Order of Man - The Path to Emotional Sovereignty

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:17.020 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.720 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is

00:00:26.980 Ryan Mickler. I'm your host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here to

00:00:32.580 the end of 2022. Can you believe it? This has been a wild year, a successful year, a challenging year

00:00:39.060 for me personally, and I'm sure you guys feel very much the same way. Lots of ups, lots of downs,

00:00:43.920 lots of victories, lots of setbacks, and everything in between. I hope you're doing okay. That's

00:00:49.760 important to me. I want to make sure I give you everything that I possibly can to thrive and to

00:00:55.980 succeed and to win because I know how many men are struggling. I know society isn't collectively

00:01:01.580 doing us any favors, which is okay. We can handle it, but sometimes life is tough and my goal here

00:01:09.700 is to give you everything I possibly can. That's really the subject of today's conversation

00:01:14.900 is emotional sovereignty. We're going to talk about how to have control of your emotions. We're going to

00:01:21.100 talk about why that's important. We're going to talk about ways to do that because look,

00:01:24.840 as I said, life is challenging. Life is difficult. And if we can't be in control of our emotions,

00:01:31.700 what can we be in control of? There's so much outside of our control and the way that we feel

00:01:37.820 and being in control of those things is entirely within our control. So we'll get to that in just a

00:01:44.560 minute. Before we get into the show, want to let you know that number one, the Iron Council is open,

00:01:50.140 guys. We've got a brotherhood of over 1,200 men now who are all banded together, working together,

00:01:56.780 helping each other out, serving each other, having deep and meaningful conversations,

00:02:01.980 giving each other the tools and the frameworks and the resources and guidance and direction and

00:02:06.180 accountability they need to thrive in their lives. So we're open for another roughly seven or eight

00:02:12.180 days. So if you had to order a man.com slash iron council, order a man.com slash iron council,

00:02:17.720 you can learn more and you can band with us and you can join us inside of the iron council.

00:02:22.500 So guys, let's talk about emotional sovereignty. Now, the reason I'm talking about this is this is

00:02:27.300 actually something that I've been working on. And if we break this down, first and foremost,

00:02:32.820 I want to say that men have emotions. We are emotional creatures. All right. I know everybody

00:02:37.320 says, you know, men aren't supposed to be emotional. We're not to express our emotions and this sort of

00:02:41.260 thing. That's not correct. That's not accurate. We are indeed supposed to be emotional. We are indeed

00:02:48.020 supposed to have feelings. We do have feelings. And the more we attempt to suppress these things

00:02:53.040 and hide them and force them down, never to be seen or heard from again, the more damage we do to

00:02:58.360 ourselves internally. And then eventually it seeps out and it impacts our external lives. So since we have

00:03:06.020 them, since they're there for a reason, we can talk about how to manage these things.

00:03:10.080 Sovereignty. Let's talk about that word. I wrote a book in 2017 called Sovereignty,

00:03:15.000 the battle for the hearts and minds of men. And in it, I talk a lot about financial sovereignty

00:03:19.320 and having control over your thoughts and having control over and autonomy over your own life.

00:03:25.640 But I don't think I really hit on the emotional sovereignty that much, meaning that you own or

00:03:31.660 you, the root word of sovereignty is to reign. You reign over your emotions. You are responsible and

00:03:39.220 you are in charge of your emotions. And more specifically, I would say your emotional

00:03:43.080 response. Sometimes we feel the way that we feel and that's it. But the way that we respond

00:03:50.140 is certainly within our control. So maybe this would have been more aptly titled emotional response

00:03:55.620 sovereignty, but that doesn't sound as good as emotional sovereignty. So the goal of this conversation

00:04:00.580 is to help you reign over your emotions, to be a king, to be a ruler, to have authority

00:04:05.500 over the way you feel about things. And then in turn, the way you act. Now, what I want to say

00:04:11.540 is that this is not about getting in touch with your feminine side. This is not about tapping into

00:04:19.560 any of that, you know, quote unquote, feminine energy. All right. We're not supposed to have a feminine

00:04:25.740 side. We're men for a reason. Now, usually when people say that they're saying your feminine side

00:04:31.960 is your emotional side. That isn't true because what that leads us to believe is that being emotional

00:04:37.200 is a feminine characteristic. It isn't. Okay. Responding emotionally may be more apt or appropriately

00:04:44.780 at describing women generally. And that's, that's fine. I think women generally are more empathetic.

00:04:51.020 They're more kind. They're more compassionate. They're more nurturing. They're more caring

00:04:56.120 typically. And, and so that's, that's how feminine deals with her emotions, the way that we deal with

00:05:03.000 it, or at least I think we ought to be working towards is taking the factors, the feedback of

00:05:08.660 emotions, and then applying it logically in our life to improve our lives and our environment around

00:05:14.440 us. So it's, this is not about getting in touch with your feminine side and it's not about crying at

00:05:18.640 every little thing. That's again, that's a response to your emotions. That's not what I'm addressing

00:05:22.400 here. I'm talking about reigning over being in control of your emotions. And here's what I want

00:05:27.840 you to imagine for a second. Imagine that you're in tune with your emotions, that you know what you're

00:05:36.560 feeling and experiencing emotionally in any given moment, that you know, when you're getting angry,

00:05:42.080 that you know, when you're sad, that you know, when you're happy, that you know, when somebody is

00:05:46.860 taking advantage of you or that you're going through a difficult situation, that that external

00:05:54.460 set of circumstances is not dictating every control or every facet of your life. And that you can be

00:06:02.100 strong and you can be bold and you can be courageous and you can be resilient in the face of somebody

00:06:08.220 taking advantage of you or somebody deliberately trying to hurt you or losing a job or dealing with

00:06:15.580 the death of a loved one or dealing with a challenging situation with one of your children.

00:06:20.500 Imagine how liberating that is, that you're no longer dictating your life and your decisions based

00:06:27.300 solely on your emotions, but you're just using it as a variable, as a piece of the puzzle so that you

00:06:33.340 could make good decisions that are going to lead yourself and other people forward. Imagine that for a

00:06:38.460 second. How incredible would that feel? Imagine not being happy or mad just because somebody else

00:06:45.080 is a certain way or did or didn't do something to you or didn't did or didn't do something the way

00:06:51.520 that you thought they should have. Imagine what kind of freedom that represents. That's what we're

00:06:58.020 going to talk about. Let's talk about five keys to recapturing and regaining your emotional

00:07:03.100 sovereignty. Number one, you have to realize that you are an incredible human being filled with

00:07:12.680 worth, inherent worth, because you're a human. Not because you did or didn't do something, but because

00:07:20.620 you're a human. In fact, you are divine just by your very essence. Now, granted, there's some things

00:07:28.800 that you can do that I think will turn you into a value add, an asset rather than a liability to

00:07:36.080 your family and your friends and your community and the people around you, but you are inherently

00:07:40.020 valuable. And it's important to understand our divine nature because our divine nature is not

00:07:47.100 flippant. Our divine nature doesn't change. God doesn't change the way that he feels about you based on

00:07:54.860 what you did or didn't do. I mean, too many of us allow other people who, with all due respect,

00:08:04.440 because we are too, are vain and fickle and emotional and lazy and greedy. Other people are those. We are

00:08:17.240 those things. And if we're allowing human beings and we know how fragile we are, we're allowing other

00:08:24.680 humans to dictate how we feel. What a horrible way of going through life. And I'm not saying that I

00:08:33.220 have this all figured out. I don't. This is why I'm talking about it. In fact, guys, I'll let you in

00:08:39.500 on a little secret. When I do these Friday field notes and when I do Facebook and Instagram posts and

00:08:44.200 all this sort of thing, it's a journal for me. I'm talking to myself. I need these lessons more than

00:08:49.720 anybody else. So this is a reminder for me, but I don't want to feel good or bad based on how my wife

00:08:55.680 might be feeling that day. I don't want to feel good or bad about myself based on what my children

00:09:01.700 are going through. I don't want to feel good or bad based on how my performance at work is or based

00:09:08.340 on what my boss thinks of me or based on what complete strangers on the internet think of me.

00:09:13.040 I don't want to live my life like that. I want to feel good. I want to be in charge of my emotions

00:09:19.400 and the way I feel about myself, regardless of these external circumstances. And the first way we

00:09:23.940 do that, it is realizing that there is an objective standard of your level of worth as a divine son of

00:09:32.000 God. How incredible is it to know that you aren't worth less or more based on what some other random

00:09:40.960 person thinks of you, but that you are worth everything to our creator. That's the foundation.

00:09:50.340 It's unmovable, immovable, I should say, unwavering. And that should fill you with hope and confidence.

00:09:57.760 Number two, you have to realize that you are responsible for your own emotions. It's not your

00:10:04.920 wife's job to make you happy. Because if she can make you happy, she can make you miserable too.

00:10:12.020 It goes both ways. So if you're one of these guys who believes, well, it's my wife, you know,

00:10:16.720 she should focus on making me happy all the time. Switch happy with miserable. Would you consider it

00:10:23.300 your wife's job to make you miserable? No, of course not. But if you think it's her job to make you happy,

00:10:28.940 then equally you think it's her job to make you miserable. Because we experience all kinds of

00:10:34.660 emotions. And if you're giving somebody else autonomy, control, sovereignty over the way that

00:10:42.780 you feel, then it's all the emotions, not just cherry picked ones like, oh, well, it's her job

00:10:47.780 to make me happy. It's my boss's job to make sure I'm fulfilled at work. It's my kid's job to make sure

00:10:53.040 that I feel wanted and needed as a dad. It's not. It's not. You're responsible for your own emotions.

00:11:01.040 If you're not happy, it's because you are not happy. If you're mad, it's because you are mad.

00:11:08.980 Nobody made you mad. Your kids didn't make you mad today when they were teasing each other and being

00:11:16.540 loud or they broke something at the house. They didn't make you mad. You got mad.

00:11:22.640 Now, they were behaving a certain way and your response was to be angry, but that's your decision.

00:11:29.220 That's the locus of control that you have over yourself.

00:11:34.700 If you think, oh, that person may be mad. That person offended me. No, they didn't offend you.

00:11:41.420 You took offense. That was within your control. You decided to be offended. And this is prevalent

00:11:48.040 in society today, right? Everybody's like what Stanford just came out with their list of a hundred

00:11:53.740 words or 10,000 words or whatever it was that they could say or couldn't say. One of the words I saw

00:11:58.940 was brave. You can't use brave because it's cultural appropriation from native Americans. I don't even

00:12:04.460 think I can say native Americans, indigenous people. Heaven forbid you call a man, he and a woman,

00:12:11.020 a she without assuming they aren't the other. Like everybody wants to be offended about everything.

00:12:19.180 And yet I cannot, it is not within my control to offend you. I don't have that power. I would,

00:12:28.520 I don't want to give people that power over me. You have to choose to be offended. You know how many

00:12:36.080 times people have said things to me that were insulting or they tried for it to be insulting.

00:12:41.540 And I just decided that I wasn't going to be insulted. Now, granted, I'm not above being

00:12:46.540 offended, but, but I recognize where it comes from. And that's me. I'm the one who has to take it.

00:12:52.400 Nobody can give it to me. Same thing with our emotions. Nobody can make you happy. Nobody can

00:12:57.100 make you mad. Nobody can make you glad. Nobody can make you sad. You realize that. And you realize

00:13:01.100 that every emotion you experience is an emotion that you have control over. Then you begin to

00:13:06.580 regain sovereignty. Well, Ryan, you don't understand. You know, my wife is this and that and this.

00:13:11.860 Well, she might be this and that and this, but I know plenty of other men who have wives that are

00:13:18.380 this and that and this, and they're responding to it differently than you are. So what's the problem

00:13:25.420 really? Well, it's you. It's me. It's us individually deciding how we're going to respond

00:13:31.120 to situations. We cannot give people power to affect us like that. Well, you know, I'm just

00:13:40.180 really happy today because my wife decided to have sex with me. Oh my gosh. Like that's what makes you

00:13:45.540 happy. I mean, granted. Yeah. Happy. Sure. But that's what your life hinges upon whether or not she has

00:13:53.400 sex with you. Well, I got a promotion today at work. So, you know, awesome. And you should feel

00:14:00.240 glad about that, but it wasn't your boss that provided that for you. You know what it was? Your

00:14:05.160 hard work, your dedication, your commitment, your level of mastery, your ability to be competent in a

00:14:14.540 specific set of skills. And yes, your boss acknowledged it, but if that's all it takes to get you off

00:14:22.160 emotionally, then what happens if he's having a bad day and he decides to yell at you? Now, do you

00:14:29.880 have a bad day? Well, yeah. If your life revolves around what he thinks of you, that's going to be a

00:14:38.360 problem. Now, look, I'm not saying that we shouldn't take into consideration the way people, certain people

00:14:44.160 feel about us. I think it's important that we work towards helping our wives feel good about who we are

00:14:51.120 as men. That's going to help us lead better. And it's also going to let us know that we're on the

00:14:54.960 right path to serving her well. Same thing goes for a boss or a client or a child. The way they feel

00:15:02.180 about you is important. So I'm not saying it's not. I'm just saying we need to exercise a little level

00:15:06.680 of discernment there. But ultimately, you are responsible for your own emotions and start acting

00:15:11.200 like it. And don't say, hey, you made me mad today. No, they didn't make you mad. You decided to be mad

00:15:16.960 because they said something you didn't like. It triggered you. We're going to get to that in a

00:15:20.700 minute. The next you need to know is that confidence is earned. Confidence is earned.

00:15:27.500 I've said this a million times. Confidence is earned. If you see somebody who's confident,

00:15:33.860 not to be confused with arrogance or pride or excessive pride or ego, but if you see someone

00:15:39.860 who is confident, it's because they've done something in their life. They've done something

00:15:45.340 valuable. They've done something meaningful. They're working towards a powerful purpose-driven

00:15:51.240 pursuit and objective and they've accomplished it or they're on that path. That's what gives you

00:15:56.720 confidence. Anything else is manufactured. Arrogance is manufactured. It's a veil. It's to hide your

00:16:09.920 insecurity. That's what arrogance is. Well, I'm going to be this way. I'm going to be loud and

00:16:14.800 bolsterous and rambunctious and obnoxious so that other people think that I'm confident.

00:16:20.860 Well, really what you're doing is you're trying to hide because you're not confident. You're the

00:16:25.840 opposite of confidence. You're insecure. And we all know people like that. They're the loudest,

00:16:33.280 most obnoxious people you'd meet. Why are they like that? Because they're trying to hide

00:16:36.860 behind their humor or behind their volume or behind their obnoxious behavior or behind their

00:16:45.240 worldly treasures and pursuits. They're hiding, but they know how they feel because when they lay down

00:16:54.720 at night, they're not thinking about their fancy cars. They're not thinking about all the money in

00:17:01.780 their bank account. They're not thinking about the amount of followers they have on Instagram.

00:17:09.060 They're thinking about themselves and usually their own inadequacies and their own insecurities.

00:17:16.020 And that's hard. I've been there. I am. Every day I think about that. Where do I fall short? Where

00:17:22.280 am I struggling? Where do I not live up to my ideal? Every day I think about that, but I am confident.

00:17:29.300 I'm a confident podcaster. Why? Because we've done almost a thousand podcasts now.

00:17:35.740 I know how to hold a conversation with a powerful guest because I've done it a lot of times.

00:17:42.920 I'm confident in my ability to grow a business because I've grown multiple businesses that are

00:17:47.620 successful. I'm confident in my ability as a father because I'm a good father. And I try to engage

00:17:56.300 with my kids and I try to teach them lessons and I care about them and I work actively work on being

00:18:01.100 better at fatherhood. So I'm proud of that. And so I'm confident in it. If you want to have control

00:18:07.900 over the way that you feel, and you don't want to feel depressed and you don't want to feel sad and

00:18:11.340 you don't want to feel down and you don't want to feel sorrow, then get up, get out of bed,

00:18:16.860 find something meaningful to point yourself at, and then go to work on getting there,

00:18:23.940 on making yourself capable of achieving that thing. All right. Next is we have to begin to

00:18:31.580 objectify our emotions. This one is really difficult. And in a lot of ways, objectify the

00:18:39.160 circumstances we find ourselves in. What does it mean to objectify? Really has a negative connotation,

00:18:45.320 right? We usually, when we hear it, we think objectifying women. So if we were to take that,

00:18:50.920 it's if you're objectifying a woman, you're basically stripping her of her humanity and

00:18:58.300 you're reducing her down to an inanimate object. That's what it means to objectify. It's like,

00:19:05.240 it has no feelings. It has no relevance. It has no inherent worth. I'm just basing it,

00:19:12.480 stripping it down to its base level. Is it useful for me? So that's the negative connotation. For

00:19:18.840 example, when it comes to objectifying women, not a lovely behavior, right? But when it comes to our

00:19:24.980 emotions, we should do that because we too often give too much weight to the way that we feel about

00:19:31.080 things. For example, this morning, my alarm went off. It goes off at 630 every morning.

00:19:38.620 Goes off at 630. Wake up. I'm like, oh, I don't feel like going to the gym. Well, guess what?

00:19:46.660 The way I feel about it doesn't matter. That's what I mean that we need to objectify our emotions.

00:19:53.980 I feel lazy. I don't want to go to the gym. Am I lazy? No, but I feel like being lazy. Well,

00:20:00.360 guess what? I'm going to objectify my emotion, strip it down to its base level, most irrelevant

00:20:07.560 degree that it can be stripped down to and get my belt up and go into the gym, which is exactly what I

00:20:14.100 did. When we're angry, you've got to look at it a little bit different. You've got to look at it

00:20:21.260 objectively. You don't need to personalize it. Don't need to put this big story behind it. Don't

00:20:27.660 need to attach it to other experiences that we've had in life. I'm angry. Okay. Why are you angry?

00:20:34.400 Well, I'm angry because X, Y, and Z. And this is how you begin to objectify your emotions. You start

00:20:43.300 to uncover them. You got to explore them. You got to spend time thinking about it. If you're upset with

00:20:49.640 something, I was upset the other day. This is silly. This is ridiculous, but I'll give you an

00:20:54.920 example of what I'm talking about. My wife and I were having a conversation and it wasn't a deep

00:20:59.860 conversation. I can't even remember what we were talking about. We're having a conversation

00:21:03.720 and my oldest son walks into the kitchen and my wife turns from me. And I think she tickled my

00:21:11.960 oldest son or gave him a hug or did something and it triggered me. And so I just walked out of the

00:21:22.920 room, but I kind of marched out of the room. And then later I started to evaluate why I did this.

00:21:30.340 And I told her I was sorry that I just marched out of the room. She said, yeah, what's like,

00:21:33.340 are you mad? And the answer was, I was mad, but I wasn't mad. I spent some time thinking about it.

00:21:39.800 I was hurt. Well, what a silly thing. I was hurt because our oldest son walked into the kitchen

00:21:44.640 and she gave him a hug or tickled it or whatever. I get up, whatever she did. That's what I was hurt

00:21:49.080 by guys. This is how stupid it is. This is how ridiculous we are. So I got out my journal and I

00:21:55.580 started writing this down. You know what? When she, when her and I were talking and she went and

00:22:00.760 gave my son a hug, I felt rejected. What a ridiculous thing that you all hearing it are like,

00:22:06.840 that's ridiculous, Ryan. How weak and fragile are you? Yeah. Well, welcome to the club because

00:22:13.400 we all do it. And sometime, most of the time we don't even know why. And so we'll march out of the

00:22:19.740 room and we'll pout, we'll stomp our feet or we'll yell at our wife or we'll, or we'll do something

00:22:26.180 stupid to get back at her. It's like, because you feel rejected. Why? Because you were having a

00:22:34.600 conversation and she turned away for a minute. Like that's ridiculous. But guys, you need to

00:22:39.120 really spend some time with the way that you feel about things and journaling over the past,

00:22:43.700 I would say two to three weeks has been a very powerful exercise for me because now I can

00:22:48.220 objectively look at the scenario. And I realized as I'm talking with you and as I was journaling,

00:22:53.600 how ridiculous that scenario sounds. But in the moment, it doesn't feel ridiculous. Like I actually

00:22:59.540 felt hurt. Like I really was feeling that way. And now if I document this and I objectively take a

00:23:09.940 look at why I'm feeling the way that I feel and now, okay, well, I know I feel rejected. Well,

00:23:14.160 why do I feel rejected? Well, because she turned her attention away from you and you felt less

00:23:18.420 important. Well, why did, where did that come from? You know, did that come from an issue when you

00:23:22.480 were a child? Did that come from a rejection of another woman that like, where did that actually come

00:23:28.140 from? Because the more that we know where it comes from and we get to the root of the issue,

00:23:32.980 this is where the deep work comes in. This is how you really regain that sovereignty over your emotions.

00:23:37.700 You understand why you're being so emotional and you all are just like I am. Now we get to the root

00:23:43.480 of it. We're like, oh, okay. Well, yeah, I feel rejected because when I was a kid, you know,

00:23:49.280 women didn't ever pay attention to me because I was, you know, 50 pounds overweight. Okay.

00:23:54.480 Well, now we're getting somewhere. So you feel rejected by women or, or maybe, uh, for those of

00:24:02.000 you who have been in multiple marriages, maybe your, your second wife does something and it makes

00:24:08.880 you, it just pisses you off. Like to no end, just absolutely pisses you off. And you don't know why,

00:24:16.100 how many of you even spend time thinking about it? You probably don't, but let's say you do this time.

00:24:20.360 You're like, okay, I'm pissed. She said this thing and I'm pissed about it. And then you spend some

00:24:26.520 time journaling and you write down the scenario and then you do the deep work of figuring out what

00:24:30.620 it actually is making you feel. Maybe it's making you feel lonely or making you feel stupid, uh, or

00:24:35.860 making you feel rejected. And then you start thinking about where that comes from. And maybe you figure out

00:24:41.300 that your first wife did the exact same thing. And you correlated that with the demise of your

00:24:50.320 marriage. That, that could actually be what's happening. You could correlate something she does

00:24:58.240 or says on a regular basis with the downfall or just destruction or demise of your relationship.

00:25:03.460 And now your new wife is doing that. And you're feeling emotional because you're still emotionally hurt

00:25:08.200 from this previous relationship, this previous woman, you never got it resolved.

00:25:14.380 And what's going to end up happening is self-fulfilling prophecy. You're going to blow it up.

00:25:18.180 You're going to mess it up. I say you, you could swap that out with me. I,

00:25:23.680 cause I do the same thing. I'm going to mess it up. I'm going to blow it up. We do this

00:25:27.780 and we don't even know why we do it. You got to uncover, you got to do deep work and it's important

00:25:34.040 you do. And it's very hard. It's very difficult to do. It's going to be emotional. It's going to

00:25:40.140 be challenging. It's going to drum up bad experiences and past trauma. It's not fun,

00:25:45.460 but if you want to reign over, like I was saying, reign over your emotions,

00:25:50.260 then this is the work that you have to do. And the last point. So let me hit that on the first

00:25:55.240 four and then I'll hit the last. The last, the first four are number one, you know, your worth,

00:25:59.540 your divine, your divine human being, just because you are period. You are number two,

00:26:07.300 you are responsible for your emotions. No one else. Number three, your confidence is earned.

00:26:11.000 And number four, begin to objectify those emotions and do the deep work of figuring out where they

00:26:15.420 come from. Uh, number four, that was number five is physical health, right? There's physical reasons

00:26:22.640 why being strong, being healthy, being in shape, staying hydrated, getting sleep. There are physical

00:26:29.260 scientifically proven reasons why this is going to help you be less emotional. I'm talking about

00:26:38.000 strength, building muscle. I'm talking about getting the appropriate amount of sleep. Some

00:26:43.860 of you probably balked when you said, I wake up at six 30. Yeah, I'm not a four 30 guy. I'm a six 30

00:26:48.920 guy. And I like to get seven, eight hours of sleep just about every night, seven to eight hours of

00:26:57.140 sleep. Cause it's important to me. Body composition, fat, muscle, bone density, water. What does that

00:27:04.060 look like? Is it appropriate? Cardio, stamina, nutrition, fuel you're putting into your body,

00:27:11.040 physical reasons, scientifically proven reasons why this is going to help you feel better. First,

00:27:16.160 we have endorphins. This is the, that they're all connected. These are hormones that are released

00:27:21.920 when you're in shape, when you're exercising. Also, when you're having sex, doing physical

00:27:28.880 activities, doing things that are good for you. Endorphins are released into the reward center

00:27:34.160 of your brain to tell you, this is a good thing. You should be doing this. Dopamine is also released

00:27:42.620 saying you should do this again. You know how you went to the gym this morning and you got up and it

00:27:48.560 sucked, but you went and it kind of hurt and you're a little sore now, but for some reason, you oddly,

00:27:53.520 strangely feel really good. That's chemicals in your body saying, do that more. I like that.

00:28:00.300 I like when I go to the gym. I like when we have sex with a woman that we love. Like I like that.

00:28:06.240 Let's do that again sometime in the very near future. That's your body's way of saying, do that.

