Order of Man - The Dangers of Faulty Expectations, Overcoming a Failed Marriage, and the Power of Reinvention ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Mr. Kip Sorensen, good to see you again, brother.

00:00:26.940 Good to be here, man. We got some solid questions from our brothers in the Iron Council. So excited

00:00:33.120 to kind of go over some of these with the audience. Yeah, I don't normally review them because I like

00:00:38.740 to shoot off the cuff a little bit because, well, I'm busy, number one. But then also I like that

00:00:44.900 just like knee jerk reaction almost, if you will. But I actually did review these ones and it looks

00:00:49.540 like we have questions. So I'm excited to go through those things. Yeah, I mostly just review

00:00:54.200 them briefly just to determine if we should yank them out and not cover them because you guys have

00:01:00.560 submitted questions that are not worthy of the podcast from time to time. So we've had to scrub a

00:01:07.880 little bit. So yeah, and if you remember from the IC, we're pretty safe. That's true. And if you do

00:01:14.540 remember, there was we stripped it out post recording. But at one point it was super funny.

00:01:21.300 I read off the question at the end. It says, please, please leave my name out or mention this

00:01:28.000 as anonymous. I was like, oh, that's right. And then we had to trim it out after to trim his name

00:01:34.300 out. Right. But not the question. I think we left the question. Yeah. Yeah. We try to we try to keep

00:01:39.520 it pretty raw around here because, you know, that's that's life. So, you know, when I started the

00:01:44.040 podcast, I used to over edit it where I'd take out all the ums and the ahs and the awkward pauses and

00:01:49.140 things like that. And I don't do that anymore. I leave all that stuff in there. It's just more

00:01:53.340 real and relevant. And I think people that listen, the guys that are tuning in appreciate it because

00:01:58.460 it's a more natural conversation than having this thing all scripted out just perfectly and

00:02:03.140 communicating. Just that's actually one of the problems with social media is like

00:02:06.260 it's just this over filtered, perfect or it's not perfect, but just the representation of perfection

00:02:14.000 online. And the biggest problem with that is there's a huge disconnect between

00:02:18.620 that which is portrayed and then the people who are observing it, their reality. And so

00:02:25.140 they end up tuning out and being because there's this disconnect. It's just not real. It's like,

00:02:29.900 I don't see myself in that. And so they disconnect or even worse. They feel like what the hell's wrong

00:02:35.760 with them because they're comparing to this perception of perfection that just doesn't exist.

00:02:41.560 Totally. Yeah. I mean, if you guys are feeling, have low self-esteem, hop on YouTube, look at us

00:02:47.380 and you'll feel a hell of a lot better about yourselves. The way you look. Speak for yourself,

00:02:52.840 man. Speak for yourself. Don't throw me into there with that. You're like, I hate public speaking,

00:02:57.340 but when I listen to Ryan and Kip, I feel like I, I am really superior. I'm really good at this.

00:03:02.540 Exactly. Exactly. We'll indicate. Okay. Cummings as well.

00:03:09.780 All right, man. Should we get into it guys? We're answering questions again. I think these

00:03:13.960 ones come from the iron council. We might have a little bit of pour over depending on time from

00:03:17.620 the Facebook group. Uh, but we give precedent to the, to the members of the iron council. And if

00:03:23.080 you are interested in that, or at least learning what that's all about, uh, then head to order of

00:03:27.740 man.com slash iron council. That's our exclusive brotherhood. Uh, this week we're taught, or excuse

00:03:33.080 me, this month, we're talking all about habits. Um, we've got a great conversation next week for

00:03:37.260 the podcast. So it'll be available to you listening, uh, with the author of atomic habits, James clear.

00:03:43.120 And, uh, we're doing a deep dive inside of the iron council regarding processes and systems and habits

00:03:49.740 and all that fun stuff in anticipation for the good work we're going to be doing as we roll into 2020,

00:03:55.760 which is weird to say, but here it is nonetheless. Yeah. And that book, um, I don't know. I just,

00:04:03.180 I'm not sure what expectation I had, but that book is pretty solid. Yeah. It's making it on, uh,

00:04:10.040 towards the top of my book list. I'm really enjoying that. Yeah. I think I anticipated it to

00:04:16.520 be more of like a cliche kind of, you know, the same old regurgitated nonsense about habits and

00:04:22.460 hacks and all that stuff. And I read it last year when it came out and James and I weren't able to

00:04:28.180 schedule a podcast for, I don't know, scheduling reasons or something. We weren't able to schedule

00:04:31.360 it. And then I, uh, I actually listened to it this time again, as opposed to reading it and then had

00:04:37.320 a powerful, powerful conversation with James. So if you're not subscribed to the podcast, make sure

00:04:40.700 you are. Cause that one comes out next week on Tuesday, Tuesday. And the episode that came out

00:04:46.180 yesterday was awesome. Yeah. It was with Traver. Yeah. I was really good. Him and I had a pretty

00:04:52.840 good connection right off the bat. And, uh, yeah, he's, he's got some interesting things to share

00:04:58.340 and takes on masculinity and living a quote unquote uncivilized life. So check it out. Yeah. I liked

00:05:04.160 it. All right. Our first questions. Yeah. It's from moose within the IC. As you both know,

00:05:11.180 John Eldridge said that all men need to, uh, need a battle to fight, to adventure, to live

00:05:17.200 and a beauty to rescue. Jesus slaughtered that. Holy cow. Kip. Stop. Stop. This is one of my

00:05:23.660 favorite quotes. So let me say it deep in his heart. Every man longs for a battle to fight

00:05:31.360 and adventure to live and a beauty to rescue John Eldridge. There you go. At this point in your

00:05:37.560 journeys, what is fulfilling these needs for each of you? Uh, okay. So for me, battle to fight

00:05:44.340 you're, you're, you're part of it right now. This is my battle to reclaim and restore masculinity. I am,

00:05:49.380 I'm fully engaged in this thing. I'm committed to what we're doing here. I've planted my flag.

00:05:55.580 Uh, it is, it is everything. Well, not everything. It is very, very important to me. And I've poured my

00:06:02.880 heart and soul and blood, sweat, and tears into making this work. And, uh, and it is working and

00:06:07.740 it's growing and it's expanding because you guys are tuning in. That's my battle. Uh, the adventure

00:06:12.580 about, let's see the battle to fight adventure to live adventure right now for me. Uh, well,

00:06:16.540 I took this major, major adventure coming out here to Maine. So just being part of this,

00:06:21.460 the risk that we acquired and assumed when, when we, we embarked upon this journey

00:06:25.800 was definitely scary and as starting to pay off and has paid off from the beginning.

00:06:32.480 Uh, in addition to that, my jujitsu journey, cause to me that's adventurous, you know, that's living,

00:06:38.220 living wild, having, you know, some, some physical challenge and adversity and getting tougher.

00:06:44.080 So I'd say those two things, uh, beauty to rescue. I mean, it'd be easy to say my wife and certainly,

00:06:49.460 uh, let me, let me preface it by saying this. We're not talking about the damsel in distress here.

00:06:57.520 Okay. Some people interpret this as men going out and rescuing the women in the damsel in distress.

00:07:03.280 My wife is fully capable. You know, a lot of the things that she can, she can do on her own. 0.94

00:07:08.300 She's independent as it is, which I actually like about her. That's one of the things I really

00:07:12.040 enjoy and love about her. Uh, but at the same time, you know, I, I feel like she's,

00:07:16.880 she's a beauty worth, maybe not rescuing, if you will, a beauty worth pursuing. But I also,

00:07:23.300 I also add my family into that. So it's not just my wife, but it's my children,

00:07:28.120 it's my sons and daughter, uh, making sure that I'm teaching them and engaging them and being active

00:07:34.960 in their lives and being a major part of their learning and growth experience. And that also is

00:07:41.160 a lot of fulfillment and reward for me too. So that's my, uh, that's my answer to that question.

00:07:46.000 Yeah. It's a good question. Yeah. It's a really great question. Yeah. For me, I'd say the it's

00:07:51.460 same thing. The battle is actually what were you doing within our own council and, and, and me

00:07:56.360 contributing on the podcast. Like this is very much, I know it's your founded battle, but it's a battle

00:08:03.020 that I've completely enlisted in and willing to, to make it my fight as well. So that would be my

00:08:10.200 battle. I think adventure, um, for me right now it's work looking at the opportunities that I have

00:08:15.840 in the position that I have in the company and saying, Hey, how do we create the best company

00:08:21.380 ever, the best culture ever, the best team. And you know what I mean? And, and kind of going after

00:08:27.300 those aspects, those uncharted waters, at least for me, from that perspective, uh, some of my hobbies

00:08:33.380 obviously play that part. It's amazing how jujitsu comes off as an adventure because when someone's

00:08:39.000 trying to, uh, choke you or quasi quote unquote, kill you, it feels very adventurous.

00:08:46.220 Well, yeah, there's something to be said for an adventure in my mind. Sorry to interrupt,

00:08:51.520 but I got to say this. An adventure in my mind has to, has to have an element

00:08:55.240 because if it doesn't have risk, it's just not worth it. Uh, so I remember this, we got a airsoft

00:09:02.500 guns. This was years ago, uh, for our events that we run. Right. And my son and I were like,

00:09:09.140 let's go try them. So we put our masks on and we go out there and I'm like, all right,

00:09:13.080 go stand out there and I'll shoot you. And he's like, I'm not doing that. You go stand out there

00:09:17.200 and I'll shoot you. And so we're like, well, let's just shoot each other. And so we start shooting

00:09:22.200 each other and both of us come back. We're like, man, that hurts. And that's the point.

00:09:27.840 Yeah. Because if it didn't hurt, it wouldn't have been fun. Like there has to be an element

00:09:33.600 of risk. If there's no element of risk, you might as well just go to like Disneyland and enjoy the

00:09:38.960 rides. And we all know how miserable Disneyland is. Life is about acquiring, or I should say mitigating

00:09:46.120 risk, but managing it as well. And then taking on as much as you can towards a meaningful purpose,

00:09:52.420 a meaningful objective. And that's what that adventure is, right? It's, it's, it's something that

00:09:56.380 poses an element of risk, but it's adventurous enough. It fills, feeds, feeds the heart and soul,

00:10:00.640 if you will. Yeah. All right. Sorry. I interrupted you. No, no, you're fine. No. And, and beauty

00:10:05.040 actually, when I, when I read this, the first thing that came to my mind is, um, being the example

00:10:12.200 and the man that I hope my, my daughters choose to, um, not model, but choose to look for in a male

00:10:23.920 counterpart when they get older. Why did you say not model? I mean, isn't that well, not them model,

00:10:29.600 but then in, in a male counterpart when they get older. And so that really like is present for me

00:10:36.500 is who do I want my two daughters? What kind of boys do I want them attracted to? What kind of,

00:10:42.360 what, you know, and that's a lot of that's going to be based upon how I interact with them and how I

00:10:47.580 teach them and how I show up as an example. So, um, that's kind of the first thing that came to mind for

00:10:52.020 me. Right on. Good question, Moose. What next? All right. Michael Ferguson, what does a normal day

00:10:57.440 week slash week for you look like? How do you work in all you do into a single day work, family

00:11:05.020 service, hobbies, studies, and et cetera? Well, let me say this. We have all of these requirements

00:11:10.360 and obligations and commitments. I'm not saying that you should do every single one of those every

00:11:15.600 single day. Yeah. So for example, I do jujitsu two to three days a week. I don't do it

00:11:21.760 seven days a week. I do it two to three days a week. So the other four days I might be training

00:11:27.520 or exercising or lifting weights, or maybe I don't do anything, you know? So it's, it's not like you

00:11:31.500 have to do every single thing every single day because what will happen is you'll burn yourself

00:11:35.820 out. Uh, same thing with charitable causes or some sort of service work. It's like, you're probably

00:11:42.240 not going to do that every day, but are you going to go work at the, uh, you know, the, the food

00:11:46.700 shelter on, on, on Saturday morning? Yeah. Okay, cool. So an hour to two hours a week, right?

00:11:53.420 Uh, as far as me, what my, my typical day is I get up at five 30. Uh, I wake up, I drink water,

00:12:00.520 I stretch, I work out at six, I go from six to seven, uh, come home. One of the things that we've

00:12:06.840 done in the past is, and I'm going through this quick cause we've talked about it so much. So go back

00:12:10.620 and listen to some of these others that we've done. Uh, but I, uh, do a family meeting with my

00:12:15.920 family. We do scriptures and prayer, plan out our day, what's going on. And then, uh, usually I'm

00:12:22.120 into the office, which is upstairs, uh, about eight 30 or so. And I'm doing my planning for the day,

00:12:29.340 every day planning, which if you're watching the video on YouTube, I'm holding up my battle planner

00:12:33.640 right now. I mean, I use this every day, so I plan it out. And then based on the plan, I work it.

00:12:39.840 I just work it. And then I get done about five 30 every day. Uh, I train on Mondays and Wednesdays

00:12:47.960 train jujitsu jujitsu. That is on Mondays and Wednesdays. Um, but outside of that, eat dinner

00:12:53.060 as a family, play with the kids, do the thing. It doesn't seem that overwhelming to me, uh, but that

00:12:59.180 might just be because I have a system in place. So having the system in place, uh, establishing some

00:13:03.980 healthy boundaries, not letting you or anybody else cross over those boundaries, communicating

00:13:09.040 expectations with those will be impacted by your schedule. Uh, all seem to play a pretty big part

00:13:14.260 in maintaining a schedule that works for you and them too. Like it has to work for them. I'm so sick

00:13:19.740 of hearing all these guys talk about, I'm going to take care of me and zero F's and I don't care what

00:13:25.480 anybody else guys, we are meant to serve. So your schedule should suit you, but it should also lend

00:13:34.020 itself to the people that you're working to serve, i.e. your wife, your kids, your clients,

00:13:40.120 your friends, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. And part of making that work is setting an expectation.

00:13:45.500 Right. So they understand. Yeah. Well, and then, and then you, you, again, you got to remember it.

00:13:50.900 If you're going to set an expectation, that's like half the battle. It's not even half the battle.

00:13:55.660 That's maybe like 10% of the battle because that's the easy part. You have to uphold the expectation.

00:14:00.860 So if you put an expectation in place and you say, okay, hon, I'm going to be done at five

00:14:04.660 o'clock every day. And then you're done at six o'clock. Well, you're being a liar. You're out

00:14:09.640 of integrity. So of course she's going to question that and be upset by that. But if you tell her,

00:14:14.380 Hey hon, I'm going to be done at six o'clock every day and that's the expectation. So you're

00:14:17.460 going to work an hour later, but you actually uphold it. She's going to, she's going to see that

00:14:23.060 you're honoring that. This is something I ran into a friend years back. Uh, he would, I was kind of

00:14:30.220 giving him some coaching with regards to his business and he would over promise to his customers

00:14:37.500 and then he would under delivery. He'd fall short. And I don't know what was going on,

00:14:42.160 but he thought that for whatever reason, if he could just impress his customers, that they'd be

00:14:46.140 happy. It's like that. They're not impressed by your words. They're impressed by what you deliver.

00:14:49.720 So what I would suggest is you flip it on its head. So instead of over promising under promise,

00:14:55.760 Hey guys, you know what? Like I'm really busy. This is going to take me a week. And then you come

00:14:59.000 back and you deliver it in two days. Now you over delivered. So not only did you meet the

00:15:03.500 expectation and you exceeded the expectation. So your words have to match your actions. And if they

00:15:08.820 don't, they should, they should err in favor of you over delivering, not under delivering.

00:15:14.540 Yeah, totally. And, and I think the key to what you're saying, Ryan, is that requires intentionality.

00:15:21.680 It's so funny how often we may commit to something and say, and then our general thought

00:15:26.340 processes, well, I'll just do my best or, uh, you know, I'll try to get it done earlier or whatever,

00:15:30.660 but we don't actually pause and say intentionally, okay, for us to get that project done early,

00:15:36.680 what do we need to do for us to come under budget? What do we specifically need to do? We just think

00:15:42.000 that when the moment comes, we'll, we'll do extra hard work and you know, we'll pull it through.

00:15:47.320 It's like, no, you need to define that. You need to have, you need to be very intentional in regards

00:15:51.760 to how you're going to manage those expectations or over deliver on those expectations.

00:15:57.660 Speaking of, uh, James clear, how we were talking about with habits and processes and systems,

00:16:02.060 his quote, one of his quotes is we don't rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the level of

00:16:07.880 our processes and systems. It's the same concept as I think it was Archie Locus who said, we don't

00:16:13.180 rise to the level of our expectations. We fall to the level of our training.

00:16:16.560 So you're not going to miraculously show up and think that you're, you're going to perform at

00:16:21.340 your, your peak performance. If you haven't trained for that, if you haven't put systems in place for

00:16:25.420 that, you're, you're going to fall to the lowest possible level of training of preparation of

00:16:31.140 systems and processes. So you should be finding ways to continue to elevate. Okay. What is your

00:16:36.980 system? What is your process? Even with orders, uh, in the order of man's store, for example,

00:16:41.180 we document everything. We document when we're going to look at supplies and how much we need

00:16:47.800 to order and what are our minimum requirements for shirts and hats and flags and all the other

00:16:52.240 stuff we have. And when do we need to reorder those supplies? And what is the process for

00:16:56.340 reordering those? I say, we, it's my son and I, what we do that because we know that when we get in a

00:17:01.500 pinch, if we don't have those processes and systems in place, something falls through the cracks.

00:17:05.800 So we had this system in place for ordering, uh, labels, shipping labels for our orders.

00:17:11.880 And for whatever reason, my son overlooked this system that we had in place for it.

00:17:17.260 And we were doing orders, I don't know, a week, week and a half or so ago.

00:17:21.060 And he's like, dad, we're out of printing labels. I'm like, what do you mean?

00:17:23.960 He's like, we're completely out. I said, well, did you tell me that we needed to order them?

00:17:28.180 Like, I don't remember you telling me that he says, Oh no, I forgot. Okay. Well we deviated from

00:17:33.540 the system. And because we deviated from the system, we had to go in and order, but not only

00:17:37.460 did we had to order them, we had to rush order them or rush ship them. And it ended up costing

00:17:41.560 us, I think it was like $130 to get them to us within two days. And I showed him, I'm like,

00:17:46.360 here's the price. Had we not had to do this? Here's the price with us having to do it. And he

00:17:50.560 felt so bad about it. And I said, good, you should feel bad about it. So bad about it that you correct

00:17:54.820 the behavior and then you follow the systems and processes. This is why we have these things in place.

00:17:59.880 So when we get caught up in the moment or we get emotional or we get freaked out or stressed

00:18:05.320 out, or there's deadlines to meet, you're always going to fall back to the lowest common

00:18:09.900 denominator. And that is the system or process that you put in place. So continue to elevate

00:18:14.300 those things. Yeah, totally. And I feel like we have to say this because of the subject of

00:18:18.600 the month. And I think it's a good point because you mentioned earlier, Ryan, about, you know,

00:18:23.700 you're talking about your day and you're saying, well, it doesn't seem overly complex or

00:18:27.440 whatever. That's probably by design. And we see this time and time again, where, where guys get

00:18:33.580 fired up, they get motivated to join the iron council. And they're just like, I'm changing

00:18:39.020 everything, right? Like every day is just, I'm going to conquer. I'm going to do this and this and

00:18:43.980 this. And it's all from a great place. It's all with great intentions. The problem is, is a lot of

00:18:50.460 what we're trying to form in these processes are habits. So you don't have to burn brain cycles.

00:18:57.020 You don't have to be motivated to accomplish all these things. And, and a lot of, a lot of

00:19:02.260 accomplishment is a result of consistency, incremental on top of each other, accomplishing

00:19:07.960 things. And, and I would like to paint this kind of this picture of what's a, you're, you're all,

00:19:12.820 you're all about destroying your day, not destroying, like getting after your day and

00:19:16.220 crushing your day. And what happens, and we see this a lot with people is they try to fit too much

00:19:22.800 in, right? It's like, Oh, I got, I got 15 minutes. I'm going to work and accomplish this. And what

00:19:27.260 happens? They end up showing late to the next meeting. They end up doing this. Now at the end

00:19:31.380 of the day, they may feel like, Hey, I got a lot done today, but what was the impact? Well, I showed up

00:19:37.320 late. So I'm out of integrity in this scenario. I dropped the ball. Like it doesn't matter that you may

00:19:43.220 have gotten 10 things done. If five of them were late and you created a relationship or an

00:19:49.660 expectation with someone that you're unreliable was the 10 things worth it. Right. But we got to

00:19:55.320 be really mindful that like just crushing and getting things done isn't necessarily always just

00:20:00.760 impact. And, and that impact might be you giving yourself the margins to make sure that you can adjust

00:20:07.860 appropriately, be present because that's the other thing. When I think about crushing a day,

00:20:11.700 guess what? It doesn't look like me being open and present with my kids. That is the opposite of

00:20:17.840 crushing my day typically. Right. When my daughter wants to tell me this story and she's taking forever

00:20:22.900 to explain, I'm thinking, I don't have time for this story. Yeah. And what am I doing to that

00:20:28.520 relationship? Right. And so we got to be really mindful how we show up and the value of incremental

00:20:35.780 adjustments to a schedule and not trying to overkill it. Well, and what's funny is most of us,

00:20:42.800 if we watched, for example, I don't know, a mouse or a rat spinning on the little rat wheel in his

00:20:49.180 cage, like nobody would say, Oh, that rat got a lot of accomplished today. Although he ran a thousand

00:20:56.280 circles on that wheel. That's us. Yeah. Right. Like you're making all these, these calls,

00:21:02.060 you're checking social media, you're spending too much time on the toilet. You're dinking around

00:21:06.180 doing this. It's like, man, I was just really busy today. Busy doesn't mean a thing. It's actually

00:21:12.420 one of my pet peeves. When, when I go to somebody or meet bump into someone and I say, Hey, you know,

00:21:16.900 how's things going? Like, Oh, I'm busy, man. It's awesome. And everyone says that everyone

00:21:21.560 like, what's awesome that you're busy or that you're producing results. Like, I don't know what you

00:21:27.040 mean. And most people think that being busy is what's awesome. No, that's not awesome.

00:21:35.160 Being productive, connecting with your kids, engaging with your wife, helping a client that

00:21:42.940 is, or, or getting in shape. That's awesome. Yeah. Not being busy. Now, sometimes they're correlated.

00:21:50.780 Sometimes you're busy helping clients. Great. But busy for the sake of busy is not awesome.

00:21:57.040 It's the opposite. Awesome. And too busy only lasts for a while until you get burned out.

00:22:03.540 Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And then you crash and burn. All right. What's next?

00:22:07.540 Okay. Cody gold. I need to curb the spending. I feel like a poker player on tilt, just bleeding

00:22:15.120 money. Do you have any advice for creating a functional budget and stay within it?

00:22:20.060 I have some good advice on this. So Dave Ramsey has the cash system. Like a lot of the guys that are

00:22:26.160 listening have probably heard that. So he moved to envelopes. Envelope system. Sorry. I said cash

00:22:30.760 system, same, same thing. Yeah. It's envelopes. So he'll have envelopes for whatever your expenses

00:22:35.260 are. You just put that much cash in it and then you don't spend anything else. Just the cash is the

00:22:38.620 cash. I don't know that you need to be that proactive, but there's typically as a financial

00:22:45.600 advisor, what I saw over the course of eight or nine years is there's typically two places that

00:22:51.840 people spend the most money on that they don't realize that there's gaps or that they're

00:22:57.220 overspending. It's entertainment and it's dining, dining out specifically, maybe groceries

00:23:04.300 too. Cause when you're in a grocery store, you see all these extra things. You're like,

00:23:08.240 Oh, I can get this. I can get that. Right. There's all these distractions and these temptations

00:23:11.300 in front of you. So you just throw stuff, more stuff in your cart. So what I would do is I

00:23:15.880 would start to budget, do a weekly budget and not monthly, weekly, like monthly is not

00:23:21.080 long enough because there's a lot of expenses that happen throughout the week. So you do

00:23:23.780 a weekly budget and you manage it for four to six to eight weeks. And then you start looking

00:23:28.700 at where you're overspending and you're going to see very quickly it's entertainment, it's

00:23:33.540 dining and potentially groceries. Cause that's what it always is. Those are the things that you

00:23:37.880 should move to cash only. So I, and, and any temptation that you have, maybe it's going to

00:23:43.960 the convenience store and spending 10 bucks on snacks and drinks every time. Bring your

00:23:49.100 card with you, make it harder, go a different route. This comes into, uh, James's habits and

00:23:55.640 systems and processes. He talks about the four laws of habits and I'm going to butcher them

00:23:59.040 here, but make it obvious, make it easy, make it attractive. And there's one other that's

00:24:06.800 skipping my mind right now. Uh, convenient. Did I say convenient? No, I don't think you did.

00:24:12.160 Yeah. So convenience I think is the other one or that's easy. I don't know. Anyways,

00:24:16.260 you guys get it. Make it easy, obvious, attractive. And then there's a fourth one.

00:24:19.540 You guys can look it up or listen to the podcast. Uh, so what, so in order to get rid of a bad

00:24:25.340 habit, you need to do the inverse of those. So to make it easy, you need to make it difficult.

00:24:29.880 Well, how do you make it difficult? You make it hard to accomplish. So if you're, if, if,

00:24:34.400 if the habit is spending extra money when you, when you go to the convenience store,

00:24:38.580 just don't bring your card with you, then it's like hard and you're just not going to do it.

00:24:43.140 Right. So you look at the inverses of the four laws of habits and then you apply that to eliminating

00:24:48.760 bad habits. But I would say moving to a cash only system is very, very valuable, uh, for those over

00:24:54.760 expenses. I also think that just doing a weekly budget as opposed to a monthly, it's going to curb

00:25:01.160 a lot of that as well, because you're just, you're looking at it. It's, it's visible. It's obvious.

00:25:05.360 It's in front of your face. Yeah. Right. And the more that you have something on the top of your

00:25:09.900 mind, the better you're going to be at it. Uh, so, and, and it's been said that what gets measured

00:25:15.440 gets improved. So measure it, measure it more frequently. And the more you measure it,

00:25:19.780 the more likely it is that you're going to work towards that thing. Cool. All right, Bobby

00:25:25.440 alphabet. When do you call it quits on being the nice guy towards the other parent that you're

00:25:32.580 co-parenting with the mother of my child behavior, uh, the, my, the mother of my child's child's

00:25:39.940 behavior towards me has continued to be rude, condescending, and disrespectful. I continue to

00:25:45.760 return her actions with kind, loving, tolerant behavior on my part to be the example to my son

00:25:51.200 on how to treat women and his mother, any tactics on dealing with her behavior or establishing

00:25:56.980 boundaries. So it does not negatively affect me as much as it does sometimes.

00:26:03.500 Well, you have a, you have an expectation and the expectation is that she should treat you a certain

00:26:09.620 way. Now, maybe that's true, but so what? It's not reality. So I would say that the first thing you

00:26:17.660 need to do is get rid of your expectation that she's going to be quote unquote nice to you just 0.74

00:26:21.400 because you're nice to her. Why not just be nice? Because that's the right thing to do. Now there's

00:26:27.060 a difference between what we have dubbed the nice guy and then just being an assertive man. And you

00:26:34.440 can be respectful and courteous and polite and also assertive. The nice guy, when I hear that,

00:26:41.700 what I think of is the guy that's overly nice at his own expense. He's getting railroaded. Maybe he's

00:26:48.260 getting henpecked. He's not getting his way. He's losing some of the power that ultimately he should

00:26:53.180 have and strive to, to maintain. That's what I hear when I hear the nice guy, but I think it's

00:26:59.800 perfectly acceptable and probably encouraged to be respectful, courteous, kind, assertive towards

00:27:08.000 your rights as a father without having the expectation that she needs to do those things in return.

00:27:13.420 And right now, because you have an expectation that she should behave a certain way simply

00:27:19.220 because you are, that's creating a lot of frustration and animosity. Look, she, I agree.

00:27:27.160 Like she should be the same thing, but you're not going to control her and your expectation that she

00:27:32.320 does it is what's causing the problem here. Totally. John Gary Bishop, he illustrates in his book too,

00:27:39.000 that when you have expectation and you hold on to the meaning that you're putting around it, like

00:27:43.520 she's wrong or it shouldn't be this way or whatever, then you stop dealing in reality and you just run

00:27:49.080 around just pissed off because your expectations aren't being met. Well, guess what? She's not going

00:27:54.080 to be nice. In fact, you're probably better off just assuming that she's not going to. So now what

00:27:58.660 are you going to do about it? Right. And she probably maintained the course. Yeah, totally. And I think

00:28:03.380 Bobby's right on top of it here of like, Hey, I need to be an example of my son and out of how to treat

00:28:08.640 women and his mother and how to deal with difficult situations when people might be condescending and

00:28:14.260 somewhat rude to you. It's perfect. What a great opportunity you have to teach him on how to deal

00:28:19.280 with this stuff. So, so I, I love it. The tactic I would throw at you, Bobby is empathy. It's really,

00:28:28.300 really powerful when you can actually sit back and have some empathy. And I know sounds crazy because

00:28:35.180 we're talking about how she's wrong and she shouldn't be doing these things. What's even

00:28:38.840 more powerful is understand why she's rude to actually understand that there's other stories 0.84

00:28:46.240 going on, that she's coming to the table with a whole spew of maybe past history with you. And

00:28:52.220 she's hard, I've had a hard time dealing with it or the way she was raised or whatever. And by having

00:28:56.780 some empathy, we have a tendency to be able to be a little bit more understanding and get that.

00:29:01.900 Probably her behavior towards you has a little bit to maybe do with you and a whole lot to do with

00:29:08.360 a whole bunch of other stuff. And now you can actually come to the table and not be bothered.

00:29:14.060 Here's the reality too. If you don't mind me suggesting this, um, why I didn't hear Bobby say

00:29:18.820 is okay. So I'm just joking. I don't know why I asked if it was okay with me or him. I don't know.

00:29:22.880 I was asking Bobby, but you know, I think he'll be okay with it. Okay. Um, the, the other idea here,

00:29:29.260 Bobby too, is the only reason why her behavior is bothering you is because you're taking it

00:29:37.300 personal and you're making that choice. Yep. So, and that's what empathy does is we allow to get,

00:29:44.600 say, okay, guess what? She's being upset because of this. She may have a hard day. She has this past,

00:29:48.780 whatever. And actually coming to the realization that has less to do with you than it really does

00:29:52.980 allows you to eliminate some of that meaning that you're putting on it. That makes it bothersome.

00:29:58.280 It's amazing. You don't know. You don't know. It's true. That's the problem is we, we spend so

00:30:04.540 much time assuming that we believe what we know what the other person is thinking. Like Bobby might

00:30:11.640 be thinking, Oh, she's acting like this because she hates me. Well, she shouldn't hate me because of

00:30:15.760 this or, well, maybe she's just miserable. Yeah. Or maybe she does hate you. We don't know.

00:30:24.060 We have no idea. So because we don't know, then we get to make up our own story. And right now you're

00:30:30.640 making up a story that isn't serving you or your child, frankly. What if instead you made up the story

00:30:37.760 that says, you know what? Yeah, I don't know. So I'm just going to assume that she's just a miserable 1.00

00:30:43.280 person, that it isn't personal, that she's just a miserable person, that she doesn't enjoy life or

00:30:48.220 her situation, or maybe she has some regrets or animosity towards whatever. And that's unfortunate.

00:30:54.840 I'm going to do my best to, to be the kind of man that I want to be and help my child. And that's the

00:31:00.860 story that you craft because they're both stories. Yeah. Both founded on assumptions. Just choose one.

00:31:06.420 And they're founded on assumptions that you don't know. Yeah. And you're never going to know,

00:31:11.100 probably. Even if she tells you, because people lie. Yeah. Well, not only lie, but they don't even

00:31:17.580 understand their own problems. Half the time it's like, well, I piss off because of blah, blah, blah.

00:31:21.440 It's like, actually, that's not true. They don't even know. Yeah. Nobody knows. So just make up a

00:31:27.460 story that serves you. Yeah. It's as easy as that. Just make up a story. Because right now you're making

00:31:33.260 up a story, make up a better story. Yeah. And it takes time. Yeah. No, I'm not saying you need this

00:31:41.340 because when you, when somebody, when it feels like somebody's attacking you and it feels personal,

00:31:48.680 then yes, that's difficult to overcome. I'm not saying just flip a switch,

00:31:53.600 but start telling yourself a different story and you'll experience different results.

00:31:58.980 Yeah. Yeah, totally. It's next. All right. Michael Ferguson,

00:32:03.800 what is an unusual habit or an absurd thing that you love? And number two, in the past five years,

00:32:12.440 what new belief, behavior, or habit has most improved your life?

00:32:17.140 So because I read through some of these questions, I thought about it because normally I'd be like,

00:32:21.700 I don't know what happened. Yeah. One of the things that I really enjoy doing, a lot of people

00:32:26.140 wouldn't know this or guess this, is I really like doing puzzles. So at night, my wife and I will

00:32:34.300 just sit down and put on some music. And we've got this little four foot square table in, in the,

00:32:43.420 in the library. And we just do puzzles for a couple hours. Sometimes we'll watch a movie. Sometimes we'll

00:32:49.800 just listen to music. Sometimes we won't at all. We'll just talk and we just do puzzles. So that's kind

00:32:55.580 of still wouldn't know. The other, maybe not absurd, but again, you wouldn't guess is those little,

00:33:02.860 yeah. Unusual is those little Christmas villages, like the little like, uh, plaster ones. I think

00:33:09.960 they are something, the white ones. I really like, again, this is mostly during the holidays is we'll

00:33:15.520 sit and we'll paint those and create and like add to our village. That's another thing that I enjoy

00:33:20.680 doing. It's fine, man. It's just a great way to connect with her and zone out and veg out and not

00:33:28.960 have to think real hard and just enjoy being present with my wife. I enjoy that. Yeah. All right. And

00:33:34.480 then in the last five years, new, new belief habit or behavior. Oh yeah. This one was hard because

00:33:40.800 there's, there's just so many, like there's just so many. This is a long time. Yeah. And I don't even

00:33:47.340 know sometimes what I've adopted. I would say jujitsu is a behavior or an activity that has really

00:33:55.020 changed me for the better. And I've been, so I started jujitsu. It was around July or August of

00:34:06.540 last year before immersion camp. And then when I got back from immersion camp, I just stopped. I didn't do

00:34:14.560 anything. So I did it for like a couple of months and then I didn't do anything. And then I picked

00:34:18.200 back up again when I moved out here. So that would have been July. And I've been pretty consistent over

00:34:25.560 the past six months, like very consistent. And, uh, that's definitely, in fact, I'm going to do a

00:34:31.240 Friday field notes on some of the things that I've learned in my first, you know, six months or year

00:34:36.740 of jujitsu. So I'll talk about that in the future. Love it, man. My ribs finally good. I'm actually

00:34:42.680 going to go train this afternoon for the first time for, I think it's been six weeks maybe. So

00:34:49.400 I'm like, uh, yeah, losing my mind. You are, man. You're, you're, you've lost your mind.

00:34:56.500 I'm going to show up. I'm going to show up and they're going to hand me another belt. They're

00:35:00.640 like, this is now your new belt. Uh, uh, yeah, I was going to say like a, uh, cause what you're a

00:35:07.880 brown belt now, right? Yeah. So they're going to give you a purple belt. Here's your belt. Here's

00:35:12.240 your new belt. Pastel purple one. Have you seen that master Ken video where the guy's like, oh,

00:35:19.180 I can't, I can't spar. He's like, oh, why not? And he's like, oh, I'm, I'm hurt. And he's like,

00:35:23.720 oh, that's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. And he like goes in the back room and comes back

00:35:29.040 out with a pink belt. And he's like, put this on. And then he puts him into the corner where he can

00:35:34.240 watch. That's funny. Did you see that post that I made on Instagram the other day? I think it was

00:35:39.640 yesterday or a couple of days ago about what my said, my son said to me. Yeah. About the deadlifts

00:35:45.880 deadlifts. So he's like, so, um, so he's like, dad, when are we going to deadlift? Which is a great

00:35:51.280 question in and of itself. Yeah. And I said, um, I said, I don't know, man, like my back's been hurting

00:35:56.860 me lately. He's like, oh, my back's been hurting me lately. And I was like, well said. And we went

00:36:05.500 deadlifted a little mockery and prodding, uh, goes a long way between men, even between father and son.

00:36:15.180 Yeah, it does. And how easy would it been for most dads to say, Hey, well, I'm old. And when you're my

00:36:22.320 age, you know, versus like, you know what? You're right. Let's go. Let's go. Right. Yeah. I'm not

00:36:28.220 injured. My back is just sore. So it's not like something I shouldn't do. It's something that I

00:36:32.680 was using as an excuse not to do. Yeah. Yeah. Lighten the load or do something else. Right. So

00:36:38.160 yeah, totally. Sorry. Go for it. What's your, what's your habit, hobby, activity? I don't know if I

00:36:44.380 have an unusual hot habit or absurd thing that I love. How's this? We, uh, we had like a little

00:36:51.040 Nerf war in the office here at the, here at the company I work for. And, uh, it's, it's getting 0.63

00:36:57.280 out of hand. So guys, guys are like printing 3d parts for their guns so they can hold 200 rounds

00:37:03.860 instead. Guys. Yeah. Guys have started researching how to make them more painful. Like we try to freeze

00:37:09.640 them in the freezer injecting bullets. Yeah. Yeah. The circle ones. Yeah. So it's, it's, uh, the game is

00:37:17.960 being escalated and it's kind of fun. So I don't know. Maybe that's when I was, uh, no, that's good.

00:37:23.120 That's cool. When I was in, um, right out of high school, I moved to, uh, about an hour South in

00:37:28.520 Southern Utah. And, uh, we had our own place, me and a couple of buddies and we would do air soft

00:37:33.640 wars in our house and we would like tip over the couches and like, it got, it got real, man. It was

00:37:40.900 crazy. And we had this big standup arcade machine. And I remember one time my buddy was hiding

00:37:47.580 behind it and I was sneaking in from the kitchen and I low crawled to the arcade machine on the

00:37:52.120 front of it. And he was kind of off to the side and he didn't know I was there. And he put his hand

00:37:57.080 around the arcade machine to like prop himself up. And when he put his hand at there, I just stuck my

00:38:02.220 gun. It's a little airsoft pistol, right at his knuckle and point blank, just blasted his knuckle.

00:38:08.560 Oh man. Break the skin. He cried about that for months. So awesome. Yeah. We even had some

00:38:16.000 friendly fire. One of the guys on my team shot me in the face from like, cause we're both like

00:38:20.900 over a corner catches me in the face. I'm like, man, good thing that we're not playing with real

00:38:25.340 guns here. This would not be well. So, but new behavior. I don't, man, uh, how's this? I'll give

00:38:30.960 a recent one. So I used to just work out in the mornings when it made sense. I wasn't like consistent

00:38:37.480 on time. And, um, because of my son's schedule for us to be able to work out in the mornings,

00:38:43.500 we have to be really specific on when we work out and that consistency, that exact consistency of we

00:38:49.780 work out every day at this time has been really beneficial so much that now I'm waking up better

00:38:56.440 because before I just kind of like, Oh, I, I have kids or I'm do this at the office. So I'm going to

00:39:01.860 wake up later. Like I was not consistent on my wake up time and my workout. And that has proven to be

00:39:07.020 really beneficial. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. There's a lot to be said for doing something consistently

00:39:12.800 and not making excuses and not doing it when it's only convenient to do. It's powerful when you're

00:39:18.760 make those commitments. I mean, that's what it is. It's just a commitment. It's a level of commitment

00:39:23.300 and, uh, it shapes a lot of the way we engage with the rest of life. Yeah. All right. Roger Taylor,

00:39:29.640 the Spartan race seems like a natural sponsor for the order of man. Have you talked with them about

00:39:34.980 this opportunity? Uh, no, I haven't talked with them. You know, it'd be cool. I've thought about

00:39:42.500 this. We have a Spartan. I don't know if you could commit and get a good enough numbers. You guys rally

00:39:50.200 behind this to see if we can make this happen, but how cool would it be to have a Spartan race

00:39:56.080 that is strictly order of man slash iron council? It'd be pretty, that'd be pretty awesome. That

00:40:05.920 would be cool. Why does it have to be a Spartan race? We can just do our own. That's true. All

00:40:10.480 right. Um, so yeah, no, I like that idea. A huge amount of number of guys. Yeah. Yeah. Like

00:40:16.220 thousands, like 40,000 of us. Yeah. Um, I haven't reached out. So my only sponsors

00:40:23.320 currently are, uh, origin of course, and sorex, you guys have heard me talk about both of them.

00:40:33.500 Uh, Hoyt bows has sponsored some of our events in the past. I did a little bit of with five,

00:40:39.400 11 years ago. I just, I don't want to hawk stuff. That's the biggest thing. Like I'm not,

00:40:44.320 I'm just not interested in like picking up sponsors for the sake of sponsors. Like I want people that

00:40:49.660 I'm connected with, I want companies that I believe in. I want products that I use origin.

00:40:54.800 Those guys are like, those guys are like family to me, like Brian and Pete. Like those are,

00:40:59.120 those are great friends of mine. It's not just a sponsorship. Those guys are friends. Bert,

00:41:04.560 him and I are hunting buddies. You know, we, we hang out, we hunt together. That's not just a

00:41:08.960 sponsorship. That's a, he's a friend. Uh, so I'm more interested in those connections. And if I can

00:41:15.380 support a company that I believe in that I, that I use their products and services, then that's who

00:41:21.060 I'm going to share with you guys. And Spartan's great. You know, I've, I've got, uh, one of their

00:41:26.760 trifectas. I did the Spartan of gogi. So, I mean, it could be something solid. Uh, but I just don't,

00:41:32.040 it's just not part of the model is like, look for a bunch of sponsors. Yeah. Copy. Michael Dotson,

00:41:38.920 how do you get the wind back in your cells when your marriage is ending? I currently have good

00:41:44.740 days and bad days. I have myself and my two boys to take care of just trying to finish a way to put

00:41:50.580 my needs back in the front of my life and be the best father I can be at the same time as we transition

00:41:57.400 through this chapter of our lives. You know, it's hard when you've identified as, as, as being something

00:42:04.580 for so long, like a husband, for example, and now that part of your identity to the degree that you

00:42:10.700 made it part of your identity is now stripped away from you for whatever reason, we don't have to get

00:42:14.360 into that, but that's no longer part of your identity. And so you lose yourself. You lose a

00:42:20.440 part of yourself. Like you've literally and figuratively lost a part of yourself and your life because of

00:42:27.000 the divorce that you're going through right now. So it's, it's natural to feel lost. It's natural to

00:42:33.440 feel down about it and be upset and have a little bit of a loss of your way. But here's the cool

00:42:38.680 thing. You get to remake yourself. And, and I've said this before, it's time for you to make yourself

00:42:46.140 the project. Isn't that a cool thing? I believe that most men, the overwhelming majority of men out 0.83

00:42:53.140 there, they want to build, they want to create. That's what we do. We create, we take raw materials

00:43:00.020 and we create, we take rocks and we build walls. We take trees and we chop them down and we,

00:43:06.840 and we shape them into timber and lumber to build houses and buildings and structures.

00:43:13.440 Uh, we take, we, we, we mine minerals from the ground and we melt them down and then we mold them

00:43:20.200 and shape them into, uh, parts that go into vehicles or weapons to defend ourselves and other people.

00:43:27.900 Like this is what we do. We build and we create out of raw materials. You are the raw material. Now

00:43:34.640 you need to make yourself the project. You need to take this raw lump of cells. That is you and

00:43:43.480 refine it, define it, hone it, craft it, tweak it, massage it, do whatever you can. Machine it

00:43:52.540 to create an entirely new version of yourself or to, or to replace the version of you that has been

00:44:00.660 lost, which is husband. Okay. I'm not a husband. I'm a divorced father of two or three or whatever the

00:44:07.720 situation is. Okay, cool. Now, how do you make the best version of yourself? How do you lose weight?

00:44:15.240 How do you get strong? How do you reframe the experiences that you've had? What new information

00:44:21.760 do you need to expose yourself to? What new relationships do you need to build your business,

00:44:26.160 to be a more engaged father than you ever have been in the past? How do you grow your bank account?

00:44:31.960 What experiences do you need in life? Do you start documenting all this stuff and writing this down?

00:44:36.740 How could you not be excited about that? Yeah, I'm excited. You should be. We should all be excited

00:44:43.500 about that. Every day that you wake up, you have an opportunity to create, to fill your objective and

00:44:53.960 your purpose on this planet, which is to take again, raw material. This guy's talking about wind in his

00:44:59.060 sales. Dude, we take cotton off of plants in the field or wool off the back of an animal and we clean it

00:45:10.380 and we, and we weave it and we cut it and we put it into fabric to, to make sales or to make clothes so we

00:45:19.340 don't die. This is what men do. Do that with yourself. Think about how cool that is. I, I feel

00:45:28.060 so bad for guys who wake up and I, the reason I feel bad is because I know what it feels like

00:45:32.040 who wake up and they're miserable and they're contentious and they have regret and remorse and

00:45:40.200 sorrow and misery in their life because they aren't focused on their powerful abilities as men to

00:45:45.980 create, to create life, to create opportunities, to create tools, to create whatever it is that they

00:45:52.420 want to create in their life. And you have an opportunity to do that. That's a 30,000 foot view

00:45:56.760 tactically do the battle plan. You're in the iron council, man. So pick four things, focus on your

00:46:02.780 vision. Step number one, what kind of man do I want to be? How do I want to show up as a father?

00:46:07.700 How do I want to show up as a businessman or an entrepreneur? Uh, what kind of shape do I want to

00:46:12.920 be? And when I look in the mirror and I'm naked, like, what do I want to see at the man looking back

00:46:17.300 at me? Right. Cast your vision. Next four objectives, not 10, not eight, not 30, four,

00:46:25.240 four simple objectives, 90 days that you're going to do to create somebody new.

00:46:33.580 Now tactics. All right. I need to lose 20 pounds. I'm excited about this. What am I going to

00:46:37.680 do? All exercise, not good enough. What type of exercise, what type of diet, when, where, how,

00:46:44.100 what's the program you're going to use? How are you going to stay on track? Who's going to hold

00:46:46.940 you accountable? How are you going to systematize and put this into a process? How could you not be

00:46:53.340 excited about that? Just decide what it's going to be, work the battle plan, create like you're meant

00:46:59.680 to. I think you start to put yourself on the right path. Yeah. The only thing I'd add is you have

00:47:05.680 an option and we, and we all have this option to allow a difficult situation to break us or make us

00:47:14.040 better. And so my suggestion to Michael is, do you want to regret this marriage and this divorce,

00:47:22.420 or do you want to become the type of man that grows so much from this that you say, Holy cow,

00:47:29.640 that difficult time in my life was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me

00:47:34.740 because of the man I am today. And you do it through the tactics.

00:47:40.660 I wholeheartedly agree with that, Kip. I wholeheartedly agree. It's really hard to do

00:47:45.800 because you feel you're in this moment of misery right now. So you don't feel like you can overcome

00:47:52.780 where you're at. Here's what I would suggest. Look at other miserable times in your life when you

00:48:00.100 thought the world was going to end and everything was catastrophic and you were, you know, up a creek

00:48:05.980 and it was just, it was just a bad situation. And then ask yourself, did I overcome that? Of course

00:48:12.820 you did. Cause you're still here. Have faith that you can do that again. And you will use this as a

00:48:20.400 leap or to create yourself. Yeah. Yeah. And take advantage of this opportunity to grow

00:48:25.300 from the failed marriage too, while you're at it. Right. Right. It is, it is a good opportunity.

00:48:31.620 It's not a fortunate situation. It's just an opportunity to make something more of yourself.

00:48:36.860 Yeah. Experience. And then Michael ping me in the iron council. I have a quote for you.

00:48:43.020 Okay. All right. Phil Derner. Oh, wait, I'm going to say that again. I, maybe I misunderstood what you

00:48:49.500 telling Michael to ping me in the foundry in the IC and I have a quote for him. Yeah. I have a quote

00:48:55.380 for him. So hit, hit Kip up. Okay. Got it. Yeah. I, um, I, I, I was just talking about this very

00:49:01.340 subject, um, this very subject on Sunday about growing and having happiness and, and moments of

00:49:10.060 darkness. And, and so this is kind of really present on my mind and I have something for Michael. So,

00:49:15.140 or Michael, I'll look you up and I'll send it to you. Okay, cool. All right. Phil,

00:49:19.500 Derner, what have your Q4 objectives and tactics been? How has it been going as we near the end of

00:49:26.640 the quarter? Yeah. So again, I knew what questions were. I pulled mine up here real quick. My,

00:49:33.240 did he ask for objectives or tactics? Objectives and tactics. I think the main thing is just kind

00:49:38.980 of how things are looking towards the end of the quarter. Yeah, it's, it's good. Um, I,

00:49:44.200 I'm like, I would say 75% on track to hit these right now. Uh, the one I'm falling short on is my

00:49:51.380 calibration objective, which is to complete the rough draft of my new book. Now, if guys know what

00:49:57.060 calibration is, it's, they'll, they might ask, well, why is doing the rough draft of your book,

00:50:03.100 a calibration objective? So calibration is getting right with yourself mentally, emotionally,

00:50:07.760 spiritually. The reason that I have completing the rough draft of my book and calibration is

00:50:12.460 because writing helps bring clarity to my thought process and helps me flesh out some of the ideas

00:50:18.680 that are continually bouncing around in my brain. So I'm, I'm struggling on that one, frankly. Um,

00:50:24.580 the connection objective is transitioning the store fully over to my son, which we're like 90% there.

00:50:31.640 So we're on track there. Uh, condition objective is my body fat percentage, which I've struggled with

00:50:38.260 in the past, but I'm trending very, very well right now. And then my contribution objective is

00:50:44.660 we had some outstanding debt as we moved here, uh, and incurred some debt that way is to pay off

00:50:49.520 every single ounce of that debt or penny of that debt, if you will. And, uh, we should have that paid

00:50:55.260 off here in the next week. So doing well, you know, we just, just got to get on, on track with that

00:51:01.200 calibration objective. Yeah. Love it. Love it. All right. Matthew Watts, how do you balance enjoying

00:51:08.860 the holidays with your fitness and health goals? I have a perfect response to this. I don't like

00:51:14.460 that question because what, why are they, they're not at odds with each other, like balanced to me.

00:51:21.220 So I was, my, my, uh, wife picked up a book. It was a Smithsonian book the other day for the kids

00:51:27.360 and in it, they had some, uh, Egyptian history in there. I'm going to tie this all together. I

00:51:32.740 promise. So the way that, and I'll butcher this, somebody who knows more about this will be sure

00:51:39.140 to correct me. I have no doubt. Um, but when the Egyptians died among other things, their process

00:51:46.460 into the afterlife was that their heart, literally their heart was put on a scale and weighed against

00:51:54.420 a feather. And if the heart was lighter than a feather, they were admitted entry because they

00:52:00.380 had a clean and pure heart. If the heart was heavier than the feather, they were not admitted

00:52:05.140 entry. And it was some brutal, eternal damnation or something, uh, because they had a heavy heart,

00:52:11.700 which means that they weren't a good human being. Right. So, so they, they weighed it. Right. And so

00:52:17.340 when you're talking about balance, you think about the scale, right? So it's like up and down.

00:52:22.560 And so like, if you're watching this video, you can see, and you're trying to get this like

00:52:26.000 harmonious balance. Well, what that means is that means there's something on this side,

00:52:30.640 health, fitness, and then there's something on this side, holidays and enjoying the family time

00:52:37.180 and holidays and food and all that stuff. And so what you're saying in the question is that they're

00:52:42.280 at odds with each other. Like I can't enjoy the holidays and be fit. Well, that's a faulty premise.

00:52:48.200 Yeah. And that's the problem. The reason you're having a hard time with rectifying this,

00:52:56.560 this question of yours is the question itself. You believe they're at odds with each other.

00:53:03.400 They're not, they're not at odds with each other. In fact, they're harmonious. Like when you're healthy,

00:53:08.520 you're going to enjoy the holidays more. When you're fit, you're going to have more energy to

00:53:14.560 go play in the snow and go cut down a Christmas tree and go play with your kids and enjoy interesting

00:53:20.720 discussion with your, your family. And on the topic of discussion, when you're reading and you're

00:53:26.320 on this personal self-development journey, you're going to be more interesting and have more to talk

00:53:31.020 about and be able to share different experiences and stories. They're not at odds with each other.

00:53:35.600 They should correspond. And if they, if you feel like they're at odds with each other,

00:53:40.460 then you're worried about striking the balance. But if you start looking at it and saying,

00:53:44.740 no, they're harmonious. Look, is there something wrong with having a piece of pie? No,

00:53:49.400 have a piece of pie. Just don't have the whole damn pie, but you can have a piece of pie and then

00:53:55.960 do all your other things. But why would the holidays keep you from, from, uh, getting up early

00:54:01.560 and going to the gym or keep you from training? The holidays are literally two days, Christmas and

00:54:07.580 New Year's. So what are you going to do during the other 29 days of the month?

00:54:13.420 Yeah. All they are is really good excuses that we've used in the past.

00:54:18.300 They're not even good excuses.

00:54:19.880 Well, yeah, but we use them nonetheless. Right.

00:54:22.060 For sure.

00:54:22.860 And I would, I would question, um, Matthew, what I would ask you. And I've asked, uh, the same

00:54:29.260 question of guys in the iron council in the past of, so let's say I'm holding Ryan accountable

00:54:34.580 and Ryan's like, you know, we have a phone call and he goes, yeah, I didn't get my workouts in

00:54:40.500 this week. I'm like, oh man, why not? I mean, oh, well I've been traveling a lot and the, or it's

00:54:46.640 the holidays. It was Christmas or whatever. And then my question to Ryan would be, if you would

00:54:52.000 have went for your run anyway, if you would have done your workout anyway, would that day have gone

00:54:59.260 better? And the answer always is yes. It's always yes. And it doesn't matter what it is. It could be

00:55:06.660 traveling. It could be the holiday. It could be, I had a stressful day at work. Guess what? You do

00:55:12.520 what you said that's within your battle plan and, and you on your commitment, guess what? It's going

00:55:18.400 to feel better. So don't buy the excuses. You're better off doing what you said you would do always.

00:55:24.140 And, and here's the, and here's the other kicker. I love this. If I'm totally riffing on this concept

00:55:29.440 because I've loved this concept from years ago, I, I came to this realization is let's say that I

00:55:37.200 legitimately have a crazy day and I didn't get my workout in, but I said I would. And so I stay up

00:55:45.040 and I ended up having a late night workout and it makes my day even harder. What did I learn?

00:55:50.440 What's available to learn is not packing my day full, learning to say no to people,

00:55:57.020 not over committing. We don't learn from over committing to people unless we do everything

00:56:02.220 that we've committed to. And we realize I over committed. It's when I over commit to people.

00:56:07.200 And then I make up all these excuses of why I'm not going to do them. And I don't do them. And I

00:56:11.580 don't honor my word. Guess what? I don't learn because I didn't go through this suffering that I

00:56:16.240 created for myself. I, it's like a shortcut. We think it's a shortcut. Oh, I can

00:56:20.340 learn from that without doing the suffering. No suffer. And then you'll adjust your tactics

00:56:24.720 accordingly and you'll do the things necessary to learn. So always do what you said you're going

00:56:29.380 to do, regardless. That idea of, uh, of suffering goes against society's idea that you should just

00:56:36.940 feel good about who you are and what you look like and how you show up. No, you shouldn't dude.

00:56:44.420 If you're 40 pounds overweight, you shouldn't feel good about that. Yeah. You should feel like

00:56:49.940 a piece of crap. You should feel, you should feel 40 pounds overweight. Yeah. You should have a hard

00:56:54.720 time sleeping. You should feel sluggish. You should, you should feel like a blob because that's what you

00:57:02.760 are. And then the feeling, here's how this works, guys. The, and we talk about this at length about

00:57:09.560 emotions, the feeling leads to action. So don't feel good about yourself when you shouldn't.

00:57:18.500 I'm not saying you should use that as an excuse to fall into perpetual depression or,

00:57:22.840 or anxiety or whatever. I'm just saying you use it as a metric for feedback for growth and

00:57:29.100 improvement. I'm so tired of the, of the lie that we should just accept who we are and,

00:57:35.960 and be comfortable in our bodies and, and be okay with where we know, no, we shouldn't feel that way.

00:57:44.160 I mean, if you look, maybe I won't say shouldn't, if you want to feel happy about being 50 pounds

00:57:49.800 overweight, fine. But you resign the right to bitch and moan about how you feel physically. If you're 50

00:57:56.540 pounds overweight and you're not willing to do anything about it. Yeah. Because that's what people

00:58:00.460 will do is they say, I'm supposed to feel happy with who I am. And so I just feel, I'll just feel

00:58:04.840 happy. And then they complain about it the whole time. Well, pick one. Either you're going to be happy

00:58:09.220 or you're going to complain. Which one? I don't know how I got off on that tangent, but I, anyways,

00:58:15.700 the point is, is the story that you're saying is that they're at odds with each other and they're not

00:58:22.820 at odds with each other. And that's the story you need to be telling yourself. And you know what,

00:58:26.780 if you're on vacation and traveling, yes, it's going to be harder to work out. Yes. It's going

00:58:31.960 to be harder to eat better because you're on the road. You're going to be surrounded by junk food,

00:58:36.580 but it doesn't mean it's impossible. It just means it takes a little bit more intention and thought

00:58:41.160 behind it. So if you're at McDonald's, cause that's where your family wants to eat and it's quick

00:58:45.140 and you're on the road. Okay. Well, order a McDonald's has salads, order a salad.

00:58:50.740 Yeah. Right. Or start fasting or a piece of, or don't eat at all. Exactly. Or have a piece of

00:58:57.160 chicken breast or whatever. You can make it work if it's important to you. And, and it can be

00:59:02.440 exciting. It's sometimes exciting to be unreasonable. Like we've talked about this Ryan of like, you know,

00:59:08.600 and not, well, maybe I shouldn't bring it up, but you know, how fun would it be for, for guys

00:59:13.140 doing iron councils? Like, all right, first calls at 3am. Yeah. What are you going to do about it?

00:59:17.900 You're going to puss out. You're already going to show up. You know what I mean? Like, seriously,

00:59:22.380 be unreasonable. I, in my past, I I've done a couple, I've done a few marathons. And as you know,

00:59:28.060 once you're on a marathon schedule, there is no like, Oh, I'll make up this weekend's run

00:59:32.720 some other time. Right. Like, and, and if you do, you can get injured. Like you can't just go like,

00:59:38.720 I run a and then, yeah. And I'm going to go now 16 next Saturday. It's like,

00:59:43.040 you're going to, you're asking for trouble. And so, because of that, I was completely unreasonable

00:59:48.200 during that time. I'm at Disneyland. How am I going to get in a 16 mile run when I'm on holiday

00:59:56.860 at Disneyland? Well, you wake up 4am in the morning and you go running. That's how you do it.

01:00:04.020 And what was, that wasn't easy. No, but guess what? It was also kind of inspiring. My kids are like,

01:00:10.240 dang, he's committed. Right. And you feel good about yourself. I felt great. I felt great. So

01:00:17.840 when you have that Disneyland churro, you don't feel as bad. Yeah. You earned it. Two churros,

01:00:23.660 two of them or the big Turkey leg. Yeah. Dude, that sounds good. I don't sound good,

01:00:30.300 but it's disgusting. I see those people at Disneyland with a big Turkey legs and they're 1.00

01:00:33.960 just like carrying them around. I'm like, Oh, that's disgusting. All right. What else we got,

01:00:39.180 man? All right. We got two more questions. Eric Gentry, have you ever interviewed John Lovell

01:00:44.500 of warrior poet society? No. Interestingly enough, him and I have been talking and we're trying to get

01:00:51.920 scheduled, something scheduled for January in a, at, at shot show in Las Vegas. He's going to be

01:00:57.680 there. I'm going to be there. So we're trying to get something pinned down. Cool. There you go,

01:01:01.160 Eric. All right. Brett Baker. I love this one. Over the past 10 weeks or so, I have listened to

01:01:07.780 everything from episode one through August of this year. It has been amazing to hear how your life has

01:01:14.840 changed and how this movement has impacted your life. You started talking about running and I'm

01:01:19.920 curious about your journey. Do you still find it difficult to run without something playing in your

01:01:24.980 ear? Have you felt the runner's high? Have you completed the marathon that you've had been training

01:01:30.420 for? And what was the experience for you? Uh, no, I did not continue to run. I never experienced any

01:01:41.000 sort of runner's high. My knees hurt every time I ran and I have not completed a marathon.

01:01:49.640 Where are you up to? Or is this still a goal? Have you pivoted? It's not a goal. It's not a goal of

01:01:54.900 mine. And I'll tell you why. Because I believed that that's what you're supposed to like, oh, you

01:02:03.160 should just do that. You should. That was the problem. Yeah. Because every time I got out to go

01:02:12.120 running, I felt like I had to force myself to do it. And I was miserable the entire time. And I came to

01:02:18.760 the conclusion, not that I'm not a runner. I don't like saying those things because you either are,

01:02:23.700 you can decide to be or not. Like that's a decision. Yeah. I just came to the conclusion

01:02:29.120 that running doesn't define somebody's health. So why am I doing this? Because I think I should,

01:02:37.280 or somebody else runs. So I should run. I can be strong and healthy and fit in a different way.

01:02:42.980 That's more meaningful and relevant to me. Jiu Jitsu is a big part of that journey.

01:02:47.140 Yeah. So does the runner who doesn't do Jiu Jitsu, is that guy less fit? Because no,

01:02:53.260 he's just finding an activity that works for him with his lifestyle, something that he enjoys and

01:02:57.660 plays to his strengths. James Clear actually talks about this in the book, Atomic Habits. I keep

01:03:03.540 bringing that up because of the podcast next week. But he says, we're all inherently born with traits and

01:03:10.320 gifts and abilities. And he talks about Michael Phelps and someone else I can't remember. He says,

01:03:15.140 Michael Phelps is one of the greatest Olympians ever of all time. And guess what? He's built like

01:03:21.420 a swimmer, not a runner. If he tried to run, he would be hindered by some of his genetics. He

01:03:28.500 wouldn't be the, one of the greatest Olympians we've ever known if he was running, but he's

01:03:33.660 swimming because that's what his body's made for. So no, it's just not, it's not relevant to me anymore.

01:03:41.180 And therefore I shifted directions and found something that was more relevant. And, uh,

01:03:46.140 I feel really good about that decision. Yeah. I I've seen this multiple times because we have

01:03:51.260 things, right? We, we see things that common guys do and we think, okay, I should give that a run,

01:03:57.000 right? I should try that out for, for 12 weeks, put it into my battle plan, see if it fits. And,

01:04:03.820 and it's funny because, you know, we talk about journaling sometimes, uh, or morning meditations

01:04:08.340 and I've had numerous guys and I see, it's just like, I, you know, I committed to it. I did it

01:04:14.400 when I was supposed to, but I don't get it. Like it doesn't benefit me in any way. And so they're

01:04:20.720 like, okay, next quarter, I'm not going to force myself to do journaling because it just, I'd never

01:04:26.300 connected with it, but they find another way to calibrate and get their thoughts out and do

01:04:31.060 something different. And so this is a perfect example of us, you know, committing to something,

01:04:36.000 given a good run and then seeing and pivoting appropriately based upon the results and the

01:04:41.700 unique, our unique personality and our talents and those kinds of things and interests for that

01:04:45.820 matter. Cause I think even with interest, we do that. Oh, this is super popular. I want to do it.

01:04:50.900 And then you try it and give it a good run. You're like, actually, I just don't enjoy it as much as

01:04:55.460 everyone else does. So find something else, do something else. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think it's a

01:05:00.540 problem when we try to compare ourselves to other people in that we believe that we have in order to

01:05:05.720 be successful. We have to do it like them. I, you know, I use Jocko's four 30 as an example,

01:05:12.100 four 30, isn't the relevant number. Yeah. And I, I actually think Jocko would probably say that too.

01:05:19.260 Serves you say everybody's, but I think genuinely he would say, just do it. If it's five 30,

01:05:28.960 if it's staying up a half an hour later, if it's what, just do it, do the thing that you're committed

01:05:33.740 to. And what's interesting is I had the opportunity at, at, uh, origins immersion camp to shoot, uh,

01:05:41.520 some, some arrows with them to shoot archery with him. I brought some of my targets out. Cause I know

01:05:45.480 he was preparing for hunt. I brought my targets out and my bow and he brought his, and it was funny

01:05:50.520 because I watched him shoot and he is like as serious about shooting a bow as he is about jujitsu.

01:05:58.420 Like everything is just dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. And then he would miss it by like half an inch.

01:06:04.700 He's like, Hmm, I need to fix that. And so like everything was just calculated and deliberate and

01:06:10.780 intentional. And, and the reason I say that is because that's his mentality and it doesn't matter

01:06:16.320 if it's archery or jujitsu or writing a book. I watched him read Mikey and the dragons,

01:06:23.740 which is a kid's book. There's not a way that it's a kid's book for like ages two to seven or

01:06:29.300 something. Yeah. Yeah. This is, this is a child's book. I watched him sit in that chow hall and read

01:06:37.120 that book with as much passion and intensity as you hear him on the podcast or you hear him reading

01:06:45.940 dichotomy of leadership or his new leadership and tactics field manual, because that's the kind of

01:06:52.700 individually is. And it doesn't matter what it is all the time. Right. And it doesn't matter what it

01:06:58.300 is. And that's the point. It doesn't matter if it's running, if it's running cool, if it's jujitsu

01:07:04.880 cool, if it's archery cool, if it's painting cool, if it's playing the harmonica cool, I don't care what

01:07:11.320 it is. Just do the thing that edifies you, that fills your heart and soul and do it with everything that

01:07:19.960 you have. Yeah. And you'll be set and be fine. There you go. We get them all. Yes, sir. All the

01:07:27.260 IC anyway. Good. Well, we'll get to the Facebook questions next week. Uh, appreciate it guys. Great

01:07:32.680 questions today. Hope we gave you some good answers. Uh, let's wrap it up, Kip, if you would.

01:07:37.800 Yeah, for sure. Uh, we mentioned already earlier, learn more about the iron council or exclusive

01:07:42.360 brotherhood. That's order of man.com slash iron council. Um, if you're watching us on YouTube and you

01:07:48.720 want to learn more about the order of man above and beyond just these YouTube videos, join us on

01:07:53.780 Facebook, facebook.com slash group slash order of man, or subscribe to the podcast, leave a rating

01:07:59.520 review. Ryan recently, you've been kind of asking for that. You know, let's, let's cause the movement

01:08:05.000 up. Uh, it only takes a few minutes guys. So, uh, please take a moment and, and leave a rating review

01:08:10.820 that really helps us get this message out more. Let me say a word on that guys. It's really important.

01:08:16.160 I mean, really important. There's people that, you know, men that, you know, in your life,

01:08:21.400 dads, brothers, cousins, colleagues, coworkers, neighbors, friends, et cetera,

01:08:24.900 who need to hear this message. And I know that because we get messages from you guys every single

01:08:30.520 day saying I've lost weight. I've found passion in my life. I'm changing my marriage around. I've

01:08:36.200 reconnected with my kids. I found this new passion. I got a raise every day. We get messages like that

01:08:41.780 and we have an opportunity. And I think frankly, an obligation to share the information that we have

01:08:48.880 with those will be impacted positively by it. So if you've listened to this pot, if this is your

01:08:53.280 first time listening to this podcast or your 500th time listening to the podcast and you haven't done

01:08:59.860 it yet, do your part and go leave a rating review. It'll take you 60 seconds. And because you left a

01:09:06.680 rating and review, somebody else will hear this and they'll salvage their marriage or they'll get a

01:09:13.420 raise or they'll reconnect with their children or they will find a new hobby that they enjoy because

01:09:20.240 you took two minutes to go leave a review. And if we had 10,000 guys go do that, we'd have millions

01:09:26.580 and millions of men impacted by it. It's like a very small thing that has exponential opportunity

01:09:32.900 for growth and return. Please just very simple. Ask, go leave a rating review on iTunes. And

01:09:38.260 that would mean a lot to us. And it'd mean a lot to the people who learn about what we're doing

01:09:42.840 because you took the time to do that. Yeah. And for you guys wanting to get some presence out,

01:09:49.240 order of man swag for your loved ones, um, you can go to store.orderofman.com and get hats,

01:09:56.100 t-shirts, decals, flags, and those kinds of things. Right. I'm assuming there's a date that you need to

01:10:01.360 at one point say anything past this date, we're not going to be able to get something to you guys

01:10:05.360 by Christmas, but I don't know what that is. Uh, it's probably within the next week. So I'd say

01:10:10.160 by, you know, the 15th or 17th of December, um, it's going to be a little tough at that point to

01:10:14.180 get it out prior to Christmas, but you know, we'll work up until Christmas because as we said earlier,

01:10:19.420 the quote unquote holidays don't stop what we have going on. Like we're not going to send packages on

01:10:24.300 Christmas, but leading up to Christmas Eve, we'll still be sent in packages and doing our work. Cause

01:10:28.480 that's what the work requires. Okay. And then one last thing, uh, legacy. So orderofman.com slash

01:10:35.900 legacy. This is a father and young man event, sometimes father and son, sometimes father and

01:10:41.260 nephew. Nephew. Yeah. It's, it, we've, it was super cool in the last legacy. How many guys were there

01:10:47.020 with nephews or, um, really just Matthew meth, um, nephews for the most part, nephews and sons. But

01:10:54.200 that event is June 11th through the 14th, 2020. Um, once again, orderofman.com slash legacy to

01:11:01.620 learn more. And that will be in Maine. Yeah. Maine. We have nine spots left on that. Nine spots.

01:11:07.900 Okay. So get after it. All right, guys. Appreciate you. Uh, we'll be back to our, excuse me, Friday

01:11:13.700 for the Friday field notes. James clears next week. We've got some great podcasts lined up. In addition

01:11:17.740 to that, I've got another three or four, I believe in the hopper and some cool upcoming guests. So

01:11:23.400 subscribe, leave the rating review. Thanks for being on the battle on the path with us. We'll,

01:11:26.740 uh, we'll catch you Friday. Go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:11:31.420 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:11:35.940 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - December 11, 2019

The Dangers of Faulty Expectations, Overcoming a Failed Marriage, and the Power of Reinvention ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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