Order of Man - Stop Being Selfish, Build Better Patterns, and Lead Women Well ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 The script's already there.

00:00:02.740 All you have to do is read it.

00:00:06.000 God wants you to lead your family.

00:00:08.980 He wants you to get out of debt.

00:00:10.880 I promise you, He wants you out of debt.

00:00:14.540 He wants you to build financial abundance and prosperity

00:00:18.080 so that you can build His kingdom.

00:00:20.500 He wants you to lose 50 pounds.

00:00:24.640 He wants that.

00:00:25.840 but what he has given us is agency.

00:00:35.040 Kip, what's up, man?

00:00:35.980 So great to see you this Monday morning.

00:00:37.360 I appreciate your patience with me and your flexibility.

00:00:43.480 It's one of those.

00:00:45.320 I've been fighting with people on social media

00:00:47.100 and worried about my sons, my two oldest boys,

00:00:49.760 lacrosse banquet and all the other things

00:00:52.120 about being a dad and being an entrepreneur. I was going to say asshole, but just being an 0.99

00:00:58.040 entrepreneur, I don't know. Which sometimes that's the same, uh, means the same thing. Yeah. 0.99

00:01:05.140 Oh man. It's, uh, I know I can be, that's one of the things that I really need to work on,

00:01:10.080 but I don't know. Sometimes I kind of enjoy just being a dick. Maybe that's me just getting older 0.99

00:01:16.040 and i'm like you know i have zero tolerance for bs anymore like uh the one thing that i was laughing

00:01:23.200 about today is i was in a mood the other night and i saw something that dave what's his name

00:01:28.600 dave asprey the the coffee guy the biohacker coffee guy i don't know who this is oh yeah so

00:01:36.320 he's he's a he's a biohacker biohacking is dead i just i want to put that out there biohacking 0.88

00:01:41.900 stupid it's he's just trying all kinds of stuff right yeah it's it was like it's like so 10 years 0.87

00:01:48.700 ago it's just it's not a thing anymore and he made a post um what was the post it was like 1.00

00:01:55.640 i'm the one who introduced millions of people to putting grass-fed butter in your coffee to lose

00:02:03.200 weight i'm like just shut up like really and i and i made a comment and i said this is the kind 0.99

00:02:10.460 of silly shit that men need to stop buying into like the reason that people lose weight when they 0.99

00:02:17.560 put butter in their an m m k t or mtk oil or something in their coffee yeah is because those 1.00

00:02:25.200 people are more likely to be health conscious so they're making more they're making more informed 1.00

00:02:34.380 health decisions it has no it has nothing to do with putting butter in your coffee stupid 0.99

00:02:41.160 it has everything to do with correlation though it's the same thing that dentists do when they're 0.98

00:02:47.560 like you know if if you have gingivitis you're 10 times more likely to have a heart attack

00:02:53.840 right dummy because people who care about their oral health also are more likely to care about

00:03:00.860 their physical health it doesn't have anything to do with the plaque building up in your heart

00:03:06.000 or whatever you try to say and so i had this guy post something this morning and he's like well

00:03:11.960 actually if if you put butter in your in your coffee then you can lose weight and get energy 0.92

00:03:18.680 when you're fasting i'm like no shit sherlock caffeine and animal fat gives you energy what a 1.00

00:03:25.420 shocker god these guys like i biohackers are the dumbest smart people i know they're really 1.00

00:03:32.440 intelligent but they're really dumb too and so anyways i got worked up on that i'll get off the 0.99

00:03:38.880 soapbox a little bit but gosh can we stop with the nonsense well it's it's it's a testament of 0.99

00:03:45.880 whatever it is that you're focusing on you will find evidence of it well yeah right it's like you

00:03:54.200 choose choose the questions choose the lens by which you see the world and it's truth for you

00:03:59.180 yeah you'll find all kinds of evidence to prove your point so except for me i don't do that 0.99

00:04:04.420 no no no me either just everyone else you idiots yeah it's funny because you know when we post 0.99

00:04:14.120 stuff in in our facebook group or just somewhere on social media people like oh the problem with 0.99

00:04:18.720 masculinity isn't that big a deal i'm like what are you talking about like it's a huge deal

00:04:23.920 and then I go out in the real world and nobody's worried about it. So it's a testament to what

00:04:28.940 you're saying. Yeah, totally. Well, and it's, and it's interesting, right? And it's, it, you say

00:04:34.560 this all the time, right? The quality of life is based upon the questions. Well, the question is

00:04:39.000 what, what you're curious about. The question is what you're curious, what you're focused on.

00:04:46.200 So awesome. Focus on good things, question good things, be curious about good things. Why? Because

00:04:51.460 that's what you'll focus and you'll find testament and you'll find information around it right it's

00:04:55.780 it's human nature yeah good stuff all right man well we got some good questions you ready to dive

00:05:03.680 into them i'm ready man let's do it we'll see we'll see how hot-headed you are and opinionated

00:05:08.880 i'm good i don't know some i've actually had messages from people that they're like we like 0.98

00:05:14.040 angry ryan and other people are like you're a dick okay well yeah i'm just gonna do i get the 0.92

00:05:19.620 same thing, right? Like, well, a couple, a couple of weeks ago, right. Jay and I had that episode 0.99

00:05:24.760 and, and I mentioned, I met, I, I mentioned this to you via text. I was like, Hey, I may have came

00:05:30.980 across a little too harsh on that episode. And I might need to apologize to someone because

00:05:35.300 I felt I was too fiery. And then what do you know? I get a tons of messages, dude, you rocked it.

00:05:42.520 And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. And I was like, well, I thought I was being an asshole, but I don't know.

00:05:48.160 you know there's a there's an interesting lesson in there especially with regards to social media 0.96

00:05:53.200 just life in general the world doesn't revolve around you like yeah if if i post something on

00:06:01.080 social media and you're like well actually i am like who said i was talking to you yeah and and

00:06:07.760 even if you didn't find any value do you think that maybe somebody else might appreciate this

00:06:12.640 perspective i'll give you an example so over the weekend so i sit on the i sit on the board for the

00:06:17.600 hurricane valley lacrosse league i live here in southern utah i really want the program to do

00:06:21.940 well it's not just the high school boys team but it's it's the lacrosse league yeah so from the

00:06:28.900 time these kids are i think we go down to third grade now so third through eighth is the league

00:06:35.340 and then freshman through seniors is the high school and i sit on the board and we've got our

00:06:41.120 banquet this evening as of this recording and my responsibility is to raise funds for the program

00:06:47.020 so i sent a message to the board on saturday and i said hey like i have a good idea like i think we

00:06:55.840 should do a silent auction i think if everybody here got three or four or five sponsors in town

00:07:01.340 to give us you know like dairy queen freezes and there's a local place called massage that would

00:07:07.300 give us yeah and there's like a natural hot springs like hey give us a couple passes swig

00:07:12.320 that kind of stuff like it would be cool we could do a silent auction and i said order a man can

00:07:16.880 donate $500 of merchandise so we'll get us started the coach came in and he's like hey I've got two

00:07:23.000 e-bikes still in their boxes we'll donate that for silent auction like all right I'm ready sign me up

00:07:28.700 yeah yeah it's tonight so or yeah tonight so you can be you can drive down real quick Kip and we'd

00:07:34.860 love to have you yeah but I said what do you guys think and the board unanimously voted other than

00:07:44.060 me and maybe coach no we don't want to do that we just want to make that about the boys tonight

00:07:48.680 and i was pissed like like that it's my job to raise money for the program and i told them i

00:07:59.200 said look i know it's about the boys we can do this tactfully i think most people who's the

00:08:04.640 money for the boys too right yeah i'm like i think most people understand i don't think this is out

00:08:09.840 of the realm of possibility to do a banquet and a silent auction i think it's kind of fun

00:08:13.620 and the board was like nope we don't have enough time we don't have enough uh sponsors it should

00:08:20.800 just be about the boys and i was really bothered and then i just over the course of a day i just

00:08:27.780 thought to myself the world doesn't revolve around me it doesn't revolve it doesn't revolve

00:08:33.260 around what i want and so later that afternoon they had messaged me about some logistics with

00:08:40.480 the with the space and they're like hey ryan what about this and this and this and in my

00:08:44.680 my immature temper tantrum attitude i was like i'm not sharing anything yeah they're gonna

00:08:54.020 like do with it on your own yeah and then i was like just don't do that this is not about you

00:09:01.340 all right they're wrong you're right sure but also the world doesn't revolve around you

00:09:07.300 and we can make accommodations and we can make concessions and we can relax a little bit and i

00:09:12.500 can find other ways to make money for the program i can do a silent auction in a couple of months

00:09:16.600 like it's fine but it really is hard for men myself included to just get over ourselves for

00:09:24.620 a minute and realize that you know other people actually have opinions not all opinions are the

00:09:30.300 same i'm not going to say that they're not all of equal worth but it's okay it's really okay

00:09:36.360 it's all gonna be okay dude i've been nerding out on some stuff by earl nightingale lately yeah

00:09:44.540 yeah and um man he said something in a in a recording that i was listening to yesterday he

00:09:50.980 says everybody believes that they're the most important person yeah self-preservation right

00:09:59.820 Yeah. And, and we really do, we may not want to admit it, but, and it's like, so remember that,

00:10:07.960 right. When you interact with people that, what are they focused on? You know, how this relates

00:10:12.940 to them and you know what I mean? It's very personal and it's not, and I don't see it as

00:10:17.300 like this big negative thing. Just understand like this human condition, right. That, that we're

00:10:22.180 very self-centered and self-focused all the time. Uh, and, and if we are in a position of

00:10:29.100 authority and leadership, we can use that not as a form of manipulation, but a sense of

00:10:33.820 understanding, right. That most people want to be impactful. They want to do great work. They,

00:10:38.800 you know, they're very focused on their outcomes and how they show up in the world. So like help

00:10:42.940 them do that. Great. You know, what do you think the line is though? What do you think the line

00:10:49.280 though kip is between i mean you're right and earl nightingale is right we all believe that

00:10:54.880 we are the most important and even as i said that i'm like yeah well i am like that's all i got to

00:11:00.740 work with anyway yes it's interesting because people will say well who met what what makes

00:11:05.880 your opinion that i'm like bro whose other whose opinion would i be advocating if it wasn't for my

00:11:11.720 own yeah and why would i advocate for someone else's opinion that's really damaging thought

00:11:17.260 process i don't want an opinion i'll i'll i'll fight for everybody else's opinion instead right

00:11:22.400 like totally it's always funny like that's just your opinion yeah i know did you want me to share

00:11:27.980 your opinion like i don't i don't get it but what what is the what is the line between and how does

00:11:37.820 a man figure out where this line is between completely being self-centered at the detriment

00:11:43.680 of the mission or the task or the assignment, but also on the other side of the spectrum,

00:11:50.240 just giving all authority, all, all the, the autonomy, all the control over to people who

00:11:57.920 may not actually align with what your opinion is, what your belief in your value system is.

00:12:02.760 Totally. I wish I could reference this. There's a, there's a psychology framework at the top of

00:12:08.440 that pyramid is purpose before belief, before identity. It's purpose. And what's powerful

00:12:17.400 about that is I can lose or latch my identity and focus of self to a purpose. So if my purpose now

00:12:25.160 becomes serving others, well, that is very much my opinion on how do I serve others effectively

00:12:31.080 and how do I leave a lasting impact? And this is the power, to be frank, of religion. This is the

00:12:37.300 power of having a higher purpose. And so dangerous it is when people don't, because if it's not about

00:12:45.500 other people, it's not about service. It's not about a higher power than what it's about.

00:12:49.680 100% me. Right. And, you know, I think that, uh, leads people to be in a, in a bad position that

00:12:57.840 is very self-centered and self-serving. Right. So I think it comes down to purpose.

00:13:01.760 yeah i i i would agree with that um would you also would you say that's similar to because

00:13:10.260 what came to mind for me as you were saying that i'm like is that synonymous with mission

00:13:13.520 you know i think about what we do here with order of man and iron council

00:13:16.720 like we often talk with the guys and it's it's mission first totally i i would actually let

00:13:24.620 this is going to sound really harsh it's going to sound really harsh but and i want to hear what

00:13:29.060 you have to say about this. I would let a man fall if, if it meant that saving him would abandon

00:13:37.880 the mission. What do you think? I agree. I mean, it sounds harsh, right? Like it's brutal. It

00:13:51.640 sounds harsh. Totally. Well, and, and it goes back to the higher purpose of things, but also

00:14:02.100 there's growth in letting people fail with a higher purpose of something, right? When it's

00:14:08.580 focused on just saving people, you, people don't rise to the occasion either in that circumstance.

00:14:14.260 And so I, more and more, I don't know, figure this out or fill this out and let me know what your thoughts are. But more and more, rarely is doing what's best for the mission and or, and people might be listening to like, well, what mission, right?

00:14:32.780 And so it's like, okay, the mission of your, think of the objective of the company's mission

00:14:37.800 and goals and objectives or the church that you belong to or whatever, rarely is focusing

00:14:44.760 on that and doing what's ideal for the person in conflict with one another.

00:14:50.860 More and more, I realize they actually, yeah, usually they're always in alignment.

00:14:58.160 You don't have to pick and choose in most cases.

00:15:00.840 what's best for the mission is what's best for the individual and what's best for the individual

00:15:05.100 is in line with what's best because the only times where you might think that oh well no this is ideal

00:15:10.660 for this person it's because you're saving them or controlling them in some way but if you really

00:15:16.420 want what's best for the person it's for them to be committed to a mission and for them to figure

00:15:21.000 it out and and that's where you serve serve both scenarios in most cases yeah that makes sense to

00:15:27.920 me i mean i wrote a couple things down here a couple of things that stood out about what you

00:15:31.140 said that i just wanted to maybe give some nuance to as you said letting people fail i actually

00:15:35.120 don't view it that way i'm not letting people fail it's true what i'm actually doing is allowing

00:15:40.480 them the autonomy of their own choices and the beautiful blessing of consequences for their

00:15:44.840 actions yeah and the stress of growth yeah right it's not on me like like what so kip if you're

00:15:52.800 struggling financially let's say like if you were struggling financially and i knew that

00:15:56.560 i would i would help where i could because i love you guys and i want to make sure things are good

00:16:01.640 and you've earned that trust and that right with with me but like there's consequences to our

00:16:09.040 choices right and and i didn't let you fail you made choices that led you to this situation yeah

00:16:17.820 what what does that have to do with me what why am i taking ownership of the choices that you made

00:16:22.960 Now, as a friend and a brother and somebody who cares about you, yeah, if my people are in a bind, I'm going to help to the degree that I can, but I can't rob them of that.

