Order of Man - Ruthlessly Work Towards Goals

00:00:00.000 the conversations I have in prayer with God are no longer, hey, help me have this thing.

00:00:05.600 Like, give me this relationship. Give me this business. Give me this money. Give me this

00:00:09.880 notoriety. Give me, give me, give me, give me, give me. It's all about me. Those aren't the

00:00:13.880 conversations I'm having anymore. The conversations I'm having now as a 44-year-old man are,

00:00:19.420 God, this is what I think I want. This is what I'm working towards.

00:00:26.020 I would like to have these things, but what do you think?

00:00:30.760 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your

00:00:35.960 own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You are not easily

00:00:41.940 deterred or defeated. Rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is

00:00:49.240 who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself

00:00:54.640 a man.

00:00:57.600 Sean, what's up, man? So good to see you. Normally, when you and I connect, we're doing

00:01:01.480 something fun. Like, we're in person hunting, killing animals, harvesting deer. I don't know,

00:01:08.400 hanging out with the families. We're not doing this thing virtually, but it is good to see you.

00:01:12.540 You as well. It's been a little while since the two of us have done one. Kip and I have done a bunch.

00:01:17.720 Yeah, that's because I'm the slacker and Kip's the responsible one, but he's being the irresponsible

00:01:24.520 one right now, and I'm being the responsible version of the relationship. So, you know,

00:01:32.700 sometimes we fill in for each other and that works, and I'm glad to have you as a standby

00:01:35.860 when needed.

00:01:37.220 Or maybe you're the one who's a little more balanced. Who knows?

00:01:41.160 Yeah, maybe. I mean, that's a good question. That's actually an interesting thought. I do

00:01:47.540 try to be balanced. I know you do, too. Like, you're super successful. I've been successful

00:01:52.460 in my own right, but the older I get, and maybe it just comes with age and wisdom where things

00:01:59.000 change, the dynamic changes, the things that we're interested in, the priorities shift a little

00:02:06.100 bit. So I think that's where I'm at in my life.

00:02:08.020 Yeah, that's good. Ask me. That's a great thing.

00:02:14.960 Well, let's get into some questions today. I know we have one more from the Iron Council. I know we've

00:02:20.460 got a bunch from Facebook. So let's get into some questions today.

00:02:25.280 Yes, sir. First one is from Kevin Nickel. How would you evaluate your current emotional intelligence

00:02:32.440 and what strategies do you use to be stronger in this arena?

00:02:38.020 Well, it's a little bit, I mean, everything is subjective, right? So to measure your emotional

00:02:46.000 intelligence doesn't mean that it's objectively accurate or true. And that's a little bit

00:02:51.780 challenging when it comes to these hard to define and quantify metrics. How do you be a better dad?

00:02:58.640 What does that mean? How do you know if you're a better father? What in the world does that mean?

00:03:02.980 How do you know if you're improving on a daily basis just because of the way you feel? We don't know

00:03:06.700 what that means. So the first thing that a man needs to do when it comes to these subjective

00:03:11.120 questions is start to quantify what does that actually mean. So when Kevin says, how do I measure

00:03:16.360 my emotional intelligence? To me, a couple of things off the cuff that come to mind is my,

00:03:25.340 gosh, what's the best way to say it? My escalation rate is maybe the best way to say it. So if I get

00:03:34.740 bad news from somebody I care about, whether it's my kids, a significant other, a business partner,

00:03:41.220 a client, what is the rate at which I escalate my frustration and contention, animosity and desire

00:03:48.900 just to stand my ground and fight back? So escalation rate is one of them for me. My level

00:03:55.640 of patience, probably even if we would gotten to the micro, it would be my, the volume of my voice,

00:04:03.000 the tone in which I'm expressing my opinion and feedback. Those are all metrics that I've used to

00:04:10.600 evaluate whether or not I'm in control of my emotions or if they're in control of me. So if I

00:04:17.420 had to rate myself off the cuff, I'd probably say maybe a six or a seven on some of those scales.

00:04:26.440 And you guys can measure whatever it is that is relevant for you. But I do think that having an

00:04:32.060 objective number is important because then we can look and say, okay, I'm a six. How do I get to a seven?

00:04:37.980 Maybe that's more patience, less distraction, less yelling, less arguing, less frustration,

00:04:44.640 less blood boiling, whatever it is you're measuring, you can look at it. For me, so Kevin, the second part

00:04:53.120 of Kevin's question was, what am I doing to ensure that I'm improving in emotional regulation? I would

00:05:01.800 say number one is not getting overwhelmed. That is my number one answer. If I'm pressed for time,

00:05:09.880 if I'm, I have too many tasks, if I have too many people pulling and tugging on me, I know that I'm

00:05:17.360 going to be less patient. My volume when I react to people, respond to people is going to increase.

00:05:23.540 The pace at which I talk is going to quicken. Like I already know what this looks like.

00:05:29.000 So the biggest thing for me is saying no to the wrong things and saying yes, only to the right

00:05:36.520 things. And then just creating margin when I start to feel myself get agitated and agitated is the

00:05:42.260 right word. I can feel it. You know, my kid says something, maybe a little backtalk and it bothers

00:05:47.900 me, gets under my skin. That's agitation. Um, maybe some idiot says something negative on social media,

00:05:55.480 agitation. Uh, maybe I lose a client agitation. Maybe, um, one of our funnels or our podcast

00:06:05.240 doesn't get uploaded correctly. Agitation. Those aren't bad things that are going to happen. But

00:06:10.700 when I noticed that little bit of agitation is creating margin, taking a step back, going for a

00:06:16.700 walk, having a different conversation, tuning out, doing some exercise to eliminate the agitation.

00:06:23.000 So I'd say patience and agitation are the two metrics for me. And if I can keep a really close

00:06:28.100 eye on that, I usually do a pretty decent job at it. What made you aware of that you think? And if

00:06:37.920 those are the two things, what made you aware to where do you put a strategy in place to change that?

00:06:44.560 Okay. Um, I, I know there's a big push out there not to really consider necessarily what other people

00:06:55.880 are experiencing and just live your life and do you, but that's, that's bull crap to me. Sean,

00:07:01.940 I know this about you because you have a family and, and, and I know your family, you care about how

00:07:06.660 your kids react or respond to the way you're showing up. You definitely care about the way Jamie

00:07:11.600 reacts and responds to the way that you're showing up as a husband. So I don't think it's a matter of

00:07:16.360 should we be aware of how people respond to us? It's just a matter of, are we listening to the

00:07:21.200 right people? So if I get impatient and I get frustrated and agitated in my decibel, in my

00:07:28.120 communication goes up or my tempo in which I talk goes up and my daughter gets scared,

00:07:32.840 it's pretty good feedback. Or if my son's shut down, it's pretty good feedback that I'm not doing

00:07:41.640 the right thing. Or people dig in their heels and want to fight back. That's pretty good feedback that

00:07:47.800 I did not approach that correctly. So I do look at the way that the people I love and care about

00:07:55.560 respond. And also I have people, I had a good friend of mine, a mutual friend, Jay Gerdulo,

00:08:01.600 who reached out to me and said, Hey man, are you okay? I saw you on this call. You seemed

00:08:05.140 bothered or frustrated. So I just wanted to reach out and see if you were okay. His opinion matters

00:08:10.140 to me. It has weight with me. And if he's saying that, then that's a little bit of an indicator that