00:28:13.860 Keep, keep doing that. It's good for you. It's healthy. So it releases to the reward centers of

00:28:20.440 our brain. And then it does a few things. Dopamine and these endorphins, these other hormones that are

00:28:27.120 released, help you battle depression. People who are healthier, physically healthier, have less

00:28:33.700 depression because those endorphins and dopamine help battle depression. They also help you deal

00:28:40.500 appropriately with stress and anxiety. So if you're stressed out and you're anxious and you go to the

00:28:45.840 gym, why do you feel better? Because of the chemicals that are released in your body through those

00:28:50.780 activities are actually physically making you feel better. So it helps you with depression. It helps you

00:28:57.060 deal with stress and anxiety. And also it does another thing. It improves your self image. So that goes

00:29:05.520 back to worth, it improves scientifically proven that it improves the way that you feel about yourself.

00:29:16.480 Right? How many times have you, I know I've done this. I'll go to the gym and I get done with my

00:29:23.200 workout. And I'm like, you know, I look in the mirror, turn sideways, getting rid of the gut,

00:29:28.020 or I'm looking at my arms. I look a little bigger, you know, maybe I got a little pump on,

00:29:32.340 but in reality, I probably look the same way I did before, but I feel better, right? Like I feel

00:29:37.460 better about myself. I'm like, Oh yeah, I look pretty good. Do I look any different than I did

00:29:43.240 an hour earlier? Probably not a whole lot different other than my hair is a little messed up and

00:29:47.440 disheveled and maybe I'm a little sweatier, but I probably really don't look all that much different,

00:29:52.340 but I look in the mirror and I think I am because my mind's telling me, Hey, you're awesome.

00:29:57.880 Um, congratulations. You did that workout. You should feel pretty damn good about yourself.

00:30:03.240 That's not hyperbole. I'm not making that up. That's scientifically proven.

00:30:08.860 Guys, this is how we become the master of our emotions.

00:30:13.480 This is how we avoid being tossed to and fro emotionally based on

00:30:17.660 the environment we find ourselves in or the way somebody else is feeling.

00:30:22.380 You know, somebody else's, I don't want to feel down if somebody else is down.

00:30:26.720 I don't want to feel, I don't want my day to be ruined because somebody said something mean to me.

00:30:30.920 And yet all of us, that happens to all of us. So we can learn to overcome it by these five steps

00:30:36.900 and more. This is not an exhaustive list, but I really want you to regain your emotional sovereignty.

00:30:42.660 And I'll tell you why, because it's manly. It's manly.

00:30:46.140 And there's a difference between masculine and manly, but manliness is your ability to harness

00:30:53.020 masculine characteristics for productive outcomes. And those masculine characteristics

00:30:59.040 are biologically constructed. They're not societally constructed. They're biologically

00:31:04.280 constructed. Emotions are a biological construct. So there's nothing we can do to feel or not feel

00:31:13.900 or be emotional. We are biologically emotional, but what we can do if we're to be like men is to

00:31:21.500 learn how to harness our biological makeup for productive outcomes, which means that if we harness

00:31:27.520 our emotions, we're going to make better decisions. We're going to serve better. We're going to become

00:31:33.060 an asset rather than a liability. And we're going to feel better about ourselves and people will have

00:31:38.560 less control over us. External circumstances will have less control over us. We'll make clearer,

00:31:48.140 more sound, more rational decisions. We'll work harder. We'll be better. We'll produce better outcomes

00:31:56.460 if we can regain sovereignty over our emotions. I hope that helps guys. I truly hope it does.

00:32:04.340 This is a lesson for me. Like I said earlier, as much as it is anybody else, please let me know if

00:32:09.180 I left anything out. Let me know if there's a particular point that you thought that really

00:32:14.280 resonated or hit well with you. And we'll keep having the discussion. Anyways, that's all I've got

00:32:20.020 for now. I do want to say Merry Christmas. That's going to be coming up on Sunday. So just in a couple

00:32:26.680 days, as of the release of this podcast, remember the reason for the season. It's not forgiving.

00:32:30.820 It's not for Santa Claus. It's not even just for the joy of our children. It's for the joy of

00:32:37.740 humankind. It's the reason we celebrate is the birth of Christ, the greatest man to ever walk the

00:32:43.940 earth and somebody we ought to strive to be more like in every way. Remember, that's the reason for

00:32:50.000 Christmas. Enjoy it. Make some memories with your families and we'll be back next week. Until then,

00:32:56.280 go out there, take action, regain sovereignty over your emotions and become a man you are meant to

00:33:02.260 be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:33:07.060 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - December 23, 2022

The Path to Emotional Sovereignty ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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