Order of Man - The Myth of "Toxic Masculinity," Overcoming the Fear of Failure, and Addressing False Rape Accusations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.120 Kip, what's up, man? Round 11? Is it 11? Or 10?

00:00:28.240 What are we on? 10? It's 10.

00:00:31.200 I think it was 10 last week.

00:00:33.560 I've got to find a better way to organize these things.

00:00:36.380 It doesn't matter what number it is anyways. Here we are back with our Ask Me Anything.

00:00:42.060 We're ready. It's good.

00:00:43.980 It is good. It's been good. We got a lot of good feedback.

00:00:46.740 You guys are asking a ton of questions. So many questions when we put out a call for questions

00:00:50.280 that we can't even get to them all.

00:00:53.800 So that's good. We can't even get to all these questions in one setting,

00:00:56.500 so I hope you guys are enjoying it. For those of you who are listening in for the first time,

00:01:00.160 this is our Ask Me Anything. So it's me and Kip. We're answering questions from our Facebook group,

00:01:06.320 from the Patreon account, from where else? Iron Council.

00:01:11.460 Anywhere else? I think it's those three resources right now.

00:01:13.640 Just those three resources. And this is starting to become really fun. I was telling my wife last

00:01:20.300 week, she's like, so how's the podcast going with Ryan? I'm like, I used to be nervous. I used to

00:01:26.480 think, oh man, the podcast is today. Now I'm totally excited about it. And what's exciting is actually

00:01:34.240 reading the questions. I think these conversations and these questions are so valuable and I'm getting

00:01:39.820 a ton out of it. So I look forward to what you guys are asking and I'm looking forward to the

00:01:45.200 conversation and it's fun. Well, it's kind of like anything too. I think anytime you start something

00:01:50.500 new, you're always going to be a little bit nervous, a little hesitant about it. And you know

00:01:54.280 what I found is it keeps most people from doing it, right? Like if it's not easy, if it's not

00:01:58.820 streamlined, if it isn't just perfect and the stars on their line, they're like, oh, I guess it just

00:02:03.760 wasn't meant to be. I guess I'm not supposed to do this. When in all reality has nothing to do

00:02:07.920 with that. In a way it's, you just got to dive in and then it gets more comfortable and more

00:02:13.460 enjoyable. And also I think the challenge of it is what makes it enjoyable specifically for men too.

00:02:19.440 I think there's a lot of guys out there who think, oh, if, if it's not easy, then it's not going to be

00:02:23.720 fun or I have to find happiness and I have to find fun in everything I do. And I get that. There's

00:02:29.540 definitely a desire for life to be enjoyable, but I think men in general find joy and struggle and

00:02:36.740 challenge and getting better and mastery and improving at something, including podcasting.

00:02:42.080 Yeah. Yeah. And there's a, what if factor I think that we often put on things that we do

00:02:46.900 and we think that if it fails or maybe something else, uh, would be preferred or easier to do,

00:02:55.120 then it was a bad decision. And we lose the fact that there's learning and everything there's learning

00:03:00.620 in a process, there's learning in failure. And so thus action is usually never a bad thing.

00:03:07.060 Action, worst case scenario, we pivot, we learn and, and we, we become better. So there's usually

00:03:13.380 never like a drawback to just taking action and learning from the experience. It's when we don't

00:03:18.720 learn, I think is when we waste our time. Yeah. I taught, I actually talked about this. I spoke at,

00:03:23.660 uh, clever talks about a week ago down in San Diego. And this is one of the points that I, uh,

00:03:28.860 that I made is that you can learn and develop new skills and find somewhat of a passion,

00:03:35.780 if you will, uh, before you actually go out and quote unquote, find your passion,

00:03:40.680 like find your passion where you are and then develop a skillset, develop a skillset that you

00:03:46.500 can right now. And then that way, when you do inevitably go onto something else. And we always

00:03:51.260 do, there's always doors that are opened up that will have a different set of skills that will help us,

00:03:56.500 uh, in that next endeavor. It's, it's the quote that I really liked by George Patton. He says a

00:04:01.080 good plan violently executed now, uh, is better than a perfect plan executed next week. And we can

00:04:07.820 always adjust along the way and you, and you will, you'll have to adjust because things change,

00:04:12.840 uh, the circumstances change, the environment changes. And so you just adjust along the way

00:04:17.320 and make the best of what you have, but you got to take action at some point.

00:04:19.760 Yeah. Why do you think that quote says now, why now versus a well-executed plan a week later?

00:04:27.720 Well, I think there's a lot of missed opportunity and there's a cost of everything. There's a cost

00:04:32.320 of taking action. There's a cost of not taking action. And if you can't learn to take action,

00:04:39.460 when those ideas come to you, you're missing out on opportunities. As a financial advisor,

00:04:44.000 we call this in a way lost opportunity cost, where if you don't necessarily invest in that one thing,

00:04:49.600 it's not just the cost of that. It's what you could have gained by investing in that it's lost

00:04:53.140 opportunity. And that's what it is here. It's lost opportunity. You know, I can't tell you how

00:04:58.460 many people, man, they, they message me and they email me and they text me and this and that,

00:05:02.700 and they see that we're doing an event or we have that father son event, the legacy event that we just

00:05:06.740 did. And they'll say, Oh man, I was really thinking about doing this a couple of years ago.

00:05:11.400 It's like, well, yeah. Why didn't you in a way? It's like, they're almost like they're patting

00:05:17.140 themselves on a bat on the back. It's really interesting when you get these messages are

00:05:20.480 like, Oh yeah, that was my idea. Like way to run with my idea. It's like your idea is bullshit.

00:05:26.320 If you can't actually implement it. So was it really your idea? I mean, maybe you had a thought,

00:05:31.620 but there's very few men who are actually willing to put that into motion. So don't email people and

00:05:38.840 message people and say, Hey, I was thinking about that two years ago. And I've, I've really been

00:05:43.220 thinking about that a lot lately. Cool. So go do it. Nobody cares about your thoughts.

00:05:49.440 I know that sounds really harsh, but nobody cares. And you're not serving yourself and you're not

00:05:54.220 serving anybody else by thinking about all the wonderful things you're going to go do.

00:05:58.160 Just go out there and do it and make something happen.

00:06:01.580 This reminds me of your podcast that you did with Burke from, uh, echelon front, um, a few weeks

00:06:07.500 back. And he was talking about what it means to be a man. And he used the reference of,

00:06:12.040 um, always being on your a game, right? Always bringing your a game. And I was just sharing with

00:06:19.060 the guys on battle team echo and our iron council just last week, the thought of what opportunities

00:06:26.620 are we constantly missing because we're not on our a game because we're not leveled up, right?

00:06:33.060 Because we're not doing our best. And, and I, I totally could, I totally agree with you. I think

00:06:37.460 there's constant opportunities that are, that present themselves to us, whether it be through

00:06:42.120 our careers or opportunities to develop ourselves that we don't take advantage of because we're

00:06:47.680 not on the path. And if we're on the path, we're going to see them and we can take advantage

00:06:52.320 of them. Yeah, that's right. On the path they pass us by and we don't even know what we're

00:06:56.940 missing. It's, it's a, it's a great point because I think what a lot of guys think is that,

00:07:01.220 oh, it just has to be, it has to be perfect, right? It has to be perfect for me to do it.

00:07:07.060 Well, that's not true. I mean, there's plenty of, we'll take public speaking, for example,

00:07:10.900 because we were talking about it a minute ago. There's plenty of times where I've flopped.

00:07:16.120 There's plenty of times where I felt like I just didn't do as good as I could have.

00:07:22.220 There's been plenty of times where I've really, really struggled. And yet I walk away from each

00:07:26.900 one of those learning something new that I wouldn't have been able to learn.

00:07:29.700 Had I not been willing to get up there on stage and present my ideas. So just get out there,

00:07:34.140 do it, grow, expand, develop, and get better moving forward. Yeah. And that's that mindset of

00:07:40.060 focusing on the process and what can be learned through the process of action versus the results.

00:07:48.480 Right. Right. Well, cool, man. Should we get to these questions? Yeah, let's do it. I think we got a

00:07:53.880 lot of them today. So yeah, we do. And in fact, I don't even know you guys answered the call for

00:07:59.300 action extensively last time. So we asked for questions and we got tons. So I doubt we're

00:08:06.320 going to even come close to finishing them a day and we'll probably use these same questions for

00:08:10.240 next week as well. So let's do it, man. All right. Alan Osborne, his question,

00:08:15.220 how do you overcome the fear of failure? I find I get lots of ideas or I, or do lots of planning for

00:08:22.020 things, projects, business training, et cetera, but then can never actually pull the execution trigger.

00:08:27.800 I have determined this originates in an internal fear of failure in the activity I have to put so

00:08:34.520 much hope and planning into. How do I overcome this and actually start executing on my ideas and

00:08:40.540 plans? So this actually ties into what we were just talking about, right? This is perfect.

00:08:45.780 Here's what I would say about overcoming the fear of failure. Embrace it. Embrace that you might

00:08:50.880 actually fail because you might. And I think one of the biggest challenges people have is this false

00:08:55.620 sense of expectations that says, Oh, I'm going to do great. Or it has to be great. Has to be

00:09:00.780 perfect. It has to quote unquote succeed in order for me to try it. No, it doesn't. You might fail

00:09:06.700 miserably. There's been so many things Kip that you and I have tried that haven't worked out quite

00:09:10.840 the way that we would have hoped, but we've learned from those things. We've evolved. We've grown.

00:09:16.100 We've tried new things. We've implemented new things just inside the iron council. We got rid of our

00:09:20.160 resource library. What about a year ago and tried it without it. It didn't seem like it was working

00:09:25.680 real well. So just this past week we brought it back. So that failed, that idea failed and it's

00:09:31.800 okay. We adjusted along the way. We tried something new. We learned what we needed to learn and we

00:09:35.620 brought it back and everything's fine. So what I would say is embrace that you might fail and actually

00:09:41.880 play it out in your mind. What's the worst that can happen? You start a business and nobody buys

00:09:46.500 anything. Okay. And you're not dead. Nothing catastrophic happened. You still made the mortgage,

00:09:54.140 still put food on the table. The worst case scenario isn't actually all that bad. What if

00:09:59.720 instead you framed it as the fear of failure or failure itself was not even trying. See, everybody

00:10:05.360 says the fear of everybody says failure is trying something and not succeeding. I don't think so. I think

00:10:10.640 failure is sitting on an idea that you have and not trying it because you're afraid. That to

00:10:16.460 me is failure and we can define it and reframe it however we want. So we might as well frame it in

00:10:22.200 a way that's going to serve us. So I will not fail because I'm always willing to push and try new

00:10:26.780 ideas. You know that about me. And some of those things work out and I've, and I've lost quite a

00:10:31.140 bit of money over the past three, four or five years trying things that haven't worked, but those

00:10:36.040 aren't failures. Those are actually successes. So what I would say is embrace it. Understand that. Yes,

00:10:41.620 you might, by your definition, fail, play it out in your mind. What does that actually look like?

00:10:46.580 What's the worst case scenario? How do you inoculate it yourself against some of those

00:10:50.700 things that could potentially derail you and reframe failure as not trying, not as trying and

00:10:57.760 not succeeding. I love that in the book, a guide to the good life by who's the, who is that author?

00:11:05.320 William Irving, right? Irving. I think I've got it right here. I don't know. I've, I just can't see

00:11:11.720 who the author is. So what, one of the stoic principles that he shares in that book, uh, he uses

00:11:16.920 the analogy of a tennis player because we talk in stoicism, it's not about, you don't worry about

00:11:24.720 that in which you have no control. Right. And so he uses this analogy of, okay, well then if a tennis

00:11:30.440 player is playing in a tennis match and, and he can't control his opponent, then what is the

00:11:36.680 objective of the match? The objective of the match is to show up on the court and do your best period.

00:11:43.760 Yeah. That, that is the moment of test, right? Like we practice, you know, whether it be jujitsu or,

00:11:50.700 or whatever you're going after in life, you practice, you, you put your reps in or whatever

00:11:55.160 you act in the event and you do your best. It's already been decided whether you're going to win

00:12:01.400 the match or not based upon how you've been practicing. Yeah. No, it's a great point.

00:12:04.780 You have to do is show up and do your best. And the results are, are unrelated and somewhat out of

00:12:10.240 your control, right? You can't control whether people buy your product or like your idea, but

00:12:15.340 what you can do is execute to the best of your ability. And, and we ought to throw this caveat in

00:12:20.320 there is that I think a lot of times what guys will hear or what they'll do is they'll say, well,

00:12:26.380 it's just out of my hands. So I guess I'll just show up and do what I can. Well, like, yes, at,

00:12:31.960 at when it comes quote unquote performance time, maybe that's true, but that doesn't excuse your

00:12:38.840 training regimen and the lead up and the buildup and the skillset development and the mindset game

00:12:43.820 that leads up to that actual event. There is a lot within your control, but when it comes performance

00:12:49.500 time, now you've just got to execute on what you know and what you've developed and what you've

00:12:54.100 learned. Like I'm going to run in a couple of weeks, a half marathon. It would be easy for me

00:12:58.880 just to show up and say, well, you know, if God wants it to be, I guess I'll finish. It's like,

00:13:04.040 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like you had months to train and to plan and to lose weight and to build up

00:13:11.100 your stamina and conditioning. So don't you dare put this on God or the universe or whatever else you

00:13:17.840 want to blame it on and say, if it was meant to be, I think we got to be careful of falling into

00:13:22.940 that trap too. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's a great, so I'm not discounting what you're

00:13:27.420 saying at all. Cause you're right. I'm just saying like, there's two sides of it. Yeah, for sure.

00:13:32.360 And, and to use your analogy, the day of the morning of your race, you let go and go, all right, 0.56

00:13:39.540 now I've just show up and I do my best. Right, right, right. And that's, that's the time where you,

00:13:44.500 where you then just execute. Absolutely. But leading up to it, you bust your ass.

00:13:48.660 Yeah. I had a mentor tell me, I don't know, 10, 15 years ago, he said,

00:13:52.200 do the best you can do and let the chips fall where they may. And that's what you've got to do.

00:13:59.040 Love it. Cool. Next question, Billy Trujello, Trujello. How do you guys manage your to-do list?

00:14:06.480 Do you keep it in a list format, knock things off, or do you prioritize them,

00:14:10.840 plug them into your planner or other ideas? You guys are doing an amazing job. God bless.

00:14:16.560 Thank you, Billy. I think his name is Trujillo.

00:14:19.260 Trujillo.

00:14:19.780 I got to ask Billy. I'll shoot, I'll shoot Billy a message, but I'm, I'm pretty sure it's Trujillo.

00:14:24.620 Uh, anyways, how do we manage our to-do list? For me, uh, I use our battle planner. It's a leather

00:14:32.280 bound, uh, weekly planning tool that I use. And on one side of it's got 52 pages. So it's got one for

00:14:38.860 every week on one side of it. It shows my to-do list. And I literally write those things analog,

00:14:44.560 write them out. I don't have monk on my computer or anything like that. I write them out. And so

00:14:48.640 as I write these out, then I'll look at it the night before we've talked about this at length.

00:14:53.040 I look at it the night before. Okay. What do I need to accomplish tomorrow? And then I can

00:14:57.360 prioritize. Now I don't put the ABCs or the one, two, threes by it. I just know, okay, I've got to get

00:15:01.700 this, this, this, and this done. And Gary Keller in his book, the one thing talks about doing the one

00:15:06.380 thing. I think we actually addressed this last week where you focus on the one thing that will

00:15:11.500 produce the biggest result right now. The one thing that if this is all you got done today,

00:15:16.420 that you could still consider your day a success. And you do that. And when you're done with it,

00:15:22.260 you put a little line through it and you move on to the next one thing. And then a line through it,

00:15:26.380 the next one thing, and then a line through it. Now there's certain things that you can start,

00:15:30.020 start certain tasks that you can start. For example, I've got some trademark stuff that I'm

00:15:34.860 working on right now with, within the business. So I've reached out to my attorney. I've sent some

00:15:39.540 emails. I've talked to them a little bit. So on that, it's not completely done. So what I can do

00:15:44.500 is I can, cause I'm waiting for him to get back with me is I can just put a little, a little backslash

00:15:49.780 by it. So I just put a little backslash on it saying that I've started it, but because it's not X'd out,

00:15:55.940 it's not done. So it's kind of open if you will. And that's how I manage it. Either it has nothing

00:16:02.260 next to it. Cause I haven't started it. It has a backslash next to it because I have started it,

00:16:05.720 but haven't finished it or has a line all the way through it. Cause it's completely done.

00:16:09.140 And I plan the night before and I plan every morning, night before morning, night before

00:16:13.320 morning, over and over and over and over again. There's so many ideas right around. Oh yeah.

00:16:21.200 Everybody does it so different. And, and I could actually spend like 30 minutes talking about my

00:16:25.860 to-do list process, but I'm going to give you two tips, Billy, or at least what I do. And maybe you

00:16:31.580 can see if this is valuable to you. And, and this comes from Stephen Covey from his seven habits of

00:16:37.100 highly effective, uh, people. He maintains what he calls a master list and what the master list is

00:16:45.200 random ideas. So I completely do very similar to what Ryan's doing, but what I do is I also

00:16:50.640 maintain this master list and what the master list is randomness. Like I'll be in my car and I think,

00:16:57.080 oh crap, you know what? My X, my tags are expiring next month. I need to take care of that. So I'll

00:17:02.760 jot it down. Not when I'm driving, I pull over, I weigh, I check traffic, I jot it down. I put it

00:17:08.300 in my master list. Now it's not assigned to a day, but it's added to the list and, and randomness,

00:17:14.180 like this comes to me all the time. Like ran, like right before bedtime, I'll think, oh crap,

00:17:19.300 this is something I need to remember to do. And so I use that master list as just kind of this

00:17:23.320 unassigned to a priority or a date, but things that need to be addressed. And then on Sunday,

00:17:28.960 when I plan my week, I look at my calendar for the week, I check in with the wife, we adjust things

00:17:34.540 if necessary. And then I review that master task list. And I say, okay, is there anything in the

00:17:40.260 master task list that needs to be addressed this week? And then I'll assign them to the corresponding

00:17:44.440 day and assign an, uh, uh, an associated priority. So I, I, and that's really have been a huge benefit to

00:17:51.360 me because it's so easy to say what's urgent, but it's always fires, right? It's like fire,

00:17:56.740 fire, fire. And then these non urgent, but important items often get overlooked and they

00:18:02.920 never get addressed because they're not urgent. Right. And then once the tags are expired now,

00:18:07.380 all of a sudden it's on my list. Right. So that's not beneficial. So I, I, to add to what Ryan's doing,

00:18:12.460 I do this master task list and then I do a weekly review on Sunday.

00:18:16.540 I love it, man. Hey, whatever works for you. That's the most important thing. You got to do

00:18:20.240 something that works for you. The other little caveat I'd add right here, Billy on this and

00:18:23.700 anybody who's listening is don't overcomplicate it. Please don't overcomplicate it. Like I've spent

00:18:28.940 so much money on journals and planners and apps and little functions and features and things that

00:18:35.240 quite honestly, I've never used because it was apparently the best way to do it. Like the next

00:18:40.900 best thing. What I would suggest to you is do what works for you. Incorporate some of these ideas

00:18:47.160 that you like that, that Kip you've suggested, incorporate some of the ideas that I've suggested

00:18:52.340 and just experiment and try, okay, this works, this doesn't, this works, this doesn't and make

00:18:57.860 your own thing, but don't overcomplicate it. I promise if you can't keep a simple task list,

00:19:03.620 there's no software. So no complex, complicated system. That's going to help you do it. If you

00:19:10.380 can't even keep a basic one. Totally. So don't just keep it simple, build and expand from there.

00:19:17.020 So we're getting some, actually Billy's in the iron council, same with Alan, right?

00:19:21.740 Uh, I think a few of these guys are, are, are IC guys. So the next question, Nick far, Hey Nick.

00:19:27.720 Um, I'm naturally a night person. He says, should I force myself to do a morning routine and check in?

00:19:33.540 Or can that be done when my mind is clear at night for the next day? And I made note here because

00:19:39.660 Hunter Locke, uh, also within the IC replied to Nick's question and says, Nick, how long have you

00:19:45.960 been telling yourself that story? Well, look, I actually think, and I think there's research

00:19:52.940 that backs this up, that there are people who operate better in the evening and some people

00:19:57.880 that operate better in the morning. And I think that we ought to tap into that a little bit. I don't,

00:20:02.780 I don't think we need to overlook that. Now that said, let's say you are a quote unquote

00:20:07.340 night person. Like Nick is saying, that doesn't mean that you can't have a morning routine.

00:20:13.040 It just might mean that your morning routine might look different than mine because I happen

00:20:16.600 to be a morning person or Jocko who gets up at four 30, right? It doesn't mean that you don't

00:20:22.300 have a morning routine. It just means that you might have a different morning routine. And I think

00:20:28.200 this is the trap quite frankly, of what you and I are doing here, Kip, when we're answering these

00:20:33.420 questions and we're telling guys how we operate in our lives. I think there's a lot of people

00:20:38.260 listening that think, Oh, I got to do it. Like Kip does. I got to do it like Ryan. Cause I, I

00:20:44.300 appreciate, I respect these guys. I look up to them. I admire what they're doing. So I have to do

00:20:47.520 it that way. No, you don't. We're just sharing with you ideas. Like there's no one individual

00:20:52.500 that has it figured out for you. Find what works for you. So for me, when I get up in the morning,

00:20:58.040 I get up at five 30, I drink some water, I stretch out a little bit. I've been reading the last couple

00:21:03.120 of mornings. Cause I've got a podcast tomorrow. I've got to do that, that I needed to make sure

00:21:06.100 I was prepped for. Then I go into the gym from six to seven, come back. I do family scripture study.

00:21:12.720 Then me and my family have a little morning meeting where we all get on the same page with the events

00:21:17.760 of the day. Then we have breakfast together and then I get ready for the day. Now that's

00:21:22.200 my morning routine. Just because yours doesn't look like mine doesn't mean it isn't right.

00:21:28.840 So maybe you aren't going to go work out in the morning because you found that working out in the

00:21:32.700 afternoon is more efficient for you. I don't know how anybody does that. Honestly, I don't know how

00:21:37.120 anybody works out in the afternoon, but I have friends that go in and they bust their ass at four

00:21:42.740 or five, six o'clock in the afternoon after work. And then they come home and they're great.

00:21:46.320 I can't do that. That doesn't mean they're right or wrong. It doesn't mean I'm right or wrong.

00:21:50.900 Just do what works for you. But I think there's definitely value in having a morning routine,

00:21:55.680 regardless of if you're a quote unquote night or morning person.

00:22:00.540 Yeah. The only caveat I'd add to this, Nick, is

00:22:03.540 sometimes we have to compromise, right? I've made major adjustments of late, right? We've,

00:22:11.320 we've talked about my son kind of lacking some discipline and making some bad decisions. And so

00:22:16.460 one of the, one of the action items coming out of his decisions and, and something that me and my

00:22:22.180 wife felt was necessary is for him and I to have a morning routine together. Well, guess what that 0.98

00:22:28.160 means? That means that at 6am him and I go for a mile run and then he gets ready for school. And

00:22:34.980 then we say nightly prayers before he goes off to school. Ironically, I'm like, that's a great idea.

00:22:39.560 And then I thought about, I'm like, well, wait a second. When am I going to work out? Right.

00:22:44.580 I'm like, Oh man. So now I've been going to the gym at 5am to get my workout in. Do I prefer to

00:22:51.600 work out at 5am? No, I prefer to work out at nine, maybe 10am would be perfect. You're right. And then

00:23:01.200 eat some chow right before. But the reality of it is I sacrifice because that's what's best for my

00:23:06.800 family right now. Right. And what's best for your family is best for you. Exactly. And that's how I

00:23:12.020 get my workout in without taking away from my family time. So even though, right. And I don't

00:23:16.600 know if this is the case for you, Nick, but if it takes away your from, from your family time and

00:23:20.880 you're a night person, well, you know what, maybe you need to make yourself a morning person to make

00:23:25.340 it work out for, for what's best for the overall good of mankind. I think there's a precedent here that

00:23:31.000 you got to be very, very careful and not setting. And that is telling yourself that you are at the

00:23:35.020 mercy of a certain behavior or belief about yourself. So I'll give you an example. Yesterday,

00:23:40.040 I went for a run and I ran a 10 K. I didn't anticipate running that long. I anticipated

00:23:46.900 running three or four miles and I felt pretty good. So I just kept going. And for a long time,

00:23:53.440 I've told myself, I'm not a runner. I'm not a runner. I'm just not a runner. I'm not a runner.

00:23:57.180 But I wonder how much I've been limiting myself by telling myself that like, is there people who are

00:24:03.900 naturally inclined to be a little bit more athletic than it comes when it comes to running?

00:24:08.800 Yes. Does that mean that they're a runner or I'm not a runner? No, those are just labels that we've

00:24:14.600 given ourselves. And those labels either empower us or they hinder us in this case by telling myself

00:24:20.880 and everybody else that I'm not a runner. What did it do? It kept me from running and running is good

00:24:26.120 for me. So what are your, what are the things that you're telling yourself and how are they serving

00:24:32.220 you? Is telling yourself, well, I'm just, I'm a night person. I can't get up early. I'm just doomed

00:24:39.140 and destined to my fate of being a night person. Is that actually serving you? If it is great. If it

00:24:45.300 isn't, stop telling yourself that and tell yourself something more empowering. I've heard a great,

00:24:51.160 a great quote once that the difference between a runner and a person that's not a runner is the

00:24:58.100 runner. Doesn't listen to the little voice that says, why are you running? Yeah, that is so true.

00:25:05.780 Look, I don't particularly enjoy running, which is a part of the reason I do it because it's,

00:25:10.700 I don't enjoy it. And mentally it's very, very challenging for me. Physically. It's not that

00:25:16.120 hard. Maybe I need to run faster, but mentally it's a, it's a real challenge. It's a real struggle.

00:25:22.100 So, so it's good. It's good for me. Yeah. Cool. What else? All right. Chris Gatch go like a little

00:25:29.760 bit of a thread off this question. So is Batman a superhero? And then of course it generated a

00:25:37.260 thread between him and Mike, uh, head, head, head Lisky, head Lisky. Yeah. And Mike said, Chris,

00:25:44.660 you know, from the moment arm and mechanical advantage standpoint, if Batman were somehow imbued with

00:25:51.520 superhuman strength, like at the level of Hulk, he could be one of the strongest superheroes.

00:25:56.740 He has the best. I don't even know what that word is. Anthropometry. I don't even know what that is

00:26:01.620 either. Yep. In the DC universe. This is the kind of stuff that I think about when, when, when

00:26:09.740 slows down. So more or less Chris and Mike are, they want us to answer this question. Well,

00:26:14.540 philosophically, what you have to, what you have to ask yourself is what is a superhero?

00:26:21.520 You can't answer that question unless you define what a superhero is. Does it mean that they're

00:26:26.580 heroic? Then the answer would be yes, because Batman is heroic, super heroic, super does super

00:26:35.280 mean that he's above and beyond the average ordinary citizen. If that's how you define it,

00:26:40.080 then I would say yes. If it means, does he have a special genetic power skill and he's heroic,

00:26:49.000 then the answer would obviously be no, because he's not genetically modified and have some sort of

00:26:55.840 genetic or biological superpower. Uh, but he's a bad-ass and he's my favorite. I'll say superhero.

00:27:03.880 Yeah. What do you think? I agree. You got to define superhero. Yeah. You do have to define

00:27:10.560 superhero. But if, if we put Batman in the category of superhero, he's, he's probably one of my favorites

00:27:16.840 as well. Well, he has to be, he has to be every, like every man listening to this, their favorite

00:27:23.060 superhero has to be Batman because he's not genetically gifted. He's intelligent, no doubt.

00:27:30.920 He's wealthy obviously, but he's, he doesn't have any superior modified skillset or biology.

00:27:39.640 And yet he still goes out and fights crime. To me, that's like, that's gotta be, if we had a token

00:27:45.940 superhero for the order of man, it would be Batman. Cause it's, is it really heroic? Like is, here's a

00:27:52.320 good question. Is Superman really heroic or maybe heroic is not the right word. Is he courageous?

00:27:58.380 I don't know if he really, I don't think he's as, as courageous as Batman because he's, he's

00:28:05.600 invincible. So is it really courage? I'm not doubting his, his, uh, his, him being a hero,

00:28:13.580 but is it really courage if there's no risk? My answer would be no, I don't think so.

00:28:20.760 Yeah. Like, this is a good question. Like if we dive into the, I actually read a book called,

00:28:24.020 uh, the psychology of Batman, I think it was, it's really good. Like there's some, there's

00:28:29.620 some good books out. And, and look, if these guys want to get serious with Batman and Superman

00:28:34.280 and all these superheroes, you can really do it. Like there's guys that dive deep into this

00:28:37.860 stuff. It's nerdy for sure, but it's kind of actually fascinating.

00:28:41.500 Well, and what's great about Batman is he is, he has learned to harness his violence.

00:28:48.180 Hmm. And, and the thing he's afraid of, right? His greatest fear.

00:28:54.160 Yeah. Batman's awesome. And I think that's why we can, a lot of guys love Ironman.

00:28:59.280 Very similar. Great point. Yep. Great point. Yep. Yeah. Well, there you go. There you go, Chris.

00:29:06.440 So wait, what is your answer? Yes or no? I say yes. In my definition of what a superhero is,

00:29:12.360 I think a superhero is a decision, not a genetic preconceived, you know, kind of a genetic,

00:29:21.080 you know, I don't know. So then the question is at what level do you become a superhero?

00:29:26.900 Like is a soldier, a superhero? See, then, then you got to define it that way too.

00:29:32.060 Yeah, that's true. I'm now grabbing my phone, looking up Webster's definition of superhero.

00:29:36.020 So I think we're taking way too long on this question. I like Batman. I do too. I think most

00:29:42.160 people do. And if you're listening to this podcast, you better like Batman too. Otherwise,

00:29:48.040 unplug, unsubscribe and get out of here. All right. Jacob Beasley, what marketing mistakes have you made

00:29:58.240 in your previous business and order of man? Why did it not work? What did you learn from the

00:30:05.020 experience and what did you change moving forward? Well, from a marketing standpoint,

00:30:11.120 I'm not a great marketer. One thing I do understand pretty well is aesthetics. I understand

00:30:16.840 something being visually appealing. I understand consistency and congruency and not only the way

00:30:22.960 that your message looks, but the way that it reads, the way that it feels, the tone and the

00:30:28.100 underlying tone, the underlying conversation of, of, of the marketing itself, the branding, if you will.

00:30:35.020 I'm really good at that. Uh, and I've had to develop that and take time developing that,

00:30:39.420 but I've always been a student of marketing. It's actually fascinating. What's fascinating to me is

00:30:45.420 how you can take somebody who, for example, somebody who's listening to this podcast,

00:30:50.900 it's never listened before. And they tune in for whatever reason, maybe they see the logo of the,

00:30:55.060 the, the, uh, podcast cover, or maybe somebody turned them on to the podcast, whatever it may be.

00:31:01.200 And now this person's never heard you before to, they like your message. Now they subscribe. Now

00:31:07.460 they go back and listen to everything else. Now they join the Facebook group. Now they connect with

00:31:11.180 us on Instagram and now, uh, they become a member of the iron council. And then they come to a legacy

00:31:15.440 event. That process of this individual does not know me from Adam to a raving fan has always been a

00:31:22.740 fascinating process to me. Uh, so those are the things that I'm really good at. As far as marketing

00:31:28.280 mistakes that I've made. Um, I think one of the things that happens to be one of my greatest

00:31:33.160 strengths, but also comes at a, uh, a cost at times is that I take action very, very quickly.

00:31:39.340 And so sometimes I'll put a product out there into the world, uh, without having a very clear idea of

00:31:45.180 how I'm going to actually market it. I did this with the uprising event. The very first time that we

00:31:50.720 did it, I, I put it out there. I put a sizable deposit on a, on a lodge and not a single person

00:31:56.480 signed up for it because I, I just got too ambitious too quickly and didn't have the marketing

00:32:03.420 component to back it up. And so I regrouped, lost a little bit, a little bit of money, not a lot on

00:32:08.300 that one, lost a little bit of money, regrouped, uh, came up with a marketing strategy and we sold

00:32:15.320 that first one out and we've sold out everyone since. Um, now, as far as specific marketing mistakes,

00:32:21.040 um, you know, I, I think I talked about this one not too long ago where I, we had a shirt designed

00:32:28.480 ended up looking almost identical to another company and we put it out and the other company

00:32:33.080 was pissed rightfully. So I reached out to the owner, pulled those shirts down and had seen a lot

00:32:39.980 of, a lot of, a lot of shirts lying around the Mickler household for a couple of months, using them

00:32:44.720 as rags and everything else we could. So I lost some money on that and the design of that shirt,

00:32:48.900 you know, little things like that. But overall, I think we've done a pretty good job.

00:32:56.660 I don't know what else I would add. There you go, Jacob. Yeah. I'm sorry. I wish I could give

00:33:01.300 you a better answer, but he's go out there and I usually just listen to what feels right. If it

00:33:06.360 looks good and it feels right, then I'm going to roll with it. Yeah. You know what I love about

00:33:10.500 your brand? Ryan, everything is everything about your brand. Um,

00:33:17.640 people I think resonate to the brand because they resonate with the authenticity of your message.

00:33:28.100 When you wear order of man shirt, it means something. Yeah. When you wear order of man hat,

00:33:33.320 it means something. And, and I think that there is a cultural shift in our society where people want to

00:33:41.280 buy products and want to use companies that they are intimate with, that they understand

00:33:48.260 that those companies have purpose. And it's, I don't know if it's a millennial thing or what it is,

00:33:54.140 but I think that's important. And so I, I really, and it's great because you, your products,

00:33:59.620 whether it be the uprising and, or the things within the order of man store,

00:34:04.080 they are tied to a message and that message is the podcast. And so it makes the purchase of those

00:34:12.040 products far more intimate because they understand the underlining, uh, purpose and meaning around the

00:34:18.820 company. I agree with that. I think that's a huge advantage that you have. Yeah. It's a great

00:34:22.720 observation. I mean, it, it is important in a world that is so technologically driven and all of the

00:34:29.340 human emotion and element has been stripped away from a lot of these companies. Uh, you know,

00:34:33.440 you even look at, uh, big, big companies like Coke and Pepsi and Apple and some of these companies,

00:34:38.180 and you watch their shows and you watch their commercials and, and it's like so disingenuous,

00:34:43.440 right? I was watching a, a beer commercial the other day and everybody was beautiful and all smiling

00:34:48.740 and they're all ripped. I'm like, I don't know if that's like your, your typical ripped on beer,

00:34:54.300 right? Exactly. And so it's, it's really disingenuous. It's bullshit. Everybody knows

00:34:59.320 it. And frankly, they're sick of it. Even if they can't articulate why they're sick of it.

00:35:03.560 Yeah. I mean, it's the same reason why we have one podcast sponsor really, truly. The only reason

00:35:09.820 we have one podcast sponsor is not because there aren't other great companies out there. Sure.

00:35:14.240 There are, but it's because origin who happens to be our sponsor, their friends, their, their personal

00:35:20.600 friends of mine, they're in a space I care about. I know them. I intimately know their story.

00:35:27.520 Their story aligns perfectly with the order of man message and what we're trying to accomplish.

00:35:32.820 And it only makes sense that we're partners, not even a sponsor that we're partners on that

00:35:37.520 because it fits. Now I could, I could hot products and guys, I've done it before.

00:35:42.700 You guys have heard in the, the, the middle episodes of the order of man podcast, you heard

00:35:47.320 life insurance and business marketing software and this and that, and all these other companies

00:35:52.600 that talk about underwear and their mattresses. And I'm not saying that stuff's not important.

00:35:56.240 It is important, but it's so disingenuous to me. I'm not trying to turn this into a TV

00:36:02.500 show or a radio advertisement or excuse me, a radio show program where you get advertised

00:36:08.420 in hot products that don't have anything to do with what it is we're talking about. It's

00:36:12.100 ridiculous that, that people are even going that route because we have such an opportunity

00:36:17.380 with a podcast to connect with you, our audience, unlike we've ever been able to connect before.

00:36:23.980 I'm not going to put a barrier between you and me by hawking underwear that nobody really

00:36:29.120 even cares about.

00:36:32.400 All right, Jonathan Jones. Next question. My wife likes to wash my beard. Is that weird? 0.99

00:36:40.620 Do you let your wife wash your beard? And Joe Horton was curious. Is wife washing your beard kinky? 0.98

00:36:47.020 Uh, my wife likes to wash, I don't think that's weird. It's not weird. I think it's weird.

00:36:56.160 Really?

00:36:56.900 Well, does your wife wash your hair? 1.00

00:36:59.220 She doesn't know. I take care of that myself, but I, I just think, I don't know. Some people

00:37:06.880 like, I don't know. Some people like to wash beards or hair, I guess. I don't, I don't think

00:37:11.560 it's weird. I think it's maybe not common, but Hey, if it works for you and that's a connection

00:37:20.140 that you guys can have, by all means, I don't let my wife wash my beard, nor would she probably

00:37:24.540 want to, but Hey, whatever floats your boat.

00:37:27.540 You're going to have to keep that beard. Jonathan, if she likes Washington, man, I, here's how I feel

00:37:33.220 about a beard and, uh, a significant other approving or appreciating your beard. That is

00:37:38.280 if, if your wife likes your beard, then you have a moral obligation to grow it for all the men out 0.97

00:37:44.000 there. Whose wives do not appreciate a good beard, maintain the balance by keeping the beard out this 1.00

00:37:50.360 man. You had, you have an obligation to mankind to grow that beard. If your wife is on board with it.

00:37:55.960 Love it. All right, Jonathan, you're not kinky. He's, I don't think it's weird. It's not common. 0.98

00:38:03.180 I don't think it's weird. I think Kip thinks it's weird though. Yeah. I mean, there's obviously a

00:38:07.020 level of intimacy that kind of goes with it. And that's, that's, I think that's kind of the point.

00:38:10.720 Maybe that's what she's after, which is fine. If that's her thing, by all means get after it.

00:38:16.140 Foreplay with the beard. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if I'd go that far, but

00:38:20.320 that's, that's between Jonathan and his wife. Yeah. John, you know what I'm talking

00:38:25.760 about? Don't, don't pretend. Don't pretend. All right, move on before this goes south real quick.

00:38:32.720 Yeah. Matt Peskett. Research is an important part of learning and being knowledgeable.

00:38:38.740 How long should someone spend on a given subject before they know it? What is research? How should

00:38:45.160 one research? Uh, there's a concept, especially in the business space called minimum viable product,

00:38:52.080 minimum viable product. What is the product that you can get out there quick that will produce the

00:38:56.120 result and help improve cashflow and keep the business profitable and sustainable. That's what

00:39:02.060 you ought to do. Get, get the minimum viable product out there, right? Yeah. And test the market and the

00:39:06.440 idea. Exactly. Before you dump a bunch of money into it, right? Much, a bunch of money, time, energy,

00:39:10.640 resources, whatnot, uh, human capital, all that kind of stuff. So research is an important part of

00:39:16.300 learning. Yes, it is. How long should someone spending or spend, uh, as long as you need in

00:39:21.660 order to get the minimum viable product out there. And then once the minimum viable product is out

00:39:26.400 there, then you can continue to research on the backend to improve that minimum viable product.

00:39:30.940 Now we're talking about it in the context of marketing for a business, but I would also say

00:39:35.440 that you would do this in other settings as well. For example, uh, in, in college or in high school,

00:39:42.760 I know we probably have some, some guys that are listening to who are still in high school.

00:39:46.260 Look, you can't get an A plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus. The best you can get is an

00:39:52.140 A. So write an A paper and then move on to something else more important. Like you don't

00:39:58.240 need to go above and beyond to produce something that you're incapable of producing any better.

00:40:04.200 Like just produce what's going to give you the minimum viable product, which is the A that you want

00:40:09.060 and then move on and focus your attention and your resources and energy in somewhere else.

00:40:13.680 Like you, you want to accomplish the task at hand using the most efficient means necessary.

00:40:23.840 Now it's the same thing with the gym. I'm not going to go spend four hours at the gym

00:40:28.660 and dink around on my phone and look at Facebook and talk and flirt with all the girls and do whatever

00:40:34.000 it is that guys do in the gym for four hours. When I can go in there for 40 minutes and get my ass

00:40:37.900 kicked and be done. Cause now I have three hours and 20 minutes that the other guy doesn't have

00:40:42.300 that. I could actually go out and produce something better. So get the minimum viable

00:40:46.820 product out there, do the minimum research necessary. And then once the product is out there,

00:40:54.120 now you can continue to research, continue to hone, to develop, to learn, to grow, to expand.

00:41:00.240 We've done that with the iron council. We've done that with our events. We've done that with the

00:41:04.260 podcast. I mean, we've done it in every context imaginable within order of men and it works.

00:41:09.940 And that's the way I'll continue to do it. Anything you'd add Kip?

00:41:16.280 No, I mean, I, I don't think there's ever, I mean, I think there's always value in learning

00:41:20.640 and being knowledgeable, right? So when does research end? I don't think it ever does,

00:41:24.260 but I think it's really tied to what you're wanting to accomplish, right? In my line of business,

00:41:29.300 it is valuable for me to be the best at what I do, not just efficient. It's actually really highly

00:41:38.140 beneficial to me and my company that I'm the best at it. And so am I going to put in more time

00:41:43.700 than, than maybe another subject or in a different area of my life for sure, right? Because there's,

00:41:50.900 there's a result, um, of that, of those actions of me being the best. So I think it really depends on

00:41:57.180 what you're wanting to accomplish. Are you, are you wanting to learn and become knowledgeable just

00:42:01.120 for the sake of knowing is a tide, uh, is the marketplace tough and you need to be, you know,

00:42:07.460 have your a game and be the best in your industry. And is there a value in that? I think it all,

00:42:12.580 there's a lot of considerations. Well, you can't answer the question. When is research enough

00:42:17.880 without putting a product out into the marketplace? Yeah. Whether that, and look, that product could be

00:42:23.340 you. Cause I know there's people out there who are professional students. They've been in college

00:42:27.840 for 15 years and, and yet they've never gone out into the world and produced anything. It's like,

00:42:32.860 what the hell are you doing? Yeah. What, why aren't you putting all this knowledge into practice that

00:42:38.120 will improve your life and life and the lives of the people that, that you, you could potentially

00:42:42.380 improve. Like, what is it that you're doing? So is education important? Yes. Do I believe people

00:42:49.760 should go to college? Yes. If it produces a result, but just to perpetually be in college

00:42:55.800 and never do anything with all that information and knowledge you have is a complete waste of time

00:43:00.120 and resources. You know, I love to add, I mean, I love where this is going and we could totally

00:43:05.300 rat hole on this, but I would even argue that he used the term learning and knowledge. You know,

00:43:12.040 what's better than both of those experience and wisdom and you don't get experience and wisdom

00:43:19.720 through research only through action. Yeah. Well, you need both. I mean, you should have both,

00:43:24.760 right? Yeah. You can't have wisdom if you are just like sporadically shotgunning, approaching

00:43:30.160 every, I'll just try this, this, this, this, and this, this. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, like,

00:43:33.080 like get focused for a minute, then try it. That's how you become wise.

00:43:36.020 Totally. I mean, I can relate this to my degree, computer science, software development. That's my

00:43:43.160 degree. And what I learned in college didn't even come close to preparing me and getting me the

00:43:50.220 knowledge and wisdom I know now. And the only way I would have gotten to where I am now is through

00:43:54.400 action and through actually doing it. Yeah. Yep. There's a fine line here between gaining

00:44:00.500 information and then applying said information. And you can't answer the question, when is enough

00:44:05.840 until you go put it to the test? Yeah. Just be careful not to get in that rat hole, right? We,

00:44:10.280 we hear this a lot of preparing, right? It's gotta be perfect. I, I, I gotta know everything before I

00:44:16.160 can start. Yeah. And then, and then they don't take action. So be careful of that. A hundred percent

00:44:21.860 to trap. All right. Christopher Nickerson. I would be curious to hear y'all thoughts, y'all.

00:44:28.840 You said that so wrong. Really? I would be curious. I'm just kidding. You just didn't use the accent.

00:44:34.720 I'm just giving you a hard time, man. You're like, wait, how would you pronounce that?

00:44:39.160 Y'alls. All right. Let me try it. Y'alls. I'd be curious.

00:44:43.480 Dude, we're going to get, dude, we're going to get so many messages that you said that now. And

00:44:49.480 thank you for adding to my inbox of complaints.

00:44:52.880 That's true. Those, those all go to you. We're going to give you Kip's personal email address

00:44:58.820 here. If he keeps it up. All right, Christopher. Sorry, man. I'm just teasing. But you, you did type

00:45:04.360 y'alls. He did. Same. Okay. Uh, I'd be curious to hear y'all's thoughts on the way society is

00:45:11.100 trending over the past five to 10 years. What is something very specific that comes to mind for

00:45:16.940 you that you feel is the cause of a new trend that you notice? And what do we do to combat it?

00:45:24.040 Well, not all trends are bad. Yeah. So yeah, I'm assuming a negative trend,

00:45:28.420 right? Because there's trends that I, and look, a lot of people, the default is

00:45:31.500 bitch and moan about millennials. I'm a millennial. I'm a millennial. Like, I don't know if that's any

00:45:36.040 different than when my grandma and grandpa were saying kids these days, you know, it's, it's all the

00:45:40.740 same. I think I really do. Is there an entitlement? I think among some millennials. Sure. Just like,

00:45:46.440 I think some baby boomers feel entitled to things. Like, I don't think that's a generational

00:45:51.800 characteristic or quality. I think there's certain people who feel entitled to something

00:45:55.980 and there's certain people who, who don't, but I also believe that millennials are very aware of,

00:46:01.760 uh, not only profit, we'll talk about business, not only profits and, and capitalism, but very aware

00:46:08.740 of, of how it impacts society as a whole and very aware of how it impacts the environment. And so

00:46:14.280 those are considerations that I think are probably worth taking into, into consideration.

00:46:20.800 Uh, so that, that's, that's a trend is that I see there's a, a desire to do right.

00:46:29.120 And I think that's a good thing. I also think the other side of that is it could be very misleading

00:46:34.100 because it's very, uh, idealistic and it's not operating in reality. And so there's certainly a

00:46:39.060 challenge and a struggle with that as well. Uh, so, so the trend I would say there is that there's

00:46:45.100 this idea to do good, but the problem is it is it comes at the expense of understanding the reality

00:46:50.800 of the situation in which we deal with. There's that, uh, I definitely see, think there's a negative

00:46:56.220 trend when it comes to the way that our boys are being raised. If you look at just about every metric

00:47:01.620 imaginable violence, poverty, crime, suicide, depression, uh, grades, dropout rates, it's all

00:47:10.120 boys are just falling behind in every one of those metrics. And that's a trend that needs to be

00:47:16.940 considered. How do we re how do we combat that? I think specifically within, in the walls of our

00:47:22.240 homes that we be engaged men that we'd be engaged fathers. Kip, you and I were talking about this

00:47:26.880 before we hit record. If you're going to bring a baby into the world and there's no surprise how it

00:47:31.280 happens. I think everybody listening to this probably understands how a baby comes into this

00:47:34.980 world. Then you have a moral obligation to raise that child into a man or a woman. You have a moral 0.93

00:47:42.520 obligation to do that. And if you're going to bring a baby into the world, if you're going to have sex 0.94

00:47:47.280 with, with a woman and you're going to bring a baby into the world, that is now your moral obligation 1.00

00:47:50.880 to hell with your feelings and your thoughts about it. After the fact you did the deed, now finish 0.87

00:47:56.260 it, see it through, which means raise a human being. Own it. Own it. You, you already have owned

00:48:03.640 it. So finish it. So that's, that's, that's what we do in the walls of our home inside of our

00:48:11.160 communities. Us as men have to reach out and help whether that's a big brothers, big sisters type

00:48:17.940 program, uh, volunteering at a, at a YMCA or your community center, or maybe it's foster children or,

00:48:26.700 uh, coaching a, uh, a youth sports team or volunteering to help with afterschool or some

00:48:33.560 sort of extracurricular activity. Again, men have a moral obligation to do that. You have an obligation

00:48:39.620 to serve in your communities. In the school system, we really need to be fighting for

00:48:45.760 experiential learning. It's not enough for boys specifically to learn from a book. We don't want

00:48:50.700 to learn from books. We don't care. I probably read three books in high school. And the only one

00:48:56.280 I really remember was old man in the sea because why it was a man's story. It was a story about

00:49:02.060 being a man and dealing with the shit that we have to deal with in life. And so it engaged me,

00:49:07.040 but outside of that, the only thing I really enjoyed was football and being outside on the football

00:49:13.080 field and bumping heads with other dudes and getting my butt kicked and kicking their butts. 0.89

00:49:19.920 And we, boys aren't getting that. They're, they're, they're sitting down in classrooms for six,

00:49:24.040 seven, eight hours. They're reading just nonsense. They're being taught primarily by women, which 1.00

00:49:28.860 I don't want anybody to misconstrue this. I don't, there's nothing wrong with women teaching boys. 1.00

00:49:33.060 Okay. I'm not saying that, but what I am saying is they also need experience for men

00:49:36.100 and they need to go outside and they need to burn ants with magnifying glasses. And they need to

00:49:41.500 throw snowballs at each other and they need to fight and they need to do all the things that boys

00:49:45.500 do. And they don't get any of that inside the school system. And they're not even getting it

00:49:49.040 at home because they're being raised by a single mom primarily. It's unfortunate. And I think these 0.58

00:49:54.620 are the three things that we do to help raise our, our young men and turn them, yeah, turn them into men.

00:50:02.480 I do not think that you've given any thought to that answer.

00:50:05.480 Yeah. I, I, I don't think about it at all ever, by the way, we just got our video done from the,

00:50:12.380 uh, from the legacy event. It's so good. It is so awesome. Oh my gosh. It's unbelievable.

00:50:20.000 Have you posted it yet? No, I'm going to, I'm going to post it probably this week when we have

00:50:23.980 the dates for the next legacy event. So we'll let you guys know when that is. Cool. Yep. Cool. Cool. Cool.

00:50:29.240 All right. Paul Berkuez, Berkuez, Berkuez. Sure. You probably answered this before somewhere,

00:50:37.780 but what is your morning routine? I already answered it.

00:50:42.740 Paul, you, you're going to have to listen to all the other episodes.

00:50:45.700 No, no. I answered it just like 20 minutes ago. Oh, you did win. What question? It was,

00:50:51.460 uh, I don't remember the specific question, but he said something about, Oh, it's Nick. He asked

00:50:55.660 about morning routines. Oh yeah. And I went through and I said at five 30, I do this at six. I do this

00:51:00.780 at seven. That's true. So by the time we get to Paul's question here, he will have said, Oh,

00:51:05.220 well, there's my answer. There you go, Paul. Easy. Done. Two birds, one stone. Justin peppered.

00:51:12.840 Where do you see what happened with Kavanaugh and the correlation between what we are seeing today

00:51:18.840 with the message of toxic masculinity? And how do we prepare our kids for the world that

00:51:25.640 that they are going to have to face? If society continues to go down this road,

00:51:29.980 pretty scary, especially with a son. Well, I think I answered the second part of that question

00:51:35.100 just a minute ago. How do we prepare our kids? We engage as fathers, we engage as men in the

00:51:39.560 community, and we engage as men inside of the school system. Now there's an infinite number of

00:51:43.920 ways to do that. Uh, I would, I would read, uh, Dr. Leonard Sachs's work specifically boys

00:51:49.720 adrift. Uh, I would read, uh, manhood in the making by David Gilmore. I would read Dr. Warren

00:51:56.640 Farrell's book called the boy crisis. And those three resources are very, very powerful resources

00:52:02.560 about masculinity and manliness. And specifically with Dr. Sachs and Dr. Farrell, uh, what is going

00:52:09.400 on with our boys and what can be done? I would love to give you an answer, but between those three

00:52:13.800 resources, you'll have all that you need to know. Those are the books that I study and that I've read.

00:52:19.240 So anything I would give you as far as an answer can be better articulated by those three gentlemen.

00:52:24.760 Cool. Now with regards to Kavanaugh and the correlation that what the, the, between the

00:52:30.320 message of toxic masculinity, um, look, here's the deal. I don't want this to get political. Okay.

00:52:36.880 Did Kavanaugh assault Dr. Ford sexually assault Dr. Ford? I don't know, but is there a likelihood

00:52:44.460 that that happened? Sure. Is there a likelihood that it didn't happen? Sure. But here,

00:52:49.060 in America, we live our, our, I guess our doctrine, our principles, one of is that we are innocent

00:52:57.420 until proven guilty. He was not proven guilty through FBI investigations, through evidence,

00:53:02.460 through everything else that could have potentially come up. There wasn't proof. So based upon the laws

00:53:09.460 of our land, he is innocent until proven guilty. He was not proven guilty. So there's a huge,

00:53:15.620 huge problem when we have both men and women that want to string somebody up without having the evidence

00:53:26.000 to support the claim. Is it an unfortunate situation? Absolutely. If it actually did happen,

00:53:33.960 then it is horrendous. It's tragic. And it should be despised by not just women, but by men as well.

00:53:45.220 But there was no real solid evidence, or at least enough to have a trial, let alone a conviction of

00:53:54.240 any sorts. So to say that a man is bad or wrong or guilty just because he's a man is what we would

00:54:06.080 call sexism. So it's really funny that, that a group of individuals who are calling for, or calling not

00:54:18.660 to be a discriminated against based on their gender, are discriminating based on their gender.

00:54:25.240 It gets a flawed way to debate that argument and it will never win. In fact, if anything,

00:54:31.360 it's just going to create more polarity and more struggle and contention between men and women. 0.84

00:54:39.660 It's stupid. But I also think it's the minority of people that are complaining about this kind of

00:54:44.300 stuff as well. It just happens to be very public and visible. Yeah. Noise, a lot of noise. You know,

00:54:50.520 what's crazy about Kavanaugh's thing is the allegation of how long ago it occurred.

00:54:59.660 That's well, that's what I'm saying. There's a lot there. Look, there's a lot of holes

00:55:03.140 that can be poked at. And that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It just means that there wasn't

00:55:09.320 enough evidence to prove that it did. And that is the law of the land, which is a good law.

00:55:14.300 Well, what's crazy is, you know, uh, I use this as an example for my son of like, here's this guy

00:55:21.140 is old from his perspective and how he handled himself in high school is haunting him, right?

00:55:32.180 Like just let's assume that he, the, the rape charges and everything is false. Just the fact

00:55:37.980 that he was partying and getting drunk and kind of crazy high schooler is affecting him.

00:55:44.300 To this day. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good point. You gotta, you gotta consider that stuff.

00:55:48.440 Yeah. You gotta be on your a game, man. Always.

00:55:51.740 Well, and you know, what's funny is, is some of these same people who were, uh,

00:55:57.520 mocking and ridiculing vice president Pence for not wanting to be alone with women

00:56:02.160 are the same people who get upset at these types of things. It's like, well,

00:56:07.340 you have somebody who's protecting himself and women, frankly, and you get upset about that.

00:56:13.260 And yet then on the other side, you, you're going to hang somebody for, for not doing it. So it's

00:56:18.000 like, what do you want? Like what, what, what, what can be done? Which leads me to believe that

00:56:23.940 there's nothing, there's nothing that can be done that would satisfy, uh, somebody who thinks of

00:56:30.160 men is inherently toxic. Copy. Devin Hesketh definitely would like to hear this discussed.

00:56:39.660 Well, here you go. Devin sexual misconduct and rape accusations are a huge problem today

00:56:45.500 and keeping ourselves blameless and out of compromising situations that could go

00:56:50.220 sour would be an interesting discussion topic. I don't think it's interesting at all. I think it's 0.66

00:56:55.060 a necessity. Yeah. Like don't, don't hang around women by yourself unless she approves of that. 0.99

00:57:03.900 And you guys have the same motives and intentions. Like don't put yourself in compromising situations.

00:57:10.700 That's simple. Don't get drunk to the point where you have no idea what the hell's going on.

00:57:16.040 That's simple. That's not going to keep you out of not only sexual misconduct and rape allegations,

00:57:22.700 it's going to just keep you out of all sorts of trouble. Don't do dumb shit.

00:57:28.060 And then you're less likely to be blamed for doing dumb shit. I mean, it just, it absolutely

00:57:33.520 pisses me off that we have so many men out there who are doing whatever the hell they want to do

00:57:39.300 and losing all their inhibitions. And then they're upset that they're, they're being blamed and charged

00:57:46.280 with, well, yeah, you're acting like an asshole. Don't want to be treated like an asshole. Don't act 0.84

00:57:52.160 like an asshole. Now I'm not saying by default, a guy that gets drunk should be, should have to deal

00:57:58.220 with that. But I'm just saying you're putting yourself in a compromising situation. So don't

00:58:06.000 don't. And look, here's the deal. Even if you don't put yourself in any compromising situation,

00:58:12.980 you may still be compromised. So focus on what you can control, which is controlling your mind,

00:58:19.800 being clear and thought, having some values, having some principles, having a code of conduct by

00:58:27.140 which you operate, and you will be far less likely to be dealing with these types of situations.

00:58:34.700 So look, on one hand, I, I reject. I think it's, I think it's despicable for a human being to falsely

00:58:45.560 accuse another human of doing something as nasty as raping a woman.

00:58:53.560 On the other side, as a man, don't get yourself in compromising situations. We both have a part to

00:59:01.200 play in this. So do your part. And it's less likely that it will happen.

00:59:06.580 Agree? Disagree? Anything you'd add to that?

00:59:13.160 Nothing needed to be said. It's spot on, man.

00:59:16.520 Here's what's going to happen. People are going to message me and they're going to say,

00:59:19.800 well, really, it's not always men's fault. Look, I know. I know it's not. And I just told you,

00:59:24.780 it's despicable. Any human being would, would, would falsely accuse another human being of doing

00:59:29.960 something like that. But don't, but own what you can and owning what you can means keeping your head

00:59:38.020 and your mind and your body clear, having a code of conduct, not putting yourself in compromising

00:59:43.440 situations and living life according to a standard that you've identified as being important for you.

00:59:51.080 I'm not, I don't, I don't drink anymore. I think we talked about that on the last episode,

00:59:55.300 but we also talked about me getting so drunk that I blacked out that I didn't even remember what had

01:00:02.700 happened the night before. That's a compromising situation. No man should put himself in.

01:00:08.520 Yeah. So be very, very careful, especially in this day and age.

01:00:13.460 Well, and if, if you know that you're predisposed to, to be an arrogant ass, to be a jerk, to do

01:00:23.520 whatever, when you drink, then you know what, just stop drinking, stop riding the fence of what you

01:00:31.080 want versus what you should do. Right. We, you've talked about this right in the past about the

01:00:35.600 integrity gap, right? The smaller that gap is guys, the more we're on our a games and, and we constantly

01:00:44.920 ride the fence. We constantly go, Oh, you know, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's okay.

01:00:50.420 I can handle it. And then before you know it, guess what? We're regretting decisions that we've

01:00:55.600 made. We're affecting the people that we love in a negative light. You know what? Have some integrity,

01:01:01.820 a hundred percent integrity, right? You have it or you don't right. Eliminate that and eliminate that

01:01:07.480 gap. Yeah. I, uh, I'll give you a small example. I had a, uh, a friend of mine, a woman reach out to

01:01:14.040 me and she said, Hey Ryan, I really appreciate what you're doing. I think I'm thinking about starting

01:01:18.120 something similar. Uh, can I meet with you to talk about it? And I said, yes, initially. And she

01:01:25.600 wanted to come to my office, which happens to be my house. And so when she sent that, I really thought

01:01:30.200 about that for a second. I said, you know, and I thought to myself, you know, I think I know that

01:01:35.200 her intentions are pure. Like she just wants to know about the business, but I'm not willing to,

01:01:41.940 to put myself or my family or anybody who listens to this podcast and believes in me

01:01:49.660 in that situation. So I reached out to her and I said, Hey, I really appreciate that you want to

01:01:55.340 learn about the business. I really appreciate that you want to come over and see the office

01:01:59.920 and what it is we're doing. Um, I I'll tell you what, I'll bring my computer. We can go down to

01:02:05.300 the restaurant. We can do whatever it is you want to do, but we're just not, we're just not going to

01:02:08.940 do it at my house. And she wrote me back and she said, Hey, I actually really appreciate that.

01:02:15.440 She's like, yes, of course, my intentions are pure. And, and, and I really just want to know

01:02:19.800 about the business, but I don't take insult to that at all. I really appreciate that. That's how

01:02:23.700 you would handle that because that's how most women behave. Most women admire and respect that. 1.00

01:02:30.980 And that's how I believe most men behave as well. Don't put yourself in compromising

01:02:37.360 situations. They're very easy to recognize. They're very easy to avoid. So just do that

01:02:45.520 and everything will be fine. Yeah. And this serves as an example to your kids.

01:02:53.280 For sure. Right. What, what do we teach our young boys constantly? Avoid bad situations,

01:02:59.280 avoid compromising situations. Like it's at the very center of teenagers making bad decisions.

01:03:04.360 Right. I mean, what would have happened if, if she came over to my house and my wife didn't happen to 1.00

01:03:08.820 be here and so a neighbor drove by and saw a woman come over and come into my house, like, or my kids, 1.00

01:03:16.840 for whatever reason, came home from school early. And there's a woman in my, in my office downstairs. 0.60

01:03:21.540 Like what, what kind of signal am I giving? Even if there is nothing going on, it's not a good

01:03:28.780 situation to put yourself in. Anyways, I think, I think we're beating a dead horse here. What else

01:03:35.280 we got? Let's take a couple more, man. Okay. Uh, how would you pronounce Justin's last name?

01:03:41.260 Kofin? Kofin? Kyoin? Kyoin? I don't know. Kyoin? Yeah. Justin? Kyoin? Do you have any future

01:03:49.240 plans for a legacy type event? I think we've answered that, but for fathers and daughters,

01:03:53.460 like in the feedback I have heard. And also what you spoke on from the first event, I have a step

01:04:00.720 daughter at 11 and my own six. And I'm thinking, uh, thinking I, or we would enjoy an event like

01:04:06.860 that. You know, I, I really appreciate the idea. Um, and I've thought about this and I've had people

01:04:12.160 ask about this, but I think this actually ties into the last couple of questions here. Uh, unless I

01:04:18.560 changed the event quite a bit, it would be, it would be inappropriate to handle a father daughter

01:04:26.040 event the same way that we handled this father son event. Cause we were camping in tents and,

01:04:31.020 and there was multiple dads with multiple boys. I mean, it was, it was, we were all just kind of

01:04:35.540 together. Bathrooms were the same, like there, because there were a bunch of guys. So if I was

01:04:42.320 going to do that, the cost would go significantly up higher because each father daughter combo would

01:04:49.860 have to have their own private room with bathroom and things like that. Um, I, I just don't know.

01:04:56.560 I don't know what that would look like, but the way that it is right now, it would not be appropriate

01:05:00.720 for a father daughter event. So the, uh, the best answer I can give right now is unless we change

01:05:07.940 the, the event itself, the answer would be no, but I'm not saying it's ruled out. I'm just saying

01:05:13.080 I'd really have to consider what that would actually look like. Not that daughters aren't 1.00

01:05:17.680 important. I have people that say that all the time. Oh, we do suffer sons. Yeah. Because it's

01:05:21.220 called order of man. So part of that is being a good man and other parts of it are helping raise

01:05:27.800 other men. Now I realize I have a daughter, other guys have daughters. I'm not saying that we're going

01:05:33.220 to not teach them the things they need to learn. I'm just saying we're focused on, on this stuff,

01:05:38.640 but I also see the value of it. I just don't know what it would look like yet. All right. Bruce,

01:05:46.360 Bruce, his question, how do you cold approach larger companies to who you pitch your brand?

01:05:53.060 I don't know if he's asking like how I would, how I personally do it or how somebody should do it.

01:05:59.300 I don't, he's asking what you would do. I don't, I wouldn't cold. I would, I would try not to cold

01:06:04.740 approach a larger company. And what I mean by that is I would, I would like that company to know

01:06:10.300 who I am, what I'm all about before. I'll give you an example. We had Evan Hafer on the podcast a

01:06:17.460 couple of weeks ago, black rifle coffee, significantly larger company than order of man

01:06:21.340 with a far greater reach and impact. Well, I reached out to him in a way you could say it was cold.

01:06:26.700 I reached out to him. I said, Hey, Evan, you know, I'd love to have you in the podcast. Here's

01:06:30.020 past people that we've had on. So that's, that's a tactic. You know, we've had Jocko on,

01:06:34.860 we have a Tim Kennedy, but all these guys that you already know that are in the same space in the same

01:06:38.880 field. So I'd love to have you on the podcast. Brian, Brian, if you don't mind me asking. So

01:06:45.240 is part of that, are you setting up, what are the benefits to them of being on the podcast? And you

01:06:50.920 kind of illustrate what, how it could benefit them. That's the only thing you're setting up.

01:06:55.460 Okay. Cause nobody cares what's in it for me. Yeah. But you communicate those things. Like

01:07:01.700 we have so many listeners and et cetera. Hey, you know, like when I reached out to Jocko the very

01:07:06.460 first time it was when he came out with a extreme ownership and I reached out and I said, Hey Jocko,

01:07:12.460 like I love your book. I've read your book. I've, we've introduced it in our mastermind. We've

01:07:16.960 we're using it as the book of the month for our book club. And I'm going to promote this. I'm going

01:07:23.020 to share this. You want to come on the podcast? He's like, yes. I'm like, Whoa, I didn't expect

01:07:26.080 that. And then we went back and forth for probably a month to six weeks of like back and forth. Can

01:07:31.940 we make this work? Can you make this work? And he was hard to coordinate with cause he's,

01:07:35.180 he's busy, that kind of stuff. And we could never pin anything down. And I finally just said,

01:07:40.380 I sent him a message. I think it was on Twitter, a direct message. Cause we were following each

01:07:44.040 other at that point. And I said, Hey Jocko, I know you're busy. I understand. I want you to know

01:07:50.460 that we need to make this happen because at the end of the day, I'm going to go to bat for you.

01:07:54.360 I'm going to sell your books. I'm going to promote what you're doing. I believe in what you're doing.

01:07:57.860 And I'm going to go to work for you. And he wrote me a message back. He said, great, let's do it.

01:08:03.120 And we scheduled it not long after and made it work. And we've done three podcasts now. And,

01:08:06.560 and we've gotten to know each other over the past couple of years because I had his intentions in

01:08:12.460 mind. Now it was a win-win. He knows that everybody knows that, but he saw that I was serious

01:08:18.580 about helping him win. So when you're approaching larger companies, I think the biggest mistake,

01:08:25.620 the smaller company in this situation makes is they, they say, will you help me?

01:08:32.040 Hey, I'm just, I'm just getting started, but it'd be really cool if you could come on the podcast.

01:08:35.880 That's a very selfish reason for getting somebody to come on your podcast.

01:08:40.840 On the other hand, if it's, Hey, we're just getting started. We don't have a lot of listeners,

01:08:44.960 but man, listeners we do have are, are loyal. They're dedicated. They're ambitious. They're

01:08:51.440 willing to invest in themselves. And we've had all these other people on. So they're used to having

01:08:56.840 a message like this. They really resonate with the message. They go out there. They're going to

01:09:01.080 buy books. They're going to buy courses. They're going to buy products. I want to get you

01:09:05.300 in front of our audience. So you can share what's important to you. You get it? You what you it's

01:09:15.180 about you and helping you, not me. Yes. I will benefit from it as a secondary to helping you.

01:09:22.660 So that's how you pitch what's in it for them. Not you, them. Um, now going back to the story with

01:09:31.380 Evan Hafer, he reached back out. So it was cold. What I thought it was a cold approach. I didn't

01:09:35.280 know if he knew what we were all about. He reached back out. He's like, Hey man. Yeah. I'd love to

01:09:39.940 come on the podcast. Um, I've heard about what you're doing. Sounds like you're doing some great

01:09:43.780 things. We have some mutual friends. It'd be really cool to have a conversation. Boom. Schedule done.

01:09:49.260 What I thought was cold, wasn't cold at all because he knew who I was. And maybe if he didn't know me,

01:09:56.240 he knew the organization and he knew other people who came on and who had become on the podcast and

01:10:01.300 are affiliated loosely in some way with our organization. And that made it not cold for

01:10:05.960 him. So find roundabout ways for introductions and how you can, how you can get your product in

01:10:12.340 front of people. Um, I share, I share a lot of people, a lot of company stuff like, uh, one company

01:10:18.760 that, um, I just started working with just a little bit that I hope to develop and grow a bigger,

01:10:22.640 uh, uh, I don't want to say partnership, but just a relationship, a bigger relationship with is

01:10:29.880 Kofaru international. They do, um, hunting gear and bags. And I reached out to him. I said, Hey,

01:10:35.300 here's, here's what I do. Here's what we're all about. Here's the hunts I'm going on. Here's how

01:10:38.920 I want to promote you. Here's how I want to help you. Here's the other guys that you know, that I know.

01:10:42.660 And he reached back out and he said, yeah, man, I'd love to help. Like, let me send you some gear for

01:10:46.360 your next hunt and you can test it out, see what you think. And you can share it with your audience.

01:10:50.500 Like I'm, I'm there to help the more I can help. And Zig Ziglar said this perfectly.

01:10:54.360 If you help enough people get what they want, you will get what it is you want.

01:11:01.580 And that's what, what I do when I approach larger companies, I, I strive to serve.

01:11:07.780 As you know, Ryan, I, I had my own consulting company for 10 years. I, I sold now. I I've joined

01:11:14.760 another company journey team here in salt Lake. And you know how many times I've heard people say,

01:11:20.100 man, you're such a good salesman. And I completely get uncomfortable with it. I go,

01:11:26.340 what are you talking about? And the reason why I can't relate when I, when people say

01:11:31.520 that I'm good at sales, because I'm not selling like even this question bothers me to hear you

01:11:38.220 pitch your brand. I don't pitch my brand. Guess what I do? I meet with companies and I help them

01:11:44.880 establish and see if some technology can help them. That's all I'm doing. I'm just trying to

01:11:51.060 help them understand what's possible so they can determine if it could help. That's it. It's very

01:11:56.800 authentic, right? And, and that's, what's highly effective is providing a service, just serve

01:12:03.940 people, right? We, we talk about it even in your personal lives, right? Our, our role is as men is

01:12:09.460 to serve. Well, guess what? The most effective role you have in business is to serve, provide value to

01:12:15.000 people. And, and if you're about, if you can, then guess what? It's a great pitch. Yeah. And

01:12:21.620 they'll use you. Yeah. Right. If you have to convince people, I mean, we provide, I swear, I

01:12:27.280 provide free consulting services on a regular basis, right? Cause we'll meet with clients and they'll

01:12:32.780 go, Oh, you know, I don't know what to do with this and what technology. And we ended up having an hour

01:12:37.380 and a half meeting and I'm just brain dumping on what I would consider. They, uh, what I think they

01:12:43.680 should consider and the approach that they should take and whatnot. And it's, and it's, it's necessary,

01:12:48.960 right? And I really feel that all I do is just help people. Well, not even Kip, not even that it's

01:12:53.840 necessary. I'm going to fill in the blank here for you. I don't want to put words in your mouth.

01:12:57.720 Not that it's necessary. It's just who you are. Yeah. It's just, you want to be helpful.

01:13:03.340 You want to serve other people. And you know, that by serving enough people in a way that helps

01:13:09.080 them that you, again, you'll inevitably get what you want. I mean, I get messages every day from

01:13:13.920 people. Hey, Ryan, I'm dealing with this in my relationship, or, you know, I'm having this issue

01:13:17.380 with, with, with exercise or my mindset or this or that. It's like, I don't, I don't write him a

01:13:21.880 message and say, join the iron council and I'll give you the answer. Although you should,

01:13:26.220 you should join the iron council. I, you should. And I definitely suggest it. Don't get me wrong.

01:13:30.780 But I also say, Hey, you know, here's something I've tried and it seemed to work for me.

01:13:35.940 I hope it works for you. You might, you might be interested in our iron council too, because

01:13:39.660 we talk about these things and it's not just hearing from me. It's hearing from 450 other guys.

01:13:44.460 And some of them take me up on the offer and some don't, but either way, I hope they're better served

01:13:48.340 by having reached out and dropped me a line. Let's just, just help people just help and you'll be fine.

01:13:55.540 And that authenticity, I think results when providing those services, that authenticity

01:14:00.760 allows you to create a relationship, not a business relationship. Like often clients that

01:14:07.480 we engage with, I almost feel like we're friends. Like I'm pals with them. I help them. We, we rub

01:14:14.360 shoulders together and we accomplish something together. And I'm assuming that's the case even

01:14:18.480 with you, Ryan is a lot of your quote unquote customers see you as a friend. It's not a business

01:14:23.860 transaction. And the reason why they probably feel that way is because you were authentic

01:14:28.600 in your services. Well, because I, I care about people. That's really what it comes down to.

01:14:33.520 I care. You know, Kip, I want you to thrive. I want you to succeed. I want you to win.

01:14:37.320 If I didn't want that, I wouldn't invited you to be a co-host with a podcast. Like I want you to win.

01:14:42.560 And if you're going to be a co-host, great. If you're going to be a member of the iron council,

01:14:45.100 great. If you're not great, I still want you to win. And I think that premise eliminates a lot

01:14:52.160 of the questions about like, Oh, how do I pitch myself? So let's answer this next question.

01:14:56.680 Cause I, I reviewed this next question and it's good. And I don't think we've ever addressed this

01:15:02.020 before. Yeah. Well, and Tyler wants to win in the bedroom. I'm just joking. I don't, I don't mean it.

01:15:11.000 This is a great question. I think you're right though. I think he does want, just like any guy

01:15:15.540 should, right. You want to win in the bedroom with your wife. I don't, I think that's, that's the, 1.00

01:15:19.760 that's the right approach. All right, let's get some Tyler Barnhart. His question, how have you

01:15:26.100 built a better sex life with your wife and overcome any garbage from your single years when you may 0.61

01:15:32.600 have slept with other people and had porn use? So full disclosure for me, um, I wasn't a virgin

01:15:40.600 when my wife and I got married and I watched porn full disclosure. Uh, I don't know if I would had a

01:15:48.500 bunch of quote unquote garbage necessarily, but those were certainly things that, that I had

01:15:54.180 participated in. I guess if you'd use that word, maybe that's the right word. Um, but I don't think

01:15:59.140 it created a lot of baggage for me. Uh, so I, I'm not really sure what garbage, unless there's some

01:16:06.860 sort of maybe sex or porn addiction that you are dealing with that maybe created some problems there.

01:16:12.620 Um, so I, I don't know. I don't know quite how to answer that part of it. Now, that being said,

01:16:18.400 I can definitely talk about building a better sex life. I think two things that come up immediately,

01:16:23.600 cause I haven't gone through these questions. So two things I can think of right off the bat

01:16:27.840 is number one, listen to your wife, listen to her. And I don't mean just like verbally listen to her.

01:16:35.700 I mean, be in tune with her. Like, what is she responding to? Not just sexually and physically,

01:16:43.400 but emotionally on a spiritual level, also physically, what is she connecting with?

01:16:50.000 What is she resonating with? Is she responding positively to this? Is she not responding

01:16:54.080 positively to this? I think if you just took some time and really just listened, not with your ears,

01:17:00.220 but with your heart and your mind and your soul, you listen to her. I think you could get a lot of

01:17:06.040 feedback that would definitely improve your sex life and every other facet of your relationship with

01:17:12.000 her as well. That's number one. Number two is become sexually attractive to her. Become sexually

01:17:21.960 attractive to her. I have my, every once in a while, my wife will say, I'll be out in the yard and I'll be

01:17:26.580 working. I'll be digging a hole or planting a tree or building something or working out in the shop.

01:17:31.280 And, and I look back at the house and I can see my wife looking out the window and I'll come inside

01:17:35.160 and get a drink. And she'll say, I just love watching you work. Yeah, because I'm doing, I'm in my

01:17:42.920 element. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a man, which is working, protecting, providing,

01:17:48.140 presiding. And of course she's attracted to that. Why wouldn't she be attracted to that?

01:17:53.700 So I would say that you need to do what you need to do as a man, be a man, behave like a man,

01:18:00.140 lose weight, get in shape, exercise, be productive around the house, continue to court her, woo her,

01:18:07.880 win her over, treat her the same way you were treating her when you were trying to win her over. 0.57

01:18:12.240 Listen to her again, with your ears, your heart, your mind, your soul, respond to that feedback that

01:18:18.100 she gives you in a way that's constructive and will create a better sex life with her. 0.94

01:18:23.480 And I would also say experiment, experiment with her, like let her know what you're into.

01:18:29.360 You got to talk to her. You got to tell her what you're into, what you want to try. You got to ask

01:18:33.920 her what she's into, what she wants to try and try those things and experiment and have fun. I mean,

01:18:38.900 that's part of the point of having sex. Of course, not the only, but that's part of it to connect in a

01:18:43.700 way that's significant and meaningful to both of you. So those are some of my tips.

01:18:49.040 Ask her to wash your beard. Maybe that's right, man. You never know.

01:18:53.040 Get kinky. Get kinky. Hey, look, like I said earlier, whatever floats your boat, if that does it

01:18:58.980 and that's what she's into wash away on wash away. 0.99

01:19:04.680 And this is spot on yesterday. I was reading in the Facebook group, the order of man, Facebook group,

01:19:10.580 which you guys can access by going to facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash order of man.

01:19:15.600 Good plug. Good plug. And, um, you're getting better at those plugs by the way.

01:19:19.800 Yeah. I'm, I'm trying to integrate more natural. Sorry. Um, so anyhow, a guy mentioned

01:19:25.900 about his wife, uh, you know, it was kind of a question to the group about, you know,

01:19:32.100 being married for a while and, and wife's not wanting to have sex anymore. And from his perspective,

01:19:38.560 then I'm paraphrasing, uh, you know, I'm doing my job, I'm doing my thing. And, and she's unwilling

01:19:44.160 all the time. Everything that Ryan just said is applicable to that scenario as well. Right. Here's

01:19:50.320 the reality guys. They're not going to want to have sex with you. If you're being an ass,

01:19:55.060 if you're not emotionally connected to them, if you're not doing your job, right. If you're not

01:20:01.340 providing protecting and presiding, right? Like those things all help us, uh, in the bedroom.

01:20:07.820 And ultimately I agree, man. I think it's totally in our realm to woo our wives, figure it out.

01:20:14.860 At one point they were willing to have sex with you. Yeah. Great point. Right. At one point they

01:20:20.120 were. So what do you need to do different? And, and I don't think it's time by the way. I think,

01:20:25.500 isn't it a statistically, I think women have like their peak of their sex drive is even later in 1.00

01:20:31.040 years than us. So it's not because they're older. Probably it's probably because of something else.

01:20:36.180 So I do think it's in our control. I think, I think a lot of the times it is now look,

01:20:40.960 there's of course, and I don't think you would deny that there's exceptions to that, right? There's,

01:20:44.820 there's things that she might be dealing with me, you know, who knows, maybe there's some sexual

01:20:48.960 trauma in her, in her life. I'm not a therapist by any means, but maybe, maybe she dealt with some

01:20:53.760 sexual trauma in the past and, and that's being welled up. Maybe there's some medical issues.

01:20:58.780 I know that there's some medical issues that women deal with from time to time on, on rare occasion 1.00

01:21:02.920 that makes sex painful, for example. And those are certainly things that need to be addressed.

01:21:08.320 I think with a medical practitioner that's, that's appropriate, but outside of that,

01:21:14.480 I think there's so much to your point, Kip, that we can do to enhance our sex life through

01:21:20.600 our actions, through our actions, uh, through all the things that we talked about in this podcast

01:21:26.940 and all the things that we've talked about on the last 300 podcast, you incorporate these types of

01:21:30.680 things into your life. And I, I can all but guarantee that your sex life improves. Mine certainly is

01:21:35.520 like when I, when I lost 50 pounds and I started, you know, make, making more money and being more

01:21:40.640 engaged with her and the kids and doing it, my sex life improved. Obviously she's looking for a man 1.00

01:21:46.940 act like a man and you're more likely to have a thriving sex life with your wife. 0.81

01:21:53.060 Yeah. And I think there's a little bit of, you know, love languages here, read the book. Don't

01:21:58.660 assume, don't, don't read the, the five love languages and just assume that you know what hers

01:22:04.080 are, you know, read the book. I mean, there's, there's something to be said for that and understanding

01:22:09.540 what, what, what love looks like for her and, and every woman's different, but I, I really do think

01:22:15.420 that love and affection and sex are all kind of tightly related for a woman, um, where sometimes

01:22:23.180 they might be a little bit disconnected for us. Yeah. So, yep. I agree with that. Right on. Interesting

01:22:28.740 one to end on, but like I said, we hadn't talked about that before. So I thought it was worth, uh,

01:22:32.500 worth bringing up. I hope that helps. Yeah. Should we wrap this up, man? Yeah, let's do it. Cool. Um,

01:22:38.220 let me make note here. I'm going to, Oh wait, Tyler, remember Tyler, Tyler's our last question,

01:22:43.660 man. We have a lot of questions. We'll get to them guys. We'll get, Whoa, we really do. Yeah.

01:22:49.380 We'll get to them. Cool. Guys. It's a pleasure. I love these questions. I love the conversation. I,

01:22:58.440 I look forward to hearing what Ryan has to say about a lot of these questions and, and just the

01:23:04.580 quality of the questions is really insightful, you know? And I think this is how we level up by sharing

01:23:09.760 and asking questions and hearing other people's point of view. So it's just spot on. And if you

01:23:14.940 guys, like I mentioned earlier, if you want to participate in, in the submitting of those

01:23:19.660 questions, you can do it really primarily three ways. You can join the Facebook group at facebook.com

01:23:25.540 forward slash groups, forward slash order of man. You can create a Patreon account. That's at

01:23:30.880 patreon.com forward slash order of man. And by the way, there's a whole spew of other perks that kind

01:23:36.000 of come up with that patron membership. And we're tired of hearing Bubba getting free stuff. So

01:23:41.160 join and help reduce his chances of giving, getting free items. And then the last way that you guys can

01:23:47.720 participate is by joining the iron council. You can learn more about the iron council, that brotherhood,

01:23:54.120 that mastermind, whatever we want to call it. You'd be rubbing shoulders with roughly about 500 other men

01:24:00.220 and, uh, doing the actions necessary to level up and holding each other accountable. And you can

01:24:05.760 learn about that at order of man.com forward slash iron council. You can connect with Ryan on Insta

01:24:13.280 at Ryan Mickler and Twitter at order of man. Excellent. You did a wonderful job, man. I think

01:24:19.880 you covered everything. Do we have new products yet? That winter stuff in the store yet? Cause I'm

01:24:24.600 waiting, man. Not yet. Not yet. We've got, I think that'll be here in a week or two. So that'll be

01:24:29.400 here. Uh, we just did a new hat design. Uh, so that will be here in, uh, probably three weeks.

01:24:39.360 It's a curved brim hat. There's four different color options. I know had enough guys finally

01:24:45.280 makes some noise about it. So we'll see how it does, but they will be cool. Yeah. I'll file five

01:24:50.320 of them. Um, so we've got some new stuff coming. Absolutely. The good, the good thing is winter's

01:24:54.560 coming. There's beanies on the way. And the beanie is what's going to unify the divide between

01:25:01.580 curved brim, curved brim and flat brim hats. I think it'll just create more problems. I'm sure

01:25:08.300 of it. Somebody will be at the moment about the wrong color or the wrong style or this and that

01:25:14.060 everything else. Uh, it is what it is. We'll have fun with it in the meantime. Well, cool guys. We'll

01:25:18.640 call it a day. I know we went a little longer on this one, but hope you enjoy the, ask me anything's

01:25:22.020 good questions. Uh, we won't be asking questions for several weeks since we have a, uh, a pretty

01:25:26.300 in-depth queue of questions now, but we'll get to them all. I promise. Uh, I appreciate you guys

01:25:31.160 as always. Thanks for being on the journey with us and, uh, go out there, take action, become the man

01:25:36.260 you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge

01:25:41.680 of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:25:52.020 Thank you.

Order of Man - October 24, 2018

The Myth of "Toxic Masculinity," Overcoming the Fear of Failure, and Addressing False Rape Accusations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Order of Man - October 24, 2018

The Myth of &#x22;Toxic Masculinity,&#x22; Overcoming the Fear of Failure, and Addressing False Rape Accusations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

The Myth of "Toxic Masculinity," Overcoming the Fear of Failure, and Addressing False Rape Accusations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING