Order of Man - The Hero's Journey, Being Methodical, and Holding People Accountable ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 If you look at all of our favorite movies,

00:00:02.100 they always have a mentor that comes.

00:00:04.040 Obi-Wan is a great example.

00:00:05.640 Another one, think about Gladiator.

00:00:07.580 Marcus Aurelius was Maximus's mentor,

00:00:10.580 but then he goes through this hardship.

00:00:12.580 And then who comes into his life?

00:00:14.100 Well, yeah, I think the guy's name is Proximo,

00:00:16.180 who was responsible for the slaves,

00:00:18.420 but gave him an opportunity and trained him

00:00:20.340 how to win the crowd.

00:00:22.240 So every great hero has a mentor that comes in.

00:00:26.840 That's you, to your point.

00:00:28.160 You are the mentor.

00:00:29.040 You're not the hero.

00:00:31.340 Holy cow, Kip.

00:00:32.540 Man, sorry about the technical difficulties.

00:00:34.700 We were laughing about it.

00:00:36.520 It's amazing how computers don't want to work

00:00:39.260 when you just, they go to sleep

00:00:41.640 or you unplug them for a day or two.

00:00:43.340 And we were laughing because it's like going to sleep.

00:00:46.160 Imagine going to sleep and then waking up in the morning

00:00:49.060 and forgetting everything that you've learned forever

00:00:51.980 and having to restart every single day.

00:00:54.460 I don't, I don't, people say it's user error.

00:00:57.700 Ah, maybe, maybe to some degree,

00:01:00.560 but it's also computer error in 2025.

00:01:03.660 Yeah.

00:01:03.900 Maybe a little bit of memory leaks on the PC or the Mac

00:01:07.660 as well as user error, right?

00:01:10.460 Yeah.

00:01:10.980 Who knows?

00:01:11.560 Anyways, here we are, man.

00:01:12.820 Let's, let's do it.

00:01:14.640 Ask me anything today.

00:01:15.600 Excited to dig into some questions.

00:01:16.940 I know we have some questions from our guys in,

00:01:19.580 uh, in Facebook at facebook.com.

00:01:23.580 Yes.

00:01:24.220 Facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

00:01:26.720 And then over in our exclusive brotherhood,

00:01:28.980 which is open until the end of the year at the iron council.

00:01:31.780 You can find that at order of man.com slash iron council.

00:01:36.700 Sounds good.

00:01:37.480 Let's get into it.

00:01:38.460 Brian Lama.

00:01:39.600 Uh, when coming out of the Valley of a season of one's life,

00:01:44.600 should you ascend quickly from there or go deliberately slow?

00:01:51.460 Uh, probably both or either depending on the situation.

00:01:55.380 Um, I've used this analogy before when you're off-roading,

00:01:59.580 let's say you're on a dirt road and it's after a rainy season.

00:02:05.060 Maybe it's springtime snow melts coming down.

00:02:08.360 Maybe there was a fresh rain and you notice that somebody tore through there

00:02:13.000 and there's just ruts in, in the dirt, uh, in the dirt road.

00:02:18.680 Sometimes in order to get yourself out of the rut,

00:02:21.020 you need to do something that's going to be a little violent.

00:02:23.760 It's going to be a little extreme to get yourself popped up out of that rut 0.98

00:02:27.080 and you jerk on the wheel. 0.82

00:02:29.120 It pops you up out of the rut.

00:02:30.120 Then you have to maintain vigilance as you're out of the rut.

00:02:32.660 So you don't slide back into the rut because that rut is trying to pull you in.

00:02:37.600 So I think when you're coming out of a season of life,

00:02:40.140 I think that it's probably worth considering.

00:02:45.920 I'll say it that way,

00:02:46.760 that you should really begin to mix up your life.

00:02:51.700 That is an opportunity to do something new,

00:02:54.920 to explore a new career path,

00:02:57.040 to do something you've always wanted to do,

00:03:00.180 pursue a hobby, go on a vacation, go on a trip,

00:03:02.480 just mix things up a bit,

00:03:04.440 knowing that whatever you are going to do may not be prudent in the long run,

00:03:09.100 but, and not sustainable,

00:03:10.980 but it might rejuvenate you,

00:03:13.740 energize you,

00:03:14.900 motivate you and inspire you to get on a path that you've been off for so long.

00:03:20.700 So I think it's okay.

00:03:22.860 The short answer is,

00:03:24.040 I think it's okay to just come out of the gates,

00:03:26.420 just hit it hard,

00:03:27.380 not to mix metaphors,

00:03:29.340 but come out of the,

00:03:30.080 out of the box swinging and then working into a battle plan,

00:03:34.940 working into something that's going to be more sustainable long-term.

00:03:38.340 Yeah.

00:03:38.980 What do you think Brian means when he says ascend quickly?

00:03:42.100 Uh,

00:03:44.800 well,

00:03:45.600 I see this all the time when guys join the iron council,

00:03:49.260 let's say they're dealing with a breakdown of a relationship or they're dealing with a health scare or a financial catastrophe.

00:03:58.060 And they realize that they need to improve their lives.

00:04:01.840 So they'll come into the iron council and they'll try to change everything all at once.

00:04:07.840 And while I appreciate the enthusiasm,

00:04:11.980 we know that it's not sustainable.

00:04:14.460 And what I would encourage somebody in that situation to do is to just slow down just a little bit.

00:04:20.420 Instead of trying to fix everything all at once,

00:04:22.740 maybe let's focus on the one thing that will improve every other aspect of your life.

00:04:28.400 So right now,

00:04:30.420 let's say you're struggling in your marriage.

00:04:32.360 What's the one thing that will improve that aspect of your life?

00:04:36.700 I would say maybe contrary to popular belief that you should dial in your physical health.

00:04:41.960 I really believe that will improve your relationship,

00:04:45.300 your finances,

00:04:46.080 other aspects of your life.

00:04:47.320 So start eating a little cleaner,

00:04:49.380 go to bed a little earlier,

00:04:50.760 wake up a little earlier and maybe hit the gym three to five days a week for 45 minutes.

00:04:56.420 There's other things you should be doing,

00:04:58.240 of course,

00:04:59.160 but focusing on that one thing will automatically improve everything as opposed to focusing on

00:05:04.960 everything and not really moving the needle at any one thing.

00:05:08.820 Yeah.

00:05:09.180 So maybe ascend quickly in this space of consistency around top priority items,

00:05:14.620 but maybe deliberately slow in regards to not all of the things.

00:05:20.760 And,

00:05:21.140 and identify the top items.

00:05:23.280 So that's where you could ascend quickly,

00:05:25.380 identifying the top priorities items deliberately slow is don't try to tackle everything all at once.

00:05:32.240 Yeah.

00:05:32.760 And I don't,

00:05:33.220 I wouldn't even use the word deliberately slow because that has a negative connotation to it.

00:05:37.800 You know what word I would use?

00:05:39.500 Methodical.

00:05:40.700 Yeah.

00:05:41.340 Intentional.

00:05:41.980 Yeah.

00:05:42.720 Right.

00:05:43.620 And,

00:05:43.980 and,

00:05:44.200 and being methodical is intentional,

00:05:46.500 right?

00:05:47.860 It's,

00:05:48.420 it's having a system.

00:05:49.620 It's having structure.

00:05:50.920 It's building in the discipline.

00:05:53.500 It's doing the work when you don't feel like doing the work.

00:05:57.260 It's knowing that in the longterm you are going to create results if you're doing the right thing,

00:06:02.360 although you may not experience it in the short term.

00:06:05.100 So being methodical,

00:06:06.620 I've used the term robotic in the past,

00:06:08.620 but I think that takes out some of the human element to it.

00:06:11.360 And obviously there is a human element being methodical means you're being thoughtful.

00:06:15.880 You're being considerate.

00:06:17.120 You can also take into consideration considerations other aspects of your life,

00:06:21.420 but you are focused.

00:06:24.440 You are mission driven and you will not be deterred.

00:06:27.640 That's what I think about when I think of methodical,

00:06:29.980 you know,

00:06:30.200 Kip,

00:06:30.440 here's a great example.

00:06:31.380 You're very methodical when it comes to training in a lot of aspects of your life.

00:06:35.620 I've seen it.

00:06:36.540 We've been friends for a long time.

00:06:38.080 I see it in jujitsu.

00:06:39.280 I saw it when you got into archery.

00:06:40.960 I knew you'd be successful with bow hunting because of how methodical you are.

00:06:45.320 You set up for the shot properly.

00:06:48.880 You test different angles.

00:06:50.480 When you're out in the field,

00:06:51.840 you take feedback really well,

00:06:54.080 whether it's something you've observed or whether it's advice somebody else might be giving you.

00:06:58.580 When you're training jujitsu,

00:07:00.160 you're doing one thing,

00:07:01.220 not for that one thing,

00:07:02.300 but then to get them to do something else so you can do something else so they can do something else.

00:07:06.440 And then you finally set your trap.

00:07:08.780 That's the kind of methodical I'm talking about.

00:07:12.180 Yeah.

00:07:12.820 Yeah.

00:07:13.340 I love it.

00:07:13.920 Well, and this is great for Brian because he's actually a brand new member within the Iron Council.

00:07:19.400 So welcome, Brian, and get on boarded and get on that team.

00:07:23.040 And hopefully this kind of gives you some guidance as you build that battle plan.

00:07:28.260 Yeah.

00:07:29.080 Excellent.

00:07:29.780 Yeah.

00:07:30.260 All right.

00:07:30.760 Kaleeb Kamir,

00:07:32.340 as I progress in my business I started last year,

00:07:35.460 I need to increase my pricing to pay myself more and other expenses that come up.

00:07:39.640 I've had some original clients that supported me in this in the beginning and continue to support me.

00:07:44.800 But when I started, I was just doing my private chef services for costs,

00:07:48.560 which is all I was charging them.

00:07:50.600 How do I communicate a price increase and still frame it in a way that supports the relationship?

00:07:55.700 For context, I do this business on the side of my full-time corporate restaurant job.

00:08:00.800 And I take events here and there when my calendar permits.

00:08:03.680 What I would do is I would frame it all under the context of why it's beneficial for them.

00:08:10.440 So let's give you a couple of scenarios here.

00:08:13.120 Let's say I'm one of your private coaching clients,

00:08:15.540 whether it's for my family or for gatherings that I hold regularly.

00:08:20.400 You might approach it this way.

00:08:21.860 And I'm just paraphrasing.

00:08:23.380 I'm shooting off the cuff a little bit here.

00:08:24.700 But you might say, if I'm talking to you, Kip, here's what I'd say.

00:08:27.560 Hey, Kip, I just wanted to address something with you.

00:08:30.060 It's not the most comfortable conversation, but I do want to address something with you.

00:08:33.900 As you're well aware of, the economy continues to,

00:08:38.420 inflation continues to hit, the price of goods and services, and the cost of food goes up.

00:08:43.780 And while I hate that, I still want to maintain you and a handful of other people as clients of mine.

00:08:52.360 And what I've noticed is that if I continue to charge the prices that I've charged,

00:08:55.880 then I have to service everybody.

00:08:57.620 And what I want to do is I only want to work with the people I really want to work with.

00:09:02.800 And that's you and about five other families and corporate businesses that I work with.

00:09:08.100 But in order to justify that, my prices are going to go up a little bit.

00:09:11.800 But let me tell you why that's in your best interest.

00:09:14.300 Number one, I'm going to have fewer clients,

00:09:16.060 which means I'm going to be more available for you at your discretion.

00:09:20.160 Number two, the quality of the food and the service is going to go up.

00:09:23.740 I'm going to be able to bring in a sous chef.

00:09:26.240 I'm going to be able to source local ingredients.

00:09:30.200 I'm going to be able to be more creative with my dishes.

00:09:33.060 And I'm going to improve the quality of your experience.

00:09:35.800 And so that's why I'm coming to you one-to-one to tell you this,

00:09:38.880 rather than just dump this on you next time you hire me for an event or a dinner or a booking.

00:09:44.460 I would say something like that.

00:09:46.020 What do you think, Kip?

00:09:47.500 I think it's spot on.

00:09:48.960 I mean, here's the other thing, Khalid.

00:09:51.980 If you're working with primarily businesses, and I'm trying to read your question again

00:09:57.640 to see if this is for individuals versus businesses.

00:10:02.040 If it's for businesses, this is not that uncommon, right?

00:10:07.180 Like rates go up all the time.

00:10:09.340 Everyone's increasing rates from time to time, from year to year, right?

00:10:12.680 And so you might be, just from a mindset perspective, kind of blocking yourself here,

00:10:18.440 thinking, oh my gosh, I'm going to lose all these clients when in reality, you're solid.

00:10:23.700 And maybe do some market research.

00:10:25.200 Make sure that you're not outpricing yourself.

00:10:28.000 And if you are going to outprice yourself and be more expensive than the market,

00:10:31.640 then you need to double down on why you're worth more than everybody in the market.

00:10:37.260 But if your strategy is to be cheaper than everybody else,

00:10:39.960 then understand where the market sits.

00:10:43.500 I would probably suggest, just like a lot of small business owners,

00:10:48.260 you're probably undervaluing your services.

00:10:51.560 I remember this.

00:10:52.780 I'm Ryan.

00:10:53.380 I'm sure years back, you did the same thing.

00:10:56.260 I remember when I used to do consulting, and I was like, $40 an hour, no one's going to pay that,

00:11:02.180 right?

00:11:02.480 And within five years, my rate was up to $200.

00:11:05.480 And I couldn't even believe I used to charge people $40 an hour.

00:11:11.000 I just, you know, you get sideways sometimes, and sometimes you're your worst enemy when it

00:11:16.020 comes to your value and your rates.

00:11:20.240 Yeah, I agree.

00:11:21.540 I mean, I think you can test it a little bit.

00:11:24.100 And the one thing I wouldn't do is just hide it and just drop a bomb.

00:11:27.320 Yeah.

00:11:27.460 I mean, people do that all the time.

00:11:28.660 And you also don't want to dwell on it too much either, because then you'll talk yourself out of

00:11:33.400 it.

00:11:34.200 Yeah.

00:11:34.480 So address it, say what it is, find a happy medium.

00:11:38.640 There's one other thing that I often think about when I see sales professionals talk about their

00:11:43.900 products and services.

00:11:44.820 They'll say it in the context of how good their stuff is.

00:11:49.280 So let me give an example.

00:11:50.740 I come to you again, Kip, and I say, hey, we are justifying this price increase because

00:11:54.940 our food is the best.

00:11:57.140 Our food is better than the competitor.

00:11:59.280 Our food is made with quality.

00:12:01.000 You know what?

00:12:01.540 As a person who's hiring you, sure, maybe that counts a little bit, but that framing doesn't

00:12:06.160 matter to me.

00:12:07.300 Service.

00:12:07.660 Because your food isn't the best, okay?

00:12:10.200 Like, it's not.

00:12:11.420 Yeah.

00:12:11.600 There's, it's probably delicious, but there's plenty of other chefs out there who make just

00:12:16.160 as good a food as you do or sell the same type of widget somebody else sells.

00:12:20.200 When I was in financial planning, I got in this habit of saying, oh, we're the best because

00:12:25.200 of, you know, the products that we offer.

00:12:27.800 Everybody else offers the same products, but I had deluded myself.

00:12:31.920 So when you're, whenever you're adding or explaining benefit, do it from the perspective of them.

00:12:37.680 So instead of saying my food's the best, here's what I would say.

00:12:40.260 You're going to love the way that we combine the flavors.

00:12:45.940 When you leave one of our dinners, you're going to feel like a million bucks because

00:12:53.200 of how healthy the food is, how good it sits and fuels your body.

00:12:57.180 Or here's another one, your client, if you're doing a business event, your clients are going

00:13:04.460 to think that you spent way more than you did on this event.

00:13:08.680 And you are going to be a hero because I'm going to make sure they think you have this

00:13:15.420 figured out and some secret that they're not aware of.

00:13:19.060 Yeah.

00:13:19.700 Those are the kind of conversations.

00:13:21.280 And so what I would do is I would always have about five to 10 of those on hand for

00:13:26.360 the most common objectives and your best selling points and just memorize what they are verbatim

00:13:32.200 word for word.

00:13:32.880 So you can just spit those out without talking about the features and more about the benefit

00:13:37.380 from the customer's perspective.

00:13:39.280 Yeah.

00:13:39.960 Yeah.

00:13:40.400 You hit the nail, the nail on the head.

00:13:42.620 For me, it's, it's about story brand.

00:13:45.180 It's a great book around marketing.

00:13:46.940 And it's all about how do you make sure the client's the hero?

00:13:51.740 How do you make sure they look good?

00:13:53.200 You're not, you're not selling yourself as a hero.

00:13:55.600 You're selling yourself as Obi-Wan Kenobi.

00:13:57.580 They're Luke Skywalker.

00:13:58.720 You're going to help them destroy the Death Star.

00:14:01.200 They're going to get the praise.

00:14:02.940 How do you make them heroes?

00:14:04.680 And, and it's interesting too.

00:14:06.200 A lot of this comes down to understanding what's important to them.

00:14:09.600 You know, when you're giving the example of food taste, obviously there's a baseline that

00:14:14.580 needs to be met there, but the client may not care about that as much.

00:14:18.480 What they may care about is quality of relationship and service from you.

00:14:23.740 We're going to be extra tentative.

00:14:25.400 We're going to be on top of it.

00:14:26.660 We're going to, you know what I mean?

00:14:27.860 We'll be on time.

00:14:29.120 You know what I mean?

00:14:29.840 The quality of the service and the relationship is probably what they might care more about

00:14:35.240 than the actual food itself.

00:14:36.800 This is where like the trades get sideways, right?

00:14:40.040 They're like, oh, we do these great roofs.

00:14:41.960 How about just being on time?

00:14:43.320 Um, how's that?

00:14:45.220 That would be nice.

00:14:46.380 I'll like, I'd pay extra money for that.

00:14:48.760 So get clear on what's important to your customer.

00:14:51.200 Yeah.

00:14:52.340 I really liked that idea of, of the hero's journey.

00:14:55.000 That's, that's originated, I believe from Joseph Campbell called the hero's journey.

00:14:58.680 And if you look at all of our favorite movies, they all, they always have a mentor that comes.

00:15:03.940 I'll be one is a great example.

00:15:05.320 Another one.

00:15:06.060 Think about gladiator.

00:15:07.680 Marcus Aurelius was, um, Maximus's mentor, but then he goes through this hardship and

00:15:14.400 then who comes into his life?

00:15:15.760 Well, yeah, I think the guy's name is Proximo who was responsible for the slaves, but gave

00:15:21.140 him an opportunity and trained him how to win the crowd.

00:15:24.320 Right.

00:15:25.240 Yeah.

00:15:25.460 Uh, another one is Braveheart.

00:15:26.940 We think about William Wallace's first, his father, who he really admired and looked up

00:15:32.360 to, but then he has this tragic, tragic situation who comes in to save him his uncle Argyle.

00:15:37.300 And he teaches him how to fight with his mind and use the sword.

00:15:41.680 So every great hero has a mentor that comes in.

00:15:46.660 That's you to your point.

00:15:47.940 You are the mentor.

00:15:49.040 You're not the hero.

00:15:50.580 Yeah.

00:15:51.300 Yeah.

00:15:51.840 Love it.

00:15:52.560 All right.

00:15:53.140 Dwayne, uh, Lube, I'm working on my mindset and conversations and how I show up.

00:15:59.100 What do you think about the concept of being unarmored as opposed to being vulnerable as

00:16:04.860 in a bunch of cells in their team rooms, making plans and getting after it are still dangerous

00:16:09.720 or a samurai in their Joe dojo honoring their skills, but they have no need to wear full body

00:16:15.480 armor and weaponry for the individual protection because of the external safeguards of their

00:16:21.140 compound or location.

00:16:22.580 They can be free from feeling like they are under attack, but they are not weak, harmless

00:16:27.940 men.

00:16:28.560 This is just an environment where they can actually make themselves better.

00:16:32.660 I love the analogy actually.

00:16:34.860 I do too, but I think we're conflating a few things because we're not saying that the

00:16:41.140 samurai never puts his armor on.

00:16:43.860 Why, why would he even have armor if he didn't ever put it on?

00:16:47.500 So sure.

00:16:48.340 He's safe within the walls of the compound under the watchful eye of, of, you know, sentinels

00:16:56.400 and guards and lookouts and sure, of course.

00:16:59.980 And so when you are with your band of brothers, you can be more honest and you can be more

00:17:06.200 humble about the things that you're struggling with or the things that you're dealing with

00:17:09.720 to go back to jujitsu.

00:17:10.880 When you go to a match, you put your armor on, you're not going to, you're not going to walk.

00:17:16.720 Let's say your knee's hurting you.

00:17:18.160 You're not going to walk out onto the mat with a gimp showing your enemy that you, that your 1.00

00:17:23.460 knee's hurting because he's going to exploit your knee.

00:17:26.100 But at training, what would you do?

00:17:27.780 Hey guys, we need to take it easy on my knee.

00:17:29.720 Please don't attack my leg today.

00:17:31.100 So that's, that's the better analogy.

00:17:35.200 And, and I think that's what he's saying.

00:17:36.780 So unarmored, sure.

00:17:39.280 Um, and here's another thing that, and not all the time.

00:17:43.100 So understand even in personal relationships, you, even with your wife, people say, oh,

00:17:50.480 you should share everything.

00:17:51.780 I'm like, everything, like literally everything.

00:17:56.400 I don't, I don't think so.

00:17:58.420 Not, not to be deceitful, but to shield and protect.

00:18:03.800 She doesn't need to know all of the intricacies of your business and how hard certain things

00:18:08.600 were.

00:18:09.040 She needs to know things that are relevant to her, but I don't think you need to disclose

00:18:13.320 everything.

00:18:13.940 And you certainly, even if you believed you did, shouldn't disclose it in the way you always

00:18:18.180 feel like disclosing it.

00:18:19.640 Yeah.

00:18:20.560 The sky's falling.

00:18:22.800 Right.

00:18:23.980 Right.

00:18:24.380 Cause if you come home and you're like, Hey hon, uh, the boss was talking about laying,

00:18:28.580 laying off half the workforce today and we're scrambling and we're going to be, she's going 1.00

00:18:34.300 to freak out rightfully.

00:18:36.620 So, so you have to be a little bit careful of that.

00:18:39.360 This might be semantics, but we all often hear of this term safe space.

00:18:45.620 And we, we were kind of joking in the iron council years ago.

00:18:49.120 I don't know if you remember this kid, but everybody kept saying safe space.

00:18:51.820 Cause that was a big thing years ago.

00:18:53.540 It's not so much anymore.

00:18:55.020 And I can't, I think it was Reese or somebody had made the comment that this is not a safe

00:19:00.320 space.

00:19:00.700 It's a secure space.

00:19:03.400 And I like that distinction because secure means that there's still threats and that

00:19:09.860 we're watchful of and we're wary of, but we have systems in place to ensure that we're

00:19:15.920 secure from whatever those threats are safe.

00:19:19.080 Safe just means there's no threats at all.

00:19:20.560 We're safe.

00:19:21.000 We're good. 1.00

00:19:21.700 And that is stupid because then you're going to be blindsided. 0.99

00:19:27.800 So I like, I like what he's saying. 1.00

00:19:29.680 I would agree with that.

00:19:31.100 Unarmored, secure in the right situation.

00:19:33.940 And then know when to shield up, armor up and get ready to do the thing.

00:19:38.140 And I think I've heard you say this over the years, there's distinctions based upon the

00:19:42.260 relationship, right?

00:19:44.340 And for those that we are serving, maybe that's not the, that's the group.

00:19:48.700 That's not the group.

00:19:49.400 The group is the people that are serving you or you're getting coaching from or something

00:19:55.920 else.

00:19:56.200 But this is, you know, just like I, I use the example of our relationship with our kids,

00:20:00.100 right?

00:20:01.480 I'm not going to dump on my kids.

00:20:02.820 Why?

00:20:03.340 Because it's my job to preside and serve them and to protect them.

00:20:07.320 And because of that, that's a relationship where I'm not as open or unarmored to use this

00:20:13.260 term.

00:20:14.140 That's where I'm a little bit more careful.

00:20:16.220 Why?

00:20:16.860 Because does it serve them or am I unloading, right?

00:20:21.560 To serve myself, right?

00:20:24.300 And so be mindful of why you're doing it.

00:20:26.580 I think that's one thing that we rarely ever consider, you know, people, the enlist people

00:20:32.520 with their victim traps, with their victim mentalities.

00:20:36.100 Why?

00:20:36.700 Why are you doing it?

00:20:37.820 You know, so be mindful.

00:20:38.940 Why are you opening up?

00:20:40.820 What's the point?

00:20:41.740 What's the intent?

00:20:42.500 Are you getting coaching or are you just looking for validation?

00:20:45.280 And, you know, be mindful of that.

00:20:48.060 Yeah.

00:20:48.820 I think the why is really important.

00:20:51.260 And that's one of the biggest issues I have with the whole vulnerability movement is people,

00:20:56.620 whether they, whether others have intended it or not, people are interpreting that as

00:21:02.180 vulnerability for vulnerability sake.

00:21:04.700 Yeah.

00:21:05.060 That's not, that's not what we do guys.

00:21:08.040 Look, I understand the concept of vulnerability.

00:21:10.760 People mock me and laugh at me because I hate that word.

00:21:12.960 I do hate it because it means something different to everybody. 0.99

00:21:15.660 And because it's just become this really soft excuse to be weak and pathetic. 0.99

00:21:22.440 You don't have the right to be vulnerable. 1.00

00:21:25.960 You should be humble.

00:21:27.540 You should be honest, but vulnerability for the sake of being vulnerable.

00:21:31.560 Now, why would I be humble and honest with you, Kip?

00:21:34.860 So that we can develop and build a relationship on trust.

00:21:38.380 Yeah.

00:21:40.220 But would I do that if you were my mortal enemy?

00:21:44.060 No.

00:21:45.260 How does that serve me?

00:21:47.520 It doesn't.

00:21:48.280 It only hurts me.

00:21:49.300 So we really need to exercise some level of discernment and acknowledge that even, even

00:21:57.840 the word vulnerability, the, the idea of it is to recognize weaknesses so you can do something

00:22:03.940 about it.

00:22:04.940 Yeah.

00:22:06.280 If I'm in charge of that samurai compound and I noticed that there's some weak architecture

00:22:11.900 on the West wall, that's a vulnerability.

00:22:16.660 So then I'm going to enlist who I need to enlist and we're going to shore that up and

00:22:19.800 we're going to fix it.

00:22:20.540 So we're no longer vulnerable.

00:22:22.780 That's the point of vulnerability.

00:22:24.900 Yeah.

00:22:25.240 I love that.

00:22:27.080 As a closing thought, I was considering this a couple of months ago.

00:22:31.420 What's the point of faith to, to move to action?

00:22:35.840 What's the point of knowledge to move it into action?

00:22:39.180 What's the point of being vulnerable and open to move to action?

00:22:43.820 What are you going to do with it?

00:22:45.800 If it's just a feel sorry for myself and feel validated, that's not, that's not enough.

00:22:51.260 It needs to move to action.

00:22:53.680 Yeah.

00:22:54.820 Agreed.

00:22:55.760 Fully.

00:22:56.360 All right.

00:22:56.840 Mike Rendine, not a question, kind of a statement.

00:23:01.060 So any thoughts you have age gap relationships, I don't even know what, like what classifies

00:23:07.180 an age gap relationship, 10 years, five years.

00:23:12.500 I mean, an age gap is anytime there's a gap in age, right?

00:23:15.320 So what I think what he's asking is what is appropriate and what is not, you know, you

00:23:19.520 often hear the, the rule of what's the rule divide, divide, what is the rule divide your

00:23:26.780 age in half and add seven.

00:23:27.980 So if you're, if you're 40, the, the, the unwritten rule is that you can date as low as 27.

00:23:34.560 I don't know.

00:23:35.100 I think that's a pretty big gap.

00:23:37.660 I there's, there's a problem here.

00:23:41.180 Okay.

00:23:41.800 And the problem is, and you, and typically it's, it's older men with younger women.

00:23:46.960 And the problem with that is that you are not at the same level.

00:23:55.100 You're just not.

00:23:56.560 Just, even just life experience.

00:23:58.560 Maturity, security, maturity, security.

00:24:01.660 Now, generally a woman is going to be more interested in safety and security from her 1.00

00:24:07.500 partner than a man is from his partner.

00:24:09.480 And generally speaking, a man is going to be more interested in vitality and vibrance and,

00:24:16.280 and beautiful being beautiful than his female counterpart might.

00:24:22.000 That's not to say that being secure isn't important to men or finding or women finding

00:24:28.260 men attractive isn't important to them.

00:24:29.940 It is.

00:24:30.620 It's just how we prioritize it.

00:24:33.020 But at some point you've got to realize that this is a little girl.

00:24:38.540 Hmm.

00:24:39.480 All right.

00:24:39.780 If you're 40 years old and you're dating a 20 something, I would say in the lower ends

00:24:44.940 of the twenties, she's a, she's a child.

00:24:48.660 Yeah.

00:24:49.720 She doesn't.

00:24:50.460 And you know what?

00:24:51.220 And you're, you're also preying on her.

00:24:53.700 She doesn't know what she's doing.

00:24:56.300 She doesn't know anything about life.

00:24:59.100 She hasn't had difficult experiences and gone through hardship.

00:25:03.260 And she's still probably somewhat, you know, doe eyed and, and a little, 0.95

00:25:09.380 a little naive about what the real world actually entails.

00:25:12.380 And here you come in and you seem like the mature man and you've got your financial stability

00:25:17.440 in place and you think she's beautiful.

00:25:19.000 Sure.

00:25:19.440 But what do you talk about?

00:25:22.660 She's, she's going to talk about Barbies and makeup and you're talking about business empires

00:25:26.900 and creating a legacy.

00:25:28.520 What the hell are you two talking about?

00:25:31.400 And also what happens when, if there's a big age gap, what happens when you turn, you know,

00:25:40.200 60 or 70 years old and she's 40 or 50?

00:25:43.220 Like, I can't imagine that would be a very pleasant experience, experience for a younger woman. 1.00

00:25:54.500 Yeah.

00:25:54.980 She's leaving you at the adult daycare centers, what she's doing. 1.00

00:25:58.960 Yeah.

00:25:59.500 You want her to change your diapers? 1.00

00:26:01.160 I mean, come on.

00:26:02.200 So I, I think obviously there's, there's an age gap that I think is, I would say culturally

00:26:11.460 acceptable or even appropriate.

00:26:12.960 I would say it's sub 10 years, uh, in general.

00:26:16.980 Yeah.

00:26:17.620 Um, much more than that.

00:26:19.500 I think there's a lot of issues that could arise from that.

00:26:24.200 And I understand both sexes, natural inclination for a woman to choose someone a little older 0.99

00:26:31.040 and for men to choose someone a little younger.

00:26:34.440 Also be smart, ladies and gentlemen, be smart, find somebody within your age range.

00:26:41.520 So you guys can relate and build a family and grow together.

00:26:44.900 And I know there's going to be a lot of guys who probably have a big age discrepancy.

00:26:48.620 You're going to say, well, you know, well, you don't even know what you're talking about.

00:26:50.980 Look at me and my wife.

00:26:52.020 I'm like, that's good.

00:26:53.300 That's good.

00:26:53.900 If you guys have a good relationship and you're 13 years apart or something and,

00:26:58.260 and it works for you and the dynamic works for you, but I'm just saying you better be

00:27:02.260 prudent and vigilant about how those dynamics will shift when you want to sit around and

00:27:07.160 watch TV because you're too tired.

00:27:09.100 And she's still full of excitement and enthusiasm.

00:27:12.020 She wants to go tour the world.

00:27:15.080 What's that going to look like?

00:27:16.620 There's a lot of, there's a lot of considerations I think here outside of she's hot. 0.69

00:27:21.580 Yeah.

00:27:22.240 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:22.460 Well, and here's the secret to look past the hot factor is just remember how stupid 1.00

00:27:28.360 you were at 27 and say, would I hang out with me at, at this age? 0.99

00:27:33.680 And the answer is no, I would not be hanging around me.

00:27:37.120 So what makes her any different other than her hotness? 0.93

00:27:40.020 Yeah.

00:27:40.860 Well, and I think that's the thing you really have to consider, you know, if you're going

00:27:44.340 to, if you, and I hope it's the case that you want to be in a long-term relationship

00:27:48.380 with this woman is you have to consider, is this somebody I actually enjoy being around?

00:27:54.900 Yeah.

00:27:55.900 Cause she's going to get some wrinkles and she's going to get a little saggy and you're

00:28:01.440 going to put on some weight and you're going to get wrinkles and that, that standard of

00:28:07.400 beauty changes.

00:28:09.260 And then what are you left with?

00:28:10.780 Now he's probably like, dang it, I wanted to date a 25 year old and he's 45 or something.

00:28:19.120 And I'm like, sorry, dude.

00:28:22.060 All right.

00:28:23.800 Caleb Johnson, uh, say you've screwed up and you've not been holding someone or a group

00:28:29.660 accountable. 0.98

00:28:30.460 How do you switch to setting a line in the sand without looking like a hypocrite or like 1.00

00:28:35.900 you're being an ass? 1.00

00:28:36.920 Oh, so this is, okay. 1.00

00:28:39.860 This is a good, this is a good question.

00:28:41.660 So let me make sure I get it right.

00:28:44.220 He, he has not been holding people accountable, an accountability group.

00:28:48.300 I imagine it's maybe something in the iron council or something like that.

00:28:51.420 Yeah.

00:28:51.780 Maybe it's his family.

00:28:52.940 Who knows?

00:28:53.420 Yeah.

00:28:53.840 Yeah.

00:28:54.060 Or work.

00:28:55.360 And he hasn't been holding them accountable because he's not living up to his word.

00:29:00.340 Yeah.

00:29:00.740 So he doesn't have any late, any room to stand on when he tells somebody to do something

00:29:04.680 that he's not doing.

00:29:05.780 And he hasn't been holding anybody accountable.

00:29:08.500 And now he wants to start doing it.

00:29:10.980 Yeah.

00:29:11.920 So this goes, this is where vulnerability comes in.

00:29:15.000 This is actually a proper use of vulnerability.

00:29:18.160 So Kip, let's say you're my subordinate at work, but maybe that's not the right. 0.61

00:29:22.280 You're my employee.

00:29:23.080 What you understand?

00:29:23.840 You're my employee at work.

00:29:24.860 Yeah.

00:29:25.960 And, um, you know, I've been slacking off.

00:29:28.940 I've been getting there late.

00:29:29.860 I've been coming in early or late.

00:29:31.640 I've been leaving early.

00:29:32.740 I kind of dink around at work.

00:29:34.540 I'm not doing what I need to be doing.

00:29:35.900 And then all of a sudden I come to you and I'm like, Hey, you need to be here on time.

00:29:39.960 How well is that going to go over?

00:29:41.780 But, you know, instead of doing that, instead of being directive and this will apply, whether

00:29:45.840 it's business or family or, or friends is I might come to you and say, Hey Kip, you

00:29:51.780 know, I know that I have been slacking off lately.

00:29:55.560 I know I've been pretty weak on when I get here.

00:29:58.260 I usually stroll in about 30, 40 minutes late.

00:30:01.060 I leave about 30 or 40 minutes early.

00:30:04.340 Not as productive as I should be when I'm here.

00:30:06.820 And I'm sure you're well aware of that.

00:30:08.400 And I'm acknowledging that.

00:30:10.440 And I've been thinking about it for the past several weeks.

00:30:12.900 And I think my behavior has rubbed off on everybody else because what I'm seeing is I'm seeing

00:30:20.940 a trend of other people rolling in late and other people leaving in early and other people

00:30:25.900 not being productive.

00:30:27.280 So what we're going to do moving forward is we're all going to commit to each other right

00:30:32.240 now that we're going to be here on time and that we're going to leave on time and that

00:30:36.620 we're going to be productive in these certain ways.

00:30:38.500 And I'm going to hold you accountable to that because it's important to me.

00:30:42.840 And I think it's important to you.

00:30:44.080 And it's important to this organization and you are going to hold me accountable.

00:30:48.120 So if I'm not here, you have every right to say that I wasn't on time either.

00:30:52.420 And I think we can do this together.

00:30:54.640 What do you think?

00:30:56.440 That's vulnerability.

00:30:57.640 That's the proper use of it.

00:30:59.320 You're using your humility in order to achieve a desired outcome.

00:31:04.240 And then you have to stick with it, right?

00:31:06.140 That's the hard part.

00:31:07.460 You actually have to do it now because everybody's looking to you.

00:31:10.820 That's how I would do it.

00:31:12.140 Yeah, I love it.

00:31:13.120 The only thing I would add as a consideration is why the change, like get present to the

00:31:19.740 change, not just like, Hey, I've been late and I've been slacking.

00:31:22.780 I want to go there because then it's like, I've been slacking and guess what, Ryan, you're

00:31:26.940 slacking too.

00:31:27.660 It's a little accusatory own it, man.

00:31:31.540 I haven't been showing up and it's affecting the organization and the team's performance in

00:31:36.560 a negative way.

00:31:38.160 And we're not going to be able to achieve our goals and be the successful team that

00:31:42.640 we want to be and hit our numbers if I'm showing up that way.

00:31:47.160 So here's my commitment moving forward.

00:31:49.920 And I'm going to hold you guys accountable to ensure that I'm supporting you in showing

00:31:55.800 up powerfully as well.

00:31:57.260 That way, the accountability isn't this form of attack, right?

00:32:03.320 But it's a support system to help others achieve greatness as well.

00:32:08.180 And I would, I would make it about something greater than ourselves and just us performing.

00:32:13.820 It's how we show up powerfully as a team and support the organization moving forward.

00:32:18.080 Yeah, I like that.

00:32:19.680 I, you know, I'd also add, if you can get buy-in from them again, whether it's your family or

00:32:24.480 team members, and you might say, so we really need to improve our performance.

00:32:29.040 I liked what you said.

00:32:29.860 You see, you say what, what you just said.

00:32:31.820 So guys, here's what I think we ought to do.

00:32:34.120 What metrics can we all agree on that we ought to start looking at for productivity, accountability,

00:32:40.720 et cetera, and let them decide.

00:32:43.600 I love it.

00:32:44.720 Now you might have to sprinkle your own thoughts in there, but they're, they're going to come

00:32:47.940 up with some good answers.

00:32:49.020 And now guess what?

00:32:50.340 You say this all the time, Kip.

00:32:51.900 They're bought in.

00:32:52.520 It was their idea.

00:32:54.340 It was not your idea.

00:32:55.380 They're the ones that said, I want to be on time.

00:32:57.780 I want to leave on time.

00:32:59.380 I want to be productive in this way.

00:33:00.760 I want to hit these KPIs.

00:33:02.360 They said it, not you.

00:33:03.800 And when other people say it, they can't argue.

00:33:06.240 They're less inclined to argue against it, I should say.

00:33:08.980 Yeah, absolutely.

00:33:10.360 Yeah.

00:33:10.640 Great question, Caleb.

00:33:12.260 Red Camel 8819.

00:33:14.480 How do you recommend being the decision maker in a family while also taking my wife's opinion

00:33:21.760 into consideration?

00:33:23.400 I need to step up as a leader in my household, but I don't want to come across as a dictator.

00:33:30.560 Yeah.

00:33:30.900 I think you just say that.

00:33:33.120 Hey, babe.

00:33:33.660 Hey, I really want to be decisive.

00:33:36.860 I want to lead the family to where we're going.

00:33:38.760 I don't want to come across as a dictator.

00:33:41.520 Is there, are there some things that you think would be able to help?

00:33:43.900 So, you know, I'm taking you into consideration as we're making these decisions.

00:33:46.960 That's one.

00:33:48.180 Another one is just include her in the process. 0.53

00:33:50.080 To go back to what you said a minute ago is explain the why.

00:33:53.080 Hey, babe.

00:33:53.460 I really think we need to move this direction as a family.

00:33:55.880 We need to get together on a weekly basis and have a family meeting.

00:33:58.500 And I think it'd be really important for us to be able to connect with the kids.

00:34:01.820 And man, I feel like we're losing them as they get older.

00:34:04.500 And there's so many outside factors that are influencing them.

00:34:09.720 What do you think about something like that?

00:34:12.640 And then let her, you were decisive.

00:34:15.480 You gave direction.

00:34:16.840 You said, we're going to do this.

00:34:18.880 You framed it as a question.

00:34:20.500 And then you let her give you some input on the way it should be done.

00:34:24.400 And she's good at that. 0.55

00:34:26.200 She will be really good at that.

00:34:27.600 And you are going to make the decisions.

00:34:29.880 Or if she comes to you and says, Adam Lane Smith talks about this.

00:34:34.940 I can't remember the terminology he used.

00:34:37.460 But he said, women are really good at identifying what's wrong. 1.00

00:34:43.500 And then men are good at being the CEO of the relationship.

00:34:46.160 So a woman might say to you, like, hey, you know what? 1.00

00:34:49.400 I just think we're struggling and we're not connected as much as we should be.

00:34:53.960 That's her telling you there's a problem.

00:34:55.940 And then it's your job as a man to fix it.

00:34:59.160 So you might say, hey, hon, I hear that.

00:35:01.960 I think part of the reason that is is because I've been so busy with work.

00:35:04.940 But I understand you want to be more connected.

00:35:06.600 So do I.

00:35:07.720 Let me think about that.

00:35:09.420 And then you come to her later that evening or you come to her tomorrow and say, hey,

00:35:12.280 I thought about three things that you and I could do to be more connected to each other.

00:35:15.420 I could be a little bit better with my professional schedule so that I get home at a more reasonable

00:35:20.400 time throughout the week, except for Tuesday.

00:35:22.260 I do need to stay late every Tuesday night.

00:35:24.280 But the other days I'll be here on time.

00:35:27.280 I thought we could do a weekly date night.

00:35:30.920 And I thought that once a month or once a quarter, we take a little mini long, long weekend.

00:35:38.080 Would that, if we did that, would that help you feel more comfortable about being connected

00:35:42.940 to each other?

00:35:44.080 Yeah, it would.

00:35:44.780 Good. 0.98

00:35:46.160 Then you execute.

00:35:47.160 You're the CEO.

00:35:48.040 Then you execute.

00:35:49.420 Then you do that.

00:35:50.220 You start showing up on time.

00:35:51.900 You plan the dates.

00:35:53.400 And even with dates, it's as simple as saying, hey, hon, date night Friday.

00:35:57.640 We do it every Friday night.

00:35:58.860 Sitters lined up.

00:35:59.620 We're good there.

00:36:00.560 New restaurant in town.

00:36:02.020 I know you love sushi.

00:36:03.820 So I booked that for us.

00:36:05.320 Now, if she's allergic to shellfish, I wouldn't take her to Red Lobster. 0.82

00:36:10.160 Okay, that's what we're talking about when it's being decisive and taking her into consideration.

00:36:14.800 You don't need to ask her where she wants to go to dinner.

00:36:17.120 You know where she wants to go to dinner. 1.00

00:36:18.820 And if she's allergic to shellfish, she doesn't want to go to Red Lobster.

00:36:21.940 So don't book Red Lobster.

00:36:24.280 That's how you be decisive while taking her into consideration.

00:36:28.380 Yeah.

00:36:28.820 Do you feel that Red Camel, like his question, he says,

00:36:32.840 how do you recommend being a decision maker in the family?

00:36:37.480 Is it just he wants to lead and preside better than he is?

00:36:42.200 And is he mixing those two things together that it has to be his decision versus guiding a decision?

00:36:50.820 Do you get what I'm saying?

00:36:53.040 Well, so a leader, I don't think that a leader does everything.

00:36:57.180 A leader makes sure everything gets done.

00:37:00.920 So you don't need to be the one to do it all.

00:37:04.180 You need to be the one to ensure everything gets accomplished and completed.

00:37:08.740 So there are going to be elements where you're going to delegate.

00:37:11.920 But I'm just telling you, women do not want to make decisions. 1.00

00:37:17.120 They already make enough decisions throughout the day.

00:37:19.380 And by the way, you're better as a man at making decisive decisions.

00:37:24.560 I'm not saying women can't make decisions. 1.00

00:37:26.160 Don't misunderstand me.

00:37:27.220 I'm saying you as a man are biologically hardwired to be decisive.

00:37:34.120 Get all the data, get all the facts, and then decide.

00:37:37.620 That's what you're designed to do.

00:37:40.320 Women, they loop. 1.00

00:37:43.080 The things, they like circular.

00:37:45.720 They even do it in their relationships.

00:37:47.000 Like, for example, when your wife goes out with her friends and she comes back and you say,

00:37:54.880 hey, hon, how was the night?

00:37:56.280 What does she say?

00:37:57.340 She tells you everything.

00:37:59.120 Oh, Cindy's dealing with her grandmother who's passing away.

00:38:02.580 And Lucy's daughter had a boo-boo on her knee. 1.00

00:38:06.300 And so-and-so had this bad grade at school.

00:38:10.020 And then little Timmy, and I'm like, who's Timmy?

00:38:13.060 And they're like, oh, that's Stephanie's aunt's brother's sister got suspended from school.

00:38:18.980 Can you believe that?

00:38:20.140 He said a swear word in the classroom. 1.00

00:38:22.920 And you're like, holy shit. 0.99

00:38:24.680 I was just saying, like, did you have a good time? 0.99

00:38:28.880 And then, but then when men get together, here's what happens.

00:38:32.620 Yeah.

00:38:33.420 You come home and she says, hey, how was the night?

00:38:36.180 And you're like, yeah, it was good.

00:38:37.720 And she says, oh, how's Kip?

00:38:39.840 Nice.

00:38:40.340 He's good.

00:38:41.160 Well, how's it?

00:38:41.660 How's Asia?

00:38:42.260 How's the kids?

00:38:42.840 I'm like, I think they're pretty good.

00:38:44.240 Well, what have they been up to?

00:38:46.220 I don't know.

00:38:46.760 I don't know.

00:38:48.060 Well, what, like, are they, are they ready for Christmas?

00:38:51.760 Do they get their Christmas shopping done?

00:38:53.800 I don't know.

00:38:55.560 Well, what'd you guys talk about?

00:38:58.080 I don't know. 0.99

00:38:59.500 But I beat him bowling or I outshot him at the pistol range or he kicked my ass at jujitsu. 0.99

00:39:05.520 Yeah. 0.98

00:39:06.000 But I decisively determined that they're good though, despite not knowing any of that stuff.

00:39:11.640 Yeah.

00:39:12.320 It's directional.

00:39:13.360 It's like, I don't know about it.

00:39:14.460 I don't need that stuff.

00:39:15.780 It's not wrong. 0.84

00:39:16.500 I'm not saying it's wrong.

00:39:17.380 Yeah.

00:39:17.720 We're laughing at the sexes. 1.00

00:39:19.700 Women will laugh at men because they're like, you don't even know your friends. 1.00

00:39:22.620 I'm like, I know my friends just as well as you do.

00:39:25.040 It's different.

00:39:26.260 Yeah.

00:39:26.620 And men will laugh at women because it's like, who cares about all that stuff? 0.99

00:39:30.780 They do.

00:39:31.840 That's good.

00:39:33.020 But you're hardwired to be decisive.

00:39:34.740 That's why I think he's wanting.

00:39:36.700 And you know what?

00:39:37.300 Here's another thing about that.

00:39:39.600 I don't know a situation, but what I've seen a lot of the times is men will not be decisive

00:39:46.000 for years, even decades.

00:39:49.240 And their wife will assume the masculine role and she'll start being decisive. 1.00

00:39:54.160 And then he wants to figure out how to wrestle control back.

00:39:58.600 And he's having a hard time because she doesn't believe that he can, because he's proven time

00:40:03.700 and time again that he can't and won't.

00:40:05.760 And here's what happens in a lot of relationships.

00:40:08.680 The man stops making decisions.

00:40:11.640 The woman starts making decisions. 1.00

00:40:14.360 And the man says, well, why is she making decisions? 0.78

00:40:16.400 I should be able to make decisions.

00:40:19.140 She doesn't believe that you can.

00:40:20.980 So she felt that she was obligated to do it because if she didn't do it, nobody would do it.

00:40:27.060 And she just became the man in the relationship.

00:40:29.020 She just put the pants on in the relationship. 1.00

00:40:31.180 And you just put the panties on. 0.73

00:40:33.400 Yeah.

00:40:33.520 And then you try to start making decisions and then she's, then you're head to head battling,

00:40:38.480 right?

00:40:39.420 In regards to making decisions.

00:40:41.020 Yeah.

00:40:41.840 That's right.

00:40:42.620 So if that situation arises, you have to do that slowly.

00:40:47.680 If you're noticing yourself in an environment where your wife has been making the decisions 0.99

00:40:52.200 for years, then you need to start making decisions with little small things.

00:40:57.360 And it might be, Hey, um, I noticed that the fence needs to be repaired and I would like

00:41:06.820 to do that on Saturday.

00:41:07.660 I'd like to repair the fence this Saturday.

00:41:10.060 Do we have anything going on?

00:41:11.400 I need to be aware of.

00:41:13.260 Do you see how you made a decision?

00:41:15.180 You said, I would like to do that.

00:41:16.600 This is what I want to do this Saturday.

00:41:18.080 But you also gave her a little bit of lead by saying, is there anything that you have planned

00:41:22.880 that I wasn't aware of?

00:41:25.120 And then you actually have to do the fence.

00:41:27.360 You have to get up out of bed before her without saying anything.

00:41:33.440 And you need to go to the lumber yard, go to the hardware store, get the stuff.

00:41:36.940 And when she wakes up or comes, gets ready for the day, you have to be working on the

00:41:41.320 fence and you don't need to say anything.

00:41:43.080 You don't need to get, you know, your belly rubbed and pat it on the head and say how good

00:41:46.720 of a boy you were.

00:41:47.580 You just do it.

00:41:49.940 And then if you want to take her out, you say, Hey babe, I was thinking about Saturday

00:41:53.240 night.

00:41:53.800 Um, man, there's this new restaurant in town or this new.

00:41:56.900 This new thing, this new movie.

00:41:58.280 And I really wanted to take you out this weekend.

00:42:01.040 Um, I think this, this restaurant at seven o'clock would be good.

00:42:04.980 And, um, I can line up a babysitter, but does that work for your schedule?

00:42:10.000 Again, you're leading, but giving her autonomy because she's used to having it and you do

00:42:14.320 that enough and you can start doing it on bigger things down the road.

00:42:17.060 Um, yeah, the proper feedback.

00:42:18.760 Love it.

00:42:19.580 All right.

00:42:20.060 Last question.

00:42:20.880 Tony Simone.

00:42:22.660 Um, it was a little hard to read.

00:42:25.580 So he, he's mostly asking about working on tactics that are difficult.

00:42:32.220 He says he finds it easier, more satisfying to go for a run than to fix the garage, then

00:42:37.560 to eat sugar or waste time on social media.

00:42:39.960 So any tips for not making the, not doing more enjoyable?

00:42:45.660 Thanks for everything.

00:42:47.280 So kind of working on the harder tactics, right?

00:42:50.320 And not just doing all the, the things that we enjoy.

00:42:54.120 Yeah.

00:42:54.520 I mean, who wants to do stuff they don't like to do?

00:42:58.300 Yeah.

00:42:58.600 That's the reality of it.

00:42:59.580 So you can either delegate it or do it and attach it to the outcome.

00:43:04.620 Yeah.

00:43:06.620 That's really the only two answers.

00:43:08.080 Cause some of these things, they just, if it doesn't need to be done, then don't worry

00:43:10.940 about it.

00:43:11.280 But if it does need to be done, you need to delegate it or, or attach it.

00:43:14.900 Now, some things you can't delegate.

00:43:16.460 You can't unfortunately delegate exercising today.

00:43:19.560 Like you're the one that has to exercise today.

00:43:21.980 So I would, well, you can find something you enjoy.

00:43:26.800 You said running.

00:43:28.320 Yeah.

00:43:28.720 But too many guys are like, well, I'm supposed to do jujitsu.

00:43:31.060 Cause that's what kept, I don't, yeah, I don't care if you, you can do it or you can

00:43:35.020 be weak if you want.

00:43:35.940 Like, but that's, that's up to you. 1.00

00:43:39.580 You can be a coward. 0.99

00:43:40.080 It's up to you. 1.00

00:43:40.860 You can be a coward. 1.00

00:43:41.520 You can get your ass beat on a street fight. 1.00

00:43:43.500 I don't care. 1.00

00:43:44.160 That's, that's your decision.

00:43:49.880 You know, find something you like.

00:43:51.240 There's, there's ways, there's veins, but if you have to do it and you don't like doing

00:43:54.620 it, then just attach it to the outcome as best you can.

00:43:57.660 Like taxes.

00:43:58.440 I don't like doing taxes.

00:43:59.540 So I've delegated it, but there's still work I need to give.

00:44:02.480 So I like having clean books.

00:44:04.480 I like being financially free.

00:44:06.200 I like not having to have extra tax liability looming over my head at times.

00:44:10.460 So when my accountant, my bookkeeper sends me a message and she says, what are these 10

00:44:15.660 expenses for the last quarter?

00:44:16.920 I'm like, oh, like go in.

00:44:19.860 It takes me 10 minutes and I send it to her and I'm like, good.

00:44:21.980 Wash my hands done.

00:44:22.820 I need that to be done so I can run the business effectively.

00:44:25.640 So I think attaching to the outcome is going to help you do those hard to, hard to do things.

00:44:31.080 You know, there's a lot of other things too.

00:44:32.540 It might just be that you're low energy.

00:44:34.740 You know, so many people take on way too much stuff.

00:44:37.980 And then of course there's no room to do some of that.

00:44:40.740 So it gets pushed to the back burner.

00:44:42.900 You might be physically tired because you're not getting the proper sleep or you're not

00:44:46.620 in shape or you're not fueling correctly.

00:44:48.600 And so everything kind of seems like a laborious chore.

00:44:52.180 That's something you can consider as well.

00:44:54.240 Yeah.

00:44:54.940 I mean, for me, I just need to start taking action.

00:44:57.460 That's usually my dilemma.

00:44:59.160 Like I don't want to clean the garage, but, but if I just don't overthink it and I just

00:45:04.240 go out there and say, Hey, you know what?

00:45:05.900 I'm just going to work on it for 20 minutes.

00:45:08.400 That's not, you can do anything for 20 minutes.

00:45:11.900 Like that's not that big of a deal.

00:45:13.860 And once I start doing it, I feel great.

00:45:16.000 You know, it, it feels worse thinking about it and trying to avoid it than it is actually

00:45:20.780 doing it.

00:45:21.720 So I just try to move to action faster.

00:45:25.460 That's actually a good idea.

00:45:26.540 You could even break up these big, these bigger tasks into small manageable ones, like

00:45:32.940 cleaning the garage.

00:45:33.740 You might say, I'm not going to clean the entire garage.

00:45:37.480 I'm going to clean this segment.

00:45:40.160 Like I have this little rack, the shelving system in my garage and it's a mess.

00:45:44.660 It's the, it's where I put all of my stuff when I'm too tired to put anything away.

00:45:49.320 Yeah.

00:45:50.120 So it's a mess.

00:45:52.120 And my whole garage is kind of messy, but I can go do that.

00:45:56.260 That would take me an hour.

00:45:57.940 I can go do that.

00:45:58.840 And then I can move to my tool chest and that would take me an hour and I could do that

00:46:01.720 another day.

00:46:02.160 I don't need to do that today.

00:46:03.740 And then I can go unwind and, you know, watch the game or play with my kids or whatever,

00:46:08.560 but at least I got a little bit done and there's so much value in being productive and working

00:46:12.740 towards it.

00:46:13.140 Totally.

00:46:14.020 Yeah.

00:46:14.340 I always find for me, I just time box it, you know, I'm like, Oh, my commitment this

00:46:19.940 week is every day for X amount of time.

00:46:22.420 I'll work on that.

00:46:23.800 And when time's up, you have to stop because what will happen is you'll get into it.

00:46:29.060 You'll spend hours working on it.

00:46:30.620 And then tomorrow you won't do it because you wasted so much time yesterday.

00:46:34.520 Like you make it daunting, right?

00:46:36.940 So keep it, keep it short and sweet.

00:46:38.900 And then the next day you're like, Hey, just another 30 minutes.

00:46:41.720 No big deal.

00:46:43.060 Yeah.

00:46:43.800 I like that.

00:46:44.480 That goes back to the first question about, um, being methodical, uh, not, not excelling

00:46:51.020 too quickly.

00:46:52.660 Yeah.

00:46:53.280 And, uh, just doing it consistently over long periods of time.

00:46:56.740 Totally.

00:46:57.600 Cool brother.

00:46:58.760 All right.

00:46:59.140 We got through them.

00:47:00.060 Look at us.

00:47:00.820 Got them.

00:47:01.560 Thanks guys.

00:47:02.100 Good questions today.

00:47:02.880 I appreciate it.

00:47:03.500 Even with our, uh, tech, my technical difficulties, not yours, my technical difficulties.

00:47:07.920 Oh my gosh.

00:47:09.080 What a mess.

00:47:09.460 Yeah.

00:47:10.000 So a big call to action.

00:47:11.660 Uh, Ryan, you mentioned earlier, um, iron councils open.

00:47:14.900 Now's the time to join guys.

00:47:16.380 This is into the year.

00:47:17.500 Don't wait until January.

00:47:18.740 Uh, it's open for enrollment.

00:47:20.660 Join us there.

00:47:21.840 Order of man.com slash iron council, uh, to band with us.

00:47:25.780 And of course connect with Ryan on the socials X and Instagram at Ryan Mickler.

00:47:31.640 Anything else, Ryan as a call out?

00:47:34.580 Well, I just, I wanted to talk about the iron council real quick, and I wanted to do it in

00:47:38.040 a way that we were talking with, uh, I can't remember who asked the question about how to,

00:47:42.340 or we started talking about how to present this information.

00:47:44.940 And I'm going to give you a real world example specifically as it relates to iron council.

00:47:49.640 There's a couple of questions.

00:47:51.180 I want you guys to ask yourselves as you're thinking about this.

00:47:53.760 Have I ever felt like I'm destined for more, but don't know where to start?

00:48:01.780 Have you ever felt like you're doing life alone?

00:48:06.700 You're taking everything on, nobody's on your team, everything's against you, and you just

00:48:13.440 feel deflated because you aren't able to get as far down the road as you'd like.

00:48:18.360 Cause you're the one having to deal with and do everything.

00:48:21.840 Or here's another question.

00:48:23.720 Have you ever been committed to something deeply, deeply committed?

00:48:29.760 So excited about it, deeply committed to improving your relationship or improving your finances,

00:48:35.100 getting on top of things, feeling good about yourself, and you're really good for a week

00:48:40.400 or two, and then you slip back into old patterns and you feel worse about yourself than what you

00:48:47.620 did before you even started the thing because you failed yet again.

00:48:53.500 Those are the reasons you need to join the iron council.

00:48:55.740 If you said yes to any of those questions, that's why you should band with us.

00:49:00.540 So you have men who will not let you slip.

00:49:03.700 You have systems that will actually let you tap into the full potential that exists inside of you.

00:49:12.080 And if you're saying those things, especially over and over again, about this time of year,

00:49:17.240 the posts that I hear and the phrases people say is, 2025 was my warmup, 2026 is the year. 0.97

00:49:25.160 Well, damn, dude, how many warmup years do you need? 0.97

00:49:28.240 Cause you've been saying that for 10 years. 0.99

00:49:31.380 And what's really going to change?

00:49:33.700 This year, nothing, unless you do something different.

00:49:37.720 And that's where I think we might be able to help.

00:49:40.960 Yeah.

00:49:41.120 Just the probable future.

00:49:43.080 I always, that's how, where I always go with this is like, well, I'm going to start in the gym

00:49:47.280 in January.

00:49:47.780 Why?

00:49:48.880 You had that option last year.

00:49:50.060 So what's different.

00:49:51.580 And if you can't say what's different, then the probable future is you're going to keep doing

00:49:56.660 what you've always been doing.

00:49:58.600 Yeah.

00:49:59.160 You have to understand the pivot.

00:50:00.340 I think that was, I think that was a Khaled who was asking the question earlier, if I

00:50:04.760 remember correctly, but, uh, that's, that's how you communicate value.

00:50:11.360 And that's the value of course, that the iron council brings.

00:50:13.900 So killed two birds with one stone, gave you an example, encourage you guys to band with

00:50:17.780 us.

00:50:18.000 Guys, we appreciate you, uh, really great interview that just released yesterday with

00:50:23.100 John Lovell.

00:50:23.780 If you haven't, uh, listened to it, go back and listen to it.

00:50:26.460 Subscribe.

00:50:27.880 He had some amazing, amazing things to say.

00:50:30.560 Um, leave us a rating review and share this with a brother who needs it.

00:50:34.600 Guys, we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man.

00:50:38.160 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

00:50:42.320 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:50:46.300 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

00:50:49.600 On your décidé.

00:50:57.640 You're ready to join the order of man.

00:50:57.740 You're ready to join the order of man.

00:51:05.740 You're ready to join the order of man.

Order of Man - December 03, 2025

The Hero's Journey, Being Methodical, and Holding People Accountable ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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