Order of Man - Restarting After Stumbling, Not my Responsibility, and What to Do When Your Wife Makes More ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.860 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.140 You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:16.600 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.160 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up man? So great to see you today. Glad we could do another

00:00:26.880 ask me anything. Always. Always. I always feel like I'm saying the same thing, right? It's always a

00:00:32.240 pleasure. We do too. I was thinking the same thing. I was like, I just said it like that. You've asked

00:00:35.640 me how my weekend was. We've got to come up with a new intro, get exciting for these people. You

00:00:41.160 know, weekend was good. Everything's good. I think we ought to just jump into questions today and just

00:00:44.960 start getting after it for these guys. I love it. I love it. All right. We're going to fill some

00:00:49.620 questions from two primary sources from the Iron Council, and then we snack some questions from

00:00:54.760 our Facebook group. If you haven't joined us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash order,

00:00:58.900 man. Chris Davis, at our team meeting this morning, I noticed that some of the guys have had

00:01:04.800 off weeks. Please talk about what you do to help get back on track. Thanks.

00:01:11.280 Well, I think the first thing is just recognizing the reality of the situation. And that reality,

00:01:15.840 as difficult as it is for me to swallow, is that not everything's going to be perfect all the time.

00:01:20.240 I mean, that's hard for a high achiever. And so what ends up happening for somebody who's

00:01:24.160 hard charging and wants to get a hundred percent all the time is that they end up getting discouraged

00:01:28.780 if they don't. And if you're anything like me, it's an all or nothing mentality. So I'm either

00:01:34.320 a hundred percent or I'm zero percent. And if I get 97%, I hate that looks like a blemish rather than

00:01:41.420 I got 97% of the things right. It looks like a blemish on my report card. And so I'd rather just burn

00:01:47.400 the whole thing to the ground. And I think a lot of guys feel the same way. You know, you miss a workout

00:01:52.720 or two, or you go on vacation and you don't get back to it, which is something I'm dealing with

00:01:56.540 right now, trying to get back into the swing of things. It's, it's hard when you stumble.

00:02:03.520 It's hard to get back up. So I think accepting the reality that, yeah, you're not going to get

00:02:08.960 a hundred percent of the time. We should strive for a hundred percent, but it's just not going to

00:02:12.600 happen. Uh, from there, just recommit to the process, you know, and if you have to start small

00:02:17.020 momentum is a big factor, I know that going to the gym, for example, is easier when I went to

00:02:22.680 the gym yesterday. And it's easier today. If I went for the last five days in a row, you know,

00:02:27.800 when it's hard, when I haven't gone for two or three or four weeks, that first one back is the

00:02:32.800 hardest thing to do. Same thing with jujitsu, same thing with eating correctly, same thing with

00:02:37.520 managing your bank account, same thing with getting back from vacation and starting your business back

00:02:42.360 up after being gone for a week and a half or two weeks. The first restart is the hardest. And we

00:02:48.980 talked about running a race on a track last week. When are you the least efficient on the racetrack

00:02:55.780 coming out of the starting block? You've got a bunch of stored energy and you're trying to

00:03:02.120 position yourself in the starting block the correct way. So that when that gun fires, it's not quite

00:03:06.780 there yet. Yeah. Yeah. You're working against everything at that point. You're working against

00:03:11.720 friction. You're working against gravity. You're working against, like you said, the stride and

00:03:16.220 the mechanics of the proper running form. Where it's most efficient is probably somewhere in the

00:03:23.100 middle of the race. And this is anecdotal. I'm not saying I have evidence to support this, but

00:03:28.060 anecdotally, I would say the middle of the race. We know why the start of the race is not as efficient

00:03:32.740 as it could be. The middle of the race is when you're on pace. You found your pace. You're not

00:03:38.140 redlining at that point, unless it's a short race, I suppose. And that's a different conversation,

00:03:42.680 but you're not redlining. You've got your stride. You're, you're, you're, you're running and using

00:03:47.940 the proper mechanics. You're not exhausted yet. The end of the race, you know, it's crunch time.

00:03:53.260 It's like, okay, I've got a red line here. I'm exhausted already. I see the finish line and I'm

00:03:58.680 going to sprint this last, whatever distance it is. But that middle of the race is where you're most

00:04:03.620 efficient. And when you stop and get derailed, you're not in the middle of the race anymore.

00:04:07.360 It's like you fell and you've got to get back up and start against all that's working against you.

00:04:13.060 So if we acknowledge it for what it is and realize this is inefficient at this point,

00:04:16.680 but then focus on building up the momentum to get to that efficiency, I think that will help easier.

00:04:21.600 And this is a long way to answer this question. Sometimes it's just starting right there.

00:04:27.520 What does Teddy Roosevelt says? Start with what you have, where you are,

00:04:31.460 however you can do. I'm paraphrasing that from.

00:04:33.620 But that's what you do. If it means today getting up and you're like, man, I can't go to the gym,

00:04:38.500 but you know what? I can't do a hundred pushups by my bed. Then do the hundred pushups this morning.

00:04:42.860 It's like, I can't get to the gym. I'm lazy. I'm tired. Okay. Maybe you ought to just eat right.

00:04:46.960 Or maybe you ought to just worry about your water intake today and get that right. And then tomorrow

00:04:51.960 you can build on that. Tomorrow you can build on that. The next day you can build on that.

00:04:55.100 The only other thing, and I think we'd beat a dead horse and we talk a lot about this,

00:04:58.180 but it's worth mentioning is getting back to the importance of why you're doing what you're doing.

00:05:01.940 I don't want to come across as trite. I don't want to come across as just say,

00:05:06.020 Oh, start with why? Cause that's what everybody says. Yeah. But let's be honest. If you're deeply

00:05:10.320 connected to whatever the purpose of you doing that action is, then that will help you get through

00:05:17.080 the challenging and difficult times that you're inevitably going to face when you're,

00:05:22.000 when you're on your pursuit. And so true. Well, and I think where most guys fails is exactly in

00:05:28.280 that space of like, Oh, I messed up today. And, and don't get me wrong. Like there's some power in

00:05:34.200 a new day. And it's actually quite fascinating. I I've always thought that was interesting that as

00:05:39.060 humans, and maybe it's by God's design or whatever it is, but there is a sense of renewal that comes with

00:05:46.080 tomorrow. And, and why? Because I slept like, but for whatever reason there is, and, and that's

00:05:52.660 refreshing for us. And, and maybe we should take advantage of it. But I would even say that, like,

00:05:58.140 if you can break that down even further, do that, right? If you mess up at breakfast and you're like,

00:06:03.500 man, I ate a bad breakfast, recommit right then to go, you know what? Rest of the day I'm, I'm eating,

00:06:09.820 I'm eating better. Or I missed my workout this morning. Oh, you know what? I'm going to try to get

00:06:13.980 out of the office early. I'm going to get a workout in at lunch or at, you know, before dinner, like

00:06:19.100 don't give up even in the day, just because we make a mistake. Yeah. Recommit and try to get back

00:06:26.360 on path. The sooner, the better. Don't wait for Monday. Worst case start tomorrow. But I would even

00:06:33.900 argue there's not even a reason to wait until tomorrow. I think that's valuable advice. And maybe

00:06:40.100 it's just manufacturing something like in your own mind, you think I've never really considered

00:06:44.100 this, but as you bringing it up, maybe every hour is a new hour. And that instead of this is the start

00:06:50.260 of the new day, this is the start of a new hour. I had a baseball coach, Matt Labrum. He's still a

00:06:53.860 good friend of mine. He's over a couple of weeks ago here at my place. And he would say, you're only

00:06:59.620 as good as your last at bat. Yeah. And what we would, what we tend to do a couple of things we tend

00:07:05.680 to do one. We tend to rest on our laurels because we had a good at bat previously. And then if you

00:07:11.900 do that, then you're going to break down in the mechanics of your swing and you're going to have

00:07:14.560 a bad at bat. Or alternatively, you're going to have a bad at bat and think that you're a pile of

00:07:19.520 shit when you're not. And you're going to use that to self-destruct and have another bad at bat.

00:07:24.400 So you're only as good as your last at bat means take your last at bat, do whatever you can do to

00:07:29.720 make that a success. And then at that point you have to chalk it up, not the lessons, but you have to

00:07:34.480 chalk up the results. Like, Hey, I struck out. Yeah. You know, I think about that in regards to

00:07:40.980 my, my marriage. It's harder because we're talking about life altering situations here.

00:07:45.840 But the reality is, is I can just chalk that up at this point. That's not to say that I'm taking it

00:07:49.740 lightly. It's not to say that I'm not trying to extract lessons that go into the rest of my life.

00:07:55.600 But yeah, I messed those things up. I got to chalk that up. And now I got to drive on because I'm only

00:07:59.960 as good as my last at bat, or I'm only as bad as my last at bat. And now today is something

00:08:04.420 new and I can make something new in my life. Yeah. I really liked that manufactured idea.

00:08:09.420 I really liked that a lot. Like I can't relate to baseball too much, but like in high school,

00:08:13.980 I played tennis and that actually was my mindset. Hold on. Hold on.

00:08:20.380 I'm reaching out to the other, the other group of guys that, uh, that didn't play baseball,

00:08:25.140 that weren't athletic enough to play baseball. Tennis is great. They don't watch or listen to the

00:08:29.760 order of man podcast. They're looking for the order of woman podcast. Yeah. There's no guys 0.99

00:08:34.720 listening to play tennis. Help me out here guys. You know what? Flood, flood Ryan's DMs and criticize

00:08:39.960 him for, uh, criticizing. Bring it on, bring it on. Like I'm not even, I'm not even worried in the,

00:08:45.420 in the slightest. Can I try to use my analogy here though? I mean, it might be a chance here.

00:08:52.360 So in a match, you have multiple games and that's how I always saw it. Right. It's like,

00:08:59.380 if I lost that game 40 to love or 40 to 15 or whatever, it's like, all right, nothing I can do

00:09:05.980 about it. This next game's mine. And, you know, and it was just the same equivalent. It's just a

00:09:12.260 manufactured way to reset and recommit and show up differently, you know, literally 15 minutes later,

00:09:19.640 you know, and it's like, we need to manufacture that in our lives. I like that idea of just,

00:09:24.420 it's a new hour. Let's just be clear. The baseball analogy was a lot better proceed. Yeah. Yeah.

00:09:31.500 All right. Patrick Cajon, how about dealing with the loss of a pet? I've almost felt heartless telling

00:09:37.880 them to put him down after a brief illness, but he was not doing well. I now have to tell the rest of

00:09:43.620 the family. It was my daughter's cat. She wanted when she was eight and she's now 20 and has been

00:09:49.460 my shadow since I work out of my house a lot. I know this is not going to be easy on her and I

00:09:54.840 want to shield her grief, but I want her to experience life and death. Okay. So I'm going

00:10:00.480 to talk about the pet thing in a minute, but I'm going to talk about the underlying principle of

00:10:04.780 leadership here first. One thing that's going to happen if you make decisions this way, and again,

00:10:10.260 whether it's pet related or anything else related is that you're not going to have buy-in from the

00:10:14.580 people that you're trying to lead and you become the villain because you made a decision that they

00:10:20.000 may or may not have agreed with. And they're not going to buy into that decision. They're going to

00:10:24.300 have to deal with the repercussions with no say or involvement in the process. Right. And then you

00:10:29.640 look like the dick. So she's 20 years old. I hope barring some other circumstances I'm not aware of,

00:10:38.920 she's fully capable of compliment, comprehending what's happening here. So you need to talk with

00:10:45.600 her, not to her. There's a distinction. You need to talk to her as you talking to her or at her

00:10:52.160 with her as open dialogue and conversation. Hey, hon, you know, little, little fur baller here, 1.00

00:10:58.900 whatever, you know, we've had for 12 years and she's been a great cat. She's been a great member

00:11:04.800 of the family, but she's not doing well. I think, you know, that here's a couple options, but I really

00:11:12.500 care about your input. So what do you think we should do here? I would think that she's probably

00:11:18.720 going to come up with the same conclusion that you are, but let her make that decision. Now,

00:11:24.060 the only reason you wouldn't do that is because, you know, it'll be hard for her. Yeah. Well, welcome

00:11:29.640 to life. You know, we all have to make difficult decisions. If it wasn't, it would be weird,

00:11:34.740 but we all have to make difficult decisions, uh, and sparing our people in this case, your daughter

00:11:41.740 from making a difficult decision and shielding her from that is not doing her any service.

00:11:47.960 So talk with her, explain the situation, let her present the idea, which I'm pretty sure that's

00:11:55.460 will happen. And, and then, you know, you can figure out the best way to go from it,

00:12:00.360 from there. As far as, man, as far as losing a pet, this sucks. I mean, we left, we, we lost,

00:12:07.140 uh, several years ago, the best dog I ever had Sarge and what an incredible dog, incredible dog.

00:12:13.560 You met Sarge. And you know, one, one day, uh, he was acting very strange, almost walking around the

00:12:21.980 house. Like he was stumbling, like he was drunk almost. And then we all went to bed and usually

00:12:27.360 Sarge would jump up in my oldest son's bed and he jumped up in the bed. And then my oldest son came

00:12:33.380 in somewhere in the night and said, Hey, you know, he's not like something's wrong. I'm sorry. He's

00:12:37.420 not moving. Or he's, I told him to get down and he wouldn't. And I went in there and he was locked

00:12:42.260 up. Like he wouldn't move. I had to pick him up and he's a big dog. I had to pick him up and move him.

00:12:47.520 And he couldn't move his work, work, his back legs at the next morning. I had to bring him

00:12:51.980 downstairs and put him outside and to see him try to go to the bathroom outside. It was like,

00:12:56.240 he had to force himself to do that. Uh, so we took him into the, into the clinic, the vet and the vet

00:13:02.760 didn't know what was going on. I thought it was neurological, but I thought it was probably maybe

00:13:06.300 a tick, an illness from a tick. Cause there was a lot of ticks in Maine and that happens.

00:13:10.700 So the vet said, Hey, you know, you need to take this dog down to the animal hospital in Portland. So

00:13:15.560 brought him down there and long story short, inoperable brain tumor just wrapped around his,

00:13:22.540 his, his brain and had, had a lot of conversations about what that looked like. Now my son was younger

00:13:29.320 than your 20 year old at the time, but had a lot of conversations with him and the rest of the family

00:13:32.860 about the way that this has to go down. And we were all there, you know, I, I was in the room.

00:13:38.500 Uh, my ex-wife is in the room. My oldest son, his dog was in the room and we thought maybe we

00:13:44.800 shouldn't have him in the room, but no, it made sense for him to be there to say goodbye and go

00:13:48.300 through that process. Although it was hard. And then they said, you know, uh, uh, would you like

00:13:53.480 us to take care of the remains of the dog? I said, no, I'll bring him home. And I made, I made sure

00:14:00.400 that my oldest son helped me dig that dog's grave because it's a, it's not like I could have gone and

00:14:06.340 done it by myself. And I would have felt a whole lot better about it because I felt like I was

00:14:10.140 shielding him, the emotional trauma of having to do it himself, but it's part of the process.

00:14:15.040 And it's a way to say goodbye. And he was involved from all the way through the entire,

00:14:20.320 you know, span of the dog's life, including his death. And, and from there conversations,

00:14:26.340 you know, have a lot of open conversations about memories and we've got pictures. And I had,

00:14:31.540 fortunately I had a couple of great people that follow the podcast, offer to do artwork.

00:14:36.340 So we've got artwork of the dog, you know, so I don't know if that helps, but that's,

00:14:41.500 that was our, our last experience and it will happen again, but that was our last experience.

00:14:45.720 Yeah. That's great. All right, Kevin Booby. What, if anything, do you intend to add to the

00:14:53.200 IC experience to increase the value members receive? I have a lot of high caliber men have

00:14:57.960 been leaving once the new car personnel is gone and much more offered, uh, than the BT relationships,

00:15:04.860 which are most conducted over the phone and not on mighty networks. And I think, I think if you don't

00:15:10.520 mind me adding to Kevin's question, you know, one of the things that I talk about, uh, quite a bit

00:15:15.940 when we, when we talk about leveling up with battle team leaders is number one reason guys join the

00:15:21.620 council accountability. Number one thing that guys ask for more of is accountability. And, and maybe

00:15:28.920 even your viewpoint of kind of even preparing guys to join the iron council that might be listening

00:15:34.400 that say, Hey, right. I want accountability. And then they show up and get a little bit of it and

00:15:38.920 go, Oh, you know, this is uncomfortable. Cause I think that's part of the new car smell too,

00:15:44.100 is that I'm just not going to join some group and I'm going to be caused to change without

00:15:49.380 effort on my part and everything else. So anyhow. Yeah. Well, my, when you first asked the question,

00:15:56.740 my, my first response is what are you going to do about it? Yeah. And I'm going to look,

00:16:02.600 by the way, I'm going to answer the question in the spirit that it was asked, but that's actually

00:16:08.020 a really important question. And we hear questions like this all the time. Don't we kid, not just about

00:16:11.780 the iron council about life, like, Oh, my work environment's miserable. What should, what my bosses

00:16:16.180 aren't doing what I think they should. What could my boss do to make it better? Yeah. And granted,

00:16:21.380 look, two things can exist simultaneously. Your boss could do a lot more at work to make it better,

00:16:26.340 or your wife could do a lot more in the relationship to improve the dynamic of the 1.00

00:16:30.120 relationship that can be true. And also simultaneously. So can you. Yeah. And we should

00:16:37.520 constantly be striving to do our part so that we can improve our environment. So my question for you

00:16:44.340 and the iron council is, what are you going to do with that? Have you asked that? And what I mean

00:16:49.020 by that is, are you doing the battle plan a hundred percent? Are you getting on your team

00:16:53.480 calls a hundred percent of the time? Are you sticking to your goals and getting a hundred

00:16:57.100 percent on your numbers? Are you doing the vision work? Are you doing the monthly assignments? Are you

00:17:00.900 doing the monthly topics? Are you going to the calls that are the one-off calls that different

00:17:05.280 members do? James Percival did one on finding a battle team the other day. Alan did one on building

00:17:10.420 better habits, uh, just last week. And it was amazing. There's so much there that if you did

00:17:15.820 that a hundred percent of what was already there, that question, I think at that point becomes a lot

00:17:21.020 less relevant because you're doing a hundred percent with what's currently there. So that's what I would

00:17:26.220 say first is why don't you show me what you're doing? And then we'll talk about the rest of that

00:17:31.480 question. Cause if we're not getting a hundred percent in our life, and again, I think about a

00:17:36.020 relationship, if you're not getting a hundred percent in your relationship goals, before you

00:17:41.680 ask her to change, figure out what you can do a hundred percent better and see if that doesn't 0.81

00:17:47.060 change the dynamic of the relationship. Now I hear it. I already hear it. People are like,

00:17:51.940 well, right. I mean, yeah, but if she doesn't change, yes, she might not. We don't know.

00:17:57.020 She might not respond favorably. You working your butt off at work more so than you have in the past

00:18:03.180 might not get your boss to change, but don't you want to know that?

00:18:07.900 Yeah. And aren't you better off anyway? Of course you are. Of course you are. Yeah. So

00:18:14.540 do all of that 100% and then see if that improves your experience, whatever experience that we're

00:18:21.560 talking about. That's number one. Totally. Can I suggest something really quick or a wrench in your

00:18:27.120 comment and not a wrench, maybe propose maybe some additional thoughts from you is what, and I mean,

00:18:35.380 Kevin, you're not saying this, I get that, but like what Kevin might say or other people might say is,

00:18:40.100 but Ryan, that's not my job, right? Like my job, my boss should be doing X and my job is to do Y.

00:18:48.360 And you're telling me I should be doing X that I should be, but that's not my responsibility.

00:18:52.640 Yeah. And, and thus, thus I shouldn't have to do those things.

00:18:58.780 Well, two things with that. I'm glad you brought that up. Number one, you don't have to,

00:19:03.360 nobody's telling you have to, I think the only times you can say that I have to do this

00:19:08.060 is because you're either going to end up dead or somebody you love is going to end up dead because

00:19:12.660 you don't do it outside of that. You have a choice in everything. And I'm not saying free of

00:19:16.500 consequences just because it's a tough choice, but you don't have to do anything. You don't have to

00:19:20.780 engage with your relationship. You don't have to pour into your business. You don't have to invest

00:19:24.920 in the iron council. Nobody's telling you have to, we're just telling you, if you do life might

00:19:29.560 improve for you. So let's get that one off the table right now. But as far as the not my responsibility,

00:19:34.980 it's not your responsibility. If you don't care about the results, but if you care about the results,

00:19:41.140 then you're damn right. It's your responsibility. Like if you care about your work, if you care about your

00:19:46.440 work environment, if you care about your employees, if you care about the people around you, for you to

00:19:50.880 say, well, you know, that's not my responsibility, then you don't care about your goals. If you're in

00:19:55.840 your marriage and your wife's not treating you the way you think you deserve to be treated, but you realize

00:20:00.760 you're showing up 70% of the way you could show up to say, it's not my responsibility is an

00:20:06.280 abdication of responsibility. It's an abdication of your, your, your, your commitments. And look, I always

00:20:12.780 have to throw this disclaimer out here. I'm not perfect on this stuff, but I'm trying to face

00:20:16.820 reality the way that it is. And the reality is, is that I don't show up a hundred percent of the

00:20:21.220 time, but I don't have the right to want more. And then to simultaneously say, but it's not my

00:20:25.440 responsibility. If I want more, it absolutely is my responsibility. But if I don't care about it,

00:20:31.620 then I can chalk it up to not my responsibility. But again, we have to wrap our heads around the concept

00:20:36.500 that two things can exist simultaneously at work. It can be my responsibility as an employee.

00:20:42.280 And it can also be my bosses or leadership's responsibility. We often hear with relationships,

00:20:48.540 it's not 50, 50, it's 100, 100. I believe that it is my responsibility. And also it's somebody else's

00:20:54.760 response. We can both share the responsibility. We're not even sharing. We're both taking 100%

00:20:59.420 of the responsibility. So, and when we, Oh, good. Nope, you're good. Go. I just want to finish on the

00:21:05.400 thought with the spirit of the question, because I am going to answer the spirit of the question.

00:21:09.400 I just want to make sure we're reframing this a little bit in a way that I believe has served me

00:21:14.200 better in my life. Although it's been more challenging at times than just to waive my

00:21:18.200 responsibility away. But I do want to answer the question, the spirit in which it was asked,

00:21:22.640 which I will get to. Got it. No, go ahead. Finish. You're good.

00:21:26.280 So as far as the spirit of the question, man, you and I just had a great conversation kit before we

00:21:32.220 hit record on this about developing leadership development program. We've got an overcoming

00:21:35.980 pornography course that's available to our council members. I got a call on Wednesday or Thursday of

00:21:41.740 this week with a good friend, Tanner Guzzi, who focuses on man's presence and persona and their

00:21:46.560 style. He's going to be putting together a course. I have a good friend, Keith Yacke. He's putting

00:21:50.640 together a course on building a more powerful, more rich, fulfilled marriage. Johnny Loretty,

00:21:56.800 my fitness instructor and nutritionist is putting together a course on nutrition.

00:22:00.520 These things will all be available. The other thing is I'm starting to do more lives where I just jump

00:22:06.600 on sporadically and randomly and talk about issues that the guys in the iron council want to talk about.

00:22:11.820 That's going to be something that comes online. We're also going to be releasing the podcast,

00:22:16.980 the interview podcast, unedited and raw to our iron council members before it goes public.

00:22:23.200 So you'll have, and that's not as important, the raw unedited version, because there's not a whole

00:22:27.840 lot of changes that go into our podcast, unless maybe a guest has something to request, right?

00:22:32.740 Yeah. But, but there's not really a whole lot of like editing and fine tuning, hardly any at all.

00:22:38.980 But what you will get in that is you'll get before the, the pre interview, if you will,

00:22:45.080 and the post interview. And over eight years of doing this, I've realized that some of the best

00:22:50.300 advice I've ever received or gotten from podcast guests is before I hit record or after I stopped

00:22:55.880 recording. Yeah.

00:22:57.540 So that's not, that's a thing of the past. Iron council members will have access to that.

00:23:02.100 So there are things that we're implementing and we're going to continue to push and move the needle

00:23:05.620 and try new things in addition to what's already there. So be on the lookout for those things.

00:23:13.280 I love it. I love it. That's a lot in the mix, man. I love it. And Kevin, thanks for letting us,

00:23:17.760 you know, you know, spin your question, you know, and, and, and talk really about taking some

00:23:23.700 ownership over, over our lives as, as, you know, as part of his question around, uh, growth in the

00:23:30.420 IC. So I like it. Okay. I think there's something on that just to mention very quickly is, and that

00:23:36.880 was Kevin, right? Yes. Yeah. I don't think Kevin will, but I just want to throw this out here because

00:23:42.380 sometimes I've had guys take things personally when I suggest I don't, I don't ever, I don't

00:23:47.640 think less of anybody when they ask questions that I spin a little bit or give a different

00:23:51.700 perspective. And it's not even an indictment. Hell, it's not even a question you may be asking.

00:23:55.880 Like you may be fully on board with what we're saying, right? I don't know. So I don't ever

00:24:00.680 want guys to think like, Oh, this is an indictment against you and you're an idiot. And I used to have

00:24:04.900 that attitude. I don't have that attitude anymore. Um, I just, we're just, what we're trying to do is

00:24:09.340 we're trying to take your singular question and broaden it out as wide as we can go so that we can

00:24:14.000 serve as many men as possible. So although in Kevin's instance, he might not, that might not

00:24:18.460 have anything to do with what he was thinking, but I guarantee there's thousands, if not tens of

00:24:23.220 thousands of people who will listen to this podcast in the coming days and weeks that have the mentality

00:24:29.300 that we talked about. So what I would like to suggest is Kevin, because you had the balls to ask

00:24:33.660 the question, you now have served other men because you got the conversation started that we wouldn't

00:24:39.840 have otherwise have. So guys, like, and, and also there's no point to taking anything personally

00:24:44.820 in life, even if it's personal, learn what you can ask yourself. It's if it's objectively true

00:24:50.520 and helpful, take what you want and that's life. Yep. I like it. All right. We're going to hop over

00:24:57.520 to some questions from Facebook. Uh, join us there. Facebook.com slash group slash order of man,

00:25:02.760 Eric Tyler. Hey guys, I'm sorry if this has been discussed before on the podcast, but as someone who

00:25:07.660 is currently unhappy with my career, I've decided that I would like to go back to school. The only

00:25:13.260 problem is that I can't choose on if I want to go to a trade school for carpentry or a typical

00:25:18.800 four-year college for business. Any advice? I appreciate everything that you are doing. God bless.

00:25:24.400 Okay. A couple of things. Number one, don't apologize and then do what you say you're sorry for.

00:25:28.960 Yeah. So you don't need to be sorry for asking. It's a good question. We don't need,

00:25:34.800 there's no need to be sorry about that. You're asking a solid question.

00:25:37.680 I'm sure we've addressed things like this before, but you haven't heard it. So you don't need to

00:25:40.560 apologize. Yeah. And it gives us an opportunity to talk about number two, be careful of, uh,

00:25:45.580 either or fallacies or false dichotomies. Should I go to trade school or should I go to more

00:25:51.980 traditional four-year round? As in those are the only two options available and they're not,

00:25:57.880 there's an infinite number of possibilities available. For example, I don't know what you do

00:26:02.120 for work. Does he suggest what he does for work? He doesn't. No, I don't know what you do for

00:26:06.980 work, but you might, you might have a great employer or a great organization you're working

00:26:13.020 with. Maybe the culture is amazing. Maybe you're getting paid well, but you don't like the specific

00:26:17.100 work. Maybe there's an opportunity for a lateral move or a vertical move, hopefully up, not down. 0.82

00:26:23.280 Or you, or you like the work, but you don't like where you're, who you're with or the company that

00:26:30.180 you're working for. And now you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater because it's not

00:26:34.680 enjoyable. Yeah. Right. And we're only bringing this up as an, as an option or something else to

00:26:39.620 explore. I've also seen companies who, if you like the work to some degree, and you said you don't

00:26:43.860 like the work. I know you said that, but we're just trying to get to the root of what you might mean

00:26:47.880 by that. But there's even organizations that I've seen that will be willing to pay for credentialing

00:26:52.240 and extra schooling. If, if, if you're more interested in, in that line of work, but moving

00:26:58.000 up the chain of command where they'll actually pour and invest into you. I don't know if that's

00:27:02.200 available, but those are opportunities, other opportunities. You know, when I hear you talk

00:27:07.140 about it, it almost sounds like, Hey, I'm going to quit and go to trade school, or I'm going to quit.

00:27:10.880 And I'm going to go to a four-year college, you know, course or router degree. Maybe that's

00:27:16.040 the route for you. I don't know, but maybe there's an opportunity for you to continue to

00:27:20.080 work while you do this in the evenings or in the mornings. And you pick up a couple of classes

00:27:24.360 and you try to figure out what it is you're interested in before you just burn the boats.

00:27:28.760 And I know that's popular in a self-development space, but I've got a family. I've got responsibilities

00:27:33.840 for me just to burn everything to the ground because I want to go, you know, find myself like

00:27:37.920 that's not a possibility for me right now. So yeah, I think there's some other avenues to

00:27:44.580 explore. Now, with regards to your question, here's what I can't tell you what you should do.

00:27:49.680 Nobody can, but here's a little exercise that I think might help you. If you were to fast forward

00:27:55.920 your life, let's say 15 years, 20 years, looking back on your life now, which decision will you be

00:28:05.800 grateful and glad that you made? So again, looking ahead to your life, 15, 20 years, and then looking

00:28:11.500 back on it currently where you're making this decision, which decision would the future you

00:28:16.140 be happy, grateful, and fulfilled that you made? That's a really, really powerful exercise because

00:28:21.860 it allows you to see things outside of the current reality. The current reality is financially related,

00:28:29.260 emotionally related. You might feel like a quitter if you leave, you might put your family in some

00:28:35.180 financial hardship initially. If you do this, there's a lot of stuff that's present. And I'm not saying

00:28:40.680 it's unimportant. Many of those factors are very, very important right now. But this exercise allows

00:28:46.940 you to make a decision or at least consider a decision without all the current extra baggage

00:28:53.440 that you have right now. And that exercise has been really, really valuable for myself and also

00:28:59.340 valuable for a lot of guys that ask very similar questions of what he's asking right now.

00:29:02.840 Totally. Totally. Well, and I mean, there's so many things to consider here, right? Like when I,

00:29:09.660 whenever I hear go back, you know, four-year college degree in business, I always say, what does that

00:29:15.140 mean? Like, what does that translate to as a job for you? Because that's the other thing. And I'm saying

00:29:21.240 this about Eric, but how often do we, we get people that are like, well, I'll get educated and then,

00:29:27.120 and then just work will happen for me. Right. And it's like, well, how does that translate to a skill

00:29:33.000 that's valuable? And what's the long-term play here? Back to your point, Ryan, will you like

00:29:38.380 carpentry? Do you know that? Oh no. Well, I just thought, you know, it's like, well, what if you

00:29:43.820 don't like that either? Right. So there's a bunch of things here that like flush out in regards to what,

00:29:49.860 what, I don't know, you enjoy, what do you like doing? Is the business degree really to start

00:29:56.000 your own carpentry business as well as like, you know, and, and, and Eric's probably already

00:30:01.500 evaluating this, but like the trades, the demand for skill sets in that area is skyrocketing.

00:30:07.820 Right. And so, you know, what's happening in the market, where are jobs going? Do you want to own

00:30:14.140 your own business in the future? If that's the case is your probability of getting into that market

00:30:19.400 as a trade is a lot higher. Like there's lots of things that consider above and beyond just,

00:30:24.020 you know, college degree versus trade school. I'm not sure if that helps probably adds more

00:30:29.240 anxiety. That's exactly what I was thinking. I'm like, so basically the answer that we have for

00:30:33.480 you on this is we don't know, but here's a bunch of other shit to worry about to make the decision

00:30:39.520 harder. Good luck. Yeah. It's probably true. I mean, that's the reality of it is like, we don't know,

00:30:46.860 but here are some different considerations and maybe you can start looking at it in a different way

00:30:52.540 that might help you come to a better conclusion for yourself. Because I can't tell you what you

00:30:57.380 should do, but there's some factors to consider. I think what you said was really helpful about

00:31:02.060 like, is this going to, if you go, are you going to like it? Is that going to lead to a job? Where

00:31:07.340 are careers going? Where's technology going? Those are factors that I think are really important to

00:31:11.700 consider in these decisions. Yeah. Well, and, and I can't help, but, but hear the unhappy in my career

00:31:18.320 thing, you know, and once again, right, we're spinning you, your, your question, Eric, but how

00:31:23.620 often do guys have opportunities placed before them right now? Like I, I could probably do this

00:31:31.780 right now, Ryan, I could probably think in my life right now, my current situation, how many

00:31:37.780 opportunities of growth I have that I'm not executing on. I could, I could level up in a particular

00:31:44.520 skill set. I could tackle something that I'm not tackling today within my job. I could take

00:31:49.680 advantage of opportunities that, that Ryan would probably be willing to give me, but I'm not

00:31:54.960 maximizing them. How many, yeah, yeah, maybe, but how many things are left on the table that we're not

00:32:02.260 magnifying. And, and so make sure that wherever you are right now, that you're magnifying it, that the

00:32:10.080 job that you have right now that you're quote unquote unhappy with, maybe what you need to do is figure

00:32:15.380 out why you're unhappy about it. And maybe it's about trying to be happy where you are. So you can show

00:32:22.480 up powerfully and grow with whatever you have. And I think once again, it's not, it's agnostic to the

00:32:29.840 question. Can we all do that and grow where we are without a doubt? And we, without a doubt, we should, while

00:32:36.580 also preparing for what the future looks like, just don't pass up opportunities that are placed

00:32:41.400 before us. Yeah. Well, only, only little point of exception to that is I would, I was gonna say

00:32:50.200 I'd caution, I would caution, but I don't think I would caution. I don't like the idea of like,

00:32:54.560 you just try to be happy with where you are right now or what you're doing. I, and I don't think you

00:32:58.720 were totally saying that, but I think some people could interpret it that way. I'd rather say to you,

00:33:02.920 why don't you worry about being more fulfilled and fulfillment comes from achieving and honoring

00:33:10.840 our responsibilities. And we don't do that a hundred percent. Now I'm not saying you don't

00:33:17.680 do that. I'm saying we, all of us don't do that a hundred percent. And this goes back to our previous

00:33:21.800 question. If we do that 100% at that point, it's kind of like, I don't know, an analogy. I'm trying

00:33:29.520 to think of it now, like, like in a, like a video game, you know, you have to get a certain point

00:33:33.920 before you unlock the next level. And to me, if you're operating at 70%, I don't care if you call

00:33:39.880 it God, karma, the universe, whatever the muse, if you don't, if you don't get a hundred percent,

00:33:47.800 you don't unlock the next level. Like if you're operating at 70%, you really don't have room to

00:33:54.340 complain about like, I'm not happy or I'm not fulfilled or I'm not achieving what I want to achieve.

00:33:59.520 I think I'd be happier, more fulfilled somewhere else. That might be true, but we actually don't

00:34:03.620 know because you're not operating at a hundred percent yet. If you do it at a hundred percent,

00:34:08.460 two things are going to happen. You're going to find more fulfillment where you currently are,

00:34:11.600 or you're going to walk away from where you currently are with a clean conscience, because

00:34:17.300 you know, you were doing 100%, whether it was a relationship, a business venture, your finances,

00:34:23.920 your fitness. I mean, how many guys bounce around on a fitness program? It didn't work.

00:34:27.260 Well, did you follow it to the letter? No. Cause I was busy with work and like,

00:34:31.780 you know, the guy said to go in four days a week, but I went in, you know, two and I didn't do all

00:34:36.500 the workouts. Cause I don't really like those ones. And then I asked kind of laxed at night,

00:34:40.460 but like, I just need to do something different. Cause this isn't working. No, you're not working.

00:34:45.640 It's not the program. It's you. So make sure you're working before you say the program's not.

00:34:50.960 Totally. Totally. All right. Joseph Medeiros. I am an only child. My parents have settled for a life

00:35:01.540 of complacency. Recently, they got kicked out of their rental for not paying rent during COVID.

00:35:07.380 I already know where this is going with my grandparents.

00:35:09.480 Can I guess where this is going?

00:35:11.360 Yeah, go for it.

00:35:12.400 I think what he's going to ask is how do I, how do I get my parents to like get their shit together?

00:35:17.520 Perfect. Yep. How do you change other adults?

00:35:25.140 Let's hear the rest of his question though.

00:35:27.300 Okay. What do I do about my parents? I've talked to them multiple times about living a meaningful

00:35:32.260 life. I can't help, but feel being the only child that I'm somewhat responsible for their actions.

00:35:38.260 How do I get rid of this mindset that I have?

00:35:41.580 I watched the guardian the other night with Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner.

00:35:47.320 It's a great movie. Have you seen it?

00:35:49.940 No, but it's like, they're like firefighters or something, right?

00:35:53.200 Is that right?

00:35:54.920 Like Coast Guard rescue divers.

00:35:58.480 Yeah. Yeah. That's right. I know what movie you're talking about, but I haven't seen it.

00:36:00.640 You should watch it. Any man should watch it. It's really good. Really good.

00:36:05.660 And Ashton Kutcher asked Kevin Costner, like, how do you know who to save? And Kevin Costner says,

00:36:16.140 I come to the first one and I save them and I go back out and I say, and I go back out and say that.

00:36:22.280 And when I can't do any more, the sea takes the rest. Like all you can do is swim as hard as you

00:36:29.020 can. And at some point the sea is going to take the rest. And that's so hard. We're talking about

00:36:36.100 your parents, man. That's what makes this question hard because if it was just some random person,

00:36:41.500 you'd be like, yeah, that guy needs to get his act together, man. I mean, I wish he would, but I

00:36:46.620 don't, I can't do any of that. He's got to really do it. And then you, and then you see it in the context of

00:36:50.500 someone you love and you know, the answer, but because it's somebody you're so committed to or

00:36:55.820 so loyal to, or so obligated to, because they raised you. I hear that one a lot that you owe

00:37:01.300 them something. You don't, you don't know. And that's not true. I'll take that back. You do owe

00:37:06.620 them something. You owe them 100% of your effort, but you do not owe them results of their own life.

00:37:14.820 And you, even on the a hundred percent effort, there's a caveat to that. They have to, and I've said this,

00:37:19.640 they have to be willing to participate in the rescue. And if they're not going to participate in

00:37:24.580 the rescue, man, as painful as it is to see people you love make bad decisions. And I have people like

00:37:29.600 that in my life. I got to go serve somebody else. And look, I'm going to keep the door open. It's like

00:37:35.800 the prodigal son, you know, he leaves and he goes out and he sows his oats and he comes back. And what

00:37:40.940 does the dad do? He runs to his son and embraces his son. He doesn't, doesn't chase him. He lets him

00:37:47.960 do his life. He lets him learn his experiences. He lets him go through hardship and he prays over

00:37:52.680 his son. And he thinks about and contemplates what his son is going through. And the minute his son

00:37:57.200 returns, he doesn't close the gate and say, oh, well, you know, all those years. No, he opens the

00:38:01.900 gate and he sees him coming from his tower and he runs down his house and he meets him in the lane

00:38:07.160 and embraces him as a father. And that might be a situation you have right here. You've done

00:38:12.360 everything that you can do. You've shared, you've probably given financial resources.

00:38:17.140 You've, you've talked with them about it. And at this point, I don't know. I don't know the

00:38:22.580 ramifications or all the intricacies of your situation, but at this point they're adults and

00:38:27.260 they need to make those decisions, but you should remain open, an open door policy, but you don't step

00:38:33.240 out anymore. You have to allow them to step in. That's all you can do. Totally.

00:38:38.240 And by the way, you probably have your own family to worry about. Yeah. Right. Like,

00:38:42.860 I don't know if he's married. I don't know if he has kids. It doesn't actually doesn't matter if

00:38:47.020 he does. Like you have other responsibilities you have to take care of. So make sure you're

00:38:51.100 not exerting all this energy on somebody who doesn't appreciate it or is ever going to implement

00:38:54.620 it so that you can pour fully into the people who are like, Hey dad, look at me. Hey, you know,

00:39:00.420 husband, look at me. I was really guilty of this over the past couple of years. And I wish I would

00:39:05.660 have done it differently and I am going to do it differently and am currently doing it differently

00:39:08.660 now, but I want to pour into them. Totally. You know, Joseph, the, the one tactic or I just,

00:39:16.260 I guess my share around how I've changed my mindset around this and it's applicable to all things,

00:39:21.760 right? So if we're talking about, um, an employee, that's not fulfilling the roles and responsibilities

00:39:28.660 of a position, right? Or your parents aren't showing up how you think they should, or a friend

00:39:33.740 isn't showing up how they think they should or whatever the mindset is we need to, the way we

00:39:39.380 change our mindset is understanding human behavior. And, and, and there's a big difference between,

00:39:45.340 between me coercing, shaming, blaming, manipulating Ryan into doing something that I think is good for

00:39:52.120 him versus Ryan choosing what's best for him. And, and one comes with commitment, change and

00:39:59.180 transformation. The other one comes with, well, I'm just only doing this to get him off my back.

00:40:04.580 And that's not a long-term strategy anyway. Could, could we get your parents to make some

00:40:11.260 changes? You could, you could probably stonewall them. You could probably withhold your love and

00:40:15.860 your affection for him. And there's all kinds of things that we could do to manipulate the situation

00:40:20.380 maybe, but it's all out of what reason. And that's, that's not what's going to move the needle.

00:40:26.720 And, and to be frank, that's not how adults work, right? We need to come to those conclusions on

00:40:32.460 their own. They need to learn on their own. We can support them, but that's, that's how you make

00:40:37.180 change. So like from an example of like an employee that's not executing, my job as a leader is to

00:40:43.300 identify what winning looks like, what's expected of them and ask if they will commit to doing it and

00:40:49.920 how I can support them. But if they go, yeah, you know what, Ryan, I'm not, you know, it's not for me

00:40:54.520 or I'm not in, then it's done. And, and that's, and we got to treat them that way. And your parents

00:40:59.760 are no different. You can support them in it, but the way you get rid of your mindset of the way

00:41:04.160 they should or should not be is getting really present to the idea that this is for them to

00:41:09.140 learn and grow from. And if they choose to learn and grow in their certain circumstance and not be

00:41:15.360 complacency in their, have complacency in their life, that's their decision. And they're just maybe not

00:41:21.940 there yet. And it is what it is. And, and let go of the expectation that you, that you have of what

00:41:27.900 they should or should not do. Now it's okay to have an opinion that like they would be better off

00:41:33.180 so we can support them, but you know, support them in making that decision on their own is,

00:41:38.860 is the proper approach. Yeah, I agree. All right. Tony Simon, hello, men. When you lose yourself

00:41:47.660 and leave your path, what actions or resources do you use to get back on track? For example,

00:41:53.720 I have had a running routine and I was on a diet to do other commitments and I had stopped. And now

00:41:59.040 I'm having trouble being consistent with exercise and diet. Same thing for journaling and reading.

00:42:04.060 Thank you very much for what you do. Kind of similar to that question earlier.

00:42:07.580 Yeah. I feel like we had maybe anything that you would add. Okay. I, again, first step figuring out

00:42:13.060 why journaling or why are you doing that? Yeah. Like, are you doing that because somebody told

00:42:18.380 you it was a good idea to do it? Or are you doing it because you're not? Yeah. Is there real value

00:42:23.420 to it for you? If there is, then you should probably continue, continue doing that. If somebody else

00:42:27.120 told you to do it, I don't think that's a reason to sustain it. I think that actually could be a

00:42:31.240 reason to try it because somebody credible in your life says, Hey, I've been journaling and it's been

00:42:35.400 amazing and you should try it. That's actually for me, that's reason enough to be like, Oh yeah,

00:42:38.940 well, I trust that guy. He's having success. I think I'll give that a try and I'll ask him a few more

00:42:42.520 questions about how to make it effective for me, but it's not a reason to continue something.

00:42:47.020 You actually have to find value and it has to be driving your life forward. It has to be serving

00:42:51.080 you in some way. We do this with hobbies a lot. I mean, you and I talk about jujitsu quite often.

00:42:56.520 So it's like, well, man, order, man, I got to do jujitsu. Why? Because I said, or because Kip said,

00:43:01.680 that's not a good, that's a good reason to try it. Yeah. What do you mean? Because Kip's a black belt. 1.00

00:43:07.600 So you got to listen to black belts. Yeah. Listen. Um, so yeah, get back 0.63

00:43:12.500 to the root of why you're doing it. And then we've got our 12 week battle planners. This is

00:43:17.500 what I use, you know, so you can pick that out at the store. It's, uh, where's it at? Order of man.com

00:43:24.460 slash T W B P as in 12 week battle planner. I use this religiously. This is what I use every single

00:43:31.420 day. I already went through and did everything today that I need to do. Um, and I'll check it off

00:43:35.120 as I get it done. Um, and outside of that, maybe start again with the consistency in something small.

00:43:41.220 So I think it's the same question basically. And I hope that first one told you. 1.00

00:43:45.360 Well, and, and Tony in the IC right now, we're, we're deep diving into atomic habits,

00:43:49.920 that book. And so maybe as a resource, just cause it's fresh on my mind from our discussions

00:43:54.740 internally that, um, you know, look at some resources, look at changing habits,

00:43:58.940 make sure you make them easy. There's a bunch of resources from that perspective.

00:44:03.420 Well, and that even with a bit of bias, that actually might be something to consider because in

00:44:06.960 August, not August, in September, we're opening up the iron council again, and maybe just having

00:44:11.980 people around you with a system in place is enough of a, you know, a jolt like the defibrillator,

00:44:17.700 you know, let me jolt you out of this because there's some accountability and you have a new

00:44:20.840 system to run on that might help too. Yep. Yep. All right. Corey Brenton, my 15 year old son

00:44:27.420 just tonight saw one of his friends have a really bad accident. He didn't die, but severely hurt.

00:44:33.020 My son was first and the only one on the scene for a while. He called 911, applied emergency care,

00:44:38.040 kept pressure on the wounds and kept his friend awake to avoid any shock until EMTs arrived.

00:44:43.640 Here's my question outside of listening to my son and being there for him, getting him to see a

00:44:47.920 counselor. Is there anything else I should be doing to help him work through this? I understand that

00:44:53.320 you nor Kip are mental health counselors. I'm just wondering from the father's aspect,

00:44:58.260 what am I missing or needing to do? Thanks for your input. And thanks for the great podcast as

00:45:02.820 always trying to help us all get better. I mean, the first thing I hear in that is that a 15 year

00:45:08.480 old called the police. He sounds like he was calm, cool and collected. He applied pressure. He stayed

00:45:13.480 with the victim who was a friend that sounded like, um, and he got the job done. Proud dad moment right

00:45:20.360 there. What an amazing, amazing young man that he can have the emotional and mental presence to be

00:45:26.520 able to keep his cool enough to do what he needed to do. I don't know if that's training you've given

00:45:30.700 him or encouraged to do or something else, but man, you guys ought to be proud of that for sure.

00:45:35.220 To Kip's point. Totally. I think you're doing everything. That's the hard thing is, is sometimes

00:45:40.680 the results don't come as fast as we would like, or we want to make sure we're not missing any bases.

00:45:46.180 And it doesn't sound like you are to me. The only thing I would add, and I imagine just based on the

00:45:50.780 brief question that you asked here is that you're just there and you're present and it, and it

00:45:56.680 probably, it doesn't even revolve around working through this specific acute instance that he's

00:46:03.360 dealing with. It's just being there and present. So it might be, Hey, bud, let's go play baseball.

00:46:08.580 One thing my kids have told me, my two oldest kids is sometimes when I have a serious conversation,

00:46:13.420 I, I, and I don't do this deliberately, but I asked them in a position that they feel like they

00:46:20.520 can't escape from it. Like I might do it in the car when they're stuck with me, you know? And I'm

00:46:25.300 like, Oh, every time we're in the car, dad wants to have this deep, deep, you know, dive conversation

00:46:29.840 into something and they can't leave because they're stuck in the car. So that's not creating a real warm

00:46:35.720 environment for them to be able to open up and share and be honest about what all of us are dealing with.

00:46:40.900 So I have to work on that personally. Uh, and that means that sometimes I'm not going to have a deep

00:46:48.260 discussion on what's going on. I'm just going to ask about football or baseball. Hey, let's go play

00:46:53.600 catch or we have a basketball hoop. Hey, let's go play basketball. And I'm not doing it as a ploy to

00:46:58.520 talk. I'm doing it as a ploy to just be there and be present with my kids. And if they want to talk

00:47:04.580 about their favorite basketball player, cool. My second son loves shoes. So if he wants to talk about

00:47:10.500 this new pair of shoes he's trying to save money for cool, we can talk about that. If he wants to

00:47:15.500 talk about girls or wants to talk about, uh, what it's like going through living in two different

00:47:20.260 households, we could talk about that. I just leave it open and I don't need to steer the conversation.

00:47:24.220 I just need to be part of it. And that's, that's, that's something I'm working on. I can't tell you

00:47:30.040 I'm great at that, but that is something I'm working on and something that I haven't always been

00:47:33.440 really good at. So that's what I, that's what I'm trying to do. That might, that might help you a

00:47:37.680 little bit. I like it. Austin Chamberlain, what are some good tips to start a business? I'm looking

00:47:44.000 to start a firearm instruction business and have much to learn about the business aspect.

00:47:49.840 Yeah. I mean, hiring coaches is a big component of this, like hiring people who are successful.

00:47:53.780 Too often we overlook that. We think that we can do it on our own and you're smart,

00:47:57.240 you're intelligent. You could probably do it on your own. You could figure a lot of stuff out.

00:48:00.580 You could watch what other firearm companies are doing. You could do that and be fairly

00:48:05.580 successful, but it's going to take longer and it's going to cost more to do it that way.

00:48:10.140 But what if you could invest into a qualified mentor or coach who could help you with the

00:48:14.360 business aspect of it? And yeah, it's hard because you're swallowing this big out-of-pocket

00:48:18.960 cost, but they're going to expedite the timeframe and they're going to help you get results and

00:48:23.140 income that much quicker. So look at all the other advice you're going to get. I would say that

00:48:29.000 if you can find a qualified coach or mentor that can help you build this kind of business,

00:48:33.460 that would be worth its weight in gold and something far too many people overlook.

00:48:37.920 The other thing I would say about business, and I can't give you all the answers here just because

00:48:41.380 of time constraints, and I don't have all the answers myself, is you need to start getting good

00:48:45.800 at marketing and you need to use social media as a tool to be able to do it, especially with

00:48:50.720 firearms content. It's pretty hard. I think it's harder with firearms content because

00:48:54.460 a lot of the big social media companies limit and restrict what you can share and post and how you

00:49:00.720 can promote. But there are things that you can do to be able to promote your services, promote your

00:49:06.520 business. I'd get good at meeting people in the area because this is clearly a business where people

00:49:13.120 need to be there with you. So it's working with law enforcement. It's working with first responders.

00:49:19.600 It's working with military members. I mean, it might even be school teachers who are worried about

00:49:26.260 that type of situation at their school. They might not be able to carry a firearm, but they want to be

00:49:31.300 familiar and proficient with firearms. It could be single mothers who are at home and there's no man in 1.00

00:49:38.980 the house. And so they're left with the task of everything, including the safety and protection of

00:49:44.120 their children. And they want to know how to use a firearm. So if that day comes, heaven forbid,

00:49:50.200 that they would be proficient enough to ward off an attacker and keep their family safe.

00:49:54.340 There's all sorts of little veins that you can explore here. And if you can find these groups

00:49:58.720 in your area and you can go to meetings, you can do presentations, you can invite people out,

00:50:05.420 you can even do voluntary work with the fire departments, like a voluntary fire department.

00:50:09.380 You can go on ride-alongs with police officers. You can offer free training with, and I'm going

00:50:15.960 to say this, with no expectation in return. Hear me on that. No expectation in return. Too many guys

00:50:21.900 will go do free workshops and then try to sell a bunch of stuff afterwards. Just go and serve.

00:50:28.360 Sure, let people know what you're about, but don't go with an expectation that you're trying to sell

00:50:32.400 these guys. You're just trying to serve them because people will sniff that out and be repulsed by it,

00:50:36.220 not attracted to it. So that's where I'd focus. Business mentor, good at online and social

00:50:42.700 marketing. And also, you can hire mentors for that. And some of those are inexpensive because

00:50:47.200 it's all done online in group coaching environments. And then get good at networking in your community

00:50:52.580 and in your area and find those veins and niches that can serve you.

00:50:56.280 Cool. The only thing I'd add is minimal viable product. Don't get wrapped up in how perfect this

00:51:02.960 looks and then try to get it perfect, right? There's huge value in you doing firearm instruction

00:51:09.340 today. Whether it's one-on-one training with the neighbor or through a community group or whatever,

00:51:19.500 you need the reps as fast as possible. You need to flush out demographics and ideas. And a lot of that

00:51:26.820 is found in doing a minimal viable product and trying out things and seeing what works,

00:51:32.280 what doesn't work, and then make your necessary pivots. Don't fall into this idea that you need

00:51:37.940 a brick and mortar building and all this hype, and then I'll start doing it. That will be the failure

00:51:44.220 of most small businesses, I think, in my opinion.

00:51:47.400 I think that's awesome advice. I mean, I told people, if you are serious about starting a business,

00:51:52.540 we're recording this on Monday, you could have your business up and running by Friday or earlier.

00:51:57.900 If it were me, like a firearms business, if it were me, I could have my business up and running

00:52:02.480 tonight. Because I could go to LegalZoom or Rocket Lawyer or any of these online legal places,

00:52:08.300 or maybe I had a CPA, I don't know, or an accountant, excuse me, an attorney. I could get my LLC set up.

00:52:14.640 That's what you're going to need, especially if you're doing firearms, because you want that layer

00:52:17.160 of protection. We'll talk to your accountant, your CPA on that. But you get your LLC taken care

00:52:22.500 of, and you call five friends tonight, and you're like, hey, guys, I'm going to go teach

00:52:26.700 some firearms training. Bring your own gun. If you don't have one, I've got a few spares. It

00:52:29.820 might not be exactly what you want, but I've got a few spare for you. And it's $30. That's going to

00:52:35.140 get you refreshment's drink, that sort of thing. And it's going to get you 50 rounds. I don't know

00:52:42.700 the price. I'm just saying. It's going to get you whatever. And we're all going to be out there at

00:52:47.620 six o'clock. We're going to meet at the chapel down the road, and we're all going to head over

00:52:52.400 the race together. And if you don't mind, my buddy- You can have a business right now.

00:52:57.080 Totally. And if you don't mind, my buddy Steve's going to come along, take some pictures. If it's

00:53:00.560 okay with you guys, I'll have you sign some documents so I can use that for the website

00:53:05.780 and a couple of marketing things. And I'd love to get you guys' input of what worked and what

00:53:10.260 didn't work, why we're shooting, and what you like most about it.

00:53:13.640 Yep. That's awesome. One other thing to that, Kip, always sell something. You're not hanging

00:53:20.360 out as friends. That's not the purpose of this. If you're doing what we're telling you,

00:53:24.440 that's not the purpose of this meeting or this thing tonight. It's not the hangout. If you wanted

00:53:28.940 to hang out, you can go to the bar, you can go to the game. You can do a lot of other things.

00:53:31.700 The purpose of this is to build your business. And you're selling to friends who care about you,

00:53:36.600 love you, want to support you, and do some cool shit together. So you have to sell it.

00:53:41.040 People say, well, but it's not where I want it. Maybe I'll just give it away for free.

00:53:44.000 Then you don't have a business, man. We're trying to create a business here.

00:53:47.060 You can discount it. I'm fine with that. But if you can't sell something, there's no business.

00:53:53.780 So that's why I say, maybe it's 50 bucks. I don't know. You can discount it. But it's 50 bucks.

00:53:59.180 We'll be out for two hours. Bring your own gun. That's going to provide you. I'll take care of

00:54:04.300 the ammo. Unless you have your own specialized ammo you want to shoot. Just tell me what caliber

00:54:09.100 you're bringing. And I'll get that taken care of. And we'll have some sandwiches while we're out there.

00:54:14.440 But sell it. Don't give it away. Because we're not in charity here. We're in business. So be a

00:54:21.240 business. Yeah. All right. Last question. Corey Bright. Can you talk about the power dynamic when

00:54:28.820 one spouse makes more than the other? I find it really hard that my wife makes almost twice as

00:54:34.200 much as me. I have a good job, but this is something that is nagging and bothers me.

00:54:38.880 Why does it bother you? I know you can't answer that question right now. But yeah. Consider why

00:54:45.200 that bothers you. Probably because you feel less of a man. That's probably what you feel like.

00:54:51.380 Yeah. I don't know. But I imagine that's the case. So what can you do about it? You can make

00:54:58.820 more money. That's one thing you can do. Find a way to make more money. You can have some good

00:55:04.100 conversations about what you add to the table. There might be things that you add to the table

00:55:08.640 that you can't quite quantify with a dollar amount. And there's value in that. Protection is a great

00:55:15.700 component of that. So yeah. Maybe you're not making as much money as she is, but you're a great protector.

00:55:21.800 Maybe you're a great partner. Maybe you're a great father. Maybe things around the house are all done

00:55:28.480 and looking beautiful because of the work that you do. Maybe you're a great cook. I don't know what

00:55:34.040 you like. I don't know what you're into. But you could be great at so many other things that are just

00:55:39.000 not exclusively financially related that might help you feel better about your contributions. And you

00:55:45.120 know what? There might be elements of what you do that she's really appreciative of that you aren't

00:55:50.740 aware of, number one, and that she's never expressed to you. And it's not because she doesn't want

00:55:54.520 to. It's just because she just... Maybe she takes it for granted a little bit, or she doesn't

00:55:58.400 really think about it, or it just doesn't get brought up, or you don't have conversations.

00:56:01.880 There's a lot of reasons why that wouldn't happen. But I bet there's a lot... Because if there wasn't,

00:56:06.180 what would be the reason for keeping you around? She makes more than you. She doesn't need you 1.00

00:56:10.460 around for that. So she's interested in having a relationship with you for other reasons. What

00:56:15.580 are those reasons? And where can you really pour into that side of the relationship that will help

00:56:20.740 you feel better about the dynamic and also serve her more effectively? I mean, I hear about dads who

00:56:25.940 stay at home. That's not for me. And I think that generally speaking, if we look at the quality

00:56:33.940 of life or happiness, I don't think that works for the majority of men and women. But if it does, 0.96

00:56:42.040 then that's a decision you're making. And you need to find a way to pour fully into that as a man

00:56:47.960 so that you do feel fulfilled about your contribution to the dynamic of the relationship.

00:56:55.960 But ask yourself why you're feeling that way and get to the root of those insecurities and then ask

00:57:02.060 yourself how you can step up more fully in different ways that aren't financially related.

00:57:05.960 Yeah. I mean, this is interesting, right? Because I mean, we could get on a whole rat race around,

00:57:10.980 not rat race, but like a rat hole around, you know, feminist movement, you know, equality of 1.00

00:57:18.300 like that whole debate. And but the reality of it is, is most men, whether good or bad,

00:57:25.460 find fulfillment and purpose in life through one of the aspects of masculinity. And that is providing,

00:57:33.080 right? It, it's an intrinsic thing for me. I, I get value and fulfillment knowing that I am providing

00:57:42.260 for my family. And, and so maybe, and that's why this is kind of a good question. I kind of like,

00:57:48.480 like this discussion. But ultimately in the end, I think for us to, to, that we should all be finding

00:57:57.360 fulfillment in how we're showing up in the world. And, and some of us at, at fault of this is,

00:58:03.980 you know, to, to, you know, to make Corey, maybe he feel a little bit better. Some of us like,

00:58:08.360 oh wait, I get great fulfillment, Ryan, because I provide for my family, but I'm dropping the ball

00:58:12.900 in all other areas. Right. And it's like, great. You bring money through the door, but guess what?

00:58:18.920 You're a miserable, miserable person to live with. Your impact on your children is more negative than

00:58:23.700 positive. And we're not winning in this world, right? Other than bringing a check through the

00:58:28.480 door. So that's not even enough, even for those guys. And so the point is, I guess what I'm trying

00:58:35.920 to say is we need to make sure that we're present to the impact that we're leaving in the world.

00:58:41.580 And that will give us fulfillment in regards to how we're showing up. And it's not just about

00:58:47.060 bringing money in. It's, it's much greater than that. And make sure that you're, you're finding that

00:58:52.680 fulfillment in those other areas and you're showing up powerfully.

00:58:56.520 Right. Right. I mean, what's the alternative? The alternative is for her to make less money 1.00

00:59:01.700 because that can help your family. That doesn't sound like a good idea.

00:59:05.640 That doesn't sound good to me. No, but I think when we're making choices like this or feeling a

00:59:11.420 way, I think it's good to consider the alternative. What's the alternate universe of this situation?

00:59:16.460 I mean, yeah, it could be that you're making more money and you should be working towards that if

00:59:19.800 that's a goal of yours. Yeah. But we're not going to just strip her of household income because 1.00

00:59:24.640 you're uncomfortable with it. Like that's not going to be good for the family. I thought about

00:59:28.960 one more thing that you could do. I don't know, but I tend to be pretty good with finances. So maybe

00:59:33.960 she's not, maybe she's great at earning money, but she's not great at managing it. And maybe you're a

00:59:38.700 great manager of money and you're the, the, the bigger share of, of, of that side of things with,

00:59:46.500 with regards to what you're adding is making sure that the money management, Hey, we're paying off

00:59:51.940 debt. We're investing, we're tracking our income and our expenses and you handle that side of things

00:59:57.180 and she's making it. And that's your component or contribution, not only your income, but how you

01:00:02.160 guys manage that effectively. Yeah. Cool. Good luck with that, Corey. Okay. All right, brother,

01:00:07.100 let's wrap it up today. Yeah. So a handful of things, Ryan mentioned this earlier, iron council

01:00:11.900 opening up next month to join us and learn more about the iron council and get ready for that.

01:00:17.060 Go to order man.com slash iron council. One of the things that we can do, you roughly, you could

01:00:22.120 probably get in 30 days, right in or around our battle ready program to in preparation for joining us

01:00:29.340 in September to read or learn more about that. Go to order of man.com slash battle ready. And of

01:00:35.840 course, connect with Mr. Mickler on Instagram and, uh, and Twitter at Ryan Mickler, I guess I should be

01:00:41.940 saying at X instead of at Twitter. Is that, I don't know. Has that, has that changed taking place? I don't

01:00:47.840 know. Yeah. Supposedly sounds weird to say connect with Ryan on X, but anyhow, that's at Ryan Mickler.

01:00:55.120 And of course you can get your swag at store.orderofman.com. Oh, it has happened. I'm

01:01:01.620 looking over here on quote unquote Twitter, but it has happened. Just an X. Yeah. Just an X. Cool.

01:01:08.420 All right, guys. Appreciate you. Great questions today. Keep them coming. We'll keep these answers

01:01:12.320 coming and hopefully it serves you in some way. Let's all go out there, take action and become

01:01:15.960 the man we are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take

01:01:21.300 charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order

01:01:25.820 at order of man.com.

Order of Man - August 16, 2023

Restarting After Stumbling, Not my Responsibility, and What to Do When Your Wife Makes More ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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