Order of Man - The Value of Low Expectations, How to Find Purpose in Anything, and the Only Reason to Look to the Past and Future

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, brother? Glad to be joining you again.

00:00:26.880 Well, still live. The world hasn't ended. The world hasn't ended. I don't know, man. We've just

00:00:33.660 kind of hunkered down in here. Maybe it has, so we don't really know about it. We don't know what's

00:00:38.180 going on in the outside world, outside of Maine anyways. Perception is reality. Yeah, I guess.

00:00:45.680 But yeah, we're surviving. My wife's got all these chores and projects and tasks and things around

00:00:54.780 the house she wants done. We just got done doing the hardwood floor in the, I shouldn't say hardwood

00:01:00.420 floor. It's like a laminate in the front room. And then, so I got that done except for one row,

00:01:05.960 legitimately just like one row that I couldn't finish because I don't have the right tool.

00:01:10.000 So we ordered it on Amazon and my wife said, okay, I ordered that tool. It's going to be here on Friday.

00:01:15.480 I'm like, Friday, it's Monday. And she's like, Amazon has shut down all non-essential purchases

00:01:22.860 or bumped it back. They don't do prime, I guess is what it is on non-essential items. I'm like,

00:01:27.100 this is essential. Like who gets to decide what's essential and what isn't. So now I've got

00:01:31.240 literally one row in, in our front room. That's not done. And that infuriates me. So anyways,

00:01:37.520 we get done with that. And she calls me down from my office yesterday and she's like, Hey hon,

00:01:41.500 come here. And I go into the front room and she's got her video camera out. I'm like, what is she

00:01:44.860 doing? Come to find out. We just got more packages and we got blinds. We got 18 blinds that I've got

00:01:52.240 to hang here in the next couple of days as well. And that's just this, this house has so many windows.

00:01:58.280 So that's just the second floor is the 18 windows. I'm like, holy cow. So we're getting it done around

00:02:06.360 the Mickler household, man. Did you, did you tell your wife that despite the whole COVID-19 and,

00:02:11.920 and social distancing and everything that does not affect you at all and that it's business as

00:02:17.560 normal and you don't have all this time to do all these honey to do's like maybe a bunch of other

00:02:21.000 guys are. Yeah. She didn't listen. No, they never do. She heard me. She just didn't listen.

00:02:28.140 All right, man. Well, Hey guys, what we're doing is, is fielding questions. Obviously we've ramped up,

00:02:33.140 ramped up the information, the content we're putting out there. If you guys have noticed,

00:02:37.360 I think last week we did four episodes as opposed to three. And then this week we're actually doing

00:02:41.780 four as well. And you don't know this Kip, unless you were in the foundry for iron council earlier

00:02:46.640 this morning, but we had a doctor on a physician and somebody who studies vaccines and studies this

00:02:55.760 virus. And has been, been doing this for three decades now on, on the podcast. We did a late night

00:03:02.400 recording on Tuesday night and then it's going to be released tomorrow. So Thursday it'll be

00:03:06.780 released. Oh, so you just posted on the foundry. So the IC members know about it. Yeah. I gave them

00:03:11.540 the heads up. I gave them a, uh, like a 48 hour, 24 hour exclusive access to it because it, it

00:03:17.800 legitimately was one of my favorite podcasts. Really? Yeah. I, I know we, we talked about

00:03:23.580 obviously coronavirus and how to combat it, how to win the war against coronavirus. And it's really

00:03:28.620 interesting how Dr. Poland talked about it from the context of battle. Like if you think about an

00:03:34.220 enemy, for example, you, you render the enemy's desire and will to fight. You, you just, you render

00:03:42.100 it obsolete, right? Like he just talked about it in the context of battle and war is very, very

00:03:46.800 interesting. So the guys are going to enjoy it. And there's a lot of good information in there as

00:03:50.280 well. So I'm assuming there's a little correlation of winning the long game kind of analogies as well

00:03:55.780 with it. Yeah. Yeah. Sacrifices now versus sacrificing later. Uh, what, what are the best,

00:04:01.840 you know, the U S is response compared to, uh, the UK's response. So the U S is basically isolate,

00:04:08.080 right? The UK. And he said up until recently, they're starting to shift this a little bit

00:04:11.860 has been this working towards the herd immunity, which means just let everybody get it except for

00:04:19.000 those who are compromised, uh, from a health perspective and the elderly isolate them and let

00:04:25.300 everybody get it. And he kind of talked about the differences and the pros and cons. So it's

00:04:28.520 really good. Interesting. I'm excited about that because I'm curious, does he touch base

00:04:32.180 a little bit on this concept of, you know, drawing out a war will cost you more as well. And how that

00:04:37.300 correlates to our economy a little bit, because great Britain's approach approach a little bit,

00:04:42.560 I think might work better for an economy and recovery, maybe not so well from a death rate

00:04:49.600 perspective versus the, the rather, because to be frank, the number one concern that I have right

00:04:54.560 now is what is this going to do to our economy? How long is this going to, we're going to draw this

00:04:59.360 out and then repercussions from that perspective. Yeah. He talks a little bit about that. He's not

00:05:03.520 an economist, but he does talk about that, that a little bit. Um, yeah, it's, it's, it's a,

00:05:08.680 it's a powerful episode. You know, I'll, you know what, uh, let me grab my phone. What's the name

00:05:12.720 of the podcast again? Uh, order of man, you may have heard of it. I don't know if you're subscribed,

00:05:16.820 maybe you ought to just subscribe and check it out. Um, you might like it. I don't know.

00:05:21.360 You'll, you'll, you'll appreciate this. So last night, um, I can't remember what it was,

00:05:25.500 but, uh, I even forget what she calls. Oh, she goes, uh, yeah. Was that for your,

00:05:32.740 what was that? Your man of honor, your, Oh no, your man's group. This is your wife, babe. Yeah. I'm

00:05:37.860 like, seriously, like I I've been involved now and have known Ryan for probably over three years and you

00:05:44.380 still don't even know the name of this thing. She's like your man group. She knows she's just

00:05:49.000 messing with you. That is one thing we get a lot is, Oh, your little, your little man group,

00:05:53.160 your little man club. Yeah. Man club. That's what she said. That's when we get a lot. Yeah.

00:05:58.600 Man club. What the funny part was, uh, Joe Schultz used to be an echo way back when,

00:06:02.940 if you remember when you joined the iron council, you were part of team whiskey initially as kind of

00:06:09.200 like an onboarding process. Adam, Adam was running team whiskey for a lot of years there.

00:06:13.540 And, uh, whiskey ended up having like a whole like connotation for a lot of wives because that

00:06:18.660 was their first exposure of, you know, their husbands to tell them I'm on team whiskey or

00:06:22.160 whatever. And, uh, Joe Schultz would always say whenever his wife gave him a hard time about

00:06:27.200 leveling up and holding them accountable to what we do here in the iron council, she'd be like,

00:06:31.600 well, what are your whiskey boys? Oh, that's right. The whiskey boys.

00:06:34.680 The whiskey boys. We have a pretty good time for sure. So, and usually, usually our significant

00:06:42.140 others, they don't, they don't get it until like something happens or, you know, there's,

00:06:48.740 there's some, maybe a situation in which a man would have responded differently. And then all of a

00:06:53.580 sudden he's like more level headed. He's more calm. He's, he's able to be clear and concise and lead

00:06:58.760 effectively. And she's like, wait a second, what's happening here? Cause she's used to him

00:07:03.980 exploding or blowing up or blowing it out of proportion. So at that point we usually get a

00:07:09.160 lot of advocates in the women as well. Yeah. And that, and then it's some comment of the whiskey

00:07:13.760 boys have helped my husband substantially in his life. We need to bring the whiskey boys back. I'm

00:07:19.000 actually going to make a note of that. We need to bring the whiskey boys back. All right. Well,

00:07:23.160 should we do what we meant to do today? Which is answer questions. Yeah. And ramble. Yeah. And

00:07:27.880 ramble. We can ramble. It's, it's all good. Yeah. So our questions today, we're building from

00:07:32.240 Facebook. We have, man, we just have so many questions. So many people want to be part of

00:07:36.300 this conversation and they do so on Facebook, facebook.com slash groups slash order of man.

00:07:42.040 If you want to submit your questions for future AMAs or just be part of the conversation that

00:07:46.040 we're having there or just, yeah, just be awesome or just be a troll and just don't do that. You'll

00:07:52.560 get booted quickly. We'll get rid of you. Hey, the other thing too, on the, on the note of

00:07:58.260 conversations is I've started to do a lot more over on Instagram, Instagram live specifically,

00:08:03.180 like we had Steve Weatherford on this week. Pete Roberts join is joining me today, which if you're

00:08:09.540 listening to this as of the release would have been yesterday. So yeah, we're doing a lot more lives

00:08:15.140 over there. So at Ryan Michler, I was going to talk about Brian Michler, Ryan Mickler, excuse me.

00:08:25.980 Oh, he doesn't even know how to pronounce his last name. You like change his last name.

00:08:30.680 I'm slowly becoming Brian Michler, uh, Ryan Michler, excuse me, gentlemen. And, uh, yeah,

00:08:37.640 connect with us over there. That's funny. Oh, that's hilarious. So is, is, uh, are you going to

00:08:43.080 tell us about Pete Roberts, uh, you know, Ninja mask? Just go legit. Just go listen. Yeah. No.

00:08:49.280 What do you mean? Is it legit? Like, what do you mean by that? Was it just cloth or is he

00:08:53.180 inserting some type of, yeah. So what it is, go back and listen. Cause it's actually pretty good.

00:08:58.540 But what it is, it's his, I forget the name of the fabric or the term he uses for it, but it's his,

00:09:03.740 uh, his rash guard material. Uh huh. And so he's made, it's essentially a neck gator,

00:09:08.780 but it's got a sleeve inside of it so that you can put cloth. You can put, if all you have is paper

00:09:15.520 towels, if you have a mask, whatever, you can actually insert it. That's right. And then it's

00:09:20.360 got, uh, some strings that you can, so it's done. It's changed his tweet. They prototyped it and made

00:09:25.300 it work well. Uh, now look, a lot of people are like, Oh, that's, you know, that's not as good as

00:09:29.840 an N95 mask. No shit. Like it's not, it's not designed as an N95 mask. It's designed as something.

00:09:36.480 And the research actually suggests that, uh, that even just putting a bandana or a shirt

00:09:44.240 over your face will eliminate some exposure, not a hundred percent, but will eliminate even if it's

00:09:50.040 10%, 20%. It's going to stop mustard gas or anything. It's better than, it's better than

00:09:54.340 nothing. Right. So yeah. And you look like a ninja. You should call it a ninja mask. I don't know about

00:09:59.800 this neck gator thing. Well, it's not called a neck gator either. It's the defender mask. Oh,

00:10:05.340 the defense. Okay. That sounds cool. Yeah. I knew I had, yeah. Him and Jocko are pretty good at

00:10:10.460 marketing, you know? So yeah, don't, don't worry about that side of things. You call it the fat

00:10:14.860 neck. Yeah. I don't think that will, that will sell. Okay. I'm sorry. I'll stop. You know,

00:10:21.380 you know, this is how the world's going bad. I drink my last Jocko white tea out of my fridge.

00:10:27.620 You better order some more. And I was like, Oh wait, this is like the end of times. This is like my last

00:10:32.940 one. I was like, this is not a good sign of my food storage if I don't have Jocko white tea laying

00:10:38.200 around. Yeah. Now you're just beans and rice the rest of the time. You're going to struggle.

00:10:42.940 I need to, I need to get a, I need to origin to come deliver me some, some Jocko go Jocko go.

00:10:49.180 Yeah, man. They will. And then we, instead of this crap that I'm pounding, instead of this water,

00:10:56.360 like a, like a peasant water, lame, you don't need water to live. No, it's stupid. All right,

00:11:04.700 let's go. All right. Kyle Irving, how to deal with relationships, relationships that are stuck

00:11:10.000 or not progressing for months or years. Change it up, bro. You got to change it up. You got to mix it up,

00:11:16.180 take responsibility for it and add some variety and spice into your life.

00:11:21.320 It's a little tough now, right? Cause most of us are stuck at home and we're kind of falling into

00:11:25.120 these mundane monotonous routine patterns, but you know, there's things you can do to be creative and

00:11:29.520 spice things up and let her know you're still interested. And maybe you can initiate some

00:11:33.700 intimacy. You can cook dinner. You can do a family workout. You can go outside and go for a walk.

00:11:39.840 Like there's so much that you can do if you're just willing to be a little creative. Now here's the hard

00:11:44.080 part about it. And the reason that so many men don't or fall into this situation and aren't able

00:11:48.980 to get out of it because it takes effort, right? Like it's so easy. If you think about you're driving

00:11:54.720 your truck on, on a, on a, like a muddy dirt trail, right? And your right tire, let's just assume

00:11:59.940 slips into the rut. You can basically, if the rut is deep enough, let go of your hands and, and just step

00:12:06.240 on the gas pedal and the truck will just go right. Cause you're in a track, you're in a rut. It takes

00:12:11.680 no effort other than just pressing on the gas pedal. That's why it's a rut, but it takes

00:12:17.540 a lot more effort to actually put your hand on the wheel. And sometimes you've got to just

00:12:22.000 like, like violently, almost aggressively, like pop it up out of that rut. And then once

00:12:27.000 it's out of that rut, it's significantly easier once, once you're out of the rut, right?

00:12:30.420 So the hardest part is to get yourself out. And then once you're out, now you just kind of

00:12:36.060 maintain and you try to stay out of that rut that you were in before by steering and everything

00:12:39.840 else. So the metaphor is perfect, right? That's, that's why it's the metaphor. So it's going

00:12:44.720 to be hard initially, uh, not even hard, hard's not the right word. It's just going to require

00:12:49.860 some effort, some creativity, some thought process, and just looking for ways to be spontaneous,

00:12:54.860 to be adventurous, to be, you know, fun, right? Like just to mix it up. I don't know what else

00:13:00.340 to say. Just mix it up, be creative, get yourself out of the rut and then maintain and keep yourself

00:13:05.000 out of that rut you've fallen into or created for yourself. Not even that you've fallen into,

00:13:08.460 you just created it for yourself and she has too, but, uh, you, you got to take charge of this,

00:13:13.080 this situation. Come on. When, when, when that stuck or not progressing is more serious,

00:13:19.300 I'm assuming this changes up a little bit for you or your, your thoughts.

00:13:22.720 You mean like potential separation or divorce? Yeah. I mean, drastic times call for drastic

00:13:26.960 measures, right? So if it's going down that path, make the corrections now as quickly as you

00:13:31.880 possibly can. And you might need to be more aggressive to get yourself out of the situation.

00:13:37.700 And I don't mean violent. Okay. By, by saying aggressive, I just mean that you're going to

00:13:42.900 need to take more extreme measures. Maybe that's counseling. Maybe that's just having a difficult

00:13:48.120 conversation. Maybe that's, uh, picking up a new hobby or an interest or an activity or

00:13:53.300 encouraging her to do the same. Like there's some, some more important things that you can do here

00:13:58.200 that, that could potentially help you get out of that situation. I actually got an email this

00:14:03.300 morning or a message in the foundry for the iron council from a gentleman who, uh, started listening

00:14:08.720 to the podcast years ago, maybe months or years. I can't remember exactly what he said, but he's

00:14:12.400 like, you know, I kind of thought at first you were full of shit when you were talking about your

00:14:15.540 separation with your wife, but he ended up going through a separation with his wife. And up until

00:14:20.400 recently they, they were separated. And he took the advice that we had shared, which is focus on

00:14:25.940 yourself, make yourself the project, get in shape, get your finances in order, pick up a new

00:14:29.720 interest, pick up a new hobby. And he had just messaged me this morning and said that his wife

00:14:34.100 was moving back home. So I, I congratulated him for the work that he did. And I said, look, now

00:14:40.720 don't, don't slip into the rut, man. Like it's easy, right? Especially now for you to slip back

00:14:46.080 into the rut because you think you've won. And what do we do when we think we win? We let our guard

00:14:50.800 down. I said, so you need to continue, right? You need to continue working on yourself, making

00:14:55.860 yourself a priority, continue to get fit, continue to gain new information, continue to lead

00:15:00.180 effectively. This thing isn't over. You got to keep doing it. Yeah. For you. For you. Yeah. That's

00:15:06.320 right. Yeah. As opposed to her, is that what you're saying? Yeah, absolutely. If you're trying

00:15:10.000 to win her over, you're going to place even subconsciously your effort on her, which is a

00:15:14.580 mistake. You're going to drive a greater wedge between you. But if you're doing it because you want

00:15:19.160 to be the best man that you can possibly be, and also reap the benefits and the rewards that come

00:15:23.440 with it, that's a better, more effective motive than doing it for another person. Even your wife.

00:15:31.060 Yeah. Cool. That's why, that's why, that's why cringe a little bit when guys say, I want to be

00:15:38.680 the best man I can be for my kids, or I want to be the best man I can be for my wife. And I get it.

00:15:43.320 That's noble. And I don't think generally there's anything wrong with that. But if it's coming at the

00:15:48.880 expense of being the best man for you internally driven, as opposed to externally driven, it's just

00:15:55.160 an inferior position. That's it. It's not that it's not noble. It's just inferior to doing it because

00:15:59.920 you want to be the best man that you can possibly be. That's the, that's the superior motive.

00:16:06.220 And I don't know if this is a stoic distinction, but I would assume that a stoic, you shouldn't base

00:16:12.540 anything on what you're doing based upon someone else. Well, you can't control what other people

00:16:18.140 are doing. Yeah. And your kids leave eventually. So then they leave, stop being the best man possible

00:16:24.240 because your kids aren't around. So that, that pressure of being there for them is no longer

00:16:28.600 important. Well, and this is what happens. This happens a lot in the military. I've noticed is that

00:16:33.260 guys identify with being a warrior for so long that when they're no longer that warrior, uh, they,

00:16:40.180 they lose a huge portion of their identity. And the reality was they were never a warrior.

00:16:46.880 They were a man who happened to also be a warrior or filling in that role for the moment temporarily.

00:16:54.060 But if you begin to wrap up your identity in warrior or CEO or athlete, or even father or husband,

00:17:02.460 all that stuff can be, can be stripped away. Whether, whether your wife leaves or you, you leave,

00:17:09.460 or there's an unfortunate situation or she dies or whatever. Now, all of a sudden you're in a bad way

00:17:15.760 because you wrapped up so much of your identity into your, your occupation or your role, as opposed

00:17:22.400 to, Hey, I just want to be a whole, a complete, effective, capable man. And then if I'm serving as

00:17:28.880 a father, great. I'm going to use those skillsets to be the best father that I can be. Uh, if I,

00:17:33.880 when I become a grandfather or a husband or a CEO or whatever, I'm going to use the effective

00:17:39.480 skillsets that apply to that particular situation in that moment. And then as things evolve and change

00:17:44.620 over time, I can still be good at those other things and not have my identity wrapped up into

00:17:48.840 that temporary moment or position or title. Yeah. And I think it's important to know that you can

00:17:56.060 create that identity. You can create that purpose. It, and we're not taken away from being a warrior is

00:18:01.420 not a great purpose. No, that's right. Yeah. If that goes away, then create something else. Like,

00:18:06.460 don't be a victim of what comes your way, you know, versus, versus creating your purpose and what

00:18:11.940 you're kind of focused on. And, and you talk about it a lot is you, you can develop a sense of purpose

00:18:17.420 in anything that you're doing, anything, anything in that purpose. I was shoveling snow off my deck

00:18:22.440 this morning. And yeah, I mean, most people would say that that's menial. That's just a chore.

00:18:27.820 It's just a task. I actually enjoy doing it because I had my earbuds in, I was listening to some

00:18:32.060 podcasts. I was thinking, I was looking at the beauty of our backyard. I was actually getting some

00:18:36.540 exercise because I was, instead of just pushing it off, it was shoveling it off over the rail and,

00:18:41.100 and counting how many reps I did for exercise. So you find purpose in every moment. Victor

00:18:46.380 Frankel talks about this in man's search for meaning. If you guys aren't familiar, he was a,

00:18:51.740 a prisoner in Auschwitz, I believe during the Holocaust. And he talked about his search for

00:18:59.340 meaning and finding purpose in the most horrific and tragic situation a man could possibly find

00:19:07.300 himself in, I believe. So very powerful book, man's search for meaning. Well, and you had a guest

00:19:12.200 that talked about this, about the power of finding the power of focusing in the moment, you know, and

00:19:18.480 he talked about, you know, when seals go through, uh, training, the guys that look too far over the

00:19:24.920 horizon and think about the entire week, they're, they're the guys that fell because they're, they're

00:19:29.480 looking too far ahead. They're overran. They're, their minds are just disconnected, but the guys

00:19:34.220 that focus in the moment and go, I'm going to do whatever I'm working on right now to the best of

00:19:38.720 my ability and find purpose in what I'm doing right now. Those are the guys that succeed. And I think

00:19:44.380 that just train even translates to shoveling the snow, right? If you think about all the things

00:19:49.060 you have to do today, you're not going to even show up and shovel the snow well, but if you focus

00:19:54.260 like, Hey, I'm doing this right now, I'm going to do this at the best of my ability, then it allows

00:19:58.240 you to focus in the moment and grow in the moment and, and, and be effective in what you're doing.

00:20:03.320 Yeah, definitely. Um, a couple of things I just wrote down here, as you were talking about that

00:20:06.940 Bert Soren, uh, president and CEO of Soren X, uh, talks about building bricks, just one brick at a time.

00:20:12.500 You're not building the wall. You're just building, or the fortress. You're building one brick at a

00:20:15.940 time. Uh, Sal Frisilla with first form, he talks about left foot, right foot. So when you don't

00:20:21.760 know what you need to do, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. And then Jesse Itzler has a

00:20:27.200 phrase in a comment that he says, he says, be where your feet are, be where your feet are,

00:20:32.900 right? Just be present in the moment. I love that. I think that's awesome. I never heard that before

00:20:36.560 until like a week or two ago. Um, and it's a very powerful, very powerful thought and concept.

00:20:41.820 Be where your feet are. All right. Rob Caruso thoughts on red pill and

00:20:47.660 Magtow, Magtow men going their own way. Uh, you know, I think there's a lot of, uh, a lot of value

00:20:55.700 to be found in some of these movements. And that's how these movements work is there's,

00:21:00.660 there's really truth everywhere, right? It's just a matter of, is it entirety? Is it entirely truth?

00:21:05.880 Or is it truth mixed with, you know, some doctrine that, that won't necessarily serve you well? And

00:21:11.680 that's what these movements are. So what happens in these movements? Are you familiar with these?

00:21:16.140 Cause you kind of, you were asking about, I'm not. And I'm assuming red pills has nothing to do with

00:21:20.520 the matrix. So I'm assuming that's, yeah, I mean, it's a play off of the matrix concept, but it is,

00:21:25.660 it's a play off of it, but you know, you can take the blue pill or the red pill and the red pill is

00:21:29.700 like the woke, right? Like you, you are aware of what's happening and aware of what's going on in

00:21:35.140 this context. It's aware of the assault, right? Assault or attack on masculinity and how women are

00:21:44.220 the enemy and you need to go your own way and not do anything for women. Look again, there is some

00:21:49.800 truth and validity to, and we talk about it actually with order of men, right? Is be strong for yourself.

00:21:55.780 We just talked about it five minutes ago, be strong for yourself in a, in a way, go your own way and

00:22:02.280 figure yourself out. Here's where the Meg town movement and the red pill movements lack is they

00:22:08.440 never talk about re-engaging. So it's like, go, go on your own, do your own thing, reject culture,

00:22:16.560 reject society, reject women, dismiss marriage, dismiss these traditional values that, that we've held

00:22:24.000 and, and just like go your own way and isolate yourself and don't serve and benefit other people.

00:22:28.560 Right. Focus on yourself. Right. So here, what we talk about is you focusing on yourself so that you

00:22:36.000 can more effectively protect, provide, preside. And if you narrow those three terms down, all of them

00:22:41.480 have an element of service. So we are to lift ourselves up through our own efforts. And then we

00:22:47.460 are more capable of serving our wife, our children, our friends, our colleagues, our coworkers,

00:22:52.420 our communities, and everybody that we as men have a desire to serve. And we're called to serve,

00:22:57.440 frankly, as well. So that's where I see the shortcomings of the red pill and the Meg town

00:23:03.100 movement. I also see this as the breeding grounds for incels. These are involuntary celibates. These

00:23:10.620 are people, these are victims at their core. These are men who believe that, well, in the name says it

00:23:16.660 all involuntary celibate that, that women have rejected them, that society has, has cast them

00:23:24.360 aside. And look, I think there's some problems, you know, the family court system, for example,

00:23:28.580 is a, is a prime example of this. Well, what ends up happening is all of these guys that talk about

00:23:34.040 this extreme feminism as something that is, is, is wrong with culture and society, which I believe

00:23:40.700 they're actually engaging in the same behavior, but for men. So it's the men's, that's right. It's

00:23:46.380 the male version of extreme feminism. It's the same way the feminist movement got started.

00:23:50.700 Right. It's probably warranted and justified at first. And then it almost becomes its own,

00:23:55.420 you know, hate. Right. Exactly. So these traditionally what I see, and I'm going to,

00:24:01.080 I'm going to upset a lot of people here because there's probably guys who believe wholly in the

00:24:04.980 Meg town movement or the red pill movement or whatever, uh, is this is the breeding grounds for

00:24:11.480 victims. Uh, typically, and generally what I see is this is an area where men who are hurt and damaged

00:24:17.920 by a divorce or a woman or society or culture or some element of it have never learned how to deal

00:24:24.400 with it in a healthy way. Instead of compartmentalizing their experience or taking some level of responsibility

00:24:29.400 for it, they reject and dismiss the idea as a whole. So for example, they have a poor marriage,

00:24:36.040 a lousy marriage. Maybe they marry, well, let's just take this as example. Maybe they marry a woman

00:24:42.020 who is conniving and she's, she's just not a good person. Just like a horrible human being. Let's just

00:24:48.140 take that as an example, but rather than isolate and compartmentalize to the fact that this woman was

00:24:52.880 that way, they just assign marriage as being that way or all women, all women. Right. Or, and so,

00:25:00.400 and also rather than taking any level of, of accountability and responsibility for, Hey,

00:25:06.560 you're the one that married that woman. Like, like you knew, Oh, but Ryan, I didn't know she changed.

00:25:12.780 Come on, man. You knew, but the, the, the sex was good. She had a hot body or what, you know,

00:25:18.380 you were stupid, young, fell in love. I mean, there's all sorts of things. You should have

00:25:21.700 married. You're, you're a man, right? Like you should have known. So that's not to excuse

00:25:26.700 that potential behavior. It's just to say that, okay, well be smarter. Yeah. Like be more rational

00:25:32.780 next time. Like be aware, but don't just lump it into this broad category that all women are bad or

00:25:37.340 the institution of marriage is a, is a failed thing. It's, it's just not a healthy way. And frankly,

00:25:43.200 it's very immature. It's a very immature way to approach life. Yeah. Well, it's, and that's to

00:25:48.640 your point, that's exactly what's happening on the opposite side. Right. All men are, you know,

00:25:52.640 all men are chauvinist pigs or blah, blah, blah. That's a huge generalization as well. Just because

00:25:56.620 someone may have been exposed to a few guys that are complete jerks doesn't necessarily mean we're

00:26:02.200 all that way. And to your point, there's no growth in victimhood. Exactly. And so if we go,

00:26:08.000 if we go along with life, demonize an entire group and being a victim of them, well, guess what?

00:26:12.580 You're not doing taking accountability. Yeah. So. Yeah. We see a lot of these guys come out in

00:26:17.640 the comments when, you know, I don't know if you remember the Friday field notes I did on,

00:26:21.700 I think it was titled marriage, what to expect. I told you, I haven't subscribed to the podcast yet.

00:26:26.380 Go back and start listening to the 500 episodes we've done now. We see a lot of this in, in the

00:26:34.560 comments, like the Meg Tao guys always come out. Cause you're like, Oh yeah, marriage. I know what to

00:26:38.840 expect. Marriage is stupid. Yeah. And that's like, that's all they'll put. It's like, all right.

00:26:45.180 Well, millions of men would disagree with you. Some marriages are, you know, and some women are

00:26:49.360 that way and some men are that way, but that's not, that doesn't apply broadly. I don't think.

00:26:53.440 Yeah. And let's suck. And if you think about like from having some empathy, it's like,

00:26:57.120 that sucks that you think that way, like really, like one, maybe your past marriage was really that

00:27:02.380 bad and sorry for that. But you and I can both say that the joys and the growth in which I've

00:27:10.200 gained through a marriage would have never been possible any other way. Yeah. There's growth in

00:27:15.400 that space of marriage that is not possible period. It's just like, and hopefully I don't

00:27:20.240 piss someone off with this, but it's like when people are like, Oh, we don't have kids, we have

00:27:23.320 a dog or whatever. And they think it's equivalent. You're like, it's not the same. No. And you can't

00:27:27.940 even logically have that conversation with them of what they're missing. It's not possible.

00:27:33.340 How would they know? They can't even comprehend because you just can't until you're a parent.

00:27:38.160 And then all of a sudden you're like, Oh, that's interesting. Like this, it's almost like someone

00:27:42.880 did a brain dump of just data into your mind and your emotions and your heart. And you go, Whoa,

00:27:48.080 I am now different just literally by participating in parenthood. Right. And then the whole process of

00:27:54.420 having to deal with children is a whole growth scenario all by itself, but definitely. Yeah.

00:27:59.660 I always love when I hear somebody say, I don't have kids, but I have a dog. That's cool. No,

00:28:03.340 but they're not the same. I mean, it's just, they're just not. And I wish, and I know they

00:28:09.680 think it is. And you know, they have someone they love and you know, no, that's what I'm saying.

00:28:13.340 It's cool, but it's not even like, that's great. You have a dog. It's fine, but it's not even remotely

00:28:18.860 the same, but cool. I like dogs. I have both. I have a dog and kids beat that suckers.

00:28:23.940 Yeah. It's like a contest. Yeah. Well, everything's contest with Mr. Mitchler.

00:28:30.560 Mr. Mitch. No, no, no, no. Mr. Mitchler does not engage in contest. That's, that's barbaric.

00:28:36.980 That's barbaric, overly aggressive. And yes, toxic. We would never want to engage in any sort of

00:28:43.160 competition because then there has to be a winner, which means there has to be a loser and nobody is a

00:28:49.300 loser. Nobody is a loser. Yeah. Even if you're a horrible person, you're not a loser.

00:28:54.820 They're a horrible person. That's just, those people are just victims of their circumstances.

00:29:00.160 They're not horrible people. They just need a hug. They just need a hug. That's all they need.

00:29:04.060 Timestamp. Let's make that a video on YouTube. Let's not do that. No one's a loser. Let's not do

00:29:15.200 that. Just isolate that and make it. All right, go ahead. All right. Jason Sanchez, Ryan, I remember

00:29:24.340 you saying that one of your dreams is to get a ride in a fighter jet. Do you have any promising leads?

00:29:31.340 I have a couple of like angles that I've pursued and routes that I've pursued, but I have not yet

00:29:36.920 been able to secure that. So if you're listening and you can make this happen, this is actually one

00:29:43.060 of the things, one of the few things that if required, I would shave my beard for. Like if I

00:29:47.760 had to, to seal my mask, like I don't even care about Corona virus. I won't shave my beard for

00:29:52.260 Corona virus, but if I got to seal my mask so I can fly on a fighter jet, sign me up. I'm in.

00:29:57.260 So if you guys have some connections to whether it's the Thunderbirds or blue angel or whoever

00:30:04.600 or whatever, I'm all about it. And I don't even like flying. I, in fact, I hate flying,

00:30:10.300 but I will fly in a fighter jet. That'd be awesome. Yeah, man. It will be. Have you seen

00:30:14.840 the videos of people like experiencing seven G? Uh, yeah. Like almost passed out and passed out.

00:30:20.840 Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure I'll pass out, but it's cool. That's awesome. All right. Paul Knowles,

00:30:27.240 will you ever offer order of man origin main underwear to match the rash guards that we had

00:30:33.780 in the past? I actually think you should, uh, you're talking about the under gear. Is that

00:30:38.680 what he's referring to? Yeah. Yeah. The origin main under gear. I should talk to Pete. Pete would do

00:30:42.980 that. So if you guys are, if you guys want it, then yeah, we'll make it happen. Yeah, for sure.

00:30:47.780 All right. We're going to have some new rash guards designed. Uh, so those will be available

00:30:51.620 specifically for, uh, why am I drawing a blank? Help me here. Immersion camp. Yes. Immersion camp. Yep.

00:30:59.500 And, uh, so we'll have those for there, but we'll also have others for sale. Um, but the under gear,

00:31:04.340 I'm telling you that under gear, like I don't get excited about underwear, but that under gear is

00:31:10.040 awesome. It's one of their most underrated products. Yeah. I like, I bought like six pair.

00:31:17.780 I like every design. I love them. Yeah. One for every day of the week. Yes, sir. I guess

00:31:24.000 one for, except for one day you need one other extra pair. It helps my, uh, guard passing instead

00:31:30.100 of wearing spats when no key, I just wear those and guys just totally let me pass. Right. They

00:31:35.740 don't even want to roll with you. Like you've just gotten so much better. They're like, I don't want to

00:31:38.960 roll. Tips over your teabagging north, south on everybody. And they're like, why are these guys

00:31:47.920 type tapping to this? I found a new move. It was like choke them or something. I don't know.

00:31:54.280 Suffocation. Suffocation by ball sack. Yeah. I'm not interested in that.

00:32:02.560 No, thanks. Alex Schwartz. What was your biggest doubt, if any, when starting this movement and what

00:32:10.680 has helped you push through it? I didn't have any doubts because I didn't have any expectations.

00:32:14.980 I mean, look, expect the more I do this and the more I learn and the more I try to take risks and

00:32:24.720 do new things, the more I realized that our expectations are hindering us. Like they're

00:32:30.200 not good. I'm trying to think of like a healthy, a healthy reason to have an expectation about

00:32:34.660 something. The only thing I can think of is that if you're going into a difficult or dangerous

00:32:40.740 situation, having an expectation about it might prepare you for that thing. But generally,

00:32:47.840 I think the expectations we set on experiences and other people don't actually serve us because

00:32:54.240 then we're all, we're always going to miss the expectation. We're always going to fall short of

00:32:58.000 the expectation. I, even with movies, when new movies come out, I try not to say, oh, that movie

00:33:02.820 looks rad. Cause every time I think a movie looks good, I go and I'm like, that movie was shit.

00:33:08.400 And everybody's like, what are you talking about? It's a great movie. I'm like, no,

00:33:10.680 it's horrible. Cause I had built this thing up in my mind. So I would answer that by saying,

00:33:16.140 just be very careful of your expectations. Try to be as objective as you possibly can.

00:33:22.280 Hire mentors, listen to coaches and be realistic about what an endeavor will take. And then you won't,

00:33:31.260 you won't be as afraid of it. You won't have as much fear. You won't feel as bad about not hitting

00:33:37.640 some false sense of expectations that you have. This works for endeavors and people, by the way,

00:33:42.920 like, I don't expect much from people. That's not a pessimistic view. It's just, no, I don't expect.

00:33:48.240 And even when I have friends and I reach out or I make connections, like I don't expect anything in

00:33:52.820 return. And the lowering of expectations on my part towards other people has, has proven to be very,

00:33:59.340 very valuable in my, in my life for sure. I think most of the time, if we look at scenarios in our

00:34:05.240 life where we set high expectations on some, or just set expectations on things, a lot of that is

00:34:10.860 not dealt in reality. No, of course not. And then when those expectations go unmet, we have a hard

00:34:16.840 time letting go. Right. All of us have an expectation getting married probably at one point, probably

00:34:23.180 mostly because we were younger and we were still putting expectations all over stuff or expectations on how

00:34:28.680 your kids should show up in life. And the minute they don't, it's not like we go, oh, well, oh, well.

00:34:34.420 And then you deal in reality instead, oh, make them wrong, make them wrong. You should be this way.

00:34:38.220 You should be this way. And we hold that expectation constantly to the fire and to them and make them

00:34:43.280 wrong for not meeting an expectation that a lot of the time we never even communicated to them.

00:34:48.580 Right. And it's just in our own head and is unfair. It takes agency and freedom from someone

00:34:54.980 possibly in some scenarios. And then we lash out and act a certain way because we're upset that our

00:35:00.360 expectation wasn't met. Right. It's gnarly. Yeah. So let me ask you this though, Brian.

00:35:06.000 Now you're messing up. Oh man. What's your name? Brian. This is bad. This is really funny.

00:35:13.440 Hey, before you get to that question, let me say one other thing, because I do believe there's an

00:35:18.080 exception to this. Okay. And if you are a boss or a team leader or a father and you, or a coach and

00:35:30.240 you have people under you that need to perform to a certain, a certain level, then you should have

00:35:39.420 expectations and you should communicate those expectations to those individuals. So they know

00:35:44.440 what they're trying to meet. That is, that is one area. They have some form of measurement of what

00:35:49.060 success looks like. Right. So that is one area. And I'm sure there's others where I do believe it

00:35:53.940 is healthy to have expectations. Just don't let them go unsaid. Make sure you're communicating those

00:35:59.400 with people. I like it. So back to Alex's original question, because I, it was interesting because it's

00:36:07.300 funny. The first thing you said was, well, I just don't have an expectation. And I think, well,

00:36:11.380 and we laughed a little bit and I think we laugh is because when I heard you say that,

00:36:17.300 and I think when a lot of people hear someone say, oh, we just don't have expectations that

00:36:21.520 a lack of action gets associated with that as well, where, oh, I don't have any expectations. So

00:36:28.580 I'm not fully committed and I'm not going to worry about it and whatever. And I, and I'd like you to

00:36:34.500 clarify, how do we not have expectations or set lower expectations, but still be high achievers in

00:36:43.180 what we're wanting to accomplish? Because I think we, we think those are often tied to one another or

00:36:47.720 one draws action less or more. Right. Well, expectations aren't the same as goals.

00:36:55.700 Right. So I might have goals and objectives to have this many downloads or do this many podcasts or

00:37:02.460 reach these certain things. That's a goal. That's something I'm working towards. Now I don't

00:37:07.760 have an expectation of a timeline or how effective I'll be because a lot of this is external circumstances.

00:37:13.480 Like, I don't know if people will listen to the podcast. I don't know if people look outside of

00:37:17.360 your control. It completely is right now where, where it is valuable though, to have these goals

00:37:22.560 and objectives is now you can, to go back to what I said earlier is having mentors and coaches.

00:37:28.060 So if your goal is, let's just say for the podcast, let's say my goal was to do one a week.

00:37:36.520 You know, when I was very first starting the podcast, that means that at the end of the year,

00:37:40.060 I'll have 52 podcasts completed, right? That's, that's my objective. That's something within my

00:37:45.140 control. It's something that I want to accomplish. Now you have mentors and coaches, people who have

00:37:50.560 done it ideally, or coached other people to do it. And that individual is going to tell you,

00:37:56.760 yes, that's possible or no, that's not possible. Or here's something that could come up that would

00:38:02.700 keep you from accomplishing that. Like there's been certain weeks where we've had things come

00:38:07.380 up. There's been little changes in our schedule, a little variables and situations have come up

00:38:13.000 that could potentially keep us from releasing a podcast episode. But for the last five years,

00:38:18.760 you got, hear me on this guys, for the last five years, I have not missed a single podcast episode.

00:38:28.340 That's upwards of 500 podcasts that I've done without missing a single one. There was one time

00:38:35.100 we almost missed and you helped me make sure that we got it done. So that's because I was clear about

00:38:41.700 what it would, what it would take. I didn't just assume I knew everything about it. I talked with people.

00:38:46.860 I was mentored by other people. I, I had conversations with other podcasters who had

00:38:50.900 done things similar. So my expectations weren't, they're no longer expectations. They're,

00:38:55.840 they're little marks that people have told me about that have gone before. So yeah,

00:38:59.760 it's not that I don't have goals or objectives is that I just don't, I don't have like place this

00:39:07.060 like false reality on the situation. I'm trying to be as objective as I possibly can in the achievement

00:39:12.740 of my objectives and goals. Yeah. And I think that allows you to reduce the meaning that you put

00:39:18.360 around things. You know, if you had an expectation of, okay, I want this many downloads within a

00:39:23.160 couple of weeks. And let's say your goal was, because let's be really clear. The goal and the

00:39:28.020 objective is be consistent, do these things and the outcome, let's say the outcome's not there.

00:39:33.980 Then you just pivot. Right.

00:39:35.480 And you're not going to add all this, like, Oh, I failed. Right. Like I'm not doing all these

00:39:39.620 things and I failed and this isn't going to work. Instead. You're like, okay, pivot,

00:39:43.140 ineffective result. I'm going to go in this direction, make necessary adjustments to reach

00:39:48.840 the goal. Right. And as we're talking about this, when I think about objectives, that is something

00:39:55.500 within our control. So here's my objective. Here's something I want to accomplish. And, and here's

00:40:01.380 what I'm going to do to achieve that. Then on the other side of the spectrum, you have

00:40:05.700 expectations, which are not within your control. Right. I expect people to listen to this. I expect

00:40:11.460 me to have 10,000 downloads. I expect whatever, whatever the expectation is. Yeah. That's not

00:40:17.400 within my control. I can influence some of that through the goals and objectives and the tasks that

00:40:23.080 I'm doing, but expectations, there's not a lot of control on your part for that. Yeah. Cause usually

00:40:28.720 we're placing them on outside circumstances or other people. Like I have my own expectations.

00:40:33.920 Like I expect that I'll get up in the morning, that I'll do my workout, that I'll go through my

00:40:37.960 routine, that I'll do my, my planning, that I'll do my tasks, that I'll send emails, that I'll engage

00:40:42.800 with the guys in the iron council, that I'll do videos. That's my expectation. I have for myself

00:40:47.100 completely within my control. Yeah. But I have no expectation of you unless you've agreed to it. So

00:40:52.700 Kip, for example, with this podcast, you have agreed that you will be here at 1130 on Tuesday

00:40:59.660 morning. So we can record these and here you are. Right. So I expect you to be here. And if you're

00:41:05.600 not going to be here, I would expect that you would tell me you can't make it like we've done in the

00:41:09.540 past because we, we've talked about it. We've communicated it. So the expectation is now clear.

00:41:14.580 We've both agreed on it. And there it is. If you fail to meet the expectation, not just once,

00:41:20.440 but if it's a reoccurring thing, I got to redefine the relationship and vice versa.

00:41:25.480 Yeah. And it goes back to Kyle's question earlier about, you know, stuck relationship and making a

00:41:30.600 progress. You can see where this expectation comes into play, having objectives, owning how we show up.

00:41:37.620 And that's why that's so important is you owning how we show up and doing it for you and who you are

00:41:43.580 being as a man is what's more powerful than anything because you can't control your spouse.

00:41:49.400 You can't control these other scenarios. And so you becoming the best version of yourself needs to

00:41:54.800 be based upon your terms and what's within your control. Now, are we ultimately doing that to

00:42:00.000 hopefully influence people for the good so we can serve them? For sure. But it shouldn't be at the,

00:42:05.660 at the, um, the center of our objective.

00:42:08.600 I really like, I like the term and the meaning and the significance of influence. You know,

00:42:13.920 I think about that with my kids, like I can't get them to do what I want. Actually, I probably can,

00:42:18.300 but it's just compliance. So it's kind of an, and it goes away as they get older a little bit,

00:42:22.140 right? You start, they get some independence, but the question becomes, and this is almost a game for me

00:42:27.740 is how do I influence them to do things? And what's interesting about influences they have to,

00:42:34.080 they have to decide. It's not my decision. Influence is not my decision. They have to

00:42:38.960 voluntarily, or maybe even subconsciously decide to be influenced by me. So when I want my kids to

00:42:47.360 do their chores, the way that I say it actually matters. Yeah. You know, I could command, do your

00:42:53.220 chores because I said so. And they will comply the younger that they are, you know, they'll be upset

00:42:58.200 about it and it'll be a nightmare, but they'll comply. Or you can think about the way that you

00:43:03.320 frame it. A lot of the times, the way that we frame it is, Hey, this is the cost of having food

00:43:08.560 on the table. This is the cost of having a bed to sleep in. This is the cost of having this beautiful

00:43:13.820 home that we live in. And so if you aren't interested in paying the cost, then you don't

00:43:18.080 get to reap the benefits, which means you don't get to sleep in your bed. You don't have mom to cook

00:43:22.480 dinner for you because you're not paying for it. And that doesn't make them happy about doing it,

00:43:28.620 but they're like, okay, yeah, I kind of get that. Right. Or at least see their role in the

00:43:32.060 overall process. Exactly. Exactly. So influence is a very interesting phenomenon to me.

00:43:38.360 All right. Next question. Austin Michi, how do you remain focused on long-term objectives when not

00:43:47.260 seeing any short-term results? Coaches. I like this. Yeah. This goes back to coaches.

00:43:51.980 Because you're going to do a lot of work. Let's go to jujitsu, for example. Like when I very first

00:43:59.180 started, I was, I was frustrated and I'm frustrated every time I roll. I'm frustrated. There's no

00:44:03.900 short-term like results. Right. For a long time. For a long time. Until one day you roll with somebody

00:44:11.780 and you submit them and you're like, oh, I think I'm getting it. And then like 10 minutes later,

00:44:17.720 somebody destroys you and you're like, oh, nevermind. Totally. But that's, that's just how it

00:44:23.680 works. It's it. You're a lot of the things that we do are going to, are going to be absent of any

00:44:29.940 immediate result. So the way that you do it is you connect with people who have gone before. And this

00:44:36.440 goes back to expectations can give you a realistic expectation of how long you need to put in the work

00:44:42.280 in order to produce the result. So we'll go back to podcasting to go back to Alex's question.

00:44:47.720 Expectations are in check a little bit in our realistic or.

00:44:51.460 That's exactly right. Because then I can be frustrated and I can go to somebody who's been

00:44:55.280 doing it before. And I could say, look, I'm not seeing the result. And that person could say,

00:44:58.520 yeah, that's typical. Yeah. That's, that's how it goes. You actually won't see the result for about

00:45:03.740 12 months or whatever. Right. I'm just making up numbers, but they're going to line you out in a way

00:45:09.240 that helps you see that, okay, this is not abnormal. Like I'm not, I'm not just treading water

00:45:15.040 here. Like I actually am moving, although I can't necessarily see the result itself. I see. So I, I,

00:45:22.060 I have those mentors. And then also this is very important is just find significance in the activity

00:45:30.840 itself. Okay. So, so if you're working out, be where your feet are. Be yes. It's not, it's not

00:45:39.860 about losing 10 pounds. Yeah. That's the objective, but find purpose and joy and meaning in working out

00:45:47.280 free of losing any weight. Is there value in just working out? Is there value in the rower? Is there

00:45:53.060 value in a deadlift? Is there value in pushups? Is there a value in pull-ups? Intrinsic value.

00:45:58.280 How about reading? You know, a lot of people talk about reading, like I want to read a hundred

00:46:03.000 books this year. Well, that's great. Nothing wrong with that, but is there intrinsic value in just

00:46:08.540 reading, just looking at the words, pondering on those words, and then incorporating what they teach

00:46:14.880 you? Is there value in that activity alone? Of course there is free of any external result that

00:46:20.660 you'll produce like reading a hundred books this year. So if you're not experiencing the results you

00:46:25.380 want, it's probably typical. This is life. Find a coach, find a mentor, somebody who can guide you

00:46:30.120 and create realistic expectations about how long it will take. And also just find joy in the work.

00:46:38.420 I genuinely enjoy podcasting. I like these conversations. Yes. I want the downloads. Yes.

00:46:45.020 I want the reach. Yes. I want all that stuff, but I also just like podcasting.

00:46:50.240 I like reading. I like shooting my bow. I like doing jujitsu. I like those things intrinsically

00:46:58.580 just for the activity themselves, not necessarily for the result they'll produce. Yeah. That's why

00:47:03.880 the battle plan is so powerful. And then I'll let you say something here, Kit, is if you look at most

00:47:09.360 goal planning and goal setting, it's very results oriented and there's nothing wrong with that.

00:47:14.940 Right. But you only create the, the, or identify the result so you can work backwards in the present.

00:47:22.280 That's the only value in living in the future. Too many people live in the future. Oh, when I have

00:47:28.260 X amount of dollars, then I'll be happy and life will be bliss and everything else.

00:47:32.440 That's ridiculous because you don't know if that's going to happen and you're not driving

00:47:37.460 yourself towards any action. So the only value in looking forward or backwards is to,

00:47:43.180 is to like triangulate where you are today. People say never look backwards. No, actually you

00:47:49.340 should look backwards so you can see what worked and what didn't. So you can produce better results

00:47:53.860 moving forward on the timeline in the moment. Right. And then some people say, oh, you should

00:47:57.840 never live in the future. That's bound not to happen. Well, you ought to look to the future and

00:48:02.860 consider what could happen and then work backwards into, oh, if I want this future, I have to do these

00:48:08.900 things, which means that today I need to be getting up early and working out. Yeah. That's

00:48:14.400 the value in looking backwards and forwards. Yeah. And the value of finding value in the moment

00:48:20.340 is you'll do it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Otherwise it's like banging your head against the wall.

00:48:26.060 Yeah. You're not going to, if, if you're motivated and maybe I shouldn't use that word motivated,

00:48:31.800 but if you're doing it for some long-term goal that is so far ahead of you and you're hating the

00:48:38.700 moment, you're not going to do it. When things get tough, you're not going to do it. So one of the

00:48:44.920 best ways to, to push through or to grow is to find joy in the moment. You find joy in the action

00:48:50.900 and then you'll do it. Yeah. One of the ways that has worked well for me, and I talked about this on an

00:48:56.800 Instagram live. I did a couple of days ago with Steve Weatherford. A lot of guys are familiar with

00:49:00.460 Steve. I believe it was Steve. Sometimes they all blend together. Anyways, somebody, I think it was

00:49:05.020 Steve was talking about perfection versus excellence. And I don't think it was Steve. Who was it? I don't

00:49:12.340 know. Anyways, it was good. Whoever said it, if it was you that said it, thank you. You don't want to

00:49:19.240 strive for perfection because it's just not possible. You can't ever get anything perfect. Exactly right.

00:49:25.060 There's always room for improvement. And if you get it perfect, then is there anything left to do?

00:49:30.460 No. Yeah. So instead strive for excellence. And I think about that in all contexts, like this

00:49:36.860 podcast, how can we shore up the audio? How can we tighten up the internet connections? How can we

00:49:42.020 change the lighting in the studio? How can we be better prepared for it? If I'm sending an email,

00:49:46.720 it's like, what word do I use here? How do I send this in a way that conveys the message that I'm going

00:49:51.680 after? How do I send it in a way that's compelling to invite somebody on the podcast? Like if you try to

00:49:56.720 find excellence in everything that you're doing, you can more, uh, you can better be where your feet

00:50:02.800 are. Right. Cause it's not about what it's going to produce. It's like, how can I make this the best

00:50:07.140 thing ever? Like if I'm shoveling the deck, how can I shovel this deck with excellence? Like,

00:50:13.380 what do I need to do? Do I need a better shovel? Do I need to do it in different way? Do I need to go

00:50:17.240 this way versus this way? Like anything, any situation you can be excellent in. And yeah.

00:50:22.720 That's interesting. I, I really like what, at least this thought entering my mind is like,

00:50:29.100 when you, when you plan on something being perfect, it associates right or wrong. It was perfect or it's

00:50:35.760 not perfect where excellence is just effective or improved. And I like that because I think when we

00:50:43.200 add perfect, it's like, okay, well, what is perfect? Like it's a state. It's completion.

00:50:47.940 Establish, it's completion, which, which you may never implement. You may never take action

00:50:53.100 because it's not perfect, but if it's excellent, well, you can do that. Yeah. Excellence, always

00:50:58.160 plausible. Perfect is not. And excellence is relative as well. Even to go back to jujitsu,

00:51:04.340 my excellence with my current skillset is significantly lower than your excellence.

00:51:09.240 So if you perform, right. So, and, and if you performed at my level of excellence,

00:51:15.640 you would be doing yourself a disservice. I cannot possibly at this stage of, of my journey

00:51:21.920 cannot possibly perform to your level of excellence. It's just not possible. And if I'm holding myself

00:51:28.600 to that expectation, I'm going to feel pretty shitty about myself and my performance. So I can be

00:51:34.980 excellent where I am. Yeah. And find joy in finding that, doing that excellence where you are.

00:51:39.880 Yes. Yeah. Uh, tell us, Eduardo tell us he's the, uh, tell us is a, uh, uh, so tell us married

00:51:47.220 Vitor Shaolin's sister. Okay. I didn't know who you're talking. I'm like, who, I didn't know.

00:51:51.300 Tell us is a old school BJJ legend. Okay. And his school in California, the logo is a 99.

00:51:58.660 And I just learned this like two days ago at, he was doing a Instagram live and someone asked like,

00:52:05.580 why 99? Like, where did this come from? And it's that he says, because excellent, perfect is not

00:52:11.480 possible. And so 99% there is close to perfect, but it requires constant attempt to stay at 99,

00:52:20.960 to try to become better. But 99 is the goal, not a hundred. Interesting. Interesting.

00:52:25.660 It'd be exactly what we're talking about. I'm like, it was, it was, I loved it because it was

00:52:30.080 exactly what we're saying is there's no such thing as perfect. Don't even try for perfect. Perfect.

00:52:33.760 It's not even possible, but excellence is yeah. And in his definition, 99 is excellence.

00:52:39.720 That's awesome. I like it. Cool. Yeah. All right. Justin Burke, I believe them to be a classic of their

00:52:46.800 own. However, it is very important subject to be had pancakes, waffles, or French toast.

00:52:53.420 I was like, this is going to be deep. I know. I was like, I thought I was going. Okay. So

00:52:59.020 pancakes, waffles, or French toast. If I had to pick, I would do waffles. Really? You're a waffle

00:53:07.140 guy. Yeah. I would do waffles with lots of butter and maple syrup, which I don't know if you know this

00:53:12.980 or not, but we are, I say, we, my wife is making her own maple syrup. I saw that. It is delicious.

00:53:23.000 It's super cool. It's cool. And it's easy. It's a little time consuming. Yes. All you do is you put

00:53:28.840 a tap in the tree with a bucket and it drips out the sap and there's water in there and drips out the

00:53:33.260 sap. And then you put it in a big pot and you boil it to, I think, I think you heat it up to like

00:53:38.720 218 degrees or something. The sap. The sap. And then whatever's left is the maple syrup.

00:53:45.860 And then there's different grades of it. Yeah. There's different grades. So like the beginning

00:53:49.600 of the year is a certain grade towards, and it's, and it's clear in the beginning of the year. It's

00:53:54.540 more clear. It's different. Yep. And then the, the end of the year is, is different and it's more

00:54:01.720 brown. Like we're, we're noticing that, but it is delicious. But I'll tell you what, even more.

00:54:08.340 I've never known how maple syrup was created. That's how it's made. It's, and my, my kids,

00:54:13.220 tree sap. That's all it is. There's no other ingredients. There's no, like nothing else. You

00:54:17.700 put it, you just boil it down. That's all you do. And it's delicious. My kids, we had at the table

00:54:22.560 the other day and we're having, I don't know, waffles or pancakes. And my, one of my kids is like,

00:54:26.880 Hey, can you pass me the, the syrup? It was like the Aunt Jemima's or whatever it was. And I'm

00:54:32.500 like, Ooh, why? He's like, this is so good. I'm like, that's disgusting. Like I will never go back

00:54:38.740 to a regular syrup now that I've had this maple syrup. It is so good. Because you said that some

00:54:42.660 dude's going to be like hiking, see some tree sap, put it in his mouth. Ryan says this tastes great.

00:54:48.080 Yeah. Try it. Try it. See what, tell me what you think of it. Let us know what you think of tree sap gum.

00:54:53.240 Uh, I will say that, um, even better than pancakes and French toast and waffles, German pancakes.

00:55:04.400 Crepes? No. Are they crepes? What's the difference? I don't even know how to explain it.

00:55:10.020 What's the German pancake like? It's done in like a, like a pan, like a glass pan. And it's probably

00:55:14.420 the same batter or whatever, but it's baked and it gets like fluffy. Oh my gosh. It's delicious.

00:55:20.840 So good. So I love the French toast, but my, my, my wife's grandma was from France. And so we have

00:55:29.500 this French influence in our family. And, and usually the, the birthday breakfast request of

00:55:35.880 my wife is usually crepes. Is that right? Yeah. She makes some mad crepes that are super, super.

00:55:40.920 What do you put in your crepes? Like what's your favorite thing to put in crepes?

00:55:44.400 My favorite is, is lime and, or lemon juice and sugar, lemon juice and sugar. Yeah. You just

00:55:52.440 in the side of the crepe, put lemon juice and sprinkle it with sugar. I'm going to try that.

00:55:57.940 And I like anything like Nutella, bananas, strawberries. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Cool.

00:56:03.060 But yeah, the, the lemon and sugar is have to try that out. It sounds weird, but I'll give it a shot.

00:56:08.120 All right. Joey Neely, Ryan, what are some of your major reasons that you would self publish your next

00:56:13.920 book? More control. Uh, obviously you're going to make more of what, what you sell like a hundred

00:56:22.740 percent. What's the difference to self publish versus have a publisher? Yeah. So a publisher,

00:56:28.660 yeah. So a publisher in the publishing process, typically you'll have a company, a publishing house

00:56:35.620 that will, uh, edit your, your book. They'll review it. They'll make sure it's on track.

00:56:41.940 They're reviewing it, suggesting text changes and everything. Correct. Yep. And then they'll help

00:56:46.100 with the design and, and the marketing, and they usually have marketing funnels. They'll help get

00:56:51.000 it in bookstores and other outlets like Amazon, et cetera, et cetera. I see. So they're taking a

00:56:55.760 working copy and helping you push that into a finalized product and market and push it and everything.

00:57:01.180 That's right. Yep. And the, and the publicity and everything else, uh, self-publishing is not

00:57:08.020 having that at all. You, you do everything. You're responsible for writing it. You're responsible for

00:57:12.480 having you edit it. You don't even have to have it edited. If you didn't want to, I would highly

00:57:16.220 encourage you do. Uh, you're responsible for the marketing, for the copy, for the way that it looks,

00:57:21.620 for the distribution, uh, putting it on Amazon, getting it in a bookstores, all the publicity that

00:57:26.860 goes with it. And in this day and age, it's becoming more viable to, to self-publish. Uh,

00:57:32.760 we just had, in fact, on, on Tuesday this week, we had Tucker max on the podcast, not well known

00:57:39.420 yet for publishing, but he's got a company called scribe media and they actually help you get your

00:57:45.520 words out in your voice. So it's kind of a blend between self-publishing and using a publicist.

00:57:50.080 I see. It's actually, it's actually a pretty cool service. Is it fairly easy to create the books?

00:57:57.220 There's a lot of your self-publishing. Yeah. Yeah. Usually most people of their self-publishing

00:58:02.660 will do that via Amazon, right? So Amazon, you can, you can get them printed through Amazon.

00:58:09.340 Like it's, it's, it's very easy to do it that way. Really? Yeah. So you, I don't think you through

00:58:15.340 Amazon, I might be wrong, but I don't think you can do like hardcover books, but you can do,

00:58:19.140 you can do your audio, you can do your ebook, you can do paperback version all through Amazon.

00:58:24.360 And that's what most self-publishers will do. So I think the natural next question is,

00:58:29.460 are you thinking about doing self-publishing on your, on the next book?

00:58:33.400 Uh, I don't know. There's pros and cons to both. Like a publisher is it's a professional product.

00:58:38.280 It's probably going to look a little bit more professional, look better. You're going to have

00:58:41.420 the distribution outlets. You actually get to say that you, you know, you, you were pub, you had a

00:58:46.000 publisher, which I think there's more validity to that. Yeah. I had a publisher versus, cause

00:58:50.440 everybody like writes a book. Yeah. Not that it necessarily is. It just sounds like, or it comes

00:58:55.680 across more like it is. Um, I don't know. I haven't decided yet. There's pros and cons to both.

00:59:00.720 Hmm. Love it. All right. Jeremy Piper overcoming fear after an injury.

00:59:07.320 Um, well, that's not a lot of context is I wonder if he's talking about like fear of like going back

00:59:15.520 and doing the thing where he got injured. That's what I assume. I would just say slowly,

00:59:20.380 like just, just ease into it. Take your time. I don't really know. I, I've, I can't answer that

00:59:27.860 cause fortunately I've never really been injured. Like I've had aches and pains and little sprains

00:59:33.320 and bumps and bruises, but I've never broken a bone. I've never had a major surgery. Um, I'm

00:59:39.800 dealing with some shoulder pain right now. So I'm just doing the best I can to rehabilitate that.

00:59:44.920 And what's that? Kimora. That must be. Yeah. My knees were hurting when you guys were working on

00:59:50.480 heel hooks the other day. Did you, I didn't tell you that my knee, my left knee was like destroyed

00:59:55.880 after that, not injured, but I was like, it's all loose. I was like, Holy cow. My knee hurts. And I was

01:00:01.560 thinking about why it hurts. I'm like, ah, what a dangerous. So, I mean, no, nobody was cranking on

01:00:06.080 anything, but still like I felt it just going over the move and kind of loosens things up a little

01:00:10.200 bit. Yeah, for sure. Um, yes. Like I said, I don't know. Have you ever had any injury that you

01:00:16.740 have to overcome? I really haven't. So I'm fortunate that way. But I think for me, it's, I mean, let's,

01:00:22.220 let's be frank. Even Jeremy's questions, it's more of a mental thing. Right. And so I I've seen that in my

01:00:27.080 life where I got hurt doing something, trying to assert move skateboarding when I was a kid. And

01:00:32.660 I'm like, staying away from that move now. Cause I ate it last time. And, and now I have like this

01:00:38.080 mental block against it. And in fact, I just had this conversation with my, my daughter, she's eight

01:00:43.900 going to nine and she's just on this kick of, I want to play baseball. And so I'm like, all right.

01:00:49.400 So we got her a little mitt and we're practicing with the tennis ball initially just to be careful.

01:00:54.580 And, uh, she took one to the face, got a bloody nose, you know, and she's freaking out and crying

01:01:01.840 and, and we wiped her up and I'm like, Kika, now we gotta, we gotta throw like 10 more pitches.

01:01:06.980 And she's like, why? I'm like, because this is the moment where you prove to yourself that you can

01:01:14.500 do this without that ball hitting you again. And that's why we have to do it right now. Right. So we

01:01:19.600 just wiped out really quick and we threw a couple more, you know, hard throws at each other. So then

01:01:24.200 that way she could get over that fear immediately because if we stopped then and then came back the

01:01:29.840 next day, she's going to be even less likely to play again. Right. You wait another day and even

01:01:34.780 less likely to do it again. So I think those mental blocks as quick as we can turn it around, whether

01:01:40.000 it's even public speaking, you do a public speaking and you mess up and you sound like an idiot,

01:01:47.160 do it as soon as possible again, do it again, just to get over it. Yeah. Just to get over it.

01:01:51.960 Yeah. That's, that's good advice. Kyle Shields. Was there any particular inspiration behind your

01:01:58.900 weekly manly plans this weekend posts? And he's, and, and Kyle's talking about posts that Ryan does

01:02:04.860 on a regular basis on Facebook. Seems like a great way to build a community. I has wondered

01:02:09.420 what, if anything inspired this? Uh, I wouldn't say some grand inspiration, but really I just wanted

01:02:16.600 the guys to be able to share, uh, moments that they were working on to inspire others to potentially

01:02:21.700 do some of that stuff. So, you know, we get some great pictures guys. And I say, always post your

01:02:25.520 picks, right? I want to see their pictures. So guys taking their kids fishing or working on a project

01:02:29.740 or, you know, maybe they're working or they're building their car or whatever, you know, whatever

01:02:33.660 it is they're doing. I just look at it as an opportunity for guys to brag on themselves a little

01:02:37.720 bit and talk about what they're doing. And then hopefully they'll inspire another man who looks at it and

01:02:41.580 says, Oh man, I want to try that. Or I want to do that. Or I should take my kids fishing. So there

01:02:46.040 wasn't any grand inspiration behind it. I will say that I started that early on. And I think a big

01:02:51.460 reason of the, why I started it was I was trying to build the community and, and how do you get

01:02:58.480 people to respond? That's always been a question of mine. Like, how do you get people to engage and

01:03:02.500 respond? You just ask them. That's it. You just ask good questions. If you ask good questions,

01:03:09.940 people respond. If you challenge them in some way, typically people respond. If you give them

01:03:14.980 something to share about themselves, brag on themselves a little bit, they'll respond.

01:03:19.380 So early on, when I was building the Facebook group, I was really trying to experiment with

01:03:23.460 ways to get guys involved. And I did that one time. I might have seen it somewhere, but I did that one

01:03:28.660 time and it took off. And so I've done it just about every week since I've missed some weeks, but every

01:03:33.840 week since. And it's typical that we'll get two, three, 400 comments from guys that are like,

01:03:39.500 Oh, I'm doing this and I'm doing this and I'm doing that. And it's really cool to see.

01:03:42.740 I wish I could see all of them. I just can't get to all of them at this point, but it's cool.

01:03:46.280 Well, and with a lot of the workforce right now, working remote, a lot of you guys may

01:03:50.120 have teams that you're running remotely now for the first time ever. And there's clever ways to

01:03:56.020 engage your team just like this. And I've even done this in the past where I've asked my team,

01:04:00.720 they're like, all right, quick break, favorite toy from when you're a kid, pictures only.

01:04:05.800 Right. Oh, cool. Yeah, exactly. It was hilarious. Someone's like finding a stomper truck from the

01:04:10.640 nineties. You know, I, this is my favorite tool, you know, and it was enjoyable and it created some

01:04:14.360 conversation and you kind of get to know people a little bit because there's a little bit of

01:04:17.480 backstory or sharing or banter that happens because of it as well. So yeah, I like it. It's cool.

01:04:22.120 Yeah. But I think your idea plays a part into the workforce right now, right? Because a lot of us

01:04:26.500 are working remote. Anytime you're a leader, like you, your goal, your whole goal is to engage people.

01:04:31.300 That is your objective as a leader. How do you engage them? Not just with personal stuff,

01:04:35.520 also professionally, but the better you can get at engaging, the better success, the more

01:04:40.380 effective they'll be. It's just, it's just good. It's good to engage people.

01:04:44.100 Yeah, for sure. Let's take one or two more, Kip. And then we got to wrap this thing up.

01:04:48.200 Carson Phillips, what are some struggles to expect in a new marriage? My fiance and I are about four months

01:04:53.760 away from our wedding. How can we plan for these struggles and what are some of the ways to best go

01:04:58.620 about them? Thank you for what you are doing and continue to do.

01:05:02.640 You're welcome. And this question was probably asked before I put out that Friday field notes

01:05:08.120 titled marriage, what to expect. Go listen to that. In fact, maybe this question inspired that. I don't

01:05:15.420 know. I can't remember, but go. In fact, I think, I think it might have actually, because I was going

01:05:20.280 through these questions. I'm like, Oh, that might be an interesting topic to discuss. So I think your

01:05:24.320 question is actually what inspired me to do that podcast episode. So that episode it's done for

01:05:30.820 you. Yeah. So if you haven't, everyone gets their own episode, Carson. So you do Carson, you do. So

01:05:36.400 congratulations. All right. Last question. Austin Hart, what is the best way to find more people to do

01:05:43.840 manly things when we, uh, when, where I live, there doesn't seem to be any, there is, they're just doing

01:05:51.600 it. So you need to go where they are. So whether it's, it's archery or hunting or hiking or the

01:05:57.940 shooting range, or even at work, there's probably people within your workspace who are doing interesting

01:06:03.260 things, but you just don't know enough about them. Uh, or they're working out, they're at the gym, they're

01:06:07.360 at CrossFit, they're at jujitsu. They're, they're just doing the thing, doing stuff. Right. And the reason

01:06:12.480 you're like, well, where are they is because you're not there. Yeah. So you just got to go where the people

01:06:18.040 are. If you want to meet people, if you want to meet strong people, you go to the gym. If you want

01:06:24.140 to meet martial artists, you go train. If you want to meet guys who are into the second amendment and

01:06:30.960 want to shoot guns and protect themselves, you go to the gun range. So that's just what you do.

01:06:36.660 There's, there's great resources like meetup.com. There's your community center. There's the circle

01:06:43.200 that you already have asked them what they do for fun and what they, what they like. But everybody

01:06:48.260 that I've met is usually through one of these activities. And one guy I think of right offhand

01:06:54.060 is a good friend of mine. His name is Taylor Jacobson. Um, I met him at CrossFit, you know,

01:06:59.280 and we'd go train in the morning and didn't know who he was and we'd talk or whatever every once in a

01:07:03.640 while. And then I think at some point, you know, I invited him golfing or something. And, and then we

01:07:09.220 got to know his wife and my wife and her got along. And so we did things as a family. Like,

01:07:14.020 and that all came because I was at the gym and he was at the gym and he seemed to be interested in

01:07:18.180 some of the same things I was. And we built a friendship. So just go where the, go where the

01:07:22.720 guys are or, and ask, ask, you got to be assertive because sometimes this is uncomfortable. It's like

01:07:27.800 if you don't know anybody or, or have these connections, it's uncomfortable to ask like, Hey,

01:07:34.020 what do you know? What are you guys doing? You may not ask that way, but I would say, Hey,

01:07:37.260 is there anything that you enjoy for fun? Yeah. You know, if you're at work, Kip, if you and I are

01:07:41.420 working together and I've gotten to know you, I'm like, Hey man, I've never asked you like,

01:07:45.360 like outside of work, what do you, what do you do for fun? What are you into?

01:07:48.800 What manly things are you doing this weekend? There you go. Post your pics. Yeah. So yeah. Or even

01:07:55.320 ask in the Facebook group, you know, that's a place. Or if you join the iron council, there's got

01:07:59.560 team, your team and they're doing meetups. So there's, there's a lot of different opportunities

01:08:04.140 that we've made available, but then also it's just practicing some assertiveness and looking

01:08:09.080 in your inner circle and then expanding that circle and going where the guys are.

01:08:13.000 Yeah. And if you want to join that 67,000 other men on that Facebook group, go to facebook.com

01:08:19.440 slash group slash order of man. And of course, if you want to get on the court and maybe just get

01:08:25.120 rubbed shoulder to shoulder with like-minded men. And I don't know, just, I don't know how to say

01:08:30.060 any better than just getting on the court in life and taking the necessary actions. You can join the

01:08:35.360 iron council to learn more about that. That's order of man.com slash iron council as well.

01:08:42.700 Follow Mr. Mickler. Stay connected. Go to Instagram because we're doing a lot of those live videos

01:08:47.000 and having some cool people on. So make sure you go there. And that's at Ryan Mickler, both for

01:08:53.120 Twitter and Instagram. And of course, if you're not subscribed to the podcast or the YouTube channel,

01:08:57.920 jump on, subscribe, share this message. You know, Ryan's doing a great job in regards to

01:09:03.680 the snippets of these videos, right? I mean, we have these episodes, but we're starting to grab

01:09:08.220 segments of those videos and making those available. So that way it's a lot easier for us to share this

01:09:14.080 message and aspects of this message more easily with other individuals. So go to youtube.com slash

01:09:20.180 order of man to, to see those videos and share and be part of the movement and help, help other men

01:09:25.240 serve other men to level up. Yes, sir. All right, Kip. Appreciate you guys. Appreciate you. Thanks

01:09:31.160 for being in the battle. Stay strong, especially in these moments, not only for yourself, but the

01:09:34.840 people who are relying upon you. It's very important. And I hope that we're doing a good

01:09:38.640 enough job getting you the information and tools and resources to be able to do that. So stay plugged

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01:09:49.840 Field Notes. But until then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:09:53.860 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

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Order of Man - March 25, 2020

The Value of Low Expectations, How to Find Purpose in Anything, and the Only Reason to Look to the Past and Future ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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