00:08:18.100 something's off with me and I better be aware because he knows me and he cares about me and he's

00:08:22.420 qualified to have that conversation with me. I love that. Yeah. The reason I ask that is because

00:08:28.560 it's, it's, it's, you have to be on a path for improving yourself to be able to even take that

00:08:35.280 impact to that input. Right. Or to, um, he asked about the strategies that we use and it without

00:08:44.480 first, the willingness to improve at whatever's necessary. Um, then it's kind of, it doesn't matter

00:08:51.700 what you do. Right. And so I think when I saw this question, I thought of what I've done. I've

00:08:58.680 done a combination of things. One is I've taken courses and counseling and, um, I guess you could

00:09:07.640 call it profiling for the way that different personalities operate. And there's a lot of

00:09:13.960 different, uh, systems and things that are used out there. The one that I, I use, I actually,

00:09:21.920 the first one I use is like an old Chinese system called Baza. It's kind of like Feng Shui. Uh,

00:09:27.120 but for personalities, it's a, you know, it's thousands of years old. It's, it's how, um,

00:09:32.860 anciently, um, uh, uh, Chinese Kings used to like pick their court, like used to pick the,

00:09:41.540 the people that they surround themselves with and stuff like that. And, uh, and then now I use a

00:09:47.840 thing called PCM is the biggest thing that we use, um, like in our business and stuff like that. But

00:09:54.380 it's, it's basically just personality profiling. You know, there's, there's five, six major personalities

00:10:00.480 that people have knowing that understanding that, um, and in combination with understanding other

00:10:08.320 people, understanding yourself. And in that understanding, you'll under, you'll know what

00:10:14.400 bothers you and why. And so sometimes there's power in knowing why something bothers you, but there's,

00:10:21.340 I think sometimes there's more power and too many people want to know why without just accepting,

00:10:29.380 maybe that's how I am. And I'm going to do that. So when I do it, how can I still show up for the

00:10:38.200 people around me and not be a jerk? Right? So if yours is, you're talking like overreacting or,

00:10:45.300 or getting hot, the kind of the temperature going up fast instead of saying, how can I stop that from

00:10:52.120 happening? Cause honestly, I don't think you're ever going to stop that from happening. Have you

00:10:56.120 ever had that thought before? Like this, this, maybe this is never going to go away. I bet it's

00:11:02.160 gotten a little better, but it's still not probably ever going to totally go away. Would you agree with

00:11:06.220 that? Yeah, I think I would. I think we all have personalities and some things are going to bother

00:11:11.940 us and they're so ingrained and etched into our DNA that there isn't anything that's going to help

00:11:17.360 us overcome that. It's just a matter of how we respond to it. I have an additional thought on

00:11:21.280 that, but I want to keep hearing what you had to say. So it's that right. Understanding it and then

00:11:28.580 kind of accepting, okay, that's, that's how I am, but not accepting it in a way that, well, people are

00:11:34.080 just going to have to deal with it, accepting it and then doing something about it so that when you

00:11:38.740 feel that way, you can recognize it and now show up a different way. And then the second thing I've,

00:11:46.460 I've done over the years and what I'm using specifically now is the battle plan is that's

00:11:53.140 my strategy is we have our different quadrants. And in those quadrants, I've tended to spend a lot

00:12:01.180 of time on, um, um, how I am emotionally, whether it's as a father, as a husband, as a business owner

00:12:11.040 and leader coach, whatever my role that I'm playing or whatever the important thing in the different

00:12:16.340 quadrants is for me in this quarter, I'm going to work on that. So one of the examples I use a lot is

00:12:23.440 for my kids. Um, one of my quarters was to not yell at them anymore because I grew up in a family that

00:12:31.680 everybody yelled. Actually, it's everybody hit each other. They yell, they, you know, is, is pretty

00:12:37.220 violent in our reactions to our kids. So I was doing that naturally. Did you say hit each other?

00:12:41.820 Is that what you said? Yeah. Yeah. Not in like a, not being beaten, but it's like we got, you know,

00:12:50.160 my grandma used to hit us with those wooden back scratchers, you know, and, and, uh, I got the

00:12:55.280 kind of like the way we were. So yeah, it was like, that's the way we were reprimanded. You know,

00:13:01.560 my mom used her hand, you know, like she spanked, you know, but it was like, it's, I watched my mom

00:13:07.120 and stepdad getting physical altercations as a kid. It's just like, you grew up in that environment.

00:13:11.140 That's how you think parenting is right. You yell, you scream. My dad never yelled at me, screamed at me,

00:13:16.720 touched me once, you know, any of those things, but I didn't live with him. Right. Like,

00:13:20.100 he wasn't around most of the time. So most of the parenting I saw, I acclimated to the way that

00:13:26.320 my mom, my grandma did it. And so that was naturally, that was the way I reacted when my

00:13:31.620 kids did something I thought they weren't supposed to. And I still do. That's never totally gone away.

00:13:36.840 But when I put it in my battle plan and it was in front of me and every day I'm reading it

00:13:41.380 and reminding myself, okay, when they do this, that makes you want to yell at them.

00:13:45.380 You have to stop yourself from yelling and instead engage in a conversation with them.

00:13:49.740 Make it a teaching moment. Start, you know, trying to talk them through the situation. Spend the

00:13:54.780 extra time because one of the things I evaluated was yelling is the easy thing. The hard thing is

00:14:01.500 spending the extra time to talk about why I'm angry, why I'm upset, why I think they shouldn't

00:14:07.560 be doing what they're doing. And most of us, the lazy way is to yell. And so, you know,

00:14:14.800 understanding who I want to be, I don't want to be lazy. I want to show up. I want to put in the

00:14:20.080 extra work. And so recognizing that and then doing something about it. And then guess what?

00:14:25.360 That quarter that I put it in there, it didn't happen, but I got it down from yelling every time

00:14:30.820 to maybe yelling two or three times a week, but it still wasn't totally gone. And so I kept it in

00:14:37.520 there for another quarter. And then by the end of that quarter, I wasn't yelling anymore. There was

00:14:44.140 no circumstance that I was yelling at them, but man, the conversations I had through those six

00:14:49.340 months and beyond, like since then I'm engaged in better conversation. They, my kids noticed the

00:14:56.380 difference in my parenting style. They've, they've become closer to me. We've bonded more. We,

00:15:02.980 I mean, everything's improved, but I had to be proactive in doing something about it.

00:15:11.320 Right. And it's, I mean, we have the tools in the IC and we have the conversations and we have

00:15:15.400 the examples around us to help keep us accountable. And so I just used what I had at my dispense.

00:15:24.080 I think two things stood out to me and I'm glad I let you go first because one of them you hit on.

00:15:29.060 And the other one that came to mind is that I think there's value in having a hard line mantra.

00:15:33.680 So for example, via Lobos, we don't yell. That's a hard line stance. One of the ones that we have

00:15:42.720 here in our household is Micklers do hard things. And my kids roll their eyes when they hear it,

00:15:47.340 but we do hard things. We confront hard things. They know that it's a mantra and it's a hard line

00:15:52.420 stance. We don't behave this way, or we do behave this way, whatever that looks like for you.

00:15:56.700 The other thing that came to mind is, well, I love what you said about the lazy ways to yell.

00:16:01.880 For me, effective communication is the solution. So, because this is what you said, you said,

00:16:08.320 we don't want to be accepting of that behavior or the way people approach us. And you shouldn't

00:16:13.040 because accepting it is rolling over. It's passivity. It's the nice guy syndrome. And the quote that comes

00:16:19.940 to mind is we encourage what we tolerate. So for example, if you let your children backtalk you,

00:16:26.860 it's not neutral. You're not just tolerating it. You're actually teaching them. You're coaching

00:16:32.440 them to continue to backtalk you. And your wife, your wife might actually backtalk you as well.

00:16:38.240 If you don't say something in a positive and constructive way, you're not just tolerating it.

00:16:43.440 You're encouraging her to do that anytime there's any sort of confrontation. So for me, the best thing

00:16:50.500 I've done is just effective communication. So Sean, if for example, you showed up to this meeting late

00:16:57.120 and we agreed on doing this at one o'clock mountain, but you showed up at 120, that would bother me

00:17:03.340 as it should. We're men of our work or we're not. So it should bother me. So what I would say,

00:17:09.540 because it bothered me is not berate you, belittle you, yell at you, argue, because that's the hardline

00:17:14.400 stance I have. But what I would say is, Hey, Sean, we agreed to do this at one o'clock. It's one 20.

00:17:20.400 Now we only have 40 minutes instead of 60 minutes. And when you don't show up on time,

00:17:25.040 I feel disrespected. I don't think you mean it that way, but that's how it feels to me. So when

00:17:31.820 we do this in the future, can we both agree that we'll show up on time? Yeah. Well, and then

00:17:37.140 that's how a man handles those situations. Absolutely. And in saying that I was late

00:17:42.240 today, not 20 minutes, but I was, and as I was late, cause I was loading up the thing,

00:17:47.420 the app for this. Right. And it was unexpected. I'm using an iPad. I started early cause I was like,

00:17:53.400 Oh, I'll be there early and everything else. But thank goodness I still ended up late, but I texted

00:17:57.300 you. Right. And it's like, on the inside, I'm feeling terrible, but instead of just showing up late,

00:18:04.060 I'd like, let you know what was going on. Right. Like, Hey, it's almost loaded. I'm going to be

00:18:08.880 there. I'm going to be a little late. And you're like, great standing by. And, but like you said,

00:18:13.120 that effective communication is, it makes it better for both parties. Now, by the way, you probably

00:18:19.580 still did like, not mad maybe, but, but perturbed that I'm a little late and I'm perturbed that I'm

00:18:27.920 late. Right. So it's like, we're both bothered by it, but if we've at least told each other,

00:18:32.620 we can feel a little better. Well, and, and we also, it's a one-off situation. You and I have

00:18:39.500 known each other long enough where it's not a continual thing. This is a one-off. And so you can

00:18:43.560 afford some grace. You know, another example might be maybe your wife has a grievance. Maybe she's

00:18:51.180 bothered with you about something, whatever. And she says what she's bothered about, but she resorts

00:18:59.100 to ad hominem attacks. So instead of saying, Hey, I'm bothered that you got home late.

00:19:04.320 She might say, you don't care about us. You don't really love us. You don't support the family

00:19:08.540 because you're home late. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm home late from work.

00:19:14.500 Like, so to tell me I don't care about the family is not actually the issue. I realize that you're

00:19:20.320 bothered. So what I might say in that situation is, Hey hon, look, I realized that you're bothered that

00:19:25.900 I told you I'd be home at five 30 and it's now six o'clock and you planned dinner and you plan an

00:19:32.820 evening together and you expected that I was home on time. And you know, I'm really sorry about that.

00:19:38.600 And moving forward, I'm going to ensure that if I'm say I'm going to be home at five 30, I'm going

00:19:43.240 to be home at five 30. If some nights it's going to be six o'clock, guess what? That's what it's going

00:19:47.740 to be. Cause I'm out working, providing for the family. So some nights it is going to be six o'clock.

00:19:51.800 So that's what I'm going to own. But the way that you communicate it with me matters to me.

00:19:58.360 And when you berate me about not caring about the family, it makes me feel as if you don't

00:20:04.360 appreciate what I do every single day from 8am to 6pm to support, provide, and bring value to our

00:20:14.060 family. So in the future, I will be on time and I will communicate with you what that time is.

00:20:20.100 And what I would ask of you is stick to the issue, which is I was late. Not that I don't care about

00:20:26.280 the family because that makes me feel different than the actual issue at hand. These are conversations

00:20:31.560 that are not easy to have, um, but crucial. And the more that we can have these conversations with

00:20:39.800 the people that we love, the better off the relationships we have are going to be.

00:20:43.000 Yeah. And then make a plan, right? Like, it's like, this happens so much in relationships where

00:20:50.520 they're just like, Oh man, this keeps happening. And then they maybe even have the conversation like

00:20:54.660 you just said. And then like, you put it on yourself, like, yeah, I'll communicate with you

00:21:00.320 when I'll be back. But how about you also make it two way and say in return, also communicate with

00:21:06.000 me when you think dinner's going to be ready well ahead of time so that we can be on the same page.

00:21:12.620 You tell me, Hey, it's going to be ready by six. And I don't think I'm going to get there till 630.

00:21:17.280 At least I can tell you that an hour ahead of time. And then that way you're not sitting at the table

00:21:22.100 waiting with the kids for me to get there. And, uh, it turns into this argument again.

00:21:28.480 Well, I mean, the ironic thing about it is in this example, and this is a real world example.

00:21:34.820 Every man listening to this has gone through this. The ironic thing about it. Yeah. They're like,

00:21:39.660 they're, they're nodding along with us. The ironic thing about it is that I'm at work precisely

00:21:45.740 because I care about my family and she's making dinner precisely because she cares about you and

00:21:51.420 the family. So both parties care about each other. Let's just acknowledge that. And if we can,

00:21:57.340 if we can understand that first, then all the little minutia and the wording and the verbiage

00:22:03.060 and the way that we feel about it and how we communicate it, we can work through that.

00:22:06.160 But the bottom line is that the husband cares about his wife and family because he's working

00:22:10.380 his tail off every day. And the wife cares about her husband and family because she's there

00:22:14.940 cooking dinner, taking a couple hours to make sure dinner's ready and foods on the table

00:22:18.920 when her man gets home. So everybody cares about each other. Just acknowledge that first.

00:22:24.160 And then you can work out the details. All right, we beat this one to death.

00:22:27.180 What's next?

00:22:27.800 We did. Another Kevin, Kevin Hant. I'm five years out of a 17 year relationship. We have

00:22:36.940 two children, my son, 20 and in the Navy. And now my daughter, 10. As I started dating more

00:22:43.780 seriously, my ex became more vicious about our co-parenting. Recently, I've asked my current

00:22:49.900 girlfriend to be my fiance. Since then, the co-parenting has turned into emails only with her denying

00:22:56.000 me time with my daughter. She's nothing but rude to my fiance and hasn't even taken the time to meet

00:23:09.260 her. I fear that she is going to start turning the kids against me. When I suggested my daughter

00:23:14.800 her to sign up for a sport, she said, mom said, I don't have to. How does one go about keeping the

00:23:20.780 peace and not allowing an ugly co-parent affect the quality time you have with your kids?

00:23:26.740 So as you were saying this, there's a quote that came to mind, high fences make great neighbors.

00:23:35.780 Say about that. High fences make great neighbors. And what I mean by that and how it applies to your

00:23:41.580 situation is strong boundaries make better relationships. So you have rights as the father

00:23:51.560 of your children. And you probably already have some sort of settlement agreement, divorce decree

00:23:57.540 or agreement. You have things in place. And I like what Dave Ramsey says about this. When a husband

00:24:06.380 and wife decide to split up, at that point, it's now a business arrangement. Period. Full stop.

00:24:14.240 I know there's a lot of emotion. 17 years together. That's a long time. There's a lot of emotional

00:24:21.060 baggage built into that. There's a lot of love. There's a lot of hostility. There's a lot of hate.

00:24:25.600 There's a lot of joy. There's a lot of memories, good and bad. There's a lot built into it. But it is

00:24:29.840 now a business arrangement. And she is contractually obligated to follow the decree as you are. So

00:24:37.720 you have a lot of expect. What I'm hearing is that you have a lot of expectations on her.

00:24:44.240 On your ex. She doesn't even want to meet my, my fiance. She's not obligated to meet your fiance

00:24:50.920 unless it's built into the decree. And it can, it potentially can be like, hey, if new women or men

00:24:58.440 are coming into our lives, then we are to introduce to this, the ex spouse before the children. That

00:25:03.140 might be in your decree. That's pretty common. All you have to do is follow the decree and you can be

00:25:10.040 cordial. You can be respectful. One thing that I have built into our decree is that major decisions

00:25:15.960 for the children, including sports, parental time, healthcare decisions, financial decisions

00:25:26.100 will be made collectively between both of us. That's in the decree. It's, she's legally contractually

00:25:33.980 obligated to do that. As am I. So if I were to step outside of the decree or she was to step outside of

00:25:42.400 the decree, I can very simply say, hey, as per our decree, section three, line two, paragraph one,

00:25:50.240 this is what we agreed to do. And I will hold you to that. You don't have to say that harshly.

00:25:55.740 You just say like blatantly what it is. And if she continues to overstep those bounds, then you can

00:26:02.980 get, you can get legal involved. And there might come a point in time where you'd need to threaten

00:26:07.580 that. And you might say something like, hey, look, I've tried to be cordial about this. I've tried to

00:26:12.760 work together on this. I've tried to be flexible to the degree that I can to ensure that it's best for

00:26:16.820 our children, but you continue to overstep the bounds of our decree. And if you can't honor what you said

00:26:22.860 and what I agreed to, then I will get legal involved in this. That's not a threat. Well,

00:26:29.100 it's not an empty threat. It's you being a man. It's you exercising your rights. So she's not,

00:26:36.540 unless it states otherwise, obligated to meet your ex. She definitely is going to talk about you.

00:26:42.040 And even if she doesn't talk about you, and that's one thing that's often in decrees as well,

00:26:46.060 is that we won't talk ill or speak ill of each other, but there's still energy that kids will pick up on.

00:26:51.080 The only thing you can do there is just to be the best dad that you could possibly be.

00:26:56.400 Don't throw your ex under the bus. Don't speak ill of her. When you're talking with your children,

00:27:01.780 give her the benefit of the doubt and raise your children the way that you feel like they need to

00:27:08.200 be raised. And I promise you, I really do, that as your children get older, they're going to see that

00:27:14.620 mom is being petty, that she's being vindictive, that she's acting like a child. And dad is the one

00:27:22.280 who's being mature and he's being responsible and he's administering boundaries and he has systems

00:27:29.220 in place to ensure that we are cared for and provided for and loved. And over time, especially

00:27:35.220 as they grow older and maybe even have their own families, they're going to start to see that dad is

00:27:39.820 the responsible one in the picture and mom was just being a little child. I love that. I'd love

00:27:46.440 that from so many different ways. And as you were talking about the decree, I was thinking more devil's

00:27:52.020 advocate of, you know, from what it sounds like from him is that it's so past the point of no return,

00:27:58.080 which a lot of times I think we feel it is, and it's not where we could put together a decree,

00:28:04.180 like you're saying, but let's say it is. And that was my thought is if, what if it's past that point

00:28:09.260 of no return? I was thinking exactly what you said, even though I haven't been through this situation,

00:28:16.360 it's, you obviously are, are in the middle of it right now, right? Maybe not like what he's saying,

00:28:22.400 but just finding that balance of how do I still show up for my kids? How do I co-parent? How do I

00:28:28.740 keep their respect? How do I, I ensure that they continue to love me that, you know, and, and

00:28:35.220 I can speak though, from being one of the kids in that situation. I mentioned my dad was not around.

00:28:43.900 He, I got maybe every other weekend with him and man, when he remarried, my mom was vicious to my

00:28:52.260 step-mom and, and, and all the way up until she died. My mom was, you know, pretty, pretty mean

00:28:59.220 about my step-mom. And, and now I look at my dad, my dad has been married to my step-mom now for over

00:29:05.580 30 years there, you know, they've this great example, raised three other boys. I mean, just

00:29:10.380 the great role models of parenting. And then I mentioned also, my dad never yelled at me, never

00:29:17.840 it hit me. So he was always that example. One thing he also never, ever did was talk bad about

00:29:23.460 my mom. And, uh, Oh, that was the number one thing that stood out where my mom, all she did was talk

00:29:31.460 bad about my dad, talk bad about my step-mom talk bad about, you know, like, like I'll never forget.

00:29:36.840 We broke down. We were in the truck coming back from a little dirt bike trip that we went on,

00:29:41.680 my dad and I. And, um, it was like some holiday, I forget what holiday, but we're on our way home.

00:29:46.760 And, uh, he had to get me back by a certain time. And he saw this guy on the side of the road down

00:29:52.720 in this ditch that was broken down. And, uh, he had toe straps in his truck and stuff. So we pull

00:29:58.360 over to help this guy. And so my dad, as he's pulling this guy out of this little, like a valley

00:30:06.040 thing, his truck breaks down. And, uh, so like it's literally now there's two lame trucks on the side of

00:30:15.060 the road and it takes hours. Obviously this is back before cell phones or anything else. And,

00:30:21.100 and so waiting for help and we are hours late. I mean, like we didn't get home to, I don't even

00:30:26.260 know what time it was, but all I remember about that situation is my mom having zero empathy,

00:30:31.580 no anything. She, for months talked about how irresponsible my dad was, how he didn't get me

00:30:37.100 home on time, how, you know, that that's not in alignment with their agreement, right? Like you're

00:30:43.420 talking about. And I just, I just sat back, like, no matter what she said about him, I was not going

00:30:50.400 to stop loving my dad. Right. And it's like, have you ever, as I read this question, have you read

00:30:57.560 Kevin Hart's book? I mean, I think that the, the book is, uh, you can't make this stuff up.

00:31:03.260 You know, the comedian, Kevin Hart. No, I haven't read the book, but I heard him on Rogan and I heard

00:31:08.380 some of the things that he was talking about specifically as it relates to his daughter, I believe,

00:31:12.760 which were pretty fascinating. Yeah. His, but his dad, his dad literally was like a crackhead

00:31:18.260 when he was growing up, never around in and out of jail, like drugs, just the craziest. And the

00:31:24.820 stories he has about his dad and he's never stopped loving his dad, you know, and now he's like famous.

00:31:30.460 And now his dad was estranged from him and now wants to be a part of his life again. And he had all

00:31:35.500 this empathy. Like he brought him back as he does all this stuff with his dad now. Right. He was never

00:31:39.480 around. So like the worst case, literally scenario as a father and just as children,

00:31:45.200 we never stopped loving our parents, even when they do the worst to us sometimes. Right. And so

00:31:50.960 as long as you're showing up, like you're saying and being the best, not talking bad, loving on them,

00:31:56.480 being that example, there's nothing that your ex can do to turn your kids against you. All right. So I

00:32:04.600 just wanted to kind of give that assurance in here. And I think you're spot on if he shows up

00:32:10.320 and he just loves on them and doesn't mean he's got to get them into sports and all the stuff that

00:32:14.880 he wants is going to happen the way he wants to. But if they know he loves them unconditionally and

00:32:20.940 he's going to be for them, no matter what it's there's nothing she's going to be able to say

00:32:25.520 to turn them against them. And they're going to have that respect. They're going to have that love for

00:32:29.680 him. And as they're adults, it's not going to matter anyways, which ultimately is you're going

00:32:34.480 to have a longer amount of time to be there with them as their father in their adulthood than you

00:32:42.380 will in their childhood anyways. So just focus on what that's going to be like more and be excited

00:32:48.100 about that. You know, I'm always worried to, to give this answer, but there is some validity in

00:32:55.320 this and that's be a man. All right. Be a man. Stand up for yourself, protect your kids,

00:33:03.180 acknowledge your rights, take a hard line stance as long as it's good and valuable. And so

00:33:08.220 you, you might tell her two things came to mind. You might tell her, Hey, look, I appreciate you

00:33:13.900 don't want our daughter or son in sports, but you know what? I'm making an executive decision on this

00:33:19.660 one. And our daughter is going to be in softball and our son is going to be in sports. And I've

00:33:25.480 already signed them up and practices are on Tuesday and Thursday night at 7 PM. When they're with me on

00:33:31.240 Tuesday, I'll take them when they're with you on Thursday, you'll take them and their games are

00:33:35.040 Mondays and Saturday nights. What do you like? If you want to push on that, bring it on. I'll go to court

00:33:45.140 with you over that. I don't think it'll come to that. I think she'll acquiesce to that because

00:33:49.760 she knows like there's no ground that she has to stand on. Be a man. If you think it's good for your

00:33:55.120 kids, then do it. And then the other thing I would say is if she's going to be mean to their step-mom

00:34:00.820 and she's going to be vicious about it again, be a man. That new woman is your bride. She's your wife

00:34:07.260 or soon to be wife in this case. And so what you do is you reach out to your ex and you say, Hey,

00:34:13.560 you know what? Here's what's acceptable with my new relationship. You don't have to like her.

00:34:20.080 We don't have to go to family barbecues together. You don't need to talk to her,

00:34:24.180 but here's what you're not going to do. And if you continue to do these things,

00:34:29.360 or if you want to be engaged in these things, know that there are repercussions and I will enforce

00:34:34.520 that. There are repercussions to that. And there is room that you have to stand and you damn well

00:34:42.100 better know your rights and you damn well better be willing to fight for it. And I don't think it's

00:34:47.240 going to go there if you do that in a firm, but fair way, but you need to put some boundaries in

00:34:53.320 place and women respect that. Even women who don't like you, like your ex will respect that. At least

00:35:00.160 you're being a man about it. Absolutely. Love that. Just one word of caution on that. When you were

00:35:05.960 talking about just signing them up in the question, it sounded like his daughter said, well, mom said,

00:35:11.420 I don't have to makes it sound like the daughter didn't want to do it. Doesn't want to. Does that

00:35:15.820 make sense? So make sure you had that conversation with your kid first and how badly they want to do

00:35:21.580 the sport or whatever it is that you want to sign them up in. And as long as it's their idea and

00:35:27.360 something they want to do and they're excited about, then absolutely go do it. Right. But don't do it

00:35:32.920 because it's what you want. That's fair. And in that case, I might say, you know, if your daughter

00:35:39.060 doesn't want to go train martial arts, then you might say, well, that's okay, hon, but you are

00:35:45.740 going to pick something physical in nature and you can dance, you can do softball, you can do martial

00:35:52.780 arts, you can do baseball, you can do track, you can do this, you can do that, you can do whatever you

00:35:56.980 want. I'll let you pick which one that is, but you are going to do something. Yeah. We don't

00:36:02.820 need to let our kids dictate whether or not they're going to do things. I never got that

00:36:06.920 choice. I got thrown in karate and football and basketball and baseball and some of it

00:36:12.460 I hated and some of it I really liked. I don't remember ever getting a choice. It was just

00:36:17.900 a thing that I was going to do. So I would agree in that we don't need to put them into

00:36:23.600 a box, but there are some parameters in which our kids should operate and we have say over

00:36:27.880 because there are children. Yeah. And that's where it becomes hard when you're co-parenting

00:36:32.820 because like, if you're in a, you know, like with my wife and I, we have that philosophy

00:36:37.920 for all of our kids. They're going to be in something whether they like it or not. And

00:36:42.740 we're going to help them figure out what that is that they're going to like. And sometimes

00:36:46.520 they're not going to like it at first, or maybe they're not going to like it through the

00:36:49.380 season, but they're at least going to try, you know? And, and so it's tough though,

00:36:54.820 if you're a co-parent and you have that philosophy, which I think is strong, I think it's healthy.

00:36:59.220 I think that's what we should do as parents. But if it feels like it's forcing it on the

00:37:04.520 kid, it's still not healthy as you know, as far as like you, what they're going to get,

00:37:13.540 especially as children, you know, and if now she's saying bad things about you and they don't

00:37:19.380 want to do it, that's a bad combination for you. Right.

00:37:22.380 I mean, it is, but I think the greater risk is just being a pushover. I mean, I don't

00:37:27.820 disagree with what you're saying, but the greater risk is being a pussy. And so what I would say is

00:37:34.560 if like, again, if it's karate and she doesn't want to do karate, it's like, okay, there's three

00:37:39.140 or four things. Here's three or four you can choose from, choose one. And then you reach out to your ex

00:37:42.880 and you say, Hey, we've both agreed in the past that having our daughter involved in some sort of

00:37:47.660 physical activity each season is important. And so these are the three or four activities I've

00:37:52.940 identified. She can choose one. Or if you have something that you think of would be better for

00:38:00.240 our daughter based on conversations you've had, I'm open to that. But women want to be led, even

00:38:05.420 your ex. And I would be willing to bet without knowing the situation that part of the reason that

00:38:10.320 the marriage didn't completely work out is because you abdicated your responsibility as the father and

00:38:14.860 the husband. So now all of a sudden you're stepping up and you're saying, Hey, look,

00:38:19.940 I know this might not be the best thing. Here's three solutions. If you have a better one, let me

00:38:25.120 know, but this is happening. So what would be best for you? So you're taking a stance as a man,

00:38:32.160 but you're also giving some leniency and grace to allow your ex to make some decisions and your

00:38:37.560 daughter to make some decisions within parameters, because that's the job of my man.

00:38:42.240 Yeah. And it comes back to effective communication, like we said in the last question,

00:38:48.160 right? So become a better communicator. Awesome. Next one is Scott Brookens. He says,

00:38:55.580 discuss the power of manifesting your goals.

00:38:59.080 Um, I, I don't like, I don't particularly like that term just cause it has a lot of different

00:39:07.520 and strange connotations. It means a lot of different things. If you think it, it will be,

00:39:14.000 and I don't necessarily agree with that, but I'm not going to tell you that thinking about it first

00:39:18.940 isn't what helps it actually come in, in, into reality at some point. So I think for me,

00:39:25.600 I shy away from manifesting and I move more into working, just make it happen. So I don't,

00:39:37.240 I don't really know what you mean or what you're thinking about when you say manifesting,

00:39:41.420 because a lot of people will be like, Oh, you just think it into existence, just manifest it into

00:39:47.440 existence. That's a little too woo woo for my personality. So I have a system, Sean, I know you do

00:39:53.100 too. Yeah. You have to think about it first. You have to exercise some vision. You have to think

00:40:00.040 and dream and conjure up these ideas that are not real currently. What does your body look like?

00:40:05.740 What does your relationship look like? What does your career look like? How many zeros are at the

00:40:10.880 end of the one in your bank account? How, how little debt do you have? Can you see four abs or six or

00:40:16.940 eight abs? Um, are you deadlifting 500 pounds? Can you run a seven minute mile? Um, are you having

00:40:23.440 good conversations with your kids? Whatever your goals are, you have to at least vision them. It takes

00:40:28.940 some creativity at first, but once you have the creative, that's like 10% of it to me. And once you

00:40:36.580 have that creative, emotionally charged vision, 90% is in the work. Uh, it's, it's, it's really crucial

00:40:45.280 that we place the emphasis in the work. I think the greater risk is not that we spend too much time

00:40:50.420 daydreaming, but that we spend too little time doing work. Yeah. Every man I've ever met has a

00:40:58.920 vision for what he wants out of life. So it's not a concern to me that whether or not the guy is

00:41:03.600 thinking about being ambitious, it's, are you doing what is necessary? So I only use vision and

00:41:11.380 objectives and manifestation, if you want to use that term as means to an end, to reverse engineer

00:41:16.480 the process of what I need to do today, right now, this podcast, for example, in order to achieve

00:41:24.200 the ultimate desires that I have. I love it. And it's, to me, I have nothing to add, except that

00:41:31.120 what you're basically saying is make sure that your definition of manifestation includes the work,

00:41:38.120 includes a strategy for the work. Um, and that it's, that becomes well thought out. Um, it's the

00:41:45.940 thought that leads you to that strategy and the work, right? And it's, it's, you're dead on where

00:41:51.440 there's too many people that think that it's the thought that just makes it show up in your life. Um,

00:41:57.940 but without the work, it's all nothing. It's like faith, right? It's, it's, everybody talks,

00:42:02.760 all these quotes from scripture on faith. The most important one in my opinion is faith without works

00:42:08.900 is dead. It's faith that can move mountains, but you still have to do the work to move those

00:42:14.980 mountains. And so it's, it doesn't just happen because you thought it should. So, um, let's,

00:42:24.140 so check this out. I'm, I'm actually very curious about this. So I, I, I looked up a definition of

00:42:28.900 the term manifest and essentially it says here display or show a quality or feeling by one's

00:42:38.240 acts or appearance, demonstrate. So it's not just thinking about it's the acts. Okay. But then

00:42:45.140 I looked at this while you were pulling this up, the etymology of, and, and I'm kind of fascinated

00:42:50.360 with the etymology of words, but this is what AI gave me on Google. And it says the word manifest

00:42:55.560 originates from the Latin word manifestus meaning clear, obvious, or plainly apprehensible. This Latin

00:43:04.940 term is thought to come from a combination of manis meaning hand. Remember that manis meaning hand

00:43:12.100 and a second element festus possibly related to infestus meaning hostile.

00:43:18.080 hostile. So when I, when I, when I hear that without diving too much into this, if we're to

00:43:28.580 take that for what it is, festus meaning hostile and manis meaning hand to me, it's set, what I hear

00:43:35.520 is ruthless action. That's what I hear. Hostile meaning ruthless. Like you are dedicated hand

00:43:46.480 meaning working with your hands, getting to work, doing the work. So if I'm to take this at its face

00:43:52.620 value to manifest literally means ruthless work. I don't see that any other way. I can't interpret

00:44:02.060 that any other way. I love it. No more that needs to be said. Nailed it. All right, man. What's next?

00:44:09.140 Next one. Bob Ross. I recently reread sovereignty. I really resonated with chapter nine and the past,

00:44:17.020 present, and future. If you wrote this today, what areas would be different and in what ways?

00:44:25.180 This is going to be a hard one. What? I don't know what, like chapter nine, past, present,

00:44:30.220 and future. It's been 10 years. So I don't really know the context. Can you read the question one more

00:44:36.240 time? Because I don't know the context in which he's saying it because I wrote that book 10 years

00:44:41.060 ago. Yeah. I recently reread sovereignty. I really resonated with chapter nine and the past, present,

00:44:49.040 and future. If you wrote this today, what areas would be different and in what ways?

00:44:56.780 That's, that's probably the hardest question I've been asked on one of these.

00:45:00.340 Um, when, when, okay. So, but I'll, but I'll, I'll spitball here a little bit. When I hear

00:45:06.720 past, present, and future, here's what I think. The past is only as valuable as you're willing to

00:45:14.740 look at it, not as a metric or definition of the person that you are. So we're not going to wrap up

00:45:20.220 our identity in the past because all of us were assholes in the past. All of us should have been

00:45:26.440 inferior versions of who we are today. So we never revisit the past to beat ourselves up. We only

00:45:32.940 revisit the past to learn lessons and use it as a benchmark for who we are today. Look how far I've

00:45:39.400 come. For example, there's a great book called the gap in the gain. And so we're going to look back at

00:45:44.700 who we were to realize that, man, we've come so far. If in a very tangible example, I used to be a hundred

00:45:52.320 pounds overweight, then I can look back and say, man, look at that guy that I was before. And look

00:45:58.500 who I am today. Look how far I've come. And that will motivate us to do even better moving forward.

00:46:04.960 So that's how I look at the past. The present is really the only thing that matters in the grand

00:46:09.440 scheme of things. How do you and I show up on this podcast right now, Sean? Are we engaged? Are we

00:46:14.800 focused? Are we committed? Are we distraction free? Or do we come unprepared, chaotic, frustrated about

00:46:21.880 other things and do an inferior job of what we should be doing? When you get home from work

00:46:26.900 today, are you frustrated? Because in the past, even if it was two hours earlier, you didn't show

00:46:31.960 up, you didn't make your calls, you dinked around all day, you sat on the toilet too long, and you

00:46:36.720 didn't really do the work that you needed to do. And therefore, it's impacting your ability to be

00:46:40.520 present at the dinner table with your wife and kids, to ask them powerful questions, to jump on the

00:46:46.120 trampoline if that's what they want to do, to go have a deep and meaningful conversation with your

00:46:50.900 wife because she needs some emotional connection. That's the present. And it's all based on what

00:46:57.180 we've done in the past. And then the future is obviously forward thinking. Who are you right now?

00:47:03.560 Who could you be? Who do you have the potential to become? And what systems do we put in place to

00:47:11.020 ensure that that vision I have for myself becomes a reality? That's the battle plan that we referenced

00:47:16.200 earlier. So for Bob, I hope that lands. I'm going to have to go back and read chapter nine myself

00:47:22.740 because I really don't remember what I wrote right offhand, if I'm being honest with you.

00:47:26.600 Yeah. And well, as you're saying it, my overwhelming thought, because I'm in total alignment with

00:47:34.260 everything you just said. So then my thought is maybe to help feel what he's asking a little more is,

00:47:39.320 do you think that the answer you just gave would have been different 10 years ago? Or do you think

00:47:45.880 it's the same thing? I think it probably sounds better than it did 10 years ago, but I think the

00:47:55.160 answer is probably very similar. And it should sound better. I should know my audience better. I should

00:48:00.900 be clear on what that means to me. I should have more articulate thoughts about the concepts.

00:48:06.600 And if I didn't sound better today than I sounded 10 years ago, what the hell have I been doing for

00:48:13.920 the last decade? That's the interesting thing to me when people criticize the work I'm doing. And

00:48:18.580 sometimes I'll get questions or comments and they'll say, well, you know, Ryan, you said this about

00:48:23.040 chapter nine, but 10 years ago, you said this. Well, yeah, 10 years ago, I was an inferior version of

00:48:31.180 myself. I would hope that 10 years later, I have a slightly different response to the questions that

00:48:39.700 I'm asked. I hope they're more articulate. I hope they're more well thought out. I hope they're more

00:48:45.540 balanced. I hope they're more empathetic based on my own personal life experiences. But it's wild to me

00:48:52.260 that so many people, you wouldn't want this for yourself. And yet we do it to other people.

00:48:57.200 Like I've seen stuff, for example, with I'm going to get myself into some hot water here,

00:49:02.300 but I'm willing to willing to sit in it for a minute. Tim Kennedy is facing some heat right now

00:49:09.900 for some stolen valor accusations. And it's clear based on recorded evidence that he made some

00:49:17.880 accusations that are absolutely unequivocally false. And I think there should be some accountability

00:49:25.680 in that. I think he should be called to account. I think he should be questioned as to why he wasn't

00:49:33.440 honest. And also, and I'm using the word and deliberately, and also, I think there's some room

00:49:41.540 for some empathy. I think there is some room for some grace. I think there is some room to analyze

00:49:48.660 and question whether or not the things that he's done between then and now are worthy of

00:49:53.860 some consideration. And it's the same thing that I faced when I went through my divorce.

00:50:01.740 You know, when I went through my divorce three years ago and the alcohol abuse,

00:50:07.000 I got a lot of hate and hostility. And you know what? It was justified.

00:50:12.560 Like, there's no other way for me to say it. You know, I was saying one thing and I was doing

00:50:17.420 different things and I thought I had a handle and control on it and I didn't. And I ended up

00:50:22.320 really messing a lot of things up personally, relationally, and professionally. So I don't

00:50:29.320 fault people for being frustrated with that. And also, for the past three years, I've been working on

00:50:36.120 correcting my behavior, making different choices, doing different things, being more empathetic

00:50:43.200 to those who are suffering from divorce or separation or alcohol or drug abuse. And I think

00:50:50.220 that ought to be taken into consideration when you're evaluating the totality of the way a person

00:50:55.560 shows up. There's somebody in my life who's very close to me and she says, we're all different shades

00:51:01.000 of gray. We are. We're not black and white. We can be amazing, incredible human beings. And we can be

00:51:08.980 horrible, atrocious losers. And depending on the situation and the circumstances, we're all of the

00:51:17.480 above at certain times in our lives and different experiences. And I think just have a little bit more

00:51:23.300 grace for yourself and know that you might have been a loser in the past, but you don't need to be today

00:51:28.120 and you certainly don't need to be in the future. It's just a decision you have to make. And don't

00:51:32.660 let anybody ever hold you back or hold you to who you used to be. When somebody says, well, I knew you

00:51:38.040 when you were in high school. Yeah, dude, that was for me 30 years ago. That doesn't count anymore.

00:51:47.180 Like that's who I was, but it's not who I need to be today.

00:51:50.520 Yeah. Yeah. I, I, the reason I asked that is because I think that if we're talking 10 years

00:52:00.720 goes by, what you thought was going to happen in your life 10 years ago hasn't happened. Now,

00:52:07.060 some of the things have happened. Some are better, some than you thought they were going to be. Some

00:52:10.680 are worse than you thought they were going to be. Some are, you know, close to in line with what you

00:52:14.700 thought, but most of them probably aren't exactly what you thought. And so when you say I should

00:52:20.160 sound better, I actually don't agree that you should sound better. I think in your life experience,

00:52:25.860 it should sound better, but ultimately you're going to sound different. I think if you sound the same,

00:52:31.980 that's what you should be most scared about. You should sound different. Whether that's better or not

00:52:36.600 is dependent on your specific life experience. But I think that's where the past, present,

00:52:41.400 future comes into play is that the process is still the same. Your, your search for excellence,

00:52:49.780 your pursuit of excellence, your pursuit of sovereignty is the same as it was 10 years ago.

00:52:55.520 And the process that you're undertaking to gain that is the same as it was, but life through it,

00:53:01.740 you all these different things, you know, I think 10 years ago, what I thought my life was going to be

00:53:05.680 like, and where I was going to be that, you know, I, I didn't know my mom was going to be dead. I didn't

00:53:10.120 know, you know, like I had a, a good friend and business partner of mine die yesterday at this

00:53:16.260 event. I'm at an event in Las Vegas, you know, with our entire business organization here. And

00:53:22.080 one of my top leaders and friends died yesterday, literally like just all of us is 36 years old,

00:53:28.080 young, you know, two young daughters, um, fit all of the things you would want to be successful

00:53:34.440 and just boom, now he's gone. Right. I wouldn't have thought that. I wouldn't have thought that for

00:53:39.040 this event, let alone 10 years. Right. And so the, like the process for how you show up

00:53:45.260 is still the same, right? Like that happened. You asked me to do this. I said, yes, I'm still here

00:53:50.540 doing this. That doesn't change. Right. Like, so the process stays the same. Your focus can stay the

00:53:56.760 same. You're going to grow and, and whether that's better or worse is dependent on you, but it's also

00:54:04.620 dependent on how you view your life. And so the better or worse you can gauge, but overall, no

00:54:12.020 matter what you should be different and you're going to be different. And that's, that's part of

00:54:16.000 the journey. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Different, maybe in good ways and maybe different in some not so good

00:54:22.440 ways. You know, maybe I make some improvements in one area and I fall and slip in another area,

00:54:27.180 but we are different. There's this thought that I had Sean, as you were saying this, well, first of all,

00:54:31.900 I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your, of your friend. I mean, I, I had no idea you didn't share

00:54:35.920 that with me. And, um, that's gotta be a really difficult thing, especially in the light of you

00:54:41.100 guys being at the conference that you're at, it probably impacts a lot of people. So man, sorry

00:54:45.480 to hear that. Um, and you, you know, on that, on that same, same thread line, I think as I, so I'm 44

00:54:53.440 years old and I think as I get older and a little bit more gray in my beard, um, I'm realizing that

00:55:01.820 I am just not full of piss and vinegar like I was before. And I have very little control over my life

00:55:07.680 the way I thought I did when I was 25 years old, two decades ago. Um, and so I'm learning to let go

00:55:14.860 of what it, what's going to be. And that's not, look, here's the problem with that is I'm not telling

00:55:21.580 you I'm putting it all in God's hands and manifesting and just hoping everything works

00:55:26.480 out. Okay. That's not what I'm saying. But what I am saying is this, the conversations I have in

00:55:31.840 prayer with God are no longer, Hey, help me have this thing. Like, give me this relationship. Give

00:55:37.780 me this business. Give me this money. Give me this notoriety. Give me, give me, give me, give me,

00:55:42.360 give me. It's all about me. Those aren't the conversations I'm having anymore. The conversations

00:55:46.460 I'm having now as a 44 year old man are God, this is what I think I want. That this is, this is what

00:55:54.520 I'm working towards. I would like to have these things, but what do you think? Like, am I on the

00:56:03.460 right path? I, yeah. And if I'm not, give me a little insight now before you have to make it hard

00:56:10.120 for me. I'll listen. If you just give me a little bit of insight and that still small voice, I'll listen

00:56:14.540 to that. I, we don't need to make this a learning experience. I'll be humble. I'll listen. Here's

00:56:21.000 my own selfish pursuits and desires. And maybe some of them are righteous and maybe some of them

00:56:25.580 are not. This is what I want, but you guide me, you tell me, and then I'll let go. And you know

00:56:33.560 what I've, what's happened is I've let go amazing things, new people that have come into my life

00:56:41.260 that never would have come into my life. Other ways, new insight and perspectives and ideas for

00:56:47.760 the business and products and services and conversations and relationships and forgiveness

00:56:54.040 have come into my life because I know what I want, but I'm also open to his guidance and letting go.

00:57:01.720 It's a weird thing to have direction on one hand, but be humble enough to know that that doesn't

00:57:10.260 really mean that you get to have that. It's the balance between your own desires and what God has

00:57:15.300 in store for you and finding the common ground between the two. I think the closer and the quicker

00:57:20.120 that you can align the two, your own desires with God's, the better off you're going to be

00:57:24.320 and the better off people around you are going to be. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you just said that because

00:57:29.440 as your friend, I could see that in you, you are happier. You are more, you have more empathy.

00:57:40.020 You show up better as a friend and that's not by chance. That's, you know, and through all the crap,

00:57:48.260 it doesn't mean you're not more frustrated with things. It's like, I know that's happening too.

00:57:52.940 Right. And there's, there's all of these emotions and things that come with the process that you've been

00:57:57.440 going through. Um, but I see that, right? Like I feel that as your friend and that's how it should

00:58:04.380 be. Like, and if not, I would be having more conversations with you and reaching out more

00:58:09.740 to help you be more on that path. Right. But you're showing up according to, and it's funny that the

00:58:16.740 book is what started this. According to what you wrote in that book, um, you're showing up the way that

00:58:23.580 you advised others and you're implementing the things. And that's why I'm seeing that change in

00:58:28.900 you, which I love. Yeah. Well, I appreciate, you know, it's funny. Uh, a close mutual friend of

00:58:34.680 ours reached out to me the other night and he said, Hey man, are you doing okay? I said, yeah,

00:58:37.800 I'm doing okay. What's up. And he's like, well, you were on that call the other day. You seemed

00:58:40.920 different. And he seemed a little, what did he say? You seemed a little lighter, a little looser.

00:58:46.160 I'm just wondering if like, you've been drinking again. And I said, no, no, I haven't been drinking.

00:58:55.080 I just don't think, take things as seriously as I used to. He's like, yeah, it just seems like you

00:59:00.480 have a different personality. I'm just hoping everything is okay. I'm like, yeah, everything's

00:59:03.520 really good. I take myself less serious and I, I'm a serious person by nature, but I don't know.

00:59:10.500 It seems like there's a weight that has been lifted that was on my back that I, that I put

00:59:15.540 on my back personally, um, over the past, you know, four or five, six years. And now I feel,

00:59:22.120 I feel lighter. Um, I feel like I'm willing to accept the path of my life. That's not to say

00:59:30.020 that I'm being passive or complacent, but I'm willing to explore the fringes that I wasn't

00:59:35.740 open to before because I was so rigid and this is the way it's going to work. And I'm going to make

00:59:39.620 this work and bear down. And now I kind of feel like I have a path. I think I'm doing the right

00:59:46.260 thing, but if I'm not, God, please let me know so I can fix it really quickly. And there's just

00:59:53.800 some lightness in that and some joy and fulfillment in that as well. And some excitement because you

00:59:58.760 never know what tomorrow's going to hold either. Absolutely. And that's what I'm talking about. You

01:00:03.680 feel happier, more excited, more on the path. And it feels like, you know, you're doing what you're

01:00:10.460 telling people to do even more so than, you know, when I met you six, seven years ago or whatever it

01:00:16.160 was when we started our relationship. Right. So it's, it's, uh, it's really inspiring. Yeah.

01:00:21.740 Well, I'm glad, man. I'm glad. I appreciate you saying that. That means a lot to me. I feel that way.

01:00:26.720 So, uh, it means a lot coming from somebody who's a good friend, a fellow hunter, and just, uh, just

01:00:33.660 somebody I admire and respect as well. Cool. Well, we're kind of at our line. You want to stop it or

01:00:39.880 you want to do one more quick one? Nope. I got to end it. I'm actually going to Alaska and I'm heading

01:00:45.040 out tonight. So I've got to wrap things up. I've never been to Alaska before. Um, and I've got some

01:00:51.240 close people in my life that I'm going to go fish with and check out Homer, Alaska. I've wanted to

01:00:56.680 go for decades now and I'm going to make it happen. So I am finishing packing. I got all

01:01:02.000 my stuff right here, ready to go. And I'm out of here, man. I'm excited about it. Amazing. Stokes

01:01:07.180 for you. Have a great time. Thank you, brother. Hey guys, look, appreciate you. And Sean, I got

01:01:12.240 to tell you, you know, you're always willing to fill in. I didn't realize you guys had an

01:01:15.720 event in Vegas this weekend. Uh, you didn't bring that up. And I, I only say that because that's

01:01:22.120 a testament to the kind of man that you are when you have something that you care about and a

01:01:26.140 friend that you believe in, you're willing to make those sacrifices without even mentioning

01:01:30.260 that you have your own shit going on. If I would have known, I may not have reached out.

01:01:34.060 Maybe that's why you didn't tell me, but I think that's a, um, I think that's a virtue.

01:01:39.120 And I got to tell you, I really appreciate you stepping up in the midst of your own busy

01:01:42.480 schedule. And I know the guys are getting a lot of value from this. So appreciate you,

01:01:45.840 brother. Really do. I appreciate that. And it's all for the mission, what we stand for,

01:01:50.960 right? This movement is, is more important than, um, you know, any of the other things

01:01:58.020 and making excuses for it. So I just love what we're doing and, and want to help any way I can.

01:02:04.080 I know you do guys. Great questions today. Hopefully we gave you some things to consider.

01:02:08.340 Uh, we'll be back on Friday, pre-recorded, got everything ready. Just know I'm having a good

01:02:13.220 old time in Alaska, but we're still going to put the podcast out for you guys. And hopefully we'll

01:02:17.240 continue to add value in, in light of all the other things that we have going on in our lives

01:02:20.940 and the things I'm sure you have going on in yours. Uh, we'll be back on Friday until then go

01:02:25.520 out there, take action and become a man. You are meant to be.

01:02:33.300 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:02:37.880 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:02:47.240 Thank you.

Order of Man - July 16, 2025

Ruthlessly Work Towards Goals ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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