Order of Man - The Benefits of Brotherhood

00:00:00.000 But accountability requires two things.

00:00:02.780 It requires you to be courageous

00:00:04.700 when you see other men who you care about

00:00:07.080 that are struggling to actually say something

00:00:08.900 because there's a risk associated with that.

00:00:10.940 You could alienate the friendship.

00:00:12.700 If, for example, when I was in the throes

00:00:14.880 of my alcohol abuse, somebody came to me and said,

00:00:17.040 hey man, I know you're drinking

00:00:18.460 and it's not a good look

00:00:20.940 and you are ruining your life,

00:00:25.540 you gotta have people like that.

00:00:27.240 You're a man of action.

00:00:30.920 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears

00:00:33.240 and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:35.320 When life knocks you down, you get back up

00:00:37.540 one more time, every time.

00:00:39.740 You are not easily deterred or defeated,

00:00:42.080 rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:44.820 This is your life.

00:00:45.920 This is who you are.

00:00:47.340 This is who you will become.

00:00:49.040 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:51.680 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:57.240 Men, today I wanna talk with you

00:00:58.820 about the benefits of brotherhood.

00:01:00.660 Now, look, I know, if you've been around

00:01:02.500 for any amount of time,

00:01:04.160 you know that I talk about brotherhood quite often.

00:01:06.960 And I talk about it because it's important.

00:01:09.420 And I also talk about it because I have seen

00:01:12.160 tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of men

00:01:15.320 over the past 10 years of doing this

00:01:18.020 that don't have brotherhoods.

00:01:20.220 They don't have men in their corner.

00:01:21.280 In fact, there's studies that suggest

00:01:23.660 that some men, most men, in fact,

00:01:26.440 don't even have three men

00:01:29.020 that they could call in a moment of crisis.

00:01:32.780 Family, friends, colleagues, coworkers,

00:01:35.800 long lost friends from high school, nobody.

00:01:39.900 And that's a really sad state of affairs.

00:01:42.400 And it's sad because we as men are designed

00:01:46.560 to operate and work with other men.

00:01:50.180 That is the reality.

00:01:51.020 And it isn't until the ease of modernity

00:01:53.700 where we've actually become accustomed

00:01:57.140 to doing life alone.

00:01:59.820 And we've become so accustomed to doing life alone

00:02:02.540 that oftentimes we make up clever and cute little phrases

00:02:05.960 like alpha wolf and omega wolf and the lone wolf

00:02:09.740 and all this kind of nonsense

00:02:11.300 to justify our lack of ability

00:02:15.760 to connect in a very powerful, positive way

00:02:19.500 with other high caliber men.

00:02:22.440 Today, I'm going to talk with you

00:02:23.620 about five benefits of brotherhood.

00:02:27.660 And I'm also going to talk with you

00:02:29.020 about why it's crucial that you do

00:02:32.640 and the negative ramifications

00:02:34.680 if you don't band with other people.

00:02:37.780 Now, I will say full disclosure,

00:02:39.220 we're in our open enrollment period

00:02:41.080 with the Iron Council.

00:02:42.320 The Iron Council is our brotherhood.

00:02:44.740 And as I go through these benefits,

00:02:46.240 I'm going to explain to some degree

00:02:48.040 how the Iron Council fills this need.

00:02:50.860 But even if you decide or have decided

00:02:52.820 that you don't want to join our brotherhood,

00:02:55.060 these are all still going to be advantageous to you

00:02:57.880 to understand so that you can either formulate

00:02:59.780 your own brotherhood

00:03:00.700 or potentially find another sort of brotherhood

00:03:04.900 to join that's going to serve you well.

00:03:06.900 So regardless of where you want to take your journey

00:03:10.460 into connecting with other high caliber,

00:03:12.840 like-minded men,

00:03:13.820 this will serve you today.

00:03:14.880 So let's just jump right into this today.

00:03:16.980 Again, I want to start first and foremost

00:03:18.860 with what happens if you don't band with a brotherhood.

00:03:23.580 Thoreau said,

00:03:24.720 men are leading quiet lives of desperation.

00:03:29.620 And I think that's true.

00:03:31.140 I've felt that way.

00:03:32.820 And I know that's true

00:03:33.520 because I've talked with so many men

00:03:35.060 who are feeling the same way.

00:03:36.440 On the surface, they look great.

00:03:38.860 They've got a family.

00:03:40.320 They've got income coming in.

00:03:42.380 They've got the social media clout

00:03:44.880 that they've developed.

00:03:46.340 They've got the toys and the house

00:03:48.360 and the look and the persona

00:03:49.680 and they're nailing it.

00:03:51.880 When you just look

00:03:52.840 and take just a snapshot of their life,

00:03:54.620 you look and think,

00:03:55.340 this is a guy who has it all figured out.

00:03:56.840 And yet I can tell you with 100% certainty

00:03:59.360 that the overwhelming majority of men

00:04:02.260 who have the truck,

00:04:04.880 who have the house,

00:04:06.020 who have the trophy wife,

00:04:07.520 who have the two and a half kids,

00:04:08.720 who have the picket fence,

00:04:10.340 who own a business

00:04:12.260 and have the social media score

00:04:16.560 and wear the right clothes

00:04:18.340 and say the right things

00:04:19.420 and do all the activities

00:04:20.460 they're quote unquote supposed to do.

00:04:22.400 The majority of these men are miserable.

00:04:25.780 I've been there.

00:04:27.380 By any objective metric,

00:04:28.880 you can take a snapshot of my life right now

00:04:30.760 and think that guy's got it figured out.

00:04:32.840 But that's not true.

00:04:35.180 I don't have it all figured out.

00:04:36.520 I've got some things figured out

00:04:37.800 and I have other areas in my life

00:04:40.120 in which I need to improve

00:04:41.200 and I'm aware of that

00:04:42.140 and I'm working towards that

00:04:43.380 and I have other men in my corner

00:04:44.940 actively working on behalf of me,

00:04:48.840 for me,

00:04:49.780 because they care about me.

00:04:51.880 And in return,

00:04:53.040 I'm doing the same thing for them.

00:04:55.760 So I want you to ask yourself,

00:04:57.620 are you doing okay?

00:05:03.440 Truly, are you okay?

00:05:07.140 I know you've got the income.

00:05:09.840 I know life is probably pretty good.

00:05:13.560 I know you're busy.

00:05:14.680 That's another thing guys like to say.

00:05:16.620 How you doing?

00:05:17.120 Oh man, good.

00:05:17.820 I'm good.

00:05:18.180 I'm good.

00:05:18.420 I'm busy.

00:05:18.900 I'm good.

00:05:21.020 As if busy is the metric

00:05:22.460 that defines success in our lives

00:05:23.800 or fulfillment.

00:05:24.580 It isn't.

00:05:25.840 I'm busy.

00:05:27.120 I don't want to be busy.

00:05:28.700 That's not my aim.

00:05:30.780 I'm trying to be productive.

00:05:31.800 I'm trying to be effective.

00:05:32.860 I'm trying to be fulfilled.

00:05:34.120 I'm trying to serve other people.

00:05:35.340 But busy is not a metric

00:05:37.340 I'm interested in.

00:05:40.220 But how are you?

00:05:43.360 When the people in your life,

00:05:44.920 whether it's your family members,

00:05:46.140 friends, colleagues,

00:05:46.920 co-workers, etc.,

00:05:47.840 see you,

00:05:48.600 they're probably looking at you

00:05:49.700 and saying,

00:05:50.100 oh, that guy's got things figured out.

00:05:51.280 He's got the truck.

00:05:51.900 He's got the house.

00:05:52.500 He's got the wife.

00:05:53.120 He's got the kids.

00:05:53.720 He's got the job.

00:05:54.480 He's got the income.

00:05:55.240 He's got the this.

00:05:55.860 He's got the that.

00:05:57.680 But how are you?

00:06:01.080 When you put your head on the pillow

00:06:02.540 every single night,

00:06:03.760 how quickly do you fall asleep?

00:06:08.540 When you're tempted throughout the day

00:06:10.700 to engage of your vice of choice,

00:06:13.700 what are you trying to escape from?

00:06:16.080 What are you trying to run away from?

00:06:23.060 And why don't you have the life

00:06:24.740 that you desire?

00:06:27.900 Why haven't you created the life

00:06:29.500 that you don't need to escape from?

00:06:31.200 You don't need to run away from.

00:06:33.420 Now, look,

00:06:34.080 I'm not casting stones.

00:06:35.960 I've been there.

00:06:36.780 If you've been with this movement

00:06:39.340 for any amount of time,

00:06:40.620 you know I've dealt with alcohol abuse.

00:06:43.660 I went through a divorce

00:06:44.460 a little over two years ago,

00:06:46.380 trying to rebuild relationships

00:06:48.040 with my kids

00:06:49.660 and mend those relationships.

00:06:51.240 And obviously,

00:06:52.040 the business in the meantime

00:06:53.360 was impacted by that.

00:06:54.920 So the last two years

00:06:56.420 have been a struggle at times,

00:07:00.060 but an opportunity to rebuild.

00:07:03.480 So I'm not casting stones

00:07:06.220 and I'm not even casting judgment.

00:07:07.660 I just know what it feels like.

00:07:09.600 I know what it feels like to be alone.

00:07:13.740 I know what it feels like

00:07:15.040 to be empty inside.

00:07:18.200 I know what it feels like

00:07:19.480 to be struggling with

00:07:20.680 mental and emotional turmoil

00:07:24.900 that seems hard to manage

00:07:27.360 and deal with.

00:07:30.980 But I do also know

00:07:32.480 that having a solid group of men

00:07:35.000 who love me,

00:07:37.040 who care about me,

00:07:38.680 so much so that they're willing

00:07:41.240 to say the truth

00:07:42.220 about my own performance

00:07:44.080 or lack thereof

00:07:44.880 is what helped me get out

00:07:47.660 of the darkest times of my life.

00:07:50.760 And if you're feeling alone

00:07:52.320 or empty

00:07:53.860 or isolated

00:07:55.160 or frustrated

00:07:56.580 or contentious

00:07:58.720 or you're sedating with drugs

00:08:01.120 or alcohol

00:08:01.760 or pornography

00:08:02.620 or womanizing

00:08:03.460 or gambling

00:08:04.220 or procrastination

00:08:05.460 or name your thing,

00:08:08.100 I would suggest to you

00:08:11.060 that maybe

00:08:11.740 you need to surround yourself

00:08:13.560 with better men.

00:08:17.060 You need to surround yourself

00:08:18.680 with family men.

00:08:20.080 You need to surround yourself

00:08:21.260 with successful entrepreneurs.

00:08:22.940 You need to surround yourself

00:08:24.460 with people who are

00:08:25.960 healthy

00:08:27.180 and fit

00:08:28.140 and strong

00:08:28.980 and wealthy

00:08:29.820 and generous

00:08:31.080 and virtuous

00:08:31.980 and righteous.

00:08:35.380 And if you've got it all figured out,

00:08:37.060 that's great.

00:08:38.100 I think that is great.

00:08:41.160 I'm not even saying that sarcastically.

00:08:42.600 If you've got it all figured out

00:08:43.660 and everything in your life

00:08:44.840 is dialed in,

00:08:45.540 that's good.

00:08:46.240 That's what I want.

00:08:47.980 And I would suggest

00:08:48.920 if that truly is the case,

00:08:50.420 then you know

00:08:50.980 you have good relationships,

00:08:52.380 not just with

00:08:53.120 your romantic interest,

00:08:54.700 not just with your kids

00:08:55.820 or your coworkers,

00:08:57.060 but with other men

00:08:58.380 who care about you

00:08:59.240 and men you care about.

00:09:02.080 It is imperative

00:09:03.220 that we find good men,

00:09:05.700 righteous men,

00:09:06.800 capable men,

00:09:08.480 honest men

00:09:09.440 who we can partner with

00:09:12.000 to varying degrees

00:09:13.380 in our lives

00:09:13.920 to achieve the results

00:09:15.240 that we desire.

00:09:16.160 Let's get into

00:09:16.960 the five benefits

00:09:18.300 that I've identified

00:09:19.140 for having a brotherhood.

00:09:22.160 And I'm trying to take this

00:09:23.020 from a different angle

00:09:23.640 because I talk about this

00:09:24.420 all the time.

00:09:24.820 But again,

00:09:25.140 I only talk about it

00:09:26.020 because it is so crucial.

00:09:27.840 So let's talk about it.

00:09:29.740 Number one,

00:09:30.660 belonging.

00:09:32.600 Belonging.

00:09:34.060 I'm a pretty practical,

00:09:35.840 pragmatic person.

00:09:37.400 I tend to look at things

00:09:38.840 and evaluate and analyze

00:09:41.360 if I should be doing that thing

00:09:42.620 based on its utility to me.

00:09:46.360 Will this add value to my life?

00:09:49.560 Can I quantify the value

00:09:51.160 that it will add?

00:09:51.900 If I'm going to invest,

00:09:52.700 for example,

00:09:53.120 in this business

00:09:53.920 and I'm going to invest,

00:09:55.560 let's say,

00:09:55.900 $10,000 a month,

00:09:57.140 I need to make sure

00:09:58.520 that that investment

00:09:59.220 is yielding $10,001

00:10:00.700 every single month.

00:10:02.400 And if it's not,

00:10:02.940 I'm not going to do it.

00:10:04.320 That's my pragmatism

00:10:05.760 speaking up.

00:10:07.440 But belonging is different.

00:10:09.140 It's hard to quantify belonging.

00:10:12.780 You can't say

00:10:13.780 this made me more money.

00:10:14.700 You can't say

00:10:15.280 this helps me,

00:10:16.340 you know,

00:10:17.040 be a better person

00:10:18.400 or this helps me lose weight

00:10:19.900 or this helps me

00:10:20.740 with X, Y, and Z.

00:10:21.920 It's very hard

00:10:22.460 to quantify

00:10:23.000 the power of belonging.

00:10:25.580 But I know

00:10:26.480 with 100% certainty

00:10:28.220 that when a man

00:10:29.060 feels like he belongs

00:10:30.520 to something

00:10:31.100 that is bigger than himself,

00:10:32.520 he will work harder

00:10:34.020 than he would

00:10:35.240 going at it alone.

00:10:39.400 I've been single in my life.

00:10:41.360 I know plenty

00:10:42.120 of young single men.

00:10:42.940 I know plenty

00:10:43.460 of older single men.

00:10:46.780 And it's just

00:10:48.100 not the same.

00:10:50.640 It's not the same

00:10:51.660 when there's no purpose

00:10:52.620 or there's no common interest.

00:10:55.080 I spent a lot

00:10:56.600 of my youth

00:10:57.140 playing sports

00:10:57.940 and I was

00:10:59.860 fairly decent

00:11:00.660 at sports.

00:11:01.800 Not great,

00:11:03.160 which is why

00:11:03.720 my sports

00:11:04.860 for the most part

00:11:06.040 ended after my

00:11:07.420 senior year

00:11:08.180 of high school.

00:11:08.640 But not only

00:11:12.040 did I enjoy

00:11:12.980 playing,

00:11:13.940 I actually

00:11:14.740 played harder

00:11:15.460 because I belonged

00:11:16.380 to something.

00:11:18.440 I grew up

00:11:19.220 in southern Utah.

00:11:20.180 We were the

00:11:20.480 Parowan Rams.

00:11:21.420 And when I put on

00:11:22.240 the Rams jersey,

00:11:23.380 it wasn't about

00:11:24.100 me anymore.

00:11:26.800 It was about

00:11:27.620 the other guys.

00:11:28.780 8, 9, 10,

00:11:29.800 11, 12,

00:11:30.880 15, 20, 30,

00:11:32.180 depending on what sport.

00:11:33.420 Guys that I was with.

00:11:34.880 And I wasn't

00:11:35.500 just representing

00:11:36.320 myself anymore.

00:11:37.260 I was representing

00:11:38.920 the town.

00:11:41.040 I was representing

00:11:42.060 the other players

00:11:43.120 on the team.

00:11:45.520 Do you have

00:11:46.420 that in your life?

00:11:47.800 Do you have

00:11:48.320 belonging?

00:11:50.480 Or are you

00:11:51.060 going at it alone?

00:11:52.840 And I think

00:11:53.700 most of us

00:11:54.340 have the ability

00:11:55.040 to belong to something,

00:11:56.220 but we feel like

00:11:57.020 we're going at it alone.

00:11:57.980 Even in marriages.

00:11:59.500 I've talked with

00:12:00.020 so many men

00:12:00.840 who were married

00:12:01.360 and they've been

00:12:01.700 married for 5,

00:12:02.540 10, 15, 20 years.

00:12:04.180 And they feel like

00:12:05.140 their partner

00:12:05.620 is just a roommate.

00:12:07.260 You don't feel

00:12:09.880 like you're

00:12:10.260 a partnership.

00:12:12.120 You feel like

00:12:12.940 you've got

00:12:13.260 this woman,

00:12:14.280 this stranger

00:12:15.300 almost,

00:12:16.300 living in your house

00:12:17.200 that maybe

00:12:17.920 occasionally has

00:12:18.640 some benefits.

00:12:20.820 That's not

00:12:21.500 what you want.

00:12:22.120 You want to be

00:12:22.560 in a union,

00:12:23.300 right?

00:12:25.540 You want to be

00:12:26.320 partnered up

00:12:27.220 in common goals

00:12:28.360 and common objectives

00:12:29.380 and you want to

00:12:30.040 fight against

00:12:30.520 common enemies.

00:12:31.440 it's the same

00:12:34.640 reason that we

00:12:35.320 get ourselves

00:12:36.000 so oftentimes

00:12:37.120 involved in

00:12:38.540 other sports.

00:12:40.680 Like we want

00:12:41.580 to belong

00:12:42.180 so bad

00:12:43.220 that we'll root

00:12:44.280 on the Eagles

00:12:45.720 or the Chiefs

00:12:46.860 and we'll tell

00:12:47.520 ourselves if they

00:12:48.300 win the Super Bowl

00:12:49.200 that we did it.

00:12:50.820 You didn't do

00:12:51.400 anything.

00:12:52.960 You did

00:12:53.640 absolutely

00:12:54.300 nothing.

00:12:54.440 nothing.

00:12:57.820 And yet you

00:12:58.660 tell yourself

00:12:59.320 that because

00:12:59.820 you want to

00:13:00.280 belong.

00:13:01.560 You want to

00:13:02.280 be part of

00:13:02.900 something great

00:13:03.660 and wonderful

00:13:04.400 and something

00:13:05.020 that's excelling

00:13:06.340 and something

00:13:06.780 that's pushing

00:13:07.260 past barriers

00:13:08.120 and something

00:13:08.680 that's challenging

00:13:09.800 to you.

00:13:13.340 So when it

00:13:14.180 comes to

00:13:14.840 being connected

00:13:15.820 with other men

00:13:16.360 whether it's

00:13:16.720 your brother-in-law,

00:13:17.640 your brother,

00:13:18.240 your father,

00:13:19.020 cousins,

00:13:20.280 co-workers,

00:13:21.340 neighbors,

00:13:22.520 we want to

00:13:23.580 belong to

00:13:24.120 something bigger

00:13:24.840 than ourselves

00:13:25.460 and that leads

00:13:26.340 into point

00:13:26.760 number two

00:13:27.220 which is our

00:13:27.720 usefulness.

00:13:30.200 I had a

00:13:30.980 really,

00:13:31.520 really powerful

00:13:32.220 conversation with

00:13:33.160 a man who's

00:13:33.600 been influential

00:13:34.160 in my life

00:13:34.680 last week.

00:13:35.200 His name is

00:13:35.520 John Eldridge.

00:13:36.480 If you haven't

00:13:36.880 listened to the

00:13:37.340 interview,

00:13:37.880 go listen to it.

00:13:38.780 Actually,

00:13:39.120 it was earlier

00:13:39.620 this week

00:13:40.140 that we released

00:13:41.960 the episode

00:13:42.480 and he talks

00:13:45.100 a lot about

00:13:45.640 the distinctions

00:13:46.340 and these are

00:13:46.880 broad generalities

00:13:47.740 but I think

00:13:48.200 they hold true.

00:13:49.120 The distinction

00:13:49.660 between men

00:13:51.480 and women

00:13:51.900 in what they

00:13:53.140 desire

00:13:53.580 and what

00:13:54.520 John advocates

00:13:55.580 or recommends

00:13:56.260 or suggests

00:13:56.900 is that

00:13:57.620 women are

00:13:59.260 answering the

00:13:59.940 question,

00:14:00.640 am I

00:14:01.300 lovely?

00:14:02.220 Am I

00:14:02.560 worth being

00:14:03.800 loved?

00:14:06.220 And men

00:14:07.200 are more

00:14:07.580 interested in

00:14:08.360 do I have

00:14:09.500 what it takes?

00:14:10.780 Which to me

00:14:11.720 tends to lean

00:14:13.460 more towards

00:14:14.220 not am I

00:14:14.960 loved but

00:14:15.480 am I

00:14:15.820 respected?

00:14:16.440 I don't

00:14:19.220 need to be

00:14:19.840 loved.

00:14:20.500 I don't

00:14:20.720 need to be

00:14:21.100 doted on.

00:14:21.940 I don't

00:14:22.140 need to be

00:14:22.520 taken care

00:14:23.220 of.

00:14:23.500 I just

00:14:23.780 want to

00:14:24.080 know that

00:14:24.460 if I'm

00:14:24.760 taking care

00:14:25.220 of other

00:14:25.500 people that

00:14:26.740 they respect

00:14:27.480 me and

00:14:28.660 my efforts

00:14:29.520 into the

00:14:30.580 relationship.

00:14:32.380 whether that's

00:14:36.340 romantic,

00:14:37.140 whether that's

00:14:37.520 a friendship,

00:14:38.400 whether that's

00:14:38.740 a professional

00:14:39.280 relationship,

00:14:39.880 I just want

00:14:40.620 to know that

00:14:42.300 people acknowledge

00:14:43.100 the contributions

00:14:44.100 I'm making

00:14:44.900 to whatever

00:14:46.640 type of

00:14:47.040 relationship that

00:14:47.780 is and that's

00:14:48.300 the power of

00:14:48.800 being useful.

00:14:49.920 See, a lot

00:14:50.420 of the times

00:14:50.880 when we think

00:14:51.940 about building

00:14:52.800 a band of

00:14:53.300 brothers,

00:14:53.560 we often

00:14:54.480 think,

00:14:55.120 what's in it

00:14:56.640 for me?

00:14:57.660 I'm going

00:14:58.020 to have to

00:14:58.200 invest time

00:14:59.000 and energy

00:14:59.700 and resources

00:15:00.700 and I'm

00:15:01.800 busy as it

00:15:02.400 is and things

00:15:03.400 are hard as

00:15:03.940 they are and

00:15:04.640 I don't know

00:15:04.980 if there's

00:15:05.260 benefits to

00:15:05.920 this and what

00:15:06.500 can this guy

00:15:06.920 do for me?

00:15:07.740 And that

00:15:08.580 should be

00:15:08.840 taken into

00:15:09.320 consideration,

00:15:09.960 but I'd

00:15:11.560 flip that on

00:15:12.020 its head a

00:15:12.460 little bit and

00:15:13.700 consider that

00:15:14.300 maybe the

00:15:14.940 greatest value

00:15:16.180 to you as

00:15:16.900 a man,

00:15:17.360 because as

00:15:17.780 John Eldridge

00:15:18.320 says,

00:15:18.680 we're answering

00:15:19.200 the question,

00:15:19.880 do I have

00:15:20.420 what it takes,

00:15:21.620 which is,

00:15:22.260 am I

00:15:22.460 respectable by

00:15:24.280 other peers,

00:15:25.080 by other men,

00:15:26.240 by the woman

00:15:26.720 in my life,

00:15:27.240 by my

00:15:27.500 children,

00:15:28.200 by my

00:15:28.560 colleagues,

00:15:30.360 then what

00:15:30.880 that means

00:15:31.380 is that

00:15:31.880 one of the

00:15:33.260 greatest benefits

00:15:34.180 of being in

00:15:34.640 a brotherhood

00:15:35.140 is not what

00:15:35.760 you'll get

00:15:36.080 from it,

00:15:36.940 it's what

00:15:37.340 you'll give

00:15:37.800 to it.

00:15:41.120 I don't

00:15:41.680 care how

00:15:42.160 old you

00:15:42.480 are,

00:15:42.680 I don't

00:15:42.820 care where

00:15:43.680 you live,

00:15:44.220 I don't

00:15:44.380 care your

00:15:44.740 station in

00:15:45.380 life,

00:15:45.680 I don't

00:15:45.860 care about

00:15:46.360 your economic

00:15:47.300 status in

00:15:48.240 life,

00:15:48.660 I don't

00:15:49.060 care about

00:15:49.460 your religion,

00:15:50.740 I don't

00:15:51.560 care about

00:15:51.880 any of

00:15:52.140 that.

00:15:53.400 I care

00:15:54.280 about you

00:15:55.680 being

00:15:56.100 valuable and

00:15:57.240 I think

00:15:57.540 you do

00:15:57.920 too,

00:15:58.260 you have

00:15:58.880 so much

00:15:59.540 to offer,

00:16:01.120 you've got

00:16:01.960 insight and

00:16:03.280 you've got

00:16:03.560 experience and

00:16:04.620 you've got

00:16:05.120 heartache and

00:16:06.280 you've got

00:16:06.740 hardship and

00:16:08.900 you have

00:16:09.660 information and

00:16:12.900 spiritual beliefs

00:16:14.620 and cultural

00:16:15.680 upbringings that

00:16:17.560 would actually add

00:16:18.580 value to

00:16:19.180 somebody's life and

00:16:20.000 maybe the best

00:16:21.020 thing that you

00:16:21.460 can have in

00:16:21.940 your life is

00:16:22.440 not to get a

00:16:23.320 bunch of stuff

00:16:23.960 from other

00:16:24.340 people but

00:16:25.820 to feel like

00:16:26.400 you're useful

00:16:27.080 as a man.

00:16:30.460 I feel

00:16:31.520 useful doing

00:16:32.140 this,

00:16:32.440 this is part

00:16:32.860 of my

00:16:33.100 purpose.

00:16:34.280 Yeah,

00:16:34.520 sure,

00:16:35.280 this is my

00:16:35.780 business,

00:16:36.220 this is my

00:16:36.640 livelihood,

00:16:37.280 I make money

00:16:37.960 doing this and

00:16:38.680 I want to make

00:16:39.100 as much money

00:16:39.640 as possible and

00:16:40.320 I want to be

00:16:40.620 very clear about

00:16:41.260 that but also

00:16:42.200 I don't feel

00:16:44.120 valuable just

00:16:45.660 because of my

00:16:46.800 bank account,

00:16:47.920 I feel valuable

00:16:50.480 because I have

00:16:51.380 experience that I

00:16:52.320 think will help

00:16:53.120 you, I think

00:16:55.320 you can use and

00:16:58.340 the best type of

00:16:59.060 messages I get

00:16:59.860 are, hey, I

00:17:00.840 listened to that

00:17:01.300 interview you did

00:17:02.160 with John and

00:17:02.740 here's what I took

00:17:03.340 away and here's

00:17:03.880 how my life

00:17:04.280 changed or I

00:17:07.500 was going through

00:17:08.300 a divorce and I

00:17:09.240 listened to your

00:17:09.760 story about divorce

00:17:10.660 and it helped me

00:17:12.540 get through the

00:17:13.080 hardest time of

00:17:14.080 my life.

00:17:14.700 It wasn't

00:17:17.000 about the

00:17:17.480 dollars and

00:17:18.040 cents that go

00:17:18.620 into my bank

00:17:19.160 account, it was

00:17:19.800 about me being

00:17:22.100 useful.

00:17:24.760 You can see

00:17:25.700 over my shoulder

00:17:26.300 here, you can't

00:17:27.500 see it, it's kind

00:17:27.980 of faded out but

00:17:30.240 on that crest right

00:17:32.460 there it says

00:17:33.020 protect, provide,

00:17:34.200 preside.

00:17:36.420 Usefulness,

00:17:37.340 service to

00:17:37.900 others and I

00:17:40.060 think and I

00:17:41.000 spent some time

00:17:42.360 with a business

00:17:43.300 organization called

00:17:44.300 Business Network

00:17:44.980 International, B&I

00:17:46.000 for short and

00:17:48.160 Ivan Meisner, he's

00:17:49.140 the founder of

00:17:50.160 B&I, I don't

00:17:51.140 even think he's

00:17:51.560 with B&I anymore

00:17:52.340 but he had this

00:17:54.440 motto and I live

00:17:55.480 by this, givers

00:17:56.780 gain, givers

00:17:59.320 gain, the men

00:18:00.800 who give the

00:18:01.360 most gain the

00:18:02.140 most and so

00:18:03.300 while the

00:18:04.400 doctrine of

00:18:04.860 popular culture

00:18:05.580 says to get

00:18:06.380 yours, to only

00:18:07.880 worry about you,

00:18:09.120 this is a zero

00:18:09.940 sum game, if

00:18:11.920 somebody else is

00:18:12.540 taking, you're not

00:18:13.280 getting, if you're

00:18:13.940 taking, they're not

00:18:14.660 getting, that

00:18:15.240 isn't, that's

00:18:16.240 not real, give, if

00:18:20.320 you want to be

00:18:20.780 loved, love on

00:18:21.960 other people, if

00:18:23.280 you want to be

00:18:23.680 respected, respect

00:18:24.720 other people, if

00:18:26.100 you want people to

00:18:26.920 listen to you, then

00:18:28.940 you need to listen

00:18:29.520 to them, if you

00:18:31.900 want them to serve

00:18:32.980 you in times of

00:18:33.800 crisis, we'll talk

00:18:34.640 about that in a

00:18:35.100 minute, then you

00:18:36.000 need to serve them

00:18:36.780 in times of crisis,

00:18:37.980 if you want to learn

00:18:38.780 something, teach

00:18:39.620 something, the more

00:18:42.120 useful you are, the

00:18:43.760 better you will

00:18:44.660 feel, and having a

00:18:46.440 brotherhood, whether

00:18:47.060 it's the Iron

00:18:47.500 Council, or

00:18:48.180 something else, or

00:18:49.020 something you create

00:18:49.800 on your own, is

00:18:51.200 going to create the,

00:18:53.080 I was going to say

00:18:55.100 Petri dish, but that

00:18:56.140 kind of doesn't sound

00:18:56.840 right, but it creates

00:18:58.660 the habitat, I won't

00:19:00.580 say that, the habitat

00:19:01.780 for adding value and

00:19:08.860 being valuable in

00:19:09.780 people's lives.

00:19:10.520 All right, let's

00:19:10.820 move to point number

00:19:11.440 three, insight.

00:19:13.760 You need insight.

00:19:15.820 You have to have

00:19:16.800 insight.

00:19:17.560 You cannot move to

00:19:19.980 a place in your

00:19:21.220 life if you don't

00:19:23.260 have new information

00:19:24.400 that will help you

00:19:25.860 get better, and the

00:19:27.120 only people who know

00:19:28.300 that information are

00:19:29.320 the men, and

00:19:30.240 sometimes, in some

00:19:31.280 cases, women as

00:19:31.960 well, who know more

00:19:34.880 than you about

00:19:35.440 things.

00:19:37.200 If I want to get

00:19:38.100 stronger, I can't

00:19:40.240 get stronger with

00:19:41.240 the basic information

00:19:42.460 that I have right

00:19:43.120 now.

00:19:44.220 I need new

00:19:45.260 information.

00:19:46.960 I need new

00:19:47.760 ideas.

00:19:49.680 I need new

00:19:50.500 concepts.

00:19:51.020 I need things that

00:19:51.620 work better.

00:19:53.500 So, I was on a

00:19:54.180 podcast earlier today,

00:19:55.880 and the gentleman

00:19:57.240 asked me a question.

00:19:58.020 He says, what is it,

00:19:58.960 what's the one thing

00:19:59.840 that helps you make

00:20:00.500 better decisions?

00:20:02.520 And I said, the one

00:20:03.460 thing that helps me

00:20:04.100 make better decisions

00:20:04.940 is finding somebody

00:20:06.220 who's doing or has

00:20:07.520 what I want, and

00:20:08.580 asking them what they

00:20:09.600 did to get it, and

00:20:10.300 then doing that.

00:20:12.540 Because I don't know

00:20:13.360 what I don't know.

00:20:17.360 I don't know how to

00:20:20.000 achieve the level of

00:20:22.160 wealth I desire.

00:20:23.000 I have to figure that

00:20:23.800 out.

00:20:26.160 I don't know how to

00:20:27.700 complete a marathon.

00:20:28.600 I have to figure that

00:20:29.320 out.

00:20:30.460 And I can't figure it

00:20:31.580 out on my own.

00:20:32.140 I don't know how to

00:20:33.440 connect with certain

00:20:34.640 people on the podcast.

00:20:35.520 I don't know how to

00:20:36.540 be a better father

00:20:37.340 than I currently am.

00:20:38.440 I don't know these

00:20:39.700 things.

00:20:40.660 I have hopes and

00:20:41.620 dreams and desires,

00:20:42.420 but I have to find

00:20:43.280 people who I have

00:20:44.820 access to who will

00:20:46.600 teach me how to

00:20:47.760 build wealth, who

00:20:49.420 will teach me how to

00:20:50.600 make the business

00:20:51.800 more successful, who

00:20:53.380 will teach me how to

00:20:54.220 be more empathetic and

00:20:56.080 more kind and more

00:20:57.280 connected to my

00:20:59.260 girlfriend and her

00:21:01.460 daughter and my

00:21:02.480 kids and other

00:21:03.660 people in my life.

00:21:05.520 I need access to

00:21:07.380 that information.

00:21:08.380 Sometimes I feel

00:21:09.120 very selfish with

00:21:10.840 Order of Man because

00:21:11.860 I've interviewed

00:21:13.420 around, give or

00:21:15.280 take, 500 very,

00:21:16.800 very successful men

00:21:17.640 at this point.

00:21:20.380 And I gain so

00:21:22.840 much value.

00:21:23.880 People often say,

00:21:24.740 like, who's your

00:21:25.140 best guest?

00:21:25.720 They're all my best

00:21:26.460 guests.

00:21:27.540 Because I'm trying to

00:21:28.440 learn and glean

00:21:29.140 information from every

00:21:30.300 single person that I'm

00:21:31.200 able to have on the

00:21:31.720 podcast.

00:21:32.000 podcast.

00:21:36.540 You guys need

00:21:37.500 insight.

00:21:38.880 And sometimes we get

00:21:40.020 a little too arrogant,

00:21:40.980 we get a little too

00:21:41.480 prideful or egotistical

00:21:42.900 and we think, ah, we

00:21:44.340 just, we got this

00:21:44.980 figure, I'm good, I'm

00:21:45.780 good.

00:21:46.980 And then those are the

00:21:48.540 guys who go to bed at

00:21:49.540 night or at least put

00:21:50.300 their head on the

00:21:50.740 pillow and they can't

00:21:51.500 fall asleep because

00:21:53.180 they're stressed about

00:21:55.540 their lack of

00:21:56.040 performance across all

00:21:57.360 arenas of their

00:21:58.000 lives.

00:21:58.340 Find people who are

00:22:01.720 doing what you want

00:22:02.640 to do and get

00:22:03.520 insight from them so

00:22:04.620 you can replicate their

00:22:05.560 results.

00:22:06.500 All right, number

00:22:06.940 four, support.

00:22:09.400 I told you a little

00:22:10.280 bit about my

00:22:12.200 struggles with

00:22:13.060 alcohol abuse and

00:22:14.680 also the breakdown

00:22:17.260 of my 18-year

00:22:19.300 marriage two years

00:22:20.480 ago, a little over

00:22:21.560 now.

00:22:23.360 And I needed

00:22:25.240 support.

00:22:25.800 support.

00:22:29.100 And like

00:22:29.780 sometimes I just

00:22:30.700 needed somebody to

00:22:31.340 say, hey man, it's

00:22:31.940 going to be okay.

00:22:32.720 Like, you're good.

00:22:34.360 It's okay.

00:22:35.500 I'm here for you.

00:22:36.240 You got this.

00:22:37.220 Other times I needed

00:22:39.020 insight.

00:22:41.680 Other times I needed

00:22:43.060 men to say, knock

00:22:45.520 that shit off.

00:22:46.240 Like, come on.

00:22:48.420 Like, get up, get to

00:22:50.180 work, do what you

00:22:51.420 need to do.

00:22:52.660 I needed that.

00:22:53.660 I just got off the

00:22:55.280 phone with a good

00:22:55.800 friend of mine and he

00:22:57.080 had told me that last

00:22:57.940 week him and his wife

00:22:59.080 had a conversation

00:22:59.980 that they are headed

00:23:03.120 towards divorce.

00:23:04.180 She decided she didn't

00:23:05.340 want to work on it and

00:23:06.280 now they're moving

00:23:07.980 towards divorce.

00:23:09.620 That guy needs

00:23:10.480 support.

00:23:12.640 He needs to know that

00:23:14.120 people care about him.

00:23:16.360 And the hard part is I

00:23:18.400 can't really do

00:23:19.700 anything.

00:23:20.960 At least that's what

00:23:23.040 we think.

00:23:24.160 Like, I can't give

00:23:24.820 him money.

00:23:25.460 I can't do his work

00:23:28.040 for him.

00:23:28.460 Like, there's things

00:23:28.940 that I just can't do.

00:23:29.960 And naturally, we as

00:23:31.060 men gravitate towards

00:23:31.980 that.

00:23:32.160 Like, what can I do?

00:23:32.840 What, like, what can I

00:23:34.520 shoulder for you that you

00:23:35.600 can't shoulder for

00:23:36.300 yourself?

00:23:36.740 And what I'm realizing

00:23:37.560 is that sometimes there's

00:23:39.780 just nothing you can do

00:23:40.900 other than just listen to

00:23:42.700 a guy unload his

00:23:43.780 baggage.

00:23:47.280 Do you have somebody

00:23:48.380 like that?

00:23:48.840 Do you have somebody who

00:23:49.500 will listen to you?

00:23:51.900 Now, look, you know me.

00:23:53.820 I'm not an advocate for

00:23:55.080 just unloading your

00:23:55.920 baggage on people

00:23:56.760 forever and all the

00:23:57.880 time because at some

00:23:58.660 point, like, I'm not

00:24:00.460 being useful anymore to

00:24:01.560 go to a previous point

00:24:02.600 and I'm just extracting

00:24:04.000 resources, their time,

00:24:05.360 their energy, their

00:24:06.820 commitment, just because.

00:24:08.260 Like, I'm not going to

00:24:09.380 wallow in that.

00:24:10.120 But you know what?

00:24:10.760 Sometimes it'd be pretty

00:24:11.560 nice to say, hey, man,

00:24:12.440 I'm dealing with this

00:24:13.140 shit and I just need you

00:24:15.060 to listen to me for a

00:24:15.960 minute and if you have a

00:24:16.800 thought or whatever, I

00:24:17.540 don't even need you to

00:24:18.280 solve my problem.

00:24:19.300 I just need you to say

00:24:21.840 like, dude, you're going

00:24:22.660 to be okay.

00:24:23.220 You got this.

00:24:27.920 That's amazing.

00:24:29.560 Or sometimes I need

00:24:30.840 somebody to say, and I'm

00:24:31.800 going to talk about this

00:24:32.420 in a minute, somebody to

00:24:34.060 say, hey, stop being a

00:24:36.680 little bitch and actually

00:24:38.660 like go to work.

00:24:40.960 Get up on time.

00:24:43.000 Do what you said you're

00:24:44.000 going to do.

00:24:44.520 Hey, you didn't hold

00:24:46.340 this meeting or you

00:24:47.140 didn't, you told me you

00:24:48.800 were going to do this and

00:24:49.460 you didn't do it.

00:24:50.260 Like, sometimes I need

00:24:51.320 that.

00:24:54.280 But the support of having

00:24:55.840 a brotherhood is

00:24:56.920 immeasurable.

00:24:59.500 It's crucial.

00:25:01.880 And yet we think because

00:25:03.220 our lives are fairly

00:25:04.840 relatively easy for the

00:25:07.700 most part.

00:25:08.880 And that's not to

00:25:09.460 discount what you might

00:25:10.160 be going through, but

00:25:11.160 going through a divorce

00:25:12.980 is not the end of the

00:25:13.800 world.

00:25:14.260 Now, I know if you're

00:25:14.980 going through a divorce

00:25:15.720 and separate, I know it

00:25:16.660 feels like that because

00:25:17.700 I've been there.

00:25:18.280 It's not though.

00:25:20.880 Having an argument with

00:25:21.980 a spouse or even being

00:25:24.100 laid off from a job or

00:25:25.860 dealing with a temporary

00:25:26.660 medical condition or

00:25:28.300 failing to get the

00:25:29.140 promotion, it's not the

00:25:30.380 end of the world.

00:25:31.620 The end of the world is

00:25:32.800 when you tap out, that's

00:25:34.600 it.

00:25:35.480 When you're done and God

00:25:36.800 calls you home, the

00:25:38.720 rest of the stuff is

00:25:39.660 manageable.

00:25:40.600 It might be hard, but

00:25:42.740 it's manageable.

00:25:44.800 But what makes it

00:25:45.840 better is having

00:25:47.160 support.

00:25:48.780 I actually posted this

00:25:50.100 question in our Facebook

00:25:51.080 group, which you can

00:25:51.700 find at facebook.com

00:25:52.940 slash groups slash

00:25:54.460 order of man.

00:25:55.160 I said, what would you

00:25:55.780 look for in a

00:25:56.320 brotherhood or in your

00:25:57.920 experience, what is the

00:25:58.940 benefit of a brotherhood

00:25:59.840 and what would you look

00:26:01.360 for?

00:26:01.660 And I got a lot of

00:26:04.240 responses from men,

00:26:07.140 dozens, that said, you

00:26:08.940 know, I really want

00:26:10.100 somebody to listen and

00:26:12.780 hear what I have to say

00:26:13.540 without judgment.

00:26:15.200 That's a tall order for

00:26:16.220 men because we're always

00:26:17.680 judging.

00:26:18.460 It's not always bad either,

00:26:19.640 by the way.

00:26:21.620 But we're always

00:26:22.300 evaluating.

00:26:23.140 Hey, don't do this.

00:26:23.880 Don't do that.

00:26:24.420 You should do this.

00:26:25.060 You shouldn't do that.

00:26:26.260 And there is some

00:26:27.340 merit to that.

00:26:29.380 But what if a guy was

00:26:30.640 dealing with substance

00:26:31.540 abuse or a guy was

00:26:32.620 dealing with a breakdown

00:26:33.460 in his marriage or a

00:26:34.500 guy was dealing with

00:26:35.620 losing a job or maybe

00:26:39.000 he did something dumb at

00:26:40.080 work or he got in some

00:26:41.020 legal trouble or maybe

00:26:42.260 infidelity and you

00:26:44.620 actually had guys in your

00:26:45.700 corner who didn't

00:26:47.620 judge you.

00:26:48.180 They may judge the

00:26:48.920 action.

00:26:50.740 Getting yourself into

00:26:51.760 legal trouble, I would

00:26:52.680 judge the action.

00:26:53.540 But I'm still here for

00:26:57.080 you.

00:26:58.000 I still care about you.

00:27:00.320 I still want you to

00:27:01.360 overcome whatever it is

00:27:02.400 you're dealing with.

00:27:03.680 If you're a drunk or a

00:27:04.960 drug addict, if you're a

00:27:06.600 womanizer, if you're a

00:27:08.000 cheater, I don't condone

00:27:09.720 the action by any means.

00:27:11.320 Not in you and not in

00:27:12.420 myself.

00:27:13.140 But I still care about

00:27:14.420 you.

00:27:17.060 I still want you to win.

00:27:18.540 I still want you to be

00:27:19.340 successful.

00:27:21.640 And that's the power of

00:27:22.680 having support.

00:27:23.540 All right, let's talk

00:27:24.260 about the last thing

00:27:24.920 here.

00:27:26.940 Accountability.

00:27:27.520 Now, I don't even like

00:27:29.520 using that word.

00:27:30.180 It's like vulnerability to

00:27:31.180 me.

00:27:31.360 It's just such a catch

00:27:32.920 all.

00:27:34.440 It doesn't actually mean

00:27:35.820 anything anymore because

00:27:36.980 everybody uses it.

00:27:37.960 I just want accountability.

00:27:39.080 What does that mean?

00:27:42.780 And why do I need

00:27:44.160 accountability?

00:27:45.940 Is that something I

00:27:46.860 should even need?

00:27:48.320 Well, I think there's

00:27:48.900 tiers.

00:27:49.240 And I would suggest that

00:27:51.380 the lower tier of

00:27:52.120 accountability is

00:27:52.800 accountability to other

00:27:53.580 people.

00:27:55.000 Your boss says you need

00:27:55.920 to be here on time, so

00:27:56.620 you need to be here on

00:27:57.120 time.

00:27:57.460 That's not accountability

00:27:58.260 to yourself.

00:27:58.960 That's accountability to

00:28:00.040 if I don't do this, I'm

00:28:00.960 going to get in trouble

00:28:01.440 and lose my job.

00:28:03.960 If your wife says, hey,

00:28:05.540 you know, the kid's game

00:28:06.840 or dance recital is at

00:28:08.220 this time and you don't

00:28:09.840 show up, that's, yeah,

00:28:11.160 that's sure.

00:28:11.840 That's accountability, but

00:28:13.640 that's not really

00:28:14.300 commitment.

00:28:14.960 It's just compliance.

00:28:15.920 Like, if I don't show

00:28:17.040 up, I'm going to be in

00:28:18.140 the doghouse and I'm not

00:28:19.020 going to get laid.

00:28:21.080 And although it's a

00:28:23.260 lower tier, there still

00:28:24.180 is a place for it.

00:28:26.620 There still is a place

00:28:27.820 for accountability.

00:28:28.820 To go back to what I

00:28:29.740 was saying about being

00:28:30.480 on sports teams, a lot

00:28:33.200 of the times it's just

00:28:33.940 accountability to the

00:28:34.780 guys that are on the

00:28:35.700 field with you.

00:28:37.200 That guy's showing up,

00:28:38.200 that guy's showing up,

00:28:39.000 that guy's showing up,

00:28:39.780 he's doing his part, he's

00:28:40.860 doing his part, and I'm

00:28:42.360 not going to be the

00:28:42.920 weak link.

00:28:44.380 I'm going to bust my

00:28:45.340 ass so that I can be a

00:28:46.860 contributing member, to

00:28:48.160 go back to our

00:28:48.660 usefulness point, of this

00:28:50.880 team.

00:28:51.680 And that's good.

00:28:53.820 Because accountability to

00:28:55.240 other people drives us to

00:28:56.840 make better choices.

00:28:57.900 There's an upper tier of

00:28:59.500 accountability, and that's

00:29:00.320 accountability to

00:29:00.980 yourself.

00:29:01.420 And you know when you've

00:29:02.340 reached that level of

00:29:03.320 accountability, because you

00:29:05.140 do things, because you

00:29:07.220 said you would do them.

00:29:09.480 That's it.

00:29:11.460 You do things because you

00:29:12.940 said you would do them.

00:29:13.880 I work out every day, just

00:29:16.020 about 90% of the time, with

00:29:19.340 a good friend of mine.

00:29:20.260 His name is Woody.

00:29:21.940 And we go in the morning, 6

00:29:24.080 a.m., Monday through Friday,

00:29:26.780 and sometimes he goes in the

00:29:28.600 evenings.

00:29:29.440 In addition to it, sometimes I

00:29:30.960 might hit a Saturday, and he

00:29:31.960 doesn't like, but we're there

00:29:33.040 five days a week.

00:29:35.640 And it's nice because when I

00:29:38.020 wake up and I don't feel like I

00:29:39.660 want to go to the gym, I'm

00:29:40.560 like, damn, I know Woody's in

00:29:41.640 the parking lot waiting for me.

00:29:42.740 I'm not going to let him

00:29:43.540 down.

00:29:44.360 I have, but I do not make

00:29:46.880 that a goal.

00:29:48.080 And I know he'll show up even

00:29:49.960 if he doesn't want to because

00:29:51.540 he knows I'm there waiting for

00:29:52.960 his ass.

00:29:55.300 And that's great.

00:29:57.260 But the upper tier of

00:29:58.660 accountability is if Woody

00:30:01.120 called me maybe at 5 a.m.

00:30:04.380 tomorrow morning or maybe

00:30:06.020 tonight and said, hey, man, I

00:30:08.040 can't make it because I've got

00:30:08.960 meetings and so I won't be

00:30:09.880 able to make it to the gym.

00:30:11.960 The upper tier of

00:30:13.020 accountability is I'm still

00:30:15.240 going to go.

00:30:17.960 It doesn't matter if you're

00:30:19.260 there or not.

00:30:19.740 Like, I'm still going to go

00:30:21.080 because I said I would go.

00:30:22.480 I dedicated myself and I'm

00:30:24.380 committed to this.

00:30:26.380 But we need both.

00:30:28.720 And so it's good to have a guy

00:30:30.280 in your corner who's like, hey,

00:30:31.540 man, you said you were going to

00:30:32.740 train every day and I see that

00:30:34.420 you've only trained three days

00:30:35.560 this week.

00:30:38.120 Or you said you were going to

00:30:39.280 pay off $5,000 of debt this

00:30:41.240 quarter and you haven't.

00:30:43.060 In fact, you've incurred debt.

00:30:44.640 What gives?

00:30:45.380 What's up?

00:30:47.080 Or you said, hey, I'm going to

00:30:48.700 really be a more empathetic

00:30:50.220 leader in my home with my wife

00:30:52.020 and my kids and the guys can

00:30:53.800 see that you're still being the

00:30:54.940 same dick you always were.

00:30:56.400 What's up?

00:30:57.340 What's going on in your life?

00:30:58.440 Tell me.

00:30:59.980 Because you asked me to hold

00:31:01.060 you accountable.

00:31:02.040 And accountability is

00:31:02.720 different.

00:31:03.020 You know, sometimes, as I

00:31:04.080 said earlier, you need the

00:31:05.400 kick in the ass.

00:31:06.500 Like, hey, man, you're

00:31:08.540 screwing up.

00:31:10.440 And I've had people in my

00:31:11.700 life, and I do currently, who

00:31:13.900 would actually say those exact

00:31:15.520 words to me.

00:31:16.060 Hey, man, you're screwing up.

00:31:19.620 I think more highly of you.

00:31:21.360 You can do better.

00:31:22.960 And the people who are

00:31:23.640 credible and have my

00:31:24.680 permission to say those

00:31:25.640 things to me, I won't say I

00:31:27.540 welcome it, but I honor it.

00:31:29.120 I respect it.

00:31:29.780 And sometimes it could be

00:31:32.760 that a guy calls me and he's

00:31:34.080 like, hey, man, like, you seem

00:31:35.320 like you're on edge.

00:31:39.360 You seem like you're frustrated.

00:31:40.800 You seem like you're dealing

00:31:42.880 with some stuff.

00:31:44.160 I did that with a friend probably

00:31:46.560 maybe like three or four months

00:31:49.340 ago, close friend of mine.

00:31:51.600 In fact, we're in similar

00:31:53.020 businesses, and we've been

00:31:53.880 together for a long time in that

00:31:55.780 capacity.

00:31:56.220 And he just didn't seem like

00:31:58.780 himself.

00:31:59.900 We had a conversation, him and

00:32:01.740 me and some other people.

00:32:02.960 He didn't seem like himself.

00:32:04.560 And I could sense it.

00:32:05.840 And we got through our meeting

00:32:06.860 because we were talking about

00:32:07.640 some plans and some

00:32:09.640 accountability.

00:32:10.420 But he just, he seemed off.

00:32:13.080 And I can't remember if I

00:32:14.140 called, I think I called him.

00:32:15.780 And I may have left a

00:32:16.920 voicemail for him.

00:32:18.400 And I said, hey, man, on the

00:32:21.720 call earlier today, all the

00:32:24.520 stuff aside, you seem

00:32:26.840 different.

00:32:27.980 You seemed off.

00:32:30.100 What's going on?

00:32:32.840 And he's like, oh, man, I'm

00:32:35.040 dealing with this injury.

00:32:36.940 And I'm dealing with business

00:32:38.300 woes.

00:32:39.840 And my wife and I have not

00:32:42.160 been awesome over the past

00:32:43.300 couple of months.

00:32:44.420 And he shared some things with

00:32:45.840 me.

00:32:47.360 And he's in a much better spot

00:32:49.080 now.

00:32:49.800 But he shared some things with

00:32:51.140 me that I was like, okay,

00:32:52.380 what do we need to do?

00:32:54.500 Like, let's deal with it.

00:32:55.280 Let's figure it out.

00:32:56.920 And I didn't actually need to

00:32:58.260 do anything in that case.

00:32:59.420 He just needed to get some

00:33:01.000 things off his chest.

00:33:03.180 I can do that.

00:33:04.580 And that's accountability.

00:33:07.260 But accountability requires

00:33:08.700 two things.

00:33:10.420 It requires you to be

00:33:12.100 courageous when you see

00:33:13.200 other men who you care

00:33:14.680 about that are struggling to

00:33:15.780 actually say something.

00:33:17.620 Because there's a risk

00:33:18.500 associated with that.

00:33:19.340 You could alienate the

00:33:20.300 friendship.

00:33:20.600 If, for example,

00:33:23.760 when I was in the throes of

00:33:25.040 my alcohol abuse,

00:33:26.040 somebody came to me and

00:33:26.840 said, hey, man, I know

00:33:27.940 you're drinking.

00:33:29.220 And it's not a good look.

00:33:31.560 And you are

00:33:33.260 ruining your life.

00:33:37.860 You've got to have people

00:33:39.140 like that.

00:33:41.780 But there's a risk.

00:33:43.100 Because I could get

00:33:44.000 offended and I could cut the

00:33:45.200 relationship off.

00:33:46.180 But you know what?

00:33:46.800 If you really have

00:33:47.680 accountability, that person

00:33:49.580 will do that at the risk

00:33:50.860 of losing the

00:33:52.080 relationship because he

00:33:53.520 cares more about you and

00:33:54.680 your success than he does

00:33:55.620 about the relationship or

00:33:58.340 what's in it for him.

00:34:01.800 That's the kind of

00:34:02.560 accountability we need.

00:34:06.200 And also, because I told you

00:34:07.660 there's two things, so it

00:34:08.600 requires being

00:34:09.960 courageous, but it also

00:34:12.500 requires honesty.

00:34:13.880 Now, I don't use the, I

00:34:14.820 don't throw around the term

00:34:16.140 vulnerability very often.

00:34:18.100 I don't even like the

00:34:19.360 word.

00:34:19.540 I'm not going to throw it

00:34:20.100 around right now because I

00:34:20.840 don't like the word.

00:34:23.040 My friend Jack Donovan

00:34:24.380 says, humility and honesty

00:34:27.040 are better words than

00:34:27.980 vulnerability.

00:34:29.100 And that's what's required

00:34:30.300 of you.

00:34:33.460 That if you've committed to

00:34:34.880 being with other men in

00:34:37.260 this thing that we call

00:34:38.120 life in some capacity, then

00:34:40.180 you have to be honest and

00:34:42.260 you have to be humble.

00:34:44.020 Hey guys, I'm struggling

00:34:46.220 with alcohol abuse.

00:34:48.300 Hey guys, my wife said

00:34:50.620 she doesn't love me

00:34:51.360 anymore and I don't know

00:34:53.420 what to do.

00:34:55.040 Or hey guys, I just got

00:34:56.420 back from the doctor.

00:34:58.420 We ran some blood work and

00:35:00.060 I was just diagnosed with

00:35:01.400 prostate cancer.

00:35:05.660 That's hard for men to do.

00:35:09.040 To be honest, to be humble

00:35:11.700 and to say, I don't know.

00:35:13.120 I don't know.

00:35:14.200 I'm scared or I'm

00:35:15.640 concerned or I'm afraid.

00:35:20.400 Most people today would

00:35:21.760 call that vulnerability.

00:35:22.840 I call it honesty and

00:35:23.960 humility with a level of

00:35:26.020 discernment.

00:35:26.680 I don't just go throw my

00:35:28.680 shit out there to

00:35:29.260 everybody, but I bring it

00:35:30.760 up to the people that I've

00:35:32.500 invited into my life.

00:35:35.820 So it requires courage when

00:35:37.340 you need to hold a person

00:35:38.220 accountable and it requires

00:35:39.380 also courage and humility

00:35:41.200 and honesty when you need

00:35:43.260 help.

00:35:45.520 But in culture, you know,

00:35:46.740 you're not, as a man,

00:35:47.760 you're not supposed to do

00:35:48.460 that.

00:35:50.060 You're supposed to have it

00:35:51.160 all figured out, right?

00:35:52.060 Like you, you're supposed

00:35:53.680 to be able to get through

00:35:55.300 it on your own.

00:35:56.440 Bullshit.

00:35:57.240 You're not.

00:35:58.460 We are social creatures.

00:36:01.860 You're not supposed to get

00:36:03.140 through it alone.

00:36:05.680 You're supposed to get

00:36:06.800 through it with other

00:36:07.760 qualified, credible,

00:36:10.060 respectable men.

00:36:11.200 And that's not to discount

00:36:13.880 the relationship that you

00:36:14.820 might have with your wife

00:36:15.720 or kids.

00:36:16.300 There's a place for that.

00:36:17.320 But you know what?

00:36:17.960 There's also a place for

00:36:20.160 other guys because your

00:36:21.600 wife won't always get what

00:36:23.100 you're dealing with.

00:36:23.980 She won't understand.

00:36:25.140 It's not an indictment on

00:36:26.200 her.

00:36:27.920 She just doesn't get it.

00:36:30.260 And by the way, she might

00:36:31.380 be going through things that

00:36:32.280 you don't get.

00:36:33.660 It's not an indictment

00:36:34.600 against you.

00:36:35.940 Just means you're not a

00:36:36.820 woman.

00:36:37.080 You don't get it.

00:36:39.060 She's not a man.

00:36:39.860 She doesn't get it.

00:36:42.140 So sure, be open and be

00:36:44.340 honest with your wife and

00:36:45.480 share the things that

00:36:46.660 you're concerned with and

00:36:47.920 talk about her, with her

00:36:49.460 about your dreams and

00:36:50.540 goals and desires and

00:36:51.640 fears.

00:36:52.040 Sure.

00:36:53.720 But also have men who are

00:36:55.220 like, oh yeah, you know

00:36:56.340 what?

00:36:58.760 I was struggling with

00:36:59.940 infidelity or I was

00:37:01.160 struggling with alcohol

00:37:01.940 abuse or I was struggling

00:37:03.200 with getting passed over

00:37:04.480 for a promotion or I was

00:37:05.800 struggling with thoughts of

00:37:06.760 inadequacy or I was

00:37:07.920 struggling with fill in the

00:37:09.860 blank.

00:37:11.920 And whatever you're going

00:37:13.340 through, I promise

00:37:14.380 everybody else has been

00:37:15.680 there to varying degrees.

00:37:20.000 The other men in your life

00:37:21.160 have been there.

00:37:21.900 They get it.

00:37:23.200 And you're not an island and

00:37:24.420 you don't need to be.

00:37:26.180 You just need to be

00:37:27.140 courageous enough to share,

00:37:29.200 to hold people accountable

00:37:30.920 and to be held accountable.

00:37:32.180 So if you can find that in

00:37:37.100 your community, if you can

00:37:38.500 find that at church, if you

00:37:39.600 can find that in your

00:37:40.220 neighborhood or in your

00:37:41.400 office, where you can find

00:37:42.520 those things, take advantage

00:37:43.860 of it.

00:37:45.460 Absolutely take advantage of

00:37:46.600 it.

00:37:48.660 But if you want some

00:37:49.540 additional help and you want

00:37:50.780 some guidance and direction

00:37:51.800 and you want to feel like you

00:37:52.740 belong to something, you want

00:37:55.040 to add value to people's

00:37:56.340 lives.

00:37:56.540 You want to be useful.

00:37:57.520 You want to gain and glean

00:37:58.680 insight from other people who

00:37:59.940 are doing more than what you

00:38:00.820 are right now.

00:38:01.520 You need the support when

00:38:02.720 things go wrong and you want

00:38:04.320 the accountability and you

00:38:05.440 want to be able to hold other

00:38:06.820 men accountable, then you

00:38:07.960 should join us.

00:38:11.120 We've been doing this for,

00:38:12.660 Order of Man's been around

00:38:13.380 for over 10 years now.

00:38:15.620 Iron Council started not much

00:38:17.360 longer after that, about nine

00:38:18.500 and a half years for Iron

00:38:20.120 Council.

00:38:20.640 We've had tens of thousands of

00:38:22.480 men go through our programs.

00:38:25.500 We've had tens of thousands of

00:38:27.400 men who have rekindled

00:38:28.420 relationships, who have lost

00:38:30.360 weight, who have secured

00:38:31.340 promotions, they've started

00:38:32.640 businesses, they've become more

00:38:34.620 intimate with the women in

00:38:35.500 their lives, they've connected

00:38:37.160 with their kids, they've paid

00:38:39.840 off debt, they've saved money,

00:38:41.980 they've gone on vacations, they've

00:38:43.320 traveled the world, they've gone

00:38:44.480 on adventures, they've learned

00:38:45.520 new hobbies, because we know it

00:38:47.640 works.

00:38:49.200 We have the systems and the tools

00:38:50.740 and the resources and the

00:38:51.760 accountability and everything

00:38:52.960 that a man needs in his life.

00:38:55.200 Not everything.

00:38:56.040 Everything as it relates to

00:38:58.880 brotherhood.

00:39:00.500 And I would encourage you to

00:39:02.000 join us.

00:39:02.740 And if you band with us and

00:39:03.660 you're like, no, it's not for

00:39:04.420 me, just let me know.

00:39:07.040 Give you your money back and

00:39:08.060 say, hey man, what can I do to

00:39:08.940 help?

00:39:09.260 And I'll still support you and

00:39:10.340 advocate for you.

00:39:11.060 You can still listen to the

00:39:11.780 podcast, like you're not shunned

00:39:13.140 from Order of Man.

00:39:14.400 Just wasn't for you.

00:39:16.020 But I think more often than not,

00:39:17.400 you're going to join and you're

00:39:18.100 going to find out this is what

00:39:19.520 was missing.

00:39:19.940 This is how I take my life to

00:39:23.100 the next level.

00:39:24.720 And I hope you take that ask

00:39:27.800 seriously.

00:39:29.180 All right, guys, that's all I've

00:39:30.220 got for you today.

00:39:30.980 Check it out.

00:39:31.620 Go to orderofman.com slash iron

00:39:34.420 council.

00:39:35.080 If you're ready to get signed

00:39:35.960 up, orderofman.com slash iron

00:39:37.720 council.

00:39:38.420 Alternatively, if you're still on

00:39:40.120 the fence, I get it.

00:39:41.300 If you're still on the fence a

00:39:42.460 little bit, go to, excuse me,

00:39:45.920 theironcouncil.com slash preview.

00:39:49.380 On March 31st, 8 p.m.

00:39:52.020 Eastern, we have a preview call

00:39:53.360 where we pull back the curtain.

00:39:55.160 And so if you're thinking, eh,

00:39:56.220 sounds good, but I don't know.

00:39:58.140 Join us on the preview call,

00:39:59.240 theironcouncil.com slash preview.

00:40:01.440 And if you're like, you know

00:40:02.360 what?

00:40:02.600 Nah, I'm off the fence.

00:40:04.640 Let's do it.

00:40:05.800 Worst case scenario, I don't

00:40:06.780 enjoy it.

00:40:07.320 I messaged Ryan and he gives me

00:40:09.800 my money back and I spent a

00:40:11.560 couple of weeks learning some

00:40:12.400 new things and have access to a

00:40:14.240 few new people and a few new

00:40:15.700 ideas.

00:40:16.580 Then head to orderofman.com

00:40:18.700 slash ironcouncil.

00:40:20.820 All right, guys, those are your

00:40:22.420 marching orders.

00:40:23.520 Orderofman.com slash ironcouncil or

00:40:25.420 theironcouncil.com slash preview,

00:40:27.940 depending on where you're at right

00:40:28.900 now.

00:40:29.680 We will be a little bit, excuse me,

00:40:31.940 if I can say that.

00:40:32.600 We will be back next week.

00:40:35.080 Until then, go out there, take

00:40:36.160 action, build your brotherhood, and

00:40:38.400 become the man you are meant to be.

00:40:40.400 Thank you for listening to the

00:40:46.140 Order of Man podcast.

00:40:47.840 You're ready to take charge of your

00:40:49.180 life and be more of the man you

00:40:50.820 were meant to be.

00:40:51.880 We invite you to join the order at

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Order of Man - March 21, 2025

The Benefits of Brotherhood ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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