Order of Man - Tips for Starting Jiu-Jitsu, the Link Between Assertiveness and Confidence, and Turning Flaws into Advantages ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.400 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.460 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.680 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.920 Mr. Kip Sorensen, we're doing this face-to-face. Doesn't happen very often.

00:00:28.360 It's exciting. I feel like I'm getting interviewed.

00:00:33.120 You are. This is the Kip Show. Everybody saw you in your singlet or whatever today.

00:00:37.640 What do you even call that thing?

00:00:39.700 Cycling shorts.

00:00:41.180 Yeah, but it's, I mean, that doesn't do it justice.

00:00:43.500 People don't know that it has like, they have singlet tops or like little.

00:00:47.380 Yeah, if you say cycling shorts, like everybody kind of has a vision of what that looks like,

00:00:51.100 but that doesn't do justice to what you were wearing.

00:00:53.440 Luckily, I pulled them over so I wasn't showing any nips. 1.00

00:00:56.680 Otherwise, it may have been awkward for you.

00:00:58.840 I was a little disappointed, actually.

00:01:00.780 If you guys want to see that photo, go check out Ryan Michler on Instagram.

00:01:04.980 That's right. That's right.

00:01:06.640 So, here we are at, or decrease them.

00:01:10.740 Here we are at Origin Immersion Camp, day two.

00:01:15.100 Day one and a half, really.

00:01:17.580 We did a half day yesterday.

00:01:19.000 Today's our first full day.

00:01:20.140 We'll be out here for a week.

00:01:21.680 Is this number three for you?

00:01:23.380 Yeah, this is three for me.

00:01:24.740 I can't remember if this is three or four for me.

00:01:27.160 Yeah.

00:01:27.540 But this is really how I got into jujitsu.

00:01:29.740 Did you know that?

00:01:30.600 Yeah.

00:01:31.040 Well, I mean, I think you were dabbling beforehand.

00:01:34.540 If that.

00:01:35.000 And then this was the push off the cliff into jujitsu.

00:01:38.460 It was the push off of the jujitsu train, actually, for like a year.

00:01:43.200 Oh, really?

00:01:43.520 Did you know that?

00:01:43.920 So, you came to an immersion, then you stopped.

00:01:45.600 Then I stopped.

00:01:46.160 So, I got invited to come out here in 2000, who knows?

00:01:51.640 It's all bleeding together.

00:01:52.880 2017, 18, somewhere in there.

00:01:54.520 Yeah.

00:01:55.440 And then I told Matt Arrington, mutual friend of ours.

00:01:59.140 Yeah.

00:01:59.340 And he used to help co-host the events that we do for Order of Man stuff.

00:02:04.200 So, I told him I was coming out here.

00:02:05.320 He's like, yeah, come train.

00:02:06.620 And so, I think I went to a handful of classes with him.

00:02:09.760 Yeah.

00:02:10.300 In St. George.

00:02:11.100 In St. George.

00:02:11.560 Yeah.

00:02:11.780 And then I came to this full week, 100% all in.

00:02:16.680 I'm sure you went 100% day one.

00:02:18.780 Day two, Ryan's like, I'm done.

00:02:21.460 I was beat up.

00:02:22.540 And I'm feeling it right now.

00:02:23.820 Like, my arms are a little sore and I'm tired.

00:02:25.840 So, we're just kind of relaxing right now before our next session.

00:02:28.600 But then I went home and I stopped training for another year.

00:02:33.700 And then we moved out here to Maine.

00:02:35.900 And I've been on the train consistent for like two and a half years.

00:02:39.460 Was it immersion that knowing that immersion two was coming up and you're thought, hmm,

00:02:45.260 if I'm going to go again, I need to start training.

00:02:47.320 Did you start picking up training before immersion happened?

00:02:50.200 Yeah.

00:02:50.360 Because I was already out here.

00:02:51.740 Yeah.

00:02:52.100 I already moved out.

00:02:53.200 So, I had probably trained for five or six months before I came to the last one.

00:02:59.060 Copy.

00:02:59.960 And then, yeah.

00:03:02.660 So, this must be my fourth one.

00:03:04.600 Anyway, so, here we are in honor of what we're doing here.

00:03:07.660 We each have our Discipline Go.

00:03:10.520 What flavor do you have?

00:03:11.560 I got Jocko Palmer.

00:03:12.700 Is that your favorite, by the way?

00:03:13.980 I haven't tried Jocko Palmer.

00:03:15.700 It's pretty good.

00:03:16.400 Yeah.

00:03:16.700 So, that's why I snag it.

00:03:17.920 It's an Arnold Palmer is what it is.

00:03:18.840 Yeah.

00:03:19.000 It's pretty good.

00:03:19.960 Does that mean there's alcohol in here?

00:03:21.980 No, unfortunately.

00:03:23.020 Okay.

00:03:23.780 It's just virgin Jocko Palmer.

00:03:25.400 Sorry, honey.

00:03:26.000 I just started drinking.

00:03:28.460 Hey.

00:03:28.920 And I've got Afterburner Orange, Dave Burke's signature flavor.

00:03:33.140 Yeah.

00:03:33.460 Whose signature flavor is this?

00:03:35.280 Is this Jocko's?

00:03:36.020 It must just be Jocko's. 0.80

00:03:37.400 Okay.

00:03:37.880 So, let's open up.

00:03:40.060 Oh.

00:03:40.700 Hold on.

00:03:43.600 You're struggling with that a little bit.

00:03:45.200 Oh, yeah.

00:03:45.800 Cheers.

00:03:46.660 Cheers.

00:03:47.060 What I love, hear me gulp on the mic here.

00:03:53.460 It's, yeah.

00:03:54.340 The funny part was, is this morning, we're bunked up with a group of guys from the Order

00:03:59.600 of Man crew here at Origin.

00:04:02.000 Yep.

00:04:02.640 It's, I'm still asleep.

00:04:04.820 And all of a sudden, I hear a Jocko go can open.

00:04:09.240 Who was it?

00:04:10.000 First thing in the morning, I hear it go, pops open.

00:04:12.940 I was like, that's hilarious.

00:04:13.840 Who was it?

00:04:14.500 I think it was Michael.

00:04:15.500 Michael Bowen.

00:04:16.360 Right?

00:04:16.680 Bowen.

00:04:17.060 Yeah.

00:04:17.460 Yeah.

00:04:17.760 Yeah.

00:04:18.420 Yeah.

00:04:18.760 Getting after it early.

00:04:20.360 Right away.

00:04:21.340 Roll over.

00:04:22.080 That's funny.

00:04:22.380 He doesn't grab his phone.

00:04:23.440 No.

00:04:23.820 Rolls over, grabs some go, chugging, then get up.

00:04:27.400 The way it's supposed to be done.

00:04:29.280 So, here we are in the radio show, or the radio department, or studio, or whatever, at

00:04:35.040 this camp that we're at, and we're surrounded by some guitars, so I think you were saying

00:04:41.020 you were going to do a little musical number here?

00:04:43.040 Yeah, sure.

00:04:43.760 Weren't you saying something like that?

00:04:44.600 The dance?

00:04:45.220 You're going to serenade a dance team? 0.52

00:04:46.180 I serenade it to you.

00:04:47.680 Yeah.

00:04:48.220 I like it.

00:04:49.080 All right.

00:04:49.540 Go.

00:04:50.440 Yeah.

00:04:50.980 No.

00:04:51.400 You were playing the drums for me earlier, though.

00:04:53.400 Yeah.

00:04:54.040 Those, I don't know what that's called.

00:04:55.700 Everyone probably knows what this is called, but it's like a little box that you play drums

00:04:59.120 against.

00:04:59.520 Those are super cool.

00:04:59.980 I've never seen them before.

00:05:00.900 Yeah.

00:05:01.200 I'm not very musically inclined.

00:05:02.200 I've seen them used well.

00:05:03.580 I can't do it, but.

00:05:04.820 Well, so we solicited some questions from Instagram, and so let's hammer through them.

00:05:11.020 Let's get through as many as we can.

00:05:12.160 All right.

00:05:12.460 That's at Ryan Michler.

00:05:13.580 If you guys want to go see this beautiful photo.

00:05:15.600 So we joked around.

00:05:16.780 We took a shot.

00:05:17.580 I had cycling shorts on.

00:05:18.760 Looks like a singlet.

00:05:19.940 Yep.

00:05:21.040 You had your.

00:05:21.460 Way worse than just, even a singlet doesn't do it justice.

00:05:24.200 Yeah.

00:05:24.520 Yeah.

00:05:24.840 I should have put a cup on before we took that photo.

00:05:27.620 You should have.

00:05:28.500 Definitely.

00:05:29.200 I noticed that you had your shirt over.

00:05:31.140 You were covering the lack of.

00:05:33.220 The lack of three dimension there.

00:05:36.400 Hey, it's because there's the diaper in those things.

00:05:39.580 That's why.

00:05:40.000 The maxi pad or whatever that you're on.

00:05:42.400 Yeah.

00:05:42.520 Totally.

00:05:43.420 Anyhow.

00:05:43.860 So it's just kind of funny.

00:05:45.300 So I, I, I want to bring them up, but, but there's a couple.

00:05:48.380 The one question is, of course, your wife's like, Ooh, gross. 1.00

00:05:52.620 I don't know if she's saying that about me or you.

00:05:54.560 I'm sure it was me.

00:05:55.660 Yeah.

00:05:55.980 I'm sure it was me.

00:05:56.860 She's like, stay away from my husband. 0.67

00:06:00.760 But Jay Somers, he's like, WTF. 0.95

00:06:05.120 What's going on with your belt? 0.79

00:06:06.360 Cause you got to explain that, right?

00:06:08.160 With my belt.

00:06:08.920 Yeah.

00:06:09.140 Your belt.

00:06:09.780 Cause it's all.

00:06:10.800 What was wrong with it?

00:06:11.320 I don't want to give it away.

00:06:12.040 I want you to answer it.

00:06:13.500 I don't.

00:06:13.740 What was wrong with it?

00:06:14.480 Well, your, the belt that, that you got promoted and they gave you, it was too small.

00:06:19.300 So your bar is getting in the knot.

00:06:21.280 Yes.

00:06:21.520 Yes.

00:06:22.600 I thought he was saying I tied it wrong or something.

00:06:24.500 No, no, no.

00:06:24.840 I checked.

00:06:25.480 When I saw the question, he's like, what's up with your belt?

00:06:27.280 I'm like, Oh, please, Ryan, don't, don't tie your belt wrong in the photo.

00:06:30.600 Yeah.

00:06:30.880 No, I think I tied it right.

00:06:31.960 Oh yeah.

00:06:32.260 It looked good.

00:06:32.860 Okay.

00:06:33.120 Good.

00:06:33.900 It's just a little small.

00:06:35.260 That's all.

00:06:35.820 No.

00:06:36.020 When, when I got the belt, that's, that's the one they had.

00:06:38.660 And I think they just had the wrong size and it's one of, so origin doesn't do belts.

00:06:43.240 They don't make belts, but they had a couple or they used to do them.

00:06:47.140 And so that was their last one.

00:06:48.340 And that's the one that he awarded me my blue belt with.

00:06:50.860 Yeah.

00:06:51.320 And I was like, Oh, I should probably get another belt.

00:06:53.280 That's a little longer, but no, like, I'm not going to give you that's the one they gave

00:06:58.080 me.

00:06:59.060 So maybe I just need to lose a few pounds and then maybe it'll fit a little better.

00:07:02.120 I don't know.

00:07:03.060 It's pretty small.

00:07:04.200 It's small.

00:07:05.000 It's small.

00:07:05.600 So yeah, it's, so that's what's going on with my belt.

00:07:09.960 Yeah.

00:07:10.160 There's something that he said for that.

00:07:11.460 All right.

00:07:11.840 So Pablo, a quick question, um, from Pablo, gi or no gi, what's your favorite man?

00:07:17.420 Uh, well, I don't, gi only because that's what I normally train. 1.00

00:07:20.380 Okay.

00:07:20.820 So I actually, you like it sometimes.

00:07:25.160 Okay.

00:07:25.480 So people are, I'm going to get beat up over this answer.

00:07:28.160 Okay.

00:07:29.060 I just think, I think gi is harder than no gi. 0.52

00:07:33.600 Agreed.

00:07:34.040 Because, because people can grab you like Kip, if you grab me with no gi after like

00:07:40.300 a few minutes, we're both sweaty.

00:07:41.680 We're swimming around in sweat pools, your ability to grab me and hold onto me is, is

00:07:48.260 diminished drastically.

00:07:50.400 But when a gi, you and I were training last night, you know, you can grab, you can maneuver,

00:07:54.820 you can change, you can manipulate.

00:07:56.200 There's just so much people down.

00:07:57.920 Totally.

00:07:58.240 So I think, and again, there's going to be a bunch of no gi guys. 1.00

00:08:01.740 You're like, what are you talking about?

00:08:02.820 But I think gi is harder, but I don't, it doesn't matter to me. 0.60

00:08:07.200 And you know, you have guys, you're like, well, you know, gi and well, no gi because

00:08:10.480 of this.

00:08:11.220 It's just what we train.

00:08:12.740 Yeah.

00:08:13.420 And what I know.

00:08:14.240 And I think there's value in no gi because people are going to be wearing clothes if you 1.00

00:08:18.640 get into an altercation.

00:08:20.220 Totally.

00:08:20.740 So forget about the sport aspect of it.

00:08:22.980 Yeah.

00:08:23.180 I think there's a case to be made for the sport element.

00:08:25.420 Like that's fine.

00:08:25.960 That isn't my main focus is the sport competition side of it is just so I can be a more effective

00:08:31.640 person.

00:08:33.200 But yeah, you're going to have a shirt on or shorts or, you know, you're going to have

00:08:38.280 grip material.

00:08:38.920 I mean, you showed me a baseball bat choke years ago using a hat.

00:08:42.060 Yeah.

00:08:42.480 Right.

00:08:42.700 Like people are going to have things that you can grab, but that said, there's value

00:08:47.580 in no gi too, because if I need to grab your wrist or control your wrist or do an ankle

00:08:51.620 pick and you don't have a sleeve or you're wearing shorts, you know, that's, that's valuable

00:08:55.880 too.

00:08:56.260 Like if everybody walked around with a nice coat on all the time, then, you know, I'd

00:08:59.980 feel more confident, but I think there's value in both of them.

00:09:03.700 And I think they promote both.

00:09:05.340 Like, I really feel like my no gi game is better because I do. 0.99

00:09:08.840 Totally.

00:09:09.260 And I feel like my gi game gets really good when I do no gi because.

00:09:12.700 I'll even do certain no gi moves in the gi. 0.98

00:09:16.780 Yeah.

00:09:17.100 Save my grips a little bit or maybe my fingers are hurting, you know, so I'm not gripping

00:09:21.060 the gi as much.

00:09:22.020 So, well, also, so Laborio was teaching us something yesterday about frameworks.

00:09:28.380 Yeah.

00:09:28.600 So he taught us two main that stood out to me.

00:09:30.780 I love them.

00:09:31.240 So the first one was levels, right?

00:09:34.320 Up and down, different levels.

00:09:35.860 Yeah.

00:09:36.420 Distance, managing distance, close, front and back, and then angles, cutting the angles.

00:09:41.180 Yeah.

00:09:41.320 And then the second framework that he gave us was position, transition, submission.

00:09:47.920 Yeah.

00:09:48.080 And that was the framework he kind of taught his class through.

00:09:51.400 So, and I do really good with, with, with frameworks.

00:09:54.360 But the reason I bring that up is because somebody could show you a technique.

00:10:00.360 Let's just take, cause I said it earlier, the baseball bat choke.

00:10:02.780 Yeah.

00:10:02.980 Somebody could show you a baseball bat choke and you could get good at it.

00:10:07.380 You could train it.

00:10:08.140 You could go through the technique.

00:10:09.300 You could drill it.

00:10:10.160 You could do all of that.

00:10:11.060 I don't think it's going to be as effective as if you really spend time thinking about

00:10:16.200 the reason it works.

00:10:18.940 Yeah.

00:10:19.760 Right.

00:10:20.280 Yeah.

00:10:20.460 And I don't think a lot of people do that unless they like are fully immersed.

00:10:23.600 They're like, Oh, baseball bat choke.

00:10:24.800 Hand here, hand here.

00:10:26.060 Yeah.

00:10:26.260 You know, here's what you do.

00:10:26.860 And then they train and they're like, Oh wait, that guy put his arm somewhere else.

00:10:29.740 Right.

00:10:30.140 But if you know why it works, you're like, well, you're cutting this off and here's

00:10:34.320 why this angle works.

00:10:35.220 And you actually know the why behind it.

00:10:37.220 Yeah.

00:10:37.560 I think you're going to be more effective as, as somebody who trains jujitsu.

00:10:42.900 And so to go back to your point, if all you know is, okay, I got to grab this sleeve

00:10:47.700 and this lapel and do this scissors, you know, sweep, you're going to be effective.

00:10:52.520 Sure.

00:10:52.640 You're going to learn to be effective.

00:10:53.680 But if you know the reason that works, the physics behind it, then it doesn't matter if

00:10:58.400 there's gear or no gear, cause you can actually pull the same thing if you have your grips

00:11:02.020 right under your, you get the concept and the concept I think is the most important.

00:11:06.060 Totally.

00:11:06.360 I love, I, last night, um, at, you know, we, we had instruction last night, then we had

00:11:11.400 some open mat and I trained with Sean.

00:11:13.720 I don't, I don't remember Sean's last name, but, uh, Idaho guy, he's a brown belt and

00:11:18.400 we're training and we're totally talking philosophy and schools and how to instruct and things like

00:11:24.160 that after our train.

00:11:25.280 And one of the things that we were chatting about, which I just love and, and I'm interested,

00:11:32.140 I'm going to run this by you, but, but one of the things that we talked about is technique

00:11:36.280 gets you is the instruction manual for a scenario principles transcend scenarios.

00:11:45.160 And so if you're, if you're aware of the principle of an underhook, then that underhook is applicable

00:11:52.200 and you, and you, and with the principle, you know, the desired outcome and you know

00:11:56.820 how to address it regardless of the exact position or when the, when the instructions aren't exact.

00:12:04.140 Right.

00:12:04.300 Right.

00:12:05.120 And, and that's just one of the powerful things about jujitsu.

00:12:08.540 And it's interesting because, you know, him and I were debating, not debating, but like,

00:12:12.320 kind of like, I was thinking, oh man, we should teach it that way.

00:12:16.520 Right.

00:12:16.900 We should teach about principles and how they relate to life and, and then instruction around

00:12:22.540 it.

00:12:22.780 And he kind of had the opinion of like, you won't be able to write that, that one of the

00:12:28.540 things that, that brought up those, those frameworks that we talked about last night,

00:12:31.880 you know, he was kind of like, Hey, you know what?

00:12:33.680 I bet half the people in the gym were like, oh, that's interesting.

00:12:36.340 And then the other half was like, light bulbs are going off and going, oh man, this trends

00:12:40.460 transcends outside of jujitsu.

00:12:42.860 It relates to our lives, you know, like we could just take a difficult conversation and, or

00:12:49.320 a difficult relationship and go, hmm, levels, distance, boundaries, frameworks, angles.

00:12:56.800 Right.

00:12:57.060 And now we have something that even transcends the jujitsu into our real life.

00:13:00.720 And he kind of felt that that's going to be lost in people unless they have time on the

00:13:06.120 mat and they figure it out for themselves.

00:13:08.220 And I was kind of like, oh man, I don't know.

00:13:10.480 And maybe I'm, I'm not being a realist.

00:13:12.420 Right.

00:13:12.660 And I think, oh man, I, you could teach these things early on and you don't have to be,

00:13:16.600 you know, you don't have to be training for five years.

00:13:19.320 Just to like start comprehending this.

00:13:21.000 Yeah.

00:13:21.180 I mean, maybe, but also if I were to go to you and say, Hey Kip, here's the reason the

00:13:25.700 Kimura works and here's the philosophy behind it.

00:13:28.380 And here's the leverage and here's the points and here's the physiology of the body and why

00:13:33.840 that hurts your shoulder.

00:13:35.440 Yeah.

00:13:36.640 So are you going to be a master at it now?

00:13:39.120 Yeah.

00:13:39.340 Because I explained it.

00:13:40.260 No, because you need to get your arm torped on.

00:13:42.920 Yeah.

00:13:43.120 And you need to say, oh, that hurts here.

00:13:45.600 Get it.

00:13:46.100 Yeah.

00:13:46.220 Or, or you need to try to apply it to somebody and you're like, well, that didn't work.

00:13:51.320 I did everything that we talked about.

00:13:53.140 That didn't work.

00:13:53.960 Oh, but you didn't bring the elbow up exactly where it was supposed to be.

00:13:56.840 Or you didn't.

00:13:57.400 Yeah.

00:13:57.680 Whatever.

00:13:58.180 Right.

00:13:58.460 It requires action.

00:14:00.020 Right.

00:14:00.460 Well, it's, it's life.

00:14:01.860 It's life.

00:14:02.720 Yeah.

00:14:02.940 So let's translate this to life.

00:14:04.580 You know, there's a lot of people who spend a boatload of time with their nose buried in

00:14:08.520 a book.

00:14:09.460 Right.

00:14:10.420 My most popular.

00:14:11.600 So knowledge.

00:14:12.420 Yeah.

00:14:12.740 And my, my most popular posts on social media are always like, Hey, what, here's my books

00:14:17.340 I'm reading.

00:14:18.100 Yeah.

00:14:19.260 When those, I'm not saying books aren't important.

00:14:21.440 They are.

00:14:21.980 I wrote a book like I read all the time.

00:14:24.600 I know you read a lot.

00:14:25.700 Yeah.

00:14:25.860 And so reading a book is important, but if it comes at the expense of then taking what

00:14:30.740 you actually learned in the book and then applying it in real world and failing and succeeding

00:14:35.100 and tweaking and adjusting and trying to fit your style.

00:14:38.300 But the other side is true too.

00:14:40.320 If you don't ever read and you just go out there, it's just reckless.

00:14:45.000 Yeah.

00:14:45.120 So what I've said in the past is gaining knowledge without applying is worthless.

00:14:50.280 Applying without gaining knowledge and understanding is reckless.

00:14:56.060 Yeah.

00:14:56.540 And for me on the scale that I am, I tend to be more reckless.

00:15:00.660 Yeah.

00:15:01.220 That's just my personality where I'm like, just go and we'll figure it out along the way.

00:15:04.780 And I think your personality is probably more of the other side of things.

00:15:09.080 Although I would not consider myself an intellectual, but still, you know, you, you do think you're,

00:15:14.440 you're, you're thoughtful about these things and I don't think it comes at the expense of

00:15:18.120 action.

00:15:18.920 Yeah.

00:15:19.280 The reason I bring it up, I know people that are like, Oh, I got a double master's and

00:15:23.340 intellectual, I'm failing in life.

00:15:24.880 Right.

00:15:25.160 Voluntary and you know, obviously I'm not calling out their name cause I don't want to be mean,

00:15:28.620 but like they are contributing zero and yet they're highly educated.

00:15:34.660 Right.

00:15:35.600 So what?

00:15:36.500 Yeah, exactly.

00:15:37.200 Oh, cool.

00:15:37.560 You have a master's, you're 300, $400,000 in debt.

00:15:40.880 And so what are you doing?

00:15:42.980 Oh, I don't know.

00:15:43.440 I haven't figured out life yet.

00:15:44.540 Yeah. 0.99

00:15:44.700 No shit. 0.99

00:15:45.200 Because you've been in school for the past 12 years, post-secondary education for 12 years. 1.00

00:15:49.260 Yeah.

00:15:49.760 Totally.

00:15:50.080 So yeah, of course you don't have it figured out.

00:15:52.000 You know a lot about it, but you don't know about it.

00:15:55.340 So there's information and then there's wisdom, which is the application of, of information.

00:16:00.760 Yeah, totally.

00:16:01.360 Yeah.

00:16:01.580 I love it.

00:16:02.280 All right.

00:16:02.520 Cool.

00:16:03.160 All right.

00:16:03.520 C Thomas 719, uh, since you're at immersion camp, do you guys have any key advice for men

00:16:10.100 just starting out in jujitsu?

00:16:12.200 What have you been, what have been some of your biggest takeaways from your training over

00:16:15.640 the years?

00:16:17.680 So I don't actually totally dig this question and I'll tell you why.

00:16:23.220 Yeah.

00:16:23.440 This is not to beat up, is it Thomas?

00:16:24.940 It's not to beat up on Thomas at all.

00:16:27.100 I get the question.

00:16:27.800 I think it's a thoughtful question.

00:16:29.120 I just don't completely like it.

00:16:30.620 And here's why.

00:16:32.280 Just go, like just go with an open heart and an open mind.

00:16:36.360 Anything we say is not going to be sufficient.

00:16:38.120 Just go.

00:16:38.620 Or you already know, like everybody's already told you, be humble, tap early, tap often.

00:16:42.760 Like we have these things that we've said and you've, you've been in the game significantly

00:16:47.280 longer than I have.

00:16:48.360 Like you already know, Thomas, you, you, anything that you or I could say, Kip, he already knows.

00:16:52.580 He's already heard it a thousand times.

00:16:53.900 Probably.

00:16:54.320 And, and also my concern is that when people do this all the time, they ask questions that

00:17:00.700 either a, they already know the answer to, or they ask questions because they're looking

00:17:05.680 for some wiggle room.

00:17:08.580 Like some out.

00:17:09.980 Right.

00:17:10.520 So if I were to say, you know, what's the thing you can, what's well, you're in shape.

00:17:14.520 Oh, well, I'm not in shape.

00:17:15.780 So I'm not going to go train.

00:17:16.980 Kip said I had to be in shape.

00:17:18.200 And so like, I'm not, so maybe I'll go work out before I go to jujitsu.

00:17:21.620 Yeah.

00:17:21.780 So, so that said, in the spirit of answering the question, my advice to you is be open

00:17:27.840 minded and open hearted.

00:17:29.580 And both I think are important.

00:17:31.100 Open minded is an ego thing.

00:17:32.960 Like if somebody says something like one of my pet peeves and my son says all to me all

00:17:37.840 the time and we talk about it is I know.

00:17:40.280 Yeah.

00:17:40.920 Don't say I know.

00:17:42.060 Cause then you're not listening.

00:17:43.260 Even if you know, don't say I know.

00:17:44.540 Yeah.

00:17:45.200 Just say like, if you told me something, we're on the mat.

00:17:48.100 I'm obviously it's going to be very jujitsu driven today just cause we're here.

00:17:51.540 But if we're on the mat and we're training and you are like, oh, you know, here's a,

00:17:59.040 here's a technique that Ryan could, could learn.

00:18:01.100 And I either are, let's say I already feel competent with that technique.

00:18:04.040 And you say it, I'm not going to say, I know.

00:18:07.140 Totally.

00:18:07.820 I'm going to, what I'm going to do is I'm going to, I'm going to think to myself, okay,

00:18:11.760 I already know this, this technique, but what's the one thing that Kip does.

00:18:16.620 It's either different or that I don't know.

00:18:19.340 Totally.

00:18:19.900 Well, and what's interesting is even today, right?

00:18:22.260 We had a breakout today and they covered a lasso guard.

00:18:28.220 And literally when he said lasso guard, I could have easily paused and gone.

00:18:32.360 Got it.

00:18:33.680 And checked out.

00:18:35.240 Did I learn something today though?

00:18:36.560 I hope.

00:18:37.260 Heck yeah, I did.

00:18:38.400 I was like, I know this guard.

00:18:40.780 Oh, interesting.

00:18:42.180 He does a slightly different than what I was taught to me, or I missed a detail when

00:18:46.800 it was originally taught to me, or he had a different angle.

00:18:49.440 He showed some scenarios out of that lasso that I've actually never seen before.

00:18:53.380 But if I went into it like, oh, I know this, then I wouldn't even been paid attention.

00:18:58.020 I would have checked out.

00:18:59.400 Right.

00:18:59.820 And moved on.

00:19:00.820 Yep.

00:19:01.360 So there's the open-mindedness.

00:19:02.860 That's what we're addressing.

00:19:03.680 Yep.

00:19:03.900 And then I said, open-hearted.

00:19:05.060 And what I mean by that is don't get discouraged.

00:19:11.020 Don't place weird sorts of expectations on yourself.

00:19:15.380 Got it.

00:19:15.680 Yeah. 0.99

00:19:15.900 Like, oh, I'm, and, and I'll, I, I suck. 0.99

00:19:18.700 I'm horrible. 0.93

00:19:19.180 And I do this because I personally do this because you're competitive because I'm competitive

00:19:23.840 and I've always been fairly athletic.

00:19:25.980 Yeah.

00:19:26.280 So when you're not good at something, you kind of beat yourself up.

00:19:28.900 Yeah.

00:19:29.140 I'm like, what the heck?

00:19:30.280 Like, why did this guy's advancing and I'm not, and this guy's better.

00:19:33.480 And he's only been going for two years and I've been going for three years and, oh,

00:19:36.600 I should already know how to do that.

00:19:37.760 And then I roll with this guy and we size people up.

00:19:40.300 Totally.

00:19:40.660 And like, I rolled with this guy today, Jake, he's a purple belt.

00:19:42.880 And you know, we sized each other up.

00:19:44.280 I'm like, man, he's like good size, strong.

00:19:45.880 He's about my size.

00:19:47.400 And he ran circles around me and I caught myself like, oh, I should do better.

00:19:52.520 Really?

00:19:52.940 Why?

00:19:53.660 Why should I do better?

00:19:54.840 Yeah.

00:19:54.960 Am I entitled to it?

00:19:56.360 Totally.

00:19:56.800 No.

00:19:56.960 I think I, I, I asked him afterwards.

00:19:58.540 I'm like, Hey, just out of curiosity, you know, how long have you been training?

