Order of Man - The Cost of Growth, Setting Standards and Expectations, and Overcoming Negative Self-Talk

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.700 Hey, what's up, man? Glad to be joining you again. I know I was out last week, but here we are in Maine, sitting in what's going to be our library, which is kind of cool.

00:00:35.180 But right now it's just a room filled with boxes. That's all it is.

00:00:39.340 So I don't know what it is.

00:00:40.500 Podcasts around boxes. The boxes are probably serving as like a soundboard, though, so it's actually your built-in studio already.

00:00:47.440 That's exactly right. Yep, that's exactly right.

00:00:49.120 You know, the whole house, it's all wood floors, so it's very echoey if there's nothing in the room.

00:00:57.460 Fortunately, there's a lot of boxes. There's some furniture in here, so I hope it's not too echoey.

00:01:02.720 I don't know. We're still working through audio and internet issues, but we're getting there.

00:01:06.340 We're up and running now, at least.

00:01:08.320 Yeah, I love it, man. I'm excited. So how is it? How are you loving it?

00:01:12.120 Oh, it's good, man. Like I was saying, before we hit the little record button, it's a little overwhelming right now.

00:01:18.000 A lot going on. We just got my friend Pete Roberts with Origin, just got him set up with a bow.

00:01:24.720 So him and I went on a little drive this afternoon and got him set up with a bow.

00:01:28.740 So we're going to be shooting. We've got some friends coming into town later this weekend to do some shooting.

00:01:33.700 It's going to be cool, man. It's going to be a lot of fun up here.

00:01:35.780 The kids are adjusting well, lots of property and room to spread out, getting eaten alive by the black flies.

00:01:41.480 But, you know, those are black flies.

00:01:44.360 Black flies.

00:01:44.860 I didn't even know that was a thing.

00:01:46.140 They're like these little gnats. They're just little nuisances, and they like me.

00:01:51.940 So dealing with that. What else? That's about it.

00:01:55.620 We found only one tick so far on my son. Picked that off. That was no big deal.

00:01:59.800 Yeah.

00:02:01.020 I'm making it sound like a horrible place, but it's not. It's beautiful.

00:02:04.320 Like I'm making it sound like this just miserable experience.

00:02:07.220 But you know what? It is absolutely incredible to open the doors and the deck and look out over the property.

00:02:15.760 And the people that we've met here have been nothing but kind and generous and helpful.

00:02:21.760 We've made some friends already.

00:02:23.160 It's been a really good experience in the first, what, week and a half we've been here now?

00:02:27.480 Yeah, that sounds cool.

00:02:29.300 Nine days.

00:02:29.880 In the last podcast with Pete, they were talking about your house.

00:02:35.680 Like there's some history even to your house.

00:02:37.780 Like the original owner and who built it and stuff too.

00:02:40.700 That's kind of – that's pretty awesome.

00:02:42.240 Yeah, it's cool. It was built in the – well, they said 1912, I believe, or 1902.

00:02:47.340 I can't remember exactly, but I think it was built before that because –

00:02:51.600 And probably added upon.

00:02:52.840 Yeah, yeah. Updated, added upon. It's been really well kept, so it's in great condition, but it's a beautiful, beautiful home.

00:03:00.500 So we're looking forward to making it our home. It's pretty cool.

00:03:04.160 That's awesome. Well, congratulations.

00:03:06.340 Thank you. Yeah, and the podcast that you did last week without me was excellent, by the way.

00:03:11.740 There was only like one thing. I'm like, I don't agree with that, but that's bound to happen between a couple of people.

00:03:17.980 We don't see eye to eye on everything. But other than that, man, you killed it. So really appreciate it down the fort there.

00:03:25.820 Well, and it's really funny when doing them solo, like I even disagreed with some stuff.

00:03:31.040 Like after I – because we've talked about this, like how we often listen to the episodes and listen through and critique and whatnot.

00:03:39.060 And there was the subject around vulnerability.

00:03:44.700 And although I agreed with what I said, I was like, whoa, wait.

00:03:47.960 There's a major caveat that I didn't even bring up, right?

00:03:52.020 And it's around the whole concept of sometimes you shouldn't be vulnerable.

00:03:57.020 Sometimes you need to have your head on your shoulders.

00:03:59.680 You need to get your act together to be able to serve those that need to depend on you, right?

00:04:05.780 And it was kind of ironic because I was like, oh, wait.

00:04:09.060 I totally – there's this other perspective that I even have but I didn't even think about it at the moment, which is one of the benefits that we get to have together, right?

00:04:18.120 Right, to bounce those ideas off.

00:04:19.700 Yeah, bounce those ideas off of each other.

00:04:21.560 I mean I think it's good that you're evaluating that stuff anyways because just too many people don't think about what they say, right?

00:04:28.700 They don't think about what they say before they say it.

00:04:30.880 And then they pay no attention to it after it's left their mouth.

00:04:35.460 And I think social media exacerbates that problem a little bit by, you know, you've got to have conviction and you've got to be bold and then there's no consequence to the things that you're saying, right?

00:04:47.460 In fact, you're rewarded for saying –

00:04:50.080 Just running your mouth.

00:04:50.960 Yeah, exactly.

00:04:51.560 But I think it's a sign of a mature man who evaluates the words that he's using and he might find that what he said was accurate and he still believes that.

00:05:03.300 He may find, like you said, that there's some caveats to what he had mentioned.

00:05:07.520 You know, we evolve too.

00:05:08.900 We have new experiences where you might think something completely different.

00:05:12.180 You know, maybe your viewpoint has completely changed and you might get accused of, you know, waffling or being wishy-washy.

00:05:19.000 But look, if you're not evolving, if you're not changing your thoughts based on new perceptions and new insights and new experiences, then, you know, are you really growing?

00:05:28.220 Are you really expanding?

00:05:29.140 Are you just stuck in your ways, not really convicted but just being stubborn?

00:05:33.060 Yeah, totally.

00:05:34.100 Yeah.

00:05:34.420 Totally.

00:05:34.820 Yeah.

00:05:34.980 So true.

00:05:36.100 And nothing like a podcast with tons of listeners to kind of hold our feet to the fire of what it said.

00:05:44.480 Yeah, millions of people telling you how right and wrong you are and everything else.

00:05:48.560 My friend Andy Frisilla, a lot of guys listen to his podcast as well.

00:05:52.040 He said – gosh, I can't remember exactly what it was on one of his posts but it said something to the effect of, you know, you're going to do some things every once in a while and you're going to feel like a complete dumbass.

00:06:02.160 And other times you're going to do things and you're going to feel like a complete genius, neither of which are true.

00:06:08.180 So I thought that was pretty good.

00:06:10.820 That is good.

00:06:11.720 Yeah, yeah.

00:06:12.780 Awesome, man.

00:06:13.360 Well, now that we've wasted six minutes – I shouldn't say wasted.

00:06:16.000 It's not wasted.

00:06:16.860 Guys, what we're doing, if you're tuning in for the first time, is we're fielding questions on this Ask Me Anything from specifically the Iron Council.

00:06:24.360 I think there's a few questions left over from last week and then we'll get into the Facebook questions.

00:06:28.520 If you are interested in the Brotherhood, the Iron Council, we are growing.

00:06:32.260 I don't know if you were on the call last week, Kip, but we had – I think we had seven or eight new guys just on that one call alone and they all introduced themselves.

00:06:41.880 That was pretty cool.

00:06:42.420 So it's continuing to grow.

00:06:44.220 Check that out at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:06:47.080 And at a minimum, you should be part of our Facebook group.

00:06:49.440 I think we've got close to 58,000 or so guys in there right now having some incredible conversations about what it means to be a man and how we can step up more fully.

00:06:57.440 So check out both of those resources.

00:07:00.340 Now, I was going to say this too also, Kip, is before we get into the questions, I do want to have a discussion about one of the points that you had made last week because I have some additional thoughts on this.

00:07:11.820 Love it.

00:07:12.800 And it was the distinction, if I remember correctly, the distinction between reasons and excuses.

00:07:20.140 You remember that?

00:07:21.160 Yes, sir.

00:07:21.700 I think that was the question.

00:07:23.040 So I have a little bit of a differing viewpoint than you based on what I heard.

00:07:30.120 And my thought is this, the distinction between reasons and excuses.

00:07:35.140 I don't see anything wrong with reasons because there are reasons why we don't do the things that we do.

00:07:43.280 And a lot of the time, some of these things can be legitimate and they can be, they can have some validity to them.

00:07:52.320 I think an excuse is taking it to the extreme and there is no validity to an excuse.

00:08:00.740 I think a reason, on the other hand, is a hurdle or an obstacle that one recognizes and then addresses in order to move forward.

00:08:10.040 Does that make sense?

00:08:12.660 No, no, it does make sense.

00:08:14.620 And I think –

00:08:16.040 It does or does not?

00:08:17.280 No, it does make sense.

00:08:18.340 Oh, okay.

00:08:18.440 And it's funny because as I'm thinking through this, there's so much meaning in words, right?

00:08:25.940 It's like, oh, well, it depends on your definition of reason, right?

00:08:28.920 Of course, of course.

00:08:29.920 But I think what I like about what you said is sometimes we consciously – the reason – or if I try to – let me try to reiterate this way.

00:08:42.620 What I'm hearing you say is that sometimes reason is understanding a decision point or understanding and saying I'm consciously making this decision for these reasons.

00:08:55.240 Right or yes, yes, I definitely agree with that or it could be some external factor or something else that you're not consciously making a decision for.

00:09:04.560 For example, jujitsu, Monday night.

00:09:08.740 Pete called me up.

00:09:09.780 He's like, hey, man, come to – or shot me a text.

00:09:11.800 Hey, man, come to jujitsu.

00:09:13.380 My reason was that I had to unbox these – all the boxes in here and I had to get the internet up and running because we had an internet tech over at that time.

00:09:25.000 Yeah.

00:09:25.340 But that was valid, right?

00:09:26.840 That was a valid reason.

00:09:29.060 A valid reason.

00:09:29.820 Now, what do I do?

00:09:31.000 Well, I clear my schedule for Monday and Wednesday nights because that's when I'm going to go train and I recognize that, okay, these are the times I needed to block off on my calendar in order to do this.

00:09:42.280 Here's how I'm going to do that and here's the plan of action in order to propel me forward.

00:09:46.260 An excuse is like, well, I just didn't want to.

00:09:50.520 I'm just – I was tired and it was like this obstacle that maybe you feel like – I don't believe this is the case, but maybe people feel like they're at the mercy of, right?

00:10:00.080 I'm just at the mercy of the whims and others – I couldn't really do anything.

00:10:04.400 I mean it was what it was.

00:10:06.860 And that to me is the distinction between the two.

00:10:08.900 Yeah, and I think – and I like that because I think last week when I spoke around reason and excuses, one of the key things that I was kind of making a point around was when we use reasons from the position of being a victim.

00:10:27.360 And, well, I'm not going to go.

00:10:30.840 Why?

00:10:31.220 Because I'm not good at it.

00:10:34.260 That's the reason.

00:10:35.380 Yeah.

00:10:35.640 Well, but you're being a victim about it, right?

00:10:38.320 You're not saying, hey, I'm not going to go because I'm choosing a higher priority or it's not effective for me.

00:10:43.800 I'm making a conscious choice versus, oh, I'm a victim of my reason or my excuse.

00:10:51.320 And so to me, I hear that and think, well, that is not a legitimate reason not to go to Jiu-Jitsu.

00:10:56.360 You would classify that as an excuse.

00:10:58.440 Exactly.

00:10:59.480 Exactly.

00:11:00.420 But I think you brought up a good point too in that it could just be semantics, right?

00:11:04.960 We might be – and I think this happens a lot of times, especially on Facebook.

00:11:09.580 Just the other day, I had somebody arguing with me.

00:11:11.560 At the end of the day, it's like we actually believe the same thing and yet here we are arguing over nothing because we're defining a word or a concept differently.

00:11:21.360 Although the underlying root concept we're actually discussing, we're on the same page.

00:11:27.360 Yeah, totally.

00:11:27.480 And so people get so hung up on these words, right?

00:11:30.740 And look, I'm not going to lie.

00:11:32.620 Words are important.

00:11:33.460 I use words for a living.

00:11:34.560 All of us use words for a living.

00:11:35.940 And what we say matters and what we say has meaning.

00:11:40.480 But if we get so wrapped up in the words themselves rather than the content or the context of the message that's being delivered, we're doing ourselves and other people a disservice.

00:11:52.820 Totally.

00:11:53.320 Totally.

00:11:53.800 I mean one of the phrases I like is be unreasonable.

00:11:57.040 Right.

00:11:57.260 Like, well, in that case, depending on how you look at it, it's like, well, that doesn't work, Kip.

00:12:01.740 Right.

00:12:02.500 Right.

00:12:02.980 And people will do this.

00:12:04.300 What they'll say is they'll say, well, but Kip, in this case, you know, you could get hurt and get really hurt if you decided.

00:12:10.520 And that's a valid reason.

00:12:11.460 It's like, come on, dude.

00:12:12.460 Do you honestly think I'm saying be unreasonable so go swimming with great white sharks?

00:12:16.420 Like is that the point you think I'm making?

00:12:19.000 I just think that there's this quest to like prove how smart we are and what we end up doing when we do that is just undermining our own credibility.

00:12:29.920 Like we all realize there's exceptions.

00:12:31.920 We all realize that everything's not so black and white or gray.

00:12:34.920 You know, it's like we realize this stuff.

00:12:37.820 There's no need to say it, that there's exceptions to the term be unreasonable.

00:12:42.920 Right.

00:12:43.340 It's we all understand what we're saying.

00:12:46.360 That's the point that I'm making, I guess I'd say.

00:12:49.480 Totally.

00:12:49.900 Yeah.

00:12:50.180 All right.

00:12:50.640 Well, let's get into the questions for, uh, start with iron council.

00:12:53.480 We'll, uh, we'll go from there.

00:12:54.860 Yeah.

00:12:55.180 Do you want me to, do we want to, we had a couple of questions from Facebook and I just thought, okay.

00:13:01.520 Yeah.

00:13:01.920 So the, the, one of the questions that came up last week was from Nate Wardrip.

00:13:06.340 He says, first off, I want to say congratulations to the journey to Maine.

00:13:09.820 Good luck on your new adventure.

00:13:11.000 I support you and the work that you're doing in order of man.

00:13:14.080 I like for both Ryan and Kip to answer this question.

00:13:16.460 Um, so this week's AMA may not work.

00:13:19.220 And this was obviously last week.

00:13:20.660 So here's his question.

00:13:21.920 I've seen some men on this, uh, on, on Facebook here, proclaim that firearms are inherently dangerous

00:13:28.160 and we should not own them or have them around our children, including armed guards, teachers

00:13:33.140 in schools with order of man's motto, protect, provide, and preside how adequately protect,

00:13:39.500 how adequately protect our families against threats that seek to harm them.

00:13:43.740 If we are not equipped to handle those situations.

00:13:46.160 In short, how can we say it's okay not to want guns around in our homes and societies when

00:13:52.440 it ties hand behind our backs for protecting our families?

00:13:56.000 We can never fully remove guns.

00:13:57.980 Oh, sorry.

00:13:58.880 No, go ahead.

00:13:59.320 No, yeah, go ahead.

00:14:00.500 Okay.

00:14:00.760 We can never fully remove guns from bad guys.

00:14:02.860 And if they have, uh, them ready to do violence on us, we should be able, uh, we will not be

00:14:07.780 able to stand ready with equal tools to fight back.

00:14:10.120 I'm not trying to cause or steer or be a troll.

00:14:13.060 I genuinely am curious and I, and I am trying to find my stance on this topic.

00:14:17.700 Any input would be greatly appreciated.

00:14:20.440 Yeah.

00:14:21.060 So I don't really agree totally with the premise.

00:14:24.340 And let me start by saying that I'm, I'm a firm believer in the second amendment.

00:14:27.880 I'm a firm believer in owning firearms.

00:14:30.380 I own several firearms.

00:14:32.240 Uh, I'm a firm believer in getting training.

00:14:34.400 I think all of that stuff's important, but I don't believe in the premise that he makes.

00:14:38.260 I think this is Nate where he says that this is how you better, or this is how you protect

00:14:43.720 your family.

00:14:44.200 Well, it's one way, right?

00:14:46.740 I see, but it's not the only way.

00:14:48.720 So let's look at this from both sides.

00:14:50.720 And my side happens to be pro firearm, but if I'm anti firearm, there's other cases to

00:14:56.760 be made.

00:14:57.500 Uh, let's just talk about a home, for example.

00:15:00.140 Well, how do you control entry and exit points?

00:15:03.600 How do you have security cameras up?

00:15:05.140 Do you have a security system?

00:15:07.000 Do you have dogs?

00:15:08.020 Like what other systems can you implement in order to ensure that your family stays safe?

00:15:13.000 There's an infinite number of ways to do it.

00:15:14.840 And you probably ought to create layers.

00:15:17.620 Yeah.

00:15:18.040 And for you, to your point, some guys don't have this choice, right?

00:15:21.460 Right.

00:15:21.780 We're, we're talking from the position that we have the choice to own a firearm.

00:15:24.800 Some guys don't, right?

00:15:25.920 Depending on the part of the world we live in.

00:15:27.720 So that's the premise I disagree with.

00:15:30.040 I can a man be a protector if he doesn't believe in using firearms.

00:15:33.740 Sure.

00:15:34.380 I think he limits one of his tools at his disposal, but ultimately that's his choice.

00:15:39.100 Now, where I take issue with it is if you try to tell me that I can't use that tool simply

00:15:44.920 because you choose not to, right?

00:15:47.960 Like if you're a, if you're a carpenter, for example, and you build homes and you decide

00:15:53.380 for whatever reason that in your tool belt, you don't want to use a hammer.

00:15:57.420 Well, you don't get to decide if John, the contractor down the road, doesn't use a hammer.

00:16:03.080 That's his decision.

00:16:04.240 That's his choice.

00:16:05.100 You can make your own personal choice, but when you start infringing upon other people's

00:16:09.400 rights, and it is a right, it's a constitutional right to use a firearm for self-defense purposes.

00:16:16.240 That's where I take issue with it.

00:16:17.940 And that's a huge problem.

00:16:19.580 So do I think men have to be trained and adequately prepared with firearms?

00:16:25.300 No, I think a man is free to make his own choice.

00:16:27.560 Because I personally choose to, and I advocate for getting familiar with firearms for self-defense

00:16:37.020 purposes as pretty as, that's just as simple as that.

00:16:42.600 I like actually one of these comments on, he starts this question off with, I've seen

00:16:47.120 some men here proclaim that firearms are inherently dangerous.

00:16:50.020 Well, they're not.

00:16:50.660 They are.

00:16:50.920 No, I don't.

00:16:51.420 Well, they are dangerous.

00:16:52.200 Well, they can be dangerous.

00:16:53.220 I don't think they're inherently dangerous.

00:16:54.620 It's a piece of metal.

00:16:56.580 Yeah.

00:16:57.080 I see what you're saying.

00:16:57.880 I'm looking at a, is it used for dangerous purposes?

00:17:00.940 Yeah, that's the point, to kill things.

00:17:03.120 Yeah.

00:17:03.540 The point of a firearm is to fire a projectile at a rapid pace at another object in order

00:17:12.460 to destroy it.

00:17:14.600 So its purpose is, that's the purpose of it.

00:17:18.820 Like, let's not sugarcoat it.

00:17:20.540 Yeah.

00:17:20.720 But inherently, no, it's just metal, right?

00:17:25.400 Is a hammer dangerous?

00:17:27.300 Is a car dangerous?

00:17:29.040 Inherently?

00:17:30.260 Can it be dangerous?

00:17:31.420 Sure.

00:17:32.520 Is it inherently dangerous?

00:17:33.940 No, it's, it's only, it's got to be acted upon, right?

00:17:39.240 It can be used for productive purposes.

00:17:40.980 So Ryan, one of the things that he mentioned was that, you know, they shouldn't be around

00:17:47.140 children, um, including guards and teachers in schools.

00:17:51.000 What, what's your stance from that perspective?

00:17:53.280 And, and how do you, as a father, uh, ensure that you can have firearms around your kids?

00:18:00.400 You know, what things are you doing to, to mitigate that risk and, and to, I don't know,

00:18:06.120 make you feel comfortable, right?

00:18:07.800 With, with children and being around.

00:18:09.620 So I, I read an article or, or saw a post on Instagram or something over the weekend

00:18:15.020 that this, this country singer, and I can't remember the gentleman's name, he had a tragic

00:18:18.920 accident at home with one of his children and, uh, come to find out one of his, his children

00:18:23.800 had drowned in their pool, which is, it's horrific.

00:18:29.500 I can't even, I actually had one of my bosses had that situation.

00:18:32.860 That's a whole other conversation how that went down, but it's a horrific, tragic circumstance.

00:18:38.420 It's horrible.

00:18:40.500 So does that mean we ban pools though?

00:18:43.320 No, you don't keep your kids away from the pool.

00:18:46.220 Do you, you teach them how to swim.

00:18:49.240 And that's the same thing with firearms.

00:18:50.920 Like I don't, I don't keep my kids away from firearms.

00:18:54.260 The likelihood that they're going to come in contact with a firearm is relatively high.

00:18:57.560 When I was, I must've been eight or nine years old.

00:19:00.760 I was out in the street and I found a gun in the middle of the road.

00:19:05.460 Really?

00:19:06.020 Yeah.

00:19:06.880 And I, and I picked it up.

00:19:08.300 It was a little, uh, revolver, small revolver.

00:19:10.320 I remember it.

00:19:11.380 And I picked it up cause I thought it was a cap gun and, but it was heavy.

00:19:15.980 And I'm like, well, this is heavy.

00:19:16.920 I had no idea that it was a real gun and I just thought it was a cap gun.

00:19:21.320 So I brought it in.

00:19:22.020 I'm like, Hey mom, look what I found.

00:19:23.100 She's like, let me see that.

00:19:23.960 And come to find out it was a real firearm.

00:19:29.160 You're going to like, like the likelihood of your child coming into contact with a firearm is, is significant.

00:19:35.840 So rather than hide it from them or, or, or hinder them from understanding what's going on, why not expose them to it in a controlled environment so that they know how to properly use a firearm, how to unload one, how to load one, keep your finger off the trigger.

00:19:51.660 Don't point at anything you don't intend to destroy, know your target and what's behind it.

00:19:55.460 Treat the gun.

00:19:55.960 Like it's always loaded.

00:19:56.760 The four firearm safety rules, teach them.

00:19:59.320 That's your job.

00:20:01.060 Teach them.

00:20:02.180 So if they're in or ever in a situation that you, you wouldn't necessarily approve of, or you think could potentially be dangerous, that they're going to be adequately prepared to handle themselves.

00:20:10.960 If, if a little kid who's never picked up a firearm finds a gun in the room, how easy Kip would it have been for me to believe that that gun, fortunately I didn't do this, was a cap gun and pointed at little Tommy who I was playing with and shoot him right in the face.

00:20:24.800 Yeah, totally.

00:20:25.800 Right.

00:20:26.000 So instead of blindfolding and hindering our children, let's adequately prepare them for the realities of life.

00:20:35.940 You might come into contact with a firearm.

00:20:38.120 Let me show you how to use a firearm.

00:20:39.600 Let me show you how to unload it.

00:20:41.100 Let me show you how to shoot it.

00:20:42.720 Let me show you how to handle it.

00:20:44.740 And, and feel how powerful it is.

00:20:46.440 Some of my, what I love, I remember when my kids were younger, the minute they shot my handgun at, you know, and they're pretty young at the time, after that first shot, they're like, nah, I'm okay.

00:20:59.200 There's a new level of respect for it.

00:21:00.960 Because it scared them.

00:21:02.080 Right.

00:21:02.280 And they're like, whoa, this is, like, they're all about shooting, right?

00:21:06.080 Until that first shot.

00:21:07.000 And then afterwards they're like, nah, I'm okay.

00:21:09.900 It makes me nervous.

00:21:11.220 And I'm like, that's good.

00:21:12.920 You know, you should be, like, you should realize that, you know.

00:21:16.000 And that there's some, you know what I mean, some power behind it, right?

00:21:19.440 That it can cause destruction.

00:21:21.060 But before that, they had no idea.

00:21:23.020 Right.

00:21:24.020 Yeah.

00:21:24.500 So I, I think, I mean, you're not going to be reckless with having your kids around firearms, but to say that they shouldn't be around it at all, I think is crazy.

00:21:34.180 It's the same thing with drugs, for example.

00:21:35.860 Like some, it's the same with everything.

00:21:38.120 Drugs, pornography, alcohol, name it.

00:21:41.940 And money, religion.

00:21:44.420 Some parents don't want to have these conversations with their kids because they don't want to expose them to that stuff.

00:21:48.380 Like, I don't want to talk about pornography.

00:21:49.680 Oh, we shouldn't talk about that.

00:21:51.560 Or drugs.

00:21:52.260 I don't want to put any ideas in their head.

00:21:54.120 Man, I want to talk about it.

00:21:56.360 Like, if anybody should be talking to them about that stuff, it should be me.

00:22:00.400 Because if I'm not doing it, you can bet the neighbor kid, the little punk kid down the street's doing it.

00:22:07.520 You can bet they're going to be exposed to it.

00:22:09.560 I need to head that stuff off.

00:22:10.940 That's my job as a dad.

00:22:12.500 So it's uncomfortable.

00:22:13.800 I don't want to talk to my kids about pornography.

00:22:15.800 That's awkward, man.

00:22:16.680 That's really uncomfortable.

00:22:18.740 Totally.

00:22:19.140 But who said that being a father was supposed to be comfortable?

00:22:24.780 Yeah.

00:22:25.340 It's anything but.

00:22:26.740 It's not supposed to be.

00:22:27.960 It's supposed to push and test you just as much as it's designed to push and test your kids.

00:22:32.580 Yeah.

00:22:33.560 What else we got?

00:22:34.740 All right.

00:22:35.620 The other question from last week, Pram at Ball asked about, you know, introduction of patches and badging and some classes and stuff that we're doing in the IC.

00:22:44.180 So he just wanted to ask in the long term, what are some big changes that you see coming?

00:22:49.700 Well, I've always had the vision of, I don't know how to say it.

00:22:54.420 So I'll just say it this way and you can take it for what it's worth.

00:22:56.960 Gamifying masculinity.

00:22:58.720 Like how do you quantify it?

00:23:01.080 Right?

00:23:01.260 How do you measure it?

00:23:04.220 Because if you can measure it, you can improve it.

00:23:06.760 But if you can't quantify it or measure it by some sort of metric, it's really hard to improve upon.

00:23:12.500 I'm a good dad.

00:23:13.160 Really?

00:23:13.520 What does that mean?

00:23:14.180 Well, I don't know.

00:23:15.540 What does that look like specifically?

00:23:17.060 Yeah.

00:23:17.680 Right.

00:23:18.480 Or I'm in shape.

00:23:19.960 I'm healthy.

00:23:20.680 Really?

00:23:21.340 Why?

00:23:21.900 What does that mean?

00:23:23.200 You can't, it's hard to quantify, right?

00:23:26.780 That's why men are so good at business.

00:23:29.120 I think generally why we naturally gravitate towards that and finances is because we can measure it.

00:23:34.540 Well, I'm wealthier.

00:23:35.580 I'm $100 wealthier, $1,000 wealthier, $10,000 wealthier than I was yesterday.

00:23:40.420 I have $200 less debt than I did yesterday.

00:23:43.420 Right?

00:23:43.980 So we can quantify these things.

00:23:47.440 So my goal has always been, I've always had this vision of quantifying masculinity.

00:23:51.920 And so what I see, how I see this playing out is that we'll have achievements, different achievements in each of the four quadrants that we can begin to unlock.

00:24:00.440 And then each of those achievements will have certain things, certain activities that you'll need to engage in, in order to unlock these achievements.

00:24:10.820 And as you engage in these activities, you'll earn experience points.

00:24:13.920 And when you earn these experience points, you'll level up.

00:24:16.700 So everybody in the Iron Council starts at a level zero.

00:24:20.200 Don't quote me on the terms we're using, but you'll get the idea.

00:24:23.920 So we all start on a level zero.

00:24:25.400 Myself included.

00:24:26.100 You included, Kip.

00:24:27.680 Screw that.

00:24:28.420 Yeah, no, you're starting at zero, man.

00:24:30.020 I'm going to put you behind, actually.

00:24:34.040 That's fine because then I'll still destroy everybody.

00:24:36.560 That's the attitude, man.

00:24:37.560 Actually, that's why I'm doing it because your attitude right now is the same as most guys' attitude, especially those who want to progress.

00:24:46.080 They want to compete, right?

00:24:47.780 They want to push.

00:24:49.100 They want to measure it.

00:24:51.060 They want to know.

00:24:52.000 They want to be recognized in a lot of ways.

00:24:54.440 And so having experience points, I'll give you an example.

00:24:57.980 We're going to have a running achievement.

00:25:00.360 So the activities that will lead up to unlocking that achievement will be a 3K, a 5K, a 10K, a half marathon, a full marathon, and an endurance event like a 50 or 100 mile race.

00:25:18.980 So based on each one of those events, you're going to earn experience points that will help you level up.

00:25:23.900 And then once you check all of those off, then you unlock that running achievement patch or whatever term we're going to use.

00:25:32.880 So that's one of the big things we're working on right now is coming up with these patches and these achievements and the levels within each one of the domains, the quadrants that we address.

00:25:46.060 So that's a big change.

00:25:48.000 Another couple of changes, we're going to start doing a lot more meetups.

00:25:51.280 I know that last week you had mentioned and alluded to regional chapters.

00:25:56.400 So we're definitely working on that.

00:25:58.200 There's a lot going on, man.

00:25:59.720 It's just a matter of prioritizing and figuring out what's going to be best for growth for the men who are part of this movement.

00:26:07.220 And I think the achievements and levels represent the lowest hanging fruit that will produce the best result for all of us.

00:26:15.180 Yeah.

00:26:15.600 Love it.

00:26:16.320 Yeah.

00:26:16.640 Cool, man.

00:26:17.380 Yeah, man.

00:26:17.580 All right.

00:26:17.780 So questions submitted via Iron Council for this particular episode, you already alluded to it, Ryan, ordervan.com slash Iron Council to learn more about that exclusive brotherhood.

00:26:29.520 So, yeah, let's dive into these questions.

00:26:32.300 So Premipal submitted a question actually this morning as well on this.

00:26:35.880 So he says, I've been getting a lot of mentorship from different members within the Iron Council, but I feel like aside from implementing what they said, I don't offer a whole lot back.

00:26:46.100 In what ways can I – in what ways can mentees add value to the lives of their mentors?

00:26:53.040 You know, one easy way to add value is to do what you're told.

00:26:57.960 Yeah.

00:26:58.240 I know that sounds too simplistic, but I'm just telling you, as somebody who mentors and coaches and leads other men, that I get a high when I see somebody else who's a mentee of mine implement what I talked about and then see it work in their life.

00:27:16.740 Because one of my biggest pet peeves is somebody who reaches out and says, hey, Ryan, I need relationship advice.

00:27:23.040 Here's what's going on or I'm trying to level up my discipline.

00:27:26.800 Great.

00:27:27.400 Here's some ways.

00:27:28.340 Here's some strategies.

00:27:28.940 Let's talk about it.

00:27:29.800 And they don't implement anything.

00:27:31.300 It's like, thank you for wasting all of my time.

00:27:34.040 I could have taken that time and put it towards somebody else who is actually interested in implementing.

00:27:39.540 Or I could have just sat down and hung out with my family.

00:27:42.240 Could have done a thousand other things, but you wasted it.

00:27:44.560 So the lowest hanging fruit is do what you're told and then return and report and let whoever's coaching you know how it's working.

00:27:55.720 There's other ways.

00:27:57.000 Connections are huge.

00:27:58.840 You know, I talked about Pete earlier in the podcast.

00:28:01.160 He's been instrumental in helping us get up and running and get here and get things settled up.

00:28:05.820 Well, I have connections that I know Pete's interested in.

00:28:10.200 So even though I may not have exactly what he needs or what I feel like he could need from a business standpoint, because he knows business so much better than I do, there's connections that I can make and I have made that serve him.

00:28:21.800 So I'm looking for those connections.

00:28:23.300 I'm looking for little ways to help him win that he didn't have access to before.

00:28:27.680 And that's not just for Pete.

00:28:28.660 That's for everybody.

00:28:29.900 The more that I can connect other people, now I'm helping two parties win.

00:28:33.820 The person I'm connecting and the person who's being connected to.

00:28:39.620 So connections are huge as well.

00:28:41.160 I think those are two things that you shouldn't overlook and really aren't that difficult to do.

00:28:46.840 It might even just be a simple thank you card in the mail.

00:28:50.900 Hey, you know what?

00:28:51.780 Kip, man, you talked with me last week and you shared some ideas and here's what I did about it.

00:28:57.500 And I just, I wanted to take a couple minutes and just say thank you.

00:29:00.180 That goes such a long way and it's something that people don't do.

00:29:04.220 Like they just take the advice and run.

00:29:05.860 There's lots of little ways that you can do that.

00:29:09.020 Yeah.

00:29:09.200 Whenever we get stuff like that, like a message on Facebook or Instagram or, you know, there's been a couple of times I've gotten a card and a book, you know what I mean?

00:29:18.020 And a thank you card.

00:29:19.220 And it's just like, man, it's so meaningful.

00:29:21.480 And I think the reporting back, the only thing I'd add is I would love to hear the mentee like report back on how it's going and even be open to say, and what variation did they do?

00:29:36.740 And what are they doing to make it work for them?

00:29:39.740 And is there a different variation of what, than what I suggested as well?

00:29:44.760 Just seeing them engulfed and evolving and trying and reporting back on the success as well as the adjustments that they're making, I think is really, really insightful.

00:29:53.380 Because then I get to learn, right?

00:29:55.140 I get to hear what's working, what's not working.

00:29:57.700 And then I evolve as well.

00:29:59.160 So yeah, a hundred percent.

00:30:00.900 Cool.

00:30:01.300 All right, Chris Bell, how do you grow something when you know the next level takes money, i.e. my podcast?

00:30:08.480 I enjoy doing it.

00:30:09.780 I'm not happy with it.

00:30:12.560 Not being, I'm not happy with it not being the next level.

00:30:16.560 Mentally, I want to grow, but in terms of investing 500 into more gear and et cetera, it doesn't fall into the budget priority for gear and a professional intro.

00:30:25.960 I don't have the time to make up for it with more effort and grinding more.

00:30:29.640 It needs to be a smart next move.

00:30:32.240 Well, I mean, at some point you got to invest, Chris.

00:30:34.220 And I'm not just talking about money, but you're even talking about time.

00:30:36.700 I don't have time.

00:30:37.260 I don't have money.

00:30:37.860 Well, then don't do it.

00:30:39.820 Yeah.

00:30:40.420 Because what are you going to do?

00:30:42.100 Like at some point you're going to have to invest.

00:30:44.840 You're going to have to carve out time.

00:30:46.420 You're going to have to sacrifice somewhere.

00:30:48.460 Maybe it's an hour.

00:30:49.300 You're going to have to sacrifice an hour of sleep every night.

00:30:51.940 Okay.

00:30:52.440 Well, how bad do you want it?

00:30:54.480 People ask me all the time, how'd you start ordering men when you were doing your financial planning stuff?

00:30:57.740 Early mornings, late nights.

00:31:00.600 Like I didn't, I didn't carve out any magical time that anybody else doesn't have.

00:31:04.420 I just slept a little bit less.

00:31:06.220 Did it suck?

00:31:07.080 Yeah.

00:31:08.120 I was tired, but we made it work.

00:31:11.020 And then we grow and we expand and we grow and we expand.

00:31:14.360 So if you really want it, you'll find a way to do it.

00:31:17.180 You'll carve out 20 minutes, 40 minutes, an hour out of every day through maybe it's, maybe it's a hobby.

00:31:23.780 Maybe, you know, you don't get to participate in your hobby for a time.

00:31:27.260 Maybe, who knows?

00:31:28.140 Maybe it's even a relationship.

00:31:30.460 And my wife would attest to that.

00:31:32.300 I told her, I said, Hey hon, I've really got to focus on this right now because here's what I think it's going to do.

00:31:36.920 And here's what, what I want it to do.

00:31:40.080 And I'm looking at my family.

00:31:42.040 They're actually across the street right now, visiting the neighbor.

00:31:44.160 She brought cookies over to the neighbor.

00:31:45.420 And that, that to me, like I see my four kids and the neighbor and her, and we're in this new place.

00:31:52.160 And that to me is rewarding that that's the reward.

00:31:54.920 That's what I sacrificed for.

00:31:56.500 I sacrificed for that picture right out the window right now.

00:32:01.680 You don't get to have it because you want it.

00:32:03.960 You get to have it because you sacrificed, you've worked for it and you earned it.

00:32:07.680 So yeah, maybe you can invest the 500, but can you invest 50?

00:32:11.860 Can you invest a hundred?

00:32:13.060 I don't know.

00:32:13.460 Maybe you can do, do what you can.

00:32:16.280 And then are you working?

00:32:17.640 And grow and grow.

00:32:18.560 Yeah.

00:32:18.940 Or are you working another job to get that 500?

00:32:21.560 Right.

00:32:21.940 Or selling a few things around the house.

00:32:24.040 Yeah.

00:32:24.320 There's always a cost for everything.

00:32:25.820 There is a cost.

00:32:26.800 And if you're not willing to pay the price, well, that's okay.

00:32:29.680 But don't expect the result.

00:32:31.860 Yeah.

00:32:33.980 Love it.

00:32:35.580 Kevin Eberhardt.

00:32:36.840 Hey, gentlemen, I understand my role as a father and a husband, and I'm striving towards being better in that role.

00:32:42.980 How do I feel like a line in my household why my wife brings home more money than myself?

00:32:48.140 Well, I'm a correctional officer and work part-time on an ambulance as an EMT, but I feel like I'm not contributing enough.

00:32:56.080 Thanks.

00:32:59.320 Oh, do you have any thoughts on this, Kip?

00:33:01.460 This one's a tough one for me.

00:33:03.700 I saw this question.

00:33:04.520 It's a tough one for me.

00:33:05.800 Yeah.

00:33:06.080 At first, the thing that kind of bothered me initially was, how do I feel like a line in my household why my wife brings home more money than myself?

00:33:16.320 Like, that's your perception, first off, right?

00:33:20.160 And there's three Ps, not one.

00:33:24.380 And even the word provide, I think, is monetary.

00:33:29.200 It is financial.

00:33:29.920 But there's other ways you provide, right?

00:33:32.280 There's other ways that we preside.

00:33:33.940 There's multiple dynamics to each of those Ps.

00:33:36.240 So you presiding in your home doesn't necessarily 100% mean that you have to bring in more.

00:33:43.460 Now, with that said, though, his last statement, I think, is the key is, but I feel like I'm not contributing enough.

00:33:50.260 Well, then that's a different story, right?

00:33:53.600 Because if you feel like you should contribute more, part of me feels like then you should.

00:33:59.640 If you feel like you should be, then you probably should.

00:34:02.400 So then I would be suggesting maybe him looking into different ways to contribute more financially or get off this perception that contribution only looks like financial.

00:34:17.800 Right.

00:34:18.080 That's just a component of it.

00:34:19.980 Exactly.

00:34:20.740 Yeah, I like that.

00:34:21.820 I don't think there's much more I would say or add, so I won't, other than just to say, yeah.

00:34:27.320 Because my knee-jerk reaction was like, okay, yeah, so contribute more.

00:34:30.080 Go back to school, get a new job, get a new career, pick up a side job, get a new designation or some sort of new credential that might increase your income.

00:34:40.100 Like, make yourself more efficient.

00:34:42.140 That goes back to what I was saying in the 24 hours.

00:34:44.300 Like, we all have the same 24 hours.

00:34:46.060 So how are there billionaires and how are there broke people?

00:34:48.660 That's just how they manage their 24 hours.

00:34:50.560 The people who are billionaires, their time is worth more because they have a skill set that commands that revenue, that income.

00:35:04.520 Develop your skill set.

00:35:05.800 So your hour is not worth $50.

00:35:08.940 It's now worth $500 or $1,000 or $10,000 an hour.

00:35:14.020 How do you do that?

00:35:15.000 Develop a skill set that people will pay you for.

00:35:17.200 Yeah.

00:35:20.400 Jim Barna, Kip, how did it work out with your oldest son moving in with you and your current wife and children?

00:35:28.820 Were there any challenges?

00:35:30.200 Is your current wife fully on board with the decision?

00:35:32.940 What advice could you pass on to someone considering doing the same thing?

00:35:38.100 So first off, it's my second oldest son that moved in with us.

00:35:42.700 My oldest actually is a freshman in college.

00:35:45.980 So this is my 16-year-old going on 17-year-old.

00:35:49.660 He's a junior in high school.

00:35:51.460 Really quick back story.

00:35:53.700 He's lived with his mom the majority of his life since we've been divorced and just recently moved in with us full time.

00:36:01.020 So to his questions, right, any challenges?

00:36:06.460 There's a whole bunch of challenges, right?

00:36:08.880 Everything from I didn't have a car for a teenager to drive around with.

00:36:13.660 I don't have an extra room, so he doesn't get his own room.

00:36:15.980 He has to share a room in the house.

00:36:18.560 And to be honest, he's the only 17-year-old that I've had living with me full time.

00:36:24.780 So this changes the whole dynamic.

00:36:27.060 There's rules that he had with his mom that we don't have those same rules or we have more rules.

00:36:33.200 And there's a different dynamic where certain things are allowed there, but we don't allow it.

00:36:37.160 I mean there's a bunch of challenges.

00:36:39.240 And I think personally how we dealt with him the best is setting expectation 100%.

00:36:47.420 Before he even moved up, we talked about – well, first I asked him, why do you even want to move in with us full time?

00:36:55.820 What is it that you think you're going to get by living in Utah?

00:37:01.380 Do you think you're going to get – and I was trying to be really open and honest with you.

00:37:05.120 Do you think you're going to get away with more stuff?

00:37:07.100 Do you think like – you know, you can hoodwink me.

00:37:11.480 Do you think you'll get more freedom but more is required?

00:37:14.760 Like what is it specifically that you're – you know, kind of paint this picture of what this perfect scenario looks like.

00:37:22.520 And it was – by the way, it was highly insightful because he was like – his number one reason is because we do things together as a family all the time.

00:37:31.380 And I was like – first of all, I was like, that's awesome and I love you.

00:37:35.740 And then I was just – and I told Asia, I'm like, man, that's amazing and it just tells me how important that is and we have to make sure that we're saying nightly prayers.

00:37:45.080 We're making sure that we have dinner together.

00:37:47.220 Like it reiterated the importance of our family time because that's why he wanted to live with us.

00:37:53.200 Right.

00:37:54.100 Because he wanted more family time.

00:37:55.480 Right.

00:37:55.680 And so I was like, done.

00:37:57.080 Right.

00:37:57.480 So not a problem.

00:37:58.420 Right.

00:37:58.600 And so – but we tackle those things.

00:38:00.500 And then the other expectations are, hey, when you make a mistake, this is how it's going to play out.

00:38:05.600 I'm not going to get emotional and get all upset and demonize you.

00:38:08.980 But the way this works is if you have homework assignments, as an example, and they don't get handed in a time, guess what?

00:38:14.320 You can't go out for the rest of the week.

00:38:15.740 Right.

00:38:16.180 Until that assignment.

00:38:17.280 Like – and I told him that now.

00:38:18.940 So then that way when it happens, I'd be like, hey, sorry, man.

00:38:21.360 This sucks.

00:38:22.060 You drop back on what you've already talked about.

00:38:24.540 Yeah.

00:38:25.100 And so I think that's how we dealt it is just really managing expectation.

00:38:28.980 And by the way, geez, I can't help but say this.

00:38:32.240 This is success in business as well.

00:38:34.680 Of course.

00:38:35.440 It's always about managing expectation.

00:38:38.140 Clear expectation, managing it, and then meeting the expectation.

00:38:41.320 And whenever you think that you're not – there's no need to communicate expectation, you're wrong.

00:38:46.440 Definitely.

00:38:47.180 Because there's something to be shared.

00:38:49.800 Yeah.

00:38:50.000 And there's always an expectation whether you talk about it or not.

00:38:52.640 And by not talking about it, you have no idea what it is.

00:38:55.740 So, yeah.

00:38:56.660 So set the expectation.

00:38:57.920 My wife, fully on board.

00:39:00.280 She's been highly supportive.

00:39:02.080 And by the way, it adds all these other crazy dynamics.

00:39:05.220 Like I'm hard on her son a little bit.

00:39:07.600 Or in her minds, I'm too hard on him.

00:39:09.640 And there was a little bit of sitting back on her and his part going, let's see if dad's as rough on Ian as he is on me.

00:39:17.840 There's a little bit of show waiting to see if I was going to be the same, right?

00:39:23.060 Or I was going to pander to him more than I pandered to Kiave.

00:39:28.360 And of course, that wasn't the case.

00:39:31.340 Same dad, different kids.

00:39:33.520 Yep.

00:39:34.560 I love it, man.

00:39:35.540 Good advice.

00:39:38.100 Yeah.

00:39:38.420 We try, right?

00:39:39.880 Well, that's exactly right.

00:39:41.120 You do the best you can do.

00:39:42.540 And you learn from it.

00:39:44.700 Totally.

00:39:45.080 And adjust, right?

00:39:46.160 Pivot, like we always talk about.

00:39:47.640 Yeah.

00:39:47.840 That's one of the things I see in the Facebook group a lot is like, how do I do this?

00:39:50.980 Dude, just do it.

00:39:52.120 Just do it.

00:39:52.600 Just do what you know.

00:39:54.120 And then just evolve.

00:39:56.240 And expand.

00:39:56.800 And grow.

00:39:57.360 And learn.

00:39:57.920 And fail.

00:39:58.480 And mess up.

00:39:59.160 And fix it.

00:39:59.740 And correct it.

00:40:00.620 That's just what we do.

00:40:02.460 I mean, I can look.

00:40:03.560 Action and after action review, right?

00:40:04.840 That's right.

00:40:05.520 And look, I can appreciate asking others for advice because you don't need to do things the hard way.

00:40:13.300 You don't need to reinvent the wheel.

00:40:14.620 But at some point, you just got to start acting and then just correct, course correct along the way.

00:40:20.260 Well, and we've talked about this so many times, but like there's stuff that you don't even, you don't even know what you need to know until you do action.

00:40:26.820 So there's no way to even, I don't know, plan around certain things because it's completely off your radar and you're not going to be aware of it until you start working.

00:40:36.620 Yeah.

00:40:37.040 Yeah, that's right.

00:40:38.680 All right.

00:40:39.240 Tom Kingwell.

00:40:40.880 Where's Tom from?

00:40:42.080 Australia?

00:40:42.480 Australia?

00:40:42.600 Sorry, Tom.

00:40:46.620 Yeah, I don't.

00:40:48.240 He's probably a Brit.

00:40:49.400 He's going to be offended that I said he's from Australia.

00:40:50.880 No, I don't know right offhand.

00:40:52.340 I don't want to, I don't think it's Australia.

00:40:55.040 We're going to find out.

00:40:55.960 What's his question?

00:40:57.020 Sorry, Tom.

00:40:57.620 His question.

00:40:58.080 When is it time to cut someone loose who is not adding value to your life and fails to put in the work in order to show up as a man in spite of a great deal of effort and advice?

00:41:10.620 Hmm.

00:41:11.340 When is it time?

00:41:12.420 You know, I don't know if it has to be a cut ties thing.

00:41:14.600 I just might think it's, uh, uh, the distance between you two might just grow over time, right?

00:41:21.940 Like if you sever the tie altogether, I mean, it sounds good.

00:41:25.660 It sounds catchy, right?

00:41:26.640 It's like, well, you have to just sever that tie and inventory and cut all the people out bad out of your life.

00:41:31.560 And yeah, I guess, but it might just be over time and gradually you continue to distance yourself more and more and more.

00:41:38.880 And maybe there's certain contexts, like there's certain people and I won't go into who it is, but there's certain people in my life who I just don't have conversations with.

00:41:46.500 I should say it this way.

00:41:47.780 I don't have certain conversations with.

00:41:50.460 Yeah.

00:41:51.120 Because they're not interested, right?

00:41:53.800 Like they're not interested in hearing me talk about what they should do in their life.

00:41:58.640 And so we can talk about other wonderful things and have a great relationship, but I'm just not going to talk about that.

00:42:05.180 And when they ask me, my, my, my answer is, is the truth, which is this, Hey, you've asked me this in the past.

00:42:13.340 I've tried to share thoughts with you.

00:42:15.140 You don't seem to enjoy them or implement them.

00:42:17.540 So I just rather not talk about that.

00:42:19.380 Can we talk about something else?

00:42:20.440 Like, I don't know if it's, if it's just a level of maturity in my life or a level of comfort in my life where I just tell the truth, you know, I try to do it tactfully.

00:42:32.160 Cause I'm not about, I don't want to hurt people's feelings.

00:42:34.340 That's not my ultimate objective, but I'm just telling you, the more I just tell the truth, the better life I live.

00:42:39.100 And if somebody is upset about that or gets their panties in a, in a bunch about it, all right, so be it.

00:42:43.880 But if I, if I have that conversation with somebody, just like we said earlier, expectation managed.

00:42:49.320 Now we can just get on with, uh, with a different conversation.

00:42:52.680 Hmm.

00:42:54.740 I think that's spot on.

00:42:56.160 I mean, I, I can actually look at my previous circles that I ran in and there's a bunch of people that I, I, I appreciate them.

00:43:05.180 I, I would still call them friends, but the relationship is different and it's just because, because of this, you know what I mean?

00:43:13.580 It's, we're just not on the same page.

00:43:15.320 Yeah.

00:43:16.160 You know?

00:43:16.560 Yeah.

00:43:16.760 So, yeah.

00:43:17.860 And it doesn't make them, you know, it doesn't make them bad people.

00:43:20.380 It just means they're in a different place and any, you know, you never know.

00:43:23.520 Maybe those people will eventually come around and, and, and then you will have a relationship with them where they are in a position where you can't help.

00:43:29.700 And yeah, or maybe you just plant a seed and, and that's, that's really all your job was is just to plant that seed.

00:43:35.660 And maybe at some point you guys will revisit it together and maybe you won't and something else will come into that person's life and correct it or not.

00:43:42.640 And you did your part and that's all you can do.

00:43:44.380 But I think we really ought to be careful of placing other people's burdens or, or carrying other people's burdens around.

00:43:51.140 You know, there's certain people that we have a responsibility to like my wife, for example, my children, for example, like I've voluntarily said, I'm going to help carry your burden.

00:43:58.980 I'm going to carry it with you.

00:44:01.520 Um, but outside of that, like you gotta be careful with that stuff.

00:44:04.700 You might even say, I'll carry that temporarily, but not indefinitely.

00:44:08.840 Yeah.

00:44:09.600 I like that.

00:44:10.240 Tom, by the way, he says, it says here, I'm going to pronounce this wrong, but it says Al, Al Zeno Deutschland.

00:44:15.840 So Germany, but I don't really know how Al, Al Zeno.

00:44:21.240 I don't know where that is.

00:44:22.460 I probably butchered that, but that's, that's where he's at, but he's not, he's not from there.

00:44:26.680 He's not German.

00:44:27.160 I was going to say, he doesn't have a German accent.

00:44:29.100 Yeah, no, no, he's not German.

00:44:30.260 He, maybe he, I don't know.

00:44:31.460 We're going to have to ask him now.

00:44:32.420 Sorry, Tom.

00:44:33.020 Dude, he's hailing from, from Britain or from Australia.

00:44:37.560 He has to.

00:44:38.560 Yeah.

00:44:39.220 Well, well, well, he'll, he'll, I'm sure he'll correct us.

00:44:41.700 We'll clarify.

00:44:42.680 All right.

00:44:43.340 Nicholas Bean, what personal mantras slash code other or other do you have guiding your life?

00:44:50.120 How do they help you make decisions and guide your actions in your day to day?

00:44:54.580 So I was thinking about this just the other day and one of my mottos is just do the right

00:44:58.360 thing.

00:44:58.860 Just do the right thing.

00:44:59.560 That's it.

00:45:00.420 I don't, I don't live by much more than like, just do the right thing.

00:45:03.200 I'll give you an example.

00:45:04.480 So as I'm, you know, purchasing stuff for the house, I went over to a tractor supply and

00:45:08.580 I got some garbage cans and the person got the helper there, got two garbage cans and they

00:45:15.180 were stacked one inside of the other one.

00:45:17.400 She said, here you go.

00:45:18.240 And I said, great.

00:45:18.740 So I went up to the register, paid for them, got them home.

00:45:21.360 Well, in the second trash can, there was this, like, there was this little metal hook in

00:45:25.440 there.

00:45:25.760 It's probably, I don't know, five, six, $6 or something like that.

00:45:29.000 So there's metal hook in there.

00:45:31.160 And, uh, and I went back to tractor supply and I, and I walked in, I said, Hey, I bought

00:45:37.960 trash cans the other day.

00:45:39.500 This was in the bottom of one of them.

00:45:41.760 I just, I didn't pay for it.

00:45:43.260 I just wanted to bring it back.

00:45:44.160 Like, and the two employees were like, they looked at me weird.

00:45:48.440 I'm like, is that okay?

00:45:49.980 Like, you don't need to ring anything.

00:45:50.980 I didn't, you didn't even ring this up.

00:45:52.000 I didn't pay for it.

00:45:52.960 And they're like, Oh my gosh, thank you for bringing that back in.

00:45:55.780 It was only like $4 is what she said.

00:45:58.620 I'm like, it doesn't matter how much it was.

00:46:00.260 It's just, you just do the right thing.

00:46:01.900 Like, like that's good.

00:46:03.820 I don't do it so it can come back to me, but I know that it will come back to me.

00:46:07.980 I know that if I do the right thing enough, that it will come back to me.

00:46:12.360 Um, and that the people that I want to serve myself will all be served.

00:46:16.660 We'll all be in a better place because I strive to do the right thing.

00:46:19.360 I don't always do the right thing, but I strive to.

00:46:22.600 Um, but doing the right thing might be returning something that you didn't buy or giving, giving

00:46:26.640 them money back when they gave you too much change.

00:46:28.320 But it also might be getting up at five o'clock because doing the right thing means you need

00:46:33.240 to get up early and go work out.

00:46:34.460 That to me is the right thing to do.

00:46:36.760 And so that's my goal.

00:46:38.780 So my goal is always just do the right thing.

00:46:40.880 The results tend to take care of themselves when you do the right thing.

00:46:44.240 Ryan, what would you say to guys that, that ride this fence in regards to like, well,

00:46:50.740 I'm not sure what the right thing is.

00:46:52.600 Like, no, you know, you know, everybody knows what the right thing is, whether it's a moral

00:46:56.940 issue, right?

00:46:57.940 We all have a conscience.

00:46:59.020 We all know what's right from wrong.

00:47:00.520 So that's moral.

00:47:01.240 And the other is, uh, I don't know what you dub it, but maybe more of just a, just, just

00:47:08.680 how you address life in general.

00:47:10.940 Like, do you, for example, do you step over the piece of trash or do you pick it up?

00:47:16.760 I don't know if that's really a moral issue as much as it is an intent, an integrity issue,

00:47:20.580 right?

00:47:20.940 Which might be morality.

00:47:21.940 I don't know where I'm going with that, but I think you, you get it right.

00:47:25.020 Yeah.

00:47:25.400 Is, is we all know, we all know, and there's going to be certain things that differ.

00:47:31.900 Like you might have a varying perspective of right and wrong than I do, but it's going

00:47:35.940 to be pretty similar, but there might be some slight variances in there.

00:47:39.300 Just do what's right according to your heart and soul or wherever you think it comes from,

00:47:44.640 you know, and if you, if you're saying, I don't know if it's the right thing, it's probably

00:47:49.580 because you're trying to talk yourself out of what you already dubbed as being the right

00:47:53.220 thing.

00:47:54.680 Yeah.

00:47:55.240 And if you're having that internal dialogue, then that, that's even the sure sign of, yeah,

00:47:59.700 that was the right thing.

00:48:01.180 If you're having to commit yourself otherwise, then just do the thing that you're trying to

00:48:04.480 say that is okay.

00:48:05.740 Now I will say we, we got to be careful and throw another little disclaimer in here sometimes.

00:48:09.960 And I use the move as the, as the context, cause a lot of people have been asking me about

00:48:13.720 moving.

00:48:14.000 Like, how did you know that was the right thing to do?

00:48:16.060 I really didn't, like, I didn't know for sure.

00:48:19.540 I still don't know that it's the right thing to do, but it felt like it and it felt good

00:48:27.340 and it felt right.

00:48:28.980 And so here we are and we'll see where it plays out.

00:48:32.380 Is it the right thing?

00:48:33.040 I don't know.

00:48:33.460 We've been here for a week so far.

00:48:35.060 We're thinking, yeah, this is pretty good, but we haven't faced main winters yet.

00:48:39.060 So, you know, we don't, we don't know, but we can find out.

00:48:43.140 And I'm interested in finding out.

00:48:44.900 I never want to look back and think, well, what could I have done?

00:48:47.900 What should I have done?

00:48:49.460 Well, go find out for yourself.

00:48:51.440 If it feels right, I think pursue that.

00:48:54.680 How does this relate to your integrity gap?

00:48:58.720 Well, I mean, it's, it's, it is the integrity gap, right?

00:49:02.860 Like we all, we all know.

00:49:04.480 So if you haven't heard me talk about the integrity gap, the integrity gap is the difference

00:49:09.360 between what you know you should be doing and what you're actually doing.

00:49:12.500 And the wider that gap is, the more frustrated, contentious, bitter, resentful, animosity,

00:49:22.520 potentially even depression, suicidal thoughts will creep into your life because there's

00:49:26.800 a huge gap, a huge vacuum for that stuff to fill in.

00:49:31.840 The more, excuse me, the more congruency that I found in my life between how I envision myself

00:49:38.000 and how I manifest myself, the, the more fulfilled I've been, the more satisfied I've been, the

00:49:47.080 more results that I've produced, the happier I've been because there's nothing else for

00:49:51.860 to slip in except for prosperity and abundance.

00:49:55.680 And when things happen that aren't in necessarily my best interest or things go wrong, like we

00:50:01.180 can quickly rectify those situations.

00:50:03.780 I'll give you another example.

00:50:04.660 So we got here to Maine and three days after we got here, the transmission of my wife's

00:50:10.520 Suburban went out.

00:50:11.920 Are you joking?

00:50:13.260 And I'm like, well, shit, you know, like moving isn't cheap, right?

00:50:17.400 We just bought this house.

00:50:18.740 We've got to get a new heating system taken care of in the next couple of months.

00:50:22.340 Like it's not a cheap thing.

00:50:24.800 Either is a transmission.

00:50:26.220 And either is a transmission.

00:50:27.600 And you know, like I could have been pissed about that, but what's, what, what's being pissed

00:50:33.380 off going to do?

00:50:35.000 I'm like, well, okay, let's get it figured out.

00:50:37.500 So we called somebody and we're taking it in tomorrow and getting it worked out.

00:50:42.440 Well, last night, or I think it was yesterday afternoon.

00:50:46.300 I get, I get home.

00:50:47.760 I was running an errand somewhere.

00:50:48.720 I don't even know where I was.

00:50:49.480 I get home.

00:50:49.880 My wife's like, I have bad news.

00:50:50.860 I'm like, oh, great.

00:50:51.620 Like what?

00:50:52.660 Because she never says that.

00:50:53.980 What?

00:50:54.420 Yeah.

00:50:55.300 The washer's not working.

00:50:58.760 It's like, really?

00:51:01.060 Yeah, it's not working.

00:51:02.360 Oh my gosh.

00:51:03.160 Another thing, right?

00:51:04.440 Another thing.

00:51:05.640 But I'm, I'm, I don't let that stuff get to me as much as I once did because I realize

00:51:11.240 again, I'm, I'm in integrity.

00:51:13.360 Like we've got the money because I'm doing the things that, that I need to be doing to

00:51:17.700 earn the money to pay for these types of things.

00:51:19.380 We've been setting money aside because I knew tight, these types of expenses come up

00:51:23.000 like because I'm integrity, I'm building credibility and influence on this podcast and through the

00:51:28.680 movement, which means that there's always people who are interested in what I'm doing.

00:51:32.340 And, and there's, there's value there that we can offer to other individuals.

00:51:35.580 Like it's all going to be okay.

00:51:38.060 And I'm at peace to the degree I can be because I'm living in integrity with the way I envision

00:51:44.080 myself.

00:51:44.460 Like, I don't see, I don't, I don't think about who I am and I don't think about some

00:51:48.420 asshole who's going to blow up because of the transmission on a car went out or like,

00:51:52.900 I can't imagine another guy thinking, I want to be that guy, that jerk who in the neighborhood

00:51:57.660 who nobody likes deal with the broken wash.

00:52:00.480 Right, exactly.

00:52:02.160 And I want to be the guy that's calm under pressure that when things go wrong, he's like,

00:52:07.000 Oh, that sucks.

00:52:07.680 Okay.

00:52:07.860 What can we do?

00:52:08.480 How can we fix it?

00:52:09.260 How can we address it?

00:52:10.380 Internet was a thing.

00:52:11.300 You know, I could have been an asshole on the phone with the internet people that had to

00:52:14.760 have a technician come out here three separate times.

00:52:16.840 I can have been a dick to the, to the technician who came out, you know, the guy who's just

00:52:21.060 trying to do his job to the best of his ability.

00:52:22.920 I could have been that guy.

00:52:25.040 That's not the kind of guy I envisioned myself to be.

00:52:27.380 And so instead of that being that guy, I decided to be the calm, cool, collected guy that

00:52:32.020 understood that, you know, it's technology and it doesn't always work out the way that

00:52:35.360 it should.

00:52:35.740 And the third time he came over last night, we had a great conversation and I actually

00:52:39.600 helped him, helped him string a cable across the road.

00:52:42.980 And we had a great conversation.

00:52:44.120 He got it fixed and all as well, like that's the kind of guy I envisioned myself being.

00:52:48.620 And the more we move into that vision for ourselves, the more at peace we can be with

00:52:52.980 ourselves.

00:52:54.220 Yeah.

00:52:54.420 I can't help Ryan, but to draw a correlation between, uh, as a man thinketh where James

00:53:01.660 Allen talks about, you know, your, your thoughts is like a garden, right?

00:53:06.440 And you, you, so what you reap kind of mentality.

00:53:10.220 And, and I, and I wonder by being integrity at all times and trying to always do it right,

00:53:15.580 that there's thought around that.

00:53:16.960 Like you have thought around that, what type of man you are and what kind of a man you show

00:53:22.380 up and, and your value, uh, that you have within your family and within your, your community

00:53:28.280 and whatnot.

00:53:28.740 And that is positive thought, which reaps a different type of reward than I'm a piece

00:53:35.300 of shit and I don't pick up stuff.

00:53:36.920 And you know what I mean?

00:53:37.940 Showing up differently changes your thought process about yourself.

00:53:40.780 I just can't help but cause that correlation or bring that up.

00:53:44.220 I think that's a great point.

00:53:45.140 I think there's things that are completely, uh, uncorrelated that actually start lining

00:53:49.520 up.

00:53:49.840 So I'll go back to the transmission on the car.

00:53:51.480 Well, uh, again, I bring up Pete just cause he's like the one friend I have out here,

00:53:56.460 right?

00:53:56.700 So Pete and I, Pete and I know each other.

00:53:59.360 We have a relationship.

00:54:00.240 Well, he introduced me to his father-in-law.

00:54:02.080 He's a great guy.

00:54:02.740 He's a, he's somebody in town who's, who's really well connected.

00:54:06.040 He's very knowledgeable.

00:54:07.020 He knows mechanics and engines and things like that.

00:54:10.200 And, and so I, you know, I, I, I fostered that relationship with Pete over years, you know,

00:54:17.780 we've been working together for years and the transmission on my car goes out last night.

00:54:24.600 So, or a couple of days ago.

00:54:25.920 So I tell Pete, I'm like, Hey man, here's, here's what's going on.

00:54:28.720 And he's like, Oh man, that sucks.

00:54:30.200 Call Joe.

00:54:30.880 Joe's his father-in-law.

00:54:32.080 Well, I, I've known Joe.

00:54:33.260 I've known Joe for months.

00:54:34.080 I met him when I were out.

00:54:34.740 This is Joe from origin, right?

00:54:36.220 From origin.

00:54:36.620 Yeah.

00:54:37.240 Yeah.

00:54:37.440 I met him last year at origin.

00:54:39.360 You know, we, we, we had lunch the other day together.

00:54:42.220 Like, you know, I, we fostered that relationship.

00:54:44.480 So I, I call up Joe and I'm like, Hey Joe, here's what's going on.

00:54:46.880 And he's like, Oh man, I'll come over in a couple of days.

00:54:48.240 So he comes over, looks at, he's like, yeah, it's like, yeah, man, it is your transmission.

00:54:52.520 Here's some, here's my friend who you're going to, who you can take it to.

00:54:55.400 I've told him you're coming.

00:54:56.800 Here's what it's looking like.

00:54:57.840 Bring it in on Wednesday.

00:54:59.800 Like these are, these are seemingly non-correlated things.

00:55:04.060 And yet they all start to line up to your point because I'm trying to build goodwill and

00:55:09.860 foster relationships and do the right thing in every aspect of my life.

00:55:13.400 So this non-correlated aspect ends up kind of taking care of itself in a lot of way.

00:55:18.360 Otherwise, I don't know where to go.

00:55:19.880 Like I'm in this new place.

00:55:20.940 Like what, who do I take it to?

00:55:22.860 Who's going to take advantage of me?

00:55:24.280 Right?

00:55:24.520 Like I have no idea, but we've built all of these little relationships and this, this

00:55:30.200 human capital, if you will, and some other areas start to work out the way that, that

00:55:35.240 you hope they will work out when things go wrong.

00:55:37.020 So yeah, Jeff flew it.

00:55:40.540 I can have a tendency to be a perfectionist, all or nothing attitude.

00:55:45.280 Either of you are a hundred percent on track or F it and eat poorly again because you already

00:55:51.980 blew your plan for the day.

00:55:53.180 For an example, how do you guys find a balance between being hard on yourself and knowing

00:55:58.180 when to let something go and just reset and move on dwelling on the past isn't productive,

00:56:03.460 but letting yourself off the hook too easily isn't either.

00:56:06.440 I really don't think they're at odds with each other.

00:56:09.100 I think you should be hard on yourself.

00:56:10.760 If you're not going to be who else, I mean, we live in a society that excuses every sort

00:56:14.760 of behavior and any sort of wrongdoing or any sort of unfortunate circumstance you could

00:56:19.560 find yourself in, or you create for yourself.

00:56:21.460 That's the type of world that we live in.

00:56:23.720 So nobody's going to be hard on you.

00:56:25.600 You might say some mean things, but like at the end of the day, you're going to be okay.

00:56:29.300 Right?

00:56:30.160 And nobody's going to expect much of you.

00:56:32.240 In fact, they're going to encourage mediocrity and complacency.

00:56:35.240 So you don't challenge their own existence.

00:56:37.720 So you should be hard on yourself.

00:56:39.880 You should be the hardest on yourself.

00:56:42.660 You should be the one setting the standard and the expectation.

00:56:45.700 If you're living by somebody else's, it's going to be set too low.

00:56:49.160 That said, you're going to also mess up.

00:56:51.980 That's the nature of the beast.

00:56:53.320 So when you do compartmentalize it, that's the best thing you can do.

00:56:57.940 You just, what do you mean by that, Ryan?

00:56:59.580 What I mean is that when you screw up and you will, so for example, I'm trying to give

00:57:04.420 you a lot of examples here because I think that that's more helpful.

00:57:06.860 Uh, the other day I lost my cool, lost my patience and really got after my oldest son.

00:57:15.000 Does that mean I'm a horrible dad?

00:57:17.700 No, it just means that for five minutes I lost my patience because I had some stressors

00:57:22.520 in my life that I allowed to seep over into other areas of my life that I shouldn't have.

00:57:27.220 So I didn't, I didn't, I didn't define myself by losing my patience.

00:57:33.300 I just said, Oh, you messed up, Ryan.

00:57:36.260 You messed up.

00:57:38.900 Compartmentalize it.

00:57:39.480 That was a single mess up in the day.

00:57:41.860 Fix it.

00:57:42.480 What I do, apologize and correct the behavior moving forward.

00:57:47.700 So now I get back on the perfect track, right?

00:57:50.200 Okay.

00:57:50.640 Now I'm not going to lose my cool.

00:57:52.360 Guess what?

00:57:52.700 Am I going to lose my cool again?

00:57:53.860 You bet I am.

00:57:54.580 There's, there's no doubt in my mind that at some point I'm going to lose my cool or

00:58:00.780 my patience with my kids over the next 18 years.

00:58:03.640 I'm sure that's going to happen, but I don't define myself that way.

00:58:08.860 Yeah.

00:58:09.340 You're, you're not, you're not saying I'm a bad father and look at me once again,

00:58:13.840 messing up.

00:58:14.420 You're like, okay, this was not ideal in this situation.

00:58:17.280 Correct.

00:58:17.840 That situation.

00:58:18.960 Move on.

00:58:19.340 That's the beauty of consciousness is that we can project ourselves and look at ourselves

00:58:23.920 objectively.

00:58:25.460 Like it's what the point I made earlier about Andy, you know, you're, you're, you're going

00:58:30.120 to do things that you feel like you're a dumb ass and you're going to do things that you feel

00:58:34.100 like you're a genius.

00:58:35.080 Neither are true.

00:58:37.580 Neither are true.

00:58:38.820 I'm not a bad father.

00:58:40.560 I'm also not like the best father, but I can work towards that.

00:58:45.580 I can aspire to be like that.

00:58:47.040 And when I screw up, it's just a little blip on the line that I can just fix, rectify remedy

00:58:54.460 and chalk it up to a learning experience and then get back on the path of being the type

00:58:59.140 of father that I have an aspirational goal to be like.

00:59:02.700 Get back in line with that integrity gap, if you will.

00:59:06.060 So yeah, be hard on yourself, man.

00:59:07.560 When you screw up, say, dude, I'm not going to do that again.

00:59:09.520 And then create a plan not to do it.

00:59:12.580 Hold yourself to a higher standard.

00:59:14.640 But when you mess up, realize it's not you as a whole.

00:59:20.420 It's just a, a part of you for a brief moment in time that you need to fix.

00:59:26.860 Yeah.

00:59:27.000 The action you need to fix, not.

00:59:28.600 That's right.

00:59:29.460 That's right.

00:59:30.880 Hmm.

00:59:31.520 That's good.

00:59:32.740 Hector Hugo Penna, uh, this, I'll try to get this right.

00:59:36.620 It's kind of was odd to read.

00:59:38.920 I always wonder if you would let your woman to do things for which you would dislike her

00:59:44.500 and what would be the limits you would tolerate and what would you do to stop, persuade, or

00:59:50.740 course her into your view of what is right?

00:59:54.580 Well, a couple of things.

00:59:58.060 I don't let her or not let her do anything.

01:00:02.160 And that might be a little bit of a language barrier.

01:00:05.360 Yeah.

01:00:05.760 You know what I'm saying?

01:00:06.360 Like he may not mean that, but I want guys to understand, like, do you let your wife

01:00:10.620 go out with other men or get that question periodically?

01:00:14.200 Like I don't let her or not let her, right?

01:00:16.580 We, we have conversations about it.

01:00:18.400 About boundaries, but you can't force her.

01:00:21.100 We have both dubbed that as inappropriate behavior.

01:00:23.760 And so therefore that's the page we're on.

01:00:25.660 Just like I wouldn't go out with some woman who's like a quote unquote friend.

01:00:29.360 That's the boundary that we have.

01:00:30.840 Um, but yeah, if she did something that I, that I disliked, you bet your ass I'd tell

01:00:36.400 her, Hey, you know this, when you do this, here's how I feel.

01:00:40.600 And here's how I interpret that.

01:00:41.920 And I don't appreciate that.

01:00:43.760 What, what do you, what, can you tell me what you think about it?

01:00:47.200 And then she'll tell me and we'll either agree or disagree and we'll hash it out and we'll

01:00:51.820 come to some sort of consensus.

01:00:53.200 And maybe there's some compromise in some certain circumstances and maybe there isn't compromise

01:00:57.700 in certain circumstances, but I don't dictate what she can do.

01:01:01.580 I dictate what I'm willing to accept because it's my boundary, right?

01:01:07.440 Like, Hey, if we're going to engage in this relationship, this is the boundary that we

01:01:12.680 don't, we don't have, we don't go hang out with members of the opposite sex by ourselves.

01:01:17.380 That's, that's one of the rules that we have that that's, that's a boundary of mine.

01:01:24.000 It's about also a boundary of hers.

01:01:26.900 So she can choose to do what she wants, but this is what I'll tolerate and this is what

01:01:31.480 I want, but I can't change her.

01:01:33.160 I can't dictate her, dictate to her.

01:01:35.560 Um, yeah, you got to figure out what, what, what boundaries are acceptable.

01:01:38.740 You got to communicate those boundaries to her, uh, and, and have her communicate her

01:01:42.960 boundaries to you.

01:01:43.660 Cause this has got to be give and take, right?

01:01:45.160 Like you, you've got to, you've got to hear her just as much as you want her to hear

01:01:48.100 you and, and talk about this stuff.

01:01:52.480 Like the answer is communication.

01:01:54.940 Yeah.

01:01:56.120 You know, unless there's something, Oh, just hold on one more second, Kip here.

01:01:59.420 Unless there's something like festering in the relationship, I'm willing to bet that, that

01:02:08.140 your significant other wants to work with you on these things.

01:02:11.720 Like you're not, uh, again, unless there's some sort of underlying, something festering,

01:02:18.440 something that definitely needs to be addressed in the relationship.

01:02:21.640 Your wife doesn't want contention and she wants to be on the same page with you.

01:02:26.660 She wants, she loves you.

01:02:28.340 She admires you.

01:02:29.360 She hopefully respects you because you've earned that.

01:02:31.940 Hopefully it goes both ways, which means that you guys can work together and talk about

01:02:36.820 this stuff.

01:02:37.260 If you do it, if you talk about it, you got to talk every day.

01:02:41.320 You got to talk, got to talk about things that, you know, sometimes I ask my wife how

01:02:46.840 her day is.

01:02:47.400 And you know, frankly, I don't want to hear about how her day is because I don't care,

01:02:51.860 but I ask and I nod and I acknowledge and I ask other questions because I don't care about

01:03:00.320 her day in that moment, but I do care about her and that's what I have to do in order for

01:03:07.960 her to feel loved and appreciated and understood and listened to, because I know that goes a long

01:03:13.900 way in other elements of the relationship.

01:03:16.160 Yeah.

01:03:18.880 Yeah.

01:03:19.360 The only thing I was just going to add is when you, when you're talking about, it's

01:03:22.580 about communication, it's, and it's not just communicating what you're unwilling to tolerate

01:03:27.140 and what the boundary is, but the explanation of why.

01:03:30.980 Yeah.

01:03:31.820 Right.

01:03:32.300 We sometimes like, oh, that's unacceptable or whatever.

01:03:35.500 This pisses me off.

01:03:36.620 Why?

01:03:37.860 Like explain why?

01:03:39.640 Because then, then she might be like, oh, well, I didn't realize it made you feel that

01:03:44.820 way.

01:03:45.060 I'm sorry.

01:03:45.820 Yeah.

01:03:45.980 I have no problem not doing that.

01:03:47.760 Or she, that it could be that, or she could say, oh, well, here's why I'm doing it.

01:03:53.340 And then you could say, well, I didn't realize that.

01:03:56.920 Exactly.

01:03:58.220 Yeah.

01:03:58.620 Exactly.

01:03:59.200 Cool.

01:03:59.420 It's crazy how that is.

01:04:00.380 Yeah.

01:04:00.800 All right.

01:04:01.060 We do our council questions.

01:04:03.220 Um, we got one, two, three, four, five, six more, man.

01:04:07.160 Okay.

01:04:07.720 Six more.

01:04:08.320 If you count Bubba's, let's, so like five and a half, let's get through, um, those and then

01:04:13.760 we'll, we'll save the others in queue.

01:04:16.300 Okay.

01:04:16.780 Sounds good.

01:04:17.360 We'll, we'll, we'll, we'll try to, we'll try to short.

01:04:19.940 Yeah.

01:04:20.040 We'll try to make these quicker.

01:04:21.260 All right.

01:04:21.780 Aaron goats.

01:04:22.400 What are some of non-negotiable activities in each of your lives that you refuse to go

01:04:27.760 a single day without doing?

01:04:31.920 Well, I have things I would like to say about that, but let me truth be told, there's things

01:04:37.340 that, you know, I don't do every day that I feel like I probably should.

01:04:40.680 This is that integrity gap I was telling you about, like working out, right?

01:04:44.340 I think that's a non-negotiable and yet I negotiate with that.

01:04:47.940 I shouldn't, but I do.

01:04:49.860 Yep.

01:04:49.940 Um, I think debt family dinner is very, very important to me.

01:04:55.440 That to me is a non-negotiable family scripture study, non-negotiable, uh, archery.

01:05:03.260 I really like to shoot and it helps.

01:05:05.120 It makes me feel good.

01:05:06.340 So that's a non-negotiable.

01:05:07.880 Although, you know, I got to tell you, if I'm truthful, I negotiate it with sometimes.

01:05:12.580 Yeah.

01:05:13.220 Uh, also anything on my battle plan, any of my tactics, one of my four tactics per day,

01:05:19.120 those are non-negotiables.

01:05:20.540 Those change just depending on the quarter and what my objectives are, but those are non-negotiables.

01:05:24.820 So yeah, I'd like to say that, that I absolutely will not ever go without these, but the truth

01:05:29.440 is we're all human, right?

01:05:32.420 We, we come up with these reasons and excuses.

01:05:35.760 Uh, just don't let them compound.

01:05:37.240 Yeah.

01:05:39.760 I'm the same.

01:05:40.700 It's whatever I'm, I've committed to doing as part of a plan, whether it's my battle plan

01:05:46.100 or a goal or whatever.

01:05:46.980 Those are the things I try not to, but it's the same.

01:05:49.580 I mean, really, to be honest, when I first read this question, I'm like really non-negotiables,

01:05:53.860 um, use in the bathroom and sleeping without a doubt.

01:05:59.500 That's it.

01:05:59.980 I will do those.

01:06:00.760 I know because it's not even like putting on deodorant or even brushing your teeth quite

01:06:04.560 frankly, sometimes, but yeah, no, I mean, this goes back to what we were talking about

01:06:09.260 earlier with the spirit of the message.

01:06:10.720 I think the, why is it asking this as like, what are some habits that everybody should

01:06:14.580 probably do on a daily basis?

01:06:16.000 And, and I think eat healthy, I think exercise, engage in a hobby that's mentally and emotionally

01:06:25.740 and physically, intellectually stimulating for you, uh, have good conversations with people

01:06:32.200 you care about and mind your business.

01:06:36.080 And I mean that in two ways, like don't get into other people's business.

01:06:39.460 And I mean, stay on top of your own.

01:06:41.620 Yeah.

01:06:43.360 There you go.

01:06:44.300 Kyle Woods, a lot of insights, thoughts, and ideas come to us when your mind is quiet

01:06:50.220 while driving in the shower, right before bed, et cetera.

01:06:53.640 What type of system do you have in place to capture and organize these thoughts at the

01:06:58.100 various times and places they occur?

01:07:00.460 Yeah, I have two.

01:07:01.200 I have, I use, uh, analog.

01:07:03.560 So like literally writing things down in field notes.

01:07:06.560 I don't have them right now.

01:07:07.580 Cause they're in one of these boxes that I'm looking at.

01:07:09.380 I have no idea where they are.

01:07:10.980 Uh, it's all hells, all hells fall.

01:07:14.300 Yeah.

01:07:14.800 The residents.

01:07:15.620 Look, cause if I, I'm one who I need to like dump this stuff out of my brain.

01:07:19.800 Cause if I let it just like bounce around in there, I will literally go insane.

01:07:25.020 So I gotta, I gotta flush it, which is the point he's making right here.

01:07:28.040 Uh, but I use field notes.

01:07:29.720 And so I will, uh, just, just jot it down if I'm on by my nightstand or whatever it may

01:07:35.080 be.

01:07:36.100 So there's that.

01:07:37.500 Um, and then I also have an app on my phone.

01:07:40.940 So I have the notes app on my iPhone and I have different, different notes.

01:07:46.460 Uh, in fact, I'll just, I'll just pull it up so that I can tell you exactly what it says

01:07:51.800 on here.

01:07:52.580 So these are some of the categories.

01:07:54.100 Um, group posts.

01:07:56.040 Like these are posts that I might make in Facebook, daily tasks, uh, challenges.

01:08:00.220 The challenges are the iron council challenges we alluded to earlier.

01:08:03.640 Uh, house is another one.

01:08:05.000 These are things that I need to get done around the house in order to get the things up and

01:08:07.660 running.

01:08:08.320 Friday field notes are topics for Friday field notes shows.

01:08:12.740 Um, I mean, there's a lot of different ones on here.

01:08:15.720 One is, is wedding.

01:08:17.060 Cause I, I married a friend, John Gilliland.

01:08:19.720 Uh, these were notes that I took that I wanted to address.

01:08:22.360 I haven't deleted that yet.

01:08:24.100 Um, hashtags are in here.

01:08:25.640 If I think of a hashtag, I've got everything organized here in these notes.

01:08:29.340 I've got like 50 different notes that I can jot them all down in legacy is one.

01:08:34.200 So like if I think of new legacy ideas, I just jot it down in there.

01:08:37.200 That's, that's where I put this stuff mostly.

01:08:39.420 Yeah.

01:08:40.000 I use to do lists on my phone and I, and I have projects categories set up and I just add

01:08:45.420 everything and, but I've done all kinds of stuff in the past.

01:08:48.540 I used to call my office and leave myself voicemails and then in the morning I'd come

01:08:53.380 in, check my voicemails and then jot those things down that I need to tackle.

01:08:57.040 Yeah.

01:08:57.220 Uh, the problem I have is my phone's not, I purposely trying to not keep it close to my

01:09:02.540 bed, but I, so at nighttime I'll be laying down, hop out of bed, herpid jot something

01:09:07.720 down, hop back in bed.

01:09:09.080 Oh crap.

01:09:09.780 Hop in.

01:09:10.440 You know what I mean?

01:09:11.060 I'll be like, Oh man, I need another tool here or something closer.

01:09:14.540 So yeah.

01:09:14.980 Anyhow.

01:09:15.660 Cool.

01:09:16.200 Cool.

01:09:16.320 All right.

01:09:16.640 Kevin Hoyle, what tactics do you have to manage your self talk from being so critical?

01:09:22.880 I know for myself, I'm my worst critic, which most of the times I use to motivate, but I

01:09:28.800 think it may be subconsciously holding me back as well.

01:09:33.000 I've never run into this issue.

01:09:34.620 I don't, I can't think of a time where I've thought like, I mean, I've thought poorly of

01:09:42.400 myself in moments, but I don't think I've ever habitually thought poorly of myself.

01:09:47.620 And I'm trying to think about why that is.

01:09:50.040 I guess, I guess I just have always drawn upon the things that I've done well.

01:09:56.020 Like we get to choose what we focus on.

01:09:58.700 I've screwed some things up royally, but I'm not going to focus on that.

01:10:03.620 I'm going to focus on what I did right.

01:10:06.020 You know, even if I'm out shooting, shooting archery and make a bad shot.

01:10:09.320 I made a bad shot last year yesterday and I lost one of my arrows.

01:10:12.300 Like I didn't, I suck at this.

01:10:14.800 This is not, no, I was like, Oh, what did I do wrong?

01:10:17.460 Oh, you know what?

01:10:18.140 I pulled it.

01:10:19.180 You know, I didn't follow through.

01:10:20.120 So I'm just going to follow through.

01:10:22.040 So as I took my next shots, I just followed through and it worked itself out.

01:10:26.860 I guess like thoughts in and of themselves are, they're not really all that valuable.

01:10:33.080 And what I mean by that is unless you implement those ideas, it's worthless.

01:10:39.620 So what that does for me is it focuses me on forward thinking.

01:10:44.620 Why have a thought that doesn't lead to an action?

01:10:47.120 And, and feeling shitty about what you did doesn't lead to an action.

01:10:53.000 It just wallow.

01:10:54.760 It's just you wallowing in your own self pity and misery.

01:10:58.180 So I'm like, okay, well, yeah, you know, I yelled at my son.

01:11:00.980 That was a shitty thing to do.

01:11:03.140 So what can I do better?

01:11:04.380 Well, you can go apologize.

01:11:05.600 Okay, I'll go do that.

01:11:07.520 Hey, when you start to lose your cool, you can get yourself out of the situation or take

01:11:10.900 a couple of breaths.

01:11:11.540 Okay.

01:11:11.840 Yeah, that's good.

01:11:12.820 I guess I just feel the negativity with things that are going to drive me to action.

01:11:16.240 And that's always seemed to work well for me.

01:11:18.500 Yeah.

01:11:19.660 That's interesting.

01:11:20.420 I can't help but, but think about how I've had this conversation with my kids of late

01:11:26.240 about, you know, like they'll, they'll make some like, oh man, that kid or that girl is

01:11:30.640 so good at gymnastics or, or he's so good at baseball.

01:11:33.580 And I, I'm constantly like, what's the difference between you and them?

01:11:37.780 And the only difference is they've put in the reps and you haven't, but we have a tendency

01:11:43.460 ever since we're kids to immediately go, oh, well that person's value, we tie it to their

01:11:49.620 value and we forget about the action.

01:11:51.980 Right.

01:11:52.380 And when I hear that term self-talk, well, what is it talking about?

01:11:56.480 They're not talking about what you're just saying, Ryan, they're not, you're not talking

01:11:59.940 about the action.

01:12:01.540 No, you're talking about self, how it relates to who you are or who you are as a person,

01:12:06.340 not the correction of the action itself.

01:12:08.900 Right.

01:12:09.300 I think if we're being critical of our actions, that could be really valuable.

01:12:13.460 If you're being critical of your identity and labeling who you are, that's a different

01:12:19.420 story.

01:12:20.420 Right.

01:12:21.060 This is interesting because I think, and I, and I agree with you.

01:12:23.840 I think we are, if we were to define ourselves generally, we would have to define ourselves

01:12:29.480 as a collection of our actions.

01:12:32.880 Yeah.

01:12:33.580 So if you want to be identified differently, you have to change the action.

01:12:37.080 Yeah.

01:12:37.520 But, but, but, but I think what, what he's alluding to, right.

01:12:40.580 And a lot of people when they do critical, like when they're being over to critical, critical

01:12:44.680 of themselves is they're labeling themselves as a whole.

01:12:47.760 Right.

01:12:48.520 With, with almost like this idea that that is who they are, regardless of the actions they

01:12:54.660 take or the adjustments they take.

01:12:56.500 Right.

01:12:56.700 It's like this blanketed, like I am this period.

01:13:00.500 Yeah.

01:13:00.840 Right.

01:13:01.480 Yeah.

01:13:02.000 I actually heard this, this idea and we've, I think we've talked a lot that there's an

01:13:06.020 underlying theme.

01:13:06.680 And this is what it is in this today's podcast.

01:13:08.680 But I heard this from the mind pump media guys, um, Sal in particular, he said that people

01:13:13.640 do this a lot.

01:13:14.280 And the example he uses, he said, people will say, I am fat.

01:13:19.060 Yeah.

01:13:19.520 And he's like, you shouldn't say that.

01:13:20.600 What you should say is I have fat.

01:13:22.380 And that small distinction.

01:13:25.500 Now you're not labeling yourself as fat.

01:13:28.680 You're just labeling the circumstances that you can now rectify and fix.

01:13:34.120 So it's kind of an interesting thought.

01:13:35.800 And I think this is what we're, we're alluding here too, is being careful of labeling yourself

01:13:40.060 as much as worrying about your actions that will produce results that you're, you're after

01:13:44.980 that you want to obtain.

01:13:46.260 And, and you allude to this all the time is one of the best ways to have, because on the

01:13:51.000 flip side of this, right, I have a strong opinion about people that you might have a

01:13:55.480 low self-esteem.

01:13:56.280 And in some of those cases, I, you know, I kind of asked myself is like, well, what are

01:14:00.660 you doing to think highly of yourself?

01:14:03.180 Right.

01:14:03.400 Are you being valuable?

01:14:04.520 Um, and, and so one of the ways, maybe one of the ways to get past this negative self-talk

01:14:10.160 is make some positive action, right?

01:14:14.240 Create some momentum, create a reason for you to be positive about yourself.

01:14:19.020 And, you know, we talk about it all the time about, you know, get, get into the gym and

01:14:23.220 getting after it in many different ways of your life.

01:14:24.980 Like it creates some momentum around you, right?

01:14:27.400 And, and it creates, opens up doors of possibility.

01:14:30.640 Right.

01:14:31.700 Yeah.

01:14:32.300 Yeah.

01:14:32.740 Yeah.

01:14:32.860 Uh, fix yourself.

01:14:34.520 That's, that's usually will help you feel better.

01:14:37.360 Yeah.

01:14:37.740 You don't get to just feel good.

01:14:39.500 I think that's an interesting thing.

01:14:41.040 And that's, that, that's like this, um, so true, this like body, but what do they call

01:14:45.120 it?

01:14:45.260 Like the, the, I can't even think about it.

01:14:47.980 The, the body movement, right?

01:14:49.440 Like you just be happy with your body.

01:14:50.840 It's like, come on, you know, you're full of shit.

01:14:54.760 Like, you know, you're 50 pounds overweight.

01:14:56.420 You're not going to trick yourself into believing that somehow you should be happy about that.

01:15:01.220 Instead of spending all this time and energy,

01:15:03.340 loving and accepting yourself and your current status, why not work on improving yourself?

01:15:09.060 Like just redirect that energy into improving yourself so you don't have to bullshit yourself.

01:15:13.360 You can then at, at some point in the very near future, tell yourself the truth, which

01:15:18.440 is I look damn good in front of this mirror, not lying to yourself saying, Oh, I, I love

01:15:24.560 this extra spare tire that I'm carrying around.

01:15:26.620 I've always wanted to be 50 pounds overweight.

01:15:28.820 Get real.

01:15:30.320 Well, and it only lasts so long, you know, you're lying to yourself.

01:15:34.020 Exactly.

01:15:34.900 Yeah.

01:15:35.220 You can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you're not going to fool yourself.

01:15:38.100 It's garbage.

01:15:38.860 It's nonsense.

01:15:39.480 All right.

01:15:41.460 Three more questions.

01:15:42.200 Bubba downs.

01:15:43.360 When is the appropriate time to pass someone in the chain of command?

01:15:46.860 If a supervisor is unavailable and absent, how many times should I try to make that work

01:15:51.620 prior to going to his boss?

01:15:53.480 Oh man, this is tough.

01:15:54.860 Cause you're treading on thin ice where you could potentially get yourself into some trouble

01:15:59.320 and make your life.

01:16:01.400 Hell, um, I would say first and foremost, if the issue warrants it, um, meaning that

01:16:06.200 it's serious, if there's some sort of safety issue, maybe a play here or, or, uh, the there's,

01:16:14.020 there's some sort of potential loss to the organization or company, you might want to move

01:16:19.260 it up to the chain of command.

01:16:20.640 Um, if you know, you recognize that somebody's late constantly and you want to take like, that's

01:16:26.300 probably not a conversation worth taking up the chain of command.

01:16:29.440 Right. So, so use some discernment on what you're going to share.

01:16:34.140 Um, also try to figure out what the expectation is within an organization.

01:16:37.520 Like, is this acceptable?

01:16:39.040 Like, do they even recognize a chain of command?

01:16:41.060 And if they do recognize a chain of command, is it acceptable to advance it up the chain

01:16:45.620 of command?

01:16:46.080 That's a, that's an expectations issue.

01:16:48.220 It might not be, and it might be.

01:16:50.580 And if it is, and you find that out and that's what, how it's worked in the past, then you can

01:16:54.020 take a little bit more confidence knowing that that's the case.

01:16:56.080 Um, yeah, I mean, that, that's, that's, that's what I would say is, is it relevant?

01:17:02.900 Does it need to be brought up to the chain of command because there's some serious issue

01:17:05.700 and is this acceptable behavior within the organization?

01:17:09.620 Yeah.

01:17:10.280 And, and what's, what's funny is another concept of why this is thin ice is going to his boss.

01:17:18.500 There, there is a bunch of unknown that you might be assuming, right?

01:17:23.000 It's like, oh, this supervisor is unavailable and he's dropping the ball.

01:17:27.540 What other things is a supervisor taxed with that you're completely unaware of, right?

01:17:32.640 That the boss is aware of, but you're not.

01:17:34.600 And then you're like, Hey, he's not doing what he should be doing.

01:17:36.760 He's like, uh, hell yeah, he is.

01:17:38.320 He's taking care of, or he's taking care of higher priority items.

01:17:41.940 You're just unaware of them.

01:17:43.160 Well, so maybe the answer to that, you're right.

01:17:45.480 It could be a little dangerous too.

01:17:46.560 Yeah.

01:17:46.720 Maybe the answer to that is not throwing any individual under the bus.

01:17:50.400 Yeah.

01:17:50.820 And just simply saying, Hey, what can I do?

01:17:53.580 I see a gap here.

01:17:54.600 Right.

01:17:54.820 We've got this, we've got this project and, and I realized, you know, John's been busy,

01:17:58.500 maybe not even bringing that up, that individual up.

01:18:01.440 Right.

01:18:01.840 It's like, Hey, we've got this project and I think it's really worth advancing because of X,

01:18:06.460 Y, and Z.

01:18:07.160 Is there something I can do to help advance this?

01:18:09.440 Oh, talk to John.

01:18:10.660 All right.

01:18:10.980 Okay.

01:18:11.200 Well, you know, all right.

01:18:12.300 How do, how best do I get ahold of them?

01:18:14.380 Or, you know, so you go that route or maybe that, that direct supervisor says, or the chain

01:18:19.400 of command says, yeah, well, Bubba, why don't you go ahead and head that up and go ahead

01:18:23.240 and take care of that.

01:18:23.900 And then you have permission to move along with the thing.

01:18:27.100 Yeah.

01:18:27.460 You might even ask, even ask the individual right above you.

01:18:32.000 Like, for example, if, if Bubba's in the chain of command is right above me, I might reach

01:18:36.180 out to him and say, Hey, Bubba, I've tried to reach out five times.

01:18:39.120 I know you're super busy.

01:18:40.500 You've got a lot going on within the organization.

01:18:42.300 And, um, I think this is really important.

01:18:44.580 Do you mind if I spearhead this?

01:18:47.660 He might say, yes.

01:18:48.680 Yeah.

01:18:48.940 Yeah.

01:18:49.200 I do have a lot going on.

01:18:50.080 Why don't you do that?

01:18:50.600 That is important to me.

01:18:51.380 Go ahead and take care of that.

01:18:52.340 I give you permission to do that.

01:18:54.960 Yeah.

01:18:55.300 I love that.

01:18:57.460 Cool.

01:18:57.960 What else?

01:18:58.380 Spot on.

01:18:58.880 All right.

01:18:59.260 Bill tail.

01:19:00.300 What are your top five punch list items now that you are moved into your new house?

01:19:05.360 Uh, well, internet was a huge issue, right?

01:19:07.040 Cause that's my life and job.

01:19:08.480 So internet was big.

01:19:10.120 Uh, next is the heating system.

01:19:12.000 Cause it gets cold in me.

01:19:13.900 Um, I just procrastinate on that one.

01:19:18.120 I don't, I don't think that's that press.

01:19:19.720 Yeah.

01:19:20.600 Uh, so that's important.

01:19:22.180 Um, what else?

01:19:23.680 Uh, getting my office and studio set up is really, really important to me.

01:19:27.940 So that's, what is that?

01:19:29.960 Three, uh, find your field notes.

01:19:32.480 Find my field notes.

01:19:33.380 That's critical.

01:19:35.840 Um, I mean, there's the other stuff, right?

01:19:38.920 Like we got to unbox and get the kids set up and mow the lawns and all that kind of stuff.

01:19:46.000 Like, I don't know.

01:19:47.020 Those are my three top, top three ones.

01:19:49.020 Did you buy a, a, a riding lawnmower?

01:19:51.480 No, I have a zero turning here with the house.

01:19:53.520 So I've got a zero turn, a tractor and a side-by-side that came with the house as well.

01:19:56.680 So that came with the house.

01:19:57.580 That's nice.

01:19:58.220 Yeah.

01:19:59.180 So that's why you did that first.

01:20:00.720 You're like, let's try that out.

01:20:01.980 It was awesome.

01:20:03.580 Did you see that video?

01:20:04.780 I did.

01:20:05.260 Totally.

01:20:05.820 I was totally jealous.

01:20:06.860 I was like, dang it.

01:20:07.740 I'm going to ride a lawnmower.

01:20:08.940 I was telling somebody I'm going to charge people to come mow my lawn.

01:20:12.840 That's that fun.

01:20:15.740 That's funny.

01:20:16.460 All right.

01:20:16.820 Last one.

01:20:17.440 What do we got?

01:20:17.860 One or two more?

01:20:18.600 All right.

01:20:18.900 Yeah.

01:20:19.200 Last one.

01:20:19.720 Scott Shortmeyer.

01:20:21.360 On the father and daughter front, what is one example of something you are intentionally instilling

01:20:26.320 in your daughter?

01:20:28.580 Independence is huge.

01:20:30.800 Like, I don't want her to have to rely upon a man.

01:20:34.420 I think women get into that situation a lot where they feel like they have to rely upon

01:20:38.860 another man.

01:20:39.420 And so, um, they, they, they, they make themselves subject to or put themselves at the mercy of

01:20:45.600 another individual.

01:20:46.380 Right.

01:20:47.200 They lose their freedom a little bit.

01:20:48.900 Yeah.

01:20:49.120 Yeah.

01:20:49.540 I mean, I even think about that, like, this is morbid.

01:20:51.840 I know, but I think about if I die, I don't want my wife to hurry and to have to hurry

01:20:56.520 and get married for financial freedom and, and, and financial solvency.

01:21:00.440 Right.

01:21:00.700 Yeah.

01:21:01.300 So I purchased a lot of life insurance.

01:21:03.260 I shouldn't say purchased a lot of life insurance so that she, she's taken care of

01:21:08.340 and she has the freedom, financial freedom to not have to put herself in that situation.

01:21:12.960 So I, I, I think the same thing is, as my daughter, like I need her to know how to change

01:21:18.600 a tire because I don't want her to be stuck or stranded somewhere and have to put herself

01:21:24.220 in a position, a compromising position.

01:21:26.720 So it's self-reliant and independence is really, really important for me when it comes to raising

01:21:31.360 a daughter.

01:21:33.480 Yeah.

01:21:34.100 You've already alluded to this in the past, Ryan, that, that a lot of the things you instill

01:21:38.300 in your daughter are the same things that you teach your boys.

01:21:40.800 Of course, I know that's good.

01:21:43.440 Yeah.

01:21:43.800 Yeah.

01:21:44.040 I was just going to say, I, for me, they're, they're virtually almost the same, right?

01:21:49.060 Um, I, there's not much difference.

01:21:51.380 There's more pressure.

01:21:52.520 I put, probably put on my boys of like, as a man, you need to do these things.

01:21:56.980 Right.

01:21:57.260 But being tough and, uh, being able to, um, have some grit and delayed gratification, all

01:22:04.520 those things are the same things I try to pitch my girls, which I completely love.

01:22:08.300 Cause I, I read the, you know, Jocko's, uh, way of the warrior kid to my daughters and

01:22:12.480 it's like their favorite book, you know?

01:22:14.940 So, um, they, they very much relate to Mark and his struggles.

01:22:19.800 Yeah.

01:22:19.920 I would say on that note, there's just a lot of things that are going to apply to both

01:22:23.400 sons and daughters.

01:22:24.320 Like you said, discipline, toughness, fortitude, all that kind of stuff.

01:22:27.880 But I also think that there's, I, I would say there's a, obviously there's a distinction.

01:22:33.220 I should say it should be obvious.

01:22:35.400 It's not always obvious to people that there's a distinction between men and women.

01:22:39.140 Some people are clueless.

01:22:41.580 I know, I know, I know a girl.

01:22:43.880 She's different than me.

01:22:44.900 She's different.

01:22:45.680 I know lots of girls and they're all different than lots of guys.

01:22:49.200 Anyways, um, I, I embrace and promote and encourage masculine characteristics in, in,

01:22:56.980 in my sons, competitiveness, aggression, dominance, even physicality and potentially

01:23:02.700 even violence.

01:23:03.200 I encourage that.

01:23:04.000 I foster that in a healthy environment.

01:23:05.620 I don't foster that so much in my daughter, but I do foster and support her when she's kind

01:23:13.680 and nurturing and empathetic.

01:23:15.880 I reward her for that.

01:23:17.220 I encourage her to be feminine.

01:23:19.040 That's not to say that she can exhibit some masculine traits at times where it's needed

01:23:23.760 and called for, but I don't encourage softness necessarily in my sons, but I do encourage

01:23:30.440 empathy and kindness and compassion in my daughter.

01:23:33.900 Right.

01:23:34.120 So it's not always so black and white, but I encourage them to be boys and I encourage her

01:23:40.160 to be a little girl.

01:23:41.220 Do you put a little bit more weight on your boys in regards to, I don't know, quote unquote

01:23:46.180 responsibility.

01:23:47.440 Yeah.

01:23:47.560 Because that's the way of the world and it always will be in people, people will fight

01:23:51.560 on that.

01:23:51.900 Right.

01:23:52.180 And somebody's going to hear this and say, well, we live in 2019 and whatever.

01:23:56.740 And women do just as, you know what?

01:23:58.660 Like when, when all shit, all, all, everything goes to, to shit, where does the responsibility

01:24:04.560 fall?

01:24:06.640 Does, does any, look, I'm just going to say it.

01:24:09.580 Does anybody look to the woman to rescue them?

01:24:11.520 No, because that's not her job.

01:24:15.720 Doesn't mean she's not worthy or not important or not a contributing member of society.

01:24:20.960 It's the man's job.

01:24:22.980 And so the man needs to be harder and he is by design, biologically, because that's the

01:24:31.300 man's job.

01:24:32.060 And what kind of man are you when, when you don't, when you, when you are unwilling to

01:24:41.220 do that, right?

01:24:42.160 This, this, uh, what's his Broward County sheriff or whatever, who, uh, has been charged

01:24:46.480 now with, uh, with, with some, some felony charges because he didn't go into that, into

01:24:51.420 that school and do anything about it.

01:24:53.520 He neglected his job, man.

01:24:55.140 Not just as a sheriff, but as a man.

01:24:57.600 Yeah.

01:24:58.560 I was saying that's not easy.

01:25:00.640 It's not.

01:25:01.280 We, we expect him to run into the fire.

01:25:05.320 He didn't do it.

01:25:06.700 It's not an easy thing to run into that fire.

01:25:10.140 That's why he's got to be trained.

01:25:11.340 He's got to be conditioned.

01:25:12.720 He needs to be that's why that way as a young man.

01:25:14.840 Yeah.

01:25:15.200 And that's why we need to be conditioned.

01:25:17.140 So we can run to that fire as necessary, you know, when that's necessary for us.

01:25:21.020 No doubt.

01:25:21.800 A hundred percent.

01:25:22.920 Cool, man.

01:25:23.420 I think we got through a lot here today.

01:25:25.240 Yeah.

01:25:26.080 What are we an hour and a half?

01:25:27.220 All right.

01:25:27.860 Let's wrap it up.

01:25:28.820 Bring us home, Kip.

01:25:30.100 Bring us home.

01:25:30.800 Well, it's been so long since he's done a podcast.

01:25:33.500 I even know what to bring it, bring home.

01:25:35.900 I'm just joking.

01:25:37.260 Yeah.

01:25:37.700 It's been seven whole days.

01:25:39.840 Hey, as always guys, um, jump on the train, be part of this movement.

01:25:46.040 You can do so by joining us on facebook.com slash group slash order of man, or you can

01:25:51.380 join us in the exclusive brotherhood, the iron council to learn more about the iron council.

01:25:57.140 You can go to order of man.com slash iron council.

01:26:00.440 I believe the origin camp is probably full or if it's not, you guys better act like it is.

01:26:07.360 It's really close if it isn't.

01:26:08.820 Yeah.

01:26:08.900 Cause I know Pete was there just yesterday.

01:26:10.800 He was getting things locked down at the, uh, at camp Laurel, which is where it's held,

01:26:14.580 which is an amazing, amazing place.

01:26:16.300 It's not the one across the lake, Kim.

01:26:18.540 It's camp Laurel.

01:26:22.360 A little inside joke of the wrong camp.

01:26:25.500 I showed up at, uh, last year in the middle of the night.

01:26:29.180 Yeah, totally.

01:26:30.300 I'm like walking around, looking through windows.

01:26:32.280 I'm like, what the crap is everybody?

01:26:34.640 Um, learn more about origins, immersion jujitsu camp at origin, main.com slash order camp.

01:26:41.300 Um, and register there guys.

01:26:43.440 Uh, if you're listening to this, register at that URL.

01:26:46.260 Um, that allows us to know how many guys from the order are going.

01:26:50.000 Um, and origin is, is hooking us up with rash guards, order of man, rash guards.

01:26:55.640 So you're definitely use that URL if you guys are interested in registering.

01:26:59.560 As always subscribe, uh, leave a rating and review on the podcast and you can follow Mr.

01:27:05.740 Mickler on Twitter and or Instagram at Ryan Mickler.

01:27:09.280 That's R Y A N M I C H L E R.

01:27:13.020 And I'm assuming the store is open based upon some photos on your Instagram.

01:27:17.060 It's looking like you're, you're getting pretty darn close.

01:27:20.200 Yeah, it's open.

01:27:20.980 Um, I will say it's limited right now just because I didn't reorder anything in our,

01:27:25.220 uh, in our, in our moving process.

01:27:27.920 So shirts, sizes, hats, et cetera, et cetera, limited.

01:27:32.160 The battle planners are in stock though.

01:27:33.760 So that's good news.

01:27:34.880 And then we should be in the next two to three weeks starting to get more of our orders and

01:27:39.220 shirts.

01:27:39.520 And I've got a couple of new shirt designs coming out.

01:27:41.660 So yeah, stay on, stay on the lookout.

01:27:45.040 To access the store, go to store.orderofman.com.

01:27:48.160 That's right.

01:27:49.200 Cool.

01:27:49.800 I think you did it.

01:27:51.040 I did.

01:27:51.820 Well done, Chip.

01:27:52.760 I had faith in you.

01:27:53.620 All right, guys.

01:27:55.160 Appreciate you as always.

01:27:56.540 Um, yeah, it's just been a great ride.

01:27:58.260 I'm looking forward to seeing, uh, how we continue to progress and continue to evolve.

01:28:01.980 And we will, uh, just make sure you're sharing it and doing your part, but, uh, appreciate

01:28:05.620 you until Friday for our Friday field.

01:28:07.720 Let's go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:28:11.240 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:28:14.000 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:28:17.800 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 12, 2019

The Cost of Growth, Setting Standards and Expectations, and Overcoming Negative Self-Talk

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