Order of Man - The Power of Hiring Mentors, Listening to Emotions Vs. Logic, and Building Delayed Gratification ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. I've got to turn the audio down on YouTube,

00:00:27.660 otherwise I'll hear myself, which is weird. All right, Kip, we're doing something a little

00:00:30.540 different today for the Ask Me Anything. Some guys are going to be listening to this and they're

00:00:34.500 going to hear it through their normal outlet, which is the podcast, and other people are listening to

00:00:39.900 this or watching live on YouTube right now. How does that make you feel? We're put on YouTube

00:00:46.840 because they're not smart enough to figure out how to use a podcast, or are we insulting them

00:00:51.420 when we're live? It's been on YouTube before. We just released it after the fact. I figured,

00:00:58.640 you know, we'd mix it up. We'd try something new, let the guys see it live, and they'll have

00:01:03.000 questions and everything else. We're not going to like moderate those questions, but we're just

00:01:07.560 trying things, all right? We're just experimenting. And now we all have clarity of how Ryan has lost

00:01:12.860 so much weight recently is because he hasn't done any workouts. It's just he's been trimming back the

00:01:18.200 beard. And that in itself is enough to lose weight. That right there is 11 pounds, 11 pounds of weight

00:01:24.340 off my beard. And I got to say, it's a relief on my neck not having to carry that much weight around

00:01:30.520 on my head these last couple of days, I got to say. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, it's been good. I just got a

00:01:35.940 little bit of a wild streak and decided to go in the bathroom and trim it up. And I had to talk

00:01:44.200 myself into it. It took me like 20 minutes. Yeah. This beard. Yes. And, uh, and take care of

00:01:51.580 things. So that I did. And you shaved your head. I buzzed it. Yeah. I mean, I usually do this every

00:01:59.760 spring, summer anyways, cause it's kind of like the summer do it start to warm up except for

00:02:05.100 apparently in Maine, it doesn't warm up ever. Just when you think it's going to be spring,

00:02:11.240 it snows. We had like 11 inches of snow overnight. Uh, and then our power went out for three days.

00:02:19.320 So this is the first experience, like real experience of winter, but it only lasted for

00:02:23.620 like a day and a half. And now it's all gone. And the grass is already greening up. So it's crazy.

00:02:28.360 Yeah. I loved how we were talking about, Oh, it's getting warm and I'm going to get the scout out.

00:02:32.960 And then like the next day on your Instagram, it's like, yeah, it's snowing. I have no power.

00:02:37.060 Yeah. So fortunately we got the generator hooked up several months ago. And as the first time we,

00:02:42.460 we ended up having to use it. So it's kind of cool though. You have to admit that's nice to be

00:02:46.280 able to do, to go. I mean, we live in such easy times right now. I mean, we didn't have to conserve

00:02:52.280 energy. We didn't have to turn the lights off, although we did, you know, but, uh, it was,

00:02:57.220 the other thing we had to do is because we didn't have power, the internet was out.

00:03:01.720 And, and so we were on the generator. So we had power to the TV and we had to use DVDs.

00:03:10.660 What? Like the physical thing, these little round discs and they're thin and they're silver. And you

00:03:16.580 know, what was funny is I was sitting there watching a movie. And they're a screen or how

00:03:20.060 does it get the data off there? Weird, right? Uh, as I was watching it, you, you remember the days

00:03:26.420 of having to deal with scratches on your DVDs. So I'm watching this movie. I can't, what movie

00:03:33.060 was it? I was watching a movie and all of a sudden it froze. I'm like, what the hell?

00:03:36.860 Like, what's going on right now? Why, what, what is happening? And it was like skipping like,

00:03:42.280 yeah. And then I just sat there for five minutes, like an idiot because I didn't know what to do.

00:03:46.660 And finally it corrected itself. And we drove on and watched the rest.

00:03:49.880 Then you try the whole, like breathe on it and like, you know, the fog, the fog and wipe it on

00:03:54.860 your shirt. Just like the old Nintendo where you like blew through the, you had a system for the

00:03:59.540 original Nintendo, right? You had to like blow it off and then like put it in just enough to like

00:04:03.380 push it down where it would like grab. You know what I'm talking about? You push it all the way

00:04:07.700 down. It wouldn't work. But if you push it down just enough for it to lock, then you're like,

00:04:11.280 then you got the game working. Yeah, man. Yeah. Wisdom is what we call this.

00:04:16.360 Life in the wisdom, life in the eighties, man. Crazy.

00:04:20.720 So, Hey, you know, before we get into the questions for today, I got to say something.

00:04:25.160 Yeah. I posted something on Twitter the other day and it did not go over well,

00:04:30.320 but basically I said, you know, here's the things that I have accomplished over the past four weeks.

00:04:34.780 Did you say I went to the bathroom and I took care of business? I said, it's some

00:04:38.460 I trim things up and everybody was pissed. No, I, I, I, I made this post on Twitter and, uh,

00:04:46.700 I just basically said like, here's the things I've accomplished over the past, you know, four

00:04:51.600 weeks. Yeah. And then I put like you question mark and put like a little, little hand symbol down.

00:04:57.440 What did you, what have you done? Like, yeah, bring it. And cause I thought, well, this would

00:05:02.520 be cool. Like, I'm curious to see what people have done. Like, what have they produced? And what

00:05:05.920 it, it's not what happened. It was amazing at how quickly people took it out of context and

00:05:13.040 misread it. Although maybe I can see now like, okay, did that come across as braggadocious? Maybe

00:05:17.220 that's not my intention, but even still, it was just, it was comical to me. How many people

00:05:22.820 decided to be upset and all worked up and offended by those comments. And the reason I bring this

00:05:30.300 celebrating by you, by you celebrating your success, right? And heaven forbid you have any level of

00:05:36.020 success while other people are struggling. Right. And so I saw this post on, uh, on Instagram the other

00:05:41.380 day and it was, it was like a meme or a, or, or a quote post. And basically what it was doing,

00:05:49.140 it was chastising anybody who was spreading any sort of message of positivity. In fact, the term they

00:05:56.560 used was, uh, what was it? It was positivity, uh, privilege, no happiness, privilege. That's what it

00:06:02.680 was. Happiness privilege because other people are suffering. So when you talk about your successes,

00:06:07.280 while other people are suffering, you're being insensitive to their suffering and you're supposed

00:06:12.800 to be miserable like everybody else. We live in like the most interesting times. We were talking

00:06:19.900 about CDs earlier. We were talking about Nintendo. We were talking about power. Like we live in a society

00:06:26.080 in a world that, that we have everything right at our fingertips, all the information, power, technology,

00:06:32.080 resources, food, like we are abundant, like no other time in history. And for somebody to be upset or say

00:06:39.820 that we can't be happy about that is ridiculous. And this, this virtue signaling nonsense of you're

00:06:48.580 virtuous because you're a victim or you're virtuous because you're suffering in and of itself is not

00:06:54.740 virtuous. It's the antithesis of virtue. It's weakness. Now I'm not saying there aren't genuine

00:07:01.900 victims out there. And I'm not saying that people don't really go through hardship, but I'm saying

00:07:07.900 that we shouldn't pretend like we're victims. If we're really not, we shouldn't not be excited about

00:07:14.900 the progress that we've made, the things that we've accomplished and everything that we've done

00:07:19.140 just because somebody else refuses to can't do, or is in an inferior position. And by the way,

00:07:25.340 even though we're excited, we can still show levels of, of kindness and compassion and empathy,

00:07:30.320 but it's very frustrating to me to see so many people take this path of voluntary victimhood

00:07:36.980 and think that somehow they're being more moral or noble because they're behaving this way.

00:07:44.040 It's, it's, it's a disturbing trend. It's actually, it's just, it's pathetic. And the other thing I saw

00:07:50.660 quite a bit over the past couple of days with these two posts in particular is it's amazing to me how many

00:07:56.660 people believe that, that if somebody succeeds, like if one person succeeds, like if I succeed or

00:08:02.800 you succeed or anybody listening or watching this podcast succeeds, then it by default comes at the

00:08:09.280 expense of somebody else. You guys, my success, Kip, your success, anybody who's listening to success

00:08:15.060 does not come at the expense of somebody else. Now, could it? Yeah, it could. And there are situations

00:08:20.320 where people victimize and take advantage of situations. But I would say that that is the

00:08:26.060 exception, not the rule. Yeah. When, when, when people have levels of success, it's usually

00:08:32.780 bringing other people up. Like as we grow this movement and what we're doing here, like we're not

00:08:39.160 stepping on other people. We're lifting other people up. I mean, I can't tell you how many messages

00:08:43.580 I get from men who say, you know, I've, I've, I've fixed things with my wife or I've connected with my

00:08:48.220 kids or I'm losing weight. I asked for a promotion. I started a new business because of some of the

00:08:53.460 things that I either read, uh, that you wrote in your book, or we listened to the podcast,

00:08:57.580 or we watched this video and thank you for doing that. Like we can mutually and collectively rise

00:09:04.280 together. My success doesn't come at the expense of yours. And it's just, it's really pathetic and

00:09:09.840 it's disturbing. Yeah. So anyways, I thought we would address that first because that's important.

00:09:14.700 It's important. We talk about this stuff. And what's unfortunate about it is anyone that's

00:09:19.560 listening, that's complaining about this, like saying, yeah, you know what? Like I'm not having

00:09:23.360 sick. Well, that's your fault. Yeah. I actually, I actually have no compassion whatsoever about your

00:09:29.480 circumstance. Like I'll give you a permanent example. Cause I'm trying to think in my mind,

00:09:34.380 like what, what circumstances, what I have to have in my life for me not to be able to internalize

00:09:40.840 and say, okay, I'm succeeding in this area or I'm growing in this area, regardless of the

00:09:47.560 circumstances, which are outside of my control. And, and one thing that came to mind, I mentioned

00:09:51.720 this last week is I had a friend, his, his father just passed away. So, okay. How would he comment to

00:09:58.660 your, to your post on Twitter? You know what he could do? I'm killing it today. I'm a, I'm dealing

00:10:04.960 and addressing the internal issue that I'm having with my father passing away. And I'm choosing to

00:10:10.960 reflect on about what a great man he was and appreciating him and using that to grow and

00:10:17.020 become a better man myself. Yeah. Agreed. Awesome. Amazing way to look at that circumstance and grow

00:10:24.640 and become a better person of it. I don't care what the circumstance is. There's opportunity for

00:10:29.380 you to grow. And I, I don't think there's any scenario by which I could say that someone couldn't

00:10:35.860 say, Hey, I am growing. I'm becoming, I'm going better regardless of their circumstance. It's,

00:10:40.680 it's whether we choose to look at it that way or not. Yeah. And, and let's be really clear though,

00:10:46.180 too, because we're not talking about making light of actual victimhood. Like we're not saying that

00:10:52.300 because somebody took advantage of you financially, physically, sexually, that we're, we're not

00:10:59.120 excusing that and saying, even if that's your fault, we're just saying the circumstances are

00:11:03.520 the circumstances. So regardless of the, if they're positive or negative or anywhere in between,

00:11:08.040 like we need to learn to make the most of these circumstances and somebody else succeeding doesn't

00:11:15.320 diminish me or my worth as a human being. Yeah. And I think that's, I think that's the role a lot

00:11:21.580 of people have taken. Yeah. And I think it's really important by the way, if you don't grow from your

00:11:27.500 circumstance, you are letting it win. You are giving it power over who you are as an individual.

00:11:34.960 So even if it's a really horrible circumstance, don't let it win. You win. And the way you win

00:11:41.740 is by learning to grow and looking for opportunities to become a better person because of it,

00:11:46.460 regardless of the circumstance. Well said. Or in spite of it. Yeah. Right on. All right. Well,

00:11:53.040 there's a rant for the day. So, um, yeah, that was a good rant, man. Yeah. Maybe we'll have more,

00:11:57.760 maybe we'll have some more rants depending on the questions here, but yeah, let's get into it.

00:12:01.120 Uh, we'll, we'll take them for about an hour or so. Um, if, again, if you're, if you're on YouTube,

00:12:05.580 uh, we're glad you're here, YouTube live. So if you're not, you can check it out. YouTube.com

00:12:10.740 slash order of man. And well, I'm not moderating the questions right now. Maybe I should,

00:12:14.720 maybe we will in the future, but, uh, if you do have questions or comments, leave them in the comment

00:12:20.400 section on YouTube and, uh, we'll get back to around to it as, as we can. So anyways,

00:12:25.040 just trying something new, but yeah, let's get into the questions. Yeah. Yeah. So we're,

00:12:28.900 we're filtering questions from two primary locations today. Uh, some leftovers from your,

00:12:33.780 um, post on Instagram. Yep. Yep. At Ryan Mickler, M I C H L E R. So follow him there.

00:12:40.600 We'll go over those questions and then hopefully we'll be able to get to some questions from our

00:12:44.380 Facebook group to join us on Facebook, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

00:12:50.400 And we, we touched base on this last time. You know, there's really like not a name in Instagram.

00:12:55.840 There's just like words put together or letters put together. So wait, I'm going to slaughter

00:13:00.740 whatever. Yes. Yes. On the Instagram username, right? Like last week. You're like, Oh, this is

00:13:06.380 nice. Cause I don't have names. And then it was way worse than having names. So we'll do what we can

00:13:11.500 hear. It was really bad. All right. First question thoughts on paying for a mentor in areas you want

00:13:16.660 to improve like relationships, business, and health. Don't do it. Stupid idea. You don't want

00:13:23.480 to invest in yourself. You don't want to learn from other people who are more successful for you

00:13:27.900 from than you. Like why, why would you want to do that? Yes, of course. And why pay money for a

00:13:32.580 valued service? Yeah. Of course you should do that. Now, most people are going to look at you strange

00:13:36.940 when you say that, like, I'm going to pay this mentor. Oh, you're going to pay somebody to teach

00:13:40.080 you. And yes. Why wouldn't you do that? There has to be a reciprocity in value. There has to be a

00:13:46.040 value exchange. So if I'm going to share information or you're going to share information or any number

00:13:50.420 of people are going to share information, then there has to be some sort of reciprocal benefit

00:13:54.500 for the person doing the mentoring. And that could be, they feel good about it. Some people will,

00:14:01.040 right? They just, they want to help. And so they want to be charitable and they feel good. And that's

00:14:04.580 the value they receive by giving some sort of coaching or mentoring. I mean, I do that in some

00:14:09.300 capacity when I coach my kids as sports teams, I don't get paid. You know, at the end of the year,

00:14:13.200 they give me like a $20 gift card to Dairy Queen. I like, I don't get paid to coach my kids as team,

00:14:18.140 which yeah, I mean the $20 gift card to Dairy Queen is kind of nice. You can buy like six

00:14:23.640 freezes with that or whatever, you know? So that's kind of nice, but, but I do it because I enjoy it,

00:14:28.620 right? There's value in it for me. I get to connect with my kids. I get to feel good about helping other

00:14:34.280 young men and boys in the community. Like that feels good. And that's the reward, the benefit for me.

00:14:38.520 In other cases, you know, somebody calls me up and they say, Hey, I want to start a podcast or a

00:14:43.180 movement, or I want to do something similar to what you've done. Can I pick your brain? No,

00:14:46.900 you can't because there's no value in that for me. In fact, there's only an extraction of value,

00:14:51.860 my time, energy, and resources. So you need to be able to compensate me. That's a fair trade.

00:14:57.920 It has to be a fair, this is, this is the root of capitalism even like that has to be a voluntary

00:15:03.180 exchange of value. So yeah, I think it's very important that if you're looking for specific

00:15:10.040 results, whether it's fitness results or career results, or, you know, you're trying to become a

00:15:16.640 professional athlete or a singer or learn to play the guitar or paint or any number of things that

00:15:23.660 hiring a coach or a mentor is extremely appropriate. And, uh, and I think you should take

00:15:29.580 advantage of the opportunities that are out there. Now, some people look at and say, you know, it's

00:15:33.660 expensive and I don't know if I need to pay, look, you can do it on your own. That's fine, but it's

00:15:38.420 going to take you a lot more time and it's going to cost you a lot more money to do it on your own

00:15:43.460 than it is to, and I'm not going to say shortcut. I'm going to say, then it does to learn the path

00:15:48.680 that you need to walk on. There's not a shortcut. Hiring a coach does not shortcut the process.

00:15:53.500 It just illuminates the path a little bit better, but you still got to walk it. You still got to go

00:15:58.180 through it. So it will be quicker, although it's not a shortcut. Yeah. And we've mentioned this in

00:16:03.800 the past, but there is putting meat into the game when we pay for things as well. There's a major

00:16:10.080 difference between someone that asks for advice and have, has no investment in paying a sum of money

00:16:18.440 or whatever versus an individual that is putting a meat into the game and saying, okay, I'm, I'm paying

00:16:25.200 Ryan this amount of money for like, I'm going to listen differently than if it's a free service.

00:16:30.580 And, and part of that's a benefit to you to ensure that you're not wasting your time, providing

00:16:35.220 advice and guidance to someone that is not willing to even sacrifice and, and you know what I mean?

00:16:41.480 Put some, uh, assets or money into the game to ensure that like, it's important enough for them.

00:16:47.040 Otherwise everyone would just ping you constantly, right? It wouldn't be valuable at all.

00:16:51.140 That's one of the benefits that we get from consulting is I get to go into a company and

00:16:55.520 provide guidance and direction from consulting perspective. And they listen to me. Why?

00:16:59.680 Cause they're paying a lot of money for me to be there. So they listen and they do exactly what I

00:17:04.360 say. Yeah. Yeah. The skin in the game is very, very important. Um, it's just going to, it's just

00:17:10.260 going to fast track your, your results. So yeah, completely appropriate. Hunter Carpentry,

00:17:15.960 two good books to read this month, two good books, sovereignty, the battle for the hearts and minds of

00:17:20.760 men. A lot of momentum around sovereignty lately. Yeah. I've kind of picked up. I mean, frankly,

00:17:25.580 I was a little jaded with the, um, the whole writing process. Like I just didn't enjoy that

00:17:31.900 process. And so it put a little bad taste in my mouth and I was like, and you know, now a couple

00:17:37.600 of years into it, I'm looking at it and I, and I get testimonials and feedback from people that it's

00:17:42.560 helped and served. I'm like, all right. Yeah, that was rough, but yeah, there's, this is valuable

00:17:47.880 to people. So yeah, we, we made a bunch of books on, uh, online available for signed copies,

00:17:53.220 which is no longer available. We sold those the first run. We did a hundred books and we sold

00:17:57.040 them within like three hours. The second one, we did 200 books and we sold those within like four

00:18:01.000 hours. It was crazy. So that's, that's one sovereignty, the battle for the hearts and minds

00:18:04.800 of men, uh, very, very applicable to this day and age. Um, and then I would say, man, there's so many,

00:18:12.020 uh, one of the ones that I just read is Savage Son by Jack Carr. In fact, the interview I did

00:18:19.540 yesterday, uh, well, if you're listening to this live, it's the interview that came out today.

00:18:25.560 If you're listening to this recording on the podcast, it's the interview that came out yesterday.

00:18:29.520 You guys can figure it out. It came out on Tuesday. What is it? April 14th.

00:18:34.480 There you go. Uh, Savage Son by Jack Carr. That's a good read. It's part of the J the third

00:18:39.200 installment of the James Reese series fiction book, which I don't read a whole lot of fiction.

00:18:43.120 So there's my fiction recommendation for you. Savage Son by Jack Carr. Yeah. Copy. And I was

00:18:49.660 going to say, it's got to feel good every so often. Like, uh, yesterday I was, I use Amazon for my

00:18:55.680 bookmark, my book list. Oh yeah. I don't know. I use my shopping lists and Amazon to like,

00:19:00.880 Oh, I need to order that book. I can't count how many times that I'm like, I grab a book in my book

00:19:06.220 list. And one of the related recommendations is sovereignty. I was like, Oh, I feel like taking

00:19:11.200 the screenshots and it's, I'm like, that's cool. They know Amazon knows. Yeah. What it's got to

00:19:16.600 feel good to see like, uh, uh, Bishop, John Gary, Bishop, Jocko sovereignty. You know what I mean?

00:19:25.060 I'm like, Oh man, like that's a good lineup right there. Like that's pretty awesome.

00:19:29.060 I think though, those recommendations say more about you than they do about me. Right. Like these

00:19:33.840 is it based upon my searches? Yeah, for sure. Cause if it was my wife, it would be,

00:19:38.740 I don't know, whatever she reads. I don't even know what she reads. Somebody asked,

00:19:41.640 what didn't somebody ask the other day about like book recommendations for women? I'm like, 0.94

00:19:44.780 I have no idea. I don't know. So yeah, yeah. She'd have a completely different. And my book would

00:19:50.940 not be on my wife's recommendation list. I can guarantee you that. That's funny. Yeah. Amazon must

00:19:56.820 not know. I give you a really low rating. That's weird. Yeah. Or maybe they knew you messed up and

00:20:01.140 we're like, let's give them another chance to get this thing. Right. Yeah. That can't be correct.

00:20:05.140 That is not correct. According to the rest of the feedback that we've received.

00:20:10.200 Oh man. I have to bust your balls. All right. Scott's Hortmeyer. What is one thing you are

00:20:15.260 looking to execute on that is well outside your normal comfort zone, personal development or

00:20:20.620 fitness, fitness related out of your comfort zone? Yeah. I mean, right now I've really been focused

00:20:26.520 on body fat percentage, which is hard because I love chips and salsa and ice cream. Like let's just,

00:20:32.060 let's just be real. If there's a bag of chips and salsa, I will eat the entire bag in one sitting. No

00:20:36.660 problem easily. So it's been hard, especially late at night. Like I'm like, Oh, I just want a snack. I

00:20:42.440 want to eat. So I've been doing the 75 hard program with Andy for Silla for, uh, this is, this is day

00:20:48.140 eight and man, I'm down body fat percentage weight. Like things, things feel good. I feel good. I have

00:20:54.940 focus and clarity and yeah, I'm hungry at times, but yeah, it's been fine. So that that's pushed me

00:20:59.960 outside of my comfort zone. And that's two workouts a day, two workouts a day, two 45 minute workouts

00:21:04.520 per day. One of them has to be outside. That actually has been kind of tough because it's

00:21:09.180 fun. Well, it's fun, but it's also miserable. Like yesterday I went and walked cause I was doing a team

00:21:14.920 leader calls for the iron council. So I was on calls for two hours straight. Uh, and I took those

00:21:19.700 calls outside, but it was raining. So I came back in and I was drenched all layers from head to toe,

00:21:26.080 but at the same time, so it's kind of miserable, but at the same time, it's kind of fun, you know,

00:21:29.640 walking around in the rain and making your calls and being productive and in a lot of different ways.

00:21:34.240 That's been good. Uh, personally, you know, I'm working on some, some bar, the barn renovation

00:21:40.500 right now. That's not pushing outside of my comfort zone necessarily. It's just a lot of work.

00:21:44.820 Uh, I am going to start picking up the guitar again. That's something I did a little bit,

00:21:48.120 uh, a while back. You remember that? And then I stopped and, and then last night I picked it up

00:21:52.960 again. So the dance, that's right. So probably pick up the guitar again.

00:22:00.040 Yeah. That's where we're at right now. Actually. Uh, here's, here's another thing. Origin wants to

00:22:05.600 record a video and they want to have me in the video, like acting in the video. And I'm like,

00:22:11.360 Oh, that doesn't sound good at all. So I said, yeah, I'll do it. And they're doing it this

00:22:17.520 afternoon in fact. And like, I'm kind of, I'm excited about it cause it'll be fun. And I like

00:22:21.320 hanging out with the origin crew anyways. At the same time, I'm like, Oh, I used to make fun of

00:22:27.000 the actors in high school. What do I, what do I do with my hands? Right. Exactly. So we'll see,

00:22:33.260 we'll see how that goes. Yeah. I I've done that once before and I, I just felt completely awkward

00:22:39.980 the whole time. I'm like, so do I not like who to, where'd I look? And they're just be yourself.

00:22:43.900 I'm like, I can't do that. You're putting a camera on me. Right. I even felt that way.

00:22:48.420 Originally. I remember when you're like, Hey, record podcasts. And then one morning you're like,

00:22:52.880 all right, we're going to do video. I'm like, well, hold on. What do I got on? I got to put my

00:22:57.480 clothes on. I have to put pants on. I remember how afraid you were when you had to do that solo,

00:23:04.380 the solo episode for the first time, you know? I mean, you did awesome, but you're like, Oh,

00:23:08.520 I have to do this for myself. It's awkward. I didn't realize how tough they were. It just felt so

00:23:12.780 awkward talking to myself and knowing that I'm recording and I could just hit stop and start

00:23:18.080 over if I want. Yeah. That's like, that was probably the hardest part. That's why this live

00:23:22.020 is good because like, there's no, there's a 20 second delay. There's a 20 second delay. So if

00:23:27.220 you say something or I say something completely outrageous, we have like 19 seconds to shut this

00:23:33.100 thing down. Yeah. Uh, what else? Uh, cross 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8. Good username there. Uh, what

00:23:44.340 steps remind me of like your, your, your first Yahoo or AOL email address, you know, that, that you had

00:23:52.160 when you were a kid. And then these people still have it 30 years later and they're trying to get

00:23:56.020 like apply for the CEO position and it's like monster balls, 37. Yeah. Monster balls at MSN.com.

00:24:10.260 Well, I have, I have hotmail and whenever I give someone my hotmail one, if I give you my hotmail,

00:24:15.280 it's because I'm, I'm suspecting that you're going to spam me second. They're like, Ooh,

00:24:20.820 you have a hotmail account. I'm like, yes. And it's M A I L not M A L E. Yes. Clarify. Clarify.

00:24:27.920 You got to be careful. That other one, my wife still uses her Yahoo account. I'm like, Yahoo,

00:24:32.640 really? And she's like, yeah. I'm like, Oh, well, whatever. Yeah. Well, that's why I don't do like,

00:24:38.400 uh, what's the, um, uh, the fantasy football. My guys in the office are like, Hey, you sign up for

00:24:44.940 fantasy football. I'm like, yeah, what's the URL. I've never do this. I go log in and it's like,

00:24:49.080 you have to have a Yahoo account. Hold on. Stop. I'm going to make a Yahoo account. I'm like,

00:24:55.180 I'm not doing it. And I just backed out. Cause I'm like, I do not want another email that I'm

00:24:59.680 never going to use for fantasy football is fun. I've done it. I've did. I did it for a couple of

00:25:04.000 years. Uh, when professional sporting outings and things were a thing, they're apparently not

00:25:10.040 anymore. Um, but, uh, yeah, I haven't done it for a while. I don't know. And I don't follow football

00:25:16.720 enough to like be good, which actually might be good. Like maybe it would just be good just like

00:25:20.380 to screw with everybody in the league and just like do random dumb things in the league just to

00:25:24.680 mess with everybody. Yeah. I went with the default and it gave me like the worst team possible. And

00:25:29.080 I don't know what I'm doing. All right. All right. Let's get you guys some valuable stuff here other

00:25:34.560 than Kip's opinion about Yahoo accounts. All right. What steps do you take to overcome the sudden anxiety

00:25:40.120 of the overwhelming feeling of responsibility falling on your shoulders? I really love this question,

00:25:45.960 by the way, like as a man, so many things are expected of us, such as being a teacher, a protector,

00:25:51.300 a trainer, the best father, a great example of a leader in our family and in Christ and in the

00:25:55.960 community. But you always have the falling short feeling or just like the job that you've done as

00:26:02.260 a semi sufficient. So just leave it, but you kind of have that feeling, uh, deep down that you're

00:26:09.180 failing. It may be just me, but if you're experienced this, what are the best steps, uh, you have taken

00:26:15.140 to overcome it? Or if not, let's just theoretically say you have had to deal with this. And what advice

00:26:21.600 do you have? So generally I think people fall into one of two camps. Like there's this spectrum of

00:26:27.980 thoughtfulness and action. And in order to be a healthy, mature individual, you should probably fall

00:26:35.640 somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, right? You're thoughtful, meaning you're caring, kind,

00:26:41.100 empathetic, self-aware, and then you're also willing to produce, take action, drive forward,

00:26:46.160 take risks and willing to look foolish and put yourself out there. And so a healthy, mature

00:26:51.540 response to this spectrum is to find the balance, right? Find the middle ground. And sometimes it's

00:26:57.520 going to, it's going to vary. It's going to sway from side to side, depending on your situation and

00:27:01.040 what you might be dealing with. Um, it seems to me like this, this individual is taking it to an

00:27:07.740 unhealthy level of thinking. He's overanalyzing and overthinking to the point where now he's just

00:27:14.180 got in his own head and he's getting in his own way. So somebody who, where it's affecting action,

00:27:19.900 it's affecting action, right? It's affecting his ability to perform. It's, which is ironic because

00:27:24.720 that's what he's concerned with. Hey, I'm concerned with these responsibilities. I want to perform.

00:27:29.000 And so I'm going to think about it so much. And now it's hindering performance. So it's actually

00:27:33.640 producing the exact opposite of the concern that you have. You've gotten in your own way. There's a,

00:27:39.140 uh, there's a phenomenon that happens with human beings called cognitive distortions.

00:27:43.400 And we take things out of context and we blow them out of proportion. And we just do some very,

00:27:47.960 very strange things with our minds that end up hindering our ability to drive forward and take

00:27:53.120 action. That's where it sounds like without any context where this individual has fallen.

00:27:57.080 So the answer to that is action. You can't think your way out of this thing.

00:28:01.860 Yeah. That that's part of the problem. You're what, what's probably happening is you've caught

00:28:06.200 yourself in this perpetual cycle of thoughtfulness, right? So think about it. Oh, I feel bad about it.

00:28:11.340 Oh, now I feel bad about feeling bad about it. Maybe I should do something. I don't know what to do.

00:28:16.600 So then I'm guilty now about knowing I should be doing something, but I'm not willing to do it.

00:28:21.340 And you've just created potentially this snowball of something that should be healthy, which is

00:28:27.660 thoughtfulness. You've just taken it to the extreme. So the answer, the solution is to

00:28:31.740 stop thinking about it. And, and, and maybe you have to document, you know, you get a piece of

00:28:36.740 paper out and you write down all of your responsibilities and all of your tasks and

00:28:41.980 everything that you have to do. And this is what I do every day. You know, I write down my tasks and

00:28:45.500 the things I want to accomplish. And then you pick the easiest one on the list. You need to get some

00:28:53.020 momentum towards action. You need to start moving from this side of the spectrum to the action side of

00:28:58.340 the spectrum. Okay. So, so now when you take action on the easiest thing on the list, maybe

00:29:03.460 the easiest thing is I got to do 10 pushups because I want to be physically strong and I want to be

00:29:10.180 capable. So easy 10 pushups, everybody could do 10 pushups right now, right? Now you get the ball

00:29:15.880 rolling tomorrow. You're like, cool. I did 10 pushups. I feel good about that. And you should feel good

00:29:19.840 about that. You moved, you took action tomorrow. You give yourself some optimism and hope because you did

00:29:25.380 it yesterday. So you can surely do it today, but today you can do 11 or 15 or 20, right? So you

00:29:30.880 start building up these small wins in this momentum that will carry you into, into, into action. And

00:29:37.420 therefore the results that you produce, this is how you get yourself off that, that, that negative

00:29:41.840 spectrum. The same thing happens with action takers. And this is where I default to, I default to action

00:29:48.620 so much so that I'm not as thoughtful as I should be in a lot of cases. And then what ends up happening

00:29:54.560 is I leave a wake of collateral damage in the path. You know, I'm like, we've got to be hyper

00:29:59.980 efficient. We've got to be hyper action. We've got to get these things done. And then I forget,

00:30:04.260 oh, we're just flying kites with my kids. You know, like this is supposed to be fun and enjoyable,

00:30:11.240 not get the kite up there as fast as you can. And like, let's have kite wars. And like, that's not

00:30:16.060 what this is. Right. So there's men who naturally gravitate towards that side. Those men, myself included

00:30:23.800 in this need to pull it back. How can I be more thoughtful? What is, what is it? What's the

00:30:30.220 underlying thing that I'm doing here? Like, why am I doing this? What's the purpose of doing this?

00:30:35.040 How best can I impact other people? How will the way that I'm driving and carrying on with myself

00:30:40.320 affect the way other people respond and the way they live their life? I tend to need to be more

00:30:45.560 thoughtful. And those who naturally gravitate towards being more thoughtful need to be more action

00:30:51.080 oriented. Yeah. And I'm the other spectrum of you. Which is good. Right. Right. Which is good.

00:30:58.160 Analyze. Yeah. Overthink. I listened to an interview with an ex Navy SEAL now. He's retired now. Chad

00:31:04.660 Wright. And he was saying that during spuds, like during hell week, there's, they do a run that's

00:31:10.920 only like a couple miles, but guys don't know that it's a couple miles. And the not knowing it's a

00:31:18.380 couple miles. They actually, he was saying that that's when most guys are dropping out on this

00:31:21.940 run. Yes. Cause they're anticipating that they're like, how long is this hell going to last? And

00:31:28.100 they're like, it's never going to end. And they all quit when reality, if the instructor just told

00:31:33.580 them like, Hey, it's only a mile run, then we deal with it. Right. And they say this all the time.

00:31:38.000 It's like, it's a lot of those guys that get into the SEALs teams. It's like, it's because they look

00:31:42.560 at the whole process and go, I can't do it. It's too difficult, but it's the guys that focus in and

00:31:48.760 say, okay, I got a task right now. And I'm doing this task right now. I'm not going to even look

00:31:53.220 beyond and I'm not going to psych myself out. And I even like, I even have this sense of this. I

00:31:59.940 don't know about you, Ryan, but I even sense this on workouts. Like if I have a workout regimen,

00:32:03.920 I look at as a whole that changes my ability to show up in the gym. I'm like, Oh, and I'll kind of

00:32:09.940 like drag my feet a little bit. Right. But when I think, Hey, I'm just going to show up

00:32:14.240 exercise number one. All right, do it. And I just do, but exercise. But if I look at as a whole,

00:32:20.820 I have a tendency to just really psych myself out and make it worse than it really is just

00:32:24.620 in my mind before I even start. Yeah. That Navy SEAL example is a prime example of a cognitive

00:32:31.240 distortion. We, we jumped to worst case scenario. How bad is this going to be? And we dwell on that to

00:32:37.740 the point where we, we make ourselves our own worst enemy. You know, I even do the same thing

00:32:43.740 in the gym. Like if I have a hundred reps of something like last night, I did, uh, a hundred

00:32:49.640 bros with a center mass bell. I did 200 pushups and I did 300 air squats. And like, I didn't do 300 0.90

00:32:56.900 in a row. I did 10 rounds of 10 rows at a time, 20 pushups, 30 air squats, 10 times. So I even break

00:33:06.060 it down. Like if you can break it down into the lowest common number, cause anybody can

00:33:10.080 do 10 pushups. Anybody can do 30 air squats. Anybody can do 10 rows, 200, 100, 300, a little

00:33:17.200 more daunting. Anybody could probably do that as well, but you break it down into simple,

00:33:21.520 uh, methods and simple units. You're much more likely to get it done.

00:33:24.920 Yeah. Well, I'm working on my daughter's, she has a little motorcycle. She's been harassing 1.00

00:33:28.160 me about it and I've been blowing her off. Unfortunately, about getting it fixed. Part of it is why

00:33:32.440 I don't know what's wrong with it. It could be the battery could be the stupid little

00:33:36.360 starter. It could be the ignition. It could be the relay. Like, I don't even know what's

00:33:40.180 wrong with it. Right. And I look at it from that perspective. I'm just like, ah, right.

00:33:44.520 Daunting. Yeah. And then finally I just went out there and says, I'm just going to check

00:33:48.520 if it's the battery. That's it. That's all you need to do. And then I'm like, okay, it's

00:33:53.500 not the battery. All right. Is it the relay? Let's check the relay. Right. And it's like, man,

00:33:58.440 it's so silly that just the unknown, what we create, right? The kind of meaning that

00:34:03.620 we can create of like how complex something is when really it's not that big of a deal

00:34:07.120 if we just start acting at least for me anyway. Yeah, me too. Likewise. All right. Match,

00:34:13.940 match you hugs. What's your best advice for ways to teach your son that adversity is part

00:34:20.260 of life and also that the key is getting better? I think he has to see you doing it, right?

00:34:27.800 If you're never putting yourself in difficult situations, uh, even, even getting your ass

00:34:31.900 kicked a little bit too, right? Like if you're not, if you're not willing to get your butt 0.74

00:34:35.800 handed to you, he's not going to, he's not going to be willing to do that. Like he has

00:34:41.040 to see dad get the floor mop, you know, mop the floor with, with dad, like somebody like

00:34:46.280 really take it to dad. Right. And then to see dad get back up and he's like, oh, it's not

00:34:53.660 as bad as maybe I thought it was. So I think seeing it from you is, is going to be very,

00:34:59.120 very valuable. Uh, and then I think you've got to connect the dots too, right? So a lot

00:35:03.460 of the times I think we, as human beings, it's natural that we just look at pain as pain.

00:35:08.360 That's it. Like there's no reward to pain. It's just painful because we're more focused

00:35:11.640 on the here and now than the potential benefit of the pain that we're experiencing. So if all

00:35:17.420 they ever experience is pain and you never reward them or make it fun or enjoyable, or

00:35:22.480 let them see the positive benefits of the pain that they are experiencing, then they're never

00:35:27.820 going to connect the two. And so what naturally they're going to do is they're going to stay

00:35:32.780 away from pain and only move towards things that are pleasurable in the here and now.

00:35:37.480 And the things that are pleasurable in the here and now don't always, and in a lot of cases

00:35:42.120 don't typically serve as best. Like it would be great just to get wasted this afternoon

00:35:46.260 and completely drunk. And that would actually feel really good in the here and now. I would

00:35:51.760 like to do that, but I not going to do that because I have podcasts to do, and I know how

00:35:56.620 it's going to affect the way I show up for those podcasts and my ability to work and the things that

00:36:02.000 I'm going to do with my family later this evening. So I'm willing to forgo a little bit

00:36:07.320 of temporary satisfaction in order to yield a result down the road. Now you as an adult can make

00:36:14.680 that connection because you've seen it over and over and time and time again, but children haven't

00:36:19.260 put all those synapses together, right? They haven't forged those paths or, or, or solidified

00:36:24.920 the paths. That's your job. So if your kid's doing something difficult, then I think it should be fun

00:36:30.240 and rewarding and you should find some sort of reward or compensation or value, and then let him

00:36:35.140 know and him and her, both your daughter and son to, Hey, remember when you did all this painful

00:36:41.260 stuff and how hard it was and how much you sweat and how much, how much you didn't like

00:36:45.960 it. But now look, look at what this produced. And the opposite of this is you can't give kids

00:36:52.660 things they didn't earn because if you give the kids things they didn't earn, then they

00:36:59.240 also can't make the connection between effort and result. They think just like these, like

00:37:04.880 manna from heaven, right? Like things just show up and it's just like comes into your life

00:37:09.220 and it's magical and I don't have to do anything. And it just shows up. And then they get into

00:37:12.780 real life and they get their asses handed to them because people aren't just like bending 0.57

00:37:17.120 over and giving them everything they possibly can. So don't give them things they don't earn,

00:37:23.520 uh, including birthday presents. I'm just kidding by the way. Like, okay. He didn't earn this. He

00:37:29.980 didn't earn this, that little punk. Uh, and, and make sure that you're connecting the dots

00:37:35.880 between pain, suffering, temporary here and now pain and suffering with reward, satisfaction,

00:37:42.420 fulfillment in the future. Yeah. I want to point out the obvious. We're talking about

00:37:47.200 delayed gratification and by default, this does not show up in life. Like look at the world in

00:37:54.800 which we live in. We hop in a drive-through, we get the food. You don't like your car. You trade it in.

00:37:59.380 You don't like your marriage. It's too difficult. You get a divorce. Like everything is not about

00:38:04.580 delayed gratification. Everything is immediate gratification. So look for the opportunities

00:38:10.100 to really fight this. And, and I would even suggest, and not me, actually, this is someone

00:38:14.460 else suggesting this and I'm just regurgitating this information, but look at ADHD and see how

00:38:20.720 that correlates to delayed gratification. I can't pay attention. I am fidgety. Why? Because I've spent my

00:38:26.540 entire life constantly receiving stimulus over and over without any effort. I got a dopamine dump for doing

00:38:33.760 nothing, right? Oh, I have to work all day in the backyard to actually stand there and then feel

00:38:41.700 dopamine and feel good that like, whoa, I actually feel good about working all day, but guess what?

00:38:47.380 It takes all day, right? So we need to look for those opportunities of like, where can we delay

00:38:52.960 gratification and let kids experience that there's some effort and then I get some benefit versus just

00:39:00.600 instant benefit because the world's going to give them that just naturally out of the box.

00:39:05.140 Right. I mean, this is the blessing and curse of modernity is the fact that everything, like think

00:39:12.580 about this 200 years ago, 500 years ago, a thousand years ago, like we had to worry about the here and

00:39:18.080 now because it's like, if I don't get food right now, I'm going to die. If I don't find shelter right

00:39:23.100 now, I'm going to freeze to death. If I don't build a fire, like it's over. We don't have those pains

00:39:28.760 anymore, right? Like you're not, you're not going to have to fight for your life. You're not going

00:39:33.300 to have some sort of natural disaster. That's probably going to kill you. There's no predator

00:39:38.280 that's hunting you down and wants to eat your flesh and lick, lick the meat off your bones. Like 0.56

00:39:43.720 that's not happening. So we don't need to be like the same, the same way that we were in that,

00:39:52.420 like everything has to happen here. And now, like we've created an environment where we can

00:39:57.140 exhibit some sort of this delayed gratification and sacrifice now so that we can have more down

00:40:03.900 the road. Yeah. That's, it's so weird. And one thing that you brought up earlier about is,

00:40:09.400 you know, letting your kids see you fell. I struggled with let my kids watch me do jujitsu

00:40:14.840 tournaments back in the day because I was like, Oh man, I'm going to get my, my ass handed to me.

00:40:19.580 I'm going to get beat up. And, and, um, and to be honest with you, why didn't I? Cause my ego,

00:40:24.680 right. I didn't want your kids to see that. Yeah. I didn't want to, yeah. I didn't want to get beat

00:40:28.760 up and, and, and how my kids not look up to me. Right. And not think I'm amazing. And in fact,

00:40:35.060 their first few tournaments, I remember when my son, he, he, he was crying. I'm getting beat up.

00:40:41.080 Right. And I'm getting choked out and he's like crying. You know what I mean? I was like, Oh,

00:40:46.220 this adds worse. But, but to your point, it's like, and then he saw me get up and then

00:40:51.580 bust yourself off again. Right. Yeah. And, and that, let's be honest. What's more valuable.

00:40:57.380 You conquer and destroy and think you're perfect or to actually see, allow him. So you fell

00:41:03.960 struggle and get back up, which one's more valuable than the latter is it just, it's hard

00:41:09.200 on the ego a little bit. A lot bit for sure. A lot bit. Yeah. A little tough. Yeah. All right.

00:41:15.440 Uh, Alex Valerio, ever going to do a meetup in New Jersey? No.

00:41:24.740 Or New York? Not now. Yeah. Uh, good job guys. Maybe, you know, maybe that's the answer. Maybe,

00:41:33.860 you know, I, I envision a time where we start to facilitate other men getting together and doing

00:41:38.560 order of man sanctioned events and meetups on their own. So will I do one? No. I mean, just

00:41:44.500 New Jersey, Maine, like what's that three hours, four hours on a, maybe like three hours on a flight.

00:41:50.860 You know, it's like, come up here, come to one of our main events, come to a legacy,

00:41:54.500 come to an uprising. If you really want to wait for a meetup, then you wait for a meetup or just

00:41:59.880 start one. Yeah. We need to do another, a dude. Nashville was so fun. Yeah. I don't know.

00:42:06.280 Well, we were supposed to do one. I love the main event in May, but that's been postponed. You know,

00:42:11.600 we had a hundred guys coming out here and we postponed that till the fall. So it is coming up.

00:42:15.840 Yeah. It's crazy, man. I'm wondering how this all pans out. All right. John Porter 91. How do you

00:42:21.900 balance telling men the truth while at the same time being graceful and not coming across like a huge

00:42:27.280 jerk? I think it comes down to your motive. Like if you're, if you're talking at people in order to

00:42:35.200 prop yourself up, then your motives are, are wrong. And the foundation by which you're communicating

00:42:42.100 are inferior to the motive of striving to serve. Right. Yeah. So you can be firm. You can be

00:42:50.720 resolute. You can call people. Also, you should know your place. Like offering solicited, unsolicited

00:42:56.960 feedback is, is rarely appreciated. And frankly, it's not even your job or position to do it.

00:43:02.660 So you have to be careful offering unsolicited advice. I would highly encourage against that,

00:43:07.600 but do what you want. But assuming that you're in a position where it's your responsibility.

00:43:12.020 What is it? Are you more worried about yourself or are you more worried about that individual?

00:43:16.180 Cause if you're worried about that individual, you can come across as hard lined and take a strong

00:43:21.280 stance and even get in their face a little bit and they will respect and appreciate that. I had a brief

00:43:26.620 interaction with my high school baseball coach on, on social media the other day. And, uh,

00:43:31.560 he's still coaching high school baseball and, and yeah, Oh, totally. And I remember thinking about

00:43:37.920 conversations and huddles that we'd have together and lessons that he would teach us on the baseball

00:43:44.120 field and football field. And I remember him being very stern. I actually remember, I remember the look

00:43:53.580 on his face when he was disappointed. And you could tell like when he was disappointed, he had this look

00:43:58.100 of like disappointment, disgust. You're like, it really cut through you. Just the face, just his

00:44:02.780 expression. But I never doubted his care for us. Like there wasn't ever one time where I was like,

00:44:09.580 Oh man, he hates us or he doesn't like us. Or it was always like, no, he, he sees the best in us.

00:44:15.140 He wants to win. So he was able to be tough because the motive was, was right. And it was,

00:44:21.080 it was good. It was a superior motive. And you feel that you, you knew he cared for you because

00:44:27.260 he probably reflected when criticizing and made sure that it was coming from a place of

00:44:33.160 correction. You know what I mean? Like, what was it specific that allowed you to know that he cared?

00:44:38.460 I actually like the word. Yeah. I like the word that you use, which is correction.

00:44:42.700 Yeah. Cause if people are, again, if their motive is pure and people are correcting,

00:44:47.320 that means they care. Yeah. People who don't care, they don't correct. They criticize.

00:44:53.960 There's a difference, right? You're doing it wrong. You suck. Everything about your message

00:44:58.520 is wrong. Everything. What you're doing is, is moronic and idiotic. That's criticism,

00:45:03.360 right? Correction is, Hey, and I've had people say this, Hey Ryan, I noticed, um, you know,

00:45:10.120 on the podcast, the, uh, the audio quality the other day wasn't to par. It wasn't what it usually

00:45:14.960 is. And I found that if you do X, Y, and Z, it sometimes cleans that up. I actually had a guy

00:45:19.660 reach out to me the other day and he said, Hey, uh, I noticed on the last two podcasts that the,

00:45:24.380 the outro music, the music at the end of the podcast was cutting out. And I don't know if

00:45:28.700 you're aware of that or not, but I just wanted to tell you because you may just want to look at it.

00:45:33.120 Correction, not criticism. I mean, yeah, he found something that was wrong, but he offered

00:45:38.280 a solution to it. And that's a, that's a, one of the ways that you can know whether somebody

00:45:42.980 really has your best interest at heart and your coach, because he was true with his intent,

00:45:49.680 his actions reflected caring. But, but you're saying if ego is in there, he may have talked to

00:45:55.980 you differently. If ego was involved, if criticism was involved and thus you would have picked up at

00:46:01.480 that just naturally. Cause his, his attitude would have been more like, you guys are miserable. I

00:46:05.480 can't believe how horrible you are. Call you guys names or whatever. I wish I was, I don't want to be

00:46:09.620 your coach. I mean, I, I wish I had a team like that. I wish those guys were my, cause they're

00:46:13.920 better than you guys. It's all just, and all it, all it does is designed to do, whether it's

00:46:19.460 intentional or not is to lift and prop up that individual. I, I actually, if you don't mind me

00:46:26.000 sharing an example of this very thing and it's, I was at work team meeting yesterday owner. Um,

00:46:34.140 we communicated some, some changes for the, for the team of how we're going to do something

00:46:38.520 and someone changed something and they communicated out. And I, in my mind, I was immediately like,

00:46:43.980 yeah, that's a dumb idea. We shouldn't be doing it that way. Hopefully they don't lose.

00:46:47.060 I can't, it was a joke. So who is it? What's her name? I'm just kidding.

00:46:50.700 Nothing. Um, but, but anyhow, they're like, yeah, we're going to do this. And I, in my mind,

00:46:56.900 I was like, yeah, no, that's a bad idea. Uh, this is all the reasons why blah, blah, blah. Right.

00:47:01.320 And, and then I reached out to leadership team and, and started writing that message of, Hey,

00:47:07.660 um, I, I think we're doing, I, what I originally wrote was like, I think we're doing this wrong.

00:47:12.280 And this is why blah, blah, blah. And I paused and I thought, okay, what's my motive here.

00:47:19.140 And my motive actually was to look good. There was a little bit of looking good. They're like, Oh,

00:47:24.580 I know what's right. And this is what should be right. So that way they all know.

00:47:30.200 Right. And I paused for a second. I thought, no, actually. Yeah. I was probably myself,

00:47:35.200 but it was like, it was hidden in there. Right. Like it was difficult by default. I could have

00:47:41.000 easily went with this is because I'm right. And this is what's best for the company,

00:47:45.840 but there is some propping happening. And so I removed that message and I retyped and said,

00:47:51.180 help me understand this adjustment more so I can get behind it and make sure that I'm committed to it.

00:47:57.400 And I left it as that I'd even suggest why or what I think might be wrong. Why? Because that's

00:48:04.000 the part of that conversation, which was about me looking good. So then I just left it as help me

00:48:09.580 understand more so I can, so I can back and be committed to this for the team. Right. And I left

00:48:14.480 it as that. And it was a hard bill as well, a little bit, because I was like, Oh, I want to tell

00:48:17.960 them why and, and why my idea or whatever kind of deep down inside. And I thought, no, that's not the

00:48:22.680 intention. Right. And so I had to make that adjustment. One of my fears in you saying that

00:48:26.860 though, is that people will believe that, that you can't look good and also be humble at the same

00:48:35.120 time. You know what I mean? Like that in order for me to be humble, I have to throw myself under

00:48:39.480 the bus. No, not at all. And, and, and just because you might look good doesn't mean that you're being

00:48:45.080 overly braggadocious or asserting yourself too much and leaving that collateral damage in your path.

00:48:49.840 That's not what I'm saying at all. I think they're just, they're, they might be correlated,

00:48:53.400 but they're not directly related. Like you can, your, your response actually makes you look good,

00:49:00.120 but that isn't the motive. The motive is I want to understand. I want the team to win. I want all of

00:49:06.880 us to thrive. And then whatever happens, the result of it, by the way that people perceive me,

00:49:12.520 the result is the result, but my motive is to help the team win. Yeah, totally. I think sometimes we

00:49:19.020 just put like, it's almost like putting the cart before the horse, right? We, we, we want to look

00:49:22.900 good. And so we reverse engineer. Okay. What can I say or do that would help me look good?

00:49:27.340 Yeah. Or help me be the result. Exactly. Yeah. All right. Uh, Cody Riedinger. What hunts do you

00:49:36.740 have planned this year? A main mountain warrior on the list, a main mountain warrior. I don't know.

00:49:42.020 That sounds cool. I don't know. I want to be a main, I want to go to that, whatever that is.

00:49:47.220 I want to go to that. If you're telling me, I'm like, that's cool too. Show up. Yeah. What is it?

00:49:52.780 Main mountain warrior? Main mountain warrior. Yeah. That's awesome. There you go. That that's

00:49:58.160 going to happen this fall. So be on the lookout for that. Yeah. Uh, hunts that I have planned. Uh,

00:50:04.440 I've got a turkey hunt here on our property in the next month and I've got a white tail hunt in

00:50:10.180 Minnesota planned for the fall. Cool. Can you bait Turkey on your property? Uh, on that hunt? 0.95

00:50:15.460 Can you do that? Uh, I actually don't know. I actually don't know. I don't know. Okay.

00:50:22.880 Cause you know how like, like bears, you can do that on a bear hunt. You can bait bear. Yeah. You

00:50:28.960 can, you can't bait deer during hunting season, but you can do it outside of hunting season.

00:50:34.000 Yeah. To kind of create traffic for later. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but I actually don't know on Turkey,

00:50:39.780 if you can do it. I imagine you could do it before Turkey season before the opener,

00:50:44.340 but I don't know if you can do it after. That's a good question. We're, I know kind of where they

00:50:48.300 bed and where they spend time and we'll go out there and we'll call it. They're on your property.

00:50:51.880 They're on the property. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. That's cool. I love that.

00:50:56.840 All right. Tech tool toys, how to go from working labor hours as a bartender to creating income that 0.96

00:51:03.960 isn't limited to hours on the clock. And maybe we just generalize this right about maybe even the

00:51:10.660 value of the exact exchange of work for time for money versus, you know, passive income.

00:51:18.960 Yeah. I mean, Robert Kiyosaki talks a lot about this in his book. I think it came out probably 20

00:51:23.540 years ago, rich dad, poor dad, where he talked about Nintendo days. That's right. Yeah. I think that

00:51:29.120 was a little after Nintendo days, but okay. That was like PlayStation days, maybe like PS,

00:51:34.020 PS, Comcast or not Comcast, Dreamcast days. I don't even know what that is. Yeah. What is Dreamcast?

00:51:41.100 I'm, I was going to assume I'm a nerd. It was like another console. We already know that. We already

00:51:45.780 know. It was another console that before it was actually pretty amazing before PlayStation,

00:51:51.080 I believe Dreamcast was. Yeah. Sounds lame. It wasn't as popular. It sounds lame. It sounds like

00:51:56.100 only something nerds would play. Certainly doesn't sound like mountain warrior man or whatever.

00:52:01.920 Jeez. What was the question? Oh, passive income. Okay. So Robert Kiyosaki talked a lot about this.

00:52:09.080 You know, most people are employed, meaning they're trading time for money. I go in and I do my work,

00:52:14.800 whatever that stated work is, and you pay me $50 or a hundred dollars or whatever per hour of work

00:52:20.480 that I do. So that's an employment thing, but a lot of self-employed individuals do it too,

00:52:24.280 right? Like CPAs, for example, or even attorneys is a great example.

00:52:28.240 I did. Consulting. Consulting. When you're independent consultant, it's like my time for

00:52:31.620 money. That's right. There's no difference. Your employer is your client, right? Because you have an

00:52:36.960 agreement with your, with your client that says, okay, I'm going to do this work for you and you're

00:52:40.600 going to pay me a hundred dollars an hour or whatever it is, right? Whatever that, that terms,

00:52:44.680 those terms are. So, so it doesn't matter if you're employed or self-employed,

00:52:49.840 you're just trading time for dollars. Now you have passive income where it's happening regardless

00:52:55.900 of what you're doing. What one way of doing this is instead of being a CPA, maybe now you own the

00:53:02.180 firm. And so you have five CPAs and they're trading time for money, but you're not right now. You can go

00:53:08.340 out and do your thing. And that money is coming in. Another way is your investments could be real

00:53:14.420 estate, could be the stock market, other speculative investments where you put your

00:53:19.320 money to work. And while you're over here doing other things, your money is working and it's earning

00:53:24.460 returns and yielding those returns to you passively while you're not actively engaged in exchange of

00:53:32.200 time for money. Yeah. And would you add anything to that? No, I was just going to say where this

00:53:38.140 comes into play is people that want flexibility of schedule and time. There becomes a point where

00:53:43.020 you're like, okay, I don't want to work 40 or 50 out. Like if I want to make more money than I make

00:53:47.780 now, I have to get paid more each hour or have to work more time or come up with an avenue by which

00:53:54.220 you create some passive income. Yeah. I mean, look, you can look at the order of man model as a passive

00:53:59.300 revenue strategy. And you can also look, there's elements of it that are, that are not passive too,

00:54:05.240 that are more of self-employed, employed strategy. So employed strategy would be me doing one-on-one

00:54:10.420 coaching. So somebody calls me up and they say, Hey man, I'm looking for some coaching on a podcast.

00:54:14.280 Can you help me? And I say, yeah, I can help you. And here's how much it's going to be.

00:54:17.560 Then they pay me for that time. That's, that's employed income. It's not passive, right?

00:54:23.020 A passive strategy is if we have an advertiser for the podcast and they're going to pay X amount of

00:54:29.960 dollars per person that listens to the podcast. Well, I'm over here working on a book or at an event

00:54:36.420 or in the iron council. And my podcast is over here working, picking up listeners and, and

00:54:41.980 advertising dollars without me having to do anything. Yeah. Right. So, so we actually adopt

00:54:47.520 employer, employ both strategies. Any suggestions, I guess, for tech tools, toys, right? He's a bartender

00:54:54.760 and he's like, Hey, how do I, how do I go down this path? Oh yeah. Like put together, uh, put together

00:55:00.660 a, and I don't drink. So it's my ignorance is going to show here, but put together, uh, an ebook

00:55:07.580 that's 50 of the best mixes that, that, that are out there, including 10 of your own custom

00:55:16.800 signature mixes that nobody's ever heard of before and charge five bucks for it.

00:55:20.480 Yeah. Or how to be a home bartender book. So that way people can figure out your mixes

00:55:25.600 at home and kind of, you know, be cool. Like here's here, do a YouTube video that shows like

00:55:31.780 the 30 coolest bartender tricks and then make a YouTube channel and put out a dozen, a hundred,

00:55:38.880 a thousand videos and pick up advertising dollars from those videos while you're bartending your

00:55:44.460 YouTube channels over here as a little mini employee doing its thing, collecting revenue

00:55:48.320 and sending it directly to you. I don't know if you want to stay in the bartending space, but if you

00:55:52.860 start thinking about like, everybody has knowledge, right? I think about guitar. I just picked up the,

00:55:57.920 again, the guitar last night for the first time in several months and I'm strumming, strumming the

00:56:02.920 guitar on the dance or the dance on the guitar. I'm doing my thing. And I'm thinking to myself,

00:56:07.840 like, man, there's really an opportunity for people to teach lessons digitally.

00:56:14.260 Totally. Like we used to think you had to do it in person. The problem with in person is you can only

00:56:19.600 do it once unless you have like a group of people you're teaching and then that diminishes some of

00:56:23.300 the value. So you can only do it one at a time. I mean, I can only have one student at a time.

00:56:28.060 A great example of this is in Groundhog Day, Bill Murray wants to learn to play the piano. So he goes

00:56:34.220 to this, this piano teacher and he says, Hey, um, I want to learn the piano. And the piano teacher says,

00:56:40.360 if you come back next week, uh, I'll be able to teach you. I have a student here, so I can't teach

00:56:44.540 you right now. Well, we know like he doesn't have any more days. He only has the one day. So he's like,

00:56:47.880 I'll give you a thousand dollars. And the next scene is her kicking the little girl out of the 1.00

00:56:51.720 house because she's not paying her a thousand dollars, but Bill Murray is right. Yeah. This

00:56:57.200 is what you have to do. This is like the battle. If you're only doing one-on-one is it's all about

00:57:01.740 like, how can I generate the most, the maximum amount of value for my time? But what if this piano

00:57:07.220 teacher had an app or a YouTube channel that taught all of the lessons and those who wanted individual

00:57:14.980 lessons she could do, she could probably charge more for individual lessons. But in the meantime,

00:57:18.760 she could send Bill Murray or whoever over here to the YouTube channel and they could learn all the

00:57:23.780 lessons and she's picking up ad revenue. And then she creates an ebook that, that shows you, you know,

00:57:28.720 the basic chords and notes and how to play and all that kind of stuff. So just take the information,

00:57:35.520 the knowledge you already have and figure out a way to make it available digitally and then sell it

00:57:41.300 or get eyeballs. Cause there's also the attention economy. So YouTube, the podcast,

00:57:46.740 what you're listening to right now is part of the attention economy. You're not paying me, right?

00:57:51.040 Like nobody's listening to this podcast and they're paying for it. They're all listening to it and

00:57:55.980 engaging for free, which is actually very cool, but your attention is worth something. It's worth

00:58:01.500 something. If I, if I'm speaking objectively, it's worth something to me. And I'll explain that in a

00:58:05.620 second. And it's also worth something to YouTube or, or other advertisers because they can put their

00:58:13.900 message in front of you and hopefully you'll buy their stuff. That's why it's free. Otherwise it

00:58:17.460 wouldn't be free. It's, it's also valuable to me because at some point a percentage of you will buy

00:58:25.020 the book, will join the iron council, will come to one of our events, will ask me for individual

00:58:31.100 coaching by one of our other courses or programs available. So yes, I'm giving this in a way that

00:58:36.480 you can consume it. And the percentage of you who are interested in going above and beyond

00:58:40.620 can go buy the other features and options and things that we have available. Like merchandise,

00:58:45.640 for example, is another great resource. Yeah. You know, it's like people are going to, they're

00:58:49.180 going to say, Hey, that's a cool hat. I like that hat. Go to the store. They'll buy it. And then I have

00:58:53.340 an employee, my son who takes care of it all. So I pay him, he's employed, right? He, he's trading time

00:59:00.700 for dollars. I am not because I employ him to do it. Yeah. I love it. And tech tool toys. You could

00:59:07.260 just send me an email. Let me know how to make a solid virgin mojito. That's a, you know, tastes

00:59:13.820 good. There you go. I ask. All right. Don't, don't do it for free. Charge them for it, man.

00:59:21.040 Charge it for them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on. All right, man. Let's take a couple more

00:59:26.280 and then wrap this thing up today. All right. The roach cultivating discipline where you're not

00:59:30.400 yet disciplined and struggling with maintaining it. How does a man find meaning in what and when

00:59:36.680 the payoffs are not yet apparent or don't seem worth it at first? I did a podcast yesterday and

00:59:45.080 it will be released in about three weeks with Mark Manson. He's the author of everything is F and the

00:59:51.920 subtle art of not giving an F and he actually talks about this in everything is F is that

00:59:56.860 if we, we are, we are emotional creatures, right? And a lot of us try to pretend like he talks about

01:00:04.300 it from the context of the feeling brain versus the thinking brain. And all of us are dictated by

01:00:08.660 the feeling brain. And then we try to support what our feeling brain is doing with our thinking brain,

01:00:14.260 justifying whatever. That's right. Yeah. So we like justify, we, we fill in the blanks and we

01:00:19.740 rationalize why the feeling brain is doing what it's doing. Yeah. Yeah. So he, so he talks about

01:00:26.560 that. He says, the reason that you aren't, that you don't diet is because you don't feel like it.

01:00:31.600 Like you feel like eating all the chips and salsa. Yeah. And then your thinking brain justifies it

01:00:37.640 like, Oh, you've worked hard or you've dieted for the past week. You deserve it. You're special.

01:00:42.820 All these little things that the thinking brain whispers to the feeling brain to support what it

01:00:47.980 actually wants to do. Yeah. So the way that you change your habits and we're talking about

01:00:53.420 discipline here and the things that he's addressing is by tapping into your feelings,

01:00:58.740 right? Like, like, how do you make it more enjoyable? You know, I'm thinking about 75 hard

01:01:04.580 as I'm a week into this thing. And like, how, how do you sustain a diet? How do you sustain

01:01:09.520 working out two days a week? How do you sustain changing your lifestyle? You attach the effort to the

01:01:16.920 thing that you're feeling would want. Like, I like to be acknowledged. I like to be recognized.

01:01:21.460 I like when I look in the mirror that I look fit and, and strong. I like that when I go to

01:01:27.380 jujitsu that I'm not like a limp noodle, like a weak little fish, like I'm a force to be reckoned

01:01:32.920 with. And although I may not be as technical now as I'd like to be, there's still some strength there

01:01:37.120 that helps me hold my own. Right. I take pride in that. My, I feel good about that. I mean,

01:01:43.460 even the language is like, that feels good, which means that I'm appealing to my feeling brain,

01:01:49.260 not my thinking brain. Now, when I feel good about all the results that I know I will produce,

01:01:54.940 then my thinking brain comes in and tries to rationalize, justify, and solidify what the

01:02:02.020 thinking brain already wants to do, which is to feel good, is to be strong, is to be assertive.

01:02:06.840 It's to have influence and credibility and authority with other people. And so now my thinking brain is

01:02:12.220 like, Hey, if you really want to do this, we can do this. And here's what you got to do in order to

01:02:16.020 do it. And it starts backfilling all of the actions and all the beliefs that you need to have in order

01:02:20.300 to support what your think your feeling brain is experiencing. Does he share where, where that

01:02:25.660 emotional side eventually like changes your perception of self a little bit? Because I can see,

01:02:30.960 I can see where we do things because I perceive myself as that kind of person, right? Like I would

01:02:37.560 never steal unless I've already accept the idea that I'm that kind of person that would steal.

01:02:42.780 And in some things we may like, there's no way I'll ever do that. Why? Because that's just not

01:02:46.960 who I am. In reality, I could, I just don't perceive myself that way. Yeah. But, but what's

01:02:52.380 interesting about this, and this is the way he explains it is you think about stealing. Did you

01:02:56.360 ever steal anything when you were younger? Totally. Yeah. Did you get caught? Bubble young.

01:03:01.400 Okay. Did you ever get caught? Yeah, I did. And did you get punished? Yep. There was a consequence

01:03:08.480 to it, right? Yeah. Yeah. So now, and did you feel bad about it? Yep. That's why you don't do it.

01:03:16.200 Cause you feel like shit when you steal. So my emotion changed. I'm like, uh, I don't like that.

01:03:22.560 Yeah. Not, no, your emotion didn't change the story, the meaning that you gave it changed,

01:03:26.880 but my feeling brain went, uh, you don't like that. Yeah. It wasn't look, it's more rational

01:03:32.660 to steal shit than it is to work for it. It's way more rational. Yeah. But the only reason most of us

01:03:40.220 don't generally is because it doesn't feel good. And he talks about there's, there's a, um,

01:03:47.260 like a morality gap, I think is what he calls it. I can't remember exactly the term he talks about,

01:03:51.300 but then, then we feel like, okay, well, I stole from this individual. Now I got to rectify.

01:03:55.680 So there's some guilt. Ding, ding, ding. Guilt is a feeling. Yeah. Not a thought,

01:04:00.840 not a rational thought. It's a feeling, right? So we're always appealing to this feeling side of

01:04:05.320 things, but he does talk about what you're saying. The identity, James Clear actually talks a lot

01:04:09.580 about the identity too, in his book, um, atomic habits. Yeah. But, but Mark Vanson says that it,

01:04:16.600 the, the identity comes after you've rectified the feeling, the, the feeling brain. And you've got that

01:04:23.860 and, and, um, that's the first step in this process. Yeah. He calls it integration. You want

01:04:28.320 to integrate the feeling with a thinking brain. And when those two things are integrated, then

01:04:32.660 you're more optimistic. You're more fulfilled. You're, you're comfortable. You can build some

01:04:36.840 level of confidence. I feel like we're kind of dancing around the issue right here, but ultimately

01:04:41.860 how can you make waking up at six o'clock in the morning feel good? How can you focus? How do you

01:04:51.120 make it feel good? Right. Not how do you do it? Cause you hate it. It's how do you make it feel

01:04:55.420 good? Right. How? And again, James Clear supports this in his book too, when he talks about make it

01:05:00.300 fun, he's, he's basically saying the same thing. Fun is a feeling. I feel joy, happiness, bliss. It's

01:05:08.400 fun. It's enjoyable. Those are feelings. So find a way to make it fun. Um, even if you have to like

01:05:15.580 be very creative and liberal and what is fun and what isn't, and you're going to have an easier time

01:05:20.380 of getting up early and eating vegetables and not eating the chips and salsa and the ice cream and

01:05:26.240 having the conversations and making the phone calls. I remember when I was early in my financial

01:05:30.660 planning practice, we were told we need to make, you know, whatever it was, 20, 30, 40 calls a day.

01:05:35.520 And I was like, Oh, this is miserable. And I actually changed it to be fun. Cause I started

01:05:41.040 keeping score. I would write down, I just put a little tick mark, like one call, two calls,

01:05:47.020 three calls, five calls. And I tried to get to 20 per day. That was my goal. 20 per day. Okay.

01:05:51.500 And then I would start backfilling in the ratios. I'm like, okay, I got 20 people and, uh, 12 of them

01:05:58.080 answered. And so that's whatever percent, you know, that's like, I don't know, 55%, whatever it is.

01:06:03.900 Yeah. And then, and then of those 11 or 12 people who answered five of them gave me appointments.

01:06:10.960 So that's a little less than 50% conversion ratio for the people I talked to and 25% conversion ratio

01:06:16.980 for the people that I called. And I'm like, so I had all this written out. And then the next day I'm

01:06:22.040 like, what can I say that would actually improve that to make that go up? And I would track it every

01:06:29.040 day. And that for me, like some people are like, that is weird. Like I would never do that. Cause

01:06:34.880 that sounds miserable. Cool. Then that's not your trigger. That was my trigger. That's what made it

01:06:39.120 fun. A competition with myself. And therefore I got into the office and I'm like, all right,

01:06:43.900 got my 20 calls. And then I got to the point. I remember one point where I would, I would have

01:06:49.120 an appointment and I'm like, Oh, I have to do this appointment. I need to go make like these 20 calls.

01:06:53.800 I'm like, Whoa, Whoa. It's almost like you wanted to do the calls. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like,

01:06:58.140 Whoa, no, this is an appointment. I'm like, but how am I going to get my 20 calls? And if I have

01:07:01.400 this appointment, so like that's, you can see how it works. Yeah, totally. And I even do it from a

01:07:06.640 rep perspective. That's why I track my reps. Cause I go, Oh, I've done this exercise before. Oh,

01:07:10.920 how much weight did I do? How many reps? All right. I got 11. I got 11 this time. I'm bumping up to 10.

01:07:16.320 Yep. Right. What's, what's new PR, right? Exactly. Yeah. All right, man, let's take it home.

01:07:21.520 Yeah. All right. So we filled these questions, uh, from Mr. Mickler. We talked even about his

01:07:27.660 Twitter account. You can follow him both on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan Mickler. That's R Y

01:07:32.820 A N M I C H L E R. And of course, join us in the fight to restore masculinity. You can do so by 0.97

01:07:41.220 obviously just following and subscribing to this podcast, subscribing to the YouTube channel,

01:07:45.560 or joining us on Facebook at facebook.com slash group slash order of man, or within the iron

01:07:51.720 council to learn more about the iron council, our exclusive brotherhood, go to order of man.com

01:07:56.160 slash iron council. And we do have swag in the store that store.orderofman.com and support the

01:08:03.960 message, share the podcast, wear some gear. If you, if this message resonates with you guys.

01:08:10.420 So cool. That's it guys. Um, appreciate you tuning in live. If you had, we had anywhere from,

01:08:15.680 I think 40 to 80 people on watching live and we'll have thousands of people listening and watch later.

01:08:22.180 I'm sure. Uh, if you're interested in that, make sure to head to youtube.com slash order of man.

01:08:26.560 So we'll let you get going, but I'll be back on Friday and Kip will be back next week on Tuesday.

01:08:30.940 No Wednesday, excuse me. Wednesday. Yep. But until then go out there, take action and become the man.

01:08:35.860 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:08:41.740 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - April 15, 2020

The Power of Hiring Mentors, Listening to Emotions Vs. Logic, and Building Delayed Gratification ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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