Should You Share Your Goals, Avoiding Burnout, and Christianity and Masculinity ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
In this episode, we discuss the importance of accountability and how to balance it. We also talk about how important it is to share your goals with your spouse, friends, family, partners, etc. and why you should do so.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
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This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Sean, what's up, man? Great to see you. It looks like you've got the Order of Man hat on.
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The same one I do, in fact. I think we've got like five or six colors of this hat now.
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We'll have to come out with some new ones so I can sell you some more stuff.
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That's right, man. That's my thing is hats. It drives my wife crazy.
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I could probably just send you a few. It's the least I can do.
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Well, good, man. Well, you're filling in for Kip today. I don't know where he is.
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He just said he needs somebody to fill in. I said, all right, good. I got the guy.
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So, you've had plenty under your belt with me and him. So, we'll get after our questions today.
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Before we get started, I want to let the guys know that the Iron Council is officially open.
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So, if you've considered joining or on the fence or don't even know what it is,
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head to orderaman.com slash ironcouncil. You can learn more and see what it's all about.
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And yeah, should be really good. So, check it out.
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All righty. Questions are coming from the Facebook group today. We got a few. Hopefully,
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some more will come in as we go if we even get there. But first one's from Michael Van
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Volkenberg. Okay. He says, is there a balance between sharing your goals to be held accountable
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and telling everyone your business? Do you think a man should stay silent and quote unquote,
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let them see the results? Yeah. I don't know about the balance necessarily. We can talk about
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that. But I would say that he said sharing with everybody. You don't need to share with everybody
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because what is the point of that? In my mind, if you're going to share a goal or an objective,
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even with your spouse, I think it is purely for some level of accountability. Otherwise,
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why are you sharing? I read an article that said, and I don't know if this is just pseudoscience,
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but it said basically that when people share what they're going to do, they get some accolades and
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they automatically experience the benefit of actually doing the thing. So, let me give you an example.
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If you said, for example, on Facebook, hey guys, I'm so excited. I've decided to run a marathon.
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Look in the comments, the comments, there's going to be a ton of cheers and thumbs up. And the comments
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are like, that's awesome. You're amazing. Way to go. Congrats. That's going to be so cool. Well,
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hold on a second. You actually haven't even done anything yet. You haven't even started training yet.
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You just punched away at your thumbs and said that you're going to do a thing.
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Well, way to think about it. Right. Congratulations. You thought about doing
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something as we all have. So, it's fine. Share that, but only if there's a desired outcome in
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sharing it. And that would be that somebody is going to hold you accountable, or maybe you share
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it with somebody who's qualified in whatever you're doing, and they could give you some guidance and
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direction and input on what it is that you want to accomplish. So, if we go back to that marathon
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example, I think it would be worthwhile to share that with a circle of friends who you have,
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who have run marathons before. Because then what they're going to do is they're going to say,
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oh man, that's awesome. Here's a couple of training resources I have, or make sure you hydrate
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properly, or hey, here's a great resource on how to get the best stride or whatever it is.
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And then you're going to get the accountability and you're also going to get the resources. So,
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don't just share it with everybody willy-nilly. There's no point in doing that other than just
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the pats on the back, which feels good, but doesn't do anything. And be selective with who
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you share it with, is what I would say. I would agree with that, but also add that there's also
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power in marketing. And so, the most powerful marketing really is word of mouth. And as you said,
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you need to have your radar up. So, you don't necessarily need to share it with every single
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person you come across, but you need to find value in conversations and helping to fill needs.
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So, you have, maybe it's a product or a service that you offer, and that radar should always be up.
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So, you should always be ready to talk about it. And when the topic comes up, when you find a need,
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or when you're talking to somebody who maybe they know of somebody who has a need, or maybe they're
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a center of influence and you figure that out, that you're ready to share with them, but you know,
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you don't just lay it on every single person you come across. So, there's some tact involved
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in how you share. And the better you get at that really involves your listening instead of you just
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sharing. So, the more you listen, the more you pay attention, the more you stay involved in
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conversation with people and listen to them as you're engaging, you'll find more opportunity to
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share. But it's going to be appropriate. And it's going to be more useful and valuable to you because
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you're not going to be catching people off guard. You're not going to be that guy who makes people
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feel uncomfortable. It's like, oh no, here comes Larry and he's going to be talking about his thing
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again or whatever it is. And honestly, I know guys who do that and they're still very successful doing
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that. But I see guys who are even more successful that still are able to share with everyone they know,
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but they do it tactfully. So, I think pay attention to how you're sharing and when and get more masterful
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at that. And that'll highly benefit you. But definitely, the let them stay silent and let
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them see the results, I don't think that serves anybody, honestly. Definitely don't take it to that
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extreme. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I like it. All right. What's next? Next one is Derek Marsh. He says,
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I've followed order of man for a little less than a year now. And I've loved how outspoken and forward
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you are about men holding ourselves accountable for being protectors, providers, and presiders.
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As a man of faith and seeing the things going on in the world, do you see a greater demand
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for Christians to be emboldened to stand for Christian values? And do you think order of man
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has brought so many men together for you to be able to spread these values as a believer?
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Yes and yes. I mean, what are, I think we need to ask what are Christian values?
