Order of Man - Self-Discipline vs. Self-Sabotage, Is Jiu-Jitsu or Muay Thai Better, and Dealing with Young Children and No Money

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.460 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.680 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.940 Mr. Kip Sorensen, good to be in the same vicinity, the same room as you.

00:00:28.400 So here we are at Origin Immersion Camp. I think this is number four for me. Is this four or three?

00:00:35.860 This is four for me as well.

00:00:37.700 So maybe it's three for me. I mean, five for me.

00:00:40.580 Yeah. Because you came.

00:00:43.140 Did you come one year without me?

00:00:44.920 The first time I came out here, I think. Or were you here?

00:00:47.840 I think I came the first time you did.

00:00:49.620 That was right before we moved out here.

00:00:51.100 Yeah.

00:00:51.480 Oh, so we've been the same amount of time.

00:00:52.700 Yeah, because I remember driving around looking at houses around the neighborhood.

00:00:55.080 You, me, and Matthew Arrington.

00:00:56.300 Yeah.

00:00:56.560 That's right.

00:00:57.000 Cool.

00:00:57.360 Yeah.

00:00:57.740 Yeah.

00:00:58.080 So.

00:00:58.700 Look at us.

00:00:59.280 An annual thing for the last four years.

00:01:02.120 Seasoned Jiu-Jitsu Immersion participants.

00:01:04.640 That's right.

00:01:05.420 Somebody was telling me they have the attendees this year are 70% new attendees.

00:01:12.100 No way.

00:01:13.020 That's what they said.

00:01:14.000 That sounds crazy to me.

00:01:15.400 Yeah.

00:01:15.560 This always blows my mind.

00:01:17.320 So just for the guys that will probably never come to an immersion, what's nuts is on that first night, I wasn't here in time for this yesterday.

00:01:25.720 I don't think you've been on time for any of the immersion camps.

00:01:29.900 One year I showed up in the middle of the night and the wrong camp out in the middle of nowhere.

00:01:34.320 I'm like poking through windows trying to find people.

00:01:37.000 That was the all girls camp.

00:01:38.220 You're Mr. Peeping Kip over here peeking into ladies' cabins.

00:01:43.280 Yeah.

00:01:44.140 Yeah.

00:01:44.540 What blows my mind, it just gets reiterated by what you just said, is I remember the first time I came to camp, they bring everybody in the large conference room.

00:01:56.040 They break out by like belt levels.

00:01:58.400 And then Pete usually asks the question, who's, who has been doing jujitsu for a year and or who's, this is their first time.

00:02:09.500 A lot of people.

00:02:10.380 And so many people raise their hands and it blows my mind.

00:02:14.640 I was talking to just Ray about this.

00:02:16.460 It, he was saying it's the Jocko effect, right?

00:02:20.340 People listening or it's the order of man effect and Jocko effect.

00:02:23.880 But really it's like hearing these gentlemen talk about jujitsu and they're like, I'm going to try.

00:02:29.340 And then they hear about an immersion camp and go, sweet, I'm going to Maine for a solid week.

00:02:34.260 And that's my first jujitsu experience.

00:02:36.620 It's crazy.

00:02:37.540 That was kind of mine.

00:02:38.780 I trained a little bit with Matthew, uh, maybe a handful of times.

00:02:43.320 Yeah.

00:02:43.560 There in St. George, Utah, before I came out here and I was beat down for that for, cause I went for a full week.

00:02:52.160 Yeah.

00:02:52.560 And I was, I was a mess.

00:02:55.120 Like physically I was just exhausted and sore and I couldn't move.

00:03:00.120 Yeah.

00:03:00.680 And then this time I can't even train really.

00:03:03.300 Cause of my surgery that I had, I think it's been eight weeks and, but I actually rolled today and it felt really good.

00:03:12.600 Yeah.

00:03:13.120 Felt really good to get back on the mats.

00:03:15.480 We'll see how it feels.

00:03:18.300 I am trying to take it easy.

00:03:20.060 I am trying to take it easy.

00:03:21.140 So anyways, um, yeah, it's cool.

00:03:22.640 It's always better to do these in person.

00:03:23.840 So glad we could do it, man.

00:03:25.260 We're doing a, uh, ask me anything for the guys who don't know.

00:03:28.160 So I think we're fielding some questions from the Facebook, Facebook group today.

00:03:31.640 Yeah.

00:03:32.260 By the way, I think we are, if I did my math correctly, come the month of September, that's been four years since we've done the four years.

00:03:44.840 Dang.

00:03:45.360 That's great.

00:03:45.920 Uh, I was talking with somebody.

00:03:47.160 They had calculated how many shows we've done all the shows, interviews, AMA, Friday field notes.

00:03:52.640 And it's like 940.

00:03:55.080 So we're fast approaching a thousand episodes, which is really cool to think.

00:03:58.940 Yeah, it is crazy.

00:03:59.860 Yeah.

00:04:00.180 Cool.

00:04:00.540 Cool.

00:04:01.020 All right, man.

00:04:01.420 Well, let's get into it.

00:04:02.220 All right.

00:04:02.480 So we're fielding these questions from Facebook.

00:04:04.880 Uh, if you're not a member of our Facebook group, uh, please join us.

00:04:08.320 Facebook.com slash group slash order, man, Kevin Cassidy.

00:04:12.320 I'm currently a BJJ white belt.

00:04:14.320 When should I start expanding into something like Muay Thai or boxing?

00:04:19.180 The second part of my question is what's better to learn first striking boxing or Muay Thai.

00:04:26.260 So what's better to learn for striking boxing or Muay Thai.

00:04:29.360 I'd like to learn some over striking to go along with my grappling.

00:04:32.860 So first question, when should he start expanding into something like Muay Thai and boxing and

00:04:38.600 which is better, which would, which one's better?

00:04:41.300 Um, I, you would probably know better on this, but I'll answer first and then you can tell

00:04:45.320 me if I'm right or wrong.

00:04:46.260 Okay.

00:04:46.900 So share my opinion.

00:04:48.240 I don't know if it's right or wrong.

00:04:49.360 Well, yeah.

00:04:50.460 Okay.

00:04:50.720 So with, when should you expand?

00:04:53.040 If you're a white belt, you really even have, you haven't really even started jujitsu yet.

00:04:57.740 Yeah.

00:04:57.940 I mean, you're, you know, you're doing some technique, you're kind of flailing around on

00:05:01.860 the ground with other people, but you're not really doing jujitsu.

00:05:05.560 I don't think yet.

00:05:06.360 No, I think you're thinking too much still.

00:05:08.760 Yeah.

00:05:09.040 You're still like, what should I do?

00:05:10.500 I don't know.

00:05:11.140 Right.

00:05:11.440 And, and you're even thinking, let alone thinking not what to do.

00:05:14.980 To me, it's like when you say, well, I'm a white belt and I'm thinking about maybe doing

00:05:20.360 Muay Thai or boxing, it would be like doing algebra and not really knowing algebra.

00:05:26.020 And you're like, well, maybe I'll start calculus too.

00:05:28.220 It's like, well, maybe you should get algebra under your belt first.

00:05:31.640 And I don't think, I actually think jujitsu is probably harder than Muay Thai or boxing

00:05:37.400 because there's so much else involved above and beyond striking.

00:05:42.420 Boxing is, and I'm not trying to diminish the martial art, but boxing, you're using your

00:05:47.160 fists.

00:05:47.620 That's it.

00:05:48.260 Yes.

00:05:48.620 There's feet work and there's, there's stuff, right?

00:05:51.540 Muay Thai.

00:05:52.200 Yeah.

00:05:54.100 Fists, elbows, knees, legs.

00:05:57.460 And then jujitsu is everything.

00:06:00.340 Like Jocko is teaching us a thing today, a reverse arm bar.

00:06:05.220 And we were going through that and he's like, look at my foot right here.

00:06:07.620 And he had his foot like hooked under somebody's armpit.

00:06:09.900 He's like, I have this as an active foot.

00:06:11.900 If it's sloppy, I can't pull them in.

00:06:13.300 If it's active and so you think you're just getting in a guy at an arm bar, but he's got

00:06:17.160 his toes flexed in a certain way.

00:06:19.020 And so jujitsu is probably more like calculus in that, in that scenario.

00:06:25.240 All I'm saying is you haven't even started yet.

00:06:28.140 So why are you thinking about doing something else?

00:06:29.960 Totally.

00:06:30.520 Okay.

00:06:30.700 So that's my point on that.

00:06:31.900 So the second point is what is better for striking?

00:06:36.940 I would say Muay Thai.

00:06:38.500 Yeah.

00:06:39.100 Because you have more weapons.

00:06:41.160 If you learn to box, you're going to learn to throw fists.

00:06:43.300 Which is good.

00:06:44.300 Yeah.

00:06:44.580 But what if you could throw fists, elbows, knees, shins, feet?

00:06:50.020 You have more at your disposal.

00:06:51.720 So I think if you're going to learn a martial art, a striking martial art, give yourself

00:06:56.360 the greatest amount of weapons.

00:06:58.440 And that's Muay Thai over boxing.

00:07:00.620 Totally.

00:07:01.020 That's my thought anyways.

00:07:01.860 Yeah.

00:07:02.060 And I guess it goes back to the old age.

00:07:04.880 What are you wanting to accomplish?

00:07:06.560 Right.

00:07:06.740 And so if we're thinking self-defense, it's like, okay, well, narrowing, narrowing your

00:07:12.060 self-defense to a boxing stance that has the, the constraints of rules of boxing.

00:07:19.340 Right.

00:07:19.480 And we'll probably break your hand on a street fight anyway.

00:07:23.480 It's like, oh, well, Muay Thai, you know, like for instance, if you, if we, if I got

00:07:27.960 in a fight and I reverse someone and we're on the ground and I'm going to throw like a

00:07:31.740 Hail Mary, like a ground and pound, I would not be throwing hands if we're on top of concrete.

00:07:36.080 Yeah.

00:07:36.880 Right.

00:07:37.180 He moves his head to the side.

00:07:38.080 I'm busted my hand.

00:07:39.080 Yeah.

00:07:39.340 What am I going to do?

00:07:40.160 I'm going to use my elbow and strike against his face.

00:07:42.960 Yeah.

00:07:43.760 Perfect for Muay Thai.

00:07:44.840 Right.

00:07:45.080 So that I feel the same way.

00:07:46.640 I think Muay Thai's cover so many aspects of fighting that it's, it's common.

00:07:53.300 How's this Muay Thai is more commonly showing up in the UFC than boxing does.

00:07:59.400 Of course.

00:07:59.760 Now don't get me wrong.

00:08:00.620 Boxers are amazing.

00:08:02.100 Sure.

00:08:02.340 And there's their benefit to that.

00:08:03.740 But Muay Thai has, to your point, way more weapons and more versatility to it.

00:08:08.780 That would benefit you.

00:08:09.720 I think.

00:08:10.120 I also think it is what you see, right?

00:08:13.560 So a lot of times guys will think that they're going to rise to some, you know, occasion if

00:08:19.640 they're in a street fight.

00:08:21.100 Well, if you haven't seen somebody throw a fist at you, you're probably not going to be able

00:08:24.460 to defend against it.

00:08:25.700 If you haven't seen somebody try to kick you or knee you or throw an elbow, you're probably

00:08:29.480 not going to be able to, if you haven't experienced somebody trying to wrap their arms around you

00:08:33.480 and choke you or grab your arm or even just grab your wrist.

00:08:36.580 Like if you've never had your wrist grabbed like violently by another strong, capable man,

00:08:43.020 you don't know what it's like.

00:08:44.400 You think you do, but you don't know what it's like.

00:08:46.960 Try to control your body.

00:08:48.160 Yeah.

00:08:48.480 You will never know what that is until you feel it.

00:08:51.060 And so when I think about being in a street fight, if I'm a boxer and all I do is box

00:08:57.540 and the guy decides he's going to try to kick me or knee me or take me to the ground.

00:09:02.700 Or hug you.

00:09:03.620 Something.

00:09:04.240 Right.

00:09:04.420 Boxing, you have a ref to separate you.

00:09:06.180 Yeah.

00:09:06.820 And if all I know is how to defend against hands being thrown at me, well, that guy's

00:09:10.920 got a lot more tools.

00:09:11.880 I better be somewhat familiar with those tools.

00:09:13.700 Otherwise I'm going to find myself in a bad way.

00:09:15.900 Totally.

00:09:16.680 So I think if you're, I think it goes in the hierarchy, I would say jujitsu because the

00:09:22.060 average fight does end up on the ground.

00:09:23.920 And I think it's easier to subdue somebody using jujitsu.

00:09:26.880 I wouldn't want to use jujitsu in a street fight because I have to be in close proximity and

00:09:33.200 I have to wrap myself up with somebody and they might have buddies or a knife or firearms.

00:09:38.660 I wouldn't want to use that, but I think it's the most versatile.

00:09:41.840 Yeah.

00:09:42.300 And then I would say Muay Thai because you're giving yourself more options.

00:09:45.540 Yeah.

00:09:45.720 I totally agree.

00:09:46.380 Jocko uses this illustration that I've totally latched onto.

00:09:51.380 And I mentioned it, I think last week or the week before with Sean, like he uses the analogy

00:09:57.140 of the, the best martial or the best defense, right.

00:10:00.800 To a street fight is walk away.

00:10:02.580 Yeah.

00:10:03.100 Right.

00:10:03.400 Yeah.

00:10:03.540 Walk away, run away, disengage.

00:10:05.820 Don't get into the fight.

00:10:07.120 Well, if the guy squares up, like he's going to box me, what do I do?

00:10:11.500 I just leave.

00:10:12.580 Yeah.

00:10:12.980 It's not a big deal.

00:10:13.900 Right.

00:10:14.120 Like walk away.

00:10:15.560 However, where jujitsu comes into play is if they hold me and they're not letting me

00:10:21.220 escape.

00:10:22.120 Right.

00:10:22.640 And I'm being forced to engage.

00:10:25.260 Obviously close encounters, jujitsu all of a sudden becomes a superior martial art from

00:10:29.980 that perspective.

00:10:30.880 The only other thing that crosses my mind and Kevin, I know your questions about BJJ white

00:10:35.520 belt, but I just have to, I see the correlation here, right?

00:10:39.080 We, and Kevin, we're going to beat you up a little bit.

00:10:41.620 So, you know, hang tight here, but you know, when should I expand?

00:10:44.900 I'm a white belt.

00:10:45.580 I think we do this in life.

00:10:48.080 Like this is so common.

00:10:49.680 You know, we, we have a position, we have opportunities that are on our lap right now

00:10:54.480 that we can take on in life.

00:10:56.360 And what are we doing?

00:10:57.480 We're looking over the horizon.

00:10:59.360 Ooh, uh, how do I get that promotion?

00:11:01.800 How do I, how do I level up?

00:11:03.880 How do I, you know, get higher compensation?

00:11:06.540 How do I, how do I, how do I versus like, well, shit, dude, are you embracing what you

00:11:11.520 have right now?

00:11:12.660 Are you killing with the opportunities placed before you?

00:11:15.860 And, and I'm sure you would agree.

00:11:17.220 It's like you do that.

00:11:18.620 Those other things will work out.

00:11:20.340 But if you're the person thinking that like, oh, well, once I have X, then it's, if you're,

00:11:27.000 if it's not B, do have, if it's have, and then I'll be, I think you're looking at it wrong.

00:11:32.480 And, and B, do have is who am I being right now?

00:11:37.000 Right.

00:11:37.440 And then what are the results?

00:11:38.520 So am I taking advantage of the opportunities placed before me?

00:11:41.780 Agreed.

00:11:42.740 Yeah.

00:11:42.980 All right.

00:11:44.200 David Norman, what, what two questions would you ask to get the most information about

00:11:50.480 who a person truly is or what is the biggest waste of a human potential?

00:11:56.920 I don't, I don't know about the question.

00:11:59.680 I would say, look more at behavior than asking people questions.

00:12:03.500 Yeah.

00:12:04.060 Because questions can be, you can manipulate the answers to questions, uh, to say the right

00:12:09.440 thing.

00:12:09.740 I can look, I can, if you're asking me a question, I know what you're asking and I

00:12:12.900 can massage my answer based on what I think you want to hear.

00:12:16.040 Totally.

00:12:16.560 But your behavior is going to be infinitely harder to fabricate.

00:12:21.120 So if you really want to know somebody, look at their behavior, even look at the results.

00:12:25.380 What are they producing in their lives?

00:12:26.680 If it's favorable, then, you know, okay, well, there's something if they're, if they're

00:12:29.660 an amazing family man, for example, you can be pretty certain that that's a, that's a

00:12:34.480 value of theirs.

00:12:35.280 Yeah.

00:12:35.680 If, if they're a great business person, then you can be fairly certain that this guy is

00:12:41.400 an entrepreneur or, you know, he's got some business or financial acumen and there's something

00:12:46.660 to be said for that.

00:12:47.500 So yeah, just, just look for behavior.

00:12:49.440 That's significantly better.

00:12:50.700 Just to give David a little bit of, um, maybe what he might be looking for, or maybe just

00:12:56.980 let me add to his questions.

00:12:58.300 How about like an interview though, where, where I, I may not be able to get as much

00:13:03.280 like watching their behavior.

00:13:04.660 I have an hour of questions that I could ask this person.

00:13:07.660 Right.

00:13:07.840 But you can talk about their past behavior and have them talk about that.

00:13:12.600 Right.

00:13:12.620 So if I'm interviewing you, I might say, what was your hardest job?

00:13:16.580 Yeah.

00:13:17.500 And, and you're going to say, well, it was this, you know, whatever this consulting job.

00:13:21.040 I had this stupid boss.

00:13:22.520 Yeah.

00:13:22.760 Yeah.

00:13:23.040 Yeah.

00:13:23.240 Yeah.

00:13:23.380 Right.

00:13:23.660 And so that's why I left because he's so difficult to deal with.

00:13:26.340 Yeah.

00:13:26.520 Yeah.

00:13:26.840 So that's, that, that to me is a red flag.

00:13:29.780 Yeah.

00:13:30.340 Uh, and, and, and then I say, okay, so that was your hardest job.

00:13:33.300 What was the most difficult thing about it?

00:13:35.760 Yeah.

00:13:37.020 And then I just shut up and listen.

00:13:38.580 And then I ask, what did you do about it?

00:13:41.980 How did you overcome that or whatever?

00:13:44.180 Well, I quit.

00:13:45.240 Yeah.

00:13:45.760 Oh, okay.

00:13:46.160 Or, um, I actually just started to understand what he wanted.

00:13:50.360 I, I, I asked him questions and we actually became, you know, really good business.

00:13:54.920 And he's still a friend today.

00:13:56.160 Hmm.

00:13:56.620 Interesting.

00:13:57.060 Overcame, had some empathy, understood, took ownership.

00:13:59.620 Yeah.

00:13:59.900 Yeah.

00:14:00.400 So I, I think you can look at behavior.

00:14:02.800 There's a funny phrase in the financial planning world, which is my background.

00:14:06.140 And the phrase goes, uh, past performance is not a predictor of future results.

00:14:12.600 Meaning that if a particular stock did 10% last year, it doesn't guarantee it's going to

00:14:17.040 do 10% this year.

00:14:18.140 Well, that's not true in human behavior.

00:14:20.720 Yeah.

00:14:21.040 Yes.

00:14:21.360 People can change and we do.

00:14:22.720 And, and we all have ways to, to, to change and improve.

00:14:25.780 I'm, I'm in the midst of that right now.

00:14:28.040 More so than I've been in the past, you know, personally.

00:14:30.620 Uh, so yes, we can change, but also unless somebody is actively working to change and they

00:14:37.460 actually have, I'll get to that in a second.

00:14:39.660 Cause they actually have to have plans in place.

00:14:41.360 Yeah.

00:14:41.780 Then you can be fairly certain that they're not going to change.

00:14:44.240 Yeah.

00:14:44.520 But even when it comes to somebody who's changing and trying to evolve and grow and

00:14:49.200 get better and learn more about themselves, that's all lip service.

00:14:53.900 Like, Oh, I'm trying to improve.

00:14:55.040 I'm trying to get better.

00:14:55.600 I'm trying to do this.

00:14:56.200 I'm trying to look at their behavior.

00:14:57.900 So what are you doing?

00:14:58.640 Yeah.

00:14:58.800 So it's behavior.

00:14:59.440 Now look, here's the thing about change and growth and evolution is it takes time, right?

00:15:06.960 So if I, if I change my behaviors around a certain activity or, um, a certain value system

00:15:14.220 or, or whatever it might be, the results are a lagging indicator.

00:15:18.740 So it might take me a month or six months or a year or 10 years to actually yield the results

00:15:26.660 from those behaviors.

00:15:27.800 Totally.

00:15:28.360 A great example is in the fitness world.

00:15:30.440 If you've been eating like garbage and you don't work out and you go work out, you know,

00:15:34.600 you're probably going to lose some weight pretty quickly, but then it's going to be the law

00:15:38.820 of diminishing returns.

00:15:39.640 And you really have to put in a lot of effort, uh, in order to build those results.

00:15:44.280 You might be doing the exact right thing, but not experiencing those results today.

00:15:49.600 So when it comes to people changing, you have to look at what they're doing.

00:15:53.600 Like, okay, are you actually doing the things that are going to yield the results?

00:15:59.600 Um, I don't know.

00:16:01.640 I mean, you just have to look at it.

00:16:03.080 That's, that's so spot on.

00:16:04.600 I mean, I think about like one of the biggest changes in my life is when I, when I got divorced

00:16:09.660 and, and there was a major change in who and how I showed up, but the results of that

00:16:16.120 changed person.

00:16:16.880 Um, I saw no results of that for a really long time, like five plus years, because how

00:16:24.720 did, how was I still perceived by my ex-wife?

00:16:27.440 How was I still perceived by other people was quote unquote, the old me.

00:16:32.360 And they're not going to all of a sudden, oh, he's a changed person.

00:16:35.420 It's like, no, like it takes evidence.

00:16:37.700 They need reassurance.

00:16:39.040 You need consistency.

00:16:40.820 And, and I don't think I kind of reaped the results of those changes in my life, like

00:16:46.140 for probably five years, you know, and it was very difficult to constantly be drudged

00:16:51.580 back in my past.

00:16:52.640 Like, oh, you this.

00:16:53.600 And I'm like, not anymore.

00:16:55.280 Not anymore.

00:16:56.020 Not, it was like, if it sounded like a broken record, but yep, sorry.

00:16:59.120 You know what?

00:16:59.540 I'll own that.

00:17:01.360 And constantly just be drudged through my past.

00:17:03.960 Despite the fact that, uh, that I was different.

00:17:06.160 Right.

00:17:06.900 Yeah.

00:17:07.680 Yeah.

00:17:08.120 Sometimes it takes, it takes time to match the actions or match the results with the

00:17:12.580 actions, which kind of sucks.

00:17:14.460 So David's second question is the biggest waste of human potential.

00:17:18.260 What is the biggest waste?

00:17:20.780 It's kind of an interesting question.

00:17:23.360 I don't know.

00:17:23.700 I mean, I could give the generic answer, which I think is right, but it's just not sexy.

00:17:27.180 It's just, just wasting your life.

00:17:30.460 And I'm not reaching that potential that was available.

00:17:33.420 I don't know.

00:17:34.020 I don't know.

00:17:34.460 I don't know if he's looking for a certain behavior or yeah, there's a lot of, there's,

00:17:38.560 there's laziness, there's addiction, there's, um, uh, you know, bad values.

00:17:44.300 Uh, there's, uh, stealing, there's moral deficiencies.

00:17:49.420 Those are all wastes of human potential.

00:17:51.160 So I don't, I don't, there's a lot to it.

00:17:54.480 I don't, I don't know what it is exactly, but we all kind of know.

00:17:57.260 So I think you're right.

00:17:58.440 Striving, reaching, um, analyzing ourselves, analyzing our own performance.

00:18:02.340 I would suggest that we wait, we do not wait, excuse me, uh, until something catastrophic

00:18:06.920 happens, uh, that we actually get out ahead of it to the degree that we can and really

00:18:11.340 be conscious about the way we're showing up and what we can do to improve.

00:18:15.360 Totally.

00:18:15.760 I mean, one, one thing that comes to mind, I think that I, I, I really feel most people

00:18:22.360 that we're not present to is the lost opportunity and impact on others.

00:18:29.320 What do you mean?

00:18:30.080 Well, I, I feel it's really the default thought process, I think, on these kinds of questions

00:18:36.580 is, oh, I could have been, I could have, I, I, I, when reality, the bigger impact is that

00:18:43.980 other person could have been uplifted by you.

00:18:47.000 Yeah.

00:18:47.520 It could have been better off.

00:18:48.740 Like it's, it's your impact of how you showed up and, and the impact that went missing in

00:18:56.000 those people's lives due to you not showing up to your full potential is probably the bigger

00:19:00.940 waste of potential than really like your own, your own, um, growth, personal growth.

00:19:08.980 You know what I'm saying?

00:19:09.660 I do.

00:19:10.340 And I think I agree with you, but I would, I don't, I'll, I'll contend this way is that

00:19:14.780 you are the most important person.

00:19:17.440 Agreed.

00:19:17.840 But I think we stop at that, right?

00:19:20.240 Like, I think we go like, oh, I didn't, I didn't.

00:19:22.620 And it's like, no, actually the bigger impact, don't get me wrong.

