Order of Man - Speaking Truth, Helping a Spouse with Sexual Abuse History, and Focusing on Your Circle of Control

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.400 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.700 you can call yourself a man. Mr. Kip Sorensen, good to see you, man. Seems like we're doing this

00:00:27.780 every two weeks anymore. Just with my schedule, it's been crazy. Yeah. Well, when you're important

00:00:34.140 and people want to talk to you, you know, I understand. I actually don't understand,

00:00:38.040 but I can, you know, I see, I see that it's happening. It's a weird, it's like, I understand

00:00:43.800 from the sideline. No, it's, it's, it's a weird dichotomy actually. It's, you know, there was a

00:00:51.320 time when I was like, Oh, I was, I wish I was busy and I had all this stuff going on. I was meeting

00:00:54.780 with, and now I'm kind of doing that. And now I'm like, Oh man, I wish I was, things were slower

00:00:59.720 and it was a little bit more slow paced. And I was able to take some time. And so it's like always

00:01:05.420 better wherever you're not, it seems like, but I am grateful. I don't want to be ungrateful for the

00:01:10.600 opportunities that have been afforded to us. Yeah. But, but I think it goes to, I mean,

00:01:15.120 when you talked about this in the IC, right. I mean, it's, we got to be careful not to,

00:01:19.620 at least I need to remind myself not to be careful with associating busy as good. Right.

00:01:26.260 Oh, for sure. Yeah. And to realize like, Oh, well, cause I'll even say that I'll have things

00:01:30.540 going too busy. It's too busy. Right. Like I need to, I need margin. I need to, you know,

00:01:36.780 not be as busy and focus on productivity. But anyhow, dude, the, the lineup that you've had

00:01:44.920 over the last couple of weeks or crazy, right. It's awesome. And I love Parola just came out

00:01:52.140 yesterday as of the release of this one. And then Brian Callens next week, we had Dave Ramsey

00:01:58.180 two weeks ago, I think it's wild. And I love the fact that Dave is like, Oh, come to my place.

00:02:04.120 We'll record it in our studio. I'm like, yeah, hell yeah. That's pretty awesome. Actually.

00:02:08.480 Well, and it's nice too, because if in the past, as I traveled, if I wanted to record with somebody,

00:02:14.840 I would bring all of my podcasting equipment with me. Yeah. And now, so I went to Dave's studio.

00:02:21.960 He had it all way and way better equipment than I had. Then I went out and visited Adam Carolla.

00:02:28.260 He's like, nah, just use my studio. So we used his studio way better equipment than I had.

00:02:32.920 Brian Callens like, no, no, I got a studio. Just come over. Like we'll record up my studio,

00:02:37.000 way better equipment than I had. So they had better equipment. I had to carry less stuff around.

00:02:41.840 It was a win-win across the board. And they have all that fancy equipment. So the camera angles,

00:02:47.900 you know, talk. I mean, it's just, it's just solid, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's nice, man.

00:02:53.200 Things are going really good. Almost finished up with the book. That'll be finished up this week.

00:02:57.900 The first manuscript anyways. And it's got to go through a bunch of iterations and all that kind

00:03:01.620 of stuff. And we have time, you know, we've got eight months before it comes out. So yeah,

00:03:07.980 I'm amazed at the timeline. I didn't know that time, how long that timeline is when you're

00:03:13.640 working with a publisher. That was, that was all new to me. Okay. What do you mean how long the

00:03:18.800 timeline is? Like how long they give you for revisions on the manuscript? Yeah. I mean,

00:03:24.220 when I wrote Sovereignty, I wrote it in like 60 or 90 days, somewhere right in there,

00:03:28.900 because it was on my battle plan to write the book and then to have it published in 90 days.

00:03:34.200 And I did, I did that. Yeah. And now, you know, I had that, I signed that contract with that

00:03:39.400 publisher in November, October, November, somewhere in there. So from the time I signed with our

00:03:47.720 publisher, it'll almost be 12 months before the release of the book. What did you have to do to

00:03:54.740 get the publisher to decide to be your publisher? Like, did you have to present an outline and the

00:04:02.320 concept of the book? Yeah. Of, Hey, this is what the book's good about. Here's the general outline.

00:04:07.400 And then they're like, yeah, you know what? We can get behind that and help you sell that

00:04:11.300 and publish it. And then, and then they agreed at that point.

00:04:15.380 And I, and I had a literary agent. So this was new to me as well. So a literary agent is basically

00:04:20.320 what you think it's an agent. They work on your behalf. So my literary agent, I was introduced to him,

00:04:26.280 or I think he actually reached out to me if I remember right. And they've,

00:04:29.840 they've represented some incredible people. Cam Haynes, Tim Tebow, they've represented some

00:04:36.400 powerful people. Yeah. And then they, and then they represented me. I'm like, why, like, why

00:04:41.740 you represent all these awesome people? Why you represent me? Anyways. So what they do is then

00:04:47.820 they go out to all the publishers that they have relationships with and pitch and pitch and broker

00:04:53.360 it and try to get the best deal and the best publisher for the best distribution model and get me

00:04:57.900 paid the best so they can get paid too. Cause they earn a percentage. So it was a pretty,

00:05:03.900 it was pretty good deal. I, I was, um, I was impressed with how it went. I didn't, I didn't

00:05:09.140 really know. It's all kind of new, but it was, it was pretty interesting. That's cool. You know,

00:05:13.540 I would, I would just say my agent, that just sounds cooler. You should go with that.

00:05:18.340 As a, what did I say?

00:05:19.900 Your literary agent said, just say my agent, you know, cause that way, you know,

00:05:23.640 yeah, my agent. Yeah. That sounds good. Yeah. It's my, it's my agent. It does sound like it's

00:05:28.760 way more important. Yeah. That sounds awesome. Put on your email signature, like, and my agent,

00:05:35.860 you know, his contact info. It sounds way more important than it actually is. And I, you know,

00:05:43.000 at this point anymore, yeah, I'm going to put out a great book. I mean, the material we're putting out

00:05:48.380 there is good. It's good information. It's hopefully it's written well. Hopefully I share

00:05:52.380 some anecdotes and stories and am able to back up some of my claims. Yeah. Yeah. But, but also it's,

00:05:59.880 you know, let's be honest, we have a pretty large following at this point that's built in. And so

00:06:06.700 the, both my agent and the publisher are like, oh, well, he's got a built-in audience that he's

00:06:12.920 going to be able to sell the book to the guy. Why does he need us really? You know? No, I mean,

00:06:17.840 they're going to present a lot of opportunities. There'll be a book tour. We'll, we'll do some

00:06:22.940 mainstream media stuff that I haven't had access to in the past, you know? So there are definitely

00:06:28.560 things that bring you to the table. Yeah. But it's a win-win for them too, right? 100%.

00:06:32.720 With an existing following that you already have. Yeah. Because it's not, they don't have,

00:06:36.420 they, it's less of a risk for them because they know like, okay, whatever this guy is sharing,

00:06:40.960 people resonate with. And so that gives them a sense of some, some level of confidence.

00:06:47.840 Yeah. That makes sense. I'm nervous, man. We'll see how it goes. I'm excited. I'm nervous about it.

00:06:52.280 It'll be great. It'll be great. I'm sure it'll be great. Well guys, let's get into some questions

00:06:56.480 today. Yeah. Sounds good. And this is actually, you know, right. I didn't talk about Hamilton last

00:07:01.680 week. Did you, I haven't had a chance to listen to the podcast. So I'll be, I'll say this. We did

00:07:06.280 have someone says, Hey, I want to, one of the questions was, I want to hear you guys talk more

00:07:09.880 about Hamilton, but I think that guy was just trying to piss you off. So I ignored his question. I'm like,

00:07:14.800 you know, we're not just going to piss. We're not here to piss off Ryan. Okay. So, you know,

00:07:18.700 it's probably a good idea. I don't want to get on your bad side. So yeah. Yeah. Nah. All right.

00:07:26.800 So we have a handful of questions from Facebook as well as for the foundry. First question. So we'll

00:07:31.940 actually to join us on Facebook, go to facebook.com slash group slash order, man. If you guys have,

00:07:36.900 or if you're not already there. So Bobby, Bobby has this question. He says, you have had so many

00:07:43.280 great men on the podcast. Is there anyone that stood out to you and where you, and where you got

00:07:48.980 done and felt like you just learned so much? I don't want the answer of all of them. You got to

00:07:54.900 have one that moved the needle for you. And then, and then you're going to ask me a question, then tell

00:07:59.540 me what I can and can't say about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or, or, or throw all like the majority of your

00:08:04.820 guests under the bus and just focus on one or two of them. And then he says, Oh, good. No,

00:08:11.020 you're good. Go. Well, and it's yeah. The quasi second question, Kip, what does your future hold

00:08:15.460 for you? You guys have laid a great foundation for us to grow. What are you going to grow on this

00:08:20.820 next quarter and year? So I think we make that question for both of us. So yeah, go ahead.

00:08:26.800 So podcast interview that moved the needle. Yeah. Move the needle or stood out.

00:08:31.980 I mean, I think like really caused you to learn like for me, well, I learned, I personally learned

00:08:38.700 a lot from that. I actually, this podcast isn't released yet. So I'm really anxious to get this

00:08:42.940 to you. That Brian Callen conversation blew my mind. Really? That guy is genius. And he's hilarious.

00:08:52.460 Most guys know who Brian Callen is. He's funny. We know him as the funny guy, you know, like he's

00:08:57.540 hyper-intelligent. And so he blew my mind on some of the stuff he knew and the angles he was taking.

00:09:03.480 And that was, that was really enlightening to me. I, I, the Dave Ramsey one was good for me because

00:09:09.680 as a former financial advisor, you know, I had my preconceived notions going in there about some

00:09:15.300 things that I think he gets right. And some things that, you know, I'm not totally on board with,

00:09:19.880 but I was able to ask him some of those questions and get to the root of it.

00:09:23.280 Uh, you know, the business thing is a big thing with Dave Ramsey. I'm like, look, you're, you're

00:09:28.200 a hyper-successful business owner, but you, you don't really teach people that like you're teaching

00:09:35.340 them personal finance, but you built your wealth through. And so have I personally.

00:09:40.140 Yeah. But yet you're not promoting entrepreneurship and this other angle. Yeah.

00:09:44.700 And so I asked him about that and he said, yeah, Oh, for sure. He's like, that's going to get you to

00:09:49.320 the next level, real estate business. That's going to get you the next level. He's trying to help

00:09:54.240 people who aren't there yet. And so he was pretty, like, he's pretty clear about who his target

00:09:59.160 audience is. And I think I may have talked with him about this on the podcast. The, one of the

00:10:04.520 problems with social media is that when you get out that little device and you start scrolling

00:10:09.600 through my profile or Dave Ramsey or Brian Callen or Jocko, whoever you think they're talking to you

00:10:18.500 specifically and Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, they build it that way. And you get to curate it.

00:10:24.240 You're like, okay, here's my feed. Interesting. Thumbs up this. Like I'm not interested in that.

00:10:29.860 And so it begins to be customized and catered to you specifically. So you're lulled into thinking

00:10:35.800 that everything you see is supposed to be directly targeted to you. And so occasionally I'll have

00:10:42.440 somebody who will reach out and say, well, Ryan, you know, I usually agree with 95% of what you say,

00:10:46.960 but I can't believe in my situation, here's what I do. And you're saying to do this. I can't believe

00:10:52.100 you'd tell me that. It's like, well, you know, there's also half a million people that aren't you

00:10:58.560 that follow me. And maybe 95% of what I share is for you. And you have to determine that. And the

00:11:06.140 other 5% is for somebody who isn't you, the other 499,099 people. So Dave Ramsey was good from that

00:11:17.460 perspective because he was like, oh yeah, no, I know. He said that. He's like, I know business is

00:11:22.660 the way to build wealth. That's how he's built as well. That's how I built mine. But that's not who

00:11:27.960 he's talking to, but he doesn't really ever share that. So people begin to think, well, this is what

00:11:33.440 he believes. You can't get rich on beans and rice. Yeah, that's right. He's actually not saying you

00:11:39.060 can. He's helping those people who need to get that first stage covered. Yeah. That's his focus.

00:11:44.560 Yeah. It just reiterates the importance of context, right? Whether it's reading the scripture

00:11:49.000 or even messages like these guys are like, what's the context? Oh yeah. Who's the audience? Who is he

00:11:54.500 talking to? Oh yeah. You know what? That message is applicable to 80%. Good call. Right. Right.

00:12:01.240 Yeah. Yeah. So that was good. And, and, you know, the other one that really stands out to me

00:12:06.320 is John Eldridge. I mean, his book is, was literally life-changing for me. His life altering

00:12:13.400 for me. Yeah. So there's, I don't use that. Yeah. I don't use that lightly either. I'm not one of these

00:12:19.080 guys who's going to, you know, try to inject all this hyperbole into my convert, like, oh, it was a

00:12:23.000 life-changing podcast. Must listen. That one, actually that book life-changing. So to be able to have

00:12:30.100 a conversation with him. And what I like about John is his unapologetic approach to masculinity.

00:12:36.780 And it's, it's a lot of his is Christian based, but it's very unapologetic. And we need more people

00:12:42.660 like that in society. Adam was like that too. Brian Callen was like that too. We need more people who

00:12:48.780 are unapologetic about sharing their, their viewpoint because everybody else is walking around on eggshells,

00:12:54.640 tiptoeing, trying not to hurt people's feelings. And then what ends up happening is those individuals

00:12:59.540 won't actually say what a, they believe and be what needs to be said because they're worried about

00:13:05.520 how somebody else may perceive it or what the reaction might, the way people react to what I

00:13:11.120 say is not my responsibility. That's their responsibility, but I'll be damned if I don't

00:13:15.800 share what's on my mind and share my perspective. We need to be doing more of that. And the reason why

00:13:21.680 you call that out is because you, you feel that, that they're, they're not congruent with how they're

00:13:26.820 feeling that, that some, some individuals were screwed around, screwed around what they believe

00:13:32.260 is true in an attempt not to offend people. Yes. Is that kind of, okay. And there's, and there's

00:13:38.800 some real problems with that. Number one, you're lying. You're living a lie to yourself. You're out of

00:13:46.200 integrity. So that's an issue. Number two, somebody actually may need to hear something that you're

00:13:52.160 going to say, and nobody will tell, I call it the American idol syndrome. Like some of these people

00:13:58.080 get up and they start singing or X fat, whatever the thing is, X factor, America's got talent or

00:14:03.140 whatever, whatever the thing is now, what they get up there and they actually think they're talented

00:14:08.160 because nobody told them the truth. Like nobody said, you're not good at this. They all said, Oh,

00:14:14.640 it's, it's good. You know? Yeah, you're good. You're amazing. You should, it's like, no, you're

00:14:20.200 not, you're not good at this. And it's delusional. Yeah. That that's on the lighter side, but then

00:14:26.040 there's other sides like a transgenderism, for example, you know, there's a great thing with

00:14:30.800 Matt Walsh going on right now. Who's agreed to come on the podcast, by the way. He went and visited

00:14:36.340 Dr. Phil. A lot of people have seen that because it's gone viral. And there was a couple people who

00:14:41.620 were transgender and, and Matt Walsh and Matt Walsh is also somebody who's very unapologetic.

00:14:47.320 Yeah. He tiptoes on the line of a hole, you know, but which is hilarious because we need it.

00:14:53.260 And it's like these people, these transgender people had like never had anybody say anything

00:14:59.820 to their face ever that doesn't affirm what they're doing. Like what a travesty that everybody's

00:15:05.940 afraid to speak the truth. And then here's the third problem. So the first problem is you're lying

00:15:11.040 to yourself. Second problem is you're lying to other people. Third problem is this has ripple

00:15:16.320 effects through culture and society. And now we base some very real decisions off of faulty data

00:15:23.260 and information, you know, that, that could be people latch onto that and go, Oh yeah, I should

00:15:27.820 see it the same way that, that he sees it. So now I'm going to tiptoe or, you know, I think that is

00:15:33.220 truth or whatever. Yeah. Well, a great, a great example of this is in Canada. And admittedly, I

00:15:39.740 didn't, I haven't studied the law that this applies to, but based on what I'm hearing is that it is now

00:15:48.260 illegal to, uh, engage in any sort of act or behavior or recommendation that would be, uh, what do

00:15:58.020 they call it? Um, gender reassignment or, or, or gender correction. I can't think of, I can't

00:16:04.520 remember. I see what you're saying. So like, if, if someone says, Hey, I want to go to, I, you know,

00:16:10.280 I, I, someone's going to quote me wrong and grab this snippet or whatever I'm about to say, maybe I

00:16:16.160 just promoted it. So, but I, I have, uh, I have identity crisis issues, right. And I might potentially

00:16:23.260 think I'm a, a girl and I'm going to go get therapy for it. That's that therapy is illegal for

00:16:29.660 me to do. No, no. So let's say Kip, you believe yourself to be a woman and you want to go to a

00:16:37.500 therapist and, and hash this out. And so you come to me as a therapist, hypothetically. Yeah. If I say,

00:16:45.300 Hey, maybe Kip, you're not actually a woman. Yeah. You're a man. And maybe this is

00:16:52.860 feminine or maybe right. Or this is like, that's illegal. Your pastor, whatever. That's illegal

00:16:57.540 for me as the therapist. So if a kid comes and kids are confused by nature, you know, like we talk

00:17:04.620 about gender ideology. Yeah. Kids don't know who they are. That's why they're children. Many adults

00:17:11.020 don't even know who they are. Okay. So if a kid goes to a therapist and says, Hey, I think I'm a girl.

00:17:19.080 A little boy says, I think I'm a girl or a little girl says, I think I'm a boy. You,

00:17:22.860 you are no longer allowed by law to contest that. Yeah. That's a problem. Like that's a problem,

00:17:30.940 especially when it comes with kids, because now they're going to make life altering medical

00:17:36.120 decisions through, uh, through hormone therapy, through drugs, potentially even bodily mutilation

00:17:44.100 for like, if you're an adult and you want to do that, okay. You make your decision.

00:17:48.780 Like, I'm not going to base my life around you making that decision individually, but you're an

00:17:52.820 adult, but you're going to do that to children. Yeah, man, that's a, that's a problem.

00:17:57.960 Yeah. And let's not just skirt over the idea that the evidence of suicide rate does not change by the

00:18:04.540 way, with like when they alter their bodies or take hormone treatments or anything else,

00:18:11.200 like everyone, cause that's what usually everyone latches onto, right? It's like, well,

00:18:14.940 you know, there, there's a huge suicide rate and all this other stuff. And so it's all about,

00:18:19.480 well, actually that rate does not change when they get hormone therapy. So then you might go,

00:18:26.540 oh, that's interesting. So despite the fact that you have all those hormone therapy,

00:18:30.800 it doesn't help them mentally. You have to start questioning like, what's the point of this,

00:18:36.060 right? Or what are, what are we trying to accomplish? It's, it's very frustrating.

00:18:39.920 Yeah. It's just, it's Adam Carolla taught, uh, yeah. Adam talked about it yesterday. Uh, he calls

00:18:47.060 it, he calls it chick think. And, and that, that I was like, well, what do you mean by that? You

00:18:52.620 know? Cause that, that almost like, that sounds insulting, fuzzy thinking feelings, feelings,

00:18:57.960 based thinking. Yeah. Right. It's all on logic. Oh, I don't want them. Right. And look, I'm not

00:19:04.180 going to tell you that you shouldn't take into consideration or have people's feelings about

00:19:10.140 things like, so I'm writing a chapter in the book right now on honesty, like being honest and why

00:19:16.900 men need to be honest with themselves, with other people and societally, like we're talking about now.

00:19:21.480 Uh, and I think you ought to take into consideration the way people feel so that you can deliver a

00:19:29.020 message, a truthful message in a way that's going to actually move the needle. Like I'm not just

00:19:35.320 because I'm telling people to be honest. And this is how a lot of men actually interpret this

00:19:39.420 is just be, I think I'm saying being an asshole. Yeah. No, like honesty and asshole.

00:19:45.740 They're, they're mutually exclusive. Like they, they, they're not in inseparable.

00:19:51.420 Yeah. You can have some empathy and actually honest answer. Yeah, correct. And we should be

00:19:58.780 doing that because if we want to lead as men in, in our homes and our businesses and our communities,

00:20:04.040 and you're just going to walk around and be a dickhead to everybody. Cause you're telling the

00:20:08.080 truth. Like nobody's going to follow you. You're not going to build any level of influence with other

00:20:13.100 people by doing that. The way you are going to build it. And I know this with a hundred percent

00:20:18.120 certainty, not for everybody, but with, with a hundred percent certainty that the more you tell

00:20:23.460 the truth and you do it in a tactful way, the more people will respect you. I get hundreds of messages

00:20:30.260 every week from people who say something like this, Ryan, I don't agree with everything that you say,

00:20:37.460 but even in disagreement, I can respect the fact that you are willing to, to share the way you see

00:20:44.560 it. Yeah. That to me is a path that you're on the right track because they don't have to agree.

00:20:50.600 I don't, I don't expect everybody to agree with me, but the fact that they're still going to see

00:20:54.980 something redeemable in it, even in disagreement means that you're, you're doing it right,

00:21:01.880 which is I'm going to share the truth. My intention is not to be an asshole. My intention is

00:21:06.340 actually to serve. And so I have to be cognizant of the way people hear it so that it will land and

00:21:12.440 actually have a real impact. Yeah. I like it. All right. Next question.

00:21:18.740 Devin Butcher, how do you develop the mentality to stay in employment that may not have advanced

00:21:25.880 opportunities? Do you leave and work somewhere else? Or is there a cutoff point where you stay

00:21:31.140 and just accept your role? Why would you stay in like, think about you're going to be alive.

00:21:37.360 Let's just assume that he's 30 years old. So you're alive. You're on your, you're more than

00:21:43.880 you're like 40% of the way through your life. If you live to life expectancy. So, okay. So what

00:21:51.440 you're saying is you want to do something that, you know, you can't progress in for the next 30 years.

00:21:56.380 Why, why would you do that to yourself? Like that's, that's horrible. That's a horrible,

00:22:05.340 horrible way to live. And there's a right way to figure this out. And you can actually find meaning

00:22:10.620 in work that you don't love. Like, for example, let's say order of man went away today, tomorrow,

00:22:18.500 whatever. And I couldn't do it any longer. Uh, and, but food needs to still be put on the table.

00:22:25.340 The roof needs still needs to be over the head for my family. And so, you know, I could go work

00:22:29.740 at McDonald's. Like I could get a job at McDonald's today because this afternoon, I could, I go down to

00:22:34.740 McDonald's and say, Hey, I want to work like, and, and they would put me to work like on the evening

00:22:38.860 shift. Okay. Well, there's however many millions of job openings in the country right now. Now, do I

00:22:45.720 want to work at McDonald's? Like, is that my ultimate life's purpose? No, of course not. But I would do

00:22:51.480 that. Of course I would do that because the meaning is not McDonald's. The meaning is I'm

00:22:56.500 being a father. I'm being a husband. I'm doing what needs to be done for my family. And there's

00:23:01.180 meaning in that. Okay. So you can find meaning there, but no, no, you're not going to work the

00:23:07.000 job that you hate or that you're comfortable with or whatever. You're just, I'm just telling you,

00:23:10.880 you're not going to do that. I'm not going to allow you to do that. You need to start,

00:23:15.720 find some value there while you're there. And there's a time, there's a season,

00:23:18.700 maybe you're in the season right now. Yeah. Okay. My wife, she's, she's excited because here

00:23:23.780 in the next couple of months, she's going to start growing her seedlings in, in the, in our,

00:23:28.480 in our house. She starts seedlings in the house. And then a month or two later, when it's warm enough,

00:23:32.540 she goes out into the garden, she plants them and then they grow and they thrive. Okay. You're the

00:23:36.380 seedling. All right. You've got like, this is not ultimately where you're going to be, but right now

00:23:40.680 you're planting the seed, you're watering, you're getting strong, you're learning new skills.

00:23:45.040 You're getting your mind, right. You're getting your finances in order. You're becoming

00:23:48.500 sovereign so that when the time comes, you're strong enough to go out somewhere else and build

00:23:56.640 a business or start a new career and really thrive where you're ultimately supposed to be

00:24:01.700 in the sun and in the wind and in the nutrient dense soil. You see what I'm saying? Like that's

00:24:08.660 so, but there's a season and right now it's, you got to be in here, but ultimately you're working

00:24:14.860 towards something else. Yeah. And, and I, and I'm going to project on Devin just a little bit,

00:24:19.540 right? Because, because I do think Ryan that far too many guys might have an employment opportunity

00:24:25.840 right now. And there's like, Oh, there's no advancement opportunities present to me. And

00:24:31.100 there probably is. So be careful not to be the victim. Like, well, my boss hasn't come to me

00:24:36.560 and he hasn't laid out this career track for me. So there's no advancement opportunity. Like,

00:24:41.980 you know what I mean? Own it, be self-directed, ensure that that is not like, don't sit back and

00:24:49.320 wait for someone else to give you the advancement opportunities. Ultimately what I'm, what I'm

00:24:53.460 saying and come to that conclusion on your own within your level of control. So just, and I'm not sure

00:24:59.940 that's the case with Devin, but I'm afraid that some guys have that mentality that they don't think

00:25:04.740 there's an advancement opportunities because someone hasn't come out and laid it out in front

00:25:08.280 of them. That's a good point. If you like the work and you're worried, there's not an advancement

00:25:12.300 opportunity. You actually might be right. So you can create it. Exactly. You can go to the boss and

00:25:18.360 say, Hey, I see this opportunity. Let me take this and improve them that you're reliable resource to do

00:25:26.020 that. And you'll probably create an advancement opportunity on your own, which would even be better

00:25:31.100 anyway, because it's your creation. And you know, it's probably what you want anyway. So

00:25:34.920 the, the phrase that one phrase I really like is I will either find a way or make one.

00:25:43.660 Yeah. Like there is either a path there and that you can take and you can run on, but if it's not

00:25:49.600 there, you got to make it. And that's your job as a man to make it maybe, but maybe the path is not

00:25:55.440 with your current employment. Maybe it is, maybe it's with another company, but I'll tell you what,

00:25:59.480 the better you do in the job you're at right now, the more marketable employable you become to other

00:26:03.700 organizations. Right? So when I was, when I was working as an employee for an organization for

00:26:09.120 organizations in the past, I had plenty of job offers from other companies that were actively

00:26:14.040 recruiting me because I was kicking ass where I was. Yeah. Now, if you're going to be a dink and I'm

00:26:19.540 not saying Devin, you are, but if you're going to be a dink and you're going to like do the bare minimum

00:26:23.200 and you're going to kind of suck as an employee, like those opportunities aren't going to build

00:26:27.040 themselves. And even if someone gives you an opportunity, you're not going to take advantage

00:26:30.500 of it. If you're that kind of guy anyway, exactly. So no, you're not going to, you're not going to be

00:26:35.000 satisfied. That's the answer. Find a way or make one. Cool. All right. Chris, uh, mine, Meneer,

00:26:42.780 uh, should this, it's kind of a good question. Should a husband know the details of a wife's sexual

00:26:49.060 abuse. How's that for a Monday of her sexual abuse in the past, sexual child abuse. Yeah.

00:26:56.520 Yeah. I think so. I think you should, because how can you help her navigate that if you don't

00:27:02.600 know what the hell's going on? Yeah. I mean, I think it is safe to say this, that if your wife

00:27:09.460 was sexually abused as a child, that that's going to show up in your marriage. And if it is, then there

00:27:15.160 should probably be some conversation around her showing up in a different way or having emotional

00:27:21.780 problems with being with you. So it would be probably. Or physical problems. Like she may,

00:27:28.100 she might actually despise sex because of some past trauma. Yeah. You you're the one that has,

00:27:35.680 well, she's suffering. I'm not downplaying that, but you're also now going to have to suffer.

00:27:40.000 Yeah. Or you're going to, or you're going to interpret her mentality or how she's reacting

00:27:47.060 to you as meaning something, a whole other story that you're going to come up with. And if you aren't

00:27:52.960 having the conversation, then you're going to think your story's true. And you guys are not even on the

00:27:58.400 same page. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This, I would say, I know this is not, I'm probably going to be

00:28:03.320 totally, it's not though. Like we're, we're, it's not a, I mean, it's a hard situation. Yes.

00:28:09.760 Yeah. But the, the answer is simple. Yes, of course you need to know that. And if you aren't

00:28:15.520 married, you're dating a woman that has past sexual trauma. That could potentially be a deal

00:28:22.280 breaker. Yeah. And, and look, I know that's probably not going to be popular with a lot of

00:28:27.480 people, but your job is to decide her. Yeah. And I say the same thing with women, with, with

00:28:33.600 children from previous marriages. I'm not saying you shouldn't. So hear me not saying you should not.

00:28:38.680 I'm saying it's you who gets to make that decision. Yeah. And I, I know a lot of people

00:28:44.680 who will, who guilt men for not wanting to be involved with a woman with kids. That's,

00:28:54.020 that could be a deal breaker and it doesn't make you an asshole, by the way. It means that you have

00:28:59.720 a track, you have a path, you have things that you want, things that you don't want. It doesn't

00:29:04.640 make you an asshole. Now, if you decide to, that's great. And you should be fully the father

00:29:09.800 that you can and should be to those kids, but you're not obligated. And you're not obligated

00:29:15.900 to be with somebody who has sexual trauma that you will have to be impacted by. You have to make

00:29:22.480 those decisions and don't be guilted into those decisions because that's only going to create

00:29:27.260 additional problems. But if let's say you're already married, maybe things, you find out things

00:29:31.660 after the fact, then it's your job to help her get some therapy. She needs some therapy to work

00:29:38.160 through these things. And you need to know that's to me as a husband, I need to know because I need

00:29:45.240 to help you navigate this. I'm the patriarch. I'm the head of the household. Yes. And it affects you.

00:29:50.480 You shouldn't know. You can't tell me that we're going to have some real problems outside of just

00:29:55.140 whatever the isolated sexual abuse issues are. We're going to have some other problems in our marriage,

00:30:00.580 in our marriage. And by the way, this goes both ways to be frank. Of course. I mean,

00:30:04.760 we're talking about the child abuse on the, on the wife's side. It goes the other way too. Right.

00:30:11.000 And it's an, and let's be frank. This is anyone that thinks that that doesn't affect you on how

00:30:16.400 you show up intimately in a relationship. You're a fool. So you're not going to, you need to talk about

00:30:21.740 it. Yeah. Agreed. Yep. Gabriel Larson. You've been saying one other thing on that one. Yeah. Yeah,

00:30:27.780 for sure. If you have a wife guys who has experienced sexual abuse in the past,

00:30:34.500 she may not open up totally to you immediately because it's threatening to her. Like, why would

00:30:43.480 she want to actually talk about that? She wants to like bury it. So sometimes we, as men have a

00:30:49.440 tendency of becoming our own worst enemy and we bottleneck progress because our ego gets in the way.

00:30:55.420 So your ego might be saying, well, why can't she talk to me? Like through thick and thin,

00:31:00.560 we should, she should, she should be able to tell me everything. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Probably she

00:31:06.980 should be able to, but the reality she doesn't. And that's because of her own perception. Or maybe

00:31:11.920 you're a dick when she's shares these kinds of things. Like there's, there's reasons. So what I

00:31:16.640 would say is if she has dealt with it and she's having a hard time opening up to you, then having a third

00:31:22.720 party, an objective third party that she can speak to clears the bottleneck. All right. And it opens

00:31:30.940 the doors and it opens her ability to share. And that means you need to get out of the way

00:31:36.900 and have her get some therapy. Don't be threatened by that. Look at it as an opportunity for her to

00:31:42.420 start the ball rolling. And the therapist, if it's a good therapist, the therapist is going to

00:31:47.040 encourage her to, at some point, begin to open up to you. So just get out of your own way on this

00:31:54.620 one. That might be the little rock that needs to be pulled out so that things can open up and it

00:32:00.760 might be you who's in the way. Yeah. All right. Uh, Gabriel Larson, you've mentioned a recent podcast

00:32:07.340 of how amazing you are. I'm just joking. Yeah. He didn't say that. That's true.

00:32:11.180 We know that's a lie. Next question. That's objectively true. It's not, it's truth with

00:32:17.460 a capital T and it's not subject to interpretation. Gabriel, what do you want? What do you want? You

00:32:22.300 want a free t-shirt? What's going on? Uh, you've mentioned in recent podcasts, how successful of a

00:32:27.460 networker you are. Uh, I am constantly in a situation where I meet people out and about what are some tips

00:32:33.820 to have people remember who you are while networking, sharing business cards, et cetera. Do people still share

00:32:40.340 business cards? I don't know. I haven't for years. Somebody asked me a couple of weeks ago for

00:32:44.620 business card. I'm like, are you serious? And he's like, yeah, I have a box in my desk. I think it's

00:32:49.280 a hundred percent full from what I ordered them. Yeah. All right. So how do you, how do you keep

00:32:54.240 people remembering you, Mr. Mickler? You serve them. Yeah. Help you just, if, if, if, if I met you at a

00:33:01.460 networking function Kip and you met a hundred other people and I was a guy, you told me something about,

00:33:07.020 I don't know, like, uh, some, some sort of thing you needed in the business, in your, in your business,

00:33:11.380 just kind of casually. And then on Monday I followed up and I'm like, Hey Kip, I don't know

00:33:14.960 if you remember me. I met you Friday at the, at the networking thing. Uh, you were saying you needed

00:33:19.380 a solution for X, Y, and Z, man. I was thinking about it this weekend. I actually know a guy who

00:33:25.820 does exactly what you're looking for. And I'd love to make that connection. I think it'd make a ton

00:33:30.980 of sense for you. Yeah. I just set myself apart from the hundred other people that you met. Exactly.

00:33:37.380 So the best way to get people to remember you is not like how fancy your business card is,

00:33:43.840 not what suit you're wearing or how cool you look and all this kind of stuff. It's, did you help them

00:33:49.900 win? But period, bottom line, end of story. Yeah. The person that helps that person win will be remembered.

00:33:55.760 Here's the quote of the day here. You want people to remember you remember them? There you go. I

00:34:01.840 like it. Gabriel, next time you can say Kip, you're so amazing. And that would be subject to

00:34:08.240 interpretation. Yeah, for sure. Well, and, and, uh, do you ever know Dan Rawls? Cause you were a BNI

00:34:15.200 guy back in the day. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. That's right. He was over like BNI in Utah,

00:34:20.520 I think at one point, but I've known him through the years and it's super funny.

00:34:26.580 This guy straight up just gives me a call last week. Hey, want to touch base? You know, all the

00:34:31.600 things you remembered about me. Oh, last time we talked to you and Asia, we're doing this and

00:34:35.900 you're doing that. I'm like, damn. Now without a doubt, I know Dan has a CRM platform. He probably

00:34:43.020 has like five pages of notes around because that's his strategy. But, but we shouldn't take away from

00:34:49.160 that either. Like he took his time to make notes about exactly. And that's very meaningful. And

00:34:54.300 just cause I took a note to take my wife out for, or put it on my calendar to take my wife on date

00:34:59.200 night. Doesn't mean that I didn't want to take her out. Right. And so we need to get passes like,

00:35:04.700 Oh, it's not genuine Ryan. If I have to write down notes or whatever, it's like, no, actually,

00:35:09.040 do you care? You should be taking notes. Yeah. I've heard people say that. Like, I don't want to

00:35:13.920 game it. It's not genuine. Yeah. Anything that's important. You write down anything. Totally.

00:35:19.460 Money, fitness goals, dates of birth that are people that are important. Like anything that's

00:35:26.000 important to you, you write down, why does it make it disingenuous? If somebody says, Oh, you know,

00:35:32.740 I like doing these things and here's a restaurant I really like, or here's an activity I really like.

00:35:36.680 I mean, that's a quick way to do it. Like if you came to me and you said, Hey, you know, like I'm a

00:35:40.580 huge jazz fan, right? Like I love going to watch the basketball games with my family. And I was able to

00:35:45.420 get like, maybe I was a season ticket holder, uh, or I was able to get some really cool seats

00:35:49.780 because I want them or like, like just, Hey Kip, I know you guys are big jazz fans. Like I got these

00:35:55.640 courtside seats and I can't use them. You're the first person I thought of. Come on now. It's so easy.

00:36:02.720 It takes a little effort. It takes a little like putting your side aside, your own objectives and

00:36:09.220 just trying to serve other people. Yeah. I like it. All right. Travis, uh, far costs.

00:36:16.020 How would you propose order of man concepts or even the podcast as someone who lacks any of the core

00:36:22.360 principles of masculinity? So is this a, how do I introduce or how do I tell someone about order

00:36:28.220 man in a, in a elevator pitch? Is that kind of what I mean? I don't, I don't know if you should

00:36:33.720 even do it as most, as much as like, uh, let's say you're, let's say you're having a conversation

00:36:39.040 with somebody, uh, that you care about that maybe lacks some of these principles, but you care about

00:36:43.260 them, maybe a family member or friend or something. Uh, and, and like a certain conversation gets brought

00:36:48.560 up, just go into the podcast and look at that topic and say, Hey Kip, you know, you and I were at

00:36:56.840 lunch the other day and you were talking about this thing. I actually came across this really

00:37:00.260 cool podcast and they talked about the very thing. Interestingly enough that we were talking about

00:37:05.000 and just send them a link. Yeah. That's it. Or if, or if you're talking about books and they're

00:37:11.940 wondering, Hey, you haven't known any good books. Yeah. Sovereignty here to get them a copy, give it

00:37:17.460 over to them, send it over to them. You know, it's pretty easy to, again, this just goes back to our last,

00:37:22.500 last question. Think about what they need and think about what would serve them. And then

00:37:26.720 we have plenty of material, just take whatever materials there and just drop them. Text non-threatening

00:37:32.880 like, Hey, we were talking about this. I thought you'd be interested. Check it out. And then a week

00:37:37.460 later, you know, follow up with them. Hey, did you, did you listen to that podcast? What'd you

00:37:40.620 think? Not with any ulterior motive or anything like that, just because you genuinely care about

00:37:45.600 them and you, and it's a, it's a not, look, I can say things to your friends that you can't say.

00:37:50.860 Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm in a way better position.

00:37:55.580 You're the third party. You're like, Oh yeah. Yeah. He's kind of a dick.

00:38:00.060 I know he can be a dick. Yeah. Yeah. I know it can be an asshole. Like I really like like 90%

00:38:04.760 of his stuff. The other 10% at least. Yeah. And I don't care. Throw me under the bus. Like that's

00:38:11.320 the point of having a third party is I can say things because I don't have the same baggage and

00:38:16.500 I'm not emotionally attached to the decisions you're making with the people in your life.

00:38:20.360 I'm good with that. That's the power of this. Yeah. And you alluded to this already, but we've

00:38:25.560 talked about, you know, this has come up a lot in the IC over the years of like, how do I introduce

00:38:30.480 someone? And, and you, you touch point are already. It's like, grab a book, give them a book and say,

00:38:36.740 Hey, when you're done reading this, you know, let me know and let's chat. Well, they may never read it.

00:38:41.640 And then you're like, okay, you know, or they read it and they're like, yeah, what did you like about

00:38:45.460 the book? And you're, and you can see some alignment and saying, okay, you know, maybe

00:38:49.200 we're a little bit more on the same page than the fact that we just played basketball together in

00:38:52.900 high school. Right. And let's now have deeper conversations now that we have a common ground

00:38:57.020 and even elevated way to do the book thing. It's a good idea is to pull out the book and it's

00:39:02.640 doesn't have to be my book. Like maybe there's another book. I don't know, but you pull out a book

00:39:07.080 and you tab the section. Like, because if you give somebody a whole book, they're probably,

00:39:14.440 but if you give them a book and you're like, Hey, I chat, I tab chapter 11. And I actually

00:39:21.140 highlighted a few paragraphs that stood out to me based on our conversation. You should check it

00:39:25.280 out. They're just definitely going to do that. Just make sure what you highlight isn't like,

00:39:30.180 like shit that you think that they should get like, uh, that they need to fix or change. Yeah.

00:39:35.320 Don't do that number, but yeah. But that, but that comes back to highlighting things that you

00:39:40.260 already talked about. That's, that's why I'm saying that. Yeah. If it's like, if it's something

00:39:45.640 you didn't talk about, it might come across like that. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. All right. Peter Bond,

00:39:52.140 Kenobi, Mr. Kenobi, uh, getting ready to start a new business. How do you counter reoccurring doom

00:39:59.220 and gloom feelings about the state of the world? Corrupt banking cartels, aggressive culture. It can be

00:40:04.920 overwhelming to look beyond a few months into the future when so much seems uncertain.

00:40:09.800 And what I would do new IC member just signed up yesterday. What, what's his first name?

00:40:15.100 Uh, Peter Kenobi. Okay. Peter, what I would do is I would just succumb to all of that. Uh,

00:40:21.980 I would just assume that the world's going to end that. I don't need to worry about finances that I can

00:40:28.880 eat whatever I want, that I can alienate as many people as I want. Uh, and basically just,

00:40:34.920 live in my parents' basement and, you know, play video games, let somebody else cover all my costs

00:40:40.840 in life until, uh, until the world ends next quest. Look, what is the alternative? Okay. What,

00:40:51.640 like, how do you counter it? You don't need to counter it. Like you're not, you're, are you telling

00:40:58.320 me that you're only doing it because you think the world is going to continue and thrive and flourish?

00:41:03.440 And if it doesn't, then, you know, all of it was for not come on now. Like the alternative to what

00:41:10.620 you're saying is just to throw up your hands and say, you can't do anything about it and to live a

00:41:16.160 life less than you're capable of, bro. I might die tomorrow. I might be driving down the right road,

00:41:21.740 hit some ice, you know, wrap my truck around a telephone pole. Does that mean everything I've done

00:41:26.760 up to this point is wasted? No. Cause my wife's still here. My kids are still here. The people who've

00:41:31.600 listened to this podcast are still kicking, but it's not wasted. Yeah. And you got to show up in

00:41:38.020 a way that you can look past in that car and go, you know what? I gave it a good run. Right. Hell

00:41:44.760 yeah. I don't think, I don't think you need, yeah, things might be going South. And you know, in a lot

00:41:51.760 of ways, I think there's a degeneracy in society that I'm concerned with. And so I've made it my mission

00:41:57.040 to deal with, but yeah. And let's be frank by you making it your mission to deal with you,

00:42:03.280 you're grasping the opportunity in the current state of things. Right. So, I mean, Peter could

00:42:08.500 look at the reoccurring bloom and gloom about the world and whatever dude rise above it. What a great

00:42:13.100 opportunity. Right. Like I, I tell my, I tell my teenage son, like Ian's like, dude, you have a

00:42:19.500 growth mindset and you can critically think you're going to kill it. So like, what a great chance and

00:42:26.000 opportunity you have to rise up in, in an environment that is seemingly more pathetic in

00:42:32.060 my mind. It's just, it's, and I'm, I'm trying not to beat up on him, you know, but it's a very,

00:42:37.860 it's a very immature thought process. You know, it's like, we only see what's in front of us.

00:42:44.880 Naturally. You know, we only see what's in front of us. We don't play the long game. We try to attach

00:42:49.820 a bunch of things to what we do and we want to be meaningful and important and special. And, you know,

00:42:54.840 I get all that. Um, it's just, it's just, it's just immature. There's no better way to say it.

00:43:00.900 A mature line of thinking is, yeah, there's some things in society to be concerned with.

00:43:07.000 And here's what I'm going to do about it. Here's how I'm going to address it. Here's how I'm going

00:43:12.300 to live my life. Here's how I am going to be part of the solution. Here's how I am not going to add to

00:43:18.120 those problems. Here's how I'm going to enlist other people to address some of these issues that we see.

00:43:25.100 That is a more manly, mature way of looking at the world rather than just saying, oh, doom and gloom.

00:43:31.400 I guess everything's over. No, that's not what we do. Well, and I think part of this, you know,

00:43:36.360 because like, you know, sometimes we'll get in our own heads, right? And we're like, man, you know,

00:43:40.000 uncertainty or whatever. Well, here's, here's, here's some thoughts, Peter. One, get clear on what's

00:43:45.320 in your circle of control and what's not. And if it's outside of your control, stop and focus on what's

00:43:52.300 in your control. You made this point. The last part of the sentence is beyond a few months in

00:43:57.660 the future. So much seems uncertain. You know, what is Kent or you, what can be certain how you show up

00:44:03.340 that can be certain. Your resolve can be certain. So focus on what's in your control, make that certain.

00:44:10.660 Right. And if it's outside your control, don't worry about it. Like strategically plan it, right?

00:44:16.980 Or be aware of it. Yeah. Be aware of it, but don't like you, who you show up in life can be certain.

00:44:22.760 So focus on that. Absolutely. Good. Yeah, no, it's great. All right. John Dragu. Dragu. Man,

00:44:32.440 I swear. No, I I've, I've already cracked this joke. I swear you guys make worse names. I see. I like

00:44:38.660 Dragu. No, whatever. You guys are changing your Facebook names, submitting questions just to like

00:44:44.760 freaking mess with me. The good thing is like, did you see the CNN, um, the CNN Twitter, Twitter feeds

00:44:51.760 that like people were putting in there? Oh yeah. See what was like CNN says to, you know, put sugar

00:44:57.480 in your gas tank or something like that. It's doing news. And then, and then they publish like

00:45:02.740 Twitter feeds coming in that are being tagged to CNN. And there's like Mike Roch and like, Oh,

00:45:09.580 really? Oh, that's funny. Super buddy. I'm like, Amanda hug and kiss, all that kind of stuff. Yeah.

00:45:14.640 Yeah. The old Simpsons. So buddy. Moe's tavern. Yeah. Yeah. It's so hilarious. I have to mention

00:45:21.300 one where, cause one of the questions you said earlier about us not being honest with people.

00:45:25.520 Right. And we're like pander to them. Did you see the meme where like this little kid, they're

00:45:30.320 in the front yard of their house and he like throws a ball to a guy. Right. And then the mom goes,

00:45:36.960 that kid's going to be an athlete someday. And right when she's saying that he throws the ball back,

00:45:41.940 like pegs the kid in the face. So good. That's what I'm saying. That's exactly what I'm talking

00:45:47.940 about. It's like, mom, bless your, bless your heart. Okay. Chick think that the kid's not going

00:45:56.620 to be an athlete at me. Right. But as of right now, there's nothing about his countenance that

00:46:01.580 shows me this kid's going to be an athlete. Maybe he should stick to engineering or something. Cause

00:46:07.960 this ain't it. Yeah. Well, and, and here's the deal. And here's the difference. People might hear

00:46:13.540 what you just said and go, but Ryan, we shouldn't, no, no, no. What Ryan says right now, it's not

00:46:18.960 looking good. Now can little Timmy that can't catch a ball. And that kid was, he looked like

00:46:24.120 he was 12. He should have been able to catch a ball at that age, but regardless, but he have

00:46:28.100 rised up. Is he capable of becoming an athlete? Of course he is. But the current state of the path

00:46:35.900 in which that kid is on, it's not looking good. So something's got to change.

00:46:40.300 Yeah. But you know, there's another thing too, about this is a much deeper issue when you lie

00:46:44.840 to people and you deceive them because you, you say you want to, you're, you care about them.

00:46:50.920 Actually, you don't, you care about yourself. That's another conversation. Like you don't want

00:46:54.360 to get into confrontation. You don't want you to feel bad. You don't care about them. You don't want

00:46:58.520 yourself to feel bad about the way you made them feel. Yeah. But also what, what are you

00:47:05.040 limiting people to? Like, if you tell little Timmy that he's going to be a superstar, you know,

00:47:10.180 court, the next Tom Brady, actually, maybe he could have been a great engineer or a great artist

00:47:16.140 or a great musician or a great something else, but you never had any real conversations with him.

00:47:21.660 And so he was deluded into believing that this was his path. And he actually missed what he could

00:47:26.940 have been really great at because you weren't able to be truthful. Yeah. And you don't need to

00:47:33.700 crush his spirit. Like my son, my oldest son, um, years ago, he would, he's playing football and

00:47:39.800 he's like, dad, you know, am I good at football? I'm like, you're decent. Like, you're not awesome.

00:47:44.800 You're, you're, you're a decent, you know, you're an average little player. And, and if you want to

00:47:49.800 be great, he's like, I want to be better. I'm like, good. Then here's what we need to do.

00:47:53.040 Totally. And we did it. And he was this chunky little roly poly and he wasn't super athletic.

00:47:58.640 And now he's athletic. The kid's athletic. Okay. He's probably not going to like play in the NFL,

00:48:06.420 but if he wants to get behind powerlifting and he wants, and, and that's a path. I asked him,

00:48:12.040 I said, do you think you'll do this forever? He's like, Oh yeah, I'll do this forever.

00:48:16.200 Okay. Then you found a path because partly because we're willing to tell you the truth.

00:48:22.100 Yeah. He came to us years ago and he said, sorry, I know you want to say something here,

00:48:25.200 kid. No, no, it's okay. I'll keep interrupting slightly like this. Yeah.

00:48:28.640 He came to us years ago and he's like, dad, you know, like I just, I'm kind of embarrassed.

00:48:33.140 I'm, I'm kind of fat. And I said, yeah, you're a little overweight. You know, that's true.

00:48:38.880 Like what do most people say? They say, no, no, you're special. Oh, you're good.

00:48:43.640 No, it's a baby fat. No big deal. And I said, no, yeah, you're right. You are a little overweight.

00:48:49.540 You probably ought to think about doing something. And he's like, well, yeah, I should. I'm like,

00:48:55.200 yeah. So what are you going to do? He's like, I don't know. I'm like, I don't either.

00:48:58.680 It's your problem. And he's like, well, I'm going to eat better. I'm like, okay, we'll see.

00:49:04.060 Yeah. And he did. And then he's like, okay, now I'm going to start doing cross. I'm like,

00:49:08.360 we'll drive you there. We'll take. And he did. And then he's like, dad, I want to do power.

00:49:13.980 I want to play football. Okay, good. You got better at football. He's like, okay, dad,

00:49:17.340 I want to do power. I have a couple of friends. They're doing strength training with a coach. Can I do it?

00:49:21.220 I'm like, yeah, absolutely. Cause we support him in making good moves. Yeah. And so he started doing

00:49:27.940 that a year and a half ago. The kid is completely transformed himself because we, at least to some

00:49:33.940 degree, we're willing to be truthful and honest with him. If you want to hear about this transformation

00:49:40.520 and even see evidence of this, I actually do like, and I'm generally saying this,

00:49:45.400 I'm not trying to plug things, but like following your Instagram at Ryan Mickler,

00:49:48.700 but also the other podcast as well that you do with Brecken is, is really, really insightful.

00:49:55.440 It's man. We have a great time doing it. Um, what the thing the other day he, he asked for

00:50:01.240 something. He's dad. Can I have this thing? I don't know what, I can't even remember what it was.

00:50:05.140 And I said, yeah, you can have that thing. If you can pass my guard in five minutes. Yeah. And so we

00:50:11.540 have mats in the front room. So he's like, all right. And so we went in the front room, like, all

00:50:15.640 right, get my guard. You got five minutes, set the timer and he didn't pass, but damn, if he wasn't

00:50:21.920 getting close, you're working. Yeah. He's working. I was like, oh boy, three months ago. I was like,

00:50:27.140 this is fun. And now I'm like, oh shit. Oh yeah. I get a work now. And he's mean, you know,

00:50:34.000 he's me does mean dirty tricks like his dad grinding it. He grinds his elbow into my thigh,

00:50:40.720 like just grinds it as he's trying to, you know, break that close guard. Yeah. And what your son

00:50:46.800 doesn't know is Ryan just signed up for privates at the gym saying, Hey, how do I, how do I maintain

00:50:51.900 a guard better? I'm telling you the kids five, he's probably about five, nine right now. Yeah. And

00:51:00.820 he's, I think he's 140 ish pounds. And like, it's crazy. Like he'll, he'll come out of the

00:51:09.520 shower. He'll take his shirt off or something. And I'm like, I'm going to have my hands full,

00:51:13.900 man. This guy, if this driver decides he wants to come at me or like, he wants something like,

00:51:20.500 I got work to do. That's funny. You know, I, I wanted to illustrate the opposite of

00:51:27.600 Brecken a little bit, you know, cause I do think this happens and I've seen this

00:51:31.680 is where you have a young boy or young girl that's highly talented. And, and, and Ryan,

00:51:38.200 I think it goes back to something you've said that I've latched onto over the years is like,

00:51:41.860 what's the intent? What do you want them to learn? Right. And we've talked about this from the

00:51:45.420 context of kids cleaning the room. Do you want the room clean or do you want them to learn the

00:51:50.960 importance of having a clean room? Right. Or do you want them to learn discipline? Or do you want

00:51:54.500 them to learn that you work? Yeah. Or you work before you play or like, what are you want them

00:51:59.340 to learn? And, and sometimes we'll get kids that are highly talented and we'll go like, oh, you're so

00:52:04.900 naturally talented. And we'll, we'll overly inflate their ego about their talent. And, and I would

00:52:12.400 propose that we consider what are we teaching them. And in that example, you're not teaching them hard

00:52:18.900 work. You're not, you're not teaching them discipline. You're not teaching them any of

00:52:23.480 those things. You're just making them feel good. And they eventually those kids, what will happen

00:52:28.040 is they'll get a little bit older. Kids will catch up from a skillset perspective and they'll go,

00:52:33.380 I'm not the best anymore. What's wrong with me? Because we never taught them to, to grind it.

00:52:41.020 We never taught them that growth is through discipline and reoccurring and to push themselves

00:52:46.380 further than they are today. It was all about just being better than other people or being

00:52:51.180 naturally talented. And sometimes that doesn't teach them anything. So we got to be really mindful.

00:52:56.320 What are we teaching our kids? Even though it might make them feel good. That's not probably what we

00:53:01.480 need to be teaching them. Well, we do, but we do the same thing to ourselves. Yeah. Right. We're like,

00:53:07.040 oh, I didn't get the contract. I didn't get the promotion. I didn't get the girl.

00:53:11.400 I didn't achieve this goal that I wanted to. I didn't run the marathon in the time that I wanted

00:53:15.600 to. And so I'm a loser, right? Because we've wrapped up our entire identity, our identity around it.

00:53:20.680 Yeah. Well, in success, like ultimately achieving our objective and don't misunderstand. We should be

00:53:26.580 achieving our objectives, but with kids, it's better to reward the effort, right? So when I talk with my

00:53:35.340 kids about what they're doing and let's say one of them succeeds and I, yeah, Hey, I'm proud of you.

00:53:39.600 You did that thing, but you know what I'm more proud about? The six months that you've been playing

00:53:44.900 that musical instrument, the six months of getting up early and working out, doing it when you didn't

00:53:50.980 want to, that's what I'm more proud about. And that's actually what drove you to the result that

00:53:55.620 you achieved. Totally. But we need to do that for ourselves too. And so sometimes it isn't a matter

00:54:00.760 of saying we're good or we're bad. It's saying you can do this, right? Like, Hey, you won today,

00:54:06.900 not because you have more money than you did when you started the day or not because you have a better

00:54:10.580 relationship. It's you won because you got out of bed and you won because you did your work.

00:54:16.540 You made your sales calls. You, you, you, you put in the effort committed. Yep. Yes. And the results

00:54:22.820 guys out of that stuff will take care of itself. If you do that work and you reward yourself and

00:54:29.320 sometimes rewarding yourself is just feeling accomplished. I'm not saying you need to go

00:54:33.820 out and buy yourself a steak dinner or anything or new clothes or whatever. Sometimes just reward

00:54:38.800 yourself at the end of the day and look at your plan and say, man, you know what? I'm proud of myself

00:54:43.560 today. I got a lot done. You know, I got 10 things on this list or a hundred things on this list and I

00:54:48.540 got, you know, 70% of them done on Monday. Yeah. Yeah. Well, imagine what the rest of the week's

00:54:55.420 going to go like and feel proud about what you accomplished. Let me ask you this, Ryan, because

00:54:59.900 I've, I've played, I don't know. I've been playing with this idea that, that if I am ever upset,

00:55:08.660 like if I'm in a bad mood, that it's ultimately always tied to me being out of integrity.

00:55:17.240 Like I, and I don't know if this is true. That's why I'm just throwing this out here where

00:55:22.400 if I show up and I honor my commitments through the entire day and I have a good day, will I always

00:55:30.140 in essence feel good? No, you don't think so. You'll feel better than if you, if you don't do that.

00:55:38.640 Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I mean, you're, yeah, but you're not always going to feel good.

00:55:42.380 You don't think that's enough to like, sometimes it is, but not exclusively, not a hundred percent.

00:55:48.200 Like I agree. I agree with the sentiment. I agree with what you're saying that it would get you

00:55:53.500 there probably more often, way more than no, because I really think like when I'm usually

00:55:59.700 stressed out and I'm kind of like, sometimes when I'm like kind of pissed off when I, by the time I get

00:56:04.960 home, it's usually because I didn't get shit done that I knew I would have gotten done.

00:56:09.700 Like, and it's a, it's a cascading effect. Like I didn't get to the gym this morning. And then it's

00:56:15.160 like, damn it. I didn't get that done. And I, I, I, I still have this baggage of, of commitments

00:56:20.340 that I've made that I didn't honor. And you know what I mean? And it really just bleeds into how I show

00:56:25.960 up later in the day. Yeah. Look, I don't, I don't disagree. I'm just saying it's not gonna,

00:56:31.640 it's not gonna be a hundred percent. You know, there's other reasons. Like one reason might be

00:56:37.040 you could get everything done that you wanted to get done today and be in total integrity for the

00:56:41.820 day. And then you could pull up social media and look at what somebody else did. And it could just

00:56:47.160 ruin your entire day. Cause you perceive that they did more than you or something.

00:56:51.480 Yeah. Nothing to do with integrity. Now we're talking about comparison trap. You know,

00:56:57.180 you're comparing yourself to what other people I do that. That that's the reason I bring it up is I can

00:57:01.340 come in here and I kick ass today and I could jump on Instagram and I can see, you know,

00:57:06.120 how many followers Jordan Peterson has. And I'm like, well, shit, I'm a loser. I'm like,

00:57:10.580 well, what are you talking about? Like, think about this is the internal dialogue in my head.

00:57:14.680 I'm talking to myself right now. It's like, you're a loser. What are you talking? You're not a loser.

00:57:18.860 You recorded three podcasts today. You impacted thousands of people's lives. You wrestled with your

00:57:23.820 kids. You know, they're, they're doing some construction in the house right now. You're able to afford

00:57:27.960 that to make sure the house is the way you want it. Like, what are you talking about? You're not a

00:57:31.820 loser. Yeah. But you're not like Joe Rogan though. Yeah. Well, how come you're not like him? How come

00:57:37.300 you're not like Peterson? How come you're not doing that? What this person's doing. And so there's a lot

00:57:42.500 of other reasons beyond just integrity. Integrity will get you there for sure. Okay. Yeah.

00:57:47.640 There's plenty of other hooks. Yeah. Yeah. And so we need to be aware of what they are.

00:57:52.760 So like when you're feeling shitty guys, like evaluate, sit in it for a minute, like just

00:57:58.200 wallow in the shit for a minute, not so you can feel bad about yourself, but so that you

00:58:02.040 can figure out why. Yeah. Okay. I feel bad because I'm comparing myself to this person

00:58:06.920 then cut that off. Yeah. You know, maybe unfollow some people or don't, don't, you know, attach

00:58:12.500 your sense of worth so much to that. Like there's, there's, or you got out of bed, you didn't get

00:58:17.060 the sleep you wanted to, or, you know, maybe you did everything and then you just got a phone

00:58:21.340 call and your grandma just passed away. Yeah. You know, it's like, there's other things is all

00:58:25.760 I'm saying. For sure. For sure. Oh, and that's why I really liked when you, um, that's one thing

00:58:30.660 I really got from, uh, is it John Gary Bishop or Gary, John, Gary, John. Yeah. Yeah. Gary, John

00:58:37.620 Bishop is, you know, when he talks about expectations, right. And, and we hold onto them and don't deal

00:58:43.420 in reality. And, and, and that's, you know, and I think that's one of probably a handful of things

00:58:48.940 that kind of get us off the path. And that's one of them for sure. Right. And I think comparison

00:58:53.240 is in there, right? So there's this expectation of like, no, I should be further along, right?

00:58:57.840 It shouldn't be this way. Grandma shouldn't die. My wife shouldn't be this way or whatever. And we,

00:59:03.800 we almost just hold onto the expectation of what should or should not be instead of just saying,

00:59:09.400 well, but that's not true. And what is true is grandma did die. So what I'm going to do about it.

00:59:15.940 Right. And, and almost finishing the thought to a conclusion of now what and answer that question.

00:59:23.780 Now what? Well, and there's good things that come out of these scenarios too. Like comparison,

00:59:28.340 for example, you know, I'm not saying you never should like, there's actually healthy ways where

00:59:34.540 you could look at it and say, okay, well, you know, here's these people they're, they're performing

00:59:39.140 better currently than, than I am right now. And so you can decide, like, are you going to be

00:59:44.300 demotivated by that or are you going to be inspired by it? And inspired is that's awesome. Now what for

00:59:50.200 me, right? Like what I'm going to do about it. Right. Or, you know, grandma died, but she left

00:59:55.800 me an inheritance. I'm just kidding. That's a joke. Dick. No, grandma's a great mom. How do I honor

01:00:02.920 her? So now what? I'm going to honor her. That's better. Yes. That's better. I helped you out there.

01:00:07.360 All right. What else we got? Okay. Last question. Greg, Greg, Greg Horms. How do you steer your kids

01:00:15.740 away from porn in this digital age? You talk to them about it like that. So here's what ahead of

01:00:23.020 time. Yeah, of course. Before they have a chance to run into preemptive, preemptive strikes right

01:00:27.760 here. You pick those targets and you preemptively strike against those targets. You know, it would be

01:00:32.020 like, it would be like going to a pool party and, uh, you know, your kids don't really know how to

01:00:37.760 swim, but you're going to bring them by the pool and hope they kind of figure it out. And you just

01:00:41.080 toss them in and like, or that they don't decide to jump in there with all the other kids. You're

01:00:45.580 like, you know, maybe they won't be inclined to jump in there. Yeah. Yeah. They know, they know they

01:00:50.700 don't have to swim. So they'll, they'll be okay. Yeah. Now, what do you do? You, you teach them how to

01:00:56.420 swim. You give them swimming lessons. You spend time in the pool with them. And I'm not saying spending time

01:01:00.360 watching porn with your kids, but, but I am saying that you're going to talk to them about it.

01:01:05.660 Kids appropriately. Here's some of the things that are out there. Here's some of the things you need

01:01:11.060 to be aware of. Here's what you should do. If you come across something, here's what you shouldn't do.

01:01:16.400 If you come across something, um, and, and you, you give them some exposure to the topic

01:01:22.800 because you're not going to keep them from seeing porn. It's just not possible.

01:01:30.100 And their curiosity is probably going to be more dangerous to them than, than you,

01:01:34.880 you, their curiosity, their buddies, you know, like my oldest is 13. He's got hormones. He's

01:01:41.260 thinking about girls. That's that stuff's all natural. It's all healthy and a healthy behavior,

01:01:47.140 a healthy thought process about it. Uh, but yeah, I think too many times we just run away from these

01:01:52.460 conversations and think that, Oh, I don't want to say same thing with firearms. You know, I think

01:01:57.040 there would be less, uh, firearm related injuries and deaths in the home. If more parents introduce

01:02:05.160 their children to firearms. Totally. You know, but if you, if you have a firearm in your house

01:02:10.240 and you store it in a, in a, this cool black vault with a dial on it, that you have to break with a sign

01:02:16.960 that says, try to get in me. Yeah. I mean, come on now, you know, like you were a kid,

01:02:23.620 you're an adult, you know, how curious you are about some of this stuff, but instead you're like,

01:02:28.040 Hey, you're going to shoot a BB gun. And then I'm going to, you're going to earn a 22. Uh,

01:02:34.100 and then you're going to shoot the little four 10 that we have the four 10 shotgun. Then you're

01:02:38.880 going to move to a 20. Then you're going to move to a 12. Okay. Now we're going to put you behind an AR

01:02:42.280 and like, we're going to get you familiar with this. And I'm not even saying you need to own a

01:02:47.080 gun. I'm not saying your kids need to own a gun, but man, if you don't get them familiar with it,

01:02:51.880 at least, you know, it's, it's, I think you're really doing a disservice if, if you're not

01:02:57.020 introducing these ideas, like they're going to be introduced and your voice needs to be the loudest.

01:03:03.360 So bring it up, talk about it. It's uncomfortable. It's awkward for everybody. So what do it?

01:03:10.080 Yeah. I love it. All right. One more, one more. You good for one more?

01:03:14.400 Yeah, man. All right. Isaac, uh, gobble from the foundry. Maybe this has been asked before,

01:03:19.820 but to Ryan, I'm halfway through sovereignty. And I wonder when you decided to go to work on yourself,

01:03:24.800 both in fitness and weight loss and taking responsibility for your life and thought

01:03:28.780 process. Did you have some guys that inspired you or were you able to encourage you through the

01:03:34.240 process or were you doing it solo? Um, so I really started to get on the path of self-development

01:03:41.960 more so than I ever had outside of high school. That's pretty dialed in high school. And then I

01:03:47.180 kind of let things go, uh, when my wife and I went through our separation. Yeah. And that's when I

01:03:52.940 realized, oh man, you need to like, you're really dropping the ball. You need to get back in shape.

01:03:57.300 You need to get your finances in check. You need to get your spiritual stuff lined out.

01:04:00.740 And then as I did that, you know, it produces those results. So I started talking about it,

01:04:05.100 but we always fall back into patterns of complacency. And so, uh, I did, I got really

01:04:09.980 complacent again after my wife and I got together years later. Uh, and I realized, man, I'm fat,

01:04:16.040 you know, like I, my kids asked to jump on the trampoline, my two oldest boys one day.

01:04:20.300 And I was like, sorry, guys, I can't. And I literally couldn't, I was exhausted from work.

01:04:25.300 My work revolves around talking to people and sitting behind a desk. Like why in the world should I be

01:04:30.060 exhausted? But I was, uh, and then I just remembered like their, their look of deflation

01:04:35.920 because her dad couldn't jump on the trampoline. And I, I made a vow. I'm like, I'm going to,

01:04:41.700 I'm going to get to the point where my kids get tired before I do. Like they get exhausted,

01:04:47.840 not me. Like, no, let's keep going. They're like, dad, we're tired. And I made that happen.

01:04:52.920 Um, by joining a gym, I joined a CrossFit gym. That's, that's primarily how I got my

01:04:58.200 fitness stuff lined out as I got, got into CrossFit religious with that, um, as training

01:05:03.760 five, maybe even six days a week. I don't do that as much. Not at all anymore. Cause jujitsu

01:05:09.180 is kind of taken over that side of things. Um, but yeah, I think I just, I had a good reason

01:05:16.140 for doing it. And then I've always been the kind of person who, once I set my sight on something,

01:05:22.940 I'm pretty relentless. Like I don't, it takes a while sometimes for me to set my, like fixate

01:05:29.880 on a target. I will admit that, you know, sometimes I I'm a little flighty. I'm a little

01:05:34.120 loose. I'm kind of like, yeah, we'll do that, but I'm not really committed to it. I admit that

01:05:38.060 about myself, but once I lock in on a target, I'm in on that target and I do not deviate until I

01:05:45.200 achieve that objective. So there's some strengths and weaknesses about me that I've been able to tap into.

01:05:50.020 Yeah. And, and so back to his question, I mean, it seems very solo then. I mean,

01:05:55.700 once you identified like, Hey, I need to do X. I mean, you, you weren't like constantly going to

01:06:00.300 CrossFit because I don't know, you're reading some book or you had guys pushing you, you were going

01:06:05.100 because you decided. I made the decision and I started going. Now that said, I made some

01:06:10.740 friendships at CrossFit Taylor, Jake, which helped you to continue to go. And, uh, Dave Howard is

01:06:17.940 another friend of mine who, you know, we'd have, we'd have competitions. Like we were both kind of

01:06:23.180 not great shape when we started and we got into shape together. And some days he would win, he'd

01:06:27.700 do it faster or more weight. And some days I would. Yeah. Yeah. And that competition for me was

01:06:33.420 invaluable. And I know it was for him too, because we've talked about it. Jiu Jitsu very much the same

01:06:38.080 way. I have good friends at Jiu Jitsu. Some of the guys, you know, I just train with other guys I'll

01:06:42.380 hang out with outside of training, but to go in and compete with another man for me, man, that's

01:06:50.040 huge. As I go in there, I compete. And I know tonight, for example, I'm going to train tonight.

01:06:56.640 There's guys, there's going to be some guys that best me. And there's going to be some guys that

01:06:59.800 don't, I don't want anybody to best me. I want to best everybody. And that competition is healthy

01:07:06.020 because it drives me towards productive action, which is to take care of my body, lift weights,

01:07:10.620 eat correctly, train, study, that sort of thing. Yeah, for sure. Cool, man. So a couple of things

01:07:18.500 as we wrap up. So, and we've talked about this, but for you guys interested, I've gotten guys

01:07:22.920 peeing me on, on, on the socials too, about this. So iron council is currently closed to new enrollment.

01:07:30.380 However, we'd recommend sign up for the newsletter and, or follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter

01:07:37.620 to stay up to date for when we open that enrollment back up to sign up for the newsletter,

01:07:42.240 go to orderofman.com slash iron council. And then to follow Mr. Mickler on the socials,

01:07:47.360 that's Ryan M I C H L E R on both Instagram and Twitter. Yep. Anything else, sir, that you'd want

01:07:54.760 to call out? No, I think that's it. Again, just the only other thing I'd say, guys, we're on a big

01:08:00.060 kick right now for reviews. So if you get any value from this, leave us a five-star rating and review.

01:08:05.240 Uh, there's thousands of people who are listening who haven't yet left a review. So go on right now

01:08:10.980 before you put the phone away or whatever, you get on your day, just real quick, pull it up five

01:08:15.700 stars. Ryan's awesome. Kip yet to be determined, whatever the review is like, throw it all in there.

01:08:22.680 And that's important to us. Cool. Awesome. And Kip, you are awesome by the way.

01:08:27.860 Yeah. Whatever. Don't panic. That is determined. That is determined.

01:08:30.940 All right, you guys. Hey, I'm not the one cracking jokes about poor grandma. So I just

01:08:37.000 want to point that out. True. That's true. All right, guys, we'll be back on, uh, on Friday until

01:08:44.020 then go out there, take action, become a man. You are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the

01:08:48.280 order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant

01:08:53.280 to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 26, 2022

Speaking Truth, Helping a Spouse with Sexual Abuse History, and Focusing on Your Circle of Control ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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