ROB O'NEILL and DAKOTA MEYER | Master Life's Toughest Battles
Episode Stats
Summary
As a man, you are asked to shoulder not only your own burdens, but oftentimes the weight of others, wife, children, friends and family, neighbors. It can be a daunting task, but really worth making yourself capable enough to do it with honor. Today I m joined by two of the most decorated and recognized U.S. military veterans, Rob O'Neill and Dakota Meyer, to talk about what it takes to master your toughest battles. We talk about harnessing the gift of our strengths, why there can t be accountability without conflict, what it means to have true integrity in your life without war, and how to deal with the dehumanization of war after the aftermath. You re a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time you are not easily deterred, defeated, or tough. This is who you are.
Transcript
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As a man, you're asked to shoulder not only your own burdens, but oftentimes the weight of others,
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wife, children, friends and family, neighbors. It can be a daunting task, but really worth making
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yourself capable enough to do it with honor. Today, I'm joined by two of the most decorated
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and recognized U.S. military veterans, Rob O'Neill and Dakota Meyer, to talk about what it takes to
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master your toughest battles. We talk about harnessing the gift of our strengths, why there
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can be no accountability whatsoever in your life without conflict, what it means to have true
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integrity, also the dehumanization of war and what it's like to deal with that in the aftermath
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and also how to build a lasting legacy. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest,
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embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more
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time. Every time you are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is
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your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become at the end of the day. And after all
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is said and done, you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is
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Ryan Mickler. I'm your host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. What I'm doing
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here is interviewing incredible men, men that have stories, men that have lessons and life experiences
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that we can learn from and grow from and then implement some of their strategies for excellence
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into our own lives. So I've got a very good one today. It's a little different because we actually
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have two guests on the podcast at once. And I can't think of more than maybe one or two times
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we've done that in the past. I've got Rob O'Neill and Dakota Meyer here today. And I'll get into that
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in just a minute. Before we do just want to mention that we did that big iTunes rating and review
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giveaway. And I want to thank you for all the support on that. I think we got over 800 reviews
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somewhere right in there. Maybe it was 600, 600 or 800. I can't remember right off hand.
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And it was very, very cool to see the support and your feedback and how much you're enjoying
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the conversation. So we'll do that again in the very near future. And we've already drawn a winner and
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announced that and reached out to that person. So congratulations. And also thank you so much for the
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support on that. Speaking of support. I also want to mention our friends and show sponsors origin USA.
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at checkout again, originusa.com use the code order. All right, guys, let me introduce you to two men
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that I don't think in this circle anyways, need any introduction. Rob O'Neill and Dakota Meyer.
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Obviously they're two of the most recognizable military members. And they've also been very
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public about their time and service and the circumstances they each found themselves in.
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Rob is a retired Navy SEAL with SEAL Team 6 and was the man to kill the world's most wanted man,
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Osama bin Laden. Dakota is the first living Marine to receive the Medal of Honor since the Vietnam War.
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He's been on the podcast a couple of times talking about that scenario and how that all played out.
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But both of them are so much more than those two experiences as they're both highly sought after
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public speakers, they're advocates for veterans. And again, they're very vocal, which makes them
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obviously both very polarizing about current events, both at home and abroad. And they're also
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the authors of their newest book, The Way Forward, master life's toughest battles and create your
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lasting legacy. Dakota, Rob, what's up guys? Good to have you on the podcast. I think actually
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this might be the first time I've had two people on at least remotely. So this, this will be an
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experiment. We'll see how this goes today. Well, I couldn't think of two better people to have on,
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you know, I mean, if we're going to try it, this is the two guys to do it with, right?
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Let's be the, uh, the dummies, man. We were pretty good at playing that part.
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Yeah, for sure. Well, Dakota, I've been connected with you for man years at this point. You came on
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the podcast very early on and Rob, we kind of been dancing around on the fringes a little bit. Uh,
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we've got some mutual friends. So to be able to connect with you guys to American heroes.
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And when I say that like legitimate American heroes, man, uh, what, what an honor to be able to join
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you guys and have you here on the podcast. Appreciate you having us. Seriously. Thanks
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for the time. Tell me about the, uh, tell me about the new book. Cause look, I'm going to come out of
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the gates like this. You know, there's a lot of, uh, veterans and military members who, who come out
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with books on leadership and the principles that you guys have learned in combat. Um, and so I'm,
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I'm really anxious to know what makes this different and then how we can utilize that.
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I don't know what the percentage is, but it's gotta be what 1% or so of, of Americans that
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serve in the military and how that translates over into most of the men who are listening,
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who are, you know, civilians and don't have any time in service.
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Yeah. You know, I, um, I think this book is, is, is very different. You know, when we set out to go
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around, I mean, obviously you, you publish books, so you understand how the process works of, of going
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around and pitching to different publishers and figuring out, you know, it's not only them seeking if they
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want your book, but you know, me and Rob were very adamant with, um, with our publisher or not
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with our publisher, with our agent and with everybody helping put this together that, that
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it wasn't just about who, who like, you know, offered us a deal, but it was about having the
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right team on board because the message of this book and getting it out and making sure, um, you
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know, our purpose of the book was way more important than, than anything else, uh, behind it,
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you know, make, make, making sure that we felt like they would get the message out, making sure
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that, you know, that our interest in our message and our idea would, would stay, um, would stay
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solid through the whole process was something that we, we were focused on the whole time.
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And that's why we chose to go with Harper Collins. And, um, you know, the big idea for us was,
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is we both felt like, you know, I mean, let's be honest, there's a lot of people that came back and,
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and, uh, they, they wanted like being famous and having a book out and being able to talk about
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themselves was absolutely everything they wanted to do, right. Give them five seconds and they're
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going to tell you every war story they can. Um, you know, that wasn't me and Rob, you know,
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and, and we both get accused of it a lot, but, but honestly, that's what people ask us. That's
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what people want to hear from us, you know, and this was kind of our book, you know, to where we could
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talk about more than just, you know, look, being a medal of honor recipient, the battle of Ganjagal
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and, and, you know, and the man that killed bin Laden, you know, we wanted to come out and provide
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the stories that, Hey, look, we're just like everybody else. Like, you know, we're just two
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guys that chose to, to, to try to make the world a better place. And it's, we're all the same in that
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aspect. And that was kind of the, you know, the gist behind this book of, of, of making sure that we
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could humanize war, right? Like war has been romanticized since nine 11. Um, it's been the
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books, the way the books have been wrote, the way these stories have been told. I mean, we've got
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our children literally playing video games about the shit that keeps us awake at night. That's how
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much it was romanticized. And, you know, me and Rob look at each other and we're like, listen, we
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didn't do anything special. Like we were just there. And, um, we are literally, uh, we rose to the
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occasion and that that's, that's about the difference between us and people who don't
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right. I mean, if you strip it all away, I think, I think, yes, I think you're right.
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You rose to the occasion, but to say you didn't do anything special, I think does a disservice
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to the work that you guys have done because anybody from the outside looking in is going
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to say, no, that's, that's special. That's unique. That's different. And I'm not sure that
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But what I think we're saying, I know what I'm saying is, uh, you know, you got a dude
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from Kentucky, a dude from Montana that, you know, either raising chickens or trying to
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shoot free throws, whatever the hell we were doing. And then you end up in these situations
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because, you know, we all come from somewhere and we're kind of proven that as long as you
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make yourself available, you can pretty much do anything if you keep a positive attitude.
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You know, we've all, something we all have in common, most of us is, um, we've all had our
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first day somewhere and we've all been scared at some point. It's, it's nervous. And, and, uh,
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you know, the more you put yourself out there, one of my favorite quotes is wherever you are,
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be there. Something that I've learned is that if you, if you, if you just give it time, time
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heals everything, no matter what you're doing, how uncomfortable it is, you're going to get used
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to it. Uh, and you know, if you, if you, if you, if you can help to surround yourself with good
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people, um, make yourself available and you can, you can get picked for anything. You can do anything
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you want and, uh, just stay there in the whole, uh, you know, just don't be the person that
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cowers in the corner. When something happens, you need to rise up and do it. Most of us are the same.
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Even when I first went to the Navy, uh, I was from Butte, Montana. And all I knew in that bubble
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was that Butte, Montana was the center of the earth for me. And that's all I'm doing.
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And people from Chicago or Miami or Los Angeles are better than me because they're from somewhere
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else. But then I go to bootcamp and this is Navy bootcamp. And, um, you know, I, there, there were,
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there were the, the tough guys from the Bronx. There were, there were gang members from Southern
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California, but it's all our first day there. And we're all pretty much the same. It's, it was kind of
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a unique new experience. And I think what we're doing is, um, trying to be relatable for everything.
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And most things that we do, the lessons that we learn, you can, you're going to, you're going to
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find a lot of the same similarities. And there's, there's very, you know, there's not a whole lot
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of them and we're all, we're all kind of cut from the same cloth. Yeah. Well, you know, what's
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interesting to hear you guys talk is you're both, I don't know if you would agree with this,
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but from the outside looking in and from what we see on social media, and that's a whole other
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conversation is you guys tend to be too polar, pretty polarizing figures, whether by design or
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not. I can't imagine that it is because Rob, I've heard you talk about, there's no left and right.
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We're here as Americans, right? But yet it's so polarized. And I see what you guys post on social
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media. And I can't imagine the level of hostility and vitriol, uh, that you receive by simply posting
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things that I anyways interpret to be, you know, positive messages about reclaiming America and
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doing what's right and standing for what's good and true, et cetera, et cetera.
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No, I mean, you got to figure the social media is not real. And, uh, again, I love to throw quotes
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out from people who are smarter than me. One of my favorite quotes from Babe Ruth, he said, uh,
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the loudest booze come from the cheapest seats. So you're the, the person yelling you, uh, on Twitter
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is not sometimes not even a real person, but when you, when you actually get out amongst it with
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the real people, cause uh, some, we say in this book, it's, um, it's a big planet, but it's a
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small world. Most people agree. Real America has each other's backs. Um, they don't like what's
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going on and just, there, there's a loud few that control a lot of the aspects of how we can, you
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know, how we, um, communicate with each other. And, and, uh, but I mean, even, even people that I know
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people I've yelled at on social media, but in person we get along. It's like, yeah, it's such a point
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that you're not even yelling at a person. You're yelling at what someone said you disagree with at
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your screen, right? I mean, it's a, uh, yeah. I mean, and that's, that's the thing, right? Is,
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is yeah. I mean, we do. I mean, I listen, I mean, I was responding to a guy that was just talking
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shit to me on Rob's Twitter feed or Instagram feed this morning. And you know, the thing is,
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is, and so going back to where you said, Oh, we did something special. Well, we really didn't.
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Right. And I mean, if you were there, I mean, you do shit that's special all the time. You know,
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everybody on the face of the planet that does stuff that's special all the time for no recognition.
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Right. And, and we just, we just did our job. And I truly believe that, right. I truly believe that,
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like that if you had been standing there the day that I was on, on September 8, 2009, you'd have done
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the exact same thing. You want to know how, and why I believe that because it's the right thing to
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do. All I did was the right thing to do in that moment. Right. It's literally that simple. I mean,
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I've never been the fastest, the best shooter. I mean, you know what I mean? Like I was not any of
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that. I just, I loved people. I believed in the idea of, of, of, of humans. And I just did what I felt
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was right at that moment. And I wasn't going to let anything else, um, dictate what I did. And so,
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you know, for all, all the people out there, yeah, I mean, there's tons and tons of haters.
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Um, you know, I, and we are polarizing, but are we polarizing because, you know, because like,
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like it's, it's, why are we polarizing? We're polarizing because we don't care to tell you
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how we feel. We don't care to state what 90% of the people in the room are thinking me and Rob,
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just go ahead and say it out loud. You know why? And the difference in us and everybody else is,
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is we live life on our own terms. Nobody tells me what to do. I don't owe anybody.
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I know that at the end of the day, that am I wrong a lot? 100%. But guess what? I'm okay with saying
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that. Like, Hey, you know what? I was wrong. I apologize. What's next. Right. And, and there's
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all these people that just, you know, that is threatening to them. That's threatening to them.
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When, when there's people out there who can not only they, they, they think about it, they verbalize
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it. And then on the backside of it, they live it. They live it. Right. And, and that's the thing is,
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is you, you can call me a lot of things. I mean, I was walking out, I dropped, dropped Rob off at a
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podcast. Um, or actually I was leaving a podcast the other day and there was a guy who literally
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was sitting in the corner up there. And as I walk out, he just comes up to me. I never seen him in
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my life. And he goes, man, um, met you one time and, and you're, I always hated you because you're
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an asshole. He goes, but man, you changed my life. And I just wanted to shake your hand and tell you
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that, you know, that, that you changed my life. And so it's like, you know, do you not like what I hear?
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What I say is it, is it cause you don't like it or is it, is it because it's wrong? There's a big
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difference. Well, I, I think what it actually is, is that we interpret just generally speaking,
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somebody who speaks their mind, like both of you gentlemen do as, as being an asshole,
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because we're not familiar with it because nobody speaks their mind. They're tiptoeing on eggshells.
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And, and, and it's very rare. I think, I don't know, maybe that's not fair in certain circles.
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I'll say at least on social to find somebody who's willing to stand by their convictions,
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say what they mean. And then when somebody says it, everybody freaks out because they're not used
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to experiencing somebody who has the balls to say what's on their mind. Yeah. Yeah. And you know,
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we we've got this idea. I see this in the fire service a lot, this idea of brotherhood or whatever
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you want to call it, uh, has changed from, I'm going to tell you what you need to hear. I'm going to
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hold you accountable and I'm going to push you to be your best. It's changed from that to, I want you
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to like me. Hmm. You know, I want you to like me. I don't want to hurt your feelings. I want, I want,
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you know, I just want you to like me and you know, that's how it is. And then like, and that's the
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exact opposite of what brotherhood is. Brotherhood is me holding you accountable to the standard that
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I know that you're capable of achieving that even when you don't feel like it, right. It's that,
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it's literally that iron sharpens iron. And that's what, you know, I own, I talk to people
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the way I want to be talked to. If I'm, if I'm wrong, like you better call me out. Like you
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better call me out in front of everyone. And you better like, don't ever let me be wrong
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and let me continue to be wrong after you've recognized that, because then why are you my
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friend? Yeah. Well, a lot of people will bitch and moan about what you said that's right or wrong,
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but they won't do it to your face. You know, they'll go around and they'll talk about you to
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other people. And they're kind of dancing on these fringes when yeah, men come to each other and talk
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to each other face to face price precisely because we care. If we didn't care, then we'd be oblivious
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or indifferent to the truth, or at least exposing some, some things that maybe you've said that
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I don't necessarily agree with, for example. Yeah. I mean, where did, why did we, why did we
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as men, I mean, I mean, literally we were put on earth to provide, protect.
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Why have we gotten so far away from, why are we so scared of conflict?
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I mean, isn't like, like there is no accountability without conflict.
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There's none. Like I, you know, I don't care what anyone says.
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Like if you're not comfortable with conflict, well, you're in the wrong game, right? I mean, look,
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you better get out of the jungle. Cause you're just a little house cat.
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Rob, what do you think about that when it comes to accountability with conflict and why we,
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I think this is generally societally true. Why are we so afraid of this conflict?
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People don't really like the, the hard conversation. And me as a leader, you know, I was,
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I was a team leader at seal team six and that's having the hard conversation with like tier one
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assets. It's a difficult thing to do because there's going to be a conflict there. And you
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know, you, I don't think you ever need to resort to getting physical with each other as far as
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teammates and all that stuff. But you know, there's different ways. Like I had a boss that
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instead of yelling at me, cause I get defensive, he would say, instead of coming right at me,
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he would say, man, you're just better than that. And like, leave. It's like, oh shit.
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That's like when your parents say they're disappointed in you and then just walk away.
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And leave. Um, but right now, um, you it's, you can't even, people don't even want to have a
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disagreement of ideas or say, I think you're wrong about this. They just start name calling
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and, uh, it just becomes such a society of, you know, if I, if, if I knock someone out,
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I'm getting sued. Um, cause they just know there's weenie little ways around. I mean,
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a real man wouldn't do that. Wouldn't, wouldn't sue someone else for knocking them out and just
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take his, take his lumps or whatever. But, um, yeah, conflict's kind of gone away.
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I ever, have you seen those pictures online where like two dudes are arguing and all they do is
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they don't yell, but they just keep flipping each other off. Like it's like a silent film fight for
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beta males. Have you seen, there's the one of the, the video of the dogs they're behind a gate and
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they're yelling at each other and then they open the gate and they both go run off. That's what it
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reminds me of. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. I don't know. I mean, there's, there's nothing,
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it's not even, I mean, conflict doesn't need to be physical. Like I said, conflict is even
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just disagreeing saying, no, I disagree with this and here's why. And, uh, and like there's,
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there's, we've lost, we've lost a lot of the art to debate because if you say, Hey, here's a problem
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and here's, you can't even, you can't even tell the truth because you're labeled an ism or, uh,
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you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you don't like this race or you're a transphobe or you're
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Islamophobe or you're whatever. They just start calling your names. It's like, and the problem with
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that, it's, it's like the whole, um, the boy who cried wolf. Like if, if, if, if everything's
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racist, nothing's racist. We used to say in the, in the military, because everyone's so soft now
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and everyone needs to be inclusive that, uh, everyone, you guys probably noticed this,
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everything was special operations, something. So these are special operations janitors. This is
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special operations administration. It's like, if everything's special, nothing is, nothing is
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they're just bland, making everything so fucking bland. And that's, and that's just a, it's a
00:20:26.860
result of, um, you know, whatever there's, there's great people everywhere. Again, I don't want to
00:20:30.360
lump people in because most of the bullshit we hear is on social media and TV. Like most people are good,
00:20:35.560
but I mean, we keep dumbing it down. You're going to, you're going to get what you're having in China
00:20:39.060
and Russia right now when they're over there pumping oil. And all we want to do is say the number one
00:20:43.220
thing for our national defense is to fight climate change and make our ships in the Navy green. It's
00:20:48.060
ridiculous. Right. Well, I think this is the value of the conversations that we're having here. I know
00:20:53.140
I've even just in the past week personally had interactions that were, uh, less than favorable,
00:20:59.360
we'll say on social media. And then you get on the horn with these guys and the tone is completely
00:21:03.860
different. And so I think it's important that, yeah, I love social media. You said it's not real.
00:21:08.840
I contend with that a little bit. I get what you're saying. It's virtual. There's a lot of ways to hide
00:21:13.160
behind it, but it's also created opportunities like this, where we can have real meaningful
00:21:17.040
conversations. Oh yeah. There's good to it. It just, you know, the scumbags have come out like
00:21:20.920
they always do. Yeah. Well, and I think it's up to us individually to curate it, uh, and then to
00:21:26.920
move it into, you know, real life where you're having real conversations or you're doing this or
00:21:32.800
even getting together face to face. Well, I'd say it's a Trojan horse, um, for the cowards. So that's,
00:21:39.780
that's the problem with social media is it's, it's a Trojan horse for the cowards. And, uh,
00:21:44.040
it allows them to, um, to lie to themselves and to lie to others, to pretend like that they,
00:21:50.920
you know, that they are, uh, something that they're not right. And that's, that's the problem
00:21:56.100
with it. And it gives them a platform to say things that they would never say. And I'm a true believer,
00:22:00.460
like, do not let anything come out of your mouth that you wouldn't say if the person was standing
00:22:05.260
right there in front of you. Right. And, and these people, it allows them to sit in their mom's
00:22:10.100
basement and, uh, you know, talk shit when, when, and that's, and that's where, that's where men have
00:22:16.280
gotten weak. Right. And look, and I agree with Rob, like I, I, I don't care anything about violence
00:22:22.320
anymore. Right. Like I don't care anything about, I hope, you know, I hear these guys like, oh, I train
00:22:27.040
at my house and I just, I just pray somebody breaks in my house. And I'm like, you know, I don't,
00:22:32.920
you know, I, do I, I carry concealed and I tell you, I, my prayers to God are that I don't ever
00:22:39.700
have to pull a weapon at somebody again. Right. I don't ever, that I don't have to hurt somebody
00:22:44.600
that I don't have to, because no matter what, like, and that's, and that's, you know, this is a
00:22:48.520
good turn into the book of, you know, that's kind of what me and Rob were bringing together was is,
00:22:53.840
is yeah, I might be justified to take out this, this evil person, but I heard a lot of people around
00:23:01.300
them. I heard that person's mom and dad. I heard that person's kid, that child, whatever, that,
00:23:08.180
whatever people that, that, that loved him. Yeah. I might, I might take out somebody bad, but,
00:23:13.640
but I'm going to hurt a lot of people along the way doing it. Right. And, and, and it's,
00:23:18.780
these things aren't black and white. It's not like the movies. It's not like the books that were wrote
00:23:23.740
that, that, you know, oh, we just killed all these bad guys. Yeah. We killed a lot of bad guys,
00:23:28.120
but guess what we did? We, we hurt a lot of families and, and to humanize these things
00:23:35.060
is just an aspect that we tried to do with the book. The way forward is, is humanizing these
00:23:41.660
events that, you know, not only did we talk about growing up and in our, in our family who made huge
00:23:47.660
influences on us, but, you know, also, you know, taking the lives of, of, of the enemy who was going
00:23:52.660
to take hers at the same thing, but then realizing that, that gosh, you know, this, this person had a,
00:24:00.340
this person has children standing right here. You know, this person has a mom and dad that's going
00:24:04.980
to miss them no matter what. And understanding that at the end of the day, that we're all way more
00:24:11.100
alike than we're not. Oh yeah. Yeah. How about like, I, even with, um, I'm not justifying a lot of
00:24:17.620
actions, but the, the bad guys never think they're the bad guys. They believe in their,
00:24:21.540
what they're doing as much as we believe in what we're doing. And that's, and that's just the
00:24:24.980
real thing, the human element of what's actually going on. And then you can tell too, again,
00:24:29.180
getting back to social media and it's, it's become so glorified. Like Dakota was saying about war,
00:24:33.460
how it's like, whenever I see, uh, like those, you know, I always say on Instagram, I didn't know
00:24:38.720
all my friends were millionaires and private jets and were here until I got on Instagram, but like,
00:24:43.640
you'll see those dudes that sell those shirts and say, I like to kick down doors and shoot
00:24:47.660
fuckers in the face. Uh, my response is no, you don't know. Cause you don't know.
00:24:53.540
How about, how about the one I saw great, I got, I saw a great meme. This dude is literally in
00:24:58.980
Disneyland. He's got a Mickey mouse hat on. And it says, if you, if you see me run and leave,
00:25:04.500
fall or get out of the way. And I'm thinking, what do you think is going to happen today in the magic
00:25:08.580
kingdom, homie? I think that's reserved that, that kind of, that kind of thought process is
00:25:17.900
reserved for people who have never had to actually be in that situation. Like you guys, uh, you know,
00:25:25.920
I am really curious about the, what you're talking about Dakota, when you talk about humanizing these
00:25:32.200
individuals that let's just put it bluntly that you guys have killed. And I would say righteously,
00:25:37.360
um, I think the military probably, and even ourselves as a defense mechanism, probably try
00:25:43.880
to dehumanize our enemies so that we can deal with that. I don't want to put words in your mouth.
00:25:49.040
I'm trying to understand this. So you have, but does humanizing it, does humanizing it though,
00:25:54.620
help you heal or, or like, how do you strike that balance between humanization and dehumanization
00:25:59.640
between your enemies? I don't, I don't think it's up to you to humanize them or not. I think it's the
00:26:03.540
further you get from war and the realization that, uh, combat's not normal. It seemed normal at the
00:26:08.680
time because everyone I know is doing it. But once you get, you know, you get to, you know,
00:26:12.640
wake up at three 30 in the morning and you're thinking about like, there's one guy I think
00:26:15.900
about every single day and it's in the book, the way forward, how, um, he wasn't even the first dude
00:26:20.160
I killed in the house, but I killed him in his bedroom in front of his family. And I've thought
00:26:25.660
about, you know, the only reason I killed him, he did go for a gun. I was well within my rules of
00:26:29.480
engagement, but the only reason that he and I had a problem is because we were born in different parts of
00:26:33.060
the world. And I wonder like, if we met somewhere else, would we have had a cup of coffee and a laugh?
00:26:38.620
Yeah. I mean, and that's, and that's, you know, it's the same thing I've talked about many times
00:26:42.220
is about this guy killed with the rock. Right. And just, just the, like, I, you know, look everywhere
00:26:48.840
from seeing people die in combat to seeing people die, you know, over here in America, right. As a
00:26:55.600
firefighter, I just, I see these, there's this moment that people have this look in their face when,
00:27:01.440
if they were conscious that they, they, you just know that they're just, they, they, they know
00:27:06.380
they're going to die. Right. And, and I, um, I remember that moment hitting with that guy and
00:27:12.700
just thinking to myself, I don't even know this guy. Like, I don't, I don't even know it. Um,
00:27:21.460
Yeah. So, I mean, I, I doubt I thought about it in the moment, but like, I see this guy every day.
00:27:26.300
He's the only guy that I, that I think about, like out of everything that happened, like he's
00:27:30.860
literally the only guy I ever think about the only guy that ever, that ever comes to mind of, of,
00:27:35.740
of war. Right. Unless I'm thinking, unless I'm consciously trying to think about it.
00:27:40.240
But I just, I remember, I do think that there was a pause there to where I'm just like,
00:27:44.280
I don't even, I don't even know this guy, you know, and, and there's nothing fun about it.
00:27:52.160
When you hear people talk about that, you know, I like shooting guys. No, they don't.
00:27:58.620
You've never done it. No, they don't. No, they don't. There's no, there's no one on the face of
00:28:04.240
the planet that wakes up and, and looks forward to, to killing other people unless they're a psycho,
00:28:13.660
right. But, but it's just like, you know, so you asked about like humanizing. So I call it
00:28:21.340
humanizing versus objectifying, right? Like, you know, look, when I'm on a fire truck or I'm going
00:28:26.500
out and I'm running a call. Yeah. I mean, I have to objectify that person. Cause if I start thinking
00:28:31.180
about that, that they're a human being and, and I look over and I see their wife sitting there as I'm
00:28:36.100
doing CPR on them, I couldn't, I can't take it. Right. I mean, I, I just, it just, it's overwhelming the
00:28:42.000
emotions and I have to look at this as a systematic approach. And so I think the same thing is there in
00:28:46.740
the military, but I think that at the end of the day, you can't help, but at some point that this
00:28:52.960
is going to be humanized. Right. And I think this is where everybody that, and it helps you process it
00:28:57.800
and you have to be able to make sense with it. And I look at that guy and I always wonder, you know,
00:29:03.200
that guy changed my life more than any, any single individual on the face of the planet.
00:29:07.300
And, and he made me a better person. You know, he gave me the power to have love and empathy
00:29:14.120
and understand that, that we're all a lot closer than we think, right. To be able to look at somebody
00:29:20.500
and, and, and understand what, what, you know, um, what really matters between people and, and, and to
00:29:29.580
be able to empathize and to be able to understand that you should choose love over hate every single
00:29:34.920
time because hate will only go so far. So one of the things that a lot of people ask me about the
00:29:41.160
podcast is sometimes I have gentlemen like yourself or other people. And, and they've said to me, you
00:29:46.000
know, I have a hard time relating with these guys. Um, one of the things that you guys talk about in
00:29:50.260
the book is overcoming battles. And so the odds that somebody is going to be in the situation that both
00:29:56.200
of you were presented with is very unlikely. So what are some of the battles that the readers of this
00:30:03.540
book or just listeners might be overcoming and how do you work them through those, those struggles?
00:30:08.800
I think it kind of resorts back to what I was saying about thinking because someone somewhere else,
00:30:13.120
they're better than you. And a lot of people just, they think it's like the whole break glass in case
00:30:17.520
of war. And, you know, even though if I have a few cocktails, I will say I came out of the skylight
00:30:21.760
to kill bin Laden, obviously, um, I'm kidding, but, uh, you know, just normal people doing normal
00:30:25.960
stuff, but, um, we get asked a lot of questions and one of the, here's something that we all can relate
00:30:31.700
to. And especially for younger men, uh, someone says, if you can go back to 15 year old Rob O'Neill
00:30:36.940
and give him any advice, what would it be? My first piece of advice would be ask her out.
00:30:42.880
Whoever she is, it scares the shit out of you. Ask her out. Like I said, we're all afraid. No,
00:30:47.640
she's too pretty bullshit. Ask her out. That's what we can relate to. That's the, that's the moment
00:30:51.900
of, um, you know, when, when, when do I put on my big boy pants and just go do it? And it's like,
00:30:56.480
if you, if you weigh the risks, what if she says, no, well, you're not going out with her anyway.
00:31:00.380
What if she says yes? You know? And that's, that's the sort of thing where, um, even like
00:31:05.440
with, with women, the most beautiful women I know are very self-conscious and I don't know
00:31:09.540
why that is. So everyone has their own demons inside that they think are bigger than them,
00:31:13.540
but they can get past them. And it's just a little serious, that little bit of confidence
00:31:16.820
that, uh, I got this. Um, and that's kind of what it was. It's like, I went up, um, not,
00:31:22.200
you know, not to talk about bin Laden, but I went up the last set of stairs because it wasn't
00:31:25.500
because let's be brave and defend the world. It was, I'm going to blow up. I'm just tired of thinking
00:31:29.600
about it. Let's get this over with, but then something great happens. So the advising that
00:31:33.520
you thought you were going to die is what you're saying. Yeah. But it wasn't like, let's go get
00:31:36.800
them and save the world. It was like, okay, let's just do it. Let's just do it. There's two of us
00:31:39.960
left. Let's just do it. Tired of it. Rob, I've got a question. Um, I, you know, I've seen your posts
00:31:45.180
and, and, and I've been following you for some time. And in the past, uh, I've been not, not critical
00:31:51.680
necessarily, but just skeptical because sometimes it seems like you bring up bin Laden quite often. And
00:31:57.600
I'm like, man, does this guy take like pride in that or what? Like, why do you share that the
00:32:02.280
way that you do? I'm very curious about that. Cause I get it. I get asked by every single
00:32:05.900
person I meet face to face or online. If I respond, take a DM, every single person I meet
00:32:10.160
every single day of my life, ask me about bin Laden. I can't get away from it. And, uh, sometimes now I,
00:32:16.300
uh, I, I think that my team, uh, and you'll notice in Dakota too, we're really good because of our
00:32:22.500
senses of humor. Um, cause if you can keep morale up, I don't give a shit. If you're running a, uh,
00:32:27.980
an HVAC company or you're a plumber or you're a carpenter, if, if your people come into work or
00:32:32.400
happy, they're going to work harder. So, you know, and you know, as a vet that, uh, you know, um, um,
00:32:38.320
the sense of humor is very dark, but that's where that's what the, so, um, if I take enough shit
00:32:44.140
from people, I'll just shove it right in their face. And that's purely for my enjoyment. I'm not trying
00:32:48.720
to get any lessons out of that. The lessons learned with like the bin Laden raid were how
00:32:53.220
good our Intel people are when they need to be. Um, I, I always say too, I was smart enough to
00:32:58.480
carry a sledgehammer and a gun and have a woman say he's that way. It's not like I did anything
00:33:02.800
to pilots who flew us in are amazing, but you know, if, if you follow me on social media, chances are
00:33:07.900
I'm not being very serious. Yeah. I liked that. And I think it's a great way to navigate some of
00:33:12.740
these challenging issues. I think, uh, a lot of the times just cause I've been around it to some degree,
00:33:17.440
uh, I, I get the humor. I think sometimes people have a really hard time understanding
00:33:23.500
the dark humor that a lot of veterans have, uh, because they've just never been exposed to it.
00:33:29.300
And they think it's bad or evil or disgust or whatever. And it's like, well, they're joking.
00:33:32.940
It's camaraderie. That's another example of, Oh, if they're offended by something I said,
00:33:38.060
wow, that sure is their problem. Isn't it? Well, I think people could stand to be offended a
00:33:43.100
little bit more and then just have to sit in it and deal with it. Well, that's where,
00:33:46.600
that's where a lot of really good humor comes from is being offended and then showing some irony in
00:33:50.500
something you're saying. And I mean, if you see some of the posts of code and I have, it's some
00:33:54.100
of the most self-deprecating humor, but it's funny. I mean, get over yourself, get over it.
00:33:58.980
I mean, you know, and, and, and what people don't see are, and let's, and let's be honest. I mean,
00:34:04.680
just, just like, let's say, let's say you're a post, right? Right. I mean, you're, you're always out
00:34:10.180
there, you know, you post because you know what people want to hear. Yeah. Right. Like you post because like
00:34:15.600
your platform, like, again, like, I do, are you going to post it? Oh, you know, I'm going out
00:34:21.280
today to go grocery shopping. No, because nobody, right. So again, when, when, when all this is
00:34:27.360
looked at, and again, this is where, this is where I, again, social media is 100% fake because at the
00:34:34.960
end of the day, like, do you think Rob sits around with his, his beautiful wife, who's a badass and all
00:34:41.280
he talks about, Rob was with me all week. And you think all we talked about was, you know,
00:34:45.500
you know, me getting a medal of honor and him going to kill more stories. Sure. You know what
00:34:49.880
we talked about? You know, we talked about, we talked about, we talked about how we can't wait
00:34:55.240
for the day that, that we don't have to, he doesn't have to mention bin Laden and I can literally delete
00:35:00.900
all my social media and I can go and be somewhere where no one even knows who Dakota Meyer is.
00:35:05.900
Like that is our goal. That's our dream is so that we don't, I mean, do you think we want to live,
00:35:12.300
live the, you know, you know, what Rob doesn't, and I, and I'll say this and what he doesn't say
00:35:18.280
is, is yeah, everybody wants to hear about, oh, you know, the time he killed bin Laden, how cool it
00:35:23.320
was. Right. But what they don't understand is, is Rob shot bin Laden, threw his gun down and go
00:35:29.440
straight over it and grabs bin Laden's kids. That's what Rob remembers. You know what I mean?
00:35:36.460
And like, that's the aspect that like people were not reality TV shows. We're not reality TV shows.
00:35:44.700
Like they bring us up and people want this entertainment. Like they use us as, like they
00:35:49.280
want to hear our stories as entertainment, which is, which is, oh, this is great. Right. As long as we
00:35:53.940
can inspire and, and help people, you know, get through whatever they're going through.
00:35:57.720
But on the backside of it, when people sit back and they're like, oh, all you talk about is this.
00:36:01.980
Like I, I did that post about people wearing a body armor. Right. And I remember that the tactical
00:36:08.060
stuff, the internet shook. Oh, they did. They didn't like that at all. Yeah, man. And, and it was like,
00:36:15.440
you know, they took it out of context. It was all true and it hurt their feelings. Um, but you know,
00:36:24.880
they, they just, they all group up and attack because they don't want to look in the mirror.
00:36:28.900
Right. And, and, and so, you know, it's just all these things. Like I understand it, but,
00:36:34.900
Dude, prime example right there. That's a great segue is I, uh, I made a story about what you said
00:36:40.100
and I'm like, Hey, you know, don't don't whatever. Don't say this, blah, blah, blah.
00:36:42.680
And it was on my story. So someone went to, um, one of my posts and said, you just did a story
00:36:48.260
about Dakota. Why can't you put it on your post and defend yourself like a man in the comments? I'm
00:36:52.880
like, what? Defend yourself like a man on Twitter? In the comments. Jesus. But I mean, I get it too.
00:37:01.440
It's like, if, look, if you're, if you're yelling that loud about wearing your body armor at the range
00:37:06.540
and playing, uh, uh, whatever the airsoft, it's like, you kind of know what you're doing. Hey,
00:37:11.240
Hey, I'm all about it. Go train and shit, but let's not, come on.
00:37:14.340
I always, I always laughed about it. Cause they were like, Oh, you know,
00:37:18.320
look at our founding fathers. And I'm like, yeah. And, uh, ever since, uh, ever since we
00:37:23.620
became a country, there's been a military that's, that's protected.
00:37:30.520
They went through the Valley for seven winters, you know, fighting the, uh, the redcoats.
00:37:35.540
You guys can't get up I-95 in a snowstorm, but I'm sure George Washington,
00:37:41.240
All right. You guys just want to hit pause on the conversation. Then we'll get right back to it.
00:37:48.480
Our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council opens again in less than two weeks now.
00:37:53.400
So if you've been sitting on the fence about joining, uh, the window is going to open up
00:37:58.240
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00:38:03.620
now's the time to consider joining us. And if you don't already know the over 1,100 men inside the
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have before. But that's what happens when you band with other like-minded men who stand squarely in
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your corner and hold your feet to the fire as you strive to build out your own life.
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So if you want to be one of the first people to be notified, when we do open up registration,
00:38:35.120
make sure you're signed up at order of man.com slash iron council. Again, that's order of man.com
00:38:41.780
slash iron council. You can do that right after the conversation for now, I'll get back to it with Rob
00:38:47.380
and Dakota. Here's an interesting thought. Cause some of what you said a minute ago, Dakota about,
00:38:53.720
uh, you know, I, I pray for the day or wait for the day where, you know, I can just leave people
00:38:58.020
leave me alone and I can go do what I want to do. I feel that too. And I also feel a need probably
00:39:03.220
like you guys do to share my perspectives and share my thoughts and to help influence people
00:39:08.700
positively. So how do you strike that dichotomy between wanting to inspire and serve and also just
00:39:15.400
wanting to be left the hell alone? Well, I mean, the reality is this is look, neither one of us,
00:39:19.660
none of the three of us who are sitting on this podcast right now are ever going to do that because
00:39:25.600
of that aspect of service that we still have in us. Right. So, I mean, at the end of the day,
00:39:30.600
we could all go and probably quit today and find a job and not be known, but we understand the fact
00:39:38.520
of service and still continuing to serve and make a difference. And, and look, yeah, as much as that's
00:39:43.360
what we dream of, I think that all three of us who are sitting here right now will continue to do
00:39:47.540
whatever it takes to contribute to making the world a better place. And that's just the hard
00:39:52.180
reality of it. It's, you know, and that's just because that's what we do. Right. Yeah. And I, one
00:39:58.560
more thing too, just about how the internet is fake. I still go to a lot of ranges and the range
00:40:04.440
dudes are awesome. Guys that know how to use guns are great too. And it's never that argument ever at
00:40:09.020
the range because it's all about, Hey, I got this tape here. Let's try that. What do you know about
00:40:12.240
this? And obviously take the cool guy picture with the guns and all that shit. The mad range guys are
00:40:17.120
never at the range, like trying to get better. They're just the internet guys that get pissed
00:40:20.540
off. It's just the real world. The whole point to going back to it of this book, the way forward
00:40:25.560
is, I mean, we're all, we're all pretty much the same. Like we all came from somewhere. That's it.
00:40:30.600
So not that hard. Yeah. I don't, I don't find, well, in fact, I haven't found anybody who's openly
00:40:36.640
criticized privately. Sure. Because they care about me, but openly criticized me or, or picked apart
00:40:46.020
what I'm doing, who's actually succeeding more than I am in that particular subject.
00:40:50.280
You'll never find that. Hey, you know why? People, people who are more successful than
00:40:54.480
you, they're not paying attention to you. They don't care. Well, and if they are, they want to
00:40:58.380
help actually. So like, I, like I know people, Andy for still is somebody who comes to mind for me.
00:41:04.180
And I know you guys know Andy, he's way more successful than I am. And yet I don't, I mean,
00:41:10.600
I wouldn't say he's paying attention necessarily, but he's going to message me and say, Hey bro,
00:41:15.160
here's where you're wrong on that thing. But he's not going to blast me publicly. He's going to say,
00:41:19.460
Hey, here's why, here's what you're doing. Here's what I think. And so that's somebody who
00:41:23.980
is leading from the top down. Yeah. And, and then you just, to be fair, you know,
00:41:30.040
Andy's successful, uh, more successful than a lot of people. Yeah, for sure. Right. For sure.
00:41:35.680
Like you just lump me into the category that he's more successful than when I joke about my friends
00:41:40.400
on their private jet. He's not joking. Like that's legit. That's right. Yeah. That's not one
00:41:45.280
of those Instagram fake studios of the jet. He's not the guy telling, telling the girl he met on
00:41:50.640
Tinder. Like, Hey, you know, I forgot my credit card from a little light on this dinner.
00:41:54.700
Right. Right. Uh, one of the other things you guys talk about as a theme in the book is lasting legacy.
00:42:01.320
So I'm very curious to hear if you had to define what your personal legacy would be or want it to
00:42:07.860
be Dakota, why don't you lead off? What, what would you want that to be? Uh, you know, I just,
00:42:13.540
when I die, I just want people to, um, to just, well, I mean, first off I want, I want to have left
00:42:22.280
my daughter's understanding what a man looks like, you know, what, how a man acts, how a man treats women,
00:42:28.040
how, how a man, um, how a man holds himself and carries himself every single day. Right. So
00:42:34.480
that that's number one, um, outside that, you know, then it goes to my circle, right. My circle
00:42:39.700
of friends, you know, I want to make sure that every single day that, you know, and, and backside
00:42:44.320
of it on my kids, you know, I make sure that they understand what a man looks like and that they know
00:42:48.980
that they're loved. Right. Uh, and that they know that they're enough and that they matter. And then I
00:42:52.920
want my friends to be the same way. I want my circle of friends to understand that, that, you
00:42:58.000
know, that they matter, that, that, that I love them and that, that, you know, I appreciated them
00:43:04.120
for everything that they've done for me and to help me get to where I'm at. And then, you know,
00:43:08.860
to the world, like, I just want people to know that look right or wrong, whether you like me or I
00:43:13.240
didn't, um, there's no question what my intent was, right. Whether, whether I went about it the right
00:43:18.560
way, whether, you know, look, there's no chance that anybody will ever look at and refer the name
00:43:25.320
Dakota Meyer, uh, in the same sentence as, uh, his delivery was right on, right. It's not going to
00:43:32.100
happen. Um, but, but I don't think that they can question my intent and what the intent was behind
00:43:37.640
it. And the intent is to make the world a better place. And you do that by caring about each other.
00:43:42.720
And you do that by getting up every day and leaving it all on the table. And that's,
00:43:47.120
that's what I hope to leave as a legacy that, you know, at the end of the day,
00:43:50.620
you can critique, whatever, say, whatever, question, whatever, but you can't question
00:43:55.780
what my intent was. And that's to, to, to make the world a better place.
00:44:00.220
I'm really glad that you brought up the, the intent and the delivery, because that that's
00:44:05.300
one of the things I personally struggle with is I've got these ideas and these concepts and they're
00:44:10.120
not always popular and I share them, but I kind of just word vomit at times. And I end up leaving a
00:44:15.640
wake of collateral damage in my path because I don't think about, you know, how that might come
00:44:20.600
across or how somebody might receive it. So trying to find that balance or, or the, or the harmony
00:44:27.560
between my intention and the way I deliver it has constantly proved to be a struggle for me.
00:44:35.140
Yeah. And, you know, and the, and the thing is, and it's such a fine line because
00:44:39.660
if you think about how you deliver it, because you're worried about what everyone else is going
00:44:44.720
to say, then you're not going to be able to get your message across as, you know, like it almost
00:44:51.100
takes away like your creativeness to your message. Right. And so it's just a, it's such a fine line.
00:44:57.400
And how cool would it be if we lived in a world to where people said, instead of saying, Hey,
00:45:02.920
you know, you're messed up because you said this, if they said, Hey, when you said this,
00:45:07.880
this is how it made, it came off to me. And you'd be like, Oh, well now I need to do is tweak it about
00:45:13.700
5% right here to where that makes sense. I can see that to where maybe I add a couple of words in
00:45:20.800
there or take one out and get it there. Right. But instead it's like, Nope, right off the bat,
00:45:26.100
if it doesn't strike me the right way, you're done.
00:45:28.380
Right. Yeah. There's a lot of grace that needs to be afforded on everybody's end. I'm saying the
00:45:34.600
people who are listening, I'm saying you guys, and I'm sure as heck saying me, the ability to
00:45:39.520
afford more grace and nuance. And again, that goes back to the social media thing. There's not a lot
00:45:43.860
of nuance in, you know, the 40 characters you post on Twitter, but if you stop and think about it,
00:45:49.400
or you're fortunate enough to be able to have conversations like this, you start to realize
00:45:53.820
there's a lot more weight behind the words that are being used. Rob, how about you on the, uh,
00:46:00.040
the legacy question? I'm with, I'm with Dakota on the kids. I actually got to hang out with Dakota's
00:46:04.480
kids yesterday and they were absolutely hilarious. That's, I mean, just, I mean, you know, very
00:46:09.360
respectful of the point, but they're still young girls and just funny watching them run around that
00:46:12.960
house. I have daughters myself. And, uh, I mean, as far as a legacy, all I really care about is like
00:46:17.820
Dakota said, they, they, they know how to be adults, how to treat each other. Um, uh, the social media
00:46:22.780
stuff's not real. They're pretty good about that. I could use a little less tick tock for them,
00:46:26.120
but you know, I want to make sure they're taking care of whatever I, whatever I'm able to make.
00:46:29.420
I want to make sure that they have an opportunity to be taken care of. I don't want to give them
00:46:32.260
handouts or anything like that. Uh, and I would say, I want, I want, um, my wife, Jessica, Jessica
00:46:37.740
is actually Dakota's best friend. He knows this. I would say I want Jessica to be taken care of,
00:46:41.560
but the second I die, she's jumping in that coffin with me. So she's going down with me,
00:46:45.520
but she and her family. And I liked it. She's got a great family, a small family. And I just,
00:46:50.640
I want to make sure anything that I can provide, be it, uh, um, everything from,
00:46:54.840
from advice or monetarily order real estate that they can, they have something I offer them. And,
00:46:59.300
and that's it. I, you know, as far as the other shit, I don't, whatever. I don't, I don't need
00:47:02.520
people to think of me one way or the other. Just think that, uh, just know that, uh, if, uh, when I
00:47:08.500
do go to heaven, I mean, I'm going to be up there drinking with Jesus. I'm either going to haunt you
00:47:12.160
or I'm going to make you laugh. It's up to you. We're doing one. I'll, I'll take a laugh.
00:47:16.540
Let's be honest about this. We all know this. No, I, I can appreciate, I've, I've thought about
00:47:22.920
it in the past. If, uh, it's, it's morbid obviously, but I think it's important to consider,
00:47:27.120
you know, when I die, there's probably like 10 people who really be impacted for any significant
00:47:33.120
amount of time. There might be thousands who are like, Oh shit, Ryan died. Okay. And then they're
00:47:37.200
onto whatever else they're doing. So there's only 10 that matter. How messed up is that? And like,
00:47:41.580
like everyone we've talked about, everyone's important to someone, even our enemies. I know damn well,
00:47:46.180
uh, say I dropped it right now on Twitter. Oh, anti-masker O'Neill's dead. Ha ha ha. It's
00:47:51.880
like, what the fuck was that? Or this podcast would blow up every, Oh, look, Rob died on Ryan's
00:47:56.540
podcast. Look at this. And it would go viral. Right. If I die on your podcast, you better get
00:48:00.880
at least a million more views. Oh, you know, I'm going to use that thing, man. You know, I am
00:48:05.400
you die. If you die on this podcast, I'm going to jump in my car. I'm going to drive down to where
00:48:11.520
you're at right now. I'm going to throw you in the back of my truck and I'm going to drive you around
00:48:15.260
town, take you to a taxidermy. Can you imagine? That's a good idea for a joint. Taxidermy. Is
00:48:20.100
that what you said? Give me stuff to put me in the house. Dude, can you imagine having a joint,
00:48:25.520
like, for example, a podcast with three of us called if you die on this podcast?
00:48:32.260
Yeah. Oh man. Let's stay on the same thread, but shift, shift the tone of the conversation a
00:48:39.400
little bit with, with the morbidity and death. You know, Dakota, you've been, you've been very open.
00:48:44.120
In fact, when you were on my podcast years ago, probably at this point, uh, you know,
00:48:48.720
you talked about your, your, uh, struggles with depression and even suicide. Rob, is that something
00:48:55.740
that you've personally dealt with? Uh, the darkness, even suicidal attempts and, and how
00:49:00.960
that'll play out. There's no suicidal attempts. Cause I believe I'm well-trained enough as a special
00:49:06.220
operator. If I want to kill myself, I could just do it. Uh, I've never understood suicide. Hey,
00:49:11.320
if you, if you find me in a room with my head blown off and a shotgun next to me, I figured it
00:49:15.780
out. But the, um, the, uh, um, yeah, I still question if you took the shot. Yeah.
00:49:24.860
Probably have claims to have killed himself killed himself. Oh, I'm so glad we can laugh about
00:49:32.120
suicide. You guys are amazing. But, um, no, but like when, when we were at the height of our,
00:49:37.560
um, operational status, uh, especially in Iraq in 2007 ish, when we're going out on kill missions
00:49:43.380
every night, trying to win the war, as far as the, the, um, awakening and all, and the surge,
00:49:48.120
it just seemed normal. And it was almost like, it's like the, the herd mentality of, well,
00:49:53.780
we're all doing it. So it's going to be fine. And it's moral. And it didn't bother me at all.
00:49:56.900
It's like, it was almost to the point where I got to kill more guys than my buddy next to me.
00:50:00.100
Cause he got three last night. I need to get more type shit. Um, um, but, but the more you get away
00:50:06.000
from it. And like we were talking about earlier, the realization that this is not normal. Uh, these
00:50:11.840
are real people you're dealing with. You're hurting real families. There's one family that comes to me
00:50:15.780
like when we, we, we mentioned earlier that, uh, the bad guys don't even know that the bad guys,
00:50:19.640
we, I remember going into the wrong house in Iraq at night. Um, they had a beautiful house,
00:50:25.220
white carpet. I'm covered in mud, putting it all over the place. The only people that came out
00:50:30.080
were a woman and her daughter and I'm standing at wrong house. And I thought to myself,
00:50:34.420
I understand why they hate us. Of course. Why wouldn't they? So, but so the further you get
00:50:40.840
away from it, um, yeah, there's the depression comes in because, um, it's, it's not just, it's
00:50:45.420
not just the people you killed. It's the buddies you lost. It's the, it's the debacle, the way we
00:50:49.420
went out of Afghanistan. It's like, I know, I know, uh, there was 31 Americans on extortion one
00:50:54.200
seven that were shot down on August 6th, 2011. They all, there's a bunch of dads that are no
00:50:59.800
longer going home. Why, why again, um, you think about Iraq friends that had stepped on bombs and
00:51:05.960
died. And, and, uh, and you start to think, well, basically George Bush invaded Iraq because
00:51:12.340
he was mad that Saddam Hussein tried to kill his dad. So let's just go kill a couple hundred thousand
00:51:15.640
people. But, and now I'm to the point, it's like Iraq, huh? What was that all about?
00:51:19.000
So, and do you think that was the real motive with, with going back to Iraq?
00:51:23.280
It had a lot to do with it because about two weeks after the towers fell, the Pentagon was
00:51:28.240
already drawing up plans to invade Iraq, which we know damn well had not only did it have
00:51:31.980
nothing to do with 9-11, had nothing to do with anything other than oil, other than oil.
00:51:36.160
And I think you can't get off Dick Cheney either who had, who made more money off these wars
00:51:40.900
than anybody we know, right? Like, look, you want, you want to know why these wars are driven
00:51:47.720
Raytheon? I mean, yeah. Oh yeah. Lockheed. Yeah. Look at it. And if you think that that's
00:51:53.880
not real. Oh yeah. No, that's totally real. Look at Ukraine right now. Name one interest
00:51:59.000
we have in Ukraine, none, but, but even, even with the other stuff, I mean, I'll even trying
00:52:03.400
to keep the sense of humor light because like either side will say, well, uh, Clinton is
00:52:07.760
a draft dodger. Well, Trump's a draft dodger. I'm like, Hey, let's all be honest. So George
00:52:11.480
Bush during the Vietnam war, he did a hell of a job keeping the VC out of Texas.
00:52:14.940
Yeah. But yeah, I mean, so the stuff like that, where I think a lot of veterans, I, myself
00:52:21.640
included, I start to question what the fuck was I doing forever? And then, and I can, and
00:52:26.120
especially with a lot of veterans, because the VA sucks so bad, you can't get the good
00:52:29.380
treatment. You need the psychedelic treatment you need. I go to the liquor store and that's
00:52:33.120
my darkest times, man, because it's, I'll just self-medicate and you think you're going
00:52:36.460
to be fine. And it just, and I, again, I haven't thought suicide, but it's, it has made
00:52:41.360
sense before. And I know a lot of vets are there. A lot of vets actually, and that's,
00:52:45.320
and it's bad. It's, it's, it's, it's bad. And they need to, they should get the treatment
00:52:49.080
that they deserve. Um, and they shouldn't be wasting money on a lot. Like there are veterans
00:52:53.080
that have PTSD. Aladdin, you don't even need to be a veteran to have PTSD. That's something
00:52:57.100
else. Of course. Um, and again, back down to the normality of being a human being. What
00:53:03.180
I tell people is if you're having a bad day, call someone now, get out of bed, call someone.
00:53:07.600
But if you're having a good day, get out of bed and call someone, they might be having
00:53:11.500
a bad day, but yeah, but yes, uh, the PTSD is very real. And I didn't want to admit it
00:53:15.800
until a couple of years ago. It's there, it's real. And it's, it's a, it's a daily thing.
00:53:20.560
Well, the PTSD thing is hard for me. Not that I don't believe that that's a real issue that
00:53:25.180
millions of people are dealing with. I think it's being exploited. And that's what I get frustrated
00:53:30.700
with. I get frustrated with people who are making themselves into victims and trying to get
00:53:36.780
attention. And then it does a disservice to people actually need help.
00:53:41.360
Yeah, no, that's what I was trying to say too, with the, the, the, some of the programs
00:53:44.840
and whatnot. Here's a prime example. I fly a lot, which means I get to see people in their
00:53:49.480
natural environment, which is transit. I don't know what there's more of in an airport, fake
00:53:54.460
people in that aren't disabled, just fat and wheelchairs or fake service animals.
00:53:59.240
Yeah. I mean, I mean, let's, let's be honest, right? Like this is here we go to the polarizing,
00:54:05.760
right? I mean, but I think it's not just PTSD. I think it's veterans in general, right? Like
00:54:12.080
we were told that we're greater than everybody else from day one for serving that we're all
00:54:16.240
heroes that, that, I mean, we were literally told that we're better, that the nation owes
00:54:21.580
us, you know, you serve this country, you've done enough. Right. I mean, I mean, literally
00:54:27.300
like these have been put in our head since day one. Oh, thank you for your service. You're
00:54:31.700
a hero. I mean, all of these words have just been thrown out there. And, and at the end
00:54:36.780
of the day, like the heroes, they're the ones that didn't come home. Yeah. That's the only
00:54:41.880
heroes that, that, that wore the nation's cloth. We got to do that. Do you understand? We
00:54:47.560
had the privilege to put on the nation's cloth to go serve in the most powerful military
00:54:53.020
on the United States of America provide us that opportunity. And now these, these, these
00:54:58.600
veterans get out and they look around the world and they blame the world for, for our
00:55:03.180
problems. Right. Like, like, Oh, you know, you know, I, I got, I seen a bunch of bad shit.
00:55:08.620
Well, okay. Check it out. So did I. And look, the biggest problem for me was fixing my circle
00:55:15.180
when I was surrounded by a bunch of people feeling sorry for themselves who were wearing,
00:55:19.860
you know, this PTSD hat or, you know, a hundred percent disabled PTSD hat with their dog. And I
00:55:27.900
it became literally their entire identity. And, um, they had no reason. And so then what
00:55:33.580
they did is, is they become drunk assholes and then they blamed PTSD for their problem.
00:55:38.480
And it's like their catch all problem for being an asshole. And it's like, no, PTSD didn't
00:55:44.760
make you an asshole. You're just an asshole and you have PTSD and you need to fix it. Right.
00:55:50.260
That's very true. Yeah. And that's, but that's the problem is, is, is, is, but, but with that,
00:55:56.940
the, I think, I think we as veterans, we have, we have a lot of skin in the game of why that's
00:56:03.140
happening. And it's because we're not calling people out. It's because we're not policing
00:56:07.480
our own. We're not holding people accountable for like, I got you. You got PTSD. What are you
00:56:13.220
doing to get better about it? And, uh, you need to stop. Here's the accountability factors,
00:56:18.200
but instead it's like, no, let's, let's go do this retreat. And, and I see these guys,
00:56:22.760
I'll never forget back in the day. I used to go do these, these, um, uh, these therapy sessions
00:56:29.220
or whatever you call it, right? Like where they take you fishing or you go on these hunts and
00:56:33.000
all this shit. And they're like, you know, I just feel great here. And then, you know,
00:56:36.840
it's like, I got to go back home and I feel like shit. Well, that's life. Yeah. It's because
00:56:40.480
this is a vacation and that's called life. Yeah. Good point. Good point. Do you have PTSD or do you have,
00:56:46.720
uh, L I F E right? And it's like, it's like, you know, but nobody wants to call them to the table.
00:56:53.040
True. Yeah. That's a great point. PTSD is real, but stop blaming everything on PTSD. Yeah. Oh,
00:56:59.380
I can't get a job. Cause I got PTSD. Well, yeah, you can't walk into an employer and tell them that
00:57:04.100
they can't have dark lights and that you need to bring your dog and you've got five VA appointments
00:57:09.300
a day and expect them to pay you full time and accommodate the loud noise that you're crazy.
00:57:15.960
Two people that really bother me is the middle-aged man who has a mask that says,
00:57:20.460
if you can read this, you're standing too close. And the veteran outside on 4th of July says
00:57:25.280
4th of July, watch out for fireworks. Fuck you. Enjoy the fire. Shut up.
00:57:29.520
But these are the same guys like Ryan, like these are the same guys. Like they hated the military when
00:57:34.800
they were in, they were shitbags when they were in. And then they got out, they got the jacked up F two
00:57:40.140
50. They put all their combat ribbon stickers on their back windshield. They grew a beard and they
00:57:46.160
walk around with a t-shirt that says dysfunctional veteran with their, with their hat on and their
00:57:50.860
dog. And then they want to talk about, you know, going to the, to the bar and talking about kicking
00:57:55.680
indoors and shooting people in the face. And it's like, well, if you, if you loved it so much,
00:58:00.960
it's that's what fucked up your life supposedly. So I don't understand like how this makes sense.
00:58:06.660
Right. Well, I think, yes, a hundred percent. You guys are saying it way better than I could,
00:58:13.120
but I just think it comes down to attention a lot of the times. And there's an economy that we live
00:58:18.880
in right now that is based on attention and social media followers and that little blue check
00:58:26.940
on your Instagram or Twitter account. And if you have that, then well, and the other thing too,
00:58:32.560
is that if you're a victim, whether you are or not, then you're going to get whatever, whatever it is
00:58:39.280
you want. I think that's the simple thing right there is, are you a victim? That's brilliant. That's
00:58:45.040
the whole thing. It all boils down to the victim. And the reason I say this, Ryan, like I say this,
00:58:50.740
I'm like, I want to follow up before the, before I get it, just a meltdown city. Right. Um,
00:58:57.920
the reason I say this and I say it so passionately is cause that was me, you know, that was me and all
00:59:05.340
those people who, Oh, you know, Dakota, from what you've seen, you know, it's okay. No, it wasn't okay.
00:59:13.220
Me drinking. It was bullshit that you were part of that. It was bullshit. You let me act like that.
00:59:20.520
It was bullshit that you, you let me waste seven or eight years of my life being the victim,
00:59:27.280
because I thought this was normal because you said it was okay. And it's like, no, it was,
00:59:33.780
it's insane. And, and, and it was like, it just like, you know, until I had my daughter,
00:59:39.720
you know, I mean, I was, I mean, that was me. That was me walking around. I guess I'm so embarrassed
00:59:46.940
to say it, but it, it was me. And, um, and I'm just glad that, that, you know, I got around people
00:59:54.500
who I changed from being around people who wanted to, um, feed that to people who wanted to hold me
01:00:02.960
accountable. And that's just accountability is a big one too. I'll never forget. I walked into
01:00:06.740
Marcus Latrell's house, walked into Marcus Latrell's house. And I write, I think it's in the book.
01:00:11.420
And, um, man, I was down, I was down. I was just feeling sorry for myself. And I called,
01:00:17.880
I called him and Marcus said, Hey, check it out. Here's my address. I'll see you in three hours.
01:00:23.700
I'm like, okay. He's like, just get here, just get, get here, get to the house. And he's like,
01:00:29.500
we'll figure it out. And, you know, I expected to get there and it'd be like, you know, a whole
01:00:35.220
woe is me session. Right. Like, you know, like, just like it typically would be. And man,
01:00:41.560
I'll never forget. I pulled in there. Marcus was standing behind his couch in his living room,
01:00:47.460
looked over at me, walked over, gave me a hug. I mean, Marcus is just a giant anyways.
01:00:53.680
Gave me a hug. And he looked at me and goes, the hell's wrong with you? He said, I mean,
01:01:00.080
literally I was in the middle of my divorce on teen mom. Like the world was crashing on me.
01:01:05.540
No doubt. And, um, and he's like, what the hell's wrong with you? He's like, he's like,
01:01:11.020
look, you've been through way harder. He's like, we get to wake up and live this life.
01:01:15.420
We get to walk around and, and be part of this. Like we got each other and with each other,
01:01:20.280
we can get through anything. Like you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. And I mean,
01:01:24.260
it was literally that direct of a conversation. And, uh, and it was,
01:01:30.060
it was one of the moments in my life that just the changed how I approach these things.
01:01:36.800
Now, do I still wake up with anxiety? Do I still, do I still have bad days? I do.
01:01:43.000
But like Rob's always told me, are you having a bad life or a bad day, a bad hour or a bad moment?
01:01:48.960
Right. And, and, and, you know, those are the things that have got me, have done way more for
01:01:55.120
me than, than going in these groups of feeling sorry for myself. Well, disengaging versus actually
01:02:01.340
dealing with the real issues. For sure. What's, uh, what's your guys' take on, you know, we see a lot
01:02:08.880
of, um, military members running for political office. I'd be really curious about your guys' take
01:02:14.840
on that. I think that's, uh, I think that's really good because regardless of the side of
01:02:19.760
the aisle, they're going to put, they're not going to put, most veterans aren't going to put
01:02:23.660
party politics first. You, you see that right now with Tulsi Gabbard, the Democrat, but she's going
01:02:28.140
to speak at CPAC. Like, uh, uh, the veterans, I, for the most part, I think we'll get in a room and
01:02:34.940
talk to each other. Kind of like we're talking to each other. We can work it out. Okay. Maybe you're
01:02:39.060
wrong. Maybe I'm wrong somewhere in the middle. We're going to find this. And most veterans really do
01:02:43.840
have the country first. And I think, I think having vets in there is great because, um, you know,
01:02:48.380
even the, I think you learn a lot in the military that you don't learn in the civilian side. There's
01:02:52.240
that there's, uh, there's something good about it. Like, uh, being in, being a veteran, especially
01:02:57.560
deploying overseas, especially being a combat veteran. Cause we all know there's, there's a
01:03:00.820
difference between a vet and a combat vet. Um, uh, I think it's a good thing. I really do. Um,
01:03:07.080
it's a lot better than these people that wear their suits and call themselves war hawks. Cause
01:03:10.740
they're, I mean, they're, they're the lowest of low these lobbyists that get, they get the big,
01:03:14.900
they get the big contract because of their buddy, because they, they fund their campaign. I'm not,
01:03:19.120
the veterans don't do that. I mean, you go to Washington long enough. Um, you're, as you're
01:03:23.780
seeing the swamp has fangs and you're going to be a part of it. And it's like the, uh, even right now,
01:03:28.480
we're the only country in the world that lives on a four year cycle. That's kind of how we roll.
01:03:32.740
Um, so the way I feel about it is, um, the problem in Washington is not the person in the
01:03:38.680
white house for four or eight years. It's the person in the Capitol for 50 years. Um, so getting
01:03:42.860
more veterans in there, it's like the whole, I know I don't want to get all political cause we're
01:03:46.060
coming up on time here, but like term limits is never going to happen. If we keep these same people
01:03:50.060
in there, like Nancy Pelosi is running for her 19th term because we got to make some change in
01:03:56.020
Washington. The fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's good too,
01:04:02.040
because you know, if you're, I mean, these are the people that are sending our sons and daughters to war
01:04:06.460
not there. So like, I, I want you to know, I want to know that you understand the stakes
01:04:11.800
of what's going down here. Couldn't care less. Dakota, what do you think?
01:04:15.400
But you can't, and I got that right. Like I would love to see more veterans serving at Congress,
01:04:19.960
but, um, you know, at the end of the day, like veterans were never, they never screened veterans
01:04:25.200
for morals, right? Like they never screened veterans. That's true. Yeah. So again, like,
01:04:31.140
I think that that title holds so much weight inside the United States that, I mean,
01:04:35.900
like I've seen some veterans that I thought were friends that got up there and have literally
01:04:39.320
just, just have to have like, have gone off the deep end. And, um, I mean, look,
01:04:45.180
I think a perfect example is, is a man who, who wrote on his veteran status, uh, for a long time,
01:04:51.780
uh, was John McCain. Right. And, and, and, you know, it's like, I, I told him, and I'll say this
01:04:56.660
guy told it straight to his face. You know, he, he stopped, he stopped serving his country as soon
01:05:00.940
as he got out of the military. And, um, you know, you look at you, I just don't think that
01:05:06.480
I understand that veteran and serving your country is something that is a huge title and has a lot of
01:05:12.420
weight, but I just think on the backside of it, um, you know, just like being a medal of honor
01:05:16.560
recipient, just cause you got the medal of honor, they didn't do any character screening or moral
01:05:20.800
screening, right? Like all they did was go off the actions that happened that day. It doesn't
01:05:25.200
mean I'm a good person. It doesn't mean that I should have any credibility in any space other than,
01:05:29.280
you know, that, that I was good for one day. Um, and so I just think that like,
01:05:34.700
yeah, I think we need more veterans up there because of the perspective that they have. But
01:05:37.920
I think that what's more important to that is that we need good people up there.
01:05:41.720
I'm still going to rely back on it. I'd rather, I'd rather have a veteran than a lawyer.
01:05:45.920
Well, but again, I said good people. Oh, fair enough. Jeez.
01:05:51.500
Well, look, it's, I think you're right. I think that's, I think that's a valid point is that
01:05:56.180
it's something that's on the resume, but it's not the only thing that's on the resume. We need to
01:06:01.840
look at what else is going on. Yeah, for sure. Hey, as we close this out, guys, what, what, uh,
01:06:09.020
what message do you want to share at the bottom line at the root of all of it from, um, the way
01:06:13.340
forward the book and just your, your message and what you want to put out there, uh, in general?
01:06:18.080
Uh, just in general, like we've sort of said a few times that, um, most of us are the same
01:06:24.260
and you don't need to be putting people on a pedestal just because there's somebody else
01:06:27.320
just like, just because somebody shot a famous guy or someone can dunk a basketball or, or
01:06:32.620
someone can run a four to 40. I mean, well, the four to 40, he's probably better than you,
01:06:36.640
but, uh, um, like the, okay, those are the one percenters, but, um, most people like, uh,
01:06:43.240
even with a Navy seal is one of the common things is they say, well, you don't look like a Navy
01:06:47.080
seal. And it's like, well, what does the Navy seal look like? Uh, these are normal dudes.
01:06:50.480
Most of us there were normal, but we get it, whatever it is, we get it. And also whatever
01:06:54.780
it is, we can get over it. Like if you hold a grudge forever, you're not going to be very
01:06:58.480
successful in life. If you learn from something, get over it. That's it. I mean, but normal people
01:07:03.160
following good advice, um, be nice. You can do whatever you want. That's pretty much the premise
01:07:08.940
of the book. And then a lot of humor too. I mean, it it's, I know we're selling the book. It is
01:07:13.700
worth picking up the way forward to read the chapter where I go hunting with my
01:07:16.880
brother. Who's more of a, I don't know, weed smoker than a hunter. Great story.
01:07:22.040
All right. We'll make sure we get to the guys so they can check out that story exclusively.
01:07:28.380
Yeah. I mean, I would just say, look, like the way forward is, is it's not, it's not just
01:07:33.580
a book title. It's not just a, I mean, it's literally the way of life, right? The way forward
01:07:38.280
you talk about me, Ryan, you know, about jujitsu, right? Like what is the most vulnerable
01:07:41.920
place on you? You're back. Yeah. Right. Sure. So like, like maintaining a way forward,
01:07:47.880
understanding there's a way forward, um, keeping your shoulders facing forward, quit, quit, quit
01:07:52.920
looking in the rear view mirror. You know, you look in your car, you drive a car, people
01:07:56.160
drive cars every day. Your windshield is so much bigger than your rear view mirror. Imagine
01:08:00.940
trying to drive your car and only looking at your rear view mirror. What's going to happen.
01:08:04.140
You're going to crash. Right. So, I mean, you know, look, look, wake up every single day
01:08:08.360
and, and, and, and give your best and do two things, do something every single day to make
01:08:13.200
yourself better and do something to make everybody, everyone around you better, just a little
01:08:16.880
bit better every day, you know, and, um, stop worrying about, stop worrying about the things
01:08:22.440
that don't matter. Uh, I think, you know, one of the things I talk about a lot is, is flying
01:08:26.600
a helicopter, you know, so flying a helicopter, you've got so many things to do. And, uh, what we
01:08:31.420
do is we have to, to, to just focus on what matters at that time. And I focus on three
01:08:36.600
gauges. That's my altitude. That's my airspeed, my power. As long as I have those three things,
01:08:41.820
I've got time to figure out whatever else is thrown at me. And, and that, that's the
01:08:46.240
way we're at in life, right? Is, is if you do good, if you do the next right thing, um,
01:08:51.680
then, then, then everything's going to always work out. And there is always a way forward.
01:08:56.380
Dakota, if you said that so well, I'm going to go try to find a copy of this book.
01:09:01.420
I was really good. Pick up a copy of this book, man. This is good guys. I appreciate you both.
01:09:06.780
I appreciate all you do and always your willingness, even maybe in slight disagreement,
01:09:11.020
um, to speak what's on your mind, to put it out there because the more people that are doing that
01:09:16.400
and the more conversations we're having like this, the better off we are. So guys pick up a copy of
01:09:20.920
the book, the way forward, connect with these guys. Appreciate you both. Thanks for joining me today.
01:09:25.700
Thank you. Seriously. Appreciate it, man. Thank you. Thank you.
01:09:29.200
All right, gentlemen, there you go. I hope you enjoyed that conversation. I know I did. It was
01:09:35.420
good to be able to sit down with both of these guys, true American heroes. Although both of them
01:09:39.560
say that they're not, I, I, I tend to disagree on that point. Uh, regardless, great to have them
01:09:45.220
on the podcast, talking about some very important issues that I think a lot of men are dealing with.
01:09:51.020
And as they said, you don't need to be a veteran or a warrior, uh, or have experience in battle to
01:09:59.600
learn the lessons they've learned to apply those lessons in your life to varying degrees, and then
01:10:05.420
to see the results that will inevitably come from it. So as a parting, make sure that you are signed up
01:10:13.500
to be notified about the iron council. Uh, also pick up a copy of Rob and Dakota's book.
01:10:19.360
The way forward comes out today as of the release of this podcast. And outside of that,
01:10:24.420
biggest thing, most important thing is take everything that we're talking about and everything
01:10:29.520
we have been talking about for the past seven years and apply it in your lives. Connect with
01:10:35.140
me on the socials, connect with Rob, connect with Dakota, take a screenshot, share this with the people
01:10:39.640
who need to hear it or who would enjoy hearing it. And you have your marching orders guys. We'll be
01:10:44.360
back tomorrow for our ask me anything until then go out there, take action and become the man you are
01:10:50.380
meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your
01:10:55.220
life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.