Order of Man - The Power of Proximity, BJJ in the Real World, and the 3-Part Formula for Effective Boundaries ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.680 you can call yourself a man. Hey, what's up, man? It's good to see you. I got back an hour ago

00:00:28.020 from my trip to California, so I'm a little scatterbrained, but like we've talked about,

00:00:33.160 we don't miss episodes, whether it's me or you or just you or just me. We don't miss episodes, so

00:00:38.240 here I am. Totally. Tired. So, red eye? Or did you just leave insanely early from California?

00:00:46.320 No. So, we left yesterday after the event. It was an all-night event, and then we flew

00:00:54.200 from California to Maine, and then we just stayed in a hotel last night because I was so exhausted.

00:00:59.620 So, we just got out of the airport. Yeah. And then I just drove up this morning. So,

00:01:03.560 we were beat. And my son was exhausted. He was doing crazy stuff on the plane. He was literally

00:01:09.520 asleep, and he was untying and tying his shoe and then like messing with my light. He was messing with

00:01:14.920 the tray table. And then the funniest is I was sitting there, and he was asleep, and he was in the

00:01:20.460 middle. I was at the window seat, and another guy was in the aisle seat. And he leans his head over

00:01:27.940 and lays on the guy and puts his arm on his leg, like on his thigh. And so, I bump him and wake him

00:01:34.620 up. I'm like, Breck, stop being a little weirdo. Come over here. And he's like, oh, did I do something 0.89

00:01:40.360 weird again? I said, no, you're good because I didn't want to embarrass him, you know? And then

00:01:43.280 he kind of came to and he's like, what did I do? And I told him and he was so embarrassed. But the guy

00:01:47.580 was cool about it. I'm like, I'm sorry. We did this all night event. He's exhausted. He's a little

00:01:52.680 delirious. And the guy's like, oh, it's no problem. I was just weirded out when he laid on my shoulder

00:01:56.540 and put his hand on my leg. I said, yeah, I get that. My wife and I, we're horrible travelers, at

00:02:02.260 least horrible for our kids. Like if there's a discount for our kid not to sit by us, we'll be like,

00:02:07.720 no, no, no. You know, Kyabe, you're fine sitting up there by yourself. And so, we've done that a ton,

00:02:13.600 especially with the older boys where they're kind of like in random locations on the plane.

00:02:17.580 Right. Right. And Kyabe is the same way. I'd go up and check on him. He's like leaning on the guy

00:02:23.260 sleeping. And I'm like nudging him like, dude, come on. Like stop laying on people. But he's,

00:02:29.460 he's crazy too. When he's tired, like crazy. Yeah. Brecken's usually not, but he was, 0.99

00:02:35.700 well, you just get, he got chewed out for 15 hours straight before that. And he was going through

00:02:40.720 rigorous, you know, physical stuff. So, he was in a weird place, but yeah, it was funny.

00:02:45.780 That's cool. So, this was a father and son event that you went to in California.

00:02:50.000 Yeah. It was with Bedros Koulian, who's a friend and he's been on the podcast several times,

00:02:53.820 but he does a program called the Squire Program. And last year I went out to speak at it and I saw

00:02:59.160 enough that I wanted to come back, but not enough that kept me from not going out there. So,

00:03:05.520 I was like, let me, let me, let me try this, you know, as, as a participant in Bedros was kind

00:03:10.980 enough to invite me back out there. And I spoke again. But this time I went through as a participant

00:03:15.720 and it was, it was awesome. Very cool. Yeah. So, gave us a perspective for our, our upcoming

00:03:22.400 father-son event, but also, you know, when I'm at our father-son event, I don't get to participate

00:03:28.160 the same way that the guys that come out do. Totally. I, you know, so I have to, I have to get

00:03:35.840 that in a different environment. So, cause I don't want to ask people to do something that I'm not

00:03:40.240 willing to do myself. So, it's pretty cool to go out there and I surfed for the first time,

00:03:44.580 which was cool. Yeah. Yeah. So, we had a good time. How did you do? Good. Yeah. We went to Dana

00:03:50.640 Point and waves were pretty, pretty mild. They weren't, you know, big or anything. How far out

00:03:55.980 was the break? I don't know. It wasn't that far. I mean, it was, it was, there was a couple of

00:04:02.280 different breaks and we stayed up front initially with the more smaller rolling type waves just to

00:04:06.820 get our feet under us. Yeah. And both Brecken and I stood up and then we went out a little bit

00:04:10.940 further and tried to catch some bigger waves and, you know, got pummeled and stood up. So, we were

00:04:14.620 both able to get up. We both got banged up a little bit, but man, we had a great time.

00:04:17.820 Did you wear a rash guard? I have to ask. Oh yeah, I did. Yeah. Oh, you did. Okay. So,

00:04:22.740 did you get, I, when I don't wear rash guard on my ribs at the top of my, on the bottom part of my ribs,

00:04:30.000 just wears it like raw. Yeah. Sandpaper. Yeah. No, we, okay. I was smart enough and I told Brecken,

00:04:36.180 I'm like, Hey, let's both wear rash guards. So, we wore our jujitsu origin rash guards while we

00:04:39.980 were surfing. Yeah. So, it was good. Yeah. We had a great time. Cool. Yeah, man. That's awesome.

00:04:45.340 So, I'm back. Here we are. Fielding questions. Fielding questions. AMA from Facebook. Let's do it,

00:04:52.680 man. I know these are leftovers from last week. So, let's get after it. Yeah. Yeah. There was a good job,

00:04:57.500 guys. These were good enough questions that were like, you know what? Let's, let's hold on to some

00:05:01.460 of these and press them forward. Not a set expectation. Although some of these questions,

00:05:06.720 well, they're fun, but then there's a really good one. So, hopefully we'll get, we'll get time to get

00:05:10.980 over to you. All right. Cool. Facebook.com slash group slash order of man. Follow us there to submit

00:05:17.680 future questions to AMA or just bandwidth us on Facebook. All right. Simmons Stevens, Simon Stevens,

00:05:23.680 what made you choose Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu over any other martial art? And do you think people can find

00:05:29.360 the same value you find in BJJ attending a different martial art? So, the answer to the

00:05:35.880 second question, right off the cuff, I would say, yes, I think you can find the same value in a lot of

00:05:41.720 different places and not even martial arts necessarily. I just think martial arts is a great

00:05:46.560 place for the life lessons, for the physicality, for the confrontation, for the improvement of yourself.

00:05:51.780 So, being uncomfortable, working on violence a little bit, all of that stuff that we've talked

00:05:57.600 about, but yes, you can get a lot of the same lessons doing other things as well. To the first

00:06:04.020 question, why Jiu-Jitsu? This is a question of proximity and it's actually very, very important,

00:06:10.300 not just the Jiu-Jitsu component of it, but the people that you spend time with. So, the reason that I

00:06:16.180 got involved with Jiu-Jitsu is because everybody I knew who I thought highly of was doing Jiu-Jitsu.

00:06:22.320 Period. You were doing it, Matthew Arrington, heavily involved in Jiu-Jitsu. Of course, Pete

00:06:28.180 Roberts and the Origin crew heavily involved in Jiu-Jitsu. So, it's only a matter of proximity

00:06:33.520 because I really didn't know anything else about it until I got involved. So, there's a greater

00:06:37.480 answer here, which is the people that you spend time with are going to impact your decisions

00:06:43.400 consciously or subconsciously. So, you better make sure that you're not hanging around assholes 0.99

00:06:48.060 and that you're hanging out around the right kind of people involved in the right activities 0.97

00:06:52.260 with the correct mindset, with values that are important to you. Otherwise, you're going to get

00:06:58.260 down a rabbit hole that isn't really going to serve you the way that you want to be served.

00:07:01.300 So, purely proximity. It very easily could have been krav or wrestling or karate or whatever if I

00:07:09.400 would have been around individuals who were doing that. But that's as simple as I can make that answer.

00:07:14.200 Sure. That's great. It's funny. Most of the time when I come in, I'm like, if you don't mind,

00:07:21.720 you know, but at this point after 160 episodes. You just know I mind and you're going to do it

00:07:26.820 anyway. Yeah. I should probably just do it and stop asking. I'd like to add one thought that I

00:07:33.260 think Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a little bit different than some martial arts that you might get out of it

00:07:38.060 that you want to get out of others. And I nerded out about flow state and deep work and just highly

00:07:46.060 focused and being highly focused on what that gives for your psyche and how mental health benefits from

00:07:54.880 that thought process. I think you can get that probably more from Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu than you do

00:08:00.520 other martial arts. There's an element of the example that most people say is like human chess, right?

