Order of Man - Stop Being Lazy, Beat Procrastination, and Eliminate Volatility

00:00:00.000 There's no tomorrow. Show me tomorrow. Where's it at? Point at it. Oh, God, it's a word that

00:00:06.360 represents something that does not exist. You don't have tomorrow. You have right now. That's

00:00:11.680 all you have. So what are you going to do right now? Stop worrying about like someday and when

00:00:17.100 things align. No, no, just win today. And before you know it, you're going to start stacking those

00:00:21.520 and you're going to start seeing success. Kip, what's up, man? Great to see you after

00:00:27.720 the weekend. How was the weekend for you? Do anything good? Training mostly probably?

00:00:32.340 I did do some training and then couldn't walk for a day or two. Ended up with a cold, man.

00:00:37.940 So I was like kind of down and out. But dude, I feel great today. You know how does that ever

00:00:42.960 happen to you? Like you feel sick, you sleep a lot, you lay around. And then when it's over,

00:00:47.760 I'm like, I'm going on all cylinders. So it's almost like my cold served as a reboot for me.

00:00:53.640 I feel great. Yeah, I think you do. I think guys need a reset. I mean, I feel good all the time,

00:00:59.980 so I never have to worry about getting better after. I'm just, that's not true. I have bad days

00:01:04.320 for sure. Yeah, I think a reset is good. I think there's a fine line though, too, between sitting

00:01:12.080 around, lounging around, getting comfortable with just being a fat slob on the couch and then just

00:01:18.360 deliberately, intentionally taking some rest. But also what I've noticed, and I know this about

00:01:24.420 you too, because we've talked about it, vacation mode. I think a lot of men, I don't know what

00:01:31.080 percentage, but I'd bet it's a hefty percentage of men have a really hard time, even on vacation,

00:01:37.560 after three days maybe I think is kind of the sweet spot, three or four days. And after that,

00:01:43.880 it's like, okay, I got to go be productive. I've got to go do something. I've got to get

00:01:48.680 out enough lounging around on the beach, enough with the restaurants. Let's go do this. I actually

00:01:53.540 think it's a testament to the deeper, broader significance that men need purpose. And if that

00:02:01.420 doesn't illustrate why we don't like sitting on the beach, sipping my ties, I don't know what else does.

00:02:09.100 Yeah. Yeah, totally. And in those cases, that day of being back in the saddle or that day of being

00:02:16.040 productive is an awesome day. And most guys feel great. So yeah, just a testament of what it means

00:02:23.320 to be a man. I think it's the key factor though, like with what you're saying about feeling a little

00:02:29.580 under the weather or having a bad day or getting back from a trip is the level of intentionality you

00:02:34.920 approach the next day with. Yeah. Because I've also had situations where I've come back from

00:02:40.600 a vacation with no intentionality about what I'm going to do when I get back. And I just want to go

00:02:45.760 back on vacation. So you need to make sure there's a lot of intentionality behind it as well.

00:02:52.180 Yeah, totally. Totally. I feel that. Yeah. Well, man, we got a handful of questions. You're ready to

00:02:56.980 just dive into these bad boys. We do have, oh yeah. Oh, well, I was going to call out the preview

00:03:02.920 call for the iron council, but we'll, we'll weave that in. Well, I might as well say it now next

00:03:07.640 week, next Wednesday at what was the time? 8 PM Eastern. No, it's actually, it's actually this

00:03:15.260 Wednesday, this Wednesday. Okay. Perfect. That's right. Yeah. So March 18th. So today, as of the

00:03:22.320 release of this podcast, it's tonight. So it's at 8 PM Eastern. If you go to the iron council.com

00:03:28.620 slash preview, you can get access to our preview call. Yeah. And, and really that's us kind of

00:03:35.320 pulling back the curtains a little bit, answering questions and talking about what is, what is it

00:03:40.180 like being in the iron council? So if you've been kind of like, what is this elusive brotherhood

00:03:44.880 that calls for you, that calls for you. All right. Let's hop into it. Travis Neville,

00:03:51.000 what belief about manhood did you have in your, when you were five to 10 years old that you now know

00:03:57.640 was completely wrong? Oh, I re I misread that question when I was five to 10.

00:04:04.600 Oh, I know. I literally just read it. You misread it. I misread it five to 10 years ago. So geez,

00:04:12.420 well, we're old. Let's do the math five to 10 years. All right. So where were you?

00:04:17.500 35 to 40 years old. Okay. For me. So got it. Uh, man, what would I say? Well, there's a couple

00:04:24.380 of things that come to mind. Number one, men cannot do this thing we call life alone when

00:04:33.140 you're younger and you haven't got kicked in the balls enough. It seems like you can just

00:04:37.900 muscle through and power through anything. And as you're younger, I think in a lot of ways

00:04:43.400 you can, because you're so hopped up on life and you're excited about life and you're optimistic.

00:04:48.100 And then you just face the realities, the inevitable realities of what we as men are called to bear.

00:04:55.980 And unless I had developed, even just over the past 10 years of, of doing this movement,

00:05:01.800 developed a good, strong, healthy, accountable band of men. I would have got through it still.

00:05:12.680 Yeah. But it would have taken me a whole lot longer. I don't think I would have learned lessons

00:05:18.060 as efficiently and as quickly. I don't think I'd be in the position that I am right now with my

00:05:24.180 satisfaction and growth and success in life. And, and my mental state would be greatly diminished if I

00:05:33.660 didn't have good quality men like you and others in my corner. So that, that is one thing.

00:05:38.140 The other thing that comes to mind for me is, and we talked about this on the podcast last week is

00:05:44.220 there's this, I don't want to say hidden side of, of masculinity, but typically when somebody thinks

00:05:52.280 about what is manliness or what is masculinity or what does it mean to be a man, it's a very tangible

00:05:57.840 thing. Well, it's somebody who's strong. It's somebody who provides a financial lifestyle for his

00:06:03.600 family. It's somebody who can lead well, who can orate, who can communicate effectively, who can build

00:06:07.860 businesses and empires. And he he's involved with his, his team, his, his kids team sports. And

00:06:15.260 it's very tangible. It's, it's very recognizable. But I also think there's a lot that goes on. And

00:06:20.480 this is something that's developing for me over the past five to 10 years that's going on under the

00:06:24.480 surface. That's hard to see. It's like, is this a good and decent human being? Is this somebody who

00:06:29.120 has the desire to serve people? Is this somebody who has a principled approach to life? What are they

00:06:36.640 going to do when nobody is looking? What do they do in their free time when they're by themselves?

00:06:42.080 If they see somebody struggling and nobody would ever see them trying to do something better,

00:06:46.780 would they actually do it? How do they feel about themselves? Are they downtrodden and beat up and

00:06:52.980 lost confidence? Or are they developing and building new skills and quietly improving their lives so that

00:06:59.920 they can go out and serve themselves and other people more effectively? It's this elusive,

00:07:04.440 non-tangible that I, that I think I have overlooked personally and, and in the business,

00:07:12.880 frankly. And I think a lot of these other men's movements have missed out on as well. I mean,

00:07:19.740 even us, Kip, you know, we talk about go to the gym, go train jujitsu, learn how to shoot a gun,

00:07:25.380 learn how to build a business, learn how to deal with your finances. And there's nothing wrong with

00:07:29.260 that. But unless we get that deeper intangible stuff figured out, I think the other stuff matters

00:07:34.960 less, or at least it'll have less of an impact. Like the, the inner work, if you want to use that

00:07:39.520 term, like dealing with self. That's a great way to say it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I mean,

00:07:44.020 I can't tell you how many guys we talk with that are, they, they just like no confidence, no,

00:07:52.000 no surety of themselves there. They've got trauma from when they were young and that's impacting them

00:07:58.420 deeply. And it's, it's painful to watch what these guys are going through. It really is.

00:08:03.280 Yeah. Well, and, and sometimes those actions help address it, but sometimes those actions end up

00:08:08.720 becoming the tool to hide it. Right. And not address it. Again, it's about intentionality. So if I tell you

00:08:15.800 to go to the gym, you could go to the gym and you could get a sweat, but unless you really focus on

00:08:22.160 why you're doing it, what you hope to accomplish and what muscle groups you want to work, your results

00:08:27.740 are going to be abysmal. Yeah. Yeah. I see that. You know, one thing that comes to mind regarding

00:08:33.480 Travis's question, you know, five to 10 years, if I, if I go to 10 years, the biggest thing and it's,

00:08:40.640 and I guess it's around manhood, but there's a dynamic of, of relationships here with the

00:08:47.540 feminine, but it was a major shift for me about 10 years ago. And it was, I used to believe that

00:08:55.980 as parents, we needed to parent the same. And if we weren't parenting the same, then we're

00:09:02.880 misaligned. And, and it was this constant battle with my wife and I around how we should be parenting.

00:09:10.640 And the breakthrough that I had was we're not going to parent the same and nor should we.

00:09:15.740 And what I bring to the table as a man from the masculine perspective is exactly what my kids need.

00:09:22.860 And what they also need is a feminine mom that's nurturing and extra loving and stop beating each

00:09:30.060 other up for not being on exactly the same page, but celebrating our differences in regards to how

00:09:36.220 we treat our children. Now, both of us need, there's elements of keeping it in

00:09:40.520 check, right. On both of our sides. Right. Absolutely.

00:09:43.520 Absolutely. But I never celebrated the difference. And I, and I used to think we had to be on the

00:09:48.600 same page. And if we weren't on the same page, then something was wrong. And that's probably the

00:09:52.200 biggest breakthrough for me about 10 years ago. I think that's well said. You know, I think it's,

00:09:58.200 especially when you see the woman in your life, your, your, your wife, your children's mother,

00:10:02.620 where maybe she's coddling them too much. You can respect what she's trying to do and still offer

00:10:07.940 some insight into be empathetic to the way she might be feeling, but offer some insight into,

00:10:12.440 Hey, that might've been 10% too much, right? Like let him figure it out. Right. Or conversely,

00:10:19.080 you should be able to allow your wife to come to you and say, Hey, you know what? Like, I know you

00:10:24.220 want your, our kids to be disciplined, but you, you took it a little too far and it undermined what

00:10:30.140 you were trying to do. So maybe dial it back a notch or two. And you should be humble enough to

00:10:35.840 say, Oh, you know what? Yeah. Now, if she's, if she's like, Hey, don't get after the kids at all,

00:10:41.600 that's a problem. Or if you let her just run roughshod over the empathetic side of things to

00:10:46.960 raise the kids, then that's also a problem. So yeah, I think, and also celebrating that in front of the

00:10:53.700 kids too, right? Is, Hey guys, look like your wife should say to your kids, Hey, I know dad can be a

00:10:59.760 little rough around the edges sometimes. And I know it feels harsh, but he's doing it because he loves

00:11:04.380 you and he wants you to have discipline and he wants us to have structure. And this is why he's

00:11:08.680 created this incredible financial prosperity for us and the beautiful home that we have and all of the

00:11:14.460 blessings that we get to enjoy. Your wife should do that. And you should also be supporting your wife

00:11:20.200 in front of your kids by saying, Hey, look, your mom loves you. She cares about you. She wants the

00:11:24.660 best for you. That's why she goes out of her way. That's why I know sometimes maybe it's annoying,

00:11:29.660 but she calls you or texts you more than you want because she loves you and she cares about you.

00:11:34.220 And she's checking in because that's her role. Verbal affirmation around those things in front of

00:11:39.960 your children is huge, massively huge. Yeah, I could see that. All right, Grant. Well, actually,

00:11:46.760 there's one thing I want to bring up regarding Travis's question. And let me run this by you.

00:11:51.940 It's a little bit of a segue, but it's related. So back to his question, right? The belief about

00:11:56.400 manhood and what has changed for us. You brought up something we talk about a lot, which is kind of

00:12:03.240 this lone wolf mentality, right? That you can't do it alone. And when you were saying that, Ryan,

00:12:09.020 I immediately thought we never really do it alone anyway. And, and maybe an element of lone wolf,

00:12:17.660 like a drawback of the lone wolf mentality is one, you know, you're not enlisting intentionally

00:12:23.660 people around you, but I can't help but look at the success in my life. And they're always on the

00:12:29.720 backside of an opportunity being presented to me by someone else. Did I really ever do it alone?

00:12:35.060 My business? Oh, I did it alone. No, no, no. You had customers that chose to believe in you.

00:12:40.760 Oh no, I, I earned that job. No, no, no. Someone took a risk and gave you an opportunity. So I'm

00:12:45.920 also wondering, like your thoughts on this is that part of this lone wolf mentality is also the

00:12:51.360 arrogance that you did it alone. When in reality, maybe you never did, right? And maybe the rate

00:12:58.280 reality is, is you need to be more open and have some gratitude and understanding that your success

00:13:06.780 is often a result of a relationship or someone else believing in you.

00:13:13.920 Not often, always. Always. Yeah. I mean, I can't think of a time where I've succeeded in any aspect

00:13:22.580 of life without having somebody's hand in that success. Yeah. And you said, it's the arrogance

00:13:28.160 that we as men have. That's exactly right. My mind went to the humility we ought to have,

00:13:33.120 but it's the same. We're talking about the same thing. Yeah. When, when, when you're at work and

00:13:38.460 you get praise and accolades for hitting that deadline or increasing sales, it feels good and you

00:13:45.060 should celebrate it. But you got to remember you had, you know, the, the web guy working on the website

00:13:50.280 and he tweaked some things on the website. And then you had the marketing team put together some

00:13:54.760 really cool graphics for you or some information that you could present to clients. And you got to

00:13:59.600 remember that guy did that. And then you had, um, you had roads that somebody built as you were driving

00:14:07.280 to your clients and you had infrastructure technology that other people built. And then we have freedom

00:14:14.700 that thousands, hundreds of thousands of people have died in order for us to have. So we could go sell

00:14:19.820 the thing that we think is important. There's so much to this. There's a great, um, there's a

00:14:25.480 great clip. Every man ought to find. And he was, it was, I think it's Milton Friedman, but he's

00:14:31.220 holding up, I'm have a pen here, but he's holding up a pencil. Have you seen this clip? Yes. Yes.

00:14:35.900 It's, it's so profound. So incredible. Look it up guys. It'll, it'll change the way you think about

00:14:41.940 life value proposition, capitalism, but he's holding up this pencil and he says something to the effect

00:14:48.140 that I'm going to slaughter it. But he's like, you know, most people look at this pencil and they

00:14:51.960 think, you know, it's just a pencil. It's not a big deal. He's like, but imagine this, this came

00:14:56.500 from a tree that a logger went out and sacrificed limb and body in order to cut down that tree and get

00:15:04.360 it to a mill. And then at the mill, there was engineers and people building the equipment that

00:15:10.140 would strip that tree down and shave this. And then it was shaped. And then look, it was painted.

00:15:15.280 Somebody painted that. And what is paint even who did, who created paint? And then you look

00:15:20.400 at this little rubber thing on the end of the pencil, we call it an eraser. And it comes from

00:15:24.380 the rubber tree extracted in only certain aspects of places of the world. People have died in order

00:15:32.040 to get this material. So we could make erasers and rub out a little mistake that we made on a piece

00:15:38.020 of paper. It's really fascinating how intertwined everything is and how often we just assume that

00:15:44.820 well, I'm great. I did it all myself. No, you didn't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Back to

00:15:51.320 Grant. So Grant, there's one other thing though, Kip, I wanted to say actually. So when you asked

00:15:55.620 me about it, so there's a difference and I've been riffing on this in my mind for the past couple of

00:16:00.180 weeks, there's a difference between solitude and isolation. And that's what men need to understand.

00:16:05.540 Solitude is being able to sit with yourself without needing external sources to validate you,

00:16:13.880 to make you feel better about yourself, to prop you up. And so there's nothing wrong with solitude.

00:16:19.380 We should all be able to be comfortable with ourselves. Isolation is needing that connection,

00:16:27.880 needing bonding, needing accountability, but deliberate, maybe not even deliberately,

00:16:33.540 but isolating or pulling yourself out of those environments because of fear or laziness or

00:16:40.880 procrastination or fill in the blank. And I think that's what a lot of guys will do.

00:16:46.380 Even in the context of what you just shared is they'll isolate themselves from the team.

00:16:52.600 Again, maybe it's stroking the ego or maybe they don't want to get burned and that's a problem.

00:16:57.440 And I think it's really important. We understand the distinction. There's nothing wrong with being

00:17:01.520 willing and able to sit with yourself. There's also nothing wrong with being able to form deep and

00:17:07.900 meaningful connections in your life. Yeah. Yeah. I see that. All right. Grant Grinswig,

00:17:14.360 being lazy or wasting my time. I've been creating content on TikTok and Instagram for 40 years now.

00:17:22.000 It started as a hobby, but my goal has been to turn it into a side hustle. I have found success,

00:17:27.960 24,000 followers on TikTok, but lately it's become more of a chore spending three hours making a video

00:17:35.160 that only gets a few hundred views. Is this just part of the grind that I need to tough out or am I

00:17:41.400 putting off, putting my time and efforts elsewhere? I appreciate the time.

00:17:48.040 I would, I would start with the end in mind and Stephen Covey might say, and ask yourself,

00:17:52.840 why are you doing this? Yeah. What, what is the purpose? If it's just a hobby and you enjoy it,

00:18:01.240 then it really doesn't matter how many views you get or how long it takes or anything like that.

00:18:07.260 It's just a hobby. It's something you enjoy. If it's something that you say, well, no, I'd actually

00:18:12.880 like to start a business. Did he say what the subject was? I may not, I may not have caught that.

00:18:17.400 No. Um, but his TikToks like track farmer. So probably something with homestead or yeah.

00:18:25.080 Okay, cool. So maybe at some point you would like to, uh, create, create some revenue from this and

00:18:32.580 turn it into a business. Maybe you have some sort of proprietary information or some patented tool or

00:18:38.240 something that you want to share and sell. And okay. So now it's a business. If it's a business,

00:18:44.460 you have to be more strategic about why it might not be working. Why are you, is it for example,

00:18:50.720 if it says track farmer and you're going to see my ignorance when I talk about this, but I think you

00:18:56.340 guys will get the point. If it takes me a week to, you know, plow an acre long field, that's probably

00:19:05.220 not, there's probably something wrong. Like I don't have the right equipment. I'm not doing it correctly.

00:19:10.360 Maybe the soil's bad, but if I'm spending all of this time trying to get the field ready and I can't

00:19:17.440 even, you know, sow or, or reap the harvest in a, in a efficient time, then I have to go to the

00:19:23.500 drawing board and ask myself, well, why is this not working? So it doesn't make sense to spend three

00:19:29.920 hours on a video for a hundred or 200 views. Probably not now, or excuse me. It makes more sense

00:19:37.060 now as you're building things up than it might in the future, because then you'll start to have some

00:19:41.860 traction and you'll have some leverage. But again, you have to ask yourself, what is the purpose of

00:19:47.580 this? What is it that I'm trying to accomplish? And I would like you to actually answer that question

00:19:51.660 and come back and let me know, because I can give you a better answer. The other factor you need to

00:19:57.720 consider, is this even something that you enjoy? Let's strip away the time it takes. Let's strip away

00:20:03.700 the frustration that it's not growing to the degree that you would like it to. Are you even

00:20:07.900 excited about this? If you are, yeah, keep doing it and you're going to become more efficient. It's

00:20:13.800 not going to take you three hours. Maybe at some point you start to sell something and then you bring

00:20:17.940 somebody in to you to do your editing. So you're not taking three hours. Now you're taking 30 minutes

00:20:23.320 recording some content. That's exactly the way it is for me. When I started order of man,

00:20:28.200 I was the podcaster like I am now. I was the editor. I was the promoter. I was the uploader.

00:20:34.440 I was everything. Now, granted, technology has come a very far way in 11 years that has made it

00:20:40.240 more efficient. But I hired that out quickly. Chad Robeson does that for us now. And I'm so

00:20:45.100 grateful that he does it because he's good at it and he likes doing it. And I'm not good at it and I

00:20:50.500 don't like doing it. But the only way you get to that point to go back to capitalism, and I love

00:20:55.400 capitalism, it has such a bad rap, but I love capitalism, is that you have to sell something.

00:21:03.120 You have to make money. Because if you're not making money, then you're always going to be the

00:21:08.060 guy doing the thing. So whatever, if there's a blockage there and there is for people where they

00:21:12.740 just can't get over the hurdle of making money, I hear it all the time. They're like, oh, I'm not an

00:21:18.740 expert and I don't know what to charge. And I don't know if people would like this. And I shut up.

00:21:24.300 Seriously, just sell something. Well, I don't know what to sell. Okay, you're a smart person.

00:21:30.880 Figure it out. Is it a course? Is it a program? Is it a widget? Is it a piece of technology? Is it

00:21:38.360 coaching? Is it consulting? Here's another one. Is it access to your audience? Maybe John Deere

00:21:44.740 has, and clearly they do, they have farm equipment. And they're interested in getting that in front of

00:21:51.400 farmers, ranchers, countrymen. Okay, well, that's your audience. So don't you think that John Deere

00:21:57.880 might be interested in paying you a little bit money to get in front of your audience? That's

00:22:02.780 basically what YouTube is. But you have to make money if you want this thing to continue beyond

00:22:08.160 just it being a hobby. And it is interesting because when you start making money, people will

00:22:14.600 mock you for it. And it's the only, not the only, but it's one of the only times that I see people

00:22:22.400 getting after others for making money. Because what they'll say is, well, I thought you just had a

00:22:28.740 passion for this. I thought you just liked doing this. Well, what does that have to do with making

00:22:33.620 money? Or you're not just doing this out of the goodness of your heart? I hear that one a lot. It's

00:22:38.560 like, well, what do you do for work? And they'll answer, well, I, you know, I'm a, I'm a school

00:22:42.740 teacher. Oh, oh, so you love kids. Yeah, I love kids. Oh, so you want to help build the future

00:22:48.480 generations. That's what you're saying? Yeah, I love doing that. Why aren't you doing it out of the

00:22:53.140 goodness of your heart? You cash that paycheck every time it comes in. Why do you get to cash a

00:22:57.980 paycheck for doing something you love, but I don't. So it's really interesting. And you're going to hear

00:23:02.940 some of that when you start doing this. But if you want it to be more than a hobby, then you have to

00:23:06.480 sell something. Bottom line. I love what you said, referencing Covey, right? The end in mine.

00:23:14.080 And I think with social media, it's one of the many probably examples. And maybe my question to

00:23:20.080 you, Ryan, is like, what other ways do we get distracted where, you know, Grant might find

00:23:25.240 himself was like, oh, 24,000 followers. Oh, I'm going to get to 50. I'm going to get to 60. It's a hundred.

00:23:30.840 And he's lost complete sight of like, why he's doing it in the first place. And he's made it

00:23:37.480 about followers. And there's a, maybe a dopamine hit of like, Hey, see, I'm making progress, but he's

00:23:43.640 lost sight of why he's even doing it in the first place. I think this is an example of that showing up

00:23:49.160 in social media, but we do the same thing in the business world all the time. It's like, let's make

00:23:56.540 the strategic move. Let's change this process. And before you know it, we're implementing something

00:24:01.140 for the sake of implementing it. And we have lost sight of what the original intention was.

00:24:06.440 And then we don't make the necessary pivots and adjustments during the process, because now it's

00:24:12.020 just about implementing said, said some system, because why will it validates and makes me feel

00:24:16.860 good that we implement it, even if it doesn't hit the target. Right. Yeah. I think the things that

00:24:22.980 you do have to be harmonious. So growing your social media following is not a bad thing in and

00:24:29.600 of itself. You have to do that because that gives you more eyeballs to get your message in front of

00:24:33.320 more people. But if it's just for the number, then it's not harmonizing with everything else. So I'm not

00:24:39.040 interested in having, for example, um, picking up 10,000 female followers in Indonesia.

00:24:47.580 Uh, what is that? I mean, yeah, sure. I've got 10,000 more followers on my account, but what does

00:24:54.100 that have to do with anything regarding the work that we do here? It doesn't now, do I want to pick

00:25:00.540 up 10,000 followers in the inside of the Midwest? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Men in the Midwest between

00:25:08.680 the ages of 25 to about 50. Yeah, absolutely. That's who I want to pick up. Right. And so that

00:25:13.220 actually matters and that's harmonizing versus just chasing something that doesn't actually impact

00:25:18.460 what it is you're trying to accomplish. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think we intentionally do it. I

00:25:25.580 think it's, um, if we're not careful, we'll find ourselves chasing something and not realize that

00:25:31.220 it's out of alignment with the objective. Well, we're incentivized to behave that way on social media,

00:25:38.720 right? Everybody's follower counts are there and you can see how many likes they have and see how much

00:25:43.000 attention they have and see how many comments they're generating and see how many times it's

00:25:46.460 shared. And then you look at somebody that you admire and respect. You know, for example, I look

00:25:50.680 at, um, Sean Ryan, for example, I really respect and admire Sean for what he's built and what he's

00:25:56.000 doing. And then I look at his follower accounts and he's massive compared to what, what we're doing

00:26:01.040 here. Okay. Like that's some incentivized to try to chase that when I'm not real deliberate about

00:26:07.200 the kind of followers that we want or the kind of men we want as part of this organization.

00:26:11.600 Yeah. Yeah. Will Luna, he has a question, just your general thoughts and feelings about peptides.

00:26:18.980 I think we covered this a couple of weeks ago, but maybe we just cover it briefly, um, thoughts

00:26:23.980 and feelings. I mean, I'm not, I'm not against peptides. You know, there's, there's certain

00:26:29.660 things that the body needs and hormones that we have, uh, uh, deficiencies in and opportunities

00:26:34.920 that we have. I think just consult with your medical professional and be smart about it and

00:26:40.000 understand what the risk versus reward is. There's side effects for some of these things.

00:26:44.340 And people say, Oh, it's natural. Is it? You're pumping your body.

00:26:48.300 Still need a needle. Yeah. Right. Like, is it natural? I know what you're saying when you

00:26:53.240 say that, but our, our ancestors weren't doing that. And then the argument is, well, our ancestors

00:26:58.300 didn't live as long and they weren't as strong and they weren't as effective. Okay. Well, you

00:27:03.380 have to weigh that decision and decide for yourself. So yeah, I would just be careful,

00:27:07.060 you know, and I'm one of those guys who says, you know, why don't you turn to the like natural

00:27:13.460 ways of doing things. And once you have that on lock, then you can start looking at some

00:27:17.300 of these other things, you know, supplements is the same way. So many people love their

00:27:21.340 supplements. And again, I have nothing wrong with supplements, but if you're fat and out of

00:27:26.560 shape and overweight, you don't go to the gym, you eat like a dump truck or garbage truck.

00:27:33.300 Like, and then what you're going to take some pro like a protein shake every day and think

00:27:38.360 that that's going to be the thing that's going to turn your health around. No, that's a 10%

00:27:42.080 solution. Like do the 90%, go to the gym, eat better, clean up your diet, clean up your

00:27:47.940 exercise, like get active. And then, Hey, let's add some more protein so I can build muscle.

00:27:53.060 And then that's where the intentionality comes from. So yeah, I don't have any, I don't

00:27:56.500 have any problem with peptides. Um, I think just use it smartly, understand what you're

00:28:01.040 trying to accomplish and that's it. Yeah. There's some wild stuff out there. Some wild

00:28:09.180 stuff. I know, I know a guy that, um, a buddy of mine, he was taking a peptide that, um, for

00:28:17.680 your skin. So then that way, when you're in the sun, you tan better. Yeah. It makes you

00:28:23.060 darker. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, no way. And he's like, yeah, totally. And he's like,

00:28:26.480 he sent me a picture. I was like, is that going to wear off? You look like you're from

00:28:31.520 the middle East. It was so hilarious. He got that dark. He got wicked dark. He had to dial

00:28:38.260 back how much he was taking. Cause he got insanely dark. And I was like, Whoa, that's

00:28:43.340 wild. So wild. I don't know. I, I think there's probably a line of, you know, you start to get

00:28:50.480 into genetic engineering, which is there's some moral conversations we could have around

00:28:56.200 that. Uh, especially as it relates to picking out a baby, like a build a bear, you know, you're

00:29:03.400 like, I want to have a kid with bill eyes and I wanted to be six, seven and offensive lineman

00:29:09.520 for Ohio state. And so let's build them this way. And I'm like, eh, I have some issues with

00:29:14.540 that, but I don't think that's too, it's not far off. People are doing that now. No. So

00:29:19.200 there's just genetic coding. And you know, the big thing about Jim Carrey being a clone,

00:29:23.080 I'm like, I don't, I don't think we're that far off. It, I don't think he is, but I don't

00:29:27.660 think we're that far off. I, I've, I have this idea, not, it's not my idea, but this thought

00:29:32.300 that at some point we just won't die because I can build a new meat sack, download my brain,

00:29:38.960 put it into the new meat sack. And then the new meat sack won't really know the difference

00:29:43.480 between Ryan that was born in 1981 and Ryan that was born in 2026. And he'll just feel

00:29:50.800 like me, which is so weird to think about. Yeah. It's wild. It's wild. All right. What

00:29:57.880 questions did you have, right? Uh, okay. So I've got some off Instagram. Let me pull it

00:30:02.320 up here. Okay. Um, okay. So what's that? No, nothing. Okay. So this one comes from,

00:30:08.960 um, I don't know what, I'm actually not going to say their names because I don't know. I

00:30:13.220 requested questions. And so I had a couple of people respond anyways. So this one says

00:30:19.460 this, it says, I live in California. Rent is not lower than $2,200 for a two bed, two

00:30:24.520 bath. I'm a family of four. I can do it, but is it normal to pay that on a single salary

00:30:29.680 of 6,000 per month? So again, $2,200 rent, $6,000 a month. Um, is that the quote unquote

00:30:37.280 smart thing to do? I have no debt. Good work on that. And the main goal is to get into a

00:30:42.240 house in the future. Thanks to order of man. I've saved 19,000 in cash in the bank, about

00:30:47.620 40 K in the 401 K 38 years old. And I'm S and, uh, a little typo, I think here, but I think

00:30:56.540 he's saying, and I'm stuck, bro. Any advice? Thanks for thank you. Loyal listener of your

00:31:01.460 podcast. I mean, $2,200 on a $6,000 salary for housing is a lot. Yeah. And we're not

00:31:11.520 even taking the, I mean, we might be, I don't know the details, but we're probably not taking

00:31:15.580 into consideration utilities, you know, garbage, sewer, water, electrical internet. So there's

00:31:22.220 other expenses on top of that renter's insurance. If you pick up renter's insurance. And so all

00:31:27.240 of a sudden half of your income, you're up to $3,000. Half of your income is now going

00:31:32.860 towards, uh, to housing. And that's a bad scenario. I usually, when I was doing financial planning

00:31:38.740 would recommend 20 to 25%. Now you're saying, Hey, we're a family of four. This is a two bedroom

00:31:45.360 place with two baths. It would be difficult to live in anything smaller than that for a family

00:31:50.520 of force, especially depending on your kids' ages. So you might be in this position. When I look

00:31:55.900 at this, I don't think the housing thing is the issue. Although housing is insane. I look at the

00:32:00.920 $6,000 a month as the issue. You got to figure out something else to do to make more money. Cause

00:32:07.600 you're just, once you start hitting tax, man, taxes, now all of a sudden it's $5,000 a month.

00:32:13.720 Now your housing is 3000 and you've got 2000 left over. You're probably paying six to $700 a month

00:32:19.820 for groceries. You've got, uh, insurances, you've got different licensing things that you need to do.

00:32:26.520 You've got a couple of date nights per week. And all of a sudden, I mean, you're the transmission

00:32:31.720 on the car goes out and that 19,000 or whatever you saved is gone, completely gone. I wonder,

00:32:38.900 as I hear this, how did you build $19,000 in, in cash? And what is your current living situation?

