Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.120 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.660 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up man? Great to see you after Christmas. I hope all is

00:00:28.320 going well. And yeah, here we are. First recording back after Christmas. Yeah, it was good, man.

00:00:36.120 I, you know, this time of season is always easy. Well, it's easier, right, to think through what

00:00:41.280 we should be grateful for. And thus, I'm probably in a lighter mood than I normally am because usually

00:00:46.200 I'm complaining about things. Yeah, you're usually kind of a dick and like grumpy and like all the

00:00:51.480 things that are going wrong. Today, all the things are wrong. You seem like you're pretty optimistic

00:00:57.460 and hopeful. So, you know, you, I know you're joking, but you know, we talk about this even in

00:01:03.680 the Iron Council. Wait, wait, hold on. Hold on a second. What makes you think I'm joking?

00:01:09.780 All right, go ahead. But honestly, like we joke about this. And I mean, we, you mentioned this.

00:01:14.740 Yeah, I've heard you mention this multiple times in the Iron Council, you know, the kind of caliber

00:01:18.800 guys that we're surrounded by, the kind of guys that join the Iron Council, they're guys that are

00:01:23.400 getting after it in life. And when we do have a tendency, sometimes those guys to always be

00:01:29.560 less reflective and more focused on like fixing and progressing. And sometimes it's really valuable

00:01:38.080 for us to sit back and just go, hey, you know what? Life's good. And things are going good. And

00:01:43.080 we're doing okay. Not to rest necessarily, but to at least celebrate and have some gratitude for what

00:01:49.860 we do have. So yeah, I struggle with that at least. So I struggle with that too. The other thing I

00:01:55.320 struggle with is that I can fixate fairly well for better or worse. And so I'll see a target in front

00:02:02.860 of me. And usually it revolves around business. That's my go-to business, making money. That's my

00:02:09.860 go-to. I've been pretty dedicated to being in the gym, pretty dedicated to jujitsu. Like there's,

00:02:15.300 there's three or four things hunting. There's three or four things that I can fixate on,

00:02:19.700 which is good because that's why I accomplished those things because I can fixate and be distraction

00:02:26.360 free. I tend to forget that the quote unquote distractions are the actual things that really

00:02:33.440 matter. Like your wife and kids, your friends, your spiritual growth and development. So that's the

00:02:40.700 one thing that I, not the one thing that is one thing that I struggle with too.

00:02:45.300 When you get fixated on those things, do you also lose strategic focus, at least on the business side?

00:02:52.580 I've noticed I've latched onto certain things and put too much weight on them because I'm like,

00:02:58.040 no, this is how it should be done. This is the correct way. And I, and I really like latch onto it.

00:03:02.980 But the thing I'm lacking onto in the grand scheme of things, isn't as strategically important

00:03:08.500 as other things. And I chose the wrong battle. Does that make sense to, to give too much attention to?

00:03:17.680 I tend to be a pretty intuitive person. And I think more often than not, and somebody's welcome

00:03:23.200 to correct me if I'm wrong. I tend to get it pretty right when it comes to what I should be focusing on.

00:03:28.400 Like I tend to be intuitively know, Hey, that's where the attention needs to go.

00:03:34.060 And, but that said, I am not a strategic person and I never have been. So we were talking about

00:03:41.100 this just a couple of weeks ago on the iron council where you're kind of like, Hey, I follow

00:03:45.480 where my gut is, where I'm at. And look kind of in the moment. Yeah. Strategic focus is not your game.

00:03:52.040 So when you say, do I lose strategic focus? I never had it. Therefore I don't have anything to lose.

00:03:58.980 You know, I'm kind of like the, the balls to the wall, throw it all the spaghetti on the wall

00:04:02.760 and see what sticks. I kind of tend to be more of that guy. So I probably should be more strategic

00:04:07.940 in the way I go about things or alternatively get the right people in your, you're more strategic

00:04:14.680 than I am. Uh, Reese is way more strategic than I am. Chris with the events is strategic. Drew is

00:04:21.660 strategic with the funnels and everything. Like the guys that are around me are very strategic in these

00:04:26.540 things and I'm not. So I'm probably a point of frustration for you guys because you're saying

00:04:34.400 here's the map. Here's the thing. Here's the, and I'm like, cool, just do it. And you're like,

00:04:39.900 well, I need your input. I'm like, you know, you don't just go, just do it.

00:04:42.520 It just execute. Yeah. Yeah. So either I need to focus on it or make sure that I'm surrounded by

00:04:49.580 strategic people. Yeah. Well, which is so powerful in that statement alone, you know,

00:04:55.460 it's like, you know, know where our strengths are, know what we're good at. And then where we're,

00:05:00.480 where we're, where we're not as good or passionate about, because that's the other thing. Let's be

00:05:05.100 frank. Like, you know, Folkman wrote a book called the extraordinary leader. And the whole premise

00:05:10.020 of that book is your impact as a leader is greater when you focus on what you're good at. And, and the

00:05:17.660 reason why is because what you're good at is also what you're passionate about and is also what you

00:05:21.820 enjoy doing. So double down on the areas that you're great. And then instead of focusing on like,

00:05:28.620 oh, this area that I'm not so good at, well, guess what? It's probably an area you don't care about

00:05:32.540 and you prefer not to operate in. So surround yourself with the appropriate people and, and

00:05:38.000 then, and then you, you get best to both worlds. I think the key is just knowing that just because

00:05:43.740 you're not a certain way that it doesn't mean that side of the business or that side of your life goes

00:05:50.480 away. You still need to make sure it is addressed. It just doesn't always have to be addressed by you.

00:05:55.600 That's where we get into trouble where we're like, well, I'm not strategic, so I'm not going to do any

00:05:59.820 of that. Well, that's a problem. Yeah. You still have to preside and make sure it happens.

00:06:05.740 Yeah. Yeah. Good point. Well, cool, man. Well, let's get into some questions. Actually,

00:06:09.840 before we do just want to mention that the iron council is open for a few more days. You'd mentioned

00:06:15.240 that earlier. And you said the guys in there are really getting after it in life. That's because

00:06:20.160 they volunteered and self-selected themselves that way that they've, they've gone through a selection

00:06:27.280 process just by investing in themselves. And I'm not saying everybody in there is hyper successful

00:06:32.420 and everybody you're going to get value from. If you join the iron council, it's not what I'm

00:06:37.320 suggesting. What I am suggesting is that 100% of the people in the iron council are interested in

00:06:44.960 self-development. We know that. And we know they're doing more than just listening to a podcast,

00:06:50.440 more than just reading a book. They've actually invested real money, their efforts, their hard

00:06:57.180 work, their money into being there. And that's a great self-selector. So if you want to be around

00:07:02.000 other guys who at a minimum care about self-development and at best hyper successful guys

00:07:08.760 like Reese, guys like Drew, guys like Chris, guys like Alan, guys like Jay, like the people that I'm

00:07:15.620 talking about, they are hyper successful. And a lot of them suggest that the iron council

00:07:22.120 has a big role to play in that. So take that for what it's worth. We're open at order man.com slash

00:07:28.520 iron council. Cool. So we're filling questions from Facebook. That's facebook.com slash group

00:07:36.300 slash order man. Kyle Olesfolk tips for transitioning from a construction superintendent back to a foreman

00:07:44.160 and co-working with people. I formerly managed and managing them still carry, uh, calling me

00:07:50.400 and managing them still calling me. I don't understand what he meant by that, but maybe

00:07:56.120 managing them, maybe they're still calling him a manager or something. I don't know. One thing that

00:08:02.780 I've noticed, and I don't know if this is happening in your case, but so I don't want to jump to conclusions

00:08:09.520 on this, but I have noticed this in a way, if you've got promoted to, let's say management,

00:08:14.560 like you're talking about, they may consider you part of them, part of they, right? That those guys

00:08:23.800 over there. Yeah. Yeah. And they, and it might be a direct, they might view it as being at direct

00:08:30.520 odds with their own self-interest as workers, contractors, whatever it is. So you might have

00:08:37.660 that hurdle to overcome. I only say that because I didn't quite understand the last, the last

00:08:42.140 sentence that you had shared there. Uh, here's what I would suggest is just go with the heart to

00:08:48.520 serve. Just go with the heart to serve. Hey guys, I'm here to serve you. You don't need to put

00:08:54.000 yourself above anybody. Uh, be careful of providing and offering unsolicited feedback. Well, I guess in

00:09:00.820 your, if you're a foreman position, but if you're a foreman, there is going to be some feedback you need to

00:09:05.420 give, but just be very aware of how that might be perceived. Uh, I would say that there might need

00:09:13.360 to be some rapport that needs to be built because I imagine between where you are boots on ground and

00:09:20.140 upper management, there's a divide. There's probably a physical divide, right? You're in an office space

00:09:25.780 or somewhere offsite and they're onsite, but then there's also that mental divide of, Hey, us versus

00:09:31.080 them mentality. So in order to bridge that, you're going to need to build up some rapport and make

00:09:36.220 yourself to the degree that you can, you shouldn't do it fully, but to the degree that you can make

00:09:40.780 yourself one of them again, instead of one of those guys, the suits, the corporate suits. Right.

00:09:48.300 Uh, but yeah, I think just the, the, the encompassing answer to that question is go with the attitude of

00:09:55.580 service, get to know your guys on a deeper level, just beyond what their skills are in the construction

00:10:01.520 trade. And I think if you keep those at the forefront of your mind, it will help you make

00:10:07.240 good decisions. Whatever those decisions end up being good decisions on a daily basis to connect

00:10:12.580 more deeply with these guys that you're now serving in a different capacity. Yeah, for sure. One of the

00:10:17.840 more powerful ways to create a sense of team belonging. Right. And that's kind of what I'm hearing here

00:10:23.240 is like, how, how does Kyle get aligned with this team members and ensure that they're a team and

00:10:30.700 right. And he's part of that team is having a unified focus on what you're focused on. So you may have to

00:10:38.260 change your thought process a little bit too, right? You've been a construction superintendent and your

00:10:42.600 focus has been this, well, you're part of this team now. So what is, how does the team win and how do

00:10:48.420 you show up to ensure that that team's winning? And are you unified with that team? And do you

00:10:53.660 understand their needs, desires, and challenges that they're addressing and approaching those from

00:10:59.580 a position of service? And how do you help them help them? Yeah. And also with getting to know their

00:11:08.260 needs, desires, and wishes, the best way to figure that out is to ask them genuinely. So Kiff, if you're

00:11:13.560 one of the guys and I'm your foreman, a question I might ask is, Hey man, I'm over here now,

00:11:18.400 different environment. Are there some things I need to be aware of that maybe I didn't see

00:11:22.180 in this other position and then just shut up and listen. And I don't need to defend. I don't need to

00:11:27.280 say why management chose to do whatever they chose to do. All I need to do is just be quiet and listen

00:11:32.340 and just say, Hey man, thanks for sharing. You know, that gives me some insight I hadn't considered

00:11:36.080 before. Or, Hey, were there some things that management was doing that posed a challenge for you

00:11:41.860 that now I'm here with you guys. I might be able to help bridge that gap. Now I can't promise I can

00:11:46.740 do that, but that's something I'm interested in doing. Like help me out. And you're going to get

00:11:54.020 good feedback, but you're also going to show people that you're humble and you're not one of them.

00:11:58.760 Like you genuinely want to know and serve. Yeah. Kyle Matheson, don't have a question, but more of a

00:12:06.680 thank you for all that you have brought to this community. Your words ring incredibly true to me.

00:12:11.740 And I have learned much in the past year from the men in this group. Thanks for the movement and keep

00:12:17.200 kicking ass brother. Right on. You're, you're welcome. I mean, that's, that's why we're here,

00:12:22.340 right? To serve you guys, to help you win. Uh, so when I hear from guys like you and other people

00:12:27.020 who are winning and succeeding and implementing what we're teaching, that's awesome. That's exactly what

00:12:32.780 we're trying to do. Yeah. All right. Dwayne Jones, Ryan and Kip. I, oh geez. Another don't have a

00:12:38.820 question. Dwayne. Appreciate you guys advice. I promise I'd not, I don't want to get, let's make

00:12:44.780 sure we actually have some questions here. Let me read ahead. All right. Richard Ray, as the new year

00:12:49.280 approaches. I think it's important. We hear this and not for our own egos. I don't want to downplay it,

00:12:54.200 but I, and that's what I think is like, if he's paying a compliment and he feels like he's being served,

00:12:59.840 like I actually would like to hear it, not from my own ego, but he shared it. Like let's hear it.

00:13:05.220 Yeah. All right. Dwayne Jones, uh, Ryan and Kip don't have a question, but I wanted to say thank

00:13:10.420 you for, uh, for the reply from last week's ask me anything. I truly appreciate the advice.

00:13:15.860 Thank you so much. Awesome. Yeah. Again, that's why we're here. So hopefully it helped.

00:13:22.020 All right. Richard Ray, here we go. As the new year approaches, can you share some insights into what

00:13:27.160 it looks like to hold each other accountable in our groups where guys are trying to improve

00:13:32.140 and strive in areas of character development fitness for the year ahead? Do you find certain

00:13:37.380 questions are better to ask than others in assessing how guys are doing in their personal pursuits

00:13:42.880 and, uh, where they've been asked for accountability? Yeah. So I guess based on the last little caveat you

00:13:51.260 threw in there, they have asked for accountability. It sounds like correct. Kip. Totally. Yeah. Okay.

00:13:55.920 That's my understanding as well. All right. So if you don't have that, that's going to be a little

00:14:00.140 bit more challenging, but let's actually address both. Let's assume that you do have some level

00:14:04.740 of accountability built in or some understanding that we're going to hold each other accountable.

00:14:09.860 Uh, one question that I really like that will flip this entire thing on its head is what are you

00:14:14.740 struggling with the most right now? That's a really good question because if you think about when you ask,

00:14:20.840 Hey, how are things going? Number one, it's very, very broad. So I don't really know where to go

00:14:27.420 to answer that because there's so much going on in my life. Even if it's subconsciously,

00:14:31.400 I don't know how to answer that question. Number two, it almost sounds like hyperbole, like, or,

00:14:36.420 or not hyperbole rhetorical. Like, how's it going? Oh yeah, it's good. Like, it's just a rhetorical

00:14:42.740 question. You're not really seeking for the answer. So you're not going to want to elicit a great answer

00:14:47.740 from it. Uh, so that's why I like flipping on its head a little bit and catching somebody off guard

00:14:52.840 is, Hey Joe, um, you know, what, what are you struggling with most right now? And, and then,

00:14:58.800 and then I would say even get even more specific, what are you struggling most right now with your

00:15:04.020 fitness goals? What are you struggling with most right now in connecting with your wife? What are you

00:15:09.920 struggling with most right now with your children? The more specific you can get with your questions,

00:15:15.460 the better answers you're going to elicit. If you just say, Hey, how's it going as a man?

00:15:21.280 What I hear is I'm supposed to respond with good. Things are fine. I'm not supposed to complain.

00:15:27.300 I'm not supposed to gripe. I'm not supposed to really get into the details. You actually probably,

00:15:32.540 at least in my interpretation, don't really want the answer to that question. And so it's like,

00:15:37.280 Hey, I'm good. And give each other a high five. And we can both go on about our day and say that

00:15:40.700 we checked in on each other, but the spirit is just not quite there. The spirit or the intent of

00:15:46.780 the message. So the better question is, what are you struggling with most right now? Number two,

00:15:52.560 what are you doing about it? You know, you're struggling with locking in your diet as an

00:15:59.860 accountability, quote unquote partner. Sometimes we think that we're supposed to come in and rescue

00:16:03.720 and rush and save. No, you're supposed to, yeah. Yeah. You're just supposed to hold themselves

00:16:11.000 accountable. Not like I'm not even holding you account. How could I do that? You're a grown ass

00:16:15.420 man. How am I going to hold you accountable? Am I going to threaten to take money from you? Am I

00:16:21.600 going to threaten to beat the shit out of you? If you don't like, what could I possibly do that would

00:16:26.600 hold you to your word? I can't, you have to decide to keep your word, but I can help you do that

00:16:32.480 by asking these good questions. So it might be Kip, what are you struggling with most right now?

00:16:37.980 And you say, oh man, my diet's been horrible and I'm just really struggling. Now here's where most

00:16:42.560 men are like the donuts. Yeah. And most men are going to be like, oh, well, you know, you just

00:16:46.420 got to do X, Y, and Z and then it's solved. Bro, he already knows that. Like he already knows what to

00:16:51.240 do. He's just not doing it. So the better response is, yeah, yeah, I really understand that. I struggle

00:16:56.960 too. What are you doing about it? Like, what do you do to keep yourself on track?

00:17:01.080 Yeah. And what's working and what isn't? And then the third question, the inevitable question

00:17:06.980 is, okay, so what are you going to do about it? So what are you struggling with? What have you

00:17:14.000 tried? What's working? What isn't? And then what are you going to do about it? Those questions right

00:17:19.680 there are so much better than these. Hey, let's just, you know, I called him and I checked in on him.

00:17:24.260 It's like a checklist of things you're supposed to do. This is actually, I really care about you.

00:17:27.500 I want you to win and I want you to find solutions to your own problems.

00:17:32.460 Yeah, totally. Totally. I, you know, this is such a, you know, we could actually, I think we could

00:17:38.400 literally spend an entire hour on, on this subject of, uh, of accountability. Um, what, one thing that,

00:17:45.360 that comes to mind that I think is important is get super laser clear on what, what is a commitment

00:17:55.040 versus what is not. And, and I'm kind of thinking this more from a corporate perspective, but I don't

00:18:00.260 think it's any different in a social setting. The reality of this happens all the time is, you know,

00:18:06.060 we'll be in a leadership meeting and, and, and Ryan goes, Hey, you know, it kept, you know,

00:18:10.480 it'd be really great is, uh, you know, if we did X and I go, Oh yeah, that'd be awesome. And then we

00:18:14.640 move on. Yeah. Well, Oh, hold on. Stop. Everyone stop. Okay. Are we doing that? Are we not doing

00:18:22.060 this? That is a good idea. Was that a softball? Like, yeah, sure. Ryan, when time permits, I'll

00:18:27.000 maybe do that. Like we need to get really clear when we make commitments and what they are. Cause

00:18:33.640 that's kind of the first step. I don't know if it's the first step, but it's one of those early

00:18:37.480 steps of accountability is my outward expression to you, Ryan, of what I'm committed to doing.

00:18:43.980 And it can't be this elusive, like, uh, yeah, I need to stop eating donut or, or like, yeah,

00:18:50.320 I should eat better. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's, we don't do that kind of shit. Right?

00:18:55.480 Like I, I need to be communicating to you going, I have an issue with my diet. I am committed

00:19:01.780 to doing X and I'm communicating it. It's black and white, you know, as my accountability partner,

00:19:08.920 what I'm committing to doing. And now there's no internal, like cycle analyzing justification in my

00:19:17.000 own mind three days later of like, well, you know, I thought it was a good idea when it was convenient.

00:19:22.320 And you know what I mean? Like it's, it's gray what I'm committing to. So we got to be super laser

00:19:27.640 clear on what we're committing to. So that way we can honor that commitment. The second part,

00:19:34.520 and, and you know, this, like, um, obviously I'm not even talking to you, but we're talking to

00:19:39.120 Richard here. So like Richard, one thing that, that, that I've been focused on a lot over the

00:19:44.080 last couple of years, and, and this is a conversation we have with battle team leaders

00:19:47.840 and, and I'm, I'm going to, I'm going to rip Bubba. I always, I don't know why it's just like

00:19:53.340 an opportune time to make fun of Bubba. So, but, but I call it the, where he can't respond back to

00:19:58.400 you. Is that, is that what you mean by that? Yeah, totally. Or even physically present to defend

00:20:02.400 himself. So, um, but like, you know, he, he's super great and rash, right? Like it's like,

00:20:09.120 you know, handing out bitch tickets and making guys do burpees and, you know, and it's fun. 0.99

00:20:14.100 Right. But I think sometimes that's how we see accountability. We go, Oh, accountability is me

00:20:20.640 having a tough conversation and, and calling out Ryan and, and publicly shaming him in front of 15 guys.

00:20:27.220 And, and although that might get me somewhere, what that ultimately gets from Ryan or, uh, ultimately

00:20:36.060 gets me from someone is compliance, but compliance in, in the grand scheme of things, when we look

00:20:43.700 about levels of commitment, compliance is like covertly compliant. It is like, I will be compliant

00:20:50.500 as long as I might get shamed, as long as I might look bad, as long as you micromanage me, but, but

00:20:57.220 it's not self-driven. It's not self-directed. And so the conversation that we need to have with people

00:21:03.280 that we're holding accountable is not one of compliance, but one of commitment. And so I

00:21:09.300 challenge battle team leaders in iron council of when a guy's not hitting his numbers, it isn't about

00:21:15.400 the, the hacks as much as like, we'll try this hack and this hack and, and let's publicly shame you and

00:21:20.900 put you in a hot seat. The conversation should be around. Why are they not fully committed and bought

00:21:26.780 in to, to their commitment? What's blocking them mentally from achieving that? And I'll, and I'll

00:21:33.800 share it even committed. Like you were talking about earlier, are they even committed in the first

00:21:37.600 place to actually something that you can measure? Exactly. And it's much, and unfortunately it's not as

00:21:42.860 simple as like, well, I just need to do it this week. It's not that simple. And I'll share a quick

00:21:48.940 example. I was on a battle team call. This has probably been a year now. And there's, there's a

00:21:54.040 guy had a tactic around, he had a primary tactic, a weekly, a daily objective, a daily task that he was

00:22:00.260 going to complete. Come on, man. How long have you been doing this? You know what, you know what the

00:22:03.580 verbiage is? I know I'm backing up in case anyone listening doesn't understand what we're talking about.

00:22:08.440 So, so this brother's daily commitment was a scripture reading and then a secondary of Sunday

00:22:16.560 worship. Okay. And we get on the call and his numbers are low. Right. And his battle team

00:22:22.020 leaders like, Hey, you know, Josh, what's going on, man? Like I noticed your numbers are really low in

00:22:27.420 this, in this quadrant. And he's like, you know, I've just been really busy. Typical answer. Been

00:22:32.200 really busy. You know, I, you know, I need to double down. I'm good. I'm going to, you know,

00:22:37.040 I'm going to step up this week and I'll make sure to have better numbers. And then we're tempted to

00:22:41.800 move on. Right. And I was like, Hey, do you mind if I just ask some questions about, about your

00:22:47.120 numbers? And he's like, yeah, sure. I'm like, what are you saying to yourself in the moment that you

00:22:52.360 justify not doing it? Cause you're out of integrity and you're never out of integrity without explaining

00:23:00.220 it away. So when everyone listening, when you know, you should go to the gym and you decide not

00:23:06.700 to, you had to tell yourself a reason. Well, not today. I kind of got a cold or I'm really tired.

00:23:12.800 Or you come up with some reason to justify it. Now, sometimes that internal dialogue is something

00:23:19.020 a little bit deeper than I'm just busy. And in this particular instance, I thought it was enough

00:23:24.400 to get to the root of the issue. And the guy was like, Oh, I just, I felt like not today. Today's

00:23:30.940 too busy. I'm like, okay. And it didn't really connect. And I was like, how do you feel about

00:23:34.840 yourself? Like, what are you saying about yourself? And his, and his response was, who am I?

00:23:43.840 And I don't deserve to be going to church and reading scripture.

00:23:49.440 Wow. Yeah. Now we're talking about a blocker. Definitely. We could have tactics all day and

00:23:57.620 that shit's not going to work if the brothers think that time in the world and you're not going 0.72

00:24:01.880 to do it. You're going to find other things to do if you're feeling like that. And so now the

00:24:05.380 conversation is hold on. Okay. Now let's talk about that. Let's talk about if that's true.

00:24:11.700 And if the message of Christ requires someone to be perfect for you to worship, right? And now we're

00:24:20.440 unblocking something that was preventing this guy from being bought in and fully committed.

00:24:26.220 Man, there's, I wrote, I wrote a bunch of notes down here. Cause there's so many different ways

00:24:30.640 that there are so many thoughts that I had, as you were saying that I really liked that question.

00:24:35.000 You know what that requires? Balls. 1.00

00:24:37.140 Like, cause we don't want to, we don't want to hear the answer.

00:24:42.100 No. Well, I'm, I'm saying from the person asking the question, because you're being by design

00:24:47.240 confrontational, you are deliberately being confrontational. And we are conditioned from

00:24:53.860 the time that we're little kids, not to be confrontational, but accountability with other

00:24:59.280 people. Part of that is confrontation, not unnecessarily, not inappropriately, but it is

00:25:04.860 confrontational by nature, by design. Uh, another great question in your scenario that, that might

00:25:10.380 help you get to the root of it. When he says, yeah, I've just been busy. Most of us will nod and

00:25:13.540 say, oh yeah, I get that. Cause I am too busy with what? Like help me understand what first,

00:25:20.240 let me back up. How long does it take you to read your scriptures every day? Oh, about 15 minutes.

00:25:24.060 Okay. Tell me what 15 minute block you were busy with during the day. Like I want to know.

00:25:29.300 Yeah. I want to know what you spent every 15 minutes of the day doing. Well, I don't really

00:25:35.440 have an answer. Right. So that's not the issue. And then you, you went straight to the issue,

00:25:41.500 which was an awesome series of questioning. Uh, I wrote down another thing here when you get

00:25:45.460 compliance versus commitment, because you can, you can shame people, you can push on them. Uh,

00:25:50.440 like you said, really all you're going to get when you do that is you're going to get resentment and

00:25:55.120 rebellion, resentment and rebellion. They're going to start to resent you or resent the process.

00:26:00.660 And because they resent you in the process and they hate it, they're going to start to rebel.

00:26:04.200 They're going to leave. They're going to ask for no more accountability. They're going to do the

00:26:08.340 opposite just to sabotage it. Resentment and rebellion are built that way. And the last thing

00:26:13.480 I would say with regards to how to hold somebody accountable is you be accountable personally.

00:26:18.940 So Kip, if I'm your accountability partner and I'm having a hard time holding you accountable,

00:26:22.760 you know what I might do? I might get on the phone and say, Hey Kip, last seven day report.

00:26:27.900 Uh, I was really good for five days on reading scripture. Uh, but you know what Saturday I

00:26:32.740 didn't do it. And I didn't do it because we were on vacation and we were traveling.

00:26:37.220 But if we travel in the future, I've downloaded the Bible app on my phone and I'm going to read,

00:26:43.160 I'm going to get up 15 minutes before the rest of the family does and make sure I get my reading in.

00:26:47.320 Okay. Now I just told you without you coming to me, I was just accountable to you.

00:26:53.200 And I told you, this is how we do it. This is the expectation without having to tell you,

00:26:58.540 this is the expectation. You are now living up to the standard that you expected that person.

00:27:03.400 Totally. Totally. And I, and I think, and it seems a little cheesy, but I don't know. I don't think it

00:27:09.000 is, but I think it's impactful regardless is when you hold yourself accountable and you communicate

00:27:14.820 that mess up, you communicate the impact of it. What do you mean? You go, Hey, you know what? I,

00:27:22.320 I was traveling. I didn't read my scriptures. And not only this is what I'm doing to correct that

00:27:26.760 moving forward, but by me, not reading my scriptures, I didn't honor my commitment.

00:27:33.760 My kids saw me that I wasn't consistent on, on doing something that I said I would do.

00:27:38.260 It affected how I showed up that day. And I'm present. I like, I'm literally present

00:27:43.780 to my lack of commitment and how that shows up in those around me. I don't think we're,

00:27:52.300 I don't think we connect to that enough. I think if we really connected to that,

00:27:56.640 we'd all be hitting the gym on a regular basis. I agree. We'd all be doing all the things we

00:28:01.640 should be doing. If we were really present to how we show up in the world and how it affects those

00:28:07.760 around us. And, and trust me, like we talk about this all the time. Like guys, guys are like,

00:28:12.580 Oh, I'm not moved, touched, and inspired to go to the gym. Well, that's because you think you

00:28:17.260 go into the gym is about being in shape. But when you go into the gym is setting the

00:28:22.760 precedence for how your kids show up as adults and whether they'll have positive body images of

00:28:29.060 themselves, whether they might feel shameful of how they look because they followed you and your

00:28:35.320 modeling as a parent. And they, and little Timmy may go into adulthood feeling ashamed of himself

00:28:43.180 and kids making fun of him. Okay. Well, there you go. There's your motivation to get to the gym.

00:28:49.040 It's a lot more than just like you get some six pack abs, but we don't do that. We, we focus on the

00:28:56.680 superficial high level, you know, reasons why we do things. And, and trust me, it's, it's far bigger

00:29:03.100 than just, you know, hitting the gym. Agreed. I think a big part of that, the reason we don't do that

00:29:11.000 is there in, in our current culture and society, there is a tendency to reject shame. A great

00:29:19.940 example of that is the body positive. Hey, don't feel shame because you're severely obese. Be in

00:29:25.920 love with yourself, be in love with your body. That is beautiful, right? These are the things that

00:29:31.920 we hear because we are rejecting feeling any sort of shame or guilt or remorse. And we want to live in

00:29:39.040 this utopian bliss where we never feel anything that's painful. Well, I would suggest to you that

00:29:46.440 shame and guilt and remorse and sorrow in healthy quantities and healthy doses is actually a good

00:29:58.060 thing for you. You're talking about connecting to the problem on an emotional level. Shame,

00:30:04.780 for example, that I didn't do that. You should feel ashamed. And if you felt ashamed and you

00:30:10.720 actually embrace that painful feeling, maybe you would stop certain behavior or start different

00:30:17.600 behavior. And that's what we're after. So we can use emotions for our good. We should not run away

00:30:23.920 and hide from them. I heard this great quote that they said that the current generation has done

00:30:30.880 something really, really well, but they never finished the entire thought process and they've

00:30:36.380 become super hyper aware of like their failures and like their feelings and everything else,

00:30:44.000 but they completely fail to actually take action. And you use this analogy all the time. Indicators in

00:30:49.480 the call. Here's a healthy dose versus a non-healthy dose. You got some shame indicators showing up on

00:30:54.900 your dashboard of your car going, Hey, tire pressure's low. This is, this is when it's bad.

00:31:00.600 When you sit in your car and you just cry and you go, Oh, Oh, poor is me. And then you just sit

00:31:06.600 in your vehicle, not drive it. Right. That is not what we're talking about. It's, Oh, tire pressure's

00:31:12.080 low. Get yourself out of the car and put some air in the tire, right? It should always drive to action.

00:31:18.660 And these are just indicators. These are just indicators telling us that we need to adjust and grow.

00:31:24.900 And evolve. That's all not sitting in the cab of the vehicle and just, you know, cry and feel sorry

00:31:31.060 for yourself because you have an oil change that needs to be done. Yep. Yes, absolutely. I stole

00:31:36.140 that. Cool. Let's try to steal that from you. All right. Travis Gillis, how long does the IC forge

00:31:41.280 approval take? Uh, it should be instantaneous. So the forge is the, the place you go, uh, when you join

00:31:50.580 the iron council and you're going to spend about 30 to 60 days in there, 60 days tops,

00:31:55.180 you should spend 31 days in there. The first 30 days of getting you onboarded with the iron council

00:31:59.880 up to speed up and running verbiage plan systems, dah, dah, dah. Uh, and then day 31, you can now join

00:32:07.000 a battle team. So if you're not in the iron count, if you signed up for the iron council and you didn't

00:32:13.660 get some emails, giving you access to the forge and the foundry, which is where we, we operate, uh,

00:32:21.180 email membership, singular membership at order of man.com and we'll get you squared away.

00:32:28.660 Yeah. And he might just be seeing the forge as an approval process. It's really a

00:32:32.400 onboarding process, right? To ensure that you're successful.

00:32:36.040 There's no approval process for the forge. Yeah. Yeah. When, when you join your,

00:32:40.000 you're automatically entered into the forge. So there's no, there's no approval that you need

00:32:44.520 from any, but that's where you go when you get started. Yeah. Josh Keller tips for keeping a

00:32:50.500 positive mindset in the increasingly negative world we live as far as social media, politics,

00:32:56.920 CRT criminals getting away with more and more. Yeah. I mean, we have to be realistic towards those

00:33:03.860 things. I think if we just cover our eyes and cover our ears and bury our heads in the sand,

00:33:09.540 that's a problem too. So we do need to operate in a realistic environment and world and recognize

00:33:14.880 what's going on. But as far as staying positive, I also think that's important and being optimistic

00:33:21.320 and being hopeful and having goals and ambitions and desires. Alan Placer, who's a great member of the

00:33:27.020 iron council, extremely successful, did a nice little presentation on Friday for us. And he talked about

00:33:32.860 finishing your failure. And what we had talked about is that when your failure in a way, at least I

00:33:40.700 think, and this is how I interpret it, is that your failure is done. When you stop looking at

00:33:45.400 everything pessimistically about what's transpired and you start looking at it optimistically regarding

00:33:52.220 what you're going to do moving forward. So you lost your job, bad situation. Now, what are you going

00:33:57.500 to do? Well, I got to go look for a job. Great. Now you're optimistic and you're moving into the

00:34:01.600 future with optimism and hope. Maybe you're going through a divorce. All the things that you're

00:34:06.020 doing wrong, all the things that went wrong, all the things that you did to cause it, you know,

00:34:10.600 you could dwell on that forever and you're going to be very pessimistic about that.

00:34:14.140 It's not wrong. You did those things. Okay. Now, what kind of man are you going to be? I'm going to

00:34:19.840 be this kind of man. I'm going to, I'm going to build this home. I'm going to be this kind of father.

00:34:23.520 These are the things I'm going to do now. And that moves you into an optimistic path moving forward.

00:34:27.520 Gratitude is a big one. Look, I know everybody says write a gratitude journal. I personally have

00:34:33.260 never done that. You know, maybe once in a blue moon, I'll write down, you know, three things I'm

00:34:37.520 grateful for. It seems like a silly exercise. Maybe it works. Maybe it doesn't. It just seems kind of

00:34:44.100 silly to me, but I'll tell you one thing that I've really tried to do lately is I've tried to verbally

00:34:49.200 express my gratitude to people. So Kip, you, you know, I, I appreciate what you bring to this.

00:34:57.880 I appreciate your perspective. I appreciate your professionalism. I appreciate the insight that you

00:35:02.020 give to the guys. I appreciate how you serve other people. With my wife, when she cooks a meal that I

00:35:08.260 really like, or she looks very nice in the dresses she wore to church on Sunday. Hey, you look amazing.

00:35:14.420 You look incredible like that. Is that a new dress? It's, it's beautiful. You know, or our pastor at

00:35:21.320 church, uh, he did a great Christmas Eve sermon. And on Sunday, I went up to him yesterday at church

00:35:26.140 and I said, Hey, you know, pastor, I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciated your

00:35:30.960 message, uh, on, on Christmas last night. I just, I wanted to let you know that.

00:35:37.780 And so I've never done the gratitude journal thing, but verbally expressing my gratitude towards others.

00:35:42.860 And by the way, why should they not reap the benefit of their hard work too, of their efforts?

00:35:47.980 Cause when I just write it and I'm like, I'm grateful for my pastor. He doesn't get to experience

00:35:51.960 any of that. But if I go to him and I say, Hey, I'm really grateful for you. Not only do I feel

00:35:58.160 better because I've expressed that gratitude and I have optimism on my life. He actually gets to

00:36:02.240 partake in it. He gets to enjoy. And who doesn't like to be complimented genuinely? We all like that.

00:36:09.260 It feels good. So that that's something that I've done. The only other thing that

00:36:12.840 I would say is you're going to be a product of your environment. So if your environment is

00:36:18.580 negative, you're, you're around pessimistic people who just like to complain and gripe and moan.

00:36:25.320 That's what you're going to do. That's, that's the culture that you have around you. So mix your

00:36:29.880 environment up, get, get into a different place. Sometimes guys will say, well, I'm stuck at work

00:36:34.020 doing this, right? So on your lunch break, be more deliberate about where you're going and spending

00:36:38.840 time. Do you want to spend more time with those people on a lunch break? If you're miserable around

00:36:43.180 them, I would be not, I would think not. So go find different people to spend time with. And, and

00:36:50.700 I think a little bit in a way through osmosis, you're going to start picking up on the positivity

00:36:55.260 and you're going to start talking, thinking, acting, and behaving in a more positive manner.

00:36:59.460 Do you have any opinions about like taking in information, you know, kind of reducing how

00:37:06.460 much news you get or, or focus on things outside of your realm of control from a keeping a positive

00:37:12.420 mindset? Yeah. So if you go and listen to the Friday field notes from last week, I talked about

00:37:20.520 the pathway to emotional sovereignty. And we do have to have control. If you think about the word

00:37:27.280 sovereignty is the root word is to reign. And I want guys to be able to reign over their emotions.

00:37:35.260 So to me, if you're looking to the news and you're looking to the entertainment industry,

00:37:39.600 and you're looking to podcasts to get you all hot and bothered and outraged and upset,

00:37:46.360 that's not really, that's not really reigning over your emotions. You're allowing other people to

00:37:51.280 rile you up and you have no control over it. So now they're the ruler of your emotions.

00:37:55.760 Yeah. But if you are listening to certain information, hand-selected, hand-picked,

00:38:03.240 which is easier than it's ever been, we can get exactly the kind of information we want.

00:38:08.040 And you're listening to it with an ear of doing something about it, then you're not going to be

00:38:15.300 so emotionally charged over it. It creates an emotional feedback loop. Almost you get upset and

00:38:23.340 then you're in your head. And then it just bounces around and you're upset and you're upset and you're

00:38:26.280 upset and you're upset. And it never directs that energy. I'm actually, so on Wednesdays,

00:38:31.260 I do homeschooling with my kids. I take Wednesdays and we do a science lesson on Wednesdays.

00:38:38.120 We've had a lot of fun with it. We're talking about energy and how energy comes in many different

00:38:44.420 forms, whether it's light or kinetic energy or mechanical energy, nuclear energy, a lot of different

00:38:49.040 forms of light, heat energy, and how it can transfer, how it can pass through objects.

00:38:55.500 It can be absorbed by objects. It can reflect through or from objects. That's actually what's

00:39:01.040 happening when we pick up on all this stuff. We're absorbing it. It's just energy that we're

00:39:06.860 absorbing and it's negative and it's hostile and it's gross and it feels horrible. But if you take

00:39:12.700 that and you decide to redirect it because energy can change its form, so now we redirect that energy

00:39:20.120 to something constructive and positive, it was good for you. It's great for you. But if you just

00:39:25.680 absorb it and never redirect the energy, yeah, it's just, it's not going to be good. It's like

00:39:31.200 light energy can transform to heat energy. And then if you have enough heat, for example, on a computer,

00:39:37.700 what's going to happen? The computer is going to fry. It's going to become unusable,

00:39:41.660 which is why we have fans in our computers to cool it off. Most people never cool off. They

00:39:46.660 absorb all that energy. They get all heated up and never cool it off. And then they just become toxic

00:39:52.720 and gross. Yeah. Kevin Pennell, how do you hold onto your faith in God when horrible shit happens in

00:40:01.940 your life or in the lives of others close to you? Godspeed and thank you. How do you hold onto your faith?

00:40:11.660 Well, I think faith is a choice, right? I think faith is a choice. You have to choose to be

00:40:17.260 faithful. And is it really faith if things are going well?

00:40:23.280 No, it's easy to be faithful, quote unquote, faithful when life is good. It's really hard to be

00:40:30.440 faithful when life is not good. And so I would suggest that

00:40:35.040 at least for me, the way that I've remained faithful or even developed a newfound sense of

00:40:44.340 faith through hardship, whether those are external hardships or whether those are self-induced

00:40:50.480 hardships, the best way that I have found overcome that is by serving other people.

00:41:01.700 And, and since you're talking about it in a spiritual perspective, God has given me

00:41:05.680 some incredible, incredible talents. I was watching a video. We just got our rough cut video for

00:41:12.200 the main event in the legacy.

00:41:13.940 I've been waiting, man. I'm waiting like every day on YouTube. I'm like,

00:41:17.940 no video yet.

00:41:20.020 You know, a guy you could just ask, but we got, we got the, we got the rough cut video.

00:41:26.480 And my first thought was our video editor is incredible. Todd Van Fleet and, and Ken as well.

00:41:36.160 They're, they're both incredible. Like they make it look really good. And my second thought was,

00:41:40.940 I have a gift. And I know that sounds prideful, maybe even egotistical or arrogant. But as I

00:41:48.840 watched that, I thought to myself, I have a gift. God has given me the gifts of being able to see who

00:41:57.160 like you and other people need to be at these events, the way that we need to run them, the

00:42:01.880 ability to communicate a message that resonates deeply with men and their sons, where we can rally

00:42:07.460 them together and we can bring them to Maine and we can do these events and transform their lives.

00:42:12.400 I have a gift, but you know what else I have? A lot of human deficiencies.

00:42:19.780 It's like, I don't, I could spend every day, all day talking about all the deficiencies that I have

00:42:27.060 in my life, all the things that I do wrong, all the ways that I take advantage of people,

00:42:32.600 all the ways that I'm prideful, all the ways that I want to be lazy, like all the ways that I've hurt

00:42:39.900 other people in my life, succumbing to addiction, which I've talked about over the past several

00:42:46.100 months. I could write novel after novel about how inadequate I am. And yet God still said, you know

00:42:53.560 what? In spite of that, here's some gifts that you can use to transform your life. And most importantly,

00:42:59.820 and I really believe most importantly in the lives of other people. So when you see something horrible

00:43:07.660 happening, maybe it's a certain group of people, or maybe it's a certain person who's victimized or

00:43:15.520 traumatized serve. If you see some injustice in the world, do something about it. If you, if some,

00:43:25.120 if you're personally going through hell right now, whatever that looks like, again, whether it's

00:43:30.500 self-induced or external circumstances, then get on the phone with somebody who's also going through

00:43:36.260 hell and talk to that person. Here's what I learned. Here's what I did. Here's what I'm still going

00:43:43.080 through. Here's how I'm overcoming it. How are you doing? What are you doing? I got on the phone the

00:43:47.700 other day with a friend and I'll leave the details between him and I, but I know that he is struggling

00:43:52.560 with some, some of the same things I'm struggling with. And in the moment I felt like, man, I need

00:43:58.860 to reach out to this guy. And so I sent him a text and I just said, how are you doing? It's been a while.

00:44:05.260 How are you doing? And he sends me a message back and he says, well, you know, just to get straight to

00:44:11.180 it, here's what's going on. And it's a horrible, horrible situation. We're going through similar

00:44:17.440 things. It's worse than my situation, significantly worse than my situation. And in that moment,

00:44:24.880 I forgot all about myself and all about my own woes and troubles and felt more deeply connected

00:44:32.940 to him. And then also I felt really good about being able to serve him, even in some dark times

00:44:40.480 that I'm going through myself. That's how you do it. It's not to get too like spiritual, but like

00:44:49.140 it's light in darkness. Right. And, and, um, religiously, we know like the light of Christ

00:44:58.720 is, is actually just love, which is a form of service. And it's amazing, you know, where we can

00:45:06.880 be in a dark room, be in a dark area of our lives. And by bringing light into it, the room

00:45:14.080 lightens up and you create light through service, through loving and caring for other individuals,

00:45:20.080 you know, and it, and it lightens the room, regardless of the room, you know, whether it's

00:45:24.800 your room or, or someone else's room. Right. So, um, yeah, that's, that's powerful. One thing

00:45:32.180 that, that I, from Kevin's question, he says, you know, you know, hold onto your faith in God

00:45:38.160 when horrible things are happening in your life. Right. So this is kind of built upon the premise

00:45:43.100 that horrible things are happening in my life. Thus, how can I believe in God? Right. And,

00:45:50.180 and for me, and I don't know, I, I'm just, I, maybe I'm built differently, but, but I, I think

00:45:56.380 there's two things that come to mind for me, Kevin, the first is that, um, life I believe

00:46:03.780 is, is just one part of the process. And so when I look at a difficult life, I can't, it's

00:46:12.700 not final. It's not, it's not finalized, right? Life is just a step in the process. And so when

00:46:19.880 I think about eternal perspective and why I'm happy, why I have life and why I'm here

00:46:26.900 and it's to actually learn and grow, then, then I, I'm not going to, I can't, I'm not

00:46:33.320 going to lose faith in God because life is difficult. And, and most importantly, how arrogant

00:46:40.960 is it for us to think that growth is not made through sometimes life being shitty?

00:46:50.160 Yeah. Yeah. That's not how it works guys. Like, and I know it's a default human behavior,

00:46:55.780 right? Yeah. We, we spend our lives, look at our lives. I look at my life. How much effort

00:47:00.840 have I put into conveniences, making life better? I've spent probably hundreds of thousands of

00:47:08.360 dollars around the idea of making life more convenient and fun, not more difficult, but yet

00:47:16.080 that's not the point of it. The point, the point is for me to grow and there is zero growth without

00:47:24.800 difficulty. Just like the gym, there's zero growth in muscle without resistance, without struggle.

00:47:31.680 There's actually zero growth in life without struggle.

00:47:38.360 So who am I to say that I should be able to be like God and grow and become a better person without,

00:47:45.360 without hardship? It's so naive, you know, but yet I'm, and I'm not being mean, Kevin. I just,

00:47:53.180 I think it's a natural human tendency for us to seek comfort, but that's not how growth happens.

00:47:58.100 And when shitty things happen, it's not a woe is me. You know, God did this to me. It's like,

00:48:03.820 okay, there's a lesson to be learned. Don't waste the lesson. How do I grow from this? How do I become

00:48:09.860 a better person? And most importantly, if it's super, super dark and it feels really, really like

00:48:15.200 we're talking like evil, like really horrible scenarios and we don't understand it. That's

00:48:20.460 what I remember in the internal perspective and say, Hey, life is just one step in the process.

00:48:25.660 Right. And, and the, and the game is much bigger than just life.

00:48:32.500 Yeah. It's powerful. I'm, I'm, I'm reminded of that interview that, uh, I don't know how to

00:48:40.860 pronounce his name. Shay or Shia LaBeouf or LaBeouf. I don't know. I need to figure out how to say his

00:48:45.340 name. Cause I should know too, but yeah, I know. Because I refer to this interview, but he did an

00:48:49.840 interview on, it's on the real ones podcast. It's the pun, it's the actor who plays the Punisher. I

00:48:54.480 don't know his name either. Yeah. But I've seen this episode cause I resonated with me in a really

00:49:00.140 powerful way. It was one of the most powerful conversations I've ever heard, but he told a

00:49:06.000 story that he had heard somewhere about, and I don't even, I don't want to ruin it, but the,

00:49:10.840 so just go listen. But the underlying message was this guy who had a son and bad things kept

00:49:18.240 happening in his life. And every time something bad happened, he said, I can't call it yet.

00:49:22.940 I can't call it yet. Like, I don't know if it's bad. You know, you're, you lost your job.

00:49:29.480 I don't, you can't call it yet. Like your life is not horrible. Cause you lost your job. You lost

00:49:33.720 your wife. You can't call it yet. You lost a child, man. You can't call it yet. You're dealing with

00:49:40.580 illness. The game's not over. How many times do we look at the scoreboard of life and think,

00:49:47.400 well, there's a scoreboard. Yeah, but there's still time on the clock. Like that, that hasn't

00:49:53.020 hit zero yet. There's still time on the clock. And even if you don't quote unquote, win,

00:49:58.620 why would you not fight to win? Why would you not fight to improve? So yeah, you might be going

00:50:05.340 through a tough time. Other people might be going through tough times. Here's a great way to look at

00:50:09.460 it. How many times in your life have you gone through horrible circumstances that you can't even

00:50:14.900 remember right now? And they don't even cross your life. They were horrible. They were life-ending

00:50:22.140 tragic events. And you can't even fully remember all the details of it. Five years later. Yeah.

00:50:28.620 You cannot call it yet. So don't call it early. All right. What's next? Well, and I'm sorry,

00:50:34.200 one thought, and it might be on you to, to rise up. Maybe your lot is to be an inspiration to other

00:50:43.040 people. And you're not going to be, if we don't grow, right? Here's a perfect example. I have a,

00:50:49.520 my oldest son is the most saintly kid I know. Hearing loss at birth. And at this point, he's

00:50:57.560 probably about 3% vision. He can't look at your eyes in a conversation with him. It's gotten bad

00:51:03.240 enough. He can look at my eyes or my mouth, but he can't see both. Hmm. How is that fair to him?

00:51:10.120 How's it fair? He's did nothing wrong, but yet he'll never, well, he has driven a car only because

00:51:18.720 I'm a reckless parent, but you know what I mean? He'll never be a teenager that drove a car. A girl

00:51:25.260 will always question whether, you know, think about dating for him. A girl has to determine that when 1.00

00:51:34.980 they marry him, what they're marrying. You don't think that hurts his chances of, of getting married?

00:51:41.620 Of course. Doesn't hurt his ability to provide for his family. What kind of work that he can do?

00:51:47.260 That's not fair. But, but if he sobs in, in his vehicle, looking at the indicators of how horrible

00:51:54.760 his life is and does nothing about it, then it's wasted. Right? But if he looks at the circumstance

00:52:01.420 and rises above it, maybe his lot is what? An inspiration to me. Right? Maybe his lot puts

00:52:09.940 me in check and puts me go, well, you know what, Kip, stop bitching and moaning because I have my 0.99

00:52:16.660 vision every single morning. I'm reminded on a regular basis that I should be grateful for this

00:52:21.640 one thing that I'm never grateful for. And that is the fact that I have vision.

00:52:25.480 How often have we all woken up in the morning and, and was like ecstatic? Oh my gosh, I can see the

00:52:33.400 world. Amazing. We don't. But imagine if he had his vision tomorrow morning, tomorrow would be the

00:52:42.360 greatest day in his life. But yet we have it every single morning and we never, it's never the greatest

00:52:49.600 state that we have. And maybe, maybe that's his lot to serve as a reminder to us, you know, of really

00:52:57.140 what we should be grateful for. Amen. Hey, one thing I was going to bring this up about the lot in life

00:53:05.620 because I don't want to diminish that story. I just, I, because it's powerful. Um, but I've heard

00:53:12.000 a couple of people say, use this exact verbiage over the past couple of days. Your lot. Yeah.

00:53:16.720 They're stuck with it. Yeah. And I, I, and I, I don't think you're using it the way that I have

00:53:22.180 heard these other people use it. But what I will say is your lot in life, even if you believe it's

00:53:29.400 determined, isn't guaranteed. Yeah. Because you don't know what it is. So you get to decide you get

00:53:39.640 to choose. And I would suggest that if you're feeling down about it, like, well, I guess this is

00:53:45.720 just something I have to deal with. Cause that's usually how people use a lot through hands up

00:53:50.260 with. Yeah. I would suggest to you that your lot in life is to serve other people. And it's to use

00:53:59.820 your circumstances, like your son, use your circumstances to serve other people. That's

00:54:06.420 to me, if we're going to use lot in life, that is everybody's lot in life is to serve.

00:54:11.120 That's what you do with people. Yes. A hundred percent. All right. What's next?

00:54:16.520 Christopher William Baker. What's your favorite spot move guard in jujitsu right now? What are you

00:54:21.860 working on? Those awkward to go switch, but yeah, I, I feel myself going to neon belly quite often

00:54:31.120 into like baseball bat choke is something I'm trying to get more efficient at.

00:54:37.660 Yeah. From top, from neon, from top neon belly to baseball bat choke and trying to hand fight for 0.99

00:54:44.420 that position. Cause people like guys that have trained, like when guys start wrapping your collar

00:54:50.840 up, they know, okay, he's going for a choke. So like how to slip your hands in to get that baseball

00:54:56.240 bat choke. And then I noticed I did it to a guy that I've been training with Eric, uh, fairly new

00:55:02.460 to our gym. He's been training for three or four years. He's a handful, more than a handful. And,

00:55:07.440 uh, you know, I, I tried the baseball bat choke, but he would like wrap his leg around my neck and

00:55:12.920 pull me back. So I'm like, Oh, I got to change that. Cause I can't expose my head that way when I'm

00:55:17.000 doing this baseball bat choke. So the knee, I really liked the neon belly. I think it's, um,

00:55:23.080 well, it's painful. And I think it's a little mean spirited, which I kind of like because you're

00:55:29.500 just trying to drive your knee. Yeah. You're just trying to drive your knee into their solar plex or

00:55:35.260 into their chest as hard as you possibly can. And I kind of like that. I mean, that's a pressure game

00:55:40.160 anyways. So that's what I'm working currently. Yeah. We have a guy, um, Jason South. That's like,

00:55:48.280 that's like his game. His game is yeah. His game's like neon belly the whole time he'll surf. He'll,

00:55:55.700 he'll, he'll, he'll be riding you the whole time. You're, you're shrimping, you're moving. He just

00:55:59.260 switches knees. And the whole time you're just like, ah, what? And it's beautiful, man. It's,

00:56:05.840 it's, it's an art up there. It's, I like that game. Yeah. Actually the other one that I'm working

00:56:11.540 on perspective, you get leverage, like you could be throwing bombs, like it's punches. It's a good

00:56:16.060 space to be. It's a good position, uh, for, for you and me and for a select few of our friends,

00:56:21.960 the other position that I'm really trying to work on is what we affectionately refer to as the perch.

00:56:28.100 So we'll just leave it there. I can't tell you what it is coming out later. Yeah. When you and I

00:56:33.220 roll, just know, I'm going to try to perch. All right. Shout out to Clint and Mike and John,

00:56:41.900 who else was there? There was like six of us, six or seven of us. Taylor Taylor was there.

00:56:47.700 Yeah. Taylor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're working on that as well. Great stuff. Yep.

00:56:53.780 What, what are you working on right now? Um, I, you know, I love dog fight. I've been working

00:57:01.100 that dog fight more. So what do you mean? What do you mean by that? So from a knee shield where you're,

00:57:07.940 where you're hip to hip, knee to knee and, and I have a under hook and most guys are doing a

00:57:14.460 wizard. Got a wizard. Got a wizard. Yep. Is that dog fight? I like getting into that dog fight

00:57:19.900 position. Yeah. From, with that under hook from bottom. Yeah. I like that. And then what's available

00:57:26.780 there? Like there's the triangles from there. Kimora. Yeah. I can see how that sweet. A triangle.

00:57:34.580 Well, you'd pull guard essentially. Right. You'd pull guard and swing your leg around. Yeah. Yeah.

00:57:38.700 Come into the dog fight and then, and then go back for the triangle. Yeah. Yeah. I've been trying to,

00:57:44.400 I don't know. Tell me what you think of this. I've been trying to bait arm drags for back takes.

00:57:51.680 So they'll like, they'll cross over to get to, for an arm drag and I'll time it correct 0.92

00:57:57.920 to get their back, take their back and take their back. So that's, that's one thing I've been working

00:58:03.800 if, if, is to try to actually bait it. Like I'd like you to grab my arm and try to arm drag me and

00:58:09.320 then step around to your back. Yeah. Yeah. So that, that's another thing I've been working to.

00:58:15.600 That's fun. Yeah. Cool. Baby Kola starts wrestling tomorrow. Awesome. How, so how old is he?

00:58:23.600 I'm so excited. He's four or perfect age, man. Perfect age. It's going to be so fun. Like I'm

00:58:31.100 so ecstatic about how this is going to go wrestling, uh, like formal training class wrestling

00:58:40.440 toddlers. Got it. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. And we'll do that for maybe like a year or two. And

00:58:45.740 then, and then, and then we'll slowly get him into jujitsu, but, but they start wrestling at,

00:58:50.820 at four. So I'm like, Oh man, let's do this. Like wrestlers have a huge advantage wrestling with

00:58:56.360 everybody. If you take two guys, both athletic in their own right, one played football, one wrestled,

00:59:01.960 let's say, or one played basketball, one rest or whatever, like a wrestler in jujitsu has a,

00:59:08.080 cause they understand the physiology. They understand some of the moves, like they're the comfort level

00:59:14.980 of being that close to another man is not an issue. I mean, there's a lot of things that,

00:59:19.660 that wrestlers have advantages over when they step into the jujitsu mats.

00:59:24.280 And you know, this, even just from an athlete, athletic perspective, there's a, there's a mindset

00:59:30.440 with wrestlers that just don't exist in other sports. A hundred percent. They've, they've pushed

00:59:36.220 their bodies in ways that other sports athletes have not done and they just show up differently.

00:59:42.600 I don't know. Wrestlers just different. I mean, you just think about,

00:59:47.220 you think about what the objective is compared to other sports. So soccer, kick a little round

00:59:57.180 ball into a net basketball, take a ball, throw it into a hoop and you get a point football,

01:00:02.600 run that, run that ball across that yardage and you score. And if you have more points at the end,

01:00:07.580 you win wrestling, dominate that human being one-on-one and see if you can put his back on

01:00:14.360 the mat. Jiu-jitsu, strangle that guy until he passes out or taps or try to break one of his limbs.

01:00:22.380 It's different. It requires a different mentality. And I'm not saying that football players aren't

01:00:28.320 athletes. Soccer, you know, we can make that argument, but football, basketball. Yeah,

01:00:33.920 sure. Athletic, but there's something different. And that's why it's so humbling.

01:00:38.360 That's why, cause you can't hide behind a team. No, nothing. It is, it is the closest to,

01:00:44.100 it is the closest feeling to mono e mono. I kill you. You kill me. I am, I am better than you,

01:00:53.440 right? Like that's exactly what it is. That's exactly, it's not even close to like, that's what

01:00:58.800 it is. It's a martial art. That's exactly what it is. I can kill you better than you can kill me.

01:01:07.240 Yeah. And that's, I mean, that sucks sometimes.

01:01:11.800 Totally. Yeah. Totally. All right. What's next?

01:01:14.200 All right. Bob Ross, what ways to help your children understand that Christmas is more than presents?

01:01:20.320 I, so yeah, obviously we're in the Christmas season. I, I have thought about this. Obviously,

01:01:27.860 you know, I could give you the answers of read the scriptures, talk about Jesus and you know,

01:01:31.640 all that stuff. And that's accurate. This starts well beyond Christmas though.

01:01:36.700 You know, if you're, if you're having that discussion with your kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

01:01:40.900 If you're having that discussion with your kid about like, Hey, remember, it's not all about the

01:01:45.340 gifts, but what did you open up this? I mean, how are you going to compete with that? You know,

01:01:50.000 when you say it's not about the gifts and then you go out and you spend two grand on gifts and you

01:01:54.860 ritualize this whole opening of gifts in the morning, it's really about the gifts.

01:02:00.900 It's pretty centered. Yeah. It's pretty centered on the gifts. Yeah. Yeah. So I, my wife and I were

01:02:06.580 talking, we actually really liked Christmas this year because it fell on Sunday. And so on Saturday

01:02:12.100 evening, same thing. Did you? Yeah. On Saturday evening, we went to a Christmas Eve worship.

01:02:19.800 That was cool. I don't think I've ever done that before. And then Saturday, or excuse me,

01:02:25.120 Sunday morning, we went to church service and that was nice. Like it was, it was nice. Yeah.

01:02:32.040 My kids are going through in homeschooling with my wife, a program called connected,

01:02:36.980 connected Christmas. And so every day or every lesson, they read a scripture and they have an

01:02:45.680 assignment, they have a craft, and then they had to study some artwork and they have a poem and it's

01:02:50.100 all centered around the message of Christmas as it's told in the Bible. So it's Christmas.

01:02:57.840 It's actually Christmas, Christ mass Christmas. But again, it all starts before the Christmas season.

01:03:05.060 I mean, you got to go to church. You've got to read the scriptures. You've got to pray together

01:03:08.680 as a family. You've got to talk about why Christ is the redeemer of the world. You've got to talk

01:03:12.900 about why his birth is so important. You have to celebrate Easter and talk about the resurrection.

01:03:18.000 You have to actually do all of these things. And then you, you create the traditions and rituals

01:03:24.520 around Christ. Oh, and by the way, presents are also cool and fun and we can do that. And it's

01:03:32.020 giving and it's important, but we keep Christ as the center. Why is there an angel on the tree? Why

01:03:38.820 is there a star? Is it just because it looks pretty? No, it actually means something. There's

01:03:43.760 a reason we use the star or the angel on top of the tree. What is it? Why do we give gifts? Where

01:03:49.680 did that originate? Yeah. I like it. William, Matt Cofer. How do I start finding a dream or goal?

01:04:01.220 I'm having a really hard time finding a purpose. I have a career. I fairly, a fairly decent one,

01:04:07.640 but it's not something to push towards. I know I'm supposed to be doing something different,

01:04:12.760 but I have no idea what or how to find it. I would suggest without knowing you that you are

01:04:19.800 not being as good a steward over your current position and resources that you currently are

01:04:25.060 or, or could be like magnifying what's, what is right now. I mean, listen, listen to what,

01:04:33.540 listen to what he said. He said, I'm in a current, I'm in a current position, but it's,

01:04:37.980 I know it's not important or so. What did he say? I want, I want to hear it again. I'm going to,

01:04:41.440 um, I have his career. I fairly decent one, but it's not something to push towards.

01:04:46.600 What, what does that mean? It's not something to push towards. Sure. It is. Of course it is.

01:04:52.420 What do you mean? I don't even know what you do. And I have no idea what you mean.

01:04:58.060 You're there. You want to be there. Now, maybe you just want to be there for the paycheck and I can

01:05:02.740 understand that, but you do want to be there for a reason. It's not something to push towards.

01:05:08.520 So what are you going to do? Run away from it? Run towards what? You don't know. Cause that's

01:05:14.500 what you're asking. So I would suggest that the first thing that you do is get rid of that nonsense

01:05:21.400 about this is not something to push towards. Cause when I hear that, I hear this is not something I

01:05:26.100 want to exert my resources and effort towards. That's not a good way to live. You're there.

01:05:31.600 Okay. And I don't know if you're going to be there for a month, a year, a 10 year, 10 years, or for the

01:05:36.740 rest of your life, but you are there. Imagine saying that in a relationship. Hey man, I'm just not really

01:05:41.660 happy in my relationship. And I just don't want to push myself anymore. What a horrible thing to say.

01:05:48.100 Like you're there. Why don't you try to magnify it to say what you just said? Why don't you try to

01:05:55.580 really exert yourself? Why don't you try to make the most of it, create new opportunities,

01:06:00.600 create new programs, look for problems, come up with solutions, serve other people, show up early,

01:06:07.800 leave late. Like you're there. And I'm not saying for the other company, I'm saying for you do all of

01:06:14.780 those things that happen to serve the company, but it's for you and your family. And you know what

01:06:19.220 happens when you exert yourself? Things. That's what happens when you exert yourself, things happen.

01:06:28.700 So you're going to start exerting yourself fully at this job. And then somebody is going to walk in

01:06:34.500 and they're going to say, Hey, you know what? We're actually hiring over here and we're looking for

01:06:38.620 a sales manager. And I have just been so impressed with the way that you've shown up for the past six

01:06:43.920 months on our current account. Are you interested in applying or interviewing for this job?

01:06:49.680 That won't happen if your attitude is, there's nothing to push towards. It doesn't happen.

01:06:57.180 Things start happening when you become the greatest possible steward over your own resources.

01:07:02.300 People will say all the time, Oh man, if I just, I just wish I had more money.

01:07:06.420 Why? You can't even manage the money that you have. What makes you think you're going to manage

01:07:10.740 more of it? It's harder. It's harder to manage more money. It requires a different skillset

01:07:17.040 than you currently possess. So I would submit that if you want to make more money, then you learn how

01:07:23.900 to get out of debt. You learn how to be frugal. You learn how to track your expenses. You learn how

01:07:29.060 not to buy things that you can't afford to take a clip from Steve Martin. If you haven't watched that

01:07:34.260 little clip from Steve Martin on Saturday Night Live, don't buy things you can't afford. You should

01:07:38.160 listen to that. It's funny and hilarious and true. And when you get a hold of your finances,

01:07:45.140 then the world or karma or the universe or the muse or God will say, I can see that he handles that

01:07:54.860 pretty well. Let's see how he does with a little bit more. Yeah. And you will always be given more

01:08:01.520 if you magnify what you currently have. Always. I love this so much, Ryan. And I can't, you know,

01:08:10.060 I look at the stories that you've shared about how, because I think you're acting in your purpose,

01:08:16.420 right? There's good alignment between your job and what you love and your natural talents.

01:08:22.300 That was made possible through a job that you had that you weren't enjoying. And you were like,

01:08:28.880 how do I do this really, really well? And through that process, you found interest, passion,

01:08:36.820 skills got presented, natural talents got presented and alignment starts happening.

01:08:43.000 And it's the same for me. Like I'm a computer guy, right? I went to school

01:08:49.740 for computer information systems, right? I was supposed to be a programmer.

01:08:54.480 I'm in a part of my life where I'm the furthest that I would have ever imagined from programming.

01:09:03.100 But that was only made possible because I showed up as a programmer or in a unique way that was aligned

01:09:09.440 with my talents. And someone went, geez, Kip, you know, you're really kind of good at these other

01:09:14.080 things and maybe not so good at programming. You know what I mean? And let's like make some natural

01:09:20.080 transitions and they just kind of happen. And, and it's amazing. Like, at least from my perspective,

01:09:26.680 I can't even, I can't help, but even look at my current employees on my team and the best employees

01:09:37.020 and the best people. It's not necessarily always the skillset. It's their work ethic. It's how they

01:09:46.260 show up. It's their passion. It's their humility. Those are the kinds of people that you latch onto

01:09:53.460 as a manager and you go, man, I know I could give him anything. And he would excel at it because the

01:10:00.520 way he works, opportunities just blow up for those kinds of people. And I, and I'm just saying the same

01:10:06.480 thing you're already saying, Ryan, just a slightly different way. I just, I can't help, but,

01:10:10.520 but see the evidence in so many areas of my life and your life and my life where, where

01:10:16.240 opportunities to us for quote unquote purpose and alignment was pretty much set through good work

01:10:23.200 ethic and having passion and doing what was given to us and addressing and, and tackling what has been

01:10:30.620 our current lot or our current jobs and positions. So what's this, what's this gentleman's name?

01:10:36.900 Uh, shoot. William Koffer. So William, here's my challenge to you. And this will go back to

01:10:45.020 that accountability question that we had from earlier. Here's my challenge to you. I know you're

01:10:49.520 not asking for accountability, but you're asking for an answer. And I think this will help.

01:10:53.700 My challenge to you is that it's December, by the time this will be released, it's December 28th.

01:10:59.880 So that means we're, let's just say January 1st, January, February, March. My challenge to you

01:11:06.060 is that at the end of March. So March 31st is that you submit another question in this queue for this

01:11:14.460 podcast. And you tell us that you have exerted yourself fully. You have magnified it. You have

01:11:23.040 looked for problems. You've come up with solutions. You've served other people. You've taught,

01:11:27.800 you've trained, you've served, you've done all of it as best you can in your current position for the

01:11:33.560 next 90 days. You can do that for 90 days. And then you come back to us and you report your

01:11:39.440 findings. Is your life better? Is it worse? Is it the same? Is it like, tell us everything. How do

01:11:45.620 you feel? Any opportunities present themselves? Did you get fired? Like, tell us what actually

01:11:50.800 happened. We want to know what happened in that 90 days, but you have to commit to fully exerting

01:11:56.200 yourself for 90 days. You can do that. I like that. All right, man, let's wrap it up.

01:12:03.580 All right, gentlemen. So you call the action. Really? You have roughly about a week or so

01:12:09.400 to join us in the iron council. This is our exclusive brotherhood. This is where you get

01:12:16.640 out of the spectator. I love using that analogy. Get out of the bleachers, stop watching the basketball

01:12:21.680 game. Join us on the court. Be an active participant in your life. Band with like-minded

01:12:27.060 men. That is a guarantee. The men in the iron council, and Ryan was alluding to this earlier,

01:12:32.680 the guys in the iron council are there because they're committed to becoming better men. We're

01:12:38.560 on different paths, different levels of success. But one thing you're certainly going to get is

01:12:43.140 like-minded men. We don't have that problem at all. And, and it's, it's so powerful what we have

01:12:50.480 in the iron council battle teams meet at different times. You have plenty of options to work within

01:12:56.160 your schedules and be part of a battle team where you're holding each other accountable. You're

01:13:00.940 committing, um, to, uh, showing up more powerfully and in, in, in this coming quarter and, and have

01:13:08.400 guys that are willing to stand for you in a very powerful way. So go to order of man.com slash iron

01:13:13.360 council to join us. And we'll be starting roughly in about a week, uh, in that particular cohort. So

01:13:20.960 join us and get, get rolling. Other than that, connect with Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter

01:13:26.560 at Ryan Mickler. And that's it. That's all I got. Awesome. Thank you, Kip. Appreciate you, man. Always

01:13:34.600 do a great job. And it's always a good time talking with you. Cause I learned things from you too. So

01:13:38.020 powerful stuff guys. I hope that helped. I hope we answered some questions. Uh, you have your

01:13:42.900 marching orders, especially for William, I believe was his name. Yep. You, you have been specifically

01:13:47.600 been called out. So I hope that you take us up on that challenge. Cause I know it'll serve your life

01:13:52.180 well. And for the rest of you go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:13:56.820 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:14:01.460 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:14:08.020 Thank you.

Target Fixation, Why Finding Purpose Doesn't Work, and Love Through Service and Sacrifice ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Order of Man

Target Fixation, Why Finding Purpose Doesn&#x27;t Work, and Love Through Service and Sacrifice ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Target Fixation, Why Finding Purpose Doesn't Work, and Love Through Service and Sacrifice ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING