Order of Man - August 11, 2023


The Dichotomy Between Contentment and Ambition ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Topics
dichotomy between contentment and ambition gratitude and ambition incremental improvement aggressively patient contentment and ambition
Hosted by
Ryan Michler
Mentioned
Andy Frisilla Caleb Oliver Alan Placer Order
Getting Married Too Young？, When do You Become a Man, and Building Muscle Mass ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING JON ACUFF ｜ Ditch Regret and Tap Into Potential

Episode Stats


Length

18 minutes

Words per minute

191.52

Word count

3,569

Sentence count

271

Harmful content

Misogyny

1

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Ryan talks about the dichotomy of being content with where you are and how to balance that with a desire for more. He discusses the benefits of being both content and ambitious in your life, and how you can balance the two.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
00:00:04.880 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:10.200 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:16.820 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.260 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan
00:00:26.580 Mickletter. I'm your host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome
00:00:30.960 here and welcome back. We're doing things a little differently. I've got some new video
00:00:35.040 camera equipment, and hopefully this is going to make things look a little better because
00:00:38.980 we're always trying to improve the quality. But most importantly, we want to make sure
00:00:42.640 we're getting you the information, the tools, the resources, and the conversations that you
00:00:47.560 want and need to thrive as a man. So this is a small part in that mission and in that
00:00:53.680 goal. And that mission has been going on for eight years now, a little over eight years
00:00:57.060 now. And I share that with you because whether you've been with us for eight years or you're
00:01:01.220 just joining us for the first time, I'm glad you're here. Today, we're going to talk about
00:01:04.560 something that gets brought up all the time, and that is the dichotomy of contentment versus
00:01:10.680 ambition. I get this question so often. How do you balance between being content and being
00:01:17.120 satisfied? Maybe not satisfied, but happy with where you are. But at the same time, still
00:01:23.600 be ambitious and have goals and desires and dreams and pursuits and things that you're
00:01:28.400 working towards. So today, I'm going to give you five tools, five mindsets, and a couple
00:01:33.580 little strategies that you can use to help you exercise both contentment in your life
00:01:38.900 and maybe use a different word, but you understand the point. Balancing that with ambition, drive
00:01:45.340 and motivation. Let's just jump right into it today. And I'm going to talk about some other
00:01:48.980 things later. But for now, let's get right into the five things. Number one is we need to
00:01:53.260 acknowledge and realize that two ideas can exist simultaneously. All right? You can actually
00:02:00.020 be content and happy with where you are. And also, you can be ambitious and have a desire
00:02:06.580 for more. Too often, we operate in this false dichotomy mindset where if one variable exists,
00:02:13.820 the other can't. So a lot of the times people believe that, hey, if I'm content with where I
00:02:18.540 am, that means I'm going to be lazy. That means I'm going to be lackadaisical. I'm not going to
00:02:23.380 have vision. I'm not going to have motivation. I'm not going to have drive. That isn't the case.
00:02:27.360 I'm very happy with where I am in my life for the most part. I'm working through my own personal
00:02:32.540 issues on some aspects, just like many of you are, but I'm very satisfied with where I am.
00:02:38.480 And I also have goals. And I also have dreams. And I also have desires. And one doesn't necessarily
00:02:43.980 need to come at the expense of the other. When we operate in false dichotomies, we shut ourselves
00:02:49.620 off to potential and possibility and fulfillment. So for example, if you believe that you can only
00:02:58.220 be content or ambitious, then you're going to slip into default mode. You're going to be in cruise
00:03:06.080 control. You're not going to be doing new things. You're not going to be pushing yourself further.
00:03:10.060 And ultimately you are not going to be content with that. Isn't that ironic? You're so focused
00:03:15.620 on being content that you're not going to be ambitious. And because you're not ambitious
00:03:19.840 and working towards something, then you lose some of your contentment. It's an ironic scenario,
00:03:24.420 but that's the reality of it. Alternatively, if you're so ambitious, but you never stop to embrace
00:03:31.200 or recognize or realize or express gratitude about where you are, your ambition means nothing
00:03:36.880 because you're never happy. You're never fulfilled. You're never satisfied. So I think it's important
00:03:42.780 that we exercise both. We're going to be content and satisfied. Excuse me. I keep saying that word.
00:03:48.420 That's not the right word. Satisfied is not the right verbiage for this. We're going to be content
00:03:52.880 with where we are, meaning we're going to be fulfilled and happy with where we are because we
00:03:56.600 can consciously make that choice. And also we're going to have goals, dreams, desires, outcomes
00:04:02.420 that we want to pursue. Having both actually helps the other. Being more content with where you are
00:04:09.540 helps you see all that you have, which allows you to drive on and use tools and technology and
00:04:15.780 information and insight and your health in positive ways to continue your growth.
00:04:21.380 And being ambitious allows you to be content because you can see that your hard work is paying off.
00:04:27.560 Guys, number two is we want to exercise. Now that we know that two variables can exist
00:04:33.100 in the same ecosystem, we now want to exercise two different, not competing, but complementary ideas.
00:04:43.160 Number one is gratitude. Now you hear this all the time. Everybody talks about why you should express
00:04:48.760 gratitude and talk about the things that you're grateful for and happy about. That practice is very
00:04:55.640 beneficial for multiple reasons, but one of them is that it allows you to see all that you have.
00:05:01.280 And you do have a lot. I'm struggling in some areas of my life. Every single man that I talk with
00:05:06.400 is struggling in an area of his life or multiple areas. And yet even despite those struggles, there are
00:05:12.140 still so many things to be grateful for, positive about, and excited about. The more that we can
00:05:18.000 acknowledge that you do have a good life, you have your health, you have food on the table, you have roof over
00:05:23.000 your head, you have clothes, you have access to technology, you have relationships that mean
00:05:26.920 something to you. The more content you are going to be with what you have, and you're not going to
00:05:31.840 need to chase other things. There's a difference now between chasing and pursuing. I'm not talking
00:05:37.480 about pursuing different areas, or excuse me, I'm not talking about chasing different areas of your life.
00:05:42.640 I'm talking about pursuing, meaning actively working towards achieving desired results.
00:05:48.000 So we're going to, if this sounds interesting to you, and you feel like you want to express gratitude
00:05:54.180 more, is, I'm going to pull something out of my drawer here. I've got a journal right here,
00:05:59.420 right there. And every single day, I write in this journal. Sometimes I write what I'm grateful for.
00:06:05.480 Sometimes I write what lessons I've learned. Sometimes I write where I struggle. Sometimes I write
00:06:11.020 a story or an anecdote or something I came across from throughout the day that taught me something
00:06:15.580 different or unique or valuable, and I write it down. And I'm telling you what, every time I go in there
00:06:20.180 and I write that I'm grateful for my children, I'm grateful for my relationships, I'm grateful for the
00:06:24.920 opportunity to serve you guys. I'm grateful for technology. I'm grateful for my truck. I'm grateful for
00:06:30.860 the beautiful weather outside. I'm grateful for this home that I have. I'm grateful for my financial
00:06:36.540 abundance and other rental properties I have. I'm grateful for intelligence. That's questionable or
00:06:43.480 debatable, I should say. But I'm grateful for all these things. I write them down. And you know what?
00:06:47.700 I feel edified and uplifted. And alternatively, as I write in that journal, sometimes I'm writing,
00:06:53.920 hey, here's what I'm after. You know, I want to have a thriving, romantic relationship with somebody.
00:06:59.200 I want to have a deep and connected, powerful relationship with kids. I want to have a thriving,
00:07:07.220 fulfilled, successful career and business. I want to have a lot of zeros at the end of that one
00:07:12.960 inside my bank account. I want to go on trips. I want to go on vacations. And I want to work towards
00:07:17.440 those things. And I want to use what I have, the things I'm grateful for, to produce those desired
00:07:23.460 results. I'm somewhat intelligent. I've got my health. I've got energy. I've got vitality. I've
00:07:28.840 got technology. I have a great network of individuals. So grateful for those things because
00:07:33.660 I can use them to be more ambitious in my life and achieve desired outcomes. Now they're no longer
00:07:39.580 competing ideas. They're harmonious, right? I'm grateful for what I have. And because I value what
00:07:46.320 I have, I'm going to use it to help me create more prosperity, fulfillment, and abundance in my
00:07:51.940 life. Number three is that we need to understand that life is just a process. All right. So many of us,
00:07:59.640 and this is the plight of self-development, man, I get into this trap every once in a while, but so
00:08:04.340 many of us are so focused on what's next, what's next, what's next, what can I do? How can I accomplish
00:08:10.020 this? That we forget that we're in the midst of a process right now. I just had a great question or
00:08:16.340 ask me anything earlier this week, where my good friend, Caleb Oliver asked something to the effect
00:08:21.580 of working towards some future outcome, knowing that he's not exactly where he wants to be right now.
00:08:27.660 And I use the analogy of a track runner in the starting block. They don't complain that they're in the
00:08:33.960 starting block. They're ready to go. They're ready to run the race. They're ready to win and work what
00:08:38.300 they can to be able to accomplish their desired outcome. But they're not complaining about being
00:08:42.620 in the starters block because they know it's an integral part of the process. So what do they do
00:08:47.840 in the starting block? Well, they get positioned, they move in and maneuver their body in just the
00:08:52.820 right way so that when that gun goes, they're in the best possible position to excel, to thrive,
00:08:59.480 and to accomplish what it is they're after. Guys, we're not going to complain about where we are
00:09:03.920 right now. This is part of the process. And I don't care where you are, but this is it.
00:09:08.880 If you're overweight, this is the starting block. If you're financially destitute, this is the
00:09:14.080 starting block. If you don't have a romantic relationship with somebody that's deep and
00:09:18.080 meaningful and fulfilling to you, this is the starting block. It's part of the process. And just
00:09:22.900 because you don't have what you want right now doesn't mean that because of where you are, you can't
00:09:27.180 start working towards it. I've talked about it so often that especially this goes for men who are
00:09:33.040 depressed and have anxiety and are struggling with where they are, work on building friendships,
00:09:37.960 make yourself the project, develop a new skill, get a new credential, ask that woman on a date,
00:09:45.680 start that business, go to the gym, drink more water, cut out the processed sugars,
00:09:52.480 balance your bank account today. These are all things that you can do regardless of where you are in
00:09:57.680 life. And yeah, it's not grand and it's not sexy and it's not the ultimate pinnacle of your
00:10:02.200 achievement, but it's something. And you're going to feel better about that because you understand
00:10:06.520 that where you are is only the bottom of the totem pole based on where you will be. But that's
00:10:12.500 only possible if you're willing to do the work and acknowledge that this starting point is part of
00:10:18.060 the process and you're building. What too many guys do is they complain and gripe and moan and bitch 1.00
00:10:25.000 about where they are right now that they don't even take advantage of the time they have right now.
00:10:30.000 Oh man, I'm not in as good a shape as I want to be. And so they'll sit around and they'll wallow in
00:10:34.560 their own tears and they'll binge watch Netflix while they're drinking a bunch of booze.
00:10:39.740 How's that going to serve us guys? It's not. So instead of using your current circumstances
00:10:46.780 as a reason to self-destruct or self-sabotage, think to myself or yourself, Hey, you know what?
00:10:53.460 I don't have everything going for me right now, but I can pick up a great book. I can put the drink
00:10:58.820 down. I can put the Netflix down. I can pick up a great book and I can read that book. I can listen
00:11:03.760 to a podcast. I can call a friend. I can work on that project. I can invest in that camera that I
00:11:08.720 wanted to get to start my photography business. I can build a website. I can go in and balance my bank
00:11:13.420 account. There's so many wonderful things that you can do right in this moment. If you're willing to
00:11:18.000 acknowledge that this moment, regardless of where it is, is part of the process. Number four is it's
00:11:25.820 important that we measure, embrace, and also celebrate incremental improvement because I
00:11:32.120 know what it's like not to succeed at the level that you know you can. I do it every day because
00:11:37.280 every day I have a desire to be in a different place than I currently am, but I'm not. But there
00:11:41.760 are things that I do today. Maybe I got up and I went and worked out. Maybe I accomplished my entire
00:11:46.800 to-do list today. Maybe I connected with a friend or a romantic interest or my children in a way that
00:11:53.980 moved the needle in our relationship. Maybe I paid off a few hundred dollars in debt. Maybe I
00:12:00.000 picked up a new gig or got a new client. Small little things that you can count towards your
00:12:05.500 victory. And then you can be excited about where you currently are because you won, but you know
00:12:10.260 that's putting you on the path to improvement, right? It's, I understand it's difficult for a high
00:12:15.740 achieving man, for a guy who's getting a lot done, but also a guy who listens to a lot of self-help
00:12:21.040 and self-development. Like I do, like you do. It's hard not to compare yourself to other people
00:12:26.400 and wonder why you're not there. You can be, you're just starting the race a little late.
00:12:32.020 Everybody who's there, quote unquote there, where you want to be started where you are.
00:12:37.500 So get your butt in the game, start doing what needs to be done. Acknowledge that you're, yes,
00:12:43.720 maybe not as far as the next guy, but you're further than you were yesterday. And that's something to
00:12:48.400 honor. And it's something to be proud about. Honor, acknowledge, embrace, and celebrate the
00:12:54.560 small wins. I have a good friend in our Brotherhood, the Iron Council. He talks about it all the time.
00:12:59.660 His name is Alan Placer. He talks about it all the time. Celebrate your wins. Be happy with what
00:13:05.120 you're doing because the more fulfilled and happy you are with your wins, the more you want to stack
00:13:10.320 those wins up. And it's stacking those wins that allows you to produce and accomplish long-term
00:13:16.140 objectives. Guys, number five, and this one is stolen directly from my good friend, Andy Frisilla.
00:13:22.300 I think he surmises this concept of the dichotomy between content and ambition perfectly when he uses
00:13:28.780 the phrase aggressively patient. Aggressively patient. It's a bit of an oxymoron, isn't it?
00:13:35.560 You're supposed to be patient, but also aggressive. Yes. What does that mean? Aggressive towards
00:13:42.020 the action that will produce the result that you desire. That's it. You're going to be aggressive
00:13:49.380 towards the action that is going to produce the result or desire. And you're not going to really
00:13:57.080 worry about when things are going to happen and when your ship is going to come in and one day when
00:14:03.600 all you're going to do is create some vision. We talked a little bit about that, right? In point
00:14:07.640 number two, exercising gratitude and vision. You're going to exercise some vision. You're going to
00:14:12.680 exercise some understanding the process. And then you're going to aggressively and actively work
00:14:20.820 towards what you need to accomplish while being patient and letting the process unfold. And the best
00:14:28.340 way I found to keep yourself in this game, because let's be honest, if for example, you want to lose 30
00:14:33.860 pounds and you lose that first five, 10, 15 pounds pretty quickly, but that last 15 or that last 10
00:14:39.340 or five pounds is really difficult. You might be discouraged because you're not seeing the results
00:14:44.060 that you want. So the best thing that you can do is to turn towards trusted advisors and mentors and
00:14:50.660 coaches or people online, influencers, whoever you listen to that are credible. And they're going to keep
00:14:57.080 you in it because they're going to acknowledge that you're not seeing the results that you want, but if you
00:15:01.360 stay in the game long enough, you will, and they'll keep you in the game. I dealt with this all the
00:15:05.580 time in financial planning. I had people come in and they're like, Ryan, you know, this guy's
00:15:09.780 portfolio did 20% last year and my portfolio did 8%. Well, I want to chase that 20. Well, what the guy
00:15:15.820 who got 20 this year didn't tell you is that he lost 30 the previous year. He was down 10 the previous
00:15:21.600 year. He was up three the previous year and down 15 the previous year. Like he didn't tell you that
00:15:26.580 that's Bidenomics by the way. Okay. They'll tell you, Hey, inflation is down every month or every year
00:15:33.500 for the last three years. Well, that's not the entire story. The entire story is that it skyrocketed
00:15:40.560 four years ago and we're not even to where we were before. So if we're going to look at it, we need to
00:15:45.920 tell the entire story. It's not just that the guy next to you got 20%. What we're after is long-term
00:15:53.540 consistent results through small, simple, and consistent actions. We need to be able to
00:16:02.140 exercise aggressive patience, knowing that we're doing the right thing, feeling confident in what
00:16:08.120 we're doing and letting the results play as they're going to play, letting the chips fall as they may,
00:16:13.840 so to speak. Guys, this is how we do it. But I, what I want you to know is that every time you talk
00:16:18.700 about balancing the dichotomy of content and ambition, or how do I be content, but also still
00:16:26.200 be ambitious, you're creating an unnecessary battle. You're battling with yourself. You're
00:16:31.820 saying that either I can be content and never have anything else I want to have in life, or I can have
00:16:38.160 everything I want in life and never be happy about it. I'm not interested in that kind of lifestyle.
00:16:43.780 You're not interested in that lifestyle. I want to be happy now. I want to be fulfilled now. I want
00:16:50.880 to be content with where I am in my life now. And I want to create future opportunities. And I know
00:16:58.060 those two concepts are not at odds with each other. In fact, they're complimentary. The more I can be
00:17:04.220 content, the more I can be fulfilled, the more I can be satisfied and grateful with what I currently
00:17:10.140 have, the more opportunities I will have in the future. This is the path, guys. And this is how you
00:17:16.860 balance, so to speak. And again, I don't like that term when we're talking about this, because it makes
00:17:21.400 it feel like they're at odds with each other. They're not. But this is how you practice both
00:17:25.560 contentment and ambition. I hope that serves you. I hope it helps. If it does, let me know. If you're
00:17:32.080 on YouTube, youtube.com slash order a man, drop a comment. Let me know what you think. If you have
00:17:37.300 other ideas, please share those with me. Also, share this episode with somebody else. If you know
00:17:43.080 an ambitious guy, share this with him. If you know somebody who's struggling with ambition or struggling
00:17:47.800 to accomplish what they want in life, share this with them. When we have access to resources that
00:17:52.620 serve us, we have a responsibility to share those resources with other men. Guys, I hope this helps
00:17:58.720 you. I'm here to serve. I'm here to help you guys. And I'm thank you. A lot of what I share and talk
00:18:04.500 about. I actually have to, I've got some notes here. I actually have to go through myself and
00:18:08.540 think about for myself, how does this apply to me? And it helps me be a better man too.
00:18:13.480 So hopefully I'm serving you, but I want you to know in the process, you are serving me. All right,
00:18:18.580 guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, let's go out there, take action, exercise, both contentment
00:18:25.000 and ambition, and become the men we are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:18:30.520 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
00:18:35.020 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.