The 5 Greatest Threats to Your Own Well-Being ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
In this episode of the Order of Man Podcast, Ryan Michler talks about the threats that lie within you and how to deal with them. He also gives you a chance to win a brand new pair of 100% made and sourced in America Originals Originals.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.
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I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast, and of course, this movement that's
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been going for, well, nearly seven years now. I want to first and foremost, thank you for joining
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us, whether you're here for the past seven years or seven hours or seven minutes, more like seven
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seconds. Regardless, we're glad you're here. Guys, it's my mission to reclaim and restore masculinity
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to a time and a place when men were men, people in society appreciated it, and we were strong and
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bold and courageous and willing to do what needed to be done to ensure our own way of life and the
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way of life for the people that we love and care about. I do see some resurgence of masculinity in
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society today, and that's good because obviously there's a whole lot of problems, a whole slew of
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problems that we have to deal with, but I'm not going to actually talk with you about that today
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because you know what it is, and every other podcast out there is talking about all the problems
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and challenges, and you can jump on social media as easily as I can and see how horrible everything
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is and why the world around us is crumbling, and some of that is actually true, but what I want to
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talk about with you today is some threats that reside inside of you, things that are entirely within
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your control that might expose you or make you vulnerable to some real obstacles and challenges
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and growth and success and progress in your life and the lives of the people that you care about.
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We're going to get into that in just a minute. Before I do, I want to mention really quickly that we have
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a big, big drawing taking place right now. What we're doing is we're looking for iTunes rating and reviews.
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A lot of you guys have left those ratings and reviews, and I really appreciate that. That goes
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a very long way in promoting what we're doing here, and of course, this is a grassroots movement.
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I haven't poured a bunch of money into advertising and doing all that kind of thing. I don't bring on
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a bunch of sponsors and things like that and a bunch of nonsense that you guys aren't interested in,
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but I would ask for some help because I don't do that. We're trying to grow this in a grass
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movement type way, and we've done very good up to this point. But guys, what we're looking for right
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now is for you to leave a rating and review on iTunes. That's it. That's a very simple thing
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for you to do. It might seem so simple that you're like, ah, it's not a big deal. It's a big deal
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if 10,000 of you do it. And so, I'm going to bribe you in a bit of a way. Hopefully, you'll
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go on and leave that rating and review. The giveaway is this. I'm giving away a signed
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copy of my latest book. My last book, I should say, the newest one's coming out later this year,
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but my last book, Sovereignty, The Battle for the Hearts and Minds of Men. I'm giving away a brand
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new Montana knife company, Magna Cut stainless steel speed goat knife, 100% made in America.
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America. I'm giving away a brand new pair of 100% made and sourced in America origin boots and the
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origin heavy hoodie, one that's not even been released to the public yet, by the way, the OD
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green version. And I'm also giving away a pair, a set of 50 pound Soranex 100% made and sourced in
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America center mass bells for one lucky winner at the end of this month. All you need to do is leave
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that iTunes rating and review, take a screenshot of it and email brandy, B-R-A-N-D-Y at orderofman.com
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and you will be entered into the drawing. Again, signed copy of Sovereignty, the Magna Cut stainless
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steel speed goat knife, origin boots, origin heavy hoodie that has not yet been released to the public
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and also a pair of 50 pound center mass bells from Soranex. Thanks to those companies and people
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who support what we're doing here. That's it. All right, go do it. You know what you need to do.
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Let's get into the conversation. Again, these are not external threats to your own wellbeing.
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And there are plenty. We'll talk about some of them. We have talked about some of them,
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but what I'm talking about today is the internal threats that we need to deal with first, because
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the more that a greater amount of us deal with the internal threats, the external threats begin to
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take care of themselves because we're going to be bold and courageous and motivated and driving
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towards creating solutions and being men of honor and strength. So those external threats will begin
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to work themselves out because we're taking care of ourselves internally. So I've got five things I
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want to share with you today. Number one, the first, and I think probably the most important
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threat to deal with is your own ego. And when I say your own ego, I don't want it to feel like I'm pointing
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fingers. Guys, the things I say are just as much for me as they are for anybody else. My ego gets in the way.
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I create problems that don't need to exist. I get defensive. I tend to take offense faster than I need
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to. And that's a problem. It's a problem for me and it's a problem for you. And the more that you can learn
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to let go of being offended, let go of taking offense to everything, let go of the need and
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the desire to be right all the time, and instead humble yourself enough to learn from credible and
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qualified people and to take things to heart that are intended to do you good, the better off you're
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going to be. Now, one of the things I've been thinking about a lot on this subject lately is that
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it's very easy for us to interpret something that somebody might say as negative critique or hostility
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or a, as popular culture would say it, a microaggression. It might not be any of that,
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actually. It might be that somebody just isn't that great at communication.
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And we all struggle with communication from time to time. And one little effort I'm being conscious
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of and aware of is trying to evaluate and analyze what somebody is saying, the message that they're
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trying to convey and placing more weight and emphasis on that rather than the how they deliver
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it because we all suck at delivery from time to time. Guys, it's very, very important that you
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drop the ego, that you drop the pride, that you let go of the need to be right, that you let go of
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the need to look like an expert all the time, that you're willing to put yourself in uncomfortable
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situations and that you're willing to be a novice and you're willing to try new things and you're
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willing to be open and receptive to new ideas and thoughts that may threaten your current way of doing
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things. Again, I'm not pointing fingers at you as much as I'm pointing fingers at myself. This is
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something I need to work on. And I acknowledge that my ego has a way of becoming my own worst enemy.
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Number two, a great threat here is complacency. We live in a relative ease of modernity. Things are
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pretty comfortable. Things are pretty easy. You want food? You go to the grocery store. You want to turn up
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the heat? You turn up the heat on the thermostat in your house. In fact, I've got a little heater.
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You can't see it. It's just literally right down here because I like to be warm. And so, I turn this
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little heater on right by my desk when I do my work in the middle of winter in Maine because I want to
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be warm. And that's a nice little creature comfort. But at times, these types of things make us
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complacent. They make life so easy. There's no challenges. There's no hardship. There's no
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struggle. Now, I realize that some of you may be struggling with finances or a relationship or some
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of these things. And I respect that. I acknowledge that. But also, you're not going to die. You know,
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the odds of you dealing with a violent encounter or the odds of you having to fight for your life or the
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odds of you starving to death are infinitesimally small compared to what they used to be 100, 500,
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1,000 years ago. And so, it's very easy for us to get in this default mode, this coasting mode.
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And I think this is something that high achievers tend to fall into as well. I've done fairly well
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for myself and what we've created here with Order of Man over the past seven years now.
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And it's easy for me to think that I have it all figured out. And because I, quote, unquote,
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have it all figured out, well, you know, there's nothing else for me to learn. And I've figured out
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the formula for success and satisfaction and fulfillment in my life. And, you know, as soon as I start to
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live by that, I start to slip. There's no cruise control. You can't just set your life on cruise
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control and hope that you're going to maintain the status quo. It's been said that you're always going to
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get out ahead or you're always going to fall behind, but there's no neutral. So, you're either
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slipping or you're growing. Which one is it? And if you've had success in your life, then complacency
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is easy to fall into. By the way, if you have not had success in your life, complacency is also
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easy to fall into. You might resign yourself to your current standard of living. You might resign
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yourself to saying, this is just the way it is. This is the status quo. This is my lot in life. This is
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the hand I was dealt. And so, you throw up your hands and you pretend like there's nothing you
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can do about it. Well, there is. I guarantee you there is. And I know that because there was
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something I could do about it. And I didn't come from a rich and wealthy family. I don't have any
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more talent or skill than any one of you. I've developed some skills over the past seven years
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that have helped me achieve the level of success that I have. But that isn't something that was
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naturally granted or afforded to me. Those are things that I worked my tail off for to improve
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in my own life. And if I can do it, you certainly can do it. You certainly, with 100% certainty
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and not a doubt in my mind, can absolutely do what it is you want to do. But you got to get out of
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this place of complacency. You can't be satisfied with where you are and you got to be willing to do
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the work. And if you're on the other side of that, meaning that you've had a lot of success in
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your life, congratulations. Keep going. Don't stop. Don't rely on what you've done. It's been
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said that what got you here won't get you there. That's true in my experience.
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That you're going to need to try something different if you want to reach a new height,
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you want to reach new elevations. Number three, conformity. Conformity is a great risk.
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Everybody wants you to conform. They all want you to do it their way. They all want you to see it
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the way that you see it. They want you to do it the way that you want it to be done.
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And within reason, we should conform to some degree, assimilate, right? We should assimilate
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to the culture. We should respect those that we're trying to be around. But at the same time,
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how boring would it be if we were all the same, if we believe the same and we said the same and we
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acted the same? And I'll tell you what, the reason that we've had enough success with Order of Man to
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not only take this full time, but to create a life that I didn't know five, six, seven years ago was
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possible is because I decided that I wasn't going to conform, that I wasn't going to say things the
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way that everybody else did, that I wasn't going to worry about people being offended or upset about
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the words that I was using and the message that I was sharing. And I was going to share it my own
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way. And even to this day, and it won't stop, by the way, I have people openly criticize and mock
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and ridicule what we're doing and why we're doing it. Now, look, I try to take that for what it's
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worth. Again, that goes back to maybe it's just poor delivery, but some people just despise it. But I
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refuse to conform to other people's way of doing things. Now, if it's somebody I respect, somebody I
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admire, somebody that I can learn from, somebody that I can grow from, somebody I've hired to train
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or coach or mentor me, that's one thing. But I'm talking about the public court of opinion
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that says, well, oh, you can't say that and you can't talk about this and you shouldn't address that
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and you shouldn't do this and you're a misogynist and you're a sexist and you're a homophobe and like
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all these things that people say. You can say those things. I know who I am inside, but I'm not going
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to conform. I'm not going to be boring. I'm not going to be mundane. I'm not going to say it the
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way that you say it. I'm completely comfortable with who I am. Are you? I don't know, but I want
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you to be. I want to give you permission and you don't need that by the way, but I want to give you
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permission or a reason to be yourself fully. You know, we look around at these people on social media
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and we think, oh, well, you know, I want to be just like Jocko or I want to be just like Andy
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Frisilla or I want to be like Goggins or I want to be like Cam Haynes and make no mistake. There's
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some very redeeming qualities about those men. In a lot of ways, I admire and respect those men.
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I've talked with every single one of those guys individually and personally, and I can tell you
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there's a lot to respect, but I don't want to be them. I don't want to say everything like they say.
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I don't want to do everything they do. I have my own dreams and desires. I have my own lens
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in which I look at life through, and I'm not going to water down my message and I'm not going
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to water down who I am and I'm not going to change who I am so I can get your validation or anybody
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else's. And ironically, the more that you water down who you are to try to conform, the less
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influence, the less likable you actually are because people see right through it.
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But the more you stand on your own two feet, the more you plant your flag, the more you talk about
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the things that you want to talk about, the more quirks and weirdness and oddities that you have
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that you fully embrace and you begin to share, the more likable you become to the right people.
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Not everybody. There's not a single soul on earth who's liked by everybody.
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You take Jesus Christ, for example, who was the greatest man to ever walk the earth,
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and yet he's hated. He's one of the most widely hated people in all of history.
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Okay. So you could be doing and saying all the right things and you're still going to get hate.
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You could be doing and saying all the wrong things and you're still going to get hate. So you might as
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well do it your way and not conform and not be boring and not be mundane and not be the clone of
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whoever it is that you think you want to emulate. Number four, guys, communication. This is a risk,
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or I should say lack thereof. Your lack of ability to communicate effectively.
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It's your inability to communicate with the people that you love. It's your inability to
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communicate when things are rubbing you the wrong way. I've had some very serious conversations with
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men inside of our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council over the past couple of days.
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And I've been tempted to not share some things and not bring up a discussion because I know
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how it's going to go, but you know what? That's what men do. They communicate effectively and they
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have these conversations and they address things assertively, not necessarily aggressively,
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but certainly not passively, but they're assertive about it.
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They're willing to have hard conversations. They're willing to have tough discussions.
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They're willing to share what's on their mind. They're willing to communicate with other people.
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Are you willing to do that? Because if you're not, I can almost guarantee that you're not getting
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your way. And it is important for you to get your way, not at the expense of other people,
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but man, you have dreams and desires and goals and objectives and ambitions and things you want
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to accomplish and missions you want to pursue and fulfillment that you want to find. And if you
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can't open your mouth about that and you can't communicate that and cast vision to other people,
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your wife, your kids, your colleagues, your coworkers, your neighbors, people in your circle,
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you're not going to fully live the life that you're meant to live. And I understand it's scary.
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You know, there's a real risk every time you open your mouth. I've done, I think, 850 plus
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episodes of this podcast at this point. And every time I open my mouth, there's a risk that I'm going
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to say something that somebody else doesn't agree with. There's also a risk. I'm going to say
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something I actually don't believe because sometimes I'm just sitting here and I'm just
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thinking out loud. And then I say something dumb because our minds are all over the place
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and I don't catch it till later. Somebody else calls me on it. And there's a risk associated with that.
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But I'm okay with that. I need to be willing to accept that risk in order to achieve what I want to
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achieve. Because the last thing I want is to be somebody who sits on the sidelines and doesn't
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share their perspective and doesn't share their opinion and doesn't share what they want or doesn't
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share what's bothering them. And then everybody else gets what they want at my expense. I want to be
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part of that game. I don't want to get at their expense. I don't want them to get at my expense. I want
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us all to win. As it's been said, a rising tide lifts all boats. I want everybody to win.
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And in order to do that, I'm going to need to communicate with my wife, with my children,
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with my coworkers, with my clients. When things are on my mind, I'm going to communicate them.
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Now, you need to communicate them as well. And you need to learn how to do that and have hard
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conversations and difficult discussions. And it's hard at first, but it gets easier because you
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realize it's not as hard as you're making out to be. And the last point that I want to share with
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you guys, and this one has to, has to be reiterated over and over again. Set your boundaries, gentlemen.
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Set your boundaries. Because the risk is that you don't have any boundaries in place.
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And you let everybody walk all over you and you don't know what you want and you don't know what
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you're after and you don't know what you'll tolerate or what you won't tolerate. And then
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everybody will railroad you and walk all over you and treat you like garbage, not out of malicious
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intent for the most part, but because they're self-absorbed, just like we all are. So you need to speak up,
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like I just said, and you need to establish the boundaries. Here's what I want. Here's what I'm
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willing to tolerate. Here's what I'm not willing to tolerate. Here's how I expect to be treated.
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If you don't treat me that way, here's what I do. Here's how I handle this. Like I just said,
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I had a couple of conversations with some men in the iron council, and these are the kinds of
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conversations that we had on both parts, on both sides of the equation. I shared my perspective.
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Other people shared their perspective and there was a mutual level of respect. And I understand
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boundaries for them better. They understand boundaries for me better. And we're all better
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off for it. No hate, no hostility, no animosity, because we have the balls to A, have the conversation
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and B, maybe even before A, if that was possibility, is that we know what our boundaries are. We know how
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we're going to be treated. We know what to expect. And we communicate those things. And when we fail to
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communicate those things, like we often do, we go back and we communicate them and then we uphold
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them. Right? So if you have a boundary with your wife about the way that she's going to treat you
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or talk to you, and I do, by the way, and she does as well, and she's called me on it, then I,
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first I need to communicate, Hey, this is how I expect to be treated. And you're not treating me the
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way that I expect to be treated. That's communication. That's setting the boundary.
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Okay. Then, so you communicate, you set it, you communicate it with her or him or whoever it is.
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And then you uphold it. When somebody steps over the line, then you uphold it. Hey,
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I told you, this is not how this is going to go down. I appreciate what you're saying. I appreciate
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what you're bringing to the table. I appreciate your concern, but this is the way that you're going
00:20:48.760
to bring it up with me. And if you're not going to bring it up with me like this, then we're not
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going to have this discussion. That's how a man upholds his boundaries. It's not comfortable.
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It's not easy. When you start, it gets easier because you take pride in being somebody worth
00:21:09.880
being respected. And you know what? Also people respect you more. If you do it with tact,
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like you don't have to be a dick about it, but if you do it with tact, you communicate a boundary
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and uphold that boundary with tact, people respect that more. And you walk away with an elevated level
00:21:25.960
of influence, not an undermined level of influence. Guys, we could go on and on all day about all the
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internal threats that you're experiencing that might keep you from doing what you want to do.
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But I think this list pretty well encapsulates just about 90% of our problems. This is the low
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hanging fruit. And it's also the fruit that's going to move the needle the furthest.
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I want you to win. I want you to thrive. I want you to lead your families. I want you to lead
00:21:50.280
yourself. I want you to start businesses. I want you to lose weight. I want you to communicate with
00:21:55.320
your families. I want you to have influence with other people. I want you to move the needle in the
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right direction. I want you to accomplish your goals and desires and objectives. I want all of that
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for you. And I don't want you to become your own worst enemy as we all do. Yes. External threats face
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us. You know what they are. We deal with them every day. You're constantly bombarded with those
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things. And I'm not trying to dismiss them. They're important. In fact, we'll probably do a
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podcast on some of those external threats. But for now, let's deal with the things that we can
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absolutely 100% control. And that's the internal threats. Number one, your ego. Number two, your level
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of complacency. Number three, your conformity with what everybody else says what you should be doing and
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why you should be doing it. Number four, your communication or lack thereof. And then number
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five, your boundaries or again, your lack thereof. Establish these things, address these things,
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improve in these departments. And I guarantee that your life will get better on every front.
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Ego, complacency, conformity, communication, and boundaries. I hope that helps guys. Remember as we
00:23:05.420
sign off today that we've got the rating and review drawing at the end of this month, February 28th,
00:23:10.320
we're giving away a signed copy of Sovereignty. We're giving away the brand new Montana Knife Company
00:23:16.220
Magna Cut Stainless Steel Speed Goat Knife. We're giving away a brand new pair of Origin boots and the
00:23:22.640
heavy hoodie that has not yet been released to the public. And we're also giving away a pair of 50 pound
00:23:28.400
center mass bells from my friends over at Sorenex. You got to leave an iTunes rating review,
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not Google, not Android, not Spotify, not iHeartRadio, not Pandora. We're doing an iTunes
00:23:40.720
rating and review right now. Then take a screenshot of that rating and review, email it to brandy,
00:23:47.060
B-R-A-N-D-Y, at orderofman.com, and you are automatically entered. That's all I've got for
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you today, guys. We'll be back next week. Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man
00:23:59.460
you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take
00:24:04.480
charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order