Repairing Your Reputation, Dealing with Criticism from Your Spouse, and Handling a Strong-Willed Teen ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 5 minutes
Words per Minute
182.19493
Summary
On this episode of the Order of Man Podcast, we are joined by Iron Council Brother Drew Kachurik. We discuss the importance of brotherhood within the IC, and how it plays a major part in our brotherhood.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Drew, welcome to the Order of Man podcast, dude.
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Man, it's awesome to be here. I'm super pumped to be here with you, Kip.
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Yeah, and I'm happy to have you here. And so just so the guys know, I mean, obviously they're like,
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Drew, all right, hold on. I expected Ryan, first of all. Then worst case, and Sean's going to take
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this wrong. Worst case, there's Sean and then Kip Solo. But hey, we brought in Drew. Apparently,
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you guys have spoken, and I'm too boring by myself. And so we're going to bring in the heavy
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hitter, Drew. I've known Drew. Dude, we've known each other for a long time, it seems like.
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In fact, this is actually a fun quote or a fun thought. I joined the Iron Council probably,
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man, maybe five or six years ago. Is that possible?
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Yeah, probably. Probably five or six years ago. Yeah, that sounds about right.
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And back in the day in the Iron Council, when you joined, you just automatically got assigned a team.
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So you'd sign up and then all of a sudden someone says, and I don't know who, it was like an email or
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whatever, but you're assigned a team alpha. And Drew was my, my battle team leader when I joined
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the IC a long time ago. Yeah, man. Isn't that funny to think about? That is, that is true. You
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were a member of team alpha from, from back in the day. Yeah. Don't tell the echo guys that I was
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actually originally a member of, of alpha. So it's, it's, I've known Drew for a really long time.
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We've done some events together with, with Order of Man down in, in Utah, uh, the uprising a couple
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times, uh, legacy, man. Yeah. We've been all over the place. Nashville. We did a, that's right.
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We spoke together at that event there. Yeah, that's right. It's, it's been good. So anyhow,
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why don't you add to the story of, of Drew, who you are, give us a little background before we hop
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into questions, if that's okay. Yeah. What's up guys. Hey, uh, I'm Drew Kachurik. I've been,
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those of you in the iron council order, man, you might recognize my name. I've been around a long
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time. I think I was the, um, 13th person to join the iron council. Number 13. Um, it's been a long
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time. So I've been around a while. I help with leadership. Uh, I manage the network, the foundry
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that you iron council brothers are in. I oversee that. And then all of our memberships, um, I'm just
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happy to be here, man. Ryan's a dear friend of mine. He texts me and said, Hey, you want to do a
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podcast with Kip? I was like, finally, I got my calling getting called up to the, uh, out of
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the batter's box. Uh, I'm just, look, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a dad, a husband. I'm a proud American. Uh,
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I believe in God and the greatness of this country. And I'm just happy to be here and hopefully provide
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a little insight to some of these, some of these, uh, questions and answers.
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Dude, it's great to have you here, Drew. I I'll enjoy this for sure. All right. So, uh, a couple of
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housekeeping items. So we're going to field questions kind of maybe from three sources. So we'll,
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we'll field some questions from the foundry or from the iron council. Uh, and we'll talk about
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the ice icing kind of naturally. It always comes up because it's, it's really our, our brotherhood
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and it's really plays a major part in the movement of what we're doing, uh, in the grand scheme of
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things with order of man. And then we'll probably field some questions from our Facebook group, uh,
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to join us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And then we might dabble a little
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bit on some Instagram questions. Um, but we got some good questions nonetheless. And so we'll go
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ahead and dive into those. Um, and let's, let's cover some questions from our IC brothers. So first,
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uh, Simon Pratt, he says, how do you support your wife in times when she is depressed or overwhelmed by
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life? Put you right on the spot, Drew, with the, with the good, tough one. How do you support your wife?
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Look, look, I've, uh, I can relate here a little bit. So, so my wife's father passed away a couple
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of years ago, um, tough battle with pancreatic cancer. And it was very challenging and she needed
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a lot of support during that time. Um, the best thing you can do is just, just show up every day
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and be present. Um, you, you don't need to constantly ask what you can do. Just do the little
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things that take a little load off for, for example, you know, she wanted to spend as much
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time as she could with her dad, rightfully. So, um, so I just picked up all the slack I could with
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the kids and just helping school pickups and drop-offs, cleaning the house, groceries,
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cooking, everything I could do to just be helpful. Um, just be aware of, you should be aware of what your
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wife does on a daily basis to run the house and those things, and just pick up where, where you can
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to, to make a little difference, lighten the load, just give her a little room to breathe
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and manage the things she needs to manage, be there, be supportive, um, and be a shoulder she
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can lean on. Yeah. Drew, this makes me, this reiterates the importance of us having our own
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shit together, right? Because how often, and I'm, I'm, I'm saying this about me, so this isn't me
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projecting, but like so much, so much of my life is actually affected by how my wife shows up, right?
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If she's having a bad day, does it increase the probability of me being pissy? Yeah, it does.
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Right. And, and so this reiterates the importance for us to, to have some really strong confidence
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and be strong where we are, because probably the last thing your wife needs is for you to react
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due to her depression and being overwhelmed. That's the last thing she needs is you getting
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all pissed off and all put out because she's showing up in a more negative way because of
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what she's struggling with. And it just reiterates the importance of us, um, focusing on our own
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personal growth, controlling our emotions, being a stoic and being clear in regards to the situation
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and not reacting towards how our spouses show up in the home or if they're, or the day,
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if they're having a hard time or whatever. Um, I just think usually if I'm having a bad time and my
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wife reacts to a struggle that I'm having, it just compounds it and makes it even worse.
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So, um, you, you, you've got to be, and I've told this to, you know, when I was alpha team leader
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and I've kept, you probably heard me say this a million times, but if, if you can't be the best
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version of yourself, you sure as shit can't be the best at anything else is showing up for anybody
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else. So you, you do have to be convicted and grounded in yourself and this, you don't have to
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be a superhero here. You don't have to be a superstar here. Yeah. Just be the man and be committed and be
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the partner showing up at that. You should be marriages are not 50, 50. They're a hundred percent,
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a hundred percent on both sides. So continue to show up and just do your part every single day
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to help lighten the load and help her get through whatever the season is that she's working through.
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Yeah, for sure. Josh Billups. I feel like modern society makes almost everything in frictionless
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in some sense, which is what makes progress so hard. Unless we choose resistance is all the
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development we do in the iron council, really just us choosing our own resistance and turning
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pro in the four quadrants to borrow some phrases from Steven Pressfield. This rings true to me,
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There's a lot, a lot to unpack there with what he's asking. Look, I think what we do in the iron
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council prepares you to manage many different pieces and many different things in life. The four
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quadrants that we focus on are so vitally important. That's why the battle plan was created.
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That's why it's so important to have a plan, to work the plan, and then to reap the results of that
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plan. Now that works both ways. You can definitely work a bad plan and get bad results, but hopefully
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what you've learned in iron council and leaning on your brothers in iron council is that you know how to
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pivot when that plan is not going in the right direction. And then to be grounded in your plan that you put in
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place, and I promise you, this works. It is really this simple. It works every time. If you work the
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plan, you're going to get the results every time. So if you put the right plan in place, you're going
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to get the right results. It might take a little longer. It might not happen overnight. None of this
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happens overnight. I mean, Kip, you, me, we've been around the iron council for a long time. I hear it all
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the time. Haven't you guys done it all? Haven't you figured it all out? Not even close. I lean more on
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iron council probably now more so than I ever did. It might just be a little further along the journey
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than, than some of the, some of these other guys are. Um, but to, to Josh's question, you know,
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more so, um, I really do think that if you dig in and you bite down on what the iron council has to
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offer, you are going to reap the results big time. Um, whatever you're facing in your, your life,
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you're going to be able to manage a little better. Yeah, for sure. Well, and I think, I mean,
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he made the point like modern society, you know, frictionless. I mean, I, I think that's the
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natural tendency, right? The natural tendency is to be comfortable, not to go after something that
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creates resistance. That's difficult to do. And, and to your point, drew like, I think we could have
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resistance and we can choose resistance and kind of go out of our way to find it. But if we're showing
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up in a powerful way in life, there's resistance period. And if you're not getting resistance,
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then I would suggest maybe you're not showing up in a, in a, in a way that you probably should be,
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there is enough problems. There's enough things to tackle in this world to take on and focus on
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creating positive lasting impact for you to have friction. You might just be playing. That's how
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I feel. And Josh, I'm not projecting on you. I don't know the details, but at least for me,
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if life feels comfortable and the most friction I'm getting is by going to the gym or jujitsu or
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whatever, then I'm playing small. There's, there's big enough problems that will generate
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friction for me. It's just, I may not be taking them on in life. And so maybe that's something
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to consider as well. I think so. I think if, I think you should absolutely have friction in your
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life, but it's how you manage it and how you work with it is what makes all the difference. You can
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have friction and be in a rut and just not get anything accomplished, or you can be bumping up
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against friction because you're pushing yourself to your limits and you're overcoming that friction
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and you're bumping up against new friction. And again, the iron council, it, all of the tools are
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right there in that battle plan in order to continue to push that friction further down the road
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as you succeed in whatever avenue it is you're working on succeeding in.
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Excellent. And for you guys that, that may not, well, really quick plug, I guess. So you roughly have,
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let me think about this. You roughly have about a week, um, to join the IC in the event that you're
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interested. So we order, we open it up on a quarterly basis. It's currently open for enrollment
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for starting for Q3. So you have between now and the rest of the month, uh, to sign up and join us.
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If that is not your game and you're not interested, uh, in joining the iron council, you also can sign up
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for battle ready and that's order of man.com slash battle ready. And say kind of a 30 day intro.
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If you want to use that term, um, into the IC. Um, but, but analogy I like to use is it's the
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equivalent of watching the game versus playing in the game. So if you're tired of being a spectator
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and, and kind of watching the game and you want to get on the court and start playing,
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uh, join us in the iron council. So that's order of man.com slash iron council. All right,
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Josh Wilson. I've done a poor job of managing how much stuff my wife and kids have accumulated
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over the last 10 years. I really want to simplify our life and get rid of stuff that adds no value
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to our life. How do I get my wife and kids on board and live a more minimalist lifestyle?
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That can be tough. Um, I've got some experience here because as you know, my family and I sold
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our house, sold everything, moved into a 40 foot fifth wheel and traveled the country. So when you
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want to talk about minimum, you know, minimalizing your life, uh, we went from 1800 square foot house
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to 400 square feet. Um, so that took some effort for sure. Uh, we kept a storage unit with some,
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you know, keepsake items and furniture that we, you know, we've wanted to keep. Uh, but for the rest of it,
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we got rid of literally everything, everything, um, man, to get, to get your, your wife on board and
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your kids on board, there's so many different ways you can go about it. I think you just need
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to start with one small section and just roll from there. Um, if it's not providing you value,
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if it's not serving you any purpose, uh, get rid of it. And even better, you can teach some valuable
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lessons here to your kids. You can sell those items, uh, Facebook marketplace, Craigslist, things along
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those, those lines. Um, you can turn it into a little, make a little extra money to do a family
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vacation or do something fun. So, I mean, there there's, there's some good outcomes that can come
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from getting rid of things and simplifying your life. I will tell you that it feels amazing to
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simplify things and get rid of stuff that you just don't need. It really does. Yeah. I had a similar
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experience when I, when we moved to New York, um, we moved in lower Manhattan, one bedroom apartment
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and, and even the fridge is small, right? Like there's no like getting a bunch of groceries.
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Like they, they wouldn't even fit in our kitchen, you know, and in these shoes that I had in my
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closet were only the shoes I wore. There was no other shoe, you know what I mean? Other than ones I
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use on a regular basis. And, and there was some value in that, but, and Josh, I'm assuming you've
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already read some books, right. To kind of get some opinion. So, you know, whether it's, uh,
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essentialism is probably one of my favorite books on the topic, you know, obviously getting your wife
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to maybe read some books is, is one of those benefits. Um, but I think you just showing up in
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for you and sharing, right? Like us guys, we struggle with this all the time. Like we'll get,
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we'll get clarity on something in our mind. It's like, man, oh, I got this all figured out. I'm,
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I'm pumped and I have these plans, but we don't communicate those plans to anybody, right? We don't,
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we don't share those breakthroughs as much as we probably should. And so I would, I would focus
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on that around essentialism, right? If you're, if you're fired up and you're getting a, you're seeing
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a new way of being, well, share that with your wife and honey, I was reading this book and this,
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this, and this is interesting and have the dialogue and the discussion with her and then show up that
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way. And, and a good example of that. I'll, I'll be honest. I actually think I accomplished this
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successfully. And my mom, my wife has never read any of those books, but I've like, man. And I,
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I kept sharing with her and then I started to get rid of everything. Right. Like, and one of the
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analogies, I think it is in, in essentialism is like, if you don't love it, get rid of it.
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And like a shirt, for instance, it's like, you will wear what you love to wear. And if you don't
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love wearing it, you'll never wear it. But yet we kind of have a tendency to hold onto it. Like it's,
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well, I might wear it someday. And so I just started getting rid of all the shirts out of
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my closet. And I'm like, man, I don't really love this shirt. If I don't love it, then I got rid of
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it. And now I only have shirts I love wearing and nothing else. That's all I have.
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You can do some good with it too. Donate some of the clothing items. I mean, it feels nice to
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help people out that maybe they're, maybe you're struggling or, or don't have the ability to go get
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new clothes or new household items and things. I mean, there's plenty of where I live,
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there's St. Vincent's, which is a Catholic donation facility. And we can take our things
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there and it goes to women and children who are victims of crime and need help and things along
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those lines. So it feels nice to be able to donate stuff to help these people out.
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Yeah, totally. And there's even some lessons, you know, opportunities. So, you know, when my
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daughter, she saved up a bunch of money for her VR, she bought her own VR headset. And I knew what
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was going to happen because, you know, obviously I've been around the block long enough. And so I told
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them like, Hey, so Kika, I want you to be really present to how exciting this is right now. It's
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really exciting to have this VR headset, right? She's like, Oh man, I'm so excited. And, you know,
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and I'm like, all right, just remember that. And then we waited, I waited about three weeks.
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I'm like, Hey, how's your excitement around your VR headset coming? And she's all, you know,
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I'm not as excited about it anymore. I'm like, interesting. Why do you think that is? You know?
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And we started having a dialogue around how a lot of possessions of things just give us temporary
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excitement and temporary joy, but not pure happiness. And we had that conversation and how
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it might be tempting for us sometimes to constantly buy new things for that excitement. But she knows,
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and I know, and we've had that dialogue that eventually that goes away and now it's just another
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thing. And that's okay, right? It's not bad or good, but to be aware of how these things and how
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our human nature sometimes is to seek these excitements, this temporary excitement in,
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in the purchasing, then the owning of things. And so I think if you're Josh, if you're just really
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narrowed in and focused, you're going to look for opportunities to share. I think the key thing,
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if I had to summarize my thoughts is you got to open up your mouth, you got to share the excitement
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with your wife, have the conversation with her, look for opportunities to teach your kids. And,
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and, um, you know, I think you'll get there. Yep. A hundred percent ended there.
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All right. All right. Next question, Michael, uh, Ellerb in what order should preparedness be
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conducted? It has to be the exact order that he's looking for the right answer here. Okay. In what order
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should preparedness be conducted? Physical fitness, self-defense weapons, provisions such as like bug
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outs, water storage, food storage, et cetera, or training, survival, communication, sustainability,
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growing, or what else order of preparedness, man? I think, um, I think again, so, so my order,
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my, my opinion would be, I think the health and wellness portion of the physical portion is very
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important. You've got to be able to move. If you're dying, it doesn't matter if you have cool
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stuff. Correct. You've got to be, you've got to be, I'm not telling you, you've got to be a bodybuilder
00:19:03.980
shredded, but you've got to, you've got to have some physical abilities to maneuver around. That's
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just, you have to. Uh, so I think you should definitely, and it's again, that's what we promote
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inside our council too, right? Like just start lowest hanging fruit, get yourself feeling good and able to,
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to move and be a little agile and so on and so forth. Um, next to that, I think you need to have
00:19:26.660
some things. You need to have some items to, to be prepared. And again, you can do this slowly. You
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don't have to go out and spend $10,000 on all the gear. You can add a few items to your grocery list
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each week or, or how, you know, however you shop. Um, you need to have some items to at least get you
00:19:42.420
through a set period of time, whatever, whatever that is important to you. Um, I think I would
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probably pair that. I would coincide that with having some training of understanding how to purify
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water, where to go or things along those lines. I think those two kind of run together. Um, and then
00:20:00.660
you just build it as you go. My wife and I have, have grown into this preparedness, you know, piece,
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and we've slowly added things to our arsenal of, of being prepared, whether that's some backup power
00:20:12.720
or extra food or, and understanding how things work and growing some of our own food at home,
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fruits and vegetables, things along those lines that are just, again, don't take a ton of money
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or resources to accomplish. You just have to make it a priority, but the health and wellness,
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physical piece of it, very important. You've got to, you've got to get your body right. Um,
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that makes a big, big difference. And I throw the mind in there, right? If you're not mentally
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capable of dealing with stress, then you're going to be a shit show anyway. So yeah, I, I agree. I
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think that physical side is one and it's interesting, right? Because he put provisioning as a category
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and provisions, we would say food storage would be in that category, but also bug out. Well,
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is the opposite of food storage, right? Like I remember, you remember when Katrina happened
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and everyone's always about like canned foods, food storage. And I thought that was worthless in
00:21:07.120
Katrina. Like flood comes in and your food is like six feet in the basement, underwater floating away,
00:21:15.160
right? Like provided zero value to you. So the ability to actually get to exit and leave immediately
00:21:22.940
and be able to pack light was more of a benefit than being able to bunker down in your home and have
00:21:28.660
all these provisions. Right. And so I, I, what I heard you say, Drew, and I, and I think is
00:21:35.080
that there needs to be a balance, right? Like you, you can't just go all in on provisions and then
00:21:42.660
be zero training around survival techniques, right? Like you should probably be down to
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like your environment, where you live, like obviously flood prone areas, you probably need
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to be a little more prepared to leave than to bunker down, you know, hunker down and stay
00:21:58.740
in. Now, you know, Kip, where I live, where you live up in the mountains, not could it flood
00:22:04.660
here? Sure. But I'm also at 6,000 feet out of, it's just a different environment. So, you know,
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I've got to be prepared a little differently than someone, you know, in the floodplains needs
00:22:13.860
to be prepared for, for different things. So it's more, more realistic that I would stay put
00:22:18.460
opposed to Katrina type environment where you're trying to get out of there, you know,
00:22:23.220
so you need to have the bug outside of things, have some gear that you can pack and take
00:22:26.700
with you and go. So, um, there's a lot of factors that play into it, but I think it is
00:22:31.180
a healthy balance first and foremost, though, health and wellness. That's key. That's key
00:22:36.220
for, I think in any Avenue of your life, like if you look good and feel good, you're going
00:22:41.060
to just reap the rewards of that and your professional career, your, your love life and
00:22:45.860
everything else in between. Yeah, totally agree. Dustin Stokes as a man, when your wife
00:22:52.660
or significant other criticizes you or decision you've made, how do you determine when you
00:22:58.740
should push back and explain or defend yourself or just accept it and move on big ticket items,
00:23:05.760
such as moving job change, investments are different, but just those seemingly little
00:23:10.980
everyday things that get brought up. I think a lot of that in my experience comes from lack
00:23:18.860
of communication. Um, if you're not communicating with, with your spouse on a regular basis and
00:23:23.480
having these conversations, um, I think a lot of those defense mechanisms come from the unknown.
00:23:28.520
So when something happens or something, a surprise of sorts, um, I think the general reaction is
00:23:35.900
maybe, maybe there's some questioning happening there. Um, I've always operated from that place
00:23:41.660
with my wife and, and look in the past, I've not been the best communicator. You know, it's been,
00:23:45.440
it's been a challenge or something I've had to work on, but I feel like over the last, you know,
00:23:49.360
quite a few years, that's really changed. And mine and my wife's relationship and our
00:23:53.840
communication is just wide open, transparent, everything's there. So that they're, the surprises
00:23:57.980
are very far and few between, um, because we're on board and we talk through things on a daily basis.
00:24:03.560
I think that's a big key thing here is the communication piece of it.
00:24:08.540
Yeah. Well, and I, and I, I'm just thinking through this, right. If I'm imagining my relationship
00:24:13.560
with my spouse, where there's, and he's to use his words, you know, significant criticism of
00:24:19.800
decisions being made. Right. And, and he's not saying big things. He's like everyday things that
00:24:25.860
get brought up. Right. So this seems like a, an ongoing nagging, constant criticism. Um,
00:24:32.840
and in the spirit of extreme ownership, Dustin, I would say, how are you showing up as an individual?
00:24:40.580
Right. Like it's probably not the everyday little things that she's actually pissed off about.
00:24:45.940
She's probably more bothered about how you're showing up as a whole. And she's just constantly
00:24:52.020
nagging because you're not maybe showing up in a powerful way, right? You're, you're constantly not
00:24:57.600
honoring your commitment commitments. She doesn't feel like you're making good decisions. Um, maybe
00:25:03.740
you're not reliable. Um, and, and I don't know, Dustin, you're going to have to make this determination
00:25:09.080
on your own, but let's be frank, even if you are showing up maybe powerfully, and then you take
00:25:14.640
this to heart and you're like, I could show up more powerfully. That's probably a good thing.
00:25:18.520
So just assume that there's something that you could do and you need to be showing up and having
00:25:24.440
more integrity, honoring your word and your commitments on a more regular basis. Um, now,
00:25:31.280
is it possible that she's just overly critical and you're showing up in a powerful way? Well,
00:25:35.500
then you need to communicate like Drew's saying and establish some boundaries and actually have
00:25:40.800
that communication. Like, Hey, I don't appreciate you criticizing me all the time.
00:25:45.260
No, it, it makes me feel like you're not appreciative of what I'm doing. I'm showing up in these ways
00:25:50.140
or better yet, ask her the question, why do you criticize me all the time? Why, why are these
00:25:56.400
constant nags and what can I do? Or how can I show up in a more powerful way where you have the
00:26:01.880
confidence in, in what I'm doing as your husband? That's going to help. So address it really.
00:26:10.360
It's usually, usually not the little things that are the crux of the problem. It's a much bigger
00:26:17.460
thing that you need to sit down and reevaluate Dustin and see if, and like Kip said, if that's
00:26:22.480
how you're showing up and that way you can eliminate what the, the, the factors are and you can get down
00:26:27.760
to what the actual problem is. Um, is it possible that you, that your wife is just a total pain and
00:26:34.900
nagging you maybe, but generally speaking, it's not that it's, you know, it's a bigger thing.
00:26:40.880
That's not being addressed. And the little things that show up every day, she's just able to,
00:26:44.780
to grab onto. So nag. Yeah. I like to hold onto this idea. So try this out, Dustin. So,
00:26:50.240
so most upsets, most things that really, uh, get someone really upset is usually in my opinion,
00:26:59.180
one of three things. One, she's not feeling good about her life because she's out of integrity in
00:27:05.420
some way. And that, that sounds extreme, but really think about it guys. If you're not really
00:27:09.220
happy with your life, it's usually not the circumstances. It's how you're showing up in
00:27:14.540
spite of those circumstances and you're not, you don't feel aligned. And so there's a lack of alignment
00:27:19.440
or action on your part, which is essence, you being out of integrity. So there could be that
00:27:24.600
second, something's not being expressed. She, she's holding information back. She's not,
00:27:31.460
she doesn't have this freedom of expression and she's not expressing her emotions about how she
00:27:36.920
feels about something. So that could be the conversation. And then the third is she has
00:27:41.420
expectations that aren't being met. Now there's danger in expectations and we can get on a whole other
00:27:46.340
conversation around that, but you just focus on those things. How do you help her show up more
00:27:52.800
powerfully? What's, what's bothering her having the communication around anything that is unspoken
00:27:59.620
that she's holding a grudge against. Maybe there's an issue that you guys had in your past and she's
00:28:04.420
not over it because she hasn't fully expressed the situation and how she feels or whatever else.
00:28:10.480
And then what's this expectation that she has that's not being met. That's causing her to be so
00:28:15.000
frustrated. In essence, let's just go back to what Root said, or Drew said, you just need to
00:28:20.040
communicate and figure out what those things are and keep having some wise and hopefully you'll get to
00:28:25.460
it. The details, I guess, through that. Cool. You good there, Drew? Yep. All right. Dustin,
00:28:31.840
you're solid, man. There's nothing else for us to share. Okay. Sam Broadway, how do you identify
00:28:38.620
your unique selling proposition? So a little bit of a business side of things. So how you identify
00:28:45.100
your unique selling proposition? Who asked this question? What was it? Sorry. What was the name?
00:28:52.940
Sam. Sam. Sam. Sorry, brother. Sam, what are you really good at? What are you really good at? What are you
00:29:00.340
really passionate about? And how can you implement that into whatever it is you're trying to do, to sell,
00:29:08.560
to pitch, to provide? Add some of that personality, that personal touch to the professional product.
00:29:19.340
That's the approach I would take. That way, it's very authentic coming from you and you're not trying
00:29:24.060
to sell or position yourself as someone or something that you're not. If you can put a personal touch to
00:29:31.000
it and you can put some passion and desire behind it, it's going to come across much, much better and
00:29:37.780
much more authentic. And I'm not telling you to fake it by any means. What I'm saying is find that
00:29:44.320
internal, that personal, passionate touch to it and sell it that way. Yeah, totally.
00:29:50.720
It'll come across as your authentic self, not just that you're reading from a pitch deck or whatever it is
00:29:57.060
that you're positioning or doing. Yeah. And Sam, I don't know if you're a sole proprietor, like it's your
00:30:04.280
own thing or you work for a larger corporation. I think more on the business side, I think you could
00:30:12.700
evaluate your current clientele and figure out why they went with you. What was it that sold your company over
00:30:21.880
the competition? And it's kind of a similar, really a similar answer as yours, Drew, but more from a corporate
00:30:29.780
perspective, right? Like what's the thing that your company is really just naturally good at and why did these
00:30:35.580
existing clients kind of lean towards you? And that might, might open up some of those concepts in
00:30:40.900
regards to, you know, what your unique selling proposition is. But, but I just to re echo what
00:30:46.760
you already said, Drew, don't fake it and don't think it. And the second thing is don't, well, we're just
00:30:53.060
better than the competition. You know what I mean? Like we actually, our projects are better and that's it,
00:30:58.240
right? Like that's not a unique selling proposition. You need to identify like, what is it that allows your
00:31:03.200
company to be way more successful than the competition? And you need to double down on your
00:31:07.700
understanding of that. And I'll add one more thing, Sam, too. You might think you know, but like
00:31:15.120
Kip was saying, go to those customers and ask them. Yeah. Ask them why they trusted you, why they bought
00:31:21.820
from you, what, what it was that, that pushed them over, you know, to, to your side to close that deal
00:31:27.180
to that transaction. Don't be afraid to ask that feedback because like, like I said, you, you may
00:31:33.740
think, you know, or you may, you may have a good idea, but get it right from them. I mean, a testimonial
00:31:38.360
slash review from your current clientele will help you position yourself moving forward. And you'll,
00:31:43.580
you'll have, you'll see the trend of what it is they, they might be saying. Maybe they're all saying
00:31:47.560
similar things. Yeah. That's a really good point, Drew. I remember I was an independent consultant
00:31:53.380
for years and, you know, I don't even know if people still do this, but do you remember I linked
00:31:58.380
in, you could ask people to give you recommendations or whatever. And I remember I had a couple of
00:32:02.940
clients write up recommendations and I remember thinking, really? Like, holy shit. And, and I kind
00:32:10.320
of saw a trend, you know what I mean? Of what, why, what I was really good at. And I, it was not even on
00:32:16.180
my radar as something that I was really unique or good at. I just, I don't know. I just thought
00:32:22.720
that's how it should be done. If that makes sense. So to Drew's point, right? There's a lot of
00:32:27.220
insights in, in asking those questions from your clients. All right. Tom.
00:32:34.200
Teenie. Sorry, Tom. How do you handle strong willed teenager that pushes the limits and seems to have
00:32:40.700
no regard for your authority? I'm working on how I respond to him rather than reacting, but I'm not
00:32:47.100
getting through to him. He's 14. He's a pain in the ass. I'm just joking. I added that last part. He's
00:32:51.900
14. So Tom, I don't have teenage aged kids. My son Max is nine and my daughter Goldie is five.
00:33:03.480
I would say my daughter is very close to being in or act sometimes as though she's a teenager,
00:33:07.740
even though she's only five. I've got siblings and you know, I'm the oldest of six. And so I've,
00:33:14.240
I've seen it, you know, them grow up and I've, you know, my sister-in-law and they have teenage
00:33:18.820
aged children. I think my only piece of advice I can offer you, Tom, is just, it's just to lead by
00:33:25.340
example, show up every day in integrity and just, just continue to lead by example. I know it's a
00:33:32.520
season. I know they're going to go through it and they're going to, they're going to push back.
00:33:41.400
Yeah, totally. You know, when you said lead by example, I thought you said leave at first. I was
00:33:46.120
like, you know what? That would totally work as well. You can just abandon them and just say,
00:33:51.900
screw this. I'm out. See how quick they come running back. No, you know what? Let's definitely
00:33:58.120
lead by example. Yeah. Let's get the advice that Ryan would not give why he's gone. So Tom,
00:34:03.200
the answer is just leave. All right. Next question. All right. I have teenage kids, Tom. So that's why
00:34:10.660
when I was reading this, I'm like laughing because the growth that I have gotten due to my children
00:34:18.360
being teenagers has been substantial. They have certainly stretched me. So I've had
00:34:25.800
my three oldest boys, my, the three oldest boys are 22, 20, and now 18. So I've, I've,
00:34:36.140
I've gone through this teenage thing and by no means am I an expert, but I got some resources for
00:34:41.600
you. So the first one is the anatomy of peace it's by Harbinger institutes, the same company that wrote
00:34:49.340
the book, the outward mindset and the deception, deception of leadership. I think they're all based
00:34:54.700
upon the same concept. And, and the concept is that there is a relationship triangle. And before you're
00:35:01.940
in a position to correct, right, because that's, I mean, even listening to your question, Tom,
00:35:06.480
right, it's your question. Isn't like my kid is whole and complete and perfect. No, is something's
00:35:12.840
wrong and we need to fix it, right? We need to correct the behavior. And their suggestion is, is you're not
00:35:19.620
in a position to correct behavior until you've addressed all these underlining things first. And those
00:35:25.640
underlining things are the following level. Number one, you need to change your mindset around your
00:35:31.260
son that he is actually whole and complete and perfect exactly the way he is. And all that your
00:35:39.220
job is, is to help him find his greatness. So mindset number two, focus on establishing a relationship
00:35:47.260
with those in that have influence with him. So this is interesting because this was probably the light
00:35:55.420
switch for me is, oh, if I'm, if mom and I aren't on the same page, my ability to influence my son is
00:36:04.240
even more difficult because we're not aligned. And so he, and does he care what mom thinks? Yes, he does.
00:36:11.380
And if you and mom are on the same page, then you have hurt your influence with him. Other people of
00:36:18.160
influence his friends, his friends, do they know you? Are you around them? What do they think about
00:36:25.680
you? Right? That affects your ability to have a good relationship with him. Second, building your
00:36:31.300
relationship. And when we talk about building a relationship with someone, ultimately, what does
00:36:36.260
it come down to? Drew, me, me telling you what you're doing wrong? Me criticizing you, Drew, or is it
00:36:43.300
rooted in caring? A strong relationship is Drew knowing that Kip sees me, that he values me as an
00:36:53.900
individual and that I want to help him. Not change him, support him in what he's doing, right? So it's
00:37:01.480
rooted in empathy and care. Then we're in a position to listen and learn. What makes you feel any greater
00:37:09.720
than someone willing to listen to you and learn from you and learn about you, interested in you,
00:37:16.280
right? That's so powerful. So now you're listening and learning, and then you're in a position to teach,
00:37:23.180
communicate, and correct. Only then are you in a position where they actually will value and respect
00:37:29.440
you in a way that they can actually be taught and influenced by you. So I jumped to the bottom of
00:37:35.120
that triangle work right back up. So anatomy and peace. And then the other book that suggests that
00:37:40.680
you read it then, and you know, well, I'm just about resources here. So let me just throw out
00:37:45.360
another resource. So the other book answers, uh, your defiant team. I read this book a couple of years
00:37:52.500
ago and really to give you a book summary of the defiant team is that you need to establish
00:37:59.440
expectations, be super clear in expectations, establish boundaries. And when those boundaries
00:38:05.020
come, Drew, what do you do? Get overly emotional and get pissed off? No, you go, son, our agreement
00:38:11.340
was this, this, this. If you did these actions, also be a positive agreement too, right? Hey, you
00:38:17.940
exceeded in this area and we're going to read the resort. And you're just reinforcing the boundary.
00:38:23.440
You're not attacking them as a person. You're just like, you should almost approach it from the
00:38:28.680
perspective of kind of feeling sad. Son, damn it, man. I'm sorry. Right. Our agreement was X,
00:38:35.660
right? We got to be consistent, man. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to take the car keys.
00:38:41.160
Yeah. And, and that's it. Not like, what the fuck are you called? I shouldn't be cursing.
00:38:45.600
What are you doing? You know what I mean? Like an, an attacking, getting angry. He knows,
00:38:49.560
right. You're just establishing the boundaries, right. And then in, in enforcing them. So
00:38:54.500
hopefully that helps, but the anatomy of peace is just, Oh, such a great book. Um, check that out,
00:39:01.600
Tom. All right, let's jump into Insta. So, uh, to follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram, that's at Ryan
00:39:08.960
Mickler, uh, Chad Wackinson. My boss and I talk a lot about issues with today's world, and he wants to be
00:39:17.980
able to defend his family if he needed, if the needs arise. I've asked him how he feels about
00:39:23.480
guns and he tells me he wants to get one, but his wife won't let him. She also won't let him put up
00:39:29.300
security cameras. What advice could I give him? Um, man, it, it's tough when you're not on the same
00:39:40.280
page with, with your spouse. Um, that, that is a challenging place to be. So first and foremost,
00:39:46.600
you got to figure that piece of it out. Um, I don't know that the right move is to just do it
00:39:52.020
anyways. I mean, I think you need to probably talk through some of these things and figure out
00:39:56.620
what's going on there. Um, I don't know that that's, that's a tough spot to be. I think that
00:40:02.300
you need to, I think it's more than just security cameras and guns here. This is again, probably a
00:40:07.140
little bit bigger issue that needs to be discussed and you need guys need to get on the same page
00:40:11.020
first before you even start going down the do's and don'ts of, of the two other things, the security
00:40:17.680
cameras and guns conversation. I feel like there's more here going on than just that. Um, totally.
00:40:24.760
I mean, Chad, Drew, you saw it when I, you, you were thinking the same thing I was thinking when you
00:40:29.220
read this, right? This idea that his wife won't let him and she won't let him do this. And he won't let
00:40:35.300
him do that. Like, like, and we're totally projecting chat on your friend here that we,
00:40:39.560
or your boss, we don't even know. Right. But, but, but the reality of it is, is like,
00:40:43.480
so he's just a passive guy and he doesn't do anything unless his wife agrees or, or does he
00:40:49.820
draw the line and say, Hey, this is an area, honey, that's really important to me. I'm going to execute.
00:40:54.800
Right. And, and, and learn about it together, do it together. Like maybe you should go shoot some
00:41:00.500
guns together, figure out where the disconnect is, enroll in a entry-level handgun course together.
00:41:06.860
Um, if it's that big of a contention, find out why it's even a problem. The security camera thing.
00:41:11.060
I mean, I, I, I don't know. I don't, is it because she feels like it draws more attention to the home?
00:41:16.440
I'm not sure. I mean, there's so many unknowns and, and, and variables here. I feel like Chad,
00:41:20.960
you need to, your boss and his wife need to, they need to have a lot of conversations around
00:41:26.360
what's going on in their relationship first, before you even jump into the do's and don'ts
00:41:31.860
of all the other stuff. I have the ultimate strategy of how to get what you want. So everyone
00:41:37.420
pause for a second. Everyone get a piece of paper out. I'll wait, I'll wait a second. I know you're
00:41:41.220
all, all right. Everyone got their pen and paper here. This is what you do. Okay. So we're going to
00:41:45.580
use this, this gun thing as an example. So Chad's boss, right? He wants a gun. So, or guns. So,
00:41:54.320
because there's no, no one buys a gun, right? You buy guns is usually what happens.
00:41:59.580
You may get one at first, but eventually there's a guns conversation. Okay. So he wants to get guns,
00:42:06.120
always plural thing. Um, side note, super funny. So we're, we're at a party and my wife goes,
00:42:14.140
I don't know why he has to have like seven guns or whatever like that. And I'm like seven,
00:42:19.340
I have six. And she's like, no, you have seven. And I'm, I'm like, I now will have seven. That's
00:42:25.100
perfect. So I'm like, Oh, I get to buy one more because you, you had my quota wrong. And, uh,
00:42:32.460
so now I got it. I, and I literally went out and bought another gun because of that. So, um,
00:42:36.820
anyhow, here's, here's everyone's ready for their piece of paper here. You go to your wife and you say,
00:42:43.300
honey, it's really important to me that I really have guns. What is it that I would need to do
00:42:52.040
to make that possible and make you feel good about it?
00:42:58.260
That's it. You want to go to a man's trip to go hunting in Hawaii or whatever, honey,
00:43:06.160
this is really important to me. I really want to do this. This is why it's important to me,
00:43:10.220
express why it's important. What do I need to do between now and then for you to feel good about
00:43:15.860
me going on a hunting trip to Hawaii? There you go, guys. That's how, and then you do it.
00:43:21.840
Then you do all the things that you talked about and that's how you get what you want.
00:43:30.360
Drop mic drop. Okay. Uh, let's see. These are other questions that are really specific to Mr.
00:43:36.760
Mickler song. Let me skip these. All right. We're hopping into Facebook here.
00:43:41.340
Tim Ward. What is a good way to read? This is a great question. I actually wanted to cover this
00:43:46.500
last week, but we were out of time. Uh, Tim Ward, what is a good way to repair your reputation
00:43:51.040
in an industry that you left and want to go back into backstory? I left my last EMS job in 2021 on a bad
00:43:59.640
note. I recently got my, uh, uh, paramedic and applied for other services in my area and didn't get
00:44:06.320
interviewed to due to concerns about my ability to be professional. I don't work in EMS now. So I'd be
00:44:13.840
interested in any advice you'd have on repairing that reputation.
00:44:18.200
Woo. Yeah. Um, well, I would say, and again, not knowing that the nitty gritty details on,
00:44:27.660
on what happened, obviously it sounds like it was a professionalism issue of sorts. Um,
00:44:33.920
you just, you gotta own it. Uh, there's, there's nothing else you can do, but just
00:44:39.360
face the fire. I mean, it sounds like you got a big old egg on your face right now in that particular
00:44:44.300
industry. Um, you just gotta own it and you've got to start somewhere. So it would probably start with
00:44:51.980
apology or apologies to those affected you, you offended or, or whatever happened. Um,
00:45:00.220
and just start showing up. I don't know. I mean that, that, that can be tough, especially in a
00:45:05.980
very, you know, small community like that. Uh, I would say you just got to own it a hundred percent
00:45:11.020
and you probably have to start at the very bottom of the total bowl. And maybe there's a volunteer
00:45:15.440
option. Maybe there's something that you can show them that you're, that you're worthy of another shot
00:45:20.460
of this. Um, and just take it from there. Totally. Here's the drawback. The drawback is
00:45:27.780
that you probably hurt your reputation. You know, what's this just assume over a year ago.
00:45:34.240
And it's now only because you're trying to get back into the industry that you might be apologizing.
00:45:40.140
It would have been really great that back then you owned it and cleared it up. And now a year later,
00:45:48.360
when you come back in the industry that that doesn't look like you're just trying to manipulate
00:45:52.140
the thing right now, it's like, Oh, you're just trying to get a job. Right. So that's the
00:45:57.160
unfortunate part. So you, you gotta, I think you gotta approach this from a very genuine perspective,
00:46:02.300
not with the intent of trying to get a job, right? Like your, your, you should be clearing this up
00:46:09.040
because you're fully committed and bought into the idea that the way you showed up impacted people in
00:46:16.160
a negative way. And you don't want to die with that reputation. That's it. That should be your
00:46:23.580
reason. And you, you need to fix it. Um, Jocko, and this is, and it's, I'm not to get all biblical
00:46:32.480
here, but like the repentance process and taking extreme ownership is kind of the same thing. Right.
00:46:38.240
So first is own it in your head as in though, like, Hey, I did this. It was not, I, you didn't
00:46:45.760
have some reason or excuse or some justification that whatever you did, that was unprofessional
00:46:52.260
that's on you, no excuses whatsoever. So that's the first part is get that straight in your head.
00:46:58.160
Second, you need to communicate the fact you need to communicate that to those impacted.
00:47:02.860
And then you need to tell them what was the impact. Then they know you really get it. Right.
00:47:12.400
Drew, if, if, if I offend you and I show up in a, in a negative way in our relationship and I'm like,
00:47:17.840
Hey, Drew, man, that's on me. That's my fault. I'm sorry, man. And we just move on. Uh, did,
00:47:25.380
does he really get it? Did he really own it? But when I come to the conversation with you, Drew,
00:47:30.440
go and say, Hey, Drew, what I have the perfect example, guys, here you go. Work example, by the
00:47:35.440
way. So we're, we're doing this large streaming service, um, online for a large credit union.
00:47:42.020
It's pretty gnarly. And people could watch the live stream of a new board appointees and vote
00:47:50.320
for the new board appointees, um, all remotely in streaming. And, and this whole process is a legal
00:47:57.720
process. And so there's a lot of pressure, like it, like the stream can't go down. The voting can't
00:48:04.000
like not work. Right. It's like a really, really, really big deal. And we did a prototype for a
00:48:09.200
client and we did our tasks. Everything's going smooth. And he's like, this is excellent. Let's
00:48:14.900
have you guys do this for our executive team. So they're bought into what we're doing. So we have
00:48:20.040
the confidence with that executive team on this live stream voting app that we developed.
00:48:25.960
We go live. We, we, so we do this executive demo and it goes to shit, like midway, all of a sudden
00:48:37.020
the stream breaks, the voting doesn't work everything. Like the entire demo just is a
00:48:42.460
disaster. So bad that I like, I grabbed the streaming and I just turned it off. Uh, I just
00:48:48.500
disconnect. And I'm like, Oh, and then we had to hop on a call, like a follow-up call to see
00:48:54.920
how the demo went. And we get on the demo and we, Oh, I, and I softly owned it at that
00:49:01.240
moment because it's with the executives of this, of this large credit firm or credit union.
00:49:05.620
And then after that meeting was over, I went to our stakeholder, the IT director. And I said,
00:49:12.840
Bob, I said, Hey, Bob, that is a hundred percent on us. We should have tested more. We, we overlooked
00:49:23.560
a couple of key areas. We could have invested more time to ensure that that demo went well,
00:49:27.800
my apologies. And then check this out. I realize by us failing that demo for the executive team,
00:49:36.740
that that possibly hurt your reputation with them, that they and their confidence in you and
00:49:44.480
your abilities and the consulting firm you chose, which is us is now possibly damaged due to our
00:49:51.400
inability to demo that effectively. I'm fully aware of that. I understand how that might affect
00:49:57.060
you in your employment and you have our dedication and commitment that we're going to double our
00:50:03.080
efforts to ensure that we're ready for the next demo and the system goes well and everything else.
00:50:08.560
Do you think he really understood that I was connected to the possible impact for sure?
00:50:15.600
So from your perspective, Tim, man, you got to get clear. What is this real? How did this really
00:50:21.940
affect people? And you need to communicate how it affected them. And then you need to express what
00:50:27.660
you're going to do or what you've done as a man to show up, to ensure that you don't affect other
00:50:33.020
people in that way ever again. And it has to be genuine. That's what sucks because right now it's kind
00:50:39.120
of geared on this idea of trying to find a job, right? Or get a job back in the industry. So it's not
00:50:45.000
100% genuine anymore. And so I would approach it from the perspective like, yeah, and if they forgive
00:50:52.240
me, awesome. If they don't, they don't. And I understand. And you have to be kind of okay with
00:50:56.060
that. That's the right mindset, in my opinion. Anything you add to that, Drew? I kind of ranted.
00:51:03.840
All right. Peter Zeffo, my sister-in-law is recently divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage.
00:51:10.660
Oh, she is completely naive to the current dating scene and has entered into a relationship with
00:51:17.820
a man that has obviously taken advantage of her vulnerability. Her sister, my wife,
00:51:23.660
has expressed her concerns along with other family members. At what point do I, as a big brother,
00:51:32.420
Well, that's a tough spot to be in. I mean, 20 years of marriage ending like that, I'm sure that
00:51:38.420
is difficult. And I could imagine, I mean, I'm Krista and I've been together for 15 years,
00:51:44.920
married for 12 now. And so I can imagine getting back into the dating scene would be
00:51:51.160
With all these apps now and all these things. It sounds miserable to me.
00:51:55.780
Unfortunately, I think some of these lessons kind of have to be learned the hard way, but
00:52:04.900
on her part, on her part, by all means, if she's in danger or, or anything like that,
00:52:12.400
then you should absolutely step in, in my opinion. If it's just a unfortunate relationship
00:52:19.860
and it's just, you know, she's just having to learn some hard lessons. I don't really know that
00:52:24.100
there's much that, that you can do. However, if there are some issues, some, some serious issues
00:52:30.720
that need to be addressed, in my opinion, I mean, I would be stepping in immediately.
00:52:37.460
This is tough because, you know, I kind of see it as like, I had this thought around
00:52:45.900
Tom. So Tom Cruise is in the news, right? Top Gun, everyone's loving the movie. And he had like some
00:52:53.240
ex-girlfriend or something that posted, made some posts about how she'll never support the show
00:53:00.640
because Tom Cruise is part of the church of Scientology and, and this and that. And then
00:53:05.220
she went on a rant about how that church of Scientology ruined her family, right? Ruined her
00:53:12.540
family. And I was thinking about it. I'm like, how often do we hear stories like that? And we're like,
00:53:17.000
oh yeah, that must be really bad. And then, and then you look at it and says, the church ruined
00:53:22.040
your family or you ruined your family, right? Like who really ruined the family? Oh, well,
00:53:31.260
this church, didn't you choose to go to that church? Didn't you choose to act on certain
00:53:38.360
principles? So it's really that you ruined your family then, right? And it's very interesting.
00:53:44.640
We, we have a tendency to kind of like, you know what I mean? Plus the blame on something else.
00:53:49.740
Marie out. It's like, no, actually she ruined her family. And so is this guy taking advantage of
00:53:56.380
your, your sister or is she allowing a guy to take advantage of her? And what's the thing that
00:54:03.520
should be taught? Protect her from every single guy that might take advantage of her or her learning
00:54:10.120
not to be taken advantage of, right? I know she's quote unquote naive to the current dating scene.
00:54:16.800
So that seems to be the issue, right? So I think that's the issue, right? It's not the guy that
00:54:24.200
it's the fact that she's naive. So I would, I would focus on that. That's the bigger game,
00:54:29.880
right? That's the long game. That's the, the thing that should actually probably be addressed. Not
00:54:34.460
necessarily, you know, shielding your, your sister-in-law constantly from every guy,
00:54:40.740
Tom, Dick and Harry that might show up that might take advantage of her.
00:54:45.800
So I would focus a little bit more on addressing the naive part more than probably anything else.
00:54:50.840
Now with the whole disclaimers that drew brought up, right? Is she, is she physically in harm? And
00:54:56.400
you know, that's a whole other, a whole other game, but other than that, she needs to learn that
00:55:00.680
that's life, right? I mean, it's just like when raising our kids, you know, if, if your kids
00:55:05.760
take advantage of what do you do run to the school and implement school policy to make sure that your
00:55:11.080
kid never gets to take advantage of, no, you harden your kid. You help your kid rise up. You don't
00:55:18.700
expect society to pander to us and, and, and, and adjust to us. No, you actually teach your kid to
00:55:27.380
rise up. Now with that all said, you can see all the correlations of other social issues that we're
00:55:32.160
talking about that we're not, that we're not even mentioning. And, but yet that's how we approach
00:55:36.820
issues in society. Oh, what's implement this big old system. Let's implement these regulations or guess
00:55:42.360
what you could do. Help your kid rise up, help your kid grow. Isn't that kind of the idea anyway?
00:55:52.940
A hundred percent. Fired up, man. I'm going to piss off.
00:55:55.740
Okay. Vincent, uh, Bella, Bella, Tony, uh, Oh, a jujitsu question. He see, we, we got to get our
00:56:05.080
jujitsu questions in. Do you find yourself often forgetting techniques that you've learned? If so,
00:56:09.800
how do you combat this and ensure that all you've learned is taken in and not forgotten?
00:56:16.880
Uh, do you want me to answer this one, Drew? Do you have an opinion on this?
00:56:20.240
Well, the only times I've ever rolled are with you, Kip and Matthew Arrington and got my ass kicked
00:56:25.040
at some order of man events. So, uh, I don't have much to say here. Um, you can take this one all
00:56:31.920
the way. Okay. So finding yourself forgetting techniques. So, so drilling, obviously the, the,
00:56:37.860
the, the superficial, not superficial, but the typical answer to this is drill a lot, right?
00:56:42.420
Do drills, constantly drilling moves. Um, but, but I don't, and, and, uh, other guys will actually
00:56:49.500
journal and I used to do this, right? By the way, I I'd like learn a class and then I would try to
00:56:55.120
journal what I learned. Oh my gosh. You know how hard it is to explain like a jujitsu move.
00:57:01.400
Yeah. I know probably like five pages to like, well, and if they do this, then do this. And I'm
00:57:06.520
like, Oh, this is like impossible to really document. So I would focus on two things, drilling a lot
00:57:13.160
and then sharing what you've learned. That's it. So once you learn a move, find a buddy that you can
00:57:19.480
then regurgitate, regurgitate that information to and show him the move. And that will probably
00:57:24.800
cement things far better than probably anything else. And then the last part is don't put too
00:57:29.820
much weight on like, Oh, I, I forgot that technique. And, and I don't know if I'm just bought into the
00:57:36.680
whole, like, I don't know. I, I questioned my response. Let me say it that way, Vincent,
00:57:41.780
but some of the best training I've ever had, I didn't try to remember anything. My body did
00:57:49.140
and it just happened. Like I've literally done open roles where I did something that I haven't done
00:57:57.640
for years and it just happened. And I was like, that was awesome. That's kind of like jujitsu.
00:58:04.860
Your body's learning on its own, whether your mind is there or not, there's muscle memory,
00:58:08.740
there's all kinds of stuff. So don't, don't put too much weight. Like I can't regurgitate this
00:58:13.040
you're learning and through the reps, it'll be cemented in what you're doing. Just keep rolling,
00:58:18.920
man. Just keep training. Don't put too much weight into your ability to forget techniques. Otherwise
00:58:24.940
you're got, you're adding more stress. That's probably unnecessary to your jujitsu. So, all right,
00:58:31.160
let's cover one last question here. We got two questions. Let me pick one of the two.
00:58:34.820
All right. Yeah. Let's go with Jerry Rhodes. My wife lost her great-grandmother who her and the
00:58:46.800
children were very close to. And then two days later lost their one-year-old puppy.
00:58:54.180
Tips on helping them through one of the hardest weeks of their lives.
00:58:57.860
Yeah. That's tough, uh, to lose love family members and, and, um, pets and those, those sorts of
00:59:08.680
things. I mean, I can relate here again. I'll, I'll bring back up my, my father-in-law, you know,
00:59:11.960
he passed a couple of years ago and, uh, my kids were very young and it was very, very difficult.
00:59:15.900
He was a very, had a very big impact on my son and they had a very special relationship. So that was
00:59:20.560
very challenging and heartbreaking to have to explain to him that his grandfather's is now in heaven.
00:59:27.100
Um, again, just showing up, be there for them, remind them, you know, talk about and smile about
00:59:34.300
and laugh about the good times and the memories, um, and just make sure those memories carry on.
00:59:39.120
You know, there's still little things we do in remembrance of my father-in-law and, uh, from my
00:59:43.840
son. And we recently just moved my mother-in-law. She just downsized to a smaller home. And my father-in-law
00:59:50.560
was quite the mechanic. He built hot rods and all those kinds of things. So he had a shop that was just
00:59:55.000
amazing over the top, every tool known to man, everything. Um, so me and my brother-in-law,
01:00:00.400
you know, we, we all got to choose a few things and a couple of rolling tool chests to keep it
01:00:05.020
and that sort of thing. And so we put a small tool chest together for my son.
01:00:08.560
That was his grandfather's with tools that he had from his grandfather, some of these tools,
01:00:14.080
you know, back to the late 1800s, early 1900s from their ranch. And, um, just memories like that,
01:00:19.280
keeping those kinds of things alive. And it is hard and allow them the space and the room to grieve
01:00:24.680
and provide the support they need, but also take pride in the good memories that come from those
01:00:31.080
relationships that you have as well. Yeah. Yeah. I think letting them,
01:00:36.740
I don't know the right term, letting them own, own their tears, you know, like I, I would embrace
01:00:44.940
the sadness, if that makes sense, you know, like just be okay with it. My, my dad passed away.
01:00:52.400
Jeez. It's been an, and father's day weekend is a little tough to be honest with you. You know,
01:00:58.040
in fact, when we were heading out of town and, um, and I told my wife, I'm like, Oh, I need to call my
01:01:05.500
dad. And then I paused for a second. You know what I mean? I was like, Oh damn, my dad passed away.
01:01:11.520
You know what I mean? So it's, it's funny how I forget about it sometimes, but, um,
01:01:15.920
you know, Jocko did a podcast years ago and, and I, I've, I've shared it with a bunch of guys over
01:01:23.400
time because it made sense to me like logically, but it didn't emotionally make sense to me until
01:01:30.620
my dad passed away. And, and, and Jocko talks about, it's like waves of the ocean, right? Like
01:01:36.840
at first the waves of grief will just crash on you constantly. Right. And eventually over time,
01:01:44.000
the set of those waves becomes longer, the time between the sets. And then sometimes you'll feel
01:01:49.860
like you're completely okay. And then a wave will crash on you. And then you just be flooded with
01:01:55.660
emotion. And, um, and it's okay. Like, and that's the, that's the thing, right? At least for me,
01:02:02.840
it's like, it's okay for me to be randomly driving home and, and, and think, Oh, I need to call my dad
01:02:12.400
for father's day and then break down and just be so totally sad about it. Like, that's okay. And,
01:02:18.080
and I think, especially for children, we, we need to not like, we need to encourage them to mourn.
01:02:25.120
We need to encourage them to be okay with that and to be present to the way they're feeling and to
01:02:30.980
talk about it, not necessarily kind of hide that. Um, and so that, that's, would be my advice is
01:02:36.160
let them own those tears. It's good. It's good. And, and then to kind of what your, your point is
01:02:42.720
the next step of that process is honor them, you know, and remember them and remember their greatness
01:02:48.280
and, and, and don't let go of their impact in your lives. And you do that through honoring them
01:02:54.180
and remembering them. And then, and then the last thing I'd add to it is, and the most profound way
01:03:00.540
of honoring their lives is to rise up and become the best version of yourselves. That's how you honor
01:03:07.100
those that have passed is being the best version of yourself. So good stuff. Okay, man. Right. I think
01:03:15.240
we're up on time. So let's, let's wrap really quick. So a couple of things I already mentioned them
01:03:20.360
earlier, but if you wanted to join the IC, the iron council or exclusive brotherhood, go to
01:03:25.340
orderofman.com slash iron council. You have roughly about a week left. Uh, and then we're going to
01:03:30.420
close up membership. So join us guys that are already part of Facebook group guys listening
01:03:35.800
that are part of the iron council band, man, like let's show up in a very powerful way, share the
01:03:42.960
message. Let's get more guys in the IC. I feel so passionate about the subject and we all know it
01:03:50.220
to be true that if men showed up more powerfully in their homes or stayed in their homes and were
01:03:57.320
even present in their homes more than they are now, the great deal of all of our issues in society
01:04:03.580
would be reduced drastically if we just showed up in a more powerful way. So band with us, let's get
01:04:11.960
men going. If you know, some guys that need to level up that are ready to be fully committed and bought
01:04:17.300
in, tell them about the iron council, tell them about the podcast, subscribe to the YouTube channel,
01:04:24.220
follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram, share the messages of what we're doing here.
01:04:29.660
Let's help rise each other up. You can connect with Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan
01:04:35.020
Mickler. And I think the last thing really is our father and son's event, which is a legacy,
01:04:42.320
legacy coming this September to learn more about that event in Maine. That's orderofman.com
01:04:47.980
slash legacy. That will sell out without a doubt. In fact, it may already be sold out. So if you're
01:04:54.840
on the fence, you need to execute just like everything else in life. Opportunities don't
01:04:58.720
come when we're ready. They come when they're, when they show up. And so the question is, is,
01:05:02.840
are you going to tackle and take them on or not? And so if you, if you're on the fence around legacy,
01:05:08.120
join us, orderofman.com slash legacy. Drew, thank you, sir. I appreciate you.
01:05:14.340
Thank you, brother. Thank you. I had a great time. This was a lot of fun. I hope to do it again.
01:05:18.060
And the guys continue to show up, take action and just be the man that you know you can be and
01:05:25.040
should be. We'll wrap up with that. Thanks, Drew. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
01:05:30.720
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:05:34.500
We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.