Order of Man - TRAVIS HOWZE ｜ Creating Your Own Light

00:00:00.000 So many of us are looking to external circumstances to solve our problems. We blame

00:00:04.840 all kinds of people and organizations and outlets for our own personal woes. Unfortunately, when we

00:00:11.820 do that, we put ourselves at the mercy of factors outside of our control and are left feeling empty

00:00:16.620 and hopeless and powerless to improve our lives. My guest today, Travis Howes, makes the case for

00:00:23.400 creating your own light and learning how to create positive results in your life in spite of

00:00:29.200 potentially tragic and unfortunate circumstances you may have experienced. We talk about the

00:00:35.020 delicate balance of shouldering pain and learning to let it go, going to dark places and emerging

00:00:41.440 victorious, learning to be proud of who you are without being arrogant, finding powerful outlets

00:00:47.380 for your difficulties of life and how to overcome feeling like a fake and a fraud or imposter on your

00:00:55.000 path to growth. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears and boldly

00:01:00.320 chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time you are not

00:01:06.440 easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is who

00:01:14.160 you will become at the end of the day. And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:01:20.320 Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler and I am the host and the founder of

00:01:25.120 the order of man podcast and movement. Welcome here. I believe that this is the last show. No,

00:01:32.320 I'm sorry. It's not. Yes, it is the last show of 2020. And I can think of no better show and

00:01:38.900 conversation to have, uh, than with my friend Travis Howes, because I know what he shares and what

00:01:44.920 he's experienced in his own life is likely very similar to what you have dealt with and experienced

00:01:51.160 in yours. So we're going to get into that, uh, in just a minute before I do, I do want to make a

00:01:56.380 quick reminder and mention of something I mentioned to you last week, guys, we've got our new collaboration

00:02:03.440 and project on our own lineup of beard oil partnered up with origin. These guys have done a

00:02:10.800 phenomenal job. I've worked very closely with them in formulating and coming up with the ideas and the

00:02:18.300 branding and the packaging and making sure that what we're putting together is going to be good

00:02:21.960 for you. Good for your beard, make you feel good, make you perform good. And all of that stuff.

00:02:26.640 I had a old coach in high school that used to say, he was my baseball and football coach. He used to say,

00:02:31.560 if you look good, you play good. And, uh, I believe that to be true. It's just a, an element of

00:02:37.740 you improving your life and improving the lives of the people you serve. So if you want that beard

00:02:42.940 to look good, you want it to be as glorious as my beard is. You want it to feel good. You want to

00:02:47.460 feel proud. Then get yourself some origin beard oil. Now it isn't released yet. So what I need you

00:02:54.900 to do is go to originbeardoil.com because we've got a very small run to see how this goes. I want

00:03:01.340 to blow it up. I want to prove to these guys, my partners and friends at origin, uh, that we can do

00:03:06.060 this. So I need you to go to originbeardoil.com originbeardoil.com get signed up, just drop your

00:03:12.260 email and your name in there. And when we release it in the next two to three weeks, you will be one

00:03:16.580 of the first to know, which is important because if you aren't, you're not going to get the first

00:03:20.780 to dish. All right. You're going to get the second or third or fourth, because I think we're going to

00:03:24.420 blow this thing up. So go to originbeardoil.com originbeardoil.com get signed up. I appreciate it.

00:03:30.380 Your beard will appreciate it. And, uh, all will be well. All right, guys, let me introduce you to

00:03:35.820 my guest today. Mr. Travis house. Uh, he's a Marine Corps veteran. He's a former police officer,

00:03:41.280 a firefighter. He's a comedian. He's also an international, uh, motivational speaker. So

00:03:46.820 pretty much he does everything that that's all you need to know. He does everything.

00:03:51.260 Uh, but he's learned to harness his own difficulties in life to make himself a better man. And that's what

00:03:56.480 we're all about here. Uh, he's also the author of his new book, create your own light, where he

00:04:00.940 outlines and documents his tragic experiences, difficult experiences in combat and on duty,

00:04:07.040 uh, fighting through the PTSD that resulted from those experiences, finding powerful outlets for

00:04:12.440 improvement, and basically just healing himself along the journey. And, uh, I think you're really

00:04:18.200 going to enjoy this one, especially if you've got some past emotional or physical or mental baggage

00:04:23.000 that, uh, you've been trying to let go. I think this is going to give you a path to be able to do

00:04:28.100 that. So I hope that you enjoy this one guys. We're coming into 2021. This is going to be a great

00:04:32.500 conversation to cap things out for the year and let's get into it. Travis, what's up, man. Good to

00:04:38.680 talk with you. Hey, glad to be here. Thank you, Ryan. Thanks for having me. Yeah, you bet. I know we

00:04:43.840 were supposed to do it last week and you're, you're a busy man. Yeah. It seems like, I think you just

00:04:48.480 said a minute ago, you had, I don't know, like five or six different media appearances that, that

00:04:53.320 day or something like that. So I know you're a busy guy, man. It's a, it's pretty wild. No excuses.

00:04:58.360 I dropped the ball on that, man. I penciled you in the wrong time. So that's my bad. I own that

00:05:02.280 shit. Hey, I like that. I like that. Cause that's one of the things that we talked to the

00:05:06.840 guys about all the time. And yeah, I'm not always the best, but I do try to take responsibility

00:05:10.580 and just own it. You know, it's funny. Cause I think guys, when they mess up, they think if

00:05:15.860 they, they deflect that somehow people will look, look upon them more favorably. But in my own life,

00:05:23.320 I found the opposite to be true. Like if I mess up and just own it, people are like, Oh, okay. I can

00:05:28.280 actually respect that. And then you hold a little bit more clout with individuals than maybe you did

00:05:32.560 before. I agree a hundred percent, man. I can spot deflection from a mile away. And right then my

00:05:37.360 bullshit radar goes off. I see lack of responsibility right there. Yeah, for sure. For sure. So, uh,

00:05:44.400 man, how's things been going since, since you came out with the book? I mean, obviously I've got a

00:05:49.120 copy of the book and I told you, I went through about 70, 80% of the books so far. I'm still

00:05:52.520 reading. I've got a stack of books. It's probably, I don't know, 25 or 30 books on my nightstand that

00:05:59.240 I'm like trying to get through at any given point. But man, this is a solid, solid reading. It's

00:06:03.540 given me a lot of insight into my own personal life as I've dealt with things as well.

00:06:07.300 A lot of books coming from your guests.

00:06:09.580 Most of them. Yeah. I mean, that's why I couldn't do a podcast. Cause I'm not a reader,

00:06:13.400 dude. I would, I would, I'd pass out if I had all those books coming in.

00:06:16.700 I like reading. I enjoy, I haven't always, it's funny. Cause my oldest son,

00:06:21.260 um, we, we tell him, Hey, you've got to read 30 minutes every single day. That's just part of,

00:06:25.340 part of the deal. And man, he just every day just, Oh, I don't want to do that. I hate this. And I'm

00:06:30.420 like, I know I get it. I totally get it. But at some point you'll actually appreciate reading a

00:06:35.020 good book. Maybe, I don't know. I do anyways. It doesn't sound like you do.

00:06:37.800 I hate to admit this. I hate to admit it, but my young daughters are like, daddy read to me. So I'll read

00:06:42.940 and I'll grab about 10 or 11 pages at a time and just turn them really quickly. Yeah. And I breeze

00:06:47.500 through the book like that. And they look at me, they're so confused because the story doesn't make

00:06:50.880 any damn sense. It's great. That's how old are they though? Four and six. Yeah. So a couple more

00:06:56.480 years, you won't be able to get away with that, man. I'm telling you, it's not going to work anymore.

00:07:00.060 Not at all. Enjoy. Take advantage. Take advantage of it. I don't know. A lot of guys are listening to

00:07:05.080 this like, what? These guys are dicks. Like, what are they talking about? If you're, if you're a father,

00:07:10.660 you know exactly what we're talking about, man. You do. You know exactly what we're saying here,

00:07:14.580 man. I can only read so much about unicorns and rainbows, man. And it's the same book every night

00:07:19.160 too. And it's like, come on, I'm just going to flip through this thing. Let's go. You know what

00:07:22.880 you should start doing is just making up your own words and making your own story based on the

00:07:26.760 pictures. Uh, and then it changes the book and they'll, they'll never even know. Right. In fact,

00:07:30.340 they'll probably appreciate it. I actually have done that and they caught on. So that's where I got to

00:07:35.160 flipping 10 pages at a time, just fast forward. That's funny, man. That's funny. Well, so anyway,

00:07:40.520 tell me about what you got going on. I mean, obviously you got the book, create your own

00:07:43.240 light. Um, I know you're, uh, a former military member. I think you've been in, uh, as a firefighter

00:07:50.100 and law enforcement. Is that right? Yeah. Kind of a little trifecta. Uh, I always wanted to be a

00:07:55.740 police officer, a firefighter, United States Marine, and I was able to do all of those things. Um,

00:08:00.240 so I'm a pretty blessed dude. Yeah. So, uh, I guess why you talk about that trifecta,

00:08:07.080 why not stay on one path instead of trying different things and going different routes

00:08:13.120 and different avenues? I'm really curious about that. Yeah, man. I'm glad you asked that question.

00:08:17.740 I get that a lot. And, uh, so I've always been the kind of guy, even when I was little,

00:08:21.760 I just, I wanted to try things and be the best that I could at something. And I mean,

00:08:26.200 I believe in longevity, but not in any one thing. So my father was a golf course superintendent for 40

00:08:31.180 years. Right. So if he wrote a book, it would be about being a golf course superintendent,

00:08:34.680 40 years worth. And I always told myself as young, if I wrote a book, I want to have multiple

00:08:39.520 chapters about all kinds of different crazy things. And that actually ended up writing a

00:08:43.120 book and that's kind of where we are. Yeah, man, that's, that's, uh, I can definitely

00:08:47.660 appreciate that. I think the outside of my financial planning practice, which I owned before

00:08:52.660 we did order of man, this is my longest, longest career. I mean, we're almost six years into this

00:08:57.980 thing, but I seem to, I was going to say lose interest. I don't know if it's lose interest.

