Order of Man - The Disparity between Males and Men, Using Regrets to Your Advantage, and How to Conquer Fear

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.880 and I am the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast. If you're tuning in for the very first

00:00:32.580 time, this might not be the best one for you to tune into initially, but either way, you're here.

00:00:38.560 This isn't asking anything. So what I'm going to be doing today is fielding questions from our

00:00:43.000 Facebook group, which you can find at facebook.com slash groups slash Order of Man. I want to say we

00:00:48.600 have roughly 74,000 members over there now. So the Facebook group continues to grow the Iron Council,

00:00:56.520 which is our exclusive brotherhood continues to grow. The store continues to do very well. We have

00:01:01.700 some new products, shirts, hats, decals, patches, battle planners, flags, all coming in over the next

00:01:10.240 several weeks. So make sure you check that out. If you want to support what we're doing here,

00:01:13.220 that's a great way to do it. Store.orderofman.com. Outside of that, just share the message. If you've

00:01:19.660 listened for any amount of time and you found any value in what we're doing here, then just share

00:01:23.960 this message, share the podcast with somebody, you know, somebody who needs to hear it,

00:01:28.380 leave a rating and review all that kind of stuff. Guys, if you have been around for a while, you know,

00:01:32.780 this one's a little different for an ask me anything because usually, and typically I'm joined

00:01:36.520 by my co-host, Mr. Kip Sorensen. He said he couldn't make it today. I think he's doing some,

00:01:40.920 some business training or something like that. So you're going to give me, I'm flying solo today.

00:01:46.400 But I've got the questions pulled up here on my phone in the Facebook group. Again,

00:01:50.080 facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And I'm going to attempt, I'm going to attempt to get

00:01:56.920 through as many as I possibly can. I am going to be picking and choosing on some of these questions

00:02:01.360 because as we do continue to grow, it's becoming increasingly difficult to answer all of these

00:02:07.340 questions. So I'm going to try to extract and pull out the best ones. All right, let's get into it,

00:02:11.280 guys. The first one comes from Zach Rafuse. And now see, I'm pronouncing the names today. And you can

00:02:17.500 see, I usually give Kip a hard time for his mispronunciation. But now you're going to see

00:02:23.100 how bad I butcher these things, which is why I even brought a co-host on just so he could butcher

00:02:26.960 the names. And I didn't have to take any sort of responsibility for that. All right, Zach Rafuse or

00:02:34.240 Rafuse, however you pronounce it. He says, how do you get over mistakes and regret? Well, the first thing

00:02:39.860 I think you need to realize and understand is that regrets are just part of life. All right,

00:02:44.300 they're going to happen. You're going to, you're going to make mistakes. You're going to fall short.

00:02:49.700 You're going to make dumb decisions. These things happen. So if you just come to terms with the fact

00:02:53.900 that they are going to happen, not that you want it to, and not that you're going to continue to make

00:02:57.940 dumb mistakes just because life happens, but that it is going to happen. It's just part of life.

00:03:03.000 That's number one. Step number two, learn from it guys. It's that simple. And I know it's a challenge.

00:03:09.260 I know it's not easy. I know there's emotions and guilt and remorse and sorrow and loss that we

00:03:14.640 experience when we make mistakes and we have regrets, but there's nothing you can do about

00:03:19.340 it in the, in moving backwards and in, in the past, only what you can do now presently and moving

00:03:27.240 into the future. And so if you make a mistake, chalk it up to a lesson, chalk it up to a learning

00:03:33.180 experience. Then ask yourself critically and analyze, okay, well, that was something I shouldn't

00:03:39.780 have done. So what do I need to do differently moving forward? Then in a way you can begin to

00:03:46.180 appreciate the mistakes or regrets. If you reframe them as learning experiences or lessons, I've made

00:03:54.160 plenty of mistakes here with order of man. I've spent tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands

00:04:01.860 of dollars in what my friend Pete Roberts calls tuition payments. And I think that's a great way

00:04:07.980 to frame it as a tuition payment. That's what it is. It's just learning. It's just the expense of

00:04:15.280 expertise and experience and knowledge. And it's the cost of improvement. If you aren't making mistakes,

00:04:23.440 then maybe you aren't pushing hard enough. So reframe it from this is bad. This is, I can't get over

00:04:29.320 this. I won't get over this too. Okay. This is happening for me. I wish it wouldn't have,

00:04:34.240 I'm not asking to make mistakes or have regret, but it happens as part of life. And what is the

00:04:39.320 exact lesson I need to be learning and what information and steps do I need to be applying

00:04:44.720 into my life in order to improve moving forward? Be critical about that and analyze that. When you

00:04:50.480 answer that, you'll be fine. Oh man, this one's a bad one. Jussie Consala, Consala, man, I'm going to

00:04:57.980 butcher a lot of these today. He says, do I think that the U S is marching towards a civil war?

00:05:04.380 You know, I think we have ebbs and flows. I think we have highs and lows. And anytime we're

00:05:09.300 in an election year and an election cycle, it's going to be more contentious and more,

00:05:14.320 more polarizing than it, than it otherwise is. You know, it's my hope that as the elections wind down,

00:05:21.480 that we begin to rally around some, some common ideals and common objectives, you know, I believe

00:05:28.060 most people, the overwhelming majority of the, the citizens of the United States are interested in

00:05:34.020 very much the same thing, how we get there might be a little bit differently, but generally we want a

00:05:39.020 little money in the bank account. We want to experience some romance, have some connections

00:05:42.700 with our children and friends, go, go, go on some adventures, have vacations and find meaningful

00:05:50.240 work and employment and feel valued. I think generally people all want that.

00:05:57.120 Uh, so is the U S marching towards a civil war? You know, if we continue to polarize ourselves and we

00:06:03.140 continue to be pitted against each other by the media, uh, and by the powers that would be then,

00:06:07.680 yeah, I mean, it's hard for me to envision a scenario where we don't continue to bicker and

00:06:12.680 with each other and, and, and complain and, and point fingers and paint the other side as the enemy.

00:06:19.600 Uh, so, you know, I hope we're able to turn this around. I hope we're able to go back to

00:06:24.420 the intent that our founding fathers had. And look, I realized that we haven't always lived up to the

00:06:31.440 ideals that our founding fathers painted for us in our founding documents. Uh, of course we've,

00:06:38.400 we've fallen short in many ways of that, but the documents that this country were founded on

00:06:45.420 led the way for equality, uh, led the way for prosperity, for freedom and liberty and independence.

00:06:54.460 And it's hard to imagine going back several hundred years, almost 250 years now.

00:07:01.220 And thinking that what we believe about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness was not

00:07:08.980 common practice. We take that for granted because we didn't have to experience a time where that

00:07:15.800 wasn't the case. And this is why you hear from so many immigrants who come into the United States

00:07:20.600 legally and go through the process and system. Bedros Koulian is a great example. He's been on the

00:07:25.580 podcast a couple of times and countless others. I just use his story because I know him who, who don't

00:07:33.280 take for granted the experience and the opportunities that are created in this country. So I hope we don't

00:07:40.520 move towards a civil war. Uh, but when you have people who are fundamentally different, that the foundations,

00:07:53.020 we can't even agree upon the foundational elements of our American way of life. That's very difficult

00:08:00.220 for us to, to get along. Uh, I had, I had a great conversation with a member of the iron council and

00:08:08.020 we had a disagreement, but it was respectful and it was civil. And that's, that's fine. We need to have

00:08:12.980 these important conversations. We were talking about the word patriarch and the meaning and the

00:08:16.440 significance about patriarch and patriarchy. Well, we, we went back and forth and we're having this

00:08:21.540 discussion and it came down to the conclusion that we actually had defined the word patriarch

00:08:26.200 differently. Well, yeah, if, if you aren't in agreement about some of the foundational elements

00:08:31.240 of what we're talking about, then it's hard to come to any sort of, uh, mutual conclusion.

00:08:37.440 And I feel like that's what we're experiencing right now. You've got the right and you've got the

00:08:41.040 left and you've got ends of the extreme on both sides. And it's not even that we, we foundationally

00:08:49.120 want the same things. That's, that's the problem is that we're so far apart and so foundationally

00:08:57.540 different that it's hard to, it's hard to imagine a situation where we don't move into some sort of

00:09:06.700 evil, either civil war or splitting or branching apart of, of this great American country.

00:09:13.140 Talked at length about what we need to do about it. And you can go back and search the archives and

00:09:16.720 find that. All right. Lonnie McIntyre. How can we, as men be the catalyst that brings change in our

00:09:22.620 communities, specifically dealing with things like race, fatherlessness, and poverty? Look,

00:09:28.060 I think the best thing that you can do, well, number one, lead yourself. All right, let's get

00:09:32.080 that out of the way. You have to lead yourself first, because if you don't lead yourself financially

00:09:36.120 with your fitness, with your business, with your, uh, the relationships you have in your home,

00:09:40.980 if you're not leading yourself, then there's, it's not even possible for you to turn around,

00:09:47.480 extend a hand and be available and present in the communities in which you serve. I mean,

00:09:54.480 I've been there. There's been times in my life where I've been broke and I've been so consumed with

00:09:58.580 my own problems and my own baggage that helping other people wasn't even on my radar. So it's

00:10:04.560 critically important that you implement what we've been talking about over almost five years,

00:10:08.980 excuse me, six years now and become strong, become financially independent,

00:10:15.260 reclaim some of that sovereignty. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back and read the

00:10:18.660 book, sovereignty, the battle for the hearts and minds of men. It's very, very important that we do

00:10:23.320 that because the, the better you take care of yourself, the more room and capacity you have to

00:10:30.920 serve others. So where do we start? You start with your family, start with your wife, you start with

00:10:35.880 your children, then you start with, or move on to your extended family. Then where do we move from

00:10:41.780 there? Now you start coaching sports teams. You get involved in city council and in politics. And

00:10:49.720 this is where you can make the most difference. Grassroots movement at the local level and start

00:10:55.300 influencing the men in your community and start influencing the young men in your community.

00:11:01.120 So get involved. Look, if you were, I know it's a little difficult now in the wake of,

00:11:06.000 of this COVID thing, but at any other point, if you were to go to your, your, your, your community

00:11:13.280 center in your city and say, Hey, I want to volunteer to help coach basketball or baseball or football or

00:11:18.020 track or whatever the thing is, they would, they would be ecstatic about that because in my experience,

00:11:24.280 men are doing that. There's, there's fewer and fewer men who are able to step into that calling

00:11:31.100 and to step into that role. So Lonnie, I commend you for even asking the question, how do you do it?

00:11:37.120 Start with yourself, branch out to your immediate family, branch out to your extended family,

00:11:42.140 then start serving on youth sports teams, big brothers, big sister programs, city council,

00:11:49.240 local political offices, local political offices, and start influencing and enlisting the help of

00:11:54.240 other men who can help you do the same. And by the way, if you're looking for material to use

00:12:02.260 when it comes to coaching, teaching, mentoring, influencing other men, I mean, get, get 10 guys

00:12:07.660 together and have a pickup league of basketball. And I know that you might say, well, how's that like

00:12:13.260 helping the community? Well, it is because you guys are going to start sharing ideas, even between breaks,

00:12:18.440 as you're playing basketball. And then if you're looking for information as a,

00:12:22.020 an outline or a guide on what to use, just listen to our podcast each week, listen to the Friday

00:12:27.400 field notes, in fact, and just make that your weekly talking point and discuss ideas and the

00:12:32.980 pros and cons and what you agree with and what you don't agree with, and just hash these conversations

00:12:36.580 out. Very, very powerful stuff. All right. Andy, pay cert. Again, I'm going to butcher these names,

00:12:42.540 guys. I'm sorry. What are some tools that you use to conquer the fear of failing before starting

00:12:48.380 something new? Look, this isn't an issue that I've ever run into guys. I mean, it really isn't.

00:12:53.340 Of course I get fear. I'm not saying that I'm not afraid when I start things that are new,

00:12:56.720 even when I hit record on a podcast, it's not to the point that I'm paralyzed. It's like,

00:13:01.060 okay, I want to do a good job. And fear means that you care, right? If you weren't afraid,

00:13:06.140 then, then you just don't care about it. So just the fact that you, that you are afraid says that you

00:13:13.360 care that this is important to you. So that's actually a good thing, but look, I don't have

00:13:18.600 any tools to conquer the fear. I think sometimes we look at that and think, man, if I just had the

00:13:22.660 right tool or the right phrase, the right terminology or the right system in place,

00:13:26.800 then I could just start something new. No, Andy, really the answer is, and I hate to just take what

00:13:32.820 could be a, what could appear to be a cop-out. The answer is you just do it. You just acknowledge the

00:13:38.520 fear. Yes. I'm afraid of doing this thing to starting this business, growing this, this,

00:13:42.660 this venture, asking this woman on a date, like whatever you're afraid of. I don't know what it

00:13:47.340 is. You just force yourself to do it. That's it. There's no tool that's going to help you get over

00:13:55.220 your fear. The only way you're going to get over your fear is by starting by initiating and then

00:14:00.420 proving to yourself that you are capable. Now I will say one strategy that you might be able to use is

00:14:04.800 drawing upon past experiences where you, uh, have tried something new and it's gone very well for

00:14:13.560 you. Well, now you've, you have a track record, right? You've proven to yourself that you're capable

00:14:19.840 of starting something, seeing something through stepping into fear with a level of courage and

00:14:26.660 accomplishing what it is you've set out to accomplish. I would also say, so now I guess I am giving you

00:14:32.360 some tools here. I would also say find and develop relationships with other men who have gone before

00:14:39.160 you. So if you want to start a business venture, let's start, say you want to start a, uh, an online

00:14:44.140 clothing store or something. Okay. Well find other men who have done it, develop relationships,

00:14:49.880 go to conferences, buy courses, look at emails, listen to podcasts about how to do it.

00:14:54.740 And, and that's going to give you the fuel, the motivation and the inspiration and also the

00:15:01.260 knowledge. You need the knowledge to be able to step into this thing that you're after. So look at

00:15:06.880 your, your past, find examples where you've done it before in other contexts, and then look for people

00:15:12.480 who have done what it is you're wanting to do and do what they do. Learn from them. All right,

00:15:18.820 let's move on. Austin Hart. I'm 35. I'm realizing that I need to learn way more about budgeting and

00:15:25.580 my finances. Uh, what would you recommend as far as doing better and some tips on how to stay

00:15:31.040 disciplined? You know, I would, if you're talking about budgeting specifically, I would look at Dave

00:15:36.460 Ramsey stuff. He's got some great information, total money makeover. It's one of the best.

00:15:41.200 I'm sure I don't know this a hundred percent, but I'm sure it's one of the best financial selling

00:15:46.280 books of all time, total money makeover. He goes into depth, into budgeting, paying off debt,

00:15:51.580 how to be disciplined, including, I believe it's called the envelope system. Uh, the debt snowball

00:15:56.720 is another strategy he uses for paying off debt. So if you're at the foundational levels of your

00:16:00.620 finances, I'm not talking about investing in, in collectibles or, or, you know, high risk portfolios.

00:16:08.220 I'm talking about the foundational elements of budgeting, paying off debt, that sort of thing.

00:16:11.820 Dave Ramsey's got some great and valuable information there. So check that out.

00:16:16.280 Uh, you know, this, I want to, I want to bring this question up because I think there's a great

00:16:20.720 learning experience here. It's a good teaching moment in this next question. So Andre Birkenya

00:16:26.560 says, what would you suggest to anyone who is willing to develop a men's group slash community?

00:16:33.340 So I'm going to answer that question. But first, here's one thing I do need to say,

00:16:37.420 guys, I heard a quote a long time ago, and it's turned out to be true in my life. And the quote is this,

00:16:42.380 the quality of your life will be determined by the quality of question that you ask.

00:16:49.260 Now, this is a noble question because Andre is interested in developing a men's group and

00:16:53.380 community. So it's a noble question. It's just not a powerful question. And, and let me explain

00:17:00.520 the difference. His heart is in the right place. The intentions are good. He wants to develop a men's

00:17:05.080 group and community that those are good intentions. But if it's, it's such a broad question

00:17:10.160 that it's hard for me to know exactly what he's looking for. So I could say, I could come up with

00:17:15.720 a dozen different responses to this question and still not hit the target because it's so broad.

00:17:23.160 So gentlemen, when you're asking questions, and this actually goes back to Andy, when he was asking

00:17:28.540 about what tools do I use to conquer fear before I start? And I said, go find somebody who's doing it.

00:17:36.020 Don't just ask them, what have they done? Get specific. Like, what is the first step that I

00:17:43.740 need to take? What is the next step? Okay. I'm having struggles in having guys attend. Have you

00:17:51.260 ever run into any attendance issues or had a guys hop be all hopped up for a week and then ghost you?

00:17:58.100 Like, these are the types of things that you want to ask. They're very specific. They're very poignant.

00:18:02.300 They're very pointed. And you're going to get better answers when, because you're, you're leading

00:18:07.880 what you're looking for instead of just saying, Hey, what, what do you think I should do? This is

00:18:12.140 kind of like, how do I improve myself? I could tell you an infinite number of things and all of them

00:18:19.560 may not apply. So get more specific. And I think that'll really help. Okay. So, but let me attempt

00:18:24.340 to answer the question anyways. Number one, have, have a framework. You don't have to have everything

00:18:30.380 laid out when it comes to developing a men's group and community. You don't have to have it all laid

00:18:33.860 out, but have a framework. If it's so loose and so scattered, and this goes back to the point about

00:18:39.500 questions. If it's so broad, it's not very enticing. So have a specific pointed framework,

00:18:46.020 and maybe you address three to four to five things. We did eight things initially. You can go back and

00:18:51.180 watch my early YouTube videos. And you can see, I think it was called eight skill sets. Every man needs

00:18:55.100 to master. It was okay. But it's, it wasn't complete. It wasn't very well thought out,

00:19:03.380 but it was something. And now we evolve and we grow and we expand and we improve and we tweak and we

00:19:09.120 eliminate and we adjust and we do all those things as we go. But you got to start with some sort of

00:19:14.120 framework, some sort of an agenda. Then from there, it's just a matter of inviting people. You know,

00:19:20.260 you invite the two or three or five guys that you know that are in your circle, that you want to be

00:19:23.940 in your circle. And you say, this is what I'm doing. This is why I'm doing it care to join me.

00:19:28.840 And here's the most important part, especially as you're launching, whether this is a local men's

00:19:33.340 community, or you guys are trying to do something online, similar to what we've done here with order

00:19:36.640 of man, please hear me on this. You have to be hyper consistent because if you're not, people are

00:19:43.100 going to bail, right? Like if, if, if they're more consistent or more interested than you are,

00:19:48.100 they're going to bail. And if you're only doing it based on the positive encouragement,

00:19:53.820 and feedback that you get, you're going to fail very, very early because people just aren't going

00:19:57.740 to be there. And it's going to take you doing it over and over and over and over and showing up

00:20:03.220 every single week, even if nobody else shows up, whether that's in person or online. And then you'll

00:20:10.580 notice, okay, we've got a core group of three to five guys here. We're showing up consistently

00:20:14.740 and you just keep the ball rolling. Don't let the ball stop because if it does stop,

00:20:20.920 it's going to be harder for you to actually pick up the momentum and start going again.

00:20:26.660 So be very, very consistent, whether that's weekly or bi-weekly, whatever that looks like,

00:20:30.900 be very, very consistent, have an agenda, invite the people, you know, encourage them to invite

00:20:37.260 the men they know, and just be consistent, keep working, refining your message and, and what you

00:20:44.260 guys are talking about. It's not easy. It's not easy. That's why I hear from guys every single day.

00:20:49.980 Hey, Ryan, I'm starting an organization like yours, or I want to start a podcast that focuses

00:20:53.380 on men, or I want to help Christian men in my community, or I want everyday messages.

00:20:58.440 And I commend them, but I know that 95 to 99% of them are just not going to, they're not going to

00:21:06.500 make it because they're not willing to be consistent. They're willing to do it for like a month or two and

00:21:11.260 see how it goes. Well, it's not going to fly. When I started the order man podcast, I remember vividly

00:21:16.800 sitting down with a friend of mine. We were talking about the podcast and the idea because

00:21:20.060 he was a podcaster himself and did some coaching. And I told him again, vividly. I remember like it

00:21:26.300 was yesterday. I said, I'm not going to make a decision as to whether or not I continue with

00:21:30.800 order of man or I throw in the towel for two years. So I did this for two years before I even considered

00:21:39.520 whether or not I would throw in the towel. Now I knew that I wouldn't well before two years,

00:21:44.880 but that's how committed I was to it. And in the past five and a half years now,

00:21:51.400 about five and a half years, I have not missed a single podcast episode, not one. That's probably

00:21:59.520 over at this point, five to 600 podcasts. And I have not missed a single podcast episode on top of

00:22:06.360 everything else that we're doing. Our meetings in our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council and

00:22:10.460 our programs and our courses and the store. Like I don't, I don't miss those things. I'm hyper,

00:22:15.780 hyper consistent. So Ryan, Oh man, you've had so much success. How do you make this work? Or people

00:22:20.140 will compliment me and say, you know, you can present this stuff so well. Yeah. Well, I would hope,

00:22:25.620 I mean, I've been doing it every single day for nearly six years now. So when people say,

00:22:31.540 Oh, you're a natural. No, I'm not a natural at any of this. Go back and watch my first YouTube

00:22:36.680 video. In fact, don't go back and watch my first YouTube video. Go back and listen to the first

00:22:41.280 podcast. And you'll see that. Okay. I'm not a natural by any means, by any stretch of the

00:22:47.160 imagination. I've just been doing it long enough that I'm starting to get better at it. Andre, I hope

00:22:54.820 that helps. Douglas Farnsworth, excuse me. He says, I'm 36. I have a skill making our ice carvings,

00:23:02.680 which is a really cool skill. Actually. He says, I wanted to start my own biz, but COVID jacked that

00:23:07.760 up. I also wanted to be an LEO firefighter or work in the medical field. I currently find myself

00:23:13.560 working at trying to get into all that's part of the problem. I bet it drives my wife nuts. If she

00:23:19.940 wants me to pick one thing and work towards it, she's right. I can't decide. I kind of want to see

00:23:25.800 where I fall, I guess. Look, I'm giving you some commentary in here. I kind of want to see where I

00:23:30.440 fall, man. It's a really passive way to live life, but let's keep going. My question is, should I stick

00:23:35.920 to one direction? Should I be worried that I'm 36 and can't decide? Thanks. Podcast has been a great

00:23:42.420 deal of support. All right, Douglas, let's break this down, man. Cause we've got a lot to unpack here.

00:23:47.780 I want to answer your question. Should I be worried that I'm 36 and can't decide,

00:23:52.100 right? Don't get locked in your head. Cause that's where you're at right now. Oh man,

00:23:56.900 I'm 36. I'm getting older. I can't decide. Is that a problem? What do people think of me?

00:24:00.580 You're starting to get wrapped up in your head space. And that's a problem because you won't

00:24:04.320 do anything. You'll paralyze and cripple yourself. I mean, really the alternative is to do nothing

00:24:08.700 or to maintain your current course of action, whatever that is. And then be asking me or somebody else

00:24:14.700 in 20 years at 56. Oh, should I be worried? I'm 56 now. Should I be worried? Okay. So you're going

00:24:21.200 to be asking that question forever until you actually decide. And how do you decide? You just

00:24:28.280 pick one, just pick one. What, what sounds right? Uh, firefighting good pick that course of action

00:24:38.520 and go for it. Now, look, there's nothing to say that at some point you can't pivot, but you sound

00:24:43.720 like you have a little bit of a, a wishy washiness, like, Oh, what could be? And Oh, I don't know.

00:24:48.460 You're getting paralyzed here because you're in your own head. So pick one and dive into it.

00:24:55.640 Because if you're trying to be an LEO, a firefighter, a medical work in the medical field

00:24:59.180 and do ice carvings, if you're trying to do all of that, you're going to suck at all of it.

00:25:03.580 It's not like you're opening options for yourself because you're doing five or six or 10 things.

00:25:07.480 You're actually limiting yourself because you're not giving yourself the space, the margin,

00:25:11.400 the time, the commitment, the energy, the resources that is required to become a firefighter at 36 or

00:25:17.620 to work in the medical field or to build an ice carvings business. So pick one. I agree with your

00:25:25.880 wife. It's, it's frustrating to her because you can't decide. So how do you do it? You pick one

00:25:33.080 and you say, you know, I'm going to go down this route and I'm going to really see where it takes me.

00:25:37.580 I'm going to take the first step, then the next step, then the next step, then the next step.

00:25:42.220 So Douglas, I wish I had a better answer for you, but honestly, the best answer and the only answer

00:25:47.680 is pick one and go all in dive in headfirst, commit all your time, energy resources to that thing.

00:25:56.160 And then when you get your feet under you, let's say you go the firefighter path and you start to

00:25:59.980 get your feet under you a little bit. Okay. Well, maybe you have some time or some margin and space

00:26:04.200 now to do some ice carvings on the weekends. Cool. You can do that, but for now you've got to pick

00:26:09.220 one and you've got to get going and you're not getting any younger. And I don't want you to be

00:26:13.040 asking the same question when you're 45, 55, 65 or dead, just get going. All right. Next.

00:26:22.600 Again, we're running into the same issue here. Jason Kimball, what other, what other than order of

00:26:26.900 man would you call as good resources for the change that we need to see in the world?

00:26:29.940 There's an infinite number of resources for what, for what specifically, when you can answer that

00:26:36.920 question, then I can give you some resources. Cause I could share a million different websites,

00:26:40.660 a million different podcasts, and I might hit the mark and I might not. So what change we need to see

00:26:46.620 in the world? Like what specifically, this actually gets into Douglas's question too, guys is like,

00:26:51.660 okay, well, what specifically do you want to change? Do you want to change the obesity epidemic?

00:26:57.720 Do you want to change the epidemic of fatherless homes? Do you want to fight for second amendment

00:27:04.460 rights? Do you want to join the military? Do you want to serve abroad? Like what do you,

00:27:10.320 what change are you talking about? Get specific. And then you'll be able to have a path for finding

00:27:16.420 the answers that you desire. And by the way, it's not your obligation, responsibility, or even

00:27:21.940 opportunity to solve all of the world's problems. Specialize. Like I'm not necessarily fighting deep

00:27:29.300 into the obesity epidemic or even the, the human trafficking epidemic. Now, those are things that

00:27:37.600 we touch on. I certainly have conversations that deal with those things because it's part of the

00:27:42.020 package, but there's other people who are hyper-focused. Tim Ballard with Operation Underground

00:27:47.360 Railroad. Okay. He's all in on that. And that's great. I can then use Tim's organization and him

00:27:53.960 and his resources to tap into it, but it's not, that's not what I'm personally doing. Okay. And

00:27:59.560 that sounds bad because we want to solve all the problems. I get it again, noble, not possible.

00:28:04.540 So Jason, I would say, I'll give you an answer. If you tell me what specific change you're referring

00:28:11.120 to. All right, Keith day, her ways to connect more with your daughter. She's turning 13 soon.

00:28:16.640 You just connect with her, find out what she's interested and do that. If she likes animals, if

00:28:22.460 she likes whatever, I don't, I don't know, whatever thing is she likes reading. If she likes

00:28:28.900 whatever, I don't know your daughter. I know my daughter. I know what she's interested in

00:28:34.680 because we spend time and we have conversations and we talk and we laugh and we play together.

00:28:38.780 So the best way to connect with your daughter is to find whatever she's interested in, not what

00:28:42.860 you're interested in, whatever she's interested in, and then make a commitment to doing that every

00:28:48.760 week or every couple of days with her. There's another great book called the family board meeting

00:28:53.800 that you should definitely check out. It's a very, very quick read. And I am drawing a blank

00:29:01.900 on the author's name right now. I can't believe I'm forgetting his name.

00:29:05.640 I don't know. Anyways, family board meeting, check it out. I think that's going to give

00:29:12.460 you some great resources and a framework for how to connect well with your daughter.

00:29:16.540 It's a very good read. His name escapes me, which is sad and maybe insulting. I feel bad

00:29:22.760 about that. Ryan Shank, what are good books people to listen to for investing? A financial advisor

00:29:30.840 is great. A random walk down wall street. I mean, there's, there's all kinds of books,

00:29:37.000 random walk down wall street, Jeff Rose, good financial sense, Joe Saul C high with stacking

00:29:42.060 Benjamins. Those are both podcasts and resources. I'm not a Dave Ramsey fan when it comes to investing.

00:29:48.780 I think he's got a lot of, a lot of misguided at best advice that doesn't, doesn't really apply

00:29:54.720 or work. So I would, I would avoid that. But yeah, there's a couple of resources for you.

00:30:00.060 Just type in finances into your, Oh, a bigger pockets podcast. That's for real estate investing.

00:30:07.260 In fact, Brandon is going to be coming on the podcast here before too long. So there's a couple

00:30:10.700 of resources for you. Okay. Let me skip ahead. I see a couple of questions. I'm just going to skip

00:30:16.360 here real quick. Cause I want to get to the best ones. Bear with me guys. Okay. Here's one. Jay

00:30:27.060 Lutzky. How can one keep themselves mentally healthy during these times by doing the same

00:30:34.140 things you were doing before? Now you've got to pivot a little bit. I realized that I understand

00:30:38.160 that you don't have the same systems. You don't have the same patterns and routines, but you can

00:30:41.740 still do the same activities. For example, if you were driving to the gym every day and that was

00:30:47.420 keeping you sane, then do that at home. Maybe your gym is shut down. There's something that prevents

00:30:54.500 you from going there. The schedule has changed. You can't make it work. Well, okay. Adapt. How do

00:30:59.480 you bring that same level of fitness and working out into your home? Do that. Find things that are

00:31:07.320 engaging to you. Don't let go of your hobbies. Stay maintained and engaged in those hobbies and

00:31:11.400 activities. Have a goal, have a plan. We have a battle ready course that's available. It's a free

00:31:18.320 email course. You can check it out. It's at order of man.com slash battle ready. And it'll actually

00:31:23.220 help you make a plan. I know for me, my sanity is that much more improved when I have something that

00:31:29.520 I'm actively working towards. If I don't have something I'm actively working towards, I feel

00:31:35.080 scatterbrained. Um, I feel ineffective, inefficient. It bothers me. It messes with my emotions. Um, it

00:31:41.660 gets me in my head space. I don't want to be there. Uh, I want to be actively engaged towards,

00:31:46.360 uh, working towards solutions to problems, even if they're my own goals and objectives. So you can

00:31:51.500 check that out. Order of man.com slash battle ready. All right. Uh, Chris Fisher, what are some

00:31:57.260 lessons that Brazilian jujitsu has taught you? Uh, number one is that I'm not as capable as I thought

00:32:04.960 I was. That's certainly one, you know, I've always prided myself on being strong and fit and capable.

00:32:10.520 And then you get to jujitsu and you realize you've got, you know, a guy that's 50 pounds lighter than

00:32:15.020 you. And he's running circles around you. Uh, that's, that's tough to deal with. Um, also patience

00:32:21.720 because you're not going to be as good as you want to be, or even expect yourself to be initially.

00:32:26.960 So just being patient, trusting the process, continuing to show up being consistent. Like

00:32:32.680 I was talking about earlier, and just knowing that if you put in the mat time and you get the

00:32:37.140 right training and you're rolling with good partners, uh, then, then things are going to

00:32:41.340 start to develop and you're going to get better at not only jujitsu, but at life. And that's the

00:32:46.540 beauty for me of jujitsu is that it translates perfectly over into the way I run my business and

00:32:52.060 the way that I adapt. I used to be, Hey, I'm going to force this square peg into a

00:32:56.780 round hole. And now I realize with some help from jujitsu that you can't approach every

00:33:03.440 challenge the exact same way. If you do, you're going to get yourself in a compromising position.

00:33:09.440 So you survey the landscape, you take into consideration what other factors could, uh,

00:33:18.380 derail you. And then you make a plan and you work your plan. And as if, if it works great,

00:33:22.520 and if it doesn't, you adapt quickly, uh, you keep yourself calm. That's important. So man,

00:33:27.800 there are just so many lessons that, uh, Brazilian jujitsu has taught me over the past year,

00:33:31.900 but those are a handful of them. Craig Cottrell says, what does manhood in the U S look like in

00:33:38.800 five years? Well, you know, I think it's going to continue to go down a path. Look,

00:33:43.780 what we're going to see is we're going to see a widening. We're going to see a greater disparity

00:33:50.860 between those males who have continued to be taught by women. They've been raised in fatherless homes.

00:33:57.720 They've been indoctrinated by the school system. They've bought into the belief that it's, it's okay

00:34:02.580 and encouraged to be weak or to be feminine. And I'm not saying femininity is weak by the way. So let

00:34:07.640 me just throw that disclaimer out there. It's different. It's a different kind of strength,

00:34:10.780 but we can talk about that now or later. Uh, so you're going to continue to see

00:34:16.200 males go down that path because what will change, right? But then you're also going to have other

00:34:23.360 males who recognize that this is an issue. They see that it's a problem. Um, I just read a tweet from,

00:34:29.740 from the UN, the United nations that said, and I'm paraphrasing, but not much that a male dominated

00:34:37.140 society and a male dominated culture is, and has been dangerous to, uh, women, girls, men,

00:34:45.560 and boys. So we have organizations like this perpetuating the idea, the myth that somehow

00:34:52.480 men are destructive and damaging just by their very nature. So you're going to see a lot of people buy

00:34:59.380 into that and it's going to create problems, real problems financially, emotionally, uh, with,

00:35:06.300 with our overall safety, with our prosperity, it's going to create problems. And then you're

00:35:10.620 going to have on the other end of the spectrum, men who recognize that's a problem. And they're

00:35:14.920 going to attempt to make themselves more capable, more prepared, better off financially and better

00:35:20.880 physical health. That's the side of the spectrum I want to be on. That's what I'm working towards.

00:35:26.760 And that's what I'm encouraging men to do and have been over the past five and six years.

00:35:29.780 So you're going to have men, excuse me, males. I want to make the distinction there. You're

00:35:35.840 going to have males who don't buy into the idea that masculinity, it's not even an idea. It's just

00:35:40.760 is that they don't buy into masculinity being good and virtuous and strong and capable.

00:35:48.400 And instead decide to reject masculinity altogether. So it's going to widen. Those people are going to

00:35:59.040 be hurt and damaged by it. And they're either going to put themselves into a corner or they're

00:36:04.620 going to realize the error of their ways and fix themselves. It's kind of like that. Uh, what,

00:36:09.080 what is it? Uh, good times create weak men, weak men create hard times, hard times, create strong men.

00:36:15.640 You guys all know the adage. Well, that's, what's happening right now. So you can either get out

00:36:20.660 ahead of the curve and recognize that, you know, we don't really actually have it that bad yet.

00:36:25.820 We actually have it really good. Yes. There's some issues that we need to deal with societally,

00:36:30.540 but we actually have it pretty good, but it's only going to get worse if we don't do anything about it.

00:36:36.800 And we continue to live in this just weak, pathetic, immediate gratification state that we're,

00:36:43.060 that we're trying to foster in people right now. It's, it's not going to work. And, uh, it's going

00:36:48.740 to create a lot of pain unless, unless enough of us can get on the path and do what it is we need

00:36:56.400 to do. So when Craig says, what does manhood look like? You know, I'm not, I'm not going to predict

00:37:00.580 what it's going to look like. I'm just going to say there's men who are going to go further down

00:37:04.600 one path than the other. And the ones that go down the right path, which is stepping fully into

00:37:09.000 masculinity and manliness are going to do well by themselves and their families and their

00:37:12.600 communities. Those that don't step into it and allow themselves to be feminized and strip away

00:37:18.960 all their masculine virtues, uh, are going to put themselves and the people around them in

00:37:24.880 compromising positions. Jacob winters questions like these. I get quite a bit. The mother of my kids

00:37:33.660 is trying to move her and my children to another state. The state, excuse me, the city she lives in

00:37:38.280 was destroyed by hurricane Laura. And she's wanting to relocate for quote unquote, better

00:37:43.520 opportunities. While I agree, there's more opportunities there. I don't want my kids for

00:37:48.380 hours for me. She says, I'm trying to hold them back. Am I wrong for telling her? No.

00:37:54.800 Uh, I don't know if you're wrong. Honestly, I don't know if you're wrong or you're right. I mean,

00:38:00.740 I certainly understand you wanting to be closer to your children. I get that. I'm just trying to

00:38:07.920 look at this from both aisles. Like my, my gut and, and my emotions say, yeah, you're dead on.

00:38:14.080 Like she shouldn't be taking them four hours away. But then also that might actually present better

00:38:19.220 opportunities for considering the city that she lives in currently was destroyed by this hurricane.

00:38:24.500 And it might present better opportunities for your children. I don't know, man. I don't know

00:38:30.020 enough about your situation and the scenario to tell you that you're right or wrong. I think,

00:38:34.660 I think you're certainly, you certainly want to be by your kids and that's, that's a good thing.

00:38:40.600 But I might look for other opportunities here for you maybe to move closer to them or work closer with

00:38:46.780 your kids' mother to attempt to come to some sort of mutual conclusion. You know, I hate hearing

00:38:53.480 these things where women take kids to other States, you know, but you know, you made a decision and so

00:38:58.560 did she, and you have to deal with those decisions as difficult as they can be. It's, it's hard for me

00:39:04.480 to say, well, she should just, she shouldn't be able to leave, but it's also hard for me to say,

00:39:08.220 she should have to stay forever because you guys decided to make a decision and, and, and it wasn't,

00:39:13.860 you know, conducive to being as involved with your children. So, um,

00:39:21.580 Now, do you have the right to say no and to keep her there? I actually don't know the answer to

00:39:27.700 that. I would say you, you talk with your lawyer. If you don't have one, then consider getting one

00:39:32.340 because I think it is important that fathers protect their rights, uh, to be able to see

00:39:38.000 their children, to be able to spend time with their kids. And again, I don't know all the

00:39:42.420 ramifications of your relationship. Uh, so you need to talk with, with your attorney and see what the

00:39:49.040 legal ramifications of this are. Um, but that's my two cents. I'm trying to be level-headed in that

00:39:56.000 response because it's very easy for me to say, no, hell no, like keep her here, but there's

00:40:02.100 considerations that, that need to be considered. Um, here's another, again, I'm just reiterating

00:40:10.360 the, the general questions, like how to deal with blood relative slash wife conflict.

00:40:15.140 Too general. It's difficult for me to answer that question. Here's an interesting one. Bo Dobbs.

00:40:22.160 My soon to be wife has two daughters that recently told her they think they are bisexual.

00:40:27.320 How do I parent them and support her while guiding them to Christ's path? You know, I, I think, um,

00:40:36.560 obviously you're in this, uh, you're in this relationship. You're going to be marrying this

00:40:40.120 woman. So it, it, it is what it currently is, you know, and, and, and I think that you can

00:40:48.860 support them. I think you can be a great man. I think you can show them the power of having

00:40:53.980 a great father in the home. I don't know how old her daughters are, if they're young and, and

00:41:00.140 they're experimenting or it's cool. And so they think, okay, well, this is what I'm going to do.

00:41:04.560 Or, you know, they, they really are. I don't know. Uh, but I think you just be open and honest

00:41:11.620 about your belief and you better be open and honest about your beliefs, uh, with, with your

00:41:16.200 soon to be wife now, because if you hide it and you don't want to create waves or ripples or any

00:41:21.200 animosity or contention, man, if you don't talk about this now with her, your fiance, uh, it's only

00:41:27.840 going to get worse if you guys are not on the same page. So, you know, I think about that. If,

00:41:32.940 if one of my children came to me and said, you know, they were, they were, they were gay,

00:41:36.940 that's news that I wouldn't want to hear. And I know that's not popular. I know people are gonna

00:41:41.420 say, oh, you're, you're homeless. No, no, no, no. That's not, that's not what it is at all.

00:41:45.400 I just think they're going to live a better life generally if, if they're straight.

00:41:51.700 So if one of my children came to me and said, well, I'm gay, I can't really envision me raising

00:41:59.260 them any differently. We'd still go to church. We'd still talk about the path of, of discipline

00:42:06.860 and being good and doing the right things and making yourself more capable. I don't know that

00:42:13.240 it would change for me. And I don't know why it, it would need to change. So you keep walking your path,

00:42:22.780 have the conversation with your wife. And it's not going to be probably just one. It's probably

00:42:29.940 going to be multiple conversations and figure out if you guys are on the same page about how

00:42:34.920 you want to address this. Cause if you're not, man, that's a big red flag that better be addressed

00:42:39.640 now. Otherwise it's only going to get worse. Please, please hear me on that. It's only going to get

00:42:46.240 worse if you don't address it. All right, here we go. What is it that you consider order of man to be

00:42:56.880 at its primary core, to build, strengthen, or teach all it's to build up men to become more capable

00:43:07.160 fathers, husbands, business owners, community leaders. How do we do that by teaching them what

00:43:12.740 has worked not only for me, but thousands and thousands of men throughout all of history.

00:43:18.100 And then to give them the tools and the resources and conversations that they need to strengthen

00:43:23.720 their resolve, to step into the calling of man. I don't think it has to be to build, strengthen,

00:43:29.460 or teach. I don't think it has to be any of those. Our goal is to build an army of men. So I use your

00:43:36.380 your adjective here, your build, right. To build an army of men who want to step into those callings,

00:43:42.920 who want to protect, want to provide, and want to preside. That is my core mission. And so we

00:43:48.680 have different ways and strategies and ideals and different processes to go about doing that.

00:43:54.180 But ultimately that's, that's the goal. That's the objective. I hope I answered that.

00:43:57.000 I'm going to skip that one. Skip that one. Okay. Here's, here's an interesting one. And I've talked

00:44:05.760 about this before. Okay. Have you ever considered bringing on a quote unquote average Joe on your

00:44:11.060 podcast? I've talked about this. Someone who isn't well-known by everyone. The answer is yes,

00:44:16.480 I'd consider it, but I'm not going to, I'm not going to bring on what, what you're, what you're

00:44:23.020 calling an average Joe. Okay. And by the way, let me tell you all, all the guys that I've had on the

00:44:28.220 podcast, the high profile profile guys from David Goggins. I mean, go back and listen to David

00:44:33.540 Goggins story. He's an average Joe by, by its very definition. He was fat. He was overweight. He was

00:44:41.400 out of shape. He just didn't have any goals or direction or ambition in his life. Very much the same

00:44:46.660 as all of us have dealt with at some point or are currently dealing with in our lives. And he changed it

00:44:52.180 around. So why would I want to have a guy on the podcast who hasn't changed around? Oh, but right.

00:44:57.020 I don't resonate with these guys. Well, yeah, that's the point. You don't resonate with them

00:45:02.720 because if you did resonate with them fully, you'd already be doing what they're doing.

00:45:08.700 So this is an aspirational podcast. This is not a complacent or mediocre podcast. Hey, I just want to

00:45:16.100 hear guys I'm comfortable with. Cause that's really what what's happening here. People will say,

00:45:21.100 I don't resonate with him. Well, you want to hear from people that make you comfortable.

00:45:26.640 Why? Cause it's easy. It's easier to feel better when you hear that somebody else is doing it or in

00:45:33.120 the same problems you are, but that makes me feel better. That yes, I know that's not the goal of

00:45:38.180 the podcast or the movement. The goal is to look at men who are doing better, who are having better

00:45:43.420 results, who are thriving and succeeding on big levels. And then we work backwards into what they did.

00:45:49.440 I'm taking David Goggins. Here's an example. What did he do in order to get him into that position?

00:45:55.400 Cause at one point he was a quote unquote average Joe. What I don't understand why I'd want to hear

00:46:02.860 from a quote unquote average Joe who hasn't figured it out yet. I can't learn anything from that

00:46:08.480 individual. I wouldn't take fitness advice from a guy that's 300 pounds overweight. Okay. I'm not

00:46:15.700 going to take financial advice from a guy who can't even make his mortgage payment, right? And

00:46:19.900 that's, how could you say that? That's mean. I don't care what it is. If I want to thrive and I

00:46:25.300 want to excel and I want to succeed, then I need to find men who are doing better than I. And if you

00:46:29.700 can't resonate with them, that's your fault. Start resonating with them by doing what they're doing.

00:46:36.360 Every podcast we have, we're extracting their knowledge and their wisdom and their expertise and

00:46:40.220 their experience. And if you just implement what they do, whether you resonate or not, you just

00:46:45.160 implement their teachings. You're going to get that much closer to them. So please guys, stop.

00:46:50.520 Can we just have an average Joe on the podcast? No. If you want an average Joe on the podcast,

00:46:56.460 go talk with your brother-in-law, go talk with your coworker, go talk with somebody in your current

00:47:02.980 circle. I'm not going to miss a powerful opportunity through this podcast to talk with

00:47:09.800 guys who haven't figured the game out yet. I'm going to talk with hard chargers, guys with

00:47:16.060 ambition, guys with success on multiple different fronts and learn from them. That's what I'm going

00:47:21.760 to do. Now that said, I am going to try to attempt to take them from where they currently are and work

00:47:31.080 them backwards. So they can talk about the times when they are average Joe's. I don't even like that

00:47:35.700 term. I'm just using that because that's the term you're using here. So I'm going to go back and

00:47:39.680 then we're going to work through how they improve themselves. But no, we're not having guys who

00:47:44.220 haven't figured it out on the podcast. It's not something we're going to be doing. Okay. All

00:47:48.420 right. Oh, let's see. Bradley Chandler. How are we doing on time here? Go for another 15 minutes or

00:47:56.340 so. Bradley Chandler says, Ryan, I see many other men on this post talking about money finances during

00:48:03.860 COVID as a certified financial people. I talk to people all the time. Could it be helpful to give

00:48:07.900 some advice on how to set yourself up for loss of income or unexpected expenses? Yeah. You know,

00:48:12.860 we've talked about that in the past. In fact, I've got a couple of podcasts coming up where we're

00:48:17.080 going to actually talk about specifically how to deal with financial issues, especially as like you

00:48:21.960 said, Bradley, unexpected events come up. So definitely important. Okay. Let me see what else we

00:48:30.380 got here. How did you win your wife back when you were separated? I've got plenty of podcasts and

00:48:36.060 conversations, including the conversations I've had with her. I've actually had her on the podcast

00:48:39.600 three or four times. Go back and listen to those ones that are very, very good. Let's see.

00:48:48.440 How did you pick your homeschool curriculum? A lot of people are homeschooling right now, guys,

00:48:52.140 we've homeschooled. This will be our second year. So we started last year when we moved here to Maine

00:48:58.080 and this was before the whole COVID thing. And so we're kind of ahead of the curve just a little

00:49:03.280 bit slightly. But yeah, we just did some research. We found what, what we liked and what sounded good

00:49:08.080 and what tied into our beliefs and philosophies and how we wanted to teach and what we wanted our

00:49:12.320 children to learn. And we rolled with it and it's been good. We've made some adjustments along the

00:49:15.700 way. Look, I've told you guys, I'm not, I'm not a, an analytical person. I'm an intuitive person.

00:49:24.560 So when I see something, I'm like, yeah, that sounds good. I do it. And if it's good, I keep

00:49:28.040 doing it. If it isn't, I adjust. So that's the elements of research that we did. We use a program

00:49:33.280 called the good and the beautiful kind of sounds like a, like an old soap opera. I used to have to

00:49:37.720 watch when my grandma would, but it's called the good and beautiful. And it's, it's been a great

00:49:42.920 curriculum. Now we've supplemented with other little things as we've seen needs arise. One of my

00:49:49.340 children is it appears is dyslexic. So we're going to have to incorporate some different

00:49:54.920 learning into, into their curriculum, but you know, you just piece it together and you're the

00:50:02.020 parent, you know, your kids bet, you know, your kids better than a teacher would. And Hey, you know,

00:50:06.620 bless those teachers hearts. They've got 25, 30, 40, 50 kids. Yeah. You're, you're going to know

00:50:12.020 your two to three to four kids better than they know they're 30 that they deal with. And you're going

00:50:16.700 to have more influence. So you're going to be able to cater a learning curriculum better than a

00:50:22.920 teacher would. Some people say, well, teachers are professionals, right? But you're a parent.

00:50:28.040 So it's, it's kind of your job. Okay. So if you're not, if you don't feel good about it,

00:50:32.840 like teaching your kids, then learn, because that's what parenthood is trial and error learning

00:50:38.000 as you go, figuring it out. That didn't work. That did work. Tweet, tweak this, adjust this,

00:50:42.220 get better at this structure, this discipline. Oh, this child needs to be disciplined this way.

00:50:45.680 And this child needs to be disciplined that way. So I think we ought to be careful of outsourcing

00:50:50.440 the entire education or learning process to the quote unquote professionals. And they are, look,

00:50:55.960 I know that teachers do wonderful things, but I have friends who are teachers who are so bogged down

00:51:01.160 with red tape and paperwork and trying to, trying to meet this, this demand or, or common core and some

00:51:09.080 of these other programs. And it's just stripped away any ability for them to effectively teach these

00:51:15.540 children, the way they know how to, and the way they have a desire to. So there you go.

00:51:24.140 Let's find another one here. Eric Kovac says, have either of you, and he's talking about KIP,

00:51:29.180 unfortunately you don't get KIP today. You just get me. So for better or worse,

00:51:32.120 but have either of you struggled with a lack of mental toughness? If so, what steps, steps did you

00:51:37.280 take to build that up? You know, I actually don't think I've ever really dealt with,

00:51:41.420 with mental toughness issues. I've certainly dealt with complacency. I've certainly dealt with

00:51:47.980 laziness and, and just settling into the current results, whether they were under performance or,

00:51:56.020 or even now we're at the level that I, that I desire. Sometimes it's hard for me to continue to

00:52:01.420 push when we have enjoyed some, some mild success. So that, that is something that I slip into quite

00:52:08.960 often, but as far as mental toughness, you know, I, it is, it just isn't something that I've dealt

00:52:13.660 with. Like I've always, I've always been the kind of guy where if I have this thing or this thought

00:52:18.160 in my mind, uh, I just make it work. And I just put my head down. I'm sure some of it is just in,

00:52:24.460 in my nature, just like it is for some of you guys. And I'm sure some of it is nurture being around the

00:52:29.920 right people is very important. Having the right systems is very important. Also knowing yourself,

00:52:35.620 Eric, knowing yourself, knowing what drives you, what motivates you, what inspires you,

00:52:40.880 what derails you, what temptations you have. You need to be very honest and do a very critical

00:52:46.600 assessment of how you perform. And some people won't do this. A lot of men actually won't do

00:52:51.720 this because they're worried, uh, that it'll point out some vulnerabilities or flaws in, in who they are.

00:52:57.960 And it will, if you're doing this assessment the right way, you will actually point out where

00:53:04.080 you're falling short and where you're inadequate. But I would rather know that so that I can improve

00:53:09.580 it. Then bury my head in the sand, like an ostrich and, and, and not see it, but then get kicked in

00:53:15.340 the balls by whatever life has to throw at you. I want to know ahead of time so I can adjust

00:53:22.220 accordingly. So while some people want to remain ignorant about their underperformance, I want to be

00:53:30.780 very aware of that so I can fix it. So I hope that gives you at least some ideas, find the right

00:53:36.720 people, surround yourself with the right people, have the right systems and know yourself. All right,

00:53:41.800 let's take a few more. Uh, are the daily tasks for the battle planner things for that specific week

00:53:49.360 or just that day? So I don't have it right here. It's over here on my other desk, but a lot of you

00:53:56.020 guys have seen the 12 week battle planner. You can go to the store and check it out and just type in

00:53:59.900 battle planner. A couple of different planners will come up, but you'll, you'll see it as,

00:54:04.140 as a component of the battle planner. There's the daily tasks, which will be on the bottom left of

00:54:09.240 that planner in the store. Uh, and what I do is the night before I go in there and write the task

00:54:16.420 that needed to get done for the next day. So it might be five, it might be 10, it might be 20,

00:54:21.060 whatever it is. And typically what happens, uh, Dwayne on this is that I'll get like, if there's 10

00:54:29.080 things, let's say I'll get five or six of them done today. I fully realized that I probably won't

00:54:35.100 get all 10 or whatever it is a hundred percent today. And I'm okay with that. Cause what I do

00:54:39.340 is I go and say, okay, what's the most important thing? This is then when that's done, what's the

00:54:43.500 next most important thing, the next most important thing. And so on down the list. So let's say I get

00:54:47.740 five or six done. Well, then what I do is I just roll it over to the next day. The 12 week battle

00:54:53.200 planner is it's, it's broken up in a weekly segment. So they're just going to be on there.

00:54:58.600 It says daily tasks, but it's for the entire week. So I get the six done, cross them off.

00:55:03.760 Then I got the four remaining. Well, you know, in the next 24 hours, something else is probably

00:55:07.780 going to come up. So I've got the four that rolled over from Monday to Tuesday. And then today I've got

00:55:13.260 another four things. So now it's eight. And then today I get four of the eight done. Now another four

00:55:18.440 roll over and you got pick up five new tasks I need to do. So it's kind of like a rolling daily

00:55:23.840 task. And I can see, and it's valuable for me. This goes back to the question that Eric was asking

00:55:30.160 about mental toughness and knowing yourself. It's valuable to know what drives you, what motivates

00:55:37.940 you. And when I see a list of 10 things and I literally check, put a checkbox by six of them,

00:55:43.520 I feel good knowing that I got 60% done. And I also am hopeful and excited about getting the other

00:55:51.740 four done. So this is how I've worked best. And this is why I put the battle planner together like

00:55:55.840 that. So that's a great question. It is for that day, but I realized I'm not going to get it all done.

00:56:01.720 And so I just roll it to the next day. And I do that rolling process every single evening, guys.

00:56:07.200 It doesn't start in the morning. It starts in the evening, the night before. So the night before I've

00:56:11.120 got the 10 things, I'm like, cool. I got those four done six. Okay. When I get in tomorrow,

00:56:15.340 you know, I've got a podcast at nine or I've got a podcast at this time, and I'm going to do this

00:56:19.480 task first, then this task. So I prioritize that evening so that when I come in the next morning

00:56:26.500 to my office, which happens to be in my house here, I can just get straight to it. Just, you know,

00:56:32.600 I might do some reprioritization just based on new tasks that came up or new things I need to get done

00:56:36.920 over the evening, but yeah, I can just jump right into it. And that's very, very valuable.

00:56:42.020 Okay. Oh, what else? What else we got here? How can, okay. Here's an interesting one. How can I be

00:56:48.880 more open and talk about my emotions with other men? I don't have a group of men I can connect with

00:56:53.400 to share what I'm feeling. And I feel like I need to find a group. How can I do this?

00:56:57.840 There are some podcasts that I've done is how to build a band of brothers.

00:57:01.500 Steven Mansfield has a great book titled how to build a band of brothers that, that can,

00:57:06.540 that can walk you through this. But yeah, I think you've got to look to your immediate circle now.

00:57:12.100 And this goes back to a previous question about a men's community in your area. Look to your current

00:57:18.140 circle, have a formula for what you guys want to do, whether that's playing sports or whether that's

00:57:23.420 getting together and reading the Bible or doing a weekly get together to discuss the Friday field

00:57:30.040 notes from the previous week. So you have your formula and then you can just invite one or two guys

00:57:35.260 and you get that core group of guys. And now you start having them invite people, uh, you know,

00:57:40.280 talking about your feelings. You know, I, I hear that. And I, and I'm just telling you from my

00:57:45.940 perspective, if I, if, if you came to me and said, Hey, you know, Ryan, I want to build this

00:57:50.640 community and I'd love to have you be part of it. And where we talk about our feelings,

00:57:54.600 you know, that's not something I would be interested in. Uh, but I don't think it has to be catered

00:58:00.480 towards how do we talk about our feelings? Like this isn't sitting around the campfire, holding

00:58:05.020 hands and singing Kumbaya, right? This is let's do something. Let's play sports or have some sort

00:58:12.260 of like common objective that we can work towards. And what you'll find Marty is that you'll find by

00:58:18.280 having that common objective or that purpose, you will be able to have some of these meaningful

00:58:23.580 discussions, uh, about your life and what you're experiencing. But I would not build it around.

00:58:30.820 Hey, I just want to connect guys with guys so we can share our feelings.

00:58:35.260 There are, I know there's going to be guys who may be interested in that, but the overwhelming

00:58:38.840 majority of us are not going to be interested in that. We just want to go to the shooting range.

00:58:42.860 Oh, and by the way, we'll, we'll talk about some of these things while we're doing

00:58:47.120 these activities. Okay. I hope that helps. Gary Gray says, how have each of you changed for the

00:58:55.800 better over the past five years of operating order of man? What have you learned about yourselves?

00:59:00.540 You know, I like this question because I'm actually feeling pretty good over the past,

00:59:03.940 I would say even several months, more so that, than I have at any other point in my life.

00:59:08.880 I feel confident. I feel bold. I feel inspired. I feel motivated. I've got the systems in place that

00:59:14.540 allow me to thrive and succeed. And, you know, sometimes I'm up and down with my health goals

00:59:19.140 or some other ambitions and things that I have, but primarily it continues to grow. If we scan out

00:59:23.600 the curve is on an accelerated exponential growth curve for me, financially, spiritually,

00:59:30.880 with my fitness, the relationship I have with my wife, the business, all of that stuff.

00:59:36.580 I'm just more confident. I'm more confident because I do have a purpose. I do have a goal. And people

00:59:41.200 say, well, how do you find your purpose? That's, that's not a great question. And I'll tell you why

00:59:46.000 it's too passive. How do you find your purpose? It's too passive. It's like one day you're walking

00:59:52.200 in the woods and you trip over a rock and there it is. There's your purpose. It doesn't work like

00:59:58.200 that guys. So I choose not to use the language of finding your purpose. Instead, I would say,

01:00:04.060 how do you develop a sense of meaning in your life? This goes back to the question. The gentleman

01:00:09.500 earlier was asking about, you know, which, which path do I choose? Firefighting, LEO, medical ice

01:00:15.540 carvings. It's about developing meaningful work in your life. And that's what we've done here with

01:00:23.300 order of man. When I started, I had no idea that this would grow into what it is today. I had no

01:00:28.520 idea to have the conversations with the men I have. I'd have no idea that we'd be reaching hundreds of

01:00:33.340 thousands, if not millions of men across the planet. Quite literally. I had no idea. All I

01:00:39.300 knew is that I was interested in it. And I took a step and it worked. And I took another step and

01:00:44.500 that worked. And I took another step and maybe that one didn't quite totally work, but then I took

01:00:48.680 another step and that one did. And so the whole learning and growing process and proving that I'm

01:00:55.260 capable and getting better in all ways in my life keeps me on the path and keeps me on the track.

01:01:01.080 And so it's exciting. I'm definitely more, that's the, that's the number one takeaway is I'm,

01:01:07.900 I'm more confident now than I have been at any other point in my life, because I know I'm here.

01:01:14.080 I know what my goals are. I have a plan for achieving them. And I actively work towards it

01:01:19.380 every single day. All right, let's take one or two more.

01:01:23.480 Here's one that James Matthew King says, how to build assertive slash aggressiveness. If that isn't

01:01:32.560 your natural inclination. And I actually like, uh, what Boomer Mueller says here, he says, do hard

01:01:38.840 shit. That's a good suggestion. Actually, like do something that scares you, do something that's hard.

01:01:46.940 And the more you do that, the more you prove yourself that you're capable of doing it. I'd be

01:01:51.080 careful about a movie, moving to aggressiveness. Since you use that term, because this is what

01:01:57.060 happens with a lot of quote unquote, nice guys. And I'm by the way, guys, when I say nice guys,

01:02:01.960 I'm not talking about kind. Okay. You all can, you're all capable of discernment and understanding

01:02:08.020 context. Is it okay to be nice? Of course. But I, I consider that more kindness. When I say nice guy,

01:02:14.960 what I'm talking about is the guy that gets railroaded. He doesn't share his ideas. He's

01:02:20.220 very passive. Um, he doesn't want any sort of confrontation. That's what I'm talking about.

01:02:25.820 When I say nice guy, kindness is just being a kind person, you know, going to the post office

01:02:32.480 and seeing that somebody has a bunch of, you know, bags in their hands and opening the door

01:02:37.540 for that individual. That's, that would be a kind, respectful thing to do. That doesn't make you a

01:02:41.340 nice guy. Okay. There's a difference, but what a lot of nice guys will do as they're trying to

01:02:47.280 overcome their nice guy-ness is they'll go too far. They'll turn into dicks. They'll just be jerks to

01:02:55.800 everybody because they think, okay, this is how I do it. And, and you know what, if you're a nice guy,

01:02:59.820 you're going to, you're going to have that little pendulum swinging. So your idea is just not to move

01:03:05.760 it too far to move it just one step. And how do you do that? Boomer says, do things that are hard.

01:03:11.080 Absolutely. Do things that are hard. Practice it. When, when somebody says, do you have an opinion?

01:03:18.520 Practice sharing your opinion. When somebody says, uh, where would you like to eat for lunch today?

01:03:25.120 The nice guy will say, Oh, I don't care. Wherever you want to go. Well, if you're trying to work

01:03:29.640 towards being more assertive, then you should say, I'd really like to go to Olive Garden. I'd really

01:03:35.860 like to go to this new Mexican food place that I haven't tried before. So you try it. Another very

01:03:41.940 practical tip is asking for discounts. Wherever you go, just ask for a discount. It's going to be

01:03:48.660 super uncomfortable, super awkward, especially if you're not used to being assertive. So you're at

01:03:55.440 the store and I've done this. In fact, we had an exercise like this in the iron council,

01:03:59.100 several months ago, if not years ago now at this point. And for the whole week or the whole month,

01:04:03.980 I can't remember what we did. The goal was anytime you spent money, you asked for a discount. So if

01:04:10.000 it was online, you sent an email and you said, Hey, I'm buying this thing. Do you have any coupon codes

01:04:13.760 or a discount? I remember one time specifically, I was at a clothing store and I think I was buying

01:04:19.320 some shoes and we get up to the register and they say, okay, it's a hundred, a hundred dollars or

01:04:23.280 whatever it was. And I said, do you have any, uh, do you have any discounts right now?

01:04:26.360 And the, and the guy was like, discounts for what? I said, discounts for the shoes. Like,

01:04:31.780 do you have any sales going or can you offer any discount for it? He's like, um, I don't know.

01:04:37.280 I've never had anybody ask me that. I'm like, okay, well, so do you. And he's like, yeah,

01:04:41.880 I think we can, we can give you 10% off. It's amazing how often it actually works if you just do

01:04:48.420 it. And then you get better at being rejected. Cause I had some people say, no, we don't have any

01:04:51.980 discounts and you realize, oh, okay, well it's not the end of the world, but you asked. So you can do

01:04:56.580 these little practical exercises, practice saying no without giving a reason. So if somebody asks you

01:05:02.460 to do something, I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to do that. And that's it. Very, very difficult,

01:05:08.960 deceivingly difficult to do, but you start doing these little things. You're going to get very,

01:05:13.160 very good at, uh, at being assertive. Just be careful not to swing the pendulum too far

01:05:18.480 over into just being a jerk to everybody. Cause that's obviously not what you're trying to

01:05:22.300 accomplish here. Okay. All right. This is the last question. Um, Justin Messacar says,

01:05:31.140 how has your child's education been changed these days? And how have you adjusted?

01:05:36.020 Have you implemented more at home education? Yeah, well, certainly I've, I've implemented more

01:05:41.440 at home education because we've done homeschooling for the past two years. So yeah, I mean,

01:05:45.080 they're at home learning and it's better. It's more specific. It's more catered. It's more

01:05:50.960 efficient. When we first started homeschooling, I remember my wife got done with schooling after

01:05:55.000 two to three hours. And I thought it can't be done. They didn't learn everything they need to learn.

01:05:58.880 And we had a long conversation about it. And actually they were getting everything they needed

01:06:02.800 and more at home in a period of two to three hours than they were in the public school system.

01:06:09.020 And this is not to bash on the school teachers. They're doing the best they can.

01:06:12.320 But if you've got 25 or 30 kids or even more, and you have to operate under the no child left behind,

01:06:19.520 then I don't know how else to say it other than the school teacher is playing to the lowest common

01:06:25.540 denominator. I know that's not a very like humane necessarily way to say it. Cause we're talking

01:06:29.940 about a child's education, but that's the truth. It's the reality is that the least intelligent

01:06:36.740 child in the class is getting the attention and everybody else is having to play down to that

01:06:44.360 level. And then on top of that, you have, uh, transitions between class times and you have

01:06:51.740 recess and you have lunch and you have assemblies and you have announcements and you have all of

01:06:56.600 these little inefficient things throughout the day. And it turns what should take two to three hours

01:07:01.460 hours into a seven, eight hour ordeal where the child is actually not learning to their own

01:07:08.120 capabilities. So I really enjoy the fact that our children are homeschooled because they're getting

01:07:16.300 more information. They're learning better. They're getting more attention. Just like I told you with

01:07:21.860 one of my children who has dyslexia, we think they're going to get more, uh, catered approach,

01:07:27.800 an individual, unique approach to ensure that we address that issue. So it's better on every metric.

01:07:36.060 The only metric it's not better on, I will say this caveat is the social element, of course,

01:07:40.380 right? So we have friends over, we have men that come here for our events. So my children get to

01:07:46.500 interact with adults, which I like, I want my children interacting with adults. Cause at some

01:07:50.620 point they will be adults. Uh, but we have neighbors and friends and my kids are involved in sports and

01:07:56.520 they go to CrossFit. And so there's other opportunities for them to engage and get the

01:08:01.380 social dynamic that I believe is crucial to their learning. Like when I was a kid,

01:08:05.580 the homeschoolers were the weirdos and they were, they were socially awkward, but that's becoming

01:08:11.920 less and less of a, of an issue as homeschooling becomes a more viable option. Uh, and you can still

01:08:18.960 be involved in sports and there's homeschooling groups that we're part of plenty of opportunities. So

01:08:24.540 yeah, as, as you're well aware, I'm a, I'm a huge advocate for homeschooling, not to mention I get

01:08:31.440 to decide what my children learn, not just with, with their learning, like their math and their

01:08:35.960 reading and writing and all that stuff, but culture, the way that the world works, all of the

01:08:42.600 stuff is coming from the most important person it can come from their parents, not their school

01:08:47.420 teachers or the government, what the government would dictate. Okay. All right, guys. Well, I'll answer

01:08:53.460 this one too. Jason Schnitzer says any hunts planned for this fall. Yeah. I'm going to be hunting here.

01:08:59.360 We've got a bear hunt. We've got a Turkey hunt. Uh, in another month, I've got a whitetail hunt with

01:09:05.840 some friends. And I also might have another whitetail hunt planned for Pennsylvania. And we were going to

01:09:13.760 go to Hawaii either late this year, early next year to hunt there with my wife and kids, but with the

01:09:20.580 restrictions and lockdowns that might not be possible. So maybe early spring for that. So

01:09:24.800 we've always got something on the books because we enjoy that. All right, guys, I got through a lot.

01:09:30.960 Hopefully answered some good questions for you. Hopefully you got some valuable perspective from

01:09:34.780 this and insight. Uh, keep asking those questions, keep sharing, keep being resources for each other,

01:09:39.900 uh, share the podcast, join the battle ready program, order man.com slash battle ready. And if you're

01:09:45.840 interested, cause I know there was a couple of questions about how to build, uh, organizations

01:09:50.460 or groups of men and have some of this accountability in this brotherhood and camaraderie, then check out

01:09:55.080 the iron council, which is our exclusive brotherhood. You can find that at order of man.com

01:10:00.340 slash iron council. All right, guys, that's all I've got today. I will be back tomorrow for our Friday

01:10:06.200 field notes. And of course, next week for our interview and Kip will be back next week. Some of you

01:10:10.900 are excited about that. Some of you, maybe you're grumbling about that. Either way, Kip will be back

01:10:15.300 next week and, uh, we'll keep rocking. Thanks guys. Until then, go out there, take action and

01:10:20.520 become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:10:25.120 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:10:29.100 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - September 09, 2020

The Disparity between Males and Men, Using Regrets to Your Advantage, and How to Conquer Fear ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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