Order of Man - The Small Things are the Big Things, Learning to Listen, and Stop Digging Holes

00:00:00.200 Men are generally pretty good at the big things.

00:00:03.460 You know what we're not good at?

00:00:04.620 The little things.

00:00:05.660 Your wife says, hey, will you take out the trash cans

00:00:08.100 this morning to the curb before you go to work?

00:00:09.940 And you don't.

00:00:10.600 Or she says, hey, on the way home,

00:00:11.880 can you pick up a gallon of milk?

00:00:13.020 Can you say, sure?

00:00:14.040 And you don't.

00:00:14.760 It's these little things that I think over time,

00:00:17.500 it's like death by a thousand cuts.

00:00:19.600 I think you have to be more intentional

00:00:21.640 about the little things than you do about the big things

00:00:25.580 because the big things will get taken care of.

00:00:27.500 It's in front of your face, you'll see it.

00:00:29.080 But those little things, man, that is sinister.

00:00:33.400 Kip, what's up, man?

00:00:34.420 It's good to be back after being gone last week.

00:00:38.120 You and Jay handled it all on your own.

00:00:41.440 We tried.

00:00:42.660 How did it go?

00:00:44.180 I'm following you on the social,

00:00:46.180 so I'm pretty excited to hear your report back

00:00:49.520 on why you missed our recording last week.

00:00:53.180 Oh, man, it was awesome.

00:00:54.300 Yeah, I went to Kentucky and I met with Dwayne Noel.

00:00:57.140 Uh, and I've, I've, I've had this idea lately

00:01:00.960 of just going to hang out with and spend time

00:01:03.660 with some of the men that I've interviewed,

00:01:05.600 some other men that I want to be able to spend some time with

00:01:08.040 who are doing interesting manly stuff.

00:01:11.680 And, uh, Dwayne is, is, is a horseman.

00:01:14.740 And so I, I messaged him.

00:01:16.660 I said, Hey, let's do this.

00:01:17.420 We've been planning this for months

00:01:18.740 and, uh, we've both had to cancel once or twice,

00:01:22.460 but anyways, we finally make it work.

00:01:23.840 And yeah, I went out there and said, just put me to work.

00:01:26.760 That's all I want.

00:01:27.420 Just put me to work.

00:01:28.060 And then I'll interview you in real time.

00:01:30.520 We'll take some video and then we'll sit down at some point

00:01:32.560 and do, do a podcast.

00:01:34.540 So went out to his, his property there in Kentucky,

00:01:37.860 rural Kentucky.

00:01:39.500 Um, no, no electricity, no running water.

00:01:44.160 And we had a good time for a couple of days,

00:01:47.300 clearing some trees.

00:01:48.160 We were going to build a gate,

00:01:49.220 but he was missing some parts or some components

00:01:51.320 that were coming in and cleared some trees,

00:01:53.960 had some good impromptu discussions.

00:01:56.280 And then we sat down and did a podcast.

00:01:57.760 And then I flew down to Dallas after that

00:02:01.680 and met with, uh, Skylar Lewis with, uh, Rise Up Kings,

00:02:05.280 uh, did a podcast with them

00:02:07.320 and they have a really cool organization.

00:02:10.400 So it's been fun.

00:02:11.780 It's been fun to travel a little bit

00:02:13.060 and do some of those things

00:02:13.980 that I would not normally do,

00:02:15.340 you know, here in my hometown.

00:02:17.340 That's awesome.

00:02:18.060 I, we're, we're excited to hear

00:02:20.020 about those episodes coming out,

00:02:21.900 hopefully in the near future.

00:02:24.140 Well, Dwayne's will release,

00:02:27.840 would have released yesterday

00:02:30.000 as of the release of this recording.

00:02:32.040 So people should have been able to listen to it

00:02:34.360 for the last 24 hours

00:02:35.540 and it is really, really good.

00:02:38.740 That's awesome.

00:02:39.800 Well, let's get into the process of,

00:02:42.180 oh, go ahead.

00:02:42.580 Sorry.

00:02:43.540 I was just going to say,

00:02:44.400 I'm also in the process of buying

00:02:46.320 a bunch of new camera equipment too.

00:02:47.980 So we can improve the production quality

00:02:50.200 for our YouTube channel.

00:02:52.280 So if you guys aren't following

00:02:53.380 the YouTube channel,

00:02:54.080 make sure you check it out.

00:02:54.880 It's youtube.com slash order of man.

00:02:58.640 Awesome.

00:02:59.560 All right.

00:03:00.160 You good to go hop into some questions.

00:03:03.300 Let's do it, man.

00:03:04.060 Let's get after it.

00:03:04.760 All right.

00:03:05.020 I think there was a couple from last week

00:03:06.440 that didn't get answered

00:03:07.200 and we'll get those

00:03:08.680 and then we'll get the rest on product.

00:03:10.680 What were we going to do it on?

00:03:11.920 Oh, fulfillment and purpose

00:03:14.360 and meaning in our lives,

00:03:15.360 but we'll see what

00:03:16.420 these first two questions are.

00:03:17.900 All right.

00:03:18.500 Sounds good.

00:03:19.480 So Josh Hubbler

00:03:20.400 from the Battleteen Crusader

00:03:22.500 actually in the Iron Council.

00:03:24.960 If you lost everything,

00:03:26.580 what would your next move be

00:03:28.620 to start back on the right path?

00:03:31.140 How would you keep yourself

00:03:32.240 from falling into

00:03:33.140 a negative victim mindset?

00:03:37.180 Man, that's tough.

00:03:38.080 Okay.

00:03:38.280 So if I lost everything

00:03:39.280 in the spirit of this,

00:03:40.360 I have ideas,

00:03:41.100 but I'm like,

00:03:41.400 no, in the spirit of the question,

00:03:42.580 let me make some assumptions here.

00:03:44.260 So nobody's helping me out.

00:03:46.020 I don't want family to help me.

00:03:47.560 There's no,

00:03:48.080 like, it's just me, myself,

00:03:49.540 and I on the path,

00:03:52.320 the road to redemption.

00:03:53.680 Okay.

00:03:54.120 So what would I do here?

00:03:56.520 And I'm trying to think,

00:03:57.580 like, if I literally lost everything,

00:03:59.560 you know,

00:03:59.760 I had the clothes I was wearing

00:04:02.060 and that's it.

00:04:03.900 And maybe a driver's license.

00:04:05.460 Can you give me that?

00:04:06.320 If I have that,

00:04:07.140 then we'll do the rest.

00:04:09.220 Yeah.

00:04:11.540 I think, okay.

00:04:12.400 So the first thing I would do

00:04:14.200 is I would probably go to see,

00:04:19.220 I mean, I need somewhere to stay, right?

00:04:22.300 So I have to figure that out.

00:04:23.920 Okay.

00:04:24.040 Where am I going to stay?

00:04:25.060 And so I'd look for

00:04:26.260 just some local support options

00:04:28.840 or I'd call up some friends

00:04:30.120 if I had those friends

00:04:30.960 and say, hey man,

00:04:31.500 can I crash on your couch

00:04:32.400 for a couple of days

00:04:33.200 or a couple of weeks

00:04:33.900 until I get my feet under me?

00:04:35.820 I'd call you up, Kip,

00:04:36.780 is what I'd do.

00:04:37.220 And I'd say, hey,

00:04:37.660 let me crash in your basement

00:04:38.600 for two weeks.

00:04:42.280 And then from there,

00:04:43.380 I would just,

00:04:43.840 I'd go get a job.

00:04:45.760 If I had to work at McDonald's

00:04:48.440 or, you know,

00:04:49.840 work at,

00:04:51.260 I don't know,

00:04:51.780 some entry level position,

00:04:53.140 I would just go get a job.

00:04:55.880 And I wouldn't be beneath

00:04:57.140 doing that work

00:04:57.940 because I need the cashflow

00:04:59.400 and eventually I'd find my own place.

00:05:01.500 But here's,

00:05:02.880 that's some details

00:05:04.260 of what I would do.

00:05:05.020 But the most important thing

00:05:06.340 I would do

00:05:06.780 is I would start

00:05:07.360 putting myself

00:05:08.120 in positions

00:05:08.960 of other important,

00:05:11.560 powerful movers

00:05:12.400 and shakers.

00:05:13.260 That's what I would do.

00:05:14.660 I'd start going

00:05:15.440 to rotary meetings,

00:05:16.940 chamber of commerce meetings,

00:05:18.780 local business networking functions,

00:05:22.280 all the things.

00:05:23.680 Again,

00:05:23.940 it'd have to be free

00:05:24.740 because I don't have

00:05:25.220 any money yet.

00:05:26.020 But that's what I would do.

00:05:27.440 I'd just go around

00:05:28.460 and meet people

00:05:29.760 and connect

00:05:30.640 and talk about

00:05:31.700 what I'm good at,

00:05:32.500 find out what they're good at.

00:05:33.580 And here's another thing

00:05:34.800 I would do.

00:05:35.660 If I had nothing,

00:05:37.060 you might think,

00:05:37.920 well,

00:05:38.040 I don't have anything

00:05:38.620 to offer anybody.

00:05:39.900 But here's where

00:05:40.660 you can be valuable

00:05:41.560 in spite of having

00:05:43.300 anything valuable to offer.

00:05:45.460 If you can be

00:05:46.600 the middleman,

00:05:47.740 and that's what I call it,

00:05:48.520 the middleman,

00:05:49.140 we want to be the middleman

00:05:50.380 in these transactions.

00:05:51.620 And what does that look like?

00:05:52.480 So Kip,

00:05:53.220 let's say I'm at a networking event

00:05:54.560 and I introduce myself.

00:05:56.480 I'm like,

00:05:56.720 hey,

00:05:56.860 I'm Ryan,

00:05:57.400 you're Kip,

00:05:57.860 and you tell me what you do.

00:05:59.800 And you tell me

00:06:00.720 that your organization

00:06:01.720 is hiring an IT support person

00:06:04.300 and you just,

00:06:05.780 you need some help

00:06:06.600 in that department.

00:06:07.200 You haven't found

00:06:07.660 good quality candidates.

00:06:09.100 And I remember

00:06:10.040 that just last week

00:06:11.980 I met Nathan

00:06:13.480 at the B&I meeting

00:06:15.620 and he is an IT professional

00:06:18.900 and he's not happy

00:06:19.940 with his current job.

00:06:22.520 So I get on the phone

00:06:23.540 with Nathan.

00:06:24.080 Hey, Nathan,

00:06:24.620 I've got a guy

00:06:25.300 I met this week.

00:06:26.220 He's looking for an IT guy,

00:06:27.540 great company,

00:06:28.200 seems to be pretty reputable.

00:06:29.940 Can I make a connection?

00:06:32.080 And then I call you

00:06:32.960 and I say,

00:06:33.340 hey, Kip,

00:06:34.020 I talked with Nathan.

00:06:35.140 He actually is looking

00:06:36.160 for additional work.

00:06:37.120 Can I make a connection?

00:06:38.740 And then I introduce you to.

00:06:40.660 And I do that over

00:06:41.920 and over

00:06:42.800 and over

00:06:43.600 and over again.

00:06:44.500 And before you know it,

00:06:45.320 you become somebody

00:06:46.140 who's the middleman,

00:06:47.220 the connector,

00:06:47.820 the one who understands

00:06:49.220 what everybody needs

00:06:50.680 and what everybody wants

00:06:51.600 and has the solutions.

00:06:53.280 So I think the networking component

00:06:54.980 is huge

00:06:55.660 and that's going to help

00:06:56.220 create opportunities for you.

00:06:57.380 And there's a lot

00:06:58.140 of other things,

00:06:58.760 but that's kind of

00:06:59.360 where I would start.

00:07:00.720 Yeah.

00:07:01.080 Let me add a little bit

00:07:02.320 to Josh's question here

00:07:03.640 because I have a feeling

00:07:05.020 he's,

00:07:07.120 the second part

00:07:08.120 of his question

00:07:08.700 is falling into

00:07:09.640 the negative victim mindset,

00:07:11.260 right?

00:07:12.040 So let's go there

00:07:13.560 a little bit.

00:07:14.160 I want to get your response

00:07:15.300 there.

00:07:15.680 It's like the feeling,

00:07:18.080 right?

00:07:18.380 I have lost everything.

00:07:19.320 Maybe you didn't

00:07:19.800 have lost everything,

00:07:20.520 but you felt like you have,

00:07:21.860 right?

00:07:22.440 Your wife leaves you.

00:07:23.860 You feel alone.

00:07:26.080 You don't feel appreciated

00:07:27.380 at work.

00:07:28.000 Like you feel like

00:07:29.920 everything is against you.

00:07:32.380 How do you rise in that

00:07:34.500 from a mindset perspective,

00:07:36.120 right?

00:07:38.240 To then start taking the action

00:07:39.900 that you're talking about?

00:07:42.740 Yeah.

00:07:43.200 I mean,

00:07:43.420 one of the things

00:07:44.000 that you often talk about,

00:07:45.120 maybe I missed that

00:07:45.820 in the first part of that.

00:07:46.920 So maybe I went off

00:07:47.700 on a completely unrelated tangent

00:07:49.580 when I shared that.

00:07:50.400 But one of the things

00:07:52.220 that you often talk about,

00:07:53.700 Kip,

00:07:53.900 is the gap and the gain

00:07:55.000 and the book,

00:07:56.220 The Gap and the Gain.

00:07:57.160 And I believe that

00:07:58.100 where we put our attention,

00:07:59.780 our activity follows.

00:08:01.860 So if I focus

00:08:03.780 on all of the bad

00:08:05.020 and horrible things

00:08:05.840 that have happened to me,

00:08:06.960 I'm only accentuating

00:08:08.380 all the bad

00:08:08.980 and horrible things

00:08:09.680 that have happened to me.

00:08:10.500 And I start painting myself

00:08:11.820 as a victim

00:08:12.960 very quickly

00:08:13.860 when I do that.

00:08:15.080 Because let's be honest,

00:08:17.340 there is some victimization

00:08:19.560 that takes place in life.

00:08:21.400 You know,

00:08:21.640 somebody mistreats you,

00:08:23.220 somebody takes advantage of you,

00:08:25.460 you know,

00:08:26.640 you get passed over

00:08:27.680 for a promotion

00:08:28.560 because of a personal beef

00:08:30.260 that you might have

00:08:30.960 with an individual.

00:08:32.240 Like,

00:08:32.540 these things happen.

00:08:34.280 Yeah.

00:08:34.880 We don't need to be

00:08:36.020 unrealistic

00:08:36.980 about what's going on,

00:08:39.060 but if we focus on that,

00:08:40.600 then we'll just attract

00:08:41.460 more of that to our life

00:08:42.500 or at least accentuate it

00:08:43.940 and give ourselves

00:08:45.040 a bad attitude

00:08:46.020 which only exacerbates

00:08:47.540 the problem.

00:08:48.060 If,

00:08:49.980 however,

00:08:50.320 and you said this,

00:08:51.060 you didn't actually

00:08:51.940 lose everything,

00:08:53.140 losing everything

00:08:53.820 is a lot.

00:08:55.720 I don't know if any,

00:08:56.840 but losing everything

00:08:57.900 would be you dying,

00:08:58.980 essentially.

00:09:00.200 Yeah.

00:09:00.620 You haven't lost everything.

00:09:02.020 You still have your health,

00:09:03.300 you still have your energy,

00:09:04.900 you still have your vitality,

00:09:06.340 you still have the skill sets

00:09:07.560 that you have,

00:09:08.280 you still have connections

00:09:09.260 that you've made.

00:09:10.820 There's a lot

00:09:11.820 that you have

00:09:12.660 even when you think

00:09:13.600 you have very little.

00:09:14.520 And if you spend

00:09:15.900 more time thinking

00:09:16.800 about the gain,

00:09:19.240 meaning what you have,

00:09:21.460 the friendships

00:09:21.940 that you have,

00:09:23.160 the professional

00:09:23.880 and personal accomplishments

00:09:25.180 that you've done

00:09:25.960 in your life,

00:09:26.540 that's going to

00:09:28.020 exacerbate that.

00:09:29.220 You're going to have

00:09:29.760 more of that in your life.

00:09:30.900 People are going to want

00:09:31.940 to be around you.

00:09:33.000 They're going to want

00:09:33.840 to present opportunities

00:09:34.840 for you.

00:09:36.700 Negativity has no space

00:09:38.160 in your life

00:09:38.660 other than just

00:09:39.500 these are the facts.

00:09:41.480 Lost my job.

00:09:43.060 Okay,

00:09:43.200 don't need to get

00:09:43.740 negative about it.

00:09:44.520 Just,

00:09:44.900 you've got to find

00:09:45.320 a new job.

00:09:47.320 Dealing with a medical condition,

00:09:48.860 you don't need

00:09:49.180 to get negative about it.

00:09:50.420 You need to address

00:09:51.520 what needs to happen

00:09:52.280 so you can overcome

00:09:53.080 this medical condition

00:09:53.960 you're dealing with.

00:09:55.340 Easier said than done

00:09:56.260 when you're not

00:09:56.640 in the midst of it,

00:09:57.360 but that is the reality

00:09:58.400 of the situation.

00:10:00.620 Yeah.

00:10:00.980 I mean,

00:10:01.460 a few things that come to mind

00:10:02.780 and I'm still in this

00:10:03.820 from your playbook

00:10:04.840 is sometimes you talk about

00:10:07.380 when we feel a little bit stuck,

00:10:09.660 mixing it up

00:10:10.700 a little bit,

00:10:11.560 right?

00:10:11.820 And so I think

00:10:13.580 deal in reality,

00:10:14.620 right?

00:10:14.980 Like,

00:10:15.280 okay,

00:10:15.800 like don't kick the can

00:10:17.520 and you even mentioned

00:10:18.620 this this morning

00:10:19.280 on our all hands call

00:10:20.260 in the Iron Council

00:10:21.040 that sometimes guys

00:10:23.640 when they're struggling

00:10:24.440 with their finances,

00:10:25.340 what do they do?

00:10:26.100 They don't look

00:10:27.180 at the balance.

00:10:28.340 When we're struggling

00:10:29.160 with our weight,

00:10:29.800 we don't look

00:10:30.600 at the scale.

00:10:31.980 So,

00:10:32.300 and that's a form

00:10:33.040 of not dealing

00:10:34.040 in reality.

00:10:35.000 So I think

00:10:35.440 step number one

00:10:36.720 is dealing reality.

00:10:39.100 This is difficult,

00:10:40.180 right?

00:10:41.440 My wife stepped out

00:10:42.400 on me.

00:10:43.360 My,

00:10:43.760 I missed that promotion.

00:10:45.140 I don't feel that,

00:10:46.000 like whatever it is,

00:10:47.140 just deal with what's so

00:10:49.040 and then immediately

00:10:50.900 move to action

00:10:52.060 as quickly as possible.

00:10:53.520 I found this fascinating.

00:10:55.400 I learned about this

00:10:56.280 last week

00:10:56.940 that a study

00:10:58.800 has proven

00:10:59.660 that motivation,

00:11:01.260 guess when it shows up?

00:11:03.340 Not before action.

00:11:04.840 It doesn't show up

00:11:07.080 before action

00:11:07.880 but yet we think,

00:11:09.300 well,

00:11:09.380 I'm not really motivated.

00:11:10.660 No,

00:11:10.800 no,

00:11:10.880 no.

00:11:11.100 You don't get motivated.

00:11:13.020 You start acting

00:11:14.560 and then you get motivated.

00:11:16.260 So I would move

00:11:17.000 to action

00:11:17.460 as quickly as possible.

00:11:19.400 Don't overthink it

00:11:20.360 and start taking action

00:11:21.640 towards the thing

00:11:22.680 that is causing you

00:11:24.180 to feel

00:11:24.780 that you've lost everything.

00:11:27.340 I think

00:11:27.800 once you start doing that,

00:11:28.940 you get momentum,

00:11:29.760 you get some reps,

00:11:31.100 right?

00:11:31.260 And you get some motivation

00:11:33.320 along with it.

00:11:37.020 Yeah,

00:11:37.500 I would also say,

00:11:38.700 you know,

00:11:38.860 and I agree with everything

00:11:39.740 you just shared there, Kip.

00:11:40.760 I'd also say

00:11:41.640 do not over-index

00:11:43.160 the feelings

00:11:44.080 that you're experiencing

00:11:45.120 in the circumstances

00:11:46.300 that you are.

00:11:48.760 I mean,

00:11:49.380 it's there,

00:11:49.960 right?

00:11:50.260 And those feelings,

00:11:51.440 I believe,

00:11:52.100 even the so-called negative ones

00:11:53.560 are there to serve you.

00:11:54.660 If you're feeling bad

00:11:55.620 about something,

00:11:56.400 maybe it's because

00:11:57.240 you ought to be feeling

00:11:58.180 bad about something.

00:11:59.760 And so you don't want

00:12:00.520 to be dismissive

00:12:01.480 of that feeling,

00:12:02.100 but you don't want

00:12:02.780 to over-index it.

00:12:04.080 What I mean by that

00:12:04.960 is make it mean

00:12:06.540 something about you.

00:12:07.820 I'm a horrible person.

00:12:09.380 I'm no good.

00:12:10.940 I'm not useful.

00:12:12.700 I'll never accomplish

00:12:14.240 anything great.

00:12:16.300 That's over-indexing.

00:12:17.720 You're just putting

00:12:18.400 too much of an emphasis

00:12:19.520 on the feeling,

00:12:20.360 the emotion behind it.

00:12:21.360 It's just an indicator.

00:12:22.720 When I'm driving

00:12:23.580 down the road

00:12:24.240 and the check engine

00:12:25.100 light comes on

00:12:25.800 or the fuel light

00:12:26.400 comes on,

00:12:28.080 I don't lose my cool

00:12:30.340 and say,

00:12:30.860 I'm a loser

00:12:31.620 because the check

00:12:32.360 engine light

00:12:32.900 just came on

00:12:33.640 and then I do

00:12:34.580 something crazy.

00:12:35.680 I jerk the wheel

00:12:36.300 and wrap my truck

00:12:37.340 around the next

00:12:38.240 telephone pole

00:12:39.040 because I lost

00:12:39.760 my damn mind.

00:12:41.320 But that's what we do

00:12:42.520 as human beings

00:12:43.180 when we get emotional

00:12:44.040 is we over-index it,

00:12:46.740 we put too much weight

00:12:47.880 and emphasis on it

00:12:48.860 and then we end up

00:12:49.660 doing something stupid.

00:12:51.780 Instead,

00:12:53.040 the check engine

00:12:53.680 light comes on,

00:12:55.320 maybe you slow down,

00:12:56.260 maybe you get off

00:12:56.760 the freeway,

00:12:57.440 maybe you drive

00:12:58.000 into the local mechanic,

00:12:58.960 you have them

00:12:59.600 take a look at it,

00:13:00.460 have them reset it,

00:13:01.280 have them fix

00:13:01.700 whatever's going on.

00:13:03.080 If the fuel light

00:13:05.040 indicator comes on,

00:13:06.580 roll into the next

00:13:07.380 gas station,

00:13:09.360 fill it up

00:13:10.100 and get back on

00:13:10.920 about your way.

00:13:11.560 It means nothing.

00:13:12.400 It's just a step

00:13:14.040 along the journey.

00:13:16.040 Yeah,

00:13:16.640 just an indicator.

00:13:17.780 I love it.

00:13:18.560 All right,

00:13:18.800 we're going to hop

00:13:19.320 into questions

00:13:19.960 related specifically

00:13:21.440 around purpose,

00:13:22.720 meaning,

00:13:23.180 identity,

00:13:23.660 and fulfillment.

00:13:24.480 Brad Peterson,

00:13:26.720 how much of this

00:13:27.840 relates personally

00:13:28.980 to your view

00:13:29.840 of a man biblically

00:13:31.140 and in what ways?

00:13:36.000 The purpose

00:13:37.160 and the passion,

00:13:37.880 how much relates

00:13:38.600 to that for me

00:13:40.000 as a man

00:13:40.520 from a biblical perspective?

00:13:42.440 Yeah, I think so.

00:13:44.240 Look,

00:13:44.720 I'm not going to pretend

00:13:46.120 I'm a biblical scholar,

00:13:47.820 so if I come at it

00:13:49.420 from that angle,

00:13:49.980 I'm just going to sound

00:13:50.800 ignorant and dense

00:13:51.740 because I am.

00:13:52.420 So I know a little bit

00:13:54.040 and enough probably

00:13:54.720 to get me in trouble,

00:13:55.440 but I will tell you

00:13:56.760 it is very spiritually based.

00:13:59.760 I believe,

00:14:01.120 you know,

00:14:01.620 as Maximus and Gladiator says,

00:14:04.100 what we do

00:14:04.980 echoes in eternity.

00:14:06.660 And I also believe

00:14:08.000 that we have been placed here

00:14:10.120 in this situation,

00:14:12.360 our worldly existence,

00:14:13.660 for a real purpose.

00:14:16.660 Kip,

00:14:16.860 you have an incredible set

00:14:18.240 of God-given gifts,

00:14:19.720 talents,

00:14:20.280 abilities,

00:14:20.740 even experiences

00:14:22.080 that he's presented you

00:14:23.280 that make you

00:14:24.580 who you are.

00:14:26.100 And it makes you

00:14:27.400 capable of doing

00:14:28.540 some really incredible things.

00:14:30.580 And I believe

00:14:31.300 that you found

00:14:32.140 a lot of that

00:14:32.920 in your life.

00:14:33.440 You've discovered

00:14:33.980 a lot of that

00:14:34.520 in your life.

00:14:35.560 I have other skills.

00:14:37.460 Some of them overlap

00:14:38.300 with what you're good at.

00:14:39.260 Some of them are unique

00:14:40.120 and different

00:14:40.580 than what they are for you.

00:14:42.380 And every opportunity,

00:14:44.180 every experience,

00:14:45.460 every even hardship

00:14:46.280 is something

00:14:47.700 that God has provided

00:14:49.400 as an opportunity

00:14:50.780 for me to develop

00:14:51.900 and hone skills

00:14:52.840 that are designed

00:14:53.680 to serve people.

00:14:55.020 And I believe

00:14:56.000 that I have found

00:14:57.620 what that is.

00:14:59.600 My job

00:15:00.520 is to be

00:15:01.680 the best man

00:15:02.580 that I can possibly be

00:15:03.740 and help other people

00:15:05.360 do the same.

00:15:06.560 And there is an infinite

00:15:07.700 number of ways

00:15:08.400 to do that,

00:15:09.000 but that is my

00:15:10.220 spiritual mandate.

00:15:12.580 I have been commanded

00:15:13.680 to do that.

00:15:14.820 And that's what I do.

00:15:16.820 So,

00:15:17.200 is that biblical?

00:15:18.660 Probably you could find

00:15:20.040 a number of verses

00:15:22.140 that speak to

00:15:23.220 what I just shared.

00:15:24.040 I don't know what they are,

00:15:25.100 but that's what I believe.

00:15:29.260 I love that.

00:15:30.120 I mentioned this

00:15:31.240 last week

00:15:32.280 and I'm,

00:15:33.320 you know,

00:15:33.700 hasn't changed

00:15:34.500 in the week

00:15:35.280 since last week's recording.

00:15:37.320 Interesting.

00:15:37.720 But,

00:15:37.920 but I,

00:15:38.600 yeah,

00:15:38.740 I know.

00:15:39.360 Not yet.

00:15:40.140 It might.

00:15:41.000 A full disclosure

00:15:41.720 and it should,

00:15:42.820 right?

00:15:43.040 If,

00:15:43.340 if I see it differently

00:15:44.380 and I should pick it.

00:15:45.300 It should evolve.

00:15:46.120 It should evolve.

00:15:46.680 Yeah.

00:15:47.560 But,

00:15:48.500 I'm a huge believer

00:15:49.720 that meaning

00:15:51.320 and fulfillment

00:15:52.480 in life

00:15:53.180 is in

00:15:53.900 the space

00:15:55.260 of serving

00:15:56.400 and loving others.

00:15:59.080 Period.

00:15:59.600 the irony of that

00:16:02.580 is I could go

00:16:04.120 non-religious

00:16:04.900 and come up with

00:16:06.160 why that is so

00:16:07.320 and find evidence

00:16:08.740 of that

00:16:09.140 from a non-biblical

00:16:10.220 perspective

00:16:10.840 and then on the same token

00:16:12.680 I can open up,

00:16:14.360 read the Ten Commandments

00:16:15.420 and see that

00:16:16.000 the second commandment

00:16:16.980 is love thy neighbor

00:16:17.880 and go,

00:16:19.820 well,

00:16:19.960 geez,

00:16:20.880 I wonder why,

00:16:21.840 right?

00:16:22.060 and see constant

00:16:23.320 correlation

00:16:23.880 between,

00:16:24.680 you know,

00:16:25.880 what I believe

00:16:26.680 just the psychology

00:16:28.480 of it

00:16:29.100 and what it means

00:16:29.880 to be,

00:16:30.600 you know,

00:16:30.860 because,

00:16:31.620 well,

00:16:31.820 let me pause

00:16:32.380 for a second.

00:16:33.000 One of the top

00:16:33.780 psychological needs

00:16:35.600 of all humans

00:16:36.360 is a sense

00:16:37.480 of belonging

00:16:38.180 and relatedness.

00:16:40.500 We seek it.

00:16:41.720 It's in our DNA.

00:16:43.820 Well,

00:16:44.160 one way to do that

00:16:45.120 is to serve people,

00:16:47.200 right?

00:16:47.400 To be,

00:16:47.940 to know

00:16:48.540 that you're making

00:16:49.440 a difference

00:16:49.920 in someone's lives.

00:16:50.740 You could come

00:16:52.120 to that conclusion

00:16:52.760 on your own

00:16:53.280 just looking at psychology

00:16:54.320 and you could come

00:16:55.740 to that conclusion

00:16:56.400 by opening up the Bible

00:16:57.740 and reading

00:16:59.360 what God asks us to do

00:17:01.360 and so,

00:17:02.260 for me,

00:17:02.940 absolutely,

00:17:04.080 but what's so great

00:17:06.180 about principles

00:17:06.860 is they're transcendent.

00:17:08.300 They're transcendent

00:17:09.100 across religions.

00:17:10.540 They're transcendent

00:17:11.400 in multiple elements

00:17:13.500 of life

00:17:13.940 and when it starts

00:17:14.920 popping up

00:17:15.700 in all areas,

00:17:17.020 I think that's

00:17:17.660 when you know

00:17:18.480 that you're onto

00:17:19.220 something solid.

00:17:19.920 I'll share

00:17:20.380 one other thought.

00:17:21.880 My opinion,

00:17:23.140 you know what gospel is?

00:17:25.220 It's truth,

00:17:26.440 period.

00:17:27.580 Any form of truth

00:17:28.820 is gospel

00:17:29.880 and so,

00:17:31.560 I see all of that

00:17:32.860 as a religious,

00:17:34.100 spiritual,

00:17:34.760 gospel thing

00:17:35.580 whenever there's truth

00:17:37.040 being found

00:17:37.700 and so,

00:17:38.340 all principles

00:17:38.880 in my world

00:17:40.360 are forms of religion

00:17:41.920 and principles

00:17:43.200 by which I should

00:17:43.900 live my life.

00:17:44.500 I really like

00:17:47.940 that you talked

00:17:48.980 about it being

00:17:49.920 universal.

00:17:51.140 You can explain

00:17:51.900 truth secularly

00:17:53.260 or through faith

00:17:55.000 and if it really

00:17:56.580 can stand

00:17:57.160 on its own merit,

00:17:57.920 then you know

00:17:58.440 it's more likely

00:17:59.200 to be true

00:17:59.940 than not true.

00:18:02.800 One thing

00:18:03.900 that came to mind

00:18:04.500 as you were saying

00:18:05.080 this is

00:18:05.940 when we talk

00:18:07.860 about stoicism

00:18:08.580 as a group,

00:18:09.600 as an organization,

00:18:10.960 inevitably,

00:18:11.300 I have Christians

00:18:12.300 who will say,

00:18:13.140 oh,

00:18:13.760 this is horrible.

00:18:14.760 You should not

00:18:15.260 be teaching stoicism.

00:18:16.520 You should only

00:18:17.020 be teaching Christianity.

00:18:18.440 I'm like,

00:18:18.780 what are you talking about?

00:18:20.140 They're the same thing.

00:18:22.240 They're literally

00:18:23.120 the same thing

00:18:24.000 explained

00:18:24.700 in a different way.

00:18:26.080 There's a book

00:18:26.540 called The Guide

00:18:27.200 to the Good Life

00:18:27.900 and it's based

00:18:28.620 on stoic principles

00:18:30.560 and it's fascinating

00:18:32.880 to me

00:18:33.440 that so many

00:18:34.680 individuals

00:18:35.280 are not willing

00:18:36.740 to look outside

00:18:37.780 of their gospel,

00:18:40.860 their dogma,

00:18:41.520 maybe I should say,

00:18:42.300 in order to find

00:18:44.520 the truth

00:18:45.280 that exists

00:18:45.920 in other things.

00:18:46.920 Now,

00:18:47.180 as a Christian

00:18:48.260 and a Bible believer,

00:18:50.160 I don't think

00:18:51.020 reading other material

00:18:52.200 at the expense

00:18:53.160 of reading the Bible

00:18:53.940 is the right thing to do

00:18:54.980 but you can certainly

00:18:56.200 read books.

00:18:57.480 It is not of the devil

00:18:58.500 to consider other concepts

00:19:00.240 that actually support

00:19:01.540 Christianity

00:19:02.040 in a very secular,

00:19:04.200 practical way.

00:19:07.560 One thing that I do

00:19:08.720 and exercise

00:19:09.200 that I do

00:19:10.360 when I do pray

00:19:11.380 and I need

00:19:12.920 to pray more often

00:19:13.800 is that when I do,

00:19:15.860 I often ask

00:19:16.700 for God

00:19:17.160 to put me

00:19:17.760 in positions

00:19:18.500 where I can help people.

00:19:20.640 That's one of the things

00:19:21.740 that's important to me

00:19:22.600 and the other day

00:19:24.240 when I was traveling

00:19:24.860 back from Dallas,

00:19:26.160 I was running

00:19:27.360 just a few minutes behind

00:19:28.380 and I got to the kiosk

00:19:30.000 to get my bag tag

00:19:31.420 and turned around

00:19:33.180 and I saw this lady

00:19:34.180 and she was crouched over.

00:19:35.860 She was hunched over

00:19:36.640 and her hands

00:19:37.120 were on her knees

00:19:37.800 and it looked weird.

00:19:39.760 I was like,

00:19:40.260 I don't know what's going on

00:19:41.020 and then it looked like

00:19:42.420 her legs were getting wobbly

00:19:43.840 and so I just ran over there

00:19:45.620 and I grabbed her

00:19:46.360 by the arm

00:19:47.160 and she just kind of

00:19:49.260 collapsed a little bit

00:19:50.360 and somebody,

00:19:51.100 what's that?

00:19:52.020 Just joking.

00:19:52.900 Grabbed her by the arm

00:19:53.700 and pushed her over

00:19:54.360 and got on the plane

00:19:55.780 and stole her seat.

00:19:57.220 I noticed you have

00:20:00.220 her first class tag.

00:20:05.200 So she's kind of,

00:20:06.260 and I,

00:20:06.960 you know,

00:20:07.160 her husband,

00:20:07.660 I think it was her husband

00:20:08.420 or the guy that she was with,

00:20:09.960 he grabbed her other arm

00:20:10.820 and we just,

00:20:11.340 we lowered her to the ground

00:20:12.300 and I'm not sure

00:20:12.880 if she was having a stroke

00:20:14.080 or if she was having

00:20:15.880 some muscular nervous system issue.

00:20:18.900 I'm not sure what it was

00:20:19.940 but anyways,

00:20:21.740 her husband kind of took over

00:20:23.660 and somebody,

00:20:25.140 security came over

00:20:26.220 and they got her a wheelchair

00:20:27.200 and got her up

00:20:27.840 and I ended up leaving

00:20:28.840 but,

00:20:30.280 you know,

00:20:30.880 I thought

00:20:31.480 that's just a small example.

00:20:34.800 Like how,

00:20:35.200 how many times

00:20:36.820 do we have little small things

00:20:38.620 where we can help somebody

00:20:40.060 who's struggling

00:20:40.720 and,

00:20:42.080 and we don't do it

00:20:42.880 whether it's because

00:20:43.680 we're pressed for time

00:20:44.800 or we're oblivious

00:20:46.480 to the fact

00:20:47.000 that there's other people around us

00:20:48.560 and other things going on

00:20:49.940 and to your point

00:20:52.060 and to the point of this podcast

00:20:53.820 on fulfillment,

00:20:54.900 when you serve other people,

00:20:56.980 you will find fulfillment.

00:21:00.420 Whether we're talking

00:21:01.520 Christianity or secular,

00:21:03.320 when you help other people,

00:21:04.960 you will feel better.

00:21:06.380 So maybe it's selfish

00:21:07.340 in some ways

00:21:08.160 but hey,

00:21:08.700 it's a win-win.

00:21:10.560 Yeah,

00:21:11.180 absolutely.

00:21:13.060 Randy Norvell.

00:21:13.160 And you'll get a first class ticket

00:21:14.340 out of it every once in a while.

00:21:15.360 Yeah,

00:21:15.580 after you shove her over.

00:21:20.420 Randy Norvell.

00:21:21.300 It's dark, Kip.

00:21:22.420 I know.

00:21:23.000 What are some ways

00:21:24.100 to improve my listening

00:21:25.400 and memory?

00:21:26.860 I'm,

00:21:27.340 I,

00:21:27.520 I frustrate my wife

00:21:28.760 almost daily

00:21:29.660 by not remembering something

00:21:31.200 that she has said

00:21:32.360 and she has expressed

00:21:33.620 that it makes her feel

00:21:34.640 unheard

00:21:35.260 and unimportant to me.

00:21:37.140 Hmm.

00:21:38.180 Yeah.

00:21:39.380 This,

00:21:39.920 I've fallen into this trap too

00:21:41.540 where,

00:21:43.400 you know,

00:21:43.760 your wife

00:21:44.300 or your significant other

00:21:45.360 will say,

00:21:46.120 hey,

00:21:46.320 we're going to go

00:21:47.020 on this trip

00:21:47.720 in three weeks

00:21:48.480 and will you

00:21:49.880 take care of the,

00:21:51.040 the dog or something?

00:21:52.980 You're like,

00:21:53.340 yeah,

00:21:53.500 yeah,

00:21:53.660 yeah,

00:21:53.780 sure,

00:21:53.980 sure,

00:21:54.120 sure,

00:21:54.280 sure.

00:21:54.400 Yep,

00:21:54.700 absolutely.

00:21:55.780 Three days later,

00:21:56.520 she's like,

00:21:56.800 hey,

00:21:56.960 have you taken care

00:21:57.600 of the dog arrangements?

00:21:58.740 Oh,

00:21:59.020 oh yeah.

00:21:59.540 You know what?

00:22:00.040 I'm going to do it.

00:22:00.560 I'll do it.

00:22:00.840 I'll do it.

00:22:01.580 Three hours earlier,

00:22:02.700 she's like,

00:22:03.700 hey,

00:22:03.800 we're leaving.

00:22:04.160 You're like,

00:22:04.440 where are we going?

00:22:05.880 You don't even remember

00:22:06.900 you're leaving anywhere.

00:22:08.700 So,

00:22:09.060 so I think this is something

00:22:11.520 men fall into.

00:22:12.780 Yeah.

00:22:13.260 And then you say,

00:22:14.140 and then you say,

00:22:15.020 where are we going?

00:22:16.280 What about the dog?

00:22:17.920 Who's watching the dog?

00:22:19.760 Who took care of the dog?

00:22:21.540 Yeah.

00:22:23.440 So this is,

00:22:24.300 this is pretty universal,

00:22:25.360 I think,

00:22:25.860 for men,

00:22:26.380 but there's two things

00:22:28.520 that I would say

00:22:29.080 that have helped me.

00:22:31.500 Number one,

00:22:32.540 stop being so busy.

00:22:35.080 Stop doing so much.

00:22:36.740 You're doing too much.

00:22:38.760 You know,

00:22:38.880 and this is something

00:22:39.360 that I learned from Dwayne

00:22:40.600 and I already knew it,

00:22:42.740 but it was echoed

00:22:44.220 as I had this conversation

00:22:45.740 with Dwayne

00:22:46.220 and that,

00:22:46.540 that the last weekend

00:22:47.620 where I was out with him again,

00:22:48.620 no running water,

00:22:49.340 no electricity,

00:22:50.120 very simple life.

00:22:51.560 I got in late.

00:22:52.580 He put me in his tack shop

00:22:53.700 on the edge of his barn

00:22:54.620 with a twin bed

00:22:56.240 and I never slept

00:22:57.280 so good in my life.

00:22:58.880 It was simple.

00:23:00.140 It was no electronics.

00:23:01.800 It was,

00:23:02.480 it was,

00:23:02.920 it was great.

00:23:04.520 And he had said to me,

00:23:06.020 and I'm paraphrasing here

00:23:07.080 that everybody wants

00:23:08.800 to add to their life

00:23:09.780 more,

00:23:10.220 more,

00:23:10.480 more,

00:23:10.780 bigger,

00:23:11.080 better.

00:23:12.200 Everything's always add.

00:23:13.380 And he thinks

00:23:14.940 the guide to living

00:23:16.460 a better life

00:23:17.240 is by having less,

00:23:18.440 having fewer things,

00:23:20.580 fewer relationships,

00:23:22.800 fewer possessions,

00:23:24.580 fewer distractions.

00:23:26.000 We were sitting

00:23:26.540 on the porch

00:23:27.060 with him and his wife

00:23:27.960 and a couple

00:23:28.980 of his friends

00:23:29.780 who happened

00:23:30.140 to work with him

00:23:30.780 at the ranch there.

00:23:32.720 And he said,

00:23:33.500 you know,

00:23:34.100 it was pitch black.

00:23:35.100 It was probably,

00:23:35.940 I don't know,

00:23:36.800 eight o'clock at night.

00:23:37.660 It was pitch dark.

00:23:38.500 We're all sitting

00:23:38.940 on the porch.

00:23:39.520 So it was me,

00:23:41.220 his wife,

00:23:42.820 Tom,

00:23:43.220 his main guy,

00:23:44.740 Tom's wife,

00:23:45.460 and then one of his workers,

00:23:47.480 Mike from the Netherlands,

00:23:49.900 who's,

00:23:50.400 who's there to experience,

00:23:51.900 experience this

00:23:52.620 and be an apprentice

00:23:53.240 with him.

00:23:54.300 And he said to me,

00:23:55.400 he's like,

00:23:55.640 Ryan,

00:23:55.900 do you know,

00:23:56.200 can you believe

00:23:57.000 that there are some people

00:23:59.060 in the world right now

00:24:00.560 who are sitting inside

00:24:02.420 and watching an electronic box

00:24:05.360 that we call the television?

00:24:07.660 How unfortunate.

00:24:10.480 And it was fascinating,

00:24:12.120 like,

00:24:12.360 just the way

00:24:12.980 that he lives his life.

00:24:14.000 So the reason I say that

00:24:15.500 is stop doing so much.

00:24:18.040 What,

00:24:18.280 what can go?

00:24:19.440 What relationships can go?

00:24:21.640 What tasks can go?

00:24:23.620 What electronics

00:24:24.280 and possessions can go?

00:24:25.920 Get rid of that.

00:24:26.620 Number two,

00:24:27.180 systems.

00:24:28.080 Guys,

00:24:28.520 you have to have systems.

00:24:30.600 A simple thing

00:24:31.680 is when she says,

00:24:32.500 will you take care of the dog?

00:24:33.640 Where,

00:24:33.960 what,

00:24:34.480 what do you do

00:24:35.020 with that information?

00:24:35.680 You just leave it in your head

00:24:37.980 or does it go on

00:24:39.460 a to-do list

00:24:41.100 or into your calendar?

00:24:43.060 If it's not going here

00:24:44.500 or in a calendar,

00:24:45.620 you're probably not going

00:24:46.720 to remember to do it.

00:24:47.960 So what is your system?

00:24:49.660 And if you realize

00:24:50.400 that she's saying this a lot to you,

00:24:51.960 what she's saying

00:24:53.020 is that you're inefficient

00:24:54.240 because that's what it is.

00:24:57.940 You don't have a system

00:24:59.200 for managing your day

00:25:00.800 and your tasks

00:25:01.760 and your duties.

00:25:03.000 And that's a problem.

00:25:04.200 And she's recognizing

00:25:05.280 that as a problem.

00:25:06.600 And if you don't do anything

00:25:07.920 about it,

00:25:08.440 you're going to keep dropping

00:25:09.500 all the tasks

00:25:10.600 and all the balls

00:25:11.900 that you're juggling

00:25:12.500 and you're going to look

00:25:13.960 really bad

00:25:14.880 and undermine

00:25:15.660 a lot of trust

00:25:16.440 and credibility

00:25:17.020 that you currently have with her.

00:25:19.720 I did this in my marriage.

00:25:22.040 And it's part of the reason

00:25:23.340 there was so much contention

00:25:24.480 and animosity in that.

00:25:25.500 Not all of it,

00:25:26.040 but a part of it.

00:25:26.620 Yeah, it's, I was going to,

00:25:30.660 you just hit the point

00:25:32.440 that I want to reiterate

00:25:33.520 is the cost of this.

00:25:36.180 You know, you,

00:25:36.680 I think you covered everything

00:25:37.580 that, you know,

00:25:38.360 what we need to do

00:25:39.080 to ensure that we don't

00:25:40.240 drop the ball.

00:25:41.500 I love to get connected

00:25:42.880 to the cost.

00:25:43.660 And, and it's ironic

00:25:44.920 is you can be highly competent

00:25:46.880 and your character,

00:25:48.760 you could have strong character,

00:25:50.140 but if you're unreliable,

00:25:52.700 if you're a black box,

00:25:54.760 if people don't know

00:25:56.020 that they can lean on you,

00:25:57.960 you're not trustworthy.

00:26:01.520 And that sucks.

00:26:02.780 Like you could be a solid dude,

00:26:04.980 but if you don't take,

00:26:08.280 like if you don't prioritize

00:26:10.900 the importance of honoring commitment

00:26:13.640 and follow through,

00:26:16.380 it doesn't matter.

00:26:19.280 The great,

00:26:19.880 you can be a great character,

00:26:21.020 but guess what?

00:26:21.680 When people need you,

00:26:22.340 they're not calling you.

00:26:23.960 They're calling someone else.

00:26:25.500 Even if you have the answers,

00:26:27.080 even if you can serve them,

00:26:28.640 that's how critical this is.

00:26:31.300 Consistency around reliability

00:26:34.760 is critical for those

00:26:37.700 in a position

00:26:38.360 where you're serving

00:26:39.400 and people need you

00:26:41.820 and rely on you.

00:26:43.600 And so I just want to reemphasize

00:26:45.280 just how critical this is.

00:26:47.600 And, and part of me,

00:26:48.300 when I read your question, Randy,

00:26:49.580 and it's not nothing personal here, right?

00:26:51.380 But it's like, you know,

00:26:52.440 my wife,

00:26:53.260 she feels unheard

00:26:55.180 and unimportant.

00:26:57.160 That's kind of true.

00:27:00.040 It's kind of true.

00:27:02.100 Because guess what?

00:27:02.980 If I was having a phone call

00:27:04.260 with someone,

00:27:05.260 it was really important

00:27:06.380 that I remember,

00:27:07.380 guess what I would do?

00:27:08.080 I'd write that shit down.

00:27:10.800 You'd make it a priority.

00:27:12.060 Yeah.

00:27:12.360 I'd make it a priority.

00:27:13.700 I'd write it down.

00:27:14.500 I'd take notes

00:27:15.040 because why it's so important.

00:27:16.620 I don't want to forget.

00:27:18.460 But those people in our lives

00:27:20.240 where we feel like

00:27:21.380 we don't have to serve them,

00:27:23.120 that we have this expectation

00:27:24.500 that they'll just stick around.

00:27:27.180 We have a tendency

00:27:28.180 to put them on the back burner

00:27:29.560 and not treat them

00:27:31.960 how we should be treating them

00:27:33.200 and not making them a priority

00:27:36.220 as much as we should.

00:27:39.240 You know what it is, Kip, too?

00:27:40.620 And I'm writing some notes here

00:27:41.960 because these AMAs

00:27:44.240 are just as much for me

00:27:45.660 as they are for anybody

00:27:46.660 because we start riffing on it.

00:27:48.660 I'm like, oh, yeah,

00:27:49.220 I need to be better at this

00:27:50.160 and do this.

00:27:51.140 One thing I thought about

00:27:52.420 is men are generally

00:27:55.660 pretty good at the big things.

00:27:57.200 If the mortgage has to be paid,

00:28:00.800 we're going to get

00:28:01.380 the mortgage paid.

00:28:03.480 If the roof has a leak in it,

00:28:07.680 we're going to get the roof fixed.

00:28:09.240 It's a big thing.

00:28:10.160 It's a big deal.

00:28:11.440 You know what we're not good at?

00:28:12.600 The little things.

00:28:14.600 Your wife says,

00:28:15.320 hey, will you take out

00:28:15.980 the trash cans this morning

00:28:17.560 to the curb

00:28:18.040 before you go to work?

00:28:18.940 And you don't.

00:28:20.740 Or she says,

00:28:21.520 hey, on the way home,

00:28:22.220 can you pick up a gallon of milk?

00:28:23.380 Can you say, sure?

00:28:24.280 And you don't.

00:28:26.160 Or she says,

00:28:26.860 hey, will you help the kids

00:28:27.720 with their homework?

00:28:28.920 And you forget or get busy

00:28:30.120 or schedule a late night

00:28:30.980 meeting at work.

00:28:32.540 It's these little things

00:28:33.960 that I think over time,

00:28:35.320 it's like death by a thousand cuts.

00:28:38.320 I think you have to be

00:28:39.480 more intentional

00:28:40.420 about the little things

00:28:41.680 than you do

00:28:42.500 about the big things

00:28:44.360 because the big things

00:28:45.200 will get taken care of.

00:28:46.260 It's in front of your face.

00:28:47.360 You'll see it.

00:28:48.020 But those little things,

00:28:49.280 man, that is sinister.

00:28:51.860 It's devious.

00:28:53.100 And it'll creep up on you

00:28:54.640 so fast.

00:28:55.820 So if you say,

00:28:56.780 hey, hon,

00:28:57.800 I'm going to go to the store

00:29:00.940 and get some screws

00:29:02.040 for the cabinets

00:29:04.800 that we need to fix.

00:29:06.480 You better not forget that.

00:29:08.040 You better come home

00:29:09.200 with those screws.

00:29:10.460 You better.

00:29:11.800 It literally represents

00:29:14.140 your marriage.

00:29:15.380 And I know that sounds

00:29:16.580 like hyperbole.

00:29:18.100 It's not.

00:29:18.820 It represents your marriage.

00:29:20.420 Not,

00:29:20.820 she's not going to divorce you

00:29:22.000 if that's not the case,

00:29:23.160 but do it enough

00:29:24.100 and you're going to have

00:29:25.760 some real fracturing

00:29:26.720 in the relationship.

00:29:28.760 Yeah, absolutely.

00:29:29.960 The other thing

00:29:30.460 that I wanted to share on this

00:29:31.560 is I think there's

00:29:34.280 a common misconception

00:29:35.280 about creating safety

00:29:37.260 in relationships for people.

00:29:39.220 And I see this a lot

00:29:40.220 in the men's space.

00:29:41.060 A lot of it is

00:29:41.580 a feminized version,

00:29:43.340 I think,

00:29:43.780 of what a safe space means

00:29:44.920 for a romantic partner,

00:29:46.880 let's say.

00:29:47.880 And what we're often told

00:29:49.440 is that as men,

00:29:50.960 in order to create

00:29:51.780 a safe space,

00:29:52.640 we need to be vulnerable,

00:29:54.420 right?

00:29:55.240 Open up,

00:29:56.120 share with your feelings.

00:29:57.160 And look,

00:29:58.040 I will say there's

00:30:00.120 a time and a place for that.

00:30:02.140 I might not have said

00:30:03.000 that two years ago,

00:30:03.840 but I had a conversation

00:30:04.900 where I had to share

00:30:06.240 some things

00:30:06.680 that were really uncomfortable

00:30:07.520 for me

00:30:08.420 to my girlfriend.

00:30:09.960 And that was

00:30:10.860 me being vulnerable.

00:30:13.380 So I can attest

00:30:15.080 to the need

00:30:15.880 for that sometimes.

00:30:17.600 But that's not

00:30:18.500 what creates

00:30:19.020 a safe space,

00:30:19.800 I don't think.

00:30:21.340 I think what creates

00:30:22.780 a safe environment

00:30:23.840 for her

00:30:24.440 is predictable,

00:30:27.260 stable environments.

00:30:29.900 I think that

00:30:30.940 if she knows

00:30:32.260 that if you say

00:30:33.840 you're going to go

00:30:34.380 get milk

00:30:35.100 on the way home,

00:30:36.700 she's 100% certain

00:30:38.400 that you will get milk

00:30:39.680 on the way home

00:30:40.440 because you've proved it

00:30:41.520 time and time again.

00:30:43.120 That you will take

00:30:44.100 the trash out.

00:30:44.860 That you will pick up

00:30:45.700 those screws.

00:30:46.360 That you will not

00:30:46.940 schedule an appointment.

00:30:47.880 That you will schedule

00:30:49.100 the dog kenneling.

00:30:52.380 If you can do that,

00:30:54.280 then she is free

00:30:55.600 to be the woman

00:30:56.580 that you want her to be.

00:30:59.360 But if you don't do it,

00:31:01.220 then she has to get the milk.

00:31:02.860 And she has to take care

00:31:04.040 of the dog.

00:31:04.760 And she has to fix the roof.

00:31:06.280 And she has to fix the cabinets.

00:31:07.560 And she has to do

00:31:08.240 all the little things

00:31:09.120 that you said

00:31:10.000 you would be doing.

00:31:11.020 And then you have

00:31:11.720 the audacity to ask,

00:31:13.300 why is my wife

00:31:14.040 always tired?

00:31:15.720 Why doesn't she appreciate me?

00:31:19.080 Why is she acting

00:31:19.960 like a bitch?

00:31:21.560 Why do you think?

00:31:23.640 Do those little things, guys.

00:31:24.980 I wish I would have done

00:31:25.940 that more.

00:31:26.320 I'm doing those things now.

00:31:27.660 But it was huge.

00:31:29.260 It's huge when you do

00:31:30.060 and it's huge when you don't.

00:31:30.920 There is evidence

00:31:34.400 after evidence

00:31:35.660 of the importance

00:31:37.280 of consistency

00:31:38.300 and structure

00:31:39.260 for children growing up.

00:31:42.560 And the psychology

00:31:43.860 benefits

00:31:47.300 and negative consequences

00:31:49.120 of when that's lacking.

00:31:51.120 Structure is critical for kids.

00:31:54.020 And I also find this interesting.

00:31:55.760 And I think I've shared this before.

00:31:57.380 It's been a while, though.

00:31:58.500 But I find this fascinating.

00:32:00.560 I think we can relate it to this.

00:32:02.800 When a kid comes to you, Ryan,

00:32:05.100 when one of your kids

00:32:05.800 come to you and says,

00:32:07.000 hey, dad,

00:32:07.720 can I get an ice cream?

00:32:10.040 And you say,

00:32:11.580 maybe,

00:32:13.100 that is a higher dopamine hit

00:32:16.840 than a yes.

00:32:20.200 Isn't that crazy?

00:32:21.160 Hmm.

00:32:21.900 Interesting.

00:32:22.460 It's higher

00:32:23.100 because it's an anticipation

00:32:25.180 of a future state.

00:32:28.880 And so,

00:32:29.460 when we have unkept promises

00:32:32.080 constantly with people,

00:32:33.600 guess what we're doing?

00:32:34.580 Higher dopamine.

00:32:35.720 Yeah, I got that.

00:32:36.820 Yep, I got that.

00:32:37.960 And then the letdown

00:32:39.140 when you don't

00:32:40.040 is worse

00:32:41.560 than if you just said no.

00:32:45.400 Hmm.

00:32:46.280 Interesting.

00:32:46.960 So,

00:32:47.620 say no

00:32:48.240 if it's a no.

00:32:50.160 Say yes

00:32:50.860 if it's a yes.

00:32:51.680 But if you say yes

00:32:53.360 and don't say maybe.

00:32:56.640 But if you say yes or maybe,

00:32:58.700 man,

00:32:59.120 you got to follow through.

00:33:01.820 You have to.

00:33:02.960 And there's evidence

00:33:04.220 and the research

00:33:05.040 all around

00:33:05.980 just the different types

00:33:08.220 of chemical release

00:33:09.100 that we get

00:33:09.860 in these scenarios.

00:33:11.120 And when people let us down,

00:33:12.940 what that means.

00:33:13.840 There's so much interpretation

00:33:15.400 happening.

00:33:15.960 It's just crazy.

00:33:18.840 Yeah.

00:33:19.640 Yeah.

00:33:20.000 Interesting.

00:33:20.980 All right.

00:33:21.200 What's next?

00:33:21.480 We beat that one pretty good.

00:33:24.060 Yeah.

00:33:24.580 Joe Hicken.

00:33:25.260 How do you balance

00:33:26.300 chasing goals

00:33:27.080 while staying content

00:33:28.140 in the present?

00:33:29.480 Finding joy and peace

00:33:30.760 but embracing the grind.

00:33:32.660 I love to push myself

00:33:33.920 and I have hard times

00:33:35.060 shifting from my focus

00:33:36.300 to the present.

00:33:37.500 Oftentimes,

00:33:38.440 I have to remind myself

00:33:39.740 daily

00:33:40.820 that stopping

00:33:41.520 and playing with my kids

00:33:42.980 or going on a date

00:33:43.840 with my wife

00:33:44.440 is the best way

00:33:45.480 to invest my time.

00:33:47.000 But where I fall,

00:33:48.600 especially in the moment

00:33:49.680 when I'm supposed

00:33:50.680 to be present,

00:33:51.420 I'm still thinking

00:33:52.400 and talking about work,

00:33:54.300 coaching,

00:33:54.760 and future goals.

00:33:57.600 Yeah.

00:33:59.040 Isn't it interesting

00:34:00.000 when we talk about

00:34:00.880 being productive

00:34:01.560 and setting goals

00:34:02.660 that we never think

00:34:03.620 about that

00:34:04.060 in the context

00:34:04.580 of our families?

00:34:06.660 I know.

00:34:07.540 It always has to do

00:34:08.440 with your fitness

00:34:08.980 or your money.

00:34:09.620 Yep.

00:34:12.460 Tangible,

00:34:13.440 superficial things

00:34:16.200 or things that

00:34:17.080 just aren't as important

00:34:18.400 by default.

00:34:19.960 Well,

00:34:20.360 they are that important

00:34:21.220 and everybody would say

00:34:22.320 they're that important

00:34:23.100 but their behavior

00:34:23.860 says differently.

00:34:25.420 Yeah.

00:34:26.020 So,

00:34:26.500 and for me too,

00:34:27.380 like,

00:34:28.020 when I talk about goal setting,

00:34:29.640 I'm not talking

00:34:30.340 about family stuff

00:34:31.500 even though I said

00:34:33.560 nothing outside

00:34:34.460 of the words

00:34:35.160 goal setting.

00:34:36.440 So,

00:34:37.040 here's my proposal

00:34:38.000 for all of us.

00:34:39.620 that instead of

00:34:41.560 when we say

00:34:42.140 goal setting,

00:34:43.500 instead of simply

00:34:44.520 focusing on our finances

00:34:45.820 and career

00:34:46.360 and our bodies,

00:34:47.640 that we decide

00:34:49.200 we're also gonna focus

00:34:50.540 on our spirituality,

00:34:51.840 our mental and emotional

00:34:52.640 well-being

00:34:53.100 and our families.

00:34:55.540 And you're gonna do

00:34:56.660 the same goal setting

00:34:58.100 that you do

00:34:59.600 with your money,

00:35:02.380 with your working out.

00:35:04.260 So now,

00:35:05.700 when you get to take

00:35:07.520 your wife out

00:35:08.320 on a date,

00:35:08.940 it's a goal

00:35:10.740 of yours.

00:35:11.440 It's moving you

00:35:12.500 towards something

00:35:13.220 you have a desire

00:35:14.160 to have with her

00:35:14.960 which is a

00:35:15.580 powerful,

00:35:17.840 deeply connected,

00:35:19.200 intimate relationship

00:35:20.020 with her.

00:35:21.000 And this is part

00:35:22.020 of the way

00:35:22.540 that you do it.

00:35:23.100 The same way

00:35:23.600 going to the gym

00:35:24.340 is part of the way

00:35:25.800 that you get

00:35:26.340 strong and healthy.

00:35:28.480 The same way

00:35:29.420 that investing

00:35:30.160 $100 right now

00:35:31.260 or $1,000

00:35:31.940 or $10,000

00:35:32.800 is the way

00:35:33.800 that you build wealth.

00:35:34.880 and come up

00:35:37.840 with whatever

00:35:38.220 that looks like

00:35:38.800 for you.

00:35:39.680 Make her

00:35:40.400 the goal

00:35:41.720 or at least

00:35:42.880 the relationship

00:35:43.480 with her

00:35:44.060 the goal.

00:35:45.040 Make the relationship

00:35:45.860 with the kids

00:35:46.440 the goal.

00:35:47.380 This has worked

00:35:48.020 well for me,

00:35:48.480 my youngest son.

00:35:49.180 He's really into Pokemon.

00:35:50.800 And I was on that trip

00:35:52.120 last week

00:35:52.800 and he called me up

00:35:54.000 and he said,

00:35:55.160 hey dad,

00:35:55.440 when you get back,

00:35:56.060 can we go look

00:35:56.620 at some Pokemon cards?

00:35:57.820 I'm gonna earn some money

00:35:58.700 and then we can go

00:35:59.800 get some cards.

00:36:00.560 And I said,

00:36:00.860 yeah, that's awesome.

00:36:01.480 He's like,

00:36:01.840 yeah, I'm trying

00:36:02.220 to build

00:36:02.520 this complete set.

00:36:03.680 It's called Mega Evolution.

00:36:05.200 The fact that I know

00:36:05.940 that is astounding

00:36:06.940 but it's the newest set

00:36:08.380 of the Pokemon cards.

00:36:09.960 It's called Mega Evolution

00:36:11.160 and he's into it

00:36:12.820 and you know what?

00:36:13.300 I'm kind of into it

00:36:14.200 because he is.

00:36:14.940 I'm excited about it

00:36:15.680 because I see him

00:36:16.360 be excited about it

00:36:17.220 and he's like,

00:36:18.540 yeah, I'm missing

00:36:19.380 a few cards.

00:36:20.180 I'm missing

00:36:20.440 this rare illustrator card.

00:36:22.020 I'm like,

00:36:22.280 oh, the Bulbasaur?

00:36:24.020 Before I even thought

00:36:25.060 about it,

00:36:25.520 I even know

00:36:26.380 what the animals are now

00:36:27.800 or the Pokemon characters

00:36:29.120 are now

00:36:29.640 and he's like,

00:36:30.380 yeah, yeah, that one.

00:36:31.200 I'm into it

00:36:33.260 because he's into it.

00:36:34.780 So when he wants

00:36:36.060 to sit down

00:36:36.560 and he did yesterday morning,

00:36:37.680 he wanted to sit down

00:36:38.580 and put cards,

00:36:39.780 organize them

00:36:40.320 in his binder

00:36:40.840 by number

00:36:42.000 for the set.

00:36:43.560 I didn't feel put out.

00:36:45.320 I didn't feel like

00:36:46.200 I wasn't being productive.

00:36:47.700 I didn't feel like

00:36:48.520 there was something

00:36:49.040 I could be doing

00:36:49.720 that would be

00:36:50.100 a better use of my time.

00:36:51.740 He's the best use

00:36:52.920 of my time

00:36:53.600 because I'm deliberate

00:36:55.880 about it

00:36:56.360 and I know

00:36:56.900 what kind of relationship

00:36:57.760 I want to have with him.

00:36:58.820 Have you figured

00:37:01.060 that out for yourself?

00:37:01.960 If not,

00:37:02.560 that's the work

00:37:03.260 you need to do first.

00:37:05.040 And it's a testament

00:37:06.020 of what you've created.

00:37:07.500 I mean,

00:37:07.880 we know this,

00:37:09.620 right?

00:37:09.920 Iron Council,

00:37:10.940 we have four quadrants,

00:37:12.040 what we work on.

00:37:13.980 Those quadrants

00:37:14.940 aren't just contribution,

00:37:17.280 right?

00:37:18.620 There's an area

00:37:19.920 of spirituality

00:37:20.740 and mentality

00:37:21.600 and there's an area

00:37:22.400 for relationships.

00:37:23.440 There's a reason

00:37:24.240 for that

00:37:24.800 because we know

00:37:26.640 that we need

00:37:27.740 to be balanced

00:37:28.300 across all of those areas.

00:37:30.520 So,

00:37:31.240 let's love it.

00:37:32.000 Love it.

00:37:32.700 We're on the right path.

00:37:33.700 I think you're doing

00:37:34.240 something good.

00:37:35.340 Yeah,

00:37:35.580 I think so.

00:37:37.220 I hope so.

00:37:37.900 I've been doing it

00:37:38.400 for 10 years.

00:37:39.000 If it was wrong,

00:37:39.580 we're putting a lot of people

00:37:40.360 in the wrong direction.

00:37:41.880 So,

00:37:42.440 one exercise

00:37:45.280 that's been really helpful

00:37:46.940 for me

00:37:47.560 and I actually

00:37:48.400 haven't done this

00:37:49.040 for a while.

00:37:49.440 I need to do this

00:37:50.200 because the reason

00:37:52.500 that we moved

00:37:53.060 to career and money

00:37:54.000 and health

00:37:55.580 is because,

00:37:56.380 like you said,

00:37:56.800 it's really easy

00:37:57.340 to quantify.

00:37:58.020 It's very tangible.

00:37:59.280 I can just pull up

00:37:59.900 my bank account statement

00:38:00.760 and say,

00:38:01.060 yep,

00:38:01.180 I got more money

00:38:01.780 than yesterday.

00:38:02.380 I'm wealthier today.

00:38:04.340 I can jump on the scale

00:38:05.440 and say,

00:38:05.840 oh,

00:38:05.980 I lost two pounds.

00:38:06.960 I'm lighter

00:38:07.360 than I was yesterday.

00:38:08.340 That's easy.

00:38:11.120 But how do you quantify

00:38:12.180 being a better dad,

00:38:13.620 being a better husband?

00:38:14.960 Well,

00:38:15.700 you could ask

00:38:16.760 and this is something

00:38:18.620 I need to do

00:38:19.100 because it's been a while

00:38:19.780 is sit down

00:38:20.320 with your kids

00:38:20.860 and say,

00:38:21.280 hey guys,

00:38:21.800 like I've got a few

00:38:22.760 questions for you

00:38:23.580 and I want you

00:38:24.340 to be really honest

00:38:24.880 with me

00:38:25.200 and I need you

00:38:26.920 to rate me

00:38:27.580 on these few things.

00:38:29.540 So the questions are,

00:38:31.140 and I'm just,

00:38:31.800 I'm making this up

00:38:32.880 on the fly

00:38:33.360 and I've done

00:38:34.560 some of this before.

00:38:35.720 One question might be,

00:38:37.700 on a scale from one to ten,

00:38:39.100 with ten being the best,

00:38:40.540 how good am I

00:38:41.380 at spending

00:38:42.340 enough time

00:38:43.700 with each of you?

00:38:45.100 And maybe they say six.

00:38:47.440 Say,

00:38:47.680 okay,

00:38:47.920 good,

00:38:48.360 write it down.

00:38:49.360 Okay,

00:38:49.640 on a scale from one to ten,

00:38:51.220 when I do spend time

00:38:52.780 with you,

00:38:53.880 with ten being the best,

00:38:55.060 how present am I

00:38:56.500 in that moment

00:38:57.360 with you?

00:38:58.820 And they say,

00:38:59.360 well,

00:38:59.520 you're a three.

00:39:00.520 Okay,

00:39:01.320 got it.

00:39:02.480 Okay,

00:39:03.040 if you wanted me

00:39:05.380 to be a better dad,

00:39:06.160 you can wave

00:39:06.620 a magic wand

00:39:08.080 and you can change

00:39:09.180 one thing about me

00:39:10.260 and our relationship,

00:39:12.020 what would that one thing be?

00:39:13.820 And let's say they say,

00:39:15.500 well,

00:39:15.780 we just want you

00:39:16.440 to be more interested

00:39:17.260 in the things

00:39:17.760 that we're interested in.

00:39:19.280 Okay,

00:39:20.120 on a scale

00:39:20.860 from one to ten,

00:39:22.340 how interested

00:39:23.120 would you say I am

00:39:24.460 in the things

00:39:25.000 you're interested in?

00:39:25.860 And maybe they say five.

00:39:27.060 Good,

00:39:27.400 write it down.

00:39:28.360 Okay,

00:39:28.560 you're quantifying it all.

00:39:30.180 And then you do the work

00:39:31.380 for 90 days.

00:39:32.360 And I'm not going

00:39:32.880 to get into that

00:39:33.400 for the sake of time.

00:39:34.200 We've beat that one

00:39:35.240 to death too.

00:39:36.420 In 90 days,

00:39:37.260 you sit down with them

00:39:37.960 and you say,

00:39:38.340 hey kids,

00:39:38.720 do you remember

00:39:39.180 a couple months ago

00:39:41.040 we sat down

00:39:42.360 at the dinner table

00:39:43.040 and you rated me

00:39:43.980 and those were your numbers

00:39:45.780 and I wrote those numbers down?

00:39:47.840 And they say,

00:39:48.200 yeah,

00:39:48.320 well,

00:39:48.840 over the last 90 days

00:39:50.080 I've been doing

00:39:50.960 X,

00:39:51.460 Y,

00:39:51.700 and Z.

00:39:52.020 And you explain

00:39:52.580 what you've been doing.

00:39:53.740 Or maybe even

00:39:54.460 before you start doing it

00:39:55.500 you explain

00:39:56.000 and include them

00:39:56.500 in the process.

00:39:57.640 And then you say,

00:39:58.380 so can I sit down

00:39:59.480 with you guys again

00:40:00.260 and we can do

00:40:01.080 the same survey

00:40:01.860 and see if I stayed

00:40:02.960 the same,

00:40:03.840 got better,

00:40:04.460 or got worse?

00:40:06.580 And then you allow them

00:40:07.580 to answer those questions again.

00:40:08.820 And now maybe

00:40:09.460 you moved up

00:40:10.520 two points

00:40:11.200 in certain areas

00:40:12.480 and maybe you stayed

00:40:13.100 the same in an area

00:40:13.840 and maybe you moved

00:40:14.420 behind in another area.

00:40:15.960 This is how you quantify it.

00:40:17.280 And having

00:40:17.980 quantifiable objectives

00:40:20.960 is powerful for men.

00:40:23.500 Yeah,

00:40:24.120 spot on.

00:40:25.460 Sean Combs,

00:40:26.440 how do you help

00:40:27.420 your kids find purpose

00:40:28.780 inside your home

00:40:29.960 and in life

00:40:31.100 in general?

00:40:35.200 Responsibility.

00:40:35.760 That's it.

00:40:41.100 Responsibility.

00:40:41.740 And then tie it to

00:40:42.880 tie it to

00:40:45.660 a why.

00:40:47.300 Tie it to

00:40:48.040 the reason

00:40:48.520 for doing those things.

00:40:50.780 You know,

00:40:51.000 so for example,

00:40:51.660 if one of your children

00:40:52.700 does the dishes

00:40:53.620 and that's just

00:40:54.120 what they do,

00:40:54.900 why is that important?

00:40:56.860 Well,

00:40:57.240 it has to do with

00:40:58.240 health,

00:40:59.740 right?

00:41:00.180 It has to do

00:41:00.940 with keeping things

00:41:01.760 organized and orderly.

00:41:03.120 It has to do

00:41:03.960 with keeping things

00:41:04.760 from getting broken.

00:41:05.880 It has to do

00:41:06.820 with setting

00:41:07.500 silverware out

00:41:08.520 and plates out

00:41:09.320 and presenting it

00:41:10.120 in a nice way

00:41:10.700 so we can have

00:41:11.280 a great dinner together.

00:41:12.780 It represents a lot.

00:41:14.580 And the more conversations

00:41:15.760 you can have around that

00:41:16.720 and then teach them

00:41:18.040 in those responsibilities

00:41:19.180 the importance

00:41:20.720 of

00:41:21.500 mastery.

00:41:24.120 I was going to say

00:41:24.660 perfection.

00:41:25.820 It's not.

00:41:26.480 It's mastery.

00:41:28.000 So when my kids

00:41:28.980 do the table,

00:41:29.760 sometimes my boys

00:41:31.800 do this a lot,

00:41:32.740 not so much my daughter.

00:41:34.480 They'll just like

00:41:35.180 throw the fork

00:41:36.240 like by the plate

00:41:38.400 and said,

00:41:39.880 all right guys,

00:41:40.400 tell me what's wrong

00:41:41.260 with this picture.

00:41:43.120 They're like,

00:41:43.640 well,

00:41:43.760 the fork's on the wrong side.

00:41:44.940 Yeah.

00:41:46.140 The fork goes on the left

00:41:47.440 and the knife goes

00:41:48.820 on the right.

00:41:49.360 And so they'll throw

00:41:50.020 the knife on there

00:41:50.720 and the blade

00:41:51.140 will be pointing out.

00:41:52.460 I'm like,

00:41:52.900 okay,

00:41:53.000 what's wrong

00:41:53.380 with this picture?

00:41:54.620 Like,

00:41:55.060 well,

00:41:55.260 the knife's facing

00:41:56.080 the wrong way.

00:41:56.500 It should be facing in.

00:41:57.460 Correct.

00:41:58.480 And it should be straight

00:41:59.360 and everything should look

00:42:00.580 uniform and the same.

00:42:02.060 And then why do we do that?

00:42:03.900 I'm not the,

00:42:04.540 I'm not the dish,

00:42:05.560 the dish Nazi.

00:42:06.880 There's a reason

00:42:07.700 that we do that

00:42:08.380 because I want them

00:42:09.080 to take their work seriously

00:42:10.420 or the way

00:42:12.360 they drive seriously

00:42:13.540 or the way

00:42:14.620 they interact

00:42:15.240 with people

00:42:15.680 and their relationships

00:42:16.480 seriously.

00:42:17.020 I want that

00:42:18.040 to be serious to them

00:42:19.280 and I want them

00:42:19.920 to be tied to a why.

00:42:21.980 The only other thing

00:42:22.720 I would say on that

00:42:23.540 is

00:42:24.040 sometimes

00:42:25.440 sometimes

00:42:25.780 it's okay

00:42:26.880 for it not

00:42:27.720 to always be

00:42:28.440 that structured

00:42:29.200 and you can let them

00:42:30.640 choose something

00:42:31.400 they want to handle.

00:42:32.500 So you might say

00:42:33.060 to your kids,

00:42:34.100 hey kids,

00:42:34.480 there's a lot to do.

00:42:35.900 What I propose

00:42:36.780 is that everybody

00:42:37.500 takes something

00:42:38.320 in the house

00:42:38.900 and we work on it

00:42:40.280 together.

00:42:41.300 So,

00:42:42.460 son,

00:42:42.860 what would you like

00:42:43.440 to do?

00:42:43.780 I'll let you have

00:42:44.380 first pick today.

00:42:45.800 What would you like

00:42:46.360 to do?

00:42:47.200 Well,

00:42:47.380 I want to organize

00:42:48.000 the refrigerator.

00:42:48.960 Great.

00:42:50.320 Tell me what

00:42:50.960 that looks like.

00:42:51.640 That's going to be

00:42:52.200 your project

00:42:52.700 and then all of us

00:42:53.620 are going to actually

00:42:54.580 see how well you did.

00:42:56.840 And then to your daughter,

00:42:57.720 you're like,

00:42:57.860 what do you want to do?

00:42:58.520 And she's like,

00:42:58.960 I'd like to clean

00:42:59.900 the living room.

00:43:00.560 Great.

00:43:01.640 Tell me what that looks like

00:43:02.680 and then you get

00:43:03.100 all the other kids

00:43:03.680 and then we're going

00:43:04.240 to come in

00:43:04.660 and we're going

00:43:04.960 to critique.

00:43:05.560 We're going

00:43:05.720 to tell you

00:43:06.000 what you did well

00:43:06.540 and what needs

00:43:06.960 to be fixed.

00:43:08.100 Okay,

00:43:08.380 got it.

00:43:08.700 And you do that

00:43:09.220 for everybody

00:43:09.720 in the house

00:43:10.240 and then it becomes

00:43:10.780 fun and a game

00:43:11.640 and gives them

00:43:12.140 some buy-in.

00:43:13.840 Yeah,

00:43:14.300 I love that.

00:43:15.700 I don't know

00:43:16.340 where the balance

00:43:16.940 is here,

00:43:18.200 but Sean,

00:43:19.460 I'd look for

00:43:20.320 opportunities

00:43:20.960 to give them

00:43:21.840 the ownership

00:43:22.620 with the responsibility.

00:43:24.860 There's something,

00:43:26.280 there's a different

00:43:27.160 weight to things

00:43:28.300 when you're holding

00:43:29.940 me responsible

00:43:30.800 to a sub area,

00:43:31.920 but ultimately

00:43:33.200 I know that,

00:43:34.360 you know,

00:43:35.300 dad will fix it

00:43:36.500 or repair it

00:43:37.300 and I'm just being

00:43:38.040 acted upon

00:43:38.880 and I'm just like,

00:43:39.760 I'm supposed to do

00:43:40.700 my little chunk of it

00:43:42.000 versus it's up to me

00:43:44.440 to figure it out.

00:43:46.160 It's an innate

00:43:47.200 human behavior

00:43:48.480 to want to

00:43:49.400 have ownership

00:43:50.520 and autonomy

00:43:51.420 and to be able

00:43:52.500 to create.

00:43:53.440 It's part of being human

00:43:55.320 and so look

00:43:56.320 for those opportunities

00:43:57.220 to grant the responsibility

00:43:58.640 with ownership

00:44:00.500 of how it gets done.

00:44:02.900 Now,

00:44:03.340 the level and quality

00:44:04.440 may be subpar,

00:44:05.660 but they'll feel

00:44:07.020 a different weight

00:44:08.140 when it's up to them

00:44:10.040 and if they don't do it,

00:44:11.320 no one will.

00:44:12.500 It creates a sense

00:44:14.100 of importance

00:44:14.740 of their role

00:44:16.220 and because,

00:44:17.780 and we do this

00:44:18.540 at work all the time,

00:44:19.700 you know,

00:44:19.920 people will generate

00:44:20.920 group accountability

00:44:21.980 and it just diminishes

00:44:23.620 personal responsibility,

00:44:25.500 but when it's up to you

00:44:27.920 and if it fails,

00:44:28.840 it's on you,

00:44:30.480 there's this heightened level

00:44:31.820 of ownership

00:44:32.700 and responsibility

00:44:33.600 that comes to the table

00:44:36.280 and so look for those chances

00:44:37.720 to do that.

00:44:38.360 Yeah,

00:44:42.120 I mean,

00:44:42.360 we've all been,

00:44:43.300 we've all been

00:44:44.800 in that situation

00:44:45.620 where we tell

00:44:46.580 one of our kids

00:44:47.240 to fix something

00:44:48.040 and then you're like,

00:44:48.660 okay,

00:44:48.920 try it

00:44:49.440 and you know

00:44:49.980 it's not going to work.

00:44:52.020 Like,

00:44:52.380 you know it's not going to work

00:44:53.540 and you're like,

00:44:53.860 try it

00:44:54.260 and they're like,

00:44:55.120 it's just whatever,

00:44:55.720 it's fine,

00:44:56.120 try it

00:44:56.800 and they try it

00:44:57.980 and it falls apart

00:44:58.600 or it breaks

00:44:59.080 or it doesn't work properly

00:45:00.120 and they're like,

00:45:00.640 what's going on?

00:45:01.220 I'm like,

00:45:01.520 I don't know,

00:45:01.920 you're going to have

00:45:02.200 to figure that out.

00:45:03.420 You know the answer.

00:45:04.860 Let them figure it out

00:45:05.820 a little bit.

00:45:06.380 You know,

00:45:06.740 it's not about

00:45:07.860 playing games with them.

00:45:09.000 That's one thing

00:45:09.460 I've seen people do

00:45:10.440 where they'll set

00:45:11.240 their people up

00:45:11.860 for failure.

00:45:12.560 Don't do that

00:45:13.360 but let them have

00:45:15.220 the accountability with it.

00:45:16.740 You know,

00:45:17.100 there's another thing too

00:45:18.080 that I was thinking about

00:45:19.140 on this

00:45:20.840 with giving them

00:45:23.040 meaning and purpose.

00:45:25.180 Empower your children

00:45:26.240 to pursue the things

00:45:29.280 that are interesting to them.

00:45:31.140 So when my son

00:45:32.020 is into Pokemon,

00:45:33.300 I don't make fun of him

00:45:34.460 for being into Pokemon.

00:45:35.820 Why would I do that?

00:45:37.500 Now,

00:45:37.820 I don't like it

00:45:38.860 as much as he does

00:45:39.700 but why would I

00:45:40.680 make fun of him?

00:45:42.660 Why would I mock him

00:45:43.820 about being excited

00:45:44.840 about something?

00:45:46.120 Instead,

00:45:46.560 I empower him.

00:45:47.320 I say,

00:45:47.520 hey,

00:45:47.620 do you want to earn money

00:45:48.420 to buy Pokemon cards?

00:45:51.300 So now he has responsibility

00:45:52.780 for doing something

00:45:53.540 around the house

00:45:54.060 for earning his own money

00:45:54.980 and then for

00:45:55.840 buying Pokemon cards.

00:45:57.480 Last night,

00:45:58.680 he owed me

00:46:00.240 a little bit of money

00:46:01.080 because he wanted

00:46:01.560 this special pack

00:46:02.600 or whatever

00:46:02.920 and so I bought it for him.

00:46:03.760 I said,

00:46:03.940 you owe me for this?

00:46:05.420 He's like,

00:46:05.800 okay,

00:46:06.060 but I also want to earn money

00:46:07.060 for this weekend

00:46:07.640 because we have plans

00:46:08.400 for the weekend.

00:46:08.820 I said,

00:46:09.000 that's fine

00:46:09.340 and so we went out

00:46:10.800 and we did store orders

00:46:11.700 last night.

00:46:12.220 He helps me

00:46:12.780 and he comes back in

00:46:15.380 and he's like,

00:46:15.720 dad,

00:46:15.920 can I have $16?

00:46:16.920 We did 16 orders.

00:46:17.980 I pay him a dollar

00:46:18.560 per order we do.

00:46:19.580 He says,

00:46:19.980 can I have $16?

00:46:20.920 I said,

00:46:21.200 no.

00:46:23.360 He's like,

00:46:23.760 well,

00:46:23.880 why not?

00:46:24.340 And I said,

00:46:24.680 because you still owe me four

00:46:25.780 and he's like,

00:46:28.480 what do you mean?

00:46:28.860 You said I could have money.

00:46:29.800 I said,

00:46:30.120 no,

00:46:30.260 you,

00:46:30.520 I said you could earn money

00:46:31.620 but you owe me 20

00:46:32.720 and now how much

00:46:34.160 do you owe me?

00:46:34.640 He's like,

00:46:35.640 four.

00:46:36.500 I'm like,

00:46:36.880 right.

00:46:37.680 So if you want to earn

00:46:38.660 more money,

00:46:39.160 you got to do more work.

00:46:40.400 Like I'm not paying

00:46:41.360 for these things for you

00:46:42.420 and it means more to him.

00:46:44.600 My oldest son,

00:46:45.780 he loves sports photography.

00:46:49.000 Loves it.

00:46:50.160 So I invested in a camera for him

00:46:53.360 with nice equipment,

00:46:55.160 with certain lenses.

00:46:57.120 I don't know.

00:46:57.500 He knows all about that.

00:46:58.400 I don't.

00:46:59.320 But I invested in that for him

00:47:01.680 because I wanted to empower him.

00:47:04.360 It's not as important to me.

00:47:06.060 He likes it.

00:47:06.940 I'm going to find a way

00:47:08.600 to pour into that interest of his.

00:47:12.520 Just empower your kids.

00:47:13.680 Don't live vicariously through them

00:47:15.360 and don't expect them

00:47:16.700 to be interested

00:47:17.760 in only the same things

00:47:19.060 that you are.

00:47:20.060 That would be my advice.

00:47:23.040 Kip,

00:47:23.220 I can do one more

00:47:23.820 and I got a jet.

00:47:25.100 Yeah.

00:47:25.780 Caleb Johnson,

00:47:27.080 how do you approach

00:47:28.100 or frame pain

00:47:29.260 in your mind

00:47:30.120 when you know

00:47:30.780 it's inedible

00:47:31.940 such as before surgery?

00:47:38.880 Okay,

00:47:39.380 wait,

00:47:39.520 so how do I approach pain?

00:47:42.580 How do I?

00:47:43.100 Yeah.

00:47:43.260 What was the question?

00:47:44.060 How do I what?

00:47:44.960 Yeah.

00:47:45.360 How do you approach pain

00:47:46.940 in your mind

00:47:47.580 when you know

00:47:48.000 it's just going to happen,

00:47:49.000 right?

00:47:49.620 And he's using an example

00:47:50.880 like such as surgery.

00:47:55.960 Well,

00:47:56.400 just tie it back

00:47:57.200 into your meaning.

00:47:59.020 That's what I think

00:47:59.820 you have to do.

00:48:00.400 Whether we're talking

00:48:00.980 about surgery

00:48:01.600 or the pain

00:48:03.060 of standing on stage

00:48:05.000 in front of people

00:48:05.660 and presenting

00:48:06.140 to a large crowd.

00:48:06.980 both of those things

00:48:09.500 are painful

00:48:10.060 in their own right

00:48:11.100 but the surgery

00:48:12.740 is okay,

00:48:14.700 I know this is going

00:48:15.760 to hurt

00:48:16.180 but it means

00:48:17.960 that my shoulder

00:48:18.600 is going to be repaired

00:48:19.520 and I'm going to be

00:48:20.660 able to be more

00:48:21.640 physically active

00:48:22.400 or feel better

00:48:23.240 about myself

00:48:23.860 or whatever it might be

00:48:26.220 but attach the pain

00:48:27.980 to the purpose

00:48:29.940 and if there's pain

00:48:31.100 just suffering

00:48:31.740 without any meaning

00:48:32.580 don't do that.

00:48:34.140 Some people

00:48:34.660 will suggest that.

00:48:35.820 Look,

00:48:36.260 I don't suggest

00:48:37.080 that you go

00:48:37.920 bang your head

00:48:38.620 against the wall

00:48:39.240 because it's painful.

00:48:40.660 There's no inherent worth

00:48:42.000 in being in pain

00:48:43.560 but if it means something

00:48:45.640 then that's the sacrifice

00:48:46.860 that needs to be made

00:48:47.880 and in this case

00:48:48.560 with a surgery

00:48:49.120 it's the cost

00:48:50.620 of recovery.

00:48:52.800 That's the price

00:48:53.840 that you have to pay

00:48:54.680 to have a working shoulder

00:48:56.120 and I remember

00:48:56.920 when I had my

00:48:58.180 I tore my pec

00:48:59.560 in jiu-jitsu

00:49:00.140 and I had to have surgery

00:49:01.480 and it was painful

00:49:02.700 but I repaired

00:49:04.720 my pectoral muscle

00:49:05.900 and it works

00:49:06.760 at about 85%

00:49:07.800 to 90% capacity now.

00:49:09.400 If I had not done that

00:49:10.820 I'd be

00:49:11.380 much more crippled

00:49:13.040 than I am right now

00:49:14.300 and I'm not interested

00:49:15.640 in that quality of life.

00:49:17.820 So yeah,

00:49:18.940 attach it

00:49:19.380 and then the only other thing

00:49:20.200 I would say

00:49:20.720 is

00:49:21.360 be smart.

00:49:23.880 Mitigate pain.

00:49:25.220 So how do you mitigate

00:49:26.100 the pain of surgery?

00:49:27.580 Feel your body

00:49:28.480 build your muscles

00:49:30.440 get proper sleep

00:49:31.920 and nutrition

00:49:32.520 work with your

00:49:33.920 physical therapist

00:49:34.840 after the fact

00:49:35.680 so you can mitigate

00:49:36.400 reduce that pain

00:49:37.480 that's going to help

00:49:38.500 mitigate it.

00:49:39.400 If it's standing

00:49:40.220 in front of an audience

00:49:41.040 how do you mitigate

00:49:41.620 the pain or the fear of that?

00:49:43.340 Practice your speech

00:49:44.380 know your conversations

00:49:46.480 do it in smaller

00:49:48.280 lower risk environments

00:49:49.520 and that mitigates

00:49:50.700 the pain

00:49:51.040 that you might have

00:49:51.560 to be dealing with.

00:49:52.900 Yeah,

00:49:53.400 I love that.

00:49:54.560 I'll make this quick

00:49:55.560 right

00:49:55.760 because I know

00:49:56.120 you have to go

00:49:57.020 here's a quote

00:49:58.180 from Andrew Huberman

00:49:59.360 around stress

00:50:01.120 and so let's make

00:50:01.960 just a correlation

00:50:02.760 of the mental pain

00:50:04.700 of stress.

00:50:05.960 He says

00:50:06.740 to be able

00:50:07.280 to learn something

00:50:08.180 we have to shift

00:50:09.060 our nervous systems

00:50:09.960 into states

00:50:10.660 that are uncomfortable.

00:50:12.580 Any successful

00:50:13.320 type of learning

00:50:14.120 and goal pursuit

00:50:14.860 is going to involve

00:50:16.000 errors,

00:50:17.100 failures,

00:50:17.880 anxiety,

00:50:18.420 and frustration.

00:50:19.640 All of those states

00:50:20.820 of mind and body

00:50:21.760 shift the brain

00:50:22.780 into modes

00:50:23.540 of neuroplasticity

00:50:24.640 they give the brain

00:50:26.260 the ability

00:50:26.880 to change.

00:50:28.740 Stress

00:50:29.340 and sometimes pain

00:50:30.920 is an enhancer.

00:50:33.220 Pain in the gym

00:50:34.240 enhancer to growth.

00:50:36.280 Stress in the mind

00:50:37.140 enhancer to growth.

00:50:38.940 Here's the key though

00:50:39.920 it enhances what?

00:50:42.360 So we have to look

00:50:44.160 at these things

00:50:44.960 from a positive light.

00:50:46.720 Otherwise

00:50:47.320 we're enhancing

00:50:48.200 a negative mindset.

00:50:49.240 Oh this always happens

00:50:50.320 to me.

00:50:50.640 I'm a victim

00:50:51.240 and then that's

00:50:52.440 the lesson.

00:50:54.120 Right?

00:50:54.640 So we have to

00:50:56.100 look at

00:50:57.120 and be realists

00:50:58.040 like and it's so funny

00:50:59.160 when you do this Ryan

00:50:59.980 we know that growth

00:51:00.900 is on the backside

00:51:01.620 of what?

00:51:02.860 Reps and difficulty

00:51:04.300 and struggle

00:51:05.140 but yet we seek

00:51:06.920 comfort

00:51:07.900 and when things

00:51:08.600 aren't comfortable

00:51:09.120 we go

00:51:09.720 oh I don't know

00:51:11.360 why it's this way

00:51:12.340 but I want to learn

00:51:13.140 and grow

00:51:13.480 and become a better version

00:51:14.560 but yet I don't want

00:51:15.740 the stress of it.

00:51:17.540 So we need to flip

00:51:18.380 the script

00:51:18.940 and realize that

00:51:20.520 like stress

00:51:21.380 and reps

00:51:21.900 is how we learn

00:51:22.980 and grow.

00:51:24.200 And embrace it

00:51:25.080 and don't make it

00:51:25.720 so negative

00:51:26.620 and just realize

00:51:27.900 this is what it means

00:51:29.400 to be human

00:51:29.940 this is what it means

00:51:31.000 to grow

00:51:31.520 and become a better

00:51:32.260 version of ourselves.

00:51:33.140 It's going to take

00:51:34.180 stress and pain.

00:51:35.040 I mean that's

00:51:38.480 yeah that's well said.

00:51:40.400 That's a more positive

00:51:41.420 thing than I was

00:51:42.060 just going to say

00:51:42.680 because one thought

00:51:44.200 that came to mind

00:51:44.760 as you were saying

00:51:45.260 that is don't be an idiot

00:51:46.500 and all of us are

00:51:48.720 and we do things

00:51:50.120 that cause ourselves pain.

00:51:52.080 We do.

00:51:53.180 We bring it upon ourselves.

00:51:54.620 Unfortunately.

00:51:55.840 Yeah.

00:51:56.500 Just the other day

00:51:57.420 I was unnecessarily

00:51:59.160 just the other day

00:52:00.040 my girlfriend

00:52:02.000 and I were on the phone

00:52:02.880 and both of us

00:52:04.140 misconstrued

00:52:05.280 or misunderstood

00:52:07.460 what the other

00:52:08.180 was trying to communicate

00:52:09.500 and I snapped at her

00:52:11.600 and she snapped at me

00:52:13.160 and then I snapped back

00:52:14.140 at her

00:52:14.400 because she snapped at me

00:52:15.480 and then I said

00:52:17.360 let's just you know

00:52:17.940 we just moved on

00:52:18.640 from from the car

00:52:19.380 we started talking

00:52:20.100 about something else

00:52:20.920 which yeah

00:52:22.060 which to her credit

00:52:22.900 she has a great ability

00:52:23.780 to do

00:52:24.200 and then we got off

00:52:26.200 the phone

00:52:26.640 and she sent me

00:52:28.200 a message

00:52:28.540 and she said

00:52:29.320 hey you know

00:52:31.740 I

00:52:32.840 the reason that

00:52:34.580 I handled it this way

00:52:36.020 was because

00:52:36.640 and she she said why

00:52:37.960 and she said

00:52:38.860 sometimes I don't quite

00:52:39.920 understand your intentions

00:52:41.620 when you're saying something

00:52:43.240 and I misunderstood

00:52:44.560 what you were trying

00:52:45.600 to communicate

00:52:46.220 like a really thoughtful

00:52:48.300 hey

00:52:49.780 no harm no foul

00:52:51.140 and I wrote back

00:52:52.940 and I said

00:52:53.320 yeah I said

00:52:53.780 I was joking with her

00:52:54.640 a little I said

00:52:55.040 I know that sometimes

00:52:56.080 I communicate

00:52:56.700 like a Neanderthal

00:52:58.000 but

00:52:59.180 when I do tell you things

00:53:01.740 it's because

00:53:02.340 I care about you

00:53:03.580 and

00:53:04.720 our relationship

00:53:06.000 and so even if

00:53:07.180 I deliver it poorly

00:53:08.160 which I often do

00:53:09.340 my intentions

00:53:10.740 are always good

00:53:11.460 how many

00:53:14.140 how many times

00:53:15.240 have

00:53:15.640 have men

00:53:16.720 have that kind

00:53:17.640 of conversation

00:53:18.220 not the second part

00:53:19.000 the first part

00:53:19.780 and

00:53:21.000 and been frustrated

00:53:22.220 and angry

00:53:22.740 and then kept

00:53:23.460 digging the damn

00:53:24.540 hole

00:53:25.000 stop digging

00:53:27.360 stop doing

00:53:28.840 the behavior

00:53:29.380 that's producing

00:53:30.260 the pain

00:53:30.840 and in this case

00:53:31.580 this was a rare

00:53:32.660 instance

00:53:33.180 of me

00:53:34.540 doing a pretty

00:53:35.580 decent job

00:53:36.280 and her

00:53:36.760 doing a great

00:53:37.280 job

00:53:37.660 at

00:53:38.420 stop

00:53:39.560 digging

00:53:40.060 the pain

00:53:41.020 that we're

00:53:41.280 both experiencing

00:53:42.020 by bickering

00:53:42.720 with each other

00:53:43.380 neither one of us

00:53:44.240 want to do that

00:53:44.780 it was nothing

00:53:45.180 to fight over

00:53:45.780 but guys

00:53:47.460 you have to

00:53:47.960 stop doing

00:53:48.500 the behavior

00:53:49.000 whether it's

00:53:49.560 some sort

00:53:49.940 of an addiction

00:53:50.440 whether it's

00:53:51.080 some sort

00:53:51.420 of mindset

00:53:51.880 whether it's

00:53:52.440 some sort

00:53:52.780 of behavior

00:53:53.360 stop digging

00:53:54.940 we talked

00:53:55.940 about it

00:53:56.220 that's rock

00:53:56.660 bottom

00:53:56.960 when you

00:53:57.460 stop

00:53:57.820 digging

00:53:58.160 the hole

00:53:58.600 yeah

00:53:59.960 I love

00:54:00.880 that

00:54:01.140 all right

00:54:02.280 sir

00:54:02.480 I mean

00:54:02.720 a couple

00:54:02.960 call to action

00:54:03.840 iron council

00:54:04.800 right

00:54:05.080 we talked

00:54:05.480 about the

00:54:05.780 balance

00:54:06.120 of the

00:54:06.360 importance

00:54:06.680 of those

00:54:07.060 multiple

00:54:07.580 areas

00:54:08.060 of our

00:54:08.400 lives

00:54:08.760 whether it

00:54:09.220 be

00:54:09.440 spiritual

00:54:10.100 and mental

00:54:11.380 and our

00:54:11.900 physical

00:54:12.220 well-being

00:54:12.680 as well as

00:54:13.220 prioritizing

00:54:13.840 relationships

00:54:14.480 that's what

00:54:15.720 we do

00:54:16.000 in the IC

00:54:16.460 and we do

00:54:17.180 it as

00:54:17.520 teams

00:54:18.000 what we

00:54:18.960 call

00:54:19.160 battle

00:54:19.500 teams

00:54:19.840 if you

00:54:20.180 want to

00:54:20.500 join us

00:54:20.980 or learn

00:54:21.500 more

00:54:21.880 about the

00:54:22.380 iron council

00:54:23.000 go to

00:54:23.540 orderofman.com

00:54:24.580 slash iron

00:54:25.240 council

00:54:25.700 and as

00:54:26.600 always

00:54:26.960 connect with

00:54:27.560 mr.

00:54:27.920 Mickler

00:54:28.240 on x

00:54:29.180 and instagram

00:54:30.120 at

00:54:30.560 ryan

00:54:30.800 Mickler

00:54:31.100 and then

00:54:31.460 a call to

00:54:31.800 action on

00:54:32.320 youtube

00:54:32.700 find us

00:54:34.020 on youtube

00:54:34.400 i think

00:54:34.800 we're up

00:54:35.060 to like

00:54:35.340 357,000

00:54:37.640 subscribers

00:54:38.340 join us

00:54:40.100 subscribe

00:54:40.860 leave comments

00:54:42.200 share the

00:54:42.840 message

00:54:43.280 etc

00:54:43.780 let's get

00:54:46.720 i was gonna

00:54:47.040 say half a

00:54:47.600 million let's

00:54:48.020 just get to

00:54:48.420 400,000

00:54:49.280 let's get to

00:54:50.620 400,000 over

00:54:51.600 there that

00:54:52.260 means that

00:54:52.660 there's gonna

00:54:52.980 be an

00:54:53.420 additional

00:54:53.720 roughly 50,000

00:54:55.000 men served

00:54:55.840 every single

00:54:56.560 week learning

00:54:57.560 growing developing

00:54:58.440 hearing new

00:54:59.040 ideas hearing

00:54:59.600 from our

00:54:59.980 guests

00:55:00.400 you know

00:55:01.940 unfortunately

00:55:02.320 you will

00:55:02.680 have to

00:55:02.940 put up

00:55:03.220 with

00:55:03.420 kip

00:55:03.640 and i

00:55:03.880 once a

00:55:04.320 week

00:55:04.480 but we

00:55:04.780 have

00:55:04.960 other

00:55:05.240 guests

00:55:05.680 that

00:55:05.920 come in

00:55:06.300 that are

00:55:06.500 way better

00:55:06.880 than me

00:55:07.540 anyways

00:55:07.860 i won't

00:55:08.120 speak for

00:55:08.480 you kip

00:55:08.860 no they're

00:55:09.660 better from

00:55:10.080 both

00:55:10.240 check it

00:55:10.480 out

00:55:10.660 on youtube

00:55:11.280 awesome

00:55:13.020 all right

00:55:13.700 you guys

00:55:14.020 good questions

00:55:14.700 i'm sorry

00:55:15.080 we had to

00:55:15.420 cut it short

00:55:15.840 today but

00:55:16.280 i've got

00:55:16.680 some things

00:55:17.060 to take

00:55:17.360 care of

00:55:17.680 including

00:55:18.040 getting ready

00:55:18.860 for my

00:55:19.760 hunt

00:55:20.120 kip

00:55:21.480 you'll have

00:55:21.740 to tell

00:55:22.000 us next

00:55:22.360 week how

00:55:22.980 your hunt

00:55:24.160 in utah

00:55:24.800 went

00:55:25.240 i'm assuming

00:55:26.100 it didn't

00:55:26.860 go that

00:55:27.220 well because

00:55:27.720 i didn't

00:55:28.180 hear anything

00:55:28.600 about it

00:55:29.160 it's a

00:55:30.260 long tag

00:55:31.160 so it's

00:55:31.640 not over

00:55:32.180 yet

00:55:32.560 yeah it's

00:55:33.460 not over

00:55:33.860 yet

00:55:34.100 which is

00:55:34.460 also

00:55:34.780 there's some

00:55:35.760 principles we

00:55:36.440 talked about

00:55:37.200 like having a

00:55:38.200 big window

00:55:38.800 for a tag

00:55:39.600 versus

00:55:40.020 intentionality

00:55:41.120 and hyper

00:55:41.660 focus

00:55:42.100 like what

00:55:43.100 you're going

00:55:43.420 to be doing

00:55:44.020 in minnesota

00:55:44.580 so we can

00:55:45.100 we can talk

00:55:45.680 about that

00:55:46.040 next week

00:55:46.460 because there's

00:55:46.880 there's some

00:55:47.240 let's talk

00:55:47.620 about it next

00:55:48.120 week we'll get

00:55:48.600 after it

00:55:49.020 yeah

00:55:49.500 all right guys

00:55:50.300 appreciate you

00:55:51.080 get that mind

00:55:51.660 right go out

00:55:52.220 there take

00:55:52.640 action and

00:55:53.460 become the man

00:55:53.880 you are meant

00:55:54.820 to be

00:55:55.100 thank you for

00:55:56.060 listening to the

00:55:56.660 order of man

00:55:57.320 podcast

00:55:57.820 you're ready

00:55:58.760 to take charge

00:55:59.440 of your life

00:56:00.020 and be more

00:56:00.740 of the man

00:56:01.160 you were meant

00:56:01.680 to be

00:56:02.080 we invite you

00:56:03.020 to join the

00:56:03.540 order at

00:56:04.220 order of man

00:56:04.880 dot com

Order of Man - October 29, 2025

The Small Things are the Big Things, Learning to Listen, and Stop Digging Holes ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript