The 5 Rules Every Man Must Follow ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
Strong men are better men. Strong men are more likely to be a better father, a husband, a friend, a business partner, a political figure, a leader, an employee, a philanthropist, a public figure, etc. If you don t have the X-Factor, then you are a loser.
Transcript
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If there's a difficult conversation that you need to have, I'm afraid, I'm scared, I'm worried,
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then you're being a loser. You're not being the man that you can be. Now there's a right and wrong
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way to do it. You can have those conversations with kindness to go back to point number three.
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You can have those conversations with discernment to go back to point number four. But if you can't
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have a real conversation with your wife about the way that she's showing up or with your employee
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about the way that they're performing or underperforming, then what kind of man are you?
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Men, we all know that guy who is strong, who is capable, who is successful, who is bold,
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who is courageous, who has the life, who has the income, who has the wealth, who has the connections,
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who has all of the things that you and I want as men. And most of us chalk that up to the X factor.
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That guy has it. That guy has the X factor. You can feel it when the guy walks in the room.
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There's a palpable difference in the way that the people around him communicate, how they respond,
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how they react, how they behave. And while most of us spend our times spinning our wheels about how that
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man has this unattainable X factor, it really is a very simple formula that too many men in my
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summation, in my analyzing this over a decade of doing this work have overlooked. And the X factor,
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which is this mystical force that so many men just have innately and that so many men can't obtain
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through their efforts. It's not that at all. It's a very simple formula. It's a formula that you can
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incorporate in your life to be more influential, to be more bold, to be more courageous, to have more
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of what you want, to inspire others, to achieve your dreams and your desires and your outcomes. And there's
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really just about five things, five mindsets that you need to incorporate in your life to have the type of
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life that you want, the relationship that you desire, the wealth that you're seeking, the career aspirations
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that you're pursuing, and the kind of life that you wish you would have that you thought might be
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reserved for other individuals. I mean, how many of you have just sat on the sidelines of life and watched
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other men who you perceive as lesser than you have the women, have the money, have the career, have the
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fulfillment, have the joy, have the satisfaction, have the thrill and the excitement of life. If you really
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believe they're inferior, why is it that you are not achieving at least at a minimum what they are, let
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alone a whole lot more? Today, I'm going to share with you five rules that I believe if we strip
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everything else away that every man must follow if he hopes to achieve some level of this x factor that
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we believe exists on this unobtainable spiritual plane that is just granted and bestowed to the few
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lucky ones who roam the earth. It's not that at all. Let's talk about the formula. Number one, be strong.
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All right, that's first and foremost. You have to be strong. Strong men are better men. And heaven forbid,
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dare I say that those men who are strong are better men. That's the reality. And I'm not talking about
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worth as individuals. I'm talking about your worth as a husband, your worth as a father, your worth as a
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business owner, your worth in the community, your worth as a politician, your worth is fill in the
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blank with whatever capacity that you're showing up in. If you're strong, you're better. Now, I'm not just
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talking about physical strength because I know plenty of men who might be physically strong who
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don't have the morality that is attached to it. Andrew Tate is somebody who comes to mind. That's
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an individual who obviously has some skill set, obviously is very fit. He looks great, but he lacks
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any sort of moral strength and courage. He just goes to and fro as the doctrine of popular culture
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dictates. And he says outlandish things to get people riled up, but he's not a strong individual
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in the trifecta of mental, emotional, and the physical realm. You take somebody like Nick Fuentes,
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who is just a physical weakling, an absolute weakling. And maybe he's got some intelligence.
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I won't deny that, but he certainly isn't the trifecta of what it means to be a man. And the
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trifecta is physical, mental, and emotional. Nick Fuentes is highly emotionally dysregulated,
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but he's not physically strong. He's not mentally strong. He has one aspect down really, really well.
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And the guys like Nick Fuentes and the guys like Andrew Tate work really well in the realm of social
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media. But in life, these aren't individuals that we strive to be. These aren't the kind of fathers
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that we want to be. These aren't the kind of husbands that we want to be. These aren't the
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kind of leaders in our communities that we want to be. And it requires the trifecta. You need to go to
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work physically on yourself every single day, feeling your body correctly, going to work out,
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getting strong, getting fit, getting lean, getting jacked. You need to regulate your emotions. We'll
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talk about that here in the next step. And mentally, you need to be developing your mind,
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learning new things, considering alternative perspectives, debating thoughtfully, asking
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powerful questions, going to courses, going to conferences, listening to podcasts that might
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serve you based on what your objectives are. There's a trifecta here. Being physically strong
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is not enough. You're the jock. You might be physically strong. You might be good to look at
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by all the ladies. All the ladies might want to be with you. All the guys might want to be like you.
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But at the end of the day, you're a mental midget. Emotionally, you might be a beacon of stability for
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your family, but you couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag. Nobody's interested in that.
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Mentally, you might be a juggernaut. You might have the highest IQ ever recorded in history.
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And if you're a weenie, and you're a coward, and you're a weakling, nobody cares about all of that
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education and all of that knowledge if you can't lead them to a better place. Guys, we as men need
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to be strong in the trifecta of masculinity, physical, mental, and emotional. Number two,
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I'm going to dive deeper into the emotional realm because you, as a rule, need to be emotionally
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stable. I think that oftentimes we might look at and we're perceived as being physically dominant,
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physically aggressive. I've talked with so many men, or excuse me, women who believe that men are
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scary. You know, daughters who believe that their fathers are scary. Wives who believe that their
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husbands are scary. And although we are physically bigger in general than our female counterparts,
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I don't think it's the physicality so much that scares women as much as it is the uncertainty of
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what they might be confronting. If your wife is concerned or questions which version of you she
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gets when you get home at the end of the day, that's not a stable emotional environment.
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If your wife has to condition or program your kids to give quote-unquote daddy some space when
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he gets home because she doesn't know how you'll show up, that's not an environment conducive to the
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type of man that I believe you want to become. And I use these examples because I've been this man
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in my life. I've been the guy who shows up in a very lackluster way, to put it minimally. I've showed up
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in a way that's emotionally volatile. I've showed up in a way that my people, whether it's my wife,
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my ex-wife at this point, or my kids, or my friends and my clients, they don't know what version of me
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they're going to get. And my job is to be the bedrock emotionally. My job is to create emotional
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regulation. When she is freaking out and stressed out and frustrated, it's my job to be calm, cool,
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and collected. When my kids are frustrated about how school is going and how life is and breakups as
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young kids, it's my job to be the stability, the beacon of strength. And if I'm so emotionally
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dysregulated that I fly off the handle at any little thing, or I get frustrated about the simplest of
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setbacks or any little variable in my schedule completely throws me off and I lose my, my crap,
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like that's, that's not the kind of man that I have a desire to be. You got to create margin and space in
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your life. You'd have to be the bedrock. And so when your wife comes to you and says, she's having a hard
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day, you don't need to lose your cool and tell her all the things that she's doing wrong. Just
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listen for a second. Just shut up and listen. If she's dealing with something difficult within the
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family dynamic, just be quiet and listen. If your kids are struggling with work, with school, or their
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grades, or with a bully, or with a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, just be quiet and listen. If you're
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confronting some financial challenge at work, you don't need to blab about that everywhere and dump
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it all on your wife or your kids, just be quiet and get to work. You know, talk with that about
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with your, with your friends, but you don't need to dump that on your family. They're relying on you
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to be emotionally secure. And even if you do happen to share it with your significant other, which I
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think that's warranted in times and under the right circumstances, you don't need to cry on her
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shoulder. You don't need to wallow in your own self-pity. Tell her what's going on and then tell
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her what your solution is. Be emotionally stable. Number three, be kind. Just be a decent human being.
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Hold a door for people. Open the door for her when you go on a date. Say please and thank you. Offer a
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smile to someone. When somebody may be frustrated, maybe somebody cuts you off on the road. You don't
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need to drive by them and flip them off, which is certainly something I've done. Just, just be
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gracious and be kind. Now, I don't want you to confuse kindness with weakness. I don't want you to
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conflate kindness with being nice. I think being nice is letting people walk all over you, letting
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people get the better of you, tamping out your own desires and dreams and ambitions because somebody
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else might be more vocal than you. That's the nice guy. We don't want to be the nice guy. We want to be
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kind. And a kind man is a capable man, by the way. A kind man is somebody who has the capacity to
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be rough and to be strong and to be capable and even to be violent, but chooses not to. Jordan
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Peterson often talks about sheathing your sword. A kind man is a man who does have a sword, but keeps
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it sheathed in the right environments. He knows when to pull it out and he knows when not to.
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And I don't need to give everybody a response. I don't need to come back with any sort of clever
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quip to everybody. I can be gracious. I can be kind. I can be generous. I can be supportive.
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This is the kind of man that I have a desire to be, not because I'm weak, but because I'm strong and
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I want to serve other people. I want to help other people. We as men are protectors, providers,
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and presiders. And so we have an obligation to step into those roles. And in order to do that,
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we need to be willing to sacrifice. And sacrifice is synonymous with kindness. You do have to sacrifice
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to hold the door open for somebody. It's a minor sacrifice, but a sacrifice nonetheless.
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You do have to sacrifice to donate to a charity that you believe in. It might be minor, it might
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be major, but it's a sacrifice nonetheless. What sacrifices are you willing to make as a man in
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order to ensure that you're being kind to the people around you? Number four, be discerning.
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Not everyone deserves all of you. Not everyone deserves all of you. We have this crazy,
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crazy environment where we're inundated with social media. We're inundated with texts and emails and
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phone calls and people knocking on our door and telemarketers. And everybody wants your time and
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attention, including me, by the way, if I'm being honest, I want your time and attention in your
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eyeballs. You need to be discerning of how you spend your time. If you say yes to everything because
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you're being a quote unquote nice guy to go back to our previous point, then you're never going to have
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time for the things that matter. And the only things that really matter are your God, your own
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self-development, and your people. And everything else can go by the wayside. Again, your God,
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your self-development, and your people. That's it. If I can help you on your self-development journey,
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that's the value that I can add. I don't matter any more in your life than that. Does Ryan provide
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value to me in that I become a better man? If not, unsubscribe, unfollow, check out, and find somebody
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else who does. Because the only three things that should matter to you, and this is about being
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discerning, is your God, your self-development, and your people. Period. If somebody's asking you
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for something outside of those three, the trifecta of discernment, don't do it. Don't do it. Now,
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some people might say, well, I want to help people. Okay, then those are your people. Right? So if I have
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a friend who calls me up and says, hey, Rye, this weekend, I'm moving from here to here,
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and I know you have a truck. Can you help me out? Those are my people. I'm going to serve them.
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But if a stranger reaches out, and he says, hey, will you do this thing? But he hasn't earned the
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right to ask for that thing. I'm not going to do it. I can be discerning. I can still be a kind
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person. I can still be an empathetic person. I can still be a strong person. But I don't need to
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help everybody. And I also don't need to offer all of myself to everyone. There's this weird
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phenomenon going on right now. And it's the Brené Brown symptoms that we're experiencing,
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where it's like, just be vulnerable. Vulnerability is the best thing. No, it's not.
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You need to be discerning in that. Okay, like, can we, I'm so excited for the day when we stop
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talking about vulnerability, because we all realize the bullshit marketing that it's become.
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Is being honest with your wife vulnerability? No, I hope not. Because there's no risk of anything
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happening there. Because she believes in you. She trusts you. She cares about you. She wants to
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hear about what's going on. Does that represent vulnerability? No. Just means you're being honest
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and humble with her. And she should do the same. Does being honest with your clients about what you
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know and what you don't know equate to vulnerability? No. It just means you're humble about what you can
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do well and what you can't. This Brené Brown bullshit that society has just adopted as a standard
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word is nonsensical. You need to be discerning. Not everybody deserves all of you. You can lie.
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You can omit. You can not share everything. You can keep yourself guarded. You can be aware of the
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threats. You can be aware of how people might use your words and your ideas and your behavior against you.
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I mean, there's a prime example is in the case of divorce. Some of you guys are going through
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divorce. I went through a divorce about three years ago. And yeah, I'm not going to disclose
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everything because I'm not stupid. But the whole vulnerability movement would have you just disclose
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everything at the expense of yourself and your own well-being and potentially even the people that
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you deserve. Be discerning. Some people deserve more of you. Some people deserve more of your time.
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Some people deserve more of your attention. And you know what? Some people don't.
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Some people don't. Strangers on the internet don't. People who would wish you harm don't.
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People who won't reciprocate don't. And your time would be much better spent on your wife,
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on your kids, on your clients, on your coworkers, on your boss, on the people who love and care
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about you. They support you. They advocate for you and they want you to win. And anybody who doesn't
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fall into the one of those categories can just go away because you owe them nothing. All right. Number
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five, be courageous. This one is just crucial, guys. Go ask the woman on the date, please.
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You've got a woman that you're interested in and that you like. Just go ask her for her number.
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Go ask for a date. If you want to start a business, do the first thing. Just start a business.
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All right. I don't have all of it worked out. You don't need to have it all worked out. Just start
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the business. Start it. Just buy the business license. Register with the state. Buy the domain
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name. Just start. If you already have a business and you've never made a sale, ask for a sale, please.
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That person that you're talking to who really values what you do and wants to be able to be involved in
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whatever offering that you have. Tell them. It's $100. It's $500. It's $1,000. It's worth it. You
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should do it. Buy it from me. Be courageous. If there's a new hobby or interest or activity,
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maybe you've always wanted to go skydiving. Go skydiving this weekend. For just about everybody
00:19:37.680
listening to this podcast, you can call a company that does skydiving courses and say,
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hey, I want to go this weekend. And they'd fit you in at two o'clock on Sunday afternoon. Go do it.
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Please go do it. If there's a difficult conversation that you need to have with somebody
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about, maybe you're an employer and you have an employee who's not doing a great job and you need
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to have a deep conversation. Maybe you want them to win and you just want to have a conversation with
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them about their underperformance and what they can do to be better. Go have the damn conversation,
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please. What are you waiting for? I'm afraid. I'm scared. I'm worried. Then you're being a loser.
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You're not being the man that you can be. And I know this might sound harsh, but the reality is
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that you are not stepping up as a man. You're being a coward. Now there's a right and wrong way to do it.
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You can have those conversations with kindness to go back to point number three.
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You can have those conversations with discernment to go back to point number four.
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But if you can't have a real conversation with the way that with your wife about the way that she's
00:20:46.200
showing up or with your employee about the way that they're performing or underperforming or with
00:20:51.900
your kids about what they're doing or not doing, then what kind of man are you? Truly, what kind of
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man are you? And this might sound like a chastising thing and maybe it is a little bit, but you know
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what? I've been here and I know it's scary and I know it's hard and uncomfortable, but the real
00:21:10.360
conversations that we're able to have really truly define who we are as men. I believe that the best
00:21:16.360
men out there, and I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds, I think, gosh, what? Six, 700 at this
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point of very, very successful men. And I can tell you every single one of them exhibits each one of
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these traits. They're strong mentally, physically, and emotionally. They're emotionally stable.
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They create safe environments for their people. They're kind when maybe they don't have to be.
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You know, take somebody like Jocka Willink, kind, decent person, but man, he would really,
00:21:47.620
really put you in a world of hurt if needed. Jack Carr, another individual, highly, highly
00:21:55.120
underrated as a straight up assassin. He could do things to you that would only exist in your
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nightmares. And yet he's the most kind, gentle soul that I might actually know. He's kind.
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Be discerning. Not everyone deserves all of you. And last is be courageous. Be bold. Put yourself out
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there. Ask for what you want. Give people feedback. Tactfully, of course, I'm not saying be the
00:22:25.040
jerk, but tactfully do that. And I promise you, if you do these five things every day,
00:22:29.740
if you just write these down, maybe here's my challenge to you. Write these five things down
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in your journal or in your to-do list or your task list or whatever you look at in the morning.
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And you should be looking at something every morning to plan out your day.
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And write these five things down. Be strong. Be emotionally stable. Be kind. Be discerning. Be
00:22:50.140
courageous. Write those five things down. If you do those five things and everything that
00:22:54.960
you do, maybe you send an email. Okay, I'm going to be strong. I'm not going to let this
00:22:59.400
person get to me emotionally. I'm going to be courageous and ask for things. If you incorporate
00:23:04.680
that into the emails that you send today, you're going to be better off. If you get home and your
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wife is like, well, you know, what do you want to do? What should we do? Be discerning. Be courageous.
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Ask for what you want, but be kind. I promise you the relationship with her is going to get better.
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If you have a client who's waffling on your suggestions, who's maybe wondering if they
00:23:27.380
should or should not take your recommendations, who's maybe seeing another person who does
00:23:32.080
something similar to what you do, be bold. Be courageous. Again, be kind. Be emotionally
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stable, but be courageous. See, guys, we can incorporate this every day into our life. And if we say
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strong, emotional, kind, discerning, and courageous, man, the world would be better for you. The world
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would literally lay down for you as it has for me. Now, I'm not here to say that everything in my life
00:23:57.940
goes perfectly, but I'll tell you when I deviate from these rules, being strong, emotionally stable,
00:24:02.920
kind, discerning, and courageous, my life deviates. It goes off the course. But when I get back on the
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course, these are the things that help me get back on the course. I hope that helps you.
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I've got so many more ideas, and not all of them are mine, to go back to being discerning.
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Some of them are other people's ideas that I work with inside of our brotherhood, the Iron Council.
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Everybody has a program. Everybody has a course. Everybody has an email list. Everybody has an
00:24:28.820
event. Everybody has an experience. Everybody has affiliate relationships. But I'm telling you,
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we started this thing 10 years ago in 2015, and everybody else modeled, when it comes to the men's
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space, modeled what they're doing after what we do. And the problem with that for those individuals is
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they're behind the curve. We've had 10 years of research. We've had 10 years of experience. We've
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had 10 years of doing it right and doing it wrong. And because we have 10 years and everybody else is
00:24:58.760
chasing, we know what it takes to be successful as a man. Man, we have the tools, the systems, and the
00:25:04.560
resources available to you. So if you want to join, and you want to band with us, the original
00:25:09.880
brotherhood of men, then check it out at orderofman.com slash Iron Council. That's orderofman.com
00:25:17.580
slash Iron Council. Whether you join or not, I want you to incorporate these five things in your life.
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Be strong, emotionally stable, kind, discerning, and courageous. It will change your life if you do it
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consistently. All right, guys, we'll be back next week for our interview. Until then, go out there,
00:25:34.680
take action, and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man
00:25:40.060
podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be?
00:25:45.120
We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.