00:08:10.360 But there's this element of hyper focus in the moment. And especially if you have the right training

00:08:16.620 partners where you can go a hundred percent and you can get your body into that moment of fight and

00:08:22.100 flight and all you're worried about is just blocking that choke from your neck. Like there's zero other

00:08:28.400 thoughts in your mind in that moment. And I think Jiu-Jitsu does have the tendency to create that

00:08:33.860 flow state probably more than other martial arts. I'm not saying other martial arts don't,

00:08:38.840 but that's one very common trait that you hear from a lot of guys that do Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is

00:08:43.380 their ability to get into flow state so much that big tech companies, for instance, in Silicon Valley,

00:08:50.960 Google and Facebook, and some of these companies have latched on to providing Jiu-Jitsu within their

00:08:56.040 corporations because of the flow state benefit that their employees are getting from it. That's how

00:09:01.460 much that this is starting to get recognized. So now with that said, I'm not saying it's not

00:09:07.280 available in other martial arts, but it's certainly a common trait that you hear a lot about from Jiu-Jitsu

00:09:13.120 practitioners. I think you're right that it can create the flow state, but I don't know that it's

00:09:19.280 going to create it better than boxing. You know, if you have a guy that's standing in front of you that

00:09:23.400 wants to punch you in the face and you want to punch him in the face, I would say that's probably

00:09:28.320 very similar. I've never boxed professionally or taken in lessons, but I bet it's probably similar. 0.98

00:09:33.200 So I wouldn't discount that necessarily, but here's another component that we need to address

00:09:37.800 is that Jiu-Jitsu will allow you to stay in the game. I think longer than boxing, for example.

00:09:44.900 Well, you can't go a hundred percent. I went a hundred percent boxing with you every day.

00:09:48.440 Right. We're two days in and I'm taking a break. Right. Exactly. I'm like, my brain can't handle it.

00:09:53.760 Right. And that's what I mean is that you can stay in it. You can train Jiu-Jitsu every day. In fact,

00:09:59.700 you could train really multiple times a day if you wanted to. And I know plenty of guys who do, and

00:10:03.860 they do it five, six days a week. And some of those are multiple times per day. So that's one added

00:10:10.060 benefit is that regardless of where you are on your fitness scale, regardless of your current

00:10:16.320 ability to perform, because you may or may not be familiar with martial arts or Jiu-Jitsu,

00:10:20.700 there's always a place that you can enter and it's sustainable as long as you're smart.

00:10:26.940 You know, I know guys that have got injured and some of it, you know, it's just like a random injury 0.98

00:10:31.420 and other is like, well, yeah, that was kind of dumb. You shouldn't, you were compromised and you 0.97

00:10:36.080 let your ego get in the way and you ended up, you know, getting yourself in a position that

00:10:41.600 was worse than it had to be. So be smart. Don't let the ego get in the way and you can,

00:10:46.820 you can train just fine. Yeah. The, the ultimate lie of Brazil Jiu-Jitsu is this,

00:10:52.620 the gentle art and you'll never get injured. No, it's not. That's up to you to determine if

00:10:57.540 you're going to get injured or not. But trust me, when you're giving it your all and you're

00:11:01.060 tweaking your back in a weird way to try to get out, you'll just get just as injured as anything

00:11:05.540 else. And I mean, I train with a lot of guys and we have blown out knees and all kinds of stuff

00:11:10.940 on a regular basis, shoulders, shoulders, knees, ribs. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Ribs for sure. Sometimes.

00:11:17.580 So you don't know this, but I just, so I recorded last week, a podcast with someone I'll tell you who

00:11:23.440 it was in a minute and it released yesterday. So Tuesday, since this is coming out, we're recording

00:11:27.840 Monday. So you don't know yet, but I just recorded a great conversation with Hicks and Gracie last week.

00:11:33.160 Nice. Yeah. So we had, dude, I'm telling you, it was funny. Cause he, he showed up and he's in this

00:11:40.600 white, it must've been either his studio or his training gym. And it's like gray with pads. It

00:11:46.100 kind of looks like, like a psych ward or something, you know, where you're put in solitary confinement

00:11:51.040 and it's just white. And he's got this white shirt with this, these white shorts. And he's got this

00:11:56.480 gold chain with the, with the triangle, like that Gracie triangle of jujitsu. And then he's got,

00:12:03.960 he's, he speaks Portuguese, right? Cause he's from Brazil. And so he's got his accent. I'm like,

00:12:08.980 holy cow, this guy can murder me at any given moment. And he just, the presence that he had and

00:12:17.120 just, just something about him. You just, when he sat there, I was like, this guy is, and he's

00:12:23.600 older now, you know? So he's, he's a grandfather now, but I'm like, this guy is serious business,

00:12:28.800 but we had a great conversation. Very cool. Very cool. I love it, man. All right. Next question.

00:12:34.720 Eric Kovach, have you or Kip ever used Brazilian jujitsu in real world outside of the gym self-defense

00:12:41.800 situation? No, I haven't been in a physical altercation that where I needed to use jujitsu,

00:12:51.860 but I will say this. I wonder if I've kept myself out of situations because of jujitsu. So one example

00:13:00.720 that comes to mind is months ago it was, it was in the winter time. I pulled up to this gas pump

00:13:07.460 and the one in front of me was out of order, the gas pump in front of me. So I pulled to the second

00:13:13.260 one and you know how it's just common courtesy. If there's two pumps, you pull up to the forward

00:13:17.300 one. So somebody can come in behind you. That's just common courtesy. Well, I couldn't do that

00:13:20.820 because the pump in front of me was out of order. So the snowmobiler comes down off the snowmobile trail

00:13:26.660 and he kind of pulls alongside of me and he couldn't see that the one was out of order.

00:13:31.900 And all he could see is that I hadn't pulled up. And so he just starts yelling, just swearing and

00:13:37.660 yelling. And my son's there with me. Like, what is this guy's problem? And he's like, can't you F and C

00:13:43.600 I'm here? Like you can't pull forward. And, uh, he like gasses a snowmobile around the truck and pulls in

00:13:51.320 front of me and comes over to my side of the door of, of the car. And I'm like, if this guy gets

00:13:59.140 close, I'm just going to open this door. I'm going to door the shit out of him. Yeah. And, and so he 0.99

00:14:04.300 comes to my side and then he stops. Cause I'm saying, look, don't come over here. And he goes

00:14:09.300 over to my, my, my son's side and on the passenger side. So I start opening the door and I'm like,

00:14:16.460 I'm going to, I'm going to crush this guy. And he gets, he starts to come around. I said, look,

00:14:21.760 it's out of order. And he comes over and I'm like, you know, this is dumb. That was the moment where 0.99

00:14:28.100 I'm like, this is dumb. I don't need to get an altercation over the fact that this gas pumps 0.99

00:14:32.820 out of order. I S and I said, you know, Hey, look, the gas pumps out of order. I'm sorry. You didn't

00:14:38.460 see that, but I can't pull any forward. And so as soon as I'm done slide in here and we'll be as

00:14:43.940 quick as we possibly can. And he stopped and kind of turned around cause he saw it was out of order

00:14:48.900 and walked off. But the thought that it went through my mind of like deescalate the situation,

00:14:55.160 this is ridiculous. Two grown ass men don't need to be fighting over the fact that that gas pump is 0.99

00:15:01.500 out of order. So I'm not sure if that comes from jujitsu necessarily, but there was enough presence 0.93

00:15:09.740 there where I thought I don't have anything to prove. I don't really feel like getting in a

00:15:15.180 physical altercation today. Like that isn't on my schedule. That isn't something I'm willing to risk

00:15:20.260 or mess around. I will, if I have to, but this is not one of those moments. So deescalation all was

00:15:26.840 fine. We drove along. Everything was cool. So maybe that's an indirect benefit. Maybe not,

00:15:32.480 but it felt like there was a bit of presence and clarity that I'm not sure would have been there

00:15:35.920 otherwise. Yeah. And, and I want to create that connection for guys that may not understand,

00:15:41.180 like, well, you didn't have an altercation. So how could jujitsu possibly benefit you in that

00:15:46.940 circumstance? So, so the connection is that if you don't practice much to say, if you don't practice

00:15:54.860 violence, whether it's jujitsu or not in that circumstance, you would have went hot, like get got

00:16:02.580 wired instantly, right? Your adrenaline would have skyrocketed. You would have possibly gotten

00:16:07.600 really crazy emotional and maybe resulted in having a confrontation that was unnecessary.

00:16:13.600 Right. When you practice in violence a lot, that confrontation, the adrenaline doesn't kick in as

00:16:20.160 much, right? Because you're like, oh, I've had confrontation before. I may know what this might

00:16:25.660 look like, you know, like it still kicks in. Right. It's just that you can manage it differently.

00:16:31.180 Totally. Totally. And I, and I think that's the, that's the connection, um, to answer the question.

00:16:36.160 No, I haven't either. Um, but I do feel that I've been in circumstances where I felt calm.

00:16:41.680 Like I felt like, oh, Hey, if this goes South, like I kind of know how I'm going to handle this.

00:16:47.680 Right. And I've thought through those scenarios and, and enough now with that said, and I'm sure you

00:16:52.620 could say the same thing. Are there guys I train with that have had, you know, I've heard so many

00:16:59.260 stories of jujitsu in a world world, real world scenario occurring. And it's all over the place.

00:17:06.340 Like everything from being mugged in New York to, I mean, a guy breaking into an office with a knife.

00:17:12.860 I mean, a guy starting a fight at a club because he had really bad cauliflower ear and just,

00:17:18.860 Hey, you think you're a tough guy? And I mean, all kinds of crazy altercations that I've heard.

00:17:24.220 And, and I think one of the best stories or what I've heard that is one of the best things is

00:17:30.540 often, if you get an altercation, cops get called and you haven't destroyed anybody's bloody,

00:17:41.700 nothing's broken. No one's bloodied up. And, and even if you've just choked the guy

00:17:45.940 or have him in a hold or whatever, the probability of the cop coming after you as being overly violent

00:17:53.700 is very low. Now that's unofficial and whatever, but I've seen and heard of multiple scenarios by which

00:18:00.800 it worked out way better because no striking was used and the altercation was kind of resolved.

00:18:09.740 My, uh, my son was telling me about, so when we were at this event, I think Bedros must've told 0.99

00:18:14.620 them all a story, how he actually had to put somebody to sleep on an airplane. The guy was

00:18:19.320 being belligerent and he was drunk and he was hitting the seats in front of them. And, and the,

00:18:24.120 uh, flight attendant, a female had zip ties and Bedros is like, what are you doing with those? 1.00

00:18:29.840 And she said, well, I have to go restrain this guy, but I have to ask him. Like, I guess they're

00:18:34.800 required to ask. I didn't, I got a second. Will you please allow me to zip tie you to a chair?

00:18:39.480 I got the, uh, I got the story secondhand. So take it with a grain of salt, but apparently

00:18:45.040 Bedros had to put the guy to sleep, you know, so they could finally restrain him and, and, and get

00:18:50.940 them, you know, calm enough to be able to land and deal with the issue. But, you know, there is another

00:18:55.320 thing here that I hear a lot. And so I want to address this is a lot of guys will say, well, you

00:18:59.360 know, in a real fight, jujitsu this or jujitsu that. And yes, depending on the circumstances,

00:19:04.800 there may be situations where it works or it doesn't work. So I'm under no impression that

00:19:09.720 jujitsu is going to work in every scenario. Um, but here's, here's my take. It's better than

00:19:15.500 nothing, you know? And, and so I put a video up there of a kid getting beat up by three other kids.

00:19:21.360 And I said, this kid needs to know jujitsu. Like he needs to train. And somebody said, well,

00:19:25.340 there's nothing that's going to help him against three other guys. And I said, it's better than

00:19:30.320 nothing. So what's, so what are you saying? You're saying don't train.

00:19:33.240 Yeah. You're saying don't be physically capable. You're what, what are you saying? I don't

00:19:37.820 understand why you would even say that. What, like, where's that coming from? Well, it's not

00:19:41.960 going to help you. It might, it might actually keep you out of the altercation. It might help

00:19:46.060 you protect yourself better. It might exactly go after the biggest kid and beat the shit out of 0.99

00:19:50.900 him, put him to sleep or break his arm. And all of a sudden, Oh, the other two kids realize this, 0.99

00:19:57.080 this guy is serious. And maybe back off. Like there's a lot of things that could happen. So yeah,

00:20:01.380 maybe boxing, maybe jujitsu, maybe karate, maybe wrestling, maybe whatever. Okay. Just better than

00:20:07.620 nothing. That's the point that I think we need to understand here. And the alternative is to be a

00:20:11.580 little bitch and not train at all and not keep you, not even remotely move towards keeping yourself 1.00

00:20:17.020 safe or other people safe in an environment like this. Yeah. And, and I think any true martial artist, 1.00

00:20:22.460 as you progress in whatever martial art you're specializing in, you realize what are the,

00:20:27.840 the holes in your current martial art? And what are the benefits of others? Right? Like

00:20:32.640 Krav Maga is on my list of like, Hey, you know what? There's something to be said for

00:20:38.240 eye gouging someone with my thumb, you know, hook in their mouth, tearing their mouth open, 0.66

00:20:43.780 and then going on to the next guy. I think that's legit. Right? So, and the other thing you have to

00:20:50.060 realize too, and I tell my son this, I'm like, Hey, look in training, there's rules in street fights.

00:20:54.800 There's no rules. If I get in a fight, I'm going to kick that dude in the nuts as hard as I can. 0.98

00:20:59.440 And there's no rule that says, Whoa, that's not manly bullshit. Like I'm going to poke him in the 1.00

00:21:04.220 eye and rip his eyeball out. I'm going to fish hook him. I'm going to kick him in the nuts. I'm 1.00

00:21:07.280 going to do whatever I can to get home or to help other people get home in a, because they're not

00:21:12.340 playing by the rule. There is no rule book they're playing by. So good. I'm going to, I'm going to,

00:21:16.060 I'm going to operate under the same premise. Yeah. And guys can do that in jujitsu. I do that in jujitsu

00:21:20.600 sometimes, right? Especially when we have a guy, it sounds about right. When I'm about to submit

00:21:24.520 you, you're like just a quick knee check. I think about it. I think about it. I at least

00:21:29.600 think about it. But when we have guys training for like an MMA fight, you know, I'm managing distance

00:21:34.320 all of a sudden that becomes more important. And I may not even try for an arm bar, right? Like I'll

00:21:39.900 think, Hey, the only option here is back, take and choke. That's my only option, you know? And I'll

00:21:44.980 think about that with certain guys from a street self-defense perspective, right? Because in the

00:21:50.800 end, I think for the most part, when we talk about self-defense and from a street fighting perspective,

00:21:56.140 it's the choke is everything, right? Like you, I think that should be number one option and probably

00:22:02.240 your best option, right? Well, that's, that's going to incapacitate the individual, I think more

00:22:07.180 effectively than doing some sort of arm bar or something like that. Totally. Well, and, and some guys,

00:22:13.440 you know, you get your arm hyper extended. You just piss the guy off some more. You put him to

00:22:17.640 sleep. He might wake up and go, Oh, Hey, I'm all calm. Hey, what's your name? And want to hug it out

00:22:22.920 and be your friend all of a sudden, you know, like, you know, nothing like a little reboot to be put to

00:22:28.000 sleep, to get someone to be straight in their mind. So, yeah, I don't know. Okay. Enough jujitsu.

00:22:33.800 Your jujitsu, your 30 minutes is met today. All right. Clinton Hallett. Could you speak to how a

00:22:41.820 single man, never married to no children can effectively invest into the lives of fatherless

00:22:46.920 boys? Good question. Super easy coach, coach. There's, there's opportunities to coach in your

00:22:52.060 city league. Uh, there's opportunities for big brothers, big sisters programs or YMCA mentorship

00:22:58.120 programs. You know, they're there and available. If you're looking, uh, if you go to your rec center,

00:23:04.120 your community center, and you ask them how you can serve and how you can help in the community,

00:23:07.860 they'll give you opportunities and options. Uh, there's probably volunteering options in,

00:23:12.880 uh, the prison system. There's probably opportunities even at, at schools. One thing I

00:23:19.280 was involved in is a program called school of life foundation. And so us as business owners and

00:23:25.020 people in the community would go in and teach children that were, uh, on detention. So they could

00:23:31.800 go to detention or whatever they could restitution or detention, whatever they called it. And they could

00:23:36.360 get there, you know, five hours or whatever they needed, or if they agreed to come to one of our

00:23:40.940 classes, they get it reduced. So instead of five hours, it'd be two and a half hours. So they'd come

00:23:45.740 to one of our, our, uh, presentations and, uh, we would teach different life skills, communication,

00:23:54.220 effective leadership, just those types of things. Uh, and that was something that we did on a

00:23:59.500 volunteer basis. And it was an opportunity to serve and give back. That was young men and young

00:24:03.800 women. Uh, but there, but the opportunities are there. I would look to your community. 0.75

00:24:07.120 I would look to your school system, even talking with a school board. And I would look in the

00:24:11.360 corrections, uh, systems and departments. And I think you'll find plenty of opportunities there.

00:24:16.460 Yeah. I mean, don't overlook your nephews, right? Yeah. Good point. I mean, you're not your

00:24:20.860 nephews for sure. Yeah. Invite them, bring them along. Uh, you're the, you could be the cool

00:24:27.740 uncle, you know? So there's, there's opportunities there. Yeah. And it's, it's surprising how sometimes

00:24:35.600 I think we downplay like our role in like our nephews lives a little bit. Um, I, it's funny

00:24:43.220 we do that. I don't do that. We're like, Oh, they're, they're fine. And you know, their dad

00:24:47.500 or whatever, but I've had some nephews, like just randomly text me, Hey, uncle Kip, how you doing?

00:24:53.280 And then I'm like, Oh, like not, Oh, but like, Oh, he needs some help. Yeah. I need some help

00:24:58.380 and I should be reaching out more than I am, you know? So, yeah. I mean, look, I commend you for

00:25:03.420 even asking the question, but let's please not let it stop there. Like actually, cause it's easy to

00:25:08.400 ask the question and think, okay, well, I want to do this. I'm being good. Yes. You're moving in the

00:25:14.180 right direction, but please don't. And I'm not saying it will, but please don't let it stop here.

00:25:19.420 Actually go talk to your community center, go look at the sports leagues, go talk with the school

00:25:25.080 district, go to the corrections department, like actually move forward and help. I feel like you

00:25:30.380 want to, and you probably will. I just want to be ensure, ensure that everybody listening knows

00:25:36.080 wanting to be good, wanting to be virtuous and noble and honorable and help. That's great,

00:25:42.400 but it isn't actually in and of itself doing something is so make sure you move forward with

00:25:46.920 these recommendations. Yeah. Good point. All right. Joshua Barrett, how do you identify

00:25:53.040 the shit test from wife and kids and what are ways to start laying a line that doesn't come off 1.00

00:25:59.900 as being a big ass? I'm just quoting here. I'm not swearing. I let my kids and wife walk all over 1.00

00:26:05.620 me for years. I've recognized that. This is your question, isn't it, Kip? No, it's your question.

00:26:09.740 Possibly. Possibly. It's my alter ego, Joshua Barrett. That's right.

00:26:16.180 No, wasn't it Kip? I thought it was Kip something. Kip. Kip. Yeah. Kip and Ryan Michler.

00:26:22.560 Kip Jorgensen. You're Kip Jorgensen and I'm Brian Michler.

00:26:29.140 I let my kids and wife walk all over me for years. I've recognized that and I'm working on

00:26:34.620 addressing it. I've heard on a recent episode, you talking about drawing the line and telling them

00:26:38.920 when they cross it in my house, I'm either calm, cool, and collective, or I lose my shit. 1.00

00:26:45.480 Two extremes. Anytime I try to enforce a line, I have established. I get angry fast. I lose all 0.99

00:26:51.360 credibility. How do you accomplish firm while remaining calm and establishing yourself as a

00:26:56.920 leader when you have lived as a servant for so long? Yeah. So, there's a lot here, but this is a

00:27:03.440 common problem a lot of guys deal with. Not just at home, but at work too and other environments.

00:27:08.240 Yeah. So, there was one phrase in there that I wanted to latch on and I can't remember verbatim,

00:27:13.980 but you said, how do you correct behavior when you've allowed it to go unchecked for so long?

00:27:20.960 It was something along those lines. Yeah. So, there's a three-part formula to establishing

00:27:25.820 boundaries and having a healthy level of respect from yourself and expecting and commanding that in

00:27:31.700 others. And when I say command, I'm not saying bark orders. There's a difference between commanding

00:27:37.020 respect and demanding it. So, demanding is like, I demand, you will give me this, right? But commanding

00:27:44.940 respect is somebody sees that this is somebody that's worthy of being respected.

00:27:49.760 Yeah. It's how you're showing up versus what you're saying.

00:27:52.880 Right. So, well, it's voluntary influence versus dictatorship. So, there's a three-part formula.

00:28:02.300 And when you said, hey, how do I do this when I've allowed it to go unchecked for so long?

00:28:06.280 Yeah. Why would they listen to you? Because you went from no boundaries whatsoever to part three

00:28:12.820 of the formula, which is maintain the boundaries. But the other two may not be there. The other two

00:28:19.940 parts to this. So, here's the three-part formula. Number one, establish what the boundaries are.

00:28:25.920 Okay. You have to establish in your own mind what you will tolerate and what you won't tolerate.

00:28:33.800 And by the way, if we even do a precursor to the three-part would be that you have to have some level

00:28:41.340 of self-respect to get to this point. Because if you don't respect yourself, you can't expect that

00:28:47.360 other people should respect you. So, that means honor your word, keeping your commitments, living the

00:28:53.560 kind of life that you want, avoiding the vices that you've identified that you want to stay away

00:28:57.540 from. And that develops self-respect, which then allows you to, part one, establish in your own

00:29:03.620 mind what you will and won't tolerate. So, that's point number one. Point number two, this is very

00:29:09.460 important in this environment. You have to communicate the expectation. Because if you don't, it's nothing

00:29:16.400 more than a covert contract. I expect, Kip, for you to show up at 12 o'clock so we can do this

00:29:21.400 podcast. But if I don't commit that or I don't communicate that to you and you show up at 1230,

00:29:28.080 well, what right do I have to be mad at you? I didn't tell you it's at 12. We didn't agree upon

00:29:31.900 that. Right? So, you have to communicate, hey, hon, I've thought a lot about this. And when you

00:29:40.240 come home late and you don't communicate to me what's going on, I don't appreciate that.

00:29:48.260 And what I expect is that if you're going to be late, that's fine. Things happen. But you need

00:29:52.960 to communicate that with me. Or, hey, kids, I expect that the chores and the projects and the

00:30:00.440 things around the house get done. And here's your daily list of chores. It's all written down. It's

00:30:06.520 all documented. Do you have any questions, any misunderstandings about what I expect? You have

00:30:12.660 to communicate the boundaries. Don't just keep them in and expect that other people will honor

00:30:17.080 something that's in your head. Point number two. Point number three is you have to maintain

00:30:23.520 the boundary. Because it's not a boundary if you don't maintain it. So, I'll give you an example.

00:30:29.620 The other day, I asked Brecken to do something. I can't exactly remember what it was. I think we had

00:30:35.340 a bunch of trash that needed to be taken out or some boxes to be broken down or something like that.

00:30:39.260 And he didn't do it. And very easily, I could have said, oh, you know, but it's okay. You can do it

00:30:45.700 today or tomorrow or something like that. No, that's not establishing or upholding the boundary.

00:30:52.860 I said, you will do it right now. Oh, but dad, I'm doing this. I don't care. You will do it right

00:30:57.800 now because I told you to do it yesterday. It's not done. And here is your discipline for not getting it

00:31:03.360 done. So, next time I ask you to do something, consider that there's consequences to not getting

00:31:08.580 those things done. That is maintaining the boundary. It has to be maintained. If it's not,

00:31:15.540 then people are going to walk all over it. So, just to reiterate, self-respect first because

00:31:20.900 nobody's going to respect you if you don't respect yourself. Lose weight. Get the finances in check.

00:31:26.780 Learn how to communicate more effectively. Keep and honor your commitments and your words.

00:31:31.440 And then move into that three-part formula. Establish, think about what those boundaries

00:31:35.360 are, what you will and won't tolerate. Communicate those and allow the people who are going to be

00:31:39.120 impacted by it to have a say in the matter. Because if you just come out and you say,

00:31:43.240 one, two, three, four, this is what I expect. Then you're a tyrant and a dictator, not a leader.

00:31:49.860 So, if I'm thinking about how my wife has been treating me and I don't appreciate it,

00:31:54.040 I'm going to communicate this in a respectful way and say, hey, here's what's going on.

00:31:58.160 And I actually don't feel good about what's been happening. And here's what I expect moving

00:32:04.340 forward. But I want to hear what you think about it. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Should we change

00:32:10.880 something? Should we, what do we need to do here? Work together. And what are your non-negotiables

00:32:18.020 that I can help withhold? Yeah, for sure. And then again, maintaining it. So, the other question in

00:32:25.580 here was, how do I do this when for so long I've been walked all over? Well, it's going to take

00:32:33.120 consistency. And it's going to take reinforcement. And it's going to take trial and error. And it's

00:32:38.820 going to take you being a man of your word. And it's going to take you, like you said a second ago,

00:32:42.560 Kip, is honoring their boundaries and their expectations and their standards. And

00:32:48.240 I wish I could say that the minute you do this formula that everybody transforms overnight,

00:32:55.540 no, you've conditioned your family to treat you the way they do.

00:32:59.900 I need people to hear that again. Because people say, oh, my boss is an asshole. Oh, my wife, 1.00

00:33:04.380 this, all this and that. Like, they say this all the time. You've conditioned people to treat you like

00:33:10.060 that. You've allowed them to treat you like that. And so, what you encourage, or excuse me,

00:33:15.300 what you tolerate, you're actually encouraging. So, you need to recondition people to treat you

00:33:20.800 with respect. But that doesn't happen overnight. Because a lot of the times, you're talking about

00:33:25.620 a shit test. Your wife might actually say, oh, well, this is good, but this isn't going to stick. 0.99

00:33:31.620 And you know what? She's probably right because of past performance. So, show her that you're serious.

00:33:37.600 Show her that you're committed to this improvement. Show her that this is going to stick. And then

00:33:41.660 she'll see you as a more influential, credible man in her life, which is ultimately what you want.

00:33:48.640 And also, I'd say this one more thing. I did a podcast last week. I think it was Friday or

00:33:52.900 two Fridays ago called Maintain Your Frame. Do you remember that one? And that actually came from a

00:33:58.100 jujitsu lesson of the framing in jujitsu, right? Yeah. So, when it comes to maintaining your frame

00:34:04.240 outside of jujitsu, what I mean is that don't let people into your space that you're not okay with.

00:34:12.400 Okay with. Yeah. Right. And don't undermine your own efforts. And sometimes when we throw temper

00:34:19.020 tantrums and we react versus respond to emotion, then we actually are breaking down our frame because 0.99

00:34:27.200 we're showing people that were easily emotionally manipulated and that were weak and pathetic. And so, 0.99

00:34:35.640 people see that and then their actions are dictated on that. So, if you throw a temper tantrum every time

00:34:41.440 you don't get what you want, people are going to look at you like a little crybaby and maybe even a 1.00

00:34:44.940 little bitch. Okay? So, you just undermine your own frame. Think about that. Is the way that I'm 1.00

00:34:51.200 responding to this situation, even if I'm unhappy with it, am I maintaining my frame or am I undermining

00:34:58.840 it? So, when things don't go your way and they won't all the time, there's things that you can do.

00:35:04.480 There's ways that you can respond to it that people will look at it and say, damn, that was awesome. Like 0.94

00:35:10.660 he had this situation and here's what he did. And you actually boost up and bolster your credibility

00:35:15.920 and authority with them. But not if you throw a temper tantrum every time you don't get what you want.

00:35:19.860 Totally. And I would argue that most people will throw their temper tantrum because they didn't

00:35:26.200 communicate the last 20 times, right? And then they lose their shit. So, like Joshua says it here, 1.00

00:35:32.520 says like calm, cool, and collective or I lose it, right? I would probably argue or suggest maybe

00:35:38.740 that calm, cool, and collective means I was passive the other five times, right? And you probably were

00:35:45.480 and you're saying it's calm, collective. No, no, no, no. You still need to address the issue.

00:35:49.820 You need to still withhold your frame and your boundary and you need to communicate it. So,

00:35:55.140 then that way you don't lose your crap after the 10th time because you never said anything the nine 0.99

00:36:00.500 other times. Right. Well, and so, I wrote this down. You're right. Calm, cool, and collective 0.99

00:36:05.240 doesn't mean passive. It means assertive. So, the issue still gets dealt with, but you're calm,

00:36:12.520 cool, and collected in the way that you deal with the situation. Not that you ignore the situation.

00:36:17.600 That's just weak. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:36:22.600 All right. That was a good question by me. I mean, by Josh. Yes. By Josh. By Chip Jorgensen.

00:36:28.500 Chip Jorgensen. Thanks, Josh. We should do that. The Chip and Brian show or something. Like,

00:36:33.900 we should do a spinoff. It would be hilarious. Trust me. We have enough content to answer

00:36:38.880 from those alter egos for sure. All right. Alex Schwartz. I know you're not in the business

00:36:47.100 of giving financial advice anymore, but do either of you have any- End of question. Proceed.

00:36:52.500 It's like, hey, not to be a dick, but I'm going to be a dick. Hey, not to be offensive, but I'm going to- 0.99

00:36:59.260 No, no. Alex says, hey, any investment books that you recommend at least,

00:37:03.780 or any investment books you recommend, or would you say, just go talk with a mentor or financial

00:37:10.580 advisor? I know there's books you should read. You should always read because the more that you

00:37:15.780 read, you'll be more qualified to be able to look for a financial advisor and you'll know what they're

00:37:19.940 talking about. And there's a few things that you can't outsource. So, you can delegate, right? You

00:37:27.040 can delegate a financial advisor to help you, but you can't outsource responsibility. And there's a

00:37:32.060 couple of key areas that I would say. You can't outsource your relationship, the responsibility

00:37:36.020 of your relationships. But like, I can't have you talk with my wife and say, hey, will you just be

00:37:42.540 an advocate for me? And like, that's the relationship is going to be okay because I

00:37:46.100 have some surrogate coming in here. Like, that's not going to work, right? Same thing with the

00:37:50.240 responsibility of your finances. And as a former financial advisor, I'd have people do that all the

00:37:54.520 time. They thought that because they hired me or somebody else that they no longer had any

00:37:57.980 responsibility over their financial affairs. And then when the market would go south and be like,

00:38:02.060 will you, okay, yes. But you also have a responsibility in this. You have a part to

00:38:08.460 play in this. And then the other one is your health. Like, I can't go ask you to do my sit-ups

00:38:13.580 or my deadlifts or to go to jiu-jitsu for me. Like, you have to do it. So, can I ask you this

00:38:20.540 question? Would you say that's the difference between presiding? Let's use a financial one as

00:38:26.620 an example. That's the difference between presiding and just delegation.

00:38:33.900 Yeah. Well, yes, I would say that, but there's a book over your left shoulder that talks at length

00:38:38.600 about this called sovereignty. And a sovereign man still takes responsibility for his actions

00:38:45.060 and the performance of his affairs.

00:38:47.100 Whether they're getting coaching or not.

00:38:48.780 Yeah. Yes.

00:38:49.640 They still own it.

00:38:51.140 Right. And if you think about a kingdom, a king, for example, it's the king's kingdom,

00:38:55.820 but he has people in different positions, advisors and warriors and scholars. He has

00:39:02.140 different people in different positions to make sure everything gets done. It's still his kingdom.

00:39:07.340 He still needs to rule the kingdom and everything comes back to him.

00:39:10.700 So, okay. That's the warmup for the question. Yeah. I think it's called 21 Laws of Wealth is one of

00:39:19.740 them that I really like. Depending on what you're looking at.

00:39:23.420 Are you quoted in that one?

00:39:24.480 I don't think so.

00:39:26.180 What's the one that you're quoted in? Building wealth, defining wealth, investment of wealth?

00:39:31.020 Oh, with Austin Netsley, I think you're talking about.

00:39:33.660 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:39:35.020 I don't remember what it's called right offhand.

00:39:37.220 Yeah, me either.

00:39:38.580 Okay. I'm sorry.

00:39:39.300 Are you in front of your computer? Google it while I just Austin Netsley book and I'll give

00:39:44.060 you a couple other recommendations. I don't know exactly where you are with regards to your

00:39:47.860 finances, but of course, you know, there's some basic stuff that you can learn from Dave Ramsey on

00:39:53.060 basic budgeting, debt, getting your cashflow in order, that sort of stuff. A Random Walk Down

00:40:01.420 Wall Street is a great book specifically on investing. But even if you want to know basic

00:40:08.020 investing terminology, which I think is important that, you know, that gives you a foundation for

00:40:12.040 everything else. Investopedia.com is actually a great place where you can go in and learn about

00:40:17.780 what are derivatives? What is a yield? What is a bond? You can learn about all this stuff.

00:40:23.240 So, you know, it's out there, but there's a couple of recommendations for you.

00:40:26.000 Yeah. So, Austin's book, Netsley, Make Money, Live Wealthy.

00:40:30.760 Is that the one you were talking about?

00:40:32.940 Yeah. Yeah. That's the one. Yeah.

00:40:34.660 And then I would say to get specific. So, when it comes to, you're talking about, hey, are there any

00:40:42.540 good financial books or I don't know if you said financial books or investment books, but get

00:40:46.460 specific. Are you talking about real estate? Are you talking about the stock market? Are you talking

00:40:50.680 about crypto? Are you talking about debt? Are you talking about cashflow? Are you talking about

00:40:55.000 insurance? What exactly are you wondering about passive type investing? What is exactly do you want?

00:41:04.060 And then that will help you narrow down your search.

00:41:06.340 Yeah. It's been years since I read Austin's book, but one thing that I got out of that book was

00:41:12.360 defining what wealth is. And I think that same question is even valuable to investment. Like,

00:41:17.040 what's the objective? And that drastically changes things. I think we have a tendency to be like,

00:41:21.460 oh, Ryan, I want to be rich. I want to be a millionaire.

00:41:24.260 Yeah. Sure. All of us do.

00:41:25.660 Yeah. But why? And then once you work out the why, you may define that you actually don't want to be

00:41:30.940 a millionaire. Like one of the examples that I, that I got out of that book is like, I asked my

00:41:35.120 wife, I'm like, Hey, if we were quote unquote, super rich, what does that look like? And she gave 1.00

00:41:40.800 me the list. And I'm like, uh, actually that list is flexibility of time more than it is wealth.

00:41:48.420 So, oh, okay. Well, with that said, I probably should not, maybe my focus isn't about so much about

00:41:54.860 wealth building as much as it is about having enough wealth and flexibility of time to be able to have

00:42:00.580 some freedoms to do whatever we want, whenever we want. Right. Yeah. No, I think it's important

00:42:05.080 to get to the root of the issue and then you can develop a better strategy. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

00:42:10.280 Josh O'Neill, how do you draw a distinction between the desire to advance and grow in your work and

00:42:16.360 career and the biblical mandate to be content with what you have and where you are? As I continue to

00:42:22.140 refine my vision for my life and career, I have a desire to progress and grow in scope,

00:42:26.520 but I want to avoid stepping into the realm of growing for the sake of growth rather than keeping

00:42:32.160 in step where God has placed me and where he is guiding me. Thanks for taking questions. Keep up

00:42:37.660 the good work, Josh. So there's a really popular misconception in society that says, you know,

00:42:44.420 you should just be content and happy with where you are and what you are. That actually isn't very,

00:42:50.580 it's, it's, it's just not helpful and it's not good. In fact, I would argue it's not biblical.

00:42:57.220 Okay. So, and I had a guy talk to me about this on Instagram the other day and he was like, well,

00:43:01.400 you know, self, self care is, is bad because the Bible says, I don't even know what he quoted. I'm

00:43:05.780 like, what are you talking about? Yeah. The, the, the, the second, uh, the, the, the first great

00:43:11.140 commandment, right. Is to, uh, love, love, or walls to, to serve God first, right. Love God.

00:43:17.240 And then it's to love others as thyself. Right. So, but what people miss about that is as thyself,

00:43:26.840 love others as thyself. That means you have to love yourself. Self-love is a biblical concept

00:43:35.160 and self-love is directly correlated with self-improvement because if you don't love

00:43:41.000 yourself, you're not, you don't care about yourself enough to invest. Like, what do you,

00:43:44.520 what do you invest in your time, your energy, your attention, your resources, the things that

00:43:49.400 have value to you. So if you're supposed to be valuable to yourself, love thy neighbor as thyself,

00:43:56.300 then you would invest your time and your energy and your resources into yourself for improvement,

00:44:03.180 but also for the benefit of others and the benefit of his kingdom.

00:44:07.000 And, and they're not mutually exclusive. When I improve, I'm, I have more capacity to serve others,

00:44:15.420 which will help them fulfill their missions and their purpose and the things that they're there

00:44:20.480 to do. So there is a distinction here though, because we don't want to just chase for the sake

00:44:25.360 of chasing. This goes back to what you were saying about why do you want wealth? What's the point?

00:44:29.700 You know, is it to serve others? Is it to have more time? Like what exactly is it?

00:44:32.660 But here's the distinction between, and I don't care what verb or what, what word you use. Cause

00:44:37.320 people say, you know, contentment, complacency, uh, there's all sorts of words people use,

00:44:43.820 but I would say, here's the difference. Gratitude, gratitude. How do you, how do you maintain gratitude

00:44:51.220 while still progressing? Is that what you're saying? No, I'm saying that you should have gratitude

00:44:58.300 for the things that you have, right? I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my health. I'm

00:45:05.680 grateful for technology that we can do things like this. I'm grateful for the freedoms that we have,

00:45:11.600 where I can travel to California and do these other things that bring me meaning and fulfillment.

00:45:15.860 I'm grateful that I have the ability to communicate effectively so I can serve others. I'm grateful for

00:45:20.900 all of those things. And because I'm grateful for it, I can pour more into it because I acknowledge

00:45:27.040 that it's here and I acknowledge I have it. And I don't forget where I come from and I don't forget

00:45:32.200 the things in front of me, but that doesn't mean that I can't go out and pursue even more

00:45:37.140 in my own life to improve. So, cause I know guys who will just aimlessly just chase and chase and

00:45:44.060 chase and chase. I'm like, why are you chasing? And it's because they aren't happy with what they

00:45:48.540 have because they're not expressing any gratitude for what they have.

00:45:51.760 How do you, how do you not have those things trump each other? Right. Cause I do think,

00:46:00.000 and you know, and we talk about it a little bit in iron council where, you know, sometimes we're,

00:46:04.800 we're so focused on constant improvement, right? It's like, be better, be better. And we,

00:46:09.700 we don't stop and reflect sometimes and actually be grateful for what we have. Or if maybe we sit

00:46:15.260 around and we're just, you know, grateful all the time, does that prevent one individual from

00:46:20.580 pursuing, you know, and making things better in their life?

00:46:25.080 Yeah. If all you did was sat around and decided to be grateful for everything that you had,

00:46:29.140 well, you're, that's not self-love. You're not improving yourself. I can be grateful for the bag

00:46:34.420 of chips and the ability to sit in front of my TV and watch, you know, Netflix or binge watch porn.

00:46:40.820 And I can be grateful for that. Is that making me better? Yeah. Is that improving myself? Is that,

00:46:48.500 and I'm saying it in the context of that question, is that, is that improving his kingdom?

00:46:55.720 No. So just gratitude alone isn't enough. Oh, and here's another thing. Well, if you're grateful

00:47:04.420 for things, aren't you going to treat it better? Yeah. Right. Like if I'm grateful for,

00:47:09.660 uh, my vehicle, because I appreciate it, it, I appreciate the technology. I paid for it. I worked

00:47:17.540 for it because I developed a set of skills that allowed me to pay for it. And I have a lot of

00:47:21.320 gratitude for that. Aren't I going to treat that better? And what does treat it better mean? It

00:47:26.420 means that you're going to wash it, that you're going to do regular maintenance, like oil changes,

00:47:31.040 that you're going to vacuum it out, that you're not going to have people eat chips and junk,

00:47:36.040 that you're not going to have trash all over the thing that you're going to, that that's,

00:47:40.020 if you're grateful for a vehicle, that's what you would do. If you're grateful for yourself and your

00:47:43.700 abilities, you're going to improve on those abilities. If like your body, for example,

00:47:48.880 another biblical concept, your body's a temple. If you're grateful for your body, you're going to

00:47:54.140 eat the right foods. You're going to exercise it. You're going to stretch. You're going to hydrate.

00:47:58.720 You're going to sleep. You're going to do all of these things because you're grateful

00:48:02.020 for what you have and therefore you're going to maintain it better. So there's no, they're not

00:48:06.660 at odds. Like they really aren't being grateful for what you have. And then trying to improve

00:48:12.000 you asked, how do you, how do you maintain? They're, they're the same. If you're, if you're

00:48:18.380 truly grateful, cause look, you don't invest in things you aren't grateful for. Like there's

00:48:22.480 things in this office that I'm sure, like I haven't given a second thought in the last two years.

00:48:27.260 And, and I don't take care of, there's probably dust on things that I haven't looked at because I

00:48:31.940 don't, I'm not grateful for it necessarily. Yeah. Now I could see that. Like I, I I'm seeing

00:48:37.760 right now, like if I'm truly grateful for my life and the, and the opportunities placed before me

00:48:45.020 and this new day, I'm going to show up today drastically different. If I'm grateful for my job,

00:48:52.660 am I going to be a hundred percent at what I do at my job? Yeah. If I'm really grateful for it.

00:48:58.340 Yeah, for sure. I like that. Yeah. So take care of yourself. It's not at odds with his desire for

00:49:04.980 you. Here's another thing that really frustrates me. And then we'll move on from here. I hear this

00:49:09.160 a lot with spiritual people. They'll say, well, if it's God's will. Yeah. What are you talking about?

00:49:16.480 Like I understand kind of what you're saying. Like if you do all of your work and do everything,

00:49:22.820 then you trust that things will work out and pan out. I get that concept, but the way that most

00:49:28.880 people use that when I hear it is they're reliant on him to show them the path or to like lay it out

00:49:38.180 before them without them having to do work. And that's bull crap. It's not how it works. Think about 0.99

00:49:45.360 yourself as a father. You want what's best for your children. Okay. You can't really get involved.

00:49:53.760 You can influence, you can inspire, you can lead, you can present opportunities. There's a lot of

00:50:00.340 things that you can do as a father of your children, but you can't drag them through.

00:50:06.080 You can't manipulate every little situation. So their life is what you think you want it to be.

00:50:12.340 God's the very much the same way. He he's given you everything. What do you mean? If it's God's

00:50:18.620 will, his will is that you thrive. His will is that you take your talents and your gifts and your

00:50:24.000 abilities and your opportunities, and you magnify them. You use them. It's not his will that you sit

00:50:31.400 your ass on the couch talking about, I wish God would do something. He's up there thinking, 0.99

00:50:35.640 I wish Ryan would do something with all of these blessings I've given him. So you got to do your

00:50:43.160 part and trust that if here's God's will, if you do everything that you can, then your life will work

00:50:51.520 out the way that he sees best fit for you. That's God's will. Not, and let me just sit back and hope

00:50:57.780 he presents me with everything. Yeah. And because why growth is in the struggle growth is in figured out

00:51:04.240 growth is in freedom and being self-directed and buying into whatever it is that you're doing,

00:51:12.520 not coercion, not the removal of freedom and it being forced upon you. Right. And I, the correlations

00:51:20.420 between bad parenting and that example and the example of, and kind of the evils around doing things

00:51:28.260 on behalf of other people and taking away their freedoms is so biblical that it's crazy, but right. 0.99

00:51:34.320 Well, and, and here's another thing to consider. If you're listening to this and you don't believe in

00:51:38.980 God, Kip, you and I are still right. Yeah. If you take care of your talents, if you take care of your

00:51:46.440 gifts and your abilities, if you magnify them, if you go to work, if you do right, if you try to serve

00:51:52.120 others, if you take care of your body, life has a funny way of working in your favor over the long

00:52:01.280 haul. That's not to say that you aren't going to be faced with challenges and obstacles and hurdles,

00:52:05.180 but over the longterm life has a funny way of returning exactly what you put into it.

00:52:12.240 Whether you're thinking about God, it's God. But if you don't believe that, then it's still,

00:52:17.480 the concept still applies. So don't overlook what we're saying just because you think, well,

00:52:23.140 here we go. Getting preachy. No, we're giving you tools that will work in any environment,

00:52:28.340 in any situation. Yeah, for sure. Cool. All right. George Hyman,

00:52:34.520 any opinions on the effects of the housing shortage we'll have on millennials?

00:52:40.900 Yeah. Well, they're not going to have affordable living. I mean, that's really what it comes down to.

00:52:45.540 So everything's going to be more expensive. So what does that lead to? That leads to

00:52:51.200 government handout. That leads to inflation. And so you're going to have a lot of people who are

00:52:59.320 going to live with who? Mommy and daddy. Like there's a lot of issues that this will trickle

00:53:04.540 down to. So here's what we do. We stop artificially inflating the currency. And when I say we,

00:53:11.680 I'm talking about the government, the government stops artificially inflating everything by getting

00:53:16.980 their hands and their greasy fingers all over the affairs of everybody's businesses and dealings 0.81

00:53:23.660 and everything else. And we allow capitalism, free markets to work the way they can work,

00:53:31.180 which is regulated through the billions and billions of people on the planet.

00:53:36.500 And it's unforgiving and it's brutal and it's ruthless in its judgment of you.

00:53:48.300 Look, I've fallen into traps where I think, well, why don't I have what this person? Why don't I have

00:53:52.020 with that? Why don't I have as many followers? Why don't I have as many listeners? It's because

00:53:56.760 I haven't offered as much value as those individuals, period. End of story. And people,

00:54:04.640 people don't like that because they think that that's tied to my worth or their worth, I should

00:54:09.960 say. Yeah. Well, I'm important. I'm important though. And I, yes, nobody's saying you don't

00:54:16.620 have inherent worth as a human being. That's not what anybody's saying, but your worth to the market

00:54:21.120 doesn't care about your feelings and what you think you deserve. It cares about the end result,

00:54:28.000 the bottom line. So if I want to get better in relationship to how much money I make and how

00:54:33.240 many people I impact, very simple. I got to put out a better product. Yeah. And, and just let,

00:54:40.240 let's get the government out of the way and let people do what they do best. Now the counter argument

00:54:45.900 to this is, well, what about those people, you know, who are, who are, uh, who can't do it for

00:54:50.180 themselves? And look, we also have, and we've talked about it on the podcast for six years.

00:54:54.980 We have a responsibility as men preside. That's the third component of our, our masculinity.

00:55:01.120 We have a responsibility to lift others up. So if there's somebody who's less privileged than me,

00:55:08.400 or doesn't have the same opportunities or is, uh, mentally handicapped by their, their own,

00:55:14.720 you know, cognition or abilities, I, I have a moral responsibility to take what I have and use it

00:55:24.300 for the betterment of other people. One of the exercises we did at this, this event I was telling

00:55:28.360 you about earlier, the squire program with Bedros is, uh, they had us thinking about words that we

00:55:34.780 use to define ourself. And ultimately it comes to a spearhead. Like, what is it your ultimate

00:55:40.580 word that, that, that is used to describe you? And I went a little bit different on it. And one

00:55:45.580 of the words that really came to mind as we did this exercise is empowerment, empowerment. So for

00:55:51.200 me, the ability to empower other people is my calling. Simon Sinek talks a lot about this in his

00:55:59.480 book, start with why, because I want to empower people right now it's through order of man. It could

00:56:05.200 be through any number of ventures and it is because I do other things as well. Right. But ultimately I want to,

00:56:10.420 to empower other people. So I don't know how we got there from the housing shortage, but

00:56:17.780 ultimately us, us helping those less unfortunate. Right. Let's, let's get out of the way. Government get

00:56:26.700 out of the way. Let's improve our skills and our abilities. Let's stop artificially inflating the

00:56:33.600 currency. Let's stop giving handouts to people that don't need it because really what you, it's like,

00:56:39.320 it's like giving an antibody or an antibiotic to somebody who isn't sick. So you give an antibiotic

00:56:45.980 to somebody who isn't sick and what does their body do? Well, it builds up immunities against that.

00:56:50.180 And now next time when they're actually sick, those antibodies don't work because the bacteria,

00:56:55.880 the infection already learned how to fight off that because you gave it when it wasn't necessary.

00:57:01.040 This is what's, that's what happens when you give handouts to people who don't need it. You're not

00:57:06.780 helping them. You're hurting them in the longterm. So let individuals do it. And it's always funny to

00:57:14.000 me is a lot of people believe that individuals alone, uh, are, are evil and they won't help other

00:57:21.580 people. And they're only out for themselves and they're selfish, but the government isn't comprised

00:57:27.320 of a bunch of assholes like that. Isn't going to do what? I know. What, what is, what are you 1.00

00:57:35.280 thinking? So here's how we improve that by being good people, helping other people. So noble intentions

00:57:43.580 and the capability to back it up. Because if my intentions are to serve people, but I don't have

00:57:48.380 the capacity, the time, energy resources, or money to serve people. I mean, my intentions can only go

00:57:53.660 so far. Yeah. But if I have noble intentions and I have money and I have time and I have energy to be

00:58:01.260 able to step into those noble intentions, the sky's the limit. Yeah. And there's a relationship

00:58:08.600 component that's available to all parties involved when people are rising up to assist one another

00:58:16.360 versus when, uh, an elusive identity of government is helping someone. There is, there's no relationship

00:58:25.220 there, right there. I I'm not now like increased accountability because, you know, my neighbors

00:58:31.760 played so much percent taxes and, and their taxes went to assist me. And so now I have a sense of

00:58:38.420 obligation to like serve them back that, that goes away completely when, when we have government

00:58:45.040 involvement. But when you have community involvement and community standing for one another, now we're

00:58:51.000 talking about not only strengthening the relationship, but also assisting people at the

00:58:55.100 same time. And there's a big difference, right? Like I do not find any, any sense of fulfillment

00:59:02.820 from the percent of taxes I pay. Right. Right. And go, Oh, well, you know, 5% of my taxes went

00:59:09.980 towards these good, good things. And so I feel good about myself. No, that's so drastically different

00:59:15.780 than me rising up back to a question earlier today and coaching a young team, you know, to,

00:59:23.520 to be an, a positive influence or me helping someone create opportunities for someone else that's

00:59:29.520 struggling financially. Right. Those are so drastically different. And, and when we have relying

00:59:35.240 government handout, we're ripping that opportunity away from people. Now with that said, that's not

00:59:40.080 an excuse. Oh, well, Kip, I'm not going to do it because I pay my taxes and I'm not going to do this

00:59:44.120 other thing. I'm not saying that we should still rise up, but yeah, anyhow, I'm regurgitating what you

00:59:50.500 have already said. So. It was that good. It was worth repeating. What a mess. All right. Nice question.

00:59:59.200 All right. Billy, uh, who kill I'm five years out of my first marriage. My ex-wife is still trying to 1.00

01:00:06.480 control everything. Um, I, with our three children, I'm trying to set boundaries with my ex-wife and my

01:00:13.420 family. Is there a book or a podcast on setting boundaries that you recommend?

01:00:21.380 No, there is. I mean, like we've talked about it at length about boundaries.

01:00:25.280 There, there is one. There's a crucial, is it crucial boundaries, crucial conversations?

01:00:31.760 No, there's crucial conversations, but I think I'll follow up to the author. Let me see. I think

01:00:37.200 so. Let me look. Cause I know crucial conversations is one of your, uh, one of your favorites, isn't

01:00:41.480 it? Yeah, it is one of my favorites. I didn't know he had a crucial boundaries. Uh, I thought

01:00:46.280 there was maybe, yeah, look crucial boundaries book and see what comes up. Maybe not. Oh,

01:00:54.560 that's crucial conversation. Oh, maybe it's just called boundaries. I don't know. I'll have to look,

01:00:59.440 but yeah, I mean, there, there are things out there. Okay. If you just look in boundaries,

01:01:03.080 you're going to find a book. Um, there's not one in particular that I've read, but yeah,

01:01:07.300 when it comes to your wife, you've got to establish those. We talked at length about that earlier,

01:01:11.160 how to do that. Um, but again, three part formula first comes self-respect. Are you, you need to ask

01:01:18.340 yourself is, are you doing everything that you can to improve yourself? Not for her, not for the kids

01:01:25.180 that will come. That's a, that's, that's a result of you taking care of yourself, but are you doing

01:01:30.100 everything that you can to develop and build your level of self-worth and self-respect? That's the

01:01:36.420 first question you need to ask yourself and inventory. And if you're falling short in one

01:01:40.100 department, okay, now, you know, that gives you the benchmark. So you can build upon that and get

01:01:46.600 better and improve and develop and grow. And as you do that, I think what you're going to find

01:01:51.740 is that she becomes more agreeable. She becomes easier to work with because there's not a whole 0.97

01:02:01.960 lot of contention. There might be things that you're doing that raise barriers and walls for her. 0.93

01:02:06.460 Now, I'm not saying that she doesn't have issues that she needs to work out. Maybe she does. Probably 1.00

01:02:10.720 she does just like all of us, but you can focus on your component of it. And then you, once you do

01:02:16.500 that, you have more authority to lay the groundwork, right? Cause if I go, if I go to my wife and let's 1.00

01:02:21.820 say I've been a fat slob for 10 years, I eat whatever I want. I drink whenever I want. I don't 0.94

01:02:28.000 exercise. I don't diet. I do nothing to take care of myself physically. And then I, and then I go to

01:02:33.020 her cause she's put on a few pounds and I say, hon, I don't really think you ought to, you ought to maybe

01:02:37.620 go to the gym. How do you think that's going to work out? I got you a gym membership for Christmas.

01:02:43.800 Right. How do you think that's going to play out? Okay. Now let's, let's change this up a little bit.

01:02:51.220 If I've been in shape and I'm dieting and I'm exercising and I take care of myself and I take

01:02:56.720 care of my body and, and she puts on a few pounds, I would argue it probably wouldn't even happen 1.00

01:03:02.500 cause you're the leader of the home and she's going to be influenced by that. But if she does

01:03:08.040 and I come to it and I approach it, it's still going to be a touchy subject, but I approach it

01:03:11.920 with a level of respect, but also from a position of authority, because she looks at me and sees what

01:03:17.500 I'm doing. And I say, Hey hon, I really think as a family, we ought to do this more so we can all be

01:03:22.100 healthy. How are you feeling about yourself? And you, you approached it from that perspective,

01:03:26.600 still going to be a touchy situation. I'm not saying that, but you have the authority to be able to

01:03:31.280 broach that conversation. When we were at this event, Bedro said something very interesting.

01:03:39.000 He said, you know, I can look at your boys and I can match them up with their fathers

01:03:43.560 just by looking at the body types. Yeah. I can look at your boy and I can look at you and I can

01:03:49.640 know that you're a father and son without knowing your father and son. And he said, that should be a

01:03:54.020 good thing, not a bad thing. Yeah. And that goes to this question about authority, influence,

01:04:00.280 the way that you're showing up is the way she's going to respond. Majority of the time, not always

01:04:06.580 because people have their own, their own free will, but the majority of the time you're going to

01:04:11.420 find that the people around you are going to respond based on who you are and how you personally

01:04:17.100 are performing. So you want other people to perform different. You perform differently.

01:04:22.820 And if you perform differently, she's going to respond to that, but there's a lot of books.

01:04:26.420 You can go look them up. I can't find that book that we were, we were looking at, but there's

01:04:30.560 all sorts of books on boundaries and crucial conversations, which is another book that I

01:04:34.740 think would address this, this subject. And then the boundaries conversation we had earlier

01:04:38.720 on this podcast. Okay. All right. So call to action, a couple of things we talked about.

01:04:46.680 I mean, we just started a new quarter at the beginning of July for you guys that are wanting

01:04:51.940 to get on task and work on your goals for the next quarter. Sign up for the battle planning app

01:04:59.360 to learn more about that app. Go to 12 week. That's one that let the numbers one, two, 12 week

01:05:05.940 battle planner.com. Also, you can also sign up for the battle ready program at order man.com slash

01:05:13.900 battle ready. And of course, as always follow Mr. Mickler on Insta and Twitter at Ryan Mitchler.

01:05:22.320 That's C H L E R. You got to mess with me, man. Mickler. 1.00

01:05:28.780 Um, with the battle planning stuff, here's what I'd say. 12 week battle planner.com. That's the

01:05:33.640 number 12. So 12 week battle planner.com. That's how you say that by the way, Kip, instead of

01:05:37.780 stumbling all over the numbers and words and everything else, that's how you do that. Just,

01:05:40.980 just putting that out there. Let's record this and I'll watch it later and order a man.com slash

01:05:47.560 battle ready with those two resources. Every one of your questions today will be touched on.

01:05:53.520 You will get better in every single one of these questions, even the jujitsu questions. And I'll

01:05:57.020 tell you why I was like, well, maybe it doesn't apply to no, it does. Here's why, because you'll

01:06:00.700 be able to plan your day out more effectively and you'll be able to schedule your jujitsu

01:06:06.840 or your workouts or whatever it is. So the battle planning stuff that Kip, we've put together

01:06:11.780 will hit on every single one of these subjects. So again, 12 week battle planner.com, the number

01:06:17.440 12, and then order a man.com slash battle ready. I think that's all we got, right, Kip?

01:06:24.000 Yep. Get on the court. All right, you guys appreciate you. Great questions today. Keep

01:06:28.880 them coming. Keep engaged, share, rate, review, like, comment, et cetera, et cetera. That's how

01:06:34.000 we continue to grow the movement, this grassroots movement and reclaiming and restoring masculinity.

01:06:37.900 We will be back on Friday, but until then go out there, take action and become a man you

01:06:42.840 are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge

01:06:47.880 of your life and be more of a man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of

01:06:53.040 man.com.

Order of Man - July 21, 2021

The Power of Proximity, BJJ in the Real World, and the 3-Part Formula for Effective Boundaries ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript