Order of Man - Strategies for Overcoming Burnout, What Your Style Says About You, and Attitudes that Kill Success

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.320 Mickler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order of Man.

00:00:32.120 I want to welcome you, whether you're here for the first time or you've been with us for any amount

00:00:35.540 of time. I feel like I say the same thing every single week, but I am honored. I am glad that

00:00:40.860 you're here. We need more men in the battle to reclaim and restore masculinity. And that's what

00:00:45.080 this movement is all about. So we've got the podcast. We've got Facebook groups. We've got

00:00:50.060 a YouTube channel. We've got all the other social media channels. Of course, we've got our exclusive

00:00:54.220 brotherhood, the iron council. We're running events. I mean, whatever we can do to reclaim

00:00:59.400 and restore this mantle of masculinity, that's what it's all about. So today is an ask me anything

00:01:05.020 where I will field questions from the Facebook group, which you can find at facebook.com slash

00:01:11.080 groups slash order of man. And also from our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council, which

00:01:15.860 you can find at order of man.com slash iron council. Just a quick announcement before we get into it.

00:01:22.240 I want to announce or introduce you to origin, which is our show sponsor. And of course my

00:01:27.180 friends here in Maine, they make Brazilian jujitsu rash guards, geese. They've got their

00:01:33.660 supplemental lineup partnered up with a Jocko. Of course, a lot of you guys are familiar with that.

00:01:37.400 And then they've got their denim lineup and their boot lineup. We just gave away a brand new pair of

00:01:42.620 origin boots. I think it was earlier this week, end of last week, early this week. And we'll probably

00:01:47.460 be doing some more of that in the near future. But if you are interested in 100% made and sourced

00:01:52.880 in America boots and denim as well, go check it out. Origin main as in the statement origin,

00:01:59.060 main.com and use the code order. I confirmed, I went onto their site and I confirmed that you're

00:02:05.360 going to get a discount on your entire order, whatever you purchase over there, whether it's

00:02:10.180 the jujitsu stuff, the lifestyle apparel, the denim, the boots, or the supplemental lineup.

00:02:15.020 Again, origin main.com use the code order. All right, guys, let's get into the questions.

00:02:22.580 Now you might notice that today I am absent Kip last week. He was absent me. And that's,

00:02:29.840 what's nice about having a partner and a co-host and Kip Sorensen is that if I'm not available,

00:02:36.100 he is. And if he's not available, I am. So you're getting me, you're getting me solo today.

00:02:39.800 I hope it's, uh, informative and I hope I answer these questions to the best of my ability and give

00:02:45.540 you what it is you're looking for. So let's just jump right into this. The questions for today,

00:02:49.960 I've got a list here and I think I've got, I don't know, maybe 20, 25 questions or so,

00:02:56.580 and we'll get through as many as I possibly can. So the first ones come from our Facebook group and

00:03:01.520 we'll jump right into it. Dan, uh, her resin. See, this is why I have Kip here is because, uh,

00:03:07.680 he can butcher the names instead of me. So Dan her resin, again, I may have butchered that.

00:03:11.540 He says, what advice do you have for men who are trying to be more intimate with their girlfriends

00:03:16.240 without being sexual? Uh, when my girlfriend and I started dating, uh, we relied on sexual things

00:03:21.780 for intimacy. We've grown into our Christian faith together and have resolved to stop those things

00:03:26.580 until we get married in a year and a half to three years. Uh, I've been struggling to provide for her

00:03:30.800 in this area since she naturally needs more physical intimacy than I do. Uh, but finding a balance

00:03:35.420 between being intimate enough and falling back into sin has been difficult. Thanks in, uh, thanks

00:03:39.980 for the advice. Well, first of all, I commend Dan, uh, for deciding to wait. I think it's a prudent

00:03:47.280 decision to wait, to get overly intimate with, uh, with a woman prior to committing to her, uh, because

00:03:53.120 there's a lot of emotional and of course, physical attachment that comes with that. Uh, in, in the

00:03:58.440 Facebook group, I've seen a lot of frustration and headache and heartache come from getting involved

00:04:05.240 intimately and sexually with a woman that you haven't committed to. So I do commend Dan for

00:04:10.400 that. I think that's a valuable, valuable thing is, is waiting until you are committed fully,

00:04:14.640 uh, before that happens. And I've talked about that at length as to why that's the case. And

00:04:19.040 I won't rehash it here. Maybe we'll do that on another podcast. Uh, but as far as being intimate

00:04:23.860 without being sexual, I think that's a good distinction. Uh, I think it is important to

00:04:28.400 understand that intimacy doesn't have to be physical, uh, that there's an emotional connection as well.

00:04:33.000 And I think women are probably more inclined and prone to, uh, be connected that way than

00:04:37.700 naturally men are, but that's not to say that we can't, I know that I have a very deep and intimate

00:04:42.520 and, uh, familiar, uh, emotional and deep connection with my wife outside, outside of our physical

00:04:49.900 intimacy. But the best thing that I could say is to get to know her deeply. You know, the more that

00:04:54.940 you know, and understand in this case, Dan's girlfriend, uh, and potentially your wife,

00:04:59.960 uh, the more likely it is that you will be connected. You know, you could look at the same

00:05:05.120 thing when it comes to battle. For example, you know, there's men that I went to Iraq with in 2005

00:05:11.200 and 2006, that we have a deep, deep, uh, uh, bond and forged that through, uh, knowing each other

00:05:18.680 through going through difficult circumstances together, through being on the same page and having

00:05:23.140 the same goals and objectives. Now, obviously it's not romantic in nature, but, uh, but there is that,

00:05:29.600 that deep, uh, intimate bond between that other individual. And you can forge that through going

00:05:35.080 through challenging times together, getting to know each other very, very well, understanding

00:05:39.620 what makes your partner tick, uh, what they, what goals and objectives and dreams and visions and

00:05:46.120 things like that, that they have. But I think the biggest thing that you can do to create intimacy

00:05:50.060 outside of physical intimacy is service. The more that you can serve your significant other,

00:05:55.960 uh, the better connected, the more deeply connected that you are. Now that's not to say that you are

00:06:01.540 going to be a slave to her, uh, that she can, uh, manipulate or abuse your desire to serve her.

00:06:08.780 She should be serving you as well. This should be a reciprocal relationship. And if it's not,

00:06:13.860 then that's something that needs to be addressed. But, uh, I've noticed that the more that I

00:06:18.000 serve my wife and serve her needs and really support and uplift and edify her, that there's a

00:06:24.060 deep, intimate connection that goes well beyond what we do physically. So get to know her,

00:06:29.960 understand her, what makes her tick, and then strive to serve your partner. Same goes for women.

00:06:35.100 They should be doing the same thing as well. All right. Tyler cross. He says, do you have any

00:06:39.280 specific processes or strategies to your family budget? Do you use any software, notepad, phone app,

00:06:44.700 et cetera. So this is really important. One thing that I do as far as a system for, uh, my family,

00:06:50.020 uh, money and financial strategies is that we do a weekly Monday money meeting. And the meeting is

00:06:58.020 very, very simple. Uh, it's what income has come in over the past week and what income is likely to

00:07:03.060 come in, uh, in the week moving forward, just because of the way that I get compensated. It's

00:07:07.440 important to look at it. Well, I look at it daily. My wife and I look at it weekly. I don't think

00:07:12.120 monthly is, is quick enough. I think a lot can happen in 30 days. So we look at it every week,

00:07:17.180 uh, what money is coming in, what money is going out. Uh, she may tell me and inform me that there's

00:07:22.700 some upcoming expenses that I'm not aware of, or I may need to inform her that there's some

00:07:26.500 upcoming expenses that she's not aware of. Uh, and we make those decisions together. The best thing

00:07:30.880 that about that meeting is that nobody's in the dark. And that's the most important thing.

00:07:35.220 There's no surprises. There's no guesswork. There's no wondering it's an open book. We're on the same

00:07:40.380 page. Now I manage most of the financial decisions because she's just not interested in it. Could

00:07:45.220 she do it a hundred percent? No doubt. She's not interested in it. So the partnership between her

00:07:49.700 and I works in that I manage the finances, but I include her. I include her in the process. I let

00:07:54.680 her know what's going on. I let her know of expenses and income and everything else that we have coming up.

00:07:59.580 And, uh, that's how we do it. Now, as far as any software, we just use our bank app. That's it.

00:08:05.340 Um, there's, there's cool programs like mint and, uh, YNAB, uh, spelled Y N A B why you need a budget.

00:08:13.540 So YNAB, uh, there's quick books. We do actually, we do use quick books online version for the

00:08:19.500 business and, and some personal stuff as well. But for the most part, we just use our, our bank

00:08:23.420 account, uh, information and go through that as well. So yeah, I would do a weekly meeting again,

00:08:29.440 talk about, uh, what's coming in, what's going out unforeseen or unnecessary expenses to be

00:08:34.900 aware of, um, roadblocks, stumbling blocks, potential expenses that might be coming up

00:08:40.080 planning for budgets, whether it's vacations or trips or other expenses like braces for kids

00:08:46.000 and broken arms, et cetera, et cetera. Uh, and then use, use an app if you feel, feel inclined to do

00:08:52.680 so. Mint was always a good program, but I, but I do like quick books a lot. So check that out.

00:08:56.980 Hopefully that helps. The biggest thing, just be on the same page. Just let there be no question as to,

00:09:02.480 as to what the money situation is doing. And then there's some, so much accountability in that too,

00:09:07.480 right? Like if she knows everything that's going on, then I have accountability in the way that I spend

00:09:12.180 money. If I know everything that she's spending it on, then there's accountability to her knowing

00:09:15.900 that I'm going to look at it. So that accountability is huge as well. All right, Ben Acosta, uh, are you

00:09:22.020 considering investing in the main company, partnering invest investments? Um, I actually, I don't know what

00:09:29.460 the main company is. He says, are you considering investing in the main company, partnering investments?

00:09:34.980 I don't know if the main company is a business or, or just a company in Maine. Maybe he's talking

00:09:40.180 about origin. That could be as well. I don't really know. Um, as far as origin goes, no, I'm not planning

00:09:46.800 on investing in them if that's what you're asking, but we are friends. There are some collaborations

00:09:51.860 that we're working on soon to be released. And I'll let you know, as soon as we have the details on

00:09:55.500 that. Um, so yeah, partnership in a way, but as far as a business partner, I don't have plans.

00:10:01.580 They haven't asked me to be, uh, and, uh, yeah, just friends and I enjoy and appreciate what they

00:10:08.160 do. If that's what you're asking is again, that's origin. Check it out by the way, origin, main.com

00:10:13.360 origin, main. All right. Jeff Daigle says, do you have any upcoming hunts? Uh, what's your gear load

00:10:18.900 out look like currently for bow hunting? I know it depends on where and what hunt just curious.

00:10:22.960 So I just got done with a hunt. Uh, I was in Minnesota and it was relatively successful.

00:10:29.640 I was out there for, I was hunting for five days. I was out there a little longer.

00:10:33.700 Uh, and yeah, it was a very successful hunt. I did miss a shot on a very, very two shots on two

00:10:40.640 different good size bucks. I hate to admit that, but that was the case. Uh, I do get a little bit

00:10:45.940 of a target panic I've noticed. And I have a tendency of shooting high when I get that target panic,

00:10:51.100 which is exactly what I did on both of these bucks shot right over their shoulder. Watch the,

00:10:55.720 watch the arrow go right over their shoulder and my hopes and dreams die with it. But, uh,

00:11:01.200 I am going to work on that with, um, John Dudley. If you're familiar with him, he's got his, uh,

00:11:06.220 knock on TV. Uh, I use his knock to it release, which is a thumb release, but I'm going to start

00:11:12.420 training with his silver back release, which is a, uh, back tension release. And I think that will

00:11:18.860 help at least it's supposed to help with target panic. So that's my release. Uh, but I did kill

00:11:24.480 two does out there and that was exciting. Um, and it was good to bring meat home and put meat in the

00:11:30.860 freezer and, uh, be successful. I was really excited about that. What else? What else? Um,

00:11:38.020 I will say the first doe that I shot, she died within 30 yards. It was, it was a great shot.

00:11:43.140 She died quickly. No harm is, I shouldn't say no harm. I should say she died quickly and peacefully

00:11:48.980 as best she can. That was good. I felt good about that. Uh, the second one I shot far back. It was

00:11:54.620 good up and down, but I shot far back and, uh, I had the, uh, the nocturnal, uh, knocks on my arrows

00:12:00.420 and I hit her right in her hip. And I was really disappointed with that shot, but I watched her

00:12:05.560 long story short. We tracked a very, very scarce blood trail for,

00:12:09.980 I would say maybe 200 yards or so roughly and found a small drop of blood, picked her up.

00:12:18.160 And then I heard some rustling in, in the brush off to about 20 yards to our left,

00:12:23.760 looked over there with, uh, with my friend, um, Matt and he saw her put another arrow in her and

00:12:30.520 eventually we got the thing done, but that was a disappointment, but it was good that we tracked

00:12:35.180 her. We were out there for quite a while trying to find her. And I honestly didn't think we would,

00:12:38.780 but we didn't give up. We wanted to make sure that we found her and harvested her and put her out of

00:12:43.460 a misery, of course, rather than the coyotes eating her while she was still alive. It's rough

00:12:47.640 sometimes, but it is the way it goes. And I did the best I could and I'll continue to improve.

00:12:51.880 As far as my bow, uh, I shot the Hoyt nitrix. Um, I usually shoot the Hoyt RX one. Uh, the only reason

00:12:59.120 I didn't shoot that is because it's in the shop getting restrung and it took a lot longer than I

00:13:02.800 thought. So I switched bows to the Hoyt nitrix. Uh, I use the spot hog fast Eddie, uh, site,

00:13:09.780 which is it's, it operates like a single pin. It's a double pin technically, but it does operate

00:13:14.180 like a single pin site. And yeah, uh, I, I pull 70 pounds is the draw weight. I don't know what else

00:13:23.320 you want to use as far as like what I brought. This was a, uh, a tree hunt. It was a whitetail hunt.

00:13:27.700 So I was hunting from tree stands and tripods. So I don't bring anything with me. The only thing I

00:13:32.040 bring out when I sit is I bring my bow. Uh, I bring my range finder. Um, I use a vortex, uh,

00:13:37.980 uh, range finder and then my binoculars and that's it. It's all I bring. And the bow of course and

00:13:45.340 arrows, that's all I bring. Cause I don't want a bunch of stuff out there. So I'll talk later when I

00:13:49.040 do a spot and stock hunt in, um, in Arizona at the beginning of next year, I can talk more about the

00:13:56.720 load out there. All right. Chris rice. He says he is working on becoming an Adirondack 46 or climbing

00:14:03.020 all 46 high peaks. Would you ever consider coming to the high peaks and doing an order of man hike?

00:14:09.220 Sure. Sounds awesome. I would love to do that. So Chris, if you want to get me some details,

00:14:13.240 like let's take a look at it and maybe something next year, but I think that's worth pursuing anything.

00:14:18.500 Look, I'm all about putting yourself in difficult situations and demanding situations and pushing

00:14:23.240 yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. So this is something that would certainly do that.

00:14:27.940 And I would be interested in seeing what options are available and what that would look like.

00:14:32.260 All right. Dylan Dextrat Dex trays Dylan Dextrace. He says, have you considered doing 75 hard? Uh,

00:14:38.780 for those of you who do not know what 75 hard is, this is Andy Frisilla, uh, a friend of mine. It's his,

00:14:44.240 uh, his program for, uh, building up mental and emotional resilience and grit and fortitude. Uh,

00:14:51.120 I'm going to butcher this probably a little bit, but I believe it's two workouts per day.

00:14:56.800 Uh, it's so much water. I don't know what the water intake is. Maybe it's a gallon of water.

00:15:01.740 I don't know what it is. Um, it's sticking to your diet. It's reading, I believe 10 pages

00:15:06.620 of a book every single day for 75 days. I think I got all of them. Oh, and then I think you have

00:15:12.640 to take a progress picture. You don't need to post it, but you need to take it. I think those are the,

00:15:15.900 the qualifications. Um, I've considered doing it, but quite frankly, I have my own program that I use.

00:15:21.060 It's called the 12 week battle planner. It's a 90 day battle plan, uh, designed to push you in the

00:15:25.480 right direction. So I think what Andy's doing is amazing and excellent. And I can see that it

00:15:31.960 certainly helped a ton of people. Um, but again, it's, I use the battle planner, something I've

00:15:36.420 been using for in different forms and iterations for, uh, five, almost five years now. And it's worked

00:15:43.340 well and I've accomplished a lot physically, mentally, emotionally. And so that's the program

00:15:47.800 that I'll continue to use. But Hey, if 75 hard is a thing, then use it. Obviously it's proven to work

00:15:52.520 and, uh, Andy's got some great, uh, some great information. So check it out. Luke Davis. I'm

00:15:58.200 starting school for business marketing with a, uh, VA book. It says Vogue rehab. I really did VA

00:16:05.760 Vogue rehab. I really don't know specifically what he's referring to, uh, but we'll be done in less

00:16:10.260 than three years for a bachelor's degree. Uh, I've been wanting to buy an own land for years. Do I pull the

00:16:15.620 trigger and hope, uh, work will be nearby the growing area or keep paying a thousand in rent a

00:16:21.860 month and wait till I finish school and see where it takes me. So there are so many variables to this

00:16:28.560 equation. Um, you know, you're thinking about owning land. If you end up getting work somewhere else,

00:16:36.180 that land is not going to be used. Like you can't rent it out. You can't, maybe you can lease it out.

00:16:41.780 I don't know how much land you're buying, but it just becomes this, yes, technically an asset,

00:16:47.940 but it's just sitting over here in the side and it's not being utilized. I think if you were going

00:16:51.600 to buy a home, for example, and maybe there's home on this land you're looking at that could

00:16:55.860 be potentially turned into a rental, then that might be something worth considering. But I tend to

00:17:03.740 lean more towards do your schooling, get it done. Uh, I don't know that tying yourself into a bunch of

00:17:11.380 land. If you don't know what your goal and objective is, um, and, and you don't know where

00:17:16.300 you'll be might be a misstep, but if you've always wanted land and there's a right piece that comes up

00:17:22.780 and you know, you'll have it forever and want it forever, regardless of where you end up, uh, then

00:17:27.000 maybe it's worth considering. I would just say, be smart, just be smart, make a good choice, make a

00:17:32.660 good decision. Um, do what's in your best interest. Don't get emotionally wrapped up in this thing.

00:17:38.340 Cause sometimes that's what happens. You know, this piece of land comes up and we, we envision

00:17:42.660 ourselves hunting on it or envision ourselves, you know, raising kids on it or whatever, whatever

00:17:47.500 your thing is. And we get so emotionally vested in it that we end up making decisions that aren't

00:17:52.700 prudent and aren't wise. So step back for a minute, ask yourself if this is emotionally charged or this

00:17:58.960 is a prudent, uh, reasonable, logical decision, and then make your decision from there. All right.

00:18:04.760 Christopher Campbell, uh, what is your view on unions and why I am a union laborer? And I know a lot of

00:18:11.340 people do not agree with organized unions. Uh, frankly, I don't like unions. Uh, I think initially

00:18:16.880 they probably started for good reasons, but I think that unions have become the bully. Um, I think unions

00:18:24.080 raise prices artificially, uh, for consumers, which ends up hurting industry and commerce. Uh, and I think

00:18:31.860 that it's expensive. I think that union dues don't end up being utilized in the way that's most, uh,

00:18:38.060 effective for the union members. Uh, I think it's a form of socialism in a way, and that there's some

00:18:44.820 fat cats sitting at the top, um, skimming off your, your resources and your money and, uh, they're

00:18:51.200 bargaining, but they're using you as a bargaining chip. So, you know, there's probably a lot of union

00:18:55.660 guys who listen to this podcast. And if that's working for you, then by all means, great. Uh, but

00:19:01.040 generally speaking, and, and look, I'll be the first to tell you, I'm, I'm limited with my

00:19:05.480 knowledge with unions, but again, I think they artificially inflate prices. Uh, I think they,

00:19:10.400 they bully, uh, they shut down free trade in commerce, uh, and they don't let the market dictate

00:19:15.700 it. I am somebody who believes in free, uh, uh, free markets and a capitalistic, uh, way of operating

00:19:22.760 economics. So, uh, I think unions are at direct odds with that many times. Now, some people will say,

00:19:29.220 well, you know, like they, they help their union members by collective bargaining. Well, okay.

00:19:33.960 There's, there's laws and there's regulations and rules in place. And, uh, so I don't know that it's

00:19:40.200 as necessary as it once was. That's, that's my take. So I hope it works for you. I hope it's

00:19:45.120 working well. Um, I would just say, be wary. And I think every employee should have the right to

00:19:50.800 decide whether they're part of a union or not. And I don't think that if they decide not to be part

00:19:55.640 of the union that they should be, you know, blacklisted or called out the way that they are.

00:20:00.020 It's, uh, it definitely some bullying tactics there. Uh, and I, and I just, I don't agree with

00:20:05.680 it. All right. Brandon Dean, uh, order a man, low pro trucker hat, maybe athletic mesh with a hook and

00:20:11.520 loop, you know, to support the cause. I had a great one for my first ask, but after, uh, night shift,

00:20:17.700 this is all I've got. Thanks for doing what you do so we can come together like this. Um, yeah,

00:20:21.640 I've got a little different hat here, obviously. So this is a constant debate whether I should wear

00:20:26.960 a flat brim, uh, or a curve brim, a low profile or whatever. It's like the topic of debate. It's

00:20:33.340 really, it's really interesting to me actually. Cause a lot of the times the guys that say,

00:20:37.540 you know, you should, men don't wear flat brim hats are the same guys who say men don't care about

00:20:42.440 their style. And yet these guys seem to care more about it than anybody else. So I don't care what

00:20:46.900 you wear, whether it's a curve brim, no hat, flat brim, whatever. As long as I think

00:20:51.540 you're doing generally what it means to be a man, then you get to call yourself a man.

00:20:56.060 Uh, as far as hats, we do have a new hat that's going to be coming out in, I would say the next

00:21:02.140 couple of weeks, it's called the Ranger hat. Uh, it is a baseball hat, a baseball cap. Uh,

00:21:07.340 so stay tuned for that. And we've got some other plans as well. Always new merchandise. Check it out

00:21:11.360 store.orderofman.com. Thanks, Brandon. Appreciate it. All right. John Bowden, uh, does, okay,

00:21:17.500 here we go. Here's another one. Does having facial hair such as a big bushy beard have a negative

00:21:21.240 effect on people's perception of you? I would answer this very simply for some people. Yes.

00:21:26.680 Because some people don't like it for other people, then a positive impact. It's really just

00:21:31.620 who you're asking. But again, it doesn't matter whether you have a beard or not. I love when people

00:21:35.640 specifically on YouTube will say things like having a beard doesn't make you a man. I agree. Nobody

00:21:41.320 even alluded to the fact that that's the case. That would be my, like me saying, if somebody who I'm

00:21:46.440 talking to has a blue shirt on out of the blue and randomly just say, well, having a blue shirt on,

00:21:51.140 doesn't make you a man. That sounds idiotic because it is. So yeah, some people have a

00:21:57.680 negative perception and other people have a positive perception and some people that doesn't

00:22:01.600 matter either way. All right. His next couple of questions, such as future employment, dealing

00:22:05.300 with financial institutions, government agencies, or the public in general. Uh, what about hair?

00:22:10.120 Look, he's asking now about hairstyles like Mohawks, long hair, et cetera, what you wear and the way you

00:22:15.900 decide to wear it, whether it's your facial hair, the hair on your head, your clothes, your hat,

00:22:19.900 your whatever, your mannerisms, the way that you present yourself to the public is saying something

00:22:24.840 about you. So you just have to ask yourself in the situation in your end is a beard or is this shirt

00:22:31.800 or is this hair or is a tattoo or piercings or whatever your thing is, is this going to move me

00:22:37.840 closer to my objective or move me further away from my objective? And again, whatever that is,

00:22:43.160 just make your decisions based on that. If having a beard is acceptable and you want to have a beard,

00:22:47.660 by all means, rock it. If you don't like beards or, and, or it doesn't, uh, fit your current

00:22:53.620 objectives, maybe you're in the military or law enforcement and you're required to shave, then by

00:22:58.760 all means do that. It really doesn't matter. But I think that your style, and when I say style,

00:23:05.380 I'm talking about hair on your head, facial hair, clothes, mannerisms, the way you communicate,

00:23:11.260 tone, inflection, speech, vocabulary. Some guys like to swear a lot that might help them in certain

00:23:16.140 circumstances and it might hinder them in certain circumstances. So use your style and your

00:23:21.060 presence, the way that you present yourself, uh, as, as a tool. That's all it is. And again,

00:23:27.020 a lot of guys will say, well, real men don't care about that. That's not true. Everybody cares about

00:23:32.560 that. There isn't a single person who does not care about the way they present themselves to the

00:23:36.560 world. Even the people who say, well, I don't care about the way I look will deliberately and

00:23:41.320 intentionally wear clothes and maybe even not do proper hygiene because they want to signify to the

00:23:48.580 world that they don't care, which actually means that they do care. So everyone cares. And you

00:23:55.240 should, you should be conscious about the way that you're presenting yourself and putting yourself out

00:24:00.340 into the world. And then asking yourself, is this helping my cause or is it hindering my cause? And

00:24:04.320 you'll be the judge of that and, uh, do what works for you. But yes, having a beard, uh, or facial

00:24:11.260 hair or a Mohawk or piercings or tattoos or clothes is going to affect the way people look at you and

00:24:18.080 perceive you. No doubt about it. All right. Dwayne Klassen, excuse me at, uh, at what point or milestone

00:24:25.900 or quote unquote aha moment during your rebuild, did your wife finally see you as the real deal and

00:24:31.300 wanted to have you back in her life for good? I don't know if there was an aha moment. It took

00:24:37.100 time, you know, just, just me working on myself. And I would say this when it comes to a lot of you

00:24:43.420 guys are, are going through potential, uh, separations or maybe a divorce or you have in the

00:24:47.800 past. And what I hear from a lot of guys is they'll say things like, well, you know, I want to win her

00:24:53.100 back and I'm going to do X, Y, and Z so I can win her back. I actually think that's a mistake

00:24:57.640 because you can't control her. You can only control yourself. And I think you ought to have

00:25:03.360 the right motives and intentions because that's going to be more real. And whether she comes back

00:25:07.520 or doesn't, uh, you're going to set yourself up and put yourself in a better position when you do

00:25:12.800 things for the right reason and working on yourself to win the affection or attention of a woman,

00:25:17.420 I think is a losing play. I think what you probably ought to be doing is working on yourself because

00:25:23.120 you want to become a better man. So it's physical fitness. It's putting yourself in difficult and

00:25:29.200 demanding situations so you can build up fortitude and resilience and resolve. Uh, it's living to a

00:25:34.100 higher power, whether that's spirituality or religion, God, or the universe, or, or what at the force,

00:25:40.980 I don't know, whatever you want to call it. All right. Living to a higher code and a higher standard

00:25:44.340 is valuable. Learning, uh, developing skills, advancing in your career, reading great books,

00:25:50.080 surrounding yourself with good people, uh, finding hobbies that are engaging and meaningful to you.

00:25:54.880 The more you do these things, the better human being you're going to be. You're going to be a

00:25:59.860 more capable, more well-rounded, more attractive man. And that might attract her. And frankly,

00:26:04.960 it might not, but either way, it's always in your best interest to improve yourself. Now,

00:26:10.500 as I went on that process of improving myself and, and frankly, when my wife and I went through our

00:26:15.840 separation, the reason I started to really work on myself is because I thought our marriage

00:26:19.980 was over. And in my mind, I said to myself, I'm going to make, I'm going to make me the best

00:26:24.760 catch for the next woman to come into my life. And as I started to do that, that's what really

00:26:30.620 drew her attention is he, she saw that I was a man who was, who was growing and evolving and

00:26:36.380 getting better and becoming more capable. And of course, inevitably she's going to be more

00:26:40.960 attracted to that. And other women are going to be more attracted to that as well. So I don't think

00:26:45.860 it's one moment where a woman says, Oh, this is the moment. I think a woman will see that over

00:26:52.520 time and start putting those processes and that step together. And I think just be attracted to

00:26:58.960 that, like, like a moth to the flame. You know what I mean? That's what you want to do. You want

00:27:02.860 to make yourself the flame. All right. Hope that helps. All right. Craig Perkins, how do you stay

00:27:07.900 productive working from home? Uh, especially with the kids being homeschooled. Can you dive into your

00:27:12.080 daily routine? Some yeah, my daily routine and I like routines. I work best under processes and

00:27:17.480 systems and routines are, are good for me. Um, but my, my routine is very simply. I get up, uh,

00:27:24.160 usually about five 30 and I'll go either work out or I'll go train a jujitsu. I'll do one or the other

00:27:29.960 five to six days a week. And then I get home about seven o'clock. Uh, we do family scripture study.

00:27:37.340 We do a quick little family meeting just to make sure all of us are on the same page. Uh, and that

00:27:41.860 we're, we're, we're doing what we need to do. Um, from there we'll have family breakfast and then

00:27:47.940 I'll usually just start getting ready for the day. I come in, uh, I start planning out my day. I use a

00:27:52.500 planner. I it's over there. I get it and show you, but you can check it out at, uh, where's the best

00:27:57.800 place to check it out. You can check it out in the book, order of man.com slash sovereignty. And that

00:28:02.340 actually goes into depth on what I do for my battle planning. Uh, yeah. And then I just attack my day.

00:28:08.600 Now I have very clear boundaries, usually about 10 or 11 o'clock. Um, me and my son and my daughter

00:28:13.340 who started to help lately will, uh, fulfill any orders because we like doing that together. But

00:28:18.140 outside of that, they know if that door is closed, that dad's working. That's a clear expectation that

00:28:22.960 I've set up. They know what that is. I'm done about five 30 every day. And when I'm done, I'm done for

00:28:28.160 the most part and I'm there and I'm present, but communication is the key. Setting the boundaries,

00:28:32.540 establishing what those are, and then communicating those boundaries with the people who are affected

00:28:36.920 and you're affected by is the best way to address this. So being at home is an amazing,

00:28:42.580 amazing thing. It hasn't affected me negatively. If anything, I'm, I'm more productive because I can

00:28:47.780 get here and I can do my work and crank it out. And then I can be home and be present with my family,

00:28:51.520 which is ideally what I want to be doing anyway. So there it is. Jeff Zazie say, I would say

00:28:58.400 Jazzy CA or say, uh, how do you deal with balance? I work 14 plus hours a day, eight on and six off

00:29:05.800 waking up at two to hit the gym before work and home around seven. I'm active to work and wonder

00:29:09.960 if the gym is just killing me. Uh, I only sleep four to six hours and wonder if I should dial back.

00:29:14.740 So my performance at work doesn't suffer. Look, I don't know that working 14 hours a day

00:29:20.080 is sustainable. Now you might need to do that for a period of time. When I was starting order of man in

00:29:26.240 2015 and yeah, beginning of 2015, I would say, uh, I was doing something very similar. I'd wake up

00:29:33.580 two hours early, get two hours of order of man stuff done, go into my financial planning practice,

00:29:39.120 do roughly eight to nine hours there, get home, do the stuff with the family, do another two hours

00:29:44.360 of order of man stuff before I went to bed. And I was exhausted, but I also knew it was temporary

00:29:49.060 and there's seasons to that. So Jeff, what I would suggest dealing with balance, like it's hard to be

00:29:54.000 balanced if that's the type of work that you're putting in. Um, now you're working eight days on six

00:29:59.300 days off. So maybe you get a lot done in those six days off. That's a difficult schedule, but just

00:30:03.780 make it work, you know? And if you feel like you can't do that schedule or it's killing you, then

00:30:08.040 make yourself more valuable. Uh, and, and, and that way you can demand more money for your time.

00:30:15.000 So you're not having to work as much, or you're making more money. Um, as my income has gone up

00:30:19.600 and my hourly rate, if I were to calculate that, uh, has gone up, then I need to work less hours to make

00:30:25.020 the same amount of money, which is a much more effective and efficient way of leading my life.

00:30:28.860 I work to support my family. Uh, that's it. You know, I enjoy what I do. I like what I do,

00:30:34.260 but work in and of itself is not my end goal. My end goal right now is to be the best man that I can

00:30:38.760 be, to be a fully engaged, uh, an intimate, uh, husband to my wife, uh, father to my children.

00:30:45.500 Those are my objectives. Those are my priorities. And so work supports that mission, not the other way

00:30:50.440 around. And it sounds like right now you're heavy with work, which again, might be a season,

00:30:55.020 might be temporary, uh, until you're able to develop the skills and the demand for you so

00:31:00.060 that your income can go up. So your hours can scale back. Hope that helps. Cody. Uh,

00:31:05.520 I don't know if this Baylow or Ballo or Barlow, but Cody says, do you ever feel burned out with

00:31:11.260 the order of man? And if so, uh, do you redefine that purpose and drive to keep it through the slump?

00:31:16.440 I have never felt burned out with order of man. Now, occasionally on a daily basis, I might think,

00:31:21.920 okay, well, I don't want to make a social media post, or I don't want to answer these

00:31:24.580 questions or I don't want to do a podcast or send these emails, but I don't consider that burnout.

00:31:28.720 I just consider that just a little tired with the monotony and mundane tasks and things that

00:31:33.460 need to be accomplished. But you know, I don't ever feel burned out. I'm so connected to the

00:31:37.700 mission of reclaiming and restoring masculinity. I'm so connected to, uh, the good that this is doing.

00:31:43.880 I get messages and emails every day from people who are men specifically who are, uh, achieving

00:31:50.540 promotions and starting businesses and losing weight and reconnecting with their families and

00:31:55.740 engaging with their kids and just living a more fulfilled, meaningful, and significant life that

00:32:00.900 is fuel for me. So I don't get burned out and I don't do a lot of things I don't like to do. I,

00:32:06.040 I delegate those, which is something I've really had to learn and focus on is delegating tasks

00:32:10.620 and getting good at letting other people do the things that a, I don't want to do B I'm not super

00:32:18.580 efficient with and, and see, I guess I don't like. And so I, I bring other people in, in the movement

00:32:24.520 to help me do that. I've got a gentleman, a friend of mine who does all of our assignments and

00:32:30.560 challenges and things like that. And the iron council, we've got Cody who edits a podcast and

00:32:34.460 puts everything up on YouTube. We've got Chris Gatchko who runs events. Joshua Laycock is,

00:32:40.020 is the gentleman who does the assignments. We've got team leaders in the iron council. We've got

00:32:45.400 Drew Kachurik, who is our network manager in the iron council. Like I have people in the right

00:32:50.740 places, Sean Jensen, our store manager. So they're doing these things. So I don't have to do the stuff

00:32:55.960 that I knew I'd get burnt out on. And that way I can focus on doing the podcast and posting on

00:33:00.340 social media and engaging with you guys and being available on the way that's meaningful and

00:33:04.480 significant to me. All right. Artem Kulik. Again, I may have butchered that. If I did,

00:33:09.740 I apologize, but that's what it looks like. I often see the following bits of advice,

00:33:13.460 quote unquote, seek excellence, reject being average, avoid perfection, get it done good

00:33:19.760 enough and deliver it. These two statements seem to be polar opposites of each other. How do you

00:33:24.260 reconcile them in your life? So again, the two quotes are seek excellence, reject being average,

00:33:29.740 and then separately avoid perfectionism and get it done enough to deliver it.

00:33:33.780 I don't know that there's a conflict in those two. I think that you do need to put out a product

00:33:40.480 into the world, whether it's you as an employee or a potential partner to a spouse or a physical

00:33:46.980 product, a product or service that your business happens to be offering. I mean, you want it to be

00:33:51.760 good, of course, but if it never launches, you're, you're not going to do any good or any change in

00:33:57.140 the world. So you should avoid perfectionism, excuse me, uh, get it done good enough and

00:34:03.060 deliver it. And also this is why they're not at odds with each other. And also you should seek

00:34:08.280 excellence and reject being average by continuing to evolve and expand and grow and change and tweak

00:34:14.500 and, and, and, uh, I don't know what the right term is, but just refine, if you will, the product

00:34:22.720 that you're offering to the environment. So you can put something out there that's good enough that

00:34:26.160 we'll get the job done. And in the meantime, you can be working on excellence. You can be working

00:34:31.000 on improving it and it should be worked on. So that's how I reconcile them is look, if I make

00:34:37.680 sure it's perfect and that I'm seeking excellence and I'm not being average, I'm just getting

00:34:42.880 something out there to the degree that I never launched. Well, that's a problem. I'm not going to

00:34:46.920 serve myself or anybody else I'm trying to help. So you have to launch. And then in the meantime,

00:34:52.460 and after enduring, you should be performing and seeking excellence. That's how I, that's

00:34:57.800 how I reconcile the two. That's it for Facebook questions. I think we've got through 10 or 15

00:35:03.160 questions. Uh, I think we've got like half an hour left. So I'm going to go through some of these,

00:35:07.240 uh, some of these iron council questions and we'll see if we can get through everything.

00:35:10.440 All right, here we go. Guys from the iron council. Number one, John Davies. He's been with us for a

00:35:14.380 very, very long time. Glad John is with us on iron council. Honored to call him a brother. Okay.

00:35:19.760 He says, as per the battle planner, what do your meditation and visualization practices consist of?

00:35:26.320 And where do you draw a line and distinction between the two? Uh, I don't really meditate per

00:35:32.160 se. Um, I know that was an example in, I believe it might still be in there. Now I'm a little

00:35:39.580 forgetful on that, or it might be the previous iteration. Either way, I don't do a whole lot of

00:35:44.780 like traditional meditation, but I do visualize. And for me, the visualization process is done on

00:35:51.820 a daily basis. So what am I going to get done today? What does that look like? How am I going

00:35:56.020 to feel? I even did that on the hunt, you know, as I was sitting in the stand and I put cash, I don't

00:36:01.480 know, 25, 30 hours in the stand over the weeks, over the week, excuse me. Uh, I visualized an animal

00:36:07.680 walking out. I visualized me drawing the bow back. I visualized me releasing the arrow. I visualized

00:36:13.960 that arrow going into the animal and then me finding it and the joy and satisfaction and

00:36:18.980 sense of pride that I would feel when that was the case. Now, of course it didn't play

00:36:23.320 out exactly how I wanted it to, but I believe that visualization process is powerful. I used

00:36:28.600 to do that in sports. I would envision myself up to bat or envision myself catching, uh, or

00:36:33.880 in football, envision myself, you know, making an interception or a tackle or blocking a punt.

00:36:39.080 I would, I would try to visualize that as clearly as I could and really tie into the feeling and that

00:36:44.740 idea of consciousness. And that's what that is. That's consciousness. The ability to project

00:36:49.540 ourselves out into a future date and time, and then bring us back to the current reality is a very,

00:36:55.540 very powerful process. So it's not a long drawn out systematic approach. It's very simply,

00:37:00.100 what kind of man do I want to be today? What do I want to get accomplished? What kind of

00:37:04.320 conversations do I want to have? How do I want to be connected with people? And who are those

00:37:08.280 people? And what conversations are we having? And when I look back at the end of the day,

00:37:12.180 what am I looking at? Am I looking at somebody who's successful or did I fail? So I take five,

00:37:17.220 10, 15 minutes tops. And I go through that as often as I can. I also do that before any big project or

00:37:23.120 even a presentation, you know, as I'm going into a presentation and I have a one that's coming up in

00:37:28.700 about a week and then another one in two weeks, I will visualize myself sitting down and having the

00:37:35.040 conversation or standing up on that stage and delivering my words and my message. And that

00:37:39.780 visually, I can't say that visualization process has been powerful for me. All right, Brandon Stull,

00:37:45.860 as we're getting into stoicism, how has stoicism impacted your life? He says lives, Kip's not here.

00:37:50.940 So life. Okay. So what he's talking about is in, in, in the iron council, every single month,

00:37:58.880 we have a discussion based on a subject. So this month is all about leadership and influence. Next

00:38:05.820 month is all about stoicism. I mean, we've done every topic. It seems like imaginable,

00:38:10.480 but we'll continue to come up with new ideas. So moving into November, we're going to be talking

00:38:15.060 about stoicism specifically. The biggest thing about stoicism that has impacted my life is the

00:38:20.280 ability to focus on things that I can control. I mean, that's one of the core tenants of stoicism

00:38:24.500 is focusing on the things that you can control and let everything else go to the best of your ability.

00:38:30.740 That has been powerful for me because I used to get all hyper and upset and worked up over things

00:38:36.180 that were completely beyond my control. And it was a very frustrating way to live because I was always

00:38:41.620 dissatisfied with other people. Uh, I was always upset. I was always on edge. And because I've adopted

00:38:48.060 this idea that there's certain things that are beyond my control, I'm much more likely to,

00:38:54.500 let things slide. And my mood has drastically increased. My level of unnecessary and unhealthy

00:39:03.580 stress has gone down. It's just been a good thing. So if you're interested in stoicism,

00:39:09.420 join us in the iron council, uh, for the month of November, order of man.com slash iron council.

00:39:14.620 I would definitely look into Marcus Aurelius's book meditations. Uh, Ryan holiday has some great books.

00:39:20.320 Uh, ego is the enemy. The obstacle is the way and has newest one on stoicism is stillness is the key.

00:39:27.620 We did an interview with him about three weeks ago. And then of course the daily stoic as well,

00:39:31.960 which is a daily read and a quick lesson per day for every single day of the year. Uh, but that's,

00:39:37.340 that's what has helped me with regards to stoicism. All right, Craig, uh, Kielbasa,

00:39:41.980 which is a cool name, Kielbasa. Uh, I think that's how he says it or pronounces it. How do you come to

00:39:47.760 terms with the fact that sometimes all you can do to help your significant other is listen and

00:39:52.480 there's no physical way to solve the problem? Well, I'm actually glad that you asked this question

00:39:56.380 right after Brandon, because the answer is stoicism. The answer is to know that, look,

00:40:03.060 you don't have to control everything. And there's certain things beyond your control

00:40:07.420 and the way that your wife feels or what she needs from you is beyond your control.

00:40:13.860 So accept that, accept the reality that sometimes she just needs to listen. And that's difficult.

00:40:19.520 All right. It's very, very difficult, especially for a driver, a man who prides himself on taking

00:40:24.860 action and doing work and getting things done and moving the needle and plowing through obstacles,

00:40:29.420 which I would describe myself as, but that doesn't help in a lot of ways and a lot of times.

00:40:36.560 So I've just come to the term, come to terms with through this practice of stoicism that

00:40:42.440 that's beyond my control and what she needs from me in order to be successful and fulfilled

00:40:47.740 and uplifted and edified is sometimes she needs a sounding board. Well, look, if you can't just sit

00:40:54.060 there and shut up and listen for 20 or 30 minutes, I mean, you got some, some big things you got to work

00:40:59.760 on. It's very easy to do that. And I know it can be a challenge at times because you want to fix,

00:41:06.100 but just remember what you want might be irrelevant. What she actually, it might not.

00:41:10.840 What you want is a happy, fulfilled, uplifted wife. So use the tools at your disposal in order

00:41:17.160 to accomplish that objective. And sometimes that means you need to solve problems. And other times

00:41:20.960 it means you need to shut up. And if you want her to be happy and fulfilled and uplifted and,

00:41:25.000 and, and, and be engaged with you and serve you the way that, that your relationship works,

00:41:30.200 then that's what you're going to have to do. And that's the tool that you're going to have to use.

00:41:33.920 Hope it helps Jim Barna. What are your thoughts on letting your kids beat you at sports or competitive

00:41:39.160 things like that? Uh, when they become teens, do you ever tank it or hold back to give them

00:41:44.100 confidence? Yeah, I think so. You know, I think there's a lot of tough guys out there. It's like,

00:41:47.940 I'm never going to let my kid win. Well, okay. Then you're going to have a kid who is

00:41:53.340 competitive to a fault, right? Cause they just want to dominate and beat and win,

00:41:58.660 or you're just going to break that child down completely. So yeah, I'm not, you know, my,

00:42:04.960 my kids, my, my, my, let's see. No, I was rolling with all of them, all four kids. We have

00:42:09.160 like five mattresses in the front and we just leave them out there. Cause we like to do

00:42:13.180 WrestleMania and roll and, and just play games on it and stuff like that. So we're out there last

00:42:17.180 night. Well, I'm not going to physically dominate all my kids. Like how fun would that be? Now,

00:42:22.820 sometimes I am because I can see that that pushes them and that challenges them, especially my

00:42:27.520 oldest two where they're getting older and they want to like pit themselves against me. Well,

00:42:31.520 I'm going to challenge them. And other times, you know, it's not about challenging them. It's not

00:42:36.240 about that hardcore competitiveness. Sometimes it's just about enjoying and being present and letting

00:42:42.040 them win. Now I'm not going to make it so obvious that it seems like it's patronizing. Cause I think if

00:42:47.460 you take a tank, a game on purpose, then a child's going to see that. You certainly see that when

00:42:51.420 somebody tanks on you and they're going to, they're going to find it demeaning and demoralizing.

00:42:56.800 So I'll give you an example of this. Pete Roberts, a lot of you guys know who that is. And I've talked

00:43:01.020 about him quite a bit cause he's a friend and somebody I admire and respect. He's the founder

00:43:05.120 of origin and he is my jujitsu instruction instructor. So when I go roll jujitsu, I occasionally

00:43:16.160 roll against him and other people as well. But look, when I roll against Pete, he could dominate

00:43:21.940 me at any given moment at any given time. And I'm fully aware of that. But how does that serve me?

00:43:28.760 Like if all he did was just like completely destroy and throw now, granted, he will do that

00:43:34.120 when the situation calls for it. And I've seen him do that. Like one night, I went in like really,

00:43:38.760 really frustrated about something else entirely unrelated. And he's like, all right, man, let's roll.

00:43:43.300 And he went a lot harder on me that day because he recognized that's what I needed. And then there's

00:43:48.260 other days where he lets me try things to a degree. And then he, then he submits me from there.

00:43:53.280 So he's not going all out because he's serving, he's serving me. And we as, as men and fathers and

00:44:00.980 husbands are serving our, our children and our spouses and the people in our neighborhoods and

00:44:06.700 communities. And sometimes that means you need to go all out. And sometimes if you have a servant heart

00:44:11.520 and the desire to lead and serve these people effectively, it means that you didn't need to

00:44:15.240 scale back, not to let them win. That's not the purpose of scaling back. It's to let them build up

00:44:21.880 what they need. Maybe it's a skillset or the mental confidence to continue to drive forward. But if all

00:44:27.280 you're doing is dominating, that's an arrogance thing. That's an ego thing. I used to be that way.

00:44:32.020 I used to think this is the way, cause I'm never going to tank it. And then what am I teaching him?

00:44:36.160 Well, yeah, there's certain, like if I'm coaching a bait, my son's baseball team, for example,

00:44:41.360 and we're, we're playing another team, I'm not going to tell my team to hold up, to hold back.

00:44:47.780 Cause what am I teaching him? But if we're going together and, and, and they're trying to grow and

00:44:52.200 develop, yeah, I'm not going to, I'm not going to crush them. That's, that seems ridiculous to me.

00:44:56.540 It didn't used to, but it does now as I think I've matured. It is. It's just a level of maturity.

00:45:01.040 All right. Uh, Nicholas bean, what one habit have you incorporated to get rid, uh, to get,

00:45:06.400 excuse me, right with yourself on the longterm and implement incremental change, daily planning,

00:45:12.340 daily planning. We've talked about the battle planner quite a bit here in this podcast.

00:45:15.780 And I think we talk about it on every, ask me anything. It's the 12 week battle planner guys.

00:45:20.920 If there's one thing that you can do to improve your life, it's to carve out five, 10, 15, 20 minutes

00:45:26.480 tops every single day and do your plan. And I don't care if it's the

00:45:30.520 12 week battle planner, or we talked about Andy Frisilla earlier. I think he has his power list.

00:45:35.740 There's all kinds of programs out there. Maybe you create your own, but find one that works for you

00:45:41.400 and carve out again, five, 10, 15, 20 minutes every single day without fail. Uh, and you will set

00:45:49.400 yourself up for success. If you're consistent with it, you, you, you do it religiously. You follow it.

00:45:54.860 You do your after action review. You're going to be successful. You'd have a hard time not being

00:45:59.940 successful. If that was the thing that you did. All right, Dave and Nick Nicholas knows that

00:46:04.240 because he's an iron council and that's what we do. That's what we talk about. And it's funny

00:46:07.500 because, and I'm not suggesting Nick thinks this, but a lot of guys will say, well, what else you got?

00:46:12.200 What else? I'm not going to give you anything else. Cause just do that. And if you do that for 90

00:46:18.060 days, if you do your 12 week battle plan for 90 days and it doesn't work for you, I would be shocked.

00:46:22.340 First of all, that's all I'll say. I'd be shocked. It's going to work. If you follow it to the T for

00:46:28.320 90 days, you're going to be better off. Sometimes we're always looking for the latest and the greatest

00:46:31.900 and the exciting and everything else. Sometimes you just need to do what you know you need to do.

00:46:36.060 Dave Stewart, what are your thoughts on weed? Lately? I see it everywhere. Everyone posting

00:46:40.320 about it, talking about it, doing it. I have no desire to touch the stuff, but it seems like every

00:46:43.960 single person I see is these days. I don't, I mean, I don't smoke pot, but I just,

00:46:51.120 I don't think it's conducive to a, to a healthy life. I don't. I think if you're medicating yourself

00:46:56.360 in any capacity, whether it's, it's caffeine consumption, which guys get tapped into that

00:47:02.220 just as bad or alcohol or pornography or gambling or drug use, I think that's a mistake. I, I personally

00:47:11.680 want to be clear and level-headed at all times. Uh, and I, frankly, I don't enjoy the way I feel when I,

00:47:17.840 when I was, when I was younger, I smoked weed, not a lot, but a little bit. I didn't like being out of

00:47:23.700 control. I didn't like that like weird time thing, or I didn't know when I said what, like it was

00:47:29.100 weird to me. It just didn't feel good. So, I mean, if you want to smoke pot or eat a brownie or

00:47:36.500 whatever, has some edibles, I mean, it's all the power to you, I guess, but for me, it doesn't serve

00:47:41.620 me well. It doesn't push me in the direction I want to go. Um, it's not conducive to the goals that I'm

00:47:46.720 after same as alcohol, same as these other things. And so I, I choose to stay away from them. I choose

00:47:52.220 to avoid them and move towards things that do like reading and exercising. And now you can do those

00:47:58.220 things if you happen to smoke pot as well. But again, it's just a matter of what works for you.

00:48:02.920 I think we'll see more and more of it as it continues to become more popular, mainstream and

00:48:07.080 legalized. Um, but I don't think it's good. I don't think it's good. Now, some people are arguing,

00:48:13.520 well, it's good for medicinal purposes and it's good for that. Look, if, if it is, and that's

00:48:17.380 truly the case and there's scientific research that backs that up then, and you utilize it for

00:48:21.780 that. Cool. Do that. But if you're using that as an excuse, well, I mean, you know, right, you know,

00:48:29.980 if you just are looking for an excuse or there's a legitimate reason for your, your drug use, same

00:48:34.560 thing with prescriptions, you know, do I take an Advil or, or, or a Tylenol? Yeah. Or a painkiller. If

00:48:40.520 I'm after a surgery or something, yeah, of course, of course I would. But if I'm using it to escape

00:48:47.040 my current reality, okay, that's a problem. So again, I think it's just how you're utilizing it.

00:48:52.920 Roger Taylor. Uh, thank you for the guidance and encouragement that helped me to successfully run

00:48:56.860 my first marathon this month and check that accomplishment off my bucket list. Well done,

00:49:00.720 Roger. Awesome. He's his next on his list to start the new decade, uh, by earning a Spartan

00:49:06.240 trifecta in 2020. It'd be awesome to work with other men who have a similar goal.

00:49:11.260 Uh, how would you feel if I created an order of man training group on the free Strava fitness app?

00:49:17.660 I actually think there is one Roger. Um, you can look and, and, and search for that, but I think

00:49:23.020 that'd be great. That's no problem at all. And again, I think there is one, so just search for it.

00:49:26.980 And if not, um, you know, maybe I can create it in that way we can make sure everybody gets invited

00:49:31.780 and et cetera, et cetera. But yeah, I think men banding together towards common objectives and goals

00:49:37.220 that are worthy and worthwhile is awesome. And I of course have no problem with that, but check,

00:49:41.260 it might already be there. Just search for order of man. I think it's how you do it. And or iron

00:49:45.360 council one might be there as well. All right, Brian Lee, what are some of the attitudes you see men

00:49:49.460 fall prey to that have become mainstream and popular for one good reason or the other, excuse me, not good

00:49:54.380 reason, just one reason or the other, uh, but may actually hold men back from growth or do them more

00:49:59.600 harm than good. Simple victimhood. It's the victim mentality. Oh, my wife is this. Oh, my boss is this.

00:50:07.180 Oh, the president is all the economies that, Oh, I wasn't raised, right? Oh, I have this medical

00:50:11.340 condition. All I see in here is, is, is victimhood and complaining. And the reason that life is so hard

00:50:18.540 is because this person in this situation, in this circumstance, it's ridiculous. I've never understood

00:50:24.480 why someone would deliberately and intentionally place themselves in the category of victim.

00:50:28.860 That's a weak position. It's a weak position to choose victim. Now you might actually be a victim

00:50:34.700 of circumstances, right? Let's, let's get that clear. There, there might be some circumstances

00:50:39.500 where you truly are the victim. And if that's the case, then resolve to get better, resolve to make

00:50:45.760 yourself better, strive to improve your life, improve your capabilities and your capacity. So you

00:50:51.700 don't find yourself in that situation anymore. But if you're living in a perpetual state of woe is me

00:50:57.100 and everybody and everything is after me, then you're not going to live the life that you want.

00:51:01.620 Or actually, maybe you are going to live the life that you want. Maybe you're justifying and

00:51:05.740 rationalizing your mediocrity. I can't tell you if you are, nobody knows for sure. But I think if you

00:51:14.180 really searched your soul, you would know, you would know. He also says examples might be having an

00:51:20.740 attitude of my way or the highway. Great. When you are right, really bad when you are wrong,

00:51:24.520 or that's an, that's an arrogance thing, by the way. So that's definitely a trap or quote,

00:51:30.240 unquote, I am who I am. So if I don't, you don't like it, you can go F yourself. Definitely another

00:51:34.860 arrogance thing, right? Cause guys will say, well, it's just the way that I am. This is just the way

00:51:40.280 that I communicate. If you don't like it and tough, you know? Okay. Well, maybe in certain

00:51:44.300 circumstances that would work, but if you're trying to rally and inspire and lead other people,

00:51:48.220 shame on you, if that's your attitude, because you're a human being, which means that you're

00:51:53.320 capable of learning new skills and developing new language and, and trying new strategies to lead

00:52:00.060 and inspire other people. And if you're like, this is my way or the highway, you're not going to get

00:52:04.980 people bought into your vision and your goal. And you're not being a leader. You're more likely being

00:52:08.780 a dictator or a tyrant. And that's only going to work for so long before a mutiny is afoot. And, uh,

00:52:15.440 and, and you find yourself in a bad situation. He also says with extreme ownership in mind,

00:52:20.380 are men at all responsible for the decline and respect for masculinity due to these types of

00:52:24.220 attitudes? Sure. And that's not the only factor, but yeah, yeah, of course. Cause there's men out

00:52:31.160 there who have these types of attitudes. There's certainly a loss of morality in men, generally

00:52:38.140 speaking. Uh, and, and all of that contributes to the way that we are perceived. You know, if one person

00:52:44.380 has a bad experience, whether it's fair or not is irrelevant, whether you like it or not is

00:52:48.360 irrelevant. But if somebody has a bad experience with a man, then they're going to more generally

00:52:54.600 or, or tend to look at all men as that. So we, we have a, we have a responsibility in this

00:53:00.400 to improve ourselves. And we are you guys that are listening and tuning in and watching, uh, again,

00:53:06.900 I'm getting emails and responses from you and they're uplifting and it's edifying and it's inspiring.

00:53:11.620 And it's very cool to see that you're taking responsibility for it. And, and there's a

00:53:17.260 select few people, uh, in, in the Facebook group and around who rather than lifting themselves up

00:53:24.820 and taking at least some responsibility, some ownership, not all of it, but at least doing

00:53:29.480 what they can do. Instead, they choose to say, society is out to get me. And, and I'm, I'm,

00:53:35.180 I'm not doing this anymore and screw everybody else. And of course that attitude is, well, it's,

00:53:41.540 it's, well, it's a bad attitude, but it's just, it's not going to help you win. It's not what men

00:53:45.560 do. Men take responsibility. I hear a lot of guys who will say things like, you know, like, well,

00:53:50.940 society's rejected. So I'm, I'm just rejecting all of society. It's like, well, what are you going

00:53:54.880 to do? Live like a hermit? Like, are you going to, are you going to seal yourself in a bunker

00:53:59.800 for the rest of your life? Like, like, how do you, how do you anticipate living and operating

00:54:06.660 in society as, as this hermit, somebody who's completely enclosed themselves and close themselves

00:54:11.940 off to the goodness of other people, the tremendous opportunities that we have? Are there some things

00:54:18.780 that need to be worked on? Yeah, you bet. I mean, the family court system is one that comes to mind

00:54:23.400 and some guys will say, well, screw that. I'm not, I'm not doing that. Like there's nothing I can do.

00:54:27.700 And it's not my responsibility. Okay. Well, if that's the attitude that you want to have,

00:54:32.380 then expect much of the same. I think it's a battle worth fighting for, which is why we're

00:54:37.580 doing order of man. I think reclaiming and restoring masculinity and us stepping up as the

00:54:43.000 men that we're capable of becoming is a worthy cause. And that's why I've been doing it for five

00:54:47.000 years. And that's why I'm doing this podcast. And that's why I'm trying to enlist more men into what

00:54:51.680 we're doing. So yes, we have a part to play and we have some responsibility to bear. And that's a

00:54:58.500 good thing. It's a good thing because if we have a part to play, it means we can fix that part of

00:55:04.120 it. We can rectify that part of it. We can improve that situation collectively. We can do it together.

00:55:10.280 But if all we think is that the world is out to get us and there's nothing we can do about it,

00:55:13.900 nothing changes. In fact, it only gets worse. And I think it's moving that direction. And so I wish

00:55:18.960 more men were enlisted in the responsibility of reclaiming and restoring masculinity. I mean,

00:55:23.600 we see some horrific and ridiculous, ridiculous things out there of what, you know, there's that

00:55:29.720 magazine GQ that they just came out with called the new masculinity as if there's some new version

00:55:36.300 of masculinity that's going to be more effective than the masculinity that served mankind for tens of

00:55:43.120 thousands of years. It's ridiculous. You know, and what's being taught in the school system and

00:55:48.500 in this gender dysphoria and the confusion about what it means to be a man and what it means to be

00:55:53.560 a woman. And this, this push to make men, men more feminine and women, more masculine in the

00:55:58.760 transgender thing with sports. I mean, this, this stuff is permeating every fabric of society and we

00:56:05.880 can reject it and dismiss it and go crawl and slink away into some corner and just like live our life,

00:56:11.100 I guess, but it's, it's not good. It's not good. So I'm going to be engaged and take the

00:56:17.880 responsibility that I can, that I, that I own, that I should have and do something about it,

00:56:22.460 which is what order of man is all about. Whoo guys got through all the questions today in less

00:56:28.260 than an hour. I know it wasn't as funny because Kip wasn't here. He's the comedic relief. I tend to be a

00:56:33.380 little bit more serious. I understand that of myself and I've come to terms with that. Anyways,

00:56:38.540 that's all I've got guys. I really appreciate you listening in. I hope that I was able to

00:56:42.620 answer some of the questions that you had and that you're walking away with some new thoughts,

00:56:47.080 some new perspectives and ideas about some of these questions and more. We'll be back of course,

00:56:51.960 on Friday for our Friday field notes. If you're interested in asking these questions, join our

00:56:57.080 Facebook group, facebook.com slash group slash order of man, join the iron council order of man.com

00:57:02.900 slash iron council. If you're interested in some merchandise, great way to support what we're doing here

00:57:07.520 and look good in the process. Then you can go to store.orderofman.com. I think that's it.

00:57:13.960 We've got, I want to say we've got five spots left for our main event, which is May 29th through the

00:57:21.580 31st, 2020. You can go to order of man.com slash main event. I think that's it. All right, guys,

00:57:27.340 we're going to call it a day. Appreciate the questions. Appreciate you being on this path. If you

00:57:30.480 would do this share, okay, share. That's what I need you to do. I just did a little monologue riff

00:57:35.740 about why it's so important. We engage in this battle of reclaiming and restoring masculinity.

00:57:39.340 I ask, as I continue to put this content out, I ask that you continue to share it with friends

00:57:45.720 and brothers and colleagues and coworkers and other men who we need to enlist in this battle.

00:57:49.820 We need to get them to our side, not general society side. Okay. So do that. Please also check

00:57:56.280 us out on YouTube. If you're not already, I think we're at 82, 81,000 subscribers, and we are

00:58:02.420 making a push to get to 100,000 subscribers. So please go there and subscribe. That would mean

00:58:07.360 a lot to me as well. And of course you'd get to see my smiling face. All right, guys, that's all

00:58:12.080 I've got. Go out there, take action, become a man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the

00:58:17.040 order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant

00:58:22.060 to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - October 30, 2019

Strategies for Overcoming Burnout, What Your Style Says About You, and Attitudes that Kill Success ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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