Order of Man - Structured Time with Men, Hobby vs. Career, and the Ritualization of Manhood ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.740 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.040 Kip, what's up, man? Great to see you. Back for another Ask Me Anything.

00:00:27.580 You look like a completely different person with your face shaved, but here we are nonetheless.

00:00:33.320 Yeah, it's funny. I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot I had a scar right there underneath my lip, you know?

00:00:40.960 It's funny.

00:00:41.520 Because it's been covered up for 15 years. Yeah, it's odd.

00:00:45.680 Yeah. Yeah, I had a little shaving mishap, a little trimming mishap a couple of weeks ago

00:00:51.840 where I thought I had the guard that I usually use on, and I had a shorter one.

00:00:56.060 I went, I'm like, oh. And the only thing you can do at that point is just go with the rest of it.

00:01:00.880 So, I had this super short and a mustache, but it was fine.

00:01:04.280 Fortunately, the mustaches are in style right now, so I didn't look too creepy or pedophilish.

00:01:10.700 I feel like we're on a roll, man. The Iron Council preview call that we did last week was super fun, highly impactful.

00:01:21.520 Obviously, enrollment into the Iron Council was closed, but do you feel like that's a good resource for us to give out

00:01:29.220 as people consider looking into the Iron Council for next quarter?

00:01:33.460 The battle plan? What specifically?

00:01:37.100 The preview call that we did of the Iron Council.

00:01:38.880 Oh, the preview call. Yes.

00:01:40.100 Yeah.

00:01:40.280 Yes. Yeah, I think that's a great way for people to check out what it's all about.

00:01:43.900 You spoke, Alan, Lex, and Wayne spoke, and it's crazy how fast an hour goes.

00:01:50.480 I wonder if I should make those.

00:01:51.700 I'm torn between making those a little bit longer so we can get more information in,

00:01:55.520 but also I don't want to exhaust people either.

00:01:57.580 They have their lives and other things they have going on.

00:01:59.800 So, yeah, the preview call is available on YouTube.

00:02:03.760 It's also available on our Facebook group as a replay.

00:02:06.760 So, yeah, definitely check that out, or you can go to orderman.com slash battle ready

00:02:10.700 to see the backbone of our planning tools that we use inside the Iron Council.

00:02:16.140 And the battle ready program is a good thing to do.

00:02:18.920 Like, you can't join us, right?

00:02:20.820 Enrollment's closed for this quarter, so you might as well sign up for the battle ready program

00:02:25.640 and you can work on your own and then join us, you know, come quarter two.

00:02:30.260 Yeah, yep, exactly.

00:02:31.800 Cool.

00:02:32.020 Okay, excellent.

00:02:32.720 Let's get into some questions today.

00:02:34.300 Sounds good.

00:02:34.860 So, we're going to fill the questions from the Iron Council.

00:02:38.220 To learn more about that, of course, you can go to orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:02:42.580 Greg Tewui, what are the best ways to combat a man's urge to isolate himself,

00:02:50.060 even if he's got a band of brothers?

00:02:52.400 And this resonates with me because I think this is a little bit of my MO, right?

00:02:58.840 When things start getting tough, I have a tendency to isolate and double down and,

00:03:04.060 I don't know, not involve people in my struggle.

00:03:09.680 Yeah, I think that's pretty common for a lot of guys to do.

00:03:12.120 And I think part of it is that we believe that it's actually the right thing to do

00:03:16.800 because I'm busy.

00:03:17.800 I don't have time for fun.

00:03:18.640 I got to do this.

00:03:19.240 I got to focus on this task or this project, or maybe something's going on in my relationship

00:03:24.380 and I just have to put all my attention and energy and focus on there.

00:03:27.780 And yeah, you can do that, but I don't think you're going to have as much success

00:03:30.860 as you would if you bring in outside interests, outside parties who can help you see things

00:03:37.540 from a way that you just cannot possibly experience yourself.

00:03:41.200 We all look at our circumstances and situations through a very small percentage of what information

00:03:48.100 is actually available.

00:03:49.960 And because we look at it that way, we're missing so much of what could potentially serve

00:03:56.540 us really well.

00:03:57.180 So I think if we first have the mindset that I alone don't have the entire picture, I have

00:04:04.100 one piece of the puzzle and it's the puzzle that I'm looking at it through.

00:04:07.740 But Kip, you and other people and advisors and friends and coaches and mentors have the other

00:04:12.640 pieces, then I can make a complete picture.

00:04:15.000 So that's the first thing we need to realize.

00:04:17.280 If we understand that first, then we'll be less likely to isolate.

00:04:21.760 I would also suggest that you really ought to evaluate now the type of men that you have

00:04:26.340 in your life.

00:04:27.000 Because if I have a bunch of average underperforming losers in my life, then naturally I'm not

00:04:33.320 going to turn to those individuals when I'm struggling.

00:04:36.080 But if I have hard chargers, high performers, maximum producers, I'm going to be more likely

00:04:41.480 to turn to those people when I'm really struggling with relationships or business or health or

00:04:46.680 whatever it might be.

00:04:48.460 So evaluate the people that you have in your life.

00:04:51.680 And then also, I don't think that you need to burn yourself out either.

00:04:55.920 Sometimes we think we need to go all in towards isolation or all in towards surrounding ourselves

00:05:00.940 with other people.

00:05:01.720 I think there is something to be said for not isolation, but solitude, where you're actually

00:05:08.320 sitting with your thoughts.

00:05:09.640 You're sitting with who you are.

00:05:11.500 You're evaluating from your own perspective.

00:05:14.840 And you're using that as a component of your overall strategy, which is ultimately to succeed

00:05:20.360 in whatever you're trying to succeed in.

00:05:22.300 So don't conversely go all in on having friends where you can't even think for yourself any longer.

00:05:28.200 But if you can bring these in, in minimum doses, and I would also say, as another tip,

00:05:34.100 very strategic scheduled ways.

00:05:37.340 So for you, Kip, I know how big and important jujitsu is in your life.

00:05:41.920 That's a very strategic way for you to be around other men in a certain environment that

00:05:46.520 fosters the kind of growth and development that we're talking about.

00:05:49.280 But that's not really a negotiable, and it's not really a question anymore as to whether

00:05:52.920 or not you go do that.

00:05:53.900 It's scheduled into your calendar.

00:05:55.680 You go every day.

00:05:56.580 You know what's going to take place.

00:05:59.840 So if you don't have any sort of structured, scheduled time with other men, then of course,

00:06:04.920 you're less likely to involve other men in your life.

00:06:07.440 So that could be, I've seen obviously jujitsu or other extracurricular activities.

00:06:13.760 Another one, men's church group.

00:06:15.900 I hear from a lot of guys who are like, yeah, we get together every Saturday morning and

00:06:18.920 we discuss.

00:06:19.740 That's great.

00:06:20.800 Scheduled, structured, solely with other men, where you can talk about your issues through,

00:06:26.520 through the confines or context of your own value and belief system.

00:06:31.340 Things like that are really powerful, but they have to be structured and they have to

00:06:34.140 be scheduled.

00:06:35.340 Yeah, that's profound.

00:06:36.500 I have two really good examples in it.

00:06:38.440 And the one I think is interesting.

00:06:40.480 The isolation, when I look back at some of the biggest struggles I have in life, I start

00:06:46.600 running.

00:06:47.640 Yeah.

00:06:48.080 Whatever.

00:06:48.480 I start running all the time and I run without music and the value of it, of course, there's

00:06:54.960 some physical value, but the biggest value is I'm left with myself and my thoughts as

00:07:00.320 I grind, as I process, as I think through.

00:07:03.420 And that has always been a huge benefit to me whenever I'm stressed out.

00:07:07.080 The other thing is to your example, and it's a little bit of a different example, is I

00:07:12.840 had a call on Friday with a coach of mine and mentor of mine.

00:07:20.220 And literally the call was pretty much, hey, I need to talk.

00:07:23.720 I'm a little bit on the ledge here.

00:07:25.480 Right?

00:07:25.860 And we talked for roughly 30 minutes.

00:07:29.720 Nothing he said was actually new to me.

00:07:32.860 They're all the things that I already know, but for whatever reason, sometimes when I'm

00:07:40.500 in the jar, it is really hard to see that label.

00:07:44.860 And so I could give, and it almost like, oh man, I give that same advice to someone else.

00:07:49.120 But when it comes to me, it's just harder to relate.

00:07:53.040 And sometimes maybe you do have the answers, but just the different perspective or relating

00:07:58.180 it or a third party saying what you already know somehow connects it in a way that you're

00:08:03.320 just, you're in it.

00:08:04.920 And sometimes we're in it so deep that we just can't really see the label.

00:08:09.720 Yeah.

00:08:10.440 Yeah.

00:08:10.980 One of the things that you had said made me think of a virtue that all of us, I think,

00:08:15.800 can do a better job incorporating into our lives.

00:08:18.020 And that's humility.

00:08:20.120 When you say, hey, I'm really struggling with that thing, that requires a sense of humility.

00:08:24.860 And we, as men don't often want to admit that we don't have it figured out.

00:08:29.160 Yeah.

00:08:29.640 So that might block us from reaching out to people or whatever.

00:08:32.720 Of course.

00:08:33.480 Or it might even block you from going to one of these activities that are structured and

00:08:37.460 scheduled that I talked about because you don't want to look foolish or be the new guy.

00:08:41.400 Yeah.

00:08:41.860 That's your ego and your arrogance speaking and know that that's hindering and really getting

00:08:46.680 in your way.

00:08:47.320 So I'm glad to see Greg back in the Iron Council.

00:08:49.760 I mean, clearly with his question that he's asking and the fact that he's back in the

00:08:54.360 Iron Council says that he's back on the path and knows that he needs other men in his life

00:08:58.260 to be able to help direct and navigate his role and his responsibilities.

00:09:03.740 I love it.

00:09:04.420 All right.

00:09:05.160 Rob Andrews, how do you balance finding a hobby slash passion and choosing to pursue it

00:09:10.920 as a career or business idea?

00:09:13.140 What usually separates the two in your mind?

00:09:15.480 Well, a career or something along those lines is you're just making money.

00:09:21.240 That's all that is.

00:09:22.860 So I know plenty of people who have turned, I did, I turned order of man, which is something

00:09:26.900 that was an interest or a little side project of mine into a very lucrative career if we're

00:09:30.660 talking about it purely from the business perspective.

00:09:33.700 So the distinction between hobby and passion versus career is, are you selling anything and

00:09:40.980 turning a profit?

00:09:42.120 If you are, now you have a business.

00:09:44.740 Yeah.

00:09:44.820 So the question is, how do you balance it?

00:09:47.520 Yeah.

00:09:47.760 Balance finding it versus choosing to pursue a career.

00:09:51.840 Look, there's certain things that I do that I don't, I'm not interested in turning into

00:09:56.300 a career because sometimes turning a passion or a hobby into a career takes the enthusiasm

00:10:01.940 and excitement out of it.

00:10:03.400 Yeah.

00:10:03.580 Usually what it does.

00:10:04.780 Yeah.

00:10:05.420 It does.

00:10:05.920 And I wasn't going to use the word fun, but I think that's a good word.

00:10:08.640 I was going to use the word creativity because when it's a passion, you can just do it

00:10:14.020 when you want, how you want, why you want.

00:10:16.740 There's no, there's no constraint there when it's a passion, but when it's a business and

00:10:22.460 somebody says to you, let's say, hypothetically, you're a painter.

00:10:26.140 And somebody says, I want you to paint a painting.

00:10:29.300 They're going to give you constraints.

00:10:31.460 I want it in these primary colors.

00:10:33.700 I want it to be a picture of this.

00:10:36.420 I want it to look this way.

00:10:38.320 And now all of a sudden you're constrained and then it becomes a little bit more boring

00:10:42.300 and monotonous.

00:10:43.160 And I'm not saying that you shouldn't turn your passion into a career, but I think that's

00:10:48.420 something you'd be, you better be aware of.

00:10:50.540 Is this going to confine me so much that this just turns into another job?

00:10:55.780 The other thing that you have to consider when turning a passion into a career is I would

00:11:00.620 highly recommend the book E-Myth because it stands for entrepreneurial myth.

00:11:06.060 Just because you're good at a thing doesn't mean that you'll be a good business owner.

00:11:09.960 So you might be good at painting, but you may not be great in the business of marketing,

00:11:14.200 selling paintings.

00:11:15.400 Yeah.

00:11:16.440 Those are two completely different skill sets.

00:11:18.700 And so when I talk about business, a lot of the times, I think there was a question

00:11:22.840 about turning, making a coaching business later, later in the questions.

00:11:27.380 Yeah.

00:11:27.800 When people ask me about how to start a business, my knee-jerk first immediate response is learn

00:11:34.060 how to market.

00:11:34.880 You already know how to do the thing to the degree that you need to do it.

00:11:37.760 So sure you can get better or you can buy technology and improve in your skillset there.

00:11:41.560 But if you don't know how to market, everything else is dead in the water.

00:11:44.740 It doesn't matter how great your product or service or offering is.

00:11:47.500 If you can't market it, nothing else matters.

00:11:50.860 So I think when you're talking about the balance between passion and business, are you a good

00:11:55.360 marketer?

00:11:56.140 And is that even something that you want to do?

00:11:59.200 Because if you don't want to do it, then you won't be able to grow a business.

00:12:01.980 But you can be passionate about painting or photography or website development or coaching

00:12:08.180 fitness or teaching firearms or an infinite number of things that you could be doing in today's

00:12:14.360 market and landscape.

00:12:15.420 It's actually really nice.

00:12:16.540 It's better than any time it's been in history.

00:12:19.420 So man, I don't know how to answer the question as to whether you should or should not, but

00:12:24.960 those are some considerations.

00:12:26.240 Do you want to be in the business of whatever it is?

00:12:28.520 Because that's going to take some of the creativity out.

00:12:31.120 And are you, can you be a good marketer?

00:12:33.620 Do you have the aptitude and desire to market your services?

00:12:35.960 Because you'll need to do that if you start a business.

00:12:38.580 Yeah.

00:12:38.700 I like it.

00:12:40.120 Do you feel like there's ever a passion or, um, I mean, and I'm Rob, I'm not saying this

00:12:45.680 about you, but I, I, I'm assuming that sometimes people get into this conversation because they

00:12:54.080 think it's, they will get, it's the only way to find fulfillment in your job is by making

00:12:59.760 your hobby or your passion, your job.

00:13:01.680 And do you have thoughts around that and whether you believe that's true or not true, or be

00:13:08.760 careful that you're, we're not always chasing, trying to make our passions jobs.

00:13:14.800 Yeah.

00:13:15.200 I would say the same thing about a relationship.

00:13:17.340 You know, when you enter into a new relationship, it's fun and exciting and there's a lot there.

00:13:22.820 And then you decide to commit yourself to this woman.

00:13:25.580 Some of that is going to change over time.

00:13:28.000 But does that mean that you're no longer passionate about that?

00:13:30.540 Well, if you're not, that's on you because there are things that you can do to continue

00:13:35.580 to be passionate about the person that you committed to.

00:13:39.260 And so you ought to incorporate those things, not just for the next year or two while you

00:13:43.120 guys are courting, but for the rest of your lives, if that's the direction that you want

00:13:46.880 to go.

00:13:47.900 And it's the same thing in business.

00:13:49.980 There's elements of my business that I don't enjoy work still.

00:13:54.940 Yeah.

00:13:55.700 So, but it has to get done because it's connected to something.

00:13:58.720 And yes, I am passionate and excited about, but I think even if I weren't, the financial

00:14:02.940 planning business is a great example of that.

00:14:04.640 I wasn't as passionate and excited about financial planning as I am about this, but

00:14:09.560 there was a lot that I really enjoyed about financial planning.

00:14:12.580 And one of the things I enjoyed was learning how to market to people that I'd never met

00:14:16.340 before.

00:14:16.760 And now they're literally turning over hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars over

00:14:20.540 to me to manage their portfolios.

00:14:22.400 That was an exciting process.

00:14:24.300 That is an element of marketing.

00:14:26.040 So I learned that I actually really have an aptitude and enjoy marketing services, which

00:14:32.480 translates over into something else.

00:14:34.560 And so Kip, you and I have talked ad nauseum about making sure that you go all in where

00:14:40.220 you are, not only because it isn't going to improve your current circumstances, but it's

00:14:44.760 also going to present opportunities that would not exist otherwise.

00:14:48.460 If you're a complete train wreck at work, you're not coming in on time, you're doing

00:14:53.960 the bare minimum to get by, you're missing deadlines, man, a client is never going to

00:14:59.680 come to you and say, Hey, I have an opportunity I want to talk with you about.

00:15:02.500 You're never going to put yourself in a position for a promotion.

00:15:05.360 If however, you show up fully and decide to be passionately engaged in what you're doing,

00:15:10.100 clients who might be in completely unrelated businesses are going to see that and say, Hey,

00:15:13.800 you know what?

00:15:14.260 I think I've got a spot open on my team in a managerial position.

00:15:17.380 And I think you'd be really good in that position.

00:15:20.000 Now that's an opportunity presented to you that you would not have had presented to you

00:15:23.500 in any other way.

00:15:24.660 Or your boss is going to say, Hey, you know what, Kip, I've got you in this role here,

00:15:29.380 but man, I've seen you excel with the marketing stuff.

00:15:32.400 And our marketing director is actually leaving the end of the year.

00:15:36.460 And I think we need to have talk with you about what that might look like because you've

00:15:41.200 done so well here and you have an aptitude and it seems like you enjoy this, that maybe

00:15:45.080 we can look at making some switches within the organization to get you somewhere where

00:15:49.480 you can do some good.

00:15:51.440 Yeah.

00:15:51.760 I mean, how often do you see someone that's just a hustler?

00:15:57.500 They're, they're dated, dedicated.

00:15:59.460 They have a strong worth at work ethic and they're humble and teachable.

00:16:03.200 You could almost put them anywhere, right?

00:16:05.900 Like they don't even have to be good at it.

00:16:07.660 You just know they will be good at it because of how they show up.

00:16:11.400 And it's, and it's crazy.

00:16:14.840 It's crazy to think how often people hinder themselves by not winning where they are.

00:16:22.380 Right.

00:16:23.840 It fascinates me.

00:16:25.320 Ryan, would you say that you're, cause you obviously we've talked about this.

00:16:29.440 Marketing is one of those areas that you love.

00:16:31.600 I, it's obviously a passion of you.

00:16:33.300 You're good at it.

00:16:34.200 Like, did you even know you're good at it though, until you had to do it?

00:16:38.820 And then all of a sudden you're like, Oh, Hey, actually I have a talent for this and I'm

00:16:42.820 actually fairly good at it, but it wasn't even on your radar until after you had to figure

00:16:49.380 it out and do it.

00:16:50.620 I don't, I don't even know.

00:16:52.200 So I, well, I appreciate the compliment and I don't even know that I knew I was good at

00:16:56.180 it and I don't know that you can know you're good at it.

00:16:58.540 All I knew is I enjoyed it, but you didn't know you enjoyed it until you, you got into it.

00:17:04.400 Right.

00:17:04.880 And so that just happened just through wanting to grow my business.

00:17:08.660 Just want to, frankly, just wanting to make more money in my financial planning practice.

00:17:12.360 Yeah.

00:17:12.720 I looked at something.

00:17:13.780 I'm like, there's gotta be a better way to do this.

00:17:16.180 And there was, and I did it and it wasn't perfect, but it developed and grew and it

00:17:20.900 turned into a podcast, which now turned into this.

00:17:23.080 So I didn't know I was good at it.

00:17:25.120 I just knew that I liked it.

00:17:26.980 And I didn't even know I liked it to your point until I was like, I got to figure something

00:17:30.760 else out here.

00:17:31.360 And I got the wheels turning and realized that I'm pretty creative.

00:17:35.180 I have a really good ability to tell stories.

00:17:38.500 I have a good ability to take complex ideas and thoughts and messages and turn them into

00:17:46.160 digestible content.

00:17:48.020 So, but that I had to walk the walk.

00:17:50.620 I had to start down that path before I, before I put myself in the position to turn it into

00:17:55.280 a business and if we're looking at it from a business perspective, I tend to look at every

00:18:00.580 business as a marketing business, every single business.

00:18:04.740 You can't share with me any other business.

00:18:06.300 That's not a marketing agency.

00:18:08.020 Yeah.

00:18:08.980 If you're a law firm, you're a marketing agency that happens to market legal services.

00:18:13.620 If you're a podcast, I'm a marketing agency that happens to offer services, products, coaching,

00:18:21.620 consulting stuff for men.

00:18:23.840 If you're selling cars, you're a marketing company that markets vehicles.

00:18:30.200 That's the way you should be looking at it if you're a business owner.

00:18:33.200 Yeah.

00:18:33.800 Yeah.

00:18:34.180 Otherwise there's just limited growth, right?

00:18:36.840 I never focused enough time on marketing when I worked for myself, I, I, I doubled down on

00:18:44.440 quality and referrals.

00:18:46.080 Like that was just literally my business grew strictly just due to the quality of work that

00:18:51.620 I did.

00:18:52.620 But in hindsight, I'm like, man, if I just made investments on the marketing and sell side,

00:18:58.700 how much more effective we could have been and how much work I left on the table, right?

00:19:06.020 Because of my, my lack of willingness to go in that direction.

00:19:09.320 So, well, you know, how, you know, the answer to that is not the answer, but you know, that

00:19:13.560 that's true is how many of you guys listening are in a business.

00:19:17.380 Let's say, let's say it's law, you're practicing law and there's a new law firm that comes into

00:19:24.260 town and they put billboards everywhere and their, their website is beautiful and they're

00:19:28.020 very, they're humorous and they're creative and their marketing is on point, but you know

00:19:33.500 that they're inferior to you with legal planning, like, you know, it and you, instead of focusing

00:19:39.220 on the marketing bitch and gripe and moan about how they don't do as good a job with 1.00

00:19:43.740 legal work as you guys do again, that might be true and that's all fine and great.

00:19:48.440 But if nobody knows that you're better and they're not, it doesn't matter.

00:19:51.680 And your cry baby attitude towards a legal firm that's doing a better job marketing is

00:19:57.760 your fault because you're not doing a good job marketing.

00:20:00.540 And I believe this, if you do, as you believe have the best legal services in town, then

00:20:06.540 you have a moral responsibility and obligation to make sure that as many people as humanly

00:20:12.700 possible know that's the case.

00:20:15.960 And so that's a fault of yours.

00:20:18.000 Don't cry about them not offering good legal services, cry about yourself, not learning to

00:20:22.800 market the way those people do.

00:20:24.980 Yeah, totally.

00:20:25.400 In our leadership development program, we talked about effective communication just a couple

00:20:31.100 weeks ago.

00:20:32.280 And one of the things that I called out is effective communication is the conduit of your effective

00:20:40.480 leadership.

00:20:41.760 Meaning if we can't clearly communicate, it doesn't matter if we have great ideas.

00:20:47.140 It doesn't matter that we care about our people.

00:20:48.980 All those things ultimately do not be, they're not brought to bear in the service of other

00:20:55.820 individuals if we're ineffective with communicating them.

00:20:59.840 And that's the concept of marketing, right?

00:21:03.600 Is you can be amazing, but if no one knows about you, how amazing are you really?

00:21:09.260 Yeah.

00:21:09.420 It's the old, does the bear shit in the woods?

00:21:11.280 If you know, nobody, or does the, or not that, I'm sorry.

00:21:14.620 I haven't heard that one.

00:21:15.460 I thought it was a tree that fell.

00:21:16.700 Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

00:21:18.340 The tree, does the tree, if there's a tree make a sound, you know, if nobody's around

00:21:21.960 to hear it, if it falls, if I like to figure out how this works.

00:21:27.880 So did the bear really shit in the woods?

00:21:30.780 If you didn't, if nobody saw it, if nobody took a picture of it and posted it on Instagram,

00:21:34.780 did the bear really shit in the woods?

00:21:36.140 I think that's how it goes.

00:21:37.660 Oh, okay.

00:21:38.860 Whatever.

00:21:39.260 All right, Aaron, Aaron, Ian Erickson, what are some actionable strategies to help you

00:21:48.320 stop being resentful or bitter?

00:21:51.020 I'm a young man who has had a lot of tribulation growing up, which has led to a strong distrust

00:21:56.520 of others.

00:21:58.020 A thinking process that is no longer serving me.

00:22:01.040 Your thoughts.

00:22:01.800 How did the circumstances help you?

00:22:10.940 Like that, I think about that with my own life.

00:22:13.480 I look, I, a lot of people will paint their lives, their early lives is, you know, some

00:22:18.300 sort of horrific and tragic upbringing and not everybody had a horrific upbringing.

00:22:22.260 I didn't.

00:22:22.880 Now I had some things that I think were less than favorable circumstances, but I don't think

00:22:26.940 I had a horrible childhood, but that said, you know, I didn't really have a permanent

00:22:31.440 father figure around when I was growing up.

00:22:33.540 That's something I would have liked.

00:22:34.940 So I could be resentful and bitter and realize that that's not going to help me.

00:22:39.240 What's done is done.

00:22:40.420 It's being resentful that way.

00:22:42.060 It doesn't help improve my life, but I can actually look at those circumstances and say,

00:22:46.200 man, look what we've created because of that.

00:22:49.740 Or look at who you become in spite of it.

00:22:53.340 Not even in spite of it, because of it.

00:22:56.500 Because of it.

00:22:57.800 It had to happen.

00:22:59.900 I had a mentor of mine years and years ago.

00:23:03.960 He was diagnosed with some sort.

00:23:07.960 I can't remember.

00:23:08.720 It was a long time ago.

00:23:09.560 I can't remember if it was cancer.

00:23:10.920 It was a medical illness.

00:23:12.040 I'm pretty sure it was some form of rare cancer.

00:23:15.000 And as he was fighting this, he really struggled because he was always fit and active and he

00:23:20.360 couldn't do that as much.

00:23:21.400 And the cancer really hurt his body.

00:23:22.960 And then even just treatment was rough and painful.

00:23:25.700 And his business suffered for it.

00:23:27.920 It was really a struggle for him.

00:23:30.560 Well, come to find out this cancer or this illness.

00:23:33.560 Again, I can't remember right off hand, so you'll have to forgive me on that.

00:23:36.060 But whatever it was, was genetic.

00:23:37.600 And because it was genetic, the likelihood of his children developing this illness were

00:23:43.840 significantly higher because it ran in the family.

00:23:47.780 And he said that as he was going through it and he was learning about this disease, he

00:23:52.340 really threw himself a pity party.

00:23:53.880 Poor me, this is horrible.

00:23:56.120 Why did this happen to me?

00:23:57.480 And he really honed in on the, why did this happen to me?

00:24:01.120 And what he said, and I'll never forget, and I'm paraphrasing, but the message is the

00:24:05.180 same.

00:24:05.720 He said when he started to learn that it was genetic, he knew why it happened to him.

00:24:10.620 It happened to him so that he could help his children navigate it significantly more seamlessly

00:24:16.580 than he could.

00:24:17.280 He took that on, not voluntarily, but he took that on so that he could help his children

00:24:25.420 go through if they have to, or maybe even find ways to not go through it because of their

00:24:29.980 diet and workouts and training and their overall health.

00:24:33.460 But he was the, he, he took the brunt of it.

00:24:37.220 So he began to believe that it didn't happen to him.

00:24:41.020 It happened for him.

00:24:43.220 Same exact set of circumstances, but he chose to look at it as.

00:24:47.280 I'm taking this upon myself so that my children don't have to do with it, deal with it the

00:24:51.640 way that I did.

00:24:52.680 Yeah.

00:24:53.600 And I just, man, that is an incredible, incredible way.

00:24:56.960 Not only to look at his situation, but just life.

00:24:59.240 You got laid off.

00:25:00.580 Okay.

00:25:01.920 What vulnerabilities do you have?

00:25:04.060 What, what exposure do you have?

00:25:05.480 And what can you shore up a relationship didn't work out?

00:25:08.560 All right.

00:25:09.100 What skills do you need to develop and how do you need to improve yourself?

00:25:11.920 So this doesn't happen again.

00:25:13.100 The more that you can look at things happening for you and conspiring for your benefit, as

00:25:19.680 opposed to conspiring against you, the more likely it is that you'll release some of the

00:25:24.000 resentment that you have towards other people and circumstances that you've been through.

00:25:28.380 Totally.

00:25:28.940 Totally.

00:25:29.300 You know, when we look at resentful, like when we're resentful and we're bitter towards

00:25:35.040 people, I think Ian, it's important to realize that there's a big difference between what

00:25:40.840 happened versus your interpretation of what happened.

00:25:44.640 And most resentfulness and bitter and anger that we have from our past is because we believe

00:25:52.420 that something happened and it meant that we weren't good enough.

00:25:57.660 It meant that they didn't love us.

00:25:59.480 It meant all these other things.

00:26:02.280 And there's a high probability of your interpretation of it is different than reality.

00:26:08.240 And, you know, if we look at, you know, let's just make up an example here.

00:26:16.400 So if I had a father that was, you know, highly abusive when I was a kid, and this is going

00:26:25.500 to get, well, I don't know, maybe I don't need to preface this.

00:26:29.260 If, if I had a father that was abusive as a child, I have an option as an adult to say,

00:26:37.000 am I going to take that pass and carry it on into my, into my present state and into the

00:26:42.380 future?

00:26:42.680 And most people will because they are still blaming their, that father or the way their

00:26:50.800 life turned out.

00:26:53.000 And that is a benefit because why?

00:26:55.900 Well, because if my life is a piece of shit, it's not my fault.

00:26:58.860 And it's because of this.

00:27:01.180 And so in essence, it's a lack of taking ownership for your current state and how life is.

00:27:08.220 It's, it's literally a form of victimhood.

00:27:10.860 And I, and I get it that you may have been a victim at one point in your life, but you're

00:27:16.720 perpetuating a victimhood mindset by bringing it into your present state.

00:27:22.460 And there is power in empathy.

00:27:25.740 There's power in understanding that there's probably a big difference between your interpretation

00:27:31.060 of what happened versus what actually happened.

00:27:34.800 And I would suggest that in this example, my abusive father actually probably loved me

00:27:42.120 and probably cared about me and probably was doing the best job that he could do with his

00:27:48.060 circumstances based upon how he was raised.

00:27:50.680 And one statement I like to hold onto is if I were Ryan and I was raised the way that Ryan

00:27:56.600 was raised, I would do the same things Ryan would do.

00:27:59.480 And so who are we to place judgment of what should or should not be when we lack empathy of

00:28:06.140 understanding them as a person and probably what they went through.

00:28:09.980 And, and then here's the crazy part.

00:28:12.320 And, but there's power in this is you restore your integrity and you might be like, well, what

00:28:19.880 are you talking about?

00:28:20.660 I would, I didn't, I didn't do nothing wrong.

00:28:24.120 Well, maybe, or perhaps you have withheld love, affection, and other things from that

00:28:33.140 individual your entire life.

00:28:35.480 And maybe you need to go back to the table in this example I've made up, go back to dad

00:28:40.400 and say, you know what, dad, I'm sorry.

00:28:43.480 I'm going to own my part of this.

00:28:45.160 I'm going to take extreme ownership and own my part.

00:28:47.320 And the part I'm going to own is how I've reacted, how I've withheld love and affection

00:28:52.460 towards you.

00:28:53.220 Because when this happened, when we were younger, I interpreted it as that you didn't care about

00:28:57.920 me.

00:28:59.400 And that may not even be true.

00:29:01.860 And I've shown up in a disempowered way towards us.

00:29:05.960 I've hindered our relationship.

00:29:07.340 I stonewalled you because of that meaning in reality, I don't even know if that's true

00:29:12.400 or not.

00:29:12.740 And I'm sorry for that.

00:29:13.620 So you find the area where you can take ownership and you take ownership.

00:29:19.380 That is the only way that we empower and it's the only way we grow.

00:29:25.080 You can't grow from the experience and become a better man if you don't take ownership of

00:29:31.060 how you're reacting to it.

00:29:32.680 But as long as you keep pushing the blame back on what happened to you as a kid or whatever,

00:29:39.800 you won't grow.

00:29:42.340 You will continue to be a victim of that circumstance and you'll project that in all the

00:29:47.080 relationships that you have.

00:29:49.360 Well said.

00:29:50.140 I've got nothing.

00:29:50.960 It's powerful.

00:29:51.500 It's tough.

00:29:52.380 It's tough.

00:29:53.600 Okay.

00:29:54.480 Joseph.

00:29:55.520 You're not used to me not saying anything else.

00:29:57.800 I know.

00:29:58.480 I'm like weirded out.

00:29:59.280 Just add something really quick.

00:30:02.980 No, I don't need to add anything else, man.

00:30:04.560 You did a good, like you said it.

00:30:06.260 You said what needed to be said.

00:30:07.680 Joseph, my apologies, man.

00:30:09.300 I shouldn't know how to pronounce your last name.

00:30:10.880 So I'm just going to say that.

00:30:12.080 So Joseph Keating.

00:30:13.700 We said Keating is, I think, what you and I decided, but maybe we're way off.

00:30:18.520 We should know that.

00:30:19.080 So Joe, reach out to us, correct us so we can fix that.

00:30:22.840 His question, will there be another session of Order Man on the Warrior Poets Society

00:30:28.460 Network?

00:30:29.780 John and I talked last week.

00:30:30.860 Another season, I said.

00:30:31.940 Another season.

00:30:32.740 Yeah.

00:30:33.080 Yeah.

00:30:33.480 John and I talked last week about that.

00:30:35.720 Well, we talked last week, not specifically about that, but we have talked a little bit

00:30:39.020 about that.

00:30:39.520 The answer is, I don't know.

00:30:40.600 He doesn't know.

00:30:41.540 We're still trying to figure out how that makes sense.

00:30:43.560 What's the best way to do that?

00:30:44.640 So I can't give you a clear answer, but guys, I still am a huge fan of obviously Warrior

00:30:49.860 Poets Society and their network they have, which is basically Netflix for men from, you 0.96

00:30:56.380 know, I've got, I think three seasons on there of our show, exclusive stuff.

00:31:02.300 So the things that I haven't done over here, they've got training videos and culture commentary.

00:31:08.920 It's actually really, really powerful.

00:31:10.720 So that's the Warrior Poets Society Network.

00:31:12.240 I would highly suggest you check that out.

00:31:14.640 Awesome.

00:31:15.440 All right.

00:31:16.020 Anton Theodore.

00:31:17.980 Hello, sir.

00:31:19.160 What would be an example of something that young men should do and implement to get initiated

00:31:25.060 into becoming a man or what should a father do or implement into a son to initiate him

00:31:31.880 into manhood?

00:31:33.340 Yeah.

00:31:33.520 I mean, there's a lot of different things that you can do, but ultimately I think we

00:31:37.500 need to strip it down to what are the factors that should be included in something like this.

00:31:41.740 So it has to be challenging.

00:31:44.640 There has to be a level of risk.

00:31:47.040 I'm not talking about death necessarily, but there does have to be a level of risk.

00:31:51.800 There has to be some sort of ceremony or ritual to it that this is a ritualized process.

00:31:58.860 Even if it's just you doing it for the first time, it still has to be a ritualized process.

00:32:03.620 And there has to be some sort of acknowledgement from other men or men of the tribe.

00:32:07.280 So I would say those four things need to be included.

00:32:10.620 And if you look at anything, whether it's somebody going to war, it's challenging.

00:32:15.360 There's a level of risk.

00:32:16.980 What was the third thing I said?

00:32:19.240 Like the men or recognition of the men.

00:32:22.320 Oh yeah.

00:32:23.120 Ritualized, right?

00:32:23.940 Ritualized.

00:32:24.560 Ritualized.

00:32:24.980 And then that.

00:32:25.420 Yeah.

00:32:25.980 So ritualized.

00:32:27.260 So obviously there's a plan for training, basic training or bootcamp where you actually

00:32:33.080 go through a process.

00:32:34.560 And then at the end, it's acknowledged by the other men.

00:32:39.520 That your peers.

00:32:40.540 Your peers are acknowledged because they went through it as well.

00:32:43.760 And your supervisors, your superiors, they are acknowledging that as well.

00:32:49.080 They're literally pinning you with something, acknowledging you as a member of us now.

00:32:54.020 So that's it.

00:32:56.060 Those, those factors need to be included.

00:32:58.060 And so we, I've done things like, uh, there's a really cool hike here.

00:33:01.960 When my kids turn eight, we go to this, go on this hike and we hike and, uh, they, they

00:33:06.880 all know that.

00:33:07.520 So there's the ritualized process of it.

00:33:09.740 Yeah.

00:33:10.060 There's, it's challenging.

00:33:11.300 It's not an easy thing to do for an eight-year-old to do.

00:33:13.640 There's an element of risk.

00:33:14.640 Cause we go up there and we spend the night and it's cold and uncomfortable and maybe we'll

00:33:18.080 get hurt or be tired.

00:33:19.820 I mean, it's not, again, it's not risk of death, but there's still some risk there.

00:33:22.840 There are certain conversations that we have and certain items that I give to them where

00:33:27.780 they know.

00:33:28.180 And at the end they earned their first rifle.

00:33:31.440 So it's me acknowledging that you've gone through this, you've completed this and you're

00:33:35.680 ready for the next evolutions.

00:33:37.520 Yeah.

00:33:38.080 And maybe, maybe ideas like what stages do you do for that?

00:33:42.220 Cause obviously you're, you've talked about a stage at age eight.

00:33:45.840 Yeah.

00:33:46.280 Um, what ages are you executing kind of a ritual of some sort?

00:33:50.500 I mean, I would say do that every, every, you know, one to two years, you can do that

00:33:53.620 as a yearly thing, or you can do it every couple of years, but every year there should

00:33:56.480 be something.

00:33:57.020 Um, my youngest son who's, uh, seven, he's talking about wanting to go hunting.

00:34:02.280 He's like, cause he sees me going hunting with his older brothers and he wants to go.

00:34:05.920 My daughter, uh, is also going, uh, we're, we're planning a hunt for later in the year

00:34:09.940 with her.

00:34:11.020 So they see me going through that with their older brothers and they want to go through

00:34:14.680 that process.

00:34:15.260 So again, there's that ritualized component of it.

00:34:18.340 It's challenging.

00:34:19.120 And then there's a ceremony, meaning you actually killed your first animal.

00:34:22.200 Like that's part of the process of growing and developing.

00:34:25.120 So I would say at least yearly, you want to incorporate some sort of experience that has

00:34:30.600 those factors and it gets progressively challenging, which is going to be good for you too.

00:34:35.260 Cause you got to stay on your game, but it'll get progressively challenging as you go.

00:34:38.960 So it could be a Spartan race.

00:34:40.480 It could be a hike in a camp out.

00:34:41.680 Like I talked about, it could be a hunt, uh, you know, any, any number of things that could

00:34:46.260 be based on where you are and what you like and what you're proficient with.

00:34:49.960 Just make sure it includes those four factors.

00:34:52.720 Yeah.

00:34:52.920 I like that.

00:34:53.900 We, um, Asia and I, we did, um, our, our 2024 planning over the weekend.

00:35:00.060 And one of the things that we did is we talked about each kid and kind of the four

00:35:05.480 quadrants of, you know, how are they doing in these four areas and what can we do to,

00:35:10.360 you know, be better parents to help them spiritually or physically and what things we have in place.

00:35:18.060 And one thing that we had on our docket was the challenge for us this year.

00:35:22.220 Right.

00:35:22.460 What's the, what's the thing.

00:35:24.640 Right.

00:35:25.040 And, and I think she's, I mean, I think I pretty confident.

00:35:28.640 I think she signed up for her first half Ironman and that's her, that's what she's taken on

00:35:34.120 this year.

00:35:34.520 Right.

00:35:35.340 Um, I'm taking away from this conversation of, Hmm, we didn't do that for our kids though.

00:35:41.180 And I like that.

00:35:42.360 And so I think I'm going to bring that back to the drawing table this week of, all right,

00:35:46.560 Kika, what's the challenge, right?

00:35:48.760 Are we going to do a 5k tough mutter?

00:35:51.160 Are you going to run Zion's relay with us?

00:35:53.220 Right.

00:35:53.340 Like what's the thing this year, what's the big hairy challenge that's going to push them

00:36:00.240 and, uh, is going to be something that they can work towards and, and build some confidence

00:36:05.000 and, and feel great about.

00:36:06.640 So I like, I like this question.

00:36:08.620 Cause that's, that's going to help us kind of think through what we can do for our kids

00:36:11.640 better.

00:36:12.280 Yeah.

00:36:12.700 And it's good for us too, right?

00:36:13.980 It serves us as well.

00:36:15.020 Boy, cause I, now I have to do a stupid 5k, you know, tough mutter or whatever.

00:36:18.360 And you know, I'm, I'm, I'm being pulled into half Ironman training all of a sudden.

00:36:24.220 I know that I'm like, ah, I know that that's good.

00:36:28.120 No, it's a good thing.

00:36:28.960 It's good when every it's, it's like the adage, a bear shits in the woods.

00:36:32.540 No, I'm just kidding.

00:36:33.140 It's the, it's the, there's no correlation.

00:36:36.860 It's the adage of a rising tide lifts all ships.

00:36:39.500 There you go.

00:36:42.000 All right, Jerry Sadell, what is the best way to grow a coaching business?

00:36:46.540 So many people do not want the accountability, discipline, and structure having challenges

00:36:52.160 getting clients.

00:36:54.580 Yeah.

00:36:54.700 Look, if you're, I'm going to be a little, little firm on this one.

00:36:58.320 If you're already saying nobody wants coaching accountability, like you're never going to

00:37:03.540 find anybody because you already decided that too many people don't want coaching and

00:37:09.080 accountability.

00:37:09.760 So now it's just self-fulfilling prophecy.

00:37:11.640 You just have to find a bunch of people to prove you right.

00:37:15.240 That's easy.

00:37:16.120 Yeah.

00:37:16.540 There's plenty of people.

00:37:17.980 There's plenty there.

00:37:19.040 They're everywhere.

00:37:20.580 We've got what we've got tens of thousands of people who have gone through the iron council.

00:37:26.240 They're everywhere.

00:37:27.480 And you don't need everyone.

00:37:28.960 You just need a hundred for now, 200, 500, a thousand, whatever, but you don't need everyone.

00:37:34.940 So get that out of your mind.

00:37:36.420 That's a toxic thought.

00:37:37.660 And frankly, it's just not true.

00:37:40.120 Yeah.

00:37:40.560 I think most people do want coaching and accountability, but what you're going to have

00:37:44.660 to figure out is where their time is, how they're going to be able to afford it, how they're going

00:37:51.340 to balance doing this extra thing with what they already have going on, how to make sure

00:37:55.780 you articulate and communicate that their investment is going to be returned tenfold or plus to them.

00:38:01.180 So those are the real answers.

00:38:03.300 Like, let's not just stop.

00:38:04.440 They don't want it.

00:38:05.120 No, they do want it.

00:38:06.940 They just have some objections to it, which are valid. 0.99

00:38:10.860 If I'm looking for coaching, I have to figure out where in my schedule that's going to go.

00:38:16.240 That's a valid concern.

00:38:18.780 That's not an excuse.

00:38:19.980 That's a reason.

00:38:20.720 And that's something that I, as a coach or providing the services need to identify, anticipate

00:38:25.640 and address head on.

00:38:27.800 And then once you learn what those problems are for people, maybe they've done this in

00:38:32.640 the past and they've had a horrible experience because whoever they hired didn't do a good

00:38:35.720 job.

00:38:36.200 Okay.

00:38:36.980 I need to know that as the one providing the services, because now I know what I need to

00:38:40.700 market.

00:38:41.500 So the more problems that we can identify, not that they don't want it, but what's keeping

00:38:45.520 them from having it.

00:38:46.820 Because if I said to you, Hey, do you want to make a million dollars this year?

00:38:50.460 You would say, of course, absolutely.

00:38:53.300 I want to make a million dollars this year.

00:38:55.940 Okay.

00:38:56.640 Well, you need to do this, this, this, and this.

00:38:58.340 Well, I mean, I'm busy with work and like my kids, I'm coaching my kids' soccer team and

00:39:05.060 I'm doing this and I'm doing that.

00:39:06.700 Okay.

00:39:07.600 So you want it, but there's hurdles to having it.

00:39:10.280 Right.

00:39:10.700 Okay.

00:39:10.900 Let me help you overcome these hurdles.

00:39:12.800 If I could show you how to do that, would you work with me to make a million dollars

00:39:16.360 this year?

00:39:17.200 That's marketing, but you got to figure out what the pain points are.

00:39:21.120 Totally.

00:39:21.580 What in what's innovate, right?

00:39:24.360 Maybe, maybe he's right.

00:39:25.820 Right.

00:39:26.100 People don't want accountability, discipline, and structure.

00:39:28.160 Awesome.

00:39:28.940 So how do you clarify?

00:39:31.840 How do you bridge?

00:39:32.860 How do you innovate in a way that discipline is not an issue?

00:39:35.540 How do you communicate in a way that accountability sounds awesome, right?

00:39:40.100 Like then address the problem.

00:39:43.000 And then that makes you so much better as a coach because every other coach is going,

00:39:48.180 well, these are the things you're going to struggle with.

00:39:50.160 It's like, it's like, it's like the analogy of, um, change.

00:39:55.160 I can't stand it.

00:39:56.140 It drives me mad.

00:39:57.080 Oh, everyone hates change.

00:39:58.340 You know, you know how it is.

00:39:59.680 Change is difficult.

00:40:00.660 So, you know, it's just the way it is.

00:40:02.500 And I'm like, BS.

00:40:05.580 That's, that's, that's not true.

00:40:07.800 Hey, Ryan, you want a million bucks?

00:40:09.300 It's change.

00:40:10.080 I don't know if you want it.

00:40:11.980 Absolutely.

00:40:12.620 You're going to go like, yeah, I want it.

00:40:13.920 Why?

00:40:14.600 Because the desire is there.

00:40:17.560 So now what do I do?

00:40:18.920 I want to handle change.

00:40:20.120 I have to focus on desire.

00:40:22.500 How am I, what am I doing benefits the individual.

00:40:26.260 And if that's clear and they, they can see the value and I communicate and articulate in a way,

00:40:31.280 then they're on board.

00:40:32.580 Okay, I guess change isn't a problem then.

00:40:35.940 What's the problem is us clarifying the benefit to individuals.

00:40:39.660 So they have willingness to pivot and adjust.

00:40:42.900 People are willing to pivot and adjust.

00:40:45.560 The question is, is whether they're confident in the actions.

00:40:49.940 Okay, well then now how do I build up the confidence, right?

00:40:52.480 How do I articulate my message and my coaching in a way that they don't question whether it's

00:40:57.140 going to work or not, right?

00:40:58.120 Like back to what you said earlier, man, there's, there's power.

00:41:02.320 We're in finding a way and innovating when we're committed to the idea.

00:41:06.300 But the minute we are, well, people don't.

00:41:10.400 You're not serving yourself even, you know, in that example.

00:41:13.900 So.

00:41:14.180 Yep.

00:41:14.600 Yep.

00:41:14.860 Exactly.

00:41:15.920 Cool.

00:41:16.380 Cool.

00:41:16.480 Yes.

00:41:17.260 Bob Ross.

00:41:17.840 I often feel guilty if I'm not a hundred percent engaged with my son all the time when we are

00:41:23.000 at home examples.

00:41:24.200 If I have plans to, to do home project, I have no issue with this, but if there's a downtime

00:41:29.480 at the house, I feel I must be engaged since he is our only child, seven years old.

00:41:33.800 So my wife is concerned that he is not learning to entertain himself.

00:41:38.560 That's actually a good point.

00:41:39.860 I want to be balanced being the best father I can be with making sure I give him the tools

00:41:44.480 and skills he needs to flourish.

00:41:46.100 I feel guilty if I'm not engaged, even if we have been together doing things all day,

00:41:50.640 I believe my wife is correct, but I don't know where to draw the line thoughts and ideas

00:41:55.200 would be appreciated.

00:41:56.000 Yeah.

00:41:56.660 I thought that was a good point, like learning to entertain himself.

00:41:59.800 So I think we can do that at seven years old by fostering certain things that, that

00:42:05.820 he enjoys.

00:42:06.700 So my daughter, for example, really loves to draw.

00:42:09.720 So we, we communicate about it.

00:42:12.060 And if I have something I need to do and get taken care of because I'm engaged, I will talk

00:42:15.980 with her.

00:42:16.460 Hey, you know, hon, we've been doing this all day.

00:42:19.340 I have a couple of phone calls I need to make, or I'm going to go to the gym for an hour,

00:42:23.140 or I'm going to do fill in the blank.

00:42:24.600 And why don't you find something to do?

00:42:27.620 And then that way this evening we can come back and we can do something else together.

00:42:32.480 So now you're communicating what you're doing.

00:42:34.400 And you can also articulate how important it is that you go to the gym so you can stay

00:42:37.820 healthy so that we're here and present and available and not tired all the time.

00:42:41.060 Right.

00:42:41.400 So you talk to her about that in the meantime, you know, my daughter really enjoys drawing.

00:42:45.880 So I can share with her a couple of things that she might be able to do.

00:42:50.100 Maybe it's go play, play outside, call a, call a friend and have her come over or go

00:42:56.000 over there, draw, giving her ideas and just letting her struggle through that a little

00:43:00.880 bit.

00:43:01.160 I think that's a really good point.

00:43:02.500 Our job is just to foster some of that growth and creativity by providing opportunities to

00:43:07.020 them.

00:43:07.960 Another thing that you can do is you can also, maybe you're already doing this, include them

00:43:12.540 in what you're doing.

00:43:13.140 If you have a project around the house that needs to be accomplished, your, your son is

00:43:17.640 seven.

00:43:18.320 He can help you.

00:43:19.480 And yes, it's going to slow the process down.

00:43:22.320 It's not going to be as convenient.

00:43:24.500 It's going to be frustrating at times, but if you're feeling guilty about not doing things

00:43:28.600 together and not being engaged, here's a great way for you to get things done and also include

00:43:33.660 your children.

00:43:34.780 My oldest, he's 15.

00:43:36.820 He'll soon be 16.

00:43:38.060 Him and I go to the gym three days a week.

00:43:40.060 So I still go get my time in the gym.

00:43:43.380 He gets his time in the gym.

00:43:45.400 We don't really talk out that much.

00:43:47.120 In fact, he does a different workout typically than I do, but we have the drive there.

00:43:51.120 We have the workout time we'll pass or I'll spot him or he'll spot me.

00:43:54.580 And then we have the drive home.

00:43:56.820 That's just a good little, I'm going to spend the time there anyways.

00:43:59.580 What a great way to involve him for something healthy.

00:44:02.140 He sees me working hard.

00:44:03.280 He sees the results I'm producing and it's a great way to get what I need done and include

00:44:07.140 him in the process.

00:44:07.740 So when you have a child who's seven getting older, that's a nice thing because you can

00:44:12.140 start including them in a lot more.

00:44:14.640 And I think there's, you know, to your example, some of the examples like, you know, whether

00:44:19.360 it's reading time, it's like, okay, we're going to take a 30 minute break.

00:44:22.140 I'm reading, you're reading.

00:44:24.080 They're kind of doing it by themselves, but they're doing it with you, if that makes sense.

00:44:27.460 Or, you know, one thing I've done is like, hey, let's clean our rooms.

00:44:32.760 Let's race.

00:44:34.440 Dad's going to pick up my room.

00:44:36.060 You go pick up your room.

00:44:37.460 And then after we're done with our rooms, then we'll come back together.

00:44:40.780 Right.

00:44:41.020 And so it's a little bit of we're doing it together, but we're really not.

00:44:45.440 And allows them to kind of, you know, run solo for a bit.

00:44:48.960 And I'm not hovering over them, making sure they're doing everything perfectly.

00:44:53.340 You know what I mean?

00:44:53.920 And that they're able to entertain and have a little bit of discipline in themselves.

00:44:57.880 But we're kind of doing it as a partnership at the same time.

00:45:00.560 I think there's a lot of little elements of that we could do that.

00:45:04.140 So, yeah.

00:45:04.960 And the last thing I wrote here to Kip is just boundaries and commitment.

00:45:08.180 Like you want to make sure that if you're reading example, don't let your kids interfere

00:45:12.960 with that.

00:45:13.720 If they, if you're reading and it's reading time and everybody knows it's reading time

00:45:16.740 and they say, Hey dad, can you get me some milk?

00:45:19.020 No.

00:45:21.000 Reading time.

00:45:21.440 Reading time right now.

00:45:22.880 Well, I'm thirsty.

00:45:23.840 Well, in a half an hour, I can get you some milk.

00:45:27.040 Your kid's not going to die of thirst because they don't get a drink for a half hour.

00:45:30.800 And they'll know that the boundary is real.

00:45:32.960 They're going to test and push on it all the time.

00:45:35.700 And the more that you waffle, the more they know they can manipulate you.

00:45:38.500 And then they know they start to learn the tactics they need to do in order to manipulate

00:45:42.380 you to get what they want.

00:45:44.820 So establish the boundary, communicate the boundary, uphold the boundary.

00:45:48.900 And then the last thing I wrote is make sure that you honor your commitment.

00:45:52.200 And I haven't always been great at this, but if I say, Hey, look, no, I can't go ride

00:45:57.700 bikes with you right now because I'm going to go to the gym for an hour, but I'll do that

00:46:02.640 when I get home.

00:46:03.500 You have to do it when you get home because you said you would.

00:46:06.380 So if you want people to honor your boundaries, then you have to honor your commitments and

00:46:10.840 they'll see.

00:46:11.800 And the more you do that, they'll begin to see, Oh yeah, dad does go to the gym at this

00:46:15.180 time.

00:46:15.500 So you have to be consistent about it.

00:46:17.020 And I know that's the case.

00:46:18.420 And, but when he gets home, he always rides bikes with me because they know you've set

00:46:21.740 the standard.

00:46:22.280 You set the precedent right now.

00:46:23.900 You may not be setting a precedent so they don't have anything to run on or information

00:46:27.420 to, to, uh, interpret, give them good information and follow through on your commitments.

00:46:32.740 Totally.

00:46:34.180 I can't help, but add this, even though this is not part of, uh, Bob's question, but the

00:46:39.340 opportunity to create delayed gratification, super, super important.

00:46:44.520 And I think those boundaries help that, right?

00:46:46.780 Oh, I want this.

00:46:48.220 You're going to have to wait.

00:46:50.160 Yeah.

00:46:50.680 Right.

00:46:51.060 We got 30 minutes.

00:46:51.960 You're going to have to wait.

00:46:52.660 Um, we live in a dopamine world and, and kids are getting instant gratification, every

00:47:01.920 direction, any opportunity to teach them to grind a little, not to be excited right now.

00:47:09.700 And I'm going to have to wait for a reward over a period of time.

00:47:13.400 The more we can teach our kids to do that, the better, because in my opinion, that will

00:47:18.860 be the determining factor on whether they're successful in life is their ability to delay

00:47:24.420 gratification.

00:47:25.220 So look for those opportunities to do that as much as humanly possible.

00:47:29.520 And to his wife's, uh, comment, us constantly engaging with our kids all the time is a form

00:47:37.580 of constant gratification because we're entertaining in the whole time.

00:47:43.060 They, they need that alone time.

00:47:44.860 They need that time to kind of push through and do some difficult things and get reward

00:47:48.920 later.

00:47:49.400 So as spot on by mom, keep her, Bob. 0.96

00:47:53.220 Agreed.

00:47:53.840 Keep her.

00:47:54.840 All right, brother.

00:47:55.580 Well, why don't you, uh, why don't you finish this off today?

00:47:57.800 Yeah.

00:47:58.060 So the, the key thing is enrollment for the iron council is closed.

00:48:02.660 Uh, but you can join us for our battle ready program in the meantime, until Roman opens in,

00:48:07.700 in Q2 that's order of man.com slash battle ready.

00:48:11.320 And of course you can connect with Mr.

00:48:13.900 Mickler on Twitter X and Instagram at Ryan Mickler, and then get your swag as always at

00:48:21.160 store.orderofman.com.

00:48:23.300 Yes, sir.

00:48:24.520 All right, guys, great questions today.

00:48:25.960 And as always, I hope we gave you something to think about and consider.

00:48:28.540 Uh, we will be back on Friday until then go out there, take action, become the man you

00:48:32.660 are meant to be.

00:48:33.520 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

00:48:37.380 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:48:41.520 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:48:44.660 Bye.

00:48:45.660 Bye.

00:48:48.660 Bye.

00:48:49.140 Bye.

00:48:51.700 Bye.

00:48:53.900 Bye.

00:48:54.920 Bye.

00:48:56.520 Bye.

00:48:57.520 Bye.

00:48:57.980 Bye.

00:49:06.040 Bye.

00:49:10.100 Bye.

00:49:10.280 Bye.

00:49:10.300 Bye.

00:49:10.360 Bye.

Order of Man - January 10, 2024

Structured Time with Men, Hobby vs. Career, and the Ritualization of Manhood ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript