Order of Man - This Isn't Manhood

00:00:00.000 The measure of a man is not what he can take and consume, not how many hearts he can break,

00:00:06.520 not how many women he can get to take their clothes off, not how many dollars on his bank

00:00:12.680 account, not how many likes or followers on social media, not the size of his muscles.

00:00:19.600 I'm not saying, again, those are inherently bad. I'm not saying that. But that's not the

00:00:23.760 measure of a man. The measure of a man is what he can build. The measure of a man is what he can

00:00:29.200 create. It's what he can produce. Men, we need to talk about something that is shaping literally

00:00:37.880 an entire generation of young men right now. And that is that the quote unquote manosphere

00:00:43.660 is giving men half of the truth. And whether you realize it or not, it's influencing fathers

00:00:50.920 and husbands and sons and leaders and boys and politics in every single fabric of society.

00:00:59.420 This is not a conversation that I needed to have when I started doing this work 11 years ago,

00:01:05.560 but it's a conversation that I need to have now because I think what people have done

00:01:10.080 is misconstrued masculinity and manliness and taken our work over the past 11 years

00:01:17.860 and bastardized it and turned it into something that it's not.

00:01:22.040 And it's frustrating.

00:01:23.420 It's infuriating.

00:01:25.160 It's dangerous.

00:01:26.400 And it's hurting men all over the planet.

00:01:30.020 You probably heard the term, the manosphere.

00:01:32.660 This is not a new concept, but like I said, it's dangerous.

00:01:37.560 It really is.

00:01:38.240 We've talked about the red pill movement.

00:01:40.400 We've talked about the manosphere.

00:01:42.300 We've talked about incels.

00:01:43.840 And I had people laughing at me 10 years ago when I talked about how dangerous this ideology was and I had people mocking me. And now you can see, hopefully, if you're listening to this podcast, the ramifications of misconstruing what it means to be a man.

00:02:00.160 and look you've probably seen the documentary at this point the next Netflix documentary by

00:02:05.640 Thoreau I think his name is yeah Thoreau maybe you've seen the clips on Instagram or TikTok or

00:02:12.760 YouTube or X or Snapchat or whatever we're using these days it's fast cars it's private jets it's

00:02:21.160 expensive watches it's the gorgeous women it's men barking orders into microphones and you might

00:02:28.580 lump me into that category a little bit but the message is seductive i get it if you're a man who

00:02:36.300 is lost it's enticing to think that andrew tate has the answer he doesn't he might have the

00:02:43.520 diagnosis and i'll give him credit for that but he does not have the answer it's get stronger

00:02:49.600 it's get richer it's get more women it's take control it's dominate and while there's some

00:02:56.980 element of truth to some of that the hard truth is that it's not entirely true it's half true

00:03:05.560 and that's why it spreads right if it was completely false everybody would see right

00:03:11.160 through it but if Andrew Tate and the likes can correctly identify the problem but give you the

00:03:19.240 wrong prescription it sounds pretty enticing and that's why it spreads that's why it hooks our

00:03:26.100 young men because embedded in the lie is just enough truth, right? We got to put just enough

00:03:34.380 truth inside of it to make it believable. And that's what makes it dangerous, okay? What many

00:03:40.560 men are getting by watching these videos, by following these fools is not manliness. It's just

00:03:48.140 not. There's no way to say it. It's performative. It's branding. It's content. It's, it's this idea

00:03:56.260 that, you know, I can just do the most surface level basic bullshit. And then I get to call

00:04:03.180 myself a man. It's ego. It's ego driven. You see these guys all over the place. And I know some of

00:04:09.300 you might think to yourself, well, you know, Ryan's being egotistical too, when he puts his

00:04:13.400 self out there. I'm not trying to be egotistical. I'm trying to share with you what works and what

00:04:19.520 doesn't in my life. And hopefully that gives you a path to run on. But I am not the epitome of

00:04:24.540 masculinity. I've never claimed myself to be so. And so when you see these guys running around,

00:04:31.080 beating on their chest, telling you how great and wonderful they are and why their version

00:04:35.120 of masculinity, or at least the way they act is the best, they're probably lying to you.

00:04:39.140 I spent 11 years trying to figure out what it means to be a man, not just based on my own circumstances, but through the lens of what other great men, not these performative jerks, have done.

00:04:53.180 I don't want us to get wrapped up in ego because the minute that we do that, the minute we lose the thread.

00:04:58.780 So let's just call it like it is.

00:05:01.260 Let's be honest about what it is.

00:05:03.180 that documentary the manosphere shows what many of us inherently know that there are a bunch of

00:05:11.580 influencers out there and they pop up every single day making a fortune by feeding young men a story

00:05:18.780 and it's not just a story it's a story that will hurt them a story that says the reason these guys

00:05:26.840 are frustrated and angry and lonely and often overlooked even or lost is because the world

00:05:36.260 is against them because women are the problem because culture is the problem because society

00:05:43.400 is weak and then what do they do they sell you the pill right they sell you the the course on how to

00:05:52.020 exchange stocks or how to pick up a bunch of women or how to make your wildest dreams come true

00:06:02.760 lifestyle products travel the world live work four hours per week this is the bullshit that

00:06:10.120 everybody has bought into and it doesn't work now you might say well ryan don't you do that

00:06:15.160 don't you have a course don't you have a membership don't you have masterminds don't

00:06:19.660 you have products that you offer coaching etc yeah i do but here's the difference can you find

00:06:25.900 a point in time in the last 11 years where i've said to you if you join my course everything else

00:06:31.760 becomes easier no you have to do work it's not like you get to push a button and then all the

00:06:37.920 women are attracted to you it's not like you get to push a button and then you have all the money

00:06:43.620 just rained down on you from from high and on above you have to do work so i might have a track

00:06:51.200 to run on i might have systems that have worked for me and thousands of other men but these aren't

00:06:57.400 systems that guarantee you to get rich quickly or guaranteed to get women to take off their panties

00:07:02.540 for you or guarantee that you're going to have all of your wildest dreams come true how could i

00:07:07.380 guarantee that i don't know what work you're going to do and that's the difference

00:07:10.400 most of these manosphere types are selling outrage as a business model

00:07:18.840 and men and our young men are buying it but here's the issue

00:07:25.340 as i said earlier they're giving men half of the truth yeah men should be strong of course

00:07:33.220 have you ever heard me say that men should not be strong yes men should be disciplined i would

00:07:40.180 not argue against that. Yes, men should pursue excellence. They should stop making excuses,

00:07:46.180 but strength without the character to back it up becomes dangerous. This is the difference

00:07:54.160 between masculinity and manliness. This is the thing that everybody gets wrong. Everybody either

00:07:58.960 says that masculinity is good or masculinity is bad. And I'm the only one telling you that

00:08:04.900 masculinity is amoral it's neither good nor bad look at the freaking definition

00:08:10.820 what is the definition of masculinity a set of characteristics and behaviors that are determined

00:08:19.020 by our biological makeup where is morality mentioned in that so when you hear one of

00:08:25.860 these jokers telling you why masculinity is so great i'm here to tell you it's not inherently

00:08:30.320 great. But when you hear one of these other jokers tell you that masculinity is horrible

00:08:35.800 and the plight on society, it's not. It's amoral. It is amoral. You need to wrap your

00:08:43.760 head around that, guys. Don't listen to these people who tell you masculinity is bad or

00:08:48.300 masculinity is good. It's not either. What is righteous is manliness. And what is the

00:08:54.820 distinction. Manliness is the ability to master and harness your masculine characteristics for

00:09:03.320 the productive outcome of yourself and the people you love and have a responsibility for. Let me say

00:09:08.420 that again. It's the ability to harness the masculine characteristics to help and serve

00:09:15.360 the people that you love, care about, and have a responsibility for. Please wrap your head around

00:09:22.120 that definition. So when the guys like Andrew Tate are telling you why the world is out to get them

00:09:26.980 and giving you half the truth, and then he tells you to go sleep with a bunch of women and go make

00:09:30.760 a bunch of money at other people's expense, can you say that's manly according to the definition

00:09:35.140 I just gave you? No, you can't. Because you're taking advantage of other people. You're preying

00:09:41.080 on their weaknesses. You're preying on their insecurities. It's not helpful for them.

00:09:49.860 strength without character in your life becomes very dangerous i said that discipline

00:09:55.700 without the humility required to lead becomes arrogance

00:09:59.860 leadership without love for the people you care about becomes dominance and control

00:10:07.460 the money you have without a mission a righteous mission becomes empty and lonely and that's why

00:10:17.940 these guys are broken you can see it in the movie or in the documentary look at their eyes they're

00:10:23.660 soulless they're lifeless people don't like them they don't care about them they don't love them

00:10:28.540 they don't want to be around them they're manipulated and controlled by them but they

00:10:32.980 are not connected to them and that's where this manosphere gets it wrong

00:10:38.120 because it teaches men how to become externally impressive

00:10:44.440 but not how to become dependable and that's a massive difference

00:10:53.360 any man can become dangerous i've used that word in the past both for benefit and for danger

00:11:03.360 but very few of us can become trustworthy and and i'm not here to tell you that i have it all

00:11:10.620 figured out that i do it exactly right that people even recently question their trust in me

00:11:16.820 because i mess up does that mean mean that i'm a hypocrite no because i actually believe that

00:11:25.700 we should be righteous and deep and meaningful and and significant and still i fall short of

00:11:32.020 that ideal but i recognize what is truth you know when we look at what it means to be a man by the

00:11:42.120 doctrine of popular culture many people will say well it's a man with money financial provision

00:11:46.260 but does that necessarily make him a man of value no i know plenty of men i i was almost i was raised

00:11:54.520 partially from my young childhood by a man who was not righteous but had plenty of money

00:11:59.020 a man with muscles the six-pack abs and 20-inch biceps is not necessarily a man of strength

00:12:07.400 physical strength sure i'll give them that a strength of character and resolve no not necessarily

00:12:13.020 a man who can attract women isn't necessarily a man worthy of one i mean you can flash a nice

00:12:23.620 smile in those 20-inch biceps and have the right clothes in the right car and you can attract an

00:12:27.980 attractive woman but are you worthy of the right one not necessarily

00:12:34.080 real masculinity is not measured or determined by what you acquire it's measured by what you carry

00:12:46.480 and what you give and a lot of people ask me on a daily basis even at this point weekly daily

00:12:53.660 what does it mean to be a man? I have a lot of definitions, but I think at the end of the day,

00:12:58.160 a man is a biological male who produces more than he consumes. So if I'm just consuming and

00:13:06.000 consuming and consuming and building my wealth and building my fortune and building my accolades

00:13:10.640 and building reputation, but I'm not leveraging any of that for the betterment of society,

00:13:15.620 I'm just acting like a little boy, right? Isn't that what we're acting like? Think about when you

00:13:21.620 were a child or even think about one of your young sons and he goes to daycare he goes to

00:13:28.680 a birthday party and he just hoards all the good toys and he doesn't want to share with anyone

00:13:34.720 it's inherent in our nature which is why we need to fight against it because we should share our

00:13:41.320 resources we should get other people involved we should be relational we should serve other people

00:13:46.960 but a lot of these jokers they're just acquiring acquiring acquiring acquiring they're consuming

00:13:51.740 but they're not producing anything they're not giving anybody any metric of value yeah they're

00:13:57.720 duping people because they have the cars and the boats and the trips and the women and this and

00:14:04.400 that and the clothes but they don't have any substance there's a great scripture and i can't

00:14:10.820 even think of the reference at this point but by their fruits ye shall know thee and so you can

00:14:15.360 look at somebody who has all the money, but nobody likes him. I know of people in my own

00:14:22.580 life on a personal basis who fall into this category. By the outside metric, by the doctrine

00:14:29.440 of popular culture, everybody says, that guy's wonderful. That guy's amazing. Look at all that

00:14:33.940 he has. And then you drill down just one layer deeper and you realize he's defunct. He's broken.

00:14:41.020 he's desperate he's lonely and the money doesn't solve that problem he could be surrounded by 20

00:14:49.460 beautiful women and he'll feel great tonight i promise you he will but he won't tomorrow morning

00:14:54.620 you can have the guy that has millions and millions of dollars and he's traveling and

00:15:00.260 gallivanting around the world and he'll feel great about all the instagram pictures he's taking the

00:15:04.640 tens of thousands of people who celebrate and bow down and worship him and he still feels

00:15:10.840 alone. A man is defined by what he can carry righteously. Can he carry responsibility?

00:15:23.340 Can he carry his family through hardship? Can he carry his word to other people?

00:15:32.480 That's one I could personally work on. Can he carry the emotional weight of leadership?

00:15:38.360 can he carry himself with integrity when no one else is watching you know you hear people say hey

00:15:46.040 if i if i don't take a picture it didn't happen i know they're joking but also that's kind of what

00:15:51.480 society has taught us that i have to be validated by what everybody else says about how good i am

00:15:57.420 guys if you can carry yourself in those moments that's manhood

00:16:01.960 that's what we're all after that's what i'm after i think that's what you're after

00:16:08.120 and frankly culture has failed young men because we stopped initiating boys into the truth and we

00:16:17.020 outsourced the responsibility of the growth of our young men to the Andrew Tates and the Jordan

00:16:22.740 Petersons and the everybody else who was on the thing and I maybe I shouldn't lump Jordan Peterson

00:16:29.580 into there I don't think that's fair but the Andrew Tates and the guys on the Manosphere

00:16:33.640 who are just pulling strings and trying to manipulate masculinity

00:16:43.080 in order to validate their own character deficiencies.

00:16:51.940 So when we don't initiate them as fathers and leaders in our community

00:16:56.820 and their coaches, where do they go?

00:16:59.500 Well, they go online.

00:17:00.140 and the internet is happy to initiate them in our absence the government is happy to initiate them

00:17:10.280 in our absence the school district is happy to initiate them in our absence but instead of

00:17:17.920 initiation through discipline and through service and sacrifice and hard work and brotherhood and

00:17:23.640 standards they get initiated through anger and through ego and through status and social media

00:17:32.380 followers and dominating everything around them again that's not manliness i would call that

00:17:39.620 compensation it's little dick syndrome right it's like or little man syndrome whatever you want to

00:17:46.880 call it it's guys who are like so insecure about who they are that they think the big truck the

00:17:54.680 fast cars the vacations the clothes the women will define them more adequately as men and so a lot of

00:18:03.260 these guys will tell men how to win but very few will tell them how to serve and there are a handful

00:18:11.080 i'm working on that personally connor beaton with man talks larry hagner with the dad edge

00:18:17.260 matt bedreau with apogee strong there's a there's a core group of men and there's others too but

00:18:22.860 there's a core group of men who are actually teaching men how to serve and then there's

00:18:29.560 the large swath of men who are just telling them how to fail

00:18:35.260 but it's seductive and this is the line i want you to sit with today

00:18:41.580 the measure of a man is not what he can take and consume

00:18:47.100 not how many hearts he can break not how many women he can get to take their clothes off

00:18:55.080 not how many dollars are in his bank account not how many likes or followers on social media

00:19:03.360 not the the the size of his muscles and i'm not saying again those are inherently bad i'm not

00:19:09.260 saying that but that's not the measure of a man the measure of a man is what he can build

00:19:15.900 the measure of a man is what he can create

00:19:20.480 it's what he can produce can you produce trust in people

00:19:30.440 can you build peace for your family is your home a peaceful place for your kids and your wife

00:19:39.200 can you build a strong body a clear mind a family culture that people feel safe in

00:19:48.340 can you build other men around you to do the same

00:19:52.320 or are you simply building a glass house

00:19:58.040 that at the slightest sign of adversity i could throw the smallest pebble and i could just throw

00:20:06.020 it and the whole house would shatter i've been there and i want to be honest about that and i've

00:20:13.460 realized the error of those ways it doesn't work for me or for anybody else image is cheap i could

00:20:20.100 just buy followers i just buy views i could i could go make a post today that i know would go

00:20:27.960 viral because somebody told me exactly how to formulate and and set it up in just the right way

00:20:33.820 or i could do it right and the same is true of you substance is rare gents and that's why you'll

00:20:40.660 find that when you have substance to you people will be drawn and attracted to you but a lot of

00:20:45.900 the men being platformed right now they're just selling swagger it's not sovereignty that they're

00:20:52.740 selling it's not righteousness it's just noise and nonsense and bullshit and that's not leadership

00:20:59.180 and if you embrace it you're gonna feel lonely you might actually produce some results you might

00:21:06.680 i'll give you that you might but you're not gonna feel fulfilled guys aggression is not confidence

00:21:14.220 the performance that you see from these men is not peaceful

00:21:18.620 it's actually really dangerous and destructive to your well-being

00:21:24.100 and it's hard to overcome because we have the social media juggernauts

00:21:33.380 telling us that if we just do what we should be doing or what they tell us we should be doing

00:21:41.060 that somehow that's the right way to perform here's where i think this gets really important

00:21:49.100 for us as men um some of the popularity of the movement that we see isn't because men are bad

00:21:58.040 it's because men are starving guys your sons are starving you might even be starving for direction

00:22:04.460 starving for somebody who actually has a standard starving to be initiated into manhood

00:22:11.700 starving for

00:22:13.900 tribe for brotherhood starving for their elders the older men to say this is what it means to

00:22:22.620 become a man and so they find that voice wherever they can because they're starving

00:22:28.540 and if you're starving you become desperate and if you're desperate you do dumb things

00:22:33.060 these are men who are just as broken if not more so than they are and this is partly why brotherhood

00:22:39.960 matters so much this is why men need tribes this is why men need other strong men around them

00:22:45.880 because if we don't initiate our boys and ourselves into manhood culture will do that

00:22:52.040 culture loves it they love to reclaim your sovereignty

00:22:56.260 culture right now is initiating man into algorithms into ai that should be concerning

00:23:07.480 for every man and father listening to this so here's my challenge for you this weekend

00:23:12.080 ask yourself am i working to become impressive or am i becoming trustworthy

00:23:18.700 would would the people closest to me actually call me strong or do they just think i'm aggressive

00:23:27.320 and intense

00:23:28.300 does the strength that i'm working to build serve and edify and uplift other people or

00:23:36.020 does it just serve and edify and uplift myself

00:23:38.400 am i building my life around my fragile ego or around responsibility for other people

00:23:49.040 why do you do the things that you do my two oldest boys lacrosse coach and i were having

00:23:56.180 a conversation yesterday and he said hey you know ryan i really want you to come and present

00:23:59.800 these achievements to the boys every week and i said i'd love to do that but i want you to know

00:24:03.680 i'm not doing that out of credit if you want to do it or somebody else wants to do it let them do

00:24:07.880 that. I don't need to be recognized for that. What I care about is that the boys are acknowledged

00:24:14.300 for their efforts and their success. That's what I care about. And it's hard. I can be performative

00:24:22.720 at times. Maybe even in this podcast, I've been performative. Maybe I've paused at the right times

00:24:27.000 or slowed down at the right times or been in intense at the right times. But my motive isn't

00:24:32.840 to uplift me it's to edify and uplift you again real masculinity isn't about domination it's about

00:24:41.440 discipline it's about leadership it's about restraint at times it's about truth it's about

00:24:48.220 becoming the kind of man that other people depend on not the loudest best looking richest wealthiest

00:24:57.800 surrounded by his harem or sitting on a boat in the bahamas it's almost laughable because it's

00:25:06.080 a meme at this point the strongest pillar in the room strongest in the truest sense of the word

00:25:13.740 that's the man we need that's the man your wife needs that's the man your kids need that's the

00:25:18.360 man your brothers need or your clients and colleagues and co-workers need and that's the man

00:25:21.980 that culture, even though they're working against it actively, is starving for. So it's our

00:25:27.620 responsibility to set the standard, to reject the surface level idea that if we just have more money

00:25:36.300 or have more women or have more followers or have more success or have the better clothes and have

00:25:41.640 that $200,000 watch, that that's what matters. Not inherently wrong, but not the metric of

00:25:48.200 manliness. So let's define it correctly. Let's reject the idea of the modern manosphere and get

00:25:56.320 back to the idea of being the grounded, loving, gracious, supportive, leading man in the walls of

00:26:07.280 our home, in the boardroom, on the streets of our community, and every other aspect of life.

00:26:14.380 i promise you it is a much more fulfilling rewarding way to live it is and it might mean

00:26:24.160 that you don't have the money you could otherwise have it might mean that you don't have as many

00:26:29.140 women swooning over you it might mean that instead of having a hundred thousand followers you have a

00:26:34.540 thousand and that's the sacrifice and it's okay it's not even a sacrifice there is no such thing

00:26:42.720 a sacrifice because what we get in return for the things that we do right is so much better

00:26:48.320 than the things that we give up. What are you willing to give up? What are you willing to stand

00:26:56.660 for? What short-term gain are you willing to scoff at for the long-term benefit of being an actual

00:27:05.440 man. I don't know. That question is for you. Think about it this weekend. All right, guys,

00:27:13.780 we'll be back next week. If you want some more resources, again, like I would share with you,

00:27:18.940 our brotherhood, the iron council, we're open for enrollment right now. And again,

00:27:22.340 you might say to yourself, well, that goes against everything you're saying. No, it doesn't

00:27:26.500 take a look at what we're actually doing. Take a look at the results that men are actually

00:27:30.600 experiencing. I'm not selling you a get rich quick scheme. This is not a pyramid scheme.

00:27:35.720 This is not something where you can like trade in Forex or crypto and all of your wildest dreams

00:27:42.160 will come true. I don't actually know much about that anyways. What it is, is a series of systems

00:27:47.160 that you have to implement and some accountability that you have to tap into. And I've had plenty of

00:27:52.940 guys who have come through and not achieved success because they haven't tapped into the

00:27:56.340 systems. And I've had a lot of guys come through the program that have actually embraced the

00:28:01.640 systems and accountability and protocols that we suggest and their lives are changed for the

00:28:07.440 better of it. Check it out at orderofman.com slash iron council. That's orderofman.com

00:28:13.220 slash iron council. All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there,

00:28:18.080 take action and become a man. You are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man

00:28:23.360 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:28:28.460 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - April 03, 2026

This Isn't Manhood ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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