Order of Man - The 5 Rules Every Man Must Follow ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 If there's a difficult conversation that you need to have, I'm afraid, I'm scared, I'm worried, 0.99

00:00:06.000 then you're being a loser. You're not being the man that you can be. Now there's a right and wrong 0.99

00:00:10.960 way to do it. You can have those conversations with kindness to go back to point number three.

00:00:15.780 You can have those conversations with discernment to go back to point number four. But if you can't

00:00:20.780 have a real conversation with your wife about the way that she's showing up or with your employee

00:00:26.720 about the way that they're performing or underperforming, then what kind of man are you?

00:00:33.260 Men, we all know that guy who is strong, who is capable, who is successful, who is bold,

00:00:40.540 who is courageous, who has the life, who has the income, who has the wealth, who has the connections,

00:00:45.800 who has all of the things that you and I want as men. And most of us chalk that up to the X factor.

00:00:53.740 That guy has it. That guy has the X factor. You can feel it when the guy walks in the room.

00:01:01.320 There's a palpable difference in the way that the people around him communicate, how they respond,

00:01:08.640 how they react, how they behave. And while most of us spend our times spinning our wheels about how that

00:01:17.760 man has this unattainable X factor, it really is a very simple formula that too many men in my

00:01:27.400 summation, in my analyzing this over a decade of doing this work have overlooked. And the X factor,

00:01:39.100 which is this mystical force that so many men just have innately and that so many men can't obtain

00:01:47.620 through their efforts. It's not that at all. It's a very simple formula. It's a formula that you can

00:01:54.020 incorporate in your life to be more influential, to be more bold, to be more courageous, to have more

00:02:00.520 of what you want, to inspire others, to achieve your dreams and your desires and your outcomes. And there's

00:02:08.760 really just about five things, five mindsets that you need to incorporate in your life to have the type of

00:02:17.100 life that you want, the relationship that you desire, the wealth that you're seeking, the career aspirations

00:02:25.440 that you're pursuing, and the kind of life that you wish you would have that you thought might be

00:02:31.600 reserved for other individuals. I mean, how many of you have just sat on the sidelines of life and watched

00:02:36.880 other men who you perceive as lesser than you have the women, have the money, have the career, have the

00:02:47.040 fulfillment, have the joy, have the satisfaction, have the thrill and the excitement of life. If you really

00:02:53.720 believe they're inferior, why is it that you are not achieving at least at a minimum what they are, let

00:03:01.220 alone a whole lot more? Today, I'm going to share with you five rules that I believe if we strip

00:03:07.420 everything else away that every man must follow if he hopes to achieve some level of this x factor that

00:03:16.140 we believe exists on this unobtainable spiritual plane that is just granted and bestowed to the few

00:03:26.620 lucky ones who roam the earth. It's not that at all. Let's talk about the formula. Number one, be strong.

00:03:32.980 All right, that's first and foremost. You have to be strong. Strong men are better men. And heaven forbid,

00:03:40.140 dare I say that those men who are strong are better men. That's the reality. And I'm not talking about

00:03:47.600 worth as individuals. I'm talking about your worth as a husband, your worth as a father, your worth as a

00:03:54.540 business owner, your worth in the community, your worth as a politician, your worth is fill in the

00:04:00.000 blank with whatever capacity that you're showing up in. If you're strong, you're better. Now, I'm not just

00:04:07.100 talking about physical strength because I know plenty of men who might be physically strong who

00:04:14.480 don't have the morality that is attached to it. Andrew Tate is somebody who comes to mind. That's

00:04:20.280 an individual who obviously has some skill set, obviously is very fit. He looks great, but he lacks

00:04:26.800 any sort of moral strength and courage. He just goes to and fro as the doctrine of popular culture

00:04:34.560 dictates. And he says outlandish things to get people riled up, but he's not a strong individual

00:04:41.020 in the trifecta of mental, emotional, and the physical realm. You take somebody like Nick Fuentes,

00:04:49.120 who is just a physical weakling, an absolute weakling. And maybe he's got some intelligence.

00:04:57.760 I won't deny that, but he certainly isn't the trifecta of what it means to be a man. And the

00:05:04.640 trifecta is physical, mental, and emotional. Nick Fuentes is highly emotionally dysregulated,

00:05:12.980 but he's not physically strong. He's not mentally strong. He has one aspect down really, really well.

00:05:23.560 And the guys like Nick Fuentes and the guys like Andrew Tate work really well in the realm of social

00:05:29.060 media. But in life, these aren't individuals that we strive to be. These aren't the kind of fathers

00:05:34.140 that we want to be. These aren't the kind of husbands that we want to be. These aren't the

00:05:37.680 kind of leaders in our communities that we want to be. And it requires the trifecta. You need to go to

00:05:43.020 work physically on yourself every single day, feeling your body correctly, going to work out,

00:05:47.860 getting strong, getting fit, getting lean, getting jacked. You need to regulate your emotions. We'll

00:05:55.440 talk about that here in the next step. And mentally, you need to be developing your mind,

00:06:01.420 learning new things, considering alternative perspectives, debating thoughtfully, asking

00:06:11.060 powerful questions, going to courses, going to conferences, listening to podcasts that might

00:06:19.620 serve you based on what your objectives are. There's a trifecta here. Being physically strong

00:06:26.140 is not enough. You're the jock. You might be physically strong. You might be good to look at

00:06:31.560 by all the ladies. All the ladies might want to be with you. All the guys might want to be like you.

00:06:36.300 But at the end of the day, you're a mental midget. Emotionally, you might be a beacon of stability for 1.00

00:06:43.900 your family, but you couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag. Nobody's interested in that.

00:06:51.380 Mentally, you might be a juggernaut. You might have the highest IQ ever recorded in history.

00:07:01.640 And if you're a weenie, and you're a coward, and you're a weakling, nobody cares about all of that 0.99

00:07:10.440 education and all of that knowledge if you can't lead them to a better place. Guys, we as men need 0.99

00:07:16.540 to be strong in the trifecta of masculinity, physical, mental, and emotional. Number two,

00:07:20.840 I'm going to dive deeper into the emotional realm because you, as a rule, need to be emotionally

00:07:27.820 stable. I think that oftentimes we might look at and we're perceived as being physically dominant,

00:07:36.140 physically aggressive. I've talked with so many men, or excuse me, women who believe that men are

00:07:42.820 scary. You know, daughters who believe that their fathers are scary. Wives who believe that their

00:07:48.420 husbands are scary. And although we are physically bigger in general than our female counterparts, 0.99

00:07:56.780 I don't think it's the physicality so much that scares women as much as it is the uncertainty of

00:08:03.840 what they might be confronting. If your wife is concerned or questions which version of you she

00:08:14.280 gets when you get home at the end of the day, that's not a stable emotional environment.

00:08:19.720 If your wife has to condition or program your kids to give quote-unquote daddy some space when

00:08:29.160 he gets home because she doesn't know how you'll show up, that's not an environment conducive to the

00:08:34.920 type of man that I believe you want to become. And I use these examples because I've been this man

00:08:39.980 in my life. I've been the guy who shows up in a very lackluster way, to put it minimally. I've showed up

00:08:47.880 in a way that's emotionally volatile. I've showed up in a way that my people, whether it's my wife,

00:08:54.720 my ex-wife at this point, or my kids, or my friends and my clients, they don't know what version of me

00:09:01.260 they're going to get. And my job is to be the bedrock emotionally. My job is to create emotional

00:09:07.880 regulation. When she is freaking out and stressed out and frustrated, it's my job to be calm, cool,

00:09:14.120 and collected. When my kids are frustrated about how school is going and how life is and breakups as

00:09:24.900 young kids, it's my job to be the stability, the beacon of strength. And if I'm so emotionally

00:09:35.440 dysregulated that I fly off the handle at any little thing, or I get frustrated about the simplest of 0.99

00:09:43.220 setbacks or any little variable in my schedule completely throws me off and I lose my, my crap, 0.97

00:09:52.920 like that's, that's not the kind of man that I have a desire to be. You got to create margin and space in

00:09:58.660 your life. You'd have to be the bedrock. And so when your wife comes to you and says, she's having a hard

00:10:03.320 day, you don't need to lose your cool and tell her all the things that she's doing wrong. Just

00:10:07.180 listen for a second. Just shut up and listen. If she's dealing with something difficult within the 1.00

00:10:14.220 family dynamic, just be quiet and listen. If your kids are struggling with work, with school, or their

00:10:22.700 grades, or with a bully, or with a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, just be quiet and listen. If you're

00:10:30.240 confronting some financial challenge at work, you don't need to blab about that everywhere and dump

00:10:36.060 it all on your wife or your kids, just be quiet and get to work. You know, talk with that about 0.99

00:10:42.660 with your, with your friends, but you don't need to dump that on your family. They're relying on you

00:10:48.280 to be emotionally secure. And even if you do happen to share it with your significant other, which I

00:10:53.720 think that's warranted in times and under the right circumstances, you don't need to cry on her

00:10:59.440 shoulder. You don't need to wallow in your own self-pity. Tell her what's going on and then tell

00:11:05.380 her what your solution is. Be emotionally stable. Number three, be kind. Just be a decent human being.

00:11:14.020 Hold a door for people. Open the door for her when you go on a date. Say please and thank you. Offer a

00:11:22.920 smile to someone. When somebody may be frustrated, maybe somebody cuts you off on the road. You don't

00:11:29.620 need to drive by them and flip them off, which is certainly something I've done. Just, just be

00:11:33.860 gracious and be kind. Now, I don't want you to confuse kindness with weakness. I don't want you to

00:11:40.240 conflate kindness with being nice. I think being nice is letting people walk all over you, letting

00:11:49.000 people get the better of you, tamping out your own desires and dreams and ambitions because somebody

00:11:57.480 else might be more vocal than you. That's the nice guy. We don't want to be the nice guy. We want to be

00:12:02.700 kind. And a kind man is a capable man, by the way. A kind man is somebody who has the capacity to

00:12:10.640 be rough and to be strong and to be capable and even to be violent, but chooses not to. Jordan

00:12:17.960 Peterson often talks about sheathing your sword. A kind man is a man who does have a sword, but keeps

00:12:25.020 it sheathed in the right environments. He knows when to pull it out and he knows when not to.

00:12:31.500 And I don't need to give everybody a response. I don't need to come back with any sort of clever

00:12:38.560 quip to everybody. I can be gracious. I can be kind. I can be generous. I can be supportive.

00:12:44.140 This is the kind of man that I have a desire to be, not because I'm weak, but because I'm strong and

00:12:50.440 I want to serve other people. I want to help other people. We as men are protectors, providers,

00:12:57.760 and presiders. And so we have an obligation to step into those roles. And in order to do that,

00:13:03.200 we need to be willing to sacrifice. And sacrifice is synonymous with kindness. You do have to sacrifice

00:13:09.260 to hold the door open for somebody. It's a minor sacrifice, but a sacrifice nonetheless.

00:13:15.080 You do have to sacrifice to donate to a charity that you believe in. It might be minor, it might

00:13:19.960 be major, but it's a sacrifice nonetheless. What sacrifices are you willing to make as a man in

00:13:25.600 order to ensure that you're being kind to the people around you? Number four, be discerning.

00:13:30.660 Not everyone deserves all of you. Not everyone deserves all of you. We have this crazy,

00:13:37.240 crazy environment where we're inundated with social media. We're inundated with texts and emails and

00:13:44.460 phone calls and people knocking on our door and telemarketers. And everybody wants your time and

00:13:49.980 attention, including me, by the way, if I'm being honest, I want your time and attention in your

00:13:54.320 eyeballs. You need to be discerning of how you spend your time. If you say yes to everything because

00:14:01.020 you're being a quote unquote nice guy to go back to our previous point, then you're never going to have

00:14:05.140 time for the things that matter. And the only things that really matter are your God, your own

00:14:10.400 self-development, and your people. And everything else can go by the wayside. Again, your God,

00:14:15.200 your self-development, and your people. That's it. If I can help you on your self-development journey,

00:14:21.780 that's the value that I can add. I don't matter any more in your life than that. Does Ryan provide

00:14:27.020 value to me in that I become a better man? If not, unsubscribe, unfollow, check out, and find somebody

00:14:33.980 else who does. Because the only three things that should matter to you, and this is about being

00:14:39.720 discerning, is your God, your self-development, and your people. Period. If somebody's asking you

00:14:48.580 for something outside of those three, the trifecta of discernment, don't do it. Don't do it. Now,

00:14:57.580 some people might say, well, I want to help people. Okay, then those are your people. Right? So if I have

00:15:01.660 a friend who calls me up and says, hey, Rye, this weekend, I'm moving from here to here,

00:15:06.980 and I know you have a truck. Can you help me out? Those are my people. I'm going to serve them.

00:15:14.160 But if a stranger reaches out, and he says, hey, will you do this thing? But he hasn't earned the

00:15:18.800 right to ask for that thing. I'm not going to do it. I can be discerning. I can still be a kind

00:15:23.620 person. I can still be an empathetic person. I can still be a strong person. But I don't need to

00:15:30.060 help everybody. And I also don't need to offer all of myself to everyone. There's this weird

00:15:36.440 phenomenon going on right now. And it's the Brené Brown symptoms that we're experiencing,

00:15:41.960 where it's like, just be vulnerable. Vulnerability is the best thing. No, it's not.

00:15:48.060 You need to be discerning in that. Okay, like, can we, I'm so excited for the day when we stop

00:15:54.600 talking about vulnerability, because we all realize the bullshit marketing that it's become. 0.94

00:16:00.060 Is being honest with your wife vulnerability? No, I hope not. Because there's no risk of anything 0.99

00:16:11.700 happening there. Because she believes in you. She trusts you. She cares about you. She wants to

00:16:16.180 hear about what's going on. Does that represent vulnerability? No. Just means you're being honest

00:16:21.720 and humble with her. And she should do the same. Does being honest with your clients about what you

00:16:27.660 know and what you don't know equate to vulnerability? No. It just means you're humble about what you can

00:16:33.900 do well and what you can't. This Brené Brown bullshit that society has just adopted as a standard 0.95

00:16:44.300 word is nonsensical. You need to be discerning. Not everybody deserves all of you. You can lie. 0.99

00:16:54.400 You can omit. You can not share everything. You can keep yourself guarded. You can be aware of the

00:17:03.540 threats. You can be aware of how people might use your words and your ideas and your behavior against you.

00:17:10.000 I mean, there's a prime example is in the case of divorce. Some of you guys are going through

00:17:16.040 divorce. I went through a divorce about three years ago. And yeah, I'm not going to disclose

00:17:21.840 everything because I'm not stupid. But the whole vulnerability movement would have you just disclose

00:17:29.920 everything at the expense of yourself and your own well-being and potentially even the people that

00:17:35.340 you deserve. Be discerning. Some people deserve more of you. Some people deserve more of your time.

00:17:41.920 Some people deserve more of your attention. And you know what? Some people don't.

00:17:47.960 Some people don't. Strangers on the internet don't. People who would wish you harm don't.

00:17:55.760 People who won't reciprocate don't. And your time would be much better spent on your wife,

00:18:02.860 on your kids, on your clients, on your coworkers, on your boss, on the people who love and care

00:18:10.640 about you. They support you. They advocate for you and they want you to win. And anybody who doesn't

00:18:16.120 fall into the one of those categories can just go away because you owe them nothing. All right. Number

00:18:23.680 five, be courageous. This one is just crucial, guys. Go ask the woman on the date, please.

00:18:31.100 You've got a woman that you're interested in and that you like. Just go ask her for her number.

00:18:39.080 Go ask her to spend time with you this Friday.

00:18:44.100 Go ask for a date. If you want to start a business, do the first thing. Just start a business.

00:18:51.220 All right. I don't have all of it worked out. You don't need to have it all worked out. Just start

00:18:54.620 the business. Start it. Just buy the business license. Register with the state. Buy the domain

00:19:01.920 name. Just start. If you already have a business and you've never made a sale, ask for a sale, please.

00:19:11.280 That person that you're talking to who really values what you do and wants to be able to be involved in

00:19:16.800 whatever offering that you have. Tell them. It's $100. It's $500. It's $1,000. It's worth it. You

00:19:24.620 should do it. Buy it from me. Be courageous. If there's a new hobby or interest or activity,

00:19:31.360 maybe you've always wanted to go skydiving. Go skydiving this weekend. For just about everybody

00:19:37.680 listening to this podcast, you can call a company that does skydiving courses and say,

00:19:42.960 hey, I want to go this weekend. And they'd fit you in at two o'clock on Sunday afternoon. Go do it.

00:19:49.260 Please go do it. If there's a difficult conversation that you need to have with somebody

00:19:57.520 about, maybe you're an employer and you have an employee who's not doing a great job and you need

00:20:03.720 to have a deep conversation. Maybe you want them to win and you just want to have a conversation with

00:20:07.400 them about their underperformance and what they can do to be better. Go have the damn conversation, 1.00

00:20:12.460 please. What are you waiting for? I'm afraid. I'm scared. I'm worried. Then you're being a loser. 1.00

00:20:20.160 You're not being the man that you can be. And I know this might sound harsh, but the reality is 0.99

00:20:24.400 that you are not stepping up as a man. You're being a coward. Now there's a right and wrong way to do it. 1.00

00:20:32.000 You can have those conversations with kindness to go back to point number three.

00:20:36.580 You can have those conversations with discernment to go back to point number four.

00:20:40.820 But if you can't have a real conversation with the way that with your wife about the way that she's

00:20:46.200 showing up or with your employee about the way that they're performing or underperforming or with

00:20:51.900 your kids about what they're doing or not doing, then what kind of man are you? Truly, what kind of

00:20:58.380 man are you? And this might sound like a chastising thing and maybe it is a little bit, but you know

00:21:04.180 what? I've been here and I know it's scary and I know it's hard and uncomfortable, but the real

00:21:10.360 conversations that we're able to have really truly define who we are as men. I believe that the best

00:21:16.360 men out there, and I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds, I think, gosh, what? Six, 700 at this

00:21:23.220 point of very, very successful men. And I can tell you every single one of them exhibits each one of

00:21:29.680 these traits. They're strong mentally, physically, and emotionally. They're emotionally stable.

00:21:36.580 They create safe environments for their people. They're kind when maybe they don't have to be.

00:21:41.800 You know, take somebody like Jocka Willink, kind, decent person, but man, he would really,

00:21:47.620 really put you in a world of hurt if needed. Jack Carr, another individual, highly, highly

00:21:55.120 underrated as a straight up assassin. He could do things to you that would only exist in your

00:22:04.600 nightmares. And yet he's the most kind, gentle soul that I might actually know. He's kind.

00:22:13.160 Be discerning. Not everyone deserves all of you. And last is be courageous. Be bold. Put yourself out

00:22:18.900 there. Ask for what you want. Give people feedback. Tactfully, of course, I'm not saying be the

00:22:25.040 jerk, but tactfully do that. And I promise you, if you do these five things every day, 0.98

00:22:29.740 if you just write these down, maybe here's my challenge to you. Write these five things down

00:22:35.000 in your journal or in your to-do list or your task list or whatever you look at in the morning.

00:22:41.420 And you should be looking at something every morning to plan out your day.

00:22:44.960 And write these five things down. Be strong. Be emotionally stable. Be kind. Be discerning. Be

00:22:50.140 courageous. Write those five things down. If you do those five things and everything that

00:22:54.960 you do, maybe you send an email. Okay, I'm going to be strong. I'm not going to let this

00:22:59.400 person get to me emotionally. I'm going to be courageous and ask for things. If you incorporate

00:23:04.680 that into the emails that you send today, you're going to be better off. If you get home and your

00:23:09.920 wife is like, well, you know, what do you want to do? What should we do? Be discerning. Be courageous. 0.97

00:23:15.300 Ask for what you want, but be kind. I promise you the relationship with her is going to get better.

00:23:20.680 If you have a client who's waffling on your suggestions, who's maybe wondering if they

00:23:27.380 should or should not take your recommendations, who's maybe seeing another person who does

00:23:32.080 something similar to what you do, be bold. Be courageous. Again, be kind. Be emotionally

00:23:38.420 stable, but be courageous. See, guys, we can incorporate this every day into our life. And if we say

00:23:44.000 strong, emotional, kind, discerning, and courageous, man, the world would be better for you. The world

00:23:52.440 would literally lay down for you as it has for me. Now, I'm not here to say that everything in my life

00:23:57.940 goes perfectly, but I'll tell you when I deviate from these rules, being strong, emotionally stable,

00:24:02.920 kind, discerning, and courageous, my life deviates. It goes off the course. But when I get back on the

00:24:09.100 course, these are the things that help me get back on the course. I hope that helps you.

00:24:13.120 I've got so many more ideas, and not all of them are mine, to go back to being discerning.

00:24:18.460 Some of them are other people's ideas that I work with inside of our brotherhood, the Iron Council.

00:24:24.100 Everybody has a program. Everybody has a course. Everybody has an email list. Everybody has an

00:24:28.820 event. Everybody has an experience. Everybody has affiliate relationships. But I'm telling you,

00:24:34.340 we started this thing 10 years ago in 2015, and everybody else modeled, when it comes to the men's

00:24:40.900 space, modeled what they're doing after what we do. And the problem with that for those individuals is

00:24:47.820 they're behind the curve. We've had 10 years of research. We've had 10 years of experience. We've

00:24:53.760 had 10 years of doing it right and doing it wrong. And because we have 10 years and everybody else is

00:24:58.760 chasing, we know what it takes to be successful as a man. Man, we have the tools, the systems, and the

00:25:04.560 resources available to you. So if you want to join, and you want to band with us, the original

00:25:09.880 brotherhood of men, then check it out at orderofman.com slash Iron Council. That's orderofman.com

00:25:17.580 slash Iron Council. Whether you join or not, I want you to incorporate these five things in your life.

00:25:22.480 Be strong, emotionally stable, kind, discerning, and courageous. It will change your life if you do it

00:25:29.660 consistently. All right, guys, we'll be back next week for our interview. Until then, go out there,

00:25:34.680 take action, and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man

00:25:40.060 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be?

00:25:45.120 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - November 07, 2025

The 5 Rules Every Man Must Follow ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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