The Power of Proximity, BJJ in the Real World, and the 3-Part Formula for Effective Boundaries ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 6 minutes
Words per Minute
187.64107
Summary
On this episode of the podcast, the brother and sister duo of the sit down and talk about traveling with their kids and the things they do to keep them awake on the long flights. They also talk about their recent trip to California and the experience they had with their son, Brecken.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Hey, what's up, man? It's good to see you. I got back an hour ago
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from my trip to California, so I'm a little scatterbrained, but like we've talked about,
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we don't miss episodes, whether it's me or you or just you or just me. We don't miss episodes, so
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here I am. Totally. Tired. So, red eye? Or did you just leave insanely early from California?
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No. So, we left yesterday after the event. It was an all-night event, and then we flew
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from California to Maine, and then we just stayed in a hotel last night because I was so exhausted.
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So, we just got out of the airport. Yeah. And then I just drove up this morning. So,
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we were beat. And my son was exhausted. He was doing crazy stuff on the plane. He was literally
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asleep, and he was untying and tying his shoe and then like messing with my light. He was messing with
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the tray table. And then the funniest is I was sitting there, and he was asleep, and he was in the
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middle. I was at the window seat, and another guy was in the aisle seat. And he leans his head over
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and lays on the guy and puts his arm on his leg, like on his thigh. And so, I bump him and wake him
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up. I'm like, Breck, stop being a little weirdo. Come over here. And he's like, oh, did I do something
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weird again? I said, no, you're good because I didn't want to embarrass him, you know? And then
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he kind of came to and he's like, what did I do? And I told him and he was so embarrassed. But the guy
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was cool about it. I'm like, I'm sorry. We did this all night event. He's exhausted. He's a little
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delirious. And the guy's like, oh, it's no problem. I was just weirded out when he laid on my shoulder
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and put his hand on my leg. I said, yeah, I get that. My wife and I, we're horrible travelers, at
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least horrible for our kids. Like if there's a discount for our kid not to sit by us, we'll be like,
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no, no, no. You know, Kyabe, you're fine sitting up there by yourself. And so, we've done that a ton,
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especially with the older boys where they're kind of like in random locations on the plane.
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Right. Right. And Kyabe is the same way. I'd go up and check on him. He's like leaning on the guy
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sleeping. And I'm like nudging him like, dude, come on. Like stop laying on people. But he's,
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he's crazy too. When he's tired, like crazy. Yeah. Brecken's usually not, but he was,
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well, you just get, he got chewed out for 15 hours straight before that. And he was going through
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rigorous, you know, physical stuff. So, he was in a weird place, but yeah, it was funny.
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That's cool. So, this was a father and son event that you went to in California.
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Yeah. It was with Bedros Koulian, who's a friend and he's been on the podcast several times,
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but he does a program called the Squire Program. And last year I went out to speak at it and I saw
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enough that I wanted to come back, but not enough that kept me from not going out there. So,
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I was like, let me, let me, let me try this, you know, as, as a participant in Bedros was kind
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enough to invite me back out there. And I spoke again. But this time I went through as a participant
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and it was, it was awesome. Very cool. Yeah. So, gave us a perspective for our, our upcoming
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father-son event, but also, you know, when I'm at our father-son event, I don't get to participate
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the same way that the guys that come out do. Totally. I, you know, so I have to, I have to get
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that in a different environment. So, cause I don't want to ask people to do something that I'm not
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willing to do myself. So, it's pretty cool to go out there and I surfed for the first time,
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which was cool. Yeah. Yeah. So, we had a good time. How did you do? Good. Yeah. We went to Dana
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Point and waves were pretty, pretty mild. They weren't, you know, big or anything. How far out
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was the break? I don't know. It wasn't that far. I mean, it was, it was, there was a couple of
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different breaks and we stayed up front initially with the more smaller rolling type waves just to
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get our feet under us. Yeah. And both Brecken and I stood up and then we went out a little bit
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further and tried to catch some bigger waves and, you know, got pummeled and stood up. So, we were
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both able to get up. We both got banged up a little bit, but man, we had a great time.
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Did you wear a rash guard? I have to ask. Oh yeah, I did. Yeah. Oh, you did. Okay. So,
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did you get, I, when I don't wear rash guard on my ribs at the top of my, on the bottom part of my ribs,
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just wears it like raw. Yeah. Sandpaper. Yeah. No, we, okay. I was smart enough and I told Brecken,
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I'm like, Hey, let's both wear rash guards. So, we wore our jujitsu origin rash guards while we
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were surfing. Yeah. So, it was good. Yeah. We had a great time. Cool. Yeah, man. That's awesome.
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So, I'm back. Here we are. Fielding questions. Fielding questions. AMA from Facebook. Let's do it,
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man. I know these are leftovers from last week. So, let's get after it. Yeah. Yeah. There was a good job,
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guys. These were good enough questions that were like, you know what? Let's, let's hold on to some
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of these and press them forward. Not a set expectation. Although some of these questions,
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well, they're fun, but then there's a really good one. So, hopefully we'll get, we'll get time to get
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over to you. All right. Cool. Facebook.com slash group slash order of man. Follow us there to submit
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future questions to AMA or just bandwidth us on Facebook. All right. Simmons Stevens, Simon Stevens,
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what made you choose Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu over any other martial art? And do you think people can find
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the same value you find in BJJ attending a different martial art? So, the answer to the
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second question, right off the cuff, I would say, yes, I think you can find the same value in a lot of
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different places and not even martial arts necessarily. I just think martial arts is a great
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place for the life lessons, for the physicality, for the confrontation, for the improvement of yourself.
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So, being uncomfortable, working on violence a little bit, all of that stuff that we've talked
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about, but yes, you can get a lot of the same lessons doing other things as well. To the first
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question, why Jiu-Jitsu? This is a question of proximity and it's actually very, very important,
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not just the Jiu-Jitsu component of it, but the people that you spend time with. So, the reason that I
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got involved with Jiu-Jitsu is because everybody I knew who I thought highly of was doing Jiu-Jitsu.
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Period. You were doing it, Matthew Arrington, heavily involved in Jiu-Jitsu. Of course, Pete
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Roberts and the Origin crew heavily involved in Jiu-Jitsu. So, it's only a matter of proximity
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because I really didn't know anything else about it until I got involved. So, there's a greater
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answer here, which is the people that you spend time with are going to impact your decisions
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consciously or subconsciously. So, you better make sure that you're not hanging around assholes
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and that you're hanging out around the right kind of people involved in the right activities
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with the correct mindset, with values that are important to you. Otherwise, you're going to get
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down a rabbit hole that isn't really going to serve you the way that you want to be served.
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So, purely proximity. It very easily could have been krav or wrestling or karate or whatever if I
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would have been around individuals who were doing that. But that's as simple as I can make that answer.
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Sure. That's great. It's funny. Most of the time when I come in, I'm like, if you don't mind,
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you know, but at this point after 160 episodes. You just know I mind and you're going to do it
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anyway. Yeah. I should probably just do it and stop asking. I'd like to add one thought that I
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think Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a little bit different than some martial arts that you might get out of it
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that you want to get out of others. And I nerded out about flow state and deep work and just highly
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focused and being highly focused on what that gives for your psyche and how mental health benefits from
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that thought process. I think you can get that probably more from Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu than you do
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other martial arts. There's an element of the example that most people say is like human chess, right?
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But there's this element of hyper focus in the moment. And especially if you have the right training
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partners where you can go a hundred percent and you can get your body into that moment of fight and
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flight and all you're worried about is just blocking that choke from your neck. Like there's zero other
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thoughts in your mind in that moment. And I think Jiu-Jitsu does have the tendency to create that
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flow state probably more than other martial arts. I'm not saying other martial arts don't,
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but that's one very common trait that you hear from a lot of guys that do Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is
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their ability to get into flow state so much that big tech companies, for instance, in Silicon Valley,
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Google and Facebook, and some of these companies have latched on to providing Jiu-Jitsu within their
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corporations because of the flow state benefit that their employees are getting from it. That's how
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much that this is starting to get recognized. So now with that said, I'm not saying it's not
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available in other martial arts, but it's certainly a common trait that you hear a lot about from Jiu-Jitsu
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practitioners. I think you're right that it can create the flow state, but I don't know that it's
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going to create it better than boxing. You know, if you have a guy that's standing in front of you that
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wants to punch you in the face and you want to punch him in the face, I would say that's probably
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very similar. I've never boxed professionally or taken in lessons, but I bet it's probably similar.
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So I wouldn't discount that necessarily, but here's another component that we need to address
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is that Jiu-Jitsu will allow you to stay in the game. I think longer than boxing, for example.
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Well, you can't go a hundred percent. I went a hundred percent boxing with you every day.
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Right. We're two days in and I'm taking a break. Right. Exactly. I'm like, my brain can't handle it.
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Right. And that's what I mean is that you can stay in it. You can train Jiu-Jitsu every day. In fact,
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you could train really multiple times a day if you wanted to. And I know plenty of guys who do, and
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they do it five, six days a week. And some of those are multiple times per day. So that's one added
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benefit is that regardless of where you are on your fitness scale, regardless of your current
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ability to perform, because you may or may not be familiar with martial arts or Jiu-Jitsu,
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there's always a place that you can enter and it's sustainable as long as you're smart.
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You know, I know guys that have got injured and some of it, you know, it's just like a random injury
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and other is like, well, yeah, that was kind of dumb. You shouldn't, you were compromised and you
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let your ego get in the way and you ended up, you know, getting yourself in a position that
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was worse than it had to be. So be smart. Don't let the ego get in the way and you can,
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you can train just fine. Yeah. The, the ultimate lie of Brazil Jiu-Jitsu is this,
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the gentle art and you'll never get injured. No, it's not. That's up to you to determine if
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you're going to get injured or not. But trust me, when you're giving it your all and you're
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tweaking your back in a weird way to try to get out, you'll just get just as injured as anything
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else. And I mean, I train with a lot of guys and we have blown out knees and all kinds of stuff
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on a regular basis, shoulders, shoulders, knees, ribs. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Ribs for sure. Sometimes.
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So you don't know this, but I just, so I recorded last week, a podcast with someone I'll tell you who
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it was in a minute and it released yesterday. So Tuesday, since this is coming out, we're recording
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Monday. So you don't know yet, but I just recorded a great conversation with Hicks and Gracie last week.
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Nice. Yeah. So we had, dude, I'm telling you, it was funny. Cause he, he showed up and he's in this
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white, it must've been either his studio or his training gym. And it's like gray with pads. It
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kind of looks like, like a psych ward or something, you know, where you're put in solitary confinement
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and it's just white. And he's got this white shirt with this, these white shorts. And he's got this
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gold chain with the, with the triangle, like that Gracie triangle of jujitsu. And then he's got,
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he's, he speaks Portuguese, right? Cause he's from Brazil. And so he's got his accent. I'm like,
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holy cow, this guy can murder me at any given moment. And he just, the presence that he had and
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just, just something about him. You just, when he sat there, I was like, this guy is, and he's
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older now, you know? So he's, he's a grandfather now, but I'm like, this guy is serious business,
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but we had a great conversation. Very cool. Very cool. I love it, man. All right. Next question.
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Eric Kovach, have you or Kip ever used Brazilian jujitsu in real world outside of the gym self-defense
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situation? No, I haven't been in a physical altercation that where I needed to use jujitsu,
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but I will say this. I wonder if I've kept myself out of situations because of jujitsu. So one example
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that comes to mind is months ago it was, it was in the winter time. I pulled up to this gas pump
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and the one in front of me was out of order, the gas pump in front of me. So I pulled to the second
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one and you know how it's just common courtesy. If there's two pumps, you pull up to the forward
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one. So somebody can come in behind you. That's just common courtesy. Well, I couldn't do that
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because the pump in front of me was out of order. So the snowmobiler comes down off the snowmobile trail
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and he kind of pulls alongside of me and he couldn't see that the one was out of order.
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And all he could see is that I hadn't pulled up. And so he just starts yelling, just swearing and
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yelling. And my son's there with me. Like, what is this guy's problem? And he's like, can't you F and C
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I'm here? Like you can't pull forward. And, uh, he like gasses a snowmobile around the truck and pulls in
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front of me and comes over to my side of the door of, of the car. And I'm like, if this guy gets
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close, I'm just going to open this door. I'm going to door the shit out of him. Yeah. And, and so he
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comes to my side and then he stops. Cause I'm saying, look, don't come over here. And he goes
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over to my, my, my son's side and on the passenger side. So I start opening the door and I'm like,
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I'm going to, I'm going to crush this guy. And he gets, he starts to come around. I said, look,
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it's out of order. And he comes over and I'm like, you know, this is dumb. That was the moment where
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I'm like, this is dumb. I don't need to get an altercation over the fact that this gas pumps
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out of order. I S and I said, you know, Hey, look, the gas pumps out of order. I'm sorry. You didn't
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see that, but I can't pull any forward. And so as soon as I'm done slide in here and we'll be as
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quick as we possibly can. And he stopped and kind of turned around cause he saw it was out of order
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and walked off. But the thought that it went through my mind of like deescalate the situation,
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this is ridiculous. Two grown ass men don't need to be fighting over the fact that that gas pump is
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out of order. So I'm not sure if that comes from jujitsu necessarily, but there was enough presence
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there where I thought I don't have anything to prove. I don't really feel like getting in a
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physical altercation today. Like that isn't on my schedule. That isn't something I'm willing to risk
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or mess around. I will, if I have to, but this is not one of those moments. So deescalation all was
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fine. We drove along. Everything was cool. So maybe that's an indirect benefit. Maybe not,
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but it felt like there was a bit of presence and clarity that I'm not sure would have been there
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otherwise. Yeah. And, and I want to create that connection for guys that may not understand,
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like, well, you didn't have an altercation. So how could jujitsu possibly benefit you in that
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circumstance? So, so the connection is that if you don't practice much to say, if you don't practice
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violence, whether it's jujitsu or not in that circumstance, you would have went hot, like get got
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wired instantly, right? Your adrenaline would have skyrocketed. You would have possibly gotten
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really crazy emotional and maybe resulted in having a confrontation that was unnecessary.
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Right. When you practice in violence a lot, that confrontation, the adrenaline doesn't kick in as
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much, right? Because you're like, oh, I've had confrontation before. I may know what this might
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look like, you know, like it still kicks in. Right. It's just that you can manage it differently.
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Totally. Totally. And I, and I think that's the, that's the connection, um, to answer the question.
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No, I haven't either. Um, but I do feel that I've been in circumstances where I felt calm.
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Like I felt like, oh, Hey, if this goes South, like I kind of know how I'm going to handle this.
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Right. And I've thought through those scenarios and, and enough now with that said, and I'm sure you
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could say the same thing. Are there guys I train with that have had, you know, I've heard so many
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stories of jujitsu in a world world, real world scenario occurring. And it's all over the place.
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Like everything from being mugged in New York to, I mean, a guy breaking into an office with a knife.
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I mean, a guy starting a fight at a club because he had really bad cauliflower ear and just,
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Hey, you think you're a tough guy? And I mean, all kinds of crazy altercations that I've heard.
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And, and I think one of the best stories or what I've heard that is one of the best things is
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often, if you get an altercation, cops get called and you haven't destroyed anybody's bloody,
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nothing's broken. No one's bloodied up. And, and even if you've just choked the guy
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or have him in a hold or whatever, the probability of the cop coming after you as being overly violent
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is very low. Now that's unofficial and whatever, but I've seen and heard of multiple scenarios by which
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it worked out way better because no striking was used and the altercation was kind of resolved.
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My, uh, my son was telling me about, so when we were at this event, I think Bedros must've told
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them all a story, how he actually had to put somebody to sleep on an airplane. The guy was
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being belligerent and he was drunk and he was hitting the seats in front of them. And, and the,
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uh, flight attendant, a female had zip ties and Bedros is like, what are you doing with those?
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And she said, well, I have to go restrain this guy, but I have to ask him. Like, I guess they're
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required to ask. I didn't, I got a second. Will you please allow me to zip tie you to a chair?
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I got the, uh, I got the story secondhand. So take it with a grain of salt, but apparently
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Bedros had to put the guy to sleep, you know, so they could finally restrain him and, and, and get
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them, you know, calm enough to be able to land and deal with the issue. But, you know, there is another
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thing here that I hear a lot. And so I want to address this is a lot of guys will say, well, you
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know, in a real fight, jujitsu this or jujitsu that. And yes, depending on the circumstances,
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there may be situations where it works or it doesn't work. So I'm under no impression that
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jujitsu is going to work in every scenario. Um, but here's, here's my take. It's better than
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nothing, you know? And, and so I put a video up there of a kid getting beat up by three other kids.
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And I said, this kid needs to know jujitsu. Like he needs to train. And somebody said, well,
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there's nothing that's going to help him against three other guys. And I said, it's better than
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nothing. So what's, so what are you saying? You're saying don't train.
00:19:33.240
Yeah. You're saying don't be physically capable. You're what, what are you saying? I don't
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understand why you would even say that. What, like, where's that coming from? Well, it's not
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going to help you. It might, it might actually keep you out of the altercation. It might help
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you protect yourself better. It might exactly go after the biggest kid and beat the shit out of
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him, put him to sleep or break his arm. And all of a sudden, Oh, the other two kids realize this,
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this guy is serious. And maybe back off. Like there's a lot of things that could happen. So yeah,
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maybe boxing, maybe jujitsu, maybe karate, maybe wrestling, maybe whatever. Okay. Just better than
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nothing. That's the point that I think we need to understand here. And the alternative is to be a
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little bitch and not train at all and not keep you, not even remotely move towards keeping yourself
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safe or other people safe in an environment like this. Yeah. And, and I think any true martial artist,
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as you progress in whatever martial art you're specializing in, you realize what are the,
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the holes in your current martial art? And what are the benefits of others? Right? Like
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Krav Maga is on my list of like, Hey, you know what? There's something to be said for
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eye gouging someone with my thumb, you know, hook in their mouth, tearing their mouth open,
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and then going on to the next guy. I think that's legit. Right? So, and the other thing you have to
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realize too, and I tell my son this, I'm like, Hey, look in training, there's rules in street fights.
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There's no rules. If I get in a fight, I'm going to kick that dude in the nuts as hard as I can.
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And there's no rule that says, Whoa, that's not manly bullshit. Like I'm going to poke him in the
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eye and rip his eyeball out. I'm going to fish hook him. I'm going to kick him in the nuts. I'm
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going to do whatever I can to get home or to help other people get home in a, because they're not
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playing by the rule. There is no rule book they're playing by. So good. I'm going to, I'm going to,
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I'm going to operate under the same premise. Yeah. And guys can do that in jujitsu. I do that in jujitsu
00:21:20.600
sometimes, right? Especially when we have a guy, it sounds about right. When I'm about to submit
00:21:24.520
you, you're like just a quick knee check. I think about it. I think about it. I at least
00:21:29.600
think about it. But when we have guys training for like an MMA fight, you know, I'm managing distance
00:21:34.320
all of a sudden that becomes more important. And I may not even try for an arm bar, right? Like I'll
00:21:39.900
think, Hey, the only option here is back, take and choke. That's my only option, you know? And I'll
00:21:44.980
think about that with certain guys from a street self-defense perspective, right? Because in the
00:21:50.800
end, I think for the most part, when we talk about self-defense and from a street fighting perspective,
00:21:56.140
it's the choke is everything, right? Like you, I think that should be number one option and probably
00:22:02.240
your best option, right? Well, that's, that's going to incapacitate the individual, I think more
00:22:07.180
effectively than doing some sort of arm bar or something like that. Totally. Well, and, and some guys,
00:22:13.440
you know, you get your arm hyper extended. You just piss the guy off some more. You put him to
00:22:17.640
sleep. He might wake up and go, Oh, Hey, I'm all calm. Hey, what's your name? And want to hug it out
00:22:22.920
and be your friend all of a sudden, you know, like, you know, nothing like a little reboot to be put to
00:22:28.000
sleep, to get someone to be straight in their mind. So, yeah, I don't know. Okay. Enough jujitsu.
00:22:33.800
Your jujitsu, your 30 minutes is met today. All right. Clinton Hallett. Could you speak to how a
00:22:41.820
single man, never married to no children can effectively invest into the lives of fatherless
00:22:46.920
boys? Good question. Super easy coach, coach. There's, there's opportunities to coach in your
00:22:52.060
city league. Uh, there's opportunities for big brothers, big sisters programs or YMCA mentorship
00:22:58.120
programs. You know, they're there and available. If you're looking, uh, if you go to your rec center,
00:23:04.120
your community center, and you ask them how you can serve and how you can help in the community,
00:23:07.860
they'll give you opportunities and options. Uh, there's probably volunteering options in,
00:23:12.880
uh, the prison system. There's probably opportunities even at, at schools. One thing I
00:23:19.280
was involved in is a program called school of life foundation. And so us as business owners and
00:23:25.020
people in the community would go in and teach children that were, uh, on detention. So they could
00:23:31.800
go to detention or whatever they could restitution or detention, whatever they called it. And they could
00:23:36.360
get there, you know, five hours or whatever they needed, or if they agreed to come to one of our
00:23:40.940
classes, they get it reduced. So instead of five hours, it'd be two and a half hours. So they'd come
00:23:45.740
to one of our, our, uh, presentations and, uh, we would teach different life skills, communication,
00:23:54.220
effective leadership, just those types of things. Uh, and that was something that we did on a
00:23:59.500
volunteer basis. And it was an opportunity to serve and give back. That was young men and young
00:24:03.800
women. Uh, but there, but the opportunities are there. I would look to your community.
00:24:07.120
I would look to your school system, even talking with a school board. And I would look in the
00:24:11.360
corrections, uh, systems and departments. And I think you'll find plenty of opportunities there.
00:24:16.460
Yeah. I mean, don't overlook your nephews, right? Yeah. Good point. I mean, you're not your
00:24:20.860
nephews for sure. Yeah. Invite them, bring them along. Uh, you're the, you could be the cool
00:24:27.740
uncle, you know? So there's, there's opportunities there. Yeah. And it's, it's surprising how sometimes
00:24:35.600
I think we downplay like our role in like our nephews lives a little bit. Um, I, it's funny
00:24:43.220
we do that. I don't do that. We're like, Oh, they're, they're fine. And you know, their dad
00:24:47.500
or whatever, but I've had some nephews, like just randomly text me, Hey, uncle Kip, how you doing?
00:24:53.280
And then I'm like, Oh, like not, Oh, but like, Oh, he needs some help. Yeah. I need some help
00:24:58.380
and I should be reaching out more than I am, you know? So, yeah. I mean, look, I commend you for
00:25:03.420
even asking the question, but let's please not let it stop there. Like actually, cause it's easy to
00:25:08.400
ask the question and think, okay, well, I want to do this. I'm being good. Yes. You're moving in the
00:25:14.180
right direction, but please don't. And I'm not saying it will, but please don't let it stop here.
00:25:19.420
Actually go talk to your community center, go look at the sports leagues, go talk with the school
00:25:25.080
district, go to the corrections department, like actually move forward and help. I feel like you
00:25:30.380
want to, and you probably will. I just want to be ensure, ensure that everybody listening knows
00:25:36.080
wanting to be good, wanting to be virtuous and noble and honorable and help. That's great,
00:25:42.400
but it isn't actually in and of itself doing something is so make sure you move forward with
00:25:46.920
these recommendations. Yeah. Good point. All right. Joshua Barrett, how do you identify
00:25:53.040
the shit test from wife and kids and what are ways to start laying a line that doesn't come off
00:25:59.900
as being a big ass? I'm just quoting here. I'm not swearing. I let my kids and wife walk all over
00:26:05.620
me for years. I've recognized that. This is your question, isn't it, Kip? No, it's your question.
00:26:09.740
Possibly. Possibly. It's my alter ego, Joshua Barrett. That's right.
00:26:16.180
No, wasn't it Kip? I thought it was Kip something. Kip. Kip. Yeah. Kip and Ryan Michler.
00:26:22.560
Kip Jorgensen. You're Kip Jorgensen and I'm Brian Michler.
00:26:29.140
I let my kids and wife walk all over me for years. I've recognized that and I'm working on
00:26:34.620
addressing it. I've heard on a recent episode, you talking about drawing the line and telling them
00:26:38.920
when they cross it in my house, I'm either calm, cool, and collective, or I lose my shit.
00:26:45.480
Two extremes. Anytime I try to enforce a line, I have established. I get angry fast. I lose all
00:26:51.360
credibility. How do you accomplish firm while remaining calm and establishing yourself as a
00:26:56.920
leader when you have lived as a servant for so long? Yeah. So, there's a lot here, but this is a
00:27:03.440
common problem a lot of guys deal with. Not just at home, but at work too and other environments.
00:27:08.240
Yeah. So, there was one phrase in there that I wanted to latch on and I can't remember verbatim,
00:27:13.980
but you said, how do you correct behavior when you've allowed it to go unchecked for so long?
00:27:20.960
It was something along those lines. Yeah. So, there's a three-part formula to establishing
00:27:25.820
boundaries and having a healthy level of respect from yourself and expecting and commanding that in
00:27:31.700
others. And when I say command, I'm not saying bark orders. There's a difference between commanding
00:27:37.020
respect and demanding it. So, demanding is like, I demand, you will give me this, right? But commanding
00:27:44.940
respect is somebody sees that this is somebody that's worthy of being respected.
00:27:49.760
Yeah. It's how you're showing up versus what you're saying.
00:27:52.880
Right. So, well, it's voluntary influence versus dictatorship. So, there's a three-part formula.
00:28:02.300
And when you said, hey, how do I do this when I've allowed it to go unchecked for so long?
00:28:06.280
Yeah. Why would they listen to you? Because you went from no boundaries whatsoever to part three
00:28:12.820
of the formula, which is maintain the boundaries. But the other two may not be there. The other two
00:28:19.940
parts to this. So, here's the three-part formula. Number one, establish what the boundaries are.
00:28:25.920
Okay. You have to establish in your own mind what you will tolerate and what you won't tolerate.
00:28:33.800
And by the way, if we even do a precursor to the three-part would be that you have to have some level
00:28:41.340
of self-respect to get to this point. Because if you don't respect yourself, you can't expect that
00:28:47.360
other people should respect you. So, that means honor your word, keeping your commitments, living the
00:28:53.560
kind of life that you want, avoiding the vices that you've identified that you want to stay away
00:28:57.540
from. And that develops self-respect, which then allows you to, part one, establish in your own
00:29:03.620
mind what you will and won't tolerate. So, that's point number one. Point number two, this is very
00:29:09.460
important in this environment. You have to communicate the expectation. Because if you don't, it's nothing
00:29:16.400
more than a covert contract. I expect, Kip, for you to show up at 12 o'clock so we can do this
00:29:21.400
podcast. But if I don't commit that or I don't communicate that to you and you show up at 1230,
00:29:28.080
well, what right do I have to be mad at you? I didn't tell you it's at 12. We didn't agree upon
00:29:31.900
that. Right? So, you have to communicate, hey, hon, I've thought a lot about this. And when you
00:29:40.240
come home late and you don't communicate to me what's going on, I don't appreciate that.
00:29:48.260
And what I expect is that if you're going to be late, that's fine. Things happen. But you need
00:29:52.960
to communicate that with me. Or, hey, kids, I expect that the chores and the projects and the
00:30:00.440
things around the house get done. And here's your daily list of chores. It's all written down. It's
00:30:06.520
all documented. Do you have any questions, any misunderstandings about what I expect? You have
00:30:12.660
to communicate the boundaries. Don't just keep them in and expect that other people will honor
00:30:17.080
something that's in your head. Point number two. Point number three is you have to maintain
00:30:23.520
the boundary. Because it's not a boundary if you don't maintain it. So, I'll give you an example.
00:30:29.620
The other day, I asked Brecken to do something. I can't exactly remember what it was. I think we had
00:30:35.340
a bunch of trash that needed to be taken out or some boxes to be broken down or something like that.
00:30:39.260
And he didn't do it. And very easily, I could have said, oh, you know, but it's okay. You can do it
00:30:45.700
today or tomorrow or something like that. No, that's not establishing or upholding the boundary.
00:30:52.860
I said, you will do it right now. Oh, but dad, I'm doing this. I don't care. You will do it right
00:30:57.800
now because I told you to do it yesterday. It's not done. And here is your discipline for not getting it
00:31:03.360
done. So, next time I ask you to do something, consider that there's consequences to not getting
00:31:08.580
those things done. That is maintaining the boundary. It has to be maintained. If it's not,
00:31:15.540
then people are going to walk all over it. So, just to reiterate, self-respect first because
00:31:20.900
nobody's going to respect you if you don't respect yourself. Lose weight. Get the finances in check.
00:31:26.780
Learn how to communicate more effectively. Keep and honor your commitments and your words.
00:31:31.440
And then move into that three-part formula. Establish, think about what those boundaries
00:31:35.360
are, what you will and won't tolerate. Communicate those and allow the people who are going to be
00:31:39.120
impacted by it to have a say in the matter. Because if you just come out and you say,
00:31:43.240
one, two, three, four, this is what I expect. Then you're a tyrant and a dictator, not a leader.
00:31:49.860
So, if I'm thinking about how my wife has been treating me and I don't appreciate it,
00:31:54.040
I'm going to communicate this in a respectful way and say, hey, here's what's going on.
00:31:58.160
And I actually don't feel good about what's been happening. And here's what I expect moving
00:32:04.340
forward. But I want to hear what you think about it. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Should we change
00:32:10.880
something? Should we, what do we need to do here? Work together. And what are your non-negotiables
00:32:18.020
that I can help withhold? Yeah, for sure. And then again, maintaining it. So, the other question in
00:32:25.580
here was, how do I do this when for so long I've been walked all over? Well, it's going to take
00:32:33.120
consistency. And it's going to take reinforcement. And it's going to take trial and error. And it's
00:32:38.820
going to take you being a man of your word. And it's going to take you, like you said a second ago,
00:32:42.560
Kip, is honoring their boundaries and their expectations and their standards. And
00:32:48.240
I wish I could say that the minute you do this formula that everybody transforms overnight,
00:32:55.540
no, you've conditioned your family to treat you the way they do.
00:32:59.900
I need people to hear that again. Because people say, oh, my boss is an asshole. Oh, my wife,
00:33:04.380
this, all this and that. Like, they say this all the time. You've conditioned people to treat you like
00:33:10.060
that. You've allowed them to treat you like that. And so, what you encourage, or excuse me,
00:33:15.300
what you tolerate, you're actually encouraging. So, you need to recondition people to treat you
00:33:20.800
with respect. But that doesn't happen overnight. Because a lot of the times, you're talking about
00:33:25.620
a shit test. Your wife might actually say, oh, well, this is good, but this isn't going to stick.
00:33:31.620
And you know what? She's probably right because of past performance. So, show her that you're serious.
00:33:37.600
Show her that you're committed to this improvement. Show her that this is going to stick. And then
00:33:41.660
she'll see you as a more influential, credible man in her life, which is ultimately what you want.
00:33:48.640
And also, I'd say this one more thing. I did a podcast last week. I think it was Friday or
00:33:52.900
two Fridays ago called Maintain Your Frame. Do you remember that one? And that actually came from a
00:33:58.100
jujitsu lesson of the framing in jujitsu, right? Yeah. So, when it comes to maintaining your frame
00:34:04.240
outside of jujitsu, what I mean is that don't let people into your space that you're not okay with.
00:34:12.400
Okay with. Yeah. Right. And don't undermine your own efforts. And sometimes when we throw temper
00:34:19.020
tantrums and we react versus respond to emotion, then we actually are breaking down our frame because
00:34:27.200
we're showing people that were easily emotionally manipulated and that were weak and pathetic. And so,
00:34:35.640
people see that and then their actions are dictated on that. So, if you throw a temper tantrum every time
00:34:41.440
you don't get what you want, people are going to look at you like a little crybaby and maybe even a
00:34:44.940
little bitch. Okay? So, you just undermine your own frame. Think about that. Is the way that I'm
00:34:51.200
responding to this situation, even if I'm unhappy with it, am I maintaining my frame or am I undermining
00:34:58.840
it? So, when things don't go your way and they won't all the time, there's things that you can do.
00:35:04.480
There's ways that you can respond to it that people will look at it and say, damn, that was awesome. Like
00:35:10.660
he had this situation and here's what he did. And you actually boost up and bolster your credibility
00:35:15.920
and authority with them. But not if you throw a temper tantrum every time you don't get what you want.
00:35:19.860
Totally. And I would argue that most people will throw their temper tantrum because they didn't
00:35:26.200
communicate the last 20 times, right? And then they lose their shit. So, like Joshua says it here,
00:35:32.520
says like calm, cool, and collective or I lose it, right? I would probably argue or suggest maybe
00:35:38.740
that calm, cool, and collective means I was passive the other five times, right? And you probably were
00:35:45.480
and you're saying it's calm, collective. No, no, no, no. You still need to address the issue.
00:35:49.820
You need to still withhold your frame and your boundary and you need to communicate it. So,
00:35:55.140
then that way you don't lose your crap after the 10th time because you never said anything the nine
00:36:00.500
other times. Right. Well, and so, I wrote this down. You're right. Calm, cool, and collective
00:36:05.240
doesn't mean passive. It means assertive. So, the issue still gets dealt with, but you're calm,
00:36:12.520
cool, and collected in the way that you deal with the situation. Not that you ignore the situation.
00:36:22.600
All right. That was a good question by me. I mean, by Josh. Yes. By Josh. By Chip Jorgensen.
00:36:28.500
Chip Jorgensen. Thanks, Josh. We should do that. The Chip and Brian show or something. Like,
00:36:33.900
we should do a spinoff. It would be hilarious. Trust me. We have enough content to answer
00:36:38.880
from those alter egos for sure. All right. Alex Schwartz. I know you're not in the business
00:36:47.100
of giving financial advice anymore, but do either of you have any- End of question. Proceed.
00:36:52.500
It's like, hey, not to be a dick, but I'm going to be a dick. Hey, not to be offensive, but I'm going to-
00:36:59.260
No, no. Alex says, hey, any investment books that you recommend at least,
00:37:03.780
or any investment books you recommend, or would you say, just go talk with a mentor or financial
00:37:10.580
advisor? I know there's books you should read. You should always read because the more that you
00:37:15.780
read, you'll be more qualified to be able to look for a financial advisor and you'll know what they're
00:37:19.940
talking about. And there's a few things that you can't outsource. So, you can delegate, right? You
00:37:27.040
can delegate a financial advisor to help you, but you can't outsource responsibility. And there's a
00:37:32.060
couple of key areas that I would say. You can't outsource your relationship, the responsibility
00:37:36.020
of your relationships. But like, I can't have you talk with my wife and say, hey, will you just be
00:37:42.540
an advocate for me? And like, that's the relationship is going to be okay because I
00:37:46.100
have some surrogate coming in here. Like, that's not going to work, right? Same thing with the
00:37:50.240
responsibility of your finances. And as a former financial advisor, I'd have people do that all the
00:37:54.520
time. They thought that because they hired me or somebody else that they no longer had any
00:37:57.980
responsibility over their financial affairs. And then when the market would go south and be like,
00:38:02.060
will you, okay, yes. But you also have a responsibility in this. You have a part to
00:38:08.460
play in this. And then the other one is your health. Like, I can't go ask you to do my sit-ups
00:38:13.580
or my deadlifts or to go to jiu-jitsu for me. Like, you have to do it. So, can I ask you this
00:38:20.540
question? Would you say that's the difference between presiding? Let's use a financial one as
00:38:26.620
an example. That's the difference between presiding and just delegation.
00:38:33.900
Yeah. Well, yes, I would say that, but there's a book over your left shoulder that talks at length
00:38:38.600
about this called sovereignty. And a sovereign man still takes responsibility for his actions
00:38:51.140
Right. And if you think about a kingdom, a king, for example, it's the king's kingdom,
00:38:55.820
but he has people in different positions, advisors and warriors and scholars. He has
00:39:02.140
different people in different positions to make sure everything gets done. It's still his kingdom.
00:39:07.340
He still needs to rule the kingdom and everything comes back to him.
00:39:10.700
So, okay. That's the warmup for the question. Yeah. I think it's called 21 Laws of Wealth is one of
00:39:19.740
them that I really like. Depending on what you're looking at.
00:39:26.180
What's the one that you're quoted in? Building wealth, defining wealth, investment of wealth?
00:39:31.020
Oh, with Austin Netsley, I think you're talking about.
00:39:35.020
I don't remember what it's called right offhand.
00:39:39.300
Are you in front of your computer? Google it while I just Austin Netsley book and I'll give
00:39:44.060
you a couple other recommendations. I don't know exactly where you are with regards to your
00:39:47.860
finances, but of course, you know, there's some basic stuff that you can learn from Dave Ramsey on
00:39:53.060
basic budgeting, debt, getting your cashflow in order, that sort of stuff. A Random Walk Down
00:40:01.420
Wall Street is a great book specifically on investing. But even if you want to know basic
00:40:08.020
investing terminology, which I think is important that, you know, that gives you a foundation for
00:40:12.040
everything else. Investopedia.com is actually a great place where you can go in and learn about
00:40:17.780
what are derivatives? What is a yield? What is a bond? You can learn about all this stuff.
00:40:23.240
So, you know, it's out there, but there's a couple of recommendations for you.
00:40:26.000
Yeah. So, Austin's book, Netsley, Make Money, Live Wealthy.
00:40:34.660
And then I would say to get specific. So, when it comes to, you're talking about, hey, are there any
00:40:42.540
good financial books or I don't know if you said financial books or investment books, but get
00:40:46.460
specific. Are you talking about real estate? Are you talking about the stock market? Are you talking
00:40:50.680
about crypto? Are you talking about debt? Are you talking about cashflow? Are you talking about
00:40:55.000
insurance? What exactly are you wondering about passive type investing? What is exactly do you want?
00:41:04.060
And then that will help you narrow down your search.
00:41:06.340
Yeah. It's been years since I read Austin's book, but one thing that I got out of that book was
00:41:12.360
defining what wealth is. And I think that same question is even valuable to investment. Like,
00:41:17.040
what's the objective? And that drastically changes things. I think we have a tendency to be like,
00:41:21.460
oh, Ryan, I want to be rich. I want to be a millionaire.
00:41:25.660
Yeah. But why? And then once you work out the why, you may define that you actually don't want to be
00:41:30.940
a millionaire. Like one of the examples that I, that I got out of that book is like, I asked my
00:41:35.120
wife, I'm like, Hey, if we were quote unquote, super rich, what does that look like? And she gave
00:41:40.800
me the list. And I'm like, uh, actually that list is flexibility of time more than it is wealth.
00:41:48.420
So, oh, okay. Well, with that said, I probably should not, maybe my focus isn't about so much about
00:41:54.860
wealth building as much as it is about having enough wealth and flexibility of time to be able to have
00:42:00.580
some freedoms to do whatever we want, whenever we want. Right. Yeah. No, I think it's important
00:42:05.080
to get to the root of the issue and then you can develop a better strategy. Yeah. Yeah. All right.
00:42:10.280
Josh O'Neill, how do you draw a distinction between the desire to advance and grow in your work and
00:42:16.360
career and the biblical mandate to be content with what you have and where you are? As I continue to
00:42:22.140
refine my vision for my life and career, I have a desire to progress and grow in scope,
00:42:26.520
but I want to avoid stepping into the realm of growing for the sake of growth rather than keeping
00:42:32.160
in step where God has placed me and where he is guiding me. Thanks for taking questions. Keep up
00:42:37.660
the good work, Josh. So there's a really popular misconception in society that says, you know,
00:42:44.420
you should just be content and happy with where you are and what you are. That actually isn't very,
00:42:50.580
it's, it's, it's just not helpful and it's not good. In fact, I would argue it's not biblical.
00:42:57.220
Okay. So, and I had a guy talk to me about this on Instagram the other day and he was like, well,
00:43:01.400
you know, self, self care is, is bad because the Bible says, I don't even know what he quoted. I'm
00:43:05.780
like, what are you talking about? Yeah. The, the, the, the second, uh, the, the, the first great
00:43:11.140
commandment, right. Is to, uh, love, love, or walls to, to serve God first, right. Love God.
00:43:17.240
And then it's to love others as thyself. Right. So, but what people miss about that is as thyself,
00:43:26.840
love others as thyself. That means you have to love yourself. Self-love is a biblical concept
00:43:35.160
and self-love is directly correlated with self-improvement because if you don't love
00:43:41.000
yourself, you're not, you don't care about yourself enough to invest. Like, what do you,
00:43:44.520
what do you invest in your time, your energy, your attention, your resources, the things that
00:43:49.400
have value to you. So if you're supposed to be valuable to yourself, love thy neighbor as thyself,
00:43:56.300
then you would invest your time and your energy and your resources into yourself for improvement,
00:44:03.180
but also for the benefit of others and the benefit of his kingdom.
00:44:07.000
And, and they're not mutually exclusive. When I improve, I'm, I have more capacity to serve others,
00:44:15.420
which will help them fulfill their missions and their purpose and the things that they're there
00:44:20.480
to do. So there is a distinction here though, because we don't want to just chase for the sake
00:44:25.360
of chasing. This goes back to what you were saying about why do you want wealth? What's the point?
00:44:29.700
You know, is it to serve others? Is it to have more time? Like what exactly is it?
00:44:32.660
But here's the distinction between, and I don't care what verb or what, what word you use. Cause
00:44:37.320
people say, you know, contentment, complacency, uh, there's all sorts of words people use,
00:44:43.820
but I would say, here's the difference. Gratitude, gratitude. How do you, how do you maintain gratitude
00:44:51.220
while still progressing? Is that what you're saying? No, I'm saying that you should have gratitude
00:44:58.300
for the things that you have, right? I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my health. I'm
00:45:05.680
grateful for technology that we can do things like this. I'm grateful for the freedoms that we have,
00:45:11.600
where I can travel to California and do these other things that bring me meaning and fulfillment.
00:45:15.860
I'm grateful that I have the ability to communicate effectively so I can serve others. I'm grateful for
00:45:20.900
all of those things. And because I'm grateful for it, I can pour more into it because I acknowledge
00:45:27.040
that it's here and I acknowledge I have it. And I don't forget where I come from and I don't forget
00:45:32.200
the things in front of me, but that doesn't mean that I can't go out and pursue even more
00:45:37.140
in my own life to improve. So, cause I know guys who will just aimlessly just chase and chase and
00:45:44.060
chase and chase. I'm like, why are you chasing? And it's because they aren't happy with what they
00:45:48.540
have because they're not expressing any gratitude for what they have.
00:45:51.760
How do you, how do you not have those things trump each other? Right. Cause I do think,
00:46:00.000
and you know, and we talk about it a little bit in iron council where, you know, sometimes we're,
00:46:04.800
we're so focused on constant improvement, right? It's like, be better, be better. And we,
00:46:09.700
we don't stop and reflect sometimes and actually be grateful for what we have. Or if maybe we sit
00:46:15.260
around and we're just, you know, grateful all the time, does that prevent one individual from
00:46:20.580
pursuing, you know, and making things better in their life?
00:46:25.080
Yeah. If all you did was sat around and decided to be grateful for everything that you had,
00:46:29.140
well, you're, that's not self-love. You're not improving yourself. I can be grateful for the bag
00:46:34.420
of chips and the ability to sit in front of my TV and watch, you know, Netflix or binge watch porn.
00:46:40.820
And I can be grateful for that. Is that making me better? Yeah. Is that improving myself? Is that,
00:46:48.500
and I'm saying it in the context of that question, is that, is that improving his kingdom?
00:46:55.720
No. So just gratitude alone isn't enough. Oh, and here's another thing. Well, if you're grateful
00:47:04.420
for things, aren't you going to treat it better? Yeah. Right. Like if I'm grateful for,
00:47:09.660
uh, my vehicle, because I appreciate it, it, I appreciate the technology. I paid for it. I worked
00:47:17.540
for it because I developed a set of skills that allowed me to pay for it. And I have a lot of
00:47:21.320
gratitude for that. Aren't I going to treat that better? And what does treat it better mean? It
00:47:26.420
means that you're going to wash it, that you're going to do regular maintenance, like oil changes,
00:47:31.040
that you're going to vacuum it out, that you're not going to have people eat chips and junk,
00:47:36.040
that you're not going to have trash all over the thing that you're going to, that that's,
00:47:40.020
if you're grateful for a vehicle, that's what you would do. If you're grateful for yourself and your
00:47:43.700
abilities, you're going to improve on those abilities. If like your body, for example,
00:47:48.880
another biblical concept, your body's a temple. If you're grateful for your body, you're going to
00:47:54.140
eat the right foods. You're going to exercise it. You're going to stretch. You're going to hydrate.
00:47:58.720
You're going to sleep. You're going to do all of these things because you're grateful
00:48:02.020
for what you have and therefore you're going to maintain it better. So there's no, they're not
00:48:06.660
at odds. Like they really aren't being grateful for what you have. And then trying to improve
00:48:12.000
you asked, how do you, how do you maintain? They're, they're the same. If you're, if you're
00:48:18.380
truly grateful, cause look, you don't invest in things you aren't grateful for. Like there's
00:48:22.480
things in this office that I'm sure, like I haven't given a second thought in the last two years.
00:48:27.260
And, and I don't take care of, there's probably dust on things that I haven't looked at because I
00:48:31.940
don't, I'm not grateful for it necessarily. Yeah. Now I could see that. Like I, I I'm seeing
00:48:37.760
right now, like if I'm truly grateful for my life and the, and the opportunities placed before me
00:48:45.020
and this new day, I'm going to show up today drastically different. If I'm grateful for my job,
00:48:52.660
am I going to be a hundred percent at what I do at my job? Yeah. If I'm really grateful for it.
00:48:58.340
Yeah, for sure. I like that. Yeah. So take care of yourself. It's not at odds with his desire for
00:49:04.980
you. Here's another thing that really frustrates me. And then we'll move on from here. I hear this
00:49:09.160
a lot with spiritual people. They'll say, well, if it's God's will. Yeah. What are you talking about?
00:49:16.480
Like I understand kind of what you're saying. Like if you do all of your work and do everything,
00:49:22.820
then you trust that things will work out and pan out. I get that concept, but the way that most
00:49:28.880
people use that when I hear it is they're reliant on him to show them the path or to like lay it out
00:49:38.180
before them without them having to do work. And that's bull crap. It's not how it works. Think about
00:49:45.360
yourself as a father. You want what's best for your children. Okay. You can't really get involved.
00:49:53.760
You can influence, you can inspire, you can lead, you can present opportunities. There's a lot of
00:50:00.340
things that you can do as a father of your children, but you can't drag them through.
00:50:06.080
You can't manipulate every little situation. So their life is what you think you want it to be.
00:50:12.340
God's the very much the same way. He he's given you everything. What do you mean? If it's God's
00:50:18.620
will, his will is that you thrive. His will is that you take your talents and your gifts and your
00:50:24.000
abilities and your opportunities, and you magnify them. You use them. It's not his will that you sit
00:50:31.400
your ass on the couch talking about, I wish God would do something. He's up there thinking,
00:50:35.640
I wish Ryan would do something with all of these blessings I've given him. So you got to do your
00:50:43.160
part and trust that if here's God's will, if you do everything that you can, then your life will work
00:50:51.520
out the way that he sees best fit for you. That's God's will. Not, and let me just sit back and hope
00:50:57.780
he presents me with everything. Yeah. And because why growth is in the struggle growth is in figured out
00:51:04.240
growth is in freedom and being self-directed and buying into whatever it is that you're doing,
00:51:12.520
not coercion, not the removal of freedom and it being forced upon you. Right. And I, the correlations
00:51:20.420
between bad parenting and that example and the example of, and kind of the evils around doing things
00:51:28.260
on behalf of other people and taking away their freedoms is so biblical that it's crazy, but right.
00:51:34.320
Well, and, and here's another thing to consider. If you're listening to this and you don't believe in
00:51:38.980
God, Kip, you and I are still right. Yeah. If you take care of your talents, if you take care of your
00:51:46.440
gifts and your abilities, if you magnify them, if you go to work, if you do right, if you try to serve
00:51:52.120
others, if you take care of your body, life has a funny way of working in your favor over the long
00:52:01.280
haul. That's not to say that you aren't going to be faced with challenges and obstacles and hurdles,
00:52:05.180
but over the longterm life has a funny way of returning exactly what you put into it.
00:52:12.240
Whether you're thinking about God, it's God. But if you don't believe that, then it's still,
00:52:17.480
the concept still applies. So don't overlook what we're saying just because you think, well,
00:52:23.140
here we go. Getting preachy. No, we're giving you tools that will work in any environment,
00:52:28.340
in any situation. Yeah, for sure. Cool. All right. George Hyman,
00:52:34.520
any opinions on the effects of the housing shortage we'll have on millennials?
00:52:40.900
Yeah. Well, they're not going to have affordable living. I mean, that's really what it comes down to.
00:52:45.540
So everything's going to be more expensive. So what does that lead to? That leads to
00:52:51.200
government handout. That leads to inflation. And so you're going to have a lot of people who are
00:52:59.320
going to live with who? Mommy and daddy. Like there's a lot of issues that this will trickle
00:53:04.540
down to. So here's what we do. We stop artificially inflating the currency. And when I say we,
00:53:11.680
I'm talking about the government, the government stops artificially inflating everything by getting
00:53:16.980
their hands and their greasy fingers all over the affairs of everybody's businesses and dealings
00:53:23.660
and everything else. And we allow capitalism, free markets to work the way they can work,
00:53:31.180
which is regulated through the billions and billions of people on the planet.
00:53:36.500
And it's unforgiving and it's brutal and it's ruthless in its judgment of you.
00:53:48.300
Look, I've fallen into traps where I think, well, why don't I have what this person? Why don't I have
00:53:52.020
with that? Why don't I have as many followers? Why don't I have as many listeners? It's because
00:53:56.760
I haven't offered as much value as those individuals, period. End of story. And people,
00:54:04.640
people don't like that because they think that that's tied to my worth or their worth, I should
00:54:09.960
say. Yeah. Well, I'm important. I'm important though. And I, yes, nobody's saying you don't
00:54:16.620
have inherent worth as a human being. That's not what anybody's saying, but your worth to the market
00:54:21.120
doesn't care about your feelings and what you think you deserve. It cares about the end result,
00:54:28.000
the bottom line. So if I want to get better in relationship to how much money I make and how
00:54:33.240
many people I impact, very simple. I got to put out a better product. Yeah. And, and just let,
00:54:40.240
let's get the government out of the way and let people do what they do best. Now the counter argument
00:54:45.900
to this is, well, what about those people, you know, who are, who are, uh, who can't do it for
00:54:50.180
themselves? And look, we also have, and we've talked about it on the podcast for six years.
00:54:54.980
We have a responsibility as men preside. That's the third component of our, our masculinity.
00:55:01.120
We have a responsibility to lift others up. So if there's somebody who's less privileged than me,
00:55:08.400
or doesn't have the same opportunities or is, uh, mentally handicapped by their, their own,
00:55:14.720
you know, cognition or abilities, I, I have a moral responsibility to take what I have and use it
00:55:24.300
for the betterment of other people. One of the exercises we did at this, this event I was telling
00:55:28.360
you about earlier, the squire program with Bedros is, uh, they had us thinking about words that we
00:55:34.780
use to define ourself. And ultimately it comes to a spearhead. Like, what is it your ultimate
00:55:40.580
word that, that, that is used to describe you? And I went a little bit different on it. And one
00:55:45.580
of the words that really came to mind as we did this exercise is empowerment, empowerment. So for
00:55:51.200
me, the ability to empower other people is my calling. Simon Sinek talks a lot about this in his
00:55:59.480
book, start with why, because I want to empower people right now it's through order of man. It could
00:56:05.200
be through any number of ventures and it is because I do other things as well. Right. But ultimately I want to,
00:56:10.420
to empower other people. So I don't know how we got there from the housing shortage, but
00:56:17.780
ultimately us, us helping those less unfortunate. Right. Let's, let's get out of the way. Government get
00:56:26.700
out of the way. Let's improve our skills and our abilities. Let's stop artificially inflating the
00:56:33.600
currency. Let's stop giving handouts to people that don't need it because really what you, it's like,
00:56:39.320
it's like giving an antibody or an antibiotic to somebody who isn't sick. So you give an antibiotic
00:56:45.980
to somebody who isn't sick and what does their body do? Well, it builds up immunities against that.
00:56:50.180
And now next time when they're actually sick, those antibodies don't work because the bacteria,
00:56:55.880
the infection already learned how to fight off that because you gave it when it wasn't necessary.
00:57:01.040
This is what's, that's what happens when you give handouts to people who don't need it. You're not
00:57:06.780
helping them. You're hurting them in the longterm. So let individuals do it. And it's always funny to
00:57:14.000
me is a lot of people believe that individuals alone, uh, are, are evil and they won't help other
00:57:21.580
people. And they're only out for themselves and they're selfish, but the government isn't comprised
00:57:27.320
of a bunch of assholes like that. Isn't going to do what? I know. What, what is, what are you
00:57:35.280
thinking? So here's how we improve that by being good people, helping other people. So noble intentions
00:57:43.580
and the capability to back it up. Because if my intentions are to serve people, but I don't have
00:57:48.380
the capacity, the time, energy resources, or money to serve people. I mean, my intentions can only go
00:57:53.660
so far. Yeah. But if I have noble intentions and I have money and I have time and I have energy to be
00:58:01.260
able to step into those noble intentions, the sky's the limit. Yeah. And there's a relationship
00:58:08.600
component that's available to all parties involved when people are rising up to assist one another
00:58:16.360
versus when, uh, an elusive identity of government is helping someone. There is, there's no relationship
00:58:25.220
there, right there. I I'm not now like increased accountability because, you know, my neighbors
00:58:31.760
played so much percent taxes and, and their taxes went to assist me. And so now I have a sense of
00:58:38.420
obligation to like serve them back that, that goes away completely when, when we have government
00:58:45.040
involvement. But when you have community involvement and community standing for one another, now we're
00:58:51.000
talking about not only strengthening the relationship, but also assisting people at the
00:58:55.100
same time. And there's a big difference, right? Like I do not find any, any sense of fulfillment
00:59:02.820
from the percent of taxes I pay. Right. Right. And go, Oh, well, you know, 5% of my taxes went
00:59:09.980
towards these good, good things. And so I feel good about myself. No, that's so drastically different
00:59:15.780
than me rising up back to a question earlier today and coaching a young team, you know, to,
00:59:23.520
to be an, a positive influence or me helping someone create opportunities for someone else that's
00:59:29.520
struggling financially. Right. Those are so drastically different. And, and when we have relying
00:59:35.240
government handout, we're ripping that opportunity away from people. Now with that said, that's not
00:59:40.080
an excuse. Oh, well, Kip, I'm not going to do it because I pay my taxes and I'm not going to do this
00:59:44.120
other thing. I'm not saying that we should still rise up, but yeah, anyhow, I'm regurgitating what you
00:59:50.500
have already said. So. It was that good. It was worth repeating. What a mess. All right. Nice question.
00:59:59.200
All right. Billy, uh, who kill I'm five years out of my first marriage. My ex-wife is still trying to
01:00:06.480
control everything. Um, I, with our three children, I'm trying to set boundaries with my ex-wife and my
01:00:13.420
family. Is there a book or a podcast on setting boundaries that you recommend?
01:00:21.380
No, there is. I mean, like we've talked about it at length about boundaries.
01:00:25.280
There, there is one. There's a crucial, is it crucial boundaries, crucial conversations?
01:00:31.760
No, there's crucial conversations, but I think I'll follow up to the author. Let me see. I think
01:00:37.200
so. Let me look. Cause I know crucial conversations is one of your, uh, one of your favorites, isn't
01:00:41.480
it? Yeah, it is one of my favorites. I didn't know he had a crucial boundaries. Uh, I thought
01:00:46.280
there was maybe, yeah, look crucial boundaries book and see what comes up. Maybe not. Oh,
01:00:54.560
that's crucial conversation. Oh, maybe it's just called boundaries. I don't know. I'll have to look,
01:00:59.440
but yeah, I mean, there, there are things out there. Okay. If you just look in boundaries,
01:01:03.080
you're going to find a book. Um, there's not one in particular that I've read, but yeah,
01:01:07.300
when it comes to your wife, you've got to establish those. We talked at length about that earlier,
01:01:11.160
how to do that. Um, but again, three part formula first comes self-respect. Are you, you need to ask
01:01:18.340
yourself is, are you doing everything that you can to improve yourself? Not for her, not for the kids
01:01:25.180
that will come. That's a, that's, that's a result of you taking care of yourself, but are you doing
01:01:30.100
everything that you can to develop and build your level of self-worth and self-respect? That's the
01:01:36.420
first question you need to ask yourself and inventory. And if you're falling short in one
01:01:40.100
department, okay, now, you know, that gives you the benchmark. So you can build upon that and get
01:01:46.600
better and improve and develop and grow. And as you do that, I think what you're going to find
01:01:51.740
is that she becomes more agreeable. She becomes easier to work with because there's not a whole
01:02:01.960
lot of contention. There might be things that you're doing that raise barriers and walls for her.
01:02:06.460
Now, I'm not saying that she doesn't have issues that she needs to work out. Maybe she does. Probably
01:02:10.720
she does just like all of us, but you can focus on your component of it. And then you, once you do
01:02:16.500
that, you have more authority to lay the groundwork, right? Cause if I go, if I go to my wife and let's
01:02:21.820
say I've been a fat slob for 10 years, I eat whatever I want. I drink whenever I want. I don't
01:02:28.000
exercise. I don't diet. I do nothing to take care of myself physically. And then I, and then I go to
01:02:33.020
her cause she's put on a few pounds and I say, hon, I don't really think you ought to, you ought to maybe
01:02:37.620
go to the gym. How do you think that's going to work out? I got you a gym membership for Christmas.
01:02:43.800
Right. How do you think that's going to play out? Okay. Now let's, let's change this up a little bit.
01:02:51.220
If I've been in shape and I'm dieting and I'm exercising and I take care of myself and I take
01:02:56.720
care of my body and, and she puts on a few pounds, I would argue it probably wouldn't even happen
01:03:02.500
cause you're the leader of the home and she's going to be influenced by that. But if she does
01:03:08.040
and I come to it and I approach it, it's still going to be a touchy subject, but I approach it
01:03:11.920
with a level of respect, but also from a position of authority, because she looks at me and sees what
01:03:17.500
I'm doing. And I say, Hey hon, I really think as a family, we ought to do this more so we can all be
01:03:22.100
healthy. How are you feeling about yourself? And you, you approached it from that perspective,
01:03:26.600
still going to be a touchy situation. I'm not saying that, but you have the authority to be able to
01:03:31.280
broach that conversation. When we were at this event, Bedro said something very interesting.
01:03:39.000
He said, you know, I can look at your boys and I can match them up with their fathers
01:03:43.560
just by looking at the body types. Yeah. I can look at your boy and I can look at you and I can
01:03:49.640
know that you're a father and son without knowing your father and son. And he said, that should be a
01:03:54.020
good thing, not a bad thing. Yeah. And that goes to this question about authority, influence,
01:04:00.280
the way that you're showing up is the way she's going to respond. Majority of the time, not always
01:04:06.580
because people have their own, their own free will, but the majority of the time you're going to
01:04:11.420
find that the people around you are going to respond based on who you are and how you personally
01:04:17.100
are performing. So you want other people to perform different. You perform differently.
01:04:22.820
And if you perform differently, she's going to respond to that, but there's a lot of books.
01:04:26.420
You can go look them up. I can't find that book that we were, we were looking at, but there's
01:04:30.560
all sorts of books on boundaries and crucial conversations, which is another book that I
01:04:34.740
think would address this, this subject. And then the boundaries conversation we had earlier
01:04:38.720
on this podcast. Okay. All right. So call to action, a couple of things we talked about.
01:04:46.680
I mean, we just started a new quarter at the beginning of July for you guys that are wanting
01:04:51.940
to get on task and work on your goals for the next quarter. Sign up for the battle planning app
01:04:59.360
to learn more about that app. Go to 12 week. That's one that let the numbers one, two, 12 week
01:05:05.940
battle planner.com. Also, you can also sign up for the battle ready program at order man.com slash
01:05:13.900
battle ready. And of course, as always follow Mr. Mickler on Insta and Twitter at Ryan Mitchler.
01:05:22.320
That's C H L E R. You got to mess with me, man. Mickler.
01:05:28.780
Um, with the battle planning stuff, here's what I'd say. 12 week battle planner.com. That's the
01:05:33.640
number 12. So 12 week battle planner.com. That's how you say that by the way, Kip, instead of
01:05:37.780
stumbling all over the numbers and words and everything else, that's how you do that. Just,
01:05:40.980
just putting that out there. Let's record this and I'll watch it later and order a man.com slash
01:05:47.560
battle ready with those two resources. Every one of your questions today will be touched on.
01:05:53.520
You will get better in every single one of these questions, even the jujitsu questions. And I'll
01:05:57.020
tell you why I was like, well, maybe it doesn't apply to no, it does. Here's why, because you'll
01:06:00.700
be able to plan your day out more effectively and you'll be able to schedule your jujitsu
01:06:06.840
or your workouts or whatever it is. So the battle planning stuff that Kip, we've put together
01:06:11.780
will hit on every single one of these subjects. So again, 12 week battle planner.com, the number
01:06:17.440
12, and then order a man.com slash battle ready. I think that's all we got, right, Kip?
01:06:24.000
Yep. Get on the court. All right, you guys appreciate you. Great questions today. Keep
01:06:28.880
them coming. Keep engaged, share, rate, review, like, comment, et cetera, et cetera. That's how
01:06:34.000
we continue to grow the movement, this grassroots movement and reclaiming and restoring masculinity.
01:06:37.900
We will be back on Friday, but until then go out there, take action and become a man you
01:06:42.840
are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge
01:06:47.880
of your life and be more of a man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of