Hickson Gracie is a 9th degree black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu, a New York Times best-selling author, and a man who is waging war with his diagnosis of Parkinson s disease. He is arguably one of the best fighters of the Gracie family, and one of THE toughest individuals in the world. He has spent a lifetime learning how to be a warrior, and with his recent diagnosis, has taken one element of his physical capacity to fight off the table, but is still being a warrior.
00:00:00.000You guys have heard me talk about jiu-jitsu ad nauseum, but what you may not have heard me talk too much about is the often overlooked invisible form of the martial art that has taken over the world of MMA and combat sports.
00:00:14.360This is not about submitting or disabling an opponent on the mats, but how the lessons learned on the mats apply to your everyday life.
00:00:21.700I can think of no better person to share this knowledge and depth of experience than one of the toughest men in the first family of jiu-jitsu, Hickson Gracie.
00:00:32.620Today, Hickson and I talk about managing fear, how to find a mission more important than your life, how to keep your identity secure, although you may lose one element of who you are,
00:00:43.160the importance of a balanced approach to being a warrior, why base on the mats and off is so crucial, and the power of respecting and honoring your intuition.
00:00:53.480You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:59.160When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
00:01:08.440This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:01:20.300Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast. I've got an exciting conversation lined up with Hickson Gracie, a repeat guest,
00:01:26.560and one that I deeply admire and respect, not only because of my own jiu-jitsu journey, but this is a man who has spent a lifetime learning how to be a warrior,
00:01:36.400learning how to fight, and with his recent diagnosis of Parkinson's disease, has taken one element of his physical capacity to fight off the table,
00:01:46.620but is still being a warrior, not only in that fight, but teaching other men how to do the same.
00:01:52.100I'm going to introduce you to Hickson if you need an introduction here shortly, but in the meantime, just want to welcome you
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00:02:50.200All right, guys, let me introduce you to my guest today. Again, his name is Hickson Gracie. He's the son of Helio Gracie,
00:02:56.700who is the man that developed Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Hickson is a ninth-degree red belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu,
00:03:03.920a mixed martial artist, a New York Times best-selling author, and a man who is waging war with his diagnosis of Parkinson's disease.
00:03:12.480He's arguably one of the best fighters of the Gracie family and one of the toughest individuals in the world,
00:03:18.800and I'm not even using hyperbole. That is true. He's been training since he was six,
00:03:24.380received his black belt by 18, and subsequently went on to be undefeated in his professional fighting career.
00:03:30.280Now, in his second book, Comfort and Darkness, The Invisible Power of Jiu-Jitsu,
00:03:33.560Hickson documents his fight with Parkinson's and lessons he's learned over decades of combat martial arts
00:03:39.400and how every man can use the art of invisible jiu-jitsu in his everyday life.
00:03:44.620The last several years from the first time that you were on, and I imagine that you could not have considered
00:03:50.460or thought about the health diagnosis that you've been dealing with over the past—how long has it been
00:03:55.280since you were diagnosed with Parkinson's?
00:06:10.100In terms of acceptance, I feel like it's part of the tools of the spiritual warrior
00:06:14.940to accept, to be patient, to be hopeful, to be faithful.
00:06:21.380So I'm in a good path to keeping myself as a spiritual warrior.
00:06:29.000Yeah, and I imagine you've got to take some level of comfort and solace
00:06:33.800in knowing that regardless of the outcome, you are going to—I have no doubt of this,
00:06:38.860just based on the limited way that I know you have positive impact on those other people
00:06:45.060who are impacted by Parkinson's, where it's not just, hey, take this pill every day for the rest of your life,
00:06:50.740and hopefully you can live a long, happy, you know, successful life.
00:06:54.060But here are some key things that you can do that you can take control of over, and I imagine you being at the forefront of that probably brings you some level of purpose in the midst of a very, to put it mildly, uncomfortable situation.
00:07:10.960Yes, I always have the purpose to defeat my opponents through jiu-jitsu.
00:07:16.240I always have the purpose to represent the art.
00:07:19.720And as a martial artist, I feel like quitting is not an option.
00:07:23.620And I wish people, average joes all over the world, can feel like they can think as a champion, they can think as a warrior to deal with their emotions, to deal with their problems, to deal with their stresses.
00:07:37.400So it's possible through visualization, to strategy, to hope, to faith, through those elements, through those invisible tools, through breathing.
00:07:49.900So those invisible tools can really put you on a positive aspect of life.
00:07:54.360And even though you have problems, managing those problems, live with those problems, be capable to suppress those problems.
00:08:06.700So I'm happy to inspire people in a sense where, you know, it's always good to work on the present moment, not thinking about the failure, but thinking always about the possibility to success.
00:08:22.620When you were diagnosed with Parkinson's, did your doctors have anything to say as far as your lifestyle as a fighter, as a martial artist, that may have contributed to that?
00:08:36.240Or is Parkinson's a matter of genetics or random unfortunate luck?
00:08:44.860I've never been explained what's the reasons I get that, because I'm not sure if there's any correlation with sports, with damaging, like getting bang on your head, concussions.
00:09:00.680What I'm sure is when I get diagnosis, I felt like I have to be positive about it.
00:09:07.200I have to start to deal with this, like I always live in jujitsu, you know, because a lot of things is the fear.
00:09:15.320The anticipation, the stress, all those are subject to change depending on your choices.
00:09:22.700So my choice is to deal with a very clear way, in a very positive way with the problem and be able to do everything in my hands to resolve the problem.
00:09:32.980So I'm not there just waiting for the problem.
00:09:41.000So patience is different than passivity, because patience, you wait for the time to strike or the time to do whatever you have to do.
00:09:50.080Passivity, you lost opportunities to deal with the reality.
00:09:53.300So I'm patiently waiting for whatever I have to do and be positive about overcoming the situation.
00:10:01.340I think that's a really important distinction, the difference between passivity and patience, because those two terms, or at least the way we behave, gets conflated quite often.
00:10:12.620You know, somebody who's not doing anything at all about their life to improve themselves might say, well, you know, I'm just being patient.
00:10:18.740Another one that I often hear is, if it's God's will, it's like, well, God wants you to be active.
00:10:25.700Yeah, sure, he wants you to be happy, but he also wants you to do your work, too.
00:10:30.340And sometimes people shirk that responsibility, or the way that I look at it is put that on God when they're not willing to do anything themselves.
00:10:38.240Definitely. I agree with you 100%, because passivity, you just lost momentum.
00:10:45.360You lost, you're putting somebody else, your responsibilities.
00:10:50.880But patience is give you the sense of the perfect timing to strike.
00:10:56.760You know, like the lion behind the bush waiting for the zebra getting to the striking distance for him to make the cue.
00:11:02.800So he's there patiently waiting the sharp moment for him to succeed.
00:11:09.340So I'm patient in regard to the outcome.
00:11:13.320I'm not distressed. I'm not overwhelmed with the situation.
00:11:17.920I try to just be calm and comfortable with whatever I get, getting the opportunity to excel in my benefit.
00:11:25.820So if I need a treatment, if I need a doctor I have to see in China, I go there.
00:11:30.700So whatever I have to do to be sharp on the problem, to be fast on my results, I will do.
00:11:45.600A good friend of mine and fellow co-host with this podcast, his name is Kip Sorensen, and he's a jiu-jitsu black belt.
00:11:53.300He's been training for about 14 years, if I remember correctly, maybe a little bit less, maybe 12 years or so.
00:11:58.980But he's really long-limbed. He's got these long arms and these long legs, and he's very technical.
00:12:05.200And when I roll with him, he's thinking 9, 10, 11, 12 moves out ahead.
00:12:11.640And so he'll do something where I think, oh, I've got him.
00:12:14.500And just when I think I've got him, he does what he meant to do three minutes ago that he was teeing me up for the entire time.
00:12:24.180But he was patiently waiting for me to fall into his trap.
00:12:27.520And I think that illustrates perfectly not only the concept you're talking about, but if I understand correctly, the concept of invisible jiu-jitsu.
00:12:54.580You have to be sharp in your decisions because if you're not present, if you're not living the moment, you're just lost very quickly if your mind is in a different spot.
00:13:08.120So something we need today, the humanity as a whole, is to be present because we pretty much dehumanize ourselves through the internet, through the robotics, through the websites.
00:13:20.380So the idea of living the presence, present, gives you a sense of now, which impairs your ability to, I mean, to support your ability to respond to the now immediately.
00:13:38.340And that's a very important aspect for martial arts.
00:14:12.060How do you personally manage that when you start to get these negative voices or the voice of doubt or all of the toxic thoughts that I know are likely to come up?
00:15:16.740But at the moment I'm in the locker room, I decide to change my mode, to not be afraid anymore, and to just commit to do what I have to do.
00:15:26.860And at this point, fear becomes nothing for me.
00:15:29.720I control fear, and my courage takes over, and I go for whatever I have to do.
00:15:37.220Because the mindset gives you the chance to choose.
00:15:43.240Fear is a state of mind who keeps you in an insecure plan, insecure state of mind.
00:15:49.320And if you let the fear take over, you lost track of whatever you have to do.
00:15:54.560But if you're afraid to empower yourself, and in the time you need it, you're in control of your fears, you're in the best world because you prepare yourself rationally, intelligently, to whatever the problem can be.
00:16:11.660But at the time, you surrender the whole fear to God and be able to be inspired to excel yourself.
00:16:19.700I think that's a really good way to frame it because I think a lot of times what people will do is they'll try to reject fear and push it aside.
00:16:29.840You know, when they're afraid to speak in public or afraid to step onto that mat or into that ring or, you know, whatever, or, you know, talk with their wife about an issue they're having.
00:16:41.080They pretend as if they're not afraid, but you're not saying that.
00:16:45.180What you're saying is, no, I am afraid.
00:16:47.720It's an ally of mine, and I'm going to use that to train more, to be better prepared, and to create better opportunities for myself is what I'm hearing you say.
00:16:59.700Yes, because in order for you to be in your highest level of performance, no matter if it's physical or mental, you have to be afraid of making mistakes.
00:17:11.980You have to be afraid of not knowing something you should know.
00:18:01.380I get punched in the head, get passed out, and still, like, surviving dizzy, but still handle the fort until my dizziness get over and win.
00:18:12.440So I can picture many different ways to win, the difficult way, the easy way, the possible way.
00:18:19.660I can also think about losing the fight, and I can also think about dying trying to win the fight.
00:18:27.080So all those elements, even the ones I don't want it to happen, I already visualize.
00:20:18.580Before you said that last part about – and I really – I can really resonate with what you're saying.
00:20:24.580My mission is more important than my life.
00:20:27.500I was going to ask you before you said that.
00:20:29.900I think it's easier for men to see how a Navy SEAL, for example, to use your example, would be willing to die for the cause.
00:20:39.460But I think it's harder for most men, even myself, to wrap my head around the idea of you getting into a match to fight somebody that you'd literally be willing to die in order to fight your hardest, to come out on top, to come out victorious.
00:20:58.720But you said your mission is more important than your life.
00:21:16.240No set of rules can be on the asphalt, can be on the grass, can be on the cement.
00:21:23.320So the idea of being unpredictable takes me to endless levels of worries and concerns.
00:21:32.280And fighting with a guy who is heavier than you, who is meaner, and who tries to bang you against the asphalt with the head, you can get killed.
00:21:40.660So if I'm scared of the outcome, I cannot even think about trying.
00:21:44.940So I say, I don't give a shit if something happens with me.
00:21:52.000I'm very focused on doing what I have to do.
00:21:54.100So the idea of being free physically, spiritually, to do whatever you have to do and put yourself at risk is a commitment.
00:22:05.240Very few people have, very few professions have, you know, because if you're a fireman, you know you have the problems to save a child from the 10th level of a building and fire.
00:22:20.940And if you're not comfortable with that feeling, you should not be a fireman because you're just going to have to be prepared to do the task.
00:22:31.000So as you live your life, you start to build up under your circumstances.
00:22:37.580If you're a fireman, you're not going to be thinking like a nurse.
00:22:41.900But if you're a doctor in a warfare, in a front war, you have to think a different mentality.
00:22:50.920You could be a doctor living in California, but you're a doctor living in Iran.
00:22:56.460So your risk, the level of performance, the level of risk you have are different.
00:23:05.180So you have to be concerned, but you also have to be prepared and accepting all the things you choose for.
00:23:13.040So I don't say everybody has to be choosing to be a champion and dying for whatever you believe.
00:23:20.240I say you should have a purpose, and with that purpose, you should put all your strategy to help you to achieve that purpose.
00:23:29.720And in a few cases, the purpose can put you in a life-threatening situation.
00:23:34.520If you want to go to the Everest, if you want to do something crazy, you don't have to be in action, in a dangerous action.
00:23:43.680You can just fly from hang gliders or do something crazy.
00:23:49.880And everything you put in perspective, you choose to do that because you love, you're motivated to do.
00:23:55.880So if something happens, it's important for you to, in your mind, accept that outcome because that's part of what you choose, you know.
00:24:05.360Yeah, do you feel like with your family lineage and obviously the Gracie name, do you feel like you chose that purpose or that mission?
00:24:16.840Because I don't know if there's a family that I can think of, maybe in the realm of politics, you know, some of these dynasties we hear of.
00:24:25.320I'm not sure I can think of a family that has built the type of legacy and lineage that your family has.
00:24:33.540And are those individual decisions or are those just heavily emphasized directives, if you will, of this is the way Gracie's behave and this is what we do?
00:24:50.940So you become already guided to belong to a family, to be part of a movement, which is jiu-jitsu, self-defense.
00:25:05.220This kind of representation means a lot to us because if I don't believe in what I teach, how I can teach.
00:25:15.300So in order for me to teach confident, can survive, you can be protected for yourself from an attack.
00:25:23.020I have to put myself at front of the pack and say, if you want to try, try on me because let's see if you can hurt me.
00:25:31.700If you can hurt me, you can hurt my students.
00:25:33.640But if I can represent, if I can win, I'm, you know, I'm in a comfortable position to keep teaching my students, to keep representing the family and the legacy.
00:25:43.180So the idea of being a special Gracie is inflicted in all of us, but not all of us can represent because the reality is on the mat, one will win, the other one will lose.
00:25:58.080So I'm comfortable with my ability on the mat since I have six years old and participated in my first competition.
00:26:04.840But other cousins and relatives, they don't have the same practice, they don't have the same ability, they don't have the same confidence.
00:26:15.040And I don't make them feel like, oh, you have to represent, go there, kill yourself.
00:26:20.480So as you grow as a Gracie, you start to put yourself in a chain of organized hierarchy.
00:26:29.740And if you're not up to the task, it's better to keep training, it's better to keep reinforcing, it's better to keep teaching jiu-jitsu, but you're not able to fight.
00:26:40.740So I'm one of the few ones who are able to fight in a very early age.
00:26:45.180So I've always been feeling like I'm the best I know in my age.
00:26:53.100So that's my position to carry on my torch because I was able to do it.
00:27:02.840So I put myself with the commitment on the mission.
00:27:07.900But it's not exactly represents all the family members because some, they feel like they not feel quite capable to do for many different reasons.
00:27:19.120Man, let me take a step away from the conversation very briefly.
00:27:22.240Now, Hickson talks about the invisible power of jiu-jitsu, and I often refer to life as a battle.
00:27:28.880Either way, some of the most successful men I've had on the podcast look at life as a fight and a reason to improve themselves every single day.
00:27:37.240Unfortunately, too many men don't know where to start and how to do it.
00:27:40.880That's why I've made this free course available called 30 Days to Battle Ready.
00:27:45.620When you sign up for this free course, you'll immediately unlock access to a series of emails
00:27:49.980that will teach you the systems I've developed and tested with tens of thousands of men over nearly a decade of doing this work.
00:27:57.640So if you're ready to take on the fight of your life seriously, get it done seriously,
00:28:02.560then get signed up at orderofman.com slash battle ready today and get to work on training yourself,
00:28:10.440on dealing with and confronting all that life has to throw at you.
00:28:43.160Do you feel like your diagnosis with Parkinson's disease has impacted your identity at all?
00:28:53.200Because it would be easy for me on the outside looking in to feel like you may have tied all of your identity
00:28:59.180and your ability to protect and fight up in that, in being a fighter, if you will, for, you might correct me on the term.
00:29:07.020And then now, all of a sudden, you're diagnosed with a health condition that certainly physically limits you in your ability to fight combatively.
00:29:16.440Yeah, that's a great question because the Parkinson doesn't change me, change my abilities, change my mechanics, change the way I deal with mobility.
00:29:29.640But I keep a water in my mind, and then I start to realize the tools I'm still using daily as a martial artist.
00:29:39.180And I get very motivated to pass this to others.
00:29:43.160Like in my second book, my idea is to how I can use Parkinson's to inspire myself to do something.
00:29:53.780So now I'm focused on the invisible jiu-jitsu, which is related to breathing, which is related to strategy, which is related to hope and faith and some kind of other positions.
00:30:10.140Because the invisible jiu-jitsu is not there because you have to believe in what I'm saying, but you have to feel it, what I'm trying to say.
00:30:17.960So it's invisible because it's not in a picture you cannot see, but it's very, you're able to see, to feel the difference and say, wow, I make such a difference to have this and that instead of this or that.
00:30:32.180So in that invisible jiu-jitsu gives the sense of how to empower people without the physicality.
00:30:39.100Because if you start to breathe properly, if you start to believe in proper things, if you start to understand the mechanics, you don't have to fight to win.
00:30:51.260Because in a big part of my career, I was fighting to win.
00:30:57.100And that was something I'm proud and happy about it.
00:31:00.340But from that point in my life ahead, I have to win without a fight, which makes me happy too, in a different circumstance, because I outsmart my opponents, I get better conclusions, I make better decisions, I'm avoiding problems, I have better strategies to deal with my strategies.
00:31:23.320So I make myself more capable to use the invisible aspects of jiu-jitsu and still motivated to pass this to others.
00:31:32.120So I'm still a master, changing a little bit the perspective of my abilities, but very motivated to still inspire people and serve people in the way they need the most.
00:31:43.540And I feel like the invisible jiu-jitsu can be much more acceptable and usable for average people than actually the physical jiu-jitsu, which demands from you your guts, your toughness, your competitiveness.
00:32:00.740So it's still good to build you up in a very good way, build your character, but you have to have the elements to enjoy that practice.
00:32:10.040But on the other hand, the invisible jiu-jitsu gives you a sense of self-defense, mobilities and angles for you to simplify your athleticism and maximize your effectiveness.
00:32:24.120Give you a sense of, I'm not a fighter, I never will be a fighter, but I can survive if guys try to choke me, or I can escape, or I can have a chance to keep my distance.
00:32:33.840So you start to use different elements to explore and get advantages, which means you don't have to fight to win, but you can win without a fight.
00:34:25.260He can get in jail if he gets the guy, beat the guy.
00:34:28.620So for him, it's not a smart idea to try to resolve the problem with his hands.
00:34:34.940And he proved that's right because he got killed.
00:34:38.740So if he say, oh, man, I'm sorry, Apollo, that's a beer you want, please, drink another beer for the guy here.
00:34:44.420So if he can resolve the problem in a much gentle way, but because he has a big ego, because he has this idea of being able to destroy anyone he touches,
00:34:55.160sometimes he takes that hard mentality to the street, and he can get stabbed by a teenager with 14 years old who stabbed him on the back.
00:35:20.740And not only that, but ironically, I imagine that the invisible jujitsu that you're talking about not only helps you with ordinary everyday life,
00:35:29.700but it probably actually makes you a better fighter, too.
00:35:33.360You know, I think about somebody coming in, and I remember when I was a white belt and I went to my first one or two classes,
00:35:39.540and I've always been fairly athletic, and so I just thought I can just bully people.
00:35:46.180I can use my strength, and I can bully people, and I found out that, no, for me, learning to conserve my energy and be smart was going to be way more effective
00:35:56.000than just trying to wrestle people and fight people with my strength that maybe were not quite as strong as me,
00:36:02.440but certainly more talented or more skilled than I was.
00:36:08.400So that invisible jujitsu serves – it's a principle.
00:36:11.140It serves broadly rather than just one application.
00:43:09.600And you start to, by practice, build yourself under this kind of realistic ground, which favors you in a tremendous way to improve, you know, because it's for real.
00:43:22.440So if you stick with the practice, you're going to get a better person.
00:43:36.540Well, one of the things in the book that I really stood out to me was the chapter where you talk about feeling and not thinking.
00:43:43.800And I've seen a lot of people try to think their way through situations or circumstances or maybe even overthink to the point where they don't take action.
00:43:55.880And what I liked about in the book is you're talking more about just the intuition that I think so many men, they don't consider or they don't put enough weight or emphasis behind your intuition in just feeling things.
00:44:10.260Like, for example, you just said earlier, you know, being in an environment where it feels like there's bad energy, like you don't need to look around and think if you're feeling it, something's telling you whether it's God or you're some sort of sixth sense that we might have.
00:44:24.540Something is telling you this is not a good environment and you don't need to think about it.
00:44:28.700You already feel it, so just accept it and find a different way home.
00:44:34.860People have sometimes the idea of not respecting their intuition.
00:44:42.480And I believe through breathing, through an idea of meditation, you increase that potential because you become more quiet inside and you're able to hear what is the word have to offer with more perfection.
00:44:58.360So the idea of intuition, I really respect my intuition.
00:45:02.760I really obey my subconscious when they command something for me.
00:45:10.660So the idea I have about people can even change immediately based on the experience I live.
00:45:20.820So I can have a profound admiration for somebody.
00:45:24.840If I met him today and I see him sitting on the table for lunch and the waiter come and serve him water and he don't even look into the guy and not say thank you, I'm going to get an impression from the guy, you know.
00:45:39.560So this guy is very, he's a very smart, very important, very rich, but he don't have gratitude in his heart.
00:45:46.740He does not thank you for the guy who gave him water.
00:45:48.960He thinks he needs to be served without getting, without saying thank you, you know.
00:45:59.160By his personal attitudes, I can maybe downgrade my admiration for the guy just based on how he responds to a waiter or how he say thank you for his employee or if he don't say nothing.
00:46:16.120So the idea of analyzing people gives me the sense of I have to be on top of what I should do with this guy because he showed me this and that.
00:46:26.520So I don't want to be aggressive, but I have to make him understand I don't agree with him.
00:46:33.200So my intuition gives me the sense where I should not be blind and respect the guy just because he's famous, just because he's rich, just because he has power.
00:46:43.220For me, he has to be not a tyrant, but a leader.
00:46:49.300He has to be something who inspires me to follow him.
00:46:52.940And if something goes wrong, I lost my ability to admire the guy.
00:46:58.780I will respect that and I will follow my intuition to not follow him anymore or not.
00:47:04.280So my intuition guide me to the points I feel like energy is very important, very relevant to myself, positive energy, negative energy.
00:47:14.600So all this makes account for me to know what I'm going to do next and how I'm going to.
00:47:21.120In terms of business and contracts, it's not about the contract you sign with people.
00:47:26.280It's about who you sign contracts with.
00:47:28.840So no matter what you put in the paper, things can be changed, turned over, and you can be in a problem.
00:47:37.360So that's why you have to have the intuition to relate yourself and negotiate yourself with people you can trust, people you feel like, regardless of the paper, going to give you a sense of respect and equally and being good.
00:47:53.480So for me, I obey my intuition more than anything.
00:47:59.840So with regards to that, I think a lot of the times it's easy to conflate your intuition with fear.
00:48:09.800And so your intuition might be saying, hey, be careful.
00:48:13.920And so if you listen to it that way, you might back out of, let's say, a lucrative financial investment, for example.
00:48:24.140But really, all it was wasn't really your intuition telling you something was off.
00:48:28.520It was just a level of fear that you had because maybe you're investing more than you would typically be comfortable with.
00:48:34.340So how do you differentiate between when your intuition is telling you something is truly off and you're just afraid because you're in a new realm of life?
00:49:26.220I have all the elements to say no, but my gut feelings say I should invest on this because this can give me some.
00:49:34.480So in other hands, you have to obey your intuition after all the conclusions, after all the reasons, after all these emotions, after all the fear.
00:49:44.800Your intuition has to guide you over the fear because, again, your intuition has to have courage.
00:49:53.060To be intuitive, you have to be courageous.
00:50:17.940And then in my hands, I say, I should hold today because tomorrow is going to.
00:50:21.640So whatever decisions I make with my intuition coming out after all the reasons, all the subjects, all the strategies are made.
00:50:34.820Yeah, I like that you're talking about being well-rounded.
00:50:38.500So you're not relying too heavily on your intuition and forgetting the rational side of your brain and approach that, you know, I think about it, for example, in the context of love.
00:50:49.620It's easy to fall in love with people.
00:50:52.800You know, I hear from guys every single day.
00:51:06.420You can love a person who has values and ideals and dreams that are completely antithetical to yours.
00:51:12.820You ought to take that side into consideration, too.
00:51:15.440But then on the flip side, I see a lot of people who see all these red flags in a potential significant other, and they just completely ignore them and do it anyways.
00:51:28.040And it's like, well, what about all those red flags?
00:51:37.320Yes, I feel like you have the reasons to get doubts about something, but you sometimes say, no, my pleasure or my desire is bigger than my doubts.
00:51:50.740So you're not respecting your intuition, you're not respecting your profound ability to have to live with because you think things are going to change as they get older or people are going to change.
00:52:06.020So if you see a lack of something you don't agree in the beginning of the relationship, you should not insist on that.
00:52:15.560You should be reasonable enough to accept there are differences, and you can maybe talk with the difference and see how willing people to change.
00:52:25.020But if you feel like it's hardcore to make the change, you have to accept this is not going to be a long-term relationship.
00:52:32.560It has to be something fun, but it has like a terminal state because you're not going to be able to live the rest of your life under this insecure or uncomfortable state.
00:52:48.260Ironically, I think a lot of those relationships like that where they stay with a person are fear-driven.
00:52:54.120For example, it might be, well, I don't know if I could find somebody else, and I'm afraid to be alone.
00:53:00.940Maybe they won't even voice that, but subconsciously, it's all coming from a place of fear is where it's coming from.
00:53:07.500Yeah, sometimes I don't want to lose my house.
00:53:13.180Yeah, so those are the negative fears, you know, because the first important thing for you is to feel yourself in charge of your own destiny.
00:53:27.740So if the problem is the house, give the house to the wife and start to buy a new life and a different thing and trying to buy another house, trying to find yourself happy in a different way.
00:53:41.320Because, you know, people get sometimes too attached to money or to finances or to status or to what you look like posting on the internet.
00:53:53.900There's a lot of ego-driving situations which doesn't translate the reality of your life.
00:53:59.420So it's important to be honest with yourself and be willing to renegotiate everything, any point, then just stay fixed on the deal.
00:54:11.900Because you don't want to regret, it's too hard to train, to change now.
00:54:20.000I prefer to be unhappy in the house than happy outside.
00:54:23.660So people start to make more conclusions and that's very sad.
00:54:31.120It leads a little bit into, I think, the chapter where you talk a lot about rules of engagement.
00:54:36.000And I think that's important because I've seen a lot of men who will – maybe to go to another example with women specifically is guys will – you'll hear them say,
00:54:45.560oh, you know, I got caught up in the moment and then they end up, for example, cheating on their spouse or the person they love.
00:54:53.600I think it's really crucial that we figure out some rules in which we're going to operate before we're emotionally or mentally or physically compromised.
00:55:03.280What do you say about that chapter when it comes to rules of engagement?
00:55:06.200I feel like in any situation, regardless if it's business, if it's emotional, the idea of engaging is something which we have to focus on.
00:55:25.520Not only the actual emotions, but you have to also engage reasonably to become rational about it, to become philosophical about it.
00:55:40.860Because the engagement has parts, has the physical part, has the emotional, mental part, and has the spiritual part.
00:55:49.120So for me, I've been seeking to get this balance between my spiritual, my physical, and my mental.
00:55:57.920And that balance requires for me to stay aligned with people who have the same ability to looking for that.
00:56:06.840So relationships are made with common things to be.
00:56:13.300Like, for example, if I go engage with somebody.
00:56:16.500Like, I'm an athlete, I have a very much restricted kind of life, my nutrition values.
00:56:25.540So the time I have to sleep, my workouts.
00:57:51.960Okay, let's have fun every time we're here and find ourselves medium in this country or whatever.
00:58:00.380Or I can have some tight relationship where the lady is going to live with me and we're going to have kids and we're going to have family.
00:58:07.760But as I decide to make family with this, I have reasonably the idea of putting hair as the center of my life and not having the engagement with hair and allow myself to be free on the other side.
00:58:24.620So the idea of being loyal, the idea of being honest, the idea of being focused and putting the women at the center of my life has these rules of engagement coming from the sense of respect, love, companionship, and so on.
00:58:48.540So depending how I treat my partner, how I treat myself is the kind of rules of engagement I will be looking for.
00:58:57.340Yeah, it sounds like when you're talking about rules of engagement, that it's mostly your own set of standards, even expectations that you have of a relationship, whether it's business or romantic.
00:59:11.460And then also, I think the important component that you're talking about here, too, is communicating.
00:59:15.940You know, if you have rules of engagement and you want a relationship, for example, to go to one way, but you haven't clearly articulated that to the other person, then you're not being respectful to them and giving them an opportunity to decide if their rules of engagement are aligned with yours.
00:59:35.340I mean, I think about that in combat sports or football or any sporting event.
00:59:40.520The rules of engagement are so clearly stated that both sides of the competition have decided to bring a third party into the competition to ensure that the rules of engagement we agreed upon are followed.
00:59:55.560So it is really important that everybody knows the rules.
00:59:59.000Otherwise, it's just not fair to the other person.
01:00:01.840Yes, and people sometimes, they engage without the rules, just for the superficial emotion, just for the look on the eyes, just because the smell.
01:00:12.840They're thinking about the relationship, but in a very shallow way.
01:00:16.940So, and then that will basically be destroyed in a very quick, you know, any scenario which is not anticipated can be destroyed in the relationship because you're not there to make it happen, to make it work.
01:00:32.080You're there because you need this or that from your partner.
01:00:48.520And I would encourage other people to read it, too.
01:00:50.100Obviously, we're just scratching the surface on what is available.
01:00:53.940Can you let the guys know where to pick up a copy of the book and then also how to connect with you?
01:00:59.940Yes, this book will be launched by Harpin Collins.
01:01:02.860It's going to be a national launch on the, I think, 14th of November.
01:01:10.040And I hope people love it because I did not make this for martial artists.
01:01:17.260I make this for average people who think, who can think like champions and be able to resolve their problems or maximizing their capacity to resolve.
01:02:00.600I mean, I'm not sure this is going to be the last, but that's one I'm going to take to the end of my days because I've tried to beat this, this condition, you know, and I'm inspired to do so.
01:02:10.340And in the meantime, I'm very happy to still practice invisible jiu-jitsu and show people how important for them is to grow in a holistic way for body, mind, spirit.
01:02:35.380I do, as always, when I'm able to have conversations with Hickson and other incredible guests.
01:02:39.300If you would, please make sure that you go connect with Hickson on the socials, X, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, wherever you're doing your thing.
01:02:50.120Even shoot him a message and say that you heard the podcast here on Order of Men.
01:02:54.220Not only does that let him know that it was valuable for him to be here and you're getting value from it, it helps us also secure additional incredible guests that I know you guys want to have on.
01:03:04.460And I'm working currently and in talks with some powerhouse guests that you're going to be very excited about.
01:03:10.580So make sure you subscribe to the podcast as well if you haven't already.
01:03:14.640Also, make sure to pick up a copy of Comfort in Darkness, The Invisible Power of Jiu-Jitsu by Hickson Gracie.
01:03:21.880I got a pre-release copy of it and I can tell you it is a great book.
01:03:27.780There's a lot of value in that book and a lot of actionable items that you can implement every single day to improve your life.
01:03:33.680Last thing, guys, make sure to tag me.
01:03:36.380Again, tag Hickson on your social media posts.
01:03:39.520Just hit share real quick wherever you're listening to this podcast and send it to your brother, father, family member, cousin, uncle, nephew, any man that would need to hear the message that Hickson shared with me today and this message generally of reclaiming and restoring masculinity.
01:03:55.600All right, guys, we'll be back tomorrow for my Ask Me Anything with my co-host Kip Sorensen.
01:03:59.980Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.
01:04:06.120Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
01:04:09.060If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
01:04:16.260Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.