Order of Man - The Immense Power of Brotherhood

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge

00:00:04.960 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.380 You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:16.900 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.560 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler.

00:00:27.300 I'm your host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here today.

00:00:31.780 And of course, welcome back. I'm glad you're tuning in. It's important to me. It's an honor

00:00:36.620 that I'm able to share ideas and insights and conversations with incredible men that I hope

00:00:41.500 serve you in some capacity as a man, as a father, husband, leader in your community, owners of

00:00:47.080 businesses, brothers, friends, coaches, mentors, et cetera, et cetera. We're going to talk about a

00:00:52.640 very important topic today. We're going to talk about the immense power of brotherhood. Guys,

00:00:57.220 it is so crucial that we find other high-quality, high-achieving, noble, ambitious, virtuous men

00:01:03.840 to band with, to surround ourselves with, to partner in business with, and to form relationships

00:01:10.860 with. I've had periods of my life where I've had some incredible men in my life, and I've

00:01:16.740 had periods of my life where I've isolated and done it alone. And I can tell you, life is

00:01:23.120 always better when there's other men in your corner rooting for you, cheering for you, in

00:01:28.920 the arena, battling and fighting with you. And so what I want to talk with you about today

00:01:33.340 is why this is so important. And we're going to talk about five or six key things to look

00:01:38.500 for in building this brotherhood that you're looking for. And then the second part of our

00:01:42.960 conversation is going to be centered around how do you find other guys like you who are motivated,

00:01:49.760 ambitious, righteous, virtuous, capable, driven men who you can partner with from a platonic

00:01:56.940 friendship type level, all the way to business relationships and everything in between.

00:02:02.100 Now, before I get into that, I want to do a shameless plug real quick. You can see I've

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00:02:10.940 store at store.orderofman.com. That's at store.orderofman.com. We've got this. This is the rust color.

00:02:18.620 We've got a yellow one. We've got a green one. We've got a blue one. We've got a black

00:02:21.860 one. We've got a red one. We've got brand new hoodies, three iterations of hoodies.

00:02:26.080 We've got some new jackets coming soon. We've got two new t-shirts that are available.

00:02:30.440 We have two new hats that are available. So I'm building the store back out. I made a post

00:02:35.300 on Instagram several months ago that I want to build this into the store alone, a seven figure

00:02:40.100 business. So I've been investing tens of thousands of dollars in inventory because I like it.

00:02:47.240 And also it's going to help us grow the movement. And I think you guys want to support what we're

00:02:51.980 doing here. So it's a good way to support what we're doing and get something that you can wear

00:02:55.440 that's practical this fall anyways. So check it out at store.orderofman.com. And also in the spirit

00:03:00.520 of our conversation today, I've got my Montana knife company water bottle. This is the blood

00:03:06.320 brothers water bottle. Uh, this is for anybody who has spilled blood, uh, in a hunt using Montana knife

00:03:15.120 company knives. So they're doing some really cool things. They're friends and partners of mine.

00:03:19.860 Go check them out at Montana knife company.com. And if you get a water bottle bottle, excuse me,

00:03:26.440 or a knife or a hoodie or a shirt or a whatever, use the code order of man at checkout. And you're

00:03:31.960 going to save some money that helps you save some money. It lets them know that you're finding them

00:03:36.140 through our platform here. All right. Store.orderofman.com. Montana knife company.com. Use the code

00:03:42.460 order of man. There you go. Enough of the shameless plugs. Let's talk about this immense

00:03:46.560 power of brotherhood. As I said, there's been times in my life where I've isolated. In fact,

00:03:52.000 I did that over the past year and a half to two years ago, and it wasn't good. It wasn't healthy.

00:03:57.780 Many of you know, my story turning to alcoholism, uh, the unfortunate and inevitable demise of,

00:04:03.440 of my 18 year marriage, not only because I isolated, there was other elements of it, but I'm telling

00:04:08.980 you not having a good group of a core group of men that I could turn to, I believe exacerbated the

00:04:16.600 problem. So I isolated, I, I acted as if nobody understood my struggles. Uh, I pretended that I

00:04:23.720 could do it alone and clearly I couldn't. And you hear a lot of these tough guys talking online and

00:04:30.080 social media about how they can do it on their own. And, you know, I hope they can. I really do for

00:04:35.620 the sake of, of their own health, but the reality just paints an entirely different story. And I

00:04:40.780 think many of you listening know this, there is an epidemic of male loneliness. There has been

00:04:46.920 studies. There was a study and I can't cite that exactly right now. I can look it up or you can later

00:04:51.020 that suggested that the overwhelming respondents of this study said that they didn't even have one,

00:04:57.460 not one male friend. They could call in time of need or crisis. How sad is that? We're connected

00:05:07.660 to the world, to the planet, unlike any other time in history. And yet the majority of respondents said

00:05:13.260 they don't even have one person they could call in time of crisis. We need to do better because our

00:05:20.580 lives depend on it. Our mental, emotional, spiritual, physical health depend on it. And also the lives of

00:05:26.280 the people that we have a responsibility for. If we're not acting to the degree that we can,

00:05:31.540 and we're not living as fully as we can as men, our friends and our family members and our colleagues

00:05:37.060 and coworkers are going to be negatively impacted by that. So not only is it for the sake of ourselves,

00:05:42.020 it's also for the sake of the people that we're trying to serve and lead. So let's talk about this.

00:05:47.020 Number one, we're going to look for people. These are virtues and characteristics that we're going to

00:05:50.840 look for in our band of brothers. Number one is you want to find somebody that you can trust,

00:05:54.480 right? Get a notepad out. Trustworthiness is paramount and crucial because if you can't

00:06:01.260 trust somebody to confide in, to maybe share some of your most inner, most darkest secrets and desires

00:06:10.820 or fears, because you're worried they're going to go blab and run their mouth and talk to other

00:06:15.460 people. That's not a band of brothers type guy. That's not band of brother material because you

00:06:21.620 can't share. You don't, you're not fully able to be as vulnerable as you need to be with other guys

00:06:27.360 so that you can talk about real issues, not just what's going on with your fantasy football team.

00:06:31.620 I don't, I don't want to talk about fantasy football. Sure. Do it fine. Whatever. If that's

00:06:36.140 your thing, but that's not the depth of who I am. And that's not the depth of who you are. And yet,

00:06:41.400 if you can't find guys who you can't trust, you can't have deep and meaningful conversations

00:06:47.520 about what's going wrong in your marriage. You can't have deep and meaningful conversations about

00:06:52.140 what temptations, whether it's drug or alcohol abuse or sex addiction or pornography, you can't

00:06:58.540 have those discussions with guys you can't trust. So we're going to look for virtuous men who you can

00:07:03.960 trust. Number two is we're going to look for people that we're comfortable talking with.

00:07:08.520 Number one is trust. But number two is, does this individual jive with my style? Does this individual,

00:07:13.840 well, is he, is he, is he a listener? Is he somebody who can be empathetic? Somebody who is

00:07:20.680 not a narcissist, somebody who actually cares deeply about you and other people who has the

00:07:26.200 heart of service. If that individual doesn't have that heart of service, doesn't have that teacher's

00:07:31.320 heart. I think I get that from Dave Ramsey. This is a guy who maybe you can be friends with and have

00:07:36.860 a drink or whatever with, but this isn't band of brother material. Number three is somebody that you can

00:07:41.960 be accountable to. And here's the deal with accountability. You have to know that they are

00:07:48.180 on the path alongside of you or that they're out ahead of you. Because if they're not out ahead of

00:07:54.940 you, we'll, we'll talk about that part in a second, but if they're not out ahead of you in whatever

00:07:59.780 facet of life you're looking to grow, you can't really be accountable to that person. So for example,

00:08:05.300 if you're trying to lose 30 pounds and get lean and jacked and strong and in shape,

00:08:10.460 and you're trying to be accountable to somebody who's 50, 60, 80 pounds overweight, doesn't work

00:08:17.540 out, doesn't feel himself right, doesn't get the sleep he needs, doesn't care about his body,

00:08:22.980 doesn't care about his physical, mental, and emotional health, like you're not going to be

00:08:27.420 accountable to that guy. You need to be accountable to somebody who's at the same level as you pushing

00:08:32.220 as hard, if not harder than you, or somebody who's out ahead of you. Somebody who's already doing

00:08:37.920 what you want to do. That's a person you can be accountable to because it's aspirational.

00:08:42.800 And you do have to be careful. We're not going to fall into the comparison trap.

00:08:46.300 The comparison trap is saying, well, that guy's so far ahead of me. I can't ever possibly catch up.

00:08:52.120 That's not what I'm talking about here. When I'm talking about being aspirational,

00:08:56.000 I'm talking about looking at men who are doing something you want to do to a better degree than

00:09:00.000 you currently are. And it's not deflating your action. It's inspiring and encouraging your

00:09:06.120 action. Hey, if that guy can do it, I can certainly do it. And then you can be accountable to that

00:09:11.360 person. And you also have to know that he's willing to hold you accountable, that he's willing to say

00:09:16.180 the hard things, that he's willing to say and do what needs to be said and done so that you will get

00:09:21.400 your butt in gear when you need that out of another man. And it's a man who has to do that. A woman can't

00:09:28.180 do that, right? Because if a woman does it, it almost comes across as nagging or henpecking. We hear this

00:09:34.580 all the time. Your wife nags you about X, Y, and Z. But if a buddy does it, it's different. And there's a

00:09:40.440 place in time where a woman can hold a man accountable to some degree, but it's different than the

00:09:45.120 relationship that a man might have with another man who holds them accountable. Number four is you want to look

00:09:51.240 for somebody to serve. Okay. So now I just talked about being accountable to somebody, but what

00:09:58.480 happens to all those guys who aren't at the level that you want to be at? Do we forsake those men?

00:10:03.480 No, certainly we don't. Okay. Now we're not going to go down to their level, but we're going to elevate

00:10:09.320 them to our level. And so it's okay to have guys in your circle who may not be as financially

00:10:16.500 successful as you, who may not be as physically fit as you, who may not have the marriage that

00:10:22.960 you desire to have, who may not have the relationship with the kids that you have with

00:10:27.260 your kids. That's okay. But what you do need to look for is somebody who has the desire to do it

00:10:33.340 and is willing to put forth the work. Because a lot of guys will pay lip service, right? A lot of guys

00:10:38.320 will say, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to grow my business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to get

00:10:41.620 healthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to have a thriving marriage. And then you look at their actions

00:10:45.340 and you look at how they spend their time and that paints a completely different story.

00:10:51.120 They're not interested in that at all based on their actions and the expenditure of their

00:10:55.140 resources. They're interested in the status quo. But if you look at an individual who may be 50

00:11:00.820 pounds overweight, but he's busting his balls in the gym every day, and he's been doing that for

00:11:05.600 three months, that's somebody I'm actually pretty interested in having in my inner circle because

00:11:10.400 I can motivate that person because A, they're already motivated to do it themselves.

00:11:14.480 And I might be the kick in the butt that they need. And this is somebody who's always proving

00:11:19.340 to me anyways that they're willing to do the work. I don't want to drag people along.

00:11:24.560 I've got enough of my own baggage. I've got enough relationship problems. I've got enough

00:11:29.040 business challenges and obstacles that I need to overcome. I have enough mental and emotional

00:11:34.960 baggage and weight bouncing around in my brain. I don't need another man's.

00:11:39.160 But if a guy's not as far down the tracks as he would like to be, but he's aspirational,

00:11:44.220 he's proving that he's doing the work, that's not baggage for me. That's an opportunity for

00:11:49.260 me to serve. I feel good about that. Because don't we as men feel good when we serve, when

00:11:53.880 we add value to the world, and when we see another man who is striving to do good, and

00:12:00.780 he does good in part because you were there to support him and encourage him along the way.

00:12:05.140 So a lot of these guys will say, never bring these people into your circle, always. No,

00:12:10.000 I think it's okay, within reason, to have somebody who may not be as far down the track come into

00:12:15.000 your circle, as long as they meet the motivation criteria. The next one, somebody to push you.

00:12:21.660 Now, I already talked about somebody who's going to motivate, inspire, and say and do the things

00:12:26.220 that need to be done and said. But what I want to suggest to you is don't ever fall into

00:12:30.960 the trap of ego. If, for example, you and I are friends, and I'm a little bit more successful

00:12:36.740 in business than you are, and you're asking for advice from me for business, and I'm telling you

00:12:41.700 what you're doing isn't what you should be doing, or here's five or six things that you can do to

00:12:46.320 improve, and you get all defensive and butthurt about it, and blabber to me about how you're already

00:12:53.020 doing that, it's not working, and drone on and on about why the economy sucks, and why your business

00:12:58.680 can't this, and why that. That's narcissism. I'm not interested. Again, I don't need that baggage.

00:13:06.080 Okay, if you want somebody who's going to push you, then you have to accept that your ego is going

00:13:11.180 to be wounded, that you're going to have to be a little bit humble, that it's going to expose some

00:13:18.100 weaknesses in you, and it's not going to be fun at all times. I've had mentors who have said some

00:13:25.240 really harsh things. They weren't wrong. They were just harsh, and when I heard them, the first

00:13:30.900 reaction was offense, and defense, and screw you. What do you know? You don't know anything about my

00:13:37.520 situation, and then I take a step back, and I'm like, holy shit, this guy's right, but that requires

00:13:42.600 humility. That requires a greater desire to grow than the desire to maintain the integrity of your

00:13:52.280 fragile, pathetic ego. Tear it down. Be humble like a child. Learn, and grow, and ask questions,

00:14:01.740 and be willing to look stupid at times, because that's exactly what it's going to take to be

00:14:07.620 successful. Small example. Very first time I ever went to jiu-jitsu, the coach said, do you have any

00:14:14.940 jiu-jitsu training? I said, no, I wrestled a couple years in high school, but that's it. He's like, okay,

00:14:19.320 well, why don't you roll with this guy? I didn't even know what that meant. What do you mean roll

00:14:23.860 with this guy? He says, well, I want you to train with him, and we'll go live, and all I want you to

00:14:29.180 do is not get submitted. I'm like, well, what does not submitted mean? What does that mean?

00:14:34.400 He said, it means that you're in a position where you have to quit because he's hurting you or has you

00:14:39.880 in a compromising situation, and I sized this guy up. He was probably a buck 50, a young guy. I'm like,

00:14:47.500 okay, yeah, I'll try not to get submitted by this guy. I've got 40, 50 pounds on the guy. I've always

00:14:54.220 prided myself on being somewhat physically capable and somewhat athletic, and I'm telling you what,

00:15:00.160 in 15 seconds, this guy wrapped his legs around my arm and neck and was choking me, the life out of me

00:15:06.060 in 15 seconds, and I had to tap. I had to be willing to look foolish. The very first time I

00:15:11.660 ever went hunting, I made one bad shot. I made another shot that I didn't know if it was. It

00:15:19.360 was actually a pretty decent shot, but I didn't know if it was, and I was with my friend Colin

00:15:22.720 Cottrell, and he could tell you I was all nervous because I made this shot, and the buck ran off. I'm

00:15:27.940 like, man, I don't think I hit him, and he ran off, and then we took a little bit to find him,

00:15:32.220 and I couldn't find him, and we finally did. He was only 40 or 50 yards away, so I made a decent

00:15:37.400 shot, but the second deer I ever killed was a day or two later with Colin, and it was with a bow,

00:15:45.700 and I shot the deer a little far back. It was a gut shot, and the deer didn't go down,

00:15:52.380 so we left the field, and we went into town and had some dinner. We spent three hours trying to find

00:15:57.420 the dang thing, and we went and had some dinner and let the deer settle down, came back out.

00:16:02.040 Fortunately, we found it. It was still alive. We had to kill it, and to watch it die right there,

00:16:08.220 that was really harsh. That wasn't a fun experience for me, and I felt so dumb because I had wounded

00:16:14.200 this animal, and this animal suffered for three, four, five hours before we were finally able to

00:16:18.340 put it out of its misery and harvest the meat. The point of the story is not that I made a bad shot,

00:16:25.300 but the point of the story is that you have to be willing to fail. You have to be willing to look

00:16:31.160 foolish. You have to be willing to ask questions, and you have to be willing to put yourself in

00:16:35.960 environments that you're not comfortable in. When Colin called me and said, hey, let's go hunting,

00:16:40.280 I'm like, I've never been hunting. He's like, well, that's why I want you to go. I'm like,

00:16:44.000 great. What do I need? He's like, you need this rifle, and you need a bow. I'm like, I don't have

00:16:46.980 either. He's like, go buy it. So I did. I went into the archery store, and I went to Cabela's or

00:16:52.380 something and bought myself a firearm, and I was asking the guy, like, what should I buy? I felt

00:16:57.240 stupid. I remember when I went and took my hunter safety exam, and I walked in there, and it was me

00:17:05.780 as a 37-year-old guy at the time, 35, 36, 37-year-old guy at the time. I walked in there,

00:17:12.920 and there's like 28-year-olds all doing their hunter's ed course, and I'm 35 years old. I felt

00:17:19.360 like a freaking fool, but that's what it takes to be successful. So get over yourself, all right,

00:17:25.820 and find somebody who's going to push you to overcome looking foolish. And then the last one

00:17:30.700 is somebody to serve you. I talked about this a little bit. A servant's heart. Somebody who cares.

00:17:38.360 Somebody who cares in a lot of ways, cares more about your success than they do about their own.

00:17:43.520 Somebody who's going to sacrifice. Somebody who's going to put time into you. Who's going to pour

00:17:48.580 into you? A great example of that, a good friend of mine, and a lot of you guys know him,

00:17:53.200 Steve Weatherford. He called me, messaged me four or five days ago. And look, he didn't ask me to

00:18:00.500 share this or anything, and this is kind of personal, but it speaks into him and who he is

00:18:04.520 as a human being. And he said, how are things going, man? And I said, they're going pretty good.

00:18:07.960 I'm struggling in some areas and doing pretty well in others. And he said, what are you struggling

00:18:11.560 with? And I said, spirituality. He's like, man, you need that in your life. I said, I know I woke up this

00:18:16.040 morning and I prayed and I started my day off with prayer, but it's a struggle sometimes.

00:18:20.420 And he said to me, hey, I'll help you with that. Every Monday morning at nine o'clock,

00:18:25.980 I'll call you and we'll pray together. He doesn't have to do that. He's got a thousand other things.

00:18:32.240 He's got like 17 kids and he's got his beautiful wife and he's got his business and he's got his

00:18:38.140 ministry and he's got all these are the things going on in his life. He doesn't need to call me at

00:18:43.500 nine o'clock every Monday morning to pray with me. And yet he does because he cares and he wants to

00:18:51.480 serve and he has a servant's heart. Those are the kind of guys that I want in my life. Those are the

00:18:57.860 kind of men that I want in my circle. That's the kind of man I want to be for other people.

00:19:03.060 All right. So now that we have some qualifiers and what to look for with your band of brothers and

00:19:07.120 why this can be so important, let's go ahead and talk about how to build this, like where to look for

00:19:12.720 this. Because a lot of guys will say, Ryan, you know what you're saying makes sense. I need a

00:19:17.240 band of brothers. I need help. I need this. I need that, but I don't know where to go.

00:19:20.820 That's a lazy man's response. Number one, that's somebody who knows what they want,

00:19:26.060 but isn't willing to put forth any effort. I mean, imagine this saying, you know,

00:19:29.620 I'd really like a girlfriend, but I don't know where all the girls are. Man, spend some time

00:19:33.500 thinking about what you might be able to do to get yourself around some attractive women.

00:19:38.100 Same thing with the guys. Well, I don't know. There's no good guys around. And like,

00:19:41.400 all the guys care about is this and that. That isn't true. It's not true at all.

00:19:46.480 There's millions of motivated, driven, ambitious men. How do I know? Look at our social media reach.

00:19:53.400 Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of men tuning in the podcast, social media accounts,

00:19:57.620 YouTube, going to our events, doing all the things. They're all motivated and ambitious to

00:20:02.660 varying degrees. So I know they're out there. Where do we go to band with these guys? Number one,

00:20:07.740 go where the good guys are. All right. We know where they are. They're at the gym.

00:20:11.500 They're going to different meetups based on different hobbies and activities and recreational

00:20:16.320 pursuits. Go to business meetups and luncheons, Chamber of Commerce, Rotary, Toastmasters,

00:20:24.340 Business Network International. They're there. Just jump online. Where's my local chamber?

00:20:29.220 When does it meet? It meets for lunch every Wednesday. Good. Go to that. Go to events.

00:20:34.820 Every podcast you listen to, including mine, we all have events. We do virtual summits.

00:20:41.200 We have local meetups. We have big regional events that you can attend. Yeah, they cost some money.

00:20:47.980 So you say you want this. If you want it, you got to invest. And that means time, energy,

00:20:53.620 resources, money to get around other motivated men. And the other thing I would suggest is even

00:20:59.400 masterminds. We have our Brotherhood, the Iron Council. That's a huge organization that helps guys meet

00:21:04.600 up. I'm seeing guys go on hunts together. Last week when I was on my hunt, three or four of the

00:21:09.060 guys from our Iron Council came. Other guys are meeting up and doing Spartan races and hikes.

00:21:14.500 They're all out there. You just have to be willing to put yourself in those environments.

00:21:19.000 Number two, when you do go into those environments, add value into these men's lives.

00:21:24.160 And what I mean by that is asking them questions about what their pain points are,

00:21:27.880 what their struggles are, what their goals and desires and ambitions are,

00:21:32.000 what they're trying to accomplish, what's getting in the way of them accomplishing that,

00:21:36.620 and then giving. And here's the caveat. This is very, very important. Giving without the expectation

00:21:44.580 of anything in return. Let me say that again for emphasis. Giving without the expectation of anything

00:21:54.360 in return. That to me is the definition of value. Giving something meaningful and not expecting

00:22:00.600 anything back in return. This is, you know, you know, people who are trying to gain the value

00:22:06.820 system, right? They'll, what they'll do is they'll say, well, you know, I, Hey, I'll offer you this free

00:22:12.200 course. And if you like it, then you can buy all my products. That's not value. That's them marketing

00:22:18.220 to you cloaked in disguise as this initial value. It's like a drug dealer. Okay. A drug dealer is going

00:22:25.020 to give you a little small bag of, of heroin or Coke or fentanyl or whatever the drug of choice is

00:22:30.700 for free. So is he being valuable? No, he's giving it to you for free. So you get hooked on it. So next

00:22:36.240 time you come, he can sell it to you. That's, that's not value. Okay. Value is just giving.

00:22:43.040 When you guys listen to this podcast, I'm not coercing you or manipulating you or strong arming you

00:22:50.080 or making you feel guilty for not buying our merchandise or going to an event. Now I'll offer

00:22:56.040 those things. Sure. But I'm adding value regardless of whether or not you purchase a beanie or a hat

00:23:03.600 or go to an event or join the brotherhood. This is just value for the sake of value. So look for what

00:23:10.180 people are doing and what they need and what their pain points are. Case in point, Steve Weatherford.

00:23:14.960 There's nothing I can give to Steve that he doesn't already have. He's got a great family

00:23:20.820 life. He's, he's dialed in with his spirituality. He does very well financially. What can I possibly

00:23:27.000 do for Steve that he can't already do for himself? And yet he serves me because he wants to add value

00:23:33.960 because he actually cares about the other person, not what that person can do in return. Next, never do

00:23:41.640 alone what you could do with someone else. So if you're going to, if you're going to move this weekend,

00:23:47.300 call a few friends. All right. Like I know that's hard because you want to, I want to do this on my

00:23:52.620 own. I can do this by myself. Like I don't need any help. I appreciate the independence. Don't do it.

00:23:58.940 If you're trying to grow a band of brothers, find ways to get around other guys. If there's a project

00:24:04.220 you're working on, maybe you're changing the oil in your car or you're moving, uh, or there's some

00:24:09.480 sort of business hangup that you're dealing with. Um, or you need to do some landscaping in the yard,

00:24:14.900 call a friend, call a buddy. If you want to watch UFC fight nights this weekend, uh, I think there's

00:24:20.120 fight nights this weekend, then call two friends guys. I just got the pay-per-view fights for tonight.

00:24:27.400 The UFC fights for tonight. Um, I've got a, a chip bar. We're going to have some drinks. Uh, ladies are

00:24:33.880 out doing their things. So it's just going to be the guys, no kids, just the guys. And, uh, come on

00:24:39.420 over. I mean, that's huge. Never do alone what you can do with someone else and look for ways to

00:24:47.800 create environments where men can congregate. I'll get a little bit more into that here next,

00:24:52.340 because the next statement is organized events. So an event could be anything. It could be a Bible

00:24:59.480 study group. It could be a UFC fight night. It could be a hunt. It could be a Saturday hike.

00:25:05.840 Uh, it could be, um, uh, a cooking class, a painting class. It could be anything, a barn

00:25:15.500 raising. Sometimes I think we need to be more like the Amish and do barn raisings together.

00:25:20.900 An event can be anything. It could be golf. You want to go golfing this weekend? Again,

00:25:26.560 never do alone what you could do with someone else. So you'd call the golf course up. You're like,

00:25:29.880 I want a tee time at 7 a.m. And I need a foursome for 7 a.m. You might not even have the four guys

00:25:37.520 yet. You've got you, but the three other guys are missing. Hey, get on the phone guys, Steve.

00:25:43.660 I've got a golf thing at seven o'clock. Can you make it? Yeah, I can make it. I'll be there.

00:25:47.680 Joe golf at seven. Can you make it? No, I can't be there. That's right. Next time,

00:25:51.460 John 7 a.m. Can you be there? Yep. I can be there. And you fill it up. And then it's not weird

00:25:56.640 either because you're not asking guys on dates because it's a group thing. And it's like,

00:26:00.220 hey, I've got three open spots. You're one I thought of. You want to go. I've done that with

00:26:04.260 hunts. This hunt I went on last week, we had eight spots. We had three or four of them filled.

00:26:10.080 And I started calling. And we filled the other three or four spots because I wanted these guys there.

00:26:17.020 So organize events. Next, express gratitude to these men. When you get done with a hunt,

00:26:25.560 express gratitude. One of the things I did on this hunt is I called a sponsor Origin and another

00:26:31.660 sponsor, Montana Knife Company. And I said, hey, I've got a big hunt. I'm trying to get these guys

00:26:36.040 gifts. Can you send a few knives? Can you send some camo? We'll take some pictures. We'll post

00:26:40.560 them online. We'll help you guys out. Is that something you could do? And they said, yeah,

00:26:44.960 we can do that. And so I brought these guys camo. I brought them hunting knives because I'm grateful

00:26:50.620 that they're friends and I'm grateful that they're there. And I want to express and show my

00:26:54.920 gratitude to them. Again, another way of adding value. I didn't give them anything in expectation

00:26:59.700 that they would give me something. It just feels good to give. I'm grateful for these guys. They're

00:27:04.700 friends. They're brothers. And if I can get them some camo, some Origin camo, or if I can get them a

00:27:11.180 Montana Knife Company knife, then that's a cool way for me to express gratitude. Constantly express

00:27:17.280 gratitude. You know who's really good at this? Bedros Koulian. Every couple of weeks, couple of months,

00:27:22.560 I'll get an email from Bedros or a text and he'll say, hey, I just want to let you know I'm thinking

00:27:26.940 about you. Keep leading from the front. I listened to that podcast you did with so-and-so, or I saw

00:27:32.020 that post you made. Sounds like things are going good. Love your brother. Appreciate you. Have a great

00:27:38.280 day. Consistently for years, five, six, seven years now, he's been doing that. There's no coincidence

00:27:45.080 to me that Bedros is an extremely successful individual. He does the small things that most other

00:27:50.660 people won't, and that's expressing gratitude to the people he cares about. Next, have a plan for

00:27:56.840 consistent communication. Bedros is a prime example of that. Make reasons for you to get together with

00:28:03.660 other guys. Fight night is a great reason. There's a fight night. That's an excuse to get together with

00:28:07.980 guys. If you have an extra ticket to a sporting event, that's an excuse to get together with somebody

00:28:12.920 else. If you're going to go to dinner with two guys, you might as well go to dinner with five.

00:28:17.700 So get some reservations. Just be consistent. Another person who's really good at this is

00:28:24.360 Jordan Harbinger. He's got a database of people that he reaches out to. I haven't heard from Jordan

00:28:28.600 in a while, so if he's listening, I haven't heard from you in a while, but I used to hear from Jordan

00:28:32.600 quite a bit, quite often, like clockwork. Every two, three months. Hey, Rye, what's going on, man? Hope

00:28:39.340 you're good. Thinking about you. Family's good here. We're just chugging along. Business has been good.

00:28:44.080 Let me know if you need anything. Very simple. Nice little touch point. I look for reasons to

00:28:49.800 communicate with people. I might see a book, for example, of Jack Carr's in the airport as I'm

00:28:55.600 traveling. And I'll just take a quick little picture of it. And I'll say, hey, Jack, saw your

00:29:02.800 book here. Sometimes I'll joke around. I'll say, yeah, I saw your book in the number two spot. And I

00:29:08.100 took it out of there and I put it somewhere where people wouldn't find it because I wouldn't want them

00:29:11.060 to read this book. Like just joking around. Right. But that's a, that's an ability for me to

00:29:15.840 communicate with somebody that I want to maintain a relationship with. When I go to a town, a new

00:29:22.080 town, I'm going to go through my, my Rolodex, date myself a little bit, go through my Rolodex.

00:29:28.960 And I'm going to look like what podcast guests have I had on in this area? What people would I like to

00:29:34.420 meet? Can I do a meetup here in an event here and meet more people? This is how you stay in

00:29:40.280 constant contact with others. And you can use CRMs. What does that stand for? Customer

00:29:47.380 relationships management or something like that. But you can use CRMs and important contacts. You

00:29:52.640 can drop into, I use one called Insightly. You can drop people in there and every, you can set it up.

00:29:58.580 If you want to talk to this person every three months, for example, you can set up an alert,

00:30:01.620 email me every three months with this guy's number and, and pull up his notes. And I'll look at it and be

00:30:06.300 like, okay, I haven't talked with John for a while. John went on a hunt and he just had a new

00:30:10.120 kid. And so I can send him a text and say, Hey, how's, how's baby Stella or whatever her name is,

00:30:15.260 right? Little ways to create touch points with people. And then the last tip I would give you

00:30:20.540 guys, and then we'll wrap things up today. Cause I'm giving you a lot of information and I hope

00:30:24.320 you're taking notes. You're going to go back and take notes on this because it's so critically

00:30:28.000 important is that as men, we should be focusing on the activity, not necessarily the relationship

00:30:34.780 building. So if you take the way that men relate versus the way women relate, women relate relationally

00:30:43.160 face-to-face, need a knee, like looking at each other. So this is why women, we think they gossip,

00:30:51.200 right? Because they're talking and it's not bad by the way, they're trying to relate. It can get toxic,

00:30:56.480 but it's not always toxic just because they're talking about friends and neighbors and everything

00:31:00.320 else, but they're trying to find commonalities, ways to connect. And they're doing it face-to-face.

00:31:05.800 But if you look at men, we're side to side, and then we're faced outward towards a common objective

00:31:12.800 or against a common enemy. So if you take hunting, just because that's been on my mind this fall,

00:31:17.600 and it usually is, is when all eight of us on that last hunt went out for our hunts,

00:31:22.160 we would go do our thing and we would come back in and we would talk about how that sit went.

00:31:27.620 You know, maybe somebody missed a bad shot and we can talk about why they missed a shot and what

00:31:33.040 they could do better to improve. Or maybe they made a great shot and we tracked down their deer.

00:31:38.660 And, you know, Ron Christopher, he's a member of the Iron Council, shot this beautiful, beautiful buck,

00:31:44.020 very first buck he has ever shot with a bow, I think with any, any weapon. But we shot this thing

00:31:49.640 with a bow and what a tremendous job he did. He brought it back. I sat there and I helped. I took,

00:31:56.540 you know, an hour or whatever it took. We helped him cape it because he wants to mount it. We helped

00:32:00.660 him skin it and we helped him break it down and gut it and clean it all out. It's something he's not

00:32:04.500 familiar with. So we taught him how to do that. The relationship building was ancillary to the

00:32:12.100 activity. The relationship builds in the activity. The activity itself is not the relationship building

00:32:18.600 like it would be with women. So that's why I say golf, fight night, hunting, activities, and then the

00:32:27.240 relationship building happens within the dynamic of the activity. Okay. Bible study is another one.

00:32:34.840 You're not there to build relationships. Relationships will take place, but you're there to learn more

00:32:40.300 about the gospel. That's the purpose. And in the meantime, you're going to find this guy's pretty

00:32:45.660 insightful. I'd like to know more about him. And you build a relationship that without that way.

00:32:50.880 I hope that helps. Let me recap really quickly. So we can reiterate when we're looking for people

00:32:57.020 who we should be involved with. It's someone that you can trust. It's somebody that you're comfortable

00:33:01.980 talking to. It's somebody that you can be accountable to. It's somebody who you can serve

00:33:08.920 somebody who's going to push you because you're going to let go of your ego. And then somebody who

00:33:14.260 is going to serve you. And then when it comes to how to build these out, go where the good men are,

00:33:20.780 gyms, meetups, business organizations, masterminds, events, et cetera, et cetera.

00:33:25.840 Add value to those men's lives. Again, with the expectation of nothing in return.

00:33:31.480 Number three, never do alone what you could do with someone else. Number four, organize events.

00:33:37.420 Number five, express gratitude like Bedros does. Number six, I think, have a plan for consistent

00:33:44.860 communication. Insightly is a great CRM you can use for that. And number seven, focus on the activity,

00:33:51.420 a wholesome, righteous, virtuous activity, not necessarily the relationship building because

00:33:56.940 the relationships will come as a result of the activity. I hope that serves you guys.

00:34:02.680 Please make sure you check out store.orderofman.com for our new merchandise. Check out my good

00:34:09.320 friends, Montana Knife Company, and use the code ORDER OF MAN at checkout. I also mentioned Origin.

00:34:15.200 If you want some new hunt gear camo, amazing camo, you can check that out at originusa.com. Use the code

00:34:23.780 ORDER at checkout there. And then if you want to check out our brotherhood, the Iron Council,

00:34:28.080 it's going to be opening up in about a month, a little over a month. You can check that out at

00:34:32.840 orderofman.com slash Iron Council. All right, you guys have a great Friday. Have a great weekend.

00:34:40.000 Spend some time this weekend building out your band of brothers because there is immense power

00:34:44.500 in brotherhood. All right, guys, let's go out there, take action, build our brotherhoods,

00:34:49.220 and become the men we are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:34:54.220 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:34:58.540 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - November 10, 2023

The Immense Power of Brotherhood ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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