Order of Man - The Peril of Self-Betrayal

00:00:00.000 Maybe your wife said something to you last week

00:00:04.420 or earlier this week that was really bothering you

00:00:07.200 and you never addressed it.

00:00:09.300 And you don't want to bring it up now

00:00:10.560 because you don't want to rock the boat,

00:00:11.960 but it's still eating at you.

00:00:13.440 It's still bothering you.

00:00:14.860 Guys, that is agitating you.

00:00:17.360 I mean, I gave you a bunch of examples,

00:00:18.780 but just pick one and do it today.

00:00:21.240 Just commit to doing one.

00:00:23.000 You don't need to do all 10 or 20

00:00:24.680 or however many on their list.

00:00:26.020 Just do one of those things.

00:00:27.360 Men, today I'd like to talk with you

00:00:31.040 about the perils of self-betrayal.

00:00:33.520 We're gonna talk about what self-betrayal is.

00:00:36.440 We're gonna talk about the consequences of self-betrayal

00:00:38.940 and how it manifests in your life

00:00:40.680 and why you might feel that way,

00:00:43.160 whether it's externally or internally.

00:00:45.780 But most importantly, we're gonna talk about

00:00:47.600 what you can do to not only overcome

00:00:50.120 the concept of self-betrayal,

00:00:52.020 but I think more importantly,

00:00:54.180 the anxiety and fear and anxiousness

00:00:56.660 and agitation and impatience

00:00:58.180 that tend to manifest as a result

00:01:00.320 of self-betrayal activities.

00:01:03.460 And then also I'm gonna share

00:01:04.360 some additional resources for you.

00:01:06.420 So without any further ado,

00:01:08.240 let's jump right into it today.

00:01:10.360 What is self-betrayal?

00:01:11.640 Self-betrayal is knowing

00:01:13.120 that you need to do something,

00:01:16.140 that something needs to be done,

00:01:17.480 a conversation needs to be had,

00:01:19.200 an activity needs to be engaged with.

00:01:21.600 Maybe it's a to-do list.

00:01:23.020 Maybe, like I said, it's a conversation.

00:01:24.760 Maybe it's a certain behavior or action

00:01:27.360 that you are engaged in

00:01:28.940 that you should not be engaged in

00:01:30.620 or that you should be engaged in.

00:01:32.820 And anytime you have this thought in your mind,

00:01:34.980 in your heart, in your soul,

00:01:36.280 and you don't physically act upon it,

00:01:39.080 that is a form of self-betrayal.

00:01:42.460 There are a lot of reasons for this,

00:01:44.060 outside factors, influence, manipulation,

00:01:47.140 and there's some internal factors

00:01:49.240 that are going to be present as well.

00:01:52.640 And we're going to talk about that.

00:01:54.300 But at the end of the day, guys,

00:01:55.980 you really need to be aware

00:01:57.660 of what you is telling you.

00:02:01.020 Now, I say you because there's a lot of factors.

00:02:04.520 It's our logical, rational,

00:02:07.400 thought-processing side of our brain.

00:02:10.040 It's our heart or more often

00:02:13.720 or maybe more appropriately,

00:02:16.020 your emotional side,

00:02:17.740 which is telling you how you feel

00:02:19.900 and intuition

00:02:22.480 and how you should take these things

00:02:25.420 into consideration

00:02:26.960 that you may not be real able

00:02:31.060 to explain logically

00:02:32.900 why you might feel that way.

00:02:34.200 I think there's something to be said for that.

00:02:36.080 And then there's also the soul.

00:02:37.600 And I would say that is derived from a higher power

00:02:41.360 from God

00:02:42.920 or from however you choose to look at it,

00:02:46.300 some higher entity and being

00:02:48.100 that is working with us,

00:02:50.160 that is working on our behalf,

00:02:51.760 that is advocating for us,

00:02:53.240 that is giving you ideas

00:02:55.560 and thoughts and insights

00:02:56.940 that maybe you just would not have come up with

00:02:59.500 on your own.

00:03:00.680 So they're coming from a lot of different places.

00:03:02.780 There's a lot of different ideas

00:03:04.880 and insights and intuition

00:03:06.340 and emotions that we feel and experience.

00:03:08.500 And I think as men,

00:03:09.780 we ought to tap into all of that.

00:03:13.480 Commonly, at least in,

00:03:15.320 I was going to say in modern times,

00:03:16.560 but probably throughout human history,

00:03:19.080 men have been told,

00:03:20.560 maybe it's better than it's ever been in fact,

00:03:22.300 but traditionally men have been told

00:03:24.240 that we don't take into consideration

00:03:26.240 the way that we feel,

00:03:27.940 that we don't take into consideration

00:03:29.540 this sixth sense that we might have

00:03:32.260 called intuition

00:03:33.180 or the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

00:03:36.980 You might choose to look at it that way.

00:03:39.880 But I think that's leaving resources

00:03:42.900 and assets and tools on the table.

00:03:44.980 And why wouldn't we?

00:03:46.280 Why shouldn't we?

00:03:47.760 Tap into every tool at our disposal

00:03:49.420 to help us perform better,

00:03:51.380 not only for ourselves,

00:03:52.260 but for the people

00:03:53.620 that we have a responsibility for

00:03:55.200 and also the people that we care about.

00:03:57.840 So I've really dived down the rabbit hole

00:04:01.040 on this concept of self-betrayal

00:04:02.660 because I know that every time

00:04:04.460 I'm feeling frustrated

00:04:07.500 or agitated

00:04:08.540 or anxious

00:04:09.440 or impatient,

00:04:10.440 even if I'm directing that towards my kids

00:04:13.920 or the people that I love

00:04:15.000 or I'm just internalizing it,

00:04:17.320 it's a direct result

00:04:19.200 of self-betrayal in some way.

00:04:22.260 So what are the consequences then

00:04:23.880 of betraying yourself?

00:04:25.320 Of having that intuition

00:04:26.760 and having that feedback

00:04:27.780 and having those logical thoughts

00:04:29.660 and ideas and concepts

00:04:31.540 and not acting on it.

00:04:33.620 And to go back to what it is,

00:04:35.180 I've often talked about this concept

00:04:36.800 that I call the integrity gap.

00:04:38.860 It's the gap between

00:04:40.020 what we know we ought to be doing

00:04:41.820 and what we're actually doing.

00:04:43.820 That's the integrity gap.

00:04:45.520 And in order to bridge that integrity gap,

00:04:47.360 you need to overcome

00:04:48.140 this concept of self-betrayal.

00:04:49.760 So how does it,

00:04:51.540 what are the consequences?

00:04:52.460 Well, obviously,

00:04:54.360 inferior results in your life.

00:04:57.180 If you're not doing

00:04:58.180 what you know you should be doing,

00:04:59.620 you're going to be overweight.

00:05:01.100 You're going to have poor relationships.

00:05:02.920 You're not going to be able

00:05:03.620 to communicate effectively.

00:05:05.160 You're not going to get the promotions

00:05:06.380 that you deserve.

00:05:07.920 Or you're not going to be able

00:05:09.240 to influence people

00:05:10.120 in a positive way,

00:05:11.260 your friends, family, colleagues,

00:05:12.420 co-workers, neighbors, etc.

00:05:13.600 in positive ways

00:05:15.740 to lead them effectively.

00:05:17.780 You're going to be dissatisfied.

00:05:19.520 You're going to be unfulfilled.

00:05:21.740 Are these triggering

00:05:22.680 any thoughts for you guys?

00:05:24.060 Do you feel like that?

00:05:25.520 Because if you do,

00:05:26.400 I can tell you right now,

00:05:27.720 without even knowing

00:05:28.560 your specific situation,

00:05:29.900 that there is some

00:05:30.600 self-betrayal happening.

00:05:32.440 And it's hard to confront that

00:05:34.620 because it means that

00:05:36.600 you might need to have

00:05:37.520 a difficult conversation

00:05:38.700 or that you might risk

00:05:41.220 ruining a relationship

00:05:43.380 or a career pursuit

00:05:45.820 or a relationship

00:05:47.840 with a client even

00:05:48.980 because you're being honest

00:05:50.700 and true to who you are.

00:05:53.000 But I'll tell you,

00:05:54.000 in the short term,

00:05:54.880 you might lose

00:05:55.480 some of those things.

00:05:57.200 You're going to lose

00:05:58.120 some battles.

00:05:59.080 You're going to lose

00:05:59.560 some skirmishes here and there.

00:06:01.300 But in the grand scheme of things,

00:06:02.700 the more true we can be

00:06:03.540 to ourselves

00:06:04.140 and the more that we can

00:06:05.460 avoid betraying

00:06:06.760 what we feel

00:06:07.480 and believe and think,

00:06:08.700 you're going to win that war

00:06:10.220 and you're going to make good moves

00:06:12.400 and you're going to live

00:06:13.280 a more fulfilled life.

00:06:15.340 So how does this manifest then?

00:06:18.480 If we know now

00:06:19.180 what self-betrayal is

00:06:20.420 and we know what the consequences

00:06:22.760 of self-betrayal are,

00:06:24.440 how does it show up?

00:06:25.820 And how do you know

00:06:26.880 without having to think

00:06:28.260 too deeply about it

00:06:29.540 if you're betraying yourself?

00:06:31.340 And we'll get to that.

00:06:32.920 I'm going to share with you

00:06:33.600 here in a little bit

00:06:34.260 the specific things

00:06:35.660 that you can do,

00:06:37.200 very actionable steps

00:06:38.480 that you can do

00:06:39.000 right now today

00:06:39.800 that are going to help you

00:06:41.120 overcome the concept

00:06:41.920 of self-betrayal

00:06:42.680 and make you feel

00:06:43.300 so much better about yourself

00:06:44.880 and in return

00:06:45.960 produce those results,

00:06:47.560 the relationship

00:06:48.220 of your dreams,

00:06:49.780 the business

00:06:50.680 that you've always wanted,

00:06:51.920 the financial acumen

00:06:53.100 that you've desired,

00:06:54.160 the promotion

00:06:54.780 that you feel like

00:06:55.500 you deserve,

00:06:56.440 the body

00:06:57.040 that you've dreamed of.

00:06:58.660 So I'll give you those

00:06:59.660 here in a second,

00:07:01.380 but first,

00:07:02.040 I want to tell you

00:07:02.880 that I know

00:07:04.060 what you're feeling

00:07:04.700 right now

00:07:05.480 because I feel it too.

00:07:07.900 Every single day,

00:07:08.740 I feel one of,

00:07:09.960 if not more,

00:07:10.640 of the things

00:07:11.100 that I'm about to share

00:07:11.820 with you.

00:07:12.400 And again,

00:07:12.800 I'm self-aware enough

00:07:14.180 to know that if I'm

00:07:15.100 feeling those things,

00:07:16.580 it's like the dashboard

00:07:19.060 on your car.

00:07:20.700 You're driving down the road,

00:07:22.000 maybe you're going on a trip,

00:07:23.080 or maybe you're just

00:07:23.620 heading into work,

00:07:24.340 and that little check

00:07:25.120 engine light comes on

00:07:26.400 or the engine temperature

00:07:28.000 gets too hot

00:07:28.980 or whatever it might be,

00:07:31.320 and your heart sinks

00:07:32.200 a little bit

00:07:32.620 and you wonder

00:07:33.000 what's going on

00:07:33.800 and you wonder,

00:07:34.960 man,

00:07:35.140 is it the transmission?

00:07:36.100 Is it the engine?

00:07:37.000 How much is it going

00:07:37.720 to cost me?

00:07:38.960 And so what do you do?

00:07:40.500 Well,

00:07:40.880 some people just ignore it.

00:07:43.080 In fact,

00:07:43.660 a lot of men

00:07:44.220 just ignore it,

00:07:45.280 just like we do

00:07:46.000 with our health

00:07:46.460 and other issues

00:07:47.000 that we might be facing,

00:07:48.100 but it's only going

00:07:49.120 to get worse

00:07:49.580 if we do that.

00:07:50.420 So what should you do?

00:07:51.640 Well,

00:07:51.900 you should probably

00:07:52.700 pull over

00:07:53.280 if it's a serious issue.

00:07:55.620 You know,

00:07:55.820 if you see smoke

00:07:56.480 coming out of your

00:07:57.320 engine compartment,

00:07:58.700 probably pull over.

00:07:59.360 Maybe it's just

00:08:00.900 you're out of gas

00:08:01.560 and so you just need

00:08:02.060 to go to the gas station

00:08:02.900 or maybe it's

00:08:04.120 something more serious

00:08:05.000 and so you take it

00:08:06.060 to the mechanic

00:08:06.720 and the mechanic

00:08:07.660 diagnoses it.

00:08:08.920 He runs his little

00:08:09.460 computer program

00:08:10.320 and his diagnosis tools

00:08:12.280 or whatever it is

00:08:12.980 that he does,

00:08:13.900 the secrets that they do

00:08:14.960 behind closed doors

00:08:15.740 we don't know about

00:08:16.460 and he tells you

00:08:19.080 what's wrong with it

00:08:19.740 and then you can decide,

00:08:22.200 do I want to fix that

00:08:23.920 or not?

00:08:24.880 I've got a couple of alerts

00:08:25.980 that have come up

00:08:26.560 on my truck

00:08:27.080 and I think one

00:08:27.920 is a low tire pressure

00:08:30.060 on one side

00:08:30.900 and actually

00:08:32.860 I think that's all

00:08:33.500 that it is.

00:08:34.180 A low tire pressure

00:08:35.120 on one side.

00:08:35.680 I brought it in

00:08:36.160 the guy said

00:08:36.660 the sensor's bad.

00:08:38.060 Do you want to replace it?

00:08:38.920 And I asked him

00:08:39.300 how much it was

00:08:39.840 and he's like,

00:08:40.440 he told me how much it was

00:08:41.660 I said,

00:08:41.940 no thank you.

00:08:42.760 Is the tire good?

00:08:43.800 Is everything working correctly?

00:08:44.960 He's like,

00:08:45.180 yeah,

00:08:45.300 everything's fine.

00:08:46.160 The sensor's low.

00:08:47.680 Well,

00:08:48.280 I can deal with that

00:08:49.060 and so I made the decision

00:08:50.400 not to worry about it

00:08:52.400 but if it was something

00:08:53.940 more serious

00:08:54.600 then I would worry about it.

00:08:56.220 Now how does this

00:08:56.940 translate to your life?

00:08:58.720 Well,

00:08:58.940 if you start to feel

00:08:59.920 the things I'm going to

00:09:00.580 share with you right now

00:09:01.520 that's the little

00:09:03.060 check engine light

00:09:03.840 coming on saying,

00:09:04.780 hey,

00:09:05.500 something's wrong.

00:09:06.880 We're not supposed

00:09:07.780 to be experiencing this.

00:09:08.820 We're not supposed

00:09:09.400 to be feeling this

00:09:10.220 and I'm not telling you

00:09:11.100 that it's wrong

00:09:12.840 to have these feelings.

00:09:14.080 I'm saying

00:09:14.740 if they come up

00:09:15.860 especially if it's chronic

00:09:17.140 that there's something

00:09:18.780 deeper going on

00:09:19.840 in your life

00:09:20.440 that you really

00:09:21.600 ought to be aware of

00:09:22.620 and address.

00:09:24.060 So what does it look like?

00:09:25.000 Well,

00:09:25.980 it's anxiety.

00:09:27.780 Your heart's racing.

00:09:29.500 You're fearful.

00:09:31.580 You're guessing.

00:09:33.280 You're not able

00:09:34.280 to focus

00:09:35.120 because you're worried

00:09:36.120 about whatever

00:09:36.660 this thing is.

00:09:37.760 It could be anger.

00:09:39.480 Maybe you're more

00:09:40.060 agitated than normal.

00:09:41.660 Maybe the slightest

00:09:42.420 thing sets you off.

00:09:44.240 Maybe your kid

00:09:44.940 says something.

00:09:46.800 Maybe they backtalk

00:09:47.600 a little bit.

00:09:48.180 Normally you'd correct

00:09:48.980 and discipline

00:09:49.520 but this time

00:09:50.140 you decide to yell

00:09:50.860 and scream and shout

00:09:52.140 and berate

00:09:52.660 or belittle them.

00:09:54.720 That's an indicator

00:09:55.920 that there might be

00:09:57.300 some self-betrayal

00:09:58.200 happening.

00:09:59.040 Maybe it's impatience.

00:10:01.420 You know,

00:10:01.640 you get home

00:10:02.180 from a long day

00:10:02.800 at work

00:10:03.280 and the kids

00:10:04.140 are jumping

00:10:04.480 all over you

00:10:05.160 and they want

00:10:05.660 your attention

00:10:06.580 and they want

00:10:07.020 to go play baseball

00:10:08.480 and play a video game

00:10:10.040 or have dinner

00:10:11.060 or whatever it is

00:10:11.960 they want

00:10:12.360 and instead

00:10:13.760 of addressing

00:10:14.360 those things

00:10:15.100 and prioritizing them

00:10:16.400 you blow up

00:10:17.560 and you isolate yourself

00:10:20.260 because you can't

00:10:21.160 deal with it anymore.

00:10:23.080 Maybe it's just

00:10:24.100 frustration

00:10:25.000 that you just have

00:10:26.820 this overwhelming

00:10:28.340 sense of

00:10:29.240 not knowing

00:10:31.440 what in the world

00:10:32.020 is going on

00:10:32.620 and just being

00:10:33.140 slightly agitated

00:10:34.420 and feeling

00:10:36.220 as if

00:10:36.800 you could do more

00:10:38.020 and you're capable

00:10:38.720 of so much more

00:10:39.660 and yet you're not

00:10:40.420 doing it

00:10:41.020 and so you beat

00:10:41.940 yourself up

00:10:42.660 and you critique

00:10:43.720 yourself

00:10:44.140 and you criticize

00:10:44.840 and you exacerbate

00:10:47.480 the problem

00:10:47.960 and then it becomes

00:10:48.600 self-fulfilling prophecy

00:10:49.700 and then you start

00:10:50.640 to manifest that

00:10:51.460 in real life

00:10:51.880 through your results.

00:10:54.080 You get passed over

00:10:55.020 for the promotion

00:10:55.680 or the relationship

00:10:56.680 starts to break down

00:10:57.680 that was going good

00:10:58.320 otherwise

00:10:58.700 or you make

00:11:02.000 a bad financial decision

00:11:03.460 and it costs

00:11:04.280 you and your family

00:11:05.220 important financial resources

00:11:07.220 that you needed.

00:11:08.740 If any of these things

00:11:10.260 are happening

00:11:10.820 and if multiple things

00:11:11.920 are happening

00:11:12.460 I'm telling you

00:11:13.700 right now

00:11:14.160 it's probably

00:11:15.000 self-betray

00:11:15.700 now there are

00:11:17.000 other things

00:11:17.800 okay

00:11:18.220 there are other

00:11:19.260 things that might

00:11:20.120 make you feel

00:11:20.700 that way

00:11:21.140 there's external

00:11:23.340 factors

00:11:23.780 and there's

00:11:24.740 internal factors

00:11:25.680 so the external

00:11:27.340 factors are

00:11:28.460 things outside

00:11:29.740 of your control

00:11:30.380 so for example

00:11:31.280 you're driving

00:11:32.080 down the road

00:11:32.620 the check engine

00:11:34.260 light comes on

00:11:35.280 transmissions

00:11:36.100 shot

00:11:36.660 okay that's

00:11:38.100 an external

00:11:38.680 factor

00:11:39.240 I mean maybe

00:11:40.380 there were some

00:11:40.840 things that you

00:11:41.320 could have done

00:11:41.760 about that

00:11:42.320 with regular

00:11:42.800 maintenance

00:11:43.280 and lubrication

00:11:44.060 and things

00:11:44.460 and just being

00:11:44.920 aware of it

00:11:45.340 sure

00:11:45.560 or it might

00:11:46.620 just be that

00:11:47.180 your truck's

00:11:47.720 25 years old

00:11:48.640 or 20 years old

00:11:49.540 and the transmission

00:11:50.620 needs to be replaced

00:11:51.540 if it's external

00:11:53.940 there might not be

00:11:55.040 any form of

00:11:55.840 self-betrayal

00:11:56.520 going on

00:11:57.040 but it's still

00:11:57.500 important to address

00:11:58.460 what it's coming

00:11:59.400 from

00:11:59.880 if you get

00:12:02.480 passed over

00:12:03.060 for a promotion

00:12:04.140 that you think

00:12:05.600 you should have

00:12:06.020 received

00:12:06.600 that may not be

00:12:08.240 necessarily a form

00:12:09.460 of self-betrayal

00:12:10.440 it could just be

00:12:11.160 that somebody

00:12:11.740 with better

00:12:12.880 experience

00:12:13.580 a better resume

00:12:14.900 came in from

00:12:15.960 inside or outside

00:12:16.660 the company

00:12:17.160 and they got

00:12:17.680 the position

00:12:18.120 over you

00:12:18.700 you didn't

00:12:20.120 necessarily betray

00:12:21.240 yourself

00:12:21.780 but it's still

00:12:22.840 going to cause

00:12:23.340 some frustration

00:12:24.000 and anxiety

00:12:24.600 and maybe even

00:12:25.940 depression

00:12:26.400 and agitation

00:12:27.840 and impatience

00:12:28.680 it's going to

00:12:29.220 cause those things

00:12:30.020 or a relationship

00:12:32.100 where

00:12:32.700 you know

00:12:33.920 it's not working

00:12:34.460 out

00:12:34.760 and that's

00:12:35.840 going to cause

00:12:36.260 some anxiety

00:12:36.820 for you

00:12:37.420 or

00:12:38.360 you know

00:12:40.300 one of your

00:12:40.800 kids breaks

00:12:41.580 their arm

00:12:42.100 when they're

00:12:42.880 playing at

00:12:43.360 recess

00:12:43.800 like obviously

00:12:45.480 I would be

00:12:46.120 stressed out

00:12:46.640 and agitated

00:12:47.060 about that too

00:12:47.740 because I don't

00:12:49.240 want to have

00:12:49.800 to have them

00:12:51.520 hurt

00:12:51.880 I don't want

00:12:52.320 to have them

00:12:52.760 in pain

00:12:53.140 I don't want

00:12:53.460 to take them

00:12:53.860 to hospital

00:12:54.280 I don't want

00:12:54.680 to have the

00:12:54.940 cost associated

00:12:55.740 with it

00:12:56.060 and so that

00:12:56.440 would agitate

00:12:57.060 me

00:12:57.380 I would not

00:12:58.000 be agitated

00:12:58.600 at them

00:12:59.140 unless they did

00:12:59.800 something stupid

00:13:00.420 but it's just

00:13:02.080 part of life

00:13:02.620 those are the

00:13:03.140 externals

00:13:03.720 and it's

00:13:04.060 important to know

00:13:04.720 are the

00:13:05.820 frustrations

00:13:06.420 that you're

00:13:06.820 experiencing

00:13:07.280 in life

00:13:07.700 coming from

00:13:08.280 external

00:13:08.740 or internally

00:13:09.520 internally

00:13:11.260 is much

00:13:11.800 more

00:13:12.140 devious

00:13:12.880 because it's

00:13:13.800 hard to tell

00:13:14.480 sometimes

00:13:15.060 and we have

00:13:16.240 a great

00:13:16.820 ability

00:13:17.380 to

00:13:18.060 fool

00:13:20.400 ourselves

00:13:20.940 to convince

00:13:22.740 ourselves

00:13:23.220 that the

00:13:23.720 internal

00:13:24.120 issues

00:13:24.560 are actually

00:13:25.280 external

00:13:25.760 issues

00:13:26.140 you have

00:13:26.420 no control

00:13:27.000 over

00:13:27.320 so what

00:13:28.740 might be

00:13:29.200 an internal

00:13:29.740 issue

00:13:30.140 well

00:13:31.680 it could

00:13:32.220 be that

00:13:32.740 you need

00:13:33.160 to have

00:13:33.440 a difficult

00:13:33.880 conversation

00:13:34.560 with your

00:13:35.240 wife

00:13:35.560 but you're

00:13:36.000 so

00:13:36.400 afraid

00:13:37.060 to have

00:13:38.480 that

00:13:38.680 conversation

00:13:39.360 that

00:13:39.920 nothing

00:13:40.420 ever gets

00:13:41.000 addressed

00:13:41.440 your wants

00:13:41.980 and needs

00:13:42.340 aren't being

00:13:42.760 met

00:13:43.060 her wants

00:13:44.040 and needs

00:13:44.380 aren't being

00:13:44.820 met

00:13:45.080 and now

00:13:45.520 all of a sudden

00:13:46.040 both of you

00:13:46.520 are frustrated

00:13:47.180 and agitated

00:13:48.740 and if left

00:13:50.060 unchecked

00:13:50.780 it can begin

00:13:51.420 to spiral

00:13:52.020 into a

00:13:52.540 breakdown

00:13:52.860 in a

00:13:53.500 marriage

00:13:54.060 it could be

00:13:56.500 at work

00:13:57.000 that

00:13:57.400 instead of

00:13:58.740 doing all

00:13:59.580 of your work

00:14:00.140 every single

00:14:00.800 day and being

00:14:01.440 diligent towards

00:14:02.280 what you need

00:14:02.760 to do

00:14:03.160 you've been

00:14:03.520 slacking off

00:14:04.300 because you're

00:14:04.780 frustrated about

00:14:05.500 that maybe

00:14:06.040 relationship

00:14:06.660 and now

00:14:07.620 you're taking

00:14:08.060 it easy

00:14:08.380 at work

00:14:08.880 and you're

00:14:09.200 coasting

00:14:09.840 and you're

00:14:10.860 not really

00:14:11.340 doing your

00:14:11.780 work and so

00:14:12.280 you get

00:14:12.560 home and now

00:14:13.440 work is spilling

00:14:14.700 over into the

00:14:15.320 walls of your

00:14:15.800 home which makes

00:14:16.580 the relationship

00:14:17.340 worse and the

00:14:18.060 relationship with

00:14:18.740 the kids

00:14:19.140 becomes fractured

00:14:20.440 these are internal

00:14:22.940 issues

00:14:23.480 they're things

00:14:24.020 well within your

00:14:24.800 control

00:14:25.260 when you're at

00:14:26.260 work you can

00:14:26.960 be busy

00:14:27.520 you can be

00:14:28.600 effective

00:14:29.000 you can be

00:14:29.700 productive

00:14:30.100 and yet

00:14:30.720 sometimes we

00:14:31.580 choose not to

00:14:32.140 be

00:14:32.340 and as long

00:14:33.680 as we're

00:14:33.940 intentional about

00:14:34.620 it I think

00:14:36.400 it's okay

00:14:37.860 in the right

00:14:38.620 context to say

00:14:39.380 hey you know

00:14:39.680 I need a break

00:14:40.220 I need a pause

00:14:40.900 I did that

00:14:41.980 yesterday I was

00:14:42.520 hammering through

00:14:43.260 a bunch of

00:14:43.680 emails yesterday

00:14:44.360 I got through

00:14:44.740 like 120 or

00:14:46.080 130 I'm like

00:14:46.980 man I just

00:14:48.820 need a break

00:14:49.380 and so I ran

00:14:50.740 outside I work

00:14:51.780 at home and I

00:14:52.380 went and took

00:14:52.960 the trash out

00:14:53.640 and put it in

00:14:54.080 the trash can

00:14:54.720 and just walked

00:14:55.460 around outside

00:14:56.160 for a minute

00:14:56.580 got the sun

00:14:57.300 got the warmth

00:14:57.960 and then came

00:14:58.460 back in and

00:14:58.960 got right back

00:14:59.460 to work

00:14:59.900 that was

00:15:00.520 deliberate

00:15:00.900 but I wasn't

00:15:02.260 slacking I was

00:15:03.400 taking a

00:15:03.780 deliberate break

00:15:04.560 in order to

00:15:05.380 just get a

00:15:06.460 little bit of

00:15:06.780 recharge to

00:15:07.340 hammer through

00:15:07.720 the rest of

00:15:08.100 the emails I

00:15:08.620 needed to get

00:15:09.040 through but

00:15:10.620 all too often

00:15:11.260 we're not doing

00:15:11.880 it deliberately

00:15:12.480 and we're not

00:15:13.160 doing it

00:15:13.500 intentionally and

00:15:14.280 we're sitting

00:15:14.600 on the toilet

00:15:15.380 too long

00:15:16.040 playing video

00:15:17.280 games when we

00:15:18.020 should be making

00:15:18.680 sales calls or

00:15:20.940 we're ignoring

00:15:21.620 the red flags

00:15:23.540 that come up in

00:15:24.400 the relationship

00:15:25.140 because we don't

00:15:26.720 really feel

00:15:27.220 comfortable having

00:15:28.040 that difficult

00:15:28.660 conversation and

00:15:29.520 what it might

00:15:29.920 mean or a

00:15:32.120 conversation with

00:15:33.100 your child or

00:15:35.380 maybe even helping

00:15:36.540 your child read or

00:15:38.080 get their school

00:15:39.000 work done or

00:15:39.800 maybe they're

00:15:40.200 dealing with a

00:15:41.200 bully at school and

00:15:42.300 you need to have a

00:15:43.160 conversation or maybe

00:15:43.960 they ask you an

00:15:44.580 uncomfortable question

00:15:46.040 about sex or drugs

00:15:49.520 or pornography or

00:15:51.180 any number of things

00:15:52.900 that kids have a

00:15:53.840 great ability to ask

00:15:55.220 at the most awkward

00:15:56.440 and random times

00:15:57.720 and instead of

00:15:59.140 confronting it and

00:16:00.060 dealing with it and

00:16:00.780 being honest with your

00:16:01.580 child you kick the

00:16:02.880 can down the road

00:16:03.480 oh that's cute

00:16:04.180 laugh a little bit

00:16:05.020 chuckle awkwardly and

00:16:06.080 then shoo them off

00:16:07.600 because you don't want

00:16:08.260 to deal with with the

00:16:09.120 questions they're asking

00:16:09.960 or maybe you know you

00:16:14.460 need to go to the gym

00:16:15.360 or get a run-in and

00:16:16.940 you don't you sleep in

00:16:18.260 and you might say

00:16:21.180 well you know I'm

00:16:22.100 just big boned I

00:16:23.180 just my this is my

00:16:24.500 family's built this

00:16:25.380 way but you've

00:16:26.100 actually never really

00:16:27.140 given you a chance to

00:16:28.080 see if that's true

00:16:28.960 or you know you want

00:16:32.180 to eat well and so

00:16:33.280 maybe you did some

00:16:34.560 meal prep and you've

00:16:35.500 got your chicken and

00:16:36.320 your rice and your

00:16:37.160 vegetables all lined

00:16:38.300 up and you've got

00:16:39.040 them all set aside

00:16:40.440 labeled in Tupperware

00:16:42.020 in the fridge ready to

00:16:43.020 go for each week and

00:16:43.840 instead of taking one

00:16:44.740 of those out of the

00:16:45.300 fridge you decide to

00:16:47.080 go with the boys at

00:16:47.980 lunch to chilies and

00:16:49.560 chow down on the

00:16:51.460 double you know

00:16:52.740 onion cheeseburger

00:16:54.160 and fries and

00:16:56.120 whatever else I mean

00:16:57.680 I've done it I'm not

00:16:58.400 I'm not pointing

00:16:59.040 fingers but we just

00:17:00.460 need to be honest

00:17:01.280 about our decisions

00:17:02.960 so there's the

00:17:04.580 internals and there's

00:17:05.500 the externals now the

00:17:06.360 interesting thing about

00:17:07.240 the externals is that

00:17:09.240 in a lot of cases we

00:17:10.480 think they're external

00:17:11.340 for example we got

00:17:12.320 passed over for the

00:17:13.120 promotion but the

00:17:14.760 reality is is that if

00:17:15.980 we focused on the

00:17:16.980 internal more the

00:17:18.320 external is much more

00:17:19.500 likely to pay out play

00:17:20.600 out in our benefit so

00:17:22.280 again let's say you

00:17:23.260 got passed over for

00:17:24.260 the promotion because

00:17:24.980 that guy had more

00:17:26.280 credentials or he had

00:17:27.560 more experience or he

00:17:29.060 went to a couple

00:17:29.640 different little training

00:17:30.900 courses that you

00:17:31.960 didn't go to okay what

00:17:33.880 would have happened if

00:17:34.920 over the past five

00:17:35.960 years instead of

00:17:37.200 slacking instead of

00:17:38.880 thinking everything was

00:17:39.760 okay instead of being

00:17:40.760 comfortable and

00:17:41.480 complacent with your life

00:17:42.460 you decided to be more

00:17:43.700 assertive in your work

00:17:45.020 knowing that hey

00:17:46.780 promotions and

00:17:48.360 opportunities might

00:17:49.200 arise and I want to be

00:17:50.120 prepared for those

00:17:50.740 things so that training

00:17:52.220 that my company is

00:17:53.000 going to pay for yeah

00:17:53.960 I'm going to do that

00:17:54.600 and let my company pay

00:17:55.460 for it when I'm sitting

00:17:57.520 on the toilet a little

00:17:58.180 long I think I might

00:17:59.000 think to myself hey you

00:17:59.880 know what I could be

00:18:00.500 making I can make 10

00:18:01.600 extra phone calls right

00:18:03.460 now that would make a

00:18:04.920 difference in my

00:18:05.460 performance I can check

00:18:06.820 in on clients I can ask

00:18:07.980 for referrals I can call

00:18:09.380 new clients prospects and

00:18:11.660 I can really help this

00:18:12.660 this business maybe

00:18:15.060 you're done with your

00:18:15.920 workload on that

00:18:16.740 project that's going on

00:18:18.020 at work and so what

00:18:18.960 can you do to make it

00:18:19.920 even better or to take

00:18:21.640 on something new how

00:18:22.600 can you maybe help

00:18:23.940 another member in the

00:18:25.940 office if they're

00:18:26.840 struggling or slacking

00:18:27.760 with something and

00:18:28.340 then leadership starts

00:18:29.100 to recognize that

00:18:29.860 Ryan's a team player

00:18:30.800 and he's a leader and

00:18:31.600 people respect him

00:18:32.540 there are things that

00:18:34.320 you could have done

00:18:35.020 you know maybe somebody

00:18:36.160 comes to you your wife

00:18:37.120 comes to you and says

00:18:38.000 hey I want a divorce

00:18:39.320 and you think how could

00:18:40.900 she do this how

00:18:41.580 like why would she

00:18:42.640 do all of this and

00:18:43.400 and there's certainly

00:18:44.080 external factors at

00:18:45.160 play you know maybe

00:18:46.760 she stepped out on you

00:18:47.840 or whatever that's on

00:18:50.380 her that's not on you

00:18:51.320 but are there things

00:18:52.980 that you could have

00:18:53.520 done differently to

00:18:54.420 influence the

00:18:55.000 relationship in a

00:18:55.800 positive way so it

00:18:56.600 would not have got to

00:18:57.500 that position I'm not

00:18:59.880 saying you need to put

00:19:00.720 all the blame on

00:19:01.700 yourself and and not

00:19:04.060 allow anybody else to

00:19:05.400 have the responsibility of

00:19:06.740 their decisions that's

00:19:07.640 not what I'm saying at

00:19:08.460 all but I'm saying that

00:19:09.420 if you control the

00:19:10.360 internals it's not a

00:19:13.000 it's not a coincidence

00:19:13.960 that the external start

00:19:15.420 to play out I mean why

00:19:16.520 do the happiest people

00:19:17.700 the most fulfilled

00:19:18.720 people the most

00:19:21.060 competent people the

00:19:22.740 most intelligent or

00:19:23.720 thoughtful or team

00:19:24.740 players always get the

00:19:26.180 opportunities are they

00:19:28.800 happy and fulfilled

00:19:29.600 because they got the

00:19:30.380 opportunities or did

00:19:31.800 they get the

00:19:32.240 opportunities because

00:19:33.220 they're happy and

00:19:34.200 fulfilled because they

00:19:35.700 choose their behaviors

00:19:36.800 internally which then

00:19:38.720 predicts with relative

00:19:40.400 certainty what the

00:19:42.120 external is going to

00:19:43.100 be and the longer you

00:19:44.240 pan out over time the

00:19:45.360 more likely that's true

00:19:46.320 again you might lose in

00:19:47.800 the micro you might get

00:19:49.860 passed over for that

00:19:50.740 promotion but maybe you

00:19:51.760 got passed over for the

00:19:52.740 promotion because there's

00:19:53.520 a better opportunity

00:19:54.500 around the door but

00:19:55.920 you're ready for it

00:19:56.700 because you actually

00:19:57.300 been doing the work for

00:19:58.100 the last five or ten

00:19:58.880 years or alternatively

00:20:00.740 what a lot of guys will

00:20:01.580 do is just sit and

00:20:03.740 sulk and moan and

00:20:05.460 cry about why life is

00:20:07.260 unfair and why they

00:20:08.420 don't get the

00:20:08.960 opportunities everybody

00:20:09.980 else does what can you

00:20:12.400 do about it so let's

00:20:13.820 move into that what do

00:20:15.600 you do about this what

00:20:17.100 do you do about this

00:20:17.980 self-betrayal what can

00:20:18.900 you do right now I'm

00:20:20.220 talking the next five

00:20:21.140 minutes I'm gonna give

00:20:22.420 you some very simple

00:20:23.160 exercises okay so

00:20:24.840 number one is I want

00:20:26.840 you to make a list

00:20:27.560 today of everything

00:20:30.120 that you know you've

00:20:31.560 needed to do everything

00:20:33.620 don't rule anything

00:20:34.640 out conversation with

00:20:36.200 your wife conversation

00:20:37.080 with your kids calling

00:20:38.720 the school to talk with

00:20:39.660 them about something

00:20:40.600 volunteering to coach

00:20:42.100 one of your children's

00:20:43.560 sports teams following

00:20:45.360 up with a client making

00:20:46.780 a prospect call asking

00:20:48.940 for a referral from

00:20:49.880 somebody asking for a

00:20:51.400 conversation with your

00:20:52.280 boss about your

00:20:53.000 performance sharing and

00:20:55.640 articulating your wants

00:20:56.640 and needs in a

00:20:57.220 relationship that you

00:20:58.080 might have maybe it's I

00:21:00.100 need to go work out or

00:21:01.680 I need to do meal prep

00:21:03.160 and I need to cut out

00:21:06.020 the sugars or cut out

00:21:07.260 alcohol or drugs or

00:21:10.380 whatever it might be but

00:21:11.800 I want you to make a

00:21:12.840 thorough list of all the

00:21:15.220 things that are just

00:21:15.840 looming around that you've

00:21:17.920 just been sitting on for

00:21:19.840 days and weeks and months

00:21:22.180 and years and maybe even

00:21:23.740 decades and haven't done

00:21:25.840 make that list I want you

00:21:28.280 to make a second list so

00:21:29.340 that's one all the things

00:21:30.880 that need to get done

00:21:31.460 number two or all the

00:21:33.780 things that you've needed

00:21:34.420 to do excuse me number

00:21:36.240 two is a to-do list today

00:21:38.380 what needs to get done

00:21:39.520 today for example I

00:21:41.740 needed to do this podcast

00:21:43.040 so last night I was

00:21:45.280 thinking about it because

00:21:46.500 I'm a little behind on it

00:21:47.640 that created anxiety for

00:21:50.200 me I didn't sleep as well

00:21:52.160 as I should have or could

00:21:53.240 have because I was

00:21:54.120 thinking about this I

00:21:55.100 procrastinated but now here

00:21:56.700 I am doing it and so that

00:21:57.700 was on my to-do list I've

00:21:59.520 got to make a couple of

00:22:00.300 calls to the bank I've

00:22:01.740 got to call my attorney

00:22:02.620 I've got to call the

00:22:03.920 state of Maine for some

00:22:05.000 documents I've got a

00:22:06.880 bunch of things here

00:22:07.580 because I write this out

00:22:08.600 every single day as well

00:22:09.640 and I've got a busy day

00:22:10.520 today I've got to write a

00:22:11.220 few checks so I've got a

00:22:13.080 lot to do today but I

00:22:14.600 have a system for doing

00:22:15.880 that and so I've got my

00:22:17.120 to-do list now here's what

00:22:18.800 I want you to do so you've

00:22:19.580 got two lists now and that

00:22:21.380 should take you half an

00:22:23.720 hour maybe 20 minutes 30

00:22:25.220 minutes you can add to that

00:22:27.420 if you think of things

00:22:28.120 throughout the day but that

00:22:28.840 should take you about 20

00:22:29.600 minutes now what I want

00:22:30.640 you to do is I want you

00:22:32.380 to pick one item from the

00:22:34.080 first list just one maybe

00:22:37.580 your wife said something to

00:22:40.600 you last week or earlier

00:22:42.760 this week that was really

00:22:44.080 bothering you and you

00:22:46.020 never addressed it and you

00:22:47.540 don't want to bring it up

00:22:48.260 now because you don't want

00:22:49.200 to rock the boat but it's

00:22:50.180 still eating at you it's

00:22:51.660 still bothering you guys

00:22:53.600 that is agitating you whether

00:22:56.060 you realize it or not and

00:22:57.180 you're probably also

00:22:58.180 treating her differently

00:22:59.060 because of it maybe it's

00:23:02.020 talk to the boss I mean I

00:23:03.540 gave you a bunch of

00:23:04.080 examples but just pick one

00:23:05.500 and do it today just commit

00:23:07.960 to doing one I don't you

00:23:09.440 don't need to do all 10 or

00:23:10.500 20 or however many on their

00:23:11.480 list just do one of those

00:23:13.120 things all right the second

00:23:16.220 thing you need to do is on

00:23:17.480 the to-do list choose three of

00:23:19.520 those things to do today I

00:23:22.200 need to work out good get your

00:23:23.420 workout in I need to cut out

00:23:24.780 processed sugars good cut out

00:23:27.140 processed sugars I need to

00:23:28.620 call those those five people

00:23:30.800 today good call those five

00:23:32.860 people today that's it I

00:23:36.360 promise you if you do those

00:23:37.460 four things the one from the

00:23:39.260 the first list which is the

00:23:42.660 things that you know you've

00:23:43.520 been needing to do but

00:23:44.460 haven't done like the put off

00:23:45.780 type list one from those and

00:23:47.860 then three two to three from

00:23:49.460 your to-do list if you do

00:23:51.080 those two things today you're

00:23:53.540 gonna win today you're gonna

00:23:55.480 feel better you're gonna be

00:23:57.560 energized you're gonna be

00:23:59.620 excited you're gonna be

00:24:00.400 happy you're gonna feel proud

00:24:02.000 of yourself and that's gonna

00:24:03.520 carry over when you get home

00:24:04.860 you're gonna be excited to see

00:24:06.680 your kids you could actually

00:24:07.520 give your kids the time and

00:24:08.580 attention they deserve because

00:24:09.480 you know you've got it done

00:24:10.120 at work you can actually have a

00:24:12.200 conversation with your wife

00:24:13.120 about how her day was because

00:24:14.360 you're not worried about how

00:24:15.320 crappy your day was because it

00:24:16.640 wasn't maybe you can be

00:24:20.800 intimate with your wife that

00:24:21.880 evening for the first time in

00:24:22.940 a long time because you're not

00:24:24.240 as stressed or frustrated or

00:24:25.700 contentious and you're not

00:24:26.660 treating her the way maybe you

00:24:28.060 have even subconsciously and

00:24:30.320 she likes that it's it's not a

00:24:35.440 really complex equation it's just

00:24:39.240 do what you know you ought to be

00:24:42.540 doing and there's ways that we

00:24:43.600 can come up with systems and

00:24:44.980 tracking all of it and we'll

00:24:46.480 talk about that and we have

00:24:47.400 talked about that but at the

00:24:49.020 end of the day guys I just I do

00:24:50.840 not want you to betray yourself

00:24:52.860 I don't want to betray myself I

00:24:54.240 do every day by the way some of

00:24:56.600 these conversations that I have

00:24:57.740 with you guys are just as much

00:24:58.940 if not more for me than they are

00:25:00.160 for anybody else I am afraid of

00:25:02.900 having conversations at times I

00:25:05.460 get I procrastinate I get lazy I

00:25:08.360 get bored sometimes I'm

00:25:10.620 manipulated sometimes I'm

00:25:12.280 manipulative like but we all know

00:25:15.720 what we ought to be doing and I

00:25:17.780 know that at the end of every

00:25:19.280 day when I put my head on that

00:25:21.140 pillow I feel so much better when I

00:25:25.240 was true to myself when I avoided

00:25:26.940 self-betrayal and when I did the

00:25:28.840 work that I've been putting off and

00:25:30.980 did the work I know I should be

00:25:32.020 doing now the last thing I'm going

00:25:33.500 to give you so I gave you three

00:25:34.480 things so number one is make a list

00:25:37.800 of everything that you've needed to

00:25:39.100 do that you've been putting off for

00:25:40.460 years or months or days or weeks or

00:25:41.880 whatever number two write out your

00:25:44.460 daily to-do list make the calls have

00:25:46.480 the conversation etc etc number three

00:25:48.660 pick one from the first list list and

00:25:51.760 two to three from the second list and

00:25:54.000 get that done today and then the

00:25:56.660 fourth thing I want you to do is at

00:25:58.280 the end of every evening I want you

00:26:00.500 get a journal or notepad or pull up a

00:26:02.340 word processor on your computer and I

00:26:04.500 want you to document how you feel

00:26:06.540 after having done that relative to

00:26:09.620 not how do you feel about the

00:26:11.960 conversation how do you think the

00:26:14.660 conversation went how do you feel

00:26:16.940 about working out how do you think the

00:26:19.440 workout went a lot of people when I

00:26:21.980 talk about journaling they want

00:26:23.040 prompts like oh what are the prompt

00:26:24.500 there's just talk like you don't need

00:26:27.920 a prompt to talk how do you feel

00:26:30.000 that's it that's your prompt how do

00:26:31.920 you feel the day went how do you feel

00:26:33.540 personally how do you feel inside

00:26:35.220 happy mad sad glad angry upset joyous

00:26:39.020 fulfilled elated how do you feel and

00:26:44.300 why do you feel that way that's it how

00:26:45.780 do you feel and why do you feel that

00:26:46.840 way and I'll give you one other tip on

00:26:48.720 the journaling write it from the

00:26:50.540 perspective that either you in the

00:26:53.020 future will be reading it because you

00:26:54.500 probably should or that at some point

00:26:56.340 your children will and if you do that I

00:27:00.080 think what you'll find is that you'll

00:27:02.420 be more insightful at least I do when I

00:27:04.500 when I think about one of my boys or

00:27:06.560 my daughter getting a hold of my

00:27:07.740 journals I want that to be I don't want

00:27:11.760 to sugarcoat things but I want that to

00:27:13.880 be a accurate and truthful source of

00:27:17.260 relevant insight and information about

00:27:19.920 how they might be able to live their

00:27:21.940 lives a little more effectively so I

00:27:23.820 hope that helps so you've got your

00:27:25.740 marching orders I'm going to give you a

00:27:26.960 couple additional resources number one

00:27:29.140 if you go to order a man dot com slash

00:27:30.940 battle ready that's going to help you

00:27:33.860 with the to-do list side of things it's

00:27:36.100 also going to help you identify goals

00:27:40.680 and objectives and things that you can

00:27:43.080 be doing on a daily basis to achieve

00:27:44.740 those goals and objectives based on a

00:27:46.420 vision that you will write yourself and

00:27:48.020 we'll give you all the exercises to help

00:27:49.580 you write that vision for yourself and

00:27:50.860 that can go in your journal and then the

00:27:53.000 other one is so that's order a man dot com

00:27:55.040 slash battle ready and then the other

00:27:56.920 one is just go to order a man dot com

00:27:58.920 and sign up for our dispatch our

00:28:01.260 dispatch is our weekly email that we

00:28:04.940 sent out and we always I always put an

00:28:07.840 article in there that's that's pertinent

00:28:10.060 relevant to what might be going on and

00:28:11.820 what we're thinking about and it also

00:28:13.760 recaps the overview of the podcast from

00:28:16.640 the week so if you happen to miss one

00:28:18.140 we'll give you an overview and that way

00:28:19.820 you can choose to or not to listen to one

00:28:23.500 that you may have have missed so that's

00:28:25.880 it guys these are the perils of self

00:28:27.500 betrayal and if you're feeling anxious

00:28:29.840 frustrated angry upset contentious it's

00:28:34.120 likely that there's some self betrayal

00:28:35.760 even if it seems external it's likely

00:28:38.880 that it's internally a betrayal of who

00:28:41.620 you are and who you want to be all right

00:28:44.120 guys I hope that helps let me know

00:28:45.560 shoot me a message over on Instagram or

00:28:48.240 Facebook or X I'll get those answers

00:28:50.840 for you I'm pretty good about responding

00:28:52.180 specifically on Instagram I'm very active

00:28:54.000 over there so respond back if you have

00:28:56.120 questions thoughts concerns or ideas

00:28:57.560 and keep getting after it we'll be back

00:28:59.900 next week until then go out there take

00:29:01.500 action and become a man you are meant to

00:29:03.820 be

00:29:04.060 thank you for listening to the order of

00:29:10.160 man podcast you're ready to take charge

00:29:12.560 of your life and be more of the man you

00:29:14.460 were meant to be we invite you to join

00:29:16.480 the order at order of man dot com

00:29:18.700 you

00:29:20.760 you

00:29:22.640 you

00:29:24.580 you

00:29:26.580 you

00:29:28.580 you

00:29:30.580 you

00:29:32.640 you

Order of Man - April 18, 2025

The Peril of Self-Betrayal ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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