Order of Man - The Difference Between a Boy and a Man, Eliminating Friction for New Habits, and Dealing with Resentment ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Hey, what's going on, man?

00:00:26.880 Not much. Ready for another AMA.

00:00:30.860 I think we're on, we're probably close to, what, 65, 70, somewhere in there?

00:00:38.240 Yeah.

00:00:38.720 Do you know?

00:00:39.760 Well, no, I don't know, because I have them numbered, but we confirmed like a few weeks

00:00:44.440 back, but the numbering was off. So if we're off one, then this is 64.

00:00:49.260 64. Yeah. Not only are you off on that, your internet is also off too, because it's cutting

00:00:56.140 in and out already. So is this going to be one of those shows? It's a little choppy. We'll see if

00:01:00.820 we can. Yeah. I'll just, I'll just mute you when we're done hearing from you or it's too choppy or

00:01:05.900 you're not saying anything worth talking about. I'll just mute you real quick and, and I'll just

00:01:10.120 riff for a while.

00:01:11.500 Yeah. Or I'll just sit here and just listen.

00:01:14.700 Yeah. Just sit there. Good. Kip. That's all. That's all we want you to do. Okay. I'll,

00:01:18.980 I'll be the brains of this operation and, uh, all right. Enough of that. All right.

00:01:25.520 We got a lot of questions today. I think we do. Do we have a Facebook questions or iron council

00:01:30.420 questions? We have a couple of guys from iron council, uh, and a few from Facebook. So a little

00:01:36.600 of both. I will say that, uh, our ask me anythings, which is this fielding questions from the Facebook

00:01:43.500 group and the iron council, um, well regarding downloads on the podcast. Um, but, uh, they are

00:01:50.640 also doing very well on your, on our YouTube channel. I almost said your YouTube channel,

00:01:54.720 our YouTube channel. It is my YouTube channel. Apparently man. She's it's our, one thing that

00:02:00.200 I try to be very aware of is I try not to say I, me, my, I'm very aware of that. Cause I used to have

00:02:08.120 trainers in the financial planning business. I would be sitting there with them, with my clients.

00:02:13.100 Like I would bring these people in to my clients and they would never use the terms us, we, our,

00:02:19.460 it was always I, me, my, I'm like, what the hell is wrong with you, man? Like I'm bringing you into

00:02:25.580 these things. Be inclusive. People are like, I've been guilty of it in the past, but I try to be very,

00:02:31.000 very aware of including people where they should and ought to be included. Just giving credit where

00:02:37.720 credit is due, but people are, well, it's either ego or some sort of like delusion or ignorance that

00:02:46.380 they don't even know they're doing it. And both are bad. Like you probably ought to address both of

00:02:50.140 them. So I, I, I try to avoid that my podcast or my channel, like this is our thing. We're doing

00:02:58.100 this, not only you and me, but the other hundreds of thousands of men who listen and who tap into us on

00:03:05.180 social media. This is a collective movement. Um, and I, I just want to make sure we acknowledge

00:03:09.920 that the guys listening are part of this just as much as you and I are part of this.

00:03:13.840 Yeah. And that's such far more empowering to have that conversation versus my, and even,

00:03:21.360 even people that might be tempted to do that at work where it's my team. I never say that either.

00:03:27.320 We've had this conversation in the past about in the iron council where guys would give me a crack,

00:03:34.560 you know, give me, give me crap for saying echo, echo this, echo that. Well, that was my way of 0.72

00:03:39.200 saying not my team, right? It's really disempowering. Yeah. It's a disempowering to your team at work

00:03:45.760 or an iron council or anywhere else to say, Oh, it's mine. No, it's ours. It's the team.

00:03:51.320 Um, and, and I think this is a good leadership. Yeah. I mean, it's just a great leadership

00:03:56.080 principle is include people. Now, when you screw it up, you take responsibility for that. Yeah. Guys,

00:04:02.460 I dropped the ball here and what, and, and it's interesting because sometimes people hear that

00:04:08.120 and they think, well, you got to be real. Like some, somebody else may have dropped the ball.

00:04:11.720 I found that more often than not, when I say, Hey, you know, I apologize. I dropped the ball. Here's

00:04:17.300 what I did. Here's where I messed up. Here's where I need to fix it. Your response is,

00:04:21.320 no, no, no, no, Ryan, I messed up. I dropped the ball here. And, and so now I'm just giving you

00:04:28.700 permission to accept ownership that it's okay that you messed up. It's okay that I screwed up.

00:04:34.440 Now, granted, if that doesn't get brought to attention, then as a leader, there might be some

00:04:39.400 things I need to do and say, but don't be so quick to pass it off on the team's fault. I mean,

00:04:45.160 as I think a lot of the times we have a tendency of, of taking credit when maybe,

00:04:51.320 it's not entirely all ours. And then dismissing failures is, Oh, my team dropped the ball.

00:04:58.700 Like you either take it all or, and that's not good or leave it all. Like you don't pick and

00:05:03.880 choose based on victories and losses. Totally. I was just telling my son this the other day,

00:05:09.980 a scenario came up and he was like, Oh, this, this is this person's fault. And I'm like,

00:05:14.520 possibly I go, but maybe you tell me, you tell me if you can grow with that mindset,

00:05:20.980 what would you improve if it's that guy's fault? And he's like, well, I wouldn't change anything.

00:05:24.820 I'm like, exactly. Now you figure out what you did wrong, but I didn't do nothing wrong.

00:05:29.580 Think about it because it's only in ownership that you can actually grow from something.

00:05:34.580 There is no growth in victimhood period. So even if it's, you know, and it's true,

00:05:40.180 I agree with you. Like if, if you take some ownership, other people will step up to the plate

00:05:44.200 as well. But there's an individual mindset that comes with saying, Hey, I could have fixed this

00:05:49.220 situation. And maybe from a boss perspective, it's providing better clarity and expectation to your

00:05:54.580 team or better communication or better preparation or something. But it's only in the space of seeing

00:06:01.400 what you could have improved that you will ever grow and do something better. Victimhood

00:06:07.340 leaves you as is. And, and, and not even to the degree of victimhood, let's just assume,

00:06:14.540 and I don't know what the scenario is, but let's just assume that somebody dropped the ball and in

00:06:20.580 your team and you felt like you did a solid job. Okay. Well, does that mean that you did a perfect job?

00:06:26.500 No. Does that mean that there's not one little instance or, or circumstance in which you couldn't

00:06:33.140 change your performance. But like you said, when you pawn it off on somebody else, you may not take,

00:06:39.120 be taking a victimhood route. You may just be closing yourself off to potential growth on top of,

00:06:44.960 maybe you are excellent. Maybe you did do an excellent job. Why wouldn't you want to get better?

00:06:51.200 Yeah. All right. Well, there's our intro guys. We're fielding questions. As you know,

00:06:56.560 at this point, hopefully a lot of new members listening to the podcast. We appreciate you being here.

00:07:01.280 We're glad you're here. We couldn't do it without you. That's for sure. Uh, we just have to listen

00:07:05.180 to each other's questions and that's not fun. Um, so yeah, let's get into it. Fielding questions

00:07:11.660 from the iron council and our Facebook group, by the way, uh, the iron council can be found at

00:07:17.040 order of man.com slash iron council. And the Facebook group is facebook.com slash groups slash

00:07:22.820 order of man. Check them both out. Excellent. So our first four questions come from the iron

00:07:29.000 council. Uh, question number one, Dan Strayla, what do you do or what have you done in the past

00:07:36.100 when you feel like you are constantly under the attack by negative thoughts and or depression?

00:07:42.100 Uh, I think, I think a lot of the times negative thoughts, potentially depression. Well, let's rule

00:07:47.480 out depression is some sort of, you know, mental illness or chronic, chronic depression. If that's the

00:07:53.060 case, you need to seek help. You need to get professional help. You need to have some counseling.

00:07:59.020 I would think that would go without saying, but inevitably when we talk about mental health issues

00:08:03.720 and depression and potentially suicidal thoughts, somebody says it. So the caveat here is that we're

00:08:09.200 talking, we're not talking about chronic depression. We're talking about instances, we'll call it a

00:08:14.840 depression and that's different, right? Everybody gets down. Everybody gets beats up, beats up on

00:08:20.060 themselves from time to time. So first and foremost, let's make that distinction. If it's chronic,

00:08:25.140 you probably ought to need to probably ought to see somebody, but outside of that, you can choose.

00:08:31.440 And that is the beauty of being conscience, conscious, sorry, conscience. I can't say that

00:08:38.100 conscious. The beauty of being conscious is that you can choose how you want to respond, how you want to

00:08:45.040 engage, how you want to behave, how you want to react. All of that is you're free to choose

00:08:50.060 how you're going to do that. So when you feel yourself getting down and dealing with negative

00:08:55.780 thoughts, choose to think of positive thoughts, choose to be an express gratitude for what you do

00:09:04.180 have. Another strategy that I've used is I get engaged and active in things that are meaningful and

00:09:10.420 significant to me. It is infinitely harder to feel down and bad about yourself when you are anxiously

00:09:18.540 engaged in a meaningful and purposeful calling, uh, or, or endeavor or task or project or whatever

00:09:25.680 the thing is. My mom and I said this in the, in past podcasts is when we were young, she'd always say

00:09:33.020 idle hands are the devil's workshop every time, all the time when we're just sitting around idle hands

00:09:37.260 are the devil's workshop. And I'd roll my eyes. I'm like, mom, man, she was right. Idle hands are

00:09:43.260 the devil's workshop, but they're also the workshop, if you will, for inner demons and negative self-talk

00:09:51.300 and self-doubt, but you can drown that out with activity. That's meaningful and engaging. So do that

00:09:56.400 pick, decide how you want to do that. There's one other thing that I think a lot of guys deal with,

00:10:01.780 with negative thoughts is, uh, the idea of, well, there's two, the comparison trap and fear of

00:10:10.040 missing out. I think those are very, very prevalent, even more so maybe than they ever

00:10:15.780 were with, because of social media. It's very easy to see what other people are doing and the

00:10:20.460 victories they're having and the vacations that are going on and the women they're dating and the

00:10:23.440 promotions they're securing and the hunts that they're doing. Like it's easy to see all of that.

00:10:27.320 It's so readily accessible and I fall, I fall prey to it. I fall prey to it quite often, actually.

00:10:34.620 And one of the things that I've started doing over the past, I would say month, maybe slightly longer

00:10:40.000 is if I feel like crap when I'm following somebody on social media, if I have any sort of negativity or

00:10:48.820 negative thoughts, I stopped following that individual. These are, these are, these individuals

00:10:53.400 aren't even negative. That's not even what I'm referring to. Most, a lot of these individuals

00:10:56.900 are positive. They're inspiring. They're motivating. I think highly of these people,

00:11:01.860 but for whatever reason, I fall prey to comparing myself to these individuals. It's not everybody.

00:11:08.420 It's just a select few comparing myself to these individuals and feeling, feeling crappy that I'm

00:11:15.480 not doing what they might be doing. So go ahead.

00:11:19.340 Yes. So it's really a compliment. If you get unfollowed by Ryan,

00:11:22.600 you could go either way. It could mean that I don't want anything to do with you because you're

00:11:28.080 a jerk, or it could mean that I really think highly of you and I want to be like you. So I got to stop 1.00

00:11:32.920 following you.

00:11:33.760 Yeah. Copy.

00:11:34.840 I'll let, I'll let you, I'll let the guys determine which camp they fall into.

00:11:39.620 Yeah. Let their own negative self-talk determine which, which scenario it is.

00:11:43.760 Yeah. That's right. So I've done that. I've unfollowed a bunch of people. I've muted other

00:11:47.900 people that I, that I, again, that I am inspired by because I was having negative thoughts when I

00:11:53.280 would, I would see their stuff and I don't want to feel like that. So I removed the negativity. I

00:11:58.820 removed all of that stuff, the temptation to compare myself to other people. I get engaged in

00:12:05.180 meaningful hobbies and activities. I surround myself with people that I have, that I like, that I

00:12:09.540 admire, respect that uplift me and that I get positive value from. And, uh, that's made a

00:12:13.860 world of difference for me.

00:12:15.320 Do you have some books that come to mind, Brian, not to put you on the spot, but.

00:12:19.640 No, I mean, not, not regarding negativity and negative self-talk. I mean, there's a lot of

00:12:24.240 great books, but I don't, I can't think of one that is specifically catered towards overcoming

00:12:30.000 negativity. I mean, there's, there's tons of books I can recommend, but I don't know that they

00:12:35.180 would, uh, actually I would say one as a man thinketh.

00:12:40.320 By James Allen. It's a classic. If you haven't read that book, that's on my top 10 of every books

00:12:45.140 that, that men need to read. So as a man thinketh by James Allen.

00:12:49.240 Yeah. Love it. All right. Bobby Javanick, Ryan, what do you do to get over resentment?

00:12:57.480 I went through some rough times last year that revealed lots of betrayal from so-called friends

00:13:01.820 and family. It's something that I don't want to carry around with me as unnecessary baggage.

00:13:07.340 Any tips or tactics on dealing with resentments? Thank you.

00:13:11.160 Yeah. When, when look like use, use it, use it, use it. I've been wronged in my life. I can't,

00:13:20.840 you know what? I can't even, I was thinking about this the other day. I don't know why I was thinking

00:13:23.820 about it. I think somebody was talking about forgiveness and I was like, I wonder if anybody's

00:13:26.940 wronged me to the point where like, I still feel bitter about it. And I couldn't think of an instance.

00:13:32.280 And I still can't think of one. When like be so consumed with improving your life, improving your

00:13:42.540 existing relationships, uh, gaining new skills, developing mastery, developing capacity,

00:13:48.100 reading a bunch of books, like being around people that you'd like just drown that out.

00:13:54.220 Drown all of it out. This goes back to the negative self-talk. Like you get to choose

00:13:58.880 your conscious. You can choose if you're going to be resent, resentful towards things. And look,

00:14:06.320 you may have been dealt a crappy hand. People may have, have cheated you and lied to you and steal,

00:14:13.340 stole from you and cheated on you and all kinds of things that says more about them than it does about

00:14:19.160 you. But what's done is done. So drown that out by winning. And I found that what I used to believe

00:14:28.280 when there was people that I was like resentful towards that I felt like had cheated me. I thought

00:14:33.580 that winning would help me get them back. Like I'll show them. And so my, my whole goal was like

00:14:40.200 winning is going to, I can shove it down their throat, right? Cause I'm winning. That's what I

00:14:44.280 used to think. But what I found out is that winning makes all of that other stuff irrelevant.

00:14:51.140 Yeah. You stopped caring about it. You stopped caring. It's indifference, right? We've heard

00:14:55.260 the adage that the opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. If you focus so heavily on

00:15:01.220 yourself, that will become just a little, a little thing in your mind that happened a long, long time

00:15:08.000 ago that just doesn't occupy space. Like there's, and that's why I can't think of anybody right off

00:15:13.200 hand. I can think of situations, but I can't think of any particular individual that I'm still

00:15:23.340 bitter about or resentful towards because I just don't care. I can have too much other stuff going

00:15:30.500 on. I'm helping other people. I'm doing work that's engaging to me. I'm trying to lock in my diet and my

00:15:36.460 exercise. I'm trying to get better at jujitsu. I'm trying to love my wife. I'm trying to be engaged

00:15:41.020 with my kids. I have no time, attention, or capacity for that. None. And that's a pretty

00:15:47.120 good position to be in. Yeah. I can speak to this specifically. There's multiple times in my life

00:15:52.900 where I had resentment towards someone almost to the extent of that same kind of mentality. I don't

00:15:58.500 know if you'd like use, I went dark, you know, like, Oh, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to show

00:16:03.900 this person wrong. I'm going to, you know, just surpass. It was all about them initially. And the

00:16:10.560 irony is through that process of, of trying to become a better person that no longer became an

00:16:16.580 issue for me anymore. Like I didn't care. And ironically enough is over time. Then I also

00:16:22.680 realized that some of that resentment that I had based upon their actions was based upon some

00:16:27.320 interpretation, you know, that, that they wronged me that, but that wasn't an intention of theirs.

00:16:33.180 And it was more of a by-product. And, and so thoughtfulness, empathy kind of came with time

00:16:38.840 as I focus on something greater than, you know, my hate towards them, if that makes sense or my

00:16:45.080 frustration with them. So it makes complete sense. I actually would use the term maturity.

00:16:50.480 You have just matured to the point where these little things that are potentially ticky tacky,

00:16:55.540 or maybe they're not, but these things just become irrelevant because you have evolved and matured

00:17:01.040 past them. Yeah. Now to give some practical advice here, and I know it sounds trite because we talk

00:17:06.880 about it all the time. This is why the battle plan is so important. And whether you use our battle

00:17:12.800 plan or some other system that you've created or somebody else has developed or whatever, I don't

00:17:18.580 care. Like Andy Frisilla has his, uh, uh, his power list. Cool. You know, great. I don't use that

00:17:26.000 because I have my own thing. I know, I know hundreds and hundreds of guys that use that and have a lot of

00:17:30.620 success. And I think that's great. So I don't care if it's the battle plan, but having a system in

00:17:34.960 place for getting things done that are meaningful and significant to you, and then being able to track

00:17:38.660 it, being able to analyze it and review it, and then go back to the drawing board and redo it as you

00:17:43.720 evolve and grow and mature. Like you had mentioned earlier, have a plan and work the plan and review

00:17:49.560 the plan. And I promise these little things out here are going to get less and less relevant in

00:17:54.680 your life. And at some point you're going to think about it and you're gonna be like, Oh, just like I did

00:17:59.820 just a couple of days ago. What I'd said is you, you will not be it's, I know it sounds crazy to

00:18:05.540 think about right now, but you will not be able to think about somebody who's hurt you wrong. Do you

00:18:09.340 damage you, et cetera, et cetera, or at least you won't care about it. Yeah. It's interesting how we

00:18:16.020 dive into some of these questions and then there's kind of like a theme or a kind of a mantra that kind

00:18:21.980 of carries across multiple questions. Um, one thing that I heard you say that I think is pretty,

00:18:27.360 pretty profound. And, and I, this was present to me when I read the last book by, uh, John Gary

00:18:33.560 Bishop, you had him on the podcast probably about a month or so ago. And I got his latest book and it

00:18:39.400 was really interesting because in that book, he talks about removing expectation and, and et cetera,

00:18:44.680 et cetera. And, and what was interesting about it is the ultimate resolve. If I had to summarize

00:18:51.440 was to find a bigger, more impactful, uh, problem to create a bigger problem, like something that

00:19:01.240 inspires and moves you like more or less create purpose in what you're doing was the ultimate,

00:19:06.360 like, yeah, all these things happen. And how do you deal with it? Guess what? They're going to keep

00:19:10.520 coming up. So how do you deal with it? You, you have a meaningful, purposeful life. And, and I've,

00:19:16.760 I heard this phrase once is like, everyone has problems. So you might as well choose yours.

00:19:21.980 And, and I love that mentality. And if I had to put that label on you, Ryan, I'd say the order of

00:19:27.260 man movement is the problem that you took on. You took on masculinity being demonized, right? And you

00:19:34.600 ran with it. And because that problem is so big, it transcends you and it transcends my new little

00:19:41.360 problems that might, or used to maybe be in your life that where you're like, that doesn't matter

00:19:45.740 anymore. I'm tackling something far greater than myself. And these things are just minor to me.

00:19:50.720 And I, and I like that concept of just going for something bigger and it really puts these other

00:19:55.780 things at play. Right. I mean, it's just, it's little, like when you have a goal and that thing

00:20:03.320 is, is way out there and you, and you're able to zoom out, let's take the stock market. For example,

00:20:11.000 here's a great example and a visual that you guys can see as a former financial advisor,

00:20:16.820 the best way to invest in a stock market is to do it over the longterm. When I say longterm,

00:20:22.280 I'm talking about 20, 30, 40 years. And if you were to zoom out of over a 40 year timeframe,

00:20:29.040 in fact, even 10 years, you're going to have a hard time finding a 10 year period in which

00:20:35.420 generally the stock market didn't perform well. And if you zoomed out 20 years or 30 years or 40

00:20:42.220 years, you'd see yourself down here. And then over that timeframe, you'd see yourself up here.

00:20:47.080 If you zoom out, if you zoom in to a one year period, it would be amazing that you could function

00:20:55.720 in life because it's all over the place, right? It's just up and down, rollercoaster down, up,

00:21:01.300 down, slam down, go up. And this is life, you know, from a day-to-day operation. Oh man,

00:21:07.480 I got laid off. I didn't pay my bills. You know, my mortgage company's calling and potentially my

00:21:13.300 wife left me. And then I have to deal with this medical thing. And then my kid gotten in trouble

00:21:17.160 at school. Like it's a miracle that any of us survive and operate on a daily basis.

00:21:22.140 But despite all of those things that could happen on any given day, if we zoom out,

00:21:27.020 billions, billions of people have gone through these experiences. And when you zoom out, you can

00:21:34.660 see that this is an individual who has a very successful life because place their emphasis

00:21:41.460 on the long game, the long-term, like you said, something grander and bigger than themselves,

00:21:45.460 like that stock market, the one year variables scare a lot of people out of the market. But if you

00:21:50.860 scale back 10, 20, 30, 40 years, there's not one individual who would look at that and say,

00:21:55.680 well, that's a bad investment. And yeah, we do that with, with our life all the time.

00:22:01.080 There's a quote, and I'm going to butcher it because I tend to do that with quotes

00:22:03.980 is that says something to the effect of you can, you tell a lot of by a lot about a person

00:22:12.520 by what bothers them. And I, and I'm not saying that whoever asked this question, I can't remember

00:22:19.420 his name. I'm not saying that what he's dealing with shouldn't bother him. I'm not saying that at all.

00:22:24.380 I'm just saying that he may have, you're on, I think you're on mute there, Kip, but what I'm

00:22:30.120 saying is that he, he needs to learn to elevate himself above that problem. Yeah. And when he does,

00:22:37.400 that will become less relevant. Yeah. And I was just making a comment, like what Bobby's dealing

00:22:41.480 with could be pretty profound, which no doubt, whether you don't want to like it or not. Yeah.

00:22:46.380 But whether you like it or not go for something bigger than that, bigger than problem, even if

00:22:51.360 it's a big problem. Yeah. That's why when guys talk about, Hey, my wife left and, and, and I've

00:22:56.780 got two kids. Like, what do, what do I do? Focus, brother, you got two kids focus. That's the issue.

00:23:05.260 Not your wife left you. You can, you can replace all that. I know it doesn't, may not seem like it,

00:23:10.640 but that's what you're in, but you can, you can fix all that. Kip, you're a great example of that.

00:23:15.060 You know, you, you, you have some situations where, you know, you, you didn't handle it

00:23:19.000 correctly. You've admitted as much and you've become a better human being. You've fixed that,

00:23:22.600 but man, you got kids, like you've got to focus on that. And that's, what's bigger than the other

00:23:27.080 issues it might be dealing with. Yeah. All right, let's move on. All right. Joel Garcia,

00:23:32.140 there seems to be a growing movement of political bullying against conservatives and Christian

00:23:37.880 folk being the order of man is based on traditional values. How do we best work with this situation,

00:23:43.700 especially at work? I just think you need to be a decent human being. And, and look at, I think I'll

00:23:54.360 say it this way. I think that the political bullying comes from the left, the majority of the time I do.

00:24:02.640 I'm trying to be objective about that, but I do believe it comes from the left,

00:24:05.620 but I believe, and I'm going to say this as, as succinctly as I can, that, that sometimes 0.99

00:24:14.200 conservatives are just act like little bitches. You know, it's like there was a post, for example, 0.99

00:24:21.780 the other day in the Facebook group of a guy that, that was hunting and he, he'd killed a deer

00:24:27.680 and 80%, maybe even 95% of the posts were like, Hey, good job. Well done. Way to learn a skill.

00:24:35.540 Way to develop, you know, way to provide for your family. And then there was like three to 5% of

00:24:40.620 the guys were like, Oh, how dare you hunt? How dare you? And, and the hunters lost their damn

00:24:45.340 minds. It's like, guys, one guy said, Oh, I, it's posts like this that want to make me leave the 0.99

00:24:52.740 group. And I, and I wrote back to him. I said, you know, I've gone through every comment on this

00:24:56.780 thread and there's like four guys who have a problem with this guy hunting out of hundreds.

00:25:02.360 And that's why you want to leave the group. Give me a break. So both sides of the aisle need to

00:25:10.100 exercise. Well, for first stop the bullying thing and stop the silencing. I don't, I don't like that

00:25:17.740 at all. And second, just exercise some mental toughness and a little emotional resiliency,

00:25:23.420 you know, just because some, some individual comes after you because they don't believe the

00:25:28.900 same way as you, you don't need to get defensive. You need to, you don't need to lose your mind or

00:25:34.600 lose focus on what's actually relevant and what's important, which is your business and your family

00:25:39.800 and your health and all the other things that we talk about. The other thing is like, I'm not going

00:25:46.880 to say you could win people over, but sometimes people are just angry. I had a guy in the Facebook

00:25:51.520 group today. I won't get into the details, but he basically just, he resorted to name calling.

00:25:59.100 That's what he did. He resorted to name calling to me. And I, I just basically said like, what's

00:26:05.540 with the anger, dude? Like I could have resorted to name calling back, but what's that going to solve?

00:26:12.040 And so I said, what, like, why are you so angry or something along those lines? And I haven't heard

00:26:18.020 back from him, right? It's because I'm not going to get sucked into that. I'm just not interested in

00:26:22.360 that. So instead I choose to be, I try to be a decent human being that, that thinks rationally

00:26:29.920 and clear headed and level headed. I mean, that's what we talk about. That's among the virtues that

00:26:35.340 we espouse within order of man. And yet a lot of these guys that follow order of man lose their shit 1.00

00:26:42.180 completely when somebody disagrees with them or says something, you know, maybe a little hurtful. 0.99

00:26:48.620 That's why I always get a kick out of these terms. Like he verbally attacked me. Like,

00:26:53.380 what does that even mean? He verbally assaulted me. What does that mean? What does you, you,

00:26:59.820 you never learned the term sticks and stones may break my bones, but never names will never hurt

00:27:03.860 or whatever. Words will never hurt me. Like, did you not learn that phrase when you were three?

00:27:09.960 And so these, you know, these tough, these big, tough guys, they're pretending to be that way.

00:27:15.720 And yet when somebody says something counter to what they believe, they just flip their lid. So

00:27:20.440 just my thought is, yes, I agree that there is some political bullying going on. So elevate yourself,

00:27:28.820 rise above it and don't get sucked into the mud.

00:27:31.380 And, and, and be an example of, of what that looks like for people years, probably two years ago,

00:27:38.980 there was a political post. I can't even remember what it was. I've learned not to do this by the way,

00:27:43.440 but at one point there was some political statement or something on, on Facebook.

00:27:47.860 I replied back, I was kind of going back and forth, sharing my opinion with someone. And this guy

00:27:54.820 kind of a straight out attack me, uh, you and all the typical conservative, blah, blah, blah, close my,

00:27:59.940 like just totally like went after me. And what was, but even that's not an attack, right? Yeah.

00:28:05.700 It's like, he doesn't agree with you. He's making stupid statements, but that's it. Period. 1.00

00:28:11.200 Like, but, but this is the part that I love. This is the part I loved is I had a bunch of people

00:28:15.920 replied back to him that are very left, uh, swinging politically and completely stood up for

00:28:24.160 me. Hey, although I may not agree with Kip's point of view, you misunderstand him. He's not

00:28:30.500 this kind of person. He's very open-minded. He'll have dialogue with like, I didn't even have to do

00:28:34.880 anything. I, and it was so rewarding to read these comments of people that see politics drastically

00:28:40.440 different than I do. Stand up for me because why I've set this example of like, when, when someone

00:28:46.600 disagrees with me, I joke, I don't freak out, right. That I have an open conversation with them

00:28:50.960 and, and that changes their viewpoint of what's possible. So let's be the example of what's

00:28:57.060 possible. Not, not the status quo that the society has accepted as being close-minded or,

00:29:02.760 you know, immediately bitching whenever someone disagrees with you about something. 1.00

00:29:06.660 Well, and it sounds like the people who stood up for you are intelligent and that's a distinction

00:29:10.980 that we need to make as well as that. I kind of fell into the trap for a long time because I was

00:29:15.920 listening to like Hannity and Rush and these guys, I would just get fired up. I'm like, anybody who

00:29:19.940 doesn't believe with me, like me as an idiot. And look, I mean, some of them are, but it's not because 0.99

00:29:27.300 they disagree with me, right? That's not what makes them an idiot. There's other things and other 1.00

00:29:32.100 factors at play, but there's highly intelligent individuals, highly rational people on both sides

00:29:40.240 of the political spectrum who are willing to engage in these conversations, in these discussions.

00:29:44.620 So let's not just assume that because you have the radicals and we'll just say the radical, well,

00:29:49.460 both the radical left, the radical, right, that just can't seem to function like a human being

00:29:54.920 that that automatically describes the entire left or the entire right. It certainly doesn't. And I

00:30:02.200 think the majority of people, regardless of what side of the aisle you sit on are probably closer

00:30:09.120 than the media and politics would have us believe.

00:30:13.740 Totally. And things are so much more complex than what everyone thinks they are. And the other thing

00:30:19.700 that I love it too, is no one knows half of us. All that we do is regurgitate information that we

00:30:26.580 got secondhand from someone else, right? Like most political issues. I'm not calling up that individual

00:30:32.100 and doing the necessary research and understanding the backstory and all the details. No, I get some

00:30:38.700 outlet. I grabbed that data and I go, okay, that's, that's what I'm going to believe now.

00:30:44.020 That's what I needed to take the same thing. And everyone's doing that same thing. I mean,

00:30:48.200 half of us don't even, we don't spend the investment and the time necessary, or even

00:30:51.880 probably even have the resources to truly understand the complexity of most things.

00:30:56.680 We just regurgitate what we've heard from different outlets. And, and I think that gives

00:31:00.800 me empathy. When I hear someone regurgitate something and whatever, I'm like, okay, you know,

00:31:05.660 I, I see what news you listen to and kind of how you see it, but I get that you're regurgitating

00:31:10.380 and I do the same thing. I do the same thing. Yeah. Okay. Politics, huh? All right. Brock,

00:31:17.600 Brock Rabin. If you could only give one piece of advice for an iron council noob,

00:31:24.340 what would it be? Follow the system.

00:31:28.360 That's it. Uh, we have a weird tendency to like, people say this all the time. Hey,

00:31:33.320 they qualify their questions to me. They'll say, what's one that I got? I got one yesterday.

00:31:39.820 Uh, I can't even remember what it was. I had so many questions I was doing and asking me anything

00:31:43.940 over the Facebook group. And the guy said something to the effect of, you know, besides this advice

00:31:48.420 that you'd probably give, like, what's one other thing? I'm like, dude, I, I already gave you the

00:31:54.860 thing. And basically what you're saying is that's not good enough. Right. He's like that. I don't

00:32:00.640 like that. What else you got? It's like, well, why are you asking questions? So I'm not placing

00:32:06.020 the guy who asked this question. I'm just saying, just follow the system. And I know that's not a sexy

00:32:11.280 answer. I know that's not maybe what you wanted to hear. You've got the quick start. When you join,

00:32:15.360 you get a quick start, go through the seven steps to the T boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

00:32:19.700 Just follow the system. That's why it works. Go through the seven steps, get yourself on a battle

00:32:24.780 team, engage with your battle team members, do your battle plan, track your metrics on a daily basis,

00:32:31.620 engage with the iron council members and the guys on your team. And you're going to be successful.

00:32:37.280 Cool. Yeah. The end. Could I add one thing? No, I'm going to add it anyway. Unless you mute me.

00:32:45.960 Mute. I'll be like, I'll mute it. And then I'll, and then I'll hit play. Thanks, Kip. Appreciate it.

00:32:52.560 So you think everybody actually heard it.

00:32:58.000 Experiment in the iron council. If you're shy and you don't like that, don't be shy in the iron

00:33:03.800 council. Yeah. Good call. If you're timid, don't be timid in the iron council. Like it's a perfect

00:33:08.260 playground to try to reinvent yourself. If you want to be more, not abrasive, but more aggressive in

00:33:14.800 your communication, do it in our council. Assertive. There you go. One of the eight skill sets in which

00:33:21.540 all men should learn. That's right. Do you, did you move around when you were a kid, Kip at all?

00:33:26.180 I did a lot. I moved around a little bit and I remember moving to Southern Utah from Southern

00:33:34.160 California. I moved there when I was, I was 13, 14 years old. And the school that I would have went

00:33:41.720 to in California had more kids in the school than the entire population of the town. I moved to

00:33:46.440 Parowan, Utah, more kids in the high school, the entire population. I remember moving there one day,

00:33:52.760 maybe the first, I don't know, couple of months there. I, we lived in a, I lived in a house of,

00:33:58.260 I was in the second story on, on a main road that went up, uh, Brian Head Canyon, which I'm sure you're

00:34:03.880 well aware of. So I'm, I'm, I'm sleeping. It must've been, I don't know, four or 5 AM. And I hear this

00:34:11.400 just really strange noise. I'm like, what in the world is that noise? And I look out the window onto this

00:34:19.460 road and there's cowboys with cows walking down. There must've been hundreds of cows and cowboys,

00:34:29.140 like real cowboys with cows. I, like I was so blown away. I was like, where in the world did we move?

00:34:37.900 It was such a weird phenomenon coming from Southern Utah or excuse me, Southern California to Southern

00:34:42.800 Utah. Anyways, I'm, I'm digressing here. So I got, uh, when I moved there, I was, I was cool when I moved

00:34:52.500 there because I was like the, the skater slash surfer kid from Southern California. I have long hair.

00:35:02.180 Like I was cool there until people got to know me. But initially when I was there, I was, I was cool.

00:35:07.980 Okay. Now let me tie this together and tell you why I'm saying this. Nobody knows who you are. When

00:35:13.660 you join the iron council, nobody has any preconceived notions. Nobody has any prejudgments

00:35:21.560 about who you are and where you came from and what you're all about. Nobody knows you.

00:35:27.960 That's a beautiful thing because what that means, because when I moved to Southern Utah,

00:35:33.120 I played that up a little bit, right? Cause I, cause that helped me with the ladies and it helped me 0.56

00:35:37.680 with friends. Like I played that up because nobody knew that I wasn't really cool. When you join the

00:35:44.540 iron council, nobody knows you're shy. Nobody knows you're timid. Nobody knows that you have

00:35:51.500 self-esteem issues. Nobody knows about the bankruptcy that you went through. Nobody knows about the issues

00:35:58.380 you've had with your wife. Nobody knows about your alcohol abuse. Nobody knows. So you get to start

00:36:04.400 over. I'm not saying you should ignore those things, but I'm saying that this is a chance to

00:36:09.180 create a new version of yourself. That's it. A better, more improved, more mature, more capable

00:36:16.100 version of yourself. I'm not saying you get to wipe the slate clean. We don't have those opportunities

00:36:20.660 in life. You got to take what you've created for yourself, 30, 40, 50 years of what you've created in

00:36:27.880 your life and what has been created for you in a lot of ways too. You've got to take that with you.

00:36:33.220 But in a way you have this opportunity, whether you join the iron council or start a new job or move

00:36:39.100 to a new area to create the version of yourself that you want to be. And that's not disingenuous

00:36:44.820 by the way, because you were not playing this fake it till you make it thing. We're just talking about

00:36:49.780 behaving in a manner consistent with the version that you have, the vision of the version you have for

00:36:55.420 yourself. That's the only way to improve is to think about how you want to be better and then be

00:37:02.300 that way. So there you go. Awesome. Ellis Lloyd Williams, not really a question, but I'd be

00:37:11.540 interested to hear both of your opinions on how to tell the difference between giving up and quitting

00:37:16.460 while you're ahead. That's a great, that is a question. Yeah. What's the difference?

00:37:20.920 Um, well, I think in your heart, you know,

00:37:27.800 gut check. I actually don't. Okay. Let me, let me make sure I hear this correctly. What's the

00:37:32.900 difference between giving up quitting? What was the terms quitting and tell me what the term.

00:37:39.800 Yeah. Giving up and quitting while you're ahead. I don't like either of those terms.

00:37:44.640 I'm either. I was thinking like, I think I'd use different verbiage, but I've had conversations

00:37:50.340 with people about, I specifically remember in particular about, uh, uh, I don't know why I

00:37:57.060 remember this. Somebody when Brett Favre retired or, or some, I can't even remember. I don't even,

00:38:02.000 I don't watch football that much. So it was somebody, a quarterback who was really good.

00:38:05.580 And they said, Oh, he's just, you know, he's quitting while he's ahead. I'm like, no, no,

00:38:10.020 he's not. Competitors don't quit while they're ahead. Like world-class competitors don't quit

00:38:15.480 while they're ahead. Why? Because they're competitors. They want to win forever. They

00:38:19.760 want to dominate forever. Now they can't because there's some physical limitations and things like

00:38:23.800 that, that occur, but, or, and new people will get better and improve and things like that. But

00:38:28.460 why would you quit while you're ahead? I just want to get further ahead.

00:38:33.680 What word would you use instead of quitting while you're ahead?

00:38:36.900 Um, I would say what's the difference between quitting and I don't know if I would use another

00:38:45.660 word. Cause I can't imagine like stopping. See, I would just, I call that pivoting,

00:38:51.100 you know, things evolve, things change, you pivot. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I would use

00:38:58.440 pivoting or evolving for quitting while you're ahead. Yeah. So how about giving up though? So

00:39:03.720 how, what's the difference between those two and between, well, maybe quitting and then evolving.

00:39:09.740 Yeah. Gut check. When, when things are no longer meaningful to you, when you're indifferent,

00:39:17.220 that's probably a position where you ought to pivot. I was going to say quit, but I like your term

00:39:22.380 better. Like if you're, if you're pursuing something, a great example is the financial planning

00:39:27.220 practice. I was, I was good, man. I was really good as a financial advisor. I cared about my

00:39:32.380 clients. Uh, I, I stayed well-versed and researched on products and portfolios. Um, I enjoyed the

00:39:40.160 opportunity to help people with their retirement planning. Like I, I really enjoyed it for a long

00:39:45.360 time. And then there came a point where I was like, this is miserable. Every time a client would

00:39:52.220 call me, I would, I would dread it. Oh, I need to call and change my portfolio. And inside, I'm like,

00:39:58.240 Oh, I do not want to do this. And that's the point where I realized it's time for a pivot.

00:40:07.420 That's not throwing in the towel. I mean, technically, maybe technically, technically,

00:40:12.920 maybe you're quitting, but that word has a negative connotation to it. And evolution isn't negative.

00:40:19.400 Yeah. So what did I evolve into this? When you're listening to it right now, if I wouldn't have

00:40:26.940 quote unquote quit, we wouldn't be listening to this podcast. I wouldn't be living here. My family

00:40:32.100 dynamic wouldn't be nearly what it is right now. You and I can't, we probably wouldn't have our,

00:40:36.340 our friendship and our relationship. It's, it's okay to, to use your term. It's okay to pivot and

00:40:43.240 evolve. In fact, you should do that. The quote is no man steps in the same river twice for he is not

00:40:48.700 the man. And he is not the same man. And it is not the same river. If you're doing the same thing

00:40:54.560 over and over again, and you're the same guy that you were 10 years ago, you have missed the bus,

00:41:00.780 my friend. Yeah. Like you, you, you've just fallen into complacency and you know what? There is no

00:41:07.540 homeostasis. There's no point where things are just perfect and you're just going to coast indefinitely,

00:41:14.600 and you're never going to need to pivot or change. You might be falling ahead, falling behind and you

00:41:19.160 don't even realize why. Maybe it's because you have bought into the idea that you can't ever quit

00:41:24.620 and that's dangerous. But I think the distinction between the two words is, I think that's an

00:41:31.320 important distinction. I hope I addressed it. Let me ask you this question, Ryan, what if,

00:41:38.040 and I'm just going to use a workout as an example, just to make this simple, you know,

00:41:42.800 I'm going to the gym and I'm going, I don't want to do this. How much of that is at,

00:41:47.820 where do you draw that line of, uh, sticking and being disciplined to your vision and the purpose

00:41:55.420 and the grind, right. To get somewhere greater versus all. And, and, and the difference between

00:42:01.780 that motivation, like a lack of motivation and discipline, and I'm not inspired to do this anymore.

00:42:08.860 Like those seem gray. I think for some people, what distinctions would you make there?

00:42:15.200 Yeah. It just goes back to why you're doing it. The greater, the greater purpose. I mean,

00:42:22.380 that's right. So for example, this morning, uh, I, let me back up over the past four days. My wife has

00:42:32.480 had five of her girlfriends here from Southern Utah out to Maine. They're doing their thing,

00:42:36.920 having a great time for the weekend. So I've had the kids on my own for since, uh, Friday. So

00:42:42.820 Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and yesterday, Monday. Um, I got backed up on work, like really backed up

00:42:48.980 specifically on emails. So I get into the, into the office, my office this morning and I look at my

00:42:54.760 emails and I've got over a hundred emails. Do you think in my mind, I was like, Oh man, I'm really

00:43:00.600 excited about getting to all these emails. I get so motivated to get to these emails and answer

00:43:05.700 everybody that wants to pull on me for their attention. Of course not. Did I do it? You bet.

00:43:10.960 I think I've got eight now, maybe 15 based on how long a call has been. I've got eight to 15 emails

00:43:17.640 in my inbox out of a hundred plus emails. I didn't want to do it. So why did I do it? Because I know

00:43:24.180 it needs to be done and it moves me towards where I'm trying to go. I'm still motivated. I'm still

00:43:31.260 inspired by the vision, the work, the movement that what we're doing here. Yeah. So I do think

00:43:39.500 things that I don't want to do because I realized that's what needs to be done. Now, if I wasn't

00:43:44.380 inspired by the mission and the purpose and the cause, and then I get there and there's all these

00:43:49.400 emails about it. Yeah. Probably time to at least consider moving on and evolving in some way,

00:43:56.240 but I'm not there yet. And same thing with working out. I don't want to work out every day. This

00:44:01.620 morning when I woke up, I woke up at five o'clock this morning, I texted my, uh, jujitsu training

00:44:06.740 partner. And I'm like, Hey dude, are you going, you still plan on going in this morning? I was hoping,

00:44:12.240 you're hoping you would say no. I was like, please say no, please say no, please say no.

00:44:17.760 Two minutes later, get an email back. Yep. I'll see you there. Shit.

00:44:21.220 So I got changed, went to the gym, we trained. It's a great training session. Not my best, but good. 1.00

00:44:31.200 I didn't want to do it, but I realized it's good for me. And I realized it moves the needle and gets

00:44:36.320 me in the right direction and gets my day started off. Right. And so there I was because there's still

00:44:42.660 value in it to me, even though the activity may not be in the moment, something I want to necessarily

00:44:46.680 engage in. Copy. Justin Finney, how does one deal with an untrustworthy person? I work as an engineer

00:44:55.700 with the small team in which we all need to count on one another. Currently I have a team member that

00:45:00.520 has been attempting to backdoor fellow coworkers and actively tries to get members in trouble

00:45:06.920 with the company, or at least make them look incompetent. He has been with the company a long

00:45:12.760 time. So even with issues with him are brought up, they are usually shrugged off. I have distanced

00:45:18.260 myself from this individual as well as learn to choose what I say wisely around him. But I just want

00:45:23.960 to make some ideas on how to move past this each day since we work close proximity and the environment

00:45:29.940 he creates makes us uneasy daily. Yeah. I think he's handling it correctly by distancing himself and

00:45:36.480 being careful. That's, that's something that's very, very important that you would do. Um, I would

00:45:42.200 also say maybe there's an opportunity to make this guy an ally that you've overlooked. I don't, I don't

00:45:47.000 know, but there might be some opportunities where you can actually get this guy on your side and he

00:45:51.680 becomes an ally for you and stops throwing you specifically maybe under the bus. So what does that

00:45:57.580 look like by helping the guy win? If he wins, you win, you know, maybe he's driven by ego. And if you

00:46:02.940 know that then, okay, well maybe feed it a little bit and then you get the mission done and everything's

00:46:09.280 well. And then guess what? You're recognized as the guy that can work well with John when nobody else

00:46:13.180 can. Yeah. And do you end up protecting your team by making this guy an ally? You do that'll help the

00:46:20.920 other team members. So you removing yourself entirely from circumstance leads them out to dry with the,

00:46:27.960 with the wrath of the back door dude. Right. Uh, the other thing that you could do, I don't know,

00:46:34.420 like the authority and the hierarchy of how this works in this dynamic necessarily, but let's say

00:46:39.040 you are responsible to some capacity of handing out assignments and making sure that all of this gets

00:46:43.360 done. Uh, you could just distract him. And what I mean by that is just give them things that are,

00:46:51.520 have to get done, but maybe you're a trivial or just non integral to the mission itself. So he doesn't

00:46:56.700 have a whole lot of inner workings into all the other little nuances that need to be dealt with

00:47:02.260 that are more pressing. That's one thought. Um, I would also, if that's not you, then play the game,

00:47:10.400 the politics. So I would make whoever that responsibility is, I would make him my ally.

00:47:16.020 Right. So Kip, if you and I are working and you're the supervisor and you're responsible for handing out

00:47:20.500 assignments and making sure that the job is done completely, and I'm on the same level level as this

00:47:25.180 other guy, then I don't want him to be an ally to you at the expense of me. I want to be your ally.

00:47:32.600 Yeah. So what can I do to help you win? Because now as you're divvying out assignments and worrying

00:47:37.600 about things and this other guy comes to you and says, Hey, Ryan guy, you're like, what is this guy

00:47:41.780 talking about? Like you need to be so good at your job that nobody would believe anything to the

00:47:46.700 counter. Yeah. Because now I'm your ally, you and I are close. And so when this guy comes over and

00:47:53.820 says, Hey, Ryan's doing a crappy job, you're like, okay, got it. And now you recognize him as the rat 0.97

00:47:58.620 because you know how I really handle my business. Yeah. There's some, there's, those are different

00:48:04.820 strategies based on the dynamic, but I think maybe some of those will help. Totally. I think there's

00:48:10.860 some strategy around the after action review as part of the work that you're doing. So let me give

00:48:16.520 you guys an example. When we complete a project with a client, we do an after action review.

00:48:22.100 Thanks to you, Ryan and the iron council, by the way, this is worked itself into my job.

00:48:27.960 So we do a review of the project. What went well, what did not work well? What do we need to continue

00:48:33.220 doing? Exactly. Etc. Everybody that was involved in that project has input on that. So in that

00:48:41.220 scenario, if someone's going to throw someone else on the, under the bus in regards to that project,

00:48:45.740 I would hear it during the after action review and I'm okay accepting it, but guess what? I'm also

00:48:51.480 going to do, I'm going to ask the other team member, what was your take on this? How did it go?

00:48:56.560 And I'm getting his input and we're all, it's all out on the table. Does it make sense? And the

00:49:01.920 communication is clear. That's going to add some pressure on guys to be clear and succinct and

00:49:06.600 kind of be able to back up their comments because I'm going to dig into them. Like, well, what do you

00:49:12.320 mean? Like what happened specifically? And in the same token, I'm going to hear the other guy's point of

00:49:16.920 view as part of the after action view that creates an environment of transparency. And what I really

00:49:22.100 have loved about this is it allows us for extreme ownership because what has happened over the past

00:49:27.760 few months is when I get on there and then something will come up, yeah, we could have improved in that

00:49:32.340 area. And then I hear a guy go, yeah, that's on me. I think I could have done this. And then what do I

00:49:37.140 hear the next guy say? No, not entirely. I, you know, I could have done this as well. And I'm

00:49:41.400 thinking, Oh, I love this. This is perfect because now we're all in a space of growth. And so just

00:49:48.500 another strategy to kind of help nullify the poor communication, put it on the table and let everyone

00:49:53.980 actually communicate clearly after action review. That or set up a boxing ring at the, uh, at the office

00:50:02.440 and say, whoever wins wins ready. Yeah. Or mats, just get some mats out, get some mats. Let's get

00:50:08.780 this aggression out. Yeah. It'd be like uprising. All right. Go after each other. I actually do. I

00:50:14.760 actually do like that idea. I like that idea a lot. It's probably too much liability there though.

00:50:19.920 Unfortunately, unfortunately. All right. Phil Reese weaklings. I'd be curious to hear your ideas on

00:50:27.200 consumerism and the effect it has on men. Oh man. Consumer is a plague. You what? I don't think

00:50:35.580 we've ever had this question. No, I don't think I actually addressed that this morning. I think it's

00:50:40.620 on YouTube. Yeah. I put a video on YouTube about, uh, what did I call it? Um, the process of elimination.

00:50:48.040 Okay. So utilizing. Yeah. Like something along the lines of like utilizing utilization or elimination to,

00:50:55.540 um, to, to achieve more, something along those lines. That's that actually ties in nicely to what

00:51:02.040 he's talking about because consumerism is an issue. I mean, it is, it is absolutely ridiculous. We've 0.98

00:51:07.640 consumed ourselves. My wife and I were having this conversation just yesterday when we were talking

00:51:11.460 about having the house, which is bigger than we had before and having all the land. And although it's

00:51:16.480 very nice, like in many ways, it's like an additional little handcuff to what we're doing. Right. I've got

00:51:21.080 all these, these tools, like we have the zero turn mower and we have the tractor. And I'm like,

00:51:25.340 man, these are nice tools to have, except for you have to take them into the shop and get them

00:51:29.420 serviced and spend money on them and buy fuel for them. And so every time that we consume,

00:51:34.800 we tie ourselves to that consumption. Think about it on the context of food. Like if you over consume

00:51:42.140 food or the wrong types of food, you tie yourself to the consequence of that, that, that, uh,

00:51:47.400 consumption, right? You're going to get fatter essentially, and you're going to be out of

00:51:51.800 shape. And eventually if it gets bad enough, you might even contract some medical condition or

00:51:55.800 illness like diabetes, right? So what you're doing is every time you consume, you can't separate the

00:52:01.560 consumption from the, the result of the consumption. Now, sometimes it makes sense because you have to

00:52:08.700 look at it from my financial advisor side talking, you have to look at it like a, like a cost benefit

00:52:13.940 analysis, right? So if I look at, for example, my computer, that was a consumptive purchase,

00:52:20.040 right? I consumed and they bought something else to have and consume and own, but the cost of

00:52:27.140 ownership, which is getting internet for it and, you know, and the price tag on it. And then if

00:52:33.300 something goes wrong with it, and then I have to get the, the, uh, antivirus software and all that

00:52:38.580 kind of stuff, right? That's the cost assumption and the energy, just the energy of owning something

00:52:45.300 eats up, right? There's a cost learning, you know, because I got a Mac, like learning the new

00:52:49.840 keys and learning the new system, right? So I went from PC to Mac. I know that's maybe a little

00:52:54.600 taboo in your world, but people making fun of you for owning a Mac and their social consequences.

00:53:00.180 Exactly. Exactly. So those are the costs. Now the benefit is we get to do a podcast and we put it out

00:53:09.140 to hundreds of thousands and millions of people across the planet. They're impacted by the work

00:53:14.460 we're doing. I find me meaning and value in that. Uh, I get to send emails to friends and business

00:53:21.420 partnerships and people that I care about. So that's, that's the benefit. So cost benefit analysis,

00:53:27.840 but I think when it comes to consumerism, you should get, this is a personal preference.

00:53:35.480 You should get the bare minimum needed to fulfill the job requirement. This is why I'm not a car guy

00:53:44.960 is I just don't care about cars. If I bought a $250,000 Lamborghini and I don't, if that's what,

00:53:53.140 I don't even know if that's what, let's just say that's the cost of them versus a $40,000 truck.

00:53:59.420 I think I bought my truck for 35 grand. Like they both go 70 miles an hour on the freeway. Like I

00:54:06.240 can't go faster on the freeway unless I'm in Utah and then I can go 80, maybe 90. If I'm willing to

00:54:12.420 push it, you're not going to go any faster, whether you do it in a Lamborghini or a five-year-old GMC,

00:54:18.620 a three quarter ton. Yeah. So to me, no brainer. Now I'm not saying you shouldn't buy a car. A good

00:54:26.340 friend of mine, Andy Frisilla, he loves cars. The cost benefit analysis for him works out.

00:54:33.240 I look at it and say, that doesn't work for me. I can spend money here and here and here and do that

00:54:37.060 there and consume in these other ways that is much more meaningful to me. And you know what? Neither

00:54:41.000 of us are wrong. It's just whatever you're willing to do. So, but that said, over consumption is an

00:54:47.960 issue. Yeah. I really an issue because most people don't think about the cost associated with

00:54:52.680 consumption. Yeah. And it's also one other thing too. Sorry, I keep interrupting you. No,

00:54:57.700 you're fine. It's the difference between a boy and a man. So think about this. A boy

00:55:06.240 consumes more than he produces. Period. My 11 year old, my eight year old, my three year old,

00:55:15.700 they, they cost money. I have to buy them clothes. I have to feed them. They break things around

00:55:21.820 the house. I have to keep them somewhat comfortable when it comes to temperature. So we need to warm

00:55:26.840 the house. Like they they're expensive and they're not adding anything. I should, I'm trying to word

00:55:36.040 this in the right way. It's not that they're not adding anything. It's that they're not producing

00:55:39.960 value that offsets that cost in a way, if that makes sense. Right now, flip it around. A man

00:55:49.140 produces more than he consumes. I, I have abundance. Therefore I can serve myself and other people

00:55:56.180 because if I didn't have abundance, I couldn't serve men of the iron council. I couldn't serve

00:56:01.500 my kids. I couldn't serve my wife. If I wasn't abundant in, in some resource, whether that's time,

00:56:08.380 attention, energy, money. So a man naturally produces more than he consumes a child, a boy,

00:56:17.980 on the other hand, consumes more than he produces. I love that time for a family home evening about

00:56:27.440 consumption and producing, I think in the source household. I mean, that's, I even think about it

00:56:34.320 with money. Like the major problem with one of the major problems with marriages is financial issues. 1.00

00:56:40.920 And one of the biggest problems with finances, personal finances is people over consume. They

00:56:46.540 spend more than they make, which is why they have 10, 20, 40, 50, a hundred thousand dollars worth of,

00:56:52.360 uh, with, uh, personal debt that are over consuming. That's a problem because there's a huge cost that

00:56:58.880 comes with it. Five, 10, 20% interest, not to mention the stress and the agony of knowing you've

00:57:07.000 got this thing hanging over your head and how effective can you be? If all you're thinking

00:57:12.800 about is paying your mortgage and you know, you can't make your mortgage. You're not going to be

00:57:16.760 as effective with your wife or your kids, not nearly effective as at work because you're stressed

00:57:20.840 out. Yeah. And your abundance of pres being present to them is affected because the cost of that

00:57:28.040 is eating up mental capacity and stress and all kinds of other stuff. Right. They, um, just to

00:57:35.900 share, right. Listening to you, what I, what's, what's present for me is having that conversation

00:57:41.720 with my boys about the importance of what it looks like from boy to man in the space of consumption,

00:57:48.460 um, and producing. And as, as they get older, we're creating these environments for them to produce

00:57:56.440 more. So they start understanding that like, I need to pull my weight. And because ultimately to

00:58:02.460 your point is you can't serve anybody if you don't have, uh, if you're not producing anything and

00:58:08.300 you're consuming more than you produce. And so I like that dialogue having with the, with a young

00:58:13.940 man, the, about the importance of taking on more responsibility and providing more value to the

00:58:18.680 family, whether it's, you know, doing chores or, you know what I mean? Pulling their own weight,

00:58:22.580 uh, in the environment or paying for their own gas and their own vehicle and those kinds of things.

00:58:26.180 So I really liked that. The, the one thing I was going to add is before you interrupted me,

00:58:30.580 like, like four times, I think. Yeah. I'm about to interrupt you again. Hold on one second. Cause

00:58:36.260 let me share this. I'm just kidding. Go ahead. Uh, essentialism. I do have something to share.

00:58:40.960 I'll share it. Okay. Essentialism by Greg McEwen. I think this is a really good book in this space.

00:58:46.440 It, it little, it leans in the direction a little bit more about your energy and how having a lot of

00:58:53.580 things eats up a lot of time and resources. And that more is kind of less is, is kind of his tagline.

00:58:59.660 Uh, but it's a really good resource for, for this conversation. Absolutely. And Greg's actually

00:59:04.940 been on the podcast, so you can check that out as well. Yeah. By the way, if I reference a book,

00:59:09.640 it's a given that he's been on the podcast. Cause it's kind of like, I think I've told you this.

00:59:13.780 The podcast is my, is my Amazon book shopping list typically. So that's funny.

00:59:19.620 Somebody had posted something on YouTube and they said, I love this. I both love this video and hate

00:59:24.780 it. I love it. And that the information is going to give a lot of resources. I hate it. And that I

00:59:28.140 need to go buy five, buy five new books. Yeah, that's true. But books are way cheaper than

00:59:32.940 everything else. So yeah, for sure. Well, and not only that cost benefit analysis, right? You're

00:59:37.920 consuming, right? It's a consumption process. So now you have more books on the bookshelf that you need

00:59:42.620 space for and everything else and time to read it and whatnot. But the idea is that it'll produce

00:59:47.080 more than it consumes. Yeah. Um, what was I going to say? I was going to say, uh, Oh yeah. So what I

00:59:55.800 was going to share is that basically we're, we're, we should be leveraging. That's what men should be 0.99

01:00:01.960 working on is how do we leverage ourselves? Right? So for example, if you're making a hundred dollars an

01:00:07.620 hour, you should be constantly figuring out how to be able to make $200 an hour through the leverage

01:00:13.260 of your time, energy, attention, your time should be worth more because you know more, you should be

01:00:17.940 able to hire somebody to do the menial tasks. So you don't have to do it. So you can focus on the

01:00:21.240 high value tasks, but we should always, always be leveraging. And when a boy learns how to leverage,

01:00:26.960 that's when he's starting to transition over to man. Cause one, one unit equals one unit when you're a

01:00:33.000 boy, right? One unit of energy or consumption. But when you're a man, one unit equals two or three

01:00:38.780 or four or five, because you know how to use the tools effectively. So there's a great quote

01:00:42.960 by a Thomas Carlyle and I pulled it up. So I wouldn't butcher it. He says, man is a tool using

01:00:48.880 animal without tools. He is nothing with tools. He is all. So that's what separates us as men. Now

01:00:56.380 in the context of tools, we might be thinking about, you know, like actual tools, but it could be

01:01:02.180 books. It could be computer programs. It could be specialized information that you have access to

01:01:09.180 or that you don't. These are the tools at your disposal in order to leverage yourself. And as

01:01:13.880 Thomas Carlyle says, become all through the use of that leverage. Which by the way, also makes you a

01:01:22.120 better jujitsu tacticianer. Just thought I'd throw that in there. Leverage. Leverage. All right.

01:01:28.820 All right. Shane Hill. I'm a public high school woodshop teacher in a title one school. What are

01:01:34.440 some bite-sized lessons you would teach to the fatherless masses? Accountability.

01:01:42.680 Accountability. To yourself or to themselves. To themselves. Personal. I should say personal

01:01:50.480 accountability. Because I think that is something that men are good teachers of. Attaching consequence

01:01:57.900 to actions. Right? And if we don't ever learn how to do that, then we think life is consequence free.

01:02:05.120 Which is bad on both sides of the thing. Right? If you don't, if you don't think there's consequences

01:02:10.380 for your actions, let's take both sides of it. If you don't think there's consequences for negative

01:02:14.660 actions, you're going to do more dumb shit. Yeah. If you don't think there's positive beneficial 1.00

01:02:21.120 consequences for doing positive beneficial work, you're not going to do positive beneficial work

01:02:26.840 because it requires effort. And why would you do that if there's no reward? So we have to teach our

01:02:34.280 boys accountability by tying the consequence. And I think men are generally better at this.

01:02:40.540 Right? Think about it from this context. You're a five-year-old. He's learning how to ride his bike.

01:02:47.500 And he's riding down the thing. And you're pushing him on the back. And you let go. Mom's out there

01:02:53.000 cheering him on. You're out there cheering him on. He hits the stop sign. False consequence to that.

01:03:00.260 Or at least the consequence is not really going to serve that child in life because nobody in life is

01:03:07.480 going to come rescue you. Dad, however, says, yeah, that probably hurts. Maybe next time don't run into

01:03:14.020 the stop sign by doing it this way. And then he teaches the kid that there's pain when you run

01:03:19.960 into the stop sign. There's pain when you don't do it correctly. So stop doing it incorrectly.

01:03:25.800 That's a man's job. That's a man's work. So if you're in an environment where you have an 1.00

01:03:31.100 opportunity to teach these boys who don't have father figures in their home, you probably ought to start

01:03:35.720 teaching them the value of attaching consequence to action. The default thing that most dads do

01:03:42.440 from a very natural perspective obviously would be missing in fatherless homes. I love that because

01:03:50.400 sometimes I've always wondered if that was a me thing or if that's a guy thing. And it's really

01:03:57.220 interesting because I'm sure you could come up with story after story between you and your wife about

01:04:03.620 accountability versus baby. And man, it's nuts. I can't count how many times like Kiave used to 0.82

01:04:09.660 struggle with getting up for school. She would run down there, wake him up, yell at him, you know,

01:04:13.980 get up here. You're going to be late. You're going to miss a bus or whatever. And then me on the other

01:04:18.220 hand is like, I'm not going to wake him up. What if he misses a bus? He's going to have to walk to

01:04:23.580 the middle school, which is like two miles away. It's just like our natural tendency is hers is to

01:04:30.140 wake him up and help him. Mine is like, let him, let him flander. And it's only going to take like

01:04:36.860 three times walking in the wintertime for him to go, yeah, I better get my ass out of bed because I 0.78

01:04:41.760 don't want to walk. Yeah. It's funny. Well, and I think too, you know, there's a lot of people that 0.94

01:04:48.280 say, a lot of guys will say, I don't understand women, right? You're not entirely supposed to, 0.93

01:04:52.600 otherwise you would be a woman. Well, women, I don't, I don't get, understand men, right? 0.99

01:04:59.480 Because we think differently than, than you do. So yeah, obviously we don't understand each other

01:05:04.280 entirely. So that, that would make sense. Um, you said that mom's baby, their children.

01:05:12.760 Nurturing gone to the extreme is baby. Yeah. Now what we do as men, whether you want to call it

01:05:21.300 accountability or toughing them up to the extreme is bullying, right? We have, we all know abusive men

01:05:26.200 who have abused their children physically, mentally, emotionally. They think they, they justify it by

01:05:31.380 saying that they're just toughening up their kids. Well, there's a line. Yeah. There's a line where

01:05:37.560 toughening becomes bullying. There's a line where nurturing becomes babying. So this is why men and

01:05:42.700 women are so good together. Cause when you're turning into a bully and you will Kip, just like I 1.00

01:05:47.000 will, mom's there to say, Hey, take it easy. And when she turns into babying, Hey, stop babying him.

01:05:56.200 Yeah. We keep each other in check. That's the point of having a mom and a dad in the picture.

01:06:02.160 Yeah. And it's good. Like that. They're different. It's right. It's right. All right. Let's take one

01:06:08.320 more. One more. All right. Chris, uh, Chris Rice. I'm about 45 days into my battle plan and struggling

01:06:16.060 to stay motivated. I know that it takes 60 to 90 days until a habit is formed. What are some tips to

01:06:22.960 staying motivated until the habit is formed? I don't know if I buy this 45 to 60 day thing. I don't.

01:06:31.320 Um, because if you're not motivated about it or at least disciplined about it, or at least tied to

01:06:38.760 some reason why you should do it. And in 60 days or 90 days or whatever the magical number is,

01:06:45.440 you're going to reject it. That's why people who lose weight so they can have the beach body. Once

01:06:52.340 they go on the vacation that, and it's over, then they put the weight back on. And a lot of times

01:06:57.000 they put more on because, you know, they may have been disciplined for 90 days, but it was only for

01:07:01.760 that reason. Yeah. They splurge after. Right. And, and once the reason is gone, it's stripped away.

01:07:07.280 It's like, Oh, okay. I look, I do the same thing. If I have an event coming up or, or, or I don't

01:07:13.720 know, podcast appearance or something or, or, or, uh, some sort of physical event, like a marathon or a,

01:07:20.220 or a 5k, whatever I can be, I can be disciplined for a long time to get myself in check and my body

01:07:27.180 right. And my nutrition on point and get strong. But when that goes away, it's much more tempting

01:07:31.880 to neglect the gym and neglect the training and neglect everything else that you've worked so

01:07:35.420 hard to accomplish. So the reason I say this is because you, you may have lost sight of your,

01:07:43.180 your vision, right? You may have lost, lost what that means to you. So reconnect either establish

01:07:51.260 it. If you haven't done that yet, a lot of people just overlook the vision component. We're not robots.

01:07:56.740 Like we're not do this, this, this, this, this, and this, and this, that would be awesome. Except for

01:08:03.320 it just, that's not how we operate. We're not robots. We're human beings. So we have to be motivated.

01:08:09.320 We have to be inspired. We have to have visions that lead us towards, towards doing something that

01:08:14.600 we normally wouldn't do. So establish the vision or reestablish the vision. If you've lost sight of

01:08:21.880 it and maybe make some adjustments, you know, maybe, maybe the reason you're not doing it is

01:08:27.600 because you don't see the value of it tied to your vision. Maybe you don't have a vision at all.

01:08:31.060 But I think if you get to that point, uh, then you need to do some soul searching on why you're not

01:08:35.720 feeling as motivated anymore and do something to, to tweak that, to change that. And then of course,

01:08:39.820 there's the discipline thing. Of course, that's important. Eliminating temptations, reducing what

01:08:45.780 I call the friction for new habits. One, just as an example is going to the gym. Friction is up and

01:08:53.240 having to program a workout. That's friction. That would keep you from going to the gym. It has me.

01:08:59.380 Another thing of friction is minor as it sounds for anybody who goes to the gym all the time

01:09:03.240 is not having your clothes ready to go in the morning. That sounds silly, but that's friction

01:09:09.260 because then you have to get up and you're like, okay, what am I going to wear? Oh, it's dark and

01:09:13.720 I want to wake up my wife. I got to get my socks, but I don't have, I can't find matching socks.

01:09:17.260 Friction. So eliminate and remove the friction. In this case, get the workout clothes out the night

01:09:24.000 before. Program your workout the night before. Get your pre-workouts and your supplements or

01:09:29.100 whatever you're going to take out the night before. Have an accountability partner like I had this

01:09:35.980 morning with training who's like, yep, I'll see you there. Eliminated friction. That's what you need

01:09:40.560 to do to maintain the discipline as long as you have that vision in place. Yeah. And about that vision,

01:09:45.900 it's about getting present. And we've talked about this, the character of the stick. Get present to one

01:09:51.520 of those. Get present to the value and the benefit of why you're doing what you're doing. Get present

01:09:57.420 to the value of your vision or get present to the impact of it. You know, some, some people are

01:10:03.980 motivated more by the impact than the benefit, but whatever it is, you need to get kind of fired up

01:10:09.120 about that vision. So you understand where these tactics and objectives play within that overall

01:10:14.720 purpose and goal. That's the power of the secret, right? The vision boards. In my opinion, the benefit

01:10:21.080 of that vision board is you looking at the photo, reminding you of the vision. It's a, it's a

01:10:26.240 graphical representation of the vision. So, and hopefully that caused you, well, not hopefully that

01:10:32.260 should cause you to action if you automatically have a battle plan in place, but, but that's the

01:10:36.640 concept is being present to it. And then maybe have some tactics around how do you remind yourself

01:10:41.560 yourself of that vision on a regular basis is incorporated part of your morning routine or part

01:10:47.380 of your journaling process, whatever it is, you need to be present to that vision. And then guys

01:10:52.680 within the iron council, we talk about holding each other accountable. You want to hold someone

01:10:58.140 accountable, hold them accountable to the vision, right? If I give, I give Ryan shit for not doing 0.99

01:11:06.280 his tactic around his physical wellbeing, that's not that powerful, but if it's accountability to, 0.98

01:11:12.960 because I understand his vision and how that will play a part in his life and his family,

01:11:18.360 that's a different story, right? That's what we're holding people accountable to is there is who

01:11:24.800 they're capable of becoming right through the tactic and the objectives that they've set for

01:11:29.740 themselves. Yes, sir. Yeah. Great stuff. Absolutely. Yeah. So to learn more about that

01:11:37.940 conversation really on, on a day-to-day basis around tactics and holding each other accountable

01:11:44.160 and visions. And all of this is really part of the experience of being within the iron council,

01:11:50.320 our, our exclusive brotherhood. You can learn more at order of man.com slash iron council. Of

01:11:56.320 course, these questions we filled today, most of them came from the Facebook group, Ryan,

01:11:59.940 you mentioned this earlier, facebook.com slash group slash order of man, subscribe to the podcast.

01:12:05.600 This episode of the podcast is as well as many others, maybe almost everything is now getting pushed

01:12:12.140 up to Facebook. So join us on, uh, you, I mean, youtube.com slash order of man, or subscribe to

01:12:19.420 the Facebook and you can follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan Mickler. You want to

01:12:26.480 give us an update on events? You probably have the latest count in regards to legacy. And I don't think

01:12:31.780 I have the latest, uh, main event is probably close. I imagine if we have spots at all, we only have two or

01:12:37.200 three spots left. So if you want to be one of those people, then man, jump on it right now. Uh, legacy,

01:12:42.520 we still have spots on that. I think we're about, I don't know, 30, 40% full on that. Uh, it's a

01:12:46.360 father son event. It's June 11th through the 14th here in Maine, uh, for you and your son, uh, between

01:12:53.800 the eight or, or I should say you and your son, it could be your young man. Yeah. It could be an,

01:12:59.080 a nephew, which we've had guys out before. Um, or somebody that, you know, you have some sort of

01:13:04.340 mentorship, whatever, whatever that looks like June 11th through the 14th. That's, uh, the legacy

01:13:09.200 father son event. Um, and you can go to order man.com slash legacy, plenty of spots on that,

01:13:14.120 but I wouldn't wait too long on that either. So that's it. Anything else? We good. All right.

01:13:19.260 I think we're good. All right, guys. Uh, good questions today. Got a lot to go through. We got,

01:13:23.880 uh, philosophical. We went down the dark side of things for, for some of these things as well. Um,

01:13:28.540 I thought it was good, great conversation, great questions. Looking forward to doing this again next

01:13:32.620 week. And of course on Friday for the Friday field notes. Uh, but until then go out there,

01:13:37.060 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:13:41.540 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:13:46.320 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - October 16, 2019

The Difference Between a Boy and a Man, Eliminating Friction for New Habits, and Dealing with Resentment ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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