Order of Man - Rewrite Limiting Scripts, Become More Decisive, Time Management Strategies ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.360 Kip, what's up, brother? Glad to join you again after, what, a couple of weeks of a break here.

00:00:30.100 I apologize, by the way, of last week. I didn't even tell you.

00:00:33.080 Did you listen to the Ask Me Anything with my wife?

00:00:35.680 Yeah, you apologize for having your wife replace me. Is that what you're apologizing for?

00:00:39.260 No, I'm not apologizing about that. I'm apologizing for not telling you that she was going to be replacing you last week.

00:00:44.380 No, I had a birthday on the 12th, which was the day that we normally would have recorded, so it worked out perfectly.

00:00:52.680 I was able to feel sorry for myself and sleep in and do nothing.

00:00:57.420 Cry yourself to sleep at night and wonder what's happening.

00:01:02.000 Yeah, I just felt bad because I had made that post, I think, in Facebook that we were going to be doing and ask me anything with my wife.

00:01:08.080 And then you had messaged me like two hours later and you're like, I guess I'm not doing it this week.

00:01:13.080 Like, I just, I completely overlooked telling you which I apologize about.

00:01:17.900 And also, this is a day of apologies.

00:01:21.120 I've got to apologize to our audience as well because a couple of weeks ago when you and I did the AMA, the sound quality was horrendous because I was using the wrong microphone.

00:01:31.300 So, I apologize to you guys and we'll improve that moving forward.

00:01:36.440 Cool.

00:01:37.000 There you go, guys.

00:01:37.900 All right.

00:01:38.140 Ryan, apologizing.

00:01:39.340 Doesn't happen often.

00:01:40.560 Well, I'm not wrong often, so I don't need to apologize.

00:01:43.140 It works out pretty well.

00:01:44.960 That's a funny thing is like guys keep doing these same things over and over and making the same mistakes and they keep apologizing.

00:01:50.540 I'm like, you know what?

00:01:51.160 The best apology is to fix it.

00:01:54.120 Like, stop making the same dumb mistakes and then you won't have to keep apologizing over and over and over again.

00:01:58.500 Now, I need to take my own advice occasionally, but it is sound advice nonetheless.

00:02:05.960 I love it.

00:02:06.900 All right, guys.

00:02:07.400 What we're doing here, we're answering questions.

00:02:09.500 You have questions from our Patreon page, account, whatever you want to call it.

00:02:13.100 You've got questions in the Facebook group.

00:02:14.800 You've got questions in our exclusive Brotherhood, the Iron Council.

00:02:18.140 Kip and I are going to field questions for the next hour or so.

00:02:20.520 I do have to make a couple of announcements, Kip, real quick.

00:02:23.380 Number one, we've got our podcast pro.

00:02:26.700 So, of course.

00:02:27.660 So, if you want to become a professional podcaster like we're doing here and get your message out and learn how to articulate a message and learn how to have conversations with people and connect with powerful, powerful people like we've been able to do, then I'm going to take four weeks and I'm going to walk you through the intricacies of launching a podcast, starting a podcast, securing guests, getting it registered on iTunes and everywhere else.

00:02:51.160 Getting it out into the world, monetizing it, everything else.

00:02:54.340 So, you can find that at orderofman.com slash podcast pro.

00:02:57.820 And then we've got our legacy event, which you will be attending, Kip.

00:03:02.200 I'm excited that you're going to be out there.

00:03:03.480 You're going to bring something to the event that we didn't have last time.

00:03:06.680 I'm excited about that.

00:03:08.040 I'm excited too.

00:03:08.920 It'll be great.

00:03:09.680 Yeah.

00:03:09.940 So, that's a father-son event.

00:03:11.580 It's a three and a half day experience in Southern Utah.

00:03:14.140 You just get to Las Vegas.

00:03:15.080 Flights are cheap, very, very inexpensive to get into Las Vegas.

00:03:18.340 You get down to Las Vegas.

00:03:19.820 We're going to pick you up.

00:03:21.100 We're going to ship you and your boy to the mountains of Southern Utah.

00:03:24.080 And we're going to put you through a series of tests and challenges all designed to push you guys mentally, physically, emotionally, secure a deeper bond between you two, help you usher your son into manhood, create codes of conduct.

00:03:38.180 I mean, it's a, it's a blow some stuff up while we're at it.

00:03:40.760 It's an absolutely incredible weekend and we only have three spots.

00:03:46.000 That's it.

00:03:46.640 It's April 11th through the 14th, three spots left.

00:03:50.040 So, lock it down because I'm telling you, we're going to, we're going to probably sell those out either this week or next, maybe just within the next couple of days here.

00:03:58.040 So, you can find that at orderofman.com slash legacy and watch the video from, from last event.

00:04:03.900 This one's going to be even better.

00:04:04.840 So, yeah, you'll, uh, show up in Utah and you'll go back and your son, your 10 year old son will have a beard.

00:04:11.800 That's right, man.

00:04:12.500 That's how we do it.

00:04:13.160 That's how we raise men around here. 1.00

00:04:15.500 Put some hair on their chest.

00:04:17.520 That's right.

00:04:17.860 That's right.

00:04:18.860 All right.

00:04:19.420 Well, so that's all out of the way.

00:04:20.720 Let's, uh, let's get into it, man.

00:04:21.940 Shall we?

00:04:22.900 Yeah, for sure.

00:04:23.820 So Patreon members first, uh, we have a handful of questions from these guys.

00:04:27.980 Our first question is from Chris Dunas.

00:04:31.300 How did Kip and yourself meet and begin doing the AMA podcast together?

00:04:36.760 Do you want to talk about how we got introduced?

00:04:40.380 You talk about that and then I'll talk about the AMA side of things.

00:04:43.880 Yeah.

00:04:44.420 So, uh, a good friend of mine from high school, Mr. Matthew Jenkins, uh, complete stud, you know, Matt.

00:04:51.720 Yeah.

00:04:51.860 Um, a common, uh, friend of both of ours, he added me to the Facebook group and didn't tell me anything about it.

00:04:58.780 So I'm like, oh, weird.

00:05:00.700 Okay, sure.

00:05:01.420 I'll join it.

00:05:02.080 And I, to be honest with you, I think I joined because I thought it was something he was doing.

00:05:05.360 So I was just being supportive.

00:05:06.680 Just helping him out a little bit.

00:05:08.020 How nice of you.

00:05:09.380 Yeah.

00:05:09.920 And, uh, and I just kept getting all this noise on Facebook from this order of man group.

00:05:16.120 And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to unsubscribe.

00:05:18.420 There's so much chatter going on.

00:05:20.140 Um, and, uh, and then I thought, well, you know, before I unsubscribe, I should at least

00:05:24.940 like see what this is.

00:05:27.100 Yeah.

00:05:27.360 And, uh, look, yeah.

00:05:29.080 And luckily at the top, you had a pin post about a podcast and I'm like, oh, a podcast.

00:05:34.400 That's what this is all about.

00:05:36.080 Did you listen to podcasts before that?

00:05:38.500 Um, a little, I used to back in the day and I hadn't recently.

00:05:42.880 So I went through the entire process of downloading an app.

00:05:46.560 It was really difficult to do and subscribe to the order of man podcast and listen to

00:05:51.700 episodes one and two.

00:05:53.440 Uh, and believe it or not, just despite the fact, Ryan, that you think the, the earlier

00:05:57.540 podcasts were, you know what I mean?

00:05:59.660 Oh, they're crap, man.

00:06:00.640 They're complete crap.

00:06:02.140 It was at least good enough to, to keep me listening.

00:06:05.400 So what does that say about you?

00:06:06.900 I'm just kidding.

00:06:07.260 I know.

00:06:07.700 Yeah.

00:06:08.120 It's a crap.

00:06:08.660 Um, so, but yeah, I listened to a couple of podcasts and I thought, oh man, this is

00:06:13.420 good stuff.

00:06:14.000 So I kept listening, kept listening.

00:06:15.600 And then, uh, probably geez, maybe within three or four months, I think I joined the

00:06:22.440 iron council.

00:06:23.340 Yep.

00:06:23.740 And that was how long ago was that?

00:06:26.040 Two and a half years ago.

00:06:26.880 Probably almost three years ago.

00:06:28.060 And then you moved into team leadership fairly quickly and have been leading team echo up

00:06:33.340 until what?

00:06:34.300 A couple of weeks ago.

00:06:35.080 Right.

00:06:35.660 Yeah.

00:06:35.960 Where you stepped down, yeah, you stepped down from team echo because you stepped into

00:06:40.280 a deeper leadership role within the organization.

00:06:44.160 And how did that transfer over to the, ask me anything?

00:06:48.020 I think I just had the idea that I wanted to do an ask me anything show and you're a

00:06:53.440 great communicator.

00:06:54.300 Uh, you obviously believe in what it is that, that we believe in.

00:06:57.200 We're very much in alignment.

00:06:59.120 Uh, I think you bring a dynamic to the conversation because we had had multiple, multiple

00:07:04.240 conversations prior to, of course.

00:07:06.480 Um, I think you bring a, a perspective that I don't naturally bring to the equation.

00:07:12.340 And I thought, man, what better way than to get a couple of guys who believe the same,

00:07:17.400 although we may approach it differently to talk about some of these questions and asked

00:07:20.480 you if you wanted to do it.

00:07:21.260 And the rest is history.

00:07:22.400 Here we are.

00:07:23.000 I don't, are we like 20 episodes in or something?

00:07:24.940 Maybe even more.

00:07:25.640 I don't know.

00:07:26.460 27.

00:07:27.180 27.

00:07:27.660 Yeah.

00:07:27.860 So we're almost 30 episodes into this thing.

00:07:31.100 Um, and it just keeps getting better and better.

00:07:32.880 So it's been good.

00:07:33.900 That's, that's how I think we got connected.

00:07:35.360 That's the short version.

00:07:36.880 And then I get to tell people, they're like, oh, what's that thing you're doing over a

00:07:39.880 man?

00:07:40.100 And I get a, oh, I contribute on a podcast.

00:07:43.100 You don't contribute, man.

00:07:44.760 You're part of this deal.

00:07:46.400 Podcast contributor.

00:07:47.780 That's, that's right.

00:07:50.140 Assistant to the head podcaster.

00:07:53.340 Um, you, in fact, I think you got recognized or something the other day, didn't you?

00:07:58.200 I did.

00:07:58.760 It was funny.

00:07:59.600 It was really funny.

00:08:00.480 It was, it's, it's like, it's, it's, it's flattering.

00:08:03.360 You know, it's interesting.

00:08:04.080 It's flattering.

00:08:05.180 It was flattering.

00:08:05.900 And it was, it threw me, I didn't understand.

00:08:08.100 So I was at a, I'm in the tech industry as everyone, most people know.

00:08:12.100 And I was presenting at a, at a conference and a guy came up to me and he's like, Kip.

00:08:18.100 And I'm like, hi.

00:08:19.060 And he's like, I'm a huge fan.

00:08:20.340 And I'm like, thank you.

00:08:22.720 Okay.

00:08:23.280 Like I have, like, I thought, oh, he just, he listened, he watched, he was in my session

00:08:27.700 earlier in the day.

00:08:28.620 Ah, yeah.

00:08:29.260 My session was great.

00:08:30.480 And he's like, order of man podcast.

00:08:31.900 I'm like, oh, no way.

00:08:33.780 That's crazy.

00:08:34.540 This is great.

00:08:34.980 I love it, man.

00:08:35.760 I love it.

00:08:36.740 Yeah.

00:08:37.160 Cool.

00:08:37.580 All right.

00:08:37.820 What else?

00:08:38.920 Um, oh yeah, that's our question.

00:08:41.240 Yep.

00:08:41.540 Is that good?

00:08:42.240 I think we answered it.

00:08:43.660 All right.

00:08:43.960 I was getting all flattered being the assistant to the, no,

00:08:47.880 the assistant podcast assistant to the podcast, head podcaster, the head main podcaster.

00:08:56.120 Uh, your photo of your, your bearded dog came up on Facebook yesterday.

00:09:01.080 The one about the rant in the truck or whatever else.

00:09:03.780 Is that the one you're talking about?

00:09:05.020 Yeah.

00:09:06.720 So funny.

00:09:07.580 I don't know if that was directed at me, but it certainly is, uh, is fitting at times.

00:09:13.460 All right.

00:09:14.200 Chris Morrison.

00:09:15.400 Hey, Ryan and Kip.

00:09:16.240 How do you guys teach your children to think deeply beyond the surface and considering

00:09:20.780 numerous facets of various issues, deeply on faith, politics, culture, and just life

00:09:26.740 in general.

00:09:27.500 How are you doing this?

00:09:29.020 Uh, how are you doing this as they are young and how will evolve as they get older?

00:09:34.580 I'm generally just one, uh, wondering for my own growth and parenting.

00:09:38.260 I have a two year old and a five month year old, but I think about this daily and how can

00:09:42.400 I guide and help my children grow their ability to think deeply on any issue.

00:09:48.060 Looking forward to hearing you both.

00:09:49.700 Thank you.

00:09:50.100 This is a really good question.

00:09:51.360 I actually, I think this is a very, very thoughtful question.

00:09:54.300 Um, and, and I'll tell you what, the reason I like it is because I think most of the time

00:09:59.780 we as fathers or some sort of leadership capacity, whether it's in work or in a community or a

00:10:04.500 coach is we think that we need to be barking orders, right?

00:10:07.940 Like I direct, I delegate, I bark orders, I tell you what the vision is and what we're

00:10:11.660 doing.

00:10:11.940 And I tell you everything about how this is going to work.

00:10:13.900 And then you just follow orders.

00:10:15.260 And there's times for that.

00:10:16.340 There's times where that definitely needs to take place, but I think more effective than

00:10:20.520 that, whether again, it's your kids or employees or team leaders or whatever it may be, is that

00:10:25.040 we ask good questions.

00:10:27.560 The better that you can get at asking questions, the more effective leader I think you're going

00:10:32.760 to be, especially in the context of raising children is allow them to explore and, and

00:10:38.780 direct them down a path without leading them down the path, right?

00:10:43.340 You think about the physical act of walking down a trail.

00:10:46.060 Are you in front with your hand back and you're pulling them along or are you behind them asking

00:10:51.020 them, where do you think we should go?

00:10:53.000 What, what are we trying to accomplish?

00:10:54.480 Should we take this trail or that trail and allowing them to figure it out on their own.

00:10:57.760 And I'll give you a perfect example of this.

00:10:59.900 So this last weekend, me and my two oldest boys went up to the hunt expo in salt Lake.

00:11:05.600 And as we were driving back down, there's a song that I really like called Kate McKinnon

00:11:11.440 by Colter wall.

00:11:12.680 If you guys haven't heard that song, it's an unbelievable song.

00:11:15.940 The whole gist of the song is that this guy falls in love with this girl.

00:11:23.440 She, he catches her cheating and he kills her. 0.97

00:11:27.960 I like, that's what it is.

00:11:30.480 And it, and it's just a really good song, like the beat and the song and the energy and

00:11:36.120 the emotion.

00:11:36.600 It's just very, very interesting.

00:11:38.280 In the beginning of the song, it talks about how this guy is in jail because he killed Kate

00:11:44.740 McKinnon.

00:11:45.220 And there's a crow that comes down and basically is, is mocking him for being in jail for killing

00:11:54.020 this woman.

00:11:55.540 So me and my boys are listening to this song.

00:11:57.480 Cause I like the song and I wanted them to hear it.

00:11:59.280 And they're like, what does that mean?

00:12:00.420 And we were going through it.

00:12:01.420 And then I asked him, I said, what do you think the crow is?

00:12:04.880 Like, what is the crow an actual crow?

00:12:07.400 Or is the crow something else?

00:12:10.200 Like, what do you think the crow represents?

00:12:12.460 And dude, we talked about that for probably 40 minutes and they had some crazy answers

00:12:18.220 that were actually very, very insightful.

00:12:20.000 Now the crow could be just the crow, but I asked him about it.

00:12:22.840 And, and I can't remember one of my sons said, uh, the crow is the spirit of Kate McKinnon.

00:12:29.900 And my other son said, uh, the crow is God and he's passing judgment for the sin.

00:12:37.920 And another, and then my, my boy came back.

00:12:40.340 He says, no, the crow is his conscience knowing that he shouldn't have done what he did.

00:12:45.340 Like, dude, that's good.

00:12:47.400 These are crazy answers for an 11 year old and an eight year old.

00:12:51.740 Yeah.

00:12:52.220 And I didn't feed them any of that.

00:12:53.960 I just said, what do you think the crow represents?

00:12:56.320 And they shared with me things that I'm like, I didn't even consider that.

00:13:00.420 But that's a very small example of how I lead my children on a daily basis.

00:13:04.200 It's about asking questions, right?

00:13:06.240 What do you think about that?

00:13:07.440 Oh, you know, what do you think about this experience?

00:13:10.080 Did that person handle it right?

00:13:11.240 Or, or what would you do in that scenario?

00:13:12.960 And how would you handle yourself?

00:13:14.280 And if this situation happened and you found yourself in this set of circumstances,

00:13:17.420 what would you do?

00:13:18.520 And would that, would that be right?

00:13:20.000 Or would that be wrong?

00:13:20.800 Or how could you do it better?

00:13:22.160 These are all questions that I ask on a daily basis.

00:13:24.620 Another, I'll, I'll be fast on this example, but we went into my oldest son and I went

00:13:29.600 into a store probably a couple of years ago.

00:13:31.680 And I think I've talked about this.

00:13:32.880 It was, it was a bow shop and the guy was a total jerk, like an absolute, the owner of 1.00

00:13:39.780 the store was an absolute jerk.

00:13:41.820 And I ended up leaving the store without giving him my business.

00:13:47.180 And my son was like, dad, that guy was rude.

00:13:50.680 I said, yeah, I believe that's true.

00:13:53.360 I think he was, but how did you feel about that?

00:13:56.840 And why do you think he was rude?

00:13:58.320 And what do you think you would do if you owned the bow shop?

00:14:00.760 And how would you handle that situation as me that had to handle it?

00:14:04.100 And then how would you handle it as him, as the owner of that shop?

00:14:07.760 And we walked through all of this.

00:14:08.960 Did you ask him that question or he asked you that question?

00:14:10.860 No, no.

00:14:11.120 I asked him these questions.

00:14:12.860 I see.

00:14:13.340 Because I want him to process this stuff.

00:14:15.480 Like I don't want him to, I think here's the biggest gap is that we, we go through an

00:14:19.700 experience, whether it's an interaction with an individual or a circumstance in which we

00:14:23.420 find ourselves.

00:14:24.340 And we, as adults, men, fathers have been through this experience before.

00:14:29.420 So we kind of just process the experience without thinking much about it, right?

00:14:35.460 We just take action.

00:14:36.200 We do our thing, check, done.

00:14:37.560 Okay, now move on.

00:14:38.960 But what we fail to realize or remember is that our kids have never been through that

00:14:43.120 experience.

00:14:43.840 And I think our job as fathers is to connect the dots between what we're experiencing and

00:14:49.180 then how we're reacting.

00:14:50.560 And if I don't take time to just hit the pause button and ask my kids to process the experience,

00:14:56.780 I'm doing them a huge, huge disservice.

00:14:59.160 So we, we, after action review everything, what did you feel?

00:15:02.540 What did you experience?

00:15:03.320 Why'd you think that way?

00:15:04.180 What does the crow mean?

00:15:05.240 What do you think about this shop owner?

00:15:06.680 We go through all of that stuff because I want them to start thinking critically about

00:15:11.220 their experiences, not just being in it, but, but, but understand it, go on a deeper level

00:15:17.200 so that they can be more equipped to handle these situations and be independent, strong,

00:15:22.840 self-reliant adults when they grow up.

00:15:25.540 That's cool.

00:15:27.540 Um, I have a small example of this, a little bit, a little bit different angle.

00:15:33.860 So me and my, my boy and my wife were talking about, um, uh, gender gap and gender equality,

00:15:41.460 um, which is a little bit of a, um, debatable subject, I think.

00:15:47.120 But anyhow, we're having a conversation about it and, and, um, and he was kind of having

00:15:52.260 his own opinion and my wife's expressing her opinion.

00:15:55.640 And, and instead of just diving right in and saying, Oh, this is the way it is.

00:16:00.860 The point I tried to make to him was there's so much more to this story, right?

00:16:06.420 And everything, and I started giving him examples of how so often we hear things, even from school,

00:16:12.660 we get taught things, we watch the news or whatever, and it's way more complex than actually

00:16:19.100 just, Oh, gender equality.

00:16:21.160 Right.

00:16:21.580 And I started using examples.

00:16:22.780 Like for instance, if you look at the state of Utah and we've talked about gender equality,

00:16:26.400 how much of that is driven by the fact of women choosing to not be in the workplace and 1.00

00:16:31.500 choosing to be at home.

00:16:32.580 Right.

00:16:33.360 Right.

00:16:33.620 But if you just look at the raw numbers and go, Oh yeah, geez, women are, are, are making 1.00

00:16:38.100 substantially less money than men in the state of Utah.

00:16:40.500 Well, yeah, but there's more at play.

00:16:42.100 Sure.

00:16:42.640 There's a, there's a choice.

00:16:44.260 Okay.

00:16:44.720 Gender equality on, on wages. 0.59

00:16:46.820 How often, uh, how does the experience compare between the men and the female?

00:16:51.440 What's the educational level between the males and the females? 0.92

00:16:54.400 What jobs are they performing?

00:16:55.680 Right.

00:16:55.880 Exactly.

00:16:56.240 Exactly.

00:16:56.840 And so instead of, but I made sure not to come to a conclusion with him.

00:17:01.080 Instead, I said, there is more to the scenario and I use other examples like, man, things

00:17:07.860 are way more complex.

00:17:09.240 So don't worry.

00:17:10.920 And I, and I told him this, I'm like, don't focus on being right.

00:17:15.180 You're right.

00:17:15.700 It doesn't, there's not a right or wrong.

00:17:17.380 Just focus on understanding that things are far more complex and try not to be one of those

00:17:22.460 people that immediately jumped to a conclusion.

00:17:24.880 And you have a strong opinion, like, oh, this is the way it is.

00:17:27.540 No, actually realize that.

00:17:29.380 Guess what?

00:17:29.760 For you to really understand, you're going to have to put it in some legwork and really

00:17:33.540 understand the details and, and consider a lot of scenarios.

00:17:37.820 Right.

00:17:38.220 And so a little bit different, obviously not from a theology perspective, but for, from

00:17:43.600 politics and social is, you know, man, things are far more complex and don't worry about

00:17:48.540 taking a side as much as realizing that things are way more complex than you realize.

00:17:53.040 Right.

00:17:53.540 And helping them process all that information and perspectives and everything else.

00:17:57.520 Yeah.

00:17:58.120 Cool.

00:17:58.680 What else would you, would you say for Chris though?

00:18:00.740 One of the, one of the key things, if you had to step back is, is how you show up and

00:18:05.740 how you, I mean, I, I assume that your boys, uh, their deep response to the crow in that

00:18:13.320 song was a result of seeing mom and dad dissect things, hearing mom and dad read scripture

00:18:20.480 and analyze and ponder and, and think deeply about things.

00:18:24.600 And it's really through your example that they've kind of picked that up.

00:18:28.820 Uh, yeah, I, I mean, I think that's fair to say, but I would not say that that comes

00:18:33.980 at the expense of having the conversations with them.

00:18:36.640 Right.

00:18:37.080 So sometimes I think what we have a tendency to do is just say, Oh, as long as I'm a good

00:18:40.640 example, that's a huge part of it.

00:18:42.460 I'm not going to downplay the importance of being the type of man you want your children

00:18:46.040 to become, but it's not enough to say, well, I'm just a good example.

00:18:51.340 I'm a good example.

00:18:52.120 Like I'm doing this.

00:18:52.920 No, that's part of it.

00:18:54.720 But you also need to fill in the blanks and have the conversations and help them and encourage

00:19:00.180 and foster that thought process for themselves.

00:19:03.320 Like if you think deeply, but you never encourage them to think deeply, it's, it's, they're not

00:19:08.720 going to connect the dots because they're kids.

00:19:10.540 They're just not capable of that, of that connection yet.

00:19:13.200 You have to actually connect those dots.

00:19:16.160 Yeah.

00:19:16.280 That's a really good point.

00:19:17.380 I mean, yeah, to your point, uh, my seven year old loves the warrior kid books by Jocko.

00:19:24.400 Yeah.

00:19:24.860 And on a regular basis, it would be easiest.

00:19:27.720 And by the time, by the way, this is like when we're trying to go to bed, right?

00:19:30.740 Which is like always like managed chaos in our house.

00:19:34.300 And, um, and we usually will read a chapter out of one of those books at bedtime.

00:19:40.100 And it's really tempting just to push through, right.

00:19:43.860 And get that chapter done so they can't get in bed. 0.68

00:19:46.180 But recently at what I've been doing is I pause and say, Hey, Kika, what do you think is going

00:19:51.300 to happen?

00:19:51.960 Hmm.

00:19:52.640 Right.

00:19:52.880 What do you think Mark's going to do?

00:19:54.420 Great question, man.

00:19:55.500 You know?

00:19:55.780 And then she's like, Oh, I think he's going to give his money to his friend so he can have

00:20:00.220 by his own bike.

00:20:01.400 And, you know, so she's like kind of thinking it through, but it's also kind of giving me insight

00:20:05.380 of like, AKA Kika, what would you do?

00:20:08.700 That's kind of what I'm asking, right?

00:20:10.540 So I'm getting a little bit of insight in regards to how she sees the scenario and how

00:20:14.400 it should be handled.

00:20:15.380 I love it, man.

00:20:16.280 Those questions are critical.

00:20:18.120 Yeah.

00:20:18.360 I mean, we know the answer.

00:20:20.040 We don't need to project the answer.

00:20:21.800 We need to help them learn how to come up with and formulate their own answer.

00:20:26.100 All right.

00:20:26.340 We're beating a dead horse.

00:20:27.120 What else we got?

00:20:27.940 All right.

00:20:28.240 Chris Dalton, a few months ago, you posted a picture of you and your wife horseback riding.

00:20:32.400 Do you plan to take that up as a hobby as you've done with the guitar, AKA, when are we going

00:20:37.440 to hear you sing?

00:20:38.340 I added that part.

00:20:39.540 Also, where were those order of man assless chaps you were wearing in that picture? 1.00

00:20:46.600 Is it a hobby?

00:20:48.140 As of right now, no.

00:20:49.620 But when we moved to Maine, I envision having some livestock, including a few horses, which

00:20:56.880 I would love to ride around.

00:20:59.100 In your chaps. 0.81

00:20:59.960 In my assless chaps.

00:21:01.260 That's right.

00:21:01.760 Except for not in the winter, because that might be cold on my, on my hind haunches there.

00:21:08.200 But yeah, I don't, I don't think I'll take it up as a hobby, but maybe more as, as we

00:21:12.580 move, um, assless chaps to be determined. 1.00

00:21:16.360 Yeah.

00:21:17.960 As in, we'll never have those.

00:21:20.420 Bubba's going to ask for a pair of those now on the website.

00:21:23.960 So thanks a lot, Chris.

00:21:25.060 He can wear those with his order of man banana hammock.

00:21:27.700 I can't.

00:21:28.360 Why am I putting that vision in our mind?

00:21:30.740 All right, move on, move on.

00:21:33.740 All right.

00:21:34.480 Lazaro, uh, Cocho looking forward to order of man swag that, uh, that is coming in.

00:21:40.020 Ryan, when you were interviewed in clear hot, you mentioned starting a local or regional chapters.

00:21:45.660 What is the plan with that?

00:21:46.840 Uh, yes.

00:21:47.860 Well, so cleared hot is my friend, Andy stump.

00:21:50.180 Just, just to clarify there, if you guys aren't listening, that's a great podcast, uh, regional

00:21:54.120 and local chapters, man, there's so many moving parts to this.

00:21:57.460 Uh, so I am working in the backend.

00:22:00.020 Uh, Kip and I need to have some conversations about how this might work and the logistics

00:22:04.280 and everything else that goes into organizing this.

00:22:07.640 But I, I believe that this is a powerful next step.

00:22:10.880 Um, but there's just a lot of planning.

00:22:12.620 I want to make sure if we do it, that we do it right.

00:22:14.200 We're going to beta test it with a few people that I've, that I, that I know that I've identified.

00:22:18.180 Um, and we'll see, so I can't give you a whole lot of details cause we're still flushing a

00:22:23.460 lot of that out.

00:22:24.500 Yeah.

00:22:25.100 And, and just so you know, for you guys that are part of the IC, I mean, we have regional,

00:22:30.100 uh, channels within the system, uh, and guys are encouraged to, you know, kind of do some

00:22:36.840 meetups.

00:22:37.540 Yeah.

00:22:38.380 It's always nice to know that there's another member of the IC, uh, nearby.

00:22:44.540 Yeah.

00:22:44.900 Yeah.

00:22:45.140 I'm going to be in, uh, Atlanta this weekend and I'm going to reach out to the guys, see

00:22:51.380 who's in the area and we're going to do a little meetup all of us together.

00:22:54.980 So, yeah, I mean, we encourage that and foster that within the iron council.

00:22:57.720 Yeah.

00:22:58.140 I have to say this, right.

00:22:59.400 Because it's super cool.

00:23:00.400 So we had a little bit of a, a small little trimmer earthquake here up in Northern Salt

00:23:06.100 Lake.

00:23:06.300 Yeah.

00:23:06.320 That was a day before I got there, the morning that I got there or something.

00:23:09.020 So.

00:23:09.560 Yeah.

00:23:09.800 It's like 5am.

00:23:10.780 I jotted right out of bed.

00:23:12.420 I'm like, I think that was an earthquake.

00:23:14.460 Yeah.

00:23:14.700 And then it happened again.

00:23:15.980 And then I started getting a little nervous.

00:23:17.580 Like it, it kind of gotten my, um, my heightened awareness, you know, I, I grabbed my pack cause

00:23:24.400 we have backpacks so we can almost exit immediately, right.

00:23:28.580 And have gear and food and everything.

00:23:30.500 Yeah.

00:23:30.780 Uh, it was super nice.

00:23:32.040 My mom, my wife gave me some mad props for, for being prepared for our family.

00:23:36.960 Well played.

00:23:37.440 But what was cool about it too, was, uh, she posted that or I mentioned it, I think on

00:23:42.220 the IC or something and one guy's like, Oh man, you know, if you were missing anything,

00:23:46.960 I'm just, you know, a few, uh, miles, uh, west of you or, you know what I mean?

00:23:52.640 So you can always more than welcome to, I have extra gear at my place.

00:23:56.600 You know what I mean?

00:23:57.280 And I'm like, you know, that's awesome.

00:23:58.640 That's awesome.

00:23:59.300 That, that network that we're creating in the IC.

00:24:01.620 So absolutely.

00:24:02.120 There's so many benefits that come with it for sure.

00:24:04.440 Yeah.

00:24:05.020 All right.

00:24:05.560 Rick Brandon, have you ever considered interviewing a blacksmith on your podcast?

00:24:09.720 There are several very interesting Smiths out there and it would be fun to get their perspective

00:24:14.380 on masculinity in today's society.

00:24:17.120 Uh, I have not considered that, although I am not opposed to that.

00:24:20.400 In fact, I think that's a pretty cool idea.

00:24:22.080 Uh, so if you have some connections or thoughts, then have them reach out to me or give me their

00:24:26.900 contact information and we'll see if we can make something work.

00:24:29.120 But yeah, I'm definitely open to that.

00:24:30.400 If it's the, the right blacksmith with the right attitude and the right message, then by all 0.99

00:24:34.900 means, let's make it happen.

00:24:36.620 Cool.

00:24:36.740 All right, Jacob Beazley, what other masterminds are you part of and why?

00:24:42.900 Uh, let me think here.

00:24:45.020 I am part of a podcast mastermind, uh, because it's important that I connect with other professional

00:24:51.620 podcasters who are successful, who are implementing ideas and thoughts and strategies that I want

00:24:56.280 to use and enhance.

00:24:57.740 Uh, it's all, it also gives me feedback, right?

00:25:00.420 It gives me feedback on what's working well, what isn't working well.

00:25:03.140 Uh, these people have permission to, uh, tell me, you know, Hey, here's a thought or here's

00:25:08.980 an idea, or here's something that you did that we didn't like, or didn't quite go over.

00:25:12.780 Well, good.

00:25:13.280 I want to know about that.

00:25:14.520 Is it structured enough that you guys are like purposely listening to each other and providing

00:25:18.520 feedback?

00:25:18.900 Like it's kind of forced, not forced, but you know what I mean?

00:25:21.700 Kind of structured that way.

00:25:22.660 That's yeah.

00:25:23.260 That's the entire point of it is that it's, you know, you have hot seats and you're critiquing

00:25:27.500 each other's work.

00:25:28.380 And I mean, that's, that is the point, the design of it.

00:25:31.020 Um, I'm also surprisingly enough inside the iron council, which I get just as much help

00:25:37.740 and feedback and accountability and motivation from these guys specifically.

00:25:41.580 So we've got roughly 500 members of the iron council, but, uh, I'm also in our specifically

00:25:46.840 our battle team leader team.

00:25:48.100 So there's 20 of us roughly in inside of that team.

00:25:51.800 And I have a lot of accountability to these guys.

00:25:54.100 Not only am I trying to lead them effectively, but I am being led by them as well.

00:25:58.120 So I think those are the only two formal masterminds that I belong to right now.

00:26:02.320 Um, I'd get some coaching at the gym and have some friends where we can hold each other

00:26:05.440 accountable.

00:26:05.800 But as far as like specifically for accountability, masterminding, that kind of stuff, those, those

00:26:11.400 two right now.

00:26:12.640 Cool.

00:26:14.400 All right.

00:26:15.120 Bubba downs.

00:26:15.960 What equipment do you use for your home office studio, lighting, phone holder, camera, et cetera?

00:26:23.820 Uh, well, well, so for podcasting or I don't know, because he's saying phone holder, he wants

00:26:31.220 to know what kind of phone holder.

00:26:32.240 I don't know.

00:26:32.700 Just Ryan has the little stuffed animal thing that you put your phone on that holds it up.

00:26:36.900 That's right.

00:26:37.420 Yeah.

00:26:37.860 Arm doesn't get tired.

00:26:39.040 Yeah.

00:26:39.360 Well, I don't know what that is, but, um, I don't know.

00:26:42.500 I have some little like spider looking thing where you can adjust the arms and it's like

00:26:46.880 a little tripod and the arms adjust.

00:26:48.580 I don't, I don't know which one it is.

00:26:51.180 Um, that's all I use.

00:26:52.740 Just my phone in that for camera is you're just using your laptop camera, my laptop camera

00:26:58.620 or the camera on my phone.

00:26:59.940 If I shoot a video, uh, I am actually going to start doing more video interviews, um, for,

00:27:05.200 for the podcast itself.

00:27:06.200 And, and I see this being actually really cool when we move out to Maine is I've got

00:27:11.340 a place in the house that I can turn into a studio.

00:27:13.880 So, uh, Maine's a little hard for people to get to compared to LA, for example, or New

00:27:18.740 York, but I think it could pose a very cool opportunity for them to get an experience they

00:27:23.300 haven't had before and then bring them into my studio and do the recording there.

00:27:26.980 So I don't know what kind of cameras we'll use when we get there.

00:27:29.820 I've got friends who are in the business, uh, that, that, that record video.

00:27:34.540 So I can ask them and they'll set me up and get me taken care of.

00:27:38.460 That's cool.

00:27:39.440 Cool.

00:27:40.040 Yeah.

00:27:40.460 I will say this.

00:27:41.440 The other thing too, Kip is if people, people ask me a lot about my podcast equipment, if

00:27:45.080 you go to order of man.com slash podcast gear, I've got a, uh, a work.

00:27:50.740 It's not even a worksheet.

00:27:51.500 It's just a list of equipment that I use specifically for the podcast.

00:27:54.720 There's the at home podcasting setup, and then there's the, um, the travel setup that I

00:27:59.820 use.

00:28:00.400 So that's order of man.com slash podcast gear.

00:28:02.740 And then again, if you're interested in the podcast course, we're going to definitely

00:28:06.600 break all that down and talk about what equipment is best and how you can get the, the best bang

00:28:10.800 for your buck without, you know, going broke.

00:28:12.960 Um, that's going to be in the podcast course, which is order of man.com slash podcast pro.

00:28:17.580 And that's the same equipment that you recommended.

00:28:19.760 I get right.

00:28:20.920 Yeah.

00:28:21.100 Same stuff.

00:28:21.680 Uh huh.

00:28:21.960 Yeah.

00:28:22.760 See that guys.

00:28:23.400 I have the same stuff as Ryan.

00:28:24.600 That's right.

00:28:25.040 Just saying you do.

00:28:25.740 Brett Harding, what did you see yourself doing for a career at age 20?

00:28:32.000 It's kind of fun to question.

00:28:33.080 Oh, dude.

00:28:33.840 At 20, I was worried about where the next party was and getting drunk.

00:28:38.020 I mean, that's, that's it.

00:28:40.220 That's all I was worried about, man.

00:28:41.680 Like a lot of people ask me, cause I don't drink, I don't drink alcohol.

00:28:44.180 So a lot of people ask me, was there a time where I did?

00:28:47.860 Yes.

00:28:48.100 There was a time where I drank a lot of alcohol and it was at a high school into college.

00:28:53.080 Um, I had dropped out of college.

00:28:55.100 I was doing crazy, not crazy stuff, just doing menial work, like landscape.

00:29:00.860 I better be careful.

00:29:01.840 I would say that.

00:29:02.300 Cause I'm not, I'm not trying to undermine that.

00:29:03.900 I'm just saying that the work that I wasn't really engaged in, but it was, it was landscaping.

00:29:08.660 It was pizza delivery, stuff like this, college jobs, you know, fast food, that kind of stuff.

00:29:14.440 And I live for getting drunk, man.

00:29:16.620 On the week, not even the, I was going to say the weekends, not even the weekends, just on

00:29:19.160 the weekdays, I'd come home and have a six pack and try to get drunk.

00:29:21.880 And it was crazy, man.

00:29:24.140 So I wish when I was 20, I had a little bit more direction or clarity about what I wanted

00:29:28.600 to accomplish.

00:29:29.240 I kind of wonder sometimes how much further along the track I'd be, but I didn't.

00:29:33.600 So there you go.

00:29:36.420 I never had any idea I'd be doing this.

00:29:38.340 This wasn't a thing when I was 20.

00:29:40.560 That was almost, gosh, almost 20 years ago now.

00:29:43.140 See, I think 20, I was in the middle of college.

00:29:47.760 I had a kid on the way and a house.

00:29:50.560 So my focus was career, provide work as much as possible.

00:29:55.800 And back then it is a fun note.

00:29:58.400 I remember thinking if I could just graduate and make 40, 40,000, I'd be, I'd be living

00:30:04.840 the high life.

00:30:05.500 Yeah.

00:30:06.080 That was my goal.

00:30:07.480 40 K.

00:30:07.960 I know.

00:30:08.540 I remember getting like six, seven, $800 paychecks.

00:30:11.460 I'm like, I'm rich.

00:30:13.280 Totally.

00:30:13.880 I couldn't even pay for the diapers with that right now.

00:30:17.680 I know.

00:30:18.680 Jeez.

00:30:19.160 Totally.

00:30:19.620 Yeah.

00:30:20.360 All right.

00:30:20.860 Bradley Nilsson.

00:30:22.080 Oh, by the way, we've jumped into the questions from the Iron Council.

00:30:24.880 Sorry.

00:30:25.920 Bradley Nilsson, what does your time management look like?

00:30:28.680 How do you implement focus time?

00:30:30.600 What are your pitfalls for focus time?

00:30:32.440 And what do you do to protect against them?

00:30:34.340 Well, I, the first thing I do is I use our, our battle planner and our daily planner.

00:30:39.940 That's, I do that every single day.

00:30:41.520 So every single morning, I actually start the night before.

00:30:44.160 So at the end of every day, I go in, I look what I accomplished, what didn't I accomplish?

00:30:48.060 I roll it over the next day, figure out my priority, can I need to get X, Y, and Z done.

00:30:53.500 And I execute.

00:30:56.320 I mean, there's, look, there's, it's, I don't know if, if it's just my personality or what,

00:31:01.220 but I have no problem getting work done.

00:31:04.260 If I've got it listed out and I know what needs to be accomplished and I've got it in

00:31:07.460 my schedule and in my planner, I have no problem getting it done.

00:31:11.120 As far as time management, one thing that I utilize quite a bit is time blocking for

00:31:16.340 two things specifically for, for answering emails.

00:31:19.380 Cause I get a lot of emails and I can just crank out 20 or 30 or 40 at a time.

00:31:23.660 If I do it all at once, as opposed to spread out through the entire day.

00:31:26.740 Uh, and then also social media, I mean, it'd be very, very easy for me to get inundated

00:31:31.760 on social media between Instagram and Twitter and Facebook and YouTube and this and that

00:31:35.740 and everywhere else.

00:31:36.960 So I segment that out.

00:31:38.540 So I might spend, for example, 40 minutes, uh, at noon.

00:31:42.940 And I'm not saying that's the exact time, but just as an example, uh, answering replies,

00:31:48.560 answering messages, putting out a new post, but I block that time.

00:31:53.180 And then I don't look at it while I'm doing something else.

00:31:57.780 So, so that's how I block that time out.

00:32:00.780 And that's how I plan.

00:32:02.560 I, I don't really have some deep, significant, meaningful plan.

00:32:06.180 I just, I'm pretty relentless about my, my, my, uh, my planning strategy in the night and

00:32:11.340 in the morning.

00:32:12.260 And then I'm just, I'm just really good at execution.

00:32:15.500 That's, that's all there is to it.

00:32:17.300 I'm just good at it.

00:32:18.020 Yeah, I pretty much live and die by my calendar.

00:32:21.180 So I really put everything in there.

00:32:23.800 Um, Bradley asked about kind of pitfalls and I think this might allude or provide some insight,

00:32:30.260 Bradley.

00:32:30.620 So, um, if you don't mind me sharing an example, so one of, you know, we've, we've talked about

00:32:35.400 this quite a bit within the iron council.

00:32:37.340 We talk about, uh, calibration and, and one of the things that comes up from time to time

00:32:41.520 is the desire to maintain a journal.

00:32:45.800 And for me in my past, and I've run, I've, we've ran, I've seen this other guys have the

00:32:51.420 same exact problem is they start journaling and they do so much journaling that it becomes

00:33:00.140 a chore.

00:33:00.940 Like for instance, they go, you know, I'll journal for an hour.

00:33:04.220 And then the next day it's like, oh man, that's a whole hour.

00:33:06.980 I don't have time for a whole hour.

00:33:08.180 And so they, then they skip it.

00:33:09.460 So one of the pitfalls that I have sometimes is I'll get into my focus time and I do too

00:33:17.760 much.

00:33:18.220 I spend too much time on my focus time.

00:33:20.740 So the next time I need to do quote unquote focus time, I dread, I dread it or I avoid

00:33:26.420 it because it took too much time last time.

00:33:28.760 Does it make sense?

00:33:29.700 Yeah.

00:33:29.940 So I, I'm really intentional with, you know, if it's focused reading or if it's journal

00:33:35.420 that I stick to the minimum, um, of, you know, 30 minutes or 15 minutes.

00:33:40.840 And when I'm done, I'm done and I don't go above and beyond, uh, that way I don't kind

00:33:46.780 of set myself up for avoiding it next time.

00:33:49.640 If that makes sense.

00:33:50.700 So I try to stick to my time.

00:33:52.760 I think the consistency is very valuable.

00:33:54.460 And so I think, for example, let's take that hour long scenario you're using.

00:33:59.680 I think it's better to do 10 minutes, five days a week than it is to do an hour once

00:34:06.920 a week.

00:34:08.260 And I think that's true about just about anything, whether it's exercise or the way that you're

00:34:12.600 eating or you're journaling or you're practicing the guitar or whatever hobby or activity or

00:34:17.320 interest.

00:34:17.800 I think being consistent about it is significantly better than just doing it in lump segments

00:34:21.780 like that.

00:34:22.200 Now, sometimes you just have to get it done because you got to get it done.

00:34:24.300 But if you can be consistent daily, it's much more powerful.

00:34:27.620 Yeah, for sure.

00:34:28.440 I think the, uh, the pitfall that I would also suggest, cause I, I didn't catch that initially

00:34:32.620 is you should be very, very careful about letting other people's priorities become your priorities

00:34:39.140 because people will do that.

00:34:40.980 And they're not trying to be deceitful and they're not trying to be devious when they do

00:34:44.760 this, but people will just automatically assume that because they have a problem that somehow

00:34:50.160 that needs to be your priority and it doesn't.

00:34:52.500 Now, sometimes those priorities happen to be aligned and that's great.

00:34:55.580 But by default, Kip, your priority isn't my priority.

00:35:00.240 And I don't make your priority, my priority.

00:35:02.720 If they're alignment, great.

00:35:03.780 If they're not, then we get on the calendar and we get something scheduled and we figure

00:35:08.240 out a way to get it worked or we give each other a couple of days, but I don't make other

00:35:13.400 people's priorities and or problems, my priorities and or problems is something I don't do.

00:35:18.360 And you're going to need to learn to do that, especially as your demands for time and attention

00:35:21.780 become increasingly high.

00:35:25.280 Yeah.

00:35:25.460 I love that, right?

00:35:26.340 That's my number one.

00:35:27.620 That's my number one problem is, is, is making other people's priorities yours.

00:35:33.140 Yeah.

00:35:34.040 Or, or them just not, not me establishing those boundaries.

00:35:38.340 That's what it is.

00:35:38.860 It's not their fault.

00:35:40.120 That's what we need to be very clear about.

00:35:41.620 I think a lot of people will get, be a little bit contentious about this or have some resentment

00:35:46.460 about that other individual taking up their time.

00:35:48.600 And look, if you can't protect your time, that's not the individual's fault because you

00:35:52.840 do the same thing.

00:35:53.580 When you have a problem, you ask somebody to help solve it.

00:35:57.100 It's not, it's not the other person's fault.

00:35:59.940 It's your fault because you can't manage your own boundaries.

00:36:02.900 You can't establish your own boundaries and uphold those things.

00:36:05.400 So you're actually encouraging what you tolerate.

00:36:07.500 If you tolerate and allow people to come into your schedule and insert themselves,

00:36:11.620 into a phone call for like, I don't even answer my phone.

00:36:14.180 I do not answer my phone.

00:36:16.780 And, and people look at me weird all the time.

00:36:18.800 It's like, you don't answer it.

00:36:20.020 No, never.

00:36:21.000 The only people I answer my phone for are my wife, my mom.

00:36:26.180 And maybe if I know somebody is going to call me, but outside of that, nope, because

00:36:30.740 whatever you're calling about on your time is not my time.

00:36:34.740 And so I'm very deliberate and intentional about that.

00:36:37.040 And that's how I've been very productive and effective with the time that I do have.

00:36:41.540 Same thing when people ring the doorbell, like my wife and I debate this.

00:36:46.000 Drives me mad.

00:36:46.740 When people ring the doorbell, I don't go up and answer it.

00:36:49.840 And she's like, well, how come you didn't answer the door?

00:36:51.740 Because I didn't expect that individual to come over and whatever they want to talk about

00:36:56.280 is, is not my priority right now.

00:36:59.320 So if they want to schedule a time to come over, I have no problem with that, but don't,

00:37:04.100 but I don't, I'm not going to just drop everything because somebody come came by unannounced and

00:37:08.380 feels like they want to have a conversation with me.

00:37:10.760 Yeah.

00:37:11.720 So there it is.

00:37:13.380 I do the same thing.

00:37:15.200 All right.

00:37:15.860 Josh Guerrero, Ryan and Kip.

00:37:17.960 I've been talking to a woman lately.

00:37:19.380 Hey, Josh, don't do it.

00:37:21.280 Step away.

00:37:22.360 Do it.

00:37:23.040 No, do it.

00:37:23.800 No.

00:37:24.020 Okay.

00:37:24.260 Talk to her, dude. 0.70

00:37:25.740 Uh, you, I've been talking to a woman lately and I'm interested in asking her out. 1.00

00:37:29.600 However, I'm a bit nervous because she's quite successful and very well off financially and

00:37:33.700 has no debt.

00:37:34.640 Although I have a good job myself and I'm implementing the strategies for building wealth that we've

00:37:39.380 been discussing this month in the iron council, I'm still not near her level and I still

00:37:43.760 carry some debt.

00:37:44.880 I'd like to think that my efforts to better my finances would be considered attractive,

00:37:48.820 but I'm also concerned that my lower income and debt would be hard for her to overlook.

00:37:53.540 What do you guys think?

00:37:54.900 Sorry for the long winded question.

00:37:56.520 I appreciate you both.

00:37:57.740 Josh, I love you brother, but holy shit, man.

00:38:00.240 Ask the woman out. 1.00

00:38:01.920 Like you're overthinking this dude.

00:38:03.660 Just ask her out for a coffee or a drink or a dinner or a movie or whatever.

00:38:07.300 Like screw that other stuff.

00:38:09.220 Do it, man.

00:38:09.700 So, so I was at the gym a couple of days ago and I was trying to hit a PR and it was on

00:38:15.120 the back squat and I got under the weight and I pushed it up off of the rack and my immediate

00:38:21.100 thought was, damn, this is heavy.

00:38:23.780 And I backed up and I went to do the squat and I dropped the bar off my back because I

00:38:30.900 told myself it was heavy.

00:38:32.020 And then I was talking to my coach.

00:38:34.540 He's like, here, do this.

00:38:36.020 I want you to go over to this other bar.

00:38:38.420 So another guy was working out next to me.

00:38:39.800 He's like, go over to his bar.

00:38:40.700 Just ask if you can step in for a minute and just, just get under that weight and just stand

00:38:45.740 up.

00:38:45.980 I'm not asking you to do a squat with it.

00:38:47.320 I'm just asking you to stand up and I can't remember the weights.

00:38:49.460 Let's say, but it was more than yours.

00:38:51.260 It was more than mine.

00:38:51.860 Let's say I was going for, I don't know, two, two 85, somewhere in there.

00:38:55.740 His might've been three 15 or three 20.

00:38:57.620 He's like, just, just stand it up.

00:38:59.460 Don't squat it.

00:39:00.260 Just stand it up in the rack and then put it back on the rack.

00:39:02.680 I'm like, okay.

00:39:03.440 So I did that.

00:39:04.120 He's like, do it, do it three or four times.

00:39:05.500 So I did it three or four times, did it four times.

00:39:07.340 Okay.

00:39:07.780 I'm like, all right.

00:39:08.380 He's like, now get under this weight, your weight.

00:39:11.300 So I got under my weight, got on.

00:39:13.060 And my thought was, oh, this doesn't feel too bad.

00:39:16.940 And I dropped down, pushed it back up, hit that PR.

00:39:21.440 Nothing about the weight changed.

00:39:23.580 Nothing about the environment changed.

00:39:25.460 The only thing that changed, nothing about my physical fitness changed.

00:39:28.140 In fact, I was probably more tired.

00:39:30.240 The only thing that changed was my mindset that I had psyched myself out on that first

00:39:35.980 attempt by telling myself it was heavy.

00:39:38.260 I was in over my head.

00:39:39.400 I couldn't do it.

00:39:41.040 On the second attempt, my mindset was, oh, this doesn't feel too bad.

00:39:45.160 This is actually pretty light compared to what I just lifted.

00:39:47.300 And I dropped and hit the weight.

00:39:49.460 It's the same principle here.

00:39:51.200 You're psyching yourself out.

00:39:53.220 You're getting in your head.

00:39:54.320 Oh, what if she worries about my finances?

00:39:56.340 And what if this, and what, what if you guys don't even like each other?

00:39:59.420 Like worry about that first.

00:40:01.340 Let's see if we're compatible, compatible, compatible.

00:40:04.700 If I can say that, not compatible, compatible.

00:40:07.140 The complete opposite.

00:40:09.920 Let's see if, if there's some chemistry here, but yeah, be very careful of like telling

00:40:15.640 yourself, oh, she's out of my league and she's rich and I'm not, or she's beautiful. 1.00

00:40:19.740 And I have this scar from when I was a kid or whatever it is.

00:40:23.120 You're telling yourself like, yeah, get out of your head.

00:40:26.080 You're in your head.

00:40:26.800 Just go ask the woman out right now. 1.00

00:40:28.340 Like, like turn this podcast off and go ask her right now.

00:40:32.860 And then you can jump back on and listen to the podcast after you secure the date.

00:40:36.900 And not only that, but Josh, dude, you're on the path, man.

00:40:41.260 You're, you're getting your shit figured out.

00:40:43.920 You, you know what you're doing from a finance perspective.

00:40:47.020 That's honorable.

00:40:47.980 It doesn't matter where you're at on that path.

00:40:50.080 Like, Hey, you're getting your shit together and you're taking care of it, you know?

00:40:54.560 And by the way, if she did, and she looked down on you as a man, because of quote unquote,

00:40:59.860 this scenario, even though you're on the path of correcting things and you're, and you're

00:41:05.300 going in a really positive direction, it might not be a woman you want to be with anyway. 0.75

00:41:10.560 Yeah.

00:41:10.960 If she doesn't appreciate that.

00:41:12.160 I mean, that's, that's going to be, well, that's what I'm saying.

00:41:14.380 And like the financial thing you're going to address, that would be like, it would be

00:41:19.140 like saying, Oh, I really liked this woman.

00:41:21.620 I don't know.

00:41:22.140 She may want five kids and I only want two. 0.61

00:41:24.360 I guess I just won't ask her out.

00:41:25.840 It's like, you don't even know yet.

00:41:27.800 Yeah.

00:41:28.280 Give yourself a fighting chance.

00:41:30.440 Yeah.

00:41:30.840 You got this, Josh.

00:41:31.860 All right.

00:41:32.520 What irony enough, ironic enough.

00:41:34.940 When I dated Asia, um, we dated for a while and I think we've already even decided to

00:41:41.260 get married.

00:41:42.260 And at one point she, she's like, Hey, so how much do you make?

00:41:45.580 And I'm like, really?

00:41:46.460 We've never had this conversation.

00:41:47.880 Hmm.

00:41:48.320 Never even came up.

00:41:49.900 She had no idea how much I made or, or any, in fact, she insulted me and she, I think she's 1.00

00:41:54.360 like, Oh, I, well, how much do you programmers make?

00:41:57.040 Like 30,000.

00:41:58.100 And I'm like, Oh my goodness.

00:42:00.620 I'm like, I love you for 40,000.

00:42:04.760 Right.

00:42:04.980 Isn't that what you were shooting for?

00:42:06.280 40 grand.

00:42:07.440 Yeah.

00:42:07.680 Well, that was like 10 years earlier, but all right.

00:42:10.980 What else we got?

00:42:11.820 All right.

00:42:12.260 Paul simmered.

00:42:13.280 Is there any, uh, is there a way to assess your wife's love language without having her

00:42:18.100 read the book or be actively engaged?

00:42:20.340 My wife doesn't buy into this stuff, but I know what I'm doing.

00:42:23.860 Isn't hitting the mark trial and error could be costly in more than one way.

00:42:28.400 Just not just financially.

00:42:30.700 She doesn't need to read the book for you to read it.

00:42:34.100 Yeah.

00:42:34.580 Like the point of the book is that you read it and you figure it out based on what she

00:42:39.780 responds to and what she doesn't respond to.

00:42:41.760 And you ask her and you have conversations.

00:42:43.340 You don't even need to frame it in the context of the book.

00:42:45.300 Just say, Hey, you know, do you appreciate when I get you flowers?

00:42:48.380 She's like, no, I don't like flowers.

00:42:49.260 Like my wife would say that my wife would say, yeah, I don't know.

00:42:52.540 I don't really like flowers.

00:42:53.880 Oh, okay.

00:42:54.740 Good to know.

00:42:55.720 And then, and then next week you, you take on, take her on a date and you, you plan the

00:43:00.260 whole thing out and you surprise her and say, Hey, did you appreciate this?

00:43:03.300 Did you, did you like this?

00:43:04.560 Oh yeah.

00:43:04.900 It was just, Oh, I love it.

00:43:05.900 And you know, you're connected, right?

00:43:08.020 You know, you know what she responds to and what she doesn't, if you're intentional about

00:43:11.620 it.

00:43:11.840 So she doesn't need to read the book, just observe, read the book, get the information,

00:43:16.480 observe what she responds to and what she doesn't respond to.

00:43:18.540 And then, and then move forward.

00:43:20.000 I can't help but think that not, I, I can't help but think that every woman would answer 0.82

00:43:25.600 that question.

00:43:26.440 If we went to them and said, Hey, out of all the things I do, what makes you feel appreciated

00:43:30.300 the most?

00:43:31.080 Right.

00:43:32.240 I think most women would answer that question. 0.99

00:43:34.720 Right.

00:43:34.840 Because they want more of it.

00:43:36.460 Yep.

00:43:37.320 So, all right.

00:43:38.420 Bart false.

00:43:39.760 What is the thing that most people are most often shocked to find out about you?

00:43:46.000 Um, I don't, I think it's funny when you talk about drinking.

00:43:51.540 Oh yeah.

00:43:52.180 A lot of people wouldn't think that that's for sure.

00:43:54.660 Yeah.

00:43:55.600 Um, that I didn't have a beard once.

00:43:58.120 Maybe.

00:43:58.360 I don't know.

00:43:58.660 It's hard because I'm, I'm a pretty open book.

00:44:00.640 Like I share everything.

00:44:03.400 A lot of people don't know I was in the military.

00:44:05.920 I don't talk about that a whole lot.

00:44:07.240 Not that I'm hiding it.

00:44:08.100 It's just, I get so sick of these people who just talk, I was a veteran.

00:44:11.500 I talk about how patriotic and how much service they've given to their country.

00:44:15.760 It's like, you know, I'm proud of that, but I don't need to brag about it.

00:44:18.860 It's just, it was just part of my life at that point.

00:44:21.320 Um, maybe that I was a financial advisor.

00:44:25.580 I think that people look at me and they're like, wait, what?

00:44:28.080 Because I don't look anything like a financial advisor.

00:44:31.600 Yeah.

00:44:32.080 How about where you live?

00:44:32.980 Does that shock people?

00:44:34.160 Where I live?

00:44:34.720 Does that ever come up?

00:44:35.520 Yeah.

00:44:36.200 In Utah or what?

00:44:38.040 No, I don't think so.

00:44:38.800 Maybe.

00:44:39.240 I don't know.

00:44:39.860 Like what would be shocking about that?

00:44:41.740 I don't know.

00:44:42.400 I just assume like, do people assume that you live somewhere else?

00:44:45.200 Oh, no.

00:44:45.980 Uh, maybe that I'm Mormon.

00:44:47.380 That might be one thing.

00:44:48.400 People are like, oh, really?

00:44:49.240 And you know, what's funny is people who are Mormon or LDS, they, they know, even without 0.91

00:44:54.300 me saying anything, like I might make a post where I bring it up or, or mention on this

00:44:58.420 podcast, for example, and they'll message me back and they'll say, oh, I didn't, I didn't

00:45:01.780 know you were LDS, but I kind of had an idea based on some things that you've talked about.

00:45:05.180 Yeah.

00:45:05.400 You don't sound like a Mormon. 0.98

00:45:06.780 Yeah.

00:45:07.300 Or look like one, maybe Brigham Young or something, but, um.

00:45:12.680 Or to Rockwell.

00:45:13.640 That's right.

00:45:15.360 Uh, yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't know.

00:45:17.800 Who knows?

00:45:19.240 All right.

00:45:20.960 Tom Kingwell.

00:45:22.760 What is your view on using plant medicine and other substances to enhance your mind and

00:45:27.540 body to help one figure things out, overcome fear, elevate consciousness in a way men like

00:45:32.820 Aubrey Marcus, Tim Ferriss, and Joe Rogan do?

00:45:36.460 Um, well, I'll give you a personal friend of mine, Ben Greenfield, uh, geeks out on this

00:45:42.220 stuff.

00:45:43.220 And I, I sometimes wonder like how much, how, how much of a difference it's actually making.

00:45:50.560 Will it work?

00:45:51.280 Sure.

00:45:51.940 I believe there's a lot of value in what these guys are talking about.

00:45:54.680 How much of the needle is it actually moving?

00:45:56.720 I don't know.

00:45:57.600 I don't know.

00:45:58.040 I'm more of the mindset, maybe more of a minimalist mindset.

00:46:01.760 Like I don't care if you're going to take a bunch of plant medicine or, or this voodoo 1.00

00:46:06.260 stuff or whatever it is that you, and I'm not suggesting it is, but I don't care what

00:46:09.280 it is.

00:46:09.440 Like if you're eating a Burger King Whopper every day, it's like, focus on that first.

00:46:15.000 Okay.

00:46:15.860 Or, or the, like the latest and greatest little fad diet or little exercise program. 0.90

00:46:20.920 And, and yet you're not doing deadlifts, bench press and squats.

00:46:25.460 Like, okay, do that first.

00:46:27.900 And then we can worry about these ancillary things.

00:46:31.300 But I think most people don't even do the basics and they get caught up in, well, what

00:46:38.800 supplement and what fish oil and what omega fatty acid and what, I don't even know, because

00:46:44.340 I don't really get too into that because I, I think the basics will get you 90% of the

00:46:49.340 way there, or maybe even further.

00:46:50.820 And yet most people, I think get caught up in that so they can excuse themselves out of

00:46:55.700 the basics, right?

00:46:58.000 Like if there's some little special hack or trick or cheat code that actually works and

00:47:03.920 I'll give it credibility that actually works.

00:47:05.700 If it's that, then I can just do that.

00:47:07.220 And then I won't have to do my deadlifts.

00:47:08.840 No, you still got to do your deadlifts.

00:47:10.560 Do that first.

00:47:11.720 Then you can focus on all these other things.

00:47:13.680 So is there validity to what Aubrey and Joe and Ben and the likes are talking about?

00:47:17.600 A hundred percent, a hundred percent.

00:47:20.060 But these are guys you got to consider like Ben Greenfield.

00:47:24.060 These are guys that are operating at peak performance.

00:47:28.080 Like they've already got, they've already got the 95% figured out. 0.85

00:47:33.540 Yeah.

00:47:34.100 So they're doing the other five to 10%.

00:47:36.140 You don't have the 90% figured out and I don't, I'll be truthful. 1.00

00:47:39.740 I don't have the 90% nailed down.

00:47:42.080 So I'll focus on that.

00:47:43.340 And when I get that taken care of, I'll focus on the five to 10.

00:47:45.840 It's, it's like, look, your time is finite and your energy and your finances is finite.

00:47:52.260 So if I can spend a dollar, we'll just use it in the context of money.

00:47:55.180 If I can spend a dollar, then I'm going to spend it in the most effective place possible

00:48:00.360 that will yield the highest possible result.

00:48:05.140 Otherwise I'm being inefficient.

00:48:07.000 So if you've already got the 90%, cool.

00:48:08.980 All right.

00:48:09.240 Now we go to five to 10, but focus on the 91st.

00:48:13.780 Yeah.

00:48:14.560 All right.

00:48:15.040 Dennis Morris, how have you re rewritten scripts in your life that were negative?

00:48:21.400 Can you share an example of a negative script that at one time held you down and now you

00:48:26.600 have moved past?

00:48:27.780 How did you identify the script?

00:48:29.640 How did you rewrite it?

00:48:31.240 How did it change the actions you take in life?

00:48:33.960 So this works really well in the context of money.

00:48:36.100 And we're actually talking about this in the iron council this month.

00:48:38.640 And one of the, well, in the first week we were talking about this, we were talking about

00:48:42.840 the money, the wealth mindset, I believe is what we, we, we dubbed it.

00:48:45.920 And we were talking about the scripts, you know, what are the scripts you hear?

00:48:48.540 And, and the scripts that I heard when I was younger is money doesn't grow on trees.

00:48:52.860 I heard things like money is the root of all evil.

00:48:55.280 I heard things like a penny saved as a penny earned.

00:48:58.360 I remember one time in particular, we, we went to pay less is where I got all of our shoes

00:49:04.660 because we weren't broke, but we weren't wealthy.

00:49:06.560 And so we, we had clothes and we had food on the table and a roof over our head.

00:49:09.880 Never had to worry about that stuff, but all of my shoes, they were always purchased at

00:49:13.280 pay less.

00:49:14.400 And I remember I got some shoes, they were cheetahs and I got some shoes from pay less

00:49:19.040 and I got to school and I thought I was so cool.

00:49:20.900 Cause I had these brand new kicks and Tim, I remember his name, Tim made fun of my cheetahs.

00:49:27.420 And I was like, I was devastated.

00:49:29.660 I was heartbroken because I thought they were cool and he didn't.

00:49:33.160 And maybe I liked him or something.

00:49:34.240 I don't know.

00:49:34.700 I don't know what, but it got to me here.

00:49:36.560 I am 40 years later or whatever, talking about it.

00:49:38.480 Right.

00:49:39.900 So one of the things is my wife, she's like, okay, I'm going to go get the kids shoes. 0.96

00:49:44.320 And she talks about getting the discount stores, like pay less and some of these others.

00:49:47.060 I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

00:49:48.100 We don't buy shoes for our kids at pay less.

00:49:50.360 Like they're going to get vans or they're going to get Nikes.

00:49:54.620 Like they're going to get the, the shoes, the designer shoes.

00:49:57.640 And then she's like, why that's stupid.

00:49:58.760 They're going to outgrow them in two months.

00:49:59.960 I'm like, I don't care.

00:50:00.860 This is what they're getting.

00:50:01.680 These are the scripts.

00:50:04.140 Like it sounds silly, but we do it every single day.

00:50:07.920 We, we operate based on the scripts that we believe the scripts that we bought into the

00:50:13.360 scripts that we tell ourselves.

00:50:14.540 And so how do you begin to identify?

00:50:16.780 You start asking yourself, is what I believe about this environment or situation true?

00:50:21.780 And is it serving me?

00:50:23.800 So one of the scripts I told myself about money for a long time is that because I watched my

00:50:28.840 mother, who I love dearly, who is a hardworking, empathetic, loving, kind, caring person.

00:50:35.600 I saw those positive characteristics in her, and I saw her struggle financially.

00:50:42.920 And what I did is I put those two things together.

00:50:47.920 I said that if, if you want to be a strong, loving, hardworking, caring, empathetic person

00:50:55.180 of integrity, then you have to struggle financially.

00:50:59.340 That's a really strange set of circumstances or variables to put together.

00:51:04.740 And yet that's exactly what I did.

00:51:06.840 So early on in my career, I want to do, I wanted to be this, this positive type of individual.

00:51:13.940 And therefore I thought I had to struggle.

00:51:15.260 So I would do things.

00:51:15.980 I think that would subconsciously sabotage myself.

00:51:18.560 And when I'd start to see a little bit of success, I'd, I'd scale back and be, whoa,

00:51:22.860 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I can't have too much success here.

00:51:24.920 Cause I want to be this noble person I'm talking about.

00:51:27.920 It comes through a process of identification of whether or not that script is serving you

00:51:31.780 and whether you're not, you're producing the results.

00:51:33.400 So what I noticed in my life is that I wasn't producing wealth in my life for years and years.

00:51:38.100 I'm like, what the hell is going on?

00:51:40.620 And it was the script that was keeping me back.

00:51:42.560 So I had to rewrite it and I was exposed to rewriting that script through wealthy individuals.

00:51:49.860 I found people that were succeeding in the financial planning practice that they had.

00:51:53.400 I found other people who were succeeding and who were very well financially.

00:51:57.420 And I realized, oh, a lot of these people are very, very well to do financially and they're

00:52:02.700 good people.

00:52:04.360 So maybe that script I've been telling myself is not accurate.

00:52:07.660 Maybe you can actually be a good person and build insane amounts of wealth.

00:52:12.560 And you know, it's really funny when I started to wrap my head around this thought process

00:52:16.580 and this idea that those two variables are separate, I started to build wealth in my life

00:52:21.400 and I continue to build wealth in my life.

00:52:23.480 I think an individual can be noble with or without money, but I think having money gives

00:52:31.400 me so much more ability to be the type of individual that I want to be.

00:52:36.780 I don't have to worry about money, which means that I can focus on my kids and I can coach

00:52:40.600 their teams.

00:52:41.060 I can give to charities.

00:52:42.280 I can get involved in, in, uh, organizations and, and nonprofit opportunities because I

00:52:48.300 don't have to worry about the financial side.

00:52:50.120 That thought process serves me significantly better than I have to be, I have to struggle

00:52:55.520 financially in order to be a noble individual.

00:52:59.040 How did you identify that script though, Ryan?

00:53:02.200 Like how did you realize that was an issue?

00:53:04.560 I wish I could tell you there was some aha moment where I said, okay, this is why, um, I just

00:53:09.340 recognize that these individuals are wealthy.

00:53:12.020 They were good people.

00:53:13.280 And so I think I just started working towards that, right?

00:53:17.000 Like, Oh, I can be a good person.

00:53:18.420 I didn't recognize that I had this script over here that was saying that I equate nobility

00:53:23.960 to being broke.

00:53:25.620 You just saw that your perception was inaccurate.

00:53:28.040 No, I saw that, that, yes, I think that's a good way to say it because I saw that there

00:53:32.960 was noble people who were rich and it questioned.

00:53:36.960 I'm like, Oh, wait a second.

00:53:38.580 Okay.

00:53:38.940 So I can be a good person and still build wealth.

00:53:41.100 Oh, that's cool.

00:53:41.500 So I started to replace the script even before I think I fully realized that that was the

00:53:45.940 script I had programmed myself by.

00:53:47.580 I see now just through reflection and understanding and being aware of it and being asked questions

00:53:52.500 like this, I've identified, Oh, that was what was going on, but I don't think I realized

00:53:56.520 it at the time.

00:53:57.340 So what I'm saying is that you can rewrite scripts before you even realize what the scripts

00:54:02.980 are by surrounding yourself with people who are achieving the results that you're after,

00:54:06.780 whether it's fitness results, marriage results, fatherhood results, community service

00:54:10.480 results, financial results, business results, surround yourself with those people and their

00:54:14.880 scripts will start to play a role in your life.

00:54:18.040 Yeah.

00:54:18.540 When you're, is there any type of process that you've, you've seen for you or other people

00:54:24.600 where that rewrite process is, is part of a, I don't know, a morning ritual or a morning

00:54:30.460 routine where you're, you know what I mean?

00:54:33.080 Have an internal dialogue and, and stating your rewritten script or is it, or is it just

00:54:39.400 intellectually seen it differently or you know what I mean?

00:54:43.140 Yeah.

00:54:43.360 Is, is there some intentional action that sometimes that needs to happen?

00:54:46.640 Do you think?

00:54:47.160 It's the after action review.

00:54:49.100 Okay.

00:54:49.540 We, we talk about that all the time, right?

00:54:51.220 What did I do?

00:54:51.900 Well, what, excuse me, let me back up.

00:54:53.360 What did I accomplish?

00:54:55.140 What didn't I accomplish?

00:54:57.320 What did I do?

00:54:59.300 Well, what did I not do so well?

00:55:02.240 And what am I going to do moving forward?

00:55:04.060 I think another question you could probably ask is why, right?

00:55:07.300 Why didn't I accomplish this?

00:55:09.160 What kept me from accomplishing this or, or why did I accomplish it?

00:55:13.620 What actions did I take that got me there?

00:55:15.920 What was my thought process behind that?

00:55:17.760 Another question, uh, who are people who are achieving these results and what are they doing?

00:55:22.640 And, and more importantly than what are they doing?

00:55:25.100 How are they thinking?

00:55:27.080 See these, I heard a great, a great quote, and it's the quality of your life will be determined

00:55:32.820 by the quality of questions that you ask.

00:55:36.920 So the more, and we talked about this with our kids, right?

00:55:39.500 The more questions you can ask of your children, they're going to have a better life, but the

00:55:43.260 more questions that you can ask of yourself, why do I think this?

00:55:47.320 Where did I learn this?

00:55:48.140 Is it serving me?

00:55:48.940 Is it not serving me?

00:55:49.980 If there was something else I could do, what would it be?

00:55:52.320 And what results would that yield?

00:55:54.660 These are great questions that you have to get in the habit of asking.

00:56:00.040 And the after action review is the perfect little formula or system or tool to help you

00:56:06.000 build that practice of asking yourself questions.

00:56:09.240 Yeah.

00:56:11.620 Like it.

00:56:12.760 All right.

00:56:13.520 We're going into Facebook territory.

00:56:16.160 All right.

00:56:17.080 Thanks for the warning.

00:56:19.100 Paul, they're pretty good.

00:56:20.520 Usually Paul Burke was regarding a man's self-improvement.

00:56:24.660 In your opinion, what is the most important thing he can do?

00:56:30.200 Take ownership of his life.

00:56:33.040 I mean, if you're, if that's the foundation for everything else, I wish I could say that

00:56:36.960 it's this one thing that I thought of that nobody else has thought of before, but this

00:56:40.340 is as old as man himself.

00:56:43.160 Jocko talks about it through discipline comes freedom.

00:56:46.460 Aristotle talked about it 2000 years ago when he said through discipline comes freedom is

00:56:51.500 you've got to be disciplined and you've got to take the ownership of your

00:56:54.640 own life.

00:56:55.260 You've got to, you've got to own it.

00:56:57.600 And I think what we do so often is that we just give this away, right?

00:57:02.060 It's like, Oh, it was this person or that person or the economy or the president or this

00:57:06.120 person victimized me.

00:57:07.220 And it's like, you know, some of that may be true, but damn, start taking some ownership

00:57:12.360 of your life.

00:57:13.420 I see it in the Facebook group all the time, which Paul's, Paul's part of right here.

00:57:16.860 Cause that's where these questions are coming from.

00:57:18.440 And I'm not saying it's coming from Paul, but I'm saying like, take some ownership of

00:57:22.160 your life.

00:57:23.880 Take some ownership of your relationship.

00:57:25.560 Oh, my wife's a bitch. 1.00

00:57:26.440 Cause this and that and this.

00:57:27.580 Okay.

00:57:27.900 Well, are you, cause maybe you are too, and you can't do anything about her, but you sure

00:57:33.100 is, can do something about yourself.

00:57:36.740 So it's, it's, it's ownership, man.

00:57:39.520 It's ownership.

00:57:40.020 Cause everything else is built from ownership.

00:57:43.900 Yeah.

00:57:44.360 I mean, if you don't, if you don't come to the realization that, that it's the way it

00:57:48.900 is because of you, you're obviously, you're not going to be driven to change anything.

00:57:52.620 Right.

00:57:53.100 And I don't want to discount the fact that there might be external sources.

00:57:56.520 Two things can exist at once.

00:57:58.040 So we'll go to that wife analogy. 0.97

00:57:59.640 Your wife can be a bitch and you can be a bitch simultaneously, right? 1.00

00:58:04.200 Like, like one doesn't have to come at the expense of the other, but there's nothing

00:58:08.240 you can do about it.

00:58:09.120 And let's use a different example than that.

00:58:10.720 Um, your boss can be an a-hole and you can be a shitty employee simultaneously.

00:58:18.080 You can't change your boss, but you can be a better employee.

00:58:22.720 So focus on what you can control and stop focusing on things that are outside of your

00:58:29.860 control.

00:58:30.360 This is a big, this is a big premise of stoicism.

00:58:33.000 And I know stoicism gets on, gets a, gets a bad rap, especially with this American psychological

00:58:37.700 association saying that, that stoicism is associated with traditional masculinity, which I agree

00:58:42.180 it is.

00:58:43.000 Uh, but they've defined it inaccurately by saying that it's suppression of emotions.

00:58:46.760 It's not that at all.

00:58:48.080 It's an understanding of your emotions and being able to, to focus on what is within your control

00:58:54.560 and what is outside of your control.

00:58:57.000 And then just choosing to focus on the things that are going to propel you forward, which

00:59:00.120 is again, what's in your control.

00:59:02.020 So yeah.

00:59:03.000 And the analogy that you used with a boss being an asshole, like why do you care he's

00:59:07.500 asshole?

00:59:08.220 Oh, cause it pisses you off.

00:59:09.580 Oh, well that you are in control of.

00:59:11.580 Sure.

00:59:12.220 Yeah.

00:59:12.600 How you react, right.

00:59:14.200 It's still in your control.

00:59:15.140 Right.

00:59:15.340 And, and here's another thought, your boss is an a-hole.

00:59:18.020 You know that you've been working there for five years.

00:59:19.920 So stop working there.

00:59:21.680 Yeah.

00:59:22.200 Go find another job.

00:59:23.040 Oh, I can't because the economy.

00:59:24.280 No, you can't because you didn't acquire any new skills and you haven't done any networking

00:59:28.280 and you haven't, uh, promoted yourself or put yourself out there or marketed yourself.

00:59:33.220 It's not, it's not the economy.

00:59:34.500 It's you.

00:59:35.400 Yeah.

00:59:36.600 So ownership is the answer.

00:59:38.600 All right.

00:59:39.480 Chris Andrian being decisive is a necessary skill for success.

00:59:44.460 If you, if you've been struggling with that, what's a great way to train and overcome it?

00:59:49.720 Personally, I find it challenging in my family situation the most on my own.

00:59:54.680 There's usually never a problem.

00:59:56.320 Um, how can I train my children to be more decisive?

00:59:59.800 Well, forget about your children.

01:00:01.440 You focus on yourself for a minute.

01:00:03.000 Like you got to be more decisive.

01:00:04.800 How do you train decisiveness?

01:00:06.640 You be decisive.

01:00:08.020 So when somebody says, what was it?

01:00:10.340 What was the guy's name?

01:00:11.760 Uh, Chris.

01:00:12.500 So when somebody says, Hey, Chris, where would you like to go for lunch?

01:00:14.880 Don't say, I don't know, wherever you'd like to go.

01:00:18.400 Say, I want to go to Olive Garden or wherever.

01:00:22.000 I don't, I don't know.

01:00:22.980 Like make a damn decision.

01:00:24.380 And then you realize, Oh, that was easy.

01:00:27.480 And with your family is when they're being wishy-washy or they're asking you questions

01:00:31.160 or like, what should we do today?

01:00:32.320 Or what?

01:00:32.720 Have an idea.

01:00:33.620 Here's what we're going to do.

01:00:35.600 If you have a problem with that, let me know if there's something better until then.

01:00:38.220 Here's what we're going to do.

01:00:38.940 And it becomes less scary, less intimidating.

01:00:43.360 And, and then once you get that figured out, then your kids are going to see that and you

01:00:47.260 foster that in your children, but you can't folk you're asking about based on what I'm

01:00:52.320 hearing is you're asking, how do you help your children with this?

01:00:55.260 And yet you don't have it tackled.

01:00:56.540 You can't help them if you don't know how to do it.

01:00:58.800 So how do you be more decisive?

01:01:00.720 You, you focus on decisiveness.

01:01:02.980 If you're in the bookstore, for example, and you've got five books and you're like,

01:01:06.680 Oh, I don't know.

01:01:08.140 Pick one, just pick one.

01:01:10.940 That's it.

01:01:11.680 You just be decisive.

01:01:12.540 And then you're like, Oh, okay.

01:01:14.160 That wasn't so bad.

01:01:15.240 And then you do it again.

01:01:16.360 When somebody asks you what restaurant to go through or go to, and you ask, you know,

01:01:20.200 when you're sitting down and then looking at the menu and you got five choices and you're

01:01:22.740 like, Oh man, pick one as quickly as possible, as quickly as you possibly can.

01:01:27.460 And you're going to start getting better at being decisive.

01:01:31.800 All right.

01:01:32.340 There you go.

01:01:32.800 Chris shade Rodolfo, raising sons and raising daughters, which do you find more challenging

01:01:39.660 and why?

01:01:42.580 Um, well, raising daughters is more challenging.

01:01:46.680 I heard a great thing.

01:01:47.820 It said, if you have a son, you have to worry about one penis.

01:01:50.180 If you have a daughter, you have to worry about all the penises. 1.00

01:01:53.600 Um, that's part of it for sure.

01:01:55.600 It's a huge part of it.

01:01:56.440 The other side is I don't know what it's like to be a, be a, be female.

01:02:00.960 So I, I know what it's like to be a boy.

01:02:03.360 I know what they like to do.

01:02:04.380 I know, I know they like to rough house and they like to get dirty and they like to challenge

01:02:07.720 authority.

01:02:08.140 And I like, I know they like to get in trouble.

01:02:09.720 Why?

01:02:09.960 Because that's the things that I like to do, but I don't understand why my little daughter

01:02:14.960 likes tea parties or wants to play with Barbies or whatever it is she does.

01:02:18.460 Like, I don't understand that.

01:02:19.640 I'll do that with her because I realized that's what she needs.

01:02:22.140 I have enough emotional intelligence to understand that, but it's a challenge.

01:02:26.020 Now, when my boys come to me and they say, Hey dad, let's go wrestle.

01:02:29.200 Cool.

01:02:29.880 I'm on it.

01:02:30.440 Let's do it.

01:02:31.240 My daughter says, Hey, let's have a tea party. 0.82

01:02:32.620 I'm like, Oh, although I do it right.

01:02:36.000 Because I realized that's what she needs.

01:02:37.480 So yeah.

01:02:37.980 Raising daughters is definitely harder. 0.87

01:02:39.860 Would you agree with that?

01:02:41.240 I totally agree.

01:02:42.160 I don't think there's, that's a debate at all.

01:02:45.340 My, my five-year-old has this fairy, this fairy book and she's been trying to get me

01:02:52.240 to read it instead of warrior kid.

01:02:54.160 Yeah.

01:02:54.340 You're like, Oh, I don't want to read a fairy book.

01:02:56.540 I read one chapter.

01:02:57.700 I'm like, I can not do this.

01:02:59.480 I can not do this.

01:03:00.640 So now when she asks, I'm like, Oh, well, mommy wanted to read that book with you.

01:03:05.100 Perfect.

01:03:06.580 Yeah.

01:03:06.940 It's tough.

01:03:07.300 I'm avoiding my responsibilities.

01:03:08.680 Yeah.

01:03:09.060 It's tough.

01:03:10.340 All right.

01:03:10.760 Sam Johnson, it seems like too many fellow gay men I know have a problem with manliness 1.00

01:03:17.840 coming from heterosexuals complaining about homophobia.

01:03:22.200 What agreement can heterosexuals and homosexual men make so that we can all work together to 0.89

01:03:27.940 become better men, regardless, regardless of sexuality, that you're not a victim, that

01:03:33.980 you're not a victim.

01:03:34.520 Now are the people who have a problem with your, the way you, the way you live your life?

01:03:38.360 Yeah, sure.

01:03:39.320 No doubt.

01:03:39.720 There's people that have a problem with the way I live my life, but you're not a victim.

01:03:44.500 So stop pretending you're a victim.

01:03:46.580 And, and here's another thing.

01:03:48.000 I think we run into this a lot when people start to identify themselves by groups like

01:03:52.060 gay or black or Christian or whatever, that anytime these quote unquote groups that they

01:04:00.160 belong to are questioned, that they are persecuted.

01:04:04.000 Right.

01:04:04.440 So like, what's this guy's name?

01:04:07.240 Sam.

01:04:07.680 So let's say Sam and I were, and I know Sam, cause he's, he's interacted here.

01:04:10.700 Uh, let's say Sam and I are friends and Sam, uh, says, Hey Ryan, I'm going to help you

01:04:16.520 move, uh, this weekend.

01:04:17.780 I'm going to bring my truck by and we're going to help you move.

01:04:20.000 And, um, I just want to be a friend and help you out.

01:04:22.480 And I say, great.

01:04:23.400 And he doesn't come over on Saturday and he doesn't come over on Sunday and he doesn't

01:04:26.400 help me move.

01:04:26.860 And then I call him up.

01:04:27.460 I'm like, Hey asshole, you said you were going to move.

01:04:29.920 I was relying on you being here.

01:04:31.340 I think what these groups have a tendency of doing and not just the homosexual, homosexual 0.86

01:04:35.480 community, but, uh, other groups as well as they say, Oh, you're picking on me because

01:04:39.120 I'm gay.

01:04:40.380 So no, no, I'm picking on you because you're an asshole and you didn't do what you said

01:04:43.720 you were going to do has nothing to do with whether or not you're gay.

01:04:46.800 Yeah.

01:04:47.360 And so I think you've got to be very, very careful when you start identifying yourself in

01:04:51.460 groups to place yourself in the victim category to other individuals, organizations, or people.

01:04:57.920 Now, again, there's people out there who are going to discriminate, who are going to, who

01:05:01.780 are going to hate you because of the way you live your life.

01:05:04.740 But, but that's, that to me represents a small insignificant portion of the fact that, you

01:05:12.600 know what?

01:05:13.040 Nobody really cares.

01:05:15.420 Like I don't care.

01:05:17.300 I mean, I'm, I'm not gay.

01:05:18.900 It's kind of hard for me to understand, but that doesn't mean that I'm like consumed with

01:05:23.020 who you want to sleep with or who you love.

01:05:24.700 I, it doesn't affect me.

01:05:26.080 It doesn't impact me.

01:05:28.040 I think people need to realize that we think less of, think of you less frequently than maybe

01:05:33.840 you believe that we do.

01:05:36.180 Yeah.

01:05:37.360 Do you think that homo, the homosexual culture by default is somewhat in conflict with manliness? 1.00

01:05:48.040 You know what I'm saying?

01:05:49.220 I mean, I think generally speaking, I would say this and I'm, and I'm trying to like be

01:05:54.440 not cautious, but just understanding of how I say this.

01:05:57.120 I think generally speaking, it's, they're, they're more feminine. 0.87

01:06:00.820 Yeah.

01:06:01.220 I mean, it's not like, you know, you typically see a gay guy and you're like, oh man, he's

01:06:04.960 really masculine.

01:06:05.780 Like, you know what I mean?

01:06:06.900 It's, it's, it's at odds with masculinity to some extent.

01:06:10.300 And, and I, it's at odds with, let me say it this way.

01:06:12.800 It's at odds with masculinity, the same way that femininity would be at odds with masculinity. 1.00

01:06:18.160 I think they're, I think they're, I think a lot of the gay community just happens to 1.00

01:06:22.540 be more feminine in nature.

01:06:24.480 That doesn't mean they're not men.

01:06:25.740 It just means they're more tapped into their feminine energy. 1.00

01:06:27.760 Like you and I both have feminine energy and my wife and your wife and every other woman 1.00

01:06:31.980 has masculine energy.

01:06:32.980 So I don't think it, I just think that they're by design and this probably is part of the

01:06:39.540 reason that they are homosexual is that they're more feminine in nature. 0.93

01:06:44.320 I just think that's the nature of it.

01:06:46.180 And the reason why I bring that up is, is really is I'm wondering part of the, part of

01:06:52.080 Sam's question at the root of it is that there's just natural differences too, right?

01:06:57.020 And that it may not necessarily be that of a negative thing.

01:07:00.640 It's just the difference between, you know what I mean?

01:07:02.680 Those two groups.

01:07:03.700 Well, and I always think about it too.

01:07:04.940 Like, like one of the things I thought about recently is that, um, I was following this

01:07:09.140 guy on Instagram.

01:07:09.640 I can't remember who it was and he's raising the son to be kind of a badass.

01:07:12.700 And I thought, well, that's really cool.

01:07:13.740 Like this, this kid's tough.

01:07:15.100 Like he's, he's a fighter.

01:07:16.200 He's a warrior.

01:07:16.680 He's hard.

01:07:17.240 Like this is, this is cool.

01:07:19.700 And then I looked through the comments and, and there was a father who was mocking him.

01:07:24.080 So I'm like, Oh, I wonder what this guy's all about.

01:07:25.760 So I looked on his site and he's more tapped into his artistic side.

01:07:30.180 You know, he's, he's, he's, he was an artist.

01:07:32.060 He, he, like the things, it was more like, it was just different.

01:07:36.140 And I thought to myself, Oh, well, the reason he doesn't like the warrior is because he's

01:07:39.920 not a warrior.

01:07:41.140 He's, he's a, he's a philosopher or he's a thinker or he's an artist and he expresses

01:07:45.820 himself differently.

01:07:46.640 That's why he's mocking or ridiculing the warrior.

01:07:48.780 But the problem is like, we need both.

01:07:51.440 Yeah.

01:07:51.800 So don't, so I don't think the philosopher should come to the warrior and say, you're doing

01:07:56.060 it wrong because the philosopher is protected by the warrior.

01:08:00.100 And I don't think the warrior should go to the philosopher and say, you're doing it wrong

01:08:03.140 because the warrior learns a war strategy, for example, through the philosopher.

01:08:08.380 So it's not that one isn't needed or better or right or wrong.

01:08:12.860 It's just that it's different.

01:08:14.340 The way that we approach it differently.

01:08:15.700 So, so don't mock the warrior, but the warrior shouldn't mock the artist and vice versa or

01:08:19.980 whatever other term we can use there fill in the blank.

01:08:22.280 But I think you understand the point.

01:08:24.080 Yeah.

01:08:24.240 And to your point, and at the same time, don't be so quick to judge and assume that you're

01:08:29.080 a victim.

01:08:30.120 Right.

01:08:30.540 And that there's just differences.

01:08:32.040 Or, or who cares?

01:08:33.440 Right.

01:08:33.720 Like, okay, so the guy's raising his son to be a bad-ass.

01:08:37.640 Okay.

01:08:38.440 And do you have to raise your son like that?

01:08:40.360 No.

01:08:41.180 Raise your son how you see fit.

01:08:43.360 I think there's some, I think there's some morality, some basic moral principles that

01:08:47.340 we all should strive to teach.

01:08:49.540 But at the end of the day, as long as we're meeting those moral criteria, then I believe

01:08:53.160 that you have a right and obligation to raise your son and your daughter and whoever else

01:08:57.660 the way that you see fit as their father.

01:09:02.720 What else?

01:09:04.200 James Walper is taxation theft.

01:09:09.940 Well, let me think about this here for a second.

01:09:12.260 Cause I don't prepare myself for these questions.

01:09:13.700 Cause I want them to be really, really organic is taxation theft.

01:09:17.740 Well, you're, you're involuntarily taking money or resources from an individual.

01:09:23.820 So if that's how you define theft, then I would say, yes, it is theft.

01:09:28.160 Now that being said, like technically I would say yes, because you're involuntarily taking

01:09:33.180 somebody's possessions and, and extracting it from them.

01:09:38.080 So if that's how you define theft, yeah, it's theft.

01:09:41.040 That being said, I think the greater question is not technically is that what's being asked

01:09:46.120 is taxation moral.

01:09:49.020 Maybe, uh, is it necessary?

01:09:51.300 And I would say to a degree, yeah, it is.

01:09:54.520 I have no problem paying taxes.

01:09:56.780 I have no problem contributing to the greater good of my neighborhood and my community and

01:10:01.980 my state and federal defense.

01:10:04.080 I have no problem with that.

01:10:05.220 What I have a problem with is how my money is mismanaged.

01:10:11.280 It's managed very ineffectively managed very poorly.

01:10:14.600 And I also have a problem with, with certain political figures who are trying to enact policy

01:10:22.100 and laws and rules and regulation that go against what I believe is accurate, correct, and moral.

01:10:27.460 So I need to fight against that thing, which is why a democracy or a Republic is so great

01:10:32.240 because we have opportunities to fight against that.

01:10:34.840 So I don't think taxation is bad in and of itself.

01:10:37.380 I think it's actually a very good thing, but I also think that we have a moral obligation

01:10:42.500 and responsibility to hold the members of Congress and politicians accountable to what they're doing

01:10:51.640 with our money.

01:10:52.960 I want to know what you're doing with it.

01:10:55.180 And what I have a very difficult time with is liars, a very difficult time with politicians

01:11:01.160 who lie because I don't understand what they're doing.

01:11:04.080 I have more respect for a politician who, who I don't agree with that tells the truth over

01:11:10.460 somebody who lies and then does something completely different.

01:11:13.060 Like, I want to know, how are you going to spend my money?

01:11:14.880 Cause it's my money.

01:11:15.680 How are you going to spend my money?

01:11:17.480 And do I agree with it?

01:11:18.780 And if not, then I have a right obligation to get involved, to use my voting privileges

01:11:25.600 and to do what's within the legal ramifications of the constitution to protect my rights and

01:11:32.260 my interest because it's my money.

01:11:35.100 So technically, yes, taxation is theft.

01:11:38.480 Is it immoral?

01:11:39.360 Well, I don't believe entirely that it is.

01:11:42.780 I just believe it's mismanaged.

01:11:44.140 And I believe we have a huge, huge burden of responsibility to make sure that it's managed

01:11:47.180 correctly.

01:11:48.040 Yeah.

01:11:48.580 I used to, I used to think that everyone should work for themselves for a couple of years,

01:11:52.760 just so you get to experience the pain and suffering of paying taxes individually.

01:12:00.820 It's crazy, man.

01:12:02.000 It's unreal.

01:12:04.000 It's unreal.

01:12:04.380 It's, it's, it's poorly, poorly managed.

01:12:06.800 And it's a real problem.

01:12:08.860 Taxes are not the problem.

01:12:11.240 Exorbit taxes and mismanagement of our resources is.

01:12:15.160 Yeah.

01:12:15.320 Big problem.

01:12:16.040 All right.

01:12:16.360 Jacob Malarkey backstory.

01:12:18.820 I'll make it quick.

01:12:19.420 I work for Marco's pizzas, a delivery driver.

01:12:22.020 We currently do not have a GM.

01:12:23.960 So the owner is working seven days a week, 12 to 16 hour days.

01:12:27.700 I want to offer my help in any way I can or any way he can use it.

01:12:31.760 But in the past, I've been disciplined for delegating tasks and upholding corporate policies,

01:12:37.020 which the owner shows no regard for.

01:12:39.480 And my personal morals, what advice would you give to someone in this kind of situation?

01:12:44.320 So it sounds like Jacob's kind of doing the right thing.

01:12:47.340 The boss is kind of, I don't know, punished him for kind of upholding corporate policies,

01:12:53.740 but he sees the situation to help him out.

01:12:56.680 Well, so I, I would probably recommend that you step up into this leadership position within

01:13:01.760 the bounds that your GM has or, or the owner has, right?

01:13:06.440 So he, he may not, or she may not care about the corporate policy, but they may have some

01:13:14.740 concerns about other things.

01:13:16.220 Now, if you can figure out what those other things are, then you present an opportunity

01:13:21.180 or you are presented an opportunity to step into that role.

01:13:24.560 So you got to play the game a little bit here, right?

01:13:26.360 Like, yeah, like you have an opportunity to step into leadership, but you have to do it

01:13:29.880 within the parameters of the way that this guy's operating.

01:13:32.320 Otherwise you look like either a brown noser or somebody even worse, who's trying to undermine 1.00

01:13:36.460 what the owner is doing.

01:13:38.460 So here's an opportunity to potentially to have a conversation.

01:13:42.000 Hey, uh, Hey John, I, I, I've been working here for five years.

01:13:44.980 I'm just going to throw this out here.

01:13:45.980 I've been working here for five years.

01:13:47.940 Uh, I I've enjoyed working here.

01:13:49.480 It's been very good.

01:13:50.360 I recognize that we don't have a GM and that you're in over your head.

01:13:52.940 Um, I would love to take some responsibility from you so that you're not having to do it all

01:13:57.400 and prove to you that I'm capable of handling some of these responsibilities.

01:14:01.120 Uh, what I was thinking is that I could, I don't know, uh, manage, manage the schedule,

01:14:08.200 or I could make sure that, that, uh, I'm managing the tills and the registers and that everything

01:14:14.500 is accounted for at the end of the night.

01:14:15.880 Like just start identifying things that can be taken care of, or I can run the deposits

01:14:21.000 to the bank if that would help you.

01:14:22.320 So you don't have to do that.

01:14:23.360 And we can do that and I can show you and prove to you that, that I'm capable of handling

01:14:27.120 this, but figure out what responsibilities there are, what parameters in which you can

01:14:32.220 operate, whether they're, they're spoken or unspoken and have these conversations and

01:14:36.360 start filling those roles.

01:14:38.560 Copy John Caster do, or when did you let your boys have a pocket knife?

01:14:44.660 What about you, Kip?

01:14:45.760 I gave my daughter one at six and of course went over safe safety with her and she never

01:14:51.220 ended up being rushed to the hospital.

01:14:52.700 She is now 15.

01:14:54.120 I had one as far back as I remember big things to you guys.

01:14:58.400 So my, my age is eight years old.

01:15:01.100 Yeah.

01:15:01.520 And now I let my kids use my pocket knife before that, like if we're on camping trips

01:15:05.440 or things like that, and we need to cut some rope or, or whatever it may be, I will give

01:15:09.280 them my knife and say, Hey, use this to cut this or make this or adjust whatever they got

01:15:13.300 to do.

01:15:14.080 Uh, but as far as their own pocket knife, I do a rite of passage with my children when they

01:15:17.960 hit eight and they earn a pocket knife.

01:15:20.120 So I give them a pocket knife prior to the rite of passage.

01:15:22.300 And then we go on a two day camping trip and there's a series of tasks and things they

01:15:26.180 need to complete using that pocket knife and a firearm.

01:15:30.060 And then when they're done, so they get the pocket knife at first, we go through the, the

01:15:33.680 camp out and the rite of passage.

01:15:35.300 And then when they're done, they earn their first rifle.

01:15:39.340 So that's, those are my rules.

01:15:41.500 And that backpacking trip includes a killing a boar with their bare hands, their hands.

01:15:46.320 That's right.

01:15:47.080 A little steered wrestling.

01:15:48.300 I'm actually very similar, uh, age eight on the pocket knives.

01:15:52.720 Um, I, I don't do the gun thing until probably 12 or older.

01:15:56.600 Um, but yeah, age eight, same, same scenario.

01:16:00.600 Like I use it as an opportunity and kind of make it a meaningful process by which they

01:16:04.880 are now responsible to have a pocket knife.

01:16:06.880 Uh, and, but, uh, from my perspective though, there's been a couple of times I had to take

01:16:10.600 the knife away.

01:16:12.180 Right.

01:16:12.620 Because it's not a right, it's a privilege.

01:16:14.800 Yeah.

01:16:15.160 Cause they're, they're abusing, abusing that.

01:16:18.220 So, yep.

01:16:18.680 I did the same thing with my oldest son, uh, a month or so ago.

01:16:21.960 I can't even remember what he did.

01:16:22.940 I said, give me that knife. 0.97

01:16:23.820 If you lost that privilege, now you can earn it back by doing X, Y, and Z, and then we'll

01:16:28.060 get it taken care of.

01:16:28.940 And he did those things and I gave it back.

01:16:30.280 And I said, now be responsible with this thing.

01:16:32.640 You have a tool that is used to create and used to destroy.

01:16:37.420 If you're going to use it for destruction, then you don't get to use it because it's

01:16:42.940 not a, it's not a right.

01:16:44.620 It's a privilege and you have to earn that privilege.

01:16:47.020 And that privilege can be taken away from you as well.

01:16:48.960 Will Darter, what role does reading and appreciating poetry play in your life?

01:16:55.900 Does it deepen your worldview, faith, relationships, thoughts, and et cetera?

01:17:00.560 Who are some favorite authors or do you guys not really get into this as much?

01:17:05.180 Welcome back, Ryan.

01:17:06.340 Great job.

01:17:07.300 A few weeks back, Kit.

01:17:08.580 Um, I can't answer this cause I don't, I don't really read poetry, so I really can't give

01:17:16.180 a credible answer.

01:17:17.700 It's not that I'm against it or opposed to it or don't think there's value in it.

01:17:21.740 It's just something that I've never really gotten into or really, frankly, have a desire

01:17:25.920 to.

01:17:28.060 Unfortunately, I'm the same.

01:17:30.280 I mean, it's, it, you know, it's, again, it's, it's something that I, again, I have

01:17:34.580 appreciation for, I think is, is valuable, but I may, I don't know, maybe you have some

01:17:38.720 authors I need to check out and, and you can open my eyes and expand my horizon, horizons,

01:17:44.220 uh, to some, some new literature that might cause us to think differently about some things.

01:17:48.860 I'm open to that.

01:17:50.160 Yeah.

01:17:50.460 Will, I do like a good solid quote though.

01:17:53.360 There you go.

01:17:54.560 That's kind of like poetry, depending on how good the quote is.

01:17:58.300 All right.

01:17:58.960 Alex Schwartz thoughts and or pointers on your first jujitsu tournament.

01:18:04.580 Well, I haven't been in a jujitsu tournament, so that's, that's directed at you.

01:18:08.520 Yeah.

01:18:09.300 So, um, I'll give you an example.

01:18:11.360 So I was at, uh, worlds, um, this is probably about three years ago and I'm in the bullpen.

01:18:17.920 That's kind of where you like hang out, you weigh in, you hang out, you wait to get called

01:18:21.160 out in a mat and I'm super stressed.

01:18:23.200 I'm, you know, I'm always anxious usually before a competition.

01:18:26.900 And one of my teammates says, Hey dude, just remember there's not a single person here that

01:18:32.120 you'll go against that even compares to what it's like to roll with the other guys at our

01:18:37.220 school.

01:18:38.880 And he was right.

01:18:40.140 And I thought about it.

01:18:41.100 I thought you're right.

01:18:42.180 Like I trained with some of the most vicious beasts that I've ever trained with.

01:18:49.240 And so when it comes to competition, it's like, I've already put myself through the

01:18:53.220 grinder, right?

01:18:54.320 And it's, and it's more of a mental thing.

01:18:56.020 So, um, so the, the lesson learned there is train hard, train really hard and train with

01:19:03.080 the best and make the training the more, the more difficult scenario and show up at the

01:19:08.900 competition.

01:19:09.300 We talked about stoicism earlier, show up to the competition from the perspective of I'm

01:19:14.540 going to show up.

01:19:15.300 I'm not going to win.

01:19:16.180 Don't go to win.

01:19:17.920 And that may sound weird at first, but you'll, you'll make sense here in a second, whether

01:19:22.460 you win or lose is already over.

01:19:24.960 Now you're just showing up to see and to test what you've learned and to see how well your

01:19:30.500 training went.

01:19:31.320 So remove the pressure of like, quote unquote winning, just go out there and do what you've

01:19:37.500 been training to do.

01:19:38.500 And guess what?

01:19:39.440 Two things will happen.

01:19:40.420 You'll win, which will be great, or you'll lose and it'll still be great.

01:19:44.760 I've never done a competition where I lost and thought, man, I shouldn't have done that.

01:19:49.320 It's always been valuable.

01:19:50.760 So see the competition as a moment to try to test out what you've been doing and to know

01:19:56.240 where you need to pivot and, and remove all the noise around quote unquote winning, because

01:20:00.800 it's already been decided.

01:20:02.020 In my opinion, it was decided months earlier during all your training.

01:20:05.680 I like it.

01:20:06.740 I love it, man.

01:20:07.300 Cool.

01:20:07.740 Let's, uh, let's take a couple more Kip and then we'll wrap this thing up. 0.94

01:20:10.100 All right.

01:20:10.940 Mash Bennett.

01:20:11.820 I noticed a lot of woe was me questions on Facebook page.

01:20:15.640 Really?

01:20:16.060 I'm just joking.

01:20:17.380 Uh, you have even addressed it multiple times.

01:20:20.480 Every worry, uh, ever worry that men will use your organization as a crutch, making them

01:20:26.320 weaker as a result.

01:20:27.900 How can we avoid seeking easy answers and pity parties?

01:20:31.920 Ask questions.

01:20:33.640 You'll notice when somebody's complaining about something that I always ask a question.

01:20:38.240 What are you going to do about it?

01:20:39.860 I mean, even with deep stuff, like my wife just left, left me, what are you going to do

01:20:43.680 about it?

01:20:44.820 My, my job is not to provide you the answer.

01:20:47.280 I don't know the answer because it's your life.

01:20:48.820 There's so many variables that I can't, I can't account for, but what I can do is poke

01:20:53.460 you in the right direction.

01:20:55.420 What are you going to do about it?

01:20:56.800 Cause that's what men need to know.

01:20:58.780 They need to be able to answer that question.

01:21:00.500 What the hell are you going to do about it?

01:21:02.500 Yeah.

01:21:03.020 You lost your job.

01:21:04.040 You're fat.

01:21:04.380 You're broke.

01:21:04.700 You're out of shape.

01:21:05.160 Your wife left.

01:21:05.720 Your dog died.

01:21:06.320 And the worst country song you can imagine.

01:21:08.460 What the hell are you going to do about it?

01:21:11.500 So will they use that as a crutch?

01:21:13.800 Yes.

01:21:14.180 If we enable them and we enable them by giving them all the answers.

01:21:18.820 Oh, my, my wife left. 0.96

01:21:20.320 What should I do?

01:21:20.800 We'll do this and do that and do it.

01:21:22.660 No.

01:21:23.420 What are you going to do about it?

01:21:26.880 And if they can't answer that question, they're not ready to progress yet.

01:21:29.940 It's not my fault.

01:21:30.660 That's on them.

01:21:32.100 Now, if they answer that question, they answer it poorly.

01:21:34.160 Okay, well, at least you're somebody who cares.

01:21:37.800 At least you have a vested interest in improving yourself.

01:21:40.440 At least you're trying and you're thinking about forward progress.

01:21:44.200 Not somebody who's just stuck in this perpetual state of life sucks, but that you're forward

01:21:50.820 thinking.

01:21:52.380 So don't enable people. 0.86

01:21:55.540 Don't allow them that bullshit of just, like you said, the pity party, the woe is me.

01:22:01.740 Ask them, what are you going to do about it?

01:22:04.840 And then when they don't answer, you say, hey, I'm asking you a question.

01:22:08.900 Like that, that wasn't rhetorical.

01:22:11.600 I want to know what you're going to do about it.

01:22:13.940 And if they don't answer a question, they're out there and they're not ready.

01:22:17.720 Not that they'll kick them out of the group, but that they're done.

01:22:20.140 Like there's nothing more I can say or do.

01:22:21.740 But if they're saying, hey, I don't know, maybe I could try this and I could do that and I

01:22:27.920 could implement this in my life.

01:22:30.380 Oh, cool.

01:22:30.740 That's a good idea.

01:22:31.380 Have you ever considered X, Y, Z and keep poking them, prodding them down the right path?

01:22:35.780 This is the same thing we talked about with the kids, right?

01:22:38.280 What do you think about this?

01:22:39.180 Oh, that's interesting.

01:22:39.960 I hadn't thought about this.

01:22:40.860 Did you ever consider this?

01:22:42.540 Questions, questions, questions, questions, questions.

01:22:45.140 I cannot under, or excuse me, over, overstate the importance of asking good questions for

01:22:50.480 somebody who's stuck, for somebody who's growing, for somebody who's expanding, ask questions,

01:22:54.400 ask questions, ask questions, ask questions.

01:22:56.020 We are so much more capable than we give ourselves credit for and we give other people credit for.

01:23:02.380 Yeah.

01:23:02.700 And we see evidence of this mash within the IC where as a team, if a guy comes to the table

01:23:09.440 with an issue, that is a requirement.

01:23:12.840 There is no bitching, moaning, complaining, or pity party without a solution. 1.00

01:23:19.440 So if someone brings something to the table, hey, I have this issue, then the next step in

01:23:24.460 that process is what are you going to do?

01:23:26.780 Right.

01:23:28.060 And, and then we also created a culture and an environment by which we can call each other

01:23:32.920 out.

01:23:33.480 So when a guy goes, hey, all this happened to me and blah, blah, blah, a guy goes, uh,

01:23:38.720 I think you're seeing it wrong.

01:23:40.200 I think the issue is this and this is why, right?

01:23:43.320 And we can call each other out and things.

01:23:45.540 So, um, part of this, I mean, obviously he's asking around the Facebook group, but part of

01:23:50.680 this is about being around the right people as well and establishing the kind of relationship

01:23:55.560 where you can call each other out without everyone being overly offended and being victims.

01:23:59.720 Yep.

01:24:00.640 And giving them permission to do that.

01:24:02.200 And inside the iron council, that's exactly what you do.

01:24:04.060 When you sign up, you're giving people permission to call you out, to hold you accountable and

01:24:08.320 to push you forward.

01:24:09.040 This isn't a thing where it's like, let's discuss each other's feelings for the sake of

01:24:12.020 being vulnerable.

01:24:13.160 No, this is like, okay, you can be vulnerable.

01:24:16.220 You can, you can share your baggage.

01:24:18.180 That's why we're here, but only so you can get over it.

01:24:23.720 Not so you can just share it because nobody cares.

01:24:26.620 I don't, I don't care about your baggage.

01:24:29.320 Like I care that your wife maybe potentially left you, but I don't have to live with that.

01:24:34.260 You do.

01:24:35.440 So because I care enough about you, I'm going to ask you questions so you can fix your own

01:24:41.360 problems.

01:24:42.160 And I'm going to call you out on your shit when you need to be called out on it because

01:24:45.700 I care.

01:24:46.660 Now, if I didn't care, I just take people's money and just say, I don't know, you can

01:24:50.200 talk about whatever you want and figure it out.

01:24:51.460 Good luck.

01:24:53.100 That's, and I'll tell you what, that's significantly easier and it poses a whole lot less risk on

01:24:57.460 my part.

01:24:59.160 Yeah, but that's not what I'm interested in.

01:25:01.000 And that's not what the guys who joined the iron council are interested in.

01:25:03.480 And I don't think it's the, the thing that the overwhelming majority of the guys in

01:25:06.680 the Facebook group are interested in, but every once in a while, we get these guys who

01:25:09.560 just want to complain and think that this is somewhere they can just cry and, and, and,

01:25:13.240 and cry on somebody's shoulder and complain about how crappy their life is.

01:25:18.340 Good.

01:25:18.760 Okay.

01:25:19.100 Well, all of us have crappy lives at times.

01:25:21.560 All of us have crappy situations.

01:25:23.140 What are you going to do about it?

01:25:25.320 Figure it out.

01:25:25.960 And then get back with me and let me know Sean sailors.

01:25:31.120 How do I get my wife off her phone to pay attention to our four-year-old? 1.00

01:25:35.740 I've tried explaining.

01:25:37.200 He needs to wrestle and play in things that she needs to put at play in things and that

01:25:42.760 she needs to put her phone down, but he seems like a stepchild and she gives our youngest

01:25:48.040 all the attention.

01:25:49.340 She's a stay at home mom. 0.61

01:25:50.640 And I work a full-time eight to five Monday through Friday.

01:25:53.380 I play when I can, when I'm home.

01:25:56.600 Hmm.

01:25:57.600 I don't know.

01:25:58.300 I mean, gosh, these questions, this is a good question.

01:26:00.920 It's so tough because your wife is who she is.

01:26:04.520 Right.

01:26:04.800 And, and sometimes you just can't explain this stuff.

01:26:07.720 I think you need to continue to be open and have this dialogue about why this is important

01:26:12.180 that you put the phone away.

01:26:14.260 Um, I think, uh, I just did a, um, I just drafted an article.

01:26:19.380 I haven't published it yet, but how to get your wife to lead you, or excuse me, to follow

01:26:22.960 you is what it's called.

01:26:25.480 And it's, it's pretty controversial because I think a lot of people can say, well, she

01:26:29.780 might, what if she doesn't want to follow you? 0.97

01:26:31.220 My whole premise of the article was how do you get a woman to voluntarily decide to follow 0.95

01:26:38.400 you?

01:26:39.620 Right.

01:26:40.060 So, you know what, here's what I'll do.

01:26:41.680 Not forced.

01:26:42.580 Yeah.

01:26:42.860 Not forced.

01:26:43.540 You're not manipulating or coercing, but, but that she voluntarily decides I'm going to

01:26:48.060 actually just pull this up really quick.

01:26:49.780 Cause I think this is a good question.

01:26:51.820 And, um, let's see if some of this answers his question.

01:26:57.880 All right.

01:26:58.320 Give me a second.

01:26:58.940 All right, here we go.

01:27:00.260 Uh, it's, it's actually the do's and don'ts.

01:27:02.140 I forgot.

01:27:02.420 Cause I just did this as a rough draft last night.

01:27:03.960 So it's the do's and don'ts.

01:27:05.140 Okay.

01:27:05.880 So number, I'll do the don'ts first.

01:27:07.760 Number one, don't treat her like your therapist.

01:27:10.780 Number two, don't follow her around. 0.72

01:27:12.960 I'm like a puppy dog.

01:27:14.300 Number three, don't worship the ground that she walks on. 0.90

01:27:17.680 Meaning treat her like a human being.

01:27:19.100 She has flaws just like you do for don't waste time on trivial pursuits.

01:27:23.780 Cause she'll see that.

01:27:25.180 And don't assume that she owes you her blind allegiance.

01:27:28.240 That one actually might apply it pretty well.

01:27:29.840 It's like, she doesn't have to follow you.

01:27:31.240 Like you have to earn that, right?

01:27:32.840 Here's how you do it.

01:27:34.460 Do follow through on all of your commitments.

01:27:37.380 Do articulate this one.

01:27:38.880 I'll fall in line.

01:27:39.620 Do articulate a vision for the future.

01:27:42.460 Do tell her the truth.

01:27:43.840 Even if you have to tell her that dress isn't fat, isn't flattering.

01:27:48.220 Do prove yourself capable of overcoming adversity and do include her in the decision-making process.

01:27:54.800 Now, some of these applied more than others, but I think if you follow these do's and don'ts, I think it's much more likely that when you speak.

01:28:02.340 That you speak with credibility and authority that she'll listen to.

01:28:07.600 Cause without these types of things in your life, you're just another squawking box over there telling her that she shouldn't be on her phone. 0.96

01:28:15.280 So I think the best way to do this is to build credibility, trust, authority in her life by focusing on the things even outside of this little situation.

01:28:26.740 And I think a lot of these types of situations get resolved.

01:28:29.520 I had a conversation, for example, with my wife this morning about money.

01:28:32.960 We're saving a lot of money right now.

01:28:34.440 We're trying to, uh, to, to secure this, this property in Maine.

01:28:39.040 And, you know, spending has gotten a little loose over the past couple of weeks.

01:28:42.500 So I talked with her and we had a conversation and she said, you know what?

01:28:46.240 I understand where you're coming from.

01:28:47.400 I appreciate you telling me.

01:28:48.520 And I will definitely work on that.

01:28:50.680 Now I can't have that conversation with her.

01:28:53.120 If I don't, if I'm not on top of it in other areas of life, like I don't take out the trash when I say I'm going to.

01:28:59.520 Right now people hear that.

01:29:00.820 They're like, Oh, what does that have to do with any?

01:29:01.980 It has everything to do with it.

01:29:04.260 It has everything to do with it because now she knows I'm a man of my word so that when I speak, I have credibility and authority.

01:29:09.440 And she listens because I'm a man worth listening to.

01:29:14.280 I think we may be experiencing some of that here.

01:29:17.160 Would you agree, Kip?

01:29:18.040 Yeah, I totally agree.

01:29:20.400 I mean, I, you, you use the analogy of the trash.

01:29:23.940 I mean, it's trivial, but it's, that's also the dilemma is what it's so damn trivial.

01:29:29.460 You can't even take the trash out, but yet you expect me to listen to you and guidance in regards to something else.

01:29:34.660 I mean, trust is trust, right?

01:29:37.380 And reliability is reliability, regardless of what the task was.

01:29:40.280 Yeah.

01:29:40.500 A hundred percent.

01:29:41.740 Yeah.

01:29:43.420 Cool.

01:29:43.860 Copy.

01:29:44.460 All right.

01:29:44.740 All right.

01:29:45.000 Let's call it a day.

01:29:45.660 I think we've been gone for about an hour and a half now, and I think we've got through a lot of questions.

01:29:48.880 So we've got some good ones here.

01:29:51.040 Yeah, it was, it was good.

01:29:52.740 We have a handful of a little bit more Facebook questions to go through for, for next week.

01:29:57.440 Okay.

01:29:58.020 If you guys want to participate and submit your questions, we talk about this every week, but

01:30:04.080 you can join us on patreon.com forward slash order of man or within the iron council at order of man.com

01:30:11.040 slash iron council, or on the Facebook group, facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

01:30:17.560 You mentioned the podcast pro.

01:30:21.220 Yep.

01:30:21.560 Quarter of man.com slash podcast pro.

01:30:23.580 And that's going to be starting March 1st, March 1st.

01:30:27.040 And then legacy, we have a couple of spots open in the dates for at legacy.

01:30:31.260 We're April 11th through the 14th.

01:30:33.480 Correct.

01:30:34.000 And that's at order of man.com slash legacy.

01:30:36.680 Legacy.

01:30:37.180 I'm not creative.

01:30:37.860 I just say whatever the vent is after order of man.

01:30:40.580 It's easy.

01:30:41.400 Yeah.

01:30:41.800 I could almost just make it up.

01:30:43.260 Uh, cause that'd probably be accurate.

01:30:45.080 Probably be right.

01:30:46.060 Order of man store is down.

01:30:47.980 Yes.

01:30:48.400 Currently.

01:30:48.960 It will be down until March 1st.

01:30:51.240 Uh, we're bringing it home.

01:30:52.360 My son's going to run it, man.

01:30:53.380 I'm excited about that.

01:30:54.860 That's great.

01:30:55.580 It's going to be awesome.

01:30:56.460 Maybe.

01:30:57.520 Good for him.

01:30:58.480 We'll see how awesome it's going to be.

01:30:59.980 Good for him to, as a lesson learned and experience, regardless of whether it ends up

01:31:05.820 being effective or not for, for you.

01:31:08.400 So, um, and just as a reminder, guys, share, share the Facebook group, invite new members

01:31:13.820 to Facebook, uh, subscribe to this podcast, uh, invite others.

01:31:18.620 And, um, and if you guys want to join us, um, within the iron council and get on the court

01:31:24.540 of life and, uh, kind of be in that, uh, rubbing shoulders with like-minded men, um, join

01:31:30.100 us in the iron council order of man.com forward slash iron council.

01:31:33.380 So you can follow Mr. Mickler at Ryan Mickler on Instagram, as well as at Ryan Mickler at

01:31:42.100 Twitter, on Twitter.

01:31:44.680 Anything else?

01:31:45.540 I think we covered it.

01:31:46.180 That's a lot, but we got it.

01:31:47.480 Cool.

01:31:48.240 Yep.

01:31:48.540 All right, guys.

01:31:49.120 Appreciate you.

01:31:49.680 I always end it by telling you, I appreciate you because I genuinely do.

01:31:52.540 I never want that to be watered down or think that it's just scripted.

01:31:55.120 I genuinely appreciate you guys being on this path.

01:31:58.340 I appreciate what you're doing as fathers and husbands and community leaders and business

01:32:02.460 owners.

01:32:02.860 I see you.

01:32:03.560 I see what you're doing and it improves my life.

01:32:06.780 It enhances my life and helps me fulfill my, my role as a man more effectively.

01:32:10.980 So want to thank you for that.

01:32:12.480 Anyways, guys, we'll let you get going until a Friday, but until then take action and become

01:32:16.300 the man you are meant to be.

01:32:17.960 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:32:20.800 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:32:24.620 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:32:32.460 Thank you.

Order of Man - February 20, 2019

Rewrite Limiting Scripts, Become More Decisive, Time Management Strategies ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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