Order of Man - Should You Share Your Goals, Avoiding Burnout, and Christianity and Masculinity ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.060 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:05.960 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.360 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.340 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.520 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.800 Sean, what's up, man? Great to see you. It looks like you've got the Order of Man hat on.

00:00:28.080 The same one I do, in fact. I think we've got like five or six colors of this hat now.

00:00:32.020 Yeah, I think I have all five or six.

00:00:34.740 We'll have to come out with some new ones so I can sell you some more stuff.

00:00:39.020 That's right, man. That's my thing is hats. It drives my wife crazy. 1.00

00:00:44.140 I could probably just send you a few. It's the least I can do.

00:00:48.740 Well, good, man. Well, you're filling in for Kip today. I don't know where he is.

00:00:53.320 He just said he needs somebody to fill in. I said, all right, good. I got the guy.

00:00:56.440 So, you've had plenty under your belt with me and him. So, we'll get after our questions today.

00:01:02.180 Before we get started, I want to let the guys know that the Iron Council is officially open.

00:01:06.780 So, if you've considered joining or on the fence or don't even know what it is,

00:01:11.600 head to orderaman.com slash ironcouncil. You can learn more and see what it's all about.

00:01:17.740 And yeah, should be really good. So, check it out.

00:01:20.720 All righty. Questions are coming from the Facebook group today. We got a few. Hopefully,

00:01:27.320 some more will come in as we go if we even get there. But first one's from Michael Van

00:01:33.000 Volkenberg. Okay. He says, is there a balance between sharing your goals to be held accountable

00:01:39.120 and telling everyone your business? Do you think a man should stay silent and quote unquote,

00:01:44.600 let them see the results? Yeah. I don't know about the balance necessarily. We can talk about

00:01:52.040 that. But I would say that he said sharing with everybody. You don't need to share with everybody

00:01:57.620 because what is the point of that? In my mind, if you're going to share a goal or an objective,

00:02:03.580 even with your spouse, I think it is purely for some level of accountability. Otherwise,

00:02:14.260 why are you sharing? I read an article that said, and I don't know if this is just pseudoscience,

00:02:19.880 but it said basically that when people share what they're going to do, they get some accolades and

00:02:27.700 they automatically experience the benefit of actually doing the thing. So, let me give you an example.

00:02:31.600 If you said, for example, on Facebook, hey guys, I'm so excited. I've decided to run a marathon.

00:02:39.340 Look in the comments, the comments, there's going to be a ton of cheers and thumbs up. And the comments

00:02:44.560 are like, that's awesome. You're amazing. Way to go. Congrats. That's going to be so cool. Well,

00:02:50.460 hold on a second. You actually haven't even done anything yet. You haven't even started training yet.

00:02:55.500 You just punched away at your thumbs and said that you're going to do a thing.

00:02:59.540 Well, way to think about it. Right. Congratulations. You thought about doing

00:03:04.400 something as we all have. So, it's fine. Share that, but only if there's a desired outcome in

00:03:10.900 sharing it. And that would be that somebody is going to hold you accountable, or maybe you share

00:03:16.580 it with somebody who's qualified in whatever you're doing, and they could give you some guidance and

00:03:21.240 direction and input on what it is that you want to accomplish. So, if we go back to that marathon

00:03:26.120 example, I think it would be worthwhile to share that with a circle of friends who you have,

00:03:31.920 who have run marathons before. Because then what they're going to do is they're going to say,

00:03:36.580 oh man, that's awesome. Here's a couple of training resources I have, or make sure you hydrate

00:03:41.780 properly, or hey, here's a great resource on how to get the best stride or whatever it is.

00:03:48.160 And then you're going to get the accountability and you're also going to get the resources. So,

00:03:51.200 don't just share it with everybody willy-nilly. There's no point in doing that other than just

00:03:56.260 the pats on the back, which feels good, but doesn't do anything. And be selective with who

00:04:00.420 you share it with, is what I would say. I would agree with that, but also add that there's also

00:04:06.720 power in marketing. And so, the most powerful marketing really is word of mouth. And as you said,

00:04:15.680 you need to have your radar up. So, you don't necessarily need to share it with every single

00:04:20.740 person you come across, but you need to find value in conversations and helping to fill needs.

00:04:29.920 So, you have, maybe it's a product or a service that you offer, and that radar should always be up.

00:04:37.320 So, you should always be ready to talk about it. And when the topic comes up, when you find a need,

00:04:43.560 or when you're talking to somebody who maybe they know of somebody who has a need, or maybe they're

00:04:48.800 a center of influence and you figure that out, that you're ready to share with them, but you know,

00:04:55.920 you don't just lay it on every single person you come across. So, there's some tact involved

00:05:01.840 in how you share. And the better you get at that really involves your listening instead of you just

00:05:09.440 sharing. So, the more you listen, the more you pay attention, the more you stay involved in

00:05:15.960 conversation with people and listen to them as you're engaging, you'll find more opportunity to

00:05:21.660 share. But it's going to be appropriate. And it's going to be more useful and valuable to you because

00:05:28.100 you're not going to be catching people off guard. You're not going to be that guy who makes people

00:05:33.420 feel uncomfortable. It's like, oh no, here comes Larry and he's going to be talking about his thing

00:05:39.640 again or whatever it is. And honestly, I know guys who do that and they're still very successful doing

00:05:46.080 that. But I see guys who are even more successful that still are able to share with everyone they know,

00:05:55.860 but they do it tactfully. So, I think pay attention to how you're sharing and when and get more masterful

00:06:05.720 at that. And that'll highly benefit you. But definitely, the let them stay silent and let

00:06:14.820 them see the results, I don't think that serves anybody, honestly. Definitely don't take it to that

00:06:20.940 extreme. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I like it. All right. What's next? Next one is Derek Marsh. He says,

00:06:29.980 I've followed order of man for a little less than a year now. And I've loved how outspoken and forward

00:06:35.680 you are about men holding ourselves accountable for being protectors, providers, and presiders.

00:06:40.500 As a man of faith and seeing the things going on in the world, do you see a greater demand

00:06:45.840 for Christians to be emboldened to stand for Christian values? And do you think order of man

00:06:52.480 has brought so many men together for you to be able to spread these values as a believer?

00:07:00.080 Yes and yes. I mean, what are, I think we need to ask what are Christian values?

00:07:05.940 You know, because there could be some misinterpretation about that, but honesty,

00:07:10.480 integrity, integrity, hard work, when you mess things up, make them right, traditional family

00:07:16.080 values, you know, virtuous living, all the things that I screw up on all the time. And so should

00:07:25.000 those, should we talk about those more? Yeah, of course. Of course we should. And has, I feel like

00:07:31.240 there's a hidden question in here because it's almost, you're asking rhetorical questions and not

00:07:38.040 trying to beat the question up, but there's a, there's a different question you're asking. This

00:07:41.800 is not the real question you're asking. You might not even be asking a question. You might be saying,

00:07:46.400 maybe I'm just interpreting it through my lens is you should talk more about Christianity.

00:07:51.200 That, that, when I, when I hear these, this question, that's what comes to mind.

00:07:55.480 You should talk more about it. And I will, when I feel it's necessary and important. In fact,

00:08:01.540 I've talked about it a lot more. And I'm trying to rebuild my, the spiritual component of my life.

00:08:06.280 It's very important to me. And I've let that go over the past couple of years. So you're going

00:08:11.460 to hear me talk more about it. Um, but then I would encourage you to talk about it. Like, don't,

00:08:17.240 don't worry too much about what I'm doing. Like you talk about it and you can talk about it here.

00:08:21.180 You can talk about it in the face Facebook group. You can talk about it in our brotherhood,

00:08:24.960 the iron council. But if you feel like there's a need for Christian values and talking more about it,

00:08:30.460 then by all means do that. We should be able to have those conversations. And we have a faith

00:08:35.220 channel in the iron council where guys from all different faiths are talking about their faith,

00:08:41.420 their beliefs, their, their, their value system. Um, and so, yeah, I, I would highly, highly encourage

00:08:48.060 you to do what's on your heart and do what's on your mind, but yeah, absolutely. Christian values

00:08:53.080 are crucial. And, and by the way, if, if you were to extrapolate the supernatural part of,

00:09:00.200 of Christianity, I think 99.9% of us would agree that that's all good living. Like, so that's why

00:09:12.420 I kind of wonder if it's a rhetorical question and you're instead saying you should just talk about

00:09:17.880 it more. I don't know. Do you interpret it that way or do you interpret it differently?

00:09:22.780 I felt that way with the question. I felt like you did. So that's funny that you said that because

00:09:27.520 I felt the same, I, I feel like when there's some guys and I'm not saying that's him, I'm not,

00:09:34.080 I'm not picking on Derek here, but there's some guys that ask those questions to, to kind of validate

00:09:41.160 their, um, maybe Christianity, but just validate the fact that they, um, you know, aren't afraid to,

00:09:51.740 um, take on the name of Jesus Christ. Right. I mean, that's one of the things that we do when

00:09:58.000 we get baptized, but simultaneously, like you said, I feel like those values supersede just

00:10:05.940 Christianity. And one of the thoughts I had literally, as I was reading the question is that

00:10:11.480 like, just because you're Christian and we have those values doesn't mean that

00:10:17.060 you have to be Christian to agree. And so I think that's where the, the line is, is that a lot of 0.93

00:10:25.880 times, um, there's a difference between taking on the name of Jesus Christ and pushing Christianity

00:10:37.180 down people's throats. And it kind of goes hand in hand with the first question, right? And when do

00:10:42.420 you share, do you just share to everybody how often, and I think of, as you were talking,

00:10:49.500 it made me think of Mustafa and the iron council. I was thinking the same. Oh, really? That's, uh,

00:10:55.760 you know, Mustafa brings so much value to the entire IC and he's Muslim. Um, but he has the same values.

00:11:01.520 So he's not Christian, but the core of his values are the same. And so it's, uh, you know,

00:11:09.000 understanding that if we were just a Christian movement, then you'd be excluding a valuable

00:11:14.680 member of the IC and, and his circle of influence and, and, um, not just a member of the IC, I mean,

00:11:21.380 just, just the value that he brings to us to grow as men. And so, um, I think you're right with the

00:11:28.860 values are there. Um, and the fact that we happen to be Christian is important, but I think the

00:11:35.960 important part also of Christianity, we also have to be careful because a lot of questions like this

00:11:41.760 are also kind of like, they almost are looking for you to be perfect in those values. And so I think

00:11:49.840 when we, if we're going to talk about Christian values, the things we can't forget are repentance,

00:11:56.680 accountability, uh, for me and that we have an enemy. And so I, I thought a lot about that this

00:12:04.620 morning, I was out building a deck next to our pond, finishing it up. And, and one of my boys got

00:12:10.920 up, Brody got up with me at 6am and helped me finish out. And I was down and I was like, this is

00:12:16.140 such a cool thing to do. And to be involved, our whole family helped build this thing while Jamie's

00:12:20.620 out of town. We're surprising her with it. When she comes back, it'll be done. That's cool. But it was,

00:12:25.580 you know, I thought about that and our ability to spend the time. Um, and that throughout that,

00:12:32.820 I had a lot of lessons for myself as a father, like being patient, you know, not being short with

00:12:38.940 them, catching myself, um, wanting to be a better father. And it made me think like,

00:12:44.460 even in something like that, that we, that I did together made it a family activity.

00:12:50.160 There were things, there were seeds that were, there were things happening that could have

00:12:54.340 destroyed that as a positive experience and made it a negative. And for me, my belief is that

00:13:01.080 that's the enemy working on trying to divide our family. And so that can happen in anything. And,

00:13:06.920 and my awareness of that helps me to constantly be able to fight it. So, you know, if we're talking

00:13:15.540 Christian values, I think that's an important, I think we look at just the commandments and then we,

00:13:20.640 when we don't hold to those commandments, then we kind of, um, I guess, judge people for it

00:13:27.840 or can judge people for it. When, you know, we also need to understand repent, repentance and

00:13:37.320 forgiveness and the accountability that comes with that and grace and, you know, be mindful of those

00:13:44.660 things, um, and be good examples of all of it. And so, you know, like you said, I almost feel like

00:13:51.260 these questions are, are kind of traps sometimes. Um, but I think as Christians, it's important that

00:14:00.060 we don't make it that and that we make it all inclusive, uh, at the same time, you know, and

00:14:06.240 when I say all inclusive, I'm not talking in a woke sense. I'm just saying there, you know, I hope

00:14:11.620 I articulated it well, but yeah, no, I, I think you're right. I look, I mean, you're, you're spot on

00:14:16.920 with everything you said. And the only thing I would add to that is sometimes I feel like we look

00:14:23.140 to other people or movements, organizations, businesses. And we think because we have some

00:14:32.040 sort of an affinity or connection with them because we believe in what they're doing. Like people

00:14:36.140 believe in what we do here with order of man that, well, we should just do it this way.

00:14:41.220 And I don't, I don't actually mind suggestions. I think the suggestions that people make here are

00:14:47.100 great and they're valuable, but also let's not forget that we have an opportunity as individuals

00:14:52.820 to share a message, to spread a message. So if there's something that you feel like needs to be

00:14:56.780 shared, then you share it. Like don't, don't always look for, and again, I don't, I don't think this is

00:15:01.760 what he's doing here necessarily, but don't always be so quick to hope that other people will do what

00:15:07.320 you think they should do or what you want them to do and do it yourself. Like you share that

00:15:12.960 message. You talk about that. You bring that up. You start a movement. You start an organization.

00:15:17.100 You start a men's thing at church. These are all things that you can do and are fully within your

00:15:21.860 control. And we've been advocating for that for almost eight years now. So let's not forget that

00:15:27.740 we have a tremendous opportunity and power ourselves as individuals to do things within our families and

00:15:32.720 communities and the areas in which we operate. Yeah. And you're right though. It is. Yes.

00:15:38.920 Like it's definitely needed. Those, the, those values are slipping or in fact, I mean, if you just

00:15:44.920 look to statistically at crime rates and divorces and you know, the things that strengthen are really

00:15:52.840 the foundation of our country, that's slipping away because of a lack of those values. Yeah. Yeah,

00:15:58.420 definitely. Cool. What's next. Next is Joel Stotton says I've spent the last two years working full

00:16:05.200 time overnight while going to nursing school during the day. My current job as a mental health tech is

00:16:10.900 exhausting and recently have become a new dad, which has its own level of exhaustion. He said in

00:16:18.520 parentheses, super dad to be a dad though. Super happy to be a dad though. I continue to grind to

00:16:24.380 provide for my family, but how can I combat burnout? So I think the first time overnight.

00:16:33.160 Yeah. Well, look, there's seasons to life, right? And I think the first thing you need to recognize

00:16:41.140 is that this is not a permanent thing that you're, you're going to school, you've got a new kid,

00:16:46.620 you're working overnight and that's really challenging. And I wish I could tell you if you do this,

00:16:52.040 A, B and C that you won't be burned out on all the stuff. The fact of the matter is, is that

00:16:56.940 something's going to have to give and it will at some point, right? School semesters will be wrapping

00:17:01.580 up. Your, your, your child will get older, which makes it easier. There's not as much intensive care

00:17:07.820 needed for a child as they get older. That's not to say things aren't replaced. Cause now, you know,

00:17:12.560 I was thinking about it. My wife is out of town this past weekend and I went, let's see,

00:17:18.920 Wednesday was dance class in a town that was 45 minutes away. Thursday. I had one son who had

00:17:25.420 practice and football practice and another son who had a game. Uh, Friday, we had a game for my oldest

00:17:32.560 son. Saturday, we had a game for my second son, you know, Sunday, yesterday, just church and things

00:17:38.320 around here. Oh. And then they had lifting that afternoon, my two oldest boys. So it's like,

00:17:43.340 it never completely goes away. It changes, but you also get more capable of dealing with it,

00:17:50.100 but also know that it's just seasons. And so, yeah, you're going to have to put the nose to the

00:17:54.520 grindstone for a little bit and just deal with it. Now, what can you do? You can manage your time

00:17:59.560 more effectively. Uh, you can make sure that you're communicating effectively with your wife.

00:18:03.800 So she knows what work is going to look like and what your schedule is like. Cause you don't want to

00:18:08.460 put a bunch of unnecessary and undue stress and burden on her or the relationship. Uh, you can

00:18:14.860 make sure that you carve out a little time for your own wellbeing. So that's physical, uh, intellectual,

00:18:20.860 emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. It's crucial, crucial that you do that. And that doesn't need to

00:18:26.660 be, need to be, you know, an hours and hours a day, but if you can get up and you can get a 20 minute

00:18:32.240 workout in somewhere in there, uh, and you could read, you know, four or five pages of a good book.

00:18:37.360 Uh, you could do a little meditation or prayer or even scripture study, or even on your way to

00:18:42.800 class or to work, you could pull up a devotional app to hit that spiritual element. Um, I use,

00:18:49.860 I started using, uh, an app that I've, that's been very helpful for me. Um, uh, where is it?

00:18:58.800 I think it's just called the Bible app and it has a daily devotional on it. That's really good.

00:19:03.840 And it's very short and I can just listen to it. They have plans in there. Like,

00:19:07.100 I'll just pull it up. Um, let's see different plans. So like, here's some, here's some topics

00:19:15.080 of plans, love, anxiety, healing, anger, hope, depression, fear, peace, patient stress,

00:19:20.620 uh, loss, jealousy, uh, temptation. So if I were just to click on the temptation,

00:19:25.760 uh, you know, there's a bunch of different plans. Like here's one facing the giant of addiction.

00:19:31.200 So if I were to click on that one, uh, it's going to give me, let me start this plan. So,

00:19:37.140 so it gives me seven. It's actually, this one is a 30 day plan. And what it does is it does one

00:19:45.520 devotional. So that's just a topic or like a quick message. And then it gives me a scripture that goes

00:19:51.740 with it. And so I can listen to that one every day for 30 days. And that's that plan. So there's

00:19:57.540 like cool stuff in there that you could listen to on the way to work or school. Um, and then the

00:20:02.760 emotional side is for me is just experiencing your emotions. That could be journaling, um, coming to

00:20:09.800 terms with what you're feeling, what you're experiencing, even doing deeper work about why

00:20:15.980 you're feeling that way. Uh, maybe there's therapy in there that you could go to, or a band of brothers

00:20:21.280 that you could talk with. So hitting those four physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual,

00:20:26.260 are things that you can do that I think will keep you sane and actually make you more productive

00:20:33.020 in your, your busy schedule. Yeah. I like what you said with, uh, there's seasons and it's,

00:20:43.820 here's the thing you will burn out if it stays that way. But, you know, for me, I, I think of when

00:20:54.460 I started my business, I started out saying, okay, I'm going to get five years of my everything.

00:20:59.980 And then five years turned into, all right, well, I'm going to give at least 10 years

00:21:06.160 and then 10 years turned into, well, I'm just going to always do it this way. And so, but what

00:21:13.600 happened was, is instead of just that grind, I just built my work ethic where I was always doing

00:21:21.280 something, but I learned how to spread it out and I learned how to balance and learn how to plan

00:21:25.980 things in and delegate, hit all the quadrants. Uh, one of the things that, that I did think of

00:21:33.320 is that when you are in that season though, just make sure that you don't burn out the family

00:21:39.520 by forgetting to do some fundamental things like date nights, uh, make sure you continue to schedule

00:21:46.260 that, especially with the new kid. And especially with your first one, it's real easy to forget to

00:21:51.100 do that and to spend that time just together with you and your spouse. So make sure you're still

00:21:56.640 planning those in, uh, putting those into your schedule ahead of time, fitting those in for just you

00:22:03.040 and your wife, getting a babysitter, um, see a lot of new parents kind of mess that up. And then they, 1.00

00:22:08.460 they get more friction in their, you know, their, their relationship. And that makes everything

00:22:14.860 harder. So just make sure you continue that and, um, and then embrace it. And instead of

00:22:22.340 thinking of it as a grind, it's just a means to an end. And there's nobody you're going to meet

00:22:28.640 that's successful in anything that they do that hasn't had to go through it, not just what you're

00:22:34.940 going through, but possibly even worse or harder or more hours. And so I think what you said, and not

00:22:41.400 just devotionals, but also paying attention, you know, if you want to help reinforce the path that

00:22:46.420 you're on, start listening to good podcasts of successful people. Um, you know, what, whether

00:22:52.280 it's guys like Andy for sale at my lead, um, you know, we can go on and on just talking about

00:23:00.260 different ones you can listen to, but I like Andy and I like Ed and I like some of those guys because

00:23:05.320 they talk a lot about their past of their stories about that quote unquote grind. Um, you know,

00:23:12.560 and then challenges they went through and their guests that they have on talk about the same thing.

00:23:17.300 You start to understand that's a common denominator. And instead of treating it like this is hard,

00:23:23.780 you start treating it like this is necessary and this is awesome. Yeah. And it, and then before you

00:23:32.560 know it, that four years, that five years or whatever, that time you gave yourself to get

00:23:37.180 through that has happened and you're a new man, that's not as much of a grind. It doesn't even

00:23:43.140 seem hard. And maybe you've built new habits, um, and you've grown into that new person. And, uh,

00:23:52.200 you know, and then the next season has its chance to be, you know, everything you thought it was

00:23:57.760 going to be. Yep. Agreed. Cool. What's next? William Caleb hair. He says any advice for soon

00:24:07.560 to be father and how to be there for my wife in those first months while also working and doing

00:24:13.400 school. I think go back. I don't think I'll answer this one and I'll, I'll tell you why we actually

00:24:19.200 covered this last week podcast. Yeah. And it was basically the same exact question. So go back and

00:24:25.740 listen to that one. Cause Kip and I talk in depth on that. And I thought we did a pretty decent job

00:24:30.580 covering that topic. Yeah. Yeah. It was good. And that was from last week. So that would have been

00:24:36.140 what the 13th? No, let's see. Today's Monday. So 21st. So that'd have been the 14th. Yeah. The AMA for

00:24:43.280 the 14th. Uh, next one, Jose Benavidez, gentlemen, new listener here. Love the podcast. I'm 27 years old

00:24:54.280 and my wife and I have just had our first son three months ago. I work full time and we'll be

00:24:59.840 resuming an engineering degree in the winter. I not only worry about all my responsibilities,

00:25:04.860 making me feel like a bad father whenever I'll have to choose work or school over my family.

00:25:11.440 Although I strive to make them a priority just as I've been since he was born, but also improving

00:25:17.640 my sense of conviction and belief in myself because I've struggled with the opinions of others in general,

00:25:23.820 mental fragility in the past so that I can be a good role model to my son, stay well and best to

00:25:31.540 you and yours. I don't. So this is a constant thing. And this is something I've experienced and

00:25:38.860 I continue to experience. I'm sure Sean, you have as well is this pull between family life and being

00:25:45.200 there and present available for the family and being at work. And what's hard is that I don't think

00:25:52.260 generally women always see us doing work as something for the family. I don't quite understand

00:25:59.520 why that is. I'm obviously not a woman, so it's hard for me to understand, but they sometimes seem

00:26:04.760 to have a hard time connecting the dots between us going to work and us doing that for the family.

00:26:12.260 And I think that's especially true for men who enjoy their work. Like if, for example, I really

00:26:19.380 enjoy what I'm doing, then am I doing it for my family or am I doing it for myself because I like

00:26:24.520 doing it? And I think women really struggle with that. It's like, well, he's not doing it for the

00:26:30.400 family. He's doing it because he loves it. Well, both can exist. I am doing it for the family. And also I

00:26:36.920 really am in a fortunate position that I can do something I love. And I created this, but women 1.00

00:26:42.980 have a hard time with that. So that takes a lot of understanding about where she's coming from

00:26:47.060 and being empathetic to that. So I don't think that most guys would choose work over their family.

00:26:55.440 And I think most of us believe that when we do work, we are working for our family.

00:27:00.420 So the best thing that you can do is have lots of conversations. I think with your spouse about

00:27:07.140 what you're doing, why you're doing it, what your expectations are, trying to ask her what her

00:27:13.940 expectations are, and then trying to meet those expectations. Cause if she's, if she's thinking

00:27:18.680 to herself, well, you know, Ryan, you make good money and, uh, but I don't like you traveling.

00:27:24.260 Okay. Well, do I need to travel for my work? I could convince myself in my line of work,

00:27:30.400 that the answer is yes, but the answer is not really. Yes. It's no, I don't, I don't need to

00:27:35.420 travel. We're doing this virtual podcast here. Um, I don't have to do events somewhere else. I don't

00:27:40.580 have to take speaking engagements. There isn't that necessity to do that for income. I can do events

00:27:46.380 here on our property. So there's a lot of things that I can do without having to leave, but I wouldn't

00:27:52.620 know that if I can't sit down and have those conversations with my wife. And that's hard because

00:27:57.380 again, I'm just speaking from my personal experience. I know that when I go to work,

00:28:02.340 I feel like I'm doing this for my family. I genuinely feel like I'm working to provide for

00:28:09.120 my family, to show my sons and daughter, how hard I can work, what opportunities will present

00:28:14.560 themselves. If you're going out and doing hard work and something you love, but she may not always

00:28:20.380 see it like that, your wife that is. And so it's your job to make sure that you get on the same

00:28:25.520 page as best you can and work through the issues that inevitably will come up.

00:28:31.820 That's funny because I wrote down communication and then that's exactly what you talked about.

00:28:38.460 It's, that's so crucial. And that doesn't change by the way, like right now, I think what you said is

00:28:45.380 important to do that with your spouse. But then as your kids grow up in explaining to them, what's

00:28:52.280 happening at work, what's happening in your job, what's happening in your business, whatever it is,

00:28:57.060 so that if you're not at everything, they know why. And they also can expect it. It's worse when,

00:29:05.840 you know, you have fathers that are like, Oh, I'm going to try and make it there, Jimmy. I'm going to

00:29:11.380 try and get off work early. I'm going to try it instead of just being like, you know what,

00:29:14.800 most likely I'm not going to be there, but I promise you, you have this important game coming

00:29:19.880 up. I'm going to be at that one. And you schedule in that non-negotiable and then you don't miss that

00:29:26.520 one. You don't have to be at everything. Yeah. You know, but you don't have to be at every single

00:29:32.360 thing. And as long as that's being communicated, you'd be amazed at how on board your kids are going

00:29:39.540 to be with that. And the same with your spouse, just that communication. And then, like you said,

00:29:46.860 maybe you don't have to travel, but maybe there's a great opportunity and you'd sit down on church

00:29:53.960 and you're like, Hey, look, I have this opportunity to go here. It's to do it. It's going to mean I'm

00:29:59.880 going to be gone for three days. What do we have coming up during that time? What's that going to

00:30:05.000 look like for you? Is that going to be okay? Is that going to be too much? Do you need me around?

00:30:10.080 And you have that conversation way ahead of time before you book it. And then if everything sounds

00:30:17.000 cool, then you go ahead and you do it. But, you know, now they can't be upset about it because you,

00:30:25.500 you had the conversation and you were on the same page and they were on board. And then the only other

00:30:34.480 thought I had was that you have to be an example to your kids of what it takes to be successful.

00:30:42.880 They need to see you working hard. They need to know that there's sacrifices that are given.

00:30:47.720 They need to know that your world does not revolve around just them. I think it's important they

00:30:55.000 understand that. I think if they feel like you drop everything all the time, no matter what,

00:31:03.260 for every little thing that they need, then then when they really need something,

00:31:08.320 the important things maybe get missed or they don't value them as much. And then they definitely

00:31:14.960 may not value what it takes to win. And then that example that like, they don't know that it's hard

00:31:22.000 work and that it takes sacrifice. And they've never seen that in you. And I think of my mom and you

00:31:28.980 are in a similar situation. Like my mom raised three kids on her own most of the time. And she 0.87

00:31:34.820 always worked two and three jobs at a time. Now we never had like the nicest clothes and all the stuff.

00:31:40.840 Like I never got all the things I wanted as a kid, but we always had food. We always had, you know,

00:31:46.380 every now and then there was WIC was involved and things like that. And, and, um, we were in that

00:31:52.320 situation, but we never went hungry and we always had a, uh, you know, nice place to live nicer than

00:31:59.040 like back then, like looking back at anything. So, but now I know so many people who have it worse.

00:32:05.660 I'm like, man, my mom did that by herself with three kids. Like I know with my wife and I,

00:32:11.920 and with four kids, how hard that is. Yeah. And that's amazing to me. And I think back like,

00:32:17.180 man, watching her and watching that, watching that sacrifice when I was younger, maybe I thought,

00:32:23.400 man, you know, why didn't she around? Why didn't she at any of my games? Why didn't she miss, 0.90

00:32:29.020 you know, like I hit a grand slam in high school. I remember there's no one there,

00:32:33.120 you know, no mom, no dad, no anybody. My girlfriend was there. Um, but that was in,

00:32:38.240 I remember like feeling sad about that as a kid. I look back at that now and it makes me proud of my mom,

00:32:44.080 you know? And, and so it, it goes from that selfish feeling as a kid. Now I understand why

00:32:50.480 and it made me better. Yeah. That was something to think about.

00:32:56.720 You just got to make sure you connect the dots though. Cause kids, like you said,

00:33:00.020 even in high school, kids don't always connect the dots. So you have to explain to them why you're

00:33:05.400 gone, what you're doing, why it's important to sacrifice, the hard work, what you're sacrificing,

00:33:09.940 why it's worth it, all that kind of stuff. Cause if you just assume they'll know,

00:33:13.080 they probably won't. And my mom did it and she didn't do it well, but I do remember her having

00:33:19.380 breakdowns where she was not at something or whatever else, or I was sad about something and

00:33:25.100 she literally broke down and cried, you know, and kind of apologized, but then told me what was going

00:33:30.840 on. And, um, and that, like, I remember a couple of those moments. Um, it wasn't the best way to

00:33:38.280 communicate and it, you know, I don't know if her intention was to help me understand or,

00:33:45.580 you know, what it was, or if she was even just feeling sorry for herself, but either way

00:33:50.920 it was communicated and it helped me to understand it. Yeah. Yeah. But if we're proactive, I think

00:33:57.400 that's a better approach. Yeah, of course, of course. Um, next, next is Steve Maltese.

00:34:06.760 I'd like to start some sort of martial arts, but suffer from a form of vertigo. It isn't always

00:34:13.520 present, but a simple front roll makes me dizzy. What martial art would you recommend or not

00:34:19.560 recommend? Interesting. I don't know. Judo for sure. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. All throws all the

00:34:28.880 time. I don't, I don't know. I don't, I mean, jujitsu might be hard because you're constantly up and

00:34:34.440 down and around and spinning. I don't, I don't know your medical condition. So I think if I were

00:34:40.940 you, again, I don't know the severity of your medical condition, what makes it better? What

00:34:45.520 makes it worse? What exacerbates the problem? If there's a solution, if it's medication, I don't,

00:34:50.500 I mean, I know vertigo is basically a, if I understand correctly, some sort of like imbalance

00:34:55.580 and that might be something going on with your ears or something. I don't, I don't know. I don't

00:34:59.660 exactly know, but, um, yes, I don't know. I would just experiment to the degree that you're able to

00:35:06.880 physically. Again, I don't know the severity of what you're dealing with. Just experiment and see

00:35:10.860 how it goes. You know, maybe it's jujitsu and, but you can't do a certain thing. Okay. Well, just tell

00:35:16.820 your training partner. You can't do that thing. That's, what's cool about jujitsu. Most martial arts

00:35:22.080 are probably like that. Like when I was, as I've tried to recover with my, my pectoral tear,

00:35:27.820 I'll, I'll train. And then I'll just tell the guys, Hey, I can't, I can't do this or, Hey,

00:35:32.160 take it easy on my left arm. Or if I get in a compromising situation, I just tap and I'm like,

00:35:36.600 Hey, stop or switch. Like I'll, I'll even give somebody the same position on my, I'm like, Hey,

00:35:42.780 instead of doing on this side, just switch, do it on this side. So they get in that position and then

00:35:47.180 we reset and go. Um, but you know, maybe it's boxing, maybe it's kickboxing, maybe it's

00:35:51.760 Muay Thai. Um, I don't know. You're standing up more in those sports. That might be harder.

00:35:56.460 You're getting your bell wrong because you're, they're striking. That might make it worse. I

00:36:00.520 don't know. Just a lot of the questions. I just don't, we just don't know the answer to. And so

00:36:05.740 the best thing you can do is just experiment and play around with it and then find one that works

00:36:09.700 for you. That's it. And adapt where you need to. That was my thought. My thought was, I don't think

00:36:15.860 you're going to find one that doesn't have, isn't going to give you an issue. Right. So

00:36:22.060 you're going to have to try different martial arts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that goes for everybody.

00:36:29.200 You can sit and make excuses of why you're not doing it, or you can just start and then deal with

00:36:34.440 that's your issue. There's a lot of gyms that are multidisciplinary as well. So yeah. Especially now.

00:36:41.160 Yeah. Cause the MMA, but you might go to a gym that offers jujitsu and Muay Thai and boxing and

00:36:48.520 wrestling and cool. That's, that's, that's great. Cause then you can try it all and see what works.

00:36:53.840 Or maybe they're working, you know, some sort of move on one night and you're like, well,

00:36:58.280 I can't do that. So on Wednesday night I do kickboxing and on Thursday I do jujitsu. And on Friday I do

00:37:04.600 judo, whatever, whatever. Right.

00:37:06.960 I like it. Uh, next one is Daniel Garcia says new listener here on episode 30 ish. That's funny.

00:37:18.060 New listener, but I'm episode 30. You're starting. If you're starting from the big,

00:37:23.080 I don't know if he's saying he's starting from the beginning and now he's on episode 30. Cause

00:37:27.080 you have about 800 to go or I've listened to 30. That's yeah. Or maybe he's just listened to 30 so

00:37:34.840 far. I don't know. It's crazy. Cool. Yeah. We're glad you're here. Um, the question business topic,

00:37:40.760 what are some things you wish you could tell your year one self as it relates to business and running

00:37:47.920 a successful entity? I'm in the public accounting field and work with SMB. And I love hearing people's

00:37:55.920 answer. I don't know what SMB is.

00:37:58.840 Neither do I. Um, here's what I would say. It's all about marketing. Just learn to become a good

00:38:07.480 marketer. Yes. You need to know your field. You need to know accounting. You're in financial

00:38:11.760 services. You need to know that I'm in, you know, men's work. I need to know that. But at the end of

00:38:16.580 the day, marketing is something that so many professionals skip and it really doesn't matter

00:38:22.000 how great of an accountant you are. If you don't have anybody to talk to, it just doesn't,

00:38:26.520 it just does. It's irrelevant. You could be the best accountant in the world and nobody's talking

00:38:30.840 to you or you can't relate with people or you can't solve people's problems or you can't identify

00:38:35.760 what their problems are in a meaningful and significant way, then nothing else matters.

00:38:39.520 And so that's where so many professionals miss the mark is they forget to market. They think just

00:38:44.320 being good at a thing qualifies them to have all the referrals and leads and business they want.

00:38:49.260 And it just doesn't. I know of so many organizations that their product

00:38:53.840 is inferior to other products out there, but they're absolutely dominating the market because

00:38:59.060 they're really good at marketing and they're really good. I've signed up for a couple of courses

00:39:04.040 over the past couple of weeks and one's really, really good. The content and everything they have

00:39:09.040 is really rich and in depth and deep and good, but their presentation is horrible. And so it looks

00:39:16.680 less valuable. And then there's another one that along the same vein where their content isn't as

00:39:23.820 deep or meaningful or significant, but their marketing and their presentation is beautiful.

00:39:28.900 The way they do videos and the way their funnels and leads and all this kind of stuff works.

00:39:33.520 And that one's more appealing, even though I know that's an inferior product. It just looks better.

00:39:40.220 So don't overlook the importance of how things look, how things are communicated, what they tell

00:39:45.860 people, the ease of your products and services. Accountants can fall into this a lot. Numbers guys,

00:39:53.460 intelligent people fall into this all the time. Like let's talk about all the ones and the zeros and

00:39:57.940 the, this and that that's not what people want. You know, they don't want that. They want to know

00:40:02.360 that they're paying as little taxes as possible. They don't need to know how it's baked. They just need

00:40:06.160 to know that cake is correct. So that's a trap you could fall into and marketing could alleviate and

00:40:11.480 help a lot of that. Even my accountant, they send me stuff and they're like, Hey, I need an 1170 S

00:40:18.180 form signed. I'm like, I don't know what that is. And they're like, Oh, well, it's this form that does

00:40:23.100 this thing. I'm like, cool. Just send it to me and put a little sticky note on it and say, sign here.

00:40:27.440 Like, why are you telling me all that? Like, that's why I hired you. You know, I want to know the

00:40:32.960 basics of what that form is, what I'm signing, what you're doing, but like, don't tell me like,

00:40:40.420 yeah, it's just weird. You know? So just read the room a bit.

00:40:46.120 I'm laughing because I'm the same exact way with my accountant. He'll start explaining

00:40:52.320 anything. And I'm just like, I got to stop you. Like, just send me a text and tell me how much I

00:41:01.420 need to pay, where I need to send it, what to do. Right. And that's it. That's it. All I need.

00:41:07.620 That's all I need. Yep. Yep. So let that be a lesson. Yeah. That's funny. You said marketing

00:41:14.040 because I wrote down, talk to more people faster. So that in my business, I would have talked to more

00:41:20.500 people and I would have done it sooner. Yeah. Instead of, uh, being afraid, being afraid to be

00:41:26.060 uncomfortable, uh, not feeling like I presented it well enough. Uh, none of that mattered because

00:41:33.080 the only way I got better was by talking to more people, faster marketing. And then I got better.

00:41:40.640 So if I would have done that more and I would have done it sooner, I would have gotten better,

00:41:44.840 faster and more articulate. I would have gotten more results. Uh, and the compounding

00:41:50.040 would have happened sooner. And I think of it like front loading a mutual fund, which he's a numbers

00:41:57.060 guy. He'll be able to appreciate this with compound interest. It works best when you front load more

00:42:05.020 into it on the front end. And so more clients you can get in a shorter amount of time on the front end,

00:42:12.060 that's going to compound into your referrals and everything else long-term.

00:42:17.320 You know, it's interesting about that. Cause we were in similar, similar businesses. When I

00:42:23.640 started to become successful, my financial planning practice was when I did exactly what you said,

00:42:28.680 but I did it in a different way. I started recording CDs for my, my first presentation.

00:42:33.980 I started recording and handing out CDs. So I'd hand out CDs to people. And then the only people that

00:42:40.020 would come into my office are the ones that listened to it and liked what I had to say. And so my closing

00:42:44.360 ratio went way up from the first time I met them. So that's what you're saying. More people faster.

00:42:50.100 It's like, because what I was doing before is I would sit down with somebody for an hour

00:42:55.300 and try to convince them they should work with me. And my closing ratio might've been 40 or 60%.

00:43:00.680 I don't even remember what it was. Instead, my closing ratio, when I sat down with somebody

00:43:05.140 after I gave them a CD first, went up to 80 or 90% closing ratio, more people faster.

00:43:11.840 And then it was all just marketing. And people are probably listening, thinking like CDs.

00:43:18.840 Yeah, exactly. Why would you do that? Back then that's all we had. You didn't have all it was.

00:43:24.380 Then I moved over to a podcast and again, more people faster. Cause I had hundreds and then

00:43:31.780 thousands of people listening to me. And I had a doctor reach out and he was a pediatric physician

00:43:35.740 and he reached out and he's like, Hey, I need disability insurance. I'm like, okay,

00:43:39.760 do you know what you're looking for? And he had this laundry list of items that he wanted on

00:43:43.760 disability insurance. And I was like, Whoa, you know a lot about disability insurance. Most people

00:43:48.800 don't know anything about disability insurance. And I said, how are you been shopping around or

00:43:52.720 you've been working with somebody else? Or like, how do you know this much about it? He's like,

00:43:55.440 Oh, I just listened to your podcast. And I wrote down everything you told me I needed.

00:43:58.680 Okay. Got it. So this podcasting thing works. Right. And so I was presenting to a thousand people at a

00:44:05.040 time. And then the people who wanted to qualify themselves to work with me would come to me and

00:44:10.400 more people faster. It's marketing. Yeah. I like it. That's all the questions we have from Facebook,

00:44:18.700 but I have one that I, and it goes with this. He's talking first year. Let's talk about the challenges

00:44:27.960 that you have with success. Most of the questions that we get are the challenges you get when you start.

00:44:33.460 And not many people talk about the challenges they get when they find success. And I've been

00:44:40.340 for whatever reason, talking to a lot of friends and people recently that are very successful.

00:44:46.100 And we've been in more conversations of kind of like the traps or the, the issues or the things

00:44:52.200 that come up as you gain success. And so like now you at the podcast, how many years are you now deep

00:44:59.080 and with order, man? Um, seven and a half. Okay. So seven and a half. And you're, you're in the

00:45:06.500 quote unquote successful range. Now, if you looked at income scope and that's only going to improve.

00:45:13.700 And so would you say that at this point you're at the, where you wanted to be thought you'd be

00:45:20.400 are you larger scale than you hoped? Um, in all those things, are you quote unquote there or not

00:45:29.500 quite? Um, and I'm talking from where you started, cause it's probably different now

00:45:34.940 into your thought in that than when you started. Um, and then now that you are in this

00:45:41.400 success range, what are some of the major things that you didn't think of, or is there anything

00:45:51.960 different now than you thought it would be? You know, what are some thoughts on that?

00:45:55.540 I mean, the biggest thing for me right now is learning to delegate more effectively so that

00:46:00.800 I can have the time that I want with my family and to do the other things that are important to me,

00:46:04.820 but still keep the organization running. So that delegation is important. It's part of the reason

00:46:09.240 you're here. That's part of the reason Kip, uh, co-hosts. And when I can't make it, you guys do

00:46:13.180 a wonderful job. I used to believe I had to do it all. I don't have to do it all. I have to do a lot

00:46:17.960 of it and I have to make sure it gets done, but I don't have to do it all. In fact, you guys bring

00:46:21.840 a dynamic I couldn't bring myself. So that's, that's a value add to the people who would listen,

00:46:26.920 right? Um, whether it's that or having help for the events or, uh, or the way that we run the

00:46:33.800 organization for the iron council or exclusive brotherhood, uh, just, just learning that there's

00:46:39.140 other people that can fit into the puzzle that you should be, should be working with and implementing.

00:46:43.600 So there's that. Um, and then just making sure that we're still growing, that we're still evolving.

00:46:49.260 Cause one thing I've noticed is there's a lot of other organizations that have basically mimicked

00:46:53.240 what we have. And so that's fine. I have no problem with that. There's plenty to go around,

00:46:57.160 but we need to be cutting edge. We need to get out ahead of what they're doing. And we need to think

00:47:01.720 outside of the box and create something that somebody can't just get somewhere else. So I'm constantly

00:47:06.640 thinking about new ways to innovate and evolve and do things that other people aren't doing.

00:47:11.100 So I think those are the two biggest things for me is delegation, um, making sure to let some of it

00:47:15.360 go was still the growth mindset. Uh, and then having, um, uh, having the ability to innovate and evolve

00:47:24.580 as we go. Those are the, those are the biggest things for me. Interesting. That's cool. I mean,

00:47:29.480 there's not much talk about it. I think everybody just assumes that it's like,

00:47:33.740 I put in this work, you know, he talked about seasons. Yeah. And then I thought about it during

00:47:38.800 that question because there's, I think most people start to understand that, but then they think,

00:47:48.440 okay, when this season is over and my, you know, five years or six years or seven years or 10 or

00:47:54.260 whatever it is, is up and I'm going to ride into the sunset and everything's going to be magical and

00:47:59.680 it's going to be easy and, you know, everything else. And, and I don't think necessarily we,

00:48:06.120 we know and understand or think that there's still going to be a push. There's still going to be

00:48:12.300 challenges. There, there's still going to be, um, issues and things and changes. And, you know,

00:48:19.600 obviously the marketplace isn't the same today as it was seven years ago.

00:48:23.480 Right. For what you're doing. And, uh, so you need to evolve and continue shifting your

00:48:30.240 perspective, but then also you're going to grow and change and, you know, dynamics in your life

00:48:36.080 are going to change. And, uh, you know, it's just something to be prepared for, I think, and aware

00:48:42.960 of that. The growth part, I think never changes. Yeah. It shouldn't, you should always grow. I mean,

00:48:51.400 you should always look about, look for ways to grow because you'll just atrophy if you don't,

00:48:56.040 and you don't want that to happen. Clearly, obviously. Yeah. Cool, man. Well, awesome.

00:49:03.080 So we got all the questions on Facebook. That's it. That's every single one.

00:49:07.560 Well, guys, I appreciate the questions. Great questions today. We'll make sure we get this out.

00:49:11.560 This is a Wednesday. We'll be back on Friday for our Friday field notes, but also remember,

00:49:16.080 as we close things out today, we've got the iron council. That's going to be open for about a week

00:49:20.180 now, a little, uh, yeah, about, about exactly a week. And then we shut it down for the rest of the

00:49:25.020 year. We won't be opening up again until the end of end of this year for, for next year. So if you

00:49:29.780 thought about having some accountability, like we talked about earlier, abandoned brothers, guys in your

00:49:34.380 corner, guys that you can communicate with and, and learn from and join different channels,

00:49:39.260 like the faith channel we talked about or sobriety channel or entrepreneurship channel or

00:49:44.400 firearms or fatherhood channel, all of the things that we talked about today, you can find those

00:49:49.240 channels in the iron council. So go check it out at order of man.com slash iron council. Anything

00:49:55.820 else, Sean, from you is, uh, the main event sold out? Is that been sold out for a year? Yeah.

00:50:05.560 A year. Oh, that's so crazy. It's been sold out for a year. In fact, we have people on the waiting

00:50:10.080 list and I don't know how long that waiting list is, but we'll let you guys know when the next one is.

00:50:15.600 That's awesome. And then what about your moose hunt? When is that coming up to? I finished up the

00:50:21.500 main event and then I leave that afternoon for the moose hunt. No, that's awesome. So it'll be

00:50:26.280 crazy. Yeah. Cool. All right, you guys, we'll be back next week or actually Friday until then go

00:50:32.000 out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order

00:50:36.660 of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:50:41.820 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

00:50:51.500 Thank you.

00:50:52.200 Thank you.

Order of Man - September 21, 2022

Should You Share Your Goals, Avoiding Burnout, and Christianity and Masculinity ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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