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You know, because there could be some misinterpretation about that, but honesty,
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integrity, integrity, hard work, when you mess things up, make them right, traditional family
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values, you know, virtuous living, all the things that I screw up on all the time. And so should
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those, should we talk about those more? Yeah, of course. Of course we should. And has, I feel like
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there's a hidden question in here because it's almost, you're asking rhetorical questions and not
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trying to beat the question up, but there's a, there's a different question you're asking. This
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is not the real question you're asking. You might not even be asking a question. You might be saying,
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maybe I'm just interpreting it through my lens is you should talk more about Christianity.
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That, that, when I, when I hear these, this question, that's what comes to mind.
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You should talk more about it. And I will, when I feel it's necessary and important. In fact,
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I've talked about it a lot more. And I'm trying to rebuild my, the spiritual component of my life.
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It's very important to me. And I've let that go over the past couple of years. So you're going
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to hear me talk more about it. Um, but then I would encourage you to talk about it. Like, don't,
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don't worry too much about what I'm doing. Like you talk about it and you can talk about it here.
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You can talk about it in the face Facebook group. You can talk about it in our brotherhood,
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the iron council. But if you feel like there's a need for Christian values and talking more about it,
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then by all means do that. We should be able to have those conversations. And we have a faith
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channel in the iron council where guys from all different faiths are talking about their faith,
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their beliefs, their, their, their value system. Um, and so, yeah, I, I would highly, highly encourage
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you to do what's on your heart and do what's on your mind, but yeah, absolutely. Christian values
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are crucial. And, and by the way, if, if you were to extrapolate the supernatural part of,
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of Christianity, I think 99.9% of us would agree that that's all good living. Like, so that's why
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I kind of wonder if it's a rhetorical question and you're instead saying you should just talk about
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it more. I don't know. Do you interpret it that way or do you interpret it differently?
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I felt that way with the question. I felt like you did. So that's funny that you said that because
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I felt the same, I, I feel like when there's some guys and I'm not saying that's him, I'm not,
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I'm not picking on Derek here, but there's some guys that ask those questions to, to kind of validate
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their, um, maybe Christianity, but just validate the fact that they, um, you know, aren't afraid to,
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um, take on the name of Jesus Christ. Right. I mean, that's one of the things that we do when
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we get baptized, but simultaneously, like you said, I feel like those values supersede just
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Christianity. And one of the thoughts I had literally, as I was reading the question is that
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like, just because you're Christian and we have those values doesn't mean that
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you have to be Christian to agree. And so I think that's where the, the line is, is that a lot of
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times, um, there's a difference between taking on the name of Jesus Christ and pushing Christianity
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down people's throats. And it kind of goes hand in hand with the first question, right? And when do
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you share, do you just share to everybody how often, and I think of, as you were talking,
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it made me think of Mustafa and the iron council. I was thinking the same. Oh, really? That's, uh,
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you know, Mustafa brings so much value to the entire IC and he's Muslim. Um, but he has the same values.
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So he's not Christian, but the core of his values are the same. And so it's, uh, you know,
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understanding that if we were just a Christian movement, then you'd be excluding a valuable
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member of the IC and, and his circle of influence and, and, um, not just a member of the IC, I mean,
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just, just the value that he brings to us to grow as men. And so, um, I think you're right with the
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values are there. Um, and the fact that we happen to be Christian is important, but I think the
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important part also of Christianity, we also have to be careful because a lot of questions like this
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are also kind of like, they almost are looking for you to be perfect in those values. And so I think
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when we, if we're going to talk about Christian values, the things we can't forget are repentance,
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accountability, uh, for me and that we have an enemy. And so I, I thought a lot about that this
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morning, I was out building a deck next to our pond, finishing it up. And, and one of my boys got
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up, Brody got up with me at 6am and helped me finish out. And I was down and I was like, this is
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such a cool thing to do. And to be involved, our whole family helped build this thing while Jamie's
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out of town. We're surprising her with it. When she comes back, it'll be done. That's cool. But it was,
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you know, I thought about that and our ability to spend the time. Um, and that throughout that,
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I had a lot of lessons for myself as a father, like being patient, you know, not being short with
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them, catching myself, um, wanting to be a better father. And it made me think like,
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even in something like that, that we, that I did together made it a family activity.
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There were things, there were seeds that were, there were things happening that could have
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destroyed that as a positive experience and made it a negative. And for me, my belief is that
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that's the enemy working on trying to divide our family. And so that can happen in anything. And,
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and my awareness of that helps me to constantly be able to fight it. So, you know, if we're talking
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Christian values, I think that's an important, I think we look at just the commandments and then we,
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when we don't hold to those commandments, then we kind of, um, I guess, judge people for it
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or can judge people for it. When, you know, we also need to understand repent, repentance and
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forgiveness and the accountability that comes with that and grace and, you know, be mindful of those
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things, um, and be good examples of all of it. And so, you know, like you said, I almost feel like
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these questions are, are kind of traps sometimes. Um, but I think as Christians, it's important that
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we don't make it that and that we make it all inclusive, uh, at the same time, you know, and
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when I say all inclusive, I'm not talking in a woke sense. I'm just saying there, you know, I hope
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I articulated it well, but yeah, no, I, I think you're right. I look, I mean, you're, you're spot on
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with everything you said. And the only thing I would add to that is sometimes I feel like we look
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to other people or movements, organizations, businesses. And we think because we have some
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sort of an affinity or connection with them because we believe in what they're doing. Like people
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believe in what we do here with order of man that, well, we should just do it this way.
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And I don't, I don't actually mind suggestions. I think the suggestions that people make here are
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great and they're valuable, but also let's not forget that we have an opportunity as individuals
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to share a message, to spread a message. So if there's something that you feel like needs to be
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shared, then you share it. Like don't, don't always look for, and again, I don't, I don't think this is
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what he's doing here necessarily, but don't always be so quick to hope that other people will do what
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you think they should do or what you want them to do and do it yourself. Like you share that
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message. You talk about that. You bring that up. You start a movement. You start an organization.
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You start a men's thing at church. These are all things that you can do and are fully within your
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control. And we've been advocating for that for almost eight years now. So let's not forget that
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we have a tremendous opportunity and power ourselves as individuals to do things within our families and
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communities and the areas in which we operate. Yeah. And you're right though. It is. Yes.
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Like it's definitely needed. Those, the, those values are slipping or in fact, I mean, if you just
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look to statistically at crime rates and divorces and you know, the things that strengthen are really
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the foundation of our country, that's slipping away because of a lack of those values. Yeah. Yeah,
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definitely. Cool. What's next. Next is Joel Stotton says I've spent the last two years working full
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time overnight while going to nursing school during the day. My current job as a mental health tech is
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exhausting and recently have become a new dad, which has its own level of exhaustion. He said in
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parentheses, super dad to be a dad though. Super happy to be a dad though. I continue to grind to
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provide for my family, but how can I combat burnout? So I think the first time overnight.
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Yeah. Well, look, there's seasons to life, right? And I think the first thing you need to recognize
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is that this is not a permanent thing that you're, you're going to school, you've got a new kid,
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you're working overnight and that's really challenging. And I wish I could tell you if you do this,
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A, B and C that you won't be burned out on all the stuff. The fact of the matter is, is that
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something's going to have to give and it will at some point, right? School semesters will be wrapping
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up. Your, your, your child will get older, which makes it easier. There's not as much intensive care
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needed for a child as they get older. That's not to say things aren't replaced. Cause now, you know,
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I was thinking about it. My wife is out of town this past weekend and I went, let's see,
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Wednesday was dance class in a town that was 45 minutes away. Thursday. I had one son who had
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practice and football practice and another son who had a game. Uh, Friday, we had a game for my oldest
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son. Saturday, we had a game for my second son, you know, Sunday, yesterday, just church and things
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around here. Oh. And then they had lifting that afternoon, my two oldest boys. So it's like,
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it never completely goes away. It changes, but you also get more capable of dealing with it,
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but also know that it's just seasons. And so, yeah, you're going to have to put the nose to the
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grindstone for a little bit and just deal with it. Now, what can you do? You can manage your time
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more effectively. Uh, you can make sure that you're communicating effectively with your wife.
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So she knows what work is going to look like and what your schedule is like. Cause you don't want to
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put a bunch of unnecessary and undue stress and burden on her or the relationship. Uh, you can
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make sure that you carve out a little time for your own wellbeing. So that's physical, uh, intellectual,
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emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. It's crucial, crucial that you do that. And that doesn't need to
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be, need to be, you know, an hours and hours a day, but if you can get up and you can get a 20 minute
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workout in somewhere in there, uh, and you could read, you know, four or five pages of a good book.
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Uh, you could do a little meditation or prayer or even scripture study, or even on your way to
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class or to work, you could pull up a devotional app to hit that spiritual element. Um, I use,
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I started using, uh, an app that I've, that's been very helpful for me. Um, uh, where is it?
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I think it's just called the Bible app and it has a daily devotional on it. That's really good.
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And it's very short and I can just listen to it. They have plans in there. Like,
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I'll just pull it up. Um, let's see different plans. So like, here's some, here's some topics
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of plans, love, anxiety, healing, anger, hope, depression, fear, peace, patient stress,
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uh, loss, jealousy, uh, temptation. So if I were just to click on the temptation,
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uh, you know, there's a bunch of different plans. Like here's one facing the giant of addiction.
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So if I were to click on that one, uh, it's going to give me, let me start this plan. So,
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so it gives me seven. It's actually, this one is a 30 day plan. And what it does is it does one
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devotional. So that's just a topic or like a quick message. And then it gives me a scripture that goes
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with it. And so I can listen to that one every day for 30 days. And that's that plan. So there's
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like cool stuff in there that you could listen to on the way to work or school. Um, and then the
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emotional side is for me is just experiencing your emotions. That could be journaling, um, coming to
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terms with what you're feeling, what you're experiencing, even doing deeper work about why
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you're feeling that way. Uh, maybe there's therapy in there that you could go to, or a band of brothers
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that you could talk with. So hitting those four physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual,
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are things that you can do that I think will keep you sane and actually make you more productive
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in your, your busy schedule. Yeah. I like what you said with, uh, there's seasons and it's,
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here's the thing you will burn out if it stays that way. But, you know, for me, I, I think of when
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I started my business, I started out saying, okay, I'm going to get five years of my everything.
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And then five years turned into, all right, well, I'm going to give at least 10 years
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and then 10 years turned into, well, I'm just going to always do it this way. And so, but what
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happened was, is instead of just that grind, I just built my work ethic where I was always doing
00:21:21.280
something, but I learned how to spread it out and I learned how to balance and learn how to plan
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things in and delegate, hit all the quadrants. Uh, one of the things that, that I did think of
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is that when you are in that season though, just make sure that you don't burn out the family
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by forgetting to do some fundamental things like date nights, uh, make sure you continue to schedule
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that, especially with the new kid. And especially with your first one, it's real easy to forget to
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do that and to spend that time just together with you and your spouse. So make sure you're still
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planning those in, uh, putting those into your schedule ahead of time, fitting those in for just you
00:22:03.040
and your wife, getting a babysitter, um, see a lot of new parents kind of mess that up. And then they,
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they get more friction in their, you know, their, their relationship. And that makes everything
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harder. So just make sure you continue that and, um, and then embrace it. And instead of
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thinking of it as a grind, it's just a means to an end. And there's nobody you're going to meet
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that's successful in anything that they do that hasn't had to go through it, not just what you're
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going through, but possibly even worse or harder or more hours. And so I think what you said, and not
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just devotionals, but also paying attention, you know, if you want to help reinforce the path that
00:22:46.420
you're on, start listening to good podcasts of successful people. Um, you know, what, whether
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it's guys like Andy for sale at my lead, um, you know, we can go on and on just talking about
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different ones you can listen to, but I like Andy and I like Ed and I like some of those guys because
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they talk a lot about their past of their stories about that quote unquote grind. Um, you know,
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and then challenges they went through and their guests that they have on talk about the same thing.
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You start to understand that's a common denominator. And instead of treating it like this is hard,
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you start treating it like this is necessary and this is awesome. Yeah. And it, and then before you
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know it, that four years, that five years or whatever, that time you gave yourself to get
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through that has happened and you're a new man, that's not as much of a grind. It doesn't even
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seem hard. And maybe you've built new habits, um, and you've grown into that new person. And, uh,
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you know, and then the next season has its chance to be, you know, everything you thought it was
00:23:57.760
going to be. Yep. Agreed. Cool. What's next? William Caleb hair. He says any advice for soon
00:24:07.560
to be father and how to be there for my wife in those first months while also working and doing
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school. I think go back. I don't think I'll answer this one and I'll, I'll tell you why we actually
00:24:19.200
covered this last week podcast. Yeah. And it was basically the same exact question. So go back and
00:24:25.740
listen to that one. Cause Kip and I talk in depth on that. And I thought we did a pretty decent job
00:24:30.580
covering that topic. Yeah. Yeah. It was good. And that was from last week. So that would have been
00:24:36.140
what the 13th? No, let's see. Today's Monday. So 21st. So that'd have been the 14th. Yeah. The AMA for
00:24:43.280
the 14th. Uh, next one, Jose Benavidez, gentlemen, new listener here. Love the podcast. I'm 27 years old
00:24:54.280
and my wife and I have just had our first son three months ago. I work full time and we'll be
00:24:59.840
resuming an engineering degree in the winter. I not only worry about all my responsibilities,
00:25:04.860
making me feel like a bad father whenever I'll have to choose work or school over my family.
00:25:11.440
Although I strive to make them a priority just as I've been since he was born, but also improving
00:25:17.640
my sense of conviction and belief in myself because I've struggled with the opinions of others in general,
00:25:23.820
mental fragility in the past so that I can be a good role model to my son, stay well and best to
00:25:31.540
you and yours. I don't. So this is a constant thing. And this is something I've experienced and
00:25:38.860
I continue to experience. I'm sure Sean, you have as well is this pull between family life and being
00:25:45.200
there and present available for the family and being at work. And what's hard is that I don't think
00:25:52.260
generally women always see us doing work as something for the family. I don't quite understand
00:25:59.520
why that is. I'm obviously not a woman, so it's hard for me to understand, but they sometimes seem
00:26:04.760
to have a hard time connecting the dots between us going to work and us doing that for the family.
00:26:12.260
And I think that's especially true for men who enjoy their work. Like if, for example, I really
00:26:19.380
enjoy what I'm doing, then am I doing it for my family or am I doing it for myself because I like
00:26:24.520
doing it? And I think women really struggle with that. It's like, well, he's not doing it for the
00:26:30.400
family. He's doing it because he loves it. Well, both can exist. I am doing it for the family. And also I
00:26:36.920
really am in a fortunate position that I can do something I love. And I created this, but women
00:26:42.980
have a hard time with that. So that takes a lot of understanding about where she's coming from
00:26:47.060
and being empathetic to that. So I don't think that most guys would choose work over their family.
00:26:55.440
And I think most of us believe that when we do work, we are working for our family.
00:27:00.420
So the best thing that you can do is have lots of conversations. I think with your spouse about
00:27:07.140
what you're doing, why you're doing it, what your expectations are, trying to ask her what her
00:27:13.940
expectations are, and then trying to meet those expectations. Cause if she's, if she's thinking
00:27:18.680
to herself, well, you know, Ryan, you make good money and, uh, but I don't like you traveling.
00:27:24.260
Okay. Well, do I need to travel for my work? I could convince myself in my line of work,
00:27:30.400
that the answer is yes, but the answer is not really. Yes. It's no, I don't, I don't need to
00:27:35.420
travel. We're doing this virtual podcast here. Um, I don't have to do events somewhere else. I don't
00:27:40.580
have to take speaking engagements. There isn't that necessity to do that for income. I can do events
00:27:46.380
here on our property. So there's a lot of things that I can do without having to leave, but I wouldn't
00:27:52.620
know that if I can't sit down and have those conversations with my wife. And that's hard because
00:27:57.380
again, I'm just speaking from my personal experience. I know that when I go to work,
00:28:02.340
I feel like I'm doing this for my family. I genuinely feel like I'm working to provide for
00:28:09.120
my family, to show my sons and daughter, how hard I can work, what opportunities will present
00:28:14.560
themselves. If you're going out and doing hard work and something you love, but she may not always
00:28:20.380
see it like that, your wife that is. And so it's your job to make sure that you get on the same
00:28:25.520
page as best you can and work through the issues that inevitably will come up.
00:28:31.820
That's funny because I wrote down communication and then that's exactly what you talked about.
00:28:38.460
It's, that's so crucial. And that doesn't change by the way, like right now, I think what you said is
00:28:45.380
important to do that with your spouse. But then as your kids grow up in explaining to them, what's
00:28:52.280
happening at work, what's happening in your job, what's happening in your business, whatever it is,
00:28:57.060
so that if you're not at everything, they know why. And they also can expect it. It's worse when,
00:29:05.840
you know, you have fathers that are like, Oh, I'm going to try and make it there, Jimmy. I'm going to
00:29:11.380
try and get off work early. I'm going to try it instead of just being like, you know what,
00:29:14.800
most likely I'm not going to be there, but I promise you, you have this important game coming
00:29:19.880
up. I'm going to be at that one. And you schedule in that non-negotiable and then you don't miss that
00:29:26.520
one. You don't have to be at everything. Yeah. You know, but you don't have to be at every single
00:29:32.360
thing. And as long as that's being communicated, you'd be amazed at how on board your kids are going
00:29:39.540
to be with that. And the same with your spouse, just that communication. And then, like you said,
00:29:46.860
maybe you don't have to travel, but maybe there's a great opportunity and you'd sit down on church
00:29:53.960
and you're like, Hey, look, I have this opportunity to go here. It's to do it. It's going to mean I'm
00:29:59.880
going to be gone for three days. What do we have coming up during that time? What's that going to
00:30:05.000
look like for you? Is that going to be okay? Is that going to be too much? Do you need me around?
00:30:10.080
And you have that conversation way ahead of time before you book it. And then if everything sounds
00:30:17.000
cool, then you go ahead and you do it. But, you know, now they can't be upset about it because you,
00:30:25.500
you had the conversation and you were on the same page and they were on board. And then the only other
00:30:34.480
thought I had was that you have to be an example to your kids of what it takes to be successful.
00:30:42.880
They need to see you working hard. They need to know that there's sacrifices that are given.
00:30:47.720
They need to know that your world does not revolve around just them. I think it's important they
00:30:55.000
understand that. I think if they feel like you drop everything all the time, no matter what,
00:31:03.260
for every little thing that they need, then then when they really need something,
00:31:08.320
the important things maybe get missed or they don't value them as much. And then they definitely
00:31:14.960
may not value what it takes to win. And then that example that like, they don't know that it's hard
00:31:22.000
work and that it takes sacrifice. And they've never seen that in you. And I think of my mom and you
00:31:28.980
are in a similar situation. Like my mom raised three kids on her own most of the time. And she
00:31:34.820
always worked two and three jobs at a time. Now we never had like the nicest clothes and all the stuff.
00:31:40.840
Like I never got all the things I wanted as a kid, but we always had food. We always had, you know,
00:31:46.380
every now and then there was WIC was involved and things like that. And, and, um, we were in that
00:31:52.320
situation, but we never went hungry and we always had a, uh, you know, nice place to live nicer than
00:31:59.040
like back then, like looking back at anything. So, but now I know so many people who have it worse.
00:32:05.660
I'm like, man, my mom did that by herself with three kids. Like I know with my wife and I,
00:32:11.920
and with four kids, how hard that is. Yeah. And that's amazing to me. And I think back like,
00:32:17.180
man, watching her and watching that, watching that sacrifice when I was younger, maybe I thought,
00:32:23.400
man, you know, why didn't she around? Why didn't she at any of my games? Why didn't she miss,
00:32:29.020
you know, like I hit a grand slam in high school. I remember there's no one there,
00:32:33.120
you know, no mom, no dad, no anybody. My girlfriend was there. Um, but that was in,
00:32:38.240
I remember like feeling sad about that as a kid. I look back at that now and it makes me proud of my mom,
00:32:44.080
you know? And, and so it, it goes from that selfish feeling as a kid. Now I understand why
00:32:50.480
and it made me better. Yeah. That was something to think about.
00:32:56.720
You just got to make sure you connect the dots though. Cause kids, like you said,
00:33:00.020
even in high school, kids don't always connect the dots. So you have to explain to them why you're
00:33:05.400
gone, what you're doing, why it's important to sacrifice, the hard work, what you're sacrificing,
00:33:09.940
why it's worth it, all that kind of stuff. Cause if you just assume they'll know,
00:33:13.080
they probably won't. And my mom did it and she didn't do it well, but I do remember her having
00:33:19.380
breakdowns where she was not at something or whatever else, or I was sad about something and
00:33:25.100
she literally broke down and cried, you know, and kind of apologized, but then told me what was going
00:33:30.840
on. And, um, and that, like, I remember a couple of those moments. Um, it wasn't the best way to
00:33:38.280
communicate and it, you know, I don't know if her intention was to help me understand or,
00:33:45.580
you know, what it was, or if she was even just feeling sorry for herself, but either way
00:33:50.920
it was communicated and it helped me to understand it. Yeah. Yeah. But if we're proactive, I think
00:33:57.400
that's a better approach. Yeah, of course, of course. Um, next, next is Steve Maltese.
00:34:06.760
I'd like to start some sort of martial arts, but suffer from a form of vertigo. It isn't always
00:34:13.520
present, but a simple front roll makes me dizzy. What martial art would you recommend or not
00:34:19.560
recommend? Interesting. I don't know. Judo for sure. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. All throws all the
00:34:28.880
time. I don't, I don't know. I don't, I mean, jujitsu might be hard because you're constantly up and
00:34:34.440
down and around and spinning. I don't, I don't know your medical condition. So I think if I were
00:34:40.940
you, again, I don't know the severity of your medical condition, what makes it better? What
00:34:45.520
makes it worse? What exacerbates the problem? If there's a solution, if it's medication, I don't,
00:34:50.500
I mean, I know vertigo is basically a, if I understand correctly, some sort of like imbalance
00:34:55.580
and that might be something going on with your ears or something. I don't, I don't know. I don't
00:34:59.660
exactly know, but, um, yes, I don't know. I would just experiment to the degree that you're able to
00:35:06.880
physically. Again, I don't know the severity of what you're dealing with. Just experiment and see
00:35:10.860
how it goes. You know, maybe it's jujitsu and, but you can't do a certain thing. Okay. Well, just tell
00:35:16.820
your training partner. You can't do that thing. That's, what's cool about jujitsu. Most martial arts
00:35:22.080
are probably like that. Like when I was, as I've tried to recover with my, my pectoral tear,
00:35:27.820
I'll, I'll train. And then I'll just tell the guys, Hey, I can't, I can't do this or, Hey,
00:35:32.160
take it easy on my left arm. Or if I get in a compromising situation, I just tap and I'm like,
00:35:36.600
Hey, stop or switch. Like I'll, I'll even give somebody the same position on my, I'm like, Hey,
00:35:42.780
instead of doing on this side, just switch, do it on this side. So they get in that position and then
00:35:47.180
we reset and go. Um, but you know, maybe it's boxing, maybe it's kickboxing, maybe it's
00:35:51.760
Muay Thai. Um, I don't know. You're standing up more in those sports. That might be harder.
00:35:56.460
You're getting your bell wrong because you're, they're striking. That might make it worse. I
00:36:00.520
don't know. Just a lot of the questions. I just don't, we just don't know the answer to. And so
00:36:05.740
the best thing you can do is just experiment and play around with it and then find one that works
00:36:09.700
for you. That's it. And adapt where you need to. That was my thought. My thought was, I don't think
00:36:15.860
you're going to find one that doesn't have, isn't going to give you an issue. Right. So
00:36:22.060
you're going to have to try different martial arts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that goes for everybody.
00:36:29.200
You can sit and make excuses of why you're not doing it, or you can just start and then deal with
00:36:34.440
that's your issue. There's a lot of gyms that are multidisciplinary as well. So yeah. Especially now.
00:36:41.160
Yeah. Cause the MMA, but you might go to a gym that offers jujitsu and Muay Thai and boxing and
00:36:48.520
wrestling and cool. That's, that's, that's great. Cause then you can try it all and see what works.
00:36:53.840
Or maybe they're working, you know, some sort of move on one night and you're like, well,
00:36:58.280
I can't do that. So on Wednesday night I do kickboxing and on Thursday I do jujitsu. And on Friday I do
00:37:06.960
I like it. Uh, next one is Daniel Garcia says new listener here on episode 30 ish. That's funny.
00:37:18.060
New listener, but I'm episode 30. You're starting. If you're starting from the big,
00:37:23.080
I don't know if he's saying he's starting from the beginning and now he's on episode 30. Cause
00:37:27.080
you have about 800 to go or I've listened to 30. That's yeah. Or maybe he's just listened to 30 so
00:37:34.840
far. I don't know. It's crazy. Cool. Yeah. We're glad you're here. Um, the question business topic,
00:37:40.760
what are some things you wish you could tell your year one self as it relates to business and running
00:37:47.920
a successful entity? I'm in the public accounting field and work with SMB. And I love hearing people's
00:37:58.840
Neither do I. Um, here's what I would say. It's all about marketing. Just learn to become a good
00:38:07.480
marketer. Yes. You need to know your field. You need to know accounting. You're in financial
00:38:11.760
services. You need to know that I'm in, you know, men's work. I need to know that. But at the end of
00:38:16.580
the day, marketing is something that so many professionals skip and it really doesn't matter
00:38:22.000
how great of an accountant you are. If you don't have anybody to talk to, it just doesn't,
00:38:26.520
it just does. It's irrelevant. You could be the best accountant in the world and nobody's talking
00:38:30.840
to you or you can't relate with people or you can't solve people's problems or you can't identify
00:38:35.760
what their problems are in a meaningful and significant way, then nothing else matters.
00:38:39.520
And so that's where so many professionals miss the mark is they forget to market. They think just
00:38:44.320
being good at a thing qualifies them to have all the referrals and leads and business they want.
00:38:49.260
And it just doesn't. I know of so many organizations that their product
00:38:53.840
is inferior to other products out there, but they're absolutely dominating the market because
00:38:59.060
they're really good at marketing and they're really good. I've signed up for a couple of courses
00:39:04.040
over the past couple of weeks and one's really, really good. The content and everything they have
00:39:09.040
is really rich and in depth and deep and good, but their presentation is horrible. And so it looks
00:39:16.680
less valuable. And then there's another one that along the same vein where their content isn't as
00:39:23.820
deep or meaningful or significant, but their marketing and their presentation is beautiful.
00:39:28.900
The way they do videos and the way their funnels and leads and all this kind of stuff works.
00:39:33.520
And that one's more appealing, even though I know that's an inferior product. It just looks better.
00:39:40.220
So don't overlook the importance of how things look, how things are communicated, what they tell
00:39:45.860
people, the ease of your products and services. Accountants can fall into this a lot. Numbers guys,
00:39:53.460
intelligent people fall into this all the time. Like let's talk about all the ones and the zeros and
00:39:57.940
the, this and that that's not what people want. You know, they don't want that. They want to know
00:40:02.360
that they're paying as little taxes as possible. They don't need to know how it's baked. They just need
00:40:06.160
to know that cake is correct. So that's a trap you could fall into and marketing could alleviate and
00:40:11.480
help a lot of that. Even my accountant, they send me stuff and they're like, Hey, I need an 1170 S
00:40:18.180
form signed. I'm like, I don't know what that is. And they're like, Oh, well, it's this form that does
00:40:23.100
this thing. I'm like, cool. Just send it to me and put a little sticky note on it and say, sign here.
00:40:27.440
Like, why are you telling me all that? Like, that's why I hired you. You know, I want to know the
00:40:32.960
basics of what that form is, what I'm signing, what you're doing, but like, don't tell me like,
00:40:40.420
yeah, it's just weird. You know? So just read the room a bit.
00:40:46.120
I'm laughing because I'm the same exact way with my accountant. He'll start explaining
00:40:52.320
anything. And I'm just like, I got to stop you. Like, just send me a text and tell me how much I
00:41:01.420
need to pay, where I need to send it, what to do. Right. And that's it. That's it. All I need.
00:41:07.620
That's all I need. Yep. Yep. So let that be a lesson. Yeah. That's funny. You said marketing
00:41:14.040
because I wrote down, talk to more people faster. So that in my business, I would have talked to more
00:41:20.500
people and I would have done it sooner. Yeah. Instead of, uh, being afraid, being afraid to be
00:41:26.060
uncomfortable, uh, not feeling like I presented it well enough. Uh, none of that mattered because
00:41:33.080
the only way I got better was by talking to more people, faster marketing. And then I got better.
00:41:40.640
So if I would have done that more and I would have done it sooner, I would have gotten better,
00:41:44.840
faster and more articulate. I would have gotten more results. Uh, and the compounding
00:41:50.040
would have happened sooner. And I think of it like front loading a mutual fund, which he's a numbers
00:41:57.060
guy. He'll be able to appreciate this with compound interest. It works best when you front load more
00:42:05.020
into it on the front end. And so more clients you can get in a shorter amount of time on the front end,
00:42:12.060
that's going to compound into your referrals and everything else long-term.
00:42:17.320
You know, it's interesting about that. Cause we were in similar, similar businesses. When I
00:42:23.640
started to become successful, my financial planning practice was when I did exactly what you said,
00:42:28.680
but I did it in a different way. I started recording CDs for my, my first presentation.
00:42:33.980
I started recording and handing out CDs. So I'd hand out CDs to people. And then the only people that
00:42:40.020
would come into my office are the ones that listened to it and liked what I had to say. And so my closing
00:42:44.360
ratio went way up from the first time I met them. So that's what you're saying. More people faster.
00:42:50.100
It's like, because what I was doing before is I would sit down with somebody for an hour
00:42:55.300
and try to convince them they should work with me. And my closing ratio might've been 40 or 60%.
00:43:00.680
I don't even remember what it was. Instead, my closing ratio, when I sat down with somebody
00:43:05.140
after I gave them a CD first, went up to 80 or 90% closing ratio, more people faster.
00:43:11.840
And then it was all just marketing. And people are probably listening, thinking like CDs.
00:43:18.840
Yeah, exactly. Why would you do that? Back then that's all we had. You didn't have all it was.
00:43:24.380
Then I moved over to a podcast and again, more people faster. Cause I had hundreds and then
00:43:31.780
thousands of people listening to me. And I had a doctor reach out and he was a pediatric physician
00:43:35.740
and he reached out and he's like, Hey, I need disability insurance. I'm like, okay,
00:43:39.760
do you know what you're looking for? And he had this laundry list of items that he wanted on
00:43:43.760
disability insurance. And I was like, Whoa, you know a lot about disability insurance. Most people
00:43:48.800
don't know anything about disability insurance. And I said, how are you been shopping around or
00:43:52.720
you've been working with somebody else? Or like, how do you know this much about it? He's like,
00:43:55.440
Oh, I just listened to your podcast. And I wrote down everything you told me I needed.
00:43:58.680
Okay. Got it. So this podcasting thing works. Right. And so I was presenting to a thousand people at a
00:44:05.040
time. And then the people who wanted to qualify themselves to work with me would come to me and
00:44:10.400
more people faster. It's marketing. Yeah. I like it. That's all the questions we have from Facebook,
00:44:18.700
but I have one that I, and it goes with this. He's talking first year. Let's talk about the challenges
00:44:27.960
that you have with success. Most of the questions that we get are the challenges you get when you start.
00:44:33.460
And not many people talk about the challenges they get when they find success. And I've been
00:44:40.340
for whatever reason, talking to a lot of friends and people recently that are very successful.
00:44:46.100
And we've been in more conversations of kind of like the traps or the, the issues or the things
00:44:52.200
that come up as you gain success. And so like now you at the podcast, how many years are you now deep
00:44:59.080
and with order, man? Um, seven and a half. Okay. So seven and a half. And you're, you're in the
00:45:06.500
quote unquote successful range. Now, if you looked at income scope and that's only going to improve.
00:45:13.700
And so would you say that at this point you're at the, where you wanted to be thought you'd be
00:45:20.400
are you larger scale than you hoped? Um, in all those things, are you quote unquote there or not
00:45:29.500
quite? Um, and I'm talking from where you started, cause it's probably different now
00:45:34.940
into your thought in that than when you started. Um, and then now that you are in this
00:45:41.400
success range, what are some of the major things that you didn't think of, or is there anything
00:45:51.960
different now than you thought it would be? You know, what are some thoughts on that?
00:45:55.540
I mean, the biggest thing for me right now is learning to delegate more effectively so that
00:46:00.800
I can have the time that I want with my family and to do the other things that are important to me,
00:46:04.820
but still keep the organization running. So that delegation is important. It's part of the reason
00:46:09.240
you're here. That's part of the reason Kip, uh, co-hosts. And when I can't make it, you guys do
00:46:13.180
a wonderful job. I used to believe I had to do it all. I don't have to do it all. I have to do a lot
00:46:17.960
of it and I have to make sure it gets done, but I don't have to do it all. In fact, you guys bring
00:46:21.840
a dynamic I couldn't bring myself. So that's, that's a value add to the people who would listen,
00:46:26.920
right? Um, whether it's that or having help for the events or, uh, or the way that we run the
00:46:33.800
organization for the iron council or exclusive brotherhood, uh, just, just learning that there's
00:46:39.140
other people that can fit into the puzzle that you should be, should be working with and implementing.
00:46:43.600
So there's that. Um, and then just making sure that we're still growing, that we're still evolving.
00:46:49.260
Cause one thing I've noticed is there's a lot of other organizations that have basically mimicked
00:46:53.240
what we have. And so that's fine. I have no problem with that. There's plenty to go around,
00:46:57.160
but we need to be cutting edge. We need to get out ahead of what they're doing. And we need to think
00:47:01.720
outside of the box and create something that somebody can't just get somewhere else. So I'm constantly
00:47:06.640
thinking about new ways to innovate and evolve and do things that other people aren't doing.
00:47:11.100
So I think those are the two biggest things for me is delegation, um, making sure to let some of it
00:47:15.360
go was still the growth mindset. Uh, and then having, um, uh, having the ability to innovate and evolve
00:47:24.580
as we go. Those are the, those are the biggest things for me. Interesting. That's cool. I mean,
00:47:29.480
there's not much talk about it. I think everybody just assumes that it's like,
00:47:33.740
I put in this work, you know, he talked about seasons. Yeah. And then I thought about it during
00:47:38.800
that question because there's, I think most people start to understand that, but then they think,
00:47:48.440
okay, when this season is over and my, you know, five years or six years or seven years or 10 or
00:47:54.260
whatever it is, is up and I'm going to ride into the sunset and everything's going to be magical and
00:47:59.680
it's going to be easy and, you know, everything else. And, and I don't think necessarily we,
00:48:06.120
we know and understand or think that there's still going to be a push. There's still going to be
00:48:12.300
challenges. There, there's still going to be, um, issues and things and changes. And, you know,
00:48:19.600
obviously the marketplace isn't the same today as it was seven years ago.
00:48:23.480
Right. For what you're doing. And, uh, so you need to evolve and continue shifting your
00:48:30.240
perspective, but then also you're going to grow and change and, you know, dynamics in your life
00:48:36.080
are going to change. And, uh, you know, it's just something to be prepared for, I think, and aware
00:48:42.960
of that. The growth part, I think never changes. Yeah. It shouldn't, you should always grow. I mean,
00:48:51.400
you should always look about, look for ways to grow because you'll just atrophy if you don't,
00:48:56.040
and you don't want that to happen. Clearly, obviously. Yeah. Cool, man. Well, awesome.
00:49:03.080
So we got all the questions on Facebook. That's it. That's every single one.
00:49:07.560
Well, guys, I appreciate the questions. Great questions today. We'll make sure we get this out.
00:49:11.560
This is a Wednesday. We'll be back on Friday for our Friday field notes, but also remember,
00:49:16.080
as we close things out today, we've got the iron council. That's going to be open for about a week
00:49:20.180
now, a little, uh, yeah, about, about exactly a week. And then we shut it down for the rest of the
00:49:25.020
year. We won't be opening up again until the end of end of this year for, for next year. So if you
00:49:29.780
thought about having some accountability, like we talked about earlier, abandoned brothers, guys in your
00:49:34.380
corner, guys that you can communicate with and, and learn from and join different channels,
00:49:39.260
like the faith channel we talked about or sobriety channel or entrepreneurship channel or
00:49:44.400
firearms or fatherhood channel, all of the things that we talked about today, you can find those
00:49:49.240
channels in the iron council. So go check it out at order of man.com slash iron council. Anything
00:49:55.820
else, Sean, from you is, uh, the main event sold out? Is that been sold out for a year? Yeah.
00:50:05.560
A year. Oh, that's so crazy. It's been sold out for a year. In fact, we have people on the waiting
00:50:10.080
list and I don't know how long that waiting list is, but we'll let you guys know when the next one is.
00:50:15.600
That's awesome. And then what about your moose hunt? When is that coming up to? I finished up the
00:50:21.500
main event and then I leave that afternoon for the moose hunt. No, that's awesome. So it'll be
00:50:26.280
crazy. Yeah. Cool. All right, you guys, we'll be back next week or actually Friday until then go
00:50:32.000
out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order
00:50:36.660
of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:50:41.820
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.