Order of Man - Tapping into the Confidence Loop ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.280 Nickler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and movement. That is Order

00:00:31.840 of Man. Whether you've been with us for any amount of time or just joining us for the very

00:00:36.420 first podcast today, I want to welcome you to the best podcast and the best source of

00:00:42.320 information available for men who are trying to improve their lives in every capacity,

00:00:48.200 whether it's your role as a husband, a father, a business owner, community leader, again,

00:00:53.480 whatever facet of life you're showing up, I want to give you the tools, the conversation,

00:00:57.040 the guidance, the resources, and of course, the direction to help you be more capable.

00:01:00.940 And that's exactly what we're doing here in this podcast. This is your Friday field notes. So this

00:01:05.100 is some thoughts and ideas and just things bouncing around in my brain, ideas that I've had from

00:01:11.620 throughout the week with regards to what it means to be a man. And I get a lot of questions about how

00:01:16.060 to develop more confidence. So that's what I thought I'd talk with you about today, how to do that.

00:01:21.380 And I've got a four-step process for doing that that has seemed to work well in my life.

00:01:25.380 I want to share that with you as well, because there seems to be a lot of confusion about where

00:01:29.160 confidence stems from. So we're going to address that here in a minute. Before I get into that

00:01:35.120 conversation, I just want to make a mention of my friends over at origin. You guys are familiar

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00:01:53.120 their discipline go, their mulk. And then also the discipline energy and cognitive enhancing drink

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00:02:04.260 the joint warfare for the joints, the fingers, the elbows, the knees, as I continue down this

00:02:08.920 jujitsu path, the mulk, the pre-workout, I use pretty much everything over there. And I was a big

00:02:14.720 skeptic of supplements in the past, but the more that I utilize these supplements, a hundred percent

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00:02:32.940 code order or D E R at checkout. And you'll get a discount on anything you purchase over there.

00:02:39.440 All right, guys. So let's get into the meat of the discussion today. I want to talk with you about

00:02:44.780 confidence. This seems to be a reoccurring trend, a reoccurring question. A lot of guys ask me,

00:02:50.560 where confidence comes from, how to develop confidence. And, uh, I thought I'd share with

00:02:55.080 you a framework. It's all it is a framework for developing more confidence in your life.

00:02:59.760 Now, the reason confidence is so important is because it's going to help you be more productive.

00:03:04.620 Bottom line, if you're more confident in who you are and how you show up as a man, whether again,

00:03:10.380 it's a father, a husband, business owner, community leader, you are going to have better results.

00:03:16.660 People are going to listen to you. They're going to respond and react in a positive manner to you

00:03:23.940 because you are a bold, assertive, confident leader. And that's exactly who you want to be.

00:03:30.100 And I'm going to share with you exactly how to create that. Uh, I learned a lot of this as I was

00:03:34.360 developing my own financial planning practice. I started doing financial planning in, uh, 2006

00:03:40.660 when I got back from Iraq and I remember going into, uh, prospects, clients meetings and really

00:03:48.700 struggling with my level of confidence. And I feel like because I struggled with confidence

00:03:54.260 that that came across in my sales presentation. And ultimately I wasn't as high converting with

00:04:00.860 potential prospects had, I could have been, if I had the level of confidence that I began to

00:04:06.740 develop over time using the framework that I'm going to share with you today. But what's

00:04:10.940 interesting about this, and this is a little bit of a catch 22 because you actually need to go

00:04:16.000 through a process in order to develop confidence. So a lot of people will say things like, well,

00:04:20.600 you just fake it till you make it. And maybe there's some merit to some of that, but if you're

00:04:25.840 faking everything, that's not really confidence. It's not genuine. And people are going to see

00:04:32.420 through that your potential clients, uh, you listening to this podcast or watching this video,

00:04:37.840 uh, your kids, your wife, the people you're trying to lead are going to see that you're faking it

00:04:43.340 and they're not going to be led by you. Now you may have some sort of authority, for example,

00:04:49.420 with your kids or subordinates, employees, et cetera, uh, where they're in a way obligated to do

00:04:54.680 those things. But leadership is about getting people to voluntarily follow you to a place they could

00:05:00.620 not have imagined going on their own. And in order to do that, you need to exude this level of

00:05:06.180 confidence. We all know the guy who, you know, he walks into a room and immediately, immediately

00:05:12.260 you recognize something about this individual, that there's something special or unique. And most

00:05:17.780 of us have heard it referred to as the X factor. That's confidence. The X factor is confidence,

00:05:23.880 but it's earned. And that is the most important thing you need to know. There is a misconception out

00:05:29.280 there that the guys who are confident are just inherently confident that they were born confident,

00:05:34.560 that, uh, they are bestowed some magical gift or blessing upon birth that some of us just don't

00:05:41.320 have. And if only that had changed, then you would be more confident. That's not true at all.

00:05:47.000 Uh, there's, there's, uh, a difference between arrogance, uh, excessive pride, ego, and then actually

00:05:54.780 being confident. So I will say that there are some who, uh, are arrogant, who have excessive pride,

00:05:59.980 who are driven by ego. Uh, and that's not confidence. That's not earned. That's the difference.

00:06:05.800 It's not earned. It's just manufactured. It's just conjured up in their mind. Confidence on the other

00:06:10.580 hand is earned. And you know, very, very quickly, uh, somebody who's BSing you and somebody who has

00:06:17.040 actually developed a real sense of confidence through, uh, the process and the framework that I'm going to

00:06:21.940 share with you today. So let's just jump right into this one. Uh, it's a four-step loop and I call it a

00:06:28.580 loop because when you insert yourself into the loop and there is a place that you need to start.

00:06:34.180 And I'm going to share with that, you with that, uh, that with you here in a minute, but when you go

00:06:39.420 through this process and you get to the last step, it actually helps you with that first step. And I'm

00:06:46.380 going to explain this. You're going to understand this as I go through it, but guys, I want you to work

00:06:50.480 this process because I have worked it in my financial planning practice. I've worked it in

00:06:55.440 my relationships with my wife and my children. I've worked this into my, my, uh, role here with

00:07:00.680 podcasting and doing video on YouTube, which you might be able to tell I'm still a little uncomfortable

00:07:05.500 on the video thing for YouTube because I'm just getting started. And that's actually going to tie

00:07:10.240 nicely into what I'm going to say. So step number one is this. It's not confidence. Step number one

00:07:15.060 in this confidence loop is courage. Guys, you have to exhibit some level of courage in order to build

00:07:23.080 more confidence in your life. You are not going to be good at something that you are trying for the

00:07:29.660 very first time. And it seems to me that so many guys will not go out and try new things because

00:07:35.320 they're worried about looking foolish. I understand it. I get it. We don't want to look foolish. We don't 0.80

00:07:41.180 want to look like morons. Uh, chances are when you were a kid, you may have got made fun of by 1.00

00:07:47.780 your father or father figure or a brother or friends for doing something stupid or looking foolish or not 0.99

00:07:55.380 knowing some bit of information that you never would have known had you not asked for it or immersed 0.99

00:08:00.620 yourself into that world. So we're drawing upon all this past experience. And the past experience

00:08:07.860 says, don't take risks, don't take risks because when you do, you potentially ostracize yourself

00:08:16.440 from the group. You're going to be ridiculed. You're going to be mocked. You know, I'm looking

00:08:20.000 here on YouTube and the podcast and social media. I mean, I hear from people every day who mock and

00:08:25.540 ridicule and put down and belittle everything about everything that we're doing. And if I didn't develop

00:08:32.040 and display some level of courage towards moving towards something that is motivating to me,

00:08:38.360 something that's calling to me a purpose and a sense of direction, uh, I would never put myself

00:08:44.620 into this arena. I would never get this information out into the world because I'm so consumed with

00:08:49.420 what other people think of me and then mocking me and ultimately the fear of rejection. Think about

00:08:57.040 it this way. If you had something that you wanted to pursue, whether it was a podcast or, uh, getting

00:09:03.140 into jujitsu or picking up archery or any other hobby that potentially you're interested in. If you

00:09:08.980 knew, if you knew that there was going to be nobody there to mock you or ridicule you or put you down

00:09:15.640 as you were getting started on that journey, would you do it? The answer is of course, yes, you would

00:09:23.240 do it. So what's keeping you from doing it. It's the fear that other people will reject you. It's the

00:09:29.640 fear that other people are going to think less of you for doing that thing. And for failing guys,

00:09:38.060 courage is an attribute and a virtue and a trait that all of us possess to some degree. And it's a

00:09:45.660 conscious decision. Displaying courage is a conscious decision. And through the process that I'm going to

00:09:53.160 work you through with the next three steps, you're going to see that confidence isn't necessarily a

00:09:59.080 decision. It's the result of decisions. So the first choice that you need to make is you need to be

00:10:06.300 bold and you need to exhibit some level of courage. You need to risk looking a little bit foolish. You need 0.99

00:10:14.380 to risk being the amateur, being the novice as you get started down a brand new venture. How do you do that?

00:10:21.820 You make the decision. That's it. You simply make a decision that you want to be bold, that you want

00:10:27.400 to be courageous, that you want to move towards some endeavor. And yes, you're going to get mocked.

00:10:32.120 Yes. You're going to be ridiculed. Yes. People are going to put it down. Yes. It's going to be

00:10:36.500 difficult. Yes. You might actually fail, but you're never going to develop confidence unless you're

00:10:42.680 willing to do that. So step number one, again, is exhibiting some level of courage towards a thing.

00:10:48.160 I'm going to challenge you that if there's something that you felt like you want to get started

00:10:52.620 with like an activity or a hobby or a project or an endeavor or a business or whatever it might be

00:10:58.260 asking a woman on a date that you just exhibit some level of courage right now today. And you move the

00:11:04.180 needle. I'm not asking you to win. I'm not asking you to complete your ultimate objective. I'm just

00:11:10.360 asking you and challenging you to move the needle in the right direction by exhibiting courage and taking

00:11:15.480 the very first step towards whatever that endeavor is for you. So step number one, again, is courage.

00:11:21.820 Step number two is consistency. When I got into the podcasting world in March of 2015,

00:11:28.960 there were at least, at least two dozen other organizations that were starting or had already

00:11:38.540 started something very similar to what we wanted to create here with order of man. And now looking at it,

00:11:44.220 new ones are popping up every day. New ones are, some of these older ones are going away,

00:11:48.720 but the, the most of them, the majority of the organizations that are similar to what we're

00:11:53.920 doing here that started around the same time I did are no longer around. They're no longer around.

00:11:59.780 Yes. They exhibited step number one courage because they took the first step,

00:12:03.640 but what they failed to do is they failed to do it consistently. It's easy to be good for a minute.

00:12:09.240 It's easy to be good for a day. It's easy to stay on track with a diet for a week, a month,

00:12:13.940 and maybe even potentially a year. But can you do it for sustainable, long periods of time,

00:12:20.460 like 12 months, 24 months, five years, 10 years, the rest of your life. Gentlemen,

00:12:27.620 if you want to develop a level of confidence in who you are and how you're showing up in a hobby or

00:12:32.300 the way that you're presenting yourself or a skillset that you're trying to develop,

00:12:36.140 then consistency is the name of the game. It's not enough to be well and do it well.

00:12:41.400 Once you have to be willing to, and make the commitment to being consistent towards developing

00:12:49.080 that skillset forever, forever, indefinitely. So if you're going to start, and again, I go back

00:12:55.760 to jujitsu, for example, if you're going to start jujitsu, or you're going to start archery,

00:12:59.760 or you're going to start writing and you want to write a book, or you're going to start a podcast,

00:13:02.860 or you're going to do whatever it is you're going to do, then make the decision, plant the flag right

00:13:07.260 now that you're not doing this based on maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. You're making a lifetime

00:13:12.880 commitment at this point to pursue that course of action. When I started the podcast again in March

00:13:19.120 of 2015, I made the decision that I would not even evaluate whether or not I was going to continue

00:13:27.100 down this path or throw in the towel for at least two years, at least two years before I would even

00:13:34.580 evaluate whether or not I was going to stop podcasting. That's the level of commitment that

00:13:40.720 it requires. And so I'll have guys who will say, you know, Ryan, I started podcasting and I did,

00:13:44.880 you know, like 10 or 20 episodes and realized I wasn't very good at it and that it wasn't for me.

00:13:50.640 20 episodes, man, you're not even in the game yet. You're not in the game unless you're podcasting for

00:13:57.200 a year or 18 months or even two years. And at that point you're actually in the game. So don't tell me

00:14:03.780 that you did well for two months and it just didn't work out and it wasn't meant for you. No, maintain

00:14:10.540 a level of consistency required in order to build the confidence that you're after. And ultimately the

00:14:16.440 reason we want confidence is to produce the desired result because confidence in and of itself is

00:14:21.760 pointless. It's meaningless. It's that the fact that, that having more confidence will help you

00:14:27.100 produce a desired result in your life. So have the courage, be bold, be willing to start, but plant the

00:14:34.660 flag knowing that you have to do this for a very, very long time. Too many men get into projects

00:14:41.620 with a unhealthy and a false set of, of expectations about what it's going to take.

00:14:48.840 They underestimate the amount of time and effort it's going to take in order to

00:14:54.080 gain some level of mastery. And they overestimate their own abilities and how well they'll do

00:15:01.500 starting a new endeavor. I do this all the time. And what I've realized is that I'm not as good as I

00:15:07.540 think I am. And it's going to take twice as long and twice as much money and effort and other resources

00:15:13.860 to get myself into some pursuit. So be realistic about the expectations, hire coaches, look at what

00:15:21.300 other people have done that are producing the results that you're after. Talk with them, communicate

00:15:25.580 with them, figure out what they've done, what's worked, what hasn't, because you need to ensure

00:15:30.300 that you have the right set of expectations so that you can plant the flag and you can do this thing,

00:15:35.880 whatever this thing is consistently and indefinitely. So that's point number two.

00:15:40.920 Point number three. And I keep looking down here, guys, if you're watching on video,

00:15:43.940 because I've just got my notepads here or my notepad here, rather I use field notes. I've got

00:15:49.080 these everywhere. And that way I can just take some notes and make sure I cover all the important

00:15:52.940 topics that I want to cover. And we get it all, we get it all addressed in a way that I meant to.

00:15:58.140 Otherwise I kind of tend to get off subject a little bit like I am now. Okay. So we've got number one

00:16:03.440 is courage. Number two is consistency. Number three is then this inevitably, inevitably leads to

00:16:10.580 some level of competence. When you're courageous and you're bold and you take a step into the unknown

00:16:17.640 and you pursue something that is meaningful, that is significant, that you're after and you want,

00:16:22.220 and then you display a level of consistency required to begin to master something, you develop

00:16:29.880 competence and competence. Again, just like confidence is earned. It's the result of the

00:16:38.060 courage. It's the result of the consistency. You know, I think of, uh, the matrix for example,

00:16:43.960 where, uh, where Keanu Reeves is like plugged in and he's getting the training and it's a video and

00:16:50.220 he's watching it or being plugged into his brain and he wakes up and he's like, I know Kung Fu. I mean,

00:16:55.180 wouldn't it be nice if we could just download that information into our brain and instantaneously

00:17:00.400 we'd have the competence required to be successful at a thing. Unfortunately, and fortunately, it doesn't

00:17:07.460 work like that. You need to put in the time. You need to put in the effort. You need to fail. You need

00:17:12.940 to succeed. You need to learn. My friend, Pete Roberts with origin calls it tuition payments. You have to pay

00:17:19.480 the tuition payments and the tuition payments aren't necessarily financial, although they could be

00:17:25.280 because I've made some financial missteps. Um, I've got one of our new shirts on in fact, and that

00:17:30.660 reminds me that when we were just launching the order of man merchandise store, cause guys were asking

00:17:36.700 about hats and shirts and other things that we could offer. Uh, I had made a shirt that was strikingly

00:17:43.060 similar to another organization's shirt. And, uh, I didn't quite realize it at the time. And so we

00:17:51.300 launched this shirt and this other organization reached out and rightfully looking back, they were

00:17:56.820 pissed about that. They were upset about that. And out of respect and looking back on it, I was like,

00:18:01.900 yeah, it's really close. Um, I decided to discontinue those shirts. I think we sold eight of them,

00:18:08.980 five of them. I don't know how many we sold in between the time that we released them and the time I

00:18:12.580 was contacted by this company and they asked us to, to, uh, stop selling these shirts. So I ended up

00:18:20.020 having, if I remember correctly, somewhere around 150 extra shirts lying around that I couldn't sell

00:18:29.880 that represented time that represented money that represented effort on my part. It could have been

00:18:35.480 vested somewhere else, uh, that I would have been able to capitalize on those shirts, but that was a

00:18:41.000 tuition payment. Now it wasn't overly expensive, but if you start to compound those over and over and

00:18:47.760 over again, you learning and gaining confidence is going to cost some capital, financial time,

00:18:55.100 attention, focus, potentially even relationships. It's going to cost for you to develop the level of

00:19:02.060 competence that you're trying to develop towards your craft. Same thing with podcast equipment. I've

00:19:08.420 bought a ton of equipment, thousands and thousands of dollars worth of equipment that I've never used,

00:19:13.640 or I used once and realized it was the wrong thing. I could have maybe done a little better in the

00:19:19.320 research development, but again, I don't get down on those things because I require, I realized that

00:19:24.240 the tuition payments are required in order for me to develop competence. Again, this is a cycle.

00:19:29.980 This is a loop, if you will. So we've got courage is step number one. You can exhibit some level of

00:19:37.080 courage. That's a decision. That's a choice that every one of us can make. Now, some people say,

00:19:42.360 well, some people are more courageous than others only because they've chosen to be. That's it.

00:19:47.540 They've made conscious choices to step into fear and doubt and uncertainty because the thing they're

00:19:53.960 pursuing is more valuable or a greater draw than the potential downside of loss or ridicule or failure.

00:20:02.640 So step number one, courage. Now, once you develop that courage, it's all about consistency. It's not

00:20:09.320 enough to be good for a day. It's not enough to be good for a week or a month or a year. You have to

00:20:14.440 be good indefinitely and you're going to mess up and you're going to fail along the way. Trust me,

00:20:19.660 your failure on the path to whatever endeavor you're pursuing does not mean that it's not meant to

00:20:25.180 be. One of my pet peeves that I hear a lot of guys say is they'll, if things don't work exactly right,

00:20:29.780 they'll say things like, well, I guess it's not God's will. What a ridiculous statement to make. 0.98

00:20:35.860 It has nothing to do with that at all. That would be like saying, if my, if my son wanted to start, 0.97

00:20:41.320 uh, football, for example, or hockey or some other sport or activity, and he tried it the first time

00:20:49.420 and he failed at it, that would be like him saying, well, I guess my dad doesn't,

00:20:54.980 doesn't really care if I succeed and he doesn't want me to win. It has nothing to do with that at

00:21:00.260 all. Okay. It it's you, it's you, right? You have an opportunity to thrive. You have an opportunity to

00:21:08.180 succeed. And when you fail or things are hard or harder than you thought they would be, it doesn't

00:21:13.200 mean you throw in the towel. It doesn't mean that that wasn't meant to be. It just means you paid a

00:21:18.440 tuition payment. It just means you messed up. It just means that you learned a way not to do it.

00:21:24.060 And now you know what to do hopefully, or at least you know what not to do moving forward. And you can

00:21:29.080 try something a little bit differently. So develop that consistency, the courage plus the consistency

00:21:35.140 now leads to competence. You become a master. You become somebody who understands how to get things

00:21:43.740 done. Uh, I, I get a lot of messages from people who will say things like, Hey, Ryan, your podcast is

00:21:49.660 great, man. You're just, you're a great interviewer. You're so natural when you're talking with people

00:21:54.040 or they'll say things like, Oh, that's man. You have this great gift, like this born talent guys. It was

00:21:59.400 the furthest thing from that. I, I still am in a lot of ways, but I was so awkward and so uncomfortable,

00:22:06.240 um, talking with people, asking them questions, especially the hard questions. The only reason that

00:22:13.280 somebody would say I'm fairly decent at it is because I've done it for a very, very long time.

00:22:18.320 I've done over gosh, 500 podcasts now. So if I haven't got better at it, something's wrong.

00:22:24.860 So while I appreciate the compliment that people say, you know, you have a gift or you have a skill

00:22:29.420 for this, that's not the case at all. It just means that I developed it over a long and sustained

00:22:35.420 period of time. In fact, probably longer than it would take most people, but I was willing to put the

00:22:40.900 time in the reason that I'm confident with our ability to podcast. The reason I'm confident

00:22:45.900 with being able to talk with you, the reason I can just take, for example, on my, on my notepad here,

00:22:51.860 the reason I can just take a few notes and just riff on this subject is because I have the competence.

00:22:57.080 I've been talking about this stuff for almost five years now. So yeah, I should be able to do this

00:23:02.820 without having it all scripted out line by line and reading it verbatim to you.

00:23:07.560 I have developed a set of competence. And because I've developed this competence towards podcasting,

00:23:14.300 towards doing YouTube, towards interviewing people, towards sending emails out, towards posting on

00:23:20.180 social media, because I've developed the competence, we move into the fourth step and the final step,

00:23:26.140 which is you having a level of confidence. You beginning to develop the X factor. Guys,

00:23:32.940 it's not confusing. The X factor or this confidence factor, isn't some mystical

00:23:38.520 attribute that other people aren't able to access. Like there's, there's nothing secretive about this.

00:23:47.460 When you see a man who has the X factor and you think to yourself, man, I want to be like that guy.

00:23:52.680 I want to be that confident. I want to be that assertive. I want to be that bold. I want to be that

00:23:57.380 competent. I want to be a master. He, he hasn't figured something out that isn't available to everybody

00:24:02.300 else. And nothing I'm sharing with you is even frankly new. Hopefully I'm just giving you a new

00:24:07.260 way to look at it. But the reality is, is that individual has the quote unquote X factor that

00:24:12.020 everybody likes to say is some mystical attribute is just him going through the confidence loop.

00:24:18.640 That's all it is. That individual had some courage towards a thing. He exhibited courage as he stepped

00:24:24.900 into the unknown and the uncertainty. He did it for a long and sustained period of time. And because he did,

00:24:30.720 he naturally and inevitably built up some level of competence. And now that competence is showing

00:24:37.520 that's all it is. It's the manifestation of the first three steps. And as I started this with talking

00:24:45.800 about my financial planning practice, when my financial planning practice began to take off,

00:24:50.440 it's when I realized and step fully into this competence loop, excuse me, confidence loop.

00:24:56.220 When I developed the competence required to earn the level of confidence that I was after,

00:25:05.180 I didn't have to convince clients. I didn't feel awkward and uncomfortable. I was willing to walk

00:25:11.580 away from potential client interactions because I didn't need, I wanted those people as clients,

00:25:17.420 but I wasn't desperate. I didn't need that in order for me to live the kind of life that I wanted to live

00:25:22.720 in order for me to have the kind of financial practice that I wanted to have. And as that confidence

00:25:28.080 exuded from every fiber of my being, my potential customers and clients picked up on that.

00:25:36.120 They read that. They saw it. They felt it. There was the X factor. And overwhelmingly, I saw my numbers

00:25:44.520 of conversions continue to go up and up and up and up. Now your conversions could be in your business.

00:25:49.860 Your conversions could be you asking women on dates. The conversions could be your kids doing

00:25:57.040 what you'd like them to do. Maybe it's their chores. The conversions could be that your wife 1.00

00:26:01.680 doesn't question your, I won't say authority, but she doesn't question your decisions as much

00:26:08.080 because she knows that the level of confidence you have has some, some power behind it, some depth,

00:26:15.280 some substance behind it because you've got the courage, the consistency, and the competency

00:26:20.660 to back up that confidence that you're displaying. Now, the reason it's a loop. So I give you the four

00:26:29.300 steps again, courage, consistency, competence, confidence. Now, the reason it's a loop is because

00:26:32.980 when you get to that fourth step, which is confidence right now, you're a confident individual.

00:26:37.120 Guess what that level of confidence does for you? It allows you to develop and display and utilize

00:26:45.420 more courage because you know that this is a framework that works. This is the equation that

00:26:51.720 works, right? So now you're confident. And because you're confident, you can go out and you can take

00:26:57.040 a bigger risk. You can go out and be bolder and be more assertive and invest more money and time and

00:27:04.380 energy into the projects that are meaningful to you because you know, the process, you know,

00:27:08.960 the steps you've eliminated a lot of the uncertainty and a lot of the unknown because you've actually

00:27:13.880 been through this process. Guys, you can't skip steps here. You can't fake your way into confidence.

00:27:20.340 You have to use the confidence loop. And when you step into this thing and you start working it,

00:27:27.000 it's perpetual. It just continues and continues and continues and continues. This is the same concept

00:27:32.960 why we hear when people say, well, the rich just keep getting richer, right? Because they've learned

00:27:39.140 the skill sets needed in order to build wealth. Some guys get all the ladies, right? Because they've 0.99

00:27:46.580 developed the skill sets needed in order to be attractive to women. It's the Pareto principle, 0.95

00:27:55.500 the 80-20 principle. You guys have probably heard of it. That 20% of, or excuse me, 80% of the

00:28:02.940 result is created by 20% of the effort, right? Or put another way is you could say that 80% of the

00:28:12.060 results from men come from actually 20% of the men. Or you could say that 20% of the people in the

00:28:19.560 world own 80% of the wealth. Now those numbers might be off a little bit depending on what metric

00:28:24.020 we're talking about, but the principle is still the same. So when you hear somebody say, oh, the rich

00:28:29.220 get richer. Some guys get all the luck. Some guys get all the ladies or even podcasting. Like there's

00:28:34.900 a handful of podcasts that do very, very well, but 80% of them don't get that's this confidence

00:28:41.280 loop at work. And I wanted to break this down. I wanted to demystify the process of confidence for

00:28:47.780 you. So you don't walk around wondering why some guys seem to have all of the luck or all of the

00:28:53.560 gifts and all of the blessings and all of the reward that you're after yourself. If you want

00:28:58.700 those things, whether it's a podcast or a business or a relationship or a team that follows your

00:29:04.400 instruction or kids who respect you or a wife who will follow your lead, then you've got to tap into

00:29:11.580 the confidence loop. Again, as we wind things down today, it's courage. Step number one, anybody can

00:29:17.720 exhibit that step. Step number two is developing a level of consistency in displaying that courage

00:29:23.440 towards your worthy pursuit and objective. Step number three is you now develop some level of

00:29:28.520 confidence because you're doing this. And step number four is the confidence comes behind the

00:29:34.700 first three steps. And then that confidence is what allows you to come back and display even more

00:29:39.940 courage than you did initially, which will inevitably create more confidence for you. So it's not

00:29:46.480 complicated. I spent almost 30 minutes going through it and everybody now has a grasp on it.

00:29:52.660 It's simple, not always easy. Take some time, take some effort. We already talked about that. You got

00:29:58.180 to pay the tuition. You got to pay the man, right? But if you implement this and you have this at heart

00:30:04.480 and this on your mind is you're trying new things, you're going to develop more confidence. And then

00:30:09.220 ultimately, again, it's not about the confidence itself. It's about the fact that you are going to win.

00:30:13.380 You're going to make more money. You're going to have a deeper connection with your wife and kids.

00:30:17.700 Your team is going to thrive. You're going to get the promotions. You're going to get in shape and

00:30:22.720 live a longer and healthier and more fulfilled life. You're going to have intimate relationships

00:30:28.260 or at least more opportunities for intimate relationships with members of the opposite sex.

00:30:32.280 It's going to be better. And I want you to be more confident. And in order to be more confident,

00:30:37.400 you have to be courageous. You have to be consistent. You have to develop some level of competency.

00:30:42.700 And you will have that courage or excuse me, confidence. All right, guys, we're going to

00:30:47.720 wrap things up there today. I hope that helps. Please let me know. Connect with me on Instagram

00:30:52.300 or Facebook. Also on YouTube. Our YouTube channel is blowing up. I think over the past,

00:30:58.020 I want to say roughly two weeks, we've had over 7,000, maybe even close to 8,000 now new subscribers.

00:31:07.000 We've got some great videos, including the video for this podcast and some other videos. We're going to

00:31:11.740 start doing some skillset videos over there as well. Pete Roberts is going to be joining me to

00:31:17.400 talk about jujitsu. I'm going to try to get some archery experts involved, some mechanics involved, 0.93

00:31:23.520 so we can start learning some of the skillsets that we needed to the hard skills and the soft skills

00:31:28.480 to thrive and be more capable as men. So check it out on YouTube, youtube.com slash order of man,

00:31:34.560 join us over there and make sure you stay connected. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast,

00:31:39.020 leave a rating and review goes a long way in promoting the visibility. And of course,

00:31:42.200 the message of reclaiming and restoring masculinity. All right, guys, we'll let you get going for the

00:31:47.540 weekend. Hope you enjoy it. We'll catch you next week. Until then, go out there, take action,

00:31:52.280 become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

00:31:57.040 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:32:00.740 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - September 27, 2019

Tapping into the Confidence Loop ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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