00:20:00.960 Cause I'm really curious.

00:20:02.300 Like, I was like, I'm impressed by it.

00:20:03.980 And he's like, oh, I've been training for about six or seven years.

00:20:06.800 Okay.

00:20:07.200 Well, yeah.

00:20:08.320 But, and that doesn't give me an excuse.

00:20:09.760 I'm not saying use that as an excuse.

00:20:11.220 I'm saying, oh, got it.

00:20:13.360 He's been training longer than me.

00:20:14.940 Yeah.

00:20:15.160 It isn't that he's better than me.

00:20:16.620 It isn't that he's stronger, although it could be part of that, but there's things there that

00:20:20.160 are within your control and it, it could just be that you're not there yet.

00:20:24.000 Yeah.

00:20:24.520 On the flip side of that though, do you think that there's some, some benefit to, to the opposite?

00:20:31.560 Yes.

00:20:32.080 Right.

00:20:32.340 It's like, because, you know, of course, you know, we have a, you know, whenever guys

00:20:37.080 get promoted, for instance, right.

00:20:38.600 When that blue belt was placed upon your waist, you, you go, oh, you know, I better level up.

00:20:44.680 I'm a blue now.

00:20:45.760 Right.

00:20:46.080 And that ego, a little bit of like, I got to act out this position that has been given

00:20:52.560 to me.

00:20:53.360 Yes.

00:20:53.680 You want to honor that.

00:20:54.820 You, you want to honor that and you want to go a little bit harder, right?

00:20:57.400 Because you do feel that you should be better than maybe you were or whatever.

00:21:01.200 And I've thought that with Pete, you know, like he awarded me my blue belt.

00:21:05.140 I don't want to let him down.

00:21:06.720 Totally.

00:21:07.020 Like he saw something enough in me that he said, I think he's deserving of this.

00:21:11.160 Yeah.

00:21:11.380 And so I don't want to disprove him.

00:21:13.320 I want to prove that his thought was correct, but there's something else.

00:21:17.440 And I thought you were going to go this way and you went a little different way is if you

00:21:21.580 go and you're indifferent, that's weird.

00:21:24.640 Like if you go to class and you're like, I don't really care what happens, not intentional.

00:21:30.040 That's weird.

00:21:31.300 I do expect a lot of myself.

00:21:33.520 I do go to class intentional and guys, we're saying jujitsu just replace it with life.

00:21:39.080 Okay.

00:21:39.620 Totally.

00:21:40.360 If you're indifferent and you're nihilistic about it, what are you doing?

00:21:45.420 You're wasting your time.

00:21:46.280 Yeah.

00:21:46.460 So there's a spectrum and one side of the spectrum is placing unrealistic, unhealthy

00:21:54.360 expectations on yourself and that's destructive.

00:21:57.420 And the other is not having any expectations, not caring at all.

00:22:02.880 What happened?

00:22:03.440 Just floating along.

00:22:04.480 And that's unhealthy too.

00:22:05.900 Totally.

00:22:06.780 And we're constantly moving between the two and we should, we're like, Hey, you know,

00:22:09.960 maybe I'm not caring enough about my life as much, or maybe I'm not investing as much

00:22:13.440 in my relationship as I should be.

00:22:15.520 And then the next day, maybe you're like, you know what?

00:22:18.580 Maybe I'm, maybe I'm going too hard on myself here and I just need to loosen up.

00:22:23.960 And lighten up.

00:22:25.040 Maybe I need a two day vacation or a four day vacation or whatever.

00:22:28.000 And so you, you just, it's constant flux between the spectrum.

00:22:31.640 Yeah.

00:22:31.760 Extreme spectrum.

00:22:32.640 Totally.

00:22:32.980 And last example, cause we've talked about this a lot.

00:22:36.040 It's like, cause, cause you said in inject life, right?

00:22:40.040 In that example, instead of jujitsu.

00:22:41.920 And I think most guys listening will do what probably I've done for years and I immediately

00:22:47.360 go with work.

00:22:48.920 Yeah.

00:22:49.400 Oh, work, workouts, jujitsu, me, me, me, me, me.

00:22:54.720 And then when it comes to parenting and being a father, like how many guys do you know that

00:23:00.400 go out of their way and say, here's my plan to be a good father.

00:23:04.460 Here's my regiment to be a good father.

00:23:06.540 We'll do that for our jobs.

00:23:08.000 We'll do that for lifting weights.

00:23:09.800 We'll do it for almost everything, but none of us do it for parenting.

00:23:14.500 It's nuts.

00:23:16.040 Yeah, it's true.

00:23:17.260 And there's a term that we get, that gets thrown around a lot, a phrase in the self

00:23:23.500 development space, hustle and grind.

00:23:25.840 Yeah.

00:23:26.400 You know, you got to hustle, you got to grind.

00:23:28.120 Yeah.

00:23:28.200 Try that out with your kids.

00:23:29.360 You should do that with your kids.

00:23:31.040 Yeah.

00:23:31.340 When's the last time you hustled and grinded with your family?

00:23:34.720 I mean, and what I mean, what that looks like is that you woke up early and you, you

00:23:39.840 had some mats and you trained with them or you went to the gym together or you just sat

00:23:43.840 down and had breakfast or I don't, you maybe even watch a TV show together.

00:23:47.240 And it's fun because you enjoy it.

00:23:49.700 Or you, you actually had dinner together as a family and the hustle and grind at the

00:23:54.600 dinner table is asking them about their day and what went well and what didn't go well

00:23:59.240 and what's your goal tomorrow and what dreams do you have?

00:24:01.660 And Hey, we have this stuff going on in the news.

00:24:04.460 And what do you think about this?

00:24:06.740 Why is that a healthy outlook?

00:24:08.780 Why is that an unhealthy outlook?

00:24:11.140 So take that hustle and grind and apply it at home in your personal life as much as you

00:24:15.480 do in the gym, as much as you do at work.

00:24:17.240 You're going to live a much more fulfilled life.

00:24:19.480 Yeah, totally.

00:24:20.460 Intentionality.

00:24:21.200 Yeah.

00:24:21.660 My little boy, it's like intentionality with him is he'll, he says, play with me, dad.

00:24:25.980 Yep.

00:24:26.460 That's it.

00:24:27.240 Yeah.

00:24:27.460 And I'm playing Captain America against Ironman and we're riding little horses and

00:24:32.420 storming the castle.

00:24:34.580 And sometimes like, let's be really, let's be really frank about this guys. 0.98

00:24:39.540 Sometimes it sucks. 0.97

00:24:41.060 It does. 0.95

00:24:41.780 Because, because I don't want to play Legos right now.

00:24:45.160 Totally.

00:24:45.780 I don't want to hear about your, my kids at some point might listen to this. 1.00

00:24:49.440 So I don't want to hear about your stupid dream or whatever that you had last night or 1.00

00:24:54.380 that experience. 1.00

00:24:55.120 I don't want to hear it.

00:24:56.420 And there's going to be a bunch of people like, Oh, you're so mean guys, you know,

00:25:00.220 you know, you're lying to yourself.

00:25:02.260 You can't relate to this.

00:25:03.280 Yeah.

00:25:03.720 And, and so let's be honest.

00:25:06.420 Being a dad sometimes is like, yeah, I don't want to hear about your story.

00:25:10.840 Yeah.

00:25:11.460 That drawing that you just did.

00:25:13.020 That actually is not very good.

00:25:14.400 Yeah.

00:25:14.720 But we don't do that.

00:25:16.540 Right.

00:25:17.060 Like, yeah.

00:25:18.940 Or, or when your kid finds their drawing in the trash can, have you had that happen yet?

00:25:24.120 Uh, I may have had a couple of arts and crafts.

00:25:26.940 Dad, did you throw my drawing away?

00:25:28.220 I'm like, no, it must've fell in there.

00:25:30.620 Yeah.

00:25:31.240 Yeah.

00:25:32.920 You're like, Oh, you don't have a talent for that.

00:25:35.560 Sorry, child.

00:25:36.880 All right.

00:25:37.440 So Kyle Shields, he had a question.

00:25:39.300 Uh, it's really, he actually geared, geared it towards me, but I think I want to hear that.

00:25:44.720 I want to share something I think is valuable.

00:25:46.160 And then we'll just spin off it.

00:25:47.720 So he said, he, he was asking about the picture that you posted on Instagram and he's like,

00:25:52.440 are you a cyclist?

00:25:53.200 How long have you been doing that?

00:25:54.480 And do you benefit mentally or physically from training versus Brazilian jujitsu?

00:25:59.000 And one of the things the other day I was riding in our neighborhood, really steep hill

00:26:03.660 and, and you're on this bike, right?

00:26:06.640 Like I, the longest ride I've done is probably a few hours.

00:26:10.160 And one, one of the things that become apparent to me, I'm like, interesting.

00:26:14.720 That I play this game that, that I play in other things that are difficult.

00:26:20.780 And what my game was in this particular instance was saving the last year.

00:26:26.160 So as I'm going up a little Cottonwood Canyon, I have one gear that I'm not moving down.

00:26:32.760 I'm not doing that.

00:26:33.700 And I'm standing up, I'm pushing as hard as I can.

00:26:36.880 I'm like, I'm not going to that gear.

00:26:38.720 I like that.

00:26:39.460 Right.

00:26:39.960 And I try to see how far I could get without using that last year.

00:26:43.940 Yeah.

00:26:44.380 And even the shifter, the shift up, this sounds super.

00:26:48.280 People are like, Kip, this, you're diagnosed with some disease or something or mental disorder.

00:26:52.580 But literally the gear that shifts up, in my mind, I say, badass.

00:26:58.120 The gear that goes down, I call it the big easy switch.

00:27:02.940 The big easy.

00:27:03.780 Oh, taking it easy.

00:27:05.540 Taking it easy.

00:27:06.220 Every single time I hit it.

00:27:07.780 I like it.

00:27:08.340 Taking it easy. 0.84

00:27:09.680 Badass.

00:27:10.640 Badass.

00:27:11.160 Right.

00:27:11.400 And I keep that big easy, that extra big easy in the back.

00:27:14.000 My point being is I've found a lot of success in life.

00:27:19.300 And we talk about this in jujitsu, figuring out what your win is.

00:27:23.980 Right.

00:27:24.540 And my win in that small example of struggle in life, even though it was just riding a bike,

00:27:29.560 was I'm going to get up to this point without using that last gear.

00:27:34.060 And the mats, we've talked about this, is like, okay, you're going with Pete.

00:27:38.340 Your win is try not to tap.

00:27:41.440 Right.

00:27:41.660 Try not to get caught.

00:27:43.240 Right.

00:27:43.580 And then it even goes the other way where, okay, I'm going to roll with a guy, brand new

00:27:47.980 guy.

00:27:48.420 I'm going to be creative.

00:27:49.780 I'm focusing on a submission that I never get anybody.

00:27:53.100 Or for me, it's going to the opposite of my strong side.

00:27:57.460 Yeah.

00:27:58.000 Yeah.

00:27:58.340 Go.

00:27:58.700 Yeah.

00:27:59.040 The, the side you don't practice as much.

00:28:01.260 Yeah.

00:28:01.540 Go to that side with the white belts.

00:28:03.360 Totally.

00:28:04.060 Totally.

00:28:04.520 Yeah.

00:28:05.020 Yeah.

00:28:05.340 I think that's good.

00:28:06.220 You know, when, before I moved out here to Maine, uh, there was, there was this hill that

00:28:11.620 I used to run.

00:28:12.380 It's, it's where the H is, you know, for the high school hurricane.

00:28:15.600 Yeah.

00:28:15.840 Yeah.

00:28:16.040 Yeah.

00:28:16.480 And it's, it's a mile and a half up and it's pretty steep.

00:28:22.240 It's a steep hill.

00:28:24.000 And as I started running it, I could probably run a couple hundred yards up it before I had

00:28:29.200 to walk and grind it up.

00:28:31.020 And I just had this vision in my mind of like, I'm going to run this whole thing without stopping.

00:28:36.300 And it took me months actually.

00:28:38.020 Yeah.

00:28:38.300 To get to that point.

00:28:39.120 And I will never forget the first day, the first time that I ran a mile and a half up

00:28:43.600 without stopping.

00:28:44.540 And I'm like, dang, I feel good.

00:28:46.240 And I got to the top and that's where I turn around and come back.

00:28:49.060 And I was like, well, I'm just going to keep running a mile and a half down here in two

00:28:52.300 and see if I can do it down as well.

00:28:53.860 And it was able to get down, you know, no problem.

00:28:56.080 But, uh, this goes into what you're saying.

00:28:58.460 There's another lesson here too.

00:29:00.220 And if it's always easier and enjoyable, I don't think you're going to get as much out

00:29:06.260 of it mentally and emotionally.

00:29:07.460 So let's take jujitsu.

00:29:09.660 You really love jujitsu.

00:29:11.620 If that's all you did because you loved it, are you really pushing mentally as hard as

00:29:16.440 you can?

00:29:17.320 Sometimes we should do things that we don't love that aren't comfortable, that aren't

00:29:21.480 easy, that we don't want to do.

00:29:22.940 Yeah.

00:29:23.440 Now, if it's something that, that has a track record of you just hating it, like if you go

00:29:28.820 to jujitsu and you're like, that's hard, but I can go back and you go and you never,

00:29:33.820 like you always hate it.

00:29:35.240 Yeah.

00:29:35.600 Okay, maybe that isn't what you should be doing.

00:29:38.100 Yeah, but if there's, if there's something where it's like, that's hard, I don't really

00:29:41.260 want to do that.

00:29:42.020 Then maybe you ought to think about doing that.

00:29:45.000 Yeah.

00:29:45.420 Or even things that seem impossible.

00:29:46.940 I was talking with, uh, uh, Colin in our cabin about, um, the impossible, right?

00:29:52.900 Cause I'm doing a race with my wife and she wants to do a century, which is a hundred miles. 0.88

00:29:58.020 And, and, and I'm really just supporting her and her goal here.

00:30:02.360 But, but, but he was, we were talking about this bike race and we're talking about marathons

00:30:06.700 and Ironmans.

00:30:07.520 And I, and I mentioned to him, I'm like, I, my first marathon I did because it felt impossible

00:30:13.920 in my mind.

00:30:15.600 I, I had this block that said weird people like runners do marathons.

00:30:21.900 Not me.

00:30:22.680 That's not me.

00:30:23.560 Right.

00:30:23.940 Like that's impossible.

00:30:24.980 It seemed very impossible in my mind.

00:30:27.260 And, and then the irony was when I decided I'd run a marathon is I pulled up the, the marathon

00:30:33.120 training schedule week one, three threes and a five.

00:30:37.140 Hmm.

00:30:37.580 And ironically, I was like, I can do three threes and a five thus I can do a marathon.

00:30:44.060 Hmm.

00:30:44.580 Right.

00:30:44.900 If I just stick to the plan and that's, and that's how I ultimately did my first marathon.

00:30:50.180 And so it's just, it's amazing to me how much that we have these impossibles in our mind

00:30:56.580 and the way that they're accomplished is not by running a marathon.

00:31:00.300 They're accomplished by winning the small battle.

00:31:02.480 Five, the three, the other three, the other three and the five and, and the continued

00:31:07.560 effort of the small battle win.

00:31:09.820 It's crazy.

00:31:10.800 It's, it's, it's a hundred percent true.

00:31:13.700 And I think that goes into the lesson to be extracted.

00:31:16.460 At least what I'm hearing anyways is, you know, you have these big audacious goals, things

00:31:21.100 you want to accomplish.

00:31:22.460 And then we get discouraged because we don't see ourselves accomplishing those goals because

00:31:27.520 we've never done it or it's too far down the road or it's reserved for certain people,

00:31:31.320 not you.

00:31:33.000 You can do it.

00:31:34.220 You just have to break it down and you have to be good and you have to show up on a daily

00:31:39.620 basis, working towards whatever that is.

00:31:42.600 Totally.

00:31:43.200 I felt the same way with the canoe.

00:31:44.520 It's like, I've never built a canoe.

00:31:45.800 I want to do it.

00:31:46.380 I'd be entirely intimidated.

00:31:48.420 And I was, and I was, I was very intimidated when I started.

00:31:52.920 Yeah.

00:31:53.360 And then I, I looked at the whole book.

00:31:55.020 I read the whole book.

00:31:55.840 I watched the whole series or whatever.

00:31:57.760 And I'm like, you know, I really shouldn't have done that.

00:31:59.200 What I should have done.

00:32:01.240 What's step one?

00:32:02.020 Watch or read chapter one.

00:32:03.880 Yeah.

00:32:05.560 Period.

00:32:06.160 Full stop.

00:32:06.980 I'm not building a boat.

00:32:08.280 I'm doing chapter one.

00:32:10.080 Yeah.

00:32:10.260 That's it.

00:32:11.200 Yeah.

00:32:11.580 I like that.

00:32:12.860 So true.

00:32:14.020 What, and, and, and some of it's just 100% mental block, right?

00:32:17.800 As a kid, the way I was raised, college was not a thing.

00:32:20.440 And the, and the irony was, I had no idea why.

00:32:23.680 Hmm.

00:32:24.320 Like I didn't even have any excuse.

00:32:25.640 I just like, it's like, I just assumed that was reserved for rich people or educated people

00:32:31.360 or whatever.

00:32:31.900 Like, unfortunately, my parents are listening to my apologies, but it was just, wasn't something

00:32:37.300 that they promoted.

00:32:38.100 And so it wasn't even on my radar and it was ironic.

00:32:41.460 It's like, I remember the high school counselor was like, Oh, have you thought about college?

00:32:45.000 I'm like, actually, no.

00:32:47.860 Could I do that?

00:32:48.720 You're like, wait, what?

00:32:49.720 Yeah.

00:32:50.320 Totally.

00:32:50.760 Have you ever heard that story?

00:32:51.860 It's weird how you're getting mental blocks with no reasoning behind them.

00:32:54.560 Yeah.

00:32:55.000 Yeah.

00:32:55.640 There's a reason.

00:32:56.480 You just don't know what it is.

00:32:57.600 Totally.

00:32:58.060 And that reason was probably formed centuries earlier.

00:33:01.240 Yeah.

00:33:01.640 Totally.

00:33:01.960 So I don't know if you've ever heard this antidote and I've heard it, the story shared with a loaf

00:33:06.620 of bread with a turkey roast, like all kinds of different stuff.

00:33:09.840 You make me hungry.

00:33:10.400 I know.

00:33:10.840 I need some bread.

00:33:11.800 Dude, it's train, eat, train, eat.

00:33:13.820 I'm sure there's food right now.

00:33:15.220 Yeah.

00:33:15.420 There's food up here all day long.

00:33:17.360 So this woman is, we'll just use a loaf of bread. 1.00

00:33:19.780 It's making this loaf of bread and she's going to put it in the oven, but she takes this loaf

00:33:24.440 and before she puts it in the oven, she cuts the end off of each side of it.

00:33:29.040 And the husband says, why are you cutting the ends off before you put it in the oven?

00:33:33.420 And she's like, I don't know, that's the way my mom always did it. 0.93

00:33:37.100 So he's like, well, let's go talk to mom.

00:33:38.660 Like, what are we doing here?

00:33:39.720 Yeah.

00:33:40.120 So she goes to her mom.

00:33:42.000 Hey, mom, you taught me to do it this way.

00:33:43.860 You cut the ends off and then you put it in the oven.

00:33:45.440 Why do you do that?

00:33:45.960 She's like, I don't know.

00:33:48.080 That's the way my mom always told me to do it.

00:33:50.460 So let's go talk to grandma.

00:33:52.300 So they go talk to grandma and they say, hey, you know, you, you taught us this and this

00:33:56.100 is how we learned and this is what we do.

00:33:57.340 And you cut the ends off and you put it in the oven.

00:33:58.820 Why do you do that?

00:33:59.240 She's like, oh, because when I was a little girl, our oven was so small.

00:34:02.880 We couldn't fit it in.

00:34:03.720 So we had to cut the ends off to put it into the oven.

00:34:07.160 That's awesome.

00:34:08.100 And then a whole generation, multiple generations of people are impacted by a decision.

00:34:14.320 They had nothing to do with that doesn't apply to everyday life or their current reality.

00:34:20.240 And yet you're still performing in these scripts that have nothing to do with any scenario

00:34:28.300 that you're ever going to encounter or, and, and I, and I think it's important to bring

00:34:32.520 this up because I think there are things that have been passed down to us that we don't

00:34:36.020 understand and we stopped doing them just because that's true to the, we stopped doing

00:34:40.940 it just because like, well, I'm not going to do it.

00:34:42.700 It's just old traditional stuff.

00:34:44.200 Well, even in that scenario, we should probably ask because instead of like, oh, I just did

00:34:49.380 it because I had a small oven could have been, oh, I did that because I don't know, disease

00:34:54.620 forms on the end of the bread and it could have saved your life. 0.99

00:34:57.740 You know, it's like, oh shit, good thing we asked, right? 0.99

00:35:00.360 So it could go both ways. 1.00

00:35:02.320 Yeah.

00:35:02.640 Yeah.

00:35:02.860 That's a good point.

00:35:03.540 So I guess the lesson there is understand the why understand, but I, but even more of

00:35:10.320 a route than that is be curious about it.

00:35:13.260 Yeah.

00:35:14.020 So just don't do it.

00:35:15.780 No, don't.

00:35:16.340 Why?

00:35:16.840 Just recite it.

00:35:17.960 Yeah.

00:35:18.240 Like figure it out.

00:35:19.700 Okay.

00:35:19.960 If somebody teaches you that thing, whatever it is, uh, oh, so, uh, Laborio was talking

00:35:26.540 about knee on belly for jujitsu yesterday.

00:35:28.980 Did you hear him say that?

00:35:29.640 He's like, this is very old school.

00:35:31.060 They call it that Valley to, which is like no holds barred.

00:35:34.780 Like this is old school.

00:35:36.280 And he said, the reason they give you points for knee on belly is because that was a sign

00:35:40.420 of submission in early jujitsu, your knees on their belly.

00:35:43.360 You got your fist up.

00:35:44.540 You're on top.

00:35:45.540 Yeah.

00:35:45.740 You're done all intentionally.

00:35:46.800 Right.

00:35:47.220 If you're dropping bombs from knee on belly.

00:35:48.880 Well, I think that's a pretty good thing to know.

00:35:50.780 Yeah.

00:35:51.080 And so you got to ask yourself, is knee on belly even effective in today's jujitsu or

00:35:55.960 is it just this antiquated thing?

00:35:57.680 And it can be effective for sure.

00:36:00.040 Yeah.

00:36:00.340 But you need to know.

00:36:01.820 Totally.

00:36:02.160 You got to know.

00:36:03.160 And it just takes a little inquisitiveness to figure it out.

00:36:05.240 I really liked that share.

00:36:06.640 Yeah.

00:36:06.800 I was like, that's pretty cool.

00:36:08.380 All right.

00:36:08.720 J. Matthew King.

00:36:09.920 What is the relationship between assertiveness and confidence and some tips to grow both

00:36:15.280 assertiveness and confidence?

00:36:18.120 Let's talk about the flip side of it.

00:36:21.220 Okay.

00:36:21.620 So there's two, there's, there's two different ways.

00:36:25.420 Okay.

00:36:25.740 So I'm a backup even further.

00:36:27.300 There's four main communication styles.

00:36:29.920 There's aggressive.

00:36:32.440 There's a passive.

00:36:35.720 There's passive aggressive.

00:36:37.080 Yeah.

00:36:37.680 And there's assertive.

00:36:39.500 Those are the four main communication styles.

00:36:41.320 So let's look at an aggressive person and the correlation with confidence.

00:36:46.300 An aggressive person is just a bully.

00:36:48.900 Yeah. 0.86

00:36:50.100 Bulldozing.

00:36:50.700 Everything.

00:36:51.240 Yeah.

00:36:51.780 They beat people up.

00:36:52.740 They beat people down.

00:36:53.620 They push people wherever they need to.

00:36:55.120 They're just manipulative.

00:36:56.060 Like, or even not even manipulative.

00:36:58.440 Or just don't consider.

00:36:59.660 They just go and they leave this wake of collateral damage.

00:37:02.280 And so they might feel like they're confident because they're getting things done today.

00:37:07.500 Yeah.

00:37:08.040 Because they're bulldozing people.

00:37:09.380 And an aggressive person will get the job done today.

00:37:13.200 Totally.

00:37:14.900 In two weeks when they don't have any friends or anybody who's going to listen to them or surround themselves with them.

00:37:21.420 What do aggressive people do?

00:37:23.260 They move.

00:37:24.280 Like you'll notice aggressive people start different businesses.

00:37:27.120 They jump from job to job.

00:37:28.480 They move from town to town.

00:37:30.220 They, they're all over the place.

00:37:32.260 Yeah.

00:37:32.400 But I was highly effective.

00:37:33.640 Right.

00:37:33.800 They're all over the place because they burn bridges and they beat people up.

00:37:38.180 And so people get wind of it and catch on to it.

00:37:40.860 And they're like, I don't want anything to do with Kip. 1.00

00:37:43.620 He's just a jerk. 1.00

00:37:44.580 I'm not going to work with him. 1.00

00:37:45.600 And so they refuse to work with you.

00:37:46.960 Yeah.

00:37:47.140 And just be clear for you aggressive people.

00:37:49.820 Some of those people will still stick around because you're your family.

00:37:53.160 Well, I'll tell you.

00:37:54.420 They're annoyed by you.

00:37:55.320 No.

00:37:55.560 Yes.

00:37:56.020 But you know who else will stick around?

00:37:58.780 Passive people.

00:37:59.600 Yeah.

00:38:00.180 Because they're afraid.

00:38:01.900 Yeah.

00:38:02.340 And they'll just go along to get along.

00:38:04.300 I don't want to ruffle any feathers.

00:38:05.940 I don't want to, I don't want to make him think that I don't like him, even though you

00:38:09.940 don't, I don't want to, you know, like get into a confrontation.

00:38:13.940 And so those two go really well together because they both serve each other's needs, but not

00:38:18.980 their own.

00:38:19.660 Yeah.

00:38:20.740 Like a, like a bully needs somebody to bully.

00:38:23.980 Yeah.

00:38:24.500 Because if a bully doesn't have anybody to bully, it's not a bully.

00:38:27.420 What am I going to do?

00:38:28.740 A passive person needs somebody to bully them.

00:38:31.600 Yeah.

00:38:32.000 Because otherwise they're left to their own device to figure things out.

00:38:34.740 And there's no excuse to fall back on.

00:38:36.260 Exactly.

00:38:36.380 I was going to say it doesn't fall into their narrative.

00:38:39.080 Oh, I never, I never could do stuff.

00:38:42.180 Right.

00:38:42.280 People always take advantage of me.

00:38:43.460 I'm not appreciated.

00:38:44.580 So bully, come find me and validate my feelings.

00:38:48.220 That's right.

00:38:48.700 Yeah.

00:38:49.000 So both aggressive and passive behavior leads to ego and it's very ego driven.

00:38:55.820 I feel big.

00:38:57.060 I'm talking about aggressive person.

00:38:58.440 Yeah.

00:38:58.600 I feel big, I feel important, I feel powerful and that's not truly confident.

00:39:07.260 Yeah.

00:39:08.040 It might work for a time, but over time it isn't going to work.

00:39:12.360 To clarify, it requires in the example of bullying, if the bullying is not present, then

00:39:19.080 the feeling of power does not exist.

00:39:21.060 Thus, it's not confident.

00:39:22.480 They couldn't sit with themselves and just feel confident because it's the bullying that

00:39:27.120 makes him feel confident.

00:39:27.960 So, okay.

00:39:28.600 It's the domineering.

00:39:29.120 Let's take a great example.

00:39:30.720 A jujitsu world.

00:39:31.620 Yeah.

00:39:31.840 Okay.

00:39:32.540 Let's say you got a two, a Matthew Arrington.

00:39:35.120 What is he?

00:39:35.600 Six, five, 240 pounds.

00:39:37.420 He is so yo.

00:39:38.120 He's huge.

00:39:38.740 Okay.

00:39:39.400 So let's take Matthew and this is not his personality.

00:39:42.800 So let's not.

00:39:43.740 Yeah.

00:39:44.120 I just want to clear on that.

00:39:45.220 Yeah.

00:39:45.740 So he's not a, he's not a bully like that.

00:39:48.480 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:48.740 But let's say he was, and he pride himself on kicking everybody's ass. 1.00

00:39:54.160 Yeah. 0.99

00:39:54.760 Here's what's going to happen.

00:39:56.120 One day he's going to find a guy who's six, seven and 270 pounds.

00:40:02.080 Who's a bully and guess who's going to win that battle.

00:40:04.900 And then all of a sudden Matthew Arrington crashing thing is just shattered.

00:40:09.460 Yeah.

00:40:09.760 My identity is gone.

00:40:12.140 Yeah.

00:40:12.440 Because he built it on sand.

00:40:15.280 He built it on this faulty, fake confidence.

00:40:20.100 It's not real.

00:40:21.840 And again, be very clear.

00:40:23.000 That's not Matthew Arrington's personality.

00:40:25.420 Yeah.

00:40:25.620 But if he builds it on being, being assertive, meaning that he's going to use a strength.

00:40:31.320 Why wouldn't he use a strength?

00:40:32.260 That's why he's getting strong so he can use it.

00:40:34.220 Yeah.

00:40:34.540 But then he also is technical and he also can read people well and he can also move well

00:40:40.460 and he listens.

00:40:41.700 And then when he rolls with a six, seven guy, the guy that's actually bigger and better

00:40:46.900 maybe than him.

00:40:47.520 And maybe he loses.

00:40:49.120 Yeah.

00:40:49.420 But his world isn't shattered.

00:40:51.180 Awesome.

00:40:51.900 I learned so much from this guy.

00:40:53.560 His world isn't shattered.

00:40:55.200 Yeah.

00:40:55.500 It's like, whoa, that was cool.

00:40:57.680 Like I learned a couple of new things.

00:40:59.580 So the relationship between being assertive and confident, I think is explained through

00:41:07.340 sharing what isn't what, what the relationship isn't between confidence and being aggressive

00:41:13.640 and confidence and being passive.

00:41:15.960 Totally.

00:41:17.020 That's a great answer.

00:41:18.200 Good job, man.

00:41:19.060 Thank you.

00:41:20.660 Go ahead and have a, oh, I can have a sip for that.

00:41:22.860 Sip.

00:41:23.120 Drink for that.

00:41:23.740 Drink a little.

00:41:26.480 Thank you for permission.

00:41:27.460 Sorry, guys.

00:41:27.740 Normally we don't chug drinks, but there's a discipline go like all over the place.

00:41:33.320 Everywhere.

00:41:33.840 Nice arm.

00:41:34.280 Every room.

00:41:35.400 Dude.

00:41:36.820 Ryan's arms all bruised up.

00:41:38.740 And then Frank, we were doing some technique on passes and he put his knee like on this 0.97

00:41:44.580 little skin right here and he didn't know he wasn't being a dick or anything. 0.98

00:41:48.580 Maybe he was. 0.99

00:41:49.260 I don't know.

00:41:49.720 And he just put his knee right on and it was like right on there.

00:41:52.540 I'm like, bro.

00:41:53.100 Pitched the skin underneath your bicep.

00:41:54.540 Oh, that's so bad.

00:41:57.260 All right.

00:41:58.520 The Designed Man.

00:42:00.100 Before going into business partnership with a friend, what are some things you would want

00:42:03.920 to have agreed on or prerequisites?

00:42:06.920 Or would you avoid this relationship altogether?

00:42:09.900 I find this very interesting because I was in the process of trying to get a friend of

00:42:14.680 mine to apply for a marketing position where I work.

00:42:20.360 He didn't apply.

00:42:22.620 Because of this?

00:42:23.560 Because of this.

00:42:24.600 I was like, Hans, I don't want to hurt our relationship.

00:42:28.040 I've been, and I have some thoughts about this because it really kind of bothered me.

00:42:31.740 I'm like, why is that?

00:42:33.300 Because we hear this, right?

00:42:35.100 Everyone knows we've all heard this.

00:42:36.560 Don't do work with family.

00:42:37.900 Don't do work with friends.

00:42:39.320 And I'm kind of like, that sounds like a BS answer, right?

00:42:42.920 Like if you value a relationship, what?

00:42:46.380 You can't work with them?

00:42:47.840 You know, I see both sides of it.

00:42:49.940 So here's what I would say.

00:42:52.440 If let's say you and I wanted to go into partnership on a venture, the skillset has to

00:42:59.120 be there.

00:42:59.540 They have to be, not just skillset, but it has to be a valid hire, right?

00:43:07.040 Or a valid partnership.

00:43:07.900 There has to be a reason.

00:43:08.840 Yeah.

00:43:09.140 You're not doing it because of just the friendship. 1.00

00:43:11.260 That's stupid. 0.99

00:43:11.700 Fair enough. 1.00

00:43:12.080 Yeah.

00:43:12.300 You have to be qualified.

00:43:13.500 They have.

00:43:13.880 Okay.

00:43:14.060 So that's a great way to say it.

00:43:15.160 Yeah.

00:43:15.300 The qualifications have to be there.

00:43:17.420 Agreed.

00:43:18.060 That's the prerequisite.

00:43:19.540 Yeah.

00:43:19.980 Okay.

00:43:20.720 There's another thing.

00:43:22.280 Kip, we've been friends for five years.

00:43:24.500 Yeah.

00:43:24.740 I know you, I know that you'll, isn't that even better?

00:43:28.960 It is.

00:43:29.320 No, I'm saying, okay.

00:43:30.400 It's a good thing.

00:43:31.340 Yeah.

00:43:31.660 Because I know that you're an effective communicator.

00:43:35.420 I know that you aren't a bully.

00:43:37.600 I pronounce names, right?

00:43:39.380 You're, we can teach you that.

00:43:41.960 A learnable skill.

00:43:44.260 There's some things that you need to learn, but I know that if, if you aren't dialed that

00:43:50.900 I can say things to you and you won't take it personally and you'll apply it, I know that

00:43:55.740 you'll do that for me and I won't take it.

00:43:58.520 So like we've been through some things where it isn't always rainbows and sunshine and yet

00:44:03.360 both of us have handled it maturely.

00:44:05.720 And so that's a pretty good indicator that maybe this is somebody who is capable of having

00:44:11.180 a healthy business relationship with.

00:44:13.960 Yeah.

00:44:14.160 Now, in addition, I would say contracts and agreements rock solid.

00:44:20.020 Yeah.

00:44:20.140 Just like if it was someone you didn't trust.

00:44:22.840 Maybe even more so.

00:44:24.120 Yep.

00:44:24.520 Maybe even more so.

00:44:25.880 Agreed.

00:44:26.160 And, and one thing I think a lot of people overlook is exit strategies.

00:44:32.140 So if you and I go into this venture, we, we're going to plan for it to do awesome.

00:44:36.940 That's what most people do.

00:44:38.060 Yeah.

00:44:38.280 Look out, we're going to make this money.

00:44:39.460 We're going to do all this.

00:44:39.960 Otherwise you want to do it, right?

00:44:41.040 You focus on the green grass, right?

00:44:43.040 Kip, what if this doesn't work out?

00:44:44.660 What if this goes south?

00:44:45.600 Or what if it goes really well and I, I want to take it and run with it.

00:44:49.800 Or I want to go a different direction than you do.

00:44:51.820 Yeah.

00:44:52.180 Or I would like to buy you out or you'd like to buy me out.

00:44:56.280 What about that?

00:44:57.080 How are we going to deal with that kind of stuff?

00:44:59.500 So when you do your agreements and your operating agreements and all your paperwork and all this

00:45:03.320 kind of stuff, work with somebody who's been through this.

00:45:05.140 Of course that I hope that goes without saying, look at their qualification.

00:45:08.760 Like you said, make sure this is a healthy, mature individual, not just, Hey, I like spending time

00:45:14.800 with this guy.

00:45:15.320 Cool.

00:45:15.800 Then go to the pool on the weekends with them, with families getting together.

00:45:19.320 Totally.

00:45:19.880 And then make sure you have your, your backend covered.

00:45:23.820 Like if things don't go well, like, Hey, when am I going to know that I can buy you out?

00:45:28.020 And how much am I going to buy you out for?

00:45:29.780 Yeah.

00:45:30.140 And when can you approach me about a potential buyout and maybe I'm not interested, but am

00:45:35.600 I just being arrogant to hang on to it?

00:45:37.820 Like there's, you got to plan for this stuff.

00:45:40.220 Yeah, totally.

00:45:41.060 Well, and I think another distinction that might be present for us that other guys might

00:45:45.560 be looking like looking past is correct me if I'm wrong.

00:45:49.740 You and I, we don't have friendships with people that are mediocre and are fun to go drinking

00:45:56.620 with, but I don't, I don't really dig their like core principles and values as an individual.

00:46:02.420 Right.

00:46:03.040 So, so this is really applicable for the guys that have solid relationships, not your old

00:46:08.660 high school drinking buddy.

00:46:10.140 And he wants to do a partnership business.

00:46:12.500 Bad idea.

00:46:13.680 Well, I know.

00:46:14.280 So, okay. 0.53

00:46:15.040 So this is a silly, small example, but I think it illustrates the point.

00:46:19.240 So before we hit record, you and I were in the chow hall, you were having lunch and I

00:46:24.440 had to go do another recording with the origin crew and I had my gear with me and I gave

00:46:29.300 you my computer and I said, Kip, will you just hang on to my computer and just like take

00:46:33.880 it over to the place when you're, when you're done eating and then I'll just meet you over

00:46:36.560 there.

00:46:36.900 Yeah.

00:46:37.720 Outside of you putting a weird screensaver on it.

00:46:40.620 I knew for the most part, like not even the most part, I knew that my computer was safe

00:46:45.320 with you.

00:46:46.020 Yeah.

00:46:46.480 I knew you weren't going to forget it.

00:46:47.560 Versus just random guy in the chow hall.

00:46:48.960 Like I knew you weren't going to forget my thing.

00:46:50.640 I knew you weren't going to like get spill water on it or whatever.

00:46:53.760 I knew if you did, you'd probably buy me a new one without a doubt.

00:46:57.940 Like I knew that.

00:46:59.140 And so I had the confidence to say, Hey, will you take this over?

00:47:01.520 And I knew it would get here and it got here.

00:47:03.360 Yeah.

00:47:03.800 Right. 0.92

00:47:04.240 Silly example, but I knew you would treat it the same way I would treat it. 0.91

00:47:10.280 In fact, maybe even better. 0.97

00:47:11.640 Yeah.

00:47:12.100 Cause it's not mine and vice versa. 0.61

00:47:13.680 Totally.

00:47:14.160 If you said, Ryan, will you hold onto this?

00:47:15.680 And I accepted, I would treat whatever it was better than I would treat my own stuff.

00:47:20.980 And people have individuals in their lives that they can't do that with trust you with

00:47:28.940 my stuff because you're not going to respect it.

00:47:31.160 You're going to not take care of it.

00:47:32.940 You're not thoughtful or reliable and et cetera.

00:47:36.100 Well, and here's what, here's what might happen.

00:47:38.140 So I get, let's say you're that kind of guy who won't be reliable.

00:47:42.140 And I say, Hey, Kip, we hang on my computer.

00:47:44.600 And, um, let's say you forget it and it gets stolen.

00:47:48.920 And, and, um, I come in, I'm like, where's my computer?

00:47:51.140 You're like, bad news, bro.

00:47:52.160 It like got stolen. 1.00

00:47:53.120 And I, and I would say, you're an idiot. 1.00

00:47:56.260 Is it you who's an idiot or is it me? 1.00

00:47:58.460 Because I knew you were like that and I still gave you my computer. 1.00

00:48:02.060 So who's the idiot totally be, be aware of who's in your circle and what they're good 1.00

00:48:07.940 for. 1.00

00:48:08.340 I know that sounds a little manipulative, but there's some people who, you know, you can

00:48:12.300 trust.

00:48:12.800 I just like, I like having them over for, for a barbecue with the families and their kids

00:48:17.180 and my kids get along and that's our relationship.

00:48:19.400 I'm not going to be in business with them.

00:48:21.580 Yeah.

00:48:21.880 And then there's other people who different relationships that you could take it different

00:48:26.140 places.

00:48:26.580 Yeah.

00:48:27.120 That's on you to know.

00:48:28.720 Yeah, for sure.

00:48:30.420 All right, cool.

00:48:31.100 Um, what are your heroes?

00:48:33.260 Oh, one life's solid one.

00:48:36.920 What is it?

00:48:37.640 Well, his, no, his, his Insta name is one life.

00:48:41.460 Well, selfie set what it it's Rick.

00:48:44.300 Well, I'm breaking it up.

00:48:45.200 So it's one life dot.

00:48:47.320 So live is that what he's trying to do there.

00:48:49.580 That's a, that's Rick.

00:48:50.860 Oh, okay.

00:48:51.200 Hey, Rick.

00:48:51.740 Yeah.

00:48:52.640 Mr. Rick.

00:48:53.320 Hey, Rick.

00:48:54.300 Um, who are my heroes?

00:48:56.120 Yeah.

00:48:56.380 Who are your heroes?

00:48:57.420 It's the people I know that I really know that you can actually relate to.

00:49:01.100 It's not Superman.

00:49:02.060 Yeah.

00:49:02.280 Yeah.

00:49:02.860 It's not even guys here that I think are amazing.

00:49:06.040 I really respect it, but I don't know.

00:49:07.960 I don't know.

00:49:08.920 Yeah.

00:49:09.120 Like they're great at jujitsu.

00:49:10.180 Does that make them my hero?

00:49:11.280 No, man.

00:49:11.900 Just means that they're great at jujitsu.

00:49:13.380 And I really, I can respect that.

00:49:14.940 Yeah.

00:49:15.320 But it's the people I know.

00:49:16.360 So my mom is on that list, you know, she's somebody that I really, really admire and respect

00:49:22.560 and look up to.

00:49:24.240 Um, my wife is certainly on that list. 0.97

00:49:28.740 Heroes is an interesting word.

00:49:30.200 I think it's overused, but those are, those are really like the two that come to mind.

00:49:36.380 I respect a lot of people for different aspects of life, but as far as like who my heroes are,

00:49:41.420 that's, that's who they are.

00:49:42.660 One thing that you, that I've really picked up from you over the years is when you look

00:49:48.980 for advice, you've, you've shared this a lot that like, that you don't, you find value

00:49:55.860 in almost everybody.

00:49:57.380 Right.

00:49:57.900 I try to.

00:49:58.720 Yeah.

00:49:58.900 That you, you know what I mean?

00:50:00.100 You just don't go like, oh, well, if they're not a icon, iconic figure in human history,

00:50:05.640 you don't consider them, right?

00:50:07.220 You go, oh man, well, Bob down the street.

00:50:10.340 I love the way that he shows up and how hard he works.

00:50:13.360 And I'm going to, I look to him for advice in that, maybe in that particular area, or I

00:50:19.420 learned a lesson from him in these areas.

00:50:21.180 And then I, you know, and, and you really draw on a huge crowd of individuals to influence

00:50:26.800 you in a positive way.

00:50:27.760 We also need to be very wary of placing people on pedestals.

00:50:31.240 It's part of the reason I don't like hero worship type stuff.

00:50:33.900 Yeah.

00:50:34.340 Cause it implies that they're perfect.

00:50:35.880 Right.

00:50:36.180 So Jocko is going to be here tomorrow.

00:50:37.940 Yeah.

00:50:38.200 And Jocko is a man that I think is worthy of high regard.

00:50:43.300 Totally.

00:50:43.880 He's worthy of the, the respect that he is given by literally millions of people.

00:50:49.160 He's worthy of that, but I don't put them on a pedestal because I don't know him as a

00:50:54.280 father.

00:50:55.280 I don't know everything about him.

00:50:57.380 I don't know what he struggles with person.

00:50:59.700 I don't know.

00:51:00.300 I don't know him.

00:51:01.440 Yeah.

00:51:01.920 Right.

00:51:02.180 So it's not fair of me to put him on a pedestal that he doesn't belong because here's what

00:51:07.780 happens.

00:51:08.420 I get wind of some celebrity who I've idolized and worship for the past 20 years. 0.99

00:51:13.020 And it turns out that guy is a loser and he's cheating on his wife or he's, you know, doing 1.00

00:51:17.440 all kinds of weird stuff or like sexual stuff. 1.00

00:51:20.480 Yeah.

00:51:20.840 Shocks your world.

00:51:22.060 And then it's like, it's like, well, yeah, I mean, that guy's a human.

00:51:25.120 And so what we do, what we should do is we should compartmentalize, right?

00:51:31.940 Not, and I'm not saying that in a judgmental way.

00:51:34.280 I'm saying like with you, Kip, like I can compartmentalize.

00:51:37.920 Kip is very dedicated.

00:51:39.660 He's obviously clearly loyal and committed to his family.

00:51:44.340 He's disciplined when it comes to jujitsu.

00:51:47.200 He's a man who wants to honor his word.

00:51:49.360 When we do this, he's thoughtful.

00:51:50.960 He thinks about it.

00:51:51.920 Like there's a lot of things, right?

00:51:53.660 But I'm not going to put you on a pedestal because there's things I know that you say

00:51:58.000 you're struggling with.

00:51:58.920 And if I said Kip's the most amazing person ever, I'm wrong.

00:52:03.080 But it also affects, like talk about how that affects you, right?

00:52:06.740 So like, like you, like we show up differently as well, right?

00:52:11.660 Like for instance, you know, we use the analogy of, you know, David, you know, effing Goggins,

00:52:17.260 right?

00:52:17.520 It's like, this guy is so extreme.

00:52:19.820 And sometimes if I put him on a pedestal, I show up differently with him, right?

00:52:25.520 Right.

00:52:25.840 And my interaction with him might not even be, it might be in a negative way that affects

00:52:30.380 me or I'll do a comparison of myself against him all based upon a false, you know, understanding

00:52:36.380 of who he is as an individual.

00:52:38.460 There's two things that would happen.

00:52:40.040 And David Goggins is a great example.

00:52:41.520 And I've sat down face to face with him like we're doing right now.

00:52:45.160 And the energy was palpable.

00:52:49.980 Yeah.

00:52:51.160 Like it's legit.

00:52:52.360 It's not an act.

00:52:53.460 I psyched up just saying his name.

00:52:55.120 It's not an act.

00:52:56.020 Okay.

00:52:56.680 So there's one of two things that could happen if I idolize David Goggins.

00:53:01.540 Okay. 0.73

00:53:02.120 You said one, I can compare myself to him and then I'll feel like a loser. 0.82

00:53:06.580 Yeah.

00:53:07.120 Cause I don't do what he does, but you know what?

00:53:09.360 He doesn't do that.

00:53:09.960 I do.

00:53:10.820 I'm a, I'm going to try to say this as respectfully as I can.

00:53:15.040 I have the family stuff dialed in.

00:53:19.260 Yeah.

00:53:20.700 Does he, I don't know.

00:53:21.580 I'm not gonna pass judgment, but I'm going to just say, if we are just looking at one

00:53:25.020 aspect of his life and applying it broadly across, across all the things that he could

00:53:29.800 be doing and assume that he's just as good everywhere else.

00:53:32.780 Yeah.

00:53:33.300 Maybe not.

00:53:33.860 And the other thing that they did, right.

00:53:35.760 Yeah.

00:53:36.000 And the other thing is that you think that you need to show up like that in order to

00:53:42.600 be successful.

00:53:44.040 And I don't think that's true.

00:53:46.560 Now, if you want to be, if you're interested the same way he is, let me back.

00:53:52.340 Like if I want to be an altar runner, then okay.

00:53:54.760 Yeah.

00:53:55.000 Then follow that.

00:53:55.680 That's what you should be doing.

00:53:56.620 But if I, if I want to be a, like a great father and an intentional with my kids playing

00:54:02.060 those Legos on the floor, that's wicked boring.

00:54:04.800 And I show up like Goggins, it's not going to work out well.

00:54:08.020 I ain't getting that done.

00:54:08.880 Yeah.

00:54:09.040 I used to think that about Rogan.

00:54:10.620 Yeah.

00:54:11.180 So when I started the game, I thought, man, I just, I want to create a podcast like Rogan.

00:54:16.060 I want to be as popular as him.

00:54:17.280 I want to.

00:54:18.440 And now, cause I got a little sneak behind the curtain.

00:54:21.480 Yeah.

00:54:22.340 No.

00:54:23.580 I mean, that'd be nice.

00:54:24.360 I'm not going to turn it down, but I'll tell you what, I'm not willing to pay that price.

00:54:28.600 I'm not doing that work.

00:54:29.680 Yeah.

00:54:30.440 I mean, I'm going to work hard with my business, but I ain't doing that.

00:54:34.080 Cause I got other things that are important to me.

00:54:35.600 And by the way, Rogan's not wrong.

00:54:38.080 I'm not saying just because he's maybe not doing what I would be doing, that he should

00:54:41.780 be doing something different.

00:54:42.940 I'm just saying he's different.

00:54:44.420 Yeah.

00:54:44.620 Based upon your priorities, you're, you're clear on what you're willing to sacrifice.

00:54:47.700 That's it.

00:54:48.040 So the hero thing, you have to be really, really careful of, I understand what Rick's

00:54:52.100 asking.

00:54:52.660 And so we, we answered the question, but I think it is important when we, when we praise

00:54:57.220 people.

00:54:57.900 I mean, I've, I've had guys even here at camp who have said, Oh, I love you.

00:55:01.820 I listened to every, and I'm like, Oh, thank you.

00:55:05.280 I appreciate that.

00:55:06.920 Take it.

00:55:07.880 I'm, I'm not like, I'm just, man, if, if you saw every aspect of my life, maybe you wouldn't

00:55:13.120 think so highly of what we're doing here.

00:55:14.540 And, and I think that's important.

00:55:16.260 People know it really is.

00:55:17.900 It's more relatable.

00:55:19.160 Well, it's, it's not about relatability.

00:55:21.200 It's that I don't need to pretend that I'm somebody.

00:55:25.320 I don't want you to pretend that I'm better than I am because that might also give you

00:55:30.020 an excuse, right?

00:55:31.340 If, if you think that Goggins is the epitome of masculinity, well, no, there's no other Goggins

00:55:37.080 out there.

00:55:37.520 So what you're going to walk around feeling deficient your entire life because you don't

00:55:40.920 do exactly what he does. 0.97

00:55:42.080 What a silly way to live. 0.95

00:55:44.980 Copy. 0.97

00:55:45.460 All right.

00:55:46.660 David Osburnson, some scientists claim we, uh, so we, okay, his grammar is messed up,

00:55:54.740 not mine.

00:55:55.120 So some scientists claim, uh, of many universes, uh, or what is known as the multiverse theory.

00:56:02.360 I find this argument to be lazy since we don't, or we haven't explored our universe.

00:56:07.140 My question is, do you think that this is a lazy argument?

00:56:09.900 And if not, why?

00:56:11.160 Well, I think we have explored our universe, maybe not to the degree that it could be explored,

00:56:19.340 but does believing in the multiverse stop us from exploring it?

00:56:23.280 Because it's like, oh, well now we have endless possibilities.

00:56:25.720 So, yeah.

00:56:27.060 No.

00:56:27.480 So that's, that would be like, uh, let's say you're really into jujitsu kit and I'm into

00:56:33.460 Muay Thai. 0.99

00:56:34.620 And I'm like, well, jujitsu is stupid. 0.98

00:56:37.140 Cause we don't know everything we could know about Muay Thai. 0.98

00:56:39.180 Like we should all be focusing on my Thai or Muay Thai.

00:56:44.260 Like that's an arrogant thought, right?

00:56:46.400 Like, oh, well we, you know, um, we don't, we don't know any, everything about the guitar.

00:56:52.440 So like, why is anybody, why is anybody even playing drums?

00:56:56.180 Or we don't know everything about physics.

00:56:57.860 So why are people studying mathematics?

00:57:01.480 Copy.

00:57:02.820 Like, I don't think they're at odds with each other.

00:57:04.460 I think everybody has something that's different.

00:57:06.180 And so if you say to yourself, I think we should explore this universe, then absolutely

00:57:10.240 you should.

00:57:10.780 People say it was space.

00:57:11.940 Well, you know, people want to go to space, but what about the deepest depths of the sea?

00:57:15.880 Well, yeah, I think we should, I think we should do both.

00:57:18.000 Yeah.

00:57:18.540 Yeah.

00:57:18.680 I think if you want to go live on Mars and figure out a way to do it, then that actually

00:57:21.700 might advance our ability to live at 20,000 feet under the sea or whatever it is.

00:57:25.820 Right.

00:57:26.040 So I don't think they're at odds with each other, but I also don't think it's a lazy

00:57:30.100 argument to say that just because there's an infinite number of universes that I don't

00:57:37.280 think that's a lazy argument.

00:57:38.280 I think it's just a great philosophical question and it's striving for understanding.

00:57:43.320 And maybe it's like throwing a spaghetti on the wall and seeing what sticks.

00:57:48.540 But I think sometimes that's a good thing.

00:57:50.640 It's like, let's throw it on the wall and see jujitsu is very much the same way you talked

00:57:53.720 about it earlier, you know, like sometimes you're going to do like, do something weird,

00:57:58.360 like something totally unorthodox and, and you know, you might get caught or you might

00:58:04.920 catch it and you're like, Oh, I figured out a new way to do something.

00:58:08.500 And so I just threw it on the wall to see what sticks and that playfulness.

00:58:11.760 And that's how I look at it.

00:58:13.400 Creativity is very, it's healthy.

00:58:15.660 It's, it's like people who, who do that.

00:58:19.760 Some of the most successful people in the world, we're talking about musicians and scientists

00:58:23.400 and scholars and athletes.

00:58:25.260 They know the rules and because they know the rules really well, they know how to step

00:58:32.280 outside of the box and outside of the rules and bend it a little bit or tweak it or adjust

00:58:37.120 it because they know the rules.

00:58:38.740 So yeah, I think it's important.

00:58:39.880 We know the rules, but I also think it's important that we explore and consider and ponder and,

00:58:43.600 and just see, you know, like maybe, and maybe somebody disproves that in 10 years,

00:58:51.120 or maybe somebody proves it totally, but like, it's not lazy.

00:58:55.380 It's actually an exercise and creativity and thought and yeah, as long as you don't use

00:59:00.000 that as an excuse to be lazy.

00:59:01.360 Right?

00:59:01.860 Yeah.

00:59:02.060 But if I said, well, you know, jujitsu guys are lazy because they don't like Muay Thai. 0.64

00:59:05.460 Yeah, that's not, that sounds silly.

00:59:10.840 Yeah, for sure.

00:59:11.660 Right?

00:59:12.220 Yeah.

00:59:13.440 Matt Anderson Infantry.

00:59:16.280 What is your favorite podcast interview that you've ever done and why?

00:59:20.060 This one is amazing.

00:59:21.980 There you go.

00:59:22.660 I didn't have no idea.

00:59:24.100 We're doing good today.

00:59:25.780 There actually is that there's actually some truth in that.

00:59:29.420 Yeah.

00:59:29.640 Just because we get a banter.

00:59:31.540 No, no, not that.

00:59:33.280 Okay.

00:59:33.800 Um, because it's the current one.

00:59:36.060 It's the one I'm in right now.

00:59:38.720 You didn't ask me like, like you're asking me, what's my favorite?

00:59:42.420 Well, I'm in this moment right now.

00:59:43.800 I'm here.

00:59:44.220 I'm present.

00:59:45.100 Yeah.

00:59:45.260 I could tell you like there, here's the five that I like or whatever.

00:59:47.640 And I will tell you that in a minute.

00:59:48.860 So, yeah, but it's a really good point.

00:59:50.780 Like your favorite moment in life should probably be in the one that you're in.

00:59:55.340 Yeah.

00:59:55.700 And that's hard to say because I know a lot of people are in some difficult circumstances.

01:00:00.320 Yeah. 0.79

01:00:00.580 And so to say, well, I'm just really happy about being here is kind of silly too.

01:00:04.060 Yeah.

01:00:04.400 But also you're there.

01:00:06.880 So be present.

01:00:08.500 Yeah.

01:00:09.180 I like that.

01:00:09.780 And, and so what will, I think what we'll do a lot of the times is we'll look backwards and we'll say, well, that was my favorite day.

01:00:15.700 And then you'll hold on to it.

01:00:17.080 Okay.

01:00:17.640 You'll be like, and then what?

01:00:18.960 Like, um, uncle Rico.

01:00:20.920 Yes.

01:00:21.580 Yeah.

01:00:21.900 If we go back and take state, no doubt in my mind, coach just put me in, just put them in.

01:00:27.820 Yeah.

01:00:28.040 And then, so then we fail to live that way.

01:00:30.040 But the other way we fail to live is, uh, I was at the gas station the other day and I said, you know, it was, it was like a Monday or Tuesday.

01:00:37.900 And I said, Hey, you know, how are you doing today?

01:00:39.340 And, and she was like, Oh, I'm doing good, but I'm just, I'm waiting for the weekend.

01:00:43.840 It's Tuesday.

01:00:46.200 The weekend's four days away, right?

01:00:48.260 Tuesday, Wednesday.

01:00:48.820 Yeah.

01:00:49.020 Four days away.

01:00:49.740 You're going to waste four days, four days thinking about what's going to go on on Saturday.

01:00:53.180 Yeah. 0.87

01:00:54.320 Crazy.

01:00:55.200 So people say, what's your favorite?

01:00:56.460 What's your favorite coming up?

01:00:57.380 Like this is, this is the moment I'm in.

01:00:59.760 Yeah.

01:01:00.200 Now in the spirit of the question, let's answer it.

01:01:01.900 Okay.

01:01:02.520 Uh, I'd really like my podcast with Jocko have been good.

01:01:08.080 I really liked Madison Cawthorn that we did a couple of weeks ago.

01:01:10.980 Cause I was in DC.

01:01:12.040 We did that face to face.

01:01:13.340 I'm assuming all the face to face.

01:01:15.380 Way better.

01:01:15.880 Probably way better.

01:01:17.140 Goggins was a great podcast.

01:01:19.740 John Eldridge was a really good one.

01:01:22.040 Tim Kennedy face to face.

01:01:24.000 We've done two.

01:01:24.640 Tim and I have done two.

01:01:25.640 The face to face one was better than the first one.

01:01:28.180 Yeah.

01:01:28.800 Uh, so yeah, face to face are really good.

01:01:31.780 Um, those are the ones that really stand out to, to me and the, and the things that I'm

01:01:40.240 very interested into, you know, like I try to be interested in a lot, but the things that

01:01:44.160 I have an affinity for, I'm like, Oh, this is really cool.

01:01:46.220 Like Hicks and Gracie.

01:01:47.320 Yeah.

01:01:47.760 That was cool because I, I, I'm very interested in the subject.

01:01:51.700 Yeah.

01:01:52.000 So it makes it better too.

01:01:53.140 Yeah.

01:01:53.640 I could see that.

01:01:54.420 Yeah.

01:01:54.840 It's, uh, uh, well you did a face to face with Andy too, right?

01:01:58.520 Andy stump for Frisilla.

01:01:59.820 Frisilla.

01:02:00.220 Yeah.

01:02:00.500 Yeah.

01:02:00.720 In fact, Andy and I are going to be podcasting here very soon doing another round.

01:02:04.180 That's fun.

01:02:04.700 Yeah, of course.

01:02:05.840 And he's, and I'll tell you, if you guys don't know Andy, I mean, I'm sure everyone, just

01:02:11.240 about everybody that listens to this probably listens to his real AF podcast.

01:02:15.460 Yeah.

01:02:16.140 Uh, but you may not have ever met him personally or sat down with him for any amount of time.

01:02:20.420 I'm telling you what, right now, if you don't already know this, that guy is one of

01:02:23.140 the most genuine human beings out there.

01:02:24.940 Yeah. 0.83

01:02:25.300 He comes across as brash and arrogant sometimes on his podcast. 0.94

01:02:29.120 And I remember the first time I listened, I was like, who the hell is this guy? 0.96

01:02:32.460 Who does he think he is? 1.00

01:02:34.180 And then I kept listening like, yeah, well, he's kind of a jerk, but he's right. 1.00

01:02:37.940 I'm like, Oh, maybe he's not a jerk. 0.99

01:02:39.220 Like actually this is pretty good stuff. 0.96

01:02:40.980 And then he invited me out to St.

01:02:42.580 Louis and him and I, you know, met and he put me up in a nice hotel and had somebody,

01:02:47.480 you know, drive me around and him and Sal showed me the place.

01:02:50.980 And he was just very, very just humble and present and gracious and thankful that I

01:03:00.680 would, he's like, he, he thanked me, but the way he did it was like, so genuine.

01:03:04.100 He was like, Oh man, thank you so much for coming out.

01:03:06.380 Like I was doing him a favor.

01:03:08.100 And I thought to myself, no man, thank you for having me out.

01:03:11.840 He's just a very genuine human being.

01:03:14.560 Very, very cool.

01:03:16.200 All right.

01:03:16.900 Let's take a couple more. 0.62

01:03:17.900 Yeah.

01:03:18.180 Curd, you know, I have no idea on Instagram how, where, where the, where the space should

01:03:23.120 be, uh, curse sad hun or cursed hun. 0.53

01:03:27.740 I don't know.

01:03:28.780 As everyone is flawed, how can we be present with our flaws and how can we turn them into

01:03:34.880 our advantage?

01:03:35.920 Uh, just a simple question.

01:03:38.760 What can I learn?

01:03:39.980 Another one is how can I improve?

01:03:42.280 Yeah.

01:03:43.880 So you're not, if you're not aware of your flaws.

01:03:46.060 Yeah.

01:03:46.320 You shouldn't pretend you don't have them.

01:03:47.820 I talk about my flaws on social media. 0.97

01:03:49.700 I'm like, here's what I suck at. 0.99

01:03:50.760 I suck at patients. 1.00

01:03:52.100 Yeah. 0.99

01:03:52.420 That's a horrible issue of mine.

01:03:54.420 Like I want everything now without working and without the effort, like I want it all

01:03:58.460 right now.

01:03:59.720 Or, you know, if I'm expecting something to get done, like I need somebody to like get

01:04:03.120 it done.

01:04:03.440 Like, let's go.

01:04:03.920 I don't have a whole lot of time for this.

01:04:05.260 That's something I struggle with.

01:04:07.500 But if you're not going to recognize that it's an issue, then, you know, how, like you

01:04:11.680 said, how are you ever going to be able to deal with it?

01:04:13.280 So you just ask yourself, what, what can I learn and how can I, how can I improve upon

01:04:20.160 this, uh, this issue and then surround yourself with people who are good at it too, by the

01:04:23.840 way.

01:04:24.460 Yeah.

01:04:24.820 If you want to, if you want to improve your patience, then surround yourself with people

01:04:28.040 who, who are even keel and level-headed and very patient and you're going to learn from

01:04:31.940 them.

01:04:32.420 Yeah.

01:04:32.680 You even get their advice.

01:04:33.820 Yeah.

01:04:33.980 Yeah.

01:04:34.300 Ask them, Hey, you know, you seem to be pretty patient.

01:04:37.140 I'm kind of on, on edge a lot of the time and I want things to get done now.

01:04:40.120 Do you have any thoughts on that?

01:04:41.880 Like how, how is it that you're so patient?

01:04:43.440 And some of it might just be personality and they may have a hard time answering the

01:04:46.480 question even.

01:04:47.420 Yeah.

01:04:47.740 Cause it just comes naturally.

01:04:48.640 Yeah.

01:04:48.740 They're like, I don't know.

01:04:49.520 It's just be, just be patient.

01:04:50.920 You're like, well, I need something better.

01:04:52.240 Well, maybe you can learn a few things just by osmosis.

01:04:54.980 Yeah.

01:04:55.500 Or, or how they just approach situations, right?

01:04:58.220 Maybe it comes natural, but they still approach situations a certain way.

01:05:01.260 Exactly.

01:05:01.520 Yeah.

01:05:02.160 Yep.

01:05:02.620 All right.

01:05:02.920 Austin Yardley 36.

01:05:04.400 My wife and I are both the oldest of our siblings and we are seeing a lot of them start

01:05:09.020 to give up on solid values and lean towards victimhood mindset and flimsy values that are

01:05:14.380 becoming more mainstream by the day.

01:05:16.860 What can, uh, what can I do as an older brother to help them start, take action, become more

01:05:22.680 accountable and save our younger siblings while we all still have the chance?

01:05:28.120 Well, my, my first response is nothing.

01:05:31.520 Can't change people.

01:05:32.580 Sometimes you can't.

01:05:33.480 And I hate to say that because you're siblings, they care about them.

01:05:35.760 You want people to win.

01:05:36.700 Yeah.

01:05:37.040 And so it's really hard to think nothing.

01:05:38.680 Cause then what, what do we try to do?

01:05:40.400 Well, a lot of the times what we'll do is, well, bulldoze them.

01:05:43.100 And then we're talking about earlier and then you create more distance and, and that creates

01:05:47.440 more rifts and animosity in the relationship.

01:05:49.460 So that doesn't always play to anybody's favor.

01:05:52.560 Yeah.

01:05:52.920 Uh, what I would suggest instead, and we've talked about the lighthouse analogy is just

01:05:57.220 continue to shine, uh, and then also connect the dots, you know?

01:06:01.260 So when they see you being successful as a family, cause even, even those who may disagree

01:06:06.460 with you religiously or, or politically, uh, or any number of things, they still want similar

01:06:15.100 things, right?

01:06:15.580 They still want a happy family.

01:06:16.920 They still want successful children.

01:06:18.440 They just see it differently than you.

01:06:20.260 And so if, uh, if you lead from the front and they see it, then you just connect the dots

01:06:24.260 for them.

01:06:24.600 And, and so there's opportunities to explain that, for example, uh, people will say things

01:06:30.040 like, uh, Oh, you know, your kids are so well-behaved, right?

01:06:34.580 Because we're very present and active in that.

01:06:37.300 We homeschool our children.

01:06:38.460 We talk about respect, we teach respect.

01:06:40.840 And so we share those stories when, when applicable.

01:06:43.380 Yeah.

01:06:43.780 You know, so not to say that that's the only way to raise respectful kids.

01:06:50.100 I'm just, I'm just saying like, you just formulate and make the connections.

01:06:53.820 And then the other thing is don't worry about proving them wrong.

01:06:58.020 Yeah.

01:06:58.760 They might be wrong, but don't worry about proving them wrong.

01:07:02.420 Just, just, just be a brother or a sister.

01:07:07.140 Like, you know, I struggle with this and love them.

01:07:11.220 I struggle with this because to me, I'm just like, I don't know.

01:07:13.780 Let's let people do what they want as long as it doesn't affect me.

01:07:16.640 But again, where you're in a sibling leadership role, I think you're probably taking on some

01:07:20.140 of that patriarchal duty within the family, which I think is good.

01:07:23.120 I think it's a healthy thing.

01:07:24.600 Um, just, just be present, be available.

01:07:28.320 And hopefully when they're ready, they'll come around.

01:07:30.040 You can't, you can't rescue people.

01:07:32.060 And that's a little bit of what this question is alluding to.

01:07:34.040 How do we rescue them before it's too late?

01:07:35.780 He said that, right?

01:07:36.920 You can't rescue people who aren't willing to participate in the rescue.

01:07:40.740 And I've used this analogy before.

01:07:42.000 If you and I were on a cruise ship and you fell off the edge and I saw you down there

01:07:46.920 in the wake and I threw the lifesaver, I'm like, Kip, and I threw the thing to you and

01:07:51.340 you still have to grab it.

01:07:52.740 Yeah.

01:07:53.300 And then I, and then I threw it.

01:07:55.000 And so you didn't grab it.

01:07:56.040 And I'm like, okay, I guess he wants me to land it on his head, reel it up, throw it

01:08:00.320 out again.

01:08:00.940 It lands a foot away from you.

01:08:02.280 I might do that three or four times before I say, bro, totally like what?

01:08:06.460 I can't do anything else here. 0.97

01:08:08.220 And there are people who are not willing to participate in their own rescue and it sucks

01:08:12.580 because I would hate to see you drowned, but ultimately that's your choice.

01:08:15.880 Yeah. 0.79

01:08:16.520 Totally.

01:08:16.980 If I'm, if I've done and if I've done everything I can, I'm not saying wash your hands completely. 0.74

01:08:21.220 Like, like if you fell overboard, I'm like, well, that sucks.

01:08:23.940 I hope you can swim later, bro.

01:08:25.940 Good luck.

01:08:26.660 Like, see, see you at the next board. 1.00

01:08:29.180 Idiot. 1.00

01:08:29.640 I would probably throw something to you if, you know, like, of course. 1.00

01:08:33.440 Yeah.

01:08:33.920 But still you have to participate.

01:08:35.600 Yeah.

01:08:35.940 One of my favorite quotes in that same vein is, and I'm horrible at quoting people.

01:08:41.640 But it was like, before you try to save someone, ask them if they're willing to give up what

01:08:47.020 is making them sick.

01:08:48.940 Yeah.

01:08:49.540 And the reality of it is most of them aren't willing to give that up.

01:08:52.560 So, you can save people a lot, but they're going to continue.

01:08:57.600 Like, do you get what I'm saying?

01:09:00.880 Yeah.

01:09:01.360 Well, here's another way to look at it.

01:09:03.540 A little different than what you're saying.

01:09:05.620 Before you try to save somebody, make sure you're capable of saving them.

01:09:10.580 Yeah.

01:09:10.940 So, let's say I see you.

01:09:12.200 Yeah.

01:09:12.760 You jump off the.

01:09:13.820 But I don't know how to swim.

01:09:14.500 You jump.

01:09:15.000 Yeah.

01:09:15.400 Or you jump off the boat.

01:09:17.100 Now we're both in the water.

01:09:19.060 We're like, oh, that's a dilemma.

01:09:20.500 Uh, or, or, or like, I don't know how to swim.

01:09:23.320 So, I'm like, I'll save you, Kip.

01:09:24.880 I jump in. 1.00

01:09:25.480 I'm like, oh, shit. 0.99

01:09:26.180 I don't know. 0.99

01:09:26.420 Now you're going to have to save me.

01:09:27.720 Yeah.

01:09:29.040 Yeah.

01:09:29.460 So, make sure you're in a position to save people.

01:09:32.760 Right.

01:09:32.920 And be aware of it.

01:09:33.820 Say, you know, there might come a day in time where my children want to experiment with

01:09:37.660 drugs and alcohol.

01:09:38.380 Or my, my kids might, you know, have, have premarital sex. 0.67

01:09:42.560 Or they might make choices that aren't going to serve them well.

01:09:45.560 And if I don't have the trust and credibility and, and ability to communicate effectively,

01:09:50.880 and I don't have the moral ground to stand on, uh, if, if I haven't communicated with

01:09:56.360 this, with them, uh, or they say, see me, you know, like health, for example, is a great

01:10:01.160 way.

01:10:01.720 If, uh, if my children are struggling with, with their health and they're making poor

01:10:05.560 health choices, but I'm 300 pounds and, you know, and my body fat is 40%.

01:10:10.780 And I'm like, you know, you really should do, what are they going to say?

01:10:13.420 Hey, thanks dad.

01:10:14.680 Cool.

01:10:15.120 Yeah.

01:10:15.360 Okay.

01:10:15.840 Sure.

01:10:16.880 Yeah.

01:10:17.420 So you better make sure you're qualified and leading from the front.

01:10:20.380 Totally.

01:10:20.880 Yeah.

01:10:21.120 Totally.

01:10:21.920 All right.

01:10:22.480 Uh, S X W X O X last one.

01:10:26.220 I joined the IC last week.

01:10:28.060 Cool.

01:10:28.580 Congratulations, sir.

01:10:29.960 Admittedly struggling a bit, but I'm committed engaging in conversations, opening up, et cetera

01:10:36.360 is not my strong suit.

01:10:37.800 I do have a few things to share, but I'm generally a quiet and observed kind of guy advice on

01:10:44.320 getting past that.

01:10:46.040 Do it more.

01:10:47.120 Just keep doing it.

01:10:48.060 And it's not going to be comfortable.

01:10:49.320 That's actually the point.

01:10:50.500 Yeah.

01:10:51.300 Right.

01:10:51.560 I'm just not comfortable with talking in public.

01:10:53.560 Right.

01:10:54.140 So you got to talk in public more so you can get comfortable with it.

01:10:56.940 Yeah.

01:10:57.220 Reps.

01:10:57.760 Right.

01:10:57.960 I'm not comfortable, um, having difficult conversations with people.

01:11:02.220 Okay.

01:11:02.620 Well, have a difficult conversation with somebody and maybe it's, it's slightly difficult.

01:11:07.460 Yeah.

01:11:07.840 Or here's another one I hear.

01:11:09.180 Or just having the conversation you don't want to have.

01:11:11.780 Here's one I hear all the time.

01:11:12.920 I'm not, I'm not good at making, um, decisions.

01:11:15.740 I'm not very assertive when it comes to making decisions.

01:11:18.520 Okay.

01:11:18.860 How do you get better at that?

01:11:20.100 Well, first you make decisions, but even more so you can do them in micro doses.

01:11:24.200 Yeah.

01:11:24.360 So if somebody says, uh, let's say there's four of us and we're at the cabin today and,

01:11:27.940 and we're like, Hey, let's, let's go have some lunch.

01:11:30.080 What do you guys want?

01:11:33.360 Exactly.

01:11:34.600 You make the choice.

01:11:35.840 Totally.

01:11:36.220 You're, you just say, Hey guys, like, uh, I'd like to have Del Taco or by the way, that

01:11:40.020 our new sponsor here on the podcast.

01:11:42.220 No, it isn't.

01:11:43.960 Don't even joke.

01:11:44.700 Maybe they'll send us some money just by default or some tacos, taco time.

01:11:49.580 Did you guys have taco time?

01:11:50.780 And I did Monroe, uh, in Richfield in Richfield.

01:11:53.880 Yeah.

01:11:54.460 We used to do 69.

01:11:55.800 I think there are 69 cent tacos or 59 cent tacos.

01:11:58.720 And me and my stepdad would go get like 30 of them and a drink.

01:12:03.120 And it was like 10 bucks paper.

01:12:05.320 It was so awesome.

01:12:06.680 Taco time and tater tots.

01:12:08.880 Their tater tots were delicious.

01:12:10.320 Tater tots.

01:12:10.500 And then you get the, um, the chips with cinnamon on them as the dessert.

01:12:14.520 Right.

01:12:14.920 I don't know that I ever got those, but that's not like churro chips.

01:12:17.860 Churro chips.

01:12:18.640 Yeah.

01:12:18.820 Kind of. 1.00

01:12:19.300 Damn. 0.99

01:12:19.640 Sounds good. 1.00

01:12:20.560 Yeah.

01:12:20.900 But to answer the question, who knows how we got to talk about churro chips.

01:12:25.920 Yes.

01:12:26.420 And, and by the way, being comfortable with it, isn't a prerequisite to doing it.

01:12:31.460 Yeah.

01:12:32.000 So, so it's kind of weird.

01:12:33.200 It's like circular thinking like Ryan, I'm not good at speaking in public.

01:12:36.580 So go speak in public.

01:12:37.760 Yeah.

01:12:37.880 But I'm not comfortable with it.

01:12:39.180 Right.

01:12:40.440 Who says you have to be comfortable enough to do it?

01:12:43.740 You don't.

01:12:44.320 And so I think that's what people want.

01:12:45.940 I think they're like, I just want to be confident enough talking with women. 0.99

01:12:49.000 Yes.

01:12:49.320 You have to go talk with women, but I'm not even confident to think about talking with women. 1.00

01:12:53.240 Yeah.

01:12:53.620 I know you force yourself to do it and you'll get some confidence.

01:12:57.460 You have to force yourself to do it in spite of not wanting to do it or feel comfortable with it.

01:13:01.600 Yeah.

01:13:01.920 And the iron council, sorry, I got to say one other thing.

01:13:04.280 The iron council is a very good place to do it because, so we talked about this a couple of weeks ago.

01:13:11.520 We use the term safe space.

01:13:13.420 Yeah.

01:13:13.800 And, and I, and I talked to the guys on the Friday call.

01:13:16.540 Were you not there?

01:13:17.140 Did we really use that term?

01:13:17.620 Yeah, we did.

01:13:18.020 Safe space?

01:13:18.620 Yeah.

01:13:18.800 Okay.

01:13:19.300 And so I talked to the guys on the call and a lot of them were like, oh, you know, it has a negative connotation and it totally does.

01:13:25.380 Yeah.

01:13:25.560 But I wanted to bring that up because the way that, and here's how I classified it.

01:13:30.260 We aren't talking about safe spaces from microaggressions.

01:13:35.020 We're not talking about the avoidance, avoiding hardship or challenging.

01:13:39.380 What we're doing is we're talking about in an environment that we actually can have those conversations and we've created an environment that fosters hardship and discomfort with minimal consequence.

01:13:52.720 Like worst case scenario, you rub a bunch of guys wrong in the IC, you join another team.

01:14:00.260 Yeah.

01:14:00.380 Period.

01:14:00.600 That's, you're not, I mean.

01:14:02.220 If maybe, but you're not going to lose your job.

01:14:04.340 You're not going to get fired and your wife's not going to leave you.

01:14:06.960 Exactly.

01:14:07.320 So practice there.

01:14:08.700 Right.

01:14:09.320 So we actually foster that.

01:14:10.880 So on our Friday calls, for example, we have all the new guys introduce themselves right off the bat.

01:14:16.420 Yeah.

01:14:16.900 Some of them you could tell are very comfortable with it.

01:14:19.200 Other guys are nervous.

01:14:19.720 Other guys are like, and there's probably even guys who are so afraid of it that they don't even do it.

01:14:24.880 Well, I've known guys that joined the IC and they don't do it for weeks because they're struggling with this.

01:14:29.840 Yeah.

01:14:30.060 So what I would say, iron council, introduce yourself on the Friday call.

01:14:35.180 If you feel like you have something to share, because the way that we run our Friday calls is we'll solicit questions from members and then we'll open it up.

01:14:43.220 And all the guys will discuss and talk and I, and I, or you sometimes will moderate it and facilitate it.

01:14:48.880 And if you feel like you have something to share, raise your hand.

01:14:52.280 Yeah.

01:14:53.060 And you know how you, how you know you're, you're feeling that this is how I experience it.

01:14:58.520 I get little butterflies in my stomach, start breathing hard.

01:15:01.760 And I'm like, I want to share this, but I don't, but what if somebody says something, oh, and you get lower in your chair and you're like, I hope time runs out and you're like slinking down.

01:15:10.500 That's a great indicator that you have something meaningful to share.

01:15:14.320 And maybe even if it's not meaningful, you still do it.

01:15:18.240 And there's one other strategy here.

01:15:20.560 You can, you can eliminate problems.

01:15:23.240 You can address problems before they happen.

01:15:26.100 So I learned this as a sales strategy.

01:15:27.760 When I was doing retail, I had a manager that taught us a very simple, but effective technique that's transferred to every facet of my life.

01:15:36.180 And one thing that we had to do in sales training is you overcome objections, right?

01:15:40.320 People have objections.

01:15:41.500 And so you have to overcome them.

01:15:43.620 And what my sales manager did is she said, you know, Ryan, one good strategy you can do is that if you're feeling like there might be an objection,

01:15:49.880 you bring it up ahead of time before it gets brought up.

01:15:54.480 So, um, uh, let's, let's take it in sales.

01:15:58.700 So somebody comes in and objection might be, well, I'm just looking.

01:16:02.660 I don't need any help.

01:16:03.820 Yeah.

01:16:04.300 Okay.

01:16:04.740 So if you came in and I said, Hey, you know, how are you doing?

01:16:06.960 You say, oh, you know, I'm just looking.

01:16:07.980 I don't need any help.

01:16:09.020 If I felt like you might say that, what I would say a better way to say that is like, Hey, sir, thanks for coming in.

01:16:14.060 I know you're probably just looking around and, uh, you can flag me down if you need some help, but you're probably just looking right now.

01:16:18.740 In the meantime, I see that you're wearing a certain pair of jeans, uh, this pair and this pair, and they're right over here on the table.

01:16:24.760 They actually fit very similar to what you have on.

01:16:26.840 So take a look if you want and flag me down when you're ready.

01:16:30.300 Beautiful.

01:16:30.780 I just, I just completely tore down all the walls.

01:16:34.480 Cause what are you going to say? 1.00

01:16:35.600 Thanks asshole. 1.00

01:16:36.540 No, you're going to be like, oh, cool. 1.00

01:16:38.100 Thanks.

01:16:38.680 And now it's genuine.

01:16:39.860 Cause you're already addressed the quote unquote scenario that I brought to the table.

01:16:44.500 Right.

01:16:44.700 So, so to, to answer XO's question here is if you're nervous, it's okay to say you're nervous.

01:16:54.220 So what I would do, even if I had to do public speaking, let's say business network, international

01:16:58.200 or rotary, or you had an opportunity to speak.

01:17:01.380 The sales gurus will tell you not to do this.

01:17:03.520 I think it's a good strategy because you get people's, they're like, oh man, genuine.

01:17:08.140 Yes.

01:17:08.400 And they know they've experienced it too.

01:17:10.480 So what I would say is I'd get up in front of this whiteboard, there's a whiteboard right

01:17:13.460 here and I would get up and I would say, guys, thank you for having me today.

01:17:18.220 I don't speak a whole lot in public.

01:17:19.900 I'm, I am a little nervous, but it's important for me to be up here because I feel like I

01:17:24.540 have some things that'll be valuable.

01:17:25.740 So I appreciate you affording me some grace and knowing that I'm nervous.

01:17:30.580 Let's get into it.

01:17:31.900 Totally.

01:17:32.640 Room diffused.

01:17:34.000 Totally.

01:17:34.540 You, your, your heart rate goes down.

01:17:36.800 Everybody else is like, oh good.

01:17:38.220 Thank you.

01:17:38.580 Cause I'm nervous too.

01:17:39.680 And yeah, like just address it.

01:17:41.700 It's okay.

01:17:42.380 It's okay.

01:17:43.040 I don't know if this is a full fledged, like third strategy or if it's just a consideration.

01:17:48.100 Um, but one thing that, that I think about when, when we hire employees or, and I, I'm assuming

01:17:55.460 where at least for me, it plays a part in what we're doing here at order of man and an iron

01:18:00.540 council is my commitment to something greater than myself.

01:18:05.480 And, and, and my buy-in right to that desired outcome.

01:18:10.460 And when it transcends me and if my share is because it's important to me and my share isn't

01:18:19.780 about looking good or something else like that, then it really puts me in a position to say,

01:18:26.240 you know what?

01:18:26.620 I don't care because what we're doing or what I want to share is so darn important that I'm

01:18:34.720 willing to put myself out there regardless of if I'm nervous or not.

01:18:38.740 Yeah.

01:18:39.180 And there's something to be said for that, right?

01:18:40.840 When you really bought into what you're doing.

01:18:42.580 A hundred percent.

01:18:43.180 And, and it's, and it might even be that you said, I don't care.

01:18:47.180 I'm doing it anyways.

01:18:48.160 I know what you're saying.

01:18:49.140 Yeah.

01:18:49.480 My, what, what, what, the language I would say to myself is I do care, but this is more

01:18:55.380 important than how I feel about it.

01:18:57.460 Got it.

01:18:57.980 Yeah.

01:18:58.140 I like that.

01:18:58.640 Same, same concept.

01:18:59.680 Yeah.

01:19:00.300 Uh, and, but here's another thing too.

01:19:02.680 Isn't, aren't nerves very selfish?

01:19:05.400 Yeah.

01:19:05.840 Like if I'm, if you and I are going to train and I'm nervous because you're more experienced

01:19:12.300 than me, it's ego or something else.

01:19:14.140 Am I, am I going to, am I really thinking about, am I nervous because I'm worried about

01:19:17.020 how you're going to perform?

01:19:17.960 Yeah, of course.

01:19:18.860 No.

01:19:19.220 Yeah.

01:19:19.600 It's, it's selfish.

01:19:20.740 And I'm saying that as, as kindly as I can, but, but to your point, the reason that you

01:19:26.220 have those nerves and you're so focused on it is because you're worried about perception

01:19:29.960 of you.

01:19:30.400 So again, we're going to go back to the whiteboard.

01:19:32.220 If I'm going to go do a presentation, I actually say this because I, I believe you're

01:19:35.820 even God.

01:19:36.280 And this is a prayer that I say before I'm going to go speak in public or do a podcast

01:19:39.400 or anything else.

01:19:40.480 And I say this, God, please help me deliver this message in a way that it's going to be

01:19:48.160 valuable for others.

01:19:50.440 Yeah.

01:19:52.240 Or even in the morning, I say this not, so I look good and I'm praised by other men in

01:19:58.620 the morning.

01:19:59.260 When I, when I wake up, I try to pray in the morning too.

01:20:01.800 And one of the things I say is, please put me in front of people who need to be served

01:20:07.860 today and then give me whatever I need to be able to serve those people effectively.

01:20:13.060 Yeah.

01:20:13.540 Whether that's a few bucks or a kind smile or hope, hold open the door or the ability to

01:20:19.640 communicate a message effectively.

01:20:20.960 Give me whatever I need to be in people's, uh, to, to help people where they need help

01:20:28.720 and however they need to be served.

01:20:30.020 And that's why a little bit of attention.

01:20:32.620 I think that's why religion, in my opinion, can be so valuable to people because it, it,

01:20:41.080 whether, you know, regardless of belief, let's just assume that religion is just a, well,

01:20:46.760 it is ultimately a choice, but let's just assume just the value of believing in something greater

01:20:51.700 than yourself, period.

01:20:53.840 It allows you to transcend difficult circumstances and say, this, this is something bigger than

01:20:59.820 me.

01:21:00.120 Yeah.

01:21:00.880 There's another thing it does too.

01:21:03.040 And so it's a little different than what we're talking about.

01:21:05.240 It makes you better because if I, for example, if I get up in front of the whiteboard and

01:21:10.820 I want to present in front of a group of a hundred or a 10,000 or a hundred thousand

01:21:14.260 and, and my spirit is not lift me up.

01:21:19.640 My spirit is how can I serve these people?

01:21:22.900 Then I have to improve.

01:21:25.140 Yeah.

01:21:25.620 Because I'm like, okay, well, in order to affect these people positively and, and really

01:21:30.060 serve the mission and do what I want to do, I actually have to get better at this.

01:21:34.440 So I have to study, I have to prepare, I have to learn skillsets, I have to practice.

01:21:39.700 And so a, because you want to serve them and serve people.

01:21:43.760 We need to be in it, uh, the best tool possible to do so.

01:21:46.880 Right.

01:21:47.620 Yeah. 0.70

01:21:47.860 So I can't be a slob.

01:21:49.500 I can't be out of shape.

01:21:50.860 I can't not know how to communicate effectively because I could do all of those things.

01:21:55.420 Yeah.

01:21:56.800 But if I want to serve the mission and I want to serve the men that we're talking about

01:22:00.580 serving, then I can't do that.

01:22:02.720 I have to be the best, I have to be working towards becoming the best version of myself.

01:22:09.280 Yeah.

01:22:09.880 I like that.

01:22:11.160 If you guys want to join Mr. XO in the iron council, you can do so by going to order of

01:22:16.160 man.com forward slash iron council.

01:22:18.280 We just made up that question.

01:22:20.140 That's not really a real person.

01:22:21.540 You said forward slash.

01:22:22.520 It's just a slash slash iron council.

01:22:25.080 I thought we figured this out.

01:22:26.140 We didn't, we didn't really make up that guy.

01:22:27.680 That was a really legit question.

01:22:28.820 I just want to clarify.

01:22:29.540 All right, you guys, well, we're going to wrap things up because we got about 20 minutes

01:22:33.820 before our next instruction here at camp immersion, origin immersion camp.

01:22:37.980 Great questions today.

01:22:39.500 Make sure to jump on and continue to give Kip a hard time about his, uh, my singlet, his

01:22:44.040 singlet that he was wearing, but also props to you.

01:22:47.540 You are training, working hard.

01:22:51.100 Let's not completely throw you under the bus.

01:22:53.060 I left a pile of sweat in that spin room.

01:22:55.800 In fact, it was quite disgusting.

01:22:57.260 You didn't clean it up.

01:22:58.000 The bike was so wet.

01:22:58.840 No, I, I recorded it and put it on my Instagram.

01:23:01.720 The next best thing.

01:23:03.040 Yes.

01:23:03.200 I'm like, yeah, this is weakness leaving my body.

01:23:06.920 That's funny.

01:23:07.980 All right, guys.

01:23:08.740 Appreciate you.

01:23:09.700 Stay connected with us.

01:23:10.920 Uh, we'll be back on Friday for Friday field notes until then go out there, take action

01:23:16.000 and become the man you are meant to be.

01:23:18.680 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:23:21.600 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:23:25.580 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - August 25, 2021

Tips for Starting Jiu-Jitsu, the Link Between Assertiveness and Confidence, and Turning Flaws into Advantages ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript