Tips for Starting Jiu-Jitsu, the Link Between Assertiveness and Confidence, and Turning Flaws into Advantages ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 23 minutes
Words per Minute
201.7889
Summary
On this episode of The Kip Show, I sit down with my good friend Ryan Michler. We talk about how he got into jiu jitsu, how he became a martial artist, and what it takes to be a man.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
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This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Mr. Kip Sorensen, we're doing this face-to-face. Doesn't happen very often.
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It's exciting. I feel like I'm getting interviewed.
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You are. This is the Kip Show. Everybody saw you in your singlet or whatever today.
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Yeah, but it's, I mean, that doesn't do it justice.
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People don't know that it has like, they have singlet tops or like little.
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Yeah, if you say cycling shorts, like everybody kind of has a vision of what that looks like,
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but that doesn't do justice to what you were wearing.
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Luckily, I pulled them over so I wasn't showing any nips.
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If you guys want to see that photo, go check out Ryan Michler on Instagram.
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I can't remember if this is three or four for me.
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Well, I mean, I think you were dabbling beforehand.
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And then this was the push off the cliff into jujitsu.
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It was the push off of the jujitsu train, actually, for like a year.
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So, you came to an immersion, then you stopped.
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So, I got invited to come out here in 2000, who knows?
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And then I told Matt Arrington, mutual friend of ours.
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And he used to help co-host the events that we do for Order of Man stuff.
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And so, I think I went to a handful of classes with him.
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And then I came to this full week, 100% all in.
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So, we're just kind of relaxing right now before our next session.
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But then I went home and I stopped training for another year.
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And I've been on the train consistent for like two and a half years.
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Was it immersion that knowing that immersion two was coming up and you're thought, hmm,
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if I'm going to go again, I need to start training.
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Did you start picking up training before immersion happened?
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So, I had probably trained for five or six months before I came to the last one.
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Anyway, so, here we are in honor of what we're doing here.
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And I've got Afterburner Orange, Dave Burke's signature flavor.
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The funny part was, is this morning, we're bunked up with a group of guys from the Order
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And all of a sudden, I hear a Jocko go can open.
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First thing in the morning, I hear it go, pops open.
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Rolls over, grabs some go, chugging, then get up.
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So, here we are in the radio show, or the radio department, or studio, or whatever, at
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this camp that we're at, and we're surrounded by some guitars, so I think you were saying
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you were going to do a little musical number here?
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You were playing the drums for me earlier, though.
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Everyone probably knows what this is called, but it's like a little box that you play drums
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Well, so we solicited some questions from Instagram, and so let's hammer through them.
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If you guys want to go see this beautiful photo.
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Way worse than just, even a singlet doesn't do it justice.
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I should have put a cup on before we took that photo.
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Hey, it's because there's the diaper in those things.
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So I, I, I want to bring them up, but, but there's a couple.
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The one question is, of course, your wife's like, Ooh, gross.
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I don't know if she's saying that about me or you.
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Well, your, the belt that, that you got promoted and they gave you, it was too small.
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I thought he was saying I tied it wrong or something.
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When I saw the question, he's like, what's up with your belt?
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I'm like, Oh, please, Ryan, don't, don't tie your belt wrong in the photo.
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When, when I got the belt, that's, that's the one they had.
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And I think they just had the wrong size and it's one of, so origin doesn't do belts.
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They don't make belts, but they had a couple or they used to do them.
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And that's the one that he awarded me my blue belt with.
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And I was like, Oh, I should probably get another belt.
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That's a little longer, but no, like, I'm not going to give you that's the one they gave
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So maybe I just need to lose a few pounds and then maybe it'll fit a little better.
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So yeah, it's, so that's what's going on with my belt.
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So Pablo, a quick question, um, from Pablo, gi or no gi, what's your favorite man?
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Uh, well, I don't, gi only because that's what I normally train.
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So people are, I'm going to get beat up over this answer.
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Because, because people can grab you like Kip, if you grab me with no gi after like
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We're swimming around in sweat pools, your ability to grab me and hold onto me is, is
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But when a gi, you and I were training last night, you know, you can grab, you can maneuver,
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So I think, and again, there's going to be a bunch of no gi guys.
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But I think gi is harder, but I don't, it doesn't matter to me.
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And you know, you have guys, you're like, well, you know, gi and well, no gi because
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And I think there's value in no gi because people are going to be wearing clothes if you
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I think there's a case to be made for the sport element.
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That isn't my main focus is the sport competition side of it is just so I can be a more effective
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But yeah, you're going to have a shirt on or shorts or, you know, you're going to have
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I mean, you showed me a baseball bat choke years ago using a hat.
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Like people are going to have things that you can grab, but that said, there's value
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in no gi too, because if I need to grab your wrist or control your wrist or do an ankle
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pick and you don't have a sleeve or you're wearing shorts, you know, that's, that's valuable
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Like if everybody walked around with a nice coat on all the time, then, you know, I'd
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feel more confident, but I think there's value in both of them.
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Like, I really feel like my no gi game is better because I do.
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And I feel like my gi game gets really good when I do no gi because.
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Save my grips a little bit or maybe my fingers are hurting, you know, so I'm not gripping
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So, well, also, so Laborio was teaching us something yesterday about frameworks.
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Distance, managing distance, close, front and back, and then angles, cutting the angles.
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And then the second framework that he gave us was position, transition, submission.
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And that was the framework he kind of taught his class through.
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So, and I do really good with, with, with frameworks.
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But the reason I bring that up is because somebody could show you a technique.
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Let's just take, cause I said it earlier, the baseball bat choke.
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Somebody could show you a baseball bat choke and you could get good at it.
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I don't think it's going to be as effective as if you really spend time thinking about
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And I don't think a lot of people do that unless they like are fully immersed.
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And then they train and they're like, Oh wait, that guy put his arm somewhere else.
00:10:30.140
But if you know why it works, you're like, well, you're cutting this off and here's
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I think you're going to be more effective as, as somebody who trains jujitsu.
00:10:42.900
And so to go back to your point, if all you know is, okay, I got to grab this sleeve
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and this lapel and do this scissors, you know, sweep, you're going to be effective.
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But if you know the reason that works, the physics behind it, then it doesn't matter if
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there's gear or no gear, cause you can actually pull the same thing if you have your grips
00:11:02.020
right under your, you get the concept and the concept I think is the most important.
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I love, I, last night, um, at, you know, we, we had instruction last night, then we had
00:11:13.720
I don't, I don't remember Sean's last name, but, uh, Idaho guy, he's a brown belt and
00:11:18.400
we're training and we're totally talking philosophy and schools and how to instruct and things like
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And one of the things that we were chatting about, which I just love and, and I'm interested,
00:11:32.140
I'm going to run this by you, but, but one of the things that we talked about is technique
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gets you is the instruction manual for a scenario principles transcend scenarios.
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And so if you're, if you're aware of the principle of an underhook, then that underhook is applicable
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and you, and you, and with the principle, you know, the desired outcome and you know
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how to address it regardless of the exact position or when the, when the instructions aren't exact.
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And, and that's just one of the powerful things about jujitsu.
00:12:08.540
And it's interesting because, you know, him and I were debating, not debating, but like,
00:12:12.320
kind of like, I was thinking, oh man, we should teach it that way.
00:12:16.900
We should teach about principles and how they relate to life and, and then instruction around
00:12:22.780
And he kind of had the opinion of like, you won't be able to write that, that one of the
00:12:28.540
things that, that brought up those, those frameworks that we talked about last night,
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you know, he was kind of like, Hey, you know what?
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I bet half the people in the gym were like, oh, that's interesting.
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And then the other half was like, light bulbs are going off and going, oh man, this trends
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It relates to our lives, you know, like we could just take a difficult conversation and, or
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a difficult relationship and go, hmm, levels, distance, boundaries, frameworks, angles.
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And now we have something that even transcends the jujitsu into our real life.
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And he kind of felt that that's going to be lost in people unless they have time on the
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And I think, oh man, I, you could teach these things early on and you don't have to be,
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you know, you don't have to be training for five years.
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I mean, maybe, but also if I were to go to you and say, Hey Kip, here's the reason the
00:13:25.700
Kimura works and here's the philosophy behind it.
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And here's the leverage and here's the points and here's the physiology of the body and why
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No, because you need to get your arm torped on.
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Or, or you need to try to apply it to somebody and you're like, well, that didn't work.
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Oh, but you didn't bring the elbow up exactly where it was supposed to be.
00:14:04.580
You know, there's a lot of people who spend a boatload of time with their nose buried in
00:14:12.740
And my, my most popular posts on social media are always like, Hey, what, here's my books
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When those, I'm not saying books aren't important.
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And so reading a book is important, but if it comes at the expense of then taking what
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you actually learned in the book and then applying it in real world and failing and succeeding
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and tweaking and adjusting and trying to fit your style.
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If you don't ever read and you just go out there, it's just reckless.
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So what I've said in the past is gaining knowledge without applying is worthless.
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Applying without gaining knowledge and understanding is reckless.
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And for me on the scale that I am, I tend to be more reckless.
00:15:01.220
That's just my personality where I'm like, just go and we'll figure it out along the way.
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And I think your personality is probably more of the other side of things.
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Although I would not consider myself an intellectual, but still, you know, you, you do think you're,
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you're, you're thoughtful about these things and I don't think it comes at the expense of
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The reason I bring it up, I know people that are like, Oh, I got a double master's and
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Voluntary and you know, obviously I'm not calling out their name cause I don't want to be mean,
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but like they are contributing zero and yet they're highly educated.
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You have a master's, you're 300, $400,000 in debt.
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Because you've been in school for the past 12 years, post-secondary education for 12 years.
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So yeah, of course you don't have it figured out.
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You know a lot about it, but you don't know about it.
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So there's information and then there's wisdom, which is the application of, of information.
00:16:03.520
C Thomas 719, uh, since you're at immersion camp, do you guys have any key advice for men
00:16:12.200
What have you been, what have been some of your biggest takeaways from your training over
00:16:17.680
So I don't actually totally dig this question and I'll tell you why.
00:16:32.280
Just go, like just go with an open heart and an open mind.
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Or you already know, like everybody's already told you, be humble, tap early, tap often.
00:16:42.760
Like we have these things that we've said and you've, you've been in the game significantly
00:16:48.360
Like you already know, Thomas, you, you, anything that you or I could say, Kip, he already knows.
00:16:54.320
And, and also my concern is that when people do this all the time, they ask questions that
00:17:00.700
either a, they already know the answer to, or they ask questions because they're looking
00:17:10.520
So if I were to say, you know, what's the thing you can, what's well, you're in shape.
00:17:18.200
And so like, I'm not, so maybe I'll go work out before I go to jujitsu.
00:17:21.780
So, so that said, in the spirit of answering the question, my advice to you is be open
00:17:32.960
Like if somebody says something like one of my pet peeves and my son says all to me all
00:17:45.200
Just say like, if you told me something, we're on the mat.
00:17:48.100
I'm obviously it's going to be very jujitsu driven today just cause we're here.
00:17:51.540
But if we're on the mat and we're training and you are like, oh, you know, here's a,
00:17:59.040
here's a technique that Ryan could, could learn.
00:18:01.100
And I either are, let's say I already feel competent with that technique.
00:18:07.820
I'm going to, what I'm going to do is I'm going to, I'm going to think to myself, okay,
00:18:11.760
I already know this, this technique, but what's the one thing that Kip does.
00:18:19.900
Well, and what's interesting is even today, right?
00:18:22.260
We had a breakout today and they covered a lasso guard.
00:18:28.220
And literally when he said lasso guard, I could have easily paused and gone.
00:18:42.180
He does a slightly different than what I was taught to me, or I missed a detail when
00:18:46.800
it was originally taught to me, or he had a different angle.
00:18:49.440
He showed some scenarios out of that lasso that I've actually never seen before.
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But if I went into it like, oh, I know this, then I wouldn't even been paid attention.
00:19:05.060
And what I mean by that is don't get discouraged.
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Don't place weird sorts of expectations on yourself.
00:19:19.180
And I do this because I personally do this because you're competitive because I'm competitive
00:19:26.280
So when you're not good at something, you kind of beat yourself up.
00:19:30.280
Like, why did this guy's advancing and I'm not, and this guy's better.
00:19:33.480
And he's only been going for two years and I've been going for three years and, oh,
00:19:37.760
And then I roll with this guy and we size people up.
00:19:40.660
And like, I rolled with this guy today, Jake, he's a purple belt.
00:19:47.400
And he ran circles around me and I caught myself like, oh, I should do better.
00:19:58.540
I'm like, Hey, just out of curiosity, you know, how long have you been training?
00:20:03.980
And he's like, oh, I've been training for about six or seven years.
00:20:16.620
It isn't that he's stronger, although it could be part of that, but there's things there that
00:20:20.160
are within your control and it, it could just be that you're not there yet.
00:20:24.520
On the flip side of that though, do you think that there's some, some benefit to, to the opposite?
00:20:32.340
It's like, because, you know, of course, you know, we have a, you know, whenever guys
00:20:38.600
When that blue belt was placed upon your waist, you, you go, oh, you know, I better level up.
00:20:46.080
And that ego, a little bit of like, I got to act out this position that has been given
00:20:54.820
You, you want to honor that and you want to go a little bit harder, right?
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Because you do feel that you should be better than maybe you were or whatever.
00:21:01.200
And I've thought that with Pete, you know, like he awarded me my blue belt.
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Like he saw something enough in me that he said, I think he's deserving of this.
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I want to prove that his thought was correct, but there's something else.
00:21:17.440
And I thought you were going to go this way and you went a little different way is if you
00:21:24.640
Like if you go to class and you're like, I don't really care what happens, not intentional.
00:21:33.520
I do go to class intentional and guys, we're saying jujitsu just replace it with life.
00:21:40.360
If you're indifferent and you're nihilistic about it, what are you doing?
00:21:46.460
So there's a spectrum and one side of the spectrum is placing unrealistic, unhealthy
00:21:54.360
expectations on yourself and that's destructive.
00:21:57.420
And the other is not having any expectations, not caring at all.
00:22:06.780
And we're constantly moving between the two and we should, we're like, Hey, you know,
00:22:09.960
maybe I'm not caring enough about my life as much, or maybe I'm not investing as much
00:22:15.520
And then the next day, maybe you're like, you know what?
00:22:18.580
Maybe I'm, maybe I'm going too hard on myself here and I just need to loosen up.
00:22:25.040
Maybe I need a two day vacation or a four day vacation or whatever.
00:22:28.000
And so you, you just, it's constant flux between the spectrum.
00:22:32.980
And last example, cause we've talked about this a lot.
00:22:36.040
It's like, cause, cause you said in inject life, right?
00:22:41.920
And I think most guys listening will do what probably I've done for years and I immediately
00:22:49.400
Oh, work, workouts, jujitsu, me, me, me, me, me.
00:22:54.720
And then when it comes to parenting and being a father, like how many guys do you know that
00:23:00.400
go out of their way and say, here's my plan to be a good father.
00:23:09.800
We'll do it for almost everything, but none of us do it for parenting.
00:23:17.260
And there's a term that we get, that gets thrown around a lot, a phrase in the self
00:23:31.340
When's the last time you hustled and grinded with your family?
00:23:34.720
I mean, and what I mean, what that looks like is that you woke up early and you, you
00:23:39.840
had some mats and you trained with them or you went to the gym together or you just sat
00:23:43.840
down and had breakfast or I don't, you maybe even watch a TV show together.
00:23:49.700
Or you, you actually had dinner together as a family and the hustle and grind at the
00:23:54.600
dinner table is asking them about their day and what went well and what didn't go well
00:23:59.240
and what's your goal tomorrow and what dreams do you have?
00:24:01.660
And Hey, we have this stuff going on in the news.
00:24:11.140
So take that hustle and grind and apply it at home in your personal life as much as you
00:24:17.240
You're going to live a much more fulfilled life.
00:24:21.660
My little boy, it's like intentionality with him is he'll, he says, play with me, dad.
00:24:27.460
And I'm playing Captain America against Ironman and we're riding little horses and
00:24:34.580
And sometimes like, let's be really, let's be really frank about this guys.
00:24:41.780
Because, because I don't want to play Legos right now.
00:24:45.780
I don't want to hear about your, my kids at some point might listen to this.
00:24:49.440
So I don't want to hear about your stupid dream or whatever that you had last night or
00:24:56.420
And there's going to be a bunch of people like, Oh, you're so mean guys, you know,
00:25:06.420
Being a dad sometimes is like, yeah, I don't want to hear about your story.
00:25:18.940
Or, or when your kid finds their drawing in the trash can, have you had that happen yet?
00:25:24.120
Uh, I may have had a couple of arts and crafts.
00:25:32.920
You're like, Oh, you don't have a talent for that.
00:25:39.300
Uh, it's really, he actually geared, geared it towards me, but I think I want to hear that.
00:25:47.720
So he said, he, he was asking about the picture that you posted on Instagram and he's like,
00:25:54.480
And do you benefit mentally or physically from training versus Brazilian jujitsu?
00:25:59.000
And one of the things the other day I was riding in our neighborhood, really steep hill
00:26:06.640
Like I, the longest ride I've done is probably a few hours.
00:26:10.160
And one, one of the things that become apparent to me, I'm like, interesting.
00:26:14.720
That I play this game that, that I play in other things that are difficult.
00:26:20.780
And what my game was in this particular instance was saving the last year.
00:26:26.160
So as I'm going up a little Cottonwood Canyon, I have one gear that I'm not moving down.
00:26:33.700
And I'm standing up, I'm pushing as hard as I can.
00:26:39.960
And I try to see how far I could get without using that last year.
00:26:44.380
And even the shifter, the shift up, this sounds super.
00:26:48.280
People are like, Kip, this, you're diagnosed with some disease or something or mental disorder.
00:26:52.580
But literally the gear that shifts up, in my mind, I say, badass.
00:26:58.120
The gear that goes down, I call it the big easy switch.
00:27:11.400
And I keep that big easy, that extra big easy in the back.
00:27:14.000
My point being is I've found a lot of success in life.
00:27:19.300
And we talk about this in jujitsu, figuring out what your win is.
00:27:24.540
And my win in that small example of struggle in life, even though it was just riding a bike,
00:27:29.560
was I'm going to get up to this point without using that last gear.
00:27:34.060
And the mats, we've talked about this, is like, okay, you're going with Pete.
00:27:43.580
And then it even goes the other way where, okay, I'm going to roll with a guy, brand new
00:27:49.780
I'm focusing on a submission that I never get anybody.
00:27:53.100
Or for me, it's going to the opposite of my strong side.
00:28:06.220
You know, when, before I moved out here to Maine, uh, there was, there was this hill that
00:28:12.380
It's, it's where the H is, you know, for the high school hurricane.
00:28:16.480
And it's, it's a mile and a half up and it's pretty steep.
00:28:24.000
And as I started running it, I could probably run a couple hundred yards up it before I had
00:28:31.020
And I just had this vision in my mind of like, I'm going to run this whole thing without stopping.
00:28:39.120
And I will never forget the first day, the first time that I ran a mile and a half up
00:28:46.240
And I got to the top and that's where I turn around and come back.
00:28:49.060
And I was like, well, I'm just going to keep running a mile and a half down here in two
00:28:53.860
And it was able to get down, you know, no problem.
00:29:00.220
And if it's always easier and enjoyable, I don't think you're going to get as much out
00:29:11.620
If that's all you did because you loved it, are you really pushing mentally as hard as
00:29:17.320
Sometimes we should do things that we don't love that aren't comfortable, that aren't
00:29:23.440
Now, if it's something that, that has a track record of you just hating it, like if you go
00:29:28.820
to jujitsu and you're like, that's hard, but I can go back and you go and you never,
00:29:35.600
Okay, maybe that isn't what you should be doing.
00:29:38.100
Yeah, but if there's, if there's something where it's like, that's hard, I don't really
00:29:42.020
Then maybe you ought to think about doing that.
00:29:46.940
I was talking with, uh, uh, Colin in our cabin about, um, the impossible, right?
00:29:52.900
Cause I'm doing a race with my wife and she wants to do a century, which is a hundred miles.
00:29:58.020
And, and, and I'm really just supporting her and her goal here.
00:30:02.360
But, but, but he was, we were talking about this bike race and we're talking about marathons
00:30:07.520
And I, and I mentioned to him, I'm like, I, my first marathon I did because it felt impossible
00:30:15.600
I, I had this block that said weird people like runners do marathons.
00:30:27.260
And, and then the irony was when I decided I'd run a marathon is I pulled up the, the marathon
00:30:33.120
training schedule week one, three threes and a five.
00:30:37.580
And ironically, I was like, I can do three threes and a five thus I can do a marathon.
00:30:44.900
If I just stick to the plan and that's, and that's how I ultimately did my first marathon.
00:30:50.180
And so it's just, it's amazing to me how much that we have these impossibles in our mind
00:30:56.580
and the way that they're accomplished is not by running a marathon.
00:31:00.300
They're accomplished by winning the small battle.
00:31:02.480
Five, the three, the other three, the other three and the five and, and the continued
00:31:13.700
And I think that goes into the lesson to be extracted.
00:31:16.460
At least what I'm hearing anyways is, you know, you have these big audacious goals, things
00:31:22.460
And then we get discouraged because we don't see ourselves accomplishing those goals because
00:31:27.520
we've never done it or it's too far down the road or it's reserved for certain people,
00:31:34.220
You just have to break it down and you have to be good and you have to show up on a daily
00:31:48.420
And I was, and I was, I was very intimidated when I started.
00:31:57.760
And I'm like, you know, I really shouldn't have done that.
00:32:14.020
What, and, and, and some of it's just 100% mental block, right?
00:32:17.800
As a kid, the way I was raised, college was not a thing.
00:32:25.640
I just like, it's like, I just assumed that was reserved for rich people or educated people
00:32:31.900
Like, unfortunately, my parents are listening to my apologies, but it was just, wasn't something
00:32:38.100
And so it wasn't even on my radar and it was ironic.
00:32:41.460
It's like, I remember the high school counselor was like, Oh, have you thought about college?
00:32:51.860
It's weird how you're getting mental blocks with no reasoning behind them.
00:32:58.060
And that reason was probably formed centuries earlier.
00:33:01.960
So I don't know if you've ever heard this antidote and I've heard it, the story shared with a loaf
00:33:06.620
of bread with a turkey roast, like all kinds of different stuff.
00:33:17.360
So this woman is, we'll just use a loaf of bread.
00:33:19.780
It's making this loaf of bread and she's going to put it in the oven, but she takes this loaf
00:33:24.440
and before she puts it in the oven, she cuts the end off of each side of it.
00:33:29.040
And the husband says, why are you cutting the ends off before you put it in the oven?
00:33:33.420
And she's like, I don't know, that's the way my mom always did it.
00:33:43.860
You cut the ends off and then you put it in the oven.
00:33:52.300
So they go talk to grandma and they say, hey, you know, you, you taught us this and this
00:33:57.340
And you cut the ends off and you put it in the oven.
00:33:59.240
She's like, oh, because when I was a little girl, our oven was so small.
00:34:03.720
So we had to cut the ends off to put it into the oven.
00:34:08.100
And then a whole generation, multiple generations of people are impacted by a decision.
00:34:14.320
They had nothing to do with that doesn't apply to everyday life or their current reality.
00:34:20.240
And yet you're still performing in these scripts that have nothing to do with any scenario
00:34:28.300
that you're ever going to encounter or, and, and I, and I think it's important to bring
00:34:32.520
this up because I think there are things that have been passed down to us that we don't
00:34:36.020
understand and we stopped doing them just because that's true to the, we stopped doing
00:34:40.940
it just because like, well, I'm not going to do it.
00:34:44.200
Well, even in that scenario, we should probably ask because instead of like, oh, I just did
00:34:49.380
it because I had a small oven could have been, oh, I did that because I don't know, disease
00:34:54.620
forms on the end of the bread and it could have saved your life.
00:34:57.740
You know, it's like, oh shit, good thing we asked, right?
00:35:03.540
So I guess the lesson there is understand the why understand, but I, but even more of
00:35:19.960
If somebody teaches you that thing, whatever it is, uh, oh, so, uh, Laborio was talking
00:35:31.060
They call it that Valley to, which is like no holds barred.
00:35:36.280
And he said, the reason they give you points for knee on belly is because that was a sign
00:35:40.420
of submission in early jujitsu, your knees on their belly.
00:35:48.880
Well, I think that's a pretty good thing to know.
00:35:51.080
And so you got to ask yourself, is knee on belly even effective in today's jujitsu or
00:36:03.160
And it just takes a little inquisitiveness to figure it out.
00:36:09.920
What is the relationship between assertiveness and confidence and some tips to grow both
00:36:21.620
So there's two, there's, there's two different ways.
00:36:41.320
So let's look at an aggressive person and the correlation with confidence.
00:36:59.660
They just go and they leave this wake of collateral damage.
00:37:02.280
And so they might feel like they're confident because they're getting things done today.
00:37:09.380
And an aggressive person will get the job done today.
00:37:14.900
In two weeks when they don't have any friends or anybody who's going to listen to them or surround themselves with them.
00:37:24.280
Like you'll notice aggressive people start different businesses.
00:37:33.800
They're all over the place because they burn bridges and they beat people up.
00:37:38.180
And so people get wind of it and catch on to it.
00:37:40.860
And they're like, I don't want anything to do with Kip.
00:37:49.820
Some of those people will still stick around because you're your family.
00:38:05.940
I don't want to, I don't want to make him think that I don't like him, even though you
00:38:09.940
don't, I don't want to, you know, like get into a confrontation.
00:38:13.940
And so those two go really well together because they both serve each other's needs, but not
00:38:24.500
Because if a bully doesn't have anybody to bully, it's not a bully.
00:38:32.000
Because otherwise they're left to their own device to figure things out.
00:38:36.380
I was going to say it doesn't fall into their narrative.
00:38:44.580
So bully, come find me and validate my feelings.
00:38:49.000
So both aggressive and passive behavior leads to ego and it's very ego driven.
00:38:58.600
I feel big, I feel important, I feel powerful and that's not truly confident.
00:39:08.040
It might work for a time, but over time it isn't going to work.
00:39:12.360
To clarify, it requires in the example of bullying, if the bullying is not present, then
00:39:22.480
They couldn't sit with themselves and just feel confident because it's the bullying that
00:39:39.400
So let's take Matthew and this is not his personality.
00:39:48.740
But let's say he was, and he pride himself on kicking everybody's ass.
00:39:56.120
One day he's going to find a guy who's six, seven and 270 pounds.
00:40:02.080
Who's a bully and guess who's going to win that battle.
00:40:04.900
And then all of a sudden Matthew Arrington crashing thing is just shattered.
00:40:25.620
But if he builds it on being, being assertive, meaning that he's going to use a strength.
00:40:32.260
That's why he's getting strong so he can use it.
00:40:34.540
But then he also is technical and he also can read people well and he can also move well
00:40:41.700
And then when he rolls with a six, seven guy, the guy that's actually bigger and better
00:40:59.580
So the relationship between being assertive and confident, I think is explained through
00:41:07.340
sharing what isn't what, what the relationship isn't between confidence and being aggressive
00:41:20.660
Go ahead and have a, oh, I can have a sip for that.
00:41:27.740
Normally we don't chug drinks, but there's a discipline go like all over the place.
00:41:38.740
And then Frank, we were doing some technique on passes and he put his knee like on this
00:41:44.580
little skin right here and he didn't know he wasn't being a dick or anything.
00:41:49.720
And he just put his knee right on and it was like right on there.
00:42:00.100
Before going into business partnership with a friend, what are some things you would want
00:42:06.920
Or would you avoid this relationship altogether?
00:42:09.900
I find this very interesting because I was in the process of trying to get a friend of
00:42:14.680
mine to apply for a marketing position where I work.
00:42:24.600
I was like, Hans, I don't want to hurt our relationship.
00:42:28.040
I've been, and I have some thoughts about this because it really kind of bothered me.
00:42:39.320
And I'm kind of like, that sounds like a BS answer, right?
00:42:52.440
If let's say you and I wanted to go into partnership on a venture, the skillset has to
00:42:59.540
They have to be, not just skillset, but it has to be a valid hire, right?
00:43:09.140
You're not doing it because of just the friendship.
00:43:24.740
I know you, I know that you'll, isn't that even better?
00:43:31.660
Because I know that you're an effective communicator.
00:43:44.260
There's some things that you need to learn, but I know that if, if you aren't dialed that
00:43:50.900
I can say things to you and you won't take it personally and you'll apply it, I know that
00:43:58.520
So like we've been through some things where it isn't always rainbows and sunshine and yet
00:44:05.720
And so that's a pretty good indicator that maybe this is somebody who is capable of having
00:44:14.160
Now, in addition, I would say contracts and agreements rock solid.
00:44:26.160
And, and one thing I think a lot of people overlook is exit strategies.
00:44:32.140
So if you and I go into this venture, we, we're going to plan for it to do awesome.
00:44:45.600
Or what if it goes really well and I, I want to take it and run with it.
00:44:49.800
Or I want to go a different direction than you do.
00:44:52.180
Or I would like to buy you out or you'd like to buy me out.
00:44:57.080
How are we going to deal with that kind of stuff?
00:44:59.500
So when you do your agreements and your operating agreements and all your paperwork and all this
00:45:03.320
kind of stuff, work with somebody who's been through this.
00:45:05.140
Of course that I hope that goes without saying, look at their qualification.
00:45:08.760
Like you said, make sure this is a healthy, mature individual, not just, Hey, I like spending time
00:45:15.800
Then go to the pool on the weekends with them, with families getting together.
00:45:19.880
And then make sure you have your, your backend covered.
00:45:23.820
Like if things don't go well, like, Hey, when am I going to know that I can buy you out?
00:45:30.140
And when can you approach me about a potential buyout and maybe I'm not interested, but am
00:45:41.060
Well, and I think another distinction that might be present for us that other guys might
00:45:45.560
be looking like looking past is correct me if I'm wrong.
00:45:49.740
You and I, we don't have friendships with people that are mediocre and are fun to go drinking
00:45:56.620
with, but I don't, I don't really dig their like core principles and values as an individual.
00:46:03.040
So, so this is really applicable for the guys that have solid relationships, not your old
00:46:15.040
So this is a silly, small example, but I think it illustrates the point.
00:46:19.240
So before we hit record, you and I were in the chow hall, you were having lunch and I
00:46:24.440
had to go do another recording with the origin crew and I had my gear with me and I gave
00:46:29.300
you my computer and I said, Kip, will you just hang on to my computer and just like take
00:46:33.880
it over to the place when you're, when you're done eating and then I'll just meet you over
00:46:37.720
Outside of you putting a weird screensaver on it.
00:46:40.620
I knew for the most part, like not even the most part, I knew that my computer was safe
00:46:48.960
Like I knew you weren't going to forget my thing.
00:46:50.640
I knew you weren't going to like get spill water on it or whatever.
00:46:53.760
I knew if you did, you'd probably buy me a new one without a doubt.
00:46:59.140
And so I had the confidence to say, Hey, will you take this over?
00:47:04.240
Silly example, but I knew you would treat it the same way I would treat it.
00:47:15.680
And I accepted, I would treat whatever it was better than I would treat my own stuff.
00:47:20.980
And people have individuals in their lives that they can't do that with trust you with
00:47:28.940
my stuff because you're not going to respect it.
00:47:32.940
You're not thoughtful or reliable and et cetera.
00:47:36.100
Well, and here's what, here's what might happen.
00:47:38.140
So I get, let's say you're that kind of guy who won't be reliable.
00:47:44.600
And, um, let's say you forget it and it gets stolen.
00:47:48.920
And, and, um, I come in, I'm like, where's my computer?
00:47:58.460
Because I knew you were like that and I still gave you my computer.
00:48:02.060
So who's the idiot totally be, be aware of who's in your circle and what they're good
00:48:08.340
I know that sounds a little manipulative, but there's some people who, you know, you can
00:48:12.800
I just like, I like having them over for, for a barbecue with the families and their kids
00:48:17.180
and my kids get along and that's our relationship.
00:48:21.880
And then there's other people who different relationships that you could take it different
00:48:37.640
Well, his, no, his, his Insta name is one life.
00:48:57.420
It's the people I know that I really know that you can actually relate to.
00:49:02.860
It's not even guys here that I think are amazing.
00:49:16.360
So my mom is on that list, you know, she's somebody that I really, really admire and respect
00:49:30.200
I think it's overused, but those are, those are really like the two that come to mind.
00:49:36.380
I respect a lot of people for different aspects of life, but as far as like who my heroes are,
00:49:42.660
One thing that you, that I've really picked up from you over the years is when you look
00:49:48.980
for advice, you've, you've shared this a lot that like, that you don't, you find value
00:50:00.100
You just don't go like, oh, well, if they're not a icon, iconic figure in human history,
00:50:10.340
I love the way that he shows up and how hard he works.
00:50:13.360
And I'm going to, I look to him for advice in that, maybe in that particular area, or I
00:50:21.180
And then I, you know, and, and you really draw on a huge crowd of individuals to influence
00:50:27.760
We also need to be very wary of placing people on pedestals.
00:50:31.240
It's part of the reason I don't like hero worship type stuff.
00:50:38.200
And Jocko is a man that I think is worthy of high regard.
00:50:43.880
He's worthy of the, the respect that he is given by literally millions of people.
00:50:49.160
He's worthy of that, but I don't put them on a pedestal because I don't know him as a
00:51:02.180
So it's not fair of me to put him on a pedestal that he doesn't belong because here's what
00:51:08.420
I get wind of some celebrity who I've idolized and worship for the past 20 years.
00:51:13.020
And it turns out that guy is a loser and he's cheating on his wife or he's, you know, doing
00:51:22.060
And then it's like, it's like, well, yeah, I mean, that guy's a human.
00:51:25.120
And so what we do, what we should do is we should compartmentalize, right?
00:51:31.940
Not, and I'm not saying that in a judgmental way.
00:51:34.280
I'm saying like with you, Kip, like I can compartmentalize.
00:51:39.660
He's obviously clearly loyal and committed to his family.
00:51:53.660
But I'm not going to put you on a pedestal because there's things I know that you say
00:51:58.920
And if I said Kip's the most amazing person ever, I'm wrong.
00:52:03.080
But it also affects, like talk about how that affects you, right?
00:52:06.740
So like, like you, like we show up differently as well, right?
00:52:11.660
Like for instance, you know, we use the analogy of, you know, David, you know, effing Goggins,
00:52:19.820
And sometimes if I put him on a pedestal, I show up differently with him, right?
00:52:25.840
And my interaction with him might not even be, it might be in a negative way that affects
00:52:30.380
me or I'll do a comparison of myself against him all based upon a false, you know, understanding
00:52:41.520
And I've sat down face to face with him like we're doing right now.
00:52:56.680
So there's one of two things that could happen if I idolize David Goggins.
00:53:02.120
You said one, I can compare myself to him and then I'll feel like a loser.
00:53:07.120
Cause I don't do what he does, but you know what?
00:53:10.820
I'm a, I'm going to try to say this as respectfully as I can.
00:53:21.580
I'm not gonna pass judgment, but I'm going to just say, if we are just looking at one
00:53:25.020
aspect of his life and applying it broadly across, across all the things that he could
00:53:29.800
be doing and assume that he's just as good everywhere else.
00:53:36.000
And the other thing is that you think that you need to show up like that in order to
00:53:46.560
Now, if you want to be, if you're interested the same way he is, let me back.
00:53:52.340
Like if I want to be an altar runner, then okay.
00:53:56.620
But if I, if I want to be a, like a great father and an intentional with my kids playing
00:54:02.060
those Legos on the floor, that's wicked boring.
00:54:04.800
And I show up like Goggins, it's not going to work out well.
00:54:11.180
So when I started the game, I thought, man, I just, I want to create a podcast like Rogan.
00:54:18.440
And now, cause I got a little sneak behind the curtain.
00:54:24.360
I'm not going to turn it down, but I'll tell you what, I'm not willing to pay that price.
00:54:30.440
I mean, I'm going to work hard with my business, but I ain't doing that.
00:54:34.080
Cause I got other things that are important to me.
00:54:38.080
I'm not saying just because he's maybe not doing what I would be doing, that he should
00:54:44.620
Based upon your priorities, you're, you're clear on what you're willing to sacrifice.
00:54:48.040
So the hero thing, you have to be really, really careful of, I understand what Rick's
00:54:52.660
And so we, we answered the question, but I think it is important when we, when we praise
00:54:57.900
I mean, I've, I've had guys even here at camp who have said, Oh, I love you.
00:55:01.820
I listened to every, and I'm like, Oh, thank you.
00:55:07.880
I'm, I'm not like, I'm just, man, if, if you saw every aspect of my life, maybe you wouldn't
00:55:21.200
It's that I don't need to pretend that I'm somebody.
00:55:25.320
I don't want you to pretend that I'm better than I am because that might also give you
00:55:31.340
If, if you think that Goggins is the epitome of masculinity, well, no, there's no other Goggins
00:55:37.520
So what you're going to walk around feeling deficient your entire life because you don't
00:55:46.660
David Osburnson, some scientists claim we, uh, so we, okay, his grammar is messed up,
00:55:55.120
So some scientists claim, uh, of many universes, uh, or what is known as the multiverse theory.
00:56:02.360
I find this argument to be lazy since we don't, or we haven't explored our universe.
00:56:07.140
My question is, do you think that this is a lazy argument?
00:56:11.160
Well, I think we have explored our universe, maybe not to the degree that it could be explored,
00:56:19.340
but does believing in the multiverse stop us from exploring it?
00:56:23.280
Because it's like, oh, well now we have endless possibilities.
00:56:27.480
So that's, that would be like, uh, let's say you're really into jujitsu kit and I'm into
00:56:37.140
Cause we don't know everything we could know about Muay Thai.
00:56:39.180
Like we should all be focusing on my Thai or Muay Thai.
00:56:46.400
Like, oh, well we, you know, um, we don't, we don't know any, everything about the guitar.
00:56:52.440
So like, why is anybody, why is anybody even playing drums?
00:57:02.820
Like, I don't think they're at odds with each other.
00:57:04.460
I think everybody has something that's different.
00:57:06.180
And so if you say to yourself, I think we should explore this universe, then absolutely
00:57:11.940
Well, you know, people want to go to space, but what about the deepest depths of the sea?
00:57:15.880
Well, yeah, I think we should, I think we should do both.
00:57:18.680
I think if you want to go live on Mars and figure out a way to do it, then that actually
00:57:21.700
might advance our ability to live at 20,000 feet under the sea or whatever it is.
00:57:26.040
So I don't think they're at odds with each other, but I also don't think it's a lazy
00:57:30.100
argument to say that just because there's an infinite number of universes that I don't
00:57:38.280
I think it's just a great philosophical question and it's striving for understanding.
00:57:43.320
And maybe it's like throwing a spaghetti on the wall and seeing what sticks.
00:57:50.640
It's like, let's throw it on the wall and see jujitsu is very much the same way you talked
00:57:53.720
about it earlier, you know, like sometimes you're going to do like, do something weird,
00:57:58.360
like something totally unorthodox and, and you know, you might get caught or you might
00:58:04.920
catch it and you're like, Oh, I figured out a new way to do something.
00:58:08.500
And so I just threw it on the wall to see what sticks and that playfulness.
00:58:19.760
Some of the most successful people in the world, we're talking about musicians and scientists
00:58:25.260
They know the rules and because they know the rules really well, they know how to step
00:58:32.280
outside of the box and outside of the rules and bend it a little bit or tweak it or adjust
00:58:39.880
We know the rules, but I also think it's important that we explore and consider and ponder and,
00:58:43.600
and just see, you know, like maybe, and maybe somebody disproves that in 10 years,
00:58:51.120
or maybe somebody proves it totally, but like, it's not lazy.
00:58:55.380
It's actually an exercise and creativity and thought and yeah, as long as you don't use
00:59:02.060
But if I said, well, you know, jujitsu guys are lazy because they don't like Muay Thai.
00:59:16.280
What is your favorite podcast interview that you've ever done and why?
00:59:25.780
There actually is that there's actually some truth in that.
00:59:38.720
You didn't ask me like, like you're asking me, what's my favorite?
00:59:45.260
I could tell you like there, here's the five that I like or whatever.
00:59:50.780
Like your favorite moment in life should probably be in the one that you're in.
00:59:55.700
And that's hard to say because I know a lot of people are in some difficult circumstances.
01:00:00.580
And so to say, well, I'm just really happy about being here is kind of silly too.
01:00:09.780
And, and so what will, I think what we'll do a lot of the times is we'll look backwards and we'll say, well, that was my favorite day.
01:00:21.900
If we go back and take state, no doubt in my mind, coach just put me in, just put them in.
01:00:30.040
But the other way we fail to live is, uh, I was at the gas station the other day and I said, you know, it was, it was like a Monday or Tuesday.
01:00:37.900
And I said, Hey, you know, how are you doing today?
01:00:39.340
And, and she was like, Oh, I'm doing good, but I'm just, I'm waiting for the weekend.
01:00:49.740
You're going to waste four days, four days thinking about what's going to go on on Saturday.
01:01:00.200
Now in the spirit of the question, let's answer it.
01:01:02.520
Uh, I'd really like my podcast with Jocko have been good.
01:01:08.080
I really liked Madison Cawthorn that we did a couple of weeks ago.
01:01:25.640
The face to face one was better than the first one.
01:01:31.780
Um, those are the ones that really stand out to, to me and the, and the things that I'm
01:01:40.240
very interested into, you know, like I try to be interested in a lot, but the things that
01:01:44.160
I have an affinity for, I'm like, Oh, this is really cool.
01:01:47.760
That was cool because I, I, I'm very interested in the subject.
01:01:54.840
It's, uh, uh, well you did a face to face with Andy too, right?
01:02:00.720
In fact, Andy and I are going to be podcasting here very soon doing another round.
01:02:05.840
And he's, and I'll tell you, if you guys don't know Andy, I mean, I'm sure everyone, just
01:02:11.240
about everybody that listens to this probably listens to his real AF podcast.
01:02:16.140
Uh, but you may not have ever met him personally or sat down with him for any amount of time.
01:02:20.420
I'm telling you what, right now, if you don't already know this, that guy is one of
01:02:25.300
He comes across as brash and arrogant sometimes on his podcast.
01:02:29.120
And I remember the first time I listened, I was like, who the hell is this guy?
01:02:34.180
And then I kept listening like, yeah, well, he's kind of a jerk, but he's right.
01:02:42.580
Louis and him and I, you know, met and he put me up in a nice hotel and had somebody,
01:02:47.480
you know, drive me around and him and Sal showed me the place.
01:02:50.980
And he was just very, very just humble and present and gracious and thankful that I
01:03:00.680
would, he's like, he, he thanked me, but the way he did it was like, so genuine.
01:03:04.100
He was like, Oh man, thank you so much for coming out.
01:03:08.100
And I thought to myself, no man, thank you for having me out.
01:03:18.180
Curd, you know, I have no idea on Instagram how, where, where the, where the space should
01:03:28.780
As everyone is flawed, how can we be present with our flaws and how can we turn them into
01:03:43.880
So you're not, if you're not aware of your flaws.
01:03:54.420
Like I want everything now without working and without the effort, like I want it all
01:03:59.720
Or, you know, if I'm expecting something to get done, like I need somebody to like get
01:04:07.500
But if you're not going to recognize that it's an issue, then, you know, how, like you
01:04:11.680
said, how are you ever going to be able to deal with it?
01:04:13.280
So you just ask yourself, what, what can I learn and how can I, how can I improve upon
01:04:20.160
this, uh, this issue and then surround yourself with people who are good at it too, by the
01:04:24.820
If you want to, if you want to improve your patience, then surround yourself with people
01:04:28.040
who, who are even keel and level-headed and very patient and you're going to learn from
01:04:34.300
Ask them, Hey, you know, you seem to be pretty patient.
01:04:37.140
I'm kind of on, on edge a lot of the time and I want things to get done now.
01:04:43.440
And some of it might just be personality and they may have a hard time answering the
01:04:52.240
Well, maybe you can learn a few things just by osmosis.
01:04:55.500
Or, or how they just approach situations, right?
01:04:58.220
Maybe it comes natural, but they still approach situations a certain way.
01:05:04.400
My wife and I are both the oldest of our siblings and we are seeing a lot of them start
01:05:09.020
to give up on solid values and lean towards victimhood mindset and flimsy values that are
01:05:16.860
What can, uh, what can I do as an older brother to help them start, take action, become more
01:05:22.680
accountable and save our younger siblings while we all still have the chance?
01:05:33.480
And I hate to say that because you're siblings, they care about them.
01:05:40.400
Well, a lot of the times what we'll do is, well, bulldoze them.
01:05:43.100
And then we're talking about earlier and then you create more distance and, and that creates
01:05:49.460
So that doesn't always play to anybody's favor.
01:05:52.920
Uh, what I would suggest instead, and we've talked about the lighthouse analogy is just
01:05:57.220
continue to shine, uh, and then also connect the dots, you know?
01:06:01.260
So when they see you being successful as a family, cause even, even those who may disagree
01:06:06.460
with you religiously or, or politically, uh, or any number of things, they still want similar
01:06:20.260
And so if, uh, if you lead from the front and they see it, then you just connect the dots
01:06:24.600
And, and so there's opportunities to explain that, for example, uh, people will say things
01:06:30.040
like, uh, Oh, you know, your kids are so well-behaved, right?
01:06:40.840
And so we share those stories when, when applicable.
01:06:43.780
You know, so not to say that that's the only way to raise respectful kids.
01:06:50.100
I'm just, I'm just saying like, you just formulate and make the connections.
01:06:53.820
And then the other thing is don't worry about proving them wrong.
01:06:58.760
They might be wrong, but don't worry about proving them wrong.
01:07:07.140
Like, you know, I struggle with this and love them.
01:07:11.220
I struggle with this because to me, I'm just like, I don't know.
01:07:13.780
Let's let people do what they want as long as it doesn't affect me.
01:07:16.640
But again, where you're in a sibling leadership role, I think you're probably taking on some
01:07:20.140
of that patriarchal duty within the family, which I think is good.
01:07:28.320
And hopefully when they're ready, they'll come around.
01:07:32.060
And that's a little bit of what this question is alluding to.
01:07:36.920
You can't rescue people who aren't willing to participate in the rescue.
01:07:42.000
If you and I were on a cruise ship and you fell off the edge and I saw you down there
01:07:46.920
in the wake and I threw the lifesaver, I'm like, Kip, and I threw the thing to you and
01:07:56.040
And I'm like, okay, I guess he wants me to land it on his head, reel it up, throw it
01:08:02.280
I might do that three or four times before I say, bro, totally like what?
01:08:08.220
And there are people who are not willing to participate in their own rescue and it sucks
01:08:12.580
because I would hate to see you drowned, but ultimately that's your choice.
01:08:16.980
If I'm, if I've done and if I've done everything I can, I'm not saying wash your hands completely.
01:08:21.220
Like, like if you fell overboard, I'm like, well, that sucks.
01:08:29.640
I would probably throw something to you if, you know, like, of course.
01:08:35.940
One of my favorite quotes in that same vein is, and I'm horrible at quoting people.
01:08:41.640
But it was like, before you try to save someone, ask them if they're willing to give up what
01:08:49.540
And the reality of it is most of them aren't willing to give that up.
01:08:52.560
So, you can save people a lot, but they're going to continue.
01:09:05.620
Before you try to save somebody, make sure you're capable of saving them.
01:09:29.460
So, make sure you're in a position to save people.
01:09:33.820
Say, you know, there might come a day in time where my children want to experiment with
01:09:38.380
Or my, my kids might, you know, have, have premarital sex.
01:09:42.560
Or they might make choices that aren't going to serve them well.
01:09:45.560
And if I don't have the trust and credibility and, and ability to communicate effectively,
01:09:50.880
and I don't have the moral ground to stand on, uh, if, if I haven't communicated with
01:09:56.360
this, with them, uh, or they say, see me, you know, like health, for example, is a great
01:10:01.720
If, uh, if my children are struggling with, with their health and they're making poor
01:10:05.560
health choices, but I'm 300 pounds and, you know, and my body fat is 40%.
01:10:10.780
And I'm like, you know, you really should do, what are they going to say?
01:10:17.420
So you better make sure you're qualified and leading from the front.
01:10:29.960
Admittedly struggling a bit, but I'm committed engaging in conversations, opening up, et cetera
01:10:37.800
I do have a few things to share, but I'm generally a quiet and observed kind of guy advice on
01:10:51.560
I'm just not comfortable with talking in public.
01:10:54.140
So you got to talk in public more so you can get comfortable with it.
01:10:57.960
I'm not comfortable, um, having difficult conversations with people.
01:11:02.620
Well, have a difficult conversation with somebody and maybe it's, it's slightly difficult.
01:11:09.180
Or just having the conversation you don't want to have.
01:11:12.920
I'm not, I'm not good at making, um, decisions.
01:11:15.740
I'm not very assertive when it comes to making decisions.
01:11:20.100
Well, first you make decisions, but even more so you can do them in micro doses.
01:11:24.360
So if somebody says, uh, let's say there's four of us and we're at the cabin today and,
01:11:27.940
and we're like, Hey, let's, let's go have some lunch.
01:11:36.220
You're, you just say, Hey guys, like, uh, I'd like to have Del Taco or by the way, that
01:11:44.700
Maybe they'll send us some money just by default or some tacos, taco time.
01:11:50.780
And I did Monroe, uh, in Richfield in Richfield.
01:11:55.800
I think there are 69 cent tacos or 59 cent tacos.
01:11:58.720
And me and my stepdad would go get like 30 of them and a drink.
01:12:10.500
And then you get the, um, the chips with cinnamon on them as the dessert.
01:12:14.920
I don't know that I ever got those, but that's not like churro chips.
01:12:20.900
But to answer the question, who knows how we got to talk about churro chips.
01:12:26.420
And, and by the way, being comfortable with it, isn't a prerequisite to doing it.
01:12:33.200
It's like circular thinking like Ryan, I'm not good at speaking in public.
01:12:40.440
Who says you have to be comfortable enough to do it?
01:12:45.940
I think they're like, I just want to be confident enough talking with women.
01:12:49.320
You have to go talk with women, but I'm not even confident to think about talking with women.
01:12:53.620
I know you force yourself to do it and you'll get some confidence.
01:12:57.460
You have to force yourself to do it in spite of not wanting to do it or feel comfortable with it.
01:13:01.920
And the iron council, sorry, I got to say one other thing.
01:13:04.280
The iron council is a very good place to do it because, so we talked about this a couple of weeks ago.
01:13:13.800
And, and I, and I talked to the guys on the Friday call.
01:13:19.300
And so I talked to the guys on the call and a lot of them were like, oh, you know, it has a negative connotation and it totally does.
01:13:25.560
But I wanted to bring that up because the way that, and here's how I classified it.
01:13:30.260
We aren't talking about safe spaces from microaggressions.
01:13:35.020
We're not talking about the avoidance, avoiding hardship or challenging.
01:13:39.380
What we're doing is we're talking about in an environment that we actually can have those conversations and we've created an environment that fosters hardship and discomfort with minimal consequence.
01:13:52.720
Like worst case scenario, you rub a bunch of guys wrong in the IC, you join another team.
01:14:02.220
If maybe, but you're not going to lose your job.
01:14:04.340
You're not going to get fired and your wife's not going to leave you.
01:14:10.880
So on our Friday calls, for example, we have all the new guys introduce themselves right off the bat.
01:14:16.900
Some of them you could tell are very comfortable with it.
01:14:19.720
Other guys are like, and there's probably even guys who are so afraid of it that they don't even do it.
01:14:24.880
Well, I've known guys that joined the IC and they don't do it for weeks because they're struggling with this.
01:14:30.060
So what I would say, iron council, introduce yourself on the Friday call.
01:14:35.180
If you feel like you have something to share, because the way that we run our Friday calls is we'll solicit questions from members and then we'll open it up.
01:14:43.220
And all the guys will discuss and talk and I, and I, or you sometimes will moderate it and facilitate it.
01:14:48.880
And if you feel like you have something to share, raise your hand.
01:14:53.060
And you know how you, how you know you're, you're feeling that this is how I experience it.
01:14:58.520
I get little butterflies in my stomach, start breathing hard.
01:15:01.760
And I'm like, I want to share this, but I don't, but what if somebody says something, oh, and you get lower in your chair and you're like, I hope time runs out and you're like slinking down.
01:15:10.500
That's a great indicator that you have something meaningful to share.
01:15:14.320
And maybe even if it's not meaningful, you still do it.
01:15:27.760
When I was doing retail, I had a manager that taught us a very simple, but effective technique that's transferred to every facet of my life.
01:15:36.180
And one thing that we had to do in sales training is you overcome objections, right?
01:15:43.620
And what my sales manager did is she said, you know, Ryan, one good strategy you can do is that if you're feeling like there might be an objection,
01:15:49.880
you bring it up ahead of time before it gets brought up.
01:15:58.700
So somebody comes in and objection might be, well, I'm just looking.
01:16:04.740
So if you came in and I said, Hey, you know, how are you doing?
01:16:09.020
If I felt like you might say that, what I would say a better way to say that is like, Hey, sir, thanks for coming in.
01:16:14.060
I know you're probably just looking around and, uh, you can flag me down if you need some help, but you're probably just looking right now.
01:16:18.740
In the meantime, I see that you're wearing a certain pair of jeans, uh, this pair and this pair, and they're right over here on the table.
01:16:24.760
They actually fit very similar to what you have on.
01:16:26.840
So take a look if you want and flag me down when you're ready.
01:16:30.780
I just, I just completely tore down all the walls.
01:16:39.860
Cause you're already addressed the quote unquote scenario that I brought to the table.
01:16:44.700
So, so to, to answer XO's question here is if you're nervous, it's okay to say you're nervous.
01:16:54.220
So what I would do, even if I had to do public speaking, let's say business network, international
01:17:03.520
I think it's a good strategy because you get people's, they're like, oh man, genuine.
01:17:10.480
So what I would say is I'd get up in front of this whiteboard, there's a whiteboard right
01:17:13.460
here and I would get up and I would say, guys, thank you for having me today.
01:17:19.900
I'm, I am a little nervous, but it's important for me to be up here because I feel like I
01:17:25.740
So I appreciate you affording me some grace and knowing that I'm nervous.
01:17:43.040
I don't know if this is a full fledged, like third strategy or if it's just a consideration.
01:17:48.100
Um, but one thing that, that I think about when, when we hire employees or, and I, I'm assuming
01:17:55.460
where at least for me, it plays a part in what we're doing here at order of man and an iron
01:18:00.540
council is my commitment to something greater than myself.
01:18:05.480
And, and, and my buy-in right to that desired outcome.
01:18:10.460
And when it transcends me and if my share is because it's important to me and my share isn't
01:18:19.780
about looking good or something else like that, then it really puts me in a position to say,
01:18:26.620
I don't care because what we're doing or what I want to share is so darn important that I'm
01:18:34.720
willing to put myself out there regardless of if I'm nervous or not.
01:18:39.180
And there's something to be said for that, right?
01:18:43.180
And, and it's, and it might even be that you said, I don't care.
01:18:49.480
My, what, what, what, the language I would say to myself is I do care, but this is more
01:19:05.840
Like if I'm, if you and I are going to train and I'm nervous because you're more experienced
01:19:14.140
Am I, am I going to, am I really thinking about, am I nervous because I'm worried about
01:19:20.740
And I'm saying that as, as kindly as I can, but, but to your point, the reason that you
01:19:26.220
have those nerves and you're so focused on it is because you're worried about perception
01:19:30.400
So again, we're going to go back to the whiteboard.
01:19:32.220
If I'm going to go do a presentation, I actually say this because I, I believe you're
01:19:36.280
And this is a prayer that I say before I'm going to go speak in public or do a podcast
01:19:40.480
And I say this, God, please help me deliver this message in a way that it's going to be
01:19:52.240
Or even in the morning, I say this not, so I look good and I'm praised by other men in
01:19:59.260
When I, when I wake up, I try to pray in the morning too.
01:20:01.800
And one of the things I say is, please put me in front of people who need to be served
01:20:07.860
today and then give me whatever I need to be able to serve those people effectively.
01:20:13.540
Whether that's a few bucks or a kind smile or hope, hold open the door or the ability to
01:20:20.960
Give me whatever I need to be in people's, uh, to, to help people where they need help
01:20:32.620
I think that's why religion, in my opinion, can be so valuable to people because it, it,
01:20:41.080
whether, you know, regardless of belief, let's just assume that religion is just a, well,
01:20:46.760
it is ultimately a choice, but let's just assume just the value of believing in something greater
01:20:53.840
It allows you to transcend difficult circumstances and say, this, this is something bigger than
01:21:03.040
And so it's a little different than what we're talking about.
01:21:05.240
It makes you better because if I, for example, if I get up in front of the whiteboard and
01:21:10.820
I want to present in front of a group of a hundred or a 10,000 or a hundred thousand
01:21:25.620
Because I'm like, okay, well, in order to affect these people positively and, and really
01:21:30.060
serve the mission and do what I want to do, I actually have to get better at this.
01:21:34.440
So I have to study, I have to prepare, I have to learn skillsets, I have to practice.
01:21:39.700
And so a, because you want to serve them and serve people.
01:21:43.760
We need to be in it, uh, the best tool possible to do so.
01:21:50.860
I can't not know how to communicate effectively because I could do all of those things.
01:21:56.800
But if I want to serve the mission and I want to serve the men that we're talking about
01:22:02.720
I have to be the best, I have to be working towards becoming the best version of myself.
01:22:11.160
If you guys want to join Mr. XO in the iron council, you can do so by going to order of
01:22:29.540
All right, you guys, well, we're going to wrap things up because we got about 20 minutes
01:22:33.820
before our next instruction here at camp immersion, origin immersion camp.
01:22:39.500
Make sure to jump on and continue to give Kip a hard time about his, uh, my singlet, his
01:22:44.040
singlet that he was wearing, but also props to you.
01:22:58.840
No, I, I recorded it and put it on my Instagram.
01:23:03.200
I'm like, yeah, this is weakness leaving my body.
01:23:10.920
Uh, we'll be back on Friday for Friday field notes until then go out there, take action
01:23:18.680
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
01:23:21.600
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:23:25.580
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.