Order of Man - Return of the Patriarch ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.680 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order of Man.

00:00:33.260 As most of you know listening, this is a movement to reclaim and restore masculinity, and that's

00:00:38.180 exactly what we're doing via our conversations that we hold each Tuesday. Of course, the Ask

00:00:44.140 Me Anythings that we do on Wednesday, and then this, your Friday Field Notes. I've got a good

00:00:48.400 one lined up for you today. I say that every week, but I think they're good every week.

00:00:52.720 I can see that our download numbers continue to grow. Our memberships continue to grow.

00:00:57.680 And I think it's a testament to the fact that most men want to make themselves more capable

00:01:03.440 as fathers and husbands and business owners and community leaders and every other area

00:01:08.020 of life that they're showing up. So I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad that you're banded

00:01:11.480 with us. I'm going to get into this pretty quick. First things first, I do want to ask

00:01:15.820 a very, very quick favor. We need to get those ratings and reviews in. Those go such a long

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00:01:35.700 colleague, coworker, your dad, whoever you think would benefit from the message that we're sharing

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00:01:47.060 as I can and give as much value as I possibly can. So I would ask that you kindly share what

00:01:53.180 it is we're doing here. Lord knows we need it now more than ever, which we're going to

00:01:57.240 talk about today. Before I get into that, I also want to make a mention of my friends

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00:02:30.540 that. But what I want to talk with you about today is that last week, and I think I mentioned

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00:03:32.720 alerts, because that's how they're going to announce it. All right, go check out my Instagram

00:03:36.000 page and Facebook as well. You can see what those look like. Anyways, enough of that guys,

00:03:39.980 let's get into this. Uh, you can see that I titled this conversation or this episode today,

00:03:44.160 uh, return of the patriarch, return of the patriarch. Uh, I know that that word gets a bad rap. I know

00:03:50.680 people don't, a lot of people anyways, don't like that word. They think it represents some sort of,

00:03:56.380 of tyrannical symbol of masculine oppression in society. And that's not at all what a patriarch

00:04:04.140 is. That's not at all what the patriarchy is. If you think about what a patriarch is,

00:04:08.320 a patriarch is a male leader. Simple as that. A male leader, not a dictator, not a tyrant,

00:04:15.720 not some sort of slave driver or anything like that. A patriarch is a male leader. Now guys,

00:04:22.080 this is something that all of us, if you're listening to this podcast, it's likely that you

00:04:26.080 want to improve your capability as a patriarch, a patriarch in the walls of your home and in your

00:04:33.460 neighborhoods and maybe some ecclesiastical services or within the walls of your business,

00:04:38.600 you want to lead more effectively. And that's all it is. That's all it means to be a patriarch.

00:04:44.300 Now I know that popular media and a lot of these leftists have taken the word patriarch and twisted

00:04:51.040 it and skewed it and warped it and distorted it into something that it doesn't really mean. But I think

00:04:57.520 this is an attempt to undermine not only this misguided notion of the patriarch, but masculinity

00:05:03.440 altogether. And it's really frustrating to watch and hear people try to redefine terms and ideals

00:05:13.160 and lessons that have been learned through tens, if not hundreds of thousands of years of human

00:05:19.560 history that have proven to serve us well. Now I will throw this disclaimer in here. I'm not saying

00:05:25.320 that our leadership as men, quote unquote, the patriarchy needs to be at odds with a woman's 0.99

00:05:32.520 ability to lead. In fact, my wife, for example, is a great leader in the home and with her friends and

00:05:39.080 her other ventures and projects and hobbies and activities that she's engaged in. She leads

00:05:43.580 differently than me because there also is the matriarch, right? The female leader of the home. 1.00

00:05:50.580 And we're not at odds with each other. Now, sometimes the way that I lead will take precedent.

00:05:56.840 Sometimes the way that she leads will take precedent and we're aware of that. So guys,

00:06:01.740 there's nothing wrong with the patriarch and there's, and it's not at odds. It's not at odds with a

00:06:08.600 successful home, a successful business, a successful community or society. In fact, I think it's much of

00:06:14.920 the driver of the success of these environments in which we live. So the question then becomes,

00:06:22.100 how do we become a better patriarch, a more capable patriarch? And that's what I'm going to get with

00:06:27.480 you or get into with you today. But I want to talk about why I think it's a problem in the first place

00:06:32.820 and why I think we've lost our sense of honor and dignity and pride in being a patriarch and being

00:06:42.580 the kind of men that we are called to be, that we are frankly, biologically hardwired to be and,

00:06:48.660 and the kind of men that we would take honor and being. I look around and I see men and, and I think

00:06:55.920 I look at them a little differently because of the, the career path and this mission and this movement,

00:07:00.880 but I see men who are broken inside. I can see their eyes. If even they make eye contact with me

00:07:06.980 and I see a missing piece. And I think that missing piece is masculine, assertive, bold, courageous,

00:07:16.860 leadership, patriarchy, and their ability to become the type of patriarch that they need to become,

00:07:24.160 that they deep down inside want to become. So why do men struggle with this so much? And why is it that

00:07:30.760 we continue to deviate down this path of a feminized, overly effeminate, soft, weak society?

00:07:38.180 Three primary reasons. Now I know anytime I give some sort of small list, like three reasons that

00:07:45.200 there's inevitably going to be somebody who comes back and says, well, you know, it's not as simple

00:07:48.940 as that. I realized that. All right. I realized there's exceptions. I realized that I can't solve all

00:07:55.820 of the world's problems. And I can't explain how powerful masculinity is when men learn how to step

00:08:00.680 into this in a 15 to 20 minute podcast. I get that. I understand that. But I will say this,

00:08:06.780 that if we adhere to the principles that I'm going to share with you today, although all of our problems

00:08:11.860 may not be solved because it's a little bit more complex than what I'm going to share with you,

00:08:16.020 it's going to be better. We're going to be moving in the right direction. We're going to be

00:08:22.500 taking the right courses of action that will improve our lives, improve our family's lives,

00:08:28.500 the people that we interact with on a daily basis and make everything better. But the reason that

00:08:34.760 this has even become a battle and the reason that men, more men, and I think this will only get worse

00:08:41.380 have, I don't know if rejected is the right word, but at least dismiss this idea of becoming the type

00:08:46.320 of patriarch that deep down they want to become is because first they're too afraid. They're too

00:08:52.280 afraid to step up in the way that they want to step up because they believe that they will be

00:08:57.980 demonized or ostracized or doxed or whatever, because they're acting masculine. And because they're

00:09:08.180 acting that way, they think that society or whoever they happen to be dealing with will attack them

00:09:15.560 verbally, maybe even physically in a lot of ways. And these men are afraid to step into who they're

00:09:21.720 supposed to be. What a shame. What a shame that we've gotten to the point where men are afraid to

00:09:28.160 be the type of men that would actually serve them well and serve other people. Well, that's number one.

00:09:32.480 Number two is they never learned how they never learned how to bait, be a patriarch, probably because

00:09:39.600 there wasn't a patriarch in their home. They may have had a matriarch. They may have had nobody, 1.00

00:09:43.880 but because they were missing a patriarch in the walls of their home, as they were growing up and

00:09:48.580 they were young, they never learned what it meant to be a man. And so they took this raw masculine

00:09:55.280 energy that's coursing through their veins, biologically hardwired into who they are.

00:10:00.960 And they channeled it into destructive and often horrific and potentially even violent situations and

00:10:08.680 outcomes rather than learning from a genuine patriarch who knows how to take that masculine energy and

00:10:15.340 channel it into something that's going to be good. It's going to be effective. It's going to be

00:10:21.200 productive for them and the rest of society. I know for me that there was a lot of time in my youth where I

00:10:28.340 was angry. I could literally looking back at it now, feel the testosterone pumping through my veins and I

00:10:37.640 would get pissed off and fired up and I would fight and I would rebel because I didn't know how to take

00:10:46.120 that and use that energy constructively, still potentially physically, potentially even violently,

00:10:52.420 but do it in a way that was going to help and serve and produce rather than detract and take away

00:10:58.760 and destroy. There's a great quote by Douglas Wilson. And he says, if boys don't learn, men won't know.

00:11:10.240 So the reason that we see a demise of the patriarchy and patriarchs is because boys aren't learning how to

00:11:18.780 become the patriarch. And I'll tell you what, in my interactions with men, thousands and thousands of

00:11:24.280 men over the past four, four and a half years now, I know that there's a lot of you and potentially

00:11:28.700 even a great number of you listening who realize this. You realize that you didn't have a patriarch

00:11:34.500 in your home. You realize you didn't have a healthy male figure leading and guiding and directing and

00:11:40.900 channeling that masculinity into something that was going to be good. And now you're coming to the

00:11:46.060 conclusion at 20, 25, 30, potentially even older that you never had that. Guys, don't throw your hands up

00:11:52.500 in the air. Don't throw your hands up in the air and say, well, because I never learned, I guess I'm

00:11:57.320 just shit out of luck. No, you're not. No, you're not. I got a message the other day from an individual 0.98

00:12:02.140 who said something to the effect of, uh, he feels like he's too old at this point to want to try new

00:12:07.540 things and to really expand and grow and succeed in his life the way he wants to. He feels like he

00:12:12.460 missed the boat. And I simply said, consider the alternative. The alternative is doing nothing.

00:12:18.360 And in 10 or 15 or 20 or 30 years saying the same exact thing, only being 30 years closer to your

00:12:28.780 death. It's never too late. And you may behind the eight ball a little bit, but so what? What's done

00:12:35.380 is done. Now correct the behavior. So find a way to surround yourself with other men who are successful

00:12:43.140 and productive and doing good things in their lives. So you can learn, you can learn what you

00:12:48.940 should have learned 20 years ago, but didn't have the opportunity. Now that you're a man and you're an

00:12:54.000 adult, it's your obligation and frankly, moral responsibility to begin to become more proficient

00:13:01.620 and effective as a man, if you never received it. So that was point number two is that you, that these

00:13:06.260 guys never learned. So learn now. And number three, and I kind of tied into this here a minute ago

00:13:10.820 is that there's a lot of guys who believe it's a waste of time. This is the, the Meg Tao movement

00:13:16.300 to a degree. And, and I, and I think they've got some good things, but I think they're leaning

00:13:19.760 towards the, the wrong direction. I think they're taking, or at least taking a couple of steps in the

00:13:25.000 wrong, the wrong direction, the wrong route, the wrong path. These are also the incels, the, uh,

00:13:31.380 what do they call them? Uh, involuntary celibates, right? These are the guys that think that society

00:13:36.200 is out to get them and that everything is stacked against them. And although there may be some of

00:13:41.840 that, and I even talk about that, you're not a victim. And why would any man position himself

00:13:47.820 as the victim? And so we have these movements that I just addressed where men start to take

00:13:53.820 the path of victimhood. They become the victim of the victims. If you will, Jack Donovan had talked

00:13:59.240 with me about that. Uh, when we had a conversation for the podcast, this must've been four or five months

00:14:04.840 ago. Now he said, these guys become the victims of the victims. All right. Don't, don't make yourself

00:14:11.120 a victim. See, these guys believe it's a waste of time to try to change, to try to improve. And if

00:14:16.980 they do, then they're, they're not being the kind of men they should, or that they're being

00:14:20.760 subservient to women. It's not subservient to learn how to be a more effective father.

00:14:25.320 It's not subservient to women to learn how to be a more effective husband or how to advance in your

00:14:30.360 career or how to get ahold of your, your finances or your health. It's good. It's the natural order

00:14:37.360 of things. It's the way things should be. And these guys who are filling your brain with a bunch of

00:14:42.500 shit about going your own way and all women are bitches and they're the enemy. And we need to escape 1.00

00:14:48.780 this and, and, and go our own way and do our own thing. And we're the victims of this society.

00:14:53.500 That's a problem. That's an unhealthy, immature response to the circumstances that we may find

00:15:02.980 ourselves in. There's a more effective way to do it. It's learning how to be a patriarch.

00:15:08.380 It's learning how to lead effectively. It's learning how to become that man. And it is a learning thing.

00:15:14.100 You don't get to become a man just because you're a male. There's a difference. Male is simply anatomy. 0.60

00:15:20.040 It's chromosomes. It's DNA. It's biology. But being a man has nothing to do with that. I mean,

00:15:26.460 that's a prerequisite, but being a man requires learning and growth and progress and expansion

00:15:32.860 physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually. That's when you get to call yourself a man. So

00:15:38.440 that's what I'm going to share with you today. So in an attempt to make this a little bit more,

00:15:41.700 more memorable for you, we're going to talk about the four C's today, the four C's,

00:15:46.300 which will allow you to either return into the patriarch that you're meant to be or become

00:15:52.100 the patriarch that you're meant to be because maybe you haven't learned yet.

00:15:55.380 And I'm on this path too. All right. Don't get me wrong. I'm not here judging from this,

00:15:59.060 this, this podium above every other man who might be listening to this. I'm in the trenches with you.

00:16:05.560 I'm learning these things just like you are. I might have some clarity on a few more things than

00:16:09.980 maybe you do. Maybe you've got some things figured out more than I do, but either way,

00:16:13.560 we're in this battle together. And that's why this is the order of man, not the order of Ryan or

00:16:19.300 not Ryan Mickler.com or not. Look how wonderful Ryan is. This is our movement. We're in this thing

00:16:26.500 together. So let's talk about this. Number one, the first C clarity, clarity, part of being a patriarch

00:16:33.860 and part of being a great leader is that you are clear, clear about who you are as a man and where

00:16:40.900 you want to go, where you want to take the family and want to guide and lead them where you'd like

00:16:45.960 to go in your career. You have to have vision for the future, what you'd like your health to look

00:16:50.600 like, how, how you want to be remembered, the kind of legacy that you want to leave behind long after

00:16:55.920 you're dead and gone. You need to be crystal clear about this. And too many men are going from activity

00:17:01.120 to activity to activity. And they're up to their eyeballs in time wasting ventures, whether it's

00:17:07.280 sitting around dinking on their phone or watching the latest season of who knows what, and just

00:17:14.040 wasting inordinate amounts of time doing nothing and sedating themselves from the reality that maybe

00:17:21.260 they aren't stepping into the men they're capable of becoming. So stop wasting so much time and get

00:17:26.860 clear about who you are and who you want to be. Because when you're clear and you're faced with a

00:17:32.440 choice that may be a distraction from who that individual can become, you know, not to go down

00:17:38.560 that path because there's something bigger and greater and grander waiting for you to get your

00:17:43.840 butt off the couch and turning off the TV and putting down the cell phone and getting to work as a coach

00:17:50.000 of your children's teams, as a lover to your wife, as a man who has high ambition and high drive and

00:17:59.160 motivation to advance his career path and serve other people, not only in his career, but his

00:18:04.300 community. That takes a level of clarity that too many men don't have. And because they're not clear

00:18:10.480 about who they are and who they want to become, they wander around aimlessly and they get pushed around

00:18:16.200 and tossed to and fro with every little distraction and every little comment completely derails

00:18:23.820 them. Guys, I want you to be laser focused on who you want to be, because when you are, you're going

00:18:30.960 to be that much more effective and you're not going to be wasting the time that too many men seem to be 0.98

00:18:35.560 doing. That's number one. Number two, you've got to have some level of competency, wanting to be great,

00:18:43.900 wanting to be good, wanting to do the right things is not enough. We've all heard the adage,

00:18:50.720 the road to hell is paved with good intentions. What you want to do doesn't matter. What you actually

00:18:59.320 do matters. So you can't judge a man or yourself based on who you want to be. Men are measured

00:19:07.960 amongst each other in society and even yourself for your production, for what you actually produce.

00:19:18.240 Great. You want to be a good father, but you're not showing up for your kids. Then what you want

00:19:22.600 to be doesn't matter. You show up, you want to be a great husband, but you can't communicate and

00:19:27.000 have a good conversation with your wife or love her and be in, be physical and intimate the way

00:19:31.900 that she wants to be. Then it doesn't really matter what you want to do. You've got to be that

00:19:35.860 individual. You want to advance in your career path, but you're not willing to invest the time and

00:19:40.460 energy and money and resources that it takes to become successful. So what you've got to go out and do

00:19:46.440 that and get the credential and get the degree and put an extra work and go the extra mile so that

00:19:51.380 you're actually producing. And through that, that, that effort and through the action that you're

00:19:57.580 taking, you're going to develop a level of competency so that when other people, whether it's your kids

00:20:02.900 or your wife or your kids on your football team or your, your colleagues or your coworkers look at you,

00:20:09.320 they look to you as somebody who, who they think I need to follow that guy. I need to be led by him.

00:20:17.060 There's something about that individual that I see and they voluntarily choose to follow you.

00:20:24.260 That makes you a patriarch. You can't be a tyrant. You can't be a dictator and be a patriarch.

00:20:30.940 People have to be voluntarily led, meaning they have to choose to be led by you. And if you develop

00:20:39.240 the competency that you want in your life, people will follow you. They're not going to follow you

00:20:44.860 if you're not competent about it. That's point number two. Point number three, you've got to

00:20:48.860 communicate. A lot of guys ask me what skills should they develop? And of course there's an endless

00:20:54.780 list of tasks and skills that one could work on and improve their life. But I'll tell you what,

00:20:59.680 at the root of all of this is their ability to communicate. If you want to lead effectively,

00:21:03.960 you have to lead who other people, which means that you're going to have to learn how to communicate

00:21:10.000 effectively with those individuals. The best framework that I found for this is understanding

00:21:15.300 that generally there's four communication styles. There's passive. And we know these guys who are

00:21:21.680 passive, they're weenies, they're wimps. When, when there's any sort of pushback, they roll over on their

00:21:27.200 backs and they let people steamroll them and they get nothing done. And of course we don't think

00:21:31.840 highly of these men. Of course we don't follow these men. They're not men of conviction. They're

00:21:37.540 not men of competency. There's no fire in their soul. So we're not going to follow those individuals.

00:21:44.420 Assertiveness, excuse me, passivity. Number two, aggressive. Now we know this guy on the opposite end

00:21:51.240 of the spectrum. He's the asshole. He's the, the, the red personality. He's pushing everybody around 1.00

00:21:56.860 and he's bossing people around and he's making people feel uncomfortable. Nobody else has a say

00:22:01.640 any good. It was because of him. Anything that goes wrong, he blames it and shifts it on somebody else.

00:22:06.440 He's the dick. He's the guy that nobody wants to be around. And you know, what's hard about this guy 1.00

00:22:10.540 is he might actually achieve some measurable level of success. Initially, it's not long-term.

00:22:18.240 I can't tell you how many guys like this that I've seen that come into different endeavors,

00:22:23.780 guns drawn, blazing into this thing. And, and, and they just crash and burn because they don't

00:22:30.900 know how to communicate effectively with other people. They don't know how to rally people around

00:22:35.160 causes. They don't know how to delegate and enlist other people in the movement that they want to,

00:22:40.540 to go down, that they want to improve guys. You need to learn to communicate. The third is the

00:22:46.760 passive aggressive. This one's an interesting one. See, he pretends, he's the nice guy, right? So

00:22:52.500 he pretends that he's nice. He wants to play nice, but deep down inside, he's got some animosity or

00:23:00.560 ill will or resentment towards other individuals, especially those people who are successful.

00:23:05.940 And so he'll joke around and he'll, he'll make a mockery of little things and he'll undermine and

00:23:11.480 underplay other people's accomplishments because rather than stepping up to the plate and doing it for

00:23:16.100 himself, he wants to undermine everybody else. And this guy might be the class clown and he's funny

00:23:21.220 for a minute, but it gets tiring very, very quickly because people finally catch on to who this joker

00:23:27.540 is. He's a fake. He's a fraud. He's a phony. See, he wants to be a man, but he doesn't know how to be a 0.78

00:23:35.680 man. And so he is a dick instead, but he wants to do it in a nice way because somebody told him that's 0.99

00:23:42.620 what he's supposed to do. He's supposed to be the good little boy. This is the passive aggressive 0.99

00:23:46.800 communicator. It's the guy with the sarcasm. It's the guy that can't take anything seriously.

00:23:52.360 And he undermines everything and anything serious that people want to do. The last form of communication

00:23:59.140 guys is the assertive communicator. This guy's not an asshole, but he's not the nice guy. He's not 0.94

00:24:05.060 sarcastic. He knows when to joke and to laugh and to have fun and loosen up. But he also knows when to

00:24:10.900 toe the line. He knows when it needs to be serious. He's willing to stand by his convictions,

00:24:15.960 not to be a jerk, but because he knows who he is. He's got the clarity. He's got the competency. 0.98

00:24:21.800 And because he has those things to back him up, he can now communicate effectively,

00:24:26.680 stand by what he says, and also lead with a level of empathy. Understanding that I can't be

00:24:32.460 railroading these people all the time. Sometimes I need to push. Sometimes I need to pull. Sometimes I

00:24:37.500 need to get in there and be a little bit more assertive. Sometimes I need to back up.

00:24:40.500 Sometimes I need to learn to delegate. And so this is somebody who understands it all.

00:24:45.620 We know somebody who has not adopted this principle because they'll say things like,

00:24:50.040 well, it's just the way that I am. Take it or leave it. I can't change. It's just me.

00:24:56.840 What a horrible, horrible way to live that you've actually subscribed to the notion that you can't

00:25:03.360 change, that you can't evolve and grow and expand and learn new skills and become a better

00:25:09.760 human being. Of course you can. And the assertive communicator has learned how to do it and put it

00:25:16.340 into practice. Point number four, guys, and we'll leave you with that is patriarchs are men of character.

00:25:24.180 They're men of character. I remember when I was younger, I had a stepfather who I must've been,

00:25:31.880 I don't know. I must've been 13 years old, maybe 14. And he asked if I'd go mow the lawn. I said,

00:25:37.640 of course I'll go mow the lawn because that was my chore on Saturday morning. He said, Oh, also

00:25:41.360 there's a hole in the backyard. The dog must've dug it up or something. There's a hole in the grass

00:25:45.880 in the backyard. What I need you to do is I need you to go out and even further back. Cause we had

00:25:50.200 a big dirt field. I need you to get a couple of scoops of dirt, shovel it, bring it over, fill in the

00:25:55.620 hole, stamp it down, then cut a piece of grass off the back in this section. And he told me what

00:26:00.920 section and he said, bring that over and then put that in and we'll just patch and repair that piece

00:26:05.880 of grass. And that's what I need you to do. So I said, okay, I'll do that. So I mow the lawn and then

00:26:12.180 I go out into the back and I didn't want to shovel. I was tired. It was probably hot and I didn't want

00:26:16.500 to shovel the dirt. And so I just went off and I cut a little piece of grass off and I threw it in

00:26:21.720 there. I just threw it in the hole just to piece of grass. And I went inside and I said, okay, I'm,

00:26:26.800 you know, I'm done with, I'm done with mowing the lawn. He's like, okay, you mow the lawn.

00:26:29.340 Did you fill the hole? And I said, yes. And he said, okay, let me go check. So he went out and

00:26:33.280 he checked. He says, Hey, the lawns look good. You mowed them. And then I knew, I knew when he

00:26:38.080 started walking around the corner, what his reaction and his response to this shoddy job was

00:26:43.980 he walks around, he looks in there. He's like, did you even put dirt in there? And I said, no,

00:26:48.580 I just threw that grass. He says, okay. He says, what I want you to know, Ryan, is I want you to

00:26:54.940 understand that character is what you do when no one is looking. Character is what you do when no

00:27:03.500 one is looking. It's easy to be good. It's easy to do the right thing. It's easy to do what's

00:27:11.740 expected. It's easy not to cheat when people are watching. It's easy. It's not a test to do it when

00:27:22.040 people are watching, but what you do and how you respond and how you behave and how you act when

00:27:27.300 people aren't looking or they won't find out is what it means to have character. What kind of

00:27:33.640 character do you have? Where are you cheating yourself? Are you cheating yourself in the gym?

00:27:39.320 Are you putting up scores and PRs and times on, on your, your tracking progress that aren't

00:27:45.560 legitimate or true because you're trying to impress other people? That's a lack of character. And you

00:27:50.840 might think it's isolated to the gym, but I can assure you that if you lack character in the gym,

00:27:55.360 you lack character with your wife and you lack character with your kids and you lack character

00:28:00.780 with your clients and your bosses and your colleagues and your friends, and you're shorting

00:28:05.260 yourself. You're probably lying to yourself. You're probably lying to other people. And although they may

00:28:11.720 not catch you now or anytime soon, you're doing yourself a disservice and you're not being the

00:28:17.700 patriarch that you can be if you don't have character. Now I know it sounds like I'm pointing

00:28:22.660 fingers at you and telling you all the things that you should do. And, and, and it almost might seem

00:28:27.300 like I'm telling you, I have this stuff figured out. I certainly don't. I lack character and integrity

00:28:33.260 at times. I do the wrong things when people are and aren't looking. It's something I'm striving to be

00:28:39.720 better at. This is not a one and done type of thing. There is no arrival. Congratulations. You checked off

00:28:46.140 the box that said patriarch. And now you're the eternal patriarch that you're meant to be. No,

00:28:51.240 this is a path. This is a work in progress. And so don't be, don't be down on yourself. When you

00:28:58.800 mess up, just correct the behavior. Don't compare yourself to other men and think, well, that guy

00:29:02.920 has it all figured out. So what the hell's wrong with me? No, it might just mean he's further down the

00:29:07.200 path. That's it. There isn't anything gifted about me or any of the amazing, successful,

00:29:16.100 high achieving men that I've had on this podcast. I have guys all the time that will reach out and say

00:29:20.720 to me, right? You know, I wish, I really wish you'd have regular average guests on the podcast

00:29:26.720 so that I could relate with them more. Guys, that's the wrong attitude. What you're doing is you're

00:29:32.740 essentially saying that, that you're, you're placing other men on a mantle. They don't belong.

00:29:37.820 Everybody's average. Everybody at some point was mediocre. Everybody at some point was the low man

00:29:45.640 on the totem pole. All right. They've been there. They've been through that process. There isn't some,

00:29:51.100 some magical success fairy running around, sprinkling magic dust on just certain men. No,

00:29:58.260 these guys were at the bottom and they figured out this stuff that I'm sharing with you.

00:30:02.740 And they utilized it and they implement it in their lives. And now they're successful.

00:30:08.840 So use them not as a comparison, but as a beacon for hope and optimism of the type of man that you

00:30:16.780 can become if you're willing to do the work that those men did. And I can assure you that the men that

00:30:23.260 you listen to on this podcast and the men that you hear and follow on Instagram and all these other

00:30:28.380 social media channels, these men are doing this. These men are doing the things that I'm telling

00:30:34.140 you right now. That's why I'm inspired by them because I realize, I mean, I've talked with over

00:30:39.200 250 guys now, and I realize that there are some common threads between every single one of them.

00:30:46.140 And it's not only this list, but certainly this is part of the list. It's clarity. These guys know

00:30:54.320 what they want. They know who they are. They know who they have the potential to become. They're

00:31:03.520 competent. They've developed a skill. They've refined it and honed it and made themselves better

00:31:10.480 over five, 10, 20, 30 years, a lifetime of effort and failure and struggle and setback and pushing

00:31:19.840 forward and learning and lessons and humility. They know how to communicate effectively because

00:31:26.640 they know what they want and they have some competency. They know how to enlist other people.

00:31:30.860 They know how to rally the troops. If you will, these are guys who other people want to follow because

00:31:37.560 they feel special or important or good about who they are when they're following the patriarch.

00:31:44.680 These are men of character. There's not a big gap between the words they use and the things they

00:31:50.540 believe about themselves and the action they're taking to become the type of man that they envision

00:31:55.440 themselves becoming. I've talked about it at length. That's the integrity gap. The integrity gap is

00:32:01.400 minimal, if not non-existent with these very, very high achieving, very successful men.

00:32:08.520 It's character. It's doing the right things. Even if nobody's looking guys, I know that I'm

00:32:14.820 oversimplifying the process. I understand that. I'm not so arrogant to believe that we can solve

00:32:19.580 all of the problems that society. And I don't even think it's society. I think it's mainstream media

00:32:25.160 has with masculinity and a patriarchy. I know I'm not going to solve that in a, in a what? 30 minute

00:32:30.580 podcast. But I think if we as men can step more fully into clarity, competency, communication,

00:32:40.280 character, if we can overcome our fear of, of, uh, of being ostracized or ridiculed for being

00:32:47.140 quote unquote, too masculine, if we can learn the things that maybe our fathers failed to teach us,

00:32:53.000 if we can take responsibility for that, not the fault, but the responsibility of that and learn now.

00:32:58.820 And we can realize that becoming a better man is never a waste of time.

00:33:04.220 It's never a waste of time. It's always going to improve you. It's always going to improve

00:33:11.420 your situation. You're going to be better. Your family is going to be better. Your community,

00:33:18.460 your friends, your neighbors are going to be better through you working on yourself and returning

00:33:27.100 to the patriarch that you're meant to be guys. If this message today has resonated with you,

00:33:33.740 or you think it'll resonate with another man, share it, share it with that individual.

00:33:39.920 If you've got good information, you, whether it's this podcast or anything, you've got a moral

00:33:44.240 obligation to share that with the individuals who will be impacted positively by the things that

00:33:49.080 you've learned. So I hope you do as I do with every podcast. I want to thank you for standing with me.

00:33:56.120 I'm inspired and motivated and uplifted by what you're doing. We just wrapped up this event earlier

00:34:01.940 in the week, last weekend here in Maine. I know I've got a lot of questions about when our next one is

00:34:06.880 I'll have the details for you next week on this podcast. So make sure you subscribe. So you don't

00:34:10.980 miss that. I apologize about my voice is raspy because I've, I lost it. Um, but it is what it

00:34:19.440 is. I get, I should say, I'm not sorry for it. I just want to acknowledge that I realized my voice

00:34:23.460 is shot, but that's because I was utilizing it quite a bit over the past weekend. Anyways, guys,

00:34:30.180 again, thank you. Share this. If you would, thanks for standing with me. We need more men in this fight.

00:34:34.980 It's my goal to mobilize an army of patriarchs who serve their families and their communities and their

00:34:40.540 businesses and their friends and themselves. Well, and if we follow these lessons, we'll be

00:34:45.900 those type of patriarchs that we are. We have the, uh, the potential to become anyways, guys,

00:34:50.840 go out there, take action, become the patriarch. You are meant to be. Thank you for listening to

00:34:56.000 the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

00:35:00.820 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - August 16, 2019

Return of the Patriarch ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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