Order of Man - The Dichotomy Between Contentment and Ambition

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.880 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.200 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.820 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.260 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:26.580 Mickletter. I'm your host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome

00:00:30.960 here and welcome back. We're doing things a little differently. I've got some new video

00:00:35.040 camera equipment, and hopefully this is going to make things look a little better because

00:00:38.980 we're always trying to improve the quality. But most importantly, we want to make sure

00:00:42.640 we're getting you the information, the tools, the resources, and the conversations that you

00:00:47.560 want and need to thrive as a man. So this is a small part in that mission and in that

00:00:53.680 goal. And that mission has been going on for eight years now, a little over eight years

00:00:57.060 now. And I share that with you because whether you've been with us for eight years or you're

00:01:01.220 just joining us for the first time, I'm glad you're here. Today, we're going to talk about

00:01:04.560 something that gets brought up all the time, and that is the dichotomy of contentment versus

00:01:10.680 ambition. I get this question so often. How do you balance between being content and being

00:01:17.120 satisfied? Maybe not satisfied, but happy with where you are. But at the same time, still

00:01:23.600 be ambitious and have goals and desires and dreams and pursuits and things that you're

00:01:28.400 working towards. So today, I'm going to give you five tools, five mindsets, and a couple

00:01:33.580 little strategies that you can use to help you exercise both contentment in your life

00:01:38.900 and maybe use a different word, but you understand the point. Balancing that with ambition, drive

00:01:45.340 and motivation. Let's just jump right into it today. And I'm going to talk about some other

00:01:48.980 things later. But for now, let's get right into the five things. Number one is we need to

00:01:53.260 acknowledge and realize that two ideas can exist simultaneously. All right? You can actually

00:02:00.020 be content and happy with where you are. And also, you can be ambitious and have a desire

00:02:06.580 for more. Too often, we operate in this false dichotomy mindset where if one variable exists,

00:02:13.820 the other can't. So a lot of the times people believe that, hey, if I'm content with where I

00:02:18.540 am, that means I'm going to be lazy. That means I'm going to be lackadaisical. I'm not going to

00:02:23.380 have vision. I'm not going to have motivation. I'm not going to have drive. That isn't the case.

00:02:27.360 I'm very happy with where I am in my life for the most part. I'm working through my own personal

00:02:32.540 issues on some aspects, just like many of you are, but I'm very satisfied with where I am.

00:02:38.480 And I also have goals. And I also have dreams. And I also have desires. And one doesn't necessarily

00:02:43.980 need to come at the expense of the other. When we operate in false dichotomies, we shut ourselves

00:02:49.620 off to potential and possibility and fulfillment. So for example, if you believe that you can only

00:02:58.220 be content or ambitious, then you're going to slip into default mode. You're going to be in cruise

00:03:06.080 control. You're not going to be doing new things. You're not going to be pushing yourself further.

00:03:10.060 And ultimately you are not going to be content with that. Isn't that ironic? You're so focused

00:03:15.620 on being content that you're not going to be ambitious. And because you're not ambitious

00:03:19.840 and working towards something, then you lose some of your contentment. It's an ironic scenario,

00:03:24.420 but that's the reality of it. Alternatively, if you're so ambitious, but you never stop to embrace

00:03:31.200 or recognize or realize or express gratitude about where you are, your ambition means nothing

00:03:36.880 because you're never happy. You're never fulfilled. You're never satisfied. So I think it's important

00:03:42.780 that we exercise both. We're going to be content and satisfied. Excuse me. I keep saying that word.

00:03:48.420 That's not the right word. Satisfied is not the right verbiage for this. We're going to be content

00:03:52.880 with where we are, meaning we're going to be fulfilled and happy with where we are because we

00:03:56.600 can consciously make that choice. And also we're going to have goals, dreams, desires, outcomes

00:04:02.420 that we want to pursue. Having both actually helps the other. Being more content with where you are

00:04:09.540 helps you see all that you have, which allows you to drive on and use tools and technology and

00:04:15.780 information and insight and your health in positive ways to continue your growth.

00:04:21.380 And being ambitious allows you to be content because you can see that your hard work is paying off.

00:04:27.560 Guys, number two is we want to exercise. Now that we know that two variables can exist

00:04:33.100 in the same ecosystem, we now want to exercise two different, not competing, but complementary ideas.

00:04:43.160 Number one is gratitude. Now you hear this all the time. Everybody talks about why you should express

00:04:48.760 gratitude and talk about the things that you're grateful for and happy about. That practice is very

00:04:55.640 beneficial for multiple reasons, but one of them is that it allows you to see all that you have.

00:05:01.280 And you do have a lot. I'm struggling in some areas of my life. Every single man that I talk with

00:05:06.400 is struggling in an area of his life or multiple areas. And yet even despite those struggles, there are

00:05:12.140 still so many things to be grateful for, positive about, and excited about. The more that we can

00:05:18.000 acknowledge that you do have a good life, you have your health, you have food on the table, you have roof over

00:05:23.000 your head, you have clothes, you have access to technology, you have relationships that mean

00:05:26.920 something to you. The more content you are going to be with what you have, and you're not going to

00:05:31.840 need to chase other things. There's a difference now between chasing and pursuing. I'm not talking

00:05:37.480 about pursuing different areas, or excuse me, I'm not talking about chasing different areas of your life.

00:05:42.640 I'm talking about pursuing, meaning actively working towards achieving desired results.

00:05:48.000 So we're going to, if this sounds interesting to you, and you feel like you want to express gratitude

00:05:54.180 more, is, I'm going to pull something out of my drawer here. I've got a journal right here,

00:05:59.420 right there. And every single day, I write in this journal. Sometimes I write what I'm grateful for.

00:06:05.480 Sometimes I write what lessons I've learned. Sometimes I write where I struggle. Sometimes I write

00:06:11.020 a story or an anecdote or something I came across from throughout the day that taught me something

00:06:15.580 different or unique or valuable, and I write it down. And I'm telling you what, every time I go in there

00:06:20.180 and I write that I'm grateful for my children, I'm grateful for my relationships, I'm grateful for the

00:06:24.920 opportunity to serve you guys. I'm grateful for technology. I'm grateful for my truck. I'm grateful for

00:06:30.860 the beautiful weather outside. I'm grateful for this home that I have. I'm grateful for my financial

00:06:36.540 abundance and other rental properties I have. I'm grateful for intelligence. That's questionable or

00:06:43.480 debatable, I should say. But I'm grateful for all these things. I write them down. And you know what?

00:06:47.700 I feel edified and uplifted. And alternatively, as I write in that journal, sometimes I'm writing,

00:06:53.920 hey, here's what I'm after. You know, I want to have a thriving, romantic relationship with somebody.

00:06:59.200 I want to have a deep and connected, powerful relationship with kids. I want to have a thriving,

00:07:07.220 fulfilled, successful career and business. I want to have a lot of zeros at the end of that one

00:07:12.960 inside my bank account. I want to go on trips. I want to go on vacations. And I want to work towards

00:07:17.440 those things. And I want to use what I have, the things I'm grateful for, to produce those desired

00:07:23.460 results. I'm somewhat intelligent. I've got my health. I've got energy. I've got vitality. I've

00:07:28.840 got technology. I have a great network of individuals. So grateful for those things because

00:07:33.660 I can use them to be more ambitious in my life and achieve desired outcomes. Now they're no longer

00:07:39.580 competing ideas. They're harmonious, right? I'm grateful for what I have. And because I value what

00:07:46.320 I have, I'm going to use it to help me create more prosperity, fulfillment, and abundance in my

00:07:51.940 life. Number three is that we need to understand that life is just a process. All right. So many of us,

00:07:59.640 and this is the plight of self-development, man, I get into this trap every once in a while, but so

00:08:04.340 many of us are so focused on what's next, what's next, what's next, what can I do? How can I accomplish

00:08:10.020 this? That we forget that we're in the midst of a process right now. I just had a great question or

00:08:16.340 ask me anything earlier this week, where my good friend, Caleb Oliver asked something to the effect

00:08:21.580 of working towards some future outcome, knowing that he's not exactly where he wants to be right now.

00:08:27.660 And I use the analogy of a track runner in the starting block. They don't complain that they're in the

00:08:33.960 starting block. They're ready to go. They're ready to run the race. They're ready to win and work what

00:08:38.300 they can to be able to accomplish their desired outcome. But they're not complaining about being

00:08:42.620 in the starters block because they know it's an integral part of the process. So what do they do

00:08:47.840 in the starting block? Well, they get positioned, they move in and maneuver their body in just the

00:08:52.820 right way so that when that gun goes, they're in the best possible position to excel, to thrive,

00:08:59.480 and to accomplish what it is they're after. Guys, we're not going to complain about where we are

00:09:03.920 right now. This is part of the process. And I don't care where you are, but this is it.

00:09:08.880 If you're overweight, this is the starting block. If you're financially destitute, this is the

00:09:14.080 starting block. If you don't have a romantic relationship with somebody that's deep and

00:09:18.080 meaningful and fulfilling to you, this is the starting block. It's part of the process. And just

00:09:22.900 because you don't have what you want right now doesn't mean that because of where you are, you can't

00:09:27.180 start working towards it. I've talked about it so often that especially this goes for men who are

00:09:33.040 depressed and have anxiety and are struggling with where they are, work on building friendships,

00:09:37.960 make yourself the project, develop a new skill, get a new credential, ask that woman on a date,

00:09:45.680 start that business, go to the gym, drink more water, cut out the processed sugars,

00:09:52.480 balance your bank account today. These are all things that you can do regardless of where you are in

00:09:57.680 life. And yeah, it's not grand and it's not sexy and it's not the ultimate pinnacle of your

00:10:02.200 achievement, but it's something. And you're going to feel better about that because you understand

00:10:06.520 that where you are is only the bottom of the totem pole based on where you will be. But that's

00:10:12.500 only possible if you're willing to do the work and acknowledge that this starting point is part of

00:10:18.060 the process and you're building. What too many guys do is they complain and gripe and moan and bitch

00:10:25.000 about where they are right now that they don't even take advantage of the time they have right now.

00:10:30.000 Oh man, I'm not in as good a shape as I want to be. And so they'll sit around and they'll wallow in

00:10:34.560 their own tears and they'll binge watch Netflix while they're drinking a bunch of booze.

00:10:39.740 How's that going to serve us guys? It's not. So instead of using your current circumstances

00:10:46.780 as a reason to self-destruct or self-sabotage, think to myself or yourself, Hey, you know what?

00:10:53.460 I don't have everything going for me right now, but I can pick up a great book. I can put the drink

00:10:58.820 down. I can put the Netflix down. I can pick up a great book and I can read that book. I can listen

00:11:03.760 to a podcast. I can call a friend. I can work on that project. I can invest in that camera that I

00:11:08.720 wanted to get to start my photography business. I can build a website. I can go in and balance my bank

00:11:13.420 account. There's so many wonderful things that you can do right in this moment. If you're willing to

00:11:18.000 acknowledge that this moment, regardless of where it is, is part of the process. Number four is it's

00:11:25.820 important that we measure, embrace, and also celebrate incremental improvement because I

00:11:32.120 know what it's like not to succeed at the level that you know you can. I do it every day because

00:11:37.280 every day I have a desire to be in a different place than I currently am, but I'm not. But there

00:11:41.760 are things that I do today. Maybe I got up and I went and worked out. Maybe I accomplished my entire

00:11:46.800 to-do list today. Maybe I connected with a friend or a romantic interest or my children in a way that

00:11:53.980 moved the needle in our relationship. Maybe I paid off a few hundred dollars in debt. Maybe I

00:12:00.000 picked up a new gig or got a new client. Small little things that you can count towards your

00:12:05.500 victory. And then you can be excited about where you currently are because you won, but you know

00:12:10.260 that's putting you on the path to improvement, right? It's, I understand it's difficult for a high

00:12:15.740 achieving man, for a guy who's getting a lot done, but also a guy who listens to a lot of self-help

00:12:21.040 and self-development. Like I do, like you do. It's hard not to compare yourself to other people

00:12:26.400 and wonder why you're not there. You can be, you're just starting the race a little late.

00:12:32.020 Everybody who's there, quote unquote there, where you want to be started where you are.

00:12:37.500 So get your butt in the game, start doing what needs to be done. Acknowledge that you're, yes,

00:12:43.720 maybe not as far as the next guy, but you're further than you were yesterday. And that's something to

00:12:48.400 honor. And it's something to be proud about. Honor, acknowledge, embrace, and celebrate the

00:12:54.560 small wins. I have a good friend in our Brotherhood, the Iron Council. He talks about it all the time.

00:12:59.660 His name is Alan Placer. He talks about it all the time. Celebrate your wins. Be happy with what

00:13:05.120 you're doing because the more fulfilled and happy you are with your wins, the more you want to stack

00:13:10.320 those wins up. And it's stacking those wins that allows you to produce and accomplish long-term

00:13:16.140 objectives. Guys, number five, and this one is stolen directly from my good friend, Andy Frisilla.

00:13:22.300 I think he surmises this concept of the dichotomy between content and ambition perfectly when he uses

00:13:28.780 the phrase aggressively patient. Aggressively patient. It's a bit of an oxymoron, isn't it?

00:13:35.560 You're supposed to be patient, but also aggressive. Yes. What does that mean? Aggressive towards

00:13:42.020 the action that will produce the result that you desire. That's it. You're going to be aggressive

00:13:49.380 towards the action that is going to produce the result or desire. And you're not going to really

00:13:57.080 worry about when things are going to happen and when your ship is going to come in and one day when

00:14:03.600 all you're going to do is create some vision. We talked a little bit about that, right? In point

00:14:07.640 number two, exercising gratitude and vision. You're going to exercise some vision. You're going to

00:14:12.680 exercise some understanding the process. And then you're going to aggressively and actively work

00:14:20.820 towards what you need to accomplish while being patient and letting the process unfold. And the best

00:14:28.340 way I found to keep yourself in this game, because let's be honest, if for example, you want to lose 30

00:14:33.860 pounds and you lose that first five, 10, 15 pounds pretty quickly, but that last 15 or that last 10

00:14:39.340 or five pounds is really difficult. You might be discouraged because you're not seeing the results

00:14:44.060 that you want. So the best thing that you can do is to turn towards trusted advisors and mentors and

00:14:50.660 coaches or people online, influencers, whoever you listen to that are credible. And they're going to keep

00:14:57.080 you in it because they're going to acknowledge that you're not seeing the results that you want, but if you

00:15:01.360 stay in the game long enough, you will, and they'll keep you in the game. I dealt with this all the

00:15:05.580 time in financial planning. I had people come in and they're like, Ryan, you know, this guy's

00:15:09.780 portfolio did 20% last year and my portfolio did 8%. Well, I want to chase that 20. Well, what the guy

00:15:15.820 who got 20 this year didn't tell you is that he lost 30 the previous year. He was down 10 the previous

00:15:21.600 year. He was up three the previous year and down 15 the previous year. Like he didn't tell you that

00:15:26.580 that's Bidenomics by the way. Okay. They'll tell you, Hey, inflation is down every month or every year

00:15:33.500 for the last three years. Well, that's not the entire story. The entire story is that it skyrocketed

00:15:40.560 four years ago and we're not even to where we were before. So if we're going to look at it, we need to

00:15:45.920 tell the entire story. It's not just that the guy next to you got 20%. What we're after is long-term

00:15:53.540 consistent results through small, simple, and consistent actions. We need to be able to

00:16:02.140 exercise aggressive patience, knowing that we're doing the right thing, feeling confident in what

00:16:08.120 we're doing and letting the results play as they're going to play, letting the chips fall as they may,

00:16:13.840 so to speak. Guys, this is how we do it. But I, what I want you to know is that every time you talk

00:16:18.700 about balancing the dichotomy of content and ambition, or how do I be content, but also still

00:16:26.200 be ambitious, you're creating an unnecessary battle. You're battling with yourself. You're

00:16:31.820 saying that either I can be content and never have anything else I want to have in life, or I can have

00:16:38.160 everything I want in life and never be happy about it. I'm not interested in that kind of lifestyle.

00:16:43.780 You're not interested in that lifestyle. I want to be happy now. I want to be fulfilled now. I want

00:16:50.880 to be content with where I am in my life now. And I want to create future opportunities. And I know

00:16:58.060 those two concepts are not at odds with each other. In fact, they're complimentary. The more I can be

00:17:04.220 content, the more I can be fulfilled, the more I can be satisfied and grateful with what I currently

00:17:10.140 have, the more opportunities I will have in the future. This is the path, guys. And this is how you

00:17:16.860 balance, so to speak. And again, I don't like that term when we're talking about this, because it makes

00:17:21.400 it feel like they're at odds with each other. They're not. But this is how you practice both

00:17:25.560 contentment and ambition. I hope that serves you. I hope it helps. If it does, let me know. If you're

00:17:32.080 on YouTube, youtube.com slash order a man, drop a comment. Let me know what you think. If you have

00:17:37.300 other ideas, please share those with me. Also, share this episode with somebody else. If you know

00:17:43.080 an ambitious guy, share this with him. If you know somebody who's struggling with ambition or struggling

00:17:47.800 to accomplish what they want in life, share this with them. When we have access to resources that

00:17:52.620 serve us, we have a responsibility to share those resources with other men. Guys, I hope this helps

00:17:58.720 you. I'm here to serve. I'm here to help you guys. And I'm thank you. A lot of what I share and talk

00:18:04.500 about. I actually have to, I've got some notes here. I actually have to go through myself and

00:18:08.540 think about for myself, how does this apply to me? And it helps me be a better man too.

00:18:13.480 So hopefully I'm serving you, but I want you to know in the process, you are serving me. All right,

00:18:18.580 guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, let's go out there, take action, exercise, both contentment

00:18:25.000 and ambition, and become the men we are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:18:30.520 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:18:35.020 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - August 11, 2023

The Dichotomy Between Contentment and Ambition ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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