Strength + Morality, What Historical Culture says it Means to be a Man | AK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 6 minutes
Words per Minute
190.99863
Summary
On this episode of the Ask Me Anything podcast, we have a special guest on the show today. This week's guest is a member of the Iron Council. We talk about his journey with the organization and what it means to be a man of action. He also talks about the upcoming event he is hosting in Maine called The Main Event.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
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This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Kip, what's going on, man? Glad to be joining you for another Ask Me Anything.
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Is that what it is? Wow. We're doing good, man.
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I can't believe we've been doing this for, I guess, almost a year now because we haven't missed a week, so almost a year.
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I'm enjoying it, man. I'm a little stressed out today. I've got to be honest.
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I took a time out in my day to be on this call because I've been tearing apart the barn, which looks really, really cool,
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and I'm excited to go back out there and work on it more.
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Yeah, and I'm assuming that's a little bit of a hard transition.
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I find it as a hard transition to be doing manual labor and working physically hard and then get behind a computer.
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I don't know. For whatever reason, for me, that is a difficult thing to do.
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Yeah, that must just be you because I can transition like you wouldn't believe.
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No, it is hard because I get in the mode of – well, right now, it's just destruction mode, which is kind of nice.
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I went and bought a 10-pound sledgehammer yesterday, and I've just been bashing stuff in the barn, and it's been a good release for me,
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and it's been a good workout, too. Oh, my goodness.
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Yeah, you're going to be out, man, for the main event.
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Those of you guys who don't know, if you want, we still have a few spots.
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I think we're shutting down registration here pretty quickly, but we've got an event out here in Maine, August 10th and 11th
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with a dinner for the Iron Council members on the 9th.
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But, yeah, check it out, orderofman.com slash main event.
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My wife and I drove to NASCAR over the weekend, and the reason I say that is because we had hours and hours of sitting in the car,
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hashing out some ideas and thinking about what we want to do, and it's coming together, man.
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I'm really, really excited about it, and it's going to be a good event for the guys, for sure.
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Well, on that subject, Paul Karaman, he actually had a question about the main event,
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and I know we haven't really even told our listeners what this episode of the podcast is,
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but he was actually wondering if you could share any tidbits about that main event.
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Yeah, you know, I was thinking a lot about the overview or the themes of what we're going to be addressing there in the event,
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and I would say that number one is a level of clarity.
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That's really ultimately my goal is to help guys get very, very clear on what they want to accomplish over the next 90 days.
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So we're all going to be working through battle plans.
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Guys will be split up in teams, and they'll be working together.
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They'll be poking holes in each other's battle plans to shore these things up,
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to make sure they're airtight, and to make sure they actually get accomplished.
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There's also the communication and camaraderie that we're going to have with other men.
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I was just having a conversation earlier today with one of our team leaders in the Iron Council,
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and he said one of his team members joined because the guy said that more of his friends seem to be worried about electronic social media,
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their phone, all that kind of stuff, as opposed to getting together and actually having a real brotherhood.
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And that's what the camaraderie will do at the event.
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I've noticed at the other events that we've had, I mean, there's guys that came to our very, very first uprising three years ago now.
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We called ourselves the Terrible 20, and they're still very, very terrible.
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They're still battle brothers, if you will, holding each other accountable.
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So you're going to have other guys who want to accomplish things, who are willing to invest in themselves because they're there.
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And then you're going to have, lastly, the cooperation of these guys working together, trying to achieve,
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trying to work through the battle plans, trying to ensure that they're doing big things with their marriages
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and their fitness goals and their career aspirations and really just every facet of life.
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We've got some physical exercise and activities.
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I don't want to give away too much of that stuff because some of it's a surprise,
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but you're going to be pushed physically, mentally, emotionally.
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And every day I'm thinking about something new that I want to add,
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and I'm just worried we don't have enough time to get it all in.
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Yeah, and Chris Gatch goes like, stop, stop, come up with the ideas.
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And I want to tell you guys what it is so bad, but I'm not going to do it.
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And if you don't, you'll see the video and you'll want to come to the next one.
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What's going to happen is you guys are all going to show up.
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And then Ryan's like, all right, you mow this part of my yard.
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Hey, Kip, you guys, you go over there, you put some fences in.
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We'll end up just being free labor for the whole weekend.
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Somebody who's done that very well is Joe DeSena with the Spartan Races.
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When you go to one of his events, I went to his Spartan Agoge several years ago.
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And yeah, we were doing work on his ranch, on his farm.
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There might be a few little odds and ends here, but it's not going to be like that.
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So we're fielding questions from the Iron Council.
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We're fielding questions from the Facebook group.
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I think we've got some really, really good questions.
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I went through them this morning and we've got some very thoughtful questions.
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So if you've got a question, make sure you're asking those in the Facebook group or inside
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the Iron Council and we'll do our best to answer them.
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Can't always say we're right, but hopefully we give you something to consider and think
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about and get you pointed in somewhat of the right direction.
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And that actually ties into what I was just going to say is that every once in a while
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I hear from somebody, it's usually somebody who's bitter or resentful that they're not
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out creating what I am or what they want to be creating.
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And so they'll say, well, who makes you the expert?
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Nobody, you know, I've never said I'm the expert.
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Like I'm, I'm really doing well in life and some things and you know what?
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So I'll tell you if I am, I'll tell you if I'm the guy to ask, I'll tell you if I'm not
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And well, like I said, just, well, like you said, it's just, it's perspective, give you
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the perspective and hopefully what you learn will broaden your horizons and help you accomplish
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That's what, that's what the order man is all about is about giving us the tools and
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the conversations and resources that you need to step up as a man.
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And give those things so you can give it some consideration.
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I mean, even if we are a hundred percent accurate on some of these questions, do you think we
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even come close to having enough data to be a, to give an exact correct answer all the
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And should you be following it blindly personally to even answer those questions?
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Just different perspectives, give you a broader sense of the picture.
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And then ultimately, so your life, you got to make the decision.
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So Ryan mentioned two things, Facebook and the iron council, uh, to join us on Facebook,
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you guys can go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man.
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And then to join our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council, you can learn more at order
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So our first question, we have a handful of questions here from our iron council brothers.
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Uh, and I probably slaughtered that a little bit, Chris.
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I'm just saying, I don't, I know that's not it.
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I will just to start this off by saying I learned from every one of these guys.
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I learn and gain a new perspective that I just hadn't considered before.
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I mean, that's one of the best things about running this organization is I get to have
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Uh, but who are my favorite or, or some of the best, uh, Jocko willing Jocko three.
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In fact, I think I'm going to be interviewing him in another month.
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Uh, but Jocko three was really good because we sat down and did it face to face.
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Uh, John Eldridge is always one of my favorites because he's been so instrumental on my path
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If you don't know who he is, uh, he, among other things, he's the author of wild at heart,
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If you haven't read that, that's actually, I think that that book actually couples very well
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So if you want two good books, read those together.
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And I think you'll get a pretty good handle on the foundation of masculinity.
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Um, yeah, man, I've, I've got some good ones coming out.
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We had just had a conversation last week, released that yesterday.
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Matt best is coming out next week, man, so many, and it's hard to pick just one or two
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or three out of the, I don't know, 200 that we've done now.
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I was thinking about your, your cop out response there at the, at the initial of that question
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And it's funny, I think it's like kids, like you don't really, honestly, you really don't
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And so I think it's the same way with these men that you interview is there's certain aspects
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that I completely love about the Jocko interview.
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And then there's another aspect of Goggins that I'm just like, man, it's such a great
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And then, uh, and just Gary, John Bishop's fresh on my mind just because you interviewed
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me a few weeks ago and I'm like, dude, I love that guy.
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And so it's just, but, but is he better than Jocko or was that a better interview?
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No, it's just a different aspect of it that I really appreciated that, that Jocko didn't
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Uh, I'm just looking through the list right now.
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Uh, Garrett, like you said, Gary, John Bishop was really good.
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Well, and your interview yesterday with Soren is, is pretty, pretty awesome.
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Elliot Hulse, that was another really good one.
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Ben, uh, Ben Greenfield's got some good ones there.
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You probably hold onto them better because you actually did the interview, but I mean,
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I have a hard time even remembering all, I mean, there's how many, how many episodes
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That's a lot of things to try to remember to figure out.
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Which person in history embodied masculinity and being a man to the greatest degree?
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Uh, the, the guy that comes off right off the top of my mind is, uh, Theodore Roosevelt.
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I mean, born and, and, and spent much of his childhood with a, with a, uh, medical condition.
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His father didn't pull any punches and didn't take it easy on him and said, Hey, we're going
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to, I can't remember if it was asthma or some other respiratory illness that he was dealing
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But his father said, here's how you overcome that.
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So he went to work and he got strong and he started boxing and then he was with the rough
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And ultimately we know it became, went on to become the president and his conservation,
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So if you want a man throughout history who embodies what it is we're talking about, go
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And you're going to learn really quickly why this is somebody I really admire and respect
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I, I haven't for a while, but I was really on a early American history kick for a while
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And George Washington is a fascinating, fascinating individual.
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Um, and I'm, I'm always impressed by him with his leadership abilities and his clarity
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And so a lot of the biographies that I've read on him, uh, show and share his human side
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We do have to be very careful of idolizing these historical figures because they were human,
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And ultimately I think we remember history, like history remembers them a little more favorably
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than maybe we would have had we been there because they become legends in a way.
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Like I think of somebody like, um, Julius Caesar, for example, I think generally speaking, people
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think, oh, this guy is incredible and he's amazing.
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And, and history has remembered him kindly, but he overthrew the Roman empire or I should
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say Roman Republic, which if that would have taken place now, he, he would have been the
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But we, we, we make these things more dramatic and glamorize them maybe more than they were.
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So we had to take it with a grain of salt, but those are two historical figures that really
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The one that crossed my mind was, is just George Washington.
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I mean, he was, he was the first and the last president to never seek that office.
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He had, he believed in his purpose and, and I love the fact that he had faults, you know,
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and, and he was, I mean, George was, George was something else, man.
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I mean, snuck around across the river on Christmas Eve and slit some throats.
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So, uh, but I, I love the fact that, that he, his, he had a sense of humility and he
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had a sense of calling that was just amazing to me.
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And if you guys are ever in, I, I, one of my favorite books on George Washington is called
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the real George Washington by, uh, Andrew Al, uh, Allison.
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I think it is really, really good book and it, and it's insightful and it's just, um,
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it's full of a lot of data from multiple sources.
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And so you, you don't get this typical author, like trying to over glamorize them.
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But also not breaking them down and, you know what I mean?
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And demonize just a real look at it, really fair look at, at George Washington, who he
00:14:58.120
Jordan Stanley, do you have a vision and, or a current working on a way outside of Facebook
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to better connect order of men guys with each other other than in, uh, with each other in
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Obviously iron council connects us digitally, but I want to better connect and reach to
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those that haven't taken the plunge, but are definitely on the journey of sovereignty.
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Well, yeah, I've really thought for years now that regional chapters and, and, and local
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And the other concern I have is how do you maintain the standard?
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Like how do you maintain the guys or, or ensure that the guys in Seattle are doing the same
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thing as the guys in Florida, or at least running their organizations the same way.
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So I almost look at this as a franchise model, but making sure there's some semblance of a,
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a system across the board that if you go to and meet as a visitor, the guys in Florida,
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you're going to get the same level and type of experience that you would with the guys
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in Montana or Australia or wherever it happens to be.
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So I still think that's one of the evolutions that we will include that will really take it
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I've actually considered at points closing down the Facebook group altogether because it's
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just, it's not that I don't want to say I want to close it because it's hard to
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It's just, it's very, very difficult to keep it on track.
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There is so, there are so many men, I shouldn't even say men, little boys out there who just
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And then if it's not that, then they just want to be assholes.
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And I'm really working closely with our moderator team to ensure that we can maintain the course
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That's why I really value the iron council because Jordan and everybody else in there
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is they're paying to be there, which means that they're invested in themselves, which
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means that the caliber of conversations and men that are in there is, is inevitably going
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Generally, I'm not saying there aren't caliber men in the Facebook group.
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I'm saying generally and overall, the caliber is increased.
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Nolan Connell, have you researched president Lincoln as a leader?
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Have you president, uh, have you researched president Lincoln as a leader?
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If so, what did you learn from him and what do you see things that we could learn from
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him and put into our daily lives as we grow to become better leaders ourselves?
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You know, I haven't really researched Lincoln as a leader.
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The only book I really read on him was, uh, what's the guy's name?
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The guy who wrote killing Lincoln and killing Kennedy and no, I'm no, I'm really bad at
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But the only book I've read on Lincoln is that killing Lincoln.
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And it was a really insightful look into his life and who he was, but it really didn't
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study it as a leader, more just who he was, what happened throughout his life, how he ultimately
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Um, so I can't give you a very clear answer on that.
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Although he is obviously somebody who has led effectively in some very difficult times.
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All right, Aaron Getz, are you concerned about bad actors infiltrating the IC as an attempt
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As the order of man movement grows, it could become a bigger target for whacktivists who
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are looking to tarnish the order of man for no other reason than their misguided attitude
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Perhaps this ties into your vision of vetting new members in the IC as it grows.
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Uh, I haven't been too concerned about that because we can weed those individuals out
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Um, although as we continue to grow, I'm sure we'll experience more and more of that.
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So it's just something we need to maintain some vigilance about.
00:19:05.880
Uh, I do see in a, in a very, in a not too distant future, capping the iron council and just
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opening it up once or twice a year and that's it.
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Uh, and then really vetting who comes into the iron council because I, you're only as
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And I want to continue to improve the caliber of men in there and shore up everybody's experience.
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Uh, and this is also part of the reason, again, what I said about the Facebook group,
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you know, it's very easy for people to come in who really aren't interested in being
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a better man that are just interested in being an a-hole and, and throwing a wrench in the
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So it's unfortunate because we have all these tools, but because we have these tools, access
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Uh, we need to report these types of things as they come up so we can handle them.
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My, me and my team handle them correctly and just keep driving on.
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And, you know, I've, I've gotten these types of things in the past and I block and report
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And I'll keep doing that as we continue to grow, but I'm sure we'll experience more and
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more of it, but such as the way of creating a movement that's meaningful in life.
00:20:13.520
Well, and I think, I mean, I think the iron council is such an intimate setting that this
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You know, if I had a guy on echo back in the day that was not there for the right purpose,
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One, he wouldn't put in the work to become a better man.
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Like we would immediately call him out and go, what's your deal?
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He'd probably leave because it was too much work to try to infiltrate.
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And, and he wouldn't be able to participate because, because he was acting like that.
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I think that'd be difficult to weed themselves out by default.
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Is like, we want men who, whether it's men who just aren't willing to do what they need
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to do or men who are there for different purposes, you know, not, not noble intentions.
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I think all that stuff takes care of itself through the systems that we have, like you said,
00:21:21.520
So, Roger Taylor, hey, Ryan and Kip, what are your thoughts about Jack Donovan's In the
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Way of Men described the four masculine virtues, strength, courage, mastery, and honor?
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If you haven't listened to my podcast with Jack Donovan, go back and listen to that.
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Very, very powerful conversation between him and I.
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I think is what he calls them, the tactical virtues.
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Now, I don't know if those are the only virtues, but I definitely think, what is it?
00:22:02.280
And it's funny because every time you say that, somebody's like, well, women can do that
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And men can be empathetic and kind, which is something we would generally consider a feminine
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So I'm not saying that women aren't capable of displaying courage or mastery or bravery or
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I'm just saying they're generally and inherently masculine.
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So I subscribe to the tactical virtues and try to live my life in accordance with them.
00:22:29.900
Brandon Stoll, Ryan, since starting the order of man and Kip, since becoming involved, what
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has been your favorite moment, activity, memory, and et cetera, that you've been involved
00:22:46.080
And the legacy, for those of you who don't know, is an event.
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It's a two and a half day event, actually three and a half days, I think.
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We were running them in Southern Utah when I lived out there and all of it was designed
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to forge a tighter bond and make fathers more capable and their boys more capable.
00:23:03.780
So we pushed them physically, mentally, emotionally, pushed them in all ways, kept them up late,
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asked them to do things they've never done before, asked them to have some difficult
00:23:15.220
I'm looking at my code of conduct I created with my boys there at that event.
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It was one of the most impactful and memorable experiences that I've had in the past, well,
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So the events, there's nothing like the events that we put together.
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I think it's like your question about your favorite interview, right?
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Like I have all these kind of favorite moments for me, probably just my time being a battle
00:23:43.560
team leader with Echo and some of the conversations that we had as was part of our team calls and
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the conversation, the sharing, the advice, the coaching, the just the powerful conversations
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on that team have been what some of my favorite moments, I would say participating in legacy
00:24:02.400
last year was was really powerful, as well as the uprisings and guys at the Nashville meetup
00:24:11.960
And, and even just guys reaching out and expressing their appreciation for, um, what the podcast
00:24:19.880
has done for them and what the iron council has done and, and getting that feedback from
00:24:24.920
them about, um, you know, how this movement has impacted them.
00:24:30.280
Um, maybe it's just me needing my ego stroked a little bit, but when that happens, it just
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kind of fires me up and I go, damn, you know what?
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This is, it rejuvenates me and reminds me how, how impactful, um, this is and, and how
00:24:46.100
Sometimes I have a tendency to think that like, like, what are, what are we doing?
00:24:49.340
We're just talking in circles and, and it, and it's not, I don't know.
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Like sometimes I, I downplay the importance of what we're doing and then, and then someone
00:24:58.260
reaches out and then all of a sudden I get rejuvenated and I think, oh yeah, this is needed.
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I think it would be easy to think that, but I, but I also, I would be very cautious to
00:25:15.520
It's okay to be motivated by recognition that other people see what you're doing and that
00:25:21.500
We, we, we live in a really interesting time in that you're supposed to be overly or overly
00:25:29.340
And I think we've, a lot of us have lost the meaning of humility that we can't be excited
00:25:33.820
for our victories and we can't be excited for, uh, a praise or acknowledgement or recognition.
00:25:40.000
And I think you should be able to say, thank you.
00:25:44.300
I think it's great as if it acts as fuel to help you continue to do things.
00:26:00.820
Well, you got to think what your motive is too, right?
00:26:02.820
Is it just to prop yourself up or is it, Oh, that was nice to hear.
00:26:06.000
Now I can keep going and keep doing what I'm, what I'm doing.
00:26:12.180
Nicholas Bean, what are some values you would, you would adopt from another culture country
00:26:17.820
to further enhance your understanding of what it means to be a man?
00:26:23.800
And I don't know if there's a specific culture where I would think that, Oh, I've got to adopt
00:26:32.660
That I, that I espouse, whether it's honor or, uh, uh, uh,
00:26:44.940
That's something that's been on my mind, uh, is that be, be masterful at everything you
00:26:49.860
do from this podcast to a message I might post on, on Facebook to a conversation that
00:26:55.860
I might have to the way that we are building out our barn and really trying to be a master
00:27:01.220
craftsman in all that I do and taking pride in the way the small things look.
00:27:05.500
So the big things work much better and people see those things.
00:27:09.720
So I'm not sure there's a culture necessarily, although, uh, the samurai culture is something
00:27:15.260
I'm interested in, in like Bushido that I'm studying and looking into.
00:27:21.560
Um, I always look into warrior culture, even if it's here in the States and, and, and, and
00:27:28.100
look at the level of commitment and sacrifice and courage that these men and women display.
00:27:35.340
So I'm not sure if there's one culture where I think I've got to have what that one culture
00:27:40.640
No, I just try to create those values that are important to me and implement it the best
00:27:47.860
You know what I love about your response, Ryan is I think all of those, and correct me
00:27:53.320
if I'm wrong, um, maybe I'm suggesting this, but kind of a lot of those there's, there's
00:28:04.180
Like that's what I love about a lot of warrior codes and, uh, like the ways of the samurai and,
00:28:11.440
you know, other cultures is there's, there's clear path.
00:28:14.460
I think other cultures have done an amazing job in creating a clear path of what it means
00:28:22.060
And, and those kinds of things draw me in a lot.
00:28:25.340
I was having a conversation with my cousin just this past weekend about this very subject
00:28:29.040
is, you know, do our young boys, do my boys know what it is to be a man?
00:28:35.540
And, and by default, I think we could all be in agreement that culture, our culture, American
00:28:40.360
Western culture does not clearly identify that.
00:28:42.940
If anything, it's, oh, it's whatever you want, Timmy, you know, it's not, and it's
00:28:49.400
And so, so when I hear about those cultures, those codes of conduct and, and really, you
00:28:54.620
know, kind of even what you're saying that you created with your, with your, uh, boys
00:28:59.460
at the legacy event, you know, having your own code of conduct is like, man, that that's
00:29:03.580
the definition of what it means to be a Michler.
00:29:05.540
That's what, that's the definition of being a man.
00:29:07.740
And, and I love those frameworks for us to like work into.
00:29:12.840
What's interesting is that I get a lot of call, uh, conversations and, and dissent with
00:29:18.060
people saying, well, being a man is being whatever the hell you want to be.
00:29:20.780
Well, that's not true throughout all of history, throughout most of cultures and most of society.
00:29:27.900
If you were to look at a cross-cultural reference of what it means to be a man, it's strikingly
00:29:35.080
similar throughout all of time and all of history and all of cultures, even cultures that weren't
00:29:39.900
introduced to Western culture, for example, that are almost near isolation, still adhere
00:29:56.140
Being a man, isn't being whatever you think you want to be.
00:30:01.060
That might mean something else, but it doesn't mean you're a man.
00:30:03.660
If you want a great book on, on the subject, and it's a little bit difficult to get through,
00:30:11.820
The subtitle is cultural concepts of masculinity.
00:30:19.740
It's a really, really fascinating book at, um, how cultures throughout all of history have
00:30:26.240
And it's very, very similar across all cultures, which means that there's something outside
00:30:31.640
of this, this myth of societal, uh, construction and that it's actually deeper than that, more
00:30:45.200
Uh, so George Hoyer, how does coping with the loss of two of your most important mentors
00:30:53.240
I'm asking because I lost both my maternal grandparents in the past six months.
00:30:57.500
My grandfather died late January and my grandmother passed away early in June.
00:31:02.420
They were my elders, my mentors, and my best friends beside my parents.
00:31:06.720
There, there wasn't a thing I couldn't tell them.
00:31:09.960
And now there's that void that they're no longer with us.
00:31:16.580
Well, first I want to say, I'm sorry for your loss.
00:31:18.360
I know that can be a very difficult thing, especially if people are close to you.
00:31:21.720
I realize that's challenging and hard and I've gone through that and experienced that.
00:31:25.620
And it's definitely a difficult thing to do now at the risk of sounding cold hearted.
00:31:38.460
If you are to be mentored by somebody for the, for your entire life forever,
00:31:46.720
And I know this is coming across cold because we're talking about your family and your grandparents,
00:31:51.940
And I'm not trying to dismiss this, but what I'm saying is that there's going to be people
00:31:56.060
who come into your life and then they're going to leave.
00:31:59.560
You're going to grow outgrow their, their coaching.
00:32:06.640
How far can you progress if you've slipped into some level of comfort and maybe you became
00:32:14.640
so comfortable with sharing everything with your grandparents that it actually hindered your
00:32:20.420
ability to grow further than what they could have offered you.
00:32:23.860
And now you have to deal with not only the, the, the emotional pain of losing people you
00:32:35.020
That's great because what that does is that represents an opportunity for you to grow and
00:32:40.640
expand and reach out of your current comfort zone to find a new mentor who may fill a void
00:32:47.060
that you didn't even recognize was there because you were in this level of comfort and potentially
00:32:55.820
It's difficult when people come into your life and they leave for whatever reason.
00:32:59.360
It's difficult when you change things, whether it's a new career or you leave old friends,
00:33:03.620
friends behind, or you move to a new place like we've done over the past six to eight weeks.
00:33:10.200
But in those moments you have opportunity for growth.
00:33:15.660
You get to see gaps that you didn't previously recognize because you might've been using somebody
00:33:21.300
So although I recognize how difficult it must be, I also am optimistic for you and you should
00:33:29.400
And knowing that there's a gap now, which means that you recognize it because you said there's
00:33:36.600
Now you get to go out and fill it in a way that maybe you didn't get to before.
00:33:45.160
It doesn't make it easier because you're talking about losing your loved ones, but it's natural.
00:33:50.660
And in many ways it's good because now you get to grow and advance and down the road,
00:33:56.800
maybe even now you start turning around and helping those who are coming up behind you.
00:34:01.380
And you honor them by growing beyond them, right?
00:34:05.360
By taking this void and being exactly what they intend you to be without them mentoring
00:34:16.260
Josh Harris, what is the lesson that has taken you the longest to learn?
00:34:34.960
People always say, in fact, that's one of my pet peeves.
00:34:37.400
When people say the destination is the journey.
00:34:41.720
And I need to get there as soon as I possibly can.
00:34:46.980
And it's really hard for me to wrap my head around.
00:34:50.760
I will enjoy getting there because that's what I'm trying to do.
00:34:54.040
And then I'll look back and think, okay, well, that was fun, but I'm here now.
00:34:58.480
So patience is always, always the hard one for me, you know, and it's something I'm actively
00:35:04.800
It's something that I'm striving to be better at.
00:35:10.700
I mean, this even filters down little things like doing a project.
00:35:14.060
I built this desk for, uh, my office for podcasting and I used the old stable door from the barn
00:35:20.900
and refurbished it, built this cool iron frame out of like steel gas pipe.
00:35:27.740
It looks really good, but it was hard even just to let the stain just sit on the thing
00:35:38.360
It's just something I need to be very, very aware of.
00:35:44.060
I would say mine is, um, and it's funny before I say this, it's unique to certain relationships,
00:35:52.200
but mine is like really clear communication with my spouse.
00:35:58.760
Like if I'm upset and I'm bothered by something, my default innate behavior is to not communicate
00:36:08.740
it, get pissed off, walk around the house, all grumpy.
00:36:13.900
And, and have this, I don't know, like covert contract where I haven't clearly communicated
00:36:19.940
in regards to anything, not establishing a boundary of some sort, make them pay without
00:36:33.260
And so it's, it's tough, you know, and, and, and it's funny, I'll get on a kick for a while
00:36:40.220
And all of a sudden I'm, I'm kind of grumpy and it's just not, it's man, it is not healthy.
00:36:46.540
Um, with that said though, just for you guys that might struggle with the same kind of thing,
00:36:51.320
it's like, I told my wife, um, just, it was a couple of weeks ago.
00:36:54.140
I'm like, Hey honey, I've, I've done a really poor job in my communication and whatnot.
00:36:58.340
Just so you know, I'm going to be really open with you in the near future.
00:37:05.080
And, and my ask of you is to not, I will do my best to communicate effectively and exactly
00:37:15.460
This isn't like, Hey honey, I'm pissed off because you didn't do X, X, X.
00:37:20.220
The communication is really, for most things that really bother you, it's actually much
00:37:29.660
And so the communication is really, Hey, this happened and it made me feel this way.
00:37:40.300
Just me being clear in my communication, just letting her know where I'm at.
00:37:44.620
Um, and, and it's amazing how just that communication, not her changing,
00:37:50.680
not her doing anything different, just the communication of what's going on really opens
00:37:56.580
things up for me and makes me feel a hundred percent better.
00:37:59.240
So I don't know that that's my, that's my Achilles heel.
00:38:03.660
The things that we really waiting for me to get, get over this shit.
00:38:07.540
So it's funny to me, the things that we, that we find difficult, that is not a difficulty
00:38:13.960
If something's bothering me, everybody's going to know exactly what's bothering me because
00:38:18.880
I don't want to, I don't want, I don't want there to be any guesswork about what's
00:38:25.740
And my wife is a lot more, more like you in that if she's mad, she takes it all.
00:38:31.640
And I'm like, just tell me what's wrong and then I'll fix it.
00:38:40.640
We're all different at and what's at the root of it, right?
00:38:45.760
It's like how you're raised and how you, what, what, what example you saw between your mom
00:38:51.000
and dad and how they communicated and how did they address things and, and how it was supported.
00:38:55.900
You know, if, if you, if you were, if you shared your feelings and they were always mocked, well, of course, then you're going to be less likely to share your feelings, you know?
00:39:06.260
So, so it really comes down to a lot of it, I think has to do with just our personalities, innate personalities, but also how those behaviors were supported from your family and your friends from the time you were little.
00:39:27.000
Well, I wouldn't say I'm patient, but it's not like, you know, it's not like I'm getting frustrated staring at the desk cause the stains not dry yet.
00:39:37.700
But in the same breath, like you could see where that has benefited you.
00:40:10.220
How do you not have anxiety when dealing with your spouse's anxiety, staying calm and collected
00:40:32.920
And I think it's got to be pure in your motives.
00:40:36.320
It's got to serve you and also your family as a whole.
00:40:40.920
Now ask yourself, is the way that I'm behaving right now, helping me accomplish this goal
00:40:45.000
is me losing my cool or having anxiety or being all stressed out because she is moving
00:40:54.580
Otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question, you know, that this is hindering performance.
00:41:00.140
So I think you might in a way be losing sight of what you're trying to accomplish and then
00:41:06.880
implementing tools, whether it's communication or keeping your emotions in check, using those
00:41:16.640
It's hard to do in the moment because we lose our cool.
00:41:20.620
I want it done now, so I tend to get snippy occasionally with other people if things are
00:41:25.860
taking too long, but I constantly, constantly am reminding myself, is this helping complete
00:41:35.100
And what's interesting and ironic about that in my situation is that if patience is an issue
00:41:40.980
and I lose my cool with everybody, I actually produce the exact opposite of what I'm trying
00:41:46.020
to do, which is it takes longer and it's less effective when I behave like that.
00:41:51.100
So are you using the effective tool or using the right tool in the right situation?
00:41:55.080
If the answer is no, make corrections and use the right tool for the right outcome.
00:42:01.480
It's a, it's a decision by the way, unless you're dealing with some sort of mental, uh, or chemical
00:42:08.860
It's a decision that I'm going to, I'm not going to be patient.
00:42:17.840
It's a decision not to address that anxiety correctly.
00:42:22.040
These are all choices that you can make in your life.
00:42:25.120
So give yourself some space and margin, start thinking more about it and then make the right
00:42:32.100
Don't subject yourself to, it's just the way that I am.
00:42:42.020
And if the way you're acting right now is not producing desired results, be different.
00:42:51.120
Warren Taylor, do you ever miss being downrange?
00:42:55.200
I've been back for two years and still find myself missing the simplicity of life in combat,
00:43:08.540
I feel like I was a good soldier, maybe not the best soldier that I could have been.
00:43:13.180
And there's moments that I think, oh, I should have exerted myself more, pushed a little harder.
00:43:22.760
I was proud of my service, but ultimately it was very difficult for me to do things that I didn't quite,
00:43:28.600
or I couldn't quite wrap my head around how this played out in the grand scheme of things,
00:43:37.520
And then ultimately you just have to follow orders.
00:43:39.400
I think it's the same reason I didn't make a great employee and why I'm a much better business owner than I ever was an employee.
00:43:48.280
Because I don't want to do things other people do.
00:43:52.940
I would rather reinvent the wheel if that meant I had full control over it than to do it some other way that I didn't like.
00:43:59.320
And maybe that's an entrepreneurial thing or just an independence thing.
00:44:04.800
It's very, very difficult to be led by other people that I don't think were worthy of leadership.
00:44:10.280
It's very, very difficult for me to follow through on orders that I didn't necessarily agree with.
00:44:15.420
And that made me probably less effective as a soldier, but certainly liberating outside of being a soldier.
00:44:22.120
Which makes sense with you not being a victim and having sovereignty.
00:44:31.400
I think a lot of people aren't able to work for a boss that's ineffective,
00:44:36.220
to work for other people that they don't respect because they jumped on the victim path of,
00:44:44.740
And then they give their sovereignty and their life over to those individuals and just be a victim instead.
00:44:54.240
You can't deal with working for people like that.
00:44:58.200
Speaking of little nuances and trivial things with patience,
00:45:01.540
like waiting for the paint to dry thing that we were talking about a minute ago.
00:45:05.880
If I'm going somewhere and somebody says, oh, just hop in the car with me.
00:45:13.220
Because I don't want to, not that I don't want to hang out with people and be in the car with people.
00:45:16.920
I don't want to have to be subject to them on when we leave and where we're going
00:45:20.440
and what time we're doing this and what, no, I'll just get my own car.
00:45:22.620
And that way I can meet you there and I can leave when I want.
00:45:25.460
And I just like having that control over my life.
00:45:29.260
So that made it very difficult for me to operate in that way.
00:45:32.940
Now, I will say that some of the things that I do miss, I miss the camaraderie.
00:45:39.420
I miss being part of something that ultimately was bigger than myself.
00:45:45.060
And I felt like generally it was a very noble thing.
00:45:48.380
I missed wearing the uniform and being proud of that.
00:45:51.640
So there are elements of it I miss, but generally I'm pretty, pretty good with where I am right now.
00:46:00.520
We should all be able to say that really, to be frank.
00:46:06.500
Yeah, I think one of the things a lot of veterans deal with is they have a real sense of purpose and direction and clarity with regards to their military service.
00:46:15.640
And then when they're done, it's like, what now?
00:46:18.480
And if I could give one bit of advice to any veteran, I would say you have to find your next mission, your next battle, your next mission, your next target, whatever term you want to use.
00:46:28.400
But you had a mission before and you were very tied to it and you wrapped up your identity in it.
00:46:33.240
And that's part of the problem is that you were a soldier or you were a Marine or you were an airman or you were a sailor, whatever.
00:46:42.720
And now that that's gone, your identity is gone because it's a package deal.
00:46:49.320
So what you need to do is you need to find a new identity and be careful of wrapping up yourself in a new identity moving forward.
00:46:55.760
But you do need to find another mission that you can be excited about and be purposeful about.
00:47:01.020
This is why I think military members make great entrepreneurs because they can tie themselves to something that's deeply, deeply meaningful and then have this target fixation and have the discipline and dedication and sacrifice and commitment to see things through to the end.
00:47:19.140
But you got to find what that mission is going to be.
00:47:22.580
Timmy Taylor, thoughts on George Carlin's point of view about the pussification of the American male?
00:47:34.560
I was like, I don't know if there's another word I could use.
00:47:38.660
I mean that's probably pretty accurate actually.
00:47:44.100
I'm sure there's a bit or a speech or something he gives on it.
00:47:47.080
I think I've seen moments and clips of it but I would definitely agree that there is a softening and an overall feminization of society.
00:47:54.740
And unfortunately, it's producing less than stellar results for ourselves, specifically with regards to men.
00:48:01.660
And if you look at metrics of men compared to women, it's actually – it should be pretty alarming from college entry to grades that we're receiving to jobs that we're now securing.
00:48:17.300
And it's not that women are taking jobs from men.
00:48:23.760
And the reason that we're underperforming is because we're weak and we're soft and we're pathetic or at least we're trending that way.
00:48:32.200
And unfortunately, the only thing that's going to reverse that unless we voluntarily decide to reverse it ourselves is some catastrophic event where we're required to step up.
00:48:41.580
Where you have to step up or you will die or there will be some catastrophic loss or something in your life that will happen if you don't step up.
00:48:50.540
Sometimes we operate best when our backs are against the wall because we prove ourselves capable of doing things that we didn't know we could do.
00:48:59.400
This is why I say we have to place ourselves under voluntary hardship from getting up early and going to the gym to saying yes to the things that scare us to taking on more responsibility to exerting ourselves and pushing harder than we have physically, mentally, emotionally.
00:49:14.880
These are the ways that we harden and strengthen ourselves in an overall softening of society.
00:49:21.460
And that's actually part of the problem is we aren't required to be a man anymore.
00:49:26.880
A hundred years ago, 150, 500, a thousand years ago, men were required to be men because they would die or members of the tribe would die.
00:49:36.860
In fact, you're encouraged not to be because it's significantly easier not to be the man.
00:49:42.940
But the problem is, is that when we're faced with difficulty, we don't know how to handle it because we've never proven ourselves capable of doing it or made ourselves more capable of doing so.
00:49:53.120
So in this day and age, you have to voluntarily decide if you're going to be a man.
00:49:58.740
And when I say be a man, I'm, I'm talking about acting like a man is that there's a difference between males and men.
00:50:06.560
A male is someone with the anatomy, the biology of man is that's a prerequisite, but a man is significantly more than that.
00:50:14.020
And you have to decide today if you want to be that or not.
00:50:19.040
So again, I don't know the entire bit, but I definitely think there's a weakening and a softening of society, which is a real shame.
00:50:26.420
It also, it also poses a great opportunity because those of us who recognize it and reject it, adamantly reject it and step into strength are the ones that are going to receive all the spoils.
00:50:44.140
We're going to get the happiness, the fulfillment, the strength, whatever, whatever you want.
00:50:50.060
And the weak ones will continue to cry and gripe about how other people are always lucky and why they can never catch a break.
00:50:57.720
And they'll try to advocate and legislate these, these things like equality and of income and giving all these weak people all the benefits that they haven't earned.
00:51:11.140
The strong people are always going to receive those benefits because they've earned them.
00:51:20.120
If you, if you have a strong man who's not moral and noble, he's going to steal from the weak.
00:51:26.520
So we have an obligation to be two things, strong and capable and moral.
00:51:33.180
Because we're not, I'm not advocating for taking from the weak.
00:51:36.960
I'm advocating for growing and expanding and leveling up your position in life and then defending the weak from those who are strong but not moral.
00:51:54.920
So, all right, Cody, uh, uh, pop and choke, pop and choke.
00:52:04.320
Um, you know, how do, how does he focus on spending one-on-one time with his kids when his time with his kids is limited via divorce?
00:52:20.660
Um, well, you know, obviously your one-on-one interaction in time is going to be,
00:52:26.820
Otherwise, you wouldn't be asking the question.
00:52:31.320
Maybe it's, it's, it's that you see them all together or both at the same time and you make the best with, with what you can.
00:52:40.620
If you have a amicable relationship with your ex or, or their, their mother, uh, that you can get some extra time.
00:52:48.620
Maybe there's a, maybe on a Wednesday night after school, it's, you know, Hey, can I come get a little, little Billy?
00:52:54.820
And we just go to get some ice cream and we'll be gone for half an hour.
00:52:58.920
And that would be outside of your arranged visit times or whatever circumstance you have worked out.
00:53:03.660
I don't know the intricacies of your situation, but I think if you can be amicable towards your ex and their mother, uh, and, and have a good relationship and trust me, a lot of that is on you.
00:53:14.180
Now I know there's some, some, some vengeful women out there who just, who want nothing more than to tear your life apart.
00:53:21.800
I think that's probably exception rather than the rule, but I definitely think there's things that you can do to improve that situation.
00:53:27.640
So that coming back to our previous question, you can utilize your tools effectively to produce outcomes, which is seeing your kids being involved in their lives.
00:53:37.160
So, you know, if it's limited, see them together, spend time with them together, and then see if there's some things that you can do outside of that.
00:53:43.560
To get some one-on-one time between visiting them every couple of weeks or whatever it may be.
00:53:49.300
You might have some other situations, Kip, because you're, you're a little closer to the situation than I am.
00:53:55.660
I, the only thing I could think is even, even if you have a, an ex spouse that is very bitter still, it is really surprising how often, um, she might be willing to have you help.
00:54:10.540
So, even though it's not part of the quote-unquote arrangement of custody, um, she's going to move on.
00:54:18.600
You being able to grab the kids for the night, don't make it a legal thing.
00:54:23.660
Um, like you're already alluding to, Ryan, you know, see if you can take Timmy out for the weekend, you know, or for the night and go grab some ice cream.
00:54:30.460
Um, and have date nights during the week and, and that helps her because she's going to be struggling.
00:54:35.900
She's going to be in a tough spot where now all of a sudden she's hitting, being hit with the reality of being a single mother, um, and trying to pull that out on her own.
00:54:44.540
And so, um, look at, look for it as an opportunity to help her in her situation and, and use that to take advantage of some additional time with the kids.
00:54:53.040
Um, just don't make it, see it come, come from the angle of helping her, not from the angle of like, I want more time and they're my kids too.
00:55:07.520
There's time to fight, fight when that time is, yeah.
00:55:10.800
Um, but when the fighting's over and, and the courts, unfortunately, have probably decided on your behalf in regards to how much you should see your kids now look for opportunities to help her and then use those opportunities to spend more time with your kids.
00:55:27.080
I would say be careful about your, your words and actions towards your children will come, will circle back to her as well.
00:55:33.740
So understand your goal, your objective is to be with your kids.
00:55:38.980
So do the things that are going to help you get closer to them and say the things that are going to help you get closer to them.
00:55:44.420
If you have to fight in battle, do that between her and you don't get your kids involved as a tool.
00:55:50.020
Cause that's going to circle back around and it's going to create more contention and animosity.
00:55:54.460
And it's going to be less likely that you're going to see them because you're doing stuff like that.
00:56:01.320
Even if you don't like the situation, play the long game, be wise, make good decisions.
00:56:07.540
Cause it's going to impact you and, and your kids as well.
00:56:11.200
And, and keep in mind that if that will, that scenario will affect your relationship or their relationship with you in a negative way.
00:56:19.440
You cannot be, you cannot have a parent and love your parent and have someone else speak ill of them and not be a child and have that reflect back on who you are.
00:56:34.660
I mean, think about the last time somebody started to gossip to you about an individual and you said, Oh, this person's really building authority and trust in my mind by complaining.
00:56:47.760
It's not the kind of person I want to be around.
00:56:49.780
Or what are they saying behind my back when I'm not here?
00:56:52.760
So it creates all sorts of little rifts in the relationship.
00:57:00.620
Should a person only invest in one financial, large, well-known financial company like Edward Jones or an invest in a company like Edward Jones and other small companies too, such as don't put all your eggs in one basket.
00:57:13.580
Well, you're not really investing in Edward Jones unless you're purchasing Edward Jones stock.
00:57:19.860
So that's what we need to, we need to separate that.
00:57:26.640
You can work with an Edward Jones financial advisor and they're going to advise you to invest in a portfolio.
00:57:33.040
That's hopefully going to be broadly diversified amongst hundreds, if not thousands of individual stocks.
00:57:39.920
So let's, let's make sure we're using the right terms here.
00:57:42.740
If you only use Edward Jones, I think that's fine as long as they have a well-diversified portfolio for you.
00:57:50.820
So you are not putting all your eggs in one basket.
00:57:54.560
I think sometimes it could be a mistake if we're using your, your story here to invest with an Edward Jones advisor and then have a Merrill Lynch advisor over here on the side.
00:58:05.500
I think that could potentially cause some problems because there's some obvious conflicts of interest there.
00:58:12.080
And, and what you have with Edward Jones may not jive with Merrill Lynch and what you have at Merrill Lynch may not jive with Edward Jones.
00:58:17.500
And so you've got this like competing and conflicting situation.
00:58:21.700
I would say the better route is if you're going to work with a financial advisor, find somebody who's reputable, find someone that you trust, get some referrals and introductions, interview these individuals and find a advisor, a advisor, one advisor who you can work with and cover all of those stock market based investment needs.
00:58:44.100
Now you might have a real estate agent who helps you with some real estate transactions.
00:58:48.100
You might have a business coach who helps you invest in your own business or something else.
00:58:54.100
But as far as the stock market goes, I think it's best to find one advisor who you have a good relationship with, who, who will do a good job for you.
00:59:02.400
And then invest your, your, uh, your portfolio wisely and, and broadly as well.
00:59:13.340
Chris Rice, his question, would you ever consider doing an order of man hunt at your place in Maine?
00:59:24.640
No, I'm not, I'm not going to like hunt on my property with order of man.
00:59:30.080
You don't want, you don't want 20 guys with guns around your house.
00:59:35.680
I don't want 20 guys scaring off the, the animals.
00:59:38.480
I, I like, no, would I go on hunts with guys in order of man?
00:59:45.280
Would I sit down with a good friend in a blind here on my property?
00:59:49.600
But I can't see facilitating any order of man like hunt here on my property.
01:00:06.100
Spencer Hancock, you speak often about the rites of passage for your boys.
01:00:10.620
I have three young sons and love the idea of doing this and having the one-on-one time
01:00:16.300
Where can I do, where can I go to get ideas to formulate a plan for each stage of the passage?
01:00:30.940
Just build it where you can fix it where you need to.
01:00:33.460
Um, you can go back and listen to a couple of podcasts.
01:00:36.180
If you just type in order of man, right of passage, you'll find one, uh, in June of 2017.
01:00:43.280
So two years ago I did a, it looks like a, it is a podcast, a podcast that talks about
01:00:52.500
different steps to have and different things to include in each of these steps.
01:00:58.980
But there's no, there's no resource, definitive resource to building a rite of passage.
01:01:03.680
And I'm actually glad there isn't because you're going to know your kids better than
01:01:08.060
You're going to know your kids better than what other people do.
01:01:10.060
I think these little frameworks that I've created here, uh, with this podcast and some
01:01:14.720
others that I have out there might be good, but build your own so that it's specific and
01:01:18.940
catered and unique to you and go back and listen to the couple of these podcasts.
01:01:22.280
I talk about on rites of passage, uh, and, and, and you'll be able to build something
01:01:29.300
There's a lot of, there's something to be said for you going through the process of
01:01:33.600
trying to be creative and come up with something.
01:01:37.320
And it's, and it's, and it could be unique to you and your family and, and, and, you know,
01:01:42.940
maybe part of it, just an idea that just crossed my mind is, you know, maybe you work through
01:01:46.980
the process of identifying your code of conduct or your mission or your values as a family.
01:01:53.460
And then you use that as the baseline of the rites of passage and you look, okay, how do
01:01:59.620
I, how do I emphasize these different areas of our code of conduct as part of this process?
01:02:07.760
I mean, there's value to looking to mentors to help walk you through some things, but then
01:02:11.920
there's also value in exploring it yourself and creating something.
01:02:15.340
Use the frameworks that I've put out there and, and build something that's going to be very,
01:02:24.080
Joe Sores, Ryan Mickler, what is the best way to motivate your wife to keep up the house
01:02:28.920
duties, which is something that doesn't come naturally?
01:02:31.640
We have a 10 year old and I am a sole sole provider and I am gone three, three to five
01:02:38.500
She is very insecure and is on meds for anxiety.
01:02:47.160
Is this something that you have discussed with her?
01:02:55.140
And I'm not saying that you expect her to do this stuff, but I'm saying that you two need
01:03:02.980
Maybe you think things need to be done and she has no idea because you haven't talked about
01:03:14.060
Let's say those two things you have communicated.
01:03:20.060
Is there some things that are keeping her back?
01:03:22.520
Is there some sort of resentment she has towards you?
01:03:28.020
Does she not have the resources or the time to do these things?
01:03:31.560
And if that's the answer and you start isolating why this is happening or not happening, then
01:03:39.420
She just doesn't have enough time to do this stuff, or she doesn't have the equipment that
01:03:42.980
she needs, or her standard of cleanliness is different than yours.
01:03:47.620
And that would be something good to get on the same page about.
01:03:55.180
We raise kids different than each other and we get on the same page because it's important,
01:04:01.560
It takes a lot of trust, it takes a lot of reflection on your part in figuring out why
01:04:06.440
and asking her why and talking with her about that so that you can come up with a solution
01:04:16.980
There's something that she's working through or not working through that you probably ought
01:04:20.880
to explore together because I can't imagine she doesn't want a clean home or doesn't want
01:04:34.040
Like we mentioned earlier, gentlemen, you can submit your questions to the AMA episode
01:04:40.120
of the Order of Man podcast via our Facebook group.
01:04:43.080
You can join that group at facebook.com slash group slash Order of Man or you can be a member
01:04:49.980
To learn more about the Iron Council, go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.
01:04:55.860
To support and share the podcast and this movement, you can subscribe to the podcast, leave a rating
01:05:03.220
You can wear Order of Man swag by going to store.orderofman.com and you can follow Mr.
01:05:10.360
Mickler on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan Mickler.
01:05:14.120
We do have a few openings still for the Order of Man camp, August 10th through 11th.
01:05:21.900
To learn more, you can go to orderofman.com slash main event.
01:05:41.100
So if you're a member of the Iron Council, we have an exclusive meetup that evening before
01:05:49.900
And if you want to come to the meetup or the dinner the night before and you're not a member
01:05:56.160
of the Iron Council, join the Iron Council at registration and then shoot us an email
01:06:01.040
and we'll make sure you have the information for the dinner the night before.
01:06:10.880
Thank you for being on this path with us and stepping up and encouraging us and holding
01:06:17.500
I know I, and I'm not going to speak for you, Kip, but I wouldn't be the same man if
01:06:21.460
it weren't for this movement and the guys here shining examples on how we as men ought
01:06:33.020
We'll be back on Friday for our Friday Field Notes.
01:06:38.480
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
01:06:41.540
If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
01:06:45.580
we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.