Order of Man - The Paradox of Choice, When to Call it Quits, and Living the Intentional Life ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 So I don't look at resistance as an end all, like this is over.

00:00:04.700 I look at it as a way to progress.

00:00:06.400 So if I get into a discussion with my girlfriend about something and we disagree and we have

00:00:12.220 a rough night because of it, I look at it and say, well, this is something that we could

00:00:16.260 fix.

00:00:16.940 We're actually going to be better on the other side of this.

00:00:20.020 If in the business, I lose a client, I'm like, great.

00:00:23.360 Now I have time to go pursue different clients that might be even better.

00:00:26.600 And it's not always easy, but if you can get through that resistance on the other side

00:00:30.360 is some great things that will happen.

00:00:33.980 You're a man of action.

00:00:35.640 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:40.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:44.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:49.520 This is your life.

00:00:50.600 This is who you are.

00:00:52.000 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:00:54.620 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:01:00.640 Kip, what's up, man?

00:01:01.620 Great to see you this Monday morning.

00:01:03.900 Good to see you as well.

00:01:06.100 You noticed, I might have noticed I got a new hat.

00:01:08.860 I'm representing the Utah Archers today.

00:01:11.000 I don't know if you knew this, but the Premier Lacrosse League has a Utah team.

00:01:16.480 So it's good that we have a professional team, you know, other than the jazz, I suppose.

00:01:20.720 But that doesn't really count.

00:01:21.640 Especially when they can't keep decent players.

00:01:26.460 Yeah, you just pissed off everybody.

00:01:27.300 I don't even know because I don't watch them.

00:01:29.700 So I don't even know if they can or can't keep decent players.

00:01:32.820 But I will say the Utah Archers, which is the Lacrosse League, the last two years they've won the championship.

00:01:40.020 Oh, so they're legit?

00:01:40.660 They're kind of stinking it.

00:01:41.820 They're legit.

00:01:42.620 This year they're kind of stinking it up a little bit.

00:01:44.520 But they have been legit in the past two years.

00:01:47.460 So we'll see if they can make a comeback in the later part of the season.

00:01:50.300 Got it.

00:01:50.860 You know what I want to watch?

00:01:52.400 Utah has a rugby team.

00:01:55.520 Utah Warriors.

00:01:56.640 Oh, yeah.

00:01:57.380 Yeah.

00:01:57.800 I've heard of them.

00:01:59.540 I've never seen them play.

00:02:01.000 But I think that'd be fun to go catch a game for sure.

00:02:04.020 I had a nephew that played for Highland.

00:02:06.220 Anybody that's like a rugby fan, you know, like Highland Highland High School has a strong history in the space of rugby.

00:02:16.620 And man, it was fun to watch high school rugby.

00:02:20.020 I mean, talk about tough.

00:02:22.880 I mean, it is not uncommon that they're bleeding, packing their noses with grass and playing.

00:02:30.500 I mean, it was like some brutal, such a brutal sport.

00:02:35.120 It's awesome.

00:02:37.080 It is, for sure.

00:02:38.600 Well, there's another interest.

00:02:41.960 I don't know if you've seen this, but I think this is in New Zealand.

00:02:45.460 Yeah, it's called Run It Straight.

00:02:47.300 Have you heard of this?

00:02:48.680 Yes.

00:02:49.720 Oh, dude.

00:02:50.560 This is insane.

00:02:51.180 No pads, no nothing, right?

00:02:53.440 No, and so I don't know the exact rules, but they have, there's, and I think they're probably 20 to 30 yards apart.

00:03:00.260 And there's one defender and one offensive guy.

00:03:03.800 And the offensive guy has a rugby ball.

00:03:05.940 And he runs straight.

00:03:07.840 And the defender has to tackle him head on.

00:03:10.840 And they just kill each other.

00:03:12.780 And then they switch.

00:03:14.060 So then the defender becomes the running back.

00:03:16.040 And the running back becomes the defender.

00:03:18.400 These are big, scary men.

00:03:19.940 And it is impressive to watch.

00:03:22.880 Yeah.

00:03:23.440 It's crazy.

00:03:23.900 Super cool.

00:03:24.760 Super cool.

00:03:25.500 Yeah.

00:03:25.760 Anyhow.

00:03:26.320 Yeah.

00:03:27.660 So we got questions on the ground.

00:03:30.000 We got some questions.

00:03:31.060 Yeah.

00:03:31.540 We, it's been a while since we asked for some questions over there.

00:03:35.460 So let's pull up a couple here.

00:03:37.840 So number one, let's address the elephant, the bit of the elephant in the room.

00:03:41.300 And this one comes from the hammer seven.

00:03:43.940 He's a good friend of mine, actually.

00:03:45.500 Marine, amazing guy.

00:03:48.280 We actually had a, we had a conversation the other day, a little bit about this, but he

00:03:53.320 said, what are your thoughts on Tim Kennedy and stolen valor?

00:03:56.460 I know you probably know, Kip, the controversy.

00:03:59.880 See, I know Tim personally, and I'll say this, that I liked him.

00:04:04.100 I like him as a human being.

00:04:06.760 He's, he's taught me a lot through different camps and programs and different events that

00:04:13.240 I've been to and seen him participate at and heard him speak.

00:04:16.460 He's been on the podcast twice, I believe.

00:04:20.700 So I, so I liked him and I'm not really here to throw him under the bus.

00:04:25.100 I've, I've never really engaged in that.

00:04:26.720 Do you notice how so many people are so quick to jump on throwing people under the bus?

00:04:31.440 I don't, I think it's okay to talk about these subjects and I think we should talk about

00:04:36.840 them, but the way people do it is the amount of vitriol and hate and hostility isn't something

00:04:43.620 that resonates with me.

00:04:44.660 But that said, yeah, stolen valor is a big deal.

00:04:49.800 It's, it's diabolical.

00:04:51.220 When you start telling people that you've done things heroically that you haven't done,

00:04:57.280 that you, that you've achieved awards and honors and recognitions that didn't really happen.

00:05:07.620 Yeah, that's a, that's an issue.

00:05:09.380 And it's not just an issue because you're being deceitful, although you are, it's an issue

00:05:13.720 because it really downplays what other men and women have done who are actual heroes.

00:05:19.940 And that's the issue is it's a slap into the face of everybody who's actually been to

00:05:26.160 battle, which he has, but been to battle and done heroic things.

00:05:30.280 You know, we've had, for example, um, Kyle Carpenter on the podcast, youngest living Medal

00:05:35.400 of Honor recipient.

00:05:36.120 That guy's an actual hero is a Medal of Honor recipient.

00:05:39.880 Um, and we've had other men who have been blown up.

00:05:43.420 Uh, we had Aaron Hale on the podcast just a couple of weeks ago, EOD tech got, got hit

00:05:50.000 with a improvised explosive device, lost sight in both eyes.

00:05:54.440 And then due to complications through surgery, ended up losing his hearing.

00:06:00.720 So we're not going to diminish people and what they've actually done heroic things because

00:06:06.400 we want to gain some social media clout.

00:06:08.860 So that's what I'm going to say about it.

00:06:10.820 I'm not really going to say much more about it because I think two things can exist at

00:06:14.120 once.

00:06:14.540 I think Tim can be a good person and I could like Tim a lot and I could disapprove of

00:06:19.240 the behavior.

00:06:19.800 The only other thing I would say is I hope Tim continues to own it and to continue to

00:06:26.580 share a message and straighten that stuff out because I also believe in redemption. 0.84

00:06:31.000 I've had my own personal shit that has been controversial. 0.76

00:06:34.480 I know to a small degree, a very small degree, what Tim is probably feeling right now. 0.98

00:06:39.200 And I just hope he stays on course, fixes it, corrects it, owns it, and then moves on.

00:06:43.880 I love that.

00:06:45.100 I mean, I don't know what's interesting about it, Ryan, like just to digest a little

00:06:49.740 bit.

00:06:50.020 It's like, you know, I think we get wrapped up and we think all of that matters, right?

00:06:57.220 Like, um, what's the, what's the movie?

00:07:01.520 You had me at hello.

00:07:03.500 Oh yeah.

00:07:04.160 Show I'm talking about Jerry, Jerry, uh, Jerry McGuire.

00:07:08.160 Jerry, Jerry McGuire.

00:07:09.340 Yeah.

00:07:09.760 Yeah.

00:07:10.300 So Tim Kennedy had me at UFC fighter green beret.

00:07:14.660 Definitely.

00:07:15.140 That was enough.

00:07:16.780 I didn't need, I didn't need everything else.

00:07:20.400 That's bad ass enough. 1.00

00:07:22.540 Right.

00:07:23.060 And, and I think we, we lose ourselves.

00:07:26.120 I don't know.

00:07:26.920 Like I, I think we lose ourselves sometimes to get, it has to be more that than we are.

00:07:33.420 And, and a lot of us are good enough.

00:07:35.900 Um, now not good enough as in don't improve yourself, but like you can be impressive where

00:07:41.560 you are.

00:07:42.100 You don't have to do all that other stuff.

00:07:43.840 And I, I find it fascinating that, that we have a tendency to do that just as humans.

00:07:49.360 Yeah.

00:07:49.800 And look, I, I mean, I'm not going to like victim blame by any means.

00:07:53.540 And there's, there's being a consumer of information and liking Tim Kennedy and then getting blindsided

00:07:59.400 by that information doesn't make somebody a victim.

00:08:01.260 Okay.

00:08:01.680 So that's, that, let me just put that out there.

00:08:03.300 That's not what I'm saying.

00:08:04.880 Um, but also there's a problem with social media and it's hard because I'm engaged in

00:08:10.200 social media every day because this is how we grow the movement and spread a message and

00:08:14.100 reach the men who need to hear what we have to share.

00:08:16.040 But the way that you're incentivized on social media only exacerbates the problem.

00:08:24.700 It only makes guys like me and Tim Kennedy and other people want to share more elaborate

00:08:30.180 things, want to do bigger things, want to have better pictures, want to have better stories.

00:08:35.280 And I'm not justifying it by any means.

00:08:37.540 I think all of us who listen to this podcast are intelligent enough that I'm not saying it's

00:08:42.180 okay.

00:08:42.560 So don't take my words out of context.

00:08:45.980 Don't misconstrue them.

00:08:47.100 We're not justifying the behavior.

00:08:49.280 We're just explaining why some of that might exist.

00:08:53.840 And social media is notorious for rewarding people for exaggerating and inflating stories.

00:09:02.380 And this might be one of those situations.

00:09:05.820 Yeah.

00:09:06.200 And it's almost like a requirement to play the game kind of.

00:09:09.940 Unfortunately.

00:09:10.920 Yeah.

00:09:11.260 Yeah.

00:09:11.440 So that's my thoughts on the whole Tim Kennedy thing.

00:09:14.420 Like I said, I hope Tim owns it and gets better.

00:09:19.300 Just like I hope I do when things happen.

00:09:21.800 And I hope everybody who's listening to this podcast does as well.

00:09:24.900 Copy.

00:09:25.960 All right.

00:09:26.460 Let's go to the next question.

00:09:28.120 This one's, I was almost waiting on you because I'm so accustomed to that.

00:09:31.620 This one comes from, you said, should I have any, should I have zero doubts when trying

00:09:38.600 to decide if I should marry my current girlfriend?

00:09:42.920 Should I have zero doubts?

00:09:44.300 I think what he's saying is, should I be 100% certain?

00:09:47.620 And I don't really know if the wording is correct.

00:09:50.980 I would have concerns isn't right.

00:09:54.460 Even the right word, but I would be realistic.

00:09:57.280 Yeah.

00:09:57.900 Realistic.

00:09:58.400 I think is a good way to look at it.

00:10:00.860 Be aware of red flags is another thing.

00:10:03.700 You know, if there's, if there's things, behaviors in her or, or past behavior or something

00:10:11.420 that you see might be something that would come up in the future, then yeah, I think you

00:10:16.380 should be aware and concerned with some of those things.

00:10:19.480 If she just, if she does weird things like, I don't know, she snorts when she laughs.

00:10:24.640 Okay.

00:10:25.060 Big, that probably I would think is not a deal breaker.

00:10:27.420 Or she makes a weird noise when she chews her food or something.

00:10:30.700 Like not a deal breaker, I would hope, but there might be other things that are.

00:10:35.520 And I think you have to determine what those are and then ask yourself if, um, if those

00:10:43.520 are, those are boundaries, if those are deal breakers for you.

00:10:48.140 Um, but yeah, you, you should always have some concern.

00:10:52.380 I would say yes, to answer the question directly, you should always have some healthy level of

00:10:57.500 concern.

00:10:58.220 And then in addition to that, you should always bring those things up.

00:11:02.000 So one area of life that I see this happen a lot is guys.

00:11:05.800 It's amazing to me how many men and women do not have, for example, financial conversations

00:11:11.140 before they get married.

00:11:13.520 Are you kidding me?

00:11:15.280 Number one contributing factor to divorce. 0.99

00:11:18.040 Yeah.

00:11:18.540 Yeah.

00:11:19.600 So if, if you're in a relationship, I would hope that you ask about her spending habits,

00:11:25.020 her, how does she budget? 0.99

00:11:26.620 I would hope she would ask you about that.

00:11:28.780 I would hope that you guys know each other's debt scenario because heaven forbid you get

00:11:32.980 into a situation and all of a sudden you're strapped with a hundred thousand dollars worth

00:11:36.840 of student loan and consumer debt that you weren't aware of.

00:11:39.540 Well, welcome to being a hundred thousand dollars poorer because that is now half yours.

00:11:45.960 So you should have these concerns, not because you're paranoid or not because you're talking

00:11:52.840 yourself out of it, but because you need to have the conversations.

00:11:56.760 And if they're concerns outside of the practical stuff like finances and they're chronic concerns,

00:12:02.720 meaning they habitually come up or they're reoccurring over and over again, there's some

00:12:07.480 deeper conversations that need to happen before you're considering proposing or getting married.

00:12:11.440 years ago, wait, this is before Ted talks.

00:12:16.780 Uh, Google used to have experts come on campus and they do these talks called Google talks.

00:12:22.280 And I don't remember the professor, but they had one particular Google talk and it was called

00:12:28.020 the paradox of choice.

00:12:30.800 And it was fascinating because the whole premise was that as we have more choices,

00:12:37.260 we will doubt the decisions that we make.

00:12:41.920 And, and I always think of it as like old school, you know, if you were back in the day,

00:12:47.100 you had a village and there's, you know, three or six ladies to choose from in the village. 1.00

00:12:54.720 When you chose which one to marry, it was obvious that you chose the best, right?

00:12:59.520 Because at a six, it's not too bad, right?

00:13:02.780 But the minute we, we move into the 21st century and online dating,

00:13:08.040 what's the probability that you married the best person really low.

00:13:15.700 In fact, the probability is that there's probably someone better out there than who you chose,

00:13:22.200 which people then will say, well, did I choose right?

00:13:26.300 And then it causes a disruption in their choice.

00:13:30.360 And, and the other premise of the Google talk that I find fascinating was that the mentality

00:13:36.640 and confidence that you have in the decision matters more than the facts of the decision itself.

00:13:45.400 And so just a thought, if you can find the ideal girl, but if you're second guessing it,

00:13:53.540 your second guessing will determine outcome more than her.

00:13:59.380 Self-fulfilling prophecy.

00:14:01.160 Exactly.

00:14:01.960 So yes, be realistic.

00:14:04.380 I love what we said earlier, kind of be a realist.

00:14:07.620 You're, you're marrying a human.

00:14:09.780 That's not perfect.

00:14:10.900 That's going to make mistakes.

00:14:13.080 Get clear on that now.

00:14:14.480 So then that way you're not disrupted with failed expectations, you know, in, in six months,

00:14:19.560 but also have a level of confidence that it's a great decision.

00:14:24.200 And if you don't mark my word, it will disrupt that decision.

00:14:29.420 And you will second guess whether you're making the right decision or not.

00:14:32.860 And, and I kind of like this about you, Ryan, because although you may not use that language,

00:14:37.860 I hear you say this all the time, kind of follow my gut.

00:14:42.000 I kind of follow my gut.

00:14:43.440 What is that?

00:14:44.160 That's confidence in the decision.

00:14:45.760 So call it what you want.

00:14:49.360 There needs to be some level of confidence.

00:14:50.900 So you can't, you can't be second guessing what you're doing.

00:14:53.620 That's not good either.

00:14:55.240 Yeah.

00:14:55.640 I guess when you make that decision, go all in, right.

00:14:58.080 But figure out, ask those powerful questions.

00:15:00.420 So I think this begs the question, what is it that you should be considering?

00:15:04.560 Yeah.

00:15:05.100 What is worth asking?

00:15:06.600 And we can answer some of that.

00:15:08.000 And we, and we do throughout the podcast every single week.

00:15:10.460 So you talked about the paradox of choice.

00:15:12.500 I think this is a, if this is not already coined, we're going to coin it right here.

00:15:16.320 This is the paradox of green grass.

00:15:19.000 Yeah.

00:15:19.600 So the paradox of green grass could be that oftentimes we have our yard and it looks kind

00:15:25.740 of dirty and it's, the grass is brown and it's got some weeds in it.

00:15:29.660 And we look over down the road and we see a beautiful lawn that's green and lush and not

00:15:35.660 patchy.

00:15:36.200 And we think, oh, that's better soil over there.

00:15:38.780 Like there must be something over there that's better.

00:15:42.460 The paradox is that that might be true.

00:15:46.620 The challenge is you haven't watered your own grass and put the nutrients and done the

00:15:51.260 aeration on your own grass to make sure that the issue isn't something that you can actually

00:15:56.280 fix where you are.

00:15:58.460 So, and well, there's also the idea of settling, right?

00:16:02.440 Am I settling or am I just thinking the grass is greener over there?

00:16:06.460 And that's a paradox that could be really, really difficult for guys to answer.

00:16:10.340 I would say if you ever feel like you're settling, my thought is go all in first.

00:16:18.160 Yeah.

00:16:18.800 Do all the work first.

00:16:20.960 Did I aerate the lawn?

00:16:22.480 Did I put the nutrients in?

00:16:24.140 Am I watering it correctly?

00:16:25.680 Am I trimming it right?

00:16:27.000 Am I pulling the weeds?

00:16:28.260 And if I'm doing all of that work and I'm still feeling like it's not getting greener,

00:16:34.160 okay, that's a greater sign than just saying, oh, yeah, see, this grass is lame.

00:16:39.100 It doesn't work or the dirt's bad.

00:16:41.780 I don't know.

00:16:42.440 This is tough, man.

00:16:43.720 That's why I like this question.

00:16:45.580 But yeah, ask some serious questions yourself.

00:16:47.380 Figure out if it's chronic.

00:16:48.900 Address the real issues.

00:16:50.440 Politics, future lifestyle, career pursuits.

00:16:54.580 Does she want to stay at home, finances, religion, kids, family planning? 0.99

00:17:01.100 Get through all that stuff.

00:17:02.660 Because the little things like, do you want your house decorated in blues or greens?

00:17:08.320 That stuff doesn't matter.

00:17:11.060 Whatever she says when it comes to house decorating is probably going to win.

00:17:14.320 But the point I'm making is that there's little things that you can figure out along the way

00:17:18.940 if you're compatible, but there's big things that compatibility is just, is never going to happen.

00:17:25.460 Yeah, absolutely.

00:17:27.600 Like it.

00:17:28.900 Good luck.

00:17:29.720 All right, let's go over to, oh, there was one more, I think, on Instagram,

00:17:33.240 or maybe a couple more over on Instagram.

00:17:34.860 Let me pull it up because it's in a different place.

00:17:37.240 Let's see here.

00:17:38.220 So this one comes, I'm not going to say who it comes from, but,

00:17:41.860 well, I'll say this one because I'm sure he would love the shout out.

00:17:46.660 This is the Father Forge.

00:17:48.080 He says, I'm looking to start my podcast.

00:17:50.820 What are the biggest mistakes that you made while starting out?

00:17:55.520 This is going to sound crazy.

00:17:57.160 I don't think I made any mistakes.

00:18:01.300 I really, and I know that sounds arrogant.

00:18:05.700 I'm not saying I can't do it better.

00:18:07.120 Sure, I can do it better.

00:18:08.000 I can always do it better.

00:18:09.580 But I don't think I made any mistakes.

00:18:12.340 The big things that would come to mind is inconsistency.

00:18:15.800 I've done, at this point, over 1,500 podcasts.

00:18:20.240 Haven't missed a single one in over 10 years.

00:18:22.720 So I've done that.

00:18:24.860 I did my own podcast editing until I was in the position where I could hire that out.

00:18:29.400 And somebody's been doing it.

00:18:30.660 Chad Robeson's been doing it now for years at this point.

00:18:34.040 And I feel like I timed that pretty well.

00:18:35.800 I've had a lot of guests on, some incredible, high-level, notable guests.

00:18:44.080 And I've had some guys just getting started, and I've had a lot in between.

00:18:47.140 I would say that make sure you get that ratio right.

00:18:53.440 You want to have notable guests, and you want to have other guests who haven't achieved that meteoric rise quite yet.

00:19:01.420 And I feel like we did that right.

00:19:04.280 My audio and technical stuff, I feel like I did right.

00:19:09.300 I feel like I did a lot right.

00:19:11.940 And minor things came up, but I can't even think what they are because we just pivoted quickly.

00:19:15.840 The one thing I would say to be aware of now is in this environment is that I think video is important.

00:19:24.960 And we do video, and we did video at just the right time.

00:19:28.080 And also moving towards in-person interviews, I think, is going to be more and more important as we progress as well.

00:19:34.680 Because the path of least resistance for anything is not usually, I think, the best option.

00:19:41.360 And I'm not saying we need to make it harder on ourselves, but if it's the path of least resistance, guess where the crowd's going to go?

00:19:48.520 They're all doing that.

00:19:49.340 That's where they're going to funnel. 0.90

00:19:51.180 And you need to be different.

00:19:53.500 You need to do it differently.

00:19:55.280 So if everybody's going left, you should go right.

00:19:58.360 If everybody's going up, maybe consider going down or under.

00:20:01.680 If everybody's doing virtual podcasts, maybe consider doing live.

00:20:05.020 If everybody's doing live in-person podcasts, maybe consider virtual.

00:20:07.920 The more that you can deviate from that intelligently, and that's a paradox too, though, because maybe the reason everybody's doing it one way is because that's the way that works, and they've already tried the other way. 0.61

00:20:19.380 So make sure you're not being stupid, but consider deviating from the crowd every once in a while.

00:20:26.820 Yeah, I've heard you say rigid, though, right? 0.99

00:20:29.620 So that's the other thing.

00:20:30.860 During your interviews, you used to script it too much to focus on questions versus just having an open conversation, and you, in particular, being more curious.

00:20:44.200 Thanks for pointing out my flaws.

00:20:45.720 I appreciate that.

00:20:46.580 Thank you for bringing me back down to reality a little bit.

00:20:49.140 You've mentioned this.

00:20:50.020 I'm just repeating what you've already said.

00:20:52.180 I was trying to sweep it under the rug, but you keep bringing it up.

00:20:55.240 I've made zero mistakes.

00:20:56.840 I'm perfect.

00:20:57.520 I'm perfect.

00:20:59.620 I actually don't think that was a mistake, though.

00:21:03.580 I mean, I did it different.

00:21:05.460 You know, I pivoted, but I didn't know any different.

00:21:09.120 So the mistake would have been not doing anything at all because I was worried about being perfect.

00:21:14.300 So, yes, I would not do that if I were to start a podcast now.

00:21:19.340 But also, if I were to start it, I have 10 years of experience doing it.

00:21:24.160 If I were to start a podcast without 10 years of experience, I might actually say, hey, make sure you come prepared with some questions because you don't want to get stuck and sound foolish.

00:21:35.740 So my advice to me would be different than my advice to somebody who's just starting out.

00:21:43.000 See, I cleaned it up, Kip, for you.

00:21:44.580 Yeah, I like that.

00:21:45.360 Still perfect.

00:21:47.100 Exactly.

00:21:48.020 Way to twist that.

00:21:48.700 My track record is still amazing.

00:21:50.120 Yeah, see, I'm good.

00:21:51.100 I've been doing this long enough.

00:21:52.220 I'm pretty good with my words, so bring it on.

00:21:54.560 Anything else you want to point out, Kip, about how I'm underperforming?

00:21:57.360 No, you're perfect.

00:21:58.320 You're fine.

00:21:58.940 No flaws.

00:22:01.140 But, you know, there is an interesting point in here, too, is my friend Pete Roberts with Origin calls them tuition payments. 1.00

00:22:10.080 And Dave Ramsey calls them stupid. 1.00

00:22:11.760 It calls it stupid tax. 1.00

00:22:13.780 And we try to avoid it. 1.00

00:22:16.280 Tuition payments, you try to avoid. 1.00

00:22:17.760 Stupid tax, you try to avoid. 1.00

00:22:19.000 But it's inevitable. 1.00

00:22:22.360 And so what I would suggest is rather than saying, oh, that was a mistake, is say, hey, that was an expensive lesson.

00:22:28.740 And that's what Pete would say.

00:22:29.840 That one was expensive.

00:22:31.760 But he learned a lesson, and he's not going to do it again.

00:22:34.520 And everything is good.

00:22:36.440 You mess up, you're like, I mean, we've done some.

00:22:38.980 We made a batch of shirts that looked just like another company, and I spent thousands of dollars on a batch of shirts that I thought looked really good.

00:22:45.960 And I got blasted.

00:22:47.440 This was like seven or eight years ago because this company had a very rabid, loyal following.

00:22:54.600 And I got blasted for days.

00:22:57.220 And I reached out to the company, and I said, hey, look, I'm sorry I messed.

00:23:01.220 And I did.

00:23:01.620 I'm like, I'm sorry I messed up.

00:23:03.600 And he wrote back, and he's like, hey, man, it's cool.

00:23:06.780 We've done dumb things, too.

00:23:08.480 Just don't sell the shirts.

00:23:09.720 And I had sold maybe five or so.

00:23:12.660 I said, okay, I sold like half a dozen.

00:23:14.500 He's like, cool, no problem.

00:23:15.580 Just don't sell anymore.

00:23:17.100 And the rest just became really expensive garage towels.

00:23:21.080 So it's just part of the game.

00:23:23.300 It is.

00:23:24.000 Yeah.

00:23:24.900 Yeah.

00:23:26.280 All right.

00:23:26.800 Do you have one more?

00:23:27.780 Do you have Mr. Anonymous?

00:23:29.360 Yeah, I've got one more, and I don't really know.

00:23:33.800 It's pretty broad.

00:23:36.540 It just says, what are you most curious about in your healing slash growth journey right now?

00:23:42.100 I don't know if he's alluding to anything in particular or specific, but I mean, I'm always curious.

00:23:49.600 I don't think there's anything in particular.

00:23:51.900 I am actually, one thing I am doing is going to get a DEXA scan tomorrow.

00:23:58.800 And are you familiar with that, Kip?

00:24:00.600 Yeah.

00:24:01.400 Yeah.

00:24:01.780 Yeah.

00:24:02.160 So if you guys don't know what that is, it's a full body scan.

00:24:05.820 And I'm not sure what type of technology it is.

00:24:08.280 I don't think it's x-ray, but I don't know.

00:24:09.760 But a full body scan, and it tells you what your body mass consists of.

00:24:15.460 So bone density, muscle mass, water weight, subcutaneous fat, visceral fat.

00:24:22.280 It just goes through all of it, and it tells you exactly where on your body all of this density or fat or whatever it might be is.

00:24:29.640 And that's going to be interesting.

00:24:31.420 I just got some blood work done about three or four weeks ago.

00:24:35.820 So it's interesting to see that and how my body responds to different things.

00:24:41.420 So I'm very interested in that.

00:24:42.800 So, yeah, I don't know if there's anything in particular or specific.

00:24:48.700 Do you have anything, Kip?

00:24:50.740 Not really.

00:24:51.560 I mean, I'm like you.

00:24:52.620 I'm always curious, right?

00:24:55.200 Like I guess maybe one thing like on my, what's the term you use?

00:25:00.340 Growth, my journey, my healing journey.

00:25:02.600 Growth and healing journey.

00:25:03.720 Yeah.

00:25:04.260 Yeah.

00:25:04.760 I mean, I find this fascinating.

00:25:06.660 This has been on my mind a little bit.

00:25:08.080 We were up at Idaho a couple weeks ago, swung into the church, and, you know, just kind of like a drop in to attend church on Sunday morning.

00:25:19.700 And the leader that was facilitating the meeting, he was joyous.

00:25:28.160 He was such a great guy.

00:25:33.500 And he had, I don't know, he just resonated with me.

00:25:36.800 I'm like, man, he's so joyful, at peace, and it was just great to talk with.

00:25:44.760 And it got me thinking, like, I'm wondering if that guy's life is perfect.

00:25:49.540 And my answer to that question in my own mind was probably not.

00:25:54.260 He's probably as difficult.

00:25:55.200 Yeah, of course.

00:25:55.380 He's kids and difficult marriage and stresses at work.

00:25:58.720 But yet, how was he able to show him so happy all the time?

00:26:04.400 And why do things trigger me so much, right?

00:26:07.240 And I let outside things affect how I show up at home or at work.

00:26:12.920 And reality, when I pause and have a little bit more of an eternal perspective, I realize, like, life is great, man.

00:26:20.500 And I shouldn't be as triggered or upset about things as much as I should be.

00:26:26.540 And so that's just been on my mind of late, of how do I do that?

00:26:30.680 And also, like, is my intensity around the way things are part of my superpower?

00:26:40.340 And do I want to let go of that, right?

00:26:42.160 Is that also what makes me who I am?

00:26:44.500 And I don't know.

00:26:45.500 I'm just curious around that.

00:26:49.180 Yeah.

00:26:50.460 Yeah, it is.

00:26:51.360 You know, not to be a downer, but sometimes I don't believe people like that.

00:26:57.580 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:58.780 You're like, oh, this guy's superficial.

00:27:00.840 Yeah, he's all pretending.

00:27:02.540 Yeah, totally.

00:27:03.520 I've done that, too.

00:27:04.260 And maybe it's just because I'm looking at it through my own lens.

00:27:06.700 But I was going to ask you this.

00:27:09.700 Would you like me to point out some things that you need to work on, Kip, like you did for me on the last question?

00:27:14.260 No, I'm perfect.

00:27:14.380 Because I can certainly tell you where you need to improve on your own journey.

00:27:17.780 Sure.

00:27:18.140 Blast me publicly.

00:27:22.800 All right.

00:27:23.640 That's all on Instagram.

00:27:24.860 Let's head over to the Iron Council.

00:27:27.260 Is that what we're going to do?

00:27:28.000 Yep.

00:27:28.340 Yes, sir.

00:27:28.680 You are perfect.

00:27:29.100 Yes, sir.

00:27:29.260 You are perfect.

00:27:29.800 You need to work on your humility.

00:27:32.900 Yeah, for sure. 0.65

00:27:34.080 I'm way too arrogant.

00:27:37.380 Okay.

00:27:38.080 By the way, I get that from you.

00:27:39.440 So I've gotten more cocky and arrogant as I've hung out with Mickler and Mr. Perfect.

00:27:43.860 Well, I have the heart of a teacher, so that makes sense that you would learn that from me.

00:27:47.580 All right.

00:27:50.080 Dustin Stokes, how do you handle times when you and your ex have substantial disagreements on activities your kids want to do that involve inherent risks, such as riding dirt bikes, horses, ATVs, and et cetera?

00:28:05.260 She's afraid of injury and death, and I understand that.

00:28:08.280 While I'm certainly concerned for safety, but as Jordan Peterson says, you have to let your kids do dangerous things carefully.

00:28:15.500 I teach them safety wisdom, precaution technique, and invest in safety gear and coaching, but at the end of the day, there's always risk.

00:28:23.800 The communication between us on this topic isn't great, and you find yourself at a stalemate.

00:28:31.000 Yeah.

00:28:32.360 I actually have not run into this exact scenario, but I do have some thoughts on this.

00:28:39.560 Number one, it's always about the kids in this circumstance, right?

00:28:43.340 So just keep the attention on the kids, and don't let any sort of vitriol or animosity, ego, yeah, get in the way, or even just some contention towards her get in the way of the actual relevant topic, and it is relevant.

00:28:59.800 And also, if you notice her letting that happen, set up a little boundary.

00:29:05.540 Like, hey, look, I know you're upset.

00:29:07.300 I know we haven't always seen eye to eye on this and other things, but this is important to me,

00:29:11.860 and so let's keep the conversation on what's best for the kids.

00:29:15.600 And as a man, you should be redirecting when those types of things happen.

00:29:19.500 So that would be first and foremost.

00:29:22.220 I would probably ask her some questions.

00:29:24.640 Like, hey, I know you're—validate it.

00:29:27.860 You can still validate it and be right, by the way.

00:29:31.000 So you might say, hey, look, I know you're concerned, and I know the reason you're concerned is because you love the kids as much as I do.

00:29:38.240 And I know that as a mother, your primary instinct is telling you nurture, protect, keep them safe, and I appreciate that about you.

00:29:47.840 Whoa, heaven forbid you say that about your ex, right?

00:29:50.220 I appreciate that about you.

00:29:52.560 But that said, my job is to help them learn how to face risks and take on new challenges and push themselves a little bit further.

00:30:04.020 So I'm trying to see both of our sides.

00:30:06.880 Is there anything I could do that would help you or put your mind at ease when it comes to the kids riding dirt bikes and side-by-sides and jet skis and all the things?

00:30:17.480 And she might say—this would be amazing if she did, and I'm not saying she will, but she might just say,

00:30:22.360 yeah, you know what, if you just make sure that they never get on the dirt bikes without their boots, chest protector, and helmet, and gloves, I'm going to feel a lot better about that.

00:30:32.260 Cool.

00:30:33.460 You're going to do that anyways.

00:30:35.220 So problem solved.

00:30:37.040 If you're at the lake and you just say, hey, can you just make sure the kids just always have their life vests on if they're playing in deep water or they're on their boat or whatever it may be?

00:30:47.980 Of course.

00:30:49.660 That's no issue.

00:30:50.700 You can definitely do that.

00:30:53.720 So I think that's what I would do.

00:30:56.260 Now, if she's still adamant about no, they're your kids too.

00:31:02.120 Yeah.

00:31:02.420 And barring something that's illegal or immoral or very, very dangerous that is likely going to put them in harm's way, you're their father.

00:31:11.600 You get to make those decisions, and she gets to learn how to deal with it because you two are divorced. 1.00

00:31:16.660 But here's what I would do.

00:31:18.000 I'm not trying to be so brash about this, but here's what I would do is I would just make sure that you keep informing her.

00:31:24.700 So if you're talking to your ex, and you might send her a text, and it says, hey, I know you're concerned about the weekend.

00:31:32.380 I just wanted to fill you in.

00:31:33.880 The kids are awesome.

00:31:35.060 They're having a great time.

00:31:36.660 Here's a picture of little Timmy on his dirt bike riding.

00:31:39.440 He's got all his gear on.

00:31:40.700 And just say, I'll keep you in the loop, but I just want you to know everybody's safe, happy, having fun.

00:31:45.780 Hope all's well.

00:31:47.220 Don't worry about that branch that has impelled his arm.

00:31:50.520 Yeah, that branch sticking out of his.

00:31:53.460 He'll be fine.

00:31:55.220 I had a crazy.

00:31:56.580 Okay, so the woman I'm dating is wanting to talk a little bit about lacrosse with one of her sons.

00:32:05.500 And we ran into an old friend of mine.

00:32:08.800 And I said, hey, how's it going?

00:32:10.580 When we were talking about lacrosse, and her and I are standing there talking with the guy.

00:32:13.760 And she says, how dangerous is it?

00:32:17.420 Lacrosse?

00:32:17.700 With the injury and everything.

00:32:18.900 Yeah.

00:32:19.300 Got it.

00:32:19.640 With injuries and everything.

00:32:20.680 Because this is on her mind.

00:32:21.600 And it's a good question.

00:32:23.340 Yeah.

00:32:23.540 And the guy, my friend, I'm like, you know, tell her how dangerous it is.

00:32:28.040 And it's not.

00:32:28.700 It's not a dangerous sport.

00:32:30.260 You're going to have some muscle tears and things like that, but you're not going to get hit in the head.

00:32:34.980 And that's what he says.

00:32:35.980 He's like, oh, the injuries are significantly less catastrophic than football.

00:32:40.540 You're not going to have the traumatic brain injury stuff.

00:32:42.780 And I'm like, cool, good answer.

00:32:44.600 And he says, oh, but you know what?

00:32:45.900 One time I did see a guy get impaled with a lacrosse stick.

00:32:49.880 I was like, dude, shh, don't.

00:32:54.800 And I'm like, thank you very much.

00:32:56.740 And she's like, are you serious?

00:32:58.040 And we had a good conversation, laugh about it.

00:33:00.300 But anyways, to go back to what we were talking about, just be respectful.

00:33:08.660 I mean, you can make an executive decision just as much as she's made executive decisions about things. 0.91

00:33:14.700 You're going to care about your kids.

00:33:16.060 Keep them safe.

00:33:16.640 Keep them protected.

00:33:17.400 Expose them to new things.

00:33:18.420 That's your job as their dad.

00:33:19.880 And be mindful of what she might be feeling, too.

00:33:22.320 I think you can do both.

00:33:23.780 Yeah.

00:33:24.400 Yeah.

00:33:24.780 I love it.

00:33:25.660 All right.

00:33:26.220 Mike Arndorfer, when do you know it's time to call it quits and move on?

00:33:33.260 Be it a relationship, a profession, an activity, or an objective?

00:33:39.520 Well, okay.

00:33:40.720 So first, I have to say this.

00:33:43.180 You have to be really, really honest with yourself.

00:33:45.720 Because it's very easy to deceive yourself because it's very easy to deceive yourself in moments like these.

00:33:48.940 And it doesn't matter if it's a relationship or a business venture or whatever it might be.

00:33:54.220 But number one, make sure you've tried everything.

00:34:00.680 Just make sure you've tried everything.

00:34:02.380 If you're in a relationship and you're thinking about calling it quits, I mean, if you've been dating for two weeks, no problem.

00:34:07.940 If you've been together for two years, I think you owe it to her and yourself to try everything you possibly can to make sure the relationship can work.

00:34:17.200 If it's a business, make sure you've tried it all.

00:34:20.180 Marketing, bringing and coaching, pouring a little money into it if that's what's needed.

00:34:24.340 Like, be smart.

00:34:25.680 But also, pour everything into it first.

00:34:29.240 Okay?

00:34:29.420 So that's number one.

00:34:30.160 And once you've done that, then I think you have to ask yourself, is this something I even am interested in anymore?

00:34:38.360 Am I even interested in pursuing this?

00:34:41.800 And if your interest level is zero or non-existent, then you should move on.

00:34:46.700 You should.

00:34:47.880 If you've tried everything and you're no longer interested in it, just quit, pivot, change, adjust, whatever you need to do.

00:34:54.140 The trick is that it's easy, you said it earlier, justification, it's easy for us to say, ah, my heart's just not in it anymore.

00:35:03.300 And it actually be that it's just harder now that you're getting some progress or moving through.

00:35:10.440 Stephen Pressfield, the art of, excuse me, the war of art calls it the resistance.

00:35:17.160 The resistance comes up in a myriad of different ways.

00:35:20.660 In relationships, it might be a disagreement about something trivial, and that's resistance.

00:35:28.840 In a business, it might be you lose a client, or you don't have a great month in sales, and that's resistance.

00:35:36.420 In your physical fitness, it might be that you have an injury, you're right on track, and you have an injury, and it pushes you back a couple of months.

00:35:43.760 In finances, you finally get out of debt, and the damn transmission on the vehicle goes out, and you have to pay five grand for a new transmission.

00:35:51.760 These are all, this is all resistance. 0.95

00:35:54.740 I believe that the most successful people aren't the ones who don't have resistance.

00:35:59.620 They're the ones who can, A, anticipate it, and B, overcome it.

00:36:03.360 So I don't look at resistance as an end-all, like this is over.

00:36:10.040 I look at it as a way to progress.

00:36:11.820 So if I get into a discussion with my girlfriend about something, and we disagree, and we have a rough night because of it,

00:36:19.120 I look at it and say, well, this is something that we could fix.

00:36:22.900 We're actually going to be better on the other side of this.

00:36:25.340 If, in the business, I lose a client, I'm like, great, now I have time to go pursue different clients that might be even better.

00:36:35.640 And it's not always easy, but if you can get through that resistance on the other side is some great things that will happen.

00:36:41.820 So just make sure you're not confusing, this is hard and challenging, and it's resistance, with, I don't want to do this anymore, I quit.

00:36:48.260 Yeah.

00:36:48.680 That's what I would say.

00:36:49.360 I think one thing, and you alluded to it, I just want to call it out, is the focus of results and growth, right?

00:36:57.660 Sometimes we have a tendency to quit and move on when the hyper-focused is on the results and not the lesson or the growth opportunity in the struggle.

00:37:08.340 And that's critical.

00:37:09.520 Why?

00:37:09.840 Because if you move on too quickly, did you learn?

00:37:13.460 Maybe you didn't.

00:37:14.860 So great, awesome.

00:37:15.840 Do a pivot until you reach that same roadblock again.

00:37:18.540 And then what are you going to do?

00:37:20.340 You still haven't learned the lesson.

00:37:22.980 And, you know, we've chatted about this concept for years now.

00:37:27.540 I think most people pivot prematurely early because they don't want to address the struggle.

00:37:38.080 And so a lot of us will move on relationships and jobs and other things, and we lose out on the chance of growth.

00:37:46.460 And that growth is still staring at you in the eye, whether you pivot or not.

00:37:50.400 It's still the roadblock that is probably preventing us from success.

00:37:54.540 So learn it now, learn it later, or never learn it and never achieve.

00:37:58.280 It's up to you.

00:37:59.580 But sooner or later, you've got to pay the price.

00:38:02.720 And I'm not saying don't look at outcomes.

00:38:04.860 It's just sometimes it's growth that we need to be hyper-vigilant and focused on as part of the process.

00:38:11.460 You know what this is akin to, Kip? 0.55

00:38:14.620 This is akin to being on a health journey and then jumping on a scale on Monday morning and realizing that after a really good long weekend, you gained three pounds instead of lost half a pound or stayed the same.

00:38:27.400 And then because – and I'm not talking about myself.

00:38:29.620 This is not a story about myself from this weekend.

00:38:32.440 It's not –

00:38:33.220 Not from Perfect Ryan.

00:38:35.480 Exactly.

00:38:37.700 And then you look at the scale and you're three pounds heavier after this good weekend.

00:38:42.660 And then you're like, yeah, see? 1.00

00:38:44.820 The health stuff's stupid. 1.00

00:38:46.000 It doesn't work. 1.00

00:38:46.740 I don't want to do this anymore.

00:38:48.260 It's like, no, just lock it back in this week and you'll be fine.

00:38:53.800 But most people never lock it back in.

00:38:55.620 They just bail.

00:38:56.960 Well, I mean, let's go back to the yard, right?

00:38:59.800 It's like, man, I got bad soil over here.

00:39:04.000 So I get the new yard.

00:39:05.240 It's green.

00:39:05.820 What happens in a month or two?

00:39:07.740 It goes bad.

00:39:08.900 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:09.100 You're like, oh, shit. 1.00

00:39:10.140 Soil's bad over here too. 1.00

00:39:12.880 Right?

00:39:13.280 And how many times have you heard someone complain about the soil constantly being bad?

00:39:18.140 Oh, man.

00:39:19.920 Bosses.

00:39:21.420 What's the common thread here?

00:39:24.400 Soil's bad everywhere you go.

00:39:27.300 Why?

00:39:27.980 Because I never addressed the fact that I ruined the lawn in the first place.

00:39:32.680 Yep.

00:39:35.920 All right.

00:39:37.440 I did look up Damien's last name.

00:39:41.800 Yaddo.

00:39:42.720 Damien Yaddo.

00:39:43.540 Yaddo.

00:39:44.420 Okay.

00:39:44.860 Okay.

00:39:45.260 How's it spelled?

00:39:47.500 Y-A-D-E-A-U. 1.00

00:39:51.980 Yaddo.

00:39:53.400 Yaddo.

00:39:53.780 Okay.

00:39:54.240 I like it.

00:39:54.680 Yeah.

00:39:55.120 Got it.

00:39:55.720 All right.

00:39:56.140 Question for when you've taken on a lot.

00:39:59.380 I've been feeling overwhelmed recently.

00:40:01.060 I run my own company, married.

00:40:02.860 I have a one-year-old.

00:40:04.080 I train jujitsu.

00:40:05.380 Brown belt.

00:40:06.060 Oos.

00:40:06.760 Yes.

00:40:07.520 Nice.

00:40:07.860 Recently got heavily involved in the family tree farm as the acting president in order

00:40:13.160 to halt a potential sell.

00:40:15.140 It's a lot.

00:40:15.820 My question is, when you're going through a busy season of life and you're stressed, how

00:40:20.920 do you stay on top of your four quadrants or alter your battle plan so it helps you versus

00:40:26.880 adds another layer of stress and to-dos?

00:40:29.500 Well, so this is why I do not like the term work-life balance.

00:40:37.420 I just, I think it's a horrible term and I think it conjures up images of things that cannot exist.

00:40:44.340 Meaning you are symmetrically, perfectly balanced between all aspects of your life.

00:40:49.620 I have not experienced that ever.

00:40:51.700 I'm 44 years old.

00:40:53.120 Never experienced that once in my life.

00:40:54.800 And I don't think if I live another 44 years, I ever will.

00:40:59.640 Balance is not some state to be achieved.

00:41:02.780 It's a verb.

00:41:04.180 You're balancing.

00:41:05.880 And so if you look at the four quadrants, imagine a vertical line and a horizontal line.

00:41:13.240 And I don't know the X, Y, which one is which.

00:41:18.000 It's been way too long since I've been in real math.

00:41:20.240 But you have a vertical and a horizontal, okay?

00:41:21.960 And at the vertical, the top of the vertical line, you have calibration, which is your mental,

00:41:32.320 emotional, and spiritual well-being.

00:41:34.380 On the line, the horizontal line on the right, you have connection.

00:41:39.740 So those are the relationships you have.

00:41:41.560 On the vertical line on the bottom, you have condition.

00:41:44.940 And on the horizontal line on the left, you have contribution, becoming a man of value work,

00:41:51.300 that sort of thing.

00:41:52.760 And you could only designate, let's say you only have 20 points that you can designate

00:42:00.140 towards each one of, towards these things.

00:42:02.520 And so some people might say, well, there's four quadrants.

00:42:06.960 So I'm going to dedicate five points to each.

00:42:12.400 Okay, well, that works.

00:42:14.140 And points are your amount of energy and effort towards the thing.

00:42:16.680 So that works out pretty good if everything's great.

00:42:18.540 But what happens when the family tree farm is potentially being sold?

00:42:24.040 Okay, you only have 20 points.

00:42:27.100 So you can put a little bit more towards that tree farm, but it has to come from somewhere.

00:42:32.080 Where does it come from?

00:42:34.100 I don't know.

00:42:35.000 You have to decide that for yourself.

00:42:37.000 Maybe, heaven forbid, this is blasphemy, but maybe the jiu-jitsu takes a sidestep for a minute

00:42:42.000 for a couple days a week until you get it figured out.

00:42:44.200 I know, Kip's mad.

00:42:45.460 Pick something else.

00:42:46.680 But you know what, though?

00:42:48.200 But this is a good point, though.

00:42:49.000 Twist the kids. 1.00

00:42:50.860 No, this is a good point, though, Kip. 0.82

00:42:52.880 And I know you're joking, but you're not wrong.

00:42:56.540 Everybody has to decide for themselves.

00:43:00.620 So for you, you might say, I'm not doing that.

00:43:03.760 Okay, you don't have to.

00:43:04.840 But it's got to come from somewhere.

00:43:06.560 So where's it going to come from?

00:43:08.020 What's less important than jiu-jitsu?

00:43:11.020 Everything, according to Kip, right?

00:43:13.160 So we know what he would do.

00:43:14.600 But what would you do?

00:43:15.680 That's the question.

00:43:16.980 What were you going to say?

00:43:18.260 Well, this is where people fail because they double down on, we've just got to work harder,

00:43:23.820 Ryan.

00:43:24.640 So they don't prioritize.

00:43:27.060 They just do more.

00:43:29.800 And it doesn't work.

00:43:31.140 Like, you have to get clear on what's going to give.

00:43:34.820 And that's what I'm picking up from what you're saying, Ryan, is you got to,

00:43:37.540 you got to identify what's the priority and what's going to pay the price.

00:43:41.880 Don't be naive and just go, well, just double down in that area.

00:43:45.880 Then you're going to be overrun.

00:43:47.720 And you're going to be frustrated because your expectation is, I'm going to do it all

00:43:51.500 versus you saying, hey, for a time season, I'm going to cut back in these areas and foster

00:43:57.980 more energy and attention in this particular space.

00:44:01.660 Well, yes, 100%.

00:44:03.660 And there's one more strategy I'm going to share with you.

00:44:05.900 And before I do, I want to mention that I've just pulled it up because this is important

00:44:09.420 that I get it right, is that the x-axis is our horizontal line.

00:44:17.700 The y-axis is our vertical line.

00:44:20.120 I needed to check that.

00:44:21.060 Got it.

00:44:21.500 Yeah.

00:44:22.060 So I can remember that.

00:44:23.020 Why?

00:44:23.400 Because the y-line, I can remember that. 1.00

00:44:24.800 So I got it now.

00:44:25.660 Y-axis is vertical.

00:44:26.980 All right.

00:44:27.180 The other thing that you can do here is, you know, you hear a lot of people talk about,

00:44:31.500 ah, there's no more time in the day.

00:44:33.640 And that technically is true.

00:44:36.200 We all have 24 hours, but there's a way that you can leverage it a little bit.

00:44:41.300 And that's by getting other people to do things.

00:44:44.400 And now if I have 24 hours, Kip, and you have 24 hours, and we're working towards the same

00:44:50.820 goal, then now we have 48 hours to dedicate towards the same goal.

00:44:55.020 So we just doubled the amount of time that we could put towards this.

00:44:59.240 And who's on, is this David?

00:45:00.920 Is that right?

00:45:02.160 Damien.

00:45:03.420 Damien.

00:45:04.140 Who's on Damien's team?

00:45:05.920 His wife, maybe some business partners, his training partners, other family members.

00:45:13.300 These people are all on Damien's team.

00:45:15.900 So it's entirely appropriate to go to your wife and say, hey, hon, look, the family tree

00:45:22.040 farm is struggling.

00:45:23.120 I need to step in for the next 90 days because we don't want to force sell this thing.

00:45:28.340 We want to get it up and running, bring in a good buyer and get a good price because it's

00:45:31.840 going to help the family.

00:45:33.280 But in order to do that, that means that I'm not going to be at home as quickly every night

00:45:39.340 at five o'clock.

00:45:40.280 I might be closer to seven.

00:45:42.600 It's going to be for 90 days.

00:45:44.260 Now, I don't need to do that every day of the week, but I'm going to need to do it at

00:45:47.200 least three days a week.

00:45:48.540 What do you think?

00:45:49.320 And she might say, yeah, do it.

00:45:51.180 I'll pick up the slack.

00:45:53.420 I'll make sure the kids are run here and there. 0.78

00:45:56.040 On Wednesday nights, I can't because I have this thing.

00:45:58.200 So you need to be on home on Wednesday.

00:45:59.900 But Tuesdays and Thursdays, yeah, that would work for the family.

00:46:03.180 She will step up that way if you communicate it.

00:46:06.180 If you go to your family and say, hey, look, family tree farm issue.

00:46:10.220 I can't do it all, but I can dedicate five hours a week to it.

00:46:13.600 I need everybody else to be in for five hours.

00:46:15.780 Are you in?

00:46:16.920 Hopefully some of them will say yes.

00:46:20.260 Leverage it by getting other people involved.

00:46:22.700 Great leaders don't do everything.

00:46:25.200 They make sure everything gets done.

00:46:27.500 And that's the distinction.

00:46:28.860 And that's how you leverage your time.

00:46:30.600 Your training partners, you might say, hey, guys, like I can't come in the evenings anymore

00:46:35.260 because I got this thing, but I can be there at 5 a.m.

00:46:38.140 And out of 10 training partners, maybe four of them are like, hey, you know what?

00:46:41.720 That actually works pretty well for me, too.

00:46:43.720 Let's do 5 a.m.

00:46:45.680 Come up with some creative solutions to leverage your time a little bit and see if you can get

00:46:49.040 other people involved.

00:46:50.560 Yeah, totally.

00:46:51.840 Well, and we've done that, right?

00:46:52.820 It's like I can't train the whole hour.

00:46:55.300 I got 30 minutes.

00:46:57.060 Intense roles.

00:46:57.940 Do you guys, you know, can we shark tank for 30?

00:47:01.100 And then I'll bell, right?

00:47:02.840 There's, yeah, it's a really good point.

00:47:04.460 It's a really good point.

00:47:05.240 Good job.

00:47:05.880 Good job, Brian.

00:47:06.780 I'm proud of you.

00:47:07.500 I mean, you don't need to say that.

00:47:08.820 I already know, so you don't need to, I don't need the validation, so I'm good.

00:47:13.300 All right, Chris the Dude Davis on Battle Team Eagle.

00:47:17.860 This month, the topic is how to live an intentional life you are proud of.

00:47:22.920 This was our first question this morning.

00:47:25.580 How do you think it is important to live an intentional life?

00:47:28.700 What are the pros and cons?

00:47:30.180 Do you think there are any?

00:47:34.520 I don't, okay, well, I'll start with the cons.

00:47:36.880 I don't think there's a downside to living an intentional life.

00:47:39.880 Let me say that.

00:47:41.420 But taken to the extreme, what it looks like is trying to control every aspect of your life,

00:47:47.840 and it's just not possible.

00:47:49.680 Yeah, you're only one variable.

00:47:52.000 Right.

00:47:52.760 So being intentional is not the issue.

00:47:55.600 Taking it too far, and now you're becoming, quote unquote, intentional about things that

00:48:00.280 you can't fix or change or tweak or adjust or control is just a recipe for disaster.

00:48:06.740 I think that's the biggest issue that people stumble into when it comes to living an intentional

00:48:11.480 life.

00:48:11.880 Like, for example, if I do my entire battle plan today, I have it all listed out here,

00:48:16.660 ready to go, battle plan's good.

00:48:18.260 And then I get a phone call and my son, knock on wood, has been in a car accident.

00:48:23.800 You know what?

00:48:25.220 This thing's done.

00:48:27.280 Intentionality out the window.

00:48:29.120 For sure.

00:48:29.920 And now my intentionality shifts to what?

00:48:31.980 My son.

00:48:33.260 Yep.

00:48:33.900 So let's not pretend like we're in control of our lives the way that we think we are,

00:48:39.760 because then it just is going to be really, really frustrating for you.

00:48:43.680 Um, but outside of that, I would say the best thing about intentionality is that you're going

00:48:50.060 to have better results.

00:48:52.680 If you want to lose weight and you know how to do it, which is to work out and eat cleaner,

00:48:58.600 then you can be really intentional about that.

00:49:01.240 And if you struggle throughout the week with overeating or not being able to eat when you're

00:49:07.460 in a like spur of the moment, you're like, God, I'll just run to McDonald's real quick

00:49:10.840 because I only have 10 minutes.

00:49:12.660 That's not intentionality because you know who is intentional in that situation?

00:49:17.020 McDonald's is really intentional about getting you to buy their hamburgers.

00:49:21.820 Yeah.

00:49:22.020 So if you're not intentional about the way that you live your life, other people are

00:49:26.320 going to be intentional about how they spend yours.

00:49:29.880 So control the controllables.

00:49:32.660 And in that situation I just gave you, if you know that throughout the week you have a

00:49:36.260 tendency of going through the drive-thru.

00:49:37.700 When I was doing financial planning, Burger King was right across the street from our

00:49:43.700 building.

00:49:45.380 I would eat so many double whoppers.

00:49:49.480 It was disgusting.

00:49:51.920 And back then they were 99 cents. 0.81

00:49:55.440 They are so delicious and so disgusting.

00:49:59.520 And that's what I would do. 0.80

00:50:01.120 And I would tell myself, well, you know, I've got another meeting.

00:50:03.760 I've got an appointment.

00:50:04.300 I got to run over there real quick because I've got another appointment.

00:50:06.080 I could have very easily made lunch before I came into work.

00:50:10.380 There was a refrigerator at the office.

00:50:12.920 I could have very easily did some meal prep and food planning on Sunday night.

00:50:16.140 I didn't do that because I wanted to eat Burger King.

00:50:21.160 So yeah, be intentional about all aspects of your life, but don't let it rule and create

00:50:26.840 some rigidity in your day and in your life.

00:50:30.280 Yeah.

00:50:31.020 Yeah.

00:50:31.280 You know, it's funny.

00:50:32.600 I was giving thought to this.

00:50:34.920 I think, well, you tell me if this is too much of a stretch.

00:50:38.500 I think there's an element of intentionality of, you know, being impulsive, right?

00:50:44.380 It's like, oh man, it's just easier.

00:50:45.920 I won't plan.

00:50:46.880 I'll just go to Burger King.

00:50:48.360 And then I think there's intentionality around all the things that we think we're being intentional

00:50:55.400 about, but we're really not.

00:50:58.140 And I was writing, I literally was writing this down yesterday.

00:51:03.000 I was having some thoughts.

00:51:04.340 And so if you don't mind, I pulled up my phone.

00:51:06.580 I'll just read this.

00:51:07.420 I wrote, every day we're faced with hundreds of micro decisions, what to say, how to act,

00:51:14.120 how to prioritize, but not all choices feel like choices.

00:51:18.940 Many of them are shaped by other things, such as other people's expectations, fear of judgment,

00:51:27.780 desire to please, obligation or duty, or desire to look good or the avoidance of looking bad.

00:51:34.060 And while some of these may seem necessary, living this way will slowly disconnect us from

00:51:39.760 our purpose, our authenticity, and a level of peace.

00:51:44.860 And I was just, and that's part of intentionality.

00:51:48.460 Me personally, I think that most people do what they do.

00:51:52.960 Why?

00:51:53.760 To keep the peace.

00:51:55.360 Because someone asked me to, but I don't think it's the right thing.

00:51:58.760 Or maybe I'm part of a religious church or a group.

00:52:04.120 Why?

00:52:05.320 Because I was raised that way.

00:52:08.820 I'm not making the choice for myself.

00:52:11.080 I'm just going along to get along.

00:52:13.680 And I'm being acted upon by everybody around me, by my spouse, by my boss, by my coworkers,

00:52:20.500 by social groups that I'm part of.

00:52:22.660 And I'm not really, truly choosing and being intentional around where I spend my time and

00:52:30.360 the decisions I'm making.

00:52:32.580 And so I know that's a little bit deeper version of this, but I don't know.

00:52:37.980 I feel like often we are acting out of obligation and not choice.

00:52:43.300 And until it's a choice, a conscious choice, I don't, I want to put it in the category of

00:52:49.720 living intentional.

00:52:52.660 I think that's well said.

00:52:55.800 I was also thinking, Kip, as you were talking about it, this idea, you mentioned the word

00:53:00.060 earlier, and we just said it again, is this rigidity that people, that men often have.

00:53:05.660 And what I found is that the men who are the most rigid are also the most brittle.

00:53:10.180 Isn't that interesting?

00:53:11.400 You think that being rigid is a strength, and it can be in the right set of circumstances,

00:53:16.880 but if too much is at force against that rigidity, you'll become brittle and shatter.

00:53:23.660 And the opposite is true.

00:53:24.280 And you'll be upset all the time.

00:53:25.840 All the time.

00:53:27.060 Yeah.

00:53:27.260 All the time.

00:53:28.700 I've told this story before.

00:53:30.700 When I moved to Maine, I put this big 25-foot flagpole in the ground, and I dug it, and I

00:53:36.340 poured the foundation, and I put the sleeve on there, and we were lifting the pole up as a

00:53:40.740 group of guys that came out for one of our events.

00:53:42.500 And I noticed this thing is made out of fiberglass.

00:53:45.420 It's really interesting.

00:53:46.700 And we put it up.

00:53:47.640 We erected the flagpole, and I would watch it every once in a while from the window in

00:53:52.640 big windstorms, because I was like, man, this thing's going to go.

00:53:56.100 Well, it's made out of a material that's designed to flex to a degree in the wind, and it has

00:54:02.340 to.

00:54:02.940 It has to flex, because if it doesn't, it's going to snap.

00:54:06.100 The wind will snap it.

00:54:06.980 And it was interesting to see this thing sway back and forth, back and forth, and then

00:54:13.120 always come back to center when the forces against it subsided.

00:54:17.980 And that should be you.

00:54:20.300 But the opposite is being too lackadaisical and just becoming flaccid.

00:54:28.620 And in that case, you put a flagpole up, and it's just going to wither and wilt onto the

00:54:33.920 ground because it's too soft.

00:54:35.800 So you have to find that right material, the right formula of rigidity versus flexibility.

00:54:45.180 And when you do, then you'll be able to...

00:54:47.200 I think about this in jiu-jitsu as well.

00:54:49.880 Like, you see new guys come in, and I was, and I'm sure you were like this too, Kip, is

00:54:55.260 like, just tense.

00:54:57.420 Everything is like so tense.

00:54:59.560 It's like tight and tense, and like, everything's like push, pull, fight, like, do everything

00:55:04.820 hard.

00:55:05.600 And then you see a guy like yourself and others who have been practicing for a long

00:55:09.340 time, and it's very fluid.

00:55:12.320 It's very fluid.

00:55:13.640 It's agile.

00:55:14.960 It's mobile.

00:55:15.920 It's responsive, but it's also reactionary.

00:55:18.660 It's thinking ahead, but planning for contingencies.

00:55:21.580 If they go here, you do this.

00:55:23.040 If they do that, you do that.

00:55:24.760 It's anticipatory, but it's also a willingness to just let it play out and happen, and then

00:55:31.340 adjust and pivot your game or your move based on it.

00:55:34.480 It's a really beautiful thing when you see it in jiu-jitsu, and it's a beautiful thing

00:55:38.120 when you see it in other aspects of life, and you see a man navigate his life that way.

00:55:42.280 Yeah.

00:55:42.760 You know, it's funny you bring up the flagpole.

00:55:44.400 I remember that.

00:55:45.800 I remember when we put that flagpole in, thinking, shouldn't this be like metal?

00:55:53.080 Because I thought the same thing.

00:55:54.840 I thought, this thing's going to bust, but it's wild.

00:55:58.280 Yeah.

00:55:58.760 Yeah.

00:55:59.540 Yeah.

00:56:00.440 Hmm.

00:56:00.960 It's a great example. 0.92

00:56:02.000 Crazy.

00:56:02.400 I'm sorry, Kip.

00:56:03.300 I overlooked that you were there, man.

00:56:04.640 It was, that was a cool, it was, I remember who else, like Bubba was there.

00:56:08.460 There was like five or six of us.

00:56:10.660 Yeah.

00:56:11.200 It was COVID.

00:56:12.460 It was amazing.

00:56:13.100 It was such a cool thing to do together.

00:56:15.600 Yeah, I think it was during COVID, wasn't it?

00:56:16.300 Oh, that's right.

00:56:17.060 We were going to do a big event, but we only ended up bringing like 10 guys.

00:56:21.580 Yeah.

00:56:21.680 I think Jordan might've been there too.

00:56:23.360 Was Jordan there or he may, either he's going to or he was there.

00:56:27.100 Yeah.

00:56:27.120 Jordan was there.

00:56:27.960 Yeah.

00:56:28.720 Yeah.

00:56:29.060 Yeah.

00:56:29.360 It was a, it was a good group.

00:56:31.460 Um, Ron, Ron Christopher, what advice would you, uh, would you have to someone who feels

00:56:38.020 like they've been living for other people for most of their life, only doing things that

00:56:43.720 would get approved from others versus doing things that are for me and bring me joy.

00:56:47.780 I find it hard to make that shift to a living for myself, not at the expense of others, but

00:56:53.800 simply having my own identity trying to do so makes me feel lost.

00:56:59.400 You know, the biggest challenge for men like Ron in this, in this aspect is that they can't 1.00

00:57:07.640 imagine having boundaries and communicating desires without coming across like an asshole. 1.00

00:57:14.680 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:16.900 And the fear of being perceived as the asshole so much that they just don't even touch it. 1.00

00:57:21.960 Yep. 1.00

00:57:22.500 Yeah.

00:57:22.740 This is what nice guys deal with all the time.

00:57:25.500 Like if I say no, if I put my own desires in the moment ahead of somebody else, then I'm 0.99

00:57:31.640 a jerk. 0.99

00:57:32.360 And that's what, that's what they think. 1.00

00:57:34.800 Like, and they don't want to be like that rightfully so, but the interesting thing is

00:57:39.340 that a guy like Ron with healthy boundaries, it's going to be really, really difficult for 0.99

00:57:44.500 somebody like that to be a jerk to somebody else. 0.99

00:57:47.540 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:48.620 You just, you just can't.

00:57:50.200 I don't think it's in your nature necessarily.

00:57:52.600 So what I would say from a real practical standpoint, and it's more practical for me to tell

00:57:59.160 you this.

00:57:59.600 It's more important for me to tell you the practical steps to implement than the high

00:58:03.940 level thinking.

00:58:04.460 Cause you already know why it's important.

00:58:05.980 I think most nice guys do, but what can you do in practicality?

00:58:09.800 The first thing that you need to do is today, write out everything that you want at a life.

00:58:18.200 You not like, I don't want you to qualify it.

00:58:20.940 I don't want you to check things off the list.

00:58:22.940 I don't want you to say if so-and-so approves.

00:58:25.020 No.

00:58:25.380 What do you want?

00:58:27.140 You want a bigger house?

00:58:28.100 Cool.

00:58:28.320 You want to live in this new place?

00:58:30.820 Cool.

00:58:31.400 You want to go see your kids play softball?

00:58:34.240 Cause they're great softball players.

00:58:35.400 His kids are amazing athletes.

00:58:37.480 And you want to travel the country with them as they go.

00:58:40.900 They're in college.

00:58:41.700 At least one of his daughters, I think is in college.

00:58:43.860 You want to go travel the country and watch her play?

00:58:46.000 Cool.

00:58:46.760 Like whatever you want to do, write it all down.

00:58:49.720 And then look at the list and you can see what is feasible.

00:58:54.940 You traveling around to go watch your daughter plays, probably not feasible for the entire season.

00:59:00.480 But could you catch regional games?

00:59:02.500 Maybe you could do that.

00:59:05.060 If you want to change the way the backyard looks, you could do that.

00:59:08.440 If you want a new car, you can do that.

00:59:10.980 And I'm not saying be wild, like be prudent still.

00:59:13.440 And I'm saying this to Ron because I know he is.

00:59:15.760 And then you're going to communicate that list to the people who will be impacted by it.

00:59:20.480 And you're not looking for permission.

00:59:21.660 You're just telling them.

00:59:22.540 So you're going to go to your wife and you're going to say, hey, hon, I've really been thinking about this.

00:59:28.120 In the springtime, I'd really like to go watch our daughter play softball in these five states.

00:59:37.180 And I just want to let you know I'm going to be doing that.

00:59:40.540 But I also want to coordinate with you because, A, I'd like you to come with me.

00:59:46.080 So we need to figure out how to make that work.

00:59:48.720 And, B, I want to see if there's any conflicts that we can work around so that I can make sure all the needs around here are being met.

00:59:54.880 But I'm still doing the thing I want to do.

00:59:56.200 You would be surprised how often when you assert yourself that way, people are like, oh, that's an awesome idea.

01:00:03.980 Yeah, let's do this, this, this, this, and this.

01:00:06.520 And now all of a sudden, you're enlisting people who care about you in your dreams and visions rather than just doing everything for them.

01:00:13.160 Those people who love you will do that.

01:00:16.440 They will absolutely do that.

01:00:18.240 But they don't know right now because you're not being vocal about it and you're being a whipping boy.

01:00:22.940 And I don't even think most of the time it's nefarious.

01:00:24.880 It's just who you are and they're used to it.

01:00:28.360 So show them a different way.

01:00:30.060 And then here's another really practical thing you can do.

01:00:33.420 Say no a dozen times today.

01:00:37.660 If a client calls, Ron's a financial advisor.

01:00:40.760 So if a client calls and says, hey, can I meet today at 6 p.m.?

01:00:43.560 And you're like, I have dinner with my family.

01:00:45.560 You say, no, not tonight.

01:00:48.680 We could do 7 a.m. tomorrow morning.

01:00:51.920 We could do 4 in the afternoon on Wednesday.

01:00:53.820 Or we could do Friday at noon.

01:00:55.880 Which of those works best for you?

01:00:58.200 Like, just no.

01:00:59.600 If your wife says, hey, on the way home from work, can you run this errand?

01:01:06.800 If you can't do it because you have a conflict, I'm sorry.

01:01:10.100 I can't.

01:01:10.540 No.

01:01:11.180 I can't do that.

01:01:11.840 What I will do is I'll do it tomorrow.

01:01:15.080 Or you can do it in a free moment and I'll do this.

01:01:19.580 The more that you learn to say no appropriately in a healthy way, the easier it becomes.

01:01:24.000 And the more you realize it's not the end of the world.

01:01:27.480 If your wife's like, hey, can you do this thing? 1.00

01:01:29.200 And you say, I can't tonight, but I can do it tomorrow.

01:01:31.920 She's probably gonna be like, oh, yeah, that makes sense.

01:01:33.760 Okay.

01:01:33.980 As long as you get it done tomorrow, I'm good with that.

01:01:36.500 Easy.

01:01:38.280 Easy.

01:01:39.200 But you have to do it to see it and experience it.

01:01:41.900 Yeah.

01:01:42.380 Do you think there's a level of weight that we put on people when we're not assertive with what we want?

01:01:49.000 I just, I'm thinking about past relationships where, you know, I was dating someone and it was just like everything had to be, like, it almost felt like I was making all the decisions on them.

01:02:02.160 And it was, it was a burden.

01:02:05.500 And so is there, I don't really understand burden.

01:02:09.020 Yeah.

01:02:09.440 Go ahead.

01:02:09.860 Sorry.

01:02:10.480 I don't really understand what you mean.

01:02:12.180 You were making all the decisions on them.

01:02:14.460 What do you mean by that?

01:02:15.600 Well, like, for instance, if, if I'm overly focused on appeasing you, Ryan, then everything I do goes through you.

01:02:25.980 Well, you know, based on what you want.

01:02:28.440 And eventually you are like, dude, just make a decision already.

01:02:31.380 Like, I don't want, there's, there's a, there's a burden we place on people when we're overly appeasing to them because everything is on them to make a decision versus us just being assertive and communicating what we want and, and going after those things.

01:02:49.480 I feel like most people that you interact with want to be considered, but they don't want to make the decisions.

01:02:58.880 Yeah.

01:02:59.020 So a small example of that might be with Farron is, hey, hon, how's your calendar look Friday?

01:03:07.680 I'd like you to take, take you out on Friday night.

01:03:10.300 And she's like, yeah, Friday night's clear.

01:03:12.340 Great.

01:03:12.740 Um, I'm going to take you to this amazing Thai food, uh, Thai, Thai restaurant, new Thai restaurant in town.

01:03:18.520 I'm going to take you.

01:03:19.400 Well, if she has like irritable bowel syndrome, then, you know, taking her to a spicy Thai food place probably isn't really considering the fact that she's not going to really enjoy that. 0.87

01:03:29.620 Neither are you later.

01:03:30.800 So maybe don't take her to the Thai food place. 0.98

01:03:34.440 But if you know, she really loves sushi, then what you should do is say, hey, hon, how's your, how's your schedule Friday?

01:03:41.620 And she says, yep, we're clear Friday.

01:03:42.900 Great.

01:03:43.600 There's a new Japanese restaurant in town.

01:03:45.580 I heard their sushi is amazing.

01:03:47.020 And I got us reservations at seven o'clock.

01:03:49.180 Be ready with that dress because we're going to have a good night.

01:03:52.780 You made the decision.

01:03:54.400 She didn't have to do anything.

01:03:55.180 You made the decision, but you considered her and she knows you considered her.

01:04:00.460 So I think that's what people want.

01:04:01.940 They want to be considered in the process or in the, in the thought process, in the plans, but they just want you as a man to make the decision.

01:04:09.020 And that's awesome.

01:04:10.540 And here's why it's awesome.

01:04:11.780 Because you get to do the things that you want to do.

01:04:15.280 You get to go decide where you go to eat and you get to decide what activities.

01:04:20.440 And then also you have to consider that people are adults.

01:04:24.020 So if you said, hey, hon, I got us a place of the Japanese, the sushi place.

01:04:29.700 And she's like, I heard that place is gross. 0.99

01:04:31.680 I don't want to go there.

01:04:32.840 Oh, that's okay.

01:04:33.440 There's another one that I heard was really good.

01:04:35.040 What about this one?

01:04:36.900 You have to assume that people are adults and they'll make decisions and they can use their words to tell you no or something different if that doesn't work for them.

01:04:47.640 Yeah.

01:04:48.340 Yeah.

01:04:49.700 Chris Gifford.

01:04:50.820 Third, a lot of people who run solo business, businesses dream about building a team, but that transition is a whole journey in itself.

01:04:58.600 It's usually involves a big shift, both in how you think and how you lead.

01:05:03.080 Question.

01:05:03.560 What was the breaking point or breakthrough moment that made you realize you couldn't keep doing it all yourself?

01:05:10.280 And how do you decide who to bring on first?

01:05:14.600 Well, the shift for me was more along the lines of I didn't want to do it myself.

01:05:21.180 Not that I couldn't.

01:05:22.720 So I talked about it earlier.

01:05:24.180 I don't want to do this anymore.

01:05:25.500 Yeah.

01:05:26.140 Yeah.

01:05:26.500 Podcast editing.

01:05:28.400 I wasn't like, oh, man, I just really can't handle this anymore.

01:05:31.140 I was like, I do not want to do this.

01:05:32.540 I hate this.

01:05:34.680 But it needs to get done.

01:05:35.940 So I'm going to bring somebody in.

01:05:37.880 Yeah.

01:05:38.240 And so most of my decisions about bringing people in have been that.

01:05:42.120 Another factor would be I don't know how to do this and I'm not good at this.

01:05:46.280 So I'm going to bring somebody.

01:05:47.180 Events is a great example.

01:05:49.060 So we brought in Chris Gatchko to be our event planner.

01:05:52.060 He's got tons of experience in logistics and running big conferences.

01:05:56.460 So to answer the second part of that question, he was a good fit because he's got the experience

01:06:01.900 to do it.

01:06:02.320 And he's part of our organization as a member, which means that he believes in and buys into

01:06:08.260 what we're doing.

01:06:09.580 So whenever I need something, I usually turn to the Iron Council first.

01:06:14.560 So Chris Gatchko, Kip, you and doing this podcast together is an example of how that happened.

01:06:20.260 Chad Robeson, who does our podcast editing, he's an Iron Council guy.

01:06:24.640 Josh Wellman does our marketing, branding, and newsletter.

01:06:30.240 He's an Iron Council guy.

01:06:32.040 Like I always turn to the Iron Council first for solutions because I know those people believe

01:06:38.200 in what we do.

01:06:39.520 Yeah.

01:06:40.180 So much so that they pay me to be part of it.

01:06:44.080 And that's a big factor for me.

01:06:47.940 But yeah, I think the biggest thing is twofold.

01:06:50.820 I didn't want to do it or I couldn't do it as good.

01:06:54.100 And then I've always had this mindset of, well, I don't know if it's always, but I have this

01:06:59.800 mindset that it's better with other people.

01:07:06.880 Kip, doing this podcast with you is better.

01:07:09.100 It's a better product, but it's also more fun for me.

01:07:12.600 Yeah, totally.

01:07:13.640 Doing events and having Chris be part of it, not only is the event better because he knows

01:07:18.100 things that I don't, it's just more fun to do it together.

01:07:22.280 And then to bring, and even Kip to see what you're doing now with your leadership development

01:07:27.560 stuff, you're running events and you're having workshops and you're doing courses and you're

01:07:32.480 doing coaching.

01:07:33.100 And I'm not going to say that it's a direct result of what we're doing, but I'm pretty

01:07:39.280 well certain that it's, it was an influential part of the process.

01:07:43.360 And it's, it's given you a platform to test things, to say different things, to try things,

01:07:52.360 to get your voice.

01:07:53.580 And now you're in the place where you, you can go do that.

01:07:56.100 And to me, when I see you do that, like I see you succeed in those areas, I, I'm flattered.

01:08:03.780 I'm happy.

01:08:04.440 I'm excited because I know that we were a small part of it.

01:08:08.200 And that is meaningful to me.

01:08:10.020 That's significant to me.

01:08:12.480 Yeah, totally.

01:08:13.560 You know, when I read this question from Chris, you know, I, I went to like my first employee,

01:08:19.640 you know what I mean?

01:08:20.240 And, and I think that's kind of the spirit of his questions, like the first time, you

01:08:24.760 know, and yeah, and it is a big shift because you're like, all right, this, I'm going to

01:08:28.500 convince someone that they should quit their job and put their, their livelihood on my payroll.

01:08:39.020 That's a scary moment.

01:08:40.520 That's a shift.

01:08:41.380 I remember that shift and made me really nervous.

01:08:43.820 And so I, I, I get that Chris, like that's a big pivot for me.

01:08:49.380 That breakthrough was, I can only go as far as I can go on my own.

01:08:55.040 And, and I'm shooting myself in the foot here by my lack of taking a risk of enlisting someone

01:09:02.160 else.

01:09:02.960 And, and you use this term, you know, hiring guys from the iron council.

01:09:06.880 Why?

01:09:07.460 Cause they're enlisted.

01:09:09.120 They're enrolled in regards to what you're doing.

01:09:12.080 And so I, I would echo that same thing.

01:09:14.660 They got to believe in what you're doing.

01:09:16.460 And then the other thing is, I think that first, like one or two employees, they got

01:09:21.740 to be scrappy.

01:09:24.080 Like they, they got to like do sales, some operational stuff.

01:09:29.780 Like they, they got to be totally like, they just got to be hustling and scrappy because

01:09:36.820 the probability is you don't have a full seat in the bus for them yet.

01:09:42.080 You have five seats for them, but you don't have the money for all five seats to be filled.

01:09:47.360 And you need someone that's just going to be willing.

01:09:49.980 They're enlisted.

01:09:51.240 They're, they're aligned around the cause of what you're wanting to achieve.

01:09:55.620 And they're willing to jump between seats to make it work.

01:09:58.840 Just almost like a mini version of a business owner.

01:10:01.780 I think that first employee kind of has to have that mentality.

01:10:04.680 I like that word, just scrappy.

01:10:08.320 That's such a good descriptor for what you're talking about.

01:10:10.820 Cause that's what you need.

01:10:11.740 You need guys who are just going to get in a fight and get it done.

01:10:14.140 You need like, like the Nate Diaz is of, of entrepreneurship.

01:10:18.800 Yeah, sure.

01:10:19.480 I'll fight. 1.00

01:10:20.040 He's going to get punched in the face. 1.00

01:10:20.900 One week notice. 0.98

01:10:22.160 And he's going to get beat up, but then he's going to win and he's going to flip people

01:10:25.620 off as he's doing it.

01:10:27.120 That's what you need.

01:10:28.920 That's just like what you need, man.

01:10:32.660 You know, there's another, there's another cool thing that I like too.

01:10:35.700 And this goes back to this.

01:10:37.080 I wouldn't say it's altruistic necessarily, but there is a thing about just wanting to

01:10:41.580 see other people win.

01:10:43.260 I, I, man, it is so rewarding.

01:10:45.480 An example, we've talked about Chad a couple of times in this podcast who will, who will

01:10:49.640 listen to this and edit this podcast.

01:10:52.500 When, when we initially started working together, he was doing other work.

01:10:57.800 This was not his job.

01:10:59.480 He wanted to get into this and he may have had a client or two.

01:11:03.200 And, and I said, yeah, I'll, I'll have you do it.

01:11:05.560 Was he the most qualified at the time?

01:11:07.420 No, probably not, but he knew enough and the cost was fair and reasonable.

01:11:12.700 So it made sense to hire him to do it.

01:11:15.400 But I will never forget the day that he messaged me and said, Hey man, I just put in my two weeks

01:11:21.760 at work.

01:11:23.020 Josh Wellman did the same thing.

01:11:24.400 And part of the reason is because I gave him a job and I introduced Chad to half a dozen

01:11:30.460 other people that are now clients of his.

01:11:33.400 I helped him on that journey.

01:11:35.100 I love it.

01:11:36.120 Man, that feels so good.

01:11:37.920 Yeah.

01:11:38.320 Just to know that Chad and Josh and other people are succeeding and you got to be part of their

01:11:44.260 story.

01:11:44.900 Like that just feels, unless you've experienced it, it's really hard to articulate how good

01:11:51.920 that feels when you know somebody's winning.

01:11:56.420 That's, that's what it's all about.

01:11:57.860 That's the point.

01:11:58.520 I mean, it aligns perfectly with our mission.

01:12:00.260 Yeah, totally.

01:12:03.000 I mean, it's the, it's the joy of the, of the leadership.

01:12:06.160 It's the joy of the coach, right?

01:12:08.220 And seeing your team win, you know, and it's about their development.

01:12:12.080 It's not, you know, it transcends us.

01:12:15.340 Yeah, definitely.

01:12:16.860 And you're served in the meantime too, right?

01:12:18.640 Cause you get the services and everything else that you need.

01:12:20.900 So, yeah.

01:12:21.260 Yeah, absolutely.

01:12:22.200 You have time for one more?

01:12:23.840 Let's do one more and then we got to call it, call it today.

01:12:26.100 Okay.

01:12:27.440 Jim L'Oreal, I've gone through two breakups since March.

01:12:32.080 Actually, since 2023, my romantic relationships seem to follow the same pattern.

01:12:37.340 I attract a woman, but after a few months, things start to fizzle out.

01:12:41.600 They start getting snippy and disrespectful, almost as if they're testing me and then they

01:12:47.160 eventually lose interest.

01:12:48.940 I know part of the problem is handling those situations too passively.

01:12:52.080 What are your thoughts on that and any other thoughts on making relationships last long

01:12:57.900 term?

01:12:59.160 I think he answered the question.

01:13:00.500 I didn't catch that second part when I first read it, read it, but he said he's been too

01:13:03.760 passive.

01:13:04.660 That's probably what she's doing.

01:13:06.240 She probably is testing.

01:13:07.660 The first, and maybe even subconsciously.

01:13:09.660 I don't think there's like an exam, you know, a written exam that she's administering that

01:13:14.880 she got from some like dating coach or something.

01:13:17.160 Scoring you.

01:13:17.540 Yeah, yeah.

01:13:17.860 Right, but I think subconsciously this is what a lot of women do, probably most, because 1.00

01:13:25.400 they want to know, like, is this a guy who's going to hold his own?

01:13:29.020 And what's interesting is you said two to three months.

01:13:32.260 Two to three months is the fun part.

01:13:35.440 And then it gets real.

01:13:36.600 It's like, oh, this is a person that I'd actually like to spend more time with.

01:13:40.240 This is a person that I'm thinking about now as a long-term partner.

01:13:43.380 This is a person who maybe at some point I'll ask for her hand in marriage and she's thinking

01:13:49.040 the same thing about you.

01:13:50.940 So it gets more serious.

01:13:52.800 It's not as lighthearted anymore as it's not just fun.

01:13:56.340 It's fun, but it's also thinking about the long-term relationship.

01:13:59.980 So yeah, she probably is at that point a lot more serious.

01:14:03.920 I don't know about snippy or whatever terms you used, but she's probably a lot more serious

01:14:11.020 about you after a couple of months because things are getting more serious.

01:14:17.660 And you said it yourself, you handle it too passively.

01:14:23.320 That's your answer.

01:14:25.220 Be careful of being so passive that she just thinks you're going to get railroaded by her

01:14:30.180 or other people all the time because that's not attractive to women. 1.00

01:14:33.920 Instead, assert yourself, learn to assert yourself, read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

01:14:39.740 That's a really good book that will help on some of this stuff.

01:14:44.000 The Assertiveness Workbook is another resource that I've often recommended and gone through

01:14:48.200 myself to make sure that I'm being assertive in communication.

01:14:50.960 Having boundaries, setting boundaries, talking about hard things.

01:14:57.800 If you notice what a lot of guys will do, and I've done this too, is they'll notice red flags

01:15:03.280 or certain issues in the relationship and they'll just never bring it up because it's awkward

01:15:07.680 or uncomfortable.

01:15:08.320 Like, bring it up in a tactful, respectful way, but bring it up and be curious.

01:15:17.660 Whenever you bring things up, just be curious.

01:15:20.120 Like, hey, I noticed that you get agitated when this happens.

01:15:25.540 Why does that get under your skin?

01:15:28.180 Why does that bother you?

01:15:29.400 I'm really curious.

01:15:30.060 I want to know so I'm better equipped to be able to have a better relationship together.

01:15:33.740 Like, or I noticed that when I do this thing or say this thing, you seem to be upset about

01:15:39.220 that, but I'm not sure where the disconnect is, but I would really like to know because

01:15:43.360 maybe there's a solution that we can come up with that makes us both happy.

01:15:48.140 Have these types of conversations.

01:15:50.240 When she does get quote unquote snippy with you, you don't need to react to that.

01:15:55.640 Now, you might say, hey, hon, let's take a pause for a second because we're having this,

01:16:00.920 I think it's a good discussion, but I feel you getting more and more agitated and I'm

01:16:06.060 not sure why that's the case.

01:16:07.920 It feels like you're mad at me or you're upset with me or something.

01:16:10.820 I just, we need to clarify.

01:16:13.160 And the tone of the conversation typically changes when you do things like that.

01:16:17.180 You're not accusing, you're just being curious.

01:16:20.040 And then she's going to think to herself, even subconsciously, oh, this is a guy who's

01:16:26.440 unintimidated by me.

01:16:28.040 This is a guy who can say things respectfully, but has boundaries.

01:16:33.220 And if he has them with me, he probably has them with other people.

01:16:36.060 And I feel safer because of it.

01:16:40.420 Yeah.

01:16:41.740 Yeah.

01:16:42.700 I can't help but assume that if any of these three relationships kept going, he would just

01:16:51.340 be in a relationship with them, whether he was really into the relationship or not.

01:16:55.720 Oh, he'd probably be miserable.

01:16:57.580 And so she would.

01:16:59.220 Yeah.

01:16:59.480 So then I'm kind of like, so what are you doing?

01:17:01.700 Right.

01:17:01.920 Like all these, all three of these ladies were awesome or were they just convenient and you 1.00

01:17:08.920 were letting them dictate the outcome of the relationship.

01:17:12.220 Right.

01:17:12.580 And I think it, it, there's a little bit of a theme to this call.

01:17:15.660 Surprisingly, that never happens when you do AMAs, but, but this just choose them.

01:17:23.580 Like you choose the relationship.

01:17:25.140 Is, is it going well?

01:17:26.540 Is it what you want?

01:17:27.480 Is it not what you want?

01:17:28.540 What is it that you're looking for?

01:17:29.960 And, and, and just be assertive in that relationship and be very clear what it is that you're looking

01:17:37.920 for and, and kind of show up in a way that they want to come along with you, not you going

01:17:45.340 along with them because there's some weight to that.

01:17:49.000 They, they don't want to have to take care of you, you know, and there's not safety to

01:17:54.300 your point.

01:17:54.740 So I don't know.

01:17:55.940 It's interesting.

01:17:57.060 I don't know.

01:17:57.740 None of that's true.

01:17:58.700 I don't know if that's true for you, Jim, but just something to consider that would you

01:18:02.440 be in those relationships?

01:18:04.520 You, the only reason why you're not in the relationships because they ended it and you

01:18:07.820 would have been going along to get along this whole time.

01:18:12.060 You know, it's, it's, um, I'm interested in what you said because we often hear the analogy

01:18:17.500 of the tugboat versus the lighthouse and the tugboat will go down, both serve the same purpose

01:18:23.260 to safely navigate ships across the shoreline and the tugboat will go down and get slammed

01:18:29.080 by the waves and beat up by the waves and they're pushing and they're pulling and manipulating

01:18:31.980 the ships in order to get them where they want to go.

01:18:34.380 And a lighthouse does the same thing, warns of coastline and directs traffic and flow and

01:18:39.340 everything else. 0.99

01:18:39.880 But the shit, the lighthouse stands firm, right? 1.00

01:18:43.580 Stands firm. 1.00

01:18:44.380 This is the, the lighthouse is not going to move.

01:18:46.880 Yeah.

01:18:47.280 But sometimes you, no analogy is perfect, but let's flesh this out just a little bit

01:18:52.480 because sometimes you hear the argument that, well, in a relationship you have to give, be

01:18:57.040 willing to give a little bit.

01:18:58.780 And so does a lighthouse do that?

01:19:00.440 I would say a lighthouse could, let's say, for example, um, a lighthouse can never come

01:19:07.040 down from their post necessarily, but could they change the bulb?

01:19:11.040 And, and they're, and they're, and they're light.

01:19:14.800 Sure.

01:19:15.100 Maybe it's something that bright is brighter.

01:19:16.760 Maybe it's dimmer.

01:19:17.420 Maybe it's, it spins faster.

01:19:19.720 Could they paint the tower to be red instead of blue?

01:19:23.400 Sure.

01:19:23.840 Like there's things that you can do, but you don't leave your post.

01:19:27.640 And I think in a relationship, what that looks like is learning how to communicate more

01:19:32.020 effectively.

01:19:32.680 You're still communicating your needs, wants, and desires, but you're doing it in a way that

01:19:36.640 resonates and lands with her.

01:19:37.960 That's giving.

01:19:39.240 Yeah.

01:19:39.300 Um, making small sacrifices or, um, uh, compromises in order to let her know that she's important

01:19:48.940 and you care about her and you want her in your life.

01:19:51.040 Like there's things that you can do without leaving your post as a lighthouse and you should

01:19:54.800 be doing those things.

01:19:55.700 Well, and, and, and it's interesting because it's, it's, we want to honor choice.

01:20:00.820 I think it's the mindset by which we do the compromise or we make the adjustment, right?

01:20:06.200 So if, if I make an adjustment in the relationship, but it's with resentment, that's not a choice.

01:20:15.840 That's me being passive.

01:20:17.100 But if I can go, Hey, you know, I'm willing to do that and, and I'm going to make a conscious

01:20:23.280 choice to, to give in this area because it's important to me, then that's different than

01:20:27.940 me just doing it because I'm trying to mitigate her upset.

01:20:31.720 And then I'm going to hold it against her and have some resentment because I compromised.

01:20:36.100 Those are two drastic different things.

01:20:38.100 One's intentional.

01:20:38.860 The other one's just being passive and, and be kind of being blown around.

01:20:43.260 Yeah.

01:20:44.060 Yep.

01:20:44.500 I agree.

01:20:45.160 I hope that helps.

01:20:46.320 It's a tough one, but I would say, as you were saying earlier, you're becoming the common

01:20:51.080 denominator in these relationships.

01:20:52.980 So let's figure that out.

01:20:54.960 Yeah.

01:20:55.340 And figure it out so you can learn and so you can screw it up and have a good relationship

01:20:59.000 to, and, and maybe screw it up in the next couple of relationships until you get it right.

01:21:02.680 It's like, that's, that's part of the path, right?

01:21:04.840 To, to have greener grass.

01:21:06.340 So yeah, for sure.

01:21:08.020 Okay.

01:21:08.220 So we talked, let's wrap it up.

01:21:09.660 Yeah.

01:21:10.080 We talked about socials, obviously to K to stay connected with Ryan on X and Instagram.

01:21:15.460 That's at Ryan Mickler.

01:21:17.220 The other thing is just a call out, visit order man.com for a order man swag, but also to

01:21:23.220 sign up for the newsletter that keeps you in contact with the upcoming events and other

01:21:28.760 things that we have going on in both the iron council as well as just order man as a whole.

01:21:35.120 Yeah, that's a great place.

01:21:36.460 Also, we've, I've been working hard on our divorce, not death course.

01:21:40.020 So if you're in the midst of a divorce and you're trying to get through that divorce,

01:21:45.460 navigate the financial ramifications, co-parenting, single fatherhood, maybe even at some point

01:21:49.980 dating again, divorce, not death.com will take you to the waiting line.

01:21:55.960 So you'll be the first to be notified when that thing opens up, which should be in the

01:22:00.180 next 45 days, 30 to 45 days.

01:22:03.340 I'm very, very excited about this one.

01:22:04.960 It's really going to be helpful for a lot of guys.

01:22:06.920 And the content is amazing.

01:22:09.880 It is amazing.

01:22:10.700 And we're bringing other people in as well.

01:22:12.060 So it should be good.

01:22:12.600 Divorce, not death.com.

01:22:14.560 Kip, I appreciate you, man.

01:22:15.660 Great work today.

01:22:16.380 And guys, you guys had some great questions as always.

01:22:18.640 Hopefully we gave you some things to consider.

01:22:21.260 I will be back on Friday for your Friday field notes.

01:22:24.980 Until then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:22:28.620 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:22:35.780 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:22:39.820 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - August 06, 2025

The Paradox of Choice, When to Call it Quits, and Living the Intentional Life ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Order of Man - August 06, 2025

The Paradox of Choice, When to Call it Quits, and Living the Intentional&#xA0;Life ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

The Paradox of Choice, When to Call it Quits, and Living the Intentional Life ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING