Restarting After Stumbling, Not my Responsibility, and What to Do When Your Wife Makes More ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 1 minute
Words per Minute
204.03735
Summary
In this episode, we talk about how to get back on track after a break, what to do when you ve had an off week, and what you can do to get yourself back into the swing of things.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is
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who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up man? So great to see you today. Glad we could do another
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ask me anything. Always. Always. I always feel like I'm saying the same thing, right? It's always a
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pleasure. We do too. I was thinking the same thing. I was like, I just said it like that. You've asked
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me how my weekend was. We've got to come up with a new intro, get exciting for these people. You
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know, weekend was good. Everything's good. I think we ought to just jump into questions today and just
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start getting after it for these guys. I love it. I love it. All right. We're going to fill some
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questions from two primary sources from the Iron Council, and then we snack some questions from
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our Facebook group. If you haven't joined us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash order,
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man. Chris Davis, at our team meeting this morning, I noticed that some of the guys have had
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off weeks. Please talk about what you do to help get back on track. Thanks.
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Well, I think the first thing is just recognizing the reality of the situation. And that reality,
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as difficult as it is for me to swallow, is that not everything's going to be perfect all the time.
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I mean, that's hard for a high achiever. And so what ends up happening for somebody who's
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hard charging and wants to get a hundred percent all the time is that they end up getting discouraged
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if they don't. And if you're anything like me, it's an all or nothing mentality. So I'm either
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a hundred percent or I'm zero percent. And if I get 97%, I hate that looks like a blemish rather than
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I got 97% of the things right. It looks like a blemish on my report card. And so I'd rather just burn
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the whole thing to the ground. And I think a lot of guys feel the same way. You know, you miss a workout
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or two, or you go on vacation and you don't get back to it, which is something I'm dealing with
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right now, trying to get back into the swing of things. It's, it's hard when you stumble.
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It's hard to get back up. So I think accepting the reality that, yeah, you're not going to get
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a hundred percent of the time. We should strive for a hundred percent, but it's just not going to
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happen. Uh, from there, just recommit to the process, you know, and if you have to start small
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momentum is a big factor, I know that going to the gym, for example, is easier when I went to
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the gym yesterday. And it's easier today. If I went for the last five days in a row, you know,
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when it's hard, when I haven't gone for two or three or four weeks, that first one back is the
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hardest thing to do. Same thing with jujitsu, same thing with eating correctly, same thing with
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managing your bank account, same thing with getting back from vacation and starting your business back
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up after being gone for a week and a half or two weeks. The first restart is the hardest. And we
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talked about running a race on a track last week. When are you the least efficient on the racetrack
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coming out of the starting block? You've got a bunch of stored energy and you're trying to
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position yourself in the starting block the correct way. So that when that gun fires, it's not quite
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there yet. Yeah. Yeah. You're working against everything at that point. You're working against
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friction. You're working against gravity. You're working against, like you said, the stride and
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the mechanics of the proper running form. Where it's most efficient is probably somewhere in the
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middle of the race. And this is anecdotal. I'm not saying I have evidence to support this, but
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anecdotally, I would say the middle of the race. We know why the start of the race is not as efficient
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as it could be. The middle of the race is when you're on pace. You found your pace. You're not
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redlining at that point, unless it's a short race, I suppose. And that's a different conversation,
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but you're not redlining. You've got your stride. You're, you're, you're, you're running and using
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the proper mechanics. You're not exhausted yet. The end of the race, you know, it's crunch time.
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It's like, okay, I've got a red line here. I'm exhausted already. I see the finish line and I'm
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going to sprint this last, whatever distance it is. But that middle of the race is where you're most
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efficient. And when you stop and get derailed, you're not in the middle of the race anymore.
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It's like you fell and you've got to get back up and start against all that's working against you.
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So if we acknowledge it for what it is and realize this is inefficient at this point,
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but then focus on building up the momentum to get to that efficiency, I think that will help easier.
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And this is a long way to answer this question. Sometimes it's just starting right there.
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What does Teddy Roosevelt says? Start with what you have, where you are,
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however you can do. I'm paraphrasing that from.
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But that's what you do. If it means today getting up and you're like, man, I can't go to the gym,
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but you know what? I can't do a hundred pushups by my bed. Then do the hundred pushups this morning.
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It's like, I can't get to the gym. I'm lazy. I'm tired. Okay. Maybe you ought to just eat right.
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Or maybe you ought to just worry about your water intake today and get that right. And then tomorrow
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you can build on that. Tomorrow you can build on that. The next day you can build on that.
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The only other thing, and I think we'd beat a dead horse and we talk a lot about this,
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but it's worth mentioning is getting back to the importance of why you're doing what you're doing.
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I don't want to come across as trite. I don't want to come across as just say,
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Oh, start with why? Cause that's what everybody says. Yeah. But let's be honest. If you're deeply
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connected to whatever the purpose of you doing that action is, then that will help you get through
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the challenging and difficult times that you're inevitably going to face when you're,
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when you're on your pursuit. And so true. Well, and I think where most guys fails is exactly in
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that space of like, Oh, I messed up today. And, and don't get me wrong. Like there's some power in
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a new day. And it's actually quite fascinating. I I've always thought that was interesting that as
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humans, and maybe it's by God's design or whatever it is, but there is a sense of renewal that comes with
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tomorrow. And, and why? Because I slept like, but for whatever reason there is, and, and that's
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refreshing for us. And, and maybe we should take advantage of it. But I would even say that, like,
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if you can break that down even further, do that, right? If you mess up at breakfast and you're like,
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man, I ate a bad breakfast, recommit right then to go, you know what? Rest of the day I'm, I'm eating,
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I'm eating better. Or I missed my workout this morning. Oh, you know what? I'm going to try to get
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out of the office early. I'm going to get a workout in at lunch or at, you know, before dinner, like
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don't give up even in the day, just because we make a mistake. Yeah. Recommit and try to get back
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on path. The sooner, the better. Don't wait for Monday. Worst case start tomorrow. But I would even
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argue there's not even a reason to wait until tomorrow. I think that's valuable advice. And maybe
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it's just manufacturing something like in your own mind, you think I've never really considered
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this, but as you bringing it up, maybe every hour is a new hour. And that instead of this is the start
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of the new day, this is the start of a new hour. I had a baseball coach, Matt Labrum. He's still a
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good friend of mine. He's over a couple of weeks ago here at my place. And he would say, you're only
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as good as your last at bat. Yeah. And what we would, what we tend to do a couple of things we tend
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to do one. We tend to rest on our laurels because we had a good at bat previously. And then if you
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do that, then you're going to break down in the mechanics of your swing and you're going to have
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a bad at bat. Or alternatively, you're going to have a bad at bat and think that you're a pile of
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shit when you're not. And you're going to use that to self-destruct and have another bad at bat.
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So you're only as good as your last at bat means take your last at bat, do whatever you can do to
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make that a success. And then at that point you have to chalk it up, not the lessons, but you have to
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chalk up the results. Like, Hey, I struck out. Yeah. You know, I think about that in regards to
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my, my marriage. It's harder because we're talking about life altering situations here.
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But the reality is, is I can just chalk that up at this point. That's not to say that I'm taking it
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lightly. It's not to say that I'm not trying to extract lessons that go into the rest of my life.
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But yeah, I messed those things up. I got to chalk that up. And now I got to drive on because I'm only
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as good as my last at bat, or I'm only as bad as my last at bat. And now today is something
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new and I can make something new in my life. Yeah. I really liked that manufactured idea.
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I really liked that a lot. Like I can't relate to baseball too much, but like in high school,
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I played tennis and that actually was my mindset. Hold on. Hold on.
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I'm reaching out to the other, the other group of guys that, uh, that didn't play baseball,
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that weren't athletic enough to play baseball. Tennis is great. They don't watch or listen to the
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order of man podcast. They're looking for the order of woman podcast. Yeah. There's no guys
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listening to play tennis. Help me out here guys. You know what? Flood, flood Ryan's DMs and criticize
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him for, uh, criticizing. Bring it on, bring it on. Like I'm not even, I'm not even worried in the,
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in the slightest. Can I try to use my analogy here though? I mean, it might be a chance here.
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So in a match, you have multiple games and that's how I always saw it. Right. It's like,
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if I lost that game 40 to love or 40 to 15 or whatever, it's like, all right, nothing I can do
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about it. This next game's mine. And, you know, and it was just the same equivalent. It's just a
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manufactured way to reset and recommit and show up differently, you know, literally 15 minutes later,
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you know, and it's like, we need to manufacture that in our lives. I like that idea of just,
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it's a new hour. Let's just be clear. The baseball analogy was a lot better proceed. Yeah. Yeah.
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All right. Patrick Cajon, how about dealing with the loss of a pet? I've almost felt heartless telling
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them to put him down after a brief illness, but he was not doing well. I now have to tell the rest of
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the family. It was my daughter's cat. She wanted when she was eight and she's now 20 and has been
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my shadow since I work out of my house a lot. I know this is not going to be easy on her and I
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want to shield her grief, but I want her to experience life and death. Okay. So I'm going
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to talk about the pet thing in a minute, but I'm going to talk about the underlying principle of
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leadership here first. One thing that's going to happen if you make decisions this way, and again,
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whether it's pet related or anything else related is that you're not going to have buy-in from the
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people that you're trying to lead and you become the villain because you made a decision that they
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may or may not have agreed with. And they're not going to buy into that decision. They're going to
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have to deal with the repercussions with no say or involvement in the process. Right. And then you
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look like the dick. So she's 20 years old. I hope barring some other circumstances I'm not aware of,
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she's fully capable of compliment, comprehending what's happening here. So you need to talk with
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her, not to her. There's a distinction. You need to talk to her as you talking to her or at her
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with her as open dialogue and conversation. Hey, hon, you know, little, little fur baller here,
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whatever, you know, we've had for 12 years and she's been a great cat. She's been a great member
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of the family, but she's not doing well. I think, you know, that here's a couple options, but I really
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care about your input. So what do you think we should do here? I would think that she's probably
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going to come up with the same conclusion that you are, but let her make that decision. Now,
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the only reason you wouldn't do that is because, you know, it'll be hard for her. Yeah. Well, welcome
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to life. You know, we all have to make difficult decisions. If it wasn't, it would be weird,
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but we all have to make difficult decisions, uh, and sparing our people in this case, your daughter
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from making a difficult decision and shielding her from that is not doing her any service.
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So talk with her, explain the situation, let her present the idea, which I'm pretty sure that's
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will happen. And, and then, you know, you can figure out the best way to go from it,
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from there. As far as, man, as far as losing a pet, this sucks. I mean, we left, we, we lost,
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uh, several years ago, the best dog I ever had Sarge and what an incredible dog, incredible dog.
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You met Sarge. And you know, one, one day, uh, he was acting very strange, almost walking around the
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house. Like he was stumbling, like he was drunk almost. And then we all went to bed and usually
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Sarge would jump up in my oldest son's bed and he jumped up in the bed. And then my oldest son came
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in somewhere in the night and said, Hey, you know, he's not like something's wrong. I'm sorry. He's
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not moving. Or he's, I told him to get down and he wouldn't. And I went in there and he was locked
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up. Like he wouldn't move. I had to pick him up and he's a big dog. I had to pick him up and move him.
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And he couldn't move his work, work, his back legs at the next morning. I had to bring him
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downstairs and put him outside and to see him try to go to the bathroom outside. It was like,
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he had to force himself to do that. Uh, so we took him into the, into the clinic, the vet and the vet
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didn't know what was going on. I thought it was neurological, but I thought it was probably maybe
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a tick, an illness from a tick. Cause there was a lot of ticks in Maine and that happens.
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So the vet said, Hey, you know, you need to take this dog down to the animal hospital in Portland. So
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brought him down there and long story short, inoperable brain tumor just wrapped around his,
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his, his brain and had, had a lot of conversations about what that looked like. Now my son was younger
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than your 20 year old at the time, but had a lot of conversations with him and the rest of the family
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about the way that this has to go down. And we were all there, you know, I, I was in the room.
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Uh, my ex-wife is in the room. My oldest son, his dog was in the room and we thought maybe we
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shouldn't have him in the room, but no, it made sense for him to be there to say goodbye and go
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through that process. Although it was hard. And then they said, you know, uh, uh, would you like
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us to take care of the remains of the dog? I said, no, I'll bring him home. And I made, I made sure
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that my oldest son helped me dig that dog's grave because it's a, it's not like I could have gone and
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done it by myself. And I would have felt a whole lot better about it because I felt like I was
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shielding him, the emotional trauma of having to do it himself, but it's part of the process.
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And it's a way to say goodbye. And he was involved from all the way through the entire,
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you know, span of the dog's life, including his death. And, and from there conversations,
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you know, have a lot of open conversations about memories and we've got pictures. And I had,
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fortunately I had a couple of great people that follow the podcast, offer to do artwork.
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So we've got artwork of the dog, you know, so I don't know if that helps, but that's,
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that was our, our last experience and it will happen again, but that was our last experience.
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Yeah. That's great. All right, Kevin Booby. What, if anything, do you intend to add to the
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IC experience to increase the value members receive? I have a lot of high caliber men have
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been leaving once the new car personnel is gone and much more offered, uh, than the BT relationships,
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which are most conducted over the phone and not on mighty networks. And I think, I think if you don't
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mind me adding to Kevin's question, you know, one of the things that I talk about, uh, quite a bit
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when we, when we talk about leveling up with battle team leaders is number one reason guys join the
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council accountability. Number one thing that guys ask for more of is accountability. And, and maybe
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even your viewpoint of kind of even preparing guys to join the iron council that might be listening
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that say, Hey, right. I want accountability. And then they show up and get a little bit of it and
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go, Oh, you know, this is uncomfortable. Cause I think that's part of the new car smell too,
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is that I'm just not going to join some group and I'm going to be caused to change without
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effort on my part and everything else. So anyhow. Yeah. Well, my, when you first asked the question,
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my, my first response is what are you going to do about it? Yeah. And I'm going to look,
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by the way, I'm going to answer the question in the spirit that it was asked, but that's actually
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a really important question. And we hear questions like this all the time. Don't we kid, not just about
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the iron council about life, like, Oh, my work environment's miserable. What should, what my bosses
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aren't doing what I think they should. What could my boss do to make it better? Yeah. And granted,
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look, two things can exist simultaneously. Your boss could do a lot more at work to make it better,
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or your wife could do a lot more in the relationship to improve the dynamic of the
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relationship that can be true. And also simultaneously. So can you. Yeah. And we should
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constantly be striving to do our part so that we can improve our environment. So my question for you
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and the iron council is, what are you going to do with that? Have you asked that? And what I mean
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by that is, are you doing the battle plan a hundred percent? Are you getting on your team
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calls a hundred percent of the time? Are you sticking to your goals and getting a hundred
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percent on your numbers? Are you doing the vision work? Are you doing the monthly assignments? Are you
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doing the monthly topics? Are you going to the calls that are the one-off calls that different
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members do? James Percival did one on finding a battle team the other day. Alan did one on building
00:17:10.420
better habits, uh, just last week. And it was amazing. There's so much there that if you did
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that a hundred percent of what was already there, that question, I think at that point becomes a lot
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less relevant because you're doing a hundred percent with what's currently there. So that's what I would
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say first is why don't you show me what you're doing? And then we'll talk about the rest of that
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question. Cause if we're not getting a hundred percent in our life, and again, I think about a
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relationship, if you're not getting a hundred percent in your relationship goals, before you
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ask her to change, figure out what you can do a hundred percent better and see if that doesn't
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change the dynamic of the relationship. Now I hear it. I already hear it. People are like,
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well, right. I mean, yeah, but if she doesn't change, yes, she might not. We don't know.
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She might not respond favorably. You working your butt off at work more so than you have in the past
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might not get your boss to change, but don't you want to know that?
00:18:07.900
Yeah. And aren't you better off anyway? Of course you are. Of course you are. Yeah. So
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do all of that 100% and then see if that improves your experience, whatever experience that we're
00:18:21.560
talking about. That's number one. Totally. Can I suggest something really quick or a wrench in your
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comment and not a wrench, maybe propose maybe some additional thoughts from you is what, and I mean,
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Kevin, you're not saying this, I get that, but like what Kevin might say or other people might say is,
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but Ryan, that's not my job, right? Like my job, my boss should be doing X and my job is to do Y.
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And you're telling me I should be doing X that I should be, but that's not my responsibility.
00:18:52.640
Yeah. And, and thus, thus I shouldn't have to do those things.
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Well, two things with that. I'm glad you brought that up. Number one, you don't have to,
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nobody's telling you have to, I think the only times you can say that I have to do this
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is because you're either going to end up dead or somebody you love is going to end up dead because
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you don't do it outside of that. You have a choice in everything. And I'm not saying free of
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consequences just because it's a tough choice, but you don't have to do anything. You don't have to
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engage with your relationship. You don't have to pour into your business. You don't have to invest
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in the iron council. Nobody's telling you have to, we're just telling you, if you do life might
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improve for you. So let's get that one off the table right now. But as far as the not my responsibility,
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it's not your responsibility. If you don't care about the results, but if you care about the results,
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then you're damn right. It's your responsibility. Like if you care about your work, if you care about your
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work environment, if you care about your employees, if you care about the people around you, for you to
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say, well, you know, that's not my responsibility, then you don't care about your goals. If you're in
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your marriage and your wife's not treating you the way you think you deserve to be treated, but you realize
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you're showing up 70% of the way you could show up to say, it's not my responsibility is an
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abdication of responsibility. It's an abdication of your, your, your, your commitments. And look, I always
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have to throw this disclaimer out here. I'm not perfect on this stuff, but I'm trying to face
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reality the way that it is. And the reality is, is that I don't show up a hundred percent of the
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time, but I don't have the right to want more. And then to simultaneously say, but it's not my
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responsibility. If I want more, it absolutely is my responsibility. But if I don't care about it,
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then I can chalk it up to not my responsibility. But again, we have to wrap our heads around the concept
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that two things can exist simultaneously at work. It can be my responsibility as an employee.
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And it can also be my bosses or leadership's responsibility. We often hear with relationships,
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it's not 50, 50, it's 100, 100. I believe that it is my responsibility. And also it's somebody else's
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response. We can both share the responsibility. We're not even sharing. We're both taking 100%
00:20:59.420
of the responsibility. So, and when we, Oh, good. Nope, you're good. Go. I just want to finish on the
00:21:05.400
thought with the spirit of the question, because I am going to answer the spirit of the question.
00:21:09.400
I just want to make sure we're reframing this a little bit in a way that I believe has served me
00:21:14.200
better in my life. Although it's been more challenging at times than just to waive my
00:21:18.200
responsibility away. But I do want to answer the question, the spirit in which it was asked,
00:21:22.640
which I will get to. Got it. No, go ahead. Finish. You're good.
00:21:26.280
So as far as the spirit of the question, man, you and I just had a great conversation kit before we
00:21:32.220
hit record on this about developing leadership development program. We've got an overcoming
00:21:35.980
pornography course that's available to our council members. I got a call on Wednesday or Thursday of
00:21:41.740
this week with a good friend, Tanner Guzzi, who focuses on man's presence and persona and their
00:21:46.560
style. He's going to be putting together a course. I have a good friend, Keith Yacke. He's putting
00:21:50.640
together a course on building a more powerful, more rich, fulfilled marriage. Johnny Loretty,
00:21:56.800
my fitness instructor and nutritionist is putting together a course on nutrition.
00:22:00.520
These things will all be available. The other thing is I'm starting to do more lives where I just jump
00:22:06.600
on sporadically and randomly and talk about issues that the guys in the iron council want to talk about.
00:22:11.820
That's going to be something that comes online. We're also going to be releasing the podcast,
00:22:16.980
the interview podcast, unedited and raw to our iron council members before it goes public.
00:22:23.200
So you'll have, and that's not as important, the raw unedited version, because there's not a whole
00:22:27.840
lot of changes that go into our podcast, unless maybe a guest has something to request, right?
00:22:32.740
Yeah. But, but there's not really a whole lot of like editing and fine tuning, hardly any at all.
00:22:38.980
But what you will get in that is you'll get before the, the pre interview, if you will,
00:22:45.080
and the post interview. And over eight years of doing this, I've realized that some of the best
00:22:50.300
advice I've ever received or gotten from podcast guests is before I hit record or after I stopped
00:22:57.540
So that's not, that's a thing of the past. Iron council members will have access to that.
00:23:02.100
So there are things that we're implementing and we're going to continue to push and move the needle
00:23:05.620
and try new things in addition to what's already there. So be on the lookout for those things.
00:23:13.280
I love it. I love it. That's a lot in the mix, man. I love it. And Kevin, thanks for letting us,
00:23:17.760
you know, you know, spin your question, you know, and, and, and talk really about taking some
00:23:23.700
ownership over, over our lives as, as, you know, as part of his question around, uh, growth in the
00:23:30.420
IC. So I like it. Okay. I think there's something on that just to mention very quickly is, and that
00:23:36.880
was Kevin, right? Yes. Yeah. I don't think Kevin will, but I just want to throw this out here because
00:23:42.380
sometimes I've had guys take things personally when I suggest I don't, I don't ever, I don't
00:23:47.640
think less of anybody when they ask questions that I spin a little bit or give a different
00:23:51.700
perspective. And it's not even an indictment. Hell, it's not even a question you may be asking.
00:23:55.880
Like you may be fully on board with what we're saying, right? I don't know. So I don't ever
00:24:00.680
want guys to think like, Oh, this is an indictment against you and you're an idiot. And I used to have
00:24:04.900
that attitude. I don't have that attitude anymore. Um, I just, we're just, what we're trying to do is
00:24:09.340
we're trying to take your singular question and broaden it out as wide as we can go so that we can
00:24:14.000
serve as many men as possible. So although in Kevin's instance, he might not, that might not
00:24:18.460
have anything to do with what he was thinking, but I guarantee there's thousands, if not tens of
00:24:23.220
thousands of people who will listen to this podcast in the coming days and weeks that have the mentality
00:24:29.300
that we talked about. So what I would like to suggest is Kevin, because you had the balls to ask
00:24:33.660
the question, you now have served other men because you got the conversation started that we wouldn't
00:24:39.840
have otherwise have. So guys, like, and, and also there's no point to taking anything personally
00:24:44.820
in life, even if it's personal, learn what you can ask yourself. It's if it's objectively true
00:24:50.520
and helpful, take what you want and that's life. Yep. I like it. All right. We're going to hop over
00:24:57.520
to some questions from Facebook. Uh, join us there. Facebook.com slash group slash order of man,
00:25:02.760
Eric Tyler. Hey guys, I'm sorry if this has been discussed before on the podcast, but as someone who
00:25:07.660
is currently unhappy with my career, I've decided that I would like to go back to school. The only
00:25:13.260
problem is that I can't choose on if I want to go to a trade school for carpentry or a typical
00:25:18.800
four-year college for business. Any advice? I appreciate everything that you are doing. God bless.
00:25:24.400
Okay. A couple of things. Number one, don't apologize and then do what you say you're sorry for.
00:25:28.960
Yeah. So you don't need to be sorry for asking. It's a good question. We don't need,
00:25:34.800
there's no need to be sorry about that. You're asking a solid question.
00:25:37.680
I'm sure we've addressed things like this before, but you haven't heard it. So you don't need to
00:25:40.560
apologize. Yeah. And it gives us an opportunity to talk about number two, be careful of, uh,
00:25:45.580
either or fallacies or false dichotomies. Should I go to trade school or should I go to more
00:25:51.980
traditional four-year round? As in those are the only two options available and they're not,
00:25:57.880
there's an infinite number of possibilities available. For example, I don't know what you do
00:26:02.120
for work. Does he suggest what he does for work? He doesn't. No, I don't know what you do for
00:26:06.980
work, but you might, you might have a great employer or a great organization you're working
00:26:13.020
with. Maybe the culture is amazing. Maybe you're getting paid well, but you don't like the specific
00:26:17.100
work. Maybe there's an opportunity for a lateral move or a vertical move, hopefully up, not down.
00:26:23.280
Or you, or you like the work, but you don't like where you're, who you're with or the company that
00:26:30.180
you're working for. And now you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater because it's not
00:26:34.680
enjoyable. Yeah. Right. And we're only bringing this up as an, as an option or something else to
00:26:39.620
explore. I've also seen companies who, if you like the work to some degree, and you said you don't
00:26:43.860
like the work. I know you said that, but we're just trying to get to the root of what you might mean
00:26:47.880
by that. But there's even organizations that I've seen that will be willing to pay for credentialing
00:26:52.240
and extra schooling. If, if, if you're more interested in, in that line of work, but moving
00:26:58.000
up the chain of command where they'll actually pour and invest into you. I don't know if that's
00:27:02.200
available, but those are opportunities, other opportunities. You know, when I hear you talk
00:27:07.140
about it, it almost sounds like, Hey, I'm going to quit and go to trade school, or I'm going to quit.
00:27:10.880
And I'm going to go to a four-year college, you know, course or router degree. Maybe that's
00:27:16.040
the route for you. I don't know, but maybe there's an opportunity for you to continue to
00:27:20.080
work while you do this in the evenings or in the mornings. And you pick up a couple of classes
00:27:24.360
and you try to figure out what it is you're interested in before you just burn the boats.
00:27:28.760
And I know that's popular in a self-development space, but I've got a family. I've got responsibilities
00:27:33.840
for me just to burn everything to the ground because I want to go, you know, find myself like
00:27:37.920
that's not a possibility for me right now. So yeah, I think there's some other avenues to
00:27:44.580
explore. Now, with regards to your question, here's what I can't tell you what you should do.
00:27:49.680
Nobody can, but here's a little exercise that I think might help you. If you were to fast forward
00:27:55.920
your life, let's say 15 years, 20 years, looking back on your life now, which decision will you be
00:28:05.800
grateful and glad that you made? So again, looking ahead to your life, 15, 20 years, and then looking
00:28:11.500
back on it currently where you're making this decision, which decision would the future you
00:28:16.140
be happy, grateful, and fulfilled that you made? That's a really, really powerful exercise because
00:28:21.860
it allows you to see things outside of the current reality. The current reality is financially related,
00:28:29.260
emotionally related. You might feel like a quitter if you leave, you might put your family in some
00:28:35.180
financial hardship initially. If you do this, there's a lot of stuff that's present. And I'm not saying
00:28:40.680
it's unimportant. Many of those factors are very, very important right now. But this exercise allows
00:28:46.940
you to make a decision or at least consider a decision without all the current extra baggage
00:28:53.440
that you have right now. And that exercise has been really, really valuable for myself and also
00:28:59.340
valuable for a lot of guys that ask very similar questions of what he's asking right now.
00:29:02.840
Totally. Totally. Well, and I mean, there's so many things to consider here, right? Like when I,
00:29:09.660
whenever I hear go back, you know, four-year college degree in business, I always say, what does that
00:29:15.140
mean? Like, what does that translate to as a job for you? Because that's the other thing. And I'm saying
00:29:21.240
this about Eric, but how often do we, we get people that are like, well, I'll get educated and then,
00:29:27.120
and then just work will happen for me. Right. And it's like, well, how does that translate to a skill
00:29:33.000
that's valuable? And what's the long-term play here? Back to your point, Ryan, will you like
00:29:38.380
carpentry? Do you know that? Oh no. Well, I just thought, you know, it's like, well, what if you
00:29:43.820
don't like that either? Right. So there's a bunch of things here that like flush out in regards to what,
00:29:49.860
what, I don't know, you enjoy, what do you like doing? Is the business degree really to start
00:29:56.000
your own carpentry business as well as like, you know, and, and, and Eric's probably already
00:30:01.500
evaluating this, but like the trades, the demand for skill sets in that area is skyrocketing.
00:30:07.820
Right. And so, you know, what's happening in the market, where are jobs going? Do you want to own
00:30:14.140
your own business in the future? If that's the case is your probability of getting into that market
00:30:19.400
as a trade is a lot higher. Like there's lots of things that consider above and beyond just,
00:30:24.020
you know, college degree versus trade school. I'm not sure if that helps probably adds more
00:30:29.240
anxiety. That's exactly what I was thinking. I'm like, so basically the answer that we have for
00:30:33.480
you on this is we don't know, but here's a bunch of other shit to worry about to make the decision
00:30:39.520
harder. Good luck. Yeah. It's probably true. I mean, that's the reality of it is like, we don't know,
00:30:46.860
but here are some different considerations and maybe you can start looking at it in a different way
00:30:52.540
that might help you come to a better conclusion for yourself. Because I can't tell you what you
00:30:57.380
should do, but there's some factors to consider. I think what you said was really helpful about
00:31:02.060
like, is this going to, if you go, are you going to like it? Is that going to lead to a job? Where
00:31:07.340
are careers going? Where's technology going? Those are factors that I think are really important to
00:31:11.700
consider in these decisions. Yeah. Well, and, and I can't help, but, but hear the unhappy in my career
00:31:18.320
thing, you know, and once again, right, we're spinning you, your, your question, Eric, but how
00:31:23.620
often do guys have opportunities placed before them right now? Like I, I could probably do this
00:31:31.780
right now, Ryan, I could probably think in my life right now, my current situation, how many
00:31:37.780
opportunities of growth I have that I'm not executing on. I could, I could level up in a particular
00:31:44.520
skill set. I could tackle something that I'm not tackling today within my job. I could take
00:31:49.680
advantage of opportunities that, that Ryan would probably be willing to give me, but I'm not
00:31:54.960
maximizing them. How many, yeah, yeah, maybe, but how many things are left on the table that we're not
00:32:02.260
magnifying. And, and so make sure that wherever you are right now, that you're magnifying it, that the
00:32:10.080
job that you have right now that you're quote unquote unhappy with, maybe what you need to do is figure
00:32:15.380
out why you're unhappy about it. And maybe it's about trying to be happy where you are. So you can show
00:32:22.480
up powerfully and grow with whatever you have. And I think once again, it's not, it's agnostic to the
00:32:29.840
question. Can we all do that and grow where we are without a doubt? And we, without a doubt, we should, while
00:32:36.580
also preparing for what the future looks like, just don't pass up opportunities that are placed
00:32:41.400
before us. Yeah. Well, only, only little point of exception to that is I would, I was gonna say
00:32:50.200
I'd caution, I would caution, but I don't think I would caution. I don't like the idea of like,
00:32:54.560
you just try to be happy with where you are right now or what you're doing. I, and I don't think you
00:32:58.720
were totally saying that, but I think some people could interpret it that way. I'd rather say to you,
00:33:02.920
why don't you worry about being more fulfilled and fulfillment comes from achieving and honoring
00:33:10.840
our responsibilities. And we don't do that a hundred percent. Now I'm not saying you don't
00:33:17.680
do that. I'm saying we, all of us don't do that a hundred percent. And this goes back to our previous
00:33:21.800
question. If we do that 100% at that point, it's kind of like, I don't know, an analogy. I'm trying
00:33:29.520
to think of it now, like, like in a, like a video game, you know, you have to get a certain point
00:33:33.920
before you unlock the next level. And to me, if you're operating at 70%, I don't care if you call
00:33:39.880
it God, karma, the universe, whatever the muse, if you don't, if you don't get a hundred percent,
00:33:47.800
you don't unlock the next level. Like if you're operating at 70%, you really don't have room to
00:33:54.340
complain about like, I'm not happy or I'm not fulfilled or I'm not achieving what I want to achieve.
00:33:59.520
I think I'd be happier, more fulfilled somewhere else. That might be true, but we actually don't
00:34:03.620
know because you're not operating at a hundred percent yet. If you do it at a hundred percent,
00:34:08.460
two things are going to happen. You're going to find more fulfillment where you currently are,
00:34:11.600
or you're going to walk away from where you currently are with a clean conscience, because
00:34:17.300
you know, you were doing 100%, whether it was a relationship, a business venture, your finances,
00:34:23.920
your fitness. I mean, how many guys bounce around on a fitness program? It didn't work.
00:34:27.260
Well, did you follow it to the letter? No. Cause I was busy with work and like,
00:34:31.780
you know, the guy said to go in four days a week, but I went in, you know, two and I didn't do all
00:34:36.500
the workouts. Cause I don't really like those ones. And then I asked kind of laxed at night,
00:34:40.460
but like, I just need to do something different. Cause this isn't working. No, you're not working.
00:34:45.640
It's not the program. It's you. So make sure you're working before you say the program's not.
00:34:50.960
Totally. Totally. All right. Joseph Medeiros. I am an only child. My parents have settled for a life
00:35:01.540
of complacency. Recently, they got kicked out of their rental for not paying rent during COVID.
00:35:07.380
I already know where this is going with my grandparents.
00:35:12.400
I think what he's going to ask is how do I, how do I get my parents to like get their shit together?
00:35:27.300
Okay. What do I do about my parents? I've talked to them multiple times about living a meaningful
00:35:32.260
life. I can't help, but feel being the only child that I'm somewhat responsible for their actions.
00:35:41.580
I watched the guardian the other night with Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner.
00:35:49.940
No, but it's like, they're like firefighters or something, right?
00:35:58.480
Yeah. Yeah. That's right. I know what movie you're talking about, but I haven't seen it.
00:36:00.640
You should watch it. Any man should watch it. It's really good. Really good.
00:36:05.660
And Ashton Kutcher asked Kevin Costner, like, how do you know who to save? And Kevin Costner says,
00:36:16.140
I come to the first one and I save them and I go back out and I say, and I go back out and say that.
00:36:22.280
And when I can't do any more, the sea takes the rest. Like all you can do is swim as hard as you
00:36:29.020
can. And at some point the sea is going to take the rest. And that's so hard. We're talking about
00:36:36.100
your parents, man. That's what makes this question hard because if it was just some random person,
00:36:41.500
you'd be like, yeah, that guy needs to get his act together, man. I mean, I wish he would, but I
00:36:46.620
don't, I can't do any of that. He's got to really do it. And then you, and then you see it in the context of
00:36:50.500
someone you love and you know, the answer, but because it's somebody you're so committed to or
00:36:55.820
so loyal to, or so obligated to, because they raised you. I hear that one a lot that you owe
00:37:01.300
them something. You don't, you don't know. And that's not true. I'll take that back. You do owe
00:37:06.620
them something. You owe them 100% of your effort, but you do not owe them results of their own life.
00:37:14.820
And you, even on the a hundred percent effort, there's a caveat to that. They have to, and I've said this,
00:37:19.640
they have to be willing to participate in the rescue. And if they're not going to participate in
00:37:24.580
the rescue, man, as painful as it is to see people you love make bad decisions. And I have people like
00:37:29.600
that in my life. I got to go serve somebody else. And look, I'm going to keep the door open. It's like
00:37:35.800
the prodigal son, you know, he leaves and he goes out and he sows his oats and he comes back. And what
00:37:40.940
does the dad do? He runs to his son and embraces his son. He doesn't, doesn't chase him. He lets him
00:37:47.960
do his life. He lets him learn his experiences. He lets him go through hardship and he prays over
00:37:52.680
his son. And he thinks about and contemplates what his son is going through. And the minute his son
00:37:57.200
returns, he doesn't close the gate and say, oh, well, you know, all those years. No, he opens the
00:38:01.900
gate and he sees him coming from his tower and he runs down his house and he meets him in the lane
00:38:07.160
and embraces him as a father. And that might be a situation you have right here. You've done
00:38:12.360
everything that you can do. You've shared, you've probably given financial resources.
00:38:17.140
You've, you've talked with them about it. And at this point, I don't know. I don't know the
00:38:22.580
ramifications or all the intricacies of your situation, but at this point they're adults and
00:38:27.260
they need to make those decisions, but you should remain open, an open door policy, but you don't step
00:38:33.240
out anymore. You have to allow them to step in. That's all you can do. Totally.
00:38:38.240
And by the way, you probably have your own family to worry about. Yeah. Right. Like,
00:38:42.860
I don't know if he's married. I don't know if he has kids. It doesn't actually doesn't matter if
00:38:47.020
he does. Like you have other responsibilities you have to take care of. So make sure you're
00:38:51.100
not exerting all this energy on somebody who doesn't appreciate it or is ever going to implement
00:38:54.620
it so that you can pour fully into the people who are like, Hey dad, look at me. Hey, you know,
00:39:00.420
husband, look at me. I was really guilty of this over the past couple of years. And I wish I would
00:39:05.660
have done it differently and I am going to do it differently and am currently doing it differently
00:39:08.660
now, but I want to pour into them. Totally. You know, Joseph, the, the one tactic or I just,
00:39:16.260
I guess my share around how I've changed my mindset around this and it's applicable to all things,
00:39:21.760
right? So if we're talking about, um, an employee, that's not fulfilling the roles and responsibilities
00:39:28.660
of a position, right? Or your parents aren't showing up how you think they should, or a friend
00:39:33.740
isn't showing up how they think they should or whatever the mindset is we need to, the way we
00:39:39.380
change our mindset is understanding human behavior. And, and, and there's a big difference between,
00:39:45.340
between me coercing, shaming, blaming, manipulating Ryan into doing something that I think is good for
00:39:52.120
him versus Ryan choosing what's best for him. And, and one comes with commitment, change and
00:39:59.180
transformation. The other one comes with, well, I'm just only doing this to get him off my back.
00:40:04.580
And that's not a long-term strategy anyway. Could, could we get your parents to make some
00:40:11.260
changes? You could, you could probably stonewall them. You could probably withhold your love and
00:40:15.860
your affection for him. And there's all kinds of things that we could do to manipulate the situation
00:40:20.380
maybe, but it's all out of what reason. And that's, that's not what's going to move the needle.
00:40:26.720
And, and to be frank, that's not how adults work, right? We need to come to those conclusions on
00:40:32.460
their own. They need to learn on their own. We can support them, but that's, that's how you make
00:40:37.180
change. So like from an example of like an employee that's not executing, my job as a leader is to
00:40:43.300
identify what winning looks like, what's expected of them and ask if they will commit to doing it and
00:40:49.920
how I can support them. But if they go, yeah, you know what, Ryan, I'm not, you know, it's not for me
00:40:54.520
or I'm not in, then it's done. And, and that's, and we got to treat them that way. And your parents
00:40:59.760
are no different. You can support them in it, but the way you get rid of your mindset of the way
00:41:04.160
they should or should not be is getting really present to the idea that this is for them to
00:41:09.140
learn and grow from. And if they choose to learn and grow in their certain circumstance and not be
00:41:15.360
complacency in their, have complacency in their life, that's their decision. And they're just maybe not
00:41:21.940
there yet. And it is what it is. And, and let go of the expectation that you, that you have of what
00:41:27.900
they should or should not do. Now it's okay to have an opinion that like they would be better off
00:41:33.180
so we can support them, but you know, support them in making that decision on their own is,
00:41:38.860
is the proper approach. Yeah, I agree. All right. Tony Simon, hello, men. When you lose yourself
00:41:47.660
and leave your path, what actions or resources do you use to get back on track? For example,
00:41:53.720
I have had a running routine and I was on a diet to do other commitments and I had stopped. And now
00:41:59.040
I'm having trouble being consistent with exercise and diet. Same thing for journaling and reading.
00:42:04.060
Thank you very much for what you do. Kind of similar to that question earlier.
00:42:07.580
Yeah. I feel like we had maybe anything that you would add. Okay. I, again, first step figuring out
00:42:13.060
why journaling or why are you doing that? Yeah. Like, are you doing that because somebody told
00:42:18.380
you it was a good idea to do it? Or are you doing it because you're not? Yeah. Is there real value
00:42:23.420
to it for you? If there is, then you should probably continue, continue doing that. If somebody else
00:42:27.120
told you to do it, I don't think that's a reason to sustain it. I think that actually could be a
00:42:31.240
reason to try it because somebody credible in your life says, Hey, I've been journaling and it's been
00:42:35.400
amazing and you should try it. That's actually for me, that's reason enough to be like, Oh yeah,
00:42:38.940
well, I trust that guy. He's having success. I think I'll give that a try and I'll ask him a few more
00:42:42.520
questions about how to make it effective for me, but it's not a reason to continue something.
00:42:47.020
You actually have to find value and it has to be driving your life forward. It has to be serving
00:42:51.080
you in some way. We do this with hobbies a lot. I mean, you and I talk about jujitsu quite often.
00:42:56.520
So it's like, well, man, order, man, I got to do jujitsu. Why? Because I said, or because Kip said,
00:43:01.680
that's not a good, that's a good reason to try it. Yeah. What do you mean? Because Kip's a black belt.
00:43:07.600
So you got to listen to black belts. Yeah. Listen. Um, so yeah, get back
00:43:12.500
to the root of why you're doing it. And then we've got our 12 week battle planners. This is
00:43:17.500
what I use, you know, so you can pick that out at the store. It's, uh, where's it at? Order of man.com
00:43:24.460
slash T W B P as in 12 week battle planner. I use this religiously. This is what I use every single
00:43:31.420
day. I already went through and did everything today that I need to do. Um, and I'll check it off
00:43:35.120
as I get it done. Um, and outside of that, maybe start again with the consistency in something small.
00:43:41.220
So I think it's the same question basically. And I hope that first one told you.
00:43:45.360
Well, and, and Tony in the IC right now, we're, we're deep diving into atomic habits,
00:43:49.920
that book. And so maybe as a resource, just cause it's fresh on my mind from our discussions
00:43:54.740
internally that, um, you know, look at some resources, look at changing habits,
00:43:58.940
make sure you make them easy. There's a bunch of resources from that perspective.
00:44:03.420
Well, and that even with a bit of bias, that actually might be something to consider because in
00:44:06.960
August, not August, in September, we're opening up the iron council again, and maybe just having
00:44:11.980
people around you with a system in place is enough of a, you know, a jolt like the defibrillator,
00:44:17.700
you know, let me jolt you out of this because there's some accountability and you have a new
00:44:20.840
system to run on that might help too. Yep. Yep. All right. Corey Brenton, my 15 year old son
00:44:27.420
just tonight saw one of his friends have a really bad accident. He didn't die, but severely hurt.
00:44:33.020
My son was first and the only one on the scene for a while. He called 911, applied emergency care,
00:44:38.040
kept pressure on the wounds and kept his friend awake to avoid any shock until EMTs arrived.
00:44:43.640
Here's my question outside of listening to my son and being there for him, getting him to see a
00:44:47.920
counselor. Is there anything else I should be doing to help him work through this? I understand that
00:44:53.320
you nor Kip are mental health counselors. I'm just wondering from the father's aspect,
00:44:58.260
what am I missing or needing to do? Thanks for your input. And thanks for the great podcast as
00:45:02.820
always trying to help us all get better. I mean, the first thing I hear in that is that a 15 year
00:45:08.480
old called the police. He sounds like he was calm, cool and collected. He applied pressure. He stayed
00:45:13.480
with the victim who was a friend that sounded like, um, and he got the job done. Proud dad moment right
00:45:20.360
there. What an amazing, amazing young man that he can have the emotional and mental presence to be
00:45:26.520
able to keep his cool enough to do what he needed to do. I don't know if that's training you've given
00:45:30.700
him or encouraged to do or something else, but man, you guys ought to be proud of that for sure.
00:45:35.220
To Kip's point. Totally. I think you're doing everything. That's the hard thing is, is sometimes
00:45:40.680
the results don't come as fast as we would like, or we want to make sure we're not missing any bases.
00:45:46.180
And it doesn't sound like you are to me. The only thing I would add, and I imagine just based on the
00:45:50.780
brief question that you asked here is that you're just there and you're present and it, and it
00:45:56.680
probably, it doesn't even revolve around working through this specific acute instance that he's
00:46:03.360
dealing with. It's just being there and present. So it might be, Hey, bud, let's go play baseball.
00:46:08.580
One thing my kids have told me, my two oldest kids is sometimes when I have a serious conversation,
00:46:13.420
I, I, and I don't do this deliberately, but I asked them in a position that they feel like they
00:46:20.520
can't escape from it. Like I might do it in the car when they're stuck with me, you know? And I'm
00:46:25.300
like, Oh, every time we're in the car, dad wants to have this deep, deep, you know, dive conversation
00:46:29.840
into something and they can't leave because they're stuck in the car. So that's not creating a real warm
00:46:35.720
environment for them to be able to open up and share and be honest about what all of us are dealing with.
00:46:40.900
So I have to work on that personally. Uh, and that means that sometimes I'm not going to have a deep
00:46:48.260
discussion on what's going on. I'm just going to ask about football or baseball. Hey, let's go play
00:46:53.600
catch or we have a basketball hoop. Hey, let's go play basketball. And I'm not doing it as a ploy to
00:46:58.520
talk. I'm doing it as a ploy to just be there and be present with my kids. And if they want to talk
00:47:04.580
about their favorite basketball player, cool. My second son loves shoes. So if he wants to talk about
00:47:10.500
this new pair of shoes he's trying to save money for cool, we can talk about that. If he wants to
00:47:15.500
talk about girls or wants to talk about, uh, what it's like going through living in two different
00:47:20.260
households, we could talk about that. I just leave it open and I don't need to steer the conversation.
00:47:24.220
I just need to be part of it. And that's, that's, that's something I'm working on. I can't tell you
00:47:30.040
I'm great at that, but that is something I'm working on and something that I haven't always been
00:47:33.440
really good at. So that's what I, that's what I'm trying to do. That might, that might help you a
00:47:37.680
little bit. I like it. Austin Chamberlain, what are some good tips to start a business? I'm looking
00:47:44.000
to start a firearm instruction business and have much to learn about the business aspect.
00:47:49.840
Yeah. I mean, hiring coaches is a big component of this, like hiring people who are successful.
00:47:53.780
Too often we overlook that. We think that we can do it on our own and you're smart,
00:47:57.240
you're intelligent. You could probably do it on your own. You could figure a lot of stuff out.
00:48:00.580
You could watch what other firearm companies are doing. You could do that and be fairly
00:48:05.580
successful, but it's going to take longer and it's going to cost more to do it that way.
00:48:10.140
But what if you could invest into a qualified mentor or coach who could help you with the
00:48:14.360
business aspect of it? And yeah, it's hard because you're swallowing this big out-of-pocket
00:48:18.960
cost, but they're going to expedite the timeframe and they're going to help you get results and
00:48:23.140
income that much quicker. So look at all the other advice you're going to get. I would say that
00:48:29.000
if you can find a qualified coach or mentor that can help you build this kind of business,
00:48:33.460
that would be worth its weight in gold and something far too many people overlook.
00:48:37.920
The other thing I would say about business, and I can't give you all the answers here just because
00:48:41.380
of time constraints, and I don't have all the answers myself, is you need to start getting good
00:48:45.800
at marketing and you need to use social media as a tool to be able to do it, especially with
00:48:50.720
firearms content. It's pretty hard. I think it's harder with firearms content because
00:48:54.460
a lot of the big social media companies limit and restrict what you can share and post and how you
00:49:00.720
can promote. But there are things that you can do to be able to promote your services, promote your
00:49:06.520
business. I'd get good at meeting people in the area because this is clearly a business where people
00:49:13.120
need to be there with you. So it's working with law enforcement. It's working with first responders.
00:49:19.600
It's working with military members. I mean, it might even be school teachers who are worried about
00:49:26.260
that type of situation at their school. They might not be able to carry a firearm, but they want to be
00:49:31.300
familiar and proficient with firearms. It could be single mothers who are at home and there's no man in
00:49:38.980
the house. And so they're left with the task of everything, including the safety and protection of
00:49:44.120
their children. And they want to know how to use a firearm. So if that day comes, heaven forbid,
00:49:50.200
that they would be proficient enough to ward off an attacker and keep their family safe.
00:49:54.340
There's all sorts of little veins that you can explore here. And if you can find these groups
00:49:58.720
in your area and you can go to meetings, you can do presentations, you can invite people out,
00:50:05.420
you can even do voluntary work with the fire departments, like a voluntary fire department.
00:50:09.380
You can go on ride-alongs with police officers. You can offer free training with, and I'm going
00:50:15.960
to say this, with no expectation in return. Hear me on that. No expectation in return. Too many guys
00:50:21.900
will go do free workshops and then try to sell a bunch of stuff afterwards. Just go and serve.
00:50:28.360
Sure, let people know what you're about, but don't go with an expectation that you're trying to sell
00:50:32.400
these guys. You're just trying to serve them because people will sniff that out and be repulsed by it,
00:50:36.220
not attracted to it. So that's where I'd focus. Business mentor, good at online and social
00:50:42.700
marketing. And also, you can hire mentors for that. And some of those are inexpensive because
00:50:47.200
it's all done online in group coaching environments. And then get good at networking in your community
00:50:52.580
and in your area and find those veins and niches that can serve you.
00:50:56.280
Cool. The only thing I'd add is minimal viable product. Don't get wrapped up in how perfect this
00:51:02.960
looks and then try to get it perfect, right? There's huge value in you doing firearm instruction
00:51:09.340
today. Whether it's one-on-one training with the neighbor or through a community group or whatever,
00:51:19.500
you need the reps as fast as possible. You need to flush out demographics and ideas. And a lot of that
00:51:26.820
is found in doing a minimal viable product and trying out things and seeing what works,
00:51:32.280
what doesn't work, and then make your necessary pivots. Don't fall into this idea that you need
00:51:37.940
a brick and mortar building and all this hype, and then I'll start doing it. That will be the failure
00:51:44.220
of most small businesses, I think, in my opinion.
00:51:47.400
I think that's awesome advice. I mean, I told people, if you are serious about starting a business,
00:51:52.540
we're recording this on Monday, you could have your business up and running by Friday or earlier.
00:51:57.900
If it were me, like a firearms business, if it were me, I could have my business up and running
00:52:02.480
tonight. Because I could go to LegalZoom or Rocket Lawyer or any of these online legal places,
00:52:08.300
or maybe I had a CPA, I don't know, or an accountant, excuse me, an attorney. I could get my LLC set up.
00:52:14.640
That's what you're going to need, especially if you're doing firearms, because you want that layer
00:52:17.160
of protection. We'll talk to your accountant, your CPA on that. But you get your LLC taken care
00:52:22.500
of, and you call five friends tonight, and you're like, hey, guys, I'm going to go teach
00:52:26.700
some firearms training. Bring your own gun. If you don't have one, I've got a few spares. It
00:52:29.820
might not be exactly what you want, but I've got a few spare for you. And it's $30. That's going to
00:52:35.140
get you refreshment's drink, that sort of thing. And it's going to get you 50 rounds. I don't know
00:52:42.700
the price. I'm just saying. It's going to get you whatever. And we're all going to be out there at
00:52:47.620
six o'clock. We're going to meet at the chapel down the road, and we're all going to head over
00:52:52.400
the race together. And if you don't mind, my buddy- You can have a business right now.
00:52:57.080
Totally. And if you don't mind, my buddy Steve's going to come along, take some pictures. If it's
00:53:00.560
okay with you guys, I'll have you sign some documents so I can use that for the website
00:53:05.780
and a couple of marketing things. And I'd love to get you guys' input of what worked and what
00:53:10.260
didn't work, why we're shooting, and what you like most about it.
00:53:13.640
Yep. That's awesome. One other thing to that, Kip, always sell something. You're not hanging
00:53:20.360
out as friends. That's not the purpose of this. If you're doing what we're telling you,
00:53:24.440
that's not the purpose of this meeting or this thing tonight. It's not the hangout. If you wanted
00:53:28.940
to hang out, you can go to the bar, you can go to the game. You can do a lot of other things.
00:53:31.700
The purpose of this is to build your business. And you're selling to friends who care about you,
00:53:36.600
love you, want to support you, and do some cool shit together. So you have to sell it.
00:53:41.040
People say, well, but it's not where I want it. Maybe I'll just give it away for free.
00:53:44.000
Then you don't have a business, man. We're trying to create a business here.
00:53:47.060
You can discount it. I'm fine with that. But if you can't sell something, there's no business.
00:53:53.780
So that's why I say, maybe it's 50 bucks. I don't know. You can discount it. But it's 50 bucks.
00:53:59.180
We'll be out for two hours. Bring your own gun. That's going to provide you. I'll take care of
00:54:04.300
the ammo. Unless you have your own specialized ammo you want to shoot. Just tell me what caliber
00:54:09.100
you're bringing. And I'll get that taken care of. And we'll have some sandwiches while we're out there.
00:54:14.440
But sell it. Don't give it away. Because we're not in charity here. We're in business. So be a
00:54:21.240
business. Yeah. All right. Last question. Corey Bright. Can you talk about the power dynamic when
00:54:28.820
one spouse makes more than the other? I find it really hard that my wife makes almost twice as
00:54:34.200
much as me. I have a good job, but this is something that is nagging and bothers me.
00:54:38.880
Why does it bother you? I know you can't answer that question right now. But yeah. Consider why
00:54:45.200
that bothers you. Probably because you feel less of a man. That's probably what you feel like.
00:54:51.380
Yeah. I don't know. But I imagine that's the case. So what can you do about it? You can make
00:54:58.820
more money. That's one thing you can do. Find a way to make more money. You can have some good
00:55:04.100
conversations about what you add to the table. There might be things that you add to the table
00:55:08.640
that you can't quite quantify with a dollar amount. And there's value in that. Protection is a great
00:55:15.700
component of that. So yeah. Maybe you're not making as much money as she is, but you're a great protector.
00:55:21.800
Maybe you're a great partner. Maybe you're a great father. Maybe things around the house are all done
00:55:28.480
and looking beautiful because of the work that you do. Maybe you're a great cook. I don't know what
00:55:34.040
you like. I don't know what you're into. But you could be great at so many other things that are just
00:55:39.000
not exclusively financially related that might help you feel better about your contributions. And you
00:55:45.120
know what? There might be elements of what you do that she's really appreciative of that you aren't
00:55:50.740
aware of, number one, and that she's never expressed to you. And it's not because she doesn't want
00:55:54.520
to. It's just because she just... Maybe she takes it for granted a little bit, or she doesn't
00:55:58.400
really think about it, or it just doesn't get brought up, or you don't have conversations.
00:56:01.880
There's a lot of reasons why that wouldn't happen. But I bet there's a lot... Because if there wasn't,
00:56:06.180
what would be the reason for keeping you around? She makes more than you. She doesn't need you
00:56:10.460
around for that. So she's interested in having a relationship with you for other reasons. What
00:56:15.580
are those reasons? And where can you really pour into that side of the relationship that will help
00:56:20.740
you feel better about the dynamic and also serve her more effectively? I mean, I hear about dads who
00:56:25.940
stay at home. That's not for me. And I think that generally speaking, if we look at the quality
00:56:33.940
of life or happiness, I don't think that works for the majority of men and women. But if it does,
00:56:42.040
then that's a decision you're making. And you need to find a way to pour fully into that as a man
00:56:47.960
so that you do feel fulfilled about your contribution to the dynamic of the relationship.
00:56:55.960
But ask yourself why you're feeling that way and get to the root of those insecurities and then ask
00:57:02.060
yourself how you can step up more fully in different ways that aren't financially related.
00:57:05.960
Yeah. I mean, this is interesting, right? Because I mean, we could get on a whole rat race around,
00:57:10.980
not rat race, but like a rat hole around, you know, feminist movement, you know, equality of
00:57:18.300
like that whole debate. And but the reality of it is, is most men, whether good or bad,
00:57:25.460
find fulfillment and purpose in life through one of the aspects of masculinity. And that is providing,
00:57:33.080
right? It, it's an intrinsic thing for me. I, I get value and fulfillment knowing that I am providing
00:57:42.260
for my family. And, and so maybe, and that's why this is kind of a good question. I kind of like,
00:57:48.480
like this discussion. But ultimately in the end, I think for us to, to, that we should all be finding
00:57:57.360
fulfillment in how we're showing up in the world. And, and some of us at, at fault of this is,
00:58:03.980
you know, to, to, you know, to make Corey, maybe he feel a little bit better. Some of us like,
00:58:08.360
oh wait, I get great fulfillment, Ryan, because I provide for my family, but I'm dropping the ball
00:58:12.900
in all other areas. Right. And it's like, great. You bring money through the door, but guess what?
00:58:18.920
You're a miserable, miserable person to live with. Your impact on your children is more negative than
00:58:23.700
positive. And we're not winning in this world, right? Other than bringing a check through the
00:58:28.480
door. So that's not even enough, even for those guys. And so the point is, I guess what I'm trying
00:58:35.920
to say is we need to make sure that we're present to the impact that we're leaving in the world.
00:58:41.580
And that will give us fulfillment in regards to how we're showing up. And it's not just about
00:58:47.060
bringing money in. It's, it's much greater than that. And make sure that you're, you're finding that
00:58:52.680
fulfillment in those other areas and you're showing up powerfully.
00:58:56.520
Right. Right. I mean, what's the alternative? The alternative is for her to make less money
00:59:01.700
because that can help your family. That doesn't sound like a good idea.
00:59:05.640
That doesn't sound good to me. No, but I think when we're making choices like this or feeling a
00:59:11.420
way, I think it's good to consider the alternative. What's the alternate universe of this situation?
00:59:16.460
I mean, yeah, it could be that you're making more money and you should be working towards that if
00:59:19.800
that's a goal of yours. Yeah. But we're not going to just strip her of household income because
00:59:24.640
you're uncomfortable with it. Like that's not going to be good for the family. I thought about
00:59:28.960
one more thing that you could do. I don't know, but I tend to be pretty good with finances. So maybe
00:59:33.960
she's not, maybe she's great at earning money, but she's not great at managing it. And maybe you're a
00:59:38.700
great manager of money and you're the, the, the bigger share of, of, of that side of things with,
00:59:46.500
with regards to what you're adding is making sure that the money management, Hey, we're paying off
00:59:51.940
debt. We're investing, we're tracking our income and our expenses and you handle that side of things
00:59:57.180
and she's making it. And that's your component or contribution, not only your income, but how you
01:00:02.160
guys manage that effectively. Yeah. Cool. Good luck with that, Corey. Okay. All right, brother,
01:00:07.100
let's wrap it up today. Yeah. So a handful of things, Ryan mentioned this earlier, iron council
01:00:11.900
opening up next month to join us and learn more about the iron council and get ready for that.
01:00:17.060
Go to order man.com slash iron council. One of the things that we can do, you roughly, you could
01:00:22.120
probably get in 30 days, right in or around our battle ready program to in preparation for joining us
01:00:29.340
in September to read or learn more about that. Go to order of man.com slash battle ready. And of
01:00:35.840
course, connect with Mr. Mickler on Instagram and, uh, and Twitter at Ryan Mickler, I guess I should be
01:00:41.940
saying at X instead of at Twitter. Is that, I don't know. Has that, has that changed taking place? I don't
01:00:47.840
know. Yeah. Supposedly sounds weird to say connect with Ryan on X, but anyhow, that's at Ryan Mickler.
01:00:55.120
And of course you can get your swag at store.orderofman.com. Oh, it has happened. I'm
01:01:01.620
looking over here on quote unquote Twitter, but it has happened. Just an X. Yeah. Just an X. Cool.
01:01:08.420
All right, guys. Appreciate you. Great questions today. Keep them coming. We'll keep these answers
01:01:12.320
coming and hopefully it serves you in some way. Let's all go out there, take action and become
01:01:15.960
the man we are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take
01:01:21.300
charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order