Order of Man - TOM DEBLASS ｜ How You Bear It

00:00:00.000 Life is tough for everyone. Obviously, some more than others. It's not a question of whether or not

00:00:04.800 we have or even will face adversity, but a matter of how we bear it that counts. Whether you grew

00:00:11.100 up in an abusive home, without a father or mother in your life, or overcome depression, addiction,

00:00:17.680 and even suicidal thoughts, every single one of us struggles to some degree. And my guest today,

00:00:23.580 world champion, Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, Tom DeBlas is no exception to that. Today, Tom

00:00:29.580 and I talk about his new book, How You Bear It. We also talk about the importance of doing things

00:00:33.980 the right way versus just chasing wins, how to keep yourself centered in the midst of chaos,

00:00:40.880 why and how purpose can be found in service to others, how to keep ourselves from self-sabotaging,

00:00:47.000 and so much more. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly

00:00:52.740 chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You

00:00:58.560 are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:01:05.180 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:01:10.720 you can call yourself a man. Men, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler. I'm the host and

00:01:16.700 the founder of the Order of Men podcast and movement, and I want to be the first to welcome you here to

00:01:21.100 what we're doing. And if you're new, what we're doing is we are on a mission to reclaim and restore

00:01:27.400 masculinity. And we do that via the conversations that we're having on this podcast. Guys like Tom

00:01:33.120 and Steve Rinella and Andy Frisilla, David Goggins, Jocko Willink, Ben Shapiro, John Eldridge.

00:01:44.080 We've just had, we just had Dave Ramsey on the podcast last week. The men that we've had on this

00:01:50.580 podcast are some of the most incredibly successful, influential, knowledgeable people on the planet.

00:01:56.940 And that's what I want to do. I want to interview these guys. I want to take their life's experiences

00:02:02.360 and distill that down into practical conversations and actions that you can actually employ in your

00:02:08.200 own life to begin to replicate some of the results that these guys have in theirs. So if you haven't

00:02:13.280 already done it, please subscribe, leave a rating and review while you're at it. That goes a long way.

00:02:17.920 I know it doesn't seem like it. I get it. What can just taking 60 seconds do to improve the

00:02:22.980 visibility of the show. But trust me guys, if a thousand, 10,000, a hundred thousand of you guys

00:02:29.560 leave a review, leave a rating, we're going to see this show climb up the charts. And this is something

00:02:35.720 that is much needed in society today. Not just for you, not just for me, but collectively for society

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00:03:49.140 at checkout. All right, guys, let me introduce you to Tom. As I said earlier, he's a Brazilian

00:03:54.300 jujitsu black belt. He's a world champion. All right. He's, he's a Nogi world champion. I think

00:03:58.760 in both the Brown and black belt, a Pan-American champion, a Nogi Pan-American champion. You get

00:04:04.260 the point. Like I could, I could spend all day talking about what his qualifications, but you get

00:04:09.740 the point. He's an absolute beast on the mats and somebody I've respected for a very long time,

00:04:14.700 not only for his performance on the mats, but his performance off of them. He also happens to be a

00:04:20.120 world-class coach. He has dozens of academies and has coached some of the most elite level athletes

00:04:26.000 in the world. And Tom is someone who's learned early how to take the self healing powers of martial

00:04:32.940 arts that I'm beginning to understand to improve himself and his students around the world. He's a

00:04:38.380 very fascinating person. You're going to hear that in the dialogue and discussion today and his

00:04:42.460 perspective of life and his experiences, some negative, some positive are something that I think all of

00:04:48.940 us can relate to, to some degree. So enjoy this one guys. Tom, what's up, man. Thanks for joining

00:04:55.160 me on the podcast today. Thank you, brother. How are you, Ryan? Good to be here. I'm good. Yeah,

00:04:59.360 no, I've been looking forward to this. I don't know if you know, I started jujitsu about three years ago

00:05:05.380 or so. And I think that's when I came across you and we've been connected for probably a couple of

00:05:10.000 years. So it's pretty cool to be able to finally have this conversation. Yeah. I remember,

00:05:14.040 I, I remember I started following you and then I saw you train jujitsu. I didn't know you trained

00:05:20.040 jujitsu at first, I believe. Yeah. So yeah, you were already, you were already training. I remember

00:05:24.680 I saw you at a blue belt. Yeah. It's been a good journey. I've really enjoyed it. I know it's been

00:05:30.540 an integral part of your life and I I've obviously started later in my life when I was, must've been

00:05:35.780 38, you started training. How old were you when you started training jujitsu?

00:05:39.760 About like 19. Okay. 19. Oh yeah. So I was a little, you know, I mean, some of these guys

00:05:45.140 are starting at like five years old, you know, but, uh, it's wild. Yeah. I'm happy. I started

00:05:49.720 when I did, I think about it. I started too young. It was kind of, I don't know. It can wear you out.

00:05:55.700 You know what I mean? Like you see a lot of with the wrestling dads, you know, they, they drill,

00:05:59.680 drill, drill their kids. They push, push, push. And by the time the kids are like 18, they hate wrestling.

00:06:05.140 You know? Yeah. It's, it's trying to find that balance. I've got, I know you have kids and I've

00:06:12.100 got four. I would say if any of my kids are the most into it is my youngest, he's six. And every day

00:06:20.520 it's like, dad, let's go wrestle. Let's go wrestle. If there's a down minute or he sees me walking by,

00:06:26.000 he's like, let's go wrestle. We have mats in my front room. So we'll go out there. And he says,

00:06:30.160 wrestling, you know, we're really training jujitsu, but at that age, it's all the same. It's not like

00:06:33.920 we're going through technique and all that drills. Exactly. That's the thing. I think for me,

00:06:39.100 it's like, as long as they're exposed to it and used to it and they see what's going on, like,

00:06:43.860 you know, my son doesn't train yet and he's six. My daughter doesn't either. Uh, and she's 10.

00:06:49.980 She will be forced to do it soon. Uh, she'll have no choice, but to do it once or twice a week, 0.79

00:06:55.740 just because self-defense is imperative. Uh, she's a tough kid though, but my son,

00:07:00.340 he'll take to it, I believe, but he's just a little wild right now to be on those mats,

00:07:05.380 but he comes with me to the school all the time. He likes to like mess around and everything,

00:07:09.080 but he, uh, you know, I think he'll be the one to really take to it as well. More so than her for

00:07:14.400 sure. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like there's always, I don't know if it's a certain personality,

00:07:19.260 but I've realized and recognized that like, you can actually learn a ton about somebody,

00:07:24.000 even just in the first few seconds of training with somebody.

00:07:27.040 Oh yeah, man. A hundred percent for sure. You know, and I saw a lot of people quit

00:07:31.240 because they're forced to look at who they are and they don't end up, you know,

00:07:35.900 to, they tell themselves that they are, it's not who they really are. And when they're forced to

00:07:40.420 look at themselves in the mirror and you see nothing but truth, looking back to you for some

00:07:44.040 people, they don't want to admit that. Yeah. It's a pretty good litmus test, isn't it? Somebody

00:07:50.420 comes and then they, you know, leave and you're like, got it. I understand. And look,

00:07:54.620 it's not for everybody. I'm not saying everybody has to train jujitsu, but when somebody comes and

00:07:58.720 they're like, yeah, I liked it and I want to be better, but they never come back. Like to me,

00:08:02.320 that's a pretty good litmus test of whether or not they're serious.

00:08:04.860 Well, I had a guy come in. This is just a perfect example. He was a power lifter, not a big guy,

00:08:10.960 but he told me he was a power lifter. It's like two under 190 pounds, whatever. You know,

00:08:15.560 he was fit. He's taking the basic class. You can't train live in my academy until you have two

00:08:19.740 stripes on your belt. Okay. If you can't stay, if you can't respect the rules enough to wait until

00:08:26.760 your second stripe, I don't want you anyway. You know? So this guy, man, he's a little bit too

00:08:32.300 boring for me. The basic class is like, you don't understand. You don't know anything. So if I put

00:08:35.940 you to train live now, you're just going to use pure strength and aggression and you're going to

00:08:40.100 end up getting hurt. Somebody else is going to get hurt. Somebody else is. Sure. No, no, no, bro.

00:08:44.300 Listen, I want to try. I'll chill with you. I'll chill with you. I was like, I was like, all right,

00:08:49.340 you have your wish granted, you know? So I didn't even use technique with him. I just,

00:08:53.440 cause he's a strong guy. So I just used pure strength of him. You don't know. I was picking

00:08:57.860 him up, walking across the entire mat and placing him down like a child, you know? But, you know,

00:09:04.200 I kept busy on him. Like I made him like really exhausted and that was the last day he ever came in,

00:09:09.240 you know? And it's like, you did this to yourself because if I didn't do that to you,

00:09:13.100 you would have quit anyway. And you would have wanted to tell everybody, you know,

00:09:17.460 oh, he was afraid to train with me. So then I train with him and it's too hard. And he quit

00:09:21.840 anyway. So some people, they're just mentally, they just want to allow themselves to just take

00:09:27.600 a step back, be a student, learn, understand. You don't know shit about shit. You know, if I went 1.00

00:09:32.780 into, I saw you posted a picture of a barn the other day, I don't know nothing about a barn. So if I

00:09:38.760 went and I wanted to learn about barns and I said, Hey, how do you upkeep this? What do you do?

00:09:43.400 What is it? Like, what, why do you have one? I wouldn't challenge everything you said. I would

00:09:48.960 just listen. I would listen and I would learn and I would try to understand to where some people,

00:09:53.700 man, I think they're just so used to being out of that student role. And they feel almost,

00:09:59.840 if you're a student, you're, you're less than right when you're not. And that's why they stay

00:10:04.380 stuck in the same spot, man. You know?

00:10:06.940 I hear what you're saying, but I also think that, you know, you have a lot of individuals

00:10:11.240 and I tend to be like this. I imagine even you are probably like this to a degree, you know,

00:10:15.620 like we're impatient and it's not because yeah, maybe some of it is ego for sure. But the other

00:10:21.460 part of it is we just really want to accelerate our learning. And I think for me, the biggest part

00:10:25.760 is like, hold, you said it perfectly. Like take a step back, chill out for a minute. You can be

00:10:30.780 patient. You can still be assertive. I'm not saying to be passive, but yeah, it's that,

00:10:35.640 that's a, that's a personal challenge of mine is like taking it all in, in stride versus like

00:10:41.060 doing everything I can to get everything right now.

00:10:44.840 That's what they're saying. And it's okay to question. I have a student, Sophia. She just

00:10:49.400 got a brown belt, world champion at purple belt, Pan American champion rather. And anything I say,

00:10:55.920 she questions, you know, and that's her way of learning. At first I used to be like,

00:11:00.020 what the fuck dude? Like really? Like, yeah, I'm not lying to you. But then I realized that 1.00

00:11:04.820 she has to process and understand why you have to do things the way you do it before she implements

00:11:09.720 it. And I understand that because she'll still do it, you know? And yes, impatience, I think is part

00:11:15.900 of our culture. It's part of who we are in, in the United States. You know, I traveled like 22

00:11:23.660 different countries. And one thing that drives me insane is their passivity. Like they're just

00:11:28.000 so relaxed. And like, I was in Spain, it took me an hour to get a menu. I'm like, bro,

00:11:33.740 and I'm from New Jersey. I'm the East Coast. I'm not used to this, you know?

00:11:37.840 But, uh, and we can't be like that here. We just can't, we have shit to do, you know? So 0.98

00:11:43.480 it is a part of being impatient for sure. But I think another part of it is, is people get so

00:11:48.900 caught up in these fads where they think they can accomplish something quick and they just keep

00:11:55.300 searching for that. You know, they keep, they keep believing the bullshit, you know? 1.00

00:11:59.600 And that's a good point. I've got my, um, strength coach and he sent me some programming 0.99

00:12:04.700 and I said, Hey man, like, I don't see any, like, I don't see any deadlifts or squats or whatever in

00:12:09.760 here. And I wasn't like challenging that. I was like genuinely questioning, like, like, do you want

00:12:15.500 me to do any of that? And he wrote back in pure coaching form. He says, I want you to do exactly

00:12:20.760 what I programmed for you. And yeah, man, we have such a hard time. We know, like, obviously this

00:12:28.040 is my coach. I hired him. His name's Josiah. And I, I hired him to do this. And still we question.

00:12:33.500 It's like, we just can't let go of the arrogance and the ego.

00:12:36.540 You know, I learned a valuable lesson. It was my junior year in high school. I just started

00:12:40.380 powerlifting. I was powerlifting with this guy. And the first I was in there, he had me deadlift

00:12:44.940 185 pounds. And I was able to do it like a ton. I'm like, all right, let's go up and wait. He's

00:12:50.060 like, no. Yep. That's weak. We only went up to 215. I'm like, bro, this is light. I'm

00:12:55.560 not getting where I need to get, you know, and we did it the right way through the way

00:13:01.100 he wanted me to do it. And I ended up deadlifting like over 400 pounds at like 16 or 17. And I

00:13:06.620 only did it because I listened to someone who knew how to do it. You know, so how many people

00:13:11.300 have so much potential yet they don't have anyone to guide them. But then if they do have

00:13:17.400 someone to guide them, they're not willing to be guided. Right. So it's tricky, man.

00:13:23.060 You, um, you kissed your necklace earlier. Do you mind telling me what, what that was?

00:13:28.220 Oh yeah. This is St. Benedict. I always, uh, I wear him around my, my neck and, uh, he, you

00:13:35.220 know, he is like a saint of many, many different, uh, things. Like he protects the, uh, watches

00:13:42.060 over children. He has, there's two sides of it. One side is like a cross and that's

00:13:47.260 to keep like demonic spirits away. The other side he has, he's holding actually a Bible

00:13:52.020 and there's a crow taking something away. And he's actually supposed to be taking like

00:13:55.960 the negativity away from him. And, you know, I, I, uh, I just, I'm trying at this point

00:14:01.700 in my life to stay positive last year. I lost my, my father, my two dogs, my damn 1.00

00:14:07.320 guinea pig, uh, like everything, you know, like, like, like for me, it's never easy. 0.97

00:14:11.980 So St. Benedict is protector of like health and everything like that. And it's just, I

00:14:15.600 formed like, uh, a bond with, with this guy. Uh, Danielle gave it to me. Uh, and, and

00:14:24.700 I just, I wear it every day. It's something that, uh, I either wear this or I wear my father's

00:14:29.640 Jesus face that, that he gave me. Uh, well I'm, I'm big on like, uh, I know it does.

00:14:35.940 It's just a piece of, you know, silver, but for me, it's just has significance, you

00:14:39.920 know?

00:14:41.500 Yeah. I don't think it's just a piece of silver. You know, I think we, I think we give

00:14:46.140 meaning to things that are important, you know, like I, I have little mementos and

00:14:50.600 little memories of my relationship with my father. I lost my father, uh, about three

00:14:55.060 years ago. Uh, yeah, no, it's, um, we had a strained relationship, you know, but there

00:15:01.160 was, there was definitely the connection there and I loved him and I think he's a good

00:15:05.040 person and I'm excited to see him at some point, you know, in another life. But yeah,

00:15:09.600 I don't, I don't ever discount like the, the, the meaning that we give to things, you

00:15:15.200 know, whether it's like truly there or not, like, it doesn't matter if it reminds you

00:15:19.440 and it helps you, then all the power to you.

00:15:21.920 Yeah. I think it keeps me, uh, it brings me back. Like it just keeps me centered. I'm a

00:15:28.280 little wild. You know, I, I have, uh, my, my life outside of jujitsu has been very

00:15:36.200 interesting. You know, some of my friends are very interesting people and, uh, I'm

00:15:41.520 just used to a different way of life. Like, you know, a lot of people, I don't

00:15:45.620 understand really the way, uh, a lot of people work nowadays, the way they, they

00:15:50.180 function. Like I just wrote something. I said, I never thought I'd live to see a day

00:15:53.840 where even jujitsu guys, they just gossip. They don't even, I saw that. I saw

00:15:58.760 that. They don't even stand, you know, man to man. They just talk shit in their

00:16:01.960 little, in their little circle. And I don't understand this because the way I 1.00

00:16:05.600 came up, the way we are, and I don't look for violence ever, especially now I'm

00:16:09.320 39 years old, but man, I came up fighting, you know, like that was the most

00:16:13.400 natural thing for me. And if we had a problem, we had a problem, you know, and I

00:16:18.060 wasn't afraid to get my ass whooped. You know, I mean, I was afraid to get my 0.99

00:16:20.940 ass whooped before I ever got my ass whooped. And once you do, you're like, 1.00

00:16:23.780 yeah, it's not that big of a deal, you know? So, so I try to just keep

00:16:28.000 grounded and I try to keep just not resorting back to, you know, I don't

00:16:33.760 want to call it immature ways, but ways that will put me in a bad position

00:16:38.120 nowadays. I can't, I can't act like that. You know, people are just, nowadays

00:16:42.220 people just want to talk shit. They want you to hit them so they could take you 1.00

00:16:45.960 for everything you, you have, you know, it's crazy, crazy times.

00:16:49.920 Well, I think there's a lot of, a lot of posturing on social media too, you know,

00:16:53.380 like the old adage is like the problem with society is that, you know, nobody

00:16:59.920 can get punched in the face or whatever it is, like things like that. Right. And

00:17:03.240 you know, we laugh at it and think it's funny, but it's actually true. There's no

00:17:07.120 real consequence to running your mouth anymore. And I think that's kind of a

00:17:11.400 problem with, with culture.

00:17:12.440 It's crazy to me that men in our sport, and, and I don't know anybody personally

00:17:20.920 that hates me, but there's a ton of people behind fake screen names that do 0.99

00:17:24.220 that they'll talk shit. And then I'll say, okay, if you have an issue, come see me 0.99

00:17:29.380 face to face, we can either talk it out or punch me in my face, do whatever you 0.97

00:17:33.240 want to do. And then I'm considered the immature guy, but the ones who are behind 0.96

00:17:37.660 fake screen names, talking shit, nothing's wrong with that. And they think 0.99

00:17:42.720 that they don't deserve an ass whooping yet. They could say whatever they want. 0.99

00:17:48.140 Right. So where, what is the consequence? Just arguing like bullshit, you know,

00:17:54.260 like, and it's so funny, like, you know, you see it too, like all these people talk 0.98

00:17:58.920 about bullying this and that yet they have no problem getting behind the screen name 0.98

00:18:03.460 and talking tons of shit to us. Right. That would be considered if we did it 1.00

00:18:08.020 though. Oh, we're terrible people. You know, it's like, yeah. Or if you ever say

00:18:12.580 anything back, it's like, well, just ignore it. It's like, well, look, I don't, I

00:18:15.900 don't, I don't share that for the benefit of that troll or whatever. I share it for

00:18:18.900 the benefit of people who actually want to stand up for themselves, but don't for

00:18:23.540 whatever reason they're scared or, you know, whatever. But I think people need to

00:18:27.800 start speaking the truth. And I think there needs to be consequences. I'm not

00:18:30.840 talking about violence either, but the problem is, is that it needs to be able

00:18:35.520 to look at somebody. Right. Exactly. Well, where do you think the hate towards

00:18:41.160 you anyways? And I don't know how much there is. I don't, I'm, I'm sure it's not

00:18:44.800 a lot, but where do you think it's, it derives from? Is it like people that have

00:18:49.040 issues with your message? Is it people that have issues from your past? Like

00:18:53.300 where, where does it derive for you? So what do I hear? I hear, I think the real

00:18:58.520 reason is I, and I'm very, uh, I've taken a step back from saying what I truly

00:19:05.520 feel on social media. Cause I was hardcore shadow banned for like six months.

00:19:09.840 Couldn't even search my name. I think the real reason people hate me is because

00:19:14.600 they envy the things I say, the things they wish they could, you know? And I've

00:19:20.480 also done everything I said that I would do. You know, I mean, I, you know, we, with

00:19:26.520 these NFTs, people wanted to, I had a ton of hate with the NFTs. All right. Well,

00:19:31.060 you know, I made 50 grand in a week. So what are you hating at? You know, I had a

00:19:34.320 ton of people. I'm not a ton. I had people talking to shit that I was writing a

00:19:37.980 book. All right. Well, it was the bestseller for three days, number one, and 0.99

00:19:41.180 out of 250,000 other books. So why are you hating? But I think sometimes, uh, I'm a

00:19:47.140 little bit too blunt, you know, and I don't think people like that. I will call you

00:19:52.560 out in your bullshit. You know, like there was one thing that goes wrong. It's, it's 1.00

00:19:56.220 a screenshot of me. I really went after this guy one day, like on social media,

00:19:59.760 because he talked about my, it's funny. They block out the part where he, he

00:20:04.600 spoke about my daughter. He said something like, you know, you're such a, like,

00:20:08.620 you're a piece of shit. And I, and I hope, I hope your daughter ends up with 1.00

00:20:12.000 nothing because of you. So I was like, Oh, and then I went hard, bro. You know, I

00:20:15.540 went really hard. So that would screenshot it and people say, Oh, this is who Tom the

00:20:19.260 blast really is. But why did I say the things I, I said, because this guy said

00:20:24.780 he's lucky that I didn't see him after you talk like that, you know, but it's

00:20:29.200 like, I think we're just living in 2021. That's just what it comes down to. You

00:20:33.060 know, we're, we're up is down and down is up, you know, like nothing makes sense

00:20:38.280 anymore. Like people fight for things that, you know, evil is good. You know, like

00:20:44.260 these people doing evil think they're doing good. And it's so crazy to me, you know,

00:20:49.000 it's just such a twisted, twisted time. So of course I'll get hate because I

00:20:55.580 mean, shit, man, Biden's our president. People voted for him. If you both vote 1.00

00:20:59.340 for Biden, most likely you don't like me. Not that I'm a big Trump lover. I'm

00:21:03.280 not, I'm not at all. I don't give a shit about any of these guys, but how could 0.97

00:21:07.960 you support somebody who's a total fucking idiot? You know what I mean? Like, and 1.00

00:21:13.780 that's who most of our country, I think now they're waking up, but there's just a

00:21:18.120 lot of more. And then there's people who are completely way out of their minds

00:21:22.420 with everything, you know, who still deny COVID and, you know, listen, I'm that

00:21:29.280 person in the middle. Like, I believe COVID is real. You can get sick. I almost

00:21:33.200 died from COVID and I'm a healthy guy. It hits people differently. I believe now

00:21:38.320 it's much weaker. I believe now it's much weaker, but even though I almost died

00:21:41.740 from it, as soon as I recovered, I was back on the mats without a mask doing what I

00:21:46.360 do. So I'm not like, I just want people to be able to live and do whatever the

00:21:51.560 fuck they want. And that's it. And I think some people hate me because I 0.96

00:21:56.160 literally do whatever I want. I do whatever I want. If I say I'm going to do

00:21:59.040 something, I do it. And I don't care what anyone says.

00:22:01.820 Have you always been outspoken and been that kind of assertive person where, Hey,

00:22:06.160 you see something, you're going to pursue it. You feel something, you're going to

00:22:09.160 share it. Is that something that you've developed? Is that something you've

00:22:11.680 cultivated over time? Or is that just in your, in your DNA?

00:22:16.260 Around 13, I started, there was a big change in me around 13 years old. I started

00:22:21.000 like really just being like, I realized that if I lived passively, I would suffer.

00:22:26.940 You know, I was a very sensitive kid. I cared about everything. I actually, I bring

00:22:33.380 it up in my book. Like when I was molested as a child, I thought I was going to hell

00:22:38.540 for like every single day. I would cry because I was very guilty.

00:22:43.900 Yeah. I felt I was the one who was wrong. So one day in order to survive, I basically

00:22:49.600 had to just not care. I had to lose, uh, any kind of feelings at the time because I

00:22:56.240 wasn't mature enough to know. So I went from like caring about everything to just not

00:23:01.220 giving a fuck. Uh, now I'm, I, I, I still understand the real me has tons of 0.99

00:23:07.620 compassion, but I still have that, that chip on my shoulder as well, uh, to where 0.99

00:23:12.500 I can't sit back and just let assholes be assholes. Like I can't do it. Like if 0.99

00:23:16.360 I'm, if I'm somewhere and somebody is getting bullied, I can't, I can't tell you

00:23:20.120 how many fights I've been in. Well, back in the day, I wouldn't even argue. I would

00:23:23.420 just hit like, if I saw somebody being severely mistreated, I'll just knock a 1.00

00:23:27.680 motherfucker out. That's it. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I'm not going to 1.00

00:23:30.440 talk like, but nowadays I'll try to deescalate things. Hey man, you know, maybe we

00:23:36.560 shouldn't do this. Like I remember there was a, I was at a gas station a few

00:23:39.680 years ago and my kids were in the car and this dude, there was like a small old

00:23:44.780 gas station worker, a really tiny little black man. And these guys were there.

00:23:49.640 They're like in their thirties, you know, those white dudes in New Jersey, we

00:23:52.080 have, they talk like they're from the ghetto. They talk like they're, you know, 0.99

00:23:56.780 like they're like their rappers, you know, and they wouldn't have too many of

00:23:59.920 those in, uh, in Maine. So it was a little different, not rural Maine.

00:24:05.300 They were, they were talking, they were disrespecting this guy so much for no

00:24:09.560 reason. This guy's just trying to do his job. Oh, you're taking too long. Well,

00:24:13.020 and my kids were in the car. I'm like, don't say nothing. Cause you don't know

00:24:16.000 what they have on you. You know? Yeah, sure.

00:24:18.540 But I said, you know what? If I, if I allow my kids to like, see me watch this and

00:24:26.420 not do anything, what are they going to think of their father? And they're

00:24:29.520 going to think this is okay. So I got out. I, you know, that's what I had to

00:24:33.600 say. Uh, I could tell the one dude, you know, in New Jersey people know me. So I

00:24:39.260 think the one guy may have actually recognized me because he was like, oh 1.00

00:24:42.140 fuck. The other guy, he still talked, but he talked as he was getting back into 0.99

00:24:45.740 his car, you know? And as he came back in his car, my daughter yells out, you 1.00

00:24:49.900 know, fat pig. And I was like, she's like, hon, hon. She hears her father 0.99

00:24:56.200 sometimes, you know, but you know, in situations like that, if someone didn't

00:25:00.240 see exactly what happened, they can look at me and say, oh, I aggressed

00:25:04.240 somebody when my kids were in the car. When in reality, I was standing up for

00:25:07.380 what I believed and treat people kindly, you know? Right. Well, nice. I respect

00:25:12.200 everyone, you know, but if you are a jerk off, I'm also going to tell you you're a 1.00

00:25:16.220 jerk off. That's it. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, I actually watched 1.00

00:25:19.880 a video. This must've been last week. I think you reposted it from years ago.

00:25:24.160 You must've been outside of maybe a grocery store or something. And there was

00:25:27.280 a drunk guy. It was a Walmart. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Now that

00:25:31.700 you say that, but yeah, this, this drunk guy comes out and he looks pretty

00:25:34.960 belligerent, but with you just talking with him and trying to deescalate and as

00:25:39.940 opposed to getting in this guy's face, like it actually had, you know, a pretty

00:25:43.440 tender ending, you know, kind of a strange ending that you wouldn't expect, but

00:25:47.140 pretty tender. All the same is pretty interesting.

00:25:48.820 It is, you know, I know everybody is not, uh, I like to say I'm more, I could be

00:25:54.840 more compassionate than most people could be, but at the same time I could be more

00:25:59.580 violent. You know, if that guy was in his twenties and, you know, juiced up and not

00:26:06.700 that drunk and talking that shit, I'd, I had no problem, you know, doing whatever I 0.99

00:26:11.240 had to do. And I won't feel bad. I'll, I'll go eat right after I'm done. But if you're like, 0.99

00:26:18.200 he was a helpless little man, you know, like he just didn't know what he didn't

00:26:22.040 know. Now the 20 year old moron who's juiced up also doesn't know what he don't 1.00

00:26:26.760 know. However, he's, he could put me in on, if he lands a lucky punch, if he hits me, 1.00

00:26:31.860 I could be hurt. I'm pretty sure this guy, he could have hit me with all he had and

00:26:36.640 he wouldn't have faced me, you know? And I knew he didn't, I've been in this, not my

00:26:41.280 first rodeo. I saw where his hands are going and he had a GoPro. That's about it. So I

00:26:45.620 was like, all right, he's not reaching for anything. We're good, man. I just got to talk

00:26:48.980 this guy down, you know? And when I grabbed him, I made sure I grabbed him really, really

00:26:52.700 firmly. So he realized, and I think that's when he got really, really nice. When I put

00:26:58.320 hands on his wrist, you know? And, uh, yeah, I'd always rather a peaceful endings, you

00:27:02.980 know? I don't, I don't want problems, man. Well, I also think too, though, your, I wouldn't

00:27:08.860 say propensity necessarily for violence, but your capability, that's, that's a better way

00:27:12.540 to say it. Your capability to administer violence as needed is actually what allows you to be

00:27:18.200 compassionate because without the ability to defend yourself and put people in, in, you

00:27:24.200 know, dangerous situations, you know, you, you, you can't have the space to exhibit some

00:27:30.120 level of, of, of empathy and compassion for people. You're just, you're incapable of,

00:27:36.060 of doing it, right? So it's the ability to be violent that gives you the margin in the

00:27:40.940 room to not exhibit it. Plus you also know the, the ramifications of it, right? Like

00:27:46.100 there's real world consequences to violence.

00:27:49.120 A hundred percent, man. I think a lot of these times you see these videos of, you know, people

00:27:52.920 getting knocked out and people continue to hit the person when they're knocked out. I think

00:27:57.560 they're hitting the person when they're knocked out 99% of these people, because they're so

00:28:01.000 scared that that person will get back up, you know? So they go to the extreme. And yeah,

00:28:06.980 I understand fully that if, if I heard somebody, I got to stand before a judge and the lawyer

00:28:13.400 fees and I'll get hammered. You know what I mean? They'll pull up all my social media shit,

00:28:17.840 talking posts, everything, you know, it's going to be a headache. And another thing I understand 0.97

00:28:23.240 is I have some friends that, you know, they don't know how to fight like me. They're not

00:28:27.820 trained professionals. However, they do know how to, you know, take a club and hit people over 0.80

00:28:35.460 the face with it. So I understand that I pull out a gun and shoot somebody. That's the thing. So I'm 1.00

00:28:40.680 not naive to the fact that I could lose out there. You know, that's why I would be like,

00:28:45.460 if I bump somebody, it's funny because I don't really have problems when I go, like when I'm in

00:28:51.120 Costa Rica, I always use this as an example. I see who's who out there. We're in a different

00:28:56.220 place. And I remember I was there like a year ago. This dude is, I think he was from Canada.

00:29:02.760 He's a white boy. You know, you could tell he was a little rich. He got his whole face exploded,

00:29:07.260 you know, because people go to different places. They walk around like they own the place. And I

00:29:13.120 tell my friends, I said, listen, we go here. You respect everybody from the bartenders to the

00:29:18.640 waitresses because you don't know. Well, first of all, just be nice, but you don't know

00:29:22.040 who's who, who knows who, who's what. So I find everybody nods at me. They smile,

00:29:28.940 even the toughest looking dudes, you know, because they know I'm not looking for trouble,

00:29:32.020 you know, and I'm not. And the thing is though, too, they also know that there's a ton of other

00:29:38.060 people that if they wanted trouble, they could find an easier target than me. Right. So it all,

00:29:43.480 everything, everything falls into place. It's a puzzle. You just got to play it.

00:29:48.540 All right, guys, I got to step away from the conversation very, very quickly. I want to make

00:29:51.660 a mention of something. Now I've received dozens, if not hundreds of emails at this point over the

00:29:58.700 past several weeks about when our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council is going to open

00:30:04.160 back up. And I know you guys are anxious. You want to join, you want to band with us. You want to get

00:30:08.660 the tools and the resources. And I'm glad that you do, but I want to make sure that when we do

00:30:13.180 that, we have everything in place to help you maximize your experience and your results inside.

00:30:20.180 So for now, if you want to be notified, when we open the iron council back up,

00:30:24.740 head to order a man.com slash iron council, order a man.com slash iron council. And if in the meantime,

00:30:31.860 you want to do some work so that when you do join us, you are able to make the most of your

00:30:36.380 experience, then you can go to our 30 day battle ready program at order a man.com slash battle

00:30:43.820 ready. So those are two resources for you that you can do right now so that when we open back up,

00:30:49.220 you'll be on top of things. Again, it's order a man.com slash iron council and order a man.com

00:30:54.440 slash battle ready. Do that right after the show for now, I'll get back to it with Tom.

00:31:00.720 You bring, you brought up an interesting point about, you know, a lot of guys might say, well,

00:31:04.660 that's, you know, an X factor or something. And like, I don't, I don't think it is. Like,

00:31:08.900 I think you can look at another person and pretty accurately like size that individual up, whether

00:31:14.160 this is somebody you want to mess with or not. So Pete Roberts, a mutual friend, I know, you know,

00:31:18.360 Pete. Um, and he was saying the other day to me, he's like, you know, I can look at somebody and

00:31:23.620 tell really quickly if they train jujitsu. And I was like, well, like, like how he's like, I don't

00:31:29.160 know. I can just tell. And he's not, he's not wrong. Like I, I look, I'm like, oh yeah,

00:31:34.480 that's true. I don't know about jujitsu. Like if I can tell they do jujitsu, but I can tell like

00:31:38.320 if they carry themselves confidently, um, if they're athletic, if they're strong, if they're

00:31:43.400 sure of themselves, yeah, you can tell pretty quickly, like this is somebody who you may want

00:31:47.280 to think twice about messing with. A hundred percent. And the thing is I'm the smallest guy

00:31:51.780 out of all of my friends for the most part. And the ones who are smaller than me are total psychopaths. 0.99

00:31:56.560 And it's funny with me, you know, like if it's warm out, I'll wear tank top stuff. And I have 0.95

00:32:02.260 scars all over my arms, my everywhere, but yet I'm smiling when I'm walking around. So people are

00:32:08.820 like, wait a second, something, something doesn't fit. Like he's supposed to be acting like he's

00:32:13.480 tough, but I'm not, I'm asking. Yeah. But they know I've been through it. You know what I mean?

00:32:17.780 Like I just didn't wake up this way. I've been through some shit, you know? 0.99

00:32:21.280 Yeah. You said that, uh, when you were 13, you, you became, 0.99

00:32:26.060 like you, you, you went from maybe more of a passive kid to asshole territory, right? So we 0.99

00:32:31.400 have to find that balance. But was there something that happened when you were 13 that caused that

00:32:36.100 transformation? I know earlier you had, you know, you talk about it, you were molested as a young

00:32:40.880 boy and that was earlier than 13. So was there something else that happened in that timeframe or

00:32:45.760 did it all just kind of come to a head at that point? I think I started, you know, I was going

00:32:50.840 through puberty and I started to think I was becoming a man. And my father always told me as

00:32:55.620 radical as our relationship was up and down. He always told me like, have patience, like your

00:33:00.220 time will come, you know? And, uh, I just felt it was my time, you know, certainly 14. Like when I

00:33:07.700 was 14, I was like, all right. And I wasn't ready for what I thought I was ready for. Uh, but I thought

00:33:15.520 I was, you know, and I got into some scraps of some older kids and, you know, I remember

00:33:20.280 one specifically, I, I was 16 and I, and I had a torn ACL. I tore my ACL and I knew I

00:33:27.500 had a torn ACL and I was waiting for surgery. And I got in, like, I knew a guy who was like

00:33:33.920 in his twenties, tough dude. He was known for being tough. We were fooling around wrestling.

00:33:38.240 He was drunk and out of nowhere, he hit me. And I was like, and it got broken up right

00:33:43.460 away. And my eyes swelled. And the next day it was a 4th of July party at my neighbor's

00:33:47.940 house. And he was going to be there. And I was definitely afraid of like having to fight

00:33:53.600 this dude, but I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without approaching him, you

00:33:57.940 know? So I went up to him. I'm like, listen, let's, let's do it. Like, let's finish what

00:34:02.160 we started. And I was hoping that he didn't want to do it, you know?

00:34:06.260 Sure. Right. Yeah.

00:34:07.640 And I could tell at that time, he just was like, no, it's not like he knew he was,

00:34:13.460 he was wrong. He didn't want to kill me. And he knew I was just, you know, I was trying

00:34:18.760 to be a man, you know? And then I remember another time right after my surgery, when I

00:34:24.780 was, I, I turned 17 shortly after that, when I was driving and I was with my girlfriend

00:34:30.860 and I, I guess I cut off a guy on a motorcycle or something. He flipped me off. I flipped him

00:34:36.600 off. He came right back around. I was like, fuck, came up to the car. That was another instance

00:34:42.520 to where I didn't back down, but I was literally praying to God. And I think he saw my eyes

00:34:48.020 and like, I wasn't a, I wasn't a bad kid, but I didn't want to be a pussy, but he also 0.99

00:34:53.340 let me off the hook. So that was two times I was let off the hook. And after that, I said, 0.98

00:34:57.980 you know what, man, like talk a little less, you know, carry yourself strong, but, but don't 0.99

00:35:04.700 get yourself into some shit. You're not ready to. So I kind of laid low for, for like probably 0.99

00:35:09.740 two years after that, until I really felt like I was really, really ready. So I went

00:35:13.200 like, I'm being like a scared little kid to thinking I was a tough ass to realize that 0.97

00:35:18.520 I wasn't to actually becoming pretty tough, you know? So it was like stages, you know, 0.96

00:35:24.120 it was interesting, but at nine years old, actually my bully, I, I, I hit him with a rock

00:35:29.400 in his ear and I exploded his ear. Uh, so I had it in me, but I just, I was still doing things

00:35:36.600 out of fear rather than out of confidence. You know, that's what the problem was.

00:35:42.300 I think, you know, when we were going back to what you were talking about with, with

00:35:46.020 regards to where some of the hate might come from, is I think from the outside looking in,

00:35:49.860 people might look at you and think you're an angry person. You know, I don't know if you

00:35:53.700 feel that way about yourself, um, or, or, or not. I'd be really curious to your take on

00:36:00.060 that. Um, whether, whether you feel like you are angry or you were angry and you found ways

00:36:05.440 to overcome it, like what's your, what's your take on that? Well, I will say I never

00:36:09.560 picked on anyone. I never bullied, uh, anyone. And I have, I've always had really good relationships

00:36:15.860 with the kids in high school. Like I was always a popular kid and the kids in high school that

00:36:18.920 weren't very popular. I always was there like a protector, so to speak. You know, I believe I am

00:36:26.020 angry to assholes. Like if you're a bully, like there's, I remember a time in high school, 0.99

00:36:32.280 like I saw this kid bullying another kid in the hallway and they were, he was just always, 0.99

00:36:37.020 this one dude was always fucking with everybody, you know? And I came up and I open hand slapped 0.96

00:36:42.760 him as hard as I could, you know? And nothing, I, of course, didn't do shit about it. So in that 0.98

00:36:47.140 sense, I was angry watching him be such a dickhead. I get angry sometimes when people are morons online, 1.00

00:36:54.780 you know, I get angry with the state of the world, but overall I am, uh, I'm pretty, I'm softer than 0.98

00:37:02.940 I am angry. Like I'm not, uh, I don't walk around angry. Like when I'm out, like I'm not, I don't have

00:37:09.280 a scowl. Like I'm opening doors for men. I'm smiling when I make eye contact. Like, uh, I think when

00:37:15.620 people meet me, they're surprised because I also think I just have a look that I kind of look like,

00:37:22.600 like a serious guy. Like I look like a dickhead, you know, when people meet me, like they see that 0.77

00:37:28.200 I'm like really not, I'm really kind. I'm really nice. Like I don't throw weight around. I don't 0.91

00:37:32.460 act like I'm tough, but there's time, like for sure. Like when people like, you know, when they give me a

00:37:39.240 reason, like I'm always quit. Like I go from zero to a hundred really, really fast. You know, like it

00:37:45.260 doesn't take much to get me going. Uh, but no, I, I, I'm not angry. There's been times in my life

00:37:51.940 where I've had resentment and I've had anger, I guess, about how some things were. But when I look

00:37:59.160 at my life, like I'm, I'm lucky, man. Like I'm blessed. Like I'm, I'm thankful my kids. I mean,

00:38:05.440 I'm soft with my, I'm too soft a little bit, you know? So it's like, I'm probably not your daughter

00:38:10.120 more than your son too. Right. You know, well, you know, it's funny. It's actually my son because he's

00:38:14.720 the little guy and he's, you know, I see so much of me in him. And like right now, like

00:38:20.440 he has, you know, he's a tough little kid, but he's just so pure. He's so kind. Like

00:38:24.080 he's not, he doesn't understand, you know, you know, our kids, I mean, your son, you know,

00:38:29.340 he's growing. How old is he? 13. My oldest is 13. Yeah. So he's starting to understand.

00:38:34.560 He's starting to become a young man, you know, but like, I almost like, I love my son at this

00:38:39.580 age, but I almost can't wait until he's a little older. So I, I know he could understand

00:38:45.760 things a little more, the evils of this world. And I think for me, I've seen some terrible

00:38:52.400 shit, you know, to where people have seen the same things I've seen, they would understand 0.98

00:38:59.140 why I am the way, you know? And for me, when, when people talk out of, when, when people think 0.99

00:39:05.240 they're smart, yet they're totally ignorant, that pisses me off. You know, like I remember 0.96

00:39:12.240 these, uh, I had a friend, I have some friends that live in North. They're, uh, they're, they're

00:39:18.800 Latin Kings. Right. I don't want to say friends, acquaintances. I know all my growth of them. 0.92

00:39:22.200 I don't hang out with them at all. And during the protests, there was these, these white kids 0.96

00:39:29.460 that went through there and they started trying to ride and loot and ruin things in North.

00:39:35.220 And they were, they were doing it for, in their minds, they thought for, you know, against

00:39:41.460 racism. Right. You know, and they beat these kids, man, like half to death, you know? So

00:39:49.380 these kids, these young, you know, middle-class suburban white kids walk into a place where

00:39:58.200 they're not welcome yet. They think they're doing good for these people end up getting

00:40:04.860 beat half to death. Like that's the shit that drives me nuts. When people think they know what 1.00

00:40:09.940 they're talking about to where, no, you don't, you just don't get this world, you know? And if you

00:40:15.560 want to make changes, you have to do so in a, in a strategic way, you know? So I think ignorance

00:40:22.560 makes me angry for sure. Absolutely. Yeah. How, how, how is some of the stuff that's happened in,

00:40:29.080 in your childhood with, you know, being molested? I hate to keep bringing that up, but that's a,

00:40:33.020 that's an important part. And I know that there's a lot of men who have had a similar experience and

00:40:39.260 still, you know, really wrestle with that. Um, also having some strains within the relationship

00:40:45.720 with your father, obviously that, that was the good relationship. Ultimately, it sounds like

00:40:50.520 based on what I've seen and read, but you know, there's some real strains there. So how, how do

00:40:54.680 you take those experiences that I think most people objectively would say that's a negative

00:40:59.860 experience? And have you, do you feel like you've been able to use it for the betterment of yourself

00:41:05.280 and other people? And if so, how have you done that? So when I, when I say this, it'll probably get

00:41:09.660 twisted by some jerk off saying that I'm comparing myself to Jesus, but I'm not, I think in order to 0.56

00:41:16.720 truly help people, you must suffer because if we don't suffer, if we don't feel pain, how do we 0.98

00:41:23.740 understand other people's pain? You know? So whether people believe in this man or not, whether they

00:41:28.200 believe he was a son of God or not, there was a man named Jesus. He was brutally murdered. He was

00:41:32.900 beaten. He was spit on. I mean, he was, they fucked him up. Like people have no idea, you know? I mean, 0.62

00:41:38.680 does he got to watch somebody get their face beat in and see what he went through. And not one time,

00:41:44.040 not only one time did he ask, why is this happening to me? But he took it. He took every bit of it and

00:41:50.940 his death brought millions upon millions of people hope. Right. So for me, I don't think I was put on

00:42:00.500 this earth to feel like, I mean, I am happy, but I don't think that was my purpose to live a happy

00:42:07.720 life. I don't think my purpose was to find love. I found love through my, my children. I think my

00:42:13.340 purpose is to serve. And I think my purpose is to by any means necessary. And I'm, there's something

00:42:21.960 wrong with me for sure. Like there's, I'm not a hundred percent normal in my head. Like I have

00:42:27.860 some, I'm, I know I'm fucked up and I could look in the mirror and I I'm very smart in the fact that 0.96

00:42:35.580 I could dissect things, people and myself, but I also know that for sure. Like I'm always, 0.95

00:42:41.180 if it wasn't for my kids, God knows where I would be, you know? So I, what do you, what do you mean

00:42:48.260 when you say, I know I'm, I know I'm not right. Like, I know I'm messed up in the head. Like,

00:42:52.260 what do you mean by that? Um, you know, I, when I was 20 years old, you know, I read about it in my

00:42:57.540 book, I was looking for, you know, I had a rope that I bought. I was going to hang myself with that

00:43:02.020 rope. Like for me, and it's hard for people to understand, like, I'm not depressed at all,

00:43:06.940 but I do believe I'll, I will be in total peace when all is said and done when I'm dead, you know,

00:43:13.460 because even having kids, I mean, how could we sleep when our kids are not, unless our kids are right

00:43:20.020 by our side, you know, we can prepare our children as much as we want, but yet our kids are out there

00:43:24.820 driving. There's drunk drivers out there. Like it's scary. You know, I fear every day, you know?

00:43:30.800 So for me, I'm never, even though things are good in my life financially, this now, like I still,

00:43:35.160 now I have the fear for my kids and are they going to be okay? You know? So I feel, and in my mind,

00:43:41.900 I don't really, I don't think I enjoy living for me. I enjoy living for other people. And while I,

00:43:49.540 when I say that, I'm not depressed, like I would never commit suicide or anything like that. Like

00:43:53.800 I'm not, it's not who I am, you know? Especially with kids, like I kid, I would never, you know,

00:43:59.240 but at the same time, I do understand my way of thinking is much different than other people's

00:44:05.440 ways of thinking. Like I do enjoy the feeling of pain and stuff like that. Like, did you ever see

00:44:12.260 Da Vinci code? Yeah, sure. You see when the guy, the crazy guy was whipping himself over and over,

00:44:19.220 like, yeah, I'm not saying that's what I do, but I like that shit. You know what I mean? Like I, 1.00

00:44:24.420 I like, like when my father died, when he was dying, when he was in hospice, you know, like I, I,

00:44:31.080 I rebranded my, my, my cross. Like I wanted to, I wanted to feel it was important that I felt

00:44:39.240 physical pain, you know? So I know that's not normal per se, I guess, but at the same time,

00:44:44.320 I know it's, there's always a limit that I have. Like I'm not stupid about things, but I also know

00:44:51.480 that I see things and believe in things that most people don't, you know? What does, what does that

00:44:56.440 physical pain do for you? You know, what, what, what does it bring you? What purpose does it serve

00:45:01.620 for you? Very similar to jujitsu. Like when you're on the mats and you're just dying of exhaustion, you

00:45:08.400 can't go anymore, but you just keep fighting and keep fighting that, like that feeling of like

00:45:13.660 almost like helplessness when you're so tired, but you can't do anything to stop that physical pain.

00:45:19.480 Right. It calms me when it's done. I could breathe when it's done. I'm like, I feel better. You know,

00:45:26.460 it's like, it's almost like a teapot, you know? And that's what I am sometimes, you know, not an angry

00:45:32.780 teapot, not an over an emotional teapot. I don't know what the emotion is within me. I'm not, I

00:45:38.860 never take my emotion out on other people. I'm never unpleasant to people around me. Uh, I'm always

00:45:44.280 kind to people around me. I don't have displaced anger, but I guess it's internal. But when I get

00:45:50.140 to feel some kind of physical pain, it's like a release of, uh, I can breathe. That's the only way

00:45:57.440 I can, I can describe it. I could take a deep breath, you know? Yeah. No, it's interesting.

00:46:04.160 It's, it's interesting. I mean, I, I feel, I don't know that I feel that to the degree you're

00:46:07.880 talking about, but I certainly feel that I was telling my guys earlier today, we were on a call

00:46:12.240 and I feel like I always have a little low level of pain everywhere or somewhere on my body,

00:46:19.300 you know, whether it's like my fingers don't work the way they should, or like my neck this morning

00:46:25.360 when I was training, it was really weird. I don't know, even know how I got into the position,

00:46:29.380 but my neck kind of like got smashed up against the guy's back and he rolled and I stayed with him

00:46:34.740 because I didn't want to let him go. And he, I should have probably let go. And he rolled and I

00:46:39.060 was like, Oh damn, I should have let go. Um, but I like it though. I'm like, cool. My fingers hurt 0.97

00:46:48.160 or my neck is a little kink today. And I'm like, I like that to me. I think that means that I actually 0.79

00:46:54.060 went and did something. If I felt good everywhere, a hundred percent of the time, like what the hell

00:46:58.800 have I been doing today? Nothing sitting around watching shows, jerking off, whatever. Like 0.95

00:47:03.160 this is not how we're supposed to live. That's the important you say that. Cause I say every day I

00:47:08.100 wake up, I'm reminded of like the life that I chose. Right. So I didn't get surgery on it,

00:47:12.560 but I have a torn labrum and I have a torn rotator cuff. My shoulders in the middle of the night,

00:47:16.600 they often dislocate to where I have to put them back in. Yeah. Torn ACL, LCL meniscus,

00:47:24.560 torn meniscus, broken nose, three times, five concussions, broken hand, three times,

00:47:29.960 broken ankle, hamstring ripped, ripped off my butt bone. I wake up and I feel I'm, I'm hurting,

00:47:36.840 you know? Uh, but I'm thankful for this. And I think for me, like I have a slipped disc in my back,

00:47:43.680 so I couldn't train for a long time. That's when like, I like the brandings and shit like that. 0.82

00:47:48.880 Like I have to be feeling something, you know? And I promise like, I'm not, I'm not a, like you 0.87

00:47:56.620 said, I'm just a little bit more extreme maybe than other people, but I don't bring that shit to 0.98

00:48:00.620 other people. You know, I'm, I'm weird, competitive. Like I'll, like I'll make, I've made like jokes 0.98

00:48:07.440 before about like, all right, I'd guarantee you, I could put this, I could, I could heat this knife.

00:48:12.600 I could put it in my skin and if I flinch, I lose. You know what I mean? And that shit to me is,

00:48:18.800 it's fun, you know? But I mean, it's not, it shouldn't be fun. It's weird. And I understand that 1.00

00:48:23.720 it's weird. You know what I mean? But like, I think, you know, a lot of my friends that I came up

00:48:29.120 with, uh, I was talking about this, my friends, my friend, Matt, the other day, he was over like,

00:48:34.280 we didn't grow up in the ghetto by any means, like at all, but where we grew up, it's different,

00:48:37.880 man. It's weird. Like a lot of our friends have died of overdoses. One of our best friends was murdered.

00:48:42.600 Um, and a lot of people just didn't end up in great spots, you know? So overall, as crazy as I

00:48:49.300 am, like we made it, we're, we're doing, I'm doing okay. You know, like life is very comfortable,

00:48:55.140 uh, except for the fact that I have children and I have to worry about them every day,

00:49:00.800 you know? But I mean, it is interesting that someone is, uh, I guess weird as me could have,

00:49:08.820 you know, reach the success that I have. But I think that's why a lot of people like me because

00:49:13.380 they look at me and they're like, Oh man, like I'm fucked up. So is he, you know? Yeah. He's just 0.98

00:49:18.300 relatable. Then I'm very confident. Like I'll, I, yeah, I cry. Like I don't give a shit. I'll say

00:49:23.580 I cry. Like it doesn't mean nothing to me. You know, I never will cry from pain ever physical pain

00:49:27.920 ever, ever, ever. When I tore my, even like when I tore my, my bicep off the bone, I, uh, I don't

00:49:34.000 even react when I get physically hurt. Like I was just like, Oh, like what's wrong? I was like,

00:49:38.240 I just ripped my bicep. I don't react from physical pain, but emotional pain. Like I'm not that guy

00:49:43.980 that like my grandfather never cried. That's not me, man. Like I'm like a little bitch. Like I cry

00:49:48.960 easy. I can watch a movie and cry, you know, like for sure. You know? Uh, but you know,

00:49:56.200 at the end of the day, I do what I have to do, man. You know, I get shit done. I don't let 0.99

00:50:00.360 anything hold me back from, uh, working from doing what we have to. So, so, so with, with your,

00:50:08.600 with your background and something you just said led me to something, um, where, you know,

00:50:14.020 you had this upbringing and you said, you know, it was a challenge and you've seen some crazy stuff

00:50:17.640 and you've done some crazy things and you know, we've made it is what you said. Do you ever feel

00:50:22.180 like, or run across situations where you feel like you don't, you don't deserve it

00:50:26.020 or you're not worthy of what you have, or are you comfortable in that? Are you secure in that?

00:50:31.720 What does that look like? That's interesting. I think I deserve some things, you know, I don't

00:50:38.160 get too close to anybody. That's one thing. And maybe that's something I feel undeserving. I don't

00:50:43.360 know. Uh, I believe I deserve all the monetary success that I have. I believe I deserve all the

00:50:48.100 notoriety that I have. Um, and I truly believe in my intentions of doing the right thing and never

00:50:54.260 selling my soul, you know? Uh, but I don't know how to really get super, super close to anyone.

00:51:01.840 And maybe that's because deep down, I don't think I deserve it. I don't know. I would have

00:51:06.400 to really like sit with the therapist and be like, what's wrong with me? You know, but I'm also okay

00:51:12.620 with you. Like, I'm not lonely, you know, like, uh, you know, my ex-wife and I, we get along,

00:51:20.420 we co-parent, we do things with our children together, you know? Uh, she's, you know, most

00:51:28.940 of the time we're friendly. Uh, I have no problems, you know? And I just feel like, you know, I was

00:51:35.900 meant to have kids. I don't know what else I was meant to have or feel. I don't know. It's an

00:51:43.300 interesting thing. I'll do some real, real deep soul searching for sure. Yeah. I mean,

00:51:47.540 I asked that because I know a lot of guys come from some, some crazy backgrounds and have some

00:51:52.600 even horrific experiences. And then they achieve some level of success in their life on a different

00:51:58.480 front. And, and they just, they struggle with like feeling worthy of it. And, and what I've seen a

00:52:04.440 lot of guys actually do is they sabotage themselves even maybe subconsciously because of it. Like,

00:52:09.080 I don't deserve this. So they started doing some dumb shit and then, you know, they sabotage 1.00

00:52:13.160 themselves and lose everything they've worked so hard to have in their lives. We see it all the time, 1.00

00:52:17.620 right? We see it with these professional athletes or a bunch of more. Yeah. Good point. I think,

00:52:22.060 I think we're seeing it. Sorry, Gordon. I love him like a brother. I think we see it with Gordon.

00:52:26.320 I don't know what the fuck he's thinking. Sometimes he has the world by the balls yet he will, 1.00

00:52:33.880 eventually go one step too far. And he's not a bad guy, but he, he said bad shit, you know? 1.00

00:52:41.180 And it's another thing, like I was talking to my buddy, uh, Mitch, uh, the owner of, uh, 0.99

00:52:46.520 M a M a S F the former Navy seal. Like he has a social media deleted three times,

00:52:52.180 you know? And I said, Mitch, I understand standing up for what you believe in and never backing down.

00:52:57.780 You're not going to win against Instagram. You have to be strategic. Like you can't just go

00:53:03.500 remember Ian, uh, Ian Smith from, uh, Tim's gym. Sure. Yeah. He's gone. He is not on social media

00:53:10.560 anymore. And guess what? Out of sight, out of mind, you will be forgotten about if your voice

00:53:15.520 isn't heard. And what I try to tell people is what you just said. When people self-sabotage,

00:53:20.060 that's something I'll never do now behind closed doors. And I'm alone. It could be a different,

00:53:26.020 it could be a different world. Yeah. Who knows what I'm thinking when I'm staying to myself or what I'm

00:53:31.280 doing. But for the world to see, I'm never so naive to put myself in positions to where

00:53:37.480 I am going to give the people who hate me, the satisfaction of saying, ah, there you go. 1.00

00:53:45.620 He fucked up. Never will that happen. Never. And I don't know. Like I try to tell Gordon, 1.00

00:53:51.740 like bro, like you got to play the game a little bit better. It's not that you're fake,

00:53:55.520 but if your goal is, and this is not him per se, like I would tell Mitch, if your goal is to change

00:54:01.200 the world and make a change, getting completely kicked off, kicked off social media, isn't the

00:54:06.400 way they don't want to play their game. You have to play the game of the people who are currently in

00:54:11.560 control until you take over control. Once you take over control, you can do whatever the fuck you 0.99

00:54:16.700 want. But guess what? Until you do that, you must stay smart. You know, that's it. If you want to be 0.99

00:54:22.900 the king, you can't look at that king in front of all of his knights and then say, Hey, fuck you. 1.00

00:54:28.420 I want to be the king. You're going to get, you're going to get your head chopped off. Right. But if 1.00

00:54:31.600 you, I mean, you're going to make yourself a martyr for sure. Exactly. If you do things smart,

00:54:36.820 if you're strategic, you know, I think everything we have to, everything we do, we have to be

00:54:42.060 strategic here. And that doesn't make us fake. It makes us smart. You know, every battle is one in

00:54:46.900 the mind, you know, it's not one with our mouth, you know? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. Well,

00:54:52.700 you know, one of the things that I see you using your social media for, so it actually surprises

00:54:57.440 me when you say you can't get close to people is man, I see the way that you treat your athletes

00:55:04.320 and your students. And like, you're, you're a big, you're obviously you're a huge fan of them.

00:55:09.260 You're their coach, but you're a big supporter of what they're doing. And you put that stuff on

00:55:12.800 social media. And I'm like, man, this is really cool to see the relationship that you have with,

00:55:17.360 with your people, man. That's awesome. It surprised me that you say you can't get close. Cause it seems

00:55:21.220 like there's a level of closeness and connection with those athletes and students that you have.

00:55:26.560 There is. And I will give, I guess I allow them to get close to me, but I don't necessarily allow

00:55:34.040 myself to just totally be vulnerable with them because, you know, people do some unthinkable 0.99

00:55:42.640 shit. You know, I mean, look what just happened with Danaher and them, you know, their whole team 0.93

00:55:47.720 just split, you know, Danaher gave his heart and soul to how many of his students. And now they're

00:55:52.900 gone. Now I'm not saying who was right and who was wrong. I don't know. But at the end of the day,

00:55:56.760 that has to hurt John, you know? So for me, I know I constantly have to, every day I wake up,

00:56:03.300 I do realize in any relationship that I have, I have to work for it. I never show up to my academy

00:56:08.160 and think I just deserve my students' respect and their loyalty. I give them all of me every day,

00:56:13.460 that I guess a part of me still doesn't trust anyone. You know, like I, I'm never surprised

00:56:21.860 by the terrible shit people could do. You know, I have been betrayed before in my life, for sure. 0.97

00:56:26.960 You know, I, I've, I've been lied to and, and I just understand that, you know, you can't believe,

00:56:35.120 well, what did I say? Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see.

00:56:38.680 You know, it's like, I guess that's probably the way I was raised. A lot of broken promises,

00:56:44.100 a lot of lies, uh, uh, a lot of just people not holding true to their work. You know? So for me,

00:56:51.120 it's like, I don't even listen to shit anymore. I, you got to prove it to me, you know? So I w it 0.99

00:56:56.140 won't affect me of how giving I am to somebody, but just in my mind, there's a wall. It's like,

00:57:04.100 you know, I'll let them like, if I can compare it to like, uh, a visual, I'll let people come and

00:57:11.780 put their arms around me and hug me, but I'll only get too close to you. I'm not hugging you.

00:57:16.680 You know what I mean? Like I'll give you all that I know, but I'm still not expecting much from them.

00:57:23.080 You know? So I, uh, I guess that's what it is. And not that I walk around just as a total boner,

00:57:29.480 you know, I have like some really great people in my life. My friends are incredible. They built

00:57:34.280 a house for me in like six months. Like they're just, yeah, they're awesome, man. You know? And it's

00:57:40.280 like, I, I, I guess a part of it is just, it's not a part of it. The entirety is me protecting myself.

00:57:49.380 I guess that's what it is. You know, where does your, uh, where does your, your, I don't know if it's

00:57:55.220 passion or what it is, but at least your desire, where does your desire to serve other people come

00:58:00.540 from? Cause I know you do a lot of good in your community. I know you're, you're, you're coaching

00:58:03.940 these, your, your students and you're helping them not only with jujitsu, but I think that's just an

00:58:08.700 analogy or a metaphor for life. Right. So where, where do you derive that from? And, and, and how do you

00:58:13.800 see your role in, in those people's lives? I think that just comes down to me thinking that's what

00:58:19.980 I'm supposed to do. I think that's just, you know, like it's just something I should be doing,

00:58:26.540 you know? And one thing I learned is that you could give, give, give, and the same people you

00:58:30.560 give deals to, and you help and you donate to, uh, you know, if you're in a tough spot,

00:58:34.860 you can't expect them to do the same. You know what I mean? Like, uh, and that's not why you're

00:58:39.220 doing it though. You're doing it. So I guess a part of me, it does it to make the big man upstairs

00:58:45.180 happy. You know, uh, I got to find my way into heaven somehow. So I think I just truly enjoy

00:58:51.800 and I enjoy the joy that it brings people when you do good for them. You know, I think that's

00:58:58.020 like the young Tom, like when I was a young boy, I was just a, I didn't have a mean bone

00:59:03.040 in my body. I was a nice, sweet kid. You know, I remember getting punched in my face and shit.

00:59:09.680 And I never, ever like used to hit people back. Like I would just be like, I don't understand 0.98

00:59:16.160 why they were so mean to me, you know? And I think it, part of me is still that, that kid

00:59:21.960 that just would want to give, you know, but then it's also, you ever see the movie Primal

00:59:26.980 Fear with, uh, Ed Norton? Yeah, for sure. That, that is such a perfect example of me and he

00:59:35.500 had split personalities, you know, like the stuttering kid and then the animal killer,

00:59:41.460 but it turns out that he was an animal killer the whole time. However, I still believe at

00:59:46.620 one time in his life, he was most likely that stuttering kid, you know? And, uh, yeah, I

00:59:52.480 am two different extremes, you know, but I believe the real me is the one who likes to

00:59:56.980 give and see people happy for sure. What are, what are some of your goals moving forward?

01:00:01.800 You know, you talk about with, with, with your body, obviously, you know, the ability

01:00:05.520 to compete and do stuff like that changes. And it has over the past five, six years,

01:00:09.040 obviously for you, but what, what are your goals and desires and ambitions for what you

01:00:13.700 have personally going on in your life moving forward?

01:00:16.540 I want to keep growing my brand. Uh, the more I grow, the more people I could help. Like

01:00:22.460 you said today, you know, you want to touch lives, right? And I want to do the same.

01:00:26.140 Yeah, for sure.

01:00:26.900 I don't know what you said today or in one of your other posts where you had like a negative

01:00:29.740 comment, you're like, your negativity is not going to bring me down. You know what

01:00:33.220 I mean? Uh, I want to keep inspiring. I want to publish more books. Uh, I want to

01:00:39.260 keep growing my academy, keep building my affiliation. And most of all, I just want

01:00:43.880 to be a good father to my kids. That's the most important thing to me is raising my

01:00:48.120 children to be not only successful, but to be happy and to be thankful. And when they

01:00:54.200 grow old, like, you know, it's funny. I caught myself the other day. I was feeling a

01:00:59.480 little distant from my daughter and I'm like, man, what's going on? Like I was

01:01:03.880 starting to feel really bad. I'm really sensitive when it comes to my kids. And I

01:01:06.520 was like, I feel she's just like, she's not into her dad anymore. Like she's 10.

01:01:10.940 What the hell is going on? But I also notice a lot of the time when she's around, I'm

01:01:16.600 doing business on my phone. I'm talking about my NFTs. I'm doing certain this, I'm

01:01:21.000 doing that. And every time I pick up from school, we have 30 minutes in the car alone

01:01:24.920 before her brother gets in the car. And I say, you know what I'm going to do? I'm

01:01:29.720 going to, my phone is going down when she gets in the car. Cause we're usually just

01:01:33.240 both on the phones and sure enough. And this week we connected and we talked and

01:01:38.580 we laughed and we, everything was so great, you know? And then like, I make time

01:01:44.860 every night, whether she wants to or not, like, Hey, come hang out with your brother

01:01:47.780 and I, and then when she gets there, I just don't say, come hang out and then go on my

01:01:50.820 phone. Like, no, like I'm playing games that I'm talking to around. And that's

01:01:55.580 the things that are important to me. You know, like how could we become better

01:02:00.260 people overall? And a lot of times, you know, we look at the other person as the

01:02:05.140 problem. Like at first I was thinking she was the issue. Like, no man, I was the

01:02:08.680 issue. You know, I was the issue. And it's so funny. I saw something on NBC today

01:02:14.940 published and it said, parents who, you know, sacrifice their work for their children are

01:02:22.720 seeing their work being drastically hurt. I'm like, Holy shit. Like you're really 1.00

01:02:28.200 publishing that. If you sacrifice your time for your kids, you're going to suffer. But

01:02:33.060 that's what I feel society wants nowadays. I want to rip families apart. They want to, 0.91

01:02:39.340 it's just the way people think. And it's crazy to me. So for me, I want to keep that

01:02:44.940 closeness as for as long as I could, you know, and that's most important to me to

01:02:48.960 build my brand and everything, as long as it's not sacrificing any time with my

01:02:54.040 children. And if it sacrifices like here and there, I get it. I'm trying to build a

01:02:59.380 better life for them, but it just can't be all the time, you know?

01:03:03.560 Right. Right. Well, right on brother. Well, let me know what I can do to serve you and

01:03:07.700 to help you, man. Cause I'm all about it. I've been inspired by what you do and to see

01:03:11.040 how you've grown everything and how you've taken your life and inspired other

01:03:14.300 people. Um, tell, tell everybody where to connect with you on social, um, to pick up

01:03:19.560 a copy of your book, wherever you want them to go, tell them where to go.

01:03:22.820 Uh, my book, you can just type in Tom, the blast on Amazon, um, social media is, uh,

01:03:28.320 Instagram. And then real quick with these NFTs of people that understand, they're like,

01:03:32.160 Oh, what are these NFTs? I didn't know much about them. It's basically original digital,

01:03:36.420 original digital art, right? That you could be owner to. So we were selling mine for 2000.

01:03:43.280 Oh man, you're selling digital art for $2,000. But with that, we're on a discord site to where

01:03:50.560 I'm talking personally to everyone who buys one. Right. So for me, I'm really big on

01:03:54.960 supporting the people who support me. So I want to keep growing the NFT project as well,

01:04:00.020 because for my own selfish reasons, the people who buy into it, I truly believe that they must

01:04:05.500 have something to offer because they're smart enough to understand that they're not just

01:04:08.860 buying a picture, you know? So people with an open mind who want to learn, um,

01:04:13.280 I also want to learn from, you know, so I also just want to keep learning and

01:04:17.260 keep, keep coming better. And you too, man, keep up the great work. I'm, I'm definitely

01:04:20.880 clapping from you for you from afar for sure. Anything you need, let me know.

01:04:24.700 Thank you, brother. Appreciate you joining us.

01:04:26.480 Thank you, boss. Have a good one.

01:04:29.340 All right, you guys, there you go. My conversation with the one and only Tom to blast. I hope you

01:04:33.640 enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Uh, make sure to pick up a copy of his book.

01:04:38.920 It's called how you bear it triumph and resilience in life. And he goes through a lot of his own

01:04:44.840 personal life experiences and how he struggled with those things, but how he's overcome them and

01:04:50.260 how he's used martial arts to do that. And it's very enlightening. I think it's really going to

01:04:54.000 help you on your own personal journey to improve your life and the lives of the people that you care

01:04:58.860 about. Please do that. Connect with him on the socials, connect with me on the socials. I said earlier,

01:05:04.340 take a chance to leave a rating and review. It only takes you a minute, literally a minute.

01:05:09.700 Just go in there. If you've listened for a long period of time and you're wondering,

01:05:13.480 Hmm, gee, how can I give back to Ryan? This is a really easy, cheap, free way to do it.

01:05:19.620 Leave a rating and review. Let people know that you think five stars of what we're doing right here.

01:05:24.800 And let's blow this thing up. That's a small part of what needs to be done, but it is a part

01:05:29.180 nonetheless. Also check out the iron council order of man.com slash iron council. Check out

01:05:34.560 our battle ready program at battle ready.com. And I think that's it. So you've got your marching

01:05:40.740 orders rating and review iron council battle ready. We'll be back tomorrow for our ask him anything,

01:05:48.260 but until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:05:53.320 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:05:57.580 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 18, 2022

TOM DEBLASS ｜ How You Bear It

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