The Antidote to Ego is Self-Awareness | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
In this episode, Ryan Michler sits down with a very good friend of his, Kip Falks, to talk about the importance of being a man of action and how to live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,
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and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order of Man,
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the global movement. Guys, we continue to grow. In fact, in January, we had our highest
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download month ever. So first and foremost, I want to thank you. I realized this would not be
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the movement that it is without your support and your inspiration and guidance and motivation and
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discipline and all the things that you're doing on your end to improve yourself as a man. That's
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what we're all about. If you're tuning in for the first time, you got to know that this is
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a mission to improve ourselves as men to become the most capable, proficient, successful husbands,
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fathers, business owners, community leaders, coaches, mentors, whatever it is you're doing.
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I want to give you the tools, the conversations, and the resources to do just that, which we are
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going to be doing today. Cause I've got a good one lined up for you today based on a conversation
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I had with a very close friend of mine. I'm going to get into in just a minute. I want to make a very,
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very quick mention and give you an opportunity here in a second to introduce our friends and show
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JP Danell is going to be there and Dakota Meyer among others. So again, if you're in the San Diego
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area, Southern California, what a great opportunity to go connect with those guys for the grand opening
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at vitamin shops for Jocko fuel, check it out. And by the way, if you end up purchasing anything
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from origin on their website, make sure you use the code order O-R-D-E-R at checkout. Cause you're
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going to get a discount when you do. All right, guys, with that said, let's get into this discussion
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today. I was having a conversation with a, with a close friend of mine. His name is Kip Falks.
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A great guy. We hunt together. He's been a good advocate for what we're doing here. And a great
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resource for me is I continue to grow order of man. And we're having this conversation based on some
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success that he's had in business. He's the co-founder of under armor. He's, he's currently
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working on an incredible project. If you want to follow along, go check it out. It's called big
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truck farm brewery in Maryland, and you can check it out on Instagram. I think where it is where he's
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most active, but he's in the process of building his own brewery and brewing every beer in, in that
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facility. And it's going to be absolutely incredible. Cause I have a little bit of insight into,
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into what he's doing and phenomenal stuff. Anyways, I really value his opinion, his feedback,
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his insight. And he's been a great strategic partner because he's willing to share things with
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me that, you know, not a lot, not a lot of people are. Uh, and we were having this conversation
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cause I reached out and I wanted to talk with him about, um, about vision and, and the things that
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I wanted to accomplish with order of man, you know, for the past five years or so, which is
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we're almost on our five-year anniversary. Uh, I feel like I've never quite grown out of
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the guy that happens to be doing this in the spare bedroom of his, of his basement in his house.
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And that's what it's been up to this point. And I have really big ambitions for what we're trying
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to do and expand and grow and connect with more men and, uh, bring more, more men into the fold,
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if you will. So I w I called him to talk about this and do some strategic planning. And I don't know
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how we got talking about it, but we started talking about, uh, ego. And it seems to me that
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there's this, this common thought or trend regarding ego and society that it's bad. It's to be avoided
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at all costs that nobody should have ego. Everybody should be humble and nobody should think highly of
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themselves. And it's, I think it's misguided. I think it's wrong. Granted, I think also that ego
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can be taken to the extreme and it can become pride, excessive pride or arrogance. But I got to
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believe that a little bit of ego in your life is actually a valuable thing to have, because think
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about it this way. If there was no level of ego in your life, in, in, in who you are, you would not
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be driven to try anything new at all, because what gives you the right to believe based on no track
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record of success that you can go out and you can start a business or go to the gym or get good at
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archery or jujitsu or paint a painting or write a book or learn a new song or whatever the thing is
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that you're doing without any track record of success in doing that thing. It's arrogant. It's,
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it's egotistical to believe so highly of yourself that you're willing to try something that you've
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never done before with the hope and even anticipation. And there has to be anticipation
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there for you to actually have some measure of success. That is an ego driven concept. And also
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it's a very positive thing. It's a good thing. It's a good thing that we're a little bit,
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maybe delusional is the right word in our own ability to perform with things that we we've never done
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before. I mean, the alternative is to be so quote unquote humble. Uh, and, and I wouldn't even
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necessarily call it humility, but that's the word I'll use is to be so humble that you don't think
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that you can do anything. Like you don't give yourself the credit that you deserve and you do
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deserve some credit. You have had some success, maybe not in this specific area that you're trying
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now, but you've had success in other facets of life. You know how to learn, you know how to grow,
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you know how to evolve, you know how to expand, you know, your capabilities and you know, your
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shortcomings and, and it's good. It's okay. The problem that we run into is that at times
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we allow our ego to get in the way. And that's the line, right? A healthy dose of pride and ego
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about who you are and what you can actually do is good because it's going to move you towards doing
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things that you've never done before. And that's a good thing taken to the extreme. However, it's
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going to limit you. It's going to represent all sorts of blind spots in your life. And it's going to
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expose weaknesses and vulnerabilities in your life, uh, that could potentially derail you,
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right? So if you're so egotistical, for example, about a project at work and you believe and think
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so highly of yourself that you're not going to take the input of others, that you're not going
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to learn from previous mistakes from yourself and other people, uh, that you're not going to bring
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in experts to deal with this and address this, that you're going to take all the credit. If the
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project goes well and undermine your team, therefore there's no level of trust or credibility with you
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any longer, you're, you're exposing yourself and you're going to fail. You're teeing yourself up
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for failure. So Kip and I were talking about this and I said, and I told him the same thing. And I
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said, you know, I think ego and having a healthy dose of ego is a good thing. And he says, yeah,
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I agree. I think it is good. I think it's important that we have that to some degree.
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Uh, and we started talking about where it gets taken to the extreme. And he said something very
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telling that, that this is the thing that I wanted to discuss with you today is to ensure that we
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don't allow our egos, our healthy ego, uh, to, to run rampant, to get in our way, to create problems
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for ourselves. And he said, the, uh, the answer, the antidote to, uh, over, over being overly
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egotistical is self-awareness, self-awareness. It's just being aware of yourself, being aware of how
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you come across to other people, uh, being aware of your own inadequacies and your own
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inabilities to be successful in endeavors that you've never tried before. And frankly,
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just being truthful and objective in your analysis of your performance.
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So if, if you aren't willing to have this level of self-awareness, you're, you're not capable of it
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or, or don't want to explore that. Maybe you don't have everything figured out. Then it's very easy to
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allow a healthy dose of ego to become a very unhealthy dose of ego very, very quickly.
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And that's what we need to avoid. Now, I'm not saying that ego is bad and it needs to be checked.
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It just, it depends on how it's being used. And so what I thought I'd do is share with you some,
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some thoughts that I had about how to maintain a level of self-awareness and keep that ego in check
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so that it's serving you and other people and not ultimately hindering you and keeping you from
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what you want to accomplish in your life and the lives of the people that you have a responsibility
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for that you have an obligation for, uh, and, and that you want to serve. So I would say this first
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and foremost is just knowing that there has to be a checks and some checks and balances in place.
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Like if there isn't this self-awareness in your life, then I believe that most of us listening
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are probably going to run across ego. And if you're saying, well, I don't, that's, that's an
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overly egotistical thought. Like check yourself, right? Check yourself really understand. Okay.
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Is this something I'm good at? Is this something I'm bad at? How can I improve? How can I get better?
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And just be open-minded to the fact that maybe you're not as good as you think you are.
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There's been studies and research and data that suggests that men typically more so than even women
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have a tendency of, uh, over, over believing we are, we can produce more than we actually can.
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Like we overestimate our ability. That's what I was trying to say. We overestimate our ability to
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perform in anything, whether it's business or athletics or sex or whatever, however you're
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trying to perform that we overestimate our abilities. Now, I think probably as human beings,
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we've evolved, uh, we, we've, we've, we've used this ego in a healthy way, which is why it's there
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in the first place, because in some capacity it has to have served us. Otherwise we, we wouldn't have
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it. And it's what keeps us driving forward. It's what exposes men to take on more risk, which we know
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that's true. Like men are more willing generally to take on more levels of risk than women. Why?
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Because we're more arrogant. We have more ego, which again, taken to the extreme is bad, but
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taken in a healthy dose is good because there's a lot of great things that have come from taking
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risks, whether it's asking for a woman's hand in marriage or starting that business that you have
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no business starting, uh, or, or taking on a project that you have no track record of success on
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or deciding that you want to go run a marathon and, and, and put yourself in a physically and
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mentally taxing and potentially dangerous situation. Like if the ego wasn't there, you wouldn't do those
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things. And therefore you wouldn't produce any results in your life. You'd be, you'd be complacent.
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You'd be stagnant. You'd be mediocre. So you have to be open to the idea that maybe you're not as good
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as you think you are. And if you're not open to that idea, well, that's a pretty good telling
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indicator that you are letting ego run rampant. The other thing that I would encourage you to,
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to look into is the results that you're producing. If you're inventorying your life. And I think most
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of you are right. You're, you're listening to this podcast. You want to evolve. You want to grow.
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You want to expand. You want to become more competent and capable and effective in some or all of your
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life. Then what you need to do is you need to ask yourself and take a specific topic, like a
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relationship or finances or health, take one specific metric and ask yourself, am I producing
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the results that I want? Am I achieving the level of growth? The, the, the, the success,
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the metrics, the benchmarks that I'm after, if the answer is no, and it probably will be,
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and should be no, because we're all ambitious and want to achieve on high levels, then you probably
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ought to make the assumption that you, if you aren't again, producing those results,
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that the ego is getting in the way. Maybe you're not bringing in advisors. Maybe you're not really
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willing to, to, to blow up your own projects or to red team, which is something that we've talked
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about to poke holes and flaws into what you're doing. That's, that's, that's being fragile,
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right? It's funny because we think those guys or the guys who are overly egotistical think that's
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somehow a measurement of strength. It's actually a measurement of weakness. The strong or humble,
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right? They're willing to look at where they fall short. And because they're willing to objectively
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look where they fall short, then they put strategies and actions in motion that will shore up those
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weaknesses. So that makes them strong. Humility is what makes you strong. It exposes the vulnerabilities
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vulnerabilities. And then you can fix the vulnerabilities. So ask yourself, am I producing
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my results? And if you're not producing the results that you're after, then you have to ask,
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well, what can I do? And the answer is always this, get feedback. It's always that get coaching,
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get feedback, find people who have done what you're trying to do, which is the reason I reached out to
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Kip in the first place. Cause he's done some things that I admire, that I respect, that I want to
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produce in my own life. And he's, he knows what he's doing. Obviously he's done it multiple times.
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So I could have protected my ego and said, no, I can figure this out. And, and, and frankly,
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just bang my head against the wall until something clicked. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't,
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but instead I reached out to Kip and you know, what was interesting is during our conversation,
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he said some things to me that stung a little bit, like they weren't completely comfortable
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because it wasn't the ideal vision I had about the way I'm showing up. And he said, you know,
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maybe there's a disconnect between how you think you're showing up and how other people are perceiving
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you showing up. Like that's not a comfortable thought. Nobody wants to look at their own inadequacies.
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And yet I'm willing to do that because I want to produce the results. So when I ask myself,
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am I producing the results that I want within our organization order of man? The answer is no.
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That doesn't mean I'm not proud of what we've done or excited about the results that we've produced up
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to this point. I certainly am, but there's more, there's more to it. And I realize there's more
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available for what we're doing here. And I want to take advantage of those opportunities. So I'm not
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producing the results I desire. Therefore I need more information that could potentially damage and
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bruise my own perception of myself. It's a very hard thing to do, but a very powerful
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powerful exercise to engage in the second point or third. I don't even, I didn't write these down,
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but the next point we'll say is getting feedback from other people. Now we're talking about self
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awareness. So it's you being aware of yourself. Yes. I realized that, but it's also important for you
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to get third party data. That's what this is. So if you're trying to be a better father,
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I think it'd probably be a pretty good idea to ask your children how you're doing,
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not just how you're doing, but like specifically, what are you doing? Well, what are you not doing
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so well? Where can you improve? I've had these conversations. In fact, I had one not too long
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ago with my son on this podcast. You guys can go back and search and find that episode. But I asked
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him point blank in what areas can I improve? How can I do better? And he says, well, you need to be
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more patient. That's, that's a good assessment. He's right. And if I allow my ego to get in the way,
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then I won't accept that critique. And therefore I won't get any better. So as much as I was like,
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I don't want to hear that. And I heard it on air and I shared it with hundreds of thousands of men
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who are listening in. It was good. It was good for me to hear that. It was a new perspective. It was,
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it was a new perception or perspective that I haven't heard before or, or hadn't not that I
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haven't heard it, but that, that maybe I wasn't taking into consideration as much as I should.
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So take a look at what you're trying to do. This is why, by the way, guys, the iron council,
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which is our exclusive brotherhood is so powerful because you're getting feedback from other people,
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other men who are motivated and ambitious, and they want to thrive and they want to win.
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And some of them have figured out how to succeed in business and how to succeed with addiction and
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how to win in their, their, their marriages and how to start new businesses and how to get into
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shape and how to hunt. And like all these things that we're talking about inside of the iron council.
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And these guys have done it. I mean, how powerful is that, that you can tap into this resource of
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other men who are doing what you want to do. You can get feedback. They're willing to critique you.
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If you're open to being critiqued and, and, you know, pokes, poke some holes in what you're doing
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again, not comfortable, but very, very valuable. The next thing I would say is that your,
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your, the, the, the balance between ego and self-awareness is hard to really find when you're
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in a position of comfort because comfort is deceiving. It makes you believe that you're better
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than you really are. So let's take an example and I'll use jujitsu because that's something I tend to
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be very involved with at this point. And it's in a great analogy for life. If all I ever do is roll
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with my peers, meaning other white belts that have been in for the same amount of time, or even less
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than I have on this path of jujitsu, then I will lull myself into believing that I'm better at jujitsu
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than I really am. Because when I go roll with a blue belt or a brown belt or a black belt,
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it's, it's painfully obvious, literally painfully obvious that I'm not as good as I believe myself to
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be. And so most men won't put themselves in these positions because they don't want to be exposed.
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And isn't that what you're doing? When you put yourself into uncomfortable positions,
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you're literally exposing yourself to risk, to ridicule, to heartache, to physical and mental
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and emotional pain and frustration and anxiety. That's what you're doing when you start to push a
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little harder. So you can either learn to deal with that, or you can settle for the mediocrity
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that you may have found yourself in by always surrounding yourself with people who are the same
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or not even nearly as good as you are way more comfortable, but doesn't produce the results that
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I know that the overwhelming majority of you listening to this, you at least talk about wanting
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those results. The real question is, are you willing to do anything about it? Because if you are,
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then you are going to take a risk and you are going to put yourself in uncomfortable conversations
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and you are going to expose yourself to being told no and expose yourself to the pain and frustration
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that comes with being ambitious and wanting to grow and expand and evolve and get better.
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This is, this is one of the strategies for, uh, keeping that ego in check and being self-aware
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is pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Cause now you're giving yourself a, it's
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all relative, right? So you're giving yourself a new perspective. It's relative. Okay. I'm
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good at this thing. Well, good compared to what I remember. This must've been 10 years ago.
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Now. Uh, I was in the financial planning practice very early in my career. And we had a, a gentleman,
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a very successful financial advisor come in from, I want to say it was from Florida. I'm not sure
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exactly, but I want to say Florida. Anyways, he came in to our office and he was doing some training.
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It was a two and a half day, three day training that he was doing on some programs that we were
00:21:21.660
using within our financial planning practice. And I remember our, our general agent who, who
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owned the firm, he said to this guy, he said, I really love for you to come work with us here in,
00:21:34.940
in this office. You would be, if you came to work with us, and this is what he said,
00:21:38.200
if you came to work with us, you would be the highest producing, uh, financial advisor in our
00:21:44.540
office. And I'll never ever forget what this high producing advisor said. He says, I don't want to
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be the best in this office. I want to be the best period. And in order to do that, he's got to push
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himself outside of his comfort zone. He's got to surround himself with other advisors who are
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potentially better than him. He can't fall into this, this default mode or even progress backwards
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in order to feel good about himself. He's got to go forward into a position where he may not feel as
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good about himself, putting yourself out there and doing new things and engaging in new hobbies and
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saying yes to the things that you've never said yes to before and taking calculated risks, all gives
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you an opportunity to get a new perspective about where you actually stand and how well you're
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actually performing. I know it's not easy guys. And I know this is kind of maybe an interesting
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conversation that we're having is balancing ego and self-awareness and the humility conversation.
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Like we're told from the time that we're little boys, not to progress, not to excel, not to think too
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highly of yourself, not to be excited about who you are and what you're good at. I'm, I'm suggesting to you
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the opposite. Like if you're good at something, acknowledge that you're good at something,
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acknowledge that you have strengths, acknowledge that this is, this is something that, that you've,
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you, a skill you've developed and grown and expanded. And also acknowledge that maybe you're
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not as good as you think you are in some other areas. This is about truth. And I don't think you can
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actually be humble if you don't have some level of pride in who you are because pride comes from
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competency. You can't be humble. If you don't have competency, like it might just be a sign of, of,
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of weakness or passivity in order for you to truly be humble, you need to have some very good and
00:23:43.400
developed capabilities and skillsets. And then being humble to continue to learn and grow and get better
00:23:51.620
in not only those areas, but new areas you've never even considered before. This is why I'm really
00:23:56.480
motivated and inspired by a lot of people who are trying new things. Kip is, is one of them by all
00:24:03.280
accounts. He has no right at all and no business starting an organization, starting a company called
00:24:09.800
big truck farm brewery that, that, that does a American brewery. Like he has no right to do that.
00:24:16.160
No business doing that. And yet I'm inspired and motivated by him because he's self-aware.
00:24:21.360
Like he knows what he's good at and what he's not good at. He brings in advisors and consultants who
00:24:26.040
can help him. He has enough ego or pride in who he is and what he's done in the past that he knows
00:24:33.080
he can make this a success if he does the right things. Then I feel like this is an individual
00:24:37.780
who's found the balance between ego and self-awareness. And this is the thing that I'm
00:24:41.540
trying to do as well. If, if all you are is self-aware and you aren't willing to have a
00:24:46.440
little ego, that's a problem too, because then you're just poking holes all day long and who you
00:24:51.340
are and what you do and how you show up and where you fall short. And obviously if that's all you ever
00:24:55.700
did your entire life, would you really try anything new? Would you really push yourself outside of
00:25:00.900
your comfort zone? There's, there's a balancing act here guys, and we've got to find it.
00:25:04.640
We got to find the balance between ego and self-awareness. If you're too far to the side
00:25:10.020
of, of ego, you expose yourself to blind spots that you wouldn't see any other way. If you fall
00:25:16.360
too heavily towards the side of self-awareness without having some pride and ego and who you are
00:25:23.180
and what you can do, then you're never going to do anything. And therefore you're never going to
00:25:27.420
amount to anything and you're not going to serve anyone. So I hope at a minimum, this conversation
00:25:32.600
gets you thinking differently than what the script of, of popular culture would say, which is don't
00:25:38.660
think highly of yourself. It's bad, right? It's bad to be proud of who you are. It's bad to,
00:25:44.440
to have any strengths. And, and, and also if you have strengths, then that means it came at the
00:25:49.460
expense of other people. Of course it didn't. Of course it didn't. And yet many people would have
00:25:55.020
you believe that. I think that stems from a bleeding heart, but I also think it stems from the fact that
00:26:01.000
these people have no skills and they aren't willing to develop them and articulate them the way that
00:26:06.060
you are. And so rather than getting better, they're going to strive to push you down. And too many of
00:26:12.120
us have bought into the lie that we can't be proud of who we are and what we can do. Be proud of that,
00:26:16.880
but keep it in check by being self-aware. It's what I got for you today, guys. I hope it helps.
00:26:21.560
Please, if you would continue to share, somebody needs to hear this. Somebody who's too far ego,
00:26:26.020
egotistical and somebody who's too far self-aware needs to hear what we're talking about here and
00:26:31.460
the conversations that we're having, not just today, but within the order of man in general,
00:26:35.720
they need to hear the message of reclaiming and restoring masculinity to its proper place,
00:26:40.320
which is that of, of leaders of our homes and our businesses and our communities.
00:26:44.520
We do it with conviction and authority and morality. We're strong. We're bold. We're assertive.
00:26:50.960
We're capable. And we are designed to be men. We're designed to serve. We're designed to protect
00:27:00.660
and provide and preside. We're designed to be active and be physical and be aggressive.
00:27:06.240
We're designed to be logical and rational. The world, much of the world anyways, would have us
00:27:13.020
go the other way. I would consider that that is not the way that we should go. We should in fact
00:27:17.980
be proud of who we are proud of the way that we can show up, take pride in our ability to continue
00:27:24.740
to grow and evolve and make ourselves more capable. That's what the world needs from us as men. And
00:27:29.120
that's my mission. So if you believe in that mission as well, share, share this episode,
00:27:33.620
share the podcast, connect with me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, all at Ryan Mickler. And let's
00:27:40.080
continue the conversation over there. And let's make this thing a global phenomenon that cannot be
00:27:45.500
ignored that lifts men up, pulls people out of poverty, encourages them to start businesses and
00:27:52.520
to grow and expand and serve in their communities and do all the wonderful things that we've been
00:27:55.640
talking about. All right, guys, we're going to wrap it up. I'll be back on Tuesday for our interview
00:28:00.060
show. Appreciate you guys being on this path with me. It means the world to me. We'll be back until
00:28:05.420
then. Go out there, take action, become a man. You are meant to be.
00:28:08.500
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:28:13.160
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.