TOM DEBLASS ｜ How You Bear It
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 6 minutes
Words per Minute
204.67517
Summary
World Champion Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt Tom DeBlas joins Ryan to discuss his new book, "How You Bear It." They also discuss the importance of doing things the right way versus chasing wins, how to keep yourself centered in the midst of chaos, why and how purpose can be found in service to others, and how to avoid self sabotage.
Transcript
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Life is tough for everyone. Obviously, some more than others. It's not a question of whether or not
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we have or even will face adversity, but a matter of how we bear it that counts. Whether you grew
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up in an abusive home, without a father or mother in your life, or overcome depression, addiction,
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and even suicidal thoughts, every single one of us struggles to some degree. And my guest today,
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world champion, Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, Tom DeBlas is no exception to that. Today, Tom
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and I talk about his new book, How You Bear It. We also talk about the importance of doing things
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the right way versus just chasing wins, how to keep yourself centered in the midst of chaos,
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why and how purpose can be found in service to others, how to keep ourselves from self-sabotaging,
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and so much more. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly
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chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You
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are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Men, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler. I'm the host and
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the founder of the Order of Men podcast and movement, and I want to be the first to welcome you here to
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what we're doing. And if you're new, what we're doing is we are on a mission to reclaim and restore
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masculinity. And we do that via the conversations that we're having on this podcast. Guys like Tom
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and Steve Rinella and Andy Frisilla, David Goggins, Jocko Willink, Ben Shapiro, John Eldridge.
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We've just had, we just had Dave Ramsey on the podcast last week. The men that we've had on this
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podcast are some of the most incredibly successful, influential, knowledgeable people on the planet.
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And that's what I want to do. I want to interview these guys. I want to take their life's experiences
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and distill that down into practical conversations and actions that you can actually employ in your
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own life to begin to replicate some of the results that these guys have in theirs. So if you haven't
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already done it, please subscribe, leave a rating and review while you're at it. That goes a long way.
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I know it doesn't seem like it. I get it. What can just taking 60 seconds do to improve the
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leave a review, leave a rating, we're going to see this show climb up the charts. And this is something
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that is much needed in society today. Not just for you, not just for me, but collectively for society
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at checkout. All right, guys, let me introduce you to Tom. As I said earlier, he's a Brazilian
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jujitsu black belt. He's a world champion. All right. He's, he's a Nogi world champion. I think
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in both the Brown and black belt, a Pan-American champion, a Nogi Pan-American champion. You get
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the point. Like I could, I could spend all day talking about what his qualifications, but you get
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the point. He's an absolute beast on the mats and somebody I've respected for a very long time,
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not only for his performance on the mats, but his performance off of them. He also happens to be a
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world-class coach. He has dozens of academies and has coached some of the most elite level athletes
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in the world. And Tom is someone who's learned early how to take the self healing powers of martial
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arts that I'm beginning to understand to improve himself and his students around the world. He's a
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very fascinating person. You're going to hear that in the dialogue and discussion today and his
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perspective of life and his experiences, some negative, some positive are something that I think all of
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us can relate to, to some degree. So enjoy this one guys. Tom, what's up, man. Thanks for joining
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me on the podcast today. Thank you, brother. How are you, Ryan? Good to be here. I'm good. Yeah,
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no, I've been looking forward to this. I don't know if you know, I started jujitsu about three years ago
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or so. And I think that's when I came across you and we've been connected for probably a couple of
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years. So it's pretty cool to be able to finally have this conversation. Yeah. I remember,
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I, I remember I started following you and then I saw you train jujitsu. I didn't know you trained
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jujitsu at first, I believe. Yeah. So yeah, you were already, you were already training. I remember
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I saw you at a blue belt. Yeah. It's been a good journey. I've really enjoyed it. I know it's been
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an integral part of your life and I I've obviously started later in my life when I was, must've been
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38, you started training. How old were you when you started training jujitsu?
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About like 19. Okay. 19. Oh yeah. So I was a little, you know, I mean, some of these guys
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are starting at like five years old, you know, but, uh, it's wild. Yeah. I'm happy. I started
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when I did, I think about it. I started too young. It was kind of, I don't know. It can wear you out.
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You know what I mean? Like you see a lot of with the wrestling dads, you know, they, they drill,
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drill, drill their kids. They push, push, push. And by the time the kids are like 18, they hate wrestling.
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You know? Yeah. It's, it's trying to find that balance. I've got, I know you have kids and I've
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got four. I would say if any of my kids are the most into it is my youngest, he's six. And every day
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it's like, dad, let's go wrestle. Let's go wrestle. If there's a down minute or he sees me walking by,
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he's like, let's go wrestle. We have mats in my front room. So we'll go out there. And he says,
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wrestling, you know, we're really training jujitsu, but at that age, it's all the same. It's not like
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we're going through technique and all that drills. Exactly. That's the thing. I think for me,
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it's like, as long as they're exposed to it and used to it and they see what's going on, like,
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you know, my son doesn't train yet and he's six. My daughter doesn't either. Uh, and she's 10.
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She will be forced to do it soon. Uh, she'll have no choice, but to do it once or twice a week,
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just because self-defense is imperative. Uh, she's a tough kid though, but my son,
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he'll take to it, I believe, but he's just a little wild right now to be on those mats,
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but he comes with me to the school all the time. He likes to like mess around and everything,
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but he, uh, you know, I think he'll be the one to really take to it as well. More so than her for
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sure. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like there's always, I don't know if it's a certain personality,
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but I've realized and recognized that like, you can actually learn a ton about somebody,
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even just in the first few seconds of training with somebody.
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Oh yeah, man. A hundred percent for sure. You know, and I saw a lot of people quit
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because they're forced to look at who they are and they don't end up, you know,
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to, they tell themselves that they are, it's not who they really are. And when they're forced to
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look at themselves in the mirror and you see nothing but truth, looking back to you for some
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people, they don't want to admit that. Yeah. It's a pretty good litmus test, isn't it? Somebody
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comes and then they, you know, leave and you're like, got it. I understand. And look,
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it's not for everybody. I'm not saying everybody has to train jujitsu, but when somebody comes and
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they're like, yeah, I liked it and I want to be better, but they never come back. Like to me,
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that's a pretty good litmus test of whether or not they're serious.
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Well, I had a guy come in. This is just a perfect example. He was a power lifter, not a big guy,
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but he told me he was a power lifter. It's like two under 190 pounds, whatever. You know,
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he was fit. He's taking the basic class. You can't train live in my academy until you have two
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stripes on your belt. Okay. If you can't stay, if you can't respect the rules enough to wait until
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your second stripe, I don't want you anyway. You know? So this guy, man, he's a little bit too
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boring for me. The basic class is like, you don't understand. You don't know anything. So if I put
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you to train live now, you're just going to use pure strength and aggression and you're going to
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end up getting hurt. Somebody else is going to get hurt. Somebody else is. Sure. No, no, no, bro.
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Listen, I want to try. I'll chill with you. I'll chill with you. I was like, I was like, all right,
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you have your wish granted, you know? So I didn't even use technique with him. I just,
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cause he's a strong guy. So I just used pure strength of him. You don't know. I was picking
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him up, walking across the entire mat and placing him down like a child, you know? But, you know,
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I kept busy on him. Like I made him like really exhausted and that was the last day he ever came in,
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you know? And it's like, you did this to yourself because if I didn't do that to you,
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you would have quit anyway. And you would have wanted to tell everybody, you know,
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oh, he was afraid to train with me. So then I train with him and it's too hard. And he quit
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anyway. So some people, they're just mentally, they just want to allow themselves to just take
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a step back, be a student, learn, understand. You don't know shit about shit. You know, if I went
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into, I saw you posted a picture of a barn the other day, I don't know nothing about a barn. So if I
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went and I wanted to learn about barns and I said, Hey, how do you upkeep this? What do you do?
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What is it? Like, what, why do you have one? I wouldn't challenge everything you said. I would
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just listen. I would listen and I would learn and I would try to understand to where some people,
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man, I think they're just so used to being out of that student role. And they feel almost,
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if you're a student, you're, you're less than right when you're not. And that's why they stay
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I hear what you're saying, but I also think that, you know, you have a lot of individuals
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and I tend to be like this. I imagine even you are probably like this to a degree, you know,
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like we're impatient and it's not because yeah, maybe some of it is ego for sure. But the other
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part of it is we just really want to accelerate our learning. And I think for me, the biggest part
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is like, hold, you said it perfectly. Like take a step back, chill out for a minute. You can be
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patient. You can still be assertive. I'm not saying to be passive, but yeah, it's that,
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that's a, that's a personal challenge of mine is like taking it all in, in stride versus like
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doing everything I can to get everything right now.
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That's what they're saying. And it's okay to question. I have a student, Sophia. She just
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got a brown belt, world champion at purple belt, Pan American champion rather. And anything I say,
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she questions, you know, and that's her way of learning. At first I used to be like,
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what the fuck dude? Like really? Like, yeah, I'm not lying to you. But then I realized that
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she has to process and understand why you have to do things the way you do it before she implements
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it. And I understand that because she'll still do it, you know? And yes, impatience, I think is part
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of our culture. It's part of who we are in, in the United States. You know, I traveled like 22
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different countries. And one thing that drives me insane is their passivity. Like they're just
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so relaxed. And like, I was in Spain, it took me an hour to get a menu. I'm like, bro,
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and I'm from New Jersey. I'm the East Coast. I'm not used to this, you know?
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But, uh, and we can't be like that here. We just can't, we have shit to do, you know? So
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it is a part of being impatient for sure. But I think another part of it is, is people get so
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caught up in these fads where they think they can accomplish something quick and they just keep
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searching for that. You know, they keep, they keep believing the bullshit, you know?
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And that's a good point. I've got my, um, strength coach and he sent me some programming
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and I said, Hey man, like, I don't see any, like, I don't see any deadlifts or squats or whatever in
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here. And I wasn't like challenging that. I was like genuinely questioning, like, like, do you want
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me to do any of that? And he wrote back in pure coaching form. He says, I want you to do exactly
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what I programmed for you. And yeah, man, we have such a hard time. We know, like, obviously this
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is my coach. I hired him. His name's Josiah. And I, I hired him to do this. And still we question.
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It's like, we just can't let go of the arrogance and the ego.
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You know, I learned a valuable lesson. It was my junior year in high school. I just started
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powerlifting. I was powerlifting with this guy. And the first I was in there, he had me deadlift
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185 pounds. And I was able to do it like a ton. I'm like, all right, let's go up and wait. He's
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like, no. Yep. That's weak. We only went up to 215. I'm like, bro, this is light. I'm
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not getting where I need to get, you know, and we did it the right way through the way
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he wanted me to do it. And I ended up deadlifting like over 400 pounds at like 16 or 17. And I
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only did it because I listened to someone who knew how to do it. You know, so how many people
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have so much potential yet they don't have anyone to guide them. But then if they do have
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someone to guide them, they're not willing to be guided. Right. So it's tricky, man.
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You, um, you kissed your necklace earlier. Do you mind telling me what, what that was?
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Oh yeah. This is St. Benedict. I always, uh, I wear him around my, my neck and, uh, he, you
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know, he is like a saint of many, many different, uh, things. Like he protects the, uh, watches
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over children. He has, there's two sides of it. One side is like a cross and that's
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to keep like demonic spirits away. The other side he has, he's holding actually a Bible
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and there's a crow taking something away. And he's actually supposed to be taking like
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the negativity away from him. And, you know, I, I, uh, I just, I'm trying at this point
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in my life to stay positive last year. I lost my, my father, my two dogs, my damn
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guinea pig, uh, like everything, you know, like, like, like for me, it's never easy.
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So St. Benedict is protector of like health and everything like that. And it's just, I
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formed like, uh, a bond with, with this guy. Uh, Danielle gave it to me. Uh, and, and
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I just, I wear it every day. It's something that, uh, I either wear this or I wear my father's
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Jesus face that, that he gave me. Uh, well I'm, I'm big on like, uh, I know it does.
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It's just a piece of, you know, silver, but for me, it's just has significance, you
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Yeah. I don't think it's just a piece of silver. You know, I think we, I think we give
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meaning to things that are important, you know, like I, I have little mementos and
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little memories of my relationship with my father. I lost my father, uh, about three
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years ago. Uh, yeah, no, it's, um, we had a strained relationship, you know, but there
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was, there was definitely the connection there and I loved him and I think he's a good
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person and I'm excited to see him at some point, you know, in another life. But yeah,
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I don't, I don't ever discount like the, the, the meaning that we give to things, you
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know, whether it's like truly there or not, like, it doesn't matter if it reminds you
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Yeah. I think it keeps me, uh, it brings me back. Like it just keeps me centered. I'm a
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little wild. You know, I, I have, uh, my, my life outside of jujitsu has been very
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interesting. You know, some of my friends are very interesting people and, uh, I'm
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just used to a different way of life. Like, you know, a lot of people, I don't
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understand really the way, uh, a lot of people work nowadays, the way they, they
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function. Like I just wrote something. I said, I never thought I'd live to see a day
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where even jujitsu guys, they just gossip. They don't even, I saw that. I saw
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that. They don't even stand, you know, man to man. They just talk shit in their
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little, in their little circle. And I don't understand this because the way I
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came up, the way we are, and I don't look for violence ever, especially now I'm
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39 years old, but man, I came up fighting, you know, like that was the most
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natural thing for me. And if we had a problem, we had a problem, you know, and I
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wasn't afraid to get my ass whooped. You know, I mean, I was afraid to get my
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ass whooped before I ever got my ass whooped. And once you do, you're like,
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yeah, it's not that big of a deal, you know? So, so I try to just keep
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grounded and I try to keep just not resorting back to, you know, I don't
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want to call it immature ways, but ways that will put me in a bad position
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nowadays. I can't, I can't act like that. You know, people are just, nowadays
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people just want to talk shit. They want you to hit them so they could take you
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for everything you, you have, you know, it's crazy, crazy times.
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Well, I think there's a lot of, a lot of posturing on social media too, you know,
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like the old adage is like the problem with society is that, you know, nobody
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can get punched in the face or whatever it is, like things like that. Right. And
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you know, we laugh at it and think it's funny, but it's actually true. There's no
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real consequence to running your mouth anymore. And I think that's kind of a
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It's crazy to me that men in our sport, and, and I don't know anybody personally
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that hates me, but there's a ton of people behind fake screen names that do
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that they'll talk shit. And then I'll say, okay, if you have an issue, come see me
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face to face, we can either talk it out or punch me in my face, do whatever you
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want to do. And then I'm considered the immature guy, but the ones who are behind
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fake screen names, talking shit, nothing's wrong with that. And they think
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that they don't deserve an ass whooping yet. They could say whatever they want.
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Right. So where, what is the consequence? Just arguing like bullshit, you know,
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like, and it's so funny, like, you know, you see it too, like all these people talk
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about bullying this and that yet they have no problem getting behind the screen name
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and talking tons of shit to us. Right. That would be considered if we did it
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though. Oh, we're terrible people. You know, it's like, yeah. Or if you ever say
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anything back, it's like, well, just ignore it. It's like, well, look, I don't, I
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don't, I don't share that for the benefit of that troll or whatever. I share it for
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the benefit of people who actually want to stand up for themselves, but don't for
00:18:23.540
whatever reason they're scared or, you know, whatever. But I think people need to
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start speaking the truth. And I think there needs to be consequences. I'm not
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talking about violence either, but the problem is, is that it needs to be able
00:18:35.520
to look at somebody. Right. Exactly. Well, where do you think the hate towards
00:18:41.160
you anyways? And I don't know how much there is. I don't, I'm, I'm sure it's not
00:18:44.800
a lot, but where do you think it's, it derives from? Is it like people that have
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issues with your message? Is it people that have issues from your past? Like
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where, where does it derive for you? So what do I hear? I hear, I think the real
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reason is I, and I'm very, uh, I've taken a step back from saying what I truly
00:19:05.520
feel on social media. Cause I was hardcore shadow banned for like six months.
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Couldn't even search my name. I think the real reason people hate me is because
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they envy the things I say, the things they wish they could, you know? And I've
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also done everything I said that I would do. You know, I mean, I, you know, we, with
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these NFTs, people wanted to, I had a ton of hate with the NFTs. All right. Well,
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you know, I made 50 grand in a week. So what are you hating at? You know, I had a
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ton of people. I'm not a ton. I had people talking to shit that I was writing a
00:19:37.980
book. All right. Well, it was the bestseller for three days, number one, and
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out of 250,000 other books. So why are you hating? But I think sometimes, uh, I'm a
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little bit too blunt, you know, and I don't think people like that. I will call you
00:19:52.560
out in your bullshit. You know, like there was one thing that goes wrong. It's, it's
00:19:56.220
a screenshot of me. I really went after this guy one day, like on social media,
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because he talked about my, it's funny. They block out the part where he, he
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spoke about my daughter. He said something like, you know, you're such a, like,
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you're a piece of shit. And I, and I hope, I hope your daughter ends up with
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nothing because of you. So I was like, Oh, and then I went hard, bro. You know, I
00:20:15.540
went really hard. So that would screenshot it and people say, Oh, this is who Tom the
00:20:19.260
blast really is. But why did I say the things I, I said, because this guy said
00:20:24.780
he's lucky that I didn't see him after you talk like that, you know, but it's
00:20:29.200
like, I think we're just living in 2021. That's just what it comes down to. You
00:20:33.060
know, we're, we're up is down and down is up, you know, like nothing makes sense
00:20:38.280
anymore. Like people fight for things that, you know, evil is good. You know, like
00:20:44.260
these people doing evil think they're doing good. And it's so crazy to me, you know,
00:20:49.000
it's just such a twisted, twisted time. So of course I'll get hate because I
00:20:55.580
mean, shit, man, Biden's our president. People voted for him. If you both vote
00:20:59.340
for Biden, most likely you don't like me. Not that I'm a big Trump lover. I'm
00:21:03.280
not, I'm not at all. I don't give a shit about any of these guys, but how could
00:21:07.960
you support somebody who's a total fucking idiot? You know what I mean? Like, and
00:21:13.780
that's who most of our country, I think now they're waking up, but there's just a
00:21:18.120
lot of more. And then there's people who are completely way out of their minds
00:21:22.420
with everything, you know, who still deny COVID and, you know, listen, I'm that
00:21:29.280
person in the middle. Like, I believe COVID is real. You can get sick. I almost
00:21:33.200
died from COVID and I'm a healthy guy. It hits people differently. I believe now
00:21:38.320
it's much weaker. I believe now it's much weaker, but even though I almost died
00:21:41.740
from it, as soon as I recovered, I was back on the mats without a mask doing what I
00:21:46.360
do. So I'm not like, I just want people to be able to live and do whatever the
00:21:51.560
fuck they want. And that's it. And I think some people hate me because I
00:21:56.160
literally do whatever I want. I do whatever I want. If I say I'm going to do
00:21:59.040
something, I do it. And I don't care what anyone says.
00:22:01.820
Have you always been outspoken and been that kind of assertive person where, Hey,
00:22:06.160
you see something, you're going to pursue it. You feel something, you're going to
00:22:09.160
share it. Is that something that you've developed? Is that something you've
00:22:11.680
cultivated over time? Or is that just in your, in your DNA?
00:22:16.260
Around 13, I started, there was a big change in me around 13 years old. I started
00:22:21.000
like really just being like, I realized that if I lived passively, I would suffer.
00:22:26.940
You know, I was a very sensitive kid. I cared about everything. I actually, I bring
00:22:33.380
it up in my book. Like when I was molested as a child, I thought I was going to hell
00:22:38.540
for like every single day. I would cry because I was very guilty.
00:22:43.900
Yeah. I felt I was the one who was wrong. So one day in order to survive, I basically
00:22:49.600
had to just not care. I had to lose, uh, any kind of feelings at the time because I
00:22:56.240
wasn't mature enough to know. So I went from like caring about everything to just not
00:23:01.220
giving a fuck. Uh, now I'm, I, I, I still understand the real me has tons of
00:23:07.620
compassion, but I still have that, that chip on my shoulder as well, uh, to where
00:23:12.500
I can't sit back and just let assholes be assholes. Like I can't do it. Like if
00:23:16.360
I'm, if I'm somewhere and somebody is getting bullied, I can't, I can't tell you
00:23:20.120
how many fights I've been in. Well, back in the day, I wouldn't even argue. I would
00:23:23.420
just hit like, if I saw somebody being severely mistreated, I'll just knock a
00:23:27.680
motherfucker out. That's it. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I'm not going to
00:23:30.440
talk like, but nowadays I'll try to deescalate things. Hey man, you know, maybe we
00:23:36.560
shouldn't do this. Like I remember there was a, I was at a gas station a few
00:23:39.680
years ago and my kids were in the car and this dude, there was like a small old
00:23:44.780
gas station worker, a really tiny little black man. And these guys were there.
00:23:49.640
They're like in their thirties, you know, those white dudes in New Jersey, we
00:23:52.080
have, they talk like they're from the ghetto. They talk like they're, you know,
00:23:56.780
like they're like their rappers, you know, and they wouldn't have too many of
00:23:59.920
those in, uh, in Maine. So it was a little different, not rural Maine.
00:24:05.300
They were, they were talking, they were disrespecting this guy so much for no
00:24:09.560
reason. This guy's just trying to do his job. Oh, you're taking too long. Well,
00:24:13.020
and my kids were in the car. I'm like, don't say nothing. Cause you don't know
00:24:18.540
But I said, you know what? If I, if I allow my kids to like, see me watch this and
00:24:26.420
not do anything, what are they going to think of their father? And they're
00:24:29.520
going to think this is okay. So I got out. I, you know, that's what I had to
00:24:33.600
say. Uh, I could tell the one dude, you know, in New Jersey people know me. So I
00:24:39.260
think the one guy may have actually recognized me because he was like, oh
00:24:42.140
fuck. The other guy, he still talked, but he talked as he was getting back into
00:24:45.740
his car, you know? And as he came back in his car, my daughter yells out, you
00:24:49.900
know, fat pig. And I was like, she's like, hon, hon. She hears her father
00:24:56.200
sometimes, you know, but you know, in situations like that, if someone didn't
00:25:00.240
see exactly what happened, they can look at me and say, oh, I aggressed
00:25:04.240
somebody when my kids were in the car. When in reality, I was standing up for
00:25:07.380
what I believed and treat people kindly, you know? Right. Well, nice. I respect
00:25:12.200
everyone, you know, but if you are a jerk off, I'm also going to tell you you're a
00:25:16.220
jerk off. That's it. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, I actually watched
00:25:19.880
a video. This must've been last week. I think you reposted it from years ago.
00:25:24.160
You must've been outside of maybe a grocery store or something. And there was
00:25:27.280
a drunk guy. It was a Walmart. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Now that
00:25:31.700
you say that, but yeah, this, this drunk guy comes out and he looks pretty
00:25:34.960
belligerent, but with you just talking with him and trying to deescalate and as
00:25:39.940
opposed to getting in this guy's face, like it actually had, you know, a pretty
00:25:43.440
tender ending, you know, kind of a strange ending that you wouldn't expect, but
00:25:47.140
pretty tender. All the same is pretty interesting.
00:25:48.820
It is, you know, I know everybody is not, uh, I like to say I'm more, I could be
00:25:54.840
more compassionate than most people could be, but at the same time I could be more
00:25:59.580
violent. You know, if that guy was in his twenties and, you know, juiced up and not
00:26:06.700
that drunk and talking that shit, I'd, I had no problem, you know, doing whatever I
00:26:11.240
had to do. And I won't feel bad. I'll, I'll go eat right after I'm done. But if you're like,
00:26:18.200
he was a helpless little man, you know, like he just didn't know what he didn't
00:26:22.040
know. Now the 20 year old moron who's juiced up also doesn't know what he don't
00:26:26.760
know. However, he's, he could put me in on, if he lands a lucky punch, if he hits me,
00:26:31.860
I could be hurt. I'm pretty sure this guy, he could have hit me with all he had and
00:26:36.640
he wouldn't have faced me, you know? And I knew he didn't, I've been in this, not my
00:26:41.280
first rodeo. I saw where his hands are going and he had a GoPro. That's about it. So I
00:26:45.620
was like, all right, he's not reaching for anything. We're good, man. I just got to talk
00:26:48.980
this guy down, you know? And when I grabbed him, I made sure I grabbed him really, really
00:26:52.700
firmly. So he realized, and I think that's when he got really, really nice. When I put
00:26:58.320
hands on his wrist, you know? And, uh, yeah, I'd always rather a peaceful endings, you
00:27:02.980
know? I don't, I don't want problems, man. Well, I also think too, though, your, I wouldn't
00:27:08.860
say propensity necessarily for violence, but your capability, that's, that's a better way
00:27:12.540
to say it. Your capability to administer violence as needed is actually what allows you to be
00:27:18.200
compassionate because without the ability to defend yourself and put people in, in, you
00:27:24.200
know, dangerous situations, you know, you, you, you can't have the space to exhibit some
00:27:30.120
level of, of, of empathy and compassion for people. You're just, you're incapable of,
00:27:36.060
of doing it, right? So it's the ability to be violent that gives you the margin in the
00:27:40.940
room to not exhibit it. Plus you also know the, the ramifications of it, right? Like
00:27:49.120
A hundred percent, man. I think a lot of these times you see these videos of, you know, people
00:27:52.920
getting knocked out and people continue to hit the person when they're knocked out. I think
00:27:57.560
they're hitting the person when they're knocked out 99% of these people, because they're so
00:28:01.000
scared that that person will get back up, you know? So they go to the extreme. And yeah,
00:28:06.980
I understand fully that if, if I heard somebody, I got to stand before a judge and the lawyer
00:28:13.400
fees and I'll get hammered. You know what I mean? They'll pull up all my social media shit,
00:28:17.840
talking posts, everything, you know, it's going to be a headache. And another thing I understand
00:28:23.240
is I have some friends that, you know, they don't know how to fight like me. They're not
00:28:27.820
trained professionals. However, they do know how to, you know, take a club and hit people over
00:28:35.460
the face with it. So I understand that I pull out a gun and shoot somebody. That's the thing. So I'm
00:28:40.680
not naive to the fact that I could lose out there. You know, that's why I would be like,
00:28:45.460
if I bump somebody, it's funny because I don't really have problems when I go, like when I'm in
00:28:51.120
Costa Rica, I always use this as an example. I see who's who out there. We're in a different
00:28:56.220
place. And I remember I was there like a year ago. This dude is, I think he was from Canada.
00:29:02.760
He's a white boy. You know, you could tell he was a little rich. He got his whole face exploded,
00:29:07.260
you know, because people go to different places. They walk around like they own the place. And I
00:29:13.120
tell my friends, I said, listen, we go here. You respect everybody from the bartenders to the
00:29:18.640
waitresses because you don't know. Well, first of all, just be nice, but you don't know
00:29:22.040
who's who, who knows who, who's what. So I find everybody nods at me. They smile,
00:29:28.940
even the toughest looking dudes, you know, because they know I'm not looking for trouble,
00:29:32.020
you know, and I'm not. And the thing is though, too, they also know that there's a ton of other
00:29:38.060
people that if they wanted trouble, they could find an easier target than me. Right. So it all,
00:29:43.480
everything, everything falls into place. It's a puzzle. You just got to play it.
00:29:48.540
All right, guys, I got to step away from the conversation very, very quickly. I want to make
00:29:51.660
a mention of something. Now I've received dozens, if not hundreds of emails at this point over the
00:29:58.700
past several weeks about when our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council is going to open
00:30:04.160
back up. And I know you guys are anxious. You want to join, you want to band with us. You want to get
00:30:08.660
the tools and the resources. And I'm glad that you do, but I want to make sure that when we do
00:30:13.180
that, we have everything in place to help you maximize your experience and your results inside.
00:30:20.180
So for now, if you want to be notified, when we open the iron council back up,
00:30:24.740
head to order a man.com slash iron council, order a man.com slash iron council. And if in the meantime,
00:30:31.860
you want to do some work so that when you do join us, you are able to make the most of your
00:30:36.380
experience, then you can go to our 30 day battle ready program at order a man.com slash battle
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ready. So those are two resources for you that you can do right now so that when we open back up,
00:30:49.220
you'll be on top of things. Again, it's order a man.com slash iron council and order a man.com
00:30:54.440
slash battle ready. Do that right after the show for now, I'll get back to it with Tom.
00:31:00.720
You bring, you brought up an interesting point about, you know, a lot of guys might say, well,
00:31:04.660
that's, you know, an X factor or something. And like, I don't, I don't think it is. Like,
00:31:08.900
I think you can look at another person and pretty accurately like size that individual up, whether
00:31:14.160
this is somebody you want to mess with or not. So Pete Roberts, a mutual friend, I know, you know,
00:31:18.360
Pete. Um, and he was saying the other day to me, he's like, you know, I can look at somebody and
00:31:23.620
tell really quickly if they train jujitsu. And I was like, well, like, like how he's like, I don't
00:31:29.160
know. I can just tell. And he's not, he's not wrong. Like I, I look, I'm like, oh yeah,
00:31:34.480
that's true. I don't know about jujitsu. Like if I can tell they do jujitsu, but I can tell like
00:31:38.320
if they carry themselves confidently, um, if they're athletic, if they're strong, if they're
00:31:43.400
sure of themselves, yeah, you can tell pretty quickly, like this is somebody who you may want
00:31:47.280
to think twice about messing with. A hundred percent. And the thing is I'm the smallest guy
00:31:51.780
out of all of my friends for the most part. And the ones who are smaller than me are total psychopaths.
00:31:56.560
And it's funny with me, you know, like if it's warm out, I'll wear tank top stuff. And I have
00:32:02.260
scars all over my arms, my everywhere, but yet I'm smiling when I'm walking around. So people are
00:32:08.820
like, wait a second, something, something doesn't fit. Like he's supposed to be acting like he's
00:32:13.480
tough, but I'm not, I'm asking. Yeah. But they know I've been through it. You know what I mean?
00:32:17.780
Like I just didn't wake up this way. I've been through some shit, you know?
00:32:21.280
Yeah. You said that, uh, when you were 13, you, you became,
00:32:26.060
like you, you, you went from maybe more of a passive kid to asshole territory, right? So we
00:32:31.400
have to find that balance. But was there something that happened when you were 13 that caused that
00:32:36.100
transformation? I know earlier you had, you know, you talk about it, you were molested as a young
00:32:40.880
boy and that was earlier than 13. So was there something else that happened in that timeframe or
00:32:45.760
did it all just kind of come to a head at that point? I think I started, you know, I was going
00:32:50.840
through puberty and I started to think I was becoming a man. And my father always told me as
00:32:55.620
radical as our relationship was up and down. He always told me like, have patience, like your
00:33:00.220
time will come, you know? And, uh, I just felt it was my time, you know, certainly 14. Like when I
00:33:07.700
was 14, I was like, all right. And I wasn't ready for what I thought I was ready for. Uh, but I thought
00:33:15.520
I was, you know, and I got into some scraps of some older kids and, you know, I remember
00:33:20.280
one specifically, I, I was 16 and I, and I had a torn ACL. I tore my ACL and I knew I
00:33:27.500
had a torn ACL and I was waiting for surgery. And I got in, like, I knew a guy who was like
00:33:33.920
in his twenties, tough dude. He was known for being tough. We were fooling around wrestling.
00:33:38.240
He was drunk and out of nowhere, he hit me. And I was like, and it got broken up right
00:33:43.460
away. And my eyes swelled. And the next day it was a 4th of July party at my neighbor's
00:33:47.940
house. And he was going to be there. And I was definitely afraid of like having to fight
00:33:53.600
this dude, but I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without approaching him, you
00:33:57.940
know? So I went up to him. I'm like, listen, let's, let's do it. Like, let's finish what
00:34:02.160
we started. And I was hoping that he didn't want to do it, you know?
00:34:07.640
And I could tell at that time, he just was like, no, it's not like he knew he was,
00:34:13.460
he was wrong. He didn't want to kill me. And he knew I was just, you know, I was trying
00:34:18.760
to be a man, you know? And then I remember another time right after my surgery, when I
00:34:24.780
was, I, I turned 17 shortly after that, when I was driving and I was with my girlfriend
00:34:30.860
and I, I guess I cut off a guy on a motorcycle or something. He flipped me off. I flipped him
00:34:36.600
off. He came right back around. I was like, fuck, came up to the car. That was another instance
00:34:42.520
to where I didn't back down, but I was literally praying to God. And I think he saw my eyes
00:34:48.020
and like, I wasn't a, I wasn't a bad kid, but I didn't want to be a pussy, but he also
00:34:53.340
let me off the hook. So that was two times I was let off the hook. And after that, I said,
00:34:57.980
you know what, man, like talk a little less, you know, carry yourself strong, but, but don't
00:35:04.700
get yourself into some shit. You're not ready to. So I kind of laid low for, for like probably
00:35:09.740
two years after that, until I really felt like I was really, really ready. So I went
00:35:13.200
like, I'm being like a scared little kid to thinking I was a tough ass to realize that
00:35:18.520
I wasn't to actually becoming pretty tough, you know? So it was like stages, you know,
00:35:24.120
it was interesting, but at nine years old, actually my bully, I, I, I hit him with a rock
00:35:29.400
in his ear and I exploded his ear. Uh, so I had it in me, but I just, I was still doing things
00:35:36.600
out of fear rather than out of confidence. You know, that's what the problem was.
00:35:42.300
I think, you know, when we were going back to what you were talking about with, with
00:35:46.020
regards to where some of the hate might come from, is I think from the outside looking in,
00:35:49.860
people might look at you and think you're an angry person. You know, I don't know if you
00:35:53.700
feel that way about yourself, um, or, or, or not. I'd be really curious to your take on
00:36:00.060
that. Um, whether, whether you feel like you are angry or you were angry and you found ways
00:36:05.440
to overcome it, like what's your, what's your take on that? Well, I will say I never
00:36:09.560
picked on anyone. I never bullied, uh, anyone. And I have, I've always had really good relationships
00:36:15.860
with the kids in high school. Like I was always a popular kid and the kids in high school that
00:36:18.920
weren't very popular. I always was there like a protector, so to speak. You know, I believe I am
00:36:26.020
angry to assholes. Like if you're a bully, like there's, I remember a time in high school,
00:36:32.280
like I saw this kid bullying another kid in the hallway and they were, he was just always,
00:36:37.020
this one dude was always fucking with everybody, you know? And I came up and I open hand slapped
00:36:42.760
him as hard as I could, you know? And nothing, I, of course, didn't do shit about it. So in that
00:36:47.140
sense, I was angry watching him be such a dickhead. I get angry sometimes when people are morons online,
00:36:54.780
you know, I get angry with the state of the world, but overall I am, uh, I'm pretty, I'm softer than
00:37:02.940
I am angry. Like I'm not, uh, I don't walk around angry. Like when I'm out, like I'm not, I don't have
00:37:09.280
a scowl. Like I'm opening doors for men. I'm smiling when I make eye contact. Like, uh, I think when
00:37:15.620
people meet me, they're surprised because I also think I just have a look that I kind of look like,
00:37:22.600
like a serious guy. Like I look like a dickhead, you know, when people meet me, like they see that
00:37:28.200
I'm like really not, I'm really kind. I'm really nice. Like I don't throw weight around. I don't
00:37:32.460
act like I'm tough, but there's time, like for sure. Like when people like, you know, when they give me a
00:37:39.240
reason, like I'm always quit. Like I go from zero to a hundred really, really fast. You know, like it
00:37:45.260
doesn't take much to get me going. Uh, but no, I, I, I'm not angry. There's been times in my life
00:37:51.940
where I've had resentment and I've had anger, I guess, about how some things were. But when I look
00:37:59.160
at my life, like I'm, I'm lucky, man. Like I'm blessed. Like I'm, I'm thankful my kids. I mean,
00:38:05.440
I'm soft with my, I'm too soft a little bit, you know? So it's like, I'm probably not your daughter
00:38:10.120
more than your son too. Right. You know, well, you know, it's funny. It's actually my son because he's
00:38:14.720
the little guy and he's, you know, I see so much of me in him. And like right now, like
00:38:20.440
he has, you know, he's a tough little kid, but he's just so pure. He's so kind. Like
00:38:24.080
he's not, he doesn't understand, you know, you know, our kids, I mean, your son, you know,
00:38:29.340
he's growing. How old is he? 13. My oldest is 13. Yeah. So he's starting to understand.
00:38:34.560
He's starting to become a young man, you know, but like, I almost like, I love my son at this
00:38:39.580
age, but I almost can't wait until he's a little older. So I, I know he could understand
00:38:45.760
things a little more, the evils of this world. And I think for me, I've seen some terrible
00:38:52.400
shit, you know, to where people have seen the same things I've seen, they would understand
00:38:59.140
why I am the way, you know? And for me, when, when people talk out of, when, when people think
00:39:05.240
they're smart, yet they're totally ignorant, that pisses me off. You know, like I remember
00:39:12.240
these, uh, I had a friend, I have some friends that live in North. They're, uh, they're, they're
00:39:18.800
Latin Kings. Right. I don't want to say friends, acquaintances. I know all my growth of them.
00:39:22.200
I don't hang out with them at all. And during the protests, there was these, these white kids
00:39:29.460
that went through there and they started trying to ride and loot and ruin things in North.
00:39:35.220
And they were, they were doing it for, in their minds, they thought for, you know, against
00:39:41.460
racism. Right. You know, and they beat these kids, man, like half to death, you know? So
00:39:49.380
these kids, these young, you know, middle-class suburban white kids walk into a place where
00:39:58.200
they're not welcome yet. They think they're doing good for these people end up getting
00:40:04.860
beat half to death. Like that's the shit that drives me nuts. When people think they know what
00:40:09.940
they're talking about to where, no, you don't, you just don't get this world, you know? And if you
00:40:15.560
want to make changes, you have to do so in a, in a strategic way, you know? So I think ignorance
00:40:22.560
makes me angry for sure. Absolutely. Yeah. How, how, how is some of the stuff that's happened in,
00:40:29.080
in your childhood with, you know, being molested? I hate to keep bringing that up, but that's a,
00:40:33.020
that's an important part. And I know that there's a lot of men who have had a similar experience and
00:40:39.260
still, you know, really wrestle with that. Um, also having some strains within the relationship
00:40:45.720
with your father, obviously that, that was the good relationship. Ultimately, it sounds like
00:40:50.520
based on what I've seen and read, but you know, there's some real strains there. So how, how do
00:40:54.680
you take those experiences that I think most people objectively would say that's a negative
00:40:59.860
experience? And have you, do you feel like you've been able to use it for the betterment of yourself
00:41:05.280
and other people? And if so, how have you done that? So when I, when I say this, it'll probably get
00:41:09.660
twisted by some jerk off saying that I'm comparing myself to Jesus, but I'm not, I think in order to
00:41:16.720
truly help people, you must suffer because if we don't suffer, if we don't feel pain, how do we
00:41:23.740
understand other people's pain? You know? So whether people believe in this man or not, whether they
00:41:28.200
believe he was a son of God or not, there was a man named Jesus. He was brutally murdered. He was
00:41:32.900
beaten. He was spit on. I mean, he was, they fucked him up. Like people have no idea, you know? I mean,
00:41:38.680
does he got to watch somebody get their face beat in and see what he went through. And not one time,
00:41:44.040
not only one time did he ask, why is this happening to me? But he took it. He took every bit of it and
00:41:50.940
his death brought millions upon millions of people hope. Right. So for me, I don't think I was put on
00:42:00.500
this earth to feel like, I mean, I am happy, but I don't think that was my purpose to live a happy
00:42:07.720
life. I don't think my purpose was to find love. I found love through my, my children. I think my
00:42:13.340
purpose is to serve. And I think my purpose is to by any means necessary. And I'm, there's something
00:42:21.960
wrong with me for sure. Like there's, I'm not a hundred percent normal in my head. Like I have
00:42:27.860
some, I'm, I know I'm fucked up and I could look in the mirror and I I'm very smart in the fact that
00:42:35.580
I could dissect things, people and myself, but I also know that for sure. Like I'm always,
00:42:41.180
if it wasn't for my kids, God knows where I would be, you know? So I, what do you, what do you mean
00:42:48.260
when you say, I know I'm, I know I'm not right. Like, I know I'm messed up in the head. Like,
00:42:52.260
what do you mean by that? Um, you know, I, when I was 20 years old, you know, I read about it in my
00:42:57.540
book, I was looking for, you know, I had a rope that I bought. I was going to hang myself with that
00:43:02.020
rope. Like for me, and it's hard for people to understand, like, I'm not depressed at all,
00:43:06.940
but I do believe I'll, I will be in total peace when all is said and done when I'm dead, you know,
00:43:13.460
because even having kids, I mean, how could we sleep when our kids are not, unless our kids are right
00:43:20.020
by our side, you know, we can prepare our children as much as we want, but yet our kids are out there
00:43:24.820
driving. There's drunk drivers out there. Like it's scary. You know, I fear every day, you know?
00:43:30.800
So for me, I'm never, even though things are good in my life financially, this now, like I still,
00:43:35.160
now I have the fear for my kids and are they going to be okay? You know? So I feel, and in my mind,
00:43:41.900
I don't really, I don't think I enjoy living for me. I enjoy living for other people. And while I,
00:43:49.540
when I say that, I'm not depressed, like I would never commit suicide or anything like that. Like
00:43:53.800
I'm not, it's not who I am, you know? Especially with kids, like I kid, I would never, you know,
00:43:59.240
but at the same time, I do understand my way of thinking is much different than other people's
00:44:05.440
ways of thinking. Like I do enjoy the feeling of pain and stuff like that. Like, did you ever see
00:44:12.260
Da Vinci code? Yeah, sure. You see when the guy, the crazy guy was whipping himself over and over,
00:44:19.220
like, yeah, I'm not saying that's what I do, but I like that shit. You know what I mean? Like I,
00:44:24.420
I like, like when my father died, when he was dying, when he was in hospice, you know, like I, I,
00:44:31.080
I rebranded my, my, my cross. Like I wanted to, I wanted to feel it was important that I felt
00:44:39.240
physical pain, you know? So I know that's not normal per se, I guess, but at the same time,
00:44:44.320
I know it's, there's always a limit that I have. Like I'm not stupid about things, but I also know
00:44:51.480
that I see things and believe in things that most people don't, you know? What does, what does that
00:44:56.440
physical pain do for you? You know, what, what, what does it bring you? What purpose does it serve
00:45:01.620
for you? Very similar to jujitsu. Like when you're on the mats and you're just dying of exhaustion, you
00:45:08.400
can't go anymore, but you just keep fighting and keep fighting that, like that feeling of like
00:45:13.660
almost like helplessness when you're so tired, but you can't do anything to stop that physical pain.
00:45:19.480
Right. It calms me when it's done. I could breathe when it's done. I'm like, I feel better. You know,
00:45:26.460
it's like, it's almost like a teapot, you know? And that's what I am sometimes, you know, not an angry
00:45:32.780
teapot, not an over an emotional teapot. I don't know what the emotion is within me. I'm not, I
00:45:38.860
never take my emotion out on other people. I'm never unpleasant to people around me. Uh, I'm always
00:45:44.280
kind to people around me. I don't have displaced anger, but I guess it's internal. But when I get
00:45:50.140
to feel some kind of physical pain, it's like a release of, uh, I can breathe. That's the only way
00:45:57.440
I can, I can describe it. I could take a deep breath, you know? Yeah. No, it's interesting.
00:46:04.160
It's, it's interesting. I mean, I, I feel, I don't know that I feel that to the degree you're
00:46:07.880
talking about, but I certainly feel that I was telling my guys earlier today, we were on a call
00:46:12.240
and I feel like I always have a little low level of pain everywhere or somewhere on my body,
00:46:19.300
you know, whether it's like my fingers don't work the way they should, or like my neck this morning
00:46:25.360
when I was training, it was really weird. I don't know, even know how I got into the position,
00:46:29.380
but my neck kind of like got smashed up against the guy's back and he rolled and I stayed with him
00:46:34.740
because I didn't want to let him go. And he, I should have probably let go. And he rolled and I
00:46:39.060
was like, Oh damn, I should have let go. Um, but I like it though. I'm like, cool. My fingers hurt
00:46:48.160
or my neck is a little kink today. And I'm like, I like that to me. I think that means that I actually
00:46:54.060
went and did something. If I felt good everywhere, a hundred percent of the time, like what the hell
00:46:58.800
have I been doing today? Nothing sitting around watching shows, jerking off, whatever. Like
00:47:03.160
this is not how we're supposed to live. That's the important you say that. Cause I say every day I
00:47:08.100
wake up, I'm reminded of like the life that I chose. Right. So I didn't get surgery on it,
00:47:12.560
but I have a torn labrum and I have a torn rotator cuff. My shoulders in the middle of the night,
00:47:16.600
they often dislocate to where I have to put them back in. Yeah. Torn ACL, LCL meniscus,
00:47:24.560
torn meniscus, broken nose, three times, five concussions, broken hand, three times,
00:47:29.960
broken ankle, hamstring ripped, ripped off my butt bone. I wake up and I feel I'm, I'm hurting,
00:47:36.840
you know? Uh, but I'm thankful for this. And I think for me, like I have a slipped disc in my back,
00:47:43.680
so I couldn't train for a long time. That's when like, I like the brandings and shit like that.
00:47:48.880
Like I have to be feeling something, you know? And I promise like, I'm not, I'm not a, like you
00:47:56.620
said, I'm just a little bit more extreme maybe than other people, but I don't bring that shit to
00:48:00.620
other people. You know, I'm, I'm weird, competitive. Like I'll, like I'll make, I've made like jokes
00:48:07.440
before about like, all right, I'd guarantee you, I could put this, I could, I could heat this knife.
00:48:12.600
I could put it in my skin and if I flinch, I lose. You know what I mean? And that shit to me is,
00:48:18.800
it's fun, you know? But I mean, it's not, it shouldn't be fun. It's weird. And I understand that
00:48:23.720
it's weird. You know what I mean? But like, I think, you know, a lot of my friends that I came up
00:48:29.120
with, uh, I was talking about this, my friends, my friend, Matt, the other day, he was over like,
00:48:34.280
we didn't grow up in the ghetto by any means, like at all, but where we grew up, it's different,
00:48:37.880
man. It's weird. Like a lot of our friends have died of overdoses. One of our best friends was murdered.
00:48:42.600
Um, and a lot of people just didn't end up in great spots, you know? So overall, as crazy as I
00:48:49.300
am, like we made it, we're, we're doing, I'm doing okay. You know, like life is very comfortable,
00:48:55.140
uh, except for the fact that I have children and I have to worry about them every day,
00:49:00.800
you know? But I mean, it is interesting that someone is, uh, I guess weird as me could have,
00:49:08.820
you know, reach the success that I have. But I think that's why a lot of people like me because
00:49:13.380
they look at me and they're like, Oh man, like I'm fucked up. So is he, you know? Yeah. He's just
00:49:18.300
relatable. Then I'm very confident. Like I'll, I, yeah, I cry. Like I don't give a shit. I'll say
00:49:23.580
I cry. Like it doesn't mean nothing to me. You know, I never will cry from pain ever physical pain
00:49:27.920
ever, ever, ever. When I tore my, even like when I tore my, my bicep off the bone, I, uh, I don't
00:49:34.000
even react when I get physically hurt. Like I was just like, Oh, like what's wrong? I was like,
00:49:38.240
I just ripped my bicep. I don't react from physical pain, but emotional pain. Like I'm not that guy
00:49:43.980
that like my grandfather never cried. That's not me, man. Like I'm like a little bitch. Like I cry
00:49:48.960
easy. I can watch a movie and cry, you know, like for sure. You know? Uh, but you know,
00:49:56.200
at the end of the day, I do what I have to do, man. You know, I get shit done. I don't let
00:50:00.360
anything hold me back from, uh, working from doing what we have to. So, so, so with, with your,
00:50:08.600
with your background and something you just said led me to something, um, where, you know,
00:50:14.020
you had this upbringing and you said, you know, it was a challenge and you've seen some crazy stuff
00:50:17.640
and you've done some crazy things and you know, we've made it is what you said. Do you ever feel
00:50:22.180
like, or run across situations where you feel like you don't, you don't deserve it
00:50:26.020
or you're not worthy of what you have, or are you comfortable in that? Are you secure in that?
00:50:31.720
What does that look like? That's interesting. I think I deserve some things, you know, I don't
00:50:38.160
get too close to anybody. That's one thing. And maybe that's something I feel undeserving. I don't
00:50:43.360
know. Uh, I believe I deserve all the monetary success that I have. I believe I deserve all the
00:50:48.100
notoriety that I have. Um, and I truly believe in my intentions of doing the right thing and never
00:50:54.260
selling my soul, you know? Uh, but I don't know how to really get super, super close to anyone.
00:51:01.840
And maybe that's because deep down, I don't think I deserve it. I don't know. I would have
00:51:06.400
to really like sit with the therapist and be like, what's wrong with me? You know, but I'm also okay
00:51:12.620
with you. Like, I'm not lonely, you know, like, uh, you know, my ex-wife and I, we get along,
00:51:20.420
we co-parent, we do things with our children together, you know? Uh, she's, you know, most
00:51:28.940
of the time we're friendly. Uh, I have no problems, you know? And I just feel like, you know, I was
00:51:35.900
meant to have kids. I don't know what else I was meant to have or feel. I don't know. It's an
00:51:43.300
interesting thing. I'll do some real, real deep soul searching for sure. Yeah. I mean,
00:51:47.540
I asked that because I know a lot of guys come from some, some crazy backgrounds and have some
00:51:52.600
even horrific experiences. And then they achieve some level of success in their life on a different
00:51:58.480
front. And, and they just, they struggle with like feeling worthy of it. And, and what I've seen a
00:52:04.440
lot of guys actually do is they sabotage themselves even maybe subconsciously because of it. Like,
00:52:09.080
I don't deserve this. So they started doing some dumb shit and then, you know, they sabotage
00:52:13.160
themselves and lose everything they've worked so hard to have in their lives. We see it all the time,
00:52:17.620
right? We see it with these professional athletes or a bunch of more. Yeah. Good point. I think,
00:52:22.060
I think we're seeing it. Sorry, Gordon. I love him like a brother. I think we see it with Gordon.
00:52:26.320
I don't know what the fuck he's thinking. Sometimes he has the world by the balls yet he will,
00:52:33.880
eventually go one step too far. And he's not a bad guy, but he, he said bad shit, you know?
00:52:41.180
And it's another thing, like I was talking to my buddy, uh, Mitch, uh, the owner of, uh,
00:52:46.520
M a M a S F the former Navy seal. Like he has a social media deleted three times,
00:52:52.180
you know? And I said, Mitch, I understand standing up for what you believe in and never backing down.
00:52:57.780
You're not going to win against Instagram. You have to be strategic. Like you can't just go
00:53:03.500
remember Ian, uh, Ian Smith from, uh, Tim's gym. Sure. Yeah. He's gone. He is not on social media
00:53:10.560
anymore. And guess what? Out of sight, out of mind, you will be forgotten about if your voice
00:53:15.520
isn't heard. And what I try to tell people is what you just said. When people self-sabotage,
00:53:20.060
that's something I'll never do now behind closed doors. And I'm alone. It could be a different,
00:53:26.020
it could be a different world. Yeah. Who knows what I'm thinking when I'm staying to myself or what I'm
00:53:31.280
doing. But for the world to see, I'm never so naive to put myself in positions to where
00:53:37.480
I am going to give the people who hate me, the satisfaction of saying, ah, there you go.
00:53:45.620
He fucked up. Never will that happen. Never. And I don't know. Like I try to tell Gordon,
00:53:51.740
like bro, like you got to play the game a little bit better. It's not that you're fake,
00:53:55.520
but if your goal is, and this is not him per se, like I would tell Mitch, if your goal is to change
00:54:01.200
the world and make a change, getting completely kicked off, kicked off social media, isn't the
00:54:06.400
way they don't want to play their game. You have to play the game of the people who are currently in
00:54:11.560
control until you take over control. Once you take over control, you can do whatever the fuck you
00:54:16.700
want. But guess what? Until you do that, you must stay smart. You know, that's it. If you want to be
00:54:22.900
the king, you can't look at that king in front of all of his knights and then say, Hey, fuck you.
00:54:28.420
I want to be the king. You're going to get, you're going to get your head chopped off. Right. But if
00:54:31.600
you, I mean, you're going to make yourself a martyr for sure. Exactly. If you do things smart,
00:54:36.820
if you're strategic, you know, I think everything we have to, everything we do, we have to be
00:54:42.060
strategic here. And that doesn't make us fake. It makes us smart. You know, every battle is one in
00:54:46.900
the mind, you know, it's not one with our mouth, you know? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. Well,
00:54:52.700
you know, one of the things that I see you using your social media for, so it actually surprises
00:54:57.440
me when you say you can't get close to people is man, I see the way that you treat your athletes
00:55:04.320
and your students. And like, you're, you're a big, you're obviously you're a huge fan of them.
00:55:09.260
You're their coach, but you're a big supporter of what they're doing. And you put that stuff on
00:55:12.800
social media. And I'm like, man, this is really cool to see the relationship that you have with,
00:55:17.360
with your people, man. That's awesome. It surprised me that you say you can't get close. Cause it seems
00:55:21.220
like there's a level of closeness and connection with those athletes and students that you have.
00:55:26.560
There is. And I will give, I guess I allow them to get close to me, but I don't necessarily allow
00:55:34.040
myself to just totally be vulnerable with them because, you know, people do some unthinkable
00:55:42.640
shit. You know, I mean, look what just happened with Danaher and them, you know, their whole team
00:55:47.720
just split, you know, Danaher gave his heart and soul to how many of his students. And now they're
00:55:52.900
gone. Now I'm not saying who was right and who was wrong. I don't know. But at the end of the day,
00:55:56.760
that has to hurt John, you know? So for me, I know I constantly have to, every day I wake up,
00:56:03.300
I do realize in any relationship that I have, I have to work for it. I never show up to my academy
00:56:08.160
and think I just deserve my students' respect and their loyalty. I give them all of me every day,
00:56:13.460
that I guess a part of me still doesn't trust anyone. You know, like I, I'm never surprised
00:56:21.860
by the terrible shit people could do. You know, I have been betrayed before in my life, for sure.
00:56:26.960
You know, I, I've, I've been lied to and, and I just understand that, you know, you can't believe,
00:56:35.120
well, what did I say? Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see.
00:56:38.680
You know, it's like, I guess that's probably the way I was raised. A lot of broken promises,
00:56:44.100
a lot of lies, uh, uh, a lot of just people not holding true to their work. You know? So for me,
00:56:51.120
it's like, I don't even listen to shit anymore. I, you got to prove it to me, you know? So I w it
00:56:56.140
won't affect me of how giving I am to somebody, but just in my mind, there's a wall. It's like,
00:57:04.100
you know, I'll let them like, if I can compare it to like, uh, a visual, I'll let people come and
00:57:11.780
put their arms around me and hug me, but I'll only get too close to you. I'm not hugging you.
00:57:16.680
You know what I mean? Like I'll give you all that I know, but I'm still not expecting much from them.
00:57:23.080
You know? So I, uh, I guess that's what it is. And not that I walk around just as a total boner,
00:57:29.480
you know, I have like some really great people in my life. My friends are incredible. They built
00:57:34.280
a house for me in like six months. Like they're just, yeah, they're awesome, man. You know? And it's
00:57:40.280
like, I, I, I guess a part of it is just, it's not a part of it. The entirety is me protecting myself.
00:57:49.380
I guess that's what it is. You know, where does your, uh, where does your, your, I don't know if it's
00:57:55.220
passion or what it is, but at least your desire, where does your desire to serve other people come
00:58:00.540
from? Cause I know you do a lot of good in your community. I know you're, you're, you're coaching
00:58:03.940
these, your, your students and you're helping them not only with jujitsu, but I think that's just an
00:58:08.700
analogy or a metaphor for life. Right. So where, where do you derive that from? And, and, and how do you
00:58:13.800
see your role in, in those people's lives? I think that just comes down to me thinking that's what
00:58:19.980
I'm supposed to do. I think that's just, you know, like it's just something I should be doing,
00:58:26.540
you know? And one thing I learned is that you could give, give, give, and the same people you
00:58:30.560
give deals to, and you help and you donate to, uh, you know, if you're in a tough spot,
00:58:34.860
you can't expect them to do the same. You know what I mean? Like, uh, and that's not why you're
00:58:39.220
doing it though. You're doing it. So I guess a part of me, it does it to make the big man upstairs
00:58:45.180
happy. You know, uh, I got to find my way into heaven somehow. So I think I just truly enjoy
00:58:51.800
and I enjoy the joy that it brings people when you do good for them. You know, I think that's
00:58:58.020
like the young Tom, like when I was a young boy, I was just a, I didn't have a mean bone
00:59:03.040
in my body. I was a nice, sweet kid. You know, I remember getting punched in my face and shit.
00:59:09.680
And I never, ever like used to hit people back. Like I would just be like, I don't understand
00:59:16.160
why they were so mean to me, you know? And I think it, part of me is still that, that kid
00:59:21.960
that just would want to give, you know, but then it's also, you ever see the movie Primal
00:59:26.980
Fear with, uh, Ed Norton? Yeah, for sure. That, that is such a perfect example of me and he
00:59:35.500
had split personalities, you know, like the stuttering kid and then the animal killer,
00:59:41.460
but it turns out that he was an animal killer the whole time. However, I still believe at
00:59:46.620
one time in his life, he was most likely that stuttering kid, you know? And, uh, yeah, I
00:59:52.480
am two different extremes, you know, but I believe the real me is the one who likes to
00:59:56.980
give and see people happy for sure. What are, what are some of your goals moving forward?
01:00:01.800
You know, you talk about with, with, with your body, obviously, you know, the ability
01:00:05.520
to compete and do stuff like that changes. And it has over the past five, six years,
01:00:09.040
obviously for you, but what, what are your goals and desires and ambitions for what you
01:00:13.700
have personally going on in your life moving forward?
01:00:16.540
I want to keep growing my brand. Uh, the more I grow, the more people I could help. Like
01:00:22.460
you said today, you know, you want to touch lives, right? And I want to do the same.
01:00:26.900
I don't know what you said today or in one of your other posts where you had like a negative
01:00:29.740
comment, you're like, your negativity is not going to bring me down. You know what
01:00:33.220
I mean? Uh, I want to keep inspiring. I want to publish more books. Uh, I want to
01:00:39.260
keep growing my academy, keep building my affiliation. And most of all, I just want
01:00:43.880
to be a good father to my kids. That's the most important thing to me is raising my
01:00:48.120
children to be not only successful, but to be happy and to be thankful. And when they
01:00:54.200
grow old, like, you know, it's funny. I caught myself the other day. I was feeling a
01:00:59.480
little distant from my daughter and I'm like, man, what's going on? Like I was
01:01:03.880
starting to feel really bad. I'm really sensitive when it comes to my kids. And I
01:01:06.520
was like, I feel she's just like, she's not into her dad anymore. Like she's 10.
01:01:10.940
What the hell is going on? But I also notice a lot of the time when she's around, I'm
01:01:16.600
doing business on my phone. I'm talking about my NFTs. I'm doing certain this, I'm
01:01:21.000
doing that. And every time I pick up from school, we have 30 minutes in the car alone
01:01:24.920
before her brother gets in the car. And I say, you know what I'm going to do? I'm
01:01:29.720
going to, my phone is going down when she gets in the car. Cause we're usually just
01:01:33.240
both on the phones and sure enough. And this week we connected and we talked and
01:01:38.580
we laughed and we, everything was so great, you know? And then like, I make time
01:01:44.860
every night, whether she wants to or not, like, Hey, come hang out with your brother
01:01:47.780
and I, and then when she gets there, I just don't say, come hang out and then go on my
01:01:50.820
phone. Like, no, like I'm playing games that I'm talking to around. And that's
01:01:55.580
the things that are important to me. You know, like how could we become better
01:02:00.260
people overall? And a lot of times, you know, we look at the other person as the
01:02:05.140
problem. Like at first I was thinking she was the issue. Like, no man, I was the
01:02:08.680
issue. You know, I was the issue. And it's so funny. I saw something on NBC today
01:02:14.940
published and it said, parents who, you know, sacrifice their work for their children are
01:02:22.720
seeing their work being drastically hurt. I'm like, Holy shit. Like you're really
01:02:28.200
publishing that. If you sacrifice your time for your kids, you're going to suffer. But
01:02:33.060
that's what I feel society wants nowadays. I want to rip families apart. They want to,
01:02:39.340
it's just the way people think. And it's crazy to me. So for me, I want to keep that
01:02:44.940
closeness as for as long as I could, you know, and that's most important to me to
01:02:48.960
build my brand and everything, as long as it's not sacrificing any time with my
01:02:54.040
children. And if it sacrifices like here and there, I get it. I'm trying to build a
01:02:59.380
better life for them, but it just can't be all the time, you know?
01:03:03.560
Right. Right. Well, right on brother. Well, let me know what I can do to serve you and
01:03:07.700
to help you, man. Cause I'm all about it. I've been inspired by what you do and to see
01:03:11.040
how you've grown everything and how you've taken your life and inspired other
01:03:14.300
people. Um, tell, tell everybody where to connect with you on social, um, to pick up
01:03:19.560
a copy of your book, wherever you want them to go, tell them where to go.
01:03:22.820
Uh, my book, you can just type in Tom, the blast on Amazon, um, social media is, uh,
01:03:28.320
Instagram. And then real quick with these NFTs of people that understand, they're like,
01:03:32.160
Oh, what are these NFTs? I didn't know much about them. It's basically original digital,
01:03:36.420
original digital art, right? That you could be owner to. So we were selling mine for 2000.
01:03:43.280
Oh man, you're selling digital art for $2,000. But with that, we're on a discord site to where
01:03:50.560
I'm talking personally to everyone who buys one. Right. So for me, I'm really big on
01:03:54.960
supporting the people who support me. So I want to keep growing the NFT project as well,
01:04:00.020
because for my own selfish reasons, the people who buy into it, I truly believe that they must
01:04:05.500
have something to offer because they're smart enough to understand that they're not just
01:04:08.860
buying a picture, you know? So people with an open mind who want to learn, um,
01:04:13.280
I also want to learn from, you know, so I also just want to keep learning and
01:04:17.260
keep, keep coming better. And you too, man, keep up the great work. I'm, I'm definitely
01:04:20.880
clapping from you for you from afar for sure. Anything you need, let me know.
01:04:29.340
All right, you guys, there you go. My conversation with the one and only Tom to blast. I hope you
01:04:33.640
enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Uh, make sure to pick up a copy of his book.
01:04:38.920
It's called how you bear it triumph and resilience in life. And he goes through a lot of his own
01:04:44.840
personal life experiences and how he struggled with those things, but how he's overcome them and
01:04:50.260
how he's used martial arts to do that. And it's very enlightening. I think it's really going to
01:04:54.000
help you on your own personal journey to improve your life and the lives of the people that you care
01:04:58.860
about. Please do that. Connect with him on the socials, connect with me on the socials. I said earlier,
01:05:04.340
take a chance to leave a rating and review. It only takes you a minute, literally a minute.
01:05:09.700
Just go in there. If you've listened for a long period of time and you're wondering,
01:05:13.480
Hmm, gee, how can I give back to Ryan? This is a really easy, cheap, free way to do it.
01:05:19.620
Leave a rating and review. Let people know that you think five stars of what we're doing right here.
01:05:24.800
And let's blow this thing up. That's a small part of what needs to be done, but it is a part
01:05:29.180
nonetheless. Also check out the iron council order of man.com slash iron council. Check out
01:05:34.560
our battle ready program at battle ready.com. And I think that's it. So you've got your marching
01:05:40.740
orders rating and review iron council battle ready. We'll be back tomorrow for our ask him anything,
01:05:48.260
but until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
01:05:53.320
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
01:05:57.580
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.