Order of Man - Talking With Your Kids About Suicide, What to do When Things Fall Apart, and Reconciliation With Your Father ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:05.960 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.380 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.380 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.580 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.940 Kip, what's up man? Great to see you this morning.

00:00:27.140 I like that we do this on Mondays because it just starts my week off right.

00:00:31.360 It certainly does. It's not convenient.

00:00:34.380 On Mondays are crazy for me.

00:00:35.480 Mondays are horrible when you get back to work and you got a thousand things to do.

00:00:39.320 We could talk about that though.

00:00:40.940 If it doesn't work, let's bum it back to later.

00:00:45.220 Let's be frank. It's just like working out. Is it ever convenient?

00:00:48.100 No, it's actually not.

00:00:49.560 If it serves us, let's stick with it.

00:00:52.800 I was thinking about it.

00:00:54.740 My schedule is a little wonky this morning.

00:00:57.140 I couldn't get into the gym.

00:00:59.220 Actually, I could not.

00:01:00.200 Just based on some commitments and obligations I have, I just could not get into the gym this morning.

00:01:05.240 One of the questions that we get from guys a lot quite often is,

00:01:08.640 what do you do when you have a weird schedule?

00:01:14.280 Barring being on call, maybe your LEO, medical community, something like that, being on call,

00:01:21.280 you know your schedule at least 24 hours ahead of time.

00:01:24.380 It might change from week to week, but you know, usually a couple of days before.

00:01:28.360 And last night I went through my entire week.

00:01:30.520 I sat down in front of my computer.

00:01:32.100 I went through my entire week and it's not ideal.

00:01:35.820 It's not the way perfectly I would love to have it.

00:01:38.420 This week is just requires some flexibility, but I went through last night and I just plan

00:01:43.120 it out.

00:01:43.460 I'm like, okay, well, I can't do my workout in the morning, but I can do it at two o'clock

00:01:46.440 this afternoon.

00:01:47.400 So I penned it in for two o'clock tomorrow.

00:01:49.760 I have this, the next day I have this, the next day I have that.

00:01:51.940 And it's really different this week, but that doesn't keep me from planning it out because

00:01:56.700 I know ahead of time what it is.

00:01:58.460 So guys, if you're on a weird schedule, I understand if you're on call, that makes it

00:02:03.440 a little harder, but you all get your schedule a week ahead of time.

00:02:06.940 So if you can't do it at 7am, get, grow some adaptability.

00:02:11.700 We talked about it on Friday's call.

00:02:13.220 Be resilient.

00:02:14.180 You know, don't say, Hey, I can't do it because I can't do it at seven.

00:02:16.560 Just figure out a different time to do the things that are important to you.

00:02:20.000 Yeah.

00:02:20.400 And I think the key there, I was even thinking about this last night.

00:02:23.740 I think the key is intentionally planning.

00:02:26.300 It's not going to work, right?

00:02:27.520 Crazy schedules are schedules that are inconsistent.

00:02:31.200 The planning becomes even more critical, right?

00:02:33.840 I've been working on a house on the weekends and get my protein in.

00:02:38.880 Could I have, I totally could have, but I had to be extra intentional and plan a little

00:02:44.960 bit harder.

00:02:45.580 Right.

00:02:46.280 And, and that's the, that's the difference is it just requires a little bit more intentionality

00:02:50.740 and planning is all.

00:02:52.300 Yeah.

00:02:52.380 I mean, I even think about that with the diet, since you were talking about the protein stuff

00:02:55.620 is, you know, a lot of times guys will fall off of their diets when they're, when they're

00:03:00.400 traveling.

00:03:01.340 Oh, you know, I'm doing fast food.

00:03:02.840 I'm doing this.

00:03:03.460 Every fast food place.

00:03:05.380 Every restaurant in America has a chicken option and some sort of vegetables.

00:03:11.220 Totally.

00:03:11.620 You know, if you go to Texas roadhouse, you get a steak, you get some asparagus or broccoli

00:03:15.840 and you eat half of the potato.

00:03:18.560 But how about those, uh, those rolls with the, I mean, they're delicious, but show some

00:03:23.940 discipline, you know, if McDonald's is in your area.

00:03:28.460 All right, get a, get a chicken breast sandwich, take the bun off, throw the bun away, do without

00:03:33.860 the condiments, eat the chicken breast, don't eat the French fries and get a baked potato.

00:03:37.920 I mean, guys, if, if you're saying that, Hey, this is the thing that's keeping me from

00:03:43.800 doing what I want.

00:03:45.400 We're really just making excuses.

00:03:47.060 And I understand I do it too, but be like you said, be more intentional, be more deliberate,

00:03:53.180 be more committed to our goals and our objectives, and we can really make anything work in this

00:03:59.880 timeframe.

00:04:00.220 I saw a poster, a meme or something, and it was talking about dieting.

00:04:07.540 I can't remember exactly what it said, but it said, we, you know, we've gotten so comfortable

00:04:11.420 and so complacent that we consider eating healthy food, dieting.

00:04:16.340 We have to consider.

00:04:17.040 It's like this extra thing you have to do.

00:04:19.760 Yeah.

00:04:20.500 Same thing with going to the gym.

00:04:21.820 I've talked about it before.

00:04:22.800 Or we have to go to a place where there's weights and they're perfectly symmetrically

00:04:27.800 machined and balanced and it's climate controlled.

00:04:31.540 And the music is just right.

00:04:33.380 And you have all the little equipment I was talking with my niece yesterday, and she's

00:04:38.880 really big into working out.

00:04:39.960 She's been doing really well.

00:04:40.780 I'm proud of her.

00:04:42.860 And, and she said that she was talking to the gym and she wants this specific machine

00:04:50.500 to do this one thing.

00:04:52.720 And I get it.

00:04:53.720 I think it's cool that we have that option, but it's also kind of funny.

00:04:57.240 We need this perfectly machined one thing that exercises one muscle group.

00:05:04.240 It's good.

00:05:05.300 It's just a funny thing that we do because we have it so easy.

00:05:08.700 Yeah.

00:05:10.300 Yeah.

00:05:10.620 Yeah.

00:05:10.800 First world problems, right?

00:05:12.420 Exactly.

00:05:13.020 First world problems.

00:05:14.140 Yeah.

00:05:14.320 I remember as a, as a kid on the farm, I used to work out in this old cabin that was on

00:05:21.160 the property, threw my weights in there and the weights, like the plates are all metal.

00:05:26.960 You know what I mean?

00:05:27.500 Like they're just concrete.

00:05:30.180 And me and my buddy, Richard, we'd go in there like at 5.

00:05:33.280 AM in the morning and just, you'd freeze your ass off, like grabbing the bar, like your 0.97

00:05:38.740 hand might stick to the bar. 0.97

00:05:40.220 Yeah.

00:05:40.500 It's a little water on there and it sticks.

00:05:42.680 Yeah.

00:05:42.980 But, but you're like, kind of like, Oh, you know, and then probably about 20 minutes in

00:05:47.260 your workout, you were finally warm enough that it was like, not uncomfortable, but everything

00:05:51.820 would just wicked freezing cold in the middle of winter, you know, now here I am like, Oh,

00:05:57.140 you know, this is uncomfortable.

00:05:59.760 Yeah.

00:06:00.560 Uncomfortable.

00:06:00.940 My knees hurt.

00:06:01.700 I'm going to go on the elliptical instead of go do the treadmill.

00:06:06.140 Um, yeah.

00:06:07.180 I, you know, this is why we dreaded playing in, in high school.

00:06:10.480 In fact, it was really cool.

00:06:12.240 I, I was able to catch up with my high school football and baseball coach this weekend.

00:06:15.760 And I went and talked with his boys on the team and it's really cool to catch up with

00:06:19.300 him.

00:06:19.440 But, uh, it, it got me thinking about football specifically.

00:06:22.940 Cause that was the sport I really enjoyed.

00:06:24.540 He, he really enjoys baseball and I was mediocre at best at baseball.

00:06:28.820 And I was slightly above average at football.

00:06:31.660 Uh, and it's interesting.

00:06:35.680 Cause we always dreaded playing, uh, Kanab and, uh, Milford and Delta because those were

00:06:44.380 the farm boys.

00:06:45.360 Those guys were throwing hay bales, moving pipe all summer.

00:06:49.200 Like they came to football practice, jacked and ready to go on the first of the season.

00:06:54.300 Farm strength.

00:06:55.540 Farm strength.

00:06:56.320 Yep.

00:06:56.700 Exactly.

00:06:58.120 Yeah.

00:06:58.740 That's funny.

00:06:59.400 All right, man.

00:07:00.080 Should we get into some questions today?

00:07:01.660 Yeah, for sure.

00:07:02.920 Uh, before we actually get into those questions, um, this conversation about you and I about,

00:07:09.380 Hey, you gotta, you gotta get to the gym.

00:07:11.580 You gotta go when you gotta go.

00:07:13.280 You gotta plan.

00:07:14.200 These are kind of the conversation, not kind of, these are the types of conversations

00:07:18.300 that happen in the iron council.

00:07:20.020 When you're part of a battle team.

00:07:21.680 Yeah.

00:07:22.160 When you're part of a group of other men and you're having these kinds of talks of dude,

00:07:27.620 no, you got to get to the gym, do this.

00:07:30.380 And you want someone to help push you right.

00:07:32.620 And hold you accountable.

00:07:34.220 Uh, we are open for enrollment for the remainder of this week.

00:07:37.940 So if you're on the fence, you want to execute and band with some men and get held accountable

00:07:42.260 going to the second quarter of this year, go to order of man.com slash iron council.

00:07:47.840 Sir, sir.

00:07:49.000 Yeah.

00:07:49.140 Like you said, all right for a couple more days.

00:07:50.940 So let's get after it.

00:07:52.320 Yep.

00:07:52.600 Join us.

00:07:53.180 All right.

00:07:53.760 We're filling questions from Facebook.

00:07:55.500 If you haven't joined us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man, Chad.

00:07:59.600 Oh, we, how did you get back up after being betrayed by an ex wife or a wife that is now

00:08:06.960 an ex left with very little resources, small amount of time to see kids, how to get the

00:08:12.380 strength to move forward and rebuild.

00:08:14.780 Love what, love what you're doing.

00:08:16.520 My brother, Ryan.

00:08:17.280 Thank you.

00:08:18.340 Yeah.

00:08:18.560 I mean, that's hard, obviously, you know, that's a difficult thing because you probably

00:08:23.720 prided yourself on being married.

00:08:25.160 You pride yourself on being a father.

00:08:26.740 You probably wrapped up your identity in those things.

00:08:29.060 And now it's taken away.

00:08:30.420 And not only that, some of the resources to be able to be those things is diminished.

00:08:36.020 So that's also very challenging.

00:08:39.180 So here's what I think about it.

00:08:41.260 Um, you can't control other people.

00:08:43.740 And even in the post itself, I recognize a little bit of animosity and contention and

00:08:50.500 resentment towards your ex, which based on the limited information we have here is understandable.

00:08:55.880 But I think you have to ask yourself whether or not that contention and animosity is serving

00:09:01.040 you, or if it's like shackles that you've shackled around your, your ankles and your

00:09:05.220 wrists, and you're allowing it to hold you back.

00:09:08.320 Maybe if you decided that you're not going to harbor those, those thoughts and those ideas

00:09:13.340 and that contention, that animosity towards her and let that go, you could spend more of

00:09:18.580 your time, energy, and attention focused on the things that are within your control, like

00:09:22.960 getting your health in check, like developing new skill sets, building out a band of brothers.

00:09:30.400 Maybe it's deeper, more meaningful connections with guys who are already in your circle, or

00:09:34.520 maybe it's entirely new people.

00:09:36.740 Another thing is getting yourself out there.

00:09:39.220 I know that you're probably feeling down and depressed.

00:09:42.600 Your situation is drastically changed.

00:09:44.800 And so putting yourself out to meet new people, and I'm not even talking about women.

00:09:48.720 I'm just talking about meeting new people.

00:09:50.340 Maybe a buddy calls you up and says, Hey man, do you want to go to the sports event that,

00:09:54.740 that we have this weekend?

00:09:55.940 The answer is most definitely yes.

00:09:59.360 Hey, I'm going to go to dinner tonight.

00:10:01.000 Do you want to come with me?

00:10:01.880 You may not feel like it, but the answer is most definitely yes.

00:10:05.700 When you're at Walmart and you have the option to go through the self-checkout lane, or you

00:10:11.580 have the option to go to the one that has the teller, go to the one that has the teller because

00:10:16.440 you're going to help.

00:10:17.140 It's going to help you interact with other people.

00:10:19.640 There's things that are entirely within your control.

00:10:22.520 And when we focus more of our time and attention and energy on the things within our control,

00:10:27.420 then our life, I was going to say miraculously, but it isn't miraculous.

00:10:32.180 Our life just changes.

00:10:33.740 It gets better.

00:10:35.520 So the other thing, so that's one focus on you.

00:10:38.680 Now, what can you do with her?

00:10:40.420 Well, you have to build some sort of amicable relationship with her.

00:10:44.520 And I know that's a tough pill to swallow. 1.00

00:10:46.620 I know that she might be, to put it bluntly, a vindictive bitch. 1.00

00:10:52.380 I don't know if she is, but I know that you're probably feeling like that to some degree, 0.99

00:10:56.340 or you wouldn't be asking this question.

00:10:58.060 And you've got to let that go.

00:11:00.320 Do you have, even if you have to just stuff it down inside for now, because what's more

00:11:05.440 important is not how you feel about her behavior.

00:11:08.760 What's more important is that you build a working relationship with her so that you can be in

00:11:14.760 your kids' life.

00:11:16.320 That's the most important thing.

00:11:18.820 And that might mean letting go of the ego, letting go of the pride, faking a grin if you

00:11:25.380 have to, when you see her because you hate her.

00:11:27.640 I don't know, but do what you need to do.

00:11:30.780 This is strategy so that you can be in your children's lives.

00:11:35.600 Yeah, totally.

00:11:36.500 You know, the way we get past hardship is by making that situation become the best thing

00:11:46.280 that could have ever happened to you, right? 0.99

00:11:49.840 Chad, you want to level up in a way where you're like, man, that kicked me in the butt

00:11:54.320 in a way that I'm kind of, in a crazy sense, grateful for it because it catapulted me to

00:12:01.960 become the man I am.

00:12:03.020 And it can do that if you choose to allow this to be a learning experience and a catalyst

00:12:10.940 for you to become better.

00:12:12.400 So that's how we deal with even regret.

00:12:14.940 Even when we make mistakes, that's how you deal with the mistakes is you grow from them.

00:12:19.000 And then you're kind of like, well, okay, you know what?

00:12:21.180 I'm almost happy that that happened because I want to be who I am today.

00:12:24.380 And I'm happy with who I am today.

00:12:25.800 So in an odd sense, I'm grateful for it.

00:12:29.580 And another thought here, Chad.

00:12:31.520 Oh, good.

00:12:32.240 I was just going to say, you know, it's interesting about what you just said is it doesn't take

00:12:37.120 some sort of external factor to do that.

00:12:42.440 It doesn't take her changing her behavior for you to do that or for you to get a promotion

00:12:47.880 or for you to find another lovely woman.

00:12:50.620 Like it takes no, because look, some of that stuff will happen.

00:12:54.340 It might happen, but it's beyond your control.

00:12:56.340 You know what it takes?

00:12:57.160 It takes you deciding.

00:12:59.220 That's it.

00:13:00.080 It takes you making the decision that, hey, this is really bad.

00:13:04.240 This is really bad.

00:13:06.560 But it's going to be okay.

00:13:09.220 And I made a post on Instagram yesterday, in fact, and I said, you know, if you're going

00:13:14.920 through a difficult time right now, just extend your time horizon.

00:13:18.640 Because I think what happens is when we're feeling really crappy about our lives, and sometimes

00:13:23.060 we have a reason to feel crappy about them, it's because we're stuck in the moment.

00:13:29.980 Yeah.

00:13:30.340 And what I would suggest is that we look at the longer term play here.

00:13:33.300 What's the longer term play?

00:13:34.580 And if you extend your time horizon, then what ends up happening is you start doing things

00:13:38.720 that are going to serve your future self rather than wallowing in your current self-pity.

00:13:44.080 And it gives you hope.

00:13:46.080 Absolutely.

00:13:47.000 And I think in the post that I made yesterday, I said, what is it that your future self would

00:13:53.060 thank you for doing in this moment, despite your current circumstances?

00:13:58.960 That's what should be leading your decision-making process.

00:14:02.300 Totally.

00:14:02.740 Not how you feel today and right now.

00:14:05.440 Yeah.

00:14:06.000 And in the spirit of like focusing on what you can control and chat, I realized you may

00:14:11.940 be in the, in the midst.

00:14:14.200 So this may seem very difficult, but I just want to, if you don't mind, well, if you don't

00:14:18.820 mind, I'm giving you advice, whether you're asking for mine or not, you can tune out if

00:14:22.300 he doesn't want to hear it.

00:14:23.260 Yeah.

00:14:24.120 Here's, here's the black belt move to deal with this. 0.96

00:14:28.020 Understand her.

00:14:28.720 I know that seems super crazy, but you will not be able to let go of that betrayal and

00:14:37.360 hurt until you see her for who she is.

00:14:41.240 Not from a negative perspective, but see her as a human and understand her.

00:14:47.060 And through empathy, you actually are able to let go.

00:14:50.540 Now you don't have to be agree with her and you don't have to be okay.

00:14:53.500 What, but you need to understand her and almost get to a point where you're like, oh, my man,

00:14:58.120 I get her, not my, not my cup of tea.

00:15:01.820 You know, I don't have to agree with it, but I understand it and almost come to a level

00:15:05.860 of like empathy of like, cause you should feel kind of sad for, and by the way, that's

00:15:11.180 your children's mother.

00:15:12.660 So you should care to some extent.

00:15:15.540 If you care about your kids, you got to care about her well-being.

00:15:18.600 Yeah.

00:15:19.300 And the more you can go, you know what?

00:15:21.240 I get her and, and I almost feel sorry for her in the sense of like what she's done to

00:15:27.020 our marriage and broke up, you know, things, but I get it and I understand her.

00:15:31.680 And, and the more, the quicker you can get to that is the quicker you can actually let

00:15:36.400 go and not have her actions just tear you apart.

00:15:40.800 And trust me, I know what that feeling of tearing apart feels like.

00:15:45.880 So this is speaking from experience.

00:15:48.140 It wasn't until that, and I'm going to say maybe in a more extreme way, it wasn't until

00:15:54.420 I was able to love and accept my ex-wife for exactly who she was.

00:15:59.980 It wasn't until then that I was able truly to let go and not be affected in a negative

00:16:04.840 way by the, by our marriage failing.

00:16:10.380 Yeah.

00:16:10.940 You know, as you're saying that Kip, I hear a lot of these like modern red pill type guys 1.00

00:16:16.220 that are like, no, she's this.

00:16:18.980 And she's that it's her fault.

00:16:20.600 And women, this and women, that, and you know what you deciding to make those types 1.00

00:16:27.640 of decisions you're talking about Kip isn't for her anyways.

00:16:31.480 And that's where the confusion comes in.

00:16:33.200 If I treat her with respect, you're like, oh, well now you're bowing down. 0.99

00:16:36.600 You're being a cuck. 0.99

00:16:37.380 You're being a beta. 1.00

00:16:38.180 You're being a simp.

00:16:39.160 These are the words people use.

00:16:40.700 No, you're not.

00:16:41.940 You're doing it for you and your kids.

00:16:45.540 You're not doing it for her.

00:16:47.220 Maybe you still love her and there's some love in there.

00:16:50.020 And so I think it's good to treat her with some sort of respect, you know, but that's

00:16:53.440 not the ultimate objective.

00:16:54.880 The ultimate objective is that you're doing it for yourself to let go of the animosity

00:16:59.560 and contention and hostility.

00:17:01.080 And you're doing it for the relationship that you have with your children and people that

00:17:05.360 say, that's a simp move.

00:17:06.760 That's a beta move.

00:17:08.280 Those guys are angry.

00:17:10.700 They're bitter.

00:17:11.820 They're contentious. 0.98

00:17:13.060 They're miserable. 0.99

00:17:13.860 And they'll probably spend the rest of their lives alone. 0.99

00:17:16.000 And if that's what you want, sure, go that route.

00:17:18.680 But I don't think that's what you want.

00:17:20.720 And they're being controlled by the heart and they're hurt forever until they let go.

00:17:26.680 Solid point.

00:17:27.880 Yeah, that's a weakness move, not a strength move.

00:17:30.720 Totally.

00:17:31.040 It's a good point.

00:17:31.820 Totally.

00:17:32.640 All right, man.

00:17:33.400 What's next?

00:17:34.080 Josh Newton, how to talk to your kids about suicide.

00:17:38.620 Teacher at my daughter's school took his own life in the car in the parking lot during

00:17:42.920 school hours and this middle-aged school, middle school-aged kids.

00:17:47.920 Man, in his parking lot.

00:17:50.540 What a selfish thing.

00:17:53.600 You know, I don't want to assume that I know what that, I mean, obviously that person's

00:17:58.720 going through a difficult time.

00:17:59.860 But in the parking lot of the school, now he's affecting kids.

00:18:03.040 He or she is affecting children.

00:18:04.480 Oh, my goodness.

00:18:05.280 Yeah.

00:18:06.160 That's bad.

00:18:08.440 Well, here's what I would say.

00:18:11.800 You're at the stage right now, but I want to ask you another question.

00:18:14.880 This goes for other guys who are going to have to have difficult conversations with their

00:18:18.160 kids.

00:18:18.380 And you will, trust me.

00:18:19.600 You haven't already.

00:18:20.140 I think all of the other conversations that you've had about some of the weirdest, most

00:18:29.480 random things that are seemingly insignificant are really going to determine how this conversation

00:18:35.220 goes.

00:18:37.000 So what other conversations are you having with your children about their interests, about

00:18:41.720 hunting or cars or dance or this particular TV show they like, or the gossip, you know,

00:18:47.960 my daughter shares between her and her girlfriends, how am I responding to those conversations?

00:18:54.440 Am I engaged?

00:18:55.980 Am I focused?

00:18:56.980 Am I present?

00:18:58.140 Am I listening?

00:18:59.100 Am I asking questions?

00:19:00.560 Or am I condemning or shutting it down, judging the way that I handle those types of conversations

00:19:08.780 make these types of conversations all the more powerful.

00:19:13.540 And then you won't have to ask questions like, how do I talk with my kids about this?

00:19:18.420 Because you already know.

00:19:20.100 So you're saying we have to listen to them all the time.

00:19:23.020 All the time.

00:19:23.900 About stuff that you just don't want to listen to.

00:19:26.880 Screw that.

00:19:27.920 You know what, Josh?

00:19:29.000 I'll get you another podcast to listen to.

00:19:30.900 We'll get your questions somewhere else.

00:19:33.820 Yeah, man.

00:19:34.560 It's hard.

00:19:35.280 Like you're a full-time dad though, right?

00:19:36.920 Not just a dad when you have to have a difficult conversation.

00:19:39.980 So that's one angle I really want to make sure I address is that conversation that your

00:19:46.860 daughter has about how this one girl at school is mean has been prepared for the last six 1.00

00:19:52.100 months.

00:19:52.660 Yeah.

00:19:53.000 You better listen to that conversation. 0.99

00:19:55.320 I know it sounds dumb. 0.99

00:19:56.920 I know you have a thousand other things to do. 0.94

00:19:58.800 I know it's insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but it's not actually.

00:20:04.740 You better listen to it and you better pass that test because this test will be easier

00:20:10.400 if you do.

00:20:11.880 So now, okay, that's out of the way.

00:20:14.620 Now, how do you address this?

00:20:16.380 You ask questions.

00:20:19.520 That's it.

00:20:21.240 Hey, Tim, look, obviously, you know what happened at school with Mr. Johnson.

00:20:26.240 And I want to ask you how you feel about that.

00:20:33.920 And he's probably going to say, he or she is probably going to say, uh, I don't know.

00:20:37.920 I'm okay.

00:20:40.460 And that's not good enough.

00:20:42.000 You really need to get down to it.

00:20:44.380 And so you might say, oh, okay, you're okay.

00:20:46.400 Yeah.

00:20:47.380 Don't leave it there.

00:20:50.220 Say, okay, well, what are the other kids saying about it?

00:20:53.700 Oh, well, the other kids are saying this and this and this.

00:20:58.040 Yeah.

00:20:58.220 What do you think?

00:20:59.540 Like, like I have a conversation and you don't need to, I don't really don't think you need

00:21:04.160 to explain everything he knows or he or she knows what happened.

00:21:08.560 They know what suicide is.

00:21:10.400 They like, they know it's not right.

00:21:12.180 They know it's wrong.

00:21:12.980 They know all of that.

00:21:14.200 So there's no lecture that you need to give them right now.

00:21:17.260 You need to be able to ask questions and try to figure out how they feel about things.

00:21:22.360 And you need to be a good question asker.

00:21:24.860 So when they shut you down and they will probably initially like, oh, I'm good.

00:21:28.300 Dad.

00:21:28.480 Thanks.

00:21:29.860 Go deeper, play it out in your mind.

00:21:32.780 What kind of questions are you going to ask?

00:21:34.420 Try not to ask yes or no questions.

00:21:37.580 So one you can always tell is what and how questions are good, open-ended questions.

00:21:47.220 Like, what are you going to do today?

00:21:48.920 How are you going to respond to that?

00:21:50.400 Why do you feel the way that you feel?

00:21:52.800 Ask those types of questions because it's going to elicit a greater response.

00:21:56.140 And when they shut you off, be prepared for that and try to flank them.

00:21:59.720 Try to come up with, like I said, if they say, oh, I'm good.

00:22:02.040 Say, yeah, you're good.

00:22:02.840 Okay, good.

00:22:03.300 I just wanted to make sure.

00:22:04.680 Are the, how are the other kids doing?

00:22:06.320 Oh, well, Jim's having a really hard time.

00:22:08.800 Like he cried in class the other day and the teacher couldn't calm him down.

00:22:13.380 Oh, really?

00:22:13.860 Why?

00:22:14.740 This is a flank move.

00:22:16.120 Why do you think he's, why do you think he's crying?

00:22:18.320 Would, do you understand what, why he's bothered by it?

00:22:21.680 Do you agree with it?

00:22:23.020 How do you feel about how he feels?

00:22:25.280 Yeah.

00:22:25.960 Yeah.

00:22:26.440 And by the way, this just doesn't apply to just children.

00:22:28.940 This applies to your wife. 0.95

00:22:30.560 This applies to your, your colleagues and your coworkers and your employees.

00:22:34.020 This applies to people in your church congregation who you want to serve.

00:22:38.500 We got to stop preaching and we really have to start.

00:22:42.940 And look, I'm, I'm more guilt.

00:22:44.660 I've made a business in a career.

00:22:46.720 I'm preaching.

00:22:47.980 Okay.

00:22:48.340 So it's a little different for me because people have voluntarily come here to be preached

00:22:52.660 to, but in a one-on-one setting, I don't preach to my friends.

00:22:57.660 Like, I don't, I don't go to my friends and I'm like, Hey, what questions do you have that

00:23:01.380 I can answer for you today?

00:23:02.220 Guys?

00:23:02.580 Like here we are at the fights tonight.

00:23:04.280 I'm willing to answer any questions that you have.

00:23:06.600 Yeah.

00:23:07.240 Pause the fights.

00:23:08.260 Halftime.

00:23:08.880 Ryan's going to answer questions.

00:23:10.220 I'm going to do the AMA.

00:23:10.760 Hey, throw me that mic. 0.98

00:23:11.940 I'm going to get up and let me, let me spit some fire.

00:23:16.300 Yeah.

00:23:16.440 Yeah.

00:23:16.800 No, I ask questions.

00:23:18.300 Hey man, what's going on?

00:23:19.160 How's things?

00:23:20.080 How's, how's the family?

00:23:21.100 How's your wife?

00:23:21.560 How's your kids?

00:23:22.260 Oh man.

00:23:22.920 Yeah.

00:23:23.980 Your wife struggling with that.

00:23:25.020 Oh, that's, that's hard.

00:23:26.240 My wife did too.

00:23:26.940 What are you doing about it?

00:23:28.000 Like the, this is how you'd be a good friend.

00:23:30.320 This is how you'd be influential.

00:23:31.480 So ask those questions and just don't preach.

00:23:34.100 They already know what's going on.

00:23:36.560 They know.

00:23:37.040 Trust me.

00:23:38.700 Just open your questions to them and let them talk.

00:23:43.740 Well, and the reason why, I mean, think through it, right?

00:23:45.580 Why do we do this?

00:23:47.800 Well, because we're, we're guiding thought process.

00:23:50.580 There's a big difference.

00:23:52.980 When I come to a conclusion on my own that I've worked it through my mind, that I've,

00:23:58.920 I feel a certain way and I'm processing my emotions and my logic.

00:24:03.800 That's so impactful.

00:24:06.180 What's not that impactful is you spitting fire.

00:24:09.840 I, it might like motivate me, inspiring my mic.

00:24:12.940 Yeah.

00:24:13.040 I'll pumped up retention.

00:24:15.980 It's lost.

00:24:17.020 Yeah.

00:24:17.820 You know, a couple hours later, I'm like, yeah, Ryan, Ryan said some awesome stuff.

00:24:21.400 What was it?

00:24:22.160 Uh, I don't know, but it was good.

00:24:26.080 But when it's, but when we create it, man, so much different, so much different.

00:24:33.120 Yeah.

00:24:34.060 And especially with kids, they're so, they're so used to being preached to by you, by their

00:24:38.000 teachers, by parents, by coaches, just ask them questions.

00:24:42.300 And you know, the other beautiful thing about asking people questions, not just your children

00:24:46.380 is it takes the burden off of you.

00:24:49.360 Like, I don't have to be here to rescue anybody.

00:24:51.420 I don't have to be here to impart my wisdom.

00:24:53.520 I don't have to be always turned on.

00:24:55.100 I could just be curious about people coming from a place of, of care and love for those

00:25:00.160 people and just ask good questions and then be curious about the answers.

00:25:05.480 That's it.

00:25:06.160 That's awesome.

00:25:07.640 Peter Zeffo.

00:25:08.700 My son is getting married in July.

00:25:10.660 Any recommendations for a father-son experience before he begins his own family?

00:25:16.620 Kind of fun.

00:25:17.700 Yeah, that's cool.

00:25:18.660 Well, awesome that, that he's getting married.

00:25:21.240 Uh, father-son experiences.

00:25:23.600 I guess I'd turn that back on you guys and say, what do you guys bond over?

00:25:26.780 You know, for me and my, my oldest and, and actually my second now we, we bond over hunting.

00:25:31.880 So we would, we would plan an epic hump to hunting trip.

00:25:36.140 Um, maybe it's, maybe it's photography.

00:25:38.500 Uh, maybe it's travel, maybe it's working on a vehicle together.

00:25:43.360 Maybe it's going to a football game.

00:25:46.180 Maybe like, I don't, I don't know what you guys bond over.

00:25:48.640 I don't know what your family dynamic is like, but whatever you bond over, take it to the nth

00:25:53.480 degree.

00:25:53.780 So if it's you guys just, you love the Broncos, like you guys just love the Broncos.

00:26:00.600 Like that's been a thing.

00:26:02.540 Then you go get box tickets to the Broncos game and you figure out how to meet some players.

00:26:09.700 And like, you just take it to the nth degree.

00:26:12.600 If it's hiking, then find the highest peak in your area.

00:26:17.660 And it's going to take you a month or two to, to get ready and pack up and, and get it

00:26:22.560 all dialed in.

00:26:24.100 And, you know, you plan it out together and you make it a week long trip, whatever you

00:26:29.560 bond over, just take it to the nth degree.

00:26:31.520 If it's hunting, I don't know, like me and my two oldest boys are going to Africa.

00:26:35.860 Like some of this stuff I know might be a little prohibitive based on time and geography

00:26:39.800 and, and cost, but just take it to the maximum degree that you can.

00:26:45.340 And I, I think that's probably a pretty good guidepost for you.

00:26:49.720 Yeah, I agree.

00:26:50.720 In fact, I I'm all excited.

00:26:52.440 Invite us, Peter.

00:26:53.100 We'll come with you guys.

00:26:54.040 For sure.

00:26:54.660 For sure.

00:26:55.860 All right.

00:26:56.540 Jake Dylan, how do you keep motivated when it feels like everything around you has fallen

00:27:00.940 apart?

00:27:01.740 I've been working on myself for the last few months or so, and I have come a long way,

00:27:06.240 but things took a hard left and it's hard to keep going.

00:27:10.680 I don't know about anybody else, but I'm most motivated when things are falling apart.

00:27:16.060 Yeah.

00:27:17.780 That's when I'm most motivated because I found myself, if things are going well, I tend to

00:27:22.540 slip into complacency.

00:27:25.300 So I'm not sure I really resonate with this question, but here's what I would do.

00:27:29.200 Here's what I will tell you.

00:27:30.940 Is that when things are falling apart, I can get overwhelmed.

00:27:35.900 And when I get overwhelmed, that's when I slip into a little bit of complacency or withdrawal

00:27:41.460 from the problem.

00:27:43.380 Yeah.

00:27:43.860 So I don't know if this answers your question, but for me, what I have to do is I have to

00:27:50.460 break it down.

00:27:51.640 Okay.

00:27:51.820 Here's this grand problem I'm dealing with and it's so large.

00:27:56.020 It's so consuming.

00:27:57.220 I just don't even know how to tackle this thing.

00:28:00.820 And so I have to break it down into the micro.

00:28:04.120 Okay.

00:28:04.440 Well, I need to do this and I need to do that and I need to do this and I need to do that.

00:28:07.680 And so I start writing all the things that need to be done to get me back on the path

00:28:11.360 or get me through this obstacle that I'm dealing with.

00:28:13.560 And then I, once I have that list, I start with the easiest thing, start with the easiest

00:28:21.280 thing, because not only are you going to move the needle the quickest, which needs to happen

00:28:26.420 and needs to happen quickly, but also you're going to build up some motivation and momentum.

00:28:31.140 Oh man.

00:28:32.460 Yeah, I did that.

00:28:34.160 Okay.

00:28:34.360 I feel all right.

00:28:34.920 That felt pretty good.

00:28:35.700 I got to win.

00:28:36.520 Move the needle. 0.70

00:28:37.660 What's next on that list?

00:28:38.860 And go to that next point and the next point and the next point and the next point.

00:28:41.980 Too often, I think we look at this grand problem that we're dealing with and it deflates

00:28:45.900 us because we don't think we have what it takes to overcome what we're dealing with.

00:28:49.220 Trust me, you have what it takes.

00:28:50.500 Think about everything else in life that you've overcome up to this point.

00:28:54.580 You've overcome some tremendous adversity, some tremendous odds, and you're on the other

00:28:58.940 side of it.

00:28:59.520 So you can certainly do it again.

00:29:01.340 So let's do it as efficiently and effectively as possible.

00:29:04.360 Break it down into manageable tasks, assignments, objectives, start working towards those things.

00:29:11.620 And the other thing I would say is extend your time horizon, like we talked about earlier,

00:29:17.500 so that you can have some hope.

00:29:19.300 Because right now, the walls are closing in around you.

00:29:23.460 Everything's looking a little bit dark.

00:29:25.320 You're dealing with unfortunate and difficult circumstances.

00:29:29.520 And you don't see a way out.

00:29:31.100 And you need to manufacture that way out.

00:29:33.840 So you need to look down the road.

00:29:36.500 Like what does the 50-year-old guy of you look like?

00:29:40.820 What does this look like in five years?

00:29:43.520 And you'll see like, oh, I could actually be in a completely different, I could be better.

00:29:47.780 I could be in a different position.

00:29:49.580 Life can be better.

00:29:50.560 And that's going to give you a little glimmer of hope, which might help you get started on

00:29:54.680 that first task that you identified.

00:29:57.400 Totally.

00:29:58.020 Totally agree with all of that, man.

00:29:59.480 I was trying to feel like looking at my past and where I've struggled the most, it's always

00:30:07.140 in the same.

00:30:07.840 I do the same thing.

00:30:08.800 It feels so overwhelming.

00:30:10.500 I don't know where to start.

00:30:11.620 So then I kind of withdraw and then it gets worse versus detaching, you know what I mean?

00:30:17.680 Prioritizing things and then executing.

00:30:19.640 But there's an element where sometimes when things stick a hard left, as Jake said, that

00:30:26.580 we kind of withdraw from people as well.

00:30:29.860 And so don't do that.

00:30:32.380 So if things are tough, like reach out to a friend.

00:30:36.900 Go hang out with your buddies.

00:30:38.900 Instead of going to the gym by yourself, go to the gym with someone.

00:30:42.880 Don't do the default kind of guy thing and withdraw and go lone wolf and get narrow focused.

00:30:49.740 Like keep your social circles going.

00:30:53.020 Be around uplifting individuals that are getting after it.

00:30:55.900 That's also going to help above and beyond, of course, what Ryan already said.

00:31:01.040 Yeah.

00:31:01.220 And I think you're dead on with that.

00:31:03.500 And again, I go back to this concept of the nth degree.

00:31:06.100 So when you go to the gym, maybe it is just you going to the gym and that's fine, you

00:31:10.980 know, but don't wear your earbuds.

00:31:14.700 Like don't put your headphones on.

00:31:16.820 Don't do that.

00:31:18.200 Like I go to the gym and I see so many people, their headphones on and I get it.

00:31:21.320 But I'm like, man, there's awesome people in this gym.

00:31:24.460 At any given time, there's dozens and dozens of people here who are fit, who are strong.

00:31:32.060 And if they aren't, they're motivated to be there and they're here, they're disciplined.

00:31:37.500 You know, some people are there in the middle of the day.

00:31:38.940 I'm like, what's this person do?

00:31:40.080 If they're here in the middle of the day, like what are they doing for work?

00:31:42.940 They're in, they're in an interesting situation.

00:31:44.620 And there are so many people everywhere you go, but you've got to think about it.

00:31:49.060 You're shutting yourself off at so many turns because you're putting your headphones in,

00:31:52.160 your earbuds in and not engaging to the degree that you can.

00:31:55.480 So don't, don't do that either.

00:31:58.120 Yeah.

00:31:58.780 That's interesting.

00:32:00.160 All right.

00:32:00.680 Alan, Michael Adkins, how do you handle being, uh, being burned by your church?

00:32:04.860 I'm trying to think about, I look, knee jerk reaction says, we'll just find a different

00:32:10.460 church.

00:32:10.880 They're a dime a dozen.

00:32:12.480 Yeah.

00:32:13.520 But in the meantime, I would ask why, why you got burned?

00:32:17.120 Well, how, how did you allow yourself to get burned?

00:32:20.700 That's the question.

00:32:21.600 I think not, not all this guy or this pastor, this person or this, but no, but why did you

00:32:25.600 like, what, what allowed you to get burned?

00:32:28.020 What did you do?

00:32:29.060 Like, what were your behaviors?

00:32:30.560 What were your, were you, were you naive?

00:32:32.740 Were you gullible?

00:32:33.380 Did you have a, um, unfair expectation of other people?

00:32:37.880 What is it that you did that caused you to get burned and then address that issue?

00:32:42.160 Or did you, or did you get burned?

00:32:44.800 Well, yeah.

00:32:45.760 Yeah.

00:32:46.180 Like, did you really, or that's your perception and someone said something they didn't mean,

00:32:53.000 or it came across a certain way, like, and they get clear there too, right?

00:32:56.520 Like how many times we've been burned by someone and the other person has no idea that they

00:33:01.840 were doing any form of burning.

00:33:04.280 We had a guy in the iron council and I'll spare some details, but if I remember correct, this

00:33:09.220 was a little bit ago.

00:33:10.060 He said that his buddy didn't show up to his father's funeral.

00:33:15.240 I think is what it was.

00:33:18.620 And he was very hurt by that because they were close friends and, and, you know, I don't

00:33:23.040 know all the details, but he was very hurt that his friend didn't show up to his father's

00:33:26.540 funeral.

00:33:27.260 So hurt that he just shut off the relationship.

00:33:30.160 And he was on a call and he was talking about, about how hurt he was.

00:33:33.200 And I said, man, probably need to tell the guy how you feel.

00:33:37.560 Like, have you told him?

00:33:38.520 He's like, no.

00:33:39.460 I said, it sounds like he's a pretty good friend.

00:33:40.900 He's like, well, he was.

00:33:42.280 I said, and you shut off the relationship because he reached out.

00:33:44.280 He's like, yeah, he doesn't know what's going on.

00:33:46.240 Like, why in the world would you leave somebody in the dark like that?

00:33:49.120 Like, I'm not telling you, I'm not telling you not to feel hurt.

00:33:52.100 I don't know.

00:33:52.980 Maybe you should feel hurt.

00:33:54.080 You can feel however you want to feel, but isn't the manly thing to do to address these

00:33:58.900 circumstances and these situations.

00:34:00.680 And look, you may decide I'm not going to be friends with him, but I think you owe him the

00:34:04.140 decency of saying, Hey, here's what's going on.

00:34:06.140 Here's why I ghosted you.

00:34:07.780 And it's still bothering you.

00:34:09.800 True.

00:34:10.720 True.

00:34:10.960 And so when we leave a, yeah, when we leave a relationship incomplete, we're incomplete

00:34:18.000 with it.

00:34:19.640 The other person could not even know.

00:34:21.780 And they're like, ah, whatever.

00:34:22.780 And they've moved on.

00:34:23.800 But meanwhile, it's like, well, you know, he never showed up.

00:34:26.720 Like you're still dealing with it.

00:34:28.320 Yeah.

00:34:28.940 Yeah.

00:34:29.160 That's a good.

00:34:29.520 In that example.

00:34:30.120 Anyway.

00:34:30.700 Yeah.

00:34:31.200 Complete things.

00:34:33.080 Yeah.

00:34:33.460 So I think if you've got a, I don't know your situation, obviously.

00:34:36.240 So we're just guessing, but if you've got a problem with the pastor, I think you need

00:34:40.100 to go talk to the pastor.

00:34:41.660 Totally.

00:34:42.460 If you've got a problem with, look, if it's somebody as a member of the congregation and

00:34:47.400 that's what's causing you to be upset with your church, it might be extreme, but look,

00:34:53.160 there's situations where maybe your pastor said something or did something, or you'd

00:34:56.500 learn something about your pastor that doesn't sit well with you.

00:34:58.880 And, you know, remember that person's a human being just like you.

00:35:03.260 And, and I think just go talk to him.

00:35:07.700 If you're my pastor, I'm going to come to you and I'm going to say, Hey, you know, I've

00:35:11.980 been really upset.

00:35:12.660 I've been having a hard time with the church and you, I learned something about you and

00:35:17.460 rather than be upset, I figured I would come talk to you about it.

00:35:20.860 Or, you know, you, you, you said this thing and it really sat wrong with me.

00:35:24.360 And here's why, like, give the man a chance to explain himself and if, if you explain

00:35:31.160 it and I'm like, I'm not satisfied with that.

00:35:32.740 Okay.

00:35:32.940 Well then maybe I got to go find a new church and that's fine.

00:35:35.000 But at least I said my piece, or maybe you say something like, Oh man, you know, I hadn't

00:35:41.680 considered how that would come across.

00:35:44.120 I need to, I need to revisit that or I need to bring that up this Sunday and, and explain

00:35:48.100 that to the congregation.

00:35:48.800 If you're feeling like that other people might be, and then he corrects it because you're 0.98

00:35:54.180 had the balls to go up and say it. 0.94

00:35:56.780 Yeah. 0.97

00:35:56.880 And probably course corrected it in a way that affected other people in a more positive

00:36:00.680 light because we chose to say something.

00:36:03.020 Yeah.

00:36:03.940 Now look, if somebody, if, if it has to do with integrity issues, you know, maybe, maybe,

00:36:09.400 maybe the church is ciphering off, ciphering off funds.

00:36:11.840 I like, I don't know.

00:36:12.660 We don't know enough about this situation, but if that's happening, well, number one, it's

00:36:17.680 illegal.

00:36:18.980 So you need to go talk with a person and actually really try to get to the root of the issue

00:36:23.880 because there might need to be some police reporting in some of this.

00:36:27.220 Like there, there, there are some issues where you need to take it the next step, but, but

00:36:32.060 on the spiritual side, here's what I would say, depending on what it is, try not to allow

00:36:37.800 it to impact your faith.

00:36:40.420 Yeah.

00:36:41.180 Look to the Bible, I'm assuming you're Christian, but look to the Bible and ask yourself, is 0.53

00:36:47.360 the Bible true? 0.90

00:36:49.060 Is this really the word of God?

00:36:50.900 And if it is, then you can't let a human being, a flawed human being mess that up for you because

00:36:59.940 that does happen and that will happen.

00:37:02.340 And that's bound to happen.

00:37:03.400 It's inevitable that somebody you look up to in a spiritual context will fail you.

00:37:09.680 They will fall short of the expectation you have of them and they'll fall short of the

00:37:17.060 ideal of Christianity.

00:37:18.540 A hundred percent.

00:37:19.460 They will.

00:37:20.380 One hundred percent without fail.

00:37:22.520 They will.

00:37:24.100 So don't allow that to muddy your faith or spoil your testimony because we're all flawed and

00:37:32.980 we all mess up and you might need to just be in a new environment, but don't allow it to

00:37:38.400 shake your faith.

00:37:40.240 Totally.

00:37:40.580 I love that conversation.

00:37:41.860 When I used to teach young men's and young women's, that was always like a foundational

00:37:46.580 lesson I latched onto.

00:37:48.640 There's a big difference between the gospel church as an organization and then socially

00:37:54.960 church.

00:37:57.140 Right.

00:37:57.640 And, and they're not the same thing, you know, and I used to always use the analogy, you know,

00:38:01.400 you can imagine going, Hey, young men, is it okay that we wear dresses to church?

00:38:05.980 Right.

00:38:06.400 And they're like, no.

00:38:07.400 Okay.

00:38:07.760 Where's that?

00:38:08.380 Show me that in the, in the Bible where that's gospel.

00:38:13.080 Nowhere.

00:38:13.580 Okay.

00:38:13.780 So is that a church org thing or is that a social thing?

00:38:16.540 They're like, no, it's a church thing.

00:38:17.680 You're like, well, not in Tonga.

00:38:20.280 Hmm.

00:38:20.860 Good point.

00:38:21.540 Oh, okay.

00:38:22.080 Now it's a social thing.

00:38:23.140 Right.

00:38:23.400 And it's like, Hey, you need to understand the differences of things, have some critical

00:38:26.480 thinking, realize those aren't the same thing to your point.

00:38:29.700 Make sure your testimony is not founded in people and in organizational religion.

00:38:33.760 Right.

00:38:34.220 But in something greater, well, I hear people that will say like, well, my, my pasture wasn't

00:38:38.960 living what he taught. 1.00

00:38:39.980 So he's a hypocrite. 1.00

00:38:41.200 He might be actually probably is. 1.00

00:38:43.140 So am I.

00:38:43.780 So are you.

00:38:46.160 So let me ask you this.

00:38:47.940 If someone doesn't live the ideal that they preach or the ideal expectation you have in

00:38:54.000 your mind, does that spoil the message or does that mean they just failed to live up

00:39:01.960 to it because they're a human being?

00:39:04.680 It doesn't taint the message.

00:39:06.280 If the message is pure, somebody not living up to it or being hypocritical about it doesn't

00:39:12.560 taint the message.

00:39:13.400 It just taints the messenger.

00:39:14.620 And guess what?

00:39:15.300 But we're all tainted.

00:39:16.460 Yeah.

00:39:16.800 Yeah.

00:39:17.100 And they are messengers, not the, they're messengers.

00:39:20.860 They're not the creator of the message.

00:39:22.680 Right.

00:39:23.460 Exactly.

00:39:24.080 I think it was Peter.

00:39:25.580 I think it was Peter who talked about, even though he knew how he was supposed to live

00:39:31.200 his life and he knew all the things that he was supposed to do, he fell short.

00:39:36.120 He knew, we all know, we all know what we should be doing.

00:39:39.540 But you, you, you've made just like I have, I'm not pointing fingers.

00:39:43.520 We have probably made it's, it's 10 o'clock AM where I'm at right now.

00:39:47.600 I've probably made a dozen mistakes that go against what I believe already this morning.

00:39:55.420 Totally.

00:39:56.400 And so we just got to recognize it and then move on.

00:39:58.580 That's it.

00:40:00.000 Yep.

00:40:00.280 Stay on the path of trying to become better.

00:40:02.220 Yep.

00:40:03.800 Jacob Huckabay.

00:40:05.600 He has a similar question actually, but mostly around how do we keep the faith when everything

00:40:11.340 seems to be stacked against us?

00:40:13.680 How do we keep faith and stay the horse that God intends?

00:40:17.140 I read this question.

00:40:20.300 Yeah.

00:40:20.780 A lot of religious spiritual questions.

00:40:24.420 If you believe in God, then, you know, what was the, what did he say?

00:40:29.900 How do you keep the faith?

00:40:30.960 When, how do you keep the faith and stay the course God intends for us when the deck is stacked

00:40:36.760 so high against us?

00:40:38.700 If you believe in God and you, you believe in this divine power, then, you know,

00:40:46.260 that the deck is not stacked against you.

00:40:50.000 Yeah.

00:40:50.560 And that there's a bigger game at play than what you're experiencing today.

00:40:54.920 You know, it's not, it's not stacked against you.

00:40:58.160 If anything, it's stacked in your favor.

00:41:00.500 Now I'm not saying there's not forces at work against you.

00:41:02.740 There are.

00:41:03.740 If you're a Christian and you believe in God, you know that the deck is not stacked against you.

00:41:12.340 It's stacked in your favor.

00:41:13.840 You're just interpreting challenges and struggles and difficulties as some great force out to get

00:41:23.360 you.

00:41:24.120 And that's not what it is.

00:41:25.880 In fact, what you're dealing with right now might be something that you is the exact thing

00:41:32.720 that you need that will help you fortify your deficiencies and improve and get better. 0.99

00:41:43.080 Look, it sucks. 0.86

00:41:45.060 I'm not saying it's going to be fun. 0.98

00:41:46.840 It's not fun.

00:41:47.780 It's horrible.

00:41:48.560 It's miserable.

00:41:49.440 It's misery.

00:41:50.120 But if you believe the deck is stacked against you, then just give up now.

00:41:55.880 Because if God, this all powerful, omnipresent force is against you, you're done.

00:42:05.940 Or he's not against you.

00:42:08.220 He's for you.

00:42:09.100 And therefore, what you're worrying about doesn't, isn't really designed to hurt you.

00:42:17.700 So reframe it.

00:42:19.520 How do you keep going?

00:42:20.840 Like I, like we talked about in that previous message about breaking it down into bite-sized

00:42:26.800 pieces, manageable pieces.

00:42:28.080 It feels overwhelming.

00:42:29.260 It feels daunting.

00:42:30.240 It feels like everything's stacked against you.

00:42:32.020 It's not.

00:42:32.600 It's all supposed to work in your favor, but break it down into bite-sized, actionable

00:42:37.040 steps and start working through those things.

00:42:40.500 And over the next week, the next month, the next year, the next decade, you're going to

00:42:44.840 see, oh man, that was horrible.

00:42:48.760 But I'm a better person because of it.

00:42:52.260 Tony Simon, tips on how to find your way and add clearness to your vision.

00:42:58.380 So we have an exercise inside the Iron Council, the battle plan.

00:43:01.840 And a lot of you guys listening, you've heard about it.

00:43:04.160 And the first step of the battle plan is to cast your vision.

00:43:08.520 And I see some really poorly articulated visions from guys.

00:43:17.580 And that's okay because it's better than what it was when they didn't have a vision at all.

00:43:24.860 And what ends up happening when you have a vision for the first time, what ends up happening

00:43:29.160 is that as you start to act on the vision that you have of yourself, things begin to materialize

00:43:35.720 and things begin to crystallize.

00:43:38.160 And you realize, oh man, okay.

00:43:40.640 You know, I had this vision of how I wanted to show up as a father.

00:43:43.480 I have this vision of how I want to show up as a man in general.

00:43:45.860 And so like, you might say, I want to be a better man.

00:43:47.740 That's my vision.

00:43:49.680 Not awesome, not ideal, but okay.

00:43:51.640 That's a start.

00:43:52.340 What does that look like to you?

00:43:55.140 Oh, well, if I want to be a better man, then I got to work on communication with my wife.

00:43:59.200 Good.

00:44:00.140 Great.

00:44:01.420 If you're communicating effectively with your wife, walk me through a scenario where you guys

00:44:07.340 have a disagreement and how you would handle yourself.

00:44:10.720 Well, if, and ideally the way I would handle it, if we had a disagreement is I would be calm

00:44:15.680 and I would be cool and I would be collected.

00:44:17.700 I might take a step back and come back in with a more logical approach.

00:44:21.700 I might explain to her that I love her and I'm trying to do what's in the best interest

00:44:24.940 of the family, but maybe I don't see all the perspectives.

00:44:27.100 What's her perspective.

00:44:28.400 This is what you would do.

00:44:29.720 And now it's a better vision of how you would show up than just be a better husband.

00:44:35.100 Yeah.

00:44:35.560 But you do that by starting somewhere and then analyzing it.

00:44:40.180 And that's what's so great about our battle planning process.

00:44:43.160 Starts with a vision, work backwards into objectives, work backwards.

00:44:47.600 And then at the end of that, then we look and we see, did this achieve the result, the

00:44:53.240 vision that I had for myself.

00:44:55.020 And it's this cycle, this perpetual cycle that we go through over and over and over and

00:44:59.240 over and over and over again, every single quarter.

00:45:02.100 And that after action review leads us to crystallizing our vision.

00:45:05.820 So if it's on in the health realm and you decide, Hey, you know, uh, my vision for myself as a

00:45:12.960 man is I'm going to be 15 sub 15% body fat, and I'm going to be able to run a sub seven

00:45:17.960 minute mile.

00:45:18.640 And I'm going to be able to pull two times my weight on deadlift.

00:45:21.500 And I'm going to do the Spartan race.

00:45:24.200 Then you're going to do the tactics and the objectives.

00:45:26.000 And then you're coming up, come back and see, did the things I did achieve that result?

00:45:30.560 And if they did, is that still of interest to me?

00:45:35.520 Is that still, still part of my identity?

00:45:37.880 Is it still part of who I want to be?

00:45:39.600 If it is go deeper, if it isn't pivot.

00:45:43.820 Yeah.

00:45:44.580 You think that helps?

00:45:46.320 Totally.

00:45:46.920 Totally.

00:45:47.240 I mean, I think far too often we see visions it's, it's, um, uh, you know, I want to have

00:45:53.060 a bigger house, uh, you know, I want to make some money, you know what I mean?

00:45:57.860 They're like almost like long-term strategies.

00:45:59.920 And you alluded to it, Ryan, I think for me, the more that vision's around who you are being

00:46:06.680 or how you show up, the better, because now it's a, it's a compass for you.

00:46:12.320 It's like, okay, wait, hold on a second.

00:46:14.180 The man I'm trying to become is calm and confident, but humble and is teachable and loving and

00:46:21.260 caring check.

00:46:23.560 Now I know how I should show up in this circumstance.

00:46:25.960 And it kind of transcends multiple scenarios way better than be a good husband for instance,

00:46:31.520 or have a nice car or a bigger home.

00:46:34.540 Yeah.

00:46:35.180 Well, and the thing that we need to realize is that our objectives are not our vision.

00:46:39.580 So if you say, well, I want to have a 3000 square foot home in this place.

00:46:43.680 And it looks like this, nothing wrong with that.

00:46:46.540 It's just not vision.

00:46:47.300 That's an objective.

00:46:48.180 That's something that you want.

00:46:49.280 A vision is who's the kind of man who could have that kind of house, right?

00:46:57.360 Or, or, or have this kind of lifestyle, right?

00:47:00.880 Oh, I want to be able to take vacations with my family.

00:47:04.040 That's not a vision.

00:47:05.240 That's an objective.

00:47:05.940 I want to go to Italy with my family because we're going to have a lot of good time and

00:47:10.720 fun.

00:47:11.040 It's an objective, but the vision is, Hey, I'm the kind of man who shows up in a powerful

00:47:16.140 way.

00:47:16.480 I add value to people's lives.

00:47:18.440 They pay me handsomely for it.

00:47:20.240 And then I use that money and I invest that in my family in different ways.

00:47:25.580 That's a vision.

00:47:26.740 So to your point, you said, who do I want to be?

00:47:29.720 That's the vision.

00:47:31.260 How it shows up might be more along the lines of that objective.

00:47:36.380 Objectives.

00:47:36.580 The problem with having your vision tied into your objectives is that external circumstances

00:47:42.400 a lot of times dictate things beyond your control.

00:47:45.780 So if, if, you know, the economy tanks, that's probably going to change some of your, your

00:47:51.760 objectives, but it shouldn't change your vision.

00:47:55.120 No, your vision will still, you still want to show up in a certain way, regardless of

00:48:02.040 those external circumstances.

00:48:03.180 And this is powerful because, and look, I'm, I'm going through it and I, and I have gone

00:48:07.280 through it and I will continue to go through it in my life.

00:48:09.080 If we tie up our identity, the kind of men that we want to be in external circumstances,

00:48:14.860 those things go away.

00:48:17.060 They get taken from us.

00:48:18.720 They deteriorate.

00:48:19.120 We do things that sabotage those things.

00:48:22.280 Like there's things that happen and they go away.

00:48:24.120 And if our identity is wrapped up in those externalities, when those externalities go

00:48:29.080 away, we're left as the shell of the men that we thought we were.

00:48:33.360 But if your vision of who you are and the kind of man you are is based on not externalities,

00:48:38.060 but internalities.

00:48:38.980 And I actually think the word of God, cause it doesn't change.

00:48:42.260 Then you can, you can take anything from me.

00:48:46.100 And I'm not saying it won't, it won't be difficult.

00:48:49.340 It will, but I'm still going to move forward.

00:48:52.140 And this goes back to a previous question.

00:48:54.120 How do you march on?

00:48:56.060 We don't tie up our identity in externalities.

00:48:58.440 We tie them up in internalities, things that are entirely within our control and to the point

00:49:03.600 of spirituality, things that are unchanging.

00:49:06.760 Yeah.

00:49:07.560 Yeah.

00:49:08.000 That's good distinction.

00:49:10.200 Andrew Lazarus, how do you repair your relationship with your father?

00:49:14.260 When you are the one trying to have a relationship with him and he isn't willing.

00:49:21.560 I'm trying to think of a good metaphor for this.

00:49:24.860 I can't think of one, but the answer is you might not be able to.

00:49:34.160 You are trying to control him.

00:49:37.320 You're trying to manipulate him.

00:49:39.260 You're trying to change him.

00:49:40.680 You're trying to get him to do what you think he should do.

00:49:45.800 How's that working out for you?

00:49:48.180 That doesn't feel good either.

00:49:50.320 Well, it's futile.

00:49:52.020 It's like, it doesn't work. 0.94

00:49:53.380 And so now you're just banging your head against the wall, which makes you miserable.

00:49:58.280 So you need to detach your actions from the results in this situation.

00:50:04.500 Not always, but in this situation, you need to be a great son.

00:50:10.280 You need to be a great man.

00:50:12.300 You need to be a great father, a great husband, a great teacher, a great coach, a great mentor,

00:50:17.840 a great value add to your community.

00:50:20.420 You need to develop skills.

00:50:21.800 You need to build wealth.

00:50:22.780 You need to learn how to communicate effectively with people.

00:50:25.120 You need to do all of that.

00:50:26.840 And then you need to just let the chips fall where they may.

00:50:30.800 Like, yeah, that's it.

00:50:34.000 That's all you can do.

00:50:35.840 So you need to get on the phone and say, Hey, dad, the family and I would like to invite

00:50:40.560 you over for dinner this weekend.

00:50:41.760 Can you come?

00:50:43.300 And he might say, no, I can't make it.

00:50:45.740 I understand.

00:50:47.460 Open invite.

00:50:48.340 We'll have an extra plate at the table for you.

00:50:50.380 And if you're ready, awesome.

00:50:52.260 And then don't read into it.

00:50:56.140 Like, don't make up a reason why he's there, why he isn't there, what he's thinking.

00:51:01.700 No, you can't control him.

00:51:03.100 And you actually don't know why he's there.

00:51:04.960 Maybe he feels, but maybe you invite him and he says no, or maybe even worse.

00:51:09.840 He says yes.

00:51:10.400 And then just doesn't show up. 1.00

00:51:13.400 And do you start conjuring up all these stories about how he's a dick and he's an asshole and 1.00

00:51:19.680 he's a loser. 1.00

00:51:20.720 And, and you know what? 1.00

00:51:21.860 He might be at home feeling unworthy of being at your table.

00:51:26.620 Like he might, he might be there and he's like, oh man, I want to like, I'm going to

00:51:33.000 get emotional here, but I want to go see my son and like, I want to be with his wife and 0.99

00:51:38.500 I want to see my grandkids, but I'm such an asshole and I've treated him so poorly for 0.99

00:51:44.840 a decade. 0.99

00:51:46.140 I don't deserve to be there.

00:51:48.320 I'm not going to go.

00:51:49.340 That actually might be the story he's telling. 1.00

00:51:52.320 And you're talking about how big of a dick he is. 1.00

00:51:57.800 Don't make up stories about other people. 1.00

00:52:00.840 Do everything that you can to be the kind of son that you want to be and detach yourself

00:52:08.360 from the rest.

00:52:08.940 That's all you can do.

00:52:09.860 There's an element of this, you know, we talked about this early about relationships being

00:52:17.660 complete and, and you may, you may need to complete things with him and you may need

00:52:29.500 to even restore your integrity with him, regardless of him changing or showing up differently for

00:52:36.200 you.

00:52:36.420 That's right.

00:52:37.320 And I know that's super hard, but we, I mean, we've had this conversation in the Iron

00:52:41.600 Council so many times, right?

00:52:43.540 Because we get these guys that are like, well, how do I complete my relationship with my father

00:52:48.080 that's passed away?

00:52:49.140 Right.

00:52:49.420 Or how do I complete?

00:52:50.480 And they all think when we do this, I shouldn't be projecting.

00:52:55.000 I do this.

00:52:55.700 This is a natural tendency that, oh, well, I need to talk to him and I'm going to lay it

00:53:01.100 all out, all my judgments.

00:53:03.940 So then that way I feel whole and complete about the relationship because they expect

00:53:10.540 that they're going to respond in a certain way.

00:53:12.480 They're going to show up differently.

00:53:13.500 They're going to communicate something.

00:53:14.920 And then I feel fine.

00:53:15.880 And the lie is you don't need them to do anything other than be who they are for you to be complete.

00:53:24.560 What you need to quote unquote, be complete with is the area by which you've been out

00:53:29.520 of integrity.

00:53:30.180 I would challenge Andrea and I don't, obviously we don't know, have enough details, but I would

00:53:37.660 suggest that you've probably been withholding affection and love in your relationship with

00:53:46.200 your dad due to your judgment of him.

00:53:48.440 You want to take the high road here, you go have a conversation with your dad and you

00:53:54.680 apologize for doing that with zero expectations that he's going to do it back and zero expectations

00:54:02.320 that he's going to be different.

00:54:03.300 But you be you, just right back to what you're saying to Ryan, you be the best son possible.

00:54:08.440 And sometimes being the best son possible is you going, hey dad, I've been judging you

00:54:13.260 unfairly for the last 10 years when you don't show up to these things or I feels, or I interpret

00:54:21.180 this as, as you not wanting to, I've been totally judging you for that.

00:54:25.000 And I'm sorry.

00:54:26.240 And I'm your son.

00:54:27.340 I love you.

00:54:28.640 Would love to have you around and at least get complete with it.

00:54:32.360 And there's huge power in that.

00:54:34.260 That way he knows, because back to the, the story of the analogy that you used earlier,

00:54:38.860 Ryan, he might also be sitting in this house going, I don't want to go to lunch.

00:54:42.340 Why?

00:54:43.680 Because I know my son doesn't care about me.

00:54:47.340 He constantly, he never shows up when I've invited him over here, or I think he's just

00:54:52.640 trying to change me and I'm not worthy of his love or whatever, based upon the way that

00:54:57.120 you've been dealing with him.

00:54:58.380 So at least get complete with how you're showing up in the relationship.

00:55:02.160 Yeah.

00:55:03.740 Look, I, I, this is powerful.

00:55:05.300 Cause I know a lot of men are dealing with these father, other type wounds.

00:55:08.300 I look, I have been, you know, the only reason I tell you that is because that's what I

00:55:13.060 was doing to my dad, my dad's passed away now, but that's what I was doing to him.

00:55:18.000 You know how many times he called for my birthday?

00:55:22.120 Very few, like very few.

00:55:25.040 I can't actually, I can't even remember one.

00:55:28.200 And then I would see him or I would talk to him months later and he would say, Hey, yeah,

00:55:33.400 it was your birthday.

00:55:34.060 I've got a present for you.

00:55:35.340 You know how many times he sent that present?

00:55:37.540 Zero.

00:55:40.420 And I held stuff like that over him.

00:55:44.400 But why should I have done, should he have done those things?

00:55:47.140 Yeah, he should have.

00:55:49.280 Absolutely.

00:55:50.420 Unequivocally, he should have called me on my birthday.

00:55:52.820 If he made a commitment to send a gift, he should have sent the gift.

00:55:55.460 Like, absolutely.

00:55:56.780 But I now realize, I don't know why he did or didn't, maybe he was broke and he didn't

00:56:03.880 have the money and he didn't want to be embarrassed and tell me he didn't have the money.

00:56:07.800 Or maybe that he wanted to call me, but he felt so guilty about calling because he missed

00:56:14.120 last year's that he just didn't want to bring that up again or deal with that memory.

00:56:17.960 Or maybe he forgot because he was busy serving his family.

00:56:21.700 Like, there's a thousand reasons, none of which are diabolical in nature.

00:56:28.080 Like, it's just life.

00:56:30.980 And we just expect people to do what we want them to at all times without taking into consideration

00:56:37.160 their own situation.

00:56:40.400 And we add so much weight to it.

00:56:42.620 That shouldn't be added to it.

00:56:44.440 Same thing.

00:56:46.000 My dad has never wrote me a card, gave me a birthday gift.

00:56:50.600 He's never even seen me play a sports game.

00:56:53.820 That was one thing I always held over my dad.

00:56:56.080 Never saw me play hoops.

00:56:58.300 Not once.

00:57:00.060 And for years, I was like, oh, you know, he, but here's, here's the, here's the deeper rub.

00:57:05.960 What did I make that mean?

00:57:08.360 That he didn't love me.

00:57:10.840 That he didn't care about me.

00:57:12.500 That's, that's the interpretation I put on those actions.

00:57:16.100 And that's how I showed up my relationship with him.

00:57:19.140 My relationship with him was based upon the pretent, based upon the perception that he

00:57:26.020 didn't love me.

00:57:27.800 You don't think I withheld. 0.99

00:57:30.560 And I was a shitty son based upon that idea. 0.97

00:57:34.420 Of course I was, but it wasn't true. 0.95

00:57:38.500 And it didn't mean he didn't love me.

00:57:39.840 It means he didn't come to the game.

00:57:41.180 That's all it meant.

00:57:42.440 That's the meaning.

00:57:43.480 He didn't come to the game.

00:57:44.800 Oh, he should have sent a birthday card.

00:57:46.280 Yeah, he should have, but what does it mean?

00:57:48.940 It means he didn't send a card.

00:57:51.560 That's what it means.

00:57:52.620 That's it.

00:57:57.020 Yeah.

00:57:57.420 I mean, he could have, again, like, I don't know the situation, but maybe he didn't go 0.97

00:58:01.700 to the game because he was busting his ass on the farm and he couldn't make it to the 0.98

00:58:04.900 game. 0.99

00:58:05.160 But like, this sucks for both you and I, cause our fathers are gone, but yours is not.

00:58:15.460 So start showing up and then just let the chips fall where they may.

00:58:20.260 And then look, worst case scenario, you can walk through life with a guiltless conscious

00:58:25.500 in this department.

00:58:27.320 And there's something to be said for that too.

00:58:28.940 Let me share one other story.

00:58:31.560 And I think it's related if you don't mind really quick.

00:58:33.760 So I was talking with one of my older brothers.

00:58:37.220 A lot of people don't know this, but like my family's kind of broken up, right?

00:58:40.260 I have actually older siblings that have not seen my parents for 30 plus years.

00:58:45.160 We have these major, major drama and riffs and all kinds of craziness.

00:58:50.780 And, um, I was out with one of my brothers and he goes, how, how could you love them?

00:59:01.820 And my response to him was because I choose to, that's it.

00:59:09.720 Why do you love your dad?

00:59:10.920 Is it because he sent cards or he didn't send cards?

00:59:13.000 He does.

00:59:13.420 No, actually you should love or not love your dad because, because you just choose to

00:59:19.100 accepting the way he is.

00:59:20.360 You just choose him because you choose to, and it doesn't require them to be any different

00:59:25.980 than they are.

00:59:27.980 And there's power in coming to that realization that it doesn't require pretense on, on his

00:59:34.340 part for you to show affection and love.

00:59:38.880 I think this also applies to spouses, any kind of love, right?

00:59:44.680 Maybe you're, maybe your spouse, maybe you're thinking about walking away.

00:59:49.100 You know, maybe you're thinking about leaving.

00:59:51.140 Maybe, maybe you've quote unquote fallen out of love with your, with your wife.

00:59:55.340 Well, don't just don't like choose to love her.

01:00:02.060 Choose.

01:00:02.520 Maybe she's done some things wrong.

01:00:04.280 Maybe there's been some animosity in the relationship.

01:00:07.300 Maybe, I don't know, but don't just make the decision to love and to serve her because

01:00:14.100 you did at one point.

01:00:15.100 So stick with it.

01:00:16.560 And I think more often than not, that behavior or that way that you approach that changes

01:00:21.560 people might take a long time, may not be as quick as you'd like, but it changes people.

01:00:26.800 But you, that's a decision that you can make.

01:00:29.520 You already made the decision.

01:00:30.820 Now you just have to follow through on it.

01:00:34.100 I like that.

01:00:34.940 It's powerful.

01:00:35.560 Cool.

01:00:35.680 Any more questions or is that all of them today?

01:00:37.520 No, sir.

01:00:38.000 We got them.

01:00:38.980 I mean, Manish had a question.

01:00:41.100 How do you handle feeling like you're in a rut?

01:00:42.880 But we kind of covered that like three different ways.

01:00:46.020 Yeah.

01:00:46.180 I mean, look, really quick.

01:00:47.440 I think we got covered.

01:00:48.840 Feeling like you're in a rut.

01:00:49.980 Maybe you are in a rut.

01:00:51.180 So don't be in a rut.

01:00:53.500 Like do something else.

01:00:54.740 That's why you're in a rut.

01:00:55.620 You're doing the same thing over and over and over again. 0.97

01:00:57.480 It's making you miserable.

01:00:58.300 So do something different.

01:01:00.180 Yeah.

01:01:02.080 Yeah.

01:01:02.760 I like it.

01:01:03.300 You don't have to stay there, guys.

01:01:04.880 Like you don't.

01:01:06.420 You're not destined to stay there.

01:01:07.900 You're not destined for whatever path you're on.

01:01:09.600 You're not like, that's not, it's not a thing.

01:01:12.920 Just do something different.

01:01:14.240 I don't know what to do.

01:01:15.100 Yes, you do.

01:01:17.200 Yes, you do.

01:01:18.060 There's something in your mind.

01:01:19.760 There's a thought.

01:01:20.860 There's a gym down the road.

01:01:22.460 There's a promotion that's available.

01:01:24.240 There's a job opportunity you want to explore.

01:01:26.480 There's a woman you want to ask on a date. 0.98

01:01:28.900 Yes, you do.

01:01:30.840 You're just asking what should you do?

01:01:32.540 Because you're scared of doing the thing you already know you should be doing.

01:01:36.520 So do that. 0.56

01:01:38.080 And don't think about it.

01:01:38.960 Just go do it.

01:01:40.340 And then we can talk about if you're still in a rut or not.

01:01:43.880 I like it.

01:01:45.260 Glad I brought that up then.

01:01:46.660 Yeah.

01:01:46.800 I thought you had it covered, but man, it's a bit more fire.

01:01:49.900 More, just more preaching, more preaching.

01:01:53.780 The preaching podcast by Ryan Bicklitter.

01:01:56.440 That's right.

01:01:57.660 All right.

01:01:58.040 Bring us home.

01:01:58.720 Yeah, we mentioned a couple of things.

01:02:01.880 Iron Council membership is open for the remainder of this month.

01:02:06.240 So you roughly have this week to execute, to join us.

01:02:10.720 Go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

01:02:12.940 And just like on Facebook, if you haven't joined us on Facebook, join us there.

01:02:16.520 That's facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

01:02:19.200 And of course, you can connect with Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan Mickler.

01:02:24.600 That's M-I-C-H-L-E-R on the last name, assuming Ryan's kind of a pretty standard spelling there.

01:02:30.880 I don't know.

01:02:31.300 These new age names are like R-I-O-N-R-Y-A-N-I-N-E.

01:02:39.460 I think that's more of a Utah thing than anything else.

01:02:42.520 So let's clarify.

01:02:43.360 So at Graham and Twitter, at R-Y-A-N-I-C-H-L-E-R, just in case.

01:02:48.900 Yep.

01:02:49.380 Cool.

01:02:50.100 All right, guys.

01:02:50.780 Hey, great questions today.

01:02:52.160 There was some common themes on those questions between spirituality and getting out of ruts.

01:02:55.680 And that was good.

01:02:57.380 It's interesting when we have themes.

01:02:58.960 So it makes me think about what more we need to talk about.

01:03:03.220 And we do, guys.

01:03:04.040 We take what you guys are sharing with us and we try to create solutions.

01:03:09.440 And, you know, we try to create frameworks.

01:03:12.100 We implement it in the Iron Council.

01:03:14.140 We try to introduce you to people who might be able to serve in those areas.

01:03:16.780 So if I see a trend, which I did on this one, we'll work to provide solutions.

01:03:22.120 All right, guys.

01:03:23.000 We will be back on Friday.

01:03:24.420 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

01:03:27.860 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:03:30.580 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:03:34.420 We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - March 29, 2023

Talking With Your Kids About Suicide, What to do When Things Fall Apart, and Reconciliation With Your Father ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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