Order of Man - Stress-Reduction Strategies ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 I think it's imperative that if we hope to have powerful relationships,

00:00:04.740 and even in relationships that are important to us,

00:00:07.400 that we learn how to communicate effectively

00:00:09.900 because it's fair and right to give the other party

00:00:14.020 an opportunity to correct the behavior.

00:00:16.820 You've often heard me and other people say

00:00:18.500 that we train people how to treat us.

00:00:21.240 So if people are treating you unfairly,

00:00:24.480 it's probably because you've allowed it.

00:00:27.480 You're a man of action.

00:00:28.800 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:30.260 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:33.220 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:37.680 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:42.720 This is your life.

00:00:43.820 This is who you are.

00:00:45.220 This is who you will become.

00:00:46.940 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:49.980 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:52.820 Men's stress is something that every single one of us deals with on a daily basis,

00:00:57.060 whether it's a job loss, dealing with a struggling relationship, financial issues,

00:01:01.940 medical issues, or any number of things that we as men deal with on a regular basis,

00:01:07.080 it's crucial that we learn how to manage stress because that's going to help us succeed in life.

00:01:13.160 It's going to help us overcome trial and hardship and adversity.

00:01:17.160 It's going to help us communicate more effectively with the people that we love

00:01:21.180 and build and forge deeper friendships, whether they're romantic or partnerships or just friends.

00:01:28.340 And so we're going to share today some strategies that you can employ

00:01:32.100 in order to manage your stress more effectively and be more effective in your day-to-day life.

00:01:38.500 I'm sure like me that you are not interested in being stressed out to the max all the time

00:01:43.780 and having anxiety over certain things.

00:01:46.540 But if you're anything like me, there's sometimes a looming sense of stress and anxiety and worry

00:01:53.400 and frustration about the future and the uncertainty that it holds.

00:01:57.800 There's also a lot of fear associated with that as well.

00:02:00.940 These aren't issues that we as men often talk about.

00:02:04.340 If, again, you're anything like me, I don't want to appear weak.

00:02:08.460 I don't want to expose any sort of vulnerabilities or flaws or deficiencies in the way that I show up.

00:02:16.300 But I also know that it's crucial that we talk about it and we address it.

00:02:20.860 Because if we don't, we're not willing to acknowledge what we personally are dealing with,

00:02:26.060 then obviously we're not going to be able to correct the situation appropriately.

00:02:31.780 So I will say this before I get into it.

00:02:35.380 Excuse me.

00:02:36.060 That as I share these things, I hope it comes across in the spirit in which it's intended.

00:02:42.400 And that is to say that I don't have everything figured out.

00:02:46.180 I deal with these issues just as much, if not more, than maybe you do.

00:02:50.540 And I don't want to make it seem as if I'm putting myself ahead of the pack or that I know better than you.

00:02:58.040 I might have a certain level of success in some aspect of life that's further down the track than you are.

00:03:03.680 And I'm sure that you're more successful at elements and aspects of life than I am.

00:03:08.820 The whole point of Order of Man is to help each other.

00:03:12.540 And so I need to be honest with you with my own shortcomings.

00:03:15.520 And I attempt to do that.

00:03:16.640 But I know also at times that it might seem as if I have this all figured out.

00:03:21.160 And I certainly don't.

00:03:22.020 I've often said that I'm the biggest recipient and beneficiary of the work that we're doing.

00:03:26.740 And oftentimes I use the podcast and my social media channels as a live, interactive journaling practice for me.

00:03:37.760 It helps me flesh out ideas.

00:03:39.480 It helps me communicate those ideas.

00:03:41.980 Certainly I have the opportunity to hear from other people who are connected with what we're doing,

00:03:46.900 whether that's positive or negative.

00:03:48.600 And it depends.

00:03:49.800 And there's a lot of variability in the world of social media.

00:03:52.320 But I use this almost as a personal journal.

00:03:55.100 So as I share these things, I want you to know I don't have them all figured out.

00:03:59.200 But these are things that have helped me.

00:04:01.360 And if they help you, great.

00:04:03.080 And if they don't, maybe there's something else that I've shared or somebody else can share

00:04:06.460 that will help you manage your stress or any other topics that we address more effectively.

00:04:11.360 So guys, let's jump into this with all of that said.

00:04:13.560 And I'm just going to go through, excuse me, I took a drink right before the podcast and

00:04:19.280 ended up going down the wrong pipe.

00:04:21.560 And so I might be struggling with that a little bit.

00:04:23.700 But as I was thinking about what I wanted to talk with you about today, I identified the

00:04:29.920 five W's.

00:04:30.920 I didn't identify, but I'm going to use the five W's, the five questions, which are what,

00:04:35.120 who, where, when, and why.

00:04:36.900 We're going to break down each one of these questions as it relates to stress.

00:04:40.140 And within each one of those questions, I'm going to share some tactics that I've used

00:04:45.280 sometimes with maximum efficiency and effectiveness and sometimes not, but strategies that I've

00:04:51.360 used that helped me manage my stress.

00:04:53.760 So the first thing that we need to talk about is what, all right, what is it that is stressing

00:04:58.460 you out?

00:04:59.960 Is it a scenario at work?

00:05:02.540 Is it a, a lot of doubt and fear of, of what the future might hold?

00:05:08.720 Is it a feeling or a sense of inadequacy?

00:05:11.960 Are there certain people that are stressing you out?

00:05:14.380 Is it your environment?

00:05:15.800 Is it your time?

00:05:17.680 Maybe you don't have a whole lot of time, or maybe you don't feel like you're performing

00:05:20.880 to the level that you know you should be performing at.

00:05:23.960 Guys, if we can't first and foremost identify what in the world is stressing us out, it's going

00:05:29.400 to be very difficult to do anything else about it.

00:05:32.720 So what I would suggest and what I've done in my own life is that I try to document these

00:05:37.900 things when they come up.

00:05:39.480 And I spend a lot of time being mindful about when I get stressed.

00:05:44.920 So take some time, really think about before jumping into solutions.

00:05:50.140 You know, a lot of the times if you were to post, and I did see this post in our Facebook

00:05:53.400 group, which you can find at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man.

00:05:58.340 A lot of the times what you'll see is somebody will say, well, just go, go to the gym,

00:06:02.380 train jujitsu.

00:06:04.600 In other words, get yourself busy and distract yourself.

00:06:08.120 And there's certainly validity to that.

00:06:10.540 I don't want to say that you shouldn't do that.

00:06:12.460 Those are strategies that you can certainly employ.

00:06:15.280 But if you're not coupling that with other opportunities to address the stress at a deeper

00:06:21.020 level, then it's very difficult for us to actually address the issues.

00:06:25.280 And they'll eventually rear their ugly heads again.

00:06:28.100 So we do have to spend time thinking about what stresses us out.

00:06:32.240 The next thing to consider is who is stressing you out.

00:06:35.980 There's a lot of people in our lives that we deal with.

00:06:38.700 And these, a lot of them are loved ones.

00:06:40.800 A lot of them maybe aren't loved ones, but we're obligated to be in some sort of relationship

00:06:45.340 with them that could potentially be an employer or a client or a colleague.

00:06:50.460 And so there's people in your life who are going to stress you out.

00:06:54.420 It's the way they communicate with you.

00:06:56.520 It's their attitude.

00:06:58.580 It's their demeanor.

00:06:59.940 Maybe it's even their personality.

00:07:01.220 And there's just some clashing there.

00:07:03.560 What I would suggest is, again, we're documenting all of this stuff.

00:07:07.580 We're writing it down.

00:07:08.680 And as you identify people in your life that are stressing you out, you need to consider,

00:07:14.120 is this somebody worth continuing to have in my life?

00:07:16.820 And if it's not, then you need to consider moving along or allowing them to move along.

00:07:24.300 And I'm not just talking about romantic relationships.

00:07:27.380 I'm talking about clients.

00:07:29.980 In my financial advisory practice years ago, there were several clients that I just stopped

00:07:36.560 working with.

00:07:37.200 Now, I communicated that effectively and told them that I can't serve them the way they're

00:07:41.320 looking to be served.

00:07:42.220 And it's scary when you lose somebody, whether it's, again, a romantic relationship or a client

00:07:48.680 that is bringing an income to you.

00:07:50.980 But I can assure you that life does get better when you remove these people from your life.

00:07:56.400 Now, that's on one end of the extreme.

00:07:59.160 But there's another opportunity here when you have people who are stressing you out, and that

00:08:04.080 is boundaries.

00:08:05.100 I've talked a lot about establishing healthy boundaries, and so you can go to orderaman.com

00:08:10.600 and in the search bar type boundaries and find probably a dozen podcasts on the subject

00:08:15.820 that I've done over the past nine years.

00:08:18.420 Guys, we have to have healthy boundaries.

00:08:20.780 The way that we will be communicated with, the way that what we will tolerate, what we won't

00:08:26.840 tolerate, how we expect other people to treat us, what we're willing to invest in certain

00:08:33.100 relationships, employment relationships, client relationships, romantic relationships, and

00:08:37.760 even friendships, what you're willing to invest and what you're not willing to invest, and

00:08:42.600 then to be able to clearly communicate that with other people, not from a place of spite

00:08:48.400 or vengeance or out to get them, but a place of healthy dialogue and communication.

00:08:53.180 I think it's imperative that if we hope to have powerful relationships, and even in relationships

00:08:59.460 that are important to us, that we learn how to communicate effectively, because it's fair

00:09:04.840 and right to give the other party an opportunity to correct the behavior.

00:09:10.120 You've often heard me and other people say that we train people how to treat us.

00:09:14.720 So if people are treating you unfairly, it's probably because you've allowed it.

00:09:21.740 So if you want that behavior to change, I would suggest that you give that person an opportunity

00:09:28.360 to change their behavior.

00:09:30.500 And the way that you do that is by communicating effectively the way in which you will and will

00:09:35.180 not be treated, and giving them the opportunity to change the way they communicate with you.

00:09:40.500 And the hope and the goal would be that they do change, and that it becomes more effective,

00:09:45.880 and that it becomes a better, more healthy relationship.

00:09:48.800 And anybody who loves you and cares about you and wants to pour into that relationship

00:09:53.060 is likely to be, at least at a minimum, open to the idea of change and improvement and development.

00:10:02.100 So when it comes to boundaries, spend some real time.

00:10:07.200 And I think it's important you document these things.

00:10:10.520 All too often, we believe we're addressing these things, and I know I do.

00:10:15.840 I believe I am.

00:10:17.340 And then something happens, and I realize, oh, maybe I haven't addressed that as deeply as I need to.

00:10:21.840 So really spend some time journaling, documenting, writing these things down so that you can be able

00:10:30.580 to communicate them effectively.

00:10:32.740 The third W in this series of questions is where.

00:10:37.260 Where are you when you're the most stressed?

00:10:39.500 Now, I'm kind of a clean freak.

00:10:41.660 I'm a neat freak.

00:10:42.560 I like things organized and structured.

00:10:44.980 I have a way that works for me.

00:10:46.620 It may not work for everybody, but I have systems and processes in place that work well for me.

00:10:51.540 I tend to get very stressed when I'm out of my element, when there's clutter and there's chaos and there's noise,

00:11:00.340 when I'm in an environment that has too much going on.

00:11:03.960 I even notice that I get stressed out when people are, even people that work with me, for example, and that I've hired to manage certain aspects of the business will give me 17,000 things to work on.

00:11:20.020 And that stresses me out.

00:11:21.600 That's my personality.

00:11:23.320 I need one thing, maybe two tops.

00:11:26.520 Give me one thing.

00:11:27.320 If you put me on one thing because of my personality, I know that I will go all in on that thing and tackle it to the nth degree.

00:11:35.940 And when that's done, give me the second, then give me the third, then give me the fourth.

00:11:40.180 And so I've structured my life in accordance with that.

00:11:44.840 I know that when I get so much going on on my plate, I shut down.

00:11:50.560 And so I've learned to not put so much on my plate and do less, but do it better.

