Order of Man - The Single Greatest Factor to Success, Separating Emotion and Response, 3 Ways to Develop Personal Responsibility in Kids ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.460 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.680 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.800 Kip, what's up, man? Good to see you. This is take two because we had a little bit of technical difficulty on the first take.

00:00:29.300 But we're trying to salvage your guys' earbuds, so I had to have Mr. Loudmouth over here turn down his microphone so he wouldn't blow out your eardrums.

00:00:38.020 Yeah, Ryan asked me to just talk.

00:00:40.460 Well, that's it. That's a sexy, soft voice there, Kip.

00:00:44.280 I'm a little worried some of the guys are going to get turned on with that voice.

00:00:48.520 The numbers just went up.

00:00:51.880 No, they just plummeted.

00:00:53.240 But, okay.

00:00:55.120 Well, it's good to see you, man. I know you're on a bit of a time crunch.

00:00:57.840 School's just getting started.

00:00:59.980 I wouldn't know because we homeschool.

00:01:02.440 So, when other people say it's time to start school, I'm like, oh, yeah, we probably ought to consider that.

00:01:08.400 Yeah. Do you guys take a break for summer, though, or do you go year-round?

00:01:13.820 We've taken a break for summer the last two years.

00:01:16.720 And we like doing it like that because summer is so beautiful here.

00:01:21.240 But, you know, I feel like the way that we've done our schooling, it's just school all the time.

00:01:27.940 You know, so Brecken, for example, this afternoon is we caught some bass last night.

00:01:33.480 We went fishing and caught some bass.

00:01:34.840 And he's like, I want to cook these.

00:01:35.980 I'm like, cool. I don't know how to cook fish.

00:01:37.380 So, he spent most of the morning doing YouTube and figuring it out.

00:01:41.800 Now, he just built a fire outside and put a little grill down.

00:01:44.440 So, that's what he's having for lunch.

00:01:46.220 We went to D.C. three or so weeks ago.

00:01:49.440 We got a tour, a personalized tour from Representative Cawthorn around the Capitol building

00:01:55.600 and saw things that most of the public doesn't get to see.

00:02:00.140 So, that's a cool opportunity.

00:02:01.800 They went to Boston last year, I think, and each of the kids had to come up with some insights

00:02:08.260 and ideas or a person they had to research and study and then tell us about as we were on our trip.

00:02:13.900 So, there's so many opportunities.

00:02:16.080 I realize we're in a unique position.

00:02:18.560 We have some advantages there, but school is always in session for us, it seems like.

00:02:23.420 Yeah. Yeah. Copy.

00:02:24.920 So, I have a question for you before we get into these questions.

00:02:27.580 Either way, we have Emerging Camp next week, so it's a busy week.

00:02:31.880 We'll get right into questions, but I think this is a good question and someone probably

00:02:35.280 would have asked if we asked, but wanted to get your opinion on the latest events in Afghanistan.

00:02:41.420 Like, being a veteran that fought over there, I don't know.

00:02:45.940 I'm assuming it feels different than it would for a civilian, right?

00:02:50.740 Like, I don't know, like, it's a risk and, you know, individuals that you fought a war

00:02:57.600 and to see the Afghan capital taken back is, I don't know, I'm assuming this is a bittersweet,

00:03:04.700 like, it's a bitter scenario.

00:03:06.660 I didn't spend any time in Afghanistan.

00:03:09.880 So, anything that I would say about it, you should take with a grain of salt.

00:03:13.100 Uh, there's people in my circle, uh, who have, obviously when you have Navy SEALs and SEAL

00:03:19.820 commanders and special forces guys and Tim Kennedy and Evan Hafer and Jocko, and just like the

00:03:25.720 guys that fortunately I've had the opportunity to talk with that probably are a bit more qualified

00:03:30.220 to talk about it than, than I am.

00:03:32.220 Uh, but I can tell you in the Gulf war, one thing that we did just through experience and

00:03:37.300 hearing stories about this directly from the source is that the Kurdish people were trying

00:03:42.020 to create their own country, uh, because they were under the rule of Iraqi and Saddam Hussein.

00:03:50.020 So basically what they interpreted as us doing in the first Gulf war was that we basically

00:03:57.360 went in there and we stirred up the hornet's nest and then we left and said, see ya.

00:04:02.660 And the Kurds got slaughtered.

00:04:04.640 Yeah.

00:04:05.340 And so when we came back and this is, this is what I, when I served in 2005 and 2006,

00:04:11.260 the Kurds were very hesitant because they thought, well, they're going to do the same thing.

00:04:15.320 You know, they're going to come in here, stir up the hornet's nest, you know, kick,

00:04:19.100 kick and poke the bear.

00:04:20.140 And then once the bears are all pissed off and riled up, they're just going to leave.

00:04:24.000 And that's kind of what we did now.

00:04:26.160 That's exactly what's taking place in Afghanistan.

00:04:29.960 We go in there, we have our presence and our, our, our forces known.

00:04:33.680 Uh, and then we get everybody riled up and pissed off and then we leave and create this huge

00:04:38.420 vacuum for, uh, Al Qaeda and, and, and, uh, terrorist forces to now basically take over

00:04:45.700 the country of Afghanistan.

00:04:48.280 So I'm, I'm torn on this because I don't think that the U S should be fighting in all the wars

00:04:56.680 that we fight in.

00:04:57.400 I don't think there's a reason for us to be in those positions.

00:05:01.200 Uh, I would not like to see our brothers and sisters die for no reason.

00:05:06.560 Now being in Iraq, I saw that there was a lot of people in Iraq who, um, they wanted help

00:05:12.020 and they needed help.

00:05:12.880 And so part of our mission while we were there was to train, uh, Iraqi police forces and they

00:05:19.080 wanted help and they wanted to step up.

00:05:20.640 I talked with Iraqi interpreters who were quite literally not only risking their lives, but

00:05:26.260 the lives of their families just by talking with us and communicating with us and helping

00:05:30.500 us.

00:05:32.100 So that's, that's exactly what's going to be happening in Afghanistan.

00:05:35.660 And it's, it's really unfortunate.

00:05:37.420 So on one hand, I say, I don't think we need to be involved in all of these conflicts and

00:05:42.540 wars that have nothing to do with us.

00:05:44.080 On the other hand, you know, do we have an obligation as righteous, moral, and capable people?

00:05:49.880 And that's what we talk about here on this podcast on a micro level between our, us as

00:05:53.600 men and our families and communities, but do we have obligation or responsibility to

00:05:57.700 help where needed?

00:05:58.420 I think to a degree, yes, we do.

00:06:01.260 There's also another thing here is that if we are going to get into a conflict, what I

00:06:05.300 would like to see, and I think most of America would agree with us is that it ought to be something

00:06:11.060 that we can define as a path and a road to victory.

00:06:14.380 Like what is the point and how will we know when we get there?

00:06:17.880 And if we don't know, right.

00:06:19.860 And if we don't know what it is, then perhaps we shouldn't get involved.

00:06:22.960 So those are my feelings a little bit on the, whether or not we shouldn't be involved.

00:06:28.480 The second part of this question is, or scenario is we're already involved.

00:06:35.080 So that ship has sailed, like we're involved.

00:06:37.520 So to what degree do we stay involved?

00:06:40.340 Yeah.

00:06:40.500 Now, what is the right reason to stay involved?

00:06:42.940 That's right.

00:06:43.460 And, and so I knew this would happen.

00:06:46.140 I knew this would happen.

00:06:47.520 And I'm sure other people did as well that are screaming at the podcast right now.

00:06:51.220 Cause they knew it too.

00:06:53.120 Our president decided to withdraw what 3,500 troops.

00:06:57.760 Don't, don't quote me on that, but thousands of troops out of, out of Afghanistan.

00:07:01.380 And I knew as soon as that happened, that within a matter of days, we would be going back in

00:07:08.820 and we would be sending thousands of troops for humanitarian missions to, uh, take anybody

00:07:15.340 that we needed to take that maybe we left behind, like in the embassies and, and diplomats

00:07:19.640 and things like that.

00:07:20.600 And that's exactly what happened.

00:07:22.520 And so we pull out 3,500 troops, we send back in what 3,000 troops, what are we doing?

00:07:31.200 So we basically left, allowed the Taliban to create this stronghold and to get control

00:07:36.360 of these major strategic cities in Afghanistan, only to come back in where they're more embedded.

00:07:43.660 They have more access to our weaponry, including Black Hawk helicopters.

00:07:47.520 If I understand that correctly, and thousands and thousands of firearms, $80 billion or something

00:07:53.420 like that, that we spent on training Afghan security forces that have now basically been

00:07:58.700 relinquished to Taliban and Al Qaeda forces.

00:08:02.700 Like this is a horrible, horrible situation.

00:08:06.460 Um, there isn't a single answer where I say, no, I'm good.

00:08:09.220 Like, I'm glad we're, we're not there.

00:08:11.620 I don't, I don't know, man.

00:08:12.960 Like I'm going to continue to watch it and let it unfold and try to see it from both sides

00:08:16.960 of the aisle, but we're there.

00:08:18.700 And what's going to happen now with our vacuum since we left is we're going to create a lot

00:08:24.320 of problems for terror cells to gain strong footholds, to get a gather additional, uh,

00:08:30.320 recruiting, uh, recruiting efforts, uh, weapons strategy finances.

00:08:38.020 And we're going to have to continue to fight this down the road.

00:08:40.680 So I think basically what we did is we just kicked the can down the road only to a position

00:08:44.820 where it's going to get worse.

00:08:45.800 And then we're going to lose thousands and thousands of our brothers and sisters who

00:08:49.180 then go back over there to fight for these politicians who have horrible, horrible ideas,

00:08:54.280 horrible, horrible, uh, foreign relations issues.

00:08:57.500 And look, I know a lot of people don't like Trump, but he was getting peace deals done in

00:09:03.760 the middle East.

00:09:05.700 Now we can talk about how brash he is.

00:09:07.640 We can talk about how unlikable of a person he is.

00:09:10.760 You can talk about all of that stuff.

00:09:12.120 And I agree with some of that, but he was getting peace deals done in North and South

00:09:16.760 Korea.

00:09:17.420 He was getting peace deals done in the middle East.

00:09:20.580 People have been fighting literally for thousands of years.

00:09:23.380 We're agreeing to be peaceful.

00:09:26.460 That's, that's something to consider.

00:09:29.240 You know, it's man, there's a lot to talk about and unpack there, but those are my two

00:09:35.180 cents for what they're worth.

00:09:36.260 Yeah, man.

00:09:37.100 Thanks.

00:09:37.640 I'm sure.

00:09:37.940 I just think now we have, we have an obligation to like, we're there, we're already there.

00:09:43.280 We can't, I just, it's, it's horrible.

00:09:46.300 It's unthinkable to see that we just leave.

00:09:48.200 And, and you know what, when, when, when bad people are allowed to exist, it only gets worse.

00:09:54.720 I'll leave it there.

00:09:55.500 When bad people are allowed to exist, it only gets worse.

00:09:59.420 And there's some people who can't defend themselves.

00:10:03.160 Yeah.

00:10:03.720 Yeah.

00:10:05.160 All right.

00:10:06.140 Our first question.

00:10:07.260 So we're, we're filling the rest of these questions today, probably mostly from Facebook,

00:10:11.220 from our Facebook group to join us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of

00:10:16.440 man.

00:10:16.760 First question, Joseph D Roma.

00:10:19.180 Uh, Joseph's question is what healthy ways can men, uh, healthy ways men can process sadness

00:10:26.980 without feeling weak.

00:10:28.520 How do we process sadness without feeling weak?

00:10:33.020 So I think we talked about this.

00:10:34.900 There's, there's emotions and there's your response.

00:10:37.340 So your emotions don't define you as strong or weak or any of those attributes.

00:10:44.000 That's your interpretation.

00:10:45.300 Yeah.

00:10:45.780 Well, no, it's just an emotion.

00:10:46.900 It's not, it doesn't just cause you're sad.

00:10:49.640 Does that inherently make you weak? 0.97

00:10:52.240 No, that's, that's actually a ridiculous thought. 0.98

00:10:55.880 Like anybody who would say that that is the case is, is horribly misguided.

00:11:01.020 So guys, if you're sad, you're not weak.

00:11:05.120 If, if you're angry, you're not weak.

00:11:08.380 Where do you think that comes from Ryan?

00:11:10.220 Like what's the psychology?

00:11:12.040 Do you think that, because, you know, I think a lot of us could read that question, whether

00:11:16.400 we agree with it or not and go, oh yeah, I could see, right?

00:11:18.920 Like I could see where a lot of guys might interpret sadness as, as a form of weakness.

00:11:24.920 Well, weakness is, weakness is an act, is an action or maybe an action that wasn't taken

00:11:32.940 that that's weakness, right?

00:11:34.760 So it's not just the fact that you feel a certain way about something.

00:11:37.600 It's how you respond to it.

00:11:38.820 So where does it come from?

00:11:39.720 It comes from the idea that people have conflated emotion with response, right?

00:11:46.940 So what do guys do when they get, when they get really, really angry?

00:11:50.060 Well, immature men will punch a wall or hit somebody or violently act and lash out.

00:11:55.500 Like that's what my boys will do that, right?

00:11:57.780 Yeah.

00:11:58.220 They'll, they'll punch their brother because they're mad at something that's probably not 0.73

00:12:02.280 really worth being mad about.

00:12:03.460 And yet they're angry.

00:12:05.380 They're like, well, I was angry.

00:12:06.780 Okay.

00:12:07.160 But what does that have to do with you punching your brother?

00:12:10.920 Well, it's just angry.

00:12:12.180 Okay.

00:12:12.560 Again, they're different.

00:12:13.640 You can be angry.

00:12:14.520 I don't tell my kids they shouldn't be angry.

00:12:17.200 Help me understand.

00:12:18.040 So you're angry.

00:12:18.560 What are you angry about?

00:12:19.280 Okay.

00:12:19.560 Well, why does that upset you?

00:12:20.700 And we work through that anger so that we can have positive responses to the anger.

00:12:25.500 So this gentleman's question, I think his name is Joseph.

00:12:28.160 What can I do about my sadness and not be weak?

00:12:31.660 Don't respond with weakness.

00:12:35.380 So you can be sad and maybe you're upset about the loss of a loved one, or maybe you're going

00:12:44.180 through a separation or a divorce, or you lost a job, or there's a lot of things to be sad

00:12:48.120 about.

00:12:48.440 You know, I'm sad too, on occasion when, when the situation warrants it, but what I don't

00:12:54.980 do is I don't wallow in my own self-pity.

00:12:56.840 Now that might be considered a form of weakness, which, which, but wallowing in your own self-pity

00:13:02.020 is really a lack of action, right?

00:13:03.620 Like in most cases, you're not doing anything about it, right?

00:13:06.360 You're just sorry for yourself.

00:13:08.140 Or it's the wrong action. 0.99

00:13:09.400 Like somebody who's wallowing in their own self-pity might decide to go get shit-faced 1.00

00:13:13.380 this afternoon and get drunk and do dumb things. 0.97

00:13:17.360 So it's not, it could be a lack of action or it could be an action in the wrong direction,

00:13:22.080 a response, an inappropriate response.

00:13:24.780 So emotion, sad.

00:13:28.580 Now, what are you going to do about it?

00:13:30.120 If you're going to act weak, then yes, it's weakness.

00:13:35.260 The emotion isn't weakness.

00:13:36.400 Your response is weakness.

00:13:38.120 If on the other hand, you say, I'm sad.

00:13:40.460 And because I'm sad, I'm going to take some time for myself.

00:13:44.920 I'm going to recharge.

00:13:46.320 I'm going to engage in a new hobby or pursuit.

00:13:48.520 I'm going to learn something.

00:13:49.580 I'm going to sleep.

00:13:50.320 Maybe I need some sleep or maybe I need a vacation.

00:13:52.160 Neither of those are wrong when appropriate again.

00:13:55.060 And so you handle it correctly and that doesn't make you weak.

00:13:59.420 It actually gives you the ability to get through the emotion that you're currently experiencing.

00:14:05.180 So if you're angry, what are you going to do about it?

00:14:07.120 Don't punch the wall.

00:14:08.480 Maybe you just need to have a conversation with somebody, or maybe you need to set up a

00:14:11.980 boundary.

00:14:12.420 If you're sad, maybe you need to disengage for the weekend and contemplate your life or read

00:14:17.480 something uplifting or call a friend who encourages you and uplifts you.

00:14:22.160 Or you need to be productive.

00:14:24.440 Weakness is the response to the emotion, not the emotion itself.

00:14:29.860 Got it.

00:14:30.500 Got it.

00:14:31.120 I like it.

00:14:32.260 Josh Yoder, you have talked about rendering ourselves obsolete when we raise our sons.

00:14:38.440 What are three areas of focus for us men to look at to help us transition through that

00:14:43.200 process?

00:14:44.780 Moving out.

00:14:45.100 Do you think he's asking about him?

00:14:47.400 Maybe you didn't finish the question.

00:14:48.960 Okay.

00:14:49.100 Like, well, yeah, no, he was just going to use an example, right?

00:14:51.800 Moving out of the house, you know, he has a son turning 18.

00:14:55.640 Yeah.

00:14:55.900 Right.

00:14:56.380 Yeah.

00:14:56.880 So I didn't know if he was referring to what can he do for himself or to get over that

00:15:05.480 idea.

00:15:05.860 Or if he's referring to what can he do to equip his children so that they're capable and

00:15:11.120 he can render himself obsolete.

00:15:12.960 I'm assuming it's the focus on the children to get them in a position, you know, and in

00:15:17.940 his particular, right.

00:15:19.440 He's kind of, you know, his back's against the wall, right.

00:15:22.440 With an 18 year old, you know what I mean?

00:15:24.260 Coming up pretty soon.

00:15:25.280 So, but yeah, maybe three strategies or areas of focus is kind of his particular question

00:15:30.940 there.

00:15:31.800 Yeah.

00:15:32.420 So I'm just writing these down because I don't want to forget because a couple of

00:15:35.960 things came up as, as we were talking about that.

00:15:38.700 Yeah.

00:15:38.900 And as you're writing that down, I actually like the fact that like areas of focus, right?

00:15:44.040 Like, you know, is, is there a, you know, is there, could you break this down, right?

00:15:48.500 Is this a future Friday field notes where you could break this down and it's like, okay,

00:15:52.480 what, you know, tactics around the emotional side, right?

00:15:56.300 Because, you know, they need to be emotionally independent and maybe, you know, fiscally

00:16:01.340 and you could focus on goal setting and you know what I mean?

00:16:04.080 Spiritually or whatever, right.

00:16:05.180 Is there, maybe there's some strategy there, but.

00:16:07.840 So what I decided to do, yeah, I think you're, you're hitting on it.

00:16:10.820 Is as I wrote this stuff down, as I was considering this question is there's really only one thing

00:16:15.860 you need to teach your children and that's personal responsibility.

00:16:19.720 That's really all it is.

00:16:21.400 That's just, I like that actually.

00:16:23.240 Yeah.

00:16:23.660 But let's break it down even further than that, but it's all.

00:16:26.300 Under the umbrella of personal responsibility.

00:16:28.260 If you can teach your kids personal responsibility, then they're, they're going to be able to handle

00:16:32.700 whatever comes their way.

00:16:34.160 And it's not always going to be rainbows and sunshine.

00:16:36.340 Like it's going to be some, some difficult choices and circumstances, but again, you give

00:16:40.960 them personal responsibility.

00:16:42.160 They know how to handle all of that stuff.

00:16:44.280 Let me, let me ask you this.

00:16:45.260 So you have a six-year-old, you know, you're sitting down, you know, our brother's listening

00:16:50.320 to this podcast and he's like personal responsibility sits down with his six-year-old and says,

00:16:53.740 all right, you need to focus on personal responsibility.

00:16:57.000 And his son goes, what do you mean?

00:16:58.980 What's personal responsibility?

00:17:00.680 What does that look like?

00:17:01.760 Like what, what is, what is a child's or a teenager's definition of personal responsibility?

00:17:08.160 Yeah.

00:17:08.600 Look, I don't know if I would, I mean, yeah, you want to have that conversation, but I don't

00:17:12.640 think you need to have a conversation.

00:17:14.420 Like, like, uh, you know, like the birds and the bees when, when they say, well, where

00:17:19.100 do babies come from? 0.99

00:17:20.120 And then you have to explain, well, the penis goes in the vagina and like, you don't have 1.00

00:17:23.620 to do that. 1.00

00:17:24.120 Right.

00:17:24.660 You, you mean just having one conversation with them is not sufficient for them to be

00:17:28.300 kind of independent.

00:17:29.060 Okay.

00:17:29.820 Okay.

00:17:30.780 So, and you don't even need to frame it as personal responsibility.

00:17:34.080 Like personal responsibility is this.

00:17:36.060 My children are learning personal responsibility through lessons and conversations and experiences

00:17:41.200 that we're having, and they may not even know they're learning personal responsibility.

00:17:46.220 This is just the way Micklers behave like life lesson.

00:17:49.240 Yeah.

00:17:49.500 In fact, that's one of the things that we say is I say this quite often.

00:17:53.500 Micklers do dot, dot, dot. 1.00

00:17:55.600 That's not how Micklers behave like that.

00:17:58.540 Those are phrases that we use around here because we have a culture for our family in the

00:18:01.760 way that we engage and show up.

00:18:02.940 And a lot of that has to do with personal responsibility.

00:18:05.480 So let's break this down even further.

00:18:08.160 Here's, here's three things that you need to consider when you're teaching your

00:18:11.020 children or anybody, even employees and whoever you deal with, uh, how to handle personal

00:18:15.940 responsibility.

00:18:16.400 Number one is you have to be completely truthful with those people.

00:18:19.880 So we'll just talk about in the context of your children, because that's the question,

00:18:22.860 but you have to be completely truthful with your kids.

00:18:25.340 Like you can't hide things from them.

00:18:27.680 You can't shelter them from conversations.

00:18:31.080 Uh, you can't shelter them from experiences.

00:18:33.340 If they ask about drugs or alcohol or pornography or homosexuality or trans issues, which is a big

00:18:39.500 thing or critical race theory.

00:18:40.700 And you're like, I don't want to have this conversation.

00:18:42.980 Well, then you're not being truthful with your children and you're not equipping them

00:18:46.900 with the ability to see as many sides of the equation that they can so that they can make

00:18:51.320 informed decisions.

00:18:52.280 That's what we want for our children.

00:18:54.060 So if I never talked to my children about sex, when my son gets into college, he's going

00:19:00.700 to see some attractive ladies and you know, he's going to want to go do his thing. 0.94

00:19:04.540 And that's a natural urge.

00:19:05.560 I understand it. 0.99

00:19:06.320 But if I've never taught him why maybe you shouldn't just go bang every woman that you 1.00

00:19:12.200 see, and instead, maybe there's a level of respect for her and a level of respect for

00:19:16.560 yourself where you aren't engaged in that type of behavior.

00:19:19.700 And we've had conversations like this.

00:19:22.140 Now he hopefully will make a better decision based on all of that information.

00:19:27.100 So that's number one, completely truthful, transparent, sharing everything that you possibly

00:19:31.820 can as appropriate.

00:19:32.900 I'm not going to have the same conversation with my five-year-old that I will with my

00:19:36.180 13-year-old, but then the next point comes into play.

00:19:38.980 So this is point number two.

00:19:39.920 And this is what people will say is, you know, let's say, well, children still get to make

00:19:43.520 their own decisions.

00:19:44.480 Yes, that's a hundred percent right.

00:19:46.900 And you know what?

00:19:48.120 You have to allow them to, you have to allow them to again, within reason, my, my oldest

00:19:54.780 is 13 years old.

00:19:55.980 I'm not going to go out and let him do willy nilly, whatever he wants.

00:19:59.020 There's some constraints there, but I give them a little bit of room to make some choices,

00:20:04.300 good and bad choices.

00:20:05.740 And I have to be okay with that.

00:20:07.520 So point number two is that you need to give them some autonomy and some agency over their

00:20:12.380 own life.

00:20:13.020 And as they get older, you give them more and more and more and more.

00:20:17.580 It's like the, uh, you know, the preacher's daughter, right.

00:20:20.680 Who never, who never was able to do anything.

00:20:23.180 And the preacher just like had all these rules and restrictions.

00:20:26.120 And then she lost her mind when she got out of the house.

00:20:28.260 She met me.

00:20:29.080 That's right.

00:20:30.040 Yep.

00:20:30.800 We got a nickname for you that in there somewhere, I'm going to, I'm going to have to, maybe

00:20:35.020 you guys can let us know what that is.

00:20:37.900 That's weird Kip.

00:20:39.020 Okay.

00:20:39.760 So, uh, now I'm off track here thinking about the preacher's daughter.

00:20:44.440 No, you, you and the preacher's daughter, which is even worse.

00:20:49.100 I'm not saying anything to your wife about you and the preacher's daughter and how that

00:20:52.740 distracted you during the podcast.

00:20:55.100 But that's right.

00:20:57.740 Uh, so anyways, you need, you need to give them autonomy and agency and, and trust that

00:21:02.600 they're going to make good decisions.

00:21:03.560 And then when they don't, and here's point number three, you have to administer or allow

00:21:07.580 consequences to happen.

00:21:08.800 If my children, for example, are at school and, uh, they do something they shouldn't be doing.

00:21:14.440 Uh, then I can't go in and rescue my child.

00:21:20.700 I can't say, well, you know, that's like, again, they have to feel the weight of their

00:21:25.280 decisions positively and negatively.

00:21:26.780 If they're playing on the sports team and they lose their starting position, I can't

00:21:31.500 go to the coach and, you know, say, well, you know, just like get, take it easy on him.

00:21:35.840 And he's my kid.

00:21:36.680 And we're going to put them on a different team.

00:21:38.100 Well, what are you going to teach the child?

00:21:39.660 If you do that instead, you should, you should honor that again, within reason, you guys

00:21:44.440 all know what I'm saying.

00:21:45.500 If it's, if it's somebody who's being inappropriate or, you know, my kid is defending somebody at

00:21:51.040 school and gets into a fist fight with something, like, I'm not going to be mad about that.

00:21:53.840 Cause he's doing the right thing, but you guys understand what I'm saying.

00:21:56.780 So don't twist the point I'm making here.

00:22:00.000 Okay.

00:22:00.600 Cause some of you will, well, you know, like some situations.

00:22:03.620 Yes.

00:22:04.340 Some situations you're the parent, you make the decision, but ultimately it's three things.

00:22:10.020 Truthfulness, autonomy, and agency and personal consequences.

00:22:15.120 If you keep that in mind and, and you use those three metrics over the course of 18 years,

00:22:22.660 they're going to learn personal responsibility and they're going to have a much stronger likelihood

00:22:27.440 of success in their lives.

00:22:28.580 And they're not going to need you around.

00:22:30.380 They'll want you around hopefully, cause you've done it right, but they won't need to rely

00:22:33.760 on you for everything.

00:22:34.880 It's like my relationship with my mother.

00:22:36.280 She did a great job at this. 1.00

00:22:38.540 And I like, I like to have conversations with my mom.

00:22:42.300 I like to visit my mom.

00:22:43.500 I like to have her out and visit me and visit my wife and my children.

00:22:46.640 I love that, but I don't need to call her because I can't make the car payment.

00:22:50.400 Like I don't need her to call her.

00:22:53.320 Cause I, I, I, I need help with like my business.

00:22:56.800 And like, I don't need that from her because she did a good enough job explaining what I

00:23:01.520 just shared with you that we still have a great relationship, but there isn't a lot

00:23:04.940 of need there in that same, in that, in that way.

00:23:08.100 So let me ask you this.

00:23:09.780 All the, all three of those items, Ryan are uncomfortable as a parent.

00:23:15.120 Totally.

00:23:15.700 Go.

00:23:16.140 They all go against the natural thing that you will want to do.

00:23:20.880 You're like, I don't want to give them freedom.

00:23:22.760 They don't know what they're going to do. 0.98

00:23:23.860 They're going to make shit up or they're going to break stuff or they're going to, you know, 0.98

00:23:27.640 they're going to make things worse for themselves. 0.99

00:23:29.200 And then when they do make a mistake, they'll feel sad.

00:23:32.340 And we'll take sad as, well, they learn their lesson.

00:23:36.100 They feel sad about it.

00:23:37.700 So now I'm going to swoop in and take the rest of the consequences from.

00:23:41.920 So, so, cause they learned cause they feel sad, you know, and, and I have the perfect

00:23:46.520 example of this.

00:23:47.300 And I used to, and I used to remember, I, I, I used to think it back at my parents is,

00:23:52.460 you know, they give me way too much freedom and they let me crash and burn.

00:23:58.460 And I remember even thinking negative about it in hindsight.

00:24:02.340 Some of those moments are like yesterday.

00:24:04.780 They were defining moments in my life that like ingrained because they let me burn and

00:24:12.700 you know, burn in a, in a, in a, you know, I, my life wasn't at risk or anything, you

00:24:17.440 know what I mean?

00:24:17.800 But they let me really make some serious mistakes, you know?

00:24:20.900 And, and one that comes to mind that was like, you know, as an example that I think might

00:24:24.820 be beneficial for people to hear is so in high school, I, I DJed, I actually had like

00:24:29.480 my own sound equipment.

00:24:30.480 And I did all the high school dances, dude, you're going to get all kinds of nicknames.

00:24:34.920 Yeah.

00:24:35.500 Preacher's daughter.

00:24:36.380 Yeah.

00:24:36.840 I was joking.

00:24:38.000 So, but regardless, right.

00:24:39.660 It was a cool gig, right?

00:24:41.120 Like I got to play the music I wanted.

00:24:43.000 I, I made a couple hundred bucks at the high school dances.

00:24:45.700 Like it was great.

00:24:47.260 Like it was a good deal.

00:24:48.320 And I remember I was putting a dance on and I thought I'd do my own promotion.

00:24:54.000 I was going to rent this Elks Lodge.

00:24:56.620 I was going to do my own flyers.

00:24:58.900 You know what I mean?

00:24:59.520 Not officially like someone wasn't hiring me, right?

00:25:02.020 I was fronting my own cash.

00:25:04.200 And right before, like months before, a month before that dance, another DJ saying, Hey,

00:25:09.700 I got new lights.

00:25:11.300 You want to buy my old ones?

00:25:12.900 And I was like, Oh yeah, sure.

00:25:14.760 How much you want.

00:25:15.540 Right.

00:25:15.820 And he gave me the price.

00:25:16.900 And I don't even remember what the price was, but it was a lot.

00:25:19.580 And I thought I had that money, but if I burn it all in those lights, like I'm going to

00:25:25.320 have zero cash.

00:25:26.480 Right.

00:25:26.960 But my thought was, Oh, I'll make it back at this dance or I'll make it back at this event.

00:25:32.140 And, and I even brought it up to my mom.

00:25:34.680 I'm like, Hey mom, what do you think?

00:25:35.760 And she's like, you know, she, she didn't even give me advice.

00:25:38.640 She was just like, well, you know, there's some pros and cons, you know?

00:25:41.680 And I'm like, okay.

00:25:42.480 And I, I did it zero, like almost zero people can't showed up at the dance, ended up finding

00:25:47.820 out that like, there was some high school, like really popular game, that same exact

00:25:51.520 night, like it was bad scheduling.

00:25:53.680 Right.

00:25:54.040 And I literally lost tons of money.

00:25:56.860 And I remember thinking like, in hindsight, I was like, mom, why didn't you say that was 1.00

00:26:00.920 stupid? 1.00

00:26:02.340 And she, of course she knew it was stupid, but she was just like, Oh, he's got to learn 1.00

00:26:05.860 this lesson. 1.00

00:26:06.400 And that lesson that I learned that night was don't spend your money until you have

00:26:10.480 it.

00:26:11.540 Right.

00:26:12.000 And I was, and you think that's a valuable lesson for a college kid, right?

00:26:16.460 Of course.

00:26:16.640 Hell yeah, it is.

00:26:17.620 Especially when credit cards are available.

00:26:19.560 Oh, that check's coming in.

00:26:20.980 I'm going to burn through that cash.

00:26:22.160 Oh, that'll be coming in.

00:26:23.140 I'm not going to, I'm going to, I'll spend it before I get it.

00:26:25.640 Never turns out well, by the way.

00:26:27.500 Right.

00:26:27.780 But that was a major lesson.

00:26:29.280 And my parents completely just let me flounder, you know, and experience that suffering and

00:26:34.820 pain, you know, on my own.

00:26:36.320 And it was like, yeah, it worked out well, man.

00:26:38.220 And you know, it can go too far, right.

00:26:40.960 Where you're not giving your kid any direction or any insight or any feedback where it would

00:26:47.040 definitely be.

00:26:47.560 I don't know.

00:26:48.540 Yeah.

00:26:49.240 Or, or that you're not even present to even have that conversation.

00:26:52.480 I mean, I had friends in high school, one that I thought, you know, Oh, he's got

00:26:55.200 the cool parent, but the cool parent wasn't actually the cool parent at all.

00:27:00.380 It's not a parent.

00:27:01.320 Yeah.

00:27:01.560 After you check that out.

00:27:02.800 Right.

00:27:03.340 And so, but that comes down to truthfulness too.

00:27:06.920 Right.

00:27:07.200 So what I mean by that is that if you're not even having real conversations, then you're

00:27:12.280 not being truthful.

00:27:13.460 If you're withholding information as a parent to let them crash and burn, that's not being

00:27:17.660 truthful.

00:27:18.100 That's being deceitful.

00:27:19.900 So that's not mentoring or anything.

00:27:21.940 Right.

00:27:22.440 Right.

00:27:22.820 So you need to have all three.

00:27:24.440 And, you know, the biggest thing I found for myself even is that when you said all three

00:27:31.640 of those, so truthfulness, autonomy, consequences are uncomfortable.

00:27:36.320 And we think, you know, our kids have learned their lesson.

00:27:38.880 Look, let's be honest.

00:27:40.480 When we withhold any of that truthfulness, autonomy, or consequences, are we really trying

00:27:46.540 to spare our children or are we trying to spare ourselves?

00:27:50.500 Totally.

00:27:51.180 Yeah.

00:27:51.440 So it's very, not sharing this stuff is very selfish.

00:27:55.600 It's not selfless.

00:27:56.920 So let's get that right.

00:27:58.660 Yeah.

00:27:59.220 I like it.

00:28:00.140 All right.

00:28:00.900 Adam Hua, what do you feel is the next step in the evolution of order man as a whole?

00:28:07.880 Do you see expanding or growing the gatherings you arrange at your property beyond that, for

00:28:12.480 an example, into a more personal gatherings, possibly throughout the country to allow more

00:28:17.000 like-minded men to come together under the same banner?

00:28:20.360 Yeah.

00:28:20.480 I mean, that might happen.

00:28:21.560 I'll tell you, I'm in a very interesting position and I don't think this is too common

00:28:25.400 for a lot of like self-development people.

00:28:29.220 Most of them are like, you know, hustle and grind and go 24 seven and build these amazing

00:28:33.440 organizations and bring all these people and continue to continue to expand.

00:28:36.640 And there's nothing wrong with that.

00:28:38.960 But for me, you know, I can go over here to my window and I can see my kids outside on

00:28:44.520 the playground and the trampoline.

00:28:46.660 And I think, okay, would I rather be at an event in Australia or would I rather be out

00:28:50.960 there jumping on the trampoline with my kids?

00:28:52.620 And I'd rather be out there jumping on the trampoline with my kids.

00:28:56.040 Last night we spent about four or five hours at the lake fishing and, you know, floating

00:29:02.340 around in the kayak, like just having a good time.

00:29:04.480 And I'm not going to miss that for you or anybody else.

00:29:09.320 I'm just not.

00:29:10.840 Right.

00:29:11.440 So I've done a great job at the risk of sounding arrogant here.

00:29:16.300 I've done a great job in creating a movement and a business.

00:29:22.500 And I make no qualms about that.

00:29:24.040 We're a money-making venture that allows me the freedom and autonomy to do the things

00:29:29.420 I want outside of the business, but funds those things as well.

00:29:33.440 Yeah.

00:29:34.360 And I realized that-

00:29:35.620 Sacrificing your family.

00:29:36.760 Right.

00:29:37.300 Well, yes, but that's not entirely true either.

00:29:40.060 There are sacrifices that I make because even right now I'm doing this podcast.

00:29:44.340 I could be outside cooking fish with my son.

00:29:46.700 I'm not.

00:29:47.080 I'm in here doing this.

00:29:47.880 So there is that line.

00:29:50.140 But not to the extreme that we see so many highly successful people just kind of grinding

00:29:57.020 and going after constantly, right?

00:29:58.600 You wonder like, geez, you know, how's their family life or how they showing up for their

00:30:02.360 kids?

00:30:03.080 And look, but here's another thing though, Kip, I don't get into that game.

00:30:06.940 I used to like, oh, how's he going to be a good father?

00:30:09.060 How's, I don't know.

00:30:10.700 I don't know what somebody else's motives are.

00:30:13.340 I don't know what they're driven by.

00:30:14.680 Who am I to say that guy shouldn't be doing that?

00:30:17.980 Now, if he said, hey, I want to be a better family, man.

00:30:21.080 Can you help me?

00:30:21.740 I would say, yeah, here's what you should do.

00:30:24.080 And you shouldn't be doing these things because you actually asked for my feedback and told

00:30:27.600 me what it is you valued and wanted.

00:30:29.740 But if you're out chasing a career advancement or money or women, notoriety, cars,

00:30:43.100 fine.

00:30:43.600 Preacher's daughter, preacher's daughters.

00:30:46.240 That's all on you.

00:30:47.440 Like you can do that.

00:30:48.560 And I personally believe that that's not a great path for me.

00:30:51.400 I think it's, I think it's an empty path, but if you choose to make that decision, then

00:30:56.720 go at it a hundred percent.

00:31:00.100 So I don't, I don't get into, well, they shouldn't be, they should be doing this instead.

00:31:05.000 All I'm doing in this podcast and with this movement is showing you, this is how I've done

00:31:09.440 it.

00:31:09.620 Here's what I'm doing well.

00:31:10.520 Here's what I'm not doing so well.

00:31:11.920 And if you happen to be inspired by it or want to leave a life, live a life that, that,

00:31:16.080 that I have, or, or move towards that direction, then here we are.

00:31:19.180 And this is what you should do, but I'm not here to judge you and tell you that you shouldn't

00:31:22.520 be chasing something else.

00:31:23.820 You need to make your decisions and then you need to go wholeheartedly at them.

00:31:27.560 Yeah.

00:31:28.700 And I respect you for that.

00:31:30.000 I love hearing, cause it's so easy to write to, I mean, I think most guys struggle with

00:31:35.740 this, with this balance.

00:31:37.860 You know, we want to be good fathers.

00:31:39.660 We, we want to have a lasting impact in our kids' lives, but you know, it's very easy

00:31:44.760 to get wrapped up into the job.

00:31:46.640 It's really easy to get wrapped up in these other things.

00:31:49.180 And make them too much of a priority.

00:31:51.880 And, and I think you've always been a great example.

00:31:54.100 Cause I obviously heard you say this numerous times that like, uh, I don't want to take more

00:31:59.360 time away from my family.

00:32:00.520 I don't, you know, and I love it.

00:32:02.280 I think it's a great example and probably one that we don't hear very often from successful

00:32:06.880 people to be frank.

00:32:08.260 So I, I, yeah, well financially, maybe your career or business success, right?

00:32:13.380 There's other, other metrics.

00:32:14.600 Well, one of the things you had, you just did a meetup in, uh, in Northern Utah.

00:32:19.200 Yeah.

00:32:19.520 I wasn't, I wasn't there for that.

00:32:20.940 I mean, I, I jumped on a call for 30 minutes.

00:32:23.380 Yeah.

00:32:23.740 I mean, look, people are going to call you that.

00:32:25.840 And I know you're joking, but people are going to call you that. 0.51

00:32:28.340 They're going to be like, well, how come you're so selfish?

00:32:29.860 How come you're so this? 0.99

00:32:30.740 How come you're arrogant? 0.89

00:32:31.440 How come you don't want to, you can call me whatever you want. 0.94

00:32:34.800 Yeah.

00:32:34.960 My, these are my values.

00:32:36.120 So I wasn't there, but I did jump on a zoom call for 20 or 30 minutes.

00:32:39.360 Totally.

00:32:39.760 Uh, Sean Villalobos is doing one, uh, this Thursday, I believe in California.

00:32:44.400 I'm not going to, I'm not going to be down there for that, but I'm going to jump on a

00:32:47.620 call and, uh, say hello to the guys via zoom.

00:32:50.720 And, you know, that's my contribution and I, I'm just not going to do that.

00:32:54.740 So.

00:32:55.700 Yeah, this is, this was a discussion over the weekend with some friends and, and I think

00:33:00.680 at the root of it, Ryan is you're present to the idea that some of us are not present

00:33:05.680 to that, that your choices, that there's a cost for all things.

00:33:11.240 Oh, absolutely.

00:33:12.120 You're very present to the idea that like, Hey, would it be valuable for the order of

00:33:16.340 man movement for Mr.

00:33:17.500 Mickler to go to Southern Cal this Thursday?

00:33:19.800 The answer is yes.

00:33:21.380 The question is what's the cost.

00:33:23.820 Yeah.

00:33:24.240 And what cost?

00:33:24.960 And you making that decision on whether you want to pay that price for it or not.

00:33:28.960 And the answer is no.

00:33:29.940 And it's not right or wrong.

00:33:31.420 That's your priority.

00:33:32.480 And that's what you've, you've deemed as important.

00:33:34.940 Right.

00:33:35.340 And we should all be doing that by the way.

00:33:37.860 And it kind of goes back to good.

00:33:39.520 Yeah.

00:33:39.920 Go ahead.

00:33:40.280 Sorry.

00:33:40.460 I interrupted you.

00:33:41.320 Well, I was just going to say, and it goes back to good, better, best, right?

00:33:44.620 Like, of course it's good for you to go down, but what's even better probably for you

00:33:50.440 not to be away from your family too much.

00:33:52.780 Right.

00:33:54.200 And what I was going to say is what would be wrong is telling myself, I want to be a family

00:33:59.200 man and, and saying that's a value of mine, but then my actions aren't in alignment with

00:34:05.140 that.

00:34:05.420 That would be wrong.

00:34:06.840 Being out of integrity about it.

00:34:08.180 That's right.

00:34:08.620 Totally.

00:34:08.960 There's one other thing that people need to be aware of here that I've found.

00:34:11.860 It's an interesting phenomenon over the past five or six years is that, um, when I, whenever

00:34:15.940 I host an event.

00:34:17.200 So, um, you know, let's say I was hosting an event in Utah, which we probably did a dozen

00:34:21.640 or so different events in Utah, as, as we've done this, uh, you know, we, we, we're always

00:34:26.460 going to have people who say, well, you know, like you should do an East coast event and then

00:34:30.180 I'd be able to make it.

00:34:31.260 Okay.

00:34:31.580 So I moved here to Maine and we've done about six, six events here in Maine.

00:34:36.340 I, those people haven't showed up here.

00:34:38.300 I am on the East coast.

00:34:39.040 They haven't showed up.

00:34:39.700 I could, I could hold the guys who say, Hey, come to my place and do an event here.

00:34:44.120 I could do a, I could do an event in their time when, right.

00:34:47.200 I could do an event in their freaking backyard and they'd say, Oh, sorry, I can't make it.

00:34:53.080 Cause the game's on, but like, I'll come out here periodically or whatever. 0.88

00:34:56.060 Like people who say like, come to me are very rarely actually going to make an event.

00:35:02.200 If you want to make an event, make the event.

00:35:04.980 If you think it's valuable enough to attend, I go places.

00:35:08.120 I travel places because it's about that particular event happens to be important to me, but I never

00:35:13.800 say like, Oh, Kip, you're doing an event.

00:35:15.560 Well, you should do it here in Maine.

00:35:17.160 And then I would do that.

00:35:18.120 I'm like, no, I either have to make a decision to go to you or not and just live with it.

00:35:22.600 Period.

00:35:23.640 Totally.

00:35:23.920 So to really, you know, to sum up Adam's question here about the future of older man,

00:35:28.760 local events or whatnot, I would say, and I'll of course, let you add to this to give us kind

00:35:33.760 of maybe a future forecast.

00:35:35.200 But one of the ways we do this, Adam is, is by joining the iron council within the iron council.

00:35:41.480 That's our exclusive brotherhood, 900 plus members strong globally.

00:35:47.400 And within that network, we have the ability to actually connect with like-minded individuals

00:35:52.380 that are part of that group, right?

00:35:55.500 I have the ability to reach out to those guys within the IC and have fight night at my house

00:36:00.300 and, and find these guys because they're part of the same membership group that, that I'm

00:36:04.860 a member of.

00:36:05.420 So, so that's one way is you, you join the iron council that's order of man.com forward slash iron

00:36:10.960 council.

00:36:11.620 And then with that in mind, we also have the Facebook group in which men can join and, you

00:36:17.040 know, and we have talked about, uh, and maybe an update from you, Ryan, we have talked about

00:36:21.500 doing regional meetups that are part of the IC and, and bring in some guys from order of man,

00:36:26.960 which is obvious through the, the meetup that we did here in Utah.

00:36:29.660 And one that Sean's doing in Southern Cal, uh, this Thursday.

00:36:32.740 So, yeah, that that's exactly right.

00:36:35.320 So I would say you could do it one of three options.

00:36:38.080 You could start your own thing and just say, Hey guys, I'm in Baltimore and we're going

00:36:42.380 to be having a Saturday brunch at, uh, you know, 10 o'clock meet us at this place.

00:36:47.380 And afterwards, we're going to go on this hike and just put it together.

00:36:50.180 Like nobody's stopping you from doing that.

00:36:52.560 Yeah.

00:36:53.100 I'd encourage you to do that.

00:36:54.440 So that's one, two, you just said iron council or three, go to one of these meetups.

00:36:58.620 And I think these will become more frequent, but I need to make sure we do it right.

00:37:03.420 We do it organically is important to me.

00:37:05.540 Uh, and also that we vet the people who are hosting.

00:37:08.180 So don't, don't reach out to me and say, I'd love to do one in, you know, Texas.

00:37:12.520 If I don't know who you are, like the likelihood of that happening is very minimal.

00:37:17.500 Ryan barely allowed me to pull one off in, in Utah.

00:37:20.680 I had to like, it's true.

00:37:22.080 Call in some favors to pull it off.

00:37:23.680 It is true.

00:37:24.300 And he's still, I talked to you on the zoom call to listen in, to make sure that we weren't,

00:37:29.160 uh, I talked to you every week and, and I know what it's like.

00:37:33.040 So I'm like, Oh gosh, gosh, probably if I better, probably if I didn't know you,

00:37:36.740 you might've had a better chance.

00:37:39.440 Totally.

00:37:40.400 Um, we mentioned Sean Southern Cal, anybody listening on Southern Cal, how do we join the

00:37:46.060 Facebook group and find the post where you can register for the Southern Cal event this

00:37:49.980 Thursday?

00:37:50.240 Yeah, that's a, that's a good, you're bringing up a good question, which is a logistical issue

00:37:58.240 that we're going to deal with where at some point, what I envision is you'll just be able

00:38:02.260 to go to order a man.com and click on events and type in your city and it'll find any events

00:38:08.980 that are coming up in your area or what the, what the calendar of events is.

00:38:12.720 I like that.

00:38:13.540 So that, that will probably happen.

00:38:15.100 It isn't available now, but if you go to the Facebook group and just type in Southern

00:38:18.240 California and the search bar, uh, it'll pop up and then you can RSVP that way.

00:38:22.920 There you go.

00:38:23.480 All right.

00:38:24.300 Darren, uh, Bertram, what is the number one thing that you guys see as an indicator?

00:38:29.440 Now I, I like this question.

00:38:31.020 I didn't want you to judge me too harshly that I, that I picked this question.

00:38:34.320 So let me explain it.

00:38:35.880 Um, I, I, his questions around the IC, but I think this is, might be insightful.

00:38:41.000 So in general, uh, what is the number one thing that you guys see as an indicator of guys being

00:38:47.040 successful within the iron council by success?

00:38:49.780 I mean, developing a solid battle plan, staying active in the channels and real self-growth.

00:38:54.360 So what's same, maybe one of those key indicators that really we see guys that are successful.

00:39:00.920 And I'm going to stop there and say in life, uh, because guys that are successful in the IC

00:39:05.960 it's the same behavior.

00:39:08.820 Like I always say this, like the world shows up or the real world shows up within the iron council.

00:39:14.000 So use it as your, your playground, right.

00:39:16.700 To, to be successful and to get on a path.

00:39:18.960 But yeah, what's that, what's that indicator?

00:39:21.820 There's, there's two things.

00:39:23.220 It's very easy.

00:39:24.180 This is when people say, what's the one thing that, you know, yeah, here's two, but this

00:39:29.800 is along the same line, right?

00:39:31.620 It's this it's presence.

00:39:34.140 Actually, I'll just say it's presence.

00:39:36.520 It's presence.

00:39:37.880 I was going to say something else.

00:39:39.240 I was going to say participation.

00:39:40.440 So it's presence and participation, but that makes it sound like action.

00:39:44.240 Right.

00:39:44.780 But that makes it sound like that they're two different things.

00:39:48.340 They're not being present.

00:39:49.640 Doesn't mean just a warm body sitting there being present means you're there, you're engaged,

00:39:55.020 you're participating, you're communicating, you're doing the assignments, you're

00:39:59.640 doing what's asked of you, you're innovating, you're coming up with new ideas and solutions.

00:40:04.920 You're present.

00:40:06.560 That's what presence means.

00:40:08.980 So that's all that period.

00:40:11.260 Bottom line.

00:40:11.760 The one thing you need to be, to be successful is presence on any front.

00:40:15.960 If you want to get better at jujitsu, you need to be present.

00:40:18.960 And I don't mean just show up to class.

00:40:20.660 I mean, you need to, here's how I do it.

00:40:23.360 You go to class, right?

00:40:25.580 You go to class.

00:40:27.980 I'm going to show you, I'm going to go through my routine of jujitsu.

00:40:30.380 Okay.

00:40:30.980 Okay.

00:40:31.680 So every day I watch a video on something before class or whatever in the morning, during

00:40:39.200 the day on a break or something I find on YouTube or something somebody sends me, I watch

00:40:43.480 a video for a technique or something maybe I'm struggling with or a maneuver, whatever.

00:40:49.280 Right.

00:40:49.440 So I watch one video, then I drink a boatload of water before I go, because I know I'm going

00:40:56.680 to get dehydrated and I don't want to take time during training to like take breaks and

00:41:00.960 get drinks and whatever else.

00:41:02.760 So I try to hydrate.

00:41:04.560 Okay.

00:41:05.200 Number, the next one is on the way over.

00:41:08.440 I'm visualizing training.

00:41:10.660 I don't have a bunch of like music on or podcasts on.

00:41:15.940 I go and I'm like, okay, what do, what do I need to learn?

00:41:20.420 What do I need to focus on?

00:41:22.740 What guard am I going to work on today?

00:41:24.760 What sweeps, what move, like, what am I going to do?

00:41:27.680 And then, okay, who am I going to train with?

00:41:29.900 Okay.

00:41:30.200 I'm going to train with Jeremy.

00:41:31.580 Here's how I need to train against Jeremy.

00:41:33.160 Cause here's his style.

00:41:34.440 Okay.

00:41:34.780 And then I'm gonna roll a Pete and here's, here's his style.

00:41:37.040 And so here's how I'm going to try to defend myself from him getting my arm, which he always

00:41:41.180 does.

00:41:41.580 There's something I'm doing.

00:41:42.660 So I need to like figure it out.

00:41:44.360 So I visualize, I go through all of that.

00:41:47.140 And then when I'm there, I'm there, no phone, no distractions.

00:41:53.600 I also am very conscious about rolling with the people I don't want to roll with.

00:41:58.780 I find them and I try to train with them.

00:42:01.760 Then when we do our instruction portion of the class, I ask questions.

00:42:07.040 And I watch and I listen and I study like I'm fully there.

00:42:12.440 I'm immersed in it.

00:42:14.080 That's why I'm getting better at jujitsu.

00:42:15.920 Now I would get better if I didn't do that just by going, but I want to get better faster

00:42:20.580 than anybody else.

00:42:22.800 It's the same thing with podcasting.

00:42:24.520 When I'm here, I'm present.

00:42:25.980 I'm involved.

00:42:26.520 You've heard me say that.

00:42:27.340 How do we, how do we make it better?

00:42:30.460 Right?

00:42:30.880 So what did we do?

00:42:31.600 We invested in microphones.

00:42:32.960 I sent you a microphone.

00:42:34.240 Okay.

00:42:34.640 Our editor came back and said, Hey, your mic's a little hot.

00:42:37.600 Okay.

00:42:37.840 We just had that conversation.

00:42:39.100 Turn down your mic.

00:42:40.060 You created this podcast studio behind you.

00:42:42.640 I'm looking at the lighting.

00:42:43.520 Like there's things there's like presence is how you win in anything.

00:42:49.300 And it's more than just a warm body.

00:42:51.560 It's more than just showing up.

00:42:52.880 When you go to the lake with your kids, fish with them, play with them, splash in the water

00:42:57.520 with them.

00:42:57.940 Like be fully present.

00:43:00.540 Present.

00:43:00.880 That's how you win.

00:43:02.160 Yeah.

00:43:02.840 When I, and I, just to add to it, you know, I went, I was down in St. George at a water

00:43:08.260 park with the family and yay kids.

00:43:11.040 Let's go to the pool.

00:43:11.820 And it was funny.

00:43:13.140 My temptation was they hop in the pool.

00:43:15.760 I sit on this lawn chair, get your phone out, do your thing.

00:43:18.980 Send my phone out, be lazy.

00:43:20.440 Yeah.

00:43:20.720 And I'm thinking family vacation.

00:43:23.460 No, no. 0.99

00:43:24.680 I should be going down the stupid water slide going backwards and you know what I mean? 1.00

00:43:28.580 Run the loops with them and floating in their lazy river. 0.99

00:43:31.420 Even if I don't want to, because that's what going to the pool with dad is not just.

00:43:37.760 Yeah.

00:43:37.880 But is there really, right.

00:43:39.440 Is there really anything that if you're with your kids that you're like, yeah, you might

00:43:43.320 be hesitant, but once you start doing it, you're like, okay, this is awesome.

00:43:47.180 Yeah.

00:43:47.580 I was instantly like, okay, wait, hold on.

00:43:50.460 How do we get down this thing faster, even better or with more style?

00:43:54.220 There's a water park in St. George.

00:43:55.900 Well, it's, it's this community that has a small, uh, lazy river and thing.

00:44:02.400 And you rent these vacation rentals and yeah.

00:44:05.380 Where is it?

00:44:06.380 Cool.

00:44:06.900 Out in Santa Clara, Ivan's area.

00:44:09.400 Hmm.

00:44:09.900 I didn't know that.

00:44:10.920 It was, I mean, literally it was like, eat, come out to the pool, go back, eat some more,

00:44:16.700 come back to the pool.

00:44:17.680 Like it was, yeah, I'm going to check that out.

00:44:19.940 Super lazy.

00:44:20.580 Yeah.

00:44:20.900 Awesome.

00:44:21.380 It was great.

00:44:22.460 Um, one other thing I was going to add.

00:44:25.900 By being fully present, you feel fulfilled.

00:44:30.860 Oh, a hundred percent.

00:44:32.700 Versus if you're like, oh, let me go swim with the kids.

00:44:35.740 Oh, let me try to do some emails.

00:44:36.980 Oh, let me do some work.

00:44:37.900 Oh, let me do this.

00:44:39.000 Let me like when we're scattered and we're multitasking all the time, you don't feel good

00:44:44.420 about how your day went and your level of success is lower. 0.88

00:44:48.740 And that's probably why you don't feel good about your day because it's still a rat's

00:44:52.920 nest of chaos and you didn't really get, have breakthroughs in accomplishing anything.

00:44:59.200 And by being fully present, that positions us to actually have way more accomplishment,

00:45:04.300 which then gives us better fulfillment about how we are showing up.

00:45:09.600 And more energy to be more present in the next thing that you're going to do too.

00:45:13.520 So it's this big cycle and it doesn't really matter where you inject yourself into the

00:45:18.820 cycle.

00:45:19.560 Everything is connected and linked.

00:45:21.380 So it will improve in every facet of your life.

00:45:23.940 Yeah.

00:45:24.540 I like that.

00:45:25.360 All right.

00:45:25.940 Next question.

00:45:27.740 Sorry.

00:45:28.500 I wasn't prepped.

00:45:29.360 I have to scroll.

00:45:30.540 All right.

00:45:31.200 Present.

00:45:31.660 You weren't present, Kip.

00:45:32.720 I was fully present.

00:45:33.960 It shows.

00:45:34.460 Um, so it's August 16th, uh, Clinton, his question is kind of realignment halfway through

00:45:44.760 the year.

00:45:45.340 Um, obviously Clinton, you're already too late.

00:45:48.500 It's past halfway through the year, but for those guys listening, and it's like, it's August.

00:45:54.200 They probably started off the year with some great goal setting.

00:45:57.640 And now it's like, we're halfway through, right?

00:46:00.860 What, what's, um, advice around realignment of goal setting to, to finish the year strong.

00:46:07.460 I want to talk a little bit about the battle plan.

00:46:09.600 I'll do that in a minute, but I heard a quote a long time ago.

00:46:12.580 I can't even remember who it's by at this point.

00:46:14.420 Maybe you guys can help me out on this, but the quote goes something like this every night

00:46:20.500 when I go to bed, I die.

00:46:23.740 And the next morning I'm reborn a new man.

00:46:27.420 Yeah.

00:46:28.060 I'm paraphrasing.

00:46:28.980 It's something like that.

00:46:30.240 Yeah.

00:46:30.860 And that's a very powerful thought that every morning you are a new man, both for, for good

00:46:38.000 and bad, because you might've been really, really good yesterday, but you're a new man.

00:46:42.740 You, you died last night.

00:46:44.060 You're a new man today.

00:46:45.460 So it doesn't matter what yesterday was about, or, you know, maybe you messed up, you know,

00:46:51.340 you royally screwed some things up.

00:46:52.940 You said some things you didn't mean to say you hurt some people or you took advantage of

00:46:56.560 somebody.

00:46:56.980 And look, that's not to say the consequences of your decisions go away each day, but who

00:47:03.200 you decide to be when you wake up is exactly who you are today.

00:47:09.020 So that mentality has been, has served me very, very well.

00:47:16.560 Like, well, my, my baseball coach used to say, you're only as good as your last at bat.

00:47:21.540 Meaning that you'll see a bunch of guys who resting on their laurels.

00:47:25.940 If it was their last at bat was really good.

00:47:28.400 They're just going to rest on their laurels.

00:47:30.280 Or if it was really bad, then they define themselves by that. 0.99

00:47:32.620 Well, I'm a loser. 0.97

00:47:33.360 No, you're only as good as your last at bat. 0.89

00:47:36.020 You have another at bat right now.

00:47:38.320 So what's it going to be?

00:47:39.640 So each morning you need to reset.

00:47:41.260 Now the planning tool.

00:47:43.280 So that's the mindset.

00:47:44.000 The strategy is the planning tool that we use.

00:47:46.260 We use our, our 12 week battle planner and we do them in quarterly segments.

00:47:50.660 And I'll tell you that the thing that you can do, I'm just pulling this up here.

00:47:54.460 Um, cause I like to write it out is every single morning you ought to be planning out your day.

00:47:59.520 So I've got a list here of tasks that I need to do.

00:48:02.200 I've got about 15 or so things.

00:48:04.640 Uh, I've accomplished about five or six of these, not going to get through it all today.

00:48:09.520 I fully realize that, but I'm going to get through the important things.

00:48:12.440 I'm going to get what I need to get done.

00:48:13.820 And, uh, we're going to keep driving on and get this done throughout the week.

00:48:17.440 So having this plan in front of me on a daily basis, and then spending 10 minutes per day,

00:48:22.440 just to wrap my head around what needs to be done.

00:48:25.340 Or if something in the middle of the day, uh, comes up like something did today, uh,

00:48:29.220 then I can just jot it in here and say, okay, well, I got to tweak that, adjust this,

00:48:31.960 change this, cool, write that in.

00:48:33.340 All right.

00:48:33.700 I won't be able to get that done, but I can get this done.

00:48:35.600 Um, I, I even, this is going to be,

00:48:39.300 sound kind of funny, but where we are as a pretty rural area.

00:48:42.680 And I had to go to the post office to drop some packages off today.

00:48:45.940 And if I go two days away or it's, it's so far away horseback,

00:48:50.360 that's all you can get there.

00:48:52.380 You can't even get there.

00:48:54.120 There's no road.

00:48:54.860 You just have to hike in and cart it.

00:48:56.880 Yeah, that's right.

00:48:59.240 So one, one of the ways I go to the post office,

00:49:02.780 I is, it's the fastest way to get there, but I don't get service.

00:49:09.160 The other one is a little longer, but I do get service.

00:49:12.340 And so I'm thinking, man, I got like three calls I need to make.

00:49:15.960 Like I can't, I need to get, but I need to get to the post office fast.

00:49:18.920 So I made the decision to go the long way so I can make my three calls on the way there.

00:49:23.360 And so, yes, it took me a little longer, but, but net time I spent less because I was able

00:49:29.240 to get those calls done while I was on the road doing nothing else.

00:49:32.160 Yeah.

00:49:32.780 Okay.

00:49:33.120 I share that with you because that's what having all of this in front of you allows you to do.

00:49:38.960 To say, oh, I got to make those calls.

00:49:41.100 I got to make it a priority.

00:49:42.180 How do I fix this in?

00:49:43.320 That's right.

00:49:43.800 Yeah.

00:49:44.320 So you're zooming out and you can see the greater picture.

00:49:47.300 Not, oh, you need to go to the post office as fast as I can.

00:49:49.420 No, I need to get everything done with maximum efficiency.

00:49:52.920 So I'm going to go the long way today so I can make the calls.

00:49:55.880 And at the end of the day, I will get more done than had I done it the other way.

00:49:59.960 Yeah.

00:50:00.660 But unless you have it all in front of you, you don't know.

00:50:02.880 So you have to have a way to have this all in front of you and ready to go.

00:50:06.600 Yeah.

00:50:06.900 Let me ask you this.

00:50:07.960 So Kevin O'Malley, he had a question that was similar and he says, you know,

00:50:11.320 finding a healthy balance between me time and family time.

00:50:14.960 Would you say this is part of that?

00:50:16.880 His answer is, hey, it's about planning.

00:50:19.620 That's how you find a healthy balance.

00:50:21.020 Yeah.

00:50:21.760 Yeah.

00:50:22.000 And being present.

00:50:23.140 And I'm not telling you don't, you don't have family time.

00:50:27.640 And I just told you, I just told you, I spent three or four hours at the lake yesterday.

00:50:31.220 You know, that didn't fit into like the tasks, the work tasks that I needed to do.

00:50:36.280 But I knew, hey, this is, this is what you're doing.

00:50:40.100 So you got family time this afternoon.

00:50:42.460 So here's what you need to do leading up, leading up to that.

00:50:44.900 And you need to make decisions based on that tonight.

00:50:48.160 I have training.

00:50:49.000 So I know that training is important.

00:50:52.120 I'm going to go, it's locked in, but I only have this window because I do this window for work.

00:50:56.460 And then I have a little smaller window right there for some family time after work.

00:51:00.180 Uh, before I go to, to training, we, we just, we know it's, we just know Wednesday night.

00:51:07.440 Here's another example.

00:51:08.440 So I train on Wednesday night as well.

00:51:11.640 Wednesday night, I do the same thing.

00:51:13.520 I work and then a little family time before I leave.

00:51:15.380 And then I go to training.

00:51:16.240 I come back.

00:51:17.000 Well, Wednesday evening after the kids go to bed is my wife and I, it's our night.

00:51:22.220 So we do whatever we want, whether we want to do it together or separately, it's our night.

00:51:26.700 So I choose to train jujitsu.

00:51:28.800 And then I come home and she's maybe doing some canning or, uh, she's watching a masterclass

00:51:34.460 or she's reading a book or she's just enjoying, you know, herself alone time and that night

00:51:41.560 is mine.

00:51:41.900 So I come home and maybe I'll read a book or maybe I'll work on a project or I'll clean

00:51:45.640 something up in the barn or whatever, you know, but, uh, that's just built into like

00:51:50.500 it's there.

00:51:51.180 We already know it's all documented, written down.

00:51:53.280 Everybody understands we're all on the same page and it just makes life easier.

00:51:56.880 Yeah.

00:51:57.340 I like it.

00:51:58.320 Matt Hall, uh, would love to get you get a consensus on what transition means when used

00:52:04.300 in transitioning from military to civilian or from one career to another.

00:52:10.060 I just think it means you're leaving the military and you're, that's it.

00:52:14.700 Now, instead of being a member of the military, you're now a civilian.

00:52:18.500 Yeah.

00:52:19.540 I mean, is that, is that what he's asking?

00:52:21.120 I think, I mean, I'm assuming not, I'm assuming he's looking for maybe some advice on part of

00:52:26.820 the transition, transitioning process, even though he didn't clearly state that in his

00:52:31.000 question, but I got it.

00:52:32.520 I think you should cover it.

00:52:35.020 So, all right.

00:52:38.120 So whenever you're engaged, I learned this from Tim Ferriss.

00:52:40.560 Whenever you're engaged in an activity, I think it was Tim.

00:52:43.120 It might be Cal Newport in his book, deep work.

00:52:45.520 One of the two concepts, the same you'll understand.

00:52:48.980 So whenever you're doing a task, there's a ramp up time for tasks.

00:52:54.500 So if I'm going to send emails, for example, let's say I block out.

00:52:57.820 And I did this morning, I blocked out an hour to send out emails and correspondence and

00:53:02.140 things like that.

00:53:03.360 So I sat down and it took me about, I would say five to six emails before I felt like I

00:53:10.180 was in the flow.

00:53:12.300 And once I got through the five, I was like, like just cranking through it.

00:53:16.020 Like I felt like I was in the zone going through it.

00:53:17.980 Yes, no, like doing all the things I needed to do.

00:53:19.800 And I felt like I was maximum efficiency.

00:53:23.360 Then I realized that you and me are going to do our podcast.

00:53:26.520 So I'm coming up on that time.

00:53:28.480 So there's a ramp up process in the beginning.

00:53:30.420 There's also a ramping down time where it's like, okay, yeah, I got Kip in 10 minutes.

00:53:37.080 Okay, I think I can send this last email.

00:53:41.400 Oh, but you know what?

00:53:42.100 Then I got to make that call.

00:53:43.320 And so I start getting distracted.

00:53:44.900 Oh, wait.

00:53:45.600 And what did Kip want to talk about?

00:53:46.980 Oh, yes.

00:53:47.440 The questions from last.

00:53:48.460 Wait, do we have enough questions?

00:53:50.100 I think we do, but I didn't get the email.

00:53:51.920 So wait, are we okay?

00:53:53.440 There's a winding down process.

00:53:56.580 And so the beginning of it is inefficient.

00:53:58.900 The end of it is inefficient.

00:54:00.940 The middle of it is hyper-efficient.

00:54:02.500 And then what happens is when you stop that task and you switch over to this, then there's

00:54:07.200 a ramping up and a ramping down, ramping up, ramping down.

00:54:09.900 And that time of ramping up and ramping down, you're losing a lot of efficiency in that time.

00:54:15.200 Now, the reason I share that with you is let's talk about transition out of the military.

00:54:20.300 If you're ready to leave the military, there's the ramping down process, right?

00:54:26.720 Where you have to do certain things to check your health and make sure you're all good to

00:54:31.780 go and all your paperwork's in order.

00:54:33.700 And you're talking with your section chief or your commander, whoever it is, and you're

00:54:37.820 doing all of that work.

00:54:39.300 But then there's the mental winding down time.

00:54:41.720 Like, hey, I'm going to be at home and I don't know what I'm going to do.

00:54:45.420 And how is this going to work?

00:54:46.760 And so there's all of that.

00:54:48.760 I got it.

00:54:49.540 Man, I'm going to have to interview for a new job and I'm going to have to make sure

00:54:52.320 the income is coming in.

00:54:53.540 And do we have enough income to come in to provide for a family?

00:54:57.320 Then when you get out of the military, you start ramping up in your civilian life.

00:55:00.500 Like, hey, I got this new job.

00:55:02.280 We bought this new home.

00:55:03.760 Oh, the kids, like they require more attention than I thought because I wasn't there.

00:55:07.520 And so now I have to spend time with the kids and manage that into my schedule.

00:55:10.860 And my schedule changed.

00:55:12.260 And that's hard on my wife. 1.00

00:55:13.960 There's ramping up.

00:55:16.160 So the best way to transition is to overlap the two.

00:55:22.020 There should never be like a solid stop point.

00:55:25.100 Like I'm out of the military.

00:55:26.800 Okay, now I'm going to start thinking about what I should be doing.

00:55:29.980 No, you need to overlap them.

00:55:32.940 So like I'm talking a year in advance.

00:55:35.760 Hey, I know that I'm going to retire next year in August of next year.

00:55:41.900 So I have 12 months to really figure out what I want to do, what job I want to pursue, if our financial affairs are in order, who I need to talk with about this, how this is going to impact the family.

00:55:55.180 And I need to start transitioning into my new life before my old life ends.

00:56:01.340 Because if I don't, it's going to be very, very inefficient.

00:56:03.700 And the men and women who do this, they make a seamless transition.

00:56:09.080 That's why we call it a seamless transition.

00:56:11.440 It isn't stop, start.

00:56:13.920 It's overlap.

00:56:15.380 And it's hard to tell.

00:56:16.320 I did this in my financial planning practice.

00:56:18.340 I knew that I was going to start another, my own financial planning firm.

00:56:22.240 But I didn't march into my boss's office the day I had this idea and said, I quit.

00:56:29.100 And then I start my new financial planning practice.

00:56:31.840 No, I was doing research and I was asking other advisors what they had done to start their own practices.

00:56:36.940 And I had got my accountant and everything else in line and in order.

00:56:40.880 And then I spent six months of transitioning from the practice I was with to starting my own firm, looking for places, hiring assistants, figuring out where the gaps were going to be,

00:56:51.220 learning the accounting side of things, bringing another accountant in.

00:56:54.880 So that when I finally walked into my boss's office and I said, hey, I want you to know, I'm going to be starting my own financial planning firm.

00:57:02.420 And that's going to happen in four weeks.

00:57:05.740 I want to make sure that I give you plenty of time to be aware of that.

00:57:08.280 But this is what's happening.

00:57:09.520 Here's everything that's in order.

00:57:11.160 I want you to know I appreciate you and all the opportunities you've provided, but I am going to be leaving.

00:57:15.320 That, by the way, I like to give more time if I can, because I think that's just a respectful thing to do.

00:57:22.340 Because if you want to ramp up to something else and transition, don't you think as long as the relationship's cordial that you deserve or that individual deserves an opportunity to transition for himself?

00:57:34.120 Like, he's going to lose a good employee and he's got to hire somebody else.

00:57:38.280 He's got to fill that in and there's things he needs to do.

00:57:40.200 So I just think that's a respectful thing to do.

00:57:42.160 As long as there's a mutual level of respect, there isn't some weird circumstance.

00:57:47.160 But yeah, that's what I would say to transition.

00:57:50.660 Seamless.

00:57:51.220 We're looking for seamless transitions.

00:57:53.960 Like it.

00:57:54.380 All right.

00:57:55.040 Last question.

00:57:56.240 Daryl.

00:57:56.620 Actually, hold on.

00:57:57.260 Let me give one other example on that.

00:57:58.800 So just because we like to talk about jujitsu a lot.

00:58:00.940 One thing I've thought a lot about lately and Pete showing me and the rest of the guys this,

00:58:07.540 is that whenever you're setting up a certain submission, there's probably three or four

00:58:15.300 submissions you could do.

00:58:17.740 Right?

00:58:18.140 So like, let's say you're going for an arm bar from a guard.

00:58:24.880 So that arm bar could turn into, it could be an arm bar.

00:58:28.780 It could turn into a triangle.

00:58:31.320 It could convert or transition into an omoplata.

00:58:34.980 There's a lot of different things that it can do.

00:58:36.760 And so you set up the move, right?

00:58:40.380 The submission attempt.

00:58:41.540 And then you respond based on the way your opponent responds.

00:58:44.960 And then that will move you into the next transition.

00:58:47.760 Okay.

00:58:47.920 Well, you know, he sat up and grabbed his arm.

00:58:50.760 So I need to put his arm this way and swing my leg all the way over and try to turn this

00:58:54.000 into an omoplata.

00:58:55.120 That's the same concept.

00:58:56.320 There's a lot of different places you can go and you're setting things up and then you're

00:59:00.840 responding based on external factors and making your next transition into whatever it is.

00:59:05.700 But in order to do that, you need to actually know what the next move is.

00:59:09.620 Yeah.

00:59:10.220 Right.

00:59:10.480 Because if I try to get you in an arm bar kit and you defend it, but I don't know what's

00:59:15.680 next, you're just going to get out of it and probably take my side.

00:59:19.600 Yeah.

00:59:20.040 So you got to know, you got to start thinking ahead of this stuff.

00:59:23.940 Yeah.

00:59:24.840 I like it.

00:59:26.500 Daryl Hahn, how can you gauge if you're a warrior, if your metal has never been tested?

00:59:35.840 You don't, how would you know?

00:59:39.040 I mean, you can think really highly of yourself, but unless you've been in a difficult situation,

00:59:44.420 you don't know.

00:59:45.560 So what's the answer?

00:59:47.200 Test yourself.

00:59:48.760 What's the quote by Archie Locus?

00:59:50.260 We don't rise to the level of our expectation.

00:59:52.520 We fall to the level of our training.

00:59:54.680 So a lot of guys think pretty highly of themselves and unless they've been tested, they actually

01:00:00.440 don't know.

01:00:00.880 Or if they find themselves in a test, they find themselves wanting.

01:00:04.640 So you got to put yourself in difficult, challenging situations, not dangerous, but difficult,

01:00:12.420 challenging situations so that you'll be more prepared to handle what life is going to throw

01:00:19.120 at you physically, mentally, emotionally.

01:00:21.360 It's imperative.

01:00:22.540 And I feel like this is a common thread with all of my podcast guests.

01:00:26.680 They all talk about challenge.

01:00:28.220 They all talk about hardship and how important it is that we walk into it voluntarily so that

01:00:33.100 when we're faced with involuntary hardship, we can better handle ourselves.

01:00:37.500 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

01:00:40.740 Because, I mean, it's a kind of a weird question.

01:00:42.680 It's almost like, how do you know if you've never been tested?

01:00:46.180 So it sounds like you'd like to be a warrior, but you're not willing to see if you really

01:00:51.840 are by throwing yourself into these situations.

01:00:54.400 Yeah, and I think some of it might be a lack of creativity thinking like, well, Ryan, I

01:00:59.200 can't test if I'd be a good warrior because I'm not going to go to war, right?

01:01:03.520 And it's like, well, it's not, then what martial arts training are you doing, right?

01:01:09.680 Can you sign for a military class or firearms training?

01:01:12.640 Yeah.

01:01:12.860 Like there's ways to test that quote unquote metal without it being war.

01:01:19.100 However, like you said, you know, in a safe environment, there's ways to, that we can put

01:01:24.120 ourselves in voluntary hardship to, to validate right where we are.

01:01:29.000 So, yeah, I mean, I've been thinking about that word warrior a lot.

01:01:32.940 Like it's so used and so overused.

01:01:35.860 Like you don't always have to be a warrior.

01:01:38.520 I'm a warrior.

01:01:40.240 Yeah.

01:01:40.800 Really though?

01:01:41.420 Are you, or are you just, you know, a man who's capable of holding his own and dealing

01:01:45.820 with light, what life has to throw at him?

01:01:47.700 So that, that to me is what I, like, I'm not trying to be a, the warrior mindset, the

01:01:53.620 warrior mentality.

01:01:54.620 It's like, no, I'm just trying to be good at what I do.

01:01:58.640 I'm trying to see what, what I, what I want out of life.

01:02:03.300 What's valuable to me.

01:02:04.640 I'm trying to align my actions with my words and my values.

01:02:08.340 Like, I don't feel this need to be this warrior archetype.

01:02:13.580 It's just kind of played out to me and overused and overworked.

01:02:17.360 And I think it can be very misguiding and misleading. 0.74

01:02:19.800 And in a lot of ways, because everybody's trying to be a hard ass instead of trying to 0.58

01:02:23.400 develop the virtues and characteristics that actually make a warrior, a warrior. 0.82

01:02:28.060 Like, what is it that makes a samurai, a samurai?

01:02:30.380 Well, proficiency capability for sure, but also mindset and honor, you know?

01:02:35.540 And so there's so many things that we don't address.

01:02:39.280 I say, we collectively, we don't address when we just say, you just need to have the warrior

01:02:42.600 mindset.

01:02:43.000 So what, like, are you saying we all need to be like David Goggins because David Goggins

01:02:48.080 has some things locked down and he's got some other things that I don't want about his life.

01:02:53.100 And so do I really want to be the next Goggins?

01:02:56.380 No, I respect him.

01:02:58.740 I think highly of him.

01:03:00.220 I don't want to be him.

01:03:01.440 I want to be somebody else.

01:03:02.600 And so I don't, I don't need to fit into that, that archetype of like, this is how it should

01:03:07.640 be.

01:03:08.700 Yeah.

01:03:09.660 Yeah.

01:03:10.160 Good point.

01:03:11.880 All right.

01:03:12.360 So we brought up a couple of things.

01:03:14.160 So just a rehash on a, on a few items, you know, whether it's regional meetups or connecting

01:03:19.080 with like-minded guys, uh, join us on Facebook.

01:03:21.840 That's facebook.com slash group slash order of man, or, uh, join us in the iron council,

01:03:27.880 uh, the exclusive brotherhood of the order of man.

01:03:30.860 That's order of man.com forward slash iron council.

01:03:34.120 And as always, uh, connect with Mr.

01:03:36.440 Mickler on Insta and Twitter at Ryan Mickler, um, and subscribe to YouTube and support the

01:03:42.940 movement.

01:03:43.300 Anything else, sir, that you'd want to throw out there?

01:03:45.940 Um, just a reminder to you to leave the preacher's daughters alone, but outside of that, I passed

01:03:52.880 all my past.

01:03:53.880 Okay, good, good.

01:03:54.780 No longer a DJ, man.

01:03:58.440 I can't imagine how, how amazing your life must've been at that point.

01:04:04.920 All right, guys, we appreciate you.

01:04:06.700 Great questions today.

01:04:07.420 We'll have some new questions next week.

01:04:09.420 Uh, let's see.

01:04:10.420 I've got, uh, who's coming out.

01:04:12.280 Oh, Sal DiStefano, uh, just came out yesterday.

01:04:15.580 So that's a podcast about the power of resistance training.

01:04:19.320 Uh, so I think you'll like that one, but, uh, make sure you subscribe, leave those ratings

01:04:22.400 and reviews.

01:04:22.940 The ratings and reviews go a long way.

01:04:24.540 I think we have 6,600 or so ratings and reviews.

01:04:28.260 Let's, let's bump those numbers up.

01:04:29.860 Let's get to 7,000.

01:04:31.060 That means 400 of us need to go out there and leave that rating review wherever you're

01:04:34.440 doing the podcast thing.

01:04:35.260 And that goes a long way.

01:04:36.260 All right, guys, we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become

01:04:40.460 the man you are meant to be.

01:04:41.820 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:04:44.460 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:04:48.800 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:04:51.940 We'll be right back.

01:04:53.940 We'll be right back.

01:04:56.280 We'll be right back.

01:04:58.280 Thank you.

Order of Man - August 18, 2021

The Single Greatest Factor to Success, Separating Emotion and Response, 3 Ways to Develop Personal Responsibility in Kids ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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