Order of Man - The Pros of Being Judgmental, Patience vs. Ambition, and Embracing the Total Victory Mindset ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? It's good to see you representing that

00:00:27.040 the original Order of Man shirt there. It is my favorite shirt, for sure. When's it going to fall

00:00:32.020 off? Literally just fall off of your shoulders and back. It actually looks like it's in pretty

00:00:36.740 good condition. You must not wear it a lot. I cycle through my Order of Man t-shirts,

00:00:42.040 so then that way I can keep them all pristine and nice. I think I'm representing the newest

00:00:48.120 Order of Man shirt today. Have I sent you one of these yet? No, you haven't. You keep saying you

00:00:52.660 will, but every day I come home work from early to check my mailbox, and yet it's still not there.

00:01:00.360 I keep looking for your order, but I never see it come through. So I'm like, well, as soon as

00:01:04.260 the order is one, I'll send it to them. Yeah, just send me some raw cash and envelope, and maybe

00:01:10.460 I'll get you one. Everything's for sale, right? I'll even send this one. If you want this one,

00:01:15.240 it's got my sweat, my smell. I'll send this one to you, man, if that's what you're looking for.

00:01:19.220 As long as it has a little bit of salt rings on it, I'm good to go.

00:01:23.060 It's got some salt rings on the pits. There might be a few beard hairs woven between the

00:01:28.160 fabric here and there. Life will be pretty good. I love it. It's funny. I posted a memory on

00:01:38.520 Facebook. You know how they remind you of an event from last year or whatever? Yeah.

00:01:42.400 And it was the origin immersion camp weekend, and I reposted that. And there's a picture of me and

00:01:50.080 Jocko, you know, in a picture in our geese. And a dude left a comment. He says,

00:01:56.240 did you get Jocko to sweat on you? And he's like, I would never shower again. I was like, oh, man.

00:02:04.860 Yeah. I don't think there's any man that I would not shower again for, but to each their own. Who

00:02:12.840 am I to question? What does it for you? You shouldn't judge people. Yeah.

00:02:18.040 Yeah. That's a funny thing, actually. Judgment. People talk about that. It's funny because anytime

00:02:22.840 anybody says, don't be judgmental, they're actually engaged in the same behavior they're accusing you

00:02:29.560 of. It's always a, it's always a facet. But if you tell them that, you know, it's like the all hell

00:02:34.780 breaks loose and their whole just world perception just shatters because like, how do you, how do you

00:02:41.340 debate that? You know, you're judging me for judging others. So who's more guilty here?

00:02:46.880 Learn of any teenage kid, once they start dating, if, if they should be judging or not, you know,

00:02:51.960 I mean, you're going to judge and you should discernment, discernment, discretion. Yeah. People are,

00:02:59.160 people are crazy. Like don't judge. Well, we do that every day. I saw a guy who was at the gas 0.99

00:03:03.000 station earlier today. And, uh, I saw this guy who's looking really weird, man. He was in the

00:03:07.380 back of the gas station, like hanging out in the parking lot. And he was just, he wasn't doing

00:03:12.300 anything. He was, he was smoking a cigarette and maybe, so maybe he was on his, his smoke break or

00:03:16.580 whatever, but he was just like sitting in the corner and he was standing there and he's kind of,

00:03:20.540 it seemed like he was like scoping things out. I'm like, there's something off about this

00:03:24.680 situation. So I just watched him as I pumped my gas and drove on. And maybe it was nothing.

00:03:30.020 Probably it was nothing, but judgment's a good thing. Like, don't you think we ought to be aware

00:03:35.160 of what's going on? You know, I took my daughter to the gas station the other day and we got some

00:03:39.020 donuts actually for the family. And as I was walking out, I'm like, all right, look around,

00:03:44.500 look both ways. Also look for people who's, who looks weird, who looks off. Like there's things that

00:03:50.720 you can recognize. I'm like, you see that those people over there, what'd you think about them?

00:03:53.740 Like, well, that was like a husband and wife. Like, exactly. That's what I read too.

00:03:57.480 So we actually go through these scenarios because yeah, I'm judgmental for sure. Just like everybody

00:04:03.740 else ought to be. Yep. Totally. Well, I have a, I mean, I last time I was in UAE with, uh, with Asia,

00:04:11.400 we're in Abu Dhabi. We're sitting on a train guy comes on the train and immediately the hair on my neck

00:04:17.460 stands up and I'm like, what's up with this guy? You know, and he's kind of doing the same thing,

00:04:23.160 kind of looking down the train, scoping people out and thinking this dude better not pull out a gun.

00:04:28.180 You know, I'm just, you know, I'm just waiting for something bad to happen. Next stop. He reaches

00:04:35.080 down, grabs the guy that was sitting next to him, drags him off the train doors, close. We take off.

00:04:42.220 What? Yeah. I was like, what the wife is screaming, honey, stay there. Stay there. 0.99

00:04:50.960 Doors closed. Done. The guy's wife, the guy, the guy that he grabbed off the train, his wife was

00:04:56.540 screaming. Yeah. Give me back my husband. He's, he's dragging him off the train. What? Yeah. And

00:05:01.980 I was like, Oh man. I was like, I knew something was up with that dude. That's what I'm saying.

00:05:07.340 You know, and what's funny about this is a lot of the times I think what we'll do, especially in

00:05:12.340 modern times is we'll shut that off that part of our brain off because we don't want to offend

00:05:19.040 somebody. Right. Because everybody's running around offended. Like, Oh, like, Oh, you hurt my feelings.

00:05:23.920 Oh, dude. I don't care if you're offended. I'm, if you look like a effing weirdo, I'm going to stare

00:05:30.560 you down and watch you. And if you're offended, that's your fricking problem for being a weirdo, 0.99

00:05:35.780 not my problem for being alert and aware of what's going on. So I'd rather run the risk of 0.90

00:05:40.960 offending somebody than putting myself or my family or the people I'm responsible for in danger.

00:05:46.360 Totally. Well, and if you think about that scenario, why would that guy be offended?

00:05:50.480 Like there's no reason for him to be offended. Hey, Ryan's staring at me weird because I'm

00:05:55.760 dressed weird. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. But like weird people don't know they're weird

00:06:00.880 too. Right. Fair enough. But, but there's, that's all created emotion is what I'm getting

00:06:06.900 at. You know, otherwise we had a logical look at the scenario and say, yeah, that makes sense.

00:06:11.160 I dress like a gangbanger and I'm talking. Yeah. But look, I mean, you know, the other side

00:06:15.960 of it, if you were rational about it, you wouldn't look like that.

00:06:20.480 Fair enough. Right. Like if you're like, yeah, I'm dressed like a weirdo and people are going to,

00:06:25.540 then you wouldn't dress like a weirdo because you're a little bit more self-aware. Right. So,

00:06:29.540 but there's also other people who dress like weirdos and they actually like the attention too.

00:06:34.400 Yeah. Yeah. And that's their, that's their forte. Yeah. Totally. That's going to be me when I'm an old

00:06:40.160 man. I'm going to just be weird. To me, it's like, you know, you see, I like that. I'm actually

00:06:45.020 going to retreat to the wilderness so nobody can find me. So if ever I disappear, you know,

00:06:50.020 where I went. Yeah. Ryan officially thought he was old. So he left. I'm old, man. My,

00:06:54.880 my son today, he said something like, um, how, what did he say? He said, I can't, he was talking

00:07:00.360 about somebody. He's like, yeah, he's super old. He's like 40. I'm like, Holy cow, dude. That's

00:07:03.820 like a year older than I am. Uh, what was I going to say? Uh, I can't remember. Yeah. Weirdos.

00:07:15.060 Weirdos and old people do it for attention. Oh, that the attention thing. This is, this reminds me 1.00

00:07:20.020 a lot of women sometimes. And they'll, they'll dress in these like scantily clad outfits. How dare 1.00

00:07:26.100 you stare at my chest? Like, I mean, let's be real. You're, you're popping your tits out. So

00:07:33.900 that will stare. Right. But then when you do, you get in trouble. It's like, come on now. I'm not

00:07:38.520 saying that women ask for abuse. All right, let's draw the line. But if you're putting your boobs 1.00

00:07:43.780 in a dude's face and he's like looking, I think that's probably kind of why you wanted to do it. 0.98

00:07:49.700 Yeah. Well, the, the translation from her perspective, it's, it's the wrong guy looking.

00:07:55.840 Yeah. Good point. Cause if James Bond was looking, she'd be like, bring it on. Good to go. Yeah. Good

00:08:01.820 to go. If you were looking, she'd be upset. If I was looking, she'd be all about it. Yeah. She's

00:08:07.420 like that creep. Oh, gross. Exactly. All right. Holy cow. We went. All right. Do we, we got our time 0.99

00:08:15.260 in there? Yeah. We got our 12 minutes of nonsense in the books. Guys answering questions today from

00:08:23.840 our exclusive brotherhood, which by the way, the conversations we're having in the iron council

00:08:28.300 are significantly more meaningful, deeper and relevant than the conversations you've heard

00:08:33.160 over the past 10 minutes. Totally. Where these questions are coming from today. Yeah. And if you

00:08:39.120 feel enlightened by what we've talked about, Hey, hold on tight. Cause we're going to get into some deep

00:08:43.320 stuff for you. All right. Let's get into it. All right. So like you said, questions coming

00:08:50.060 from the iron council, learn more, go to order of man.com slash iron council. First question

00:08:55.080 anonymous. We don't get these very often. We don't every so often we get an anonymous. It's

00:08:59.860 fair. It's understandable. Yep. I'm currently working through the hardships of aging and ill grandparents

00:09:06.580 who need a lot of extra help. This work should fall. There's a, it's funny how, as I read these

00:09:13.700 questions, like your Ryan has gotten in my head and I'm sure most guys listening, like they already know

00:09:19.720 like how the responses are going to be hung up on the word should, right? Totally. I'm like, should I'm

00:09:25.720 like, who says should? I heard that too. I'm like, keep going. All right. This work should fall to their

00:09:34.480 two children, my mother and uncle. However, the majority of the burden has been placed on me

00:09:39.000 because they have both all, but given up on the situation and their parents. I voiced my concern

00:09:44.580 regarding all of this to my mother and uncle and have been met with little effort on their parts to

00:09:50.260 change anything. I'm not in a financial position to do much more than physical help during the

00:09:55.620 little time that I have. What advice do either of you have for anyone in this position or a similar

00:10:01.940 one I'm making do, but I would gladly take all help I can get. Thanks gentlemen. Keep crushing it.

00:10:09.680 Yeah. So I actually, I wanted to be prepared for this discussion. I saw the questions and this is

00:10:14.640 one, this was a very intriguing question. Look, very simply, you just do what you can do and let the

00:10:22.260 chips fall where they may. I mean, you can't do any more, but one thing I would say is you probably

00:10:26.920 ought to consider communicating your expectation and the limits that you've established, whether

00:10:34.120 they're financial constraints, time constraints, whatever they might be, attention constraints,

00:10:38.720 communicate those to your grandparents, communicate those to aunts, uncles, parents,

00:10:44.180 whoever else is involved. And then I hate to say, but at some point you got to wash your hands a

00:10:49.840 little bit and say, okay, I'm going to go as far as I can go. What more can you do? And, and so the

00:10:57.040 fact that you're pulling the weight here, I commend you for doing what you're doing. Just go as hard as

00:11:02.540 you can go for as long as you can go within the boundaries. Don't allow yourself to be railroaded

00:11:06.760 or abused, but I would say, make sure you communicate what those constraints are because then you're

00:11:13.020 putting it on your parents or your aunts and uncles, whoever is involved. You're putting it on

00:11:17.380 their shoulders. That's what you want to do. You want to put it back onto them because if grandma and

00:11:23.560 grandpa don't get taken care of, it's no longer your fault. You communicated what needed to be taken

00:11:29.620 care of. And they didn't fill in the gaps that's on them, not on you. So what you don't want to do

00:11:37.020 is go as hard as long as you can, but never communicate to anybody and build up this contention

00:11:42.880 and animosity and resentment and, and then shoulder unnecessary burden and responsibility that frankly,

00:11:50.000 isn't yours. Look, I know it's a hardship. You've got a grant. Was it a grandma and a grandfather?

00:11:55.800 Is that grandparents grandparents? Yeah. I mean, look, I commend you. You're taking care of family.

00:12:02.600 You're doing what you can, but you're one, you're one person and you can only do so much. Uh, and

00:12:08.440 there might come a situation where they need to be put into some sort of a home. So they're taken

00:12:12.680 care of. I hate to say that. That's unfortunate, but that's the reality. Just communicate, go as hard

00:12:17.460 as you can. Uh, I was watching a movie not too long ago, the guardian with Kevin Costner. And,

00:12:24.360 and I think, uh, Ashton Kutcher is in it as well. And Ashton Kutcher says like, how do you know who

00:12:29.240 to save? And he says, you just go as hard as you can. And the first person you come to, you save

00:12:33.280 them. And then you go back out there as hard as you can, as long as you can, and you save them.

00:12:36.940 And the next person, the next person, and you go as long as you can. And then that's it. That's all

00:12:43.380 you can do. So tough, tough situation when other people won't get involved, just make sure you

00:12:49.180 communicate. Cause I think that will lift some of the burden that may come down the road when your

00:12:53.880 grandparents pass, uh, or when other people just aren't willing to step up and they may not be.

00:13:00.460 Yeah. Something that you mentioned on the Friday field notes was, um, what was the phrase,

00:13:06.180 you know, face the enemy, right. Or right. Yeah. Front, front toward enemy.

00:13:10.800 Front towards that for front towards enemy. And one of the examples you use is sometimes

00:13:16.560 we don't want to face the burden, right. We don't want to deal with it. You know, we don't want to

00:13:22.940 look at the bank account cause maybe it's negative. I don't want to look the bills because yeah. And we

00:13:28.160 kind of, there's a sense of ignorance that we kind of hold onto to avoid the uncomfortableness of like

00:13:33.180 dealing with something. And I'm wondering if there's a little bit of that's what's happening

00:13:37.480 with the mom and the uncle. Yeah. And, and maybe, maybe all that he needs to be doing is,

00:13:43.100 is sticking in the role of presiding here, which doesn't necessarily mean he has to do all the work

00:13:48.460 or even do all the financial wellbeing, but maybe he just needs to preside and say, Hey,

00:13:52.960 we need to take care of this. This is what I'm capable of doing from a time perspective and financial

00:13:58.520 perspective. This is what I will need you guys to do. And, you know, and, and kind of see if you can

00:14:04.200 enroll them in stepping up, but not necessarily take on the whole burden for yourself, but they

00:14:09.480 might just need someone to preside. You know, it's funny, as you were saying this, I was thinking

00:14:14.140 about my youngest, um, riding his, his bike. We got him a, uh, or Santa Claus, I should say,

00:14:21.180 got him a, uh, a bike. You better not listen to this podcast. Well, he's four. I think we'll be,

00:14:26.840 I think we'll be safe. Um, so, you know, he got a, he got a bike for Christmas with training wheels

00:14:33.200 and, and he, he won't ride the bike because he's so much more comfortable on, on the other little

00:14:41.680 bike that he scoots around that doesn't have pedals. Like he's comfortable on that one. Right.

00:14:46.000 And what's funny. And I even see this in my, my six-year-old, my seven-year-old daughter now is

00:14:51.780 she's fully capable of riding her bike without the training wheels, but she won't because she's 0.96

00:14:58.040 scared. But if one day I just took them off and I might just do this, actually, now that I'm talking

00:15:02.280 about it, she would be fine. She'd be fine. It's the training wheels that are keeping her back and

00:15:08.920 holding her back. And so, as you're saying this, what I'm thinking is maybe the fact that your folks

00:15:14.340 think that you're doing it all are their training wheels. And they're like, this is easy because

00:15:19.360 anonymous is doing it. Yeah. Right. And so if anonymous, if the training wheels aren't there

00:15:25.720 anymore, it's like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. We got to learn to ride a bike because the training wheels aren't on

00:15:29.080 anymore. And so I think there's a lot, especially with raising kids is sometimes we become their

00:15:35.580 worst enemy by trying to build the bubble around them. That doesn't allow them the experiences and

00:15:41.940 the opportunities to grow. And in a way, the experiences that force them into becoming adults

00:15:49.020 and having responsibility. And, and we might be bumping up against some of that as well. Hey,

00:15:53.820 you're, you're the superhero. Nobody else needs to come do anything. Cause you're doing it all.

00:15:56.860 I mean, why, why would they, what's, what's in it for them? You're doing it all. You got it.

00:16:02.080 So, yeah, that's a good point. All right. Good luck. Anonymous Jake Thompson. How do I figure out

00:16:09.720 the balance between being ambitious and patient? I have big goals that I want to accomplish and I

00:16:15.860 want to push myself there sooner, but at some point I might just be getting impatient on the other end.

00:16:22.440 I do want to make sure that I'm pushing myself. What was the word he used? Patience. And what,

00:16:27.900 what was the other word? Ambitious. Ambition. I'm just writing that down. Cause this is important.

00:16:33.700 So when I think of balance, well, anytime I hear that, I think of a teeter totter or a seesaw,

00:16:39.300 right? So it's, it's like one side or the other. I think about my, my big 12 year old getting on the

00:16:45.300 seesaw with my lighter, uh, nine-year-old and the 12 year old dogs, right on the ground. And then my,

00:16:54.700 my nine-year-old's just stuck in the air right here. And so I think about balance is, is trying

00:16:59.420 to find the equilibrium between both sides. Um, and so what, when you think about balance, you think

00:17:07.260 about opposite ends of the spectrum, right? So in this case, it would be patience on one side and

00:17:11.820 ambition on the other. And they're competing against each other. If one's high, one's low.

00:17:16.380 If one's low, the other one's high. And you're trying to balance those out. I actually don't

00:17:20.820 think patience and ambition are opposites. I don't think you need to balance them. I don't think

00:17:27.920 they're competing concepts because patience isn't passive. So what I think the better word choice

00:17:35.140 would be here is ambition versus passivity. Now that's an issue in patient and patient.

00:17:42.400 Yes. Those are issues, right? But being patient and having ambition are not at odds with each other.

00:17:49.300 Andy Frisilla actually talks about this quite a bit with MF CEO and now, um, real AF. I think the term

00:17:55.320 he uses aggressively patient. And if you think about it and have that little mindset switch for, for me,

00:18:03.100 I, I hope, and I strive to be aggressively patient, meaning that I'm going to let the chips fall where

00:18:10.620 they may, but I'm going to go out and do everything that I possibly can do to make success happen for

00:18:17.060 me. That's that ambition, right? But I'm not going to be discouraged because it doesn't happen on my

00:18:24.680 time schedule. I'm so faithful would be the right word choice that good results will come if I

00:18:34.100 continually do the work and I will be patient in experiencing the results, but I will be actively

00:18:41.600 engaged and ambitious in my pursuit of the result that I'm after. I've already, look, I already know

00:18:48.580 beyond a shadow of a doubt that the success and the results and the things that I'm after will happen.

00:18:53.420 Maybe not this month, maybe not this year might take 10 years, but I'm so vested in the process that I

00:19:01.060 can just allow those results to take care of themselves and not be so hyper concerned with, well, when

00:19:06.940 will I make this much money? And when will this, and when will that losing weight? How, when will I lose

00:19:11.300 10 pounds? Doesn't matter. Just go to the gym every day, be aggressive, be ambitious, go to the gym every

00:19:18.280 day and just have faith that if you do that work, the results that you desire will take care of

00:19:24.720 themselves. They're not at odds with each other. They're actually harmonious.

00:19:29.200 Yeah. That's interesting. I, it causes me to look at what is patience other than a lack of

00:19:35.760 understanding of how long something takes.

00:19:38.020 Well, you talk about it a lot, Kip, in the context of expectations, right? And that when

00:19:45.180 you're impatient, it's, doesn't that mean you have an expectation? Yes. Like if you're at the

00:19:51.120 doctor's office, cause I get really impatient at the doctor's office or the dentist's office. I'm

00:19:55.540 like, look, my time was at 10 o'clock. It's now 1030. I'm going to send you an invoice for my half an

00:19:59.560 hour that you wasted my time. Cause that's actually what's happening. That's impatient. Why? Because I had

00:20:04.960 an expectation. Now, I don't think that's an unrealistic expectation by the way, cause we

00:20:09.260 agreed upon that. Yeah. But if you're making up expectations in your mind and this comes into the

00:20:15.780 term, the terms escaping me right now, it's a covert contracts. Yep. Right. We're like, Kip,

00:20:23.160 I have an expectation. Hey, Kip, let's podcast on Tuesday morning at some time. And I jump on it at

00:20:30.360 11 o'clock and you don't show up till 1130. I'm like, what the hell man? You're late. Well,

00:20:34.720 you're like, you just said sometime in the morning. Well, 1130 is still the morning.

00:20:39.160 Yeah. So you're not unjustified. I get impatient because I had 11 o'clock in my mind, but I failed

00:20:44.900 to communicate that with you. So it's, it's misinterpreted or miscommunicated expectations

00:20:51.140 that creates a lot of this impatience. Totally. Well, and then the meaning we create when that

00:20:57.440 expectation doesn't get met, right? So I set an unrealistic expectation. The timeline doesn't

00:21:03.300 happen. And then we, and then some people will go, say it doesn't work. Right. And, and we'll make

00:21:10.120 our, we are so tied to our expectation being correct more than the ambition that we're willing

00:21:18.300 to throw out what we're working towards because that expectation didn't get met versus, well,

00:21:23.600 actually maybe my expectation was wrong. Maybe it actually takes longer. Maybe I should have thought

00:21:28.360 of it that way. Right. And, and dealing in reality versus making the situation wrong when our, when

00:21:33.940 those, when those expectations aren't met. Or one thing we do a lot too, is we take things personal.

00:21:42.080 Yeah. Right. Like, Oh, how come he didn't get back with me? He must hate me or he must not like me.

00:21:47.620 Or alternatively he's busy or just didn't see your, your phone call or your text or whatever. Right.

00:21:52.960 Yeah. So we start to interpret these expectations. I failed to communicate it with other party. And

00:21:59.520 then I jumped to my own conclusions and they're usually not accurate and they're usually way worse

00:22:04.920 than they actually are in reality. Yeah. So communication is a big, a big, big deal here.

00:22:10.800 Well, and, and, and I think this probably is not as applicable to you, Ryan, but I, I would probably

00:22:15.400 argue most say the, the communication is the bigger, bigger issue of communication is the

00:22:22.940 communication with themselves when they don't meet that expectation. And then the story is,

00:22:28.240 I knew I couldn't do it. I'll never be able to do it. I always screw up. I'm just too lazy or I'm not

00:22:36.320 capable or, you know, it's some internalized dialogue that is just so damaging for most of us.

00:22:42.460 And, and I think that's why most people give up as well. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. All right. We,

00:22:49.020 we went all over ambition. It's what we do here. All right. Steiner, uh, wad up wad oops. Sorry.

00:22:58.540 In a recent podcast, you advice. Did you listen to my podcast? My, my ask me last week. I was like,

00:23:05.380 the reason I brought you on is so you could put your names, not me. I enjoy it so much. Actually. I was like,

00:23:11.780 ah, yes. Someone else gets destroyed. Just have normal names guys. Please says,

00:23:18.820 Ryan. Expectation. Yeah. Go anonymous or make up another name. That's easy. John Smith.

00:23:27.440 Proceed in a recent podcast. You see how I noticed I just skipped the name this time in a recent podcast.

00:23:33.500 You advise that we as men put our houses in order between now and the election. I'm doing that.

00:23:39.960 And I'm trying to lead others to do the same. Ryan, do you think this civil unrest will lead to a

00:23:44.680 second coming? I don't want to be the guy that is constantly fixed on that subject, but it keeps

00:23:49.860 crossing my mind and, and everyone that's giggling a little bit like I just did. Most of you have

00:23:55.700 already thought this at one point. So like, don't, don't pretend that it doesn't cross your mind from

00:24:00.760 time to time. I mean, at least when there's civil unrest, I'm immediately like, I wouldn't say most

00:24:05.900 people. I mean, there's people who are atheists who probably wouldn't say that. Right. Look. So

00:24:11.300 again, I scrolled, I perused these questions prior to our conversation. I don't know. I don't

00:24:19.140 know. You don't know. Kip, you don't know. Nobody knows. So here's the thought. This is my secular

00:24:25.940 thought. Just do the right thing. And then it doesn't matter. It's the, seriously, that's the

00:24:35.060 answer. Just do the right thing. And then it doesn't matter if it's the second coming or the

00:24:42.500 apocalypse or not, or just do the right thing and you'll be in a good position. So I think I feel

00:24:50.540 sometimes like I'm religious, I'm spiritual. You know that we talk about that periodically on the

00:24:55.120 podcast, but also I feel like I'm a pretty reasonable guy and I don't need to rely so

00:25:03.520 heavily on faith that it's like, well, we have to do this because the second coming, no, you have to

00:25:09.400 do this because if it's the second coming, it'd be good to be prepared. And if it's not, it's still

00:25:13.480 good to be prepared. Yeah, totally. And that's the beauty of doing the right thing. So in that

00:25:19.940 podcast, these referring to, you know, I had a bunch of guys say, cause I was talking about

00:25:24.820 how it, when Trump wins the election. And by the way, guys, when I say that, when Trump wins the

00:25:31.420 election, listen to the words I'm using. All right. It's not meant to be a partisan thing. Like

00:25:39.980 it's, that's what I think will happen. Yeah. It's just my, my, uh, yeah, I'm trying to convince you.

00:25:47.220 Yeah. But people feel confident that that's probably what's going to happen. Yeah. So I think

00:25:51.200 this is what's going to happen. And I think as a result, we're going to see increasing civil unrest

00:25:55.480 and people are like, well, Oh yeah, that's not going to happen. You're wrong. Okay. So let's

00:26:00.860 assume I'm wrong, which actually, by the way, if there's no civil unrest, that would be a good thing.

00:26:06.300 I'd be okay with that. So let's assume I'm wrong. Let's assume I missed everything. Are you telling me

00:26:11.400 you're going to be in a worse position? Cause you have more food storage. Are you telling me that

00:26:15.800 you're going to be in a worse position because you heeded my advice and I was wrong. And now you're

00:26:20.000 more fit or now you are making more money or now your debts paid off. You're telling me you're in

00:26:27.320 a worse position. See, that's the beauty of the predictions I make is whether I'm right or wrong.

00:26:32.960 You're better off. If I'm right about the undermining and demise of masculinity,

00:26:39.580 but I'm telling you to be more of a man and I'm showing you ways to do it. You're better off.

00:26:44.340 Even if I'm wrong about my predictions. So when I make predictions, it's not to be some sort of like

00:26:54.100 all knowing prognosticator, right? Who, who, who can predict everything that's going on. It's just

00:26:58.980 get yourself in a better boat. And if worst case scenario happens, cool. You're taken care of.

00:27:05.340 If the best case scenario happens, cool. You have more opportunities to capitalize and maximize those

00:27:10.740 opportunities that will present themselves. Totally. Well, I mean, think of all the things,

00:27:15.360 Ryan, that having your house in order would allow you to deal with that might potentially show up

00:27:21.380 despite election. Yeah. Your, your parents die. If your house is order, you're going to be able to

00:27:27.760 give proper attention to that and dealing with that scenario substantially better. If you have these

00:27:32.980 things taken care of, if your marriage is on great terms with your spouse, and then you have a

00:27:38.240 wayward teenage child, guess what? You're going to be in a better, better position. But if your

00:27:43.360 marriage is shaky, that also happens and the parents die, you're in a world of hurt, right?

00:27:48.920 The cards are going to come tumbling down. So this just allows us to be effective period or regardless

00:27:54.240 of what the world brings at us. And, or I like to even think Brian is like, what burdens or things

00:28:00.220 we take on, right? Like I, you can take on this podcast and make this movement part of who you

00:28:06.440 are and, and, and drive towards an effectiveness of what this organization does. Why? Because your

00:28:13.640 life, your life is in order, right? But if it wasn't, you want to be worried about this stuff. You

00:28:19.940 would be stressed out about trying to repair your marriage with your wife and, or making them

00:28:23.860 or whatever. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, it allows us to be more effective and fulfilled in life.

00:28:30.220 So what's funny is, and I think there was a comment. I'm not sure if it was here in the

00:28:33.500 Facebook group. Cause somebody had made a question just jokingly about how people believe that this

00:28:38.180 is a cult and it's funny. I think it's funny, but I think about a cult, like I'm not encouraging you

00:28:47.340 to do anything. So here's what'd be cultish for me to say. The second coming is upon us. Therefore,

00:28:54.840 sell everything that you have, give it all to me and do things that are at odds with your own

00:29:02.760 health and safety and wellbeing. Guys, I'm not encouraging you to do that. I'm telling you shit's

00:29:09.840 going to hit the fan. I believe it will. And so don't give your money to me. Don't sacrifice on the 1.00

00:29:16.060 altar of this quote unquote cult. Get your shit in order, get some food storage, get some training, 1.00

00:29:23.300 make yourself strong, make yourself capable, stash away some money, get out of debt, build up the 0.99

00:29:29.540 relationships in your community, know your environment, have some training to back up so

00:29:33.980 you can protect yourself and the loved ones. That has nothing to do with me. And by the way,

00:29:39.820 if I'm absolutely wrong and I could be, then congratulations, I was wrong. And you're a

00:29:47.480 better man because I was wrong. What's the downside? There's no doubt. There's only positive

00:29:54.600 benefit from this. So to answer the question, to circle back, I don't know. I don't know. And

00:30:00.800 regardless, I think the answer is still the same. The path is the same, whether it's the second coming

00:30:06.920 or whether it's not at all. Yeah. And if you guys plan on getting guns, you're too late.

00:30:15.140 Just to clarify. It might be hard to pick up some firearms and ammunition.

00:30:21.040 Well, I had a lot of people say that in that post I made. It's like, well, if you're just preparing

00:30:24.440 now, then you're too late. Well, maybe you won't be adequate to what you could have done had you

00:30:30.420 started two years ago, but you're never too late to start putting yourself into a better position.

00:30:35.180 Yeah. I'm just mostly joking. Cause I, I try to get that P3 65 and it's like, it's impossible. 1.00

00:30:43.660 It's not existent in this world. So it's frustrating. Yeah. All right. James Sherman. I'm a single

00:30:50.960 father, a two-year-old girl. Her mother was abusive to me and her. So she is out of our lives for good

00:30:58.260 as it stands for now. I'm struggling with fulfilling my role successfully as a father,

00:31:02.860 let alone fulfilling the role of both father and mother. See you you're in my head. I you're in

00:31:08.740 my head, right? I live with my dad and my step-mom, my mom, uh, my step-mom criticizes my parenting

00:31:16.100 every, every turn. And when I pick up my daughter from my mom, my step-dad does the same thing,

00:31:22.340 criticizing my parenting. Neither of neither offer realistic solutions with a certain, uh,

00:31:28.140 criticism. And I've been as tactical, tactful as possible when telling them, I don't appreciate

00:31:34.220 the critics with no responsible or reasonable solutions. Both step-parents are especially

00:31:39.420 sensitive and I don't want to push my luck and get kicked out or lose daycare. How would you handle

00:31:45.260 raising a little girl, a man, basically on your own while trying to walk in eggshells around the

00:31:49.900 people helping you stay off the streets? Whoa. All right. And my apologies for reading that. I was,

00:31:57.800 you know, beating that up a little bit. I read this question and one word came to mind. I'm not

00:32:01.560 going to say it just yet, but you said I'm in your head. So what were you specifically referring to?

00:32:09.840 Well, there's a bunch of things. One that he thinks his job is to fulfill the role of father and

00:32:17.180 mother. Um, so that's one, you're not, you're not a mother. You're dead. Even if you're, even if

00:32:22.920 your, your wife is not around, you're not a mother. Okay. Proceed. Yep. Agreed. Second 0.98

00:32:28.400 criticisms from mom and dad, when you're living with them, it's like suck it up or move out,

00:32:34.740 right? Like it's their home. No, no, no. Well, simple, not easy. Yeah. All right. I'm on fully on

00:32:41.200 board with that Kip. You and I are on the same wavelength for this. You're not a mom, you're a dad.

00:32:46.060 Yeah. So you'll never be your child. Was it a daughter or son? I didn't, I don't know if I

00:32:50.260 daughter. Okay. You're never going to be your daughter's mother. Never. So at some point there 0.93

00:32:56.860 may be another woman to come into your life. By the way, please make it a good woman, right? Don't 1.00

00:33:01.280 be a dickhead and marry the first chick that comes along who spreads her legs and you think you love 1.00

00:33:08.060 her. Don't be that because it's more important for your daughter to find a good, wholesome woman 1.00

00:33:14.180 to illustrate and, and be an example of what a, a good woman looks like and how she shows up and how 0.99

00:33:23.460 she conducts herself. So don't, don't do that. It's going to be tempting. I get it. Especially

00:33:29.160 because you're young. You sound like you're young based on your circumstances. It's going to be

00:33:32.620 tempting to do that. And also it's going to be tempting to do that because you probably, and I

00:33:37.180 think this is a noble thought. So you want a woman in your daughter's life. Don't make the wrong choice 0.85

00:33:44.980 there. Be smart. It's better to wait and have the right woman come in to your life and your daughter's 1.00

00:33:50.860 life than have the wrong one because you're rushing to get a woman into her life. It's not a good, 0.53

00:33:55.400 it's a recipe for disaster. Okay. Got that. This is why I wrote the book sovereignty.

00:34:01.800 You have relinquished your sovereignty by definition. Hey, if I say anything and it might,

00:34:11.360 you know, I'm walking on eggshells and if I say anything wrong and I say the wrong thing or offend

00:34:15.040 them or whatever, then they might kick me out. Yeah. That's the cost of living with them.

00:34:23.020 You don't like it. Get yourself in a better situation. Not saying it's going to happen this

00:34:28.180 week, but why shouldn't that happen in the next six to 12 months and bite your tongue for the next

00:34:34.760 six to 12 months? Because you're in no position to make any sort of orders or demands or even

00:34:41.720 potentially rock the boat because you created this situation for yourself. No, Ryan, no, you don't know.

00:34:48.680 It was my wife and it was my, no, it was you. Yeah. You created this situation. And if you don't like

00:34:56.900 it, good news, you created it. You surely can create a path out of it. You were at the mercy

00:35:04.820 of your parents because you put yourself in that situation, chalk it up to a learning experience

00:35:11.960 and figure out a way to develop new skills, to pick up a side job, to pick up some hobbies that

00:35:18.860 might pay you additional income, to find some, a new sitter who's closer to you. There's all kinds

00:35:25.620 of things that you can do here. If you have your eye on the prize, which is to get out from under

00:35:31.380 your parents' control. You are being emotionally, and in this case, physically controlled by your

00:35:39.120 parents because you're allowing yourself to be there. And the story you're telling yourself is,

00:35:44.700 well, it's free daycare. Well, isn't that convenient? Free daycare at what cost? You're talking

00:35:52.480 about it right now. That you're not feeling like the man that you could be. That's the cost. You

00:35:59.060 feel inferior and you feel inadequate. And maybe even you got a little bit of a, like, hey, I feel

00:36:05.460 kind of like a, like a loser right now. That's the cost of living with your parents and having free

00:36:11.500 daycare. So work a plan. You're in the iron council, make a battle plan, get on a battle team,

00:36:19.240 communicate with your battle team members, go a hundred percent every day on your battle plan

00:36:24.620 tactics. And in the next six months or three months, cause that's how we plan our battle plans

00:36:29.220 by the end of the year, save up some money for deposit on an apartment. Hey, there's nothing to

00:36:34.820 say. You can't still bring them to your folks' place, but now you live in an apartment. Now you

00:36:40.140 and your daughter have some sovereignty. Now you have some control and you keep developing and

00:36:46.020 building plans that aren't at the mercy of what other people are saying and doing.

00:36:50.860 You free yourself from those shackles. It's a beautiful thing. It's not easy, but this is the

00:36:57.140 path that you need to take. Read the book sovereignty and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

00:37:02.080 This scenario is why I wrote that book. I was just going to say, just to provide clarity and,

00:37:09.480 and correct me if I'm wrong, but you've got yourself in this position. And, and the reason

00:37:15.800 why that's super critical to realize is if you don't even take responsibility for the woman that

00:37:22.440 you married, that was abusive to you and your daughter, if you don't own that, you're not going

00:37:28.820 to learn your lesson of, from that relationship. So even take that on, figure out where you went wrong,

00:37:37.940 marrying the wrong woman. What kind of man did you show up in the marriage that made her think it

00:37:43.500 was okay to abuse you? Right? Make those adjustments now, learn from that marriage. So 0.73

00:37:50.360 then that way, when you go look for that other woman, you are the right man. You're not finding

00:37:56.660 the right woman. You need to be the right man first. And the only way you're going to do that is figure 0.99

00:38:00.880 out where you went wrong in that marriage as well. And by the way, you're dead on with that. And by the

00:38:06.780 way, two things can exist simultaneously. You could have made a poor choice and not been the type of

00:38:13.240 man that you're trying to be now, by the way, which I commend, right? That's why you're in the

00:38:16.820 council. That's why you're asking these questions. So this isn't like beat on you session. Yeah.

00:38:22.020 Sorry. No, no, I, I may have come across the same way. I'm just saying you're, you're trying to

00:38:27.540 improve yourself. You wouldn't have asked the question if you weren't. So I commend you for that,

00:38:30.700 but two things can exist simultaneously. You could have been lacking in your department.

00:38:37.080 And also she could be abusive. See, just because you take responsibility, it does not absolve her

00:38:42.900 of her actions or the consequences of her actions. So please don't misunderstand me and say, and say,

00:38:49.160 well, if you were just a better man, then she, no, no, no, no. It's not what I'm saying. And I don't

00:38:53.880 think that's what you're saying. People still have their own choices that they make positive and

00:38:59.180 negative. And just because you decide to take responsibility for every facet of your life

00:39:03.680 doesn't mean they don't have any consequences to their actions. She could still have been abusive. 0.87

00:39:10.340 And so you taking responsibility isn't to, to like save her reputation or her wellbeing.

00:39:17.040 It's to say, I'm going to do it for me. So that to your point, Kip, the next time a woman comes into my 0.99

00:39:23.480 life, I'm going to be the best man possible, man. I had the exact same thoughts when I was in my

00:39:28.860 separation with my wife. I was on Riverside drive and river road. And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

00:39:34.560 I was like, you know what? This is marriage is over. And vividly, like it was yesterday. I remember

00:39:40.340 saying to myself in my mind, I'm going to be the best catch for the next woman to come into my life. 1.00

00:39:47.680 And that was the turning point for me. And I stopped focusing on my wife, my separated wife at the

00:39:53.140 time. And I started focusing on me and taking responsibility for my shortcomings and my

00:39:59.720 inadequacies and where I was falling short. And by the way, as I did that, I had more credibility to

00:40:05.980 talk with her about her shortcomings. Cause I couldn't do it before. Cause I was in the pit with

00:40:12.420 her. Yeah. You know, how could I talk to her about getting out of the pit when I was in the pit with

00:40:17.600 her? I had to pull myself out of the pit and say, Hey, look, I was down there with you. And here's

00:40:24.580 the things I did. One, two, three, four, five. And I want to help you do those things so you can get

00:40:30.060 yourself out too. And that's what we did together. But it took me rising above it and taking care of

00:40:36.860 myself. So I had the vantage point to be able to communicate in a tactful, respectful, loving way

00:40:43.500 that she had her own things that she needed to work on too. Not a finger pointing, like you need

00:40:48.760 to do this and this and this. No, it wasn't like that. I want you to have what I have now. And that

00:40:54.660 was a short turnaround, by the way, guys, like some of you think, Oh, this is going to take years.

00:40:59.420 This took 60 days. If that 60 days, man, I remember sitting on that intersection thinking that I'm

00:41:09.040 like, all right, I'm going to get my fitness in check. I'm going to get my business on track.

00:41:12.920 I'm going to find hobbies. I'm going to find friends. 60 days. She calls me up. I'm in Salt

00:41:18.760 Lake, which is about four hours North of where I was living at the time. She calls me up. I was at

00:41:23.340 a training in Salt Lake for my business. And she said, Hey, you know what? I remember I was walking

00:41:28.480 around in the mall with a friend of mine. She says, I want to come back home. 60 days. That's all I'm

00:41:35.280 asking of you guys. Like pour everything into your life for 60 to 90 days into yourself, I should say,

00:41:41.480 and see what kind of result that produces. You will be blown away with what your life will look

00:41:46.800 like in 90 days, 60 days, very, very quickly. This isn't going to take years. It's going to take a

00:41:52.880 very short period of time. Yeah. James, I'm always motivated by the stick. And so, and Ryan, you

00:41:59.740 alluded to some of the things, what's at stake, right? And I would just like to add to that just

00:42:04.320 briefly is you're also setting the precedence of your daughter, uh, and her, or what a man

00:42:11.700 is. Yeah. And, and that, that, and what her future relationship will look like exactly.

00:42:19.560 And how she deals with adversity and her parents or your parents for that matter. Right. And those

00:42:26.020 kinds of situations. So just kind of keep that in mind. You know, what, what kind of example are we

00:42:29.460 setting? Yeah. All right. Rex Huston, uh, I want to improve. This is really interesting question. I

00:42:39.100 liked it. Uh, Rex Huston, I want to improve upon both gift giving and receiving. Do you have any

00:42:45.420 tips on listening to gift ideas, presenting gifts and at the other end of the spectrum, receiving

00:42:51.380 them? This is by far my worst love language. And it brings a sense of dread to me for Christmas

00:42:57.380 and birthdays. That shouldn't be there. I default to you Kip on this, because as I read this question,

00:43:05.240 really? Yeah. Yeah. As I, you're like, I would have skipped this question. No, no, no. I wouldn't

00:43:09.180 have skipped it at all. It's a good question. In fact, it's the question I have too. That's what

00:43:14.080 I'm saying is when, look, when birthdays and Valentines and all these little stupid holidays come 1.00

00:43:20.500 up and like, dang, I need to buy a gift for some, like, it seems so stupid to me. I have to buy 0.99

00:43:27.360 this for you to tell you, I love you on this special day that somebody else or culture is

00:43:32.540 forcing me to do this for you. This seems so just fabricated and I hate it. I hate it.

00:43:41.400 Honestly, I hate it. So receiving as well, or just giving, um, I'm not, I'm not a big receiver

00:43:48.020 either. Cause if I want it, I'll just go buy it. Yeah. It's like, if I want Trish says I'm the

00:43:52.680 hardest person to shop for. And I'm like, why? She's like, cause if you want something,

00:43:55.540 you just go get it. And that's exactly right. Like if I want something, I get it. So I'm

00:43:59.360 like, I want that. I'm not going to wait. Why would I wait 60 days for my birthday or

00:44:03.120 whatever, or Christmas? Like I want to know I don't want it in 60 days. So go get it.

00:44:08.640 Um, but yeah, I don't like giving gifts. I hate giving gifts. I'm not a, I'm not a thoughtful

00:44:12.300 gift giver. Yeah. Yeah. The only, the only advice that I have is be logical and, and have

00:44:19.340 some strategy to it. So if it doesn't come natural, right. Where you're like, Oh, I love

00:44:23.780 giving gifts. Like my wife is, this is her thing. Like she loves buying things for people. 0.91

00:44:29.000 Um, and if, and for me it's, it's not, I don't enjoy it either. But if I take it logically

00:44:34.740 and say, okay, well logically, what is meaningful? If I give a gift, it's specific and not generic.

00:44:42.120 It's not a gift card. And, you know, and so I look at this, the situation, um, and I just

00:44:48.140 approach it from a logical perspective, remove the emotion, which is silly, right? Because that's

00:44:55.260 why most people do it is because it's an emotional way of expressing feelings, but I just go logical

00:45:01.140 with it instead. Um, what I find is interesting about Rex's question is actually the receiving.

00:45:07.040 So I struggle with receiving gifts. I don't bear. And if you don't mind me adding to Rex question,

00:45:13.520 I think this is the same way that some people feel about receiving compliments.

00:45:18.060 Oh, definitely. And this is a, and I think this is actually a really problem. And I think we

00:45:23.740 rob ourselves and we rob the person giving the compliment by not truly receiving it.

00:45:31.920 And so, because here's what I think when, let's say you gave me a gift intent and, and I said,

00:45:40.900 Oh, Kip, Oh yeah. Oh, you shouldn't have done this. Oh man. I didn't deserve this.

00:45:45.600 Let me interpret that for you. Screw you. Your gift sucks. And it's not good enough for me. 1.00

00:45:51.620 That's what you're saying. Now I know that's not what you mean,

00:45:54.620 but that's what's being communicated. Yeah. Receiving gifts is easy. It's so easy. I don't

00:46:02.100 know why people get hung up on this. Just say, thank you. That's it. If somebody says, Hey Ryan,

00:46:10.180 you're looking really fit this right now. Oh no. It doesn't matter how you feel. Cause it's not

00:46:17.160 about you. Just say, thank you, man. I really appreciate you noticing. That's it. That's all

00:46:23.160 you need to say. It's super easy. Even if you're feel like you don't want to say that, that's all

00:46:27.680 you need to say. I've never had an issue with receiving. It's like, just say, thank you. Yeah.

00:46:31.720 Thank you. That, that was thoughtful. Thank you for noticing. I have been working out lately,

00:46:36.500 so I appreciate that. You know, thank you for this thoughtful gift. That's man. Just the fact

00:46:41.480 that you were thinking about me means a lot. Don't make it more than it is. Like just say,

00:46:46.920 thank you. That's all it is. Thank you. That person's thinking of you. That's it. That's a

00:46:50.960 nice thing. Don't you want them to do that? Yeah, of course. Yeah. I will give one strategy

00:46:57.440 Kip on, um, on the giving gifts as a non gift giver that I am sandbag Rex sandbag.

00:47:07.620 Okay. So give you an example. This was maybe a month and a half ago or so. Um, I was driving

00:47:15.880 down the road. I was listening to Matt Walsh and I didn't know Matt Walsh was a beekeeper

00:47:19.760 or he likes bees or has an affinity with bees, something. And he suggested this book when my

00:47:23.940 wife was getting into beekeeping. So I was like, Oh, that's, that's interesting. So I just jumped

00:47:28.220 on Amazon. I bought the book. Now I gave it to her immediately, but I very easily could have

00:47:32.300 sandbagged that for her birthday. Yeah. And that's all I'm saying is like, when you come across things

00:47:38.680 that, you know, she's like, Hey, you know, I, I don't know. I really, I saw this shirt that I

00:47:45.400 really liked. I just hurry and go buy it and then I can sandbag it. Totally. Totally. Or just wish or

00:47:51.560 wishlist that crap on Amazon. Yeah. I, I have a wishlist just for Asia for those little moments 1.00

00:47:57.680 where she's like, Oh, I really liked that. And I'm like, grab my phone. I'm like, exactly. I don't

00:48:02.240 have a wishlist, but I have a notepad on my phone with Trisha gift ideas. Totally. So that's a very

00:48:08.600 practical exercise that might save you come Valentine's day or any of these fake, I call them

00:48:15.940 fake holidays, fake holidays. That's funny. All right. Uh, Rob may it, I recently heard an idea

00:48:24.920 that if I were to sum it up, it would be goals are not enough. If you want to fully transform

00:48:31.620 ourselves, we need to change our lifestyles to a mindset of total victory. Goals are something to

00:48:37.640 transcend and eventually no longer worry about. Do you agree with this? If so, and a mindset of total

00:48:44.680 victory is, is the end state, how does one who has moved beyond goals, safeguard against backsliding

00:48:50.520 and going from an unconscious competence to high to the unconscious incompetence low?

00:48:58.320 I didn't really catch that last part, but, but I'll say this, um, or I caught it. I understood.

00:49:02.740 I just couldn't wrap my head around it necessarily, but, um, total victory. No, I don't think that's

00:49:08.900 right. I mean, if I'm going to do something, I want to be the best at it. Maybe that's what you're

00:49:12.780 saying. Like, if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it right. Like, that's what I want to do.

00:49:16.560 If I'm going to make a hat, I'm going to make the best hat. If I'm going to be sure, if I'm going to

00:49:19.000 do a podcast, if I'm going to interview somebody, like it's going to be the best, if I'm committed

00:49:22.800 to doing it, I'm not going to go half-ass into the thing. Yeah. Now that said, I think the superior

00:49:28.560 strategy is focus so heavily on the process, find joy in the process because most people will quit

00:49:38.240 because of the process, because the process. And there's so, I want to dominate everybody and

00:49:44.920 everything. And I want to win. And then you don't, and you're like, damn, I suck at this.

00:49:48.680 And then you beat yourself up at this. Okay. Jiu-jitsu is like that. I was just thinking the 1.00

00:49:54.300 same thing. I'm like, uh, podcasting is like that. Working out is like that. Your financial endeavors,

00:50:00.840 business relationships. What does that even mean? I want to dominate everything and everybody

00:50:06.200 that's ever in existence. I want to be the best. You're not. There's always going to be somebody

00:50:10.840 bigger, stronger, faster, better, smarter, sexier, better looking than you. There always is.

00:50:17.000 So I actually pride myself. And this is one of the phrases that runs in my mind. I don't talk about

00:50:23.600 these things a lot, but I have phrases that like continually run through my mind. I take pride in

00:50:28.620 being robotic about the process of the things that I'm committed to. Like I take pride in being

00:50:37.720 robotic and predictable. Like systematic. Yes. I take pride in that with a podcast last night. I didn't

00:50:46.660 want to go to Jiu-Jitsu and not to my surprise, it was a rough night, but I didn't take pride in

00:50:53.800 that. I took pride in that. I went and I did it. And the win was not in me submitting somebody or

00:51:01.400 feeling good. The win was, I did it. Check it off the list. Wasn't as good as it could have been.

00:51:08.820 That's okay. Sometimes it isn't, but I went and I noticed that last night's class was significantly

00:51:15.440 smaller than the previous class. And I beat all of those people who didn't come, whether they had a

00:51:22.240 valid reason for coming or not, I beat them because they didn't even show up. And it's not

00:51:27.540 about competition against other people, but the phrase, the thought, those types of thoughts,

00:51:31.840 they helped me because I can't be beat. I can't be beat. One of the phrases I like in the new,

00:51:38.860 the new A-team, the new movie, it's probably five years old now at this point, but Hannibal says,

00:51:44.980 you know, the one with Rampage? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really liked that movie,

00:51:51.080 but Hannibal says something like, you know, if you, if you give me a day, you know, I'm, I'm,

00:51:56.020 I'm good and give me a week. I'm, I'm hard to beat, but you give me, you know, a year and I'm

00:52:01.160 unstoppable. I'm like, that's me. Like, I'm not the most talented. I'm not the most well-connected or

00:52:08.460 the wealthiest, but you know what? I will beat you over a decade and I will beat you down and I

00:52:14.180 will grind you into the ground. And you'll wonder how this mediocre guy, myself is able to run 1.00

00:52:20.600 circles around you because I'm still going when you gave up like five years ago. Yeah. Mental

00:52:26.700 fortitude. That's it. I love it. I, I can't help. I don't know why. Maybe you can provide insight.

00:52:34.660 I I'm on this integrity kick thing. Like I'm not joking. I have like pages, uh, that's around

00:52:41.080 integrity. And I, I'm, I don't know. We'll have to talk about it at some point. But when I hear

00:52:46.740 we need to change our lifestyle to have a mindset of total victory, that's integrity.

00:52:54.340 Total victory is well in my, at least for me, total victory is waking up when I said I was going to wake

00:53:00.980 up. Hmm. Succeeding at work. When I said I was going to do it, going to jujitsu. When I said I

00:53:06.260 would go right, like me keeping to my commitments, to my self honor, my word to the other individuals

00:53:12.820 and being ambitious, that's total victory. And that is going to have failures or whatever, but

00:53:18.220 I am whole and complete and congruent with who I am being as a person.

00:53:24.340 And, and I think when you're that way, that's also a way where we can die peacefully because

00:53:34.480 we feel complete about how we showed up and we didn't like shrink out of fear or hopelessness

00:53:41.600 or something else. I didn't read it like that, but that makes a ton of sense. It's like not

00:53:47.060 total dominance in that one aspect of your life, but complete and 100% dominance in all aspects

00:53:53.100 of your life. Yeah. And I'm not sure if that's what Rob's saying, but that, no, I didn't read

00:53:57.300 it like that, but that resonates for me. Yeah. It's a good perspective. I like it. You know,

00:54:03.760 I wanted to go back to on the other thing I was saying, I was thinking about jujitsu actually this

00:54:06.780 morning and like, just keep yourself in the game guys. Like just, just keep yourself in the game.

00:54:14.120 So this morning I was rolling with my friend Brody Cousineau and he almost had me in a triangle,

00:54:20.780 but he didn't quite have it, but he had like some weird hold on my lapel. And I didn't like,

00:54:26.660 it wasn't like a conventional like choke, right? It was an arm in triangle. So he had a deep wrap.

00:54:33.080 Yeah. My arm was in and my head was here. So he had this leg wrapped around, but with his left arm,

00:54:39.780 he had my lapel and he was like pulling on it while he was pushing on this side of my neck,

00:54:43.820 like super unconventional. Yeah. Yeah. And, and I was like, I don't really, like I couldn't get out

00:54:50.600 of it, but it was like 90 ish percent like could have submitted me. And I'm like, huh? I'm like,

00:54:57.760 I'm not going to like, I'm not going to tap to this. Like I'm not tapping to this. I don't even

00:55:01.880 know what this is. Like I can still get a little air, you know, or a little blood rather. Like I'm

00:55:05.960 still here. I'm still here. I'm still with it. Yeah. And I was like, I'm not, I'm not doing this.

00:55:11.640 I'm not quitting. And he stopped like three seconds probably or less before I would have

00:55:16.700 tapped to it. He stopped. And I was able to pass his guard and got around him. And then I submitted

00:55:22.160 him. And I remember as I passed his guard in my mind, you know what my thought process was?

00:55:28.200 This is the phrase. Now it's my turn. Like you had your chance and you missed it. And now it's my turn.

00:55:38.340 And I took my turn and I, you know, did what I needed to do. That's life. Yeah. You know,

00:55:45.880 sometimes life is just going to kick you in the balls as hard as it can. And as long as you don't 0.96

00:55:50.920 go down and as long as you don't submit, just grit and bear it. And then when you recover and you

00:55:59.760 will, then you get to say to life, now it's my turn. And we're doing this on my terms now.

00:56:05.640 And man, I just, I love that. And so afterwards, anyways, Brody and I were,

00:56:10.440 we're talking afterwards. Cause we do those little ARs like, Oh, what were you doing here? 1.00

00:56:14.180 How'd you do this? And he's like, he's like, yeah, man, I just, he's like, I felt like I had

00:56:19.260 you, but it just, I, I, my thought, and this was him talking. He's like, I just didn't think it was

00:56:23.400 working as a right, because I didn't show you that it was working. I didn't go like yell or like

00:56:31.720 scream out in agony. I just very stoically said, I can handle this. I can handle this. And he let

00:56:36.700 go not because he was tired, but just because he didn't think it was working. And then I got to have

00:56:42.080 my turn. Totally. Like we're all going to have those down points in our lives. Just think, get

00:56:47.400 through this, get through this. And when you come out of COVID or your job loss or your divorce,

00:56:52.560 you get to say, now it's my turn. Now it's my upswing. Yeah. And I can't speak for him,

00:56:58.940 but most guys in that circumstance too. And I think this is insightful for like from a

00:57:03.700 psychological perspective is most guys try that triangle. Ryan doesn't tap and then they're

00:57:09.100 deflated. It didn't work. And then you blow by their guard and they're like, ah, and then they're

00:57:18.400 just like, and, and you can sense it. Like one of, one of the black belts I trained with, his name's

00:57:23.780 Jason South. And he talks about this all the time. He's like, first, I love to train until I can feel

00:57:29.500 their spirit break. And then I like to tap them. I love it, man. Sense it. And you know it, right?

00:57:36.940 Sometimes you roll with guys and all of a sudden you feel a give up in them. Do you feel them go,

00:57:42.600 ah, and then they give you whatever. Cause they, they gave up. And, and sometimes we try really hard.

00:57:49.900 We don't get it. And then we go shit, you know, and it breaks our spirit. 0.99

00:57:56.020 David Goggins talks about this a lot. When he talks about taking souls, same concept. 0.99

00:58:02.680 I want to take your soul. Like, I don't want to just beat you. I want to take your soul. I don't

00:58:07.840 want to just win at life. Like I want to dominate and take its soul. I don't talk about this a whole

00:58:13.020 lot, but this is, these are some of my mentalities of, and it served me well, you know, and other times

00:58:18.440 it's, look, honestly, other times it's created some frustration because I haven't been able to

00:58:23.080 dominate as well as I would have liked, but I'd rather lose that way than not giving it enough

00:58:28.500 or not having that drive. Yeah, totally. Love it. All right. Joseph Thomas, quick question. We

00:58:36.040 already know the answer to this one. Should you ever search for a woman or focus on being the best

00:58:41.560 version of yourself who can be and wait for the woman to come into your life? Actually, both are 0.91

00:58:47.500 wrong. It's a false dichotomy. Okay. So search for a woman. Okay. But the way you're saying it makes

00:58:54.600 it say that you're not working on yourself, right? Cause I'm going to search for a woman or you work 1.00

00:58:59.120 on yourself. Yeah. You can't do both. So both are wrong. It's a false dichotomy. You can put yourself

00:59:04.540 where attractive women are. You can search. You should, you should be in that environment. If you 1.00

00:59:09.720 want something, you got to have some proximity to the thing, right? Whether it's a woman or a job 0.99

00:59:14.520 opportunity or a friendship, you got to put yourself in that environment. And then also the

00:59:19.820 other one was what was the other work on yourself and let her come to you or something? Yeah. Yeah.

00:59:25.560 Let her come into your life. Yeah. That's passive. That's passivity. The first part's right. Work on

00:59:32.180 yourself, but then let her come into your life. No, no, that's passivity. That's the same thing that

00:59:37.580 people say when they were like, Oh, I just, I want to find my passion. No, man. Like you got to go out

00:59:43.760 and articulate it and develop it and create it. I didn't know order of man was going to be my passion

00:59:48.660 five years ago. It is now because I was willing to take one step. So you're, you're painting yourself

00:59:55.720 into a false dichotomy. I think the more accurate answer is make yourself the best possible man that

01:00:04.160 you can be while you're actively putting yourself in the environment of the things that you want.

01:00:08.960 In this case, an attractive, lovely woman. Not much more to say on that one.

01:00:17.100 Yeah, that's perfect. Rob's Rob had a question on that, that we kind of miss. And, and I think it

01:00:23.060 might be really insightful to the listeners. So Rob had the question around goals, not being enough

01:00:27.840 total victory. He did say, how does one move beyond goal setting and don't backslide, right? If they

01:00:36.940 move beyond goals as a safeguard. Now, sorry, safeguard or not, maybe that's a new point, but

01:00:43.360 maybe we address how does one accomplish goals and then prevent backsliding new goals.

01:00:51.640 That's it. That's why we do the 90 day battle plan.

01:00:53.720 Yeah. So you, so the first thing you do is you establish your vision. That's your, your North

01:01:00.820 star, right? Your, your compass, right? Where you're going, here's the vision. And then there's

01:01:06.540 objectives along the way. So here's my 90 day objective for the relationship I have with my

01:01:12.000 daughter, for example, or here's my 90 day objective with my fitness goals. And those little

01:01:19.040 objectives are just points along the trail, right? Here's a point. Here's a point. Here's

01:01:24.760 and you need to hit all of those points in order to get to your, your true North, which

01:01:29.980 is your vision. So you got your vision, you got your objectives and now you work on your

01:01:35.680 tactics. So, okay, here's my objective. Here's where I want, I'm just kind of thinking about

01:01:40.520 it in the context of a map as a metaphor. So, okay. I need to get to, uh, to Portland, Maine

01:01:46.260 from, from where I am. Okay. So that's my, that's my point, right? Why would you go to

01:01:51.220 port? Yeah. Stay away from any, any city named Portland. Just stay away from right now. Um,

01:01:59.420 so, okay, well I can go this way. I can go that way. I can do this. I can drive. I can

01:02:03.500 ride a bike. I can do a bunch of different things, right? Which is going to be the most

01:02:07.140 efficient. Well, probably taking a car and you and me have a difference of not a difference

01:02:11.640 of opinion, but a different thing. Like I know you don't like toll roads. Nope. So

01:02:16.720 you will actually take, you will go the long route to avoid toll roads. I won't do that.

01:02:21.560 Now I don't like toll roads, but I won't take it longer just because I hit a toll road. So

01:02:26.000 the way that you and I get to Portland is going to be different because you have some personal

01:02:29.660 values. Cool. No problem. You're not right or wrong. That's just your thing. And so the cost

01:02:36.040 is you're going to take a little longer. The cost for me is I'm going to pay some tolls, but

01:02:39.800 there's a cost to be paid either way, but we both get to Portland. How is the tactic?

01:02:45.540 Like, what are you going to do specifically to get yourself to your objective? Or in this case,

01:02:49.780 in the metaphor, Portland, that's the tactic. Now, once you get to Portland, reset Portland,

01:02:56.020 got it. Check. Now I need to get down to, uh, to, to Boston. Cause I'm heading to Florida.

01:03:00.960 That's my North star, right? I'm heading down to Florida, got to Portland. Now, now I got to get to

01:03:05.660 Boston. Okay. Well, I take this road. Do I take that road? See what I'm saying? So

01:03:10.020 you have a North star and you wouldn't go ahead. You wouldn't backslide because the North star

01:03:15.560 is still Florida. Right? Because now I'm not going to go, well, I got to Portland. So I'm

01:03:19.280 going to turn around and head home or I'm just going to stay here. No, like you're trying to get

01:03:23.340 to Florida. So now like, what's the next city you have to get to Boston. Okay. How are you going to get

01:03:29.380 to Boston? And then you just keep working your way down the East coast. And eventually, you know,

01:03:33.960 when you're dead, hopefully you'll be there. Cause isn't that where Tim, I was going to say,

01:03:41.320 isn't that just basically people? Well, you said it. So I was going to say, I know what you're

01:03:48.980 going to say. You don't have to say it, but you did. All right. Tim Beck. I still feel like my

01:03:55.200 vision is not, this is perfect by the way. I still like, I still feel like my vision is not dialed in.

01:04:00.740 Uh, so I'm revisiting the four areas you recommend when developing your vision from

01:04:05.420 sovereignty, pull, push, what kind of man, uh, my eulogy, which of those four exercises had,

01:04:12.700 has the biggest impact on the development of your current vision and why any additional exercises

01:04:18.440 that we have helped that, that have helped you dial in your visions. I'm very wary of answering this

01:04:25.660 question. Like, which is the most important? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's kind of like saying

01:04:29.680 it's going to be different for each of us, right? Not only that, but there isn't one that's the most

01:04:33.520 important. Yeah. Right. Like that would be saying like, what's the most important of your four

01:04:37.620 quadrants. So the four quadrants are, um, calibration. That's your mental, emotional,

01:04:42.600 and spiritual health. Second, excuse me, is condition. That's your, uh, relate, excuse me. Um,

01:04:48.280 connection, your relationships with others condition. That's your physical health and everything that,

01:04:53.160 that ties in a line with that contribution, becoming a man of value. So those are the four

01:04:57.460 quadrants that we address. So, so, so guys will be tempted to say, well, what's the most important?

01:05:05.280 There isn't a most important. That's why there's four of them. If there was a most important,

01:05:09.140 there would only be one of them. So there's four for a reason. So when anybody, or some people like

01:05:15.740 to say this, Brian, what's the most important you think you should do to be successful? It'd be very

01:05:21.600 tempting for me to say something like be consistent. Well, if you're consistently an

01:05:26.360 asshole, then you're not going to be successful. Right. So like, is it more important to be 1.00

01:05:32.480 consistent or is it more important to not to be an asshole? Well, actually I think both are probably 0.99

01:05:37.720 a factor in, in you being successful in addition to other factors, right? It's the same thing here.

01:05:44.420 It's like, what's the most important. There isn't a most important. You, you do them all. And look,

01:05:49.480 just because your vision isn't as dialed in as you'd like it to be, that's okay. You can articulate

01:05:56.420 it and develop it and change it and tweak it and refine it and hone it to go back to our metaphor

01:06:00.460 about Florida. You know, you're trying to get to Florida. Maybe you realize, you know, I don't want

01:06:04.640 to go to Florida. I actually want to go to Georgia. Well, you're still on the same path. Now, at some

01:06:08.840 point you're going to need to make a decision. Do you go to Florida or Georgia at some point, but you

01:06:11.960 don't need to make that decision. Now you're heading South. You're in the right direction. And as you're on

01:06:17.140 the path, you begin to articulate, you know, I don't like Florida for this. And I like Georgia

01:06:20.700 for this. And you start to decide what's going to be more advantageous for you. But sometimes we just

01:06:26.380 don't know until we get going down the road. You don't know what's in the forest, right? Until you

01:06:32.100 take the first step. And then you see a fork in the road and you think, I think I'll take that route,

01:06:36.280 but you don't get to see what's down the road until you take the next step. But there's nothing to keep

01:06:42.040 you from back, back tracing, right? Like, I don't like where this is going. I'm just going to take a

01:06:46.120 couple steps back and go down that, go left instead of right. Just, just start. Just, it's

01:06:54.480 okay. You don't have the vision as articulated as you want. Guess what? We're going to revisit in 90

01:06:59.040 days. See how it works out for you with what you currently have. Here's what I have. Keep thinking

01:07:05.100 through it. Keep working at it. As you improve, as you develop your skillsets, as you work this battle

01:07:10.360 plan in 90 days, you're going to be like, you know, I don't like that. I've even thought the same

01:07:15.240 thing with the podcast. In fact, somebody asked me in the Facebook group, Ryan, why'd you stop

01:07:19.220 asking guys, what does it mean to be a man? That was one of the questions that came up on the

01:07:22.720 interview shows. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because I don't think it was a, I don't think it was a thoughtful

01:07:28.560 question as an interviewer. So when I started the way that I started podcasting was I would,

01:07:35.300 I would take my notepad and I would write down, you know, 10, 10 or so questions that I wanted to ask

01:07:40.720 the people that I was having conversations with. And then I would try to hit all of those

01:07:44.680 questions. And I realized very quickly, that's not a great way to have a conversation. Like if you and

01:07:50.420 me, Kip, were just having fun and we were having a conversation, like I wouldn't come up with 10

01:07:54.560 questions and like, so Kip, how is your wife and your children? Like, I wouldn't do that.

01:08:02.100 Yeah. And then I'd say, good. And then you're like, cut me off. I'm like, all right, next question.

01:08:05.560 Next question. Exactly. Exactly. And so I realized, okay, well, you know, I'm kind of doing

01:08:13.480 the same thing with what does it mean to be a man, a more intelligent, more mature way to approach

01:08:19.740 that is try to get them to answer that question without asking the question and weave it into the

01:08:25.660 conversation. And that's what I've started to do, but I wouldn't have known to do that until I started

01:08:32.600 and then just articulated, you know, what I was good at and evaluated how I felt about it. And

01:08:38.800 then you just refine and you tweak and you adjust and you just make it better as you go along.

01:08:43.940 Yeah. Just start. It's okay. Your vision isn't perfect. Neither is mine, by the way. I've been

01:08:48.200 doing this for almost six years now. My vision is not perfect. And ultimately I'm probably going to

01:08:52.360 go somewhere other than what my current vision is stating. I don't know, but that's what it is right

01:08:57.400 now. Yeah. And there's power in having a vision period. Sure. Even if it changes. Yeah. I think

01:09:04.460 it's not necessary either. Yeah. The biggest thing is just make sure it's your vision and not my

01:09:09.480 vision. It's not Kip's vision. It's not your battle team's vision. Like it's yours. And when you read

01:09:14.460 it, you're like, man, yeah, that's it. That's significant. That's, that's impactful. I really believe

01:09:20.460 that. And if it isn't there yet, that's what you should be working towards. Like when you read it,

01:09:25.080 you're like, ah, I'm getting a little teary eyed reading this really. Like, I think it should be

01:09:29.580 that compelling for you. Yeah. The, the, the phrase I, I have told teams in the past is when

01:09:36.360 you have a vision that, that moves, touches and inspires you, that that's a good vision.

01:09:43.300 That's a good measuring stick. Yeah. Yeah. I would say one other thing for who, who was this that

01:09:48.500 asked the question? Uh, this is Tim Beck. So Tim, I would say this for Tim and I would also,

01:09:54.020 and I think Tim's been in the iron council for a while. Uh, I would also say this to anybody

01:09:58.040 listening is consider going through the battle ready program that that whole program. It's a free

01:10:04.160 email course over 30 days. It's designed to walk you through the first phase, which is vision.

01:10:10.400 Second phase is your objectives. Third phase is your tactics. And then we get into checkpoints

01:10:15.640 and accountability from there. So the first phase, the first week is all focused on how to create a

01:10:22.400 vision. So Tim, if you haven't signed up for that, just get signed up. The fact that you're in the

01:10:25.800 iron council will make that more effective by the way. So that's that order. And that's free

01:10:30.720 slash battle ready. Yeah. And that's free for guys outside the iron council. So if you need

01:10:36.520 assistance for that, yep. Yep. All right. Bart Freebert, do you think it's okay to be under employed?

01:10:44.580 I I've never heard this term before. I'm looking for a job right now to help pay the bills while I

01:10:49.400 continue working on my business, which was hurt by the shutdown. It's been hard to convince employers

01:10:54.900 that I won't just bail on them when things pick back up. Do you think I should aim lower and go for

01:11:01.780 something, uh, something I may be overqualified for, or is this selling myself short? I appreciate any

01:11:08.220 advice. Thank you. That's interesting. Underemployed. I would say in this context, I would say, yeah,

01:11:15.860 I personally would do that because it sounds like you have another business you're trying to start.

01:11:19.620 And why would an employer hire you if they know that you're just going to jump ship and go?

01:11:23.440 Cause there's a lot of money and time, you know, this kid with training people, getting them up

01:11:28.680 to standard, getting them insurance. Like it's not just, Hey, we're going to pay you $30 an hour.

01:11:33.920 It's like, we're going to give you benefits and we're going to train you. And there's a lot of

01:11:37.740 investment for an employer to make that decision. That's why I get so frustrated when people say,

01:11:42.120 you know, these people, these CEOs, they make too much money. It's like, well, I don't think

01:11:46.400 you're realizing the full picture or the business owner. Oh, business owners make too much. They're

01:11:51.680 taking all the risk that that, that comes with a premium, which is they should get paid more

01:11:57.380 than the guy. You know, if, if, if I'm paying somebody $20 an hour and, and he doesn't like

01:12:02.780 the job or I don't like him, it's like, well, go, you can go find another $20 an hour job very

01:12:06.460 quickly. But if I lose my business, I mean, I've invested hundreds of thousands, not millions

01:12:13.500 of dollars into getting me to where I am right now. Like that's a greater risk for me.

01:12:19.680 But if you're starting a side business and you got to do something to make ends meet. Yeah.

01:12:23.900 I would say that's actually a pretty good decision, you know, cause you might have other

01:12:27.900 responsibilities, family and bills and obligations and things like that. So yeah, you can be

01:12:32.940 underemployed, but just don't let it be something that is like indefinite. Yeah. Just goes on

01:12:38.740 forever. Cause you don't have a plan to get yourself out of that situation. Cause look,

01:12:42.300 there's some work. This is like, you just go do your work for a year or whatever. And

01:12:46.620 they know that they're entry-level jobs and things like, they're not worried about you sticking

01:12:51.300 around forever. You're just going to come in there and do a solid job, low training requirements.

01:12:55.080 They're not going to pay you very much, but you know, they know there's going to be high

01:12:57.780 turnover and they're okay with that. And you are okay with that. And that might give you

01:13:02.000 some margin, you know, on the bills and things like that to, uh, be able to really ramp up the

01:13:07.940 side business that you've got going on. Yeah. Okay. I like it. Like I know I was going to ask you,

01:13:14.540 you know, how does he convince his employer that, right? Because when I, when I think of an

01:13:19.320 over-qualified guy, I don't want to make that investment. Right. Even if he says, Oh no,

01:13:23.400 I'll stick around. It's like, no, but you're not going to be passionate about it. Right. You're not

01:13:26.620 bought into it. But what I'm hearing Ryan is like, there's certain jobs that they know,

01:13:31.960 that there's high turnover. They're okay with that. Right. Even if you do know that it's not

01:13:35.840 that big of a deal anyway. So just look for those kinds of specific jobs is what you're saying.

01:13:40.380 Yeah. And you know, if you happen to get into a situation where, you know, might be something

01:13:45.360 that an employer wouldn't want you to jump ship because they're going to invest a lot of money

01:13:49.280 into you, then, you know, I wouldn't disclose that unless I was asked about it. I would try to be

01:13:53.520 truthful, but I'm not going to be the one saying, Hey, by the way, I'm going to be leaving in a year.

01:13:57.720 Like, no, I mean, you just don't disclose that. Now, if they say, Hey, what are your plans for the

01:14:03.420 future? I would probably paint that in a way, again, I'm not trying to lie necessarily, but

01:14:10.000 you know, if my goal is to, uh, to, to lead people, you know, in a year I want to be leading people and

01:14:16.520 I want to be in charge of, of design or projects, things that you're interested in. I think you can say

01:14:23.740 that in a way that that actually might fit within that company. And who knows, maybe you actually

01:14:28.120 really enjoy working with that company because you've got a boss who trusts you, who gives you

01:14:32.820 some, some autonomy and some control and you really enjoy it, but you cut yourself off because you

01:14:37.780 framed it wrong. So, yeah. So make sure you're not, you're not teeing yourself up for failure by

01:14:43.380 saying, yeah, I'm just, I'm going to leave. Like, I don't really actually want to be here. Cause

01:14:46.340 that's what you're saying, isn't it? Like, this is just, this job's just going to hold me over

01:14:50.280 until I find something better. Yeah. What kind of employer would want to hire you for that?

01:14:54.780 So I wouldn't disclose that information. And if he asked, I would, or she, I would try to paint it

01:14:59.920 in a way that isn't painting yourself into a corner, uh, but isn't being deceitful either. I mean,

01:15:05.680 I wouldn't want to be deceitful. Got it. All right. Primit ball, our medals. Let's take this one as

01:15:12.540 the last one right here. Okay. All right. Sounds good. Primit ball, our medals given for completing

01:15:17.640 races, half marathons and et cetera. The same as getting participation trophies. While I do like

01:15:23.200 receiving them, there's a sense of accomplishment. It also, at times it feels like I got rewarded for

01:15:29.200 doing the bare minimum, which was show up and finish the race. I don't care. Like whatever,

01:15:35.880 whatever, I'm not saying that. Yeah. I'm not saying that. Like, I don't care about his question.

01:15:39.780 I'm not saying that I'm saying like personally, whatever, you know, I've, I've got, look,

01:15:44.780 there's Spartan medals right there. You know, I can, I completed the race. I did all the things.

01:15:50.420 Um, I missed a couple of, uh, a couple of obstacles, but I did the 30 burpee penalty

01:15:54.700 and I did the race. Now I S I've seen in Spartan where people will miss the obstacle

01:15:59.600 and then they won't do their burpees or they'll actually like deliberately run around obstacles

01:16:04.180 and then they'll go collect their metal. And I think that's wrong, but I don't care. Whatever.

01:16:08.420 Like, I don't, I don't think it's, I'm not too worried about medals and then participation

01:16:14.140 trophies, you know, I don't care. Like participation trophies to me are just, Hey,

01:16:20.960 you showed up and you did the bare minimum to get by. But like, to me, I have that right there

01:16:25.760 because that signifies I completed something. I was to your point earlier in integrity. I did everything

01:16:31.840 that was asked of me. I did it to the best of my ability and I feel good. And it's a good reminder

01:16:36.540 for me to complete that, you know, but if you're showing up and you're doing the bare minimum

01:16:41.380 and you're out of integrity and then, yeah, it's probably just a participation trophy.

01:16:48.840 And what are you teaching your kids? You know, that kind of thing. So I think there is a difference

01:16:54.380 between the two, but just whatever's going to drive you to do the best. I think you gotta,

01:16:59.300 you gotta embrace that. I agree. I think it's, it's based upon the intention, right? If,

01:17:03.900 if my intention was to run the San Francisco marathon and win, and I didn't win, do you think 0.64

01:17:09.940 I give a crap about that trophy that they give? No, no, of course not. If my intention was to show

01:17:15.020 up and actually finish it and not give up, then I, that, that, that trophy means something right now.

01:17:23.300 So I think it's about the intention that you have coming into the race. Let's be honest. Most people

01:17:27.140 running marathons aren't running them to win. They're running them because they want to accomplish

01:17:32.660 the goal of completing one. Yeah. Well, and let's be clear though, too, is like,

01:17:38.120 cause you're using the word intention. And I think people could maybe misconstrue that and think that,

01:17:42.700 oh, all that matters is your intention, how you feel about things. No, what matters is how you

01:17:49.360 perform. So your intentions should lead you to performance. And as long as you met that level

01:17:54.640 of performance, I think you ought to feel good about it. But if you fell short of the performance

01:17:58.800 based on your intention, then there might be a disparity between the way you showed up and how

01:18:03.240 you should feel about it. Um, so yeah, it's like, here's another one right here. Like there's,

01:18:09.040 that's not a, that's not any sort of metal necessarily, but that's a speaker badge from,

01:18:14.800 uh, Sorenex Summerstrong that I went to several years ago. Well, I keep that there because

01:18:19.760 I felt honored to be able to be invited. Um, when I think about that, I'm reminded of the athletes

01:18:26.420 that were at that event that were listening to what I had to share. And in any other context,

01:18:31.200 I'd be the one listening to them. And it's a good reminder for me to show up like the kind of man

01:18:36.340 that I want to show up as. So what are those things mean? What kind of meaning are you giving

01:18:41.540 them and how are they improving your life? If you're just saying, Hey, I went and did something

01:18:47.220 and then yeah, it's not going to serve you well. Got a trophy. Right. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

01:18:53.040 It's kind of like, you know, it's funny as I think about like, even the book that you have

01:18:56.820 is like, like on your, on your shoulder, like sovereignty. Right. As I think, you know,

01:19:00.860 a lot of people write books and like, I'm a bestseller. It's like, Whoa, hold on.

01:19:05.180 Like, what is, what does that mean? Like, I'm a bestseller. Does that mean that you hit number 30

01:19:10.040 in some obscure category on Amazon? Cause I guess like technically maybe you could say,

01:19:15.860 but like, are you just trying to fool yourself? And it's like, that's not a best,

01:19:20.240 I know that's not a bestselling book, but I'm willing to come to terms with that because it's

01:19:24.980 not, has it beat other books? Yes. Is it a bestselling book? No, I don't think I would say

01:19:31.240 that, but I'm truthful with myself. And I think truth is a foundation for any sort of growth.

01:19:37.040 Yeah, for sure. And, and to what you say often, does that serve you? How does that serve you?

01:19:42.800 Right. And sometimes participation trophies don't serve us, right? They, in fact, what might

01:19:48.540 create a negative, uh, false sense of accomplishment when, you know, when we should

01:19:55.000 be pushing ourselves a little bit harder. So. Well, even, you know, even taken to the extreme,

01:19:58.900 I've seen a lot of people say things like on Facebook or Insta, whatever socials, they'll say

01:20:03.120 like, I'm going to run a marathon this year. And then you see in the comments, people are like,

01:20:06.940 you're so awesome. You're so bold and courageous. Oh, I can't believe how awesome that is. And it's

01:20:12.660 like, wait, you didn't do anything yet. That's actually very dangerous because what, what you

01:20:20.120 might be doing is you might be tricking yourself into believing that just because you said you're

01:20:25.880 going to do something, you actually did it. And so you start to take that praise and that notoriety

01:20:31.740 is some sort of great accomplishment. Yeah. Anybody can say they did it. Like it's just

01:20:39.460 a funny thing. Yeah. No. Like when people say people in the Facebook group or an iron council

01:20:43.840 say, I'm going to run a marathon. I'm like, cool. How are you going to train for it? Yeah.

01:20:49.140 Like that's the right response is like, that's, Hey, great objective. Great. Hey, noble ambition.

01:20:55.220 How are you going to make it happen? Not, Oh, congratulations. You thought about doing

01:20:59.600 something at some point in your life. Like that's a participation trophy. Totally. I see. I go the

01:21:05.520 opposite. I'm like, you're an idiot. You can't run a marathon when you're driven by the stick. So 1.00

01:21:11.420 I'm driven by the carrot. So that's the difference. I become their demon for them. Yeah. How nice of

01:21:17.880 you? How, how, uh, how thoughtless of you Kip or thoughtful, thoughtful, thoughtful, how thoughtful of

01:21:23.820 you. All right. So we, you heard us talk about battle ready, uh, to learn about that. Um, and how

01:21:32.680 to sign up, go to order of man.com slash battle ready. And of course we filled in questions from

01:21:38.200 the iron council, our exclusive brotherhood to learn more counsel, go to order of man.com slash iron

01:21:43.120 council. And of course, please join us. If you haven't already on Facebook at facebook.com slash groups

01:21:49.980 slash order of man. And as always, there are many ways that you can support this message,

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01:22:07.000 at Ryan Mickler. And of course, repping in order of man swag at the store that's store.orderofman.com.

01:22:15.500 Get it. All right, guys, that's all we've got. I'll be back for our Friday field notes. Of course,

01:22:23.320 if you want to hear just Kip, then subscribe and just tune in every Wednesday and then just forget

01:22:29.560 about everything else that's going on. Kip, I really do appreciate having you, man. I know I say it every

01:22:33.720 time after I come off of a solo episode, they're just better when you're here. So appreciate the

01:22:39.100 perspective and we have a good time. So thank you for showing up that way. All right, guys,

01:22:43.300 that's all we've got until Friday, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:22:48.280 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:22:52.820 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - September 16, 2020

The Pros of Being Judgmental, Patience vs. Ambition, and Embracing the Total Victory Mindset ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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