Order of Man - November 08, 2024


"Toxic Masculinity" Stereotypes ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Length

32 minutes

Words per minute

159.40327

Word count

5,250

Sentence count

427

Harmful content

Misogyny

9

sentences flagged

Hate speech

5

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I discuss toxic masculinity and why it s important to talk about it. I discuss the American Psychological Association's 2019 study that argues that masculinity is inherently toxic and dangerous to our young boys. I also discuss why toxic masculinity is a problem and how we can combat it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 When you see something wrong, you better aggressively stand up against that bullshit.
00:00:04.080 When you see somebody doing something to somebody else that they shouldn't be doing,
00:00:08.360 you should be capable and willing of being aggressive in your response to subdue a threat
00:00:15.120 and make the world a better place.
00:00:17.140 It's about being righteous.
00:00:19.220 I would argue that unrighteous aggressiveness could potentially be toxic,
00:00:23.960 but the American Psychological Association doesn't make the distinction.
00:00:27.160 They just say aggressiveness is toxic.
00:00:31.680 You're a man of action.
00:00:33.380 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:37.760 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:42.200 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, or strong.
00:00:47.280 This is your life.
00:00:48.340 This is who you are.
00:00:49.780 This is who you will become.
00:00:51.100 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:57.160 Men, I think it's time that we start talking about toxic masculinity.
00:01:01.420 And I want to be very clear.
00:01:02.860 It's not because I believe that toxic masculinity is worthy of talking about.
00:01:07.540 It's because so many people do believe that it's worthy of talking about.
00:01:11.940 I want to be very clear when I say this that I don't believe masculinity is toxic.
00:01:17.000 Now, inevitably, when we talk about masculinity, I met with a certain group of people who will say,
00:01:21.660 well, Ryan, nobody's saying that all masculinity is toxic.
00:01:25.620 What we're saying is that there's attributes or characteristics or behaviors of men that could potentially be toxic.
00:01:32.260 And I can certainly agree with that.
00:01:34.100 But I don't think that masculinity in and of itself is inherently toxic.
00:01:38.620 And some people say nobody means that.
00:01:40.160 Well, that's not true.
00:01:40.960 There was a study done, study, I'm using that term loosely, by the American Psychological Association in 2019 that says that masculinity or, more specifically, the characteristics generally associated with masculinity, dominance, competitiveness, aggression, and stoicism, are inherently toxic and dangerous to our young boys.
00:02:04.460 So you can't tell me that nobody believes that masculinity in and of itself is inherently toxic.
00:02:11.580 We see this permeated throughout all of society.
00:02:14.760 Men are evil.
00:02:15.900 Men are horrible.
00:02:16.920 Masculinity is bad. 0.97
00:02:18.780 We have the man versus the bear memes.
00:02:21.320 We have the men would rather do blank than go to therapy and down with the patriarchy. 1.00
00:02:27.240 These are all terms that we've heard that advocate for masculinity being inherently wrong with what's going on in society today.
00:02:36.520 And that is the furthest thing from the truth.
00:02:39.380 You know, it's really easy to complain about masculinity when you're the beneficiary of what men have produced for you.
00:02:45.400 Comfort, safety, security, guidance, direction, infrastructure, governments, nations, abundance, innovation, prosperity, economic systems that have lifted more people out of poverty and solved more problems and explored more of not only the planet, but the space even.
00:03:08.180 It's men who do that.
00:03:09.520 And that's not to discount women.
00:03:11.580 And by the way, guys, we're not at odds with each other.
00:03:14.100 I don't know where we began to believe that men and women are at odds with each other, but I'm here to tell you that we're not.
00:03:21.420 We're complementary.
00:03:22.980 We work well together.
00:03:24.460 And just because a man succeeds doesn't mean that a woman was pushed down.
00:03:28.500 And just because a woman succeeds doesn't mean that a man was pushed down.
00:03:31.840 It means that we complement each other and we have opportunities to serve each other in effective ways.
00:03:36.660 So today, what I thought I would do is specifically address why it's important we talk about toxic masculinity briefly.
00:03:45.780 I'm not going to drone on and on about this, but I am going to talk about it because so many people seem to be embracing and accepting the idea that masculinity is, in fact, inherently toxic.
00:03:55.260 And what I'm going to do today is I'm going to cover four key characteristics that the American Psychological Association in 2019 with their study, I'm using quotations if you're not watching video, that their study said were inherently toxic.
00:04:10.340 Dominance, aggression, stoicism, and competitiveness.
00:04:13.720 And I'm going to prove to you why those are not inherently toxic.
00:04:16.920 And I think it's important that we realize this because in a culture that tends to generally demonize men, it's really incumbent upon us as men to combat that notion.
00:04:31.180 If we show up the way that these people are telling us we show up, then we're just exacerbating the problems and we're playing into the narrative.
00:04:41.480 But if you can use the characteristics, the God-given characteristics of competition, dominance, aggression, stoicism, and I would even add maybe risk-taking in there, but you can use those in a righteous and effective way, I think the people around you and generally more people in the world would see that men aren't the enemy.
00:05:00.100 We are the answer.
00:05:01.780 So let's get into it.
00:05:02.940 And I'm going to – I didn't really write this down, but I'm going to – as I was riffing there, risk-taking was a topic that I thought we would address as well.
00:05:14.880 All right, so let's talk about the first one.
00:05:16.540 Let's talk about dominance.
00:05:17.580 Actually, you know what?
00:05:18.360 Let me back up.
00:05:20.220 I talked about the American Psychological Association.
00:05:22.760 I pulled up some resources here, and this comes directly from apa.org, AmericanPsychologicalAssociation.org.
00:05:29.000 This is, again, from 2019.
00:05:32.820 It says here that the APA – I'll just use that abbreviation moving forward – says that new guidelines for psychological practice with boys and men.
00:05:41.540 This was a study they did and came up with guidelines.
00:05:45.300 So now the medical community is involved in the idea of toxic masculinity.
00:05:50.740 And it says here, strive to recognize and address these problems in boys and men while remaining sensitive to the field's androcentric past.
00:06:01.600 13 years in the making, they draw on more than 40 years of research showing that traditional masculinity – let me say that again.
00:06:10.060 Traditional masculinity is psychologically harmful and that socializing boys to suppress their emotions causes damage that echoes both inwardly and outwardly.
00:06:23.360 You can no longer make the claim that there's nobody out there who believes that masculinity is not inherently toxic.
00:06:29.960 It says it right here.
00:06:30.940 Research showing that traditional masculinity is psychologically harmful and that socializing boys to suppress their emotions, which does happen, but I'm going to give you a different explanation, causes damage that echoes both inwardly and outwardly.
00:06:48.260 This is a problem.
00:06:49.700 This is coming, again, from the American Psychological Association.
00:06:53.020 I'm also going to read another paragraph, and this comes from – oh, this is from – well, this is from 2019, and this is from Stephanie Pappas.
00:07:01.980 It kind of makes sense that it's a woman, and no offense to women necessarily, but it makes sense that a woman is trying to explain how men behave and how they perform when she's probably the recipient and beneficiary of what men have done.
00:07:16.140 And again, I – you know, there's mansplaining. 0.95
00:07:19.080 I guess woman-splaining would be something that we ought to consider as well. 0.81
00:07:24.180 Here she says,
00:07:25.180 The main thrust of the subsequent research is that traditional masculinity marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance, and aggression is, on the whole, harmful.
00:07:43.480 Men socialized in this way, men socialized in this way are less likely to engage in healthy behaviors.
00:07:52.840 I read that very slow for emphasis.
00:07:56.260 The main thrust of the subsequent research is that traditional masculinity marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance, and aggression is, on the whole, harmful.
00:08:05.580 Men socialized in this way, men socialized in this way are less likely to engage in healthy behaviors.
00:08:14.120 So let's break down each one of those and tear this argument apart.
00:08:18.500 And I can do this in 15 minutes, and it took 40 years of research for the American Psychological Association to do it.
00:08:26.320 Tell me these people aren't credible.
00:08:29.000 All right.
00:08:29.760 Let's talk about number one, dominance.
00:08:31.220 Guys, that is one of the key factors.
00:08:35.420 Guys, you have the ability to be dominant in life without being a dick.
00:08:41.220 And I'm going to give you the counter argument to each of these because I think it's imperative that we as men display what actual masculinity looks like
00:08:49.300 and how we can serve our families, our communities, our businesses, every people that we interact with.
00:08:56.860 You can be dominant without being a dick.
00:08:58.800 Domination just means that you're the best of the best, that when you step into the arena, whether it's an actual sports arena or the business field or church service or whatever it may be that you're interested in, that you come with the attitude of dominating.
00:09:16.980 Now, being a dick means that you're going to push other people down.
00:09:20.000 You're going to lie, cheat, and steal to get ahead.
00:09:23.060 That's not what we're talking about.
00:09:24.880 It's okay to dominate.
00:09:26.140 I don't know where we came up with this idea that you should get involved with something and not want to be the best.
00:09:32.100 I want to be the best.
00:09:33.460 When it comes to podcasting, I want to dominate the other spaces.
00:09:37.160 That does not mean I want to submit them.
00:09:40.860 This does not mean I want to have my way with them.
00:09:44.600 What it means is that I want to be recognized as the best.
00:09:48.100 And isn't that what you want to do?
00:09:49.900 If you're going to get involved in anything, don't you want to be the best?
00:09:53.360 However you define the best.
00:09:54.780 If I'm going to be a father, I want to be the best father possible.
00:09:59.420 If I'm going to be a business owner and doing podcasts, I want to do the best podcast possible.
00:10:07.000 And it's that mentality of dominance, of being the best, of proving to myself and other people that I have what it takes that drives me to innovate, to take risks, to try new things that have never been tried before.
00:10:21.580 And to ultimately go on to create something that has never been created in the humanity of man.
00:10:28.120 What is wrong with domination?
00:10:30.080 Now, I will say if you're dominating people at the expense of others, that's a problem.
00:10:36.300 That's where dick comes into play, right?
00:10:38.680 You're being a dickhead to other people.
00:10:41.620 You're dominating other people.
00:10:43.740 I'm not talking about subjugating others.
00:10:48.400 I'm not talking about having people submissive to you.
00:10:51.600 What I'm talking about, and I think what lends to masculinity, is our desire to lead.
00:10:58.660 And there is a general sense of abdication when it comes to leadership.
00:11:05.860 So many people will not lead.
00:11:09.300 They're sitting around.
00:11:12.240 They're being lazy.
00:11:13.440 They're being scared.
00:11:14.500 They're not exhibiting any courage.
00:11:15.720 And they're waiting for somebody else to lead.
00:11:17.540 And if you can dominate and be the leader that people require, by the way, if people voluntarily follow you,
00:11:25.520 it doesn't mean that you're being dominant.
00:11:28.040 It means that you're leading where other people won't.
00:11:32.000 I've looked for leaders in my life, whether it's early on in my military service or when I was in high school playing sports.
00:11:40.460 And even today, as I'm trying to build a movement and a podcast that impacts tens of millions of lives across the planet,
00:11:47.080 I'm looking at what other people do for what is possible.
00:11:52.220 Why would I perform less than I'm capable of?
00:11:55.380 Much of society would have you do that.
00:11:58.020 Don't be the best.
00:12:00.100 Don't do everything that you can because heaven forbid somebody else is offended or put out because you worked your tail off and got to the place that you're meant to be.
00:12:09.540 I have a friend of mine, and he's very tall.
00:12:16.420 He's probably 6'6".
00:12:17.800 He has a son who's probably, I think, at the age of 11, 12, 13 years old, was probably 6'3", 6'4", very tall.
00:12:27.480 And he played basketball.
00:12:28.820 And I remember this friend, he would always bring his son's birth certificate to games because it would always be challenged.
00:12:35.480 And he would go out and he never hindered his son.
00:12:38.160 He never told his son to not dominate people who were 5'2", 5'3", 5'4", the same age group as he, because why would you tell a kid to play less than he's capable of?
00:12:50.500 And why would you encourage a man to do less than what he can?
00:12:55.020 Men.
00:12:55.240 Anything that you get involved with, and I'll say this, it's all subjective.
00:13:01.160 Like, I don't know what your definition of winning is.
00:13:03.420 It's all subjective.
00:13:04.140 But whatever your definition is, you better go out there with a design to dominate, to be the best, to absolutely crush the competition, and to win.
00:13:13.820 Not at all costs.
00:13:15.060 I will not.
00:13:15.580 You'll never hear me say that.
00:13:17.100 We don't want to win at all costs.
00:13:18.740 We want to do it righteously and morally.
00:13:20.520 And when people see that they can follow us, that we are leaders, that we are worthy of them going on the path with us, we turn the conversation from one of toxic masculinity to one of healthy masculinity.
00:13:35.340 That a man's desire to dominate is not toxic.
00:13:38.380 It's actually a very healthy thing, and people will see that.
00:13:41.740 All right, number two.
00:13:44.120 Aggressive.
00:13:46.480 Aggression was the other one.
00:13:48.560 Was another one.
00:13:49.780 Two of four.
00:13:50.800 That the American Psychological Association talked about.
00:13:53.960 You can be aggressive without being an agitator.
00:13:57.840 Aggression just means I'm going to go as hard as I possibly can.
00:14:01.700 Balls to the wall, 100% within the confines of the agreement.
00:14:06.800 So if I'm in a basketball game, I'm going to play by the rules, but I'm going to go 100%.
00:14:11.740 And if you can't go 100%, that's not on me.
00:14:15.460 It's not on me to slow myself down because you can't keep up.
00:14:19.500 It's on you to speed up if you can't keep up with me.
00:14:23.520 I'm not going to slow down.
00:14:24.860 I'm going to be aggressive towards my goals.
00:14:28.040 And that doesn't mean reckless.
00:14:30.160 It doesn't mean that I'm deliberately, intentionally trying to agitate other people and piss other people off.
00:14:37.140 Sure, people will be agitated in the process, but it's not me who's doing it.
00:14:41.420 It's their own insecurities.
00:14:42.940 Now, if I run around and I'm pushing people around and I'm bullying people and I'm not following the rules of engagement and I'm treating people like garbage and I'm pushing up on other people instead of lifting them up.
00:14:56.820 Sure.
00:14:57.560 But can't you be just as aggressive in lifting others up?
00:15:00.840 Can't you be just as aggressive in praising and honoring the people in your life who are helping you accomplish goals and who are doing big things?
00:15:11.280 Can't you be aggressive in pursuing righteous and noble endeavors, starting businesses?
00:15:16.140 Man, even walking down the road, if you see a woman getting assaulted by somebody and you run up there and you use your level of aggression to subdue somebody who would maybe accost or rape a woman?
00:15:29.680 Are you telling me that aggression is inherently toxic?
00:15:34.440 Of course it isn't.
00:15:36.280 Now, if you're using aggression to do violence and ill will towards others, then sure.
00:15:43.220 But inherently?
00:15:45.420 No.
00:15:47.100 Guys, we are meant to be aggressive.
00:15:49.840 And so many men are sitting around.
00:15:51.500 They're timid.
00:15:52.320 They're passive.
00:15:53.520 They're afraid.
00:15:54.920 They're henpecked by their wives because, heaven forbid, you show any level of masculinity and you decide to deliberately and intentionally, methodically pursue a goal and ambition and desire that you have.
00:16:08.660 It's okay to have those things.
00:16:10.560 But you don't need to agitate in the process.
00:16:12.220 In fact, I would say that's counterintuitive.
00:16:14.260 When I'm aggressively pursuing my goals, I don't want to agitate people.
00:16:18.800 I want to enlist people.
00:16:20.360 I want my girlfriend to be on board with what I'm doing.
00:16:24.020 I want my kids to believe in me.
00:16:25.980 I want you guys to listen to this podcast to support what we're doing.
00:16:30.260 I want you to believe in this mission.
00:16:32.100 I want people to buy our products to be excited that they buy our products and to wear it proudly around their communities.
00:16:40.500 I'm enlisting, aggressively enlisting other men to follow the path that leads to righteousness and leads to results, not just for themselves, but to other people.
00:16:52.240 When you see somebody doing something wrong, you better aggressively stand up against that bullshit.
00:16:57.860 When you see somebody doing something to somebody else that they shouldn't be doing, you should be capable and willing of being aggressive in your response to subdue a threat and make the world a better place.
00:17:12.980 It's about being righteous.
00:17:42.960 This podcasting is from Andy Frisilla.
00:17:44.260 He talks about aggressive patience.
00:17:47.380 The things that you want aren't going to come quickly.
00:17:50.060 It's going to take time.
00:17:52.140 Whether you want to get strong, lose weight, start a business, get out of debt, build a relationship, rekindle a relationship, repair damage relationships.
00:18:01.200 It doesn't happen overnight.
00:18:03.480 So you need to be aggressive in your actions, but patience in the results.
00:18:07.220 So if you can be righteous in your aggression and refined, that's the term I use, meaning that you're using discernment and you're doing it correctly, people are going to see that.
00:18:19.840 They're going to latch on to that.
00:18:20.680 They're going to want to follow you.
00:18:21.860 Next, we're going to talk about stoicism.
00:18:24.720 The American Psychological Association says stoicism is inherently dangerous.
00:18:32.360 At best, they don't understand what stoicism is because they're conflating stoicism with a suppression of emotions.
00:18:40.620 And I would say if you're suppressing your emotions, I don't think you're necessarily being toxic, but you're not being smart.
00:18:49.260 We're all emotional creatures, both men and women.
00:18:52.060 Men like to say women are the more emotional.
00:18:54.900 That hasn't been my experience.
00:18:57.400 I think we're just as emotional as women.
00:18:59.800 We just display it differently.
00:19:02.320 We get angry.
00:19:03.760 We shut down.
00:19:05.300 We punch holes in the wall.
00:19:07.780 We yell.
00:19:08.720 Women might cry. 1.00
00:19:11.920 They might resort to extremes.
00:19:16.620 They also shut down or they try to confront.
00:19:20.240 Like we all are doing the same thing, guys.
00:19:23.880 So I don't think that men are less emotional than women.
00:19:28.320 We just exhibit it differently.
00:19:31.100 But stoicism isn't about suppressing your emotions.
00:19:34.720 Like if one of my children came to me and they said, hey, I'm really upset because of this and this and this, I wouldn't say shut up.
00:19:41.560 Stop being a little baby.
00:19:43.780 Of course not.
00:19:45.480 Like very few men actually do that.
00:19:48.540 It's painted as this cultural phenomenon where all men are just total dickheads to their families and their kids and everybody else.
00:19:58.800 And I've had moments of that.
00:20:00.300 Don't get me wrong.
00:20:01.320 But generally, I'm not acting that way.
00:20:05.140 You know, my daughter, the other day, we went on a hike.
00:20:08.140 And she was coming down and her shoes were a little too small for her and she was starting to get some blisters and I could tell and she was struggling.
00:20:14.660 I didn't say shut your mouth and just deal with it.
00:20:20.360 Nobody does that.
00:20:21.900 I shouldn't say nobody.
00:20:23.200 Very few people do that.
00:20:24.340 What I said is, hey, bud, we got to find a way to get tough.
00:20:27.660 I know it hurts.
00:20:29.800 I know you're in pain right now.
00:20:31.060 I know you got those blisters going, but we got to find a way to bear down because the only way off this mountain is down and you got to walk it because I'm not going to carry you.
00:20:38.420 And she did.
00:20:39.760 You know, she grumbled and griped and put up some issues, but she made it down. 1.00
00:20:44.300 And it wasn't because I was telling her to suppress her emotions or I was telling her to man up.
00:20:49.880 It was because I was helping her learn how to be mentally and emotionally resilient in the wake of physical hardship.
00:20:58.760 And that's what I'm talking about when it comes to stoicism.
00:21:01.460 It's not suppressing your emotions.
00:21:04.020 That's not what stoicism means.
00:21:07.260 Being a stoic is learning to understand your emotions so you can begin to regulate them.
00:21:14.620 Because the last thing I want is my emotion to dictate my response.
00:21:21.320 So if I'm angry, the first thing I want to do, the lowest common denominator, the easiest thing to do is to punch a wall or to yell at somebody or lose my shit or to break down.
00:21:34.060 That's the easiest thing to do.
00:21:35.700 Instead, what I suggest is sit with the anger or sit with the frustration or the contention or the jealousy or the greed or the envy or the sorrow or the sadness and just sit with it before you start deciding to respond to it.
00:21:50.960 And then once you sit with it for a while, you know what happens?
00:21:54.340 You start to diffuse.
00:21:57.600 The temperature cools a little bit, right?
00:21:59.520 You've been angry.
00:22:00.420 Let's say you got into an argument with your wife and you're angry and she's angry and everybody's all pissed off and agitated.
00:22:05.040 I'm not telling you not to be pissed off.
00:22:06.940 Maybe you have a right to be pissed off.
00:22:09.300 Maybe she spent more money than she needed to on that one thing and it put you in financial hardship. 0.99
00:22:14.220 Maybe she's flirting with somebody else and you have a right to be angry about that considering that she committed to you.
00:22:21.900 So you got to have some conversations.
00:22:23.800 You got to have some tough conversations and you can be angry about it, but you're not going to go hit her.
00:22:29.980 Probably shouldn't yell at her.
00:22:31.100 That's going to undermine your cause.
00:22:33.120 And instead, just sit in it for a while.
00:22:34.800 I'm angry because of X, Y, and Z. 0.97
00:22:37.000 And then she let the temperature lower.
00:22:39.320 And then you go have a real conversation with the woman that you love, the woman you committed to, and the woman who said she's committed to you.
00:22:45.540 So Stoicism is about understanding your emotions and then making appropriate responses based on what partially your emotion is telling you and the feedback that it's giving you.
00:22:59.500 It's not, don't be sad.
00:23:02.660 That's not what Stoicism is.
00:23:04.120 Don't be mad.
00:23:05.300 Nobody said that's ever in the history of Stoicism has said, don't be mad.
00:23:11.380 You can be mad.
00:23:12.740 You can be sad.
00:23:14.280 You can be jealous.
00:23:15.400 You can be envious.
00:23:16.080 You can be guilty.
00:23:17.920 You can have shame.
00:23:20.300 All of those things are part of the human condition.
00:23:22.360 It's a matter of what you do with the emotion that you're feeling.
00:23:26.700 It's about comprehension.
00:23:30.980 Understanding yourself.
00:23:31.880 All right, the last point here is competitive.
00:23:35.980 And I liken this to the dichotomies of it is there's competitive and then there's conniving.
00:23:43.880 All right, so the conniving person will compete and win by any means necessary.
00:23:50.340 They'll lie.
00:23:51.040 They'll cheat.
00:23:51.640 They'll steal.
00:23:52.280 They'll bend the rules.
00:23:53.300 They'll break the rules.
00:23:54.740 They'll do whatever they can to win.
00:23:57.520 That's not what competition is.
00:23:59.960 This competition by design is operating on a level playing field to test where our capabilities are.
00:24:07.800 We believe in competition culturally so much so that when people want to compete, they will bring in a third party to learn the rules of engagement and then administer discipline if one of those rules are broken.
00:24:22.700 We call them umpires and referees.
00:24:24.200 A football team is not really at odds with another football team.
00:24:30.460 They're actually cooperating because they're following the same set of rules and they bring in a third party to say, hey, if we break the rules, here's the penalty.
00:24:40.220 If they break the rules, here's the penalty.
00:24:41.900 And then we compete to see who's the best.
00:24:45.080 Competition drives innovation.
00:24:46.200 It drives us to places that we never would have thought we could go.
00:24:54.800 You take Elon Musk, for example, with SpaceX and him competing with NASA.
00:25:01.180 Elon Musk is winning that competition.
00:25:04.320 He's grabbing rocket boosters out of midair.
00:25:08.320 He's doing it better than NASA could do it.
00:25:10.820 Does that make NASA worse or better?
00:25:12.780 It does one of two things.
00:25:13.660 It puts NASA out of business or it causes them to elevate their game.
00:25:19.940 And both are fine outcomes.
00:25:21.400 If NASA goes out of business, that outcome is okay and it's inevitable because they're not doing a good job.
00:25:25.980 But if they decide to up their level of capabilities, then that also improves their situation.
00:25:33.400 Competition is a wonderful, wonderful thing.
00:25:35.860 But being conniving is not.
00:25:39.540 And nobody ever conflated the two.
00:25:41.260 We know that.
00:25:42.900 When we see people cheat, you know, I think of what they call it, inflate gate or whatever it's called with Tom Brady and the Patriots throwing footballs that were underinflated.
00:25:55.920 We mock it.
00:25:57.440 We ridicule it.
00:25:58.820 We bash on them.
00:25:59.860 And rightfully so.
00:26:00.820 They're cheating.
00:26:01.380 And so we do that because we all know that competition is not about getting an unfair competitive advantage.
00:26:09.760 It's about winning and being the best with a level set of rules that both parties agree on.
00:26:18.920 We hate cheaters.
00:26:20.360 Culturally, we hate cheaters.
00:26:22.540 And we hate thieves.
00:26:23.860 We ostracize them from the community because they're not good for the community.
00:26:30.140 So nobody believes that being conniving is inherently masculine.
00:26:34.500 We believe that competition by design, which means that we're going to compete on a level playing field, is healthy.
00:26:41.400 Companies are going to go out of businesses or excuse me, business.
00:26:45.300 Relationships aren't always going to work out well.
00:26:48.080 Maybe you have your eye on a woman and so does somebody else.
00:26:51.060 That's a competition.
00:26:52.000 Maybe there's a promotion at work and somebody else gets it.
00:26:55.380 That was a competition.
00:26:58.660 It's when we do it unrighteously or when we become conniving that it becomes an issue.
00:27:03.660 And that's not competition any longer.
00:27:06.700 Competition by definition is a level playing field.
00:27:09.980 And the last one that I thought of as I was talking about this, and this wasn't in the American Psychological Association's assessment, but this is risk-taking.
00:27:19.140 Men are more prone to take risks than women are. 1.00
00:27:24.760 That doesn't make women inferior. 1.00
00:27:26.780 It doesn't mean they're less than.
00:27:28.500 It doesn't mean even that men are better than.
00:27:31.020 It just means that we're generally the sex that's going to take on more risk, which is why, by the way, that we experience more premature death.
00:27:39.080 We experience more suicide as men.
00:27:43.140 We commit more crimes, by the way.
00:27:46.160 That's risk-taking.
00:27:47.840 We're incarcerated more.
00:27:49.880 We're more apt to be involved with substance or drug abuse.
00:27:53.960 We're failing out of schools.
00:27:55.560 Like there's a lot going on with men that are directly tied to our risk-taking.
00:28:01.280 Now, some people might say, what does failing out of school or not graduating college have to do with risk-taking?
00:28:07.120 Well, men are more likely to go start businesses.
00:28:10.560 Women are more likely to go to college. 1.00
00:28:14.040 It's not subject to interpretation.
00:28:16.920 That's just the numbers.
00:28:19.580 Women are going to college more than men, and they're getting college degrees more than men because more men are going out to start businesses.
00:28:27.580 That's a risk.
00:28:28.440 You're going to put tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars into businesses.
00:28:32.300 And by the way, some of those businesses that you're criticizing, this ability or desire to take risk, you're criticizing on the same platforms that men have built taking risks.
00:28:44.200 It's a bit ironic, to say the least.
00:28:48.400 Guys, the point that I'm making here is that masculinity is not inherently toxic.
00:28:53.080 If you take the counter to the debates and the arguments and the points that I gave you today, sure, I think you could probably make that case.
00:29:03.540 If I said, hey, being a dick is toxic, we'd all agree with that.
00:29:08.540 But nobody's saying that men should be dicks.
00:29:10.580 We're saying that you should use your ability to be dominant.
00:29:13.120 If I said you're going to be an agitator for everybody, people would say that's toxic.
00:29:19.020 Nobody's telling men to agitate people.
00:29:22.300 If I said that you need to suppress your emotions and bottle them up and not ever share them, I would say, yeah, maybe that's toxic.
00:29:30.220 But nobody's telling people to do that.
00:29:32.820 That's not true.
00:29:33.720 Some people are.
00:29:34.500 But I'm not telling people to do that.
00:29:38.380 I'm saying understand your emotions.
00:29:40.920 If somebody says, hey, be conniving and steal and cheat and lie and rob to get ahead, that's not masculinity.
00:29:48.180 Nobody's saying that's masculinity.
00:29:50.660 Okay, that's being competitive, but that has nothing to do with lying and cheating and stealing.
00:29:56.300 If I'm telling you to go out and take risks, I'm not saying at the expense of other people.
00:30:00.660 You didn't hear me say that.
00:30:01.560 So we have to move past this idea that masculinity is inherently toxic.
00:30:07.120 And you might, as I'm preaching to the choir a bit here, believe that, that masculinity is not inherently toxic.
00:30:14.700 There's a good contingent of people who believe it is, and it's our job not to convince them, but it's our job to show up powerfully so they actually see what real masculinity looks like.
00:30:27.620 For example, a woman you might be in a relationship with may have bad examples of what it means to be a man.
00:30:35.200 It's your job to be a shining example of what it means to be a man.
00:30:39.420 The people you work with might have worked for horrible bosses where they were abused verbally and they were ridiculed and mocked and stymied when it came to their growth.
00:30:49.080 And it's your job as an employer to empower and edify and uplift other people.
00:30:53.960 You might run across people who have been victims of crimes, whether it's sexual crimes or theft or any number of things that have been perpetrated against them.
00:31:06.300 It's your job to show them that the same characteristics that somebody used to hurt them can actually be used to serve them.
00:31:16.080 Our motto, it's on my hat, it's on the wall behind me, is protect, provide, preside.
00:31:20.460 And I have to be dominant.
00:31:22.020 I have to be aggressive.
00:31:23.580 I have to be stoic.
00:31:25.120 I have to be competitive.
00:31:26.500 I have to take risks in order to fulfill this responsibility right here to protect, provide, and preside.
00:31:33.300 And you do too.
00:31:34.140 It's just a matter of showing them what that actually looks like in an environment and a culture where it's not all that common.
00:31:42.460 And we can do it.
00:31:43.820 And my ask and goal for you guys is to enlist as many men as we can into the fold of protectors, providers, and presiders.
00:31:53.540 Men that will serve others.
00:31:54.880 Men that will protect others.
00:31:56.380 Men that care about others.
00:31:57.440 Men that will lead other people righteously and do this the right way so that they can see that the people who are doing it the wrong way aren't men at all.
00:32:04.640 There's something entirely different.
00:32:07.120 All right, guys.
00:32:07.780 That's what I've got for you today.
00:32:09.100 We'll be back next week for another interview.
00:32:11.260 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.
00:32:16.140 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:32:23.740 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
00:32:27.420 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.
00:32:30.900 Go Packer. 0.96
00:32:32.100 Go Packers.
00:32:34.460 Go Packers.
00:32:36.680 Go Packers.
00:32:37.860 Go Packers.
00:32:40.200 Go Packers.
00:32:47.060 Go Packers.
00:32:47.760 Go Packers.
00:32:48.920 Go Packers.
00:32:49.380 Go Packers.
00:32:49.480 Go Packers.
00:32:49.880 Go Packers.
00:32:49.920 Go Packers.
00:32:50.180 Go Packers.
00:32:50.260 Go Packers.
00:32:52.260 Go Packers.
00:32:52.680 Go Packers.
00:32:53.380 Go Packers.
00:32:55.260 Go Packers.