The Single Greatest Factor that Determines Your Success ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
The single greatest factor for success on any front of your life is presence. That s it, guys, at the end of the day. This is who you are, and this is what you need to do to become a better man.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.
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I am the host and the founder of the Order of Men podcast and movement. Welcome here. I know
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there's a lot of new members, a lot of new men and maybe women as well joining us, tuning in for the
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first time. Maybe you heard this from a friend or a relative or a colleague or a coworker about what
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we're doing here. If you are new, my goal is to help reclaim and restore masculinity in this society
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that seems to be, it's not even seems to be, that is, is, is increasingly dismissive and divisive
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and flat out rejects what masculinity is. A lot of people will say it's a social construct. It's not.
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It's a biological construct. It's supported societally for good reason. It works.
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And it really isn't until the relative ease of modernity, have we even been able to have the
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luxury of calling into question what it means to be a man. Everybody knows what it means to be a man.
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Marcus Aurelius said thousands of years ago, and I'm paraphrasing here, but let's not spend any more
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time debating what a good man should be and instead just be it. So you know what it means to be a good
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man. And it's my job to equip you with the tools and conversations and resources to do just that.
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And this conversation that we're going to have today is no different. We're going to talk about
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the single greatest factor that you can utilize and use in your life to produce success on the home
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front, the business front, the societal and cultural front, the battle front, wherever it is,
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you are showing up as a man. So we're going to get into that in just a minute before I do just want
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to make a very, very quick mention of my friends over at Origin and also Jocko Fuels, which is a
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incredible things. They just wrapped up a deal on a new facility in North Carolina. So it's pretty
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exciting what they're doing. If you want to support a company that's doing great things and making goods
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and services and products in the United States of America, then check out Origin, Maine and or
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Jocko Fuels, originmain.com or jockofuels.com. And regardless of what you end up doing, make sure
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you use the code order at originmain.com or jockofuels.com because when you use the code order,
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you're going to get a 10% discount when you do. All right. Support America, support my friends,
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neighbors, colleagues, and get some good products in the meantime. All right, guys,
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let's talk about what I wanted to talk with you about today. The single greatest factor for
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success on any front of your life is very simply this. And we hit on this on Wednesday's Ask Me
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Anything. So if you're not subscribed to the show, make sure you subscribe so you don't ever miss an
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Ask Me Anything, an interview, or this Friday Field Notes. And what I said is that the single greatest
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factor to success on any front is simply this, presence. That's it, guys. Presence, period,
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the end. Let's call it a day. Let's wrap things up. Good to go. Ready to go.
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Guys, you need to be present in every engagement, in every conversation, in every opportunity,
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in every moment. We spend a lot of time thinking about the future. Some of that is good. We spend
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a lot of time thinking about the past. Some of that is good. But if it comes at the expense of
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us being present in any given moment, any given circumstance, then we're leaving it on the table.
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We're not being as effective as we could be. We're not producing as well as we could. We're not
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excelling. We're not serving other people because we're so worried and focused on what's happening
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down the road, things that haven't happened yet. Or we're worried about the past, things that have
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already happened. And again, it comes at the expense of what's happening now, which is where you have
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control. You have no control over what happens in the future. You can influence it, of course,
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but you have no control over it. You have no control over what has already happened.
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You can't even influence that. What's done is done. Let's talk about being present in the moment
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as the single greatest factor to success in your life. Now, I've interviewed, I want to say,
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close to 350 incredibly successful men, warriors, scholars, athletes, New York Times bestselling authors,
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medical professionals, experts on different facets of life. And I'll tell you, every single one of them
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is extremely present. They aren't engaged in a bunch of what if and what could be. They aren't
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engaged in a bunch of what has been. They're engaged in what is happening right now. So let me
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break this down for you because as I was thinking about what I wanted to address today on this Friday
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field notes, I identified five key elements of being present in the moment and how it can serve
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you effectively. Number one, it requires focus. Now, if you think about popular culture in society,
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you are all over the place. You are scrambling. It's chaotic. You receive thousands, if not tens or
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hundreds of thousands of messages trying to get you to click here, buy here, subscribe there,
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do this, do that. I'm not out of that equation either. I'm trying to tell you to subscribe to
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the Order of Man podcast. I'm trying to get you to listen to it. Some of it's going to serve you
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well, but guys, your ability to focus is greatly diminished relative to what it was 100 years ago
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or 500 or 1,000 or 10,000 years ago because there's so much stimulus. At any given time, I could jump
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on this little device and I can get entertainment, whatever my entertainment is. If it's mindless
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information, if it's looking at beautiful women on Instagram, if it's getting lost in professional
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sporting events, whatever my thing is, it's all right here in the palm of my hand. And as much as
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that's a beautiful thing because it helps me do what I want to do, it also can become a deterrent
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to your ability to stay present and your ability to succeed in your life. You need to learn how to
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focus, which means that you need to be able to be present with yourself. You need to learn how to
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operate without listening or hearing or looking at something, anything, and you need to be calm
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and focused and in the moment. We can exercise this, but only if we're deliberate about it.
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So what I would suggest to those of you who struggle with focus is that you learn to create
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systems and processes that eliminate the distractions, the bright and shiny object that
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happens to come up every single minute, every single hour of every single day. What systems do you have
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in place? What tactics and strategies have you employed to ensure that you're focused on the
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present moment? And if you catch yourself slipping, you catch yourself getting distracted,
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you aren't weak, you aren't cowardly, you aren't pathetic, you aren't a loser,
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just catch yourself and realize that something's got to change. For me, it happens to be this device. I've
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got people texting me and emailing me and messaging me and liking things on social media and debating with
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me on things and podcast requests being accepted and being declined and emails and this and that and
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business inquiries and everything else. And sometimes I just need to shut the damn thing off
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so that I can focus on doing a podcast today with you, or I could focus on being at the lake and
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fishing with my son, or I could watch my daughter's dance recital, or I could be at jujitsu, or I could
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be engaged in building the canoe or any of the number of things that I think and have identified as being
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important. Come up with the systems and processes. But the first step to being present 100% in the
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moment is not only learning to focus, but eliminating the distractions.
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Number two, curiosity. Guys, if you're curious about life and you come with a desire to learn
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and to grow and what makes people tick and why do they think the way they think and what causes them
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to behave this way over that way and vice versa, then you're going to naturally be able to move into
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things that are interesting. Again, I've had so many people on the podcast and I'll tell you when
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the thing turned for me with the podcast and it became a very fulfilling process for me is when I
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became more curious. I wasn't so much concerned with what questions I wanted to ask or what I wanted
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to extract from them as much as it became an objective to learn, to expand, to understand,
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to be curious. And some of you guys will say, Ryan, you're a great interviewer. You ask great
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questions. And I hope that's the case. I'm trying to develop that skill, but I tell you, it's
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curiosity. I genuinely care about what makes these men tick. I genuinely care about what makes them
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successful. I genuinely am interested in their perception of current events and growth and success
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and failure and setbacks and victories and all of the stuff that comes with life. I'm genuinely curious
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about that. And because I'm curious about that, I'm totally hyper-focused and engaged in the
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conversation that's taking place. Because I'll tell you, if I wasn't curious, I'd be thinking about
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what's for dinner or what my wife wants to do tonight or what challenges my children are facing.
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And there's times where that's appropriate, but not always. And so I've learned to be present in the
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moment. I've learned to focus on the things that are important in any given moment. And I've learned to be
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very curious about, and that's a learned skill, by the way, by the way, being curious, you can develop
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that. And I am curious. And I try to look at what people do through the lens of the things that are
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important to me. And that makes me a curious person, which also, by the way, makes me an interesting
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person. So if you want to connect with people more deeply, stop worrying so much about what you want to
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portray to them and start figuring out what it is they want to share with you. And you will
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instantaneously, this is a little bonus for you, you will instantaneously become a more compelling,
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interesting, and influential person. Number three, humility. This is one I struggle with.
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When I share topics like this, I'm sharing it for you just as much as I am anybody else. I am the
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greatest beneficiary and recipient of the work that we're doing here. And guys, I will tell you, first and
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foremost, I struggle with humility. I'm prideful. I'm arrogant at times. My ego gets in the way.
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And this is all at odds with my ability to be humble, which also leads me to new information,
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new ideas, new concepts, things that will ultimately improve my life. If you act like you know it all,
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and there's nothing you can learn, and there's nothing anybody can teach you, then you have
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stunted your growth. Artificially, by the way, you have put up a wall in place that says,
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I can't get better. I can improve. I don't have the desire to. And so even if great information
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comes your way, you won't even listen to it. You won't acknowledge it. You won't recognize it because
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you think you already know everything. And I do at times. And there's certain activities that I've
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decided to participate in over the past several years, this podcast, jujitsu, other aspects of my
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life, developing new hobbies and skills and interests where humility has been thrust and forced
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upon me, which is good in a lot of ways, because if it wasn't, my default mode is I'm good. I'm special.
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I know everything. There's nothing else you can teach me. And that is flat out wrong. So if you want
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to be present in the moment, again, focus, curiosity, and that third point I just made is be humble,
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be open to learning and growth and progress and expansion. And if you are, life's going to be more
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exciting. All right, next, mastery. Guys, the amount of nihilism in popular society is disturbing.
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And people don't seem to care about as much anymore. They care about themselves. They care
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about their emotions. They care about their ego. They care about their success. But there's a level
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of nihilism that I think we're experiencing unlike any other experience or point in life. And people
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aren't, they just don't care. And there's things you shouldn't care about, by the way. Like I can't care
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about everything, but there's also things that I very deeply care about that I am the antithesis
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of nihilistic about that are so important and significant to me that I want to become the best.
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And why would you ever engage in something if you didn't want to become the best? Now, let me throw
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this disclaimer out here. Best is subjective, right? So you might say, well, Ryan, what makes you be the
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determinant of what success is? It's not. I just know what it is for me. It's not always money. Sometimes
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it is. It's not always free. Sometimes it is. It's not always being present and engaged with my family.
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Sometimes it is. But it changes. And it's going to be different for you than it is for me. So I'm
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not going to tell you what success is. In fact, let me tell you this about success. Success is
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autonomy. Period. Bottom line. That's the only answer to that question. If anybody ever gives you
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a different answer to that question, they're wrong. Because how can I determine success for you? How can
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you determine success for me? You can't. But autonomy, autonomy is the ability to do what you want,
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when you want, why you want, where you want, without any input or permission from other people.
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And isn't that success? If you want to be a Buddhist monk and you have the ability to go do that,
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then, and you do it successfully, then you're successful. That isn't the path for me. And
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that isn't the path for a lot of our listeners, but that individual is successful. What right do I have
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to say he's not? The path to success for me is growing a business and a movement to the degree
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that I can impact millions and millions of men who will impact their families and also
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simultaneously be able to lead my family effectively. And if I can't do any one of those
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things, then I'm not a success. Now it's successful now because we're meeting that. We're reaching that
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objective. That may be the right path for you and it may not, but I can't determine that for you.
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You can't determine it for me, but what it is required is the desire to be a master,
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to be master full. When I do this podcast, I want it to be the best podcast. I want to have the best
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studio. I want to have the best sounding microphone. I want to make sure that my grooming is on point
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and it's taken care of based on the message that I want to share with you, that the topics are
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relevant, that I'm a great conversationalist. So you actually want to listen, that I'm have the
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ability to ask great questions. I'm pouring over the details of this stuff. And because I'm pouring
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over the details, I'm very present in the moment. I don't have a lot of time to be distracted with
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all the other bullcrap that comes up with life because I'm like, no, I want to be at the best
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of this. So is that going to help me do this? No, I don't want it. Yes. Cool. Let's talk about it.
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Mastery. It's really, really pathetic and saddening in society today when we look at products that are
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just cheaply made systems that haven't been thought out, conversations that aren't articulated well.
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These aren't masters. They're just consumers and they're just throwing a bunch of crap on the wall
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and seeing what sticks. So people will buy it and consume it. And to me, that is not a sustaining
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way of life. And it doesn't lead to you being present, which ultimately leads to your intended
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success and results. And guys, the last thing I want to share with you here, and this is very,
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very important because everybody has an opinion. Everybody has insight. Everybody has ideas and
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concepts and things that they think are important. But here's what I'm going to tell you is your
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ability to be as objective as possible is crucial. We all have biases. We all have opinions. We all
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have lenses in which we view life and that's good. We should have that. I'm not telling you not to
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your experiences, create your reality and how you respond to the situation in front of you. But guys,
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let's work on our objectivity. Maybe that person who you would normally interpret as being a dick
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or coming after you really isn't, but they're just sharing an alternative perspective.
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Maybe the person that you disagree with isn't an idiot and instead might have something insightful
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to share, even if it's just a little fragment of what that individual shared with you. And
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there's something that you can learn there. There's a book that we're studying next month in
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The Iron Council called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I believe. I'm drawing a blank right
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now. Is that right? I believe that's right. Don Miguel Ruiz. And it's called The Four Agreements.
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And one of his agreements is, and I'm paraphrasing, but not to take anything personally.
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What if you did that? What if your boss gave you a critique
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about your work performance over the past quarter, over the past year? And instead of getting defensive
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and letting the ego get in the way, you just looked at it objectively and tried to strip the personal
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opinions out of it and the emotions and feelings and said, you know, is this right? Is this accurate?
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Is there something to be learned from this? I don't like when people challenge me necessarily.
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That's not an easy thing for people to do. And some people say, well, I love challenge. No, you don't.
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No, you don't. You might, you might embrace it. You might've put a healthy spin on it,
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but come on, nobody likes to be challenged. And yet we need to learn to be challenged and we need to
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learn to look at things, whether it's feedback or about our own performance, the way that we look
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or the way that we show up or the things that we're doing. And we need to look at that objectively.
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Here's a great way to do that. If that advice was instead of being given to you, was given to a
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neighbor, would it be accurate? Would you interpret it as accurate? That's a great exercise. If instead
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of this guy challenging me, if he was challenging Joe over there, whose side would I be on?
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Maybe you'd be on the side of the guy who's critiquing you. And it's your own personal
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emotions and baggage getting in the way of progress and expansion and growth and
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presence and ultimate success. Let's not take things personally, even if they're intended to
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be personal. I mean, you're going to make stuff up about the way that things are intended.
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And we don't know because we're assuming we're filling in the blank. So we don't know.
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So we're going to make up a bunch of stuff about the way things are intended. Well,
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let's just assume if we're going to make stuff up, let's just assume that people are,
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are good hearted and that they want to serve us. And that maybe in spite of their delivery method,
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inadequate delivery method, that they have things that might be valuable to listen to.
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This requires a lot of humility and it's not easy, of course, simple, very simple. It's not easy,
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but if you want success in your life, this is what you'll do. And again, after interviewing over 350,
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very, very successful men, I can tell you that every single one of them is present to what they're
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doing, is present towards their mission. They're focused, hyper-focused on what they want. Sometimes
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to the extreme, even obsessive, but they're hyper-focused on what they want to do. They're
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very curious about what makes other individuals tick, how they can succeed at a greater level.
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They're humble. They're open and receptive to new information and new learning. They ask great
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questions because they're curious about growth. They want to be masterful. They're focused on the
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concept of mastery. They want to improve. They want to get better. They want to be the best. You know,
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you think about my podcast I did with Tim Grover a month and a half or so ago. And if you don't know
00:21:03.800
who he is, he's got the book Relentless and Winning. And I think a couple others, he personally
00:21:10.020
coached Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant and I believe Dwayne Wade and some of these other incredible
00:21:14.780
athletes at the pinnacle of their game. And, you know, he talks about these guys wanting to be
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masterful and thrusting themselves into everything they could to accomplish that. And number five is
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being objective. Your emotions, your baggage, your lens is clouding your judgment. And I'm not pointing
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as much fingers as I am at you, as I am at me too. My emotions, my baggage, my lens is clouding my
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judgment. And I need to learn to be as objective as possible by engaging in a couple of different
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exercises. One of which I said to you was to assume that somebody was giving advice to somebody else.
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And what would you think about that advice if they were giving it to somebody else? Because that will
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take some of your baggage out of the way. And by the way, there's, there's another feature.
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There's another opportunity here. And that is to get around other men who can help you with that.
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They can help you focus. They can ask you great questions about your curiosity. They can help humble
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you through their great questions and their challenges. They can challenge you to be masterful,
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to improve a skill set, and they can help you with the objectivity as well by challenging you and asking
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you questions and really causing you to do a deep dive into who you are. And that resource that we have
00:22:29.680
available is called the Iron Council. It's our exclusive brotherhood. There's almost 900 members
00:22:35.220
of our Iron Council right now. And if you want to join us and participate in the brotherhood,
00:22:39.620
the camaraderie, the network, and the accountability that comes with it, then the Iron Council is a great
00:22:46.700
resource for you, which you can learn more at orderofman.com slash Iron Council. Guys, ultimately,
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I want you to be present. I want you to succeed. I know presence is what it takes. Whenever I've
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succeeded in my life, it's because I've been present in the moment. Whenever I've failed,
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it's because I've been distracted and tempted to engage in something else that isn't going to serve
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me and the people I care about well. So focus, curiosity, humility, mastery, objectivity are your
00:23:14.120
path to presence, which is your path to success. Try it out. Let me know how it's going. Join us in the
00:23:20.020
Iron Council, orderofman.com slash Iron Council. Connect with me on the socials, Facebook, Twitter,
00:23:25.340
Instagram, all at Ryan Michler, M-I-C-H-L-E-R. Let's keep the conversations going. Gentlemen,
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we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there, take action, be present, and become the man you
00:23:40.040
are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of
00:23:45.280
your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.