Order of Man - The Power of Technology, Disciplining Children, and Safety vs. Growth

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Mr. Kip Sorensen, what's going on, man?

00:00:26.760 Nice to have you back. Yeah. How was it? Dude, I got to tell you, the podcast you did,

00:00:32.820 was it last week? Yeah. Solid. You don't even need me. I mean, I know I'm the comedic relief,

00:00:38.760 but outside of that, you don't need me to run this podcast with you. You got this thing, man.

00:00:43.120 It is a night and day difference. And we've always talked about this. It's a night and day difference

00:00:47.860 to go solo. And it's stressful. I was really stressed. I wait until after work on Monday,

00:00:53.640 and I'm like, okay, I'll, I'll go at seven. I didn't even start recording until like eight

00:00:57.320 30. Cause I was kind of like, oh man, I, you know, what, what was stressful about it though?

00:01:01.020 I don't know. I get it. I understand. It's just so much easier to have you respond,

00:01:04.980 have some profound thought process. And then me sound like I know what I'm talking about by adding

00:01:09.600 like, oh yeah. And I agree. And I would add this little thing versus responding first is super tough.

00:01:14.840 It is. It adds stress. And I don't want to like be ready. No, I get it. I would, I would do the

00:01:22.180 same thing. I don't do it anymore. Cause I've just done it enough now where it doesn't really impact

00:01:26.480 me. But if I wanted to record a video, for example, on a certain subject, yeah, dude, I'd have to talk

00:01:32.620 myself into it because I just felt so awkward and uncomfortable. And I used to record like 20 times.

00:01:39.580 I'm like, oh no, I stumbled over that word or I tripped up on that little phrase. And now anymore,

00:01:44.340 I just hit record. I think about kind of what I want to say, maybe an outline of what I want to

00:01:48.880 say. And if I trip over words or thoughts, it's like, nah, it is what it is and just go for it.

00:01:53.060 But it's just familiarity, right? Yeah, totally. I remember the first time,

00:01:56.960 the first time I recorded multiple times and I was like, okay, you know what? Yeah. I'm going to

00:02:02.040 commit to hitting record. And I'm not like, I'm not going to even listen to it until it's like live

00:02:07.240 the next day. Because what did you think when you listened to it? Um, it's, uh, the other day

00:02:13.520 or the very first time, the first time, uh, the first time it was super awkward. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:02:19.240 It's just weird when you talk into a microphone or you're trying to look into a camera. That's the

00:02:24.740 weird one. And when you're looking into a camera and you're pretending, like I try to pretend that

00:02:28.660 that's a human being I'm trying to talk to. Yeah. And you can't fake that. Like, you know,

00:02:33.680 that's a piece of plastic and metal and it's just really awkward, but you know, it's comes with the

00:02:40.440 territory. Like this, this is actually a good lesson because there's a lot of guys who listen,

00:02:44.200 who want to put themselves out there, who want to share a message, even if presenting in front of a

00:02:49.760 team, for example, and they're just so afraid and fearful. Look, all that stuff's natural.

00:02:55.080 The only way it gets better is through repetition is by doing it and then doing it again and again and

00:03:00.940 again. Like we see these guys who are magnificent speakers, for example, and we think, well, this

00:03:05.820 guy's just born with a silver tongue. No, he's just done it enough and been, I would say almost

00:03:12.340 arrogant enough to like keep doing it. Yeah. To think that you're probably better than you are

00:03:17.440 just so you keep going. You have to be a little delusional because if you are truthful about your

00:03:23.040 performance, none of us would ever do anything ever again. That's so true. So it takes a little bit,

00:03:29.380 a little bit of ego, a little bit of arrogance to get yourself back in the ring after getting

00:03:33.740 punched in the face. And I think that's what the greats do is they just keep going at it over and

00:03:38.560 over and over again. And then evaluating it, of course, and improving where they can and taking

00:03:43.220 feedback and improving their skill. Yeah. And a good example of that is I was just listening to

00:03:49.980 London Real, his interview with, um, with Tom Bilyeu. And he, and he was asking Tom Bilyeu,

00:03:57.860 like some of the most influential guys. Right. And he mentioned Jocko and, and he talked about

00:04:02.620 this, about Jocko, about the first time that Jocko was on his podcast, how much Jocko has grown in the

00:04:09.300 last three years. No doubt as, as being a more effective communicator. Right. And, and a lot of

00:04:14.860 guys that listen to this podcast are, are fans of Jocko as well. And it's like, Hey, even Jocko has

00:04:19.460 progressed and learned and has become more effective at communicating versus how he was originally.

00:04:24.980 So it's funny. Cause Brian Rose, who you're talking about, and I have actually had this

00:04:30.100 conversation and he's interviewed Jocko several times. I've interviewed Jocko four times. I've

00:04:35.140 gotten to know Jocko now over the past three or four years, but the first interview that was the

00:04:40.040 first interview I did with him was probably the hardest interview I've ever done. Super awkward

00:04:45.340 as well. Really awkward because not only is he at the time he was my first like big podcast guest.

00:04:52.560 Yeah. So there was the intimidation factor of just that alone. And then you take somebody like

00:04:57.380 Jocko, excuse me, I'm, I'm getting over a little bit of a cold here, but you take a, a figure like

00:05:04.920 Jocko, who is very intimidating to put it mildly. And then you ask him a question. Like, I can't remember

00:05:13.640 a question I would ask, but I'd say, so, you know, how do you develop discipline? He's like, you just do

00:05:18.620 it. Yeah. And I'm like, uh, do you care to elaborate? No. I'm like, Oh, okay. Uh, this is

00:05:27.360 going to make for an awkward conversation. Yeah. It reminds me of talking to my dad. My dad's that

00:05:31.760 way. It's like, so how are you doing? Yeah. Good. Yeah. Okay. How's the weather? Like, that's how,

00:05:37.480 you know, this, the conversation is like falling apart is the minute you start going, so how's work

00:05:43.260 or the way, like, it's so hard to engage. And, and it's not so much that Jocko is probably not

00:05:48.560 willing to share either. It's just like, he's just so intense too. Right. He's like, the answer is

00:05:54.140 good. Yeah. Intense. And just so matter of fact, like he's so confident and sure of himself that

00:05:59.840 it's hard for him to fathom why anybody wouldn't understand, you know, another quote I saw. And just

00:06:08.620 because the passing of Kobe Bryant, I saw him that he says, I don't something along the lines of,

00:06:14.980 and I'm paraphrasing here that I don't understand lazy people. Like I'm not even connected with them.

00:06:20.540 I just am so far away from them that I don't understand. And he said, I don't even want to

00:06:25.440 understand that. And I think a lot of these guys who were very, very successful, ultra successful,

00:06:30.560 who have done great and wonderful things in their lives. It's very hard for them to relate with

00:06:36.160 not having that mentality and not having the attitude and the fortitude and the grit and

00:06:41.740 resilience. So explaining it seems foreign to them. They're like, why would I even need to explain

00:06:46.800 this? It's so obvious. Well, it's obvious to them, but it's not obvious to somebody who hasn't

00:06:50.620 quite figured that out yet. Yeah. Which is, that's the value of this podcast. Cause we are so mediocre

00:06:55.620 that we can explain things to you guys. Exactly. We can highly really relate to the mediocre man.

00:07:02.160 Exactly. That's exactly. That's why so many guys resonate with what we're saying.

00:07:07.460 Yeah. And a lot of them think, a lot of them probably think we're full of crap too,

00:07:11.180 which at times that's probably, that's probably accurate. All right. Well, let's get into it.

00:07:16.020 We're fielding questions. I can't remember at this point. Do these questions,

00:07:19.020 this one's Facebook today. Yeah. All right. Facebook, we're having some big changes in the

00:07:23.600 Facebook group. Uh, just put out a standard operating procedure for our moderators. We have new

00:07:27.860 moderators or not new, but additional moderators. Uh, and we're trying to get that back on track.

00:07:34.380 You know, it deviates when you have a group that grows by a hundred to 300 people a day.

00:07:41.920 It's very easy to lose the direction, the course of the ship. And so like trying to write that

00:07:48.420 occasionally is a challenge, but, uh, we've got some, got some things going on over there.

00:07:52.420 Yeah. Cool. All right. Well, let's get to the questions, uh, to join us on that Facebook group,

00:07:57.640 facebook.com slash group slash order of man. All right. Our first question, skypeck.

00:08:03.180 I know you use Sorenx workout equipment. Have you ever looked into Bruce force sandbags? They are a

00:08:09.600 game changer. Um, I'm familiar with brute force sandbags, but I have not used them. I don't have them,

00:08:17.420 but I do like the idea of having something that isn't balanced. Yeah. Cause like if you go,

00:08:22.400 it's, it's almost like Rocky four, right? You have the Russian and all of the equipment that

00:08:28.000 he's using is machine and it's balanced just perfectly. And then you have Rocky who's up in

00:08:32.580 the, in the wilderness, chopping wood and carrying logs around. And so I think there's something to

00:08:37.840 be said for training equipment that isn't precise, that isn't machine that isn't balanced just

00:08:43.780 perfectly. Uh, and that's a little bit more natural, like you would do in your natural element.

00:08:48.780 So definitely I can see some value in there and I think I'll probably just go, I don't know,

00:08:54.720 I'll pick up a bag and throw it around and do what I can do. But yeah, a lot of guys I know who use

00:08:59.100 brute force sandbags, uh, seem to like them. So I'll check it out. Yeah. I was in fact, just last

00:09:05.280 week I was doing Turkish getups with a 60 pound sandbags is brutal, man. Like holding it with one

00:09:12.380 hand. No. So you like put it on your shoulder and then you do a Turkish getup and then you switch

00:09:18.540 to the other shoulder and then do it back and forth. Cause I only know a Turkish getups. I've

00:09:22.820 only done them with, with the kettlebell. Yeah. Yeah. So instead of having the arm extended,

00:09:27.300 you're just holding it on your shoulder and then still doing the same Turkish getup week,

00:09:32.820 get up 60 pound bag in one hand on your shoulder. That's easy. Try putting in your hand

00:09:40.180 or hold it in your mouth while you do that. Okay. Wrap it up, wrap your beard around it and do like

00:09:48.120 beard ups and work your neck. Beard ups. You would have a name for it.

00:09:55.780 This just proves that you've thought of these things. Oh, for sure. How could I not? One of my

00:10:01.500 ultimate goals in life is because I've been doing a jujitsu a lot more is to choke somebody out with my

00:10:06.620 beard. If I can do that, I feel like I've reached the pinnacle of beardness and jujitsu of beardness.

00:10:13.480 I read it. I read a meme yesterday. It was, is every woman wants to marry a man with a long beard

00:10:20.820 because the patience it took him to grow that beard is the kind of patience he needs to put up with your

00:10:26.800 shit. That's funny. But the thing is, I mean, that's funny. Yes. But look, growing a beard is the

00:10:35.220 lack of trying. It's like, it's a, it's a sign of laziness. That's exactly what it is. It's,

00:10:42.080 it's easier to grow a beard than it is to shave. Now, granted you have to shower every day because

00:10:48.320 otherwise you'll have like beard. What would you call it? Instead of like bed head, you'd have

00:10:53.360 beard, bed beard or something. So you do have to shower every day. Yeah. It's like a beard. Yeah.

00:10:59.260 Yeah. But, uh, outside of that, like people say, Hey, how do I grow a beard? Uh, you literally do

00:11:05.960 nothing. It's awesome. Yeah. All right. Let's keep going. All right. Chris Rad, Radquitz. Chris,

00:11:13.680 you better be proud that I pronounced your name correctly. You don't know. You don't know that

00:11:18.360 you did. I know. I know. Chris, you can confirm. Um, it would be interesting to hear your thoughts

00:11:24.400 about how technology affects our lives, either in ways that we can be beneficial, where it makes it

00:11:30.020 easier to connect with our clients or better organized, uh, throughout our days, but it can

00:11:34.820 also have the effect of negative ways. Also, maybe the perspective is different between older men and

00:11:40.260 younger men. Yeah. I mean, technology is simply a tool, right? So if I needed to, uh, screw a screw

00:11:50.100 into a piece of wood, then a hammer probably wouldn't cut it. Does that mean a hammer isn't

00:11:54.860 good? No, it just means the hammers, but not the right tool for the job. So the thing that I have

00:12:00.980 to be cautious of is all of my work is right here, which quite literally means that it never leaves my

00:12:07.720 side. And that is a danger for me. In fact, I just made a post on, uh, on Instagram just last night.

00:12:13.640 And I said, Hey, in an attempt to rid myself of bad social media habits and allowing some,

00:12:19.960 some negativity to pour into my family life in the evening, I'm just going to sign out of this

00:12:24.140 device altogether in the evening. And so I did that last night and that's not indefinite, but you know,

00:12:28.580 I want to try it and experiment and see if that works because I noticed that the technology that's

00:12:33.560 wonderful, that's connecting us, that has allowed this podcast to be listened to over 20 million times,

00:12:39.500 uh, that has done the tremendous work that it's done is all using social media and technology and

00:12:45.880 digital technology. But at the same time, if we're not using it correctly, uh, or we're letting it get

00:12:50.980 out of hand, then it actually undermines what it is we're trying to accomplish. So I think you really

00:12:55.500 have to ask yourself when you're using technology, whether it's computer or social media or this device

00:13:00.380 or whatever, is it actually helping you accomplish the objective? The other thing I see a lot of people do

00:13:06.520 with technology is that they'll over complicate things that don't need to be complicated. So I

00:13:11.940 used to do a lot of my planning and my tracking for my day digitally, but I noticed that it was so

00:13:18.400 complicated and there were so many little formulas and little spreadsheets and fixing this and tweaking

00:13:22.760 that. And it just became something that wasn't productive anymore. So I moved away from digital

00:13:27.940 technology and it's all analog. Now I, I use my battle planner. I write it all down every day. I use a pen

00:13:35.020 and a paper and I write down my plan and I track my plan on pen and paper. And so I'm not using

00:13:42.020 technology for tracking the way that I would for connecting with people on social media. So I think

00:13:47.840 you just really have to ask yourself, what am I trying to accomplish? And is the tool I'm going to

00:13:51.800 utilize helping me get in the right direction, pushing me forward, or is it getting in the way and

00:13:58.040 potentially it could get in the way and you have to be willing to look at that and make

00:14:00.940 corrections and adjustments along the way?

00:14:03.800 Totally. So you actually hold that, the stick thing with your finger and then that puts the-

00:14:08.940 Yes, it's really weird. You just hold it and there's this black stuff, they call it ink.

00:14:13.520 And you put it on the paper and you move your hand around in certain motions and it makes what

00:14:18.760 we call letters.

00:14:19.680 Like a keyboard does.

00:14:21.860 Like a keyboard, but different. Can you, it's, it's funny. I don't think people write in,

00:14:28.480 like can write in cursive anymore.

00:14:30.280 I don't think they do. I, I don't anymore, but I can.

00:14:33.840 I actually practice that.

00:14:35.640 We were taught that.

00:14:36.780 Right?

00:14:37.140 Well, yeah, that's what we learned.

00:14:38.300 Yeah.

00:14:38.860 Right. So I don't think people can, I think there's a lot of like, I think my kids can,

00:14:43.720 cause we're homeschooling and my wife is teaching them, but I don't think a lot of people can

00:14:47.580 write in cursive, which is an interesting thing.

00:14:50.520 I wrote in cursive on something. My kids are like, I can't read that. And it's not bad.

00:14:56.420 It's not bad. I actually have decent handwriting. They just know what cursive looks like. It's

00:15:00.540 really interesting.

00:15:01.680 Well, that is a, that is a challenge though, is that let's say that, I don't know, let's

00:15:06.280 use an example of a calculator. So you give your kid a math problem and they get the calculator

00:15:10.480 out, which is great. We have these tools, we should use them, but the calculator isn't working

00:15:14.380 or the power's dead or something. It's like, okay, well now how are you going to figure

00:15:17.560 it out? But then we hamstring ourselves to technology. And the problem with that is that

00:15:22.940 when that technology isn't working or, or isn't working correctly, or we don't have the right

00:15:27.060 technology for the job, I feel in a lot of ways we've done ourselves a disservice by not being

00:15:31.400 able to figure it out in other ways, doing long form math, for example, or, you know, just,

00:15:36.520 just the things that we need to figure out on a daily basis.

00:15:38.460 Or just the value of your brain understanding how that math equation is like the, the, how it's

00:15:45.540 calculated and how it's determined. Like just why that understanding the why of that is

00:15:50.440 probably just good for your brain. And we should probably just understand things a little bit

00:15:55.200 more.

00:15:56.000 I think it'll help you with critical thinking. Yeah. You know, that, that's why I think I

00:15:59.880 used to laugh at like story problems, right? Cause you're like, what the hell does this have

00:16:03.100 to do with anything? But that's better than math. Cause that's what life is. Life is a story

00:16:08.840 problem. It's a story with a problem in it. And you need to get creative to figure out how

00:16:14.220 you're going to address this issue you're dealing with. So I think we do well to unplug

00:16:18.800 from social media and from technology as often as we can and get in the real world. And then

00:16:24.700 we can go back to using technology. It's not the devil. It's just how you use it.

00:16:29.160 Yeah. Well, and I think there's a, there was a good, the good example of this time. I think

00:16:33.500 it was time magazine just a few years back where they had an article about how genealogy and

00:16:40.620 pornography were like the top two items that the internet was being used for.

00:16:46.060 One of them. Awesome. The other one, not so awesome. And it's just a prime example where

00:16:51.540 that tool was being used for greatness, for a good thing to connect people to our ancestors

00:16:57.540 and find value in, in our, as being a descendant and all those kinds of things and connecting

00:17:02.200 families together. And then the opposite was something that was probably breaking up families.

00:17:06.320 Yeah. It's just like, like we said, just how you use it. Yep. All right. Stephen Parker,

00:17:12.660 security versus growth. It has to be one or the other. Yeah. This is a false dichotomy, right?

00:17:19.640 Hey, well, they, let me read the question. Sorry. Uh, do you stay in the job that is safe and pays well,

00:17:25.280 or do you set out and go for the risky gold? What does each teach? Uh, what does it teach your kids?

00:17:32.060 What this, this one, this is one of those things it's hard for me to relate to. Yeah. Because if you

00:17:41.400 read that question slowly, like if this individual read this question slowly, I think he would just

00:17:47.520 naturally know the answer. Like why in the world would you want to fat, for example, fast forward

00:17:53.540 30 years from now and look back on your life. And let's just say for the sake of argument that you

00:18:00.460 took the quote unquote safe route, which I'm not actually suggesting is necessarily the safe route,

00:18:05.180 but that's the wording you use. So let's talk about that for a minute. So you take this quote

00:18:09.140 unquote safe route and you got paid a little bit more, uh, but you maybe did something that you

00:18:14.320 didn't fully enjoy, or maybe you enjoyed it, but it wasn't like your passion wasn't something that

00:18:18.760 like really motivated you, inspired you. And you kind of lived a decent mediocre life.

00:18:24.820 Would you be satisfied with that? I would be willing to bet that you would not be satisfied with

00:18:29.340 that, that there would be all sorts of, of, of resentment and bitterness and remorse for not

00:18:37.880 pursuing something meaningful and significant to you. And here's the deal. We live in a day and age

00:18:43.460 where you can pursue financially a career, something that's motivating, that's uplifting,

00:18:48.700 that's inspiring, that's that you're passionate about, that gets you fired up. And you can also make

00:18:53.940 a great living doing it order of man as a prime example. I make a great income and every day that

00:19:00.440 I get up, I get up excited about what it is I'm going to be doing that day. That is what is so

00:19:07.020 cool about modern times and technology to go to our point earlier is that we have the power to do

00:19:13.180 something that's going to make a great income for us and something that we, we are truly passionate

00:19:18.600 about. Now to get back to the safety thing, it's not safer to go the traditional route. It's a

00:19:25.760 different level of risk. It, it actually may be less risky to pursue your own career, to pursue something

00:19:35.060 that is deeply meaningful and engaging to you. It's not that doesn't have risk is that it's a different

00:19:43.340 kind of risk and you need to assess what level of risk you're willing to take versus what potential

00:19:49.920 outcome you're after. But look, life is short and we're going to die maybe this afternoon, maybe in

00:19:59.240 10 years, maybe in 80 years, but it's just too short to just do what like we're supposed to do or do

00:20:11.320 what we've been told that we need to do or color within the lines. Like it's just too short for

00:20:17.600 that. I want to live a meaningful, engaging life. And you know what, if I don't make as much money

00:20:23.260 doing it and it's been exciting and allowed me a lot of opportunities and cool conversations and

00:20:29.600 powerful experiences, then I would happily trade the money for those experiences. But I don't believe

00:20:36.300 that that's necessarily the payment that you need to make. I think you could actually make more

00:20:40.060 doing something that you're excited, engaged with. It might take longer to get there, right?

00:20:44.600 Because when I started, so here's a prime example. So Order of Man, I started in March of 2015.

00:20:50.600 It took me 11 months or excuse me, I think it was seven months, seven months to make my first dollar

00:20:56.220 from Order of Man. And I made about $1,200 in November of 2015. Well, I, when I left my financial

00:21:04.100 planning practice, I quite literally stepped away from a multi six figure business to do this.

00:21:11.900 So some would say, well, that's risky. Yes, there was a level of risk associated with that. But now

00:21:17.800 I'm making significantly more than I was making in my financial planning practice. So yes, there may be

00:21:23.420 a longer lead time to generate that income, but I think you can have both. You can have your cake and

00:21:29.520 need it to. And that's what I would suggest. And it's perceived. Sometimes it's not even

00:21:34.320 accurate, right? I had a consulting company, a small company, and I had an employee once where

00:21:42.240 he wanted to step down and get a job at a corporate company, a large corporate company. And the reason

00:21:50.060 was, is he felt like, well, we're expecting a baby. And I, and I, I didn't want to work for a small

00:21:57.680 company because it was more risky. And I'm, and I told him, I'm like, how is it more risky?

00:22:04.280 You can get a job for corporate America, be a cog in a wheel, bust your ass and no one will notice.

00:22:12.000 And if the market turns, you get laid off or you can work for a consulting company that has five

00:22:17.620 employees. And the correlation between your hard work and the success of the company is almost like

00:22:24.780 directly tied to each other. Right. So would you rather have the responsibility and the control

00:22:31.300 of your destiny or have this perceived stability and not be in control whatsoever? And, and no

00:22:40.800 correlation between how hard you work and whether you keep your job or not. It's all made up in your

00:22:46.420 head. Like it's just perceived. It's just the level of risk you're willing, the type of risk you're

00:22:51.780 willing to assume. Totally. And he's still left bastard. Totally. And now he's broken,

00:22:58.560 miserable and in a dead end job. Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, if you choose to work in a corporate

00:23:04.640 environment and, and you consciously make that decision and you're satisfied with that and you

00:23:10.140 found fulfillment, cool, all the power to you. Like there's nothing wrong with that. Like not

00:23:14.860 everybody needs to start a business. I'm not suggesting that, but if you're asking this question,

00:23:18.500 then odds are that you're interested in doing it. Here's what I would say regarding what are you're

00:23:22.820 teaching your kids? What would you tell your children? Like if they were asking you about

00:23:28.120 this, what advice would you give them? Because that's what you're doing through your actions.

00:23:35.620 You may not verbally be speaking that advice, but your actions are teaching them a lesson.

00:23:40.080 And it's the lesson that you would actually, excuse me, let me say it this way. If it's not,

00:23:45.700 if your actions are not the lesson that you would share with them, then there's a disconnect,

00:23:49.880 right? And you need to figure out a way to bridge that gap. Yeah.

00:23:55.180 Steven Patrick Perry, do you believe that in today's day and age that it is still important to

00:24:01.580 ask your girlfriend's father for his blessing for proposing? I just proposed to my girlfriend tonight

00:24:06.600 and she said, yes. Congratulations, Steven. Yeah. I did ask her dad for his blessing and he gave it,

00:24:12.900 but I know not everyone does this anymore. I was curious on your thoughts.

00:24:18.280 So you sent me these questions beforehand and this is this, I read this one and I thought a lot about

00:24:22.880 this. In fact, last night I was thinking about it because is it necessary? No. Is it a requirement?

00:24:27.900 No. There's a lot of reasons why I think you would, but here's something that I'd have you consider

00:24:32.220 that maybe you haven't considered before. I want, I would, if I was in the dating world,

00:24:39.180 I would want to find a woman who had a great relationship with a wonderful father

00:24:45.240 because I think that would be very telling about our relationship together.

00:24:52.580 Totally. And if I, and I'm not saying it's always going to be this way because I know there's

00:24:57.820 exceptions, but it seems to me that if you find a woman who doesn't have a great relationship with

00:25:03.000 her father, then there may be potential daddy issues and relationship issues and some, some

00:25:09.900 inaccurate feelings about men. Again, I'm not saying that's always the case, but it seems to me

00:25:15.460 that would open it up for those problems to arise. On the other hand, if, if, if a woman has a great

00:25:22.360 relationship with a loving, committed, engaged father, then I'm going to assume that that type

00:25:31.260 of relationship would spill over into your marriage. There's a lot of other factors, but that's

00:25:35.580 something I considered. So if I find a woman like that, then I would, I would be excited to ask him

00:25:44.500 because of their relationship and the fact that I would respect him. Like I really, for example,

00:25:51.000 I really respect and look up to my father-in-law. Like he's a man who's disciplined, committed.

00:25:57.780 He, he obviously loves his family. He provides for them. He's engaged with them. He, he's made a lot

00:26:06.020 of sacrifices on his own part in order to make sure that they were always taken care of. This is a man

00:26:10.980 I really admire and respect. So why would I not pay him that honor? I would. And so I see

00:26:18.440 the demise and the breaking up of the family is as a reason why maybe that you wouldn't do this.

00:26:24.980 But if I'm looking to get into a marriage with, with a woman, then I'm going to look for a woman

00:26:29.460 who has a great family background because she understands and honors the sanctity of marriage

00:26:36.080 and she honors her father. And I want to show her that I honor her father as well. And I think that's

00:26:42.900 going to naturally spill over into your relationship with her. So yeah, I think if you, I think it'd be

00:26:49.660 a red flag if you didn't want to ask him or he wasn't even around to ask. I'm not saying it's a

00:26:55.480 deal breaker. I'm just saying that there's some things there that need to be addressed.

00:26:59.780 Yeah. You would almost assume that you're going to have in the ideal situation that you would have a

00:27:05.780 relationship with her father while dating. So it's, it'd be more natural to, to have that

00:27:11.980 conversation because it's someone that, you know, you've been around, you're aware of the family and

00:27:16.620 you respect him. You actually know who the dude is. Right. Yeah, totally. Yeah. So I, I, I like that

00:27:23.240 tradition. I think it's valuable and I think it's a level of respect on to, to him paying him respect

00:27:28.320 and to your, your wife as well. So I say yes. Totally. All right. Greg, Rocky Walker. How do you,

00:27:37.160 I stay on course of telling the truth and living by the code, but not being proceed as an asshole,

00:27:44.280 asshole or holier than thou? Well, don't be an asshole. Like, I don't understand. So you're saying

00:27:53.340 that because you're living by a code, whatever that code is that because you're living that way,

00:27:58.980 that you're being an asshole. He added the telling the truth. So I I'm assuming that it's almost like

00:28:06.580 things are happening and I need to step up and give some truth to people. Right. Yes. Here's the

00:28:14.000 answer. Don't give unsolicited feedback to people. Yeah. That's where you're probably being perceived as an

00:28:21.120 asshole because you're, you're telling people things that they haven't given you permission

00:28:25.900 for you to tell them. And that's a problem. Now, granted, there's going to be some times where you

00:28:30.560 need to say that because there's some sort of safety concern or issue that, that might pose a

00:28:35.960 risk to somebody's wellbeing or life or, okay, well, you've got to address that. But outside of that,

00:28:41.080 like be very, very cautious of giving unsolicited feedback because very rarely is it accepted as

00:28:47.160 it's probably intended, which is to help. And you potentially alienate relationships and undermine

00:28:54.780 what it is you're trying to do. So don't give feedback that you're not asked for. Like that's

00:28:59.900 the best thing, unless you're in the position like a child, for example, I got to give my kids feedback

00:29:05.300 that they haven't asked for because that's my job, right? Same thing with an employer. I have to give

00:29:10.440 feedback to employees. But if I take an, another employee on my same level for lack of a better

00:29:17.280 term, and I started giving them a bunch of feedback that they haven't asked for, like that's not your

00:29:21.560 job and that's not your right. And they're going to perceive that as you potentially being holier than

00:29:27.040 now or a know-it-all or a suck up or an a-hole or a threat or a threat. Yeah. Good point. So yeah,

00:29:34.700 just don't offer unsolicited feedback to those that you don't have a right to offer unsolicited feedback

00:29:39.640 too. Like it's the thing about that. We've got to be cautious with this word truth. Like,

00:29:47.260 like what are they speaking power to truth and all these like terms? It's like, yes,

00:29:51.520 but that doesn't mean that you need to say everything that comes to your mind.

00:29:57.260 All right. There's still some things that you probably just shouldn't say.

00:30:01.540 And I know that there's, you know, social media influencers and, oh, you should speak your truth

00:30:06.560 and share your truth and always say what's on your mind. No, you shouldn't. You should exercise

00:30:12.380 discernment. Sometimes you should speak the truth sometime, which more often than not,

00:30:18.780 what people are saying is share your perspective, not truth, but share your perspective. And sometimes

00:30:23.800 you ought to just keep your mouth shut. And it's your job to understand which course of action to

00:30:31.060 take based on the scenario and the objective that you're trying to accomplish. And it's okay that you

00:30:35.320 don't say something. You know, we live in this, this world with social media and this podcast,

00:30:40.000 for example, where we're encouraged to like speak all the time. Sometimes you just don't need to speak.

00:30:46.400 Sometimes you need to shut up and listen. And that's just as powerful. Yeah.

00:30:51.660 Man, I, I can't help, but think like how many times I ran into this unique scenario when getting

00:31:02.160 divorced. Um, my, my divorce was my ex-wife hated me. She might, she might still hate me a little bit.

00:31:09.680 Um, but, but it was really, it was a really tough scenario and there was constant use cases where

00:31:17.600 she would attack or blame or, uh, communicate kind of things that, that I believed was inaccurate and

00:31:25.440 wrong. And at first I was constantly like, Oh, I got to correct her. Right. I got to rebuttal that

00:31:30.880 got to communicate about. And then eventually I was just like, why? Like she, she is not going to see

00:31:37.320 my perspective on this. I'm not going to convince her. There's no like quote unquote legal reason.

00:31:43.280 Like I'm not even in a position. It's kind of goes back to the book, uh, crucial conversations,

00:31:47.320 right? There's a lack of trust. There is no common ground. So all communication is, is worthless at

00:31:54.960 this point, right? It's, it's not going to provide assistance. And, and, and I, and now I look at back

00:32:00.300 at this, not from a perspective of her, that she was right. And I was, or she was wrong. And I was

00:32:05.620 right as much as that's her perception. And guess what? From her world, that was probably a hundred

00:32:11.340 percent accurate. But the point was, is I was in no position to be convincing her of anything.

00:32:17.020 And I had no objective. There's no value of me rebuttaling everything. So I just disengaged.

00:32:23.080 I'm like, Oh, you know what? I'm spending cycles and energy trying to convince her of something where

00:32:27.880 there's no point of it. There's, she's not asking for my input. Right. And, but it was really hard to

00:32:33.820 do, especially in that circumstance. Cause I wanted to stand up for myself, right? No,

00:32:37.380 that's not right. Let me, let me, let me drop my opinion on you and try to convince you otherwise.

00:32:42.180 But it was, it was, it was pointless. Cause I was not in a position where she even respected me

00:32:46.580 to even listen to any of those things. Yeah. I mean, restraint can be a very powerful practice

00:32:52.500 when applied correctly. And like you said, it helps you maintain some of that, that energy and those

00:32:58.420 resources that you would be expending. Otherwise, uh, in fact, on Friday, uh, there'll be a podcast

00:33:03.920 on our Friday field notes that kind of revolves around this, the 10 commandments of logic.

00:33:09.300 And I'm going to break down how you can have civil discourse with individuals and, uh, these

00:33:15.880 commandments of logic, for example, uh, thou shalt not attack the person's character, but the argument,

00:33:20.420 the second one is thou shall not misrepresent or exaggerate a person's argument in order to make

00:33:24.640 them easier to attack. So I'm going to go through these 10 commandments of logic, ensuring that we

00:33:31.780 as communicators use these ideas of logic. And then if we realize that there's people who are

00:33:38.020 abusing these commandments of logic, that it's probably best to disengage with them because

00:33:42.080 you're in a lose, lose situation here. So I'll go through it out on Friday.

00:33:46.660 So to, to catch that Friday, subscribe to the podcast and, or look for that video on YouTube as

00:33:52.580 well. And that's youtube.com slash order of man. You're getting good at these little, uh,

00:33:57.460 these little segues, man. I'm impressed. Working it. Yes, sir. Michael Gorham, finding the balance

00:34:03.840 between building discipline and building bonds with your young sons. I, I like this question, by the

00:34:10.040 way. Um, again, again, well, no, no, no. I'm just saying they're not at odds with each other.

00:34:17.740 Yeah. Like what, when I hear, when I think of balance, I think of two conflicting ideas that

00:34:23.820 you're trying to like balance between, right? So like balancing time at work versus time with your

00:34:29.720 family. That's, that makes sense. Cause one takes away from the other. So you have to balance that to

00:34:34.720 find the right, the right place. But I don't think being disciplined and then forging bonds with your

00:34:40.300 children, I believe you said, those are at odds with each other. In fact, I think being disciplined

00:34:45.200 would help you create better bonds with your children, discipline in your schedule, discipline

00:34:50.500 in signing out of work when you say you will discipline in working out potentially even with

00:34:55.640 them and getting them involved, discipline in, uh, doing your own practices and then encouraging them

00:35:00.840 to do their practices. So they, they develop discipline. These things are not at odds with

00:35:05.580 each other unless I'm misunderstanding the question. No, I think you understood the question perfectly,

00:35:09.960 but it's interesting because when I read the question, what I immediately assumed, not assumed,

00:35:15.080 but, uh, I, I, maybe Michael and I are more on the same page because I agree, right? You can learn

00:35:20.700 and teach discipline while being active with your child, right? And being an example. However, I think

00:35:26.580 sometimes maybe it's the definition that we put around discipline and maybe Michael's looking at it

00:35:31.440 from a perspective of kind of, um, communicating discipline and writing them and, and holding them

00:35:38.700 accountable, not participating with them as much. Right. And it's more, listen to me, Timmy, you need

00:35:45.440 to get up on time and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, kind of maybe writing them hard and that's

00:35:50.340 kind of affecting your bond with them because you're, you know, you're kind of being stern with them.

00:35:55.000 Okay. So I think, yes, that makes sense. So I think what I'm hearing you say, and maybe in this

00:35:59.420 question is disciplining your children versus forging bonds with them. Yeah. Oh, that makes sense.

00:36:05.860 Okay. Yeah. But, but it's just ironic, right? Because maybe you've already answered. The question

00:36:10.640 is the way you do, you do both. And it, a lot of it has to do with showing what discipline looks like,

00:36:16.340 not just speaking to discipline all the time. Right. Well, let me give you an example. I don't

00:36:21.880 like sharing these examples because it illustrates my own inadequacies as a father, but it will, it will

00:36:27.400 help. Perfect. Let's grab this segment. So how much time are we in? So the other day I was gone at

00:36:33.580 SHOT Show, uh, last week and I told my son, okay, you got the orders. You can take care of the orders

00:36:39.720 that come in by yourself. He's like, okay, I can do that. Is that why I got five hats instead of one?

00:36:45.060 Exactly. Yeah. And he did a good, he did a pretty good job. So I got back, but it wasn't done the way

00:36:52.100 it wasn't done to standard. It wasn't done to the standard that we had talked about.

00:36:56.340 And instead of communicating that with him and having a mature discussion, I yelled at him

00:37:03.220 and I lost my cool. And I ended up having to apologize later because of the way that I responded.

00:37:10.680 Now, one might say that I was disciplining him by yelling at him, but did it produce the intended

00:37:16.920 result? The answer is certainly it did not. And it didn't create a deeper bond with us. In fact,

00:37:24.580 drove a wedge between us, not a great wedge, not something that I can't overcome, but a wedge

00:37:30.120 nonetheless. And so I had to go and apologize and fix the situation and realize that the way that I

00:37:37.420 responded was not discipline. It was immaturity and emotional reaction. And it undermined what I

00:37:44.680 wanted to get accomplished and our bond and his ability to do his job effectively. So we went back

00:37:51.220 in, I rectified the situation. I said, sorry, I apologize. And then I did what I should have done

00:37:56.660 in the first place, which was explain to him the standard again, reiterate the standard, ask him why

00:38:03.200 he didn't meet the standard. Cause he shared some things that I wasn't aware of when I was being

00:38:07.000 emotional. And then we rectified the situation and all as well. So discipline isn't about being,

00:38:14.980 isn't about being like the abusive figure, you know, that, that, that, that has the whip.

