Order of Man - Requesting a Promotion, Dealing with Revenge, and Helping people change

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.360 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Order of Man podcast.

00:00:31.220 You are listening to another AMA, the Ask Me Anything. I am running solo today. Of course,

00:00:38.600 not as good when Mr. Mickler isn't with us, but we'll make do. We got some solid questions from

00:00:44.540 the Facebook group. We'll go over these. We'll have a good discussion and be part of the discussion.

00:00:50.800 And you're part of that discussion by hopping on the Facebook group, joining us on Facebook,

00:00:56.500 having a conversation, bring up some of the questions that got submitted today, and have

00:01:02.060 that conversation with other men above and beyond, obviously, of what you're hearing from me. Or if

00:01:06.820 you're watching this on YouTube, leave your comments below. Let's hear what's working for you. Let's hear

00:01:12.120 what's your insights and your opinions around some of these questions. And let's have an effective

00:01:18.540 dialogue and conversation around the things that are ultimately important to men. And a lot of these

00:01:27.240 questions are right in line with that concept of thinking. They're critical. None of this

00:01:33.200 hypothetical talk, none of this stuff that aren't important, just the important stuff and the stuff

00:01:40.440 that we should be talking about. So share this message, join us, and let's get rolling.

00:01:46.620 So like I mentioned earlier, the questions today are going to be filled from our Facebook group.

00:01:50.740 You can join us at facebook.com slash group slash Order of Man. And if you are interested in learning

00:01:58.100 more about our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council, go to orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:02:05.200 Let's get into it. So our first question is from Chris Andreon. I struggle with decisiveness.

00:02:11.500 Some guys I know are great at coming to a decision quickly and then just fixing it if it isn't right.

00:02:17.560 I tend to overanalyze always. Is there any way to change that? So first off, I can relate, Chris. I'm

00:02:25.720 the same way. So when I think, I'll just give you a working example right now. So in my basement

00:02:31.920 downstairs, we have a TV room for the kids and we have a TV on a stand and it's ugly, right? So I want to do

00:02:39.140 a TV mount. I want to move it halfway up the wall. I'm going to get rid of all the cables,

00:02:43.000 have maybe a Roku on the back of the TV, clean, really simple. Unfortunately, there's no power

00:02:48.560 on that side of the wall. So I have to move the power over, go up, you know, put a new outlet there,

00:02:54.060 fix up some drywall, yada, yada, yada, right? And I have overthought it a hundred different ways.

00:03:00.920 Why? Because I'm procrastinating. Ultimately, it comes down to I'm procrastinating and, and I think

00:03:07.580 I have to like plan it out. I have to analyze it. I have to know exactly what I'm doing first and

00:03:11.660 yada, yada, yada. So, so here you go. You're getting advice from a guy who has the same problem

00:03:17.040 that you have. What I have found that works sometimes if I remember this. So, and this is

00:03:22.260 helpful because me telling you this, I'm like, yeah, I need to do the same thing. Act first. So make a

00:03:29.040 decision that if you need to work on the car or you need to clean the garage, or you need to do

00:03:34.500 this project around the house, or you got to write this, uh, statement of work or there's report or

00:03:39.720 whatever, act first before you analyze. So commit to yourself. I have this block on my office desk

00:03:47.600 and it has like 10, 15, five and 30 minutes on it. And you turn it on, you flip the block and it,

00:03:54.180 and it counts down and I'll have an alarm for 30 minutes. Just commit to that time window.

00:03:59.160 So I'm not going to overthink it. I'm just going to act immediately. Not, not even if you know what

00:04:03.160 you're doing, just act and say, I'm going to work on it for 30 minutes. And at that point,

00:04:07.160 I'm going to pause and then, and pivot. What I found is once I act and then think I'm, I'm on the

00:04:13.620 train, right? The train is moving. And by the time I pause and go, Oh, I need to think this, I'm already

00:04:17.340 rolling. Right. And I'm feeling good. I'm making progress. And now I'm not going to procrastinate

00:04:22.020 or overanalyze. So I would focus on that approach. I do the same approach when I go to the gym.

00:04:27.680 I don't know what my workout is until I show up. I always start my workout with a 10 minute bike

00:04:33.080 or run. So I, I just get dressed. I go to the gym and I hop on the bike. And while I'm biking,

00:04:38.140 I pull up, figure out what my routine is going to be. And then I work out. Otherwise, if I do that at

00:04:43.280 home, I'm like, Oh, you know, what should I do? And so I already know what I'm doing before I even

00:04:48.320 leave because mostly I'm using an app, but I don't look at that because I'll overthink it.

00:04:53.020 You know what I'm saying? So I just get to the gym first, start acting immediate,

00:04:57.040 do it in small chunks, then pause. And even like, uh, you give me an example. Some guys,

00:05:03.540 uh, in the iron council in the past on previous battle teams, they struggle with like journaling,

00:05:08.560 for instance. And sometimes it's because the last time you journaled, you spent two hours journaling.

00:05:14.740 And so the next time you go to do it, you're like, screw that. Like that was a mundane process.

00:05:19.320 It took too long, blah, blah. So be committed to it. So if, if you're going to work on a project,

00:05:24.440 okay, I'm going to work on it exactly in an hour. And then after I'm done the hour, I'm done.

00:05:28.480 So then that way, the next time you need to do a task, you don't feel overwhelmed because you

00:05:32.800 overdid it last time and destroyed your schedule and, you know, took too much time. So time block it,

00:05:38.940 act first, give some analysis second. I think Chris, I think those things will help,

00:05:44.120 but like I said, this is coming from someone that kind of has a little bit of the same mentality as

00:05:48.460 you. So maybe we should save that question for someone else. All right. Paul, uh, Yivkak,

00:05:54.380 Yivkak, how does one find happiness in a career they are miserable in?

00:06:02.060 So Paul, I'm going to suggest that the question in itself is very insightful. How does one find

00:06:10.700 happiness in a career they are miserable in? I don't think we need a career to be happy.

00:06:18.240 So, and I think there's more to it, right? So here's my thoughts. I would focus in areas where

00:06:24.600 you can find purpose and fulfillment in life. Find that. And if your job ends up being a means

00:06:33.280 to have that fulfillment, so be it, but you're in line with how you are showing up in life and

00:06:40.300 everything else. I, and, and I don't know the specifics of your job and all this kind of stuff.

00:06:45.560 So, you know, these are all hypotheticals, but I know two men that work for the same exact company.

00:06:53.360 One man hates his job is miserable. The company's miserable. They're this, they're that.

00:06:58.960 The other guy thinks he has the best job on earth. What's the difference?

00:07:06.680 Perspective. Period. One sees it as a means to something greater and he takes advantage of it.

00:07:13.100 He finds great joy in hard days, work and accomplishment. The other one just sees everything

00:07:18.980 wrong with it. So I would really focus on, make sure that your perspective is accurate,

00:07:25.540 right? That you're clear on your perspective in regards to what that job does for you. Make sure

00:07:31.200 that you're owning your emotions and your feelings, and then also find a life of purpose and fulfillment.

00:07:37.580 You may not find that in your job, but you can find it somewhere else. And if the job is a means to

00:07:43.380 allow you to find that fulfillment and purpose somewhere else, then, then that's awesome. And it gave

00:07:48.240 you the capabilities of doing that, right? So yeah, focus. And one last thing, focus on how you show up.

00:07:58.340 Not the job that you do, not the people you work with, not any of those things, but focus on who you

00:08:04.540 are being in that job. There you go. Peter Wesson, what do you think we see, why we see so much

00:08:17.660 opposition to masculinity in the modern progressivism? So, and, and, uh, so here's some

00:08:26.140 thoughts, obviously thoughts. So one, I think some progressive mentality, progressiveness,

00:08:35.740 their mentality is that they don't celebrate differences. And they think that if they think

00:08:47.160 being similar in the same is the equivalent of equality. Um, so like in regards to genders,

00:08:56.140 we're not the same, men and women are drastically different and it's perfect and it's amazing.

00:09:02.660 And we should celebrate those differences, not think that, well, if they're not the same,

00:09:07.700 then they're not equal. That's not true. So that's one reason why I think, um, there's a struggle with

00:09:13.020 masculinity. The other thing is think about what masculinity virtues are, personal ownership,

00:09:20.340 responsibility for one's life, sovereignty, right? I think most progressives lean in the opposite of

00:09:29.900 direction of that, right? Like there's a little bit of, and maybe I'm being unfair to progressives,

00:09:34.820 but there's a sense of victimhood and woe is me and it's someone else's fault and it's not my

00:09:40.980 responsibility. And I think masculinity is the, is the complete opposite and it flips that on its head.

00:09:47.620 And so, and, and, and it's hard to be with people. If I'm a victim, it's hard to be with

00:09:53.300 people that are taking ownership, right? Because it's in my face. Like if, if, if I don't agree

00:09:59.000 with them or if I agree with them, then that means it's my fault. Like, holy crap, right? Like I don't

00:10:04.740 want to take that responsibility. It's not my fault. I can't control these outside circumstances that

00:10:09.040 affect me. It's not, you know, it's not my fault that I was raised the way I was like, there's so many,

00:10:13.500 and maybe this is just a problem with society as, as a general, I think, but victimhood is,

00:10:19.420 is everywhere. Think about it. People are upset about politics. They're upset about everything.

00:10:24.480 Why? Because they take no ownership of their life and it's someone else being elected. That's going

00:10:30.360 to make their life better. Like they honestly believe that they really honestly believe that

00:10:34.620 depending on who the president is, their life will be better. And, and maybe there's aspects of that,

00:10:40.320 but are you willing to do that? Are you willing to give over that to someone else? Wouldn't you

00:10:45.400 rather be in control of that? I would. And I, and I think that's a big difference between

00:10:50.740 masculinity and, and a lot of where our culture is today, um, including progressivism. So, um,

00:10:57.240 the other thing is, I think we have to have some empathy or understanding that there's safety and

00:11:02.860 group think, right? It's like, if we all think this way and, you know, we're all in agreement and,

00:11:08.040 and we find like shelter in knowing that other people see it the same way and independent thinkers,

00:11:14.560 I think come across as like unpredictable and a little bit of like shaking the status quo.

00:11:21.880 And in my, for me, masculinity is part of that. It is part of like, I don't need group think. I don't

00:11:29.460 need a bunch of people to agree with me. It's nice for sure. And I want to surround myself around

00:11:33.420 key individuals, but in the grand scheme of things, um, I'm going to do what's best for me,

00:11:38.540 what's best for my family, my community, and I'm going to take ownership for my life.

00:11:44.780 Great Smithers. If you see a friend heading down the wrong path, how do you help guide them back to

00:11:49.800 the correct one? So everyone say it together. Example, example, example, right? We have to be a good

00:11:56.500 example. I think we're all in agreement that that is kind of the baseline of it. However, I'd like to add

00:12:02.680 just like another thought to that, Greg is because here's the deal. We can't be tugboats, right?

00:12:08.620 You're not changing someone like everyone listening right now. Everyone pause for a second.

00:12:15.360 I don't care if it's your wife, if it's your parents, if it's your friends, if it's anybody,

00:12:19.640 you're not going to change them. So stop.

00:12:25.140 Stop trying to change people. It doesn't work. Now, what you can change is you. You can change

00:12:34.200 you. You can change your perspective, how you deal with circumstances. You can change your thought

00:12:38.440 process, how you react to, you know, those difficult circumstances. That's all within your

00:12:44.320 control. Focus on what's in your control. Now, do we want to better and we want to serve other

00:12:49.460 individuals without a doubt, but you got to let go of the expectation that they're going

00:12:54.100 to change. And it sucks. And I know it sucks. Like I've had people in my life that I, I drifted

00:13:00.640 away from, or I see them making other decisions and I, you can't, you can't force their hand.

00:13:07.080 All that we can do is be a good example. And, and to that, I would say, what does it mean to

00:13:14.440 be a good example? And I keep using this analogy because I need to hear it so much. And my wife

00:13:21.560 reminded me that I needed to hear it literally last week. I can be killing it. I can be a disciplined

00:13:27.780 father. I can provide structure. I can do all these things. But if I'm doing it from the perspective

00:13:33.020 of being a grump, being angry and frustrated, who would want to follow my example?

00:13:39.960 So not only do we need to like be on top of our game and we want to be successful and we want to

00:13:47.680 accomplish things, but we got to do it in a way that we're pleasant to be around, that we draw people

00:13:54.060 in, right? It's the analogy, you know, let your light so shine. So other people see it, right?

00:14:00.420 You getting stuff done and accomplishing your day is not a light shining. Your happiness,

00:14:08.840 your fulfillment in life, your gratefulness, your love and empathy for others, that shines.

00:14:16.540 So get clear on what a good example looks like. And then from a tactical perspective,

00:14:23.640 one of the best ways to guide someone is spend time with them, serve them. If there's a book that

00:14:32.420 resonates and that is calling their name, buy them a copy and say, hey, dude, thought of you.

00:14:38.620 You should read this book. I think you'd really enjoy it. When you're done, let's talk.

00:14:43.060 Let them find it for themselves through your example, through your recommendations and through

00:14:49.480 your service. And I think at the end, that's pretty much all we can do and just stay on the

00:14:55.720 path. So that way, when they're ready for your guidance and direction, you're on the path, ready

00:15:01.200 to help them. I don't know if that sounded cheesy. It kind of sounded cheesy. Maybe, maybe a little

00:15:08.040 cheesy. All right. Michael Jetter, practical exercises or ways to work on mental strength.

00:15:19.480 Um, uh, I'll, I'll use my son. So I had a good, uh, good talk with my son and, um, without giving

00:15:29.340 up, you know, too much detail, we're, we're chatting, excuse me, COVID. And he's, uh, 19 and his

00:15:38.700 question was, or he's 20 actually, geez, 20. His question was like, Hey dad, like I'm struggling

00:15:44.160 with discipline really. In essence, that's kind of what he's saying. Uh, you know, how

00:15:49.880 do I, how do I get past this? And my question to him is in what ways are you acts or exercising

00:15:56.140 your mental discipline? What things are you doing around delayed gratification? It's, it's,

00:16:06.080 it's really interesting. We do all kinds of stuff, right? You want to be great at piano.

00:16:09.840 What do you have to do? You got to practice piano. You want to be good at a sport. You got

00:16:14.600 to practice the sport. You want to learn something in technology. You study, right? We have all

00:16:18.900 these things that require like practice and studying, but when it comes to like mental

00:16:23.380 fortitude or even concentration or how to focus, we just all think that like, Oh, you just do

00:16:30.580 it. Yeah, no, it requires practice, right? So here's some ideas, Michael. So fasting,

00:16:36.220 you force your body not to eat and you decide to go on a 32 hour or 48 hour fast.

00:16:45.580 That's a great way to practice some mental fortitude and mental strength, right? To overcome

00:16:50.800 your body. So I would fast, not all the time, obviously, but I would fast on a regular basis,

00:16:56.900 right? I almost enter sometimes not today, but sometimes I'll intermittent fast until around

00:17:02.100 two 30 PM every single day. Other times I've gone fasting for three days just to do it. And it's

00:17:09.840 actually, there's some health benefits of your research. I'm not a doctor, blah, blah, blah.

00:17:12.840 So look into that. The other thing is working out for some guys. If you're not regularly working out,

00:17:17.500 work out on a regular basis. It's not fun. Waking up early. It's not fun all the time. Working out all

00:17:23.040 the time. It's not fun. Do that. It's hard. It's difficult. It requires mental strength.

00:17:27.920 Um, doing other hard things, things that you, you know, make a list of the things that you feel

00:17:33.120 uncomfortable doing and work those into your plan and your schedule. Cold showers, commit, uh, be

00:17:40.820 committed to say things that you normally don't say or that you hold back on, right? Um, put yourself

00:17:47.940 in new settings, in scenarios where you have to meet new people. Um, just try new things. Like I would

00:17:55.080 really focus on how do you create that mental fortitude? What are things that are cut? And most

00:18:01.980 of those things are kind of tied to delayed gratification, right? It's like working out

00:18:06.580 doesn't feel good until you're done working out. Running a marathon doesn't feel good at all until

00:18:11.020 you're done, right? Fasting doesn't really feel that good. Well, actually it starts feeling good

00:18:16.580 sometimes, but may not feel good until you eat that meal, right? So look for those things to exercise

00:18:22.340 mental strength and fortitude. And I think that's how you build it. So hopefully that's helpful.

00:18:29.500 All right. Andrew Ballard steps to take, to protect yourself in a divorce, learning the hard way

00:18:35.880 to protect yourself in a divorce. So Andrew, I'm assuming we're talking like

00:18:41.320 how to not lose custody of your kids, right? I'm assuming. Um,

00:18:46.620 so here's, here's a couple thoughts. So first is, um, fight for your right. Yeah. Oh, she's joking.

00:18:56.940 All right. I didn't intentionally say that, but I do love BC boys. So fight for your right to be with

00:19:02.340 your kids, fight for your time. Don't bend over backwards. Do not give up anything in regard

00:19:09.120 to your opportunity and your time with your children. Don't do it. In fact, I used to always

00:19:15.360 joke around that like, that it was frustrating that I paid so much child support to not see my kids

00:19:24.020 that I wish I'd, I'd rather pay more and actually get more for my money. Right. So, but don't

00:19:31.120 compromise in that area. Your, your, your kids need to be around you as much as humanly possible.

00:19:36.000 You need to fight for them. I actually, I don't even know if kids are involved, but if they are,

00:19:40.140 you fight for your time with them as much as humanly possible. Second, I think some States

00:19:44.940 have, um, I don't know what's called, but it's like divorced parenting classes. Um, find those

00:19:54.180 some States actually required as a mandate. So, um, but if they don't find that and hire a counselor

00:20:02.100 and convince your wife that it's for your best, for your kids, for you to both go to, uh, the

00:20:08.680 ex spouse counts, parent counseling or whatever it's called. And that will be helpful because

00:20:16.360 that brings in a third party. That's going to have some opinions about strategies, about what you

00:20:20.420 should and should not do as divorced parents, such as never talked bad about the other parent and all

00:20:24.500 that kind of stuff. And it's not going to come from you because it's, it's not going to work coming

00:20:27.620 from you at this point. Right. So I would look for those classes and, and then I would make sure

00:20:33.700 you have this mindset of you are responsible for your relationship with your kids, despite anything

00:20:40.780 that your ex is doing, make it your sole responsibility and ownership to ensure that you

00:20:47.760 stay and have an amazing relationship with your children. I wish that I could ask my two boys that

00:20:55.440 I was amazing and they would say, Oh yeah, dad, you were awesome. You're the best, um, part-time dad

00:21:02.880 ever. The reality of it is they wouldn't say that. I don't think, uh, I don't feel that way.

00:21:07.480 It's a huge area of my life that I feel like I should have, and could have done so much better

00:21:12.520 than I did. Um, learn from my mistake, be very intentional about your relationship with your

00:21:19.740 children, even if you have to be structured about it and plan it and all that kind of stuff,

00:21:23.560 because it's, it's going to be hard. And there's a really high probability that you're going to run

00:21:27.600 some story about how they don't love you. And she tells them toxic things and they,

00:21:32.320 they never call or when you do call, they never want to talk. It doesn't matter.

00:21:36.700 Structure time, call them anyway, force the conversation, let them know that you're there,

00:21:41.060 get creative with ways to connecting with your children. Um, now with that all said,

00:21:46.000 those all had to do with parenting and nothing about money. So, um, you know what? I think most

00:21:51.520 divorce decrees, um, are pretty standard, right? There's like literally calculators that say,

00:21:57.560 she makes this much. I make this much. Here's the difference of our salaries who has such and

00:22:02.800 such parent time and you're as a calculator. So, you know, maybe you could fight for that stuff,

00:22:08.100 but the way I see it is make sure you're not shirking your responsibility as a father and

00:22:13.600 worst case scenario, really, you're going to pay too much child support and it might better the

00:22:19.240 environment by which your kids are being raised. So be it. There's worse things in life. You know what I

00:22:23.580 mean to have to deal with. And those worst things are not being around your kids as much. So, um,

00:22:28.560 I don't have much advice around the money side, just fight for your kids and fight for your time

00:22:33.340 with them. Those are the key things I would take away from it. All right. Ryan Lester,

00:22:37.580 how do we continue to push for having the hard conversations that affect men in every growing,

00:22:44.640 uh, divisive political environment, particularly with family members?

00:22:48.180 So how do we push for having the hard conversations in a political,

00:22:54.980 diversive environment, particularly family members? So it kind of goes back to what we

00:22:59.760 talked about earlier, I think is, um, one, let go of the idea of changing people,

00:23:09.080 let go of the idea of making them wrong. I think half the problem, to be honest with you,

00:23:14.360 with our political climate is that everyone assumes that the other people are wrong.

00:23:21.020 And, and I use this, I quote a lot lately. I don't know why, but critical. Most people are too

00:23:28.740 lazy to critically think. So they judge, don't judge, critically think, right? Oh,

00:23:36.460 why do they see it this way? Why do they put, what's the political viewpoints? What are they looking

00:23:40.760 to resolve in their political viewpoint? Like literally be the person that's not joining the

00:23:46.020 conversation to be heard, join the conversation to listen. That's it. And then move on.

00:23:52.200 Understand people, be the example, someone that actually listens and understands, doesn't have

00:23:56.940 to agree, but listens and understands, be that kind of guy. And then from a tactical perspective,

00:24:02.020 I mentioned this earlier too, it's like, you know, if you, if you're trying to like help someone

00:24:06.500 see the light, if you want to use that term, we can do that through being an example by serving them.

00:24:13.600 And then, you know, and introducing ideas and, or invisivite those family members into your circles

00:24:19.160 that are already that way. So they can see a better way of being, if you want to use that term.

00:24:26.220 All right. Hopefully that helps Ryan. All right. Cody, Cody pop and choke how to request a raise

00:24:37.080 and promotion when your employer talks so much on how much they value your work and quantify evidence

00:24:43.380 of importance in the department. Since I've been in that role, how to negotiate your worth. Okay.

00:24:48.440 So first off, I think the best time to negotiate your worth

00:24:52.240 is, well, let me say it this way. The best time to be asking for a raise is not when you're trying

00:25:00.000 to negotiate your worth, right? So, so let me, let me set a plan. If you want to use that term of kind

00:25:07.420 of how I would approach this and, and hopefully this helps. So first I think you need to establish

00:25:15.620 and provide clarity of you as a team member, right? Employers don't want to, and I'm saying

00:25:23.760 this for myself, but I really do feel like this is the case for mostly everybody. I don't want to pay

00:25:28.700 an employee more because he wants more. I want to play an employee more because they're part of the

00:25:35.140 team. They're part of the system. Like they're about something. Like I want to know that they're in it

00:25:42.200 with the team, right? Not that they're just like, it's about the mighty dollar. I really don't. Like

00:25:48.320 in the grand scheme of things, if, if a team member is on board and they're committed to hard work and

00:25:53.160 they have the right values, the, the, the dollar manual is not as important. So make sure that that's

00:25:59.900 clear so much that you're expressing your desire for growth and opportunity and you're enrolling

00:26:05.840 them about what you're about. And so let me explain in role. They are inspired by what you are about.

00:26:15.960 This is my game plan. This is what I want to do. I would love this opportunity to be able to do this,

00:26:21.260 this, and this, and then I could grow in this way. And there's this way I can help the company and

00:26:25.040 like get them enrolled in how you show up as a team member. Then you set expectation

00:26:34.240 on what you are willing to do and the responsibilities you're willing to take on.

00:26:40.120 Then you invite them to align with those expectations, AKA where I'd like to be financially,

00:26:50.160 where I'd like to be on these things. And part of that conversation is for me to be at this level,

00:26:56.820 what would I need to do, right? Financially and like what, what I need to be

00:27:03.940 what would I need to do to get into like this position, this level of responsibility with this

00:27:08.760 type of salary and invite them to commit to that plan. Then you measure your results. Okay. This

00:27:19.740 is the plan. This is how I'm doing, whether it's monthly updates or whatever. I'm progressing in this

00:27:25.140 area. I got these things done. Like you make a plan and you work the plan. You measure those results.

00:27:31.440 You communicate often back to that employer and you constantly perform after action reviews

00:27:37.120 and include them in the after action reviews. This is where I'm at. Got this done, blah, blah, blah.

00:27:42.660 This is lessons learned. I learned this, this, this, these are the areas I need to show up on.

00:27:47.600 This is what I'm going to continue doing moving forward. Bam, update and constantly have a plan

00:27:53.160 for your growth. You do that. Then they're committed to the plan. And the raise is a result of

00:27:59.980 you working your plan. Okay. So quote of the day, plan your work, work your plan and enroll them in

00:28:07.820 the plan. So they're bought in and committed to what you're doing. Okay. All right. Next question.

00:28:15.000 Um, I'm going to skip that one for now. Maybe, maybe I'll come back to the one. All right. John, uh,

00:28:26.040 Gaucho bar, Gaucho bar. Sorry, John. How does a man deal with revenge against someone who has

00:28:33.820 slighted them? The balance between letting it go and not allowing someone to get away with it.

00:28:40.420 I have a trouble with this and wondered what your perspective is regards.

00:28:48.020 John, I don't know if you're a religious guy, but, but I think this principle kind of speaks to

00:28:54.240 itself, even though, uh, whether you are or not. And for you religious guys, maybe try this on a

00:28:59.240 little bit. I don't think John, that when all said and done and you return to your creator,

00:29:07.480 he pats you on the back because John, good job, man. You didn't let that guy get away with it.

00:29:18.660 However, I do think he does say something about you letting it go.

00:29:26.840 Society, our social constructs teach us, don't be a pushover. Don't let people take advantage of you.

00:29:34.460 Don't let him get away with it. Like as though it reflects on you as an individual

00:29:39.580 and you preventing someone from getting away with it. If you don't do that, then you're less of a man.

00:29:45.800 I would argue that you're more of a man for letting it go. Now, are you protecting your family?

00:29:56.260 You're putting yourself in harm's way. And you know, that's different, right? But assuming that

00:30:00.520 something happened, you were slighted and it's over with. Now you're talking about revenge

00:30:07.000 and passing judgment, the judgment on someone else.

00:30:15.260 And I think it shows more of a character for us if we're the strategy of letting it go.

00:30:22.120 Mostly because that might require a little bit more critical thinking,

00:30:26.620 a little bit of grace, a little bit of empathy, maybe understanding that this guy's coming from a

00:30:32.760 position that you don't understand. You know, maybe it was in a hard spot. Maybe there's more

00:30:38.020 of this story than you realize, whatever that is. Now you protect yourself, you establish boundaries.

00:30:44.020 Don't be taken advantage of, right? If it happens, but it's already over.

00:30:50.140 So part of me leans a little bit more in that space of letting it go.

00:30:54.060 And I think that's better for you. That's better for your soul. That's better for your thought

00:30:59.720 process. And in the end, I mean, our ability to give people grace, to believe that people can

00:31:08.540 evolve and grow and change and get back on a path when they've made mistakes is a very powerful way

00:31:15.380 of being. Um, and it, and it gives us that same benefit. There's my perspective. All right. Ben

00:31:23.840 Acosta, what are your thoughts about having a best friend? Not someone to go hunting with or working

00:31:29.660 out with someone specific just to be a friend. Sometimes people want to use hunting and working

00:31:34.460 out as an excuse, maybe have a cup of coffee and et cetera. I think most of us had a friend like that.

00:31:40.300 There is this idea that a guy can't call another buddy and just go out for a coffee and simply

00:31:45.300 say I need to talk. It seems as though some people need to justify this action with some kind of

00:31:50.020 activity or get together. I can tell you, I have, I have a best friend and it's, and it's something

00:31:56.120 I value tremendously. Something I just, I just say, I need to talk. Um, I agree, Ben. I, you know what?

00:32:04.000 And, and I don't, I mean, I think you're right. Maybe I think there's this little like a lone wolf

00:32:09.800 mentality that like, we don't talk about our feelings, you know, very, very typical male

00:32:16.280 mentality. Um, and a lot of it has to do with our ego. I think why our own willingness to actually

00:32:24.160 communicate with someone, but having guys in your life where you can say, Hey, I need to talk.

00:32:28.940 I need to talk with someone. I need some perspective is huge. And I, without a doubt,

00:32:33.920 I think you should be able to have that conversation, um, and have those kinds of

00:32:38.100 people in your life, um, that you can call on for that. So I totally agree, man. And, and that's

00:32:43.580 what I love about, um, the iron council for me. You know how many men I look up to

00:32:50.980 huge amount of men, most of the men that are all battle team, battle team leaders within the iron

00:32:58.360 council. I think there's like 26 of them or something. Most of those guys, I would be more

00:33:04.380 than willing to pick up the phone and go, I need to talk to someone without a doubt. And I know that

00:33:11.660 we're in line, like the feedback, the opinion, the conversation, the ideas I would get are

00:33:18.260 amazing. Um, I felt that way when I was on a battle team, I felt like I could ask my battle team,

00:33:25.280 those kinds of questions. So the importance of being around like-minded men that you respect

00:33:30.340 is so critical because you don't want to be asking anybody that question, right? I need to talk to

00:33:35.860 just anybody you're, you need it. You're going to want to talk to someone that you respect,

00:33:39.700 right? And maybe even someone based upon the thing that you want to talk about,

00:33:43.620 right? Because they have experience in that area or they've struggled in that area with,

00:33:48.240 you know, very similar to what you're struggling with, like whatever that is, right? So yeah,

00:33:53.120 I totally agree. I can't, I can't stress the importance of it. I think Ben, the, the misconception

00:33:58.240 maybe that you have sometimes is that, and even on this podcast, Ryan and I will talk about, it's

00:34:03.880 like, Hey, you know, go shooting with the guys or go to fight night or whatever. A lot of those times

00:34:07.940 we're talking about how to build that tribe, right? How to reach out to new guys, how to get to know new

00:34:12.680 guys or whatever. But I don't think we should be using those as an excuse to kind of try to

00:34:17.360 windle in a conversation, you know, hopefully if it works out, no, like I have multiple guys in my life.

00:34:22.840 I have done this numerous times of, I need to go for a walk, right? I have a neighbor and I just

00:34:28.460 called him up and say, Hey, do you have an hour? And he's like, yep. And we, I picked him up and we

00:34:34.080 went for a walk and we talked, right? And I feel like I could do that with Ryan. I could do that with

00:34:38.560 so many guys, especially the battle team mentors within the iron council, all those guys, I highly

00:34:43.440 respect. So yeah, I think we need to find those guys in our lives. All right. Austin Priest, I'm

00:34:49.340 struggling with the contribution quadrant of the battle planner. What are some examples of quality

00:34:55.260 goals for this? So Austin, let's see here. So guys, I don't know. So if you're like, uh, did that guy

00:35:04.080 just say battle planner? What's that all about? All right. So first sovereignty Ryan's book talks about

00:35:09.780 the battle planner and you can also buy a battle planner from store.orderofman.com. This is kind

00:35:16.120 of a handwritten note for you old guys that don't know how to use a computer. So the battle plan is

00:35:21.820 comprised of four quadrants. One of those quadrants of focus, I'm going to call them quadrants of focus

00:35:26.740 is contribution and, and Austin struggling with like, you know, what should my tactic be or my

00:35:36.300 objective under quadrant or what are some ideas? Right. So, um, and Joshua Hyman actually was like,

00:35:43.820 Hey, I'd love to hear this response as well. So contribution is at the root of the word,

00:35:48.520 right? Which is to give or supply something such as money and time as a part or a share,

00:35:54.220 right? To contribute. So often the default mentality of the contribution quadrant is like

00:36:01.460 contribution, like financially, right? So for me personally, my battle plan has been everything

00:36:07.640 from having an objective to increase savings by 20,000 or to reduce debt, right? Those are kind

00:36:16.380 of the typical contribution or, um, put yourself in a better position to contribute more. The other

00:36:23.480 things I would focus on is service. So here's an idea. Stephen Covey, um, seven habits of highly

00:36:31.000 affected people. Um, if I remember correctly, it's been a long time since I read that book,

00:36:35.520 but he talked about the value of establishing the roles that you play in life, right? So I have the

00:36:41.960 role of father, of husband, of son, of brother, of boss, of employer, um, as church leader, right? I have

00:36:53.740 all these roles I play. And so I think you could have, take those roles that you play in life and focus

00:37:00.780 on how you contribute in those roles. So spend one hour a day or 30 minutes a day, focusing on

00:37:09.920 contributing to those goals, making a phone call to your siblings, calling your parents, calling your

00:37:16.480 friends or whatever, right? Or it could be, I'm going to contribute a tithe or donations or my time

00:37:23.660 to a community service or whatever, like focus on how you are contributing to other individuals

00:37:29.940 such as your family community, um, or, or those that are needy. That's kind of the best. Now you

00:37:37.520 could see where there's some overlap, right? Where you could say, well, Kip, you know, isn't that

00:37:40.760 relationships and connection? And yes, it could kind of be in there too. So it's kind of what your focus

00:37:46.660 is, but really focus on the root word to, to give and supply time and, and or money, right? To a cause

00:37:54.180 for someone else. So focus on how you contribute. Okay. And, and I really think like, if you're

00:38:00.360 volunteering, that is what I would put as contribute, right? If you're coaching or something

00:38:07.160 like that, right? Okay. Uh, lost my plot. Okay. Here we go. Oh, Howard Stevens. Good question,

00:38:18.300 Howard. The role of stoicism in a man's life. This is actually one major area that I contribute to

00:38:30.500 Ryan, the order of man and the iron council. And this podcast is my exposure to stoicism. Um,

00:38:38.480 and what an amazing thing that was absent from my life, uh, before I started listening to this

00:38:49.020 podcast. Um, stoicism is amazing. And so I would highly encourage anybody listening. If you are not

00:38:59.120 researching and studying stoic philosophy, you need to. Um, and I'm going to give you a couple resources

00:39:07.280 for you guys to consider, and then I'll answer, uh, Howard's question here. So, um, so I would

00:39:14.780 suggest Ryan holiday's books. Um, Ryan has interviewed Ryan holiday a few times on the podcast. I'd go to

00:39:21.500 previous episodes, look for those. Um, then I would look for the practicing stoic by Ward Farnsworth.

00:39:31.640 Another book I would read and suggest reading is, uh, I have it right here. Sorry. The guide to the

00:39:41.020 good life by William B. Uh, art Arvine Irving. Super good book. Um, yeah, check those out. Ego is the

00:39:52.200 enemy. Um, or I can't remember all wrong. The daily stoic is another great book. So stoicism is critical.

00:40:00.420 And, and I don't think it's a role of stoicism in man's life. It should be like stoicism is life,

00:40:06.600 right? Stoic philosophies were rooted in the concept. I mean, there were man's first universities

00:40:13.820 were around stoicism and it was around how to live a good life. It wasn't about like how to get a skill

00:40:22.000 and make money. Original universities was how to die. Well, how to live a life worth living.

00:40:32.320 So it's, it should play a huge role in our lives. And as a teaser, cause I'm all like pro stoicism.

00:40:41.440 Let me share some 10 essential principles of the practicing stoic. So focus on what you control.

00:40:51.580 The single most important practice in stoic philosophy is clarifying in the difference

00:40:56.800 between what we can change and what we can't and what we have influence over and what we do not.

00:41:02.500 and then letting that drive our action, right? Taking action based upon that. How many people do

00:41:10.140 we have in our lives that are focused on things outside of their control that they cannot change

00:41:15.240 and it affects them in a negative way. Meanwhile, the things within their control get overlooked.

00:41:21.800 So, so, so, so important, right? Be virtuous, good character, super being, you know, super important

00:41:29.880 for a stoic leading by example, being a, uh, uh, uh, oh my gosh, uh, a lighthouse, not a tugboat.

00:41:40.520 Diminishing your ego, realizing your ego can get in the play, right? Understanding that internal dialogue,

00:41:46.200 right? The idea that you're not entitled to anything, exercising your will, practicing

00:41:54.280 resilience when faced with obstacles and failures and tragedies, right? And then owning your response

00:42:01.120 to all things that ultimately you are in control, how you respond to things. Things may be acted upon

00:42:10.080 you, but you are still in control of how you determine, um, how you react and how it affects

00:42:16.960 you. That is still within your control, right? Man, stoicism. I love it. We could do just a whole

00:42:23.060 ep on stoicism. So yeah, Howard, super important, man. Um, I, I'm glad that you brought it up because

00:42:28.980 I think it's important. All right. Ryan Shaw. Kip, I have recently hit rock bottom with depression

00:42:35.340 and anxiety. What strategies can I use to help pick myself up? So you can understand what happened.

00:42:41.520 I'm having trouble communicating with my ex about our three-year-old daughter and our views of raising

00:42:46.700 her completely opposite. It also appears she is filling my daughter's mind with toxic rubbish and

00:42:54.340 also having trouble seeing my daughter. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I also understand this

00:42:59.760 is very common thing that occurs with ex parents. So rock bottom depression, anxiety strategies that can

00:43:15.780 help me get out of it. Right? So I would focus Ryan on why, when what's the internal dialogue around

00:43:26.740 you being depressed and having anxiety, that's what needs to be dealt with first. Otherwise it's all

00:43:34.300 superficial. Let me see if I can explain. So based upon the circumstance below, I'm unable to see my

00:43:43.340 daughter as much, me and my ex are fighting all the time. Life isn't going the way it should go.

00:43:50.040 Thus I now feel depression. Now that's not true, right? We just talked about some of the stoic

00:43:59.400 philosophies and the reality of it is, is you feel depressed and you're having anxiety because of

00:44:05.760 the meaning that you're making based upon the circumstance. For whatever reason you're internalizing

00:44:12.720 this, right? You've had some expectation that life was supposed to go a certain way. You have

00:44:18.820 expectation on the ex-wife that she should communicate with your daughter this way. You

00:44:22.920 obviously had some expectation that you should see your three-year-old daughter more often than you

00:44:27.100 currently are. You have all this expectation and none of it's being met. And then you're making it

00:44:33.160 wrong. And there's a little bit of internal dialogue around what that means about who you are as a man.

00:44:38.820 I think that there's huge power in you realizing that that's not true, whatever that dialogue is

00:44:48.740 and getting very clear of reality versus your interpretation of reality. The best way I can

00:44:56.560 explain this is like, I've heard it as like rose colored glasses, right? We, we, or sunglasses,

00:45:01.740 we have sunglasses on, right? And everything looks like orange-ish and it looks good. And all of a sudden

00:45:05.560 you take the sunglasses off, you're like, whoa, man, I, I see this drastically different. This

00:45:09.940 is no different. You have some glasses on and those glasses have their own viewpoint of the world.

00:45:15.760 That doesn't mean that's true. So get present to the dialogue and what you're telling yourself,

00:45:22.980 first of all, otherwise you wouldn't feel depressed.

00:45:28.240 Then, and then once you're clear on that, of what that is, and by the way, but I'm going to be

00:45:33.720 really clear that doesn't go away. People think like that goes away. It doesn't go away,

00:45:38.820 but you catch yourself and you're like, Oh, hold on. You know, I'm running my mouth and having some

00:45:45.840 negative internal dialogue about whatever. That's not true. Right. And, and bring yourself present

00:45:51.220 back to reality and realize that life isn't going as you had planned, man. And it sucks, but,

00:45:59.400 but that's how life works, right? Our expectations will constantly be disrupted.

00:46:05.980 Our spouses seldom ever are the people that we wish they would be. Our children often grow to be just

00:46:13.520 generic adults. Our jobs are often mundane and sometimes boring, but it's about who you are being

00:46:24.340 in life. It's about who you show up as that defines you as a man, not your circumstance.

00:46:34.140 And so find purpose and meaning in who you are in spite of your circumstance.

00:46:41.160 That will give you guidance. That will give you the direction necessary. Now I'm not saying you just

00:46:46.060 sit back and go, I'm just going to have a great perspective and not take any action. I'm not saying

00:46:49.800 that. Get clear on that first and then take action and do the necessary things. Do your best

00:46:56.360 and find joy and fulfillment in doing your best, regardless of how these things turned out. Because

00:47:02.960 here's the reality. You're not changing the X.

00:47:09.740 So deal with the circumstance a different way. Circumstances don't define you,

00:47:16.020 but who you are and who you choose to be in spite of those circumstances. That defines you.

00:47:28.200 All right. Peter Shambrick. Hey there, Mr. Sorenson. I love the work that you and Ryan do. I'm 17. I'm in

00:47:34.220 a small town in the Midwest. There's so much negative and bad things going around this world. It can be

00:47:40.520 overwhelming at times. Today, I just ask, what would you tell your 17-year-old Kip?

00:47:46.020 Especially in a day and age like 2020. I appreciate your time, Mr. Sorenson. Keep up the good work.

00:47:51.680 So first off, I'm probably not the equivalent of a today's 17-year-old. When I was 17,

00:48:00.820 just tell me, Pete, you're in a way better place than probably I was at your age.

00:48:07.660 Um, and I think what I needed to hear wouldn't really be applicable to anything that other people

00:48:14.820 needed to hear. And, and if you don't mind me saying this, and I don't say this from a hottie

00:48:18.780 perspective, and Ryan has said this in the past, and I totally agree with this concept. If you don't

00:48:23.880 mind me just putting this out here, I wouldn't change anything

00:48:29.360 around when I was 17 years old and wish something different. And I really don't. And the reason why,

00:48:39.680 because I love who I am right now. I'm actually really happy with the person I've become.

00:48:48.940 I'm happy with my life. I'm happy with the opportunities that have been placed before me.

00:48:53.980 I'm happy that, that Ryan even trusts me to run my mouth on a podcast on Wednesdays,

00:48:59.460 sometimes when he's not around, like I am really grateful. And, and, and thus I don't regret anything.

00:49:07.080 And so just as a thought, like for a lot of us, that's how we live a life with no regret

00:49:13.540 is by being the best versions of ourselves today. By you being the best version of yourself,

00:49:20.260 you can't help, but be grateful for the tough circumstances of your past. You can't help,

00:49:26.460 but be grateful for the way things were because it made you who you are today.

00:49:31.320 So that is how you ensure that you don't have regret in life.

00:49:35.540 Now with that said, what would I say to my 17 year old sales? Here's some ideas. So first I would

00:49:42.680 say the same thing I just said to the previous question. Circumstances don't define you who you

00:49:48.020 choose to be does despite of those circumstances. The other thought I'd say, stop making things wrong

00:49:54.880 and find opportunity and growth in all things. When something comes, we have a tendency, right?

00:49:59.820 Doesn't meet our expectations. Um, it shouldn't be this way. It's wrong. It should have been this way,

00:50:04.280 whatever. Let go of that and just look at it as an opportunity to grow, to have to learn something

00:50:09.440 else and, and, and live on. Uh, Viktor Frankl, um, prison camp survival, World War II survivor in

00:50:20.580 World War II said, and I can't remember the exact quote. I'm going to butcher it. Dang it is when a man

00:50:26.800 is no longer capable of changing his circumstance, he is forced to change himself. Awesome, right? Let's

00:50:37.280 look for those areas to change ourselves. Uh, other thoughts, I'd say take risk, be unreasonable with

00:50:42.920 yourself a little bit. Don't take it, um, so easy. Um, and then really get present to ownership

00:50:51.660 over your life. And what does it mean to be, to have sovereignty? I would be like, that is so,

00:50:59.660 so important. And that's the opposite of what you're taught. That's the opposite of what society

00:51:05.740 teaches you today. So I could see that being so, so critical ownership. It's no one's fault.

00:51:12.820 It, you are to blame. If you don't like anything about your life, you change it. Don't point the

00:51:18.480 finger. You find the way you grow in spite of your circumstance. You find fulfillment in spite of

00:51:25.820 your circumstance and you change, you change. Don't rely on anyone else for that.

00:51:34.720 All right. Chris Williams, how to let go of politics on the big screen. So our brotherhood

00:51:40.960 can understand it is not an answer and mostly adult finger pointing. So we can better focus on ourselves

00:51:47.580 on what we can control more closely, such as community involvement and relationships,

00:51:52.700 family, friends, your choice of thanking your maker and volunteerism wins my vote.

00:52:00.200 No matter who is elected president. Oh yeah. So yeah, that that's, I, I don't know what the

00:52:06.920 question is, but how to let go of politics on big screen. Chris, I think we, by having this

00:52:11.840 conversation, I think that's how we let go of politics, right? And we help people understand

00:52:17.180 that they need to focus on what's within their control, you know, promoting stoicism,

00:52:24.300 listening to this podcast, sharing this message, reading sovereignty, reading extreme ownership

00:52:29.540 by Jocko, like improving ourselves and owning our circumstances, whether they be at work or

00:52:36.260 at home or any other situation and realize that we are in control in regards to how we react

00:52:43.640 to circumstances and ultimately what we think. And even our happiness, we're in control of that.

00:52:48.520 No one's in control of that, but us. Um, and, and at the root of that is, is our gratitude. Um,

00:52:55.020 a great quote that I was about to read on here that I, I really liked a friend shared on Facebook or on

00:53:00.820 Instagram. And I was like, Oh, that's awesome. So it's no matter who is elected president,

00:53:05.120 don't worry too much. Most of the problems in your life will still be your own fault.

00:53:11.220 And I think that's the truth. And I don't think it's privilege. I don't think it's any of that BS.

00:53:16.340 I think it's actually like how you live life and how you're fulfilled is still up to you.

00:53:21.200 And, and when you have a hard time struggling with that and you're like, no way, Kip,

00:53:24.500 you're wrong, then go ahead and read man's search for meaning. And you tell Viktor Frankl,

00:53:30.200 a prison camp survivor from world war two, if, if, if he was wrong for actually finding

00:53:36.480 fulfillment and direction in his life. And then we can talk.

00:53:44.640 Have a little bit of an opinion today. All right. Uh, what else? Okay. Sorry guys. Let me find one

00:53:51.840 more question. So, um, Cody. All right. Cody pop and choke. You have two questions, Cody.

00:54:00.940 No more, man. One question from now on, or you kicked out of the group.

00:54:05.800 It's joke. All right. How to have the conversation with your retired parents

00:54:10.000 that they are dropping the ball on involvement with their grandchildren and you, my parents are

00:54:14.960 distant, both physically and communication and emotionally. When I try to bring it up and express

00:54:20.500 my concerns, they push back, they get defensive. They avoid the conversation. It's pretty superficial

00:54:25.640 and small talk. I'm just disappointed. I know what it looks like from a grandparents' point of view,

00:54:31.840 blah, blah, blah. And Cody, I'm, I'm, I'm saying this with all due respect. Story, story, story,

00:54:38.500 story. I don't even have to read the rest. Now I did. So I'm, I'm, but it doesn't matter.

00:54:45.100 And that's, that's the point I'm trying to make. You, we are machines regarding creating meaning

00:55:01.580 around everything. We do it all the time, right? Whether it's our expectations, right? Uh, John

00:55:08.860 Gary Bishop talks about this in his book, but it's like, you know, when, when we expected something,

00:55:14.720 it doesn't happen. We get angry. Why? Because it shouldn't have happened. Kip, it shouldn't have

00:55:19.760 happened. It's wrong. It should have done this way. And we are so damn tied to the way it should

00:55:26.520 have been in our mind that we stopped dealing in reality. And we are so holding on to the expectations

00:55:34.100 and the meaning that we put around things that it almost cripples us in regards to action and how

00:55:40.840 to deal with the circumstance. So Cody, I would ask you, what are you going to do? Change your parents?

00:55:49.660 I said this earlier, you can't change people.

00:55:54.180 They need to change. And here's the beautiful part.

00:55:58.820 That's by design. Imagine if we could change someone, what would happen?

00:56:04.100 They didn't come to that conclusion on their own.

00:56:10.340 It's going to be short lived. Oh, I'm going to change. Why? Because Cody keeps harassing me

00:56:16.900 because I think I have to be this way for Cody to love me.

00:56:23.080 Really? Is that what we want to do to the people in our lives? Have them be the way we want them to be

00:56:30.540 and then have them do it because in fear that you'll withhold love and affection from them?

00:56:40.700 Because I'll tell you right now, someone criticizing me doesn't feel like I'm being accepted for who I am.

00:56:47.380 People need to come to their own conclusion on their own.

00:56:53.940 Their change has to be their decision for it to be lasting.

00:56:59.400 Otherwise, all it is is manipulation and us kind of quasi yanking people's freedom from them

00:57:06.360 and coercing them into being something that they didn't decide to be on their own.

00:57:14.780 Cody, I would get present on the fact is that you can't change anybody

00:57:20.460 and that there is more power in you having empathy

00:57:25.960 and understanding and acceptance.

00:57:32.640 Now, I want to be really clear.

00:57:34.640 Acceptance versus agreement, I think is different,

00:57:39.800 or at least I'm making that distinction that those are different things.

00:57:44.640 Accepting that you can't control them,

00:57:46.280 accepting that they're going to do X, Y, D doesn't mean that I have to agree with them doing these things.

00:57:50.840 That's fine, but there's far more power in your empathy and unconditional love

00:57:57.220 that you choose to love them regardless,

00:58:00.780 regardless of you agreeing with them

00:58:03.360 and that your quest isn't for them to be different.

00:58:10.640 Now, does that change the circumstance?

00:58:13.580 Maybe it doesn't, but it certainly gets it better in your head.

00:58:17.440 Acceptance is certainly puts you in a position where you can handle it differently.

00:58:21.860 You can address it differently.

00:58:23.600 You don't have contention about, you know,

00:58:26.600 well, the way it should be or the way it's not being

00:58:29.040 and how they're wrong and you're right and all that on the contention around it.

00:58:33.360 And to be honest with you, maybe, I don't know.

00:58:35.840 I mean, Cody, we don't even know each other,

00:58:38.120 but maybe there's pushback.

00:58:41.020 Why?

00:58:41.380 Because they're tired.

00:58:42.200 Maybe they're tired of feeling that you or no one will accept them the way they are

00:58:49.240 and that they're required to change to be appreciated.

00:58:54.060 Maybe that's why they push back.

00:58:57.080 This is one of those things that we talked about earlier.

00:58:59.240 Like, I really think the conversation is what's in your control.

00:59:04.240 And what we think we can manipulate is not in the category of our control.

00:59:08.120 What's in our control is handling that circumstance the best you know how.

00:59:14.960 That despite them not doing what you feel is what's best for the family,

00:59:19.080 that you are doing what's best for your family.

00:59:22.220 That you're reaching out to them.

00:59:24.380 That you're letting them know how much you care and you appreciate them.

00:59:28.660 Without the preconceived or the covert contract that they should also reach out

00:59:35.160 and they should also be doing these things if I do those things.

00:59:37.440 Let go of all that.

00:59:40.540 And find joy and fulfillment and purpose in how you show up.

00:59:46.320 And let them be.

00:59:48.980 And through our example, possibly, maybe,

00:59:52.380 we can help people see a better way of being.

00:59:57.640 And so we make that opportunity possible for them to see for themselves.

01:00:05.420 But they have to find that for themselves.

01:00:08.300 They have to see what's possible for themselves.

01:00:11.140 And the best way for you to create that is through your example,

01:00:15.260 through your empathy, through your caring, through your affection,

01:00:17.560 through your love,

01:00:18.180 and serving them in spite of your disagreement with them.

01:00:26.960 Let's wrap up with that.

01:00:28.200 Thank you guys for submitting your questions on the Facebook group.

01:00:36.920 I really appreciate it.

01:00:37.940 Hopefully that was, I don't know.

01:00:39.640 Hopefully I generated some thoughts, right?

01:00:42.360 So, and at least some, maybe some internal dialogue for us to consider in our lives.

01:00:47.360 You know, it's cliche-ish at this point that Ryan and I always say this,

01:00:50.900 but like I get so much out of this conversation,

01:00:53.600 probably more than you guys do.

01:00:55.680 Because I'm forced to have a response.

01:00:57.820 And it really centers me in regards to how I should be showing up in life.

01:01:03.440 Um, every question I answered and a response I gave had a sliver of what I need to be doing as well.

01:01:11.340 Um, so thank you for the conversation.

01:01:13.960 Thank you for the dialogue.

01:01:17.380 And it was a little cheesy, but I, I, I thought about it today on earlier today on how grateful I am

01:01:24.880 for this opportunity, um, to be, um, doing the AMAs with Ryan.

01:01:30.040 Um, you know, I, I, I poke fun a little bit and I bitch and moan about how people,

01:01:36.220 you know, run their mouths about how everything's wrong, but they're not doing anything about making

01:01:41.380 things better.

01:01:42.680 Um, and I hold like fully am aware that what I have in my life that gives that to me was made possible

01:01:55.140 through Ryan was made possible through the order man podcast was made possible through the iron

01:02:00.680 council.

01:02:01.780 And, um, and that's my fulfillment.

01:02:04.800 Um, and I love this opportunity to do my part in, in the little way that I can, um, to share a message,

01:02:14.480 to share a movement, to share the importance of, of these things, these principles that we hold so

01:02:19.900 dear that we think are at the root of not just better families, but better societies.

01:02:25.240 And, um, and I know that wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for Ryan.

01:02:28.400 So I, I greatly appreciate him, um, allowing me to participate and get on this train.

01:02:36.960 You can also join us and you join this movement.

01:02:40.760 You join the order of man, um, by subscribing to the podcast, by hopping on YouTube, by saving

01:02:48.280 that YouTube link, sending it to someone else, by sharing Instagram feeds, by sharing the message.

01:02:54.540 I don't know about you guys, but if you're listening to this, this is a message that needs

01:02:58.460 to be heard, right?

01:03:00.900 Everything I shared today is about what?

01:03:03.100 Not being a victim, taking responsibility and ownership for our lives.

01:03:07.080 If anything, I don't know about you guys, but if anything is needed in this world, it's

01:03:11.740 that it's people believing in themselves so much that they can take ownership and, and

01:03:21.640 having the group, the, the social group, the construct, the society, the brotherhood around

01:03:27.720 them to support one another, to be able to like the question earlier, to be able to call

01:03:33.040 a guy and say, you know what?

01:03:34.060 I need to talk to someone and there's not enough of that.

01:03:39.140 So share this message, subscribe, join us on Facebook, facebook.com slash group slash order

01:03:45.520 man, look in the iron council if you guys are interested, but only if you're interested

01:03:49.940 because guess what?

01:03:51.040 We don't want you if you're not, and you're not going to last because the iron council is

01:03:59.800 not like society, we don't pander to guys that aren't doing anything that aren't about

01:04:06.480 anything.

01:04:07.480 So if you're ready to get out of the bleachers and actually get on the court and start playing

01:04:14.100 the game, then join us order of man.com slash iron council, follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram

01:04:22.380 and Twitter at Ryan Mickler.

01:04:24.960 You can connect with me on Instagram at Kip Sorensen and support the order, man.

01:04:30.480 That's the best way.

01:04:31.320 That's the highest compliment that we can get from you guys.

01:04:33.580 And let's have this conversation.

01:04:35.140 Let's continue this conversation online.

01:04:36.940 And until then, take action and become the man that you were meant to be.

01:04:43.540 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:04:46.420 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:04:50.400 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:04:53.560 You're ready to join the order of man.

01:04:55.100 It's really important.

01:04:58.380 We'll be right back to you guys.

01:05:06.460 Bye.

01:05:07.060 Bye.

01:05:13.020 Bye.

01:05:13.400 Bye.

01:05:18.800 Bye.

Order of Man - November 11, 2020

Requesting a Promotion, Dealing with Revenge, and Helping people change ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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