00:11:55.760 But there are things that need to get done.

00:11:57.400 So I delegate those things and I have other people do those things so I can focus on the things that are important to me.

00:12:03.080 And that way, everything gets done and accomplished.

00:12:06.440 But take a look at your environment.

00:12:08.380 Take a look at where you are.

00:12:09.960 Take a look at your office.

00:12:11.220 Are you stressed when you go into the office?

00:12:13.260 Okay, that's a good indicator that something's going on there.

00:12:16.360 Is it purely the environment?

00:12:18.060 And if it is, what can you change about your own personal environment to make it better for you?

00:12:22.440 Is it somebody there that you have to deal with?

00:12:24.860 And if it is, what boundaries can you put in place?

00:12:27.460 And how can you learn to communicate more effectively in order to change that?

00:12:31.540 That goes back to our second question, who?

00:12:35.700 But think about where you are.

00:12:37.260 And you might even notice themes and trends.

00:12:39.420 And what I would suggest is, if you can, keep yourself out of those environments.

00:12:44.020 And if you can't, then foster and facilitate a more healthy, productive environment based on your personality.

00:12:51.660 And the last point here, guys, is why?

00:12:56.820 This might be the most important question.

00:12:59.040 And this is the one that I think I struggle with the most.

00:13:02.220 And it's probably the one that most people struggle with.

00:13:05.460 You know, often we know we're stressed out.

00:13:08.520 Maybe we're rushed for time.

00:13:12.960 Maybe we're short with people.

00:13:15.360 Maybe we make comments that we don't really mean.

00:13:17.800 Maybe we let certain situations get to us and we react emotionally as opposed to responding to what we're experiencing.

00:13:25.980 And our response is not an appropriate response to some of these things.

00:13:31.000 And we think, well, maybe just do these surface level things like, you know, go to the gym.

00:13:36.760 Or just like move your body or get distracted with something else.

00:13:39.420 And again, to go back to what I said earlier, I think there is validity in that.

00:13:43.120 But we have to do the deeper work.

00:13:44.620 And this is something that I am doing and something that I know I need to continue to do and actually dive in deeper into it and get better at it.

00:13:53.420 So what are these things?

00:13:55.060 Well, the first thing when we're talking about why is really trying to delve down into what is happening psychologically, right?

00:14:05.620 So is it change?

00:14:08.600 You know, for a lot of people, myself included, change produces a lot of anxiety and stress.

00:14:13.800 Okay, well, that's important to know.

00:14:16.120 Not only because it can help me address not having to change and being more in a stable environment,

00:14:21.980 but also help me deal with the change when it inevitably occurs.

00:14:26.160 And it will.

00:14:27.400 You'll have a new relationship.

00:14:28.940 You'll have a new job.

00:14:30.100 You'll have to move somewhere.

00:14:31.740 You'll have the death of a loved one.

00:14:33.460 You'll have a financial issue.

00:14:34.780 You'll have a medical diagnosis.

00:14:36.360 Change is inevitable.

00:14:37.480 So we need to be able to manage this more effectively.

00:14:40.460 So it could be change.

00:14:42.220 For me, there's a lot of fear that comes with not knowing what the future holds.

00:14:48.120 And I'm a bit of a control freak.

00:14:49.980 I know that about myself.

00:14:51.180 And I'm sure a lot of you are as well.

00:14:52.780 And one thing I know that I do is I attempt to control things that are beyond my control.

00:14:59.660 That helps me have or at least feel like some sort of false security because I'm trying to control and manipulate everything.

00:15:10.260 I'm trying to learn how to let go.

00:15:11.980 And as I do learn to let go and lower my expectations for other people, lower the expectations that I have for the way I think it should be,

00:15:21.720 and let the things beyond my control play out, the more fulfilled and happy I am, the more calm and at peace I am.

00:15:29.880 So is it fear of uncertainty and worry?

00:15:32.840 Are there deeper issues going on?

00:15:34.840 Is it feeling like you're a failure?

00:15:37.340 Now, that one isn't really something I don't believe impacts me too much.

00:15:43.300 I have failed in my life.

00:15:44.640 And sure, I feel some guilt and shame over the failure that I've experienced.

00:15:48.500 But I think for the most part, I'm able to drive on even after I do fail in certain aspects of life.

00:15:55.380 But there's other deeper issues like fear of abandonment, fear of being alone.

00:16:02.520 Like the abandonment issue, that's one that I personally deal with.

00:16:08.260 Am I going to be abandoned?

00:16:10.200 And so what do you do about this?

00:16:12.000 I mean, that's the real question.

00:16:13.740 So we've got what stresses you out?

00:16:15.660 We've got who stresses you out?

00:16:17.400 Where are you when you're stressed out?

00:16:19.420 When are you stressed out?

00:16:21.160 And then why are you stressed out?

00:16:22.940 So how do we actually begin to uncover the answers to these questions?

00:16:27.280 Well, I think there's probably, I would say maybe four to five standard practices that work.

00:16:36.280 And one of them, I think at a base level is a little bit of a distraction technique.

00:16:41.660 We've talked a little bit about this already, is you just may need to get yourself out of the environment.

00:16:47.500 If you're stressed out because you're dealing with a deadline,

00:16:51.700 completing the task is part of the way that you reduce that stress.

00:16:55.680 Now, I know for me, I get stressed out when I have so much on my plate, like I talked about earlier.

00:17:00.400 And so the best strategy for me is to break those things down into bite-sized actionable items.

00:17:06.320 So if I've got this huge daunting task or project, I can break that down into 10 or 15 subtasks

00:17:13.460 because I work best when I have that order in place.

00:17:16.620 So part of managing stress is identifying what's stressing you out and then actually tackling it.

00:17:22.740 That's one option.

00:17:24.260 That might not work all the time because there might be some non-tangible that you're stressed and anxious about

00:17:30.660 that you can't just check off a list.

00:17:33.060 Like we talked about with the fear of uncertainty or fear of failure or fear of abandonment.

00:17:39.080 You can't just check that off a list.

00:17:41.560 Some things you can do where you're just distracting.

00:17:43.900 Okay, so go work out.

00:17:45.980 Blow off some steam.

00:17:47.300 That might help.

00:17:48.060 Go to jiu-jitsu.

00:17:50.260 Go for a run.

00:17:51.180 Usually something physical for me, it works the best.

00:17:54.900 It allows me to sweat.

00:17:56.320 It allows me to focus on the thing right in front of me instead of having to worry about the thing on my mind.

00:18:01.320 And it changes my environment to an environment that I actually enjoy being in, which is the gym.

00:18:06.280 So the distraction technique works.

00:18:09.600 But there's some other things here too.

00:18:11.400 One is journaling.

00:18:12.960 How often are you actually spending time every day writing these things out, documenting these things?

00:18:19.420 And a lot of people will say, well, you know, Ryan, I'd like to journal, but I don't know what to talk about.

00:18:23.460 But there's no right or wrong way to do it.

00:18:28.400 What I would suggest is just come up with a question.

00:18:31.160 How did you feel today?

00:18:33.260 What was the best part of your day?

00:18:35.340 What was the worst part of your day?

00:18:37.440 Why was it those things?

00:18:39.600 What about today stressed you out?

00:18:41.920 When you were at peace today, why was that the case?

00:18:45.580 If you could take one lesson from today that you learned that made today valuable, what would that lesson be?

00:18:53.460 These are all questions that I can come up with on the fly that you can do as well that help you with some prompts of writing some things down.

00:19:00.920 Hey, I was stressed about this.

00:19:02.740 And then go deeper.

00:19:03.860 Like, don't just write I was stressed.

00:19:05.700 You already know that.

00:19:07.680 Write down why you were stressed.

00:19:09.720 Well, I was stressed because I had a difficult conversation with my boss and he wasn't happy with my performance.

00:19:15.380 And now I have a lot of fear about the stability of my job.

00:19:19.100 That's fair.

00:19:19.920 That's a fair reason to be stressed out.

00:19:22.420 So the question then is, again, in your journal, well, how'd you handle it?

