Order of Man - The Proximity Principle, Freedom and Human Worth, and Balance is a Verb ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.180 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.720 you can call yourself a man. Mr. Kip Sorensen, what's up, man? Great to see you, brother.

00:00:27.200 Good to see you as well, man. How was your week? It was good. We didn't do a whole lot. The kids

00:00:33.120 were at, the two oldest were at fishing camp. That's right. The stuff they get to do, I was

00:00:39.660 like, I never got to do fishing camp. But they slayed them at fishing camp, and they had a good

00:00:44.920 time. We were with the little ones. It was amazing. People are like, oh, two's so hard. One, having a

00:00:51.440 child is hard. Having two is hard. Having three is hard. Having four is hard. It's like, it's not

00:00:56.780 really. It just becomes life. It just is. But then when your two oldest ones leave, you're

00:01:02.760 like, having two is easy. It's so easy, especially because they're little. You just have to give

00:01:10.320 them just a little bit of an attention and swim in the pool with them. So it was a good

00:01:14.900 time. We had a great time. And the older boys did as well. So it was good, man. How about

00:01:18.780 you? We have, so we have a wedding in our backyard. My sister's, my wife's sister is 0.93

00:01:26.860 getting married in our backyard this coming week in from Spain. And so we have this kind

00:01:31.820 of, you know, they're staying at our house and we're trying to like, make sure they have

00:01:35.420 a great time. So it's a little exhausting. You know what I mean?

00:01:38.220 Yeah. Wait, she's leaving Spain to come have a wedding in Utah. That seems so backwards

00:01:46.840 because her family's all here and he's kind of like, he's kind of, you know, I don't give 0.98

00:01:52.600 a crap about a wedding. Yeah. And so she's like, well, then I want to have my wedding where 0.85

00:01:56.620 my family is. And so now, no. So they're coming to Utah. Even the ladies, even the ladies listening

00:02:03.440 can attest, just have it in Spain. You're going to save money and it's Spain. And if

00:02:09.800 you can really find out, you could, it is, you could find out very quickly who really loves

00:02:15.360 you and who doesn't. So, and also in regards to who goes to Spain, then you don't have to

00:02:19.880 have a big thing. That sounds like the perfect scenario, but whatever, to each their own.

00:02:25.380 Good luck to your son-in-law brother-in-law.

00:02:27.880 What we may not be alluding to is my wife probably goes, well, I don't want to go to Spain. And so

00:02:34.600 it's probably convinced her sister to do it in our yard because it's what's convenient for her. 0.93

00:02:38.600 So my wife usually gets what she wants. Props to Asia then. Props to her. Well played. 1.00

00:02:44.480 Well, but you could have got out of a wedding. That's what I'm thinking.

00:02:47.180 That's true. That's true. Yeah.

00:02:50.240 No, that should be fun. That should be good. Yeah. Cool, man. Well, let's get into some questions

00:02:53.980 for today. Yeah, for sure. So we're also congratulations to the bride to be, I'm kind

00:02:59.620 of busting her chops a little bit, but congrats. We're excited for you. Yeah. And he's a great

00:03:04.900 guy. So we're, we're happy for us. All right. So we're building questions from Instagram to connect

00:03:10.420 with Mr. Mickler there or on Twitter. That's at Ryan Mickler. And we're just going to kind of pick

00:03:15.960 up from where we left off last week. So first question one thing before you get to that, since

00:03:20.940 you're speaking about marriage, I made a post yesterday, uh, on Twitter. I think I also made

00:03:26.780 it on Instagram and I had taken a picture of my family and I before, as we got dressed up and went

00:03:32.040 to church, this is something we do saw that. And, uh, I made the post of, I said, man, and then

00:03:39.060 quotations mark. No, I did a different one. That's a little bit more controversial. So this is the one

00:03:43.480 I'm alluding to the good life. It is blessed the good life. Hope you guys have a great Sunday,

00:03:47.460 all that kind of stuff. But I made one that was more controversial. And I said, men quote,

00:03:52.200 good luck, even finding a woman who wants to marry you for life, have a bunch of kids with you and

00:03:58.560 then be a committed wife and a mother for the rest of your life. And then below that, I put men or I

00:04:04.660 put also men quote, I hate going to church. Why would any man ever go to church? And look, I'm not,

00:04:12.540 look, there's a lot of reasons to go to church. There's a lot of reasons to have the gospel in your

00:04:16.180 life. Yep. Finding a goodly woman is one of those reasons. So that will help you also go to. Yeah. 1.00

00:04:25.720 Well, and look, somebody asked, they said, well, did you meet your wife at church? I said, no,

00:04:29.280 I didn't meet my wife at church. I actually met her through a friend. And then we started working

00:04:33.540 in the mall together at different stores, but I started going to church with her probably two or

00:04:39.740 three weeks into us dating and I've been going ever since. Yeah. So there's a lot of reasons.

00:04:46.520 And the reason I'm even bringing this up, obviously we're talking about marriage, but

00:04:49.840 if that's something that you're interested in, then I would suggest to you that you have to go

00:04:53.540 where the good women are. Like a bunch of guys are like, well, you know, I'm finding all these like

00:04:58.700 whores and these people sleep around and have a bunch of kids. I'm like, well, where are you finding 1.00

00:05:01.820 them? At the bar? Well, no shit, dummy. Yeah.

00:05:04.980 Like that's, that's what kind of women you're going to find there. And maybe that's okay for 0.95

00:05:10.860 whatever your goal is for the weekend. But if you're looking for something more than you need

00:05:16.200 to go where the women that you want to spend time with are, where are they? They're at church. 1.00

00:05:22.720 They're at business functions. They're friends of the good women that you already know in your life.

00:05:28.260 Like go there. The same is true about women or even business. Well, I can't make any businesses, 1.00

00:05:35.260 business contacts. Well, what are you doing? Well, I'm just like making cold calls. Well,

00:05:40.340 okay. Of course you're not making any contacts. Go where the business professionals are. They're

00:05:45.580 at Business Network International. They're at Rotor. They're at Chamber. They're at business

00:05:49.840 functions. They're at luncheons. They're at golf outings. They're at events. Guys, you have,

00:05:56.820 there's a great book called The Proximity Principle by Ken Coleman, who's been on the

00:06:01.080 podcast a couple of times. You have to be in proximity to what you want. And I'm not here to

00:06:06.600 tell you that it's just going to rub off by osmosis. It isn't. Maybe to a degree, you'll pick

00:06:10.880 some things up. But if you want to succeed in life, if you want to be fit, if you want to have a good

00:06:15.480 woman in your life, if you want to get your finances in order, if you want to add value, if you want to do 1.00

00:06:20.600 whatever, then the first step is to, in the absence of anything else, is to be in proximity

00:06:26.820 to what you want. And then you start building from there and making yourself worthy is not the

00:06:34.000 right word, but making yourself, I'll just use word. It's not the right word, but I'll use worthy

00:06:40.000 because I can't think of a better one right now. Worthy of being in the proximity of those kinds of

00:06:44.260 people. That's how you succeed in life. Totally. And is that a result primarily because

00:06:51.320 most opportunities present themselves through relationships? And by being in proximity, it's

00:06:59.660 like, I don't think you can have a relationship or excuse me, an opportunity without a relationship.

00:07:05.480 Yeah. I mean, I really can't think of an opportunity that exists in the absence of a relationship that,

00:07:12.920 I mean, maybe you can come up with one, but I'm, I'd have to rack my brain for a long time to think

00:07:17.740 about that. So yeah, I think that's, I think that's well said. I would agree with that.

00:07:23.420 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. I was over the weekend, I was talking about this very subject with,

00:07:30.040 with someone at the lake, like a neighbor's friend. And it's funny how often we lose sight of

00:07:38.100 relationships being the key of things, you know, even in consulting, we'll go, oh, the client,

00:07:43.620 right. It's like the, well, the client signed this out and the client's happy or the client's not

00:07:48.440 happy. No. Jason signed the statement of work. Good distinction. Yeah. Fred signed the proposal.

00:07:56.840 They're happy. Susan's happy. Like it's not some elusive company. It's the relationship with those

00:08:03.500 specific individuals that really is the relationship with the organization. And we have a tendency

00:08:09.700 sometimes to lose our humanity in that conversation. And, and I think it's a little bit because we,

00:08:15.000 we remove ourselves from the pressure of it. When we're out, it's like, if someone's unhappy,

00:08:20.220 a client's unhappy, it's like, well, no, that person's unhappy. And just like any other relationship,

00:08:26.440 we need to address the issue. And the issue might be that we did, we miss something or may, or, and I'm,

00:08:35.700 I don't know why I'm going negative here, but we miss something. And as a result that reflected poorly

00:08:40.600 on them in the organization that they work, that's, that's the issue. It's seldom like, you know,

00:08:47.420 the client's upset. No people are. Well, I think one of the reasons we also do this,

00:08:53.000 in addition to what you're saying is that people typically represent the bulk of our problems.

00:09:03.380 Yeah. It's usually people, right? Totally. Oh, my wife isn't doing, my boss is this way.

00:09:08.960 My client isn't doing what they're supposed to be doing. And so we, we strip the humanity out of it

00:09:15.340 because we can't see them ourselves in their shoes. And so we're like, yeah, the client's a dick. 1.00

00:09:20.860 It's like, well, hold on a second. If you put yourself in that client's shoes, 0.99

00:09:26.020 would you be responding the same way? You, you might, you actually might be worse

00:09:30.700 than the way that they're behaving if you were in that position. So I got into a, not, not a tiff,

00:09:37.780 but I challenged Ryan holiday to join me back on the podcast about a week ago, because I really like

00:09:44.420 a lot of what he shares. I like a lot of his messaging and his books. I take real issue with

00:09:48.960 the direction that he's gone over the past couple of years. Specifically to me from the outside,

00:09:54.620 looking in, it started with his response to COVID and then drag steam, drag, drag queen story hour

00:10:00.720 at his bookstore and things like this, which I don't agree with, but I will talk about his,

00:10:04.900 his book. And one of the things that he says is he says the obstacle is the way. So where people

00:10:10.740 tend to complain about other people, my wife's a bitch, my boss is an asshole. My client's being 1.00

00:10:15.880 unreasonable. If that's the obstacle, it's also the path forward. So maybe instead of thinking

00:10:23.040 your wife is a bitch, ask yourself, why is she behaving or acting that way? Maybe because you 1.00

00:10:27.140 are the bitch and she's just where the growth is. Right. Or your boss is an asshole. Well, 1.00

00:10:32.700 why, why would he be different to you? You come in late, you show up, you don't perform the way you

00:10:37.880 said you would. You leave early. You look for every excuse to get out of other opportunities to build

00:10:42.820 some responsibility. Oh, my client's a jerk. Well, when's the last time you reached out to 1.00

00:10:47.140 him just to see how things were going or how we could help or, or offer a new solution or

00:10:51.480 saving some money on his insurance. You see what I'm saying? Like, yeah, the obstacle is the way

00:10:56.260 the obstacle is the people, but the path forward is also the people. So let's not strip humanity out

00:11:02.580 of it. And let's try to keep people human. And look, this is hard for me, especially on social

00:11:08.240 media. When somebody says, you know, you're an idiot or you're this or that, it's like, am I like, 1.00

00:11:13.560 if I want that person to look me objectively, or if I've said it to somebody else and I have, I, I, 1.00

00:11:19.440 I actually, I think I called somebody a moron on a live the other day. And I was like, ah, I actually 0.94

00:11:25.220 felt really bad about it. So I apologized on the live. I'm like, look, man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't

00:11:30.600 have said that. And he messaged me back and he was like, Hey bro, I jumped in late. I was trying to

00:11:37.040 throw a wrench into the system. I'm sorry. And I said, Hey, all good. I shouldn't have called you

00:11:41.540 a moron. That's not true. Like you probably had some legitimate questions. Appreciate you reaching 1.00

00:11:46.540 out. And it was cool. Like it was good. So I do the same thing. And this is why I'm talking about

00:11:51.800 it, but maybe just instead of thinking the person's a moron or a dipshit or an asshole or whatever, 1.00

00:11:57.400 maybe consider that they're not, and they might see it differently than you, or maybe they actually 1.00

00:12:02.660 see it the same as you, but you guys are using different words or it's getting lost in translation.

00:12:08.500 And let's start to put some of the humanity back into this so we can have some civil discourse.

00:12:13.100 Yeah, totally. First question. Unless I get off on another tangent, which I might feel it's very

00:12:20.980 possible. Hey, it is the Ryan. Yeah. I was going to say it's your podcast. You interrupt whenever you'd

00:12:26.280 like. That's right. All right. Forward. Always the people show. This is not my show. This is the

00:12:31.680 people show. Oh, the people. Yeah, sure. Yeah. All right. What do you got? All right.

00:12:37.360 Four dollars for me though. Okay. How do you continue to find the motivation to be the man

00:12:43.240 you are needed to, needed to be set back after setback? I've had four surgeries in six years,

00:12:50.380 two cervical fusions, one lumbar, just recently a hip replacement surgery, all from a car accident six

00:12:55.740 years ago. So setback after setback, how do you find the motivation to still show up as the man

00:13:03.380 that you need to be? Well, I think you need to change the premise of the question. First and

00:13:07.920 foremost, is it a setback? I mean, yes. Yes. From, from one perspective, from your physical capacity,

00:13:16.300 absolutely. I'm not trying to devalue or diminish what you're going through. I've never had to deal with

00:13:21.160 anything even remotely close to what you're dealing with. The closest I have is my pectoral

00:13:26.640 tear that I had about a surgery on about four weeks ago. It's the closest I've had. You can see

00:13:32.620 I'm out of my sling. I'm moving around. I'm feeling pretty good, but still I'm a little discouraged

00:13:37.020 physically. Right. And I can let that translate over mentally, which I have over the past three to four

00:13:44.180 weeks at times, throwing myself a little pity party and taking it out on my wife and my kids and all

00:13:49.300 that kind of stuff. But also for the last two weeks, I've been going to jujitsu. Now I don't

00:13:55.660 get to train jujitsu, but that's, that's, I'm incapable of doing that at this stage, but I go

00:14:03.260 and I do my workout. Well, my workout doesn't include bench press. It doesn't include overhead,

00:14:08.620 actually one arm overhead presses, a lot of lunges, a lot of squats, a lot of sit-ups, a lot of presses,

00:14:15.400 a lot of one arm curls, these kinds of things. So when I come back, there's going to be things

00:14:21.720 about jujitsu that are going to be off for me. My timing is going to be atrocious. My stamina and

00:14:28.540 cardio is going to be wrecked, but you know what? I'm going to come back and those guys are going to

00:14:34.660 be like, dude, how are you so strong? I'm going to come back and be a little bit more technical.

00:14:39.900 I think than when I left, because I'm studying and drilling on the technical side of it, which is not

00:14:47.460 one of my strengths. I follow a couple of accounts on Instagram that are teaching stretching and flow

00:14:55.920 type movements to help work your game, even though you might not be training in a moment.

00:15:01.880 So there's a lot of things that I'm currently doing that are actually going to help me be

00:15:07.080 better in a different way. So is it really a setback? In one dynamic, if I'm a one-dimensional

00:15:13.680 person, yes, but I'm not. And the gentleman who asked this question is not one-dimensional.

00:15:20.760 So if your wife leaves you, that's a setback, but also it represents an opportunity for you to

00:15:26.840 develop a deeper relationship with your kids. Also, it gives you your time to focus on a career.

00:15:31.220 When I went through my separation with my wife, we had a one-year-old son at the time

00:15:35.740 and I focused heavy on myself. I got my fitness in order. I got my finances dialed in. I started

00:15:41.980 going back to church. I built some friendships. I developed some new hobbies. And you know what?

00:15:46.760 Now I look back and this was 13 years ago. It looked like a setback 13 years ago.

00:15:55.280 Today, it looks like it presented a tremendous opportunity for me to become a better man.

00:16:02.120 My wife and I celebrated 18 years of marriage this year. Now we have four children.

00:16:06.600 So in the moment, it's like the stock market. You know, you got a hundred grand in the stock market

00:16:11.220 and you look at what it's done over 2021 and 2022. It doesn't look good.

00:16:16.600 But if you zone back and you zoom out a little bit over five years, 10 years, 15 years, 20,

00:16:25.060 30 years, it actually, you can't even see it. And if you made the right decisions in the moment,

00:16:31.720 you'll actually be better off. When I got into the financial market in 2008, 2009, which was one of

00:16:37.220 the worst times to get into financial planning prior to 2021, 2022, Biden's presidency, I got into

00:16:46.220 it in a really horrible time. And what I saw is people that pulled their money out of the stock

00:16:52.860 market had a really, really difficult time recovery. See, they were fixated. Well, I'm losing

00:17:00.920 money. Say, oh, I got to pull my money. I got to make these decisions. And they were making

00:17:04.940 emotionally charged decisions to pull their money, which was not good. They pulled their money out.

00:17:11.480 The people that said, you know what? That stinks. Let me rebalance. Let me just keep the status quo.

00:17:15.200 Let me see what I need to do, but let me keep my money in the market. And we keep trenching forward.

00:17:20.160 Those people within a period of three to four to five years were significantly better off than they

00:17:24.880 were five years prior. It was the ones who made emotionally charged decisions to pull their money

00:17:31.160 out of the market and stop playing the game altogether took seven, eight, 10, 12. Some of

00:17:38.220 them haven't ever recovered because they never put their money back in the market. So I got to ask you

00:17:43.220 the same question. You've got these physical setbacks. Are you going to make emotionally charged decisions

00:17:48.440 like sit around and drink and complain and gripe at everybody around you? Or are you going to be

00:17:56.280 a 360 degree type man where you're looking at your mental wellbeing, your spiritual state, your

00:18:02.940 finances, hobbies, friends, activities, wholesome, enjoyable recreation, and look at the other 359

00:18:12.260 degrees of your life, or you just fixated on this one and making emotionally charged decisions that you

00:18:17.020 may never recover from. When I read these questions, Ryan, I immediately go to the, and I understand

00:18:27.160 there's a dichotomy here. So I want to run this by you and like, where's the balance here. But when I

00:18:34.200 first read this question, the first thought that enters my mind is your circumstances don't define

00:18:39.380 you. It's what you do with them, right? Kind of a more of a stoic approach of, Hey man, like

00:18:45.780 ultimately success in life, in my opinion. And we have a tendency to, to seek after circumstances,

00:18:52.060 right? We think like, Oh, if I'm healthy and if my finances and circumstances are aligned, then

00:18:57.580 like life is good. Is it, or, or is life really good when you have setback after setback and you rise

00:19:06.180 up and become a better person, constantly growing and proving and showing to your children and those

00:19:13.980 that love you, like what it looks like to persevere and rise up despite of circumstance. I like that

00:19:21.900 thought process, but in the same breath, you know, we're men of results, right? And you could handle

00:19:28.900 setbacks all you want and rise up up. And maybe you never reached the results either. Right. And we,

00:19:34.060 we want results and we want to be successful. We want to actually be healthy, not just always trying

00:19:39.520 to be healthy. So in, in, I don't know, do you see what I'm asking here? Where's that, where's that

00:19:44.840 balance of results versus just showing up and showing up is powerful in itself.

00:19:53.420 Well, both can exist. Showing up can be powerful. You're proving to yourself, you can be there

00:19:58.180 and winning is important, but like we, we, we're in this weird thing in culture today where winning

00:20:05.020 is, you know, almost frowned upon having forbids you excel having forbid you're better than somebody

00:20:12.100 else. And if you are, it's because, well, in my case, it's because I'm a white straight European

00:20:20.460 descendant male. That's why I'm successful. Like it has nothing to do with my merit.

00:20:27.100 It has nothing to do with me overcoming some sort of hardship that I've had in the past. And I really,

00:20:32.380 frankly, haven't had that much. That must be my white privilege speaking.

00:20:35.740 Yeah. Okay. But that's the society, that's the culture that we live in today.

00:20:40.580 So it isn't any surprise to me that people don't want to excel when you excel, even in school.

00:20:45.020 Like, I don't know how you were in school, Kip. I was pretty decent. I'm a fairly intelligent person

00:20:50.560 and my buddies would slack off and dink off and I'd get A's and maybe a few high B's, but you know, 0.90

00:20:57.000 I had a 3.9 to 4.0 grade average as I went through high school, even as, you know, a dumb jock. 0.83

00:21:03.740 And guess what? All my buddies would mock me about it. I don't think they were doing it out of ill 0.91

00:21:09.280 intent. I just think it's just what we do, right? It's almost a subconscious thing.

00:21:13.260 Yeah. Right. Like how many, how many of your friends and your family members,

00:21:17.200 even if they're doing it in good spirits have made fun of you since you received your black belt?

00:21:22.920 Oh, totally. Totally. Right. Or that I train all the time. It's like, well,

00:21:25.920 why do you need to train? Let's like, we always want to drag people down subconsciously. It's kind

00:21:31.260 of weird. And again, I don't think most people aren't mean spirited about it. They're really not.

00:21:34.880 They're just kind of poking at you. So, but so both can exist, but here's what I wrote as you were

00:21:40.520 saying, Matt. Balance is a verb. Guys, you need to understand balance is a verb. It's like running.

00:21:46.400 You would never say I achieved running. Yeah. You say, no, I am running. I achieved jumping.

00:21:55.460 Like I'm amazing. I achieved jumping. I am jumping. No, you say I am jumping, right? It's a verb.

00:22:03.860 Yeah. You know, you don't say I've achieved balance. You say I am balancing. So to your

00:22:11.380 question, what is the balance? I don't know. You got to figure it out as you go. Yeah. So my,

00:22:18.920 my, uh, my son and daughter, when we dropped our two oldest boys off to fish camp, there was this

00:22:24.800 piece of wood. It was like four inches. It was just a little like long piece of wood. And it was a

00:22:29.980 border for a garden. And immediately my daughter and my sec, my youngest son got on that wood beam

00:22:36.400 and they were just walking across it. Right. Cause that's what they do. They're like, Hey,

00:22:39.500 let's see if we can balance. And you can see they're putting their arms out and trying to,

00:22:43.260 you know, see if they can make it to the end without falling off. And then what does dad do?

00:22:46.440 Well, of course I go and push them on the shoulder, right? That's what we do as dads.

00:22:50.060 Yeah. And, and what do they have to do? They have to push against it. And so I pushed

00:22:54.920 and they started to push against it. And then I faked pushed and I moved my hand and they fell

00:22:59.500 towards me. Right. Like you get the visual cue of that life is the same way when you're working,

00:23:07.140 but then your wife's like, Hey, you're, you're away from the family. You're away from the kids. 1.00

00:23:11.100 You're missing recitals. You're missing games. You, you got to do something. She's pushing on you

00:23:16.140 or life is, and you got to adjust. Oh, you know what? That's right. I am. Or when you have a new book

00:23:23.400 coming out or a critical deadline to hit, you got to put, you got to lean into that a little more than

00:23:29.140 maybe normally you would. And then when it's done, then you can straighten yourself back up,

00:23:32.700 but balance is a verb. So let's get over this idea that we reach balance and let's instead

00:23:38.700 embrace the concept that life is an eternal struggle of balancing. And I think we'll have

00:23:44.300 an easier time with it. I like that. I mean, one, one last comment really quick for this guy,

00:23:49.360 you know, cause I, I was, I want to reconnect to his ultimate question and, and it is finding

00:23:54.140 motivation. And so maybe one thing to look for, you know, you can't help, but look at the Goggins

00:24:01.120 of the world, right. And other high achievers, those men are high achieving and inspiring. Why?

00:24:09.580 Because they had difficult circumstances, not because life was easy, right? You could take Goggins

00:24:15.980 and then take his life. And it was all handed to him on a platter. He wouldn't be as inspirational. 0.99

00:24:21.760 He's inspirational because of what he chose to do with the hand that was given to him. And so brother,

00:24:28.740 you have a tough hand, right? You have these surgeries, you have all this physical elements.

00:24:34.240 Awesome. What a great opportunity for you to rise up and show people that those things aren't going

00:24:39.500 to hold you back and that you can, despite your circumstance, maintain and be healthy and rise above

00:24:46.200 them. Excellent. There's one other thing since you evoke Goggins here, some of these guys are highly,

00:24:55.800 highly successful in one dimension. Yeah. Guys, I've talked with close to 400 high achievers

00:25:03.560 and bless their hearts and bless who they are. And we need obsessed people in life. We need,

00:25:09.680 we need people like that. I think Goggins is one of them because he can show us what's possible,

00:25:14.460 but I don't look to Goggins as an example for me and how to lead my family.

00:25:21.680 It's not somebody I look to for that. Yeah. Right. Because he is very fixated and I'm not saying

00:25:27.780 he's wrong. Please understand me. He's not wrong, but that's not what I want. I had a good conversation

00:25:34.740 with my good friend, Pete Roberts the other day, we went to lunch together and he said, we were talking

00:25:39.780 about his, his target fixation on origin American manufacturing. Now the hunt line, we're talking

00:25:47.220 about it. I've always admired his passion and his focus and his dedication towards his organization

00:25:54.300 in this dream that I, as long as I've known him, which is about six or seven years of bringing back

00:25:59.880 American jobs and manufacturing. And he said something to me, he's like, Hey Ryan, you know,

00:26:04.220 I could never do what I do right now. If I had kids, your age, he's never said that to me before.

00:26:12.640 Yeah. But he knows he's like, man, if I, cause he's got, he's got kids and they're almost one's

00:26:20.360 out of the nest. One is getting there, but he knows like he gets it. It's like, no, this is the

00:26:25.640 season of my life where I can do this 10 years ago. He was in a different season. He never could have

00:26:31.420 done that. And it will change down the road. Just remember who you're following and remember what

00:26:36.780 their goals are relative to yours. Cause they may not always be aligned. They're not wrong,

00:26:40.840 but they may not always be aligned. So be very aware of that. Yeah. The saved show, as you go

00:26:48.040 about your day, when you are in, when you are encountering God, are there moments when you are

00:26:54.980 overcome with love and gratitude for life, uh, that you are living things to him.

00:27:01.340 Yeah. I feel that I was going to say every day. That's not true. I feel it more when I'm present

00:27:07.520 in the moment. So yesterday, um, again, my oldest were gone. I think they were, they actually came

00:27:15.200 home, but I think they were fishing. Dang, look at these pits, man. Like I'm burning up in here.

00:27:19.320 All right, guys. Like just listen this time. You don't have to watch my disgusting pits.

00:27:25.780 I just love that you brought it up. Yeah. Let's just embrace this. Okay. And by the way, 0.97

00:27:31.280 I'm totally sunburned. I look like I'm red. You look nice. You look like you got some,

00:27:36.900 put some makeup on there to give yourself some color today. Yeah. I hired a makeup artist to make 0.93

00:27:41.600 sure I look good for the YouTube videos. Yeah. Actually it's all those, those bad chemicals in that

00:27:47.680 red bull that you're drinking, making your face go flush and you're not getting the proper oxygen

00:27:52.000 and blood flow that you need. It's Delta sun. Yeah. Sorry. Uh, back to being present in the

00:27:59.480 moment. I just wanted to share with you guys what it looks like when you're not present.

00:28:03.320 That's why we went off tangent there for a minute. Yeah. Uh, with being present yesterday. So my two

00:28:09.280 oldest, they were fishing again. They were fishing with some friends this time. They came home from fish

00:28:13.820 camp and went back fishing. Cause that's what they do. And my two little ones said, dad, let's go

00:28:18.700 swimming. And we have an above ground pool. One of those in techs, I think it's 15 or so feet wide

00:28:23.900 and it's five feet deep. And they're like, dad, let's go swim. Like, cool. Let's do it. And I was

00:28:28.520 sitting there. My phone is obviously not in the pool with me. Um, my other kids aren't hooting and

00:28:32.640 hollering and pinching and poking their sisters and brothers and being obnoxious and annoying. The dogs

00:28:38.000 were inside. So I wasn't having to watch them. And I was just, I think Trish was shopping. So it was just me

00:28:43.360 and my two children. And I was just so present. They're like, let's create a whirlpool. And so

00:28:48.180 we just run laps or, you know, around the pool, the edge of the pool and try to get it to go.

00:28:53.740 And we were just playing. And I just looked up for a moment and I was so grateful in that moment.

00:28:58.860 And I felt God's presence in that moment because I was present and I had this, just this unbelievable

00:29:05.660 sense of gratitude and fulfillment and stillness, I would say, come over me in that moment. And part

00:29:13.920 of it was because of the moment and I was present. And the other part of it was because I went to

00:29:18.700 church and I really enjoyed the experience at church earlier that day. So a lot of guys will say,

00:29:23.780 I hate organized religion. And I understand, I actually understand that argument. I get,

00:29:29.620 I get it. I do. And people say, well, it's done more harm than any other thing. And yes,

00:29:35.460 there has been a lot of atrocious, horrible, horrific things done in the name of God, 0.96

00:29:41.800 but that isn't godly. Number one, let's just clear the air on that. And people are people. We're going to

00:29:48.060 sin. But the reason I like church is because it just is a good reminder and a good reset for me

00:29:58.200 and a good way to remember his love in a structured environment that I'm just not sure I would get

00:30:05.760 anywhere else. Now, a lot of guys will say, well, I feel closer to God in the mountains. And if you do

00:30:11.300 great, a lot of the times I can't help, but feel that's a cop-out because there's no structure to that.

00:30:17.800 There's no dedicated carved out time for that. And that's why prayer is important. If you're not

00:30:24.560 a prayer guy, that's why meditation is important. That's why visualization time is important. Hell, 0.60

00:30:30.080 that's why exercise time is important. It's an hour out of your day where you're like, nope,

00:30:36.220 this is dedicated to exercising. I'm going to be active throughout the day, but this is my dedicated

00:30:42.600 time to this. And that's why I do like church. So I think a combination yesterday afternoon of

00:30:47.680 me having those reminders and conjuring up those thoughts through a dedicated time and commitment

00:30:53.000 to him and being present in the moment with the blessings, namely in this circumstance, my children.

00:31:00.100 Well, and you were mentioning earlier about who you surround yourself with and that creates

00:31:05.540 possibility and thought that you wouldn't normally generate on your own. I mean, that's just the reality,

00:31:10.900 right? And so you go to a church building and you hear other people share spiritual experiences,

00:31:17.840 or you read a hymn that you don't have memorized in your mind. You're taking outside influence and

00:31:23.220 you're going to consider things that you wouldn't have considered otherwise. That's just reality.

00:31:27.740 Yeah. And, and Ryan, it's funny that you say this because literally like not, not yesterday,

00:31:32.620 but the Sunday before for whatever reason, right? We went to church and, and I was like,

00:31:38.460 I'm a, an emotional mess, not from a sad perspective, but just being moved. Like the song

00:31:45.000 affected me, my, the way my kids looking over at my wife and my kids all sitting in a pew next to each

00:31:51.220 other affected me. The message of, I mean, just everything was just like, man, you know, like

00:31:56.200 a recenter to me. And, and that was made possible through the outside influence of others messages

00:32:03.780 and sharing that I didn't have it in my own head. Does it make sense? And then that allowed me to

00:32:09.560 consider it. And so once again, the importance of surrounding ourselves with other individuals

00:32:14.660 and the messages that they share through their action or through their words being so critical.

00:32:21.440 Agreed. Well said. All right. Bill Collins also known as Phil Collins. I think it's Phil

00:32:25.980 Collins actually. I'm going with Phil Collins. He says, Ryan, I just want to thank you for all you

00:32:30.060 do. Good job, man. It was, is that a joke or is it, was there a reference? No, he just wanted to say

00:32:36.040 grateful. I know you don't hear that very often. No, I'm just, I'm not talking about that. I'm

00:32:39.860 talking about his name. No, I've been listening to Phil Collins all the time. So I'm like, you know,

00:32:45.460 I just want to make it a celebrity. It's Bill Collins. Okay. I'm like, wait, it's like Bill and

00:32:49.900 Phil in parentheses, or I thought maybe I missed the joke. Okay. I was wrapped up in the name. What was the

00:32:55.120 question or the thing? I don't know. He was just saying, appreciate, appreciate what you do.

00:32:59.420 I'm just kidding. I heard it. I just wanted you to say it again.

00:33:04.040 You're funny. You know, I'll send this to you a text message. Yeah.

00:33:08.360 Bill, thank you. Yes. And I'm going to frame it and put it on the wall right here. Cause I don't

00:33:11.440 get very many of those. Bill, I appreciate it, man. We do it. We do it for you guys. Well, look,

00:33:16.840 I do it for you is kind of like, it's, it's, you know, platitude we hear all the time,

00:33:20.900 but it is true. I do that for you guys. This is your part of the mission. You are a crucial,

00:33:25.780 integral part of the mission. It's also selfish. I get a lot out of it too. So I will accept your

00:33:31.040 gratitude and say, thank you back, uh, for, for letting us do it. Cause we wouldn't be able to do

00:33:36.920 these things if it wasn't for you and the, you know, thousands, hundreds of thousands of guys who

00:33:41.460 tune in and support in some way. Yeah. Cool. All right. Sam Bradway, what has been the biggest

00:33:49.420 struggle you've encountered in fatherhood? The biggest struggle in fatherhood.

00:33:58.800 I don't think that there's just one moment that immediately comes to mind for me. I don't like to

00:34:04.520 see my children hurt. That's really hard for me. Um, you know, maybe, maybe my oldest son got

00:34:11.680 rejected by a girly likes, uh, or my daughter's dance recital doesn't go as well as she would have

00:34:18.220 hoped, or one of my kids strikes out at their baseball game. These are minor things in life

00:34:24.600 in the grand scheme of things, but this is the stage we're at with our children. And so regardless

00:34:28.600 of what it is, I just, I don't like to see them hurt that that's really hard for me because when

00:34:35.120 they hurt, I want to come in and save them. And I realized that I can't. And I probably in these

00:34:43.060 minor instances and even bigger ones probably should not rescue them and let them experience

00:34:49.360 it, let them feel it, let them feel disappointment. I remember when my oldest Brecken came to me,

00:34:55.320 this was about two years ago, maybe a little over now at this point. And he had really had a hard time

00:35:00.540 with his weight and he was chunky little bugger. You know, he's just a little roly poly and he felt 0.97

00:35:05.640 so bad. He was embarrassed to take his shirt off. People at school were making fun of him.

00:35:10.520 And I didn't like to see that. I didn't want him to deal with that. And he came to

00:35:14.640 my wife and I, and he's like, Hey, I think my weight, I just, I don't feel fat and I don't

00:35:19.520 feel good about myself. And, you know, and I don't, I don't want to take my shirt off and kids make fun

00:35:24.580 of me. And I just feel dumb. And that's like stings. Like, I don't want him to feel like that. 0.90

00:35:30.880 And so I could have in that moment said, no, no, no, no, no. You're good. And you're special.

00:35:35.120 You're beautiful. And you just need to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin. And

00:35:39.720 that's what I wanted to do. Instead, her and I had made the decision that no, we're not going to

00:35:47.800 coddle them. And so I decided to say, you know, your weight has gotten out of hand and I can

00:35:54.280 understand why you would be embarrassed to take your shirt off. I've actually been there in my life.

00:36:01.340 And so I get it. So what are you going to do about it? And then in that moment,

00:36:07.800 like literally in that moment, you've seen it, Kip. Yeah. He changed. And some of it is he's

00:36:13.960 lost the baby fat and he's, you know, getting mature, he's getting taller, some of that,

00:36:18.360 but also he has busted his tail for two years, sacrifice, changed his dieting. I don't tell him

00:36:28.940 what to eat. I'm like, Hey, don't eat that. Do it. Nope. He does it. I don't tell him anything.

00:36:33.940 He's he's, he, uh, tried out for wrestling. He wrestled a couple of years ago. He's been playing

00:36:38.980 football for the past six years. Um, powerlifting is a big thing in his life right now. He tried jujitsu

00:36:45.360 doesn't like it as much as powerlifting. So he's, so that's one of his faults, but

00:36:50.180 no one's perfect. No one's perfect. Even my own children are not perfect. You'd think they would

00:36:56.580 be if I'm their dad. Yeah. Uh, but man, that's a testament to being honest with your kids and then

00:37:07.600 letting them feel the pain that I don't want them to experience, but it's actually the pain that caused

00:37:13.100 him to change. You think about that for a second. It's the fact that somebody at school made fun of

00:37:17.640 him. It's the fact that he feels embarrassed around his friends and girls to take his shirt

00:37:21.540 off. And he just actually just wants to go on the lake and swim. It's the obstacle that changed him

00:37:27.140 because he didn't want to experience that. But society says, well, don't make people stronger.

00:37:31.920 Just get rid of the pain. No, keep the pain. In fact, put your finger in the wound a little bit

00:37:38.900 in a loving way and make them feel it even more in the right way. So that drives your children to

00:37:44.900 action. So it's, so it's that it's a really long answer. Um, and then just a very short answer. I

00:37:50.760 just, I always struggle with patience when my kids aren't doing what they should, or they're not

00:37:55.540 progressing the way I think they could, or they're not being kind to us or their siblings, or they're

00:38:01.240 screwing up patients. And I lose my temper quickly. Um, I lose my cool. Sometimes I blow up at them

00:38:08.820 because I'm thinking about something else. So patience has always been an issue for me as well.

00:38:12.260 Yeah. This question's related kind of, so let's segue a little bit here. He says, uh, the question

00:38:18.860 is from pattern, a dad, old school, sorry, Instagram names, which is the most painful thing. You see

00:38:26.420 parents complaining about their children. So I'm, I'm assuming painful for you to hear these parents

00:38:33.700 complaining about. Yeah. I like where I, the way he's asking yet, I kind of feel like, where do I

00:38:38.860 cringe when I see parents, but specifically what they complain about? Yeah, totally. That's what

00:38:44.660 I hate. That's how I, anytime you complain about your children, I hate it. Why are you? Because 0.95

00:38:48.600 there's zero ownership. Like my kids are this way, AKA I play no role in it. That's, I mean,

00:38:55.400 that's a legitimate reason. That's not why. Oh, okay. What are you saying? That's not wrong. Like

00:39:00.580 that's a good reason, but the reason I don't like it is because those are beautiful little blessings.

00:39:05.120 And what if they hear you? Yeah. Like what if they hear you? Yeah. And, and also what does the way

00:39:15.940 you're talking about them, how does that spill over into the way you treat them and father them?

00:39:22.660 I, you know, somebody I really admire and respect, uh, Ben Shapiro. I know that's going to be very

00:39:28.600 controversial. The fact that I even said that there it goes. He's, he's, he's intelligent. He's well

00:39:34.340 thought out. Like he's got some great opinions. I don't necessarily agree on everything, but he's

00:39:38.160 got great commentary. He's very logical. He's brilliant. He's running a tremendous organization,

00:39:44.520 if not just from a business owner perspective, but he complains about how little sleep you get.

00:39:50.000 He complains about all the time. Every time I hear a pot, he's like, well, if you're anything like me,

00:39:53.800 buy a mattress because your kids keep you up at all hours of night. And he complains about his

00:39:57.440 children. And I'm like, bro, don't, why are you complaining about your children? Yes. I know you don't

00:40:03.260 get as much sleep as you would like. I've been there. All of us as parents have, and that's the

00:40:09.360 beauty. Like that's, that's the sacrifice. That's the package deal, man. You wouldn't love them as

00:40:14.220 much as if you didn't have to get up at all hours of the night and change their diaper and bring them

00:40:18.760 to mom. So she could breastfeed the babies and, you know, and, and they're scared. And so you got to

00:40:24.160 go in there and tell them not to be scared and maybe sing them a song or have a prayer or just,

00:40:28.180 you know, pat their head or whatever, whatever you do. Yeah. That's beautiful. And like,

00:40:34.140 I get so frustrated with, Oh yeah. My kid, I got my divorced parents. Oh, I got my kids. I'd like

00:40:40.180 to go, but I got my kids this weekend. Why would you say that? You'd like to go do this thing,

00:40:48.240 but you have your kids. So yeah. Yeah. I don't like that at all. And look, I don't take this as a

00:40:56.760 holier than thou, or I've done that. And I probably do it more than even I acknowledge,

00:41:01.520 but when I hear it and see it in others, or even myself, I'm like, don't you dare,

00:41:06.520 don't you dare complain? Cause you know what? There's a lot of people who are listening to this

00:41:10.760 right now who have lost children as children had miscarriages, lost them as adults are dealing

00:41:17.880 with issues, horrific circumstances. Don't you dare complain about anything with your kids.

00:41:26.760 That's not, that's advice for me too. Yeah. I like it, man.

00:41:33.680 I mean, just the impact alone, right. Just considering how that might impact them

00:41:38.240 being treated as a burden is that in itself. What if they hear that? I already said that.

00:41:45.580 What if they hear that? Yeah. And if, even if they don't, you're hearing it and you're changing

00:41:50.040 your behavior based on it. Totally. Kyle William Brown, while writing a vision and conducting the

00:41:57.560 five wise activity, how do we address the issue of nihilism that we run into while searching for

00:42:05.200 meaning related to our vision? If we have a clearly defined purpose, such as to protect and preserve

00:42:11.020 freedom in human life and ask ourselves why this is important five times, eventually you ask yourself,

00:42:17.560 why is human life and freedom important? Could you share your why freedom and the protection of human

00:42:24.440 life is valuable to you? I'm a pretty intuitive person. I don't, I don't consider myself a very

00:42:32.640 thoughtful person, a very deep, a very deep person. Yeah. I know thoughtful means like I'm a jerk.

00:42:40.080 Like that's also true, but in this context, I don't really do like think about it that deep. I'm just 0.94

00:42:47.000 pretty intuitive. So when you say, why is human life important? Because it is like, I wish I could

00:42:54.120 give you a better answer than that. I'm just not, I'm not an intellectual person. I just have, I've never

00:43:00.080 really thought about that. I will say that I think, well, I think two things when it comes to why human

00:43:06.660 life is so valuable. Number one is because of the potential that resides in every human being

00:43:13.160 and who am I to strip away or hinder or limit another person's potential. I don't know what

00:43:20.440 that person is going to become. Um, I don't know who that person is going to serve. I don't know how

00:43:26.880 that person's going to impact the world, but I believe that I, it is, this is very spiritually

00:43:34.660 driven belief, right? That all souls and all humans have intrinsic worth. Now there's some that

00:43:41.780 that wasted betray or even betray that worth or betray other people. And there should be punishment

00:43:49.940 and consequences for doing so just because I believe that everybody has worth as a human

00:43:55.540 and unlimited potential as a human and a divine being doesn't mean that I'm going to subject myself

00:44:02.340 to evil because I think, you know, somebody just deserves another chance. I'm not saying that at

00:44:07.400 all, but I don't get to make that decision. So every human, every soul has potential and has worth.

00:44:16.560 And I don't have the right to limit that, to hinder that, to steal that, to take that from another

00:44:23.820 person. That's not my role in this world. The other side is that if we look at human life,

00:44:31.400 so this is where it might get a little bit more philosophical or deep is if we look at human

00:44:36.740 life with this idea that it's, there is worth intrinsic worth and potential stored in a human,

00:44:44.800 then that gives us meaning and purpose. Because if I believe that Kip, you have unlimited potential

00:44:53.400 in some form, then it gives me purpose to serve you because it gives you purpose as that person,

00:45:01.340 right? But I'm just talking about as me looking at another person. It gives me purpose to help you

00:45:06.820 manifest that potential, whether it's my children or you. And this is a big part of the reason why

00:45:13.260 we're even doing order of man. When I started, I have, and I still have real struggles in my life,

00:45:19.400 but I don't want other guys to go through that. Like, I don't want you to go through a separation.

00:45:25.220 I don't want you to get so fat. You're unrecognizable and feel so horrible about

00:45:29.660 yourself. I don't want you to be in financial hardship. I don't want your children to be

00:45:34.580 without a father. I don't want any of that for you guys. And I have found meaning because I believe

00:45:40.940 so much in human potential and human worth in helping ensure not by eliminating those obstacles,

00:45:48.400 but by equipping you with what you need to help eliminate and overcome those obstacles for

00:45:53.340 yourself. So if you, if you, now, if I don't believe that, if I don't believe humans have

00:46:00.180 intrinsic worth, then you're right. That's nihilism for sure. That is the root of nihilism

00:46:06.060 that nobody else has any worth. It's not worth including yourself. You don't have any worth.

00:46:11.060 You don't have any potential, but if here's another thought, if you believe that you have worth and

00:46:17.320 potential, I think that the overwhelming majority of us believe that. Are, are you saying that you're

00:46:24.320 different or more special than somebody else? You're not. So why would I believe that I have

00:46:31.780 human worth, intrinsic worth and potential, and yet I can, I don't recognize it in somebody else.

00:46:37.860 That's crazy. They're, they're connected inextricably.

00:46:41.780 Totally. He also asked your thoughts on freedom being so, so important.

00:46:50.120 Again, I mean, my knee jerk is like, well, what's the alternative? Yeah.

00:46:55.600 What is the alternative? The alternative is captivity. It's slavery. It's somebody else

00:47:03.320 deciding what my worth is to go back to our original commentary on the question.

00:47:08.220 Okay. Who is another person to decide what my life is supposed to be? Whether I'm supposed to be

00:47:15.200 your servant or your slave or your employee or destined to do X, Y, and Z work. Who are you

00:47:22.840 to decide that for me? Who are you to tell me I can't defend my family? Who are you to tell me that

00:47:30.280 I can't have an idea that is counter to your idea? Shame on you. If you believe that 0.91

00:47:35.900 there's not another person who should ever be able to dictate that for somebody else, it's evil,

00:47:42.960 it's satanic, and it's dangerous to ever, to humanity. Yeah. When people start thinking they're

00:47:50.460 better than you and they can dictate whether it's the price of what you're offering or who you can

00:47:56.280 sell what to, or how you're able to defend your family or what viewpoints you can vocalize and which

00:48:01.560 ones you can't. Yeah. Well, and if you think about it, the removal of freedom is rooted in the idea

00:48:08.860 that you do not believe in people's full potential, that they are capable. It's actually rooted in the

00:48:15.920 idea of nihilism that you think you know the answer and they don't, and that they're incapable of doing

00:48:22.100 so. One additional thought on freedom that I really like is I think that's where growth is.

00:48:29.420 When we, the more sovereignty that we have, the more we take on extreme ownership. And it's funny

00:48:34.760 because when you think about freedom and extreme ownership and sovereignty, they're all kind of

00:48:39.720 related here. And so much of the growth and chances that we have, some of the biggest growth that we

00:48:46.940 have in our life is made through the freedom of choice. And, and by taking ownership and realizing

00:48:55.840 that that's on us and I decide for myself, it's not being projected. It's not being forced upon me,

00:49:00.420 but I'm deciding to do something. I show up in a way more powerful way when I'm committed to something

00:49:06.440 and I had freedoms to do the wrong and the right decision. And that is where growth is at thus potential.

00:49:13.160 Well, you're right. You're a hundred percent right. And what I wrote right here is you were saying

00:49:17.800 that is wrap your head around this. You can't do good without freedom. Yeah. You can't make good

00:49:28.800 choices without freedom. Why? Because being forced to do something isn't a choice. Totally.

00:49:35.700 And we rob people. Yeah. We rob people of, of, of, of superficial benefit. So let's get an example

00:49:44.860 of helping the poor. There's a drastic difference, Ryan, between you saying, Hey Kip, I'm going to take

00:49:50.740 a portion of your income, whether you like it or not. And if you don't like it, by the way, guys with

00:49:55.260 guns are going to show up, but I'm going to take a portion of your income. We're going to give that to

00:49:58.840 the needy versus me making a choice to actually go help them. What's the experience from my

00:50:06.600 perspective. Those are two drastic experiences. One will edify me and benefit me. The other one

00:50:13.060 causes resentment. Well, but also people will think they're good because a portion of their taxes go

00:50:20.440 towards projects and this and that. Well, if, if you didn't, if you didn't have to pay taxes, would you,

00:50:26.720 I wouldn't, would you? Yeah, exactly. No, you wouldn't. So you're forced to do it instead.

00:50:34.660 If it means more of you say, Hey, you know, yeah, yeah. I pay in taxes, but that just comes out of

00:50:39.520 my paycheck. But also every fourth Sunday of the week, I go serve at the homeless shelter and we

00:50:45.000 bring food and we serve and we do this. Okay. That's more meaningful. That to me represents goodness

00:50:50.800 because you made a choice to do it. And you could have done a thousand other things. I made a post

00:50:56.400 about being nice. I said, nice is not a virtue that men should prioritize. And let's not get

00:51:01.580 caught up in the semantics. You might call it something different, but just, so just hear my

00:51:06.200 point. That's, that's all I'm saying. Understand my point. When I use the word nice, I think it

00:51:12.840 represents a last resort for a lot of men. It's like the only tool in their arsenal. They're not tough.

00:51:19.520 They're not principled. They're, they can't speak their minds. They can't communicate effectively.

00:51:24.060 They're not strong. They don't have the capacity for violence. And so they're forced to be nice as

00:51:30.180 a last resort to hopefully scrape up the scraps on the table that everybody else left behind.

00:51:37.120 So is that a virtue? No, it's weakness actually. Now, again, use, you can fill in whatever word I use

00:51:44.220 the word kind. Kip, if I see something between you and us that I don't like in your behavior,

00:51:52.800 I could be very, I even have the capacity for cruelty. I can be very cruel. I can say and do

00:51:59.160 things to you about you that would hurt you in some way, maybe physically, maybe financially.

00:52:05.900 Those are things I have the capacity to do. Maybe not the physical side, but the rest. Sure.

00:52:11.800 Yeah. You could.

00:52:14.260 Okay. But I choose not to do those things. Yeah.

00:52:18.920 So when you do something that I don't like, instead of going off the rails and we've had some

00:52:23.820 issues, not issues, but situations, circumstances. Yeah.

00:52:28.080 That you could have been resentful towards me or vice versa. And instead we decided to be kind,

00:52:35.040 not because we're forced to, but because we want to. Yeah.

00:52:40.980 When I mess up, I want to apologize because I care about you. And also I care enough about myself

00:52:46.280 that I can turn the other cheek or you hope you can and be willing to ask that you do. And

00:52:52.560 that's kindness that I have the capacity for violence and even cruelty. And in that moment,

00:52:59.260 choose to do something more effective. That is virtue, not being devoid of options,

00:53:05.720 but having all the options and using the most virtuous one. Totally.

00:53:12.780 Doomslayer5986, any injury prevention tips when training jujitsu for the first time?

00:53:19.280 Just don't train jujitsu. If you want to prevent injuries, I can't answer that.

00:53:24.860 Tap dude. That's, that's how you don't get hurt, but that wasn't my issue.

00:53:29.020 That's true. But most people that get injured, it's, it's ego and not tapping, right?

00:53:34.580 Oh, it was ego. It was ego. Everybody asked me, they're like, was it an arm bar? Was it a

00:53:40.460 Kimura or Americana? I'm like, no, no, no, no. I tap. I have no problem with tapping. I'm okay with it.

00:53:49.280 But I think I can, I think I can muscle guys around and clearly I cannot do that to technical

00:53:56.280 bigger guys than me. So yeah, just ego. I think you're right. Just ego, like injury prevention.

00:54:04.540 Uh, I would say, and then I want you to jump in and share your thoughts, Kit, but I would say,

00:54:08.740 um, I would actually say don't overtrain. Yeah. Probably ease into it a little. Yeah. I don't,

00:54:15.800 I don't think there's, there's probably 10% of the population who you'd have to tell that to.

00:54:21.940 Like, I'd be one of those guys, like don't overdo it. 90% of the population. That's not an issue.

00:54:26.860 I don't know if it is for, for this gentleman or not. Yeah. Um, number two is yes. Just tap,

00:54:34.040 just tap number three, get rid of the ego. And more specifically, if something isn't working,

00:54:41.720 stop doing it. Yeah. Like I'll get somebody in a choke, let's say a cross-collar choke

00:54:48.980 and I'll get them in a cross-collar choke or a baseball bat choke or something. And I'm like,

00:54:54.800 like squeezing and it's not working. And I'm like, just squeeze harder. I'm like, no,

00:54:59.600 stop doing that. It's not working. And I'll even, I even have guys who just got started,

00:55:06.640 who will get me in something like catch me in something, but because they're not technical

00:55:11.140 with it, they don't know how to finish it. And I, and I'll like, look at, let's say cross-collar

00:55:14.740 choke and I'll look at, I'm like, bro, just stop for a second. Okay. I tap. You got me. Okay. Tap,

00:55:21.000 stop. And they're like, what are you? Okay. I'm like, yes, I'm okay. It's not working. You're not

00:55:27.240 doing it correctly. And all you're going to do is tie yourself out. And then I'm going to beat your

00:55:31.040 ass. Yeah. And then we're just sitting here for 20 seconds as you're like, go ahead and burn 1.00

00:55:38.280 yourself out. As you try to choke me, go ahead. Cause in 10 seconds, I'm going to sweep you and 0.99

00:55:43.720 I'm going to throw that same move on you, but I'm going to do it right. And you're going to be in a

00:55:47.760 bad position. So if it's not working, just don't do it. Just, Hey, that didn't work. Reset. Maybe I

00:55:55.900 got to move my hands. Maybe I got to go to something different. And then after class,

00:55:59.080 ask about it. Hey, Kip, you and I are rolling and I got you in that cross-collar, but it wasn't

00:56:03.780 working. What were you feeling? And you're like, Oh, your hand, your hands weren't close enough

00:56:08.340 together or whatever, or one palm was down and one was up, whatever. Okay. Then you learn,

00:56:12.640 but just, if it's not working, just don't do it. Just do something else. Yeah. It's safe to say

00:56:17.880 for the most part that if you find yourself grinding it out, right. And like gritting your teeth and

00:56:25.560 like, ah, there's something that needs to be perfected. Yes. And just assume that like you're

00:56:32.760 missing some level of technique. If it requires every, every fiber of your body to like engage

00:56:39.320 to pull it off, that's probably not the right solution. Or that thing just won't work at all.

00:56:43.700 It's not going to work. It's not a viable circumstance or the position's not right. Or, you know,

00:56:48.260 something's not right. Yeah. It's interesting. Cause you see a lot, like guys do this a lot

00:56:52.980 is we'll watch a fight or a circumstance. You're like, Oh man, if that happened, I'd punch that guy 0.74

00:57:01.020 in the face and I'd choke him. Yeah. It's like, well, let's, let's go train. And you take like very 0.99

00:57:09.260 strong, athletic, capable people. And you put them on the mats and they can't do anything.

00:57:17.840 Like you literally run circle. I've had scenarios where guys who are big and strong and athletic.

00:57:25.340 And they're like, let's go train. I'm like, yeah, I'd love to know ego. No, I don't go with an ego.

00:57:29.700 And I don't think the guys that I train with, I don't train with guys who are overly inflated

00:57:33.280 egos anyways. Cause I don't, I'm not interested in getting hurt deliberately. Um, and so we go train

00:57:38.680 and it's amazing how somebody with just two or three years of experience can subdue a bigger,

00:57:47.240 stronger, more physical man. And you just don't know how you're going to be able to respond in

00:57:54.160 these situations until you're then. And I guarantee all of us have an overinflated sense of ability

00:58:01.820 when it comes to these scenarios, movies, man, it's all by watching movies. So you watch,

00:58:07.460 you watch movies and you're like, Oh yeah, yeah, I can do that. You know, that's not going to work.

00:58:12.140 Or a guy gets punched 20 times and he still, I'm like, okay, at some point, actually after that first

00:58:17.260 hit, you're not waking up for 20 or 30 seconds. Like not, you're not getting back up and taking

00:58:22.960 10 more shots like that. Yeah. And someone's drop kicking you while you're passed out by the way.

00:58:27.440 Right. Right. Exactly. Or stabbing you. Totally. And that's the thing. Don't, don't go down.

00:58:33.720 Yeah. Yeah. Cause if you, you never know what's going to happen. If you go out,

00:58:37.900 you don't know what's going to happen. You might be dead, man. Yep. Yeah. All right. Uh, last

00:58:43.880 question. Is that all right? Sure. Yep. Let's get it. All right. Robert, uh, Nick Clemon,

00:58:48.120 some time ago, I heard you and Kip have some small discussion around accountability on the AMA.

00:58:54.740 I would like to know your thoughts on the mechanics of accountability, how men can walk it out in a

00:59:01.580 meaningful way. Thank you. And I actually am not a hundred percent positive. And so I'm bringing

00:59:07.860 this up, Ryan, because maybe other guys are wondering the same thing. I don't know what

00:59:11.320 he means by the mechanics of accountability. Uh, I, I don't, I like that. I like that term. I think

00:59:17.280 he's just talking about the structure, the process of accountability. If I had to assume, got it,

00:59:21.520 got it. Uh, here's what I would say. And I don't know what specific scenario he's talking about with,

00:59:27.660 with us. If we were talking about somebody else's or our own scenario, I don't, I don't know. Yeah.

00:59:31.920 But Kip, as I alluded to earlier, we've both had instances of needing to check each other to,

00:59:38.200 to, to, to, let me just throw this out to minor degrees. I'm not talking about, you know,

00:59:42.120 knock down, drag out fights. Like we've had just minor things that we've needed to check each other

00:59:45.840 off. Yeah. We need a course correct. Hey, let's make some adjustments here. Yep. Uh, so number one,

00:59:51.680 there has to be, uh, there has to be permission for the accountability. Now that could be expressed

00:59:59.640 or it can be implied. So expressed would be, Hey Kip, um, I really want to lose weight. I know you

01:00:04.460 said you wanted to lose some weight. And so I'd like to work out, we'll work out separately because

01:00:08.800 we're a different sides of the country, but I'm going to call you every day or you shoot me a text

01:00:12.300 and let's just hold each other accountable. That's expressed accountability, uh, expressed

01:00:16.580 accountability. Then there's implied accountability. So let's say Kip, you hired me

01:00:22.080 and I'm going to come work for your department with, with the organization. There's going to be

01:00:27.380 some expressed accountability. Hey, Ryan, this is what I expected you. There's also implied

01:00:32.900 accountability. Like you don't need to come to me and say, Hey, is it okay if I, you know, correct you

01:00:37.220 every once in a while? No, that's implied in the job. Like you're my boss. That's implied

01:00:43.220 accountability, but there has to be some measure of expressed or implied accountability for it to

01:00:49.900 work. The next thing is it has to actually be crystallized. This is what I expect of you.

01:00:58.080 Yeah. Clear metrics, right? It has to, right? If I say, Kip, we're going to record every Monday

01:01:03.540 at 11 o'clock and you show up at 1130, that's a problem, but we both know that. And guess what you

01:01:11.120 do or I do, if we're running late, Hey, right, I'm running a couple minutes late. Just got out of a

01:01:15.940 meeting. You cool with that? Yeah, I'm cool. Or you're cool. Good. Got it. Because we agreed to hold

01:01:21.020 each other accountable. The metrics are in place. We know what time we're supposed to be available.

01:01:26.180 And so those metrics need to be in place. Number three, you actually have to do it.

01:01:32.740 Yeah. Meaning that when there's a situation where you fail, and I'll just use you as an example,

01:01:38.360 Kip, where you fail to do something you said you were going to do, I have to, I am bound to hold

01:01:46.960 you accountable to it. If I don't, then that's on me. We don't have accountability. Yeah. There's

01:01:54.020 no accountability. And in fact, all I'm actually encouraging you to do is to continue that behavior.

01:02:00.360 Yeah. So I have to, I have to, and it's hard. It's really hard, especially with peers. That could

01:02:08.600 be your wife or a friend with peers. It's very difficult with a subordinate, like your children

01:02:13.720 or employee. It's not as difficult, but with a peer or even going up. And sometimes there are

01:02:19.560 situations where you would, it's very difficult to do that. Uh, I would say the last thing is just

01:02:25.500 make sure there's a process for review. So there's, there is implied or expressed authority. Uh,

01:02:32.340 the metrics are clear. I actually am holding you accountable. And then there has to be some sort

01:02:37.500 of follow-through. Hey Kip, last month, we talked about you making sure you show up for the podcast

01:02:41.580 on time. And I just want to let you know, man, I really appreciate over the last month, you showing

01:02:46.320 up and us just getting started at the right time. Has something changed? You're like, Oh no,

01:02:50.540 I just scheduled it on my schedule better. Cool. That's awesome. Let's keep it up.

01:02:53.640 Totally. Yeah. Yeah. We just call that cadence, right? Some form of cadence around the accountability

01:02:59.120 itself. This is, this is such a great conversation because I not, I wouldn't take anything away from

01:03:05.560 what you're talking about. And then there's a bunch of like stuff we could spend another hour

01:03:10.300 talking about how you can show up in a more powerful way around accountability. Right. And,

01:03:16.880 and just as like a little teaser around that is relationship. So Ryan, you might have authority,

01:03:22.600 right. And, and implied due to our position of, Hey, I hold Kip accountable because Kip worked for me,

01:03:29.080 right. In regards to the iron counts and order of man. And so it's just kind of implied, right?

01:03:34.480 However, if the intent and my relationship with Ryan is not solid, then he's a micromanaging boss. 1.00

01:03:43.680 He's a jerk driving me hard. Doesn't really, and he doesn't know what's happening in my life. Right. 0.99

01:03:48.300 And so there's so much extra things that we can make sure that we can have in place to be highly

01:03:53.620 effective in this position. Imagine holding someone accountable when you know that you both have a

01:03:59.640 unified focus around what's important and you know, that they genuinely care and believe in you,

01:04:05.780 man. Now it's, it's not, it's not micromanaging. It's coaching. It's guidance. It's,

01:04:11.380 it's inspiration that I get from Ryan, not necessarily just riding my ass because I failed to do 0.99

01:04:16.520 something. And so there's, there's so much that we can do from, from that side of the aisle to be 0.98

01:04:22.600 really effective in, in, in accountability above and beyond the mechanics, of course.

01:04:27.240 It's, it's a beautiful tie-in and I'm not sure you plan this to transition into an ask that I have

01:04:32.520 of you guys. Uh, we've got the book coming out on September 27th. It's called the masculinity manifesto.

01:04:39.200 And we're really trying to blow this one out of the water to help you guys, of course,

01:04:42.640 but also to grow the movement. Uh, and so we would love to get pre-orders from you guys

01:04:47.460 on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, wherever you pick up your books. Uh, there's going to be an electronic

01:04:52.520 copy. Uh, I'm working with, uh, an audio engineer right now to do the, the, the, uh, audio book as

01:05:00.020 well. But the subtitle of the masculinity manifesto is how a man establishes influence, credibility,

01:05:05.560 and authority. And you need to have all three, especially as it relates to accountability.

01:05:10.120 Authority is what most men are after, but believe it or not, it's the lowest tier of accountability.

01:05:16.440 Yeah. Right. Because if I have a boss who's hired me to do a job, he can dangle something over

01:05:22.200 me to get that done, which is in this job income and my job, like that's a pretty big pull.

01:05:29.280 And my friend, uh, uh, Brett Bartholomew, he's a strength and conditioning coach. He's moved into

01:05:36.500 psychological coaching and life coaching, uh, has a great book called, uh, uh, man, now it's

01:05:43.200 going to escape me conscious. Gosh, dang, I feel bad now. Conscious coaching, I think is what it's

01:05:47.380 called conscious coaching, but he talks about this framework of complacency versus commitment.

01:05:53.320 So if all you're doing is you're operating on authority. So let's say, for example, you want

01:05:58.100 your kids to clean their room. That's, that's a plea from authority. Clean your room. Why? 1.00

01:06:03.700 Because I said, so that's authority. You will get, you will get a commitment.

01:06:11.400 They will do it. Get some work done. Yeah. Or excuse me. You'll, you'll get compliance.

01:06:15.720 Excuse me. You'll get compliance. They will comply because there's a punishment, but you won't get

01:06:21.720 commitment. So instead of worrying so much about authority, instead really focus on how to build

01:06:27.900 influence with people, which is, which means that you have the ability to sway their thoughts,

01:06:33.160 beliefs, patterns, words, behaviors, actions. And the best way to do that is through building

01:06:40.600 up credibility. So when you listen to this podcast, I have to speak from a position of credibility.

01:06:47.660 And if I do, and you believe I'm a credible source of information for men, then I'm going 0.90

01:06:52.420 to be more influential with in your eyes. And then over time, I will develop authority

01:06:58.680 in your life or the other people's lives that I care about. So worry less about the authority piece

01:07:05.620 and more about the credibility piece, which leads to influence, which ultimately will lead back to

01:07:11.000 authority. That's the way to build it. Totally. Totally. And, and to your point, that's what we do

01:07:15.580 to new leaders. Oh, I'm concerned. Will people listen? Well, they won't, or they will out of authority

01:07:20.980 if you're reliant on the authority, but if you're in a position of influence now without the title,

01:07:26.920 easy transition, right? Because people already see, and they know that you're from a position of

01:07:32.800 caring about them and not necessarily through a means of control through authority.

01:07:39.800 Well, there's one way that, that new leaders make mistakes in this, that I've seen a lot is

01:07:46.140 they think that if they get liked, then they'll have a better time. But think about what we just

01:07:53.140 told you. Credibility, influence, authority. It's calling up all your, your, your workers and

01:08:00.860 saying, Hey guys, we're going to the bar. Let's get shit-faced and have a great time. 0.99

01:08:04.920 Doesn't give you credibility. 0.99

01:08:05.520 You're one of the guys, but credibility is undermined. So as a new leader, your job is

01:08:11.660 not to be liked. It's to build credibility and credibility is genuine. It's not manufactured

01:08:17.120 or fabricated. It's built through experience. It's built through knowledge. It's built through

01:08:22.720 caring about people. That's how you build up that credibility.

01:08:26.140 Yeah. That's great. Cool. All right. Go check out the masculinity manifesto,

01:08:31.520 wherever you get books, get a, a pre pre-release copy that helps. And I think that's it that I

01:08:38.120 have. Kip, do you have anything else? No, just stay connected with us, give us feedback and help us,

01:08:43.680 you know, if not through the pre-order of the book, but also connect with us on the socials,

01:08:49.020 keep the momentum going. Awesome. All right, guys, we'll be back later this week until then,

01:08:53.260 go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:08:57.360 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:09:01.900 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - July 20, 2022

The Proximity Principle, Freedom and Human Worth, and Balance is a Verb ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript