Order of Man - Repairing Your Reputation, Dealing with Criticism from Your Spouse, and Handling a Strong-Willed Teen ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.700 you can call yourself a man. Drew, welcome to the Order of Man podcast, dude.

00:00:28.380 Man, it's awesome to be here. I'm super pumped to be here with you, Kip.

00:00:34.160 Yeah, and I'm happy to have you here. And so just so the guys know, I mean, obviously they're like,

00:00:39.760 Drew, all right, hold on. I expected Ryan, first of all. Then worst case, and Sean's going to take

00:00:46.300 this wrong. Worst case, there's Sean and then Kip Solo. But hey, we brought in Drew. Apparently,

00:00:52.780 you guys have spoken, and I'm too boring by myself. And so we're going to bring in the heavy

00:00:59.020 hitter, Drew. I've known Drew. Dude, we've known each other for a long time, it seems like.

00:01:04.600 In fact, this is actually a fun quote or a fun thought. I joined the Iron Council probably,

00:01:11.000 man, maybe five or six years ago. Is that possible?

00:01:19.800 Yeah, probably. Probably five or six years ago. Yeah, that sounds about right.

00:01:23.880 And back in the day in the Iron Council, when you joined, you just automatically got assigned a team.

00:01:29.600 So you'd sign up and then all of a sudden someone says, and I don't know who, it was like an email or

00:01:34.180 whatever, but you're assigned a team alpha. And Drew was my, my battle team leader when I joined

00:01:40.860 the IC a long time ago. Yeah, man. Isn't that funny to think about? That is, that is true. You

00:01:45.960 were a member of team alpha from, from back in the day. Yeah. Don't tell the echo guys that I was

00:01:51.340 actually originally a member of, of alpha. So it's, it's, I've known Drew for a really long time.

00:01:57.300 We've done some events together with, with Order of Man down in, in Utah, uh, the uprising a couple

00:02:04.160 times, uh, legacy, man. Yeah. We've been all over the place. Nashville. We did a, that's right.

00:02:10.120 We spoke together at that event there. Yeah, that's right. It's, it's been good. So anyhow,

00:02:14.620 why don't you add to the story of, of Drew, who you are, give us a little background before we hop

00:02:19.760 into questions, if that's okay. Yeah. What's up guys. Hey, uh, I'm Drew Kachurik. I've been,

00:02:24.060 those of you in the iron council order, man, you might recognize my name. I've been around a long

00:02:27.880 time. I think I was the, um, 13th person to join the iron council. Number 13. Um, it's been a long

00:02:36.460 time. So I've been around a while. I help with leadership. Uh, I manage the network, the foundry

00:02:40.660 that you iron council brothers are in. I oversee that. And then all of our memberships, um, I'm just

00:02:46.420 happy to be here, man. Ryan's a dear friend of mine. He texts me and said, Hey, you want to do a

00:02:49.920 podcast with Kip? I was like, finally, I got my calling getting called up to the, uh, out of

00:02:54.020 the batter's box. Uh, I'm just, look, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a dad, a husband. I'm a proud American. Uh,

00:03:02.240 I believe in God and the greatness of this country. And I'm just happy to be here and hopefully provide

00:03:06.740 a little insight to some of these, some of these, uh, questions and answers.

00:03:10.280 Dude, it's great to have you here, Drew. I I'll enjoy this for sure. All right. So, uh, a couple of

00:03:16.440 housekeeping items. So we're going to field questions kind of maybe from three sources. So we'll,

00:03:21.460 we'll field some questions from the foundry or from the iron council. Uh, and we'll talk about

00:03:26.460 the ice icing kind of naturally. It always comes up because it's, it's really our, our brotherhood

00:03:31.340 and it's really plays a major part in the movement of what we're doing, uh, in the grand scheme of

00:03:36.360 things with order of man. And then we'll probably field some questions from our Facebook group, uh,

00:03:40.760 to join us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And then we might dabble a little

00:03:46.380 bit on some Instagram questions. Um, but we got some good questions nonetheless. And so we'll go

00:03:51.960 ahead and dive into those. Um, and let's, let's cover some questions from our IC brothers. So first,

00:03:58.480 uh, Simon Pratt, he says, how do you support your wife in times when she is depressed or overwhelmed by

00:04:05.620 life? Put you right on the spot, Drew, with the, with the good, tough one. How do you support your wife?

00:04:11.800 Look, look, I've, uh, I can relate here a little bit. So, so my wife's father passed away a couple

00:04:19.520 of years ago, um, tough battle with pancreatic cancer. And it was very challenging and she needed

00:04:24.760 a lot of support during that time. Um, the best thing you can do is just, just show up every day

00:04:32.680 and be present. Um, you, you don't need to constantly ask what you can do. Just do the little

00:04:40.940 things that take a little load off for, for example, you know, she wanted to spend as much

00:04:45.340 time as she could with her dad, rightfully. So, um, so I just picked up all the slack I could with

00:04:50.540 the kids and just helping school pickups and drop-offs, cleaning the house, groceries,

00:04:55.760 cooking, everything I could do to just be helpful. Um, just be aware of, you should be aware of what your

00:05:03.060 wife does on a daily basis to run the house and those things, and just pick up where, where you can 1.00

00:05:07.600 to, to make a little difference, lighten the load, just give her a little room to breathe

00:05:12.020 and manage the things she needs to manage, be there, be supportive, um, and be a shoulder she

00:05:18.040 can lean on. Yeah. Drew, this makes me, this reiterates the importance of us having our own

00:05:25.760 shit together, right? Because how often, and I'm, I'm, I'm saying this about me, so this isn't me 0.98

00:05:33.480 projecting, but like so much, so much of my life is actually affected by how my wife shows up, right? 0.88

00:05:42.080 If she's having a bad day, does it increase the probability of me being pissy? Yeah, it does.

00:05:48.700 Right. And, and so this reiterates the importance for us to, to have some really strong confidence

00:05:54.520 and be strong where we are, because probably the last thing your wife needs is for you to react 1.00

00:06:01.700 due to her depression and being overwhelmed. That's the last thing she needs is you getting

00:06:08.220 all pissed off and all put out because she's showing up in a more negative way because of

00:06:13.800 what she's struggling with. And it just reiterates the importance of us, um, focusing on our own

00:06:20.500 personal growth, controlling our emotions, being a stoic and being clear in regards to the situation

00:06:26.860 and not reacting towards how our spouses show up in the home or if they're, or the day,

00:06:32.480 if they're having a hard time or whatever. Um, I just think usually if I'm having a bad time and my

00:06:37.760 wife reacts to a struggle that I'm having, it just compounds it and makes it even worse. 1.00

00:06:43.140 So, um, you, you, you've got to be, and I've told this to, you know, when I was alpha team leader

00:06:48.620 and I've kept, you probably heard me say this a million times, but if, if you can't be the best 0.72

00:06:52.840 version of yourself, you sure as shit can't be the best at anything else is showing up for anybody 0.97

00:06:57.140 else. So you, you do have to be convicted and grounded in yourself and this, you don't have to 0.99

00:07:02.060 be a superhero here. You don't have to be a superstar here. Yeah. Just be the man and be committed and be

00:07:07.180 the partner showing up at that. You should be marriages are not 50, 50. They're a hundred percent,

00:07:12.560 a hundred percent on both sides. So continue to show up and just do your part every single day

00:07:17.280 to help lighten the load and help her get through whatever the season is that she's working through.

00:07:21.940 Yeah, for sure. Josh Billups. I feel like modern society makes almost everything in frictionless

00:07:29.420 in some sense, which is what makes progress so hard. Unless we choose resistance is all the

00:07:35.940 development we do in the iron council, really just us choosing our own resistance and turning

00:07:42.140 pro in the four quadrants to borrow some phrases from Steven Pressfield. This rings true to me,

00:07:48.760 but wanted to get your guys' take.

00:07:54.240 There's a lot, a lot to unpack there with what he's asking. Look, I think what we do in the iron

00:08:00.820 council prepares you to manage many different pieces and many different things in life. The four

00:08:07.180 quadrants that we focus on are so vitally important. That's why the battle plan was created.

00:08:12.880 That's why it's so important to have a plan, to work the plan, and then to reap the results of that

00:08:18.060 plan. Now that works both ways. You can definitely work a bad plan and get bad results, but hopefully

00:08:24.900 what you've learned in iron council and leaning on your brothers in iron council is that you know how to

00:08:29.660 pivot when that plan is not going in the right direction. And then to be grounded in your plan that you put in

00:08:35.620 place, and I promise you, this works. It is really this simple. It works every time. If you work the

00:08:42.180 plan, you're going to get the results every time. So if you put the right plan in place, you're going

00:08:47.440 to get the right results. It might take a little longer. It might not happen overnight. None of this

00:08:51.740 happens overnight. I mean, Kip, you, me, we've been around the iron council for a long time. I hear it all

00:08:55.660 the time. Haven't you guys done it all? Haven't you figured it all out? Not even close. I lean more on

00:09:00.980 iron council probably now more so than I ever did. It might just be a little further along the journey

00:09:04.880 than, than some of the, some of these other guys are. Um, but to, to Josh's question, you know,

00:09:09.900 more so, um, I really do think that if you dig in and you bite down on what the iron council has to

00:09:16.240 offer, you are going to reap the results big time. Um, whatever you're facing in your, your life,

00:09:22.520 you're going to be able to manage a little better. Yeah, for sure. Well, and I think, I mean,

00:09:28.780 he made the point like modern society, you know, frictionless. I mean, I, I think that's the

00:09:33.140 natural tendency, right? The natural tendency is to be comfortable, not to go after something that

00:09:39.880 creates resistance. That's difficult to do. And, and to your point, drew like, I think we could have

00:09:47.240 resistance and we can choose resistance and kind of go out of our way to find it. But if we're showing

00:09:52.520 up in a powerful way in life, there's resistance period. And if you're not getting resistance,

00:09:58.420 then I would suggest maybe you're not showing up in a, in a, in a way that you probably should be,

00:10:03.440 there is enough problems. There's enough things to tackle in this world to take on and focus on

00:10:11.080 creating positive lasting impact for you to have friction. You might just be playing. That's how

00:10:17.340 I feel. And Josh, I'm not projecting on you. I don't know the details, but at least for me,

00:10:22.480 if life feels comfortable and the most friction I'm getting is by going to the gym or jujitsu or

00:10:29.600 whatever, then I'm playing small. There's, there's big enough problems that will generate

00:10:34.900 friction for me. It's just, I may not be taking them on in life. And so maybe that's something

00:10:39.360 to consider as well. I think so. I think if, I think you should absolutely have friction in your

00:10:43.880 life, but it's how you manage it and how you work with it is what makes all the difference. You can

00:10:49.520 have friction and be in a rut and just not get anything accomplished, or you can be bumping up

00:10:53.860 against friction because you're pushing yourself to your limits and you're overcoming that friction

00:10:57.560 and you're bumping up against new friction. And again, the iron council, it, all of the tools are

00:11:03.400 right there in that battle plan in order to continue to push that friction further down the road

00:11:08.100 as you succeed in whatever avenue it is you're working on succeeding in.

00:11:12.720 Excellent. And for you guys that, that may not, well, really quick plug, I guess. So you roughly have,

00:11:19.020 let me think about this. You roughly have about a week, um, to join the IC in the event that you're

00:11:25.820 interested. So we order, we open it up on a quarterly basis. It's currently open for enrollment

00:11:31.420 for starting for Q3. So you have between now and the rest of the month, uh, to sign up and join us.

00:11:38.800 If that is not your game and you're not interested, uh, in joining the iron council, you also can sign up

00:11:45.380 for battle ready and that's order of man.com slash battle ready. And say kind of a 30 day intro.

00:11:51.100 If you want to use that term, um, into the IC. Um, but, but analogy I like to use is it's the

00:11:58.540 equivalent of watching the game versus playing in the game. So if you're tired of being a spectator

00:12:04.140 and, and kind of watching the game and you want to get on the court and start playing,

00:12:08.600 uh, join us in the iron council. So that's order of man.com slash iron council. All right,

00:12:13.500 Josh Wilson. I've done a poor job of managing how much stuff my wife and kids have accumulated

00:12:19.100 over the last 10 years. I really want to simplify our life and get rid of stuff that adds no value

00:12:24.820 to our life. How do I get my wife and kids on board and live a more minimalist lifestyle?

00:12:31.580 That can be tough. Um, I've got some experience here because as you know, my family and I sold

00:12:40.780 our house, sold everything, moved into a 40 foot fifth wheel and traveled the country. So when you

00:12:45.260 want to talk about minimum, you know, minimalizing your life, uh, we went from 1800 square foot house

00:12:49.800 to 400 square feet. Um, so that took some effort for sure. Uh, we kept a storage unit with some,

00:12:55.860 you know, keepsake items and furniture that we, you know, we've wanted to keep. Uh, but for the rest of it,

00:13:01.460 we got rid of literally everything, everything, um, man, to get, to get your, your wife on board and

00:13:08.580 your kids on board, there's so many different ways you can go about it. I think you just need

00:13:13.360 to start with one small section and just roll from there. Um, if it's not providing you value,

00:13:18.740 if it's not serving you any purpose, uh, get rid of it. And even better, you can teach some valuable

00:13:24.600 lessons here to your kids. You can sell those items, uh, Facebook marketplace, Craigslist, things along

00:13:29.340 those, those lines. Um, you can turn it into a little, make a little extra money to do a family

00:13:34.120 vacation or do something fun. So, I mean, there there's, there's some good outcomes that can come

00:13:38.300 from getting rid of things and simplifying your life. I will tell you that it feels amazing to

00:13:45.060 simplify things and get rid of stuff that you just don't need. It really does. Yeah. I had a similar

00:13:51.040 experience when I, when we moved to New York, um, we moved in lower Manhattan, one bedroom apartment

00:13:58.440 and, and even the fridge is small, right? Like there's no like getting a bunch of groceries.

00:14:04.360 Like they, they wouldn't even fit in our kitchen, you know, and in these shoes that I had in my

00:14:09.000 closet were only the shoes I wore. There was no other shoe, you know what I mean? Other than ones I

00:14:14.240 use on a regular basis. And, and there was some value in that, but, and Josh, I'm assuming you've

00:14:18.700 already read some books, right. To kind of get some opinion. So, you know, whether it's, uh,

00:14:23.320 essentialism is probably one of my favorite books on the topic, you know, obviously getting your wife

00:14:27.860 to maybe read some books is, is one of those benefits. Um, but I think you just showing up in

00:14:32.960 for you and sharing, right? Like us guys, we struggle with this all the time. Like we'll get,

00:14:38.760 we'll get clarity on something in our mind. It's like, man, oh, I got this all figured out. I'm,

00:14:42.940 I'm pumped and I have these plans, but we don't communicate those plans to anybody, right? We don't,

00:14:48.700 we don't share those breakthroughs as much as we probably should. And so I would, I would focus

00:14:54.500 on that around essentialism, right? If you're, if you're fired up and you're getting a, you're seeing

00:14:58.980 a new way of being, well, share that with your wife and honey, I was reading this book and this,

00:15:04.540 this, and this is interesting and have the dialogue and the discussion with her and then show up that

00:15:09.000 way. And, and a good example of that. I'll, I'll be honest. I actually think I accomplished this

00:15:14.780 successfully. And my mom, my wife has never read any of those books, but I've like, man. And I,

00:15:21.180 I kept sharing with her and then I started to get rid of everything. Right. Like, and one of the

00:15:25.520 analogies, I think it is in, in essentialism is like, if you don't love it, get rid of it.

00:15:31.220 And like a shirt, for instance, it's like, you will wear what you love to wear. And if you don't

00:15:37.160 love wearing it, you'll never wear it. But yet we kind of have a tendency to hold onto it. Like it's,

00:15:42.280 well, I might wear it someday. And so I just started getting rid of all the shirts out of

00:15:47.100 my closet. And I'm like, man, I don't really love this shirt. If I don't love it, then I got rid of

00:15:51.320 it. And now I only have shirts I love wearing and nothing else. That's all I have.

00:15:57.840 You can do some good with it too. Donate some of the clothing items. I mean, it feels nice to

00:16:02.360 help people out that maybe they're, maybe you're struggling or, or don't have the ability to go get

00:16:06.720 new clothes or new household items and things. I mean, there's plenty of where I live,

00:16:10.880 there's St. Vincent's, which is a Catholic donation facility. And we can take our things

00:16:15.540 there and it goes to women and children who are victims of crime and need help and things along

00:16:19.980 those lines. So it feels nice to be able to donate stuff to help these people out.

00:16:23.900 Yeah, totally. And there's even some lessons, you know, opportunities. So, you know, when my

00:16:28.520 daughter, she saved up a bunch of money for her VR, she bought her own VR headset. And I knew what

00:16:35.620 was going to happen because, you know, obviously I've been around the block long enough. And so I told

00:16:39.660 them like, Hey, so Kika, I want you to be really present to how exciting this is right now. It's

00:16:45.960 really exciting to have this VR headset, right? She's like, Oh man, I'm so excited. And, you know,

00:16:50.740 and I'm like, all right, just remember that. And then we waited, I waited about three weeks.

00:16:55.880 I'm like, Hey, how's your excitement around your VR headset coming? And she's all, you know,

00:17:01.100 I'm not as excited about it anymore. I'm like, interesting. Why do you think that is? You know?

00:17:05.560 And we started having a dialogue around how a lot of possessions of things just give us temporary

00:17:12.640 excitement and temporary joy, but not pure happiness. And we had that conversation and how

00:17:20.200 it might be tempting for us sometimes to constantly buy new things for that excitement. But she knows,

00:17:27.560 and I know, and we've had that dialogue that eventually that goes away and now it's just another

00:17:32.220 thing. And that's okay, right? It's not bad or good, but to be aware of how these things and how

00:17:38.900 our human nature sometimes is to seek these excitements, this temporary excitement in,

00:17:44.600 in the purchasing, then the owning of things. And so I think if you're Josh, if you're just really

00:17:49.860 narrowed in and focused, you're going to look for opportunities to share. I think the key thing,

00:17:54.720 if I had to summarize my thoughts is you got to open up your mouth, you got to share the excitement

00:17:58.840 with your wife, have the conversation with her, look for opportunities to teach your kids. And,

00:18:03.340 and, um, you know, I think you'll get there. Yep. A hundred percent ended there.

00:18:09.840 All right. All right. Next question, Michael, uh, Ellerb in what order should preparedness be

00:18:17.420 conducted? It has to be the exact order that he's looking for the right answer here. Okay. In what order

00:18:23.860 should preparedness be conducted? Physical fitness, self-defense weapons, provisions such as like bug

00:18:31.880 outs, water storage, food storage, et cetera, or training, survival, communication, sustainability,

00:18:37.500 growing, or what else order of preparedness, man? I think, um, I think again, so, so my order,

00:18:48.320 my, my opinion would be, I think the health and wellness portion of the physical portion is very

00:18:53.060 important. You've got to be able to move. If you're dying, it doesn't matter if you have cool

00:18:58.400 stuff. Correct. You've got to be, you've got to be, I'm not telling you, you've got to be a bodybuilder

00:19:03.980 shredded, but you've got to, you've got to have some physical abilities to maneuver around. That's

00:19:08.580 just, you have to. Uh, so I think you should definitely, and it's again, that's what we promote

00:19:13.520 inside our council too, right? Like just start lowest hanging fruit, get yourself feeling good and able to,

00:19:19.980 to move and be a little agile and so on and so forth. Um, next to that, I think you need to have

00:19:26.660 some things. You need to have some items to, to be prepared. And again, you can do this slowly. You

00:19:32.340 don't have to go out and spend $10,000 on all the gear. You can add a few items to your grocery list

00:19:37.680 each week or, or how, you know, however you shop. Um, you need to have some items to at least get you

00:19:42.420 through a set period of time, whatever, whatever that is important to you. Um, I think I would

00:19:49.360 probably pair that. I would coincide that with having some training of understanding how to purify

00:19:54.840 water, where to go or things along those lines. I think those two kind of run together. Um, and then

00:20:00.660 you just build it as you go. My wife and I have, have grown into this preparedness, you know, piece,

00:20:06.400 and we've slowly added things to our arsenal of, of being prepared, whether that's some backup power

00:20:12.720 or extra food or, and understanding how things work and growing some of our own food at home,

00:20:17.980 fruits and vegetables, things along those lines that are just, again, don't take a ton of money

00:20:22.300 or resources to accomplish. You just have to make it a priority, but the health and wellness,

00:20:27.900 physical piece of it, very important. You've got to, you've got to get your body right. Um,

00:20:32.600 that makes a big, big difference. And I throw the mind in there, right? If you're not mentally

00:20:37.240 capable of dealing with stress, then you're going to be a shit show anyway. So yeah, I, I agree. I 1.00

00:20:43.880 think that physical side is one and it's interesting, right? Because he put provisioning as a category

00:20:49.220 and provisions, we would say food storage would be in that category, but also bug out. Well,

00:20:55.960 is the opposite of food storage, right? Like I remember, you remember when Katrina happened

00:20:59.800 and everyone's always about like canned foods, food storage. And I thought that was worthless in

00:21:07.120 Katrina. Like flood comes in and your food is like six feet in the basement, underwater floating away,

00:21:15.160 right? Like provided zero value to you. So the ability to actually get to exit and leave immediately

00:21:22.940 and be able to pack light was more of a benefit than being able to bunker down in your home and have

00:21:28.660 all these provisions. Right. And so I, I, what I heard you say, Drew, and I, and I think is

00:21:35.080 that there needs to be a balance, right? Like you, you can't just go all in on provisions and then

00:21:42.660 be zero training around survival techniques, right? Like you should probably be down to

00:21:48.260 like your environment, where you live, like obviously flood prone areas, you probably need

00:21:54.320 to be a little more prepared to leave than to bunker down, you know, hunker down and stay

00:21:58.740 in. Now, you know, Kip, where I live, where you live up in the mountains, not could it flood

00:22:04.660 here? Sure. But I'm also at 6,000 feet out of, it's just a different environment. So, you know,

00:22:09.740 I've got to be prepared a little differently than someone, you know, in the floodplains needs

00:22:13.860 to be prepared for, for different things. So it's more, more realistic that I would stay put

00:22:18.460 opposed to Katrina type environment where you're trying to get out of there, you know,

00:22:23.220 so you need to have the bug outside of things, have some gear that you can pack and take

00:22:26.700 with you and go. So, um, there's a lot of factors that play into it, but I think it is

00:22:31.180 a healthy balance first and foremost, though, health and wellness. That's key. That's key

00:22:36.220 for, I think in any Avenue of your life, like if you look good and feel good, you're going

00:22:41.060 to just reap the rewards of that and your professional career, your, your love life and

00:22:45.860 everything else in between. Yeah, totally agree. Dustin Stokes as a man, when your wife

00:22:52.660 or significant other criticizes you or decision you've made, how do you determine when you

00:22:58.740 should push back and explain or defend yourself or just accept it and move on big ticket items,

00:23:05.760 such as moving job change, investments are different, but just those seemingly little

00:23:10.980 everyday things that get brought up. I think a lot of that in my experience comes from lack

00:23:18.860 of communication. Um, if you're not communicating with, with your spouse on a regular basis and

00:23:23.480 having these conversations, um, I think a lot of those defense mechanisms come from the unknown.

00:23:28.520 So when something happens or something, a surprise of sorts, um, I think the general reaction is

00:23:35.900 maybe, maybe there's some questioning happening there. Um, I've always operated from that place

00:23:41.660 with my wife and, and look in the past, I've not been the best communicator. You know, it's been,

00:23:45.440 it's been a challenge or something I've had to work on, but I feel like over the last, you know,

00:23:49.360 quite a few years, that's really changed. And mine and my wife's relationship and our

00:23:53.840 communication is just wide open, transparent, everything's there. So that they're, the surprises

00:23:57.980 are very far and few between, um, because we're on board and we talk through things on a daily basis.

00:24:03.560 I think that's a big key thing here is the communication piece of it.

00:24:08.540 Yeah. Well, and I, and I, I'm just thinking through this, right. If I'm imagining my relationship

00:24:13.560 with my spouse, where there's, and he's to use his words, you know, significant criticism of

00:24:19.800 decisions being made. Right. And, and he's not saying big things. He's like everyday things that

00:24:25.860 get brought up. Right. So this seems like a, an ongoing nagging, constant criticism. Um,

00:24:32.840 and in the spirit of extreme ownership, Dustin, I would say, how are you showing up as an individual?

00:24:40.580 Right. Like it's probably not the everyday little things that she's actually pissed off about.

00:24:45.940 She's probably more bothered about how you're showing up as a whole. And she's just constantly

00:24:52.020 nagging because you're not maybe showing up in a powerful way, right? You're, you're constantly not

00:24:57.600 honoring your commitment commitments. She doesn't feel like you're making good decisions. Um, maybe

00:25:03.740 you're not reliable. Um, and, and I don't know, Dustin, you're going to have to make this determination

00:25:09.080 on your own, but let's be frank, even if you are showing up maybe powerfully, and then you take

00:25:14.640 this to heart and you're like, I could show up more powerfully. That's probably a good thing.

00:25:18.520 So just assume that there's something that you could do and you need to be showing up and having

00:25:24.440 more integrity, honoring your word and your commitments on a more regular basis. Um, now,

00:25:31.280 is it possible that she's just overly critical and you're showing up in a powerful way? Well,

00:25:35.500 then you need to communicate like Drew's saying and establish some boundaries and actually have

00:25:40.800 that communication. Like, Hey, I don't appreciate you criticizing me all the time.

00:25:45.260 No, it, it makes me feel like you're not appreciative of what I'm doing. I'm showing up in these ways

00:25:50.140 or better yet, ask her the question, why do you criticize me all the time? Why, why are these

00:25:56.400 constant nags and what can I do? Or how can I show up in a more powerful way where you have the 1.00

00:26:01.880 confidence in, in what I'm doing as your husband? That's going to help. So address it really.

00:26:10.360 It's usually, usually not the little things that are the crux of the problem. It's a much bigger

00:26:17.460 thing that you need to sit down and reevaluate Dustin and see if, and like Kip said, if that's

00:26:22.480 how you're showing up and that way you can eliminate what the, the, the factors are and you can get down

00:26:27.760 to what the actual problem is. Um, is it possible that you, that your wife is just a total pain and 0.99

00:26:34.900 nagging you maybe, but generally speaking, it's not that it's, you know, it's a bigger thing.

00:26:40.880 That's not being addressed. And the little things that show up every day, she's just able to,

00:26:44.780 to grab onto. So nag. Yeah. I like to hold onto this idea. So try this out, Dustin. So, 1.00

00:26:50.240 so most upsets, most things that really, uh, get someone really upset is usually in my opinion,

00:26:59.180 one of three things. One, she's not feeling good about her life because she's out of integrity in

00:27:05.420 some way. And that, that sounds extreme, but really think about it guys. If you're not really

00:27:09.220 happy with your life, it's usually not the circumstances. It's how you're showing up in

00:27:14.540 spite of those circumstances and you're not, you don't feel aligned. And so there's a lack of alignment

00:27:19.440 or action on your part, which is essence, you being out of integrity. So there could be that

00:27:24.600 second, something's not being expressed. She, she's holding information back. She's not,

00:27:31.460 she doesn't have this freedom of expression and she's not expressing her emotions about how she

00:27:36.920 feels about something. So that could be the conversation. And then the third is she has

00:27:41.420 expectations that aren't being met. Now there's danger in expectations and we can get on a whole other

00:27:46.340 conversation around that, but you just focus on those things. How do you help her show up more

00:27:52.800 powerfully? What's, what's bothering her having the communication around anything that is unspoken

00:27:59.620 that she's holding a grudge against. Maybe there's an issue that you guys had in your past and she's

00:28:04.420 not over it because she hasn't fully expressed the situation and how she feels or whatever else.

00:28:10.480 And then what's this expectation that she has that's not being met. That's causing her to be so

00:28:15.000 frustrated. In essence, let's just go back to what Root said, or Drew said, you just need to

00:28:20.040 communicate and figure out what those things are and keep having some wise and hopefully you'll get to

00:28:25.460 it. The details, I guess, through that. Cool. You good there, Drew? Yep. All right. Dustin,

00:28:31.840 you're solid, man. There's nothing else for us to share. Okay. Sam Broadway, how do you identify

00:28:38.620 your unique selling proposition? So a little bit of a business side of things. So how you identify

00:28:45.100 your unique selling proposition? Who asked this question? What was it? Sorry. What was the name?

00:28:52.940 Sam. Sam. Sam. Sorry, brother. Sam, what are you really good at? What are you really good at? What are you

00:29:00.340 really passionate about? And how can you implement that into whatever it is you're trying to do, to sell,

00:29:08.560 to pitch, to provide? Add some of that personality, that personal touch to the professional product.

00:29:19.340 That's the approach I would take. That way, it's very authentic coming from you and you're not trying

00:29:24.060 to sell or position yourself as someone or something that you're not. If you can put a personal touch to

00:29:31.000 it and you can put some passion and desire behind it, it's going to come across much, much better and

00:29:37.780 much more authentic. And I'm not telling you to fake it by any means. What I'm saying is find that

00:29:44.320 internal, that personal, passionate touch to it and sell it that way. Yeah, totally.

00:29:50.720 It'll come across as your authentic self, not just that you're reading from a pitch deck or whatever it is

00:29:57.060 that you're positioning or doing. Yeah. And Sam, I don't know if you're a sole proprietor, like it's your

00:30:04.280 own thing or you work for a larger corporation. I think more on the business side, I think you could

00:30:12.700 evaluate your current clientele and figure out why they went with you. What was it that sold your company over

00:30:21.880 the competition? And it's kind of a similar, really a similar answer as yours, Drew, but more from a corporate

00:30:29.780 perspective, right? Like what's the thing that your company is really just naturally good at and why did these

00:30:35.580 existing clients kind of lean towards you? And that might, might open up some of those concepts in

00:30:40.900 regards to, you know, what your unique selling proposition is. But, but I just to re echo what

00:30:46.760 you already said, Drew, don't fake it and don't think it. And the second thing is don't, well, we're just

00:30:53.060 better than the competition. You know what I mean? Like we actually, our projects are better and that's it,

00:30:58.240 right? Like that's not a unique selling proposition. You need to identify like, what is it that allows your

00:31:03.200 company to be way more successful than the competition? And you need to double down on your

00:31:07.700 understanding of that. And I'll add one more thing, Sam, too. You might think you know, but like

00:31:15.120 Kip was saying, go to those customers and ask them. Yeah. Ask them why they trusted you, why they bought

00:31:21.820 from you, what, what it was that, that pushed them over, you know, to, to your side to close that deal

00:31:27.180 to that transaction. Don't be afraid to ask that feedback because like, like I said, you, you may

00:31:33.740 think, you know, or you may, you may have a good idea, but get it right from them. I mean, a testimonial

00:31:38.360 slash review from your current clientele will help you position yourself moving forward. And you'll,

00:31:43.580 you'll have, you'll see the trend of what it is they, they might be saying. Maybe they're all saying

00:31:47.560 similar things. Yeah. That's a really good point, Drew. I remember I was an independent consultant

00:31:53.380 for years and, you know, I don't even know if people still do this, but do you remember I linked

00:31:58.380 in, you could ask people to give you recommendations or whatever. And I remember I had a couple of

00:32:02.940 clients write up recommendations and I remember thinking, really? Like, holy shit. And, and I kind 0.99

00:32:10.320 of saw a trend, you know what I mean? Of what, why, what I was really good at. And I, it was not even on

00:32:16.180 my radar as something that I was really unique or good at. I just, I don't know. I just thought

00:32:22.720 that's how it should be done. If that makes sense. So to Drew's point, right? There's a lot of

00:32:27.220 insights in, in asking those questions from your clients. All right. Tom.

00:32:34.200 Teenie. Sorry, Tom. How do you handle strong willed teenager that pushes the limits and seems to have

00:32:40.700 no regard for your authority? I'm working on how I respond to him rather than reacting, but I'm not

00:32:47.100 getting through to him. He's 14. He's a pain in the ass. I'm just joking. I added that last part. He's

00:32:51.900 14. So Tom, I don't have teenage aged kids. My son Max is nine and my daughter Goldie is five.

00:33:03.480 I would say my daughter is very close to being in or act sometimes as though she's a teenager,

00:33:07.740 even though she's only five. I've got siblings and you know, I'm the oldest of six. And so I've,

00:33:14.240 I've seen it, you know, them grow up and I've, you know, my sister-in-law and they have teenage

00:33:18.820 aged children. I think my only piece of advice I can offer you, Tom, is just, it's just to lead by

00:33:25.340 example, show up every day in integrity and just, just continue to lead by example. I know it's a

00:33:32.520 season. I know they're going to go through it and they're going to, they're going to push back.

00:33:37.300 I think from you, consistency is key.

00:33:41.400 Yeah, totally. You know, when you said lead by example, I thought you said leave at first. I was

00:33:46.120 like, you know what? That would totally work as well. You can just abandon them and just say,

00:33:51.900 screw this. I'm out. See how quick they come running back. No, you know what? Let's definitely

00:33:58.120 lead by example. Yeah. Let's get the advice that Ryan would not give why he's gone. So Tom,

00:34:03.200 the answer is just leave. All right. Next question. All right. I have teenage kids, Tom. So that's why

00:34:10.660 when I was reading this, I'm like laughing because the growth that I have gotten due to my children

00:34:18.360 being teenagers has been substantial. They have certainly stretched me. So I've had

00:34:25.800 my three oldest boys, my, the three oldest boys are 22, 20, and now 18. So I've, I've,

00:34:36.140 I've gone through this teenage thing and by no means am I an expert, but I got some resources for

00:34:41.600 you. So the first one is the anatomy of peace it's by Harbinger institutes, the same company that wrote

00:34:49.340 the book, the outward mindset and the deception, deception of leadership. I think they're all based

00:34:54.700 upon the same concept. And, and the concept is that there is a relationship triangle. And before you're

00:35:01.940 in a position to correct, right, because that's, I mean, even listening to your question, Tom,

00:35:06.480 right, it's your question. Isn't like my kid is whole and complete and perfect. No, is something's

00:35:12.840 wrong and we need to fix it, right? We need to correct the behavior. And their suggestion is, is you're not

00:35:19.620 in a position to correct behavior until you've addressed all these underlining things first. And those

00:35:25.640 underlining things are the following level. Number one, you need to change your mindset around your

00:35:31.260 son that he is actually whole and complete and perfect exactly the way he is. And all that your

00:35:39.220 job is, is to help him find his greatness. So mindset number two, focus on establishing a relationship

00:35:47.260 with those in that have influence with him. So this is interesting because this was probably the light

00:35:55.420 switch for me is, oh, if I'm, if mom and I aren't on the same page, my ability to influence my son is

00:36:04.240 even more difficult because we're not aligned. And so he, and does he care what mom thinks? Yes, he does.

00:36:11.380 And if you and mom are on the same page, then you have hurt your influence with him. Other people of

00:36:18.160 influence his friends, his friends, do they know you? Are you around them? What do they think about

00:36:25.680 you? Right? That affects your ability to have a good relationship with him. Second, building your

00:36:31.300 relationship. And when we talk about building a relationship with someone, ultimately, what does

00:36:36.260 it come down to? Drew, me, me telling you what you're doing wrong? Me criticizing you, Drew, or is it

00:36:43.300 rooted in caring? A strong relationship is Drew knowing that Kip sees me, that he values me as an

00:36:53.900 individual and that I want to help him. Not change him, support him in what he's doing, right? So it's

00:37:01.480 rooted in empathy and care. Then we're in a position to listen and learn. What makes you feel any greater

00:37:09.720 than someone willing to listen to you and learn from you and learn about you, interested in you,

00:37:16.280 right? That's so powerful. So now you're listening and learning, and then you're in a position to teach,

00:37:23.180 communicate, and correct. Only then are you in a position where they actually will value and respect

00:37:29.440 you in a way that they can actually be taught and influenced by you. So I jumped to the bottom of

00:37:35.120 that triangle work right back up. So anatomy and peace. And then the other book that suggests that

00:37:40.680 you read it then, and you know, well, I'm just about resources here. So let me just throw out

00:37:45.360 another resource. So the other book answers, uh, your defiant team. I read this book a couple of years

00:37:52.500 ago and really to give you a book summary of the defiant team is that you need to establish

00:37:59.440 expectations, be super clear in expectations, establish boundaries. And when those boundaries

00:38:05.020 come, Drew, what do you do? Get overly emotional and get pissed off? No, you go, son, our agreement

00:38:11.340 was this, this, this. If you did these actions, also be a positive agreement too, right? Hey, you

00:38:17.940 exceeded in this area and we're going to read the resort. And you're just reinforcing the boundary.

00:38:23.440 You're not attacking them as a person. You're just like, you should almost approach it from the

00:38:28.680 perspective of kind of feeling sad. Son, damn it, man. I'm sorry. Right. Our agreement was X, 1.00

00:38:35.660 right? We got to be consistent, man. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to take the car keys.

00:38:41.160 Yeah. And, and that's it. Not like, what the fuck are you called? I shouldn't be cursing.

00:38:45.600 What are you doing? You know what I mean? Like an, an attacking, getting angry. He knows,

00:38:49.560 right. You're just establishing the boundaries, right. And then in, in enforcing them. So

00:38:54.500 hopefully that helps, but the anatomy of peace is just, Oh, such a great book. Um, check that out,

00:39:01.600 Tom. All right, let's jump into Insta. So, uh, to follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram, that's at Ryan

00:39:08.960 Mickler, uh, Chad Wackinson. My boss and I talk a lot about issues with today's world, and he wants to be

00:39:17.980 able to defend his family if he needed, if the needs arise. I've asked him how he feels about

00:39:23.480 guns and he tells me he wants to get one, but his wife won't let him. She also won't let him put up

00:39:29.300 security cameras. What advice could I give him? Um, man, it, it's tough when you're not on the same

00:39:40.280 page with, with your spouse. Um, that, that is a challenging place to be. So first and foremost,

00:39:46.600 you got to figure that piece of it out. Um, I don't know that the right move is to just do it

00:39:52.020 anyways. I mean, I think you need to probably talk through some of these things and figure out

00:39:56.620 what's going on there. Um, I don't know that that's, that's a tough spot to be. I think that

00:40:02.300 you need to, I think it's more than just security cameras and guns here. This is again, probably a

00:40:07.140 little bit bigger issue that needs to be discussed and you need guys need to get on the same page

00:40:11.020 first before you even start going down the do's and don'ts of, of the two other things, the security

00:40:17.680 cameras and guns conversation. I feel like there's more here going on than just that. Um, totally.

00:40:24.760 I mean, Chad, Drew, you saw it when I, you, you were thinking the same thing I was thinking when you

00:40:29.220 read this, right? This idea that his wife won't let him and she won't let him do this. And he won't let

00:40:35.300 him do that. Like, like, and we're totally projecting chat on your friend here that we,

00:40:39.560 or your boss, we don't even know. Right. But, but, but the reality of it is, is like,

00:40:43.480 so he's just a passive guy and he doesn't do anything unless his wife agrees or, or does he

00:40:49.820 draw the line and say, Hey, this is an area, honey, that's really important to me. I'm going to execute.

00:40:54.800 Right. And, and, and learn about it together, do it together. Like maybe you should go shoot some

00:41:00.500 guns together, figure out where the disconnect is, enroll in a entry-level handgun course together.

00:41:06.860 Um, if it's that big of a contention, find out why it's even a problem. The security camera thing.

00:41:11.060 I mean, I, I, I don't know. I don't, is it because she feels like it draws more attention to the home?

00:41:16.440 I'm not sure. I mean, there's so many unknowns and, and, and variables here. I feel like Chad,

00:41:20.960 you need to, your boss and his wife need to, they need to have a lot of conversations around

00:41:26.360 what's going on in their relationship first, before you even jump into the do's and don'ts

00:41:31.860 of all the other stuff. I have the ultimate strategy of how to get what you want. So everyone

00:41:37.420 pause for a second. Everyone get a piece of paper out. I'll wait, I'll wait a second. I know you're

00:41:41.220 all, all right. Everyone got their pen and paper here. This is what you do. Okay. So we're going to

00:41:45.580 use this, this gun thing as an example. So Chad's boss, right? He wants a gun. So, or guns. So,

00:41:54.320 because there's no, no one buys a gun, right? You buy guns is usually what happens.

00:41:59.580 You may get one at first, but eventually there's a guns conversation. Okay. So he wants to get guns,

00:42:06.120 always plural thing. Um, side note, super funny. So we're, we're at a party and my wife goes,

00:42:14.140 I don't know why he has to have like seven guns or whatever like that. And I'm like seven,

00:42:19.340 I have six. And she's like, no, you have seven. And I'm, I'm like, I now will have seven. That's

00:42:25.100 perfect. So I'm like, Oh, I get to buy one more because you, you had my quota wrong. And, uh,

00:42:32.460 so now I got it. I, and I literally went out and bought another gun because of that. So, um,

00:42:36.820 anyhow, here's, here's everyone's ready for their piece of paper here. You go to your wife and you say,

00:42:43.300 honey, it's really important to me that I really have guns. What is it that I would need to do

00:42:52.040 to make that possible and make you feel good about it?

00:42:58.260 That's it. You want to go to a man's trip to go hunting in Hawaii or whatever, honey, 0.97

00:43:06.160 this is really important to me. I really want to do this. This is why it's important to me,

00:43:10.220 express why it's important. What do I need to do between now and then for you to feel good about

00:43:15.860 me going on a hunting trip to Hawaii? There you go, guys. That's how, and then you do it.

00:43:21.840 Then you do all the things that you talked about and that's how you get what you want.

00:43:27.480 Bam. We're in, in the call right now.

00:43:30.360 Drop mic drop. Okay. Uh, let's see. These are other questions that are really specific to Mr.

00:43:36.760 Mickler song. Let me skip these. All right. We're hopping into Facebook here.

00:43:41.340 Tim Ward. What is a good way to read? This is a great question. I actually wanted to cover this

00:43:46.500 last week, but we were out of time. Uh, Tim Ward, what is a good way to repair your reputation

00:43:51.040 in an industry that you left and want to go back into backstory? I left my last EMS job in 2021 on a bad

00:43:59.640 note. I recently got my, uh, uh, paramedic and applied for other services in my area and didn't get

00:44:06.320 interviewed to due to concerns about my ability to be professional. I don't work in EMS now. So I'd be

00:44:13.840 interested in any advice you'd have on repairing that reputation.

00:44:18.200 Woo. Yeah. Um, well, I would say, and again, not knowing that the nitty gritty details on,

00:44:27.660 on what happened, obviously it sounds like it was a professionalism issue of sorts. Um,

00:44:33.920 you just, you gotta own it. Uh, there's, there's nothing else you can do, but just

00:44:39.360 face the fire. I mean, it sounds like you got a big old egg on your face right now in that particular

00:44:44.300 industry. Um, you just gotta own it and you've got to start somewhere. So it would probably start with

00:44:51.980 apology or apologies to those affected you, you offended or, or whatever happened. Um,

00:45:00.220 and just start showing up. I don't know. I mean that, that, that can be tough, especially in a

00:45:05.980 very, you know, small community like that. Uh, I would say you just got to own it a hundred percent

00:45:11.020 and you probably have to start at the very bottom of the total bowl. And maybe there's a volunteer

00:45:15.440 option. Maybe there's something that you can show them that you're, that you're worthy of another shot

00:45:20.460 of this. Um, and just take it from there. Totally. Here's the drawback. The drawback is

00:45:27.780 that you probably hurt your reputation. You know, what's this just assume over a year ago.

00:45:34.240 And it's now only because you're trying to get back into the industry that you might be apologizing.

00:45:40.140 It would have been really great that back then you owned it and cleared it up. And now a year later,

00:45:48.360 when you come back in the industry that that doesn't look like you're just trying to manipulate

00:45:52.140 the thing right now, it's like, Oh, you're just trying to get a job. Right. So that's the

00:45:57.160 unfortunate part. So you, you gotta, I think you gotta approach this from a very genuine perspective,

00:46:02.300 not with the intent of trying to get a job, right? Like your, your, you should be clearing this up

00:46:09.040 because you're fully committed and bought into the idea that the way you showed up impacted people in

00:46:16.160 a negative way. And you don't want to die with that reputation. That's it. That should be your

00:46:23.580 reason. And you, you need to fix it. Um, Jocko, and this is, and it's, I'm not to get all biblical

00:46:32.480 here, but like the repentance process and taking extreme ownership is kind of the same thing. Right.

00:46:38.240 So first is own it in your head as in though, like, Hey, I did this. It was not, I, you didn't

00:46:45.760 have some reason or excuse or some justification that whatever you did, that was unprofessional

00:46:52.260 that's on you, no excuses whatsoever. So that's the first part is get that straight in your head.

00:46:58.160 Second, you need to communicate the fact you need to communicate that to those impacted.

00:47:02.860 And then you need to tell them what was the impact. Then they know you really get it. Right.

00:47:12.400 Drew, if, if, if I offend you and I show up in a, in a negative way in our relationship and I'm like,

00:47:17.840 Hey, Drew, man, that's on me. That's my fault. I'm sorry, man. And we just move on. Uh, did,

00:47:25.380 does he really get it? Did he really own it? But when I come to the conversation with you, Drew,

00:47:30.440 go and say, Hey, Drew, what I have the perfect example, guys, here you go. Work example, by the

00:47:35.440 way. So we're, we're doing this large streaming service, um, online for a large credit union.

00:47:42.020 It's pretty gnarly. And people could watch the live stream of a new board appointees and vote

00:47:50.320 for the new board appointees, um, all remotely in streaming. And, and this whole process is a legal

00:47:57.720 process. And so there's a lot of pressure, like it, like the stream can't go down. The voting can't

00:48:04.000 like not work. Right. It's like a really, really, really big deal. And we did a prototype for a

00:48:09.200 client and we did our tasks. Everything's going smooth. And he's like, this is excellent. Let's

00:48:14.900 have you guys do this for our executive team. So they're bought into what we're doing. So we have

00:48:20.040 the confidence with that executive team on this live stream voting app that we developed.

00:48:25.960 We go live. We, we, so we do this executive demo and it goes to shit, like midway, all of a sudden 0.97

00:48:37.020 the stream breaks, the voting doesn't work everything. Like the entire demo just is a 0.94

00:48:42.460 disaster. So bad that I like, I grabbed the streaming and I just turned it off. Uh, I just

00:48:48.500 disconnect. And I'm like, Oh, and then we had to hop on a call, like a follow-up call to see

00:48:54.920 how the demo went. And we get on the demo and we, Oh, I, and I softly owned it at that

00:49:01.240 moment because it's with the executives of this, of this large credit firm or credit union.

00:49:05.620 And then after that meeting was over, I went to our stakeholder, the IT director. And I said,

00:49:12.840 Bob, I said, Hey, Bob, that is a hundred percent on us. We should have tested more. We, we overlooked

00:49:23.560 a couple of key areas. We could have invested more time to ensure that that demo went well,

00:49:27.800 my apologies. And then check this out. I realize by us failing that demo for the executive team,

00:49:36.740 that that possibly hurt your reputation with them, that they and their confidence in you and

00:49:44.480 your abilities and the consulting firm you chose, which is us is now possibly damaged due to our

00:49:51.400 inability to demo that effectively. I'm fully aware of that. I understand how that might affect

00:49:57.060 you in your employment and you have our dedication and commitment that we're going to double our

00:50:03.080 efforts to ensure that we're ready for the next demo and the system goes well and everything else.

00:50:08.560 Do you think he really understood that I was connected to the possible impact for sure?

00:50:15.600 So from your perspective, Tim, man, you got to get clear. What is this real? How did this really

00:50:21.940 affect people? And you need to communicate how it affected them. And then you need to express what

00:50:27.660 you're going to do or what you've done as a man to show up, to ensure that you don't affect other

00:50:33.020 people in that way ever again. And it has to be genuine. That's what sucks because right now it's kind

00:50:39.120 of geared on this idea of trying to find a job, right? Or get a job back in the industry. So it's not

00:50:45.000 100% genuine anymore. And so I would approach it from the perspective like, yeah, and if they forgive

00:50:52.240 me, awesome. If they don't, they don't. And I understand. And you have to be kind of okay with

00:50:56.060 that. That's the right mindset, in my opinion. Anything you add to that, Drew? I kind of ranted.

00:51:00.780 No, that's great.

00:51:02.280 No, that's great.

00:51:03.840 All right. Peter Zeffo, my sister-in-law is recently divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage.

00:51:10.660 Oh, she is completely naive to the current dating scene and has entered into a relationship with 0.99

00:51:17.820 a man that has obviously taken advantage of her vulnerability. Her sister, my wife,

00:51:23.660 has expressed her concerns along with other family members. At what point do I, as a big brother,

00:51:29.320 have a conversation with the guy? Yeah.

00:51:32.420 Well, that's a tough spot to be in. I mean, 20 years of marriage ending like that, I'm sure that

00:51:38.420 is difficult. And I could imagine, I mean, I'm Krista and I've been together for 15 years,

00:51:44.920 married for 12 now. And so I can imagine getting back into the dating scene would be

00:51:49.280 very odd.

00:51:50.480 A disaster.

00:51:51.160 With all these apps now and all these things. It sounds miserable to me.

00:51:55.780 Unfortunately, I think some of these lessons kind of have to be learned the hard way, but

00:52:04.900 on her part, on her part, by all means, if she's in danger or, or anything like that,

00:52:12.400 then you should absolutely step in, in my opinion. If it's just a unfortunate relationship

00:52:19.860 and it's just, you know, she's just having to learn some hard lessons. I don't really know that

00:52:24.100 there's much that, that you can do. However, if there are some issues, some, some serious issues

00:52:30.720 that need to be addressed, in my opinion, I mean, I would be stepping in immediately.

00:52:37.460 This is tough because, you know, I kind of see it as like, I had this thought around

00:52:45.900 Tom. So Tom Cruise is in the news, right? Top Gun, everyone's loving the movie. And he had like some

00:52:53.240 ex-girlfriend or something that posted, made some posts about how she'll never support the show

00:53:00.640 because Tom Cruise is part of the church of Scientology and, and this and that. And then

00:53:05.220 she went on a rant about how that church of Scientology ruined her family, right? Ruined her 1.00

00:53:12.540 family. And I was thinking about it. I'm like, how often do we hear stories like that? And we're like,

00:53:17.000 oh yeah, that must be really bad. And then, and then you look at it and says, the church ruined

00:53:22.040 your family or you ruined your family, right? Like who really ruined the family? Oh, well,

00:53:31.260 this church, didn't you choose to go to that church? Didn't you choose to act on certain

00:53:38.360 principles? So it's really that you ruined your family then, right? And it's very interesting.

00:53:44.640 We, we have a tendency to kind of like, you know what I mean? Plus the blame on something else.

00:53:49.740 Marie out. It's like, no, actually she ruined her family. And so is this guy taking advantage of

00:53:56.380 your, your sister or is she allowing a guy to take advantage of her? And what's the thing that

00:54:03.520 should be taught? Protect her from every single guy that might take advantage of her or her learning 0.96

00:54:10.120 not to be taken advantage of, right? I know she's quote unquote naive to the current dating scene. 0.93

00:54:16.800 So that seems to be the issue, right? So I think that's the issue, right? It's not the guy that

00:54:24.200 it's the fact that she's naive. So I would, I would focus on that. That's the bigger game,

00:54:29.880 right? That's the long game. That's the, the thing that should actually probably be addressed. Not

00:54:34.460 necessarily, you know, shielding your, your sister-in-law constantly from every guy,

00:54:40.740 Tom, Dick and Harry that might show up that might take advantage of her.

00:54:45.800 So I would focus a little bit more on addressing the naive part more than probably anything else.

00:54:50.840 Now with the whole disclaimers that drew brought up, right? Is she, is she physically in harm? And

00:54:56.400 you know, that's a whole other, a whole other game, but other than that, she needs to learn that

00:55:00.680 that's life, right? I mean, it's just like when raising our kids, you know, if, if your kids

00:55:05.760 take advantage of what do you do run to the school and implement school policy to make sure that your

00:55:11.080 kid never gets to take advantage of, no, you harden your kid. You help your kid rise up. You don't

00:55:18.700 expect society to pander to us and, and, and, and adjust to us. No, you actually teach your kid to

00:55:27.380 rise up. Now with that all said, you can see all the correlations of other social issues that we're

00:55:32.160 talking about that we're not, that we're not even mentioning. And, but yet that's how we approach

00:55:36.820 issues in society. Oh, what's implement this big old system. Let's implement these regulations or guess

00:55:42.360 what you could do. Help your kid rise up, help your kid grow. Isn't that kind of the idea anyway?

00:55:52.940 A hundred percent. Fired up, man. I'm going to piss off.

00:55:55.740 Okay. Vincent, uh, Bella, Bella, Tony, uh, Oh, a jujitsu question. He see, we, we got to get our

00:56:05.080 jujitsu questions in. Do you find yourself often forgetting techniques that you've learned? If so,

00:56:09.800 how do you combat this and ensure that all you've learned is taken in and not forgotten?

00:56:16.880 Uh, do you want me to answer this one, Drew? Do you have an opinion on this?

00:56:20.240 Well, the only times I've ever rolled are with you, Kip and Matthew Arrington and got my ass kicked 0.98

00:56:25.040 at some order of man events. So, uh, I don't have much to say here. Um, you can take this one all

00:56:31.920 the way. Okay. So finding yourself forgetting techniques. So, so drilling, obviously the, the,

00:56:37.860 the, the superficial, not superficial, but the typical answer to this is drill a lot, right?

00:56:42.420 Do drills, constantly drilling moves. Um, but, but I don't, and, and, uh, other guys will actually

00:56:49.500 journal and I used to do this, right? By the way, I I'd like learn a class and then I would try to

00:56:55.120 journal what I learned. Oh my gosh. You know how hard it is to explain like a jujitsu move.

00:57:01.400 Yeah. I know probably like five pages to like, well, and if they do this, then do this. And I'm

00:57:06.520 like, Oh, this is like impossible to really document. So I would focus on two things, drilling a lot

00:57:13.160 and then sharing what you've learned. That's it. So once you learn a move, find a buddy that you can

00:57:19.480 then regurgitate, regurgitate that information to and show him the move. And that will probably

00:57:24.800 cement things far better than probably anything else. And then the last part is don't put too

00:57:29.820 much weight on like, Oh, I, I forgot that technique. And, and I don't know if I'm just bought into the

00:57:36.680 whole, like, I don't know. I, I questioned my response. Let me say it that way, Vincent,

00:57:41.780 but some of the best training I've ever had, I didn't try to remember anything. My body did

00:57:49.140 and it just happened. Like I've literally done open roles where I did something that I haven't done

00:57:57.640 for years and it just happened. And I was like, that was awesome. That's kind of like jujitsu.

00:58:04.860 Your body's learning on its own, whether your mind is there or not, there's muscle memory,

00:58:08.740 there's all kinds of stuff. So don't, don't put too much weight. Like I can't regurgitate this

00:58:13.040 you're learning and through the reps, it'll be cemented in what you're doing. Just keep rolling,

00:58:18.920 man. Just keep training. Don't put too much weight into your ability to forget techniques. Otherwise

00:58:24.940 you're got, you're adding more stress. That's probably unnecessary to your jujitsu. So, all right,

00:58:31.160 let's cover one last question here. We got two questions. Let me pick one of the two.

00:58:34.820 All right. Yeah. Let's go with Jerry Rhodes. My wife lost her great-grandmother who her and the

00:58:46.800 children were very close to. And then two days later lost their one-year-old puppy.

00:58:54.180 Tips on helping them through one of the hardest weeks of their lives.

00:58:57.860 Yeah. That's tough, uh, to lose love family members and, and, um, pets and those, those sorts of

00:59:08.680 things. I mean, I can relate here again. I'll, I'll bring back up my, my father-in-law, you know,

00:59:11.960 he passed a couple of years ago and, uh, my kids were very young and it was very, very difficult.

00:59:15.900 He was a very, had a very big impact on my son and they had a very special relationship. So that was

00:59:20.560 very challenging and heartbreaking to have to explain to him that his grandfather's is now in heaven.

00:59:27.100 Um, again, just showing up, be there for them, remind them, you know, talk about and smile about

00:59:34.300 and laugh about the good times and the memories, um, and just make sure those memories carry on.

00:59:39.120 You know, there's still little things we do in remembrance of my father-in-law and, uh, from my

00:59:43.840 son. And we recently just moved my mother-in-law. She just downsized to a smaller home. And my father-in-law

00:59:50.560 was quite the mechanic. He built hot rods and all those kinds of things. So he had a shop that was just

00:59:55.000 amazing over the top, every tool known to man, everything. Um, so me and my brother-in-law,

01:00:00.400 you know, we, we all got to choose a few things and a couple of rolling tool chests to keep it

01:00:05.020 and that sort of thing. And so we put a small tool chest together for my son.

01:00:08.560 That was his grandfather's with tools that he had from his grandfather, some of these tools,

01:00:14.080 you know, back to the late 1800s, early 1900s from their ranch. And, um, just memories like that,

01:00:19.280 keeping those kinds of things alive. And it is hard and allow them the space and the room to grieve

01:00:24.680 and provide the support they need, but also take pride in the good memories that come from those

01:00:31.080 relationships that you have as well. Yeah. Yeah. I think letting them,

01:00:36.740 I don't know the right term, letting them own, own their tears, you know, like I, I would embrace

01:00:44.940 the sadness, if that makes sense, you know, like just be okay with it. My, my dad passed away.

01:00:52.400 Jeez. It's been an, and father's day weekend is a little tough to be honest with you. You know,

01:00:58.040 in fact, when we were heading out of town and, um, and I told my wife, I'm like, Oh, I need to call my

01:01:05.500 dad. And then I paused for a second. You know what I mean? I was like, Oh damn, my dad passed away.

01:01:11.520 You know what I mean? So it's, it's funny how I forget about it sometimes, but, um, 0.98

01:01:15.920 you know, Jocko did a podcast years ago and, and I, I've, I've shared it with a bunch of guys over

01:01:23.400 time because it made sense to me like logically, but it didn't emotionally make sense to me until

01:01:30.620 my dad passed away. And, and, and Jocko talks about, it's like waves of the ocean, right? Like

01:01:36.840 at first the waves of grief will just crash on you constantly. Right. And eventually over time,

01:01:44.000 the set of those waves becomes longer, the time between the sets. And then sometimes you'll feel

01:01:49.860 like you're completely okay. And then a wave will crash on you. And then you just be flooded with

01:01:55.660 emotion. And, um, and it's okay. Like, and that's the, that's the thing, right? At least for me,

01:02:02.840 it's like, it's okay for me to be randomly driving home and, and, and think, Oh, I need to call my dad

01:02:12.400 for father's day and then break down and just be so totally sad about it. Like, that's okay. And,

01:02:18.080 and I think, especially for children, we, we need to not like, we need to encourage them to mourn.

01:02:25.120 We need to encourage them to be okay with that and to be present to the way they're feeling and to

01:02:30.980 talk about it, not necessarily kind of hide that. Um, and so that, that's, would be my advice is

01:02:36.160 let them own those tears. It's good. It's good. And, and then to kind of what your, your point is

01:02:42.720 the next step of that process is honor them, you know, and remember them and remember their greatness

01:02:48.280 and, and, and don't let go of their impact in your lives. And you do that through honoring them

01:02:54.180 and remembering them. And then, and then the last thing I'd add to it is, and the most profound way

01:03:00.540 of honoring their lives is to rise up and become the best version of yourselves. That's how you honor

01:03:07.100 those that have passed is being the best version of yourself. So good stuff. Okay, man. Right. I think

01:03:15.240 we're up on time. So let's, let's wrap really quick. So a couple of things I already mentioned them

01:03:20.360 earlier, but if you wanted to join the IC, the iron council or exclusive brotherhood, go to

01:03:25.340 orderofman.com slash iron council. You have roughly about a week left. Uh, and then we're going to

01:03:30.420 close up membership. So join us guys that are already part of Facebook group guys listening

01:03:35.800 that are part of the iron council band, man, like let's show up in a very powerful way, share the

01:03:42.960 message. Let's get more guys in the IC. I feel so passionate about the subject and we all know it

01:03:50.220 to be true that if men showed up more powerfully in their homes or stayed in their homes and were

01:03:57.320 even present in their homes more than they are now, the great deal of all of our issues in society

01:04:03.580 would be reduced drastically if we just showed up in a more powerful way. So band with us, let's get

01:04:11.960 men going. If you know, some guys that need to level up that are ready to be fully committed and bought

01:04:17.300 in, tell them about the iron council, tell them about the podcast, subscribe to the YouTube channel,

01:04:24.220 follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram, share the messages of what we're doing here.

01:04:29.660 Let's help rise each other up. You can connect with Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan

01:04:35.020 Mickler. And I think the last thing really is our father and son's event, which is a legacy,

01:04:42.320 legacy coming this September to learn more about that event in Maine. That's orderofman.com

01:04:47.980 slash legacy. That will sell out without a doubt. In fact, it may already be sold out. So if you're

01:04:54.840 on the fence, you need to execute just like everything else in life. Opportunities don't

01:04:58.720 come when we're ready. They come when they're, when they show up. And so the question is, is,

01:05:02.840 are you going to tackle and take them on or not? And so if you, if you're on the fence around legacy,

01:05:08.120 join us, orderofman.com slash legacy. Drew, thank you, sir. I appreciate you.

01:05:14.340 Thank you, brother. Thank you. I had a great time. This was a lot of fun. I hope to do it again.

01:05:18.060 And the guys continue to show up, take action and just be the man that you know you can be and

01:05:25.040 should be. We'll wrap up with that. Thanks, Drew. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:05:30.720 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:05:34.500 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 22, 2022

Repairing Your Reputation, Dealing with Criticism from Your Spouse, and Handling a Strong-Willed Teen ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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