Order of Man - Strategies for Recovering "Nice Guys," Why Fighting Can Make You a Better Man, and Pros and Cons of Affirmations

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Mr. Kip Sorensen, what's up man? Good to see you brother.

00:00:26.980 Good to see you man. I know I say this all the time, but like I really look for it. I don't

00:00:33.140 think guys realize what this call does for us. It's so good for us. Agree.

00:00:39.960 Like as silly as it would be, even if there wasn't a podcast and no YouTube channel and you're like,

00:00:46.440 hey Kip, let's do an AMA every Tuesday and we'll talk through stuff. I'd be like, yeah, let's do it.

00:00:51.300 That's awesome. I would totally do it if no one is listening.

00:00:54.640 I know man. I tell people like I personally am the biggest recipient of order of man movement.

00:01:02.240 And maybe that's because I'm the, the least qualified person to talk about this stuff.

00:01:07.740 But quite honestly, man, like the, the, the conversations that you and I have, the type

00:01:12.680 of conversations I have with other individuals. I was just telling you this afternoon, I get to

00:01:17.420 record with Donald Cowboy Cerrone, which is a man that, man, I have respected that guy for years and

00:01:24.920 years and years. So yeah, you know, we talk about it and say, we like serving and helping other people,

00:01:31.040 but it's like selfish too, for sure.

00:01:34.260 Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I, uh, in fact, regarding Cerrone, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to,

00:01:39.900 I'm going to text you later. I'll text you the fight who, who he was fighting, but possibly the

00:01:45.640 best combo in MMA history. Yeah. I know exactly what it is. I know what it is. It's like a one,

00:01:52.700 two. And then I think like a, like a low leg kick or something to the head.

00:01:55.980 Yeah. And then followed up with a straight, right. It was best combo ever. It was like a move B and

00:02:02.240 I was like, man, Holy crap. That was beautiful. And so I'm curious, like, was he working on that

00:02:08.600 combo? The whole, like, was that, that just happened or was that part of his camp? You know

00:02:15.020 what I mean? I'm really curious, but you know, who else I'm impressed with is Ortega. Did you see

00:02:19.960 Ortega fight the Korean zombie this, this past weekend? Yeah. I mean, he's a jujitsu player,

00:02:25.380 but Holy cow. Like he is leveled up his game and become, you know, multi multi-dimensional,

00:02:32.960 lots of different facets to him as well, which is actually really, that's why I like UFC is

00:02:37.520 I like the fighting aspect. I like the physicality, but I love the mastery. I love pitting one guy

00:02:43.480 against another in this cage where nobody can hide. Nobody can run. All of your training is on full

00:02:50.020 display, whether you did it or whether you didn't, there's nowhere to hide. And it's very,

00:02:55.040 very, as a, as a former high school wrestler and now getting involved in jujitsu, it's very scary,

00:03:01.260 but I just believe there's so much to be learned on the mats about being a man. And so to see Ortega

00:03:07.880 and the way that he fought that match, which was different than what you would traditionally expect,

00:03:14.000 man, absolutely incredible fight. Yeah. And then the respect, did you see the respect afterwards? Like

00:03:19.140 bowing to each other, Korean zombie slapped him in the face, right? Like just the level of respect

00:03:25.200 was, it was just cool. Like it was really cool to see. And what's interesting is how many of us can

00:03:31.520 be violent like that and still respect your opponent. Most people can't, their egos are in

00:03:38.080 the way. Screw that guy. Overly emotional. Yeah. Overly emotional. I mean, I don't know. And the grit,

00:03:43.540 like if you think of Cerrone is like, how many times has he taken a fight with like zero notice?

00:03:49.000 No time. And he's like, yeah, put me in the cage. I'm ready. Like the no prep, but that's some,

00:03:55.400 like that represents what kind of guy he is. Right. He's like a guy of action. He's like, Oh,

00:04:00.540 you know what? I'm down. You know, I'm not going to overthink this. I'm ready. I'm prepared. You know?

00:04:05.620 So I don't know. It's, it's pretty amazing. It's amazing. So getting, well, I mean, let's make sure

00:04:13.260 we have the conversation first, right? Cause that's one of those things, you know, when people put on

00:04:17.360 there, cause look, I've had things fall through, you know, especially people who, who have some

00:04:22.040 notoriety, you know, they get busy and they get other offers and things. So I've had things fall

00:04:25.640 through, but it reminds me of, you know, somebody posts on their, their social media profile of like,

00:04:30.840 I'm going to run a marathon in three months. And everybody's like, congratulations. You're so amazing.

00:04:35.460 It's like, well, you just typed in some, some words on the computer. Like you actually didn't

00:04:40.120 do any, you haven't even started training yet. So let's not celebrate before, before we're actually

00:04:44.860 there. So I hope it works out, man. It's like, great job on 75 hard when you're on day five,

00:04:49.700 you're like, well, you know, I'm going to do it. Oh, good decision. Well, okay. You know,

00:04:55.300 I mean, there's something to be said for making good decisions. There's infinitely more to be said

00:04:59.600 about following through on them. So, well, I'm sure it will go well, or at least my hope is that it

00:05:04.840 will go well, but I'm sure I'm not the only one looking forward to that interview. That'll be

00:05:08.980 great. It's you know, it's a lot like movies. I know about myself when you would actually go to

00:05:14.060 a movie theater. I don't think people do that anymore over the last year. You'd be really hyped

00:05:19.580 up on this movie and you'd watch it. And it was horrible. Just absolutely horrible. And the movie

00:05:24.540 probably wasn't that bad. You just hyped it up in your mind. But if you just go in with zero

00:05:29.900 expectations, and this is what I've tried to do just in life in general, just go in with zero

00:05:34.040 expectations, downplay the expectations, minimize them, then you're always pleasantly surprised.

00:05:39.860 And that's like, seemed to work pretty well for me. So, and that's what we all should have done for

00:05:45.220 all the star Wars movies ever since, you know, 1981. Holy cow. You're no joke. Disney has absolutely

00:05:52.620 murder that, uh, that franchise, but yeah, save that one for another day. We'll talk about star

00:06:02.300 Wars for all you nerds. You nerds. I think you fall into that same camp. Cause I actually don't

00:06:08.040 know much of it. If you did a star Wars trivia with me, I would fail miserably. I'd probably nerd

00:06:14.200 out. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you would. All right. Is that a star Wars shirt you have on? Actually,

00:06:20.040 it looks like a star Wars shirt. Oh, it's iron council. Oh, got it. Yeah. All right. Let's go

00:06:26.200 to the questions, man. All right. So our first questions, we're going to field from the iron

00:06:30.680 council. As you guys know, that's our exclusive brotherhood to learn us, to learn more or to join

00:06:35.820 us in the iron council, go to order of man.com slash iron council. These are exclusive to the

00:06:41.360 iron council today. Correct? Correct. I don't, I don't think we have some backups from our Facebook

00:06:46.280 group, which is facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. But, uh, we have quite a bit from

00:06:51.480 the IC, so we may not get to Facebook today. Let's do it. All right. Daniel Fox. Hey, Ryan,

00:06:58.020 curious on your thoughts on how to balance Brazilian jujitsu and lifting program as far as getting enough

00:07:03.900 recovery. You know, I actually don't, I correct me if I'm wrong, Kip. I actually don't need a lot of,

00:07:11.120 a whole lot of jujitsu recovery time. I got, I don't, I, I used to for sure, but now I, you know,

00:07:18.540 I'm four days a week. I don't, I mean, I get a little sore. My, my buddy Brody got me in a

00:07:24.780 Kimura the other day and I tapped a little later than I should have. Yeah. And actually I think it

00:07:29.640 was in America and it was Americana. I tapped a little later than I should have. And I heard a pop

00:07:33.900 in my elbow and I was like, Oh no. Cause I wasn't worried about my elbow. I was worried about not

00:07:40.840 being able to train and I was like, Oh no. So I tapped and you could tell he was like, dude,

00:07:46.940 are you okay? I heard a pop. I mean, it was, it was audible and I was like, and it didn't hurt at

00:07:52.800 all. It didn't hurt. Yeah. And I was like, Oh no. Just tight. And then super tight. And then that

00:07:57.460 afternoon it like seized up and it was really painful. It took some joint warfare, took some Tylenol.

00:08:03.140 The next day it was like 95%. So I'm fine. Yeah. But outside of like things like that,

00:08:08.940 you know, maybe a little elbow soreness, knee soreness, joints, fingers, things like that.

00:08:14.500 I actually don't need a whole lot of recovery from jujitsu. Do you, I haven't noticed that I've

00:08:18.800 needed a whole lot. No, but I think it's, it's about your schedule, right? Like I used to play

00:08:24.460 basketball every week. If I go play basketball to right now, I'm going to be a dead man tomorrow.

00:08:29.620 Yeah, for sure. But when I'm playing every week or when you're

00:08:33.120 doing jujitsu four days a week, after so many weeks, you, your recovery window reduces.

00:08:38.120 But if you like haven't trained for six months and all of a sudden you go into the gym, are

00:08:41.980 you going to be sore? Yeah, for sure. So I think it's about creating that schedule and

00:08:46.940 consistency and then your recovery isn't as critical. That's what I, that's my thoughts.

00:08:50.840 I also think there's a difference too. And you've talked about this between weight training

00:08:57.080 and jujitsu in that when you're weight training, or at least when I am, I'm trying to muscle

00:09:03.620 everything, right? Obviously, of course there's, there's technique and there's form, but you're

00:09:07.880 trying to use your muscles to move weight that you're incapable of moving, you know, like

00:09:14.760 that's the whole point to make yourself more capable of lifting heavier weight. But with

00:09:18.740 jujitsu, that's not what you're trying to do. You're actually trying to make things easier.

00:09:23.500 So what's interesting, I don't know if you remember this a couple of years ago at immersion

00:09:27.100 camp, Jocko was talking and he said, he's actually a lazy jujitsu player. Well, if you

00:09:34.480 know Jocko, he's anything but lazy. Like that's not one word you would ever think to describe

00:09:39.900 him. And yet that's the word he intentionally decided to use when it came to jujitsu, which

00:09:45.640 is very telling. So you're not trying to muscle everything. You're actually trying to make

00:09:50.500 it easier. How can I submit this person easier? How can I move myself from under this individual

00:09:57.720 easier without having to use as much muscle? That's why you talk about the slight, you know,

00:10:04.380 when people say, Oh man, you're really strong. It's like the insult in any other context, you'd

00:10:10.600 be like, thank you. But in jujitsu, you don't, I mean, it's good to be strong for sure. But the

00:10:15.740 whole idea is, Hey, you're really, you're really technical or you're really good. Yeah. That would

00:10:20.540 be a better compliment than you're really strong. Right. Yeah. You're really strong means, you know,

00:10:24.920 your strength gave me a problem, not your technique. Yeah. I was laughing today. I don't know what it

00:10:30.660 is. And if Brody's listening, I'm going to call him out a little bit. I don't know what it is. I

00:10:34.360 think he was just tired or whatever. I just, I pressure tapped him today. And just from side

00:10:40.340 control side control. Yeah. Just to put a ton of pressure in the right place. And I think he was,

00:10:46.020 I think he was tired or something. Yeah. And, uh, and he's like, dude, I shouldn't have tapped

00:10:51.560 to that. I'm like, well, no, you shouldn't have tapped to that. And also I shouldn't just lay on

00:10:57.240 you. Back to the question though. Yeah. I trained four days a week. Uh, I live, how often are you

00:11:07.440 lifting? Yeah. Three to four days a week. Uh, so it's a, it's a, it is a strength training

00:11:14.020 program, but my trainer Josiah Novak really knows that my priority is jujitsu. So he's built a

00:11:20.940 program around being more resilient with jujitsu as opposed to just getting, you know, jacked for

00:11:28.380 like power lifting. That's not what I'm doing right now or ever. I probably won't ever do that

00:11:33.100 because it just doesn't fit into what I'm trying to accomplish. So would you say some of that comes

00:11:37.820 into play? Would some of that come into play? You think like the fact that you're lifting

00:11:42.100 differently, like, do you think if you're doing traditional bodybuilding lifts that

00:11:45.580 maybe the recovery would be more difficult or no? Yeah, no, I do because I tend to be somebody

00:11:51.340 who's like pretty tight anyways. Yeah. And I don't do a whole lot of stretching. I don't feel like I'm

00:11:57.060 very mobile or at least as mobile as I could be. So yeah, if I was doing a bunch of like super heavy

00:12:04.480 weights and I just don't feel like it would help my game. I'd rather be more nimble, better, you

00:12:12.060 know, flexibility, mobility. I think all of that stuff is more important than getting huge. Like,

00:12:18.440 but again, I'm not saying one's better than the other. It just depends on what you're after.

00:12:21.940 Yeah. And I was never a CrossFitter. So I don't know how much of this like goes into CrossFit.

00:12:27.600 Oh, CrossFit's great for it from my perspective.

00:12:30.160 Yeah. Because it's about reps, right? It's not always about burnout. It's about longevity,

00:12:37.020 strength, and repetition, not just about like, what was your PR and, you know, that's it. And then you

00:12:43.840 move on. Yeah. I mean, the PRs are important for sure, but you got to think most of the workouts,

00:12:49.620 and I haven't done CrossFit for a very long time. So actually since we moved out here,

00:12:52.580 but most of the workouts are going to be somewhere between the 15 to 25 minute range,

00:12:57.800 which is perfect for jujitsu, right? Cause you're going hard. You're going super hard for a little

00:13:03.200 bit, you know, eight, five to eight, 10 minutes. And then you take a break another five, eight,

00:13:07.140 10 minutes, then take a break another five, eight, 10 minutes. So it's, it's perfect for that type of

00:13:11.580 conditioning. That's why I really like CrossFit, you know, as a combo of what, what you're doing here,

00:13:17.500 but I don't, I don't think power lifting is, is the, is complimentary, but strength training,

00:13:24.000 conditioning, cardio. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Copy. All right. Thomas Campbell. I just wanted to give

00:13:30.740 you guys a shout out for using your platform to promote such influence and change among men in

00:13:35.900 a world that needs men to stand up more now than ever. Thank you guys. Thanks. Yeah. It's good to,

00:13:43.140 it's good to hear that because I get stuff on social media all the time. That is the antithesis

00:13:48.720 of what Thomas just said. So I'm glad to hear there's a few of you who believe we're doing the

00:13:53.760 right thing and doing good things. And you know what, here's the deal. Even if you didn't think

00:13:57.520 that I don't care, I'm still doing it. So it doesn't matter to me, but I do appreciate the

00:14:02.120 vote of confidence and the complimentary words for sure. Copy Matthew bar. I recently moved to a new

00:14:10.000 city and state for work and I'm now on my own. I'm not sure if what he means by on his own,

00:14:15.000 maybe he's a younger guy, uh, behind finding a church and an apartment, what kinds of things

00:14:19.820 would you recommend looking into to get situated? I tried to take a peek through these, uh, through

00:14:25.680 these questions before we jumped on and I got distracted and got busy with something else. So

00:14:29.540 there's a podcast I did about a year and a half ago, and I can't even remember frankly,

00:14:34.800 the title of it, but I think it's, you know, something like building a tribe in a new environment

00:14:40.360 or like something along those lines. Yeah. Yeah. So it was when we moved out here. So we moved out

00:14:48.700 here in June or July of 2019. So like I said, about a year and a half ago or so go back. And I wish I

00:14:56.700 had the episode number. I don't, or the date, I don't have it, but go back June, July, August,

00:15:01.700 somewhere in there of last year. And you're going to find an episode that I actually dive into this

00:15:06.800 very question for 30 minutes. But what you're saying is so, so important. And I'm glad that

00:15:11.980 you're aware of it because a lot of guys, they just won't, or they'll play passive. They're wait

00:15:16.680 for people to come to them or wait for things to happen, you know, but there are opportunities to

00:15:21.700 embed yourself and entrench yourself in a new environment, but you have to be deliberate and

00:15:26.000 intentional about it. You can't be passive about it because if you are, I think it will still happen.

00:15:31.140 It will just take significantly longer to happen. So what I would suggest, you said church. I think

00:15:37.080 that's a great resource because those people obviously have the same types of values that you

00:15:41.880 do. And you're going to find people who are encouraged to be friendly and outgoing. So all of

00:15:47.820 that plays in your favor, but I would also find some hobbies that you really enjoy. Again, we'll go back

00:15:53.700 to jujitsu or training or hiking or photography or building a website or whatever, you know, whatever

00:16:01.900 your thing is, then look for those individuals. You can tap into a community center that might have

00:16:08.820 access to these types of things or tell you when these types of courses and programs are becoming

00:16:13.780 available. Start a Facebook group. You know, if it were, and I didn't do this, but here's just one

00:16:19.220 suggestion is start a Facebook group for people in your area that centers around a particular interest.

00:16:28.220 Let's take hiking, for example, just take initiative, just start it. And you are going to turn into one

00:16:34.100 person and you two are going to turn into five and then 20 and then 50 and so on. But again, it's about

00:16:40.160 you taking initiative to do it. So another great resource is rotary, those types of, or any charitable

00:16:47.800 organizations or clubs, lions, Kiwanis, Rotary, a business network international. If you're revolved

00:16:55.280 around business chamber of commerce, these are all places that you can go where you're going to find

00:17:00.060 other highly successful men who are motivated and ambitious and are actually trying to network with

00:17:07.200 other people who are doing the same thing. So there's five or six resources. And if you did that

00:17:14.320 every week, you'd be off to the races. No doubt. No doubt. Yeah. So I, I grabbed a couple,

00:17:18.640 I did a quick search for tribe on the order man podcast. Oh yeah. And I think I, yeah, I think so.

00:17:24.880 So you have one, um, building a thriving, a thriving tribe is a Friday field note. Yeah, that might be it.

00:17:32.960 Um, that was a Friday field note one zero four, at least on my phone. Oh yeah. It was a long time

00:17:41.220 ago. So probably wasn't that one. Okay. There's another building a tribe and developing confidence

00:17:46.640 and that's Friday field note one zero three. Maybe not. It's there. Just type in tribe or band of

00:17:55.540 brothers. Steven Mansfield's got some good stuff on band of brothers. He's got a little book. It's a

00:17:59.640 short, excuse me, a short little read called building your band of brothers. That's a powerful

00:18:03.860 one. So there, or just listen to every episode and then you wouldn't have any questions. Everything

00:18:08.920 would be addressed. I mean, that's, that's the real issue here is why don't you already know that

00:18:13.520 we recorded this podcast a year and a half ago? That's the real issue that we need to address here.

00:18:18.600 The elephant in the room right here is you don't listen to every episode. Come on, man.

00:18:23.380 Yeah. You got to listen to every episode before you ask a question on the AMA. And then what will

00:18:27.380 happen is like, they'll ask and like, there's nothing. All we do is reference old podcasts

00:18:32.640 anymore. That's all we do. Yeah. It's funny. Cause every once in a while, somebody will say,

00:18:36.620 they'll email me or message me and say, Hey man, I just got turned on to your podcast for my brother

00:18:41.120 or whatever. Uh, what episode should I start at? Where do you start? You every, you start at zero zero

00:18:48.100 one, man. That's where you start. I listen to every episode. And you know, in the Facebook group,

00:18:53.560 sometimes guys will say, uh, you know, what podcast recommendations or what? And I, and my

00:18:58.960 standing advice is unless you, you've listened to every single order of man podcast episode,

00:19:05.020 there is not another podcast you need to worry about at the moment. So get caught up and then you

00:19:10.520 can, you know, branch out from there, but we need to establish this foundation first priorities.

00:19:14.960 Yeah. Well, and, and on a more serious note, like this podcast. I was serious. What do you mean on a

00:19:20.420 more serious? Yeah. I mean, related to that, but this podcast serves as a great tool to know who to

00:19:27.780 follow. Right. And what books to read. Like literally like this, this podcast is like my,

00:19:33.500 my, my reading list. You know, you have an interview. I'm like, that was profound. I want

00:19:38.720 to hear more from that guy. I now buy that book. Right. So of course a lot of good resources coming

00:19:43.860 out of here. All right. Drew, uh, sayings, what does date night look like for the Mickler and the

00:19:49.140 Sorenson households sitter after kids go to bed, just had our second and the house workload is for

00:19:56.620 sure getting in the way. And what, what was free time when we only had one so limited time craziness,

00:20:04.560 second kid in the household. Yeah. I mean, it's been, look, it's been a long time for us because

00:20:11.200 since we moved out here trying to find sitters, we don't want family in the area. So that's been a

00:20:15.760 little bit more challenging, but over the past couple of months, we've got a neighbor, uh, a young,

00:20:21.620 a young lady. She's in a first year in college. She'll come over and she'll sit for us and she's

00:20:27.180 phenomenal. She's awesome. And so we, uh, we went down a couple of weeks ago to the coast and we tried

00:20:33.740 to go, uh, deep sea fishing. It didn't work out because of the weather, but she was at the house all day

00:20:39.280 with the kids and it was awesome. You know, we, we explored the area. We were going to go,

00:20:44.720 we went out on the water for a little bit, then kind of explored the area and we just spent all

00:20:48.260 day there. So yeah, sitters, uh, traditionally what we always like to do, we're a little further

00:20:55.220 away. So it's harder now is we would typically just go get dinner and then we would go to Barnes

00:21:01.200 and Noble like that. That was mostly our date nights or occasionally we'd watch a movie. Uh, you know,

00:21:07.800 but sometimes look, don't overlook the power of just going for a walk. Yeah. Now our kids are,

00:21:13.560 I don't know how old Drew's kids are. He says he has another, another one. So I'm assuming they're

00:21:17.740 probably both pretty young. Yeah. But for me, you know, we've got a 12 year old, a nine year old,

00:21:23.800 a six year old, and a three year old for us to go on a walk or go on a drive or run an errand.

00:21:28.640 That's no problem at all. And so sometimes my wife and I will just say, Hey, let's go for a walk at

00:21:32.880 lunch. That's another thing we do at lunchtime is we sit down at the kitchen table. Uh, we have

00:21:39.240 lunch. She makes dinner or lunch for me. I come down, I take a break from work and we typically

00:21:44.160 watch clips from Tucker Carlson or something like that. And when the kids come in, we're like, Hey,

00:21:49.540 Nope, this is our time. Go do your thing. And we kick them out immediately when they come in at lunch,

00:21:54.260 because that is our time and the kids know it. So they've gotten better at it because we've

00:21:57.980 established that routine and that habit. Uh, so don't overlook the small little moments and

00:22:02.200 opportunities, but certainly, yeah, take advantage of the bigger opportunities where you have to plan

00:22:06.760 and bring a sitter in even a staycation where, you know, maybe you have your folks come over or her

00:22:11.840 folks come over and you get a hotel and you go to the neighboring town and you have dinner and movie

00:22:17.020 and have a hotel room. Perfect. Even stuff like that is very, very powerful in, in, uh, when you

00:22:24.400 don't have a whole lot of time or anything like that. So, yeah. Yeah. You know, those are all the

00:22:28.760 same things that we roughly do. I mean, right now it's like, uh, we're, I'm not sure if I mentioned

00:22:33.200 to you. So we're, we're both taking EMT training Asia and I. Oh, you did. Yeah. You mentioned that

00:22:37.620 a couple of weeks ago or a month ago. Yeah. So, so that's been chaotic, right? So it's like four hours

00:22:42.680 on Mondays and Wednesdays. And that's like, you know, our window of date night now is like,

00:22:49.440 do you want to grab some Taco Bell on the way home? You know what I mean? So, or, or we consider

00:22:54.260 that or that classes are kind of our date night and we're talking and, you know, doing something

00:22:59.180 unique together. So, um, yeah, I, you just kind of make it work drew. So, but, um, yeah. All right.

00:23:06.420 Andrew sheets, a Ryan and Kip hope all is well. Just joined the iron council Sunday after absorbing

00:23:12.840 your content for almost a year. Awesome. Yeah. And I'm currently listening and I'm currently listening

00:23:19.640 to sovereignty. Looking forward to the call on Friday. Any advice for new members? What should

00:23:24.180 I expect out of this group in a year? Lower your expectations first, first of all, again, I don't,

00:23:33.520 I don't say that because I think we put together a crappy product for you here.

00:23:40.100 That sounded really bad. I know. I'm just saying like, first of all, don't think this is going to

00:23:45.100 help you at all. No, I think what a lot of people get, I think did come out wrong. I think what a lot

00:23:52.400 of men get into is they think that just because they showed up or they paid a couple of bucks

00:23:57.280 that there's some system that's going to solve all their problems. And they're just waiting.

00:24:02.460 I mean, even embedded in that question a bit is like, what are you going to do for me?

00:24:06.860 Yeah. Which I get, and I'm not saying it's out of line. I'm certainly not saying that.

00:24:11.160 But if you, if you, if you really think about that question, it's like, what are you going to give,

00:24:16.700 like, what can I expect because of what you've done in a year? The answer is, what are you going

00:24:22.000 to put in? Yeah. I can't tell you because I've had guys that have come into the iron council and

00:24:27.440 they've left in five days and they've requested a refund. And of course we've honored that refund

00:24:32.180 because I don't believe in jerking people around and they didn't get a thing of it. I've had other

00:24:37.040 people who've stuck around for years and years and didn't get a thing of it. I've had people that

00:24:41.300 came in for, for two months and they're completely changed or they've been around for four years

00:24:47.880 and has completely changed their life. And they'll never leave the iron council because of what it

00:24:51.760 continues to offer for them and how it keeps them in line. So the real question is not, what do you,

00:24:58.020 what can you expect in a year? The real question is, what are you going to do in the next year?

00:25:03.320 Are you going to join a battle team? Are you going to do battle plans? Are you going to stay

00:25:07.700 engaged in the topics? Are you going to try to become a team leader? Are you going to offer

00:25:12.180 and encourage value? Are you going to participate in our foundry, which is where all the communication

00:25:15.980 takes place? What is it that you're going to do? And then when I hear that, then I'll be able to tell

00:25:22.300 you what, what will happen. Now, what potentially could happen in a year? If you do everything that we

00:25:30.420 tell you to, you follow for now, the start here program, you get yourself on a battle team,

00:25:35.380 you get into an XO position, you could potentially become in a year, easy, a new team leader with a

00:25:41.120 growth that we're experiencing. You could drastically and just completely transform your

00:25:48.020 life, your marriage, your relationship, your fitness, every facet of your life could radically

00:25:54.500 and drastically be improved through the principles that we teach. But it's not up to me. I wish it was

00:26:01.920 because then I would just wave my magic wand and say, be better. But it's up to you. What are you

00:26:08.700 going to put in? And then I'll tell you what you're going to get in return.

00:26:12.900 I would like to add to the expectation thing. I don't think there's what's wrong with expectations

00:26:19.260 sometimes is that you think your expectation is right. And when it doesn't happen, then you make

00:26:26.140 it wrong. And so it's not that lower your expectations. It's don't have expectations.

00:26:31.380 So then that way, when it doesn't show up, when, when the iron council doesn't show up the way you

00:26:37.500 thought it would, you don't label it as wrong and, and, and dismiss it. That's the danger of

00:26:45.100 expectation on council. So you want to get the best of that iron council. Guess what? Life is going to

00:26:51.320 show up in there and you're going to see things where you go, Oh man. And you're going to be

00:26:56.540 tempted to go. It shouldn't be this way. And the reality of it is, it should be that way because

00:27:02.500 that's how life is. You're going to have to deal with certain things that you don't enjoy dealing

00:27:06.840 with because that's how you grow. The iron council is not like this, this bubble for manhood that goes

00:27:12.720 here, let us help you become better without any challenges and difficult circumstances. No, it,

00:27:19.600 it will show up. It will be difficult. You're going to have hardship and you're going to have

00:27:24.000 to deal with it. And the more that you have it, the better your experience will be. Exactly.

00:27:31.020 The more that you place it on yourself. So here's what a lot of people will do. And, and I,

00:27:36.340 let me talk about it from a couple of different perspectives. So a lot of people will, will pay

00:27:41.780 it's $67 a month, right? Which is not a lot. I realize it's relative for some people. That's a lot

00:27:47.800 for some it's, it's none, but it's not a lot when you think about the value that we add. Okay.

00:27:53.320 And so they pay their $67 a month and they think that we owe them everything.

00:27:59.520 And we don't. Now that being said, we try to create Kip, you and I, and the rest of the team

00:28:07.040 leadership, try to create an environment that will afford the men who join every opportunity possible.

00:28:13.360 So I believe that we do have a responsibility to make it the best possible environment for men to

00:28:20.160 thrive. I have that responsibility, but just because me and you and the rest of the team

00:28:24.780 leadership have this responsibility does not mean that you don't have some responsibility in it.

00:28:30.500 And, and I'm not saying, I think it was Andrew. I'm not suggesting that Andrew was saying this,

00:28:34.180 but I do know a lot of men believe this, that they think, well, because you know, it's my boss's job

00:28:39.980 to ensure that I have a job. It's my wife's job to ensure that I'm fulfilled. It's, it's the economy

00:28:47.260 or the president's job to ensure that I have a job or health insurance or any number of things that

00:28:54.040 so many people feel entitled to. And there might be an element of truth to that. If you're going to

00:29:00.240 invest in the iron council, for example, then I believe that, yeah, I have a responsibility

00:29:05.460 to offer a product that's going to serve you best, but you also have a responsibility

00:29:11.800 to put the process into action. And if you're not willing to do that, if it's only one way,

00:29:18.480 then nothing in your life will change. And by the way, guys, this isn't a message about the iron

00:29:23.400 council. This is a message about life. If you show up to your job and you think that it's your

00:29:28.780 employer's responsive, sole responsibility to, to give you clients and to give you training and give

00:29:36.320 you access to new information and new systems and the technology. If you think that's partially his

00:29:43.520 responsibility, but if you think it's solely that individual responsibility, man, you're leaving so

00:29:48.980 much on the table because what would happen if you came to your employer and said, Hey, here's the

00:29:54.300 things that we have available. And I'm maximizing my use and efficiency in these tools. I think

00:29:59.340 there's one or two tools that we can use based on previous experience with my other employer.

00:30:03.920 And I think if you invested in this, this, and this, that we could radically increase profits in the

00:30:10.880 fourth quarter. Like, could you imagine if you had a great employer? And I think most of them are,

00:30:17.640 you had a good employer and you had an employee come to you and say that I would, I would be

00:30:24.140 ecstatic that I've got an individual who's bought into the program because most employees are like,

00:30:30.100 well, what can you do for me? When's my paycheck? Oh no, I'm not putting any extra time in. I'm not

00:30:34.820 coming in here. You're not paying. That's not my responsibility. And that all is wonderful because

00:30:39.700 what it does is it presents an opportunity for you to take some level of responsibility and set

00:30:46.220 yourself apart from the rest of the guys who were just showing up for that paycheck and love to punch out

00:30:51.060 as early as possible on Friday afternoon and as late as possible on Monday morning.

00:30:56.440 So many opportunities if you're willing to take responsibility. Go ahead, Kev.

00:31:00.280 Yeah. I was just going to say those guys that you, you know, the analogy that you use of those guys

00:31:04.800 was like they're in it for themselves or whatever. A common thing that they believe is, well, I'll take

00:31:10.380 on that responsibility, Ryan, when that's my title.

00:31:13.400 Yes. When, when I received the title of leader or manager, then I'll do it. Or some of us at home

00:31:20.700 might say, well, if my wife treated me like a patriarch, then I'd fulfill that responsibility. And here's the

00:31:27.600 deal, guys, you're never going to get that title if you're not that way. Right. You're never going to be

00:31:33.760 that manager. You're not going to be a leader if you're not that genuinely on your own, regardless of the

00:31:40.140 actual title. You don't need the title at all. You can actually have leadership qualities and be

00:31:47.240 bought into the system and focus on what's best for the organization and your family without the

00:31:52.120 title being given to you. Definitely. I remember years ago, I was in, in retail. That's my background

00:31:58.720 before the financial planning industry. And, and we were setting up a new store, a brand new store. So

00:32:03.840 there was boxes and clothes and things just scattered everywhere. And we got the store,

00:32:09.140 I would say like 80 to 90% of where it needed to be with the fixtures and the clothes and got the boxes

00:32:14.580 unpacked and everything else. And I remember vividly, I was talking with my store manager about something. I

00:32:19.980 don't remember what we were talking about. And one of the team members came over and said, Hey, can I just

00:32:26.060 interrupt you real quick? There's some clothes lying on the ground right there. And we just really need to get

00:32:31.980 those clothes picked up and put away because they're going to get dirty and they're going to get folded. And I

00:32:35.860 looked at this person, like, like, why are you bothering? So I walked over there. I picked it up

00:32:43.480 the pole and I set it on the rack and it took me what? 12 seconds. And then I walked back and got

00:32:49.880 back into my conversation. Guys, the problems are there. Everybody sees them, right? You see them,

00:32:58.420 other employees, see them, your boss, everybody sees the problems. That's what we do as human

00:33:04.100 beings. But I think it's infinitely more rare to find the individual who doesn't just yap about it

00:33:09.580 or acknowledge there's a problem, but actually solves the problem. And in that case, it took me 12

00:33:14.540 seconds. What problems are you not solving? What problems does everybody else recognize?

00:33:22.440 And nobody has acknowledged, nobody has addressed. They've acknowledged it, but they haven't addressed it

00:33:26.480 yet. And can you set yourself apart to your point, Kip, and, and, and become a leader, at least set

00:33:33.100 yourself apart as qualified as a leader by solving the problem that everybody else has been yapping

00:33:38.980 about for the last two years. That's how you step into leadership. Acknowledge, fix, acknowledge,

00:33:45.760 fix. Don't just stop at the acknowledgement part. Yeah. And that's why I've always loved,

00:33:50.760 you know, um, just to extend this to a broader conversation, you know, we, Emily, I'm sure we've

00:33:57.180 talked about this in the past is be, do have, right? You have, you be that individual. It's how you are

00:34:03.200 being, and then you take action and then you get the title, you get the recognition that it doesn't go

00:34:09.380 any other way. It's true. I, you know, I, I'll give another example and, and I want to, I'm actually

00:34:16.960 really hesitant to bring this example up, but I want to, I want to, because I'm not trying to toot

00:34:22.160 my own horn here at all when I say this, but I want to bring this up because I want people to

00:34:26.120 understand how easy this is. It's super easy. Okay. So a couple of weeks ago, you're at my place,

00:34:33.220 right? And you came and you checked out the studio and you, you were excited about it and you took notes

00:34:38.520 on the microphone. Like I saw you, you had your, either you had your phone out or notepad and you

00:34:43.120 were writing it down. Pictures. Okay. So you were like, all right, let me see what this is. Let me

00:34:47.860 see what model it is. What, okay. What boom, my, okay. All of that stuff, right? Guys, this is how

00:34:52.880 easy it is. So whatever it was last week, I jumped on Amazon and I bought it and just had it sent to you.

00:35:00.840 Like, like that's how easy it is guys. I'm telling you, it's so easy. And, and, and

00:35:08.300 Kip, you feel good about that. Yeah. Right. Because I acknowledged you, I gave you a gift

00:35:13.860 that was valuable for you. It was sure to help the podcast, but it'll help you individually as

00:35:18.760 well. You feel important and you are, you should feel that way. You feel like you're worth investing

00:35:25.120 in that. I believe that. And I certainly believe that's the case. Yeah. It's so easy guys. Like

00:35:30.960 it's just there, but how many people would have seen you take pictures and said, oh yeah,

00:35:36.140 he really wants that microphone. And then like gone off to do whatever else they get distracted

00:35:41.360 with. It is so easy. You know, your wife talks about something that she's interested in, whether

00:35:48.860 it's beekeeping or, you know, the class that she was interested in. And you're like, oh yeah,

00:35:53.100 that sounds really cool. And then you just blow it off and you never think about it again. It's like,

00:35:57.980 buy her a book, man. Like, let her know that you care about her or your boss is dealing with a

00:36:04.320 problem at work. And he's like, yeah, we just, the technology's lagging or it's behind.

00:36:09.200 What would keep you from in the evening one night this week is just doing a little research

00:36:14.000 and coming back to your boss and saying, Hey, you know, boss, you were telling me about

00:36:18.220 these three problems. And I jumped online. I did a little research and I found these three solutions

00:36:23.180 and solution A, you know, it's a little bit expensive, but it seems like it's got everything

00:36:27.700 we need. Solution B is less expensive, but it's not as robust. And solution C is pretty efficient,

00:36:33.960 pretty cost effective. And like, if you're interested, I would probably recommend C for

00:36:37.980 these reasons. It's so easy. Like it's all right there in front of you. Yeah. If an employee did

00:36:45.440 that, you'd be like, I love that guy. Of course you would. Like awesome. Of course you would.

00:36:51.900 And yet we just won't take initiative because it required, what, what did it require me to buy a

00:37:01.020 microphone for you? It required, you know, 20 minutes to get, to get it. It required some capital

00:37:08.220 investment and it required a text to say, Hey, can I get your address? Yeah. Guys, like we're missing so

00:37:17.040 many opportunities that are just right there and nobody else is doing it, which is awesome. Because

00:37:22.620 if you do it, then you're going to set yourself apart. Just a rock star instantly. Yeah. You're

00:37:27.100 amazing. Anyways, I hope that didn't come across as like tooting my own horn, my own horn or to

00:37:32.500 diminish Kip the gift that I did want to give to you. I didn't want to do that, but I wanted to explain

00:37:37.420 like a very simple thing that would actually, if you just did that every day, your life would be

00:37:44.460 completely different in a matter of what? 30 days? Totally. Immediately? Overnight?

00:37:49.840 And it's not just like, Oh, that, that employee is awesome, but they're going to want you around

00:37:56.120 when you're that way. People are like, I want to be around that guy, right? Like he's

00:38:01.560 addressing things. He's on top of things. He's thinking about things. Like you're just a valuable

00:38:06.560 person to be around when you do those things. Yeah. And think about your confidence. That's one of

00:38:11.220 the things that guys deal with a lot is like, how do I build and develop my confidence? There's,

00:38:15.220 there's like a dozen ideas Kip, you and I just gave them. I mean, imagine wanting to be wanted.

00:38:23.880 Like everywhere you go, you're like, yeah, I want to be around Ryan. I want to be around Kip.

00:38:27.560 I want Kip to be on this, heading up this task or this project. And I want Ryan at this event. And

00:38:34.040 like, and so you're getting invites. What's that going to do to your confidence level?

00:38:37.800 Totally. Of course, you're going to walk like Jordan says, you're going to Jordan Peterson says,

00:38:43.740 you're going to walk a little higher, chest out, shoulders back, looking people in the eye. And

00:38:48.980 then that level of confidence is going to breed more action, which will breed more confidence.

00:38:52.620 And it's just this big cyclical process. That's going to help you really become something more

00:39:00.180 than you are today. And it's so easy. It's all right there in front of you.

00:39:04.700 Yeah. And we've already said it, but I think the guys don't do that because they want to be granted

00:39:11.140 permission to do so, or they think, well, I need to be in that role or that title, or I need someone

00:39:16.940 to believe in me first. Yeah. Wouldn't you agree? Yeah. But, but the other side, yes, I would agree

00:39:23.480 with that, but we do have to also throw the disclaimer out there that, and, and I shouldn't have to say it,

00:39:28.380 but yeah, there are some boundaries that you can't cross. Right. So, you know, if you're at your

00:39:34.660 work, I probably wouldn't just invest in a multi-thousand dollar platform on my own, hoping

00:39:40.160 that my boss would, wouldn't, would agree with me or, or even worse, or just invest for him because I

00:39:47.580 have access to the company credit card or something. So yes, there are boundaries that you need to be

00:39:54.100 aware of. And those are hard boundaries, but there's a lot of wiggle room between where you

00:40:01.260 are and that boundary. And that's where you should operate. Yeah. And in the example that you gave with

00:40:06.820 the guy that came to his boss with the three options, that's perfect. He didn't make any decision

00:40:11.500 on behalf of the boss. He did his research, collected the necessary data so he could prevent,

00:40:16.660 present possible solutions. Right. And going beyond that would be, I actually purchased this and I

00:40:23.680 implement it. You're like, Oh shit. You know, that's another problem. Or, or what, what you also

00:40:28.960 could run into is, okay, so let's say you're my employer Kip. And I come to you with these three

00:40:34.520 options and you're like, Oh man, thank you. This is really valuable. And then I follow up with you in

00:40:39.240 a week. Hey, did you ever decide? I think that's appropriate. Did you ever decide if you wanted to do

00:40:43.460 anything? And you're like, Oh yeah, no, no. And then I follow up in two days and then five days

00:40:48.060 and then 10 days. All right, stop. Yeah. You got to do the work and then let the chips fall where

00:40:53.780 they may. Don't be a brown noser. Don't overdo it. Don't be needy. Push an agenda. Yes. Don't do

00:41:01.160 that. Just present the options and have faith that your boss is going to make a choice in his and the

00:41:07.560 employee's best interest. Now, if he can, if he perpetually makes horrible decisions, then maybe think

00:41:12.480 about different employment, but just be careful of, of what, how this could be perceived. That's

00:41:18.700 another thing you need to be aware of. Totally. Totally. And I think when we, when we are genuine

00:41:22.900 in our efforts, usually that kind of works itself out, right? Like in that example, my follow-up with

00:41:29.780 you after like a week would be, is there any additional research that you would need me to

00:41:35.880 make or that you think would be valuable to help you make that decision? That's still a genuine

00:41:40.600 wanting to do what's best for the company. Not, Hey, did you implement one of my ideas yet? You

00:41:44.980 know, it's like, okay, that's, there's, there's different objectives happening in those two

00:41:49.460 different examples. So. And I'm glad that you said, yeah, well, you said genuine at first. I'm like,

00:41:55.520 okay, well, let's define that. What do you mean by genuine? Cause genuine could mean I'm doing what's

00:42:00.420 in my best interest. Like that's actually genuine. Fair enough. Yeah. But you did clarify also,

00:42:05.880 you said genuinely in the best interest of the organization. You said that, right? Yeah. And

00:42:10.840 sometimes your best interest and the organization's best interest are aligned and sometimes they're

00:42:15.260 not. So I, you did make the distinction, but immediately when you said genuine, I'm like,

00:42:20.260 hold on, what, let's define that. What do you mean by that? Right. Cause I genuinely want to get out

00:42:25.840 ahead of everybody. So that's genuine too. Right. So yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's drive on. We were so

00:42:34.700 far off the answer to, to his question. What was it about dating? No, it was, what was it?

00:42:41.280 Advice for new members. Yeah. Yeah. It was about the Iron Council. About dating. All right.

00:42:46.240 Brett Hobman. Hey fellas, I believe in setting your mindset for the first day, uh, setting your

00:42:51.620 mindset for the day. First thing in the morning, I'm looking at creating my own affirmations to add

00:42:56.420 to my morning routine. I've heard Kip mentioned his, he performs affirmations as part of his morning

00:43:02.240 routine. So this question is directly more at him. What are your affirmations? Do you create your own?

00:43:07.620 And if so, how did you create them? Well, here I'll lead, I'll lead off with that. Yeah. Go ahead.

00:43:14.940 Lead off. I don't have affirmations. Go ahead. You're, you're a point. Next question. You're an

00:43:19.900 idiot. Why would you? No, no, no. I just don't. I just, my affirmation is just kick ass. Like

00:43:27.300 you got work to do. You got work to do. Uh, when you said kick ass reminds me of, uh,

00:43:34.260 Johnny and Cobra Kai. Just beat that ass. I watched 20 minutes of the first episode last

00:43:40.540 night. I've never seen any other episodes. And I enjoyed it. No, no, I enjoyed it. I only

00:43:49.040 watched 20 minutes cause my family came home from a quick, you know, from a two or three

00:43:53.120 day vacation and they came home and so I turned it off. But yeah, I mean, it was good. It was

00:43:57.780 good. Keep, keep watching. They're super funny. Okay. So affirmations. I'm not, I don't have

00:44:03.320 mine. Uh, it's long enough that I have to read it, but, uh, in the iron council and in the battle

00:44:08.840 ready program, which you guys, guys that aren't part of the iron council, you can learn more

00:44:12.680 by going to order of man.com slash battle ready. And within Ryan's book sovereignty, one

00:44:19.100 of the key things around our battle plans is creating a vision and, and that is impactful

00:44:25.080 all in itself. Now, where this relates to an affirmation, it is my summary or short version

00:44:33.300 of that vision. So this is me or how I connect back to my vision on a regular basis. So then

00:44:41.380 that way, when I start my day, I'm reminded, what is my purpose? What is my vision? What am

00:44:47.160 I working towards and how am I going to show up in that day? Um, and I, like I said, I

00:44:52.920 don't have my affirmation to share it. And, and sometimes there's some drawbacks to you

00:44:56.680 even, maybe even possibly sharing it because this should be very unique to each of us, right?

00:45:01.380 Your affirmation should, to, should drive you. And so my affirmation moves, touches and inspires

00:45:07.900 me. I kind of get the goosebumps a little bit. I'm like, hell yeah. I want to kick ass.

00:45:14.600 Like, that's kind of like the feeling I have after I read my affirmation. And then right

00:45:19.920 after I read it, I know you're not asking for this specifically, but I think it's valuable

00:45:23.620 is right after I read it, I look at my calendar and I go, Oh, okay. I got a meeting at nine

00:45:29.700 30. How am I going to show up in that meeting based upon that vision? Okay. How am I going

00:45:36.160 to, and it sounds silly, but it's so powerful. How am I going to show up when I walk on the

00:45:40.320 mats at noon? All right. When I come home from picking up the girls from gymnastics and I walk

00:45:46.020 in the house at seven, how am I going to show up? How am I going to communicate with my wife?

00:45:50.840 How do I interact with my son? And, and when I start looking at my day and I, and I related to

00:45:57.700 what I said in my affirmation, that changes how I show up. And, and that is how I implement in my

00:46:04.800 life. And that's why it's so critical, but it, the only, the coaching I would have to be is it

00:46:10.060 should be very unique to you and it should move and inspire you. And it should be in conjunction

00:46:15.680 or related to your vision. It sounds like, uh, you're very thoughtful with that process of how

00:46:22.120 am I going to show up? How is this going to impact the people around me? And I can really appreciate

00:46:26.480 that. There's one thing I was thinking of, as you said that, and with this question in general is

00:46:31.480 sometimes when I think of the term affirmations, I think about this one or handful of phrases that

00:46:36.460 you say repeatedly over and over again, like, and you are lovely people like you. Yes. And so we have

00:46:44.220 this phrase Kip in, in, in our, in our church, which is to avoid, uh, vain repetition, right? Avoid vain

00:46:51.620 repetition. And I think that you can fall into that trap with having a preset affirmations. You are

00:46:57.740 special people like you, you're strong, you're this, you're that. And at some point, maybe because

00:47:02.780 you tell yourself so often, and quite frankly, our actions don't always match our words that we create

00:47:09.060 this battle in our minds about whether or not we actually are special or we are strong or we are

00:47:16.620 capable. And so for me, it's not lying to myself and it's avoiding the vain repetition of just saying

00:47:24.760 something for the sake of saying it, but instead, and you, and you hit on this actually, because you

00:47:29.680 said it has to be, I don't know the exact verbiage you used, but meaningful and inspiring and emotional

00:47:35.440 something along those lines. Right. Yeah. And so at some point when you say something over and over

00:47:41.160 again, it loses its effectiveness because it's not, it's not congruent with who you are and how you're

00:47:47.280 showing up. So I don't, I don't like that type of affirmation. Like you're a hard worker. You are

00:47:55.220 special. You are needed. I don't like that. Yeah. Because it doesn't, well, for me, it's not

00:48:02.060 motivating. It's like, okay, well, if I'm those things, then why try any harder? Like I'm already

00:48:05.940 reached it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For me, I'm like, you could be awesome today. Like you could potentially

00:48:12.440 today have the best ask me anything podcast that you've ever done. You could be as effective today

00:48:21.120 than you've ever been. You could actually do all of those tasks on your list. You could do all of

00:48:26.300 this. Like imagine what that would look like to me, those aspirational and hopeful. I don't even

00:48:33.700 think they're affirmations. I think it's just thoughts. What's it going to be like when I get this

00:48:38.740 all done or when I have this certain interview, I mean, how many people are going to be reached and

00:48:42.940 impacted positively by that conversation you're going to have. These are the thoughts that bounce

00:48:47.460 around in my brain and they're aspirational as opposed to I've already achieved them because if

00:48:52.660 I've achieved them, there's no reason for me to continue to drive on. And I just don't want to get

00:48:57.540 in the vain repetition. People do this with prayer. People do this with scripture study. It's like they say

00:49:03.000 the same thing over and over again, so much so that it's just lost all of its power and all of its

00:49:08.100 ability to change you because it's like just sounds that your vocal cords are making at this

00:49:13.940 point. It has no meaning or significance behind it. Totally. And I think that's where Brett and

00:49:19.700 other guys, if, if this is something that you want to tackle, um, it's, it's how you write it.

00:49:25.720 Like for instance, it, a phrase that I have in the affirmation, I'm going to slaughter it,

00:49:29.360 but you guys don't know that. Um, well, they do now because you just said it. Yeah. Yeah.

00:49:34.700 Like if today, if I am confronted with difficult situations, I will not shrink out of hopeless,

00:49:44.340 hopelessness of fear. And if necessary, we'll go to, to, to like, go to my Lord in prayer for guidance

00:49:51.700 and direction. Like it, it's not a Kip, you'll be okay. And you're going to be amazing. It's like,

00:49:56.900 no, no, no, this is what, this is how I'm going to address this. Like it's, it's more like action

00:50:02.960 driven affirmation, I guess. And maybe I destroyed affirmations, but that's what,

00:50:08.760 that's what helps me show up differently. Yeah. Do you think that you even need to tell yourself that

00:50:15.640 anymore? Is there value in that? Or do you feel like when you're confronted with those situations,

00:50:20.300 you will default into that at this point? No, I purposely things I put in my affirmations are

00:50:27.460 areas in which I need guidance and direction on. I have a tendency to go, Oh, this is frustrating.

00:50:33.900 Like, especially if it's like a argument with my wife, my default behavior is not to be aggressive.

00:50:38.840 It is the like, Oh, I don't want to deal with it. You know what I mean? And like procrastinate and push

00:50:43.620 it off. So why is that in my affirmation? Cause I'm not going to shrink, right? I'm going to deal

00:50:49.160 with it immediately. I am going to show up this way. Right. So I intentionally have things in there

00:50:54.960 that where I'm kind of not ideal. And it's kind of like a, I don't know, checklist of how, how I

00:51:01.540 should show up in the event that certain things arise. That makes sense. I know for me, when I

00:51:07.700 react as opposed to respond to things. And I think there is a distinct difference between the two.

00:51:14.020 Reaction to me is more emotional. Respond is more logical. Yeah.

00:51:19.160 I'm a reactionary person. I know that about myself. And I think it's important to understand

00:51:23.820 these things about who you are and how you would typically show up. So, because I want to get shit

00:51:30.360 done. And so when something or somebody is in my way, I like, get the hell out of my way. I we're

00:51:38.400 going like, fix this. We got to go. And I know that reactionary response is actually counterintuitive.

00:51:45.000 Most of the time is counterintuitive or counterproductive. I should say it actually

00:51:50.600 creates the exact opposite. It bogs down the system. It upsets people. Uh, they work,

00:51:57.760 they don't work quite as hard because they feel like they're being picked on. I know that about

00:52:02.180 myself. So for me, I've had to be very deliberate about not being reactionary and instead notice like

00:52:12.460 when my blood pressure rises, stop, breathe, disengage, think, then re-engage because that is

00:52:24.680 not my natural tendency. And, and so that isn't an affirmation so much. So as it is just confirming

00:52:30.860 what you just said about the things that you know, you need to work on. And that is an area I know I

00:52:36.820 need to work on because I feel like if I'm on a mission, either lead me, you can follow me or just

00:52:43.340 get the hell out of the way. Cause I'm going and I am not stopping for anything. And that creates

00:52:48.820 some collateral damage at times. Yeah. I like that. All right. Jarrett store, a storle. Sorry, Jarrett,

00:52:58.920 Jarrett, Jarrett. What is the best place to start? I thought you got the last name wrong, but, uh,

00:53:04.380 I know you got the entire thing wrong. It's, it's Jarrett. I don't know why I threw it.

00:53:08.500 Jarrett. All right. So Jarrett, what is the best place to start to get out of the, uh, get out of the

00:53:14.300 Mr. Nice guy rut? I've been in it my entire life books to read places to start. No books. I mean,

00:53:22.220 okay. There's one book, no more Mr. Nice guy. All right. I'm assuming that you've already read it.

00:53:27.060 Cause you know this about yourself. No more books, no more books. Stop. You have everything you need.

00:53:32.820 You have everything you need. You don't even need a book. All you need to do is start saying no to more

00:53:37.480 people. That's it. I'm not sure. Would you add, don't excuse it? No, don't, don't tell him why.

00:53:46.020 Like when your buddy calls you up this weekend and says, Hey, I'm moving. And, uh, you know,

00:53:49.780 can I borrow your truck? Oh no, no, not this weekend. Good luck. That is hard, man. That is

00:53:58.280 super, but that's the point. That's the point. And I'm not saying be a dick because a lot,

00:54:03.980 what a lot of guys will do recovering. Nice guys is what a lot of them will do is they'll go

00:54:09.160 overboard and they'll turn into the a-hole. That's not what I'm saying to do, but I think you do need

00:54:14.660 to tiptoe that line a little bit. And I think you do need to experiment with being an a-hole,

00:54:20.240 not perpetually, not forever, but I think some experience in being kind of an asshole is maybe

00:54:27.220 a healthy thing for somebody who's never been an asshole before. Does that make sense? I hope,

00:54:33.160 I hope that makes sense because it is, it's a dichotomy, right? It's a balancing act between

00:54:37.920 two extremes. Nice guy, not to be confused with being kind. There's a distinction. I've talked

00:54:43.960 about that, but nice guy and asshole. And we're all both at different times in life. And I think

00:54:52.000 that's important because then you find where it's best to walk the line and you find out where it's

00:54:59.420 important to actually, there are times where you should be an asshole, by the way, guys.

00:55:03.620 Like being able to defend yourself, stick up for yourself or other people is actually okay. Nice

00:55:10.160 guys don't understand that. Guys who are perpetually on the other side, the a-hole type guy, there are

00:55:17.680 times where maybe a little kindness would go a very long way. And maybe you could be a little bit

00:55:21.720 more empathetic. That's something I need to focus on is be more understanding, be more tolerant,

00:55:26.960 be more empathetic because I tend to go the other way. Yeah. So what you need to do, Jarrett,

00:55:33.120 is you need to practice. It sounds funny, but just like dancing with the devil a little bit.

00:55:41.540 You need to practice that. You need to practice telling people, no, no, I won't do that. Or if

00:55:47.740 somebody's doing something you don't like, you need to practice saying, you know what, Kip?

00:55:52.020 I don't appreciate that. I appreciate you. I appreciate our friendship, but I don't appreciate

00:55:59.340 you not showing up on time when you make a commitment to me. You need to be able to say

00:56:06.320 that. And any friend that you actually want in your life would have the testicular fortitude to be able

00:56:13.060 to accept that and say, oh yeah, okay. Yeah, he's right. I was kind of a dick because I didn't show up

00:56:18.620 and I told him I would. And if he can't handle that, I don't want that kind of friend in my life.

00:56:23.260 Well, one of the root issues with a no more Mr. Nice guy or a nice guy should say is you're trying

00:56:30.520 to control other people's emotion and second guess it and go over the top to make sure that

00:56:36.800 you don't offend someone. No. So let me make this distinction, Kip, real quick. Cause I want to make,

00:56:42.240 I do need to interject here because you're not trying to control other people. You're not trying

00:56:49.680 to do it for other people. That's what nice guys will say. Oh, well, I just don't, I don't want

00:56:54.600 anybody to feel bad. Notice what you said there. I don't want anybody to feel bad. It isn't about the

00:57:02.600 other person. It's about you. You can't handle somebody else feeling bad. Yeah. So let me, let me

00:57:07.840 try to reword it. Cause I, I think the point I was trying to make is, is still valid is things that

00:57:14.300 you might assume as rude is not rude. You're just so paranoid about the person interpreting,

00:57:23.120 like for instance, the example of, Hey Kip, I don't appreciate you being late. How is that rude?

00:57:28.200 Right. How is that you being a jerk? It's not, but, but you're so paranoid about being liked by me

00:57:34.440 that you, you will calto and adjust and everything just to make sure that Kip doesn't interpret that

00:57:40.620 as being overly aggressive or rude. Right. We call that baggage. Yeah. You're really not being rude.

00:57:47.280 Like you're just so paranoid about being accepted that like, you're just trying to walk on eggshells

00:57:53.760 on everything you do when reality is just clear communication and precise communication is not

00:57:58.980 rude. Like it literally, if you said that to me, Hey Kip, Hey, AMAs, we usually start five minutes

00:58:05.280 late. I kind of don't appreciate it. If you could make sure that we start on time, I, I, I wouldn't go

00:58:11.020 dick. What a, what a jerk. I would go, actually, he's right. Like spot on. Got it. You know, but that's,

00:58:20.020 you know, we bring our own baggage to the equation and then we dump it on other people.

00:58:24.680 So the baggage that you have that a nice guy has is that at some point he interpreted a,

00:58:32.900 an assertive message as something negative, right? So he interpreted the message of you saying, Hey,

00:58:42.960 be on time as you're a horrible person or something. I'm not good enough. Yeah. Right. So he interpreted

00:58:49.280 it incorrectly and because he interpreted it incorrectly then. So he accepted the baggage.

00:58:55.840 He took it. That's the baggage. And then what he did is he said, here's my baggage and it must be

00:59:02.780 true. It's gotta be true. Cause this is the lens in which I view my life. And so I'm going to give

00:59:08.420 this baggage to everybody else that I meet. I used to actually do the same thing in my financial planning

00:59:13.240 practice when I started because I was in a very rough spot financially, which I realized is ironic

00:59:19.100 at the time, teaching other people how to handle their money, but not being able to handle my own

00:59:23.540 money. I see the irony in that. So I would go into appointments and I would have people telling me,

00:59:31.620 Oh, have them invest this much. And here's what they should do. And here's how they should invest it.

00:59:35.320 And I would go into my appointments very timidly. And I would say, I, you know, I know this is a big

00:59:41.240 investment. I know that this is, I'm asking you to make a big commitment. And I had a trainer one

00:59:47.520 time say, why do you keep saying that? And I'm like, well, what do you mean? And he says, you keep

00:59:52.660 saying like, I know it's a big commitment. I know it's, I'm asking a lot. I know it's a big investment.

00:59:56.320 Why do you keep saying that? I'm like, cause it is. He's like, no, it isn't. It is to you,

01:00:00.360 but you're projecting that onto other people. And then they're interpreting it as this is a big

01:00:06.020 commitment. And so that's why you're not closing any deals because you're saying that they shouldn't do it.

01:00:11.240 through your language because you wouldn't do it. This is classic projection. I'm going to take

01:00:18.360 the baggage, the interpretation of the stories I've held, and I'm going to project them onto you,

01:00:23.820 whether or not you believe that or have that same view as I do. And it's a very slippery slope when

01:00:30.540 you do that, because you're going to close yourself off to a whole lot of opportunities that would have

01:00:34.420 otherwise presented themselves. Same thing with the podcast. When I reach out to podcast guests,

01:00:38.420 I don't say, Oh, well, you know, like, uh, it's a kind of a smaller podcast than you're used to.

01:00:44.540 And you know, like maybe, uh, maybe it's not what you normally would do. No, this is a podcast.

01:00:51.220 You should be on this one because we're going to help you get in front of these people and you've

01:00:55.500 got a message to share and it's valuable. And what we do is valuable and we should connect.

01:00:59.400 And I get significantly more response, positive response that way than saying, well, you're like,

01:01:05.280 can you do me a favor? Maybe kind of help me. No, I'm helping you. You're helping me. This is

01:01:10.220 reciprocal. And I realized the value that I have and nice guys just don't, they don't, because

01:01:15.000 again, they've adopted baggage that isn't, it isn't true with a capital T it's their perception of

01:01:23.780 it. Yeah. And would you, would you, and I think we've already covered it kind of, but would you

01:01:30.280 call this out specifically that, that, that nice, no more, what do we call these guys? Nice guys,

01:01:37.920 nice guys. Yeah. Nice guys. Do they, there's, there's also a lack of communication happening

01:01:43.260 where they're not openly communicating frustrations and whatever. I mean, is that it's somewhat of a

01:01:51.240 given because you should be clear in your communication, but a lot of those guys are

01:01:54.600 kind of holding back a lot of stuff and they're never communicating. And then they're lashing

01:01:58.880 out in other ways as well. Yeah. They lit, they lash out, they become vindictive. I had somebody in

01:02:04.260 my financial planning contracts that would try to, that actually begun to try to sabotage me because he

01:02:10.100 was a nice guy and he wouldn't communicate with me. And so he tried to undermine and sabotage my client

01:02:17.560 relationships because he, he felt like he was getting taken advantage of. And I didn't know

01:02:23.760 that because I never was, that was never communicated to me. Never had any of these types

01:02:28.780 of conversations. There's some level of responsibility on my part. Sure. But I never had

01:02:32.680 these conversations. And so that come to find out, he's trying to sabotage me. I'm like, what in the

01:02:37.580 world's going on? Well, he was a nice guy. He was afraid of confrontation. He didn't want people to

01:02:42.860 think he was a bad guy or he didn't want to me to feel bad or whatever. And so he still ended up

01:02:48.560 acting out as his thoughts. He just did them in clever and sneaky and despicable ways. Yes.

01:02:57.360 So it still comes out. It's still there, but it's better to, and we've talked about the valve on the

01:03:02.300 pressure cooker, right? You've got to have the valve on the pressure cooker. That doesn't mean you

01:03:06.060 just spill your guts. Cause if you do that, then you lose your effectiveness. Same thing with the

01:03:10.960 pressure cooker. If you pull that valve, all the pressure is released and then it doesn't do what

01:03:14.480 it's supposed to be doing. It's just enough, just a little bit of pressure, a little bit. So it doesn't

01:03:20.300 turn into a bomb, not all of it, just a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. Uh, how are we doing

01:03:27.240 on time? Let's just take one more and then I got to wrap things up on my end. Okay. Uh, wanted to

01:03:32.640 grab a name that I knew I was going to slaughter before we wrap up. Perfect. Sorry, Ryan. Uh, Ryan

01:03:40.040 Bratenbach, Raytonbach. Yeah. Send me a message on Foundry and just be me. Ryan B. Ryan B.

01:03:49.260 It does start with a B though, right? Kip? Like we at least got that from you. It does start with a B

01:03:52.860 at least. Yeah. I know that letter. Public school isn't all that bad. All right. How to start a

01:04:00.480 business without money. Would you take on the risk of a small business loan to live on, including health

01:04:06.020 insurance and other family costs while building a business? I mean, it really depends on the

01:04:10.960 business. Yeah. It really depends on the business. Uh, like my knee jerk reaction is no, I wouldn't do

01:04:17.400 that unless, unless you're starting like a manufacturing plant or, or maybe some sort of technology or app

01:04:30.640 or something where you feel like there'll be a big payout and, and you need the funds to build it

01:04:36.160 or, or to build the production or to buy the supplies. But if you're talking about a digital

01:04:42.860 product, uh, something that is, you know, not really all that threatening, I would say,

01:04:48.160 no, I wouldn't do that. I, I would, this is count counter to what a lot of the, like the internet

01:04:55.720 guru, the go all in, burn the boats. It's like, well, also feed your kids and put a roof over

01:05:00.840 their head. Don't risk their livelihood. Yeah. Right. Uh, so I would lean more towards

01:05:08.360 hustle your ass off for two years and then you can start migrating towards making this a full-time

01:05:16.860 venture. But again, it really depends on the business. But I think for the overwhelming majority

01:05:20.780 of us, I mean the barrier to entry for business, whatever it is, if it's coaching, if it's consulting,

01:05:27.800 if it's photography, if it's, it's, you're not. Yeah. I just don't see a whole lot of businesses

01:05:32.900 where you're going to start. The exception of that is, you know, you look at somebody like Pete

01:05:36.440 Roberts with origin. You know, I know, I, I know personally, cause we've had these conversations

01:05:41.840 that he struggled man for a lot of years because he had to buy equipment and he had to figure out how

01:05:48.080 to make the equipment run. And he had a couple of employees that he had to pay. And so I know it

01:05:53.600 was really hard for him, but that was the business that he was creating. Then you take his business

01:05:58.400 partner, Jocko Willink. No, he just started a podcast, you know, granted now he's investing and

01:06:05.280 because he's in the position to do that, but he's investing in, in venues and products and technology

01:06:13.000 because he's at that point. It's just the business that you're trying to start. And I just don't

01:06:19.420 think a lot of businesses require that much capital. Like maybe they used to. Yeah. And I think in the

01:06:26.560 early stages, it's, it's, it's all about confirming that the market and if there's a need and, and that

01:06:34.860 comes down to your minimal viable product. And, and I don't know enough about Pete's story of origin

01:06:41.100 well enough, like the early days, but I would probably suggest if I understand correctly

01:06:45.840 that before Pete bought a loom and made investments, he made, he had geese designed and confirmed that

01:06:54.520 there's a market for him first. Yeah. He was, so they were actually, they had a plant, a manufacturer

01:07:00.960 overseas that were doing their geese. Yeah. That's his MVP. Right. So he confirmed like,

01:07:06.600 is there a market for our designs? And once he confirmed like, Oh, there is. Okay. Now it makes

01:07:14.820 sense for me to maybe get a business loan and invest in this idea. So way too many guys that I

01:07:21.820 know think like, okay, step one, go to bank, get loans. Like, no, no, no, no. Step one is confirm

01:07:28.760 that you even have something that's valuable to sell. Yeah. I mean, and there's ways for us to test

01:07:35.600 that first before getting a huge loan. For sure. I, you even look at a huge organization like

01:07:41.560 Under Armour. Now I know one of the co-founders has been on the podcast, Kip Falks is a good friend

01:07:45.940 of mine. And they started making stuff for themselves because they needed something that

01:07:51.220 was breathing a little better than a t-shirt. So they made it for their team, their, their lacrosse

01:07:55.180 team. And then they started selling it to, I think if I remember correctly, other high schools in the

01:08:00.520 area. And then a couple of colleges are like, Oh, what are you using? And they started doing it with

01:08:04.340 colleges and then different universities. And then it just kind of expanded and expanded and

01:08:08.020 expanded. So granted at times, yes, they, they probably took out some loans. They probably

01:08:14.020 brought, bought investors because they wanted to scale it, but that wasn't day one. That was day

01:08:19.060 1000, right? Before they started doing stuff. Totally. Totally. I love that story. I love stories like

01:08:26.280 that. They're because it's possible, man. It's possible. And they're, they're common and it's easier

01:08:33.480 than it's ever been. I mean, who would have thought that five years down the road, you know,

01:08:38.120 we'd be talking about what we're talking about. We'd be having events and products and podcasts and

01:08:43.680 who would have ever thought you would, nobody would ever thought that's because nobody ever did it.

01:08:49.600 Yeah. And it's, and it required what, uh, was your level of intelligence is insanely higher and

01:08:55.880 better than most people. Well, yeah, no, it's because you're willing to take action. Exactly.

01:09:04.320 Yeah. You're willing to take action. I bought a $70 microphone and I said, I hit record on my

01:09:10.560 computer and I hit publish and we're off to the races. Yeah. And Pete probably bought Photoshop,

01:09:17.880 liked some designs. Come on. Let me tell you, right. Let me tell you, this is important.

01:09:23.340 Actually the story of, of origin Pete's previous company was a marketing agency.

01:09:30.400 So people say, Oh, I love origins marketing. They're so good at it. Yeah. Because that's what

01:09:35.140 he was doing before origin. So people say, Oh, I wasted all that time. That's a skill set.

01:09:41.420 It better be good. That's what he was doing for himself and other people. People would pay him to

01:09:45.260 do that. He better be good at it. Yeah. So same thing with his pocket. Oh, Ryan, you're good at

01:09:50.220 podcasting. Yes. Because I actually had a podcast prior to this one. It wasn't what I wanted to talk

01:09:55.020 about, but I cut my teeth doing that. So none of what you're going through is wasted. It's just

01:10:00.940 pieces to the puzzle. You can't see the entire puzzle yet. It's just, Oh, there's another little

01:10:05.960 piece that I get to put into the puzzle as I'm on my journey to become who it is I'm wanting to

01:10:11.800 become. Yeah, totally. It's crazy. I have like old school origin geese. Do you really? Yeah.

01:10:19.260 The, I think it was like the comp, what's the comp 420 or something or 412. I don't know. Like

01:10:25.480 they were, I remember I got on the origin early, mostly because of just the marketing. Like I loved

01:10:34.120 how the geese were designed. I love the flyers. I love the website. Like I was just like, Oh man,

01:10:40.600 these guys are prestige. Like, you know, really good looking products. That's a skill set that he

01:10:46.680 developed and he's honed it. Sure. But developed long before origin ever was, was born. Yeah,

01:10:54.440 totally. Love it, man. All right. Let's wrap up. Yeah. So we mentioned a couple of things on the

01:10:59.860 call. So let's just do a quick summary. So, um, iron council, exclusive brotherhood of the order of man

01:11:05.500 movement. Learn more, go to order of man.com slash iron council to join us on Facebook and to submit

01:11:11.560 questions for future AMAs. You can go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And then we also

01:11:17.240 talked about the battle battle ready program, which is a free program, which you can sign up for. Uh,

01:11:22.640 the definition I'd like to use is, is guidance and direction about getting on the court in life

01:11:27.360 and, and building out your battle plan and, uh, making the necessary adjustments,

01:11:34.460 goals and objectives to cause change in your life. To learn more, to go to order man.com

01:11:39.660 slash battle ready. And of course the support, the podcast subscribe, share the message, subscribe to

01:11:46.240 YouTube, uh, follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram at Twitter and Twitter at Ryan Mickler. And of course

01:11:52.140 is new swag in the store. Is this official? Yeah, man, we got, we got our windbreakers. We got

01:11:58.240 shirts, we got hoodies, we've got hats, we've got wallets, we've got flags, we've got battle planners,

01:12:04.640 we've got beanies coming soon. It's all there guys. Some slick product. Some slick product.

01:12:09.720 Store.orderman.com to find that. That's right. All right, Kip. I appreciate you, man. Guys,

01:12:15.340 I appreciate you. Great questions today. We'll keep the questions rolling and hopefully we can give you

01:12:18.800 some answers that give you some, some new perspective. I know we don't always get it

01:12:21.960 right, but, or even answer your question, but certainly not your names, but hopefully we give

01:12:29.700 you something else to chew on. That's, that's the whole goal. And that's why we do what we do. So

01:12:32.860 guys, we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant

01:12:37.260 to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:12:42.100 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:12:48.800 We'll be right back.

Order of Man - October 21, 2020

Strategies for Recovering "Nice Guys," Why Fighting Can Make You a Better Man, and Pros and Cons of Affirmations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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