00:09:04.540 I mean, maybe it is. I just, there's so much out there, you know, there's so many opportunities

00:09:08.980 and there's so many experiences. And like you, I believe in longevity, but I also believe in

00:09:14.740 taking advantage of the short time we have on the spinning rock and trying new things and gaining

00:09:18.580 new experiences. That's been valuable for me. You know, same here, Ryan, like I've experienced,

00:09:23.920 I'm sure we'll, we'll get into this in a little bit of so much trauma through my life. And I've

00:09:27.840 seen so many people expire right in front of me that I know that, you know, five minutes from now

00:09:32.940 is not a given. So if there's anything that interests me in this life, I'm going to go do

00:09:37.000 it right now. I'm not going to put it off. I'm not going to delay myself any for longer than I need

00:09:42.400 to. If something right now interests me, honestly, I'll probably quit this podcast and go do it real

00:09:45.940 quick. So that's just, that's, if you jet off, I know it's something way more, you know,

00:09:52.260 he's got interesting to you than this. Like I'm not doing a good job.

00:09:56.400 Yeah. It's not, it's not you.

00:09:59.440 So is that part of your transition into comedy and motivational speaking? I mean, that's,

00:10:04.840 that to me seems like a complete one 80 when you go from military law enforcement,

00:10:11.300 firefighting community to now I'm going to try to make people laugh.

00:10:14.640 Yes. The comedy was kind of an accidental thing, right? So when I was going through a lot of mental

00:10:19.340 health issues in June of 2007, I was entering a fire in South Carolina, Charleston warehouse fire

00:10:25.780 that killed nine of our guys. I was on the body recovery team. And after that, my world kind of

00:10:31.440 started spinning out of control. And I was desperately looking for something to make me feel

00:10:37.400 whole again. And I was sitting on my couch one night and I saw live at Gotham. It was on comedy

00:10:43.120 central and these comedians were coming up at Gotham comedy club in New York. And they were filming

00:10:47.800 five to 10 minutes sets. And I was sitting on my couch and I wasn't laughing. And I thought to

00:10:52.640 myself, I was a Marine police officer, firefighter, I was a class clown. I was like, I can do that.

00:10:56.980 And I can, I can do it. And I'm going to get on that show. Well, I started playing around with

00:11:00.820 comedy after that. And eight years later, I was on that exact same show.

00:11:04.640 That's interesting. Yeah, that's cool. Were you not laughing because of the place you were in

00:11:09.640 mentally or because it wasn't funny and you thought you could do a better job? Like why weren't

00:11:12.800 you laughing right there? Great question. So comedy is hard. So if you're not at the live

00:11:19.360 event, comedy is just not the same. I can watch some of the funniest things. And I didn't realize

00:11:23.740 this before that. Now I know when you're watching it on TV, it just doesn't have that same intimate

00:11:30.160 vibe that it does. If you're at a comedy venue, having that conversation, watching that performance

00:11:35.660 with someone and so you learn that. So guys will watch me on TV like, man, that shit sucked.

00:11:40.460 But when you come to the live event, it's a completely different experience.

00:11:44.920 Yeah. I'm not like totally immersed in and familiar with comedy, but I imagine it's a lot

00:11:49.620 like a sporting event. You know, you can, you can watch a baseball game or a football game on TV and

00:11:54.080 be entertained and it's fine, but it just doesn't compare to actually being in the stadium with the

00:11:59.580 sounds, with the smells, with everything else that's going on that you don't get through a

00:12:03.660 television set. It's the exact same, Ryan, because everybody on their couch can do it better than the

00:12:08.520 guy on TV, right? Oh, for sure. Yeah. When they have no experience, they're not with, I've got

00:12:13.420 Theodore Roosevelt's man in the arena, or at least a portion of his speech. And it's very easy to sit

00:12:19.900 on the man, especially when you're doing comedy. Cause essentially what you're saying is you're

00:12:23.540 standing on stage, you got the lights beaming down on you. You're, you're trying to manufacture

00:12:29.340 comedy, right? You're trying to create comedy. And what you're really saying is I want you to judge

00:12:35.200 how good I am at this thing. You're actually asking for people to judge you. It seems to me like

00:12:40.460 that's one of the hardest things that an individual can do. I think that's honestly why I went into it.

00:12:46.680 That was a big part of it is because the level of vulnerability is so high. I'd always been involved

00:12:52.440 with these career paths where you were vulnerable. You know, you were at other people's mercy all the

00:12:57.420 time. And I kind of, I kind of needed that because when I left the fire service, I was told to leave

00:13:04.060 because of my injuries. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to retire as a firefighter. But I just

00:13:08.860 couldn't, I couldn't do it anymore. The mental health took its toll. So I went into comedy and

00:13:13.380 man, it was, it's crazy at the places that comedy took me. Now I'm no household, you know, name or

00:13:19.140 anything like that, but for a guy who just got involved with it and was passionate about it,

00:13:23.520 I made it very, very far. I'm still, I mean, I'm still doing it. But I made multiple television

00:13:28.820 appearances, had a top produced album. I ended up going overseas several times for the troops. And

00:13:33.520 these are all things that I never thought I would ever do. Played pop comedy venues all

00:13:38.280 over the world. And it just turned out to, to work out in my favor, man. Cause what a ride

00:13:42.800 it has been. I couldn't be more thankful for that.

00:13:46.040 Yeah, no, that's a, that's, that's pretty wild. So when you, when you were injured in

00:13:51.680 this fire and I know you lost a lot of brothers in that fire, were, were you the only survivor?

00:13:57.040 Were there other survivors?

00:13:58.200 No, I mean, there were a lot of, a lot of survivors, several other guys almost were

00:14:02.760 killed. Um, I, I wasn't on duty that night. Long story short, I know we're only doing an hour. So

00:14:08.540 I was off duty. I came back to the fire right as the building collapsed. And, uh, we were actually

00:14:13.920 at a golf tournament honoring one of my other best friends who was killed four months to the day

00:14:17.760 prior.

00:14:18.100 As a firefighter as well.

00:14:20.560 Yeah. He was a firefighter. Okay. He was killed in a vehicle accident off, off duty though. Um,

00:14:25.420 but we were honoring him in a golf tournament. And when we found out about this fire, we all took

00:14:29.820 off down the road to it. And, um, lo and behold, I was assigned to the body recovery team at night.

00:14:34.780 And a lot of guys, um, went, went out with, with mental health issues after that.

00:14:40.260 So the injuries that you sustained, were they from that circumstance, that situation or something

00:14:45.600 else? You know, man, I think it was from a culmination. So it was a mental health issue.

00:14:50.660 Um, it was from a culmination of a long period of, um, um, a long career of traumatic exposure

00:14:56.920 and all of the events that I'd been through when I went in my book, I talk about this. Um,

00:15:02.220 I was dealing with everything fine. I mean, from killing a man on duty, um, that I actually took his

00:15:08.700 life, um, to as a police officer and as a firefighter, man, as a firefighter. Yeah. You were the guys

00:15:15.280 that go to help people. And I ended up killing a guy and it was just, it was just an accident.

00:15:19.720 You know, I didn't mean to do it, but it happened. It's all in my book. And, you know, from that,

00:15:23.820 from pulling dead children out of fires and, um, I mean, go into a fire where you could have saved

00:15:28.840 the guy and, uh, the decision you made to, um, work with another department, the guy ends up dying,

00:15:34.820 you know, there's just tons and tons of these stories in my book, but then getting hit with losing

00:15:40.860 my nine guys and having to be on the body recovery team and go in there and identify them.

00:15:45.100 I talk about when we're dealing with just, you know, civilians that we have no relationship to.

00:15:51.040 It's almost like a movie. You go in there, it sucks, but it's, it's a job that you'd got to do.

00:15:55.680 But when it's your own people, people that you have intimate relationships with, it hits you

00:15:59.680 on a totally different level. Um, I started acting out a lot at the fire department after that,

00:16:05.780 not, not really understanding why I became a bully. Um, I was hitting people. I was getting

00:16:10.960 physical altercations all the time and everything was being swept under the rug. I turned into a

00:16:15.660 different person. And eventually one day caught up with me when I got into a fist fight with 10

00:16:20.780 members in my firehouse and the cops were called and that was the end of my career.

00:16:25.700 So did you get, did you get kicked out of the fire department then? Or did you,

00:16:31.020 were you asked to leave or how did that situation play out?

00:16:33.560 Yeah. I was pretty much asked to leave. Um, and that's, that was a wrap for me after

00:16:37.940 eight and a half years, I've just promoted. Um, I was on my way to becoming a captain eventually.

00:16:43.200 And it was, it was sad because we had help available to us, but the culture back then

00:16:49.160 was to not go get help because we were the tough guys. We're the alpha males. We can,

00:16:53.620 you're the hard asses for sure. Exactly. And we can handle that. And I grew up that way. And I've

00:16:57.580 been in all these careers where the mentality was the exact same. I got help, but it was just,

00:17:03.320 it was too late for me. So that's why I'm an advocate now. And that's where all these

00:17:07.700 engagements come in where I talk to these emergency service entities to let them know

00:17:13.620 it's okay to not be okay. And through my story, it's amazing. I go out and I tell my story and

00:17:19.960 afterwards, I mean, we're there for hours because I'll just start talking with guys and girls and

00:17:24.400 they'll start sharing their stories. And it's wonderful to see that I'll get these crazy emails

00:17:29.560 that they're going out and getting help that they were not getting. It's still like that to an

00:17:34.220 extent. Yeah. But when they see someone else who has been through it and can say, Hey, you deserve

00:17:39.220 to get help. So you can have longevity in your career. Unlike me, you know, they, they go out and

00:17:44.620 they, they get the help that they damn well deserve. And it's a, it's a wonderful feeling.

00:17:47.720 So did you, when you were going through this and, and, and spinning in this, this, you know,

00:17:52.440 downward cycle that you were in, did, did you recognize it and you couldn't escape from it or

00:17:57.240 were you oblivious to what was going on? I was completely oblivious. And the thing that

00:18:01.680 changed my mind, um, that when I realized I needed help is when I was sitting in my mouth,

00:18:05.860 crying drunk with the gun in my mouth, dry firing it. And then I loaded it and pulled the trigger

00:18:10.400 and, uh, the weapon didn't go off. It was a, it was a Glock, you know, there's no, no real,

00:18:14.380 no real safety on a Glock, but I stopped right at the point where it would have went off. And

00:18:21.020 that's why I was dry firing. I was trying, I was testing fate and I was trying to see where

00:18:25.400 exactly the trigger would stop before it would go off. And I was going to see if I could do it

00:18:29.780 with a live round. And, uh, for whatever reason, I'm still here. Uh, but I knew, I knew at that

00:18:34.420 moment that I needed to get help and that's when I got help, but it was just, it was just too late

00:18:38.380 for me, but it happened. All of this started to cut you off. All of this happened very, very slowly.

00:18:44.380 It wasn't like I'm, I'm happy, bubbly Travis one day. And then the next day, I'm just this

00:18:48.020 angry son of a bitch that nobody can stand. I mean, it was very slow.

00:18:52.280 If it was, if it was instantaneous like that, it seems like it would be easier to catch than

00:18:57.240 this slow, gradual decline. I imagine.

00:19:00.020 Yeah, I agree a hundred percent, man. But when you, you, uh, have these subtle, uh, behavioral

00:19:04.580 changes, you know, you don't really, you don't recognize it and your coworkers don't really

00:19:08.640 recognize it. And that's what I talk about when I do these speeches, you know, you have to be

00:19:12.720 able to identify changes in behavior and yourself and your coworkers. And you have to be able

00:19:17.460 to have the fortitude to stand up and pull somebody aside and talk about it because that

00:19:21.920 never happened with me. I was, I was slapping grown men in the face on the job and nobody

00:19:27.880 ever pulled me to the side. Like, Hey Travis, what's going on?

00:19:31.500 Why?

00:19:31.740 You know, my captain was on the body recovery team with me. And, uh, to this day, 13 something

00:19:36.520 years later, we've never even discussed that incident because that's just, that's the culture,

00:19:40.580 you just don't talk about it. We don't talk at all anymore, but we definitely don't talk about

00:19:46.180 that. And we never did talk about it. Yeah. So, okay. So this is a really awkward position for me

00:19:52.620 is, you know, somebody who wants to ask these questions, but I think it's important. And I

00:19:55.680 think you wouldn't have written this book and putting yourself out there. If you weren't

00:19:58.260 interested in having these conversations, when you had that gun to your mouth, do you think that

00:20:02.840 the reason you were dry firing and trying to find that, that, that fire point, if you will,

00:20:08.940 do you think that's because you didn't really want to kill yourself or like, why wouldn't

00:20:13.320 you just, and again, it's really awkward. Why wouldn't you just stick in your mouth and

00:20:16.440 shoot yourself? It's really awkward, but I'm trying to get to the bottom of this. Cause

00:20:19.380 I know a lot of guys are dealing with this.

00:20:21.420 Yes. No, a great question, man. I don't have the right answer, but I can tell you the moments

00:20:25.760 leading up to that. I, uh, I was driving my car that, that same evening. I don't think I

00:20:31.340 had the balls to do it. I wanted to do it, but I just don't think I had the balls to.

00:20:35.320 And what, what I mean by that is I got really drunk that night and drove my car down the

00:20:40.420 interstate at triple digit speeds, eastbound and westbound on interstate 26 for, for a

00:20:45.240 long way. And I joke about how the state troopers must all been at the waffle house that night

00:20:49.000 cause they damn sure were on the roads. Um, I was hoping that I would lose control of my

00:20:53.460 vehicle. And it was one of the most selfish things I've ever done because I put other people

00:20:56.960 in danger, but I have to talk about that because it's the truth. Um, but I made it back home

00:21:02.360 safely. And that's when I walked in the house, I called my mom. I knew I was going to kill

00:21:07.480 myself. I gave her a call and told her I loved her and everything. And she told me years later

00:21:11.660 after that conversation that she felt that something was really wrong and I was going

00:21:15.400 to hurt myself, but she didn't want to have that conversation out of fear that it would

00:21:20.720 lead me into doing it. Um, but it just didn't, I think I was just tempting fate, man. And if it

00:21:27.800 happened, it happened. And if it didn't, it didn't. And it didn't happen. And I'm grateful

00:21:31.580 for that because we're on to live a very wonderful life. And I'm starting to do, or I have been

00:21:36.560 doing a lot of things that I'm extremely proud of.

00:21:39.600 Did your mom have guilt about that situation? I'm sure you've shared a lot of this stuff

00:21:44.380 with her. Does she have guilt that she didn't try to intervene or say something or do something

00:21:49.080 differently that, that evening?

00:21:50.420 Yeah, we've, we've discussed it. And she just, she said that I w I was afraid that if I brought

00:21:55.060 it up, it would actually push you into doing it. So she said, I hung up the phone and she

00:22:00.060 prayed on it. I'm not a religious person at all, but she said that she prayed that I would

00:22:03.580 be okay. And, um, here I am.

00:22:07.920 Dang, man. That's crazy.

00:22:09.860 Yeah, no, for sure. And it's, you know, I've talked with a lot of guys that are in very similar

00:22:15.440 situations. Um, not the same, obviously it's different for everybody, but, uh, I've, I've

00:22:21.200 personally never been there, so I don't, I don't know what it's like. And I tend to be

00:22:25.000 of the camp and I'm sure you have been for a very long time where my default is to say,

00:22:29.060 just toughen up. Like, yeah, shit sucks. You know, you had a bad situation. You saw people

00:22:34.020 die. You, you, you went through these circumstances and I'm not trying to say that pointed at you

00:22:38.560 or diminish that, but I I've always felt that way, but I haven't dealt with this stuff.

00:22:43.080 So I'm sure growing up, you were kind of that same camper mentality as well. So how did

00:22:48.420 you overcome? Okay. Just toughen up and stop being a little bitch to, okay, I, I need help.

00:22:55.680 Like I genuinely need help. And how did that transition work for you?

00:22:59.820 So I grew up with, uh, with a very tough dad and he taught me that way. And I'm that way

00:23:04.620 with my children. I firmly believe in, we have to be able to shoulder whatever we're going

00:23:10.520 through. Okay. Um, we just have to find a way to get over that hump, whatever it may be.

00:23:16.660 And what I found is, um, mine was through communication. Okay. We were always led to

00:23:23.600 believe that if you talk about these things, you're less of a man. If you talk, if I were

00:23:28.720 to come to you and say, Ryan, man, that call, we just went on with those three dead people.

00:23:32.020 It's really fucking me up. We didn't do that in my, my professions because we were looked

00:23:37.120 down upon. We felt that we were, um, less of a man or we were weak or we were mentally unstable

00:23:43.760 and we couldn't handle it. So we did what we called suck it up. Right. I talk about this

00:23:48.020 in my speeches. Well, we suck it up so much in these professions that we're killing one

00:23:53.620 another because we suck it up and we have nowhere to let it go. And I tell folks, you

00:23:58.020 have three options. When you get to these points, you can suck it up to the point where

00:24:02.320 your head is going to literally explode and you're going to do yourself some harm.

00:24:05.380 Like in my case, um, it's like a water balloon to when you put so much water, it causes it

00:24:11.260 to blow up to, you can cut back on the trauma that's affecting you and like take a different

00:24:15.940 assignment or whatnot, or three, which is the best option is communicate with someone, go

00:24:20.400 get professional help. You got to let this shit out. So if you were to squeeze that balloon

00:24:23.780 and let a little of that trauma out, you know, um, that's what I found extremely helpful

00:24:29.240 for me. It was after looking down on counselors that were, they were never in our position

00:24:35.920 holding dead children in their hands, holding their burnup friends in their hands. Eventually

00:24:40.480 I started, I had no choice, but to talk to somebody because I, I didn't want to put guns

00:24:44.600 in my mouth anymore. You know, I wanted to be here. I wanted to be a constructive citizen.

00:24:48.900 I wanted to, to, um, to, to continue to be a fireman. So I was ready to do whatever it

00:24:55.680 took. And I went to get help, but like I say, it was too late, but that's why now I'm

00:24:59.100 an advocate for that. Those, those people are there to help guys and girls like me.

00:25:03.520 When you feel you have nowhere else to turn.

00:25:06.320 How did you feel or overcome that, that hesitation of dealing and talking with somebody who's

00:25:12.740 frankly, never, ever, and will never, ever even remotely step into the shoes that you've

00:25:18.980 had to fill over the past, you know, well, the entirety of your life.

00:25:23.380 Uh, it's one of those things where you literally have to hit rock bottom. You, you have

00:25:28.960 to be at the bottom with no hope left in your soul. Nobody's going to throw you a lifeline

00:25:35.840 down a rope to say, Hey, come on up. You have to make that decision for yourself. You're

00:25:40.080 like, if I'm going to get out of this hole, it's going to be my responsibility alone.

00:25:44.540 I need to have the fortitude to step forward and go ask for the help that I damn well deserve.

00:25:48.840 And that's what I did.

00:25:50.680 And, but, but what was, what was the hardest part in communicating with somebody?

00:25:56.380 And then when did you finally recognize that somebody who may have never been in your specific

00:26:00.960 shoes could actually help you? Right. Cause I mean, very few people have had to go into a burning

00:26:07.100 building and attempt to rescue nine of their brothers. Very few people have gone overseas and

00:26:13.300 had to protect themselves and their brothers next to them by shooting at other people. Very few

00:26:18.860 people. Fortunately, we live in a beautiful society that, that that doesn't happen all that often.

00:26:24.520 So the people you're talking with, who are going to give you help, don't know what that's like.

00:26:29.700 So you have this fear of judgment before you go in there and it's, you know, I can, I can talk

00:26:34.540 with my friends possibly because they relate to me. My fear was, how am I going to go in there,

00:26:39.480 have this discussion with someone that I can't relate with. And honestly, that was the best thing

00:26:44.300 that could have ever happened. Cause when I walked in, they were just there to listen. And dude,

00:26:48.680 when I tell you, I sat down, I was apprehensive. I was like, I don't, I don't know how much I want

00:26:52.740 to tell this person, man. I poured my eyes out and my soul to this human being who later became

00:26:58.080 a long-term therapist for me for over eight years. She's since retired, but she led me to another

00:27:03.220 therapist who I've had a beautiful relationship with. And 13 years later, I still see someone.

00:27:08.840 And it was the best thing that could have happened because they're nonjudgmental. They don't try to

00:27:12.960 put themselves in your shoes. They don't try to understand that. They don't try to live your life.

00:27:19.660 They're just there to listen to you and help you identify some behavioral traits that you may not

00:27:24.380 have recognized yourself. And it's a beautiful, beautiful thing. Why, why do you still go to

00:27:31.160 therapy? I mean, you seem like you have things dialed in, locked down. Why is that still important to you?

00:27:35.780 Oh man, it's constant minutes. Things are not dialed in. Things are not locked down. And that's

00:27:41.280 me being 100% honest. I still struggle. I still, I still battle every single day, maybe not to the

00:27:47.000 point that I was once at. But I still definitely have my problems. And that's why I still actually

00:27:53.560 just locked in an appointment for next week. You have to constantly do maintenance. It's like your body,

00:27:59.040 you with jujitsu, right? You don't get to a level where you think, all right, I'm good.

00:28:02.640 If you want to stay on top of that and stay better and keep improving as a man, right? This is about

00:28:09.020 learning about ourselves as well. Keep going and you keep doing that maintenance.

00:28:13.720 What's your, so you said you still struggle, you still have hard times. What are, what are your

00:28:17.580 biggest struggles now?

00:28:19.640 Sometimes I feel like, you know, I had this thing for a long time. I didn't feel like I had any purpose

00:28:25.360 in life. And, you know, when you bounce from Marines to police to fire, and then you get out and you're

00:28:31.800 doing comedy. Comedy is fun and everything. But I quit for three years when my youngest daughter

00:28:36.400 was born so I could be around. And I was, I was a proud father, but man, I felt empty inside because

00:28:41.940 I wasn't doing what I felt like I needed to be doing in this life. And things got very, very bad

00:28:49.020 for me, struggling to find that purpose. And so that's why I went back to comedy. And now comedy

00:28:54.820 was rolling really hard. And then 2020 came around and they, they took my dates from me and I still

00:29:01.120 have engagements going on here and there, but a guy like me, I'm sitting at home when I'm sitting at

00:29:06.140 home every day, just sitting idle. And I think most people in my former professions, they relate to

00:29:11.740 this. We have to feel like we're making the most with the time we're given. And sometimes when you're

00:29:16.940 just sitting at home with nothing to do, you just get lost in your thoughts. And that was very,

00:29:21.720 very difficult for me. That's why this thing came out. I dove, I dove into writing my story

00:29:31.740 and how I was able to, I wouldn't say overcome, but make the most to the hand that was dealt for me

00:29:38.340 and going to live this productive life that I'm living. And, um, I couldn't be more excited about

00:29:44.400 things that, that are, that lie ahead. Well, I bet it's very rewarding. Not, not, not only is it

00:29:50.240 probably very therapeutic for you to write this stuff out, but I bet it's very rewarding as you

00:29:54.260 hear people who have gone through this book, uh, and, and read it and are now getting the help they

00:30:00.740 need, uh, turning, turning inwards and reflecting upon themselves and changing who they are as,

00:30:08.740 as a result of the work that you're doing, which is you just documenting your life and the struggles

00:30:13.080 and the ups and downs and everything else. Man, I'll tell you, I've, uh, so I was so open and honest

00:30:18.260 in this book and transparent and nobody's, nobody's doing that. I didn't set out to write this book

00:30:24.140 for it to become a bestseller. I didn't do any of that. I said, I'm going to write a book and I'm

00:30:28.320 going to be as open and honest with myself to try to understand myself a little bit better. So I wrote

00:30:33.060 it, self-published it, and it has gained legs. Like I can't even explain in the emergency services and

00:30:39.500 in the military because of guys and girls just like me who don't feel like they can express what

00:30:46.160 they're going through. And I literally have gotten thousands of emails and messages through

00:30:51.820 Instagram. Thank you, man. You, you have made me realize that I too need help. And I went and got

00:30:59.180 help a few months ago and I'm a better person for my family. And it just, it's, it's an overwhelming

00:31:03.860 feeling. I'm not saying I'm a godsend by any means, but nobody community was talking about this

00:31:09.320 stuff. It just needed to be set. And so I just stepped up, set it and it's out there.

00:31:14.860 All right, man. I know we're knee deep in this powerful conversation. I do have to take a quick

00:31:19.920 break because I want to mention something to you. It's actually kind of aligned with what we've been

00:31:23.840 talking about today. You know, it's the 25th. All right. That means we have a week to go until the

00:31:29.320 new year. So my question to you is what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do and do

00:31:34.120 to ensure even using some of the same information that Travis has been sharing today,

00:31:38.860 to ensure that 2021, uh, isn't the same for you as 2020 was now. I know you've probably got some

00:31:46.880 ideas and maybe you have some plans, but in all reality, you probably lack a specific strategy

00:31:52.080 for ensuring that that is the case. So if you don't have something in place and you don't know

00:31:59.500 exactly what that's going to look like, you've got some rough ideas. What I need you to do is I need

00:32:02.900 you to sign up for a free battle ready course. This is going to walk you through the exact same

00:32:08.200 strategies that, that I used to lift myself from desperation and obscurity to leading myself

00:32:15.060 effectively in my family. And now at this point, the hundreds of thousands of men who are part of

00:32:19.680 the order. If you want the framework and you want to thrive in 2021, get signed up. It's free.

00:32:26.320 It's easy to sign up. Now it does require a commitment from you to put in the work.

00:32:29.800 It's very simple, but it's not easy, but it will transform your life. And that's what we're

00:32:35.680 all about here. Transforming your life. So you can transform the lives of the people that you

00:32:39.960 have responsibility for. So get signed up quickly. You can do it after the podcast. You can do that

00:32:44.340 at order of man.com slash battle ready order of man.com slash battle ready. Again, do that after

00:32:51.040 the conversation. Let's finish things up for now with Travis. No, it's powerful. What? So one of

00:32:57.400 the things that I hear a lot from the guys that tune into what we're doing, because I wrote a book

00:33:01.000 couple of years ago called sovereignty. And I talk about recapturing some of the authority and power

00:33:06.800 and control over your own life and not giving it to other people and other institutions and things like

00:33:11.700 this. And there's a lot of misconception about what that means and how that looks. And so I know

00:33:17.560 one of the questions some men will be asking themselves is, is turning to a therapist is

00:33:23.820 turning outwards is going to seek that help diminishing or relinquishing some of the power

00:33:29.660 and authority and sovereignty you have over yourself. Yeah, I can, I can, I can understand that.

00:33:36.080 Um, I don't, I don't know the right way to answer that other than, you know, if, if you feel like

00:33:42.780 you're in a place where you have nothing left, that's where I was, I had to relinquish it. I had

00:33:50.120 no choice because holding onto it would just had me in a, in a very dark place and it was hurting

00:33:54.620 everybody around me, you know, and I didn't want to do that anymore. And I felt like I have some

00:33:58.860 level of responsibility here to be the best person that I can be. And the only way to do that is to,

00:34:05.960 to, to, to lean on someone to go and get that help. You know, I used to be the guy in the firehouse.

00:34:10.560 I would tell guys to their face, if you go to see a therapist, you're a fucking pussy.

00:34:14.320 I would do that. And I would make guys feel like if they got help, they were less of a man for doing

00:34:20.200 that because I was hiding behind my own injuries. And that was honestly, it was one of the most

00:34:25.300 cowardly things I'd ever done in my life because I, who was I to say if someone could, should go get

00:34:31.760 help or not, you know, if they needed help, man, they should definitely go get it. And I probably kept

00:34:36.360 people from getting help, but not anymore. You know, I think you're more of a man to recognize

00:34:43.620 the fact that you have an issue and that you may, you may not be able to fix it at all. As hard as

00:34:49.440 you have tried, you may have to go to somebody else. Why do we do that though? As men? I think,

00:34:54.740 I think that's generally speaking, I think that's more indicative of what men would say and how we

00:34:59.620 behave, but why do we do that? Why do we do what? Why, why do we, why do we both, why do we refuse

00:35:05.960 to get help for ourselves? And why do we diminish when other men attempt to go get help for themselves?

00:35:10.900 I think it's a, uh, I think it's a pride thing. Maybe I'd say, uh, we're, we're masking ourself

00:35:19.960 possibly as being more alpha than we really are. You know, I know that's, that's, that's what I was

00:35:27.300 doing. I almost felt like a, uh, you ever hear about those gay NFL athletes in the NFL? They

00:35:32.480 just, uh, they, they, they never come out of the closet because they're too afraid. They have this

00:35:36.140 manly image to uphold and they're out there busting up other guys and stuff on the line.

00:35:40.380 And that's honestly how I felt, man. I just felt like a, like, like I was in the closet with this

00:35:44.920 thing and I just couldn't reach out and get the help out of sheer, out of judgment and embarrassment.

00:35:50.320 Um, so I don't, I don't have a solid concrete answer for that. Um, but that's why when I do

00:35:56.800 speak, I'm, I'm, I'm showing people, look, I was alpha of alpha and I can go out and get

00:36:02.400 help. And you can too. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

00:36:05.900 Well, I think that's probably why people resonate because you're not this little wiry, spindly,

00:36:11.660 emotional, you know, like beta, beta. Like you're not the, the quintessential

00:36:19.540 stereotypical, like I need help, please help me. And I can't do this for myself. You know what I

00:36:25.820 mean? So I think that's, I need, I think that's why people, men probably resonate because they

00:36:30.080 look at this hard ass and they think, all right, well, here's a big, strong guy. He's been in the

00:36:33.920 military. He's been in a firefighter. He's been in law enforcement and he's the one telling us that

00:36:39.340 we need, it's almost like a, like an oxymoron a little bit. And that's, that's interesting.

00:36:44.220 Cause I think a lot of them, a lot of guys view themselves like you, strong, bold, assertive,

00:36:49.340 capable protector, provider, presider, the things that we talk about. And yet you're the one saying

00:36:55.040 it's okay to get the help that you need. I think that's why it resonates.

00:36:59.180 Well, it's important too, man. I'm a father. I'm a husband. Now I have, there's more people that

00:37:03.220 depend on me now than when I was a single man. And I was threatening to throw fire academy instructors

00:37:10.240 out of, you know, our, our fire academy or our drill tower, five story drill tower. And here in

00:37:15.440 Charleston, I was beating up our training staff in that training building. And you would think,

00:37:22.000 oh, that's a macho thing to do. No, man, I was fucked up and I was very sick and I don't want

00:37:27.200 to be that guy anymore. I don't want to be putting my hands on people anymore. I'm an older man,

00:37:31.100 42. I don't have no business doing that stuff. Those things happen. I want to be the best provider

00:37:36.100 and husband and protector for my children that I can possibly be. And that's why I continue to get

00:37:40.920 that maintenance, man. So I don't end up back in those dark places. And I continue,

00:37:45.420 you know, I just bought a farm. You know, I don't know if you saw the, I mean, about your

00:37:49.280 tractors a while back. I was going to get to your tractors, but I'd always want to, I always wanted

00:37:53.200 my farm because I know the thing that brings me peace is solitude. And I need that. And for me to

00:37:59.000 be the best human being that I can be, I have to do the things that I want to go do. So I bought a farm

00:38:04.640 and man, I'm out there all the time, just doing shit. I don't know how to do anything.

00:38:07.200 Isn't it awesome? No, but you figure it out. I was walking in the woods. We have a creek back

00:38:11.700 there with my dog yesterday. It's just she and I, and we were just walking around having a good

00:38:14.700 time, man. And then I had to come back to the city last night, um, an hour in to be with my

00:38:20.100 family and I'm already going nuts, ready to go back out there. So. Oh, so you guys don't live.

00:38:24.060 Your family doesn't live on the farm. You have a farm independent and separate of where you guys

00:38:27.340 live. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's an hour away. So I can just get out there when I want to. I'm

00:38:31.700 actually, as soon as I'm done here, I'm going out there. How do you, how do you balance taking

00:38:37.160 that time for yourself that you know, you need the personal time with you and your dog and being

00:38:40.820 out on the tractors and out of the farm. Uh, and then knowing, like you said, that you've got a wife

00:38:45.800 and you've got kids and you've got other responsibilities and you need to be able to

00:38:49.160 project and not, not project, but you need to serve other people, but you also need to serve

00:38:54.080 yourself. So how do you balance that? So that is the, uh, that's the million dollar

00:38:59.000 question. And here's the answer. It's, you have to find that balance and only you can find that.

00:39:05.360 When I got burned out with comedy the first time I was on the road 42, 43 weeks a year for six years

00:39:11.900 straight. Dang. Really? I was never, I was never home. And I was watching my kid grow up. I was in

00:39:16.940 Japan doing a show, the military and I'm watching my oldest daughter on FaceTime. And I remember

00:39:21.780 thinking, man, I'm a douchebag dad. I'm doing this because I want to be doing this. And I have a kid

00:39:26.680 at home that depends on me. And then I had to come back and do some TV stuff in LA. And it's

00:39:30.900 just, when I finished that, I had to have a long and hard conversation with myself. Am I going to

00:39:37.000 be that kind of father who's not present? Or am I going to be that dad that I need to put this shit

00:39:41.440 on hold and be very present? So I chose to put everything else on hold while we had our second

00:39:46.020 kid. Then when she was three, I decided to get back into it. And now that the cool thing is I found

00:39:51.840 that balance. Even when 2020 was my calendar was full, I will say a no to things that I wouldn't

00:39:57.880 have said no to a long time ago because I was like, I need to be home. Yeah. So to answer your

00:40:02.800 question, now I go to the farm a couple of days a week. I'm home a couple of days a week. I'm here

00:40:07.360 for dinner. I see my kids off to school. I go out there for the day and I'm back home by the time

00:40:11.860 they get home from school, you know, cause it's close enough. And I chose to buy a farm that I can get

00:40:17.820 to that quickly so I can get home and have that balance. Do you feel like you've ever had to

00:40:23.320 sacrifice your own personal ambitions or your career aspirations? And how do you come to terms

00:40:30.660 with that? If that's the case? Man, let me tell you that. So great question. I sacrificed a lot

00:40:37.820 as we all do when we have family, you know, I'm not the only one that's done that shit. My wife

00:40:42.820 sacrificed more than I could ever imagine. But with me, what I was going through, I was

00:40:47.640 extremely selfish. And, uh, I felt like I had, I had, I had some really big opportunities out West

00:40:52.880 in LA and we didn't move. And honestly, I was resentful towards her for that. It wasn't her

00:40:58.260 fault, but that was me being weak, finding excuses versus me owning that saying, you know what I chose

00:41:05.740 at the end of the day, it was my choice to stay here. You know, um, she didn't keep me from doing

00:41:10.940 that, but it was just easier at the time when I just was really mentally unhealthy to blame somebody

00:41:16.560 else for my problems. Um, so it took a long while after I accepted everything and, and, uh, you know,

00:41:23.500 I write about ownership and acceptance in my book and it took a while, but, um, now it's, I'm, I'm fine

00:41:31.080 with the decisions that I made because they were all my decisions, but you know, yeah, I did sacrifice

00:41:35.840 a lot to be here with my family, but you know what, looking back, I wouldn't have it any other way.

00:41:40.200 Cause at the end of this day, at the end of the day, this is what we have. We have our family

00:41:44.300 and none of this other shit matters. Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, I very much the same boat. I feel

00:41:49.920 like it's almost like sacrifice. Isn't the right word. It feels like it in the moment because we're

00:41:56.220 giving something up, right? That's the point of sacrifice. You give up something that's valuable

00:42:00.620 to you. If it wasn't valuable, it wouldn't be a sacrifice, but over the long periods of time

00:42:07.240 of our lives, we, at least for me anyways, is I've realized that that isn't actually really

00:42:13.760 a sacrifice because what I get in return is so much greater than what I gave up. So I choose

00:42:19.580 to look at it more of an investment rather than a sacrifice. Yeah. That's a great way to look at it,

00:42:26.820 man. Cause I'm going to tell you, I wouldn't trade these hugs that I get from these little girls.

00:42:30.760 Man, I got, look at this. I got right here on my desk, these little, I love you notes. Cause I was

00:42:34.460 in Myrtle beach performing this week and Myrtle beach is an hour from my house. And I had to go

00:42:39.620 up there and perform for, uh, five nights or four nights. And, uh, while I was gone, I got multiple,

00:42:45.720 I come home to this shit on my desk, all these little letters and stuff. I mean, you can't trade

00:42:51.020 that for the world and there's no place I'd rather be right now, but daddy does have to go out every

00:42:56.160 once in a while and get, get his head right. And comedy is what does that for me. I, you know,

00:43:01.940 I step away for a couple of days and I go have my fun and do my thing, make people laugh. And then

00:43:06.640 I come back home and I'm dead. Yeah. Do you ever feel like an imposter? You know, you look at your,

00:43:13.020 you look at your life and you look at your history and you think, okay, well, here's,

00:43:16.560 here's where I was. And I think sometimes we have a tendency of attaching our identity to who we used

00:43:24.240 to be five, 10, 20, 30 years ago. And we can't ever, like you talked about ownership and acceptance.

00:43:30.040 We don't ever let it to go to the point where it's like, okay, that was me. Yes,

00:43:34.920 but it's not me now. And if we can't let it go, what I've seen a lot of guys fall into is imposter

00:43:39.680 syndrome. Like who am I to tell people how to overcome this shit when I'm in the thick of it?

00:43:45.060 Who am I to try to make people laugh when, you know, I might feel miserable inside. And so we have

00:43:50.520 this imposter syndrome and it keeps us from doing what could really serve us and other people.

00:43:55.060 I don't really, I don't feel like an imposter because I've lived this stuff and I've seen

00:43:59.940 the fruits of my labor from it. You know, I've seen the effect that it has when I, when I speak to,

00:44:05.100 you know, the national fraternal order of police, you know, in Nashville, I spoke to them very,

00:44:10.880 very open and a matter of, as a matter of fact, and they came up one by one and guys and girls were

00:44:17.300 pouring their heart. So I see the effects that it has, you know, and I, I think I'd be more of an

00:44:22.300 imposter if I sat here and told you, I didn't still have problems, you know, and I beat this

00:44:26.020 thing. You know, that would be, I think me being an imposter. Um, now I'm, I'm, I'm an average human

00:44:32.160 being. I used to be all these things. I'm comfortable with who I am. I'm actually proud for

00:44:36.900 once. And this is the first time I've ever said it. I'm proud of the man that I've become and who I

00:44:41.640 am and what I stand for. Because for over a decade, man, I was very, very, um, unhappy with who I was,

00:44:49.280 you know, and now finally, I feel like all these things in my life have happened. I'm not a

00:44:55.400 spiritual person. I'm not, I'm not a religious person, but I feel like my life has been redirected

00:45:00.620 to put me exactly where I need to be doing what I need to be doing. And you know what? It may

00:45:06.700 redirect me again in another year or two. And I may be doing something else. I may be building toys for

00:45:11.000 some fucking Christmas company who knows, but that, and when I do it, I'm going to do the best that I

00:45:15.680 can with it. When that goes white, you can, you can definitely play that part and be Santa Claus

00:45:19.820 or something, right? Yeah. I can be Claus, man. That's right. So I'm just trying to enjoy the time

00:45:24.240 that I have. It's interesting because you're using this term redirect, but you're using it as a way

00:45:28.820 of like some third party or third entity, but you're also not saying you're not spiritual. So

00:45:33.780 am I misunderstanding? Like, how do you, how do you define that? I don't know. I don't know,

00:45:39.160 man. I know it sounds crazy because I hear myself saying it. Maybe I am spiritual. I'm just not,

00:45:43.380 I'm not acknowledging it or I'm not accepting that. Maybe I should. But I look back, you know,

00:45:50.160 and I talk about this in my book. I had a lot of different shitty things happen and you could

00:45:54.100 easily say, man, I should have just given up or whatever, but I never did. And all these big

00:45:59.560 events started happening and it led me to this really amazing, beautiful life that I have had

00:46:05.040 any of that stuff not happen. I wouldn't be sitting here talking with you and I wouldn't be holding up

00:46:09.360 these love letters from the kids. You know what I mean? So a lot of times when these shitty things

00:46:13.020 happen, our first inkling is to have a pity party, to feel sorry for ourselves and try to figure out

00:46:19.380 why do these things happen? Well, you know what? If I can happen, press on, right? Yes. That's it.

00:46:27.440 We're never going to know. We can ask why all day long. We're never going to have the answers. And

00:46:31.260 honestly, if you had the answer, you wouldn't be happy with it. So why ask it?

00:46:34.120 Yeah, that's a good, that's a good way of looking at it. I do think that we

00:46:40.200 just naturally have a desire to figure things out because I think we're looking for patterns.

00:46:46.980 And I think we're like it, for example, if we had, you know, if we had a shitty upbringing,

00:46:51.640 you know, maybe parents weren't around or they were abusive or, you know, some tragic situation or

00:46:56.180 circumstance, we would look for a reason for it as a defense mechanism, right? Because if it's me and

00:47:02.000 I did these things and it's my fault, then if I behave and do something differently,

00:47:06.400 then that won't happen to me. And so I think we're looking for patterns and we're looking for

00:47:12.240 self-preservation information so that we don't fall into those same traps that we did before.

00:47:19.920 You're right. I heard a shitty excuse the other day. I was working, I was at this comedy venue and

00:47:25.920 one of the staff that was there, she was in a bad mood. And I said, girl, what's wrong with you?

00:47:29.880 And she goes, oh, I'm just in a bad mood. I'm a mean person. And I said, well, why are you so

00:47:33.840 mean? And she goes, oh, you don't understand my upbringing. You know, I hadn't raised myself at

00:47:37.600 14 and my parents treated me like shit. I was sitting there thinking, man, and you're still

00:47:42.440 putting that vibe out. Like, when are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get the fuck

00:47:47.800 over it and press on and have a great life? Because you're pulling yourself down. Nobody else is even

00:47:53.020 pulling you down. You're pulling yourself down.

00:47:54.880 Yeah. You know, it's interesting because all of that stuff she was saying, and I don't know

00:47:59.940 the nuance of your conversation, but there's, there's probably some truth and validity to it,

00:48:04.660 right? She probably had parents who weren't around. Maybe they were abusive. Maybe we're in

00:48:07.660 the drugs. Who knows? We're making all kinds of stuff up at this point, but I know people come from

00:48:11.340 that background. And so there's validity to the story we're saying. And still at some point as a

00:48:19.720 grown-ass adult, you have to say, and you said this earlier, what happened, happened. And that

00:48:27.480 was the deal. I can't go back and change it. I can't, I can't become somebody different. I can't

00:48:32.240 experience something different than I did before. I just have to put a stake in it and say, okay,

00:48:36.660 that's what happened. Time to move on. Time to move on.

00:48:39.740 How did you do that when, so let me say this a little differently. You know, with my time in

00:48:48.780 the military service, I felt a tremendous sense of, of worth and purpose and significance. I think

00:48:55.740 a lot of that is, is probably trained into you right through our training and things like that.

00:49:01.200 But, but there's a lot of just satisfaction that comes with the work that's, that's being done.

00:49:08.160 And a lot of it is external, like it's shared with you. And then you just adopt it and embrace it and

00:49:12.800 you assimilate to it. That's how I felt in the military anyways. And then you leave. So you're

00:49:19.140 no longer in the military or you're no longer with the, the, the police department. You're no longer

00:49:24.360 in firefighting. Now you're on your own and you have to begin to find some of that purpose and mission,

00:49:29.080 but it didn't, I can't imagine. You just went straight from, oh yeah, they kicked me out of

00:49:34.020 the fire department or politely asked me to leave. Uh, and now I'm going to do comedy and like

00:49:39.400 no steps in between. So fortunately for me, I was already doing comedy while I was still at the

00:49:46.700 fire department and I worked for, bro, I worked for two years doing comedy. That was my side business.

00:49:51.420 So a lot of guys cut grass and they're electricians and plumbers and shit. Sure. I did two things. I owned a

00:49:56.540 limousine company and I did comedy for fun. And the cool thing about the, uh, the comedy was I got

00:50:03.680 really fortunate and caught some really big breaks early on. So when I was asked politely to leave the

00:50:09.380 fire service, man, I stepped out and I was gone. I had an agent and I was gone. I never looked back

00:50:14.640 and I got lucky, honestly, because had that have not happened, I would have just been at bars doing

00:50:20.300 these little bar shows, you know, begging, begging for whatever scraps I could get money wise. Um,

00:50:26.080 but I was, I was hurled into it. And when I was ready, I called, I called my agent and I said,

00:50:29.900 Hey, look, this just happened. Um, I don't have a choice. Put, make me as busy as we can possibly do.

00:50:35.720 He's like, okay, boom, 46 weeks a year. Here we go. Wow. So did he, so you talked about those early

00:50:42.580 breaks. Was that your agent that set those up for you? Like, how did those, how did those come about?

00:50:47.540 Yeah. That was all me. And when I say breaks, it wasn't anything phenomenal. And it was,

00:50:52.160 it wasn't like you were going to go open for Joe Rogan or something. Uh, no, I actually ended up

00:50:57.940 opening for Kevin Hart. Um, not Joe Rogan, but maybe even better in the comedy world, frankly.

00:51:03.880 I mean, Joe's great, but, uh, no doubt. Um, Joe, Kevin was also great, you know, and, uh, this was

00:51:11.160 right before Kevin really, really made it big. I mean, he was right there on the cusp and he was about

00:51:16.020 to break for me when I'm talking about it. And for just being an open mic comedian, doing bar shows

00:51:21.940 for fun and doing a couple of clubs every once in a while to doing clubs full time, bypassing,

00:51:30.660 um, the open mic status, going straight to what we call a feature act. Who's the middle guy.

00:51:36.580 Um, I did that in two years and I was the middle guy within a two year period. And that,

00:51:41.400 how long would that traditionally take for, for somebody, you know, in a standard route?

00:51:45.480 I know guys that they're 10 years in barely the middle guy, barely. Wow. Yeah. You know,

00:51:52.260 and then there's some that they'll do it in six or five, but I did it. I did comedy for here's the

00:51:58.180 truth is I did it for about four months before I got my first feature work at a real club.

00:52:03.400 And it was because I won a comedy competition. Had it not been for that, my road would have been

00:52:08.520 different. But as soon as I got that first feature spot, the headliner I was working with liked me

00:52:13.500 and he started turning me on to all these other places. And I started getting noticed more. And

00:52:17.740 before I knew it, I was, I was working a lot on my own. And then I had an agent working with me

00:52:22.240 that got me more work. So it just kind of, you know, steamrolled from there.

00:52:27.340 So why you, I mean, look, there's, there's guys, like you said, I've been doing it 10 years. So

00:52:31.960 what is it about you? Like, you don't have to be humble or bashful here. Like,

00:52:35.340 what is it about you that it's like, yeah, I, I did it in six months.

00:52:40.800 Um, I think with me, I, uh, I talk a very, this didn't happen right away, but I talk openly

00:52:49.000 about my life as being a fireman, being a police officer and a firefighter and very blue collar

00:52:52.540 about growing up in the South and being a husband and stuff like that. And I think that all that stuff

00:52:56.960 is extremely relatable to my target audience, who is emergency responders, supporters of emergency

00:53:03.260 responders, military supporters of military shit. There's 28 million veterans in this country alone.

00:53:08.220 You know what I mean? And think about every one of them. Yeah. Something like that. It's some

00:53:11.660 astronomical number. Every one of them has a family member, you know, that supports military. So, uh,

00:53:17.600 with all of that being said, uh, I think that they just find these little, um, snippets of things

00:53:23.300 that they relate to. Um, I piss off a lot of Navy people with my jokes. Um, by design or just

00:53:29.400 unintentionally. Yeah. Yeah. Marine Corps and Navy, we butt heads all the time. I love

00:53:33.380 telling Navy jokes. Shit. I'll be in Pensacola, Florida coming up, uh, next week. I can't wait

00:53:37.920 to get down there. I think there's a bunch of tickets sold to someone. Good bit of them are

00:53:41.560 Navy. That should be a, that should be interesting. Yeah. I mean, look, I'm not, not totally familiar

00:53:46.720 with the comedy scene. I actually have seen Joe Rogan perform, uh, in California. This was

00:53:51.640 several years ago and I've seen some other live performances and it just seems to me, it's

00:53:55.460 like your whole goal is to piss off the right group of people. That's kind of what it seems

00:53:59.240 like to me. In a fun way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fun way. Great. But yeah, you piss them off

00:54:04.000 in the wrong way. You definitely need to leave out of the back entrance and never look back.

00:54:07.360 Yeah. I mean, I don't think, I don't think comedians are, well, I mean, some of them

00:54:11.340 I'm sure, but from what I've seen are not mean spirited. It's just, this is how we deal

00:54:15.480 with things. This is how we talk about taboo subjects that the rest of society won't talk

00:54:20.760 about. We make fun of it and we mock it and we poke at it so that it alleviates some of the

00:54:26.440 pressure because nobody else is willing to talk about it.

00:54:29.240 Yeah, man. And you know, what's crazy is, um, man, with, with, with everything going

00:54:33.640 on with all the butt hurting us out here and the sensitivity towards freedom of speech and

00:54:37.600 all that, a lot of guys, they're kind of, they're kind of pulling away from that, especially

00:54:40.840 if you're not a known guy, because right now things that you say can make or break your

00:54:45.740 career. I'm not trying to be a famous comedian. Look, I do this for me. I do it for fun.

00:54:50.640 So I don't give a shit if anything ever happens with it or not. I do the best that I can

00:54:53.720 do everywhere I go and I just enjoy doing it. Right. Yeah. Um, having said that I learned

00:54:59.640 with what I do, I, I talk about me the entire time, but while I'm doing so, I talk about other

00:55:05.660 people. Like I wrote other branches of the military into it. Um, I wrote other parents

00:55:10.920 into it when I'm doing, you know, um, jokes about my kids and shit. Cause I don't pretend

00:55:15.380 to be like, I've been this wonderful father, man. I was, I was hard to deal with, especially

00:55:20.140 when I kid, kid was a toddler. I had this fucking 20 minute joke on just being a dad of a toddler

00:55:24.640 and how I'm not the guy you want locked in a room with a toddler arguing about what color

00:55:28.580 popsicle they did or did not get, you know, cause I'm fucked up. Um, so I talk about all

00:55:33.420 kinds of stuff like that and it's just, it's a good time.

00:55:36.900 Yeah. I can see how it, uh, how it definitely, it's just, it's so stupid. There's no other way

00:55:41.920 to say it. It's just so stupid that in, in, in the, the world of comedy that even something

00:55:48.920 a comedian would say is out of bounds or out of line. I'm like, that's the point.

00:55:55.060 The point is they are allowed to go out of bounds where nobody else is. So why are we limiting

00:56:00.960 these people? Please let us have an outlet because it's so cool to have your feelings hurt these days.

00:56:07.260 Yeah, that's true. Everybody wants to be offended. Everybody wants to be offended.

00:56:11.580 Yeah. I think I made a post on Twitter the other day and I said, you know, that's, uh,

00:56:15.320 I'm just paraphrasing here, but so something along the lines of it's we've, we've got to this point

00:56:21.780 where it's, it's more important to feel virtuous than to actually be virtuous. So there's a lot of

00:56:29.960 virtue points coming through signaling and projecting and feeling slighted and being a victim

00:56:35.660 rather than actually overcoming that strengthening your resolve physically, mentally, emotionally.

00:56:42.060 a lot of the things that we've talked about in this podcast, that's where the real virtue comes

00:56:45.540 from, you know, not to be dark, but I think so many people have not experienced true hardships.

00:56:51.900 You know what I mean? And they, by saying that, I mean, you would really find out what's important

00:56:57.680 in life and what's not something, some fucking comedian says is not important. You know, it's just

00:57:02.980 good fun. Cause five minutes from now we could all be dead. That's how I live my life. It's like,

00:57:07.040 Hey, does this really matter right now? My kids will get butthurt over something. And I don't,

00:57:13.800 I don't, I don't drive that into them, but I sit there and I think about it. I'm like, Oh my God,

00:57:17.420 these little fuckers don't even get it. We could all be dead right now. And they're arguing over a

00:57:24.120 goddamn blow up unicorn doll. Oh, I think, I think you have a, you and other military members and,

00:57:32.220 and, and law enforcement officers, LEOs, that sort of thing have a, have obviously a different

00:57:37.660 perspective on it. And I think that's where a lot of the dark humor comes from. Like you see a lot of

00:57:42.000 these military members and, and my military experience was, you know, the national guard,

00:57:46.820 I did one deployment overseas. So it isn't as extensive as yours or a lot of people who are

00:57:51.560 listening, but I got familiar with the idea of dark humor and making light of it as a coping

00:57:59.020 mechanism, you know, because I mean, imagine having to deal with like intimately deal with your own

00:58:09.080 mortality every single minute of every single day. Like if you aren't a little bit twisted and

00:58:15.920 distorted in the head, you're not going to survive that. There's no way.

00:58:20.300 Bro, I had, I had dark sense of humor and it almost cost me my life. So I couldn't imagine if I

00:58:25.060 didn't, I mean, I remember we would be on calls joking about, um, I want to say this one's in my

00:58:30.440 book about a lady that, uh, she died having sex and, uh, it was actually her gardener. She was

00:58:36.900 cheating on her husband. You can't make this shit up, but long story short, he nailed her to death

00:58:41.580 and we had to go to this call and it was fucking hilarious to us or to some of us. We had a new guy

00:58:47.660 on the crew that was a friend he'd ever experienced death. And when we started joking about it, he

00:58:52.800 couldn't handle it. So I, I broke it off in his ass and told him, you know, Hey, if you can't

00:58:57.040 handle this shit, there's the door at this job, they're going to fucking eat you up and spit you

00:59:00.300 out. For sure, man. Like, how do you, how do you deal with that? How do you walk into a scene

00:59:05.100 like, like that? Oh, I left out all the dildos and everything that was, I was trying to, I was

00:59:12.020 paraphrasing the story real quick, but I mean, there was dildos and there was a porno play and it was

00:59:17.540 just good stuff. Yeah. It was fun. Yeah. I mean, look, how do you walk into a

00:59:22.540 situation like that or even worse, you know, like your situation with your brothers who were,

00:59:26.360 who were killed in that, that, uh, that fire and like, you gotta have an outlet. Otherwise you'll,

00:59:32.780 you talked about, you'll just explode the water balloon, man. You'll just, you'll, you'll explode

00:59:36.460 and you'll kill yourself literally figuratively. I mean, it's, it's, it doesn't go well. If you can't

00:59:40.920 have that outlet, you know, what people don't understand is, uh, the rate at how many first

00:59:46.320 responders are killing themselves. Cause we all hear the military, the 22 a day thing. Everybody knows that

00:59:51.000 everybody knows the military has its own issues, but what a lot of people have been overlooking for

00:59:57.420 many years is the emergency services. You got to think emergency services, they're not in combat

01:00:02.160 one or two days overseas. They're in combat every single day here where they live. Yeah. They have

01:00:09.260 to live, thrive and work in these environments and raise their children in these same environments

01:00:13.520 that fuck them up and pretend that they're okay all the time. And that's why these guys are walking

01:00:19.620 out in the woods, shooting themselves. These girls, we had two guys in Charleston recently,

01:00:23.220 firefighters kill themselves. You know, I mean, this was last month. Um, I mean, it happens

01:00:28.720 everywhere at astronomical rates. I had a guy after my, um, what was it? The, um,

01:00:35.760 police conference that I did for the national fraternal order of police. He pulled me aside

01:00:39.200 and he's like, man, we just had two officers in Southern California. The department he was in

01:00:42.580 just killed themselves. One of them drove his fucking car into the substation and shot himself,

01:00:46.700 you know? Um, it happens everywhere because they just don't feel like they can get the help

01:00:53.440 or they're too ashamed to go get it. Yeah. Well, I appreciate you doing your part to break that

01:00:59.640 stigma because there is a stigma there and it's guys like you who are going to help break that

01:01:05.040 stigma where, as I said earlier, you're not that, you know, that quintessential or stereotypical guy

01:01:10.340 that, you know, needs the help. You're somebody who seems well put together and, and strong and,

01:01:15.020 and, and masculine. And so these are the types of individuals that need to step up and say,

01:01:19.300 you know, it is okay that you go get help. In fact, it's not only is it okay, it's encouraged.

01:01:23.040 It will make you a better human being. Man, honestly, it's been the honor of my lifetime

01:01:27.080 doing this because I tried to do it in 2016 when I, when a friend of mine asked me to speak to,

01:01:31.600 uh, 200 fire service chaplains about, um, mental health. And I tried, but I wasn't ready. And I broke

01:01:38.200 down and I cried and I couldn't even finish. I was crying in front of a room full of going.

01:01:41.640 You cried on stage. Dude, when I tell you, I was crying, I mean, boogers were in my face

01:01:46.840 because I was reliving that moment for the first time. I'd never talked about it. And, uh,

01:01:52.540 I shut down after that and never wanted to do it again. But in early 2019, uh, when I started doing

01:01:57.820 comedy, my friend saw that I was back on the road and he asked, do you want to do this again? You

01:02:01.580 want to try it? So I went to Jacksonville, Florida. Same friend that invited you the first time?

01:02:04.960 Same friend. Wow. So I went to Jacksonville, Florida, and I talked to, uh, some firefighter,

01:02:10.620 um, firefighters down there. Same thing. I started crying, but I sucked it up and I got through it.

01:02:15.780 And I, and before I knew it, I was, I talked for an hour and a half and the, the impact that it had

01:02:20.360 on those people, I saw right. Then I go, if I don't start talking about this more, I'm complicit.

01:02:26.280 I could possibly be complicit in some of my brother and sister's deaths. I was like,

01:02:30.280 because I'm willing to do this. Now I have, I have a story that's very authentic that relates

01:02:36.760 to so many of us that if, if not me, who, you know? And so I started doing it more and more and

01:02:43.260 more. And now I don't get boogers in my face. I don't want to talk about it, but, um, it,

01:02:48.420 I, I prefer doing that over comedy all day because comedy is just, you know, a bunch of dick jokes,

01:02:53.200 a bunch of people drinking. We're having a good time, but afterwards everybody leaves. Who did you,

01:02:57.260 you may have helped somebody with some laughs, but what did you really do? Yeah. You know,

01:03:02.060 I feel the, I feel my boy. Yeah. I got some laughs. Y'all come and watch me be this puppet

01:03:06.120 on a string and have a good time for you. Right. Um, but when you talk to people and you can actually

01:03:12.500 see the light bulb go off in their, in their brain, like, man, maybe I just helped you stay

01:03:20.240 here for your children, for your family. You know, that's, that's an amazing feeling. And it's

01:03:26.900 happened time and time again, when I get to go talk to these, uh, these individuals.

01:03:31.600 I like this, um, this concept you're talking about where you feel complicit in, you know,

01:03:36.840 somebody's potential demise. If, if you have the information and you have the resources and you

01:03:41.720 don't share them, I think that wraps up masculinity just, just perfectly. Actually. Yeah. We talk a lot

01:03:47.200 about serving other people. We talk a lot about being capable to do that, to serve others. And if you,

01:03:53.220 in my experience, in my perspective, if you notice somebody around you, whether it's a

01:03:57.640 neighbor or a family member or a brother who's struggling and you have the means to help and you

01:04:05.640 don't, that's like you said, you're, you're complicit in that. Now you're now a partner in

01:04:11.860 that and you could have done something you could have served and you didn't. And it takes courage.

01:04:16.740 And I understand it's scary. You, you certainly understand it's scary. And yet that is our responsibility

01:04:21.920 as men. Well, that's why I'm willing to put myself out on multiple platforms to be judged.

01:04:26.220 Cause I don't really care. You judge me on that all you want. I don't, you know, comedy is one

01:04:30.580 thing, but this, I know, I know what this is doing. And this episode right now, you don't even have to

01:04:37.180 be a military person. You don't have to be a first responder. There's other people who have mental

01:04:41.580 health problems, who've experienced trauma on their own, who just need to hear a message. Maybe

01:04:46.100 just for it to resonate. Like, Hey, maybe I too can go get help. And there's nothing to be ashamed of.

01:04:51.920 And it'll happen. It'll happen as soon as this, this air, some, it will resonate with one person.

01:04:57.020 And if that's enough, man, you know, I feel like I have this tangible asset now that I'm not going

01:05:04.140 to go to sleep on. And I can't, it's not like I'm pretending to be Superman. Like I can go out

01:05:08.380 there and save everyone. But if I'm, if given the opportunity, you graciously having me on your,

01:05:13.480 your show today, talk about this. I'll do it.

01:05:15.180 Well, it's not going to serve one. It's going to serve thousands of men. I know. I know for a

01:05:21.320 fact, it's going to serve thousands of men who are listening. I do have to ask you, what'd you do

01:05:25.100 with your limited limousine service? I'm really curious about that. That's strange, man. I'm like,

01:05:29.720 all right, hold up. We got to go back to this limousine thing here for a second.

01:05:33.360 Yeah. So while I was a fireman, I was actually going to night school. Uh, I always wanted to

01:05:39.160 remember. I told you if there's ever something I want to do, I do it and I go 110 miles an hour

01:05:43.140 with it. So, yeah, I like that. I can resonate with that. I was a young man and like many young

01:05:48.300 men, I was into cars and I was standing outside of a fire station one day and I saw a limousine.

01:05:53.620 It was actually multiple days. I kept seeing this limousine go by and I asked one of my friends,

01:05:58.060 I said, man, what's going on with that limo? And the guy said, Oh, that's a limousine company.

01:06:01.460 They have a warehouse back there. And then I started doing the math. I was like, well,

01:06:04.960 this motherfucker didn't just go into the car wash. He's making trips. Right. Yeah. And so I

01:06:09.460 started looking into it. And, uh, after I sold my first piece of real estate, I bought my first

01:06:14.160 limousine, but I knew nothing about business. I was an idiot. I used all of my money to buy this

01:06:20.240 fucking car, not anticipating maintenance, gas, oil change, nothing. Why would you think about that

01:06:25.560 stuff? Marketing. Let me tell you, Ryan, I didn't even have insurance for the first three,

01:06:29.980 three months that I operated. I was so gangster. Oh yeah. I was rolling around downtown,

01:06:35.460 picking up people like a taxi in Charleston before the economy crash. Yeah. And I'd get,

01:06:40.100 you know, 10, 15 people in there. I'd make a hundred bucks just taking them down the street

01:06:43.160 because they wanted to run the limo. That's all. So they weren't like going to the bar or

01:06:46.640 anything. They're like, Hey, yeah, we want a limo. Here's a limo. So let's do it. They would hop in.

01:06:50.000 We do a couple of laps and drop them off in front of a bar and getting Ben Roethlisberger one night.

01:06:53.900 Um, they, Oh really? Yeah. For a quick shuttle. And, uh, that's when all that, uh, all his stuff

01:06:59.220 was going on. And I was like, yeah, I know this is bullshit because I saw the women chasing him out

01:07:03.420 of the bar and he was like beating them off. I was like, come on, man, man, Ben doesn't need to do

01:07:07.900 that. Anyway, I finally got up and running legitimately and I had it for three years, man.

01:07:16.680 I had five limousines rolling full time here in Charleston. I had all police officers and firefighters

01:07:21.420 were my drivers, all of them. Um, and then I just up and sold it and I got lucky. I sold it in

01:07:27.220 February of 2008, just before the recession. Yep. And so I got lucky. And so with my fist

01:07:33.500 full of money, I just did something else. And it was, it was kind of neat. I just got bored with it

01:07:37.840 after three years. I was like, I'm done. Yeah. Well, I couldn't, I could not bring that up. I'm

01:07:42.640 like, all right, I got to know about the limos here, man. This is important stuff. This is, this is

01:07:46.040 critical in the storyline, bro. The stories I could tell you about those limos. We're going to have to turn

01:07:50.260 these cameras off. Maybe we'll do a round two, we'll do an explicit version or something like

01:07:55.160 that for round two. I have to change names to protect some people, boy, because cops and firemen

01:08:00.240 were my drivers. I can't throw them under the bus. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta, you gotta protect them

01:08:04.360 for sure. But man, I can't imagine some of the stuff that went down could make for a very

01:08:08.460 interesting, well, I mean, look, uh, good, good fodder for your, uh, for your jokes anyways. Right.

01:08:14.760 Yeah. I mean, I've never, I've never used those, but I could, I mean, we literally had

01:08:18.220 stretched Hummers at my firehouse. You know, when you see a fireman, you don't think the

01:08:23.520 fuck are all these limousines doing the firehouse? Right. My guys would come up and they'd shuttle

01:08:27.100 them out. They'd bring them back and I'd wash them out in the parking lot and everything.

01:08:31.120 Call them up. Like, Hey, you got another trip? Come on, let's go. We had a big 30 person

01:08:34.520 party bus at one point. Stupid. It was crazy, man. It's awesome. Fun life. All right, brother.

01:08:40.680 Well, I appreciate you. Let us know how we can, uh, connect with you, pick up a copy of the

01:08:44.320 book. Um, all that stuff. Where do we go? Yeah, please. So like I say, I can't do what

01:08:49.560 I do without, without people. And so if you're interested, I just ask you to give me a follow

01:08:54.300 on Instagram at my name, Travis house, HLWZE. And I couldn't be more appreciative because

01:08:59.960 you know, the more people that learn about what it is I do, um, you know, hopefully it'll

01:09:05.040 help somebody down the line. Um, I was just, uh, I'm proud to say I can't give out the monetary

01:09:10.220 value right now because we're, we're still undecided right now, but, uh, there's a significant

01:09:16.160 amount of money that was just raised for a college fund for underprivileged kids through

01:09:20.200 what we do. And I'm excited about that. It just hasn't been, the money's been raised.

01:09:24.200 It just hasn't been confirmed on how much it was yet. So, uh, so we do do some, some good

01:09:28.060 things like that. Um, and that's actually going to my buddy, Lewis Mulkey's, um, college fund,

01:09:33.320 my best friend who was killed in that fire. So his, his, um, widow set up a college fund

01:09:38.280 for underprivileged kids in his honor. Um, and outside of that, my book, create your

01:09:43.080 own light, uh, finding post-traumatic purpose. It's on Amazon and you can go on there and

01:09:49.240 check out the reviews. It has hundreds of reviews. It's doing really, really well. I'm

01:09:51.880 excited about it. Or you can shoot me a message on Instagram. If you want a personalized copy,

01:09:56.180 um, just we'll work it out. So right on, man, we'll sync it all up. Cause I know the guy,

01:10:01.960 I'm going to get a ton of messages, which I'm, I'm grateful for. I'm going to get a ton of

01:10:05.480 messages. Hopefully you're going to get a ton of messages from people who've heard

01:10:08.200 your story and resonate with what you're sharing, man, I appreciate you. It takes a lot of guts

01:10:12.340 and courage to be able to do what you do. Uh, and I'm not just talking about military law

01:10:17.020 enforcement, firefight. I'm talking about, I think that the infinitely harder work, which

01:10:21.760 is being, being true to yourself, exposing yourself, you know, sharing this stuff that

01:10:28.740 is just not comfortable to share. So I really appreciate your willingness to do this, man.

01:10:33.300 Yeah, man, it's my honor. And like I say in this book, and we didn't have that much time

01:10:37.200 to cover it obviously, but I talk about it in depth about the monster that I truly became

01:10:41.060 in this book and how it affects everybody around you. And, you know, our first inkling

01:10:46.020 is to, you know, start casting judgment on other people versus looking inward at ourselves.

01:10:50.920 Uh, and I think that's a big part of the message in my book and that I think is very important

01:10:54.400 for, you know, men such as ourselves, you know, how we can do better, you know, and people

01:10:59.580 around us to lift them up versus beat them down, you know?

01:11:02.780 Yeah, no doubt. All right, Travis, appreciate you, man. Thanks for joining us today.

01:11:05.980 Thank you. Thank you, Ron. Appreciate it, bro.

01:11:09.220 Gentlemen, there you go. My conversation with one and only Travis Howes. I hope you enjoyed that one.

01:11:14.740 This is a fascinating conversation to me because if you look at Travis and you know him and you

01:11:18.540 have conversations with him, he's a man's man. I mean, he's in the Marine Corps. He's a firefighter,

01:11:22.320 police officer. Uh, but he's also somebody that has struggled with some demons. You guys heard

01:11:28.460 that. And, and that defines us all, right? Like we all want to be quote unquote manly men. We want

01:11:35.540 to harness that masculinity to be powerful for ourselves and the people we care about. And we

01:11:41.300 also have some baggage to deal with. That's the truth. That's the reality. And we can let that

01:11:45.860 baggage define us, or we can use it as fuel to improve our lives and those people that we have

01:11:51.320 a responsibility for. And, and I feel like Travis has done that for himself and he's still on the path

01:11:55.780 as he admitted. Uh, but I think he's got some powerful information to help us do the same.

01:12:00.060 So check out his book, create your own light. It's a really good book, quick read, but it's a,

01:12:04.560 it's very, I hate to say it's entertaining because it's actually kind of tough based on his own

01:12:09.900 personal experiences, but I think it'll give you a new perspective. So it's called create your own

01:12:13.640 light, uh, connect with him on social media, uh, very active on Instagram. As am I shoot him a

01:12:19.700 message, shoot me a message. Let me know what you thought about the show. If it served you in any way,

01:12:23.120 please let him know, just tell him, uh, when we had tank on the podcast about a month or so ago,

01:12:28.820 uh, he was overwhelmed and bombarded with information and messages from you guys, which

01:12:34.140 is good. He, he was very honored to be able to receive that. So shoot Travis messages and let him

01:12:39.320 know how this helped pick up a copy of his book, connect with me on the Instagram or Facebook or

01:12:44.880 Twitter or YouTube, wherever you're doing the social media thing. Let's keep these conversations

01:12:47.980 alive guys. Again, we're rolling into 2021. I'm excited about that. We've got some big plans.

01:12:52.800 I know you got big plans. Make sure you get subscribed to the battle ready program,

01:12:56.960 order of man.com slash battle ready and get yourself some beard oil as you're, you're rolling

01:13:02.680 into it as well. You can do that at origin beard oil.com. All right, guys, that's all I've got

01:13:07.880 for you. Have a great, uh, follow-up to your Christmas. Have a great new year. Let's keep

01:13:11.720 getting after it. We're not going to slow down right now. We're going to speed up. We're going to ramp up

01:13:15.280 and we've got some big plans for you. Thank you for being on this journey. Thank you for

01:13:19.120 holding me accountable to being a better man as well. All right, guys, go out there,

01:13:22.740 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:13:27.200 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:13:31.960 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - December 29, 2020

TRAVIS HOWZE ｜ Creating Your Own Light

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