00:32:46.280 Right. Because if you're able to build that $19,000 with another 40 in the 401k,

00:32:52.820 well, how'd you do that? If you're, if you're paying $2,200, I can't help, but think that he's

00:32:58.160 trying to change at this point, his, his living situation. And maybe he's not in the position to

00:33:03.020 do it. I don't know what comes to mind for you, Kip. Get out of California. I mean, but honestly,

00:33:10.520 it's going to be just, I have, sorry, I mean, you come to Utah. I have a three, right. I have a

00:33:16.200 three bedroom, two bath place. It's 1400 square foot square feet that I rent out and it's $2,200

00:33:23.360 is our, is the rent. Yeah. And I'll get that. I'll get that all day long. In fact, we just had some

00:33:28.860 tenants who they just sent a notice to vacate. So they're moving out. I'll have that filled in a

00:33:33.860 week, less than. Yeah. So I don't think it's much better anywhere else. Yeah. Your best bet is that

00:33:40.420 cashflow, right? That monthly cashflow comes to mind. It's tough. Yeah. I don't, I don't think

00:33:46.500 that you can skimp your way into financial prosperity. You know, like I I've even had a

00:33:54.080 conversation with Dave Ramsey on the podcast and he's like, Oh, beans and rice, save your money,

00:33:58.220 get out of debt. And all of that is true. Cashflow, all that's good. That's all good. And I said to him,

00:34:03.600 I said, Hey Dave, with all due respect, you know, you're telling people this stuff. That's not how

00:34:07.160 you built wealth. Yeah. I said, you built your wealth and business and real estate. And you're

00:34:12.440 not telling people to do that. You're saying, put a little bit of money into mutual funds. And he's

00:34:16.400 like, Hey, you know what, Ryan? Fair question to his credit. He was like, Hey, that's a fair question.

00:34:20.960 He's like, I know who my audience is. And his audience is people who are making $6,000 a month and

00:34:28.020 paying $2,200 a month in rent. What I want to see for this person is I want to see them making

00:34:35.660 8,000 a month, 10,000 a month, 15,000 a month. And so I would focus on the house, do what you need

00:34:43.160 to do for housing. But in the meantime, start building up some skills, start networking, look

00:34:50.220 for things, extra things you could do around, around work to make yourself valuable and get

00:34:54.360 noticed and get that promotion. Maybe there's a little side hustle. Maybe you're a great builder

00:35:01.080 and you know how to build bookshelves. Cool. Sell bookshelves on the weekend to neighbors.

00:35:08.100 Maybe you know photography really well. And so great. Invite a couple people over on the week.

00:35:13.880 Do it once a month. Invite people over, charge, I don't know, $250 to $500 a pop, have 10 people

00:35:19.580 there. All of a sudden that's five grand that you're making. Like there's things that you can

00:35:24.620 do if you get a little creative. It's, it was funny because, um, I was driving back from the

00:35:31.920 grocery store the other day with my youngest son. And I don't know why he said this. It was kind of

00:35:35.960 funny. He's like, dad, I hate couponers. And I was like, what, where did that come from? He's like,

00:35:41.820 I just don't understand why you're going to like spend a bunch of time and energy, like cutting out

00:35:45.380 coupons. Like, can't you just, what did he say? He's like, it just takes too long. And can't you

00:35:51.600 just like buy it and not worry about it? It was like something like that. Like he's trying to

00:35:55.480 connect the dots a little. Yeah. And I don't have anything against couponers. Like if you like

00:36:00.240 couponing and you want to save a few pennies, like do it. If it's fun for you or like fine,

00:36:05.160 nothing wrong with that. But why are you focused on skimping when you should be focused on abundance?

00:36:12.040 What if instead of couponing, you said, I'm going to take a course and I'm going to learn

00:36:18.180 how to do a real skill that will actually generate revenue for me. And then the five cents that you're

00:36:25.000 going to save on X, Y, and Z is irrelevant because you're making 25 cents for every increment of time

00:36:31.920 it took you to save five. Yeah. So I think that's what he should focus on. Like, how do we get that to

00:36:37.780 $8,000? Yeah. And then the rent becomes a non-issue. I see it. Yeah. Cool. All right.

00:36:47.260 I got another couple of questions here. Let's go to this one. This one is a little tricky. I didn't

00:36:55.180 quite understand this question. Maybe you do. He says, how do I build a network of specialized trades

00:36:59.660 to build a construction business? So what I think he's, what I think he's wanting to do is build a

00:37:05.920 network of subcontractors that he has access to so he can build his own general contracting

00:37:13.180 business. That's what I think he's asking. Yeah, I agree. That's how I read it. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

00:37:20.380 Well, first and foremost, I would go to industry events. There's probably a lot of stuff locally

00:37:26.320 where you can go to industry events and meet people and connect with people. Maybe there's trade shows

00:37:31.360 you can connect with and start to learn how to be a networker in this, in this department. The other

00:37:37.020 thing I would do is I would put together a weekly, I would do this a hundred percent. And I don't know

00:37:42.540 if contractors do this or not. I would put together a weekly meeting where we get all contractors

00:37:49.220 together. And I'll give you some, some nuance on this where you facilitate, uh, subcontractors

00:37:58.540 getting together and helping each other out. And you're the only general contractor there because

00:38:04.280 you started it. So get all your tile guys, get all your drywall guys, get all your plumbers, get all

00:38:10.260 your mechanics, get all your roofers, get all your electricians, get everybody together and just say,

00:38:15.320 Hey guys, we meet once a week. Our sole purpose here is to network. It's to meet each other. It's

00:38:20.260 to, um, teach each other certain techniques or marketing ideas. It's to trade business back and forth.

00:38:26.880 And you know, what will happen is Kip, if I'm a tile guy and you're a tile guy, maybe you're slammed,

00:38:32.920 but you know me really well. And you feel happy with the quality of work I do. And you're like,

00:38:36.800 Hey, right. I've got this job. It's not a big job, but I've got a job and, um, it'll, you know,

00:38:43.260 it'll take you and a crew, uh, a couple of days to get done. I don't have the capacity to do it.

00:38:47.480 Do you want to do it? Hell yeah. If I'm new or struggling or I don't have time. Yeah, I'll do that.

00:38:51.880 But this kind of stuff happens all the time. And if you can facilitate that by creating a group

00:38:58.800 to get these guys together on a very consistent basis, man, and you're the contractor there

00:39:03.800 that they all know. I, I think that's a note that'll take a lot of work. I'm not saying that

00:39:09.560 it'll take a lot of work, a lot of diligence, a lot of intentionality, but I think you could put

00:39:13.700 together a really rad trade organization in your local community. Totally. That's what I do. Once

00:39:20.420 you reach out to one, they already have the better connections than you have too. So I think there'd

00:39:25.580 be some growing momentum, right? Once you get the framers, you know, one framer, it's like, Hey,

00:39:30.880 who's your top drywall guys that you interact with from time to time? Oh, it's these guys. And

00:39:36.100 then all of a sudden this becomes an easier slam dunk once you line up a couple. Yeah.

00:39:40.260 Yeah. Yeah. I think so. But yeah, that's, that's any other thoughts. That's how I would do it. But

00:39:46.480 any other thoughts that you have? The other thought I would have is, I mean, you know,

00:39:50.360 people who have built homes and, and so literally ask your neighborhood or ask your friends,

00:39:56.740 you know, that it's like, Hey, who's your primary HVAC guy that you guys have used? I mean,

00:40:01.860 that's how we find half our trades that we ever use. It's word of mouth from the people in our

00:40:08.540 community. So ask them and who was the great guy. And there there's your connection. You don't even

00:40:14.280 have to hop online and do some research. Just maybe start from there. Yeah. But let me ask you

00:40:20.340 this. Let's say that you do that and you get, uh, a great, you know, framer, for example.

00:40:28.900 And this gentleman wants to call that framer. What is, what does he do? What does he say? Like,

00:40:32.860 where does he go? Cause I hear this question a lot. It's like, well, I have these contacts,

00:40:36.700 but I don't know what to do with it. Like, what's the next step? It's kind of like when a dog catches,

00:40:41.360 let's say a dog's chasing a chicken in the backyard and loves just chasing the chicken around. And then

00:40:46.900 one day it catches the chicken and it's like, Oh, I don't, I didn't, I don't know what to do with

00:40:52.540 this. Yeah. So I mean, that's what I would ask. Yeah. I would get excited about whatever it is that

00:40:58.840 you're doing. So if it's like what you said, Ryan, you're like, Hey, I'm, I'm getting network of

00:41:04.360 trades together. Well, why I see this amazing opportunity in the state of Utah where in the

00:41:11.700 trades we can band together and level up by which we build homes and, and disrupt the industry with

00:41:20.240 on time on budget quality service. I'm looking to get connected with top tier trades, bringing them

00:41:27.620 together so we can network and help each other perform and get more business. I don't know,

00:41:33.120 something like that. I mean, most people hearing that and it's like no cost to me. I just show up.

00:41:39.120 Yeah. I mean, what am I out? Absolutely. Let's go. Right. Yeah. I, and I even think you could create

00:41:46.280 some exclusivity around this where you could say, Hey, we, we allow three subcontractors per trade.

00:41:53.040 So there's only three roofers in this chapter. There's only three tile guys. There's only three

00:41:57.560 electricians. There's only three, this, there's only three that. And through our selection process,

00:42:02.440 we're bringing the best on and there's requirements that you have to meet. And if you don't meet those,

00:42:07.320 your, your seat has opened up to a new electrician. So you create some of that exclusivity around it,

00:42:12.580 man. I think that could be huge as well. The other thing too, is you have to make sure I saw this a

00:42:16.560 lot when I was doing financial planning. I'm glad he brought this question up and I'm, we're riffing on

00:42:20.420 it because when I was doing financial planning, part of my marketing strategy was to go work with CPAs

00:42:25.540 and attorneys and other financial professionals, home and auto insurance. That's how I met Matt

00:42:29.840 Jenkins, home and auto insurance, where they were doing business with my prospects, right? The clients

00:42:37.380 that I wanted to visit with, but they didn't offer life insurance or disability insurance or investments

00:42:42.960 or annuities or retirement accounts. And so I would go meet with attorneys every week. I'd meet with new

00:42:48.760 attorneys, estate planning attorneys. Um, I'd meet with CPAs. I'd meet with home and auto insurance guys.

00:42:54.420 And I would build relationships with these guys with the anticipation that they would refer business

00:43:00.100 to me as they got comfortable with, with me and my services. But also the opposite is also true.

00:43:06.860 I saw a lot of guys just take advantage of that, but never reciprocate. It's like,

00:43:10.680 if I have a CPA and I'm sending business to a CPA, cause I don't do that with my clients

00:43:15.420 and that CPA never refers business to me, that guy's out. Yeah. You're, you're out like cool,

00:43:22.140 cool situation for you, but like any good relationship, this has to be reciprocal.

00:43:27.860 So you better make sure if you're bringing these con don't bring everybody in because all of a

00:43:32.840 sudden, if you want them to give you work, you should be giving them work too. And you might

00:43:36.780 have to spread the love a little bit, but you got to reciprocate. So make sure you're doing that or

00:43:40.920 make connections. And there's a great organization called BNI. If you want to look at a good model for

00:43:46.800 how this might work specifically in the trades, BNI would be a business network. International

00:43:51.300 would be a great resource for you. Yeah. And if there's not one, make one, call it something else,

00:43:57.320 BMI, whatever, you know, and set it up. All right. So this one comes from Dustin Hale. He says,

00:44:07.380 Ryan, I'm 41. I'm a bit overweight. My marriage has been struggling. And I know that my drinking is

00:44:12.920 getting out of hand. Um, I spent a lot of time doom scrolling. I, I haven't been real productive

00:44:18.980 and I keep telling me my, excuse me, I keep telling myself that I'll start Monday. That's

00:44:24.700 what he said, quote unquote, start Monday, but that never happens. So at what point do I need

00:44:31.080 to stop blaming my circumstances, admit there's a problem. And then how do I go about finally getting

00:44:38.340 started? It's a good, that's a good question. Um, you want to start on that one, Kip? You got some

00:44:44.940 ideas? Yeah. Um, and this is a little bit in that, well, there's two things that come to mind. First,

00:44:52.280 I heard this study a couple months ago that this idea of motivation preceding action is not true.

00:45:02.280 It's not true. Motivation shows up once you show up at the gym and you start taking action.

00:45:08.340 It shows up when you stop drinking. That's when you get the reward, right? Of dopamine,

00:45:13.580 of excitement, not before. So let go of that idea that like, Oh, I just, I don't feel like it. Well,

00:45:20.060 guess what? You never are until you start taking action. And then the second thing that comes to

00:45:24.680 mind is there's no tomorrow. Show me tomorrow. Where's it at? Point at it. Oh God. It's a word

00:45:32.320 that represents something that does not exist. You don't have tomorrow you have right now. That's

00:45:41.060 all you have. So what are you going to do right now? Stop worrying about like someday and when

00:45:46.820 things align, no, no, just win today. You know, I can't help. Um, is it market? Um, who wrote the

00:45:52.800 book? We read it in iron council years ago, one on the day or one day. Yeah. Marcus, um, Aubrey,

00:45:59.220 Marcus, Aubrey, Marcus, right. It's like, just win today. Stop, like, let go of all this other

00:46:05.020 weight and all this stuff. Just win today. And before you know it, you're going to start stacking

00:46:09.640 those. Um, and you're, and you're going to start seeing success, but, but stop, stop letting,

00:46:15.780 let go of the someday mentality. You know, it's like tomorrow or the eighth day of the week. No,

00:46:21.380 you don't have that. That's not guaranteed for you. It's not guaranteed for anybody in your life.

00:46:25.860 And then, um, sorry, I'm riffing a little too much. And then the last thing, just get present

00:46:30.240 on the impact. The way I see this is most of us make major changes in our lives because the world

00:46:37.100 forces us to change, right? Like a death of a loved one, you get divorced, you know, something

00:46:44.880 critical happens to you that causes you to make adjustments. Don't wait for that. And the way

00:46:52.920 that you take action now is by getting present to the cost. What's the cost right now? What's the

00:47:00.440 cost of you not going to the gym? What's the cost of you not eating? Well, what's the cost right now?

00:47:08.380 And trust me, the cost and the impact is far greater than you realize. And if you're a parent,

00:47:14.400 you don't have to go far to get motivated, right? Just think, man, are my eating habits,

00:47:20.000 modeling the behavior for my children. If my kids are overweight, how much is that? Because

00:47:27.640 I am overweight and I've created that reality for them. And what's the chances of little Timmy being

00:47:35.540 bullied at school for being fat? Is that his fault or mine? That's my fault. You did that.

00:47:43.840 So you created that for him. Like, man, get present to the impact that you're leaving on the world.

00:47:52.560 Yeah, I agree. You know, on a tactical level, I would just say also just start small, right? Like

00:47:59.280 just start small. You know, when you're talking about, let me pull up the question again.

00:48:04.920 It's almost like all this stuff he has to do. It's like this weight. Yeah.

00:48:09.280 And then also just have rules in place, right? So for example, he says, he talks about doom

00:48:15.060 scrolling on his phone. Okay, we'll have a rule. And your rule is I get 30 minutes. That's it.

00:48:21.900 It's a self-imposed rule. Like I can look up, there's nothing wrong with looking at your phone,

00:48:26.300 catching up with people, seeing what people are up to. But after about 30 minutes, it becomes

00:48:30.840 significantly less productive. So it's like the law of diminishing return. The longer you're on there,

00:48:35.980 the worse it is for you. So maybe you have that rule. Drinking, you know, instead of drinking

00:48:42.440 every night, maybe you say, hey, I'm allowed a drink on Wednesday to kind of calm down or whatever.

00:48:46.900 And on the weekend, or I'm allowed one drink or what, like whatever your thing is. I don't know

00:48:50.600 what it is for you. Or I have to go for a walk for two miles before I can drink. That's the rule.

00:48:55.920 Yeah. Yeah. And it's just a self-imposed rule and it doesn't matter how you feel about it. You just

00:49:01.280 made a commitment to that rule. And yeah, I think if you put those rules in place, you'll,

00:49:06.780 you'll find it. It's, it's a lot. It's not very hard to start moving in the right direction if you

00:49:12.980 have those rules. Yeah. And then you get your family enlisted in that. Like your wife's going

00:49:17.360 to be excited that you have these rules in place and you're following them. Your kids are going to

00:49:21.200 see a big difference in you. So, yeah. Yeah. All right. So speaking of wife, here's another great

00:49:27.700 question. This one, this one could go really well or really poorly. Tyson green says, if a man is the

00:49:35.060 primary provider, is it unreasonable for him to expect a certain level of respect and cooperation

00:49:41.420 from his wife? What do you think? Or do you want me to go first on this one? You're like, you go for

00:49:48.600 no, I, I feel it. Is it reasonable to expect? Sure. You can expect, but I mean, that's also very

00:49:59.560 dangerous place to operate, right? You can ask, you could say, Hey, this would be really nice.

00:50:07.600 I would appreciate this. This is what it means to me. And you can request, but be very careful in this

00:50:14.420 space of like, well, you know, I expect, or it should be this way. It's like, well,

00:50:19.720 deal in reality, right? You're obviously not getting it. So you can ask, and maybe you should

00:50:25.840 ask what else you should do or do you need to do to get a level of respect? And then you do that.

00:50:34.160 Yeah. I mean, I, when I saw this question, I actually, so it says, is it unreasonable for him

00:50:39.640 to expect a certain level of respect? And no, I don't think that's unreasonable. The first part of the

00:50:44.120 question is if he's the primary provider, I don't even think you need that premise. I think it's

00:50:49.280 completely reasonable that your wife respect and cooperate with you. Why would she be your wife

00:50:54.120 if that wasn't the case? And by the way, that goes true the other way, just because she's not the

00:50:59.440 primary provider doesn't mean that you don't have to show her respect or cooperation. So the premise

00:51:05.880 is a little wonky, I would say, but I agree with you. It's not unreasonable, but you know what is

00:51:11.360 unreasonable to expect something without communicating it to her? Well said. That's

00:51:15.740 unreasonable. So you should go talk with her and say, Hey babe. And it's not because you're the

00:51:22.180 primary provider. It's because you're her husband. That's the answer. Not because of the money that you

00:51:30.320 make, because what happens if you get fired or laid off? She doesn't have to respect you anymore.

00:51:36.360 Yeah. Yeah. So you're her husband. Yes. She, I don't want to say is required. She's not required

00:51:46.320 to, but when you guys entered that agreement, it was not only unspoken, but it was documented that

00:51:53.920 you guys would both cooperate and respect each other. The vows you took state that pretty clearly.

00:52:00.160 Yeah. So what I would suggest is if you're not getting the level of respect that you deserve,

00:52:04.700 and this goes to back to what you were saying, Kip is, you know, sit down with her, talk with her,

00:52:08.680 say, Hey babe, you know, I'm feeling, feeling disconnected lately. I'm feeling a little bit

00:52:12.260 disrespected. Um, and this is how it's showing up. And this is how I feel when it happens. And

00:52:17.980 here's what I'd like to do for both of us to be more respectful with the words that we use to each

00:52:22.800 other. Um, with the way that we parent to go back to a question that we had earlier, Hey, you know,

00:52:28.060 like, I don't feel like you respect when I discipline the children. Well, what's up with that? Can we talk

00:52:32.620 about that? Can we figure that out and get on the same page? These kinds of conversations need to

00:52:36.760 take place frequently, very soon, as soon as they, as soon as they come up. Um, and, and I think a lot

00:52:44.520 of that respect stuff starts to work itself out when you start talking about it. Yeah. You know,

00:52:48.680 one way I like to look at this is, do you think that she wants to be with someone that she wants to

00:52:54.100 respect? Yeah, of course. Of course. Absolutely. She wants to want, she wants to want to respect you.

00:53:01.440 Just like you want to be with someone that you express love and appreciation to.

00:53:07.880 So you both want the same thing. The question is, is why aren't you doing it? Where's the gap?

00:53:15.940 Where's the misunderstanding? What's the issue? And let's address it. But mark my word,

00:53:21.640 most women want to be with a man that they respect. Absolutely. So it's, it's your job to figure out why.

00:53:28.400 Yeah, for sure. Cool. Here's another one. Um,

00:53:34.400 along again, along the lines of what we have a lot of questions about wives on this one. So here's one

00:53:39.180 from Aaron Bishop. He says, what's the hardest truth men don't want to hear about why their wives lose

00:53:44.640 attraction to them. And I think this kind of ties into the last one, but I know the answer. I, I

00:53:51.340 unequivocally know the answer. Yeah. What do you think? And I think, I think every woman would agree

00:53:57.540 with this at least, at least in the top three reasons, probably the top one, they no longer feel

00:54:06.480 safe. AKA don't respect you. That it could manifest in a lot of different ways. So like you're adding

00:54:15.000 stress to their life or whatever. Yeah. That's part of it. If, if your employment situation is,

00:54:23.780 you know, sketchy at best, that's not safe. She can't build a house on that because she's like,

00:54:31.020 I don't know when money's coming in, when it's not coming in. I'm, I'm scared. I'm confused. I'm

00:54:34.560 worried. Or if she thinks you're cheating on her, that's not safe. Right. Or if you're volatile,

00:54:40.780 you come home late at night, you, you know, and, and she doesn't know if she's getting the good

00:54:46.620 version or the bad version, then she shuts down and she's like, I don't want, I don't know which

00:54:52.140 version I'm getting. I don't want to do this at all. And so she backs up completely. So when a woman,

00:54:55.680 when a woman feels unsafe, that's when she loses attraction for you. And I think it has less to do

00:55:01.680 with, Oh, you know, you put on a little weight. I see a lot of guys who are overweight and they're with

00:55:06.020 very attractive women. So I'm like, well, what's going on with that? It's, it's the,

00:55:10.580 to me, based on what I've heard and what I've seen in the conversation I've had,

00:55:14.520 the research I've done, it has to do with their level of safety and volatility is the destroyer

00:55:20.640 of attraction, financial volatility, emotional volatility, physical volatility. Anytime it's

00:55:26.960 volatile, it just eats away at that attraction more than anything else. Would you agree with that?

00:55:32.400 Or do you think there's other factors at play here? I wasn't going there, but the minute you said it

00:55:36.760 and as you explained it, I totally agree. And, and I think it's a snowball too, right? Because like,

00:55:42.960 not only does attraction go down, but in those instances, she's stepping a little more into her

00:55:50.140 masculine because of the uncertainty. And then she's more combative with you, which causes you to feel

00:56:00.220 like, she doesn't respect you even more so. And it just gets more difficult.

00:56:07.940 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's as simple as that. So, you know what I would do for,

00:56:15.360 this was from Aaron. What I would tell Aaron to do is I would say, I would go sit down with my wife

00:56:22.620 and I would say, Hey baby, I really want to talk about the relationship. And I want, and don't just

00:56:26.460 say that. Cause then she's going to jump, that's volatile. She's going to jump to worst case say,

00:56:30.440 Hey, I really want to talk about the relationship, but specifically how, like what the ways that I

00:56:36.160 can show up to, um, make you feel better about the relationship, how we grow, how we get better,

00:56:41.820 how we improve and think, talk about it in a forward leaning perspective, because then she'll

00:56:46.060 be more optimistic versus pessimistic. Yeah. And so you sit down with her and say, you know,

00:56:50.260 I just, I have one question I want to start with in what ways am I showing up where I'm volatile?

00:56:57.540 Meaning you don't know what you're getting and it creates doubt, confusion, and uncertainty from

00:57:02.140 you. And she might be like, what do you mean? If you never had this conversation, she might be like,

00:57:06.680 what do you mean? Well, you might say, well, you know, is it finances where you never know what the

00:57:11.080 finances are and that worries you and scares you? Is it, um, when I get frustrated and maybe I get a

00:57:17.040 little, a little short or angry, does that, does that scare you? Or does that have you concerned?

00:57:21.360 And you just prompt a little bit and then let her talk, let her go and write it all down and say,

00:57:27.200 okay, I'm volatile with this. I'm volatile with this. I'm volatile with this. And just figure out ways

00:57:31.900 to be more emotionally stable because that's going to go such a huge way. Don't explain anything

00:57:37.280 either. Right. So if she goes, well, it's when you get upset, don't go, well, yeah, but I get upset

00:57:41.940 because of like, don't do any of that. Right. Just like, listen, write it down and then figure

00:57:46.980 out and process it later, you know, in regards to what changes you need to make. Yeah. You know,

00:57:52.200 what's interesting is I, as I've dated over the past three years, one interesting thing has come

00:57:57.300 up over and over again. And it might be something simple. Like I said, I would do something, maybe,

00:58:03.740 maybe book a trip or pick something up or, you know, whatever, like do something and that I agreed

00:58:11.460 to do or said that I would do. And then I follow through on it. And the woman that I happened to

00:58:18.300 be dating at the time would say, oh, wait, you did that thing. I'm like, well, yeah, I said I would do

00:58:23.400 it. And, and then you should see the look on her face. It's like, oh, well, I mean, okay. And she's

00:58:35.200 ecstatic because what does that tell you? That tells you she's been around men who don't do that

00:58:41.580 and it's not common. Yeah. That is the quickest way to build attraction with your wife or with

00:58:48.560 somebody you're dating is just to do what you say you're going to do. And it's not that the bar is

00:58:54.600 so low guys. So low, but also the, the, the, the opposite is true. If that builds attraction,

00:59:03.040 not following through on what you say you're going to do kills attraction. Again, that's the

00:59:08.220 volatility. She doesn't know if you're reliable, that's not safe. Yeah. It's a form of trust.

00:59:13.060 Really? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Let me ask you, let me ask you this question really quick. Cause this,

00:59:19.660 you know, we're talking about motivation earlier. I wanted to get your thoughts on, you know,

00:59:23.920 I'm a huge fan of, uh, Gary, John Bishop and he, he made this post the other day and I just, I'm like,

00:59:30.720 man, I, I love this, but you know, I want to get your thoughts. He said, motivation is what we seek

00:59:37.220 when we're already cashed in the integrity. Motivation is what we seek when we've already

00:59:47.320 cashed in the integrity. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's true. It's like, did you say you were going to do it?

00:59:52.940 And that's the only reason you do it. Yeah. And then when I'm like, well, I don't feel motivated.

00:59:57.560 It's because I've already, it's not about doing what I said I would do. It's not about honoring my

01:00:02.980 commitment. It's not about integrity. Now it's about if I feel like it. Yeah. I think that's a,

01:00:09.700 no, that is really good. I think that motivate, I don't have anything wrong with motivation.

01:00:13.580 I like, it's not like this bad thing. Yeah. Right. I like watching movies that motivate me

01:00:19.280 to behave better. I like listening to music that inspires me or pumps me up. I like being around

01:00:24.060 people who are positive and energetic because it makes me want to be those things. Yeah. So there's

01:00:29.820 nothing wrong with that, but it's an inferior mode of, I don't want to say motivation, but it's an

01:00:39.140 inferior mode of what's the word. I can't even think of the word drive drive. Yeah. Yeah. That's

01:00:46.160 fair. Yeah. A better one is because I said I would. Yeah. Almost to the point where if somebody's like,

01:00:53.860 oh, you did that thing. You're like, you're confused because you're like, yeah, what do you

01:00:58.000 mean? What, what's confusing about that? And you should be confused. If somebody's surprised that

01:01:03.120 you did something because you're the kind of man who's like, yeah, I don't, I don't know what the

01:01:07.260 big deal is. Like I said, I would do it and therefore I did it, you know, or if you don't

01:01:11.640 do it and you forget, that's okay. It happens. Make up for it. Fix it quickly. Yeah. You know,

01:01:16.740 I've always thought this was interesting because, you know, it's like motivation. The pendulum is

01:01:21.340 motivation, discipline. And even in the example that you gave, right? It's like, well, if I don't have

01:01:27.740 motivation, then sometimes it's just, you know, doing it because I said I would, which I think is

01:01:32.740 really just a move of the reasoning to something else, right? It's like the motivation is now the

01:01:39.040 motivation to be a man of integrity. The focus is just different, right? It's like, oh, I I'm doing

01:01:45.460 this because I, it's excites me. No, no, no. I'm doing this because what it means about me. And

01:01:50.360 because I've gotten present to what it means about me now I'm, I'm driven to action. So it's just a

01:01:59.960 pivot of focus more than it is motivation or not motivation. I don't know. It just my version of

01:02:06.600 it. I was thinking about this, I don't know, a couple of months ago, but I think it's all kind

01:02:11.660 of forms of motivation. It's just, where is it coming from? Well, and I would say, I think you're

01:02:17.040 right. I would say it's internal versus external motivation. So external motivation is fleeting.

01:02:22.980 Like you would probably, probably nobody would ever say this, but they probably operate this

01:02:28.700 way is, well, I'm doing it to get something from somebody else. Right. Like my motivation,

01:02:33.760 the reason I'm doing this thing for my wife is that, so I can get laid tonight.

01:02:37.620 Yeah. Or I'll do this because if I don't, Ryan might call me out. So you're right. I don't want,

01:02:43.500 I don't want to not do it. Yeah. And the thing is you can't control all of that. Right. So like

01:02:48.960 even, even getting laid, like doing something for somebody, you know, your wife, because you're

01:02:53.060 going to get lucky tonight, she may not be in the mood or she may be on her period or she may just

01:02:56.620 be pissed or like whatever. Yeah. And so all of a sudden it, you, you synced your effort with some

01:03:03.960 external motivation that will never come. And then what the danger in that is that we stop doing the

01:03:11.720 things that we should be doing because we don't always get the outcome we desire. But ironically,

01:03:18.080 if you just follow through on your commitments, then you're going to get more of what you want,

01:03:25.180 even though that's not your primary motivating factor for doing it. So if you just show up

01:03:31.240 powerfully not to get laid, but just show up powerfully in your relationship, because that's

01:03:34.680 the kind of man you want to be. That's what a, that's what a good man does. That's what a husband

01:03:38.740 does. You will get laid more often than the guy who's doing whatever he's doing just to get laid.

01:03:43.440 Yeah. It's, it's wild, but it's true. Totally. Do it for the right reason. The re the reason you're

01:03:50.500 doing it is just as important as what you're actually doing. Yeah. Yeah. Another way that

01:03:57.840 you can get laid more is joining us in the iron council guaranteed. Stop, stop. Hold on.

01:04:05.760 Stop. I'm going to just stop you right there. We're not going to do that. We're going to,

01:04:10.160 you're going to, you're going to change the way that you're saying that because it makes it sound

01:04:14.880 like if you join order, so maybe you could change the phrasing or something that sounds like you're

01:04:25.880 not going to get laid in the iron council. It's an exclusive men's program, but it will help you get

01:04:31.240 more outside of iron council. Yes. Yes. I just want to clarify. Yeah. Oh man. Well,

01:04:39.860 we got that preview call. How's that? We got the preview call tonight. So if you guys are listening

01:04:44.420 to this, join the preview call. Um, right. I forgot. So it's order of man.com or no,

01:04:49.840 it's iron council.com slash preview, the iron council.com slash slash preview, the iron council.com

01:04:57.620 slash preview. And that's open to anybody. So you write down that URL, hop on, join the zoom call,

01:05:04.740 learn more about the iron council, what it's all about. That's right. And we'll, we'll address those.

01:05:10.420 Okay. That's right. So guys, we'd love to see you on that call again, the iron council.com slash

01:05:15.260 preview tonight at 8 PM Eastern, pulling back the curtain, letting you meet some of the guys,

01:05:19.600 letting you know a little bit about what we do inside the iron council. And I would love to see

01:05:23.060 you there. Um, I think that's it. We'll be back on Friday for our Friday field notes until then guys

01:05:28.280 go out there, take action. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take

01:05:35.380 charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order

01:05:40.020 at order of man.com.

Order of Man - March 18, 2026

Stop Being Lazy, Beat Procrastination, and Eliminate Volatility ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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