00:19:28.180 Well, I lashed out and I made comments that were inappropriate to my boss.

00:19:32.140 And now my job is at risk.

00:19:34.020 Okay.

00:19:35.040 Probably not the best way to handle it, but at least you identified what was going on so you can correct the behavior moving forward.

00:19:40.480 Or maybe you say, hey, you know, I handled it pretty well with my boss, but now I took all this stress out on my wife or my children.

00:19:48.420 Okay.

00:19:48.760 Again, that's an important thing to consider because you don't want to continue to do that for any length of period, a period of time.

00:19:55.240 And you might have some apologizing to do.

00:19:57.420 And I've had my fair share of apologizing and I try to be quick to apologize, but I'd rather not have to be in the position of having to apologize.

00:20:05.440 I'd rather just have correct behavior moving in the first place.

00:20:09.500 And I think journaling and writing some of this stuff down can help you be a little bit more mindful.

00:20:15.520 I don't think just thinking about it is enough, but journaling is a really, really powerful way to do it.

00:20:21.520 And then the last question I would ask in that scenario with the journaling is I would say, well, what am I going to do now?

00:20:28.280 I was stressed because I had this uncomfortable conversation with my boss.

00:20:32.540 I didn't receive it well.

00:20:35.360 And now what I need to do is go back to my employer and apologize for my behavior and give him an action plan for what I'm going to do to correct my performance and then actually do it.

00:20:48.200 So journaling, that's crucial.

00:20:49.760 Also, having an outlet of friends, brothers, family members, people that you know love you, and also people who will be honest with you.

00:21:01.120 Again, I'm going to go back to something I said earlier.

00:21:03.500 We train people how to treat us.

00:21:06.420 So if people are unwilling to give us feedback, healthy, honest feedback, because of the way that we respond, they're going to be less likely to do that in the future.

00:21:18.360 And I want people to be honest and truthful with me, even if it's hard to hear.

00:21:24.720 So I have to be careful about the way that I respond when somebody does tell me the truth or is honest with me, because I don't want to create an environment where people aren't comfortable talking to me.

00:21:37.780 That isn't a way for me to learn what I need to learn, and it isn't a way for me to build healthy relationships with people that I love.

00:21:46.120 So having other outlets like friends, family members, brothers who you can rely on, who care about you, who want to see you win, who I could call on a moment's notice.

00:21:58.080 And there's a handful of people that I have, and I do call these people, and I ask for advice, and I tell them what I'm dealing with.

00:22:05.260 And it's not always easy or comfortable because we as men have been conditioned not to do this, but there are people like that in my circle, and they're invaluable.

00:22:13.520 The next, and this is not something that I personally do, so I'm not going to speak much on this, but I know a lot of people meditate.

00:22:19.960 Maybe I'm doing it wrong. Maybe it's just not conducive to my personality, but there's a lot of people who have this ability to sit in stillness and not really think about much in a particular moment and just be present with where they are.

00:22:37.220 And it brings a sense of peace. It gives them an opportunity to see things from a perspective maybe they haven't considered before.

00:22:45.680 And I'm sure there's a lot of different ways to do this from certain breathing techniques to sitting down in a quiet place to sensory deprivation tanks and float tanks and things like this.

00:22:58.980 I'm not really going to speak on it because I haven't done this much.

00:23:02.020 And if you guys are interested in it, I can certainly find an expert in these types of meditation practices that would help us, myself included, use that as a powerful method for reducing stress and anxiety.

00:23:17.520 Another one, spirituality and prayer.

00:23:20.900 You know, sometimes we get so locked into our day-to-day activities that we forget that there's something bigger at play here.

00:23:29.100 There's something else going on.

00:23:32.560 And it's crucial that we take a step back from the day-to-day plays and we actually think about what is my purpose here?

00:23:41.440 Because if we know what our greater calling and purpose is, the things, excuse me, the things that we sometimes get wrapped up in may not be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

00:23:53.540 And having that eternal perspective and a pathway, a communication with God, or if you prefer to call it the universe or the muse or however you choose to look at it, I look at it as God.

00:24:08.000 So I have this ability to communicate with my creator and it helps me have a different perspective of my time here.

00:24:19.900 And the small things that seem big in the moment through that eternal lens are in a better perspective for me so I can manage it more effectively.

00:24:29.240 And also for me, knowing that the way that I show up in life is going to have an eternal impact helps me make better choices.

00:24:39.040 Now, I'm not here to say that I always make the best choice, but when I do have that eternal perspective, it helps me make a better choice.

00:24:47.060 So prayer, reading scripture, going to church, these types of activities that are going to give you that new perspective.

00:24:54.480 And the last one I want to share with you is, is counseling.

00:24:57.820 You know, this one's a bit, a bit taboo in the men's space or community, whatever you want to call it.

00:25:04.320 I personally, and I don't talk a whole lot about this.

00:25:07.220 And I think part of the reason I don't talk about it is because of that taboo.

00:25:10.900 If I'm being honest, it's, it's, it's hard for men to admit that we are getting that kind of help, but it's on one hand, I know it's hard.

00:25:21.800 And on the other, I also know it shouldn't be difficult.

00:25:25.940 No professional athlete is ashamed that he hires a coach to help him with his strength training or his nutrition or to get a, to have a better shot or whatever.

00:25:37.460 Nobody bats an eye at that.

00:25:41.240 Nobody bats an eye at having a business coach.

00:25:44.500 Nobody bats an eye at having spiritual guidance through a pastor or a preacher or something along these lines.

00:25:51.800 Some sort of clergy.

00:25:53.980 But when it comes to having somebody to help us work out the mental side of our performance, it becomes a little more difficult for myself included, maybe more so than anybody else.

00:26:06.140 So I do have a therapist that I see on a monthly basis.

00:26:09.040 And I share some of the things that I struggle with.

00:26:13.440 And I share some of those issues.

00:26:15.880 And that person gives me a better, more well-rounded approach to what I might be dealing with.

00:26:24.220 Helps me consider where some of these issues might be stemming from.

00:26:28.500 And a perspective in how I might be able to better approach these things.

00:26:33.980 So I think I'm going to be a little bit more open about that aspect of things because it is something that I personally do.

00:26:41.520 But I just don't really talk that often about it because of the stigma.

00:26:46.160 And maybe even, if I'm being frank about it, the perception that I have of not wanting to appear weak.

00:26:55.220 And admittedly, it is interesting because I have this podcast where I've interviewed close to 500 high-performing individuals.

00:27:03.380 Again, I don't feel bad or a stigma associated with bringing somebody in to talk about whatever it is they're going to talk about, their expertise, and sharing that with you and myself.

00:27:14.240 I've even had therapists on the podcast, John Kim, John Deloney, these men who come on the podcast as therapists, offering advice on how to work out our emotional, our mental struggles.

00:27:30.420 And yet, when it comes to meeting with somebody individually, one-on-one, there's more of a stigma associated with that.

00:27:36.200 Now, what I'll say is that I think the best approach is a combination of a few or all of these.

00:27:42.580 I don't think, for example, that hiring a therapist is going to solve all of your problems.

00:27:48.140 And I also don't think that just going to exercise is going to solve all of our problems.

00:27:53.160 I don't think journaling is going to solve it all.

00:27:56.100 I don't think just acting without thinking about any of this stuff is going to solve it all.

00:28:00.040 I think if we want to have a successful relationship, a successful business, a successful life, however that looks like for you, then we need to take a well-rounded approach to managing our stress and anxiety.

00:28:13.300 Now, we didn't even get into the negative physical ramifications.

00:28:17.140 We know that increased cortisol levels reduce testosterone, which will hinder your performance as a man.

00:28:22.780 So, there's a lot of physiological response to stress and anxiety that we should be aware of.

00:28:28.800 And I can talk more about that in the future.

00:28:30.740 In fact, I'd probably have to bring somebody on to talk about the nuance and the intricacies of that.

00:28:35.420 But I know through the limited information that I have, when our cortisol levels spike, then our testosterone levels reduce and we start initiating that fight or flight response, which creates emotional reaction versus logical response.

00:28:52.920 So, there's a lot of reasons why practically we need to learn to reduce stress and anxiety as well.

00:28:58.560 And again, I'm the first, I'm not the first, but I am going to be more transparent, I guess I'd say, in letting you know that these are all issues that I struggle with.

00:29:09.380 And the reason we called this podcast and this movement Order of Man and not Order of Ryan is because I realized that immediately, even before we started doing this over nine years ago, that I needed just as much help as anybody else.

00:29:23.320 And that's what we're going to attempt to do.

00:29:25.800 And that's what we have been attempting to do.

00:29:27.280 So, we're going to continue to work on it.

00:29:29.080 We're going to continue to improve and we're going to do it together.

00:29:32.260 And what does that look like?

00:29:33.740 Well, at a minimum, you're listening to this podcast.

00:29:36.980 At a maximum, you can join our exclusive brotherhood.

00:29:40.120 That's the Iron Council.

00:29:41.160 We're having more conversations like this.

00:29:43.100 You can go to one of our events.

00:29:44.960 In fact, we've got one this weekend.

00:29:46.420 As of the release of this podcast, I am in Southern Utah with 20-ish, 25 other men talking about these things and other things in order to,

00:29:57.280 be more successful men.

00:29:59.880 So, there's a lot that we can do here, guys.

00:30:02.140 And I'm going to continue to provide the resources.

00:30:04.040 But it would be helpful for me if I knew what you were interested in talking about and what you're interested in hearing about and who you're interested in hearing it from.

00:30:12.140 So, I'll do a little recap here and then I'll close it out for the day.

00:30:15.700 So, stress management strategies.

00:30:17.240 We're going to go to the five W questions.

00:30:19.960 Again, what, who, where, when, and why.

00:30:23.420 What are you doing when you're stressed?

00:30:24.880 Who are you with when you're stressed?

00:30:26.300 Where are you when you're stressed?

00:30:27.860 When are you stressed?

00:30:29.560 And why?

00:30:30.480 Why are you stressed?

00:30:31.760 And then we talked about the stress management strategies.

00:30:34.200 Actually tackling the project that's making you stressed.

00:30:37.360 Talking with friends and family members and colleagues and coworkers.

00:30:41.560 Journaling.

00:30:42.560 We talked a little bit about meditative practices, although I didn't get into that because that isn't something I'm proficient with. 0.99

00:30:47.880 So, I don't want to speak out of my ass on that one. 0.98

00:30:50.820 Your spiritual connection, prayer, church, scripture study, and then counseling, coaching, therapy, etc. 0.97

00:30:58.300 So, I hope that serves you in some way.

00:31:00.540 I hope that helps.

00:31:01.300 And I hope you take this information and put it into practice.

00:31:03.780 It's not enough to listen to this 30-minute podcast and say, okay, good.

00:31:07.780 I got a handle on it.

00:31:08.560 I'll just do that.

00:31:09.140 I'll just do what Ryan said.

00:31:10.520 You actually have to take these things in a systematic way and have a plan for putting these things into practice on a regular and consistent basis.

00:31:17.920 And that is something I should mention too, at least for myself as I've noticed, and I think this is true universally, that you don't just learn how to manage stress and then you're never stressed again.

00:31:30.260 Like you don't achieve stress management.

00:31:34.440 It's a maintenance plan.

00:31:37.280 You need to stay on top of this because it will rear its ugly head.

00:31:40.860 And I've had experiences in the last week even where I've let stress and anxiety make a bigger deal of things that weren't really there.

00:31:53.440 And I'm not interested in living my life like that.

00:31:55.740 And I'm not interested in putting that on other people and creating hardship for other people either.

00:32:02.340 So, take that for what it's worth.

00:32:04.300 I hope it works for you and I hope you apply it.

00:32:07.140 And then we will be back next week.

00:32:09.100 Until then, guys, go out there, take action, reduce stress, learn that stress management strategies, and become the man you are meant to be.

00:32:22.180 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:32:25.140 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:32:34.300 Thank you.

Order of Man - May 03, 2024

Stress-Reduction Strategies ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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