00:38:22.340 Yeah. It's about using your words and your vocabulary and your example and your actions to

00:38:27.780 produce an intended result in your children, which is that they're going to be capable of doing these

00:38:33.060 things better when you're not there. Cause isn't that ultimately the objective is to raise self

00:38:38.200 sufficient, self sustained human beings, adults. And the way that we utilize our discipline or,

00:38:45.660 or the way that we discipline our children, like spanking, I don't spank my kids. You could say

00:38:50.000 that's discipline. I know there's guys that probably do spank their kids and you can say that's

00:38:53.540 discipline, but I think it undermines what you would be trying to accomplish. So I choose not to

00:38:59.280 use that as a form of discipline. I can have a serious conversation and an uncomfortable conversation

00:39:05.700 and still forge a bond with my children because of the way I'm doing it. So just, just think about

00:39:12.460 how you're using it and, and be careful to not use it incorrectly. Like, like I did, you know,

00:39:20.120 that, that, that's something that keeps me up at night. I'm like, man, I just did not handle that.

00:39:23.880 I did not handle that good at all. So there you go. All right. He's not perfect.

00:39:31.240 I know. Shocker. Shocker. Yeah. Perfect beard. Get some things right, but not everything.

00:39:37.920 Yeah. Greg Anderson. How do you overcome being tired all the time, which in turn affects motivation

00:39:44.020 and production? Sorry, I was on mute. Cause I was taking a big drink of water there. Um,

00:39:51.320 okay. So how do you avoid being tired? Okay. There's a lot, there's a lot here. Number one,

00:39:57.400 find work that's meaningful and engaging to you. You might be tired because you're doing something

00:40:02.200 that's miserable and that would be tiring and boring. Number two, start eating better,

00:40:08.140 eat better food. Cause if you're drinking a bunch of, uh, of soda and you're eating a bunch of junk food,

00:40:13.300 then your body isn't recovering correctly. And naturally you're going to be more tired.

00:40:16.620 Number three, exercise. I know that might be counterintuitive because you think, well,

00:40:21.800 if I exercise more than I'll be more tired. Well, if you're 30 or 40 or 50 pounds overweight,

00:40:25.760 then you're carrying an extra 50 pounds around. You're naturally going to be more tired.

00:40:29.400 I used to weigh 50 pounds more than I do right now. And several years ago, I went into the gym

00:40:34.760 after I lost that 50 pounds and I picked up a 45 pound plate and I was like, holy shit. No wonder I

00:40:40.360 was tired all the time. I was literally carrying this 50 pound plate around my body every,

00:40:46.620 day all day. And while I was sleeping, I had this layer of fat around my neck that was trying to

00:40:52.440 suffocate me. Of course I'm tired. Of course I'm tired. Yeah. A couple of other strategies,

00:40:58.920 turn off the electronics before you go to bed. There's research and conclusive evidence that

00:41:04.560 suggests that the, I believe it's the blue light blocks, uh, melatonin production in our bodies

00:41:09.920 and keeps us from sleeping. So turn that device off, read a book in bed. In fact, don't even read a

00:41:16.540 book in bed, read a book in your chair. And the bed is for two things, sex and sleeping. That's

00:41:22.260 it. That's it. No TV or anything in your bedroom. None of that stuff. Make it pitch black in there.

00:41:27.800 Uh, set the temperature where it's cool. There's a lot of little things that you can do to ensure

00:41:32.240 that you're sleeping the best and then wake up early, accomplish your day, do your thing. Uh,

00:41:38.540 and those are the strategies that I would, that have worked for me. Like I don't,

00:41:41.780 I don't get tired during the day, but I feel like I've got a pretty good grasp on these,

00:41:47.140 on these things. One, one thing that I heard that I think is profound is sleep is not all created equal.

00:41:54.080 So you could be quote unquote sleeping for eight hours, but if it's not deep sleep,

00:41:59.440 you're not recovering. So I would even look at things like, um, what, what, what's the general rules?

00:42:05.100 Like no caffeine past 2 PM because people think, Oh, I can drink a cup of coffee before bed and go

00:42:11.220 to sleep and I fall asleep. Fine. Yeah. But the quality of sleep that you're getting is being

00:42:15.680 affected. So look at what you're inputting into your body before bed. Um, the general rule I've

00:42:22.040 heard is like no caffeine or anything past 2 PM because it actually takes that long for it to get

00:42:26.980 out of your system. Well, and if you really, if you really want to sleep, just don't consume caffeine at

00:42:32.480 all. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, if you want to take it to the extreme, do that. And I think that

00:42:38.560 will help. Yeah. Cool. So, all right. Zing Alec, what does, uh, what tools do you use while reading

00:42:45.380 in order to fully absorb important information? You usually what I do when I read a book,

00:42:52.180 I'd grab one there behind. I won't grab one right now, but usually what I'll do when I read is I have

00:42:57.120 a highlighter with me. So I'll read the book and if something stands out, either a segment or a

00:43:03.740 paragraph or a page is I'll highlight that sentence or paragraph, or I'll draw a vertical line on that

00:43:09.780 page, meaning this entire page is important to me. And then I'll just do a little dog ear on the

00:43:14.720 page itself and I'll keep reading. Okay. So then I'll get through the entire book. And then what I'll do

00:43:20.080 is I'll go back through the book. So I'll start at the first page and go to the pages that I dog eared

00:43:25.220 and reread the segments that I highlighted and then ask how I might be able to implement that or why

00:43:30.860 that was important. So actually go through the book twice, a full read with annotations. And then I go

00:43:36.500 back and I just read the annotations themselves. I see. Do you ever write a, I used to do this back

00:43:41.940 in the day, but I don't do it anymore. But do you ever write like a book summary afterwards? Like a,

00:43:46.460 just kind of a written out summary of the book? Did you, have you ever done that?

00:43:50.500 No, because no, that seems too time. That seems like a waste of time to me. Yeah. It just seems

00:43:56.700 like, I mean, maybe that's a good idea. Maybe I would, I should try that, but, but no, I haven't.

00:44:03.020 Yeah. I like, I've never, I've highlighted, but I actually don't go back and then intentionally

00:44:08.620 reread them. Right. Like I almost mark it as, I don't know, sometime whenever I want to look at

00:44:15.040 that again, I'll somehow look through those and. And you won't. Yeah. And I won't. Yeah. I like

00:44:20.080 that. I like that review going. You also, when I do that, I also go back the second time with the

00:44:26.800 goal of, of implementation. So what am I going to pull out? And exactly. So if I read the specific

00:44:34.040 paragraph that I really liked, my question is, okay, now what? Cool. Great sentence. What do I do

00:44:40.400 with this information? And then I try to take one thing and apply it into my practices. Um,

00:44:45.580 the trap that I fell into several years ago was just reading a ton of books just for the sake of

00:44:51.360 reading books. And I thought like that was the badge of honor. Well, if you never apply any of it,

00:44:56.420 it doesn't really matter. So I've actually scaled way back on my book reading and read more for

00:45:01.960 application rather than consumption. Let me ask you this. There's a great quote that I read years and

00:45:07.820 years ago, and I've never been able to find this quote, but it was something to the extent of

00:45:12.600 thoughts. And like, it's really around thought without conclusion is like a waste of time.

00:45:20.740 And, and I really liked that thought process, mostly from the perspective of people complain

00:45:25.020 about saying, Oh, I hate that this is this way. And then they move on. Well, then what's the

00:45:29.480 conclusion? Like, what are you going to do about it? And I, and I think when we read books without

00:45:33.060 the intention of implementation, it's the same thought process is, Oh, awesome information.

00:45:37.560 Yeah. But what are you going to do about it? What now? What, like, what's the conclusion that

00:45:42.100 you're going to step away with? Because that means action, right? Coming out of gathering more

00:45:46.940 information. But yeah, no, that's a great point. It's, you know, we, we have a phrase in our church

00:45:54.960 of, of pondering the scriptures, right? Yeah. And the idea of, of pondering the scriptures is not

00:46:00.620 simply reading them, but pondering on them, like reflecting, thinking about it, putting yourself

00:46:07.540 in, in the, the shoes of the characters you're reading about and the scenarios that you're,

00:46:12.700 that you're learning from and figuring out how it'll apply to your life. And what is the lesson

00:46:18.300 being taught and how can that make you a better human being? We can take that same concept,

00:46:23.120 pondering and utilize it when it comes to reading other books that we might be interested in.

00:46:29.680 So yeah, reflect, ponder, put yourself in their shoes, ask yourself, like, what is the outcome,

00:46:36.000 the objective to your point earlier? And I just think you'll have a better time retaining that

00:46:39.600 information. Yeah. Cool. Um, alphabet Paul, can you tell me the secret of your success? The secret,

00:46:48.440 secret. The secret. I don't know. Well, I don't, I don't know that join the iron council. We'll let

00:46:57.040 you know there. We'll tell you the secret on day one. Right. Um, well, I don't know if the premise is

00:47:04.460 entirely true in that a couple of things in that there is one secret, maybe key. Yes. Yeah. And in

00:47:10.800 that I'm really all that successful. I mean, yeah, I've had some success, you know, relative to other

00:47:17.180 people, I guess, but I mean, plenty of people are just as successful, if not more so. So I don't know,

00:47:22.600 like if I understand or agree with the entire premise. Um, and, and like, what is success anyways?

00:47:29.540 Like, are you talking about success in my business? Are you talking about success with,

00:47:33.820 with my family, joyful, like fulfillment, happy financial success? Like, what is it

00:47:39.500 that's true for? I don't know. So my general, it's a very, to your point you made last week about

00:47:45.120 general questions that are hard to answer. I will give general advice or suggestions or thoughts.

00:47:53.620 Uh, number one, I would say is have a plan. Well, have an objective, excuse me. You need to have

00:48:03.740 objective first and have something that you're after. Cause if you're not after anything, then you don't

00:48:09.200 really know what you're trying to go towards. Right. It's just, yeah, good point. You get great

00:48:13.580 analogy. You're just blowing around wherever the wind takes you. So having an objective number to

00:48:18.840 have a plan to meet that objective. It's not going to be perfect. It's not going to work out exactly

00:48:23.840 right. But if you have a plan, you're going to get there quicker than if you don't have a plan

00:48:27.400 and you're just bouncing around, hoping to get to point B. Uh, number three is find people. And this

00:48:34.940 is a direct, uh, benefit of the podcast is find successful people who are doing what you want to

00:48:41.840 do and, and, and pick their brain, talk with them, learn from them, be mentored by them, read their

00:48:49.800 books, sign up for their newsletters, go to their courses, surround yourself by these individuals.

00:48:54.580 And then you will get there. If you implement the same thing, your likelihood of you getting to the

00:48:58.980 same place is pretty significant and then go to work. That's it. Just don't be distracted. Just go

00:49:06.060 to work and, and, and be consistent and show up every day. And regardless of how you feel or what

00:49:12.680 your emotions are at any given day, like just go do the work, execute the plan, execute what these

00:49:18.860 individuals are teaching you and, and just do it and fall in love with the process and realize that

00:49:24.260 through that process, inevitably you're going to produce the results when, when you're ready.

00:49:29.280 You'll produce the result when you're ready. You have to do the work to get to that point.

00:49:33.120 Yeah. And, and I think one of the profound things that you said, Ryan is what is success? I think

00:49:41.620 it's important for us to identify that, not to have some elusive idea that once I make some money,

00:49:49.380 I will be happy or like, you need to be really clear on that. I remember my thought process going into

00:49:56.860 college was, um, so my dad was a farmer, worked in a coal mine. And so I thought, man, if, if post

00:50:04.660 college, if I can make as much money as he makes at that age, I'd be golden. That was, that was $40,000.

00:50:12.120 That was my goal. Yeah. Seriously. That was like success to me. Cause that's all, you know,

00:50:18.660 right? Yeah. Right. College wasn't even a conversation by the way, in my family. Like

00:50:23.420 it was a rare, like when I brought that up, my parents are like, uh, what really? Yeah. I,

00:50:28.500 I didn't even know. Interesting. I didn't know how to sign up. I got totally different world that I was

00:50:34.340 raised in. But my point is, is I thought that was success. And guess what? When 40 came, did I feel

00:50:40.560 successful? No, no. Then I thought, you know what? It's 60. I need 60. Got 60. It felt a lot like 40.

00:50:48.860 Yes. And 80 still felt like 40 and a hundred still felt like 40. And, and that's what happens to people.

00:50:55.740 I think is we think that success or happiness and joy is maybe in a dollar value without clearly

00:51:03.340 sitting back and defining anything. And when it comes, we just keep chasing this carrot. That's

00:51:08.060 constantly floating in front of us. When reality, all that we needed to do is have flexibility of time

00:51:13.560 and have wonderful experiences with our family. And guess what? I could have pulled that off at 40.

00:51:18.840 Yeah. So I think we needed to find what is success.

00:51:22.840 It's hard because what we do is we compare ourselves to so many other people. That's a

00:51:29.580 social media thing, right? We look at what all these other people are doing and we have the fear

00:51:32.860 of missing out and, and the, the, the plague of keeping up with the Joneses and how come I'm not

00:51:38.440 popular like that guy or running around in this person's circles. And so we think, well, once I have

00:51:43.340 that, that's external factor, then like you said, then I'll be happy. Then I'll be satisfied. Then I'll be

00:51:49.280 fulfilled. No, you have to be those things first. The, uh, the other things will come naturally

00:51:53.860 inevitably. Yeah. And we talk about this. You be, you take action and then you have, right? There

00:52:00.080 is no like, Oh, once I have these things, then I'll be happy. No, it doesn't work that way because

00:52:06.060 one, you use this analogy all the time is you didn't earn it. So you're not going to be that way

00:52:11.320 because you haven't even earned that right to, to have that. And how much control do we have

00:52:17.620 really over still, uh, over our circumstances? Like the Stoic approach to this is regardless of

00:52:22.920 circumstances that we have in life, you can choose to show up a certain way. And that is who we are

00:52:28.500 being in the moment. All right. Well said Chris Baber. Oh, this isn't a question. I just wanted to say

00:52:36.680 my wallet is awesome. And by showing his wallet to people, he gets a 25% five, 25% discount in all

00:52:43.820 purchases, not guaranteed by the way. Wait, what did you say? I didn't catch that. I joke around

00:52:49.680 with my kids. So I tell my boys, I'm like, see my order man. Well, cause they all want one. Right.

00:52:54.580 And you've been, we've been sold out of them. So I haven't snagged some more ones, but they think

00:52:58.480 it's great. And so I'm like, you know what? I'm like, I just showed the order man logo on the

00:53:02.880 wallet at the drive-in and they're like, give me free stuff. Right. Oh yeah. Order a man guy.

00:53:08.840 You're good. Extra burrito for you. I'm not going to charge you for the sour cream.

00:53:14.700 I didn't know that. I'm going to actually try that. You should try it. Just start flashing

00:53:19.540 your wallet at people and see what happens. You know what's funny is I bet you could get

00:53:23.700 discounts if you did that. Like I bet if you said, Hey, um, is there an order of bad discount?

00:53:29.580 Yeah. And just showed like, Hey, I'm part of order of man. And you had your shirt on or

00:53:34.740 a hat or a, or your wallet and say, can I get that order of man discount? I was told

00:53:38.960 I can get 10%. I'd be really curious to see how many people can get discounts. Try that

00:53:43.660 guys. Try that. Please. I beg of you try that. And if you have success getting a quote unquote

00:53:51.200 order of man discount at stores, I will, I'll send you some free stuff. Like I'll send you

00:53:57.540 a real order of man discount. Yeah. Like I will, if you have, if you can verify that you had a

00:54:03.880 legitimate discount that they gave you because you were a member of order of man, I will send you

00:54:08.660 something. I love it. I love it. That would be so awesome. I ruined what Chris wanted to share.

00:54:13.640 What he really wanted to share was that his wallet's awesome, but the card from Brecken was

00:54:17.960 even better. Yeah. Brecken does a little, little, uh, sign note in, in the, uh, in the orders and

00:54:25.920 lets people know what he's all about and what he's doing. So he likes doing that.

00:54:29.460 That's great. Cool. Will Bagley. Hey guys, I'm graduating in a year with a degree in special

00:54:34.760 education as a future public school teacher. What can I do to mentor board boys in need of

00:54:40.860 father figures without overstepping professional boundaries? How can I create a classroom culture

00:54:46.180 that doesn't shame boys for being boys? How can I effectively teach to, to their learning styles?

00:54:51.880 Yeah. I think we talked about this several weeks ago, but the biggest thing I think you're going

00:54:55.900 to need to do with boys is have some sort of experiential learning, right? If you, if you purely

00:55:00.820 teach from the textbooks, uh, you're going to have a hard time connecting with these boys. Like you

00:55:05.460 don't want to learn from a textbook. No, no boy wants to learn from a textbook. This is why girls seem

00:55:10.300 to thrive when it comes to education and getting into college. And now we see more women getting,

00:55:15.860 getting these jobs and career opportunities because of it. So I think you're going to have to find a way

00:55:20.380 to get them to get more of their senses involved in the learning and growing educational process,

00:55:26.900 whether that's through field trips or competition in the classroom. Uh, I, I really liked the idea

00:55:32.900 Kip. I think you had of partnering them up in the class and letting them compete to some degree to what

00:55:39.500 you can and seeing how that would foster a healthy dose of competition and excitement in the young men

00:55:45.420 that you're going to be dealing with. Uh, but yeah, the more senses you can get involved, the more you can

00:55:49.600 get them outside of the classroom, the more that you can get them engaged beyond just reading out of

00:55:53.000 a textbook, the more success you're going to have. I commend you for going into this field,

00:55:57.240 primarily driven by women. Uh, but man, we need more men teaching these boys what it means to be a

00:56:05.360 man. And look, here's the deal. A woman cannot fully teach a young man what it means to be a man.

00:56:11.080 She can teach a lot about what it means to be a good person, but there's so many different nuances

00:56:15.660 and experiences and hormones that a woman's never going to understand about a young boy. And it's

00:56:20.920 going to take you as a teacher potentially as the only male influence in these young men's lives in

00:56:25.980 a lot of cases to, to do that. I had some great coaches in my life when I was young. Uh, and I

00:56:32.740 really credit them with a lot of the growth and success that I've had as a young man. And even me

00:56:37.740 being almost 40 years old now. So you can be instrumental in these people's, in these kids' lives. Uh,

00:56:43.580 but you got to get their noses out of the textbook and get them into experiences and they're going to

00:56:47.440 have more success.

00:56:48.840 Well, and I think also to, to add Ryan is they're going to connect to him differently because he is

00:56:55.640 a male. So he, one, he brings something else to the table because being a male, he understands things

00:57:02.380 differently and those kinds of things, but the boys are going to relate to him differently because

00:57:05.820 they're the same. And, and even if those same things were being taught by a female, it would,

00:57:10.460 they wouldn't relate as the same way. So there's, there's going to be a natural connection that's

00:57:14.680 going to form. What's your thoughts, Ryan, on, you know, him saying, you know, being a quote unquote

00:57:20.720 father figure without overstepping professional boundaries, kind of being that, I mean, do you

00:57:26.300 think that's just going to innately happen? Is there any thoughts there?

00:57:30.820 Well, I mean, I don't think you can get too, too close. Right. And that could pose a danger

00:57:36.200 to them and, and also a risk to you. And you, you certainly don't want to do that. So yeah,

00:57:40.260 yeah, you have to maintain the professional distance just like you would in any other work

00:57:45.360 environment. You're not as a boss and the leader. Sometimes we have to do this. Yeah.

00:57:49.260 Right. So you're not going to be intrusive. You're not going to get into their, their personal lives

00:57:55.300 and their personal stories. Um, you know, you're going to learn about them. You're going to learn

00:58:00.000 about what they're going through and maybe they disclose some of that information to you, but

00:58:03.580 be, be guarded, be shielded, protect yourself, protect them as well. Uh, and maintain the,

00:58:10.500 the distance, uh, the emotional connection, but realize that you are playing an integral part in

00:58:16.020 their life, but the personal one-on-one closeness is something that just can't happen. It just can't

00:58:22.640 happen. You're, you're just exposing yourself to all sorts of risk that, um, could, could be

00:58:27.900 jeopardizing, frankly, to your career and your livelihood. So be careful there.

00:58:31.060 Yeah. And like you said, Ryan, commend you, Will. That's awesome. Like I, I was after reading

00:58:38.040 that question, I was kind of like pumped up for him in regards to kind of what he's made

00:58:42.540 his mission. Well, just the fact that he's asking about it, he's going to experiment with,

00:58:47.760 with, with different strategies and try different things. But again, man, get them to compete,

00:58:52.080 get them experiences, get the senses involved and you'll be good to go.

00:58:54.940 Yeah. Okay. Uh, Zach, uh, Skylar, uh, Skylar, when a man has been cheated on multiple times,

00:59:04.000 at what point would you personally walk away? Also, what if your spouse wanted to engage in open

00:59:10.460 marriage? How would you approach this? Oh man. Wow. Well, the first, let me answer the second

00:59:16.980 question. The answer is no. So if my wife, right. Yeah. If she went, if she said, I want to engage

00:59:24.540 in open marriage, it's like, cool, get the divorce papers ready. Yeah. Cause we're, I'm not playing

00:59:28.720 that game. And it's not work. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, uh, we would say this all the time. We're

00:59:35.600 not psychiatrists, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I've known guys that have thought this,

00:59:40.860 that it would be, that it would work or it'd be cool or what? No joke. I'll share this quick story.

00:59:46.700 So church guy at church, we're, we're home teaching companions. We go meet with our families.

00:59:53.620 I'm driving, I'm on my way to bringing him back to his house. And he goes, I'm like, so dude,

01:00:00.040 how's things going? Blah, blah, blah. He's like, things are fine. He's like, yeah, things are going

01:00:03.420 really well. And he starts to tell me that they're having an open relationship with another couple.

01:00:08.760 And I'm like, dude, that is not going to work. And he's like, Oh man, it's our, our love life's

01:00:15.500 better. Everything's better. I'm like, dude, is that going to work? Like I'm telling you right now,

01:00:20.160 like there's so much gray that you are creating, like, and it took like three months. Right. And

01:00:26.500 of course they're getting to divorce and that seems long for me, but he's good. I guess, but I was like

01:00:32.880 shocked. I was like, what are you kidding? You are crazy one. And even if,

01:00:38.540 I don't know for me, I couldn't even deal with it. Like me personally, I don't, I don't know if

01:00:43.720 I'm overly jealous or what the deal is, but the thought process just makes the hair on my arm

01:00:48.940 stand up. Like I cannot, I could not deal. No way. Yeah. Sorry. I don't think most, I don't think

01:00:55.180 most men can or, or should. I just, it's not conducive to a healthy relationship with somebody

01:01:01.400 you're trying to be intimate with. Like if you want to have an open relationship, just don't get

01:01:05.180 married. That's fine. Yeah. Just date around. Yeah. Right. Like if you want to, if you want to

01:01:09.060 hook up and you want to see other women and she wants to see other men. Okay. Well then don't

01:01:12.540 commit to each other because that's what a marriage is. Yeah. Right. A marriage is I have committed to

01:01:17.060 you. Uh, uh, dating is I have not yet committed to you and therefore we are free to see other people.

01:01:24.180 And if that's the case, cool, have fun, go do it. But once you've committed, that's a commitment

01:01:29.720 and that's, that should be honored and respected. Uh, what was the first part of the question?

01:01:35.600 The difficult question. Uh, when a man has been cheated on multiple times, at what point would

01:01:40.520 you personally walk away? Uh, that's for every man that has died for himself, but I can't imagine

01:01:46.400 ever accepting, uh, my wife back into my life. Uh, if that is the case, I honestly think that,

01:01:53.520 that cheating on your spouse is the lowest of low. Like I think that it is one of the most

01:02:01.260 despicable things that you could do. And I know that there's a lot of guys who are listening to

01:02:06.780 this right now who have, who have cheated on their spouses. And I'm telling you that is despicable

01:02:11.500 behavior and you need to rectify it as quickly as possible. Stop it, get a divorce, break up with

01:02:18.880 the mistress or, or, or the other gal. You need to knock that off right now. Um, and if my wife ever

01:02:26.380 said that she, that would, that would, she cheated on me, that would be a very difficult thing for me

01:02:30.540 to overcome or even have the desire to overcome. Cause I just don't feel like an individual like

01:02:34.840 that can be trusted. Yeah. And, and to Zach's question, multiple times would just, yeah, I mean,

01:02:41.980 come on, like that puts the multiplier on the difficulty of the whole scenario. I get, look,

01:02:48.320 I can understand, I can understand how it would happen. You know, you get, you get into your

01:02:53.660 marriage and you get into a little bit of a rut and things get boring or monotonous and you've

01:02:57.660 got some kids and then you've got this, you know, this attractive young woman at work or, you know,

01:03:02.840 somebody you've met and she gives you a little attention and she's got a hot bod and, and, and

01:03:06.720 she's cute and you know, you make a mistake and it is a mistake. I, you know, I can understand that

01:03:11.060 not condoning it, but I can understand it. You can see where a guy could get himself into that

01:03:17.400 position. Of course. But, or, or a woman, same thing with a woman. I could see it, but then if

01:03:24.240 you rectify it and it happens again, no, that's no longer a mistake. That's, that's a behavior.

01:03:31.960 That's a pattern. And, and I, I just, I'm not one to play that game at all. It's again,

01:03:38.060 it's despicable behavior. Yeah. There would have to be some serious,

01:03:42.540 almost like transformation happening post cheat for it to even have the thought of being successful

01:03:52.220 to even pull that off. I've actually known couples. I've heard of couples that have like

01:03:57.300 successfully turned around a marriage where cheating was present, but I'm assuming that's a

01:04:03.720 rarity. And in most cases, um, they probably never recover from, from something. I know, I know,

01:04:10.180 I know some too. And, and if it works all the power to you, and I'm so glad that you could work

01:04:15.820 it out. I think it's very powerful, but man, that's a, that's a tough one for me. Very tough

01:04:21.720 one for me. All right. One more question. You good with that? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go. All right.

01:04:27.040 Robbie Vander. Dang it. I should have given you a hard, hard name today. Yeah. Vander

01:04:32.240 Robbie, how do you handle anxiety? I don't get, I don't get a whole lot of anxiety. You seem like a

01:04:42.900 real anxious person. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I don't get a whole lot of anxiety and that, that might be

01:04:48.420 a personality. I think it's certainly a personality trait. Like some people are more anxious than others.

01:04:53.380 Uh, here's what I would say though, get to work. What would you, if you don't mind,

01:04:58.780 what would you say anxiety looks like? Um, I think anxiety can come from maybe several different

01:05:10.960 things. Uh, maybe your life isn't what you expect it to be, right? So the physical manifestation of

01:05:19.100 your life isn't what you have in your head and that expectation, right? That could be on the micro

01:05:24.340 level, like a project at work, isn't working out correctly the way that you expected it to go.

01:05:28.220 Or it could be on the macro level, like your relationship is falling apart or you're not

01:05:32.180 as successful as you thought you would. And you're 40 years old now. And you thought your life would be

01:05:35.420 so much further down the road. But I think there's a, uh, incongruity between your actual life and the

01:05:42.280 expectation of your life. I would say that's probably mostly where it comes from outside of maybe some

01:05:47.780 mental illness or something like that. Medical situations. Yeah. Yeah. So the best thing that

01:05:54.460 you can do if, since I believe that's where it comes from and that's where it stems from. The

01:05:58.040 other thing I would say is, uh, you're focused on things that you can't control. Yeah. Right. So

01:06:05.400 because you're going to be, you're going to be stressed out all the time, all the time because

01:06:09.940 you can't change it. Yeah. Because when I get stressed out and I get stressed out, I'm not an anxious

01:06:13.860 person, but I get stressed out. And my wife will say to me, is there anything you can do about it

01:06:18.120 right now? And my answer is no. Does it make me feel better? No, I'm still stressed out about it,

01:06:23.920 but I'm stressed over things I can't do anything about. So I've really had to embrace the stoic

01:06:29.700 concept of focus on the things that you can control when you can control them. If there's nothing you

01:06:34.360 can do right now, then maybe you can make a plan for something you can do down the road. That's one

01:06:37.960 thing, one strategy I've used. Uh, but I think it's hard anxious and have anxiety if you're actively

01:06:46.320 engaged in fixing the problem you're anxious about, right? So if you're anxious about work,

01:06:51.920 but you're actively engaged in fixing the problem or fixing whatever it is you're dealing with,

01:06:55.720 it's hard to be down and have anxiety and depression and upset. You're, you're fixing it. You're

01:06:59.920 rectifying it. My mom always used to say idle hands are the devil's workshop, right? So she'd say,

01:07:05.140 don't ever be bored. And that's where we started to get in our own head where we're bored. And

01:07:09.880 we're, you know, we're just like caught in these feedback loops of just thinking about things,

01:07:14.240 but not really acting on them. So just get to work, just, just make a plan, execute the plan,

01:07:21.420 move the needle, and you're not going to have this same level of anxiety. And then stop focusing on

01:07:26.160 things that are outside of your control, identify what they are and stop focusing on them.

01:07:30.020 Do you think there's an element of being present that removes it? I'll give you an example. My

01:07:36.880 daughter, bad parenting on my part. She w we were looking at, um, where were we? It was during

01:07:43.460 Christmas where I think it was during Christmas, looking at Christmas lights, running hands in her

01:07:47.760 pocket. I was like, Oh, and, uh, went running up some stairs, tripped, took a concrete step to her

01:07:54.840 chin. And the poor little thing, she got, uh, stitches, like, I don't know, a couple of months

01:08:00.900 ago, by the way, it was like brutal. I think we talked about this on the, on the podcast. She was

01:08:05.620 like, not letting shots to go in her toe is like a really tough situation for her. She did not want

01:08:10.960 to get stitches and all this stuff falls on the, on the, on the step. And she gets cut. And I look at

01:08:16.800 it immediately. And we're like, she's getting stitched. Like that's the first thought that crossed

01:08:21.020 my mind. It was poor things. Yeah. Stitches on her chin. And immediately she goes, I'm going to

01:08:27.020 have to get stitches. Aren't I? Right. I didn't, we didn't even say anything, but she immediately

01:08:30.640 went to, I'm going to have to get stitches. And she started really crying and being just stressed

01:08:36.800 out and anxious and just really like deal having a hard time dealing with the circumstance. And,

01:08:43.040 and I told her, I'm like, well, hold on. Do you know if you're going to have to get stitches or not?

01:08:47.920 She's like, no, but I bet. I'm like, no, no, no, you don't know. Right. That's not up to me.

01:08:54.920 That's not up to mom. We're going to take you to the doctor. He's going to look and he's going to

01:08:59.740 tell us. But right now you don't know if you need stitches. So let's not even get stressed out about

01:09:06.320 it since we don't even know if it's going to happen or not. And just be present with the idea

01:09:10.660 that like, okay, we don't know. Let's, let's keep it closed as much as possible. Right. And then,

01:09:17.280 and then if you go to the doctor and he says, Hey, you're getting stitches, then stress out.

01:09:21.880 Right. Like, right. Then, then, you know, it's going to actually happen. But until it happens,

01:09:25.900 until you know, that's actually going to be the case, let's just be focused on, on what is so,

01:09:30.560 and what is so is we don't know. Right. Right. And I think there's a little bit of anxiety with

01:09:36.240 looking to the future and assuming the worst, and it's going to be this, or it's going to be that.

01:09:40.360 And versus just being present with our current state of things.

01:09:44.180 Yeah. I, I, I like that. That makes sense. I think that falls in line with focusing on things

01:09:50.580 you can't take an action at the moment. Yeah. Right. Like you can't control that. Like you can't

01:09:57.420 control the outcome. Like she cut her chin open. What's happened's happened. Now the priority is to

01:10:04.340 focus on the things that you can control, which is keeping it closed, stop the bleeding, calm yourself

01:10:09.000 down, you know, whatever, put some ice on it to reduce swelling, like focus on the things you can

01:10:13.860 control, which is the actions you can take. Whether you're going to get stitches or not right now is

01:10:18.740 frankly, it's just out of your hands. So don't get wrapped up in it as to the best of your, your,

01:10:25.200 your ability, which is tough. I actually, I fell today. I was, I got out of my truck thing. You're

01:10:30.040 running with your hands in your pockets. No, I got out of my truck. I just got back from the post

01:10:34.740 office and I got out of my truck and it's snowing a little bit today. And that snow man is slick snow

01:10:40.560 today. And I just, and like, I fell and I was, I had something in my hands, both hands. I had like

01:10:46.300 a letter and I don't know, something in my other hand. And I fell and like, I landed on my elbow.

01:10:52.220 And when I hit, I'm like, Oh, I just broke my collarbone. Cause I thought like, I, like I said,

01:10:57.540 I landed on my elbow and it pushed my shoulder up and I felt it in my collarbone. I'm like,

01:11:02.040 I just broke my collarbone and I'm sitting there. And of course I do. The first thing you do when

01:11:07.460 you fall is you look around and make sure nobody saw. I'm like, I'm like, okay, nobody saw.

01:11:15.560 So I get up and I'm like, like move my shoulder a little bit. It's a little tender. It feels fine

01:11:20.440 now. So I didn't break it, but my elbow really hurts. So yeah, I fell today. And by the way,

01:11:25.920 she ended up not getting stitches. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Yeah. See, there you go. Don't focus on that

01:11:31.740 stuff. Yeah. Worked out. Okay. Yeah. Cool. Well, should we wrap it up for today? Yes,

01:11:36.700 sir. All right. A lot of good questions there. Yeah, no, those are great questions. And we

01:11:40.560 mentioned this earlier, right? Join us on Facebook guys. If you want to submit these questions or just

01:11:44.440 be part of the conversation that's similar to this conversation, but with other, what 61,000 other

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01:12:00.660 It seems like, so you can join us there, facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

01:12:06.040 And of course you can join us in the iron council, our exclusive brotherhood to learn more about the

01:12:12.840 iron council, go to order of man.com slash iron council. Um, I believe we had a few spots, not many,

01:12:20.460 but there's just a few spots for the legacy event on June 11th through the 14th. That's in Maine.

01:12:26.260 It's a father and son event boys, uh, between the ages of eight and 15 years of age.

01:12:31.640 You can learn more about the legacy events at order of man.com slash legacy. And of course,

01:12:37.900 Ryan mentioned this earlier Friday field notes. I'm actually looking forward to that episode that

01:12:43.400 you mentioned, uh, to catch that episode, subscribe to the podcast, check out the YouTube channel

01:12:48.620 and, or just join Ryan on Instagram or Twitter at Ryan Mickler, M I C H L E R to get, just stay in

01:12:56.100 contact and get updated. Right. And, uh, and he often posts different episodes get released and,

01:13:01.920 and that's just another way to stay connected and, and, um, updating in regards to different

01:13:07.320 podcasts and things that we are doing. And of course, um, to join the challenge, the wallet

01:13:13.020 challenge, the discount wallet challenge, you can get that wallet and many more items at store.orderofman.com.

01:13:21.380 Let us know. I'm actually really curious about this. I think somebody can do it. I want to,

01:13:26.440 again, just to reiterate, if you can get, it doesn't matter how you do it, but if you can get

01:13:31.320 an order of man discount, it has to be an order of man discount. It can't just be like,

01:13:35.400 Oh, you have to say, can order of man discount. Yep. And if you can say that and you can verify

01:13:43.600 that by maybe showing me what you got or showing me your receipt, you know, with 10% off or whatever,

01:13:49.560 you can verify the order of man discount, then I'll send you something. I think somebody can do it.

01:13:55.920 I think several somebodies can do it. I'm a little worried. Maybe a bunch of people will try and I'll

01:13:59.680 be sending out shirts for, for weeks. All right, guys. For a limited time. This is a limited time

01:14:05.660 while supplies last. All right, guys. Appreciate you. Thanks for being on the path. Thanks for

01:14:11.240 helping both Kip and I. I'm speaking for you, Kip, a little bit on this, but helping us to be

01:14:14.580 better men as well. Uh, we really appreciate the, the accountability and the questions and everything

01:14:19.140 else you're doing. All right, guys, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:14:23.420 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:14:28.080 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 29, 2020

The Power of Technology, Disciplining Children, and Safety vs. Growth ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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