00:16:33.980 And you also said something interesting.

00:16:36.620 You said saving people.

00:16:40.460 I would use that term for guys who are listening.

00:16:44.000 I would use that term with extreme prejudice because unless they're going to die or they're

00:16:53.980 in some sort of imminent danger or their family is, you know, like something severe, you're not

00:17:01.860 actually saving people. You're crippling them. And what you're actually doing is saving yourself

00:17:06.620 from the pain of discomfort for letting people struggle. It has nothing to do with them unless

00:17:12.160 the person's literally drowning i'm not gonna say hey you made a bad choice see you later

00:17:17.980 yeah hope you figure it out i'm gonna jump in and save that person but outside of that

00:17:24.680 let people struggle and suffer a little bit and let them figure out the solutions to their own

00:17:30.240 problems it's okay yeah amen amen all right that's a wrap let's just call it we're done 15

00:17:37.880 minutes good enough knowledge dropped all right we got questions what do we got yeah so Marcus 0.99

00:17:45.460 Webb Ryan you talk a lot about being an asshole I'm just joking Ryan you talk a lot about being 0.99

00:17:51.880 the leader of your household but what do you do when your wife genuinely doesn't want to be led 1.00

00:17:57.900 she's capable independent and honestly doesn't think she needs it how do you lead without

00:18:02.900 turning it into a power struggle and you might as well like transcend that right let's let's

00:18:07.560 include the kids into the mix here right how do we lead when people don't want to be led

00:18:12.600 a lot of a lot of things come to mind

00:18:18.400 one there's a scripture and and maybe you can look it up kip while i'm talking about this but

00:18:26.640 there's a scripture about no man can serve two masters yeah i think it's in romans romans

00:18:33.760 i can't remember but i'll confirm take a look no man can serve two masters there has to be

00:18:41.820 ahead of the household there has to be and it's you like it's you as the man now maybe you've

00:18:51.680 abdicated responsibility maybe you've shirked maybe you've put it on her but at the end of

00:18:57.020 the day it's you because when things really go south people don't look to the woman

00:19:02.680 no nobody said hey i'm in trouble woman save me

00:19:08.240 no no one in the history of mankind has ever said that unless the woman was the only one around

00:19:14.680 what people look to men and so that means that a couple of things and i don't want to i want to be

00:19:23.200 really honest about this so there's a lot i think there's probably some several factors

00:19:27.140 one is and i would have you seriously question this marcus are you worth following that's my

00:19:36.280 first question like are you really worth following or is she more of a man than you are

00:19:41.840 is she decisive is she bold is she courageous

00:19:48.080 is she taking calculated risks is she shouldering the weight of responsibility because if she is

00:19:55.940 yeah i wouldn't follow you either so the first question is are you really worth following and

00:20:06.000 we can do a whole podcast conversation on the depth of that and you know what i went through

00:20:11.560 a divorce three and a half years ago, roughly, because I couldn't answer that question in the

00:20:18.840 affirmative. And that was the result. For a lot of my marriage, I could. And when the marriage

00:20:26.360 fell apart, it was because of that. Women want to follow righteous, capable men. It's in their 0.73

00:20:34.440 nature. It's ingrained into their DNA. And they might still be successful and they might go have

00:20:40.300 careers and they might be tough and bold and strong all of that is true and at the end of the

00:20:46.180 day she will always always revert to following you if you're worth following

00:20:52.080 so that's my first that's my first question or or or thought process on that the problem

00:21:00.600 sometimes is that modern society has indoctrinated women to be masculine and for men to be effeminate

00:21:09.080 i was actually asking dale partridge about this he just i did a podcast with him it released

00:21:13.640 yesterday it's it's gonna be it already is very controversial um

00:21:19.020 and you you have authority in in that relationship you do and i said well what's

00:21:27.560 when you say effeminate you make it sound so negative because i'm trying to be honest about

00:21:31.540 the questions i'm asking him like you make it sound negative feminine femininity isn't negative

00:21:34.960 he said no no no you misunderstand feminine behavior is not negative feminine behavior in

00:21:41.820 men is negative and that's what i call being a feminine it's not that feminine is negative

00:21:48.780 if it's exhibited by women but if it's exhibited by men it is so you really have to ask yourself

00:21:54.360 that and there's a lot of conversations that can take place but at the end of the day it

00:21:58.020 has to do with you showing up you being consistent you taking the reins i mean i can't tell you

00:22:04.920 how many men i talk with who like even try to set up an appointment with a friend today like

00:22:10.460 set try setting something up with a friend today and just say hey dude you want to hang out this

00:22:15.200 weekend and he's gonna say yeah sure like what are you thinking and then most men are like i don't

00:22:22.460 know like what's your plans and then you message back and he's like i don't know like maybe like

00:22:27.020 saturday might work but i don't know i'll have to see and the friend's like well yeah maybe we

00:22:31.300 to do something it's like good god like can somebody just say hey bro i've got a tea time

00:22:37.760 at 9 a.m on saturday would you like to go no i can't make it oh that's cool because on sunday

00:22:44.700 afternoon i've had a bunch of guys over for poker and cigars if that works better for you you can

00:22:50.200 come on sunday that's what men do that's masculine decisiveness and that's in two really unimportant

00:22:57.980 examples but you're also doing that in your work you're asking your wife to lead how many guys are

00:23:03.720 listening to this right now and they're they're probably going to text their wife at some point

00:23:08.960 throughout the day and say hey babe do we have any plans tonight like it's her responsibility

00:23:17.040 to figure out what the family's going to be doing for the week no that's your that's your plan hey

00:23:23.720 babe super mario brothers movie is out and i want to take the kids there's a showing at seven o'clock

00:23:30.600 can you cook steaks for us tonight at 5 30 we'll finish up and then we'll go watch the movie

00:23:34.580 that's what she wants you to do

00:23:36.580 same thing with your employment when you go into your your to to business to to the office whether

00:23:43.980 you're the employer or the boss or the employee show some initiative hey boss here's the five

00:23:51.520 things I'm going to get done today? Is there anything that you need to make sure I weave into

00:23:54.840 my week? Outside of that, I'm just going to get my head down and get to work. This project's coming

00:23:59.400 in. I've got two new clients that we're going to reach out to this week, willing to be flexible,

00:24:04.300 but that's my schedule. How refreshing would that be? And yet most men walk around with this

00:24:11.200 effeminate, like, how can I support you? How can I help you? How can I be supportive? What do you

00:24:17.600 need from me. That's feminine behavior. And it's beautiful in women. It's repulsive in men. 1.00

00:24:22.900 Yeah. I think the key thing when I, when I hear this question by Marcus is

00:24:27.620 the thing that not triggered me, the thing that like kind of raised a red flag for me is how do

00:24:34.560 I lead without turning it into a power struggle? Well, by not making a power struggle. So then

00:24:41.800 you're like, well, how do I lead without power? This is how you lead without power. You lead with

00:24:46.000 influence and with the right mindset.

00:24:49.020 So if our mindset in this place is power, control, authority, everyone listen to me

00:24:55.180 because I'm in this position, or if your leadership is rooted in, how do I get an

00:25:02.480 effective outcome?

00:25:04.040 How do I serve my family?

00:25:05.860 How do I ensure that things are going well?

00:25:08.740 How do I support my wife from an assertive perspective?

00:25:13.040 Then it's not about power.

00:25:14.580 What is it about?

00:25:16.000 It's about effectiveness, right?

00:25:18.860 And so this is why people, in my opinion,

00:25:21.800 have an unhealthy relationship with leadership

00:25:23.520 because I think it's the natural dispensation 1.00

00:25:26.380 of almost all men

00:25:27.560 that as soon as they get a little bit of authority,

00:25:30.360 they will practice unrighteous dominion.

00:25:32.820 And what's unrighteous dominion?

00:25:34.320 In my opinion, unrighteous dominion is

00:25:36.640 you believing that you are more important

00:25:40.620 than those you serve.

00:25:43.160 That's unrighteous dominion.

00:25:45.300 So make it about service.

00:25:46.780 And now it's not about power.

00:25:48.260 It's not about me versus her.

00:25:50.000 It's about you just driving effectiveness

00:25:53.440 and ensuring a particular outcome.

00:25:56.520 And now you're not gonna be inviting the power struggle,

00:25:58.940 but mark my word,

00:25:59.900 you can grab all the tactics you want about leading people,

00:26:02.880 but if it's rooted in the wrong attitude and mindset,

00:26:05.860 it's gonna be repulsive

00:26:07.100 and it's gonna be seen as unrighteous dominion

00:26:10.060 on those that you're leading.

00:26:12.260 Yeah, I would agree.

00:26:13.100 i mean even the word power has a negative connotation yeah it shouldn't but it does

00:26:19.780 because people use how it's exercised so there's three words so when i wrote masculinity manifesto

00:26:26.360 it was influence credibility and authority that's what you should be striving for

00:26:30.220 influence with people credibility belief in you and authority is the title to back it up right

00:26:36.620 because sometimes we do need authority like i'm an authority as a father to my children

00:26:40.340 i'm an authority as the the founder and owner of this business like we do need those things but we

00:26:46.560 need the other thing to back it up and here's the here's the reality i want guys to hear this very

00:26:51.860 clearly women love love they're they're begging for it they're hoping for it they stay at night

00:27:02.020 praying for it to give authority to a righteous man they want to do that they're like guys do

00:27:12.740 you realize that they want to believe you they want to believe in you they want to follow you

00:27:20.140 they just want you to step up but if you're not going to do it then they have to and that's where

00:27:25.680 you feel emasculated because you did it to yourself not because they did it to you but i

00:27:30.460 I have not met a woman, even the strongest, most ardent, blue-haired liberals who, when a man shows up and exercises righteous authority, she doesn't step in line.

00:27:48.120 It's in our nature.

00:27:49.440 yeah um ryan what's some good resources in this space that you would recommend around

00:27:56.080 understanding the the difference between kind of around this subject as well as like the

00:28:01.520 differences between the natural tendencies of um feminine and the masculine and vice versa

00:28:07.620 yeah i mean so i mean obviously shameless plug masculinity manifesto how to gain credibility

00:28:13.440 influence and authority so that's one uh the way of the superior man by david data is another good

00:28:19.640 one yeah um the masculine in relationship by gs youngblood is another really good book um

00:28:27.380 anything out there that has to do with men taking ownership and responsibility of their lives this

00:28:35.300 is why i hate the red pill movement and the meg tau and the incel stuff because they're whiny 1.00

00:28:40.300 little bitches complaining about why everything around them is doing things to them now the hard 0.99

00:28:48.500 part is is there is some truth to it so the diagnosis resonates is not way off the diagnosis 1.00

00:28:55.720 is not totally out of the realm of possibility the prescription is jacked up the prescription

00:29:04.780 says withdraw with treat reject isolate that's not the prescription the prescription is take

00:29:14.220 responsibility get stronger be smart be bold be courageous be righteous be a man so the diagnosis

00:29:21.860 i don't think is all that off that's why uh andrew tate and the like resonate so much because guys

00:29:27.640 are like yeah i mean even he even says things i'm like yeah yeah that's true oh and also i'm not

00:29:34.500 going to go just sleep around and have a bunch of babies with random women we housed yeah what's

00:29:40.420 that compute it doesn't so diagnosis spot on prescription way off yeah all right joel stratton

00:29:51.080 i've listened to nearly every episode and i still can't figure out why i keep falling back into the

00:29:56.220 same patterns i know what i should do i just don't do it at what point is that a discipline problem

00:30:03.740 versus something deeper going on well it's it's definitely deeper yeah you know and this this is

00:30:11.940 the whole thing of like kip were you on the call i can't remember what call it was oh no it was it

00:30:18.600 was on my battle team and i had connor beaten on with man talks on our battle team last week cool

00:30:24.740 and i won't say any names but we had one of our team members who is he's a hard charger very

00:30:32.520 successful in business really does well in his family very productive gets a lot done and he's

00:30:39.420 like you know i feel like my whole identity is tied up in my productivity which is what a lot

00:30:44.680 of guys feel and i think there's merit to that we should be productive but it becomes a point in time

00:30:49.480 where there's it's a detriment to us and the people we care about and i feel like he he feels

00:30:55.160 like he's there a little bit and connor said well you just need to get good at doing nothing

00:31:00.720 and you need to practice it you need to get reps you just need to practice doing nothing

00:31:06.080 and i was kind of joking but also half serious because i was taking notes as connor was talking

00:31:10.700 about this and i said hey connor like how do you optimize doing nothing

00:31:13.640 and he's like you don't that's the that's the trap like it's not a to-do list it's not an

00:31:22.640 optimization strategy it's not a biohacking to go back to what we were talking about earlier

00:31:27.420 like you just do nothing with no outcome. And so I, I think there's probably some things

00:31:36.460 deeper underneath the surface that are causing you to struggle. And what Connor said on that call

00:31:45.100 is he said, you know, and I, and I've actually talked about this too at length at this point,

00:31:51.560 we as men are pattern recognition machines because it creates state safety and stability

00:31:59.480 so i want patterns and we'll create all sorts of weird patterns just to fit things into boxes that

00:32:07.580 help us to feel like we have some semblance of control over it yeah so if that's true

00:32:13.740 then you can actually find this is weird you can find solace in chaos

00:32:19.620 you you can find comfort in getting drunk or getting high you you can find stability

00:32:32.280 in some men it's for its violence or confrontation

00:32:37.740 or the uncertainty of gambling people actually find safety in that it's hardwired for us to

00:32:45.220 look for patterns and we're more likely to keep ourselves in toxic situations because it's the

00:32:52.720 devil we know than to put ourselves in situations that inherently we believe will be better for us

00:32:58.380 but we don't really know and so there's some programming probably was it joel joel yeah

00:33:07.840 there's some programming going on in joel's life that are making him revert back to

00:33:15.220 his old way of doing things it's just safer for you it's a it's a perceived level of safety

00:33:21.100 and you need to find ways to create safety and smarter healthier choices and so what does that

00:33:27.960 look like that's that's the real question what does that look like it means making the toxic

00:33:34.360 decisions harder to do and the healthy decisions easier to do so let's get really tactical

00:33:40.660 if if you drink for example go into your cabinet right now dump all your alcohol out throw it away

00:33:49.500 for me when i was in the throes of my my drinking there was a convenience store in particular

00:33:56.060 that i would just that's where i went to get drinks i stopped going to that convenience store

00:34:01.460 that's a hard rule i don't go to that store walk in there yeah i don't go to that store

00:34:06.040 and a lot of guys are like it's so weak it's so weak like can't you just no no you can't

00:34:12.540 you're machines man yeah right so there's stores there's there's places i wouldn't visit there's

00:34:18.200 people i wouldn't hang out with there's stores i wouldn't go into and i there's no alcohol in the

00:34:23.880 house no i can't i can't do it i'm not going to do it i refuse so i'm going to impose some self

00:34:31.280 regulating rules to keep myself from doing that and then that's half the equation the other half

00:34:38.540 is to have other avenues that are going to be more productive so for me this is why part of

00:34:46.140 the reason aa works so well is because you have a sponsor so if i'm feeling tempted to drink

00:34:52.280 not only do i have those rules in place but i'm going to call you up kip and say hey bro i'm

00:34:57.300 tempted i'm really tempted and you're gonna sit there and you're gonna talk with me for half an

00:35:01.840 hour or an hour or whatever it takes and then the feeling passes if you're tempted to look at

00:35:07.820 pornography put put your phone away like give it go give it to your wife say hey babe like i'm gonna

00:35:14.700 give this to you for an hour i'm gonna need it back tonight because i got a call or some emails 1.00

00:35:19.760 or whatever i'm just gonna give this to you right now and i'm gonna go for for a run or a walk or

00:35:24.980 Like having friends, having healthy outlets, physical movement, walking, jujitsu, training, lifting, running, et cetera, hiking, rucking, friends who you can call.

00:35:39.400 Like I had a situation the other day last week I had like everything just kind of piled on at once and none of it was bad.

00:35:49.220 It just started to feel heavy.

00:35:50.520 Like everybody was relying on me and I had tasks to do and projects to complete.

00:35:54.980 and this person didn't do that so I had to step in and do it and that person and I have step in

00:35:59.620 and do that and I was just pissed man like just pissed like why do I have to do everything all

00:36:07.920 the time why is it always on my shoulders and I called a friend Jay and he well you know he's

00:36:13.960 been on the podcast and done the AMAs with you and I just told him like Jay dude I just needed

00:36:18.660 to swear and just like tell you i'm pissed today and he's like yeah go for it and i told him what

00:36:25.180 was going on he's like all right cool i'm like cool and i left and i went back to work yeah

00:36:32.300 but i felt so much better because of it so having those healthy outlets greasing the grooves towards

00:36:38.760 what you want to do and creating friction towards what you don't is is going to be the most effective

00:36:42.960 outlet and then getting deep into why that's why that toxic behavior is a comfort for you it's like

00:36:50.700 a like giving a kid a pacifier that's that's what it is for you your pacifier might be pornography

00:36:56.040 or drinking or creating fights guys will do this creating fights with your wife why why would you 0.96

00:37:05.080 do that why would you pick fights with your wife because when you grew up your mom and dad fought

00:37:10.520 all the time and you started to internalize that that is the way that a relationship works and so

00:37:16.980 you'll pick fights or another reason to go back to what you were saying if you don't have purpose

00:37:21.880 in your life you'll pick a fight to feel important find purpose yeah yeah it's crazy yeah yeah it's

00:37:32.580 nuts well and Joel this is why this is what I think and I don't know if this is true right I

00:37:37.760 don't know what the statistics are, but I would argue, well, let me just share an example. So we

00:37:43.760 had a regional meetup here in Northern Utah, um, probably about a month or so ago, I invited a

00:37:49.440 bunch of guys that would be interested in the iron council potentially. Right. And we get a group of

00:37:54.560 guys together and we talk about what we do in the IC and the importance of battle plans and what

00:37:59.640 it's like to be on a battle team. And one of the guys right after the meeting, which is a good

00:38:05.420 friend of mine, he comes up to me and goes, sign me up. I'm like, okay, awesome. Done. I'll text

00:38:13.220 you a URL to register and let's get you on a team. And then I pause and I was like, why really quick?

00:38:20.940 And he was like, because everybody in my life right now isn't on this path.

00:38:28.140 Everybody that I want to hang out with, my friends, our couple's friends, they want to

00:38:34.240 go drinking on Saturday. They just want to go to movies. I want to be a better version of myself.

00:38:40.620 I want to improve. I want to drive my self-awareness. I don't want to fall back into

00:38:46.200 the same patterns. I want to be a better version of myself. And what he realized is it matters who

00:38:55.120 you're around. And that's the power of what we do in the Iron Council because you're surrounding

00:39:01.160 yourself around like-minded guys that are on a quest of being better. And you know, what's

00:39:07.160 fascinating is I really believe that there is, I see knowledge this way. There is, if you took

00:39:15.560 all knowledge and we put it in a pie chart, there's a sliver of knowledge of Ryan, you know

00:39:20.320 what you know, right? You know, certain things about marketing, you know, a lot of things about

00:39:25.980 masculinity. You know, you know those things. And then there are things that you know, you don't

00:39:31.020 know. Ah, I know I don't know brain surgery. So if I need that, I'm going to go somewhere else.

00:39:38.000 Those two buckets comprise of a small sliver of knowledge.

00:39:44.440 The magic is all in the space of you don't know that you don't know it.

00:39:49.960 It's not even on your radar. And that's the power of surrounding yourself with other men, because

00:39:55.600 you get in a group of other men and you go geez ryan's just an average guy but look what he's

00:40:01.560 doing that creates possibility for me now all of a sudden that's available to me i go well he can

00:40:08.780 do it i can do it it's relatable it doesn't seem untouchable that's what happens when you surround

00:40:14.420 yourself around high caliber individuals focused on change and so just like a quick call to action

00:40:20.220 Joel and anyone else listening, if this is resonating, we just had an iron council preview

00:40:25.960 call where we kind of talk through what's iron council all about. And you share your screen and

00:40:31.700 show the systems. And we have guys talk about battle teams and battle plans and all that kind

00:40:36.800 of nuance. Um, we just had it. So obviously you can't watch it live, but if you wanted to watch

00:40:43.120 that preview call recording, right? Uh, that, that of that session, go to the iron council.com

00:40:50.160 slash preview, and we'll send you that recording and you can watch. And yeah, our objective is not

00:40:56.380 to convince anybody of anything. It is to present what's happening and see if it resonates. And if

00:41:02.100 it aligns with you, if it does join us, but this is one powerful thing that we're doing is, and I

00:41:06.860 think this is probably, I don't know, Ryan, you tell me, is this the main reason why guys probably

00:41:10.640 joined the iron council it's the structures probably but probably the number one is being

00:41:16.720 around like-minded guys and the power of it yeah i would say that i i i thought it was accountability

00:41:25.080 intuitively i thought it was accountability guys i used to say that too yeah i used to think that

00:41:30.500 as well i did i did surveys with thousands and thousands of men on this issue it's actually

00:41:38.000 not accountability you know what it is camaraderie brotherhood it's yeah brotherhood yeah

00:41:44.080 we we are built to be around other men it isn't until the relative ease of modernity that that 0.69

00:41:50.920 has even been called into question and so you'll see these guys these tryhards and they're beating

00:41:55.520 on their chest like i don't need i'm an omega i'm an alpha i'm a this i'm a that you're not as

00:42:01.300 alpha as you could be if you were with other men who are pushing on you leaning on you

00:42:05.900 challenging you I mean you you challenge me Kip in healthy ways directly and indirectly I have

00:42:12.760 people in there who will look me straight in the eye and say you're not doing as good as you can

00:42:16.500 and it makes me mad I hate it and then I'm like no you know what two things he's earned the right

00:42:24.640 to say that to me and he's right so I can cry and whine and complain and whimper about it

00:42:31.920 or i can say yeah i think i can show it better and that's it's that pressure you know i remember

00:42:40.040 years years and years ago when i was playing high school sports

00:42:44.060 part of part of the reason that we improved is because i knew that if i dropped the ground ball

00:42:53.480 or missed a block or misread a play i'd get reamed by the other guys on the team

00:42:59.880 it wasn't friendly it wasn't like hey pal you can do better we believe it wasn't that that

00:43:07.180 made me do better it was like hey bro you can't miss those blocks we need you to pick up those

00:43:13.140 blocks and then you get into adulthood and you don't have you don't have that

00:43:20.140 but i mean you might have it but it doesn't come from a position of i care about you your boss

00:43:26.180 might yell at you because you miss a deadline it's not because he cares about you it's because

00:43:29.660 to him is worried about the deadline if he's a shitty leader by the way fair enough fair enough 0.86

00:43:35.280 yeah yeah i know as the leadership guy you gotta throw that in yeah i'm like well 0.79

00:43:39.520 but yeah no i think that's a good point like the good leader is gonna he's still gonna say that

00:43:46.600 hey kip yeah deadline was this morning you missed it what's going on man like this isn't like you

00:43:52.720 what something going on do you not have what you need something going on at home like what

00:43:57.420 what do we need to do? Um, but, but, but you don't get that outside of structures and

00:44:04.320 organizations like we've created. Totally. Well, this reminds me of, this reminds you of, uh, a

00:44:10.740 good training partner of mine, Jason South, um, retired from MMA, ended up with like a, I think

00:44:16.580 a 12 and one record. I mean, man, I, we always felt like, man, there's just, it's just a matter

00:44:22.220 time like he's on the verge right of just busting out and fought some serious guys an amazing guy

00:44:29.300 and a lot of people don't realize this but when he fights if he wins or loses especially if he

00:44:38.060 loses we lost as a train he didn't lose camp yeah we lost and so during training camp to the best of

00:44:49.780 our ability we're we're pushing him so hard like insanely hard not because uh you know we're trying

00:45:00.140 to get some it's for him it's for him we're trying to create hell right so when that fight comes

00:45:07.820 it's easy we want we want the battle to be during training not the battle during the fight right

00:45:14.520 and and we lose as a team and you don't think about that but that's that's how that works

00:45:20.540 and um and and so it is with battle teams right it's like man when when a guy on your team and

00:45:27.120 and part of me feels like and we have to be careful here you're not responsible for other

00:45:30.860 people's choices yada yada yada right but if you're really invested in serving those around

00:45:35.700 you and they're failing yeah actually reflect well how did you do did you call him up did you

00:45:44.020 had that conversation i mean we've talked about this you've shared this around you know alcoholism

00:45:49.360 right like some guys knew and didn't say anything to you my full disclosure my alcohol radar is

00:45:55.080 obviously broken because i had no idea but but regardless right like if i didn't i would feel bad

00:46:01.900 i'd be like you know what what could i have done and you should because that's what leaderships

00:46:09.520 that's what good leaders do right is they see how they're showing up and how they're impacting

00:46:13.920 those around him yeah well and i would say to that last point you know first of all like i don't i

00:46:20.360 don't put that on you my choices are my choices um but two things can exist at once we as we as

00:46:28.380 friends and brothers have a responsibility to say hey man you're not doing well i know what's going

00:46:33.380 on with you and also that person has a responsibility for making good choices in their lives

00:46:38.340 like those two things can exist and it's interesting to me and i think part of it is

00:46:43.440 just this quandary of social media where again everything revolves around everybody there's no

00:46:48.740 nuance everything's so black and white it's like no like i messed some things up and also i if i

00:46:57.500 would have wanted to show up better than the way some people did like and i can hold both of those

00:47:04.380 thoughts in my mind and i also thought you know there will be signs and this is also part of the

00:47:09.920 reason that it's it's so crucial that we stay vigilant with what's going on in our guys lives

00:47:14.640 you know like checking in calling looking for pattern behaviors and and changes and i know

00:47:21.240 what a lot of guys will do because i've done this too where it's like i mean i've done this with

00:47:26.220 you like i've noticed that you've been off on certain times and i haven't said anything and

00:47:30.520 i'm like no no you don't need to sit like maybe just having a bad day or what i don't know i

00:47:33.780 don't know what's going on but i'll message you later and be like hey you you seemed a little

00:47:38.640 you're right on the call like everything good totally and you might say yeah no i'm good i'm

00:47:44.180 just like stressed i'm like okay cool like no issue need any help with anything you're like

00:47:48.000 no i'm good i'm just stressed got a deadline okay no issue or you might say no i'm struggling and

00:47:53.020 so two things need to exist in that case the brother needs to reach out and say hey you good

00:47:57.760 you seemed off and the guy who's being reached out to needs to be honest yeah open enough to say

00:48:04.740 yeah i am right like you can't you're not allowed if it's a person who's earned the right to have

00:48:10.660 that discussion with you i'm just telling you guys right now you are no longer allowed to lie

00:48:15.900 to your friends about it you're not like i'm stripping away your permission to lie about it

00:48:20.040 right now i love that yeah it's good so if if you're like no you know what like in your mind

00:48:27.320 you're thinking no my wife and i like she's we're thinking about separating or my kids dealing with

00:48:32.420 an issue or i'm pissed or i'm in financial hardship i lost my job you listening to this

00:48:38.340 as long as that person's earned the right to have these discussions with you

00:48:42.040 are no longer allowed to say yeah everything's fine i'll be good

00:48:45.180 you actually have to tell them no here's what's going on i don't i don't have the solution i

00:48:52.160 don't need to throw a pity party like i'm not telling you guys to just wallow around and

00:48:55.640 whimper about it but like you have to be honest about be open yeah yeah that's your new director

00:49:00.660 Absolutely. All right. Nathan Briggs, Ryan, how do you handle a man in your life, a close friend?

00:49:08.180 Actually, we may have kind of addressed this, but let's bring it up just in case.

00:49:12.520 Ryan, how do you handle a man in your life, a close friend or brother who is clearly drowning,

00:49:16.920 but refuses any help and gets defensive the moment you bring it up? Do you push or do you

00:49:23.240 respect his autonomy and watch him sink? Because it's only the two things that are possible,

00:49:28.380 sink or autonomy jeez you

00:49:32.840 you bring it up well i'll just i'll role play a little bit kip with you here

00:49:41.140 okay give me a problem that like just make up a problem you might be dealing with so maybe it's

00:49:46.120 like relation like i don't know relationship you should give me give me a fake problem he refuses

00:49:49.940 gets offensive um you know what uh i'll i'll go an area that i struggle with right so i would say

00:49:57.640 just um being abrasive let's say you come out to delta and i'm just short with all the kids i'm 0.97

00:50:03.780 just like a walking jerk to everybody okay hothead ruining relationships and you're watching this 0.97

00:50:10.320 going dude you need to calm down right okay cool yeah all right so that's the scenario 1.00

00:50:15.740 i said a fake scenario

00:50:18.020 i wanted some coaching i might as well get some coaching out of this no sense of being hypothetical

00:50:25.420 cool. Um, all right. Like, well, can I be really honest with you? Yeah. So one thing you do,

00:50:35.300 and I noticed this about you and I noticed it because I do the same thing is you, you're going

00:50:42.640 to laugh when I say this, cause I know, you know, you do this, you withdraw. And I don't think

00:50:47.800 you're trying to get away from the family or friends. I think it might be a little bit of

00:50:52.340 like hey i need a breather and i need to have some control over a few things so like i'll i'll see

00:50:58.680 you at the lake and you'll be off i'm like where's kim and you're like gone for an hour and you're

00:51:04.040 like pulling weeds in the most obscure place of the property and like raking gravel or chopping

00:51:11.720 wood or like seeking certainty and control in something yes yes and i recognize this because

00:51:19.320 it's what i do too so i'm like oh i know what he's doing and i and i haven't seen you with the 0.87

00:51:24.060 scenario you said just being a jerk to everybody but if it was i'd i'd actually come out there and 0.89

00:51:27.940 you know what i would do i'd start picking weeds with you i'm like hey bro what's up what are you 0.98

00:51:34.680 doing like i'm just pulling weeds cool can i help yeah you can help you know it's powerful that's it

00:51:41.500 Cause I already know if, if I was heavy with something, 10, 15 minutes into pulling weeds,

00:51:50.040 what's going to come up? Of course it is. No, Ryan, you know what pisses me off?

00:51:55.640 And then you're like, uh-huh. Yeah. And then we ended up having the conversation, right?

00:52:00.240 Totally. And the other thing too, another, another little flanking strategy is, so I'm out there

00:52:06.240 pulling weeds and maybe you're not opening up. Like I know something's bothering you or I could

00:52:10.140 see you're frustrated or whatever i would bring up my own issues yeah i'd be like hey kid you know

00:52:17.080 can i talk with you about something like while we're just pulling some weeds here chopping one

00:52:21.460 you're like yeah yeah i'm like dude my kids are driving me crazy like i've been so frustrated you

00:52:28.980 know my oldest is graduating and like my second's got a little mouth on him and like at times like

00:52:36.440 i'm just pissed and i'd like i really want to be patient with them and i really want to be

00:52:41.760 present with them but like i i find it really hard to do at times yeah you just you just made

00:52:51.060 it safe right for me to bring up the same thing right versus if you're like hey kip why are you 0.85

00:52:56.480 so angry kip you know why are you being a jerk tension invites tension right that's not gonna 0.70

00:53:02.900 work right but but you're like hey man i'm dealing with this i go oh got it relatable and he opened 0.98

00:53:09.480 up willing to share a shortcoming of his own makes it safe for me to share the same thing

00:53:14.520 on my own terms while respecting my autonomy right and if you don't bring it up

00:53:20.740 fine now i know i can yeah right so i just we get done pulling weeds and i'm like hey man i just

00:53:28.300 really appreciate you talking to me about it thanks man let's go let's go hit the lake

00:53:31.100 now if if over time you don't ever bring anything up i would get more i would escalate it

00:53:39.380 over time so i might come to you at some point and say hey you know can i can i be really honest

00:53:45.360 with you about something and you know i've earned that right so you would say yes and like dude it

00:53:49.880 seems like seems like you're on edge seems like you're frustrated about something or something's

00:53:56.540 on your mind and you're on edge maybe i don't know maybe i'm just reading into it but that's

00:54:00.500 what it seems like what's going on man and so you start pushing a little bit and escalating it a

00:54:07.220 little bit but if at some point if you're just bringing that up and all he does is get defensive

00:54:11.220 then the best thing you can do is just to ease up a little bit like just ease up just pull back

00:54:18.240 the reins a little bit still invite him into your world but stop talking about whatever you see he's

00:54:25.680 dealing with but but invite them into your world call them up hey bro dinner tonight my place seven

00:54:32.460 o'clock beer and barbecue hey bro golfing sunday morning 7 a.m come with us and then just go laugh

00:54:41.520 and have fun like it's sometimes it's not even really about just bringing it to the attention

00:54:45.920 and i and i've found that if you're just building that sort of relationship and inviting people into

00:54:51.660 your world but backing up you're letting them come to you it's kind of like a dance right and

00:54:56.840 i know jujitsu is probably the more masculine uh analogy here we can use dancing what kind of

00:55:03.200 dancing ryan would you like to talk about salsa salsa waltz something very close with you kip

00:55:09.760 just something slow you know tango um tango there you go uh no if if if you and i are dancing

00:55:18.900 partners this is the gayest analogy ever if you and i are dancing i'm just tired of using jiu-jitsu 0.61

00:55:24.720 if you and i are dancing partners and i take a step back with my right foot where does your left 0.77

00:55:30.400 foot go forward forward forward if you take a step back with your right foot my left foot goes forward

00:55:38.580 you you need to create the space for something to happen and that happens in jiu-jitsu yes and it

00:55:46.040 happens in other aspects as well but if i go forward and you go forward we're just going to

00:55:51.080 step on each other's each other's toes and then it's not going to be fun yeah so it's a good i

00:55:57.180 love what i love about this ryan too is this this is how this to nathan's question this is why you

00:56:05.420 respect autonomy because the change is in choice not compliance right so you want to help someone

00:56:18.680 you create the environment by which they come to the conclusion on their own they're their own

00:56:24.880 self-evaluation that is way more sticky than a friend coming to me and saying dude you're being 0.96

00:56:32.280 a jerk okay fine you know i'll you know i'll try to be more nice to my kid it's not the same 0.98

00:56:38.040 so this isn't about oh do i go deeper or respect his autonomy no no there's no growth without the 0.99

00:56:45.740 autonomy side so you show up in a way where he chooses and that's where growth is and that's

00:56:53.700 why the autonomy is such an important element a part of this because that's lasting change

00:56:57.300 what's the movie of i think it's like ben stiller where he's like i know that you know that i know

00:57:04.960 that you know do you know what i'm talking yeah yeah it's uh what is that dodgeball is it i think

00:57:10.900 it's dodgeball yeah yeah it's dodgeball but it's true because what what a friend needs to know

00:57:16.980 is that you know something's wrong yeah and so i might say to you hey kip i know something's wrong

00:57:25.340 you may not be ready to talk about it right now and that's okay but i want you to know that i know

00:57:32.440 that you know something's wrong yeah and then what will happen is i will go okay got it it's

00:57:39.240 showing up more than i realize it's affecting those around me more than i realize and now i

00:57:45.420 start considering maybe i should be making some change yeah and then also just letting know hey

00:57:51.460 like if and when you're ready to talk about it let me know yeah we'll go to the driving range

00:57:58.400 we'll go to the shooting range we'll get on the mats we'll go for a run we'll go for a walk

00:58:02.020 whatever i'm here like it's cool i might like i might even call have you ever seen those videos

00:58:07.400 where guys call their their male friends and their buddies answer and they're like hey i just wanted

00:58:13.260 to say good night i just wanted to wish you good night i've been thinking about you it's actually

00:58:17.900 Have you seen these videos?

00:58:19.000 It's actually fun.

00:58:19.700 No, I haven't.

00:58:21.040 So just like buddies will call their friend.

00:58:22.880 They're like, hey, I just want to say goodnight, buddy.

00:58:24.660 Love you.

00:58:25.200 Like, hope you're doing well.

00:58:26.480 And the reactions are actually, they're actually really funny.

00:58:28.860 But you could do stuff like that where it's like, just have fun.

00:58:31.660 Be light.

00:58:32.360 Like, let him know you're thinking about him.

00:58:33.980 Just mess around with it.

00:58:35.280 I mean, I've done that a handful of times with my buddy, Richard.

00:58:37.540 But it's usually like inappropriate.

00:58:39.140 And I'd be like, I miss you.

00:58:40.580 And, you know, I remember last time we were together.

00:58:43.400 totally that's how we relate for sure anyways i hope that gives we went we went pretty deep on

00:58:51.160 that but i hope that helps i i think this is this question by garrett's a solid one to wrap up on if

00:58:56.460 you're good with it one more are you right yeah yeah yeah for sure okay garrett uh mullen ryan

00:59:04.500 what's your honest take on men who use faith as a crutch i see a lot of guys in my church who talk

00:59:10.660 about surrendering to God, but it seems like a convenient excuse to avoid taking real ownership

00:59:16.840 of their lives. Yeah. I dig this because like, I do think there's a dance in this space. Yeah,

00:59:26.060 maybe. Yeah. Well, okay. So if I'm going to err, I err not on the side of faith in God,

00:59:38.260 but faith in myself. If I am going to err, that's where I end up erring. And so that's,

00:59:43.560 I want to give that context in this question. Here's what I think. I'm going to get a lot

00:59:54.280 of messages about this. God's already given you everything you need. You already have it.

01:00:00.920 and i think sometimes we're sitting down here

01:00:06.520 and and we'll pray and we'll read the scriptures and we'll be studious about spirituality and our

01:00:15.620 relationship with him and we'll and we'll like almost just like like help me right help me like

01:00:22.520 do something and i have this vision of god up there wherever he is saying ryan do something

01:00:33.140 while you're not working you're just praying the whole time

01:00:39.060 yeah and i feel like both me and god are looking at each other like

01:00:44.800 who who's gonna go first here yeah and my thought is that it has to be you

01:00:54.920 if you have faith then you would do that your act yeah i don't i don't like the attitude of

01:01:05.940 if it's god's will if it's meant to be like what what do you mean if it's god's will are you saying

01:01:13.560 It might not be God's will for you to be a hard worker, for you to be diligent, for you to love your wife, for you to put down alcohol, for you to go get a new job, for you to lead your family well, for you to get in shape.

01:01:25.360 What do you mean?

01:01:26.480 Of course that's his will.

01:01:28.720 He's already written it.

01:01:31.240 And the only question is, will you read it?

01:01:35.560 It's there for you.

01:01:37.880 It is already written.

01:01:40.280 And now it's like a play.

01:01:41.620 the script is already written i actually like theater that's something a lot of people don't

01:01:46.680 know about me but i like theater i like going and watching and i i think it's a real talent i think

01:01:52.780 it's fun to watch there's beautiful stories that are being told i like the theater what's fascinating

01:01:58.180 to me is that there's a script that's already written and the actors know what the script is

01:02:04.160 the audience doesn't always know but the actors know what it is and even still they deviate

01:02:08.380 sometimes. The script's already there. All you have to do is read it. God wants you to lead your

01:02:16.540 family. He wants you to get out of debt. I promise you, he wants you out of debt. He wants you to

01:02:24.860 build financial abundance and prosperity so that you can build his kingdom. He wants you to lose

01:02:30.840 50 pounds he wants that but what he has given us is agency it's one of the most beautiful blessings

01:02:43.340 but also a bit of a curse and we know it's a curse because he cursed adam in the garden of eden

01:02:49.860 yeah yeah so it's a curse it's the curse of humankind what's the curse but it's also

01:02:56.700 yeah go ahead sorry it's also a beautiful blessing because now we get to decide this

01:03:02.000 goes back to what you were saying earlier kip you grow through choice through agency

01:03:07.360 you don't grow through forced coercion to a doctrine even if it's the most beautiful doctrine

01:03:15.940 the word of god ever ever created you have to make that choice and you only make that choice

01:03:23.480 sure pray i'm telling you pray study ponder build a relationship with him and then get up

01:03:30.320 off your and you can't do anything on your knees pray for strength and courage and guidance and 0.94

01:03:36.380 direction and clarity and then get your ass up and go do it of course that's his will of course

01:03:44.560 it is i have no doubt in my mind about that that is where i feel like my faith comes in handy and 0.86

01:03:50.240 sometimes admittedly, I take it too far and don't acknowledge his hand and his guidance and

01:03:54.900 direction, but that's my own humanity, but that's where I sit on it. Yeah. I think it's a great way

01:04:03.720 to wrap the call, man. It's spot on. It's a good call to action. I love it. Yeah. Um, Joel mentioned

01:04:10.820 this earlier. I'll bring it up one more time, right? We had a preview call this week. If you

01:04:14.940 want to see the recording of the preview call, this is where we talk about the iron council and

01:04:19.380 what it looks like internally, go to theironcouncil.com slash preview. Watch that

01:04:24.640 recording and join us and band with like-minded men. As always, connect with Mr. Mickler on X

01:04:31.480 and Instagram at Ryan Mickler. Anything else, sir? No, that's it. I mean, I just, yeah, I mean,

01:04:39.500 go to work. Yeah, go to work. Like, find strength in him and in other people. We talked about that

01:04:48.680 today too find strength in him find strength in other people and then get to work like just get

01:04:57.760 to work you as a man were called to work and that's what God told Adam in the Garden of Eden

01:05:04.560 you're gonna toil and you're gonna labor for the rest of your days okay yes Lord I'll do that

01:05:11.620 we should go do that absolutely and I don't see it as a curse as necessarily as like okay Adam

01:05:18.280 you want to grow this is what growth looks like right beautiful thing all right guys appreciate

01:05:25.260 you all um i'm toying around with and i haven't even told you this kit but i'm toying around with

01:05:29.880 a couple of new shows throughout the week still order man podcast but a couple of new formats and

01:05:35.740 shows because you know i just i feel like gotta make you know this enough about me at this point

01:05:41.440 right we've done this we've done this i got this like what else you got so i've got a couple of

01:05:49.320 new formats that i'm thinking about i'm not gonna say anymore i've got a couple of new formats i'm

01:05:55.440 thinking about and so stay tuned guys make sure you subscribe hit us up on youtube hit that little

01:06:00.100 subscribe button leave a rating review help us support and be on the lookout in the next 30 to

01:06:06.060 60 days for some new formats and new shows that I think I hope will help. All right, guys. Appreciate

01:06:11.500 y'all. We'll be back on Friday. Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are

01:06:16.080 meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of

01:06:25.460 your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at

01:06:30.100 orderofman.com.

01:06:36.060 You

Order of Man - May 20, 2026

Stop Being Selfish, Build Better Patterns, and Lead Women Well ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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