00:19:25.620 That impact of being an amazing father wasn't made, was made possible by you showing up as

00:19:31.660 a man.

00:19:32.240 Right.

00:19:32.880 But sometimes we forget the, the service and the love and the care that goes absent when

00:19:39.480 we don't level up.

00:19:41.760 Yeah.

00:19:42.440 And it's generational too.

00:19:44.200 Yeah.

00:19:44.660 Right.

00:19:44.900 So if, if somebody in your care changes their life because you were around that person's

00:19:50.620 going to change their future spouse or their future children, somebody they, you know, come

00:19:56.240 in contact with.

00:19:58.540 So, yeah, I, I think we're on the same page, but in order to do that, you need to maximize

00:20:03.900 your own potential.

00:20:04.740 Like you really need to take care of yourself and you need to figure out where you're deficient,

00:20:09.700 where you're struggling and work to improve it.

00:20:12.600 Do you want a cheesy question from Chris or should we skip it?

00:20:15.940 No.

00:20:16.220 Yeah.

00:20:16.580 Sure.

00:20:16.720 Sorry, Chris.

00:20:17.300 This is a cheesy question.

00:20:18.080 What is it?

00:20:18.580 Now everyone wants to hear it.

00:20:19.680 Now I want to know it.

00:20:20.020 If you could interview any man in history, if I could interview any person dead or alive,

00:20:27.160 who would it be?

00:20:28.820 I mean, Washington would be awesome.

00:20:31.040 We were talking about him earlier.

00:20:33.180 Theodore Roosevelt would be awesome.

00:20:35.540 Even like this, this is going to be bad.

00:20:37.880 Hitler would be interesting.

00:20:39.460 Yeah.

00:20:39.880 Like to sit down with Hitler and talk with him.

00:20:42.280 That would be fascinating.

00:20:43.800 Yeah.

00:20:44.040 Jesus Christ.

00:20:45.480 Yeah.

00:20:45.880 Totally.

00:20:46.100 Sit down with Jesus Christ.

00:20:47.320 Yeah.

00:20:47.500 Moses.

00:20:48.060 What would that look like?

00:20:48.920 Like, you know, like there's so many characters that you could talk with both good and bad.

00:20:54.260 That would be, you know, I said Hitler and then Christ.

00:20:56.560 Like I would talk with both of them and I'd be like super interested in having conversations with both.

00:21:02.120 Yeah.

00:21:03.560 There you go.

00:21:04.260 But it doesn't matter.

00:21:05.000 You can learn something from everybody.

00:21:06.720 That's the thing that we need to be aware of is you can learn something from everybody.

00:21:09.740 We're here with what?

00:21:10.600 Three, four, 500 guys.

00:21:12.200 And we're going to have hundreds and hundreds of conversations,

00:21:14.400 thousands of conversations over the next five days.

00:21:16.440 And if you just talk with anybody, you're going to learn something.

00:21:21.780 You're going to walk away with something.

00:21:23.120 If you go with an attitude and an open mind and wanting to learn and wanting to hear from other people and let them share their wisdom and impart that upon you, you're going to learn stuff.

00:21:31.260 Yeah.

00:21:31.720 It doesn't matter who it is.

00:21:32.760 Jacob Lowry, I'm currently going through the process of medically chaptering out of the army.

00:21:43.840 He got hurt or he has an illness or an injury that's keeping him from performing his duty.

00:21:47.660 So he's getting medically discharged, it sounds like.

00:21:50.100 Okay.

00:21:50.700 My fiance and I are planning to move to Knoxville, Tennessee, but are hesitant to purchase a home in the current climate, but also feel like it's a waste of money to throw it into an apartment for rent.

00:22:01.040 From a financial perspective, would it be better to rent and wait for the housing market to settle or buy now with the potential of it only getting worse?

00:22:09.180 I appreciate everything that you guys do.

00:22:11.060 God bless.

00:22:12.040 Well, I just think it matters what your personal financial situation is.

00:22:14.900 It has less to do with it because think about it.

00:22:17.720 If you're not wanting to buy a home right now because of the market and you're thinking, well, you know, it's a waste of money to rent.

00:22:28.740 Well, it's a waste of money to buy a $500,000 home that's really only worth $250,000.

00:22:34.960 You're wasting $250,000.

00:22:36.840 So what's the greater waste that you waste 20 grand over the next 12 to 15 months on rent, or you waste $250,000 the minute you buy your house because the market crashes.

00:22:48.360 So that's a consideration.

00:22:50.160 Like when you say I'm wasting money, you have to say compared to what?

00:22:55.180 Like you're trying to compare two options.

00:22:56.820 I think renting is a waste of money.

00:22:58.700 Compared to what?

00:23:00.300 Compared to buying a house that's for sale for two times more than it probably actually is worse?

00:23:05.220 No, that isn't a waste of money.

00:23:07.640 So you actually have to look at what you're comparing it to.

00:23:10.600 The other thing I would say is what's your financial situation?

00:23:13.380 If you are struggling financially, I mean, you're leaving the military.

00:23:18.380 Like I don't know what your job situation is.

00:23:20.160 I don't know what money you have set in the bank account.

00:23:22.120 I don't know what your wife does or your fiance.

00:23:25.740 I don't know your financial situation.

00:23:27.860 But if finances are a struggle and they might be and you have a medical condition, is that going to keep you from other employment?

00:23:34.220 Like there's a lot of questions here.

00:23:35.400 You may not even have the option to go buy a house right now.

00:23:37.460 And if you did, because a mortgage company is going to lend you money on it, because it's like 2008 all over again.

00:23:42.480 We didn't learn our lesson 14 years ago.

00:23:47.360 You're just going to put yourself in a bad spot.

00:23:49.880 But if you're in the position and you have the money and you have enough for a down payment, you find a good deal and you find a home and you think you'll be there for a while.

00:23:55.200 Or at least hold on to that property for a while, then, yeah, that could be a completely viable option.

00:24:00.800 I just, it's like D, not enough information.

00:24:03.540 Yeah.

00:24:04.000 I don't know.

00:24:05.060 I wish I had a better answer, but those are some considerations.

00:24:08.080 I think those are fair, actually.

00:24:10.100 Kenny Ridley, new listener.

00:24:11.760 Thanks for all you do.

00:24:41.760 Two under four.

00:24:42.880 Is that what he said?

00:24:43.540 Yeah.

00:24:43.780 Two boys under four, tight, both working, barely making the bills.

00:24:48.260 And it sounds like the stress is like they're going to get older and want to play sports.

00:24:51.800 And how do you pull it off?

00:24:53.500 And they are.

00:24:54.200 And you're also going to start making more money.

00:24:56.940 Yeah.

00:24:57.180 You know, so what I would suggest to you now is to be as frugal as you possibly can with your finances so that you're not accruing and acquiring more debt and depreciating assets.

00:25:08.800 Assets or, yeah, they're not even assets.

00:25:11.180 I wouldn't even call that an asset.

00:25:12.120 It's just costs.

00:25:13.260 Yeah.

00:25:13.780 Depreciating things, right?

00:25:15.460 Yeah.

00:25:16.160 So don't do that.

00:25:17.600 Don't get into consumer debt.

00:25:19.060 Like, handle your money correctly now.

00:25:22.080 And then as your income goes up, and it will, like, I don't know how old you are, but you're probably in your mid-20s maybe or something.

00:25:29.160 Yeah.

00:25:29.540 If I had to guess.

00:25:30.400 But, yeah, I mean, you're probably not making a lot right now, but maybe you're going to school or maybe you're moving up in your career.

00:25:37.840 And, you know, when I was in my mid-20s, I was making not very much money.

00:25:42.340 My wife wasn't working at the time.

00:25:44.980 And, you know, now I make pretty good money.

00:25:47.320 But I'm 41 years old.

00:25:48.360 That was, you know, 15 years.

00:25:50.300 Yeah.

00:25:50.520 15, 16 years ago.

00:25:51.480 So your income earning potential is going to go up.

00:25:53.860 But the best way to maximize that and leverage that as the boys get older is to make sure that you're not making stupid financial decisions now.

00:26:01.760 By acquiring debt, by picking up things you don't need.

00:26:05.100 People do it all the time.

00:26:07.560 Just live within your means for now.

00:26:09.360 Know that you're going through a season.

00:26:11.400 I do like the idea of leaning on family and friends to help, not with finances necessarily, unless that's a necessity.

00:26:16.680 But to, hey, can you watch the kids this afternoon on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I have to work.

00:26:23.120 And, you know, those are moments.

00:26:25.200 Those are seasons that you'll have to go through.

00:26:27.320 So make good decisions in this season.

00:26:29.060 And as the seasons change, you'll be better equipped to deal with those changes.

00:26:33.380 Yeah.

00:26:33.580 And I don't know about your community, but, like, you sign up for sports through a local rec center and other community sports.

00:26:42.860 You can do those pretty cheap, on the cheap.

00:26:47.620 And so you certainly have some options to kind of make that happen.

00:26:51.460 Yeah.

00:26:51.580 Can I just say this, man?

00:26:52.600 I feel for Kenny.

00:26:55.380 Let me say it this way, Kenny.

00:26:56.600 We've been there.

00:26:57.720 I, like, read this question and I think back.

00:27:01.360 Everybody's been there.

00:27:02.160 And I was like, oh, those are stressful times, man.

00:27:05.380 They are.

00:27:05.580 So just kind of, you know, don't settle and go, oh, just time will take care of it.

00:27:10.560 So, like, get after it and get in a better financial position.

00:27:13.780 But also realize, like, so many of us have been there.

00:27:16.700 We've been in the tough circumstance where it's hard to make bills meet.

00:27:20.600 Just keep with it.

00:27:24.100 You'll figure it out.

00:27:25.320 You will.

00:27:25.900 It's like, I wish I could say, oh, it's the formula is A, B, C, D.

00:27:30.780 And it kind of is.

00:27:32.600 But a lot of it is just being patient.

00:27:35.180 Yeah.

00:27:35.540 And letting it play out.

00:27:36.840 And you're going to get a promotion or at some point a job opportunity is going to present itself.

00:27:40.960 And you're going to make 30% more than you're making right now.

00:27:43.880 And what most people do is they're like, oh, great.

00:27:45.600 30% more.

00:27:46.320 Now I can buy that car on the boat.

00:27:47.520 Well, that's your mistake.

00:27:48.760 Yeah.

00:27:49.020 Now you're still poor.

00:27:49.820 Now you're still where you were when you were 25.

00:27:52.460 Yeah.

00:27:52.760 If instead you got the 30% raise, you said, hey, you know, we've acquired a little consumer debt.

00:27:56.480 Let's get that paid down.

00:27:58.100 And let's stash a little money aside for us and for the boys in a rainy day.

00:28:02.500 Those are smart decisions.

00:28:03.620 And those are the decisions that are going to put you in the position that you are financially

00:28:07.140 and that I am financially now by making those smart decisions.

00:28:10.520 Pay the price.

00:28:11.300 Because most people just exacerbate the problem.

00:28:13.780 And then they live like they lived when they were 25 forever.

00:28:17.220 Yeah, with just a nicer car.

00:28:19.300 Yeah.

00:28:19.740 Yeah.

00:28:20.280 And the same level of stress, if not more.

00:28:22.640 Yeah.

00:28:23.340 Yeah.

00:28:24.800 Maybe it's good that I'm getting older.

00:28:27.160 It's nice in a lot of ways.

00:28:28.540 Yeah.

00:28:28.660 Like you're more mature.

00:28:29.940 Your finances aren't an issue.

00:28:32.600 You can handle situations better because you have a different mentality behind it.

00:28:37.440 Like in a lot of ways, it is nice.

00:28:40.920 And you're losing time at the same time, you know, which is something that weighs heavy on me from time to time.

00:28:46.580 Totally.

00:28:48.100 Ergos.

00:28:49.260 I promise, guys, that's the spelling.

00:28:50.940 All right.

00:28:51.240 What principles and concepts can be applied to improve at Jiu-Jitsu?

00:28:56.040 Principles and concepts to be applied to improve Jiu-Jitsu.

00:28:59.960 Principles and concepts.

00:29:03.880 I'm trying not to just give a standard answer on that.

00:29:07.080 I would say patience is one.

00:29:08.960 I like it.

00:29:09.720 Because my personality is like, I want everything, all of it right now.

00:29:15.960 I don't want to wait.

00:29:16.820 So, I have to be patient.

00:29:18.320 I have to let things develop.

00:29:19.860 That's important for me.

00:29:22.580 Humility is one where, hey, tap, you got me.

00:29:26.460 Like even today when I was rolling, like I said, it's been the first time I've rolled in three months.

00:29:30.200 And I was rolling with Corey Burke.

00:29:32.080 And Corey's really good.

00:29:33.540 Very technical.

00:29:34.360 Really good.

00:29:35.500 And he got me in a couple positions that I don't think he probably would have been able to close out.

00:29:41.860 Meaning submit me with.

00:29:43.240 Yeah.

00:29:44.060 Because I would have finagled my way through it a little bit.

00:29:46.940 But they were compromising enough where I'm like, I don't even want to toy around with this.

00:29:51.920 Like he had one kind of in a, almost like a Kimura, which I was defending fairly well.

00:29:57.640 But I was like, why am I doing, I don't need to do this.

00:29:59.620 And so, I just tapped.

00:30:00.460 I said, hey man, like you got me.

00:30:02.380 I don't want to do that.

00:30:03.320 Yeah.

00:30:03.760 And like, did he get me?

00:30:06.060 No, not technically.

00:30:07.260 And I don't know that he would have, but I don't want to hurt myself.

00:30:11.520 Yeah.

00:30:11.800 And so, I'm like, hey, tap, like let me just reset with you.

00:30:14.400 Totally.

00:30:14.660 And, you know, so having that humility is going to be big.

00:30:17.720 I know a lot of big, strong guys that are athletic and pride themselves on being athletic and tough.

00:30:23.900 And they go to jiu-jitsu and then they never come back because they're so fragile.

00:30:28.440 They're like, they can't stand being beat up and being humiliated by guys that are 50 pounds less than them.

00:30:34.180 So, they never come back.

00:30:35.340 I'm like, man, I thought that guy was tough.

00:30:36.880 And they're not.

00:30:37.780 They're weak.

00:30:38.620 They're physically strong, but mentally weak.

00:30:41.620 And to your point, it also hinders your development because if you're going in with ego, then it's like, okay, well, I'm never going to get tapped.

00:30:52.520 So, what are you going to do?

00:30:54.380 Well, I'm never going to try that one move, right?

00:30:56.600 I'm not going to ever play off this back or get in a compromised position because I don't want to lose.

00:31:01.960 Well, if you're not willing to get tapped and lose and be humbled, then you're not going to try the areas that you're not good at.

00:31:08.300 And then you're just never going to get better at it.

00:31:10.020 I admire about your game is you all, even in this camp, you always come with something I've never seen before or something kind of unorthodox or unique.

00:31:18.800 And I'm like, man, that's pretty cool.

00:31:20.140 How's he doing that?

00:31:20.640 Well, it's because you're, because I'm clean.

00:31:22.440 Yeah.

00:31:22.800 Yeah.

00:31:23.100 Yeah.

00:31:23.420 And you're okay with like, oh, that didn't work.

00:31:25.320 That was stupid.

00:31:26.280 Yeah.

00:31:26.800 And I haven't got to that position yet.

00:31:29.080 Yeah.

00:31:29.360 And I might just be, maybe it's ego to some degree.

00:31:33.000 Maybe it's, I don't know, maybe it's just learning, right?

00:31:39.780 Like trying to get the basics and the fundamentals.

00:31:41.540 I think you can experiment more when you know the fundamentals.

00:31:43.740 It's kind of like that old artist adage is like, learn the fundamentals of art and then you can learn to break the rules.

00:31:50.240 Totally.

00:31:50.680 But you can't break the rules if you don't know what the rules are.

00:31:53.200 Got it.

00:31:53.860 Yeah.

00:31:54.220 Same with jujitsu.

00:31:55.300 It's, you know, enough rules about jujitsu.

00:31:58.340 And I don't mean like the actual tournament type rules.

00:32:01.640 The principles.

00:32:01.980 Right.

00:32:02.460 Principles.

00:32:03.060 You know, the principles of leverage and these kinds of things.

00:32:07.160 And then once you learn that, you're like, oh, there's an elbow in my face that I didn't realize I could do something with.

00:32:14.320 And then like, what's interesting is all of these more modern moves are named after people.

00:32:21.960 Well, who are they named after?

00:32:23.380 The people that create them.

00:32:24.420 Like I think of like De La Riva, right?

00:32:26.840 That's named after an individual who came up with that.

00:32:30.560 Yeah.

00:32:30.640 And so all of these moves in jujitsu are named after the person who first stumbled into that.

00:32:39.460 And then they've developed that game or develop that strategy.

00:32:42.640 And now that's named after that person.

00:32:44.480 Yeah.

00:32:44.760 Kimora.

00:32:45.300 Kimora.

00:32:45.840 Exactly.

00:32:46.420 All of these.

00:32:47.520 Yeah.

00:32:47.760 Super cool.

00:32:48.440 Yeah.

00:32:48.980 I, I, to sum up that thought, I, when I trained in New York with Vitor Shallan,

00:32:54.780 he has this particular guard break that he would always say to do.

00:32:58.700 And, and, and part of the guard break was standing up and I didn't like it because every single

00:33:04.260 time I'd stand up, I'd get swept and I'd fall on my back and it didn't work.

00:33:08.420 Right.

00:33:08.880 Is what my thought was.

00:33:10.160 Well, for me, that doesn't work.

00:33:11.780 And I remember I was in class, guy had closed guard, Shallan's watching me, right?

00:33:17.220 Cause he's kind of coaching and I try some alternative guard break.

00:33:21.620 He like totally stops the roll.

00:33:23.800 Stop, stop, stop.

00:33:25.200 Why aren't you doing the move I taught you?

00:33:26.920 Um, what'd you say?

00:33:29.200 I'm like, well, because every single time I stand up, I, you know, I ended up getting

00:33:32.940 swept and he's like, and you get swept because you don't try it.

00:33:37.740 He's like, you have to try it constantly over and eventually you won't get swept.

00:33:41.940 Right.

00:33:42.160 But if you're not willing to try the move, then you will never know how to do it with

00:33:46.980 successfully.

00:33:48.020 Yeah.

00:33:48.560 Yeah.

00:33:48.860 I've thought the same thing about like omoplata, which is like the first submission that

00:33:54.120 Matthew Arrington never got me in.

00:33:56.060 Yeah.

00:33:56.460 He has like, what is he doing?

00:33:57.920 And it hurt.

00:33:58.700 That's all I knew.

00:34:00.140 Um, and I'm like, well, this doesn't work.

00:34:02.460 I don't know how to do this.

00:34:03.500 Like I'm, my legs are too short.

00:34:05.180 I don't like, does it work for my body type?

00:34:07.080 Yeah.

00:34:07.400 And then, and, and now I see it better.

00:34:11.840 I can, I'm not great at it, but I see it.

00:34:14.740 I can shoot it.

00:34:15.440 You know, I can try.

00:34:16.460 I can get a little further than I used to.

00:34:19.660 Not because it didn't work before, just because there was one little technique or one little

00:34:24.020 timing issue that I was missing or something that I was missing.

00:34:27.980 And you just got to develop it.

00:34:30.600 Yeah, totally.

00:34:31.640 Man, we could go over so many stuff.

00:34:34.160 Cause like, I even think like as a purple belt, one thing, I was so adamant about a

00:34:41.620 position that I would not let it go.

00:34:45.180 Even if, even if the position transitioned, I would still hold that submission cause I

00:34:52.200 wanted it so badly to hold onto it to a detriment where then I would get caught.

00:34:57.440 You'd get exposed.

00:34:58.220 Yeah.

00:34:58.420 And I wasn't willing to give up what I wanted.

00:35:01.540 Um, even though it was no longer an option.

00:35:03.500 Right.

00:35:04.160 Well, isn't it funny?

00:35:05.160 You like, you do something, this is a life lesson.

00:35:07.120 You do something and it doesn't work.

00:35:11.760 And so you just do it harder.

00:35:15.520 Like we were learning these reverse arm bars today and I, I had got, you know, it's just

00:35:21.220 technique.

00:35:21.680 So I'm the, your, your partner's getting into that, like letting you work it and put himself

00:35:26.380 in that position.

00:35:27.020 And so I grabbed this guy's arm and I'm like crunching and Jock was like, stop, stop, stop,

00:35:30.980 stop.

00:35:31.100 He's like, you could squeeze as hard as you can right now, but there's no gap for you

00:35:36.080 to bend their elbow the wrong way.

00:35:38.140 Cause I was like here and it was like, so like I was fighting against myself cause I was

00:35:42.520 trying to pull their arm down, but it was just on my chest.

00:35:45.160 Your chest is right there.

00:35:47.140 So you have to get your knees up, put a knee on the guy's side of his face and then curl

00:35:52.060 and create a gap where you can bend that elbow down.

00:35:55.140 Yeah.

00:35:55.780 Like squeezing his arm harder.

00:35:57.780 If there's something right there is not going to do the trick, but that's life, right?

00:36:04.320 We do something.

00:36:05.080 We're like, Oh, it's not working.

00:36:06.200 Well, maybe if I do it twice as hard, well, maybe if you don't do it at all, or maybe you

00:36:11.380 should do something different.

00:36:12.380 And I am trying to learn that, you know, even when I was rolling with Corey today, there

00:36:17.320 was something I was doing and I noticed I was doing it harder than I should have to

00:36:21.440 do it.

00:36:21.940 Yeah.

00:36:22.240 I'm like, I don't know why this isn't working.

00:36:24.000 All I know it's not let go, go for something else and then you can evaluate later or even

00:36:29.320 ask him like, that's a great thing.

00:36:30.740 He's like, Hey man, I was trying this thing on you and it wasn't working.

00:36:33.220 And he's like, Oh yeah, because you had my thumb turned the wrong way.

00:36:36.820 Oh, that's right.

00:36:38.060 I forgot about that.

00:36:39.160 Yeah.

00:36:39.560 So totally.

00:36:40.540 Yeah.

00:36:40.940 One last thought I love in the iron council, we'll use this analogy a lot, the lighthouse

00:36:46.840 kind of principle.

00:36:48.420 And, and I think there's a, a jujitsu equivalent and it, and it's that it's easier to move and

00:36:56.180 change yourself than it is to move your opponent.

00:36:58.500 Right.

00:36:59.120 Right.

00:36:59.520 And, and so much of like making space, let's say like in a guard, a shrimp is doing what?

00:37:06.240 Creating a boundary and a frame against your opponent and you moving you.

00:37:11.100 Right.

00:37:11.360 Not moving them.

00:37:13.440 And, and that principle shows up in jujitsu a lot where I'll think I'm muscling.

00:37:20.100 I'm like, Oh, I'm trying to move them.

00:37:21.300 Oh, no, no.

00:37:21.900 I don't need to move them.

00:37:22.980 I need to create space.

00:37:24.700 And sometimes it's easier.

00:37:26.300 That space that needs to be created is easier by me creating a boundary against them and me

00:37:31.600 moving away from them versus trying to move them away from me.

00:37:35.120 And the problem with trying to move again, we're talking about jujitsu, but life really

00:37:38.780 we're trying to move somebody else is eventually you're going to come across a guy like Matthew

00:37:43.080 Errington.

00:37:43.720 Yeah.

00:37:44.220 It's like, I'm not moving.

00:37:45.600 I'm not moving.

00:37:46.580 There's no way.

00:37:47.360 Now Kip, with all due respect, I can actually move you.

00:37:50.940 Yeah.

00:37:51.320 Right.

00:37:51.600 I can move.

00:37:52.080 Yep.

00:37:52.560 But the problem with that is you're going to exploit that.

00:37:55.820 Yep.

00:37:56.160 Cause now you've, I'm going to extend myself out and expose Matthew.

00:37:59.680 If I go with against Matthew, I'm going to try to push him and I'm going to gas myself

00:38:02.920 out and he can exploit cause he's technical.

00:38:05.080 So with him, he's so big and strong.

00:38:07.000 It's like, no, that's not happening.

00:38:08.780 But with you, where I can actually move you, you're going to let me move you to exploit

00:38:14.820 my extension in this negative space I created in my game.

00:38:18.720 And that's what we do in life.

00:38:20.160 We come across a big oak tree and we're like, just keep pushing hard.

00:38:24.480 It's like, it's not going to go.

00:38:26.500 It's not going to go.

00:38:28.000 Or, or you push hard against somebody else and they're like, yeah, go ahead, go ahead,

00:38:32.260 go ahead.

00:38:32.800 I still slip you and you're, you're down on the face.

00:38:35.800 Or I still have my agency.

00:38:37.540 Yeah.

00:38:37.720 Try to move me all you want, Ryan.

00:38:39.260 Yeah.

00:38:39.640 But I'm going to make my own decisions.

00:38:41.840 Yeah.

00:38:42.040 They dig in.

00:38:43.060 Yeah.

00:38:43.520 Cause it's going to be their call.

00:38:46.940 Neil Bosworth.

00:38:49.080 What are some examples of tactics for connection and calibration and how are they measured?

00:38:54.760 Condition and contribution are reasonably easily, easily to plan and measure, but I'm struggling

00:39:00.260 with setting trackable objectives with clear checkpoints for the others.

00:39:04.080 Thanks for all you guys do.

00:39:05.740 So what he's referring to is four quadrants of life that we've identified.

00:39:09.780 So it's calibration, which is getting right with yourself.

00:39:13.040 That's mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

00:39:16.300 There's connection, which is the relationships you have with other people.

00:39:19.120 There's condition, which is your physical fitness, your nutrition, your diet, all that

00:39:23.220 kind of stuff.

00:39:23.920 And then there's contribution, which is becoming a man of value, you know, adding more value

00:39:28.400 than you extract.

00:39:30.060 So he was asking about connection and calibration.

00:39:34.300 Okay.

00:39:34.620 Let's talk about connection because connection is easier.

00:39:36.680 I think, uh, connect, here's the best thing you can do a project together.

00:39:43.100 So one example that you've used in the past, although it's not a project is you and your

00:39:47.900 wife train together because you're going to go run an event, whether it's a Ragnar or a

00:39:53.720 bike race or triathlon or whatever it might be, you're going to do that together.

00:39:56.500 And in the pursuit and the accomplishment of that thing, you get closer.

00:40:03.020 Yeah.

00:40:03.580 There's sacrifice that's made for each other.

00:40:05.580 There's opportunities to communicate.

00:40:06.880 There's presence.

00:40:07.600 They're spending time together.

00:40:08.820 So that's really powerful.

00:40:10.960 Uh, I've, I've done things with my kids.

00:40:13.160 Uh, start the store is one.

00:40:15.220 Um, I'm, I'm going to help my, my second son with some coding that he really wants to

00:40:20.260 do.

00:40:20.600 Cool.

00:40:20.940 And so we can go through courses in coding and then he can develop his own website or do

00:40:24.980 web design.

00:40:25.700 It's a very tangible thing, but in those moments are opportunities to talk and connect

00:40:30.680 and be there coaching a sports team.

00:40:33.420 Hey, I'm going to coach my son's football team, or maybe you're not even coaching, but

00:40:37.880 you want to help him with the season.

00:40:39.680 So you take half an hour every day before practice to throw catch or take snaps or to

00:40:45.180 run routes or whatever he might be doing.

00:40:47.080 So the way that you make the connection tangible is by putting a project or some sort of goal

00:40:54.900 accomplished accomplishment around it, knowing that in the moments that you're preparing

00:40:58.960 for that thing, you're going to connect on a deeper level.

00:41:01.240 I like that.

00:41:02.120 So that, that's what I would say there.

00:41:03.760 Uh, calibration is the next one.

00:41:06.000 Uh, yeah, that, that one is a little trickier because again, it's getting right with yourself

00:41:09.700 mentally, spiritually, emotionally, but also you could do a course on that.

00:41:12.960 Uh, so for example, a lot of guys want to become more spiritual and a great way to do

00:41:17.400 that is to, to pray and to read the scriptures.

00:41:20.000 And so what I might suggest in that is hypothetically read the Bible in 90 days.

00:41:25.720 Yeah.

00:41:26.240 My goal is to read the Bible in 90 days.

00:41:28.100 And in 90 days, if you read the Bible in 90 days, I promise you, you're going to get

00:41:32.740 closer to God.

00:41:33.640 Yeah.

00:41:34.080 Like, how could you not?

00:41:35.380 You're going to be more spiritual.

00:41:36.900 You're going to learn things you've never learned before or never heard before or never

00:41:39.780 even acknowledged before.

00:41:40.820 Uh, you're in, and add to that praying, right?

00:41:44.260 So I'm going to read the Bible in 90 days and I'm going to pray every day as a tactic.

00:41:47.180 So I'm going to read for, um, uh, a half an hour every day.

00:41:51.520 And then I'm going to pray in the morning and at night, you're going to get closer to

00:41:55.600 God.

00:41:56.340 Uh, maybe it's, um, here's another one for fleshing out your own thoughts.

00:42:02.800 Write a book.

00:42:04.080 Yeah.

00:42:05.260 Right.

00:42:05.520 Just write a book.

00:42:06.300 What do I write about your life?

00:42:08.220 Just write about your life.

00:42:09.560 Hey, in 90 days, I'm going to write a little memoir about, and I'm going to take, uh, I'm

00:42:16.220 going to take, let's see, let's say you're 40 years old and you just write it one deck,

00:42:20.940 uh, one decade at a time.

00:42:21.980 So it's got four parts.

00:42:24.180 It's got zero to 10, 10 to 20, 20 to 30, 30 to 40.

00:42:29.000 And you just talk about your life in 90 days.

00:42:31.780 You may never release it.

00:42:32.940 You may never publish it.

00:42:34.160 You may never put it on Amazon or make any money from it.

00:42:37.060 But I promise you in the process of writing your memoir, which is basically just journaling,

00:42:41.800 uh, you're going to find out a lot about yourself and you're going to flesh out some ideas that

00:42:47.280 need to be worked through and considered.

00:42:49.440 And it's going to be really good for you.

00:42:51.700 Totally.

00:42:52.400 So those, those are two things that I would see.

00:42:54.200 And those are things that I've done.

00:42:55.460 Yeah.

00:42:55.900 You know, I like those.

00:42:57.180 I, it's completely unrelated.

00:43:00.280 I just want to share last, it was the last Sunday at church.

00:43:05.000 They were talking about like writing your life history and documenting it for your posterity.

00:43:10.920 And by the way, I think that's super powerful.

00:43:13.820 My kids, and I've shared this before, but my kids, they never knew my mom, my wife's grandma.

00:43:20.960 And they called her Mimi.

00:43:22.200 Yeah.

00:43:22.380 Because she was French.

00:43:24.080 They don't know her.

00:43:25.040 They've never met her.

00:43:26.520 They know her.

00:43:27.840 They talk about her.

00:43:29.760 She's part of their life.

00:43:31.320 She's influenced them.

00:43:32.820 And she's done that because she is journaled.

00:43:35.220 And my mom, or my mom, my wife has held onto that journal and she reads from it.

00:43:42.340 And my kids have like this relationship with their, with their great grandma.

00:43:47.480 That's awesome.

00:43:48.360 That has never been on the earth when they've been on the earth.

00:43:51.500 And it's just so powerful.

00:43:53.120 And, and through that actually last Sunday, they were saying, and if your parents don't

00:43:59.260 have their life documented, you should document it, even if they've passed.

00:44:03.120 And I thought about it because my, my dad passed away this past February.

00:44:08.020 And, and there's of course, like moments where I'm kind of like, damn, you know, I wish I

00:44:12.260 talked with him more.

00:44:14.820 I wish I asked him other questions.

00:44:16.560 I wish I could get in his head, you know, to understand who he was as his, his, his, his,

00:44:23.140 his own personal self more, not, not just what he was willing to share, but really who he

00:44:27.720 was.

00:44:28.100 And, uh, the thought literally crossed my mind yesterday, I'm traveling up to me and

00:44:33.000 I was like, I have uncles.

00:44:35.920 How awesome would it be for me to call up my uncle Roger and say, Hey, uncle Roger, can

00:44:40.180 I take you out to lunch?

00:44:41.220 Yeah.

00:44:41.520 I want to talk to you about my dad for the next hour and bring something to record too.

00:44:47.580 Yeah.

00:44:47.780 And let him share about childhood memories.

00:44:50.520 Oh man, your dad was such a goof when he was a kid and did this and these things I would

00:44:55.120 never know, you know, and it's just like, man, and, and to your point, how much would

00:45:00.440 that bring value in my life and awareness of self as well as a connection, even with

00:45:05.940 someone that has passed away and that's still made available to me.

00:45:10.080 I'm writing some of these down because I like these so much.

00:45:12.540 So Mark Mancuso, I'm 48 and I've been training Muay Thai for two plus hours.

00:45:19.420 I read this earlier.

00:45:20.440 I was like, damn, uh, 40, I'm 48.

00:45:22.980 I've been training Muay Thai for two plus hours per day, six days a week for a year.

00:45:29.040 Wow.

00:45:29.500 I know.

00:45:30.100 I'm like, Mark, you need to talk to the dude up above asking about Muay Thai.

00:45:35.560 Right.

00:45:35.920 Right.

00:45:36.260 He says, this is my first real sport that I've ever been involved with.

00:45:40.760 I love it.

00:45:41.500 My instructor suggests that I start doing jujitsu now, but I'm not really interested.

00:45:46.860 I want to focus on Muay Thai.

00:45:49.160 What am I missing by avoiding jujitsu?

00:45:52.140 I'm not going to even answer that.

00:45:54.380 You're not interested.

00:45:55.640 Yeah.

00:45:55.940 I guess if you're not interested, you're not interested.

00:45:57.960 Why do you, why do you feel like you have to talk yourself into it?

00:46:00.960 Yeah.

00:46:01.300 That's a good point.

00:46:02.260 You're, you can make that decision.

00:46:04.080 Yeah.

00:46:04.340 I would say this, go try it for a week.

00:46:07.220 Yeah.

00:46:07.640 Then you'll find out.

00:46:08.580 Yeah.

00:46:09.160 Watching it is not the same as getting into it.

00:46:12.040 That's for sure.

00:46:12.660 I just don't, I don't want to convince people of anything.

00:46:15.380 I like, I don't want to talk people into stuff.

00:46:17.380 Yeah.

00:46:17.700 You said you're in, you're not interested.

00:46:19.220 So why are you, why are you asking if I'll sell you on it?

00:46:21.300 Because you are interested.

00:46:23.720 So what, what, what are the main benefits that you've gotten out of jujitsu?

00:46:27.940 Well, I'll answer that.

00:46:28.980 But what I would say first and foremost is just go do it for a month.

00:46:33.400 Okay.

00:46:33.800 Go train Muay Thai for an hour and exchange one of those hours.

00:46:38.380 Cause you said two plus hours, exchange one of those hours for jujitsu every day for the next month.

00:46:43.500 Cause you can always go back to Muay Thai.

00:46:45.240 Yeah.

00:46:46.040 But then you might realize, oh, I actually liked this.

00:46:48.680 I didn't think I would.

00:46:50.480 There's no risk at all in doing that.

00:46:53.640 Yeah.

00:46:53.960 So just do that.

00:46:54.740 And then you don't need to wonder or ask me or Kip what you're missing.

00:46:58.560 Yeah.

00:46:58.980 Let me figure that out.

00:46:59.620 Um, I was thinking about it today because I, like I said, I've been off the mats for three months and then I rolled today live, like real role.

00:47:09.480 I've been doing some technique and things like that, but like a real role.

00:47:14.560 And I felt so good because I wasn't worried about other stuff.

00:47:20.880 Yeah.

00:47:21.900 Bro, my mind goes a thousand miles an hour with everything that's going on in my life from my relationships, my wife, to my kids, to my business, to this, to that, to personal things.

00:47:34.800 Like, just always like, even just trying to sleep at night is just a challenge for me.

00:47:40.080 I didn't think about any of that for maybe 10 or 15 minutes, which doesn't feel like a long time.

00:47:46.480 But the only thing I was thinking about is like, okay, that, that I don't like that defend against that.

00:47:51.880 Or, oh, there's an opportunity, like exploit that for 10 minutes straight.

00:47:57.800 And for, and you might, you could get that in Muay Thai.

00:48:00.420 I'm not saying that it's exclusive to jujitsu, but man, that's one of the biggest benefits for me.

00:48:05.640 And getting back on the mat today, I realized, oh yeah, I didn't have that like for a while.

00:48:11.640 Yeah.

00:48:11.900 And that was, it was really refreshing actually.

00:48:15.760 Totally.

00:48:16.180 Yeah.

00:48:19.320 That's actually the biggest thing.

00:48:20.560 I mean, there's other things like, you know, I think it is practical.

00:48:22.860 I think it's good to know how to use your body.

00:48:24.620 I think there's a conditioning and a physical element to it.

00:48:27.160 Of course.

00:48:28.400 But that's the biggest thing for me is flow state.

00:48:31.480 I can focus on just that and just escape to a degree.

00:48:35.060 I'm not saying escapism, but just like get away from everything else for a bit and just narrow it on that.

00:48:40.020 Yeah.

00:48:40.420 Yeah.

00:48:40.820 I love, I love a hard role sometimes.

00:48:44.760 Like a really like, this is painful.

00:48:47.180 Yeah.

00:48:47.460 I don't like it.

00:48:48.420 Yeah.

00:48:48.920 It's good.

00:48:49.700 This is miserable.

00:48:50.640 And then to like slap hands, hug it out and lead the GM together.

00:48:54.980 It's like, I don't know.

00:48:57.160 It's a good, it's a good, it's a good ruler for how hard life is.

00:49:04.360 Yeah.

00:49:05.000 Puts things in perspective.

00:49:06.440 Yeah.

00:49:06.560 Because if you're on the mat and you're getting your face smashed and it's really physically uncomfortable.

00:49:11.140 And then later that day you get into a verbal confrontation with a customer.

00:49:16.680 It's like, I don't care about this.

00:49:19.040 Yeah.

00:49:19.840 Like not that you're indifferent, but that it just doesn't really matter as much.

00:49:23.480 You're like, it's in perspective.

00:49:24.420 Well, then also it's like, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not angry.

00:49:29.320 So like I can have a convert, let's say you're my customer and you're upset with something.

00:49:33.360 I'm not angry at you.

00:49:34.760 I might've been, I might've been frustrated and needed to vent all this, but I already did

00:49:38.280 that.

00:49:38.460 I already took care of it.

00:49:39.060 Like I got my frustrations out.

00:49:40.340 I vented.

00:49:40.760 I, I focused on something else.

00:49:42.320 And so like, I can come like fully present.

00:49:43.960 I'm like, Hey man, you know, I'm sorry you're dealing with that or I'm sorry.

00:49:46.640 That's going to be frustrating.

00:49:47.540 And I can actually just have a better, more productive conversation with you because I'm

00:49:51.660 not looking at you to take things out on.

00:49:54.780 Chris Bell has this good question for you.

00:49:57.540 He says, how do you slide back into jujitsu after an injury keeps you out for months and

00:50:03.000 realize you are now far behind everybody.

00:50:05.740 I made the smartest decision with jujitsu I could have made.

00:50:09.120 Yeah.

00:50:09.480 I didn't stop.

00:50:10.580 Yeah.

00:50:10.920 You kept going.

00:50:11.720 So like everybody's like, Oh, not everybody, but a couple of guys are like, Hey, I watched

00:50:15.620 you roll.

00:50:15.880 You look pretty good for being back on the mats in three months.

00:50:18.260 I'm like, I never left.

00:50:19.900 They're like, well, you were injured.

00:50:21.100 I'm like, yeah, but I never stopped.

00:50:23.260 You didn't check out.

00:50:24.580 No, I went, I went to, I can't say everyone, but I went to as many trainings as I could.

00:50:30.120 And I just watched most like 80% of them.

00:50:33.280 I was just watching, uh, while I was doing a workout.

00:50:37.040 So I do a lot of body weight stuff, light dumbbell stuff to the degree that I could, but

00:50:41.560 I was there in the environment with the guys watching.

00:50:46.260 Observing.

00:50:46.680 I'm like, Ooh, that was cool.

00:50:47.700 Or, Ooh, that guy's making a mistake.

00:50:49.500 I wouldn't do that.

00:50:50.500 And so like, I'm just watching, you know, and then they would do technique after class.

00:50:55.920 And that would be usually be Pete Roberts.

00:50:58.140 And if I could do it, I would do the technique.

00:51:00.460 I wouldn't do it with somebody, but I would do it by myself.

00:51:04.800 Yeah.

00:51:05.020 And then I followed, I started following this guy on, uh, Instagram.

00:51:09.400 I want to give credit where credit's due.

00:51:11.380 So let me give him a shout out here.

00:51:13.060 And what I started to do with this guy, let me find him.

00:51:16.040 Okay.

00:51:17.280 It's called jujitsu flow and flow is F L O.

00:51:21.260 So it's J I U J I T S U.

00:51:23.920 So jujitsu F L O jujitsu flow.

00:51:26.360 And he's just got video after video, after video of solo move exercise and movements

00:51:33.240 that you can do to improve your flexibility and improve your, your technique.

00:51:37.740 It's actually really cool.

00:51:38.840 It looks silly when you're doing it by yourself.

00:51:41.760 I don't care about that.

00:51:43.280 I care about being good at jujitsu.

00:51:45.260 Yeah.

00:51:45.500 And so what, so when Chris says, what can you do?

00:51:49.980 Don't stop.

00:51:51.700 Yeah.

00:51:52.220 Change your tempo, change your pace, change your, whatever it needs to be.

00:51:56.020 I knew that if I stopped going to class and I had every reason to, that if I stopped going

00:52:01.880 to class, I just wouldn't come back or that I would come back way too late.

00:52:05.640 So I actually don't feel like I'm behind everybody.

00:52:08.520 Although I am like timings off and things like, and people have advanced, dude, I'll get

00:52:12.960 that back.

00:52:13.380 No problem.

00:52:14.120 Yeah.

00:52:14.340 No problem.

00:52:14.880 Yeah.

00:52:15.580 Chris, I would get maybe a little bit present to the last sentence that you said, because

00:52:22.260 you know, how do I get back, slide back in and the difficulty that you kind of raised in

00:52:27.940 your question was, and realize you are now far behind everyone else, right?

00:52:32.140 It's like, man, like you can't, I, I have struggled and I'm, I'm speaking, I'm relating

00:52:39.440 to you, Chris.

00:52:39.940 I've struggled with this, I've struggled with this in the last 14 years of doing jujitsu.

00:52:46.400 He's better than me.

00:52:47.320 He's better than me.

00:52:48.240 I wish I was better.

00:52:49.100 I wish I could be better than him.

00:52:51.000 Like this.

00:52:51.500 You struggle with that?

00:52:52.420 Yeah.

00:52:52.740 Well, and I do, I've always struggled with it because I, when I do something, I want to

00:52:57.160 be like the best at it.

00:52:58.760 Yeah.

00:52:59.000 But here's the deal.

00:53:00.560 Like, and I had to remind myself of this, like, okay, well, I want to be as good as

00:53:04.720 Damon.

00:53:05.520 Yeah.

00:53:05.820 But Damon doesn't have kids.

00:53:07.800 Damon works part time.

00:53:08.880 So he can go to jujitsu three times a day.

00:53:12.760 Of course, he's going to be better than me.

00:53:14.720 Right.

00:53:15.320 So the question I have to have is not this unclear, unclear understanding of the cost I'm

00:53:22.300 willing to pay.

00:53:22.860 Right.

00:53:23.060 I had to get really clear of like, I had to finish that thought to a conclusion.

00:53:27.680 I wish I was better than Damon.

00:53:28.940 Okay.

00:53:29.620 Am I willing to pay the price to be better than Damon?

00:53:32.780 And the answer is no, I'm not willing to pay the price.

00:53:35.760 So stop wishing something that I'm unwilling to pay the price for and realize that, you

00:53:41.620 know what?

00:53:41.960 I am a little bit of a hobbyist jujitsu guy because I'm unwilling to give up family time

00:53:48.060 more than I already do.

00:53:49.420 And I'm unwilling to give up career advancement and opportunity.

00:53:53.520 So that's a good decision.

00:53:55.060 Yeah.

00:53:55.460 And I, and I, but, but the resolve is found in, are you willing to pay the price?

00:54:00.820 And in a lot of those cases, I'm like, actually I'm not.

00:54:03.260 So I need to stop that thought process.

00:54:05.880 Well, and there's also other things, immutable characteristics that you can't control.

00:54:11.480 Yeah.

00:54:11.980 Like we have Ryan Daggett.

00:54:13.200 He's a good friend of mine.

00:54:14.060 He's a black belt.

00:54:15.020 And freakish.

00:54:15.940 He's six, four.

00:54:16.640 He's, his legs are probably his legs.

00:54:18.880 Like his hip probably is at my shoulder.

00:54:21.240 You know, the arms probably touch the ground if he's just late.

00:54:24.460 Like he's long, like, okay.

00:54:26.640 So he's good at lasso.

00:54:28.300 He can basically grab you and triangle you if you're in a three feet radius from him.

00:54:32.760 Yeah.

00:54:32.980 With, and when I say grab you, I'm talking about with his toes and feet, like not his

00:54:37.340 arms.

00:54:37.880 Yeah.

00:54:38.600 That's an immutable characteristic.

00:54:40.280 Yeah.

00:54:40.740 Like there's nothing I'm ever going to be able to do to play that game.

00:54:44.440 Yeah.

00:54:45.240 Now I can get better at my own game.

00:54:46.660 Right.

00:54:46.980 Uh, another person I think of is, uh, Keegan Roberts.

00:54:50.480 That's Pete's son.

00:54:52.080 Keegan is a, he's a freak athlete.

00:54:55.020 He's not a, he's not a big guy, but he's a freakish athlete and he's got an incredible

00:55:00.520 jujitsu IQ.

00:55:03.340 What do I do with that?

00:55:04.880 Yeah.

00:55:05.180 I'm not a freak athlete.

00:55:07.440 I'm, I'm strong.

00:55:08.620 You know, I'm strong enough.

00:55:09.660 I'm, I'm intelligent enough to learn and pick up new things.

00:55:13.180 My jujitsu IQ is not to his level.

00:55:16.420 What am I going to do with that?

00:55:18.400 Well, I've got to play my own game and I got to, you know, it might take me longer to, uh,

00:55:24.080 get to that level.

00:55:25.100 And he started training after me.

00:55:27.960 He's also got his dad.

00:55:29.320 Who's a world-class jujitsu tacticianer.

00:55:33.720 I don't have that.

00:55:35.040 Yeah.

00:55:35.280 I don't live under the roof of that.

00:55:36.840 Like there's a lot of things that I just can't control.

00:55:40.640 So, okay.

00:55:42.360 So I got to do something else.

00:55:43.960 And I try to.

00:55:45.560 Yeah.

00:55:46.180 So deal, deal with what you have.

00:55:49.320 It's like the serenity reality.

00:55:51.480 Yeah.

00:55:52.120 What, how does it go?

00:55:52.900 Lord, Lord grant me the, you know, the,

00:55:54.940 the power to change the things I can and the grace or whatever to accept the things I can't.

00:55:59.420 Right.

00:55:59.800 Like, yeah, you can't change that.

00:56:01.220 And that's hard.

00:56:03.100 Not just in jujitsu, but in life that you can't change people.

00:56:06.880 Uh, you can influence him.

00:56:08.360 You can't change the past.

00:56:09.860 Yeah.

00:56:10.020 And so you just got to try to accept it.

00:56:13.300 That sucks.

00:56:14.240 That's one of the hardest lessons I'm having.

00:56:16.380 I'm, I've had to learn and will continue to have to learn throughout my life.

00:56:19.440 Yeah, totally.

00:56:21.600 How are we doing on time?

00:56:22.780 Good.

00:56:22.980 Let's take a couple more.

00:56:23.780 A couple more.

00:56:24.160 Uh, we're going to, uh, those are all the ones from today.

00:56:27.120 So we're going to hop into some from last week.

00:56:29.840 Okay.

00:56:30.800 Um, Tanner leisure.

00:56:32.440 How do you, how do I balance between self-discipline and being too hard on myself when I don't follow

00:56:39.820 through on my expectations?

00:56:41.580 Question mark.

00:56:42.440 Yeah.

00:56:42.900 Um, look at your results.

00:56:44.580 Because, so I, I was thinking about this just recently, actually.

00:56:52.280 One of the things that is a great blessing for me personally is I'm relentless.

00:56:58.780 And I fixate on things.

00:57:03.000 Yeah.

00:57:04.160 In, in moments, like I might really fixate on the podcast or if I realize I need to get into

00:57:10.260 the families, I might really fix on it, fixate on that.

00:57:13.700 Like double down.

00:57:14.740 Just.

00:57:14.940 Yeah.

00:57:15.460 Yeah.

00:57:15.640 Um, but I also might fixate on things that aren't healthy for me, you know, whether it's

00:57:21.040 temptations or whatever.

00:57:23.880 Negative thought.

00:57:24.720 Negative thoughts.

00:57:25.740 Yeah.

00:57:25.920 Yeah.

00:57:26.100 Yeah.

00:57:26.300 I can fixate.

00:57:27.640 Yeah.

00:57:27.960 And it's really good because I'm, I'm always going to win.

00:57:33.240 And I know that sounds really arrogant.

00:57:35.080 And when, even if the thought is I'm not good enough, then you're like, yeah, I'm going

00:57:39.540 to like run that story until it's like, I'm always going to prove whatever I'm fixing

00:57:44.900 on.

00:57:45.680 Yeah.

00:57:46.400 Right.

00:57:46.880 Yeah.

00:57:47.200 If I'm like, I want to be, even if I want to be a great father, I'm going to be a great

00:57:50.840 father.

00:57:51.860 A hundred percent.

00:57:53.040 If I fixate on, I'm a loser.

00:57:55.780 I'm, I'm, I'm pathetic.

00:57:57.480 I'm going to fixate on that.

00:57:58.960 And that's what I'm going to go for.

00:58:00.760 And the other, the other hard thing about being relentless the way that I am, I I'm

00:58:05.480 running the risk of sounding arrogant.

00:58:06.900 I'm really trying not to, but is one of the challenges is that it doesn't ever turn off

00:58:13.200 for me.

00:58:13.940 Like my brain doesn't shut down.

00:58:16.120 I don't sleep very well at night.

00:58:18.200 Um, sometimes I'd like to, I'd really like for it not to work sometimes.

00:58:25.300 Yeah.

00:58:25.820 Sometimes I see lazy people or even dumb people and I'm like, wouldn't that be nice?

00:58:30.760 Uh, it just doesn't shut down, you know?

00:58:36.700 So when, what Dylan talking about discipline or Tanner, excuse me, talking about, uh, discipline

00:58:42.100 and being too hard on himself, look at your results.

00:58:45.720 And that's what I've had to look at.

00:58:47.140 Yeah.

00:58:47.480 Right.

00:58:47.700 So when I serving you, right, when I fixate on something and I'm like, Oh, I'm doing good,

00:58:51.400 you know, I'm fixating on the right things and it's producing results.

00:58:55.840 I'm like, cool.

00:58:56.160 That's good.

00:58:56.560 That's positive.

00:58:57.180 That's encouraging behavior.

00:58:58.240 I should do that.

00:58:59.640 But then when I fixate on other things and it's hindering or undermining or, or, or sabotaging

00:59:04.680 myself, which I've been known to do, then I, then that's, that's a negative use of my fixation

00:59:12.500 and my relentlessness.

00:59:13.860 Yeah.

00:59:14.180 So it's kind of like in the scriptures when it says by their fruits, you shall know thee

00:59:17.660 like, how do you know?

00:59:19.300 And this goes to this, the person we were talking about earlier was like, how do you know about

00:59:22.740 a person?

00:59:23.260 What questions did you ask?

00:59:24.340 The fruits.

00:59:24.740 By their fruits, you shall know thee.

00:59:26.340 Yeah.

00:59:26.580 A rotten apple tree does not produce good fruit.

00:59:31.220 A healthy apple tree does not produce rotten fruit.

00:59:35.040 A healthy apple tree produces healthy apples.

00:59:37.540 A rotten apple tree produces rotten apples.

00:59:39.680 Yeah.

00:59:40.120 And so look at your results by your fruits.

00:59:43.000 You shall know thee.

00:59:43.820 You shall know that if you're actually being self-disciplined or if you're being too hard

00:59:48.760 on yourself and you're actually doing self-sabotage, look at your results.

00:59:52.940 That's what it's going to tell you.

00:59:54.560 I like that.

00:59:56.580 John Gary Bishop, he uses a phrase in one of his books.

01:00:00.580 I don't remember which one exactly, but he talks about how, and I'm trying to give you

01:00:06.660 some grace on your coming across maybe too arrogant.

01:00:10.340 I think if we all evaluate our lives, we're winning exactly at what we want.

01:00:15.880 We all are.

01:00:17.340 To some degree.

01:00:18.440 Well, because a lot of people that are victims, right?

01:00:21.540 And they'll complain about their life.

01:00:23.160 They're winning at it.

01:00:24.280 That's their story.

01:00:25.100 They're like, oh, this is, you know.

01:00:26.880 Yeah.

01:00:27.140 But I don't think it's what they want necessarily.

01:00:31.760 I think they get something from it.

01:00:34.340 Yeah.

01:00:34.840 And that doesn't always mean you want it.

01:00:36.780 Yeah.

01:00:36.960 That's a good point.

01:00:37.940 Like, think about, think about like an addict or somebody who's like addicted to porn.

01:00:45.260 It's like, I think a lot of the times, right?

01:00:50.260 I don't want this, but I can't escape from it.

01:00:53.000 Yeah.

01:00:54.280 But they're getting something from it.

01:00:56.520 Yeah.

01:00:57.340 Like maybe, maybe they're getting a, but they're getting a sense of, of, of purpose, maybe,

01:01:04.160 or value or the payoff, whatever the payoff is.

01:01:08.240 Like they're getting something from it, but they also simultaneously know that they don't

01:01:13.920 want that in their life.

01:01:15.740 Yeah.

01:01:16.900 And that's a really hard thing.

01:01:18.700 You know, you don't want it.

01:01:19.700 And yet you have a hard time staying away from it.

01:01:22.260 Yeah.

01:01:24.100 You know what I'm saying?

01:01:24.940 No, totally.

01:01:25.780 Totally.

01:01:26.200 Yeah.

01:01:26.460 Once not the right, like they're winning at.

01:01:29.560 What they're defending.

01:01:30.420 What they're defending or what they're justifying.

01:01:32.760 Yes.

01:01:33.420 Yes.

01:01:33.740 Yeah.

01:01:33.980 I would agree with that.

01:01:35.120 Yeah.

01:01:35.420 They are winning at what they're protecting, what they're fighting for.

01:01:39.320 Yeah.

01:01:39.840 And we fight for things.

01:01:41.080 Yeah.

01:01:41.320 We fight for bad things.

01:01:41.820 And it may not be what they really want.

01:01:43.680 Yeah.

01:01:44.540 Even though you don't want it, you're like, I want to, I'm going to fight for that.

01:01:47.280 I'm going to defend.

01:01:47.840 I'm going to justify.

01:01:48.400 I'm going to rationalize.

01:01:49.400 I'm going to skews away.

01:01:50.740 Totally.

01:01:51.180 I don't want it.

01:01:51.940 I know it's not good for me.

01:01:53.940 Yeah.

01:01:54.140 I know it creates problems in my life, but I'm going to fight for it.

01:01:58.200 Yeah.

01:01:58.700 And so much of that is rooted in that balance of when we are out of integrity, we have to

01:02:08.220 justify the action or we have to change.

01:02:12.300 And, and, and that's, and I really feel pretty passionate about this.

01:02:16.100 That's really the two paths.

01:02:18.140 The only two, right?

01:02:18.880 Yeah.

01:02:19.220 Like you will, it will cause transformation and change in your life or you have to justify

01:02:25.020 the behavior.

01:02:26.900 But the, but justify, so there's pain on both.

01:02:29.720 Yeah.

01:02:29.960 So I wrote this down, justify or change.

01:02:32.500 The pain of justification is that you're going to lose a lot of things that you love.

01:02:36.380 Totally.

01:02:36.740 Like you're going to throw away a lot of stuff.

01:02:38.920 You might throw away more financial resources.

01:02:41.340 You might throw away your job.

01:02:42.560 You might throw away your health.

01:02:43.560 You might throw away your family.

01:02:44.920 Yeah.

01:02:45.700 So you can fight for justification or if you change, then you got to throw away your vice.

01:02:51.620 Yeah.

01:02:52.060 And your vice is doing, you don't want it, but it's doing something for you.

01:02:55.300 And that ego.

01:02:56.100 And you have to recognize that you are a problem.

01:03:00.720 Yeah.

01:03:01.800 And who wants to say that?

01:03:04.220 Yeah.

01:03:04.860 Is, do you think that's more about, that it's less about the vice giving up the vice and

01:03:11.980 more about the acceptance of like, yeah, this was me.

01:03:17.620 Probably more of the latter.

01:03:19.260 Yeah.

01:03:19.740 I would guess.

01:03:20.900 Yeah.

01:03:21.080 I think so too.

01:03:21.700 And I think, I think once you do accept that, let's say it's a vice, for example, and you

01:03:30.100 do accept that it's you, I think the vice becomes much easier to give up.

01:03:36.560 Yeah.

01:03:37.260 Or the, or the external circumstances become so painful that you like come to terms with

01:03:43.600 it.

01:03:43.760 You're like, oh yeah.

01:03:45.500 Yeah.

01:03:46.220 Yeah.

01:03:46.500 I need to get rid of that.

01:03:47.740 Yeah.

01:03:47.940 Tom Billy, you made a post the other day.

01:03:49.540 He was something to the extent of you'll change when you've had enough of yourself.

01:03:55.340 I think that's really good.

01:03:57.180 And I was like, damn.

01:03:58.940 Yeah.

01:03:59.180 That's pretty, pretty awesome.

01:04:00.360 But a lot of the times we won't evaluate ourselves.

01:04:01.820 Like, have you had enough yet?

01:04:03.440 But we won't evaluate ourselves.

01:04:05.080 Yeah.

01:04:05.520 Like how I, I, I'm, I talk about it and I still, all the time, every day and I still

01:04:10.420 fail to evaluate myself.

01:04:12.440 Totally.

01:04:12.880 Or I don't do it honestly.

01:04:14.940 Yeah.

01:04:15.180 But that's where usually that outside circumstance all of a sudden shows up and goes, oh, well

01:04:21.440 now you have diabetes.

01:04:23.040 Yeah.

01:04:23.360 Now have you had enough?

01:04:24.440 Right.

01:04:25.060 And it's like, okay, I'm done.

01:04:27.220 Yeah.

01:04:27.660 Yeah.

01:04:27.980 Yeah.

01:04:28.160 I'm tired.

01:04:29.780 It's tough, man.

01:04:30.880 I've had a lot of good conversations over the past several weeks and there's a lot of

01:04:36.360 people out there hurting.

01:04:37.780 I had no idea.

01:04:40.400 Honestly, it's been such a weird phenomenon.

01:04:43.880 I talk with men about their issues for a living.

01:04:47.940 Yeah.

01:04:48.400 And I've had over the past, like I said, two to three weeks, some conversations with guys.

01:04:54.140 Dylan, really?

01:04:55.040 My mind is tough shit.

01:04:57.200 Yeah.

01:04:57.500 Yeah.

01:04:57.920 I'm like, bro, I had no idea.

01:05:01.640 Yeah.

01:05:02.740 I'm talking about crazy stuff.

01:05:06.280 Yeah.

01:05:06.900 And I'm like, how long have you been dealing with this?

01:05:08.540 They're like, oh, a couple of years.

01:05:09.700 I'm like, what?

01:05:11.260 We're friends.

01:05:12.000 How do I not know this?

01:05:16.160 It's bad.

01:05:17.260 Like the people, guys, look, you got to know the people in your life.

01:05:22.060 In fact, listen to this Friday, this Friday's field notes.

01:05:24.340 Cause I think if I remember correctly, I called it, I did it ahead of time.

01:05:27.000 Cause I knew I was going to be here at camp.

01:05:28.980 Check in on your men.

01:05:30.700 So go listen to that episode this Friday in a couple of days, but go check in on your

01:05:35.860 men.

01:05:36.900 They're hurting guys.

01:05:38.580 Yeah.

01:05:39.260 There, there's stuff that's happening in their life that you don't even know about.

01:05:44.120 Like no signs whatsoever.

01:05:47.940 And you could actually be the catalyst for improving that person's life.

01:05:53.140 It's crazy.

01:05:54.100 It's a, it's a really wild.

01:05:55.500 I I'm, I'm grateful that I've been able to have some of those conversations.

01:06:00.080 Cause man, didn't even know.

01:06:03.820 Didn't even know.

01:06:04.700 Tony Chingas.

01:06:07.380 Let's make this last one.

01:06:08.680 I have teenagers now from a previous relationship.

01:06:11.720 This new woman I'm with has no kids, but is edging signs towards me having kids with

01:06:17.360 her.

01:06:18.180 Have you seen this work for couples with older kids already in the picture?

01:06:22.280 Well, I think you're qualified to answer that.

01:06:25.040 I was like, yeah, Tony just explained my circumstance.

01:06:28.320 Right.

01:06:28.460 Uh, so I had two, two boys.

01:06:31.220 Uh, my wife had one boy.

01:06:33.820 We're married for a while.

01:06:35.220 And then we've had three kids together.

01:06:37.500 That gap is.

01:06:41.000 He'll, uh, eight.

01:06:43.580 Yeah.

01:06:43.900 Eight years.

01:06:44.900 An eight year gap between what we call batch one and batch two.

01:06:51.280 Here's, here's the benefit, dude.

01:06:53.920 Our batch twos turn it out so much better than.

01:06:58.460 And, and it's not against them.

01:07:00.300 It's, it's, we've learned so much.

01:07:02.440 It is actually interesting to have these, this big gap between these group of kids because

01:07:07.700 like, we're not the same parents as we were on the first kids, you know, and we just kind

01:07:13.220 of joke around sometimes.

01:07:14.160 We're like, yeah, sorry, boys.

01:07:16.140 You know, we're, we're still learning with you, but, uh, hopefully we'll do a lot better

01:07:20.760 on the other kids.

01:07:21.500 No, I, I totally, in fact, haven't the raising, uh, kids together, Tony will be the easiest

01:07:28.220 part of the relationship.

01:07:29.680 The difficult part is the relationship between your teenagers and, uh, and this woman and

01:07:36.300 you, that's going to be the most difficult part.

01:07:39.200 Why?

01:07:39.500 What?

01:07:41.180 Asia and I would just, we would both admit this.

01:07:43.340 The number one difficulty in our marriage has been our, and I hate the word, but our,

01:07:49.660 our stepkids.

01:07:51.460 But why?

01:07:52.320 Like, why?

01:07:52.940 Like, what are they doing or what is happening?

01:07:56.120 Yeah.

01:07:56.280 There's so much to this.

01:07:57.500 Like, I'll just blow, just throw tons of stuff out.

01:08:01.300 Right.

01:08:01.640 Give us like a couple, because I think it should be good for them.

01:08:04.220 So you got, you got, you got the mama bear syndrome that shows up that, that she's overly

01:08:11.180 protective of her son.

01:08:12.460 When she's overly protective, I lean in a little bit harder.

01:08:15.920 I lean in harder.

01:08:16.820 She protects him even more.

01:08:19.120 And I used to think it was just her being a woman and me being a man.

01:08:24.640 No, I actually think deep down what that's, it's actually rooted in her feeling bad.

01:08:31.860 About what?

01:08:32.740 About breaking up his family.

01:08:35.580 Her son's family.

01:08:36.420 Yeah.

01:08:37.460 You know, like that, you know, he doesn't have his mom and dad.

01:08:40.900 And so she, I think she actually like subconsciously for a long time was like trying to make up

01:08:46.380 for it.

01:08:46.960 And she would make up for it in a loving, non-boundary, lack of consistent kind of way.

01:08:55.060 And I would show up as the enforcer to try to counter it.

01:08:58.740 Right.

01:08:58.920 And in the early days of our marriage, we didn't see that value of what we both brought

01:09:02.960 to the table.

01:09:03.640 We thought it needed to be the same.

01:09:05.160 So that was a miss, a major, a miss thing.

01:09:07.800 The other, the other nuances is, and we've talked about a little bit on this podcast, but

01:09:13.260 like, um, Asia's not my voice's mom and I'm not Kyabe's dad, period.

01:09:20.760 Right.

01:09:21.080 And it's really unfair, actually, I think for any split families to assume that they're

01:09:25.980 just going to magically replace a role and everything's going, you know, the white picket

01:09:30.760 fence is going to go up and it's just going to be just like it would have been if I didn't

01:09:34.440 get divorced.

01:09:34.920 No, it's not the same.

01:09:37.080 And it is.

01:09:37.420 But I think it is important to work towards that when you say, no, I think it's important.

01:09:40.840 I think it's important to deal in reality that it's not the same, not to put that on

01:09:46.340 them now, put it on them as a support and I'm here and I'll do my best.

01:09:50.860 But I think it's really healthy for me to approach that relationship of like Kyabe, I'm not your

01:09:55.720 dad.

01:09:56.260 I'll never be your dad.

01:09:58.000 But dude, I'm, I'm on your side.

01:10:00.400 I want to see you win.

01:10:01.800 I want you to see you kill it.

01:10:03.180 I'm here to support you and your mom, but I'm not your father and I'm never going to

01:10:08.380 try to replace your dad.

01:10:10.000 You know what I mean?

01:10:10.360 And I'm going to support that relationship you have with him as much as humanly possible.

01:10:14.340 Because I think when we superficially address that and we like pretend like it's going to

01:10:18.880 be that way, we're setting ourselves up for, for failure.

01:10:22.120 Right.

01:10:22.760 Because it's not, it's not the same.

01:10:24.860 And so, so those have been the biggest difficulties is navigating those relationships with quote unquote

01:10:31.660 stepkids, with parents and, and also like, you know, putting your spouse first.

01:10:39.460 Are you ready for that, Tony?

01:10:41.240 Like this woman that you're dating, like if you're committed and married to her, guess

01:10:44.760 who's the priority?

01:10:46.840 She is not your kids.

01:10:48.340 Yeah.

01:10:48.880 Are you willing to do that?

01:10:50.240 Yeah.

01:10:50.420 And it's weird in a split home.

01:10:52.320 It's harder to do that in a split home.

01:10:55.780 It's very odd in a split home to do that.

01:10:57.880 Like if Asia and I were both like, Hey, we're both number one, our kids are secondary.

01:11:02.680 That feels more natural.

01:11:04.220 Yeah.

01:11:04.580 But when it's split and it's like, no Asia, I'm more important than your son, Kyabe.

01:11:08.680 Yeah.

01:11:09.440 It feels different.

01:11:10.920 It feels different.

01:11:12.380 Yeah.

01:11:12.740 It's very interesting.

01:11:14.060 That is, I, the only thing I would add to that, and I'm not in this position, you know,

01:11:18.420 but the only thing I would add is, uh, you really have to ask if that's what you're in.

01:11:26.800 That's what you're willing to sign up for too.

01:11:28.860 Yeah, totally.

01:11:29.440 He like, he, he kind of, in the question was like, she is like, almost like she's deciding

01:11:34.060 on having kids.

01:11:34.800 I'm like, you mean you are Tony, right?

01:11:37.100 But it doesn't sound like it.

01:11:38.340 Yeah.

01:11:38.640 So if she is, you know, you kind of, they're making some weird noises out there.

01:11:43.320 I don't know if you guys can hear that.

01:11:44.200 It's like a baby, like a bird crying out the window.

01:11:48.980 Um, I think you need to, I actually think you need to have a really good conversation

01:11:54.320 with her.

01:11:55.140 Yeah.

01:11:55.600 Cause if she doesn't have kids, it doesn't sound like it, right?

01:12:00.260 Yeah.

01:12:00.440 She has no kids.

01:12:01.160 She has no kids.

01:12:03.080 So like her motherly instincts might be really rearing their head.

01:12:06.220 And I'm not saying that's bad.

01:12:07.100 Like, I'm just saying like, she, she might want to be a mother.

01:12:10.640 You're, you, you should know that before, cause you're dating now, you should really

01:12:17.040 know that.

01:12:17.720 And if she does, that's cool.

01:12:20.000 Like if you're on board too, like, that's cool.

01:12:22.200 Yeah.

01:12:22.660 Like have kids.

01:12:24.140 Absolutely.

01:12:24.760 I love kids.

01:12:26.020 I love my children.

01:12:27.720 But if you're like, no, I'm past those.

01:12:30.400 I'm done with that.

01:12:32.020 Well, it's kind of a package deal.

01:12:33.660 It's like when you were on the playground and two buddies locked arms and you know, if you

01:12:37.640 picked one, it's like, we're a package.

01:12:38.900 We come together, you, you had to take both of them, you know, and it's the same thing

01:12:42.780 here.

01:12:43.060 If you want to be with this woman and she's wants to have kids, that's a package deal,

01:12:48.020 man, which might be awesome.

01:12:50.700 And it might not be what you want.

01:12:53.380 I I'm trying to be sensitive in that because it's hard.

01:12:56.900 What is that noise?

01:12:59.120 Is it something scratching against the window?

01:13:01.320 I don't know.

01:13:02.860 Or is it somebody like trolling us?

01:13:05.740 That's weird.

01:13:06.800 It's weird.

01:13:07.280 All right.

01:13:08.700 So a haunted cabin here.

01:13:10.480 Yeah.

01:13:10.720 Here in Maine.

01:13:11.440 Yeah.

01:13:11.700 So anyways, package deal.

01:13:13.380 And if it isn't something you want, you know, you really have to evaluate that because

01:13:17.320 really what's going to end up happening is if she wants kids and you don't, you guys

01:13:23.640 are done.

01:13:24.520 Yeah.

01:13:25.000 I mean, you're doing, you should, or you shouldn't pretend to like continue on with this

01:13:29.260 relationship.

01:13:29.840 Like it's going to flush itself out magically without you addressing it.

01:13:33.500 Yeah.

01:13:34.660 Yeah.

01:13:35.820 So tough copy.

01:13:38.660 All right, brother.

01:13:39.400 We'll bring it home for us.

01:13:40.720 Yeah.

01:13:40.960 So guys, you know, we have roughly about, I'm counting up the weeks here.

01:13:46.460 Well, we were roughly about three weeks out.

01:13:48.100 We're going to open up the iron council for enrollment to learn more about the exclusive

01:13:54.100 brotherhood, the iron council, go to order of man.com slash iron council, sign up now.

01:13:58.740 So then that way you guys get notified and, or just follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram.

01:14:03.720 And we'll let you know when that is back open for enrollment.

01:14:08.100 And of course, like I said earlier, uh, band with us in the many different ways, whether

01:14:12.740 that's following Ryan or even on Facebook, uh, or even watched YouTube, uh, videos as

01:14:18.720 well.

01:14:19.140 So, yeah, I mean, admittedly, I haven't been on social media a whole lot, which has been

01:14:23.740 awesome.

01:14:24.160 Yeah.

01:14:24.580 It's been great for him.

01:14:25.720 The movement's falling apart without him, but it's okay.

01:14:28.240 Well, it's actually not.

01:14:29.580 I know.

01:14:30.040 I know you're teasing, but like I thought maybe it would.

01:14:32.760 Yeah.

01:14:33.140 It's not.

01:14:33.560 It's totally fine.

01:14:34.520 Yeah.

01:14:34.780 We, we think the dumbest things and we sabotage ourselves and we don't do what's right for

01:14:42.260 ourselves and we place our emphasis on things that are unimportant.

01:14:45.660 And then you, like we were talking about earlier, you know, things change and you start to reprioritize

01:14:49.780 and get in a better place.

01:14:51.580 And it's like, okay, well I have to do this.

01:14:53.560 And these are the sacrifices that I have to make.

01:14:55.660 And then you realize, oh, those weren't actually sacrifices.

01:14:58.540 Like I gave up all this stuff that I liked or that I wanted to defend and you thought

01:15:07.040 it was going to be hard.

01:15:07.900 And you're like, no, actually life's better because you're making good choices.

01:15:13.740 And so you, you think it's going to be hard and you're like, you know what?

01:15:16.920 This isn't a sacrifice.

01:15:17.820 This is actually an investment in myself, in my time, in my energy, in my family.

01:15:23.300 And it's not as bad as we tend to make it out to be when we try to make changes enough

01:15:30.660 with the birds and whatever's going on out there.

01:15:32.920 Guys, appreciate you.

01:15:33.980 Great questions today.

01:15:35.000 Hopefully we gave you some answers to, to stew on and to think about.

01:15:38.800 Um, they aren't obviously the definitive answer because I don't have those answers.

01:15:42.720 Only, only, uh, one, one being does.

01:15:45.960 And that's God.

01:15:46.520 Uh, we have, we're on the same path with you guys.

01:15:49.240 I mean, I feel like that.

01:15:51.420 I feel, I say that I'm like, you know,

01:15:53.300 we're, we're in the same boat as you.

01:15:54.940 And then other days I'm like, no, you're actually way out ahead of me than I am.

01:15:59.020 And so I, I actually want to just extend a thank you, a genuine thank you for, uh, holding

01:16:04.740 us accountable.

01:16:06.140 I take this responsibility with a lot of weight.

01:16:10.360 Um, and I fall short in so many ways.

01:16:12.160 And like I said, some days I feel like I'm further behind than any other person that might

01:16:15.320 be listening or tuning in.

01:16:16.860 Uh, but, but there's a lot of value that you guys may not know that you add to my life.

01:16:21.140 I'm not going to speak for you, Kip, but to my life that helps me make good decisions

01:16:27.400 to correct problems when I, when I like kicking and screaming, realize what they are.

01:16:34.260 Um, so I just, I just want to say thank you.

01:16:37.420 I, I genuinely like a really just deep appreciation for tuning in and helping on my own personal

01:16:43.420 path.

01:16:44.100 Totally.

01:16:44.460 And the messages that we get on, on social media from guys like feedback or even, you know,

01:16:50.400 sometimes I'm sure you get a lot of them like asking for advice.

01:16:53.480 Like you said this, and this really, you know, like I'm really struggling in this area.

01:16:56.620 Like those conversations help us.

01:16:58.640 Right.

01:16:58.860 I was having a conversation with someone in the chow last night and it's like, sorry

01:17:02.500 for picking your brain over the last two years about marriage.

01:17:05.100 I'm like, dude, you don't think I've been edified by the conversation?

01:17:08.520 Of course.

01:17:08.740 You don't think I walk away going, putting myself in check, going shit, you know, how

01:17:13.420 am I doing?

01:17:13.980 I need, am I leveling up in these areas?

01:17:15.840 And so there's power in you guys submitting these questions.

01:17:19.020 There's power of you guys messaging us and just continuing the conversation and, and

01:17:24.360 spreading what we're doing.

01:17:25.240 And it's, it's just powerful just to have the conversation itself.

01:17:27.980 No doubt.

01:17:29.040 All right, guys, we will be back on Friday.

01:17:31.080 Remember, it's going to be checking on your brother.

01:17:33.060 So do that in the meantime, but I gave you some, some more thoughts on that.

01:17:36.220 Cause that's really important.

01:17:37.500 So make sure you tune in on Friday, but until then go out there, take action and become

01:17:41.480 the man you are meant to be.

01:17:43.040 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:17:45.820 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:17:49.620 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:17:57.980 Thank you.

01:17:58.360 Thank you.

01:17:59.620 Thank you.

01:17:59.800 Thank you.

Order of Man - August 24, 2022

Self-Discipline vs. Self-Sabotage, Is Jiu-Jitsu or Muay Thai Better, and Dealing with Young Children and No Money ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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